lemonparty - 007: Big Gulp

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Big Gulp, TX | 007 lemonparty more audio/video episodes on the private feed: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty sponsor: https://bluechew.com promo code lemon ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/ben...averyisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 The perils of being Paul Aaron Fest. Ben was telling me a lot about this maniac earlier. Oh, you're getting into physics now because of the Cormac McCarthy book? Yeah, I'm a physicist guy now. I'm reading Wittgenstein. That really is the last level. That's the old school level of being an extreme retarded guy. Is getting really into math.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Yeah. Yeah. Ben, if he was born in the 40s, would have got really into Wittgenstein. Mm-hmm. And would have just been drawing on a wall in a fucking simple man. He's the brother who gets shot in the head. Oh, Wittgenstein. Wittgenstein.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Excuse me. And for whatever reason, getting really into math always makes people anti-Semitic. Isn't that odd? Yeah. They can read the numbers in the Old Testament and realize how evil Jewish people are. Doing enough algebra and physics just makes you be like,
Starting point is 00:01:11 and it all leads up to equals Jew! And then you just find yourself playing chess at the park. I think Carl Jung was a... I'm reading Jung's biography right now. I think he was a Nazi sympathizer. But it's disputed. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:27 I mean, of course he was. But he's Swiss. Well, I mean... Is that a thing? It feels like most people back in the day that were prominent, you could look into their past behind the scenes. I don't know. I feel like I hear that all the time.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Everyone was an anti-Semite. Did you see the thing that went viral today with that lady from from the 1930s no what it was a recorded speech of her talking they canceled a woman from 1930 dude it's what they canceled lenny reef install i heard they canceled ava braun she's canceled we figured we figured out that hitler's dog hated jews uh this uh right hitler's dog used to bark at money And we know what that means Oh yeah I've seen I didn't watch it but I saw it
Starting point is 00:02:19 Wizard of Oz lady Are you feeling good this morning? Hope you do I'm trying to get on my feet again. Feel pretty good. Thankful it's as well as it is. Oh, boys, I'm pleased to see you. I don't know where you come from, but I give you all the welcome I've got to offer you. Okay, so here's what's funny about this. It's like, isn't this interesting? This woman was born in 1835. She was interviewed in 1929.
Starting point is 00:02:47 Let's scroll the replies real quick to just get a little bit of a deeper dive on who this old bitch was. Ah, look. Here's the Wikipedia page for her. Rebecca Latimer Felton. Hmm. Rebecca Latimer Felton was a white supremacist and Congress's last former slave owner and spoke vigorously in favor of lynching. Wait, that old bitch was in Congress?
Starting point is 00:03:12 Yes, she was. Oh, well, that is weird because of women's suffrage. Yeah, that was the OG Kristen Sinema. They were like, we don't let women in, but because she still owns enough slaves. You own enough slaves that you're a man in 1929. It's weird because you think, when you think of really racist people back in the day, you don't imagine a sweet old, you don't think of your grandma.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Yeah. My great-grandanny. They're all like that. If you showed me a video of that woman and said, this is your great-great-grandmother, I would have been like, yeah, probably. And she probably owns slaves. Exactly. Hand Joe Biden a Brazil nut and say, what do you call this?
Starting point is 00:03:53 You just see the Secret Service just dive on him. They tackle him. It would be horrible. They shoot him with one of those big tube darts in the neck. That's really what Twitter is. It's someone going, oh, look at this nice, sweet, innocent, cool and interesting thing. And someone goes, oh, it's literally,
Starting point is 00:04:08 actually it's a Nazi. Yeah, yeah. Or actually it's racist. The amount of times they're like, young boy saved man in burning fire and his dog. And they're like, the boy actually raped five women in a Detroit nightclub. He only saved the dog so he could rape it.
Starting point is 00:04:23 a detroit nightclub he only saved the dog so he could rape it yeah she was a uh devout uh committed to the to the bitter end yeah didn't have a uh a deathbed confession of some kind not to play the devil's advocate but you kind of got to feel bad for people who had like the last people who got to have slaves and they were take like imagine you at 32, somebody you don't get to use an iPhone anymore. Right. It's like coming into MoviePass in the last month. Yeah, what if like...
Starting point is 00:04:53 You're like, I could have had it all. Damn you! I could have seen Call Me By Your Name for free. I wanted to watch the whale for two dollars just like yeah I get what you're saying like next month just Patreon goes out of business yeah you never know
Starting point is 00:05:13 you'd be like in 60 years your grandkids are like why is grandpa so pissed at the internet it's like well grandpa you was gonna have a great life and then he became a janitor in Tupelo back then if you didn't have this lady's Grandpa was going to have a great life. And then he became a janitor in Tupelo. Back then, if you didn't have this lady's beliefs, you had to have been like, it's like you were like the town hippie.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Like, it's like, oh, he's on mushrooms all the time. Like, you have to be doing. Oh, if you weren't in favor of lynching. Yeah. Yeah. Then you were like a liberal. Yeah. You're like crazy.
Starting point is 00:05:38 Wild. You're like, you're like Ralph Waldo Emerson. You're just like prancing around naked. Just like, no, I think maybe we're all equal. Everyone's like, shut up, queer. Yeah, you could walk up to Walt Whitman and be like, I don't think we should own black people. He's like, all right, get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:05:53 I guess the liberal idea then was like, I don't brand my slaves. It's inhumane. I cut my sign into their skin. It heals much quicker. It's faster. No, I do stick and poke i take them to a woman-run tattoo shop in van eyes it's still l.a
Starting point is 00:06:20 yeah the idea that they were doing just slaves in modern day l.a slaves on mul holland drive on a uh on a lighter topic here jace yeah uh you don't want to stick with slavery well i was thinking maybe just for the algorithm we just maybe change gears real quick sure uh you know the algorithm run by let's move on. They. I heard they. Them. They. They Live. What do you think that movie's about? Oh, my God. Jace. Don't even get me started.
Starting point is 00:06:49 Jace. Easy. This guy. So, Cora McCarthy gave probably his last interview to one of his friends at the Santa Fe Institute because you released his- Yeah. I think I sent you the interview. You did?
Starting point is 00:07:03 Yeah. I sent it to you this morning. Well, let me tell you what happens in the interview. Sorry. I sent it to you this morning Well let me tell you What happens in the interview Sorry I'm not Not a professional broadcaster Did you watch it I watched like the first half of it
Starting point is 00:07:11 And I was like I'm gonna go fucking watch porn I'm not gonna Listen to this old Old moron talk You're gonna watch that No country for old men themed porn He just puts a cattle prod
Starting point is 00:07:20 In the lady's pussy And shoots it up it Call it Yeah Call it. Yeah, call it. Calling a cum shot. Maybe I come back and fuck your wife. What time do you get off? No, I mean like sexually.
Starting point is 00:07:37 When do you cum? When do you bust nuts? Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are, Anton? What do you mean? You know, you don't have to do this. Do what? You don't have to pull your dick out, start jerking off. They all say that.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Don't pull your dick out. Why are your balls so weird? They all say these things. That bukkake was pure, unexplained evil. You know how much dick I got in El Paso? That's how much dick I told you I ain't got no pussy You got no pussy for old men Pussy, pussy
Starting point is 00:08:18 I already told you I ain't got no pussy I ain't got no damn pussy There ain't no damn pussy out here last man jacking where is he ain't got no damn lube ain't got no water-based lubricant fucking idiot looking for a man who's recently drank cum oh so you just got brothers brazzers brother i've been there oh hell they fuck the dog oh sheriff they look like they fucked the dog.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Sheriff, they look like they fucked the dog, too. Fuck the dog, Sheriff. That's a dog covered in cum. Yes, it is. Looks like an ass. Well, if it ain't an ass, it'll do till they ask us here. We've done like 85 no country riffs together. Dude, on Hatewatch, Jason and I have done like 85 no country dude on hate watch jace and i have done nothing but no country riffs and it's still the funniest thing in the world favorite movie can't stop what's coming yeah there you go c-u-m-m-i-n-g can't stop what's coming
Starting point is 00:09:37 sheriff ed tombell just masturbated it's that old lady who's with the big beehive and she's like, ain't gay. Can't eat no pussy, ain't gay. Did you not hear me? I can't eat no pussy. He's sawing off a dildo. Anton Sugar putting people on the casting couch. He's like, take a seat.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Blowing up an RV in front of a sex shop so he can steal a bunch of pocket pussies. I need my poppers. Look at that fucking boner. You're condom. Give it to me. Yeah, give it to me. I didn't say you fucking suck his dick yeah he fucks the kids at the end he gets in a big car wreck he goes here's take this he hands him a hundred dollars he goes your penis show it to me
Starting point is 00:10:39 this is a fucking snapped arm and he's like all right one last molestation before i go out the grandma's in the car she's like yeah i got the aids oh god hell yeah dude fuck yeah dude we did it did it. No country riff in the books. Let's end this. What are we at? Three minutes? Fuck.
Starting point is 00:11:10 What were you about to bring up? You were talking about Paul. His two dreams at the end are both gay sex dreams. That's right. He just confesses he's gay. My dad was riding beside me and he was carrying one of those pair of tits with the pussy in the middle of it and inside the greatest hits of women yeah right there just two titties in a pussy it was the greatest hits of women which was a great ben
Starting point is 00:11:34 stand-up joke back in the day yeah it was and inside the pussy you could see moonlight like a fire and he was going up ahead to prepare his ass for me to fuck it at the end the brother is roofing the coffee he's like this will knock you right out man that rules yes sir that's all the lines from the movie so in we did it so uh uh a physicist at the um santa fe institute where cory mccarthy has lived for the past 25 30 years just so you can talk about like which is like a works and part a think tank right to think tank where they talk about like probably eugenics and sure ideas that we couldn't wrap our minds around that are they think are probably, because as I was explaining to Devin before you got here, they look at us like we're all dogs. Sure.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Pigs. Yeah. We're swine. We're livestock to them. They can't relate to it. If Cormac's so smart, though, why'd he move to such a hack place like Santa Fe? Santa Fe is where white women go
Starting point is 00:12:36 that think Native Americans can do magic. It's where white women move to build a house out of fucking those blue rocks. Yes, exactly. What is that fucking stupid rock? Turquoise. Turquoise, yeah. It's the color.
Starting point is 00:12:50 It's the thing, yeah. It's white women go, I want a rock so blue that I fucking cum. So I better move to Santa Fe. They're like, this dress was made out of a Hopi Indian. It's got a face on the front of it. It's like taxidermy Native Americans. White woman Ed Gein. Yeah, we moved here so my husband can make dinosaur sculptures out of old car parts.
Starting point is 00:13:16 But we hated the city. We hated living in Midland. We moved to Santa Fe because they put hatch chili in the adrenochrome. We moved to Santa Fe because they put hatch chili in the adrenochrome. In this interview, he talks about, like, Wittgenstein, which is the, like, a foundation for all of philosophy. Sure. Because of his critique of language. Cormac is so smart, and he's been around the smartest guys in the world, that he'll, wittgenstein he goes you know it's all a bunch of he goes he doesn't really know what
Starting point is 00:13:48 he's talking about because his ideas are interesting yeah so he's dismissive of every single person he brings up because he's so wildly smart and one of the guys he brings up is paul ehrenfest okay and it was really interesting because cormac had a great line where he goes you know a lot of people think he's a uh theoretical physicist from austria in the 1800s sure i promise this will get interesting in one second i promise that is interesting it's fucking fascinating he goes a lot of people think paul paul uh aaron fess killed himself because he didn't get enough notoriety in the scientific community and that's not true he actually committed suicide because he was suicidal which is just like a really funny yeah that's just a funny thing to say he said it not trying
Starting point is 00:14:36 to be funny at all yeah he was saying it very matter of factly so i look at this guy because i'm like anytime someone tells me someone who's a genius kills himself, I'm like, I got it. I got to know how he's literally me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's so me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Oh, the amount of times when I was 15 and I read, I was like, he was so brilliant. He took his own. I'm like, that's so fucking me, dude. Dude, fucking shame. And when I see like a guy like Juice WRLD die, I'm like, that's so me. like a guy like juice world uh die i'm like that's so mean this guy this guy fucking killed himself when he was like 55 sure and he went to you know how when someone was retarded back then they put him in like a retarded hospital yeah that's what they called them yeah it was like a it was just a retard hospital yeah a tard center yeah they said no they said put them in the big hole in the middle of town
Starting point is 00:15:28 and you're like yeah you're like why they're like we dug a big pit to keep all the retards in we dug a pit for mongo throw them some beans once a month basically so they're like you don't have to tie him to a tree anymore right yeah we have a you know a cot no no we don't have to tie him to a tree anymore. We have a cot. No, no, no. We don't have to amputate all his limbs. Put him in the big hole. He can't get out. Don't even open the can of beans. Just throw it to him.
Starting point is 00:15:52 He opens it with his mouth. It's like, you ever seen when they feed a watermelon to a hippo? It's kind of the same type of thing. This guy had a retarded son. Really? Paul Ehrenfest. Paul Ehrenfest. Wally Ehrenfest, his retarded son. I'm more of a Mike E aaron fest wally aaron fest his retarded son yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:16:06 i'm more of a mike ermantrout guy but go on before before he killed himself he went to the retard hospital with a gun and he shot his son in the head and killed him and then he shot himself in the head and killed himself man dude that's fucking baller dude everybody loved this guy though albert einstein said he was the greatest uh teacher or whatever like people he was a he guided a lot of young men but he he was so very depressed that i guess he was i don't know i don't know why he killed his retarded boy though did he leave a note or anything not that i found that's just like my son's so retarded i have to kill myself well that's what i asked ben told me about this earlier and I was like, well, did anyone ever think
Starting point is 00:16:45 maybe it was the humane, like he was trying to be humane or something? Yeah, no, honestly, is that what he was trying to do? Is my question, like put his son, like take his son out
Starting point is 00:16:53 and then himself. Was he so smart that he's like, he's in there and he doesn't even know, like I'm so smart, I know that he doesn't know. And it's a hell.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Yeah, maybe it was an old yeller type of thing for him that's what i kind of put him out of his misery yeah boys and men type shit but anyway i mean who's to say devin made a good point though you said earlier you were like you're like but how how retarded was the boy that's the thing he better have been like just completely just deranged. There's not anything you can get out of him. He's not even chimp-like. Yeah, beyond chimp-like. Beyond a block of wood. He doesn't even throw his shit.
Starting point is 00:17:34 He eats it. All right, just maybe kill him. A couple of years, we're trying to get him to the throwing stage. But it would be funny if he was just like almost completely like he just was like really in a scar or something he was just like malibu's most wanted like that's the type of mental yeah he's like my kid's a dj i'm gonna blow his head off his kids always wearing that visor flipped upside down and to the side he's like yeah my son i had to i had to take him out he's always going
Starting point is 00:18:13 just making that sound effect in conversation my son turns a nile and then a dial and then dances behind it My son turns a dial and then dances behind it. He does the thing where you turn a dial and then act like it's hot. Too hot to the touch. Woo! Reverb! Woo!
Starting point is 00:18:38 He's like, my son, he did like a tribute to George Floyd. It was really embarrassing. His son's David Guetta oh shit but did this guy discover anything big before he blew his fucking yeah he did
Starting point is 00:18:51 but I don't understand any of this shit his dumb brains out I read I read I don't understand any of these he talks about
Starting point is 00:18:58 string theory for like seven pages I don't get I don't understand yeah string theory is weird right where it's like stuff's a vibration
Starting point is 00:19:03 but it's also matter at the same time dude I have no clue yeah he he has conversations in here where physicists are just talking to each other and you've you've no clue it's like really hard math equations and stuff every now and you'll catch something that's brilliant and beautiful he'll say stuff like in the universe doesn't know you exist and it doesn't like stuff like that that makes you feel really really alone and you go that's good that's why i read cornt mccarthy because every character he has in a book is just a completely isolated guy just so very far from man that he that he that he either like kills people and has sex with their dead bodies or child of god or yeah or uh you know uh trying to think of the the other books it's
Starting point is 00:19:46 just a guy killing babies and stuff yeah it's crazy no i mean that's my favorite part about reading it's like you got to read so you you get one day closer to blowing your fucking brains out yeah that's why that's why i don't do it someone was like someone was like why someone was like literally like why should i read blood meridian i'm like there's this one scene where like a baby's head gets like chopped off and then a guy eats it And the guy was like I'm not I'm not I don't read that but you're into that book for the same reason people are into Like weird Japanese movies you like think like that's your battle royale. Yeah. Yeah, don't tell me he's a genius He was just writing saw Well what I'm what I'm realizing is he was at a typewriter going, dude, this is so fucked up.
Starting point is 00:20:27 This is so fucking crazy. So then they kidnapped the tourists and they put a key in the eye. Dude, you'll fucking laugh, but a main character in Blood Meridian is a super retarded boy they lock in a cage that eats its own shit and drinks its own piss and stuff. Yeah. And it gets molested the whole book. You know what's crazy is that these are all based on average Texans. Yeah. It's just
Starting point is 00:20:51 modern day like he's at Whataburger. Yeah. Blood Meridian is written about at a Longhorn game parking lot. Blood Meridian is just like they were playing Ross that day. The big Ross rivalry. Texas is so stupid
Starting point is 00:21:06 that our smartest school in Texas is just named Rice. What does that stand for? Rice University. That sucks. Is that true? Yeah, I guess that is. In Rice Village in Houston.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Yeah, I think so. That's like our Harvard. He goes to fucking bread or whatever. He goes to bread bread or whatever that place yeah we got bread rice we got potato tack we better beat milk we're gonna face milk at state boy those milk boys are tough let me tell you it we're driving down to eggs if we beat them we're gonna go play butter yeah my my grandnanny was born in eggs texas of course my granddaddy he comes from he comes from steak and we always used to joke
Starting point is 00:21:55 it's just like steak and eggs of course my grandpappy he got the uh he got the summer fever and killed the whole family i only escaped because i hid under the floorboards for a couple days. That was right after he escaped Tater, Texas. Every city in Texas, you'll be on a road trip through Texas, and you're like, hey, we're entering Mike. It's Mike, Texas. Yeah, Mike. Our high school was just Jim Ned.
Starting point is 00:22:25 It was named after an Indian. Jim Ned, and he was an Indian that was a traitor. He sold out where his tribe was so they could do a sneak attack and go, the white settlement went and killed the tribe. And everyone in Texas likes that. And they're like, he's one of the good ones. He helped Texas become Texas. How could we be racist?
Starting point is 00:22:41 Right. This Indian man helped us kill all those other fellas. Welcome to Diseased Blankets, Texas. It's basically like naming your high school like Candace Owens High School or something. There's towns in Texas called
Starting point is 00:22:59 White Settlement Texas and shit like that. Rick Perry had a ranch for a long time called inward head ranch jesus christ that was the actual name of it yeah and he would get it people get mad at him on the news all the time they'd be like you gotta change it he'd be like it's an old family name he goes we inherited the name we inherited the name and we own it we own that name and we can make it do whatever we want. Dude, when I was on this road trip with my friend John, I got him in Atlanta and we drove
Starting point is 00:23:30 all the way back to California and we drove through. Texas is like the brunt of the trip. We were in some, we pulled into some really small town called like, you know, like, I don't know, Joseph Goebbels, Texas. Goebbelsville. Goebbelsville. gobles texas go goblesville goblesville there will will weirdly be like super german towns because of all the german settlements that's just like i had no i was like an idiot i had no clue about naziburg texas yeah yeah and we just we we were at like a bar we like walk county welcome to hitler county home of the home of the Reifenstahl Hitlerettes.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Yeah, a famous fucking acrobat team. But yeah, we just pulled into this really small town, and we walked into this bar where all they had was a case of Bud Light. And we wound up talking to this old dude out back and within 10 minutes he started describing black people. He was like, and then he just started dropping the N word over and over again. Soft A,
Starting point is 00:24:33 hard R. Hard R. No, he wasn't that hip. Those kids haven't even discovered the A yet. He wasn't like rap. It wasn't like a cipher. He didn't start rapping. He's like, hey, take my mixtape. They haven't discovered the A. If those guys heard a soft A, they think you just have like a cleft palate or something.
Starting point is 00:24:53 You couldn't get the R out. Yeah, they think guys that say the N word with the A are just like retarded racists. They're like, he's a little slow, but he still gets it out. Come on, buddy, say it. Come on, sound it out. They do hooked on phonics for saying the N-word. Yeah, like the kid in your popcorn reading who couldn't read. You're like, come on.
Starting point is 00:25:14 No. Just on the board, you're just trying in cursive, just writing the N-word. That's exactly right. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. That is the bit. But the guy sounds like a great guy. that's exactly right yes sir that is the bit but the guy sounds like a great guy he was cool like he was fascinating because he was like an old classic Texan
Starting point is 00:25:34 and then after he started saying all those words we asked him more about his life these words you motherfuckers we pretty quickly realized he's just a huge piece of shit like like for whatever you know he just starts talking about his family and he's like yeah my first born son he don't like me my second born daughter she don't
Starting point is 00:25:57 like me and like everybody hated him and left him and we're like well i wonder why yeah that is an archetype of guy that i love in the south where he's like i'm just doing this and i'm a hard worker man i don't show my emotions too much my no one everyone left my life but that's just because you know i'm a hard working guy yeah it's just a big conspiracy yeah they're just like they just don't like a hard day's work follow the n-word they don't know what i did ever i woke up at 4 a.m to beat the shit out of my kids every day they're showing you their hands like you see these blisters i said the n-word the whole month
Starting point is 00:26:34 of november me and the boys we go down in that mile we want to leave till we'd say two maybe three four hundred n-words some days even on my days off i'm just thinking it i sit down and i think it they say they're my thinking chair i'm always practicing we're gonna say this they go down into the mine and they say the n word so much that they come out just covered in soot and charcoal they're just an old pennsylvania mining town no they can't even mine. They're like, this is making us like them!
Starting point is 00:27:11 Yeah, they're like, the whole town went under ever since they shut down the factory and there's just a big, there's the N-word factory. Where they just make the N-word. Dude, a town where they literally go green. So they don't, aren't in blackface anymore. They're like driving Teslas around.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Yeah, yeah. They're like, we look so much better in our souped up leafs. Man, they're like lynching a miner. Horrific. Every attempt to get us into a better riff it just ends up in a worse i really want to just go back to no country for old men and i want no stone left unturned but i imagine how annoying that bit is if you've never seen the movie though you're like all right come on already yeah because we did it for like nine minutes Chigurh's flipping the coin. He's like, say it.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Say it. Well, I got to know what I have to say. He's like, you know. You know what you have to say. The star football player walks in. He goes, you say it. My parents, for a while, lived in a town called Dish, Texas. And the town was called a different town name,
Starting point is 00:28:31 and they changed it to Dish so they could get free Dish TV. Are you serious? Not even for two years, they got free Dish TV. Just because it was called Dish, Texas. Just because it was called Dish, Texas. Dish did a promotion. If any town in the country changes their name to Dish, we'll give you free Dish TV. For 10 years. For two years. free Dish TV. For 10 years.
Starting point is 00:28:45 For two years. Oh, for two. For 700 days. Dude, imagine if you allowed the name of your town to be changed to Big Gulp, Texas. So you could get a deal? You just get a nice, you get 30 cents off a Big Gulp. They're like, we changed the town name,
Starting point is 00:29:01 and every Friday they let us put our head under the slushing machine. You get 45 seconds with the slushing machine, no questions asked, partner. And I mean no questions. He's getting real cheeky about it. They close the door, they lock it, and they start the timing. Listen, buddy, you can just treat that slushing machine like a $2 whore down in Tijuana. T-Daddy. Sometimes I've done horrific things to the cherry. that says your machine like a two dollar whore down in tijuana
Starting point is 00:29:32 sometimes i've done horrific things to the cherry you don't want to know what i did to the grape i don't deal with the coca-cola slushy i'll tell you that much me and the vanilla slushy dude if you go to a convenience store in Texas, there's just a guy cooking. It's a full kitchen on the side of the road. Just some guy cooking. Everything's deep fried. A deep fried burrito, it's that thick of a tortilla. A guy cooking on the engine block of his car while it's running. Just flipping ribs over.
Starting point is 00:30:03 There's no mediums in Texas. It's large and extra large. And then they have the size everybody does, which is you bring your mug back. Yeah. Which is a thing. Do you know about this? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:17 You bring the mug back. The giant mug, yeah. The mug you have to strap into your lap. And you treat it like it's your state championship trophy yeah it looks like the stanley cup kind of like it's just wanna it's the mug every fat substitute teacher in america had where it just looks like you got to lift it over your head while people are cheering it's the claret jug yeah the claret jug it's the specific like 44 ounce plastic with the big handle and the woman like has to put a fucking arm brace on just to drink her sweet tea out of it every
Starting point is 00:30:51 time you refill it it runs out yeah it runs at the fountain it just it goes it just shoots air people are getting tommy john surgery just so they could lift their drink. Yeah, you're like, let me ask you, can I just fill it up with the syrup? I don't want none of that. I don't want none of that water. I don't want none of that fancy water. I heard they put water into Coca-Cola. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Somebody using a soda bottle for the first time, they go, what the hell is this bullshit? They put water in it. Don't put ice in hell is this bullshit? They put water in it. Don't put ice in it. It melts and there's water in it. You gotta freeze the Coca-Cola. Do you have any Coke ice so I don't dilute my precious
Starting point is 00:31:35 Coca-Cola? They're at Starbucks getting their drink. They're like, I want it to be all pumps. Just a pump? No, just give me that. Give me the pump. The thing you're pumping. Give me the damn pump.
Starting point is 00:31:48 I'll pump it into my mouth. I've seen these queers from California saying two pump, three pump. I want all pump. They want the pump. They want the pump
Starting point is 00:31:56 with whipped cream on top of the plastic. And then they walk out and they're like, just got my morning joe. Just drinking the caramel mix out of the tub yeah yeah the nights are getting longer but the breeze isn't the only thing that's getting stiff that's right this episode is sponsored by blue chew guys we all know that confidence can take you far in life that's especially true in the bedroom especially when it's time to step up the plate.
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Starting point is 00:34:22 I get free Blue Chew. You get to try it out for free. You just pay $5 for the shipping. It's pretty good. I do love trying stuff. You can make your dick rock hard and suck on your own dick until you cum. I would love to try that for free. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:35:43 Bye. Back to the show. Bye everybody. What did this have to do with paul aaron fest oh he will current mccarthy was talking about him and he just i basically what i learned is from anything i'm reading no matter how smart it is or whatever i'm just going to i'm never going to get smarter because i'm just going to get out of it what i want to get out of it i fat throughout that whole interview the only takeaway i've taken away from it is there was once a nuclear physicist whose shot is retarded side of the head that's really the story you have to take away from yeah yeah i don't know anything about math now or like how the world works or how to well some of those guys have a paradigm shifting thing you know right well
Starting point is 00:36:24 also all those guys they chase their entire life. They get no pussy. They just do math all the time. Yeah. And then they're like, I think atoms are made out of fucking shit. Of quarks and crazy shit. Yeah, at the end of the day, they're like, oh, fucking no. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:39 We all die. Yeah, yeah. And then 80 years later, they're like, oh, it's not made out of quarks. That guy fucking sucked. Fuck him. Well, the weird thing is, is they all define themselves as materialists meaning that the the it's the philosophy that uh the only thing that exists essentially is matter and the uh movement of matter yeah but we don't even know if that exists but but but the here's here's the
Starting point is 00:36:59 thing if that's what you study your whole life what is the point yeah if you're a materialist and all you want to study is the the thing that reinforces the thing you believe which is there's there's just like atoms that's gotta it's gotta get born right it's also basically a really like smart way of telling everybody you're a big capitalist pig you're like yeah i'm a genius look at my new samsung i got a new tesla these are material right now some people it's a scam yeah it is also the thing where they're like when some people think this math is useless but we also use this math to invent pornography machines just the american public not yeah people think physics is useful but we gave you the atom bomb and crippling porn addiction so you're fucking welcome the hadron collider is just a pussy and a dick yeah yeah just fucking fired at each other they're just like we wanted to see what happens when a pussy goes into a dick so we have to fire
Starting point is 00:37:53 it at 400 000 miles here's the the thing about geniuses is like if you're so smart how come you suck so much ass in person aren't smart people capable of conversation you're annoyed by any question anybody asks you anything cormac is asked he just goes seems like before he starts talking it just goes i guess he goes what do you want from me if you went up to him you're like hey what's up cormac he'd be like and you'd be like what are you retarded you don't know how to say hello i think that's like basic i think like really stupid people know how to say hello he tells us he tells one interesting anecdote which i was i was interested by because he goes oh a funny thing happened i go what what does this guy yeah think is funny and he just quotes crystal leah yeah he's a big crystal leah fan yeah it's the only thing he loves
Starting point is 00:38:42 cory mccarthy's like I got to the end of my life and I realized it's all pointless except sometimes drunk girls be like, sometimes drunk girls be like, no. But Cory McCarthy's like,
Starting point is 00:38:57 you ever see that thing on the YouTube? Suh, dude. Yeah, Cory McCarthy watching terrible TikToks. Coryccarthy's like what are those oh god god is it i get it oh it's interesting thing because something something very interesting and he talks like he talks like he's about to die at any moment yeah because he's just been typing in a room he has like 80 million dollars he just
Starting point is 00:39:28 types in a little box his whole life he doesn't want to be bothered by anybody he's just like the thing a funny thing happened where I was typing in the other room over there and the by the library this how we talk yeah by the library over there and one of the students came how we talk yeah by the library over there and um one of the students came came by one of the freshmen and they leaned in and they were hearing the ticking the tick tick tick tick tack and they leaned in they go i'm sorry could i ask you a question i said well well sure you can ask me a question and they said what is that And they said, what is that?
Starting point is 00:40:07 I said, well, it's a typewriter. They said, I've never heard of such a contraption. He goes, but that's just the younger generation. That's the younger generation doing mixed race dating and whatnot. And the next question is like, well, what are you writing about? He's like, well, I'm writing about a baby that was born with it's penis in it's mouth and it pisses into it's pussy you're like
Starting point is 00:40:32 what the fuck what the fuck is wrong with you being that smart makes you a deranged maniac maybe you're familiar with my books where people have sex with dead people for 300 pages. Maybe you've seen my books where I've created killing machines no one's ever heard of.
Starting point is 00:40:54 Who the fuck ever thought of shooting somebody with a cattle prop? He just hates humanity. He hates humanity. Yeah, it's beautiful. He's disgusted by people. It's literally like talking to a dog. You know when you go up to a baby in a crib or whatever and you go, Goo Goo Gaga, oh, look, oh.
Starting point is 00:41:12 That's him ordering at Starbucks. Well, he's also a fucking asshole about that. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's the thing. Just be a fucking normal person, you fucking idiot. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody likes books. Shut up. You're doing an art from 80 years ago, dumbass. You know what's interesting? person you fucking idiot that's yeah it's like nobody gave a shit nobody likes books shut up
Starting point is 00:41:25 fucking you're doing an art from 80 years ago dumbass you know it's interesting do a podcast exactly fag he thinks art's gay in this interview he says like art and literature and stuff won't exist in 100 years and it's like a he says it's a like a poor he's basically getting at it's like a poor medium for communication and stuff and science and technology will progress to the point like you think shakespeare is like he's like who he's like it's like who cares yeah he's like it's nowhere shakespeare and all this stuff is nowhere near as important as science and albert einstein isn't it interesting people always get to say that after they've created a body of work themselves it's kind of selfish it's true which is lacking
Starting point is 00:42:04 intelligence yeah devin might be right you're not thinking about because he devoted his entire life to writing your whole life's been about that and now at the end you go why are you doing it because you're selfish you don't want anyone to even possibly come close to what you've done and you're then and you're posing it as like no this is just genius level thinking and you don't get where i'm coming from you know what go back to open mics, Cormac McCarthy. How about that, Cormac? Go up at the Laugh Factory.
Starting point is 00:42:27 See how well you do. Flappers, 11 p.m. You think you're getting a pizza spot? What was that again? If you did good at the mic, you got a pizza? Yeah, if you did good
Starting point is 00:42:40 at the mic, they would kill you with a pizza. They'd give you a cyanide pizza. If you did good enough at Flappers Comedy Club, would throw they would kill you with a pizza they give you a cyanide pizza if you did good enough at flappers comedy club yeah they would not they would let you out of a rape dungeon at the end because that place was a fucking abomination yeah i was there once and someone it's like the last time i went there and someone goes oh my god you know who's performing
Starting point is 00:43:00 in their room the uh the the caveman from the Geico commercials. I think I just walked out and got in my car. Do you know how deranged Flappers was and how out of touch they are? Kevin Hart did a weekend there, and so they made a custom menu for the weekend that Kevin Hart played, and it was nothing but fried chicken. No, shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 00:43:21 I'm completely serious. They made like, yeah, it was like fried chicken and Skittles was the only thing you could order. Welcome to Flappers, Kevin Hart's up, and we got fried chicken and hoodies, fried hoodies. Just like it's purple dye. Yeah. We cook chicken in the shape of every NFL team. All the water's grape flavored.
Starting point is 00:43:46 By the way, I saw there's instant 7-Up now, which you can buy at the dollar store if you can't afford soda. You can get a big, warm glass of water and rip the Crystal Light little packet, but it says 7-Up on it. And you sprinkle it in, you stir it, and you go, Mmm, tastes like 7-Up. That packet should just be poison. It should kill every single person
Starting point is 00:44:08 that uses that. It should be pure arsenic with no flavoring. It's just poison. It's just poison. You drink it and then you bleed out of your eyes and shit yourself until you're dead.
Starting point is 00:44:22 And I truly believe that. Take that to the bank. If you're dead. And I truly believe that. Take that to the bank. If you're drinking, if you're too fucking dumb to buy 7-Up. Your fucking uncle does shit like that. He buys stuff at the 99 Cent Store, right? He buys his produce at the 99 Cent Store. Yeah. And he's like 87 years old.
Starting point is 00:44:39 He's healthier than any old guy. Your uncle buys used vegetables. Yeah, he literally buys vegetables with Velcro on them and shit. healthier than any any old guy your uncle buys like used vegetables yeah he literally buys like yeah used he buys vegetables with like velcro on them and shit i mean anybody when you're when you get to the point where you're buying the three liter cokes i feel like that's a pretty sad state when you're drinking so much coke you're like just give me fucking four give me 12 liters at once and then you just start drinking it just out of
Starting point is 00:45:06 the three liter you don't even pour it in the cup anymore but dude past that if you're if you're getting a if you're getting a gallon of water yeah and pouring seven up instant mix and then shaking it like you're about to go to the gym and you know the water you're getting is just like full of limestone and rocks and shit it looks like milk coming out of the faucet because they never hooked up your trailer right they hooked up your trailer wrong you just been drinking the shit water from your own toilet for seven years they think they're drinking milk they're like they hook this up to a cow or something yo we got the hookup got fucking milk sink it's like that's natural gas. Your water's flammable.
Starting point is 00:45:48 They fucking drilled into a mine shaft. My water shocks me when I touch it. Y'all been drinking that electrical water? It gives me like energy though. It's like I drink the energy then I can make more energy. You drink it it you're just bouncing around it's just shaking it's that michael j fox yeah hollywood water you try to try to pet the dog and it explodes water's so tasty it makes my hair raise
Starting point is 00:46:19 yeah but yeah but they have they have that the 99 cent store and i don't know it probably tastes like seven up i don't know i never did the soda streams or anything like that i was never that kind of autist i used to love soda did you do the soda stream to save money on soda no no i make your own soda at home i loved i just love soda fountains that's the best soda there's something they're doing to those fountains what size because a too big of a soda the ice does melt and it kind of ruins it if your soda cup's too big yeah you're a 24 ounce guy to me i feel like yeah i used to i used to just get i free refills were like my love the love of my life out of a specifically like a pizza place plastic dark red plastic cup my favorite thing with the little cubed crushed ice.
Starting point is 00:47:07 That's how you kill yourself. Crushed ice is the greatest thing of all time with some Coca-Cola in that. You get the ratio right. Unbelievable. And you do a suicide, which is when you get every single drink and then you blow your brains out right in front of the fountain.
Starting point is 00:47:19 I thought... Is it just me or did soda used to taste better? I think it's the palate. I think we just stopped drinking it. Because to me, early 2000s was better. Yeah, but you were just taking sodas to the dome all the time. Yeah. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:47:34 I got a shotgun and a soda. Yeah, you were just drinking like a lot of sodas because you're a kid. And now as an adult, you're drinking like Zevias and fucking Heineken 0.0s. And I guess that's before i had any alcohol yeah which replaced my love of soda yeah you had three heineken 0.0s over the weekend again i did yeah didn't do a damn thing for me though i was hoping that it would something would happen yeah i was kind of hoping it was crazy 0.0 you got to drink like like odule heineken the one you got to drink the ones that have like point zero zero two percent
Starting point is 00:48:05 So if we ever hit the patreon goal, I'm already Cuz I already said I'd do it you can't but I'm they don't expect you to actually ruin your life No, I think for a hundred grand. He's got a I got you do have to drink I owe it to the people we ever hit something. Are you in I? Don't know this here. I think you go on a one-week bender Okay, I really just ride it till the rails go off. You pull like a leaving Las Vegas bender. Like he goes up to Vegas, gets a hooker, plans on killing himself at the end of it.
Starting point is 00:48:32 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You going to do that, Ben? Well, here's how I think I'm going to do it. I decided how I won't feel bad about it morally in terms of breaking that covenant with myself and relapsing. Sure. I will just drink somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 non-alcoholic beers and get fucked up.
Starting point is 00:48:55 So then I can go, I still have never drank a beer. Because I only had, you can't be an AA and be like, I relapsed, I drank 60 O'Douls. They'd be like, dude. They'd be like, dude, you're too gay for AA. Dude, I just wrote out dis-ease
Starting point is 00:49:13 and then separated it into dis-ease. But you're too gay to be an Alcoholics Anonymous. Just get old AA vets in the back being like, dude, this guy sucks. I get thrown out immediately. And I couldn't, you can't say you relapsed by drinking 60 O'Douls. It doesn't count. But it would fuck me up.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Yeah, it's like relapsing on Mike's Hard Lemonade or something. Let me see, because how many, what is the ABV of O'Douls? I think it's very, very low. Yeah, I think it's like 0.2% or something. It is? Yeah. And a normal, like a Bud Light's like 3.5 or something. A Bud Light's like, I think, 4.2.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Okay, so an O'Doul's is 0.4%, right? Yeah. Yeah, so let me get the calculator out. If you drink like 20 of those, you're at like one beer so what would you say a Bud Light is is four yeah I think no Bud Light would be like a Bud Light would be like 4.5 so you need to drink like one two three so that's 11 like nine to ten yeah and you got one like 10 times four would be right 40 so then you need one more to get a Bud Light so that's like 11 so you need to drink 11 O'Douls to get one Bud Light.
Starting point is 00:50:26 So you would need to get fucked up. You need to drink like 88 O'Douls. Yeah, you need to drink 88 O'Douls. Yeah, you'd be slightly tipsy and pissing yourself just because you're full of shitty O'Doul liquid. But now would I get a different kind of poisoning where it's just the stuff that's in beer? You would drink so much O'Douls that your brain would swell because you have too much water in it and it would try to go down your fucking spinal cavity and you'd die.
Starting point is 00:50:49 Damn. Like that person, you remember in that radio contest? Yeah, they drank all the water and died. Yeah, because their brain swelled up and it exploded. Yeah, you'd have to die for us. It's like that guy who drank a bunch of... What was that at Opie and Anthony where he...
Starting point is 00:51:04 The guy who just died from New Jersey. Oh, Pat from Unaki. Pat, yeah. He kept drinking eggnog and then started throwing up in that guy's mouth.
Starting point is 00:51:13 Vomiting over and over again. Like the dream sequence in Stand By Me or like when he's telling the story of his character. God, I had never seen that before and I almost... Like Team America.
Starting point is 00:51:24 I almost shit myself. I almost shit myself. I was laughing so hard seeing that. And Bill Burr and all of them are live commentating on it. It's so funny. It's amazing. And it is funny when that guy dies. They're like, I mean, how could it have happened? The guy who was so desperate to be on the radio, he drank eggnog
Starting point is 00:51:40 until he vomited a whole trash can. But who is the guy? That's not Opie, is it? Who's the guy he's throwing up into the mouth of? Oh, no, no, no. That's just some pervert? It's just some guy. Some hobo they killed after the show.
Starting point is 00:51:52 Some guy, yeah. Opie would never subject himself to that. Oh, okay. Opie's not crazy. Yeah. Opie's just fucking tearing down homeless people's little things they live in. Opie's destroying homeless people's tents and bashing their only possessions. I told you I love Anthony's rants about Opie.
Starting point is 00:52:07 He's still bitter after all these years. But it's funny. It is funny. Meanwhile, Opie's just on the beach doing a podcast to a fucking volleyball like it's cast away. Opie's in the trailer for The Whale. He's getting washed away by water. Opie is now like
Starting point is 00:52:23 he's every day is a Darren Aronofsky film. Kind of. If you guys saw The Whale, it kind of was basically Opie's doing his podcast. I haven't seen it yet, but I don't want to see it. I want to see it really bad. Can I say the first scene, the very first scene of the movie? Is it going to really ruin it for me? I only get one chance to ever in my life see it.
Starting point is 00:52:44 Chase is like the opening scene is he's fat. Is he doing the, my milkshake, bringing all the boys to the dodgeball credit scene? You'd think it's a very emotional, empathetic movie. It's just Ben Stiller from the end of Dodgeball doing milkshake by Keyless. The whole movie is him trying to get out of a wicker chair. The whole movie is him trying to get out of a wicker chair. Because he's so fat that his ass is starting to turn into the Play-Doh when you put it in the machine that you squish and like patterns, like hair comes out and you cut it.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Yeah, his ass is a chia pet. It's the first 30 seconds of the movie. Yeah, yeah, say it, say it. It starts because you go into the movie, you think it's going to be like this emotional, super empathetic thing. And then the very first scene is he's jerking off to gay porn. He's like watching two guys fuck each other in the ass and then he like starts having a heart attack.
Starting point is 00:53:34 And that's the very opening scene. Did I write this movie? I told you it's literally like Scorsese does Joey's World Tour. It's going to be your favorite movie. Oh, that sounds great. You hated the movie though. Yeah, it was just like, no no spoilers the whole movie was just like hey look at this fat retard and then you're like okay is there like a moral or a story and then it's like that's the whole point no it's just like really fat and gross isn't that disgusting no look at his back some i
Starting point is 00:53:58 think you're not he's so dark of a director he's's like, here's a man who doesn't contain multitudes. He's just incredibly fat. Isn't that dark? A man who is multitudes. Yeah, there's no like wrestler style ending where he like goes to the Golden Corral and like jumps off a table into a tray. Is that the Golden Corral he's begging is? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:20 They're like, Will! Will! Have you ever seen a one-trick pony in a field so happy and free? He's just eating Twinkies. Have you ever seen a one-trick pony in a field so happy and free? You've seen me.
Starting point is 00:54:32 You've seen me. He's just pouring gravy across his plate. Yeah, Marissa Tomei's character is played by a hoagie. I ain't got no more love to give. The Rassler. Yeah, Todd Berry's there just kind of like, you're fucking fat. He's just like, I just love old, broken down pieces of meat.
Starting point is 00:54:53 He gets fired from being a butcher because he's just eating all the meat. Yeah, he ate the machine. He puts his hand into the thing and he's trying to eat his own hand. He's like, when it's thinly sliced, it's pretty tasty. Just his fingers like they're pepperonis coming out. That is a weird thing that guys that get up to like a thousand pounds and stuff, to me the end game is because there's such a self-annihilation thing
Starting point is 00:55:16 with guys who allow themselves to become over 1,000 pounds. Yeah. Is that they don't, it doesn't, their life doesn't end with them eating themselves. That always seemed to be the natural conclusion to me. It kind of should. It's an apt metaphor for what they've done to their entire life. Like, is it Ouroboros? Yeah, the snake eating itself.
Starting point is 00:55:36 By the way, someone sent me a crazy video of a snake getting its head cut off. I don't know why someone sent this to me. A snake gets its head cut off, and you know how someone sent this to me the snake gets head cut off and you know how the tail keeps wiggling like this the tail wiggled around and the head was still alive and then the head of the snake bit its own tail and when it bit its tail it fucking flipped out because it was poisoning itself and the tail went crazy like trying to get itself off of it kormac mccarthy send this to you it was just it sounds like an excerpt from blood meridian and he goes and that's a metaphor for the pedophile judge that's a pedophile that's a that's a metaphor for how there's nothing how there's nothing
Starting point is 00:56:16 every kormac mccarthy book you read you go wow that book it's the whole book it's what it's trying to say is that there's nothing yeah and you there's just war and bloodshed and then when you die there's nothing like i'm glad he felt the need to make that point yeah thank i'm glad i spent 15 hours reading this now i want to blow my brains out this is so much better than watching pornography all night long well my vocabulary is so much better for my suicide you know what i did realize though i need to find a happy medium i can't just either read blood meridian or watch nick acato videos yeah i gotta find something you gotta somehow work your way to just watching like the big bang theory or something like meet in the meet in the middle yeah yeah i gotta become a young sheldon
Starting point is 00:57:00 guy yeah because you are like you at this you're the only person who on the same day reads wittgenstein and then watches fucking nikocado videos yeah yeah your brain is so confused yeah there's no idea but i'm like undoing all the positive that i did positive stuff for my brain to make me smarter and then i undo it all at the end of the day you're right you're like you took the limitless drug and then just did whippets all day i was watching nikocado last night after i wrote all day and then i was watching nikocado i wrote all day and then watch nikocado i hope i really hope you become an award-winning writer i hope you're fucking on like fucking oprah one day because you just won the pulitzer prize for writing and you're just going back to your towel and you're watching the most retarded things mankind has ever made i wrote all day that i watched joey's
Starting point is 00:58:01 world you watch stuff where you're the only person who can write who's watching it. You truly, your fucking favorite thing to watch is stuff that like if aliens saw it, they would kill us. They'd blow up Earth from space. Oh, man. I put on Nikocado Avocado. Sure. And Katie walked in and she just looked at me and she looked at the tv and she went and then she looked at me and she goes i hate nikocado avocado so much he's my least favorite person on the planet earth i genuinely hope he dies and burns in hell.
Starting point is 00:58:46 And then she walked out of the room. She really is. She's like when Tony watches AJ on his computer just giggling to himself. Like to bash his stupid fucking face in. He's watching food reviews.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Like to take your fucking face and make mincemeat out of it Too bad I can't do that You'd eat it Nikocado has a real charm though That he can take someone like My sweet and wonderful wife And like She genuinely hopes he like
Starting point is 00:59:18 Dies and burns in hell For all eternity Yeah Oh yeah Eternal damnation for Nikocado I kind of think he's like Almost like an evil genius really interesting yeah and then he completely knows what he's doing yeah i think i i know
Starting point is 00:59:31 someone who knows him and he said it's a character yeah like i think the camera shuts off and he turns into orson wells doing an interview he goes have you seen felini's yeah why don't have you seen Fellini's Fellini 8 and a half might as well just masturbate on a piece of celluloid and release it I mean it's completely exhibitorial he's like
Starting point is 00:59:54 excuse me I have to put my CPAP on and eat a bunch of chicken he uh Nick Cacardo is uh uh what are they saying about dick ricardo your wife thinks he's a he should burn hell no i was gonna say something though oh yeah my friend that knows him personally says that he his doctors are telling him he's gotta stop right he can't keep doing this like his doctors are genuinely like you can't keep doing this. His doctors are genuinely like, you can't keep doing this to your body.
Starting point is 01:00:27 You're going to die. I mean, you remember the Super Size Me movie, like after 30 days, he was Morgan Spurlock. Yeah, he was going to... It's bad. Yeah. Wasn't that guy also just drinking
Starting point is 01:00:35 like a pint of whiskey every day though? That's what you told me later. I'm just like, okay, all right. He was also an alcoholic while eating McDonald's. His liver's completely shut down from like drinking like 15 years later. He Me Too'd himself for calling a woman toots. He did a self Me Too.
Starting point is 01:00:51 He did a self Me Too. One of those? I used to call my secretary Titties McBigglesby or something. I gave my secretary a big goosing. It was something kind of harmless, but was happening when louis and reinstein all that happened they're like all right put him in it too and then he tried to do like another type of stupid supersize me thing or he like with corporations he invented like a chicken sandwich or something yeah it was like with chicken what it was like a whole thing was like the chicken
Starting point is 01:01:20 sandwich revolution in this country and i'm gonna make a chicken sandwich and see how it goes. And then he does, and you're like, okay. It's truly a guy at the end of his career. Yeah. You can see him just pitching like, what if I did a Poke Bowl documentary? Exactly. I eat nothing but Poke Bowls for 30 days. They're like, stop fucking our secretary.
Starting point is 01:01:37 How about you eat nothing but bullets for 30 days? Much more interesting doc, because it ends after the first minute yeah the first minute he's like okay so here's my first time eating a bullet i'm excited we're gonna see how it goes all right so here his wife walks in and goes i guess we've learned what happens to the body yeah yeah scientists he's going to the doctor. His head's blown out and they're propping. He goes, you know, I don't get it. You eat a lot of vegetables, you work out, but I'm looking at your charts and it says you've been dead for five days.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Just the back of his whole head's unfolded like the JFK autopsy photo. Imagine Nick Acato not just at the doctor. He's just pouring ketchup on them. Chewing on their arm. They're like, you gotta stop. Yeah, they put the stethoscope on his chest and they lose it.
Starting point is 01:02:36 He gets sucked in. He's like, is that an Oreo? Yum! He sees the popsicle sticks and he starts crying because he thinks somebody ate a bunch of popsicles it's amazing no one has like Mark David Chapman
Starting point is 01:02:53 Nikocado just because they hate him so much he's the first guy who would Mark David Chapman himself that's like what should happen yeah but apparently he makes a lot of money and he's gonna keep trying to do it for like a few more years what does that say the video turned off that did it i don't know if it's saying anything popped up hold on saying podcast too gay stop the riffs what does it say the video ended
Starting point is 01:03:20 oh so it stopped recording all right it just ended. It just ended. Well, what are we at? We're literally at an hour. Oh, wow. Did it just end? Yeah, it just ended. So they're not seeing video right now. Oh, well, okay. Let's all pull our cocks out.
Starting point is 01:03:34 Well, sorry, guys. Now we can finally sit on each other. Get out the lube, Ben. Damn, I forgot to reformat the car. It looked like a real box. Oh, who cares? We did an hour. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:45 I think I saw it had like 89 minutes. I thought we were good, but we talked for like 20 minutes while I was trying to fix Yeah, I guess maybe it was at the beginning. Yeah. I'm not sweating at all. Yeah, I'm not too worried about it. I mean, I know the video is such great quality for these people. Right.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Dude, I look like Charlie Day to do a ring doorbell. Did somebody comment that? That's what every comment was like. What, you guys filming this on SimpliSafe? Yeah, my favorite so far has been, I think I told you guys, that Jace, when he hits the chair, his hands are so big that it shakes the camera. I read that. I'm like, I'm not not gonna read these comments anymore cuz I
Starting point is 01:04:26 don't want to get fucking sniped with body dysmorphia I'm the guy who doesn't read the comments yeah that's true you know why I say that because I literally read every and the replies to the comments but one saying they don't read comments is fully lying yeah I't know how to not read comments I'm just lying the whole time You have to be like 10 years into this to just be like I don't care anymore But for 10 years you're making yourself mentally ill
Starting point is 01:04:53 No you have to be flying helicopters And shit and having McLaren And all that stuff to not read the comments You don't read comments when you have a Polaris slingshot Which god damn it I will get one of those too And I will park it in the back of my cyber it i will get one of those two and i will park it in the back of my cyber truck let's get one of those at 200 those are so cheap though
Starting point is 01:05:10 yeah they're actually like hunks of shit aren't they yeah they're like 15 000 you should get you should though get the tesla cyber truck and have the polaris like launch off the side like rich guys when they have a boat on a boat it's a dinghy you just accidentally launch it out in traffic and just kill a whole family i guess i could have started recording on my phone just from selfie sure what or whatever but i mean we're at an hour i gotta i gotta piss anyway i'll be back that's no that's i think that's the end that's the first episode god bless you all all right there check out the patreon check out the patreon patreon.com slash lemon party and check out hate watch's new channel uh youtube.com slash hate watch podcast devin got his old youtube channel deleted yes i love how we're
Starting point is 01:05:57 still pointing at the camera like it's working i don't even know if that's right you have a new hate watch uh channel right yeah yeah yeah hold. I don't even fucking know it. No, you're fine. I can kill time. I can't tell if it's Hatewatch Pod or Hatewatch. Everybody's just going to be commenting how I'm a shitty producer now because the video went out. I will comment that. I tried to go buy a light because I need a key light, and they didn't have one I wanted,
Starting point is 01:06:20 so it's going to be like this until I just drive to a different place to get the one I want. That could take years. Oh, it could take. But it's also like why why am i gonna key light it this we're using like a uh a 80 camera i think i like the look i like how it looks eventually we'll have to cave and you know these people really want to like jack off to us or whatever they do so but anyway youtube.com slash hatewatchpod. P-O-D. That's where the new channel is. What's the at? Because now there's ats on YouTube. At hatewatchpod.
Starting point is 01:06:50 Nice. So check it out, you know. Before you get an IP banned again. Yeah, before we get banned again. It's a good episode, the latest one. And, you know,
Starting point is 01:06:58 if it doesn't do well, I'll just quit it. This is like now a telethon. Yeah. Folks, if we don't get enough people joined, Devin's going to eventually stop doing it. Hey guys, I'm in a race against time. I'm racing my own boredom about the channel.
Starting point is 01:07:15 If it doesn't do well enough to be worth my while, I don't really care. I got this. So anyway, thanks. Alright, thank you everybody. Goodnight. Bye. so anyway thanks alright thank you everybody goodnight I love you.

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