lemonparty - 027: Crowder House Rules

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty www.mybookie.com use promo code lemon to secure first deposit bonus up to 1000 dollars ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Let's forget all that

And suck on a dick Here we come Are we starting without Devin? We can, if you want If you can do Are you doing a pull your pants up soy face? To all the haters who say To all the haters who say uh to all the haters who say i can't off the high-waisted look you look like you're about

to mow your lawn and then choke yourself while you masturbate you look like a dad with a sick sick private life i really fucking hate that so much dude you look like fucking a goofy you look like human a goofy movie I really fucking hate that so much. Dude, you look like human in a goofy movie. Jesus Christ. You know what's funny? As a white guy who sucks, this feels really comfortable and it makes me

feel like I'm myself. Yeah, it makes sense. You're wearing the fucking white dad uniform. As a white guy, what is it about, as a white guy, what is it about this that just is so, it feels so right? I think it just screams, I don't come in my wife anymore.

This screams like I had a surgery on my balls. It screams I'm trying to support four people through existence. And I have very small, tiny things that I'm hanging to by a thread that are keeping me going through life. The pants? Yeah. The whole outfit, really.

My wife comes home and she goes, Oh, sweetie, I don't like when you dress like that. Because I've been home all day alone like this. And she pulls out my shirt. She's like, don't do that. Untuck it. She likes to untuck. No, it's like coming home and your toddler has a lampshade on his head.

And he has a flaming stick. Like, no, we don't have that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Toddler's just waving a fucking revolver around. That's you. Yeah, you've turned a bunch of birds into a fucking doll. Taxidermying squirrels from the backyard. Yeah, you've crucified a squirrel

on a little popsicle cross. She goes, sweetie, no. That is wild. Do you do the tuck in while you're home alone writing? If there were cameras of me, what I do home alone, it's insane. Ben, didn't you ever... It's insane.

Here's the thing I don't get. When you were a kid, didn't you want to dress a certain way or wear certain shoes? You didn't have that, obviously. I think when I was young, I didn't understand what music was or what clothes were. I was just sort of... Have you seen american beauty yeah i was that bag you're just yeah i'm the like if you showed me american beauty when i was six years old i'd be like that's me i'm the bag and i was the weird kid filming him

and i go we're gonna make so much money off this guy i go there's an ocean of gold sleeping in the bed next to me i'm telling telling you, kid, liquid gold. We got liquid gold here. Yeah. See, I was the opposite. When I was a kid, I have friends that wear real shoes. They wear ring tips. Real pants.

They wear dress shoes or Doc Martens. And I'm like, what the fuck? You don't have to. I grew up waiting to be an adult so i could wear whatever the fuck i wanted like i want to wear cool like regular shoes sneakers we had people at our school who were like little businessmen like they had the wheeling backpack yeah like they were on a flight to tokyo for business yeah yeah yeah and they wear the little button down yeah i never understood that i'm, if you don't have to, that's the goal. Mm-hmm.

You know? Yeah. But Ben looks good. I was always jealous of the uniform guys because I myself want, if I wasn't married, I would wear one outfit all the time. My wife doesn't let me get rid of my clothes. I feel like you would wear what the caddies wear at Augusta National. The white racist jumpsuit?

You'd wear a big racist jumpsuit you'd wear a big white jumpsuit yeah like you were in prison yeah yeah you had to wear that and i'd have a katana sheathed right here i'd have dual katanas i was gonna say the fact that you tuck in your collared shirt it proves you're the most japanese white boy who ever lived oh this is a japanese thing right yeah yeah you dress like a japanese you walk like like a Japanese man. You got to tuck in your... You got to pull your pants up high because you're going to be doing a lot of squatting. And back when you drank,

you drank like a Japanese man. You did. Which is just blacking out in a suit somewhere in the subway. Yep. Japanese people, they work 90 hours a week and then they just black out on the subway track. Except your nine to five

was like turning Postmates on and sleeping in. It is funny to, because remember the days of me working at a dog food store? I think that was my longest job. It's funny to kind of live like Don Draper. And I don't mean the money or the nice suits. I mean just the alcoholism.

You're drinking like that, but then you work out. That was the funniest part, is that you dressed kind of corny, but adult. No, I dressed corny. You dressed corny. You'd walk all weird around the house. You'd walk like the barbarian lady

around the house. You walked like a spider. You walked on all fours around your house. You could go up walls and ceilings. you're dressed you're dressed like you know you're you go on like business trips and you worked at a dog food place where you'd go get hammered in the bathroom on captain morgan and then come out and like sell people like jerky for their dog because you weren't even you weren't even don draper at that point. You were Dick Whitman. You were Kevin Finnerty. That was Kevin Finnerty.

He was just at a dream going like, well, I'm here for business. I guess I'm stuck in Costa Mesa. Yeah, Costa Mesa for my insurance seminar. But then you'd be like just watching like deranged YouTube videos and laughing your ass off. You were like

your personality was polar opposite of how you dressed and your job. That was what was funny about you. Oh, interesting. I never thought of it that way. You didn't dress like Jay and Silent Bob. You didn't look like a slacker. But you were technically a slacker. But you always worked hard.

I'm just saying, like, your life was in shambles. I get it. I was like a weird anime character. Yeah. Where it's like, he's a really skinny guy, but he can eat a lot

and he loves food. Exactly. It's complete opposite. I always gave you shit back then because I never understood it. I'm like, fucking, just like me,

fucking wear bullshit. Wear some Nikes. And you were always, like, dressed well, but i'm like but you're a fucking loser it was always so confusing there's no reason for this why do you have a suit on you're a bum i'm just i i take my key because i had to know all the drunk driving laws yeah and i learned that your your key had to not be within your vehicle. Yeah, yeah. If you slept in your car drunk.

That's when you know you're doing bad in life, is you know exactly how to not get caught. You know all the laws. Yeah. You put it on your back tire. If you put it on the seat next to you, that's a dee. That's a dewey. You call them deweys.

I call them deweys. Yeah. You're like, I'm 20 feet from a school. This is a much larger sentence. I can't get caught sleeping in my car 20 feet from a school. Your officer, much larger sentence. I can't get caught sleeping in my car 20 feet from a school. Your officer, I was drunk driving out of the school zone. I know the laws.

Officer, I'm a sub. I'm using one of those things in There Will Be Blood where they can tell how far a thing is to another stake. Yes. I have one of those in the street so I know how far I am from the school. I'm like positioning

myself perfectly. I'll never forget when you drove me to that open mic. We were at your place in Eagle Rock and you drove me to an open mic.

Fucking hammer. How was my driving? You were great. Wow. Certain drunk drivers are actually better than sober because you're less aggressive. You're just kind of like,

hey, oh yeah. That is true. Me in the road. You're just kind of like, hey, oh, yeah. That is true. Me and the road. It's like, I can wait for everybody to merge. Yeah, and you're nervous. You're like a master at being drunk while driving. So you're just like, you're actually stopping at the stop sign for five seconds. You actually become like a good driver.

It's kind of bizarre. And we went to this open mic. You pulled into a side street. We were just in like a neighborhood. You pop the trunk of your Prius, this hatchback, and there's like fucking three-year-old beers in there. And they're all boiling hot. It was like the dead of summer.

It's like 120-degree beers. You gave me a beer once that burned me. It was like drinking coffee too fresh off the stove. And we just sat in the back of your Prius like it was like drinking coffee too fresh off the stove and we just sat in your back in the back of your Prius like you know like it was a porch yeah like it's the 4th of July in 1955 in small town USA and we'd watch people

that had their lives together walk by and we'd be like these fucking losers these losers how can people live like that yeah I remember one time I just rode with you doing Postmates around like Eagle Rock that's right I was just like I was fucked up I think I was you doing Postmates around like Eagle Rock. That's right. I was just like, I was fucked up. I think I was between jobs that I had rage quitted. Yeah.

Because I had that period where I just rage quit a new job every nine months. Yep. Because I still had the shame to try and be a normal person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But clearly I didn't have like the guts or the emotional ability to do it. Yep. And I would just, I waited until I cried enough times in an office bathroom and then I would quit.

And I think I was just hammered waiting for my new job to start and I rode around with you while you just brought pizzas to losers. I was like at your place and I was like, my thing was on.

I think I had my Postmates on. I'm like, I'm just hanging out. Like, I wound up in your neighborhood. Like, hey, can I come over?

I would do that all the time. I'd be like, hey, I'm in your neighborhood. Can I just come over and wait for a little bit? Right. And then I'd always be like,

you want to come? And then it would just be fun. You just blast music. And I would drive pizza to some retard. You drive pizza to some retard. We'd be like, that open mic is fucked in. I hope they die. I want to rape them to death.

That's all we would just talk about all day. Literally, our whole life was just bringing up open mic. And then we'd come home and put them on YouTube. Like, look at this fucking asshole. I know. That's where Hate home and put them on YouTube. Look at this fucking asshole. I know. That's where a hate watch came from. Yeah. You literally.

It literally came from people being like, you doing a hate watch? I would come over to your house and I'd look at the TV. I'm like, I don't want to watch Fleab Jibbum.

Put Fleab. Don't. I don't want to watch Fleab Jibbum's set. Take him off the TV. It's literally just like, it's a homeless guy. Yeah. It's a piece of

bacon from a cartoon it has like eyes and big white gloves a guy who sleeps you know how liquor stores pull down that cage in front of the door he goes you stand between the door and where that goes down and then you sleep and no one can hurt you yeah because you're behind the cage a guy who got killed by a bug zapper one night. Because he walked. That's old Fleab Jibbum. We go over. We just watch Fleab Jibbum all night. Talk shit about it.

And then I get. I was saying earlier. I didn't get to this, but I would get catastrophically high. You remember one time I got catastrophically high and then you just put on Apocalypto, which I'd never seen. Yep. I freaked you the fuck out. It just gave me another panic attack. It was you, Richie.

I think Ben was there. Ben. I don't remember that at all. I don't think Ben was there, actually. Don't remember that at all. But you, Richie, I think Noah was there. Yeah, Mark, I think. Mark, and none of you had seen Apocalypto.

And I was like, what? And we all got really high. And then I was like, you guys just got to take a seat and watch this movie. And I'm not kidding, like an hour and a half in these guys are like hyper ventilating like they're walking around my fucking living room just like pacing

yeah I think I'm being chased by a big warthog in the jungle I think I'm like a fucking Mayan in the year zero they had never cause I was getting payback on Jace because Jace no no no this is your rewriting I got payback on you oh you got payback on me okay cause Jace. No, no, no, no, no. This is your rewriting. I got payback on you. Oh, you got payback on me. Okay.

Because you did that. And then like six months later, I waited for you one night to be hammered. Yeah. And you and like Mark were arguing about like, I don't know, fucking Freddie Gibbs or something. Some bullshit. You guys get in a screaming match about fucking RZA. Eminem's ninth album. Yeah.

It was. Yeah. It would be about like, like, you know, about like, Kamikaze's not that bad. And we'd go on for like three weeks, like a three week epic battle. Or I'm like writing book reports on it and sending them to his room.

Right, yeah. It was like fucking you'd be like day nine of the MF Doom argument. And I came over. You guys were hammered. And I was like, you guys were screaming. I was bored. So I just put on Dear Zachary onto the TV without asking anybody.

You never told me anything about it. And we all just got locked in because it's such a good documentary at the beginning. And you're like, you get all consumed. And we all shut up. It was like fucking putting porn on or something. We all were just like, what? Yeah. We all just stopped talking. And then I'm justleeful because i if you haven't watched it fast forward

30 seconds i knew the part coming about revealing that the kid died yeah and i was just i was just gleefully just smiling the whole time and then the whole documentary like tricks you think the kids are like living and then he gets murdered by this crazy lady yep and i just look over at devon he's like I was literally sobbing. Great. Nothing emotionally affected me like that fucking movie. It was so depressing to me. And then Mark was a weird, different type of drunk.

He walked over, he started hitting. He's like, man, be a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark always had to do the fucking... Be a man. You could be a man. Like, it's the Godfather. Snap out of it.

You could be a man. Did that work back in the day when a woman was like, oh, oh, dear. It's like, shut the fuck up, you dumb bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it did. She'd go, thank you. Thank you so much. My jaw hurts so bad.

Right. I was having CTE-induced anxiety from my husband punching me, so I'm glad you slapped some sense into me for a second. from my husband punching me, so I'm glad you slapped some sense into me for a second. Just like your woman is hyperventilating because you've turned her brain into cottage cheese. You've turned her into a fucking raging bull. You've turned her into a...

50s housewife, they're like a beaten dog. You just keep them in a box. Like a chihuahua shaking. Yeah, shaking, and then you come home and just put them in a chokehold against the wall and you go you didn't even screw anything up i just hate myself so fucking much you're supposed to do wifely things yeah and then you you give her like fucking morphine and mommy's little helper like morphine and meth yeah i wonder how many women just lived in the basement back then

yeah like it all chained up yeah yeah like like a retarded son they don't talk about or something yeah like rosemary kennedy yeah yeah a lot of women probably did you ever see that movie in detroit with the blind guy oh uh don't breathe david you ever see don't breathe no it's with the jacked guy from Avatar. The evil guy from Avatar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But basically he keeps someone locked. He keeps like a lady locked in his basement that he like has it chained up

and he just like impregnates her and stuff. I think, I wonder if like a lot of women were like, oh no, that is, that is what I hope to one, I aspire to be that. I hope to one day grow up to be someone chained in a lightless room probably wish for it because like finally he's bringing me food yeah little girls in the 40s were like well I hope I just find a husband who hits me with the back of his hand only no open palm slaps if I could go to fucking JC Penney once a year okay

Rich is a good man he He lets me eat milk. I have all my teeth still. I would love to tour a house from like the 40s and 50s. I wonder if there's all these secret trap doors under the kitchen tile where you can press a button and they fall out a wood chipper. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They fall into...

There's a big tub that used to have tons of great white char i think every home that was built in like like the 30s or the 40s has like a sex trafficking room they like mr burns like office but just for like in case like a door-to-door salesman came by there was all sorts of weird shoots in the house i mean that's what all the every horror movie nowadays is made it's like you know yeah they're in a house. I mean, that's what all the... Every horror movie nowadays is made. It's like, you know, they're in a house that was built in 1930. Oh, yeah.

And there's all sorts of weird, like, you know, you're like, what is this? And it's like, oh, it looks... It's the perfect shape of a woman. Mm-hmm. Well, nothing to think about that. Anyways, back to raising my family in this house we just bought. Hope we don't get raped by the devil.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah't get raped by the devil. Yeah. Good stuff. Good times. I was fascinated by that time period because it's crazier than the Wild West to me. That's crazier than the Wild West to me because shit was insane. Yeah. It was the Wild West

of being a husband. Yes. You could do whatever you want. As a man, you were completely lawless. You could challenge your kid to a duel in the backyard. Yeah. Just throw a gun at his feet. Punch his chest. Be like, you fucking be a man! He's just sobbing. You're sending him to military school.

Imagine if you're... Imagine, if you will, your wife's being a bitch. Now... For you gentlemen, this will not be hard. Yes, we both have girlfriends. Sorry, I was distracted by James Corden for a second. Honestly, this is like, the guy's cooking burgers, and nothing's been more distracting to me.

Yeah. It's just too good. Just turn it off. It can't watch this. It's too... There is sometimes, you'll throw Subway Surfers on, and I can't do the podcast anymore. I just keep getting distracted by, it's just too good.

Put on cats. I don't care about cats. It's like the women of animals. Yeah, you're throwing on like adult Coco Melon and trying to get us a podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, imagine, if you will, a wife being a bitch. And it's your wife, and you're married to her. Imagine such a world. And she's holding you hostage because she's being a bitch. And it's your wife. And you're married to her. Imagine such a world. And she's holding you hostage because she's being

a bitch where? Where? In public. Because she had rosé. Right. Now... Seems uber specific. Now! Hold on. Let's go back in time. I'm wishbone. We're going back in time now. Here we go. We're going back in time like wish I'm wishbone okay we're going back in time now

here we go we're going back in time to 1952 okay she's being a bitch and she has rosé and you're at a grill you're flipping burgers and she says something shitty to you

you can just turn to her and you can just you can put her right in her place yeah you can say you know what well I masturbate to her right over there my buddy's

my buddy's wife how about that you dumb bitch? And your head shaking. And your head shaking, yeah. You're so much, you're vibrating. You get so angry, you turn into Katharine Hepburn. Well, I'll show you.

I'll show you. This is 1950s hatred. Well, I'm so angry, I'll put your head in the goddamn grave. Oh, honey. Yeah. I'm so angry, you turn put your head in the goddamn grill. Oh, honey. Yeah. I'm so angry you turned into a lesbian from 1940. You can just turn.

You can take your kiss the cook apron off. You take that off. You fold it. You pick it up. You dab your lips. You take the hot spatula from the fire, and you fucking whip her right across the head. Pow, bitch.

Yeah. And then she falls on the ground, and you fucking whip her right across the head. Pow, bitch. Yeah. And then she falls on the ground and you kick her. You start kicking her in the gut like that. That's a little bit much. And everyone gathers around and they go, what did she do? What did she do?

And the kids, your kids come and they start stomping on her. All the kids are jumping up and down on her. It's like a 2009 Worldstar video. Ants are crawling all over her. There's bugs on her. You gotta figure out this internalized rage

before shit gets real. Before it eats you alive. You and your family alive. There's never even been a scene in a movie about woman beating where they've ever kicked them on the floor. Yeah, yeah.

I've never seen that. If somebody tried to put that in enough, they'd be like, all right, this is comical. Dude, relax. Even in Raging Bull, Marv Scorsese is like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on, Bobby. You don't kick her on the floor. Come on, Bobby. Bobby D. Bobby D. No, dude, you could do anything back then. all barb's crusades he's like no no no no no come on bobby you don't kick her on the come on bobby bobby d no did you could do anything back then there was no law against hitting women yeah you could string your woman up like a catfish and drag her behind your car just grow through the town and just wave to people in your red convertible you could hello everyone hello like the way they used to drag people on horses through the dirt after they like robbed the bank you're saying they got them you could wear me project your wife for the crime it's like

a horse thief for the crime of being a time thief right you've wasted my time the top the crime of being a woman in the 1950s yeah yeah no you yeah back then they just called it going Crowder mode Steven Crowder did nothing wrong he didn't the only thing he did wrong is hey I don't think those were Cubans he was smoking cigar check Steven

I don't want my boss man smoking anything smoking anything except Cubans alright you're not sigma sigma peeled i can't even say that peeled peeled sigma peeled if my man is cigar maxing what if he's cigar maxing in the backyard and he's sigma maxing and he's fucking he's husband maxing yeah in the backyard yeah and he's trying to he husband maxing in the backyard and he's trying to

he's looking at this stupid fat bitch she is fat she's all pregnant she's fat as shit you can be pregnant and show none of the signs I've seen a lot of skinny pregnant bitches you can put a corset on and the baby will be fine yeah

your baby's shaped like a stretch arm your baby comes out like a stretch Armstrong. Your baby comes out like a Xerox. Your baby comes out looking like Tayshaun Prince. Your baby's born and it floats to the ground like this. Like a feather? Yeah, just like a piece of paper. Out of a copy machine.

I get it, Ben. I know where you're coming from here. I'm Team Crowder on this one. What did Crowder do wrong? Should we break down the video play by play? Play it. Okay. I do love these videos of the cat on GoPro. He's also got a shirt on that says, like, Fight for Freedom.

It's really funny. You spelled his name wrong, oh i did show a little respect steven with a v oh it's on my twitter i don't really it's on twitter it's on twitter or on reddit hold on we watched it on hate watch yesterday but okay who cares who gives a shit yeah oh that's me look at you the worst wow what a scumbag doesn't that face suck so much you suck ass that face looks like you just said all the things you said

about your wife you're just all proud of yourself hold on hold on hold on there we go here we go

ayo okay here we go you know like once a year Crowder takes those white dogs to the vet, and he has all black spots taken off them. They're way too white. He's like, my dog can run a little too fast. I'm uncomfortable. Can you surgically tie in those hamstrings up a little bit?

Can you remove my dog's ACLs? I do a boundary. No, no, you just did it. I do a boundary and abusive is cruel. You are not taking the car. Because if you refuse to do wifely things, then I will go pick up the groceries.

Stinks! Okay, pause it. She's doing the ultimate wifely thing she's exploding with your children right she's literally in intense pain and she can't stop eating ice cream because she's got two monsters growing inside she's got two future races inside of her. Two fucking future grifters are growing inside of her. I will proudly raise them. And he's like, yeah, you didn't fucking feed the dog with gloves. It's medicine. He's sitting there smoking a cigar

doing nothing. He's blowing smoke into his pregnant wife's face. Blowing smoke into a pregnant woman's face. With his children. It's like insane behavior. He's like a cartoon villain. Like he needs a mahogany desk to be standing behind. So what does he want he wants to go uh joe rogan mode i also yeah i also does he goes there are no groceries today steaks

wood pellets my grill yeah i mean he's uh he's like if i don't eat a steak every day my heart won't explode which by the way he monetized his heart surgery. Yeah, yeah. His whole heart problem thing. Wait, that was fake? No, it wasn't. I don't know how, I don't know the specifics of it, but all I know is that he advertised his YouTube channel

and Spotify, like, listen on this. He's going into surgery, and he's like, guys, pray for me, but it has all these ads on the screen. Guys, pray for me,

presented by Solo Stone. It's no different than the liberal comics that we've seen that have monetized their parents death right where they like a lot they like live tweet next to their mom dying right and everybody's like this rules yeah it isn't a sad grifter yeah day 14 of margaret turning into dust this rules and definitely isn't a fucking narcissistic ploy for attention. Yeah, that female comic twerking on her grandmother dying in an ICU.

Shaking her ass. We all know who we're talking about. Anyway. My grill. Back to defending women. Cheers, buddy. Cheers, buddy. I'll go do it.

How about you first? Hillary, how do you respond? I don't know, man. I don't know, man. He's just mad her name's Hillary. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like Hillary Banks from fucking Fresh Prince. You black bitch.

Man. She's so pregnant. I was going Clinton, but I like that one too! She's so pregnant. I was going Quentin, but I like that one too. She's so pregnant. What's the good part of this, by the way? Oh, it's all good. Yeah, it's all great. This is a master class in being a modern day piece of shit husband.

My favorite is him when he decides he's just rolling off the couch to go berate her more. Yep, yep. And then apparently when it cuts off, apparently couch to go berate her more. Yep. As she's going inside. And then apparently when it cuts off, apparently that's when the worst part happens. Right.

He starts doing his show. He kneels on a fake George Floyd's neck. Apparently when she walks in, the video cuts out, he yells like, I'll fuck you up. Right.

And then she ran out of the house. Really? I think that was the turning point in the marriage, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, but that's apparently what happens. There's no proof of that.

Well, once the cameras weren't rolling, what'd she say? The N-word. Very good. She called him the N-word. Very good. And he goes,

now you're being a wife. Now we're talking. Yeah. That's her wife. She goes, you haven't said the N-word. You haven't quoted crime statistics to me.

You know, sometimes I'm holding your neck while we fuck, and you don't even bring up black-on-black crime statistics, you sick bitch. You're neglecting your wifely duties. He has one car, too, by the way. He's like, what if, yeah. No, you can't take the car to the grocery store, because what if I want to see my boys?

Right. He's like, what if I want to fucking go play golf? He's like, I can't go to the gym. I can't go see my parents. Because you're boxing me in. He's like, we only have one Toyota Sienna, whore.

What is their car, by the way? Do you think it's a Polaris slingshot? I bet it's just a giant, it's a Polaris slingshot. I bet it's just a big SUV. Yeah, probably. I like to imagine it's those,

have you seen those cars in Japan where it's an egg? You're just in an egg and you're just like yeah you're in a it's the motorcycle that's a big wheel you sit in yeah yeah yeah yeah it's those big uh gamer chairs that look like scorpions i mean they're in dallas they're in dallas this is like classic dallas yeah so it's gonna be like a f-350 or something yeah this is what i imagine was going on in every backyard in Dallas when I was there. Pretty accurate. Yeah. You drive down a Dallas suburb and you see pregnant women trying to crawl out of windows.

Yeah. You're just like, I'm sure there's a guy in the backyard smoking a cigarette with a fight for freedom. Sure. Just abusing his pregnant wife. Every house is barbarian, but just with a wife and her husband. She's trying to escape. Don't act like I'm an asshole, bitch.

Okay, we have reservations at Houston's tonight. You fucking cunt whore. We were supposed to eat at the macaroni grill, bitch. And you're drinking tonight. You pregnant bitch. Right. Apparently he was also not at the birth of his children. He refused to go.

He wasn't present. Yeah. He was getting heart surgery, I think. Oh, was he? Fake heart surgery. Yeah. To fake heart surgery. You don't have to schedule... Oh my god, so it's another manipulative thing. I'm more important

than my future kids. Honey, I can't believe you couldn't hold off shooting them out of your pussy until my heart fixed. Textbook narcissist type behavior. I want to save her. Well, she's saved. She's good. She's going to take a lot of his money. No, but I want to raise her. Well, she's saved. She's good. She's going to take a lot of his money. No, but I want to raise her kids.

You do? You want to raise those two? I want to have a menage a trois with Miss Crowder. That'd be so funny to turn his kids into little weird online racists. Yeah. Well, they've got such natural ability in their genetics. Imagine me as their coach. This is the blind side for Ben.

Ben's like, I can create the ultimate Republican. Ben's like Sonny Vaccaro for Stephen Crowder's kids. He's like, I see a lot of potential with these kids. We have a new shoe and there's an image of a guy kneeling on a black person on it in the Nike logo.

Yeah, I have the ultimate police shoe, but we just need a name to go with it it's called the george floyd minion rise of guru yeah why don't you take a look at that and he slides it across the table oh this poor this poor gal this poor lady i know pretty unfortunate i could i could raise these kids. What's that saying? There's two wolves inside of you? What is it? How does it go?

An Indian came to an old Indian and was like, there's a wolf inside of you that's racist and gaslights your wife. And there's another wolf inside of you that's taken its fifth booster and wears a mask on airplanes. It's the old hood quote. It ain't the size of the fight in the dog.

It's the size of the racism in the dog. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. Exactly. Hustle and Flow is all about an up-and-coming conservative grifter. Yeah. He tries to hand Tucker a VHS while he's's shitting he's walking down a street in memphis

with his buddies like i've been having these like thoughts in my head man like these like fucking like black on black crime statistic thoughts in my head man i just i think we could do something with this i'm just i'm just thinking that we could make a studio and we can like take uh instances of like just violence like security footage from around the country and like really blow that out of proportion i just feel like we could find a bunch of black people that are like Manchurian candidates and they'll just like spew our racist bullshit for us, dog.

I think we could just find people who have just been destroyed by our society and use that as an example of how the society is not racist and actually good. Oh, for sure. Whoop that trick. What is that? What is it? Get an Uber. Okay, Stephen, I can't. He's making

his pregnant wife take an Uber to the grocery store. Because he might want to go see his boys. He's sitting in his backyard with his like fucking shitty shorts on and a Fight for Freedom shirt and he's got white socks. He's smoking a cigar and he's doing nothing apparently he's fiddling with his socks and he's yelling that his pregnant wife with twins isn't doing enough this is the one case i'm for like late term abortion like eight month abortion yeah like eight or nine month i'm

like yeah just fucking if he's gonna get to raise these kids at all, it's going to be, they're going to turn into this guy. Yeah. They're better off not ever living. He better cover that pool. Yeah, he might have a couple apples to pop. You might have a Shutter Island situation on your hands. Yeah, the entire Ladder with Crowder

has just been a psychological experiment to see if they can shock him into remembering he killed his wife in dallas texas also this guy being able to live anywhere in the world and choosing dallas texas it makes but isn't that the most on the nose thing that's what i'm saying yeah That's the perfect. It's so perfect. He's like, I live in Dallas. In Dallas. Where Luka Doncic plays. If you catch my wink drift. Dallas, Texas is like the Germany of America. Like it is.

That is where they go to point at white excellence is Dallas, Texas. No, you go to Pottery Barn there and all the dishware, it's just like Nazi plates and shit. Dallas, Texas. And like weird Nazi knives and like Hitler's soap. Imagine a city that's nothing but Brooks Brothers outlet stores. First major metropolitan city

that I was ever in where I was at like a nice restaurant with my girlfriend. We're having like a nice fine dining restaurant, like restaurant experience, right? And near the end of it, we we find out we look out the window and there's a trump rally going on near american airlines arena nice and half the fucking room full of like distinguished people stood up and turned into like frat guys yeah and they all walked outside like oh and like went to the Trump rally.

It was bizarre. It was amazing. I mean, it was beautiful. It was interesting to see that different perspective on things. But it was a retarded perspective. Well, if these two, if Lizzo and James Corden were at that restaurant, I think that night would have gone a little bit differently. You can hear the wheels squeaking from here. Oh, they're actually being towed on one of those trucks. This is just an

experiment in friction. Yeah, the tow truck comes to pick them up and it flips backwards. Yeah, these fucking retires. They both start eating the tires. They think they're chocolate donuts. I feel like if I saw, like, if you were driving and you saw the carpool karaoke, I feel like I'd just ram into it.

Like, instinct would just take me over. Oh, yeah. I heard it's fake. I heard they're not really driving through a city, though. I don't know. Because he does that stuff in, have you seen the stuff where they shut down a street in la so he can do his gay little fucking musical shit dances and bullshit he's charles whitman i i have no idea how people just don't like just fucking gas and break and then just peel into him i don't understand how like when i'm on world star hip-hop there's not video of like somebody

shooting him as he's dressed like a rat like like break dancing in front of like randy randy's donuts remember that video of the guy that like has he's uh his um his probation officer will ruin his life if he doesn't get to work on time and there's like a rally going on on the highway in maryland and they won't let him leave and he's screaming he's like get the fuck out of the fucking road i'm gonna lose my fucking job i'm gonna go back to prison yeah yeah and they all just keep standing there like sorry i'm sorry that's like that's that's i hope a guy like that domes him i mean i hope like i i hope he dies like a character in menace to society yeah like the guy from falling down i hope i him. I hope an Asian clerk thinks he's stealing an Arizona iced tea and kills him. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this,

and I think I want him to die in a biblical way. I want him to be washed away in a great flood. I want a rain to come, and I look out my window, and he's like being carried down the street. And then I see him go down a a drain pipe yeah like a human like a like an earth toilet yeah earth's toilet just screaming like a bitch flushed him down the earth it's a flood that only hits james gordon it's like five feet wide yeah yeah and he's still doing like show tunes the entire time. So he left the show, right?

And he's going back to England? I don't know. Whatever happens to him, I hope like some like Tarantino-esque, I hope like the gimp like Marcellus Wallace scene in Pulp Fiction, I hope that happens to him where he just gets titty fucked by like some psychopath below a pawn shop. He runs into a pawn shop and it's the wrong pawn shop. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Yeah.

That's right. I hope he dies like Revelations, like a big locust with a woman's face. Like God sends that down from heaven. Dude, I would love for him to die like that guy in The Mummy when that beetle's crawling under his skin

and gets his way to his heart. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. That was so scary when I was a kid. The beetle eating all your flesh. I just rewatched it. It's still kind of creepy. It's really creepy.

Watching the... Wait, why is that funny? Why is it so funny? Dude, I just thought of Brendan Fraser in The Whale, but all of his roles throughout all of his movies. That he's still in The Mummy. Like he's doing Tarzan. Right. But he is Brendan Fraser in The Whale. He swings on a vine and the tree comes out of the ground.

And then I'm thinking of The mummy too. Like he has the little shotgun and he's spinning it. Camel cracks in half. He spins the shotgun and then puts it in his mouth. Oh, he's loaded it with mac and cheese. He's the only corpse that like it never gets to his bones. The earth never gets to his bones the earth never

gets him to a skeleton he's still kind of fat when they find him like 500 years later right yeah they find him 500 years later they find him 500 years later he's the size of a normal person by then somebody's like this is a normal person That they must have skinned

Or something Because there's no There's just meat Oh shit Yeah He's in blast from the past But he gets stuck In that elevator going up

Can't get back to the surface Bedazzled Yeah What about bedazzled He's bedazzled But he's fat He's dating a chicken leg Bedazzled more Yeah. What about bedazzled? He's bedazzled. He's dating a chicken leg. Bedazzled more like befuddled.

Oh, he would shatter that backboard, right? Don't they shatter a glass backboard in that movie or something? Yeah, he wishes to be an NBA player and he dunks and shatters it back. The twist is that he has a tiny penis, so he wants to kill himself. You've seen Bedazzled right yeah a long time imagine a guy as fat as brendan fraser like eating katherine zeta jones's pussy wait she's not in that movie she's not in that movie you think the devil in that movie herley yeah she looks like Hurley, yeah. She looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones, but hotter. Oh, I haven't seen that movie in so long.

Probably since I was like 11. It's Hurley. It's Hurley. It's Hurley. Common mistake? I don't know about that. No. I remember it.

You're special. Yeah. Catherine Zeta-Jones did give Michael Douglas a throat cancer from her pussy. Yes, Catherine Zeta-Jones' pussy is full of HPV. But regardless, imagine Brendan Fraser shimmying over to you. cancer yes katherine zeta jones's pussy is full of hpv but regardless imagine like you know how uh have you seen a video of how a walrus like when it's a beach sure and that's like kind of bounce yeah it's like a school bus with no wheels yeah yeah it's just kind of fucking imagine just because you said katherine zeta jones imagine brandon fraser and the whale in entrapment going through those lasers but he's he does he tries to do like a sexy

hip thing under and he just hits every single one dude he's got to go back and do all of his roles now as in that fat suit i hope you get rich enough one day that brandon and also brandon frazier makes some really bad financial moves that you can just have him redo every single movie you ever want to see dude do you ever think about that how there's some freaky artists that you really love where you go yeah that guy should never should never have money like thank, you go, thank God David Lynch doesn't have $400 million because you would make an amusement park of nightmares that, like, shoots people, like, through their subconscious

and it, like, kills them. Like, they immediately burst into flames. Yeah, like, what if Vincent Gallo had $500 million and every year there's a new him getting sucked off movie? Yeah. Every single year. Just him legally kidnapping people. Some people can't.

Some people, they're so creatively weird and fucked up. Thank God they don't have the kind of money to just kind of live lawlessly. Because it would just be insane. They would make Jeffrey Epstein look like Walt Disney. That's all I'm saying. Kind of like, I guess, what Kanye did a little bit. Yeah, I guess that's actually a pretty good example.

Yeah, he's like, I'm so racist, I can become a Nazi. Right. Speaking of whales, look at who Steven Crowder's married to. Look at that fat bitch. Way to bring it back down. Oh, wait, can we finish this? Yeah. Twins.

Do you have some constraints? Steven. Like, I can't go. Listen to me. Listen to me. You want to walk out right now? Listen to me. I can't go to the gym.

I can't go to my parents. I can't call my friends. I can't be home. You're going to to the gym. I can't go to my parents. I can't call my friends. I can't be home. You're going to take the car. Who wants to go to their parents? Just think of how boxed in you've made me. What do you need me to pick up? I'll get it.

I'll be back when I'm back. No, that doesn't work either. You'll be back when you're back. That doesn't work either. Oh, my God. That sucks so fucking much. Just fucking. That doesn't work either.

That doesn't work either. That doesn't work either. That doesn't work either. Dude, it's like you married those eight-year-olds that you hated growing up. Yeah. It's you married the shitty bossy kid. Yep. Dude, he's the shitty kid on the block. Yeah.

He's the, you married the kid. Oh my God. You married the kid who goes, Mr. Peterson, we had homework that you forgot to have us turn in. Yep. Yep. He's that guy. Yeah.

Man, he sucks. he sucks ass and you can't change my mind now steven can't change my mind now got him i i understand the difference he's he thinks he's always in on his show yeah he thinks he's always debating somebody these guys always become the character they start playing at the beginning yeah he's like so you see this is a post-modern opinion you're having hillary you're you're consumed with post-modernism, you fucking cunt. See, a trad-cath wife would know to stay home so I can hang out with Kyle Reinhardt so we can go to the gym and lift weights together and get buff.

By the way, on a serious note, people are like, oh, you guys just aren't red-pilled or your politics different. I've watched his show before. It's just not funny. Just on a funny, comedic level. He's's not funny at all people think he's a comedian he's not funny they think he's a comedian and other people on the show are no no he's not funny he he he sparks up

like you know he's a um he he he i don't know he fucks shit up and and and it's it's entertaining i'll give him that he's entertaining enough like obviously he didn't get this big without not being entertaining but it's all i don't know if he could be entertaining in a vacuum i think you have to put him in a no no he's a he's a he's a product of his environment i mean he's you know so you're saying it's not his fault no it is his fault he knows exactly what he's doing mlb is finally back in full swing and my bookie is going to be your one-stop shop for all your betting needs lock in futures on your favorite club to win the world series or take advantage of crazy boosted odds via the MyBookie money bag.

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Wow, that's crazy. With my bookie. With my bookie, guys. He's also from Canada. He doesn't, like, why do you give a shit about American politics? With my bookie, guys. He's also from Canada. What do you give a shit about American politics? I hate all the politics guys who are from Canada. You figure that out after the fact? I found that out not long ago.

I was like, what? Use your shitty bird money and get the fuck out of here. Why don't you go rail against Justin Trudeau? Fucking fuck off with your thoughts on our world. Pour one out for Tom Green for never getting involved in American politics and just being a weird fucking funny ass.

God bless Tom Green. God bless Charlie. I love his dog, Charlie. I love Tom Green. I would love to get Tom Green on the show. Do you think he'd do it? I think he would. And I love that man.

I love Tom. Honestly, the only time I felt good during the pandemic was watching his van life videos. And I'm not kidding. They were the most wholesome thing going on during that time. It tom it was great yeah he was going through a ghost towns it was just tom green and his dog charlie and they would just drive their sprinter van through the country through america yeah this beautiful country we call america and he would just stay in fucking national parks and and cook dinner and then do his podcast and

it was so wholesome and nice and i i love that guy i think he's amazing me and my friend sam we helped write jokes for his stand-up back once but i never i never got to meet him but i helped him write jokes for tom green nice but he seems like a cool guy. He seems very centered. I mean, he had a cancer scare as a young man. Got a ball chopped off. Yeah, yeah. That guy kicks ass. I love that guy. He never made me laugh.

But he's an interesting person. Oh, really? Have you seen Freddy Got Fingered? No, I've never seen that. You should not. I don't know. Wait, wait. I don't trust Ben.

You should not. I know I wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like it. You should not watch Freddy Got I wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like it. You should not watch Freddy Got Fingered. You should watch Ben watch Freddy Got Fingered. Which we have to do on the Patreon someday. Yeah, we need to do that. I still have video on my phone from Ben watching Freddy Got Fingered.

Why does Ben love it so much? What is the thing here? Because it's just, you know, it's so retarded. It's so juvenile that Ben just turns into a fucking caricature of himself. Yeah, yeah. Imagine if you will, Nickicato Avocado. Imagine he's dressed like Paul Thomas Anderson, and he's sitting in a big director's chair,

and he's like, action. Okay, all right. That's it. Okay. That's the movie there's the scene i'm in yeah there's the scene i filmed ben like it was a fight on a subway watching that movie uh-huh there's a scene where tom green's fucking the dead moose from the eminem song yeah yeah and ben i literally like i was actually worried for him like he couldn't breathe oh yeah jace was calling 9-1-1 yeah yeah he's like my brother he's really retarded he's watching freddie got fingered I was actually worried for him. He couldn't breathe. Oh, yeah. Jason was calling 911. Yeah, yeah. He's like, my brother, he's really retarded.

He's watching Freddy Got Fingered for the first time. What color he turns when I should call you guys back? What's you? What's going through your mind? Ben's such a fascinating figure to me because he really knows what good comedy is. He has amazing sensors for life and art.

But at the same time loves some of the worst shit known to man. I've always wondered how that How does that happen? Devin, have you ever, you know Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd?

Yes. I'll explain it to Devin as if he's some 15-year-old with the Boondock Saints posters in his dorm room. Lower your esoteric IQ down and explain to Devin. Let me drink some paint thinner real quick. Get down to my level. Let me hold my breath for two minutes so I can explain this to you real quick. And put your glasses right right on the bridge of your nose ben devin let me explain this to you as if you're on an oxygen machine okay

okay okay so uh you you look at the you know those prisms on the cover of the pink floyd dark side of the moon where the light goes through it and becomes a rainbow? Yes. To you, you go, that is bullshit light. But if you have the prism and you let the light shine through that prism, you can see every color that the human eye can detect. And you see a whole new world, you see beautiful, a galactical dust, and you see insane things, and you see falling rain, you see things that your wildest heart

could never imagine. That, what I'm talking about is you have to see things through nine different layers and levels of irony. Okay. You have to destroy, you have to turn off

every part of you that is human right you have to go imagine your your the inside of your mind is a mansion let's say there's 120 rooms in this mansion right you have to go in 95 of the rooms and turn the lights off and you go all right I got seven rooms. That's what I'm working with. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Devin,

does this make any sense to you at all? That literally was the worst analogy I've ever heard in my life for anything ever. You're like, you're like retarded Daniel Plainfield. That was complete nonsense yeah you're like what you just said you're like you're like my straw goes all the way across the room and goes up your ass and i blow cum up your ass that sucked ass yeah that really sucked can i can say... You guys are gaslighting me.

No, we're... No, I feel like Mrs. Crowder. We're not... I feel like Mrs. Crowder. We're not gaslighting you, we're lighting you. I think I have... I think I have a better analogy, honestly, for Ben's taste in art.

Yeah. Because you're Ben's a brita filter of retardation right yeah people always have to go to jace be like what did he mean jace is my translator the guy doing the sign language behind me i'm the guy standing next to shohei atani and i go he uh say america number one i really did the thing i did the thing. I did the thing in Billy Madison where I say complete nonsense. And then you stand up and you go, what you just said. What you just said, sir.

Oh, you got eight seconds in. I'm like, this is going off a cliff. You also transitioned in the middle of it. You completely abandoned your first point. You were like, okay, so there's a mansion. And I was like, what now? What? I thought we were already in another thing.'ve heard joey hammered make better arguments i here's here's what i think

it is is so ben loves amazing art and people who should be shot and killed yes so it's like if have you ever heard that i think there's like a popular internet thing like would you rather fuck buck angel or bailey jay yeah i've heard yeah yeah ben if ben's art was his sexuality he he would only be attracted to those two people right that would be it you only like things on either end of the spectrum of reality you're an extremist yeah you like extremely bisexual you are kind of yeah you're you're an artistically bisexual you're artistically bisexual but only for weird fucked up stuff you like stuff that's so on the end of

the spectrum it makes you question what you are doing that's what's always yeah that's what's always fascinated me about Ben is because he only he only likes either the like highest art known to man or the dumbest guy alive. Right.

And there's no... Anyone just trying that's middling and in the middle, he's like, you're a fucking retard. Kill yourself. It's kind of like imagine The Great Gatsby has everybody over and then he just makes them watch Big Mama's House 2 on a projector. He's looking at the... I'm like swirling a wine glass. You're looking at the green light, just makes him watch Big Mama's House 2 on a projector.

I'm like swirling a wine glass. You're looking at the green light, but it's just a Pepe in the distance. I'm looking at a rare Pepe across the Long Island Sound. You're looking for the face of God and it can either go through infinite jest or a man shitting in a bag on the street.

Those are your two faces of God. I really am holding up a man shitting in a bag on the street those are your two faces of god i really am holding up a monocle to a picture of of uh nikocado avocado's asshole i'm just looking at it from all different angles yeah yeah that's what you are i i've always called you know what i am i think i'm the wise retard yeah that should be the name of this episode The wise retard I think I called you that After I did acid for the first time He is a wise retard No I did fucking mushrooms After a bad breakup I did a fucking handful of mushrooms

First time I'd ever done hallucinogens And I came up with monikers For everyone I thought I was dead In heaven And I go Ben because we weren't as as close back then you know because we'd still come from this weird christian background and i'm high out of my mind staring directly into the sun just crying and i go ben is the wise

retard i thought he was the retarded wise man but this whole time and i wrote it down on my hand because i forgot to bring paper for notes i was that guy who did mushrooms with like notebooks yeah yeah you brought a stenographer with you chopped down my actions and i said you were the wise retard yeah that's beautiful that is beautiful yeah wow i love you guys i you guys. I love you too, buddy. Yeah. You guys did gaslight me though. When? Well, I had like a perfect analogy for everything.

And you guys are like being willfully obtuse. That didn't make any sense. You're being willfully obtuse. All you did was take a bunch of rooms in a mansion and then reduce it to seven. And then you were like, voila. Yeah. And we were like, what? Midway through that metaphor felt like when you're watching your kid

who's really bad at sports do sports. It was like. And you feel just bad for him. Yeah, it was like watching a layup line for a crippled kid. Oh, shit. Good times, though. Yeah. No, you guys are wrong, though.

Sure. Yeah, you guys are actually the retarded ones. I'm the wise, wise man. You guys are the retarded retards. And you're gay. We will. He just started flipping us off. He just flipped us off.

But we will watch Freddy Got Fingered on a live stream. Yeah, that'll be great. We'll do that and then we'll have Tom Green on and just talk about fucking Drew Barrymore

the entire time. Please, if you are on social media, which you probably are tweet at tom green and ask him to come on lemon party yeah because he's awesome and i would love to i'd love to be friends with tom green and go eat like donut holes with him and stuff which i imagine him eating donut holes i'd love to go on a little road trip with him and charlie

yeah i'd love to i would go to um would go to Austin and back with Tom Green yeah and we could podcast the whole way and we should do that we should go to Norm's grave that would be a good one

that'd be cool where's his grave where's his grave yeah we should go fuck Patrice's wife we should do a whole road trip I don't know where Norm's buried maybe they buried him at sea

like Osama or something they just pushed him off like the uss endeavor it's really you know he's probably buried in wherever what was his hometown where was norm from canada ottawa canada probably somewhere in canada then like edmonton or something like that yeah well i'm not going yeah i've heard their border laws are really do they do that like when someone dies in afghanistan and then they ship them home on a plane in a freezer do they do that with people in Afghanistan and then they ship them home on a plane in a freezer?

Do they do that with people in America? They go ship them to Canada and like on a plane, like on a military plane? Yeah, like with a big American flag over the top of it. Are there planes that just ship dead people? Yeah. Probably. Or it's probably just your plane that you're on. You don't know there's a dead Iraqi war veteran.

Do you think they put them under? Maybe they put them in a seat. Who knows? I hate that. I hate the idea of that. They might put him in your overhead. Sir, it won't fit. Sir, your dead brother won't fit, sir.

Take him out, sir. Sir, we're going to have to check your dead brother. Well, his guy, he put his legs were blown off from an IED, so he fits. That was a torso, sir. Sir, you're going to have to check the corpse of your dead brother. Please take your cadaver off the plane. I'm sorry, but he was boarding Group 7, and there was still room for dead Iraqi veterans at that point, sir.

Sir, do not take your phone out and film me. I had a thought the other day about being in Afghanistan or Iraq. Sure. Iraq. What do you want, NPR? Iraq. Iraq. Iraq.

In Afghanistan today. In Afghanistan, four children were raped to death by the US military. In Afghanistan today. In Afghanistan today, 85 female soldiers were raped. And there was no prosecution whatsoever. Which apparently happens every day. Yeah, it's all the time. In Iraq.

Yeah, but they're also like pedophiles and stuff too, probably. I don't know. But so are we, probably. It's probably a big pedophile off where they put all the kids in. I imagine it's like Red Rover where they put our what's the no, it's like dodgeball. You know, at the beginning of dodgeball, they line up all the balls in the middle of the

court and everyone starts on one end. Yeah. They put all the kids in the middle and then the Taliban's on one side and then the soldiers are on the other. And then they run towards the middle to grab as many uh kids the fuck as they can yeah yeah yeah that's what i imagine is going on yeah no and there's like a referee nata there's a guy with a nato helmet and a whistle but uh that's definitely happening at guantanamo for sure oh yeah yeah but i thought i kind of would love to get blown up in afghanistan as like a soldier but like in a really

cool badass way where i'm like hancock remember that hancock where he jumps really high like i'd love to be like running like oh shit there's a uh chris kyle guy with a diaper on his head i'm like oh shit fuck and i'm like running and then someone just goes someone just goes what do they say? they go what do they say? come on give it to me what are you talking about? I'm talking about in Afghanistan what do they say?

he goes and I'm like oh shit and it blows up behind me and I jump really high like in Hancock and I go whoa and I have like, oh shit! And it blows up behind me and I jump really high like in Hancock. And I go, whoa! And I have dreams like that where I'm jumping really high and I'm like, fuck!

And then I fall and I wake up before I splatter on the street. Can I tell you, if you died in war, I think we've actually, we've actually somehow, you fucking. I'm the only podcaster that does huge act outs by the way it's insane I know it's like

my own stage I know like podcasting with Sebastian Maniscalco over here oh god it's like podcasting with a golden retriever I'm like running all over the place you're like a show dog and it's funny because we I do not move one time

i literally look like i'm like like i'm at the end of a therapy session the entire podcast yeah you're like tony soprano and uh, Ben? Tony Soprano in the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. No, I know this sounds weird. We've talked about this before. If you died in war. Look at him. He's so fucking retarded. I know.

It's so hot in here, too. I know. It's so ridiculous in here. We got to start turning the air conditioning on next week. It's hot as hell in here. We've talked about this. You would be the guy on the radio who the main guy is in. They're in battle. And the main guy is like, we need to get back to the ships.

And then you pick up the phone. And then you just disappear. Because you just turn into evaporated blood. No, I'm the yelling on phone guy. I'm like, god damn it. We got to get in there. And I turn and I guy, I'm the yelling on phone guy. I'm like, God damn it, we gotta get in there. And I turn and I go,

get your fucking ass out there and boom! I'm just gone. Yeah, you turn into mist and two nubs with boots in them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I'm Tom Sizemore, basically. Yeah, yeah. I'm the guy where I'm constantly trying to put my guts back in the whole time. That's how I die. And you go,

fuck, shit, man. Yeah, we've done. And you go, fuck, shit, Ben. We've done that. I go, it won't go in. I go, it won't go in. Everyone's like, Jesus, will that guy fucking die already? And Ben's the guy that's running through a town in southern France as bombs are exploding. He's like, I just got the wind knocked out of me.

I'm OK. And he's looking at a guy screaming on the phone. He goes, retard. And then you fall to your knees and die in front of him. Devin would be the guy who parachutes in and then just runs to another country

and just fucks a farm girl in a barn. I'm the guy that hops on a canoe to fucking Italy and I just drink espressos and pretend that I was not a part of anything at all. Just with a fake accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, my mom. You just have a big fake mustache. She goes,

you're a titties. I would like to see them, please. I just go, booty, booty, booty. Booty, give me the tiniest little cup of coffee you have. How do I get back to America? I'm Italian. Oh, hey, Mambo. Oh, Mambo Italiano.

I hid out in a barn for 17 months. Where did the Godfather, where was the lady that he fucked in Italy? Please, where is the big titty monsters? Where was the lady that he fucked in Italy? Please, where is the big titty monsters? Do they all act like mobsters in Italy, but they have just shitty, weird Super Mario accents? They're mobsters for pussy. Yeah.

They're just on the street screaming, like, please, let me fuck you. Please, I'm genetically too horny to live. Fucking please. Fucking please. They're literally on their knees screaming too horny to live. Fucking please. Fucking please. They're literally on their knees, like, screaming, like, come on. Come on. Come on, Benjamin.

We all got horny, uncircumcised cocks. Bella. Bella, bellissimo. Bellissimo. If I don't fuck your big titties. They're just jacking off, literally, like, outside of the fucking Roman, like, the Colosseum. Please, mama mia. Mama mia, I'm a cow.

You have to milk a human cow. They're kneading their dick like it's pizza dough. Yeah, like it's pizza dough. Throwing flour on it. Because it's just too full of cum and foreskin juice. I always get jealous of that foreskin juice. Me too. I wish I had a foreskin, dude.

What's foreskin juice? Apparently, it gets wet in there and you can makes women come better yeah if you if we weren't circumcised we have a big nazi helmet dick yeah and if we didn't we'd have that skin over it secretes oil it's it does its own stuff it's it's like a wick it's how it's supposed to be i don't know it's biblical it might just get sweaty i don't i have no idea it's like those lamps lamps from the Bible. The reason our parents all chop them off is because they're told it's dirty and there's more whatever.

If you don't clean it, it can get cheesy. Yeah, it can get gross. Is that where cheese dick comes from? Yeah, I think so. That's where it comes from. Is it ferments? My cock makes feta. Apparently, I think it's like a like the inside

of a pussy like it's supposed to be that way it makes women come way harder and they like it more but you also i've heard i heard you can jerk off with your own skin and you can yeah because the skin is just like a i don't know what are those torpedoes you used to throw into the pool yeah there was like a thing over yeah don't have those on the internet yeah kids are getting the torpedoes fucking you know in real life stapled to their fucking pussy right well it's like it's like we're born with a pocket

pussy on our dick yeah and then our parents make us cut our parents cut off our flesh so you can use it to jack off yeah because your dick is born in a pussy and it cuts the pussy it like slides up and down it slides up and down and apparently lubricant in it and it's got stuff in it like apparently it it helped it like is better when it goes into a pussy it makes women come way harder yeah yeah i think i was reading the nag hamadi yesterday and it said in the gospel of philip that circumcision is good

because it teaches us uh to uh rid ourselves flesh. What'd you read that in? The Nag Hammadi. What is that, some Indian shit? Yeah, it's Indian plays down the street. What did it say, your dick should also shit in a fucking bucket? No, it's about, it's Gnostic. You wouldn't get it. It's like an early

sect of Christianity. They were genocided. They're very romantic people. Indian men. Very romantic. We cut it off to fucking look better. It's vanity. It is the ultimately right decision, but I wish I still had it. It does look weird, for sure. It looks weird. There was guys on our basketball team who were uncircumcised

and everybody made fun of them. If you have a circumcised dick, it looks more clean cut. Like, your dick looks like it should have a bow tie on and be like, you know, like a best, like a groom at the wedding or something. Your dick looks like you should have a bow tie on and be like, you know, like a like a best, like a groom at the wedding or something. Your dick looks like a dapper dad. Yeah. Your dick looks like it goes, hello, my baby.

Hello, my good time gal. It just looks all done up, you know? Sure. And the other dicks, it looks like those like stoners that wear like fucking like the llama jackets. Llama jackets. Yeah. Yeah.

But you make them come better. But we look better our dicks look way better right you always fucking remember that you don't ever bring up indian bullshit not indian nagamati yeah they're not i think it's translated from like coptic and uh like greek and shit so i don't think it's the books of the let me translate once again um it's the it's the gnostic text there's no translation nobody. Nobody knows what Gnostic means. Gnostic, yeah, what is that, Ian? It's the books of the Bible.

Hey, you're the retard that grew up on the worst book ever. These texts I wasn't taught. I'm just getting into them and it's making me realize that Christianity was the matrix the whole time and the demiurge is like, I feel like I'm taking the red pill, dude, for the first time.

Imagine if I was always quoting The Secret. No, it's different from The Secret. It's totally different because it says that the world's fake and it was made by archons. And God was actually the snake in the Garden of Eden and wanted you to have knowledge to escape. It was a Good graphic novel. Sounds like some Zack Snyder shit. I'm sure he would do wonders with it. But no, this is inverted. No, no, don't you act like I'm some

Ari Aster asshole, Devin. What is Ari Aster doing? Well, he's just doing a lot of bullshit with Bo's Afraid. You didn't see Bo's Afraid. Not yet. Is it biblical? Ah, no, but it is. It's kind of like he's lifting a lot of stuff from Carl Young's memoir, like literally directly from certain dreams he's had.

And the whole thing feels like this weird fucked up dream you lived through. And it's fun, but like a lot of it isn't. It feels like butt chugging Portnoy's Complaint. It's like, have you heard of Jewish people? Well, here's the movie. Right, okay. That's Bo's Afraid. Yeah,. It's like, have you heard of Jewish people? Here's the movie. Right, okay. That's Bo's Afraid. Yeah, and people are like, I didn't really like it.

I don't think you're really supposed to. I think it's supposed to be like, oh, that was a weird fucked up dream I had about guilt. And everything's like a perfect symbol for... So the movie's very absurd? It's fucking insane. The movie's insane. Yeah, I'd watch it again. I thought it was fun.

It's Jewish Schenectady, New York. I enjoyed it. I'll never watch it again. I thought it was fun. It's Jewish Schenectady, New York. I enjoyed it. I'll never watch it again. It's one of those. It's one of those. I'd see it again. All right. I gotta see it.

I gotta see it soon. This is what I'm talking about. It's the Nag Hammadi and 45 minutes ago, we're talking about Freddy Got Fingers. It's the two... That is.

The wise return. You're a human grandfather. You're the wise return. Yeah. a human grandfather you're the wise return yeah go on a rant real quick come on get our numbers up i'm kind of like each week we all draw a lot go on a crazy rant you know what i am i'm i'm like those uh those shepherds from the bible's times you know with like uh like a big long beard and a long cloak and a staff, but then I'm just wearing a little propeller hat. Yeah.

Your yarmulke has a spinner on it. Propeller hat. You're like a Hasidic Jew, but you take the big wheel off, and then you ride it down the street. You run on top of it. I'm just like, what's... Nothing. I thought you took a moment of like, I don't know. It's okay, Ben. Nothing. I thought you took like a moment of like,

I don't know, you're doing that thing. No, it's just the, I grew the mustache because I wanted this to play the doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we were thinking of doing that sketch and writing it. And I wanted it to be like, really look creepy. It looked so creepy in the video. You're a great actor, by the way.

Thank you, Devin. You're really great. You guys are both great actors. Thank you, Jace. Thank you, Jace. Big sigh. Contributed a lot of the writing. Gave notes during the filming. You're a great writer. Oh, thanks, guys. Jace, you're funny. I'm starting to realize. Thanks, guys. I realize thanks guys I appreciate that

I appreciate that I can't I can't wait to do our next one we don't know what we're gonna do next but we have two I think really good ideas

yeah we have a lot we actually have a lot of ideas we've written that are just kind of like which one do we I like to make stuff

on a back burner just let it kind of simmer yeah like a stew yeah we have a lot of like we'll text each other like what about inward lawyer and we're like what do you mean it's like i'm not going to explain it i wrote like a whole fucking idea where i where you keep saying i'm i do like

the best denzel impression we're hanging out with like our black friends and you go come on do your denzel and all the black is like all right okay i guess this guy's good at Denzel and I just do like I go up there and I'm just like motherfucker shit I just keep doing it like really racist but it keeps devolving we're like do Morgan Freeman you're like shit I'm Morgan Freeman I'm Morgan Freeman bitch

I'm gonna throw fucking dice motherfucker you bet he's laughing his ass off and the black dude's like the fuck was that you're going like it's Friday And you bet he's laughing his ass off and the black dude's like, the fuck was that? You're going like, it's Friday. We ain't got shit to do. We gonna get high.

And I'm like, Denzel, right? Guys, Alexander Dumas. Guys, come on. I'm doing Denzel here. Yeah, but then it was like the same thing as we wrote that breast doctor sketch and we're like, shit, we have to talk to a woman about doing this.

We messaged like 85 women. We're like, hey, you have big tits, right? By the way, shout out to Harper. What a champ. I can't believe she showed up. My favorite comment was like Harper told her friend she was driving to a shoot that day. That made me laugh so hard. The top comment on YouTube was like,

I feel so bad for that woman. For that lady. Oh yeah, and if you haven't seen it, it's on my Twitter or the YouTube. Yeah. A sketch we did. What is this fat retard doing? Patreon.com slash Lemon Party.

Is this the regular or the Patreon? I guess we don't know. We did try to kill James Corden like 45 times. I like this one as the regular though. This one one was fine whatever you want to do ben you were about to put out my my my trans rant publicly last night and then the hand and then thank god nbc universal struck us down with a copyright right i know you texted us like i think it got a strike and we're like oh Well, I guess it's the Patreon. I was like, oh, that sucks. Well, Ben, why don't you just give it a rest?

Why don't you just control out the lead? Just let it be, you know, Ben. It's fine on the page. Give it to the clubhouse. It's for the subscribers, you know? Goddamn NBC. Hey, man, I've been dealing with that. Doing hate watch.

Like, I actually pull the videos up. I didn't think we'd ever get caught for just your fucking TV on in the background. I feel like I've seen a bunch of videos on YouTube. No, it said it was audio visual. It was the audio. Got the audio, yeah. Well, NBC is just insane because they know if they didn't copyright people watching SNL clips, all of YouTube would just be a farm full of people making documentaries about

how unfunny SNL is. People would be burning down 30 Rockefeller Center. Yeah. If they let people comment on, what the fuck? Are these people making Big Macs? Dude, this is at McDonald's. That's so delicious looking. It just kicks ass.

That looks so good. Oh my God, that looks so fucking good. Dude, there's something about, you see that slimy burger patty? I just want to eat them without anything. I love that. That burger. Just take them right off the grill. It's just covered in pool water.

I know. And if you eat it by itself, it tastes like a cigarette. Like an ashtray. I love that. That burger Just take them right off the grill. Just covered in pool water. I know. And if you eat it by itself, it tastes like a cigarette. Like an ashtray. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like putting a Zinn in. It's like nicotine burger. Like it tastes so bad it's like cold somehow. I gotta say everything looks fresh.

This looks like a great McDonald's. This is obviously a McDonald's in like a really nice neighborhood. Yeah, this is not your... You think so? I mean, yeah, kind of. I do. This is too... Look at how clean this McDonald's is.

These people aren't getting fought by the customers. Yeah. This is like a local mom and pop McDonald's. No, McDonald's in bad neighborhoods, it's literally just drug fronts and shit. It's a cage fighting, man, every night. Dana White is at the local Papa's. They give the employees hammers and they go, good luck. See, why was Ted Kaczynski so mad about this world?

Yeah, true. I don't know. What a cuck. He didn't know you could get a fucking fish folet. Yeah, well, at least we gave we gave him his props on the public episode that's true we did well this might be the public you never know you never know it's up to you you run it all look at those well don't act like i'm some sort of like steven crowder i'm not acting like you're fucking you know you only have one

car you won't let me go to the store. By the way, that would be funny if I became a guy where you guys were all scared of me and you're just laughing at me constantly on the show. Like, oh, Ben, you are a genius. We're laughing at you when Tony realizes his friends aren't really his friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All fake laughing and be like, ah!

Ah, fuck. There was a moment where you were playing the Crowder video and the Carpool Karaoke at the sameder video and the carpool karaoke at the same and i looked at both at the same time i was like i don't know what i hate anymore i was like what do i direct my anger who is he with right now who's that that's nikki minaj right oh that's some other black lady that's famous that's eve who is that is that eve that's not eve uh it's nikki minaj thank you that's not Eve. No, that's Nicki Minaj. Thank you. That's not Nicki Minaj. Devin, they change races all the time. It says

Nicki Minaj right there. Go to the video. It says Nicki Minaj. What the fuck? It doesn't look anything like her. They go from Japanese to Mexican to Chinese to black all the time. Oh, shit. She looks like way chubbier. She looks like a bird. Looks like I'm the only non-racist member of the podcast. Sorry, folks.

Who's up next? She just got a lot of work done. Yeah, I thought that was Pam Greer. Is that Jackie Brown? What the hell? I thought Jackie Brown was a real person. I thought that was black coffee. All the retards that watch this just should be... I would love to see this car crunched

like a soda can. There's Billy Porter. Billy Porter, CIA asset. Billy Porter. Who's that? Idina Menzel? That's the lady that John Travolta fucked her name up, right? Yeah, so now she's famous. If I see any black Range Rovers, I'm just going to blow it up.

Out of assumption. Yeah, just thinking it's James Corden full of celebrities. By the way, do you notice they're like, yeah, we can't make the black guy sit in the backseat. We got to give him the front. James Corden looks like his own butler. He's so racist, he's his own butler. Billy Porter's just thinking about what xenomorph he can dress as at the next red carpet. Every red carpet, James Porter just dresses like fucking, or Billy Porter, like fucking

just a meat suit, like Lady Gaga. Yeah, yeah. It's always wearing, he's always wearing like a skyscraper. I'm dressed as the Freedom Tower. It's funny how stupid as shit celebrities are. They'll do anything. Oh, they're worthless retards and they should all be the first to die during any sort of invasion. Yeah. I think you could

do one of these shows and have like a fucking... I love that about you, David. They really should. They should. I mean, you could just give them a treat. Yeah. Oh, you could literally do like... They could be like, okay, the Tonight Show's now doing like guillotine karaoke and they just put their head in the machine and get it sliced off.

Yeah, they're like, the ratings are up. Look, they all are happy about just pretending to be friends. What do you guys think came first? The cunt or the Range Rover? A real chicken or the egg. A real chicken or the egg, huh?

The Filipino lady or the nurse? Yeah, which came first? Elderly abuse or Jamaican nurses? I mean, look at this. Wearing a reindeer nose. God, and he's dancing with... Who is this? The Beatles?

They're like... Yeah, it's the new... It's Ringo. That's the new... The bluegrass guy who lives in Brooklyn. I feel like if you take that guy's hat off, it's exposed brain. Why don't I fucking know who anyone is?

I don't know. I don't know who these guys are. It pisses me off. I don't know who anyone is anymore. These guys look like boyfriends in the show Girls. They look like they date Hannah. Look at these fucking breed throats. And why does everyone look like the same person now?

Everybody looks like they come out of a factory. Because here's the thing. Everyone's an individual. Like they're squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. For some reason, the longer we grew up, the older we got, everybody thinks they're being like an individual by dressing the same way that everyone else on earth dresses. Yeah, individuality became corporate.

Became being corporate. Yeah, like just like homogenous bullshit. Like wear those pants where they don't really quite go down to your ankles. They show your ankles. corporate became being corporate yeah like like just like homogenous bullshit like where where are those pants where they don't really quite go down to your ankles they show your ankles you wear ugly white socks and you wear giant fucking dress shoes and then you wear like the ugliest shirt of all time and you waste the prime of your youth being unfuckable yeah i mean that's that that is advertising it's like literally a giant billboard that says be an individual and it's being seen by 6 billion people. We don't have anywhere to go. We like made it

so now we start dressing like the 80s, 90s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 70s, 80s. We just keep going back. There's no more places to go. I'm going to start dressing like a Black Panther. You should. You should start dressing like fucking Matulu Shakur.

I'm going to start wearing like black Kangol caps should start dressing like fucking matulu shakur i'm gonna start wearing like black kangol caps yeah i'm like dressing like i would love if you started talking like fred hampton on the podcast that'd be great i think every episode how does he talk again he's just like we we have a rainbow coalition black panther yeah i'm gonna do that i'm gonna start uh buying shotguns so i can saw them off in my garage like i'm gonna turn up the heat to 130 until i start hallucinating i'm just gonna start sawing off weapons right i'll saw off pistols and hopefully you'll get murdered by the chicago police department we lost everybody that would have spoken up for stuff i mean you know like what i mean literally like a person like fred hampton the police like went into his apartment and just started shooting and then even modern day individuals that could have probably gotten more done because of their fame, like

a Tupac. You know, he just got in his own way and got killed. But like, you know, Tupac was an incredible figure and he could have like held, he could have been the main civil rights leader nowadays if he lived. Patrice, they kept feeding him ice

cream until he died. Yeah. They take everybody down. Anyway. Yeah. he lived patrice they kept fading him ice cream until he died yeah yeah they take everybody down anyway yeah i guess it maybe it's good sometimes to not end on a uplifting note no kind of like a great uh uh american let's end on a real note all your favorite people will die horrible deaths and they'll be stopped from their main cause god i hope they won't be able to finish out what they wanted and even if somebody comes up who can affect real change they'll be murdered they'll be stopped from their main cause. God, I hope. They won't be able to finish out what they wanted to start. And even if somebody comes up who can affect real change, they'll be murdered by the government. They'll be killed. Almost immediately.

I'm going to shed my flesh through pure consciousness, and then I will never die. I will ascend. It'll be like the ending of The Whale. I'll meditate for the final time, and I'll take that final step out of my meatball sandwich stupor, and I'll look up, and I'll see the face of the rarest Pepe I've ever seen and I'll shoot up through the sky to meet him.

Yeah. You do that. I'll keep watching pornography until I'm dead. And that's how I'm going to get through life. Same. I'm going to become like a spirit, like a Ram Dass. Like I have a big white beard and robes. I'm like, just watch Browsers.

Browsers is the key to... You say the key to happiness is you're not watching the right porn. You're not watching the... You're clicking on the wrong videos. I go, if you find some really good shit, you enter that flow state and... You should start doing Alan Watts voice for hours, but just talking about pornography.

Just me going, well, of course, once you find the subreddits, then you can get into the Uber specific pornography. Of course, it's a game. It's all a game where we find the exact thing we're into until we can't even come inside a woman anymore. But you never become a pay pig. You don't put a credit card down.

You can get anything for free in this world. In this world, you don't subscribe to the OnlyFans. You type the user's name into Reddit with OnlyFans next to it. And it shows you the pictures of her titties, and then you don't care about her anymore as a person. And it's just added into like a five hour compilation with weird Chinese music

playing behind me and then I drink myself to death just like Alan Watts yep yeah hell yeah I gotta pee so yeah

oh well that's the episode patreon.com slash lemon party and the clips channel is lemon party clips and I go live these guys might join me some

someday once we get monetized, which I think will be soon. I'll join you. I'll join you next week. Okay. I'm around. Yeah, I'll join you the week after that. We'll take shifts. And 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time on the Limit Party Clips channel. We go live there.

And support the Patreon and share everything and kill your dad and become gay and kill your dad and become gay and... Kill your dad, fuck your mom. Yeah,

and crossbreed dogs to make them all fucked up. Definitely. 100%. 100%. 100%. Yeah. Get guys trying to end the podcast.

100%. 100%. Yep, and that's it. Yep. If you live in an apartment building, just fire guns to your ceiling. Yeah,

what he said. What he said. That's all you have to do. That's it. That's it. Good night. I'm going to grab your hand and push it. What was that? Huh?

What? Let's get this over here. The fact that Devin so readily wants to leave I'm just going to hold him you do like a bank heist but you can just be like I could just go pee you want to say the gamer word and then I have to end it

what you want to say the gamer word if you say the gamer word then I have to end the show Ben I've done enough lately I could edit it out I could edit in the podcast right now, and it makes it look like you said the gamer word. Oh, my God.

Yeah, so even if you don't... And I think what's going to happen is he's going to go into this retroactively and edit it right there so it looks like you said the gamer word. Jace literally knows. Yeah, no one will ever hear what we're saying right now because the podcast is already over.

Are you allowed to go pee? So I think you're... i want to say another joke but colin quinn already did it on uh on opie and anthony i want to call you i want to go shut up you nincompoop yeah all right well in the podcast this is over over. The most distracting footage I've ever seen was making Big Macs. God, that is so good looking. You want to cosplay as Trump and get a Stormy Daniels pussy instead of big... Is there anything better than the fake cheese on a patty? Nothing looks more satisfying to me on Earth than that. That's somehow faker than Kraft cheeses.

Yeah. That cheese is so deliciously fake looking. I know. It's so amazing. Oh my God. Like it literally can't melt. I can't stop looking at them. That looks so fucking good.

And they put it in that beautiful little box. That gorgeous box. Imagine, imagine taking like fucking 10 hash browns right off the fucking griddle. Yep. God, the hash browns are the best shit ever. I know. I got pissed that they don't do breakfast all day anymore i know they ended that because none of us fucking appreciated it none of us went we we fucking begged for it for years and then none of us gave it gave it up yeah

as soon as covet hit they're like yeah we're not doing that shit anymore yeah we don't care thanks get your fat ass down here yeah look at Look at Ben intently watching James Corden. I hate him so much. I hate that fat retard. What is he doing? Where is he? Sound like Rodeo Drive. I hate him so much. Yeah.

God. God, God, God, God. I hate his guts. I hate, I hate, who are these retards dancing? Wait, is this the National? Oh, no. I actually like that band. Please tell me it's not them.

Carpal Carrier. Oh, they're called Take That. Take That. Who? They're doing synchronized dances? Oh, no. I actually like that band. Please tell me it's not them. Oh, they're called Take That. Who? They're doing synchronized dances? Oh, man. Yeah. I don't know. You have ended the podcast, by the way, right? We need like a Guantanamo Bay that's like, just go.

The show's over, but like, we need a Guant... We... Oh, God. We need like a Guantanamo Bay that's the size of Michigan.