Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | S3E5 | Hearts on Fire

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

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Cupid intro. I have an intro. I have an intro. You see the curvature of the... No, I have an intro to play. We actually play. Oh. Yeah. We are Legends of Adventress.

This is... Sam Ramey's... Billy Joel's root. Rood. Which episode is this? What episode is this? Lend us your rakes. and join us.

Last time, Anna Bruton, Big Ned's dead, baby. Yeah. Big Ned's dead. Grumly murdered Big Ned. Well, after he attempted to... He said he was him to die.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. After he attempted to murder Bitsy, seemingly a petty thief. Um, I don't even remember what else happened. Peggy returned. Peggy, oh, Peggy,

you all went to sleep. There's a castle. You, you, You shoved Big Net in the closet. He shit himself. Violently. Oh, the worm came out on 17 times. Oh, there was worms.

There was like a Russian nesting doll. Did I get a bunch of damage? I think I'm kind of fucked. You guys had a long rest. After that. Oh, I took damage from that. There was a scene on the moon. Yes.

Peggy went to the moon and encountered Chad, the homunculus. My child? And he seemingly was creating some sort of great palace or Fortress, creating a wax moon behind the actual moon seemingly. And he said a bunch of cool, cool stuff. Yeah, he did.

And then, hey, he woke up. You all woke up. You enjoyed a long rest. You know what's funny? If you described me a character that basically was like summoning bleeding wax all of the ways, I'd be like, that's the coolest he ever heard of. But because it's Baby Belt Cheese Wax, it completely changes the context. His name is Chad.

Yeah, his name is Chad. Oh, he's like crying tears of wax that were pulled. pouring into the moon. Yeah, yeah. Like off of his hands and things. That's fucking cool scene. It's stone cold, man. You were on some different shit.

I was on some different shit that time. Damn. Um, you then all reconvened and discussed a great mountain to find the Wizard of Wood to deba- or no, to toboggan. No, you talk about a toboggan. You didn't find a toboggan, at least you think you'd do. Well, it wasn't very clear.

It wasn't very clear. No, it wasn't. A bit he just had some strange prophecy about it. But Chad did refer to something in a mysterious hutch that had to be found. And then you left, you found the garden, which is a mysterious circle of strange trees that looked fiery. And you found on the throne of skulls, Beauregard tea raccoon. That's right. He ascended. He ascended and he seemed to have joined this cult.

After a tearful goodbye, you left him behind as, Grumly's sword, hacked through the woods, burned through the woods to find a great castle of flame. And there you saw the leader of this lizard cults, the cults of flame and shadow, the gardener. And the flame seemingly consumed him as flames licked up the side of this castle. And seemingly, the palace, the fortress of the Blazing Heart, awaits, you're not sure. Any questions? Many, but none that we're gonna get answered right now. We're standing at front of the palace of the Flame of Shadow.

Seemingly. Mike, let me in. What? Let me in. To the palace of Flamashada. Oh, I'm trying to get in D&B beyond, and I think I triggered a notification to everyone's phones. I tried when to click on it and he just disappeared out of nowhere. I'm in focus mode. I put, do not disturb along with place, so no, we bother them.

So I can focus on it. on the Sachin. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Thank you. I don't do that. He's in. Thank you. I'm in. Are he still wearing your Cochering? Did you take it off? Oh, I wasn't. Yes. Yes. Yes. You see the shape of the gardener, the tail, the claws, the sharp teeth, his lizard-like body, writhing. in the flame as the dark silhouette is engulfed entirely by the roaring flame that surrounds this castle. There's smoke all around you from the burning trees

that surround, almost like a moat, surround this great castle that looks like a ruin. But you think that no matter how deep in the world, woodland this is, there's no way it should be standing this tall. Even the greatest fortresses of the Erie and the Marquisotte pale in comparison to the great castle before you. But the great drawbridge is down, the stairs up to the entrance is open, but consumed in flame. What do you all do? Did that guy just fucking die?

That's a great question, Dromley. Who knew that all of this was just sitting here in the dim world? I was kind of jealous of him in his relationship to his god, but that looks like it such. Did he know that was going to happen, or was that a pyrotechnics accident? Oh, geez. I mean, accidents happen, Gromley. I don't know.

This is, I truly don't know what to think. This is truly mind-boggling. Think of all the lost wisdom. Are we still gonna convert? I mean, like, we're trying to convert to this religion, right? We're trying to have our eternal souls saved. I'll say up until this point,

they've done some pretty cool stuff. I mean, you know, the Flaming of Sword, whatever you got going on. I mean, I don't wanna be set ablaze in a pirate-technic accident though. Does that mean we have to sell family? Well, I don't wanna self-immolay. Maybe that's like a gardener specifically.

Maybe. Uh, hello? Hello? How loud of the flames? Is it like a roaring fire or is it like weirdly quiet? It is oddly quiet. Oh. Hello.

Uh, we need help. We're lost. We're looking for the gardener or perhaps an attendant of some sort that can help us. We have several people who have pledged themselves already and some more that are looking to potentially convert if you have any kind of pamphlets or anything. And I'll say if you wanted us to go inside, uh, you kind of left all the fire on the bridge. the leaves within, so it's hard to walk through it. Can you turn that down? It's hot. Is anybody else getting hungry?

It smells like chicken in here. Dungeon Master, I mean, game master. Oh, boy. Can I make a search action to insight whether I think this is a gardener-specific actor sacrifice or more like a general everybody one. Make a religion check. Oh, that would be a study action.

You could study, please take a study action Brumley. That was almost a one, but it's a s... Oh, it wasn't fine in my character sheet, but I typed in Gumley instead of Grumby. It's okay Gummly. Good old gummy. Gummy. Gummy. See what's right? It's okay Gummy. Oh, Guss. Good boy Gummy. Well, gosh. I was always posh over the way that John Claude called me bouquet. It sounded fancy. Well, that was early days.

We've been throwing lots since then. H? You're new way to. You have no idea. That was pretty fucking scared. That guy fucking died. Maybe it was a trick. Maybe there's a trap door. I want to run up.

Is it still on fire, though? Can we see him like smoldering in it? Oh, he's been completely consumed. And I would say that it was obvious that as soon as he was consumed, then it all went up the castle and win up the parapets in the towers to create this great fortress of flame

like Bowser's Castle in World 8. Oh, wow. I rush up to see if there's a trap door. A giant hand grabs Grumly and pulls him into another world. A trap door in what way? So basically I'm waiting to run up and then turn around and he's up at the top of the theater

to be like, oh, here I am. Oh, no, Pantamagena. You run up. Is that you dead? And as your sword is a blaze, and as you run up, the flames part, almost like,

almost on command, and they still are roaring, but they parted, and you feel the heat against your fur. You're probably panting a little bit more on account of being a pug, being around fire is actually not very good for you.

Especially in your heavy, your heavy plate armor. You're plate armor. You're panting. You're panting. You're getting convection baked. As you see, as the flames part, you see no... You see no...

There's not like a comical pile of ash. There is no pile of ash here. But the flames are parted for you. Oh. Wait, when he drew a sword... In presence of the sword. He had had it, and that's how he hacked through the trees in order to get here. That's right.

So, I guess my question was, like, did she ever re-sheet the sword? Or when he pulled it back out, it flamed again? When he pulled it back out... out in the garden. Basically almost to be beckoning him. Okay, Gromley, what do you see, buddy? I mean, the flames seem to be at your command, your will,

in front of this amazing sword you have. The flames are parting for me. But could you see this? I know. It's unbelievable. I can't believe what I'm seeing. I'll say, is this like a pyrotechnic thing still? Not me, though. I mean, Mr. Gardner, are you still here?

Are you are you in a box? I think they say sometimes you're the man on stage and sometimes you end up in the box Are you neither mr. Gardner I think he's dead guys well can we proceed farther I'm gonna run up to you get closer to you and then I mean can we proceed in do we feel like we could go I mean with the with your sword we should just be able to Paltz right in the flame parts for me that's right unless it parts for everybody maybe someone can check to see if it's like a special me thing I am not gonna test that Bixie, you're a chosen one. I'll say you have that dagger as well. Maybe if you brandish your blade, it'll pop for you as well.

Okay. I'll walk up with the dagger. You do. And as you walk up, you follow behind Grumley, and Grumley has seemingly, by stepping forward, has parted the flame. And you all have a full path into this, which now is dancing with shadows stretching across this grand foyer as flames roar around as the heat increases.

How do we know if it's the dagger or the sword or we're both right here? I don't know. Should you put your sword away? We might get destroyed by fire. I don't want that happened. Maybe we just both walk through together just to really guarantee, make it a done deal. Sure thing. you guys going to come with?

Yeah, I'm ready. Okay, I'll lead the way. Or we'll lead the way. You lead the way. Oh, oh, say, I'll light your path. Oh, okay, you'll lay you my path. No, no, no, you say, you lead the way, I will lie your path. You leave the way, I will light your path.

Oh, if the gardener was here, he would have said a cooler. Stand behind me. So wait, is this, this is the way to the toboggan guy, the wizard, the wizard of wood? What, what? Is that way, aren't we going to a wood wizard or something? Well, no. Wait, what are we doing here, by the way? I think Bitsch had a dream of a giant, like, luge track from, from the castle to, or.

It's a winter sport. Okay. And we get there through, through all this weird fire in the, the smoldering human face. Well, Bitsy had a vision. of two paths to the same place. One is complicated and threw lots of stuff, and the other was direct, and you just walked right there. I don't know anything about that.

I thought the Luzes was a museum. Well, let's go. I'll start to walk forward. And I'll have my sword, and I'll kind of be, like, slicing it. Is there fire on either side? Oh, yeah. It can be miracles when you believe. I'm going to stick really close to my mom.

I'm not like bumping on them, but if I stretch my arm out, I'd be able to get my full wing. It's hard to do. My full wing. And I continue making Prince of Egypt references as I... Make a reception track or grumly.

I'll be honest to you, Jean-Claude. I feel like we're becoming very useless very quickly. Am I sniffing at all? No. You've been giving me advantage. I don't have that on my jurisdiction. I'm not going to do that anymore. 15.

15. As you lead your companions, into this castle, you see as the fire is roaring all around, it's going up the sides of this chamber. You see the shadows being cast, and you see them getting more and more spindly branching off into antlers for a moment,

and then turning into just a bit of a statue or a bit of a pillar, and that was a trick of the light. as you were past the statue that we saw, right? Of the stag. Did we see a statue? Yes, yes.

If you cared to inspect it. Well, was that outside or was that inside? That was outside. I mean, I would have inspected. Just, you know, just in the past. It looks like if I could have gleaned anything from it. You, you look, you had seen that this castle was covered in statues of draconic figures. long serpentine necks,

lashing tongues, great wings. Some of it has been chipped and crumbled, but there's no way that it should be in this level of, it is in disrepair. But for how old this looks, it looks like it should be a pile of rubble. Do we know what a dragon is? I think that you would know from the tails.

In the tails, of course. Ah, the tails of course. Wow. Oh. Oh. Do you think dragons are real, Booker? Well, um, I don't know. That's a tough question.

I think that, uh, you know, there are a lot of stories pass it down from one generation to the next, where some of those things are very real, and some of them are tales that have, uh, uh, been embellished over the years and over the generations, so it's, it's hard to tell. What do you think? I would like to see a dragon one day. I think that would be a truly terrifying experience. But wetherous. How big are dragons? Um, would I have any idea from the tails, of course?

How large dragons might be. I was seeing you even roll for it as a wandering minstrel. Yeah. The tails and the songs. Of course. That they're very large. Sometimes they're just a little bit bigger than a human, and they're voiced, there's two heads and voiced oddly, one by Eric

Idol and one by Dom Rickles. And it's kind of an odd. Different dialects. Yeah, yeah. It's really odd that they're the same being with two heads, but they have different dialects. It's quite odd. Well, Peggy, according to the songs and the tales, of course. They are massive creatures. Wondrous creatures. Like two, maybe

three John Claude's? Much bigger. Oh, shit. Monstrous even. So as big as these statues. Would they even see us then if they were flying above? would be like specs? Maybe. I don't know. That's a great question. I gotta say, I feel

if we were to encounter dragons, that would be the least odd thing we've seen in the last two weeks here. I mean, Chad is building a wax moon just beyond the other moon. I miss... I feel like a couple of dragons flying around. It would be a normal day. Miss my boy. That's allegedly.

I say, Peggy, can you confirm that? We only believe that allegedly. Oh, yeah, I'm confirming it right now. Well, I know. It's confirmed. I know. Penny says that, but perhaps she got into more deadly. Okay, wait a minute here. He told you he was talking to

literal God and you didn't doubt that for a second. Oh, I doubt it. I'm telling you that my wax homunculus son that flew us out of the pits of hell is making a palace on the mountain. Well, I think literal God flew us out of the depths of hell. We had to pledge our

I mean, we all know that was a night here, okay? It wasn't. Not here doesn't fly, Bucca. Not here. My son is still in us. The need to just jump and to just go for it. And then we got out of that horrible place that, what's that stinky old rat's name again? I believe it was Wago.

And look, if it really comes down to it, if you're gonna ask me whether or not I believe in literal God or a wax homunculus making you a wax moon behind another moon, it's not even close. It's the wax moon thing. Thank you. At least somebody has- The idea of literal God is insane.

Oh God, Book has got a head on the moon. Say the only idea you need to spell nonsense, okay? The only reason this came up, in the last two weeks we've encountered a rat, who says, who loves pitch, and says death reigns here. We met a lord of death. Riders take to the sky,

bringing about the apocalypse. Chad, Peggy's illegitimate, sir? Well, excuse me. Oh, I swear. Virgin of birth, I say, Father,

Father unclear. Someone's listening. Well, I don't know how you label such a name. Well, I don't think the father's uncreerate. Okay, building a wax moon. What do you think I am? Beyond the other moon. And all I'm saying is, I think a dragon would be a nice change of pace.

And all I'm saying is everything that you mentioned just now, out of all of it, the least believable is that literal God can grant the powers to fly. Oh, and I bet you believe it was not yet. No, with your bitch flippers. Literal God cares about your immortal soul, but the idea of a moon hiding behind another moon that we've never seen, and it doesn't make any sense. It worked in the film Melancholia

because that was more of an allegory. This is real life, Booker. Grumly, I have to politely disagree with you. I have to politely disagree. The whole two moons thing, that's just science. They also did it, and you will be witness. Oh, I never saw that. No, not very many people did.

It wasn't very popular. They go to Wendy's in that? Patreon by Dom slash Legends of Ventress, exclusive campaign. Are we done having this conversation? You guys sure know a lot. You guys have been through all kinds of adventures and seen all kinds of stuff.

I'm done with you, Bixie. You're not going to say. You apologized to Bixie. I'm not apologizing. Honestly, what it's going from? At this point, Jean-Claude and I are, with the odd guys out here, all right? Like, you don't even need us anymore

between the three of you. You're all these incredible, fantastic, amazing. You've got a sun made of wax. You're the inventor of the universe. You're getting sucked up into the sky to an orchestral accompaniment. She's collected 16 different celestial artifacts that will certainly allow her to ascend to God. Whisper two by best.

And my best friend in the whole world has become the right hand of some immortal deer king. I can't believe. It wields a flaming sword and no longer killed. People who passes judgment apart. And I lost my banjo in episode two, and I never got it. back, huh.

But, it comes out, okay? Because you are filled with fish of an unknown origin. And I gotta get him out. I'm scared, Peggy. And you... I'm real scared. You have a really cool brother. So I think...

Damn, that was savage. I think that we all need each other. May he rest in peace. I don't know. Did he die? Look, it's not really... He was haunted by his brother, allegedly. All I'm saying is that if we meet the gardener

and he didn't just turn into a pile of ash and die, a pyrotechnic accident, then I have to try to convert, to try to get my wriggling guts in order. And if it kills me, I'm not gonna be upset. I kind of think I might have the fish thing too. No, I think you might. But I also- He did kiss me on the mouth. I also know something you've done that nobody else has done.

Well. You have shit in a guy's desk. Well, I'll say- I think you then. And should we ever need someone to evacuate themselves into another man's desk? I can confirm that Chon-Quat is not the only person has ever done me.

I also feel like, Peggy, that's actually something that's extremely accomplishable by just about any person in this party. I don't know. I mean, hell, we're putting that in a closet and shit himself in an instant. I mean, a desk is just a smaller closet. Really anyone. Yeah, you've read the tails, have you not, Peggy? Tails. Everybody poops.

The tails. That's true. Everybody does poop. Everybody poops. Yeah, it's unavoidable. It's unavoidable. If you don't poop, then you die. Yeah.

Yeah. I once thought that not everybody pooped. But then when I read the tales, I learned that everybody does indeed poop. Do you think Chad poop? Don't they just vomit? Oh, that's a good question. Peggy, does Chad poop? Well. The tails do say everybody, but does he count as body?

I would assume so. It's not like Chad's. Chad's my boy. Just like everyone else. He's a good boy. I'll say, doesn't he just kind of shed his waxy form, though? Almost like a snake in which he molts. That's wild. Can we get away from these flames? Okay, would it make you feel better if I gave you a legendary epic weapon? I, yes, but I don't think that's wise.

Especially if I do have fish in me at the moment and like, like, like, gets his grips on or something, it could be bad. What if something else gets their grips on it? What if somebody uses their super magic abilities and they latch onto those fish and then manipulate them inside of you in? Like I said, I'll just throw myself. in the fire. There's only one way they could...

There's only one place they could come out and it'd be terrible for you. Call it once. No, I think that... That's why I made that joke last, last, last session. Anyway, I think you getting an epic legendary weapon would cheer you up, I don't think that's wise. I think that...

You don't think so? I think that Bitsy was meant to have them, and I think that if anyone else were to touch them, they might die instantly. Well, I said, what kind of weapon we were talking about? Well, I don't know. You're, like, shooting weapons, and you're, like, stabbing weapons? Or you, like, just like general power. I was, what are you talking about? You don't have a weapon in mind?

You have like a, like a artillery of weapons. I just woke up and I got all this shit in this fucking sack. Are you going to give one to Jean-Claude too, or is it just for Booker? I was just offering for Booker. You seem like you were fine. You can shit on a desk. I say anybody can't sit in a desk, Bidsey. It's not that special. It takes a certain kind of man with a certain kind of heart. You just have to understand how to drop trial. Wait, you have, are there multiple legendary weapons in that bag?

I don't know, I haven't gotten all the way to the bottom. Can I see? I start to pull things out of the bag and, unless you stop me, I'll just start listing legendary weapons. She doesn't feel cold all of a sudden? I pull out a giant sword with like a skull on it with blue ruins that light it up. Holy crap, where did you get that? What about this one, Booker? This is really cool. I really don't think I should be touching these things.

I just, you know, if I'm tainted, it could be real bad. It... It says frost maurne on it. And as you pull it out, you realize that Bitsy somehow had a beautiful ice culture, and all of the flames instantly melted. And it turns to lukewarm water in your dance. It was a frost sword. It was an ice sword. It was made of literal ice.

Oh, that's a shame, yeah. I think we just gotta find the gardener. Oh, yeah. So wait, we're finding, does the gardener have anything to do with the wood wizard? We're not sure yet. I'm hoping it'll lead to the next portion of our epic journey. I think the gardener is also sick. You know, I've had an idea.

He might be. They went up in that pyrotechnics accident. He was right outside. Is that what happened? Well, I think he was trying to do something cool, like set off a cool flame thing in front of the gallery. You didn't set up? You think he didn't read the instructions for how to light a fire firework. John and Claude make it

for a second check a disadvantage. I didn't see a comical pile of ash though. So I'm not convinced he's dead. Think about how hot those flames. It would be tragic, truly. Booker, do you know the heat that would be required to atomize bone? Let alone the time.

How do you know that you required to atomize? It's actually what is that? Perception disadvantage. It's not as hot as you would think it is. my aunt Gertha died by by random combustion. It's called something else, but it's combustion.

Yeah, thank you, spontaneous combustion. Spontaneous combustion. And the only thing, the only thing they found next to her was a, was a lit cigarette, and she was just completely atomized. It's just magically spontaneously combustive. But the cigarette was okay? It was okay. And there was not a lot of her newspaper collection

that lit of the ground, that was okay as well. Completely unharmed. Her heart flammable. Tweed blanket was and it was awful too because I was supposed to inherit that tweed blanket, but it's just gone. And what about her, one of her oil lamps

and all of her oil reserves? As soon as you say oil reserves, John Claude, you don't notice this, but as you're talking, the rest of you see the shadows cast throughout this foyer and, or this great hall. And suddenly you see,

see a shadow almost start to coalesce behind Jean-Claude as it takes a shape. Oh my gosh, noir d-d-d-d-d. It takes a silhouette with two arms and two legs as suddenly it grabs on to Jean-Claude with clawed with clawed hands. That's going to be a, that's going to be a 26 to hit. That hits. Hall out. Oh, so close. We've been adding those in a while.

I know. Just missed it. Just misses. Oh, garsh. That's from the old times. Do we have like a 24 AC? You're going to take 14 points of slashing damage. As you then feel,

then feel suddenly. That's a lot. That's a lot. Get ready to garble some more salt water. And you are grappled as the shadow grabs you. And you feel the shadow behind you

as it grabs your arm. And I need you to make a constitution and saving throw. That's something. We got our cock! Stop it! That was like, oh God.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Oh, no, it's turning into the tree and go slide again. Oh, I'm not feeling about this. Oh. I think I'm about to have a talk. I certainly hate to be involved in terrible accident.

I hope no shadows grab me next. Is this tall, dark, shadowy figure, want to wrap his arms around me? Oh, no. What's terrible tragedy? Oh, not good. Ten. Ten. Your arm snaps.

As the shadow suddenly instantly disappears and slithers away. As your arm, you are disadvantaged on all attack rolls. You can't hold or any or manipulate any objects with your right arm. Jack Claude!

I am completely out of spell slots model. I have nothing. What do we witness? I would say this will happen? I would say make a group insight check. Oh, I don't even have dice. Yeah, I got a lot of a D20. I'm going to type dice.

I'm going to assume that I don't. It's behind me, so I'm going to assume that I don't answer that. No, no, no. Insight? Yep. Oh, pretty good. Pretty fucking good. Seven. 17. Roalded a natural six, so no. Eight.

Not good. You're the only one who recognizes this. That's really. You see the shadow, is it a living shadow? Is it the king? No. You see a reptilian face and a tail, and you could have sworn that that shadow was cast

by the gardener. Really? What the heck? The one who, converted your father to this strange cults. Are you still conscious? I thought I can try it. Yeah. Okay.

If I see this happen, I'm gonna be like, oh, that's, holy smokes. Did you see that? That was a gardener. The shadow looked at the gardener. Oh, my God. I put Soul Edge from Soul Calibur back into my pack. No, I wasn't watching. What happened?

Some shadow, like, came out of nowhere and, like, formed a being that looked like the gardener. Oh, God, look at this army. We go to the woodwinds. What are you going to do about it? I think, I'll think, Peggy. I'm just going to deal with the fact that I have a broken arm. I can't do a daggone thing.

You think I could help? With your herbal pollsters, you're going to rub something on me? 26 bosses, bitch. We could break the other ones so you're not lopsided. We could, we could break the other ones. I'd say, take your hand. A magical healing cream, but I do not have. this. I'm gonna use hand of healing as I as a magic act and expend one focus points to restore

1d6 plus three. Six you get nine healing points as I endeavor to heal what is wrong with you. Guys I don't want to cause panic but I'm pretty sure that that was the gardener in like shadow form. Oh say it's time to panic, Booker. Shadows are leaping out of us and breaking people's arms. And there's a top to panic. Well, to be fair, only one shadow, allegedly a shadow has left down. This is like the literal God thing, am I right? Allegedly shadows are jumping out, breaking arms. But it's only having to you, the rest of us, fine.

Between your dagger and your flaming sword, I think you could hold the shadow at bay, all right? Just like, we got to stay close. Don't let that thing get close with the flames. Your light will keep the shadows at bay. Maybe it's a test, and we just have to break all of our arms in order to I am not doing that. But if that was the gardener, isn't he a good guy?

I don't know. Why would he do that to Mr. Chandra Claire? Does he have a name other than the gardener? Not that we know all the time. Why are you trusting someone who doesn't even have a real name? Because I got worms in my guts, Paggy. I got fish in my guts. I didn't need a cool voice and they said a bunch of cryptic stuff.

Well, now you've got fish in your guts and you've got a broken off. If you met him, you'd be like, dang, he was pretty cool. Maybe his name was, I didn't Betsy say his name was like Fegre Reynolds Deneur and he just goes by I don't know mr. Deneur I don't know because I was on the moon at the time oh you were you're right no you were on the moon so all of this stuff that's happening right now I really don't understand any of it well mr. Deneur are you there mr. dinner okay yeah let's calm down everybody we we we're not

We're not trespassing, we're just, we're here looking for help. I'll say, if that is you, what the heck? Yeah, come on, you know us. We're cool, man, we're cool. Oh, why'd you break my arm? Let us know if that was like just a prank. That's just a prank, bro. Maybe a very funny. Maybe persuasion chuck.

We won't be mad. We won't be mad if it was just a prank. I'm not persuasive. I'll say rolling dice with my left hand. It's so much word. I got a 24. Sixth. With persuasion 24.

Oh, persuasion. Yeah. Oh, 15. 21. 21. 21 is less than 24. Sean Claude. What the heck? You, once again, as you're all looking around, suddenly the shadows pool. And in an instant, that same reptilian shadow appears and you hear something in your... Behind me? Behind you. You hear something in your ear. Haunted one. Bring her in death.

Bringer of Death, Abomination. And he's going to make a clawtack. Oh, you're so comfortable. Yeah, no, that's going to hit. That's a 28. That is going to be, it's only 11 points of slashing damage. You're grappled.

Constitution saving throw for me. This is awful. Did we long rest? Yes. Okay, so we have all of our stuff. You guys long rest. After Big Net. You should have every 17 on this concept.

17 isn't enough. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. I know we did. The limb snaps.

Oh my God. Which one? Your leg. Left or right? Left. Oh, no. Your speed is halved, and you've recreated. If you take the dash action, you must succeed as a DC-15-distery saving.

I'm hiding behind Grumbley. I'm hiding behind Grumlin. Can I try to like flail my sword near the shadow, or is it gone already? It's using its bonus action to blinking teleport away. Oh. Before it's active.

I put the proton pack from Ghostbusters back into my pack and I woke up. What happened? What happened? Oh, say that. This is something like you. Oh, I say it was. He said, Honed one bringer. I like you.

I said, no, he does not. Conversation when we first met. He called you the haunted one? I'll say, he called me the haunted one. I don't know. So maybe it's just you. Maybe you're the only one who's abruptly. I'm saying, go out, whoa, what's the second time?

Make a perception check. I'd be honest. I would be asking. Hurry, everyone. Let's dash down the hallway to get away. I'll say, hang on. 23. 23.

You see the shadow starting to pool towards you. You feel like you have a moment to act as... I calmly, I roll out of the way, and I use my eyes. eye flames and I very calmly just like sidestep no no I see I hmm oh shit and I I launch myself out of the way to get away from this make an acrobatics check but the thing is unfortunately the way that the shadow attacks is he does this and he just and I miss time it oh you roll and then he got to do it I'll make an acrobatics check or actually make dexterity saving throw every elvenny saving throw yeah we'll say it's always the

the delayed attacks that get me. That saving girl, you say. Uh-oh. I got a seven, because I got a natural one. Oh, jeez. I'm gonna get away. As you hear a voice, please don't. As the voice, you hear a voice.

I'm not doing anything. The demon that curses you, your hunger will be your undoing. As. I'm not hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. The, gonna make an attack roll. that's gonna be a 20, yeah, over 20 to hit.

Ooh, damn. Just, just, just, just, just, you. 15 points of slashing damage. Holy fuck. And this gravel, make a con saving throw for me. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez.

Con saving throw? Yep. I'm not good at that. You're about to get Prometheus. I got to dwell. Your leg snaps. Ah! Kill me.

Just fucking kill me. I'll say it's okay. My leg goes like this. They're kidding. Probably just. I'm gonna have my misery. I can't move. I put it back in America's shield back into my pack.

I race over to Booker and I, um, I moved the puck back from the bottom of his knee up. I'll come back into place. I will spend another focus point. I fall in everywhere. You get additional seven points of healing as I use hand of healing. Oh. How much seven healing?

Yeah, seven healing. Oh, God, it's not gonna be enough. Grumling. Are you, make it intimidate, intimidation or persuasion check? Oh, probably persuasion, please, please, please. I'm probably better persuasion if I were to guess. We're gonna say, I probably should be fishing than that, huh?

18. 18. 18, you see as the shadow is starting to pool around Booker's arm. As you make your plea and it suddenly slinks away and disappears. Please, Booker, this is what you get. for crying wolf and lopping that whole episode where you had a broken leg when mechanically you did it. You did. You did you. Why? Why are you jinxed it? I'm going to stand up and I'm going to be like, you know, just waving my sword around and do I feel like it's working? I would say that as you cast the flame, the shadow is pushed back and you realize that there is something,

in the word that you have in order that it's not, the shadow isn't, doesn't have its gaze on you. Okay guys, you gotta find a way to convert on right now. I'll say, we were trying. I'm saying, ask him why I keep showing up and instead of just attacking us like normally, just shows up and breaks our arms. Okay, I have, I have an idea, but do you,

do the two of you trust me? You can't send out me right now. I can't do this without consent, unfortunately. Just lightly on fire, please. Can we just move from the shadow killing spot? You watch? As I am like digging my fingernails into the stone as I'm trying to pull myself toward the flames.

All you have to do is convert to the Lord of Light. What's his name? The Lord of Flame and Shadow. Close enough. Please. We just want to convert, please. What do you want? I say shadow creatures.

What is it going to take? Why didn't keep showing up and breaking our limbs? Oh, my God. You got 50 beside of me. You got almost all of me. I got very little left, please. And you realize as the flame is getting, it's starting to get hotter in this antechamber

or this great hall, I suppose. As you see the statues of the dragons, it almost appears as if they are breathing the flames themselves, pouring down the walls. And that, although the flames are getting more out of control, the room seems to be getting darker as the shadows spread and dance, and they almost start to choke out the light

as they gather around you as it seems if grumly waves a sword that is pushing back the shadow, as it seems to gain control in, Stay away! Bitsy. Make a reception check for me. I don't know, I've been rolling threes and fours. Better? Six.

You feel like there is, you feel like there is, there are multiple different hallways out. And, but they seem to all be engulfed in flame. Bixie, you drop Thunder Fury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker.

Does she say Thunderblade, President Blade, of the Windseeker? Oh, Robert, please. I just said Thunder Fury Blessed Blade of the Windseeker. Why are you guys talking about Funner Fury Blessed Blade of the Windseeker? Because Pitsy just dropped Thunder Fury Blessed Blade of the Windseeker. Austin, when did you get Thunder Fury Blessed Blade of the Windseger in your bag? I don't know, okay?

Brumley, please, I'm scared. You don't know what, Bitson? You know what Bitsy's taking Ivy sword from Soulcala? Brumley, please, I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm going to die here. I got you. You're going to get the showers away. I'm going to... How am I gonna...

If I'm gonna try to grab you with one arm... Yeah, for sure. Or at least, like, carrying you. Making athletics, I get an advantage. Yeah. But you... Hey, I only got two broken limbs, grumpet. But sure, help book.

All right, Bitsy. He's my best. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. You're good with pulse to... What is it?

Athletics? I rolled a natural one and a natural 20. 27. 27. You are able to grab him with one arm and carry him. As the flames start to get hot, I mean everyone to make a Constitution saving throw disadvantage. Oh, geez, I'm cut. Quite literal. Oh, I definitely fail. I got a 16. I also win a 16. My low roll was a 14. If you got under 15, you take a level of exhaustion. Oh, geez.

Con, you say? Yeah. Con, yep. a disadvantage. I love that for me. I just don't understand why we have, why we're making such a big, oh. Oh, God, it's really hot

in here. He's depressing. Peggy, come here, and I'll sort of like, with my sore hand, but not she fit. If I can try to manage that. I'm really trying hard

not to be offended, grumman. Making athletics check great. I've shown her for a long ago. I don't know. I'll just go. All over. to Grumly dramatically.

We were co-stars in Sam Ramey's Root, exclamation, part. That's pretty good. Athletics, 26. You grab Peggy, and Jean-Claude is having a really hard time. Good, good football. Come on, everyone. Let's go. But you are able to keep the shadows at bay as they seem to be going towards Booker and Jean-Claude.

No! No! Feed John Klott to the shadows. Get out of here! I was like, once in a two-piece combo. We're faster than me. Go out of here. See him to the shadow, please.

No, I'm coming. And save us. Feed him to the shadows. Grumly, I need you to make a perception check-in advantage for me. Perception, eh? I'll sniff it out. 20.

Nice. You look around and you hear a voice in your head. You don't need me to tell you where the heart is. And you're not sure if it's a memory. But you look

around with all of these great statues of dragons and you almost feel pulled in those directions, but then you realize that there is an effigy and stone on one side of the wall. And it's in the shape of a heart, a blade.

and there is a stone door in between that heart, or rather at the center of that heart. And you realize that that symbol was emblazoned on the effigy of the great king outside, the one that spoke to you in the flames. Wait, do we see it here? It's in this room.

Yeah, because there's a great statue's inside, but you realize that on one side of the wall, there's the shape of a heart in the wall, and there's actually a single doorframe. And the heart is on the door. There's a great, on the wall, it's a huge heart. Oh! And there's a door at the floor in the center of this heart.

Find a sacred. Come on, bitchy, I got you. And I'm right. If I could. carry Bitsy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Okay. I'll say Binty, no way, don't put me down.

Am I at disadvantage? With exhaustion? If I'm helping. No, you're just making it straight. So I'm making it straight. Perfect. Uh, 19. You're able to scoop up Bitsy on your back.

You got, I dropped, I drop John Claude because I was trying to lift him and carry him, and he falls onto his arm. And then very awkwardly, I reach out from, forgetting that I have the dagger in my hand. I stab him a little bit. Bithsey, roll 2D10. Oh my God. 2d10? Yeah. It's going to be 12. As soon as you land on your arm, you take 12 force damage. Oh, no way. Leave him. This was his destiny. He's fine. Wait, Mr. Sean Decliffe. I'm sorry.

Even though Bitsy wasn't in Sam Ramey's route, aka Vagabond's heart, she was at least in season one of uprooted. I had to. She's hardly, I've got to save her. Everyone close your eyes except for John Claude. I'm reading my hand down to try to reactivate John Claude. Remember, if you have exhaustion, that affects your death saving throws. Oh, thank you. Oh my God, does it?

Yes. Okay. You're doing that. Bitsy. I bring my hand down. I slam my palm against his chest to try to bring him back online and with my

remaining hand of mercy. Those Mace haters, you're eating Walt Mike. Yeah, those Mace haters. Another nine points of damage flow through you as inferior blood. In his chest. Well, I killed him.

He's bad. You tenderized. Oh, well. Mished input. Missed input. happen to anybody. Yeah, so you're gonna cute John Claude. John Claude, apparently your wound is healed.

Yes, I heal John Claude. That doesn't heal the leg of the arm, is it? No, no, no, no, I can't actually fix the broken bone. For like three seconds. I accidentally stabbed you and then I punched you in the heart and now your Bems are still broken, but we gotta get through that door, so come on! I'm in Grumley's arms, and I look down to John Clot and go,

come on, hurry up. What are you being so lazy for? Come on, Mr. John, to carry everyone else through the door. Yeah, we all go through the doors. I'll say, you know, maybe it's spot on your leg there. I could just, oh. It's so sad. Oh, that's a good idea. Just grab on if you can.

Oh. You got it? You got it? Oh, your calves are too thick. Oh, hold on, I can't get it. Oh, my, I think about my hands are governing blood. I'm slipping on and sliding all over the pisses. Bitsy, why?

You find stairs. Oh, look it up the stairs. Can you stop complaining for one second? No! You are such a wild bitch. I've got three times in the last two days, one of which was where I'm Bintzies. For one time, just do something. How to fix you a problem.

Booker? I'll say you are my bed around. relationship with your father. It's very hurtful. No, it's not. It's the truth. We don't have time to unpack that. Get up.

Get up. Get up. A wrong moment. With one on and I'm going to fall out of the edge. I'm still just being carried by the only. One of those open floor plans. You and your damn thick calves and these bloody palms of my heart. Wow, there sure are a lot of them.

A lot of them. Just stay still. And I'm going to take my 50 feet of hemp and rope. And I'm going to tie. the rope around his torso and then tie it around my waist so that I can basically drag it. I go up the stairs like this. Every bolt would be agonizing. So I can pull him up the stairs.

That's good. The stairs are going down. Oh, easy. Oh, easy. Roll them. You, John Claw, as you are dragged down the stairs, You feel a grip, a grip around your non-broken leg. Make it permanent this time.

As Grumly turns around in the last minute and you finally see razor sharp teeth of a lizard-like maw, shriek back. And you can't tell as you can't tell as you. look up into the statues in this great hall, was that a dragon? Or was it your horrible tormentor? The one who called you haunted and bringer of death. As you stumbled down the stairs, Grumley, I need you to roll a D10 for me. Oh my god. Just don't roll a nine or ten. Eight. You take eight points of force damage. As you make it down. I would have called a shot.

He's all out of feathers. He's got like three feathers left. He's like a plugged jiggin. So with the slack in the room, he's just on a stair. I walked him down like three steps and then pull him and it's like, and then it turns. Yeah, yeah, there's actually 50 feet each time. And so he gets pulled down each landing as you go deep beneath the castle. Torjohn Kalan.

Until the stairs end in a hallway that opens, and you feel a red-hot glow from beyond at the very edge of this door. And you make your way out into a subterranean chamber, and you feel the heat blasting you as you see a large, rocky, press, go out, it's no longer carved of this ancient stone building of whatever craftsmen. How many hundreds or thousands of craftsmen would have taken to build this castle?

This almost seems to be natural as the large rocky precipice that ends in a point looks over what can only be described as a massive lake of fire. several dozen feet below you as the feet blasts up. Well, I don't know if this was the right way, guys. I think we have to go the other way. This is extremely unfortunate, everyone. Stairs again, gruel. And there you're an errant rock in my path.

No, this must be the way. What if we just throw Jean-Claude in and test it? I'll say, let it be so. Let it be so, but I'm in so. The load of war. told me this was the way. He said, find the heart. The heart, find the heart?

Yeah, yeah, and that, and it was above the door. That's why he went down this way. But there's not like here with a lake of fire. What do we do? I don't know. What is? Try your sword, Fing, see if. Oh, maybe it'll part again.

And you look down below you, and the flame does not react. It's probably, you know, a couple dozen feet below you as it roars up and bubbles. And you're not sure, is this a lake of fire on magma? It doesn't feel like that, but it almost seems to be congealing as shadows are cast all around this chamber. That feels like the heart of this castle. And you almost hear, you feel as the flames pulse, you hear a thump-thump. Thump, thump.

Perhaps this is where the heart is. Like an actual heart or like a metaphysical one? You know, it wasn't very clear, Booker. I'm not sure. So is this, uh, is this where the wood wizard is? Oh, shit. We can't get to find that guy. You know, Becky. One ball in a time.

We won't find him until we get to the top of the mountain that doesn't exist. Look over in our quest log And I look to the left side at my screen with all the quests The little circle next to the side quest It's like kind of a dotted line and not a circle line So it's optional so I think we're good I think we're good I think we're in the right place

I'm gonna like kneel down Forgetting that everyone's in my hands I'm ready to just like roll off I'm 50 feet of hemp and rope behind you I'll put everyone down. Um, Lord, Lord of war.

Is this where I needed to go? Is this where the heart is? How do I save my friends? Make a charisma religion check. Oh, What the fact? Charisma religion check. Uh, would that be?

18. Hear a voice. Is it a memory? I still need her. Bixie, Witts, you're a key to all this. What? I think he,

I think he wants you to have a baptism of flame in the wake of fire. I hear voices. Again. Well, I mean, I'm pretty sure that the voices are like totally real this time. And like legit. Can we like throw something in and sacrifice it or whatever? Like, I don't... Yeah, John Claude.

We can test it with him first. No, that's cruel. He seems like he's in so much pain. I think I have it. At this point, it's just cruel. I can taste color, and I'm seeing three buckets. I think I have a traumatic brain into it. Almost certainly.

I didn't think this happened before the stairs, but the stairs really did me in it. Do you smell burnt feathers? I wasn't sure. Do you smell burnt feathers? I wasn't sure. No, I thought that was a... We all know.

We all know. We all know. We all know. We all know. We all right. I take one more point of damage. I die. But I die again.

Vitsy, roll a D6. Oh, no. Four. Four. As you realize no one's picked up Jean-Claude, you're dragging them across a subterranean volcanic chamber

as the heat ignites his flame. You take four points of fire damage. As... I hate you! That's so good. He was supposed to be my brother. As Bidsey, you barely... I'm basically to leak of fire.

I don't even see this. Yeah, you are able to get it out. John Claw, make a death saving throw for him. Everyone close your eyes. Okay. Let everyone open your eyes. I don't think I can heal him again unless someone tries to punch me in the face.

Why do you know what he mean? John Degraer. He's out. Why do we have to punch you in the face? Because I can't re-roll from, focus points unless I roll for initiative. Is he okay? Of course. Of course.

Uncated metabolism. Well, that's why I carry around this bag of rats, you bintzy bunchet. Go for initiative. Can I roll for initiative against the rats? Are we just make way more problems of solving.

You pull out, they're not rats. Yeah. They're, um, Termites. As you have large termites, as you fling them at Bitsy, as they all start to ravenously bite into her. Bissie. Yeah. I mean, I need you to roll for an issue. Fucking perfect. You get a special action. I get a dirty 20. I use uncanny metabolism. You get a special action. I get all.

my focus points back. Oh, and I regate it. It's healed, too. That's exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I heal nine. That's really cool. I'm sorry, that's a seven. And so I, first I'll take out the termites with my first. Well, you need to roll for initiative. What do you get from your initiative? Dirty 20.

Okay, you'll go first. Okay. I will he's going to have to roll death saving problem every six seconds how do you play monks I don't know how to do this I'm bits of it I'm going to punch all of the termites how many termites can I punch in one punch

it's a swarm mechanically oh okay I will punch the I will punch the swarm It's a here take and do a flame of the west I don't have top of that I just start slapping and that's going to be a 22 to hit. 22 to hit. Everyone roll for initiative, please, while we do this.

This is great. I do eight points of damage, and I will use a focus point. Eight points, okay. To do fury of blows. Don't laugh, Mickey. That's not funny. It's really dead right now. To make two more unarmed strikes as a bonus action, that's certainly going to miss, and then I'll have another 22, so I will do an additional

six points of bludgeoning damage to the swarm on top of what my initial damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So it was eight plus what? Sorry. Eight plus six, so for a total of 14. 14. As you're smashing these termites, as the termites that grumbling through you are tearing into you, they're going to attack you. I said punch to the face! What the fuck is this? 18 to hit.

18 to hit? Yes, that hits. Okay. It just meets it. It just meets it. Barely. Barely. Three, four, eight. Ten points of poison damage. Wow. Good thing I used uncanny. And roll a D6 for me.

A D6? Yep. One. You're blinded. As my... Bought the portal gun from portal. It's absurd. This is so absurd. claw rolls. I know John Claw dies from him. The more of us to die, the better is.

Okay. You're not supposed to make that sound? He did bust. Okay. Okay. Do you want to get? I have 21, furnition. Um, 21?

It doesn't matter anymore. What do you get? I got a four. Four, Grumley? I got a 19. Go ahead. Um, I have a broken leg. My right leg is broken.

I'm like sitting on the ground, and so I'll use half of my movement to scooch kind of like towards Vitsy where. where the termites are and i will attempt to use my raccoon claws to swipe out and and make it an arm strike yeah it's only a plus two to hit scoop them i got 15 to hit uh yeah that'll hit i'll do one d6 slash one slashing damage okay okay take that one terminate grom oh sorry i created this problem

and i'm gonna attack them by getting an attack roll Oh, no. Hold on. Um... Is it actions? 16 a hit? 16 hats? Okay. And then you tell me how much fire, if it does defy fire.

Ooh, max damage on the sword. 15 points of slashing. Okay. And then whatever fire damage they might take. Rule 2D6 for me. 15 plus 11 is 26 points of damage. are able to slash who've been done a number on Bitsy's eyes with their termite venom. Termite venom, that is fucked.

As you kill every last one as Bitsy, you can't see. Where's John Claw? I start feeling around for where I think Jean Clawed is. I can help you now. I can help you. For an initiative, I got the termite. You say John Claw. I'm going to see if I can find him and not fall into the.

the lava pool. Make your reception check at disadvantage. Hotter, colder, colder, hotter. Oh, perfect. That's going to be a nine. A nine. You're getting dangerously close to the

lava snatch. Warmer? Warmer, hotter. How am I supposed to stop her? I can throw acid on her. Yum. No, no, bitchy.

No, no. Turn around. Okay, okay, more more, more more. Okay, I do have four three sixty. You find John Claude at long last. Oh I got you, buddy. I'm gonna use hand of mercy. I'm gonna reach up and I'm gonna hit him directly in the crotch You do and you're you're you're direct hit nice job bincey You gonna be it? John Claude? John Claude are you all right? Bincey's not working what happened? Am I still blind? Fitsy, it's not working.

I can't see, he got right? No, no, he's not answering. He's not answering. I think he's dead. Guys, I think he's dead. Get up, Mr. Schoclare. I would just lay on hands at this one point. Get up, Mr. Schont de Krat.

He's dead? Guys, I think he's dead. He's one point. I perceive if he is living. He died the way he died. Dead. John Flaw is no longer with us. I need to mark my...

He's shuffled off his. mortal coil. There's nothing to do but roll his dead body in the black of the pocket. I start scoishing over to his corpse. No. Yeah. That's all we can know. No, Booker. It's really

unfortunate what happened to him, but... He would have wanted this. I agree. He did tell us to just put him down. Faggie, help me roll his body into the... I'm going to cast... I'm going to cast grease between Jean Conn if he had just

to pass. He starts moving. He's just a little bit. Just a little bit of breakdown. It's a little bit of breakdown. It's getting so hot it's actually starting to like turn into fried chicken. No. No. He's really moving. I'm not going to get to him in time.

He's just going. I can't stop this. What is this? Is that a Ziplong bag of massage oil? Is he really gone? Is he drifting off? Well, I mean, he's going towards the edge. I'm too slow. No, he's definitely.

With this lag, I can't do anything about it. He's going. I'll casually walk and intercept him from the edge. Yeah, you do that. Guys, we can't just let Mr. Chanticleer, like, die forever. Well, I think he's always talking. Do we have a choice? Well, Pitsy died forever just like yesterday.

But didn't some kind of entity bring her back or something? I don't have any more seawater. No. Maybe he'll be back in a minute. He's probably having a nice chast. Do you only have, like, so much seawater? Yeah, it was just a little bit that was left over from, you know, the whole incident. How do you know you don't have any other?

Maybe you just need to pump some more fish into his guts. I start, like, looking through all my bags of stuff. No, no, that's not, no. No, I don't have any seawater. Maybe if you just, like, make out with him, maybe you don't need the seawater. Maybe that's all the text, Boker. All righty, everybody step aside. I'll hold him so he stopped sliding on yield down in the grease.

Listen, I got to be honest with you, though, I think the seawater is what got me into this position in the best place. It was better than him being. Oh, God, guys, I think the rigamar doesn't sit in. I don't, look, I don't think, there's nothing I can do. I don't have an answer to this, Grumby. Look, I'm going to be honest, it kind of feels like you potentially could do something about this. you just don't really want to.

What do you think I can do here? I don't know. You brought Pixie back, didn't you? Yeah, but that's because I had seawater. Like, holy blessed by night year seawater. And now I got fish in my guts. Well, he had fish in his guts anyway. You're not going to make him any worse. Yeah, he's dead, so I don't really...

What are you trying to do you spit his mouth? Can you, like, conjure one of the fish from your guts, maybe, and put it in him? Oh, yeah, what if you spit a fish up? And then we like, I don't know, can we bring fish oil into his mouth and bring him back that way? Give me a minute. Let me just try it. I can help you. Bring him closer. Just bring him a little closer. I can't move over them. My leg's broken.

I'll go over and I'll start sliding him through the grease. Bring him a little closer. All right. As soon as he gets like within range. Oh, he's doing it. Whoa. He's doing what? He's really doing it this time. Who's rigor mortis? No, I think it was Richard Morris, I think he said. I can't, I don't even like think this fish in there.

You're doing it, you're doing it. What is happening? I got nothing. You might need to stick a finger down your throat. Don't worry, I got it, and I'll shoot my tongue down his throat. I have no answer for this. Mechanically, from better perspective, I have. Nothing.

Nothing. I couldn't find anything in there. Oh. Oh. Hold on, hold on. Maybe I got something. I pull the blue- I pull the blue shell out of Super Mario Card out. It slips and falls into the fire. I pull out the golden gun from Golden Eye, and it slips and falls into the fire.

And then I pull out the skull. Bless his weight at the wing. of the skull of, what was his name? Bernie. The bare prophet Bernie, enemy of the cult of the Lord of Flamen Shadow. And I will hold it. Is this that skull thing?

Yeah, it looks like it. Oh. It's just busy. Now we don't need. Bernie. Bernie, I'm interested for this. A arcana. Oh, yeah.

A wisdom arcana. religion or nature here. Religion or Arcana or nature here. Religion or Arcana or both. Either, your choice. Okay, okay, I will. I will do that. 13. 13.

It dies down. It dies down and then you cannot see, but then you see two embers in the darkness. peering at you and then you say you hear then seek out he who shaves the timber he who shaves the timber or shakes the timbre shaves I'm working on it with the speech now there no idea bickie doesn't know which way she's facing but she doesn't know which way she's facing but she threw It tumbles forward.

I don't do this anymore. As the skull tumbles into the flame, and it ignites into a massive pillar of fire that erupts up as it's the fire that raises and bubbles. As you see now, that it's not magma, but the stone of this chamber itself is starting to almost melt. as it's bubbling, as it's lapping up, as these shadows are

casting violently, as you see almost like spider webs spread across this chamber, but they aren't spider webs, they aren't branches, they're antlers, as they all spread across this place, making the chamber look like it's cracked. I can't even begin to understand not to answer that question, Betsy.

Something's happening. What's happening? I wish my eyes were filled with termite my venom. I think we're all going to be entombed here. I think we're going to die. This is it. It's going to collapse around us. Oh, no.

And we're all going to die. They are a death pole. Oh, no. There's like some shadowy antlers on the ceiling, and it kind of looks like cracks, but I think that's pretty much it. I'm not being over. The ceiling's going to cave in.

We're supposed to seek out he who shaves the timber. What does that mean? Shaves the timber? Shaves the timber. Shaves the timber? He shaves it. You heard that. Timber one? I think so. Are you sure

that's what they said? Shaves the timber. What does that mean? Yeah, I mean, so, you know, sometimes you start to grow a little bit in the other regions, and this is the guy they have to shave the timber. Oh, I was going to say, sounds like a euphemism for a hand job. Oh. Maybe we have to find a man named Timber.

No, I think. I think the book might be right. I think we have to find the hand job, man. No, we have to find Timbers Barber. Timbers Barber. The man that shaves Mr. Burr. A barber. All right, well, if we survive this cave-in, then sure.

All right. It's caving in! Oh, it's gonna be in, you know, I missed that bar. Hold on. Let me ask. Game Master, is this chamber actively caving in presently? No. No.

Okay, all right. All right. False alarm. False alarm. There's a lot of screaming coming from the lava lake, I think. The bird guy, he's not doing so hot. No, he's dead. Well, you're screaming in my ear.

Oh, you could hear him screaming? Yeah, when I held this, well, I can hear him now, and I could, I heard him before, and then I heard a deep voice that was like, he who shaved the timbers, seek him out, cast him into the fire. Is there another side to this lake? No, it's basically just a single, rocky, narrow precipice looking out under the lake of fire. Maybe we're supposed to cast John Luke into the, John Clyde into the fucking campaign.

I've been suggesting that for 30 minutes. Well, I tried everything. I don't have any, all the answers. What if that doesn't work though? We can't really undo that. Yeah, we can't really rewind that game today. We can't really take that back. I don't know. We can say takesie back seats. No, well, we can't really like try it and then be like, oh, that didn't work.

Let's try something else. You know what I mean? That's true. That's a very permanent. Look, just save the game right now. Oh, that's all that. Hold on. Game Master, we press control less in the game. In the tails, of course. In the tails, of course.

Can we create a safe state that we can reload? This doesn't work very well. If this was Neon Odyssey and you were still bitlings, I would allow them. Oh, dang. Dang. Oh, man. We're suboptimal species. We're all suboptimal.

Oh, well, I'm blind. I don't know how to solve this problem. Wait. John Cod is dead. Peggy. You create. the universe? Yeah. Can't you create life in Mr. Chanticleer's body? No, I didn't take the cleric. I'm not a cleric. Oh, you're not a cleric? No. Oh, hold on it. Oh, it says you're a wizard, but wizards is actually, I don't know if I noticed it before. Wizard is in parentheses. Oh, not parentheses. In, in, in quotation. Yeah. What are you looking at? What, why do you get into the fire? Guessing the fire.

Cast it into the fire to pass the fire. Did you hear you hear it the first time? Pass one. Cast one into the fire. John Codd. Wait, I don't know why he would refer to it to. Oh, I know. I think he's, I think what he's trying to say is he wants you to cast all of your magical weapons into fire.

All of them? I think so, maybe we could start with Thunderfeeling, blessed to play the Windsor and Did someone say Thunderfleet plus a blade of the windseger? I don't think, I don't think, I don't think tossing Thunder Fury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker into the fire is what we're supposed to do. Because he would have said them. Not it.

Yeah, it's probably a specific thing. Oh, well, we won't know it until we've tried all of them, right? Oh my God, do you think it means a spooky, scary spider clown? Oh, those things scare me. They scare me. All right, uh. I think one by one, you just gotta start tossing everything in. You got like Gilgamesh's armory over there.

All right, let's go on going. Might as well make those cool anime points. Throw in the turret laptop from Perfect Dark. Oh, I love this. Ah, shit. I'll throw in this copy of human morph that I've had since season one. What's a good one? I will say that probably 11 or 12 epic legendary weapons down.

Yeah, they are all gone, melted instantly. Including Chun Lee's thighs. Yeah. Eventually pull out a small rain. And you realize that despite the legendary artifact level weapons that you're throwing in, all of them are melting. as if this fire is almost like incredibly extra melty or something, I don't know. Incredibly extra malty.

Just by random chance, I would have kept going. And as you, as when the bear's cold went and you would have felt the, as the heartbeat, almost shakes this chamber more and more. Eventually, I reach a ring. A very small golden ring. And I'm almost on autopilot at this point, but I cast it into the fire. as the ring that you stole from Grand Alth. I killed them both.

You killed them both. The plunder of your wanton murder sails in, you hear, as the ring crashes into the flame and floats on the top oddly and impossibly and sinks down on. fire, even though it doesn't work like that in science or real life, as it melts slowly. And suddenly the entire chamber begins to shake. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

As the flame starts to burst up and the heat blasts you, everyone make a Constitution Saving throw. As you suddenly see something in the flame. That's a failure. I got a 12. 11. 11. 12. 18. 18.

I rolled a 5 and a 4. Everyone who thought of a 16 or under. Wait, disadvantage or what? Just straight. Oh. It takes another level of exhaustion. I got my first one. Uh-oh.

A statue. Emerges. from the flame. You see an incredibly long snaking neck with a reptilian-like jaw, great rows of horn that split off almost like antlers,

spikes going down, its body as two huge wings arise up, almost forming the shape of a heart itself as a massive statue of a dragon that streaks

that has that seems to have armor atop it with the symbol of a comet on its heraldry rises up as you see that it is roaring and the entire chamber is starting to shake as you realize now that the natural rock formation crashes into the lake of fire and falls down.

Now it's caving in. It's happening. It's happening It's too late. I've already thrown the HK. Mark 23 SOCOM from Metal Gear Solid into the... Oh, it is? Oh, shit. As the walls start to... There's not a full collapse, but it's starting to shake violently as you hear the thump-thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, and as you see this massive... dragon looming over you, this massive statue, you see that its chest is heaving over this precipice.

And it's almost, it's the heart within it is pulsing. It's chest almost pulsing along with the beat of the heart that you feel. And you realize now as the stone formation is falling away and falling away, and falling away, that it almost starts to put out the flame as behind the statue, rising up, almost on a rectangular pillar, seems to be a great mausoleum, a crypt, a sarcophagus, rises up behind this great statue of the dragon, a several dozen feet away.

Whoa! That was that little ring that did all that. Wow. Wow. Unbelievable. I mean, could you imagine that this is what we were going to wake up to today, that this was going to happen? You could have given me at least two or three dozen guesses, and I never would have gone. No, never, never.

So is there, does it now look like there's a pathway? So you look that there isn't a pathway that effectively that the, The chest of this dragon is effectively looming over the rocky precipice like this. And then the mausoleum, the sarcophagus, is effectively on this huge, or this very tall raised pillar behind the dragon. Well, I mean, look, this thing's right here now. The only way through is got to be, you know, either your super legendary knife or your super amazing flaming fire legendary sword. Surely, if you want, you guys wave something around here, this thing's going to just open. Oh, your eyes are still, you still got the termite venom.

Yeah, okay. Made conscience and saving, though. My fault. I forgot, she's still blind. Why didn't we pick termites? I don't know, grumbly. Who said termites? You said termites.

16. The termite venom finally washes away from your eyes. That hurts. Look at this. Look at all this. Look at this amazing thing. Wow. What are you thinking about this?

That's pretty cool. That all happened? I got a couple of questions. Oh, wow, I really get a number on John Claude's crutch. Is the... Yeah. Yeah. Is the Wood Wizard going to be in that monsoon?

Hard to say. Is that where we're going to find masturbation guy? Hard to say. We did that. But Jean-Claude, but I don't know if you've noticed. He's still dead. Well, we're really trying here. We're scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas,

but I think we're getting somewhere. I mean, look at this thing. It's amazing. Yes, but he's still dead. Do you not feel the heartbeat? Maybe it'll give him life. Oh, you think that we're supposed to cut up his body and take it? I didn't say that.

As much as I would love to do that, I didn't say that. I think that maybe one of these amazing legendary artifacts will respond to this incredible creation, this dragon-esque creature. I'm willing to give it a shot. I will walk forward and I will hold in one hand the ornate dagger given to me by Mr. Deneur. And I will show it to the glowing chest that beats. I will show it to the statue. It continues to thumb-thumb, and you actually realize now that its chest is glowing as it is beating and pulsing.

I don't know what you mean about the whole termite thing. When we entered this relationship as a group of plucky vagabonds, we agreed that we would carry around a bag of bugs just in case any of us needed to roll for initiative. Did we actually do that? We'd drop a creature to zero hit points. That makes sense. And we all voted on bugs to keep in the bag.

And we all voted on termites. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's table that conversation. I voted for pill bugs. That would have been a safe of bet for sure. I think if that happened, I would have voted for bedbugs. Oh, I forget who would have voted for termites, but termites won. And so I've spent the last three years tearing around this bag of termites,

and now I'm hearing about it. You know, I trust you. I trust you, family. You have a perfect memory. I trust you. I trust you. I trust you. Why don't you get out to Flaming Sword? I see if it responds to this wonderful thing. It's a life-giving heart. I finally lift my ass. Amazing, right?

In the tales, they tell of this. Great knights that slay mighty reptilian beasts. Oh. With wings and horns, step aside, Bixie. Okay. Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? I don't know. Get close.

So wave the sword around, see if it'll respond or do anything. Maybe chant something in a different language. Be careful. It's greasy. Yeah, sorry about that. Slips in. I'm going to walk up to the glowing chest and see, do I hear anything? Do I feel anything?

As you walk up to the... For the podcast listeners at home, Mace is actually dead. You walk up to the glowing chest. And as soon as you step up to it, your final step before you arrive directly at the statue, you suddenly are standing precariously

on a pillar high above a lake of flame. As you all see, grumly effectively teleport atop of this huge sarcophagus. And suddenly, where you had seen this huge statue of a dragon, you now are suddenly standing on this stone crypt. I'm sorry, Mr. Dragon. Oh, wow, groundlight!

Oh, careful, careful! Oh, it's a teleportation pad! Wait, like that'll just work for anybody? I didn't do anything special, I think so. I begin to drag my half-broken body to where, Grumly just was. You do. To see if anything will happen

if I'll join my friend on top of his sarcophagus. You step up to it. You're just looking up at this dragon that's leering down over you. You see the huge jaws opening as if it's about to unload a blast of flame at you. No, it didn't work.

Routly, I'm still here. Thump, thump, thump. What? I hear this heartbeat, though. Can I really reach out to touch? Oh, yeah. It's hot. Yeah, it's hot.

Oh! As it's thumpthump. Wait, thump. It didn't work for you? No, still stuck down here. Wait, Bitsy, can you try? Okay. What did you do?

I just sort of walked up to it. And then what did you say? You're like, do any, like, fancy little shimmies or something or think something? I was going to do some kind of, like, cool slaying dragon sort of thing, but I just kind of teleported up here. Okay, I'm going to try to do some cool slaying dragon thing. No? Bitsy. As soon as you plunge the blade into the heart of this statue,

the entire room starts to shake. I didn't actually hit the statue. As you see these blade pierce in effortlessly, as cracks like antlers split out as... Grudley Riemannermanenton. As the... This thing's really sharp. As suddenly grumly,

it almost as if the chaos around you, Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. Stops. And you see now what looks like the stone carving of a glorious stag king. And

the heraldry there's a great effigy of hearts of dragons of symbols of war but you see on the

great shield of this king is a the shape of a comet and is like an actual corpse or is it it's a statue built on top of it, the stone

It's effectively laying down, eyes closed, shield and sword. The sword is just a simple, simple long sword, and the comet has no trail. It's almost like a little thin line behind it. And you hear a voice as the flame is lapping up all around. the shadows of the antlers, and you see the huge shadow of a great looming king. As you see the crown between the antlers, this same crown has been carved in stone over this great crypt. As you feel the presence. I dropped to Whitney.

My lord, are you here? Are you truly loyal? Night of war, herald of war. Hell yeah. I am truly loyal. My dragon is waking from stone. That's your dragon? Grant me my flame.

Yes, my lord. And I'll stand up. And is there like, oh, I will take the sword seeing no trail on this comet, and I'm going to place the flaming sword on the comet on his shield. To see if that's what he was talking about.

It ignites. as the shield bursts into this raging comet. And it's almost as if you're standing looking down, but you suddenly feel like you're looking up at the sky above the dim wood with the red comet blazing overhead. And it's hard to even grab your bearings as the entire room starts to shake. And all of you see these antler-like cracks splintering

across the stone statue. You feel like it's going to completely break to pieces. Oh, do I feel like... Wait, what's... Which statue is... The dragon behind you? The dragon. So is the...

Right now the sarcophagus is intact. The sarcophagus is intact. Does he feel... Met a question, but does he feel like he's in danger? I don't think the grumbly feels any danger. You need to roll 40. I would be trying to, like, slide away from this cracking... Yeah.

You're trying to get distance. Yeah, oh, you're able to do that. You're able to stumble back. The door is open. I'm not stumbling so much. Drag my ass. drag your ass. His dragon's waking up.

You should probably pull Jean-Claude a little further away than that. The grease is still there. My leg's still broken. I can't drag him anywhere. Peggy, maybe. I'm so tired. I'm very tired. Oh.

I, too, are very tired. And I'm down a leg. I'm going to flop onto the ground into the grease and kick my... I'm going to grab Jean-Claude and kick my legs and slide through the grease and propel us away. down and you realize there's a comet on his shield. You grab Jean-Claude and you're able to pull him away.

It's almost over to tumble-end. As you're able to pull him away, as you see now the shape of this dragon, as the statue is looming back, you look back and you see almost as if it's so elongated, it almost looks like the streaking tail of a comet. You see the comet on the shield and you realize that this sword, there is no comet tail, but at the hilt seems to be a almost a... like the head of the bleeding star, almost the head of a comet, but it does, has no flaming tail.

Interesting. I will take my sword and I will place it against his sword. It ignites. Oh, yeah. And with such a concussive force, Grimly, you are blasted back dozens of feet towards your friends. Oh, oh! You, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw for me. And that for one, plus zero. You're gonna take... Oh, I rolled very low.

Eight points of bludgeoning damage. As you stumble back, as all as you hear the thump-thump, thump, thump, thump, of the statue that had been silenced by Bitsy's dagger, but suddenly it emerges. As along all of the cracks, you feel like this is finally going to stop,

is going to crumble into the lake of fire, and then suddenly, light bursts from all of the cracks from inside the statue as the stone burst and you hear a high-pitched shrill, scuttle screech as you are now in a chamber with a massive scaly beast. The scales are red and orange and yellow as it lets out a bellowing roar as this statue has come to life. Bitsy, The tales has woken dragons from stone. As it lets out this guttural roar, as the entire chamber starts to collapse in on itself,

as you see one wing burst out in another, as this massive snaking serpentine beast looks up and opens its jaws and a massive burst of flame that almost looks like a piercing sword burst into the ceiling of this chamber, as it almost starts to pierce through ceiling and bore upward, melting the stone away. And as this happens, it's hard to tell with the collapsing roof,

the melting stone, the bursting flame, you all see as this huge dragon lumbers forward and begins to raise its wings up. You see a. rider atop its back. A figure wreathed in flame. A king. A rider. A horn. A warhorn.

A great blazing sword. As you all hear a voice. Well done, my champion. Now, we sound in the horns. We ride. to war, first to four. As the entire chamber collapses, you all have a split second to avoid the rubble.

I am looking at this dragon for us, and I'm listening to what's happening, and I'm shaking it all in, and I'm thinking about the tales, the stories, the songs, of legend, and I look at Bitsy, and I look at Peggy, and I look at John Claude's corpse, and I look to Grumley, and I say, Oh, Grumley, did you skin your knee?

And I cast one level of cure wounds to heal you for seven points of hit points. And before I said, before I, I, I, Oh, Grumley! After I heal my good friend, Grumley's skin, knee. Ah! We have to move! We have to move! It's coming down!

I would do my best, and he's to get picked up and just run out of the way of the collapsing, Rubble. I'll run in the opposite direction of the dragon and I will, um, if I can aid Peggy and jump under the grease and like basically slide forward to try to ram them in the direction that we need to like towards the door to get to get out, I would do that. I think with that and with the grease that you dropped, all of you're going to make a dexterity saving throw at advantage. As Peggy's grease shockingly has helped you slip and slide.

Natural 20 for 26. Damn. It's two for you tonight. I know. 11. I slip and slide away. Yeah, the flip and slide. Basically.

Is it dexterity? Yes. You healed me in, sorry, how much? You healed me seven? 22. Seven. Dirty 20. Oh, God.

I took seven. You are all able to you were all able to slide on the grease into the stairwell as you see the shape of this massive beast as it bursts forward out of the ceiling.

Flame is all around you as you see the rider of war atop his hellish mount for one last moment and you look grumly as the rubble starts to collapse

you hear the voice and you hear the voice one last time. The seal is broken. The end times are inevitable. As it collapses in. As you all feel the castle rumbling and shaking as it feels like it's going to collapse.

Oh, boy. I skid my knee, but you made it feel a little better thing. As at least I could do, you know. There was a song in my heart, and I told it to you. We got to get out of here. The problem is my leg is still broken. John Claude's body is completely broken. He's a bag of loose meat and bones.

What are we going to do? We got to get out of here. Everything's coming down. I will take Jean Claude's corpse and, like, throw it on my back and just, like, lash it to my back. That's reasonable. Extremely reasonable. I'm his champion. Be careful.

His leg and his armor broken. All of you look really, really tired, but I'm completely unaffected mechanically. I'm exhausted. We just got to help each other get out the stairs. We'll go. We'll go. We'll go. Come on.

I might not be able to carry your horrible fish curse or your chosen one calling or your mother of the universe, uh, weight and pressure. But I can carry you. And I'm going to grab them all around the waist. And I'm going to try to carry them all up out of the. the dungeon. For making this an amazing reference that Andy doesn't understand,

please make an athletic check at advantage. Oh, God. Two 12s. 19. 19th, you're able to grab all of your friends, including the very large Jean-Claude, and you feel empowered almost. You feel for the first time

that you're a true knight, that you belong to something, and this may have confirmed made the end times truly inevitable now. But you're not sure, but you feel like you're actually have a purpose as you carry your friends out to out into the great hole and you see the shadows now are all lashing about

as you see that last moment. For that last moment, see the humanoid lizard-like shape of the gardener as all the flame starts to get snuffed out as the castle collapses in on itself, and you are sprinting as fast as you can. And with that athletics roll, you are able to burst out of the castle,

tumbling down the stairs, over the mode of flame, and crashing out into the woods, as you all scatter. John Gloss scores, slips out of your hand, and ragdolls. As you all, in a single final burst, it collapses. As you look to the sky hoping, wondering, was that all real?

And you see the bleeding star again. Broken light's pretty fucking dead. You see the comet. It's come back. Whoa. But you realize, no, that's not the comet. See? Dragon of war.

and its royal ruler soaring through the sky and for a moment you're not sure if you're in any immediate danger as it grows smaller and smaller and it streaks over the dimwood until it's just nothing but a

pip of red light. And that's we'll take a break. Oh, my goodness. You all heard what he said? That the end of the world is inevitable? This is the end times, for real. That doesn't happen. That I'm the harbinger of the end times.

I think he said harbinger. Oh. Oh, I guess really he's the harbinger of the end times, but I helped. I helped too. Is that a good thing? That's the heart thing. I didn't mean to do it. I don't know anything anymore.

I don't know. And while we were running out of that, that, castle, I lost my balance, and I had to stab Jean-Claude again in order to keep a grip. Oh, like, so that you would have a handheld? Yeah. Look at this horrific, broken body. There's nothing,

you can't do anything worse to him. No, I know, I just... Why do you have to aim for the eye socket? There's anywhere else could have just been... Jean-Clawn. You see the light. Oh! You...

are surrounded by light, by white. All around you, you feel yourself floating. And you hear a voice. Ah, my son. Ah, you have finally come. Ah, too. Oh, you died. Ah, say literal God?

Yes. Oh, it's, it's him. And you see the bright, and there's a bright shining light all around you. And, uh, you hear, Yes, of course it's me. Ah, who else would it be? It's me, it's me literal God. I dare not hope that I'd ever be able to

bask within your radiance in person. Oh, are we on the moon? Oh, the moon? Oh no, we're in the great beyond I say of course your eminence A place of greatness

Don't move though, don't move Don't move Don't move Oh no I would be bad You would be a very bad follower If that happened I'll say literal God, no course By your decree of course

I wouldn't want to be a Poor follower And I'll say I'll I say, I say you say, that we're in the great beyond, as it were. Yes. Is it, okay? Yes. When do I get?

I have brought you to mine, bosom. I say, and your power knows no bounds, of course. You should say several male herrings and thanks. Oh, of course. I've saved your immortal soul. Oh, yes. I say, I'm almost on the charge of blaspheming that I have to have. not begun as of yet your your holiness your your graciousness your your

illuminants your your eminence I'll to complete the male areas now I say in the male heres I say in the male herries oh I say I say in the male herries oh I say oh go more I'm almost that I'll say I'm saying I'll say That's enough. That's enough. Oh, to you graciousness knows no bounds, your illuminated eminous. Oh, look you for bringing me to the here on after. But what fate has been falling, my friends?

I don't really quite remember the end, I think. Oh, I think maybe Bitsy stabbed me. But I think she brought me back and then some other stuff happened. I think maybe I fell down the stairs. I'm over 40 after all. I think up, John Claude. Oh, I think you may have gotten nutbunched by termite girl. Oh, that was kind of not paying attention.

I'll say, it feels like scrambled eggs down there. I was wondering what that was all about. Oh, God. Is that, I'll say, is that bitchy knocking upon Heaven's door? Literal God, is she trying to bring me back? More like, oh, it's like, more like heaven's bells. Oh, hear the angels singing here in the great beyond of greatness. Oh, it's, yeah, you better stay right there, stand right there, Jean-Claude.

I understand, well, I am standing, but, but literal God, what, now that we're in the, in the great beyond, as you say, uh, your holiness. Uh, what, what is there to do? I mean, shantily, uh, I'll say, I can't possibly stand here for the, for the rest of my eternal souls. Well, you better or else you're gonna go to the other bad, bad place. Don't you say it. I'll say no. Your terrible pug friend

has really, he's gotten mixed up into some bad business. Oh, I say literal God, that was so long ago when he was a nod of which we do not speak. And then he did several in the games of course, and I thought we had cleared that all up

you and I. It was just, he was one short stinks. Oh! And I'm sure he'll go the rest of his immortal life thinking that his soul is saved. How are you not covered in chains

and all sorts of torture devices? What do you mean? Why would I be covered in chains and torture devices? Oh, you don't know? Oh, right. Well, I was testing you. Never mind. Don't worry about it.

I'll say literal God, I'm getting, I have several questions. First and foremost, is how come you just said that? Why do you think I would be covered in chains and torture devices? And is that something that happens in literal heaven in the Great Beyond? Your literal illuminants. Because it's not exactly what I thought would happen up here. I thought there would be kind of generally more movement and, less kind of wondering on torture ship.

Asking literal God questions, arrogance, arrogance. Be careful, you don't wanna end up in that other place that we can't repeat. I'll say literal God, I've shed all my earthly arrogance or I have tried of course, flog me if you will, or punish me in whatever form you see fit for my foolishness. Whoa, take it easy.

Oh, okay. Whoa. Well, thank you. That's not weird, man. Oh, I... I always knew you were kind of a freak, but I didn't know that much. Literal God, please, I'm behind closed doors. I thought everything, you know what happens in one's own castle?

What happens in one's own or whole little four walls? I thought between them and themselves. And you, of course, and you of course. But may I look upon your face, literal God, please? No, don't step forward. Allow me to turn around. No, no, don't know. I had, I think I feel myself.

beckoned towards you. If you step towards the light, if you move forward. Like a mouth to the flame, literal God. Your luminance draws me in. Your simple brain can't handle it. You'll explode or something. You'll explode or something. I can't, I simply can't help myself.

I'm just a weak mortal soul. Literal God, I find myself drawn to you. You have this unbelievable god that magnetism. And I must take it. least is none in steps forward as necessary to gaze upon you. No, don't. Don't do that. It's already happening.

I'll say little regard. It's already happening. One, two. I. Left ride. I commend you. I'll do that. I command you.

Don't. Don't. The brain is willing to listen upon your command. But my fleshy, immortal soul is weak. and it's drawn to you. I just a couple steps forward. Well, hold on. Make a reception check.

I hold on. I hold on. What the hell? Who is this guy? This is crazy. It's crazy. 17? You take several steps forward and although it's this bright white light

that's all around you, you're not sure where you're at, but as you take, take a step forward, several steps forward. You almost feel as if there's, your foot crunches in, and you wouldn't expect it to kind of crunch like that. And it starts, you had been so hot when you had died, but you start to feel a little bit colder.

And you move forward and I think with that 17, up ahead in the light, you hear almost like a clanking of metal, It's hard to tell, almost like there's, there's almost like a shaking, like a rattling. Oh, what are you doing? I thought I explicitly told you not to do what you're doing right now. I'll say literal God, I just, I know, I know you forbade me from steps forward. Good word, I should have said that. I forbade you, Jean-Fa. I just, I have been, you have to understand that I have been. Good thinking.

devout acolytes for all of my last three days or so from whence we were within the temple to death and then after that and why I go on. Don't say that.

Don't spit on the temple of death. Oh, I'll say, well. In here, don't say that. Don't say that. You actually hear some rattling of chains. It almost sounds a little nervous. As it there's rattling up up ahead. Almost as you...

Don't do that, don't do that. I'll say literal God, of course. I picked up your holy weapon and you're charged to strike down the temple of pestilence and creatures and fiends of death and a couple of spiders as well. Oh, don't say feats of death. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're cool, we're cool.

Death is a part of life. Literal God, certainly fiends of death. If not, oh, no, no, what are you? you doing? What are you doing? It gets a little colder. It gets a little colder as you almost feel a bit of wind. As this bright white light up ahead as it starts to feel a little bit cold. More and more. I'll say,

please, basked me in your radiance once again. The cold sets in. It's beset upon me from all sides. If you would just shut the fuck up, man. I mean, don't just be measured and don't Come forward. Don't do that. I thought, but in life, certainly in my last three days or so, I was such a, I was measured in my axe,

and every step I took was in your name, all those atrocities I committed against, you know, those moles in that town that were horribly, you know, succumbed to pestilence. And then, of course, hideous minions of death. Oh, come on, man. Why many times I'm going to fucking tell you, man? I'm sorry.

and you stay right there. Stop saying that. It gets even colder. It's the sheer white all around you. As the wind whips. You start to feel that it's wind in this heavenly place. It's shocking to you, honestly. As you feel, make one more perception check. 13? 13.

And as it, the wind hits you. and you get a shiver. And you look down and you realize that on your coat that seems to be so pristine and white, perfectly bleached and pressed, you kind of reach down and you grab it. Is that snow? That's, you don't expect that.

Okay, we can all be cool, we can all be cool. Just, I'll say. I commend I am a literal god here I'll save him Of course you are I'm never

Take a vow of silence right now Well Do it right now Take a veil of silence Is this supposed to be done We're in the mortal coil No who told you that I worked in mysterious ways

Take about a silent of a little god The last time I said you worked in mysterious ways You said whoa No I didn't tell you to get this whole mole town And I said, of course, you tell you you work a mysterious way. Little God, please. I spent the last three days of my motor coil and worship to you. And I kind of thought that bought me, you know, like eternal year after goodness.

And we're here in the great beyond. Your eminence. And I'm so cold in the snow here. And what's that clang in the metal? I thought there'd be more like trumpets and we'd be kind of in the sun. But this is the sun. No, it's just a bright white light. this brilliant son, none of that lame real son.

Uh, pooh, the angels are playing for me, little God. Literal God, you did noises. I'm not a chicken, why would you say I'm a chicken? I'm a little god, I'm approaching you right? Please, just for seeking truth. Just for seeking truth and answers, please, I'll say, literal God! Don't condemn it to the bad place. Oh, if you come forward, no, no, no, no.

You can go to the bad place. Don't come forward. I have to. Don't do it. No, you don't. I have to. I have to. I have to, literal God that the cold

is pushing me into your bosom. Into your warm and illuminance. Don't do it. You need to know the love that I have carried for you, literal God, in my own bosom, in my chest, in my worship of you for the last three days or so.

Ever since I pulled up the death slayer weapon that you granted me as I legions of undead and those bears would love shit and all fell

beneath the might that you'd bestowed upon that got really fucking crazy I got really I got really that got out of hand I'll say

Bitsin was getting prophecies about the red wap and you know that happens when you do it too much I'll say yeah that really that got out of hand

really fast oh I say a literal god. Oh, don't come closer. It's like, I'm walking one foot in front of the other little god. Are you walking forward? I'm approaching. I'm drawing in.

As you get, as you walk, you realize now that it's getting colder and colder and the wind starts to pick up. This isn't what I thought it was gonna be. And it's the, and suddenly you realize now that there is, amidst this light, there is some sort of shape. up ahead. But it's not this grand gleaming thing. It's a hunched and dark shape. And you hear the rat, it's unmistakable now. It's the rattling of chains. As you hear, no, stop, don't go closer. And you realize now that you're stepping through snow as you start to feel a chill. And you realize now that you're stepping through snow. And you start to feel a chill. And you realize now that, that, that the white that you have seen isn't the glorious light of the great beyond heavenly realms that it's the white of nothing.

The white of snow, of ice, and the antithesis of the life you had before. This would have hit way cooler if you had the forward to the terror. Since you haven't, do you proceed? And you start to see this shape now. It starts to move away from this dark shape up through this

blinding light. And you hear this rattling and this dragging and scraping. No, no, don't come closer. I am literal God, I command you. I command thee. Ah, say these aren't the heavenly realms. Snow across

the ground. Little of God, are you? Are you chained here? Why would you seek me to not approach should you not want one of your holy warriors to free you from your bondage in whatever this place me may be, for it is certainly not the heavenly realms. I will come to your aid.

You push forward, and the chain rattling gets louder and louder as you realize now that she was, No, no, I say, I say, oh, get away from me. Get away. See, the horror truth. Oh, no. As the chains rattle violently, as the wind whips up and the cold gets more intense,

and this bright light is, you weren't blinded by the light of heaven, you were snowblind. As you're in a frozen wasteland, as you see. what looks like a frigid corpse of your twin brother, Jean-Luc Chanticleer. He's covered in chains tied to a box, to tills, and to books and to ledgers. As he is rattling, as he is looking at you with hollow sunken eyes.

Ah, I say, ah, I say, ah, he looks up at you, and he's nervous. as he looks up and he sees you and you see him. I say, I say, I say, John Luke! You no good to Taman? A accountant! What? What have you?

I say, why are you here chained? Our Tammons around you and I say took the laugh out of you. But you bowed... Don't you move any closer? Why? You're standing tall. and power and that frankly quite impressively pressed suit of yours and meanwhile I'm here tormented for an eternity in death for almost comical fitting poetic justice for being a

filthy a taxic tax collector and accountant working for the tax man I say I say well thank you I pressing myself oh you silver tongue devil you do stop talking about how I on to my suits. You say that you're chained down here in the depths facing justice for your tax accounting ways. I'll say, I'll say that you're, I don't know why you stand so proud of no, no, no lawyers, no better than an accountant. I say, I say, what has happened to you? Is it because your death was no more dignified than mine? I'll say, maybe a lawyer. isn't any better than an accountant, but I, I found people, and I got them off aggressively.

And they were to trial for murder, and I shifted that blame to an unsavory character, and I set all of them free. And we traveled together. And, well, we didn't really do good works. We just kind of moved from place to place and gotten the escalations of trouble, and it was really kind of a horrible thing.

But the things that I've survived, Jean-Luc, the things that I've survived, the hard jinx that we've gotten up to. And then, when it was all came down to it, when we had to make decisions, I stood next to my new friends. I stood next to Grumley as he awoken his woke spirit within, and we killed spider after spider as we grinded day and night.

I know what I was there. I was haunting you the whole time. It was never a literal God, was it? I was haunting you. Yes, it was me. Donald Luchant-Aclare, your brother. I'll say, a shocking twist.

I didn't know you were, you were so good at doing voices. I thought for certain. You know that I always wanted to be an actor, John Claude, and I chose a foul fate, and it was,

I was supposed to haunt you to try to turn to turn you. you from your ways, but I thought, no, my brother, mine deserves to take the same faith that I do. And to get mixed up

and killed by, no good goons. And you realize now that his eyes are sort of bulging out of almost a skeletal-like skull, and he's wrapped around his neck, or the chains as if he's been garroted, perhaps. As

he, uh, He looks at Jesus. I thought I would just pretend to be literal God so that you would not go against your terrible ways and not learn anything so you would suffer if I have to. But I see, I failed. I've been beaten by no good loyal.

I'll say that's exactly right. More noble profession than yours, tax accountant. Rubbing elbows with the most undes. desirable sort, and face the price of doing so. I thought maybe if you've survived long enough, you might become a mob lawyer and get mixed up with the wrong people, and get yourself waxed. Get your chicken choked.

And then after that, killed by the mob, huh? Yeah, I thought that I was gonna get promoted. And I thought promotion, what for? What have I done? I've only made mistakes and they don't bear me very much. And then I heard the those at tunes of Leila and I said, oh no. I could not even say no before they chose me today. I'll say, I understood that reference.

What in the heck are you talking about? Good fun is a really good movie. I'll say, I'll say. Anyways. You're dead. I'm dead. I am forever tormented. I don't know why you stand so tall. It is not fair. This place isn't fair. Well, they say their life isn't fair. Why should this be any different? I... It should be. I say, I say it should be. I won't be afraid. I'm not afraid in this place. What more can you do to me? It death isn't fair. This place. This place is a false.

It's a false temple to abomination. There's no honor or peace in death, I swear. As suddenly, his voice is choked out as the chains choke. As he starts to freeze over, and he's dragged into the ice and snow as he freezes, and suddenly he's gone. And where your brother had been is just ice and snow, and you hear the rattling of chains and his choking gulp,

as it echoes across the strange frozen waste that you now find yourself. I look down at where he just wants. I'll say, good riddance, young Luke. Ah, I'll say no words for you. you because you do not deserve them. For even then in the afterlife, you toiled to bring me to the same fate as you.

And I never would have done that in reverse. Sure I would have seen you assassinated and the mortal coil, dragged to the depths by hungry creatures of the sea. It was like what happened in Mugbert Creek. But I never would have tried to visit this fate of upon you should I find myself in it? It's in that moment when you realize just how cold it is and it's getting colder as the wind hits you and it is just whites as far as you can see and see up ahead you're not sure if it's the horizon

is it mountains you see snow believe that there's sky as the snow starts to fall on you and you look up ahead and you think you see a flick of blue, bright, icy blue up ahead. And you realize that it's in the, that you see a shape. It's live and feminine and almost enchanting in a way. I start shuffling, the coldest setting in. I feel it in my bones now, as it were.

Looking around and seeing nothing else, except for this figure, the only disruption in an otherwise environment of void, I start moving towards it, hoping for some sort of shelter or warmth or spare. Anything that could spare me from this fate, I find myself. You move forward, and you, this figure is... moving, whipping back and forth, and you realize that it's something that it's wearing, that this woman is wearing as she stands looking at you with large, piercing blue eyes. And you see a hooded figure, and you see the face of seated closer and closer. is almost observing you. She's not moving, but the robes that she wears whips back and forth and cling to her slender frame as you see what looks like the face of a white owl

with pure blue eyes. And they almost call to you. I say, I say, Spector, can, can, can you? Can you help me care? I'm so cold. I was brought here. I think about my no-good, rotten, two-timing chicken shit brother, Jean-Luc, that has just had his head snapped into and sucked into the snow. But I, you seem so stalwart in such a terrible place.

Is there any shelter from the storm here? With you. There is the ever so slight tilt of the head. And then very slowly, a small slender hand with long, thin, tallened fingers extends towards you. Like a beckoning gesture. Ha, ha, I say, it's so cold here. Uh, uh, well, you want me to approach you?

Would you ask something of me? I'm coming. Here I come. Is there something you need in this space? I'll move my hand out towards her, sacrificing whatever warmth rubbing my chest or cradling myself will be to move one hand closer out towards her

to outstress my palm towards hers, as I take several steps toward her. You stumble forward as the wind whips up and the snow gets more intense and it gets colder and colder and this figure doesn't move although her robes whip back and forth

and you stumble forward and you almost fall to your knees as you're trying to drag yourself forward but this figure does not move. she washes you and your hands and your feet and your knees are getting

colder as the wind almost calls you forward as you drag yourself towards this shape and until she's standing directly

above you and you look up And there's ever such a slight tilts as this owl looks down at you. And she doesn't say a word. And her hand is still outstretched. But it slightly moves down. And she doesn't speak. She doesn't need to.

you know where you are and you know what this is. This is death. What do you do? I crawl towards her until I'm just beneath the hand and I have my house stretched. I glance down now at the ground. My hands are on my hands and knees. I look back up and struggle one foot.

One foot up and raise my arm and clasp on my hand into hers. Looking up at her head if she looks down at me. Lady, Lady Death, I'm here. I am yours. You reach for death. Death reaches back. Her hands clasp around you. And you feel nothing but the white.

and the cult. Immediately, you awake, all of you see Jean-Claude gas forward, shivering. And as you all look at him, return to life, you see that his eyes are a piercing, icy blue.

And that is where we'll end this out.