lemonparty - 033: Swinger Paradise

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

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Yes, yeah. And the whale like spit them out. It's like, what the fuck? It doesn't do that. Yeah, yeah. This is, by the way, we're recording right now. This is absolute bullshit that you guys are interested in whales when the mics are off. Meanwhile, when we're trying to record, I'm trying to go off about whales. Neither of you are hearing it.

You didn't get into it when it mattered. You got to get into it in the hit. It's the hot topic of the week, Ben. Okay. We're, we're well guys now. Ben,

you're the guy that wants to talk about, you weren't talking about whales. You were talking about the whale, by the way. Ben is the only guy that wants to talk about, yeah, the whale. Exactly.

Also, I think the, I don't know if the mics are recording or they sound like really tinny. They're a little tinny. I've always heard a little, there's a, there's been a little like noise the whole time, but don't think we can hear it when when we're done but check ben's the guy here's the thing he's getting all fucking he's getting all self-righteous

right now it sounds good to me does that sound good it sounds fine to me oh maybe my maybe my headphones are just fucked okay there we go okay great great sometimes emma lays on the headphone cord and it just gets it gets bent like 90 degrees yeah emma will be like hey what's your whole livelihood let me go lay on top of that yeah that's what dogs and cats do they just go as you're typing you're like and i just finished my manuscript 400 pages and a cat just like hits control delete with one pause when we film this computer when we film the sketch kevin who's a great uh you comes over. He has this $40,000 camera. Oh, our director of photography.

Kevin comes over. Grace is hitting her ass into his camera. Like a fucking Christopher Nolan IMAX camera. It's the Peter Jackson King Kong camera. It's insane we get anything done over here. Between your dogs.

It's just the coyotesotes the dogs fucking me you your computer it's like unbelievable anything's been recorded no you come over i'm climbing a telephone pole trying to get up to a bird nest you're all constantly every night we're like we come over we're like ben's in the water tower again we're doing like a podcast in like the mad max fury road chase we're trying to podcast and a big white guy is trying to hit us with a kamikaze spear. I'm pissed off that you guys are interested in whales now that whales and shark attacks are trending. I read Moby Dick three months ago. I want to talk about it.

No one wanted to hear jack shit about Herman Melville. Because you're always trying to talk about whales in the last two minutes of game seven of the NBA finals. And now it's all over. And yeah, I'll get into whales now. Pick a better timing. Whales are attacking yachts off of Europe, so now we want to talk about it. Now there's video.

I didn't even think they existed until these videos. I went to an aquarium two days ago, so now I care about whales. Now they matter. You wait for your opportunity, and then you strive. Yes, they're important to Jason and I now, so we're going to force you to now be into them fair fair okay i'm gaining awareness as i go i'm becoming a human slowly but surely i'll be i'll be i'll be 31 years old on june 25th right uh up until three years ago i didn't know i didn't have the awareness to know like during the heat of like a

let's say a super bowl or like a game seven to not just talk about frivolous horse shit that you're interested in. And you're annoying the shit out of everybody. Ben's the guy that starts bringing up some incredibly specific info while the guy has taken the last shot of game seven. Like three seconds left. Inbounds pass. Ben's like,

Oh, by the way. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop, stop, shut up. You could be in like the middle of the North Hollywood shootout.. Ben's like, oh, by the way. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop, stop. Shut up.

You could be in the middle of the North Hollywood shootout. And Ben's like, so where are they? It was the main commerce of the Pacific Northwest in the 1850s. I'm getting shot. I'm like, but you know what was bullshit? It's the Japanese stole it from us. You're like, that's not even true. That's not true.

Also, I need to watch Nikola Jokic hit these free throws. By the way, it's so funny that Nikola Jokic. Yes. Nikola Jokic. Great basketball player. Plays for the Denver Nuggets. I don't know if you know this. He's breaking records all the time.

Looks like Simple Jack while he's doing it. He's like a fat white guy that is great. He looks like he comes off the court and then drinks glue out of a Gatorade bottle. Yeah, he looks like he hydrates with cabbage soup. No, no, no. I get it. He's a guy I killed in a Call of Duty mission. Go on. Exactly.

He's in the No Russian. He's in this level of Call of Duty. But his nickname, Ben, is the Joker. The Joker. And he plays for the Denver Nuggets, which I've always been, it's made me very uncomfortable because it's odd to me that Colorado's, the best player in Denver is nicknamed the Joker.

And the only other reason I know Colorado should be famous is there was a guy dressed as the Joker that killed a bunch of people at the Dark Knight Rising show. No one ever brings this up but I'm always weirded out when people call him the Joker. I'm like, it's a weird nickname for a guy that plays in a

city an hour away from the other town that had a famous guy dressed up like the Joker. They had another Joker and he got a triple-double that night. He had a triple double. Oh yeah. 10 deaths. 30 maimings. 60 cases

of PTSD. It would be like the best player in the Knicks was named Khalid Sheikh Muhammad. Yeah. The best player in the Knicks. Amadou Diallo. Muhammad Adda with the three pointer. There it goes. Sink. I went to Aurora, Colorado

once to... I went to... You sound like Jesse Ventura. You're like, I went to Aurora, Colorado. I shot the people with the Joker. I played the Dance Dance Revolution game that he played. I was an autistic school shooter in the Marines. I played DDR

in Colorado with Adam Lanza. He was there. Who was the guy that played... That's the Sandy Hook shooter, right? Adam Lanza. Yeah, yeah. Who was the guy that did Aurora? Aurora was... He was the Joker guy. James Holmes. Yeah, that's right. Orange Hair. Which is another weird

thing. Named after a famous porn star with a huge cock. I mean, everything's fake. Yeah, yeah. Say his name. Say his name. Say his name. James Holmes. I'm going to put his name up outside the Silver Lake Reservoir.

That's your Colin Kaepernick moment. I'm taking a knee for James Holmes. Well, now it looks like I'm a fan of two James Holmes. And twins. Right. And twins. and twins. Right. I made the trek down to Aurora, Colorado one day, one

fine spring day. And I walked into a Starbucks and I don't know if you guys have ever been, it's funny, right? Columbine High School, it's still there, right? Yeah, it's still great. If I went to Columbine High School as a high schooler, I was enrolled at Columbine High,

every day I would be thinking about what happened. Are you allowed to wear a leather jacket if you go to Columbine? Oh, no. You're not even allowed to watch the Matrix movies. Have they outlawed dusters? They haven't had any shootings there because they installed the clear backpack rule there, I'm sure. Remember the clear backpack? The clear backpack, yeah.

I do remember. Yeah, we had to do that as a kid for a while. Clear backpack. Yeah, you're like, well, I can't just bring an AK to the school now and shoot my way in. Yeah. It was a clear backpack. Yeah. It's like, well, I can't just bring an AK to the school now and shoot my way in. Yeah. This is a clear backpack. Yeah. It's like clear heels for strippers.

Yeah. Like with the little fishes in them and shit. Yeah, yeah. You're like, little do they know, I have a revolver under my top hat. You wear a top hat to school? Yeah. An Abe Lincoln stovepipe hat. Yeah, loaded with a revolver that's pointed directly at your own

brain. You go, good day! You go, good day, and you can see the muzzle of a shotgun as you tip your hat to a lady. But I was in Aurora, Colorado, and I was at the Starbucks and I'm ordering my... I always get

the featured item. I let them tell me what to order. I think you're kind of the same way as Starbucks when they have the new salted caramel bullshit thing called brew. I go, give me that. Give me the coffee with the olive oil in it. Sure. Why not?

Yeah. And man, it's, it's always, I always take a sip of it and I go, God damn it. Starbucks, you've done it again. They're amazing. And I actually text people. It's Starbucks is so good. I take a sip and I put it go, God damn it, Starbucks, you've done it again. They're amazing. And I actually text people. Starbucks is so good. I take a sip and I put it down and I start texting people on my phone.

I go, you got to try the new salted whip. Yeah, well, you're doing CIA intelligence reporting. You're like, run it up the chain. Let them know. Let them know the Cool Whip Doritos Latte is great. But as I'm in the Aurora Starbucks, I'm like looking around, I'm like,

do these fucking people not know this is the home of the Joker shooter? No, I know. They're walking around completely oblivious. Willy nilly. I know. This is the home of the guy

who dressed up like the Joker. Well, that's what I'm saying. Who started the Joker movement. There's a lack of awareness in that fucking state, okay? They named their best player the Joker. They have no respect for the dead. I'm like's what I'm saying. Who started the Joker movement? There's a lack of awareness in that fucking state. Okay? They named their best player the Joker. They have no respect for the dead. I'm like, what are you people?

Fucking high? Mm-hmm. They're mild. They're fucking high. What are you, chunked up on pot? Yeah, they're fucking ordering 30-shot espressos. That is, by the way, this is the Starbucks where I first noticed this. People go to Starbucks, they're not drinking coffee.

They're getting milkshakes. I had no idea. I hadn't been inside of a Starbucks in years. How do you think I got fat, Ben? I thought I was drinking coffee for 15 years. They're giving Ready Whip right over the counter. I was ordering milkshakes with a splash of coffee. I had no fucking idea.

You thought you were being like Willie Loman. I thought I was just like a member of capitalism. I like everyone has their morning cup of joe and i'm like oh it's a milkshake i guess i guess everyone drinks a milkshake they're more like like twix bars and shit yeah shaving chocolate over the top chocolate chip frappuccino which in other words is coffee yeah that's what i thought you go well another day of work and then you just walk around with a bowl of coffee ice cream. You think it's healthy even though they have a chocolate bar they've unfolded and they're putting it over a cheese grater.

Yeah. On top of your coffee like this with all of this coffee. Yeah, they're shaving a Twix bar into your drink. And you go, that's the only, you know, it's caffeine. It's all the caffeine. They're biting the ends off of a Twizzler to put in as a straw. And you go, that's a morning guppadoo you think you're one of the guys on the

steel beam like building like yeah the great towers of Manhattan exactly and instead I'm like I need focus to go through xn xx you know you thumbnails you bring a Stanley thermos like a like a one and you're like fill her up

tons of ready yeah Like a one-pail thermos. And you're like, fill her up. Tons of ready whip. Yeah, nitrous. But I looked around that Starbucks, and this is when I first realized it, because the only people that were in there were small Mexican children, and their bodies are in the shapes of morning doves. Yeah, Mexican children who can coo. Yeah. their bodies are in the shapes of mourning doves. Like fat little doves.

Mexican children who can coo. Yeah. And that's just them asking for more. They're rolling the arms. I didn't know you could oo with a rolling arm. What do you want, Javier? You want more? Right.

Their mom to call them back to the car has to go... It was just a fat Mexican guy with his jacket. Just waddling, like flapping. He's fly fishing in the gutter he's got boots on but I looked around and they all had

I was like what the fuck they're small Mexican Latina ladies that's redundant George W. Bush Latina ladies these black dark people and they had these crazy

like pink drinks yeah they're all what is color they're crazy now I was like what on earth you go to Starbucks there's a guy drinking the Hulk I was like this is insane

I've never seen anything that color the refreshers are insane yeah it's like a strawberry's piss in a jar the refresher it's like we started out with unsweetened iced tea and then we wound up with a fucking smoothie full of you know strawberries what we did was we took the juice out of a hummingbird feeder and we put it in a drink i'm pretty sure they just microwave starbursts yeah they might and just pour in a big cup it's just the watering hole for the middle class that's all it is it's just a it's every every animal in the serengeti right walking to start well i love they'll put

the calorie counter on the menu now because it'll be like you can get uh a roast. That's five calories. You can get the fagguccino. That's 950 calories. We're so used. Everyone, if you buy coffee from corporations, everyone thinks it's coffee is just sweet all the time. You don't even know coffee is just black water, basically. Yeah, it's bitter. No one really knows that.

If you go to these places. They don't know it's bitter. No one really knows that. Yeah. If you go to these places, you know, like... They don't know it's hot. They don't know. Have you ever gone... I used to get iced coffees at McDonald's all the time. And I didn't...

For a long time, I was like, yeah, this is just an iced coffee. It always comes with like mostly cream. And it's sweet as shit. And that's a great... That's a coffee.

I did that forever. And then I realized, oh man, this is bad. Like that's i i got i so i started going to mcdonald's and i would ask for i go unsweetened iced coffee and it's they don't know what you're asking for they don't even know coffee's black they think all coffee is cream right dude if you're, so you want the water we use to make it? They like don't now. They have no clue. If you go to McDonald's

and you ask for an iced coffee unsweetened, you're shaking a bee's nest. Everyone flips out. You can hear like a cook like just blowing his head off. Like no one knows what's going on. After 45 minutes, they'll give you water with beans dropped in it.

And they just go, just leave. Get out. Just get the hell out. Get the hell out of here, man. You're gonna get me fired you ruined my fucking life you ruined my fucking life you ask for an unsweetened iced coffee

they give you a shamrock shake they no one knows what's going on there or I mean a Dunkin Donuts if you ever get that oh that's like

that's like eating a bowl of overnight oats they'll go bankrupt you say no sugar they just go we're gonna they put a they put a for sale sign

on the door at Dunkin they go what if sale sign on the door at Duncan. They go, what? If you ask for any substitution, Duncan knows you go. A big alarm goes off. Alarm goes off. Corporate comes in. Yeah, the sprinkler goes off.

Like, you're just like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to really disrupt the, you know, you guys as a business. I've got in the Duncan with no cream or sugar. It feels like you took the burnt shit off of a pan and then just ate it like a potato chip. Yeah, it sucks dick. Once you get past that layer of cream, that layer of jizz they put on top of their cold brews, it really sucks ass.

Because you realize if you get your coffee at Starbucks and you don't get anything in it, you're just tasting pure acrylamide, that cancer shit that's in coffee. Just metal containers. Oh, no no that sounds bad well I don't know if you've ever been like every one of these corporations Ben you gotta get hip to this

it's like you know Cheesecake Factory, Starbucks like there's all signs out front that say like just so you know every drink in here is full of cancer they should just put a big poster of Ted Kaczynski on the outside of every corporation and they'd be like by the way he was right he was right.

They should. He was right. He was right. He was gay. He was right. We're all killing you. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I mean, it's like, if you get a dark coffee from Starbucks, it tastes like you're drinking a wildfire. Wow. It's burned. It just is. It's horrible. It's like 9-11 ash. Yeah. In water. Yep water yep damn i didn't

know that i thought the starbucks was so good because the the beans no like the way they roast the beans i mean i love i i ordered the black coffee and i love that like do you want this blend i'm like does it fucking matter yeah what blend what blend they just was this from columbia what are you talking it's all complete bullshit yeah Yeah. They just name it after an African country. You just get it. You get coffee grounds from an office and then just pour it into another coffee maker and make your coffee. It's Folgers.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and then French roasts. The French roast always has the most caffeine because they just want to be alert. You always want to get a light blend. The blondes. The blondes have more caffeine. The blondes have more more caffeine it's opposite of what you think ben it literally i can tell you i can tell you're a rube yeah

literally as usual you're just figuring coffee no this is bullshit no i i figured i learned i learned this three years ago and it ruined my life because i was like i was like i like it black i like it dark because i like my caffeine and And they're like, that's actually no caffeine. What? Yeah, exactly. You know, you got to get the light. You got to get a blonde. The blonde is the most caffeine.

Where's my fucking phone? Yeah, pull your phone out. Retards. What are you going to look it up? We're right. I'm about to do the Aurora shooting. Yeah, we are. Inside this house.

Ben, you have to like come to grips with the fact you've been wrong about most things. That's not true. come to grips with the fact you've been wrong about most things. That's not true. I was right about... I was right about... What were you right about? Alright. It was 9-11.

He did predict 9-11. You were talking crazy before that. You were 8, but that was weird that you knew so much. Yeah, Ben was eight. He's like the Gulf of Tonkin. There's these classified documents. General MacArthur proposed this 50 years ago. JFK said no.

I'm about to prove both of you wrong right now, and you're finally going to admit that you gaslight me constantly on the show, and then next week you'll forget all about it and old Ben will be the one that's wrong every time. Yeah, it's called gaslighting. Yeah, exactly. Dipshit. Some coffee

drinkers think dark roasts are stronger and have more caffeine kick than light roasts. The truth, however, is that coffee and content remains pretty much in the same, pretty much the same during each stage of the roasting process. So, hey, forfeit. All right, listen, I don't know what you just read.

And if this was there was money on this, I wouldn't shake. But all right, you got it. You got it right there. Just for the point of moving the podcast along. Just so we can get to the next topic. I actually physically hate that I'm doing that. Actually physically hate that I'm doing that. Actually physically hate that I'm doing that. No one ever touched us as kids.

And now we hate when people hug us, shake our hands, touch us in any way. It is odd that like, if you guys weren't hugged by your parents, you actually hope you kind of wish there was a pedophile in town that gave you the love you never got. Just nuzzled our cheek a little bit.

Those weird Romanian orphans who like just grew up in cribs and they all became sociopaths yeah why when someone like hugs me why do i like i fucking like jump like it's like i'm being like electrocuted like someone shocked me you're fine you're fine that's you as as my therapist you're fine no i'm because i'm a big right but dude that's spooky right well that's spooky. That's my favorite. I do go to too much therapy. That therapy's gay. If somebody touches me, I start shaking like a battery. That is hilarious.

You're fine. I'm a very touchy guy and I've always tried to bring you guys into my grasp. I always say every time I leave people I love, I want to hug them and tell them I love them when I leave. You guys have been the two last people in my life where every time I leave people I love, I want to hug them and tell them I love them when I leave. You guys have been the two last people in my life where every time I do it,

there's a weird sense of, I feel like you guys are going to shank me. I kind of hug you like you're diseased. Every time we leave, we have the greatest night ever. We have in-depth conversations about the world, ourselves, everything we've been through. Then I'll hug you and you'll be like,

okay, buddy. You turn into this weird bicentennial man every time. You go, all right, okay. We're going to freak out and sucker punch you. Yeah. Whoa, I'm not gay. Right. Whoa.

Well, you should see when we have to hug each other, it feels like pushing two coat racks together and just grinding them against each other. I've only hugged Jace like three times. You guys are like everybody loves Raymond characters. Which one's Brad Garrett? Which one's Ray Romano? Brad Garrett and Ray Romano, it's the same thing.

Wait, fuck. Am I Andy Kindler? Fuck you if you're going to say I'm Andy Kindler. He wasn't retarded yet when he made that. Or was he King of Queens? Andy Kindler was in Everybody Loves Raymond. But he wasn't as retarded. patten oswald and king of queens patten oswald's king of queens okay it's a common mix-up yeah interesting because patten oswald

used the money when he was on king of queens from that sprite commercial to make the comedians a comedy documentary right yeah and then the money he made from that he used to buy poison to kill his wife. Just making sure everything tracks you. Kidding, guys. Kidding. Obviously he did it with the Ratatouille money. That's what I was saying. It's Ratatouille cooking a poison to kill his wife. Yeah.

The chef having his arms controlled being like, I don't know, this arsenic shouldn't go in soup. And the rat's like, shut up! I got a new wife with big cans lined up. He's just trying to buy a carcass tit implants. Oh, I feel bad about that.

Hey, everyone on the internet's vicious to everyone and everybody gets it. That's the name of the future. I hope that's not true. Actually, yeah, who fucking knows dude i don't at this point i don't know i don't know up from down matt rife for all i know could be the next eddie murphy i love matt rife he's my favorite black guy my favorite black i don't know anything about comedy anymore i love matt rife i think matt rife's getting a lot of hate for being a a terrible terrible comic he gets no people hating his comedy he getting a lot of hate for being a terrible, terrible comic.

And for people hating his comedy. He gets a lot of hate for acting black and for being handsome. But it doesn't take away from his writing ability. That's very true. And no one ever brings that up. You can't throw out the artist in the art. At the end of the day, it's like no one's doing the work he does. He does a lot of sets.

I said in the car that Matt Reif is the Elvis of bad black stand-up. He's like if Elvis had no vocal, he couldn't sing or dance. Yeah. The Matt Reif stuff's hilarious because he

was the worst comic of all time that we had ever seen 10 years ago. But he's perfected. He's hacked him. I don't know. The Matt Rife stuff's hilarious because he was the worst comic of all time that we had ever seen. For years. 10 years ago. But he's perfected. He's hacked him. He's much better than he used to be. He's really good.

You think he's bad now. It's also funny that these guys are like, Matt Rife's like, I saw some tweet where he's like, everyone hating me. It's like they always put out a tweet where they're like, man, I've been an embarrassment for 15 years

and now y'all want to rain on my parade? Right. Just because my terrible art is now more public. Just because my embarrassment is public now, y'all want to hate me? Yeah, it's a natural consequence to the song. Just because y'all don't have healthcare and I have a cruise ship. Y'all out

here just hating. Right. Y'all just hating on somebody that stink. Just because i've been just because i've been he's like you weren't hating me when i was using the bonics as a white man in 2005 you weren't hanging on mc man right right right hurt people hurt people here's the thing i've heard he's a really nice guy which is what everyone will say in comedy about somebody that stinks. If you suck ass at comedy, all people say is he's really nice.

Yeah, no one's nice in comedy. How about that? How about no one's nice? That is true. How about no one's nice anywhere? Behind, like when it comes down to it, they're not. That's what I mean, when it comes down to it. But they'll always say like-

They're like Walmart greeter nice. Like, hi, how's it going? Exactly, yeah. Great. really... Hi, how's it going? Exactly. Great. Yeah. Yeah, how's... I heard you moved to Manhattan Beach. That's crazy.

Yeah. You could do the comedy magic club a lot now that you moved down there. That's not nice. Here's the thing. Is it weird to think that every comedian besides Shane Gillis should be shot in the head? And Louis, I guess.

Yeah, maybe some others. Maybe like three others. I'll put McCusker in that too. I'm talking about the guys that we're forced to... By the way, I did not put Ian Finance in that. He's out. He gets shot in the head too. Ian should be attacked by your dogs and maimed.

Ian, like, it's actually amazing. Ian is the only person who'd have a feud with a dog. Yes. He's the only person. Gracie's tweeting about Ian going viral. He is constantly setting himself up to be fucked with by the internet, Ian. Every day I jump on Twitter, Ian's being destroyed by the internet.

I see Ian's trending again. I go, what happened? I click on it. It's like Ian stepped in quicksand outside the comedy center. It's like Ian denied the Rwandan genocide happened. Now he's getting attacked by fucking guys from Africa. But then his whole other angle is like his sexual preferences and stuff. He's bi, he's straight.

It's like, who knows? I think Ian's kink is getting fucked by the internet. Yep. The internet puts on a big strap on him. He loves when he gets anally raped by the internet. I think he does it on purpose. I think he jacks off to getting canceled. Yeah.

I love Ian. Yeah, we love Ian. If you see this clip. Totally kidding. If you see this clip, hopefully this part's included in it. If you see this clip, yeah we love you if you see this clip if you see this clip hopefully this part's included in it if you see this clip like yeah i hope you are watching this clip it's a it's a funny clip you're a comic right also if you zoomed inside inside it would be the gif of sideshow bob just stepping into the ranks over and over again speaking of bi and and uh trans and and just uh sexually sexually liberated open people.

Yeah. Because at this point in the show we've already talked about we've talked about the mass shooters. We've talked about the people. We've done it all. We've done it all.

Where else do we have to turn? What will Ben pull out of his magic hat? Oh, I know you got seven more years of content. Seven more years. You better be prepared. What do you think?

You think James and I are getting jobs anytime soon you better have some topics the minute i can the minute i have to get a job again i'm just going to kill myself that's the great thing about the world though is that it provides content that's true like we don't actually have to worry about talking about the same things as because shit will happen and we'll just have to talk about it and make uh jokes. That's true. You know? I think... Oh, fuck. Yeah, here it is. What is this?

So this is someone... His name was... It's like cat rant shit? This was... Are these swingers? Yeah, dude. These are... This is a swingers nightclub.

And I didn't realize that swingers have, like, social media presence and stuff. And they love to, you know, give people tips. And they also... they're like uh there's swingers club travel agents where they set up weird places that used to be like tyson chicken farms and stuff and now they have different rooms and all the stalls where they used to torture the animals and now you can go in there and just you know do just illegal stuff they make fuck shacks yeah they make fuck shacks and then they host it and they're like it's six hundred dollars all you can eat uh there's buffets right

i i there's something weird i've noticed all swingers are like 45 year old golf guys who've gotten so much sunburn it's like it's blown their brains out you know for sure they're like they're right they're like lizard car salesmen where they just they have goatees and they're bald and they have like a little bit of a belly and they go brother i've been there and they go you want to fuck my wife yeah swingers are just they're satanists that can't commit so i'm trying to find the exact one that they uh that they sent me that was amazing exact one that they uh that they sent me that was amazing it is them giving a tour of a fuck shack every swinger looks like rob ryan you know from the nfl yeah rex ryan's brother yeah you're right they all look like that and they look like they just like they black out at pools in cancun and

then just get just the just baked into like an earth's core around their body. Yeah. They all look like they just got fucked out of a deal to be like a co-owner of a Margaritaville. Yeah, exactly. And they go, there's two things I love in this world. The little magnet bracelet that helps my arthritis and black

guys fucking my wife. Those are the two things, brother. That's what keeps me going brother two things and my live strong bracelet they still don't know live strong's like a scam yeah it's guys with the with the magnetic golf bracelet drinking like a bloody mary well the black guy just fucks their wife and they're going man he's telling stories he doesn't like black guys like railing his wife he's like we saw buffett in 82 and that year he was on fire that year there's something you can't when he went through that third divorce buffett really kicked it into another gear oh fucking um play with your nipples

a little bit that'll make her come faster you know i got i need an associate at my at my car salesman lot i sell tacomas i think you'd be great tyrese for the lot oh dude i think it was called the corral dude i think it was called the corral the pineapple club yeah it was this one was uh it was called the corral let me see they love pineapples that's the pineapples are a symbol right yeah it's an upside down pineapple. So if you walk into a house, or you walk around a grocery store, they'll walk around a grocery store

and they'll put a pineapple in their cart upside down. And that's a sign? That's a sign, approach me about fucking my wife. Oh, fuck. Hey everyone, we're Tom and Bunny, and we want to let you know that Tom'sTrips.com The women are always just horrific looking. I mean, the women always look like tumors

they always look like meat wad in a dress look at that let me get this in 1080p look at that there we go now you can see that vanilla jelly bean i mean but also look at i mean i'm completely right about the guy am i not that's exactly him they look like they do uh they're? That's exactly him. They look like they do. They look like mediums. They look like they're... You're like, what do you do for work? And they're like, I go on the golf course.

I call people cocksucker. But in a friendly way, I go, you old cocksucker. What are you doing over at Tampa? This is my wife. She's a Slimer from Ghostbusters. This is my wife, Slimer. We're like if Florida was boiled down into two people, it would be us. I don't feel bad about making fun of this because they are going to get some business out of us.

Sure. That's what I was just talking about. Yeah. If you want your wife to fuck black guys, hit up the corral with Tom and Bunny. Yeah. It's always like Bunny. Like the Bunny Ranch. The Bunny Ranch.

It's like fuck like rabbits, right? Is that the thing? I guess. I think they all saw that t-shirt of Bugs Bunny spanking Lola Bunny and they're like, that's what I want. I think that's it. These people, they look like they are the mayor of Tampa. Yeah, exactly.

We have a lot of clubs Tampa. Yeah, exactly. Last night was their fetish party. It was. It was quite interesting. It was very interesting. So they're showing off this venue. And they're saying last night was fetish night. Here's the thing that's funny about swingers. Before they

go inside, it looks like they run a megachurch. They look very religious religious and then they get inside you're like oh you guys are just like white freaks you guys are just banging people that work at the come and go because you imagine in your head like orgies and stuff like this that it's like you know eyes wide shut fidelio it's eight of these couples and they're, they're eating a crock pot of little smokies. Yeah.

And then they go and fuck the shit and they're just farting. Yeah. They smell like shit. Wait till you see the buffet. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

They have like an enchilada plate from like Chevy's. Yeah. Thanks. A little toothpicks through it. They get, they get stuffed and then their wife just gets railed out while they just fart. And like one of the guys can't fuck cause he's too sunburned what's the password corn syrup

welcome in welcome they're like if you need it we got back braces for you to fuck if you need it i mean look at that look at that poster that does not that looks like that looks like um that looks like you know colton burpo's like trying to get you into christianity yeah it looks like uh that that big church in hollywood the one the celebrities all go to uh not scientology uh no no it's like called like highland or something like that hilltop hilltop yes yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean let me look at her look at her she looks like fucking that looks like josh gad who got her hair straightened it does look like a monty python it just looks it's a ridiculous looking person it's just it's

a man with huge tits they always have awesome they always have awesome tits but yeah they everything else around oh yeah yeah rocking tits they got rocking like mom tits great awesome tits. But yeah, everything else around it. Yeah, rocking tits. They got rocking mom tits. Great rocking tits. Right, and then it's Meat Loaf's hat. They're the type of women you don't even want to fuck you. You just want them to jack you off while you suck their tits. And you go, no, I don't want to see anything down there.

I don't even want to know what's going on down there. Just let me suck these tits. Nothing comes out of them. They don't smell. And just jack me off right and they're like you could finger my pissy you're like no no no no i know if those lips separate there's a cartoon odor cloud that wafts through like a like a like a pie on a windowsill fucking dude fucking that guy, that guy,

he puts his wife's pussy on a windowsill and then there's a big cloud and then it's a black guy floating towards the windowsill like a hobo in a cartoon. Devin loves that stuff. You will never find... If we're going to fix race relations in this country, it's this guy and the black guys who fuck their wives. That's it.

I know, man. Because it's this Jimmy Buffett motherfucker be like, well, I guess we could play some Waka Flocka if you want to. Yeah. This guy like owns Buka to Peppo. Yeah. And a guy who looks like zeus from friday with a do-rag he's like the do-rag stays on while i fuck you up

oh god your goddamn pussy dude it's like it's fucking exit through the bait shop exit through the bait shop your clit's a worm her pussy's a cup of loam which one's your clit uh ma'am which one's the clit she goes well it's kind of like a whack-a-mole situation just take your best shot she hands you a bb gun yeah she goes you're gonna have to be

real aggressive with my clit it's been all chewed up chewed up and spit out again it looks like a the bottom of a wharf down at a pier got barnacles on it and shit all right let's watch some of this video you know if you fuck her too hard from behind you just pimples are just popping oh yeah boils and shit yeah she lubes with her fucking with her with her puss okay just one second okay my apology are you done okay okay okay hey everybody uh this next ad is actually a listener to lemon party named michael so we really appreciate that uh michael uh asked us to promote his podcast he does a podcast on youtube called the uh could do la la lamb podcast it's a satirical podcast where each week they review a different porn video starring a porn actress called uh la la could do i have not heard of this person apparently she does porn and gets

fucked in the porn and it's like a satirical thing where they talk about a different video every week from the porn that they do so i haven't listened to it but they seem it's like uh the kobe detail videos on espn but with like dps yeah exactly yeah that's exactly it i mean this seems like something our listeners would genuinely be of course you guys check out kudu lala oh yeah it's called k-u-d-o-u lala land podcast yeah yeah and you can find it on youtube by typing in kudu lala land yeah yeso La La Land Podcast. And she fucks people. I'm assuming.

Check them out. I don't even know, but you go find out. She's an Asian woman who looks like she's nine years old, so there's no telling what she's doing. You never know what's going on. They can't actually show that much, but yeah, she looks like a child, and go check her out every episode seems

to be about 45 minutes to four hours or so oh so they're putting out a lot of content they're putting out a lot of content new episode every week and uh their listener they love lemon party just wanted us to shout out their podcasts so this is what we're doing currently all right and let this be proof if you want to buy a podcast on Lemon Party just messages us. Yeah. Well literally we'll promote literally

anything. Literally anything. I mean you could be sending us like you know possible child porn and we'll promote it. Potentially.

Potentially we won't look into it that much and just you know cross our fingers and hope and pray it's not child porn. So just email Ben and he'll forward it to me and then i'll book it for an ad on lemon and jace how do you say this again i believe it is kudu lala okay so listen to the

kudu lala land podcast on youtube and everywhere you can find podcasts uh yeah i'm assuming it's everywhere and shout out michael who's a fan of the show. And yeah, shout out Michael. Thank you, Michael. Blink a shot. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Let's talk about sex. Guys, remember the days when you always were ready to go? Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed. Listen up.

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We are back. And the good news is I've seen this video already so I know all the juicy parts. This is a 30 minute tour of this actual, tour the corral, an actual lifestyle club in Spring Grove, Pennsylvania with Tom and Bunny. Dude, just imagine

how it feels to walk around that place. Oh, it's... The stickiness of the floors. They look like they're selling a timeshare to fuck a disgusting pussy. Well, it's kind of what a... It's a timeshare. That's what it is.

They're selling timeshares. It's a timeshare for... They're like, if you fuck my wife, we'll give you a free trip to Alcatraz. You go there to get the free golf clubs and you're like, no, I'm really... I'm just here for the free golf clubs. He's like, all right, but you can fuck my wife will give you a free trip to Alcatraz. You go there to get the free golf clubs and you're like, no, I'm really just here for the free golf clubs. He's like, alright, but you

can fuck my wife if you want. He's like, nah, just the golf clubs. They're like, alright, well, sit through the seminar about my wife's pussy. You gotta go to the seminar. You're gonna talk to Armie Hammer. He's gonna try and make you fuck my wife's pussy. They also divided this into chapters for each

room. Oh, great. and there's a lot of rooms to go through i mean imagine being like honey i did some research like you're shopping around where your wife's gonna get fucked at uh and you're looking at the fetish room you go not quite enough paddles with little balls on them you're like calling up you're like you're like okay is the black guy gonna really embarrass me about fucking like is he gonna call me a little bitch yeah like is he gonna stare at me and scream is he gonna ask my wife like if is my cock small while he fucks her because one guy one guy did that too much i asked him to stop and then he pulled a gun on me

he pulled the gun he pulled the gun he turned it sideways and that really scared me because that's not proper firearm safety i don't think they teach that on the streets i said sir you had that in your waistline with the safety off i go listen listen you could have armed yourself here's the thing i like black guys fuck my wife i'm also extremely racist. It's a really weird combination. Okay. All right, here we go.

Tonight is their dope contest, so Bunny's excited about that. Yes, dudes, I'd like to bleep. I was going to bleep after you said it, but... Yeah, no cursing on the fuck my wife video. They do. And they're open every Friday and Saturday. And in the summertime, they occasionally have Wednesday pool parties.

No, Wednesday jacuzzi parties in the wintertime. Wednesday jacuzzi parties in the wintertime. Saturday, yeah. I like how she's still an annoying wife. She's still annoying.

She's still like, honey, you got it wrong. He's like, all right, can you please stop? We're about to spit roast you. We're about to put you on a kebab skewer. And we're going to fucking send you to Compton kebab skewer and we're gonna fucking send you to

right just imagine you're driving there your wife's like did you remember the lube you're like i i thought you i told you five times oh yes i remember the lube all right but is it the water base he's like yes she's like well why do you take that tone he's just like well i feel like you don't respect me when you talk to me like that. Why don't you take that tone? They get into like a real, like a 20 year couple fight. He's like, I'm listening. She's like, well, what did I say then?

You said you wanted to go to the underwater mermaid room with the chainsaws. I don't know. No, I said I was thinking about that. You don't listen. You pretend to listen. What did I just say? I don't, you said you, I don't know. No, I said I was thinking about that. You don't listen, you pretend to listen. What did I just say? I don't, you said you, I don't, I said I wanted ass play while you fucked me. What did I just say?

Okay, well, you know, I'm busy at work a lot. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, so you think earning money justifies the way you treat me? I'm out there, I'm busy, I'm trying to find black men to fuck you. What do you want out of me? She's like, I want you to put the work into this relationship.

By the way, her dress. Oh, come on. Don't fuck out on me now. All right. I mean, her dress looks like she stepped into a bag of Frito-Lays and pushed the chips out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it looks like it's made out of the stuff they use to cover

hot tubs she's she looks like she looks like she's constantly exhaling yeah they they have to she's so out of breath she can't even inhale they have to they have to to fuck her they have to cut her out of a pair of Spanx. Like it's a car wreck. They have to call the fire department. Right. Yeah,

it's like when you get shot and go to the ER and they have to cut your clothes off with a pair of scissors. All right. Here we go. Here we go.

We are in the office. We are, and this is where you're going to fill out all your paperwork and give your firstborn. No, your bank accounts,

your firstborn, sign over your car, but you keep your kids. No, we're just kidding. You're just going to fuck. Your bank account's your first born. Sign over your car. But you keep your kids. Yes. No, we're just kidding. You're just going to fuck my wife and ruin my marriage. We're just playing, y'all. It's just going to destroy the fabric of love between you.

Oh, it says no cell phone use inside the club. Makes sense. So it's like Dave Chappelle's doing a side ride. Put it in these boxes. Joe Rogan's pacing the stage talking about vaccines. Yeah, Joe Rogan's doing an impression of a lion eating an elk. Right. They're like, yeah, put your phones in these bags

so you can't film the one joke I wrote this year. Then Dave Chappelle comes out and yells at everybody that he doesn't have enough money. And they're all screaming like, Dave, Dave, please fuck my wife. Please. He's like, all right Dave, please fuck my wife. Please. All right, I'll fuck your wife. He's like, when there was a great man dingo named Iceberg Chuck. And I'm going to relate that to U.S. politics over the next 45 minutes.

And then I'm going to fuck all y'all's bitches. Then I'm going to fuck all y'all's wives and give you COVID. If you fill out the application online, it'll definitely speed up the process. And again, like we said... It's still funny. No matter where you go in America, everything is like... It's like the doctor's office, the dentist, the DMV. You gotta fill out paperwork.

It's all the same, dude. It's all bullshit. No matter what you're doing. There's nothing free. No matter how depraved an act, you have to go through the same bureaucratic bullshit. Show ID everything i'm here for the swingers party okay well can you do you have your uh you know identification you have your insurance like right and they go we're not seeing your name you go well i sign up on the site and i have the receipt and they're like yeah but it's not in our system so So you have a screenshot of the email.

What we actually need is the email itself. Finally, you're just like, let me fuck this pig. Jesus Christ. Can I fuck this woman that's dressed like a fucking like she's like a bicyclist at night? All right. All right. Well, let me call corporate real quick. I'm going to talk to their payroll department to see if it went through and then your wife can get.

Can I fuck this glow-in-the-dark pig? We brought an ID just like everybody else has to bring IDs. So make sure bring your ID because we know a lot of people don't. Every man in the swingers community is like this guy. Yes. They're all this guy. I was about to say he sounds very impotent. Then I remember he gets cucked. He gets cucked. he's he's so he's so cucked he can't they

can't grow full goatees you know what i mean yeah yeah they're like i'm gonna grow out a goatee but it's gonna be two days worth of growth yes yes that i trim like it's my lawn and he can't fuck anymore because one night his dick got too big and he thought it was black and he shot it. Yeah, we actually put a ring camera on my wife's pussy because we were worried about black people stealing it. Yeah, her pussy has a eufy light on it. He wakes up in the morning, her pussy's on cinder blocks. They took the rim. They took the lips.

There's no lips left. They're trying to sell her clit for scrap metal money. Yeah, they have to call the police. They stole my wife's pussy lips. They're like, well, you can fill out a report. There's really nothing we can do. You're down at the station. You're down at the station. There's other fat white women there.

And they go, we get a lot of these calls. And, you know, 95% of the time, we don't find the lips. I'm just letting you know. Fuck. All right. So in the orientation room, they usually have their volunteer host. So now you've moved in the orientation room they usually have their volunteer host couples

so now now you've moved to the orientation room and they'll tell you everything that you you have questions it's a great place to ask it is

we got a continental breakfast and if you want to check your phone email texting Facebook this is the room to do it in

right here you can call your divorce lawyer because you it really just broke everything inside you to actually see it was a fantasy and then you brought it to real life and now you can never love this woman again or touch her he also talks weird like he doesn't fully open his mouth he acts like his jaw was cucked at one point too by the way i i said this on the live stream i

imagine the guy that's filming this looks exactly like Charlie in The Whale. Yeah. It's a real... This is being filmed from a wheelchair. Dude, I really think so. I really think so. The special wheelchair where they've welded two wheelchairs together. Yeah.

It's a wheelchair that's two office chairs tied together. Because this is some weird situation where they're paying some dude 50 cash to just walk through this for 30 minutes and film it and then probably edit it too problem man that's why i'm like they got like some film student like some better call solve yeah yeah yeah this is the guy at a local community college is like editing this he's like so he could so he could buy ramen he's like i wanted wanted to be Roger Deakins one day. Now look what I'm doing. He's like, yeah, he's filming. I'm doing this for Boba. This is Boba money.

He tries to make recommendations. He's like, why don't you guys switch outfits? Dude, I think she would look better. He would literally be a hotter woman. Her face is...

Right now in this freeze, she looks like the mayor of Halloweentown. She looks like... The guy whose face switches from happy to sad. She looks like if Jack Black shaved. Yeah, she's Jack Black, guys. Okay. So now we've made it to the dance floor.

Inside. All right. So now that we are inside where the magic begins. The magic starts right here on the dance floor. Right on the dance floor. You can tell they got a great stage up here with a pole. You got your DJ up over here. And like we've told everybody before, this is actually where the magic begins.

That's not a stripper pole. That's for mobility purposes. So you can get down the steps. That's a handicap accessible pole. Okay, that's to help people get down. It's great that they have to come through here afterwards and clean up all the cum and all the pee. Oh, yeah.

It's like when they get the water off the tennis courts at the US Open. They have those rolling squeegees. None of these people are hydrated enough to cum. They don't cum. It's all shit and piss. They just pretend their piss is cum. They might have squirters.

He goes, oh, I'm cumming. He holds his dick and just piss comes out of it. Just red piss. Just bloody piss is coming out. I'm coming. And he holds his dick and just piss comes out of it. Just red piss. For a minute and a half. Just bloody piss is coming out. Bloody Mary mix is coming out. It's got like chunks of pepper. Yeah, it's fucking balls of a big celery stalk shoved into them. Dude, some of them probably do come hot air.

It's probably like... Oh, these guys... It's like a balloon being deflated. They spend all day beside the pool and they get so dehydrated. When they come, it makes them pass out because it was the last bit of water inside of their body.

They're just tottering back and forth and just fall. So this is the dance floor. And basically you can hang out. You can do whatever here. Because I talked to the guy. I interviewed a guy who goes to clubs like this. He said he's been at one of these before.

And he was talking to this fat black woman who's there. And she's leaning against the bar. And they're just talking. And then this tiny little white guy comes up with his cock already out with a condom on. And he slips it in, his cock in under her dress, into her pussy. And she just, she goes, and she just turns around. She just like pushes him out of the way. And she's like, so anyway.

She's casual. She swatted him away like a fly. Swatting away like in any other situation that'd be a rape. Yeah, yeah. He's like, I didn't do it. He's doing that walk where he's just cock and he's just bouncing and he's just waddling.

Walking like a marionette doll. Well, you can't win them all. Yeah. The guy at the orgy being like, does no one want to fuck me? Fuck. Like the last kid at dodgeball practice. The guy who gets no pussy.

Oh, God. These people using barbecue sauce as lube. Yeah, spraying some sweet baby rays. Sweet baby rays all over the pussy. Yeah, it's out, so it goes... By the way, I want everyone to know, if you do... Because you're probably wondering this.

How do they keep it from being 99% women? Or men. Sure. And 1% broken women. Is that all the women look like they're 98% men? They just can't tell. They just let them all through. I'm assuming you got to bring a wife,

right? To get into the club. So it's, it's couples. Right. And then, uh, like if you're just like,

take a penny, we accept men and men with long hair. They just keep it balanced at the door. There's never an attractive woman in the swingers community. No. Anytime I've looked into the swingers community, never once has there been an in-shape woman in the swingers community.

They all are built like this. They're all built like a buffet. Look at her. Best case scenario, you'll get a very thin Matthew woman who has insane bolt-on tits that are breaking her skin on her chest. That's the best you'll get. It looks like she has two tumors. The best you get is Wendy from Breaking Bad.

Yes. she has two tumors. The best you get is like Wendy from Breaking Bad. Yes. He said you can sometimes, if you're lucky, you get the fuck really hot punk rock chicks with tattoos and the bangs that are doing it because it's a fucking punk. Yeah, I'm going to the fucking...

And then he said if you want to... Guys, if you want to get into swinging stuff, which I don't care what you do in the privacy of the... Go ahead. Don't tell us about it, but go ahead. He said the best nights are like Halloween or something like that because people that generally never go to those things

do go. It's like a wild night for them. They have anonymity, so it's like it's their one time they actually went to it and they swapped wives and they fucked and stuff and they probably never talk about it again. then you can find some hot slits. That makes sense. Yeah, I get that. But it is,

if you want to go, it kind of is like Chuck E. Cheese. You can't just go as a solo dude. You really need to bring your wife who is trapped in this loveless thing you call a marriage. But for the most part, you're going to be banging women whose legs look like the columns of an old building.

Look at her legs. Those legs look like they need to be reinforced. It's stucco. Those are stucco legs. Her legs have too much asbestos in them. Her legs should have black bars over them so people can't break in.

Those are poverty legs. Oh, shit. How many songs do you have? I did a lot. You can hear them all. But he did a great job last night. He's talking about the DJ. We definitely complimented him last night.

They just played Forever by Chris Brown. He's pissed off. He kind of sounded a little pissed off. He didn't remember the songs that they played. That they played. Yeah, he's like he kind of sounded a little pissed off she didn't remember like the songs that they played that they played yeah he's about to like hit her he's about to fuck her up this is the man in black we're

talking about and everything is sponsored by like a local like wine spritzer company from like Orlando it's it's ski do rentals I mean it really is just people who think like Kenny Powers is badass yeah Like Orlando. It's ski-do rentals. I mean, it really is just people who think, like, Kenny Powers is badass.

Yeah. Yeah. People who see that Confederate flag boogie board from eastbound and down, they go, fuck, yeah. Fuck, dude. Where do I get that? Is that on East Bay? So do you want to see this wheel they set up? Yeah, sure.

Why not? Yes, of course, family. We always set up a table. We have our spinning wheel. You spin the wheel and every notch says divorce on it. And our new high vibrator for girls to test out after we're off. Good Lord. But definitely come see us.

Because I thought that was a churro. Get on our newsletter. Spin our wheel because everybody's a winner. You're going to come fill out a little form. You're going to spin our wheel and you wheel because everybody's a winner. You're going to come, fill out a little form, you're going to spin our wheel and you're going to be a winner. And at Tom's Trips, everybody's a winner. Absolutely. There's not a losing spot on that wheel of

torture. Wheel of torture. Wheel of doom. Wheel of doom. Alright, so the crowd is... There's like a Sibian next to it and shit. In another shot, you can see there's a Sibian. You like spin a wheel and they rape you. That's pretty legit. You gotta see how the bar works, by the way.

Yeah, it's just, ah, rape. Darn. Not again. Well, the wheel has spoken. It'll be a bar. It's BYOB. They have all the mixes, you can imagine. They have a lot more than you can think

right so but if you require a special drink like red bull or any number of things you know hennessy yeah definitely contact them and find out if they have your mix but they do have all the basic mixes right here they do and they have one of the most amazing bartenders. We adored her last night. Tom's trips. They rotate bartenders. But she was on top of it. Every ten minutes, she was coming out making sure we had drinks

full and everything. I never stopped to think that not only are there chefs for these things, because there's buffets that people are eating. Because people are eating constantly constantly they're famished yeah they're famished so hungry right they're like i am i am starved from watching my wife get her back blown out in a way i never could but there's guys coming out of like weird dungeons with chains around their legs with like their their cocks and they've squeezed them purple and there's just a guy with a martini shaker like,

you want another whiskey sour? Just shaking the fucking, just the poor drink. Yeah, a woman covered in cum just being like, can I get a dirty Shirley extra dirty for me? That's great. You want a cocktail napkin for all that cum, sweetheart? Flipping the bottles like cocktail and shit yeah just handing just handing like a fucking old-fashioned to a guy covered in cum and it just slips right out of his fingers

yeah he comes up he's like listen my back's i'm fucked right now yeah can you get i got these vacuumed in my my son sells me. Can you crush these up into my whiskey? I take an old-fashioned with some hair plugs. Okay, so then you can go into this room right here. Thunder Village. All right, so we're in Thunder Village, your favorite place. So this is where you can come in and you can buy clothes.

You can wear three, four different outfits a night. Corsets. Bustiers. Bustiers. And one thing that I love different outfits a night. And corsets. Boustiers. And one thing that I love is this club is so big. They have a gift shop. It looks like car washes when you can buy stuff. You're wearing air fresheners. It's a fits all size.

18 to Chris Farley. And every print is the it's the same company that makes the tire covers at car washes with the different leopard prints and shit. That's exactly what this shit looks like. Very conservatively. It's women that are so fat

they feel comfortable being compared to wildebeests. They're like, just give me the African animal skin. Do you have anything from the Serengeti line? Do you have any rhino skin for me to wear? Because they'd rather dress safe

than they think they're going to be the only one walking in wearing a short skirt. So they don't. Once they're here they quickly realize that they're not at the same... Their inhibitions drop a little bit once they come in here and they feel the comfort level so now they can come in here and buy a nice sexy dress and look nice and they'll change we've seen people buy two and three outfits and change

i just i just love a gift shop like it's like it's a museum well you get a t-shirt that's like i was a cuck retard at the corral, and all I got was this lame t-shirt. You're on a field trip. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we have a lighter with a picture of your wife getting fucked on it.

I went to this field trip. I saw Tom Sizemore get fucked. Yeah, you can buy the pictures like at Splash Mountain of just your wife being like, whoa. She's on Splash Mountain. Yeah, and then you're in the corner just weeping. Just weeping and smiling.

Oh, but she's at the bottom with her legs spread and the log is a big black penis. The log shoves right up her pussy. It's a big black cock. Big fake black penis sliding down into her pussy and it kills her. Lexington steals log mountain. Yeah, it's a guy talking like Briar Rabbit on the ride.

Well, sir, I sure as gonna fuck your wife real good. Sorry. That's what the ride is. Don't apologize. The ride is very racist. Apologize for nothing. Don't apologize. Walt Disney should apologize you probably eat her pussy

you just start hearing the song of the south yeah getting her pussy A with a corncob pipe next to his mouth come on her clit is just a

her clit's just a burning cross yeah I got I got fucked by one of the guys from Django Unchained walking to Candyland. This is insane.

This is one of the craziest. And by the way, from here, the video gets crazier. What is the name of this room? The Corral. Okay, this is called the Corral. Right, but they have names for the room. This doesn't have a function. Ready? All right.

This is called the corral, Jace. Okay. But this room doesn't have an actual function. Ready? We are actually in a very unique area of this club. One of a kind. One of a kind. You're never going to see this anywhere else.

Never see it anywhere else. As you see here, we have- These are safety deposit boxes. PO boxes. And you actually have- The counter. What? Yes. This, the original owner, Herbie, this was

the original post office for Mingus Mills in Pennsylvania. And he ran. Of course it's in Pennsylvania. It's like a landmark. Bro, this is in Pennsylvania? It's like protected by the state or something. This is what these people do to distract themselves from strapping bombs to pizza boys' necks.

This is crazy. It's called Mingus Mills. Mingus Mills? This is Spring Grove, Pennsylvania. These people. They're human gas stations. I gotta take a piss real quick. I'll be right back.

No, that's fine. Oh my God. No, they are just, they're wah-wahs. This is a wah-wah and a come and go. And they like finally found love. And they go, man. Do you wah-wah take you come and go to be your lawfully wedded husband? And they make some

concessions. They go, well, what if we sell our double stuffed taquito at the come and go and you sell your caissadilla at ours. They're just bartering. Check this out. So this is...

I gotta show you this. This is Herbie right here. And then turned it into the farm. And then it got turned into the corral. So this facade here will be forever part of this club in honor of Herbie. In honor of Herbie. So this will remain no matter what happens here.

And no matter how many laws are broken, no matter how many animals die, this facade will stand. It's a piece of history. Right. I mean, look how old this is. It's a piece of history. On the backside, it has brass engraved names.

Dude, wait for this. It wasn't like handwritten. These were engraved boxes. So that's the quality of back that time. This was like the post office for the town. It's like a landmark. They said it will always stand. And then watch this.

They're going to zoom in on Herbie. Absolutely. Right. So we're going to definitely give honor to Herbie. Absolutely. And we've got to thank him for supporting us. That's the guy that died? That's fucking Newman, dude.

Honor to Herbie. Absolutely. And we got this guy, they're like, in honor of Herbie. That guy is watching his wife get fucked right now. Oh my God. And this is all in honor of Richard Kuklinski, who used to work here. Who received all of Ted Kuklinski's packages

and shipped them all over the United States. What's his name, Herbert? His name's Herbie. Herbie? In this photo and this weird puppet. Oh my God. This weird sex doll. They dress up like an old man.

No, it's the Michelin Man. I mean, that picture, it looks like Herbie was turned into beef jerky in that basement. It looks like they murdered and butchered Herbie. Oh, man. Community post office. I love that they're like, we're not iconoclasts. We're not like ISIS. Ben, by the way.

We're not going to destroy culture and art. We have respect for where we came from. We got to take Lemon Party on the road, bro. I i know i want to do a southwest tour we gotta circle we gotta do down circle up for through denver and come back just let me know i have a connect at a rental car place we can buy a night we can buy an suv we mean a great deal and we're just gonna go to like wife and we should go to like all these these ridiculous places that we've done and like just, you know, go through Southwest, go like, you know, cool places and then go to the retard spots. We got to do it.

We should do a podcast at the Aurora school. Yeah. Right outside. We should. Oh, you mean the theater? Yeah. The theater. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I saw some streamers got in trouble. They posed with AR-15s outside of Columbine High School, and they thought that was really funny. We're not doing that. Yeah, we're not.

I know, but we don't copy other people. We're original. Yeah, we're not. It's already been done. Right, we're actually going to shoot up the school. Which is still copying, actually. Okay, so, dude, you haven't even seen the fucking room.

All right, let's get to it. I mean, this fat pig is driving me nuts. No, she yaps and yaps and yaps. By the way, look at the fake guy they put in place of Herb. Yeah, that's Herb. You just saw that? Good God, dude.

That's what I said. I said they have a sex doll. They dressed up like an old train conductor. That's insane. I mean, it looks like the puppets from Escape from Alcatraz, made out of plaster and human hair. Yeah, that's like a guy in prisons like Pat.

By the way, every night, they have to stop some guy from trying to fuck that. Like some guy's just leaning against the bar. He's like, so I was here last week and I didn't see you. He goes, can I get you a drink up at the bar? I brought my own Tito's vodka. I got a nice deal down at the liquor store for for 35 they have they have another mannequin of herbie's wife that you can fuck in front of them you choose to fuck the mannequin as opposed to his wife ben okay so here at the corral so this isn't that interesting this is just the pool

and then it's gonna show these disease these Petri dish hot tubs they have. Where are the hot tubs? I thought it shows the hot tubs in this. Maybe it only is for a split second, but it's a real disaster, if you can imagine. This is probably cool, because a few clubs have a huge pool tub. You don't have to leave during the weekend. Come out here. The hot tub has crabs in it that are so big it looks like a lobster boil.

No, these people think they're fishing by just pulling crabs off of their cock. They have crabs so big there you have to crush them like roaches. Right. Okay, so now we're at the first room. I mean, it starts off really sad. What is this room? This room looks like somebody was raped and killed inside of it. Oh, my God. So here at the crowd, they actually have seven. I mean, it starts off really sad. It's weird. This room looks like somebody was raped and killed inside of it. Oh, my God.

Right. And they're like, so, yeah, this is actually where they filmed the barbarian. Remember when he goes down? Yeah, this is where Justin Long, remember he's measuring? Very funny scene. Yeah, so they're like, Brie Larson filmed most of the movie in this room. I mean, dude. Because they're going to be building more.

It's advisable that you call them. And it has, I love it has the little, the cock chair. Yeah, to watch. To watch. You have to have a viewing chair. A way to reserve these rooms because they do go fast. All the rooms right now are. The rooms go fast. It's like tea times. You got to reserve these rooms because they do go fast. All the rooms right now. The rooms go fast.

It's like tea times. You got to reserve in advance. By the way, every time this video cuts to a new room, it should show them like putting up black umbrellas, like setting up the shot. No, every time they go non to the next room and they put black umbrellas over

their head and they walk to the next room because they're Satanists. All right. So we are in the fetish because they're Satanists. Alright, so we are in the fetish and kink hallway. Right, because like we said, any type of lifestyle is wrong. Just like we should. Her jaw's fucked up from getting mouth rapes. A lot of people have fetishes for retainers.

She has screws in her jaw. Yep, Lexington Steel cracks my skull open like a fucking coconut. My favorite thing is getting my mouth flossed by a cock. So let's have this screw that sucker back on. Sucker and sucker tag. I got that on my knees and I said, batter up.

And he shrunk for the fences, didn't he? I wear this. Bottom of the net, two bars, I'll distract you. A lot of people ask me why I wear green so I don't get hit by traffic. I get ran over by lots of cars. I get ran over almost every night. I get ran over almost every night. People ask me how I got this figure,

and I say I've just been run over by a bunch of cars. This next room, this is the ICU after you get fucked today. I still bring you back like flat liners. Yeah, we can bury you in the back if you want. I got fucked by so many light-skinned guys, so I went to the other side for a while. I saw all my family members. I saw Bright Light. I saw all my dead relatives,

and they're like, what are you doing? This is disgusting. She done hurt, and they molested me again. Their ghost started touching me the way they did when I was just a kid. You have not been ass-fuck've been gang raped by your dead relatives in hell. It was hell I went to. For my mortal sins.

It was hell I went to. I went, yeah, so we pieced it together. I went to hell. We pieced it together. They had like a couple weeks where they pieced it together. And I said, you know, my husband turned to me and goes, I think you went to hell. You tell me that big red horn-skinned guy, he fed you.

I think that was the devil. That's the Scots Irish in me. All my ancestors wanted to touch me Beyond the grave And they hit me With the paddles They brought me back To life And my pussy

Just blew out Her pussy When they hit her With the paddles Her pussy shot off And hit the wall Yeah my pussy Started smoking

Like an old dachshund It hit the wall Like when you're Testing spaghetti To make sure it's kicked sometimes if I'm getting fucked I might as well have to throw water on my pussy like the old man

in the sea when he was pulling the rope in on the marlin and his hand started burning and he needs that little Mexican boy to throw water on his hands but he wasn't there he's like that's my wife she's the reader loves Hemingway You need that little Mexican boy to sit while you're on your chance, but he wasn't there. He's like, that's my wife.

She's the reader. Yeah, that's my... Loves Hemingway. That's my dumb, jawless wife. She's the reader. Now she's a big bookworm. Yeah. My wife, she loves reading and getting fucked. My wife.

So this is the fetish and kink room this one here is the fetish and they say any lifestyle goes so they're going to explain that in a minute okay and then behind us we actually have an authentic jail cell that came jesus from the town yeah man they got it actually has the door they bring like this is like a real jail so they used to like like keep like uh fucking emmett tilling and shit like this is like old time like they shipped this it's an old-timey jail cell yeah they're like the prison will actually bring brothers down to fuck my wife so they stay here interim we look at prison like a kink prison's a big kink of ours by the way this is definitely only used for like it's black guy white guy cuck porn yeah like only black sorry i have the hiccups

again because i'm sorry laughing because you got so horny oh fuck no yeah it's white guy puts on like a jailer's uniform yeah yeah yeah black guy dressed like the hamburglar yeah i do imagine really fat white guys coming here with their fat wives and they're dressed like like uh like they're dressed like the sheriff who rides the horse with the shotgun like in charge of the chain gang and stuff like he comes in there with the reflective aviators and the toothpick but he's really fat so he's bursting out like the buttons are making the the like his it looks like there's a bunch of pussies down his shirt the shape it makes with the buttons being like a kaleidoscope yeah and the guy's like the guy's like fucking your wife he goes fuck my wife there he's fucking his wife

picking his teeth he's actually picking things out of his yeah yeah shit and your husband's really in character with the toothpick and everything. He's like, no, he just came from the buffet. Right, yeah. He's on a horse. He's on a horse. Fucking your wife here, boss. You're really in character.

He's on a horse? No, he can't walk. He can't walk, so that horse goes everywhere. We put him on the horse with like a crane, and then he just... We found that a rascal skeascal lacks the mobility of a horse. Or the intelligence, frankly. Okay, so wait until you guys see these fucking rooms. Thank God.

Thank God. And then there are... They gotta wipe the bars down. Oh, yeah. Look at this, dude. I mean, they gotta clean this like silkwood. People in yellow suits come in and spray everything with chemicals.

He's locked our in. Some people do cupping. Cupping? Cupping is where you put a suction cup on a titty or a pussy or a penis and you make it. You pretend like you're... How silly of me. What the fuck is that slot in the goddamn board right there? What the hell is that? What slot? Right there? No, no, no. At the fuck is that slot in the goddamn board right there? What the hell is that?

What slot? Right there? No, no, no. At the bottom of the screen. There's that plank with the slot in it. Oh, I don't know, man. Jesus. Oh, you mean in the table?

Yeah. That's like probably a milking station. That guy puts his cock through it. Well, I can get on board with that. Yeah, and then somebody looks like, you know, Vincent D'Onofrio, this sucks you off. I would love if you went to one of these. It is just Tom Sizemore and Vincent D'Onofrio. It's just literally every woman.

I'm like, you just shaved Tom Sizemore. Just great character actors. Great male character actors. Yeah. God damn it. Fucking William Frawley sucks you off. Thanks, Brent Mertz. Jimmy Durante just ate my ass.

If you think that you do something that might be out of the norm... Okay, here we go, here we go. James Redbourne just sucked on my balls. Here we go. Now they're going to explain what goes. Just got sucked off by Sam Shepard. Then definitely call and ask and make sure that it is welcome here. Or not welcome.

You know who has the wettest pussy? Burgess Meredith. Right. I just fucked the whole cast of 12 angry men. Wait till Brian dinner he gets here. Oh, man. Lawrence Tierney's about to give me a rib job. Oh man

Lawrence Tierney's about to give me a rib job Oh fuck I'm out of character actors So here we go Me and Devin love a good character actor If you think that you do something That might be out of the norm, then definitely call and ask

and make sure that it is welcome here. Or not welcome, but you can do it here. Right. Because a lot of clubs frown on a lot of different things, but this one is pretty open to things. So if you... Jesus. Imagine you're such a sick bastard

that they're like, no, no, fuck that, dude. They're like, no, that's fucked up. Yeah. yeah they're like so you guys open at three right could i get there at seven in the morning i got a lot of i got jenny's that's short for generator i got a lot i got guys with vans i got a lot of prep it's like i got up for the flea market yeah i got a couple of union guys and they got a lot of regulations yeah they're like setting up for the flea market. I got a couple of union guys, and they got a lot of regulations. They're sag. The man gets really pissed. You don't mean Jenny's ass cream?

Fuck you! So I asked the guy who goes to all these swinger places. He says he's never seen anything illegal. He's never seen minors. He's never seen bestiality. Right. You're talking about actual minors. Yeah, that's what he thought i meant probably uh but i thought there would be like a room where there's a donkey and

someone's filming it wearing like weird i mean that's the christian yeah the dumb christian enemy i think there's people wearing goat masks and doing but it's really just they don't it's just that's that's billionaire sex this is this is mid mid-level. I mean, this is like 30,000 a year sex. Yeah. Yeah. This is the Florida project. This is people that make 30,000 a year and they just like go buy like a black shirt and they like they feel like they're like, you know.

Yeah. This is elite. This is Jeep Grand Cherokee. This is Jeep Grand Cherokee. This is the guy who thinks he's wealthy because he owns a necklace. Yes. He like puts a necklace on in the morning. He's like, I kind of made it.

That he won outside of a Kroger. He thinks he's wealthy because he has a nice house in a town you've never heard of. He lives in Pittsburgh, Florida. Yeah. He lives in one of those places where the name doesn't match what we care about. It's like Hollywood, Florida. Yeah, exactly. You're not in Hollywood.

I live in Jupiter. What? Yeah, exactly. You're not in Hollywood. I live in Jupiter. What? Yeah, exactly. That's actually a very rich city. I'm from Paris, Texas. Wim Wenders. Yeah. Wim Wenders, great film.

New York City, Wyoming. Yep. I don't know what the other one is. We call it New York City because there's one black guy. Oh, me? I come from South Dakota, North Carolina. Okay, so here they explain that pretty much anything goes, right? That's not illegal.

Ooh, look at that ass. Look at that great square ass. This woman, I'm not not kidding is in so much spanks it is oh it's crazy oh she's like she's dying yes it's a whole it's it's trying to give her a shape and it's still not working this woman has like like water cooling tubes inside of her spanks yep like special effects makeups i'm like a guillermo latour movie ben is looking up exactly what i was thinking of it looks like patrick star oh my god sexy lady she's fucking patrick star

oh my god dude i think i have to start rewatching spongebob honestly spongebob it's a classic great yeah it was it was great spongebob was so funny i mean they bob kenny's legitimately hilarious guy amazing person yeah tom kenny yeah yeah rest in peace right dude this is when he died this is then who died from spongebob yeah i think tom kenny died yeah dude steve hillenburg the guy

who created spongebob he created he died yeah yeah okay speaking of whales he was a big uh marina biologist guy. Okay. So, guys, we got to make it through these rooms. This woman. By the way, Jason, this woman's a big marine biologist guy. No, I'm saying you can see from this side profile specifically, you cut. Oh, sure. You cut three cords, and it looks like those inflatable rafts you pull. That looks like a fish that is like the prey of a shark.

An expanse? It's a puffer fish. All right. Oh, mother of God. This has the cross, the St. Andrew's cross. Oh, great. And it also has a cow. Oh, my God.

More voyeurs. More voyeurs. Fuck. It's like a big wooden axe you strap yourself to. So we're definitely going to take you through. Yeah, because when they say the cross, they mean whatever the St. Andrew's like a big wooden axe you strap yourself to. We're definitely going to... When they say the cross, they mean whatever the St. Andrew's cross is. Oh, they have a cross. That's nice. They're religious.

There's a confessional booth. There's a priest. No, there's none of that. The other playrooms, and those are all sponsored rooms. Just everything down here is just more bathrooms. Bathrooms. There's bathrooms everywhere. We have a special toilet for cum.

So it's got a wider pipe so it doesn't clog because it gets sticky if you don't have enough of it. Okay, so here's the... We saved that. We call it moisturizer. We have a cum plunger. It's a plunger specifically designed for cum.

I slash borrow lock. This is the locker room, which you could get fucked off. I asked the guy I was interviewing. You get fucked off or sucked off in these. But it's really just like you go in there, you take off your bowler's gloves and you put them in.

Of course. You take off your expensive jewelry because you don't want to get you put that in. You put it in your Nintendo DS. Exactly. you don't want to get... Swinging... You put in your Nintendo DS. Exactly. Ben, you're completely correct. Swinging is just what the big Lebowski's friends would have gotten into, had that movie kept going.

The guy who goes, dude, it's the first of the month is definitely there. Yeah, yeah. One time I got recognized for Lemon Party and the guy looked like that. Dude, it's the first of the month. Yeah, the first time i got recognized for lemon party and the guy looked like that the dude it's the first yeah the first time i got recognized from lemon party i got the dude looked like that i was i was like damn i was in santa monica doing a firearm job in my old job and i was at a physical therapy place looking at like the firearm and then i saw that dude getting physical therapy and it made me really sad that That same guy? The exact same dude?

Yeah, it was the exact same dude. And I was just like doing this. I saw him and he's just like, yeah, I can't like, you know, I can't really grip it that hard. It's just like it hurts like that. And I was like, oh, that makes me really sad now. I'm just going to leave. Damn, I wish I didn't know that. That really sucks.

I mean, he's like 80 years old now, you know. That makes me sad too. Yeah, it made me really sad. He was 80 years old? I mean, he's an old fucking guy.. That makes me sad, too. Yeah, it made me really sad. He was 80 years old? I mean, he's an old fucking guy. He's a big Lemon Party fan. Yeah. I think Jeff Bridges has cancer now, too.

Does he? Or maybe he got over it. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. It really sucks. Don't tell me about that. All right, so going on my theater bed.

This is the education room. They have a theater room. They do have a theater room. This is where we read. But they call it an education room. Yes. Educational movie. Yeah. You can play.

Sometimes we'll come in here and you can watch your wedding videotape. We all just sit here. We compare pros. So you kind of see it's just... All right, we're going to take them down to the... It's just they sit around and they watch porn and jack off. I mean, it's like... They probably are like snobs, too, and they sit around.

Oh, of course. They're like, oh, you like his early shit? They go, you like Cop Season 2? Right. Hey, guys... I'm more of a fan of Cop Season 13. They're like, this guy's never seen Ghetto Gaggers. Got a load of fucking Mr. Marvel movie over here.

Mr. Magoo. He looks... How come he looks pregnant with her baby? Like he's a seahorse? He's a cock for being pregnant. So they, I asked the guy, the swinger I was interviewing, what this room was. He says he really doesn't have a clue. Maybe you guys can take a stab at it.

Welcome to the swing out social room. Right. This is one of the sponsored rooms that we were telling you about right that they can sponsor the room they come in here they design it however they want decorate it and they decorate it and they also maintain it correct so this one happens to be there um it's all about keys they got keys under the bed it's hard there's a big key there so we going to have them go without the line on. Like a key party. The key is their logo.

So there's keys everywhere. Now focus, dammit, focus. I think we need one in our house. We do. That's pretty cool. Yep, and the ceiling, it's great. So we're going to let him pan around. And they supply in here the mitts, tissue, towels,

and... I think the purpose of that room is to ruin your marriage. Just like every other room in that building. Yeah, they open the door and they go, this is the room where it's the end of the line. That's what we call it. So the divorce lawyer, we keep him in this room and it's just an easy

all-stop shop. You get the whole process done. Oh, by the way, this is you gotta follow this rule if you go. You're done playing. Just lift up on the- Just pull the corner of the sheet up, leave the room, and their attendant will come and fix the-

They'll replace all the sheets and towels and everything, clean it all up, so that way it's ready for you or the next person. This guy is a complete sociopath, by the way. That guy sucks ass. You think so? He's like the gayest car salesman of all time. Yeah, he's like a guy that sells you a Yaris. Yeah, he's a car salesman for Polaris slingshots.

Yeah, he's like the gayest car salesman of all time. So this one's pretty easy to guess. This is what they call the Red Room. It's the Red Room. It's the 56th Room. They murder people in here? This is where we watch people get killed. This is where we watch Russians get murdered.

They have some props over here that you can use. Right. Behind the door, they have straps. Man, I hate this specifically. I hate this specifically. Y'all ever seen The Night Of? You know that fucking Sandman word that gets, they say falsely accused.

We all thought he was guilty. Riz Ahmed, fuck you. They just start going, fuck you, Riz Ahmed. Night Of, it was a great three episodes, and then the whole thing fell apart. Whole thing fell off as usual. Liberal cuck Hollywood. Had a lot of promise.

HBO premiere broadcasting channel. All right. John Turturro was amazing. The whole writing just fell apart. Then he tried to pick up his career with a death roll. Fucking bullshit. Sound of metal more like sound of bullshit if you ask me.

Alright, enough about, stop talking about Riz Ahmed. We gotta get back to you. Alright, back to cucking. Right. Oh, dude. So then this room is insane. Under the sea. Alright, so now we're under the sea. Under the sea room.

This one is definitely very, very unique. I've never seen one like this before. They have art on the wall. Then they put three-dimensional art on top of it. It looks like they let the local elementary school build this one. That's terrible. So it makes it look like you're under the water. Right.

You can't really see it with the light on. There's hooks on the wall. I'm going to go through with the light off. There's Chinese people running buffets that have better art. Check out this room. Dude, Devin, you're so right. There's Chinese people that run really shitty

buffets and the art is better than this. We got the artists from every Greek restaurant in America to make this. Yeah, we got Mr. Euro to make this. So everyone has a princess fantasy. This is the princess room. They certainly do.

And this one is absolutely so cool. So this one is really sad because then you realize you go, oh, princess. It's like it's a little like it might as well be like. And right here we have everyone's favorite theme, your childhood bedroom. Right here. The daycare room. Yeah, they have a daycare in childhood bedroom. Right here. The daycare room. Yeah, they have a daycare in the building. It's like an Ikea ball pit, but for adult children.

Exactly. So then you got the Endeavor room, which this room, it's called Wicked Endeavor. Look at this. Looks like a big bass hunter. It's got a full tent in here. This is if you ever want a big bass hunt. Big buck hunter. This is if you ever want to fuck like you're an escape slave. So there's a big tent with a

mattress in it and a Coleman lamp. Trees on them. You've got stars at the bottom. Tinky torches. A picnic table. You can pretend to kill your wife in a hunting accident. You stage because you hate her so much for what you've seen her do. In our next room here, we got the Charlottesville room.

We got tinky torches. You can fuck in the Dodge Challenger. We got the same one. They got a pool table. That's very funny. Yeah, right here. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Okay, so like every club.

Listen, so we know black people are going to come here, so we figured, you know, give them something, be entertained. That's why I'm air hockey. We got a little distracted. We never got to do it. I would love to come here. My wife's getting fucked, and I just hit up the pool table for like three hours.

Smoking a cigar. Yeah, I'm dressed like Minnesota Fats. My wife's getting fucked and I just hit up the pool table for like three hours. Smoking a cigar. Yeah. I'm dressed like Minnesota fats. I'm in like an epic duel with like Paul Newman. While both of our wives are getting fucked. Yeah, baby. You have a good night. Yeah.

I fucking ran the pool table. I fucking ran that shit. Yeah. It's just my wife comes in. I'm rubbing my eyes. I go, ah. That's a long night of billiards, boys. Smoke filled black and white room

you have a little portable bluetooth speaker you put on the latest Joe Rogan episode you're just playing pool for four hours as your wife's getting railed out yeah trying to do the karate moves from the car money but you keep knocking yourself out trying to spin it and break your own nose so yeah they got pool and then dude here's the dining room

here's where you can feast the dining room okay he just points at his wife's pussy wow look at how hard she's laughing you don't have to go to dinner before you come you don't have to try it And it starts from the minute they're open And they run until 11 o'clock at night From 7pm to 11 It's basically We make a bunch of shit out of Hot Pockets

Now the Better Business Bureau Says we can't refer to what we make as Food but you can eat it We just kind of like chop Hot Pockets Up into a bunch of other shit. We kind of unfold a Hot Pocket and that's a taco.

Y'all ever heard of Totino's? We just kind of use what they have and we just make a bunch of other shit. Dude, I think they talk about the food, what they exactly serve here. Okay, let's get into it. I think they actually do. She was just laughing hysterically the minute they mentioned food. What egg they exactly serve here. Okay, let's get into it. I think they actually do. Oh, of course they do.

She was just laughing hysterically the minute they mentioned food. Oh, well, they have little inside jokes because you missed it back here at the pool table. They go, we have the air hockey machine over there and we meant to get to that last night, but we got a little distracted.

Oh, so they keep talking about how much they fucked each other in the face. Yeah. Well, they said all last night. God damn, that woman's beautiful. Who is that? I don't know. Anyway.

Those green eyes. Yeah, it's fine. Whatever. She's fine. It's a pretty face, though. Yeah, you'll never see her at this place. You'll never. She'll never be around you.

Anyway. I mean, I've also been looking at her the whole time Jesus That's the most beautiful woman of all time Oh it's Natalie Furtado Playing on the other screen For the listeners confused Yeah yeah anyway

For the audio listeners But this Pig Look at that utter pig. I'm not kidding. You should be able to like, like, like get in a helicopter and shoot her over West Texas. She really looks like a hot lady disappeared and they dug her out of the river like three days later. They dragged the creek and found her.

She looks like female Jimmy Hoffa if we found her dude Jace is really right though this is a woman that a diver is swimming underwater and he goes into the wreckage of a plane and he unbuckles this thing from a seat and it floats up and then out up to the

surface of the ocean when they found Natalie Holloway that's what she looked like this woman when she this video ends and she takes the Spanx off, just like buckets of gum pour out of her. The Spanx was holding the cum in. Because her pussy doesn't have elasticity anymore. Yeah, right. Here before 10.30, so that way you have plenty of time to eat.

Right. Her pussy whistles like a haunted cave. It's all covered right now, but we just looked out at you at yeah verner herzog's making a documentary about her pussy it's called the cave of forgotten dreams oh i think you're gonna say cave of forgotten nightmares oh sorry no it's just the name of the thing it's the exact same thing it's the exact same thing it's where verner herzog's inside her pussy going like men 10 000 years ago were writing their dreams on the walls of this pussy. What did they think when they laid their head down at night?

How gross. Primitive men. They're like, Werner, stop saying primitive. Stop saying primitive. He's like, no, but this is the Stone Age. This is the Stone Age. Werner, they were just from Flint, Michigan. Werner, stop.

He goes, listen, just because I sound like a Nazi does not mean I'm racist. Like Werner, Wernon but it definitely does eat tonight of course it's got beef stew and it has chicken beef stew and of course like that salad and everything this literally and look it's like it looks like it looks like we're like they serve jarhead but But you just imagine, imagine fucking a stranger's wife and then eating beef stew. And then sitting at a-

Making eye contact across the way. At a dark table, like across from like a bunch of other degenerates. Jesus Christ. By the way, where's the ketchup? Just salt and pepper? That's all they have, yeah. Because they want you to get right back to the room.

By the way, they must go through these chairs like crazy. Oh, I know. These chairs break every five seconds. There's a busboy for the chairs. There's a busboy just for the chairs. There's an unpaid intern that has to keep driving back to a Walmart and buying chairs.

And everything back there for all you carb conscious people. So yeah, they have like beef stew and shit. It's crazy. It's like making gumbo or something. It's insane. And then they just recap it. I thought they show the hot tubs at some point because I remember seeing them, but now I

don't see them anywhere. Can I ask you, I think we're pretty much done with this. No, we are. How much does it cost to get your wife fucked in one of these places? Yeah, like what does it cost to go to this like den of Satanism? I'll go to their website real quick and I'll show you. What does it cost to take your wife to this place? Because we could book something right now for us.

Let's do it. Let's fucking do it. I'd love to do a live lemon party at one of these let's show up with no woman and then record an episode in one of their fucking horrific hotel rooms in the under the sea room tom and bunny oh they have a podcast oh they got a podcast of course they do oh yeah damn they're on everything it's called it's called Guys My Wife Fucked. So right here we'll do... I want to book a tour. Hold on. They had...

The last time I was on their website, I was able to go to... Oh, here we go. Club Tours. That's where I want to go. I think that's just what we watched, right? No, because then you can book it

dude last time I was on this I was able to book by going to it oh man that's a brutal that's a brutal picture of her Jesus fuck me dude that looks like every open mic in LA uh

hold on I was able to I was able to book travel last time go to contact go to contact no it wasn't contact their website's bullshit well they have a shitty website it's time they haven't advertised with us we should put a lemon party advertising yeah we should buy an ad upload a photo now you got to go through the whole they probably don't tell you until you like get down the whole process well where are they where are they based uh uh oh here we go right here we go book your next trip with us here it is tomstrips.com they have another website see they really like they need a website guy they need to have a a link that kicks you

to book with them. Oh, Ben, you could do some amazing stuff for these people. Let's take a trip. Folks, let's take a trip. Let's take a fucking trip. This is ranked as the number one lifestyle travel agency. Let's take a trip. Clothing optional and topless optional group trips.

Join a Tom Trips group trip to Hedonism 2, Desire, or other lifestyle destinations. Oh, yeah. So that's a different place, though. Oh, yeah. No, Jace, they have so many spots. Tom Tripp's group trip to Hedonism 2. Desire or other lifestyle destinations. Oh, yeah. So that's a different place, though. Oh, yeah. They have so many spots. That's just one club. We have to go to Jamaica.

Yeah. Let's see here. Let's go to Reserve Your Trip. Okay. Reserve Your Trip. You got to put all this fucking billing in. No, no, no. Hold on.

Each person has to get their own flight because the plane will go down if too many people are on it. Here's the resorts. Hedonism 2, room categories, and book hedonism. You want to do... What's the biggest one? You want to do Temptation Resort, Dominican Republic. That just means there's tons

of hookers. Dominican Republic is just a crime riddle. That means a teenager throws a baseball up your wife's pussy yeah that means you go you have your wife get fucked by a bunch of guys hitting home runs under her twat okay let's let's go to hmm how about this how about desire riviera maya yeah that sounds fantastic okay here we are so here's here's the resort that's what it's gonna look like that's what it looks like that's the desire resort at tom's tom what is it tom and what tom and bunny tom and bunnies.com uh so i So last time it showed a calendar

and it said it was like $600 for the weekend. That's not bad for a round trip. I'm not kidding. At some point, if we're making enough money, we should just book it on a whim. See what it's like. We all go. That'd be great. That'd be fun. Yeah, we could say we're all gay.

We just say we're gay. We're not here to fuck anybody. We're gay as hell. So here's gay throuple. We're not here to fuck anybody. We just want to... We're gay as hell. So here's like an event you can go to, right? Old fat guys with hot chicks. This is in March of 2024. So this is like a ways out.

Old fat guys with hot chicks. It's $250. Deposit. That's a deposit. Oh, that's right, Jace. And then for each room, it's like an additional 360 or whatever yeah no refunds damn garden view nude garden view regular jacuzzi

damn it ain't cheap no it's not cheap should we do ocean view nude premium yeah you want to do you gotta do you always do premium you're like i premium, bro. You're like, well, I'm making the trip. Why the hell not? We're already going. Dude, this ad. This ad is so funny. Old fat guys with hot chicks. It's like a... It's Peter Griffin and a hot chick in the ad. Yeah, it's Peter Griffin and Lois. It's from February 24th to March the 2nd, so...

All right. We gotta do a live lemon party from there, I think. Let's fucking do it, dude. What's stopping us? Well, honestly, we have to go on a big lemon party road trip. Yeah, we fucking do it dude what's stopping us well honestly we have to go on a big lemon party road trip yeah we have to soon and we know there's no reason we shouldn't i know man there's no reason we shouldn't there's so many fucked up retarded people across this country we should go visit parties near you mark mays look at Look at that idiot. Look at this guy. And he, dude, he gets so much pussy.

He has those suspenders on just to hold his body up. Oh, because it would fall in half. Yes. And look, he's got like black fingernails. He's like a member. He's like,

he loves panic at the disco. These guys are all freaks. They're all freaks, Ben. They all seem pretty happy though. Yeah. So this is our lovely Tom and Bunny. Tom and Bunny.

There they are. Yep. Bunny. This is it. Have I introduced you to Mike and Denise? Denise is the only one that doesn't look fat. Well, I mean, then you look at her face. But then, yeah.

Yeah. But then, yeah. Then she does. Her face is made out of deltoid muscle. She does look like Walton Goggins. He does look like Walton Goggins. Who doesn't want to fuck, you know, great character actors for Westerns? Well, those are your hosts, folks.

Yeah, anyway. Anyway. The last place I worked at before here, I'm pretty sure two of the owners were these type of guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they kind of, they both looked like, I mean, they looked like that guy and the guy at the bottom yeah like old guys with silver hair that's long and kind of coned back and they're just too sunburned and i know one of the owners was like dating the other owners like ex-wife yeah so yeah swingershit swingershit yeah they're not uh technicallyers, but they're still doing swingershit. Yeah, they're doing some weird shit.

Well, that's a... God bless you all, folks. Thank you for going along with this. I apologize if we talk about swinger stuff too long, but we talked for 40 minutes without talking about that stuff. It's an interesting thing. I don't understand that at all.

It's also our show, I guess. Yeah, I mean, we could talk about it. How about I finish this vibe? Yeah. How about I drive home right now? I'm going to drive right home. I'm going to leave and drive immediately, folks. How about that?

I'm sick of you people with your stories. Oh, my dad was killed by a drunk driver. Well, that wasn't me. How about a bad drunk driver? A bad one? Yeah, the only thing that can stop a bad drunk driver is a good drunk driver. It actually is really

fucked up. We used to do comedy with a guy who I really respect and I like him a lot. And one time we were talking and I was like, yeah, but the driver, you're drunk. He was like, my father was killed by a drunk driver. And I was like, oh, yeah. And I was like, in my mind,

I said, oh, that sucks. And in my mind, I was like, yeah, but he must have sucked. Or the drunk driver. Not your dad. I was like, the drunk driver must have sucked. He must have sucked ass. I actually watched a video. By the way, I always wait it out.

Ben always sees me. Yeah, we're fine. We stay up until 3 in the morning, and we watch a guy's YouTube channel with three subscribers who we know personally. God, I wish I could say his name. Well, we cycle through a bunch of them. We have them in a Rolodex where I'm just like, let me see Paul Allen's card.

We just bring out a new retard that we've been obsessed with that week. Yeah, we know a series of guys where a lot of people's biggest fear is like, what if there's all the people who know me are making fun of me behind my back? And there's a couple people that's true for, and we're obsessed with them.

Yes. So anyway, we got to get out of here. We got to get Devin to sober up, or he's just going to keep drinking like a fish, and then we're not going to have a show anymore. Guys, I'm a real issue. Guys, guys, guys, I'm a big problem. No, this guy.

Guys. I keep him on a short leash for a reason. Oh my God. Ben, we got to get some food. Guys, guys, guys I'm a big problem No, this guy Guys I keep him on a short leash Oh my god Ben, we gotta get some food I would like to get some food You wanna get more food? Well, I mean, we haven't ate since like That's true

3.30 and now it's 8.30 When's the last time we ate? I thought we just went out The last time we ate This is how it works The last time we ate, the sun was up Now the sun's down That's true

It's like a day passed If you eat when the sun's out Now the sun's down. It's time to eat again. It's like a day passed. If you eat when the sun's out and the sun goes down, you get to add like two hours to it. 100%. That's true. That's why I eat at 6 and then 8 p.m. That's true. And by the way,

Devin kind of lectured me the other day when we got in the pool about my body, and I want to let him know I did my assault bike yesterday for 15 minutes. I went to the gym today, too. That's why I feel comfortable about doing this. You, on the other hand, are fatter shit. And you keep gaslighting the people.

You're thinking you're healthy. Dude, I don't mean to sound retarded. I'm kind of weirdly inspired by Mark Wahlberg's reels on his Instagram. He's like, hey, everybody stay prayed up. Happy to stay prayed up. It's 5 a.m. We just got back from the gym. How do you not get inspired by that? You're doing Mark's

40-day pray up challenge. I felt called by Mario Lopez and Mark Wahlberg. Jace, like... They both look incredible, by the way. About three weeks ago. What was it? He's always with Mario Lopez.

No, but about a couple weeks ago, I was in the car with Ben. Oh, it was after we filmed the sketch. I made a comment where I was honest, and I was like, Ben's just like... Ben eats like shit. I was like, Ben always acts like he eats great. He made me laugh very hard.

And Ben laughed really hard. And then I came over a couple of days later to like help him like edit or whatever. And then Ben's like, yeah, I was thinking about what you said. Like I got to bed. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I really appreciate because it was really it made me laugh really hard. But it was like as soon as I stopped laughing, I was like, oh, shit, Devin's right.

I was like, oh, man, I think I'm healthy because I eat two really healthy meals. And then for dinner, I have Chick-fil-A. And I'm like, but I think it cancels out because I go, it's two to one. Exactly. It cancels out one. So I technically ate healthy for the day.

But that's retard thinking. Like, Ben will, Ben, for like months. If you do the same thing, would you? I do, but I'm a little healthier than you. Oh, come on. I'm more honest. You gave me the call where you go,

you said I was able to make fun of you because I do the same thing. I do do that, but I work out more than you. Oh, come on. I thought this podcast game was a brotherhood.

It is, but you always say you're working out and I never know what you mean. You're literally just gaslighting me. I never say I do. I never say I'm working out. I go to the gym, like, every day.

I sometimes have a few-month stretch where I'm doing the assault bike, and I am doing it. Okay. It's a full-body workout. And it's intermittent. The way you just explained that is of a guy who's terrified of being caught in a lie. No, I do it. I swear to God. I will do it.

I did it for a minute. Well. And then I would go hiking. Remember? Remember when I went hiking and then the coyotes became a problem. I'm just saying.

You're full of shit. Look, you caught me. You caught me. Ben has this idea that if he wakes up in the morning and he eats like he eats like cardboard

with milk. I eat baby food. I eat weird baby food. He eats insanely healthy bullshit but then when 7pm comes around, we go eat like 3,000 calories of Chick-fil-A. He's like, no, but I'm healthy still. Because earlier today I was good.

We talked about this before on the show. I think if I drink a glass of water, it like washes away. Water does change everything in my glass of water, it like washes away. Water does change everything in my mind. Anyway, you're good, bro. No, but I need to get healthier. You should be. Listen, I'm not healthy, but I know I'm a little healthier than you and you should be like me.

And I drink. You are healthier than me. And you work out. I work out and I eat better than you, but I do drink. So I actually, I might line up with you because I drink. The drinking might cancel everything out. And I'm doing great and I don't want to talk about it. And Jason's going great. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party.

Yay. Live stream every Wednesday at 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. Then those live streams go behind the paywall on Patreon on the $10 tier. Check out Dirty Work. Check out Dirty Work. It's a great movie. And we'll see all you folks next week. God bless you all.

Thank you. Bye. Kjell Kronström Thank you.