Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | S2E12 | A Game of Porcelain Thrones

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

Victory is short lived as the gang discovers a new master in the castle...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/Any4Ahm0V3I?si=wCVHz-zelMllQF9D

Welcome to Legends of Adventress. I'm Grumley, and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time. It's a cool. Yes, it's very important. Step one. Yeah, oh, okay. Step one.

Sure, right this down? Are you taking notes? I got it. I got it. The only way to defeat a demon is with another demon in a cool, cool, fucking guy can deal. Oh, shit. Oh, we just got to get some of the swimming pool water,

close to wherever this Seer Cool Joker is, and then we'll take care of him. Night here will pop him right in the jaw. Uh, night here, rely, relive, Fetong, Gagnanglian, Night here! And that in the flame, you finally see Seer Cool take shape. Uh, you would recognize,

it almost looks like the Chihuahua folk that you know. But the meanish hell-hound Chihuahua leaves out of the flames, immediately, you see the fish head just go and eat us you're cool I can't believe we just watched a daemon bat so you rain here

Hicie reigns here well as the creator the universe that means sense you're right and things are finally going back to the way it is supposed I wish that we had cricket outside that was singing would stop making that strange demonic voice What do you mean that it's in there? Oh, you know, the red wax, baby, that's growing up in the side. No, you wouldn't, it's not growing up inside.

It looks identical to crazy frog. You put me out of red maybe well wax. Life pretty, whatever you are. Grumley, you awaken in your room. If you all enjoy a long rest, I don't know if anyone use any resources, but you all get a long rest. As, um, you... Oh, we do. Nice. very vividly remember you feel like you had you've vivid you're not sure if you had

that lucid dream or if it was real but you know that there is a grand quest where you feel you are a pug you are you have been bred to be servile to the Marquisat to a bunch of cats and you've never had kind of a killer's instinct. But now, after experiencing the origin of your people, the gray wolf, you feel like you want to kill. There's definitely the desire to kill that you didn't have before. And you feel like you're kind of awakening. And you feel like it might be, should you choose to accept it, the coachman said to meet you to rally the group when you're ready to go out that night to seek and destroy the bears who love shitting. Is there another name for them that we could use, maybe?

His, the ones who slaughtered his kind. Oh, yeah, it's a little more palatable. The blue bears. Why are he blue? The bears what loves shitting? That's better. That's better. Aren't some of them red, or am I misremembering? They're all blue in this camera.

All right. And you all awaken. They're gonna look up the Sherman Deepwater here. When was the last time we had a long rest? I feel like it's been a while. No, the whole homunculus thing, right? I'm gonna long rest. We've been sleeping every night.

I think I might not be. We don't use. Take a long rest now. I did, I did. I did. I used Bartik Inspiration. Oh, that's right. That's right. Thank you. Oh, I was gonna say you also used something

to beat the crazy thing in the woods, but then we just left three times. Oh, that was just a, I think that's actually a cantrip. It was like, like, silvery barbs or cutting words or, it was a cantrip. That's why I was firing them off like every six seconds. Just a cantrip. That's gonna know. You awaken and you can remember everything, Gremlin, except you can't really recall.

If they were the Chartenstein or the Chartenstein bears. That's very funny. That's the one thing you can't really recall. Actually. No, it was very clear. Yeah. I'm pretty sure we're Charltonstein, but. That's actually very good.

That's so good. You can't remember and you're wondering, and that's what kind of, that's the opposite of your totem from inception. When you wonder like, oh, it wasn't really all a dream. Oh. Oh my God, Booker! Booker! What?

What? What come up? Yeah, I'm awake, I'm awake. I'm like. Tell me, what's going on, you all right? We need to get ready. We need to pay him. Why?

Grab your weapons. I don't have a weapon. I don't even have a banjo. I don't have a banjo. I've got nothing. I don't wear any armor. You know that? Well, we must go to the armory right away, post-aste.

What? I have to get fitted for armor? We've been called to a grand quest. What kind of grand quest? Does it involve margaritas? So, you know, that whole time, every night I'm like, oh, I keep having these dreams that I go out in the woods and kill a bunch of spiders with that wolf guy that can't speak?

You've mentioned it. Well, he can speak. No. Because last night, I dream. dreamed again that I was out there, and then all of a sudden he's like, I am a sultry sexy wolfman. That's what he said to you. He said, I'm a sultry, sexy wolfman.

Basically, he just didn't expect how I sounded. He sounded really cool. If he did speak, I was expecting like, me kills spiders. Oh. Like if he could, you know, if he can't speak at all, I figured if he could end up speaking, he'd be a wolf of few words, you know what I mean? All right, I think I'm with you. I think I'm with you.

And so anyway, he initiated me into his pack of wolves. Oh. And he wants me to initiate you into his pack of wolves. Oh, I get to be a wolf? Basically, I think that's how it works. I mean, I don't know if it works like the not here thing where I get some kind of card and there are levels. I think that's how it works. Well, I guess we should, well, okay, one thing at a time, yeah.

I mean, I guess, I'm not going to leave you hanging. If you need my help, I guess I could join this wolf pack. Oh, so anyway, what he told me is that his whole family was killed. By terrible monsters of the deep. That's terrible. They're blue bears that like shit. Is that last detail necessary? That seems extraneous.

He kept saying it. Really? He kept saying it, really? He did. Are you telling the truth? You put a point on it, I will say. Every time he mentioned the bears, he did say that they did enjoy taking bowel movements. All right, all right.

They enjoy it. I'm gonna be honest, I was with you, now not as with you, as I was. You're losing me a little bit here. I think I'm keeping up. Anyway, we just gotta kill free bears what loves shiving. Okay, here's the thing. Brumley, look, I'll help you in any way that I can. You know, I'm never gonna leave you hang in here,

but I'm not really meant for, like, fighting in battle. Well, I didn't think so either. Even no armor trained soldier and maybe not. And you wear armor and you have a sword, and you're lethal with it. Look, Booker, I feel like in another life, if I would have no problem to stabbing a guy in the back. I don't really know how to feel about that.

Especially if he was like a weird creepy owl fucking guy. You know what I mean? You know, I like to think when it comes down to it, if I got to do something, I got to do it, you know? So imagine... Really contemplated murder before. So imagine Benji. Right? Okay.

All right. Yeah, I can imagine Benji very. That giant, horrible, horrific bear. Yeah. But then they're all free of them. Uh-oh. And they're all blue. Oh.

And presumably they're all taken dumb. And we have to kill them. And we have to kill them. We got to kill them. Of course we got to kill them. I don't think we can kill them. one Benji, let alone three that are defecate. Oh, no, no. I feel like if we team up

with this guy, I don't, I didn't get his name. You forgot to ask. I forgot to ask his name. And you're sure that this happened? This happened. Oh, 100%. It's real. Look at me, boots. They're covered in mud. How strong is this guy? I mean, like, he's going to have to do the majority lifting. I mean, you're not, like, Bitsy, Peggy,

absolutely lethal. Jean-Claude, he's a lot closer to me. Like, you know, I don't know how... We don't have a lot of firepower on our side. Well, if you remember in the forbidden zone, there was an entire armory of weapons and armor, and now it's not forbidden anymore, because it's all Peggy's. She can just give us permission to go down there.

Okay, well, look, if you think that, you know, getting us suited up and, you know, giving me a... sticking with the pointy end, right, maybe. You know, I'll try it. I just, I don't know how much help I'm going to be. Well, if you were to guess what does family... of bears were named. What were you guys? I don't know. Think of like a reasonable name for a family of bears.

A reasonable name for a family. Well, the only bear I've ever met is Benji, and he didn't have, he didn't give us a name for like his group of bears. These are bears that like to shit. They do. The three shitting bears. You know, that's sort of what I expected, right? Something a little more folk tale as. Yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, that's classic. It goes along the storytelling perfectly. No, they're the Schartonsteins. What? Yeah, just, I feel like I could open up the yellow pages and find the Sharptonsteins in there. But they're just a family of bears. What loves shitting?

Well, this is, um, it's very enlightening. It might have been the Sharpton Stain Bears now that I. I don't think back. That second one is so much more unfortunate. I'm just going to say it. You know, it is, but it makes more sense, doesn't it? You know, shart stain? Like, you want your last thing to be shart stain?

Well, that's terrible. If it's kind of their whole thing, maybe they own it. You know what I mean? Maybe they own the stains from their shots. I guess if that's your name, you're not going to, what, you embrace it, I suppose. Maybe it's shot and stained, like toys are us. You're sure we have to kill them? You're sure we got to kill these creatures?

Oh, we got to kill all of them. Kill them dead. It's a myth of quest that I've been dead on. I can't say no to that, Booker. How long do we have to prepare for this? Tonight. I mean, we have a day. So we should get started right along.

So like 12 hours, maybe. Yes, yes, maybe. And that's being generous. So that's why. Everybody get up. We've got to kill some shitting bears. I guess we got to get the others. I'll go get Sean Claude.

Hopefully he's not having one of those wet dreams about his brother. Hey, hey, hey, sicko. Wake up. Wake up, you sick, fuck. Oh, God. I caught, nobody come home here. I caught him right in the middle of it. I caught him right at the tail end.

You know what? John Claude, I'll come back. I'll come back. Don't worry. I'll say, I'll come in. No, no, just stay in there. Put yourself up, get yourself. I'll, I'll, I'll warm clock.

I'm full Donald ducking it. I'm full of the door. Don't do it. Button down shirt on, no pants. I'll say, I'll say, you're knocking on the door too damn life. You don't come back. I'll come back.

My apologies. It's middle of the night. Yeah. Well, it's morning. It's definitely morning. It's morning. It's morning. All the way of morning, I've been. You should know it's morning. I should have she got a couple of, you know, coin us.

Anyway, I'll come back. I'll come back. Get yourself cleaned up. I suppose I could get into a full state of dress. Take your time. I'm leaving. Take your time. I walk away. I don't want to be there in the door open.

You notice that Bitsy and Peggy are not in the room that they had been given. They're not in there. It seems to have been vacated and cleared out. Hey, Booker. Yeah, yes. What's the story about that guy? I was just a guy. I'm sitting there looking at you like this,

and I do this. You hear the buzzing of flies? Uh, come on me, let's go this way. And I'm just going to, like, gently, like, move you away towards... We go to their room. Yeah. Yeah, and we go try to find where their room is, and I, presumably,

Presumably they're not there. Yeah, correct. Yeah. I haven't heard from Peggy Orbitz, yeah. Do you know what they got up to last night? Oh. No, I went to bed early. Everyone else was awake when I went to sleep.

Although I did have to get up 38 times in the middle of the night. That's a lot. And I still managed to go on a whirlwind adventure. That's crazy. I don't know how there was enough hours in the day. Time is funny like that. It really is. Wait, where could they be?

I mean, anywhere in the castle, you know, Peggy owns it. Is it possible that maybe Peggy is now living where Lord, what was his name? Oh, yeah, the Count. More cool. That's what I would do. I would take up residence in the Count's place. It's got to be the best place in the whole castle. Right, and if he's dead, he doesn't eat it anymore.

So maybe Bitsy and Peggy to see him. decided, you know, let's sleep in high society for tonight. Done. We'll go find where the Count's lodgings are. We'll wait for Jean-Claude up there, far away from his pervert den, and yeah, hopefully we'll find the rest of our party. I'll say I'm here now, but I'm wearing pants for those with delicate sensibility. Grumly, I hope you never hear what I had to hear in the tail end of that.

nightmare. I'm just saying, Booker, if you're put off by our dear friend not wearing pants, imagine free bears, not wearing pants. I can assure you they will not be wearing pants. Are you talking about three bears Winnie the Pooh? Yes. I can promise you today is not going to go how we think it's going to go. I just got a feeling. Call it a hunch, deep in my bones. I have a feeling that today is going to going to end very, very, very badly. I'm so excited. Let's go.

Oh. Oh, it's so greasy. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It's so greasy. Watch around. Walk around. Make it from the step over and advantage.

Can I attempt to catch him and help him? Make it straight that. Make it straight because you're being helped. Uh, eight. You slide it and Booker, you don't necessarily fall. Booker catches you before you fall, but you do slide. like your paws slide and your boots kick the Mr. Tubbins,

and he starts, he's like spinning in the grease. Don't look, don't look, down luck. So visually does it kind of look like the wizard break dance battle? Exactly right, yeah. He looks like Gandalf in Fellowship of the Ring. Perfect. As the flies are actually surprisingly monstrous

as they're buzzing around. And then as you kick him, they all buzzes and they all then return. As you hear this from the flies as they buzz, be one of the more gruesome parts in this gambling. Oh, that's normal. Let's continue. We attempt to go find the tower, I suppose, where the count would have stayed. I follow along. Okay. You're all fully dressed as far as you're aware. Horse world.

I'm hungry, I'm underwear. Underneath your clothes, you're not dressed at all. You do manage to make your way around. around Mr. Tuppins, he eventually, like, slides up against a snowball, and he comes to a stop. And then the flies ascend. And as you look, you swear, you swear that, like, that one grew another eyeball on its head as, as they feast on this corpse. That's like, good. That's good. I love that for us. With that, ladies, how is your evening after the homunculus?

Oh, we, with Bitsy's buy-in, we had a full-blown slumber party. We got into fancy pajamas. Yeah. We asked for what's his fuck to bring us more pitch. More pitch, what's the fuck? More pitch. Oh, yes. Some, mistress, your Barbie's dream.

date. Thank you. It has all the pieces, right? This box is old and battered. It's on a velvet pillow. Fancy. Do you have more madness with the working credit card swipers? Yeah. Well. What? What about pretty pretty princess? With all the dinars. In this castle, there is much, man. But nerea more. But plenty of peach. Where do you get the pitch? We do have a very, very used copy of Candyland. Oh, can you get that one for us when you're on the way back with more pitch? Oh, yes, yes. Of course, of course.

I always like to land in the sloppy, gloppy swamp of myself. I'm a fan of Grandma Nut. Oh, Grandma Nut, do you know? I knew one of... She's not to be trusted. Well, I can't speak on that, but I know that a... her granddaughter couldn't be trusted within a mile of a pie. If you ever meet Grandma Nut, she speaks the old word.

She is not to be trusted. All right, well, yeah, if you could go get the pitch, that would be great. She will welcome you in with gifts beyond your wilder smelagements. The pitch is running low. Rivaling even last purpose. It's getting really cold in here. Can you go get... There but lies.

Can you go get us more pitch? For Grandma Nutt, it's your life essence To feed her malign spells. I'm sorry, but can you please keep the nuts out of your mouth, all right? You don't speak on their name When they're not around to defend themselves. So just go get the pitch. I will, as you command,

The Nuts have been removed from Wigel's mouth. Thank you. God. How does a frog get some pitch around? I don't know. You have to ask like 16 fucking times. God, we're never gonna get Candyland, are we? I don't know if I really wanna play Candyland. It sounds dangerous. Yeah, no, you're right. You want to file each other's nails down

and tickle each other or something? What nail? Okay. Cool, and that's what we'll do for the rest of the night. You do that as he does return with What did you say? With pitch. And Candyland. And actually he brings one of the logs. There's a very small handful of like petrified logs. And he puts one in and then he slathers it.

No pitch for the log. Oh, and naturally. I also managed to find a copy of Girl Talk Date line and bedbugs. But they're all missing most of the pieces. But you might be able to be able to be real stuff. I'm sure we can figure it out. We're pretty resourceful gals, aren't we?

Bitsy. Yeah. Yeah. You can go now, though. Terrible homunculus as been born. He knows too much. He knows too much. This fucking guy.

This guy down. Yeah, this one's going to put him down. On this, on this night, I have a lot. I have heard whispers of one word. Abomination. The plague lord speaks it to me. I feel his presence.

It's like a wax and red trail. His postulate embrace. Dear. Oh, do you know? There he goes. Yeah, sweet. We can finally catch it up. Ah, yes.

The Blake Lord. with his boy's very pussy. I was away. To my quarters. To the old text now that master does not say it is forbidden. What's his name again?

For me to peruse the dark text. Do you mean the plague lord or Yigur? Wygore? Why gore? Why go? Yes. Do you look in behind you? Bittsys in front of you. Does.

Don't harm that homunculus, all right? It's forbidden. Harm the monkey. No, don't. Oh, goodness, no. It is forbidden. Goodness, no. Yeah, if you harm, that thing, it is forbidden.

We will kill you. Yeah. We may lure it and use it. No. No. You let it do whatever it wants to do. No, it's free. That's my son.

We'll break your femur. Oh, certainly I will not lure it and imprison it with a demonic spell. And corrupted to the plague father. No. I will break your nose so fast. Oh. And the moment it's about to set, I'll break it again.

Oh, not in my nose. That COBRA already gave me the runner out. Yeah, I don't think you can't afford it. You can't afford it. Don't risk it. Don't risk it. No, no. Don't make me cancel your health care.

Also, your new employer slashed your salary by 100%. I should have invested into my HSA. This log is nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty nice. You need to go now. Yes, to my quarters. We were having a nice pillow.

And in the Forbidden Library. Great, go. No, actually, wait. Your quarters are no longer of the Forbidden Library. No, they're not. No, there are three hallways to the left out of this room.

There's a dusty old alcove there. Ah, yes. The dusty alcove. That's your new room. Oh, yes, I keep it nice and dusty. I must away to the dusty alcove. Not to the forbidden library. Did you just...

To seek the old text. Did you just wink at us, or are you having a stroke? I... Have you, Sava? I am salve. Narm... No, no. That's enough. You can go.

I don't think he's going to be okay. I don't think he's going to listen to me either. I think he's going straight to that forbidden library. Do you think he's going to capture the homunculus and use him to charge his plague lord power? I mean, if he wants it's nose broken over and over again for the rest of his life. Yeah, probably. I think he's going to. He might not make it. I think he was having a stroke. I don't know. You saw how resilient that homunculus was.

I mean, I'm not sure he's gonna make it to the library, like you said, but if he captures that homunculus, I think he's done for. We'll see. An interesting name for my son, homunculus. What do you think it means? It's just a name. A monculus fliler. That's kind of hard to say. And we call him something short like monk or eulis?

Ulyss. Ulyss. useless and I don't really want to tell my son he's useless. Oh yeah. Kids will make fun of them all the time. Kids are the worst. Kids are the worst. God, they're awful. You should have seen me when I was young. You were young? Yeah, long time ago. Oh, how youth fades away in the night. Then climbing into bed and you can go. Oh yeah. I thought we locked the door. On to the dust.

What the fuck? What the fuck? What a pervert. Oh wait, come back, we're out of pitch. Oh, yes. It's getting really cold in here. Do you have another one of those logs? I must fetched.

Must go to the log cab chambers. Well, you have to move your legs to do that. Oh, at least one sort of, I'll scrape on down. Okay, Bitsy, make sure you lock the door this time. I did. I think if I get on my side, I came in. Wait, how'd you get back in here? You just left.

Oh, yes. How did, how, Oh, silly me. The door was locked, too. What the fuck? Silly me. I found a copy of topple. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Do you have sorry or trouble?

Trouble? Trouble? I have a copy of mouse trap. Oh, no, I don't want to play that. Oh, I hate that. Yeah, that's not for me. That game's awful. It's very funny.

There's nothing for a mouse to feed. Don't week Patty. As long as never. Don't wake Peggy? Batty. As long as there are no cats, the rats and the mites shall play. They shall frolic, they shall reign. In the embrace of the plague lord, all pestilent creatures are in his posse embrace.

You know, you say a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. Pussy embrace is by far the worst. So I think we should put, we should not say that anymore. It's forbidden. It's forbidden. Is there a different word outside of pussy that you feel like you could use? Maybe a different word outside of embrace. Like cat or feline?

Yeah. Because, you know, now. I really, I think it's got to be the word pussy that you came. Pussy hug, that also sounds bad. Pussy cuddle, I don't like that one. His biolicious smooches that he gives. And you know, that one's fine. Biolicious smooches.

It is bidden. It is bidden. Here's a copy of the Happy Days board game. Oh, what about Joni loves Chachi? No. We do not speak their names. There is no love for Joni neither nor for Chachi in this castle. You can go now. I await the abomination.

Good night. Please lock the door. Okay. We finally get to the door. Yeah. Did we pass why go on the one? Yes. Well, well, well.

If it isn't the pitch, bitch. How's it going, buddy? How's that leg feeling up? And I tap it with my foot. Oh, oh. Stop what. I'm asking him how he is. Oh.

I've spilled pitch all over there. Well, that's a shame. I hope somebody helps to clean it up. Maybe it should be you. You clean it out. No, that's not nice. Get up, Wigel. Oh, yes. Oh, you're going to piss off his plane. Have you seen the guy that I have on my side?

You think I'd give a shit? No, you're right. You're right. That's fair. Get up. Get up. Get the fuck up. My leg is... My leg is fully healed, but I'm adjusting to walking on it. A terapist appendage is a difficult thing to adjust to. What? What does that mean? What are you talking about? I don't know. I've loved those words.

I don't either. Just get out of you. I have a feeling that- Oh, you see, let me pull up my robe. And you see, and there's like three, like, segmented carapace insectoid legs where his broken rat leg once was. Holy hell! Oh, I'll say all right! What the, my gods? What happened to you? I prayed to the plague for them.

and without the presence of the master, Hossi Kuhl, play his reigning, the boss. I turned to Grumley, and I kind of like whisper, I'm saying, Mota's not looking too bad right about now. We're here, right of this guy. Oh, we should just, go on, while I go, enjoy your forbidden knowledge

in the dark library. I'll see you later. I feel like I can see all through great segmented eyes. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. That's cool. Bye. Goodbye.

Yeah, we're getting, you go. We leave. Just be, away. Do your little away thing. Get out of here. To the dusty alcove. That gross. And also the lair, beware the abomination

and also the grandmother of nut. Beware. Not to be trusted none of them. Oh good, farewell. Goodbye. Goodbye. He kind of skitters on one side of the wall. Do you think he was feeling all right?

He was favoring one side. I'm gonna worried about it. They look weird. Farewell in the season. Now we slurring his words, right. One can hope. Did he have insect, insect legs?

I don't even wanna ask. If we're even a little bit lucky, he just won't wake up tomorrow. Well, look, you have a demon lord on your side, so in case we need to have another demon battle, we could just do that. I mean, that's fine. Yeah, fine, done.

Night here, he's done. eat that guy for breakfast. It was pretty cool the first time. That was pretty cool. Yeah. You know, I wasn't so convinced about this whole night here thing, but that was bitching. I thought it was gonna be kind of a fide, and then a night here came out and just ate there. A's here cool, one bite.

It's kind of fucked up, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it was. Oh, hold on, hold on, before you know. Who is it? Hello? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why?

Go away. I didn't answer. We need to work on, like, our entrance. What do you mean? Why? like a signature entrance. Hello? If you're gonna have their own, like, room.

No, don't unlock the door. What's your internet again? Why do you? Say, say, hello. Hello? No, no, no, no. No, no. No.

What? But like, like, do it in your voice. Hello. Yeah, kind of, but a little more like nasally and kind of like, that's how I sound. Do it again, do it again. Hello. Okay.

No, no, you're gonna open and I mean right behind you, you stay outside, uncle, this is not just in the gym. What's happening, right there? Hello. And we both walk in and we both like, you know, like, you know, we got a little confident. All right, fine. I open the door.

As soon as the door opens, hello. Hello. I mean, no, he said it. What the fuck, you guys? It's been a weird morning, all right. Just roll with it. Harvey, let me. Get him before Wigo.

Oh, Sean, go ahead. Come on, I'm coming. Come on. We're playing happy days. It's Fonzies's real cool game. We passed Wigo on the hall. No, no, no, no. He's looking a little sick.

He keeps talking about all kinds of weird shit. Yeah, his legs. He might have been having a seizure. His legs weren't right. Oh yeah, he was having a heart attack while he was up here, but it was really hindering our game of Pretty Pretty Princess. He's also got too many legs. What do you mean? Like extra bug legs.

Well, no, he's got a leg and a half now. Well, no, he's got like four or five and a half legs. What? Yeah. They look like bug legs. They kind of crawl up the wall a little bit. Oh, I gave birth to a baby. What?

Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. It flew out the window. Oh, I wish I had a gift for you. I didn't even think about it. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Yeah, so everybody's, like, getting extra things.

Well, how'd your baby fly out the window? Oh, with its little homuncular. Well, its name is homunculus flaila. Okay. Yeah. I didn't give him that name. Apparently, it was his born name. I see.

But, you know, whatever name he really wants. And, yeah, it's my baby. He has, he's made of wax. Well, no, I mean, he's made of me stuff. He's made of meat wax. Yeah. And there's, like, there's like a weird cow. face on the back of him and stuff.

And he's a little bit crazy, but like, you know, he's mine. I, uh. But his wings, it look like they're way too small to carry a body of such girth, but he does, because he's a powerful child. I almost killed him, and then I stabbed myself in the hand, try to get him, and it really hurt. Look.

Ugh. Oh. But don't worry, Bitsy apologized for trying to kill myself. Well, I... And so then I made Bitsy a Baroness or a Marquess or something. Okay? I think it was Marquette. I'm glad that you resolved your differences.

Yeah. And now we're playing the real, Fonzie's real cool game. And watching the real housewives of the Dimwood. It's my turn. I landed on something to do. Okay. Hey. Oh, it's my turn. You landed on cruising. Oh, I wanted to land on cruising.

Lenny and Squiggy's signature entrance. Hello. What? Wow. That's weird. Why was this possible? They're ripping off of us. That's our signature entrance.

I don't know. I'm truly baffled. I am truly baffled. This game might be a game of necromanic power. No, divination power. I bet this is, Lending and stupid squeam. I bet this is a scrying object.

It's my turn now. What did I get? You landed on, hey nerd. That sounds about right. You need to go now. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

Don't be a chump. Play the game. Okay, I got a two. What do I land on? You landed on the corner space. There's a tall man wearing a leather jacket standing on a house. Oh, no, that's the porn.

You gotta move that off of the board. Oh, you landed on the Ralph Mouth space. Oh, he's the worst character. Oh, this one's weird. It's just a strange reference to that one episode where the main character thought he had mono. Oh, that's weird. I mean, that's not something to joke about.

Mono's a serious thing, all right. I don't think I want to play this game anymore, guys. It's done one ramped. It's always right before my turn. No, no, Jean-Claude, you go. I would love John Platt try to make a Happy Days reference. I got one ready to go. I got a 10.

You landed on Gaim. Oh, well, this one just says you've junked the shock. Yes! Yes, Mace! Yes! Brilliant! Ah, I'm so glad we played that one out. I'm done. Jumped a shock? What is that even? What is he... What the hell's a shock? Oh, I don't know the first thing about this game. You landed on drag. This just says, isn't it wild how much money $20 was in the 50s? What the fuck is a dollar? That's a weird card. One of the 50s.

Enough happy days and happy days. We play happy days for two and a half hours. We do, yeah. We watched the Leverning Shirley Marathon. And then right around the time that it ends, so what do you guys get up to last night or this morning? Anything fun happen in the colder wings of the castle? I don't think anything.

This is typical night for me, no. It was. Well, I would like to cordially invite you to stay the night in the Countess's suite tonight, as we have slumber party number two with more games, more pitch. We even have petrified logs. We can have, you want some food? We can order grub hub as where these weird fat grubs slink up the stairs and bring us food directly to the door. It's pretty great.

Oh, wait, no, I can't believe I forgot. We can't go to sleep tonight. What? We have to go on a hunt. Oh, that's right. We have a mythic question. But I don't want to go on a hunt. I'm tired.

I'm tired. A what hunt? An eldridge hunt. Eldridge? Who's that? an evil dark spooky hunt. We had a lot of dark and spooky lately. No, you're right.

Maybe have like a night in. Anyway, long story, it's kind of a long story. I'm not gonna tell a whole story. Well, not, I mean, once you start, you gotta tell a lot story. And I went out and did my nightly hunt with the coachman and we kept some spiders. Well, I'm sorry, can you rewind?

Because what's this about a nightly hunt with the coachman? Oh, yeah, every night I go out on the nightly hunt with the coachman and kill some spiders. You mean that wolf? Yeah, the wolf got. That guy's weird.

He never says a word. He was in yellow and I told. He can speak. I was out there and he was like, No, can't. Oh, you are my pack now, and your friends must be assembled, and there are bears that love shitting. And then he basically said, Can you rewind one more time?

No, he's just gonna say it again. No, well, there are bears what love shitting? Like they love watching people shit? No, no, no. They themselves love shitting. They don't even wear pants, they love shit. shitting so much. They just want to be ready at any time, anywhere. They wear like a red t-shirt, I think. They're blue bears that wear a red shirt. Are these bears blue? Oh, they're blue bears. I don't know why they're blue.

But they're blue. They love shitting. They wear red t-shirts. The blue bears are real? You've heard of the blue bears? Well, everybody's heard of the prophecy of absorption. What? No, I don't think any... No, they killed his whole family. No, one wants heard of the problem. They killed his family. They killed his whole family.

It was some kind of revenge here, some sort of revenge. Okay. So these bears that can't stop shitting were able to kill those wolf guy's family? Have you seen a bear? You've seen Benji and it's free of them. Have you seen someone shit before? They can't do anything while they're shitting. Oh, these bears can.

Wow. Believe you me. That sounds like a fears from foe. Yeah, if these are the bears from old, then they love shitting. That's what he said. They just can't stop. Yeah, exactly right. endless.

If they're in the woods, they just, they just don't stop. What, do they live in, where do they keep it all? What do they keep on what? They're shit. They just don't ever stop and they're, I've seen the signs of the baths before they're three of them. And they just never stop shit and where does it all go? I don't know for sure, but it's probably in the hidden grove of softness.

What? The hidden grove of softness. What? That's where the war started. The war? Oh yeah. The war of what? The great paper war.

Oh my god. Oh, I think I heard that story before. Is it three hole punch Jim? Three whole punch Jim. Yeah, he was that famed knight in the paper war. That's right. He was one of the soft paws.

Oh my gosh, because he was the one they each one of them put a hole through Jim. One hole through each band. That's right. It was in this fight against the Privy Lords and the Crimson Streak. Yikes. Yikes.

I sit down and I'm like in fraught and I just want to hear more. I just want to know everything about it. Well, it all started in that hidden grove of softness. Oh. Sacred trees known as the Ply Elders. Bears revered them for their fibrous berries and their luxuriously soft leaves. That's how the story starts anyway. Elder Rollins, he made a pact with a great spirit of softness to guard those trees.

And that if any harm ever came to them or they fell to greed the bears would descend into madness, cursed forever, in search of the perfect wipe. Perfect wipe. Maybe that's why they killed his whole family. Okay, are we sure this is not a translation, is translation issue, like perfect wife, maybe? I mean, I don't know. I could just be making this up as I go alone. No, what if the coachman's whole family is like a sacred order to protect the perfect wipe, and that's why they killed them all. Well, that's what one might think, but the paper war has changed all of that. After centuries, they've forgotten about their pact, and harm did come to those trees,

and they did fall to the corporate greed. That's when they split into three different factions. The soft paws, the privy lords, and the crimson streak. The last one, that's like bears who love shit and bears who kind of enjoy it and bears who couldn't stand it? They've sworn off swiping. They use the trees. Trees.

Crimson streak sounds pretty badass, doesn't it, Booker? I want to be a member of the Crimson Street. Yeah. Oh, Grumly. We should be, what are we going to do with you, Drubly? But as punishment for their violence, all blue bears were cursed with the endless wipe, to never truly be clean, forever chasing perfection,

just out of reach. To this day, they wait, and they wipe. When the fuck did you have time to write off? If you go back to the beginning of this episode, you see I get real quiet. While you guys were role-playing, I sat down and I just decided. My favorite part is the top of this says uprooted notes, LOL. Oh my God, Derek. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon.

Become a patron today at patreon.com. slash Legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Anyways, the prophecy observes absorption says that one day it'll all come to an end, but that's all I know. Not a lot. Is tonight the night when it all comes to an end? I have no fucking idea. All I know is the story.

You know so much. How do you not know this part? It could be bear shit. I have no idea. This is a prophecy describing what manner it all comes to an end. That's all I know. It's just that there's a prophecy. Probably there's a chosen one and the end of all wiping for blue bears, and maybe the violence will finally come to a And did your coachman phrase defense and say anything about any of this? No, he just didn't like the shit and that he wants to kill him all. Why?

Because they killed his whole family. It's just pure revenge. Why? Would they kill his family? Oh, well, I'm hypothesizing that his family is this cool secret order that protects the perfect wife. But he didn't tell me any of that. Well, let's assume that that's the case for now. Yeah, that's definitely. At this point, it has to be honest with you, Bitsy. Before we came up here, I literally said that I had a feeling

that today was not gonna go any way we could have possibly imagine, and I already have a feeling that that's coming true. You just feel like that. Not in all my days, I thought that we'd end up here, that's for sure. And we're just getting started. I mean, it's such a shame that this stream is ending at 10.30 in that.

Oh no, we only got 15 more minutes. Should we just play Happy Days more? Okay. You know what they say? I got 11. These days, oh, happy. Happy days. Oh, happy days.

These days are all happy days. They are happy days. Yeah, that's the name of the board game we're playing right now. Well, that also applies to these days. I'm a little concerned about something. And it's strange that it's not this tale about the red streak nights or whatever. It's been three hours, and Wigua's nowhere to be seen. Well, he said something about a dusty alcove,

and I called him some pretty mean names, and then we moved on. The left sort of his face with a little droopy. He has not stopped him from finding his way into this room, lock or no lock, every 10 to 15 minutes for the past three days. Well, Booker also kicked him in his leg. Which one? It was a light. Well, that's the thing.

It was a light tap to see if he was doing all right. He said his leg had fully healed, and then he revealed three new legs that were very insectoid in nature. He did not. He fell on the ground and spelled pitch all over himself. Yeah, he really did. He really did.

I got him good. He sure did. He did not show us his three legs. No, he didn't. And also, you said his left side of his face? Does that mean the other side of his face was all so droopy, or had it just moved over from one side of the face to the other? That's a great question.

That's a great question, Vixie. No, just one side looked kind of normal. I mean, as normal as you can get, Bing Wigar, and then the other side looked just less robust, I should say. Mm. Well, perhaps he finally succumbed to death. One can only hope.

There's no time. We must get ready. To the armory. We could chill out a little bit. It's the morning, and this isn't supposed to happen until tonight. Yeah, but there's no time. We got to train. Yeah, and he's saying we gotta go to the armory,

We gotta get fitted for armor and weapons. Oh, I'm not gonna wear arms. Yeah, I don't normally wear armor either. I would be significantly less effective if you put armor on. Oh. Even this robe is cumbersome. Is that how magic works for like the second

you put a chain mail shirt on, you can't cast your spells anymore? I don't know. I think it's more like being a woman and you get home and you take your bra off and then you can't function anymore. Oh, uh. Oh. But it's like the opposite where, you know, just listen to me. You can only function without your bra.

Yeah, thanks. The less she wears, the more powerful she is. Yeah. So she gets naked all the time. Or the rest of us need all. Yeah, but how am I supposed to go invisible if I'm wearing arm? That's very true.

You don't have the power to make arm wear invisible. Wait, wait, wait. Do you see that? No. You hear this deep rumbling vibration buzzing, coming, like a really awful buzzing coming closer from beyond the door. And you hear it.

We locked the door. Yeah, no, we locked the door. No, I think I unlocked it in order to let them in. I didn't relock it. Oh, well, we should probably do that. Okay. I'm sure it's nothing. This cat is an old guy.

And there's a loud, a very loud buzzing and rumbling now outside the door. Don't open the door. Hello? Bitch. Who is it? Who is it? Who is it?

Bitch from the master. That's not very nice. You can't call people that. Go away. I am Tuppins. Tuppins isn't dead and I'll rush over and unlock the door. Door opens. I think if you stepped back.

And the demon that you see before you is equal parts goat and fly and leech, intestines spilling out several mouths over his arms. Where a goat mouth had been, there's a proboscis, a huge red eyes where his eyes had been, and the horns are now massive and curved as leathery, fleshy green fly wings are flapping as he carries a bucket of pitch.

Thank you so much for bringing that in. That petrified log, it's still perfectly petrified, but it's getting cold in here, so if you don't mind throwing the pitch on the fire and getting that groin again, that would be great. I'm Lee-Wall. Yes.

What the fuck is that? Bich. Did Wygoy goes send you? That was very nice of him. The master made me. What do you mean? No, I'm the man. I'm the countess.

This is the Countess. The Countess. Peggy von Flila. The master of plague. Yeah, I keep here. Oh, it's the good one of the house. What the fuck. Are you alive?

Well, I mean, walking around. But like. You can't just ask someone that. Why have been given life by the master? Whoa. As he buzzes as he flies out with his empty pitch bucket. Well, that was really nice of him.

I'll say, isn't that the guy we passed in the hallway who was spinning in the hole? It was definitely dead before. There's a door now, right? Oh yeah, real bad. All those flies, there's big flies all over his body. He was walking around just, he was clearly not dead. Well, I thought death no longer rained here.

It clearly does. It rains here again. It's raining death. Why did he look so terrible? I don't know. This isn't good. This isn't good at all. Well, maybe once we gear up, we can kill him on our way out to, you know, kill those bears.

I'm certain to think we're way out of our depth here. I'm going to follow your lead. I got your back, you know, Grumley. But I don't feel good about any of this. I'm not so worried about it. I mean, when you give birth to a part cow, part crazy frog, homunculus creature, you start to realize that all life is beautiful

in its own ways. Ah, ha, ha. That's how much, the whole life was beautiful. It might just be new mother things. But I just, I feel a, I feel a gentleness in my heart for that creature. Oh.

Lieutenant, I just brought in some pitch trying to keep us warm. Well, maybe once we just, leave and we go to the vacation home, we can just let Wygaard to himself and have his fly demon servants. Yeah, I don't really have any affection to this place, so I was kind of hoping that once we left, we could just kind of forget it long. Yeah, we should do that. That's what I was hoping. I was just going to slip the deed into his like back pocket. What is his pussie embraces what he said?

Oh, you know, it's forbidden. You're not allowed to say it. Well, I can say whatever I want because it's forbidden. All right, fine, into his dusty nook. I'm just gonna slip that deed right deep into his dusty nook and then just let him do with it what he will. Slip that deed right into his nook. Slip the deed right into his nook, yeah. I think he wants the deed.

You think he does or doesn't? I think he wants the deed. No, he definitely wants the deed. You can look at him and see that he is begging for the deed. I'll say maybe you can sell it to him. I don't need to sell it to him. I just give it to him. Maybe he could owe you a favor.

Some kind of crazy and pestilence, demon face. Yeah, look, I mean, sure, I could have, but you know what that means? That means I might have to interact with him again, and I just feel, as much as I value and love the friendship between the two of us, that my life and his would be better if we never spoke to us all each other ever again. I guess it makes sense to slipping the deed

and they never talked to him again. You could make a pact with him to protect your son, and that if any harm ever came to his son or greed, then his plague army would fall. You are the best vizier I could ever ask for, Bitsy. A Vizier? You think about, yeah, you're my right hand, Bitsy. I love coming home and taking off my vizier.

The relief is so real. Yes. And between the two of us, we could be unstoppable, you know. Yeah. World ending unstoppable. Okay. I've seen that dogen. I really am.

Anyway, I'm gonna go suit up. I'm starting to think I need a sword or something like you got. I don't know what else to do here. I can't be completely unharmed. That's why we should all go to the armory and pick out what matches best fomatically. I'll definitely need some kind of weapon. I'm no fighter.

Words of my weapon. My jar of grease is suspicious. is suspiciously empty so I could use a refill there. I'm light on Molotov cocktails, I mean fireballs. We go to the armory. You open the door, and it's surprisingly quiet for the number of enormous flies that you see, just standing on the walls, staring at you,

many of them with many huge segmented eyes. Some flies are, are, almost as big as you are as they cling to the walls. Some have various extra legs. Some have tentacles. Some have multiple pairs of wings. Some have huge stingers. They just simply stand on the walls,

unmoving, stagnant, but watching, with their huge jewel-like eyes as the stink of this place increases. I think everyone would be the Constitution saving throw as you make your way to the arm. I think we've made a grievous mistake. We only have, I think, five twists. So, Khan?

Plus the... No, no, no. We hit level 11, and then we had five from earlier. Oh, so we have 16. Oh, I'm gonna use a twist. I did okay. For Khan, I got a 16. Okay.

That's pretty reasonable. I got a plus two. I got a 21. I got a 21. It's not one more. We've used two. Our con's not very good. I think he used one.

I think we used three. Okay, we're at 12. I'm gonna write that down. 12 right here. So what did it? So 16? I got a 16. I think he said 21.

21. At least 21. 11. I'm triple checking. I got a 19. Nice. Jean-Claude. You feel a tickle at the back of your throat and you're coughing and you sneeze and there's some, you get some itching underneath your feathers.

As you start to kind of feel a little tired. as you continue down the hallway towards the armory. Slamino, Slamozo, Haffamavam Incorporated. What? We're gonna make it. Nna na na na na na na na. Come on, we gotta do this. We recreate the whole

Judo Liverny Shirley as we walked down to the armory. Oh, Gazuntide. Are you okay? Everybody knows your name. I like that one. Oh, this place is doing something to me. I don't feel quite comfortable on my own feathers. You have allergies?

Yeah, are you allergic to something? Oh, please don't puke. I just, I don't know. No, I couldn't. I was unknowingly pregnant yesterday, and so I don't think I can handle that. Oh, I missed that, I'm missing. Oh.

You all right? Bless you. I didn't know a chicken could sneeze. Oh, you're a rooster. I didn't know a rooster could sneeze. Oh, thank you, thank you, food. distinction. I didn't know I could sneeze either before this, but I'll probably sneeze before. I, you know, I'm a good-a-threaty. That was quite a dapper sneeze. You know you do most things dappily.

Well, I try and show up in a pleasant way, you know, put a little nice spin on things. You never get the chance to make a second first impression. Have you ever done this stanky leg? Something from a certain point of view. Well, that's a question. I asked because, oh yeah, I because your legs are quite, and I mean this in a nice way, quite stanky. They have the perfect shape to stanky leg. Oh, well, I don't think anyone has ever paid me that compliment before my entire life.

No, I've not done the stanky leg to the best of my recollection. Well, if we ever make it to the vacation home, I'm gonna teach you how to stanky leg, John Claude. You teach me how to stanky leg? I would. a promise I'm making to you right now. One day, I will teach you to stankyleg, and then you are gonna join me in Bitsy

for the stankyleg competition. What's the stanky leg? We'll have to get to the beach house to find out. It's incentive because I'm afraid John Claude has some horrible illness and will die. But... That's why you offered to teach me the stanky leg. Yeah, I hope that this...

I thought you were finally talking about and join a fine night with me. But you just think I'm gonna die? Well, it would be a fine. I'm trying to get you to find the motivation within your heart to push through whatever this illness is. Your feathers are wilting, your waddle is drooping. You have, your flammaling with all that phlegm coming out of you.

Oh, my flammazel. Doing it our way. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I really wish I knew this song, Brumley. I'd sing along with you if I knew it. I'll teach you on the matter. Grumley, you really crave and you realize, You weren't sure what your favorite soda was.

And now that you love Coca-Cola, you remember that you love Coca-Cola and milk. And that's your favorite soda. That's your favorite drink. That is my favorite. As you arrive at the door of the Armorye- It's a lovely favorite. And you hear the buzzing get louder and louder, as you see the thing that introduced itself as Tuppens, flying, hovering in mid-air before the door, do you require squire?

services. Oh, Tuppins. Hello, it's good to see you. You're looking nice today. I am called Tuppins. I love that for you. Yeah, we need to get in there because we are going to fight against some bears, what do we loving shitting? Blue bears. The master offer Squire services. I am at your command. Do you require services of Squire? We do, yeah. Would you be able to outfit Grumley in just the most, the best armor you've got to fight against flagellants and unstoppable diarrhea. And the rest of us.

Oh, and can it look like the armor that Dracula wears at the beginning of Bram Stoker's Dracula where Gary Oldman were? Oh, yeah, by Francis Ford Coppola. Yeah, yeah. Oh, please, please. The red strips, it's really cool. It looks like muscle.

It's very cool. And then I can curse God and stab an altar. It could bleed from its eyes. What? In the heck. To show that the curse is taken. That's right. You guys say a lot of stuff, and I just, I don't even know what you're talking about. You would make a great Jonathan Harker.

I don't know if anyone's ever told you that before. No, I've never heard those words ever strung together in that order before. Hold on. Let's try this. All right. Say, bloody wolves. Ah, what was that? Bloody wolves.

Bloody wolves. That's a really good, right. But do the accent? Like, saying like you just said it. Yeah. Bloody wolves. Oh my God, that was perfect. Okay.

Jonathan Arthur, everybody. I'm gonna love you in the Matrix. Oh, wait. I have never seen the Matrix. This is something people don't know about me. I have never seen the Matrix. He's gonna be in it. Wow. You're gonna be great.

What's the Matrix? It's gonna be a cultural watershed moment. Let me tell you. It conquers bad food. They're gonna devote like a whole quarter of the game to that film. To the Matrix? To the Matrix, that's right. Oh, all right.

Anyway. Not to be confused with Dominatrix. They're two completely separate things. You seek creatures of filth. Oh, he's still here. Yeah, they're absolutely filthy, blue shitting bears. They can't wipe clean. They're disgusting.

Perhaps they have earned the blessing of the father of plagues. Mountains of fecal matter. I don't think so. Because it has nowhere else to go. Whoa. A city built from stool. Oh, it truly will be a feast for flies. The master will know what to do. Well, who's the master?

The Harold. Yeah, but who's the herald? His name is Harold. Gosh. It's the plague, the plague-clay, they're talking about. Yeah, but who is it? I mean, is it just some random guy? Like what? No, I think it's like the equivalent to night here.

but it's just like a filthy version. Who is it? You know the master. He speaks very fondly of you. What? We know? We know the master? Does he have a name? Oh. Does the master have a name?

Harold. He's still alive. No, he said Harold, not Harold. What's the master's name? He is known to your dog as Wigo. Oh, damn it. Oh, this guy's alive still. He's the master now.

Why he's still alive? And why are they calling him a master? He's sick as a bum. He's got like three fly legs now. It's pretty cool. They might just be mispronouncing bastard. Maybe. I mean, that would fit.

I mean, he was, according to you, this guy was dead recently, so his tongue's probably not working all that well. I thought he was dead. Look, I... The vessel once called Tuppens. The vessel, is that like the artist formerly known as Prince? Oh, I love Little Red Corvette, though.

That song is a bang-o. Yeah, that's a good one. People really like 1999 or whatever that song was, but no, no, no, little Redco vets, the, I'm sorry, what were you saying? The vessel formerly known, this, get a load of this guy. Dear Clio, Clio services. Well, yeah, we gotta outfit him for the shitting bear

extravaganza. Especially this guy, he's gonna be our champion. I need a whole shoot of armor. And so does everybody else, but I wanna look like, like Dracula, Gary Oldman, Dracca. Well, everyone should figure out what we wanna look like. Can you do more than? Is it just Amma that you can do?

The armory is robust. It is for centuries of slain foes. Could you do like beautiful embroidered robes? Ooh. His wings buzz as a swarm of monstrous mutated flies fly down and open the doors of the armory. And you see that you had already been in this room, but you realize now that what you had seen before

was just the antechamber. You see that there are flies swarming over the skulls of the slain moles and the other folks that had been impaled on the spears in this armory as another door opens and it's just this massive fortress level armory of effectively all sorts of weapons armor battle outfits. There's boiled leather, there is plate, there's chain.

Anything that you can want weapons, it's effectively another costume box for you guys. Oh, thank God, that's what I was hoping for. As the fly, are buzzing around and you see now that there are rows and rows of dozens of mole skulls on spikes throughout this place as flies are clinging to it as this creature that's called itself Tuppins

floats before you and drifts into this room, his loud wings buzzing in a very eerie manner. Something is different about the castle I can't really quite put my finger on what? Well, the count's dead. Yeah, but it's like, something feels off. Well, at first I was like there were a lot of flies about, but I had a realization.

I'm a frog. Well, and your last name is Flyler. Exactly right. And whatever, is King George Cannon in this thing? Yeah! Oh, okay, I couldn't remember if that was the last one or this one. Oh. No, he's my familiar.

Uh, you open your mouth, Peggy. And you hear the voice. Plague rains here. And he flies, King George flies out and flies out of the room deeper into the castle. I'm sure he's got something to do. That was weird.

Yeah. Did you just say plague grains? Yeah. And he sounded like Wai Gore. That is not what King George sounded like in my head previously. I wasn't sure if he was canon in this season or not, so I was waiting

to do that until I confirmed. You know what they always say. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then you'll know. Oh, he's very wise. I love King George and I'm gonna let him go do his plague-biz and meet his new friends and whatever he wants to do.

And just like my son Monke-less, I hope that they come back to me. He's probably just going out to mate. Oh, my God. I mean, he was losing. I want to talk about the Matrix, and so of course he got Arrhen. Then there would be King George the ninth,

and the 10th, and the 11th, and the 12th, and the 13th. There's too many King George's. Okay, so if I'm gonna be Gary Oldman vampire from the beginning of the film with the Red Soodovama. Sure. And I'll take, I'll get one of the halberds

off the wall that has a spike on the end with a mole head on it. Absolutely, yep. All right, oh, yeah, this feels right. The Churros bears all. clatters as you swinging around. This'll be good. I can chop the head off and then put the bare head on the spike. All right, what's everybody else gonna suit up with?

I'm just like looking around. Like, this is not anything that I've ever been used to. I don't wear armor. I don't make for combat. You know that there's a war, but you've, you have been a vagabond perhaps longer than anyone else here. And, uh, you know, you, oh, you run away from the war. You see an army and you turn around. You want to be, you want to be 50 leagues away from any army or any armorer. That's right. My name's Booker, and that's between y'all. Yeah. Whoa! Is that a nine live stealer heavy cross?

Oh, the trigger's missing. Oh. Shoot. Well, I guess this sort of broken stick might suffice. What should I use? What kind of weapons should I use, Grumley? You know better than I do. Oh, I don't know. Maybe, like, I'll feel like you could be pretty good with a knife, but I don't know if you want to get that close.

No, I'm thinking something like a crossbow, boss bow or something, you know, something that would keep me a distance where, you know, I'm not going to be, you know, look, my arms weren't made for a regular bow. Something that I can just load and point and shoot would be great. Just do that thing where you make people's heads explode with your words. I, you know, I wish I could. I just... You still don't know how that happened? No. Maybe I have something with night here. I, you know, I don't know. It was a, it was a moment that I felt like I knew something more about myself than I did.

but now it was for the life of me, I can't figure out how I did that. Try it out on someone. Hey, what I'll say? Why did you look over to me real quick? No, not nothing. What did you mean? Why did you snap your little head over the redress?

I didn't look at you. You did for a three moments. No, I did not. For one single brief moment, you snapped your head. I was looking at after all of the weapons. I thought a whip cracked in here. No, no, who a whip? Look, oh gosh.

Don't try and blow up my head. I would never. I would never. I can agree that he is the most expendable of all of us. I'm not doing the stanky leg class with you. We have agreed on that. I'm not doing it, okay? Yes, you will.

You're my least favorite friend out of all the friends. That is so not true. Well, you keep trying to convince everyone to kill me. That is not what I'm trying to do. I'm just letting you know where you stand. Would you rather a friend that tells you a truth or a friend that lies to you like Bookbird Bidzee? A friend that lies to me 100% of the time.

Well, you and I have something in common then, because that's also why I like them the most. Okay. Booker look. What? There's the full armor and arsenal of Van Helsing starring Hugh Jackman. Whoa, really? I think I like this perfect.

You got a crossbow. You got a cool hat that's pretty similar to the hat you're already wearing. Oh, you're right. And it's got a cool, like, cowl. Well, you know, I normally wear a lot of, like, browns and stuff, and this is like cool black leathers and straps and shit. Exactly. Oh. Perfect.

I'm done. Done. I'm gonna put this on. All right. Nobody look at my fuzzy raccoon ass. begin to change my clothes right here in the spot to put on the exact outfit that Hugh Jackman wears in Van Helsing from 2007 or four. You got the spinning discs. I forgot that was in the movie.

Oh yeah, you got the ship. And I got a crossbow? What is it like a hand crossbow? What kind of crossbow? It's a repeater. It's a repeater. Oh, let's go. Hand crossbow.

It's perfect. And Peggy, look. Look, it's a journeyman tiered Isabella von Kostein' cosplay. It's perfect for you. That is just there's too many clothes there. Like, look at all the frills. I was, I'm thinking... It comes with that cool sword.

Yeah, but do you see that outfit over there? And it's like an exact copy of what Peggy's already wearing? Just like your wizard outfit? Yeah. Look at it. It's pristine. Oh. I mean, if you just want to be like a...

Yeah, party city wizard, that's fine. You know, no judgment or anything. I just thought we would be a little thematic. I'm sorry, but I'm- Such a vampire theme hunt night, but, you know, that's fine. We're not even going up against vampires. We're going up against three shit and bears. What do vampires have to do with that?

Just more like loosely gothic horror inspired, you know. But we don't have to do that. We don't have to do that. I could go put on my King Henry VIII costume again. That's fine, that's fine. We need to leave King George out of this. He just abandoned me. Why would you bring him up again?

No, no, my philosopher costume from the crooked moon at the Crooked Moon.com. It had that little hat with the feather in it. Oh, I love that on you. You look so cute. And the little pointy shoes, but I can go put that back on. I don't need this cool armor. Yes, pre-order now at the crooked moon.com.

The hell, why's the moon crooked? What are we? Also, did you know that Nicholas Cage is the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola? A lot of people don't know that. Weirdly, I think that came up last stream, huh? No, that is weird, well. Fine, I won't wear that outfit that I like so much. No, you can wear it.

No, no, I mean, if you're gonna shame me about the things that I like to wear. I just had a vision of how tonight would go, and I just, you know, wanted to try to meet that vision, but, you know, I'm used to disappointment. Listen, Peggy, if I may, I don't want to impose here, But, you know, I'm gonna pull Peggy's side a little bit. Rumley doesn't get a lot of wins.

I think we gotta give this one. It's so fucked. How am I looking in the mirror? Look, Booker, I'm with you on that. And you're right, you know, he can't breathe out of his nose. No, it's too flat. It's way too flat. He constantly gets stuff stuck in his fold.

He gets infections. Complete genetic mistake. Yeah, every time, if he tries to sleep on his back, he will die. Oh, I've heard it. It's bad. A few times I've had to wake up and flip him over. The amount of times that he has sneezed in the middle of the night and his eyegovok is have plastered us all.

It's gross. It's truly gross. And on top of that, the best friends that he could possibly find were us. I know. It's a living nightmare. It's unfortunate. He's just too good. So what can I do to, like, you know, convince you to just, like, help him out a little?

I heard about this magical item. Okay. And I have some of it. Oh. I just, I'm not... I haven't mastered the ought to sew it. Oh. Okay.

Now... Like needle and thread? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little too mundane for magic users like myself. But... And I pull out some Velcro. If we could find a way to make that dress easily removable, then I think...

I could give in and let Booker have, or let Grumley have what he wants. Look, I've done a little sewing back in my day. But I need it to be tear away. I can do that. I'll work on that for you. I need it to be so precarious on my body that you're afraid I'm going to laugh too hard. Or a stiff breeze will take it right off. Exactly.

Done, consider it done. God forbid Peggy Ben's over. Look, I've had to repair my hat and my coat a few times. I can do a little bit of sewing for you. You seem like you're very resourceful in this way. Give me, give me 30 minutes. It's an hour tops, and I'm saying this while I'm in my full van healthy outfit. Like a giant repeating crossbow.

Done, I can do that. Deal, we got a deal. Okay. I will hand, this is my most recent creation. I will hand this to you. Patent pending, okay, so please don't share this with anyone. It's amazing, I won't, I won't tell anyone. And I'll take the needle and thread, and maybe I have some on me, and I'll take the material that you gave me,

and I'll begin to create the dim woods first tear away, fairaway track suit style costume for Peggy while everyone else is picking out their outfits. Yeah, I'll think about what you'll have to roll for that as everyone goes on. As you see the thing that is called the Tuppens, uh, there's a chime that echoes through.

Thank you. The castor, he says, oh. The master needs me. The rider, the third rider. Of the, he rides a white grub. Oh, no. Oh, that's a Grubhub guy. Whoa.

They were all out of heavy cream. I'll say that's fam. Well. John, what are you thinking of wearing? Well, I originally thought I'd wield this typhoon blade from Fortnite season six. It's a very own brand. Well, I was just going to say, Grumme, you applied about hunting, hunting, bumpiles has turned me around.

Instead, I think I'll put myself with this entire blade outfit and put with sunglasses and hidden stakes in the wrists. Yeah, that's cool. Or I could go with something else if you'll prefer. This is kind of your whole moment, really. I don't want writing on it. Did you have an idea, Grumley?

You know, he had to pick a Marvel property. I was just, I mean the first Marvel movie, brother, it came out. A lot of you think it was Iron Man. Westwood Snipes was excellent in that. In fact, it was Blade, you know. It's a little steps on the toes of Van Helsing a little bit. It's not quite period accurate. I just don't know much about any other period accurate, man. Whoa, look, this is historically accurate Simon Belmont where he kind of looks like a barbarian outfit with like furry levers and that weird headband and like a whip. Oh, that seems like you.

That's what I was thinking the whole time. That was happening for third out of Tafoon Blade from Fortnite Season 6 Battle Pass. Blade entire outfit equipped with Ninja Sword that explodes out into four different blades and with the hidden... Well, you know, you get it. And they weren't their sunglasses, of course, of course, of course.

Because obviously he's a day walker. And then the third item on the shelf was the Simon Belmont Whip with headman and fancy lovers. Could you say that again? Well, first I started with the fact that he was a day walker, and that's why I had the sunglasses. And then, well, he goes to the thing.

I refuse to amazing. That's why he was a daywalker. That's why they were in his blood. That's why the original film, Richie, they were trying to cut. Yeah, very cool. Very cool. I love comment books. I clapped when I saw that.

I changed my mind. I want to be four. I changed my mind. I want to be four. Holy shit, it's meoneer. As you approach, should he be worthy, we'll control the power of Thor! I want to be Thor, my

as you approach this, as you approach this thing, you realize that where there's a clouds of flies, they go nowhere near this whip and you hear a, and there's almost like kind of this shimmering silver radiance. And you almost hear a voice that says, is blessed by God. Yes, just literally God. I say, I swear I almost heard something.

Take up the whip, my child. And be a vampire killer. Grumman, this is my favorite destined mission we've ever gone on. Oh, me too, I can't wait. No, I can't wait either. I strip. I strip immediately on.

You see a couple of boils and pestilent that he has. Oh, shit. I don't. I'm sewing. What than me? On you? Yeah, because you failed the saving throw. Oh, you gotta be careful as the zipper. Yeah.

You don't ever wanna pull the zipper up blind. Oh, it hurts going off. I don't remember this when I was getting dressed last. Oh, is that a boy? I gotta get out of here. Let me get my whip. Well, maybe blessed by literally God will heal you, God, Clod. Oh, well, one good.

Oh, by place. from your body. Wow, it's very Conan Barbarian-coded. Oh, well, I like it. I like it. You quit drilling, you struck oil. Let's see. Scarlett Johansson's outfit from Ghost in the Shell now. Scarlet Johansson's outfit from Black Widow, now. Sarah Michelle Geller's outfit from Buffy? No. Doom Slayer.

Men. Ooh, jeans, a jacket, and a tank top. Kristen Stewart from Twilight. I love it. It's perfect, Bitsy. Wow. Look at you. You're ready to kill some shitting bears.

Thanks. Why are you doing that with you? This is the skin of a killer, Bitsy. Why are you doing that with your lips and what's happening? Are you squint? I don't know if I liked this anymore. Oh, what a terrible night for a curse. Stop, stop doing that.

It's not too late to change, Bitsy. Well, what else is there? Well, is that the outfit share war in the Believe music video? Oh, shit! And there is directly next, you see the outfit that Cherworth the music video, directly next is a Kate Beckinsale's outfit and implements, including two guns from Underworld. And you have right tested.

Yep. Yep. I throw Ada Wong's outfit out of the way and I grab, uh... Oh, God. Oh, shit. All right. It's literally just like a dress. It's not that different from the Christian stuard out.

Make a dexterity jacket, man. But at your proficiency. Thank you. As you work on the velvet. You go like leather pants. Like a white shirt. Dex plus prop, that's pretty good. That's a total of 18. 18.

You concoct at least perhaps, maybe not the first in the dim wood. Especially because of all of visitors from the Hollywood. that visit Wartwallow. Yeah, you're probably right. But you invent a tearaway outfit exactly as described. All right, Peggy, I think this is gonna be it. I think this is up there.

I've done it. With your brilliant mind and your vision, I believe that I brought it to life. All right, let's. And I present her with it. Let's try this. Well, look away. All right, all right, sorry.

And I'll quickly don the Isabella von Karshine outfit, boots and all. What do you think? I think it looks pretty good. Whoa! Well, that was even more. Oh, it immediately tears away. That was even easier than I thought.

Oh, okay, Maca Dad. Do you have to resell that now? No, it can be happen over and over again. It's because of the miracle material that Peggy presented me with. Wow. Watch, put it on and reassemble it and do it again. Put it all back on. Look, it's like good as new.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna take it off again. I don't wanna wear out the mechanism. Yeah, okay. Whoa! Holy molly! What happened so fast? I'm just gonna face this direct. It's like instant.

That's amazing. Look at this froggy green flesh. Oh. Every inch exposed to the elements should I need it to be. It's all soggy. Have yourself this time, Peggy. Well done. It is quite moist in all the places it's supposed to be. The barometric pressure of the air has just increased two degrees.

Is that what they call it, what, Waller? Hey, I'm not the one with boils. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah, I should put my dress back on. Is that all of us? Are we all dressed up now? That's all of us. I still need a weapon. I don't really know how to use anything. Oh, the mini gun Vulcan Raven had for Middle Year's No.

I'm just going to fight with my mitts. I mean, you're pretty good at punching stuff. They almost called me Mitzie. Oh, that would have been kind of cool. Because of punching stuff. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I got it. I was with you. Because Mitz is another word for fist.

Mm-hmm. Yep, I'm right there with you. You know, they could call you Fist. All right. What? They could call you Fisty. Fisty? Yeah, then we'd be Peggy and Fisty.

No, that was my older sister's name. Seen there, show. You have a sister? I have many sisters. How many? I mean, more than you can count on two hands. What about brothers? No.

None? No, only sisters. That sounds nice. I only have sisters. I mean, unless you count my brother-in-law, but I don't. I remember we met your sister. Yeah, both of them. There's a weird guy in her basement.

Which one? Oh, you met her husband. Yeah, he lives there. No, the other guy. He was like... The one who's... penis you bit off? No, he was like all gobbly. So were you.

You're like in like a dungeon. I woke up there after my allergy. Was that when Booker was wearing those leather assless chaps? I think that was before, yeah. Didn't you, weren't they put on you in a dungeon? Which time? Wait, bitchy, what's that? When I walk over and there's like this ancient wooden chest? What is it?

and I open it, and it starts glowing. It's written in light. You see the gold on my face from you. Yeah, it's like, yeah. I start shuddering. And it's here. This has gotta be. What is it, Gumley?

It's the premium heart, Tifa Lockhart's ultimate weapon from Final Fantasy 7. Oh shit! And it turned her light, it's like a pair of gloves. I thought it was Bing Ram's soul! They fit in nice. Oh, what happened here? Holy!

Oh, wow. Now you, I think you can turn into a dolphin now or something. It's very unclear. Yeah, it's very unclear. But I can't jump off of a person's chest after a strange roulette game mechanism. That doesn't really relate to my character. It's not fun, though. I mean, it's, you know.

You know, unique. Interesting. I just know a lot of information, but people are really afraid of sharks, but they want to swim with dolphins, and that's just really counterintuitive. You're much more likely to be harmed by a random dolphin fucking than you are a shock attack.

What's the dolphin? So are we going to go now that we have all of our stuff? Kill some bears. Yeah, I feel pretty good. I mean, I got this weapon. I don't know how much these leathers are going to protect me, but as long as I don't get too close to the bears, I should be all right.

Isn't it like 10.30 in the morning? It's pretty here. Well, all I can tell you is it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Where the hell is why I need a margarita? Oh, we should just go up to the kitchen and use it. It's our margarita machine now. Yeah, but it tastes better when somebody else makes it for you and you're up to lift a finger, you know?

They're not here. Take the margarita machine to not here land. Yeah, but you don't need a margarita machine to make margaritas. We can get her to do it by hand. You can? Plus, there's nothing better than getting all sauced up on yardmogs before we start firing weapons and shit. You know what I'm feeling?

And I don't know if it's because we've been down here in the dark for so long and my vitamin C's so low, but a nice glass of lemonade. Oh, really? Yeah. Just cause? It's been a while. Yeah, I just think I need that vitamin C.

There's vitamin C and lemonade, right? I don't know. I don't even know what vitamin C is, but I hear that it's in there. I'll say I'm no scientist, so. Well, we could maybe just go train, you know, maybe take a few side quests. Oh, is that, um.

Well, do you think that they have a, Like a You know? Oh, like a training dummy? Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe they do, but I feel like we want to go out into the wild and really gain some experience.

You know what I mean? Like, like read the garden? I don't think we're ready for that. Well. If we went out into the wilds right now, one of us is dying. Well, look, I mean, here's the thing. I'm not particularly trained,

and I killed spiders like all night long. To be fair, you had that wolf guy with you, who is very trained, probably watching your back. You know what I mean? And you were also in a sleep-induced craze. I'll say I'm blessed by literal God. That's true. We can't lose.

He's blessed by God. What is this? There's an open wound on the side of your wife. I'm not gonna touch it, but it's leaking. Where did that come from? Oh, God, a fly's coming out of it. A flies coming out of it. Wow, that was watch.

You are healthy in my flock, child. Oh, I don't know now if I'm blessed by literal God or if I'm cursed by fly demons. It sounded like literal God to me. Oh. Wait, I think the hunchman gave me, I think a side quest a two. Maybe we can kill some time until it's nightfall.

Well, it sounds like there's a thunderstorm outside. We could go play some baseball. You don't know how there's a thunderstorm underground, but it's a... Wow. So he gave me this quest. That says make some felsom our blood sausages. And it needs bear meat, so obviously that's obvious.

We gotta just kill the bears to get that. But it says we need three spider icos. Ah. And that's gonna take us all fucking day to farm those. So why don't we just go kill some spiders, you know? Ah. I mean, the spiders drop the icor far more than those stupid birds in the barons drop their legs, which is fucking strange,

considering each one of them has two legs, but every time you kill them, guess what? No legs. Nonsense. Or pig splems. That's true. Why are these pigs running around without any spleens? Um, what do you need pig spings for?

Well, who's that guy I was talking to? He just, he wanted some. He told me he would give me a book. In the book, I would be able to eventually, if I walked all the way across the world and gave him some other stuff, I would eventually be able to summon this, like, weird-looking tentacle dog creature that could, like... What the hell? You do my bidding. We go to farm boars and spiders in the underground equivalent of Elwyn Forest.

As you are all leaving the armor, you hear all of all of us. Oh, there is. We're off to how, we're off to how, because we're off. That's pretty good. Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh, more flies. You hear the buzzing as the creature known as Tupin's emerges. And there's-

Formally known. Formerly known as Tupins. As he flies before you, and he looks at you and he says, The master has given you free reign of the castle. Well, obviously, Peggy owns the place, and she said that we can go anywhere we want. Free reigns here.

But the coachman is not to be trusted. The coachman is not to be trusted. Do you hear this? He tried to tell us that the coachman is not to be trusted. After everything, you just told us. He's saying he's not to be trusted. Why is he not to be trusted? He's like totally to be trusted. That's his whole thing. He deals in the clean. All right, hold on. Let me, hold on. And I walk up to the vessel formerly known as

Top vins and I put my arm around his shoulder and I pull him aside and I say, some tentacles kind of like grip around. Yeah, it's kind of and I try to like brush it off, but I lean in close and I say, hey, hey, listen, yeah, I do. I'm still still holding. I'm still holding it. I'm still holding it. And I lean in close and I say, listen, I know you don't. You don't know Grumley very well, but he really needs this. He doesn't get a lot of wins, all right? So do me a favor and knock this shit off. All right?

The quarry you seek. What? Is chosen of the great plague master. They will change as I have. As the master has, they will join the reign of plague. All right, well, all I'm asking is just like, for the next like 12 hours, just, just stay off, get off our back and just let us have a little fun, all right?

Very well. As the Ruiz in the library. All right, Gromley, we're good. Come on, man. We're gonna have a good time. He's the Lord of Leeches. The first rider of the Great Grub. Whatever that means.

Maybe we should go, you know, pay him a visit. No. Well. But free reigns here. Play rates. The library is forbidden. We'll go farm, and he looks at you with these huge fly eyes as he buzzes off.

All right, that was weird. I'm sorry about that. No, I... So, wait, what was the intention of that? What did he say? I miss most... He said something about the... We weren't supposed to talk to the carriage, but he made a mistake, all right? We're allowed to talk to the coachman.

He's a good guy. Oh. We're going to have fun. Oh, good, cool. All right. Yeah, let's go have some fun. We're gonna have fun. And let's join the pack.

Ooh. Here we go. All right, who won three? Ready, here we go. One, two, three. Hoo. All right, good work, team, let's go. Come on.

Let's go. You make your way outfitted, out across the drawbridge, and you see the coachman. He is holding his axe, and he's holding a torch. as he awaits and he's standing very stoically, and as you arrive, he looks at you, Grimley. And he looks, then he looks at your friends. And then he looks at you as if awaiting,

giving you a knowing look of the subtle communication of canines, of can they be trusted, can they be part of the pack? The moment that he looks towards us, and I see the coach, and I'm like, hey, ha, check this out! And I hold the cross mode, and I pull the trigger, but I pull it way too hard, and it goes, as like six crossbow boats like plow into the side of the coachman, like to the side of the coach like sticking out, oh, wow, ho! That thing has, the trick is a little touchy there.

Sorry about that, guys, still getting used to this thing. Hoo, who, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. I thought we could talk to each other now because we're all wolves. Yeah, we can, but like we're doing sort of like a canine thing. You wouldn't really understand. They're cool.

They're cool. They're with me. They're part of the pack now. Very well. Whoa. You were right. His voice is way cool. I say he can speak. It's really cool. That's right off the chain. I am Godfrey of House Silver Pine.

Silver Pine. That's what badass. I'll say that's so bad ass. Damn. He's got a sexy voice. Well, he did. First thing he told me, he's like the wolf guy's got a sexy wolf voice. I was like, I expected him to sound like.

I didn't believe it, but now I believe it. Oh. Are you prepared for the hunt that we have this evening? I mean, do you see what? what we got where, what we're wearing, we're ready. We shoot it up. I'll say we actually came out here to do a little train and we're gonna kill us up.

This is all Grumley though. I mean, he got us ready. He picked out the outfits. He gave us our weapons. He knows what's going on here. Dude, with a voice like that, you should be a voice actor. That's so cool.

You must pledge yourself to the pack of Silver Pine. All right, is Grumley the alpha dog here? No. No, no, no. I think he's the alpha. No, he's definitely the alpha. No, step up, Grumley, be the alpha. I mean, is it room for me to be the alpha as well?

with you. When alpha asked that question, Bully? No! The alpha would say, I'm the alpha. Say it. Just, say it. I'm the alpha. To say it louder.

To say it louder. You will lead your companions to train. Yeah. Yeah, I will do that. Tell them all about the shitting beds. While you do that, I'm going to go get the bolts out of the side of the carriage. I'm so sorry about that. If I come up with some extra...

I'll pay for it. I'll pay for it. And I spend like 20 minutes trying to pull these crossbow bolts out of the side of the carriage. out of the side of the garings. I spared you the details, but I am a member of an order. Wow. That's an order. There was a great paper war.

Pastor, I'll say the prophecy. Holy hell, it's he knew about this. I knew it. I knew it was true. I'll say the prophecy of a result. Between the wolves and the bears of the woods and we, in our self-destruction and and our mutual destruction, we drove ourselves underground, away from the trees, away from the paper,

where I could prevent these Shottinstein's from ever achieving perfect. It's coming out, he was losing it. Oh, no. So it is shot and stain. Oh. That was that. You just caused an injury, sir.

Oh my God. You cannot do that one. I can't believe we've had two spit takes in like two weeks. Oh my God. I don't think we've ever had that. Oh, that's... Luckily, that one did not spray the entire side of the table. Oh, that was really close. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Holy! Oh, man. You grab me the self-control. There were many of these blue bears during the softness wars. Also in the forest supply? In the forest supply, yes. It's a neighboring forest at the dimwood. Forest supply. And now the, my order has hunted these monstrosities down,

but three remain the last descendant of the soft paw, the Privy Lord, and the Crimson Street. Oh no, they've united. But they've killed my entire family, my entire order. Now we are all that. You killed your whole family? Yes. That means that there's no Mrs. Silver Pieder, what I'm understanding.

That's too bad. Mrs. Silver Pied, so came to the dysentery. She became one of them. I had to enter myself. Do you have to enter yourself? Oh, I think he said, end her. Oh, oh, sorry, you're on the bad side. You're on the bad side.

You're on the bad side. I got it. He said enter himself. Oh. No, that's a very, very different thing. That's really sad. That exorption wars took on a different thing. Very sad, very sad. My great ancestor, Lord James, Silver Pine,

he had, was great with a rapier, and he had almost slayed the heir, the progenitors of this great bear race, and he went down as history as three-hole punch gym. Oh, he's real. Very, hope one. Jim, he's your ancestor, James. Yes.

Oh, James, yes. I don't know if you knew this about me. I didn't. Oh, God. Okay, I'm learning this for the first time, yeah. But there is pestilence on the winds. They grow in strength. The abomination in that castle now grows in power,

he seeks unclean entities and there's no beings far more unclean than the shardin stains. Oh, well that actually, that raises an important question. The, uh, there was the vessel formerly known as Tupin's specifically said that you were like not to be trusted and it was because of something clean or something Mr. Clean. Never trust a night creature boy. Well, I'm getting mixed messages here. You're telling me not to trust them. They're telling me not to trust you. Like, what are we doing here? Who Tupins is dead. Well, the vessel formerly known as.

It's a evil soul from hell that was ripped from the inferno and placed into Tuppets' body to create that fly-like abomination. Whoa. Oh, that's pretty metal. That's pretty cool. I mean. But we totally trust you and definitely not trust them. Weigar's pretty cool, but it didn't make great marvel. I can't stand, I can't stand. The best thing about that guy is gone. The Margaritaville machine is gone.

Yeah, and honestly. Honestly, his mango readers were so much better than the Magavitas. Oh! I'll say, I'm strawberry decorous. Oh, oh, also worth mentioning, uh, Weigua. Mega pain in the dick. But he showed me his legs earlier.

He grew like three more of them. They're like insectoid. It was weird. It was very, very weird. The Weigur that you have known has changed. I'll say it's definitely a pain in the dick. I think I'm gonna have to have this frozen off. If we survive the shot and stains, we may have to deal with him next.

Oh, no. We gotta deal with Weig, that's the best news I've heard all day. We get to kill that bastard. Well, we need to train before we take on Wigel. You do. We hunt tonight. We, but you need to train. And so I need you to go out and you'll need to kill each of you. 15 deep cavern spiders.

Oh, shit. From each of you eight deep cavern venom sacks. Each of us? Like we don't share them amongst our inventories? No, no. Hang on, is it shared? Hold on, hold on. No, no.

No, no. They each have one. I have a question, all right? And they need to be pristine venom sacks. Is it a hundred percent drop chance? Not a chance, no. No, we're gonna be out here all now. This sucks.

I have a question for you. Let's say I tag one of these spiders first And then Booker comes up and he shoots us with the crossbow. Do I get it because I hit it first? Does Booker get it? Because he killed, what if Book is the one that kills it though, he deals the killing. It's entirely random.

Oh, son of the God. It's not even round robin. No. No. No. Is it like a loot council? No. But what's the re-fix?

No. They respawn really quickly, right? Oh, yeah, they probably respond pretty quick. Once you kill all of them, it's about 30 minutes until they're all right. Well, it means we have all day. And the good news is that there's There's no way there's anyone else out there

doing exactly what we're doing at the same time. No, of course. No, no. It's the only five. Who else is gonna be? No, how are you guys? No! Mike, I am so glad you're playing wow.

Oh, that was very fun. Where the fuck did these people come from? I'll say the sum is awful popular. We have to France, we're all. Thank you so much. for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to,

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