lemonparty - 013: Buc-ee's Buzzards

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty https://bluechew.com/ code lemon Follow AmericanGwyn on twitter and follow his substack: https://twitter.com/AmericanGwyn https://bloodmeridian.substack.com/ 00:00:30 hunters and taxidermy 00:03:00 yankee in the south 00:18:57 follow @ AmericanGwyn on twitter and his substack and bluechew dot com promo code lemon 00:24:11 yankee in the south ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are are now. We are recording now. I gotta do soy face. Ben's gotta do soy face for the camera. Stop the shit talking we can't talk about on the podcast. Yeah, go for it. Oh, that was pretty good. If I get down on my knee... Yeah.

Is that a good soy face? That's me. I kinda hate... I think I'm gonna look like like the thing in beetlejuice when she opens her jaw you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah you opened your jaw and then both of your eyes pop out in your mouth i kind of hate that you're becoming better at soy face as we keep doing these you are like you have like a real talent here. Oh, that's so off putting. Yeah.

It looks like you died in Iraq and we made you do soy face. It looks like I'm taxidermy. Yeah. Like, like clearly like you've died and we still need the podcast money to come in. So we've just stuffed you and we shoved you up on a chair. And we're like, Ben,

talk about the diaper thing. And then we shake you. There's something inside me just rattling around like I'm a Macarena. Taxidermy stuff is weird. I've never, I saw a photo of like a taxidermy. Like here, I'll show you this. Yeah. Yeah. Pull yeah pull it none of this looks normal to me where's my thing there it is i'm just gonna type in taxidermied

well because i never believed the guy actually killed it himself yeah too when you go into a rich guy's house he's got a whole bear there yeah it's like yeah i'm sure right you had a big revenant battle with that bear retard yeah you can see the bear mouthing no stop as it was just shot at point blank yeah you bought that fucking bear at pier one imports you fake tough guy yeah you can buy it at restoration hardware yeah with the long forks that extend i mean hunting i don't have a problem with hunting. I just always find it funny, hunter's philosophy and stuff, too. Like, they're always like, you have to respect the animal.

Right. And then they, like, blow its head off. It's about you versus nature. Granted, yeah, you have a U.S.-engineered Remington hunting rifle designed to explode an antelope's face, but it's still about man versus beast at its purest form. You know how movies are always, it's still about man versus beast that it's pure as four you know how

movies are always it's man versus man man versus nature or man versus uh god no man versus man versus man and then man versus himself i think yeah yeah those are the three oh no no and then man versus it's man versus technology and there's there's Man vs. Food, too, with Adam Neumann. Oh, sure. I forgot that. It's like a triple-decker burger. No, there will be movies in 10 years from now. It's just a guy who ate the 88-ounce steak.

Right. Yes, that will be the movie. It's a beginning, middle, and an end. Yeah. Triple D here in Amarillo, Texas. Right. It's a one-and-a-half-hour movie watching a fat fuck eat. Right.

The Rock will be in it. The Rock will come and be like, brother, you know I had to join you for one last ride. Yeah, Will and Don are in the Fast and Furious franchise. Look at that, Don. There's a bunch of Mexicans driving fast cars around. But they're secret agents? I don't get it. Anyway, let's get some cheese sticks oh i

love those two fucking retards they were in fast and the furious and they decked out there by the way look up yankee in the south if you don't know where you're we're gonna talk about them forever so just look them up and get well check out hey watch we've done extensive research on them we've done so much on them they have to know who we are at this point. I think they do. Because my video, the one we did, the Yankee in the South episode, and we did Will and Don Tober, we gave them a whole month.

Well, you also know there's a whole faction of YouTubers that hate Will and Don. That hate them. Their whole channel is devoted to hating Will and Don. They make like Brendan Schaub level hate videos about these two complete retards. It's really sad. They'll watch a seven hour live stream of Will and Don driving around to different buffets.

And they'll clip something at five hours and 45 minutes and 11 seconds. You got to see what Will said to Don. You got to see it, dude. They're like a modern freak show. They really are. They're the internet's freak show. They should be riding around in like a stagecoach all throughout America. And you pay a nickel to see the two big tarts.

Yeah, exactly. And if you pay 10 cents, Will shoves a Big Mac up her pussy. One man gave me a gold coin and I let him fuck the gravy out of Don. And people look at Don and they go, is that a bearded lady? And Will goes, oh, I didn't even think about that. Don, you're also a bearded woman. If they did a Fast and the Furious franchise with Will and Don where they souped up their shitty fucking yellow Jeep that pisses me the fuck off.

The whole movie would be them trying to put it in drive yeah fat and furious fat and the furious there we go yeah but it's just will being pissed that mozzarella sticks are 12.95 because he's such a cheap bastard he will go he to Texas Roadhouse and he'll go, man, they really upped their prices. A 64-ounce steak is $12.99 now. I'm like, dude, you know that's not. It's packing peanuts. They push together with glue. They spray paint it brown.

They heat it up and they give it. It's not meat. It's a steak made out of hardened Nutella, Will. Best case scenario, that steak's chicken, buddy. Best case. Best case. No, the healthiest Will and Don are is when they eat Taco Bell because the meat is like kind of tofu.

Right. They're like vegan when they get Taco Bell. Oh, I hate them so much. I know. Yeah. They're like vegan when they get Taco Bell. Yeah. Oh, I hate them so much. I know. But if they die, I'd be really sad. Yeah. Yeah, I would be too.

I would miss those bastards so much. I need them. Right. I couldn't wait to show you guys Yankee in the South. I know. I was kind of scared to show you guys. I watched them in secret for months. Yeah.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Well, you showed Ida first and Ida put them on one time and I was like, I can't. I was at such a point of depression in my life, I just couldn't do it. And then I realized, oh, this is great content. I'm going to shit all over these big darts. I'm going to shit all over these big fat darts. Oh, they'll pick you right up. And you're fine shitting

on them because you kind of feel like they can't get offended. They're not smart enough to get their feelings hurt, you know? No, I don't even think... If they saw the video, they'd be like, look, Don, we're promotioned. Yeah, they like us. They like us. That's how their videos hover at 20,000 views

because people that watch their content are suicidal. Right. So as they get new fans, people are also killing themselves off. That's the problem. Their fans are lemmings walking, and then they just go, oh, my God, look at these two retards, are also killing themselves off. That's the problem. Their fans are lemmings walking and then they just go, oh my god, look at these two retards and they just fall off.

It's a constant stream of people. Half of their Patreon is people whose credit cards haven't been cancelled yet after they blew their brains out. They're like, Don, good news, there's about five months before the bank realizes to shut it down. This guy killed himself in his apartment they haven't found him yet that's another ding for old will and d oh man yeah they're like so dumb they can't get that

they can't get the concept of being disgusted you know yes yeah yeah they they it's it's that that's too like foreign a concept. Look, I don't want to just always- Blam a little bit. There's one thing, can I show you guys, that really, really- Throw it on. Ben, of course. I threw my phone across the room. I broke a mirror.

There should be a channel like TCM. You know where the guy explains the old movies, Turner Classic movies, but you explain new retards on YouTube. You're wearing a suit. Ben has white hair like that guy. The 2018 classic, Will and Don at the Lone Star Steakhouse. Is my mic out?

Yeah. It just went out. I think my mic went out. Oh, is it back on? It's back on. Must be a wire issue. I don't know i think it maybe got unplugged or something we're good anyway now yeah the old retarded guy on classic

movies he goes when when don bit into that burger and all fell on the floor remind me of john ford that shot at the end of the search through the doorway. Yeah. God, can you scroll up the picture of him in the hat? Makes me so angry. He should be sponsored by Rosacea. Look at his awful face. Look at his goddamn

stupid face. Good God, dude. Dude, you will show me... You react to Will and Don videos like you just figured out your dad killed himself like you literally take your phone you go i can't see this right now i act like i just got a text that my son was actually my best friends like you i got a you are not the father text after my son is 19 and i've put him in college right right yeah yeah i get it i get it i react like i got a text that says by the way your sister is your mom and your mom is your grandma uh okay so i think so one that really pissed me off was don uh will's birthday dinner at texas roadhouse because he goes he had

a video i put it on my twitter yeah where he goes so i don't have to find it. His birthday. Yeah, yeah. When he turned 21 years old. When he turned 21. But he's made out of old saltwater taffy. Man, these retards love... Chase and I were in like a race against time to get to that joke. I saw him geared up. God damn it, he beat me.

That was like the fucking moon race. The cold war of Will and Don. Will, Devin, get that face there first will which one of these boys will figure out how to call them retarded next stay tuned for more i clip this and put this on my twitter this pissed me off so much listen to this nine seconds oh my god rare medium rare medium medium well and well this is cool for the birthday we're sitting near willie's oh my god i'm playing one more time so he's going through for audio listeners he's there's a picture framed photo at texas roadhouse it says how we cook them it says rare medium rare medium medium well and well It might as well be x-rays of a brain.

And he's like, this is oxygenated. This is lack of oxygen. This is full-blown brain dead. And that's mine. He thinks it's referring to how common the steak is. He's like, oh, rare. That must be expensive. Yeah.

But then well Means well I've seen this one before And he goes We should order well done Because that's probably The best one they made It was well done If it's done

It means they did it Right It's medium So it's like The middle size Medium well means It's like so so Right

It's like kind of around Like medium Like I've heard They make t-shirts in that We wear Quadruple XL You guys have a triple XL steak? Cook triple XL style?

Yeah, we buy our steaks at the big and tall store. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. What a giant idiot. We should start a side podcast where we only talk about Yankee in the South. Dude, I'm not kidding. I was considering just turning Hatewatch into full-blown. Every episode is about them.

In fact, people are upset at us. They're like, what the fuck? Well, your channel's obviously going to get flagged if you keep making death threats against the woman. Yeah, we weren't really making death threats. We were just saying. That's what it would lead to. It gets to that point eventually.

They're so infuriating. They're infuriating people. The fact that he he this is a noteworthy thing to him like oh look texas roadhouse does it all they do rare medium they even do medium well yeah he thinks it's a rarity right that they can cook steak at all right that's just the he's just figuring out the amount of time he is's just the amount of time. I didn't know they cook it. He thinks food just comes out of the back. He has no idea that there's chefs back there. He's no comprehension of any of it.

He keeps asking every waiter if they're Patrick Swayze. This is the equivalent. He's taking the big, the tin of peanuts that they give you and he's eating it like an ice cream cone the shell and the peanuts he this is this by the way if you are surprised by this this is one this is literally one degree removed from going to the hospital and going oh wow they make you all better here huh yeah they Yeah. They really do it all.

Right. Wow-wee. So this is like you fixed my broken tummy. I went to the hospital because they had to fix my heart because it had turned to stone. They replaced my heart with my kidney. The way they describe things, they can only describe food as having a lot of flavor.

Pisses me off so much. Every six months they have to replace his heart with a lot of flavor pisses me off so much six months they have to replace his heart with a new organ that hasn't failed yet just replace his heart with an accordion yeah eventually he just looks like neil young just with a harmonica and fucking drums he's he's like half cyborg in five years. So the one that, oh my God, let me just find this real quick, boys, because this one.

God, his face sucks. Yeah, it's really bad. He kind of looks like he got plastic surgery. He got a nose job. He almost looks like one of those people that he's tried to look sexy, but he couldn't pay for the rest of the surgery. Yeah, he looks like he got plastic surgery and they stopped 25% of the way in.

Yep. And didn't like sew the face back on. He looks like he sleeps in a beehive. What the fuck is going on? He's like, all right, time for my skincare routine. And then he rubs glass, broken glass, all over his face. Hey, Don, can you hand me that asbestos cloth? All right, time for my formaldehyde bath.

Just splash it all up on my skin. He looks like once a year he has to shed his skin like a lizard. He has to go back and forth and rub it and then there's a whole Will exoskeleton behind. No, he's lost both his legs multiple times. They just grow back. Oh, he's been hit by trains several times.

If you cut his arm off, another Will will grow into his arm. Like a starfish. He's been hit by trains. He's constantly getting hit by trains. Yeah. In the train industry,

they refer to that guard as a wheel guard because he's derailed so many trains. He keeps jumping in front of trains because he thinks it's a Coors Light mobile. Mm-hmm. Goes, oh, hon, people all over the world. Hon! Join in.

Remember that commercial, hon? He thinks Coors is just coke. He's getting fucking blackout drunk because he thinks he's drinking coke. Will's the type of guy that screams at Don. He's like, the mountains aren't blue, Don! Not yet, you whore! And tries to whip the can at her, but his arm just breaks backwards.

You know how people are storm chasers and stuff? Yeah. Do you think they do that with 18-wheelers on the freeway if it's a Buc-ee's truck or something? You're chasing the Buc-ee's. They put on transmitters and stuff. You're chasing the Bucky's. They put on like transmitters and stuff. You're talking on walkies. And they're just pulling in front of like a Coca-Cola truck or some shit.

Yeah, like they're in Twister. They're like, Don, that's an F5. We got to drop our tracking radar in that, buddy. They put trackers on every shipment of fudge around the country. They have a screen that looks like the air controller office. Dude, you know how many times these two fucking retards go to chocolate factories? Oh, yeah. They love going to chocolate factories.

Of course they do. That's the most normal thing about them. Are you kidding me? I guess it kind of is. They probably rob banks just so the blue dye squirts on their face. They think it's like blue raspberry. That's their only form of fruit consumption is the ink bombs inside stolen bags of money.

They even go, we don't even want the money, just give us the thing that goes boom. They're at the bank asking for the die. Shoving it down his throat, waiting for it to explode. Yeah. You guys got any of those money sour patch kids no when they're at a rest when they're at like a japanese restaurant they order the the uh octopus so it can like ink so it can shoot yeah yeah will will end up dying like you know when homer eats the part of the of the the blowfish that can kill you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'll die of the blowfish. He'll eat the poisonous blowfish. Right. He'll try to eat a stingray because he thinks it's a pancake. Oh, Don, look. Oh, Don, look. Don, look. Then he gets stabbed like Steve Irwin through the fucking heart.

He eats a stingray and then its tail shoots out like an alien. Shunami goes, oh, I got a little bit of acid reflux there, Don. Oh, man. I hate this so much. This video from two months ago. Play a little more. Play a little more. It's titled, What's New at Exit 407?

Which, holy shit. Give the Lemon Party listeners like a taste of like what they really are like because we haven't really talked about them that much Lemon Party hasn't done enough like everyone at Hatewatch is like a fucking they're like experts on these dude tards god they're awful

guys I want you to follow Aaron Gwynn you heard about him last week that's at American Gwynn A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N-G-W-Y-N. That's on Twitter. I don't know if he's on other things too, but Twitter's really where he kind of goes off over there. He's a novelist.

He's an Oklahoman, and he has a sub stack that's devoted to Blood Meridian called The Night Does Not End. And by the way, if you haven't read Blood Meridian, you need to read Blood Meridian. But even if you haven't, you should go check out his sub stacks. You can understand one of the greatest,

if not the greatest novel ever written. And the references we did on half of one of our episodes. Yeah, if you go to his sub stack, then you can maybe understand more about Lemon Party. But let me tell you about him. He's a novelist, a college professor, and he's a Lemon Party fan. Also, by the way, nothing better than college professors that are so cool they actually teach cool shit.

That they know people want to hear about. And you could still get across brilliant points throughout life through a cool thing. Stuff they genuinely give a shit about. Exactly. Thank God you like things. Professors suck, mostly. But this guy aaron gwynn is great he read the manuscript for my uh first novel and he really liked it that's awesome there you go uh so guys go to the link in the bio for the night does not end for his sub stack looks like it has audio on there and stuff i read a great thing he wrote in i think it was esquire yeah that's where magazine yeah um so uh go to lincoln bow follow american gwynn

aka aaron gwynn on twitter dig into his stuff and uh we want to thank aaron gwynn for supporting the lemon party show thank you aaron and hopefully maybe even sharing it with some of the students yeah like after after class. Let's be honest, Aaron. It's about time you start teaching Lemon Party in your college. Okay? The Greatest American Podcast. The Greatest American Podcast.

And you're teaching the greatest American novel ever written. That's right. All right. Blue Chew, folks. Devin, you love Blue Chew, right? Love it. Love it. Makes your dick hard dick really

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And you get to try it free when you use that promo code. You just have to pay. I believe it's $5 shipping. That's a great deal. That's tremendous. That's amazing. Chase, you have anything you'd like to add? Hey, I take Blue Chew and then I fuck my girlfriend with my rock hard cock.

And it's really nice. Damn straight. You should take it, too. I take Blue Chew because it's just fun to take things. Yeah, I take Blue Chew and then I fuck my girlfriend with my rock hard cock. And it's really nice. Damn straight. You should take it too. I take Blue Chew because it's just fun to take things. Yeah, I just eat it. It's just kind of sweet. It's like candy. I don't even know.

I don't have sex. I'm a eunuch. I don't even have a penis and I dig it. Me neither. I'm trans. All right. You hear that? Even if you don't have a penis, you can still take Blue Chew.

You can still use it. It tastes pretty good and it's got some vitamins in got some vitamins in it that's that i love blue chew bye okay so i'll just play the intro and then i'm gonna go to the part i want i want to take it to and don is just i mean don is like a honestly we should be able to call the police because don is being held captive oh yeah don is in a is in a hell. She's a catatonic woman being kept in a cage. She's being drugged. She's being kept in a cage. With something in a dropper.

She's being drugged. She's being drugged. There's something in her contact solution that Will puts in every night. Yes. She always has this stare. She was just raped by a bucket of chicken or something. And has to disassociate in every moment.

Staring into the distance constantly. Right. There's some videos where I swear to god she's looking directly into the sun for three minutes you can see like smoke coming out of her eyes dude it made me sad

the other day because he's walking around somewhere in Georgia and he's live streaming pointing the camera at his stupid fucking face and Don is dragging behind him and he goes yeah

Don wants to go see all this him he goes yeah don wants to go see all this wacky stuff like she wants to go to the haunted mansions and she wants to go to this and that he goes i told her what we do let's just let's say he's in augusta he goes why you know what you do when you're in augusta i say we eat and then uh after we're done eating we walk around and then we eat some more. We don't fool around with that other stuff. Don's like, yeah, you're right. He's like, all you do is you eat

until you're really full, and then you just kind of wander around the town. That is not the way to experience the town at all. That's the way to kill yourself. Yeah, he's abusive to Don. Yeah, yeah. You can kind of tell. He's like, no, we're going to eat

until we want to puke, and then we're going to wander in traffic. We're going to walk down Yeah, yeah. You can kind of tell. He's like, no, we're going to eat until we want to puke, and then we're going to wander in traffic. We're going to walk down the main street. It's a misery loves company situation. I bet Don used to look like Kate Upton. And he just force fatter. She keeps getting fatter, by the way. Of course.

He's a feeder. He's a feeder. He's sick. He's like Raging Bull bull but he's throwing a plate of twizzlers against the wall he's throwing the spaghetti from elf against the wall it's like pop tarts ragu they're all swingers too by the way like they swing yeah 100 they all swing chris and mindy chris you don't think i don't watch the side channels by the way chris and mindy no the satellites of this show i also keep up with too yeah his best friend chris always dresses up like a woman i don't know what's going on there yeah they go to the heart attack grill and they all fuck each other

yeah i've seen the video it's the restaurant where they you get to weigh yourself before you go in and if you're over 350 pounds you eat free is this really a real thing yeah it's in las vegas it's in vegas yeah oh that's good for us where everybody people stand on the scale and then it says like you know 470 pounds and everyone goes and they take a photo with themselves next to the scale they take a last known photo and they get to eat for free if they're over by the way you have to change when you go in the waitresses are dressed up like nurses and they put hospital gowns on you like the whole joke is you're gonna die at the table and they'll have to operate on you right holy whole joke is you're going to die at the table and they'll have to operate on you.

Holy shit, really? Yeah, and if you don't finish all your food, the waitresses bend you over and spank you with a big paddle. Oh my God. We can watch Will and Don go to the Hard Sack Grill right after this, just real quick. We're not going to spend the whole episode on Will and Don. Maybe they're all so stupid they can't wait to die

because they think soil is chocolate. Yeah, they think a tombstone is like a big cracker. It's a biscuit. Okay, I guess let's play a little bit more of the Will and Don. Do you think they went to the heart attack rail just it's the only like scale that can weigh them in the country? Yeah, it's the only one we have that is built. And it's the closest like scale that can weigh them in the country yeah it's the only yeah it's the only one we have that is is built yeah and it's it's the closest they've ever been

to a hospital is the heart is the heart attack grill yeah they think they're like all right my name gotta get our flu shots again this year let's go to the heart attack grill i think more hospitals should have ribs i like it there's medicine in the food yeah will will is giving himself heart medication like he's a dog he's rolling it up in cheese and then his heart medication is chocolate coated his heart medication is the the shot from Pulp Fiction. He has to take that once a day just to get through life. His breastplate looks like Swiss cheese.

By the way, in the comments, plenty of fucking retards that love following these two fucking worthless idiots around the country. Genuinely? Yep. Read a comment that's genuine. Okay, top comment. Oh, they don't have it with top comments. They don't have top comments.

They go through and fave, though. Will's probably deleting a lot of these. Someone said, the food looked really good and who could resist those Stover's chocolates? I mean, kill yourself.

Die quick. Please. For the sake of our country. Good to see that area, guys. And C is spelled with the letter C. And said, we had a Petros here, which is a gas station. We had a Petros here in our mall, Rivergate,

but closed 10 years ago. Good to know that they are still around. That's from Pamela Dulaney. I imagine you comment that from a car that's underwater. Like it's sinking. It's sinking into the river. Yeah, you comment, we used to have one of those. We used to have one of those 10 years ago.

How sad is your life that you're like, honey, you remember that gas station? I've been to your house maybe 500 times. I could not tell you the gas station on the corner. Yeah, I have no idea actually. I want to say AM, PM, but I'm not sure. The one that you live next to. AM, PM. It is an AM, PM. Yeah.

And they would call it... Couldn't assuredly say that. They'd call it AM, PIM. Oh, honey, it must be French or something. I don't know. No, that's how they say time. They're like, it's 8 AM. It's 6 PUM. It's yummy o'clock.

Oh, it's bursting with flavor. Right. They can tell time by orders of chicken nuggets. They just, they know six, they know the number six and they know the number 20. They wear colostomy bags for efficiency. Yeah. Their colostomy bags for efficiency. Yeah.

Their colostomy bag has another tube going back into their mouth. Don't want to waste all that food I ate. There's still a bunch of grease in that turd. There's some corn. There's some corn. There's still corn

in that turd. He's opening up his colostomy bag and dumping it in a skillet and just cooking it. A lot of people hate leftovers. Not us. Oh, God. Okay, I'm going to play a little bit. Surely people are aware of Will and Don at this point especially yeah they can see their big fat retard faces on the screen i think they're big orbs and they eat at every restaurant in fucking tennessee yeah i mean don is wearing a safari hat like she looks like she's like ready

to eat a giraffe they take what route 66 that's the one that runs all the way to santa monica they do that all the way to the s Monica Pier and stop and eat it at places that are just about to close they're eating at places where it's been totally condemned oh Route 66 places yeah yeah yeah it's the oldest highway in America yeah but they also they don't eat at nice

places they don't go to places that are like you should go to or places that are nice they go to cities and they go to I guarantee you are nice. They go to cities and they go to, I guarantee you, the worst restaurants you can possibly choose from somehow. Somehow they find the worst. They just eat at like Shaq. They eat at like

fireworks stands. Yeah, they're eating at bait shops. They're eating the worms. Yeah, me and Don got a bunch of night crawlers for the road. And then they go over the... Will's like lighting a firecracker and just swallowing it. He's like

lighting an M-80 and just swallowing it. Yeah, shooting bottle rockets into his own mouth. I like the little bees that spin I do the little turd guys I just let it go right in my mouth there I like eating some smoke bombs Smoke is coming out of his ears

Yeah You just hear His tummy's just like rumbling I want a literal I want like the US Surgeon General to watch their videos And be like we literally have no idea How they're alive like rumbling i want to i want a literal like medic i want like the u.s surgeon general to watch their videos and be like we literally have no idea how they're alive right we have to test their blood in a lab to see if they are immortal they have the first body that the government's

condemned like it's an old building they put red tape over their bodies They can dim their body. They can dim their body. They can dim their body. There's a homeless guy living inside Don. There's someone squatting inside of them. Yeah, taking a runny shit. There's like rats and shit. Yeah, they're treating their stomachs like a freeway overpass. They wear under armor to eat. And headbands and running shoes they put on like those wide receiver gloves that are really sticky

to just pick up their fork they're putting on the the the the dark face paint under their eyes just so they could look at some glazed ribs right yeah he's chalking up to eat a hamburger oh man i gotta take this off i gotta step off camera take this off buddy i think they're driving route 66 because they think the the town from cars is real they're trying to find the talking yeah they're looking for radiator springs oh my god. The two big fat fucking retards. I love that on the Patreon we can just publicly assassinate figures.

That is great. Is this a regular? Because this could be great too. Who knows? We'll listen to them. We never know. We record them both and then whichever one won't get us in legal trouble we release. We record them both and then Ben sends us a Google Drive of my favorite podcast.

Ben does. We're like after we record can you send me. I need something to listen to. We're massive narcissists psychos. Let's either that or we listen to like Fighter in the Can. Yeah I don't know what to listen to. We listen to our podcast are two rich millionaire

retards. Yeah, just pray. I was just like, I don't know. Louie's not on anybody's podcast this month. So let me just play a little bit of them so people can get a taste. We haven't played a single second yet except for that Texas Roadhouse clip. Just for that clip. We're today in Sevierville, Tennessee at Russell Stouffer's. We are.

What is it called? Pause. Pause. Even where they live is suffering. It's called Severeville. It's called like we're in severe dangerville. Yeah, yeah. It's severe in parentheses

obesity. Yeah. We're in a Tennessee. Here. We're in the lovely town of Myocarditis. We are here in Clotsville, Georgia. My grandparents live in Cerebral Hemorrhage, Mississippi. By the way, let's count how long it took for them to mispronounce a word.

Let's watch again. Oh, it's infuriating. We're here today in Sevierville, Tennessee at Russell Stouffer's. Okay. We had four seconds. She said Russell Stouffer's. Russell Stouffer's. Well, then she's thinking about the lasagna she's going to eat when she gets home.

She's thinking about Stouffer's. She's like, I'm going to eat so much lasagna after i go to the chocolate factory and eat a bunch of chocolate just eat imagine eating chocolate in a chocolate factory and going i can't wait to get home and get dinner this is tidying me over and trying i can eat again right as she's eating chocolate yeah they're going to the chocolate factory because they think it's like Willy Wonka. They're like, oh, Don, we could drown in a big river of chocolate. We could get murdered by some retard midgets.

Remember Ted Kennedy? We could do that, but in a chocolate river. I want to Chappaquiddick my wife in chocolate. We just donated ourselves to the Tyson Chicken Factory. We heard there were shortages during the pandemic everybody got coveted coveted one nine coveted one upside down six those fucking retards yeah we are we are recording right by the way yeah

okay why sorry I got weirdly paranoid out of nowhere oh yeah it's right yeah it's recording okay great

I just love shitting on Will and Don so much I'm like please yes this needs to be captured this needs to go out to the public Jason's like I'm just gonna record this on my phone too

just in case if this isn't being recorded how will they kill themselves this is our duty God sent us here to make these two people kill each other This isn't being recorded. How will they kill themselves? This is our duty. God sent us here to make these two people kill each other. It's funny to be like, we hate the people in our comments that tell us that we're failures and that we should kill ourselves. We're like, how dare you?

For a living, we tell these people to kill themselves. We're the ones who tell people to kill themselves. You don't tell us. Well, I told you on Hate Watch Watch we want to do top 10 retards that message us. For the Hate Watch podcast? Yeah, and we just go through and we just try and get them to die.

Live on the show? Just direct targeted harassment. We just go through their Facebook like, looks like they're with their family here. You're pulling up like R.I.P. dad posts. What a retarded looking family.

Yeah, it looks like, well, if you knew so much about comedy, why'd your dad die of cancer two years ago? So anyway, Justin Silverton, try talking shit next time. Is that one of the guys? I thought that might be a real name too. Is that a comedian's name?

It might be, probably. He's Jewish. I could think the made up guy. Every made up guy I do is Jewish, by the way. I can imagine them trying to kill each other.'re never gonna get more than eight minutes into this video no we're literally three seconds in and we're at the we've been recording for 34 minutes we've got three seconds i imagine them trying to kill each other like hitler and eva braun but will points the gun at Don's head and then it just ricochets off both of their

skulls like a game of Pong for like minutes. Inside the jeep it's just rattling around. And that's because Will only owns a potato gun. He only owns guns he can shoot food out of. We got a salt gun and a potato gun

that's how we season our food don't police officers can't they shoot salt rocks like they would just catch it in their mouth oh yeah they love rubber bullets that's how they season

their steak is with salt salt rocks they go to marches and riots hoping they get hit with rubber bullets cause they think it's candy. Yeah, Will's at Charleston trying to eat all the fire.

He thinks fire is just spicy food. He's just roasting a marshmallow on a tiki torch in charlottesville like i'm just marching with them because they're keeping me warm here i'm just making some s'mores the guy the guy in the dodge challenger was his postmates driver just trying to get away from him he's he's marching for blm because he thinks black people are chocolate yeah Yeah, he thinks it's BLT. Hon, we got to save our sandwiches. Hate that lettuce and tomato part, though.

Anytime I have the lettuce and tomato, I start feeling like a little better. But you know, he just gets the BLTs from like Arby's where it's just the bacon. It's not really, there's no lettuce and tomato really. No he orders a B. He lives in an Arby's. They have a cot in the back. They just wake up into the kitchen.

Yeah he is an Arby's. He is an Arby's. You pull into him. There's four teenagers working inside his body. You have to drive through his asshole. I'm a business. There's four teenagers working inside his body. You have to drive through his asshole. I threw my phone across the room. You threw something. I had to toss something. I want to start shadow boxing.

I'm going to start cutting myself. Okay, I am going to just try to talk over you guys so we can just kind of push through this a little bit. Let's push through start cutting myself. Okay, I am going to just try to talk over you guys so we can just kind of push through this a little bit. Let's push through to the intro. Got you. Okay, I know it's tough because every two seconds they do something that's the worst thing you've ever seen a human being do. They don't even know how to stand.

They can't even stand up. They don't. They really don't. They try to stand up and they're laying sideways. And you know what's crazy about this? They've uncovered that Will is looking at a script off camera for every video he does when he does these front facing things. Oh, wow. There's been a whole uncovering.

You can see sometimes the text outline in his glasses. Like people have zoomed in. It's crazy the work people have done. Do they have a cameraman? He's holding the camera though. No, he has like a teleprompter. So he can say like, we're at the front of the Cheesecake Factory today and I'm,

oh my God. I can't remember what he said. Yeah. His script is just, his script is just pictures he drew, like hieroglyphs. Oh God.

No, there's like a little deformed gummo child holding cue cards off camera. Just like, they're being, every video of them is filmed by the soft white underbelly guy.

The guy who goes on skid row and films homeless people. Yeah, the guy's like, this is darker than the incest family. Dude, sometimes I wonder if Will and Don are some weird Richard Linklater film that takes course

over 20 years. Is that what Are you shooting? Fat hood. It's fat hood. We filmed them over the course of seven triple bypasses. Boy food. Boy food. It supersized me, but it's 20 years long.

Yeah. They think children are veal. That's like the baby ones. They taste better if you massage them. If you massage them and then blow their brains out and put them over spit. They go to the nursery in the hospital where there's all the babies, and they're looking through the window like the fresh newborn babies, and they're just licking their lips.

There's saliva coming off their jowls as if they were a chow dog. Yeah, they think it's like the hot dog roller at 7-Eleven. They're like, all right, let me get that one in the back and the third one

from the bottom. Friend, I don't see your relish anywhere. I read this saying online about adrenochrome. How can we get our hands on some of that? What is that? Did Russell Stouffer's make the adrenochrome? I don't know.

It sounds mighty tasty, though. Russell Stouffer's. Yeah, because they think Russell Stouffer's makes Stouffer's Stove Top stuffing. They're fucking retarded. Yeah. Anyway, let's just get through the intro here. They think their calendar is Marie Callender's. Yeah, for every month they use an advent calendar

because there's chocolate in it. Oh, God. I can see. I love that we just can't stop. I have this mental image of Will sitting on a bench in a park, and a bird lands on him, and he eats it out of the air. Like he swallows it whole. Okay, let's go. Of course, we're here on Exit 407.

So our plan for today is we're going to head into Russell Stover's. Stover's. Stover's. Russell Stover's. God damn it. We're going to show you what that's all about. Then we're going to check on the progress of Bucky's because Bucky's is located right behind here. And then we're going to go over to the new Petro's Chili and Chips, which is located here on Exit 407.

It's a gas station food. The T on his hat stands for thyroid Let me play the intro for people that This is the one where he goes down the slide yeah the one where he goes down the slide yeah they're shitty and for everybody watching this is their shitty jeep and i they used to have this little white dog that died yeah i always wanted a car they're like yeah we had a dog and then we forgot to bring snacks on a road trip one time we ate ate all its food. We dipped it in Polynesian sauce and kind of just went to town.

We thought our dog's food was Chex Mix. No, they ate their dog because they pulled up the Chick-fil-A and it was closed. They're like, oh, it's a Sunday. I guess we're going to have to eat all Daisy back there. It's going to take us at least three minutes to get to

another restaurant. they tried smearing the dog's body on their yellow jeep because they thought it's full of mustard oh they go you know don when we bought this jeep it was white it's just got mustard stains all over it they dip their car in honey mustard. Yeah. Oh, God. They got a Pomeranian because they thought it was Polynesian sauce.

Let's just watch the beginning of this retard one, and then I'm going to skip to the part I want to show you because it's really like... Okay, but don't skip ahead right now. Keep going. Keep going. It is a beautiful day here in the Great Smoky Mountains. The sun is shining. Even the mountains have

to be smoked where they live. By the way, grape smokey. We're here in the black, peppered, smoky, habanero mountains. Smoky habanero mountains Oh god We're here in the teriyaki beef mountains Oh

Sorry Okay They're like climbing a mountain Because they think it's blue cheese on the top. They don't know what snow caps are. They think it's ranch. They're just climbing a mountain with one wing in their hand

to dip it. Just a little bit farther, Don. I think there's some ranch up there. Don, look in the horizon. There's chips. There's chips. There's chips. They think mountains are chips. Yeah, they think the sun is a bowl of soup in the sky.

They go, oh, it's so hot. I can feel it from here. Okay. Yeah, we're going to head in. We're going to check out all these great candies So the one thing there are no one for here No one for No one for

Jesus Christ But here's the thing Devin It's not a fucking regional accent No I know It's not a regional accent He doesn't even know words He ate his vocabulary He ate his syntax He ate his vocabulary.

He ate his syntax. He ate his synonyms. He ate the synonyms because he thought it was cinnamon. Yeah, his brain has a glaze on it. Like a turnover. Don's in the library eating a book with a knife and fork, just cutting into an almanac. No, the first time he came, he was like, ooh, glaze. He learned to jack off by trying to pull it to his mouth because he thought it was a hot dog.

He thinks they're jacking off at Krispy Kreme. He thinks they're just coming on all the donuts. Look at it come. He's like, I can do that. I do that on Don's face. God, I hope these retards live to a ripe old age. I hope they live to 150. We figure out they're

immortal. They were like born before time. Well, they are. They're so dumb. I think on Haywatch, I said they're the equivalent of like Tibetan are they're they're so dumb i think on hey watch i said they're they're they're the equivalent of like tibetan monks like they're so retarded they might be brilliant yeah they're enlightened we've said that they don't have like they don't have a thought they don't have a thought it's like we're and we are envious that's why people watch this shit that's why we have a fascination with that's why you have a fascination with the ben is because you are you can't fathom how nothing is going on in somebody's brain.

If they do have an inner dialogue, it's just them going, cookies, cheese, lasagna, buffalo wings, flute loops, Cheerios. Just naming every food i guarantee you by the way they think if you made them write up an essay on it just any just an essay on the what the sky is they wouldn't know they would think certain words are spelled they the way they are in brands like the word ready would be spelled r-E-D-D-I because they've seen it on the ready whip cam. They would be so far off the mark. They would have no idea.

God, they're so dumb. I hope they make enough money to start traveling the world. They go to different places. They fly and shit. They're like, we're in a different continent and there's no continental breakfast here. They think different shit. They're like, we're in a different continent and there's no continental breakfast here. They think different continents just have different breakfasts.

They're in like Grand Ole Puri. If they fly to Paris, they're like, they don't got a Buc-ee's here. They just get back on a plane and leave. They leave. They're like in Switzerland. You guys ain't got a petrol? You guys got Russell Stouffer's?

Is there a gold royal farms here? They're in Egypt at the pyramids. They go, oh, it's the Bass Pro Shop, honey. The one in Memphis? Yeah. Have you seen the Bass Pro Shops in Memphis? It looks like the pyramids of Giza.

Oh, yes. I watched them go there once. They go to the pyramids. They're like, look, Toblerone. And it's a Dorito. Apparently they made these Jews build Tobleronies. They're also very anti-Semitic. They're like, alright, we're gonna go see the pyramids that the Jews didn't

build. Kanye. Yay, bitch. they're like all right we're gonna go see the pyramids that the jews didn't build kanye yay bitch they're we're over 61 seconds into the video stock candy you can get some really good deals can you i'm sorry can you pause it again because the sentence the sentence we cut off and then start again in the middle he goes he, what they're known for at Russell Stover's Candies is candy. Everything he says is wrong. It's all wrong. It's all wrong. It's all wrong constantly. How?

How does a man just walk? It's like the floor is lava and he goes, I'll just step on rakes my whole life. I'll just go from rake to rake with each step. I like to imagine that they have... There's a weird part of their life where they somehow kind of come off

like intelligent. Like after this, they go home, they're like, we got to watch the new Bombak film. They're like, white noise,

wild pedantic is a valid meditation on death. It would be funny if this is... These are characters they're doing to... We milked all those suckers. Lemon Party, watch this again. They think we're fucking retards. Yeah, they're doing it on purpose these are characters they're doing. We milked all those shuckers.

Lemon Party, watch this again. They think we're fucking retards. Yeah, they're doing it on purpose. Yeah, they're reading Dostoevsky at home. They're listening to classical music. Dawn is like a classically trained pianist. She plays beautiful music down. She's like a musical savant.

Will doing interviews is like, well, so you know, I was trained at Juilliard. I studied. It was me, Robin Williams, and Christopher Reeve. We all were selected to the special program. You know, I was trained at Juilliard. I studied... It was me, Robin Williams, and Christopher Reeve. We all were selected to the special program. And Don worked with Maria Ann Bromovich for a number of years. Doing experimental performance pieces

in the Lower East Side. We used to do the catering at Little St. James. Okay, let me just play a little bit of this and then we're going to go to the podcast. Let them walk in. Let them walk in. And ice cream and everything you can... Look at her, terrified.

She's terrified. And they're open from 9 a.m. Yeah, show the door again, retard. By the way, Russell Stovers has to open at fucking 9 a.m. for these retards in Sea Riverville. They're the only period. Yeah.

Yeah. And they have to wake up and need chocolate. Yeah. They roll out of bed and go, I need some candy. I need candy at 9 a.m. I'm going to piss myself. Something that not even a child will request. There's a divorced single mom being like, I got to open up the store for Will and Don

so I can not afford this apartment. The one at Dave and Buster's when it's a grand opening and they think that they're like kings. Oh, when they cut the ribbon at Dave and Buster's? They think they're cutting the ribbon for them. It's astounding and beautiful. And they're videoing all the employees that formed that little tunnel for them to walk through.

And these employees are having to cheer on their first day at work. And they're filming the employees cheering for them. You can see every employee's face go, I fucking hate you, you two fat fucking retards. I know who the fuck you are. Everyone in the area hates them and knows exactly who they are. They're local celebrities. They're terrorists for local businesses. Oh, yeah.

Everyone hates them. Oh, they get heckled and shit all the time in Sevierville, Tennessee. Oh, no. Someone is going to run them over one day. He will be vlogging. Yeah, and die. They'll be fine. It'll be like when a car hits Superman.

Yeah. They just think they're being turned into airheads. Yeah, they just think they're being turned into airheads. Somebody will drive into them and then flip like the 18-wheeler in Dark Knight Rises. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Okay, okay, okay. ...EM Monday through Sunday.

And it's been a while since we've been here. Of course, the real reason why we're here today... Why do they have outdoor seating at Russell's Stovers for these retards? For these retards. They get caramel apples and chocolate and sit outside and eat candy? No, they sit outside like they're in Paris. Right. Well, there's not enough oxygen indoors for them to survive. It's like a fish when you have to clean its tank it's too dirty it's like when you like you have a fish tank and you put like too big of a catfish in there and it kills all the other fish because

it are you talking about that little sucker fish that cleans the algae yeah that takes up like all the oxygen there's moments where you you just i just want to tell you to pause the video and say fuck this i don't have i don't have any point to make i just see your face and i get mad they just churn out content like nobody's ever seen it's amazing it's a 30 minute video every day yeah i mean don's tits look like knee pads i've got hundreds of people that have messaged me by the way saying i hate that you've showed me yankee in the south because it consumes my life they can't stop yeah can't stop once you start you can't you can never stop it's like the ring it kind of like travels from host to host turned down for what yeah they are like they are like the little b of being retarded on youtube they're kind of video every day yep it is kind of like um if you've seen that movie, It Follows?

Yeah. That's them. That's Will and Don. Shit follows. Today is that we want to start getting our candy situated for the holidays. She's so confused. Buy some candy in bulk. That way we make little stocking stuffers.

She thinks the camera's a gun. It looks like you showed a dog a magic trick. Yeah, it's like Will films all the videos on an AR-15. There's a GoPro attached to the top of an AR-15. He films with the same ring as the New Zealand Christchurch shooter. shooter he's telling you to subscribe to pewdiepie

he's gonna do that one day he's gonna walk in a chocolate factory and open fire he would do a mass shooting but he can't fit his finger He would do a mass shooting, but he can't fit his finger. You just hear click, click, and he goes, I must have ate the magazines. I must have ate all my bullets. He's like, I put Pez in it again. He put Pez in his hair. He thinks the clips are Pez.

Let's see if we can get them inside the restaurant Just the idea of patio seating Is just I mean That's this country The way Seaverville has to accommodate people like Will and Don Is insane And it is right because people who haven't watched this They've only seen 90 seconds so they think we're insanely vicious Go watch a whole video And you will develop a hate in your heart that you've never experienced.

It's astounding. These two are going to get murdered one day, for sure. They turn you into Hitler watching their videos. You get that angry. Yep. No, I mean, I've never seen anything like it. I've never felt more comfortable just with targeted harassment in my life. Because it's like making fun of a rock.

It is. What, is the rock going to get its feelings hurt? I don't even feel like there'll be... What? I'm in trouble for making fun of the desert? It's kind of like roasting a hill. It's like dumbass hill.

Yeah, it's like calling a dog dumb. But like doing it like, oh you're so dumb aren't you? You're a dumb little idiot. Don, get in here. It looks like the Lemon Party boys love the show. They watched a whole episode on their podcast. They want to come on because they think it's like a cake.

What's a Lemon Party? Lemon. Lemon meringue? You guys should change the name to Lemon meringue, you faggots. I farted. God damn it. I laughed so hard I fucking farted. Jesus. We're like queefing.

By the way. It's like we just got railed really hard. We're like. No, if you watch enough of them, you turn into them. queefing. By the way, we just got railed really hard. If you watch enough of them, you turn into them. You're just shitting yourself constantly. Your sphincter doesn't work correctly anymore. You start drooling. I'll tell you, you watch this and then Dawn crawls out of the TV seven days later.

But she just eats all the food in your house. It's the ring, but she gets stuck all the food in your house. It's the ring, but she gets stuck halfway down the well. Because there's water down there, and they hate water. They're like, somebody quick,

give me some Kool-Aid jammers. Can I get a crystal light packet before I go down this well? They're at the ocean. They're pouring crystal light. There's something you can swim in. I hate them so much. I hate them so much. I kind of like being down in the well, Will.

I kind of like being down in the well. It feels like I'm in a donut. Because it's round. Feels like I'm in a big burrito. Being at the bottom of the well ain't so bad. It's like a big lifesaver. The bucket's like a big spoon. Oh, God damn it.

We still haven't, they haven't entered the restaurant yet. We made it 97 seconds. They won't go into the place. They could eat, by the way, they could eat a house. They could eat an entire,

if you handed them a fork and a knife and set them at a house that needed to be demoed, you could come back in four hours and they would be like... Because they think it's made of graham crack. With a drywall. They're like, a gingerbread house. They eat their own home.

They eat a house in their neighborhood around Christmas. They think it's a gingerbread house. The doorbell. It's not a... Don, I think it's a gingerbread house. Mmm. The doorbell. Don, I think it's a gumdrop. There's a house with snow on it and they think it's gingerbread. They start eating glass and bricks.

Bleeding out of their mouths. Just dumb, fat retards. Hey. It isn't wood, Don. These are pretzels. Don, we got to eat this house, seeing as how we represent the decay of Western civilization.

Don, we're so bad, we represent time itself, destroying all. We're a great metaphor for how everything is bad. And we're a metaphor for westward expansion. He says metaphor. There are Anton Chigurh. They're like, we're dead. We're a metaphor for death, Don. Remember Can't Stop What's Coming?

That's about us. They love no country for old men. We're Anton. I'm like lightheaded. No, it's no country fried chicken for old men. Where Ant-Man? I'm like lightheaded. It's no country fried chicken for old men. Popeyes is better. They think Long John Silver is the fish sandwich. They only like movies probably where the characters go into their favorite fast food restaurants.

Oh, my favorite movie, Chocolat. My second favorite movie, Diner. Oh, hon, let's watch Tootsie. All right. Hon, it's my favorite album, Watermelon Man, by Herbie Hancock. Don's like, I like Beyonce. Lemonade's a great one. Can we watch Mystic Pizza again?

I'm pretty hungry. And they can only watch movies with food. They're huge pizza gate conspiracy theorists. They were the only people that demanded to see the tunnels because they thought there was more sauce down there. All right, Don, it's my favorite Nava. Green eggs and ham. I just looked at the thing.

We're at a fucking hour. I thought we were like 35 minutes we haven't made it into the into the Russell Stelvers we got it let's just give them more let's give them more let's keep watching and things like that let's head inside

oh and as soon as you walk in you can smell chocolate of course that's what they're known for here and they have everything you can imagine chocolate covered pretzels they have um clusters there and fudge yeah of course their caramel apples are really the caramel apples i like it you got to spit the center out though because it's not also caramel. It is an apple. He spits.

He's like, the inside of the caramel apple is not edible. We're supposed to spit those parts out. He peels the caramel apple like it's an orange. Like it's sunflower seeds spitting full apples out. I have a fucking fist. Oh, God.

Oh, no. Oh, man. Do we keep going with that? Yeah, I guess we keep... I don't even know how to play it, though. Can you pit the space bar, I think? You can see how useless we are without Ben. Yeah, we're a complete retard.

Okay, I think this should... What if I just end the recording? I'm just worried I end the recording. No, press the mouse button. Okay, it works. Okay. And I've gotten them before. He's gotten them before.

So we got $5.99 for a gourmet apple, and $7.99 for the chocolate drizzled caramel apple with nuts. You're coming for a little romantic weekend. He goes, Doc, let me shoot you straight. How much to just pour the chocolate on me? How much to whip it on my face like Cam? You can't even wait a second. We're going to get mad.

I thought I was literally about to piss my pants. I might start literally wearing a diaper on the show. I know. Hey, somebody's... I got a... Somebody... A nurse messaged me asking for a P.O. box to send, like, to send, like, steel diapers. Yeah.

Industrial grade. Industrial grade diapers. I'm going to have her send them. The good shit. I haven't got a backer yet. Yeah, it's like diapers for retarded children. Yeah. She sent us, like, Cubano.

She's like, these are are rare you can't find them can I cut to the can I cut to the part I want to show now we're never gonna make it okay I hope we can release this as the main episode I don't know yeah I hope so too I demand I demand I don't care if the whole

channel gets deleted I don't want to hear any shit from the Haywatch fans, okay? These are all new fat retard jokes. There's so many fat retard jokes I made on that episode I did not make on this one. I've been actively remembering the fat retard jokes and not saying them. Are you kidding me? We could do this every episode. Every episode. Forever.

And also, I want everyone at Haywatch to know, Ben gave me the leads for these two fat retards. Okay? That's right. I only knew about them because of Ben. You're damn right. It truly is. We could film

years of content. We could film decades. I could literally do this for the rest of my life. The show should be called Fuck Will and Don. This is all we do for all of our existence.

We'd have a prolific body of work spanning millions of hours of content. we'd have a prolific body of work yeah spanning millions of hours yeah it'd be like proustian like there'd be volumes of it it'd be proustian yeah yeah there would literally be professors that devote their life to studying our podcast a hundred years from now robot professor going like and these were the gayest gentlemen of all time okay uh this is uh so this is the part i want to get to and it's like a minute 16 if you want to follow along by the way i love how small the jeep looks oh i know it's so crowded it's a tonka truck i feel so bad for don man i know i feel so bad for Don, man. I know. I feel so bad for her. No, I turn into a

feminist when I watch Will and Don. I'm like, fucking release her. This is bullshit. You're Camille Paglia. I'm Camille Paglia. We finally got her. The last episode, couldn't fucking remember her name, but... Directly behind here is where it's at. Oh, God. Okay, I gotta rewind a little bit. This right there. They're walking

out of Russell Stover's own shit. Chocolate, right? Shit in a bag. belong to look at his nose candy or give you a percentage dude his he's while he was in the store he got so fat his hat doesn't fit anymore as he eats he's readjusting his hat he busts a button on his hat like it's pants gotta add a new notch to my hat he's like hon we gotta give me a new notch on my sweatpants band he's googling like suspenders for hat right question mark

he's googling world's widest socks world's widest look at his fucking stupid nose world's whitest man. Ah! Oh, God. Look at his fucking stupid nose. It looks like a jawbreaker.

He thinks his varicose veins are sour straws. His nose looks like it's cherry flavored. Yeah. He just lets Don suck on it like a lollipop. If he spit in your mouth, you would get diabetes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

I highly recommend getting into that. Also, another tip. Be careful where you put these because they will melt. And by that, I mean knock your ass. We've done that before. We got home and they were all melted. Yeah, that's how chocolate works, retard. That was the saddest day of my entire life.

And the chocolate melted. Dude, this pissed me off so much when he was explaining. You know, chocolate will melt out in the stand. Chocolate melts. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. God damn it. It's infuriating.

Right. It's completely infuriating. They're wildering. They almost moved to New Orleans because they heard it was a chocolate city. Like that mayor famously said. I'm not making a racial joke. That is the mayor, yeah. They have the freezer.

And, yeah, they're edible. But, you know, now we're going gonna check out the progress of bucky's they still ate the chocolate they put it in the freezer after it melted and they go yeah it was still edible but weird deformed like frozen yeah the melted yeah yeah like when i when water melts and on the sidewalk and then you pick up a big chunk of ice as it's thawing. They got that and put it on a cutting board and then recut the chocolate into squares. Oh, yeah. They eat black ice because they think it's a Coke Slurpee. They're shoveling black ice off the roads.

Dad, someone spilled their Slurpee all over the freeway. Pull over. Get in the shovels done. Is it big straw? And she pulls two shovels out of their kitchen cabinet. Because that's what they... Those are the forks.

Yeah, they're eating with the things used for hay. I think I've made this joke before. They're knives or swords. Dude, if we put this out, they're like a claymore. Giant samurai swords are cutting a snake. Like a big medieval claymore sword.

The ones with the big handles that are too heavy to lift. On Easter, fucking Will. It's a mythical sword that he pulled from a stone. King Arthur. Yeah, yeah. On Easter, Will is peeling the skin off of a rabbit because he thinks there's chocolate underneath. They keep breaking eggs at the grocery store. They're like, where's the chocolate?

It's Easter. They're just smashing eggs on the ground. They're eating money. Look, Don. Look at all these chocolate coins I found. This one's got Sacagawea on it. You think the silver coins have chocolate in them too, Don? Here, swallow some of these nickels.

Yeah, they're banned from the bank. Last time when Don came in, we lost three grand in coins. They were clothes made of cotton candy. They're so fucking stupid, by the way. You imagine them going in a truck stop bathroom and being like somebody left a snickers bar in the toilet and then reaching in and taking a bite of it you're telling me these are urinal cakes they would literally bob for shit in the toilet

when they when both of them first like came online and like had started forming memories they probably took like their first shits on their own and then turned around they went ah yummy and then just got down on their knees and started eating, bobbing for shit like apples out of the toilet. I'm not not believing that. I could believe that. It would be healthier. That they ate their own throw up like dogs.

Yeah. And think of it, their own shit is healthier than the things they actually eat. Their bodies at this point is like, no, we're just taking the microplastics and then anything that has a nutritional value, we push that shit right out. Because their body would go into shock.

If they ate a carrot, they would literally go into epileptic shock. Oh, yeah. They would have no clue what to do. Their body's full of macroplastics. Their body's full of a toy soldier. Their body looks like a landfill. Just full of giant, empty Desani bottles.

No, they pissed in the ocean once, and it became like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Okay, so this is the thing that pissed me off. What's new at Exit 407 Bucky's Update? Which is located directly behind here is where it's at um the building is up and it looks like a bucky so check that out real quick so in the spring of 2023 we'll have a bucky's here in sevierville oh my god it's not even it's not even a bucky's that's completed they're driving past the location i couldn't believe it oh my god i should have raced you a little bit more it's not even a Buc-ee's that's completed. They're driving past the location. I couldn't believe it. Oh, my God. I should have raced you a little bit more.

It's not there yet. No, no, no. They're the general manager of a construction site going to check on the work being done. Jace, I can't wait to show you this. Just try to contain yourself for a second. And it looks like a Buc-ee's. Oh, God. You see the construction workers shooting at them.

They're like, we know to stay this far away because the rifles can't reach us. They're like, God damn it, Will and Don's back. Shoot at them before they eat all the semen again. Like wild pigs. You just see bullets landing. You go to Texas, you can pay to get in a helicopter

and shoot at Will and Don. Oh, my watch came on. I think I broke my watch from like... Laughing? Just banging my knee over Will and Don. Gotta get those straps Andrew Schultz uses. Okay, here we go. Got it.

They are so bleak. There you go, caterpillars. Got it. They are so bleak. Caterpillars, I heard you could fry those up. They see that episode in The Lion King where Timon and Pumbaa are eating all the bugs out of the log. Yeah. Don, we're going to the jungle. There's some new candy out there in the jungle, but it's wiggling around and moving like crazy.

You're not going to believe this. There's new candy. And it's all for the taking. It's all ours, Don. The world. Everything you see is yours. Okay, here we go. Pump's right there.

God, I hate this. A lot of folks in there working on it. It's kind of dusty back here. Yep. Yeah, because you're in a dust field. It's bucky. You're in a construction site that you shouldn't be in. Here's a guy in a gator running for his life right now.

We're coming along, though. The guy's going to get his gun. You can see. He's running away from Will and Don like they're the T-Rex in Jurassic Park. They're just... They're circling a bucket. That doesn't exist yet.

They're circling a constructed bucket. People connecting steel beams and digging holes. No, and they're circling constructed people connecting steel beams and digging holes no and they're circling it like wolves construction site like guys relax guys there's not even plumbing yet

guys calm down you'll both be dead by the time this opens it's like Liam Neeson and the gray is out there with a sniper like oh shit this is what they hired me for. Slapping a guy. You shut the fuck up. Will and Dog's out there, and they're going to fuck us all.

Oh, God. I would say definitely in the spring of 2023. It's a bunch of poles. Yeah. There's just a Mexican guy going like, Dios mio. Mijo, mijo, andale. Run, Dios mio. Mijo, mijo, andale. Run, mijo.

It's just they just circle the construction site and they go, there's the, you see your power lines there? You know what they are? They're buzzards for a community dying. The first sign that a community's gone to shit. They're cartoon buzzards. They're like, like oh they opened up a tgi friday's and and a bucky's oh oh man i cannot believe driving past a bucky's that is not open you should be shot and killed by the government. Joe Biden should issue a presidential order. I mean, I can't say I don't

agree, but this is on YouTube. It's a complete joke. It's a complete joke. We don't mean that. Sorry, sorry, sorry. But we said the government should do it. It's a complete joke. We can edit that part out. My apologies. No, it's probably fine. Who cares? I mean, how much longer

are we gonna have a channel called lemon party anyway in 2023 bucky's is coming pretty soon we're going to be going bucky crazy i'm so excited to see the building up oh and it looks like he Bucky's now from the outside. It's coming up. It is. And the gas pumps are starting to go up. Dude, I'm imagining if you see outside the car, they're getting lifted up in a bulldozer and getting thrown into a hole dug to bury them.

Just buried alive. Can you imagine how many guys are watching this in their man cave in their garage like next to it next to a they're like pacing back and forth like literally you just said oh or was it you you go oh my fucking like that is the response to watching this stuff they're grown men you can't believe pacing in their garage yeah having a beer trying to cool off because this is playing in the background they can't stop watching this every night it's destroying their marriage it's destroying them psychologically they don't even know who they are anymore they're like disassociating at work they're starting to astral project at night where they leave their home and fly across the

world to the fucking buckies or wherever will and don are Yeah. There's just a guy pacing in his garage, huffing gas fumes, loading and unloading a gun, cleaning his weapon, brandishing something. He's just waving it around, talking to no one. You're saying Will and Don are like a Lovecraft story,

where if you gaze upon them, you will lose your sanity. It's like an unknowable horror from like a cosmic origin. No, no. Anybody watching this is watching from the bottom of a deep, unknowable chasm of just death and pain that they've dug for themselves. And all they can hear, everything they see, everything in their life, it reminds them

of these two retards. They're destroying people's lives, people's wills to live. Yeah. You turn on Will and Don and your lights go, everything goes black, and then your screen goes a million miles away. You're just in a void. No, if you go back in time and show Schopenhauer, whose whole thing is like, no, it's about the will to live.

It's the will to, and you show him Will and Don, he goes, I got fucking nothing. I got nothing. He's like, don't search deep down in your soul to survive they make Kierkegaard like kill himself we should like just the greatest like Aristotle scrambling for a blade to cut his

own neck and you're showing him Will and Don Marcus Aurelius would be like it's all fucked stoicism is fucked Marcus Aurelius would be like, it's all fucked. Stoicism is fucked. Marcus Aurelius is going, oh, fuck that, man. Fuck that shit. No, fuck them, dude. They ain't right. I want to fly Andrew Huberman out to Sevierville.

Fix them. Just tell them to dart their eyes back and forth show them some morning sunlight yeah imagine them on andrew heberman's podcast and he goes i don't know man maybe just get fucked up every night maybe smoke weed maybe just do drug who cares just fucking kill yourself i got nothing man this is a hellish existence man fucking how do you explain resistance training to them just wake up at night and go to bed when the sun comes up. Just do the opposite of what I say. Everything I've said, do the opposite now. Because I know these two retards exist.

Yeah, just like everyone should quit. All self-help stuff should quit. Andrew Huberman would go, actually, just see how long you can go without water. They're so dehydrated. They're so dehydrated, they're sucking water out of the air. They're like human dehumidifiers. They walk down the street and the street gets dusty behind them.

When they try to have a really fun night, they probably have those silica gel packets that are beef jerky and they cut them up with a knife really fine and snort them. They think that's salt. They cut the silica packets up and pour it over their food.

Yeah, their food, which is just like insulation. Oh my god. We'll keep bringing you updates, but it's going to be great. I'm glad we're going to have our own Buc-ee's here. We can go Buc-ee crazy whenever we want. The only thing he doesn't spit out is his words.

We get our Buc-ee's fixed. So in this region, Petro's chili and chips is a thing. Right. And here's the thing. You can get Coke out of these pumps here. It comes right out of these pumps. You can just suck them out. A lot of people pay for maple syrup.

The green ones die it. We're here at Petro's today we're in Mexico this is I forgot this is the cherry on top of the episode because I couldn't believe I was like in 30 minutes they go to a chocolate factory and then a construction site of a convenience store for retards where the mascot is a squirrel. And then after that, then they're like, now we've worked up an appetite. I've got a piss, I'm sorry.

Then they go, we've worked up an appetite driving around this construction site of a gas station that doesn't exist and it's made my mouth water for gas station food. And they go to like a Mexican themed gas station food place, Petro's, chili and chips.

I think this is a spinoff of Petro's where they're like, where are Petro's chili and chips? Which they don't even know Petro is short for petroleum. They think it's probably a weird spelling of Pedro. Yes. They think it's a Mexican guy. They think, where's Petro? Where's the owner?

They think gas is made for Mexicans. And this one just opened in our area. Of course, it's in a gas station. Oh, there's the fireworks store. They're next to a fireworks store. For dessert. I guarantee you they absolutely eat at fireworks stands. They eat fireworks.

They eat like gunpowder. They go to the gun section at Walmart and they put on a bib. He goes, Don, how's your cherry bomb? They're both exploding. Dude, they go to a gunsmith. They're like, give me some 8mm. Nah, I had some 9mm last week. Let me think.

They go to Taco Bell and try to order the dog. Remember that thing from the 90s in the commercials that talked? What happened to that thing from the 90s in the commercials that talked what happened to that thing they're next to a firework stand where they're eating this oh there you go but they just opened and you can go to knoxville and you can go all through i think south carolina i know they're everywhere what is up with your? But this is the first one in severe. Yes. Go inside of it.

Let's head on in and see what that's all about. Oh, my God. So there's exit. Yeah. They think that's a drink. This is where you get off to start your vacation. And heading this way will take you towards Pigeon Forge in Gatlinburg. Of course, there's a great big huge iced tea.

Of course, they're known for their iced tea with a hint of orange in it. He doesn't know what a lemon is. They have these yellow oranges they put in the tea. I think the camera's about to die, by the way. Yeah, we should probably just end it at that point. We've already done an hour and 20. I'm like i'm out of breath watching like i'm actually i'm feeling myself getting exhausted yeah doing this your blood pressure watches like rises watching these videos yeah okay so man i'm glad we finally got to the bucky's part but anyway patreon.com

slash lemon party devin has a new channel because his other one got flagged hate watch pod youtube.com slash hate watch pod yes uh uh yeah so that's it that's it that we have video and audio episodes on patreon i don't know which one's going to be a video which one's going to be audio so if this is the main one make sure to comment something on the video that helps with engagement you don't know which one's going to be patreon or which is going to be yeah yeah so i just promote i just do sorry face we're gonna we're gonna patreon yep so we'll see i'm exhausted i'm actually exhausted from doing this i mean my i mean my cholesterol is higher already no you like i have like permanent crow's feet now i look like i'm 40 yeah we we took like two it's like being around like radioactive waste like we're all gonna die five years yeah earlier i feel like i got hit by a car

yeah kind of well this is their secret i don't i can't live anymore earlier. I feel like I got hit by a car. Yeah, kind of. Well, this is their secret. I feel like I can't live anymore. I feel like if I don't get some sleep, I'll kill myself. They want to make us dry-aged. Okay. Patreon.com slash liveandparty. Please keep supporting the show so we can keep making sketches

and keep doing content and all that stuff. But anyway, bye, everybody. Bye.