lemonparty - 009: the swamp donkey

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

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Check one one two test checking checking test. Checking, checking. Hello, hello. I think your cord's into your feet there. Oh, sorry. No, you're fine. We are rolling. Oh, we're rolling? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Get your headphones on, bro.

Yeah, give me my cans. Get your damn cans on. So I can be a professional broadcaster. God, I wish those were another type of cans. Am I right, folks? Right? Tits is what I'm talking about. Big titties.

Big, juicy pair of tits. Love juicy tits. What are you talking about i think if that'll be my thing ben's gonna relapse if the patreon gets to 100k i'll get big fucking bolt on tits big like g cup fake round tits that'd be a great thing if we get to 200k i'll get tits if you you know about the the poker player that lost a bet and he had to get tits he had to get implants yeah joey and i did an episode of hate watch about it yeah the guy was was it doyle brunson he's 80 years old it was a dude that was he was forced to get tits because he lost a bet i like to think the bet was like for 20 dollars

brian zimbik. Is that it? You would hope it would be the one result that comes out. I literally typed in, what did I type? Let me go back. I typed in poker bet fake tits. That's it. That's it.

Yeah. I was just. Can you pull up a picture of the guy? Hold on. Big fake tits. This is in Maxim. The man with the $100,000 breasts and other bets gone wild. Hell yeah.

Maybe that's it. Yeah, my favorite magazine. Is it Maxim? Yeah, I get that thrown on my porch every Sunday by a paper boy. I walk out like Tony Soprano. Yeah, you walk out like Tony Soprano and you just jack off to Kate Upton. I go, I feel like I'm coming at the ending. Ladies and gentlemen.

There we go. There we go. We're doing a podcast. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming at the ending Ladies and gentlemen There we go We're doing a podcast Folks it's a podcast We did a comic joke Sopranos reference Jesus Christ I did get my girlfriend to start watching Sopranos Which has been pretty great That's awesome you get to rewatch it with her

This is like my fourth rewatch The whole time I'm just like yeah that's awesome you get to re-watch it with her i get to this is like my fourth re-watch and the whole time i'm just like that's so that's a reference to goodfellas and she's like shut up when christopher gets shot in the or shoots the banker no literally shoots the baker on the foot i go so that's a reference to he played spider and he got shot in the foot and she's like i'm never sucking your dick again and i go you know what honestly worth it if i just get to watch sopranos instead of talking to you as you're talking she's like, I'm never sucking your dick again. And I go, you know what? Honestly worth it. If I just get to watch Sopranos instead of talking to you. As you're talking, she's just leaning forward, getting ready to flick your penis. She puts ice on my penis. So it's really small and then flicks it.

And I go, it's all worth it. If I could just watch the big team, man. This guy's name, Devin, was Brian the Wiz Zimbek. The Wiz. And he agreed to do it for a hundred thousand dollars back in 1996 man not worth it yeah so it was the bad fake tits yeah he had to get the fucking the austin powers like fembot tits yeah that's what i was thinking of the yeah the uh which which was that yeah yeah the tits where they can just like one out every 10 they just break and like melt your brain of every ten, they just break and, like, melt your brain inside your skull.

They're exploding. They're, like, killing women at a cheesecake factory right now. Yeah, he pushes all in and his tits explode and kill Phil Helmuth, whatever his stupid name is. All their names are stupid. Yeah, all their names. And they all wear glasses. Poker Jesus.

Fuck off. Poker sucks. Fuck you all. Why don't you play basketball, dumbass? Walking into the World Series of Poker, just be like, play football. This sucks. Fuck you. This is the worst World Series of all time.

It's four guys around a table that don't get pussy. They're dressed like a nativity scene it's five guys on lipitor wearing like wearing like lizard sunglasses yeah and they're using all of their poker winnings on getting pussy that's how you know that dan bilzerian guy probably isn't good at poker because he has he has a harem of uh women there's no way he's some sort of math genius. No, no, no. There's no way. He's a fraud, that guy. He's a total fraud. Have you ever gone through his Wikipedia page?

No. It's pretty funny because the biography is just like two lines, and then the controversy is like 85 items. It's like Dan Blazarian famously tried to execute Prince Muammar Gaddafi. It says entry by Dan Blazarian at the bottom. I i'm gonna see if i can find a picture of this guy's fake tits because i will say we're being a little hard on the professional poker players is that him those are his fake tits that's not that bad that's pretty that's respectable those are nice tits yeah those are solid they put him so low on his body. Yeah, they... They're like in the middle of his damn torso.

It says he got C's. He must have got them deflated later on. Yeah. That really... You just really must not give a fuck about life. You know what's funny? It looks like it had no effect on his life. Did he get them removed at a certain point?

Like, was there a period he had to have them for? I think at least... Or was it just the rest of his life? I think at least a year he had to have them jesus christ dude he kind of looks like trump yeah it's funny because he's he's being very manly in all the pics but he's got big tits yeah he's like on a safari hunt he honestly just looks like any lesbian in the valley he's killing like rare animals with donald Trump Jr., but he's got tits. Yeah, Donald Trump Jr. is holding his tits up next to a big gun. So he's a well-heeled backgammon player.

He put up the six-figure fund, and Zimbik became the proud owner of two 38C breasts. The proud owner. After undergoing a notorious boob job. First reported by Maxim, and I love that they're taking the credit for that. We were the first to break that story. We had reporters on the ground. There's a guy with a big old-timey hat that says Prasenik going, Mr. Mr. Yeah,

Woodward and Bernstein found his bra. They're like, we've got breaking news. Brian Zembik has tits. They're in a parking garage feeling his nipples. Bernstein's sucking on his nips. To win the bet, he had to keep the tits for 12 months, but he said he's come to like his surgically augmented set so much that 19 years later, they remain firmly in place.

Oh, so this is just clearly a guy who did a, like he wanted to be trans, but he needed to find a... He needed to be manly about it. So he's like, dude, fucking bet me to get tits. Go ahead. He's like, dude, I would hate doing that. Right. An obvious bad bet.

He's hitting on 20 in blackjack. He's like, if this isn't a one, fucking fake tits for the rest of my life. I don't want to do it. Yeah. All of a sudden. He's like a great poker player but for whatever reason that night he kept saying gin rummy he says go fish god damn i guess i have to get my dick cut off too it was like we know what he's betting you no one needed you to do this

this is an amazing quote we all we all folded you lost the bet to yourself, Zembik. Amazing quote from him. He said, I got lazy. I was busy gambling, and honestly, they grew on me. Adding that the bet stipulated he had to pay for the implants himself. The surgeon did it. It says in parentheses, the surgeon did it for free in exchange for Zembik dropping a backgammon debt against him. Oh, it's just a big world of people owing each other debts. You're robbing Peter to give a boob job to Paul.

You're sucking Peter off to titty fuck Paul. What if he's like, doc, double or nothing? Fucking give me a pussy, dude. Fucking cut my dick and push it in my body. You know he sucks them while he jacks off oh for sure and it's the best jerk sessions he's ever jacked off in the mirror with a hand over his eyes like that so he can't see his face yeah he bends over to fuck his own dick with his tits it says here by the way uh i'm kind of getting jealous of this guy, honestly. Life hack.

Dude, life hack. He says, plus it hasn't hurt my ability to get girls. He says, they don't give a shit. I highly doubt that. I'm not sure about that. He goes, dude, when you give a woman 10 grand for an hour, they don't care that you have tits. Exactly. I love phrasing it like that, too too they do they do not give a shit

dude i still fuck them wait let's hold the phone for a second this guy's clearly just like a gay pervert hold on he goes he's no stranger to bizarre wagers known as prop bets zimbik once earned five thousand dollars spending a night under new york's 59th street bridge in the 1990s sleeping with vagrants he went down there and he sucked them all off and smelled crack and did glass and stuff yeah yeah he was absolutely getting like eiffel tower by homeless dude this is what a prison masculinity was in the 90s is you had to go to these lengths to just suck a guy off under a bridge. Just every bed is shit

he wants. He's like, alright, I'll bet you I'll abandon my children if I fucking lose. And then he just keeps throwing the game. I'll marry this Thai boy I came in with. We walked in at separate times. We're not together.

His name's Brian. It's Brian, right? I like to think he's been trying to lose this bet for like 20 years. Just kept winning. He's like, fuck. Oh, wow. Another poker guy named Antonio Esfandari bet $500,000 that he would be able to spend a year abstaining from any form of sexual release.

How do you fucking, how do you judge that? I mean, he could be jacking off behind closed doors. That's true because you can't put like a meter. It's not like with like a vodka bottle that you keep in the medicine cabinet. You put like a line. You can't put a line on his balls or something there's guys that like the fucking mandalay bay like checking his nut like like if he has semen in his balls usada's coming out and making him piss and they're like there's not enough calm in the piss they'd have to truman

show him where they put cameras all up in his house these guys are serious like that they they probably did you think so they probably filmed him every second of the day and like they all watched yeah they put make sure he's not jack they put like the body cams they put on a cop who shot a black kid just to make sure he's not jerking it these are the these are the best episodes of impractical jokers i've ever seen they're daring each other to get boob jobs and not jack off all right yeah sal got the least amount of fucking wind so he has to get his dick chopped off he has to get his dick chopped off. Yeah, he has to get his dick turned into a pussy. He has to put ointment on it.

Dude, we're going to get Murph's asshole enlarged. Dude, you have to get fucked in your ass under the 59th Street Bridge and smoke crack. He's like, oh, guys, come on. They're all laughing in the back, holding each other. Man, yeah. Yeah. This Doyle Brunson guy, I want to read his book

because apparently he wrote the end-all, be-all book on how to get good at poker. Doyle Brunson. Yeah, he has that story. Great name. He has that story. He's the old guy with the cowboy hat. He has that story Joey told me

where they like they were like interviewing him for like a maxim or something and they go what's your favorite poker memory and he goes i remember i was at a place uh in el paso 1971 it was back out of place you curse and a mexican fella came in and uh blew the head off a guy said next to me we all ran out in the creek and the water was so damn cold he goes anyway what's the question and they go what was your best memory of playing poker is watching a guy get butchered he goes if i lose this bet i'll refer to black people as black people for a year doyle he's crazy he lost a bet where he couldn't say slurs for a year

damn boy almost lost his day doyle's crazy should have just gotten the tits he'll do the tits he won't jack off but he won't he won't say no to the slurs yeah he's like i can't i can't abide by that you can't take away my air the very air i breathe no sir yeah you take away my zest for life what i got left you take away a man's soul do you you take away the music in his heart you know where man's will to live plato said there's three pillars to a good life there's there's the intellectual said there's three pillars to a good life. There's the intellectual pursuit, there's the physical pursuit, and then there's your slurs.

It's like a tabletop. It falls over. Can't say no slurs no more. And of course you know the specific slur I'm talking about. I'm talking about the one in particular. I'm talking about swamp donkeys. Everybody's like, what the hell does that mean?

He goes, of course, I'm referring to diner monkey. Stupid Greeks and their damn diners. It's the one he just hates Greeks. He's like, why are they so damn hairy? I can't stand it. When I see their big forearms walking around. We did that one time. We were trying to think of words that sounded like slurs but weren't.

I think the one we came up with was swamp donkey. We're like, that sounds rough. And then like water chestnut. Yeah. A bunch of fucking water chestnuts. Water chestnut has always kind of sounded like, yeah, it's a bit rough. Yeah, I think we've just been taken off of YouTube for saying that. Just swamp donkey? If you just say things with a stank on it, YouTube goes, yeah, I think we've just been taken off of YouTube for saying that. Just swamp donkey.

If you just say things with a stank on it, YouTube goes, yeah, I don't know about that. Their algorithm can, their AI system can detect it. I'm detecting stank. It's going up at the end. At the end of words. Yeah. YouTube calls us and they go, what is that slur about? And we're like, the Chinese.

And they're like, all right. They go to a big chart that says slurs you can still say and they just mark it on the list we just go into youtube hr they call us in they're like hmm so the titty thing that was funny with the big tits but swamp donkey yeah i don't i don't know then we bring out our producers that lady who shot up youtube headquarters that persian lady with her eyes like she's so intense what did she die by gunfire did they let her go i think she she shot nobody and then killed herself she was like my work here is done yeah she went and shot nobody filmed an asmr video and then killed herself

so she did the wild wild west thing where she just shot through everybody's coat. Basically. Yeah. They just chalked it up. It was like another day of like, ah, she's nagging us again. She's just shooting in the air. Everyone's like, she's basically shooting blanks. If you think about it, she's not going to hit any of us.

She comes in every day. People just keep typing. Yeah. I got to say, I need three feet away. It's fine. Just walk right through people turn and just go and then just put like uh like cotton balls in their ear and then keep going back to typing she's just firing wildly right blows up a state where they just put up reaching the desk put anyone back in the place anyway back to making sure they're still child porn on youtube but then but then one day a man

walks in with a gun they all duck under the desk that's all it takes they're like horrified women should be allowed to open carry because they're not as good of shots yeah i think that should be a law passed a woman should be allowed to open carry. They're not a good aim. Right. They should be able to carry anywhere. Hospitals, schools, YouTube headquarters, anywhere. You're the weird progressive where you're like,

they should be able to open carry and not be allowed to drive. I think that's what we take something off the tail, we put something back on the end. Well, that is the craziest thing about that story. It's like, who drove her? She'd been trying to shoot it up for years, but she kept hitting a curb and just getting a flat on the way there. The whole year prior was just her trying to park like Meadow Soprano, and then she'd just give up and drive back home.

Like, I'll get them tomorrow. You're the office closest for the day. Well, she's just Austin Powers-ing it back and forth. Getting stuck. Her defense is she was on her period. That's the legal defense she's going with. She started her period. If she didn't die, I think it could have been.

Yeah, she walked into the YouTube headquarters and adjusted the thermostat by two degrees and then locked and loaded. What was Lorena Bobbitt's defense? She got off kind of easy, didn't she? Yeah, I think she was just like, yeah, my husband's kind of like a harsh vibe. There's like docs about her and they're just kind of like... What did she get? I don't think enough.

Not enough. In her defense, her husband was a Scorpio. And guys, we finally tricked everyone. This is an astrology podcast. Now let's finally get into it, now that we have the audience. Our Patreon suddenly doubles. Your Honor, it was a cancer rising moon. I had to cut his dick off and throw it in a big field.

I'm a Virgo. It's in my nature. Yeah. Well, that's funny because she cut his dick off and then she drove and threw it in a big grass field, right? Yeah. And they found it later. They got bloodhounds out or something. Like it was Shawshank Redemption.

They're holding his nuts up to the the basset hounds he's like old-timey 1940s sheriffs being like come on jango we're gonna go find that i don't know why i thought of that name for the dog no it's fine yeah they would name it something it's they like we name our dogs after a slave's name. Yeah. He just finds the dick and starts chewing on it. They have to pull it out of his... Yeah, he swallows the dick and they have to cut his stomach open and reach it to the bass hound's belly.

They immediately shoot the dog open. And then cut it open. No, no, no. You know what's better? They have to wait three days for the dog to shit out the dick. And then they're rummaging through the shit. They attach it back to him, cover it in the dog's shit. Here, everybody says I don't play fetch with Gracie.

There you go. Gracie is fetch. And they fuck up and just sew his shit, just a pure shit onto his dick nub. A big turd right above his balls. A big obvious turd. And then they just drill a hole through the turd. As is urethra. Sculpted a little bit at the end.

Or it could be uncut. I don't know what his penis was. Put a little hood on it. You guys are circumcised, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, same here. You know, we got fucked. Put a little hood on it. You guys are circumcised, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, same here. You know, we got fucked by that, by the way. Yeah, apparently it kills your sensitivity, right?

I've heard, yeah, we could be coming way harder if we had the flap. And women come harder because of uncircumcised dicks, too. That's how guys, I'm pretty sure, come a lot, over and over. Where guys can keep doing i came and then five minutes later i kept coming yeah those guys because it's got a bun it's got like a what do you mean it's got a bun it's got a it's just got padding yeah you ever seen you know you ever seen it it also sure you've seen one of those yeah but i'm very confused by it it's ugly but i mean it's it's it's not supposed to be.

It gets hard and just comes back, right? Yeah. It's like a car with the hood that comes back, like a convertible or something. It's just got a squeegee attached to it. A squeegee? Yeah, we cut them off because we're like, oh, it's dirty. Right. Or whatever.

Oh, because dirt can get inside of it? It's just because some racist woman saw her kid's dick and it was like kind of black and she was like we gotta cut these off she's like i can see the insides wider let's cut the let's cut the little wrapper on it i like when the dickhead looks like a you know the helmet of like an ss officer i mean it is funny that like you like if you if you see like like we were in high school you'd see like a one there'd be one kid who wasn't circumcised you'd be like look at this freak and it's like just because he hasn't had part of his dick cut off yeah meanwhile he's like satisfying the teacher he's seven he's been banging the shit out of her for years she's like that's the only guy that ever makes me cum is this seven-year-old

in my class yeah i don't even need a lube for this guy he's got natural fucking foreskin sweat remember seeing the kid with pubes for the first time being like this kid's some sort of freak yeah i remember some sort of retard or something i don't know what's going on down there remember the early days yeah were're like nice pubes dumbass he's got a huge dick just walking around nice huge dick loser fucking moron we had we had that and we had like a couple kids who had like fucking micro penises yeah oh yeah i saw a few of those yeah you felt you always felt terrible for those guys. That's awful.

Yeah. It's like, how do you tell a kid to kill himself? Yeah. You turn into McConaughey in True Detective. You go, you have a very small penis. If you have the opportunity, you should take your own life. If I had a micro penis, I think I would do the cock sock thing. I think I would walk around with a sock on my cock.

Like after basketball practice? Or I would do like a prosthetic thing with like a string around it like uh one of those fake uh noses people were with the strings around it and i put you have a whole thing over my micropenis twist off your string tied around your ass tied around to my asshole with a bow like little like yo-yo string just tied around you'd tuck it and do the fucking well i do makeup to blend it into my skin i do makeup to to blend it in and then uh you would have to have fake pubes that you use like elmer's glue to put the pubes on to cover up and then it just totally doesn't look it doesn't look like your penis at all you spending like you're like like harryhausen doing like great special effects for three hours every morning it takes me three

or four hours every morning before i go to school yeah you get undressed in the locker room it's like oh my god doing all this work just in case i get pants and then you go you go into the shower and then it just all falls off and washes down the drain but it's legitimately like it's like a three foot long penis like it's dragging across the floor it's like legitimately insane you're stepping on it and it snaps off you're like oh my dick broke off i guess this is my my dick underneath it now people what do you do when you actually have to pee during the day i'm like i just pee into it and it just slowly fills up with pee throughout the day like a water balloon on a hose it just gets up and the bottom of one of your foot looks like it does a big tumor on it this is so stupid we pants what a retarded show

sorry what were you saying that was the smartest we've ever done that's the most brilliant most brilliant thing we've ever talked about knowing knowing this podcast because anytime we say something about the podcast people immediately refute it like fucking cormac McCarthy will reach out and be like when you did the fake penis bit I realized that I was a fraud no where were you

gonna say about pants in a kid we pants the kid one time and he we all great by the way I was the best I used to be so afraid of wearing basketball shirts like all day you guys gonna everyone's gonna pants me they're gonna see my fucking pathetic dick and they're all gonna then no i don't i can't come that my cum's invisible how old i'm talking fucking you know nine through twelve right when some kids have developed but you have not yeah yeah yep some kids have and you're like fuck dude

i remember when like all my friends would talk about cum and i started jacking off and i i was like well nothing came out but i felt good and for like two years i was having like an existential crisis yeah i'd look in the mirror be like come on i'm like hitting myself i'm like come you call you call yourself a man i'm like god damn it i'm like my asian friends are talking about i was like my asian come it's creamy they say you're slapping yourself I'm like fuck come on keep it together

we pantsed a kid and he had the curved dick oh really oh wow curved and we all made fun of him saying he had a curved dick but uh

I think now he has to fuck like this I think it helps I think it hits something yeah cause you just turn your body like this and then now you're going up I think the

I think the curved penises are working. They're good. You have to understand 3D models if you have a curved dick to be able to fuck good. Yeah. No, they work better. Right. They hit like a thing. It's like a pinball machine.

They hit like the back corner, and then the thing opens up. Yeah, they hit like the back corner that hasn't been touched since like 1982. Right, and then the entire vagina like lights up like a carnival ride. It is. It's like kicking the side of the pinball machine to get it from the alley. And then Homer Simpson's mouth opens up and like eight other pinballs come out of it.

And I've heard that they're curved because you jack off too much. Oh, is that real? You jack off with one hand and you gotta jack off with both hands to even out curvature. It's like dead lifting with the same grip over and over. Exactly, exactly, Jace. Anyway. Is that is that where you're why are some penises curved let's let's get into it

this is just like rogan we're on a mayo clinic.org we're rogan but we're just interviewing local perverts so you went to jail for like eight years for walking around with a little mirror on your shoes that's wild man a guy who puts a little mirror on your shoes. That's wild, man. A guy who puts a little mirror on the top of his shoe. You should have stand up, man. Dude, you fit right into the comedy store. You tell me you look up girls' dresses? Oh my God, man.

You're like a sexual predator, man. You should do comedy, man. It says here the causes. So symptoms here penis cause this is by it's funny that the doctor typed all this sure when you become sexually aroused blood flows into sponge-like spaces inside your penis expanding and stiffening it yeah a bent penis generally occurs when these spaces don't expand evenly. Most often, this is due to normal differences in penis anatomy. But sometimes scar tissue or another problem causes a bent penis and painful erections.

Possibly underlying causes of bent penis include Peorny's disease, which is a curved erection caused by one of a number of underlying conditions. We're about to figure out what that is. Injury to the penis. You can break your penis. I had a friend, his girlfriend broke his penis. What happened? He had to go to the emergency room. She was doing something crazy on him.

She was doing like one of those things where she's like backwards. Sure. Reverse cowgirl. Yeah, it's just something that I couldn't even comprehend. You're like some ungodly act. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was on top. I can't even fathom it. Like, what a whore.

He had to go to the ER to get his penis fixed, though. Jesus. And then autoimmune disorders, inherited fibrous tissue collagen abnormality. This is the problem with medical diagnosis. You just say, like, you're a weird little fuck. Yeah, treatments include killing yourself. Treatments include not being a weird little fuck. No, it's a symptom of being a freak, frankly.

You're a freak. The doctor just goes, man, what a fag. It's actually caused when you have gay fantasies, you gay boy. You're a gay little boy. Yeah, apparently there's a non-cancerous condition resulting from fiber scar tissue that develops on the penis and causes curved, painful erections. Yeah. What are you going to do?

Yeah, what are you going to do? My penis has a slight curve. Yeah, I think we all have a slight little curve. Mine goes at a 90 degree angle mine takes a left hook yeah yours looks like one of those rulers carpenters uses yeah looks like the handle of an old-timey umbrella yeah my penis looks like an l-shaped couch but yeah there we did it We got into a guy That was forced to have tits

And curved dicks Damn It's a very We should have had a blue chew ad This episode Oh yeah Who's our sponsor We don't have a sponsor

This week actually Because people don't sponsor On Christmas On Christmas Everybody's already Blown their wad On fucking dick pills And therapy

I keep forgetting It's almost Christmas Yeah It's the 21st Fuck I gotta like and therapy forgetting it's almost christmas yeah and uh it's a 21st fuck i gotta like start pretending it's christmas soon i gotta like watch bad santa and yeah we were watching that i just watched it and i watched home alone dude so there's this one line in it i fucking forgot about where do you know the line where he he comes in drunk into the ball and he looks up at all the donkeys that are dressed up like with the sombreros and

the blank you know what I'm about to say I think so yeah he's drunk and he falls and he looks up at the donkey and he he looked you know what he says just say I'm gonna have to bleep it out if I say okay he says like a real thing yeah yeah yeah he looks up at the donkey says you fucking at the donkey because it's mexican oh he calls it a best word oh he does yeah that's in the unrated that's not i watched the director's cut i watched the director's cut that's the director's cut it seemed it seemed like even then if i was on set i'd be like all right time out yeah time out yeah he does he's not racist. That's pretty funny.

They should have kept that in, actually. That's all he says, and he punches the donkey's head off. My favorite is when the Indian guy attacks him in the parking lot. He's like, we kicked your ass in Vietnam. The guy from Office Space. Yeah. I am not gay. I'm not gay.

There was a funny moment. Because we had been at a Christmas party party here and I came with my girlfriend. And then we like, we finally got up to leave and Ben's playing Bad Santa. And I'm like, I said goodbye to everybody. My girlfriend said goodbye to everybody. And he's like, Ben's like, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And then he fast forward to the part where it's Thurman Merman's first scene. It's just him walking past the skater kids and they're like,

what's up, fat ass? What's up, fucking retard? What's up, you fucking loser fag? Thurman Merman's just walking like this. And he throws the can at his head. Yeah, he hits him in the back of the head with like a soda. And Thurman Merman keeps walking. Ben is laughing so hard, he's almost

throwing up. Ben's on all fours. I throw up in the fireplace and ruin the party. Yeah, and it starts sizzling and cooking. And we walk, where I was like, okay, bye. And I walk outside, my girlfriend's like, why has Ben obsessed with fat, retarded people? And I go, you know, it's just the way we were raised. You walk... And I go, you know, it's just the way we were raised.

You are. The way we were raised. Yeah, I got to make up some lines. Mike Pitt was molested by a fat, retarded boy. So this is his vengeance. I saw the whale, by the way, Benjamin. I saw the whale. I don't want to, you know, because I'm sure the pod, it's enough of the whale. No, people like the whale.

They like the whale and stuff? People like the whale. I liked it. I liked it a lot. Everyone hates it it is being you know what i saw those twitter retards all these retards on twitter trying everyone like you said you had a perfect take you're like we ruined good art because everyone has to have a hot take immediately and everything and it was all it's all these takes that are actually um they're they're unrealistic because they're pretending a guy like this doesn't exist.

So they're saying it's like a cartoon. But I'm like, okay, you're actually being... You're erasing him. You're diminishing that guy's experience by saying, oh, it's just a clown cartoonish movie. He wouldn't choke on a sandwich. Here's another thing. A lot of the people that had hot takes on it being bad, they're fat as shit. Yeah. It was people tweeting that with

a mozzarella stick. Like a stylist. It's people that have... They pull a mozzarella stick out of the back of their phone and start typing. Yeah. They tweet it and then they eat their phone. Yeah. People with chocolate phones hate that movie. Sorry, what were you going to say?

Oh, no, just that it's unfortunate. I saw those takes and I'm like, I went into the movie knowing nothing other than that you are obsessed with it. And I thought kind of the way you liked it was that it was very cartoonish. No, it's a beautiful... It's morbid.

Morbid, but it's an incredible meditation on this guy exists. People like that out there. You've never seen that story been told. You've never seen a guy ever care enough to tell that guy's story. And just simply because they had a few scenes of him stuffing his fat fucking face which is the reality of his life. People on Twitter that sit around stuffing their fat

fucking face have to hate it because they're a little triggered. They're a little triggered by it. Well I forget what I texted you but it was something like because of hot. Wait what's so funny? Nothing. I'm just laughing. I'm just having a good time I texted

that all the hot takes on Twitter it's ruined so much good art because people are waiting to the take model is this I think I said to have a hot take usually what goes viral the most is it's something that's very negative but it's also

morally sound so it's very it's weird because it's very very hateful this thing sucks you really shouldn't see it it's awful but for a good cause people go yeah and they feel vindicated and they hit retweet but it's never really an artistic takedown of the thing it's it's it's usually tied into some sort of social issue and if that's how you get the most attention i think you start to confuse the attention with you you having the best opinion it's just ruining it's like just go don't listen to people on twitter who have a great take on this movie just go see it and either if you like it great if you don't don't but you've confused points with morality yeah yeah yeah you've points of contention is not these are the

same people that were on twitter that like when the joker came out they were like i mean this is the greatest scene in movie history there's never been a movie like joker like they see taxi driver and they think taxi driver Driver's ripping off Joker. We were talking about this the other day but you know film criticism has gone so bad that the like the discussing film Twitter accounts will be like one of the best shots I've ever seen and it's like Ant-Man versus

the Wasp. Yeah. It's when all the Avengers are coming together for that meme thing. Yeah. Great cinematography. It's a green screen. Your favorite movie's a video game loading scene. You're in retard. Yeah, they're watching someone play Grand Theft Auto

and they think it's a movie. They think it's Taxi Driver. Dude, my favorite character in movie history is Nico Bellic from GTA 4. I assumed it was GTA 4. It was amazing. It blew me away. It was like the final days of Marlon Brando.

It's like a Tennessee Williams play. Instead of Stella, it's like, Extra Ranch! It's Nutella. Nutella! Stella Nutella Nutella Stella Nutella Yeah It's not raining on him he's just that sweaty Yeah

A streetcar named Fudge Do you think the Asian lady's a feeder Sorry what were you saying Do you think she's a feeder in the movie the Asian lady She is a feeder I thought she was just like I've had it with It's like he's Thank you. Sorry, what were you saying? Do you think she's a feeder in the movie, the Asian lady? She is a feeder. Yeah. I thought she was just like, I've had it with, it's like, he's, it's just what I did. He needs, he's gonna, he's gonna eat it anyway.

I'm just gonna fucking give him his food. Yeah, you're resigned to someone's final will and testament, essentially. I mean, he's refusing to go to the hospital and shit the whole movie. But it's like, at the same time, anyone could have just called an ambulance. Yeah, they could have like 51 50 to him or something he gives a shit what his wishes are they could have lured him out of the house with like a like a jimmy johns like on a fishing rod like they could have they could have just reeled it in until they got into the ambulance give him too much almond joy and then he'll pass out and then you just crane him out of the apartment yeah just shoot it in with a shoot candy with a potato gun down his mouth just like load it up with hairspray and fire it down his mouth he'll go to bed yeah and then just roll him down the stairs yeah set up the machine homer when

he's in hell eating all the donuts until he has like a diabetic coma and then fucking i didn't understand why the the pizza delivery guy that keeps wanting to like talk to him when he finally sees him. He's like so horrified. I'm like, dude, you've never seen a fat fuck in America before. You're a pizza delivery man. That was a little annoying. The real version of that scene is the guy sees me.

He goes, oh, you're so much thinner than I thought you were. You're like one of my thinnest repeating customers. Ben, I used to deliver to a guy like that. Did you ever deliver to a guy like that when you did Postmates and shit I delivered to a guy that would always And I saw him one time come pick it up I sat in my car for a little bit Just to get a look at this

With a loaded rifle on him So you were camping I was camping You were in a ghillie suit In a bush I dressed up like a cheeseburger You had to dress up like a piece of broccoli so he wouldn't look at you.

Yeah, I saw him. I saw him waddle out and take his food and shit. It's always funny when the fat fucks get like high quality fatty food. Yeah, yeah. It's like scallops. Yeah, you're eating scallops.

But it's like, come on. Yeah, yeah. Just get McDonald's. Have fun. Save a little money. You gotta have some healthcare money. You worthless piece of shit. Because that is what a lot of people who struggle with eating do.

They'll wake up and they'll have like an oatmeal a nice salad a chicken breast and broccoli and then 11 p.m they'll post made 20 000 calories worth of mcdonald's yeah by 3 a.m they're just putting a gun in their mouth and just firing into their stomach yeah they're loading a fucking dipping the revolver into a chocolate fountain and then just firing it. Loading a Kit Kat into a gun and then blowing their brains out. I thought it was a great movie and then I immediately saw the Twitter discourse and I was like, oh, it's going to be one of those. Yeah. How is this something to make fun of just because you keep seeing the same screenshot

on Twitter? That's the thing. My thing was more a discussion of the film, but people are like, it's this. It is like that's what that guy's like. If you make a movie about him most of his his life is eating are we pretending this isn't in the cut there's we watch mukbang like what are people pretending this guy doesn't exist this guy of course exists yeah he's just the only guy not making money doing it yeah it's like if you made a movie about a heroin addict you're like hey don't show him shooting heroin it's a

little disrespectful it's a little disrespectful. It's a little cartoonish. He's addicted to heroin. He doesn't shoot heroin, okay? Oh, the baby dies? Oh, yeah. We all know heroin addicts who killed their baby. Yeah.

No, in Trainspotting, the baby's crawling on the ceiling. It's like a fucking cartoon. It's like Willy Wonka or some shit. They did the same thing with avatar i saw a bunch of people being like we're there's like a bunch of people being like we're boycotting avatar james cameron said some bad stuff about the loki people and i'm like they're well first off they're blue aliens they're not native americans you're standing before the angry mob you're like they're blue aliens They all have pitchforks. I'm standing on tribal ground.

A bunch of people are about to throw spears at me. I go, they're blue aliens. They're nine feet tall, and they're hot. They're hot, hot, hot. They all kill you immediately. Yeah, they're stabbing you with pitchforks. They're stabbing me. I go, no way, you haven't seen the porn.

They made such great porn about them. They all look like they go to UC Santa Barbara and they're hot. James Cameron got in trouble for being racist against his own characters? There's like an interview, somebody dug up an interview from 1996 where he's like talking about the Native Americans,

like the, is it Loki? Loki Indians? Like the Loki Indians, yeah. And he was like he said he's just like yeah you know they're fucking whatever i didn't even i didn't even read it it was just but okay so everyone boycotted the i mean i heard the new movie's like worthless i heard it's awful oh really i heard people i heard people liking it oh really but you can never tell honestly who knows anymore but that's the thing is people take the hot take and then they just repeat that at Christmas

dinner. And they're like, well, I felt like it was, you know, I've read reviews. It's very, meaning they saw a tweet. Yeah. No one has their own. No one has their own opinion. No one has their own opinion on anything. And it's because they're all fat as shit.

This is the real issue. That's really the issue. Everyone's fat as fuck. And it triggered, it triggered them. And also. We're talking about the whale again. The whale. That's a fuck avatar. We already killed about the whale again. The whale. Fuck Avatar.

We already killed all the Native Americans. Get over it. All right, enough. Get over it. You're pining for the days of the natives? What, are you kidding me? Right. You don't like cities?

Can you shut the fuck up? Devin has some words for the Native American community. How about this, natives? How about quitchabitch How about quit your bitching? Quit your bitching. Quit your bitching. All right, I've seen you. You got great work, okay?

I hear there's a lot of Wendy's throughout the country I've been to, and you guys are working at them, and that seems good to me. And you get paid. You're sitting around smoking. You're getting government cheese, smoking dope. There we go. Right? Uncle Dev's taking him to task.

No, I'm also, I'm 0.3% Loki. That's right. What's funny is there are like 300 people watching this and they're like, finally. Finally. I hate that. Hey, it was horrible what we did, but are you kidding me?

Like, you wouldn't, come on. Who the hell's we? Who's we? I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Enough. Enough. Enough.

I just came here. I just came here on a raft. I just got here. I got here. I got here the same way everyone did, like Elian Gonzalez. In a duffel bag in the trunk of a car. But that's why everyone hates the whale Or whatever Also we want to be him What a way to go out

I'd love to go out eating fucking Eating pizzas on top of pizzas I never felt bad for drug addicts that die Because I go oh so you got to feel really good All the time and then you died Same with eating My uncle Stan got diabetes And when I was growing up

I wanted diabetes Because when he got diabetes He and when I was growing up, I wanted diabetes because when he got diabetes, he would eat Snickers bars to be like, he was like, oh, my diabetes is acting up. He'd like, my sugar's low. Yeah, because he's got low blood sugar. Low blood sugar, and then he'd eat a candy bar. So I was like, God, I can't wait to get that because it's like I can eat candy, and then I get this thing, and then I have to eat candy.

I'm a literal retard. If your blood sugar's low, diabetes makes your blood sugar low, and then you have to eat. It I have to eat candy. I'm a literal retard. If your blood sugar is low, diabetes makes your blood sugar low and then you have to eat. It fucks up your insulin. I don't ask questions. I've never understood it. So if you eat too much candy, you have to keep eating it to survive? I don't know. Apparently it's a disease where it's like you have to now live on milkshakes.

So you're detoxing. You're detoxing from sugar essentially and you go, oh God, I got to eat a Twix but I'm going to die. I guess it's kind of like it's a part of you now. and you go, oh, God, I got to eat a Twix bar. I'm going to die. I guess it's kind of like it's a part of you now. Yeah, it's like if you don't eat candy, you start shaking,

and they have to put blankets on you, like walk hard. Hand me a square of chocolate. I think I'm going down for the cat boys. You're tying a belt around your neck so you can eat. I'm just licking an M&M. Well. I'm just licking an M&M. Well, that is the tough thing about, like, recoveries. They're basically like, hey, here's the thing.

It's like your addiction makes you feel so good, but the problem is it'll kill you. And then you'll get sweet release from the misery that is being alive. So it's really you're battling against, like, the old. It's the way to live your life, really. Yeah. It's to dive into something until you don't have to exist anymore. Exactly.

You don't have to go through all this bullshit. Didn't that gay-ass retard Charles Bukowski said that? What did he do? He said, he goes, find something you love and then let it kill you. Yeah. But I mean. I mean.

Oh, by the way, all these feminist fucks and all these people online that have a problem with fucking everything fun they all have Charles Bukowski quotes on their tumblr and Charles Bukowski is like on YouTube

just like beating the shit out of his wife in the middle of interviews and nobody cares he just like yeah he's just fucking he would wake up in the morning and just have to give

some woman a black eye yeah there's videos of him throwing a woman inside of a grand piano and then banging away at the keys and he kicks ass yeah he would wake up every day and throw a woman out of an apartment building window and then he said a time where he goes women are a mystery a mystery to man and

women even to women clanging away no there's that interview of him like it is like malibu his wife in the middle of the interview but he's it's preced interview of him like in his like Malibu home he's kicking his wife in the middle of the interview but it's preceded by him going like you know we're like a bird in a cage who doesn't realize

it's a cage and he's like you cut you fucking cut and he kicks his wife yep like in the ribs and we all love him

can't cancel him yeah he's a gay ass retard and he also slept on on the steps of the public library when he was homeless really that's don't be such a romantic dipshit that you slept on the steps of the public library when he was homeless.

Really? Don't be such a romantic dipshit that you sleep on the steps of the public library. I can't take advice from anybody who worked for the post office for 30 years. Yeah, exactly. It's like you're this great intellectual, but you kept working at the post office. Where the freaks work. Yeah. It's for freaks. It's for freaks. If you look at the post office you're free we get it you liked your booze wikowski did you like a cigarette oh it's so fucking edgy oh that's

very edgy well your face looks like gum your face looks like trench warfare took place on it your face looks like the battle of gallipoli. Your face has barbed wire in it. I'm kidding. I love Bukowski. He's honestly one of the only people I can read because he's so misogynistic. I hate the book, but I love

what he says about women. Yeah, no. I just think it's funny. He had a bunch of scabs on his body. Yeah, I don't read funny he had a bunch of scabs on his body yeah i don't read people that have a bunch of scabs i read people that have nice smooth skin like a baby's you like hot writers yeah i like i like autistic people that don't leave their house and just write on a typewriter all day i don't want a writer who's lived some epic life to talk about it i don't like hunter s thompson really and i know you're not supposed to say that if you're a podcaster because who's lived some epic life to talk about it. I don't like Hunter S. Thompson, really.

And I know you're not supposed to say that if you're a podcaster because I never heard a podcaster say anything negative about him. No, you're not allowed to do any of that. Yeah, they're like, I love Hunter S. Thompson. I love the books he did with Johnny Depp.

They just know him from movies. No one ever really knows what they liked. Yeah, they're like, what's your favorite Hunter S. Thompson book? They're like, when Rogan talked about his daily schedule. When people cool about how great he is they go do you know what his his daily routine was yeah like that's not his body of work right it's not him doing cocaine and drinking orange juice at 7 a.m is not a body of work yeah they're like dude his

schedule is crazy dude he'd fucking he'd fucking do cocaine for nine hours and then he'd write some of the worst literature of all time. I love Hunter S. Thompson from the time that the Hells Angels almost killed him on the Dick Cabot show. Great writer. For being a rat. Great writer. Stop ratting on the Hells Angels. Of course they beat their

wives, fag. One more F-bomb and we might be a Patreon. Oh no Patreon Oh no Oh Oh No Right in the kisser

But I read Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas And I thought it was like okay What's it It's just So I guess that means I don't It doesn't mean I hate him

I just thought it was like What are his books It's just like So then I took these drugs And then they did all the work for me You know what's funny Is I read Norm Macdonald's book His fake memoir book That was great Where he's doing drugs is I read Norm MacDonald's book, his fake memoir book

where he's doing drugs and I thought Norm did a better job than Hunter S. Thompson in terms of writing about being on like Dilaudid and Mescaline and stuff. Yeah. I don't know anything

about Hunter S. Thompson. I just know he's like in the, he's in a great Johnny Depp movie and he's on the cover like, blah. It's like his chin is all long. Yeah, I remember

being in Blockbuster when I was like eight years old and just seeing that cover every time. Yep. This is crazy stuff. I'm like, that guy must be amazing. Johnny Depp, I mean.

Yeah, no. He, I don't know. Johnny Depp seems cool. Johnny Depp seems sick. I love Johnny Depp. I love Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp's cool as fuck. I like Johnny Depp seems cool Johnny Depp seems sick I love Johnny Depp Johnny Depp's cool as fuck I like Johnny Depp I like the way he dresses I think it's cool and relatable

I love guys from Oklahoma that pretend that they've lived in the south of France their whole life You know who I love Devin? What do you love Benjamin? I love guys who are innocent Amber Turd Amber Turd is a liar. Liar. Liar Amber Turd.

Woo hoo. Amber. You know what I heard Amber heard? I heard you're a big hot bitch. I heard you're a big lying whore Amber. I'm so teamed up, I see Amber heard in public, I just whip my cock out and I'm like, hey Amber, Look at this.

It's got a nice bend to it, huh? Look at that, Amber. Huh? That's what you get for making Johnny smell your dog's shit. You fucking lying bitch, huh? Oh, God. Please stop. She's just tasing me over and over.

She's tasing me. I'm squeezing my dick harder and harder until there's a bulbous red tip. Yeah, you get like that electrocution freeze where your muscles tense up and then you squeeze your dick's butt. My dick pops off. I'm mad at myself for going along with you

in this bit right now. Yeah, I hate it. Abby, come in, Abby. pops off. I'm mad at myself for going along with you in this bit right now. Yeah, I hate it. Abby, come in, Abby. It's just funny to get tied up in that trot. It's funny to be super tied up in it. You're really invested in who did what.

Any of it matters. No, it doesn't matter at all. I loved it, though. I was obsessed with it for a month. Oh, but you're a return. You're actually the... Oh, you care about that? You're retarded. Just wait until it happens to you, Ben. There were some funny clips that came out of it.

There was great clips. No, sure. There was a clip of him being like, wait, what did you find in the bed? He's like, it was feces. It was shit and poop. What did you find in the bed It was a shit and poop What did he call it He called it like a droppy drop Her droppings

Her grumpy He said that she dropped a grumpy Amber she's a She's a harsh mistress Amber I don't know about her I don't know And there was just don't know I don't know why I just And there was a lot of questions where they're like

Did you claim that Mr. Depp was doing Cocaine all day and getting his dick sucked While playing guitar and she's like that's right And everybody's just like well that rules Yeah they're all like that kicks ass He's like Guilty as charged Everyone just like crowd surfs them back to his seat

I feel like if you asked him how did he get into role for Pirates of the Caribbean to play a pirate, he'd be like, was I playing a pirate? He had no clue what was happening. I just thought I was being jocky. Because I thought I was on a cruise. They filmed three of them. Whether it was filming my damn cruises. I was wondering why I was wearing this big hat.

Normally I like to wear a hat like, what if an Indian was gay? It was around the time I was filming Rango that Amber tried to kill me with a bazooka. Yeah. He really does dress like a complete idiot. It's very fun. He's one of those guys that has watches on his ankles.

You're like, what? He's got to pretend. He's also one of those actors that has to pretend that anyone gives a shit about their music. He has music? Of course. Every actor at some point pretends that everyone's like they're really famous for their bluegrass like some horseshit john c reilly giant billy

bob john c reilly jeremy renner jeremy renner yeah they're all like no no i'm i don't want to talk about the town i'm here to talk about my shitty bluegrass group full of a bunch of meth heads from my from temecula that i grew up with yeah it's the interviews like we want to talk about that role that changed everyone's life he's like i want to talk about this uh band i forced to play with me you don't know you don't want to hear about my four friends who are desperate for money who i chained myself to for 50 000 a year apiece dude jeremy renner almost like killed his kid on accident really yeah he like grabbed a gun with an argument he like shot his gun in the house and it like went up like through their

kid's room the bullet i remember that yeah is i mean what are you gonna do like went between his legs while he was taking a shit they make you angry you know i mean that kind of rules kind of kicks ass you know yeah i bet he wishes it was a bow and arrow, though. That's right. Because he played the guy that shoots frozen arrows. In what? Frozen River? Didn't he?

He played the green guy. Green Arrow? He played Hawkeye in the Marvel movies. Oh, he's in the Marvels, too? In my head, he's named Green Arrow. No, it's Ben. Because he's green and shoots arrows. Ben, you're being glib.

Ben. no it's hot it's ben because he's green and shoots air ben you're being glib ben if you if you don't know all the marvel superheroes i'm quitting the show he played that's my homework for the week yeah ben you gotta go watch 95 movies they'll turn your brain into goop they played he played the the marksman hawye, who was the guy with the bow and arrow. I would be super, dude, it would suck if I watched four or five Marvel movies and I was like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen. This is my life now. You have to change your entire personality. I'm so sorry.

This is who I am. This is who I was born to be. I'd stop doing the podcast with you. Yeah, if we showed up and Ben's wearing a Hulk shirt, Captain America shirt. If Ben started talking about Thanos, like, you know those guys where every comparison is like, dude, it's like Thanos

with the Infinity Stone. Did you see the first, they just leaked the first picture of Wonder Woman 3. They released a picture, a still from the set. Did you see it today? It's fucking crazy.

I heard it looks like all the other movies. Yeah. They just released one from the first just release they should release one of the ones from like six years ago and no one would fucking know they could just call it the newest one yeah they could just keep putting out the same movie they'd be yeah they'd be walking out they'd be like dude the new thor movie is crazy so there's a point where it really looks like the bad guy's about to win but dude you're not gonna believe it you're not gonna believe it what happens is a tertiary character comes off from the side i've never seen this before in movies it comes up from the side and defeats the hero

yeah and like what's that movie goes i don't know it's a marvel movie but it's smart because like robert downey jr's in it and he's like making a lot of quips. Robert Downey Jr. comes in. He's like Fletch. He's like, really Pepper? Okay, well I'm going to handle that on my own. Okay, anyway Pepper, okay listen. Why don't you let me handle that? Yeah, they're all like catty gay guys. Everyone's just

gay in the movies. And apparently all the guys with all the big buff guys, they're all of dementia, right? What did we talk about last episode? Chris Hemsworth. they're all of dementia, right? What did we talk about last episode? Didn't one of the- Chris Hemsworth. Chris Hemsworth, yeah. From doing the movies.

They're all shitting themselves because they made themselves retarded for making awful art. They talked to a tennis ball for seven years and now they're retarded. Exactly. That's what happens. That's what you get. That's what you get for ruining art. Yeah, you get what you fucking deserve. Now you have a bomb in your skull.

Congrats. Congrats. With a 20-year timer on it. Yeah, that's your contribution to the culture. It's just doing steroids, you know? Yeah. By the way, the McDonald's is going to be here in 12 minutes. Oh, man.

God damn it. We're really doing this mukbang thing? On the Patreon, I think. we're almost at an hour here or I could try to ruin the end of this episode who knows what's the public buddy that's true you never know this next one might be fucking amazing or it might just be us

eating burgers for 35 minutes it'll be us eating burgers for 35 minutes and be like I don't feel pretty shitty. But listen, we got a new camera with a wide lens on it. I've been playing with the lighting. I got crazy wash lights from Guitar Center. We got key lighting front and back. And we want to celebrate the new year and Christmas.

The holiday season, people call it. Because this is coming out on the 27th. 7th? Yeah. And we're pre-recording, obviously, because we're not going to record on Christmas, to put it that way. Yeah. Because this is coming out on like the 27th. 7th? Yeah. Yeah. And we're pre-recording obviously because we're not going to record on Christmas to put it in that video.

Yeah, we have good lives unlike you freaks. Kidding me? Now that they got the camera and the table it's no longer cringe. Jesus Christ. Oh, Jason.

No, no. I'm sorry. I spilled my liquor. Pretty cringe. Yeah, pretty cringe. Honestly, like when the video was, like, blurry, and I couldn't see three men, three grown men, it was, like, cringe.

I saw, you know what went viral on Twitter was that video of Trey Parker doing Chinese voice. Yeah, that was great. It had, like, two million views, and every comment under it was every Zoomer that's ever lived going, well, honestly, don't know who this guy is, but super cringe. This is maybe the, this is cringy AF. And if you fuck with this, please get out of my town.

There's people going, this guy definitely never went to Mark Twain Award. And they've contributed nothing. Oh, they've done nothing. They have no respect for South Park or Trey. Who's the biggest Zoomer artist? Timothy Chalamet, they've done nothing. They have no respect for South Park or Trey. Who's the biggest Zoomer artist? Timothy Chalamet, I guess. Okay. He does what other people wrote for him.

Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Moving on. I win. He probably is going to have a band very soon. Checkmate, Devin. Check and mate. You know what he's probably going to do? I foresee him becoming a DJ. Timothy Chalamet? Yeah, doing DJs. It's like, dude, we were at the thing last night in France, yeah doing djs like he's in france it's like dude we were at the thing last night in france and timothy chalmers like dj it's crazy look at my

look at this blurry video he's incredibly talented this is right before i got sex traffic yeah dude jimmy chow may he was djing and then he shot he shot up the whole crowd yeah timothy chalmé goes hard gary bucey he gets in a motorcycle accident his brain breaks zoomers shitting on trey parker and matt stone it's like hey you'll find them a lot funnier when you're drafted how about that have fun fighting for us retards against the chinese they're gonna kick your ass yeah you better hurry up and make those feet flat you little sack of shit with zero artistic taste. You're going to be fighting Chinese people in mech suits.

That's not cringe. They just have a big keyboard in front of them. On one side it says based and one side it says cringe. Yeah, cringe. Cringe. Cringe. Yeah, another one that says cap, no cap. I guess, yeah, they're not allowed to say base because base is more of a right thing.

So they would say cap. It's a paralyzed TikTok guy whose computer just says cap or no cap. They're like, Timothy, would you like to eat applesauce? He goes, cap. Cap. Cap. Cap. No cap. Timothy, do your bed sores hurt?

No cap. source here no can't uh i've run into people who have said that like people i know like my sure like south park is like doesn't hold up now yeah that's wrong because like the racism and sexism and stuff i've literally like ran into people like at parties and stuff and they're like they like made a joke about south park and i was like everybody laughed i go would we not like likes like do we not respect south park you gotta be kidding me man i go they put out 25 years of amazing comedy people like i mean some of this stuff's funny but you look back and it's just like you know it was of the time yeah you just and i'm like all of the time you mean good art and like very funny you just like enjoy you like enjoy yourself yeah it's like a release

when you watch it you're like what a great commentary and everything i like to ignore those feelings as they were saying starving marvin yeah an episode i would be assembling an assault rifle as they're saying that the party like screwing in a cylinder putting the silencer on why steven paddock did it like the cia agents he was talking to were like south park's like pretty like reductive and he's like you know what I'm gonna kill everybody you know what I should

do I should buy 500 guns I have no respect for that opinion you're a worthless idiot yeah it doesn't it makes you want to buy a bump stock it doesn't get us kicked off YouTube

what does that mean it's a type of gun it's the stock it's a stock that when you fire a weapon the recoil of it allows you to pull the trigger again yeah quickly so you can go Does that mean? It's a type of gun. It's the stock that when you fire a weapon, the recoil of it allows you to pull the trigger again more quickly. So you can be opt. Right.

No, I mean, I'm right there with you. I've been trying to figure out how to get a Gatling gun hooked up to the front of my door. Like Walter White? Yeah, like how stagecoaches had Gatling guns or like tanks. You can just shoot, but you're inside. Nobody can hit you. I want to get that from my front door. Like Walter White? Yeah, like how stagecoaches had Gatling guns or like tanks, you know, and you could just shoot, but you're inside,

nobody can hit you. I want to get that from my front door. Just in case this gets bigger, more people hate South Park and they're all just wandering the streets and I can just take them out. Well, boys, I guess... Anyway. Merry Christmas, folks.

You know what the lesson is here is that life just passes you by and becomes really gay. Yeah. And then you just become a guy at the park. What's the new South Park? Rick and Morty? They're like, I actually, Rick and Morty, pickle Rick. When he's a pickle.

And you know how there's like no commentary on anything and it's like not that funny after season two and they made like three more seasons and then they hired a bunch of retards that just like did open mics for three weeks? Remember that? They literally did that. They literally did that. They ruined their show. When we figured out, they're like, who did they hire? No, holy shit.

That was a good show. No, Rick and Morty's great because like my cousin that can name every butterfly in North America loves it. Who works at El Pollo Loco. I've seen people online even be like it's it's it really is like when you become a boomer because i've seen people be like like they're like 19 they're like that episode of tuka and birdie changed my life dude i watched an episode of that a tuka and birdie i did yeah how was it it's one of the worst things i've ever seen

yeah it's ali wong and tiffany addish and i mean yeah they're like they're birds or something they're like birds and sure ali wong is or tiffany's dating a tree yeah and every episode is about like okay episode one is about or one of these episodes is about tiffany gets your period as a bird yeah but she's a woman sure forget the fact that she's a bird for a second we're focusing on the fact that she's a female she has a pussy who happens to be a bird she's a cloaca technically so i don't even know if they get a i don't know if they bleed piss and shit out of the same hole but anyway she gets your period and uh the whole episode kind of is about how men don't under like doctors will lie to you about like you know the whole thing is that doctors are less likely to give black people pain medication but they're more likely to give white

people pain medication because they're more inclined to feel empathy for white people over black people i think there's also a thing amongst the black community that if you if you try to tell a doctor you're like sick or in pain or anything like that like the doctor won't believe you and also that men in general don't believe women when they say they're in a great amount of pain with their period and stuff so the whole episode was kind of about how she got her period and people don't believe how much it sucks yeah because it's the patriarchy is kind of giving her a period that's kind of insinuated. So people are walking around and they go, well, I don't believe you because you're a bird.

What about that? And by the way, her boyfriend's a tree. Boyfriend's literally a tree. Tiffany Haddish's boyfriend in the show? Yeah, in the show is a tree. And in the show, do they both try and get a kid to do a child pornography sketch and then the tree is played by aries spears and then do they try and have the kid beat covid with turpentine and then did she do that yeah and then is ali wong is she pregnant throughout the whole show ali wong can't be funny unless she has a fetus writing for her I don't even know why I'm doing it

Ali Wong's fine whatever just stop being pregnant I mean she's just annoying stop reproducing we get it stupid big belly on stage and I'd be like that's amazing that she can walk back and forth and talk imagine if you also got the hormones going because you're a big pregnant lady she got morning sickness from watching her last special

yeah the baby tried to like hang itself in the womb because you're a big pregnant lady. She got morning sickness from watching her last special. Yeah, the baby tried to hang itself in the womb. That's so mean. Guys, I don't know what we're saying. We all are huge Ali Wong fans here. Jace, you went too far. No, come on. Dev and Jace admit, we're all big Ali Wong fans. No, I'm kidding.

We're huge Ali Wong fans. It's just what Tuca and Birdie inspires. I love that show. I what Tuca and Birdie inspires. I love that show. I love Tuca and Birdie. Tuca and Birdie. Love that other show on HBO where it was like animals, where it was just like animated animals and no one's funny.

And- When Tuca and Birdie got canceled, people were like, I mean, can you believe, first the Larry Wilmore show and now Tuca and Birdie? What's next, Amber Ruffin? You telling me we can't watch a black woman dress up like the green M&M every night?

She looks like the Howdy Doody doll. She can't come out with her bow tie and be incredibly unfunny and untalented? She dresses like she's in Coco. Oh, my God. I love her. Amber's all we have. Since we lost Lilly Singh, Amber Ruffin reference all we have now on the late night circuit guys

what am I gonna watch that makes me wanna kill myself every night oh man okay the McDonald's is here we're at an hour and eight

or something like that alright we gotta get to McDonald's and we gotta record one more ep yeah don't even say this is the public or the patron. We never know.

Who knows? But regardless, patreon.com slash lemon party. Hell yeah. Yeah. So if you don't see us eat a mukbang on the episode that's the public one, the patron one is us doing a mukbang. Yeah. I hope it doesn't suck.

And by that I mean Ben and I'm going to have a chicken McNugget. I already had dinner. Yeah. I literally already had dinner. It's yeah i literally already brutal i ate not long ago i didn't prepare at all for this i ate regularly i lived my day as if i wasn't gonna do this oh it's a horrific idea well we'll find out maybe it'll get a bunch of clicks we'll find out we'll find out stay tuned up for the next episode of lemon party Gå ut. Thank you.