lemonparty - 020: Lego La La Land

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty www.sheathunderwear.com use code lemon for 20% off ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check, check, one, two, test. I'm getting blown out here. It's really nice and comforting. While I do so, I face plug the clips channel oh right so i got it up there on the screen okay hey um ben's doing soy face go to the uh well now he's closing the door go to lemon party clips if you click on our channel and then go to other channels it'll be there and then if we get up to a thousand subs right ben then ben can start live streaming and eventually get uh taken in by the fbi yeah for doing something horrific on live stream yeah if you want ben to get ruby ridged with the dogs yes subscribe to the lemon party clips channel if we get to 1,000, we're going to behead somebody.

I'm just imagining the FBI surrounding Ben's new house, just doming Gracie and Emma. Just cop cars like the end of The Departed, just crawling up like rats. Test, test. Yep. Sounds great. Gracie running after a ball and just getting hit by a bazooka from a helicopter. Just a Behringer sniper taking her head off. Yeah, Emma trying to hop into a tank because she thinks it's a car.

Oh, that sweet, sweet Coke Zero. Oh, you're doing the mini cans. Those are good. They make you feel a little healthier. They're healthier. Yeah. They're healthier because they're smaller, but you drink seven of them. My doctor told me to start doing the mini cans of Coke Zero.

My doc told me to get into the mini cans. Okay, I feel like we're really going to make everybody happy this episode. Why is that? We're not going to make any references to anything. So we can only reference each other. Right. Okay. So like I can reference, for instance, I could reference Devin's hand or the shoe he's wearing.

Something like that. But however, I can't reference the brand of shoe because it might alienate a person. Right. We're only going to reference things that everybody, we're going to reference like the moon. The four elements. Right. We're talking water, air. Yeah. Maybe not dirt.

Honestly. Maybe not. Yeah yeah we will make a joke about derm and somebody's like never heard of it yeah i've been living in this box for 25 years can't even say like french doors people like the fuck's a french door i have to do some research to listen to lemon party talk about these gay doors why make them gay ben were you getting backlash for references lately no it's just one of of the many comments I see that makes me want to climb up something very high and start killing people from atop it. I agree. With a gun.

Yeah. Joking. Joking. This is the regular. Joking whatever robot watches YouTube videos. Joking whatever Chinese robot determines what can be on YouTube. Cut to a robot with his hand on a mouse. Just like, hmm, just taking it back off of it.

It says delete channel. It's just literally a robot in a chair going, hmm. But we lucked out because it's like the one incel robot that they have. Yeah, it gets no pussy. It's a fat robot. Yeah. They designed a fat one that gets no pussy. There's just like a Roomba at

YouTube deciding if people can keep their livelihood. There's just a bunch of buttons. A Roomba just hitting the wall. You're like, oh, I guess Colm Tyrell doesn't deserve to live. It's just a Roomba with a little stick duct tape to the top of it.

It just hits a button that says, delete Legion of Skanks. Yeah. Why did they get deleted? I have no idea. This might be hard to reference for people. Oh, yeah. If you don't know what that is. Legion of Skanks.

Yeah, yeah. They got the whole thing deleted. They made it to the Legion? Yeah. The Legion has fallen. The Legion has fallen. You know what's interesting? Legion means thousand, but that show's much bigger than that.

Yeah. Maybe they should change the name. Yeah. Kind of cringe. Also, no ladies on the channel. It's just guys. Yeah. Where's all the skanks?

Yeah, where are the skanks? I don't know, man. Oh, maybe it's their body count. Maybe that's what that means. Maybe it means they fucked a thousand ladies. Oh, yeah. They fucked a Roman army of whores. Who's the guy that fucked the most ladies ever?

What was his name? Yeah, it was Chase Avery. Dude, it was me, dude. It was at Sad Drongs by Jay. You're thinking of Wilt Chamberlain. Wilt Chamberlain, yeah. Oh, that's him? I thought it was a guy who was like a white guy who was a wrestler.

It's definitely not a white guy. Was it Ric Flair? It's definitely Wilt Chamberlain. Ric Flair claimed to have fucked like 10,000. They all say they fucked 10,000 women, but who knows? 10,000 is the highest people lie about. They don't go higher. They don't lie higher than 10,000.

Yeah, nobody said I fucked 11,000 women. 10,000 is already excessive, so. No one's ever just said, no, I fucked 25,000 women. Maybe they have, but they're probably an obvious retarded man. Sure. Yeah.

You know? Sure. By the way, boys, I went to... I really... Look, we don't do segments on the show, but I want to let you guys know I went to Legoland. I love Legoland. Hell yeah. See, I thought you might like Legoland.

I'm a Legoland guy. It was the first place I got to drive. A car? Yeah, they have the little cars for the kids. You were drunk driving there? Yeah, I drove right through a farmer's market. Like an old man. You broke out and made it to the highway?

Yeah, I broke out. Devin's like, I'm going for the coastline. Is it like a little Lego car? Yeah, there's like stoplights and you learn to drive. You can build a Dodge Challenger and get in it and go through Charlottesville. It's a little Charlottesville town they built. There's a little Lego cop that pulls you over if you're black and it's cocaine on you. Any black kid that gets in the Lego car, he just puts a knee in their back.

This is a Lego Derek Chauvin. They have a commie world at Legoland. You can like flip cop cars and do stand-up comedy. Yeah, they have a Brooklyn Legoland. Yeah. Little Antifa.

Or that square in Seattle where they just, they form their own like police and then instantly shot four kids or whatever. Yeah, it's called like Black, something block. I don't know. What were were you doing at legal and you were scouting children

no no devon i i was uh being i was cosplaying as will and don all weekend quite frankly i went full on will and don well you put a big clown nose on and a stupid hat well last night i went with katie and we met her family in outside san diego and we went to a place called the corvette diner devin do you know about this california staple i don't know about the corvette diner so they make the people there wear big beehive wigs okay wacky it's a big 1950s thing where everybody's super into Elvis Presley. Right. And the workers there, it's sort of like, so everyone's very peppy and very nice. They're really singing for their supper there.

This is in Legoland? No, this is right outside Legoland. It's a place called the Corvette Diner. Right. Where you walk in, there's a big Corvette. It's old America. It's like an Americana place. They got colored water fountains.

Really, the diners are the last bastion of like, didn't racism rule? You know that back room at diners? You don't want to know the story behind that. Yeah. The room with no windows? Yeah. We have an authentic 50s diner. If your wife tries to pay, we will backhand her.

Yeah, that rumor they don't serve forks or knives. You could give them forks, but they'll just steal them. Right. We won't even use them. We give them spoons, but we put corks on the end of them because they're too dangerous. Corks. We gave them knives once. They were melting them down.

Guys, really, stop. God damn it. Stop it. Stop. Come on. Stop. Enough. We had a hot racist diner bit going, and. God damn it. Stop it. Stop. Come on. Stop. Enough. We had a hot racist diner bit going, and you guys go crazy.

Jesus. They're just excited about Ken Hu Quang winning his first Oscar. Oh, it's the night of the Oscars, everybody. It's the Oscars. Ooh. Hey. It's a night of celebration. It's a big night of cringe.

Big night. Big night. It's a night of celebration It's a big night of cringe Big night Big night It's cringe night Whole night Was everybody All the time A lot One for everything

Yep Which means like Yeah like every Every like 20 minutes There was like a guy Like dressed like a dragon Like going on stage And accepting an award

Yeah then they have They bring Ken Huquan up And he goes I'm so happy Dude he acts like Your retarded child By the way Andan up. He goes, I'm so happy. Dude, he acts like your retarded child, by the way. And it started to piss me off. I'm like, are you doing a character, that guy?

This is the guy I want. Ku Si. Ken Huquan or Q Huquan. K Huquan. I've never ordered that before. Is it good? I usually get Patsy Yu. It's like Shabu Shabu, but he acts. It's a little healthier for you,

like it's not fried and you boil it. No, they have that at Wabba Grill, right? Yeah, and then best supporting actor went to Gyukaku. Okay, okay. At the Beverly Center. Wow, amazing. Guys, shut the fuck up.

Why are you having a full... You're fucking... We're trying to be racist right now. God damn it. Yeah. I can't believe Umami Burger lost that. Yeah, Keiho Kwon wins, and then he literally goes on stage. Stop it.

I'm going to start kicking him. Dude, kick him. I don't care. I'm going to kick you right in the face. We need one of those beanbag guns cops have at protests. Yes. So we can just shoot. Oh, shoot him with rock salt?

Shoot him in the ribs or something so they go down. Oh, Gracie found her crab, so she should calm down now. She has a stuffed crab she really likes. All right, anyway. So K.Hu Quang, this Chinese retard, wins. He goes up like- Back to the show. I swear to God, he goes up in like Velcro shoes and goes like, I so happy.

I didn't know I couldn't do it. No, he's like purposely dressing like he has a caretaker. Yeah. Like that he gets his shoes at the VA. Like he's got like Velcro shoes, those generic, just big black blocks as shoes. Yeah, your first waiting job shoes. They act like he's literally been working at a laundromat until

this night. Yeah, he was a very talented fight choreographer. He was in the industry for 30 plus years. I thought it was okay. A lot of people work their whole lives and don't get to that point. But he's like, it's like Simple Jack, kind of. Kind of. It's like, it's like Simple Jack, kind of. Kind of.

Yeah. It's like Simple Jackie Chan. Simple June. There we go. I was trying to find it. We got it. Simple Samurai Jack. Yeah. There's a lot of,

there's a lot of, you know, it's a plug and play. Excellent work, Jay. Cartoon Network, back in the 2000s. For all you on Wikipedia

and another tab. Right. For all you retards who still love comedy. Don't understand all the Breaking Bad references. What is it? You have a lot of hate in your heart. I like it. No, yeah.

You're angry. We're all in a hateful mood, honestly. I'm a little angry. We've been brooding for a while. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of darkness inside me We're mad as hell

And we're not gonna take it anymore That's true Network 1974 Check that out dipshits I'm not gonna let any Go look it up Not one of you motherfuckers I'm not gonna let one of you break me

But I am gonna stew like a lunatic Right Over things you call me on the internet It doesn't get to me I bring it up every show What you say to me You will not break me. You will just ruin my life slowly. So keep

it coming. See if I care. You're not gonna break me. I'll fill myself with so much hate that it cripples me in every relationship in my entire life. So, nice try. Ben wins an Oscar. His whole Oscar speech is just yelling at people on Instagram.

I'm yelling at a guy named Long Island Libertarian on Reddit as I'm accepting my award. Hey, Long Island Libertarian, just want to say that lake trout you caught looks fucking small as shit. You're a shitty fisherman. Your Oakleys look like shit. Go fuck yourself. That is everybody who hates us. Everybody that hates us has Oakleys and a trout in their hands. That is everybody who hates us.

Everybody that hates us has Oakley's and a trout in their hands. Yeah. Everybody who hates us, you click on their profile, and they look like Dodge Ram commercials really work on them. Like, they see a big bag of cement can loaned in a truck, they go, I gotta fucking get that. Honey, how much money we got? $5?

All right. Let's do it, baby. The type of people that they loved those Dennis Leary Hemi commercials. Yes. Where they're like, fuck yeah, dude. I'm a fucking man. Like, Leary, I'm going to get myself a Hemi. Right. And then you show them the old MTV Dennis Leary commercials.

They're like, that's too avant-garde for me. Let me tell you something. I want to be tuned in, plugged in, plugged off. And they go, that's kind of fucking weird. That's some gay shit. That's like poetry. That's like poetry and that's fucking gay. I'm fucking soft right now

man i did not know the guy from rescue me was not a real firefighter and he did and he did gay street poetry in black and white i thought he died in 9-11 this guy's still in valor he's still in firefighter valor come to find out uh yeah but so kehu ku Quang won. People are literally like, great job, you're doing great. And then I think Brendan Fraser won, right? Which is a great night for you. Congratulations, Ben. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. You willed this. Thank you. I can do the best impression of him, by the way. But it's the one where he's like, she's amazing. I just walk around the house all day and I'm like, she's amazing. What if in his speech he's like, and I'd like to thank Ben Avery who saw the whale 14 times at the Grove. Thank you, Ben.

He alienated the last few friends he had. He made his mother very worried about him. Thank you, Benny. I would love if you randomly ran into Brendan Fraser here in LA that he had to go the other way because he knows you from seeing. He cried seeing you crossing the street. Somebody gave him a dossier on you and said,

hey, just so you know, this guy watched The Whale 85 times. And we just tracked, we got a notification from AMC that this guy's probably going to wear your skin as a suit right now it's the peak of the Renaissance and we're expecting a Mark David Chapman figure to enter right here in act two this is our number one suspect

and then they slide a picture for it and it's me with the double chin doing soy face yeah exactly I'm aware of who he is yeah yeah and then he sees you in public he goes oh no I'm going to take my big crying eyes i have in every interview and go away he's another one they treat him like a retarded baby they do i hate it they do yeah they treat him like an idiot too he's got like sketchers on and like he's another character another guy who's got a caretaker because he had vocal cord surgery and he had a bad back and stuff and so

they treat him like he's rj midi what if you talk to brendan frazier about the way and he had a bad back and stuff. And so they treat him like he's RJ Middy. What if you talked to Brendan Fraser about the whale and he goes, listen, man, you kind of liked it too much. We're just making fun of fat people. It's supposed to be a comedy. He goes, we're just making fun of people that are fat as shit. No, I can't wait for them to release a director's cut. It looks more like the clumps and there's a lot of like...

Here's what the director's cut sounds like. Here's what the audio commentary of the whale sounds like. This is Darren Aronofsky and I'm watching the whale. The first it starts, he just goes. He's fat as shit. For an hour and a half. And then Brendan Fraser comes in. He goes, so we wanted the first scene to be him masturbated to gay porn because

we thought it was really funny and we fucking hate this guy we thought it was funny if he was gay right we could have just been straight porn right we you know i remember it was it was 2017 we're at martha's vineyards and darren turns to me and he says what if we made a movie about a big fat gay guy? And I said, Darren, sign me up. So we call up the ghost of Robert Evans. Dude, I do hope they release like the director's cut and that opening scene of him masturbating to gay pornography is like three hours long. Yeah.

And he's masturbating to the video Jordan Peterson got mad at on Twitter. The dick sucking factory video. That made me so happy. masturbating to the video Jordan Peterson got mad at on Twitter. The Dick Sucky Factory video. That made me so happy. He's just sharing like cum shot compilations from like Pornhub and he's like, look at the cummies! He's like, disgusting! Disgusting communists!

In China they're drinking cum out of martini glasses! Disgusting! So that video he shared was from the UK and it's a bdsm it's a porno yeah and it's it's called a milk uh it's like a milking yeah it's it's a milky it's a guy whose fetish is milking like getting sucked off by machines and shit so it's just a big it's like one of those things from uh airplanes that come down yeah yeah that came down over a guy's penis and he's in a hospital bed and it's just masturbating him.

It's hot as hell but it shouldn't be shared by Jordan Peterson. Because he thought in China they're literally milking people. They take the fat people in China and just hook them up to jerk off machines and just suck their cum out. I'm not really sure what he thought was happening. He's just like

he's like sharing clips of like Mike in Brazil and he's like it doesn't wonder Mike is even allowed in brazil with the covid laws the vaccine laws are tyrannical yeah jordan pearson is terrified of buses he goes ramon's in there and he's going to bang me the buses they drive around they pick you up and they fuck you. We were texting that he's probably... He thinks the fake taxi videos are real. People are so poor they're paying for sex.

She can't afford her rent and then she has to fuck her landlord. Look at Sarah J, this old whore. It's pathetic. Pizza men are showing up with holes cut in the bottom of their boxes. But that's not the kind of meat lovers you have in a capitalist society.

It's absolute lunacy. Alexis Texas isn't even from Texas. I know, sweetie. We're doing a podcast, but I love you. I love you. We were texting, though. We're doing a podcast, but I love you. I love you. We were texting, though. She's so cute.

He's so insane. Jordan. Jordan Peterson is so insane that he probably is. And I used to like him a lot, but clearly he's back on the pills hard. I had his book. I used to watch his videos. He's looking for secrets at the bottom of that bottle. He's got one eye in the bottom of that pill bottle.

Well, he only consumes raw meat and barbiturates. You start to go insane. His body's filled with tapeworms. He has the same diet as an 18th century whaler on an expedition. He's got the same diet as ASAP yams. He's on hardcore modern shit. Jordan's taking those pictures of like the blunt with the zany bars across it on the cup of lean it's like we're getting fucked up tonight

y'all know y'all bitches know what i'm talking about we're getting fucked up we get wrong dog tonight he's like hook up that motherfucking jerk off machine I saw from China? He's putting a bow tie on his lean cup. He's putting fucking suspenders and a bow tie on a double lean cup. Look at what post-modernism has done to the American family. You're fucking your stepmother. These women are getting stuck in laundry machines and getting fucked by their step-sons. It's sick.

This is communism. What is stuck porn? You tell me. Because I'm rather stuck, you bloody bastard. You bastard. I texted you. I think he's constantly hallucinating now. I think a lot of these guys think it's like 1776 and they're fighting for like the first like they see personages and

crazy they they always think they're at the circus yeah so these damned clowns and these pickled punks i text you that jordan's pov is just the world from big fish the tim burton movie exactly where there's a big he's talking to a big giant and a Danny DeVito in a top hat. He's fighting an interdimensional war. He doesn't know what's real anymore. No. He sees a video, like he could watch Videodrome and he just thinks it's Fox News. Yeah.

He doesn't know what's going on anymore. He thinks people are getting sucked into TVs and their stomachs are turning into pussies. Yeah. He has no idea what's going on anymore he thinks people are getting sucked into tvs and their stomachs are turning into pussies yeah he has no idea what's what's going on yeah he watches the fly and he's like science has gone too far they've turned jeff goldblum into a monster oh man poor i really hope jordan makes it back out because I met him and he seemed sane for that moment. But I mean, time will only tell. But it looks like he's in the, it's the part of the documentary where someone is just like, and then he shared the video of the guys getting, you know, sucked off by robots. And we thought that was real.

Yeah, it's the behind the music where they're like, and Jordan started taking 300 Benadryl every night. And he saw the hat man and the hat man told him to tweet about gay Chinese porn. And then Jordan started flying to Israel a lot. Now Jordan Peterson like a Nikki Sixx documentary.

Yeah, man. He just, you know, when you get addicted to your daughter's pussy, that's just a dark road you go down, man. In six years, Jordan Peterson will be on Soft White Underbelly. He'll be itching himself and shit. We can track it. We'll be like, look at Jordan Peterson year one and year six.

He's gumming the director for crack. He takes his dentures out and he's like, I can suck you for $40. Opie like face tattoos at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like an ace of spades. Right.

And he's just going, what does a dragon hide? A valuable treasure like me giving a gummy blowjob for crack. That's why we're scared of dragons. Because they have treasure. Big black pimp walks in the room.

He goes, that's T-Bone. That's T-Bone. He's my man. T-Bone. He's got his suit, but he's got the tied up boob bra thing where his shirt's tied in a knot. Where you just take a shirt

and you just tie it into a bikini. He's got a Lucy in one ear. He goes, that's T-Bone. He turns my ball pussy out. I put on a bloody dress and I get railed out by a man that looks like Joe Rogan.

The guy that does the videos is like, I found Jordan Peterson on the corner of Rosecrans today. He was running into traffic. He goes, what's up, daddy? You want to turn my body into a ping pong table? He's falling.

I feel bad for him because he's clearly falling. He's hurtling through an abyss. And he just, he turns every now and then he just sees a tweet and he thinks it's China or something and he just retweets it. These guys, they go into the only people that accepted it.

Like, when they got wrongfully hated by all sides. Because Jordan Pearson did get wrongfully hated at first. He got wrongfully hated, and now he's making himself rightfully hated, because you start just only going towards the people that accept you. And those people are like the Dave Rubins of the world. And then everyone goes, you're a fucking loser.

You're doing a big tour with Dave Rubin, the guy that was too retarded, you're a fucking loser. Did you do like a big like tour with Dave Ruben? The guy that was like too retarded to get invited back to the Joe Rogan experience. Dave Ruben was so stupid that he went on the Joe Rogan experience. The lowest threshold. The lowest threshold. And Rogan's like, I'll give you a chance. You can even come on like two,

three more times. I'll give you more chances. And he kept coming on and he's like, I mean the post office. What do we need that for? And Joe's like, well, I think it's pretty necessary actually. And he's like, oh,, the post office. What do we need that for? And Joe's like, well, I think it's pretty necessary, actually.

And he's like, oh, okay, you got me. All right. I'm pretty sure the green M&M isn't real. And he's like, well, yeah, you got me there. You got me there, Joe. He goes, did I mention I'm gay? They cut to Dave Rubin. He's just like boiling his own shoe. He's just stirring it in a pot.

Yeah, it's like a Charlie Chaplin film. Dave Rubin's like, you mind if I eat the straw eggs I brought with me he's eating like 45 hard boiled eggs throughout the interview but yeah you know starts you start touring with Crowder

and those people it's like you're gonna just get more heat on your back alright guys let's take a moment and thank my favorite sponsor of all the sponsors, Sheath Underwear. Sheath makes the most comfortable boxer briefs I've ever worn in my life. I do not wear anything else. That's actually true. Every time you hear my voice, every time you see my face, just know that I'm in a wonderfully

comfortable pair of Sheath boxer briefs. Their stretchy fabric is made out of a moisture-wicking technology. They are super soft. They keep everything cool and comfortable and in the right place says here i need a personal experience um let me think here uh uh one time i tied a bunch of sheath underwear together like a uh like a peter pan type of thing where i'm sneaking out of a window you're escaping an orphanage yeah but uh i was doing that to choke myself while I was masturbating

to pornography that if anyone ever found out I was watching it, I would take my own life immediately. If anybody confronted me about it, I would scramble for my nightstand where I keep a loaded.44 Magnum

and I would stick it in my mouth without thinking and blow the back of my head off. Of course. Hey, Glasshouse's brother.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's actually how David Carradine died was he didn't use sheath underwear to choke himself

while he was jerking off to a tight lady boy. Literally, I'd say the same thing. That's right. Chester Bennington, too, used sheath.

Wait, was he? No, he didn't use sheath. Oh, he didn't. But was he an autoerotic asphyxiation guy? Because David Carradine was. I think everyone that dies now is from autoerotic asphyxiation.

And they kind of covered it. Robin Williams. They all cover it. Autoerotic. We all know. We all know. I would... Wait, did you used to have a joke back in the day

where when someone was getting hung, they tied their hands behind their back so they wouldn't start masturbating? Yeah. Yeah, that was a whole joke of mine. Tony Scott was also trying to do autoerotic asphyxiation, but he was jumping from a bridge at the same time. Right. He thought it would really hit.

Sure. Dude, if you jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge while coming, that would be insane. That's crazy. Yeah. Dude, that's sick. I wish there was a scene in that suicide documentary where that was happening yeah a scene in jackass where they're like my name's my name's steve i want to commit suicide by jumping off the golden gate bridge there's no prank it's just him him killing himself what do they call it that by the way what the golden gate bridge what is that

it's not even gold it's a that's a fucking good point it's literally red the golden state they should call it the red bridge yeah they should call it the big red bridge if i was if i was the gayest mayor of all time which is the gay of san francisco yeah every milk if i was harvey milk two percent if i was harvey milk if i was the i Milk if I was the big gay mayor of San Francisco I'd say like I'd bang a big gay gavel and go it's called the red bridge now

and that's why the good people at sheath underwear by the way I went to sheath's website one time sheathunderwear.com and it was a meat spin, but kiddie porn. All right. So be careful about that.

Now you're just actively trying to lose us as sponsors. No. It's fine. Come on. Jokes. If we lose them, I'll Venmo both of you. It's a joke, but I honestly haven't gotten any of the Sheath underwear yet. Oh, I have. Did I not give you any? You haven't given me any of the sheath underwear yet. Oh, I have.

Did I not give you any? You haven't given me any of your underwear. Well, I'm hoarding it. Of course you are. You're a capitalist pig. You're a tyrant. Oh, I'm a bad guy? You're running this show into the ground.

I'm a bad guy? How am I a bad guy, Devin Costa? Well, you're taking my underwear. how am I a bad guy Devin Costa well you're taking my underwear can we get through this fucking ad

no I used to be a guy who just went and bought a six pack of Hanes underwear like a fucking retard didn't think about it at all

until she sent me a pair of their underwear I put it on I was like wow I can never go back I particularly love the dual pouches which is ones for your pussy Didn't think about it at all until she sent me a pair of their underwear. I put it on. I was like, wow, I can never go back. I particularly love the dual pouches, which is ones for your pussy and ones for your penis. That's right.

Yep. And they keep your man part separated and is a game changer. If you're a little bit skeptical as I was, I'd say give it a try. But even if you don't want to use the dual pouches, you don't have to. You can just wear them like a regular pair of boxer briefs and they'll be the most comfortable underwear you've ever put on your body they also have materials like bamboo and mesh for even more cooling comfort they have bamboo shirts oh that's cool and hoodies for the winter time it says go to sheathunderwear.com and get the most comfortable underwear you're ever wear and if you use the promo code lemon you also get 20% off your entire order that's sheathunderwear.com

promo code lemon for 20% off your entire order and we thank sheath thank you sheath it's actually really good underwear I've never worn it before but I've heard I know people that do and they say it's like it's like wearing like you know butter oh yeah if Derek Chauvin had a pair of these on

we would have had a much different pandemic the pandemic would have been smooth sailing very good way to wrap it I was looking for something I was looking for something I'm going to start telling you that all the sponsors are mad at us

instead of saying these guys are cool so we can do whatever they want the sheath guy is cool thank you sheath guy bye bye what's that guy's whole deal louder we're crowder the only thing i know about that guy steven crowder is that he had someone fake kneel on him for like eight minutes and 36 seconds i thought he was just kind of an annoying like right wing guy that like i still like you know I'm not gonna lie I do get I watch his videos they're entertaining like the whole like change

my mind and he like you know he argues with like a 14 year old with blue hair love that stuff love these guys sure you love confrontation I love confrontation I'll always watch it I don't really agree with him on a lot but like then I started seeing those videos where he's like reenacting the death

of like Trayvon Martin and you're like okay well alright well not sure about this one might have gone a little too loud with Crowder

I think Crowder's a little loud turns out that guy has a bad ticker who would have thought I heard he has seems like who would have thought

the guy who dresses like Serpico but he's not a cop, has a bad He wears a fake detective, like he wears a holster. Yeah. Yeah. Who would have thought a guy who's a fake detective would have a bad heart? Yeah.

So what does he put in that holster? Like the US Constitution? I don't know. What's he put in that shit? Lipitor? You're probably right. He has a real bad ticker, though. He's supposed to like die any day now.

Really? Huh. Which, if someone actually kneeled on his neck for real, like George Floyd style... Oh, he was. He didn't do it. It was another... He paid some white guy to get kneeled on. Oh, that was like...

I don't think it was him. Oh, okay. Maybe it was, but I don't think so. I remember him commenting on it. It was like a live stream. He paid Jordan Peterson to get kneeled on. Yeah, he's paying a guy who's clearly doing the thing where he's kneeling and he has his shoes where his knees are.

It's clearly not real at all. Well, everyone broke it down, but you're not even kneeling on him. It's fake. Because the guy's doing an interview while being kneeled on. Like that type of shit. Hey, whatever. Whatever you think about that, I don't really care. You don't reenact famous deaths, really, I just don't think.

You're not going to make it to 50, Steven. So what are you doing with your final days, dude? That's what I love about that. I love that guy who played Thor, who found out he's going to have crippling Alzheimer's. And now he's just going to spend his final day just staring at the ocean, holding the hand of his loved one. Because he's like well i'm not making another one of these pieces of shit yeah thor is retarded yeah he got like a terminal retard like uh yeah if you make too many marvel movies it gives you also it's

god's punishment for making bad art he's got a bad case of the mcu if you have to memorize those scripts it's like microwaving your head. You have to memorize I'll see you next fall or whatever you're saying. If you say, he's right behind me, isn't he, too many times, your brain starts to eat itself. Out of the shame.

It's like letting mice into your head. It's so dumb. Yeah, Dr. St. Don, Chris, we figured out you've done so much damage to American media intelligence that your brain's going to kill itself. Chris, you have a bad case of talking to fake raccoons for billions of dollars. Well, he's like, I'm not going to spend my last 10 years standing in front of a green screen staring at a tennis ball.

Right. And going, I'll see you next fall. Well, what is he going to do? Write the great American novel? Go do it until you're shitting yourself at 40. Get out there and get to dancing, retard. Yeah, he's like an NFL player in his last season. Yeah, what are we?

Oh, it's a shame. What is this? Chris Hemsworth? Chris Hemsworth? Chris Hemsworth. His name is Chris Hemsworth? Chris Hemsworth. His name is Chris Hemsworth. Chris Hemsworth. It's a shame we can't get that next 40 years out of you.

Yeah, fucking inject cortisol into his brain and shove him out there. Exactly. Throw him out there like a fucking linebacker in the Super Bowl whose head is falling off. Yeah, so teenagers can get sucked off at an AMC somewhere in Scottsdale. Exactly. There's a lot of kids getting handjobs to your shitty movies, retard. Yeah, so teenagers can get sucked off at an AMC somewhere in Scottsdale. Exactly. There's a lot of kids getting handjobs to your shitty movies, retard. Yeah, Chris. Dimension didn't stop Bruce Willis

from pumping out shit for the last 30 years. Yeah, it's true. It also helps because you don't remember the last shitty thing you made, so you just keep on trucking. Kind of a good point. You're kind of bulletproof as an artist. You never get in your own head. It doesn't exist. You can only remember things from three or four hours in that window.

It's kind of perfect. It's a beautiful, beautiful life. It's kind of like if you were making a Manchurian candidate for an actor in Hollywood, you'd want him to only remember things from the last five hours. Yeah. So it's like a prostitute that never runs out of fucks. Yeah's a prostitute you can pimp out her whole life yeah it's like she never has a mental break getting a boy who are addicted to like heroin yeah yeah all these people are legitimately zoolander like zoolander is real yeah he's these people well they're all getting

what's interesting is they're all getting zoolander surgery have you seen this with the blue steel face or whatever it's called um buccal fat stuff it's buckle cat or is it buccal i think it's pronounced buccal buccal fat and they're all on ozempic they're taking they're like stealing all the people like diabetics like medication so they like it's used to treat diabetes yeah and they're all injecting themselves with diabetes medication so they don't eat. So like Mindy Kaling was at the Oscars. She's all skinny all of a sudden. Dude, they got Jesse Plemons, which I was so sad about. Did you see this?

Plemons lost weight? Dude, he's real thin, and it's like Olympus has fallen. He was our last fat actor. No, Plemons. They took Plemons from us. No. I know. I liked fat Plemons.

I know. Hold on. The camera stopped recording, but keep going. He was like our last shitty looking actor who was famous. He was. He was becoming like the new Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yeah. I look at Jesse Plemons, I feel like I'm watching 70s cinema.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And he had an era where he was a little normal looking, skinny, whatever. But now it's time for the fat Plemons era. Yeah. I mean, he still looked like an Irish Frankenstein walking around walking around but yeah yeah yeah but what are you gonna do yeah what are you gonna do what is with this fucking bullshit camera we got it fucking sucks dude i hate this piece of shit but it was completely my fault is the battery just out no i just forgot to reset the card so i to put in another card.

Okay. No worries. Should we just wait? I mean, you guys can keep on breaking it out. I mean, all the comments now are going to say, like, you know. Wow. Yeah. Sad.

Wow. I guess Ben can't pay his electrical bill. Oh, that's why DWP shut off our shut off our podcast two guys in brown suits come out they go sorry boys patreon cards got rejected we got to shut this down so who else who else did you see win at the oscars what was because i left i i told ida i go hey i'm sorry baby girl i can't i can't stay for best pick that's's a real LA working class thing to say. Right. Can't stay for best pick, baby girl.

Baby girl. I got to go say retag. I got to go make content for incels. Sorry, baby girl. Sorry, baby girl. Can't make it. I saw everybody was upset Angela Bassett lost for, I honestly don't know if it's Black Panther 2 or The Woman King.

I can't tell either, and I thought Black Panther 2 was called Black Panther 2 or the Woman King. I can't tell either and I thought Black Panther 2 was called Black Panther 2, the Woman King. I thought Black Panther 2 was called Black Panther 2, the Woman King, Till. I thought it was three names. There's a second? I thought they run into Emmett Till in Wakanda. They probably shot them all on the same schedule.

They shot them all on the same day. Yeah, they cut one scene with Angel Bass. They're like, alright, bring in Till. Alright, bring in Till. All right, bring in Till. All right, so we did the scene where they bury Black Panther. Now they're going to beat the shit out of Emmett. The whole movie's about what happened to Chadwick Boseman, and they're like, ah, he whistled at a white woman at the liquor store.

Yeah, Chadwick whistled at a white woman, so they gave him cancer guns. They shot the CIA's cancer gun at Chadwick whistled at a white woman so they gave him cancer guns. They shot the CIA's cancer gun to Chadwick. These Klan members, they tied him up and they... They tied him up and they ran a microwave next to his brain. For hours. Yeah, of course, the Klan's getting a little more advanced. Made him so retarded he started making Marvel films. The Klan saw him in 42, and they knew he was up to something.

They had to stop this right away. How do we get out of this? I don't know. Ben, get over here. Hold on. Are we going... We're doing iPhone? Oh, we're going iPhone.

We're going iPhone now? I might ditch this camera completely and just start doing... I hate that piece of shit. It's done nothing but cause us problems. Can we get a full return at this point and get another one? I don't think so. I don't know. It's literally just my fault.

Again, it's like... Wow. I don't want to be too hard on yourself. Don't sell yourself short. Yeah, come on. We got a good... We got a hot Chadwick cancer riff out of that. Come on, get over here.

You're missing out on the Chadwick Boseman Emmett Diller riff that'll ruin our lives in three years. I came in all flustered because I drove back from Legoland. I came in here. I was going crazy. I forgot what he said. Flew back from Legoland. It's really Legoland's fault, if we're being honest. Oh, it's Legoland's fault.

I hope it keeps recording. It should. Yeah. I emptied out my Pepe folder last week so I should have enough memory right so I just freed up 150 gigabytes right the the terabyte storage that like uh fucking Stephen Paddock's brother had exactly like we found uh we found 150 terabytes of Pepe memes at Mr. Avery's apartment. But yeah, Angela Bassett was really upset that she didn't win for a movie that I don't think many people saw. And then everyone's like, man, this is a fucking racist academy. What is she in again? I think she's in Black Panther 2.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is hilarious that that's even up. Right. I don't care how good it is there shouldn't first off there shouldn't be any superhero movies at the oscars that are nominated unless it's unless somebody dies yeah or yeah unless the main character is like killing people like murdering people in new york right you know and it's kind of real none of that should be up but so this is a sequel and she's upset she didn't win I guess kind of

And it's racist or something I think Viola Davis should have won For playing Obama's wife She was in something That no one saw too She was in The Woman King She's The Woman King Oh cause we were saying

Viola Davis is always Everywhere I see her, she's crying. She's always crying, giving a speech and crying. I bet she is. She's like Allen Iverson. She's always just kind of sad about something. She's just always accepting a warning and going like, I mean, we're talking about practice.

Talking about practice. And then, what else did you see, Jace? I don't really remember. There's a lot of really bad live performances. From the Oscars? Yeah. Lady Gaga is there. She looks like Chris Moltisanti.

She sang a horrible song. Yeah, she really does look like an Italian sub come to life. Like if a prosciutto got a Frankenstein surgery. Yeah, truly. Salt and pepper, olive oil. She looks like the bird that cursed Chris when he got made.

She's the crow. She's the crow. From his maid ceremony. She flies away to go hang out with her dad, Andrew Dice Clay. And then she did

a live performance and she purposely took off all her makeup. I don't know if you noticed that oh wow so brave because that's like really brave and her lips she looks like she was like left in the desert like she looks all chapped lips

she looks like Clint Eastwood she looks like Saul Goodman's about to bury her just she looks like she's standing next to a shallow grave yes she's about to be kicked she looks like she wandered through the desert with Saul yeah and then I left but it sucked it sucked ass and they're just rewarding bad movies and it's a classic night yeah i just i just like like i was saying i just loved how everybody i only saw

like the pre-sup but every interview with brendan frazier he looks like he's always about to cry yeah for some reason he's in a lot of physical pain oh really yeah well he's always teary-eyed and they always come up to him they're like now brendan like we were worried about you because and it's such an insulting question to really ask because they're like we're worried about you because you're a fat pig now and your life sucks and but now it doesn't because you have fame yeah and recognition you used to be so hot in the mummy and now you're just so pathetic and sad you're so pathetic what does it feel like But you got an award and that means your life has meaning and worth to us now. Even though your seven foot son has crippling autism.

Right. The low functioning kind, which is true. They bring that up all the time. They do? Yeah. They're like, your son's like 400 pounds and autistic. What's that like? Jesus.

He goes through a lot of peanut butter and jellies, huh? What was he saying? You're probably using the jars with the peanut butter and the jelly, swirled. You're probably going through a couple jars a day. Right, because you can only keep one knife in the house. Yeah. One of those situations. But it's always the same.

And we said the same thing about Kehu Kwan, where they're like, your life was meaningless and you should have died. You should have killed yourself because you weren't famous. But now you're famous right now. They phrase everything. So your life was meaningless and you should have died. You should have killed yourself because you weren't famous, but now you're famous right now. They phrase everything where they're like, we're honestly all in disbelief here. You didn't kill yourself before this moment. Before we finally told you how great you are.

We anointed you with this award designed by pedophiles. Yes. Originally, the Academy Award was used as a weapon so people could fight off sexual predators in Hollywood. The Academy Award was initially used as a baton to beat off rapists. Who can remember that Academy Awards when

Anna Paquin won at age 10 and domed Harvey Weinstein in the face when he tried to rape her? Who could forget? Who could forget when Hattie McDaniel was given an Academy Award so she could fend off the Klan?

I mean, when Sidney Poitier and guys like that would win, I mean, people still weren't cool with that shit, right? Oh, no. I doubt it. Yeah, wildly not cool. But it was deserved.

Yeah. It wasn't just because they made a movie called black featuring uh ebony that's well that's what's interesting is then they go well it was so good we have to give it to him because of the performance because it was so good it transcends hatred even the board was it was like the all the grand wizards across the united states of america yeah and they were still, when he said Mr. Tibbs, I was moved. They're like, I still don't think he's a human being, but boy, that boy can act.

That's an acting fool. You see, they're empty. They're empty. They're empty, and that's why the man. Right. They have an extra muscle so they can act so good. Even Hitler was like, I did like In the Heat of the Night for much.

Borat Hitler? Yeah. It's me hitting us. Borat! Kill you by night. I killed my wife in a bunker. Dude, Hitler in that little green thong would be awesome.

Yeah, the green speedo. That'd be a way to get back at him. Dude, you know what would have post-war let's say hitler doesn't kill himself sure let's say that let's say he he does pretty pretty good job appealing to the uh parole board nine years into being in prison like morgan freeman in the shot yeahank Redemption. He seemed like Mississippi before parole board. And they go, now, boy,

you think you recidivized. They're like, he folds a lot of sheets. He goes, well, I think I've learned a lot in prison. Frankly, I don't give a damn.

I do not. Sign your silly papers. Recidivize? I don't know what the word mean. It's a little Jewish kid in Hitler, and a guy goes,

he's looking at you, kid. Nah. But some people say I'm a man who knows how to get things. I could get you a portrait of Rita Hayworth. Dude, legit... You could whack off to it. Legitimately, I see him...

I see a third act for Hitler. Sure. If he didn't take the coward's way out and dome himself in that bunker. He could have had a third and the third act. Third act being on the Full Sand podcast. That's right. Yep, yep.

Writing like an OJ style book if I did it. Being interviewed by four drunks. Hitler's got a podcast on Barstool Sports. He goes, we're going to take the over on the Kentucky game. We do a podcast designed to get people addicted to gambling apps. Oh, Hitler would definitely go on Red Scare.

Hitler would just talk to Dosh and Anna about communism. So you're Catholic now. That's very interesting i like that but if he if he rebranded back in the day hitler let's say it's 19 we got a pr team on hitler oh you get uh what's his name sandy wexler adam sandler's manager what's his name sandy uh he made the movie about him oh sandy i didn't know that Oh, Sandy. I didn't know that was his real manager. I didn't know that was a real guy. Yeah, that was his real manager. It was like a famous Hollywood guy.

They made that like a Netflix movie, right? With Adam Sandler called like Sandy Wexler. Yeah, yeah. And I watched it and then Judd Apatow's face was on screen for like three seconds. And then I just I took I ripped the TV off the wall like the way Johnny Cash rips the sink out and walk hard. You react to Judd Apatow. You react to Judd Apatow cameos the way Bengals fans do in the playoffs.

They're just like, motherfucker! Tears his TV down while the whole family's yelling. The dogs are copying my energy. They're barking at the TV. But it's like, Ron, Ron, it's just a game. Just a game. Tearing your funny people jersey off. He ain't gonna cook my ass.

You ain't gonna cook my ass. I ripped the TV out of the wall. Throw it. Yeah. But yeah, I literally, I saw that. I was like, yeah, not for me but i'm sure it was fine i love sandler i love sandler too but here's so here's what here's what hitler does night we're just looking at the year 1953 he gets out so it has nine years nine solid years

well that's the weird thing about prison is you you always read that someone gets 30 years and then they get out. It's like really 30 years is like 15 and then with good behavior you get out in two. I figured this out recently. A life sentence is 25 years. It's not life. It's not that. No, no.

There's a lot of murderers standing amongst us. And yeah, it's like- I worked in construction where they go, we have to legally tell you someone on your crew murdered someone. Yeah. We legally have to tell you which member of your crew is the only guy who hasn't murdered somebody. It was Alec Baldwin.

Alec Baldwin doing bricklaying. Baldwin is working at a construction site. Yeah, he's at a construction site trying to feed his nine Mexican children. In my face. His wife comes with tortillas for all the workers.

He lives in El Paso. He's just got a hellish life. He goes to the gas station, gets Modelo's on his lunch break. He drives a 99 Suburban. Y'all having any rain up that way? Just like becoming a no country for old men like retard what way would that be at the upper west side where you live with your non-fake mexican children

you getting any rain down there by the dakota uh yeah so hitler nine years 1953 it's It's 1953 and Hitler helps start McDonald's. So here's what he has to do. He has to start dressing totally different. He's got to really embrace Americana. He's got to start wearing a cowboy hat. Yeah. He has to.

He goes hard the other way. He has the rest of the mustache, but not the middle part. Trying to reinvent his image. And no one could recognize him. That's right not anybody and he starts getting on a he starts riding on that black bus with shel silverstein and hank williams oh and those guys and he becomes like a honky-tonk like country country guy the way borat that's what made me think about all right for him i saw we finally got there and all his friends are like, I mean, he's racist,

but he ain't a monster. Yeah, it's Hitler hanging out with Billy Joe Schaefer. He goes, you know, Hitler, you're alright. That Hitler boy's alright. He can't just laugh around to Jesus. He starts playing guitar for David Allen Coe. Yeah, and he's like, David,

he has some weird opinions on black people. It makes me uncomfortable david alcoa would outrace this hitler he would yeah for sure hitler would be like i'm leaving hitler would be like no david it was six million we did kill that many dude george jones dude george jones was probably more racist than Hitler. Yeah, for sure. I do. The idea of Hitler singing White Lightning is very funny to me. Just Hitler going, ooh, White Lightning.

Hitler becomes best friends with Mickey Mantle. He's one of the nine guys who fucks Marilyn Monroe. The coolest, too. The coolest guy is what we think, if that camera's still running. coolest, too. The coolest guy is what we think, if that camera's still running. Oh, yeah. I hope it is. It's not phasing us. I'll check it again, because otherwise people are yelling. People are screaming.

Everyone hates me. Everyone hates me. The comments have destroyed me as a man. We're on. We're on We're on Good Can you Can we talk about Is your free content

Good everybody Hope you're liking Your free shit Fucking retard You go full relapse Jason and I Start getting nervous We're like

Okay we are at This is our livelihood Alright Alright well This I mean Okay let's Alright Alright let's

Change our lives Alright Knock it off You think I care I'm writing bad let's just change our lives. All right, knock it out. You think I care? I'm writing bad novels. All right, well, I need this to go visit my girlfriend. Well, that's neither here nor there. You think I need this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Listen, I got some car payments coming up. Listen, Ben, come on. I made 40 grand for 10 years. You think I need it? I like it. Okay.

No, that's good. I like it. No, it's good to feel your emotions and whatnot, but seriously. Seriously, we want to give the people a fine product. Please. Please. My life was a living hell for 10 straight years.

Please. Please stop. You take the heat. You sit there and you take the heat. You sit there and you take the comments. So you're at goddamn Legoland. You're thinking about hitler go oh man by the way this okay the americana thing though to come back sure yeah the corvette diner

yes to become a will and don guy to to really sure if you go out into the world you put your soul at hazard as Sheriff Moss famously said in No Country for Old Men you go out and meet something you don't understand were you talking to an old cowboy

at the Corvette Tire were you at the cowboy diner with the sheriff who was going kids of our city, walking around with green hair and bones in their noses. As soon as you stop hearing yes ma'am and no ma'am, the rest is soon to follow. Well, we still got this racist diner we can eat at. Welcome to the Corvette diner, brother.

Look over yonder at the Legoland, whole lot of babies. You walk into the Corvette diner and there's a sign that says no racism on it with it like a prohibited sign but it's in quotations so it's ironic yeah the waitress comes up she goes now we it's no hard racism we we allow a normal amount of racism y'all i. We ain't Jews about it. I saw Big Greek guy comes out. He's the owner of it. He's the diner monkey that runs this place. The waiters are racist to the owner.

The owner's racist against himself. He goes, yes, I'm big Greek bastard. Yes. Big Greek bastard who runs this place. I'm like a nose with legs. Every day I have to plunge my shower. It's disgusting. I hate myself.

Fuck. You tell me this, young man. You tell me. Why did Yannis stop the history hyenas? Here's one question. He goes, that's his only question. Only question. And let me party's cringe.

Let me party rather cringe. We're just speeding this to a big sign that says Patreon episode. I know. All right. it has rapidly become patreon might be a patreon we'll see so so uh it's like it's like the will and don i think what i found is like the bit it's the i found some sort of like I found some sort of like, what's the word? Exegesis? Hmm? E-X-E-G-E-S-I-S. Exegesis.

Okay. It's like a text that explains a theory about the creation of the world, I think. Or maybe I'm thinking of a cosmogony. You got it. You got it. Dumb it down. Yeah, I don't know. You came into this upset that people don't get references and stuff,

and now you're speaking like some sort of fucking linguist. But what I'm saying is I think Will and Don from Yankee in the South, I think it's like a pure iron ore from the center of the earth that I found. And from them, all life is born. Sure. They're like Prometheus or something. They're like the... From them, they became man yeah sure they brought being retarded down from mount olympus and distributed to mankind it's like in the beginning the word was bucky's and like that they're like right it's like it's like yeah they are the Adam and Eve of America being terrible. It says it in the beginning.

They're the... Yeah, they're like... I think they're like the Antichrist for the end of American civilization. They're either the beginning or the end of something. The Alpha and the Omega. There's no way they can be the middle. Something went horribly wrong in a lab. Right.

They're like some sort of Wuhan... There's some sort of virus yeah they're a lab they're nero fiddling they're they're a sign they're a sign that things are on the outs is what they are they i at this corvette diner i i peeped i had to go to the gamer room i saw a sign that said gamer room you don't think i'm not taking a peep? Yeah, sure. My name is Ben Avery, goddammit. I'm peeping into the gamer room. First guy I see, guy with gloves.

Love that. Very ripped. Love a guy with gloves. He went to the arcade at the Corvette Diner with gloves on. He was sweating up a storm on that game where you dance. Dance Dance Revolution. It was called something else, but he, man, he was killing it. He puts on gloves to play Time Crisis 2 before he uses the,

he thinks he's like Hitman. Yeah. He's a guy who like when he games, he has to put the gloves on so he doesn't like fuck up his jerk off hand. He's like, I jerk off 10 to 12 times a day. If this gets callous, I'm fucked. But you're right. He's putting like a real gun on his Time Crisis right. He's putting a real gun on his time crisis, too.

He's shooting a gun into the machine. He's picking up the time crisis gun and trying to blow his brains out. He was leaned back up against the poles for the Dance Dance Revolution game with his gloves he was wearing and was just going crazy and clearly doing trick shots,

but leaning against it. Let me ask you this. How do his legs work? Why? What do you mean, how do his legs work? How does he have legs that his brain sends messages to move? Oh, yeah, I don't know, man. Wow, okay.

But I will say this. The only other guy I've seen that's as good as him is the Sandy Hook shooter. Adam Lanza was really good at Dance Dance. There's a video. Yeah, I'll pull it up. You don't think I'm not pulling it up? That'll pull it up. Oh, man. There's a video of Adam Lanza doing Dance Dance Revolution. He's unfortunately really kind of right.

He's really good at it? Yeah. This is actually making me uncomfortable. You kind of like, you watch, you're like, I get how he shot that many kids like watching this It's just been confirmed that this is video of Adam Lanza the disturbed young man Responsible for the massacre at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut Lanza they're showing their faces dance dance revolution video game where you dance to visual cues The video was recorded so he's not that good massacre in 2012. Come on. He's killing their faces. Look how good it is.

He's not that good. Oh, come on. He's killing it. No. Pause this. The VT shooter's way better. We're pulling up off the shooter. So, this guy, this guy This guy is dancing On it And between songs

He kind of like looks around He can see me staring And he just gives me one of these It just goes back to the game He cool guys you? He cool guide me Like ASAP Rocky Walking into the club

Sup Sup Sup You got the oxy? You got the oxy? You got the Mountain Dew? Yeah. You got the Gushers? Yes.

You got the Gushers? Yes. You coming to my party this Friday? Yes. The Place Beyond the Pussy? Place Beyond... I love that movie. Yeah, Place Beyond the Pines.

One of my favorite movies. Everyone look into it. I'm sure that'll be like three years of your life trying to figure that out. Yeah, Place Beyond the Pines. One of my favorite movies. Everyone look into it. I'm sure that'll be like three years of your life trying to figure that out. Yeah, it's three different people followers. It's crazy. But they're all connected. Yeah, it's an epic and it covers,

it's like two and a half hours long. I know that's like the amount of time these people spend bathing. Yeah, load up some episodes of Family guy on your phone so you can watch it you can watch it during the boring part yeah um so then i don't know if you guys have been to a restaurant like this but it really it gaslights me because all the people that work there they don't break character sure about how fucking happy they are to be there they don't they don't show a crack of it's they they come to the table and they go oh my god what a great day

to be alive everybody welcome to the corvette dining oh god yeah it's when it's that's that is where they start and it goes up it doesn't it doesn't go down the whole thing is it's when it's that's that is where they start and it goes up it doesn't it doesn't go down the whole thing is it's they they po i'm pretty sure this is what they do they poached like the employee of the month from local chick-fil-a's and then they make them smoke crystal meth before their shit i was about to say they probably go back and hit the pipe in the break room and then come back out oh they, they're not drug testing these employees. This sounds like... Sorry, go ahead.

It sounds like one of those places that have the... They stole the two tacos for 99 cents sign from Jack in the Box and they just put it up at their place. Have you seen those? No, no, no, I haven't. I've seen a lot of places steal Jack in the Box's signs because even those places can't believe the deals

that Jack in the Box is doing and then they put them up at their place. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, it wasn't that good. It's an insane deal though. It's a crazy deal. Most eaten food in America.

The tacos at Jack and the Box. Doesn't surprise me at all. Most eaten food in all of America. It's pretty good. Before you lose your train of thought. Right after cum. That's the top tip. Because cum, Jack and the Box tacos.

You really should be able to- Change. Yeah. You should be able to order all three of those at Jack in the Box, honestly. If you pull into the drive-thru after 2 a.m., they're like, we can just give you a bunch of cum. You go, I'll take the two tacos, the side of change, and a glass full of cum. They should put cum in a little taco sauce packet where you have to peel the cum packet open

and squirt it over your taco. They should do that. And I'm being sincere. Can I have a couple of spicy cums on the side? Give me the... There's a spicy cum on the side. Can I get the Diablo cum? I want...

What kind of cum? Sir, what kind of cum do you want in the bag? It's like the little honey mustard sauce where you have to peel the thing off and dip it in. You have to dip your quarter in the cum and then eat it. The guy in the drive-thru that's running

the register is like, he's just masturbating. Sir, the registers like can you want i'm kind of he's just masturbating kind of sir what kind of sir what kind of cum do you want in the bed all right you want you want a spicy cum all right you pull four all right jack in the box the only restaurant in america where the customers provide the food it's it's like dead skin they're calm cups of piss they're just sweeping off lazy boys that old men died in yeah you pull up at jagged vice you go hey i got a bunch of old seat belts can you fry these up bring what that's that's their deal it's

like an uncorking fee bring whatever you find we'll cook it for you yeah we'll fry no questions asked as long as it won't damage the fryer we'll fry it it's just a homeless guy with a shopping cart of cans yeah and they're just taking the cans and putting them in the deep fryer and then putting them back another homeless guy's like can you fry my tongue because there's an infection on it i think the heat would kill it. A homeless guy jacking a bicycle. This hand got cut off in a hobo war. Can I mash it into the griddle so it carterizes

the wound? Can you make it look like the Infinity Gauntlet? I was wondering. I'll sear it on the griddle and then you just duct tape a spatula to it and I'm good to go. Again, I'll sear it on the griddle, and then you just duct tape a spatula to it, and I'm good to go. Again, I pretty much lost this at a hobo war.

An all-out hobo war. It was the West Side Hobos versus Skid Row. It was like Avengers Endgame with homeless people. It was like Avengers Endgame, but if it took place at Skankfest. You will see that in LA. You'll make a wrong turn, and you're like, oh shit, there's a homeless Civil War.

Yeah. Like a homeless general's yelling, fix Bayonets. Yeah, he's like, charge! Yeah, they're all running up a hill. Shopping carts with shields. Yeah. They've like made a tank.

They've constructed a tank out of like Target shopping carts somehow. And then you try and make a right turn and there's like a headless torso like hopping across the street like taking like

30 minutes it's like Frogger yeah like Frogger it's hopping just hopping and you go who's that

and they're like that's the general yeah our leader's an arm it's an arm that crawls around like Thang from the Addams Family

I do remember when you remember when Echo Park It's an arm. It's an arm that crawls around like a thing from the Addams Family. I do remember when, you remember when Echo Park was just, it was like an ant trap of homeless people. During the pandemic, it was a Hooverville. It was a Hooverville. It was full of maybe 500 homeless people. And then one day the police, they gave them like two weeks warning, but the police was like, we're going to clear it out. I was driving around Echo Park when they cleared it out. It was kind of insane. It was like a human cockroach infestation.

What did they do? The police just came in with rams and fucking smoke grenades. They put on giant mousetraps, like mattresses with big metal poles on them that would snap down on them. They'd go, oh, I'm so tired from the afghanistan war and they would lay down and then snap yeah they put on big they put on big giant cartoon boots and start stepping on them just treating them like vermin yeah homeless guys stuck in big glue traps trying to get out but they were they it was literally

they were scattering and i saw i i came off the exit off the highway on like the 101 or something and i saw another guy i saw one homeless guy beating another homeless guy with a pipe while the other homeless guy was like running away yeah and it was like like one guy was wearing no shirt and the other guy was wearing like no pants Maybe that was what they were fighting over. I don't know. I've noticed they love to play Tom and Jerry style games. They do. Yeah, yeah. That is how they fight. It kind of is.

They're always running. Have you ever seen two chasing each other around a telephone pole like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's Looney Tunes. Like it's Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Well, cartoons were created from people observing crackheads. Tex Avery was just a warrior for the poor.

Tex Avery was watching a crackhead saw a big hole around himself in an attic and then falling through it. Well, all the early cartoons, it was just a guy stealing a pie from a window seal and then someone's in blackface suddenly. Tweety Burr was a crack baby. That's why its head looks like that. Yeah, I agree.

I believe that. Little things in Looney Tunes the ones from the 50s they're all like thalidomide babies. Yeah. The Tasmanian Devil was the first guy

to try angel dust. That's where they came up with him. He's going to turn into a big tornado and kill somebody in their apartment damn i wonder if this one's a patreon we did the whole hitler as a country singer bit here's the one thing i'm starting to realize what is the difference and yeah what is the difference yeah i don't even know but i am worried about this channel we're on all the time. Yeah, so that's another reason actually to go to the

Lemon Party clips channel in case this ever gets... As a backup, yeah. In case this ever gets taken down, we can just start posting there. And I'll figure out something to do for live streams. I think we should do like

a live stream every now and then. Yeah, we should. It's a long way away, but election night. Three, three, four hours. Yeah, we could do like a four hour thing live on that channel. Yeah, just sit around. We could do like a four hour thing live on that

channel yeah we could do sporting events stuff like that yeah you know i'm into it you can tune in give us 500 we'll say your name out loud it sucks there's not any like riots anymore or like if we were doing this podcast like 2020 2021 you know what i mean like oh my god so many live streams to do we could i mean we could get in, like, a Cybertruck and then just, like, drive around BLM protests doing, like, a live podcast. Bulletproof windows. Yep. Just run them over.

Mm-hmm. Not the BLM protesters. Homeless people. Yeah, the homeless. No, not the good people. The homeless people. No, homeless. People who fought in the Iraq War and lost their minds.

That's who we're talking about. Not kids who went to Columbia and moved out here to get screenwriting jobs and then lost their minds with the second the pandemic hit and decided for the first time in their lives they give a shit about black people oh that's true so before we go here i want to oh it's on my phone but i wrote down uh three guys that i saw today at lego land i really wanted to tell you guys about but i guess i'll have to tell you guys about, but I guess I'll have to tell you on Patreon unless I can remember it. Three guys. Okay. So one, one was a guy with Raiders Jersey.

Sure. Sure. And daughter had a jumpsuit with, and on the back. From a correctional facility? No, no, no.

Like a, like a five-year-old daughter jumpsuit. And on the back, it was a spray painted. It said Lola bunny and had Lola bunny's face on the back. So he's like, he's like preparing her to be like a it had Lola Bunny's face on the back. So he's like preparing her to be like a little like Chola slut at the age of five. As you do.

Well, if your child's born in a hospital in the South Bay, they just give that to you. Yeah, it's the blanket. In the maternity ward? Yeah, in the maternity ward. That's how they swaddle you. Yeah. Lola blanket. They're born into a Raiders jersey and then wrapped up. And then when they put them in the crib, they put them in a big whoa-oh jumpsuit.

And you go like, oh, fuck, man. Shit. It was a lot of all day of like, no, your brother's going to get the Lego kit for the sperm whale, and you're going to get the one to build the humpback. Yeah. All right, thanks, brother. You have a good one. They're all drinking sodas

out of a catalytic converter straw. They're like, do you have sour Legos? They're like, sir, you don't eat these. He's like, but I just like it when it's sour. Where's the flaming hot Lego?

With limon. They have a Lego kit to build one flaming hot? To just build a talkie. I heard today that Eva Longoria, the whore from Desperate Housewives, the tired old whore. Sure.

She's directing a movie about a flaming hot Cheetos man, and it's directed at the Latino community. Really? Yes. Jesus. Did we write this? It's gonna be like the Minions,

but they're all talkies? I guess. It's going to be like the Minions, but they're all talkies? I guess. It's like they think they're making a movie that Cesar Chavez would really love, but it's about a Flamin' Hot Cheeto. Jesus. Man. Good Lord. Yeah.

It's a real thing. Watch it make $5 billion. It will. It'll be the biggest thing of all time. Yeah, we're always flabbergasted by this stuff, and then anyone you meet is like, it's the greatest thing I've ever seen. The Minions movie made more money than all of Africa for all time. The Minions movie made like $3 billion or something.

The Minions movie made enough money to cure world hunger for the next 400 years. Yeah. Let's go into some DreamWorks pedophile. Yeah. Yeah. file yeah that is that is really what uh the entertainment uh industry is is to take money from uh cholos and give it into to jewish pedophiles i've always said if you're very lucky in this town one day you'll get to make a pedophile a lot of money um but uh um second guy, you saw Legoland.

Yeah. I'm trying to think. He's like my dad. Fuck. What is this? Oh yeah. So I saw, um, I saw a fucking, uh, 400 pound white guy. Nice.

With a hat, a flat bill that has fucking, what did it it said uh fucking god it was so good i haven't written down on my phone fuck it said wings it's god it was so it was so fucked his son had a hoodie with a punisher logo on it love that oh he uh his said um uh god what's that fucking show what's it said nitro circus i remembered he had a flat bill It said Nitro Circus. I remembered. He had a flat bill that said Nitro Circus with his little fat son wearing a Punisher hoodie with the spiked hair and stuff.

Nitro Circus. He's wearing that hat because Travis Pastrana jumped him once. Used him as a stunt. What is Nitro Circus? It's like a ridiculousness, but the new one? I think it was they did bike tricks on it.

It was like a BMX show. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm not sure. Yeah. I thought it was like Robin Big. I don't know.

I think it's a similar demographic. I mean, it's not like Nobel laureates. It was a 44-year-old man on a Huffy bike spinning the, I think just spinning the handlebars like that. That's a lot of men in California. The state flag of California should be a skateboarding 45-year-old

instead of a bear. Yeah, it should be a guy about to blow an ACL at a skate park. It really should be a middle-aged man with a backpack.

A middle-aged man with a backpack and a Carhartt hat on and he's trying to do like a kickflip in front of you at sunset. A 45-year-old

trying to explain no doubt to, like, teenagers and they right in front of you at sunset yeah a 45 year old trying to explain no doubt to like teenagers and they're calling him a pedophile just escape part and then the other guy i saw was uh i didn't realize how many danny trejo type like i like every three minutes i was like oh fuck that danie i was like nope not danny trejo but uh guys that uh their acne scars are so bad it looks like when they were a baby, they were struck by lightning. Yeah. And their body calcified immediately,

and then it grew around the fissures. Right, right, right. It's insane. They have such bad acne, they look biblical. Yes. It looks like it's from the book of Exodus. Yeah. I know what you mean.

They look like a tree stump that was struck by lightning a million times. Yeah. I know what you mean. They look like a Civil stump that was struck by lightning a million times yeah they look like a civil war veteran yeah where it kind of it's weird but because some of them are it's like imagine danny trejo if he got fat the fat doesn't grow where the dead skin is so it only grows out so it's like if you had a if you put a fishnet around a really fat guy's belly it grows around the come out the hole it grows around the scars yeah so he looked like it looks like he's it looks like a bubble wrap you want to pop them

it looks like you're making focaccia where you stick your fingers in the loaf like that before it rises yeah yeah yeah it looks like pretentious bread so what else did you do at legoland uh i had one i had so i had one one moment there that I'll share with the audience where it was in the morning. And look, we have a stat. We were talking about this

over text yesterday. I suck ass. OK. I don't know. I don't think that's true. you're really being hard on yourself today's episode. It's becoming uncomfortable

for both of us. Yeah, something something about Legoland really hurt you as a person. What happened to Legoland? If i have to be normal for two days i start losing my mind oh greasy but you let me you left you left your self-confidence at legoland yeah i don't know what yeah your self-confidence is riding around at legoland

that's my autistic country album uh but i was uh i was at legoland and then like for a second like they were doing something else and i sat down and i was i was reading moby dick at Legoland and then like for a second, like they were doing something else. And I sat down and I was, I was reading Moby Dick at Legoland. And I had a moment where I was like, is this really like every decision I've ever made? This is, this is what it's led to. This is who I've become.

Yeah. I want to like almost call mom and be like, was I fucking molested? Cause I'm like, I'm on a, I'm on a roller coaster right now. I made a Legos and I'm reading about whales. Yeah. What, like what happened? And she's like, Oh yeah, you were molested at i'm like i'm on i'm on a roller coaster right now made of legos and i'm reading about whales yeah what like what happened yeah she's like oh yeah you were molested at legoland by a by a sea captain you're like oh shit it makes perfect sense i was molested by a guy

with a peg leg yeah the guy he shoved his peg leg in your ass and molested you and molested you. Yar! There be a sweet nine-year-old boy. He's like, you know why they call it a peg leg, don't ya? Matey. All right, there's our white fag. Well, that was the only F-bomb of the episode.

Fag? Yeah, it was the only F-bomb. We can catch up. Oh, we gotta... We need a chalkboard. No, there's no fags in San Diego. No, no, no. Everyone was very nice

in San Diego. I know, they're finally nice because they're... Because why? I'm kidding. Oh, sure. Segway. And I want to say

that the Cholo community, especially in San Diego, are incredibly nice. Well, the Chol especially in San Diego, is incredibly nice. Well, the Cholos in San Diego are the type of Mexicans that will call ICE on their cousin. They're like those Republican Mexicans that live in Anaheim. And they're like, Edward's a fucking, he's lazy. They get him deported. They get him deported.

He's on food stamps we gotta call ICE they're like Trump they're the Mexican guys who get like the cop haircuts yes yeah they get like the pencil top haircuts

so they they call ICE on their cousins that were born here legally yeah and they know that and they still call ICE and then ICE comes to arrest them

and they're like fuck yeah they're like no handle yeah they treat it like swatting. They treat it like they're like Twitch streamers just swatting their family members. You know, my opinion on Ice, by the way, is everything should go back to kindergarten. It's like it's on base. On base.

You're here. You're here. It's on base. I completely agree. You got your foot on the base i think it's deranged to deport somebody that was brought here at four years old and because they're not a citizen like that's insane right that you know just just just from the eye test you know i don't care about the the legally or whatever the specifics of the law like there's

just a feeling where i'm like, come on. He doesn't know anything about Mexico. I know. What do you want from me? You want me to end the episode? I think Gracie does. And there comes Emma. She keeps touching my leg.

They've really been a lot today. Yeah, they've been a lot. As have you. Well, they can tell that I need it. They do. They're giving you love. Because I have my candy. Apple candy popcorn. Apple candy. Apple candy popcorn.

Apple candy. It's green. It's green. This is how they make it green. There's yellow food dye and blue. Oh, wow. So white people and Mexicans can find something to love about it. Yep.

Yep. I know Mexicans love apple flavored popcorn. Yeah. And white women love shit like this too. Who says we're out of touch? But the dogs can tell I've been down. I've been down and they're trying to show me some love. Well I don't know why you're sad,

you had like a corporate, you saw like your future for a second today. You think so? You could see yourself waiting in line. Because I have a kid? At places with a kid, yeah. Ah, man. Am I having the Sopranos moment

where I'm Christopher and I see like the kid with the Mountain Dew and they're getting in the car? You're about to leave town with your girlfriend who you love, but then you see a loser with a bunch of Mountain Dew and shitty kids in a Volkswagen and you go, I like my Hummer.

So you have your girlfriend killed. So you're at a crossroads and I think you're conflicted and it's bleeding into the podcast ruining me and Devin's livelihood. So I think you know what to do. So how about enough? No more kids, no more moving. You got other people to think about now, Buck.

We're the only family you need. And we're going to suck you dry. I'll get a vasectomy. If that's what you guys really want. Well, yeah. You should have had one by now. Be one of those guys who gets a secret vasectomy and doesn't tell their wife. And then they try to get pregnant for nine years.

And then she just thinks she has just like a dead pussy. You really blame it on her. Sorry, your pussy's a graveyard. Seven years in at dinner. Little does she know you're just shooting blanks. Oh, you're mocking her in front of people. Yeah. You're like, everybody, ding, ding, ding.

Everybody, here's my impression of my wife's pussy. Even though you got the vasectomy. You pointed at a security guard. Oh, look, the groundskeeper's here, honey. For your dead twat. Your fucking cemetery of a pussy. Oh, shit. Well,

patreon.com slash lemon party unless this is the Patreon, in which case you're already here. I think we can leave it, man. It's fine. I mean, unless the next one is with the Hard R episode. Oh, man. Just Christopher, oh man uh just just christopher just you guys killing my wife so i can be a racist live streamer yeah me yeah i come i come to devon and i've got the silvio hair and i go i killed katie i killed katie so we could live stream more yeah I don't know Tony she was in the way

I don't know Tony he did beat his wife to death at Legoland sorry kid was reading Moby Dick at Legoland you know it's her fault

we gotta shoot the intro of the Sopranos but it's just it's just Tony's stuck on the 405 and it's not moving for the entire the entire full minute.

He's in gridlock traffic. Yeah, and you see it behind him. You just see the Randy's Donuts, that big donut. And then planes are just... Just homeless people just on fire. And they're not playing a really cool song. It's just him listening to the Dave Rubin podcast. That's a good point, Dave. podcast. That's a good point, Dave.

Yeah. That's a good point. Wearing a People Under the Stairs shirt. Representing early LA 90s rap. Yeah. Acid Raindrops.

That's amazing. Acid Raindrops, yeah. Tony just keeps bringing up Manufacturing Consent by Thomas Sowell. You ever read this book? It was written by a molding yarn, but he's kind of cool,

like us, you know? Look, I'm getting into German idealism. You're the ficta. Listen, I've been reading Heigl because of Zizek, like so. You know, because of crack, you know, the Thule, Atlantis, you know, it will rise again,

you know? Mm-hmm. Patreon.com slash lemon party the clips channel subscribe to the clips channel yes oh yeah the lemon party clips channel I'll put it in the description please keep calm you don't have to keep commenting that we're we're raping you or whatever

but we prefer it if you do go ahead but do whatever you want whatever you want the bad made up stories about us are way better than direct quotes of what we say. I've realized. Yeah. I'd rather a made up story about me being a rapist than like a quote of a direct thing I said. Yeah, that happens where people go, I loved when you said, and then they send me a quote.

I said, I go, fuck, I said that? I said, yeah, I said that. Ah, shit. Yeah, they'll comment. They're like, I love when you quoted Mein Kampf for 45 minutes I'm like I did that

you listen back to the episode yeah you listen back I don't even speak German I don't even know yeah I guess I disassociated and became Hitler hate watch pod

Devin's pod yes youtube.com slash hate watch pod follow Gracie and Emma by the way people were the CBG shit we were gonna smoke

last week I think this might get ya I'm not sure what's going on A couple people in the comments were like

these guys don't know what CBG is I don't know Why don't you give me a nug and I'll test it out and I'll tell you what happens

Somebody made it sound like it could make you like it might not be good for a sober person. Okay. Folks, we're moving. Okay, I'm going to try to make the studio look pretty much just like this. Okay?

I got a spare bedroom where I'm going to put this. But our next episode we might be doing outside or something like that. I don't know. You're going to follow us with the transition, but we'll try to do video. It'll just be one episode. Or also the Patreon, too. Then a Patreon, yeah. Okay, bye, everybody. I don't know. You're going to follow us with the transition, but we'll try to do video. It'll just be one episode. Or also the Patreon, too. The Patreon, yeah. Okay, bye, everybody.

Thank you. Bye. I'm gonna kill you! Субтитры подогнал «Симон» Thank you.