lemonparty - 011: Hot Cheeto Duraflame

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

more audio/video episodes on the private feed: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty www.sheathunderwear.com promo code lemon for 20% off 00:00:30 coke zero roto rooter 00:02:30 water diet 00:04:37 cowboy bath 00:07:43 speaker of the house 00:12:30 democratic national convention 00:17:20 nextdoor 00:19:45 insurrection memaw 00:23:10 buzzfeed 00:31:00 modern hollywood 00:39:45 superior taste 00:43:00 using google / taki's / hot cheetos 00:47:20 sheathunderwear.com use code lemon 00:49:50 corporate life used to kick ass 00:57:00 the DSA 01:01:30 gracie enters 01:02:30 emma 01:06:00 the museum of tolerance ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

okay now we're on. Alright. Excellent. Excellent. I gotta check the camera. You gotta do your soy face. Yeah. I can't do soy face every week. Well, what is this even? I think your face is just soy.

What? Look at, oh my god. That's a guy, and then there's another guy here? What are you fucking kidding me? This is crazy. I'm going to click that thumbnail. Oh, that thumbnail has a guy looking like a complete jackass? Better watch this video then. Better watch that.

That looks like void of any artistic integrity. I should click that. I was worried this was intelligent, smart, collected, and well put together. But now that I see a big retard pointing. I'll click it. I was worried this was intelligent, smart, collected, and well put together. But now that I see a big retard pointing... I'll click it. I'll devote my life to that. Get the Coke Zero in. We should be...

Coke got a... They got a sponsor. I only drink these on the pod. I'm not a Coke Zero guy. It's a treat. I can tell. This is like your big thing. It's a cigarette.

Yeah. God. They're not good for you at all. No, they're terrible for you. I mean, what's even in thing. It's a cigarette. Yeah. God. They're not good for you at all. No, they're terrible for you. I mean, what's even in them? It's cancer. It's the phenyl, phenyl kinaronics. It's phenol.

It's phenol. Contains phenyl and caramel color, which is that turns your liver black. It's just stuff that rots your insides. Yeah. It just rots you from the inside out. Yeah, that's why it's good. Yeah, that's why we like it. But it's like,

it's probably doing, I bet with all the bad it does, it does some good. I bet it cleans you out in some way. Like a Roto-Rooter. Yeah, like it's got a, yeah, like it's killing you,

but at the same time, it's like cleaning the pipes. Because if you put that in your toilet, it would like kill everything. It's a good, well, you know what's funny is you can use Coke to clean up other things that are like really in there.

I know. So this is running through me right now. Just getting rid of all the bad stuff. That's what I used to convince myself of. I'm not kidding. When I used to drink a lot of soda, I'd be like, I think it's killing some of the bad stuff in there. Yeah.

Like, you know, my bacteria that produces, like, dopamine and stuff like that. Exactly, yeah, yeah. It's killing my neurons and happiness. Yeah, you're foaming like an old sink when you pour the thing down it before you wash it out. I used to think if you drank a lot of water when you had dinner

that the water, like, somehow washes the food out of you. Yeah, I'm so retarded that i still kind of think that i could i could eat like 12 snickers bars with a knife and fork i'd be like well i'm gonna drink two glasses of water yeah so i can't absorb the calories i do that all the time after a horrible horribly unhealthy meal yeah you drink a big glass of water you counteract the effects you think the water's dissolving the food i think it's just getting i think i think my intestines are like slitter bond where it's just shooting the food through it oh that's interesting yeah to me i think it's just turning it into pee so i'm just

peeing like i eat like three musketeers and then i drink water and it's just pee now it's just yeah it's not it's not calories i drink water right i have water i have done that thing where they say like drink a bunch of water before you eat so you won't eat as much but then i forget so i just do it after the meal and i feel like i'm gonna throw up yeah because i just had like 1900 calories worth of like burgers i'll have a meal so unhealthy sometimes i don't like take a shower afterwards thinking that the shower like cleansed the soul like you just saw a whore yeah you're taking a shower and then you sneak back into bed brush your teeth Devin just goes to Golden Corral and

comes home like a cowboy taking a bath yeah you know they take baths like six times a year then there's a big event and a big tub with his legs dangling out like that yep suds everywhere. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Big beard, prospector hat. Yeah. I'll do 10 push-ups after I eat like 5,000 calories. I'll do like 10 push-ups.

I'll be like, yeah, my heart, I think it unclogged like the bad part because I did the 10 push-ups. You did 10 push-ups. I did the 10 push-ups. It unclogged it. I'll eat 5,000 calories and then at the very end, I'll be like, I don't need the rest of this bun. I'll put the bun away and I'll be like, that would have killed me. That last half of the bun.

And then like 30 minutes later, you'll come back and eat the bun. And then I eat the bun later. You pick it out of the trash like a raccoon. There's a lot of cheese on it. It's pretty good. Can we talk about the cowboy bath for a second? I would love that. They're covered from head to toe in crud. And then they get in the bath.

And then they just sit in their shit. In their own shit. It makes no sense. You might as well take a shit in a toilet and then get in it. Baths are very strange. It's weird. There's no chlorine in the water. But the cowboy bath specifically, they would just grab like a bucket.

And they'd pour it over their chest into their dick area. And they'd be like well i'm i'm good yeah and then like an old whore with gonorrhea would like wash their hair just some whore her tits are just pressed up insanely compacted into these insane things and then like a chinese like general store owner would like scream at them in the back yeah he'd throw lye in the bath because they thought that got you clean because it burned your skin off yeah but it was basically like showering with roundup it was giving you cancer yeah they were so dirty like the bath water was like solidifying by the end like it was turning into cement yeah no the only way you should have bathed back then there were a couple

pros to the cowboy bath one it's so dirty you can't your penis isn't all weird and through the water it's not refracting crazy sure and freaking you out you look down you go oh shit yeah it's so dirty you can't your penis isn't all weird and through the water it's not refracting crazy sure and freaking you out you look down you go oh shit yeah it's all weird you're not getting the thing where your dick goes like that and then it just bends at a 45 degree angle it's small at the base and then gets bigger right it comes up to grab your dick you almost got to do like how they spearfish where you got to aim in front of your dick like two feet you had to jack off you have to aim right you're like staring at the water like fucking cast away yeah just grab your dick because you feel like you're jacking off up here because of the way the water moves everything uh but then the other the other big pro of bathing back then is you could just

jump in a lake and then everybody smelled like shit anyway so right just being like the bar was so low then like if you just if you walked around with shit in your ass it was totally fun oh you have a turd literally like you could be fucking a woman and there's a turd sticking out of your ass that's completely fine yeah you could turn around and then fuck her with the turd sticking out of your ass yeah like you're doing you're doing reverse cowgirl but with a heart and the turd just made out of like copenhagen and like old buckweed and shit yeah yeah yeah no rim jobs back then provided a lot of protein for people i do like the idea of like there had to be one guy in the os who went and got a prostitute and just ate her dirty pussy after she

fucked like 20 guys who looked like the judge from Blood Meridian. And that had never happened before. She's like, what the hell was that? This fucking gay pervert. This guy was gay. This guy made me cum on purpose. And they

hang him in the town square. And her pussy just looks like rotted bulgogi. It looks like two roots on a tree meeting. It just looks like raw meat that got oxygenated. Yeah, you want to put it in a pot of boiling water. It looks like you left her pussy in the trunk for two days. So who do you guys think the Speaker of the house is going to be?

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a shit. I saw that joke online. I saw people talking about the speaker of the house. We need to talk about events. Enough of this cowboy bat shit with the turd out of his ass. God forbid we were exploring the past and making funny observations. No, what's happening now?

What's now? Elon! Guys, let's talk about the retards who are doing the play for us. Come on! There's not going to be any people talking about this. Guys, the news is fake. Now, here's my opinion on it. You're going into Carmen voice on purpose now.

Oh, yeah, I guess I am. There's so many comments that say I'm doing Carmen voice. I've seen that, too. It was just kind of like, that's what a retard does. Now I don't know what my retard voice is anymore. I mean everything. I think it's like shades of your life.

You go into different types of retards based on people you meet. You know? They're upset it's not a highly specific retard. You go Cartman retard. I can't.

I can't. I can't retard. Chase's retard voice is my favorite. My retard. He's exasperated. Yeah my retard voice is like

I thought I told you I wanted chocolate milk. Yeah, your retard voice is the guy that's like, can I say something? Like, um, excuse me. Actually, the Speaker of the House is very important to how laws become bills and stuff. What does the Speaker of the House do? They speak.

They get the big hammer. They have the hammer? They have the biggest tits in Congress. Right. They always get big bolt-ons. That's why Nancy Pelosi looked like that. She had really big nipples. And they go, you're just the Speaker of the House, I guess. So we don't have a Speaker of the House? It might be, oh, because Nancy Pelosi,

the stupid bitch, she left, right? Yeah, she retired from being the Speaker of the House. So it's like new stupid bitch or new dumb asshole. Is that our choice? I guess. I hope Elon just buys the house and then makes himself Speaker. Right. He can just buy it, right?

It's like on Zillow, you could just buy that building. Can you buy it? And you're like, I own this building now. And that's where all the laws are made. So then you just move in yeah they should make congress electric yeah and elon's posting on twitter he's like should i make it being gay illegal the vote's like 98 yes every every artist you know is getting thrown in jail yeah that'd be pretty that'd be pretty

kick-ass, actually. He didn't step down, by the way, after his poll where he lost. Yeah. He made a poll saying, I'll step down if you guys want me to. Vote yes, step down no. And it was like 65% yes, step down. Most people were like, yeah, that'd be totally awesome, dude. And he kept responding to the tweet as the vote was becoming very clear that nobody wanted him to be the head of Twitter.

Yeah. He responded to it and goes, and by the way the way i will adhere to the he kept trying to hide it like when you send a text you don't you don't want it you didn't want to send so you send like hey hello kkk like just to try yeah he was typing clear over and over again sending blocks of it and then he responded to it and he said by the the way, remember the old saying, be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. Right. I was like, what are you doing? I don't know, man. I really don't know.

He's like the he's the fortune machine and big. Huh? Oh, the Zoltan machine? Yeah, he's that he's that gay thing. Right. He's wearing a turban. He can only do things that aren't really real. He's a walking. Yeah, he's a walking monkey's paw gay thing. Right. He's wearing a turban. He can only do things that aren't really real. He's a walking monkey's paw.

Yeah, exactly. Where he's like, I want an electric car. He's like, I will give you the electric car, but it will also explode and kill you. Classic monkey paw scenario. It sucks that the only people that should be killed in a nuclear attack will be the ones that start it. Yeah. You know? And they'll just be totally fine. And they'll be fine, yeah. that should be killed in like a nuclear attack will be the ones that like start it yeah you know

and they'll just be totally fine and they'll be fine yeah they'll be under the green briar in that big vault yeah don't they have like towns underground that he has he has tunnels and stuff yeah he built under places yeah for fun i did watch like one big holes tiktok showed up that was like and they're they're just voting to whether or not to adjourn and it's like they're like all in favor and then the republicans like yay and then the democrats are like no like they're trying to overshadow them i'm like can there's just somebody just shoot every one of these people no that sounds like people working together for the betterment of our lives yeah they all work together they care about us they're working together isn't that fun

when they play a big game with our lives? I like that they get $140,000 until the day they're dead. Whether or not they're working or not. I thought about like

putting on a Peter Griffin shirt, like a Family Guy shirt and going down to the bar and just pacing and I keep biting. You know when like people like bite their shirts like this?

Oh yeah, yeah. Shirt shooter. Yeah, like retard Kobe. Yeah. I'm just pacing with my hands behind my back yeah but who's gonna win the speaker the damn dims gotta take it right and it's like two o'clock in the afternoon in a bar and everyone's like would you shut the fuck yeah yeah like you just like bet too much money on the ruckers game i'm not having a panic attack i was at this bar that I watch I used to watch every Lakers game out with my dad we went there one time two years ago to watch a Lakers game and we don't I don't care about the LeBron stuff but we were just trying to like rehash the old days and we got there early we have the game on we're watching it and they changed the channel

in the middle of it to the Democratic National Convention yeah or and uh like on c-span or something like whatever i don't know it's yeah i don't know and what even is that what is the democratic national convention democratic national convention means it's just they come out and they just they like have a line of trans kids and they go like these are gonna be like the next yeah president god bless you. God bless you. God bless you, son. I'm a girl. It's just like Joe Biden sniffing the cock of an eight-year-old. It's just the eyes wide shut party

but with the little trans children. And he's okay with it because it used to be a girl and so he's into it. God bless you. Her hair still smells like L'Oreal. The testosterone hasn't made its way into the hair yet. Hasn't hit the hair yet. He's like, still fresh, still good.

With his big, long fucking Nosferatu fingers. So this waitress, my dad and I are like, whoa, what's going on? We came specifically for the game. We're here for the game. This is a Lakers bar. And they go, well, sir, these people have been here since 3 p.m they're waiting for the democratic national convention and they that's what they want to watch and we turn and there was this like group of just just women that look like those type of those modern women that dress like

they've they've they're getting beaten every night like those modern women where everything is going well in their lives they eat sweet green 30 times a day and they live in an amazing place in silver lake but they dress with like weird blanket like they dress like they're hiding bruises they dress like they've been in horrific accident they dress like they're living in a tenement building yeah yeah they dress like just constantly like like their husband is j Braddock or something. Exactly. So they have the outfit you get when the police are comforting you outside your burning home and they put a blanket on you. They're like, this is mine now.

I'll wear this everywhere. They're all wearing silver blankets and they have little cups of coffee that they're drinking. And they hold the mug like it's warming them, like that type of woman. Sure. Woman. And I look back and i go you're really we're here to watch the lakers you're you're really preparing to watch the democratic national convention and she goes like yeah what's your problem and i go that's retarded

and then my dad like started like trying to be me and he got in like a fight with the waitress it was a really crazy night. We got thrown out of our local place. Your dad's like, Devin, please, I got this. And then he immediately gets, they pick him up and then throw him through the window. Yeah. Your dad's like so much worse. He's like, I'll kill all of you. I'll come to your house and

butcher you in your sleep. It was so annoying. Oh, that's great. I just couldn't believe people. You should turn around to them and be like, you know the only difference between that and the Republican one is it's blue. In the background, there's a blue wash of lights shooting up rather than red. It's literally, that's it. That's the difference.

That's the only difference. I was like, hey, you have a dumber team than I do. I think I said that. Oh, nice. I was like, you root for a stupider team than I do. Nice, dude. And then I think I said, and LeBron's on my team. Oh, wow.

And I hate it. And it's still not as retarded as your team. And they're like, we don't know what it is, but it sounds black. So great job. They're like, we're trying to watch Billy Porter butcher that Buffalo Springfield song. We're trying to watch Billy Porter bully 80-yearfield song. We're trying to watch Billy Porter bully 80-year-old men because

he has a dress on. We're trying to watch the VMAs if they ruined the country. Can you let us watch the VMAs of ruining? We're trying to watch the Hunger Games ceremony. Stanley Tucci comes out in a big top hat. A big top hat.

He goes, oh, death to everyone, but the gays less death. By the way, if you turned on the Lakers game, they would think it's a rap video. Oh, for sure. They would have no idea what's going on. They think it's just black people getting cardio in, like in prison. Oh, so they have cameras in the jails? Yeah. They have to watch basketball games through a slit in their window.

Because that's how they look at every black person in their lives. They have to watch basketball games through a slit in their window because that's how they look at every black person in their lives. They have to open the window like this. What are they up to? They watch the Lucas 60 point game and they go so that's Eminem, right? He's the white one? It's the same type of people that are on Nextdoor every day. They move to East LA

to an up and coming gentrified neighborhood and they get on Nextdoor and they have to tell everybody like, hey guys, there's like a Mexican in my neighborhood. Yeah, there was a man pushing a lawnmower across my lawn. Is this a little strange?

There's like a Mexican with like a backpack. I don't know, it's kind of weird. Like, I know I live in a neighborhood called Hacienda Heights, but it's kind of weird.

There's a man who comes and mows my lawn and then he steals $60 from me every week. Does anybody know about this thief in this neighborhood? People that are scared that there's a guy selling fruit. Yeah.

Like half a mile away. Yeah. They're assuming the fruit just has cocaine burrowed in it. Yeah. They're like checking the mango for El Chapo. And then later on. I've seen Breaking Bad. I know what's going on.

They go set up a big GoFundMe For the fruit man After they accidentally Get him reported to ICE They get him reported Exactly They're like No I was just

I was worried about The food regulations So I called the government And said to send him back To that hell hole That he came from Because I care About the community

No I don't want them To be in cages But get them out of here. It's not a cage. It's a big wire fence they can't escape from. Is this fruit legal? Is this legal fruit? They're arresting

the fruit. Putting handcuffs on the fruit. Cops show up and start beating the fruit with batons. The cop is planting fentanyl on the fruit yeah then there's a big march for papaya yeah did you see all these cops faint by the way they say there's like fentanyl from the fentanyl dollar bills right yeah they keep passing out having seizures and stuff oh that's great yeah there's what it's not medical like people keep coming out

doctors are saying this is literally impossible yeah you can't just get fentanyl soaked from a dollar bill into your finger into your system you start like od so it's just a bunch of drug addict cops it's clearly a cop who like just like frisked one of those white women and stole a bag of cocaine right like od'd on fentanyl yeah he's like, no, there was a black guy with a dollar bill that I touched. Yeah, they're either doing the drugs, which a lot of them do, or they're just doing it for attention. Right. That's all it is.

Yeah, they're like prima donnas. I didn't see that, though. It's much more interesting than the Speaker of the House gives a shit. Burn it all down. This is January 6th today, right it is january 6th the best day in american history and i stand behind that yeah truly the funniest day to ever exist the funniest best day to ever happen okay there is no tragedy that happened on that day nanny ma

what's her name what's her name insurrection mimo insurrection mimo should be remade into the statue of liberty yeah we should they should sink the statue of liberty off of alice island and erect an insurrection mimo with her holding that big mason cup with the straw in it with her water what is that it's like a mason glass yeah she has like one of those like cheesy 15 plastic mason jar with the handle on it. Yeah. She's like, it reminds me of when I used to throw peaches at Negroes. I saw there was stuff I forgot from January 6th that was so funny. I saw the picture of the black security guard doing the no look pepper spray on a guy. Yeah.

That was great. Yeah. He was like going through the legs with the pepper spray. Yeah. Like he's LeBron throwing to Larry Nance. God, she's just amazing. Look at her. I mean, she was great. Yeah, he was like going through the legs with the pepper spray. Yeah, like he's LeBron throwing to Larry Nance. God, she's just amazing. Look at her. What a sweetheart.

Imagine being upset at that woman. We tracked down Capital Mima. Interaction Mima is a better name. Yeah, Interaction Mima is funnier. Oh, by the way, quick shout out to the guy who made this sign. We didn't even know him. Oh, yes. Yarmul... Yarmies or Yarm...

Fuck, where's the cards been? They're right over there. We'll do it at the end of the show. Right. I'll put his thing in the description. And his name's Josh and his store is Yarmies, I believe, in Baltimore. And he's an incredible furniture designer. Yeah, go figure out what he is and then go follow him.

God, she rocks. Yeah, she's great. She really should be on the $20 bill. It's Yarmles. Yarmles. Yarmles. How do you spell that? Y-A-R-M-L-E-S.

He's making stuff out of things. Baltimore, Maryland. And the man that wrote us the note and stuff is named Josh. And thank you so much. They're both incredibly beautiful. It's a great one. We really appreciate it. He made us this computer.

And as an Easter egg, he hid hard drives of CP inside this computer. That was the weird part. That was the strange part. Yeah, 20 terabytes of CP. She's amazing. I would love to honestly have her on the podcast. i'd interview this woman in a heartbeat she's amazing just handing out fucking uh coffee flavored candy yeah now she's getting interviewed by andrew callahan just being like so are you a skater i saw did you guys watch guys watch the Callahan? I did, yeah. January 6th doc.

I saw he confronted a guy about being a pedophile. I saw a funny clip of that. That was pretty funny. It's all funny. Like, he's good at getting retards to be retards. But it just felt like a bunch of his videos in one big video. It's all serious now. Everything has to become like this was a planned attack. Like that these people actually thought that they were they were staging like a

coup right they don't know what that means they don't know what coup means it's too fucking french sounding like we ain't doing no gay coup we ain't doing no coop what we're doing it's called a strategic walk into the building and get shot. Oh, shit. She wasn't at the Capitol. She wasn't? There's a fake picture? There's one problem with the meme.

The woman was not actually at the Capitol in D.C. on January 6th. I wish I didn't know this. This is BuzzFeed news. This is like a Corgi wrote this. A retarded Corgi wrote this. I don't trust them either. BuzzFeed? That was the best thing about Trump was when he started going after buzzfeed it was hilarious henry kissinger's granddaughter wrote this article what are you talking about yeah i dated a girl who was a big writer at

buzzfeed she grew up in hancock park in a mansion that's all of them they're women that were like they were they were uh somebody walked past them uh very quickly at quickly at Disneyland and they accused them of rape. They accused the wind of rape every five minutes. And they said, would you like to write listicles about which type of dog has big dick energy? Hey guys, we're doing really important work here at BuzzFeed. Today we're showing you how to put chili in a sourdough bowl. I'm a journalist. I'm a journalist, I'm a journalist Ben

I'm writing an article about how it's not sad that Lizzo has small tits even though she's that big I'm writing an article about how being fat is healthy that's my contribution

yeah female incels incels yeah who's like dad's like founded Raytheon or whatever I did a video at BuzzFeed

it was early on really I know you did when I thought it was like I thought it was a big deal. It was like the only Back when you and I would find jobs and we're like me and Devin, we're kind of good for the next few weeks. We're making $60 today. Cash.

It's not tax. Yeah, that was. I would do anything for anything. It would be a 14 hours of work for like 50 bucks. And you would get free lunch and dinner. Yeah, but the lunch was the worst lunch ever because everyone's like a vegan so we all had to get like veggie grill yeah so i had to eat like a tofu cheese steak or whatever the fuck eating out of those like cardboard bowls that they serve you yeah with a spork with a wooden spork yeah a biodegradable

bowl a mexican woman is gonna throw in the garbage later. It was insane, though. It was a... I watched them make, like, seven videos at once. Because that was... Because they're all the same. Because they're all the same video. So they would be, like, making a video and then be like, we need a girl. Hey, Jessica, can you stop doing the fake thing you're doing?

Come over here and be in the fake thing we're doing. And they filmed, like, videos that all fake thing you're doing? Come over here and be in the fake thing we're doing. And they filmed videos that all got equally, they all got millions of views. They were meaningless videos. Jessica, you're a Disney princess who's enjoying boba. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's it.

And that was, thank God, they're, I think, failing. We reimagined the Disney princesses if they were Twitch streamers. Yeah. Jessica, you're kind of the brownest person here. I think you're Italian. Can you tell us which type of Korean street food is the most racist? Jessica, you went to Montclair, right?

That's kind of impoverished. Jessica, you're writing that piece about how popsicles are ableist right can you come over here we're making a horrible video yeah we're making a video about it's okay that cardi b raped men when she was a stripper she drugged and raped men and that's fine we're talking about how cool that is but if it was a man we'd think he should literally be shot in the street think of the sketches they do that don't make it to air, where they're like,

we put a bunch of GoPros on some puppies and released them in Compton to show that black people love pets. And they're like, that one didn't make it to air. Most of the guys, it wasn't a fight. Yeah.

They go, unfortunately, there's two French bulldogs in the battle of their life right now with the buzzfeed cute infographic there's like videos guys blowing smoke into the lens just method man behind the french bulldog like throwing dice like get him They have so much stuff that doesn't make it. Yeah, they're reviewing the footage. They're like, Ted Cruz did this.

Right. This is why this happened. Imagine the BuzzFeed videos that don't make it. Oh, everything they pitch now ends up being probably racist. Yeah. It probably goes too far. make it oh everything how bad do they pitch now ends up being probably racist yeah it probably goes too far are they've somehow like done like they were trying to be so good that they like somehow work their way into like so we did a video where we're euthanizing homeless people

so they don't have to be poor anymore yeah they just like turn into like yeah like fucking dr krivorkian yeah or some shit they've turned into like manic pixie dread characters. Right. Yeah. BuzzFeed's list of 15 reasons why your dad paying for your college is actually misogynistic. Oh, you have to cancel your father for paying for your education? Everything's bad. You know why your dad actually paid for your college, Jessica?

Because they taught you to be racist in med school. That's why he paid for it. Think again. When your parents fly out to see you on Christmas, it's much more sinister than you think. It's always much more sinister. It's always much more sinister. They have evil intentions. Your parents are white, but you're not.

Oh, no, the truth is actually quite dark, Jessica. Your parents, what are your parents, Jessica? They used to work for IBM. They don't have jobs anymore. Oh, that's interesting. Interesting. Interesting. So they don't want to work?

Jessica, you used to be white, but now you have press-on nails, big, long nails. So you, Jessica Hitler, are no longer white. Jessica Wilhelm Auschwitz Hitler. Because you have long nails and you go click, click, click on your phone, you're no longer white. You're no longer white. Jessica wears big hoop ear rings, so it doesn't matter that her dad was the architect of the Holocaust. Dude, BuzzFeed is probably some weird occult thing where everybody's a descendant of some genocidal like warlord i i sincerely think if you go to like the eyes wide shut party in the like the schedule 30 minutes where they're like okay so all of our daughters

are retarded right can we make can we make a fake newspaper so they can all pretend to work like it's like it's the newspaper version of richard scary's like town you know jennifer you'll tweet for big gay ice cream right you're the tweeter for that account you're the reporter equivalent of a big raccoon wearing overalls and a hammer just hammering a nail into a piece of wood you're a builder in the way Bob the builder was a builder like you have that you put on a little hat yeah we'll put you we give you your car is one of those Barbie cars that four-year-olds drive. And your office is a big play place assembled out of plastic.

And you go to a computer that's not plugged in and we slide different pieces of paper behind the computer. Let's say either woke or fucking racist. Dude, I don't even know. Jonah Preddy runs BuzzFeed, right? He's the owner. It's Chelsea Predetti's brother. He co-founded it. Yeah, Chelsea Peretti's nose runs it.

Her left nostril runs BuzzFeed. IT Adrian Brody runs BuzzFeed. I mean, I can't believe they're still running the website. They still do this shit. Who the fuck goes to this, though? 25 hilarious hidden messages out in the real world that prove people are really, really clever. Okay, all right. I'm going to click on this.

And who wrote it? We can't. I don't know. Let's not talk to them. Yeah, let's not. We can't start publicly talking to people. It says, this clothing company that drew hands on a barcode as if it were a piano oh my god that is crazy yeah and this person went to school to like in theory i'm assuming like

study the killing fields in cambodia or something right now they're like no i'm gonna be in kuwait i'm gonna be like talking about like you know human genocide and things but now they're like it looks like a piano this is what they do why hot pockets are racist dude that's what's always was funny to me about guys that i always specifically thought was funny about guys that moved to la to work in film and then they end up like because the job is a job they end up working for tlc my 600 pound life or whatever and he's just like he's trying to be like, he's trying to do like a Terrence Malick thing as a cinematographer.

Yeah. Like lowering the camera to show him sitting upon the toilet or the squatty potty or some shit. Yeah. He's taking a break from the Thousand Pound Sisters to go like read his new Karasawa book that he got. Yeah. And he's like, I think I got a really great,

great shot of that person addicted to Tide Pods today. his new Karasawa book that he got. Yeah. And he's like, I think I got a really great, great shot of that person addicted to Tide Pods today. That's what all I think about when I see like bad shows and bad movies is the amount of work put into them. And you actually have to have

all the people on production, in production, have great skills. You meet people on these sets where you're like, oh my God, your talent is completely wasted on bullshit.

The amount of work put in. Spending their whole life doing that. Their whole life. Where there's a family like, Daddy can't be home for Christmas because the sex life of college girls just got renewed for a third season. We're not going to see Daddy

for a couple months. But that's the thing. If you're watching that show with your wife, she's at home. Next year she's going, oh my God, that scene was such

a giant hunk of shit. And you would turn to your wife and go, it took seven hours to set up the lighting for it. It looked great. And then he points at the TV to some actress

and he goes, and this bitch had a lot of questions about her character's motivations and that held us up for another four hours. That stupid bitch. What do you think

you're making fucking, it's not a Fellini film, you dumb whore. We're making something to upload to Netflix. These things don't even have premieres. They're uploaded like you upload the podcast. It's just some guy at Netflix uploading the newest hunk of shit. They're aired on the Snapchat news stories. Yeah, they're airdropped.

It's a guy like... They're filming the menu on an iPhone're filming like the menu on like an iphone and then the guy's like yeah it should work upload it to hbo max he's just editing it like in tiktok and then exporting it without the watermark he edits it on the iphone when you like oh we got to cut that part so you just drag it and he doesn't even pay for the editing app so it has the fucking stamp across the front of it. The watermark? It says like splice on it. Editing wizard?

Yeah, you can pay $2.99 a month. He's like, well, that's the premium. He goes, you know, probably the hardest part about editing is waiting for the mobile ad to stop playing so I can exit out of it. He's at home point. He goes, and so right off camera

in that scene, there was a writer who got the job by pretending to be trans. And they were watching porn on their phone the entire, this entire eight hour day. Oh, they were a freaky pervert. Yeah, they were freaky. Oh, so she was messaging nine year olds on Instagram trying to fuck them.

And so she wrote this whole, they wrote the season in 45 minutes. They did a powwow oh she she got the job she claimed her dad was emmett till and then we finally figured out that the the uh the timelines make no sense at all just in terms of actual time we finally figured out what she really meant was her dad killed emmett till yeah it's a piece piece of shit they're all pieces of shit i feel bad for all those people because they i i'm glad that they're the only people in film that are making money though at least they actually get paid decent day rates for their for their skill sets that there's a lot of productions going on so that it's like the wild west they can make more money like the people

were the working class people on yes yeah those are the only people worth talking to when you're on a set. Everyone is so mentally ill. Everybody in the thing is completely gone. The people making it and the people in it are mentally just gone. The only guy that's interesting is the guy lugging

the lights around. That's the only person that you want to talk to. That guy's good at what he does and then there's the guy who. That's the only person that you want to talk to. Yeah, that guy's good at what he does. And then there's the guy who's like one of the producers that's there who's super stressed out. I've seen those guys on set before and they're shopping for new Mercedes on their phones and they want to kill themselves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're killing themselves over if you went to the head of HBO. He's like, we make that show. I've never heard of that. I've never heard of it. I've never heard of it. What is it called? It's called Gay Cousins.

What do we do that show for? Oh, right. It's the all gay black show that we have so people don't give a shit for Succession. It's a big billboard that we have to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, black gay, black gay, black gay. And then we have the good show right here. Yeah, no, actually I work on Succession now, but I came up in the stupid black PR and then we have the good show right here yeah no I actually I work on succession now but I came up in the in the stupid

black PR shows that we produce so we can make the good shows that we want to make dude you know but now I'm working on Game of Thrones you know what we should do

we should create a suicide hotline that calls people to try to get them to kill themselves and it calls people specifically like that from the patron

we should start employing people to cold call people and start digging a little bit about their life and then deciding whether or not to convince them to take their own life. We should form our own CIA is what you're saying. We should become Nick Kroll's dad basically.

Yeah. But for good comedy. Kroll's father. Incorporated. Yeah Nick Kroll's father. Oh what do I do for a living? I have retards killed. I have them killed. I have them all killed.

Have them all killed, but it's private sector, you know. None of that public work with the bad pay. It is funny. We accidentally riffed our way into the most interesting show on television if they made that. Oh, yeah, by far. By far. made that oh yeah by far by far if we the the setting of the show is some weird third world weird thing in the mountains of spain or something and we have a team of people that are cold calling people the united states we're getting senators to kill them so it could even be woke we're getting

like republican like we're just harassing people on the internet calling them getting them to finally take their own life yeah we're like war dogs, but we just hire a phone center in Thailand. And we're like, you call Perez Hilton all day until he kills himself. Creating fake advertised content to make them think certain things about themselves and what the media is saying. Publishing fake articles. Negative comments on their vlogs and shit. Fake blackmail. Yeah.

I would love that. Yeah, hiring bots to comment stuff, like kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. Right, right. Hiring Thai people to pretend to be 12-year-olds to message Chris D'Elia over and over again all day. And people are like, why did you do it? And we're like, it's funny. It's just a fun goof.

We thought it was funny. We thought it was funny. We thought it was funny. We just really hate comedy, so we thought it was funny. We thought it was funny. We thought it was funny. We thought it was funny to call in a bomb threat to Netflix. We thought it'd be funny. We thought it'd be funny to lock the doors of Viacom and burn it.

Burn it to the ground. So we were re-watching Inglourious Bastards and we got to the theater scene and we go, what if we did that for real? Now we know it's not very original, but we killed everyone at HBO. I mean everyone. Except Secession and the guys

who just repost Sopranos every once a year. And the lady that's Dana Gold's ex-wife. Because he had some great specials. He had some great specials back in the day. Very underrated. Simpsons season 3 through 10. Who could forget? A little bit insufferable, but not as annoying as other comics that we grew to hate, who we grew up

respecting a lot. Definitely lived too long, but it's fine. Still a genius. Still a genius. Just a sad divorce man now. I hope the show gets big enough that we can never meet any of our idols that's that's my dream i love dana gold so much i know i love it so much i know but i love just the idea of like we've done the show so long that we've we can't walk down hollywood boulevard oh no we can't leave our home yeah we're like boarding ourselves

people are like those are the guys that threatened to bomb our building. That's the sign of greatness. We can't even order at Postmates anymore because it's just poisoned. Yeah, the Postmates driver's poisoning us because he is the lead in a show. We've talked shit about every living human being in

LA. We're six years to the show and we've run out of people and we're like, and that taco stand on Figueroa. Fuck them. We have nothing left. We have nothing left. We're doxing a guy that makes pastor. I went to that shop. It was amazing.

Fuck him. Just to fucking just feed the machine of this podcast. Oh, God. Which is funny. we love so much though yeah we don't just hate and we don't think we're better someone messaged me like oh you think you're better than everybody else because you have you think if they don't have the same taste as you and stuff then that's exactly it retard that's the whole point of having taste if i don't think i like it i think you're's the whole point of having taste. If I don't think I like it, I think you're dumb. The point of taste is to separate myself from you, who is worse than I am.

You're worse than I am, and that's why I talk loudly about it. And if you argue with me about it, I'll just talk louder than you do. I'll talk louder, I'll talk through you, and you don't do this. So why don't you start your thing, and you tell us about all the horse shit you think's good. Tell us about it. Yeah. Really give an impassioned speed about all the shit you're pretending that you like. You in a very humor

filled way, you do that. You go do that. Yeah, that's the whole point. I love when people also, they're like, I don't know that reference. It's like, yeah, you're out of the loop. Your whole friend group hates you. They think you're the retard in it. Well, that's the interesting thing.

You don't get to go, excuse me, I'm out of touch. Imagine if you read a book and you knew everything in the book. What would be the point of fucking reading it? Look up stuff as we talk about it if you don't know about it. Also watching it on your computer being like, I don't get that reference. Let me scroll past the new browser button

to type into the comments, what does this mean? Let me say, what does this mean, as opposed to Google it and not out myself as a fucking retard. I love that. The amount of times I've been at parties, I don't get something, and I just silently pull up my phone and start Googling it. You don't go like,

I don't even get what you guys are talking about. Want to know why you don't do that, Chase? Because it would make you look like a dumb fuck. Yeah, I pull up my phone and I go, ah, yes, Kirkengard, one of the, I mean, you know, one of the great, and then I reach for something I barely know about, and I go, well, you know, Nietzsche, he beat a horse and he died insane.

And then the person who knows what they're talking about goes, well, you're kind of attached to what I was talking about. I guess I'll allow it. I'll not embarrass you in front of all these people. And I go, if you do, I'll call you. I'll accuse you of being a pedophile when you leave. I'll tell everyone you fucked a kid.

I don't loudly proclaim at parties that I don't know what words people are using. I go into the bathroom and I look it up like a civilized retard. Well, that's what... And Devin, I love that you're a civilized tard. You gotta be. I love that you're a civilized retard. You gotta pretend. You gotta go, oh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And you go away. You don't go, I love that you're a civilized tard. I love that you're a civilized retard. You gotta pretend. You gotta go, uh-huh, uh-huh, and you go away.

You don't go, I'm dumb. I love that there's this weird thing with the internet where people are proud to admit they're dumb. You're not dumb for not knowing, so you're ignorant. But you don't get to go, I don't even know what you're talking about. You don't get to say that out loud, shithead. That makes you look like a moron. At the very least, just stop talking. You don't get to say that out loud, shithead. That makes you look like a moron. At the very least, just stop talking.

You don't talk. You're supposed to feel out of the loop. That's the whole point of references. They're supposed to, it's a filter for who I want to be around. You're supposed to do that at your job. If your boss goes, hey, do this. You don't go, I don't know. I don't get that and I never will.

Your boss is like, can you do this? Can I please be fired right now? Can you just fire me? You're supposed to all day at work, you're supposed to type into Google how to and then fill in. How to file corporate taxes. I don't know. How to do coding. I don't know.

God. Most of the coding I've heard is just people Googling how do I code this. And then they just copy paste it's literally how i've learned to do everything in my life as i look i watch youtube videos and you learn you just learn doing anything by doing it right literally anything you just keep failing and failing and failing and failing when i worked at my fucking boomer job that was just 58 year olds who haven't died yet that's their only purpose in life is just buy things and then die in 20 years and you you would literally be like the fucking like guy who

worked behind me you are the more hateful one i'm such a because i hate myself so much i go through the comments and i have a spiral because one guy called me fat and then i i just i just go to my girlfriend i go you love me right and i just whip myself with chains one guy just types he just cracks his knuckles and goes kool-aid jammer kool-aid jammer and i'm somewhere in alhambra going fuck you're swerving in your leg yeah i'm like tony about to have a panic attack You're smoking a big cigar I'm like Hey You're trying to reach my Prozac but I'm dropping it

Driving like into the LA river Yeah I go through the windshield But later it's revealed to be a dream That Dr. Melfi is having Rewatching Sopranos If you can't tell Oh the coma stuff Oh no re-watching Sopranos if you can't tell no what were we just oh the coma stuff

oh no yeah yeah yeah no but we were fucking at work and I would literally have like the guy behind me be like

hey how do you like the incredulous cholo guy I told you about he's awesome I met him by the way he's awesome yeah yeah I love him

he's just like this cholo guy who's like like so like they put like peanut butter in an M&M that's fucking crazy, fool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just blow, like an acid. Childlike excitement. Yeah. When he first saw the jar where they mixed peanut butter and jelly together, he was like, y'all gonna have to give me a minute. Just give me a minute. Right. He tells his family to go in the other aisle, and he's just looking down.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Hold on. He's the guy, if you have like one of those like holiday party contests where they're like,

guess how many M&Ms are in the jar. He stands by it and he counts every single, he's like, one, two, three. It's hot Cheetos

with lemon? Fuck. But that's like, so it's cheese, it's spice, and I guess like, it's like sour too. He's like, it's cheese it's spice and I guess like it's like sour too he's like

I didn't even know you're supposed to eat hot Cheetos we use them in the winter for warmth like you just you're saying you've been

wiping hot Cheetos for warmth you shake the bag and it's like a hand warmer put it in your pocket coming home to his cabin and throwing a big Cheeto

on the fireplace like it's a it's a yu-wag he goes like fuck like fuck in your pocket. Coming home to his cabin and throwing a big Cheeto on the fireplace. Like it's a yule log. Like fuck this is like a tough winter in here. Yeah Takis are like starter logs for them. It's like a Duraflame.

Nikocado is the one who eats fire. It's a Mexican guy walking down the stairs at night and he's just holding a wet Taki like it's... Nick Cotto was the one who eats fire. It's a Mexican guy walking down the stairs at night, and he's just holding a wet talkie, like it's a candle. And he's got the big, long knitted cap. He's like, hey, who goes there for you? Like, who barely goes there?

Like, I was technically, like, basically walking down the stairs, and then you were, like, barely there, like, right in front of me. Yeah, there's just a guy... You were, like, basically walking down the stairs, and then you were, like, barely there. Like, right in front of me. There's just a guy. You were, like, basically holding a knife. Yeah, like, you're, like, barely robbing me right now. Barely robbing me right now.

Fuck, that's so funny. But anyway, he was, back to the point, he was just like, hey, how do you, like, airdrop something from, like, a Samsung or whatever? And I literally Google how to airdrop from Samsung Samsung and then I'd read the directions off of Google and he's watching me do it the entire time. And then later he'd be like, but like how do you save it though? And then I'll type in how to save photo on Samsung. He treats me like I am Google.

Like if he's out at a bar and he doesn't know something, he's like, hey, let me like call Jace real quick. He's like, hey, when did the 49ers win the Super Bowl? And I'm like Googling 49ers last Super Bowl win. And he's like, damn, Jace is like a wizard. He has like a box that he like talks to and shit. That's crazy. Emma, get over here, man.

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We're going to put sheath underwear on the dogs and let them shit and piss in it on the show. We should. Yeah, we should. All right. Thank you, sheath. Thank you, sheath. Bye. Back on the show we should yeah we should all right thank you sheath thank you sheath bye back to the show you know boomers just refuse to learn any new traits or attributes yeah they can't learn any new skills they never really developed any skills they just sort of like they had they

had four different suits of every color yeah their one skill is having a really way too firm handshake and that's it yeah always greeting people like you're meeting them for the first time where you just say your first and last name like it's fucking roll call yeah rick johnson nice to meet you that shit what is that it's a bizarre power grabbing a guy's hand way too fucking hard and they they meet they see each other every day and they still do that their their idea like rick bradshaw or. Or they say their name and shake each other's hand. They see each other every morning. Yeah, they think their idea of running a business is walking up to a guy and going,

you old cocksucking son of a bitch. Yeah. Right, that's doing business. You old sandbag and son of a bitch, you. Get over here. Get over here, you boner biter. Yeah, I haven't seen you since you raped your secretary, you son of a bitch you get over here get over you boner biter yeah i haven't seen i haven't seen you since you raped your secretary you son of a bitch you boner biting bastard

boner yeah they're giving a ted talk and they're like accuse your close associate of being gay in conversation that's the hr yeah the hr walk up to your co-worker and go you gay son of a bitch they let you out for sucking cock and they go you all but hey how you want this union contract you know just throw it at you and like what the hr is like now if you're in a scenario with your secretary should you refer to if you're not referring to her as nancy how should you refer to her and you're like should i refer to as a gay cocksucker? And they're like, no. They're like, you don't say hot tits.

Not again. Not again, Jeff. Instead of a goosing your secretary, what if you place your hand way too low on her back? And that's kind of a nice compromise. It makes her feel really uncomfortable. In the middle. It makes her extremely uncomfortable, don't get me wrong.

It gives you the power that you can go jerk off to later at night but you can't be sued for it because it's kind of a weird gray zone we're talking about compromises here compromises you don't you don't call calling her a gay cocksucker you call ted a gay cocksucker right wouldn't even make sense to call her a gay cocksucker now the equivalent of that is you could call her a stupid bitch that's too mean for the workplace. So let's settle on something like a hen or a whore. Something like that. If the new intern comes in, you don't say, wow, you have a great rack I'd love to suck on until I come.

You just go, wow, you have a great body. And then you stare right at her tits for way too long every day. And it's the gray zone. If it's like I'm tired, can I lay on top of her? Can I just go in the conference room, like lay horizontally on top of the secretary? Can I treat her like furniture? Can I sit on her?

Can I sit on her? And they go, well, are you hard? He's like he's like maybe half he's like it's totally fine go for it just someone raising their hand how many drinks am i allowed to have in the office a day uh we we think you should space it out you know one every 30 minutes yeah i don't go nuts i did at one of those security jobs all the security jobs i've done it's all the sales guys are just white guys who just pieces of shit look like me and all the installers are just Mexican and Filipino guys I had to do a sexual harassment training video with all the installers and it might as well been like I was in like prison watching I was in Shawshank Redemption

watching like a movie or something right people were just like hooting and hollering, going crazy. Just laughing their asses off. It was literally coming up and like, don't accuse a gay co-worker of being a fag. And guys are just punching each other. Like shaking each other and stuff. They have popcorn

all of a sudden. They're throwing boxes. That's great. Corporate life used to kick a lot of ass because you could rough a woman up and you could be drunk all day. It was like, really? I can't even believe you got paid to do that back in the day. Well, no, the only thing you couldn't do was rough them up.

But you could rough them up with words. That's what I kind of mean. You could corner them. You could around the edges. You could grip them up. You can't rough them up. You can't rough them up. You can't hit anybody.

Even in Mad Men, there's no scenes of like, you know, them hitting women. I think he like slapped Peggy once. He's like, get a hold of yourself. He like slapped her. He's like, L. Ron Hubbard's a retard. I don't know if they hit any women in Mad Men, but they definitely made them really uncomfortable. And that's great. You can hit your wife.

You can do that. You know, if you give her your last name, you can put your hands on her. That's kind of the rule. Right, that was the rule. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they really nailed how they treated black people in that show because Don would just get in an elevator and stare straight ahead.

To him, it's a potted plant. It's a tree. Yeah. On the weekends, he's just going around the neighborhood and just watering black people. They had black people in the offices back then because they treated it like, oh, they oxygenate the room. Like, they're good for oxygen.

Oh, they had so many weird things about, like... Like, you know about sanatoriums back then? Oh, you mean like crazy houses? I think it might have been maybe a few decades before that. Maybe that was early 1900s, but like they used to think disease came into the house in the dark. Really?

Like that's where disease was, so at night you had to close the windows. Even disease was black to them. They're that racist. C cop shooting at a jury like disease is tinted she's got tinted windows this is a this is big rims this is sundown town no germs after dark you get your ass across that county line ebola that was probably so many preacher sermons is they're like why is segregation bad doesn't god keep the light from the dark can we we don't have day in the night we have night in the night and then day in the day think folks think about it yeah and he's just

popping his suspenders yeah just a racist that's like black people day eight from the hours of 7 p.m. to 5 a.m. It's a free-for-all. Go ahead. Do what you want. Do what you want, brother. But in the day is the white man's time. Those guys wanted segregation of time itself. Where black people should sleep during the day and then work at night.

Yeah. They're like bats. They should sleep and then you know around around six seven p.m they start bobbing their heads making the music honey let's all go down to the bridge at sunset watch the black people fly away yeah they're kind of you know i was thinking the other day it's kind of like they're you know hg whales of time traveler they just all live underground come at a night steal one of the children you know eat them yeah i don't know where we're at right now uh we were talking about corporate life and how it used to kick ass it did it did used to kick ass yeah i

remember i was just thinking you remember that time we went to that open mic and there was a dsa meeting before it yep and we were with come on man we were with willie dynamite they were racist yeah can you tell the story for anyone that doesn't know what we're talking about it's the democrats democratic socialist association of america or whatever they all had their like pronouns and they were all wearing masks even though it was like 2018. They were just prepared. Every woman was like this big.

Weighed like five pounds. And every guy looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman. That is true. The DSA is designed for 35-year-olds to rape 21-year-olds. That is what the DSA is built for. It's for guys wearing Hawaiian shirts who look like

Larva to go like, oh, do you listen to Chapo? It is. A guy in a beret. Going up to a woman literally with a frog in a pocket on her suspenders. It's just a guy that looks like Jim Gaffigan trying to rape Dasha Nekrasova from Red Scare.

And everyone is dressed like a train conductor for some reason. Yes, but the little trains. Little tiny trains. A train in a dream. Everyone's like, what if steampunk was somehow gayer? Could you imagine? Like what they stood for, though.

Yeah, sure. Which was things like healthcare for everybody. Right, which is being very annoying in banquet halls. Well, they're ruining the healthcare for everybody thing because healthcare for them is like, all day I need to talk to a therapist that tells me that it's safe to walk down the street. So they ruined the healthcare aspect of it.

I never understood. Everybody I knew in the DSA just kept posting on Facebook back in the day that they couldn't figure out how to get on unemployment. That was their whole crusade. It's like, I've been trying for seven years to get on unemployment. And I don't know how to sign my name on this form. People on the DSA are like, how do I get my spleen removed when I make $7,000 a year? That's being in the DSA.

The DSA, sponsored by GoFundMe. We were at this open mic, and right before we got there, there was a DSA meeting. And so all these people start filing out. And we were with our friend Willie, Willie Dynamite, very funny comic actor. I don't know if he does stand-up anymore he's a he's a just a great really funny guy yeah and um he's there and he's like he's like man like i don't

know i might join the dsa like these women are like pretty good looking a lot of hot women here like just a very very very innocuous and just to us. Yeah, just to us. And then this like, this, this, this like fat white dude that looked like he was just made of a beard. Like he looked like a, like his dad was a beard. And his mom was a beard somehow. Yeah. Like he kind of like looked like the men in black roach guy. Yeah.

The sugar water guy. He looked like male Gilbert Grape's mom. Like Gilbert Gra grape's dad sure and he walks out and and we're all kind of making just jokes about it but like not we're not being aggressive or weird at all sure we don't even think anyone can hear us and he walks by us and as they're all filing out he goes up to he he says to all of us he goes fuck you to jace he goes fuck you and fuck you you racist piece of shit you, and fuck you, you racist piece of shit. And he's called Willie the racist piece of shit, who's the only black guy there.

What? Yeah. And he goes, I heard what you said. Yeah, yeah, I heard what you said, you racist piece of shit. And he walks out. They're so dumb, he thought being attracted to women made you racist. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, interesting. He didn't even know the right scene. I never thought I would connect that. He's interacted with so few black people, he thought Willie was in blackface. Yeah. He was like, I see your game, Trudeau. Mr. Trudeau. But do you remember?

Am I remembering it wrong? He thinks Willie Dynamite is Dana Carvey. He thinks he's on the set of Master of Disguise too. Jace, maybe I got it wrong. What happened? Wait, wait, wait. What happened?

How I remember, I might be misremembering it, is that he came up and he said all that and then you just loudly, kind of brilliantly go, what's the matter? Do you hate black people?

Oh, that's right. I didn't say that. Loud enough that the entire... The whole DSA was like, what? And then he was like, no! And he started doing

like yo-yo tricks and just tried to distract from it. He started doing improv. Somebody give me a word! He goes, yes and... Yes and no! Yes and no! And he turned around and just like slime trailed

out of the coffee shop. Yeah, the human slugs. Just people like made of dirt. Leaving just a trail of sweat. Just a pile of wet dirt. A golem, if you will. A golem. From Jewish folklore.

A mud snowman. By the way, when I first heard about the DSA, I said, that sounds like something for me. And then I saw everybody that was in it, and I was like, not today. Not today. Not today. I'll change the world when everyone with me is less retarded.

What's that? Every woman has bird bones? Yeah, right. Every woman has avian bones. You can't be in the DSA unless you have osteoporosis. Unless you look like the Olsen twins when everyone thought they were about to die.

Do your feet break when you tie your shoes? Welcome to the DSA. I'm going to go to the bathroom on that. Okay. We're almost, we're about in an hour. Yeah, me and Jason will go in for the wine down here. Yeah, we'll get him on the, we'll get him on the, We'll just talk about therapy. By the way, did you know Emma took a shit in front of the Holocaust Museum over here? Not you, Gracie.

It was Emma that did it. And it was a perfect little on the steps. It was laid in a swastika. Yeah, it's on the steps of the Holocaust Museum. And it was a cartoon shit. If you were drawing a shit in a cartoon, it was a cartoon shit like if you if you were drawing a shit and like in a cartoon right it was a perfect swirl with the thing it was a swirl it had two the emoji it had two bits of corn and green lines coming off yeah and she she's never shit on concrete before and as soon

as i'm on this long walk with her and as soon as i get in front of the holocaust museum she starts taking a shit yeah gracie starts barking uncontrollably like perfectly in the middle it was crazy and i'm looking at her i'm like dude yeah this you can't be doing this right now it looks it looks like i trained her on command so if we get too close to like a jewish building or something that she takes a big she's shitting and she lifts her one paw up like that while she's doing it you look and she somehow shit in a bag and lit it on fire

do you think they went crazy because they saw those big pile of shoes i know dogs love shoes dogs love shoes dude emma emma took a shit in front of the holocaust museum museum on the steps over there. Like right on the concrete. As I was walking, she just stopped. She's never shit on concrete before and she just started shitting. I thought it was going to be like the beginning of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. You know, I never thought I shared anything in common with an animal

until now. They are man's best friend. You do live suspiciously close to the Museum of Tolerance. I do. It was a big gag. Yeah, it's very weird. You do live suspiciously close to the Museum of Tolerance. I do. Like, it was a big gag. Yeah, it is very weird. Never been, by the way.

It sucks. It's all about the Jews over there. Yeah, yeah. They don't give a shit about any other Holocaust. They're fucking narcissists. They walk you through. They go, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

It's in Cambodia. Some other thing. But they were all, like, weird and tiny. Yeah, apparently they killed a bunch of donut people. Whatever. They killed a lot of donut salesmen and shit. Yeah, apparently they killed a bunch of donut people, whatever. They killed a lot of donut salesmen and shit. Here's our big one. Get a load of ours.

We ran the world. We were gangsters. We were gangsters, damn it. Oh, no. Emma always kind of does that in situations like that where she just does the worst thing she's like the racist dog she's the dog that barks at black people it's like she's a curbing enthusiasm dog yeah grace gracie hates gracie is the one who hates black people actually emma is anti-semitic it turns out oh man you got the best of both worlds yeah yeah gracie covers that base and emma covers yeah emma is black so she hates jesus yeah well emma's kind of more astute too even though gracie's

smarter but emma is like emma knows who's white passing but but not a but but a minority essentially so then she can sniff it out you know she's like a hunting dog. Emma's got street smarts. Emma's walking around flipping a big quarter up with that one paw. She goes, you know who runs Hollywood? You're like, Emma, Emma, you get the spray bottle because she's hating Jewish people. We're going down the Walk of Fame and we get to Mel Brooks' star and she just starts barking at it and just pissing on it. I can't believe you've never been to the Museum of Tolerance, you piece of shit. I've been to it plenty of times, but it's so expensive. Isn't it weird?

I actually don't know how much it is. Oh, okay. It would have been a funny gag. Should I see how much tickets are? They charge a lot. By the way, do you guys want to go to the Lakers game next week? Of course. Cool.

It's on the company. Hey, there we go. It's on the company. Yeah, we just don't understand how expenses work. At the end of the month, we're like, wait, we have to pay this? Oh, it's $16. Oh, that's not bad. Seniors get a discount of $3.

There's a guy at the front haggling on the price. Do Jews get it free? What if I give you $8 at the front, and if I like it on the back end, I'll give you another $8? I guess people know I live near this thing now, but not for long. I'm moving in.

What does that even mean? What do they go through every home, knock on every door? They're the actual Gestapo. Yeah. We heard you're hiding Ben Avery here. You know, there's no train, though. though oh they don't have a train in it that takes you through that would be nice

it would be nice for the gift shop you could buy those big round hats like it's one of those Wisconsin cheese hats yeah that would be great like you're a Packers fan but for Jews I don't even get why it gets so weird when we talk about it they should make a thing they should try to get more people in they should update it a bit I don't even get why it gets so weird when we talk about it. Can you... They should make a thing...

Like, they should try to get more people in. They should update it a bit. Like, where you walk in, you put on 3D glasses, so things, like, pop out. Like, the flame bars are popping out of you. James Cameron's Museum of Tolerance. Yeah, there's a ride. Yeah.

The Jews are blue! Yeah. Imagine, if you will, there's a crippled man who goes in a machine and he gets transferred into a bluer smaller weaker body yeah the the yahweh of water there we go we got it hell yeah there you go dude hell yeah is that the title of the episode the yahweh of water because we are ending here we're the yahweh of water i would never i would never type out god's name like that but sure go ahead yeah i don't know if you want to incur the wrath of the creator. We'll think about the name later.

We'll see. We'll think about it. I think this is the main episode. We never know, though. It is over now. It's probably the main episode. Yeah. But you don't know that.

You don't know that. This next one might be just fucking just unreal, and we have to release it. That's true. You never know. I want to say, in closing, I love Dana Gould. I think he's very talented and one of the best ever. Love Jim Gaffigan. Love Jim Gaffigan. Love Jim Gaffigan.

Love Dasha Nekrasov. She's been very nice. She was very nice to me the few times I met her. Love Red Scare. I love the DSA. I love the DSA. Truly. If you did work at an office in the 50s, 1950s, I apologize.

I didn't mean to offend you. And love Jews. Oh, love Jewish people. This may be the first one you should have started with. And I would love to work on all those shows we talked about that we don't like. I wouldn Jews. I love Jewish people. This may be the first one you should have started with. And I would love to work on all those shows we talked about that we don't like. I wouldn't. I have. It's a hellish existence and you're not proud of anything you've done.

It is funny the times where we're like, Devin, how was your dream? And you go, terrible. I felt good leaving and then I saw it and I was like, ugh. And then you go, oh, but the food was actually, no, it wasn't that good. The food wasn't even that good.

And my favorite person was the guy that holds the lights. Yeah, and then your mom's like, how can I watch you? You have to go down to the 71 gas station. If you use Pump 7, it automatically plays after the Jimmy Kimmel ad. My mom asked me, how do I watch that TV show you're in? And I go, here, let me give you uh my login for autozone.com because it's on autozone.com yeah it's it's it's on um autos it's on pep boys uh during black history month only yeah mom it's where you have to buy motor oil to watch no it's really it's a great opportunity for me i'm on the

first show on target's app mom so what you have to do is you have to buy a jet blue ticket you can only watch it on the plane while you're flying mom i'm in a show with the target dog by the way what is it with those shows where it because i've worked on the set of them and then it's lunchtime and there's a guy there with the food and he's like wringing out the the pieces of grilled chicken he's like sorry i gotta get all the moisture out of these and you're cutting it you're like this is the worst thing i've ever had in my life it's insanely dry everything's horribly dry and just it's it's it's because it's a guy squeegeeing like a chicken trying to get all the moisture out not enjoying food now is like a sign of progress. You can't be tasty.

Ironing cold cuts on a board. You're ironing big pieces of prosciutto. And then hanging it up on a clothesline. It's like, ooh, for lunch today it's lasagna made in a dishwasher. Great, it tastes like beef jerky for some reason. Oh, that's great. How's it dry?

It was made in a dishwasher. That's actually not beef. That's made out of a vegan compound that's much worse for you than beef. Yeah, yeah. You go, no, no, no, I'll be right back. I'm going to my car. I'm going to eat a bunch of gum. I'm going to chew a bunch of gum and swallow it

because I'm starving. How was your lunch today? Well, lunch wasn't very good, but the Hubba Bubba I swallowed is really holding me over. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. We have 13 episodes behind a paywall on the Patreon. Devin's podcast is very funny.

Hate Watch Podcast. He had a new channel. It got deleted. YouTube.com slash Hate Watch Pod. Check it out. And go to the Patreon. We got video on there, too. Some people keep signing up and say there's not video.

There is video. Yeah, I don't know what that means. Everyone asks questions. No one knows anything. It's unbelievable how out of the loop people are that are with you every day. They comment on the video. They go, where's the video? Scroll up. People that listen to the

podcast will hit me up and be like, dude, start a podcast. Love the show. Please start a show. It's astounding. It's these people, they live under beds or something. I don't even understand where they get their- With little sleepy time caps and a candle that they carry. Big sleeping cap and a candle, and they listen to you, but they don't know what, why, or how, and they don't know what is happening ever.

But they're beautiful people. Yeah, we love everyone. As long as you have a credit card. As long as that credit card keeps going through, we love everyone. I'm gonna kill you! Девушки отдыхают Thank you.