lemonparty - 010: mental illness gym

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

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🎵 Can I, have you started recording yet? Yeah, I'm recording. Okay, go for it. No, I've already been recording. Oh, you've been recording? Yeah. So you talked to,

Hey, hey. You talked about all of the personal family stuff. Talking about deep girlfriend's personal family stuff. It wasn't into the mic. And I haven't even done the thing where I look into the camera. I actually need to go check the camera to see if it is recording. Can you go pretend to turn the camera on real quick? Yeah, so we can start from there.

Do a little soy face. The people love the soy face. Yeah, you gotta... Look incredibly punchable. Whoa! Oh, dude! What? Is this a thumbnail?

Dude, we're gonna smoke the biggest bong in the world. I do miss the days when YouTube wasn't banning content. So people were posting like, we're going to hit the 30 foot bong today. Yeah, yeah. It was guys like almost like dying from asphyxiation. Is that you can't have that type of shit on YouTube anymore? I'm assuming you can't. Like a guy that did, they would do fucking like ketamine, like jump through a window or some shit.

Yeah, just a human billabong, like killing his brain. Yeah. You know, on the internet. Look at Ben. This is Ben's Christmas gift. He got a tea set. I got Ben, I googled weird Japanese shit and just ordered Ben this. This is the closest Ben gets to his Asian fetish.

He gets to drink tea like a sophisticate as he watches retards on YouTube eat McDonald's. How is it, Benjamin? It's exquisite. Oh, it's quite good. It's good. Oh, man. I had boba for the second time this week.

I hate boba. It's very good. It's squishy. I like it. I like the balls. I feel like it's only like emojis drink boba. Yeah. It's only Japanese girls who go.

Like anytime I used to deliver boba, it was always, like, a person that I'm like, I'm not even sure... You look like Kirby, kind of. They all look like... You're either Sailor Moon or you're the guy who kills Japanese women in, like, the outskirts of L.A. It's just, yeah, it's a lot of college Asian kids.

Yeah. It was a lot of that there were two i was in san diego there were two two indian fellas in there kind of late at night and they were down bad where they're dressed to the nines and they've ended up at the outlet like the little shopping center at the at the shitty boba place and they're just like this you're talking about Indian guys. Two Indian guys. Yeah, yeah.

What'd I say? Like Bollywood guys. Yeah. That's what you mean. I mean Native American. I thought it was like Big Chief was at the Pacific Palisades Mall. Running coyote needs his matcha boba tea. We must go long distance to the cheesecake factory.

If we had these straws, we could have won. They're very, very sharp. These asses at the Galleria remind me of the bison of the old plains. They start hunting big asses, like stampeding. Like Native Americans. Literal buffalo hunting. Yeah, literal buffalo hunting. Yeah.

But for just giant Armenian asses. Yep. Yep. So it's two Indian guys down bad at the place. They just down bad at the place. Just they lost money and crypto. No, you can just, no, with pussy. You can tell they're just sitting there.

And they strike out 363 out of the 365 days a year. It's an unusual strikeout. They score once every six months, and they're just looking at each other. And the guy who makes the boba announces their order, and they both just look at each other, and they're like this. And then they wait seven minutes,

and then finally shuffle up there, and then get the boba. So they were sad about not getting pussy, so they go to the gayest thing of all time, and wait for boba. Just depressingly sip it. So they were sad about not getting pussy, so they go to the gayest thing of all time. And wait for boba? That's what was so confusing about the whole thing. It's Jasmine milk tea. It's like honeydew,

they order like a honeydew boba smoothie thing. Yeah, I hate that shit. I hate everyone and their comfort and their little sweets that they need. Everyone needs a pastry every day. It's so popular on Postmates is getting boba delivered everyone loves their boba boba the people like I just need a sweet treat I just hate it I watch people drink sweet milk I just need a treatment what are you better is this what do you have What is this? Is this a dick or a stomach? No, just your stomach. You're petting an imaginary computer mouse?

I'm really tired today from clicking. I didn't click. Click, click, click. I sent three emails at my job and I played Warhammer. I'm fucking exhausted. Dude, I am such a retard who like i guess my phone can track that i don't move so it's sending me targeted ads it's sending me the instagram ads where you can lay on the couch and you can put a crane on your ceiling that comes down and it's an arm and

it holds your ipads you can do this you can go sweet and just scroll you've watched so many fat people on the internet that your phone assumes you've killed yourself with food it's targeted ads your ads are all adult diapers, wheelchairs food funnels food funnels

edible underwear edible shirts those glasses that like stroke victims use to, like, watch Wheel of Fortune. That's right. Where you can watch down your body with the little two mirrors in them. I guarantee you they're really confused because, like, on YouTube yesterday I looked up, I wanted to learn how to make my own boba. I want to make my own boba balls.

Boy, you got to get some more hobbies. It's way too complicated. It's a whole thing. And no nutritional value in the boba balls. No, tapioca balls. It's starch. It's just like... Turns out it's starch.

It's cafeteria food molded into a ball. Yeah. It looks like Play-Doh you boil. Jasmine green tea. You have to... You know how it's black? You got to get black food dye you squirt a bunch of black food dye in the starch to get it right that can't be good it's like it's like the city of tokyo itself it's a completely fake thing they're light up in

it's made by the guys who did akira that's who who makes Boba Tea. It's just animators. People get them because they're like, dude, you could shake the cup and nothing spills out. Because it's the plastic on the top. Half the people go get it because they're just like, look at that. The plastic seal. You gotta shake it so all the lard mixes around.

Then you grab this big weird fucking straw and you stab it. It's just a Capri Sun for, like, children. Yeah. For adult children. Yeah. Guys who are so weak, they go to stab it and, like, sprain their wrists. Like, fucks up their hand.

Trying to break through four atoms of plastic. They have to get a cast. Yeah. Yeah. For their boba. Yeah. They have, like, your grandma's arm brace that she wears. Every one of the shops you walk into with the music playing, it's just like laser beam

noises. Yeah. No one even listens to music. It's just like, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. It sounds like a Jedi fight. I hate boba culture. I'm glad you brought this up. Fucking can't stand it.

Yeah. Well, I'm getting really into boba. So giddy up. Giddy up, Devin. I actually thought I might start getting a boba for every show we do. Every podcast we do. All right. That'll be the next page. The Patreon is you making boba live on the podcast.

You make disgusting green tea boba. I'm thinking it's either going to be I start doing a boba every... Because the tea's nice. And thank you for the Christmas gift. Yeah, of course. I know you love to pretend to be Japanese, so I wanted to... It's lovely. It was either that or a samurai sword, and I was worried one of the dogs would kill themselves.

Gracie would try to grab it off the wall, and the thing would fall out of the holster and cut her in half. Dude, when I went to... Did I tell you guys when I went to Big Bear, Katie got really sick? Yeah. So for anybody who doesn't know where Big Bear is, it's like two hours outside LA. It's where Chris Dorner held himself up in a cabin. And that's why you went.

Really? I mean, Katie wanted to go on a mini four-day vacation. Sure. You know, just me and her time. And immediately, as we're walking around this small little mountain town. You guys are Googling nearest places Will and Don have visited to go on vacation. Sorry. I'm doing the Yankee in the South tour.

Yeah. No, I will. First of all, I want to see Chris Dorner where he did it. Mm-hmm. But the electric car that we have, when it gets cold, it immediately, it's like, you have four miles left. Yep. I've looked into this.

I know, Devin. Yep. It's because you drive a hunk of shit teslas are iphones yeah you know teslas are built so badly they they have whole other centers that build them better for you if you actually want them to not like fall apart they have like chop shops for like tesla yeah yeah like you can spend 80 000 on a tesla and it's it's a hunk of shit so then they take a rich people will take it to the place that makes it an actually good so they go build we what we did is we took a rav4 and we put the tesla battery inside of it pretty much yeah what they're like what we did is we pushed your tesla

off a cliff and we gave you uh toyota corolla and you're like oh my god the gas mileage is insane like yeah you're fucking welcome yeah but i'm walking around big bear and immediately katie's eyes starts it starts swelling up she's having some weird allergic reaction and it's red and it's swollen like this and she starts crying but she and she's wearing her little ray-ban like little round like john lennon sunglasses yeah you can still totally see that yeah you can see all the swollen. Dude, it looks like I really... No, this is just, I was about to say, you're lying to us right now. This is a roundabout

way of... Here's the thing, though. Yeah, so we're up at Big Bear. Katie fell down a stairs into my fist. Can you believe that? Ben's like, Katie had an allergic reaction and we lost the baby. Yeah, Katie burned my dinner And then fell Onto a baseball Two baseballs into her eyes

But seriously look at how overcooked this steak is No the thing that you open the hot tub The hot tub cover it fell And it hit her on the head Like over and over She fell and accidentally buried herself in my backyard she fell into a grave she fell into a grave and then

accidentally pulled the dirt on top of her as she was going down my wife had such a bad allergic reaction she's been missing for weeks so she's driving you know the Tesla's going crazy drives her right into a lake with a cement block on the it was like chapa quit it dude it ruined my whole thing because i'm like i'm as she's having this allergic reaction

i'm in i'm in there's a library there like a bookstore and there's nothing really that good but there was a book uh collected poems by yates sure now i'm not the kind of guy that sits there and reads poetry like some sort of dumb ass yeah poetry is if you're trying to be as gay as possible sure yeah i like ted hughes but that's kind of all the only guy i like i like walt whitman that's about it sure but i'm not like i'm not like i should read poetry for the next two hours. I've never had the desire to do so. But I have Yates, and then at the front desk there, they have a place where you could buy a katana.

And right before that, I posted on my Instagram, if I should buy at the front of the store, was it one of the Davy Crockett hats with the... A coonskin cap. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Enough of that. Fortunate name. Jace? It's just an Afro wig. hats with the... A coonskin cap. Yeah. Enough of that.

It's just an afro wig. Ben comes back like, dynamite! Sorry. I apologize. I apologize to Reverend Al Sharpton. Yes. I'm meeting with Reverend Sharpton in Harlem.

Yeah, next week. Yeah, like Pete Buttigieg. When he went, he apologized. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. I remember that. I remember that. You're good.

He went to go eat with Reverend Sharpton because he said something about black people. And then you see the picture is he's eating, Pete Buttigieg is eating fried chicken, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, like a hog foot. Yeah. And Al Sharpton has like a piece macaroni and cheese, like a hog foot. Al Sharpton has a piece of toast and a tea in front of him.

So you know Pete Buttigieg clearly ordered first and Al Sharpton was like, I'll have one piece of bread, please. He's eating eggs and beans. He's eating a very European breakfast. But I realized that it ruined the whole... Because I was going to, I was like really,

the stars were aligned. I see the Davy Crockett cap. Then I see a katana. Then I have the Yates poems. I could be walking around and then I could have shown up to Chris Dorner's, but with Katie with her eye, it would have looked like I am just the most autistic domestic abuser

you've ever seen. Where I like put on, I put on like noise canceleling headphones before I beat the shit out of my wife. You're throwing a plate of dino nuggets against the wall like Raging Bull. You fuck my wife? You're saying that to Katie? You fuck my wife? Oh, my God? Oh my God. Oh God.

Yeah. It really ruined the whole thing and the Tesla fucked up the whole thing. So I barely made it to some charger in some nearby town. How low does it go? So I couldn't go see Dorner's. Because of the cold.

I immediately, I went up there, I had like 100 miles. I thought I was fine and in the morning it was down to like 55. God. And I was like, I routed the thing to Chris Dorner's there i had like 100 miles i thought i was fine and in the morning it was down to like 55 god and i was like i i routed i routed the thing to chris dorner's and to the place to get katie's medicine

and then to the supercharger and it was like either she wasn't gonna get the medicine from the pharmacist or i was gonna go get to see where chris dorner did it right a real sophie's choice for you and she was in the most pain she's ever been in in her life it was a weird thing she was really fucked up her cornea was swollen. What the fuck could have happened? I don't know. Besides you beating her. I like to think it was her body's way of shutting the katana thing down.

Her body was like, well, I know what's going to happen. So she just has to, like, starts trying to push her eye out of her skull. Yeah, it was a defense mechanism from Ben's retardation. It is a weird, like, if I was going to do it, like a husband murdering a wife, you take them to, you do it on vacation. You push them off of a cruise ship. You take them to a small mountain town. They fall down a thing.

Yeah. They disappear on a hike or something. Yeah. There was a guy in L.A. who had two wives go like that, where they were hiking and she just fell off like the top of a hike or something. Yeah, there was a guy in LA who had two wives go like that, where they were hiking and she just fell off the top of a mountain. Two. He did that. I cannot remember the guy's name.

He did that, and then nine years later, he got married again, and then it was the same spot, basically. And he never even... I think he... He eventually was charged with... They're like, you can't have two wives that clumsy. They're like, dude, we know they're annoying, but two? Like, one, dude, everybody gets one, dude.

Everybody gets one. Yeah, that was just the 70s in America. And you get to kill your wife one time. I'm just being a real bitch about it. But don't go showboating on us. Yeah, come on, dude. You're hot- dogging it now yeah i mean i can't find anything because people just die on hikes all the time people are killing

their wives on hikes all the time you'll never find this that's the number one death of women in america if your husband bring home brings home hiking shoes you're screwed you're fucked yeah honey you know what we should do we should go to the most remote part of the city possible not a soul around i i wouldn't i i don't know that'd be that'd be pretty shitty to kill my wife that way i think i'd poison her or something if i was gonna do it where she just doesn't like wake up i'd do it the way paton Oswalt did it to his wife, maybe. She just goes in her sleep. What did I say? What did I say?

What did I say? Do we edit it out? Do we leave it in? No. We're going to put a live vote up. We'll fix it in post. It'll just be you clumsily saying, Robert Durst, over the top of your voice.

He didn't do anything. Obviously, he didn't do anything. He got a wife with big tits way too soon after. Really, his biggest crime. Biggest crime is like, dude, you can't bring new knockers around that quickly. It was too soon, and her tits were too big. If her tits were smaller, I would have allowed it.

There's a chart. Nine months, you get C-cups. You want double Ds, it's a year and a half, pal. Drawn a whole graph up and everything. With like an X and a Y thing. With the size of tits and how long your wife's been dead. And it's like a whole thing. Here's the thing, buddy.

Three years, unlimited. I'm talking double H's. I'm talking K's. Yeah, if you want, you could get yourself put into a medically induced coma until then. So it's like, you take time to have a baby. So you don't have to wait to fuck the new hotter wife.

He should have just gone uglier wife. know yeah then no one would have suspected a thing yep i mean i guess it's the thinking is like well you know my daughter needs a mom yeah and these tits are full of better milk it's horrible i don't know if we're ever too far i never know what's how i mean i watched the documentary about his wife's brilliant. She was great. His wife was fucking incredible. Basically solved that murder. Yeah, the Golden State Killer. If only she were alive to solve her own.

It's this damn tea. God damn it, Ben. What is in that tea? This damn tea. I was joking that Ben's going to relapse through the teapot. He's clearly pouring rum and coke through it. What is in that tea? Damn tea. I was joking that Ben's going to relapse through the teapot. He's clearly pouring rum and coke through it. Oh, no. He's hammered.

This is crazy. But, you know, the doc is great. And there is a part near the end where you're kind of like, you weren't giving her a lot of bills. They weren't living in the same room. Yeah. They live in a in the same room. Yeah. They live in a mansion. So now we're getting serious. So they'd kind of be like, you know, meet me at the southeast corner of the house.

I'll be wearing a trench coat. Just hand off the pills. Meet me at the Ratatouille poster. If you could just meet me at the King of Queens poster in the attic, I can give you a few sleeping pills. No, I'm really uncomfortable talking about this, but I did have a couple thoughts while watching it. I was like, well, you didn't help. I think Pat Nussbaum's a good man. I don't think he would ever do anything, obviously.

It's just a very funny thing to say. It's like we didn't start it. It's been a narrative online for a while. I don't think he would ever do anything, obviously. It's just a very funny thing to say. It's like we didn't start it. It's been a narrative online for a while. I don't care. I don't give a shit. I love all of his past work that he hates now. I love comedians of comedy. He was the guy who got me into comedy. I was listening to his albums. The picture with him and Chappelle is one of my favorite

things. Where he's writing the apology letter? It was him with Chappelle and then the next one was him writing. Him apologizing. Like, I'm so sorry. I hate black people. He's in the Civil War. I actually hate black people. Guys, I'm so sorry.

I should not have taken a picture with a black. Dearest, dearest retarded online community, it has been a fourth night since I've- With like a big quill. A big quill. Yeah.

And he's got Benjamin Franklin here. Dear retarded people who ruined everything. Dear woke community, I apologize for taking a picture with a talented black man. I've realized that there's no amount of talent a black person can have that would make it acceptable to take a picture with. I forgot you're only allowed to associate with untalented black people in this community. I forgot the cardinal rule. I forgot the cardinal rule is that we own all of black thought.

Just like we, you know, just like hundreds of years ago. If we can't physically own them then we could own their consciousness I can get us I was gonna say I can get us out of this Jason you're a gruber

you guys are in a mind trap I was like this way this way I'm so drunk I'm stumbling Ben's diving further into the cave There's light. This way. I'm fucking, I'm so drunk, I'm stumbling. Yeah. Devin's holding me. Ben's diving further into the cave. My parents won't kill this wife.

Sometimes I'm amazed I'm the one that drinks on the show. Ben just got us in such a hole. You're probably wondering how I got here. I'll make no mistake. There's going to be a 30-minute conversation about whether or not we post this. Check one. Can you guys listen to the headphones? Because I don't know where mine are right now.

Yeah, I got it. Hi, folks. Sounds great. We're doing a blue chew read now. Oh, fuck. I love that. That way. Like what?

When my dick is hard because of blue chew. The only thing that makes my dick hard. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. I can't get hard my dick hard. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I can't get hard without it anymore. That's right. Mm-hmm. The nights are getting longer, but the breeze isn't the only thing that's getting stiff.

That's right. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Guys, we all know that confidence can take you far in life. That's especially true in the bedroom, especially when it's time to step up to the plate. That's where Blue Chew comes in. Boys, what do you think about that so far? I think it's a game changer, honestly. That's the best product in the world. Better than the polio vaccine.

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Yeah, no visits to the doctor's office no awkward conversations and no waiting in line at the pharmacy blue juice tablets are made in the usa and prepared to ship direct to your door in a discreet package and uh you know with blue chew men everywhere excited to see the postman because when your package has arrived your package has arrived devin that's funny last time devin last time i saw you uh you were talking about uh how you use blue chew to have sex with ladies yep love blue chew and i always use it to have sex with ladies even though i'm with one woman god damn it the camera turned off we lost power god damn it jay does this count if we still if we're still going or

i think it's fine if we throw some. Who gives a shit? Okay, hold on. Hold on. I'm just going to continue here. Maybe we need to give the camera blue chew. Here we go. There we are, folks.

Look at me. Oh, there we are. Wow. Jace, can you film me, actually? Yeah, sure. Here, just hold it like that. There we go. Hey.

And there's Devin, too. Folks, they always say first impressions are important. What about lasting impressions? It's time to get off the couch and back to work. If your tool needs an upgrade, head to bluechew.com. They say there's nothing sexier than confidence, and Blue Chew can help give you confidence where it counts. I need confidence, yeah.

Yes, you do, Devin. Yes, you do. Especially in the do devon yes you do especially in the bedroom yeah and we're in the bedroom right now you could use it on the podcast also we're recording my bedroom my bed's right now and we've got a special deal for our listeners try blue chew free oh wait so if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform chew it and do it have better sex and we've got a special deal it's a very crass thing to say but and we've got i would say have a better love making sessions don't criticize blue chew shut up read the ad read the goddamn ad. Try it for free.

And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code Lemon. That's L-E-M-O-N. At checkout, just pay $5 shipping, guys. That's BlueChew.com, promo code Lemon, to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you, Blue Chew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you Blue Chew.

Thank you. Okay. Now back to the show. New watch. New watch. Ooh. Wow. Check it out. Nice. You look like when you wear that watch and you wear these corduroys and stuff you kind of look like a guy in like the 70s

that you bought a microwave for $20,000 and you can't stop telling your friends about the technology. Yeah, you're like, check this out. And it's powered by asbestos. Yeah, exactly. It literally fell off. It literally fell off. Is that a good watch or a bad watch?

I can't tell. It's good, but I played golf with it, and somehow I lost one of the pins in it that keeps it clicked around my wrist. You recently played at a... What plantation did you play at? Didn't your wife get you tickets to a big plantation? It was a Christmas gift. I got to play Torrey Pines. It was a big deal.

That's your favorite place, right? Not my favorite. I thought it's like the best. It's probably the best in Southern California. Yeah, it's the best in Southern California. Yeah, they did the US Open. Their Tiger won. How could it be a plantation, Devin,

if Tiger Woods, who hates black people, won there? Black people hating black people is so funny to me. Just Uncle Ruckus is walking around excuse me okay simpson and tiger woods hate black people they hate black people dude it's one of my favorite we've talked about oj made in america yeah which is like one of my favorite i think it's one of the greatest pieces of media ever made i think it's the best documentary ever made on earth and there's the such a funny part when he gets um exonerated from the the murder yeah and he's he's like well the whites won't fuck with me anymore so he tries to like he's like the black community loves me so

he literally goes to a roscoe's chicken and waffles and he just like he loses his mind he's like i gotta get the fuck away yeah he like he away. He's like, I can't take this. He was trying to go to like black churches and stuff. And he was just, you know. He's like, there's too much dancing, all right? Let's knock it off. Well, there's a quote when he gets in the cop car after the chase. He says.

He goes back to his house in fucking, where at? Brentwood. In Brentwood. And they're in the cop car and they're driving him back to his house and fucking where and where at uh brentwood in brentwood and they're in the cop car and they're they're driving him out of his house and he goes who had all these n words in brentwood yeah yeah he said that with a hard r with a hard r and this is cuba gooding jr says this what i say yeah yeah yeah oj was so racist even mark firman was like all right relax you're so racist lapd is Furman was like, all right, relax. You're so racist, LAPD's like, let's tone it down a little bit.

LAPD's like, I mean, we did do a number on Rodney King. I mean, what the hell is wrong with you? Yeah. If you look at the last five minutes of the Rodney King being OJ Simpson just joins in at some point. He's running a baton to them. Yeah, the old Hertz commercial spin move speeding the Bronco down the 101 to get to

the Rodney King beating like the Hertz commercial yeah jumping over luggage and stuff just whack the shit out of him right across the jaw people holding up go juice go posters yeah i fucking love oj i love i'm obj i'm absolutely obsessed with i'm absolutely

obsessed with and i mean i know it's not like everyone kind of is but incredible bill cosby he's gonna do a tour soon. Really? Yeah, 2023 he's doing a tour. Big tour plan. So maybe, you know, things. I'm starting to feel like the pendulum's swinging, boys. Yep. Finally, we have justice in America. Finally.

No more of this Me Too bullshit. It would be great if the pendulum does swing back from that like gay, touchy, sensitive. Yeah. It swings back so hard. So hard. That Roman Polanski is directing the new Avengers. Yeah.

This is amazing. It just swings back so hard. It's the exact same thing. It's just like drag queens fucking kids and stuff in schools. And we're like, this is fucking, we're finally doing what we want. It's free speech. It's free speech. Wait, what? Why am I gay?

Yeah, they're just having priests rape kids. Woo! Free speech. USA baby! Elon on Twitter now says free speech. Elon, excellent move, Mr. Musk. I totally legalized child pornography on Twitter.

I totally legalized CP. I bought the Constitution. CP is legal now. And weird guys on Twitter are just like, excellent gambit, Mr. Musk. Checkmate, Mr. Musk. Take all my money, sir. Let me buy a car that'll explode and kill me.

Dude, it is funny to be the guy who's like, Elon just tweets like, we must defeat the woke culture or whatever. He tweets the gayest thing of all time. He tweets the woke my virus must be defeated at all. And then I'm the guy that hits reply to it, and I go, sir, today you have won the internet. Today you have won the internet. I have won the internet i love those guys

i love reply guys all my money sir well he could he literally tweets like he's like just to let everyone know i did accidentally cut my dick and balls off at the tesla plant and they're like great innovation sir love that he's like is this part of the new update where the cars cut our penises off? I would love for a car to cut my penis off. And frankly, if you don't, you're gay and woke. They say great innovation, sir. Great. It's so when you go to space, you don't get it.

When you go to space, it's so your cock doesn't explode because of the gravity and stuff. You're going to have to get your cock removed to go to Mars. I love people online that talk to Incredibly famous people like they're their buddy Like Rogan will post something on Instagram Like those shows in Minneapolis were amazing Thanks for coming out And there's some guy that's like

Wish I could have been there brother But I had to work overtime last night Sounds like it went well Hope you and the kids are doing good. Keep killing it, man. Like it's a text you send to your grandma. Exactly, like so personal. What are you talking about, dude?

In a 40,000 comment, Fred. Sorry, Joe. Wish I could have been there. Wish I could have been there, brother. Those guys on the internet that say brother. There's like guys that are like above 45 years old that they all call each other brother. They're like,

wish it could have been their brother, brother man. In their head, they fought in a war. It's a brotherhood. Oh, shit. Chase breaks the gift he got you within 20 minutes. I think you squeeze it like so. Oh, yeah. My bad.

It's a damn Japanese. They want to embarrass us. Is this Toyota? So you just squeeze it like that? Oh, yeah. My bad. It's a damn Japanese... They want to embarrass us. Is this Toyota? So you just squeeze it like that? I don't know. I'm just going to grab the whole thing. Love the new update, Mr. Musk. Mr. Musk, love where the hot tea burns you

because the pot breaks. Mr. Musk. Yeah, guys who think they're in the military because they watch David Goggins' videos of him just being like, I was up at four o'clock stabbing myself in the belly. Yeah.

Because I fucking... And they're like, hell yeah, at four o'clock stabbing myself in the belly. Yeah. Because I fucking, and they're like, hell yeah, brother. My grandfather was in Normandy, but like, I like jog at 5 a.m. They just listen to podcasters all day that like frown in their sleep.

And they, so they think they're in the army or something. They listen to guys who have a queer mental disorder where if they stop working out, they'll blow their fucking brains out. They'll murder, suicide their family.

Yeah. Guys are like listen if I don't get that 50th mile in I'll fucking kill everyone. I'll fucking turn this bank into a red room. And they go wow excellent protocol Mr. Goggins. Adding this to adding this so I can be a better shift manager.

It hurts. I'm defeating the inner bitch at the mall today. With my AR-15. There's a lot of inner bitches in this public space right now. Guys tweeting the picture of them and they're like, if I lead, follow. If I retreat, kill me. They're like Build-A-Bear with their daughter,

who's going to have clear mental health issues. With their daughter, who's going to become a massive slut because their dad's a fucking psychopath. Yeah, those dads are the equivalent of being a Catholic school for their daughter. You're just turning your daughter into a huge whore because you can't stop fucking like eating elk meat and running all night. I can imagine like my dad

being Jocko Willink where he's like you gotta stop talking to Craig at school. He's handicapped. He's weak. He's in a wheelchair. It's in his head. Yeah. A guy who's like. He's sick in the head. It's gonna rub off on you. Yeah. A guy who's like you know in ancient Sparta they would kill retarded

people. And I think that's pretty neat it sounds like a vicious wicked way to live your life they're obsessed with anything that has the highest amount of and i'm sorry to sound like a cuck everyone but they're obsessed with the thing that has the highest amount of carbon emissions possible yes yeah it's like I can only eat. It's not only do I only eat meat. I only eat red meat. The thing that is like if you do pork or chicken or fish, it's like very minimal. I don't know.

They drive the truck where literally it has 25 feet of blind spot in front of the car. Yeah. Well, you I saw those videos where they line up kids in front of like the Dodge Ram. And there's only like 25 kids. Oh, there's the top of the head. I shouldn't have run over that guy. And none of those trucks are being used for anything truck related. Oh, for like work?

No, they're just transporting their mistress from Plano to Addison. And they love Yellowstone. They're like, I need 4,000 horsepower to get to fucking Fuddruckers. Dude, did you see that Yellowstone clip, by the way? Yellowstone's a hunk of shit. That clip's insane. Yeah. Yellowstone is everyone I know who has no taste loves Yellowstone.

It's succession for guys that have F-150s that never put anything in the bed of the truck. It's succession for Patagonia vest guys. Dude, I want to play this clip just so people can see that it's real. It's an amazing clip. I remember seeing it a few years... It's like newsroom level.

Yeah, it is newsroom level. The newsroom is just astoundingly bad. Yeah. It's like newsroom, yeah, but for like American badasses. Yes, exactly. Let me full screen this.

Yeah. Here we go. Let the people see it. Are you out of your mind? Hey! Are you out of your mind? All right, get back before that thing eats somebody. It seems friendly.

Okay, pause it real quick. Like who, first off, who would say that about a giant grizzly bear? Right. A group of people. And for anybody just listening, it's, he has a rifle for some reason. He's talking to a bunch of, it seems like, Asian tourists. I think, I'm not mistaken, this is the first scene in the series. Oh, really?

And it's him walking out, and there's a group of Asian families just being like, Oh, it's a bigger bear. Bigger grizzly bear. We went to a cut with the bear. It's really cut to-y, really. He's like, get my fucking truck right for him. It's Sons of Anarchy in Montana, basically. This is crazy.

I tried watching it. We won't get any closer. You see that fence? That's mine. That fucking fence down there, that's mine, too. Everything this side of that mountain, all the way over to here.这种熊去一门教诲 What's he saying? He says that it's wrong for one man to own all this. He says he should share it with all the people. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude.

America! America! This is America. We don't share land here. Oh my God. That's the big line line he shoots them back into their tour bus he keeps firing the gun until they all cower back into their tour bus and he says this is america we don't share land here yeah it's it is a guy who he's like i'm an american

badass somebody was slightly inconvenient to me so i i threaten them with death oh you know kevin cosner legitimately thinks he is like wyatt erp like he thinks he's actually a cowboy there's in deadwood south dakota he like bought a bar and the whole thing is a shrine to him like he is actually an old-timey cowboy yeah really yeah and i was in deadwood with joey and we joey and i would get drunk we'd ask like like people that worked at the casinos about him, and they all were like, ugh. They hate Kevin Cosner in Deadwood. That's great. He's out of his mind.

Have you ever seen when they did the Field of Dreams thing? They did a baseball game where it was a reenactment of Field of Dreams. In the MLB. In the MLB. It was a real game, but they all come out of a cornfield, and Kevin Cosner leads it, leads the charge. Oh, man. You could tell

he literally thinks field of dreams is real like he he thinks he invented baseball yeah he thinks he's about to meet his dead father at the game yeah he's looking around like there's there my my dad there's a ghost here right there's a ghost he's like where's that black guy who's supposed to be uh the guy who wrote catcher in the rye where's he at so he is definitely like you can tell he's the one who put this on like he suggested to the movie studio we gotta do this we gotta do field the dreams live yes in front of the people and it was on fox and he like you can tell he got there like weeks early and he was like telling them like how he wants the camera to pan in on him and like it was so well done it's felt like the field of dreams movie but it was absurd because

there's a whole crowd there and it's not field of dreams it's a game you're just supposed to come like he gives a speech he gives a speech like he's fdr like it's he's out of his mind is uh is ray liotta there no no ray liotta plays uh he plays no no Ray Liotta plays yeah but he's dead now yeah an actual ghost yeah that would be crazy if you just showed up it was magic yeah no that that's a that's crazy that's that's that classic TV that that that's like the I guess this is kind of the right wing version of what newsroom was like newsroom is like neoliberal horseshit like very contrived just like journalists are the most bravest people on earth and that that whole scene in the newsroom where where they're on a flight

yes and the guys like the journalist knows that they just killed Osama bin Laden and he's like we got to tell people yeah this is a huge deal and well he's he's being a dick to the pilot yeah and then he looks at the pilot he goes i want to be the first to tell you the united states military has killed osama bin laden and they like start sobbing and they fall to their knees and the whole plane goes crazy right uh it's just disgusting propaganda horse shit yeah yeah yeah and this is the same thing for guys who like think standing their ground is like not letting a guy cut you in line at a store. Yeah.

They're like a guy tried to cut us in line at the Cheesecake Factory and I made my wife and I we all leave. At the end of that clip Kevin Cosner should shoot

Trayvon Martin. Well I will not I will not be watching the show because my characters have to be morally sound and they have to check all my boxes. That's the most interesting TV. People who are right. I got to actually give it a real watch. I watched the first two episodes and it's just so melodramatic and lame that I couldn't keep going. But it's so popular. You know my thing.

I got to know how to yell at people about it. I know. I'm gonna have, you know my thing. I gotta know how to yell at people about it. I know. I'm gonna have to have some ammo. That's what's nice about you. You're not a big, like if you, you would never decide

you hate like Arabs or something. You would like read the whole Quran. I'd have to figure out why they say that. You'd go to Mecca, you'd be interviewing people. And I'm Arab. I used to tell my grandfather

like shut up with that language. The language is annoying. Shut up with the gobbledygook. Have a Pepsi. Take a lozenge, clear your throat out, knock it off. Have a Pepsi.

Arabs have never had fun. You've never seen an Arab just like blowing a kazoo. Yeah, drinking a soda. Drinking a soda. Having a chip. If they're smiling, it's because they had a stroke.

Their brain exploded. But yeah, now this Taylor Sheridan guy Who made Yellowstone He's done some good stuff like Hell or High Water And Sicario or whatever But there's a million spinoffs of this show now And they're all dates It's all like watch 1823 if you like Yellowstone And then 1823 you should check out 1819

1924 is even better. It eventually gets to like negative 10,000 beasts. They're all cavemen. It's all Cro-Magnon. Yeah, it's the Geico cavemen

but they're like this is my fucking cave. You don't come to my cave partner and try to fuck my wife. It's just like a TV show about like when humans first became

conscious and they were hearing voices in their head and they're just bashing their head into rocks trying to kill the yeah kill the sound in their head and a guy with 900 blood pressure is like that's fucking me a guy made of lipitor he's like hypertension hypertension stage nine yeah a guy if his if his lazy boy breaks and he tries to get out of it, he will die. Yeah. His heart will

explode. A guy, every time he stands up, he blacks out for three to four minutes and he has to do this and he just shakes until he gets his vision back. It's like, it's a show about like a ranch in Yellowstone being run like the mob.

So it's weird. They're leading Buffalo into rooms and the Buffalo's like, oh no. And they blow its head off. They're like, yeah, they're doing blood rituals with fucking mountain lions. They throw the Buffalo off of a dock. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to be a huge dickhead about everything you're like P-22 owes me some money

the mountain lion yeah rest in peace RIP to P-22 P-22? P-20? it was P-22 yeah P-22

his death I never saw him it made people so sad they're actually gonna build like a big field on top of the freeway so animals can cross because p22 got all fucked up crossing the freeway and got like hit by a bunch of cars because the 405 is like 30 lanes across yeah well they did it the city of la they're like

p22 got hit and he was like like he was fucked up and then the city was like don't worry everybody we've captured p22 he's in the hospital yeah And then like 30 minutes later, they're like, he was really fucked up, so we just killed him. Yeah, they basically, we turned P-22 into like, the exterminator from Men in Black. Like, he was just walking around like, sugar, water, sugar.

He'd been eating fat burger for 20 years. All fucked up and retarded. P-22's at the grove he's watching the whale with ben i'm just sharing an icy with him yeah he kills tyler the crater yeah p22 is wearing knee braces on the on the trolley yeah that would have been great as if in his dying uh moments he was just walking down the walk of fame down hollywood boulevard and like jimmy kimmel's doing a man on the street piece and he just slits jimmy's throat with just one swipe yeah or jimmy's just like what's the

capital of washington dc he's asking a fucking person with a hole in their face so he can go on TV and be like, check out this fucking retard. Can you believe it? Guy who's been living off corn for 80 years. Can you believe he's this retarded? God, we're so smart. Just blood shooting out of his throat.

He's holding it like this, and he looks at P-22, and he goes, thank you. Thank you. He just collapses in a pool of blood. I don't have to cry on TV about bullshit anymore. I never was sad about those kids,

not even once. I can't feel a damn thing. Yeah, he had fucking tear duct machines implanted into his face. Dude, literally, the machine where you can throw up in a movie, the tube that comes this way. It's the sleeve that goes through your leg.

Jimmy Kimmel's probably feeding his kid eye drops every night and then being like, all right, there's all these health problems. I've got to cry tonight. Just for his ratings, he's hoping... We are awful. I'm an awful person. I'm sorry, Jimmy Kimmel.

Just for Jimmy Kimmel's ratings, he's probably hoping his son's school gets shot up. He's like, I hope my kid gets hit next. He's like, would someone shoot up my kid's like, I hope my kid gets hit next. He's like, would someone shoot up my kid's school already? He's like the CIA trying to recruit. He's trying to MK Ultra 12-year-olds around Pasadena. His kid's David Hogg.

He adopts David Hogg. He adopts David Hogg. Dad, I need my story. That was insane. When they said that Hogg ran to his house, got a camera, and his dad's like, what's going on? And he's like,

I'm getting my story. He never said like, they're killing all my friends. He's like, yeah, they're like the heroic moment when David Hogg was like, I will exploit this

to become famous for three years. What happened to them? It was like David Hogg, then there was that like Shia LaBeouf character and they were all doing speeches i'm not really sure i know emma i think emma gonzalez is in like stranger things now and then like and then the the the kyle kashuv kid who i met he like works for dave rubin now and like i don't know he was like it was weird because it was a political it was a bunch of political like they were all victims but they were they all had different political sides.

So there was one guy, there was like a kid that got famous where he's like, I think he should have shot more. Yeah, one kid was literally like, well, sorry, I know how to duck. Yeah, sorry. I mean, yeah, guns exist and we have a right to have them. There's one kid who's so far to the right, he's like, he had bad gun etiquette. He goes, he could have got a lot more kills. He's like the kid yeah he's walking up to the shooter he goes you got to watch the trigger finger it's terrible he's like here you go katie throws him a bump stock he's like you're

gonna double your rate he goes he goes if you go in the dark web you can get an extended clip i mean that's like double the amount of ammo on the reload you don't have a 3d printer to make a glock switch you can have these things fully automatic in 15, maybe 20 seconds. You're really fucking up here. Yeah, I do think

because it was like a very rich school in Houston, right? What? Florida. Parkland? In Florida. I don't know if it was rich.

I don't know. I think it was like a well-to-do, like sunburned white people with nice houses. I think it was like a private school or something. It might be Rockland.

I don't think Parkland was. Look it up. I think Parkland's a decent area. Yeah. I was watching the show QB1, and one of the QBs lives in Parkland, and his life seemed good. It's Stoneman Douglas. Let me see.

Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School. Marjorie Taylor Greene High Schoollas high school marjorie taylor green high school uh this is where it's mandatory yeah they all learn to cook in her weird gun restaurant or that's lauren brobert or whatever lauren bat yeah i confuse all these retarded whores that work in congress are you talking about gun girl yeah gun girl dude oh didn't she shit herself gun girl like shit herself because her tits were so big. Her titties were like so big she shit herself. Is that a thing?

I think so. I think your tits. Oh, here comes Gracie. Why did you hypothesize that it was because of her tits? I don't know. It just makes sense. Everyone's like she shit herself. I'm like, yeah, her tits are huge.

Well, you think she felt. Of course she shit herself. She probably barely wiped. She passed out at a party and her tits just pressed on her stomach and pushed the shit out like a tube of toothpaste gun girl no but she was going around campuses right like trying to talk about gun rights and then guys were like didn't you shoot yourself at that like alabama state party yeah and then she would get like run off campus i think we should watch one of those videos i forgot about that bitch yeah how do i know if the school's rich or not i don't know it seems like it was a good school yeah type in parkland like is parkland i'm looking at the school but no but be like is parkland nice

that the city yeah oh the city of park yeah because this is uh it's outside coral springs outside way outside miami probably i mean it's way on the outskirts. I'm guessing a suburb outside Miami. I don't think it's like fucking Florida Project, Florida. Yeah. You know? I don't think it's... Yeah, they weren't all living in the motel or something. Yeah.

So this is one of the best places to live in Florida. There we go. There we go. 40thandniche.com. So what I was going to say is all of them have probably relatives and friends in PR. So kids just got plugged into the machine right immediately yeah i think david hogg's dad is in the cia yeah exactly yeah yeah so there you go median rent 2700 yeah it's it's an upper class area for florida that's like

the richest place in the world yeah that's that's crazy unless you're in miami Yeah. Anyway. So it's a good area. Yeah. What's gun girl's name? Dumb bitch. I don't know. Yeah. That's the thing I don't want to like have memorized. She's just gun girl. Imagine if I like wasted space in my mind over that. Like I forget like, you know, my girlfriend's birthday.

I'm like, well, I'm sorry. I was thinking about gun girl's name. I never forget their name. I forget. I remember Ashley Babbitt. Yeah. I remember her name gun girl i remember them all you do i remember shooters i'm kind of sick like that i always

remember shooters oh you gotta remember the names of shooters dylan and eric dylan adam lanza andres van brevik this was of course under vans brevik was my favorite shooter easily yeah he's the guy who just went t2 he on a camp yeah he turned into like the machine yeah he walked out of the lake like fucking like jason vorhees yeah and shot people with like a harpoon gun yes like a bunch of people on an island that couldn't escape it was uh truly horrifying but truly fucking horrifying it wasn't here it wasn't it wasn't here it was in it was in one and you know, and he got a good punishment. He's living in an Ikea now or wherever they send you.

Yeah, all their prisons are like, hey, they only get sucked off five days a week. That's prison in Norway. And then they're also like, oh, and by the way, everyone here kills themselves for some reason. That is a thing, too. There's a great place to live. Yeah. It's like the best government, like the best. Like if you get get pregnant they just give you like ten thousand dollars baby care kits a lot of people on the patreon are from uh they pay in the swedish kroner that's cool yeah it looks

beautiful out there yeah or wait were we talking about norway norway it's all the same sweden norway but yeah it's not they'd be upset but we're americans we don't care about you yeah it's white people who look like the avatar guys like those areas yeah yeah they look like the avatar before Sweden, Norway. It's not, but... It's not. They'd be upset, but we're Americans. We don't care about you. It's white people who look like the Avatar guys. Like, those areas are the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They look like the Avatar

before they're blue. Do you guys hate that I can speak a little Swedish? Do you hate that about me? You can? Why? I despise that about you.

Because you fucking... I spent like three months, three or four months learning Swedish. Yeah, that big retreat you went on, huh? Big retreat. That big Ari Aster retreat

you went on. We all know about it. What happened to your friends, Ben? Big retreat. A big Ari Aster retreat you went on. We all know about it. What happened to your friends, Ben? You went with three friends, none of them came back? I had tripped on mushrooms. It was crazy. Things were like this. Have you ever took mushrooms and things do that?

Yeah. You're in the bear costume and you start jerking off. The fire's coming. Yeah, it's the... I want to reshoot that movie where at the end it's the masturbating bear from Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Yeah, you go into the room where the retarded boy lives and he's just listening to Lemon Party. What was that movie called? Midsommar. Midsommar. I hated it.

One of the fans, Pat, I think his name was, he was messaging me about it. Yeah, but Hereditary is legit good. Hereditary is good. Hereditary is great. Hereditary is great. Yeah, I really like Hereditary. Midsommar I thought was really, really stupid. And I was like, why would anyone stay upon the first weird thing that they saw?

The guy's just taking headers off of cliffs and shit. Yeah, it's just the minute they saw that, I'm like, I'm leaving. Like, what? Why would I stay here? The minute I saw four white guys wearing white robes, I would just leave. Yeah. The latest movie that we walked out of, me, Jason, Katie all turned to each other collectively an hour

into crying. Don't worry, darling. Yeah. Don't worry, darling. For't worry, darling. For me, it was Till. We walked out. You walked out of Till? I walked out of Till. You made a scene in Till.

You made a damn scene, Devin. Devin 20 minutes into the movie going, wait, he's the hero? You thought it was like... Not in my AMC, he's the hero? You thought it was like... Not in my AMC, he's not. You just, you in the back, boo-boo. Boo. It didn't go down like that.

Wakanda for never. Oh, God, that's horrible. Is that a real thing? Nah, I don't know. I just invented it. I invented it. You just invented the new racist thing. Damn, man.

Wakanda for never. You're like a leader of things you don't want to be a leader of. You're like a lyrical genius for hate. Yeah, I'm a... You're the Seamus O'Haney of hate. Ah, man. Well, Wakanda for never. You guys walked out

Don't worry darling Olivia Wilde's Honk a shit We made it an hour in We all turned I turned to Katie I said are you enjoying this And she went

No no Cause she wanted to see it Really bad Yeah I think to ladies It looked cool In the trailer To me it looked like

It was fine It's a honk a shit It's white get out With like in the In the 40s In Palm Springs Olivia Wilde is not Doesn't have any clue What she's doing She doesn in palm springs olivia wilde is not doesn't

have any clue what she's doing she doesn't know what act one two three doesn't know what how to make a movie or anything she made act one of the matrix two hours long because the whole the whole scene is just her being like what what's going on something weird happened black lady killed herself so that's bad and then that's the whole that's the whole fucking movie it literally makes no sense the whole first hour is like white people having a party and then there's the whole fucking movie. It literally makes no sense. The whole first hour is like white people having a party and then there's just a black lady screaming in the corner and nobody does anything. Everyone's like,

they got out again. It makes no sense. I don't get it, yeah. It's just wannabe pseudo fucking intellectual artsy horse shit. I did the thing where I looked up the ending to the movie as I'm coming down the escalator out of the AMC and as soon as I get outside I read what the ending is and I go what the

fuck what that can't be the ending was it all a dream yeah cause that's what film students do Olivia Wilde was just a hot chick in movies that would like blow Amelia

fucking whatever blow a gangster in a movie or some shit and I don't know who she sucked off to start being allowed

to direct features and then she got book smart which was like awful super bad God she stinks her entire career her entire acting career

should be her going like Tony what's wrong the massage the more interesting main character of the movie shut up Her entire acting career should be her going like, Tony, what's wrong? The massage is the more interesting main character of the movie. Shut up. And then what were they doing? Weren't they like... I like her head. She does look fucking weird.

I like her head. I don't like her head and her Kirk Douglas chin. I like that I can see the bones in her head. Yeah. She looks like Megamind. She does a little bit, yeah. And her and jason sudeikis weren't they like fucking like doing like apocalypto style torture on her they're like made

weren't they both like didn't they like like get their maid involved in like a web of lies and then they blamed their maid on everything yeah they did i know she was like accusing him like uh it was a thing where she's like i don't know did he rape me and it's like why are you accusing him of rape because you should if he didn't rape you you should definitely say he my my former husband jason sudakis did not rape me right you shouldn't like leave that up in the air for people to connect and she's like she's like yeah i should say that a funnier way to announce it would be ted lasso raped me be like a goldfish olivia hey there chicken she doesn't remember getting raped

coaching her through it you know the easiest animal to rape it's a goldfish gotta live in the moment olivia i made you these biscuits as morelda my maid who i i tortured psychologically did they torture no they did look it up jason Sudeikis was like texting the maid like, I really hope you didn't tell Olivia what I told you, you fucking bitch. Yeah, just a woman driving from like fucking Riverside. Yeah, they're like accusing her of like, you know, where's my blue pen? Are you stealing? Yeah, and she's just like, okay.

See? Like, we're going to need you, Juanita, we're gonna need you to work on Christmas. Yeah, just vacuuming while Harry Styles fucks the shit out of his wife. Making her drive three hours so she could, like, fucking fluff their pillows. Fucking. Apparently, Jason Sudeikis

allegedly threw his kid's nanny out of his house as he was filled with rage over Olivia's relationship with Harry Styles. He said, you're going to get your stuff and get out. Why are you sending her messages? The woman claimed she responded to her boss, Jason, you've been drinking. I can tell that you're drunk.

You're very angry and I'm afraid of you. Hell yeah. Nice. The nanny alleged to Daily Mail that the drunken, out of control actor then fired her because she had been texting with Olivia Wilde. Hey, talk about horrible

bosses subscribe to the page uh the nanny also told the daily mail that she had plans to quit working for the family by the end of january okay hmm interesting no hmm well sounds like bullshit but i will say this other article is that he threw himself in front of a car, which I will read. Yeah. It was like Olivia was about to leave to go suck off Harry, and then he weighed down in front of the car, which is a real cock move. It's so, so gay. It's so gay.

At that point, just hit your wife. Dude, I know. Just go the other way. Just become a real scumbag. What are you doing? You just keep getting cocked like that? Yeah, sacrificing your body. Just become a real scumbag. What are you doing? You just keep getting cucked like that? He is sacrificing your body. This is a really cucked marriage.

He became distressed when Wilde tried to leave to see now-boyfriend Harry Styles with a salad and her special dressing. Yeah, you know it's cum. It's a bunch of romaine she shoved up her pussy. The special dressing is pineapple jizz Her face kind of looks like You know in photoshop when you can make the face Like the center of it all come into one

Center she's got kind of a down syndrome But it looks like the face is collapsing In on itself like there's a black hole started In her nose and it's It's like folding inward But like the time Like her face consists It consists of time it's... It's like folding inward. But the time, her face consists of time.

It's closing in on itself. It's like trying to fold like a basketball. Big forehead. Kobe's pilot should have landed the chopper on her fucking head. Oh, man. Poor Jason Sudeikis.

Sounds like trouble in paradise. I think it's over. That's why I don't want to become a big Hollywood actor. It should have been over after he saw Don't Worry Darling. I think it's over. That's why I don't want to become a big Hollywood actor. It should have been over after he saw Don't Worry Darling. I would have turned to her at the premiere and been like, we're finished. Excuse me, I'm going to go write the most twee bullshit of all time. I'm going to go give retards hope.

Yeah. I'm going to go breakdance in front of a Cracker Barrel. Yeah, I'm going to go write Yellowstone for people who are trying not to Kill themselves in Idaho I Jason Sudeikis is talented or I've seen him be funny and things, but yeah I don't know it's just ever this eats everybody alive you get the fame the Porsche Cayenne you get the maid Yeah, you just turn into a utter piece of shit You're roping in your fucking maid to your to your relationship, and then and then getting angry at them. That's crazy. Just wait until the Patreon hits

20,000. We all start. You'll get a little taste. We're all gonna go real weird. I'm gonna get the surgery that fucking Kenny Rogers got where his face doesn't look real anymore. I just have a big plastic face and a jet black beard.

I'm gonna get veneers. Those big fake teeth. The celebrities think we can't I just have a big plastic face and a jet black beard. Yeah. I'm going to get veneers. Yeah. Those big fake teeth. Big Joe Biden teeth. Yeah, the celebrities think we can't tell. The teeth that go over your teeth, right? With like, they hot glue them in. They literally like file your teeth down so they can glue like a big tooth over the top of your teeth.

Yeah. And no one can tell. Yeah. You basically get like Mickey Rooney breakfast at Tiffany's surgery. You just turn yourself into an Asian stereotype. Yeah, they do just pull the dentures out of like just old racist joke, like boxes from the 50s. Like just a kit for Catskills comedians. Yeah.

All right, well, I'm a millionaire now. Time to, can I get that mammy surgery? Yeah Alright well I'm a millionaire now Can I get that mammy surgery Time to make my face look not human anymore Can we show off Gracie to the camera by the way Gracie get over here Gracie

She's finished Gracie come here Gracie where's your ball Look at ball Look at your little outfit Look at her I got Gracie this hoodie that's too small So number one it makes her just look like

Fucking you know Nicki Minaj Her huge ass She looks like a whore right now But we put it on her and I thought She was like about to kill herself She's just gonna swallow the ball and choke Gracie was shot by Tory Lanez earlier today. We love Gracie.

Yeah. I think it's offensive no male rappers are defending Gracie right now. Oh, he got convicted, right? For shooting. Yeah, I think so. My buddy Tino, he was at the trial. My friend Tino is like he's like black forrest gump he's in he's a part of like every major like event in modern american pop culture

history he's had an incredible life i didn't mean like he's retarded he's he's just in amazing he's in like famous photos in the last 10 years somehow yeah and he said he was like at the trial and he said that uh that it wasn't fair that like they had no actual evidence that he shot at her or whatever but i don't megan the stallion i really don't care this is the stallion yeah i don't care yeah i don't care who cares i don't care she's got a big ass and titties and i like that about really big ass and titties yeah she's yeah she's hot she got i kind of want her to like beat me to death with a hammer you know yeah like that's how she's i want her i want to put my head on the floor and have her jump up and down on it yeah and fucking crush my skull yeah watermelon yeah i want her

to burp me i wanted to drag me behind a car in a big truck yeah yeah i want her to help me beat the shit out of my maid i you know what i like about ladies like that is when they just go i want my ass and my tits to be the same size which they're perfectly they could walk on their hands and you can't tell but you don't know what's going on

you could put them down on the floor at any point and they would rock back up like one of those punchable clowns a weeble wobble I want to be a human I want to be a A weeble wobble. I want to be a human. I want to be a human weeble wobble. Her body is shaped like a mathematical

formula to Planck's equation or something like that. Everyone just got what the caveman brain wants. All women just got that surgery like huge tits and big ass where it's like oh my you know she'll be able to give birth to my kid yeah she looks like a pregnant dog she's got eight tits that descend from her belly she looks like a digimon yeah i would love that if rap culture got to the point where people are

getting a second pair of tits put under their first pair they're getting like belly tits yeah or just getting one yeah like total recall style yeah just one big tit did you take both tits and but i would do one big titty two nipples oh okay on this side and this side Oh, okay. On this side and this side. Why? Because it'd be awesome. Oh, okay.

Because it's awesome. Because it's awesome. Yeah. Dude, if the Patreon gets big enough, I'm going to get my girlfriend a second ass. An ass under her ass. Yeah, I'm going to get her a BBL on the top of her back. There are dudes, like in the old days, it was like, I can't wait to buy my wife a house. Now it's like, I can't wait to buy my wife an ass. Yeah, you know, this year's been tough there at christmas this year's been tough i had to you know get that second job so i can get meg her ass um but it's gonna be all worth it

you know apparently you have to keep getting it redone every three or four years really that's what reddit's saying it just rots to a song in your youtube comment like an old tomato now it's a fact in my head. It just turns. I went to a Kanye concert when the Life of Pablo tour was happening, and it was women like that. You could see there was syringes still in their ass. You could just pull them out and be like, honey, you forgot.

Yeah. They blow around like a balloon. So a doctor and a nurse are still chasing after her. Like, ma'am, you have to... We have to take it out. The bib with the hole in it is still on her back. Yeah. With clipped...

They're at the dentist. She's got a big IV. She just put Bacardi in. Bacardi-Lamon. Man, it would be my greatest honor to be killed by a woman like that. Yeah, truly. I would love to be killed by a woman like that. Yeah, truly. I'd love to be crushed by a woman like that. I would love Serena Williams to beat me to death with a tennis racket.

Every man should die by being killed by a woman eventually. Maybe that's the only way you go to heaven is if you get killed by a woman. Yeah, you get to be the biggest misogynist piece of shit your entire life, and then your wife on your deathbed beats you to death with a hammer. Yeah, you get to be the biggest misogynist piece of shit your entire life, and then your wife on your deathbed beats you to death with a hammer. Yeah. Turns your face into soup. Yeah.

I could see everything going south for me, and then just going down to the strip club and paying someone to kill me. Just like, can you meet me out in the truck in 20 minutes? And they just get in the passenger side door and get in, and I'm drinking like Andy Dufresne at the beginning of the Shawshank Redemption, listening to music from the 1940s. If I didn't care.

I just hand them a gun. You were in the old suit with the big tie. You're getting your life has gone so badly that you're not even getting a professional mercenary to kill you you're like just finding a guy who needs 500 bones oh but the podcast is wildly successful just walking in and seeing a guy with a salt life cut off t are you going hey buddy how'd you like to fucking choke me to death how'd you like to fucking choke me to death? How'd you like to make $20? I'm still bartering with the guy. I'm like, I'm getting him dead.

Cut the cum down. He's like, what do you care? The guy's like, all right, I'll do it for 20, but I get to jerk off on you. You're like, not until I'm dead, pal. Don't try to pull. And then while you're about to die, he's totally jerking off. You're just rolling around in a pool of your own blood. Well,

the guy's just beating off. You're like, no, kill me first. I bet you could, you could pay probably someone to kill you for like 20 bucks.

Probably. Probably. Yeah, probably. Go to like downtown LA and just give a guy like a fucking sword

to get someone to kill you. I watched like all those true crime things and like these, like women that would would try and hire a guy to kill their husband. It's like 10 grand. Yeah. That's it? Yeah, dude. It's like a used Kia.

You could just have your husband wiped out. Yeah, that's kind of cool. I have enough money to kill one person. Yeah, we do. Legitimately, we all do. Well, I don't know. So from the patreon every month we could we could just have a couple people killed if we get up to 200 000 we'll have somebody killed

every month we'll have one one lucky fan will get killed by us we'll randomly select you from the patreon and have a trained assassin kill you but we show up their door at their door like we're a youtuber doing a giveaway and they're just like oh my god is this? Congrats. We're gonna kill you. We're gonna kill you. There's just a guy with a hood over his head tied up. We're like we'd like to thank the fans for helping us reach our goal.

We blow his head off. There's some of our fans I think. Like one guy sent me a video like love the podcast dude and he's like i think he's like freebasing crack on like christmas morning just watching the podcast i can never tell if they're being serious about the drugs they're doing oh they're doing drugs they all say they're doing they're doing all the time oh yeah and i'm like get out of here what no they're putting a podcast they're putting the podcast on a projector on the side of their home, and the police are enclosing around the perimeter.

Yeah, like swarming like rats. As they're smoking crack. Like at the end of The Departed when Frank Costello goes down. It's 3 a.m. They're blaring the podcast on the side of their home with a projector balanced on like four or five tires, and police are just doing this. Just Frank Costello and the bulldozer bleeding out. This is putting an ass on your back.

I just hope that they get the Tesla truck. For me, do the Kid Cudi voice one last time. I'm an identity. Talk about Tyrone one last time. Johnny! Play the Tyrone bit

for me one last time. Man at the end of his life. Can you play the bit about fat people on airplanes from Lemon Party episode 3 retard heaven that will be the title

of an episode at some point well it's this one now hey come on YouTube won't allow that we'll bleep it as his lawyer I tried to get him to make a will and testament this one now. Hey, there you go. Hey, come on. YouTube won't allow that. We'll bleep it. As his lawyer, I tried to get him to make a will and testament, but he said it was cringe.

His possessions will be going to the state. Yeah. He said it was cringe and he wrote on this cocktail napkin, give it all to the Patreon. We don't know

what that means. It's in no way legally binding. So this $470 will go to the state of Florida. I think we have to go so we can record another. Yeah, great. Because otherwise the camera will die before the second one. Perfect.

I got to figure out a way to get a bigger battery or like a bigger battery or something. But this is what you guys wanted. You wanted a better camera. This is what you get. It's great. I think we get way more audio downloads than viewers, right? Yeah. We're like 70-30 audio video.

That's how it should be. I think we're like 60-40. I'm splitting. I'm not trying to take away from people that enjoy watching us, but I genuinely think, even like a cinephile, I think seeing a movie in the theaters is a totally different experience. I do feel like it's a different experience to just

listen to... That's why we spent so much money on the audio gear. Listening to the podcast in your car, you get to kind of... To be fair, you guys don't know, Ben dropped like fucking four Gs on this audio equipment. It was because of the Patreon. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you guys. I guess this is also the last episode

of our little two month start of this year. Is it? Yeah. Well, it'll be out next year. Oh, yeah. It'll be out January 3rd. Oh, okay. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. Check out Devin's new channel.

Yeah. YouTube.com at Lemon Party. Check out Devin's new channel. Yeah. YouTube.com at Hate Watch Pod. Hate Watch Pod. Okay. That's the episode. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. I'm sorry. Thank you.