Legends of Avantris - Walking in a Witchlight Wonderland | A Yuletide One-Shot | Part 2

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

After realizing strange things were happening in the Winter Court, the gang tries to find the Holly King! Part 2 of 2!   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/0s9IKjFOc9g?si=j_fKsN5A4VBDCX34

Welcome the Legends of a Ventress. You were rocketing through the snow and winding between fir trees as some of the things that Apagy Greenbeed said to you. Incredible. Yeah, Apogee Greenbeed. As you think about some of the things that he said to you about the fact that these smells have been dampened. Overall, yule-tide cheer has been,

dampened and that the children have gone missing and that the snow has stopped falling. And you think about this for a little bit before you are focused by the trees just rushing past you. And eventually you find yourself shooting out of a large thicket of forest and sliding across a frozen lake and all surrounding it and almost like a moon shape like here in this little hollow of trees. you find what is very clearly holly hollow. All of the cottages are made from beautiful wood, and they are all decorated with bits of holly and tinsel.

Once again, there is a large tree erected in the center. And as you slide into town, everyone's cheering and excited for you. As you arrive, none of them having gotten the mail that was definitely sent from a Jingleberg to warn of your... and panting arrival and what to expect. Did you click. So everyone is still incredibly excited for you to be here. As very similarly to the first, to Jingleberg,

you find yourselves sliding into town, making a couple of loops around the Yule Tree in the center and then another, a Faye dwarf named Keith, strange that there would be. another one and yet there is. Keith helps you to once again set up your your yemlings and you are all there getting yourselves ready for the signing. The lactose intolerance seems to have gone away in the winds. Oh, they're going. As you, all of the things that were afflicting you as you existed in

Jingleburg are now gone. But as you settle into this town, you feel that same strange magic overcome you, I need only one of you did a good deed, and that was Bitsy. No, Torbeck did a good deed as well. I shot Torbeck's beat open so he could breathe. Torbeck gets to roll because Torbeck did less bad deeds, but tied for good. I showed his straw and his bloody frove.

Yes, you did. A one. Oh, good, this will be the best one. It could be, or might not be. Keith. Well, no. Does this Keith look the same? You're a guard you're not your Garthulu

Sovereant, servant, keef. She never said it was gone. Yes, he did. No, she specifically said the lactose and dollar. Yeah, it's all gone. Yeah, all of the other effects are not. So all of you, you're a clean slate. There's piss all over the sled.

As you begin. It's the problem. It's part of my character. It's the problem. It's the problem. It's part of my character. It's part of my character. doesn't want to let you guys have this one

because it's just gonna be awful. I can't be rolled. No. Oh, that was good. No, you all act like Karens. Oh, geez. Keith! Keith!

Yeah. I sent a head for green M&Ms and I don't see any green fucking M&Ms here. I didn't get a notice from, from Dingle Keith. within our contract team. It was in our fucking contract. Did anyone think to show you our fucking contract?

You don't need to cuss, all right? There are kids present. And Jingle Keith did not send me a contract or any special requests. We're actually awaiting notice from Jingle Keith as to how things went in Jingleburg. Also, we don't need to curse, but we're going to.

Yeah, I don't care. You're harassing me. You're harassing me by telling me not to curse. We can't keep this up this whole. We're going to need you to back up a little bit. We'll do oops all cairns for a little bit and then we'll switch it out. Don't come any closer. Please back up.

All right. Do you have a manager? We'll speak to your manager. Wait, what's your name tag? What's your phone name, Keith? Holly Keith. Holly Keith? Holly Keith, we're going to have you fired from the establishment.

I hope you know that. This is my home. I hope you know that you're going to. Not for a home. You're going to go into exile, and you have lost a customer. You have lost a customer. I am going to go on to the facebook.com, thebookface.com, and tell all of my friends to never come to Holleyburg

and never deal with Keith, holly jolly Keith, ever again. Chuggles is right. We're very influential, and people listen to us. We're here to sign autograph and say chookles, chookle, poor crimes. Do you know who we- And you'd have an lot of explaining to do, Keith? You'll be your fault, Keith. I think y'all need some eggnog.

And he puts a big picture of eggnog in front of you. You're fired, Keith. From my home? This minus, this minor inconvenience means that you deserve to lose your entire livelihood. You understand? This is disgusting. And just because we're excephemyance. Except the free eggnog doesn't mean

that we won't take more comp things. The only thing I taste in this eggnog is your ignorance. You are made to be able. I will have some too. This is going in my Yelp review. Yeah. I bet you didn't know we were Yelpers.

Yeah. And as you finish the eggnog, You'd feel that fucking twist go away. That curse is gone. As when we finished back, I'm like just tight. Yelp, one out of five stars. The food was absolutely excellent and the appetites were delicious.

It was incredible, but the waitress had chipped fingernails and she looked at me nastily. And they're a little expensive, one star. The food was delicious, though. You hate those reviews. So much. It's not helpful. No, it cares.

Oh, it was crowded during happy hour. Everything was perfect. One star. It was perfect. Amazing. One star. Oh, God. Oh.

Oh. This dog is actually pretty good. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, well done. I'm sorry I yelled earlier. Yeah. I'm not myself unless I've had my dog. Yeah.

Yeah, sorry. It's because we've lost control of our own lives. And now we're at a point. where it's too late to really start over, and we're trapped in loveless marriages, and we feel a lack of control in our own lives, and that gives accidental dread, and we lash out to try to control situations,

and that's why we act that way. It's our own impotent rage trying to escape, but unfortunately despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage. We get a little bit of power, and you know, we just have to make other people's lines, I'm gonna go ahead and let the people in to meet you guys, I guess. Wait, hold on. Lads.

I left me chunk and jingleberg. Let's go back and also save all those missing kids. I finally feel like I have a moment of clarity. I just got both non-clarity. Only one problem. First off, how far is it? Second of, I'm pretty sure. It's uphill the whole way.

Well, as long as we hit one of those, like, magical frozen piss boost zones, we'll be, you know, maybe there a two seconds. Yeah, it was just one shotgun blast away. We can go back really easy. Holly Keith, we're really sorry. Dingle Keith will probably have nice things to say about us. He was a real gem.

Yeah, well, we'll see what Jingle Keith has to say when I hit his message. Is anything going wrong in this town? Yeah. We're trying to do. Good now we're looking for missing kids. I'm gonna go ahead and open up the line. Well, no, the autograph bitch already played out.

I guess you should have saved some of your material knowing there were four towns to do this. And he's gonna, he's gonna open up the line and you have a group of people that are gonna make their way through. Oh, yeah. How is Hollybug? I always come back.

It's nice to meet you. It's all at chugo-chookles. It's nice to meet you. Yes, that is authentic piss smell. That's canon now. That's just out-door back smells. Oh, you like my sweater, thanks. It's actually a thrift find.

I have no idea what it is. Oh, Big Speed, no, you spelled it wrong. Let me just fix that for you, yep. All right, here you go. Oh, before I find your thing, had there anything but been terrible going on? Who are you asking? The person that I'm signing,

the random NPC, whose name is? Well, it's just a tall clip figure with no face and a side. Bitsy specifically asked for a specific type of MPC. What kind of person? I'm looking for someone who might be like, Okay. There's a like 14, 15-ish-year-old boy standing in front of you. He passes his autograph book over to you,

but he's not making eye contact with anyone or paying much attention to what you guys are writing as you address him. Yeah, we're trying to figure out if there's a strange mystery, like any kind of a monster or ne'er-do-wells or anything going wrong that we can help. We're really trying to get out of this whole autograph thing. We're bored of it already.

You could just, like, not do the rest of them. Like, why do you have to go to the other downs? Don't we have a contract? I don't know. Did you sign one? Britsy indicated earlier that we had a contract and that we were supposed to get green M&Ms, which we did not receive.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of green M&Ms and puts them on the table. Oh, thank you. I was saving those for later, but you have a little. Oh, peanut. She'd call her agent. Oh, who's our agent?

Is that Jerry? Maybe that's Jerry. Yo, Jerry. How you doing? Do you talk? Yeah, you're stuck. traffic you have time and talk yeah I know you're very busy so we're doing this we're doing this fucking signing ask them about the m&Ms there's like piss everywhere and shit and and they didn't have green m&m's what the fuck man we got it from some random teenager oh yeah oh yeah I mean you talked to

all the keys and you said m&Ms well they didn't do it anyway anyway we think we just not do the last two findings yeah there's like a strange mystery and I think that we need to solve it and save uh december wean what what happens if we break our contract what is the what is the penalty oh this not so bad that's not so bad um okay thanks how's the wife's doing good good kids you sell that dog yeah that's nice the NBC walks away you have that house in the house so oh no you got a new place nice yeah yeah we have the kid move that you don't need that much space you're right you're right okay ask him ask him if there's any update something me getting on witchlight.

Oh, oh, a e word from Once Upon a Witchlight about Bitsy joining. And I'll like walk over. No, I know she's right next to me. Right next to me. You're the near, hold on. You're breaking up. You're breaking up, Keith.

I mean, Jerry, you're breaking up, Jerry. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, he says that he feels like it's very close, right? Okay. Okay, cool. Oh, any updates on the air chuckles deal? Oh, any updates on the air chuckled deal, now that we're, now that I'm, now that I have you.

Uh-uh, they're driving a hard bargain. I understand. I believe in you. I trust you. Yeah, no, I know, I know. I know. We'll squeeze them. We've got, you got to buy the nuts, uh, Jerry.

You got to buy the nuffs. I trust him. Okay, cool. We're probably going to just get a bag, this whole rest and sing in December, do you have any, uh, feedback on the photos I sent them? No, he's been, he's got to go. He's got to go.

What? Okay, okay. Mike. Oh, that one, Mel. What's the word? Keith died 10 years ago. I need Jerry. Oh, my God.

She is standing there like, Are you Jerry? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, we got to make a choice. Are we going to commit ourselves

to these autographs signings? Are we gonna, are we gonna find these missing children? You still got a good one. Did you get regular green Eminem? The green peanut Eminem. I didn't give you any Eminem's, but if you took Eminem's from Duncan, that kid that kid that kid who's parents wish that you were a girl. Yeah, if you got, if you took his MMMs, he only eats peanut Eminem's.

Well, that's part of our contract that we asked for peanut They're the best ones. Why the fuck we had some regular green M&Ms? Yeah, ever since I got the medicine that makes me not allergic to peanuts, I've been no, it's been no problem. It's really... Uh-oh. Well, we should probably go get me chunk.

What do you think, fellas? Uh-uh, what? No, no, Tormec doesn't bathe. Did bathe. He wouldn't tell you his bathwater. That's it. Guys, we're getting out of here. These people are perverts.

I'm overpaid. That can't be treated like this. Yeah. It's sick. Just because we turned the crampith into crampiss. That doesn't really work. Just because we got rid of old crampus and gave Gryla what for? Can you roll a D12 for you, please?

Me? Yeah. Nine. You can keep going. Oh. Oh. Just because we did all that doesn't mean that we should fulfill our contract. start crampassing.

Joe! Cherry's! Oh, cherry! Sad, hold, Carrie's head. And we can go ahead of the same December, we need. And then he wants us to, he wants it to have drinks.

We see the folks who can maybe make air chocolate. That's a pretty good deal, right? I mean, some tapas. Crazy. Is that a ride-offs? Like, are they paying for it or are we? Well, it wasn't very clear. Who can try to push for them?

Um, Brangley, uh, Dormack doesn't want to alarm anyone, but chuggles look like he's in horrific pain and bitsy while she's rapidly swelling. Not again. Why are we getting so ill? You know what? I wonder if it's because biologically we weren't meant for this plane of existence, and that because of the lack of our own fey nature, it is our biose. finally rebelling like the end of war of the worlds where the Martians slowly died to the Earth's atmosphere through the small... Are we gonna die?

Def comes for us all, Tolbeck, and like more of my flesh, like the loss off. And I'd take my hand away, or my arm away, and my hand's still on your shoulder. Oh, sorry. Okay. If you're about halfway through the line at this point, Keith, could you just cut off the line? Come off the line. We've got to find a bit through your foot. People have been waiting all day.

I can't cut off the line. All right, keep setting them through. Okay, we're going to form a puffy. We're going to form puffy, and that's how we're going to do the line. Any kind of mysterious happenings going on? Oh, anything missing? Strange happening. Oh, if there's anyone, every single person that comes through that I'm signing for,

I want to ask some very vague but slightly related questions. People seem very concerned with Bitsy's state of being and also with chuckle state of being, but you eventually find yourself with a six to eight year old girl standing in front of you. And she looks incredibly excited. She has a dead alligator, a dead crocodile mask on. She's clearly Briggs's number one fan.

Oh, wow. And she is standing in front of you, just like shaking with joy to have you sign something for her. Hello, little girl. Is that a mask of me? Yeah. Hi. Does that mean you know what I'm from? Yeah, you're Briggs.

How do you spell Briggs? How do you spell, Briggsie? B-R-I-D-G-S-Y. That's right. What's my full name? Bricksey the Coutless Cratch. Oh my God, I don't believe that. Bricksey, the Colace Crash.

Well, not. In the current port of the cannon, I'm not really much of the captain anymore. No, no, I'm mine. You're always a captain. What's a cappin? Always a cappin. I appreciate that little girl. What's your name?

Oh, my name's Plum Pairswick. I'm sorry, did you say boom? Plume. Oh, Plum, I thought you said boom. I thought you said boom. Like, B-O-O-M, plume. No, Ploom. Hey, boom.

Oh, plume, all right. Yeah. Plum Paiswick. How about just plume? Yeah. For plume, anything you'd like me to say? I think, Briggs either, really anything, Captain? Uh, for the eternal.

Uh, cutthroat. That's me. Briggsita cut this scratch. Am I a cutthroat too? Aye. You're an honorary cutthroat. I'm gonna steal things and my mom doesn't even know it yet. Well, don't actually steal anything.

I already did. What did you steal? She has a little, she has a little bag at her side that's shaped like a treasure chest. And she opens it and you can see what very clearly her grandmother's reading glasses. You can see some knitting needles. You can see her mom's purse.

She's been pilfering things from home for quite a while. Oh. Offing this elevates you did a really bad eggs club. Let me just update that real quick. Well done. I'm a really bad egg. Yeah, you're a real bad egg. Oh my God. Gosh, it's all if I ever wanted.

The day I was born, I knew it was a baddie. Well, don't say it like that. I'm not sure I've responded to this. Speaking of which, have you happened to, you know, notice any of your friends missing or... Oh, yeah. Oh, really? I thought for a while maybe I still remember sleeping I didn't notice. But I didn't.

Do you know anything about why they're missing or where they're going? Well, I got a pen pal with someone who's in Jingleburg. They're also bad egg. All right. And, you know, we talk about all of our petty crimes and how we're going to, you know, one day become, well, we're going to go to the court of core, you see, and we're going to become infamous pirates.

Oh, and say out of high seas. That's exactly what I would do. That's right. And so, you know, we talk about these things all the time and, like, what we stole and stuff. But we use, we use, like, pirate language that we made up on our own. Pirate language. Like secret, super secret, cool, loaded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not anything, like, dumb and stupid, like thieves can. Oh, thieves can is dumb and stupid as fuck. It's talking about vegetables. I know. That's what I'm saying to. What idiots. Lousies, right? Everybody can say vegetable names.

Yeah, dud reubenegger, who the fucking? That's not very feed-like. They think people don't know what they're saying. Like your dinner feeds will just show up and talk about fucking vegetables. It's ridiculous. It just seems so unlikely. Who would you?

Like, you know when, you know, you know that they're rogues. I'm with you. Yeah, you're so much cool. They say you're not supposed to meet your heroes, but they're full of shit. Oh my God, is it a bad one? Oh, no, that's okay.

I'll let that one sloth. What are you getting from the kid? Oh! Sorry about that little goofy. die? Do you think I get to watch a death right in front of my eyes? No, I think he'll pull through. He always does.

He always does. Anyway, continue. Yeah, so anyway, so 12 days ago, the festival of the old type started happening, you know? Kids started going missing immediately. Oh, wow. And so what I found out from Jeremy

in Jigelberg is that they noticed that from the night the kids started going missing and everything started happening. Okay. That there were out of like, let's say a house had a kid stolen

from it, you know? From the window. Okay. There were cat paw prints in the snow. But not like little cat paw prints. Big cat. Like a big. Whoa.

But like not a real cat though. But like a big cat. Yeah. Like a real big cat. Yeah. Not a really big cat, but a big cat that's real. But not like a real cat that happens to be big, but like a cat that's bigger than other cats. So it's kind of like a cat, not to be confused with a tabaxy or a lion,

but like a cat that's way bigger than that. Like a monster cat. Yeah. All right. Has it ever been any really big cat sightings here in Hollytown? No. But what's interesting about what's happening in Hollytown is that what's been in, happening here, we're not seeing the cat paw prints, but in all of our fireplaces of the

kids' houses where our kids have been stolen, there's been cat fur found inside the fireplace. All right, little girl. Thank you for that. That's exactly what I need. You're welcome. Have a lovely day. Anything else let me sign? All right, lovely. Oh, and you won't believe this. In Mary Carey's house, she was stolen. Mary Carrie's house, all of the skier was gone. Wait, Mary Carrie, or Cariah Mary? Huh? No. Mary Carrey, daughter to Harry Carey? Oh. Mary Carrie? Yeah. Totally unrelated to Cariah Mary. Yeah. All right. All the It was gone and all of the spoons had been lit. Oh, all right.

Lick spoons, yogurt gone. Uh, quick a sign. How does one tell that spoons have been lit? Not that that's something that Torbeck does or wants to avoid detection on in the future. Well, I can tell you. The best way to tell is when you lick a spoon, it gets kind of misty.

There's like a lick fill on it. Duly noted for no particular reason, continue. Anything else I should know before I let you go in your way? Well, normally I think you would probably be making your way to the other towns so that there could be an MPC there that you would talk to that would give you information about what's happening in each town. You might not have time. for that. Probably not, definitely not. Almost certainly not.

What I'm thinking is maybe. We have top of later. I should give you that information myself. Please do. Because I'm part of a pirate gang of thieving children. One from each one of the villages. And I've been in contact with all of them. So what's going on in the energy villages? Okay, well, which one you want to know about?

Uh, the next one. What child's gross is? Missletown. Missletown. Missletown. Well, in Missletown, there's a guy named Sprinkle blue fluff.

Oh. Bluecomb fluff. Sprinkle. Sprinkle. His bad dude. Yeah. Sounds like a bad dude. Sprinkles's a bad, bad dude.

It's like a real bad dude. That's dad, don't get off of his flypap. I bet he's too. And then what happened? No one's seen his dad since. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. All right, so what's happening in there?

What was it? In Jollytown. Sprinkles is not there when I was talking. I was just telling you about Sprinkles so that if you got there, you could like, say, hey, by the way, sprinkle. I met this really cool person and Holly Hollow. But anyway, my friend Strombo Froggy Hop. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. in Missletown. Yeah, so all the Missletoe's gone there, and now the couples hate each other. Oh, and the kids are missing there too, yeah. Oh, that's natural. What? That's just inevitable.

Nothing out of the ordinary on that one. Yeah. Love never left, you know, kids. Trying to figure out what happened there. I gotta look at my notes. Oh, yeah, so what was interesting there is coming from where the chimneys are, there are drag marks in the snow but not like a body drag marks

but like a big sack drag marks oh a big sack hey yeah like big sack oh wow like someone put their big sack in the snow and just dragged out and just a bag on in fruit of snow that would get cold

that would get cold no one next town final channel I don't know everyone's talking about big sack something matters or anything and then in the last town in Twinkle Hill uh huh

yeah people there are starving And my friend Calico Rose Tree, what she told me was that they saw all the same things all other towns saw. But in addition to that, there were 13 sets of footprints. Thirteen? And their chickens hanging from the ceiling. No. Chickens from the ceilies? Someone threw chickens on the ceiling.

And they still up there? Don't fall back down? Not all of them. They're staying up there. Wow. Some of them fall, some of them don't. It just depends on the chicken. Wow, that's very wide.

That should be a proffer. Yep. You know, you're more omission than the sentiment himself. The what? The sentiment. Phantaman. I don't know.

He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake? Yeah, he comes during December ween. Torbeck is now concerned that there are 13 individuals who are committing these heinous crimes. And at least one cat. What would make you think that?

You've all been having this conversation with this nice little girl, and the entire time, the entire signature line has been getting up and over and standing next to dead bitty getting their portrait taken, and then the next couple will come over,

and I'm just... Oh, look, Mommy, she's doing the thing in that one episode. That's funny. Yeah. It's canon now. It's canon now. Jesus. That's dark.

And like those Victorian portraits, were they pulled with the dead dead? Yes. Oh, wow. She was really good. That was a really good method at you. I can't bring it. She admitted to the bit like that. Bitsy's a real one, man. She's so great.

Oh, could you say it's canon now? Yeah, no, that's right. That's how it's said. Anyways, I, I don't know. I rolled the saving throes during that scene, and two things. One, I'm dead. Two.

First off. I don't know. I was to say that. I pictured Plum with like over the shoulder strap, like a crochet chunk that was just hanging from her side the entire time. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a crap.

No, absolutely. She's clearly Bitsy, her Briggsie's number one family. Yeah, yeah, I love that. She even knew me whole name. That's right. Well, Plum, it was a pleasure to meet you, thank you. If I need to get in contact with you

and your secret pirate gang, how can I go about doing that? Well, I'm not supposed to give people my cell phone number, but- Oh, you certainly shouldn't. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I'm not supposed to get strangers my cell phone number. No, no, no.

But you're Captain Briggs'i in, you're not a stranger, so here's my cell phone number. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. So, no. call me and go, ah, and then we'll know that you're Captain Brugsy.

I don't need to contact you again. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'll wait. And she looks down at her shell phone happily as she waits for the call. I'll wait for the call, cap'n. And then she prances away. Aye, hi, lady.

The second that she's out of sight, I just take the paper and eat it. Problems. Well, the phantoman sure knows that she's been naughty. Yeah, it's unavoidable. She's going through a rebellious phase, obviously. I hope she turns around and stops liking a very unpopular character. Her taste is shit. Well, you know, maybe she appreciates the more, you know, nuanced campaigns.

That's all I'll say. Yeah, okay. Okay. Oh, what do you think, Biffiegling is ridiculous? You know what I mean. I'm going to give you all a naughty just of the fact that you were letting her die without doing anything. She gave me the whole rundown. There was a pretty important scene happening.

A Torbett, can you roll a D12 for me? Yeah, Torbic will. Torbett got a two. Do I throw a D-4? No, you don't. Are you sure? I shit during a portrait. You're also dead.

You just, you know what, fine. If you want one, I'll make you not open twice. Roll D12. I'm still dead, but I got up. I need you to roll D4 for me, Torbeck. Certainly. 11. I got four.

You have watched this before. You watch as Torbeck's skin, or his fur changes from fur to skin as it becomes a blustering wintry blue. A white beard. beard covered in perfect snowflakes begins to cover his face as Torbeck becomes a winter Eladron overcome with his emotions, bitterness, pensiveness, and a radiating feeling of gloom. Oh, not what has happened? Torbeck's outside voice matches his inside voice. But I am still the same emotionally.

What's wrong Three? Can you roll a D4 for me, please? It was so much sexy when Bidsey did it. Are you sure you want to know, Chuckles? What? Torbeck will elaborate. You embody a living nightmare.

You are vampire, Betsy. You rides from the dead. You can't do. You rise in the dead. What has happened to me? Your voice is a little low. I slapped you on the back. Oh.

I said that right. I rolled in 11. Oh, yes. Yes. I'm going to have you roll again because I hated that one. Oh. Three?

I think he rolling. Roll a D4 and then I'll see if I'm going to have you roll again. What's wrong? Do you embody a living nightmare? You embody a living nightmare. You become a vampire. immediately rise from the dead as vampires. Happening.

We are members of the same cult, coffin, but for the equipment for vampire. Finally, Count Bitschua, our good plan has come to fruition. Yes, Chuck Ula. We shall continue to make these children with appear and feast upon their world. Count Chalkyule.

Do we trust Briggs and the Torbeck? I think we must make them out of the millions. Yes. I will take Briggsie. Okay. Always picked last. Torbeck can't catch a break. And vampires are so cliche and overplayed.

Torbeck. Yes. Do you wish to join us in a mortal... life. Not particularly. That's too fucking bad. Dean White Snow has absolutely bathed and grinned bread blood. Do we have to make...

You might see us thou drink of your blood. He's really twitching a lot. Yes, and you say blood of my blood. Feast upon my essence and rise, rise again. Blood of my blood. What? What is...

Blood of my blood. Blood of my blood. Open your face. to him. Oh, no, open your fame to it. Oh, that's... Yay. It is so.

No, you got the... You want to be a cool vampire? No, it hurts a little bit to you, but this really hurts a lot. Creature of the... I am sorry. Yeah, it built up. Does anything happen? Are you drinking of the blood?

I mean, my mouth would be open. I'm like twitching. There's, I can't really do this. There you go. You definitely drips the blood on my mouth. You know what? Fuck it. Roll a D4 for me, please.

Two. You don't rise as a vampire, but you do rise as a werewolf as you look up, and there is no moon shining up there, but you can see it in your mind's eye. So do I look different now? Do I look like I am now? You look like a frost werewolf. You look like an icy, snowy, sad, pathetic werewolf. Oh, well, what, what's this?

What's this sad? Oh. Oh, you have. Oh, no. ...duty vital. Oh, no. Truly, winter is coming. The sexy broody elf is now also a beast man.

I feel so young adults. He's driving to be nearly an hour. He looked from pieces of wall into a wallet. Well, first, I want to say, look, it's a December we miracle. His blood splatters says Taubeck again. Oh, wow. That's true. It does. Well, welcome to our dark cabal of creatures of the night.

Oh, welcome. This was all of our plans. Do you wish to be my familiar or join us in a higher existence? We can call you fleshy brigsie. I thought a familiar was like a mortal servant. Oh, you cannot be my familiar because you are not mortal. Yeah, I mean, I'm already sort of like a creature vener. riding zombie thing.

Well, that makes me easy. Get the fuck off. I mean, you can try. It's not like I got any blood pumping through me out. Oh my, just like, oh, no, fucking disgusting. It's like dirt pudding. It's like gulag. Yeah.

Oh. It's like you can luffy taffy. Oh. Well, apply. Are you feeding Briggs of your blood? Are you ready for your dark? Is this gonna work? You're dark print for me.

I mean, I could use a dark transformation, but I'm just not sure it's gonna work. I'm not like normal flesh and blood, you know what I mean? Briggsie, be careful what you ask for. Torbeck is not sure that this was supposed to happen. It's just another day that ends in Y for Torbeck. Do you have like a castle? Are you really rich somehow, secretly?

Do you have like a rich uncle that left you a few millions? No, D12. Torbeck is still just... A strangely transformed Torbeck, he's suddenly not rich. I signed you and you'll do that command. I'll roll one more. My blood made is three to chocolate, man. Roll it again.

But it will be delicious. You immediately die. Roll a D-100 for me, please. Blood of my blood. As Torbeck's blood courses through your veins, you stare at him. And you watch as Bitsy completely seizes up going ghost white as she keels over dead.

And what did you get? 46. No! Count that bitchula! You bitch! Bitching was pretty funny. I like that. Count Chuck you love, mourn.

The death of one of our men. Can you roll a D20 for me, please? A D20? Yeah. Jesus. 14. I'm sorry. This one is a little more difficult than the other one.

Yes, can you roll it again? I don't want to do another Kenku. I don't want to do another Kenku. Oh, you do not want to do it. Yeah, do a D100. Another D100. What are the odds that we got? 12.

12. A regular human bag. Can you roll another D20 for me? Yes. Twelve. Twelve. You are you are draconic bloodline

dragonborn. Okay, what draconic bloodline? Bronze. Okay. Yeah, bronze. You love the dodge action. Wow. Jesus.

Wow. And you still think you're a vampire. Bitchula, are you okay? I think I will take the dodge action. Your voice, you are even more than a creature of the night than before. I am a vampire. Does that mechanically benefit me in any way? That you're a vampire? Yes.

No. Then I will not rope with us. What? It's fire! Jesus Christ! Oh my God. Oh my God. Are you going to get to get that? That's true.

That's true. Holy fuck. I drank Chuckles' blood. Oh, can you roll a D4 for me, please? It also may or may not be pure chocolate, yeah. Chucky milk. Four.

You turn into, you feel yourself change as you turn into Swamp Thing. Oh. You're expecting something nice. I'm basically like exactly the same. Just couldn't see it. There's like a couple like leaves. You know what I mean?

You're a little bit more moist. You're kind of muddy. You look like you've just crawled out of a shipwreck. Oh. I mean, this is kind of thematic, but this seems like the worst one. Yes, we do the dice. I raised you wrong as a choke.

Well, surprising. Absolutely no one. Torbeck is not surprised to see that your dark curse cannot be defeated. The rest of our cabal needed someone to laugh. There always must be a smoke thing. I'll roll a D12 warming juggles.

The clusters of the night, you are the stinkiest of bitches. That's obsessed. A three. I love this one. Can you roll another one? You're currently doing three. You begin cremasing. Can you roll it again? You crampist enough, I feel.

The 12's not that many options. You can't stop stubbing your toe. So, all right. Look, you turn me. There must always be a swamp thing. What do I got to do? Like, find a lagoon somewhere to lurking for the rest of the time. We must find children and in that way into a dark cloth.

What the fuck is a lagoon anyway compared to the... We all must away. Do! I love how stub to stuff is just like his cramp. That's going to leave him on. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow, wow. Yonah. And you, Bitsy, tell me now that you're some dragon,

well, what am I supposed to do to follow you? Please, give me orders. I'm sitting here languishing. Well, you have the abilities of a werewolf and a mind of a torback. Do you do whatever you need to do with that? We need to find these missing children. Yes, in our cabal, we will grow.

Oh, Chihuahua. Eat the things. What are you fucking Italian all of a sudden? Mama me. Eat the things. Eat the Mama, yeah. Dracula.

Dracula. Mama me. Pasta Fazoo. Oh. All right. We know two things. Oh. And I just like do this and like me see what you kind of like Russell.

Is this spooky at all? Is this working? It all just seems so pointless. Oh. What does anything matter? Why are we here? Why are we existing? Why are we trying?

I'm trying to remember that exact question. Oh, it's not a game. We should be able to go 12 miles if we continue at the regular marching speed. I will propose that we leave now, and we may be able to make it before midnight. I can't bitchila. That's good. This is extremely mad that no one's going to understand this reference. It's okay if you don't understand.

I forget what we learned from the little... Oh, really, real quick recap. And from all of the villages, children are going missing. and we know there's a large cat, we know there's a guy with a huge set of balls, and we know there's 13 little fucks stealing children. Well,

a cat with a huge dog. Torbeck doesn't care. Why is that so alluring to me? The apathy. I'm drawn to it for some reason. Well, I could explain the psychology. Please do. I'm confused.

No, we do another time. There simply is no time. Have we enjoyed a short rest? No. We go 12 miles. We're making our regular emergency. Yeah, you're making your way towards the next town. Christ.

Why? Why are we cursed to be as we are? From bugbear to beauty. Eleutiful Eladron Man, too, somewhere in between. Oh, well, you're at least like a sexy, rich wolf with a castle, I'll just shambling around in the fucking jungle. It is very funny, yes, yes. Look for school children.

Children! What? I would like to roll to see if I can get the children's attention. No, we should look for track. We've probably talked to. We've talked to. Roll a survival check. One moment.

Survival, you say? Mm-hmm. Do you have your goggles of minitzing? Oh, what does that give me? Advantage on perception checks. Well, I'm doing that survival. I'm doing survival. Can I twist?

Yeah, please. Oh, yeah. Damn. All right. Get the nine. You are looking for tracks. I am. Though the snow isn't falling anymore,

you were told that the snow's not, as of last night, sometime in the middle of the night. But there was enough time that it seems whenever these tracks would have been made that you've been told about, the snow had fallen enough to fill them up. So you find none. On the tracks.

Well, I say we kill these little fucker stealing children, especially the one with the giant nuts, into the sleigh. All right, make sure to hit there's little patches of frozen piss so you know, boost like. Oh, my toe is broken in various places. What? What are you looking at?

I mean, Torbeck is born. We're just a couple of... Roll a D12, Torback. Just a couple of monstery guys, you know. A one. I need you to roll a D4 for me, please. I need you all to roll a D4 for me. Oh, no.

Oh, no. I'm so sorry, everyone. All of your current twists are gone. Re-roll yours, Mike. Two. Okay, you get a one. One? You are Briggsie. Mike.

Derek, you are Chuckles. You are Bitsy. Oh no. And you are Torbeck. Not again. But you're so good at Torback. You are. As Chuckles steps his toe and you're all climbing into the sled,

you're not really even quite sure why. You would said you weren't gonna go into any of the towns, but you are still climbing into the sled. And as Chuckles slams his toe one final time into something, it lets out a howl. All of you become consumed with the strange magics, and you all begin to let out yelps of pain at the same time. And as you open your mouth, bits of your souls begin to float out and move into other bodies.

And though your body is the same, the soul that inhabits it is no longer the soul that belongs there. So I am Torbeck in Bitsy's body. Yeah. Well, you are Bitsy's soul in Torbeck's body. Oh. Oh. Oh. So I'm still doing Torbeck's voice, but I'm acting like Bitsy.

No, you were doing Bitsy's voice, but you're in Torbeck's body. Okay. So vice versa. Yeah. So I'm doing Chuckles' voice. In Bitsy's body. In Bitsy's body. And it's Bitsy's mind?

It's Bitsy's mind, Chuckle's body. It's the Blockelsop episode. Okay. I'm still confused, so I'm going to wait for someone else to go. You are Chuckles' body with Briggs' mind. So you're doing the Briggs' impression, but as chuckles. Oh, that pain makes me want to horse the colors.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Wait. Oh, no. Oh, guys. Oh, no. Oh, it's happening again. Oh, goodness. What does happen?

This is ridiculous. No. You really don't. What are you supposed to be? That's brutal. I'm trying my best. That's not too bad. God's like we do with lying in hell.

Say churicles, churice. This is too. You guys sound like Rodney Dangerfield a little bit. I like it. I'm loose to luck. Oh, in the cut of your gym, you're a really bad egg. Let's go a bull on the outside of witch stomp. Yeah, let's go find those missing tunders.

Let's go kill those little fox. And no giant cap. You got plenty of material bullfrog. You can talk about ginger virus or gonorrhea or all sorts of stuff. Or the pigs. Don't forget the pigs. Go on the rea. Why they called that?

It should be called here or rea. Oh, no. Reddit, you need it. I think a break. Plus Reddit is where we bring. The podcast is brought to you by Legends of Adventress Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventris and gain access to tons of exclusive Legends of Aventris perks

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Oh, that's really bad angry got me. Oh, these are hard. Pirates lying for me. I've always wanted to be part of a crew, part of a ship. How are we going to save the day? Well, first we should get on the piss, slag. and go fine. We're already on a pisslet, right?

Yeah. We're on the S. Let's switch stomper. Oh, I like that name. Oh, that's right, because you almost broke your whole foot when we were getting in. And then here we are. Oh, didn't break his foot. Yeah, he did.

No, well, me, that was Chuckles. Oh, that's so confusing. You daft, idiot, in it? We got on four of them kids, D&D, in it? it Chuggles, you should talk now Give it Oh, goodness

Griffinth Chuckles It's a little weird Not having a chunk I admit But I'll think That we can

I'll make it do It's Kind of gross To be a clown I gotta say I can't even Take this shit off No

No you are Your Chuckles is mine in Briggs's body. No, he's not. What? Andy has for clarification, and you specifically told him that I'm Briggs's brain and Torbegg's body. Maybe.

Right? I'm tired now. It's almost 11. Whatever I said originally is the truth. So we're going to go with that. Let's just align together on what we're doing here. Yeah, because I've been saying. I ain't I a lot.

And Torbeck wouldn't do that. So you're supposed to be the soul in, so your body hasn't changed. My intention. So you are right now, you are your body with Torbeck's soul in that body. With a mind and voice.

I don't have a giant penis right now. And I'm saying I. Oh, you got to say Torback. But it's huge. Torbeck. I'm in the mouth, buddy. I'm going to take on a tail of everything. That's right.

Okay. So I still have the chunk. This is somehow worse than my body. Don't forget you can't say I. You got to call yourself Tor. Oh, Torbag. This is worse than Torbeck's body. Oh, no.

What I'd like to be simply, like do a Captain Morgan. Hell yeah. And pull out the cutlass. Actually, I'll pull out. A big squeaky hammer at my side. A balloon sword. Yeah, you make a balloon sword. Like literally on the board.

Yeah, a balloon sword. I would like to basically ride the sled to where we think the danger is. Roll a performance check at disadvantage because you were Briggs's mind trying to make a balloon sword. Junkle's body is capable of it, but Briggs's mind might not be. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, I wouldn't, I mean, fuck. Briggs wouldn't know. I don't know how to make a balloon. Oh, how do you do a mouth? Never mind. What I'm saying? I'll pull out a hammer. Oh, I can wield a big blood object.

I don't know if 50's got any. Performance. I'll fail. Whatever it is, I'll fail. Yeah, you can't make the bullet. But Chuck goes out of use a thut gun. Oh. I got, yeah, no, it was like a foot teen.

Go ahead. No, you go ahead. I was just gonna ask, punch away this rash, since your body doesn't have the ability to my own body. I think I would have to do that. Oh, good point.

You know, that raises a valid moral question of where do our heroic powers come from? Our bodies are our souls. Try not to think about it too long. I spank you with a fist. And we will... Thank you with a fist. You will...

one moment. I'm gonna use Physicians touch again. Are you actually trying to get rid of something? Yeah, it's a horrific rash. You can see it from our space. Now would Chuggles know how to do that? Oh, that's a good question. Chuggles want to know how to use that kind of touch. Would I know how to use any of my... Just like Torbeck doesn't know how to use the voodoo gun. This is an existential nightmare. All right.

Torbeck is just killing the trigger. I just punch you in the butt. Nothing happening. Is this thing loaded? No more that. Chuggle always practice a good trigger safety. Well, I have great trigger to float. That's a gun safety is what I say.

That's a bit. I think you also have some rubber tubing down this way. Oh, you're really lucky. Yeah, I can stand. Because at least, I think Bidsey, And Torbeck both know how to wheel the rusty shiv. That's right. Just like, I don't know how to wave this big squeaky hammer around.

Well, I certainly... Stick him with the pony, and I just had a wholesome moment with a little girl who's the captain of Meefan Club. And I feel surprisingly inspired the same today. Um, Briggsie, how do I summon the cutlass? Can Torbeck... Fuck, I said, I mean, how can Torbeck summon the cutlass? my chunk, please. Oh, oh, I think I left.

Fuck, Dormac thinks Dormac left it. See, it's really hard. It is hard. It is hard. People don't realize I'm gonna mess up, like once or twice a century, that's actually pretty good. Dormack needs to be so mindful of it. It really is.

Oh, God. Doorbeck agrees. It's about this time that the sled sails out of Missletown or wherever you were. Midseltown, correct. And you, actually, were you in Holly Hollow? We were in Holly Hollow. Yeah, you were in Holly Hollow.

Yeah, you were in Holly Hollow. We were on your way to Middletown. And then we decided to go instead to find the... And you, so you are zooming out of town. You now have the information that you would have gotten from four towns. But luckily, Briggs's biggest fan was able to give you the information from four towns and town too. Significantly cutting out a huge portion of a content. And it is as you were leaving the town that the winds, as they're blowing past you,

intermingle with the chaotic nature of the fay air that you're breathing. And you feel, once again, your souls move back into the rightful places as all of the curses are white from you. What does it mean to be human or? Oh, that was unplanned. Whoa. I gotta say, it was weird being a mouth. Yeah, it was weird being a chuckle. Oh, yeah, because even though our human brains didn't swap, I was a clown.

Jorbeck. Dormack doesn't envy you at all. We just put it on. bastard. He was baton path and it was pretty fucking cool. I don't know

that's not anymore. This is hard. My voice sounded so weird coming from busy, tiny mouth bob. It really did. It was like I lost my accent and my chuckled Gabriel. I don't know how that happened. It must have something to do with my vocal

It probably does. Nothing to do with the player at all. What player? Ready Player 1? What a great not-underwhelming Exactly right. All right, sick through, let's get out of here. I mean, you still are.

We're on this leg. Yeah. All right, we're aboard the SS. Although that's not, I feel like it should be a little something more piraty. That's the same. Like witch stompers revenge. Oh.

You guys are just aimlessly going through forests. You've made no plans in where you're going or what you're doing. Whoa, Slay, Slows. You're just aimlessly slang. That sounds about right. It's going to be weird to say, Brinkley, but didn't that, don't we have the, the ruins of that little girl?

No, Torbeig hate them. Oh yeah, I was saying that like, don't we need, we need to figure out where the location of the little fucker, though. And if we're gonna track them down, the bad guys looking around the villages, you gotta be around here somewhere. Let me see, we have power, the ability, don't we?

Oh, yeah. I'm sure we can figure this. shit out. That Dormack just has a rusty shive. I just figured maybe we'd go to wherever the Holly King is, and probably because it's all dark. Oh. It was all scary that that might be where it was.

I bet they took over the Holly King City, on top the Holly King's crown. They haven't heard from the Holly King in some time. And that makes me nervous. Okay. We have to go save the Holly King, and we'll surely, truly be rewarded.

Did Bitsy just solve this whole fucking thing? Well, she's always talking about the Illuminati. She's pretty smart. Oh, that's true. She knows the truth. She knows that the universe was created last Wednesday, and the equivalent of Wednesday, and that the walls just pulled over her eyes. That's true.

All right. Witch Stompers' revenge. Hit every frozen piss boost along the way, F-0 style. Can we call it SS, which Stomper's Revenge for Super Sled? Well, I mean, maybe HMS. What's HMS stand for? His Majesty's ship? What is this sled?

What about the RSS? What? Or the RMS, like the Tartanic. Oh, I thought you were talking about really simple syndication. No, the RMS. RMS, what does that stand for? Royal Mail ship, you fucking dummy. I thought you knew something.

Stop making fun of me. No, let's all be nice to each other. I kick Briggs. My leg goes sideways at the knee. Oh! Who the fuck doesn't know about real male shit? Oh, that's good stop is revenge. It's fun to do, right?

Yeah. We'll leave the way. Okay, let's turn the chip around. Get her private ready. Okay, is that the Holly King's castle? For the sake of brevity, you know exactly how to get there. The Hollywood Kings Catholic that away!

Straight through the candy cane woods and writes through the sloppy, gloppy swamp. And right along Sugar Plum Mountain? And we have to go across those five little panels where if you hit one at random, a giant hand grabs you and takes you down

into another level. Jocles! Do we have time to stop at the sloppy-gloppy swamp? no time. You have a same fuel than the submarine. Fine. The Holly King is in trouble, clearly. There's the big old sack and the 13 little fuck

than the crazy ass pink cap. After we're done, can we stop by Canned Island? I've always wanted to go. Well, Candid Island is a pretty far away from here. There's candied lamb, not Canyed Island, two different things. Although, I do owe Grandma none of you. No, no! No!

Holly King's Holly Capul! The jolly yule is not directly related to any real-world holiday. And any similarity is coincidental. He's not even related to the holiday at the festival of you. No. It's a similar name and we're gonna be fine and everyone can be okay with the thing. A beautiful rainbow bridge appears. The power of Yule Thai magic.

Some of the Vibros stinging to that's fucking. Because you guys are never going to do enough nice things to get anything on this nice list. I think something nice. One of the options that you can roll for is you get to alter the story. For the time being, you are now the DM. What do you want to happen?

So literally that could have happened if you were able to roll on the nice list. Torbeck tried so hard to be nice. And you got one. I was nice to the last. That's right. I know, and I marked it down. Dormack's still waiting to roll a die.

He's hoping for combat. Don't worry, Tornack. Dormack wants to save the day with his magic lucky die. We've learned the spirit of December we kneel tied. We're going to save the Holly King Santoman. Okay. Hold on.

If it's going to take us being nice to do this, I think that we need to stop for the next town real quick. And we red dead redemption two styling. You can do all the most horrid shit, the planet in that game, but then you can just go around saying how to people a bunch, and it fucking gets that meter going up. It takes forever, but we can do it. Just by saying howdy? Just by saying howdy to every person

on the street over and over and over. There's no time, this thing. No? Just let's shoot into montage real quick. We haven't rolled any kind of narrative control yet. We still have on the flood on the way to Holly King, Polly Jolly Jolly Capcom. I don't know if we've got the power for a montage. We don't have the power for a montage. Do you know how much power take to create a montage. Where can we find a power?

We have to be nice somehow. Maybe we like love each other? Oh, yeah. Iffy, come here. You don't be afraid. Oh, you smell like tapping. Oh, that's not what that is.

Should we? Yeah, come bring it in. I love you, buddy Torback loves you. Why is your breath spicy? Well, I know. I love you. I love you, Bitt. Oh, I love you too.

Briggs, I need you to roll two out of E-12 for me. I love you two. D'Rick! It keeps a few airplane bottles in the back pocket. Oh, oh, double. Whoa. That's magic 11-11, mega-wish. Both of them are 11?

Yeah. Rewol one of them. Five. You have to be fucking kidding me. Okay, so you become a frail tobacco and you feel the need to mark your territory. We've done that a lot to roll again. What? Is this naughty or nice?

You maxed down on both of them by being both a dick and sweet. You made fun of him for how he smelled, but also told him you loved him. I was asking why his breath was spicy. Eleven again. Dormick has alcohol problems. Seven again. It's so cold your legs freeze together. Oh, no. We're still embracing.

You also got 11, which is alter the story. What would you like to happen? You're the DM now. Even though his legs are frozen together, we would still be embracing. I would see that his legs have frozen and I will hold him. Okay. That's where I got your body.

We're back, probably 12 for me. Yes, that's fucking go. Like, wow, start being nice, and you don't. Me fucking legs. I also got an 11. Me fucking eggs. You each get to alter the story in some way.

Here's a present for you thing. What's it? You can't just create them. It's right. No, you can't. Hold on. What do you mean? I can't hear it.

Don't you fucking dare. You did not get to threaten me with imaginary shotgun, motherfucker. I got rid of an imaginary shotgun. You did not get to threaten you with the imaginary shotgun. Go ahead and make a performance check. Okay. As you say, you definitely had to go first.

Oh! A natural twill! Oh, that one. Okay. Well, you're done. That's yours. What? That's good.

You, okay. I successfully threatened you with an imaginary shot. No, you successfully created the present that you're able to give the child. And you all hit presents with that 20? No? No, I just said that one thing. Well, there you go.

I guess I have that now. Bifsey, can you roll a D12 for me, please? You always seem to struggle with this, so it's a regular-sized handkerchief. Aw, that's cute. What? Oh, that's so nice. That's cute.

That's cute. What? I thought we were going to like solve the day with that. What? We're forgiven. I was getting him up in this question. Roll a D12, Missy. I blew my entire load on that. For a regular size handkerchief?

I got a six. And now you're being rude, so. What the fuck, Bitsy? What? What? I came Bitsy. Roll a D12 for me. That's green again.

You kicked me like four. You would get doesn't help. It would heal someone to full, but none of you've taken damage yet. So go ahead and roll again. Six and seven again. Again. 10.

You gain a level. Oh shoot. Go up one level. And you got a six, seven. This is finally something I can enjoy. Your legs freeze together. Oh, again, me fucking legs. Well, we'll do the six.

You're an idiot and you've looked a frozen pole. While your legs are fused together. Not again. Oh, uh, jaw bait. Bidsey, thank you so much. You're welcome. How you, how you, drive this slide?

What? Why am I driving this slide when I don't know how to drive a slide? Maybe Bitsy should take over. I can take over. Bidsey, I got you a present too. What's your favorite animal? Don't tell anyone, but it's cats.

Interesting choice. Avanguard. On theme, and I'm gonna pull up pink balloons and make a pink cat. A roll performance check to see how well you do. Oh, now I'm a liking with this. You know how many cats, but she's killed? How man?

18. Like lots of cats. Oh yeah, this is, it looks spectacular. It looks just like a cat. What? It's a pink cat. There you go. And then, well, you have bark inspiration.

Oh, thank you. Cats were the entire fucking woodland. Do I get my DM moment? You do. Where are you? What's happening? I would like for Chuckles to roll a perception check. Okay.

Oh, I'm going to do the twiff. I think that's a good idea. I'm going to do the twiff. Keep using them. Keep using them. I'm going to use it. No, I'm good. 19.

Oh, that's funny. 19. Your cell phone is ringing in your pocket. You answer it and you realize it's your agent. He's not dead. Oh! You, you, he tells you of a harrowing tale. Yeah?

In which he has gone on an epic journey where you thought he was dead. Instead, he was just learning, training. What? He has become a powerful wizard. You survived the helicopter accident? And he realizes now in this moment he can finally help you. He tells you to make a left in the sled at the next tree. Oh my goodness.

Jerry, we're going to have the best conversation over top of us later. As you tell your companions that they need to make this left, they do so. Upon turning around the tree, there is a- Oh, go left. There is a portal. This portal has been summoned by your agent and will take you directly to the Yule King's domain.

Oh my gosh. My fucking legs. I'm looking at me fucking legs. We owe you, I owe you so many times. and drink. We'll see what's at placed up up, 275, right? He agrees.

Oh gosh, it's gonna take a lot of time in traffic. Anyway, we'll call you, we'll talk, hope the kids and the family will survive the helicopter accident. Anyway, happy December ween. We're gonna go save, you'll tie. Okay, goodbye. No, unfortunately, my...

The portal! And it is exactly as Jerry had described to you. You're familiar with turtles of this nature. It looks like a holly wreath. And inside of it, shimmering beautiful prismatic magics that you're able to. I have not made a left at the tree. Just so everyone knows, someone else will need to make the left.

Bidsey took over. And you are shooting straight through this. And Jerry told you that this was gonna take you directly to the Holly King's lair, to his domain. which was your intended location. As you ramp up, you hit a patch of frozen piss, and you speed up in measurely, as you shoot through the holly wreath,

and you find yourself in this beautiful, pristine, frozen palace. Very reminiscent to a palace you'd been before, almost as if it's a mirror image to one you had been in before. and this one is completely empty. It's a yol time miracle. Completely cold. It's very clear that what you were told is true. The Collie King has gone missing.

And though you're in his domain, there is nobody here with you. King's missing. Children are going missing. There's some kind of giant cat. Don't forget about the guy with giant testicles. And if you want to roll a little, a D12 forming place.

You have finally, it took this long into the session for you to get two consecutive nice things. I'm 11. I hope we meet the guy with the giant testicles. You get to be the DM. I'm going to speedball those testicles.

Hey, boy, me fucking legs. Are you okay, Briggs? You found different. This has happened before. Me fucking legs. As you go through the portal, all of the curses wipe away. The negative ones.

The clitority. You become super genius. You actually been cursed with stupidity. This entire campaign all that you're in midnight. She said every curse, I'm like, I'm back to my regular flash. You're editing. After all this time, the capital. You're like lizard's deed bonnet.

Yeah, literally. Oh, my gosh, look at my cuffs. I'm fencing. Oh, the curse is coming in. No, no. Fleming hell from racing. Oh, running again. Oh, listen, you don't have to use it right now.

You can use it at any point of that. Well, come on. Let's split up, gang. Okay. I realized something. Yeah. It was thumb. I think it would, when I was shaking out the turn.

behind the gingerbread house, which I really should have done. Just like that kid in the Walmart. Don't remind the DM. He's already suffered. He's already suffered for that. He's already suffered for that. In the 12-step program, which I probably should really get on, we say that we have to accept what we've done in the past

and make a commend. They will have to make them to all the people for how smelly everything. I thought it was called the 12-step program because that's how many steps you took before you shook a turd out of me. Well, it wasn't exactly 12. It took 12 steps. But I realized that all of the same and all the glitz and glamour and electron pieces and great titles and lordships and lands and peasants to till our fields and all of the glamour that came with saving the Yuletide carnival. or whatever, what happened laughing? It got to our heads, and we lost,

we forgot the spirit of true Yuletide. You're right. Starring in all those campaigns is really just blowing up our egos, and we became real jackasses. Real jackasses. It's good to own land. It took five minutes for me to get into a club.

You know that place of 3.72? 375. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that place up there, the haunted house. To me five minutes, and I had all of the bouncers fired and then flayed their heads mounts and on spikes. I think they do that most every day. That's just what they do to the bouncers.

Oh, I feel less bad about that, but I just some other shitting stuff too. What's happening? What's happening? I wouldn't blah for that kid. They're chicken being played. What's happening? But what I'm saying. is that I realized shaking out that turn.

What have we become? Barfowl ourselves! And after seeing the wonder in that little girl's eye, after seeing her Decemberween present was to meet her hero, I relearned the spirit of December ween in Yuletide. And I think that we need to make sure that we save this Holly King. So we need to split up, say kinky the lot, find the clues. Okay.

If there's bad guys, then we can go absolutely feral apes, and kill him. And then we'll save the day. I think you're right, Chuckles. I've forgotten a little bit of who I am, too. I'm a monk of peace, and I have a double-billed shot here from the game, dude. Oh, you shot Tormac in the throat, remember? Oh, is that way so blocky? Yeah.

That was violent and scary. Can you throw fireballs? And suddenly I'm making the connection that Torbeck looks like the hairy creatures from the game, too. No, Torback cannot throw fireballs. Okay, okay. Wait, is that why I have this control?

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-da-la-la-la-la. I want to see fan art of Bitsy Dress's Doom Guy. Yeah, that's incredible. I'm gonna put the shotgun on the hearth. Crack my knuckles. Let's split up and take care of business. We're going to solve this problem right away. Yeah, we should also make sure that nobody ever

hurt anyone with a shotgun again. I'm going to make sure it's outloaded. Jesus. You fuck. God damn. I've got the shelf right here. It's empty. No, but what I'll actually do is take it

and I'll looney chutes pull it apart. Tied and tie it on. You get tied in and off. Okay, let's spread out, gang, and find the fuck that we got a beat up to save the Yule Tide in December Wings. Just remember, there's at least 13 of them, only four of us, so, you know, don't get too cocky. If we each kill four, then we'll be fine. That should do it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you feel poor.

Let's go. Well, that with my grandfather's shotgun, you deal. Yeah, y'all. That's bad. That you did ruin 50s. Oh, no. I need to roll it to 12. And if anybody runs into the guy with a huge sack,

go for the sack. It's a wake point. I'm gonna speedball that set. I can't wait. I'm gonna stab him right in the balls. I got a lot of key points about it. Three. Roll again. Roll again.

Oh, sorry. I can hear that. Seven. It's cold and your legs freeze together. You too. Time to split up. Time to flip. Oh! That looks like it hurt.

Oh, it did. Yeah, that shotgun's right neck to my head. You're, uh... My fucking legs. Yeah, your legs. They're all fucking. Well, we could use the shotgun. And with that, you all spread out.

I pull out my rusty shiv as I spread out. And each of you goes, your story. separate ways, leaving chuckles to deal with his frozen legs all on his own. And you each come away with one bit of information. Briggs, you notice, all of you notice, that there is nobody here. And then more than likely, this was not your intended destination, as you'd been told, that the Holly King had gone missing. So you were probably unlikely to find him.

anyone here. But you do notice some pertinent information that there seems to be, Briggs, you notice the marks of a sack that's clearly been dragged from somewhere.

No. Bitsy. You notice the tracks of a very large cat. I love cats. Chuckles, you find cat fur stuck to some ice. My fucking leg.

Oh, okay. And Torback, do you find the footprints of 13 individual people? I chuckled myself and saying, Ha, ha, ha, Torbeck's in danger. I'm sure Torbeck's gonna be fine. He could take like, nine or ten of them, but definitely not 13.

Maybe not, if there were a line. You're just scuttering in the room. I just have this piece of rusty metal. twirling in the dark as there's tracks all around me. One, two, three more, my, uh-oh, six, seven days is bad. Ah, Dormack. How fresh do they look? We'll ask a D-D question.

Within, like, the last 24 hours. Oh. I would like to follow the tracks, get a sense of, where this sack was dragged? It looks like the sack was dragged from the throne room where you imagine the Halli King was out into the snow and the tracks disappear. Oh no.

Oh, no. Lads, assemble in the throne room. Do we hear this? Yeah. In the sake of revenue, yeah. I run quickly. Oh, we'll meet him in the solar. You're already in the throne room.

You're already in the throne room. I didn't make it far. And then I heard you say, lads assembled, and I assume you meant me, but even though I'm not a lad. Now, Torbeck's glad you called, because Torbeck found himself smack dab in the middle of 13 tracks,

and that is not a good number when there's only one Torbeck. You wouldn't have been able to take 13. Oh, no, maybe eight or nine, but not 13. I've put an old together. What room were you in? The conservatory. The conservatory of cars.

What room was I in? You were in the dining hall. What room was you been seen? I was in the cat room. Yep. Here's how it all went down for the sake of brevity. Not to pour-ro this shit, but I believe that this is what happened. First, these 13 little fox broke in to the Harley King's lair.

Through the dining room, I mean the conservatory, through an open window, because he liked the breeze. And then they found him having a delicious oscubin chilies meal. Get my giant nuts. I need you all the roll of intelligence throw. Just an intelligence check. Just a simple intelligence. I got a natural one.

I got a five. My age is plus zero. I got a one. I got a one. Holy shit. A succulent Chinese. 18. Tried to touch my meter.

I rolled a natural 19, so I'm smart now for some reason. So you have a 19. 18. 18, 17. Correct. Bitsy, you're listening to Kremi tell you this, and you have a realization. Wow. Why didn't we put this together

when all of this information was given to us hours ago by this one NPC to save so much time? Similar things happened last year when a wild gritty. Gorilla was on the loose. 13 footprints, the 13 Yule Lads, giant cat paws like Gryla's cat.

The sack that was used to steal children. All of these things. The children missing. It all makes sense. Gryla is still here. On the loose. Terrorizing the Faywild. And she has stolen the Holly King.

And all you need to do is find Gryla's lovinous, mountain lair, where she turns children into soup, defeat Gryla, and return the children to their homes before you'll tide Eve. I didn't know Gryla had a cat. They leapt on him. It's so sweet. In touching his feet, they threw him into the giant sack. Does Gryla also know sign language?

Yes. And tied it up. Then they summon their cat from the cat room through the street. attack over the giant cat's back, rode off through the throne room, and far away from this place. And this is what happened. It's just like what happened last year. It's Gryla. Or Gryla?

Well, yeah, we've learned in the rules recent years actually Gryla. Oh, is it Greala? Yeah. Not Grala? Yeah, I'm still calling it Gryla. No. Oh. Well, Grala has a cat and no sign language.

Wait a minute. So you're saying that the sack is a literal sack and not like, you know. Whoa, that's gross. Oh, I just had a realization. We thought that there was a wild gorilla on the luth and that was the problem. And after you explained all of this, Bricksey,

I realized that the problem is that there was not a wild gorilla on the loose. We have to fight fire with fire. Let go to the gorilla chamber. I need everyone to... You all make your way immediately following chuckles to the gorilla chamber, and you find chained up

four enormous giant guerrillas. Yeah? They are... They are the... dearest friends of the Holly King, and they've been chained up by, you can stop me any time, Nick. They've been chained up by Grela

and her little fuck, you allads and the cat. And all they wanna do is save their best pal, the Holly King. And you see the chains, and they are not loose. And I need you all to make an animal handling check as you approach them. Yeah, no, you do. Oh, easy.

Easy. Easy, lad. A doorback makes animal skittish. Advantage. Making sense. Yeah, that would make sense. Oh, my God. I'm using my lucky die.

These are all sucks because I'm going to help you re-roll. I also think. I'm going to help you re-roll. Yeah, he had the power to do that. And you also get luck. I'm going to choose to one of the persons. You have luck. Yes.

From the very beginning. I'm twisting again. Let me know. Yeah, this is awful. I'm a twist. I'm twisting once. I'm twisting once. Here we go.

I'm using this dye over here. Come on. Remember Mike's the DM. He sits the DC. Natural 20! What you get? My animal handling is a 23. This is a group check.

I'm gonna roll for chuckles at advantage. I'm the DM, so that's actually a 20. That's incredible. That's incredible. You have a DM screen. We can't see what you're rolling. That's true, the natural one. I'm the DM though, motherfucker.

I got a 21. No, you get to be the DM until you finish the part of the story you're crafting, so that makes sense. I buy it. They look at you, and they are like, they pound their chest, or they're trying to pound their chest and they can't. And they're looking at you like,

and then as you approach, Easy big fella. Chuckles with you. They go, okay. You smash their chains and see, That's right. They needed their cool, cool, giant gorilla-shaped sunglasses. Rather, their sunglasses. You offer them their sunglasses.

They snatch it for all of you, including Chuckles. They put it on. You hand the fur of the Yule Cat. They all sniff it. They have the trail. And they all look at all four of you. Chuckles looks at you and says, now there's going to be wild guerrillas.

The balloon. Let's hop on. We do. We climb on. We climb on board. And with that, they all go, okay,

and burst out of the ice castle and go thundering towards where they believe their best friend, the holoca pink. Yeah. Let's fucking go. And that is what happens.

As the guerrillas help to toss you onto their backs, you ride them through, the wintry forests of the Holly King, four wild gorillas on the loose, as they pick up the scent of grilyless cat, and they are able to,

their senses are honed for this. They protect the Holly King at all costs. And these aren't normal gorillas. These are winter gorillas. These are winter fay grillas. And they are, they travel. with an insane speed.

But it's not just that. Once they get to a certain amount of distance from the Holly King, they're able to magically teleport to him through the use of these amazing wreaths. And as you begin to ascend this cliff face, you see at the very top, there is a cave in the side of it,

a smoke billowing out of it, clearly a mountainous lava cave fit for a gorilla. And as they get with a cave, in a certain amount, how are they gonna scale this? You have no idea, and then you see the reeds appear as the gorillas leap through, charging in like guerrilla superheroes, really. And you find yourselves deep in the innards of this cave.

It's warm in here, much warmer than it was outside. You see bones hanging from the ceiling and from the walls, children's bones. You smell the scent of, freshly cooked stew. You can almost hear it bubbling and burbling. You see the fresh footprints of an incredibly large cat that's clearly come in and out of this place

many, many times recently. And all of you are overcome with that same Fay Magics. I need you to roll a D12 for me in place. Did they all look like Eddie the Yeti from the Donkey Kong Country TV show? Yeah, I got a nine. I got a 12. I got a four.

I got a five as well. That's right. Tell me what you see in face. Reflections of your dreams. And then I know the rest of the words. Can I get numbers? 12.

9. You feel yourself changing and you are overcome by the magics in this place. your form begins to shift and twist as you don't get smaller. You are Bitsy, you're a mouse person, but your body changes into that of one of the Yule Lads. As where Bitsy had been, you now see Meat Hook. Meat Hook, you snatch up any meat left out,

especially smoked lamb. Oh my God, me too. Smoked lamb? You love smoked lamb. Who doesn't? I don't even hate this guy. Yeah, he's just awesome. Chouples?

I got a four. Your spoon licker. Damn! You lick spoons. I don't want it to lick the spoons. Can I re-roll? No? Better to lick things than you.

Rich? I got a three. You're stubby. You're short and you steal food from frying pans. Nine. Your sausage swiper. You better believe I am. You love stolen sausages.

Stubby's fingers kind of look like sausages and all things. I would say that's true. I sniff around for lamb. You sniff around for lamb. You don't smell lamb in here. You do smell that stew. And you wonder, could lamb be mixed in? Me too.

I'll walk over and I'll look into the same. stew, look around for some sort of a tasting implement, like a spoon. Do I see a spoon? Yeah, I will say you see, you see spoons here and there, yeah, littering the ground. Give it a fucking, no. I look for the spoons. I mean, the pans. What do I like, the pans? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. You are, you're...

What are you stubby? Yeah, you like to steal food from frying pans. Me too. Is there any food in the pants for Stabi? I'm asking what I do. Mine is the most accurate for this prompt. I also will do the spoon. Give me a spoon here.

It's really cool fun part of the time. I want to taste the stew with my meatbook. What is wrong with you guys? Why do you sound with that? We're going to lit a spoon. What do the gorillas do about all of them? The gorillas are, they have shaking you off of their backs. They're not interested in you.

As they continue to sneak deeper and deeper into the cave, where they had teleported to was probably midway through the cave. And you have found yourself at a natural curve in the cave where it's clear that the actual Ull lads have used this place to store a lot of their collection. You do see that there's a roaring fire here. There are some pots that have. remnants of some burnt food and things.

Is there a flying pan with food in it? Yes, of course there is. Yeah, right on top of the little fire, right in the little middle area. I think of their little spoon I'd like to look it. There's a little ice box that's filled with stolen skier. Oh, a big old bowl of skee. I use the stew. Do I get any lamb?

There's no stew here. You smell that there's a stew in ruin. But this is clearly a space where the Yule lads come to be together. be together and to hoard away their stolen things. You see that there are the dead carcasses of sheep that sheep coat clod probably and brought here from a stolen farms. You see that there are, you see that there are pales

of stolen milk, probably golly gawk did this. You see frying cans filled with bits of burnt food still stuck to the bottom that stubby hadn't fully eaten himself. There's a pile of pre-licked spoons. You can see- Those are my spoons to lick. You can see that there are pots here. Look, my voice. We are twins brothers.

There's some unwashed pots that a pot scraper had fully finished. There are pre-licked bowls that bowl liquor has stored away. You also see that there are dwarfed. You also see that there are doors lined up against the wall and areas where rocks have been just been knocked out of the side of this cave. Where door slammer has been slamming doors against the side of the wall over and over and over again.

There are sausages. Yeah. Are you gonna swipe them? You shouldn't enjoy those. They're attached to change. Those are our sausages. You only like sausages you stole. Fuck you!

No, they're attached in a way that's Sacha swiper can swipe them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a great game. Define, Pam. Oh, fuck. You notice that there is one window where there's a window that is set up looking at this area

and part of the sill is worn away where clearly window peeper peeps as the rest of the Yule lads do their things. And you notice areas on these doors that door slammer would have slammed that are also worn down where clearly door sniffer has been sniffed. thing. And lastly, or not lastly, you also see that there are, it's very clear that meat hook has been thieving a lot of the meat. You can see areas where these sausages have been hooked. There's a clear war between meat hook and sausage swiper and the war of sausage swiping.

And then lastly, the 13th Yule Lad, Candlebecker, has all of his candles that he has been stealing. lined up along window peepers window sill. Seeing that sausage swiper has gotten to sausages first, I will look at the skins of a sheep. There's sheep carcasses where clearly sheep coat clod has been stealing sheep to suckle, and they've died in here and their carcasses are rotting. But there are rotting sheep carcasses in here.

Would I consider that lamb-esque? I would say you would consider that lamb-esque. A wattle. Oh, the fuck. Oh, fuck. Do we get the sense that we're still ourselves, but in these bodies, or are we like? You are for the moment overwhelmed by your new nature

as these Yulad creatures. And you watch as the guerrillas barrel, the actual gorillas barrel past you and head deeper into the cave. Where on the frying pans, I need more frying pans. I'm just going to continue to eat lamb carcass as much as possible. You consume all of the lamb carcass. You swipe all of the sausage.

You clear out all of the pan, and you lick every last spoon. And you're all sitting here now having no more spoons to lick, no more sausages to swipe, no more meat to hook, and no more pans to just eat things out of. And you all feel like this is unfair. You can smell the stew coming from deep within this cavern layer. You know that there are probably more pans,

more spoons, more sausages, more lamb, deeper in this cave. I look to stubby and I say, nah, I gotta be honest, stubby. Yeah. Only spoon, look, look at those spoons, it's got me acting unwise. You're lucky that

You're going on here I'm going on Go on That's what I'm saying How do you want to act Just a little lick I'm looking for pans Have you seen pans with food in it?

A little lick of it Now I need to Go deeper in the key Swipe more sausages, swipe more sausages, swipe more sausage Let us go further, meat. We go deeper. Meat. You know what I mean.

Come on, Meek. You, let go. You, What is this music that's right? Flame and thump, the guy meat's stealing a little while. I know my way you're on a sausage. I can handle the sausage.

I can handle 13 sausages at once. Let's go find Colliecock. I can turn this into my real good time. I can party again. Come on, come on, come on. Where's Gallagawk? Let's go. Let's go.

Can I get that Gollig on 9,000. I got a thousand good if I put it in a boom right of the bathroom. For some reason I picture of all work. You fucking boom! Of course you definitely all have pointy hats. As you make your way out of the Yule Ladd's layer, you begin to make your way through the winding caverns of Gryla's layer.

And once you are well past this area, you feel whatever magics had been attached to that layer fade from you. And you, you, you, It was clearly some kind of protective magics to keep anyone from entering the deeper recesses of the cave, hoping that anyone that made it to that point would be overcome by the innate nature of the Yule lads and would stay in that area until they perished or would leave the cave to go find additional things that suited their natures, and the magic would leave them at that point, preventing them from turning back. But you've gone the opposite direction, the smell of the stew,

enticing you. And once you are far enough away, you feel your composure come back to you as you regain your senses, no longer compelled into yule laddery. They didn't bank on the power of true degeneracy. It really didn't. It wins the day yet again. Golly gawk.

And Bitsy, I need you to roll a D12 for me, please. What the fuck? Why does my name not fit the naming convention? I don't care anymore. You got another 12? I don't remember you getting 12 on this one. On this particular chart? Perhaps not.

No. You and all of your companions gain a long rest. That doesn't really help you. It doesn't really matter much. You know, I'll let you roll again, because it really doesn't matter at all. It should have, had up the other things in the second. Yeah.

Yeah. You gain one use of polymorph reindeer. Polymorph reindeer? Mm-hmm. So I can polymorph yourself or you can polymorph somebody else into a reindeer. Oh, so it would be much fun if you could only

polymorph reindeer in other things. That would actually be very right. That's why I assume that you met was that I go polymorph reindeer creatures. Um, okay. So I can follow the gorillas. They have their cool shades on. I'm sure they're already fighting, uh,

Greenlow. I hope they're okay. I want to ask them about the movie Congo. Let's go. Great book. I follow, direct follows. We're running. Grona.

That's what I say. Oh, and I'm the one. We're short a win because our good chumder you think guerrilla tactics. I love that one. You make these jokes as you run deeper and deeper into this cave and eventually you spill out into an opening. The heat is rising up out of this place. and what you're met with is not something

that you expected. In the very center of this room, you see that this room itself is lined even more heavily with the bones of the children that have been stolen by Gryla's cat and the Yule Lads. You see that the stew that she is cooking,

you can smell that there is something off about it. And without fully understanding why you, for the sake of brevity, realize that it is child stew, that it is made from those that have been stolen. And you see that behind this giant cauldron that's bubbling and popping, tied up and changed the wall behind is the Collie King.

He is entrapped by magical manacles that keep him from being able to break away. He looks to be in some sort of stasis. His big bushy beard is showing tingees of gray. His face is pallid. He looks to be aging unnaturally as he is held in these manacles. And the thing that you don't expect more than anything else is that Kryla isn't standing here stirring her stew. There is no yule cat there sleeping warmly by the hearth or 13 yule last. prancing around mischievously,

what you see is absolute mayhem as four giant gorillas are beating the living shit out of 13-year-old. The Yol-cat is held by one of these gorillas. As another one, is they are just going absolutely fucking down. On all these, as they are trying to protect, as they are trying to protect their Holly King, you feel like you have done something really nice,

by trying to avenge these children and sending these guerrillas in here to fight this battle. So I'm gonna have you all roll a D12 for me. Oh my God. Five. Two. 11.

Three. That's the best one. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. No way. Turn around. Okay, sorry.

What did you get? Five. Five. Whenever you re-roll any dye, you can choose someone else to also rerroll. I got a luck point. Two.

You got a two. Roll a D20 for me, please. Oh, 19. Oh, okay. That is a good number. Yeah, it is a good number. Solid number. Solid number.

That's a good number. Well done. Roll a D 100 for me please. Oh shit. 30. You get a rod of alertness. You immediately feel a large sack of here in your hands. Please stop.

Please stop oscillating. Pervertently. Pervert is standing out of danger in more ways than one. Please stop oscillating pervertedly. But yes, you get a rod of alertness. What did you get there? Three. You bought a three.

Okay. Choose one random player. Andy. Who's Andy playing now? He's not Torbeck. Oh my God. There's a correct answer to those. There is a correct answer. Well, shucks out.

Shucks have you. Fly and furniture. I hear you. This is his choice. Bitsy immediately thinks of his good friend, her good friend, Booker. Oh, sweet Jesus. Oh my God, this kid knows everywhere.

All of a sudden, I have his rod of alertness, and like, Toreback is waiting around, like, and then all of a sudden, and then all of a sudden, Yep. What? Oh, oh my, oh my God. Bixie? Yeah. What am I doing here?

What, what, uh, ah! All these children are enjoying a nice bourbon and now I'm here. I'm sorry. This is your fault. What are you mad? See? Well, I'm sorry. I was trying to know.

What? He goes to my chuckles and then this is Briggsie and he's got a chunk. Oh, Bitsy, what have you done? What have you done? Why are you here? I, well, I'm not sure it's magic. It's a little like Yule Time, like winterness. And you get another opportunity to be the DM, Michael.

Do we see Gryla anywhere? Yeah, Gryla is in the very middle. She is trying to protect her stew. But she is occasionally getting hit by a rogue Yulad as it's being tossed this way, not by the gorillas. You imagine that once the gorillas are done with the cat and the Yuleads, killing them, by the way, that they will all discused.

send upon Gryla if they survive. But she's very powerful and they probably won't be able to- Do you imagine they probably can't handle it on their own? Booker. But you've been ripped from your reality to this horrible, strange world. I don't even have my banjo. This works really well.

But as you don't have your banjo, but you reach your banjo and you instead find nothing at your hips. besides two strange glowing metallic weapons. Huh? And you suddenly make a history check advantage. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I don't even have, oh my gosh. Hold on one second. Give you one moment. It's okay. Give me one moment. I'm going to roll while I can pull a booker. We're twisting. Yeah, let's try.

Let's give it a try. Let me get a good number here so that I can do my... You said history? Oh, I forgot, I'm actually like, ah, history's not even like, come on. 20 total, 30, 20. That's what you needed.

You find these two, they look like, the strange implements, they're glowing magical weapons. And you realize that you can disassemble them and put them together. I don't know how I know this. And just you suddenly feel in this strange magical sense is where you have always been called a coward your whole life.

You've been called a craven. And you realize now in this moment, who needs courage when you have a gun? That's right. And as you assemble your destiny, a weapon,

a weapon that a good weapon like this needs a name, you assemble a rifle. a Magitec rifle glowing with radiant arcane magic. And you hold it in your raccoon hands. And you don't know why you're here, you don't know who the fuck these strangers are.

You see these gorillas and they're getting horribly wounded by the Yule Lads, by this big cat. And you get the sense that they will not, their strength isn't enough to defeat the gigantus. You're doing it, Booker. You're believing. At three foot nothing, I've never felt more powerful

in my entire life. You feel like your entire life has suddenly been leading to this moment, and you have the opportunity to fire Revelation. That's right. Courage is for losers. I have a gun, and I pull the trigger. Revelation.

Oh, God. Oh, it's amazing. I make an attack advantage. Because you're an unseen attacker. She's a back turn. Yeah? You can stop me. No, no, no, no.

This is. We're twisting. Well, hold on. I've got a plus a billion. No, keep twisting. You gotta, you gotta go back. Okay, all right, all right. Well, I'll twist twice.

I'll twist twice. The other one was much higher. Two more. Two more twists. That's gonna be a 17 plus 16 as like a 30 something to hit. That hits. Oh, Jesus.

It is. And I will then pass. 15D6 plus 40 force damage. I passed over what happens to our lovely dungeon mistress as you pull out Revelation. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Here's, he's in 19, 20, 21. Keep both to keep those so that we can start rolling. How much of your dice make? That's six. This is another five. Oh, good Lord. That's 10. That's gonna be nine. That's 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. That's gonna be 18, 20, 27, 28, plus another 5, 10 is 38, 4, plus,

10 is 48, 50, 56, 106 points of force damage. And before you pull the trigger, you say courage, we need the gun, but you feel like you need to say some cold-blooded shit to a motherfucker before popping an arcane cat in her ass. And what suddenly comes to you, these words, and it's Gryla, may the wild gorillas on the line,

assuades the anguish of your bereavement. Goodbye. Garilla, may these gorillas assuage the bereavement of your, I forget what you just sanguished of your bereavement. Goodbye. And the force of the rifle is like, boom. And there's like air, the bullet is spiraling.

Googer slams up against the wall behind him as revelation, this gun that does not belong on this plane of existence. It doesn't belong in the Fayyield at all. A gun that was meant for a realm far beyond this, but somehow found itself here, as if the gods of the universe knew what needed to happen to save anybody watching the stream

from however long it would have taken to kill this character. And it's almost as if in slow motion, you watch as Booker slams into the wall. And where Booker had been, he bursts into magic and Torbeck reappeared. If you feel in your soul, the Booker has gone back to where he belongs and Torbeck is back with you. And in slow motion, Torbeck slams.

You don't have time to react. Torbeck slams to the ground. This is your opportunity to shut up and let me finish the session. Dorebeck slams to the floor. Everything is almost silent as redemption, as the bullet pierces through the air. You all watch it in shock.

You don't even notice that Booker has turned back into Torbeck and that Booker is no longer there. You watch in slow motion as this bullet makes contact with Gryla's back. She is turned away from you. She had no idea this was happening. It pierces into her body. You see her arch backwards for a moment in pain.

You don't hear her scream out. it almost feels like nothing has happened at all. And then where the bullet pierced, you see a perfect white light. And then almost as if true revelation has come, the apocalypse, the end of the world. A large, almost atomic-like blast explodes out from this moment,

doing incredible damage. You were all flown back by the blast against the walls. You hear the guerrillas screech out somehow over the sound. of this. Yulalads have turned to paste in 13 different places. You are all coated in Yulad Vissera and Yule cat hair and fluff. It is annihilation in here. And all you can hear is the sound of your heart pounding in your chest. And then finally, and then all you can hear

the sounds all around you, the ringing in your ears from the sounds of revelation, you see that the cauldron that had been filled with children's stew is upturned and pouring out all over the place. You begin to finally hear the screams. There's clearly deep underneath the earth a large cavern that is filled with all of the stolen children not yet cooked, safe, ready to be taken home to their parents. You see the Holly King shaking his head as he's finally coming to that the blast from Revelation has completely decimated the magic binding shackles

that had held him at bay, though none of the guerrillas have survived. Grilla or gorillas. You have this day saved the Holly King and all of the children and finally rid this land of the gorilla that was on the loose.

That's what on the session. Unbelievable. I never, legendary session on the book. I never saw a single moment of this whole campaign coming. There's no way to predict a single moment. The moment, as soon as Buller had the realization that Tom,

the attack on Titan starts playing. Lund made a really good point. Turebeck misses everything. He missed, he missed the whole final battle. You can dodge bad, and you suddenly, oh, you start crying. We all start crying and start crying. Step down.

Is this not a baraki? Also, while you get lost... I'll see you know your judo. While everything was completely silent and all we get to hear is our heart beats, Torbeck's heart sounds like this. Boom. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bump, bum, bump, bum.

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