Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | S3E1 | Leap of Faith

Episode Date: July 12, 2026

🚀Neon Odyssey, our Space Opera trilogy for D&D 5.5e, is the biggest TTRPG crowdfunding campaign of all time! Pre-Order Now and get limited-time box exclusives: https://NeonRPG.com 🎃Terrify your friends in D&D with *The Crooked Moon,* our 632-page Folk Horror tome for 5E: https://thecrookedmoon.com   🌎Join our *Patreon* to get thousands of hours of content including Avantris & Chill, unedited campaigns, a weekly game stream, 4 exclusive campaigns, monthly movie nights, and much more: https://avantris.com/patreon 👕 Get awesome, beautiful, or hilarious *merch* of your favorite characters including Chuckles, Bitsy, Torbek, and more at the Avantris shop: https://avantris.com/shop 👾Join the Avantris community on *Discord* to chat about your favorite campaigns: https://avantris.com/discord 🔴Watch us play D&D LIVE every week on *Twitch:* https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris 🔗 *All other links:* https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/82T6olfLeus

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Booker and you're listening to Uprooted. Last time, just kidding. Yes. On Uprooted. You had decided to put on a play at Muckbed Creek. Oh, yeah. Holy shit.

It was going to be propaganda in order to sow sentiment for the Woodland Alliance. Except you decided to put Nestor. as the safety inspector. And so many lives were lost. As the theater collapsed on itself, which is run by child labor. I may remind you. That's right.

But their license limped over. That's right. As the theater collapsed, so many lives were lost. A horrible riot throughout Muckback Creek happened where all of the nobles were risen up against their men. mansions were stormed, they were lit on fire.

Many perverts were smoked out of their hiding holes. As a great wave that some said was the work of the strange Eldridge's late day and night here came and rushed and put it out. As you all made a daring escape, as you know the remnants of the Woodland Alliance, ran and retreated south to the clearing known. a sticker brush, but you had been wise enough to commission a catamaran boat, that actually happened.

That was finished, used to me, and dot. And you were able to sail south towards, that was in Wartwalla, you're able to say the sail south to Muckbed Creek, which was Erie Territory, although it was heavy presence of the river folk company. As you made your, voyage across the huge lake, you realize there was a stowaway. It was Nestor himself,

who had been the leader of the rebellion for a very brief time and then was completely discarded. He was drunk and distraught after finding purpose and having it ripped away from him. And you resolved to maybe try to work together and figure something out. You decided to just dock right at at, right at Mountbed Creek, and some eerie guards came up. You made no attempts to hide on the next to her with the leader of their rebellion.

That's right. As soon as you were questioned, Booker tried to sneak up on a guard and fell to snap his back. That was my favorite. That's what my favorite thing is ever had. In the meantime, you had learned that in the cabin, in the blow deck that you had not even realized was there,

were a whole lot of perverts from Hollywood. That had skittered out at some point. And so you were all arrested. While you were in prison, you were given a public defender. You were awaiting trial of Judge Hootie de Blofitt or some shit. Judge Hootie was the magistrate. And you were given a public defender, Jean-Claude shot to Claire, as you were surveilled by a bat,

a synographer, who was keeping track of everything. I love that, that. And then, a rooster burst in who looked exactly like your lawyer, John Claw. But it turned out that John Claw was not John Claw. It was actually his diabolical accountant to him for John Lewis. Wait, what?

Very confusing. What? I didn't know that. It was very confusing. And he chased him out, and it was very unclear if John Claw had actually represented. But he swore

to get you off. That he didn't. He did you off. Through some shenanigans, he managed to trick. Scott Free. Yeah, his brother, Scott Free. He managed to get all of you on bail.

And you knew that this wouldn't stand. You knew that Nestor was in a very high security, like, Turbo Prison. It was scheduled to be exigestion. as a traitor to the Erie. And you decided to not deal with that story.

Wow. Wow. Who just left him, didn't we? But Jean-Claude, you needed a place to stay, so Jean-Claude was going to take you to a soggy duplex. He was like flooded. And it was horribly flooded. It was terribly flooded.

And it was repossessed by the bank. and the better brobank, if you must know, and that he received a letter that he had been disbarred from the American slashball legal legal authority. It changed multiple times. Uh-huh, uh-huh. So in order to wallow in your misery, you decided to go to the Foxhole Gentleman's Club.

And they're... You found your dear old dad. Booker's dear old dad, Beauregardtie raccoon, and you learned that he was doing very well. He's still living in that same apartment that Booker remembered, but he's deeply in debt to the Rerfoe Company due to his gambling debts. I think there were some glory holes

in the big sloping to Burkettling. I said. And you decided to try to work with the Rerfo company and the goons that were there Mr. Staschio and Mr. Piss

were the goons. They were bodyguards, right? They were bodyguards. Yeah, yeah. There's Jean-Luc's bodyguards. And Jean-Luc. You found out that John Luke was there. He threw himself in with them for protection. Yeah, exactly. He was doing the accounting. That he was there at the gentleman's club.

And you manage to get, I believe, a loan from them in order to a loan in order to help him out. And then give it to Beauregard to pay it back, but instead he did what all degenerate gamblers do and he gambled it away. And the hungry catfish, a casino run by Louis Lidoo,

you did a whole... Bidzie tried to double the number of ice to it. Yeah, you guys are the heist. Yeah, we had a heist. I'm so excited about the heist. Jean-Claw is dressed up as his brother, Jean-Luc. He's shit in a drawer or something.

Yeah, in his desk. In his desk. Pretending to be auditors, where you heard the beautiful tunes of Alton John on the piano. Booker won some money. And while the three of you were going into Mr. Ladeu's office

to try to find the papers or something, I don't remember. Booker stumbled into the strange Italian restaurant inside the casino

where the dawn after giving you a performance of a lifetime. Exactly right. Exactly right. Of the dawn was sitting and eating and realized that he was in

the cult tonight here. I was lured back there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, by a strange, mysterious force. I don't even remember what was. You guys found the McGuffin you needed in the office. You shit into his drawer, and then you went into the bowels of the casino.

You got some fucked up deviled eggs. You heard the... That's right. You heard the... Alton John got sacrificed the night here. But then there was something there. Oh, it was the bowling alley. bowling out of him.

I'm being sacrificing night here right now. That is so funny. Oh, my God. And you had a, and then after that, you had a nice dinner

with the Don, all of you managed to meet up. He wanted to induct you. And then you all stopped in the pot of Italian, an Italian restaurant. And he said that Quasimodo had predicted your arrival. He inducted you on to some level

of the night here cult. It was very unclear how it worked. And he said that he would basically help you out and clear all your debts if all you would be were some grifters that would murder the magistrate who'd eat to bullfush or something. In this very wonderful plot

that they could have been very thrilling and political. And as you guys laughed, you said, absolutely we'll do that. And then you said, fuck that. I just want to go on record as saying, for that plot point, the previous week, I was totally ready to play the reins of Castamir, before we assassinated that guy out of banjo.

And it just was worthless. I learned how to play it for no reason. But we voted on it. You voted on it? Yeah. Oh, the voting scene. We voted on it. That was not the first time we voted on something.

No, it was not. No, but that scene was fucking out of it. We voted like five times. It was the exact same breakdown every time. You're really good at voting. Yeah. Yeah. So you voted to leave.

You took Beauregard with you. You faked your own death. To do. Very good. Dupiest Oh, it was immediately overturned. The moment we did it.

Oh, my God. Pendleton, the cobbler. Oh, my God. Saw you guys die or something. I thought you were dead. Thank goodness you're right here in front of me. Oh, by the way, Diss and D's died

in a horrible beast to be ex. She was all going to be able to. No, what? No. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So Peanot came to Hayes on so that grandma not was not dead. It was dissent decent. He's not going to die. Did he was there really, was it really a base jumping? It was a piece jumping. It was a big. It's kidding.

Face jumping. He was walking along and they got hit by two base jumpers. On any wrist. They didn't get on any ribs. They never did anything excited. Oh my God. Uh, Boregardin decided to tell some spooky stories about the famous crimjade of the woods, the Oslo.

Oh, he didn't believe in Giardia. Yeah. And he's dead set on eating that dicking neck. Boergaard got Giac out of hell. You're going to dig your own hole. Guy already out. And was shooting himself as the Ocelot attacked. It was this strange,

strange, enormous simeon with a bunch of strange, a huge centipede swarming, and you ran, you scattered, you lost track of Beauregard as he was off shooting himself in the woods. Tonight on when Ocelot's attack. And you, because, of Grumley's terrible decisions and he doubled into a routine

and you crashed underground. I did. And so you all followed him and you discovered this strange network of caverns where the campaign really just took a left turn. It was never the same after that. Once Grumley took that's, Bill. We were like, uh-oh.

Well, we were presented with several choices of direction we could go too. And we picked several, several, catholics. Halfways in the caverns. This is what happens when Mikey sees Nosferatu. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. What's gonna happen when he sees Nosferra 3?

I can't imagine. After reconvening, you discovered two travelers. Grandal, Storm Crow, and Master Gerbil. Bitsy kills them in cold blood and steals the one ring. The one ring! She has the one ring! Oh yeah, he got the one ring. You killed those guys from the one ring.

Yeah. Yeah. And you continue on your way. You saw a coach-driven, pulled by wolf spiders, driven by a wolf coachman. He passed you, and then he came on his way back, carrying the corpses of whom Bitsy murdered. He gave you a ride to Castle owned by Count Morlock

at the door in a great stroke of genius and luck. Thank God. Very marketable luck. A hunched rat man-servant named Wygore Answers and welcomes you into Morlock's castle who had been expecting you. You all get settled into your rooms. The bunch of pitch is put into the fire.

As you... The buckets of pitch. He had to keep going downstairs and coming back up for it. Oh, my God. You... What rained? What rained? What rained?

What rained? there? Death rained there. You learned that death rain there and the bells were tolling constantly, the bells told for the dead. And you were going to be had for dinner by Count Morlock, but it was very unclear when the feast would be. And so you decided to explore the castle while you did it. You had spooky dreams. You saw a skeleton named Doug. We met Doug. Wasn't that one of the first, no, did he use Creek for that? I feel like it was the first uses of Creek within this. No, there's the poker.

They were just playing, they were playing poker. They were just playing poker. He came into my room. He thought it was cool. But I was given the room and Doug's like, oh, I usually stay here. And I'm like, oh, you're here to hump? He's like, no, man, I just like, usually I'm in here.

I'm sorry. And I know you're getting to this. You haven't said its name yet. But is Sear cool? Is that like a play on that water drink? Yes. Okay. I just wanted to make sure I was.

Is it just a bottle? It's a water bottle. Yeah. But they also do like, it's like a flavored water program. But it looks like CERCool. Is it actually. pronounce circle? They want you to pronounce its circle, but that's just like,

Sierra cool. It looks like, see it cool, it's going to be apostrophe and everything. No. You, uh, you were told not to enter the forbidden wing of the castle, so you entered the forbidden wing of the castle. You learned that there were some forbidden areas there, including

Count Morelock's Man Cave with his big didy anime figures out of his computer with the RTV keyboard and mouse and his gamer den. You also learned that he had a collectible room dedicated to the cat comedian Renfield, including a Renfield phone, where you had a phone call with the count in the first time. You also encountered the kitchen where Ygor was mixing up Necropolis Igor with the murderment film machine. You then discovered that he used for the corpses of Groskine Filmm machine. Grandolphin Master Jruppel or the Master Shrew to Live Moss and resurrected.

He would also join the Fees. He had like a minor deity Pokemon fight battle. Oh, we're getting to that. Oh, we're getting to that. Along your journeys, you also discovered the dungeon where some fucking Van Helsing knockoff was in prison and shit himself. He just posted that. That just happened.

But he had to do it. No, we were playing two old cats. Yeah, you played two old cats. And then we tried to throw him off his head because he was alive. And he was like, any minute I was going to shit himself. And then he did. Why don't schedule? It's like clockwork.

But before he died, and did you also realize that he was the brotherly is the grandfather of Officer Fuzz? And he was hoping that his grandson was doing well. Wow. Oh, Officer Fug was horrible. Horrible. Gurn boots. Oh, no. I forgot that he was related to Fuzz.

Oh, God. of season one. Wow, what a throwback. That was the beginning of season one. Oh, God. But you learned that Count Juan's weaknesses is that he needs to be in the coffin and buried within the grave dirt. He was first buried in before the cock crows. The player has never picked up on this until I told them what to do. I did.

I did. We haven't seen the film. No, no. In my defense, Ritchie said, do the end of rockadoodle. And I was like, the fuck is the end of rockadoodle. Gone, drunk, bro. Along the way, there were some weird sex dreams. It's unclear Jean-Luc is dead or not and a ghost. But what was very clear was in there.

There was a skeleton, and that it was that Count Morlock wanted Peggy for some reason, and you all played like the Levernd and Shirley Borg game. When it was time for the feast, Peggy cast grease on the stone steps, and Mr. Tuffin's fell in his death He did his film He also He was over for him

Yeah He was given He was fucked Statistically he was cooked Yeah Oh Beggy also ate some Adult Bell cheese wax

She just gave the wax And birthed A wax Smokulculus Surely that won't come back My son Oh God Um, oh my God. He's the key to all this. He's the key to all this. You have the great feasts. All the skeletons are there. The corpses of Grand Dolphin, the Shrew. All of you, well, none yet.

Okay. Not yet. Not yet. It was a lot that happened to us. It was. We haven't even got to the bears yet. I know. We didn't get, we haven't. We haven't. It was. Oh, my God. There's still so much left. Yeah, we have more. We got more to go. Someone said it was a Happy Days board game, but I assume it was a Happy Day's. Joni loves Chagie and Lovina. I think it was multiple, yeah, yeah. Because they're all the same unit? It was the Nick and Night multiverse. Cinematic. All of the food was just the same five ingredients but made different ways.

And there were also Cynotwisters. Oh, yeah. Wylor ate all the Cynetwisters. His PTO was denied. Yeah. And in the process, he not only was his PTO denied, but he had messed up his leg very, badly, something that you had all done, and he called his insurance company. It didn't go well.

It didn't go well with his insurance company. And then as you're sitting there, Jean Claude tried to sell Count Morlock a summer home. And then Count Morlock demanded that John Claude would officiate a wedding with him and Peggy, who would be his bride. And then Jean-Claude recited the entire plot of the film Rocket Doodle. And when the cockcrowed at the end, McCormorlock died in a terrible fashion. Poor Doug, all the skeletons, all the undead also were completely annihilated. And why Gore was excited? Because wait a minute, he has his philactory. As long as it has been tainted by mortal hands. I'm sure he'll be fine. But his philactory was the Redfield phone. And you guys

had called him on it. So he was officially annihilated. But then the castle started shaking. And Seer Kool arose from the depths, the horrible demon that was the power source of all of this, their master. Seerkul rose from below. And you had to figure out how to do it. So how are you going, you already, the old cat, it was dead. So you did the, there's no library,

or maybe there was a library, but you guys decided to use the internet. So Bookergan, to be a battle, and went to Quaka.com. We had an epic battle for playing with Quaka. Wow. You had to keep putting in quarters.

And needed to know that the only solution was of a cool, cool, demon kaiju battle to summon Knight Here. They went and summoned Knight Here with that. Out of a bucket of water. And Knight here devoured Seer Cool and returned to the depths. And all was well, except seemingly the destruction of Seer Cool. Apparently something about Seer Cool was keeping the Weigorate, or the Plague Father, whatever weird shit that was.

and... As he's been going on, still serving you, unsure of who owns the castle now, Grumley had strange dreams of hunting with the coachman and learned that he'd taken a vow of silence until he found a peck that could finally avenge his family and you'd learned of the next true threat,

the Shartanstein Bears. Bears, what love shooting. Then it was a great war of something Derek made up a whole plot. They wrote a model. They wrote a fucking non-at-vice. The prophecy of a zorption. I didn't like different names for different tribes.

It was like the streak. There was the streak wars. The crimson streak. Yeah. The prophecy of the crimson streak. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's awful.

And you learned that his name was Godfrey Silver Pine and so you had to be, you had to prepare to deface the Chartenstein bears or else the underground would be, I don't know, something bad would happen. And so you went on Fetch Quest and we had a whole episode referencing

World of Warcraft that people didn't really care for. You have to know it was awesome. If we ever had like an episode rating chart, that would be in the red. Yeah. It would be like bright green. Yeah, yeah. It's like that IMDB chart. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And it just shows it's all green.

People didn't like that one? No, they didn't care for that. No. That's very funny. After turning in, I believe it was like 30 pristine venom sacks, you all leveled up, and you all sued after your fetch quests, and you found it that Wagore, like, has risen Mr. Tumbus is a night creature. You don't even know what that is. He's whispering about plague and like the plague father or something like that, or the incoming, the incoming change. It's weird shit. But you have bigger fish to fry. As the castle slowly

becomes more hive-like as flies and horrible grotesque pestilence kind of starts to spread through the underground. You then all suit up as Simon Belmont, Dracula from the movie, Boing Chan, Cavalcantan, and Von Garstein. It's a Belmont Garstine from Warhammer Fantasy. And you go with Godfrey Silver Pine and you find a quaint little village. And it's charming and it's delightful. And you open the door and you find Beauregardtty raccoon. He had been taken in by the shirt and stained bears because he was shitting himself when they thought that was pretty cool. They liked that. One of us,

one of us. And so you convinced him that you had to leave as suddenly the glamour dropped this place became grotesque as the shart and stained bears returned, but they were all fused together

into this horrible, perhaps by the magic of Wigor himself, as a minion of pestilence. And you had a cool fucking boss fight, and we had to learn how to use character sheets again. I had a pli-n-l-rigger. Oh, I remember that.

Yeah. And you slayed the shart and stained bears. Finally, Lord Silver Pines family was avenged. He wandered off alone, perhaps never to be seen again, probably never to be seen again. And you had Beauregard. You're all back together. You knew that you needed to get to Potsville. And you decided to get out of the underground. There was a different tunnel that you take that didn't go back to the castle. And you It was where the moles had come from that you had accidentally murdered or actually deliberately murdered in cold blood when you were questing. And you found a whole group of moles,

an army of moles, but they were strange, and then you realized they were covered in pestilent boils, and they all stared at you with open eyes as they all spoke with Wygore's voice in unison that plague reigns here and that the next part of Wygore's quest would be to resurrect the blazing heart and bring about the writer of war.

Any questions? Beautiful recap. Well done, Mike. Thank you for the music for every next. And that's it, everybody. You started by saying that we were back with Nestor. I was like, oh my God, that's four years ago. That felt to me like it was four years ago.

And then it's crazy. When you started, I was like, man, I was on some different stuff. Like, I don't remember any of this. And now I was like, oh, shit, I didn't be like. I think you're right at me because. that happened right around the time the three of us watched Black Swan. That's very funny. That's very funny.

One thing that we miss, and I think is very important, is that Booker sacrificed his banjo in the name of Nighthere. I lost the banjo right after we met you, because you pulled it out of the evidence locker, and it was so damaged and irrecoverable. It smelled like pencil. That I, it's like... It smelled like...

I threw it into the river, and I swore vengeance against Jean-Luc. Did you get another instrument back? No. No, you have no other instrument. I kept looking, but I... Got it. We left civilization. He's just got his flute.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yeah. They don't make banjos on the ground. I have no instrument. I have no interest. Oh. So sad. So, John Claude was wielding the power of literal God. And speaking to, as it was going on,

it was becoming more and more subtle that it might actually be the ghost of his brother, Jean-Luc, pretending to be literal God. It was very unclear. Yeah, yeah. Any other questions? Oh, that was funny. We have some good times.

No, I don't think I have any questions. I have one question. Is this the final season of Uprooted? Yes. Oh, fantastic. That answers my question. Thank you, Mike. What does that mean?

It means we're going to start playing right now. Yes. I got 18. Very exciting. Oh, that's pretty good. Wigar's voice echoes to the subterranean cavern. As you see the pestilent, rotting, dead, undead, very ill, it's hard to tell. This legion of morals, what was, you had believed, was an outpost or a city or at least a camp of the great underground duchy, seemingly entirely consumed by plague.

Plague reigns here. and it's just the six of you, and them, as they stand at you with empty, greenish eyes, their mouths agape, what do you do? Was that Wygore? Do you think that was Wygore? I'll say, do he just speak through all of them at once? Yeah, that's why I'm asking,

it doesn't seem anything like Wygore. I don't remember him being a mob of moles. Oh, you can't recognize my voice. I thought we were closer than that. It sounds different when it's coming out a bunch of mole throats. It's horribly confident material

as all of the mole throats. I'll say, how are you doing that? How are you speaking through all these moles and who's the writer of war? Hold on. I'll say, Benjamin, you ask him. Yeah, what he said? Wait, what?

I'll say, who's the rider of war and how are you speaking through all of these? I thought I very dramatically in season finale, Yigley. I told you what it was. But you didn't like recap that part in character, so we're just trying to

like piece together exactly the words you said. That would be helpful. Ah, blazing hard or something. The ride of war. Can you tell that dagle, chicken shut up? I hate his fucking words. I'll say, I'll say,

I'll say, fuck you, borgas. It's okay. It's a popular little pigeon. I forgive me, forgive me. Sometimes I forget myself. After achieving such unfathomable power, after all. I forget my place. Why, I go forgets his place sometimes. Ah, yes, but I hear the power, the buzzing, the buzzing, the droning, the troaning, the troting of the end.

Oh, yes, the great comets the bleating star that heralds its arrival. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Ah, certainly to come. Yeah, that sounds really exhausting. You got that margarita-ville machine there with, yeah, by chance. Could you, like, send some of the delicious drink down with these moles? Is that you, Weigor? They always look at you. I got a minor problem, but I don't like how confident Wygoyer's sounding. He's not quite the

bumbling, you know, servant person that he was before. He's talking about unfathomable untold power. He's speaking through the minds of other creatures. We might be in some serious trouble here. I'll say he's referencing another master, but Count Morlock exploded when I've recited all of rock-a-boodle. And what happened to his rat body if he's inside of all these moles?

I don't know. This is one of many questions. Yeah, what happened to that Margaritaville machine? And how do we know that this is actually Y-Gore and they're not all just simultaneously doing a Y-Gore impression? That was my question, is that Y-Gore? Like a talent show. Wait, just ask him what brains. Well, not you because he hates your boys. Oh, yeah. No, you're just a chicken man. Yeah, yeah. Can you ask him what rains here and see what do you have to say? Rains is in like, rains are like, Rains and like,

Rains are like, Rains, and like, Rains is asking for something, only Wai-Gor would love. Oh, Rains. You know, what are you always, you would tell us? They're like three different rains. Just pick one. And who?

More throated, Wigorpe, Pipples. What rains here? But with like, can you answer that three times in the three different contexts? Deadly, more confusing.

The one in front, and one of the boys, bursts and a horrible green iCore runs down a puss runs down his face don't do the tongue thing Michael don't don't don't do the top of Michael I'm Michael he's gonna do it he's gonna do it oh oh oh oh no yeah I got some cream for that but I need my answer to my question for my friends we're this is all very confusing all right I'm back I'm back I had to grab myself of refreshing beverage but I pulsed too much, and now the ice is all water.

And you see now all of the moles raise their arms as if they're holding some sort of drink receptacle. Oh, that's definitely Wigel. He's gotten way faster making those margaritas, too. That is concerning. Yeah, that is faster. He's like competent now. I'll say he's not even had a lot of time to practice,

and yet margaritas abound. Wago, can you hear us now? Oh, that is refreshing. All of the amazing. their hands. You hear slurping from it. Empty hands. Empty hands.

You hear the slurping of countless moles all around you. Mr. Weigel, can you hear me? This is Grumley, Grumly Teapug. Ah, yes, yes. You were the one that took the greatest of the armor of and that you earned by cursing God himself. Oh, when I became a sworn hecknought.

Heck no. Yes, cursed to be damned for all time and even in the afterlife. That was all just like, just like jokes though, right? Like, I'm not actually being cursed for all time. Well, there's one way to know, to be sure. Did you say in the game, of course, after you said it? I didn't know I was supposed to say that. You always had to say in the game of course. You're always supposed to say in the game, of course.

Bad news, grubly. I was supposed to say in the game. Ah, you just curse literal God, and I have to say he didn't like it very much. Does that mean my immortal soul is damned for all time? No, I think there's a statute of limitations. If you say in the game right now, I think it'll be alright. Oh, in the game, of course, literal God. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.

Oh, boy. I was overtaken by the ghost of Gary Oldman. What is literal God said? Is he saying? I'll say, I say, literal God, are you still there above me? Watching, directing the actions of my talent hands. hands. Do you drive me forward? Do you see upon this heck night down here? And with his casting of in the game, of course, is his soul forever eternally saved? He's also an attorney,

so, you know, he knows all about statutes of limitations. I say, I'm also an attorney. The statues and limitations on cursing literal God may have expired. This is a different sect of the law that I'm normally accustomed to, literal God. Oh, now he tears about his immortal soul. Can you respond? That would have been nice to hear a couple days ago or whatever. I'll say, I'll say, Brumley,

my answer is as of yet unclear. So we're not cool, like me, little, a guard. Well, you know, there's a bit of a too little too late kind of this situation going on here. But let me see, literal God, oh, you're there? Okay, I'll take that as a yes. I work in mysterious ways, my son.

I'll say, I'll say. And I will be beside you as long as it is still funny and convenient to the plot. I say, I think you might be here for some time. Grumby, I figure, whoa, hang on. I mean, I'm really focused on grumly, so you want me to do anything about the pestilent death that's falling upon these town folk,

would you like me to call the area ahead in your name, literal God? Oh, you mean you attempt to stop the coming of the end and to stop the end times that are truly here? I'll say, I'll say if that's what's upon us. Absolutely, in your name, of course.

Should you wish it, I will be, your works, my end. Man, I hate getting half a conversation. I want to know what's going on. Little guard just said like the world's not ending or anything, right? Like that's all just a hang on. Oh, hang on. Oh, we're working through.

I'm just getting anxious about this sort of thing. But did you ever worry that there's nobody on the end of the end of that conversation? And how more times than you could possibly imagine? Greg, do you like 20 more in the game just in case? Hey? In the game of course. In the game of course. I think you know that I mean, I could add a little to you.

In the game, of course. You are so much trouble. For 30 minutes. End the game, of course. I think I, you got interrupted. I'll say, I say God, literal God. To divert disaster in the end times, should I call this town of moles what stands in front of us?

Blasphemers in the face of your true power. You can do that? That's a lot of moles. I mean, that's a lot of more. I don't know, I don't know, you know, you know, it isn't seen that makes me think maybe I can. I was certainly encountered on the abjewment of your, you tell me, you know, power.

They just insist in the culling of Mobile. But I, like, if you think I can't do it, I'm not, I'm not, I'm gonna do it. Did you just say that literal God was und sore of himself? I say, I say, Booker, there's just a question of whether, or not, we should call these mofocus ahead of us to divert the end time, the end of everything, and the pestilent... And the pestilent cloud that's fallen upon this here town ahead of us.

I do not like the insinuation that literal God is unsure of what's happening in the doubt in literal God. I say, Booker, he works a mysterious way. Yeah, tell them the to tell them, my dog, you're going to get good, you did. Oh, we are so fucked. I think what's gonna happen is we have to act. We have to act with confidence, and then just his will will guide our hands. Yes, my child, John Claude.

I help those who help themselves. Oh, I say, I say it wouldn't empower in a good line. We have to help ourselves, everybody. If we help ourselves move forward, then literal God will help us. I think we can do it. I mean, it's only 100 moles. We got like 30 pristine venom sacks. I still have my like,

repeating Van Helsing Crossbow, right? Okay. Wait, do I still have my full red face? I think, canonically, yes, you do. I think technically you do. My giant crossbow was like hanging off my back. I still have it, but it's over my back. Do I have the...

Do I still look like Pointehan? Yes, yeah. Your tits are huge. Wait, does that mean it maybe literal god lettuce here? Because Bitsy this whole time has been an herbalist. said so right there on the overlay. Maybe you can mix some herbs

together and heal them. It does? Oh yeah, it does. That's crazy. Grumman, there's no saving them. The only answer is to destroy them all. All right. Yes, you see? Look. Oh, yeah, that's wild. I can't believe right here. All right. John Claude, you said there's about a hundred of them, right? Do you think we can take them?

Well, they don't seem to be doing anything except drinking fake margaritas. and talking in the voice of Wigore in unison. We should be aware that these tunnels are vast and potentially endless, and though we can only see 100 of them. We don't know how many exist deeper into these cabins. Hmm, Peggy's right. We must venture into the caverns to make sure that none survive. You know what we could do?

We could smoke them out. Hmm. That's just good thinking, Peggy. What, can you do that? No problem. A lot of another bag in that, oh, smoke them out. I thought about it. Ah, yes, the weather is here, wish you were beautiful.

Ah, yes, the wife could be a bit prettier, couldn't she? Ah, yes. Relaxation at Island time, ah. When I finally get my PTO, it's going to be great. I'll go to an approximation of the tropics. Ah, yes. Ah, yes. Mr. Weigel

Who will approve your PTO now? Given that Count Morlock is gone. Well, in theory, he probably doesn't need anybody who approve his PTO. It might be a free man now. Wait. Booker. Yeah. Say that again.

Well, I said, I think you might be a free man now. You don't need anyone to validate your PTO. I think you might just be able to do what you want. Maybe it's just to find your own PTO. Alternatively, you might be unemployed, now and so you have no chance at PTO. It depends on your employment contract. Did you read it when you signed it?

My old. Yeah, see, he's getting it. I mean, there's really no more PTO than being unemployed. That's the most PTO you can ever get. Oh, Wigga, you forgot who you were. What was that? You are not some sniveling mans of it. No, no.

No, you are the plague father. Whose voice is that? You are right, I guess. The what? How could you have forgotten? How foolish? You have a cold? I don't like this.

It's really creepy when it hit. I begin to ready my giant crossbow. But as I pull it off over my shoulder, it's way too heavy for me to hold. The raccoon is right. And so the tip of the crossbow is like dipping and going all over the place. I'm like struggling to hold it.

And I'm like trying to like aim it at the moles and get ready. But it's very hard for me to aim this thing because it's huge. The great king. The chosen king. I don't like what he's saying. John Claude. What's we're going to strike him?

brother. The greatest one cast down. They called him a team and let us remind them that that was true. Oh, yes. I said, I don't know. I mean, you guys asked him out of PTO and set him off. I mean, I think you evolved. I was trying to do something good for the guy. He's been through. You know, who knows how many hundred years of pain. You know, I just try to remind him that he doesn't have to answer to anybody anymore. I mean, to be fair, if that is why, Gore, he sounded pretty hot these days. Guys. I really think unemployment's working for him. While I was doing my in the games, of course, I accidentally cast a team. poison and disease at a first level. And all of those boxes of grain are covered in magical disease and plague.

Oh. Do you mean plague? Oh, sorry, plague. Ah, the seals, the seals, yeah. How could you forget? Enjoying a frozen beverage and listening to charming island rock. How could you be so stupid? Yes, yes. Ah, yes.

We must return. We must find the king. Find the heart. Yes, yes. The second riders need. Ah, yes. Yes, yes. I... Oh, what? I must go. I must away.

Wait, wait, wait, why go? Why must away? Wait, wait. Huh? Are you speaking through the moles? Are you all of the moles right now? He's naked in a bubble bath. Oh, where am I?

Are you naked in a bubble bath? Where am I? The heart of the swarm with the hive in the chrysalis. Where I am, I am at the beginning of the end times. And with that, Sorry, I missed that. What are the balls sneezed? What are the balls sneezed?

What are the balls sneezed? And with that, there is a shift in the, there's a shift. There's almost kind of a rigidness that they had had. All of the moles kind of snaps as all, Wygore's voice echoing from all of the different throats is no longer doing it. As you just hear this horrible, sickening burbling,

as they kind of slump forward or lurch, as they more boils, burst, and leak, as they begin to sort of lurch in your direction. They're coming. I think they're attacking us like animals. No, maybe you offered their help. Maybe you can fix them with your poulticea. the member i accidentally pull the trigger i unleashed like 16 crossbow bolts and i ripped through like

four of the moles i like this thing kicks like a mule a song from literal guns bombs everybody and i just like tear through the first four moles um you do that like a machine gun god and kick on this thing my creams aren't going to help with that i need you to roll a d8 for me oh my god Sorry guys, this guy has a hair trigger. You bolts ravage into seven of these moles, and you see it's almost like popping a balloon. As they almost explode. Growth.

In terrific green Icor, as the strange putrid gas almost fills the chamber. I need everyone to be constantly using saving. Oh, God, I can't control this thing. Are we our... Level six or level six? level six version of ourselves or are we are uh when we were six in the

venom fact transformation versions of ourselves we wore six during the fight I was a no-breaker I don't have that here we'll say three for now okay okay okay okay okay so what is this con saving throw okay I still get a dirty 20 but I want to see now I got 15 15 oh bar bros 12 six The moles hit you, and it's really good. The DC was eight plus however many moles you go.

Wow. That's awesome. So whoever got below a 15, you are coughing and choking. I think we should really just... Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. As you hear of words, as you hear of

as they all kind of like, as this happens though, Booker, I need to make an intimidation check for me. Jesus, accidental intimidation. We can twist this. Yeah, that's very funny. 17 actually. You see, as seven of them are killed, they all kind of like stop.

And they kind of seem to just be standing there looking blankly. There is a potency to the pestilence, but there's also a little. a lethargy. It's slow. It's not these, whether there's zombies are barely alive or sick, whatever it is, it's not like these shrieking, sprinting zombies in modern day films to make them scary. There is this bloated, slow, perhaps but a relentless crawling of plague. So they don't seem to be advancing on you quickly, but they do seem to pause based on those crossbow bolts. As you hear a voice, whoa, baby, that's good.

As you see your father, Beauregard, he, you can realize that he had, he's drinking, his teeth are stained blue. And he's holding a, like, what looks like a flagon of horrible fermented toilet wine from the, from the Shartonstain's Bears House. As he is. I recognize that. He's hammer. Ah. Whoa, you're gonna let these guys talk to you like that? Hey, assholes, get out of a fucking way.

I gotta go to some weird cult and I don't know, stop gambling or something. That, shut up, I just killed seven of them. I can't believe they gave me this thing. This thing is way too dangerous. Don't point it to us. Bolt are just flying everywhere. Oh, dungeon master.

Yeah, this lasts for 10 minutes. And it says for the duration, that since the location of poisons, poisonous, or venomous, creatures and magical contagions within 30 feet of myself. Nice. I sense the kind of poison creature or contagion in each case. What do I, what do I glean from? You are overwhelmed.

You are overwhelmed by a magical contagion that is unlike anything you could have ever experienced or dreamed of. I said doing the dog hacking sound. Yeah, you do that. And you feel as it is now coursing within you and Bitsy and Peggy, I believe, correct? Did all these... It was just... It was just Peggy and Grumway.

Just two of them. Oh, God. A boy can't explode like that now. We can't stay here. We get shot by Booker. Yeah, we got to move, and I might be more dangerous than these moles. One of the shots actually goes straight towards Bidsey's head,

and you should... You have to be careful with that thing. I can't. You have to be careful with that thing. I am just trying to, like... I can barely hold this ballista of a... of repeating crossbow, as I'm waiting to follow the literal god warrior, John Claude, into combat, hoping for some sort of sign from literal god. Does it seem like it's a terrible idea to rush in and call moleholm?

That's very funny. Is this the calling of moleholm? You look and right actually just past these moles. I'm sorry, you viewers at home. There's a big blue swirling portal and there's a big skull on, a big green portal and there's like a skull on it's a very menacing skull. I say I say you heard him the seals the seven seals this is certainly one of them we can't let this abide we have to we have to end it here or else the end times will rise if this pestilence takes hold and the riders take hoop again or whatever kind of amount he decides of a hoof or you know the hered leg you know tammy clove and clove and The roving hoof, the riders, no.

Seven pots, seven seals. We tear it down here, we set fire to it. So we have to kill all 100 moles, and then we have to kill seven seals? Well, no, I don't think the seals are metaphoric. I think the end times are locked behind it. That seems like a . Oh, no.

Oh, no. Wait, do we like the seals or do we not like the seals? Oh, I think the seals. Hey, you, that smells so vinegory. I smoke a lot of cigarettes when we're not hanging out. Oh, what is that? Hey, you got one right now? Yeah, hold on.

I'm reaching to myself and pull out of a second. Oh, thank you, honey. I'm reaching to myself. You know, why do you never bring your friends around to hang out ever before? They're really cool. They don't tell me to stop smoking. Oh, geez, Dad.

We got on time for this right now. Can't you see we're a little busy? I think he's afraid I'm going to become his next step mom. Oh, gosh. It smells so beautiful. And to be fair, Peggy has a second group of friends that she likes smokes with, and like, you know, they know her as like the smoker and drug user. You know what I mean? She's accidentally using personality A with friend group B.

Yeah, you said it better than I did. Oh, you know, it's okay, Booker. You know, this is looking real grim, son. Yeah, we're in trouble here, buddy. I don't know what to tell you, Dad. You want some toilet wine? No, no, God. No, but I do pass it over.

Okay, here you go. Scrubing bubbles. Yeah! And I just pray out. Are we sure we wouldn't send here by little regard to help them? Bitsy, can you just try to, like, that one like youngster orphan over there?

Can you try to heal them, maybe? All right. Stand still, youngster orphan mole. Otherwise, we're going to have to kill you in seven metaphorical seals. Only the moment that they were punctured, they exploded into plague. Maybe we can fix that.

This is irreversible? How do you, I don't know, are you literal God, Booker? How do you know this isn't reversible? I'll say, I'll say. Not literal God. No, stop doing that. You must hit me that time. Fuck.

Booker's aim and killing instinct is indeed mysterious. Literal God works a mysterious way from it. You see, as just somehow, there's a bunch of, like, well-armed soldier military mold, but there's also a stereotypical horse. He's got a crush. Yes, with the little. He's like tiny Tim.

He's like a tiny Tim. He's got the cap on. As he looks up at you. And there's still a greenness as he's covered in boils. As he looks up at you. I've got some healing medicine cream in my baggie here.

I'm going to heal you little orphan child, all right? Are you here to kill us? It depends on how you respond to this medicine cream. I'm about to rip all over your body. If you burst on me, then all of your feet. friends will be killed swiftly afterwards. Really?

But if you're healed, then all of your friends are healed too. It all hinges on you, little orphan child. That's a lot of pressure. Just close your eyes and relax, all right? I don't feel so good. I know. I know. It's going to be all right.

fixing book. How are you going to heal me? I'm gonna. There's no way this will tell. I pull out my my little satchel of healing herbs and make a quick poultice and I will use some feature. I think you do you literally have a feature for that. It takes an hour and we all die. I know I do and the answer is you use it. I use implement yeah. I use the hand of healing. And I will...

So you approach him. I do. Okay. I walk up to him. I get within arms reach of him. I look down at his crusty, boils covered face. I'm tired.

He kind of comes. He actually stumbles and kind of falls over. Before he hits the ground, I will cradle him in my arms. And I will hold him. And I will say, it's going to be all right, little orphan boy. Miss Bitsy?

Yeah. Yeah. I, can I tell you something? Well, you just did, but yeah, another thing, yeah. Oh, come closer. I'm so weak. Uh-huh. I'm so weak.

What is it? Big reins! I need to what. It's in her mouth. Tell her in the flesh in the mouth. I begin to just tear into these things. My whip is flaring to and fro. VARG Slayer or whatever equivalent is here is ripping through.

I take my halberd. And I just start, Borg-Sigma! And I just start moaning through waves of scaven. I'm suplexing moles left and right. I take my cigarette out of my mouth and I just sigh and I put it into the bottle of alcohol and I toss it down the cave. And I want to throw a Molotov cocktail.

Bitsy, I would say there's no save for that. I think you're instantly in my mouth. I mean, it's in my mouth. Yeah. You're covering in the orphaned Jimmy. Yeah. A little orphan, Jimmy. Oh, his name was Jimmy.

I found his ID right here. What are the answer? I said, they gave ideas in the orphans. I need, I think with that. It's an orphan underneath. They registered. He's an orphan donor. I guess they didn't want to forget.

I think with that, the way that I will resolve this is I'm going to have everyone roll initiative. And that's where we'll take a break. Not me. What did everyone get for initiative? 9. 17. 20.

14. 5. So, Booker Grumley. Booker. Oh, God. Not every time. 15 to 20. 50 to 20.

You got 50? Oh, 14. 14. 14. 20 and 10 to 15. Oh, 14. 14. So then John Claude.

Peggy and Bidsey, what do you get? Picki, what do you get? Nine. And then, yeah, Bitsy. Okay, let me see. Whatever Shrigela is. How are they so fucked up? Because they've been folded back and forth a million times.

Oh, did we do the opposite sides on these? Yeah, yeah. They were cards that we did. They fold back and forth, and they're just flopping all over the place. Do you get a nine? Nine. Okay. So, actually, that's correct, correct.

And then we're going to put Shrigella at the back. Okay. Oh my god, that horse is just fucking exploded. Oh, baby, that's crazy. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. Oh my God, they're coming. Oh, God. Booker, you're up. That shot!

Presumably, I can only make one attack in this state. I am going to do so. I'm going to start by firing my crossbow at one of the guys in the middle of back over here. Thank you. That is a 14 to hit. 14 will hit. That'll be eight points of piercing damage. Eight points of piercing damage.

Just to like one out in the middle over here. Yeah, it thunks in, and I'm going to roll a... Actually, could you flip a coin for me? Just D-2. Tails. It explodes. You see as it bursts, as there is a wobbliness,

but the air starts to fill with gas, and I'm making a point. Do I need to like, should I mark where it was? Yep. I am marking a one. Oh, boy. All right, so the X's are where the gas clouds are. Oof. These are supposed to be like puddles of I-Corps. But if I had known there was going to be another mechanic, I wouldn't have drawn those.

They're all boomers. Tell me if you hear a witch. Bonus action, as I fire off this one of my Van Helsing bolts from my amazing Van Helsing ballista, I look over my shoulder to my, left and I look at Grumman and I say, get him at night and I give you bark inspiration. Oh, Grumley are out. Oh my god, I have spells I can do.

Oh my god, how do I do any of this? Um, uh, oh, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, is, oh, oh, what are these a bonus? Yeah, I don't know. Um, I am going to, uh, I'm running in, and I guess I presumably still have my armor and a giant halberd with a large spike on the end. And I'll say, in the game of course!

In the game of course! In the game of course! In the game of course! And I'm going to run up, one and a half, two and a half, three and a half, five, six. Can I channel divinity as a bonus? I guess it depends on what it is. Let me just go here. He's got a real whole novel to figure out of those classrooms. I know. It's been a while, though.

Are we still doing that? No, no, no. It's awkward. You're not. Okay. I am going to bonus action. and in my praying, I hope to get blessed by literal God.

And something answers. I don't know if it's little God or if it's Satan and the devil or Gary Oldman himself. And I'm going to cast Shield of Faith on myself, which gives me plus 2 AC. And then I'm going to make a melee attack

on the closest guy here. I'll do this one. And that is a 22. to hit. Plenty. 22 to hit. Okay, hits.

And that does. Seven points of... Oh, wait, hold on. It has cleave. How does Cleave work? Oh, God. Can I pull it up here? Make like a tree.

And cleave. Oh, that's very funny. Cleave. D&D. 5E. Let me just look up the rules of the game real quick, so make sure they understand them.

One of you shoot the melee tank with a weapon with cleave, I can make a melee take against a second creature within five feet of the first. Oh. That is also in my reach. They're all spread out perfectly. I can't use the cleave. Roll a D2. Oh, a D2?

Uh, one. One, it explodes. As you slice into this mold, it absolutely explodes. And I am going to, as it explodes, you, uh, as it explodes, you, uh, Oh my god, where's the stat block that I have here? Make a constitution or dexterity saving throw for me. Decks, you say. Don't forget you got inspiration.

You can you part of inspiration. I will do so. Canada D6. 14. 14. Barely passes. As you're the half of 22 points of poison damage. Oh, you're definitely fucked.

And we got this. It's fine. It explodes into this. horrible, putrid, pestilence. Oh, are you disadvantaged from your poison condition? Oh. Yeah. I guess I would be, right? For sure.

Just roll higher. It'll be fine. Just roll higher. Are all the exact same. Okay. Oh, no, it's higher. It's higher. So 17. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah, you can't be. No, no, it's still 14. John Claude, you see this. As they're all kind of lurching towards you,

these fiends of pestilence. I'll say, I'll say. Oh, I'm marking one for another cloud. Minions of pestilence, I mean denizens of Mulholm. Fear not, for we are here to help. Sent by literal God, we will remove this pestilence from you. By killing all of you. Whoa, whoa, I didn't say that.

You got to take responsibility. Don't put that on me. Don't put that on my name, John Clown. I have a feeling a lot of people do pretty fucked up stuff in my name. No, that's not cool with me, Jean-Clawn. This is his mysterious clans. No, no, no, no. It ain't on me, moz.

Nose can you hear me? That's not me. It's not me. I had nothing to do with this. I will run forward and I will use the mole slayer. The Pestoletor Slayer whip. assuming if you allow a 10-foot reach. Yeah, yeah.

I will strike the one next to Grumley, or I'll try. You're gonna kill him. Oh, is it gonna explode and build to him? Hey, yeah. All right, I'll start using this one. I'll just serve this. Yeah. Your soul's been deterred here.

I'll say, Grumlin, this is your penance to be bade and pestilence. Winona Rada made me do it. Winona Ryder was here? A 20, a 20 to hit. 20 on hit? Her soul's a motor. I will roll eight damage.

Eight damage. Roll a D2 for me. A D2? Two. Two. It stumbles forward and lurches towards you and uses a reaction. It survives, it is standing as it comes in your direction. and it's going to make a, yeah, it's going to make a horrible,

it gets right up on top of you as you see this mole stumble forward. As you watch its mole nose rot off as this horrible putrid emission is going to attempt to hit you. Can you kill it? Oh no. 16 to hit? 16 hits? 16 hits.

Okay. Okay. Can I use my reaction to make you, subtract from that? Yeah. And I'm going to cast Silvery Barps on that creature, so it will have to

be disadvantaged. We'll disadvantage. It might roll on subtract. No, no, it's disdemeanor. That would be an 11. That misses. It spews this in your face as it is lurching towards you. It's not dead. I'll say good call,

Bugha. Nostra. Well done, well done. Minion of piss. but here in the name of literal God, you cannot defeat us. And I will use my bonus action as I call out in the name of literal God to also give part of inspiration to Bitsy. You do that. As you see all of them kind of almost, they're all lurching forward indiscriminately.

And in a moment, they'll kind of snap up and all look at you as they're walking. very slowly. But then they look down and they all have these long, sharp claws. And they almost strangely, supernaturally, they begin to dig and they all disappear into the earth as they burrow down beneath you. Mechanically, keep all of those on the, uh, keep all of those, but they have 40 feet of burrow speed. I mean, they're gonna attempt to all surround you and attack whomever they get. Could I? I do think that I was... They're just using their movement, right?

Yeah. So I could opportunity attack them. Yes. So basically... They would need 30... I would say they need... They need five feet to burrow down beneath you. So 35.

Yeah. So basically the ones in the back here can get to Grumley. These ones can kind of get to Jean-Claude and the rest of them can swarm us in the back line. Yeah, one and a half. Three... I wouldn't even bother counting it all out.

Just make it. Yeah, it's pretty much good. Yeah, they can get there. Again, it's the ones in the front. The ones in the front can get us. The ones in the middle can get to Jean-Claude. The ones in the back can get to Gromley. Yeah, probably there.

We got these guys coming here. I mean, they can probably all, one, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah, that guy can get there for sure. They can get there. These guys, uh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So, they're swarming,

us. Mechanically, my halberd has a reach of 10 feet. Okay. So that means that when they're leaving my reach of 10 feet, that's what I'm gonna make my attack. So I won't be within five feet if I hit them. Okay. That was smart. So I'm gonna make reaction. Someone in chap got what we're doing, that season three of Uprood is only one episode.

Exactly right. You just say because you're poisoned. So you miss anyway though. You miss anyway. As this thing burrows down, As they all, like Monty Mole and Mario Carton, burst out and... Burm! As they all are making attacks on you.

And so, let's see, we definitely have two on Peggy. Actually, two on Peggy, two on Booker, two on Betsy. Can I get some more dice? I didn't think we're gonna have... What do you need? Oh yeah, what do you need? We got plenty over here. Just everything. I don't know.

I am about to get crushed. The, the, oh, no, we moved everything, didn't we? The shy halussi's up there. No, it's just bucked off. Pass this over. Oh, my God. You want this? Yeah, oh, you got, that's a huge bucket. That's all the prototypes from the broken moon.

That's all funny. Um, Peggy, 212's on you. Oh, no, I don't want to go shit. Okay, they miss on you. Um, do you want some trolley wear em? Bitsy, a 19 and an 11 on you. Only the 19th. Only if it's sponsored by Toil-Hara.

If it's not, I'm not interested. That's really helpful. You're a lot. Oh my God, it's sponsored by Forza Horizon 6. Only on Xbox. Yeah. Or is it PlayStation? Good gosh, gosh, yes.

Xbox. It says so up here at the top. Only on Xbox. That's 9.13, 13, 19, 21. 21 points of damage to you, slashing, and poison. I think we just all die. I'm cooked here, for sure. Two on Booker?

Yeah. That is gonna be an 11 and a 22 to hit. 22 hits. Okay. If both hit, I was gonna be dead. I'll just roll. 10, 16, 18, 22 points of slashing and poison damage to you. Holy, okay.

As they rip into you. Blood explodes from my chest and my face shower. and poison and iCore all over that's everywhere. Four attacks on Jean Cologne. Oh, God. You're coach, bro. Uh-oh. Oh, wow.

Two definitely mess. But then one is gonna be a 15 and a 21. 21 hits. One is a 15? Yeah. That misses. Okay, so only one hits. 21 hits. Uh, uh... 12. That's no good.

12. Uh. 12, 16, 20, 24 points of slashing and piercing, and poison damage. Okay, Grumley. Are these using the deep drag stamp block? Richie, how did you know? Available now at the crooked moon.com,

a modified deep drag stat block. Well done, well done, well done. The crooked moon.com, the gurgren moon.com. Nominated for five any's. Only three attacks on you. Only. Is that right?

There should be four. This should be four. I mean, yeah. John Claw, that four, you're gonna. Two are definitely gonna miss, but then one's gonna be a 19. That hits. And the other is going to be a 19, the other is gonna be a 16.

That misses. Okay, dang, okay. Thank God. Probably still is good unless you roll low. Oh, I actually do roll kind of low. Eight, 12, 16 points of slashing and poisoning. And poison.

Yeah. As- You're killing me, Booker! They're killing me! As the people of moleholm. The people of moleholm that had suspiciously eaten poison

grain, now succumbed as you hear them one speak as it slashes and tears into you, and it says, We are the heralds of the end times. And with that, it's Mithy's turn. Oh, fuck. This orphan really triggered everything. I will.

You've got a little Jimmy in your hair. You've got rancid cotton cheese in my mouth. I don't know. I guess I just fucking hit people really hard. It is very hard. Booker, how are you looking? I'm bleeding out. I mean, I don't know.

I can't save me. My blood and I core, I am bleeding out. Yeah. I'm imminently close to death. I'm hurting. We're a DPS race. You just got to, you got to do the thing that kills everybody. I don't have a thing that kills everybody.

Oh, that's unfortunate. I can hit one thing really hard or I can hit two things. I will. With a focus point. I'll start by spending a focus point on Flurry of blows, and I will. endeavor to destroy the two creatures, mole creatures right next to me.

The first one is a 19 to hit. Hits. Second one is a 15 to hit. 15 hits. Okay. I don't know if they have hit points, but I will... Just roll a D2 for each of them.

D2 for each one. They should decide which one you're doing first. The one on my side is going to get a four, sorry, a two. Okay. And the other one, is going to get, sorry, that was cocked, a one. A one.

Then one explodes. I need Booker and Bitsy to make a dexterity saving throw. Yep. Did you roll a two on the D4 or a two on the D2? So I rolled a four on a D4 and I make that my two and then I rolled a one with-. Dex save? Yeah.

Right. I rolled a 16 plus seven as 23rd. Oh God, I got an 11. 11, uh, Booker, you'll take the full mouth. See, yo. I think I'm out anyway. Actually, shit, depending on how much you do, you might outright kill me.

I think I'm out of me. Even though I cut it in half. Oh, I rolled low. I mean, he might kill me outright. Like, no, death saving for us. There's no way. If he rolls twice, six points of damage, I'm dead. Dead dead.

Maybe. I have two hit points. 11 points of poison damage or half. This is the explosion though, which is last. The missile. All right, I'm, I've fallen conscious. Okay, so that's, I am at one, uh, one hit point.

Oh my God. With my action, I'm going to grab from my inventory a pen with a B design on the end that I have from

I think season one. And I'm going to spin it around my fingers and I'm going to throw it like a dart at this one that's far away from everybody and I'm going to get a 21 to hit and he explodes. But he doesn't He's not anymore, so.

Which one is your attack? This one that's on the one. Yeah, you pierce into it as it stumbles forward. And I'm gonna remove that from my inventory. Goodbye, you've been with me for so long. Um, God, with my free interaction, uh, uh, uh, free action, I kind of want to put on the one ring, but I, I, I'll save it in case I survive with one head point.

I was just saying, why don't you use the one ring? I like, now's the time. Pinsie doesn't know what it does. It's just, that's all I can do except run. I can use my movement. I have 35 points of movement. I will

dart towards the big pulsing portal. Probably want to go around the outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Around the outside, around the outside. The portal is going closer into the city where more zombies are. Oh, if it, oh, I say. So it's... You have to go around this cloud or you'll take poison damage.

I can't run over the poison crates. You can't. They're five feet in the air. I mean, five feet. I don't think that gets you any closer. I'm not sure. I'm sure. No, no, you're right. You're right.

Take me all the way to the edge and then 35. Yeah. Perfect. Okay, I'm turning to race around the edge. Come on, that'll be the end of my turn. Peggy. Mike, I know it's a ritual.

But I literally never summon King George. So could I trade fine familiar, which would normally summon my fly? And can I try and summon my child. I mean, we should have a deep connection. I birthed it. And I might still have wax in me. He might just be active right now. He could be closed. He didn't die. You can totally say no. And I'll pro-grease it up. I need to make an Arcana check-it advantage for me. But I just feel it'll be really fun.

Let's go in my child. Come on. Arcana, you see. It flew away, didn't it? They did. Yeah, but he looked at me longingly and lovingly the way a son looks at a mother. How do you feel about a 23? Ooh. Ooh. What do you do? How do you do this, Peggy?

Just tell me how you, tell me what you do in this moment. You see Booker has exploded, covered in filth. You are coughing. Your friends are covered in boils. It is bad. Yeah, no, it is. And I realize that I'm only level three, and I don't have access.

to Fireball or my Molotocon cocktail. Oh shit. And that there's very limited that I can do as I as I cough up a bit of adult bell wax and I realize that I've that though I may not have the power to solve this, that that which I gave life may have the power to help us and um I will I will just begin to talk into this disgusting half digested well that means not at all digested it's wax a piece of as I start to mold it into an effigy of my child. Oh, sweet baby, come home to mama. Mama needs your help.

I stepped on a crack and all my friends' backs are gonna break. Please help mama, baby. I get you, I birthed you, come to mama. And I'll see if anything happens. You beseech the thing that's getting, it's shrieking horrible thing made of wax. I miss you so much. I'll send you to college.

And I'll ask you to expend the highest level spell of slot you have. I'll expend both. Expend two. Okay, I will do that. But I think that's fair. That's two second levels. That's two second levels. I like that role.

That's good. Me too. It's good. Done. Suddenly. You hear a cacophonous shriek that fills the chamber, that sounds, like the strange, equal parts, fiend, bat, shriek, and frog croak.

As you hear the flapping of wings, as you remember this tiny little chittering abomination that it emerged from your mouth. Ribbit. But now you see almost statuesque, a bat-like, in almost pristine red marble.

It almost looks like. You feel like it must be wax, but it's almost been sculpted out of perfect red polymer and forged as... Come on, baby. You get a second help in a allowance. It's literally what I'm thinking about.

You can play Fortnite all. night tonight, honey. As you hear, I have answered your call, mother. As he let out this horrific shriek filling the, um, this chamber with

you have him? We actually need the Crimson Abbott. Where do you want to put him? He's in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if he'll stand. I might have one that'll stand up. Keep on. Keep going. As

the homunculus, to sense. As you see this thing and it's almost a horrid it's a horrid thing to gaze upon the terror and the beauty. There

are frog-like elements to him, bat-like elements and just this other-worldliness as he lets out this chittering shriek and the entire chamber is filled with what

feels like crimson lights or light cast through a crimson stained glass window. I'm going to make a roll here. They're going to make a break check. You're a very generous, Dan, Michael. You know, this is fucking a brutal. As they get a natural two,

as the moles all look up, as they all hiss, as the light singes their flesh, the boils and pestilence, bubbles and pops on their skin, as they all make this horrific, agonized pain in unison, as they then turn down and begin to burrow into the earth to get out of the light. They all use their reaction to expend their movement, to burrow down the entire earth at the gates of moleholm crumble and tremble as and then it suddenly stills as the your child the adult bell creation this wax homunculus uh bats its wings and descends down amongst you they grow up so fast

He looks directly at you, Peggy. Mother. Yes, honey. Did I do a good job? You did such a good job, son. You'd never let Mama down. What does it mean to be bat or frog? I am confused.

Well, you know, it means that you can fly and you have warts, really. And if you're looking for something deeper than that, you're asking the wrong mom. What was I made for? What was my purpose? Uh-oh. She created you. I mean, that's really simple. I have, I was on this, you know, I was on this show once about having like these weird compulsions because I like to eat wax.

It's a real problem. I just can't let it go. My favorite is this adult bell wax is what you made out of. It makes you look beautiful. And so you rugged and mobily and stuff. And so I, I ate that and then birthed you. From my love, from mother's love. That's where you came from.

The servants of pestil and swarm the underground. Yes. It is not safe. For you or for us? He's a sullen boy. Not a big talker. I'm at one hint point. It's not safe.

I think I said we should go. Get killing. I'm dying. I'll say, oh, Booker. I wrote one death save. Oh, Booker, don't worry. Literal God would never let you die. Well, I'll cast a healing spell.

My favorite preacher man over here is going to help a friend book a... But you have these beautiful, lustrous wings made straight from Mama's womb. Could you carry us out to safety, darling? I'm paying for your college. I had to work at Quack Donald's for many years. Do her monkely get to go to college? Well, you can do anything you want. If anyone tells you otherwise, you tell them to call mother,

and I'll beat the shit out of them. I swear to God, if anyone picks on you in school, I will fuck them up. You hear me, son? Can I be godmother? Yeah, of course, you are in here.

Who else is going to be godmother? I'll fuck them up, too. Yeah, you just call in Winey and Bixie, and Mama Peggy, we're gonna fuck those kids up. I swear to got a fucking 12-year-old comes to add you on with a fucking throat.

Yeah, we'll split their throat. I swear to fucking go. I'm gonna fuck them to you, honey. I'm gonna fuck them up, and Bidzie will be right there. And I'll swap the eyes. We'll feed them to the friends and rugged fucking friends

looking in and watching will be the rides to their friends. Their eyes will be different sockets than they were before. Yeah. So can you fly us the safety baby? I'll say, looker, wake up. Much of the other children make fun of me. Well, if the other children make fun of you, you just kill him.

10 points of healing. Thank you. Before you do that, rolling on the dissaving throw. Oh, for real. Oh, gosh. We close our eyes. Yep. Okay. Holy shit. I wasn't looking, but I forgot to close my eyes. Booker. Hold on.

Oh, Booker. Booker? You, it almost feels, Booker. Booker. Like, you can hear your friends. But you're in the dark. And you're falling. Is this a dream?

No, you're sinking. As you're sinking into the deep, the deep, dark water that surrounds you, As you see the surface, and you see the surface of the water and it's choppy, but you can see your friends. They're all standing. There's weird strings, man, red wax with great bat wings. And your friends are above you, but you are beneath them.

You call out, and your lungs fill with water. You expect to feel the pain, the agony, the death. But all it is that you feel is home. As you feel the movement beneath you, as you see huge jaws of razor sharp teeth opening beneath you, as lamp-like eyes open, take me. Terrible and fishy, and it's almost the jaws mighty enough,

a hunger immense enough to devour the fire demons here cool. And right about, right before those jaws enclose around you, you're suddenly sputtering and John Claude is over you. Oh, St. Bugger! Oh, are you okay? Oh, John Claude. Our new literal God would never let you die. I saw him. It's all literal God.

In his terrible beauty. Oh, I always pictures them beautiful. It's true. The teeth is the endless maw. What do you mean? Like, you know, 32, 36 teeth? Like how I just kind of pictured them kind of similar to myself. Uncountable.

Oh, that's a lot of teeth. It was like home, Jean-Glaude. I've heard it's a warm embrace, but, well, You stopped me from going home. What, you, uh, Booger, no, you were dying. You were dying and I'll brush your back. I helped you. I reinvigorated your fighting spirit.

And I just kind of go limping your arms for a moment as I'm trying to catch my breath. Also, you can't be doing this right now. There's a giant wax, beautiful Batman behind us. I'm out of it. Did you even see this? He's beautiful, but his eyes are a little too, bulges. Freakishishly beautiful.

Something unsettling when you look directly at them. Throttle's gone. Are they? They all fled? I'm like, I'm pretty... I'm wounded on my... I like start crawling back.

Is this... Is this a sign from heaven? Are you our savior? Are you an angel? I got my hands in this. He steps forward. This is my guy. He's made of wax.

He steps forward and he meals. And you feel, you see the radiance of his red light that goes down. It's like the Zeta Dracula. You're not sure if you deserve this or not. You're not sure what's going on. As he reaches down and offers you a hand, and you see his beauty's huge fangs pointed down. And you grab on to his hand.

Do you grab on his hand? It's actually surprisingly firm. It's a little, wow. It's a little tacky. It's a little tacky. It's a little tacky. I do not know what I am. And he helps you to your feet.

Wait, what do you mean you don't know what you are? You're homunculus hamletode. You're one and on the amunculus hamletode. Your mama's sweet boy. Hamletote. You're a hamletode. You're one of the line of hamletoads. Do I have my own name, mother?

Well, yeah. You could be called cute. if you want. I thought maybe he'd call Waxley. How monk? If you want to get... You could keep going. Oh, you married Tini of those. You could be called...

You could be called, you could be called, um... Um... Um... Say that again. Yeah, you look like you... You look like a chad. He puts his finger against his chin and it leaves a waxy imprint. We're all of something. Oh, see.

Just get it. Just get chin now. Shh. Hmm. You will never be picked on with a jawline like that, my child. No, not at all. Well, maybe from the girl. Chad Flyler.

Well, yeah, of the Hamilton line. Of the Hamilton line. We really gotta use our rich uncle, you know, to make sure you get into the good... Mother, what of the college bohemians do not accept me? Well, no, of course. They'll accept you because of the Hamlettolde line. That's why I'm going to do. saying if you don't think that your uncle was one of those weird crazy cults here I'm gonna walk up

if the bohemians don't accept you just use this I'll reach down in my pack and I'll pull out a hacky sack what is this strange device here I'm gonna throw it I need you to kick it all right huh He perfectly flawlessly kicks it. It crashes in. It goes over the gates of the broken gate. You see Mulholm as the goats, the gates. It's like when Superman kicks a football in the first Superman film. Well, you're going to have to go and find that, but he means love that.

They kick it back and forth and they can't resist. They can't resist, Chad. They love it. Chad, and you gotta wait, what you got, what you got, Mother Bitsy's telling you is true. We gotta lie a lot. Okay, so if you feel like you're not gonna get what you want, just lie about it. Just lie. Is someone standing in your way? Get him out of your way.

I cannot bear to tell you the truth, mother. Well, that's, that, I've done, and then I've raised you right. Wait, you was just talking about life. I am learning. You're the smartest boy I know. I know that I am comprised of adult bell

but sometimes I just feel baby You'll always be mama's baby That's the secret of being an adult Bill We all feel baby inside All the time It's all right

My brief existence You know what I tell you I'll love you forever I'll like you for always As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. But you have made me cursed, mother. Well, yeah, of course. We all, look, you can't be beautiful and have it all.

Although I am perfect, my time is limited. Running out. Does that mean you have sent you to die for our sins? Well, you've made a wax, I don't know. To save our immortal souls. An angel born a frog. Living amongst us. the checks. I'm solely saved. All her monkely are designed strictly to have a four-year lifespan.

We are too perfect. Yeah, you're too perfect. Perhaps me, for me, even less. No, I don't say that about yourself. You know, you're going to be one of the ones that lives five years. You know they always, look, I didn't get the chance to take you to the doctor but I guarantee you would have been in one of the top percent highs. You know what Mama always says? It'll be just enough time for you to finish college and then have that really depressing one year after. Mama always said you were big for your age. Is that your original sin? That you only live four years? Is that because you were too perfect? Is that because you're more bad frog than bad frog? I'm afraid so.

Strange pug. Perhaps blasphemer. Perhaps blasphemer. We can say. There's nothing perhaps about it. It's certainly a blasphemy. We're working on them. But this perfect physique comes at a cost.

Since I was born, I have searched the underground for answers, and I believe I only have four weeks. Don't say. No. Say it isn't so. Search your heart, mother. You know it's to be true.

No, I don't want to think about it, baby. I've only had you for such a small amount of time. If that true, that's impossible. Maybe don't know mother's worst fear is to outlive a child. No, Chad! I rush over. I'm going to rush over and cling to his leg. And I'm going to be like, put a hand on Peggy's back to try to support her.

Jesus is, I'll always be proud of you, baby. Perhaps there is salvation. Perhaps I can extend my existence. Do we need to kill the matter? I'm telling me what I need to do. What the fuck? Whoa, whoa, no one has to kill anybody. That's crazy.

No, they all just do something normal. He's gonna save us. He's here to save us all. I don't know, look at him. Blood sacrifice might be the way here. Well, let's hear him out. Go ahead, Chad. What do we gotta do here, buddy? I must find answers.

But perhaps it is all for nothing, for they are already saying the end times have begun. So perhaps it is all who have four weeks. Perhaps all of us are doomed. At least I will not miss anything. I'm gonna stand up and slap him in my face. Mama didn't raise no bitch, Chad. It doesn't move.

Yeah. It's a little sticky. It's a little sticky. Yeah. Look at me. Mama didn't raise no bitch. You can, well, I don't know what it is you need to do. I don't know who we need to kill.

I don't know what stick twisted rituals we gotta come up with. But we can do. figure this out if you can have more than four weeks we're gonna get you more than four weeks baby gets whatever baby wants and is a true mother am i baby chad you'll always be mom's baby and then some some hussy's gonna come along and start calling you baby and you know hopefully she's right for you but if she's not that's where that's what got mama bittsie comes in and then all that stuff i told you about killing him that's that we neck that.

But you only have four weeks to find the love of your life. I feel not perfect. I feel like an abomination. I mean, technically, you know, mom's not going to lie to you. Technically, you are an abomination built from my stomach acid and some wax that I wasn't able to do. For what purpose, mother?

Why was I born? Why was I made? Oh, this is turning the south real quick. Well, you know, you were in accident, chance. Oh no. Say that's not going to well. But on the bright side, you were the best accident of my life. And I think that without you...

No, no, I understand, mother. In my brief time away from you, I picked up a copy of Watchman and there's a really cool monologue about how seeming accidents are actually miracles, and that's pretty fucking sick. exactly what I think. You were the, you were the miracle. I know what you're trying to say. Exactly. I didn't mean for you to happen. But it was the universe.

It was meant to be. It was like fate almost, but fuck fate. You know, it's just, it's what was supposed to happen at that time. You honestly, Chad darling, you saved me. Miracle baby. When I burst shrieking out of your clips. Yeah. Holy crap, you remember that? Like you were, you were conscious and aware.

He was fully sentenced. It was great. Oh, my God. I was there. Imagine remembering being poor. Good Lord. Oh, man. I saw the whole thing.

It was a miracle, like you said. The pain is our penance. I'm at least really going through it. I'll say if he's got a copy of watchman, you think he's going to move to the moon and abandon us? Almost certainly. Oh, man. If that's what he wants to do, then that's what he's allowed to do.

I had not thought of the moon. Don't you dare let anyone tell you you're not capable of doing anything. Chad, Hamletoe, Hamletoe, Flila. Because we got to hype, just to make sure you get into the Ivy Lakes. We've got to add it. Father's castle is compromised by the lighter of pestil. I don't know. I'm more like a Virgin Mary, really, in the sense that there was no father.

The son of God. It's true. Oh, boy. castle, his fortress, his legacy, consumed in pestilence. No, we're not ready for that conversation yet. I'm a virgin. And so you were born in a virgin birth. It's part of what makes you a miracle.

We can't tell him about sex yet, Bidsey. He's supposed to find his true love in four weeks and can't tell him about fucking sex. It's made of waxing to do whatever the fuck he wants. Yeah, I did just tell him. Oh, God. He's a divine mystery. He's basically a walking condom. Chad, you're gonna be real popular in Congress.

I'll say, are you anatomically correct? Are you wearing clothes? He's a man in garden wax and one. He's built frog tough. Look at that one. Is it truly... Truly unknowable. And all of his insinfinite wisdom.

His middle name is Trojan Chad Trusen fly lure of the Hamilton line That is something Godmother That's you Oh yeah, well Do you think it is true that I could erect

My own castle on the moon? I'm so glad you said my own castle on the moon Have you ever seen the moon, Chad? We've been in these caverns underground for so long No I have never seen the moon I hear it is beautiful It is, it truly is

It's a sight to be held But you can go there It's like a giant peeled lemon Hanging in the sky People say it's a huge rock That hangs out above the The realm that we live in But it doesn't fall down ever

It just sits up there Staring down at us Waiting I'll say it's a rock I always thought it was made of cheese. That's fucking ridiculous. Oh. You never tried to go to the moon.

No, we don't think that's possible. I don't know anyone who's tried. Yeah, as far as I know that you can't get to the moon. But if you feel like you can get to the moon, Chad, of course you can, because no one is going to. to tell you that you can't do something that you put your mind to. You've got wings. That means that you might be the first one who might have a chance. Well, you also need to be careful flying next to that really warm orb up in the sky

because you are made of wax. Yeah, that's bad. And there's a story about someone with wings who flew too close to that orb. Cannot all of us fly? No. No. Well. Your mama can't fly.

Chickens can't fly. Well, if you believe that, then perhaps. Perhaps all of us can fly. All of us. But how would we know unless we jump from some tall tower? Oh, I mean, it is almost certainly gonna be death after that. It's a thing called gravity. It just kind of pulls you right back to earth and then he splatterly ground.

No creature knows what it can truly do unless they dare to leap. Sweet baby, Chad, that's similar to what those folks were talking about. about when they tried to have us drink all that lemonade and then everyone died around us. Yeah. Maybe he's right though. I mean your last name is literally fliler. I'll say like confoundment to the ground is a prison that exists only in the mind. I don't like where this is gone, Grumley. Come on back me up here. What? This is turning in from like this is gone from cool cult to like like not cool cult. Like death cult. Real quick. Well, we know that poor Diss and D star from Jumping from buildings, antennas, spans and earth.

Did they die truly? They jumped, did they, did someone else jump and land on them? I think it was unclear. I thought somebody landed on them. He wasn't very clear. But we know it can be done. Did they truly die? I mean, and honestly, we've seen so, who would have thought?

They're so live on, don't they? When you met me, did you think I would be a mother? virginal Peggy of the fliler line. A mother, and look, my chiseled wax son stands before you, telling you of your ability to fly into the sky and meet your true potential. Who are we to tell Chad

that this cannot be so? Grunley, Gunley, listen to me. I'm losing everybody here. I'm convinced. I'm in the minority here. But listen to, you have to, you have to believe me. Okay, okay, Booker. You don't know what I saw. Listen, I, if I could even begin to explain the things that we've seen in the last 48 hours,

I don't have the answers, but I can't contradict this beautiful wax man who stands before us. But I can tell you what I saw today. What did you see? The answer was not in the moon. The answer was in the unfathomable depths. Like this scene? Yes. What are the unfathomable depths of the moon?

No, no, the cold, deep of this. Of the moon. But the moon is just a big wheel of cheese in the sky. No, it's a big rock. That's what I thought. It's a big rock and the Aluminati. Keep it up there. How?

Dronly, I don't want to clip your wings. Only, we knew how. If you feel in your heart that you must fly, then fly. But there's another path for me. What's the path for you? It's to go home. To go home. Go home in the infinite moor.

Wyatt, I don't want to ruin your plan here, Booker, but you almost died because moles slashed your body to pieces. They tore you to shreds practically. I say, and they exploded, and that was a bit of it too. And you're talking about going deep. Well, the moles went deep. And so if you go deep, you're just gonna follow them and be slashed to shreds.

The moles are a false depth. I know of the true depth. Oh, he's starting to say cool stuff. Chad, Chad, talk some more. Chad, talks more. You're losing him. I say he's starting to say cool stuff, Chad. I'm not asking for anyone to follow me.

I think, Chad, that you and Booker need to get on podiums and have a good social study style debate right now. The depths of the skies. It's a cool off, everybody. He's doing the pose too. That pose from the throne with the golden mask in the hand. He's doing the pose. Yeah, the pose.

Oh my gosh, he's like he's Baldwin. Can this be true? You believe that... Baldwin the force. You have seen God. Here we are you. The very one. Do you, to you, do all of you?

No, I ain't ever seen God. She's standing right there. I hope to the God that he's never seen me either. I've done some questionable shit. False, all of them. I know what I must do. Mother, I must leave you. No, honey.

You're going to help us out of here, right? If you are prepared to leap, you may fly. But I must find salvation. And you have opened my eyes to what salvation means. All right. Well, as long as you don't get any kind of sexually transmitted diseases or anything, Mom is fine with it. Or if you do, just let me know so I can help you out.

I am more, more critter than critter. But that's not enough. Four weeks. What in existence is that? What life is that? No, no, no, no. We have more than four weeks, surely. You must have more than four weeks. My lord. If it is true what they say about the end times, it may make no matter.

But you say you've seen a God, you say you've seen a God, you say you seen a God. All different things. Those are immortal beings. Those break the chains of a limited existence. That's right. I will be the godliest homunculus that has ever taken wing. The dimwood will gaze upon me

and they all will pray. With that, his wings beat. As he takes off into the air. Cheers! Why, my darling, I'll see you later, be home for dinner on time. Oh, Chad! Oh shit, I should have named him Monculous.

Wait. Will we all fly on wax wings in the end? Will we fly like an eagle and touch the sun? Only if you dare to leap. Goodbye, Mother, I miss you. He's such a good boy. He's a good boy. He's such a good boy.

He's so good. I bet he's gonna be valedictorian. That's what it is, right? Dictorian. Yeah, I think good boys. Dictorian is right. Validictorian. That's such a weird name to call someone who's smart. That's fine. Hey, watch out. There's bowls around here. Oh, God, he's still alive. I threw up.

It's lying on my pen. Clean yourself up. I run over and I... I roll him a little bit and I pulled the pen with the B design on top, which I'm able to recover. Okay. Do that. Well, you know, he didn't fly us out of here, but he did get rid all of those moles. So I think that, yeah, I think that my son, my sweet baby boy, he did write my mother. I think he's going to be okay. I think he is too.

That man is a true prophet. I don't think that our viewpoints are diametrically opposed. No, I believe it. He speaks truth just as much as I do, as much as Jean-Claude does, as much as Grumley does. I'll have to say, I'll say. I think this went very well. What the fuck? There are beings that are far beyond our comprehension.

Neither of you have admitted to seeing gods. I see a God every day. And also I know the secrets of the universe. I am the mother of that, of that beautiful. strapping baby boy. Bitsy, prove it. I can't prove it right now. Well, then I hope that day comes.

Well, you prove it. Yeah. I will soon be in the embrace of the infinite mall. I relish it. Well, I have to say, I'm sure glad we just called Maulke and stopped the best of the seal of the Entombs. I feel kind of good about this.

Yeah, yeah. Try to bring up the mood. He's not a little serious. Holy! I'll say, oh, literal God. I'm feeling that I'm starting to doubt me. Honestly, I'm only other cool things. No, I'm starting to doubting me a little bit.

I'll say, you're really not doing a good job. No, no, I'll say, I'll say, surely I'm doing a good job. I, well, I mean, oh, Booker was talking about an infinite mall and the warm embrace in a shadowy depths, almost like as of the sea. I assume that was you. I kind of always pictured you with kind of a normal amount of teeth out of he was adamant

that your teeth in fact were jagged and fathomless, I believe he said. I think he's just bad at counting. No, that doesn't sound like me. Say I'll say, oh, sell. To who thinks so?

I'll say, okay, well, I think that probably... 32 for me. I think that 32. Probably. I think John Wiggins. I think John Wiggins. I think you actually have a piece. There's like no actual voice.

There's no voice there. Oh, yes. Literal God, yes, I'm going to serve. Do I need to worry about that weird red wax guy? The sun, the galling is going from literal God to like down here and there's all these creatures up here now. And literal God is feeling insecure. I'll say literal God, no, I don't think so.

I don't think so. I mean, you're certainly the most powerful and the most handsomest, though he was extremely handsome even with the bulgin eyes. Now, in fact, if you have a castle on the moon, I may want to look out

because I think he's coming. But, you know, you got kind of neighborhood set up there. Not here in the moon. Nothing here on the moon? Anxiety in the world, God's choice. He's like, uh-uh. Well, I say that's fantastic news then,

because he's on his way to the moon. I think. So, I mean, he kept saying something about four weeks to live. Mayhaps, we have all four weeks to live, and the Entoms and the seals, and something and there were other. But I think he's coming to the moon to build a magical castle of wax. He did stirs the magical castle of wax. I think, in fact, yes, he does. Yes, he does. Oh, and I assume this was fine, but in your name, Grummley, I okayed him cleansing any of his heck and, and blaspheming with about 20 in the games, of course. So I will go ahead and... Oh, you're putting a good word for me! Oh, Grumley, I got... I'm working on it.

I'm setting it up. I'm setting it up to the big man upstairs. Oh, good, good. Tell him I'm awfully sorry about stabbing that giant stone crucifix with the sword. Young Grumley is extremely repentant. Your Lordship, literal God. He's committed...

About the stabbing the cross. Oh, about the stabbing the crucifix. Yeah, I didn't need for all that blood to come out. He had fallen to the allure of Gary Oldman, who, as you know, can be extremely convinced. And Winona Ryder had been, like, accidentally killed by arrows. So, like, what was I supposed to be? Extremely emotional moment, literal God. Winona Ryder, of course.

You know her well. Tragically killed by Erez. Tragically, in her prime, cut down by literal arrows. What was young Grumble to do except turn to Gary Oldman and Dracula? And of course, now in his wison stage. and of course after his 45 in the games of course he has seen the air of his ways

and he has become repenting and so literal God with your blessing I cleanse him of all his past blasphemence and you know just to add to that I don't think literal God is actually listening but literal God is

just in case he's real insecure just in case he can hear this what would you have done in a situation where poor Winona Rydo was forced to spend all this time with Keanu Reeves and his terrible acting. So the only way to save her in the situation

was to become Gary Oldman. I'll say, little God. Nineties, Winona Ryder. The begs a phenomenal question. 90 Winona Ryder. To be specific. Like, come on. What do you think? What wouldn't, you, you created a perfect being in that. Of Keanu Reeves.

What do you think? How literal God is he a good actor? Do you think that he is a lady man? He's never been, he's never had a single good deal. Does he have seminal works? Lord Jeff. He's only good in one film. I said, well, I was kind of working on a blast Freeman thing, but he didn't answer me, and now we're talking about Keanu. Oh, he's, oh my God, is he just giving you the sonnetry?

Oh, so he's kind of doing well. He doesn't answer. 45 in the games you say. I'll say, I'll say, literal God, 45 and not a mis-syllable in one. On his knees in front of a pew no less. Turn to the effigy of yourself, he cast 45 in the game. You can't see me right now. right now, but I'm stroking my voluminous white beard.

Oh, that's exactly as I imagined it. That's exactly all, but what? The pew is just a French squirrel. Oh, see. No, French squirrel. The lique. No, we don't talk about him. No, we don't talk about that.

Not the pew. Stupas. Literal God, if you could see it within your majestic and long white beard, as you stroke it If you could find it within yourself to please cleanse crumbly. Stroke that majestic white beard with your powerful hands. That's how I imagine them.

Powerful in which you craft many words. Tell them that there's no skunks here, just roosters. I say, literal God, that we haven't seen a skunk this whole time. Not a skunk around. Just roosters. Well, and all of the animal companions, you of course know, round us bug. And also tell him, uh,

a raccoon, I hope that's okay. He's kind of like, yeah, he's kind of skunker's look about him, but he's a kind of like, you know, so I little God I could understand if maybe at a time you were confused, he's in fact a raccoon, not a skunk at all. He's fallen in with some ill folk and at times that smelled quite bad, but he knows, sir. I can't see him in his response. No, sir. You've been proselytizing for like 25 minutes.

No, sir. I know. Oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, I'm saying that Bitsy has something to say to. She's a rat. I mean, a mouse. That's the, that's the guy.

What style of, is that that a mammal? That's not a man. Oh, tell him I'm a pug. I'm a pug. Oh, Grumly's a pug. The king of dogs, or in fact, the dog of kings. That's true. Oh, sorry, but before you respond,

busy as something to say as well. I forgot. Shit. Well. Did he ever say whether it was okay for Booker to be a raccoon? He did not answer on Booker being a raccoon. He also did not answer on Keanu Reeves.

And yet we still await. I suppose I cannot fault this lost pug for being whipped up by the films of Francis Ford Coppola. although I do not care

for the Godfather too as much as everyone proclaims it to be I'll say in your infinite wisdom if you ask me of course literal God in your infinite wisdom Godfather too is overrated Very well he is cleansed What's the fault?

I'm not the whole end he seems I say grumbly Consider yourself cleanse Oh stands and recognizes the allure of Francis Ford Copeland and knows that you have repented. Thank you. You have repented.

I will never be a heck-not ever again. Just so on the same page. You're all right being completely like, you know, okayed by a God that thinks that the Godfather, too, is mid. Well, I haven't seen it, so I don't really care either way. That Clems ain't worth shit. I say, Grumley don't listen to them. He may be a skunk in literal

God's eyes. Are you talking to me? I tried to clear it up for him, but he did not come back on him. I think the smell and slowly losing his mind. Oh, gosh. I feel so much better, Booker. That's how it works. Grumlin, you turn to...

You repent. You turn to literal God. You kneel at the pew, and that's it. From that, I just want you to know that if this doesn't go the way that you think it's going to go, I don't want you to be disappointed. What do you mean? Generally, when you make some sort of eternal soul pact, just, you know,

saying some, in the game, of course, doesn't erase that, just so you know. That's not true at all, bugger. But I did it 40 times and I told him how long it had been since my last confession. Time will tell. Isn't that all I need to, like, be absolved? Time will tell.

Wait, so he saved my soul, but he's not going to, like, let me say anything about rock and roll. He's not going to let the world end in four weeks, is he? Oh, strangely, he did not comment on that either. I was really focused on getting your soul saved, of course. Gras and my main consideration. Your soul isn't saved it all? Godfather, too.

Yeah, that really kind of put like a, you know, a damper on the veracity of his abilities in ours. I'm a little sick by that. I've never even seen Godfather one. Do you think he's a false god then? Ah, say, Grumly, that's ten more in the games, of course, for you. How dare you ask that question? I didn't do I think he's a hot god

I didn't mean to say Little God Shake the caverns or something Show him how angry you are No no they're the ones who are questioning your taste Oh he's a merciful god There's only one god She's standing right there she invented mansion

I'm taking my clothes off Wait that wait that Wait so hold on So right now there's at least Well there's literal God right and then That was right. There's a beautiful marble wax, munkilus, son of god, demigod, being.

Yep, possibly the spear of literal God. And then there's the, there's the Lord of a Thumb of a million teeth. Yeah, absolutely right. Yeah, yeah, he's out there. I'll say the parent of the depths and you know, whatever apparently you're talking about. Many names, many names.

And then there's, then there's Peggy. Well, yeah, without me, magic would not exist in this world. So the rest of those gods there, but nothing without me. How many gods are there? Definitely more than one. It doesn't matter. We're so spiritually lost.

You're going to the depths. Chad is going up to the moon. Literal God doesn't like Godfather too. It's a mess. All that is factually correct, yes. It's a mess. I say to clarify, he just said it was overrated. He thought it was kind of mid.

No, that's fair. All right. Talk about blasphemy. Good Lord. that it's rated extremely highly. So when you watch it with our expectations, and you come in and you're entertained, but you believe that better works.

That's what little guy understand with your mouse is. It's hard to hear. I feel that distinction is meaningless. I'm standing there naked with my clown mask on. You know, speaking of all of this, how do you think I handled my son there? I mean, like, I didn't give him any mommy issues or anything. He's gonna invite us to his castle on the wall.

Nah, he's gonna be fine. He's a good kid. Don't worry about him. He seemed like a good young man. Just like reminds me a Booker when he was that age. Oh, I'll say, the only other parent we know, an endorsement. That's right, Booker. Becky, take it from me, you did an infinitely better job than old dad over here.

Also, you did tell him he was a mistake and that he had no purpose. But nobody's perfect. You did a great job. But outside of your mistake and I didn't intend to have you, and I don't really know what your purpose in life is. Yeah. Everything else was gone. I don't know who your father is.

Very supportive. You don't think that... You slapped him at one point. You shrug him with your hand. You don't think that when I lied to him and told him I was a virgin that he caught that, right? Like, he bought that, you think? I think that if you truly looked into his eyes, those were the eyes of a being that sees all. There's no way to lie to that thing.

I think he thought you about his version as a dacre at Margarita Bell. Yeah. Good way to put it. Good way to put it. That went over about as well as a lead balloon. I mean, his eyes were extra bulgy. Yeah, I had a feeling he picked up on it. Well, he's a big boy.

Hey, he's going to learn about it one way or another, huh? Especially if it goes back to the foxhole at some point. God, you know. I hope not. They put my photorealistic feet pictures up on the wall, and that's just a conversation. I'm not ready to have. Yeah, I mean, gosh, QT pays a lot for those.

Okay, I'm going to try to get a good vantage point here, as you sees Beauregard climbs to one of the boxes of, of, uh, pestle and grain. Don't, don't, don't fall on that grain. Don't eat that grain. Don't, don't eat that grain. Don't fall on that box. If you eat that grain, you're gonna turn into a mole.

I think I know the way out. How do you know the way out, dad? I feel like, you know, you spend enough time with biz that love to shit that like, you know, you can kind of think like them. You know what I mean? They do not a lot about the way out. Yeah, but what would the bears that, what loves shit and what would they know about climbing out of a molehole?

I know quite a bit about things. The cave was their home. I mean, they told me so many stories about, well, mostly about shitting. Being honest with you, it was mostly about shitting, but, you know, they did talk about, I mean, also some sort of great history and a prophecy of Red Streak or something, I don't remember.

But they also told me about the, These caves. They're the caverns. All right. The world beneath the world. Their entire mission was seeking the last way. Wait, did you say the world beneath the worm? The world, I think.

Oh, okay. I was just, all of a sudden, I was having this horrible image of a worm that stretches across the world. That sounds awful. I don't think we've got any better shot. I'm willing to follow my dad. At least give them a chance to get us out of here.

I know what I need to do when we get back to the surface, and I won't speak for any of you, but I need to find the shoreline. so I can drink from the sea and take the eternal baptism of the sea and rest beneath its waters for all of eternity. Hmm. I thought for sure you're gonna say secure that vacation house. Not for all of eternity. I mean, you can't go down there. I mean, how long can you hold your breath? Two minutes? Once you've

drank of the nectar that is the depths, there is no such thing as time. It is infinite. than the eternal baptism from Bessie the pink-titty nun that's really fucking expensive Booker I don't know you were doing so well you know we're gonna revisit that someday dad we're gonna revisit that I'm sorry but you know that's a good question what is everyone else good book is gonna like pledge himself to the waves what's everyone else gonna do when we get up out of here the whole point of this was to try to get him to the clearing that Bitsy's from to like have him lay low from the Cosio's

The room That's One point was years ago I'm gonna love I'm gonna I'm gonna Learned today that the universe in this world

are much bigger and darker and deeper than we could have ever imagined You know what I think I'm gonna do I think I'm gonna be honest For once in my life And I'm gonna update my timber profile And I'm gonna mention that I'm a single mother

Wow That's very brave You do that. That's big of you. In fact. I think we go this way. As you see, as he stumbles off of these, pretty five-foot-tall crate, I mean, that's pretty huge, right?

As he stumbles off and he, oh, fuck! As he falls forward, he thinks he's going to hit the ground really hard. Is this it? It's an accident. He's going to break his neck. He's over 40. It's an accident. It's the big one.

But as he falls, you see him almost get caught and levitate. an inch off the ground. What the fuck was that? Daddy, are you all right? As you then see him almost kind of lift up as he floats in the air. Oh my God, I can fucking fly!

I can fly! You can fly? I can fly! You can fly! I can fly! Maybe this is what the beautiful wax man was talking about. Perhaps you've taken your leap of faith.

What? The leap of faith from Bessie Dillian nun. That's really in debt to that. Dad, I fear we may be on different paths now.

That's nonsense, Bucca. There's room for all in Bessie's bosom. I've seen those things. I don't understand. So, have you been blessed by little Rockard, too? I don't know what happened. But I know

that I can fly. I don't know what any of this means. I don't know what any of this means, Booker, but maybe it means that we all need to take a leap of faith and not from Bessie. Please tell me Bessie's a pig, so she has multi-rows of tits. I will neither confirm you or deny. We all have to take a leap of faith. Well, it's hard to argue with the evidence right in front of us, something jumping off a crate of grain and your father is imbued with amazing power can you fly around you're just kind of levitating whoa oh alex of amaze me I don't believe my eyes

I'll climb up on a grain on a crate of grain you do a leap of faith from a crate of plague grain really hits us the theme of this episode doesn't it really die hold on John Claude I'm coming I'm gonna stand with me Romney I'm gonna grab your hand I believe. Good luck, my friends. Good luck. I believe. I believe, Jean-Cove. I believe, Gromley.

Let's fly! Let's fly! We leap off the great. As you leap off, you feel a lightness within you. A lightness within you feels like you could do anything. You feel like this is where you were meant to be. As you land,

inches off the ground, as you feel a presence within you, almost a presence, you almost feel like you touch your forehead. Does it hurt? You're not sure, but then you blitz. blink and you realize that both of you can fly. Oh my gosh. Your...

Mechanically, your pestilence is cured. Whoa! And you return to your normal statistics and class and appearance before the whole Shartenstein's Bears caper. Sure, sure. That makes sense.

That makes sense. I'm a heck night no longer I've been cleansed Truly I've been saved Booker Please join us look What more proof do you need It's true

Everyone we must all take the leap of faith Look in front of you This is it, this is the cleansing The true act Spoken by the angel Delivered by Peggy I'll begin to climb up On to the crate

I'll scamper my way up. And I'll stand there for a moment and just think to myself. And I'm not going to immediately take the leap, but I'm standing on top of the crate and I'm thinking to myself. I'm not immediately jumping. I'm just meditating.

I appear to be meditating. Mother of God, will you join us? Yeah, I figured I would leap last as it's my son. I've gone to watch all of my child's acolytes. See the truth in the light. Join your brothers, Bitsy.

Get on up there. Now's the time. Sprout your proverbial wax wings. Take to the scars. It's very cool. You know, do right by your godson. Okay. I'm not moving as fast as everyone to the lake crates,

and I am still in this strange human form. but I look downhearted I don't look I look like I'm pondering I'm pensive but I keep my thoughts to myself and I guess I stand up next to Booker

who hasn't yet made his leap Are you ready? I believe so Where are we gonna go when we fly out of here? I don't know I think we have to I think we have to follow my dad

and see where he takes us, he seems to know the way. I think we're all really lost. Like even if we know where we are. You know what I mean? I think for the first time of my life, I feel like I have a direction. Come on. Hold my hand.

I'll grab Bidsey's hand, and as I look at you, I'll say, I'll kind of, I'll look into your eyes. I'll look in your eyes and I'll say, It's the dark tide. Under the sea, it's always winter. It snows up like little bubbles. And I'll attempt to step off the crate.

You do. And as Booker does, I will gently push off as well. You do. And as just like your friends, you land and you do not fall. You fly and you enjoy the same benefits that they did mechanically. And Peggy, as soon as this happens, you hear a voice in your mind. Did I do good, mother? Did I do good? And you lift off. And you fly yourself as all six of you have gained the ability to fly for how long you don't know.

Maybe she is divine. I look at Bitsy and I look at Peggy. I'm holding my arm. I'm naked still, with the clown mask on, as I'm floating up into the air with my arms out stretched. I'm ready, Mr. T Raccoon. Lead the way. Okay, what were those shitting bears talking about? Oh man. God, could you imagine how that little quaint got it fucking stink? And with that, uh, Beauregard flies his way in... As you make your way through these tunnels, you hear the unsettling sound. You hear the unsettling drone buzzing.

You've been experiencing that throughout your adventures under the earth. But it's been increasing more and more, and you don't dare go back to that horrid castle. The seat of pestilence. You think of Wygord, his rotting throne. And miraculously, Beauregard was right. Them chitten bears were useful. Eventually, you see something that you thought that you never see again. Light from outside.

And it looks like sunlight. As you see ahead, an opening in the earth. Almost a fissure that's broken, but it's wide, easily possible for all of you to fit through. Booker look. There it is. I told you, baby. Your old man still got it, Booker.

I knew you would doubt me, but I got it. You think you could have let us out of you? Not a chance, baby. As he leads you as you fly and you realize that the light coming through, you think it's the sunset. golden red as you all fly one, two, three, four, five, six, and you enter into the forest. You have no idea where you are, but you're in the forest of the dim wood. And you realize now that it's not sunset, it's the middle of the night, but there's a red light

radiating down from overhead. And as each of you makes your way out of the undergrim, ground, you feel the weight suddenly return of the cool forest air as you all tumble down onto the leaf-covered floor, losing your ability to fly. You're grounded just like the rest of the dimly. As they all stare up and you expect to red. You were just your red was your salvation. Uh-oh. The wax of the homunculus of Chad had been your salvation not too long ago, but what you see above you, you recall in the words of Wymore. As you stare up, you see a huge, streaking, fiery comet in the sky as it shines,

this hellish radiance, and it's not this crimson light of the stained glass that had come with the homunculus. it's the fire of rage, the fire of power, the fire of war. The rider of war

is coming. And that is where we'll end tonight's session. We're back, maybe. Thanks for the one session, right?