Legends of Avantris - Walking in a Witchlight Wonderland | A Yuletide One-Shot | Part 1

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

After saving the Winter Court from the Krampus last Yule, our unhinged heroes go on a celebrity tour to meet the Holly King himself! Part 1 of 2!   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/-PyR66JBZC8?si=fPSsvh5mDmg-fPGs

Welcome the Legends of Aventriss. It is a beautiful winter's evening. We're all cozy inside of a tavern deep within the winter court of the Fay Wild. And since last year this time, you have been on many adventures together. Stories that bards all across Aventriss will tell from this day to the end of days. Just not on our Twitch channel. This one, however, will be twice. in that way.

As you find yourselves sitting around the hearth enjoying a nice cup of hot Jones, you reminisce about this time last year and the adventures that you had been on

and what brings you to this place yet again. This year, you have been summoned by the Holly King himself. You are to be the celebratory guests at the very end of the Yuletide Festival, 12 straight days of merriment and joy, culminating in a large festival on Yuletide Eve, where you will be pronounced as heroes and saviors of the Fay Wild for the things that you have done in this place. As sneezes are heard all around, this time of year people find themselves awfully sick. and colds abound.

And you are eager for what is going to happen here. This is cozy and warm. You hear carolars outside, the smells of fires roaring all across the small village you found yourself in. You know that you have, you haven't come for the full 12 days of the Yule Festival. It has been happening over the past nine days. There are three days left of this festival. And you are making your way through a chain of villages to get to the Holly King's home,

the castle at the top of the hill, where you will spend Yulthide Eve with the Holly King himself. And you are planning to make your, your trip through four towns over the next two days before you reach Yule Tide Eve at the Holly King's home. And you are going to be meeting and signing autographs and lotted as celebrities. And you're quite excited. But tonight is your last night of rest in this unknown town in the woods of the winter court. Your last night to fully rest before your job begins. do you do?

Well, I was very distracted about that chicken that whole time that I was nervous. Well. Yes, Charles's. Biffy. Charles was my father's name. I thought that was just the long version of your actual name. That's what my father would say. Oh, I'm sorry.

What do you prefer? I prefer your grace or your lord or your liege after I took out crampiths and why that plot of land in the Fay Wild. Oh no, is this canonical? And became a lord, a minor lord, not much more than a landed knight, truth be told. My leash. Thank you. It's gonna not being the heroes and saviors

of the fair wild for things I'm not aware of. Yeah, this spiked. Oh, it's not spiked. There's no alcohol in this town. There actually hasn't been alcohol in any of the areas that you've traveled to in the Faywild. But, um. Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna say. You are, at this point, you are withdrawing very hard from your usual amount of alcoholic environment. What I mean to say, Bitsing. What I'm talking so loud? You've been really irritating me, Bidsey. I'm sorry. You don't get to fuck up ever.

That's not true. I, you know what? We've all been thinking and I've been saying it, Bissy, you're the one that's holding it back the whole time because you don't stop talking about the Fendant there's no booze allowed here in this, Faye Wild. You want some booze? Yes.

Oh, thank goodness. What is mollily. It's grain alcohol. It has no smell. Well. Usually I use it for like medicine and poultices and all kinds of other medicine like herbalistic fab operations and stuff.

But if you really need it, I'll give you a little bit. I guess I could nerf that. Chuckles, that was really mean. It's Yuletide. We have to be nice to each other. Bitsy, what was in flask that you gave to? Great alcohol. for like.

Can you roll a Constitution saving throw it disadvantage for me, please? Oh, 14. Okay, thank you. Huh? To each other, because it's Yul Thai. That's the magic of the season. I'm sorry, Biffsy.

I don't know what came over me. I didn't have my happy juice with me. Now Chuckles is feeling real nice. Good. And now suddenly I learned the spirit of December, Ween and Yule time. Can I have my flashback? Hold on.

I gotta make sure there's nothing left. Oh, oh. I need you to roll E2 for me, please. Chuckles, D12 for me please. I'm gonna roll a squishy one. Four. You immediately die. I need you to roll a D-140 please.

You have not been in the Faywild for that long. It's just straight up ethanol, you're just dead. You have not been in the Faywild for that long. You were provided a, you were provided an entrance to the Feywild through the magic's only capable, capable of, only possible through the, only possibly created from an archfay, I don't know how I'm trying to say this.

God, my mind doesn't work. You were led into the Fay Wild in a special way. In a way, only an archfay could allow you entry. And though you did not meet the Hawley King when you were provided entrance here, it is through his magic that the gateway was open. You have only been in this part of the Fay Wild. This is a significantly different place

from the place that you had been last year around this time. This is much deeper into the winter court where the fir trees are incredibly thick. The snow is three to four feet high in some places. And the layout of the land is... The areas of population are far more spread out and secluded. but it is cozy and it feels safe. And you have not fully adapted to the magics here yet,

but you have noticed that it seemed, and you had been warned in the letter that had been given to you, that the magics in the air all around you are greatly affected by the deeds that you do, whether you choose to be naughty or choose to be nice. And it seems that chuckles in his outburst at Bitsy and then his drinking of all of her grain alcohol that she used for many things. Those were a couple of naughty deeds done in secession

and that he is paying the price, not only for the fact that it's basically 99% rubbing alcohol inside of that flask, but also for the choices that he has chosen to make. As you watch as Chuckles' face begins to twist and contort, before the blood begins to leave him, his face and goes a pale wife. Somebody rolled him on his side.

And he chuckles appears to have fallen asleep. I walk over to him to do what Bitsy says, roll him on his side. The second that I go to touch him to make sure that he's dead. You can feel a strange coldness. I turn it like a Bidsey. It's too late. What?

He's dead. You don't even need to make a medicine check to be able to see up close. He is definitely dead. I stand back up like after crush. Oh, yeah. There it is. You know what?

Dead people void their bells. It's all but confer. Oh, yeah. There it is. Dormick has seen this before. It's a good thing. He was wearing such bad bad. Dormick, this is unsurprising.

The sprite that runs this in does not look happy as she gets a mop in bucket and begins to don her apron to come over and bring up your dead friends out. We're really sorry about Junkles. He must be really backed up. We're really sorry. You can't really see her from where she's at in her little cleaning closet, but you see her little hand motion to you. Yeah, yeah, I got it. I got it. Thank you.

Big humor. And if I could get another hot Coke of me. she flips you off Oh that wasn't a little tired spirit This seems a little fishy Don't you think You give him something to drink

And they just fucking dies Can you roll a D100 for me Mike? I already did Oh what is it? 73 Thank you To be fair Briggs E Junkle's health

was tenuous at best 73 you said You want to roll again for me please What are we gonna do go in all these towns? It's inside an autographs and stuff. Nobody knows who we are except for Chuckles. Oh, no.

We're just to rest. Oh, no. Eighty-five? I can roll a couple times if you want. No, no, 85's fine. It's just that what you got was human, and I wasn't interested in that. Oh.

You injure Chuckles last moments as he evacuates his bowels. The sprite known to you is, Coriah Mary makes her way over singing, all I want for Christmas is you. She's been singing this just on repeat from the moment you walked in here. And you're honestly not that frustrated

that she's having to clean this up because Jesus Christ, would she just stop singing? But she doesn't. As she cleans up your friend and as she finishes, she squeaks and rushes away. She begin to notice that Chuckle's body begins to shift and change. Where there had been is normal clown-like appendages.

Were you just a human beforehand? Like, what is chocolate? I was a clown. Yes, I know you're a clown. But didn't we ever actually? He was a human, yeah. His human legs and human hands begin to change. As where there had once been chuckles the clown,

there's now Chuckles the Minotaur. Oh no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Holy crap, Bincey! Yeah, he looks really strong! What was in there? Give me something!

It's already left, please. No, there isn't any left. You guys. You guys. Choclos, are you okay? How do you feel? Oh, God. What was that?

What's that pro-team shake that you gave me? Look at my fucking gaites. Oh my gosh. Oh no. You turned them into mucles. Mookles. Mookles, mucus, moose to my name there. No, not moose.

Mookus, moose. Betsy you have me said. You really need to change your pants very quickly. Where there had been pants, they're now just furry Minotaur legs and they are matted. Oh, even Dormack is disgusted in my ears. This is foul.

I don't know who chit-old in my fur. You can't have some stairs on things. Well, now that I've been sent it to Godhood is Muk with Moop. I'm gonna start wrecking stuff. Why? To show you out, shall we? Hey! I need you to roll you to roll in the...

I need to roll you to roll another D12 for me, please. Oh, no. I need to smash five. Oh. It's very funny. Thank you. And as you watch, as moucles, mucles,

begins to destroy things. Oh, God. Once again, being very, very naughty, the magics in this place infuse with his fur, and where there had been a minotor, he begins to change. As you notice that from mucles, mukels, he goes to mucles, mucles,

and you see a barrel tobacco. standing here next to you and you feel the need to mark your territory. I'm a golden living gun already. The grain alcohol giveth and the green alcohol

take it away. Are you sure that was brain alcohol? Give me that. The upper planes of humanoid. I'm suddenly a furry fellow. It says grain alcohol on it, but the grain is on masking tape and I peel off the masking tape.

This is a Water alcohol. This is literal poison. I didn't give him big water is so... I mean, great transformations too. Well, I feel less of a god, but... I gotta start pissing on stuff. No, why? Please don't.

I'm still into my heart cookie. Come on, Betsy, look him in the eye. It's in his nature. You know, the frog and the scorpion. I have to say out of character, your snagal puts impression has improved in your year. Infeitingly better. I pull it away. You deserve an Emmy for your snaguller for special.

Let me see if I can make it in the hot cocoa, Emmy. Those ruins. I try to fizzle in the hot coca. Even if you didn't get it directly in, I feel like the hot cocaps. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like your aim might not be the best. But the table is covered with this. And it's just, it's probably not safe to drink.

Oh, oh. Well, time to get us in here already. Exit's stage right. I'm gonna push him to the side. This is all the foundation. This is a nightmare. What are we gonna do about this? Bricksey, stop him!

Oh, how many towns do we have to get through? We have to go through four towns, and then we have to find our way up a hill in order to meet the Holly King. We're never gonna be heroes in this, right? They're gonna kill us! We're gonna go through four towns and go up there and one one shot.

I don't know how we're gonna do that. It's too much. Oh. Well, that's why he started early already. Get started right away. This actually is the first kind thing you've done, is your pissing. around the foundation of her inn.

Coriah Mary hears you singing her song. And she is filled with Christmas joy as she leans out of the window and sings along with you. The sounds of your singing echoing down the hill and towards the waiting town below, the town that you know that you're headed to the very next morning,

the town of a jinglebird. We've got to make it to Jingleberg in the morning. But what if we left now? We could get it done now. It's really dangerous to travel at night. The snow is very high. We can break a leg. That's what the Illuminati wants you to think.

Travel at night is the safest time. I mean, maybe, but it doesn't add up. Torbeck knows better than the travel at night. What about all the highwaymen and cutroats? Yeah. Torbeck tries to travel at night and people run from Torbeck. See, that's perfect. Oh, that's perfect.

That'll keep us safe. No, it makes Torbeck sad. What's everyone running from? Then Tormec runs too, and they run faster. And Tormec's like, why are we running? Let's do that. It'll be a big scary crocodile zombie man. And his pants are full of shit.

That's perfect. And I'll just be like, ha! Oh, that's brilliant. Let's go. If we got four towns to get through, we better get started right now. Listen, narratively, there's a reason we should stay in it. I should have.

There's a lot of sense. stone and wood I gotta get through. They have it bring out a couple hot Jones even. You can piss on the way. Maybe even a couple of hot Jerry even. You can start pissing from here, and then we'll hit the other towns, and eventually it'll be like, it'll be like in the...

Like a Mobius piss. Sure, a mopeas. No, no, no, no. Okay, Torbeck gases we can leave now, but don't say Torbeck didn't warn you. Yeah. I don't want a lot for Christmas for dinner. She makes you a chagal-a-go-a-coco.

Thank you. Are you welcome? Do you have any extra wood alcohol? Are you sure you guys want to be going and doing that? No. Okay, all right, good night. But I'm being, Torre is being outvoted. You're such a sheep, what do you think are traveling and not's dangerous?

No, you would just hold to stay here by the night. the Holly King, so if you want to defy him on your first night here, that's your choice. Oh, fuck. You told us that? This was a decree? Guys, that sounds pretty serious. I mean, you can go to Jingleburg right now, but no one's going to be awake. And if you travel through Jingleburg and it's supposed to be the day where all of them are supposed to see you in the morning and get your autographs and all the children get to spend time with you, but you're not there because you went through in the middle of the night while everyone's sleeping. That's not going to bring a lot of joy to the town, do you?

you think? Well, shit! I'll throw my hot cocoa down to the ground. Spike it. Yeah, I'll spike it. Bitsy, I need to roll a D12. D12. Really upset. Now look at you, I need you to roll a D4. Oh, no. A four. That's a D8.

The four is still valid. The four is divided by two. Two and three is what? It's two. I don't know what a D4 looks like. Also four. Fate. You begin to change your body, morphing into that of many of the humanoids

that you've seen here, the Eladron. You find yourself in the form of a winter Eladron. Your hair is white with the highlights of pale blue. Your moustache is lined with a permanent frost. Your skin is mixes of shimmering grays and pale blues as well. But this is, This isn't a standard, Eladron.

Your emotions have gotten out of control. So though you are a winter Eladron, you're overcome by your primal nature as a winter Eladron. Your bitterness is coming to the forefront. You radiate a feeling of gloom. You cannot stop weeping. No.

As I'm transforming, as bits of racing towards the pool of hot cocoa trying to clean it. And as you get to it, you're radiating this gloom and this, this frigid air. That's a refrigerator and it made me laugh when I said a frigid air. That's funny. Okay. But as you do reach the hot cocoa, you immediately turn it into cocoa,

like one of those delicious creamy cocoa popsicles. and it is now this frozen sheet of cocoa on the floor. My God. Frozen like my heart. Oh, no. He's like that guy who everything touches turns of gold and he can't eat anything, and then he starves to death and dies. Oh, what's up?

I'm hearing about a cold fridge and art even. And as you walk into the door, you immediately feel your feralness begin to wane as your tabxy fur and limbs begin to retract. You return to your natural form, that of a minotaur. Hey, what's up? This is back. Mugles has returned.

Yeah. Wait, how long, so your mucles for only like 10 minutes, how long are you thinking you gonna be mucles for? I don't know, I think I've said it got it. It would probably be forever. I'm a brazen brass bull, golden calf, golden idol. By the way, I own this place, cry Mary. By the law the pissing off stuff.

She adores you and is cleaning up the frozen template. You cleaned it up for when I take it over later. Anyway. Hard to argue in that one. Yeah. Doorbeck's convinced. And I mean, I don't know. I think they're both kind of hot right now.

What do you think? I have the confidence radiating with both of them. It's true. I feel like with Betsy, I can fix him, you know what I believe? Toyback has never been that confident. I feel like I want to be the chosen one and develop a talent for archery and get kidnapped by them, you know what I mean,

and maybe develop a slow romance and some sort of prison with gasoline. And though you're not conventionally pretty, you feel like people would be really stunned by your beauty. Definitely. I'm definitely not like hot, but if you like take a second and look at me, it's like, oh.

You know, it's two different kind of eyes. If she takes her glasses off, if he takes his glasses off. I take my glasses off and I twirl by not-existent hair. Dorebeck knows that he's a gold and frownessing, but he's kind of smoldering right now. I know it's kind of weird and confusing if you ask me. Do not look at me.

Oh. You totally not. I don't want to do it. All I feel is disparate. in my heart. Oh, and he's called a huge quill. He's calling it. Oh, and he just fought for it.

I'm gonna walk over to Bitsy and smack the quill in the book out of her hand. Oh. To kill your broken heart, you need a lawyer up and hit the gym. He pushed the things out of my hands. There's only one way to happen. Just as love was pushed out of my heart. Getting so good! Do you do some push-ups.

You were gifted these abilities. I lost everything. As you say this, I said it streamed down your face. Who did he lose? Dormack's missed the beginning of the season. Oh, I think maybe it was the Prince that they mentioned last season or like two seasons ago, I think.

Dormax really gotta get caught up. We think he's dead, but actually he just fell down a well for a few years. No! Yeah. Why are you still looking at me? Oh! What are you thinking right now?

Like internal monologuingly. Let's go to the window. What are you thinking about that in this moment? Yeah, tell, don't show. Yeah, we just- Darkness, despair, gloom. He's so mysterious. The bitter sadness echoes in my heart.

Soft side. Everything I've lost. Briggsie. And those things that I will never, ever gain. Oh, and a poet too. Briggs, roll a D12 for me, please. Be so brave, but so vulnerable at the same time. A tourback, I'd also like you to roll a D-South.

Oh, this is unfortunate. Five. Both of you have been really accepting of Bitsy's new form. And Bitsy is quite very clearly sad in this Eladran body overcome by these Eladron emotions. And you have shown interest in her poetics

and in her, these changes that have overcome her. And been nothing but supportive. And the magics of Faywild have reciprocated. Briggs, I need your rule a D20 for me please and let me know if the otter even. Oh, even. Even. Even.

Okay. Then I need to roll a D100 for me, please. Oh, God, how do I do that? 94. Oh, boy. You feel a, you feel heaviness at your side. A heaviness in one of the pouches that you carry.

You open it up and you find a very small, wrapped gift. And it says to Briggsie from the spirits of the Faywild. And as you open it up, inside you find a beautiful, shimmering silver ring. What? You immediately attuned to a ring of warmth. Briggsie always gets the best stuff. Of course, gifts from nowhere.

That's better than Mugles ever got. Mugles had to fight for everything he had. At least you have your physical health. Oh, and so just development. With all the gear I'm blasting, my health has never been better. I'm sure I won't get a heart attack, die. Torbeck.

Yes. You feel, though you don't find yourself gifted with anything. Shocker. Physical. You feel your luck has changed, but not just your luck, that you can affect the luck of others.

You get a free re-roll of any die. And when you use it, you can choose someone else to get a re-roll as well. Awesome. Do I have a little time limit on how long I can not get in my bank that bad boy? Thank you. Oh, Dormack is suddenly changed. Oh, did you get a cool ring too?

Dormack got something less material and a bit more profound. So you're, A.K. Wurz. And way lema. Ah, chuggled, can I remember a D12? D12. D12.

I have born in Israel at least 20 months. I can hear the productivity in your voice. You've been the most important thing of all. Thank you, Bidsey. Torbett was hoping you would understand. I understand more than you. You're feeling very naughty baby. That's that period?

Yeah. You're feeling very naughty. Good luck, dot, dot, dot. This is, this is opening, you're a Derpent. I was thinking of Austin Powers when I wrote it. That I'm so, was I. Hi, baby. Hey, Mermira, whatever you name is.

How about a little smooth? It can be Ramaya. Coriah Mary. Hey, moogles, moogles here. Spoole a little naughty, if you know what I mean. Oh. Dorae doesn't like where there's. I'm going to go into a comedic bit

that's a bit more suited for the 90s and not quite adaptable modernity. I'm doing all the Bougal's character development over the last season. Why would they do? You know, I read an article that the writer's strong really hit this hard and so they probably just got lazy.

Yeah, by naughty, I mean, with our current sensibility is more like I'm gonna open the window and it's getting a little cooler. She'll jump to the window. Look at the way the moonlight and the flakes just kind of waft around her. Oh, this would be chilly, but I have a ring of warmth. And you do notice that as you say this Torback, that Coriah Mary is not paying any attention to Mukles,

but she is staring longingly at Bitsy. Join the club. What does the ring of warmth do? I just put it on. You can look it up at the ring of warmth. Oh. Oh, we just from the DMG. Yeah, you automatically attuned to it.

It's just your ring of warmth. All right. I'm gonna Google it. Hey, uh, Coriah Mary. Let's dish this sin. You just really want more drugs, don't you. Mike is going to all in, and I'm here for it. It's compounded.

I'm fucking here for it. It's compounded. And I'm telling you why. I'm telling you a lot. Yeah. She turns to look at you roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. This guy, this, this, uh, this Eladren's just not, you know, didn't really listen to, oh gosh. Oh no.

Persuasion, eight. Yeah, I don't think I'm really all that interested. I mean, for one, your nose hasn't stopped bleeding since you came inside from pissing all over my house. Yeah, I'm covered in blood. I'm still cleaning your shit off of my hands. That's shit. Don't forget to mention shit. I can hear your heart beating from across the room.

Yeah, it's not too. You may be a minotaur, but I know what testosterone does to your manhood. Oh! Well, no, it's just because I'm tuitively covered in hair. And I personally think, that's why. I only think I'm looking for someone who's a little more thoughtful and in touch with their emotions. It's supposed to be such a holly, jolly time of year, and yet all I feel is infinite sadness pressed down upon the finite me. Oh, the finite you.

You know, Karaya's got a point. Torbeck's mind is usually more like crab rangoons and goth tanks, but this new thing. Bits, he's really doing something for Tourbe. The rangoon. Such a perfect form. I do not deserve. Oh, yeah. Something so beautiful of the rancoon.

By the way, I'll have a rancoon over my hammy while you're in the kitchen for muckels muckel. I'm sorry, are you talking to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're still serving, you're still serving breakfast. I'll have a rancin. I'm going to go. My eggs.

Isn't it two and I'm all? We never know. It's worth of shot. Oh, and all breakfast for dinner. You can you got a lot. You never know. I'm sorry the kitchen's close. Oh.

Gosh, all the chips I learned online from those Fador guys really not working. I'm going to use your all a D12 for me. I'm decogging and neck hanging an eight. Well, isn't it working? All of my tricks. Uh-oh. That's a four, mucus, mucus.

It's a four? It's a four. You immediately die. Your heart finally gives out. It just blows in your chest from all the steroids. This is the big one. Anyone else's shoulder really there? It's too real.

I think it's because I just think I'd think I'm best on my shoulder. Do it last. It's your face. Move. And like all things, it becomes the most inevitable part. heart of all. Oh god. It's so much worse than a minotaur. This is bullshit. Oh, I should see that one coming. Can you please roll it to you 100th for me please? Do you have the expanded lesson? What the fuck? Oh, that's really funny. What is this is minotauri stuff?

94. Oh, that's got to be some wacky. I never tell you how they shit themselves. Can you up? I don't put those for that ones. Let me see here. This is this, yep, this is different. My cough has been under control for days until I step in the studio.

D20? Holy smokes, what is happening? 14. I just started to go. That's nice. No way. 13 to 14 is Kenku. My mouth opens. The only thing you've heard. The only thing I've heard

in this new consciousness. Oh, no. Oh. No. Stop. Stop it. Am I trying to communicate with us? Stop!

Use your words. That's how we don't know. Strait creature awakened. You have passed beyond the veil and are now back, back to this terrible mortal life. And as the, as Cariah Mary finishes cleaning up yet again, the filter. of Chuckles, the clown.

And the final sense fade from him, you feel your body returning, Bitsy, and you are, you feel yourself back in your, your mouse like body. I was going to do the entire Alanis Morris that song Univited.

Maybe next time. But you, you're not allowed. Oh, I back. I feel cheering. Terrible mortal life. I'm so sorry. You must people who have been here sometimes, and it's terrible.

Oh, they say stuff terrible. Oh, we probably should give some background. The folks that don't know Duns and Dragons lore of what a Kanku is. What's there? Well, why don't you tell us? I'm asking you. I thought the Illuminati was like the cursed bird people, but actually they created everything and they mixed their genome with every one of us,

and at any second we could die and turn into them. bringing him. You're thinking of a can't coo. Oh. Anyway, it's a raven person. I can only mimic. Oh, it can only mimic whatever it hears. Whatever it is.

Only mimic. Whatever it hears. And it's really sad because they don't have their own voice. Oh, that is sad. It raises the question. Who are they really? Are you just a mirror held up? to society and you only reflect what you see nightmare.

That way, wait, way, blah, blah, blah, but my ears, I don't know what you're talking about. We should give him some words so that you can communicate. That'll be the nice thing to do. Now he's got a point. The nice thing to do. It's not just a mimic thing. They can't even have a single original fault

in the entire world. So playing as a Kanku PC means you can't come up with a plan, you can't contribute to your party in any way. It really brings into the question of free will at all. Terrible mortal mind. Torbeck's starting to freak out. This is, hold on, hold on. Okay, I think there we got one.

Okay, I think we got one. Bibliotheca. Bibliotheca. Bibliotech. Torbeck's got one. Banana. I think he's got it. Bibliotaker.

All those young children. screaming chookles chookles are going to be married and disappointed when they show a fully autograph signing tomorrow morning Oh well hungry What else? What do you want to know if you want a cat food? Shookles chukles hungry Who? Corriah could we get some food stuff maybe? She already said the kitchen is closed and Dorek thinks that actually means they just lost all our orders

Maybe we could go in there and cook for ourselves so that they don't have to work Oh, it's just me back here and I've been too busy to keep the oven on cleaning up your friend's fecal matter. It's been just so much. Yeah. It's been a lot. Well, Bitsy, to be fair,

one time I tried to order a slice of cheesecake and they told me the grills were off so they couldn't give it to me. That makes sense. You know, I'm supposed to make a cheesecake if the grills are off. You know, I try to have it make sense, but, you know, the oven's off.

They can't possibly cut a slice of cheesecake. Chookles, chookles, what's cheesecake? Well, you heard Briggsene, the ovens are off. It makes perfect sense. That math heads up. Terrible more so, though. Um, well, no, I mean, we have to really sell him his chuckles tomorrow.

Why don't we give him some, like, classic chucklesy things? Classic chucklesy things. You know what I mean? Uh-oh. What is he like? Oh, whiskey showers and plates of walnut brownies. Whistee showers and plates of warm and brownies. Well, no, you're going to say it funnier than that.

Oh, you can't say it funnier than that. No. Oh, Torbeck remembers that sometimes chuckle says, What's your favorite balloon animal? And then he goes, And it's always just a snake. Almost every time. What's your favorite balloon animal?

I guess my V keeps popping with a balloon. This is depressing. Oh. I don't think you can do it. animals. When Tormac hears it back, Tormac's an impression of Chonels isn't very good. Dormac thought he was doing very good. That's how you sound most of the time. That's what I said. That's what Tormac sounds like. Yeah. That's what Dormack sounds like. Yeah. I mean, it is exactly what you sound like.

It's extremely, it's mimicry. It's perfectly accurate. Dormack's starting to understand why people run. How do you sound? You find that you have the ability to verbally to verbally create what you think you sound like to people. It would very much be very similar to that, the Winter Eladron where it's this sophisticated flower. Torbeck believes that Tobek sounds like this.

Torbeck is refined and sophisticated. This is all that Torbeck ever here is coming out of Torbeck's mouth. I don't understand why they run from me in the woods. Tollabek is nothing but kind. Torbeck says, please don't run. He's just Torbeck. Where are you going? Torbeck wants friends. Stop yelling, Torbell. You're going on.

Stop, stop, Torbeck. handsome, well-groomed. This is bad guys. Well, maybe he'll transform back. I mean, I was only one of those sad elagrin. The kitchen is closed. Terrible mortal. It's sad.

I could try to whip something up, Karai. Could I just go in there and try to make something up for four Kenku Chuckles? Poor Kanku Chuckles wants cheesecake. We also settle for chicken pucatta. Ooh, full plates of chicken pucata. Full plates of chicken pucata. Full dinner plates.

Full dinner plates. No dinner plates. Seramic. Seramic. It better be ceramic. Okay, so here's the thing, all right. I've cleaned up his shit twice. He's pissed all over my foundation.

He broke my coffee table. You see that thing that he smashed there? Then he tried to hit on me in a very unbecoming fashion while I was staring longingly at you and now you're not even the person I was falling in love with and now I don't know what I want for Christmas because it's not you anymore. Like anyone would be, I'm flattered by your fascination with me.

Sorry, I'm still stuck on Univited. I don't even like that song. Did you just list what every drunk god does it is in? I look outside, there's like eight guys just pissing on the foundation of the end. You've already eaten it's like two o'clock in the morning. Are you gonna go to bed at any point? Well, after full plate of chicken paccata.

You already had a full plate of chicken paccata earlier today. You need a second one? It was good. I want more capers. Never turn down chicken paccata. You want me to get you just a jar of capers? It's better than nothing. I wouldn't say no to that.

Well, I have one of those in the pantry, and I don't think the cook it's on. I don't have to worry about the grill being on. Like, what if I wanted to make you a slice of cheesecake? After a second plate of chicken paccata, we'll go to there. On the list of things that are naughty. Turning down chicken pucata.

like a top three. I'm not offering chicken but I am offering a jar of tapirs. We'll ever negotiate two jars of capers. I think I only have one jar of capers left. We'll take four. Three jars of capers. I think I only have one jar of capers left.

One jar of capers and a bag of flour. And a full plate. And a side of elk. I don't have a side. What? But in fantasy tabbing is never side of elk. Butterful. Maybe she's got some of the big turkey jocky What you mean borrowing for?

Stoom plums, roasted quail. Oh. I don't remember saying that. Where did that come from? Chicken pagoda. Oh, he's back. He's back. He's back.

You know what? She holds up a sign. Kitchens closed. He slams the door and walks out. I bet she's rolling a D20 right about now. Well, for patience's sake, I think we just go to bed. No, hopefully. Hopefully Chuckles is fixed in the morning,

or we're all doomed. What's the name in the village we're going to? Somethingberg. Jangleburg. Chukles. Chookles are doomed. Yeah. It's gonna be alright.

I'm gonna go see if I can steal them capers. Oh, good on take them and take them into the room, we'll eat them in a nap. Steal them capers. I'm gonna see if I can steal the capers real quick and sneak them into our room before we go to bed so we can enjoy a nice. evening of caper eating before we go to sleep.

Jekyll's gonna have you roll another D12 for me, please. Yes, you had, you already had one. Nine. I'm telling off how naughty you guys are being. And you don't realize how naughty you are. Nine? Nine. You begin crampusing.

You feel that whatever you ate earlier, that first plate of chicken peccata didn't sit well with you. Because your stomach is cramping horribly. You can all audibly hear the gurgling as his body is trying to process whatever is in that chicken faccata. This is what Dormann sounds like. Oh, stop. When he does it, it's so greating.

He used to bathroom. Why don't he touched the bathroom? Dormant sounds like that? Dormann sounds like that. Dormann. It's kind of melodic in the nice way. I don't know. a door bank.

What? What? I sneak into the kitchen. I steal capers, and if I can find some tums, I'll also grab those. You can definitely not find tubs. Thumbs don't exist.

I have some tums? Rule a fantasy tapper. You don't have been even saying. There are no tums? Maybe you ask for fantasy tums, idiot. I want fantasy tums. Roll a stealth check, and I will say you'd roll it at advantage

because Chugles Chugles is making so much noise. It would definitely cloud some of the noise that you would make and then also an investigation. Okay. God, that's funny. Okay. Okay. Dormay doesn't sound like that. A 21 for stealing.

You're starting to get Dormez feelings. This is just unnecessary. And I got a rolled a 14, so I got a 13 for my investigation. Okay. You make your way into the kitchen and you see that the hearth is actually still on. There is currently a delicious spiced pie that's baking inside of the oven.

It looks like it's almost done. You also see that there's a full plate of chicken pucata that's being warmed up and it's about sprite size, so you imagine it's her dinner. Son of a bitch. You see on the shelf that there are in fact three full jars of capers,

opening up the frigid air, which is this just block of ice that has been, door has been carved into it to keep things cool. Inside there there's some frigid air that's keeping four slices of cheesecake nice and cool. Son of a bitch. You see that there is a large, there's a large meat locker.

Half of it is very cool, keeping some meats frozen, but then you also see that there's a portion that's dried. And you see a huge haunch of elk meat. That's hanging up in there. Tons of spices. And then the other thing that catches your attention that you couldn't smell from the main room over the smell of two loads of chuckle shit

was that there is a delicious Christmas stew that's being coached or Yuletide stew that's being cooked. Okay, well, just the one capers. Just fine, that'll be fine. I'll leave the pucata. That's nice, that's for her, that's for her. That's for her. I'm gonna have to take that pie though.

Ow! Oh, that was hot. We just like hear it from the kitchen. No, you can't hear anything over the sound of, he's stealth is determining how successful this collection is. What are you doing while this is going on? I dropped the pie and I'll also grab up. It's just,

B. Brix sounds like this. Yes, yes, stormic sounds like. You're feeling, yeah. Do you have bitty noises to use when she was going, oh? Thank you, Briggsie. But no tongues is what you're saying.

No, Tom. Okay, well, I'll just grab the capers and I'll grab some of the else. You move aside a ceramic pot marked antacid. You move that to the side. I'm looking anywhere for tons, but you can't find the name. I can't find tons at all, I'm sorry. I grabbed the capers.

I try to peel off just the edge of like the elks and it looks like nothing's been taken up. Put that onto a dinner plate and I'll hurry upstairs. Guys, I got elk and I got capers. Are you dragging an entire side of elk? No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like a Euro meated it.

What? I got some milk. That's just a piece of elk, not a side of elk. That's the side of a side of milk. How are we going to trade in the next town with just a piece of elk? Well, I thought we'd eat the elk. I didn't that why you wanted the, I didn't know it was for trading. He was eating elk?

It tastes like shit. Was that the only elk there was? You took all of it? Oh. Why would you want this? What a treat for this? It was a cool fantasy like merchant thing to say. I don't know.

I bet she has salt pork and bags of sugar too. You yell at Bitsy, who tried to do this nice thing for you. You feel the magic as the magics of the Fay Wilde to overcome you. I need to roll a D12 for me, please. How could you fuck up? As I transform. Maybe.

A D12, sorry. I'm sorry, Kanku-Chuckels. I couldn't find any tongue for you, but I found me the capers. The keepers, caper. This is my favorite one. This is all that it says, you're an idiot and you've lit a frozen pole. Hey guys.

Anybody else would go outside with me? Briggs, what's a matter? You don't sound right. No, it's real fun and cold outside. Briggs. Yeah. I just think my whole hand.

It does. That's too many of wants. You do that, and I'll say for the sake of making this easy and brevity, you grab the mason jar It's written on there made by Mason. Mason's jar. And as you take the lid off, this had been frozen and you lick the caper juice

off of the lid and your tongue sticks directly to it. I want to walk into a doorway. The brain is the whole thing. The skin is starting to. I close it and try to snap off. on my tongue. You successfully snap off your tongue. Oh!

You watch Briggs's tongue still attached to the Mason jar lid. I need to have it. The tongue starts moving on its own and it starts to wiggle towards the fireplace. Briggs, what's going on? Thank you for the search of bravery. I couldn't get it off.

My tongue, I couldn't talk to you guys. Oh, come back, come back. Keepers. I want a terrible mortal life. And with that, I'm gonna sadly like have a caper and then he's climbing in bed. Gosh, I don't know if Chuck is gonna be okay. Oh, Torbeck really hopes so.

I feel bad stealing that elk, not knowing what it was for and for stealing the capers and for covering that tavern and all that shit. What? Why do you do? All that shit. It was... Tewcles, chookles.

Yeah, but I feel partly responsible because we're like a team. Chookles, chookles. Responsible. We're not a very good team. Everyone thinks we're heroes, but we're kind of a mess all the time. What don't we even do?

What? Why don't we even do to be heroes? What? What? What are we even to be heroes? What? What? Why don't we even do?

Mountain dew, and we heroes. Mountain dew, heroes? Oh, my egg. I take the Schmason jar and I pull it a little knife and I just like cut off, I like separate from my tongue and I stick it back on. Like I do my other body parts. You stick it back on backwards though.

So the tip is now stuck to put it up. I don't know to fucking represent that mechanically. I'm kidding. You can talk normally. Is anyone even remember what we did to become heroes? No. I think Chucko's remembered. Hey, Chocos,

Do you remember when we... Oh, God, the music's really loud. Hopefully wasn't too loud. Oh, so we did all that. We saved the town from a crampus. Mr. Witchmiser? Mr. Witchmiser? Oh, yeah.

He was there. I'm not going anywhere near Gryla. And Groner was spoken of, Harley. Oh, it's all so fuzzy. Oh, I can't remember much. And then there was that communist that we killed. Oh, yeah. He's a communist.

Good of him. Gosh, that feels like so long ago Yeah And then Torbeck pissed on the queen Wow He's not denying it Yeah Oh yeah

It's all coming back to me That was very strange time Yeah, I can't imagine We've had some weird times in the Faywild But that was a really weird day It's been a long year Yeah, lot just happened. Well, with any lot, chocles will be okay in the morning,

and we can sign whatever we need to sign, and we can do a good job together. Let's wake up and we'll make our way to Frostburg and we'll be all set. I think it's Jingleberg. What? Jingleberg. Yeah, what do you say?

Yeah, what do you think? It's Jingleberg. Well, that's you're right. Moons, raccoons over my. I'll, all cozy up into it, in a bad mood. Rackoes over my mind. Good night guys. You know right if I played with this part of your toe?

Good night, guy. Good night, guy. Good night, guy. Good night, strange kanku man. Good night, kanku. We need a cool, like, Kanku version of Chuckles to name them, like we had mucles and mucles. What about Kanku? Kenkels.

Oh, there's Ken Koolew. What about Krokel? No. What about Klockels? That's these sort of chicken-esque. We can workshop it. Cluckles. Good night, Klockles. Good night, Klockles.

Klockles. Terrible most love. And though she clearly hated you, Kariah Mary left out for each of you, a plate of cookies. and warm milk and with your bellies filled with sweets and the warm milk relaxing all of you, you drift into a peaceful, joyous, yule-tide sleep.

How long is this milk? You all wake up in the morning and you find yourselves another day closer to the Yule's Eve, Yule Tide Eve. And you know that you have two days to make it through these four villages and your way up to meet the Holly King and these festivities, and it just does not feel.

like you have enough time to do this, especially after that night, because it's 8 o'clock now. But that's what's laid out before you, and you're going to have to find some way to make it happen. As you all wake up, no longer Kenku, no longer under any effects of anything that had inhibited you the night prior, you all feel like yourselves. Wow, guys, I had the craziest booze-infused nightmare. Yeah? Yeah. First, I shit my pants, and then I died, and then I shot my pants again. That all happened.

And then you died again? And then I was a bull, and then I died again, or then I was a cat, and then I was a bull, and then I was bull, and then I died again. and then I died again. And I was a bird, and I could only mimic. All of that happened. And then they were talking about rangoons. Yeah.

And then I tried to do a comedic bit that was very dated in the year 2000. And I decided to adapt it to modern audiences. And then it wasn't very boring, so I moved on very quick. Yeah, well, yeah. I won't say any more about that. And then, oh God.

What else happened? Through the caper's capework? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. And then I think there's more shit and pits somewhere there. We should probably get out of here because I broke a pie last night, and I don't know if we're going to be blamed or no. Wow.

And we only have two days to get through four different towns. So that's like a half a day in each town. So we got to shake a leg. Are we going to have to walk? What? What? Shake a leg? Yeah.

Dormick doesn't mean action. Actually shake a leg. It's a euphemism. Ooh. Like shake a leg down the stairs and out the door. It's a turn to frame. How are we gonna get there fast? Are we gonna have to walk?

How old are we gonna get there? I get busy. Down the stairs. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. One foot after the other, yeah. Be. Eat, er. Ugh.

Is there like a carriage? No. Man, this plate really smelled like shit. Let's get out of here. We leave. We go to the next room. We're gonna start walking quickly. Should we hustle?

I have an idea. I take off my hat. I'm mechanically to do this. I reach in and I pull out an elaborate ornate sled. From where? My creation bar. I can create a little bit of a little. 50 gold. So a sled worth 50 gold.

That's a pretty fancy slad. Is what I'd like to create. Fink. We don't know anything to pull it. But like it with a hill. I guess you're going to start pushing. We're at the top of like a 30-fitt. Like we have to go all the way to the next town.

We're just a 30-foot little grade. Oh! My face is it. It's almost all the way. It's an old. Okay, I probably have the idea that we just push it uphill. I described it to you that you were at the end, at the top of a large hill, and down in the valley below was the little

So you would be able to ride the sled straight out. Yeah, it's doing. We all pile. What was that? Let's hope we don't crash and die. Goodbye, Karaya. I'm sorry. You see her in the back.

do you see her in the back room cleaning up all the glass shards from the broken pot. Goodbye in at the pince room. This podcast is brought to you by a Legends of Aventrys, Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventrys and gain access to tons of exclusive Legends of Aventrists perks, including a monthly movie night with Legends of Aventris and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign by Legends of Aventrists set on the high seas, Stroud Over Saltmarsh presented by Legend of Adventress.

You can also go to the Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement. The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragon 5th edition. And don't forget to snack all them extra goodies like dice and miniatures and plushes and a tarot deck and more. Thank you from Legends of Evantris. Standing atop the hill, the four of you come together. as Chuckles creates a sled for you to sail down to Jingleberg. You look back on the inn where you had a night of coziness for a time until it turned into all out shenanigans.

And you believe you have begin to understand a bit more about this place and how it works and what was warned to you in the letter about your emotions and how they could get to you and change your state of being. And with that new knowledge and a fresh, nice rest, you all pile on top of the sled and rock it down the hill. And you take the winding turns through the fir trees until you find yourselves sailing along the road and directly into this town.

This is a quaint town. Every single one of the houses seems to be made out of gingerbread. bread. Oh. Yeah. There's no breaks on this thing! Oh. I thought something happened in chat we needed to address, and that's why I stopped. Oh, no, no, no, no. I would just role play. Presumably we crush into one of the gingerbread houses and properly murder a gingerbread family. Oh, we never know. It's like the gingos from banjo towing. Oh, yeah. They could run over by the war machine. You sail into town on your sled. This town is quaint. It's adorable.

The houses are made of gingerbread. They are decorated with candies of varying kinds. And every single one of the doors is marked with a single jingling bell. Whenever the door opens, you can hear the jingling sounds throughout town. It's almost as if the other houses respond in kind and they play a merry little tune.

And it's quite peaceful and quite nice. And as you sail into town, many of the fay folk that live here, you hear them. gasp in shock and excitement. You see children clutch their tetties close to them as they call out to their parents that, oh, did you see that was Briggs? And that's Torbeck, he's real. And everyone seems to be so excited as you sail into town. And as almost as if you're gliding on magic itself, you find yourselves circling around a large fir tree that's been set up in the center of this village.

There are people milling all around it as they're decorating it for Yuletide. And you circle the tree a few times before coming to a stop and to loud, uproarious cheers. You find yourselves welcome to Jingleberg as heroes. And the two people that were the nicest are Bitsy and Briggsy. which one of you would like to roll the D12 for this tab? Torbeck thinks there should be a recount. You know what? Actually, you're right, because Torbeck, you... No, you were the nicest.

We were pretty nice. No, you were. You had the same amount, but you had less naughty. So, no, you're right. Torbeck... That's not the whole time. Torbeck, just like everybody else, I forgot about you. Yeah! Torbeck will forgive you this one time! No, you do get to roll because you were the least not.

because you were the least in cheap, but you tried for nine. The DM's bones are safe for now. And I did kick bitchy them, a D12? A D12, yeah. Bones. Seven.

I hope that's fine. This determines, thank you, chat for this list. This determines the town effect that you're going to have, that you're going to undergo. Oh, no. I made a horrible mistake. Seven.

Seven. Seven. That's lucky. Tenish. You are met. by tons of people here. They are bringing you trays and trays of cookies and milk.

And you are rabidish. You cannot stop eating the cookies and drinking the milk. Please, I can't let's go. Unfortunately, you all find yourself gluten intolerant and lactose intolerant. Surely this won't come back to bind us. We should get to that fan sighting right away, right guys?

And surely we're through all of the shooting humor in this section, let me just enjoy the cookies. I'm gonna do this whole glass of milk. I need all these cookies. Definitely no, midnight. And I'm gonna sit on one plate for two hours. Not mad diarrhea. You know that you won't be staying in this town all day.

You know that you have two towns to get to today. And so you're not expected to be, you're not expecting to be put out in, an inn or a tavern. And you know that the inn for this town is up on that hill that you just left anyway. You find yourselves in this position realizing that it doesn't seem that this town has any sort of communal bathrooms. How are you going to manage this?

I truly don't know. And I should have thought about that before. I put that one on the list. That's what we're at now. As you are given all of these things, people begin to line up to meet you and to get to know you. And you see that a nice young man in his family brings out a table and some chairs, and they get you set up right next to this tree, so that just like kids going to sit on the Holly King's lap

and let him know what they want for Christmas, everyone in town can come meet you and get your autograph and talk to you for a little bit. You notice that there are these large, Not large, but they're these small, what look like little Yeti-like creatures that are just roaring with fire. They're about a foot and a half tall, and they are led over next to you,

and they bumble and grumble, but they begin to just bellow warm air on you to keep you warm in this frigid landscape, like little Yeti heaters. And they are on either side keeping you warm so that you don't freeze out, side in the snow as people begin to line up. And you're given about 10, maybe 15 minutes

to get yourself settled in as you continue to eat your cookies and milk before the townsfolk are going to start approaching you. As we're getting settled in, anybody looking at Tourbeck who would be familiar with him on a more regular basis would notice that he's kind of like hunching a bit more than normal and he's moving a little bit slower and he looks a little swollen.

And like it's, it's slainting It's slowly getting worse and worse. And as we're getting ready for the fans to come up, every time Torbeck moves, you can almost start to hear the tendonitis from his joints swelling. And it's bad, it sounds awful. Like it brings you in here, it's like,

as like my joints are swelling. And there's a lot of inflammation happening in poor Torbeck's body. It's hard for Torbeck to grip the pan. also sitting and looking stiff, just trying to hold herself in position with what she was just sort of, oh, it feels good to be rich and famous.

Here, oh, whole gingerbread cookie. My pants out of ink. Does anybody got another quill? Oh, where's our handler? Oh, yes. Gary, Jerry, we need some, Two pens, please. And can we get some silver pens to?

Also bring Dormack some more cookies. Is his face is starting to swell even more? There is no handler named Jerry, but there was a small dwarf-like creature that made his way towards you very similar to mountain dwarves that you had seen in a ventriss, but much more akin to the frigid climate of the forest in the... in the winter court, you're not quite sure what this, what kind of fake creature that this entity is, but he seems almost like a mix between a winter

a Lager and a mountain dwarf. And he grumbles towards you and responds to all of your requests, bringing you more pens and some silver ink, or more pants, I'm sorry. And some silver ink, some more cookies, some more milk. He makes sure to exchange the, the fire yumblings when the two that are there get lightheaded with more fire yumblings

to continue to keep you warm. What's your name? And as you call him Jerry, he snaps up at you and he says, names Keith. He starts with the next chap. Oh, Keith. I'm sorry, Jerry was from the last time.

He's a lot of handlers over the last three days. So Keith continues to help and assist you in whatever way that you. White, Keith! And I stand there as I was inspecting the area, and I see the whiteboard. That's right outside of our table where it was signing. This is Legends of Adventors.

Sorry about that. They were a guest yesterday. And he takes it, and he writes, Chuckles, Bitsy, Torbeck, and the rest, and he puts it down in front. It's close enough. Where do the meevil start going? When do you start signing things?

I think that they're gonna let them out of the line in like groups. Yeah. My throat got destroyed. I'm gonna milk. He's cooking really good. Is there any more milk? You know what fleming?

Keith continues to exchange one jug of warm milk for another jug of warm milk. Oh, oh. Torrebeck's a little stiff. Keith, are you any benedrude or any other kind of antihistamines? I'm getting a little heavy. Also, Torbett can't stop sweating. Can we move those little creatures farther away?

Yeah, he moves the fire yumblings out a little bit. It gets slightly cooler. Torbeck is moist. Occasionally a breeze rushes in and chills your skin for a while, but it's not enough. We got us. I'm going to get this done real family. I don't think I can stand for any portraits, okay?

It's fine. It's at this point that Keith removes the barricade between you and the townsfolk, and families start to come up. A small family of brownies makes their way over to you. The mother moving her children up towards you as they point and look, and they all feel kind of nervous to be there talking to you. The first person that walks up to Torbeck, the second that he stops scratching at his neck

and reaches out to grab and shake a hand, the fur is gone and underneath are these horrific, swollen red, like, welts. Like clearly some sort of allergic rash is happening from the inflammation. Oh, Torbeck is pleased to me. The mother smacks her child's hand away from yours and just wait, just wait, just wait.

from a fall. It's fine, Torbac. Like the Zayk. Yeah, don't worry. Torbeck love little children. Oh, the Dormack's favorite. The kids who were so excited and looking at you with the jubilence,

they all start to look a little bit nervous. Don't go, little kids. Anybody's not feeling very well, but I'm right is reed. You're so swollen that your- All my organs I peep out. You're so swollen that your chunk can't stay in place and keeps popping out.

It hits one of the smaller child's directly into the face and I starts crying as his nose swells and begins to bleed. Torbeck is becoming more nergol than bug hair. I just need to get my head. Okay. He makes you commit various war crimes. I'm gonna commit so many war crimes.

War crimes. War crimes. Oh, hold the camera. Say chookles, chookles. Chookles, churcels. Chudcles. Oh, good. Good little boy. Oh, what do you want?

Oh, you want a shout out? Oh, it's Lil Jeremy's birthday. Junkles, chookles, chookles, That's war crime. Tourbeck's hands have become so like gnarled and tangled that like Briggsie has to like stick the pen between his fingers

just so that Torbeck can attempt to like sign you with a quilt. Just keep fucking movement. Just keep moving. Hey, why is you fucking dunkin? I don't know what you're expecting. Don't have it. Did you just cuss at a child?

Don't you ever, you don't meet your fucking heroes. Sometimes you haven't, but the movie cookies are so good. We don't feel so well. We had a long-landed-bidden check. Don't say those words. Don't say those words. You're about a quarter of the way through the line at this point. Oh, God.

Don't get up for fun. The torn back is swollen, and he can't get up. And he's like kind of spherical. And there's like drool. down his like bloated face, like over. I'm just gonna touch you in a few places, pressure point style, you're gonna be feeling like a million bucks in a second, okay?

I punch you in like three distinct places attempting to relieve the pain for hopefully a moment using my medicinal touch. Does that perhaps do anything mechanical? You can't you? You can't you? Yeah, I'm, uh. This is something you can do.

the, what is it called? The lactose intolerance seems to completely fade from you. You now find that you can just drink this milk easily now, and all the side effects from the lactose intolerance are gone. You're still gluten intolerance. So I'm still horrifically swollen,

but I'm not nauseous anymore, or he's gassing. Yeah, exactly. There's no visible physical change. Dornbeg is just, he's less good, right? He's very job of the huddish. No, cold, gold, Oh, la, hootent, oh, la, lo, moogie, bitty, oh, lo, la.

Man, artist, if we don't get this, Bidthia, Solace, Chrome with Java, Torbett. I'm so disappointed. Torbeck the Hut. We need a briezy gamery in guard. 100%. And we need a chuckles Max Rebo. And all the other clowns are his band.

The only way we get these portraits done, he realizes if you just come behind where Torbeg is stuck in his job. Yeah. Come on, over here, over here. Okay. Okay. You got to stand for a portrait.

Okay. Hold on, you ship. Hold on. Hold on. I almost cut. Okay. Okay. Signed.

Chukult's war cry. Chooko chooka One moment, I'll kind of like waddle over to like behind like a house Now I'm just to get up my band leg This is the worst fan signing a hole Okay, yeah I'm just got my fan laying behind the house

You got some kind of like container Like a bucket or something I need anything Anything that's slip underneath the tape Yeah, I can get you a bucket And he brings a bucket very quickly Okay, just cover them for me you guys I'm gonna go on a new. Oh, well, children!

Oh! I'm gonna huddle underneath the table and just unleash into this bucket. First time in Jingleburg, huh? Well, I've been to every drink. Sorry, what was that? Candy cane woods. I've never been there, but I hear it's beautiful country.

Oh, you know, floppy, gloppy. Oh, I actually go way back. You know, I hear the candy cane forest is known for a steak and cheese. Oh, no. Where would you recommend I get my steak and cheese from? Oh, thank you for. So much. Oh, thank you so much.

It's so much better. Oh, what's he? Oh, Jerry's the stakes? All right, okay. I'll be right back with the- fucking bucket. That's just under there. Might be little top-door.

Oh, okay. Hold on. It's like a finger's length. It's a very top, perfectly stable. Why? That's canon now. I hate this. I'll be right back.

It's all just taken. And then you'll hear it slush and a thing. And I'll hear it slush. You know, good container. Where did you throw it? We're in front of a tree, right? Behind a gingerbread house. The tree is in the very center of the circular town square.

100% behind a gingerbread house. Behind a gingerbread house. Definitely behind the gingerbread house. Yeah, okay. And so. He'll be right back. He's just fine. Everything's fine.

He'll be right back. That's Canada. Oh. Oh. Torback. Doesn't have a catchphrase. All right, I'll start for you. I walk crime, chugles, chugles,

happy birthday, little Jimmy. You're about halfway through the line. It's coarse enough, chookles, chookles. Chuck's, we got more portraits coming up. Chookles, chookles, happy war crimes day, birthday, kitty. I left the bucket. We need a new bucket. I don't need another bucket.

I'm fring out. You say is you down another glass? of warm milk. I'm fine. It's going to be alive. How does this affect me being undead? I would honestly say it's not really affecting you all that much. Yeah, I peaked in my organs, so they're all, they're chilling.

Yeah, they're chilling. Yeah, they're chilling. Organs are a little while irritated, but yeah. The problem. One of the kids grabbed your kidney. Can you find this, please? Can I have your oral group perception? Oh, this is my.

Sure. Oh, Bozo the Cloud. Yeah, that's cli. Oh, curly. Yeah. Oh, curly, oh, yeah, close enough. Close enough. Yeah, yeah, more crime.

Can I use a twist of nice? Oh, I should do okay, I got a 17. What are you rolling? I got an age. Perception, a twist, yes. We got them. I got it, I'll use a twist. Thank you, chat.

Make you chat. I was meant to fail. I need to. I'm sorry. I apologize. 21. I apologize. Rich?

18. Yeah, I think 18. You're about halfway through this line and you, something, though you have all been dealing with your various intolerances, there's something you've begun to notice. There are significantly less children

than you'd expected. And the ones that have been there, the parents seem to be very, very protective, And you begin to scan the gingerbread houses, and you realize that many of them, the decorations are not lit, or they look like they'd been taken down hastily. And instead, there have been black draperies

of mourning, or there are signs. I'll say you notice on certain lamp posts. You see signs for a variety of missing children. missing children. Oh, boy. Oh, you like the shorts, do you? Well, I'm from a long-form campaign, but anyway, now Chuggles is right over there.

Oh! Nice. Night, oh yeah, brief B is pretty funny. Yeah, yeah, he is. He contributes. He contributes. He's a good, he's a good teammate. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, we're working on the podcast. I appreciate that you prefer that. Thank you for your feedback. I'll let the team know. All right, here you go. I'll wait until I have a fan who is alone and doesn't look like they would have lost a kid or anything.

Just like someone who, you know, mid-20s, I don't know. Just the average person. Somebody that I think would be safe to ask questions about what's going on. Yeah, one of those people makes their way towards you and kind of shaking as they hand over their little autograph book for you. Oh, thank you.

Before I sign, I assume that's getting to know. Yeah, that'd be cool. Just between you and me, I've got two questions. One, when you drink milk, does it hurt? No. OK, number two, there seems to be a lot of folks who are sort of like morning, because I see some of the windows.

They got black drapes and stuff. Is there something going on, something bad? He looks around and can see that the people that are closest to him are very clearly engaged with chuckles and Bixby and Torbeck. And so he feels like he can have a candid conversation with you without being overheard, but he still leans in as if to maintain a little bit of secrecy, a little bit of privacy. Yeah. So the Yule festivities started, you know, 10 days ago now.

And, uh, kids started going missing. Literally 10 days ago now. Nobody knows what's going on. It's been ramping up every day. And nobody quite knows why. And up until recently, the Holly King was responding to our queries. But as of last night, he's gone completely silent.

The Holly King's not responding to these missing kids? No, and all of the lights are out in his city. It's as if it's abandoned completely. What? Are all the kids? kids made of gingerbread? What? No. Oh, well, that sounds real bad.

Yeah, I don't know what we're going to do about it. Well, we've got to find them kids. But it feels like it's affecting the town at the very least. Like, things here have changed. I don't know if you've noticed, but the snow's not falling. And as he mentions this, you look up and you see that, though there's snow blanketing the ground, it's very clear that it has stopped falling completely.

and the smells, the Yuletide smells of like chestnuts roasting on an open fire and cinnamon and fir trees, it's dampened and it's getting worse. And he breathes in the cold air and you do too and you realize that he's right. You had just thought maybe it was your allergies, your swollen sinuses, your intolerance to gluten and lactose that led you to a feeling like the smell here were dampened, but you remember arriving here yesterday and it's smelling like winter's fire and that cozy scent that you associate with this kind of place, even the smell of the gingerbread houses, it's almost completely gone. Oh, I have two more questions if that's all right real fast. Yeah, okay.

Is there a Holly Queen? No. Okay. And what's your name? Oh, yeah. My name is Abbegee Greenbeed. Abbegee Greenbee. Yeah.

Yeah, I heard from one of my favorite dungeon masters that you should just pull up a name generator if you want the best names in the game. Abbe. Agi Green Bean. I would say, thanks, A.G. My friend. Perfect.

That's canon now. It was a penis. I'm sorry, what? There you go. Oh, mom's gonna freak. He puts it in his bag and walks away. No, Dorbeck doesn't have a seat. C in it. Yes.

Torback is sure out of spell Torback's name. Next. O-U-R-B-A-T-K. Do you like, it's canon now? Well, first, that's bitty, but also, you know, it's a common misconception that it's canon now. And the actual quote is, that's canon now. And if you know, then the Wikipedia page,

and I go on and explain the origin of why there's a misconception for it's canon. now versus the correct that's canon now. That's a bit condescending. Is that you wrong on Wiki? No, I just most people say it's canon now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny as we're making a very meta-jurl. It's very mad. As funny as fuck.

You forgot to ask in a gingerbread village are the houses made of flesh or are the people made of house? Oh, that's a good question. We can ask one of these other random NPCs. She's got a name generating now. The people are just people. None of them are made of

gingerbread. I know. I know. I know. I just I've been picturing gingerbread. I thought they were gingerbread. No, the houses are made of gingerbread, but they're just random fake creatures. No, I caught that. I was just wondering. No, I thought these were gingerbread people.

That's why I asked if milk hurt. He was very confused. Family everyone was. Oh. Chookles, chukles, war crimes. Okay. Well, it's not Biggsby, it's Briggs. You go.

You're about 75. 5% of the way through the line. It's not brigsie. Briggs. Oh wait, it's not crem-y, it's briggsie. Uh, why don't, if people keep calling me cremie for some reason. That's very funny. That's pretty funny.

It's not even close. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, what are you done? Oh, oh. Oh, no. Are you feeling all right? Brimby, you're rubbing off on me.

You're okay? And not in the fun way. Do you want me to like, get a pen and stab you in the fruit? Oh, sorry. And my flesh is like sloughed off a little bit on you. Thank you. Oh. I think Torbeck might be dead soon.

Torbeck. Oh, my God. Is that where he's closing up? Oh, no. He's beyond repair. I'm reaching behind my back. I'll pull out a giant carton revolver. I think we've got to put it down.

Children, look away. Look away, children. Wait. Doesn't he just need a trache? I need a trait. Stand! Oh. I've seen it on the show.

Hold on. I'm watching Talk. Call Dr. Bozo. And I'll walk over to Torbeck. Okay, Dr. Bozo. Can you hear me? Yes, chuckle. Yeah, it's Torbeck again.

Yeah, you need the trick. No, I haven't been watching Anacondon repeat. No, it isn't an excuse to just like someone's throat open. Of course I already have the straw on me. It's not awfully convenient. I just need to walk me through this. Okay? Torbek is so swollen, you can't find his neck.

Except for the place where he had torn all of the hair away. There's like a small line. It is angry red. Is that gonna be big enough? I've got this oversized milkshake straw from Silver Diner. Okay. Dr. Bozo said Silver Dirty's salt. Oh.

Leverdited milkshakes straw. Okay. Okay. We're gonna need some sort of knife. I could just shoot a whole little. I could just shoot a holo with my gun. No, no, it's crazy. I could shoot a holo with my gun.

Oh. Well, do we have anything else? Dr. Bozo, would you recommend anything else? I've got a shotgun. Oh, do that. Okay, you get ready to shoot in all six to see. Okay, where am I supposed to shoot him? You know what's really unclear, Dr. Bozo?

Dr. Bozo. You run out of battery? Oh, I forgot Dr. Bozo. of dying side you. Oh, no. Well, I'll just destroy. That's a Dr. Both who would want.

I put my head on. Hurry. I didn't know what's true. And then put the shotgun against his neck. And I think like this like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So snow is just painted red. Flesh and fur.

It's just, it's most violent like thing that's ever, Because it's a winter miracle, it spells Torbeck. Amazing. Aisha, you don't here you go. Are you actually doing all this? I mean, you haven't stopped it. I need you to roll a death saving throw for me, please.

Oh shit. 18. You didn't die on impact. You, this does happen. People to breathe through the straw. You're feeling kind, you're feeling pretty well. And I'm going to say that that's real fucked up, chuckled. I mean, you're all in details, please.

Now, bitty-out. Yeah, I was going to drink was, how. Become convinced you are Santa Claus. You are not. You feel bad at me? Oh, ho, ho, little boy. Dormack's name is Dormack. Dormack is not a little boy.

I'm so glad that you can. breath, see that oversized milkstakes straw? Torbeck is glad to. What do you want for your December ween, child? A new neck. Oh, well, goodness gracious, in order to do that, you're gonna have to sit on Santa's lap. I'm still horrifically swollen.

Hold on, walking out. Hold on me roll them over. If you, as you pick me up, some of my skin and hair like sloths off. Yeah, I just sort of roll you, towards Chuckles. You're gonna have to like get on the ground, like sit, you know, sit just down. There you go.

Torbik is prone. His head is kind of on your lap. I'm gonna roll him, you know, like saving Private Ryan style if he was his head in your lap. Are we all set? Oh, ho, ho, ho. Okay, everyone, Chuckles, Chuckles, Chuckles! Oh, Tchooples, Chouples, more times.

Oh, chugoole, shingles. Oh, ho, ho. Happy December we. A really shitty kid runs up and blows into the straw. Yeah, Tourmex lungs burst. He dies. I'm gonna go up, guys. Oh, shit.

Thank you. Thanks, guys. You just killed Torbeck, kid. Tourbeck, we'll not be back for which light. It's over. Thanks. Oh, my God. They killed Tolbeck.

You bastard. That wasn't very nice. You should roll a nominist. What's your name? What's your name? Come back here. Bear, spider wings. You name is bear spider wings? Break his neck. You watch your master, you'll be missing two real soon.

And him, Bitsy. I would like you to roll a D12 for me, please. Both Briggsie and Bidsey. Make him pay for his sins. Okay, hold on. Fing, fink. Five. Bitsy's got a shot gun.

Oh, God. Oh, seven again. That's not again. The last time you got a six. Oh. Would you too like to switch just for how fun this would be? It depends what it is, yeah. I mean, whatever you think.

You become a feral tobacco and feel the need to mark your territory, and Bitsy's legs would fuse together. I fall, the shotgun goes off. I've careened in one direction, and then finally come to a sliding stop. What the fuck? Happen. I don't know.

That kid, Bear Spider-Spider. wings runs over to you and just pushes you over. Torback would do anything to have his neck fuse back together. I'll heal you as soon as I get. Do it now. And you'll turn and you'll see that I've become a large, rotund, orange cat with stripes.

Just end him because why live anyway? Monday will come around again. The equivalent of Monday. The equivalent of Monday. Oh wait, hold on. I know how to help. Dr. Bozo. Yeah, with another few legs.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, the shotgun again. Just shreds you today. Jerry. Before you kill that kid. Do it here. Jerry. Do you have any lasagna I could have?

My name. Keith. Oh, Keith. Well, Keith, I need some lasagna, please. Yeah, I think that could be arranged. Is there a conflict of interest that I have a similar but vaguely distinct personality to Torbeck? He didn't have time to answer if he rushed off to get you your lawn. Oh, okay. Well, doing a Bill Murray impression is kind of hard. Yeah, that's a tough one.

That's a real tough one. As we're taking pictures and... Yeah, you have about 5% of the line left. Chuckles is on the phone. My head is still, like, kind of in Chuckles' lap unless he's pushed me away. No, I'm still here. I'm looking around trying to get on garrings,

and I notice there's some weird, very weird, like, kind of unsettling person, like collecting Torbex's, like, fall off hair pieces and, like, sticking them in a little bag. Put that down We can't have Torbex hair

No, don't take that You freak of nature Leave torbex hair in the snow Hey look I got the scarf Yeah Oh yeah, Dr. Bozo How's the family

How's the kids? Ho-ho-ho Oh yeah, no No, I actually I know that they're that I see them when they're sleeping I see when they're awake too I know when they've been naughty as well

Yeah, no, let them know I don't know that Chuckles knows when they've been naughty in night and that he knows when they're sleeping. And he's always watching them. Yeah. Yeah. Then no matter what they do at all times, Chuckles is watching. Yeah.

Stop kicking me. He does not stop kicking you. Bear Spider Wings is a shit and he has decided you're his target. I've had enough. Oh, here. He says to give you the shotgun. I'm ass and I throw the shotgun and I start to crawl towards him and I'm eventually just going to like pull myself up

the fabric of his pants and up his shirt and eventually look at him and like, do you want to kick me again? Do you really want to kick me again? Roll an intimidation jacket advantage. Bitsy's gone feral. Unless I can twist. It's up to you whether you can twist.

Yeah, damn, 11. With an 11, this is a child. It does not take much to intimidate a child and a Bitsy crawling through the snow, an unhinged Bitsy crawling through the snow, climbing up his clothing and shaking him violently while screaming into his face does it as tears begin to spill out of his eyes as he begins to sniffle and cry and he attempts to shove you off. And he is able to just long enough. He slips on some ice and he falls over

snotts pouring out of his nose as he cries and starts calling for his mom. You have a real cool name, but you watch yourself. There's a matter. And you see that he runs into the Jim Gerbread house that Chuckles had been shitting and pissing on about 30 minutes ago. Only shitting. Oh, ho, ho. Oh, that can't be good for the signing.

Okay, I'm back. Well, that boy has been very naughty and it's going. on the Noddy Lift. Thank you, Santa Chuckles. I know when he is sleeping and I know when he's awake. Your omniscience is terrifying, Santa Chuckles.

It is neither terrifying nor heartwarming. It simply is. My omniscience was here in the beginning. It will be here when all things turned to the void. Juckles has a weird sense of clarity today. It's all true. Well, Bithy, Dr. Bozo didn't give me any advice on how to unfuse your legs

because he'd been dead for five years. I know. And maybe I'm just going to be like this forever. And it's at this time the last person in line. Oh, two cold war crimes. Oh, that's getting out. Keith, my lasagna. There is a piping hot lasagna.

This is lasagna pizza. Who the fuck? would willingly eat this. That's not very nice to do to eat. Well, I'll eat it anyway. I think don't mind. Are we done? I think we're done. Can you roll to work into the

sleigh and get us out of here? If I put eight slices of lasagna pizza on top of each other, is it eight slices of lasagna pizza or one slice of lasagna pizza? I think it's just one slice of pizza still, the matter. Because look, there's layers, right? Oh, no.

Now that I'm flesh and blood, I have gluten and lactose intolerance. Oh. You hear my stomach start to gurgle. I need to go mark my territory. And I go behind all the gingerbread houses and start shotgun and everything, yeah. You notice that a few of the gingerbread houses start to crack and crumble as their foundations are soaked

with tabaxi piss and the gingerbread can't hold up. I don't know why these normal people would build their fucking houses out of such poor construction material, but. Because it's magic. It's magic. Oh, little adults, would you care for a December wean? You say this to nobody.

Would you like new houses that's dirtier material? Tacels, please, they're all gone. I see them there. They are waking currently. We have to go. I'll leave them. While they wake. Torbeck is begging you.

Get Torbeck in the sled. I would help you, Torbeck, but my legs are fused together. Unless we can't do a thing. Sweet floating yellow chair, I can't do a thing. Torbeck believes if we can get out of here, we'll be fixed. Okay, guys, I'm ready to go. Do you help both of us into the sled? I'm totally.

Totally emptied. What? You need help? Yeah, we need help. Yeah, we need help. Oh, I could really use a nap. I don't know. I could call an obnoxious dog to annoy you.

Oh, I would certainly hate that. Well, fucking get us into this goddamn flat. Wouldn't that be entertaining for 38 years? And I pushed, I push, uh, Dorebeck and Bitsie. They better be good for goodness. Hey, Douglas come on. They are all naughty. Politicians.

We have. to go to the next town. Oh, I almost forgot my shotgun. All that one hand and just V-H-ha-ha-ha. Come on. Keith, Lazzania, Keith. I need more.

He pulls on another, I need more lasagna, more pan of lasagna and puts it down in front of you. Bring it to me. I hunger. More lasagna. Oh, that's what you want for December. Yes.

I want all the lasagna. Yes. I want all the lasagna. I see that you are on the knife list. Let me fetch you your pasta legend. With your omniscience, you should know that that which we call substance and reality is really shadow and illusion.

And that which we call shadow and illusion is substance and reality, can you not? The layers of lasagna were simply the layers of our fragile existence held together, not by ricotta of a dairy cow, but the ricotta of the frail morality, so easily shattered in a realm that cares not if we are naughty or nice.

All there truly is the chaos void of naughty or nice. And that of the void, the beings that cross the fourth dimension on membranous wings soar through the ether will herald our doom. Well, I hope they lead out milk and good. Let's go. I turn and I fire the shotgun behind us in the sled and it brokets us out of the town. So you guys are just gonna leave the town

and head on to the next one. Yes, that's what we've done. Are we gonna look for the missing? You're leaving town and Rocky. You had, there was the reason I had throngs of NPCs waiting to talk to all of you. You are moving on to the next town. And you have-

No, I'm having the shotgun behind me. It doesn't move us. It's ridiculous. It just kills 30 NPCs. It propels you forward a little bit. And you are able to, you hit a patch of frozen piss that skirt you forward and you find yourselves rocketing out of town, almost magically propelled by this sled.

As you make your way out of Jingleburg and you find yourselves in heading towards a hog, Holly Hollow. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shroud of her Salt Marsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash Legends of Aventriss. If you want to chat about the episode with the Aventriss community, join us on Discord at Legends ofaventris.com forward slash discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram. So make sure. you follow our socials at Legends ofevangrous.com forward slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror 5E supplement published by us.

Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again and we'll see you next time.