lemonparty - 015: joker willink

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

joker willink | 015 lemonparty more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 I know it just evolves to like nothing it just evolves into this like the strangest thing I've ever heard

it turns into like 120 days of solemn oh look at him go is a solemn. Oh, look at him go. Look at that soy face go. Is that my headphones over there? Yeah, I think so. I'm doing like a Robert De Niro soy. Or maybe it's these, Jace.

That looks like it's scratching a little bit. Oh, yeah. Look at the reton go. Look at him go. He's doing a De Niro soy, ladies and gentlemen. This is the Meisner soy. Meisner technique. Oh man, I almost pulled something out of my back.

What is with Jace's headphones? Oh, those are yours? Alright. Maybe those are yours? Alright. Maybe these are yours. Oh, you took Jace's. Alright. Can we restart? This is an embarrassment.

Alright, let's just... Okay. Alright. Let's do this again. Yeah. Let's do it again! Ben, can we get another take on the soy face, please? Yeah. It's like Kubrick where you guys keep making

No it's like a Fincher movie We do it a hundred times Ben is our Shelly Duvall We drive him insane Yeah Ben had to quit the business cause Devin and Jace made him do soy face 500 times in a row He lost his mind he just sits in a home

Smoking cigarettes all day now He just does soy face at the birds in the park now somehow he's still more attractive than Shelley Duvall she does look rough

oh boy she turned into a larva I actually couldn't finish that movie the first time because I was just so off put by her face

I was just like what the who is what is that why her why her you wanna fuck her and then I realized they cast, what the what is that? Why her? You want to fuck her? And then I realized they cast her because she looks

like a horror film. Yeah, she looks like a greyhound. Jack Nicholson married a dog. A big racing dog. Ben, I'm doing tea. I do matcha sometimes. You ever do matcha? I drove by a matcha place on the way here and

everybody inside looked completely suicidal. Everyone inside looked like they were going to just... Well, it's because they spent $8 on a matcha. But I like it. It's what the samurais used to drink before they said retard. It's an old samurai. It's an old samurai. The samurai code of podcasting.

It's an elixir for... How's your guys' cans? I like them. I'm hearing pretty good. They sound nice. Yeah, match is a little too gay for me. I like a nice black cup of joe. Oh, I get that.

Drink it out of a Stanley Thermos. Like it's World War II. I like that. Like you're on a wagon train. Right. Tastes like shit. Yeah. It's got grounds in it.

Makes me gag. Yeah Tastes like shit. Yeah. It's got grounds in it. Makes me gag. Yeah, I like it. Oh, I just realized the camera's pointing way down. It's like showing her. Oh, Jesus. Well. Okay, hold on. This is disastrous.

Ben. Come on. Well, you got to do soy face again. Do it again. Until we get it right, Mr. Cruz. Mr. Cruz. Mr. Cruz. Soy face to the baseline. We make Ben run suicides for doing the podcast bad.

Truly horrific. God. God. Just a stray bullet should just pierce your skull the minute you do that. You really are... It's becoming like Lynchian. Like you're the little fucked up baby from Eraserhead.

Yeah, I'm like speaking backwards in soy. Yeah, it should be black and white and there's little dust particles flying around your head. Yeah. It'd be the blue room. It really sucks, man. All right, so... All so Alright here we are We're talking Grammys tonight right

Oh uh Did you see them No no no you keep up with all that stuff I don't really keep up with it You're Mr. Hollywood I am Mr. Hollywood They call me Kid Showbiz It's in your blood though

You're born and raised Yeah it's true I was raised in a depraved, the most depraved part of the country. Sick pedophile town. Yeah. I'm just glad a non-binary person won Artist of the Year. Is that true? Harry Styles.

Oh, right. He was wearing like a... Oh, yeah, yeah. He's wearing like a measles blanket. He wears like an AIDS quilt. He really sucks ass he really does my favorite thing about him is he's like non he's like gay but he's never fucked a guy before it's one of those you just get to say that he's like i'm gay and it's like well you have to like suck a penis yeah well no i'm not gay like that that's the new shit is he australian yeah yeah that's

just my impression okay that's the new shit there was it was an interesting there was like sam smith is like fat now and he's wearing like a big red like satanic muumuu and then he like performed and they like prayed to like moloch and shit and then sam smith has started to dress like homer in that episode where he gets really fat he has like a big white cat yeah he looks like he does data entry for mr burns um he only has that one song about being a sad gay guy right he i don't know he has this stay with me yeah that was when he was like hot when i wanted to fuck him yeah yeah now he's a fucking mess now he looks like the whale i have not i did not see him in three years and then i just saw a promo for him on snl and it looked like he ate sam's

really i thought it was like it it was a joke like a Photoshop picture yeah I thought they put him in a fat suit yeah yeah wouldn't this be funny if he got all gross and disgusting I didn't know the gay community let let their

hotties go like I thought you were kicked out if you get fat now he's just like a he's a bear now yeah yeah you know he's just in a rascal scooter going around West Hollywood

across those ridiculous crosswalks he's those ridiculous child's xylophone ridiculous crosswalks across those ridiculous child's xylophone yeah crosswalks they have of all the different colors yeah so you look down you go i forgot i i fuck men and you're just walking down the street right i forgot until i saw this keith harrington mural that i eat cum almost forgot that i eat cum and it goes in my ass sometimes yeah everyone's really pissed at harry, though, because he beat Beyonce and that's as raises.

Yeah. I think. I didn't know these people still made music. I didn't know Beyonce. I didn't know Harry Styles. I don't know anything about any of these people. But can people name the music they're still making? That Sam Smith song from like 2013.

What's his name? Sam Shepard? Sam Smith. Sam Shepard. Sam Shepard. The playwright? Yeah, Chuck Yeager. My favorite gay singer.

I'm so intelligent. I don't even... I can't even... I can't be bothered with the stuff. Yeah, best rap song went to David Mamet. I don't know.

It was just... You watch the Grammys and you go like... They're giving like a Lifetime Achievement Award to somebody you just found out existed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's guys who make like, just the music that plays on Spotify ads. That's it.

It's like, you, oh no, it's like pop into JCPenney to buy a purse, you fat retard. JCPenney? Yeah, JCPenney. Yeah. My favorite store. Yeah, it's just the soundtrack to Waiting in Line at Subway. Right. Is everyone at the Grammys.

Yeah, Harry Styles, he tries to be like David Bowie, but it's like a target PR team David Bowie. Yeah. You know? And he's also like an idiot. He's got like the IQ of like a lake trout. He's Harry. He's Harry Styles.

He doesn't know what he is. They're just like, you're queer now. You're queer. Harry from Harry and the Hendersons would be smarter. Yeah. Everyone at the Grammys was made in a lab. It was like they're just the products of Nabisco. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, oh, he's the grandson of the Jersey Mike's guy. Right. Yeah, so we took the grandson of the Raytheon founder, and we made him a little bit gay. We just raped him enough as a kid so he pretends he's gay. They should just start giving the Grammys to one of the costumes from the Masked Singer.

They shouldn't even give it to real people anymore. They should give it to Rudy Giuliani dressed as a chipmunk. No, but just they give it to the penguin or whatever it is. Just the costume. The costume should be willed out and they give it to one of them. I like that.

Taylor Swift's always there dancing horribly to a black guy on stage. Oh, God. I honestly feel like the Grammys exist just so Taylor Swift can meet black people. Like, it's the one time of the year. They're like, this is Kendrick. I know you have an Uncle Ken.

Sometimes the blacks, they like to go by Kendrick. Yeah, every Grammy, she's watching the black people through binoculars. Like taking notes down. Trying to like rap along to like rumble. Yeah, she watches the Grammys

through her ring doorbell cam. She's writing about the Grammys on Nextdoor. Saw a large collection of African-Americans. A lot of unsavory types at the Grammys tonight. Yeah, a lot of stolen limos down in West Hollywood right now. By the way, Taylor Swift apparently is the most successful musician of all time, like ever.

But yeah, by whose standards? Not by mine. By my standards, it's Mozart or Johann Sebastian Bach. Or Chopin. Chopin. Or Chopin or Chopin whatever his name is Lizzo was there sitting next to Adele

Lizzo looks like she took on all of Adele's fat Lizzo performed like a mukbang it was a great great night that's beautiful man

yeah I'm sure Billy Porter was there dressed like a tiara or something Billy Porter was there dressed like the manly version

of Harry Styles did Miley Cyrus come out like a tarant or something? Billy Porter was there dressed like the manly version of Harry Styles. Did Miley Cyrus come out like a tarantula? Like she went on the ceiling and stuff? Yeah, like a hereditary character. No, she wasn't. I think they kicked her out. Oh, they kicked her out of music? She developed a wrinkle.

They said, get out of here, bitch. You're going to go make music with Dolly Parton now, bitch. You're not even a kid we can fuck anymore. Beat it. Scram! Scram! You're not even a kid we can fuck anymore. Beat it. Scram! Scram! You're not even a kid we can fuck.

Call me when you're Hannah Montana again. It's a fun night. Yeah, call me if you get Benjamin Batten disease, sweetheart. Click. You know the producers

of the Grammys are like, can we give Macklemore another award? I love that Macklemore. They somehow find a way every year to give it to a white person, no matter how good the black guy's album was. Yeah, they should have a Best White Rapper award,

but no other rap awards. Oh, man. It's sad, though, that we have a country where everyone cares about the Grammys, but nobody cares about the Nobel Prize Awards. Sure. Or something. No one shows up to that. No one cares about that. Nobody cares about the Nobel Prize Awards.

Yeah, when they're giving the Nobel Peace Prize to Henry Kissinger. That one's even more rigged, I feel like. I don't think anybody gets a vote in that one. The Grammys, people get people get to vote. They go to booths. I guess. I guess they get to vote.

There's like 20 people. It's like an academy type thing. Right. With the Grammys? With the Grammys. Oh, okay. But it's like a prerequisite. You get like three people to pick from.

Right. Okay. I thought people get to vote. That's the people who vote. It's like 10 housewives. Yeah. I guess that's what we have with voting in america because we have the electoral college like there's an electoral college but

you don't really get to there's like there's like super delegates but they're all the guys who raped terry cruz at that benefit you know yeah the academy award same thing it's like 10 soccer moms that just decide right it's women in minivans they show up it's again it's a guy who wrote on king of the hill 25 years ago and he's like coda i love coda best picture i still can't believe that thing won best picture what is that the deaf movie yeah it's i don't even know oh yeah honestly it could be a movie that only exists in posters. Did it win Best Picture? It won Best Picture last year. Oh, I couldn't hear anybody.

So that whole movie they're doing this with their hands? Yeah, they're doing the fucking dumbass. Yeah, the whole movie they're rapping. But how do I

know they're good at acting? I don't know if they fucking suck or not. You don't. Because they don't even have the sense. How are they even nervous on screen? Well, that's the thing.

Because you know the old Hollywood trick of it's easier to act if you're holding a cigarette or a cup of coffee on screen? Or chewing gum. Or chewing gum. If you're constantly moving your hands like this in front of your face, mind you, your hands are really doing all the work. They're doing all the work. No, deaf people have been getting away with murder for far too long on film. You don't have to practice any of your facial anything.

Yeah. Any elasticity. All bells and whistles with these deaf people. I hate this. You might as well be writing on a chalkboard your lines on screen. They wheel out a white erase board and you're just writing what you want to say to somebody.

I think they should only let deaf people act if they have to just speak the whole time in the movie. No sign language. It's just a guy going, do you fuck my wife? Do you fuck my wife? Yeah, Coda won Best Picture. It was a hunk of shit.

And I think Sound of Metal was nominated that same year. Or it wasn't even nominated. It wasn't even nominated best picture was a hunk of shit coda and i think sound of metal was nominated that same year that's right i wasn't even nominated wasn't even nominated big year for deaf big year for deaf people yeah that was last year right yeah i think so yeah yeah yeah i really related to that movie which one the one where the guy goes deaf he's like fuck yeah he's like fuck he's like fuck i can't make shitty music anymore i can't be i can't be a piece of shit anymore who sucks ass i can't live in this van anymore and fuck this lady with a bunch of tattoos yeah i guess i better get my life together i can't look i can't fuck this lady looks like granola uh grimes anymore because i went deaf can't make sound music. I hate people who write stories where, like,

the guy has a big epiphany by just, like, sitting down on a park bench. Like, that's where, like, then he understands it all. All he needed was a park bench for some perspective. Well, you know why that's bullshit? Is because they're, like, they look down on, like, regular people. Like, that's what a regular person would do.

They would sit down on a park bench in a park and enjoy the day. Yeah. Like some buffoon, like a chimp or a dog or a bird. So can you imagine a character so heroic? He makes himself like a retard. Like you guy who works at Kroger. Yeah.

That's the big pivotal moment of the movie right where he sits on a bench he's like wow holy shit yeah he turns his he turns his uh hearing device off and he goes you know maybe it's uh i can be retarded maybe it's okay to be retarded and that's why everyone in hollywood celebrates it because they watch it like introspection what the hell because they go a person considering them their in the universe? Someone who has the courage to be normal, to be regular, to just be a man at the park. Could you imagine not dressing up like Johnny Depp every day and walking around Hollywood like a complete retard? Guys, it's time for an ad about sheath. Sheath underwear.

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No, no, I put the underwear on over the diaper. You don't want to get the underwear all coming in. I love the sheath underwear. My apologies for being glib. Jace, we're going to have to start over. If you can't, yes and. Take it from the top. I put on sheath

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I use the Sheil underwear as like a condom. I thought you were checking the copy like that was in there. To make sure. Oh, yeah. I'm like... Since I fuck my wife i get hard through my underwear and i put that into a pussy yeah yeah like the fabrics around my dick like a really weird and fucked up uncomfortable condom you don't have to waste the condom just use the

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impressions oh yeah yeah you always want to walk around with a hard on you know the big hard cock yeah they can show off at work and shit yeah pressing through your uh fucking slacks so if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to reform chew it and do it have better sex and we've got a special deal for our listeners try blue chew free when you use our promo code lemon at checkout just pay five dollars shipping that's bluechew.com promo code lemon to receive your first month free visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank bluechew for sponsoring the podcast thanks bluechew thank you bluechew goodbye all these guys that like every famous actor develops an accent from a place they're not from yes and you look into them you go like he's from kentucky right and they talk

like you know it's always a it's like a part they got at 33 and they're just like, well, that's, I'm that now. Yeah. Like the Elvis guy apparently is, he won't stop talking like Elvis. Yeah, that dumb retard. He claims he can't stop talking like Elvis. Hopefully he can't stop eating like Elvis too. I'd love for that guy to die in a toilet.

Suck my ass. You can't stop doing the voice. Shut up. If I ever see that guy, I'd love to give him a swirly. Yeah. Yeah. And see if he's still doing it then, by the way. Yeah, if he doesn't slip. Because he's Australian, right? Yeah. stop doing the voice shut up if i ever see that guy i'd love to give him a swirly yeah yeah and see if he's see if he's still doing it then by the way yeah if he doesn't slip because he's australian

right yeah and you see him on like actors round tables with like the neuro and adam driver's just like oh you know when i'll just i'll start acting baby i can't i can't uh it's hard to memorize my lines when all this shaking going on yeah let's see you keep that accent when i hold a cold 45 to your head supposedly anesthesiologists say that when people come out of their coma, they lose all of their affectations that are probably somewhat selective. Right. So they said like when gay people... I was about to say like gay people.

No, literally they come out of like their anesthesia, they come out of it and they're not... They don't have the persona and the mask yet. No, literally they come out of like their anesthesia. They come out of it and they're not, they don't have the persona and the mask yet. So they come out and they're like, oh, what the fuck? I was like, and then they slowly, like as people start coming around, they start adopting the accent. They come out sounding like John Wayne all of a sudden.

They're like, I'd love to suck some cock, pilgrim. Yeah. And then they slowly morph and they're like, yeah, the surgery went fucking great i'm so glad you could put my dick in my ass because i'm i got a piss orgy in palm springs at 9 p.m partner partner i got i gotta go check off 500 guys in a sewer in echo park partner and i do that for inclusion i gotta get to the black history month orgy partner i reckon we could go jack off guys

under the bridge partner john wayne christian yeah yeah excuse me partner i was wondering if i could go uh fuck you in the ass by that tree over there, over yonder. Some like elderly gay guys, like a Gran Torino type of like gay guy. Get this man some prep. Yeah, just the Clint Eastwood going like, back in my day, we didn't need poppers to get fucked in the ass. You just gritted through it. You tellin' me you can't relax your asshole muscle at will?

Fuckin' whole generation soft. No, I can't sit down like that. My ass is full of polyps. Yeah, we didn't used to have all these Thai boys to fuck. Just had to fuck White boys Much tougher They're much

They're not as small As these Thai fellas Someone should remake One of those movies But those guys are gay Yeah Didn't have no Dragon lady boy

To fuck The good The bad And the gay Yeah yeah Gay Torino They really should Like make a dirty Hair They make a Dirty Harry movie,

but he's played by Billy Eichner. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Billy Eichner. It's Bo and Yang. I don't know. It's about the Chinese spy balloon or something. They forced some sort of weird narrative into it.

Just remake Chinatown, but he's gay. I used to shove Chinat in like you up my ass. Two at a time. Two at a time. Back in Vietnam, we used to fuck all you guys. I used to come in a rice hat. Make guys drink out of it like a big milk bowl. See all these dents in my war helmet?

That's from cum shots. We were fielding cum shots left and right in Korea. I got that Gran Torino in the garage with all the bottoms of the seats hollowed out. So you can reach up and touch my dingle bears. I'm looking for a twink. I guess Bo and Yang could play the little Thai boy that comes with the

lady boy or whatever. What'd I say? Thai boy. But he would play a Thai person. Right. Yeah, sure. Are Armenian people play Afghani people in fucking movies? Hey, relax, pal. What?

Listen, we're all racist here, buddy. I don't know what kind of Asian Bowen is. I don't know. I think he's Korean. Yeah, I don't know. Or Yang's Chinese. I don't know. I'm racist too, I guess.

I think he doesn't know. I just realized that. I'm pretty sure Yang is Chinese. Yeah, right? Mm-hmm. But he looks, I don't know. He looks Korean somehow. When you're gay, it kind of just removes all nationality from you.

Yeah, that's right. You just kind of become a glittery version of whatever you originally were. You see he played the balloon on SNL. That's great. Oh, that was really funny. I saw that. I love any time Bowen's in a sketch, he has to get the Jim Carrey Grinch makeup.

Bowen's prep for SNL is always like three days. Yeah. Of makeup? In a makeup trailer. And they're like, Bowen, you're playing the gay cockroach this episode. Because you can't do anything funny besides make an insane costume.

He's already got the crowd on his side, too. He's like, I don't even know what's going on in SNL. The crowd feels, is this like your parents? Oh, he's a favorite. He's already like got the crowd on his side too. It's like, I don't even know what's going on in SNL. The crowd feels, is this like your parents? Oh, he's a favorite. He's a favorite. He's loved. He comes out, he ruins a sketch and everyone goes, yeah!

It's like Kramer coming on set. People go like, woo! They really go crazy. Most of his punchlines though, I feel like he's out there and his costume's so crazy and then like his antenna will fall off because the costume's so insane yeah and so the costume's just breaking throughout the sketch it's like that's not funny yeah it's fire the wardrobe department it's literally like in the in the beginning of like snl they're like at bowen yang and then it's him in like a xenomorph costume

like turning around the thing from alien yeah yeah well the the the biggest laughs on the show are when the sketch just goes awry and like everyone just starts laughing right and then you know when they don't do the thing yeah when they fail and then everyone goes finally we can laugh like finally they fucked up the bad thing they were doing so we can laugh. We just keep not talking into the mic. Yeah. I love that when we finally can't hear them. We just look at the camera all kitten-ish. They're like, guys, Pedro Pascal just died

laughing because Bowen fell on a banana pillow and broke his asshole open. Trying to give a stunning critique on the Chinese balloon. Saturday Night Live. The whole cast. Everyone looks like 14 years old.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I feel like they all drive to the show in Scions. Yeah, they have a school bus for SNL. It literally feels like all that. It just feels like the crowd's just like, come on, honey, just get through the line. Come on, baby.

That's my baby. Like they all get snow cones after the show. Yeah, they get pizza and Doritos at the end. It's like an eighth grade basketball game. They're like, come on, honey. They let one retarded guy on to score a touchdown. Bowen pushes past everybody. He's like, i want a chewy bar

bowen's the big kid he's like kind of a bully yeah he's like the mighty ducks goalie yeah he he's the bug hall of the of the group shout out to the little rascals uh uh guy that listens to the show oh yeah spanky from the little rascals spy he listens to yeah nice he's one of the Yellow Kings oh nice anyway back to the show more of a Buckwheat guy love love Buckwheat but way way

the one from the 20s long time ago it was funny in the revamp in the 90s they're like alright listen how black can we make Buckwheat let's be honest

they're like I'm sure they were doing like like they were putting Buckwheat in shoe polish yeah yeah to make him as dark as humanly possible

they're like have you seen Wesley Snipes face like what if we did that and then they're holding focus groups to see how many braids they can put

in Buckwheat's hair like so you see six six braids clearly canceled four braids clearly canceled. Four braids not racist enough.

People don't laugh. Five is the magic number. Dude, every plot line in the old Little Rascals, it's like it starts out so cute and innocent. Like the boys are going to make like a lemonade stand or something like that. And like they can't get enough customers or something. And then it always ends up with one of the kids doing blackface yeah and pretending to be buckwheat well it's it's always the cute thing where he like bends down behind a car and then it blows suit in his and he comes up in perfect blackface and someone goes i got an idea

you'll pretend to be a bloop and you'll scare everybody in the neighborhood and then everybody will come by our lemonade and then the end of the episode is always Buckwheat is like, is like walking up, like chewing on a long piece of grain or something. He like hops off of a, like they always make him like a hobo. Yeah. He's always like,

yeah. He's the blind guy from Oh Brother Where Art Thou? He's towing a cow. Yeah. Buckwheat's like, I've seen things you ain't never gonna believe yeah they made him like isaac k yeah he has like white eyes white milky eyes oh back when their idea of a black person was john coffee in the green mile

just a guy with like locusts flying out of his mouth yeah biblical that's the only way they could view biblical black man yeah that's the only way they could view. Biblical black man. Yeah, that's the only way they could view. Insane that he was even in The Little Rascals back in the 20s. Who, Buckwheat? Yeah, Buckwheat. Oh, yeah. You know some people didn't let their kids watch The Little Rascals because Buckwheat was in it. There was preachers giving sermons where they let a little black boy run around with a big frog in his pocket of his overalls. And I think that's disgusting just some

guy sweating shaped like a capital d yeah just waving a bible a republican senator somewhere just being like i i think it's disgusting and that guy was a senator until 2009 yeah he lived to be 140 years old he's caught fucking buckwheat in a bathroom stall he's like what do i think disgusting everything i want to fuck i'm an old school republican senator i fuck everything i hate yeah i fuck everything i hate yeah it's a republican senator fucking fucking gerrymandering in a bathroom stall. Oh, God. Yeah.

But anyway. Anyway, the Grammys suck. SNL, the Grammys. I think Buckwheat should have won a Grammy. I think so, too. But in all honesty, SNL should be like the Little Rascals cast from like the 19, like 15 would be better. Probably, yeah.

Them running around, opening up big bags of flour. Yeah, the cat. That's the whole episode or something. Yeah. They should just air the Sandlot every Saturday night. Yeah, air Disney's Recess. Yeah, same thing. I do like a few people I think are very talented. There's a lot Yeah. Same thing. I do like a few people on, I think, are very talented.

There's a lot of very talented people to work on. All the people we know we like who are on the show. Yeah. God bless them. Yeah, if this is sent to any of them, I wasn't talking about you. Yeah, it's not you. We were talking about the other ones. You guys are great.

But I wasn't even talking about them, though. I was talking about the idea of SNL that exists in my bitter mind. It's more an idea. It's not even what's happening now. Right. I was talking about 98, you SNL that exists in my bitter mind. It's more an idea. It's not even what's happening now. Right. I was talking about 98, you know, Phil Hartman, Chris Farley. Sure, sure. Norm.

Hate him. Yeah, I was talking about Norm MacDonald. Yeah. It was funny. SNL in the 90s was like all guys who were like 47 years old doing SNL. That's what I'm saying. That's why it feels so strange now. It's children.

Yeah. Phil Hartman had like a receding hairline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. They got a new, I don't know, you look at the comments and it's just people are just very excited for him.

Oh, the YouTube comments of the SNL clips? Yeah. They're really, they like- Very supportive fan base. It doesn't matter what's going on. They're just like, he's so nervous. I love that. Mm-hmm.

Love how nervous he is. I don't know. It's just, he doesn't seem ready. He has horrible rhythm. Horrible rhythm. Horrible joke delivery rhythm. It just reminds me of my child. I love that.

Reminds me of my grandson. Yeah. You've got to give him 15, 20 years. He'll figure it out. We love that guy because he doesn't embarrass us by getting out the joke. I love SNL because it reminded me of high school pep rallies for football games. SNL should just be like, hey, we dressed all the football players as cheerleaders and the cheerleaders as football players. Isn't that wacky?

Isn't that wacky stuff? They should just let Trump host SNL again and let him just go off. And he gets to write all the sketches. He writes everything every sketch he's just titty fucking one of the cast members it's Trump with the

please don't destroy guys he goes you guys are all netball babies frankly it's disgusting you're on the show your dad has produced the show for 35 years

it's disgusting please I will destroy I'll destroy you I will destroy you yeah please don't destroy more like should destroy the terrible

the lonely island now that was good now that was good remember lazy sunday I will destroy you. Please don't destroy. More like should destroy. The terrible. The Lonely Island. Now that was good. Now that was good. Remember Lazy Sunday? I love it when they did rap, but it was for whites. I love that stuff. That was great.

Love white rap. Love what the Grammys are doing. Love the Grammys. Big fan of Macklemore. He's wearing Lemon Party merch. Coming out and doing the snl monologue dude that would be with my soy face we should are only if we ever have a guest it should just be donald j trump that'd be the greatest thing of all time oh i let the discord know we are gonna have a guest in a few weeks maybe yeah maybe we'll see but we will have like one or two guests a year so it's

like special yeah right It's a special thing It's going to be great we're going to put the camera way over there You won't be able to see any of us I'll put the camera outside in my backyard Shoot us through a sniper scope It's the conversation Can I say who it is? It's Bo and Yang

We just get a Chinese guy We get a Chinese guy we get we get a guy from Binihana to come do tricks or like Bowen it's great to have you so what's SNL like

he's just catching the shrimp in his hat he's doing like the he's getting he's doing the choo choo with the onions he goes He's doing the choo-choo with the onions. He goes, ooh, a tornado. Dude, honestly, do you think when Trump eats at Benihana,

do you think he thinks it's like Jackie Chan? Like cooking the food? He's like, I love Jackie Chan. He makes the best filet mignon on 55th. I love how he combines kung fu with cooking. I think it's great i think i think trump to eat at benihana tapes his eyes back while he's eating there yeah as a sign of respect he dresses like a big geisha he like bows to the fish tank

when he walks in dude when i first ate at benihana when i was like 11 when we went to new york city for that one time because we I was like 11 when we went to New York City for that one time because we had family there To do Saturday Night Live When we were 10 and 12 years old In the year 2000 Yeah, right before 9-11

When I ate at Benihana for the first time, I was like, this is this is the height of delicacy I know I was like, I cannot imagine a more fancy place I thought I was like, this is the height of delicacy. I know. I was like, I could not imagine a more fancy place. I thought I was in Morocco, and it was the Times Square Benihana. Yeah. I remember being 12 years old.

There's like a homeless guy shitting outside while masturbating. Yeah, yeah. At the same time. You're seeing a guy's diarrhea fall out of his ass. And he's cumming on it. He's cumming. He's bending his dick back to come in the diarrhea that's coming out of his ass you're like uh i love i love wealth i love prosperity a guy shitting himself a

cloaca that piss shit come it's all coming out of one hole he shot so much heroin into his ass that his his whole dick ball ass is melted into one little fucked up descending like egg laying thing yeah yeah yeah yeah he starts roasting it over a hot dog cart dude in my in my memory though people are walking into benihana with coats and like it's the great gatsby they're spinning canes like hello my lady. Everybody's dancing. There's a solid gold man walking around. In reality, the chef is grinding pills on his back molars,

just trying to lick them. Just trying to get the taste of whatever he just swallowed in the kitchen. The chefs are Ecuadorian guys squinting their eyes hard while they cook. They make them squint. No, I remember being 12 in that specific binaural. Because we came from Texas.

We truly thought it was like, oh, this is where billionaires eat. No, but in hindsight, it might be white guys wearing pantyhose on their head. And we go, it's a Chinese person. Well, because you think billionaires need their chefs to do tricks and shit. Like, they shoot at their feet. They're like, come on, dance! Chop that onion in half! They have a lasso.

They're like roping and riding. They're holding the back of a chair. They're like a lion tamer. They're like, yeah! Cook that shrimp! Make my fucking teriyaki! I remember seeing just a picture of Charles Bark Barkley on the wall and I'm like. He eats there.

I'm like elegance class. You're telling me Sir Charles ate at the same grill that I'm eating at now? The world's top entrepreneurs eat here. Warren Buffett. Elon Musk. Musk. Yeah. Ronald McDonald.

Yeah. You see the children's hospital. You're like, oh my God, it's Ronald McDonald's hospital. Where the man himself works. Wow, you got operated on by Ronald McDonald? Wow, that's insane. No, I remember at that same Benihana, Ben knows this, because you were fucking there. We was midway through our meal. I was just this fat little 11-year-old kid. Yeah, yeah.

And I reached- This is a far side cartoon fat kid. Yeah. With the little specks. He's the guy pushing on the door that says pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Like a real pathetic fat kid.

Yeah, his feet are rakes that he keeps stepping into, hitting him in the face. Yes, no, we get it. Yes, very good. I think we all get the point. You're just pointing at me. I would love to walk 11-year-old you out here and just roast the shit out of you. Believe me, so would I. Believe me, so would I. No, no i mean i was shaped like a tombstone

i looked like pugsley from the adams family i had we always said we always said because our dad was such a cheap bastard he would buzz cut our hair but he would do it every eight weeks so we just always had jim norton hair we had hair that was not long enough to do any it was just always this far off of our heads and I had these thin little wire frames and I wore Tommy Bahama shirts everywhere and I thought I was like a little adult

yeah yeah a little Tommy Bahama shirt I was like the guy who was like did you know walruses are actually second biggest mammal adults were like alright well you were offering people pens. You're like, I have a pen. Yeah, I always had a pocket knife. I was like, I got a pocket knife.

Jace at one point had a flask that he put chocolate milk in. Oh, man. He was that kid. I get it. You had a flask, too. Well, mine had liquor in it. But anyway, all right. Well, I'm sweating a lot now now um no we were midway through

the meal and like the guy's about to serve it all up and i reached for like this gigantic tumbler of like fucking shirley temple that he gave us i just i just hit the thing into the table like the whole place it was like turned into a Russian bathhouse. And I remember the Chinese guy goes, oh, my asses. Because he was turned around, bending over, and it just splashed hot grease water onto his ass. And I was like, I'm so sorry. He did a three stooges level spill. Oh my God.

In our heads, we're eating inside the Taj Mahal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I met the king and I just pulled my dick out and started masturbating. You guys are worried you're going to get executed. And then they were like, no, it's fine. I was trying to, because I'm a kid, you know, they don't want to embarrass me. I knew I had done something horrible and should be punished. But I remember the whole meal.

Everybody's like, it tastes great. You can barely even taste the Shirley Temple. We're eating chicken that's just coated in sugar. Coated in grenadine and shit. My eggs are sweet. Like cherry eggs. And the rice. And then we were there on vacation.

The rest of my vacation would just be laying around. And then all of a sudden my mom would go really sorry about what jace did with the two with the you know the benihana and god bless her if she happens to be listening you know yeah yeah he looked straight into the camera which is about to die is it really is it really it actually is i'm just gonna keep keep talking i'm just gonna set up my phone all right okay fuck this yeah well do you just want to wait for it to'm just going to set up my phone. Okay. Because fuck this. Yeah. Well, do you just want to wait for it to charge again?

Yeah, we could restart. Yeah. No, we'll just keep it going. Okay. All right. Just do it on the phone. All right. Okay.

All right, Ben, why don't you paint the fucking southeast corner of the home while you're at it? Yeah, Ben, if we could really put you to work real quick. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, Jace, how was your childhood? Horrific. yeah ben if we could really put you to work real quick yeah yeah so anyway jace what's uh how was your childhood horrific truly horrific i'll talk about this in therapy this week that'll be a hot topic this will be a comment section i will be avoiding this week what'd you used to love i used to love hometown buffet i thought that was the peak of existence

they had all like the th Thomas Kinkade pictures everywhere, like paintings, and it was rib night. I'd eat so many fucking ribs. I was trying to kill myself. Me and my grandparents. My grandpa would ask me what I'm going to get at noon. All we did was wait to go to Hometown Buffet. You waited your whole week to go to it.

It was all I looked forward to. And they had the pride and you were like, this boy's about to get his money's worth. Yes, exactly. As a kid, going to a buffet place like that was truly heaven. Because when you get to pick your own food as a kid... It's hard to comprehend. You were just allowed to get whatever you wanted.

And the ice cream machine and all that. Oh my God, and the pedophiles. You go and you just get the fried fish and then a plate of the black pudding. Yes. That they serve out. Yep. The fries. Oh, what a delight.

What a delight. I love it. Today's episode is brought to you by Surfshark VPN. A VPN is a tool that improves your online privacy and protects you from hackers. How? It basically acts as a shield and hides your IP address, so everything you do online stays private. Whether it be reading the news, streaming some shows, listening to podcasts, you name it. some shows, listening to podcasts,

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dot deal slash lemon party oh lemon party that's awesome that's our show enter promo code lemon party that's l-e-m-o-n-p-a-r-t-y that's the name of the show and the name of that image for 83 off and three extra months free wow that's inner promo code lemon party for 83 off and three extra months free you heard me right three extra months for free that's surf shark dot deals slash lemon party uh this time of year everybody's talking about making big changes which is all well and good but most of the time pretty unrealistic guys you've given up on a new year's resolution before right i've made plenty and boy have i fallen short of the line you really fucked up oh yeah

one year i made a new year's resolution to uh not uh uh be gay and i broke it when the ball drops but i'm actually you know what you know boys i've actually found that the smallest changes to your routine can make the biggest impact in the same way you don't have to you don't have to break the bank to make a big deal purchase even the smallest things can be part of a big change if it's something you use every day like my raycons they sent me raycons they sent my wife raycons my wife loves her raycons more than she loves me they sent my fucking wife raycons you believe that shit they're hitting on my wife they're hitting on my wife sending their raycons the raycons are awesome though you guys got raycon i got some they're great use them yeah yeah yeah i love them they're really good i just

used them on a long walk around my chinese neighborhood the other day couldn't hear a single chinese person they were great they were yeah yeah raycon is a premium audio at the perfect price point so you can build great habits without breaking the bank. There's been many changes to my routine that Raycons are a part of. For example, I love to walk around and listen to my own podcast like a psychopath. Yeah, Raycons are good for that. Raycons are great to listen to Lemon Party. Yeah, because other people can't hear what you're listening to. Yep.

Yeah. Because it should be illegal to listen to this show out in public. It should be illegal to listen and also to make this show. Yes. Do you want to wait for the bus but not let people think you're an insane person? Because they can hear the show through your crappy headphones you have, get the Raycons so people stop scooting away from you. So you stop scaring Mexican moms at the bus stop.

So you don't want to scare away that guy who's putting a bike on the front of the bus. If you're scaring away that guy. Because that guy's a freak. You got some mission. That guy. You don't want to freak. You got some issues. No, you, yeah. That guy. You don't want to disturb the bus boy with a DUI. Whether you're looking for a pair of everyday earbuds,

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have two little i have two birds up that's the office i work at the genius bar yeah if you know you'll love your raycons as much as i do raycon wants to make sure you feel great about your purchase they offer buy now pay later options every purchase has an easy and free return guarantee uh yeah i mean i love the uh the sound profiles there's three customizable ones i love the earbud tap functions and the noise noise isolation, and the awareness mode. But most of all, the crystal clear call quality so I can call my wife and so we can just talk about how much we love Raycon. Ready to buy something small with a big impact?

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Oh, nice. Nice. I bet it looks better on the iPhone. Than the camera we paid $2,800 for. Yeah. People are going to be so pissed. They were like, I was about to come. And then the camera died.

You can barely jerk off to this embarrassing. The free thing. I recommend doing a number of other things. Uh-oh, Devin. Be careful. Don't do South Park boys. Oh, by fuck. Right.

I don't know. I haven't watched South Park in a long time, so. Okay, we're good. Okay. God, by the way, my mom still brings up his thing to our relatives to this day. The fucking. Him spilling the soda. Yeah, yeah.

The one thing you shouldn't do with kids is make them feel guilty when there's an accident that happens they need to learn that it's okay to make mistakes right because then they keep trying in life and they keep getting better at things they don't feel guilt for failing it's normal to fail and then get better right it's the only way to get better is to fail no but for some reason that our that generation never got that they never got that memo never came well they would just be the types where they'd just be sitting around and they're like it's like a nice day and they'd be like god do you remember when jay's fucked up my grandma was like that and then but my dad tries to counteract that but he goes he goes but let's let's be honest like we do have a lot to be

grateful for we're not in africa dying of aids yeah yeah it's like well both of you are completely yeah the boomer with depression way of being positive he's like you know there's little children getting raped in the face in a basement right now and the only way i can feel okay about my life is by thinking about that because it's a weird form of fucked up boomer gratitude where like gratitude actually works like I'm thankful for my friends and the fact I have a house and I have this much money in my bank account. But they have to go like, no, there's actually, you know, there's like babies getting raped. Yeah. Well, Africa, they can only think about things they don't have.

Yeah. So they go, I'm grateful that I don't have this happening. It's the only way they can. They can only think in negative. Yeah. Right. They're truly like crows. they can only think in negative spaces. Yeah, right, right. They're truly like crows. They can only like examine things outside their body.

Like they can, they're smart enough to conceptualize things they don't have, but not smart enough to conceptualize their own existence. Yeah. You know? And they develop like a reptilian nature. Right.

Like my grandmother was like, in her older age, it was like, it was very, just guilt trip you over anything. Make a huge scene. If you were like, in her older age, it was like, it was very, just guilt trip you over anything. Make a huge scene if you were like, oh grandma, could I get some chips with this? She's like, give me that!

If you don't want it, don't ask! And then like, oh, and then just as she aged, was like just watching like a Komodo dragon walk around the house. Oh, cause those things like. They just, they kind kind of develop the shape of the manipulation that they commit on people, like a snake.

Like a biblical villain. Like a succubus. They're little satanic shapes. They can just move and shift and they sit in the dark. Everything they say is angry. I remember my grandma used to always repeat this one story about her doctor telling,

she was like, anytime having to drink water would come up, she'd be like, my doctor, I went to him, I said, I've been told

I should drink more water and he goes, you don't need water. It's a crock of shit. And then I'd be like, the doctor said that to you? The doctor screamed at you viciously?

Like everyone's assaulting them? Yeah, was your doctor also an 85 year old evil woman? was your to you? The doctor screamed at you viciously like everyone's assaulting them. Was your doctor also an 85 year old evil woman? Was your doctor you? She's Tyler Durden. Yeah it's also the thing they get trapped like the one like the one trap. It's always

like a thing where they're like well you know if I had old man Johnson's house up on the corner that big house I'd be happy for the rest of my life. And they just get hyper fixated on that one thing. It's that Daniel Plainview thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they're like, well, you know, the Jeffersons have a fucking wake house.

Must be nice. That type of shit. They spend the greatest moment of their life is they get a doctor with the last name Kennedy. Right. And they just treat him like he's a god. They're at like their daughter's wedding

and they're like, it'd be so much better of a wedding if I had that lake house. God damn it, I've fucked up my whole life. Imagine being that big of a retard though.

Imagine like dying and missing everything great. Mm-hmm. Right in front of you. Yeah, you're- Missing everything. You spend your whole life thinking about what you don't have and then in front of you yeah you're missing everything you spend your whole life thinking about what you don't have and then the second you're dying you're like oh fuck and then you just die and that's it yeah for that one moment you finally realize or maybe not actually maybe you're just probably being you till the end maybe

i do think a lot of those guys have they're so retarded that it literally takes like the knowledge that they're about to die in 45 minutes yeah like oh i've wasted my yeah yeah yeah the darwin like repenting yeah yeah because their whole life they distance themselves from things with idioms yeah they're just like well the dog doesn't the sunshine doesn't shine up the same dog's ass every day yeah or something something that a guy like that was invented on a plantation yeah that's been passed down for five generations something that like a wino started in like 1952 said yeah and then all the people with jobs quoted him yeah guy whispered to charles bukowski one day yeah a guy just screaming about the military industrial complex in like 1953.

That's guys who their sons die at war and they go, yeah, well, you know, bird in the hands, two in the bush. Can you process like a life event or an emotion or a moment? Can you exist in your own existence? You know what? You miss 99% of the shots you don't take or something like that.

Your son is dead. He's like, hey, a broken clock is right twice a day. You're the shots you don't take or something like that. Your son is dead. He's like, hey, a broken clock is right twice a day. You're like, I don't think that applies to him. You're saying your son is dead all day long. He goes, yeah, he's a broken clock his whole life. I need to get organized. You hear that one? No, what is that?

I got to get organized. I got to get organized. Remember Taxi Driver? He hangs up the thing. Sometimes I think I should get one of those shirts that say I got it. A mug that says I got it. I got to get organized. I got gotta get organized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember Taxi Driver? He hangs up the thing. Sometimes I think I should get one of those shirts that say I gotta get organized. A mug that say I gotta get organized. I gotta get organized. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love that. Yeah. Oh, I love deranged maniacs. A deranged maniac who's surviving only off of like Garfield posters. A guy, the only thing separating him from shooting up his work and his family is going Mondays, am I right? Maniacally laughing at Married with Children episodes. That's what's so great about the American Dream is those guys could so easily back in the day cosplay. Because they go, I know what guys do.

They walk out the door quickly with coffee. You have a jacket over this arm. You have coffee in this. And you get on the thing that takes you to the building where you do stuff. Yeah. It's a blueprint that anyone could do. Now it's up in the air. Now people are like, I know what I'll do.

I'll become a bus driver. I'll memorize all the routes. And then i'll blow this whole damn city up right i know what i'll do yeah but i could put bombs inside the livestock before they're shipped out to the people yeah people eat the bombs yeah i'll put poison in the chicken at the tyson chicken farm that i work at yeah but back in that day that guy was like you know what every successful guy does he drinks a copy with a cup of coffee with a cup of soup and then they just like copy like a successful businessman they met once yeah and then that carries them through every every morning you gotta read the

paper you gotta read the yeah i put my tie on i read the paper and that's how i made it in america I put my tie on. I read the paper. And that's how I made it in America. And I'm Willie Loman. I'm Willie Loman. But those guys now are like, you know, this is a police state. And they look at you like this. You know, this is a police state, right?

That's their personality now. Yeah. Willie Loman's grandson is like, if I take the fucking vaccine, I'll fucking. If they make me take the jab, i'll fucking blow the president's face off his goddamn body don't whistle in the elevator i make mark david chapman look like fucking mr rogers all right i just get in my ford f-150 and i'm minutes away from snapping i got i got napalm in my trunk i got shit they used in v they didn't even use in Vietnam. If I don't get promoted at the screw factory, I'm gonna fucking buy

900 pounds of fertilizer and blow the place to kingdom come. With Mr. Jefferson inside. It's guys applying to government jobs doing this with their hands as they're applying to the jobs. What government building should I infiltrate

and demolish? What could I learn here before I become radicalized? I mean, I'm going to work here for about 20 years and then I'll slowly become radicalized online and then I'll know all the exits. They're like, oh, what's my 30 year plan? So I'm going to work here for about 10 to 15 years

and then I'm going to be on the news one day. And then I'll spend the rest of my life you know in various maximum security prisons around the country morning he does it he's watching Spongebob like today's the big day Gary he's like you're damn right it is Spongebob yeah Titans is bowtie God I straight to the fair I wish the news still mattered because all there's so many psychos that end up journalism and mass communication majors at universities.

They're fucking losers. Anybody who's a JMC major, and I was one of them, they're huge losers. What's a JMC? Journalism, mass communication, stuff like that. I don't know whatever it is at your school. It's guys who in the 60s would have been able to just get a job where they're banging away at a typewriter and they buy a house from that where the cigarettes isn't it's not touching their lips but it's they're smoking it yeah yeah and while they're just ticking and tacking away at a thing but now like the

highest form of that is like you get a job at wired writing about how like sex robots are cool yeah yeah and there's also people I knew who were journalism majors who really wanted to work at like a news station and be a newsman. Right. Yeah. It was guys that would,

they would show up, they would drink a Mountain Dew Kickstart at 8 a.m. You know what a Mountain Dew Kickstart is? Yes, yes. I used to like them.

Like 400 milligrams of caffeine, 86 grams of sugar. You're blending up a Fruity Pebbles cereal box with the cardboard. You might as well smoke crack. It's liquid cocaine. This guy would walk in who was wearing an XL t-shirt that looked like a crop top. Gut just hanging out. Fucking, it's a family guy shirt.

Hair looks like, you know how cartoons, when people draw them with messy hair? Yeah. And it's just like Bart Simpson. It's just a squiggle. He had a squiggle haircut. Yeah, yeah, right. It was all fucked up. And his glasses never were, he always just slept on his glasses because he was reading

like Harry Potter fan fiction or something, like erotic fan fiction. Right. He was so fat, his glasses He was so fat his glasses bent. Yeah, his glasses bent like asymmetrically. He would drink a Kickstart and fall asleep in the front row by 8.05. Right. After drinking an entire Kickstart.

Just fall asleep, family guy shirt. I keep up with this guy. He says the most retarded shit possible he's like a sports podcast he used to drink the kickstarter then go fall asleep so he like drank the kickstart so his heart doesn't stop while sleeping it was probably recommended by a doctor like you'll die in your sleep if your heart isn't this is just for his blood you need to nuke your heart before bed if you want to sleep horizontally it's got to be a kickstart he's like the elephant man if he goes horizontal his skull crushes itself this motherfucker would be in the front row snoring snoring

yeah and it's a guy who's like my job is to run the cameras at the channel 5 news snoring during journalism class? Yes. And then the women that are in journalism classes, they're all hot but very psychotic. They're crazy people. There was this one girl someone shared in the private Lemming Party Discord, which

I didn't know about, who in the early 80s, she was rapidly approaching 30 and her doctor told her that her eggs uh she had a couple more months left to get pregnant or she was gonna she had some like weird her pussy was all fucked up yeah the doctor told her pussy was yeah pussy was retarded it was an 80s doctor he just like wafted yeah with his hand smoking a cigarette he goes your pussy smells retarded it's all fucked up just a doctor eating soup out of a bowl yeah he's like yeah i don't know it's dead he's smoking He goes, your pussy smells retarded. It's all fucked up.

Just a doctor eating soup out of a bowl. He's like, yeah, I don't know what to do. He's smoking a cigarette. He puts a cigarette in her pussy and lights it. There you go. And she went on the news as the journalism lady. Everybody said off. She had one of those things where she was super in love with someone at her work and it was an unrequited love situation obviously because this woman's

insane it's a walking kathy cartoon this lady oh an awful not a bad looking gal but she's the kind of lady that goes on a date once every like four, and all she talks about on the date is how she hasn't been on a date in four years. So it's weird. She just talks about how there's cobwebs inside of her. She goes on the date, and she goes, well, you know, the clock's ticking, so I gotta have kids.

Hope if you stick it in, a spider doesn't bite your thing. Just making jokes like that. Anyway, she pulled out a gun live on the air, and she shot herself in the back of the head and died. In like 1982. No, I remember about this lady wow they made a movie about her in florida yeah and they made some i think a movie why she she got on she went real joker style because if i remember right she goes and now this is like janet o'leary or whatever her name was and she goes and now for the latest the latest in blood and gore on the nightly news, I present to you my suicide.

And then she blew her fucking brains out. It's nice to see a woman have some follow through. No, it's admirable. That's crazy. That's Bud Dwyer. I thought Bud Dwyer started that whole shit. No, if the news still mattered, though, those people would be every day that we'd have a new person killing them. The weatherman would just pull out a shotgun.

It would just be a full metal jacket every day on the news. You'd be watching the news to watch someone kill themselves every day. But 10,000 people tune in now, so it doesn't even matter anymore. Now it's just... So they're not stressed out about what they're a part of anymore? Well, no, it's just that the news used to be a platform. Bigger, just because of the state of the country, everybody would be killing themselves. They'd get jobs at the news station to blow their brains out.

I'm saying you're a freak if you work at a news station. Yes. You're a weird freak. Oh, they all just fuck each other and shit. Now it's just- It's incestual. You basically, when you're on a road trip, you go to a Motel 6, you turn on the local news, you just get sexual fantasies with everybody. You're like, all right, Johnny Mountains, fucking Lisa Rains.

Yeah, yeah. And it's, like, hot. Oh, they all have porn names. They all have porn names. Yeah, Stormy Shadows. Yeah, Lusty McTitty is doing the news with, you know. No, they're all getting sucked off, like, under the desk. It's weird.

It's really weird. It's hot. They're all on drugs. Yeah, I think It's weird. It's really weird. It's hot. They're all on drugs. I think it's hot. It's kind of hot. I love news bloopers. To work in a news station. I think news stations are really sexy.

The thing is, if you look up salaries for journalists and stuff and people that work at news stations, it still says median salary is $28,000 somehow. They won't bump it up because no one... It's not a needed thing at all. It's $28, 28 000 you have to wake up at 1 a.m in the morning it's the worst it's like would you like to destroy your life to make no money no it's like you're making a person to become uh to assassinate the president you make them a journalism major to go work at a news station yeah yeah every news person is just like

a failed manchurian candidate yeah, they flunked out of the they tried to MK them in high school. The CIA was like, beat it, loser. Get out of here. Go do the news in Omaha. Why don't you read the traffic in Lincoln, Nebraska? Traffic report this 4 a.m.

There's no cars because where I live sucks and I should kill myself. You know how many weathermen probably have a beeping vest on under their suit? They just got their hand in their pocket. They're like, it's 86 degrees today. And they're just fiddling with that little red joker button. Could be a lot of thunder and lightning soon. If I have my way.

Free Palestine. soon if i have my way free palestine i guarantee you every person that works at a news station is a huge fan of the joker the new the new one oh yeah joker one joker one was loved by normies yeah like so many like there were so many like nfl players and like just everybody was on twitter just like whoa like i kind of want to kill people. Yeah, because they did like, they mythologized it as like incels like the movie, but it's like guys who do like CrossFit. Yeah. And show like Navy SEALs and stuff.

Yeah, exactly. It's like Liver King loved Joker, you know? Jocko Willink changes his name to Joker Willink. Yeah, he's like, I wake wake up at 4 30 every day to post he's doing reps of logging in yeah logging he's like 4 30 a.m in the computer room looking at pictures of pepe's making new pepe's i saw one of those fucking retards the muscle beach retards that just sit in front of uh like they have they don't really have podcasts they just put out clips yeah of a fake of them doing a fake podcast it's like

a microphone that's not plugged in yeah the audio's coming in through the camera it's a guy with fucking arnold schwarzenegger head just going like if you don't wake up and eat broccoli at 6 a.m and i've said this to people many times. You should blow your fucking brains out because you're worthless piece of shit. I hope you die.

I hope your kids get raped. Fuck you. Fuck your life. Just completely aggro and mean for no reason. And it just cuts to Patrick David Bett

just like with his hands together nodding. He goes but how are people supposed to afford glaciers to bathe in? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And they're always playing like that, the XX song that's like, boom, down, down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom, boom. It's a whole industry of that. It's a million of them. I saw one of those

retarded clips where he goes, let me break it down in 60 seconds how I turn a normal 18 hour day into three days. Here's how I do it first of all

6 a.m to 12 p.m that's day one 12 12 12 p.m to 6 p.m that's day two and then you go 6 p.m to 12 a.m guess what that's day three it's a guy who has to badass now. That's not happening. I'm like, 24 hours is still a day, no matter what you call it. A guy who, to do math, he has to go David Goggins mode. Yeah. So he's like, six plus six. So let's say you take six hard motherfucker seals.

Six is your inner bitch. Six inner bitches plus six hardcore motherfucker seals equals 12 badass motherfuckers and if you're not drinking fuck you water the only water made with piss you gotta hydrate hydrate pussy fuck you fuck you i think if i remember correctly he goes like he goes so so basically think of it this way. After one day, I got two days on you. After two days, I got four days on you. He goes, after a week, I have 21 days in, you only have seven. He goes, by a month, he goes, game over. By a year, he goes, forget it.

He's so retired, he thinks he's actually changing time. Yeah. He thinks he's stopping time. The comments are like, get it in, brother. They're doing the muscle. Yeah, the muscle. like, get it in, brother. They're doing like the muscle. Yeah, the muscle. Guys get it in. It's like top salesman at Pfizer, top salesman at like Toyota.

Hell yeah, brother. Yeah. He's just saying. Nothing. Nothing. You can't say a day is six hours, therefore you've accomplished more. It's for people who are too retarded to realize that life just sucks. Yeah.

It really is. So they can't just process that it sucks. They can't process that life sucks. So they're like, if I just become more of a badass, I'll figure out the big hole that exists in my soul. And it's like, that's just part of being a person. This will morph into them just promoting killing yourself so you can get a head start on the afterlife. They're like, I'm already in

the afterlife. I'm doing pushups with God. I'm doing pushups with God. What are you doing? You're too much of a pussy to blow your fucking brains out. Me and Jesus are weight training. God, I hate all these people.

I know. I would love a version of that guy who's just about being a massive loser, but with still that same mentality. Yeah, that same energy. Joker willing. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'll wake up at 6 a.m. 6 a.m. to 12, that's jack off time. I'm out of bed 6 a.m. looking at pornography on my phone.

Jacking off. Gooning. Gooning until I can't even cum anymore. Fucking making my dick rock. 12 p.m. to 6, Old Town Buffet. I'm eating all types of retarded, fucked up shit. 6 to 10, that's my Baja Blast time. 10 a.m. to midnight, I harass women online.

I DM Instagram models asking why won't they fuck me and then I tell them to go kill themselves when they don't respond fuck no I didn't serve my country I dodged the fucking draft fuck that shit I love war

I'm a fucking pussy though but I'm all in favor of killing brown people yeah yeah he's like a Nambla guy. He's like a child love guy. Yeah, he's like, well, personally,

I moved down to Seal Beach to this Nambla headquarters down here. It's the Seals and it's Nambla. If you're still commenting gorgeous under every woman's photo on Instagram, you're not living like I'm living. I fuck kids now. Are guys still doing that?

Kind of. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. God, girl, gorgeous. Damn, mama. Side eyes. Damn, mama. Damn, mama, the best is when it's really. Mama. You're seeing like an unattractive woman say like that

moment like they were like i finally realized i'm sexy a friend of ours once did the funniest most cruel thing i've ever heard of this girl you know what this is i think this girl we kind of knew wasn't that great looking and like one day on facebook she posted like that feeling when you realize you're fine you're actually hot and then this guy we did comedy with commented, he goes, that's crazy because you're super ugly. Oh, I know this. I know this person. It's a very funny

person. Yeah. It's always sad, but it doesn't work even for the... The internet's supposed to be just nice to any woman saying... Sure, yeah. A woman posting like a picture of like Pizza the Hut saying like, in my bad bitch era. You're like, pepperonis are falling off of you.

Yeah, yeah. A woman that looks like one of the aliens from Men in Black. A woman who posts like a subtle nude and you can see moss on her. Posting a picture of her next to some model that's popular and going, I'm starting to see the similarities. Right. It's like you have a tree branch growing out of your shoulder. It's a woman who looks like Tuca or Birdie.

Like the actual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a toucan. I gotta say, I've seen a lot less of that, though. I feel like a few years ago, we were dealing with a lot more ugly, confident women online. We've beat women down. We've beat them back down. Those women have not been fucked long enough that they realize they were wrong.

Yeah, yeah. No, we're beating... We're bringing women back down to men's level. Yeah. It got too unequal for a while. We called women ugly enough enough and some guys went out and did some bad things with guns and cars and knives yeah and it brought it back down right no right women were you are right women were getting real lippy they were getting real mouthy

you have to understand society is like an organism and if one of the cells mutates that's cancer yeah so everybody has to be put back in their place this This is why, you know, Dylan and Eric Klebold are like, you have Osama Bin Laden or you have, you know, these people that keep- You think school shooters are like white blood cells? Oh, well, if you think about it. Doesn't society- Remember this, folks. You can always get what you want through fear and intimidation.

That's right, Devin. You really can. You could open up a lot of avenues. You can scare people to the light. Yeah. I recommend taking to the streets. Anything that upsets you, do something about it. As you're sipping a cup of tea on your podcast.

Yeah. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. I think, by the way, I want to tease this, because do we want to do some Will and Don action over on the Patreon? I'm always into it. It's up to what the people, I don't know. Yeah, I'll do it. I don't fuck them. Fuck these people.

I'll do it. I don't care. I'm kind of in the mood to go at them because people have been sending me a lot of stuff. People seem to really like the Will and Don stuff. And I could talk about them for the rest of my life. We don't want to do just targeted harassment. We don't want to do the fuck these two people do. We should start a special tier where it's maybe

50 bucks. We'll do a three hour insane extravaganza with guns and GPS. We should have a tier that funds an operation to kidnap Will and Don. And we keep them on a live stream in my basement. And we like torture them with like knives.

We like hold lighters up to Will's hand. Yeah. Just to see if he's real. Yeah. It's like the footage of the Joker when he has that hostage. We throw Will and Don in a van. Oh, there he goes.

It's back. Interesting. What a strange technological That's weird. weird episode. Yeah. All these weird issues.

Anyway, so I think we're going to do Will and Don. It's funny Ben's asking like we can hear them. Like they're like, no, for the next step don't do that. Well, we just wanted to see what and Don on the Patreon. It's funny Ben's asking. Like, we can hear them. Like, they're like, no, for the next ep, don't do that. We're like, we just wanted to see what you think.

Oh, and you said yes. Okay, we'll do it. We'll do what we already wanted to do. I'm thinking maybe we do a little Will and Don action over on the Patreon. Not that the whole episode's going to be that. Sure, sure. And I'm into it. I want to do, I think we should do Jimmy Darts for like half a year.

Jimmy Darts made me more angry than Will and Don for some reason. Jimmy Darts is really what you were saying. I think he's a cancer on this society. I fucking hate his voice that I can't pin down. What is that voice? It's like he came from a long lost pedophile land. Like they had their own pedophile dialect. I feel like he got a voice box

like installed in his throat. Like a squeaker. He's a fake person. You could buy him. He's like a drone. You could just control him. No, he's like three kids in a trench coat yeah he's ai yeah yeah i hate that guy you you find out about people like jimmy darts and you're like you call your wife you're like honey clear my schedule for the next six months yeah i'm gonna be busy yeah devin state player does say hating from like

nine to five. And Devin just goes into the garage and just like wheels it open. And you go like course a Yellow King, like Rust Coal. You get like a public storage locker. I blow dust off a big net that I used in Vietnam.

Let's go round these people up. You start smoking cigarettes, but only after you've pinched them really hard at the filter? Yes. You smoke cigarettes that are flat. You iron your cigarettes and then you smoke them because you're so angry. You're carving Lone Star beer cans into little men while you just hate Jimmy Darts at a computer monitor. You get really into Nietzsche. little men while you just hate Jimmy Darts at a computer monitor.

You get really into Nietzsche. Yes. God, I hate Jimmy Darts. He sucked at his name, too. Perfect. Just like perfect. It's so easy to say Jimmy Darts. You just go, I hate Jimmy Darts.

It's like being mad at a gangster or something. It's like Jimmy the Darts. Yeah. Goddamn Milton Hasbro. Yeah. Jimmy Darts still owes me some medication. What is it? Milton Bradley?

Yeah, his name's Milton Bradley. Milton Bradley. Goddamn Milton Bradley. Goddamn Jimmy Hasbro. Dennis the Menace is up to his old tricks. As usual, it seems. What, Italian mobster Dennis the Menace? Yeah, yeah.

Looks like Bam Bam's at it again yeah we gotta we gotta get the twins bam bam and pebbles we gotta put them down uh yeah you you you you ruin your life over a guy named like od you ruin your life over a guy named after a side character in garfield yeah i used to ruin my life over open guy named after a side character in Garfield. Yeah, I used to ruin my life over open micers, we knew. I used to go home and be like, what the fuck? I'd just look him up.

I'd look up everything about him. I'd be like, this is, what? A guy who's homeless. Yeah, and then I'd go have to see him the next day. But all night, I'd be on YouTube like, and then, what the fuck is this show you did in San Francisco? What the fuck? No, you'd be binge drinking for months in bed. Yeah.

You'd be going crazy. No, I'm just like eating. You'd get married. I'm eating yogurt like under the sheets. Just like I can't believe a guy exists. You like end up.

And I'm just like, and everyone, I go, mom, and when I'm around him, everyone acts like it's fine. They act like he's funny. No, they act like he's Dave. They act like he's really good. I don he's dave i don't get it i don't get it you're in a wheelchair they chop my legs off like they

just amputate me for some reason they're like maybe the hatred's in his foot you're the only person i've ever met actually we're all kind of this way yeah we're we're like we've had moments where we're the guy at the end of a Twilight Zone episode that's completely lost his mind and been tortured by this cruel god in this world that's changed everything around him. Right. Where he can't come to grips with the way his life has become.

He's gone completely mad and rabid. We're in black and white. We're wandering around a town. We go, doesn't everybody see that Treehouse Franklin sucks? Some insane clown open mic-er. Treehouse Franklin.

Treehouse Franklin IV. He sucks ass. I think that was the guy's real name. He's really? Oh, is it really? I saw him first. I'm guessing it's not his Christian name. God. I mean. Anyway, you want to?

Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. I got to edit this. I'm going to be up until 4 a.m. This is going to be a little annoying for you. I feel it kind of sucks. You guys say I don't work hard. I see the comments. Ben works really hard.

You guys all say I don't work hard. I have the hardest job in the world. I talk to my friends. It's one of the hardest job in the world. I talk to my friends. It's one of the hardest jobs in the world. It's very hard. This chair hurts my back sometimes. I have to go for walks once, sometimes twice a day to stretch my legs out so I can talk to my friends once a week.

I have to drive here. I have to drive here. No, that's the other thing. I have to drive here I have to drive here no no that's the other thing sometimes Devin parks behind me and I'm not going anywhere but sometimes my wife is and she has to Uber cause Devin's blocking the driveway

don't you go and tell me I mean a podcaster's life is a tough life I mean it's hard patreon.com slash Lemon Party. Donate to the Patreon so we can become increasingly unfunny. Patreon makes you sign a contract where once you get past a certain level, you're only allowed a certain number of punchlines per 10 minutes.

There's a tier where if you pass this, you're no longer funny anymore ever. It's a comedy game, Warden, where he shows up. He goes, 35 punchlines in five minutes. It's not a comedy season. It looks like you're about 35 over. Oh, God. Okay. Patreon.com slash liveaparty for video and audio content.

Devin, hatewatchpod. Hatewatchpodcast on YouTube. Enough of that. I'm sick of that. All right. Bye. I'm sorry. Thank you.