lemonparty - 008: Walmart Water Birth

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

Walmart Water Birth | 008 lemonparty more audio/video episodes on the private feed: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty sponsor: https://betterhelp.com/lemon ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, are we recording now? Yeah, we are. Okay. They like it when you're up there, like, looking at it. Oh, should I start that way? Yeah. Go fake it. Go fake it real quick, and we'll edit it.

Hey, guys, let me check the camera real quick to make sure it's recording. Go make sure it's recording. You should make it gayer as you keep. Oh, yeah, he's checking it real quick. Like, twerk. And really, when you come back, really bend, though. Like, really show your ass. Yeah, do a soy face.

That's good. The dogs are horrified. How does the light look? Look good? Yeah, it's good. Nice. It's all worth it. Ooh, what's up, YouTube?

Make sure to comment down below what you think the age of consent should be in the state of California. Remember to like, subscribe. What's up, YouTube? We're going to do fentanyl until we die. What's up, YouTube? I'm going to shoot up YouTube headquarters. Yo, we got the boy Skeeter in the studio today. He's going to eat his own shit until he passes out.

Don't forget, this is, yeah, it's going to be like Mr. Beast in two years. Remember the woman that shot up YouTube, but she didn't hit anybody? Yeah. She killed, she... Hey, stop Gracie with the bone because it's loud. Gracie, knock it off.

We love you, Gracie, though. It's okay, Gracie. Yeah, she just fucking pulled a MacGruber shooting with her eyes closed. It kind of showed women aren't even as good at shootings as us. And she couldn't even drive to the damn headquarters. Do you think when she walked in, though, she went like, what's up, YouTube?

And then, ooh, what's up, YouTube? What? The first... Ooh, what's up, YouTube? Sorry I haven't been posting in a while. I got hit by a bunch of cars yesterday. It was like Meet Joe Black where I just kept getting hit by cars. Yeah, it was a pinball thing.

What's up, YouTube? I'm the highway. What's up, YouTube? I am vengeance. I have come for blood. Welcome back to the channel. This time we're doing the shoot up your school challenge. You sent a Joey's World tour video to the group at like 9 a.m. today.

Yeah. Well, someone in the Lemon Party Discord, which you get access to if you're at patreon.com slash Lemon Party. By the way, I just realized I left the air thing on. So you might hear. You want me to hear? I'll just pull it. Well, no, no. Devin likes the heater, but I think I should go turn off the.

Should we restart? Purify real quick. Get up one last time. People are going to be complaining. Yeah. In the background, it sounds like this. Yeah, that sucks. That's a lot.

People might pull over to unsubscribe. People are like, I can barely hear the slurs. Unsubbed. I need that pure uncut slur. Someone sent me in the Patreon Discord for Lemon Party some good Joey's World Tour edits. Some good mashups. Well, you wouldn't call it the best of Joeyey's world tour you would call it the worst of essentially he should be mashed up with like the killing fields in cambodia like it should be the most brutal footage of mankind's history

it should be that famous picture of all the all the cambodians running yeah it's him going what's up youtube and then that that picture of that vietnamese guy with a gun being held to his head it's the kent state picture where they're all on the floor like crying it's joey in the back eating a taco bell meal him beer bonging chili and then fucking that monk setting himself on fire to protest the war and bud dwyer blowing his brains out ben have we we've gone into joey's world tour here haven't we oh yeah we've gonna we've done a deep dive we we go into joey's world tour the way oliver stone goes into the jfk assassination i find people on the internet where i figure out i go here's where they live here's what their parents do here's the small town they live in here's what they're and they and they have 60 followers but

i'm just fascinated i have some people that i won't share with people that i've been fascinated with for close to i would say two years now and they literally have maybe 40 or 50 followers it's a very unhealthy thing. You'll be like, did you see the new video Daryl posted? I'm like, no. He's like, well, he died. He ate his own hands off and he died. That is always rough when a YouTuber,

like people are in like RIP in the comments. I had a video like a day ago. When like Bagel Boss went into the intensive care. Did Bagel Boss die? He went into intensive care? Yeah, I just remember it was trending on Twitter. He had a stroke, yeah. It was, like, RIP Bagel Boss.

And then you saw him in the tiniest hospital bed in the world. He did, like, an open mic dressed up as the Joker, and he died. Yeah. Really? Yeah. That was, like, his last big thing is he was the Joker doing stand-up comedy, I think. And he essentially just, he had a stroke and died. His manager let the world know

that Bagel Boss had gone on to another realm. He's like the last real celebrity we had, Bagel Boss. He set the world on fire with that anger that he had. It was the Bagel Place, right?

What was he upset about uh somebody called him like short guy i think or something and he went on a real like a short cell incel tirade right right napoleon complex thing yeah then they just put him sorry he had a stroke and they just put him in a little fucking matchbook like he was a Stuart Little. They put him in an iron lung, but it was just a balloon that they blew up. I love that guy. Do you watch this guy's car reviews, Ben? Scotty Kilmer?

Who's that? He does just regular car reviews reviews but but uh i watch his channel recently because i'm trying to like look into like maybe getting a car at some point because my car is dying and uh like slowly he it's all cars and then randomly sometimes it'll just be like i'm getting a divorce or like like you know the results came back. It's not looking good for me. He's like, but anyway, onto the Honda CRV.

If you get the two, she's gone. She's gone. And I got cancer, but the CRV will never let you down. I'm like my bitch or wife. Do you see those every now and then with every vlog or review guy where you see, this is the videos i click on is

when it just says a quick life update and it's just them and the thumbnails them in their car like this with a big hole drilled in their skull they're doing jim halpert face but they've had so many processed foods that their bones are barely still there barely Barely. It's barely hanging on. Yeah, yeah. Their skull is an orb at this point from the amount of corn they've eaten. Dude, the roof of their mouth goes to the tip of their skull.

They can lick their brain. Their mouth looks like one of those redwoods that they used to drive through in the 40s. I love the life update. There was one video that was great of a guy reviewing a small batch whiskey. I was literally about to say this. Yeah.

Do you remember this video? On his channel, he has like 900 small batch whiskey reviews. He's an alcoholic who fancies himself a content creator. Okay, right. But he's an alcoholic. Yeah. He'll just be like, we're trying to go to the... He just fucking smashed out of his...

Just a six-year-old guy with a goatee. And then it was one video where he wasn't even posting a life update. He was just like... He's like, don't mind my wife in the background. She's leaving me. He said that? She was really packing up, putting stuff in her suitcase and like taking she took out like a like an a coffee table at some point she was literally grabbing shit and like moving like

disassembling furniture and he's like never mind the noise my wife is uh packing up she's leaving me today and he just kept he kept reviewing like mad dog 2020 or whatever she goes over his laptop deletes his channel. She's like, I pay for YouTube premium. You're a fucking loser. Yeah, she won my YouTube channel in the divorce, but I get to keep all the empty whiskey bottles I use as decorations. I love alcoholics.

They're so funny. Yeah, they truly are great. They get like a good 50, 60 year run a lot of the time. It's the saddest addiction for sure. Yeah. It's ways because heroin is like sexy and like you're skinny and you know heroin chic and all that. Yeah.

It's real romantic. Like Philip Seymour Hoffman. It's kind of a cool thing that you're addicted to heroin. Sex addicts are, it's positive to me because they're always encouraging people in the comments. Yeah. With sex addiction? Yeah, well, people that are like, they're watching pornography for 17 hours a day. They're very lovely people in the comment section. They're never like, oh, look at this fucking ugly bitch.

They're always like, if I could just be in the room for us, if I could just know what it smells like. They're very genuine people. Very hopeful. Yeah. They're not like fucking podcast fans. They're like, the lighting sucks. Can't even see your clit. Yeah.

They are just typing like grape boobs, 10 out of 10. They type, madam had a fantastic time spanking it to this video. My name's Jim. I live in cincinnati and they're very generous with their money they love they're like oh i tipped you a hundred dollars just because just because you you just looked me in the eye you just looked in the eye of the camera and i gotta i gotta give it up for you right there yep most of the webcam girls won't even look into the camera. No.

They're so disgusted by the idea of me. There's guys out there that have spent their whole life building a business, and they're like an entrepreneur now, and they make six figures a year, and they'll be in the comments on Pornhub like offering 50% of their company to like Asa Akira.

Right. Asa, I sell speedboats in Tampa I'd love for you to come down I'm worth 1.7 million Which is a decent amount In Tampa I can make a good life for us I do know a guy

A friend of ours I won't say Who got addicted to cam girls For a while He's a friend of ours He's a mafia He does You come to me on a day You come to me And cam girls for a while. He's a friend of ours. He's a mafia. He does. You come to me on the day.

You come to me and you ask for a loan from OnlyFans. You come to me on the day Asa Akira offers a special DM on OnlyFans for ball-stepping videos. Jesus fucking Christ, Christopher. You're buying fucking pussies molded out of the actual porn stars twat are you fucking kidding me it's just like everybody else um but he he got uh he was with a cam girl and he was like sending her just like hundreds and hundreds of dollars and then one day they got while he's like paying her money to do the cam girl dance or whatever they got into like an argument about like the war in ukraine for like 15 minutes oh my god and then he realized like he realized like 15 minutes into the

argument he's like oh she's just like gotten 85 out of me yeah just for me to argue like i'm on a date or something just checking the clock you're like it's like going to a hooker and putting 200 on the table then like arguing about like you know you just rep for an affair right yeah i just miss my wife can you tell me i don't do enough around the house can you make me wash the bed sheet i've i've never uh i think even if i was single i'd still never pay anybody on only fans it's just all free it's like why would i i don't they're never gonna come to you and be with you. The person. Well, so, you know, I learned about this recently.

Did you know about the, the guys, uh, that signed up for the text from the ladies on only fans where you can, you can text them and shit and feel like you're like actually talking to them. Yeah. They hire people. Uh, they have like big, uh, uh, numbers of employees that they train to- The whores do. The whores do. Right.

Pay people. Sex workers. Sex workers. Chase. Not the whores. Don't say whores. It's very nice ladies on OnlyFans, I'm sure. I'm sure they're all very nice.

Yeah, they're nice people. They're nice people. But they hire people to text? They hire people to pretend to be them to sext with right fans or i don't know if they're allowed to sex but they text but realistically it's just philip seymour hoffman in a mattress shop in salt lake city yeah it's like yeah yeah or it's it's it's 15 malaysian children like in a shoebox somewhere it's you're you're texting a 12 year old-old who's going like,

oh, I love your boobs. I love your vagine. Yeah. They got to stop. Yeah, the dogs are going. This is really annoying. I hate them. They were calm right before we started recording.

I hate when dogs play, but there's never actually any blood. They're biting each other's necks and stuff, but we should be throwing dollar bills on the floor. there's never actually any blood. Like they're biting each other's necks and stuff, but there's not, we should be throwing like dollar bills on the floor. You almost want to like break a pool's queue and like throw it at them and be like, let's settle this. All right, guys.

All right, enough. Yeah, you really actually have to stop because it's really distracting. Please stop. You're rapidly turning this into a Patreon. We thought it was going to be a regular. It's looking like a Patreon now. Yeah.

We're about five minutes away from dropping hard slurs because we know this isn't a public episode. Stop it, retards. Also, the way they'll just gaily bounce at each other. Jesus Christ. You know what's funny is people go, I don't understand. Why can't you put them in the other room while you record? It's like they're going to do this at the door.

They break down the door. Like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. They literally break it down. Oh my God, enough. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, BetterHelp, what do you think about it? I love it. I think it's tremendous it's helped me be better

that's right cause you know life doesn't come with a user manual no I wish it did it'd be a lot easier wouldn't it like taking a tear on my Toyota Corolla

you know well you know what's the next best thing what's that online therapy okay oh yeah it is think about it what are you doing right now listening to this podcast or watching this podcast if you do watch this podcast you're online you're on the internet. Yeah. In another tab right now, you could be talking to your therapist while listening to this in one AirPod.

Mm-hmm. That's what we call multitasking. Mm-hmm. It's called getting shit done. Yep. So, you know, navigating any of life's challenges can make you feel unsure,

whether it's a career change, a new relationship. I've done both recently. Or becoming a parent. That's me. Therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions

and learn productive coping skills, which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine called you. I'm talking to you, the listener.

BetterHelp has connected over 3 million people with licensed therapists it's convenient and accessible ever it's uh anywhere it's 100 online uh better help has matched three million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100 online plus it's affordable that's it's the world's largest therapy service. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. It couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist.

Learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com slash lemon. That's BetterHelp.com slash lemon that's better h-e-l-p.com slash lemon we all like therapy in this room yeah i just actually signed up for therapy i start next week so that's great yeah and you can save uh you could have saved 10 off if you used our promo i hope you used the promo code of course i use the promo. That's betterhelp.com slash lemon. Thank you for sponsoring the show, BetterHelp. Thank you. Bye.

Bye. Alright, folks. Sorry, they were going nuts. I just had to cut out the last three minutes of the episode because they were going so insane. Yeah, we had to put Emma down. We had to put her down. Now Gracie's eating herself out. Well, she heard the OnlyFans talk.

Yeah, she got it a little bit. Yeah, Gracie starts eating herself out, and we just hear that bing, bing, bing. We're suddenly live. Andy and guys are typing, fuck the dog in the ass. Come on, bro, fuck her, please. I'll give you 50 bucks.

Do you remember when, what was it? In 2020, the riots and everything with BLM was happening. And there were all those like really ugly, like white women that were saying like, hey, I'll post a picture of my tits if you donate to BLM. But they all looked like fucking, they all looked like Randy Quaid. Yeah, they all looked like randy quaid yeah they all looked like pizza the hut i will embarrassingly say i never paid for porn for some reason i just was going mentally insane i spent like 300 on tits just because it was like fun like hey i donated to blm let me see them i think that was the it was literally like my excuse to just buy pornography did you buy nudes for Black Lives Matter?

Yeah, I kept donating to Black Lives Matter, which I hated. Which pissed me off so much. The horny racist. Yeah, but it was funny because you would buy, not buy, you would donate $40 to... No, you own it now. You own the rights to them. I think BLM is like stock. It's like NASDAQ. You would donate it so some woman in Georgia can go buy her fifth house.

And then you would text the person like, hey, here, I bought it. And then they would just reply with a horrific picture of your tits. And then you would just give it the thumbs up emoji. And then the whole interaction would be done. And that was it. You were like, thanks for the tit pic, Steve Buscemi. Thanks for feeding my horrific addiction issues, but having an excuse where I can pretend I'm not a bad person.

Exploiting racism to pretend you're hot. Yeah. You're like, look at that, look at that. Do you think they took a picture of their son's nipple and sent it? Do you think that's a grown woman's nipple? They're committing acts of pedophilia to make it seem like their body is better?

Right. For BLM. For BLM. I go, ma'am, I don't want to offend. I think these are two flank steaks that you sent me pictures of.

She's like, yeah, yeah, George Floyd, whatever. Who gives a shit? Whatever. Look at my gross pussy. Yeah, can you just imagine me on Twitter like, all right, I'll send nut videos to anybody

who donates to blm you have to understand we're horny but it's it's for george floyd it's women that's why we're masturbating my pussy hasn't been touched in eight years and 44 days yeah do you want to see cobwebs on a pair of tits and i was like yes i do it was also very funny it was just like women in comedy who i knew who were doing it so it was kind of funny them admitting like well this is the only thing i have of value in a situation like this yeah yeah but you're like is that pussy of like termites the foundation's falling apart yeah i need a home inspector to look at this pussy there's a bunch of sawdust under their thighs yeah like a hank hill guy wearing an orcan shirt being like well you got a bunch of damage i don't know if you might just want to tear it down and start again

like a guy with a hard hat yeah hard hat and he's underneath her pussy on one of those things mechanics used to roll back and forth he goes i he goes this all fucked up he's got oil on his hands he's wiping off yeah it's your problem right there just measuring the the flaps do you remember we were we were uh this was like a couple years ago we were looking at a house somewhere and a guy this was like there was like a problem with the sewage line and the guy came out to us and he was like just fucking looked like um dale from king of the hill just bald fat guy and he goes uh yeah you know so you got a problem with the line i want to come over here and show you something and then he like opened the tank

and just like this horrific smell just like hit all like we were like almost crying yeah i remember and he goes if you take a look and you see and he stuck his whole head inside of the fucking yeah shit tank he's like and really get a nice like just like really laugh yeah he's like you need my clipboard come on get in there son scooping like a wine thing like he's in sideways what was it what was this it was just a terrible smell in the house and he was just like trying to sell it it was just like a pipe was like backed up or whatever yeah it was a pretty fun it's it's guys that clearly have shit fetishes right and that's why they're in that line of work and they're because they're excited to show it's sort of like a flasher the way uh because a flasher wants that moment where the woman goes yeah like that.

That guy doesn't have to bring you out to prove there's shit in your septic tank. You've been shitting in the home for 20 years. All of your feces is in there. You're very well aware there's shit. There's no reason to be like, you might want to wake up your kids, too. If we could just get everybody out of the house and come down in this pit here. Yeah, he brings it up to you. He goes, see, this is what a piece of shit looks like.

It's long, cylindrical. And you see, it's kind of acidic. That's all the cum. People have been cumming in the toilets, too. I don't know if it's after they shit, but there's cum in there. There's piss. There's shit. There's all sorts of things in there. Does every house have a septic tank that's like that is loaded up with our shit and then it like is released

after years? I think if you're in the country. Yeah if you're in the country you have a septic tank. And then when who I've never emptied it. A big 18-wheeler comes out. An 18-wheeler comes out and there's a guy who just eats all of it. Once a year. Joey's World Tour comes

live. They do a shit mukbang. Oh is that the thing when they put the pipe into the street i don't think they do it every year though someone like every 30 years i think your septic tank needs like replaced or something and then like a truck comes and then sucks all the shit out into a truck and then they just go dump it in the closest lake yeah there are times when a septic tank will break and they have to like dig it up and just take it and yeah like throw it in like ukraine or whatever yeah yeah just a part of the country they just put it in flint that's where all the broken septic tanks go and the comm too and the toilet all this all that shit everything's in there all your comms in there all of your period

blood piss shit man uh pennies goldfish pennies you've been flushing pennies have you ever just have you ever been pissing you just drop a penny in there and you just flush it never once in my life you never dropped change in the never once not once ever would you i dump my uh i dump my uh razor my my i open my norelco and i i bat it in there and it i flush the i'll flush my beard hair hair and shit yeah because i don't want to put it down the sink. I'll flush anything, honestly. I flush stuff all the time, but I shouldn't be flushing. I'll like flush wood.

Yeah, tax forms. Just flushing a two by four down the toilet. Yeah, delinquency payments. You get any letter from the government, you start acting like Karen and Goodfellas. Yeah. Oh, no. I fucking hate mail mail i hate when the mailman comes mail is an attack it's just a bunch of fucking threats and like just orders the guy who hates the mail i hate the mailman with his stupid safari hat they all dress like they're bringing you a koala.

With their stupid little push cart on wheels. Their little Uber Eats robot that they bring mail in. They're all slightly like... Overweight? Well, I know you... Yeah, I guess, but they're all kind of off, too. Like, our mailman, he's very sweet, but every time he delivers mail, Ida will be like, thank you.

And he says, he goes, he goes, thank you. You're welcome. Like every time. Like the same exact way. We got a little rain man. We have teeth marks on all our envelopes. It just slobber on my stomach acid on my IRS form. You have noticed there's a lot of big fat mailmen, though, right?

Of course. I feel like they're all shaped like fire hydrants. Yeah, they are. Yeah, they're shaped like tombstones just waddling down the street. They're shaped like they're trucks. It's strange. That's why they have no door. They had to figure out a way for them to get out quick.

Yeah, they were blowing out their fucking rotator cuffs opening doors. They needed Tommy John surgery. It is also like I live in an apartment, and if you don't check your mail little box enough, they'll get mad at you. But it's just trash. It's trash, and every once in a while, a form from the government that says I owe them $3,000 or something.

I'm not going to Bed Bath & Beyond like leave me alone they always send these giant like coupons yeah light like it's like a it's like a check a golfer gets so i could buy some linens yeah it's like chip kelly's like play. They just jam it into your fucking mail slot. This is one of the stranger starts to an episode. We're like, we never had. Junk mail, folks. What's the deal? This is our real comedians in cars getting coffee episode.

And what's the deal with mailmen? Why are there male women? They should be in the kitchen cooking mail. Oh, sweetheart puppy. Yeah, I really blame the dogs, honestly. I blame the dogs for back. But I think we're gonna get the episode back. I think we're gonna whip ourselves into a frenzy here.

We will. We'll get whipped into shape soon. By the way, I was just at dinner and I don't know if you guys have ran into something like this but there was basically a table of six drunk women in their

menopause range essentially. You know the range. Like 50 to 60. And their hair is a little nuts. There's a lot of margaritas on the table that they've had plenty at this point. Women where you can tell mortality is really getting to them. really getting to them.

Really getting to them. The sands of time has not been kind. And there's one guy there who vaguely looks like Michael Keaton with a sports blazer. Yes, that's like every catatonic guy with all the winos that he's with. His wife. Wino one, two, and three. Yep. Michael Keaton. They're all divorced. They all swing and shit. that he's with. His wife. Why no one, two, and three?

They're all divorced. They all swing and shit. They're vaguely fit, but they still look like they're expanding a little bit. They're taking steroids. They have abs somehow, but it's still round. They just look like a ninja turtle or something.

They have that alcoholic gut where it's swelling. Their skin is overly saturated. Yeah. Turn it down a little bit. You can tell they have all big pointy nipples like they're in an episode of Real Sex in the 90s. Dude, you know what's weird about their red skin too is you can tell they don't get any sun. Yeah.

But somehow all of their skin, they're all sunburned they've never been outside they could they could be they could be trapped in a mine shaft and walk out and they look like heat miser they were going uh they're just red from like constantly taking viagra like all the blood vessels in their face are just exploding hypertension yeah. They have Cialis face. They started talking. This makes me not want to have kids because they're all talking about their kids that are in the... From context and from what a couple of them said with naming and age, I got specifically.

They're talking about their kids' age ranges of 15 to 16. 14, 15, 16. And they're talking about how they' age ranges of 15 to 16. 14, 15, 16. And they're talking about how they want to be the cool parents and let their kids do cocaine. What? I swear to God. You were overhearing this. I was overhearing this where they go,

you know, I don't want to be the lame parent who's like, no, you can't do cocaine. They're like, you know, I've done cocaine. I can't lie to them and be like, I've never done cocaine. And all their friends at school. This is what I hear anecdotally about all the school districts in L.A. And I'm not trying to be that guy. Yeah.

But I keep hearing that like weed is like the first. You get into weed at 12. Yeah. In the L.A. school districts. And 13, 14, 15. If you're a cool kid, you start getting into harder stuff. And anecdotally, that's what this table was saying too is they go yeah we don't want you to buy us weed of course we do they act like weed

cigarettes essentially and they want to be doing coke like the cool kids like the cool kids in their grade so their predicament is they want to be the cool parent this is what they were all this was their entire sentiment all four of these these whores and this Michael Keaton guy, where they don't want to be the lame parent and not let their kids do coke and go buy coke, but they say they're going to buy coke for their kids so they don't buy bad shit and overdose because of the fentanyl problem. We're like, they know. I bet you they die four times a night and come back. They want their kids to die.

That's what they're secretly... They're posing it as like, we just want to be the cool parents, you know, the type of parents that don't have kids. We want to get rid of our children. You know, cool parents. Cool parents. Imagine how cool we'd be if our kid died and then everybody gives us attention and money. I think that's it now.

It's like, Jared's parents are so cool. They let him die cool they let him die they let him do fentanyl and they're so sick right dude dude jared's parents are so sick they let him wrap his car around the telephone pole and his head fucking exploded off the dashboard they're so fucking sick dude i bet they have big nipples and fuck each other it's also a very LA parent thing I think as well.

It's like I still want to be popular. It's like I still base my entire identity on whether or not people like me or not. Yeah. But that's because

I'm progressive. Yeah. I'm progressive but I think the only thing that matters is people thinking you're cool even though I'm 15 years from dying of a heart attack

in a sex dungeon. Yeah. It makes you go... Oh, sorry, what were we saying? No, I got nothing. I was just saying like... Yeah, I got nothing. You're waving a white flag.

I don't know. You're like, I'm already overdoing this. I was about to say... I'm over it. It makes me go... I guess you're supposed to raise your children now on a farm. You're supposed to move to a farm once they turn 12. Yeah.

Because here it looks like they immediately, it's like a 50% chance they overdose. Immediately. They either overdose or they live long enough to become Kaczynski. It's either your options are, yeah you like raise bad baby or you raise kazinsky in the woods now kids find out other students overdose in the school and they go thank god i thought he i think he was gonna shoot it up next week thank god for china yeah yeah the china's the government's been releasing fentanyls into the school to stop school shootings just a small trace amount of fentanyl in the water in schools.

There's probably some guy at the CIA being like, if we get them addicted to heroin, they won't have the energy to buy bullets. I bet you you're right. It's an anesthetic, essentially. Yeah, yeah. It's like when you have a bad dog or something, you're like, we'll just give him morphine or something until he dies. Just in the school, the cafeteria lunches, they're just putting fentanyl and everything yeah they're all sluggish

and slow and they're like bruh bruh yeah bruh the lunch lady's like you see that euphoria last night she's dumping pills onto a big tray. Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! Lunch lady's like just, yeah, just scooping Yeezys out of a trough and dumping them on a plate. The LA school district is just run by Eminem's mom. Just sprinkling drugs on all the food. And then all the teachers can just

molest the kids in every class. Because they're all like, and you can just walk around And get your pick of the litter Because nobody knows what's going on And then the teacher doesn't get charged with anything Because she's like it was flaccid They're all high

Your honor they didn't get hard How can I fuck him with a soft dick The judge is like what a fag Innocent Innocent Gay Gay yeah the judge is like what a fag innocent innocent gay gay gay gay gay gay hype hype he's judge y'all the court find this guy gay gay lift the judge is just like looking at the kid like, let me see your fizz face. Judge booty.

Yeah. You got anything today, Ben? Yeah, I do. You got any weird fucked up internet stuff? You got like Saddam Hussein's files? The thing I have for today is I went to see the whale for the second time. That's really, and you Ubered to like. I Ubered to the Grove

to see the whale and have diarrhea for most of the movie. Because you had the slushie and the popcorn? Well, now I don't know. I'm seeing the whale

so many times, I don't know if I have Munchausen's. Oh, you're just going to become a great big fat guy from watching the whale? Yeah,

just from watching a movie. I just walk out of the theater one day, I'm 700 pounds. This is like your version of watching Drive in 2009. Yeah, that's your version of the scorpion jacket is diarrhea. And being like, it, me. It's so me, though. It is crazy that your version of self-care is watching the fattest gay guy in the world die slowly.

That would be funny if the Zoomers became really obsessed with the whale. They're like, he's so cool. He's so fucking badass. Yeah, dude, did you see the fucking skin that fell off his back when he got up? Did you see how when he got out of the couch, his skin peeled like an old pizza? The new big Gen Z trend. They all want to become 600 pounds. They're all going to buffets

just trying to get fat as all fucking shit to be like the movie. Yeah, it's on the news. Your kids are unfuckable. They're calling it becoming unfuckable. And your kids might be doing it behind your back. Are your kids trying to not be drafted? Does your kid wear one of those athletic knee sleeves

even though he doesn't work out? No, they start cosplaying at first where they're like, is your son shopping for wheelchairs on the internet? Well, it's because of a growing new trend called becoming unfuckable. And all the teens are doing it your son may be trying to get a pussy on his back there is like such a fight now we can talk about it i guess because you've seen it

fucking 15 times yeah and i'm not gonna ruin it for you devin but i don't care there's a couple of things i want to talk about. Please talk away. It's an amazing movie. All right, I'm going to watch it. I would have asked you to come to see it with me today, but I know you have to wait. No, it's just I got to wait. Ida's got a thing for fatties.

She wants to see it with me. Okay. I did text you that Ben is probably watching that movie like he's in Cape Fear. Yeah, just maniacally laughing in front of a theater. Old Beverly Hills Jews crying and Ben's like, ha ha ha! Nudging the guy next to me.

You start stalking a fat family. I have four ICs. Yeah, really? You get four. I did when I watched the movie, I did definitely look around for a big fat guy just to see if he had the balls to go watch the movie He had to go see it I didn't see any big

First time I went to see it Weirdly I'm thinking about I'm walking through the mall And I'm thinking about The Jay Leno Instagram reel I put up And I was thinking about One fucking negative horrible comment About it

I was like fuck that guy Because I'm about it. I was like, fuck that guy. Yeah. Because I'm just crazy. Yeah. And I'm like, fuck that guy. And then I started thinking about Jay Leno. Literally within 10 seconds of thinking this, I look up and Jay Leno is walking toward me.

What? I swear to God. And his face is super fucked up. He looks like Ball's palsy kind of. Jesus. Which is weird because in the TMZ video he looked fine, but in person now it looks like balls palsy kind of jesus which is weird because in the tmz video he looked fine but in person he just now it looks like his face melted what did he light himself on fire yeah he actually did oh yeah i was like wait where's that been

it's a comedy show comedy show yeah he's walking around in the Phantom of the Opera mask, just with a big chin built into it. Yeah. No, he looked bad. And he's already out. You know what kind of look he had? He had the look where his mouth is agape, like really loose mandible. And he's kind of looking like this and walking hunched over. It's the look of the old man who doesn't know where he is. Right, yeah. So I hope it didn't affect his brain, too. The fire melted his brain. Like this and walking hunched over. It's the look of like the old man who doesn't know where he is. Right.

Yeah. So I hope it didn't affect his brain too. The fire melted his brain. He looked like he was trying to go like, what? No, just Jay, just think. Think, damn it. What year is it? You got this.

You got this, pal. Start with the year, then the month. Fuck the day. Who cares? You know it's nighttime. It's dark out. You got that, buddy. Then we'll work on country then

state then city you got this you'll figure it out context clues he's just walking around trying to shake people's hands like it's the beginning of the tonight show yeah he's got all his timers and he can only like talk in jokes about judge ito from 1996 yeah he's at the mall and he goes all right give it up for the dancing georgina with everybody like mr leno we have to take you to prison mr leno you have night alzheimer's he's like a werewolf yeah we have to strap you into this car so you can go to sleep we have to strap you into an old jalopy we can't stop shitting a jay leto

and it's horrible it's such a horrible thing that happened to him it was it's so funny just to be a beloved comedian for like 45 years getting a huge controversy kind of like bring your image back and burn your whole face off yeah yeah it's, it is. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, he deserves it. Especially if your face was that big. But anyway, we talked about that before. He does seem like the type of guy to have the mental fortitude where he's like, you know, that just happens.

You know, it's stupid. You know, sometimes you burn your whole face off. Yeah, he was like, you're a rough set. That was a rough set. I'm not spending my Tonight Show money. It was a tough crowd. I'm still at the Comedy Magic Club. Everybody's throwing up now, but I'm still performing. I'm still going up. Show money. The tough crowd. I'm still at the Comedy Magic Club. Everybody's throwing up now, but I'm still performing.

I'm still going up. I wonder if he's generous. He seems like the type of guy that has all that money, and he goes to McDonald's like Warren Buffett, and he pays with exact change. Gets a senior coffee for $0.35 at McDonald's. He kind of seems like that guy. He does seem like he gets a soda with a quarter with a string tied to it,

and then pulls it out. He pulls it back. Oh, my God. All right. seem like he gets a soda with a quarter with a string tied to it and then pulls it out oh my god kill her just kill her finally bite her neck and kill her yeah for the next episode we'll figure out we'll we gotta get neighbors out across the street we gotta get rid of them we're gonna have to get rid of them yeah i know emma i would love if mid-episode emma just bit gracie's neck and then crunched and she just fell and we're like finally some peace oh but so then right after that that's not crazy enough i walk in to see the whale and who's walking in with me but one tyler the creator oh hell yeah and he's he's dressed like a choir boy it's very strange yeah yeah he he's dressed like a choir boy. It's very strange.

Yeah, yeah. He's always dressed like he's about to explore the Arctic or something. It was dressed like Steve Zissou. He had like a weird tie where it's like the tie's tucked into the thing. You know what I mean? Like a French thing or whatever. I see Tyler the Creator all over LA. You see him everywhere?

I see him like three times a year at least. All the time. He's like in an old BMW at a stoplight or out front on Fairfax somewhere. Yeah, you see Tyler so much that you just wave. Hey, Tyler. Hey, what's up, Tyler? He's like, yonkers. He's like, fag.

I'm gay now, maybe. Probably not. Who knows? Who knows? I'm always out with hot women, but I'm gay. Joey and I met him out front of the Comedy Store once, and Joey was like, What's up, man? Joey?

He shook his hand, and Tyler put out his pinky. Like this? And he was like this, and Joey's like, Okay, all right. And Joey just did it, like, word. It was an amazing moment. Mr. Creator. Word, Mr. Creator. Mr. Creator Mr. Creator nice to meet you

I'm gonna go piss on the comedy store sign real quick Mr. The Creator I got hammered with Joey last week And he came back to my place Oh it was after we played pool together And he came back to my place And I put on Gone Girl And his eyes were closed the whole movie

But he was still somehow watching it. Because like every 40 minutes out of nowhere, he would just be like, Affleck, you filthy pig. Joey does get so drunk he sees like a snake. He just sees like body heat. Eyes closed, you're a scumbag. You're a scumbag, Affleck. He calls me every time he gets drunk he calls me

he leaves me like three bomb threats or he'll pretend to be the FBI he'll be like he'll be like Devin he'll call me

by my first name like the FBI would ever do that first off he'll go like Devin this is the FBI we uh

found a bunch of child porn on your computer so uh yeah you're gonna be going away for a while you're a sick bastard you, so yeah, you're going to be going away for a while. You're a sick bastard, Kosta.

You're a sicko. You're a sicko. Well, I was with you guys earlier that night, and I kept laughing because we were at a bar that was on a slope. Yeah. Maybe like a 30-degree slope, and I just kept going, like, Joey's in a damn battle with the slope right now. Because he was so drunk, you would see him have to muster... If the foundation of a home is barely off, he just starts falling that direction.

He's like a marble when he's drunk. For architects. They put Joey in the middle of a home to see if it's level after they've built it. He starts stumbling toward the southeast corner. Yeah, well, he would start walking down the slope and he looked like just Michael Jackson leaning on stage. And then he walks up and he's walking just backwards the southeast corner. Yeah. Well, he would start walking down the slope and he looked like just Michael Jackson leaning on stage.

And then he walks up and then he's walking just backwards the entire time. Doing the thing, the drunk guy thing where you go to take a step and your foot goes backwards instead of forwards.

Slides all the way back. Joey did that classic thing too where I was like, hey, Joey. And he's like, he goes, what's up, buddy? And he turns

and there's a beer that just shatters into the side of the wall he goes what the hell he goes it's just these glasses they're like round on the bottom or something like it's like i mean i'm so embarrassing i'm just so happy he's not doing bomb threats anymore it was a rough six six month period we have to have an intervention for joey doing bomb threats i he's he's he's he's spent the night at my house one night. And this was after a pretty depressing thing happened in our lives, but it was still pretty rough.

I came out in the middle of the night because Ida runs in the room and is like, Devin, Joey's calling in bomb threats. And it was like 4 a.m. And I go to the living room and Joey's on the phone hammered. He's on the phone with Chase Bank. And this lady's like, okay, so you would like to close this account? And Joey goes, would hate to be in Times Square today.

Just saying some bad things can happen in a major metropolitan area. He would go like, he would be on hold with people and he'd be like, tick, tick, boom. So he says vague stuff where he's like, man, the Denver airport's mighty pretty. It'd be a shame if anything were to happen to it, huh, Buster?

Exactly. Very vague, but like, well, it could mean a lot. It could mean a lot. You know, I live pretty close to a local high school. Come to think about it. Tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick. You remember when that guy blew up the AT&T store in Nashville?

Sounds like sometimes people reach a limit. One of Joey's finest drunk moments was he was in an Uber, Ubering over to me, and he was already hammered. And this was after these giant wildfires broke out in LA. And this really scared Uber driver's just driving him. Joey's just like filming and like saying crazy things. He started saying that he's the guy that started the fire in LA. And he was convincing the driver.

He was like burning up millions of acres of land. He goes, I started it and then he goes, brother, that feeling when that first ember hits. And the driver was really afraid

and thought he was actually admitting to doing it. It's amazing he still has an Uber account after all these years. I have no clue. I used to treat Uber like his personal nanny. He was just blackout drunk, and I would just throw him in Ubers and be like, just get out. Go. And God knows what happened on those drives.

Yeah. We treated his Ubers like it was Mr. Wolf in Pulp Fiction. They were the fixer. Yeah. We need a fixer. Let's call an Afghani man at 3 a.m. One time an Uber rolled up to our house at midnight and Joey just got out and walked into our living room

and laid down on the couch. And we all turned. We were watching a movie. We were like, oh, hey, Joey. And he's like, eh, eh. And then I called you and you go, oh, he said he was calling an Uber to go home

but he called an Uber to go from Santa Monica all the way across LA he was so drunk he Ubered from his place to your place thinking he was going to his place and then fully walked in and then walked in and it took him it took you guys being like Joey what are you doing

for him to be like, this is my house. He's like, Ben, what are you doing in my house? My beautiful one bedroom in Santa Monica. It was like he's like when he's really drunk. He's like Rooster Cogburn. It's like true grit where he's sleeping like all. No, it's like he pulls like corn dodgers out of his pants. He just starts eating like old jerky.

Yeah. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if Joey like threw a bottle in the air and then pulled a gun out and shot it just at a bar in east hollywood i'm gonna put them in the other room the reason that lemon party was on my mind before we were thinking of names right because you came up with the name yeah for like a four or five month period joey and i were just in a very dark place and we were just very careless and we would go to bars and we develop relationships with all the people that work there. And then sometimes we go and we were like extra drunk and maybe not the greatest customers.

And you know, everyone has those iPads now that you could, you know, so. Yeah, you flip them around. You flip them around. They give them the tip, yeah. So we developed a relationship with like a few bartenders around his neighborhood and we'd go and joey would walk next to me and be like we're gonna do a lemon party and i'd be like all right all right because i was hammered to like it's oceans 11 yeah and then he'd be like can i change the music and they'd be like okay because they like knew us and then joey would go

to lemonparty.org on the ipad like in front of the full bar, in front of the boss, like everybody, and then he'd flip it over and he'd be like, Cisco, have you been watching this? Like an innocent bartender. Luckily, Joey's so charming, he gets out of everything and they all loved it, but it was like amazing. We were just Lemon Partying bars all over town. Yeah, Joey's like the most charming man who ever lived.

He's great, yeah. He once kicked me in the back while I was ordering tacos. I remember that. Like with a steel toe boot. And I go, Joey, you tricks. Meanwhile, my back's like welting up. Like one of my vertebraes is shifted. He's very strong.

And I'm like, oh, you're a little, you're a Loki. One time he lifted Ben over his head in my living room. Iconic photo. You can post it later if you want. And Ben looked over at me like, please have him stop. Ben begged me to get him to stop. Well, the photo's great because it's Joey screaming while he's holding Ben.

It's like a WWE photo of him holding Ben. Well, that's what we were all worried about because he picked you up and then you were right in front of the coffee table and I was horrified he was just going to slam you. He did it to the coffee table. And I was horrified. He was just going to slam. Yeah. He did to my mom, too. There's a whole it's a it's a live photo where it's moving.

You hold it down and you see my mom's legs like flipping back and forth. He just raises your your poor mother into the ceiling fan. Decapitates my mom. Yeah. And then the next morning he sends me an inconvenience fee. That was Joey's classic thing where if he was too drunk he'd do the next morning he'd be like let me send you an inconvenience fee and he'd like venmo you like 50 bucks for his behavior joey tax he's just paying people off for dealing with it he's like a mob boss he's like don't say i never did nothing for you give you an envelope with 50 bucks in it.

This is for the other night when we came in and did the thing. Like when you pulled your cock out and started pissing everywhere. But yeah, but Tyler the Creator was in the movie. Oh, yeah. For the will. You said he was with some babes, though, right? No, some younger... These things. Sure. That had hats with weed leaves on them and cat ears and stuff oh like like like weed store employees yes i don't know how else to describe

yes yeah women who get so into hypebeast culture they become like swamp things almost they have like mold on them yeah and they smoke so much weed they have like no muscles they're like they're made like string cheese. They're just very... Yeah, they look like that Dare commercial from the 2000s where the woman just melts into the couch. It's like a weird... It's like they came out of that thing in The Fly,

but in one portal was DeviantArt, and in the other one was Hypebeast Culture, and that's the thing that came out. They were a hot woman who walked into a spencer's gifts that got struck by lightning and then they like bonded with the spencer's gifts just people where i don't even i have no idea what you are right you you have very short hair but it doesn't seem that you're gay you seem to you seem to be straight edge yet there's pictures of drugs all over your body. I have no idea where they're coming from. The fishnets have grown into your legs at this point.

You can't remove them. Though the fishnets are your varicose veins. Yeah, you think she's six feet tall, but when she takes her Doc Martens off, she's 5'1". She's like, oh, these Doc Martens? No, this is what my feet look like. Oh, yes, the soles of my feet are 12 inches long so he's with a couple girls like that and clearly a bodyguard type guy who's like standing seven feet away or whatever and he's very mature now he's carrying himself like an

intellectual kind of yeah i didn't i thought he was still the skateboarding doofus. He started winning Grammys and making more like, you know, artistic, artistically inspired music and, you know. I love the bastard. He's an amazing musician. He tries to do new things

all the time and I respect, I respect the shit out of Tyler, the creator. Well, he's very, he's grown up. He's grown up, yeah. He's grown up.

We watched him grow up in front of our own eyes, if you will. I did stand up at one of his shows one time And he was in the front row He called me the n-word It was a highlight of my life

How do you call you the n-word? I did a joke about black women And then him and Olive Odd Future were like You are n-word They kept saying it and I was on stage like oh god You told me You're blushing You're like Olive Oil I was like I'm not that You're like you're blushing. Oh, my. No. You're like olive oil.

I was like, I'm not that. You're like, you're the N-word. Mr. The Creator. Mr. Creator, stop. It was like Marilyn Monroe, that picture with her dress flying. I was like, hey, get out of here. Hot garbage you are going in your pussy. But he was very wild Monroe, that picture with her dress flying. I was like, hey, get out of here. Hot garbage air going in your pussy. But he was very wild then, like backstage.

God, this is, God, blow their heads off. Dude, you gotta, yeah, you gotta kill the dogs, dude. You gotta just like get a syringe full of air or something. This is wild. We've never had this big of an issue with them before. This is insane. And the thing is, they wait until we literally hit record. Yes.. This is wild. We've never had this big of an issue with them before. This is insane. And the thing is, they wait until we literally hit record. Yes.

To start going wild. They were sitting. They were sitting the whole time before. Oh, my God. Enough of you. Emma, please stop. Emma, we're going to have to record like two hours. Emma, please stop.

Do you know what Ben's rent is? We're moving out soon it is funny the only reason you have this incredibly expensive place is because of these fucking two retards oh these two retard dogs yeah yeah like literally if these guys got hit by a milk truck you could be living in a nice apartment they require a lot

yeah but yeah Tyler was backstage and he was he was obviously doing things to make us uncomfortable. All the comics were standing around waiting, and they're like, what is this? What is a Tyler the Creator show? Whatever. And he kept walking by the green room on the phone with one of the Odd Future guys, and

he kept being like, Lionel, what'd you say? Wanting us to hear, and then he'd be like, he fucked you in the butt? He fucked you in the butt? Lionel, be like he fucked you in the butt is that he fucked you in the butt lying really he fucked you in the butt and we were all just like a classic Tyler creator it was very interesting yeah well he's not that now no now now he's very much like uh i i know how to tie a tie um my dad taught me how to do it uh I tie my ties with donuts on them. Thank you. He's like, I sailed here.

Excuse me, I dressed like P. Diddy's assistant in 2004. Thank you very much. I dress like a French maid now. I know I used to make songs about raping my mom. Now I'm a French maid. Yeah, because you used to be like, the Virgin Mary, I fucked her in her ass. It's just like Eminem inspired.

Yeah. It's just, you know, shot around. He was eating cockroaches. Now he's like, I'm a gay guy in a Wes Anderson movie. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be he was this weird school shootery creature guy who ate bugs.

Yeah. His first album, Goblin, he has like his eyes blacked out and like an upside down cross on his face. Yeah. It was just like, it was supposed to be, you know, very intriguing. And every track was a different slur.

Mm-hmm. He's great. Tyler Crane's great. I told you I love Bastard. I love Goblin. He could go like Earl Sweatshirt. And Earl Sweatshirt, I think, is just a homeless guy now.

His album gave me very, very, very crippling depression for maybe two months because I listened to that 30-minute I Hate Shit I a homeless guy now. His album gave me very, very, very crippling depression for maybe two months because I listened to that 30-minute I Hate Shit I Don't Go Outside. I listened to that on repeat for two weeks straight. That's the one that Chum's on, right? I love that album, yeah.

Dude, it made me so depressed, though. It's very depressing. You can't listen to that over and over. No, no. Yeah. I haven't loved Earl Sweatshirt's recent stuff. It kind of sounds like it's broken or something. No, it is.

It's like a weird accordion you guys there's something wrong yeah yeah it's like did this did something happen is the is it scratched is this a scratch file it does sound like mf doom like had a stroke or something and he does those weird raps where he's like tragically agically yeah actually factually yeah yeah yeah it's just a weird fucking they might be giants kind of like spiritual lyrical thing yeah and then you see the music video you're like dude he looks like he's jamie foxx and the pianist right now he's like trash on him a weird beard he is weirdly like the guy where he's like you want to see my uh my notebook you're like no. Keep that over there. And his notebook is just drawings of his dad getting stabbed over and over again.

He had a legendary quote, though, about Eminem. He said something like when Eminem started making pretty bad music, where he was like, only people that listen to Eminem, they drink too much Mountain Dew and they join the army. And I've seen it stolen a million times. Attributed to someone else? Yeah, everyone will say that about Eminem, but it's like ty uh earl had like the first tweet where he said that or something yeah it was great no and i like earl but it seems like he's genuinely going through like a lot i think he's very depressed yeah yeah yeah uh oh so so in the whale i was

dude i was hoping this is the through line. I was really hoping that in the whale, though, since Tyler was sitting behind me with these, you know, two DeviantArt drawings. Sure. I was hoping that I could hear maybe some, he's Tyler. He's a huge ego. He's clearly a narcissist. I think he's very talented.

He's a big narcissist, huge narcissist. You're saying like any star is a narcissist. Like anybody, yeah. Yeah, but him especially where he's very much like look at me look at me that's a one of the big that's one of his big personality traits is look at me sure i think sorry but i'm then you finally gotten too far and i'm waiting for i thought he was gonna be ha ha, look at this guy or whatever. But none of that. And it was a very like respectful, no one laughed, no one made any comments.

There was no nothing. And then he was outside the movie after like sort of adjusting his tie and like talking with both of them at the AMC Century Mall. Like, what'd you think? But like discussing the movie in a very polite. He's out front just like looking at these two like hip hop dancers. And he's like, he's fat as shit, right? Yeah.

Feeding them edibles like they're dogs. Like it's kibble. But it seemed like they were weirdly keeping him in check. Where he was like, he was like almost, I didn't hear what he was saying, but the tones of what he was saying and how he was discussing the movie. Because he was discussing the film. he was saying and how he was discussing the movie because he was discussing the film is he's very much like well you know they they consulted the obesity collision uh before uh before uh you know getting into character brendan frees like stuff like that stuff that you would say in a vanity fair sure sure type of uh interesting interview so it was very like i was like oh he's uh he's

an adult now which is cool adult artists should change and evolve. They shouldn't be... Obviously, he can't be eating roaches and talking about fucking God in his pussy when he's 50. That's insane. He's evolved in the last... The last five, six years, he's kind of been that. He's won Grammys.

He started making real music, beautiful music. He's wearing blonde wigs now. That's right. He's wearing dresses. But that's the problem with Eminem is they can't grow into the, some guys can't grow into the next thing and he grew into the next thing. I don't know what to do. He was trying to just keep up with the like, fuck, you know, everybody.

And it's just really, he just makes Call of Duty music now. He's just making like the soundtrack for like terrible movies the call of duty music he makes like like if you're at walmart he's blasting yeah yeah he makes music for ptsd he makes music that like trailers listen to yeah because he is a trailer like trailers bob their head and he's my favorite person, Bob, possibly ever. The problem is when he started getting criticized, he's like, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to rap faster.

And people are like, nobody cares. Yeah, we don't. That's not even a thing. We don't care anymore. He also just gets things wrong. He'll call anything trap rap now. And it's like, it's a little out of touch. Oh, he sounds like an old man.

Yeah. He's getting beefs with Machine Gun Kelly.lly and you're like what happened to this great man why are you even in the same realm as him like why are you even saying his name right why didn't you overdose in 2009 it's really it's the stanhope joke like god i wish you died i don't i mean i'm happy for your life you need to raise raise your daughter. Right. Just stop rapping. Please stop. Stop rapping and take the painter's hat off. Mm-hmm. Shave. Oh, God.

That stupid hat. Oh, the army cap? The army cap. I don't even know. He makes music for, like, it's like, not to be like Earl Sweater, but he does make music. He makes music for people that join the army, like, in the mall. Like, they leave Wetzel's Pretzels and then join the armed services. They had no plan to join the army like in the mall like well like they leave wetzel's pretzels and then join the armed services they had no plan to join the army they're walking by like i like camo

camo's pretty cool i go hunting yeah i go hunting for humans so what if i join the army it's like it's a big it's like a giant like it's like a giant, like, Bass Pro Sport shop. So you're telling me it's like Big Buck Hunter, but with brown people. It's guys who were at the mall, and they went to go get Dippin' Dots, and then they opened their wallet, and it was empty, and they go, oh, I should go join the Army. If I join the Army, I could make $20,000, maybe $30,000 a year. The guy that wakes up and sees there's three dollars in his account and he just he's like well i'm just gonna go join the army i guess yeah i'm gonna go get on a bus and go

to the mall yeah it's a guy who's like i could get addicted to meth or i could join the army he just goes to his his he tries to take a shower in the morning there's no water comes out he's like yeah i guess i'll go to the mall and join the army it's a guy who puts in his headphones just listening to uh what is it reunion what's the rehab what is it called relapse relapse yeah relapse no no relapse is good what no what's the album with the american flag revival that's revival that's the worst that's the worst album ever made by anybody ever no i'm not kidding isn't it a waving american flag my favorite person ever and he made the worst album ever made. Yeah. You'd rather listen to the Corey Haim album

where he shows Michael Jackson. I'd rather listen to anything. I'd rather listen to Indian hip hop. It's the worst thing ever. You'd rather listen to that Asian violin they play in the subway. I'd rather listen to Yoko Ono scream in a lobby. I've listened to Yoko Ono scream.

Like in a lobby. Oh, God. And then he had the other one where it was, I'm not afraid. I believe in God. Take a stand. I love Walmart. Everybody,

Walmart slashing prices. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's doing songs about... He's doing songs about how if you grew up in a trailer and joined the army, one day you can move into a double wide, which is almost like a house. Yeah. Roll back prices. Van life. That cage of balls.

You want to buy a ball from the cage of balls. They still have that for kids, right? Yeah, they do. A bunch of little bicycles no one ever buys. You do see those bikes. You're like, what child can fit on this? A Rodney Carrington comedy DVD. A fishing pole for $4.

It will break. The fattest jeans you've ever seen. They cost $0.45. Edible jeans. jeans you've ever seen. They cost 45 cents. Edible jeans. They're made of jerky. Have you tried to pick out clothes from Walmart before you take something off of a coat hanger and it immediately disintegrates?

Yeah, I bought... If they get wet they disappear you like take something off of a rack and it just turns into a bunch of moms yeah you try it on and it's cutting you you're like bleeding yeah no i i read like six months ago i ripped my pants at work so i had to go just to walmart and buy a new pair of jeans and i got them off the rack they were like the smallest size too there like which is not normal for me and then you take it to the lady who's guarding the changing rooms and she almost gives you a look of like why are you here just take the pants home that costs twelve dollars you're gonna try them on i'm, I want to see how they look. They're like, you're in a Walmart.

You fucked up your life. She goes, I know you're driving a 2007 Toyota Corolla with a check engine light on right now. Last guy that used the changing room tried to fuck a Mountain Dew. Have you been in a Walmart bathroom before? It's just like a homeless guy on his back like this. And a turd is coming out of his ass like it's a baby he's giving birth to. It's a guy doing Lamaze breathing to shit. He's doing a water birth in the sink to take his shit.

A homeless guy going, He's holding someone's hand. They take the shit out of him and lay it on his chest so he can get skin-to-skin contact. A doctor comes in and tells him not to hold the turd by the back. You could kill it.

We're going to have to do surgery. The cord's wrapped around the shit's neck. You could kill it. We're going to have to do surgery. The cords wrapped around the shit's neck. He just carries it around town for years going, my baby. I'm doing the impression. Oh, putting my legs up like this. He's on his back and it's crowning, and someone's like, I can see it. I can see the head.

And he goes, it's a miracle, I tell you. It's a homeless guy. Yeah, it's a homeless guy paying with his own teeth at the checkout. He puts an M&M CD down, they're like $5, and he just pulls a tooth out and puts it. That's collateral. Here's my filler. Oh, so the whale. Here's what was so confusing about the whale.

And really, it fucked me up because obviously, if you listen to the show, folks, you know I'm fascinated by guys that are 1,000 pounds. And you are, too. You're either completely, totally disgusted by it. Katie couldn't look at the screen. She was horrified the entire time.

Or you're fascinated by it. I fall in the category of admitting that I'm fascinated by it to a fault, for sure. You're fascinated by somebody who's just completely fucked their life up in such a weird, interesting way. Yes. It also just is the representation of the American decay. Yes. It's overconsumption to the point of death. Yeah.

Where you're not even enjoying it. I mean, there were scenes in the movie where he's literally eating fistfuls of Snickers bars at one time. So here's what's crazy is it's one of the most amazing performances. He has this line where he turns to his ex-wife and he wants the ex-wife to promise the daughter. He wants her to promise to him that when he dies, she's going to take all of his money and give it to her, basically. To the daughter. And he turns and he's like,

I have to know that I've done at least one thing right with my life! Wow. And it's this, you're fucking crying. You're crying. It's crazy the way he's delivering it. And then two minutes later,

he's eating a Three Musketeers like it's a french fry. He's eating a three musketeers like it's a french fry he's just screeching in he has buckets of chicken yeah there's literally a scene that could have been in the nutty professor where he eats he eats a one pizza that's off screen you just see him throw the whole pizza box down well he starts stacking three or four slices on top of each other and he starts eating them like it's a crazy two minute montage of him and then he wheelchairs over to yeah it's really a montage it's a montage of a meeting then he goes he's in his will he got a fat guy wheelchair at this point in it because it never leaves his living room and he's just he just

wheelchairs over there and he rips a bag of barbecue chips open and starts putting them between slices of bread and he starts eating the barbecue chip sandwiches because he's out of the two boxes of pizza and he starts dumping grape jelly on it. So you go from being incredibly torn for this guy to all of a sudden it's this crazy thing. It's the scene from The Nutty Professor where they're at the buffet. That's what I'm saying, yeah, yeah.

Darren Aronofsky is like, he's fucking with me. You know what I think he's doing? What? I think he's going, I dare you to fucking laugh at this shit. I dare you to laugh. This guy's a fucking thousand pounds and he's making what i think he's going i dare you to fucking laugh at this shit i dare you to laugh this guy's a fucking thousand pounds and he's making barbecue chip sandwiches because he's so fat which by the way i don't think people do that when they're that overweight i don't think they're

like putting i don't think they're like putting a lays bag of potato chips bag between two slices of bread and eating it well i think people with eating disorders like that they don't like they're not eating like they're on heroin or something and they're like jonesing you know like he's shaking and like shooting ranch into his mouth that's what i think aronofsky can't understand is he's like oh it's like heroin i got it right he's like he eats the furniture it's like no it doesn't get that bad they just like they order like three boxes of pizza and they eat it in bed and pass out right right yeah I've watched the the 600-pound life before and it's always like it's very funny when they're they go to the by a piece amazing they go to but they'll buy and they'll buy ten

pizzas and he'll eat like three of them before he gets back to the yeah I think I know specifically what episode you're talking about the black guy yeah the black guy I'm a connoisseur for my 600 pound life and he's so fat that he has sweatpants and his fat has like bifurcated down his sweatpant line and it's like two big nuts like walking around yep yeah yeah it's pretty great yeah because what the gut does when the gut gets big enough it starts to in the middle it's like it's kind of like uh when a like a dam breaks or something where the water comes out of one point the dam like broke in his skin where then your stomach grows another stomach

and then it descends it's almost like it's growing a really big big penis yeah and it comes out like this long it's like a big yeah it's like a big fucked up nose. Your body starts trying to create another man. So your belly turns into two different legs. It starts trying to hide you. Your forehead starts drooping over your face. It tries to create a new body in front of the worthless one. It's trying to escape your diseased brain. It's like budding when a thing buds and something grows off of it.

I would like it if there was a guy who got so fat that a handsome, beautiful man came out of him and he just died. Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Just a guy steps out of the fat guy, basically. Yeah, they find the shell of him in his house somewhere just opened up there's like a giga chad guy standing in front of him just like with perfectly cut like dick ab arrows yeah so is this movie gonna aronofsky's like look i don't know what to tell you guys i i consulted the it's the obesity collision yeah he's like don't worry i consulted martin warren so we know what's up yeah like he called he like facetimed with lindy west for 30 minutes and he's basically darren aronofsky is like look i don't know what to tell you in the movie the guy's a thousand pounds he's bedridden

he masturbates to gay pornography all the time and uh yeah most of the movie is really just him eating and crying so i i dare you yeah i dare you laugh i dare you to not laugh at this well that's the thing is that like i told you the very like you i went into it expecting this emotional empathetic movie which it is because i cry at the end of the movie yeah but you are you have a mental illness because that's the only time you'll cry he's watching a really big fat guy die but you think it's emotional empathetic movie and then you go into it, and the first scene is him watching gay porn until he has a heart attack. And he starts going like,

And he's lifting up his fat. He's doing the thing where he has to lift up his fat to get his arm under his fat to jack off his penis. I think it'd be great if the movie ended with him dying by a stray bullet on the 4th of July. Bullet comes right through his roof, kills him.

Yeah, a guy from like two towns. And then the whole family's like, I guess he won? He was gonna die this way, I guess, the whole time. He never even died from his health. Oh, and his daughter keeps coming in and she keeps saying faggot and retarded. And Aronofsky's still like, hmm.

When's it set? Nothing funny about that. Four years ago that 2016 years ago five years ago yeah he's like yep she just walked in she just used those slurs she calls him that she was talking about Walt Whitman and then she calls his apartment she's like your apartment

smells and it's retarded was she like she's like listening to our podcast in the movie well there is a funny he teaches remotely so he's always wearing a headset and the first time you put the headset on i'm like oh he's a podcaster it makes it makes perfect sense it's all it's just an indictment of the art of podcasting yeah he has two dogs come in and just start fucking each other while he's trying to record besides it being about your favorite people fat worthless idiots,

is it a great movie, actually? Or are you overhyping it? Well, I think I may be conceited here. I think I may be conceited. But I think it's really good. Katie was completely horrified. When he would eat, Katie would turn away like it was a beheading video. And she would go,

just tell me when he's done eating. Because it's that nasty. Yeah. He does buckets of fried chicken, tons of pizza, just various different types. He just goes, at one point it just turns into a cooking video. Where he's just like making things in his kitchen.

He's swallowing cans of beans. He's putting his own hand in a George Foreman grill and pressing it down. Dude, at one point he looks in it. He opens a drawer of Fig Newtons. And he goes... And he closes it. And then he opens the other drawer. And it's just filled with three Musketeers and Snickers.

And then he takes them out and eats them like they're French fries at McDonald's. I can relate to that feeling of looking at a granola bar and being like, God damn it. Like Nature's Ready. That shit. Or what is it? The Nature bars? Yeah Like Nature's Ready, that shit, or what is it? The nature bars? Yeah, Nature's Ready. Valley?

Nature's Valley? Yeah, Nature's Valley. Wipe those off the face of the fucking planet. I hate those things. There is something about eating those dry with nothing else where you're like, I might as well just blow my brains out. They're so depressing. They're the most depressing snack.

Yeah, just debris everywhere when you're done. It's horrific. I get it, because I'll have the same thing where I try to eat healthy, just debris everywhere when you're done. It's horrific. I get it because I'll have the same thing where I try to eat healthy. I'm not very good at it. But I'll eat oatmeal for four breakfasts in a row. And by the fifth time, I just kind of look at it. I'm like, I'm ordering fucking McDonald's for three times today. How is having scenes of him showering and us seeing him naked?

How do they do it? He never can grab anything. He always takes out a... It takes him a minute to assemble a claw like he's cleaning a pool. If he just wants to lift up a cup of water, he has to screw... He's about to play pool. He has to get a claw and then he'll grab it.

But it takes a minute. But they're trying to show this is what it's actually like to be a bedridden guy. And, uh, then they have him showering. And of course in the shower, he has crazy,

it's like Pee Wee Herman's like Rube Goldberg machine where he's pulling crazy levers, the sponges and loofahs and just insane things. And I'm like, I don't think, cause this is supposed to be us feeling for them. It's supposed to make us more empathetic. But then he's showing,

don't show me him wiping his ass. Don't show me that. That's Aronofsky. That's like Requiem for a Dream, boo the fatso. You have to show that. That's like the meat. Requiem for a dream, boo the fatso. You have to show that. That's like the meat. Requiem for ice cream.

That's the meat is Aronofsky going, we want to show the really fucked up stuff. Yeah, yeah. We want to see him take a shit. That's the whole point. Nobody thinks of what is it, how hard is it for guys that fat to take a shit. Yeah. No, it's just the thing. I totally agree.

It's like an insight into how sad this guy's life is. But then you leave and I'm like, all right, I just kind of like I'm really sad now. Right. Like, what is the... Like, you could just make a movie showing me a prostitute getting fucked in the ass and then dying. And I'm like, yeah, that does happen. I don't know.

It feels like such a 14-year-old, like, show me a footage of a guy getting shot in the head and you go, can you fucking deal with that? Yeah. And I'm like, no, I can't know. It feels like such a 14-year-old, like, show me a footage of a guy getting shot in the head. And you go, can you fucking deal with that? Yeah. And I'm like, no, I can't. That's why I don't want to watch that. Right. I watched an interview with Aronofsky where he's like, all the other movies, like Shallow Hal and The Nutty Professor, all of them are really cartoonish. I consulted everybody in the obesity collision, and we got a great 3D artist to render what Brendan Fraser's body would look like

if he was actually very, very disgusting. Like, I wonder if there are deleted scenes in the movie that Aronofsky decided to cut out, where Aronofsky's like, now in this scene, like the director's commentary, where he's like, we built something within the suit

so for when he's pissing into the toilet, it's spraying it's hitting all of his fat it was a ten thousand dollar device but that's how they really piss yeah because they're so fat and disgusting they're like we have a deleted scene where he eats a dinner with the clumps that we felt ultimately was distracting to the movie like i can't imagine someone who is actually his weight writing a letter to darren aronofsky being like thank you so much now everybody looks at me much differently no people used to just try to like put me out of sight out of mind now people are like oh my god that's that's that's daryl's life yeah that you can't be that bad can it yeah oh it's so brutal you can hear it's brutal it's so brutal ida's gonna walk out it's yeah it's just no women can make it through that movie yeah the only people

i've seen in the theater other than tyler the crater uh are it's it's alone like i went today by myself it's single people it's single it's one you gotta watch it like bickle you gotta be like a travis bickle you have to be Travis Bickle you do have to like shoot at the screen with your finger while you watch it you don't go with a bunch of friends yeah you go to Buffalo Wild Wings and then watch The Whale yeah like come on you guys walking

out laughing like it's Naked Gun yeah it's amazing though I might see it a third time that's insane that's i don't know i mean maybe i mean i've seen a lot of movies three times but no they were never about a fat guy in one room but that should be the name of the movie fat guy one room fat guy one room fat guy one room i mean i don't blame you though i saw the irishman like four times in theaters irishman was great yeah but it's still deranged for me to have seen it that many times. It's because two of the viewings were just with retards.

I hate retards in movies. Retards ruined Once Upon a Time in Hollywood for me, where they kept cheering and laughing at the wrong parts. I hated it. I hated it. Nothing drives you crazy. It makes me insane. I don't go to Burbank for that reason.

I always get retards in Burbank. I saw it at the Landmark up the street, and the first time it was like unbelievable. It was just all like TikTok dipshits in the theater. People were like talking throughout it and like standing up and just dancing and shit. I was about I like was

I started like yelling at people. Did you really? I did. My dad told me to like calm down. I was about to be like this is his last movie with these people. We'll never see these people on screen again. Yeah. You just stand up.

You're like, I have a gun. I'm going to recreate the Dark Knight Rises. Yeah, you are watching with people who are like, brah, Scorsese, the go. Yeah, that's, I know. God, I hate everybody. Scorsese. I watched, I think I told know. God, I hate everybody. Scorsese. I watch, I think I told you.

He did the Godfather. I love Scorsese. Scarface is sick. Dog Carlitos, where is the greatest movie of all time? Fuck yeah. By the way, Brian.

Stella. Stella. Stella. Remember? Remember? From Coach Carter? And Elaine. remember remember from coach carter and elaine remember side fans yeah they they love martin scorsese from his daughter's tiktok account i watch fucking get out in los filas at at that like the low spiel is three three yeah where they like wheel out like a Panasonic like like a substitute teacher project did high school yeah they're drawing there it's a stencil of the movie it's like a Don Hertzfeld it is yeah

it's a flash car it's really fast it's a guy walks in front of the theater and holds his iphone up but it's like a pet it was packed just full of white people from like nyu and i was next to a white woman who i swear to god was like wearing like a fucking cloth tied around her head and she just the homie was like child you do not go in there. I'm like, you're the movie. You're doing the movie at the movie. What are you doing? Mm-mm, child. Uh-uh, child, you do not. And then she gets outside. She's like, oh, a black person.

She sees the poster and calls the cops. It's a white woman doing it. Yeah, it was a white woman. No, it was a white woman doing it. Yeah, a white woman. You better get out, baby. You know we ain't going to catch no black people going in there. This ain't that type of movie, baby.

She's on Obama's website in the movie. A black person comes on screen and she hides her purse. Throughout the movie, she keeps locking her car. Like sticking her hand out the exit window. Sticking her hand out the exit door. Exit door. Just, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Yeah, the TSA guy comes on screen.

She goes, he raped me. But I'll vote for him. I'll vote for him. I'll vote for his ass. I'd vote for Obama a third time. Yeah. Good times. Well, we've Obama a third time. Yeah. Good times. Well, we've done

like an hour. Well, I guess I'll have to cut out the dog stuff and whatnot, but this was a good ep. Yeah. Yeah. I think this was

our best episode we've done. This is the best. I really feel like I nailed the Brendan Fraser that line. You did like

an incredible performance. That was better than any Brendan Fraser movie. You should be. I would love if you could be in The Whale, too. God, I would love to. You did like an incredible performance That was better than any Brendan Fraser movie You should be I would love if you could be in The Whale too God I would love to God I would love it

I want a TV show Of The Whale? Of The Whale Because it's amazing We've only seen mukbangs And like horror Just people in their car That are in a car

He actually like got the red cinema 4K cameras Like really put thought into it it's just like i really love him for doing this for me because i feel like nobody else is going to appreciate the movie but me they should do a whale too where it's like osmosis jones and you play his gut biome and you're just like god damn it stop stop snickers for breakfast again? Yeah, Ben's just a rogue black cop inside his body. For the love of God, drink a kombucha, you fat fuck!

Your toes are dead. We gave up. We closed that part of the body. Oh, God. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. Devin's new channel will be in the link, so we can get subscribers back over to there. I bought lights at Guitar Center,

but they're way too bright to shine directly on us. I got different lights coming from Amazon. It's going to be a whole different game next week. Happy holidays to everybody out whole different game next week. Happy holidays to everybody out there. Thanks for everything. We've got to do another episode now. Bye, everybody. I'm sorry. Thank you.