Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | S2E4 | River's Eleven

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

In a gambit to save Booker's dad from a possibly fatal gambling debt, the Vagabonds "plan" a heist...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/KqtH8XdQw5Y?si=mY93lt7Iyy_tgzWX

Welcome to Legends of Adventurers. I'm Betsy, and you're listening to Uprooney. Why's your house so soggy? Hey, hey, hey. I've never seen it this soggy before. No, that's a likely story. Or ever before. Why is it so soggy? Just to see if I recognize anybody and, you know...

Do you think your father's would be? You know... Dad? There's no way, Booker! Is that you little Booker? The Riverfolk Company's trying to say them My dad has 15,000 clams in three days. I'll say 15,000.

How can this be? How could this happen? Oh, I just, as soon as I get my hand on a few clams, I just slips right through my little fingers like cotton candy. You know, I got a few leads. Ned and I were gonna do a little bit of heist on the slide. I guess that may not work out. And what is we gonna do? Fifty thousand clams in three days?

That's right. You know the way you could get that kind of money for? A heist? A heist? Oh my god, Bitsy, you're brilliant. What? A heist? One lump sum.

From the casino riverboat. That's right. We'll need an alibi. You just tell people that you're at spelling being. They never questioned it. I say, I say, Jean-Luc, what in the hells are you doing here in the fuck? Oh! Son, I didn't want to have to get you in all mixed up in this.

So I'm not gonna be back tonight. I'm, I gotta plan, don't worry, your old man is smarter than he looks. I'm finally gonna go to the hungry catfish and bet it all in Win Big. You are in the cramped apartment. You're, it's a one bedroom. And he definitely tried to clean it up a bit,

but he forgot to get the mac and cheese in the pot on the stove. And that's really there. You've just finished reading the letter. Booker. No. I can't believe this. He wouldn't possibly. If he's really in debt like this, he's no way he would try to dig himself out by gambling more, right? Did you read the letter out loud? Yes, of course I did. I did it in my little Rappoon voice. You all heard it. It was dramatic

and wonderful. Then it moved you to tears. Is he gonna be okay? I don't know. Well, what if he wins big? You don't win big at the casinos. But see, the house always wins. The casino sometimes, sometimes you win big, and then you get all the money.

I mean, occasionally, but that's not the norm. You don't go gamble to get out of financial trouble. Well, what is? Oh, jeez. What if we hires to casino like I said earlier? This is a sign. We can maybe stop your dad from gambling or use him as part of our elaborate plan.

I don't know. Or my feet made us all of this money. We could gamble too and then the odds are even higher. I've never been gambling. Well, I'll say I don't think that makes me all the odds. Why not? Well, because one person putting them money, and is less likely to win than one, two, seven of us.

Is that how odds work? No, John Plot's right. She doesn't improve the odds. We might be seven times more likely to lose. But then we're also seven times more likely to win, right? Well, I didn't go to school for math, and I went to school from lawyering, and you'd be surprised how infrequently mad comes up.

Can you call up your accountant brother than that? Oh, no, I won't call up John Luke. That rap scaly and that flim flammer, that no good evil doer. I won't call them up not even one bit for one thing. You think, and you realize that John Luke could solve that math problem in the way. So here's the thing. If that number's right, my dad's in too far debt that him gambling anymore is going to make any difference. I understand where he's coming from.

If he hits it big once, he solves all his problems, I get it. So not too worried about that, but we need a solution. None of us are going to come up with this kind of money before, you know, how many, how was it, three days? How many days we got? Three days? I don't know. A heist is about the only thing we can do, but there's no way we heist and get away with it. They're going to know it was us. Really? Really? If we're going to heist a casino, we'd need a Tom Petty, two gunpowders, Robert Pattinson, and Schwarzenegger and the biggest pallet trade as I ever seen. What?

What? What? What? I didn't understand any of that. What? What? Thank you. That's a question I wanted to know.

And why's it gotta be so big? Never you guys ever seen Oceans and Living? Shit. Is she in that? No. We would need a number of people with roles that are sometimes given names like what I just said. So one of us has to be a Paul Atradis.

The biggest one I ever seen, yes. Whoa, we're a number of people. of people. This could work. I could be a Paul Trades. Wait, well, what the other... Who was the one and the two and the three? We needed a Tom Petty, two gun powders,

a Robert Pattinson, a Schwarzenegger, and the biggest Paul of Trades I ever don't see. Well, if Peggy's the biggest Paul Atreides, you ever don't see? There's one important question. Have you ever seen the Paul Atreides before? Uh-huh. Roughly how big would.

Taller? Smaller than me. Oh, they're right. By your size. Fuck, I can't be the Paul at Trades. It's really about the, what did you? Well, I think it's, I mean, Grumman wanted it first, but I think it's fine now. Did you want to be that first? Oh, no, I wasn't trying to say that I wanted it.

I was saying it was already taken, so that leaves all the other options. But I can't take it because I'm not, I'm not the biggest polytrates that bits of the seat. But two of us can be dynamites, is that what you said? A gunpowder. Oh, gunpowders. That sounds kind of cool.

No, you don't want to be a gunpowder. Why not? Because it's like a fall guy. You just make a big explosion. Okay, I call that one. I call that one. Peggy would be very well suited for big explosions. I got magic. Do you think you could be two gunpowders?

Oh, hell yeah. Okay, well, we got a gunpowder. Peggy's at least four gunpowders. Yeah, I'm at least. That's what, you know. I do remember that thing that happened in that woods that one time when you killed all those people. Would you imagine? Haunting.

Yeah. I still dream about the way they were screaming. Well, oh, this means that Booker can be Tom Petty because he's such a heartbreaker. Oh, oh, you don't have to say that. Oh, you big galump. Oh, his charisma's very hard. That's very kind of you to say. What's a Tom Petty?

I don't know. Me neither, but it sounds cool. Can you tell us what a tompetty is? Because now that we know what the dynamites are, maybe tell us what they all do. You read this. Oh, I see. Oh, I see.

It's all ready. It's all right. In this handy pamphleth. That was the improv, no reverse card. Instruction manual for hoisting requirements. Let's talk about the basics for heist first, and then we can get into the road. We're just going to steal their money?

I mean, that's generally what heist means. Should we just burn the entire thing to the ground? No. Oh, why? It's gonna kill... Who knows how many people, including Mr. T. Raccoo. If we're gonna do this, it has to be... It has to be as unnoticed as possible.

If we show up to the riverfolk and we're like, hey, we just came in all this money and they're going to be like, where'd you get it from? And then wherever we took it from is like, holy crap, we're missing that exact amount. Oh, I have a great idea. We could just lie. About what? Where the money came from? No, but they'll put two and two together. It's too obvious.

What if instead of robbing the money? What if we finagled it so your dad does in fact win and strike it big? Oh my God, I have a brilliant idea. Sean Claude. Peggy, I want to hear your plan first. I'm telling you right now, it's great of an idea as that was, and it was great.

It's dangerous, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, this is going to be dangerous. But what if we just make our own money? You want to counterfeit three million plans? I'm supposed to be a counterfeit three million plans. We don't even know the exchange rate. 150,000?

150,000 clams? Yeah, something like that. Somebody checked a wiki. Is it on the wiki yet, but on the wiki yet? If we can even draw one fake clam an hour, it's going to take us way more time than we have to counterfeit 150,000 clams. How many kids do you think live in this, Tim? Well, after the whole incident with the rotating tobogging thing,

I don't think we want to go with the child labor plan anymore. But they're so good at drawing today. It's a little hands. I know. It's nimbled. Yeah. $50,000. $50,000.

50,000, okay. No, I think John Law's on to this. I think we can rig the casino in our favor. Just to just make my dad win. How? How's that going to work? Why are you looking at me like that? I haven't got that far yet.

Oh, okay. Well, I don't know too much about gambling, but maybe we get jobs as dealers, and we run the games. I don't want to get a job. You just had a job, dancing on stage. I was a job. That was a hobby.

Well, you got paid. You dance? Wait, you don't get paid for your hobbies? No, not normally. You shouldn't work on that. Well, yeah, I'm normally. Well, I got paid for my job. I don't need to get paid for my hobbies.

You just got fired. Well, officially I got this bar. It just means that I'm not fired. It just means I can't legally do it anymore. But, oh, so you were unemployed before too? Well, no, it's more like you gotta find work, you know, you kind of work as it comes. So I wasn't as it were unemployed.

I was just in-between job. It's 15,000, not 50. Contract now. 15,000 clams. All right. I looked it up, and I can't see the conversion rate for clams, but I looked up advantage's clams, and on Reddit, someone says, could someone explain the clam joke to me in which light?

And the response is, okay, I just watched it. DM says the mermaid favorite food is clams, which is a euphemism for... Well, don't stop now. We'll find out to figure out. You had a humor. That's why it didn't work out with the mime. Okay. Well, here, that's

making up the phrase. This is manageable. That's like one spin on a roulette table. Or like one giant windfall of some other game that's random chance where you can bet a lot of money in one go. That's all we got to do. You sound like that guy who wrote that letter.

What letter? The letter. Oh, from my father? Yeah. The one who's going to gamble. That's right. But we're going to rig it so that it goes in our favor and he wins. Oh.

That's it. Come on. Come on, Bidsey. Keep up. You can do it. You sound like a Robert Patton. We're going to need you. I thought I was Tom Petty.

No, you said you were Tom Petty. So then what are you saying that I am? Well, and then who's Robert Patton? Right. You can be Robert Patton. I thought he was the biggest Paul of Trades we ever seen. No, what? I thought Brumley was the biggest Paul.

Trudsonniggins. What? Do we have enough people for this? We have a serious leadership problem in this group. Division of labor, we need something. Why didn't your dad have this weird figure of a slum guy? Oh my God, don't ask. Do not ask.

Pretend you never saw that. That's, no, we're all going to forget we saw that. Oh, God, it came upon and it's kind of sticky. Oh, yeah, that seemed a little grease. So is that it? Is this the plan? The best plan we got? Because we got to rig the games.

For your dad. Yeah. Well, what if we get caught? Then we go to prison forever and we're just executed. The Riverfell Company, they'll kill my dad, they'll kill us. The casino owner will kill us. It'll be bad. There will be no coming back.

There's no, there's no fixing it. If that happens, you can just remake the universe. We'll be all set. Yeah. Oh, well, that's not too bad, then. Low stakes. How do we get, It is the thing. It takes a long time to remake the universe, so we should kind of avoid that.

Oh, okay. Oh, how long does it take? At least four or five days. Oh, that's too long. Much too long. I know. Well, we definitely don't have a better plan at this point. What if we go to a bank and we get them to give us the money? And then we pull off the highest, we'll replace it with the money that they'll the bank gave us, and then we'll have the money. They won't know it's gone. It'll look the same. Well, but with any other people, but... All you've done is double the number of heights.

What? What do you mean? What? No, the bagels is given to us. It's called a loan. I don't think getting a loan out to pay that gambling debt is a great plan. That's just double the debt. All you've done is double the amount of debts.

I don't know. I need to see the math on that. Shake your dead has cinemags. Oh! She sucked. Warning, warning. Oh. All right. So.

Okay, so, sorry, go ahead. Oh, no, you go ahead. I don't know what I was gonna say. Well, if we're gonna do a high- We got to plan it. So, I guess first we got, what, are we just gonna walk there? What are we gonna do?

You said something about being employed there, but what's gonna guarantee they're all going to hire us? I mean, they probably have people working at already. I can't guarantee employment. Yeah, we'd have to affect the games from outside. We can't rely on becoming employees. If there's anything I learned, for being a sex worker again.

Excuse me? No, continue, please. Keep going. This is going to be a good one. Is that it was really easy to get the job. Okay. What if? Because performers, right? They need performers at that riverboat you would expect.

And you play that man Joe. Oh, but it's in the river. It was destroyed. I sacrificed it to tonight. You don't have to play that. But you're a musician, and Grumley makes all of those sounds. He's essentially a beatboxer in the noises he makes beneath his jowls. That's a good point.

I'm clearly an answer with the thing you saw I did with my feet. Okay. And then we've got these two. And so between the five of us, we should be able to create some kind of performance troupe. We could offer to perform. And then we're in. And then we're in. And then what?

Oh, I don't know. Look, I didn't say I was solving the whole ice So that was going to be able to get in part. He gets us access to the back of the house. So after our set, when we're in the green room, we've got access to everything. We just slink off into the fine, figure out whether keeping all the clams,

we just take 15K or so for us and my father, and then we're out of it. You know what we could do? If we're the performers, right, we just say that they're our roadies? And then while we're performing, they're just off heisting. Do they let roadies do heists?

Is that a thing that happens, normal? But no one's gonna tell them that the rody's doing heist. Oh. So we gotta find a way because we can't take Bitsy on the stage. Yeah, she's a loose cannon. I don't know that we can take Bitsy on

to the highest portion. We run into one person. We're running to one person with strong, and whizzen and gliding. You have not seen Bitsy in action, all right? If there is anyone that could snap someone's neck successfully, Booker you should watch, it is Bitsy.

Bitsy crumbles like a dry cookie. And not little. That was very funny. And any sort of social interaction, I've holding on it for 20 minutes. I'm with Peggy. This plan will work. And if we're really worried about it,

I'll play an instrument and you dance and we'll send Brumley with them. What if instead of us are going as a tree? Anytime you're not around, Grummey, he starts shaking and barking at everything, then he moves? He does have really bad separation anxiety. What, what do you say?

No, it's all right, don't worry about it. It's all right, big guy. Don't worry. You get this and I read lips to help my, you know, spatial awareness. No worries. Oh. And so I'm afraid that if we separate him from you,

he'll make noise and draw attention to the high. But it's really strong. You know, there's a, there's a boon there. He's very, very strong. I don't make noise. I don't know what you're talking about. All right, this plan is really strong. Regardless of how we split up the teams.

Because he's the thing. They're going to have to give us a dinner break so we get to leave the stage. That's right. That's when the heist happens. So they can prepare, well, we're fake performing, real performing. And then we go on our dinner break. The heist sets in motion, and then we go back to performing, and they'll have no way to blame us, because we're

performing the whole time. I'll say the main problem is that we're right back to the issue of paying them back with the money we just, oh. If we pay them back with the heist and money, they'll know what we do it. So when I say heist, what I mean is rigging whatever game, Danny Book is that? Well, here's the thing. One, we know that the casino is not necessarily affiliated with the River Folk Company. And if we're taking a small enough amount, they might not notice initially.

I have another idea. That is very similar, but tangentially related. We're hoping no ideas. No bad ideas here. Oh, magicians? We still get jobs at the casino. We all go and maybe there's a job fair coming up. Okay, when I said there were no bad ideas,

and we could go to the job fair, and then we could have Peggy here could be one of the cocktail waitresses and I could work security. I do love cocked. Booker could maybe be a dealer or like an Elton John cover act, you know, something like,

like that. Bixie, maybe you could be... I give good massages like those chairs at Brookstone. Oh, you could be a massage chair. And then... Sit on me. Sit on me in field. You could identity theft your brother

and pretend that you are Jean-Luc and that you defected from the auders and then you can be the bookkeeper. Why haven't you done that? That's good. You're very far. So I said, hold on. That's the best thing.

Why don't we just get you to impersonating your brother? Should you have the money and pin it on him. Identity theft, wrong Luke? That's the best part of the plane I've heard yet. And scrap the whole getting a job of performing. That fuck all that. We could be your bodyguards. Croply is the polychidies.

I don't know too many accounts that have bodyguards. Wait, but what about stash your own pigs? He'd have to be, I don't know. No, no, he's defecting from the artist. He's defecting, so you hired us as your muscle to protect you, Because you know that the orders are going to come for you, but you've decided to align with the riverboat guy. Oh, and it was basically a show of strength

to steal all of your brother's friends away from him because that was all he had left. Not saying that's all you have left right now, but that's something that John Luke would possibly do. Well, that's absolutely something that John Luke would do. This is a chance we get massive amounts of revenge on your horrific brother. I don't do it. I don't even care that your dad's in jail.

I would have done this with fun. That's what I'm saying. That's why we need you. Yeah, well, let's deal on Luke's identity. I think that we got it. That means, lovely, you're the Paulus, and you're the Tom Petty, and you're the gunpowders, you're the Robert Patterson, which means I'm the Schwarzenegger.

Means I get to go crazy and kill a bunch of people right in the middle of the house. Well, that's exactly what it says in this Nifty Pamphi is your name. Well, that means that we all need different roles to do. Is that gonna work if we're all just bodyguards? What did you want to do? I don't know. Do you act like you want to use? How are we gonna have the elaborate heist monologue

if we all do the same thing? What makes Palletrade is unique from the dynamite? You came up with this amazing plan. That's right, that's the Pauetra. You're the brains behind the operation and I'm the bombs. Yeah, I guess. There's just no monologue. That's fine.

You can have a monologue. About what? Whatever you want? Why don't you befriend the casino owner, and then you can, like, talk to him in the middle of the heist and reveal our horrible plans? Well, no, I shouldn't do the monologue.

It needs to be like a George Clooney-esque kind of person. I feel like Booker should do the monologue. You want to do the George Clooney-ass monologue? I guess. That's what I'm being volatile to do. You're very George Clooney. I'm sorry. All right, all right.

I think that's... Enough flattering, please. I'll do it. I'll cross off Tim Petty and I'll put in a George Cleary. You have to sell tekeetal later though. Okay, sure, whatever. All right. You tell me what to do.

What do I have to do? You're Apolitratis. So, drugs? Yeah. Oh, no. Okay. Well, figure that out. This could work. We steal 15,000 clams and we blame it on Jean-Loup.

Jean-Lute, this could work. Your dad's free. I say, I say. Amen. Your dad's free of his crippling clam death. And hopefully, Jean-Luuk's up for... But then we all got to get out of here. We got to get the hell out of Dodge.

Skip town. My dad included. We can't stay here because they'll catch on eventually. And we don't want to be anywhere near here if they figure it out. Deal? But we still got to find a way to cover up the fact that your dad has the 15,000 and clams. We'll deliver it on his behalf. It's fine.

Are there two casinos? You could say you wanted a one casino and then then the other. I don't think this clearing is big enough for two giant riverbord. That would be a terrible business decision on one of the business boats, perhaps. I've seen Starbucks across the street from one.

That's fucking crazy. Oh, yeah, they've got these pumpkin spice lottes right now because it's now Halloween season. I walk over to a shelf and I pull a book off the shelf. clearly a dictionary and I'll flip it. A crime in which valuable things are taken illegally and often

violently from a place or personally. You not know what a highest was before? You have to look that up to understand what we've been talking about. I just want to make sure we were on to see Pete. Jean-Claude, you're going to pick up on it eventually.

But Bitsy's much into the beat over own drum, as well I'll say. Oh, there's been a thing or two that's conveyed that in a short time we've been accompanied. I can't believe your dad has a dictionary. Yeah, it's a little weird. It was a big thing back in the day. People were just ordering dictionaries and encyclopedias and getting a mail to your house and it's like, what am I going to do with all these books? They're all heavy. Where am I going to put them out? People will think I'm smart, I guess. No, one day he doesn't have anything. A through E is all torn out. I think that he's been using these for rolling people. Oh, that makes a lot more sense.

Oh, no. Guys, I just had the realization. I think my dad might be a bum. He's got so much going for him. I don't think that's true, probably. I think I've been blinded this entire time. Oh, booger, he's got E through Z. Looka, I wouldn't count your father out right away.

You know, desperation changes people. Yeah, well, now that I'm really thinking about it, I mean, really thinking about it, he's been desperate for a long time. Is that why all of his curtains are crispy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mom's been gone a long time. Things kind of went downhill when she skipped down. And now it's starting to make a lot more sense why she might have skipped down.

My dad's a bum. Maybe. You don't know. We got to fix this. We got to at least try. I know it's late. I know he's going to be out gambling all night. I mean, do we try now?

Do we not even worry about affecting the gambling games and we just we try to blame it on your brother We just try to pin the whole thing on him and we just we just roll in them we try to steal it I don't I'm not thinking so great here guys I'll say maybe there's an argument for getting in the way of your dad in a hot table He doesn't dig himself any deeper into the the clams casino if you were That was very funny Oh thanks everybody realistic mace-mouth. Yeah.

Oh, thanks everybody. Thanks everyone. Okay, well, if we're going to go with this plan, we do have to figure out what we're going to do, though, because we can't just walk into this casino and just go, okay, well, now you go steal the money and figure out how to blame it and then also get away. Well, I'll go in and say, I've seen the books, and they're giving way too much money to the local government. The taxes have been done all incorrect.

That's what John Luke would say that's in the... mathematical bishops. Could you just be the taxman and just go and say, hey, you haven't been paying your taxes and you owe 15,000 clans to the tax man? Oh, just kind of like cook in the books. Well, everyone knows who Jean-Luc is is the problem. So you walk in there, they're gonna say,

oh, Sean Nick, it's so good at math. Why don't you come on in and do math? I hate that guy. They'll never believe that I'm the tax man. Well, think of John Luke. Well, you just got a lie. That's what you do best. Just lie that you know mass.

You are I say, I say, grown up, you know how to flatter up. Thank you. No, I say thank you, good sir. So, I mean, maybe we don't have to collect the taxes. Maybe we go and say, you're behind on your taxes, unless. And we just ask for a very measly bribe of 15,000,

clams. Or we'll have to shut this establishment down for the foreseeable future. Oh, that's right. You'll lose the value of one million clams a day. And what they'll do is they'll fork over the money so that they don't have to shut down operations and then they'll form a horrific vendetta against your brother. Well, that's a big amount. I'd do like that part. I care less about the money. The vendetta is really what's important to. This whole plan hinges on you. You can do this. My idiot. Idius. Idius. hatred of that no good feather-picking, ugly, son of a bitch is gonna get us, he's gonna see us through this. We're gonna get your dad out of this, cause I can do anything if it involves

smearing the name Jean-Luc Chanticleer. All right, that's what I like to hear. Why don't you call on Mugly? You guys look exactly the same. No, we don't, how dare you? You don't know a thing you're talking about. You have to look up eyes, okay? Why don't you look up common sense,

but you can't, because it's ripped out of the dictionary. Because look as dead using his roller paper. Bitson, I sell, I can't believe you would taste such a thing that his visits is anything like mine. Hold on. G. For GameState, good job maintaining game. That's very funny. Are we good with this? Are we in agreement? It's late. I'm tired. We got to think about this. We got to figure it out.

I've been going maybe now if he's currently gambling and the casinos never close. So every hour that goes by, he's potentially losing more and more money. Yeah, and so then we have to factor in if he's losing money, however many we need to, however many monies we need to get, we have to add on whatever he's losing. All right, all right. We'll go now. We'll go now. Are we all ready? I'm really tired.

I also am a little tired, but, you know, we could get some energy drinks on the way. We'll be all set. That sounds fine. Do they have any ghost? Because I'd like a bit of anxiety. A ghost soda? Yeah, a ghost soda could really go well right now. I agree with you.

I could just use a little bit of the nervous chitters to get me going. Why would you want to find ghosts? Are you going to look for ghosts? Because I have a phobia that. Ooh. Oh, it's just synonymous. Ooh. Don't.

Let's do it. Let's go. Okay. Okay. And your dad's not a bum. He seemed very pleasant. Grumly, you don't have to... You don't have to try to blind me to the truth any longer.

Didn't he just get married? And he's training boxing and he's making friends. Oh, my dear sweet, Grumley. He's gonna win big at the casino. It's all right. It's okay. You know, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but it's not necessary. Okay. This is what they call a moment of growth.

Development. It's what builds character, you know? We're gonna figure this out. Yeah, he'll be able to get out of this with a little bit of luck. It's a little bit of luck. A coming of age, Teal. Perhaps.

Perhaps. Well, let's go. All right, I'll lock up. Everybody out. Everybody else. Just a little bit. I'll lock up. That's fair funny.

Everybody out. Thank you for being up what I'm slammed down, Derek. Everybody out, everybody out. And then as we file out, I'll walk to the door and I'll look over my shoulder back at the sad one-bedroom apartment and really take it in for what it really is for the first time. Just kind of nod my head, hang my head a little low, and shake my head.

Curtain of Beats to separate the kitchen from the dining area. And I'll close the door. And I'll lock up as we go to find this riverboat. one of those fuzzy posters on the wall. That Beauregard is allegedly at. You know where the hungry catfish is. It's been in operation for, since you were a kid. And you are easily...

Your dad used to take you there for your birthday. Yeah. That's been good times. I didn't know how good I had it. You were... And so you're easily able to go towards the edge of the clearing where the water of the swamp is the deepest. and you see it from a very far way away.

You walk through the various districts of the clearing, and you see the great treetop buildings and walkways and houses where many of the birds that live in this clearing are starting to settle down for sleep. It is getting late, and you see the ever-present watch of the eerie guards and the eerie soldiers, but they seem to just be keeping watch at the corner. Occasionally some are patrolling on foot, but most of them just keep to the trees and on wing.

And eventually you see the great lights of the hungry catfish. A huge riverboat on the edge of the clearing, as the, despite the town of Muckbed Creek, starting to wind down a little bit. This district that you're in has a variety of taverns and saloons and smaller gambling establishments. And you see the occasional small gentlemen's club and various just establishments of hedonism and vice.

And however, the biggest of them all is the hungry catfish. And you see that there's a very large gangplank going all the way down to the road where the road just continues up to the wooden plank into the large, glowing doorway into the casino. All right. I think at the very least, I got to deal with my father. I got to stop him from gambling. You're going to, like, deal with him?

No, no, no, I'm just going to stop him from gambling. Yeah, we're not going to kill anybody. There's no point in doing a heist if my dad's going to get... I've had it up to here with you, okay? It's a very stressful time. How are you going to get him away from the tables, though? I'm going to figure that out. I've always had away with words, but I'm willing to take any help that anybody's willing to go with me.

Other than that, you gotta figure out how to trick these guys out of their money. And you can take whoever you want with you. I think we've got to divide and conquer this thing. Oh, oh, well, since we're all security, I rummaged around your dad's closet and I found these five black turtlenecks. I figured that maybe we could like look a little official and professional, you know, before we walk in. Well, that's very thoughtful of you, and I appreciate the proactivity

to getting us to our goals. Well done. I'm gonna put mine on. It looked pretty big. You're like way too barrel chested in front of like fit, right? Like the neck is getting like stretched, the turn like, wow, that is something to behold.

Oh, yeah. I feel like I just need a wired earpiece and I fit right in. All right, I'm gonna, I'll put one of those on too. Okay, all right. We're gonna put these on. Oh, no, I got four of them, I mean, because obviously you're gonna wear your suit.

Here you're right, it's on. I'm wearing a turban. It's happened. You come to government. They'll think I'm here to do something else in time. Oh, what's that? Everyone has a hard attack. I can't see how the neck hole. This is too big.

It's kind of looked like a dress on you a little bit. No, no, hold on. I was thinking I would just use magic. What? If I'm, you know, the dynamite, I might be the person to ignite to ignite this entire place should something go awry. It's best if I am invisible. You can do that?

Yeah, of course. imagine. Oh, well, that's way better than a turtleneck. That's fine. I'm not just for you, but I'll keep it as a backup, I guess. I think if you're going to do that, you definitely go with a boy here, Jean-Claude, and then things really go crazy. You'll be there. They won't know you're there. Maybe you can just take the clams if you have to. Oh, right, perfect. You can just, you can just steal the money if you need to. What do you? Pay, pay, pay, what are you doing?

Becky, please, what are you doing? Oh, shit. We're not doing this again. We're not doing this again. I think she's about to go invisible. Well, Peggy slowly peels off her

and throws it on John Lute. Takes off her hat, throws it on John Claude. Not tonight. It's not. That's not it yet. I don't pretend to be on the for a second longer than I have to. And Peggy gets completely naked

and slowly like moves into the greenery around the hungry catfish and essentially cast in visibility. All right, now I know you probably never witnessed this before. She's gonna be nearby. You're not gonna see her, but just know she's got your back, all right? Well, okay, if it starts to go sideways, just grab the money and run. If you're still around me. Alright. Don't worry.

Who you're going with? You going with the... No, no. Team Johnny. I really don't want to. No, I think you should take Nancy. No, Betsy can be your assistant. And I'll be your security guard.

Booker's going to be the degenerate gambler that talks to Mr. T. Raccoon and Peggy's running over watch. That's pretty cool. I think we're in agreement. I think that's the plan. I think you guys go with John. And if you guys need to get messages

back and forth between each other, I can do that because no one will see me. That's right. Oh, Peggy, can you throw us like a plank of driftwood Bitsy need some kind of clipboard. Yeah, sure. And Peggy will attempt to find whatever this is.

But you'll hear, though she's invisible, she's not quiet as she stumbles and steps on branches and yells. Oh, God, that bush just poked me in the ass. Okay. I get an actual 20 to find the first. No! You find it real good.

He's a perfectly flat drift wood that is clipboard shaped and color. You're standing there. Everything's quiet, and all of a sudden you just feel Peggy's head right next to your shoulder. But the driftboard for you had been seen. Feel that wood poking you in the back?

Oh, yeah. That's mine. You can have it if you want. Is that one of the cold are big? I got it. Thank you. Catch it on quick. Catch it on quick, John.

Okay, now, Just act like you're more important than the person that you're assisting and that you know everything at all and that you're smarter than everyone else in the room, even though you only got like three or four credits at community college. Okay, can you do that? What? Perfect.

All right, everyone. Good luck. We can do this. If things go wrong, Just get out. Don't stay too long. Don't do anything overly risky. Because if we end up back in jail,

we're going to be back in jail with our attorney and he's not going to be able to get us out this time. This is a very serious risk we're taking in order to help your dad. If you want at the casino, this is all become for nothing. What? No, say that last part again. We've taken a great terrible risk.

Okay, and then after that? If you're dead... Yep, one more. One big in the casino. Then we just leave. But we'll already be in there. We just walk right out. But how are we going to know?

We have Peggy. She's going to be sending us messages back and forth. You can do that? Yes, she said she could. You can't see me. Thanks. No one's going to believe I'm invisible if you look like you can see me. Oh, because Peggy's that shade of Disney World green that you're off.

It just sinks back into the subconscious. You don't even recognize it. It's not even there. All right, we all ready? Oh, Hanson. Come on. Come on. Team effort. On the count of three.

Groggy bottom boys. Two. But I'm not a boy. Groggy bottom boys in one girl. Good job. Two girls. I forgot this. This is also a girl.

All right, we can do this. Split up. Go in. Go, go, go, go. Go, go. Go, go. Go. Roger, break it, try again.

You all run into the hungry catfish, and you see a huge casino. Multiple levels, grand stair keys going up to a balcony where there are even more table games. You see that at the center of this, it seems to be deeply inset into the floor is a racetrack of some kind. All around are various bars,

various, numerous table games. There are hundreds of people in this. Some are cheering, some are crying. Many are very drunk and stumbling. Everyone's having a great time. You see that in the corner, there is an owl at the piano, a white-feathered owl with large sunglasses, and he's playing on the piano, and he says, you can never know what it's like, as you see a sign that says,

Tonight Only, Alton John, as... Incredible. The Alton... Incredible. And you see that the... Oh, rock a owl. You see a big... That's pretty good.

It is Grand Casino. What would you like to do as you enter? I'm gonna look for my dad, but that's the simple task, so I'm gonna turn it over to the rest of the team who has the much more difficult complex task. Can I have a D20, please? Thank you, sir. I will look for,

I'll look for like the, I'll use these, okay. The like gate you'd go to to check in, to try and find a, like a night manager. Oh, yeah, you see a couple of pit, bosses around the room and actually make them second tip. I got a 13, but again, worry about them first. I gotta do something funny over here.

18. You look around, you see a couple of pit bosses, and you see that there is, what do you call that like where you get the chips, that counter? That's what I was thinking. Yeah, you see very clearly and prominently there is the exchange for chips, and you see that they take both gold and

as they, as you see that there are a number of tellers. There are a couple of people cursing and swearing after losing big at a game and are going up to buy more chips. They take the last of their coins out of their pouches and get more chips and head back. Well, before we do this, it's time to become the Zone Luke. Open my briefcase and I take out the thing that's going to change in all a pair of glasses. And I donned them. I say, I say, now I am John Luke. Whoa!

I know. It's uncanny. Oh my God, where did John Claude go? I look totally different. And Bitsy, take this piece of paper. You look ridiculous. You're just walking around with the slapper driftwood. Oh, do you have a pen for her to use to?

Yeah, I have a second pen. I always keep a spare hair. Do you have glasses for her to wear, too? Well, of course. Of course I have bits of size glasses. These wrap around your ears. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. It's fine. It's very, bye. Well, I'll say something's wrong with your voice. I was thinking something else. I look up at you. I've got those, like, big, big round. 100%.

Oh, I knew there was a reason I kept those on me. One other thing. And I'll pull out a piece of paper and a pen and just really quickly scribble something down and then keep it in my hand. All right, let's to the counter. Let's see if we can't find who's in charge here. Of course, Mr. Chanticleer.

By the way, Mr. His last name can change. It's still Mr. Chanticleer. Chanticleer. Oh, I'll say, I'll say, hey. We are not making it very far. No, no, we got this. Spitzie, we got us, right?

You walk up to the first count and it's open. You see a Sprightly Young Fox as he looks at you and says, How many chips would you like? Well, I said I'd like them all, Spritely Young Fox. What's your name there, young lad or last? I'm very good with foxes. Oh my God. You've made the normal mistake.

Your briefcase pops open in a tuckerware filled with spaghetti. That's very funny. Oh, oh, no, my lunch. I grab a handker shift it falls out right. Oh, oh. My name is Phineas, sir. What do you need? That'll be enough out of you. I need you to find me. Who is in charge? I say I say immediately. Are you talking about Mr. Ladue? Mr. LaDou? No, he's way too important. So beneath him, but probably just so. I need to see whoever manages the money this evening. I am sent here on behalf of the Dimwood government tax

collecting agency. You may have heard of me. Jean-Luc Chanticleer. of other criminals. And I need to audit all your money. Chips and gold. And clams. Those two. Taxman? Yeah, the tax man, exactly right. And you will take me to the money and those in charge.

Or you'll be threat of something far worse than death, young fox. And that's government regulation. Oh, make a persuasion check. Actually, make a deception shot. He's so good at this, isn't he? Wow! 19. Uh...

Oh, wait, wait, I leveled down. Hang on, look on. That might not be correct. It might be 12. 19? I think it's 12. I have plus nine. But I used to have a thing that was like the lowest in world's 10. Oh. Yeah, yeah. But I think that's at a higher level.

Uh... As soon as a little as... As soon as... as you mentioned taxes and being a tax man, you see him step back and he pulls down a tin can on a string. I need Mr. Ladeu here, and it goes back up, and he'll be right with you.

Well, okay, I'll wait right over here. As he closes the shutter to the window. I will wait patiently for Mr. to do. That was pretty good. I think that that was well. It sounds like they're intimidated. They're shaking in their boots.

Well, the one thing you can count on in a criminal organization, if they want the government about as far away is, well, everybody else. You need great, they look over your head. He's an applauded plant. Oh my gosh, you're blending right in. My eyes can't capture you a particular kind of great. I know. It's magic.

And Peggy's very clearly naked in a firm, and no one seems to notice her. Everyone just completely walking by. It's almost like it's magic. You do see that somehow, director, Ferretweezzo is actually over there. He's also in a fern. You can see Peggy.

More perfect. He's the only one. He's the only one that can see here. No, the only thing he can see are Peggy's feet. He's in a pot that he's dressed as a fur. Yeah, I'll be next. Booker. While they go off and you see,

you hear a pup of a corp gun go off and the cheer as you hear the rolling of carapace on stone and sand. as the pillbug race kicks off, and you hear the loud cheering of Beauregard T. Raccoon. Oh, yeah, baby! Let's see. Oh, no.

I run over as fast as my little furry raccoon feet will take me, and I run up right to him, and I grab him by the coat. Dad, Dad, it's me. Booker, what are you doing? Oh, Booker, I told you, your old man could handle it. Oh, my God, this is amazing news. We have, we got to go. We got. Yeah, no, I put it all on that one. What?

No, the odds are great. I'm going to be able to make it big when the love has left my relationship of Winsby. All you had to do was walk away. You were waiting. You had plenty. Walk away. I'm hot tonight. Why would I do that?

Because if you don't fix this, they're going to kill you, Dad. Oh, but I can, then I'll pay them off and maybe I'll own the Riverboat Company. Hey, what do you think? I can't believe this is happening. I'll move across the clearing. I'll move into a much bigger condo. I start paying attention to the race. You look.

I'm sweating bullets. You look and you see as 12 pillbox, they're not the size of dogs, or Greyhounds, basically, as they're all rolling through this oval-shaped course that's in the bottom of the casino. As you're looking down, people are cheering. they're holding stacks of chips,

and they're very excited. As you see, oh, that one there, the one painted purple, see? You see as it is in the lead, as it is spinning around. And oh, there it is, there it is! This can't be happening. And suddenly from the very back, you see the pill bug that is painted with the yellow stripe.

As it turns to the final stretch, it rolls incredibly fast and in a matter of seconds, it zooms past. The love has left my relationship. No. The purple pillbug. No. Zooms forward.

And your, as the pill bug in yellow zooms ahead. And that's it folks. The complicated maritime salvage law has won the race. That's right, really. Oh no. Wow, what a photo finish. Dad? Yeah, Booker.

How much are you down now? Oh. That was, uh, that was 65 big ones, I bet. So you're now, your total debt is now 65,000 clams of the Riverfo Company. Oh, don't tell me it's 80. No, hold on. What do you mean? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I need, I don't think right when, I don't think right when I don't have a drink. Here.

Here, thanks, honey. Okay, here you go. Here you. Oh, I don't have anything to tip you with. Sorry. She glanced out of and walks past. Good thing to drinks are free. This podcast is brought to you by our Legends of Adventist Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com. and gain access to tons of exclusive Legends of Aventris perks, including a monthly movie night with Legends of Aventras and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign by Legends of Aventras set on the high seas, shroud over saltmarsh, presented by Legends of Aventras.

You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement. The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragon 5th edition. and don't forget to snack all them extra goodies like dice and miniatures and plushes in a tarot deck and more. Thank you from Legends of Aventrys. I mean, that was 65. My next loan, I owe 15,

and then I only got a small loan of 15. Yeah, that's 80. Is there any more? There might be a couple of bookies I still owe some money to. Dad, we had a plan. We had a plan. We were going to get you the money to at least pay back the River Folk Company.

But that was when it was only 15. Well, if you would do the plan and then we can just bet it and try and triple the money. No more betting. No more gambling. Dad, come on. Use your head. What are you doing here? You're not going to win.

This isn't going to solve your problems. We're trying to help you. Well, fine, you're right. You don't have to worry about you, old man. I got it handled, I got a plan. No, no, I don't think you do, Dad. I don't think you've got it handled. What are you saying I'm some sort of bum or something?

You know what, Dad? I am. I'm saying you're a bum. No one calls Beauregard T-racuna bum. Are you ready to back up those words? man I call Beauregard T raccoon a bum the intimidation check oh my god I would like to use one of my vatic inspirations you can so I got a dirty 20 you succeed in in broil yeah I puff up my chest and I get in his face and I like kind of bump up against him a little

bit what are you gonna do about it dad you're gonna meet me outside son and I'm gonna teach you a lesson. I should have talked you a long time ago. Beauregard. T. Raccoon ain't no bum. All right. All right. I'll meet you outside. But we're going to meet. On the other side of the clearing, there's an old soggy apartment. You can't miss it. It smells bad by now. It's absolutely drenched. Over there, there's a little patch of river, and I'll meet you there. So on the other side of the clearing, you can't miss it. Look for the soggy apartment. And that's a weird thing to say when I say it out loud. Just trust me, it's there.

Yeah, I'm going to teach you a lesson, son. Okay. You're lucky that there are all these goons in here that would kill us both if I started a fight. Oh, yeah, I'm the lucky one. Yeah, you're the lucky one. I'm the one who's been all over the dick. I'm going to teach you a lesson, man. You heard me, Booker.

Okay, okay, dad. Ah! I didn't miss his shirt off. Ah! See this? Booker! Yeah. This is what Pete performance looks like. He's got a pot belly.

Yeah. Yeah, you're looking a little soft, Dad. You're looking a little soft. Your years are catching up to you. Yeah, just you wait. I never taught you out of fight. I didn't think you could take it. I'll see you in the soggy apartment.

Okay. Okay, well, just one more thing, Dad. No! I was in prison. I was in prison, old man. What? I know more than you know. I've been around the block.

I went to the school of Hard Knox. I've been to prison. You've been in prison? And you're a bum! You've been in prison! I've been to prison! I've been to prison! Oh!

Where did it all go wrong? Oh, no, Dad, Dad, I didn't meet my... Oh! Oh, my God! I failed as a father! No, let me explain. It was an accident. It was a big misunderstanding.

We weren't supposed to be there. Look, I got carried away. We both said things that we didn't mean, all right? Come on, it's gonna be all right. Just come with me. from the table. Come on. Come on. Come with me. Come on. Oh, okay. I'll like be carrying them. You're right. It's okay. Come on. It's all right. Oh, thanks, sweetie. I don't got anything to tip.

But you get off. Why, no, my. Stop, stop. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's get you. Let's get you out of you. Come on. Let's get some fresh air. God, what am I going to do? We're gonna figure it out. Here's what I need you to do. You're gonna have to find Ned. No, no, no, no, no. We're not gonna find Ned.

There's a good chance that these might already be gone. Just come with me. We're gonna get you outside. We're gonna put you on a park bench, right outside of the riverboat. And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna find my friends and we're gonna keep working on this, all right? Or better yet, maybe just go back to your apartment and sleep it off. That was my last clean shirt, looker.

You know, that's unsurprising, but you don't need a clean shirt when you're back home in your own place. It's all right. Okay. Okay. Gosh, I really thought that that was the big race. I bet we all did. We were going to make six figures. Yep, yep.

So many clams. That would have been nice. Listen, can you promise me you're going to get home, just go home, stay home, and we're going to come up with a solution for this. It was my lucky day, Booker. Yeah, he was supposed to be all of our lucky days, Dad. Okay.

I'm going home and finish. that mac and cheese I made earlier. Yeah, just, okay, maybe next time just don't, you know what, just go home. Just get home. Get home safe, all right? Okay, Dad, we heard you the first time. He's getting old now. Come on. We heard you. Oh, is nothing wrong with your old man showing a little emotion?

No, I know, it's okay. It's very, you know, real men cry. Okay, I'm going home and having some turning on skin of mac. I can have finishing that crusty, dusty mac and cheese. All right, good. Thanks for sharing. All right, and I'm going to see him to the front of the riverboat and, like, watch him as he walks towards his house, his apartment. And just keep an eye on him until I think he's going.

He's making his way there. I think Jackaloke Jug has got a special on tonight. I don't need to ever hear about that. It might still be on when you guys get back. It's fine. We can watch you together. We're probably not getting back tonight. Just don't stay up for us.

Don't tell me about your plans. Just keep that to yourself. All right, good luck. Well, I'm just going to see him off. I'm going to make sure he get, and I'm going to wait there until I think he's on his way. Okay. Just get some fresh air and think about all of this new information I had to process.

You do that. Meanwhile, you hear a lot of commotion. But you stick with the plan as there, several of the pit bosses, immediately look over at you. Their people are, the staff members here are, are whispering and you hear Alton John playing away

And I'm a rocking man As I say this is my song As you Finally wait And a from the very top of the stairs A figure appears The tallest figure in this place An enormous alligator

man in a fine purple suit, a cigar in his mouth, very well dressed with the widest grin you could possibly see. As his eyes immediately find you, John Claude, as he walks down the grand staircase up from the second floor, as... He looks up. You see that he's wearing a top hat. All of his fingers have rings. on them. He has a chain from a pocket-watch chain that's brilliantly gilded as he steps forward

and approaches you looming tall and he says, well, I wasn't expecting the taxman to show up on this fine evening. What can I do for you? I say, I say, Mr. Ladoo, it is a pleasure

to meet you. I am sorry, however, to say, it will not be your pleasure to meet you. me Jean-Luc Chanticleer at your service and your coffers will soon be at mine and I produced the piece of paper of which I had written an illusory script that says Jean-Luc Chantaclair tax accountant for the tax auditor for the government of the dim wood you all all books and money will be surrendered for my review immediately. Or upon penalty of the riverboat casino

being shut down indefinitely. Now I don't understand why the area would send a different tax man to come and collect on such a fine evening. Let me take a look boy. Where do you are? Make a deception check. I do assure you, Mr. Do you want twist? Oh, we do a lot of twists.

So you can add five up to a maximum of five before you roll. I'll have five. He's very scary. That's fair. I'm very unsettled. Talking to extremely large crampment. No. Oh. Oh, no.

Oh. Oh. That's a natural one. For a total of 15. I'll roll it inside. Can I use a bardic inspiration to subtract from your insight, do I? Is that how that works? Yeah, if you have the ability to use, what is it, distracting words or...

Uncettling words. What are you going to say? As he's looking over it. Oh. Yeah. I say, I say, Mr. Ladoot. Us tax auditors, we don't choose the ballroom, we just dance. Very good.

And he's really good at math. So how does that work? I just roll D6 and it subtracts from here. Okay, roll the D6. Nice. Four? So you subtract four? Okay.

From whatever you roll the inside of it. I think I recognize your name. You are the count in the... that the Don has recently added to his employ. Did he send you or was it the Erie? I can't recall which you said it was. Well, I say, I said that the Erie sent me, as I have recently parted ways with the Don,

as we did not agree on acceptable rates. And I have taken with me some of my finest henchmen, one of which whose power is entirely unmatched, and the other one whose crazy psychosis is entirely unmatched and is unpredictable and dangerous over all the riot. I went private security. If it were for me, this place would fall apart. His eyes dirty. For Mrs. Chondclair. He rolls up your paper and hands it back to you.

Oh, thank you. Now I would expect the Erie to send a bird and to collect their pound of flesh, but the best they can do is a chicken. Well, you're about as good and useful as in a chicken and sausage gumbo. Wow. You can slang all the hurtful words that you like, good sir, but Words won't sting as much as a percentage out of your evening's take. Then what am I back? I assure you my books are up to date. I will be the judge of the day.

Make one more to sell you, Oh boy. It's easier if he just does it himself. I swear. Five twists. Five twists. Who we got them. Spanked him. Okay. Better than 24. Much better.

Holy shit. Okay. Allow me, Mr. Sean Tclare to show you to a ledger. I assure you that we are square. Well, I appreciate the hospitality, Mr. Ladoot. I say, I say take me and my heinous henchman to your ledger, and we will see how square you are. I think you all should enjoy a drink and perhaps some dessert in my office.

Well, is it found out? That sounds nice. Do you have any drugs? What kind of man do you take me for, boy? Someone who sells drugs, not the illegal con, but I'm the biggest polar tradies, which he's ever seen. I'm sorry to take drugs He's a little off

He's strong But don't look at him funny He'll start talking weird I swear He looks at grumly funny I like a void of contact You know You even brought your dog to heal

Does he do any tricks Well you press him a little further I say I say and you're gonna see him rip straight in the bone. Why don't you try to roll over, boy? I don't know any tricks. It's like a dry cookie. I'm gonna say something in medicine, right?

Just say something about doing tricks and make it threatening. Oh, I could take you in the marjaws and do a death roll with you and break your bones. You get it, you're like an alligator guy. And you roll over sometimes. It is at this moment that I'm going to sneak out of the plant and head straight for Booker.

You would find me by the piano player. I tip somebody for a drink. I'm having a drink. I look wistful and sad. And I'm waiting to see if there's an opportunity to potentially maybe play and wait to see if you show up. You find me sitting there very soon. You're sitting there.

you're looking off in the distance, all of a sudden you notice the whites of my eyes darting back and forth inside the piano. And as you look in, you see that I am attached to the inside of the piano. My sticky little frog finger is just attached to the top of it. Peggy, keep your voice down. Oh, sorry, sorry, okay, I won't look.

Bidgie! Budgy! Budgie! Budgie! Budgie! Budgie! Budgie! Burt!

I have a Bortchney. Bunt! I have some unfortunate news. Yeah, I do too. You go first. It looks... Bidgette. They're screwing the pooch. That's not good?

Yeah, I don't even know what Grumley's trying to do right now. But I think he's on to us. I think he's on to us. I think he can see straight through it that he's not a tax man. And in Bitsy, she's not going crazy. She's acting like a personal assistant or a second. It's uncanny, it's strange. I hate it.

It's unnatural. All right, all right. Take a deep breath. Listen, I'm gonna need you to go back to them as well and let them know that we need a lot more money. We need closer to like 80,000 clams. Better make it a cool 1K just to be safe because my dad's a bum. He gambled, he was up and he gambled it all the way,

and we could have just walked and he took out another loan and he gambled it all the way. I'll relay the message, but what I think you got it, intervene? I don't think it's working. I'm scared. But I'm scared. Listen to me, Patty, listen to me. Don't be scared. Take a deep breath.

What are they? Did they need an out? Do they need an out? You've no idea. I can create a distraction. He says his books are solid and they're up to date. He's gonna take him back to his office and it sounds like a sex thing or maybe a murder thing. But I don't think it sounds like a tax thing.

I mean, I can create a diversion. I can maybe play a song on the piano. Or draw the crowds out. I don't know. We got to get them out of there. I don't think they see it. I don't think they realize. I'll think they can get back.

Okay, Peggy, get it together. Go tell them, go tell them the new amount and tell them that if it gets bad, if they have some sort of code word, that you get back to me and I'll create a distraction. I can bring the house down. I promise, I can do it. I remember when Rock was young.

Me and Shrews are hands what was fun. Go. Go! Go! Get tell him! You see Peggy slowly sink back into the piano. Her eyes blink a couple more times knowingly at you and then just disappear. And I'm going to wait there, drink in hand, and I'm shaking a little. Now I'm nervous. You're shaking.

And I'm taking it. And I'm going to wait for an opportunity, like for one, this guy to maybe take a break. Yep. And two, for some sort of sign that they might need a distraction. And then I will try to come up with a plan. you hear the song continue but the biggest kick I ever got was doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock

It's very own brand And immediately all of the staff gasps And Mr. Lidou glares towards and a hush falls over The crowd

Brilliant as he's playing on the piano. Cry rocking. I see so. What do you just call me? Alton John is stammering. Well, I was just doing this thing. I mean, I'm not Alton John.

I'm the Alton John experience. As Mr. Ligian. looks, steps forward, goes right past you. And as this owl was looking up, nervously, he's stammering and his giant sunglasses fall off his face, fall off his beak. And he has actually shocking small eyes for an owl. As he said, well, I was just a,

you just call me a crocodile. This is the song, what's the difference? This guy's dead. He's so dead. He pulls out his pocket watch. Well, how about that? Look at the time. And he snaps. And immediately a fleet of guards and thugs from all over the casino come down and grab Alton, the Alton John experience, whoever this poor musician was. as he gets grabbed and you hear his screams

as he gets pulled away I have a front row seat to all of this and I'm just like as he turns around the entire casino is quiet as Mr. Ladoo closes his pocket watch and puts it back into his coat sorry about that in a row

for tonight's entertainment. All whiskey's half price for the next hour. Enjoy. Everyone cheers as the crowd goes wild again, rushing to the various bars, as you see as Mr. Lidu's eyes follow where the guards have taken this owl and followed his screams.

I would have used that moment if I could have. I could have to make my way back to the group. And as this is happening, you would look down and you'd see that your briefcase is open a little bit and you see two blinking eyes. Oh, sit home. Hey, I mean, briefcase. Is that you?

You'll see a bit of paper slowly rise up out of the briefcase, just the tip. Class. What? Yes, hello. Thank you. What are you doing? Take the paper.

Oh, okay. Well, let's see what this is. It's just, uh, yes, quiet, quiet. Of course. In big letters, it will say danger, danger. I need a cohort for Booker just in case you fuck everything up. Yeah, no shit. There's danger.

You see what he just did that all the job, babies? Keep your voice, don't. You think this is a fucking secret message? He has had 47 guns. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. just freak him out. Okay, I need you to break.

I don't think I barely know what I can put my label in the line. I spent 20 minutes ago. I'm just in my tweeting jobs. You know, I needed something to do. I got a disbarred. I was swirling. Oh, I need a co-wre. John Clair.

Hey! Jean-Loup, I'm going to come. That's what I'm talking about. All right, I'm back in. Jocobo. Write it on a piece of paper and see it back in here. I'll be out of your hair in no time. You won't even see it.

Why do you do that? That's not gonna do anything to the pen. Yeah, it's all experience. Just with a mystique of it all. It doesn't actually do anything for the pen, you're correct. Uh, oh man, what's a word that would not come up in casual conversation at a casino? Cremmy, does your turtleneck smell funny? What? Who? Grummy? I thought you said, Cremie.

I might have? You don't know. Just mine? Is mine? Yes. Um, well, maybe it does now. Does yours? Yeah, it's been weird since I put it on.

What did it smell like? You know like when you open Play-Doh for the first time? Oh yeah, I do know what it is like. As Mr. Lidu walks back to you. He pulled out a handkerchief and he wipes his brow as he puts it away and says, I am sorry about

that. Nasty business. Nasty business. Oh, no. I say I mean the musical entertainment for the evening. I can't believe. I need to find out who arranged for the entertainment for the evening and they will have a stern talking to.

Mr. Ladoo, we appreciate your hospitality, but we got all kinds of places where the DGTCA need to collect them taxes so if you could have just just let us in and see your ledger and make sure that we are counting correctly then we'll be able to be on our way well I suppose then I can prove to y'all then you'll leave me away I thought that I got away from the blood-sucking mosquitoes when I got out of the heart of the bayou but I guess that you can't escape the vile proboscis of the tax man I say, no, you cannot. What's the nature of the animal king? Will join me for a after-dinner, cocktail, and plate of dessert.

Well, it would be our pleasure. That sounds nice. He leads you away, Booker. The piano is empty. As there's a little bit of blood. I would, like, get up with drinks still in hand and, like, walk over to the piano and be like, oh, boy, what if we got myself?

into. And I'll sit down at the piano and I'll just begin to tickle the ivories a little as I'm like warming up and waiting for some sort of code word. Waiting for some sort of like there I would be just playing ambiance music and warming up and I'm just full of emotion right now with what happened with me and my dad and the murder that I just witnessed right in front of me that's shortly actively happening as we speak and waiting for some sort of code word. to cause a distraction because deep down in my heart, I know that I have a soulful tune that will really get the people going.

As you warm up, you perfectly play the opening notes of Piano Man by Billy Joel. You're stealing my, you're stealing my song that I'm gonna say. But yes, I'm warming up with Piano Man because that's, there's a reason. You're warming up. You're warming up.

You play smooth hotel jazz. I don't know how you knew, but you knew. You just knew. Best friends for 10 years. That's right. We're operating on the same wavelength. You play flawlessly hotel jazz as people are like, man, I thought, he didn't play my favorite song.

He tipped that guy, the Alton John experienced 50 bucks, and he didn't play my song. I tipped him 20 glands. He promised he would play goodbye yellow belly toad. What happened to great balls? of fire. Oh man. As Mr. Lidu leads you up several flights of stairs. I would slip the paper back to Peggy before we wouldn't eat moves to head up the stairs. She can do whatever she's doing in the briefcase. You see that it sinks into the darkness. You watch Peggy's eyes blink a couple

of time and then all of a sudden your brief your briefcase feels significantly lighter. I'll say that is weird every time. And what is written on the paper? Flynn Flam. I should hear him shout that. Yep. Yep. Eventually, if you see a beautifully carved door,

a very private top level of the hungry king. Catfish, Riverboat, Casino. And Louis Lidou opens it with a shiny brass key and welcomes you into a smoky office, a beautifully decorated, beautifully, beautifully adorned with all sorts of art and a strange, a collection of strange artifacts. As you see a large mahogany desk

and a cart with liquor, and you see that there is a several trays of various confections, and he says, can I interest y'all in a cartel and a slice of pecan pie to let bygones be bygones and put all that nastiness bust behind us? Well, I say I think that's a great place to start. We wouldn't dare turn down the hospitality of history. You run a very beautiful establishment here, sir. I certainly wouldn't since I've been denied my promotion. Said we're talking about this later, man, sir.

We wouldn't be here without my input. I'll have some too. And I also need a floor plan with all entrances and exits and potential sniper's nests and foxholes. I'll say that's for tax reasons. For the security of Mr. Chanticleer, it's protocol. Oh, and drugs if you haven't.

I mean, it's actually I get a dispatcher. Can I twist? I'm twisting. Of course you can. And you see as he goes to his desk, he leans down, he pulls out a small key, he unlocks a door, and he pulls out a very heavy leather-bound tone. As he places it on a table that's away from his desk, he walks past and drops it down. And you see that there's a clasp on it, and he pulled out another, even smaller key, and he opens that. He says, feel free to peruse, my good rooster.

Well, I say thank you so much for presenting this here, sir. I unhooked the, assuming it opens. It does, yeah. And he goes to his liquor cart, and he begins pouring, and he says, How long have you been in the clear, and I, I've only heard of your name recently. And he fixes cocktails and brings them to all of you. and eventually arrives with plates at Peacan pot and spoons. I look down at the first entry,

a simple bet, paid out, 100 clams, taxes paid, 10%, $10. Math, I'll say, well, this will look wrong already. Oh, I'm just, no, it's complicated. I'm a tech stuff, you might not understand. Well, I'll say, well, how long have I been here? Well, you know, it's hard to remember exactly the time in which you've shown up to a place, you know? Once you kind of get your bearings, it oftentimes feels as if you've been there forever.

But as you say, I do believe it was rather recently. Just a short time ago. Make a deception check. Page two. I got a 14 on my reception. Oh, okay. What's not that? 21. 21?

He nods as he hands you the pie and he's looming over you, despite your size. He's looming over, he paps you on the cheek. And he says, you all right, boy, you're looking a little green around the gills. You don't have the excuse on account of being a mammal. No, this is just a normal job. And, you know, I'm a mean son of a bitch. literally, because I'm a dog, get it. You can't put it.

Or no performance. I roll the natural one. Oh, five. It was a good try. Five is pretty good. Well, it's a good thing that he hired you for security and not for comedy, boy. That was awful.

As he smokes his, I interest you in any fine cigars. Perhaps some coffee, I'll get it brewing. Ooh, I'll take some coffee. That sounds nice. All right. How's it looking, tax man? Well, I've made it all the way.

You can see we are all butting up here. Well, there are 5,000 pages in this thing, sir. I'm on page three. So this is going to take just a minute or two. I wouldn't want to hold you if you'd like. You can come back in maybe 30 minutes or so, and I'll give you an answer. My best guess is how we're looking at that time.

No, I think I'll wait. Oh, okay. I think I'll wait as he goes over to his chair and he unbuttoned his jacket, slings it over the back of his chair. He sits down as it creaks as he kicks his perfectly polished shoes up on his desk as he smokes his cigar and eats a slice of pecan pie. By eerie decree, he's permitted 48 hours to review your ledger, sir. Just giving you full context.

If you decide to sit here with us for 48 hours, if it takes him this long. You get a step from Chuck. That was really good. That's really good. Advantage. Yeah, being assisted. Advantage? I'm using fire twist.

I'm using five twists. I need a different dye. I do all my dyes. There we go. 24. Oh, beg. And when did the tyrants in the treetops

and state this new regulation? The last tax man didn't need my ledgers that long. It's their new leader, sir. You know how it is. Got quite a bit of turnover there and, you know, whoever's in charge. Pest a bunch of new laws

as soon as he was sworn in. I think it was last week. Bastard, desperate, that bald son of a bitch. It's true, there's a lot of new loss in the books that totally changed everything. People paying way more taxes. Imagine being a bird and not having any feathers on your head.

That carrying eating low life. Well, I suppose that nothing can be done. Do you wish to stay here for 48 hours then? We can put you up in the room in the catfish. Well, I say, I say I think that's much kind of me, sir. I wouldn't deem to take these here ledgers out of your fine establishment, so if you provide myself and my attach

appropriate accommodations, as it were, we would be more than happy to do this. happy to do this work under your roof for the next 48 hours. Make it for a station check. He sits and stews for a bed and he slowly just eats his pie. Coffee's ready. I suppose since I am certainly not letting you take that off of the deck of my boat.

Y'all can be put up in our finance room as well as we'll have to just rearrange this walk a customer or two guests, but only the best for the authorities. Now I understand that if you do find anything out of order, then you come directly to me. And I'm sure that we can make it right. And he, as he steps forward, he squeezes your arm very tightly. and it places a hand on your hand, as you see that there are 25 gold pieces, as he leaves that, as he says,

well, if you will all finish up your cocktails and desserts, I can pour y'all some coffee, and you can take it to go to your rooms, we'll just need an hour. Well, I say quite right, good sir. I think whatever, a wish, Whatever I turn up in this here mathing I'm doing, I will bring it to you straight away and I'm sure that my findings will come up agreeable to you.

Wow. He walks to the door of his office and opens up and he just gestures out. Don't think about leaving now. I have eyes everywhere. I say I would not. We would not think about leaving. We're here on the deck of your hair ship. Wait, sir.

Allow me first. Clear. Come ahead. I'm sure that you shouldn't need a full 48 hours. Any accountant that is up to the snuff of the area can certainly do math. And they could be able to calculate all that no more than six. Well... I'm sure you won't need it, but you will have a room at this establishment.

I say that's once again, mighta kind. And now... here could calculate this in four hours. Jean-Luc, Jean-Teclare, don't forget the name or the face. Don't worry, I won't. I am, however, extremely thorough as it would to be a tax ordered accountant man of the government. And so I will quintuple and sometimes even decimitouple, my

finds. And which means that it will take me not the full 48 hours, I say, I'll say, but what possibly four. Make it a second drink. I say decimatouple? What the fuck? And it's as you say that, that you spill a little bit of your drink

and you look down and you realize that there's movement in the carpet. What the hell? And then you realize that it's Peggy's eyes as they open up. Peggy is between your legs staring up and you just blending into the carpet beneath you.

Ah! No, I hit a bad note. What the heck, Peggy? Whoa! Stop it. That's scary. I don't like it. Freaking me out. What's going on? Yes, I hear you. I see you. What do you want to me? What are you doing? What do you mean? I'm invisible. You can't see me.

Okay, I can't see you, but I have my attention. What's up? Okay, great. I'm gonna slip this piece of paper right beneath your side. Don't get all creepy about it. Okay, well, don't be weird about it. All right. I'm lifting up. What? You're a really strong cap muscle? Thank you. You're working out, Puckoo? I have been, you know? I do it in secret. I don't want anybody to make fun of me. No, but I've been working. I've been working. I think you for noticing it.

Yeah, it's working. It's really working. It's not every day that I'm sitting like this and my pants are riding up and you can see my calves real night. So thank you, Peggy. I appreciate it. You're very welcome. I don't want to make fun of me. But I'm going to slip this and this is the code word.

I looked at it. All right. We fucked. And then just as quickly as Peggy says that, you look down and there's nothing there but carpet. Well, that's not good. But you do see the piece of paper is just right beneath your thigh. I take the piece of paper, the leg that the piece of paper is under, the thigh that is attached to. I lift that foot up and I use that foot to play the other part of piano while I use my hand to look at the note.

And I see flimflam. Flimclam, yeah. All right, I tuck that in my pocket and I go back to plan. 23. He gnaws at you and says, I hope you have restful sleep and pleasant dreams of all this riverboat. Our guests always do. We have the finest feather beds. In a clearing like this, there are plenty of birds to plug.

You that's fucked out. I'll say, I'll wish the same pleasant dreams and sleep for, even to yourself, good sir. And I would tell you to not sleep in, but I know that you rise with the sun. Good night, Mr. Sean Tclare, good night. Good night to you, Mr. Duke-Click. Pardon me? As Mr. Shanticlean's assistant, I have to make sure that everything's in order

and that everything's on the up-and-up. What is your name? See, she's serious right now. Well, she was more of a work-release program. I'd probably bring her on and then back on to the team. I actually get my own tax benefits. Well, as far as I can, I'll argue with that. I do a bit of philanthropy and charity work in my time to.

My name, young lady, is Louie Ladeau. And is... And is... And is there a Mrs. Ladoo? And is there a Mrs. Ladoo? No, I'm afraid there is not, young lady. And about how long would you say you've owned this establishment? All the tax bonuses.

This is very important. I've owned this river boat for nine on 30 years. Write up the rest of these questions, and I'll get those to you first thing in the morning. And I will still need a copy of the floor plan with all entrances and exits and secret rooms and such. Oh yeah, that's really important. We have to know about the number of square footage in the commercial business. That's right. It's really important.

Potential air ducts for, you know, targets to sneak in and out. Now you're all questioning my ride off. I'm questioning nothing, sir. I just need the floor plan. It's every procedure by decree, as you must understand. And they all fucking decreed. There are a lot of changes, a lot of casino, both environmental impact regulations that have been put in place. 25.

Oh, way. Environmental impact regulation, inspection. We're improving community programs. I got like four more of these. I've been very quiet. That's funny how that happens. Well, Doug. There's always something.

I'm sure there'll be a new decree on tomorrow, and then they'll want to suck even more blood from me. Take you. He walks over to another cabinet, he opens up. I think it's around here. Ah, here it is, I assure you that all of this, every square foot of this riverboat is 100% a ride-off. You understand, girl. Okay.

Don't take my word for it. You understand. I will. Thank you. Y'all have a good night. Good night, sir. Good night, Mr. Lidoo. Close the door behind you.

Get to the room, get to the room right now. Oh, my God. I'll say, are we in the room? Are we, did you leave us? Homeway, right? He's jettisoned. He said it would take an hour for your rooms, be ready, and someone would find you.

And the book is still in his office. No, we have. I think he's giving you the book. I just can't take it off the boat. Right, I just wanted to make sure that was what I understood. And I have the, like, the floor plan. Yeah, okay. You see a very burly fox, like, just right down the stairs

from the office. They're keeping their eyes on here. Yeah. Oh. Perhaps we should enjoy the floor while we wait for our rooms. You see a hawk looking at you. Oh. I say, I say, Let's see, I think that's a fine idea.

Why don't we enjoy it? Let Vitsy, may as head of security for Mr. Chanticleer review the provided documentation? You certainly may, Mr. Grimmy. To make sure all entrances are covered and regulated, of course. I look at it, and based on this floor plan, can I see where the vault, like, where his, It's either a vault on board, or is there anything that would make it obvious of, like, secret passageways or the back of the house?

I'm just looking for points of interest that might catch my eye. I will say you will need to take your the evening to review it, to really scour it. You look at it, and it's all just blue and lines. Right. And so trying to make sense of it, you'll need to take the evening to, it looks like there might not be, but you need to take time. Ah, yes. very eco-friendly. Silver.

Silver rated. I mean, terribly eco-rated. Copper rating. Oh, and oh no, it's my mother-in-law. Wins the race. Weird names. Oh, God. Let's go down and have a drink at one of the gambling tables, and we can talk more about the regulations

to fund special safety measures against alien threat. Oh. I forgot that was one of our goals of the... Yes, exactly, right. That's a very pleasant idea. Great, I'll lead the way. You see your friends standing down the stairs.

I don't know where Peggy is. That's true. You guys would easily just see me playing the piano. I'm just I'm looking around I'm not like you tell that it's not requiring a lot of effort not a lot of thought is I'm just kind of you can see that I look kind of sad I like they're like in a drink like yeah I'm vamp in I'm just trying to set the mood I was waiting for flim flam never heard it and so I was just you know I'm just keep my wits about me as I can see that I'm playing them and I spot you guys up like oh oh don't look don't look don't look don't we don't know him we don't know him we don't know him we don't know him we don't know him we don't know him probably do that I'm like what the hell Laptcha, stop, Booker stop, stop. We don't know you, Booker, stop.

Ah, what a day, and then I'll just like put my head down and keep playing. You're actually weird, man. You're acting weird. No. You're real different. I say, well, we get it together. I was shaking like a leaf on a tree up there.

And then you just came online. Something came over you? You were incredible in there. Where's the parlor traders that came up with this plan? Well, I haven't had the drugs yet. I've been looking all over for them. Here, get you, get you. Give me a drink.

A drink arrives. Thanks. Sorry, I don't have any money for a tear. That'll be you have to be good enough for now, all right? Well, I got us the plan, didn't I, the floor plan? Yeah, that was good. That was real good. You need to stack up a bunch of regulations so that his taxes go up, so that we can take the money.

Well, the plan is to inform him that his books were, in fact, up to code a week ago. I say, I say, and then suddenly... New regulations were rolled out, and as it were, in fact, now he owes 500,000 plans to the government. Now he thinks it's going to take 40 hours. He's going to be able to check on our identities. And what if John Luke walks in this riverboat? Well, we shouldn't, we should, every hour that goes by, this becomes way riskier. Well, we cannot say we can do it faster than 40 hours. I was just trying to go with a plan on that time. That's all we had it there. I didn't expect him to give us a hotel room.

I was trying to kind of intimidate him. We got to make it last enough time that it seems reasonable, but not so much time that we get caught. It's like a game of chicken, John Lee. I mean, that's quite insightful, but, too. I think you hit it right there on my head. I just wanted to make the chicken puns. Look, when I was a soldier for the Marquis art,

there was all this propaganda about how insane the eerie was with their regulations and taxes, and it would change all the time. So I figure if we make up a bunch of stuff, and we're like, oh, based on all these new regulations that just passed, you actually owe us 500,000 clams. But if you pay us... Do we know that...

I don't know if you passed that part of the... If you pay us 15,000 clams, then we'll just turn a blind eye. Hey, we were supposed to winkle it. So like 20 will probably be enough. No problem. There's no way you lost, there's no way. Absolutely not.

So get forging. We need to forge as many official documentation regulations as we can. Nick, what about secret underground bunkers? Oh, yeah, exactly right. Gambling addiction prevention. Now gambling addiction prevention, the casinos will get right behind that. Updating technology to stay competitive. I say, you were a great eye.

I got a million. We go on. And we do this. I would say that you enjoy the you enjoy the casino for as long as you like and you hear, tough pill to swallow, wins the race. They're pill bugs, get it?

Soon to be glue. I will say that you will, in order to forge, you will need to take the evening, you will need to take your time in order to do it. I think that you would not want to start forging documents in... On the casino floor at the bar. There's like spilled boots.

Condensation all over. This one's stained now. My regulations, my regulations. The ink is running. Yes, I say, great, great plan, absolutely. I say we spend just another couple moments to the room is ready. We enjoy ourselves down here briefly.

We retire to the accommodations provided by Mr. Ladoo. About like 15 minutes, I would say, before the room's ready, that Jean-Claude slash Luke turns around and you see Peggy full nude just attached to his back. How long she's been there, you're not sure. Ah! Something slimy, something slimy, get it off, man, get it off, man.

Oh, you can see me again? Yeah. I can't see as much as I can feel. Oh, Brian, can you give me my clothes? It's getting cold in here. We didn't pick up your clothes. I think they're still outside the casino. Oh, shit.

I have this extra turtleneck. They smell funny, though. Have you ever opened a plate up? No? Let's give it a shot. Peggy puts it on, and it only goes to, like, her waist. Is it just poo-berry? Yeah.

That's right on. You know, it'll have to do. Well, perfectly decent. Please sit on this casino stool. My arms are a little too long for it. John Claude, what are the odds that Jean-Luc? Oh, Jean-Luc, what are the odds that John Claude walks in here? Do you know if he's much of a gambling type, particularly middle-of-the-night gambling?

I heard that. He's just dead. That's exactly what Jean-Luc would say, who is I? But the only way that that no good rat and bastard brother of mine, Jean-Claude, recently disbarred the disgrace to the family, that he would walk in here as, well, he wouldn't simply. And if he were, too, we'd just go about saying that, well, he's disgusting and I hate him, and he's the worst, and not to trust him because he's a notorious lawyer. What would that look like, though?

I don't know. Should you practice that? Do you want me to pretend like I'm John Claude? Well, it's hard to look at you while you're not wearing vans. And think of my brother, John Claude. It's really an unsettling. Meggy gets up off of the bench and there's a little like, you're marking there where her ass and this.

Oh boy, I have to hold my tongue. Do you want me to pretend to be John Claude? I suppose we... We could role play it right now. I suppose we could role play it. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll have another drink. I say I say.

The cocktail waitresses standing there. Oh, thank you. I don't have any money with him. I just want to be it. He's gone here with it. He glared to me walks away. I say, I say. Well, I say I say.

No, you shut up, you stupid brother of mine. Oh, you motherfucker. I was always mom and dad's favorite. No, you weren't. You're right back. That's why I got to go into, that's why I got to become a lawyer. Well, how's this funny that you know that you're a lawyer?

Well, yes, you dumb bastard. You're stumbling over your words because you're stupid. You are always the ugliest one of the two of them. I say, I say you were looking into a man. You remember when you were born and you were partially bold, I do.

Yeah, then head horse came in with no feathers on it. Took you three years to grow them all in and you know what? They've always been thin. You know, as much as you are no good. Like your morals. Run! Like your morals! Bastard!

Of a lawyerin, or who the hell knows what you're doing, because you're good at nothing. There's some things you, you're, things you just don't reveal. And a man's hair upon his birth is one of those things. What are you doing in this place? Avoiding you and I can see. What am I in my clawed to John?

We've been role playing wrong. We should role play as if Jean Luke also walks in. So pretend like what are you doing? I'm John Luke. You're both John Luke. We have to practice this. Oh, okay. That's smart.

Everything, everything, that's a scenario. Everything I said still stand. John Claude, what are you doing here? I say I say, I say. I say, I'll say. You know good two time in flim, flam, and garbage-eaten, piece of shit, low life and lawyer, motherfucker.

I assume you hear flim flimps. I hear flim flam. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've been drinking. I've been drinking, but I hear fun flam. And it's not a word that I hear, and I hear it's an impeccable, John Luke impression. The drinks have been flowed because they're half off.

Since the incident with the Owlin John experience. A rabbit cock show waitress, she comes over and she touches your shoulder and like, you're really good. So I take another drink, I take a deep swing, and I summon the most soulful song that I can from the depths of my soul

from having just a horrific evening and hoping that my friends can salvage this. And just as you said, the beautiful intro to Piano Man begins to play. Oh, God, this is going to be tough to get through. I'm going to try out of, uh. It's nine o'clock on the equivalent of a Saturday, and a toad's shambling in a throng.

There's an old squirrel sitting next to me, just jorke in and spanking his hug. And it's a little bit more, and they start to go a while more. That would have been a great discussion. He says, Can you play me a memory? I'm too drunk to know how it goes. But it's horny and neat,

and it sounds like slapping meat when I'm wearing some other dude's clothes. Oh, la-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I break down the piano intro. And I see that the people are gathering around the piano as we start to reach the chorus. Sing us a song, you're the pervert man. So wrote us a song, keep it tight.

Because we're all in the mood for an orogy And you've got a stroke in all night And the song goes on for like 12 minutes As I play the whole thing And I'm just trying to bring There's a tear in my eye As I try to bring the house down And by the end we're all singing and toasting

And drinking to just the sadness that is life That was spectacular I didn't even know we could play the piano The whole performance at the advantage. I think this is a distraction. We should- He did it too early. We have to capitalize on this.

What how? I don't know. Is there like a, somewhere we can sneak around? You have a fucking bad? Wait, so are we not gonna finish our rope? It's covered and spilled liquor now. Oh, what? I want to see if there's any, like, back room hallway

that we could slip into all this is happening. And in that moment, John Luke walks in the door. I got a 21. 21. The entire house comes down. Everyone has stopped. They're like, Alton John experience guy fucking sucked.

You can call me Furry Joel. Because I take my hat off and I bow. I'll be accepting drinks all night. Play Freeberg! I'll see what I can do. And I play a song that is nothing. This is nothing like Freeman. to make something up on the spot.

And I continue to just kind of play, and at this point, I'm mingling with the people and trying to be a distraction because I thought I heard the code work. Yeah, absolutely. Booker, let me get quick intelligence check of disadvantage. Oh, boy. Oh, not Booker. Sorry. Oh, thank you. You're doing great.

Yep. I'm twisting five times. Oh, my God. Actually, pretty good. Natural 20 and it's 12. Whoa. Okay. And plus five twists, seven. I think my int bonus is one. So is that 19? 18.

18. 18. 18. 18. You, 18. You find a subtle passage into the heart of the hungry catfish that is where the VIPs come in to perform. It's not too far from where Booker is. That basically leads to the bowels of the hungry catfish.

almost like an underground and in the walls hallway system that leads to the grand stage on a different level of this riverboat. And you feel like there are several entrances that are very subtle and you don't see the doors immediately, but you presume our separate doors. Or so you could pass the doors. Go, go, go now, go, go, go, go!

And I start hustling through the door, but I have no plan. But I, you know, Grumley wants to take advantage of this, this distractory. section. Okay. We're on minute two of the song. If we can get away with that. Okay. Make a... So who's going with you? I'll meet. I would just listen. Like I'm the following, yeah, we're on from the moment. You book, uh, uh, uh, Grumley is leading you as Booker is going absolutely nuts as, uh, they're throwing, uh, coins at him. They're throwing underwear at him. He's going. bananas. Men's underwear.

And all of the above. I take it all. I take it all. Underware. It's just a demon. Behind a plant that Peggy was hiding in and a curtain. You find a the secret doorway

that's very subtle but all you have to do is press in and slide and you go in. I will press it open and I'll say bitchy you go first. If anyone sees us you'll be holding a clipboard. They think We're supposed to be there. You're doing it, Paul. You're believing. And I run and I went through.

And I'll walk very kind of officially. Yeah. You do that. Bitsy's now- Government business. Government business. It's extremely dark as it closed behind you. All of the noise and Booker's music and all of that is drowned out.

And it's incredibly dark. And it's almost labyrinthian, this network of tunnels and hallways. Bitsy, I need to make an intelligence check a disadvantage to see if you can lead everyone. Okay. An intelligence check, a disadvantage? Yes. Can I help lead with and to counter it out? Yeah, we counter it out.

Yeah, yeah. Since I have the map. I'll have to roll again. I'll roll this tiny one. While you guys are rolling, you hear from the front of the house from the piano, a Uptown squirrel, she's been living in a white oak world. I bet she's never seen a muck bed guy. I bet her mama never told her why I'm going to try.

And I just keep going. Woo! You want to eat shit. I give 16. 16. You actually look with, you look at the schematics. And it looks to be the super secret

VIP area that you're headed to. As it seems to be like a VIP lounge. And there's actually an unmarked chamber beneath the VIP green room. Is that where you're heading? If I'm being told that there's an unmarked secret underground anything. It looks very secret. Let's go there.

I love secrets. Follow me. Oh! It's dark in here. Shit. And I start to scurry down the hallways, listening to Grumley's lefts, right, down, screws. And we continue to make our way towards...

Is it actually dark in here? It's very dark. I'm going to go ahead and cast a spell. Oh! And I'm going to cause some light, and I'm going to take out three candles, and I'm going to light them on fire and put them. fire and put them on the brim of my hat. Nice. Do you like the way they dance?

Wow. And magical dancing lights. Wow. How did you like those? With magic. Whoa. I'll say, what are we doing down here? You, Bitty and Grumly lead you, as you see the green room, that

it's all very dark and except for Peggy's candles flickering and you see that there is plush furniture. Here definitely are the remnants of the drugs that you've been looking for. As you see that the, you find the schematic, and it's very, very, very subtle, that you actually have to move a painting off the wall, a full body painting that is above a mirror. And you move it aside and you open it and you take the stairs down. It's incredibly dark.

As you close the door behind you, as you make your way down, you see this faintly. light down at the end of the staircase. As you hear, very faintly, sounds like there's voices. Be real quiet. I'm just going to, I'm going to sneak ahead and see what's going on. Okay, okay. I hope you're okay. I'll stay right here.

Be very quiet. Hold on. Hold on. Make a stealth check, grumly, at his advantage. I'm twisting. Bitsy, you two. 13. 13.

13. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That was a 9? That was a 9. Sorry, 16.

Oh. Wow. What are you? I'm a monk. I love that show. It's a jungle out there. It really is. That's very funny.

You. You creep down and you see the flickering light glowing, the strange color, as you suddenly, you peer down and you're very sneaky. And you don't even, the floor does not creak until you finally make your landing. You peer into the room and what you expect, what you expect to see is not at all what you see. You see a circle of hooded figures with candles black as night, lit. and flickering all around the statue, all around this, a dark statue

of a horrific fish-like abomination. As you hear, Fungui, Mugla, knight here, royale, and that's roll out of the session. Hey! No way. Oh, my God. Holy shit.

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