lemonparty - 035: The JOI Experience

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Mike, if I could trouble you for a glass of ale. My good man. All right. We're on? No table in the middle this time. Yeah. Going a little rogue. Fuck the table.

Look at Emma. Yeah, Emma's the table now. Let's put our drinks on Emma. Now we can play footsie with each other a little bit. Yeah. Emma's the table now. Put our drinks on Emma. I don't want to move it back. I'd probably move it back. Now we can play footsie with each other a little bit. Yeah. Just jerking each other off with our feet. Live on pod.

Hell yeah. I love the sea theme, Ben. It's a rough day for some people at sea. It's been a great summer for the sea, really. It really has. It's the summer of the sea. Who knew the ocean would be our guillotine i know for our generation rest in peace to the submarine rest and piss rest and piss bozos as you spent four days pissing and shitting in a tube you were dying well they died in a submarine under the sea. Stupid billionaires.

There we go, Dav. Right, folks? There we go. So that's a fucking weird Al, dude. I'm insanely loud, by the way. I think you got to maybe do something. I'm still pretty loud, too, yeah. Hold on. I'm blowing my own ears out.

Oh, the headphones are loud. Oh, the headphones. Yeah, the headphones. Here you go, boys. How about that? Hey. Hey, all right, that's good. All right, fantastic.

Excellent. Yes. Because you also got the orcas killing all the rich people too which is pretty great they're like ramming yachts they're ramming yachts off the coast of like greece and yeah there was that one in argentina too yeah they're taking they're they're taking back they're taking the streets back that's right they're trying to kill all the nazis in argentina yeah all the old nazis i think you can turn me up yeah you can turn me up yeah turn me up i can't hear and i They're taking the streets back. That's right. They're trying to kill all the Nazis in Argentina. Yeah. All the old Nazis. I think you can turn me up. Yeah, you can turn me up.

Yo, turn me up. I can't hear. In my headphones. There's no snare in my headphones. Yo. Like that? Yeah. I said pack with this bag of zigzags.

All right. You got the juice? Yo, I got the juice. Yo, my life. My life a movie for real, for real. For real. Shit. Yo, the vibes are immaculate in here. Yeah. You getting sucked off. You're like, my life a movie for real for real for real shit you know the vibes are immaculate

in here yeah you getting you getting sucked off you're like my life a movie for real for real i hope the next phase of whatever uh horseshit i get into i don't become like a chance to rap or acid rap 2010 guy so you would go back to that i literally like i just found out about that. I would. I would. I want a cocoa butter kiss. I'd quit. You'd quit? I'd quit the show. I personally would love if Ben became a wigger from 2011. I think that'd be great for the podcast.

Ben's just walking around like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, Juice isn't on the album on Spotify. They couldn't get the rights. They're like, Ben,

why do you keep putting cocoa butter on your skin? I just, I think I picked up smoking. Yeah. You guys are like, no, Ben, you smoked for 10 years.

Yeah. You're just bad. You're back on it. You're not in high school. You keep acting like you had a grandmother you loved who raised you. Yeah,

you're keeping like your cigs in it. You're wearing a do-rag on the pod. You're like, I'm trying to get my waves in. A lot of tie-dye shirts. What happened to Chance? He got all Christian, started making tone-deaf music. His wife ruined his creativity. Yeah, he started making songs about showering and stuff.

He's like, call it by your heart. It was like little kid music. Might as well be making macaroni necklaces. He released The Big Day. They should have called it The Big Gay. Very good. Because that album sucked dick. It sucked ass.

The coloring book was so good. And I remember being at work and being like, all right, I'm going to turn this on. He's like, I love my wife. I don't want to fuck no women because I love my wife. Every song was just like, you better abide by your vows. It would be like that. And then the next time it'd be like, the itsy bitsy spider.

Over some shitty like trap beat. Yeah. It sucked ass. So he'd say stuff like, in sickness and in health. Till death do us part, baby. Pretty much like that. He got really corny. He just started becoming like a Kit Kat spokesperson.

He would just come out in overalls and do a big dance for Kit Kat bars or something. You better buy your Kit Kat. He's just being used by the system as usual.

Pepsi Coca-Cola, look at my hat. And every executive at Nabisco is just leaning over going, he has Down Syndrome, correct?

That's why this man talks like this. We finally started lobotomizing the rappers for our own good. Very good. Now he just fell in love with his wife and that's what happens to you. What's with those hand gestures? Is he having a seizure? Now, the number three, that's how high he can count. Make sure you

pay him in candy. Pay him in Laffy Taffys. I got the juice. Call me Chance the Husband because that's my real name. Who's the inspiration for talking like your tongue is too big for your mouth? Who's his inspiration?

Radio? He sounds like retarded. He genuinely sounds like a retard i did always have a hard time getting i think he was great he was fantastic uh but yeah i i don't know but it sounds like you're giving a retarded person a wedgie yeah it's that's kind of it right i kind of got the frequency yeah that's pretty good yeah that's pretty much it that's pretty it yeah he'll be doing that at the Democratic National Convention later this year.

He'll be on stage like, Hillary Clinton is a god. While Billy Porter is fisting his own asshole in front of Stephen Stills. Every fucking Democratic National Convention Cardi B comes out and sucks a bus driver's dick.

And Joe Biden watches and goes, Ah, salute to the working class of this nation. Bus drivers just laying on the horn. We love Puerto Ricans. And then the Republican National Convention, they have an immigrant on a leash that they execute at the end. They just have the robot from RoboCop, the big one just firing into the crowd.

And then you've at the DNZ, they're going to give Biden the N-word pass for a day. They're teaching Biden to roll a blunt at the DNC. I think I'm going to, if things do like keep moving that way for each side, it's going to be really tough for me to decide what line of the fence to stand on. Because on the one hand, they're like,

like you said, they're leading like a refugee on a leash and then just like blowing its head off. Like they're doing like Bane shit in The Dark Knight. And then on the other hand, like Joe Biden's literally like, he's like, what's up my boob? He's smoking weed. He's eating a bowl of child dicks

that they chopped off. So they're trans now. Both seem like a good time to me. I know. It's hard to pick. It's hard to pick, you know? Because it's like, it is fun to watch like the president

come out and watch like a seven-year-old like suck off an eight-year-old and everyone goes, that's, you respect that. And they go, wait, wait,

he's seven and that's eight? That's grooming. That's actually what grooming is. Grooming? They're like, grooming is actually when a white 25-year-old woman dates a 27-year-old white man. You can only date someone that's the exact same age as you to the day. Unless you're gay, then a baby can date a 90-year-old.

If you you gay. That's going to be the new bill they pass. That's the rules. Homosexuals can have sex with whoever they want, and consent does not apply to them. And then you cut to the Republican National Convention. It's a guy cumming in his AR-15.

Yeah, firing it in his wife's pussy. Yeah. Tegra's being like, I don't even fuck my wife. I shoot Commodore through my gun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's good stuff. That'd be great if they're just shooting Mexicans out of T-shirt cannons across the border.

Just shooting them right over the wall. And they explode somehow. They like fireworks. Well, they're holding the DNC next to the RNC. across the border just shooting them right over the wall and they explode somehow. They like fireworks. Well, that's they're holding the DNC next to the RNC. So the DNC is shooting Mexicans over the border

and the RNC is like skeet shooting them out of the sky. It's like a combo. It's like it's like clash of clans. Republicans are treating them like clay pigeons.

It's like a mobile phone game. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I love this goddamn country. Maybe it won't be Biden. Maybe it'll like a mobile phone game you're like I love this god damn country maybe it won't be Biden though maybe it'll be a fucking old old sore throat RFK somebody get that guy a lozenge

I said the best part of he becomes president is every comedian will do irreparable damage to their vocal cords trying to impersonate him and they'll never be able to speak again like they'll just end they'll end saturday night live they'll end all these like yeah people that just build a career off of impersonating the president it's gonna be great it'll be good enough reason for him to win yeah and then by the way i just want people to keep doing trump

people that do great trumps just keep doing trump yeah trump's still great trump's great yeah yeah still always funny yeah it's always funny yeah it's always great but i just love rfk sounds like he's on a on an old roller coaster i know like he's at like coney island he sounds like he's he's married to cheryl hines but he sounds like he's married to katherine zettaones. And he has horrific throat cancer from her pussy. From her dirty, dirty pussy. Dirty, murderous pussy. Fuck you! Is she gonna be in the new season of Curb that's coming out? Cheryl, you'd think Larry

would be like, how dare you? Well, because Larry on Martha's Vineyard, he cursed out Dershowitz for associating with Mike Pompeo and stuff on Martha. He cursed him out in a grocery store I think a year or two ago and now everyone's acting like rfk is like alex jones because he he said some wacky things he thinks you know wi-fi is like killing us or whatever i'm sure there's something maybe maybe

something in there but you know i like the guy he's a kennedy fucking vote for him he's a kennedy what else do we need yeah i mean his campaign should just be like, my aunt was made retarded by my granddad. You're like fucking stand by. Yeah. That would be great. The CIA is still killed them immediately. They're like, they're like,

what are you going to do? They go call our bluff, bitch. Yeah. They're not even like, they don't even like train a guy named Sirhan Sirhan. It's just a guy in a shirt that says, I'm the CIA.

He just blows his brains out. Yeah, they get Pete Buttigieg to kill him. Yeah. Make Air Force One a convertible. There's some guy in the CIA that's running for president now. Who? Did you see? He had like a campaign video. Let me see if I can find it on Twitter. Yes, please pull that out. A guy in the

CIA is openly... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it that dude that's always on Rogan? The CIA guy on Rogan? There's a CIA guy that's always on Rogan there's always there's a CIA guy that's constantly on Rogan and just like kind of he just tells us what we're supposed to believe and Rogan goes okay yeah you still have Devin the

selfie slut oh on Twitter yeah that's gonna be that's coming out on Patreon I think right yeah that was on the Patreon last week it really It was funny. You showed us Devin the Selfie Slut, and then everywhere I went online, I saw Devin the Selfie Slut.

Yeah, he blew up. Ben's like the Vanity Fair of retards. Yeah, he's big. He sets the fashion for the next couple months. Well, he just won America's Got Talent. It does suck once those guys get promoted, because I was like, oh, that was my little thing.

My little retard. I thought, I'm pretty sure now they're like edward sharp and the magnetic zeros you're like i was into them before i didn't watch that stupid trailer with uh fucking the duplass brothers what was that that was that it was that uh jonah hill um oh john c ryanilly Cyrus and it had Home by Edward Sharp in it and then that's right Edward Sharp was huge

and then I think I don't know they killed the woman in the song or whatever and yeah that song they had to disband it like five months later

it's a really good song and then all of a sudden it turns into this like hippie like community like speech with each other but they're like hey Alexander like how is the cabbage

coming in like I haven't washed my pits in weeks. Alexander. And you're like, all right, I always skip that part. It's good, yeah, and then they're like, our polyamory is tearing our relationship apart.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Yeah, she was cute, but you know her pussy just smelled like World War II. Disgusting. Some water birth bitch. Her pussy smelled like an mre from vietnam you have to open her pussy with a little pen he's like he's wafting the pussy after he opens it he's like i'm getting hints of sardine

hair sweat all right let's dig into this thing oh is that patchouli how do those women even give birth because one of the baby just like asphyxiate on the way out wet. All right, let's dig into this thing. Oh, is that patchouli? How do those women even give birth? Because one of the baby just like asphyxiate on the way out. Yeah. It just smells like shit. Like it's crowning and it stopped breathing completely. Yeah.

Seems the baby has wrapped the umbilical cord around its own neck. It tied the umbilical cord into a noose. That's weird. We're going to put a clothespin up your pussy and put it on the nosebilical cord into a noose that's weird we're gonna we're gonna put a clothespin up your pussy and put it on the nose of your uh on board baby like this so it can come out safely looks like your baby kicked itself off of a little miniature stool in your womb uh so my friend uh aaron gwen at american gwen uh made me privy to this. This guy named William Ballard Hurd is an American politician and former CIA clandestine officer who served as a U S representative for Texas 23rd congressional district.

This is him right here. He's right. He literally, he's just the CIA running. It's under attack. I mean, Oh Jesus, sorry.

It's way too loud. Hold on. Let me turn it on here. I mean, that guy looks for you. If like, you know, if you were to ask in history class, like why do bananas cost 20 cents a piece? It's because of guys. Hold on. Let me turn it on here. I mean, that guy looks for, if you were to ask in history class,

why do bananas cost 20 cents a piece? It's because of guys who look like this. Yeah, exactly. Our enemies plot, create chaos, and threaten the American dream. At home, illegal immigration and fentanyl stream into our country. Inflation, it's still out of control.

Crack cocaine, which we created. Growing in our cities and liberals do nothing. President Biden can't solve these problems or won't. And if we nominate a lawless, selfish, failed politician like Donald Trump, who lost the House, the Senate, and the White House, we all know Joe Biden will win again. I'm not so sure about that. Republicans deserve better.

America deserves better. It's common sense. And babies need LSD in their formula. Yeah, he's like, if elected, I will kill all the Jews. I mean, destroy black people.

Everybody cheers. Just like a boring. Listen, if I'm elected, I will put crack in Newport. They'll still smoke them. We all know it. We'll even tell them ahead of time. It's like a camel crack crush. You know, it's funny, by the way, his name is Will Hurd. H-U-R-D.

I mean, it's it's automatically just going to be. It's just will turd i mean this guy was created they dug jagger hoover's cum out of some panties and then shoved it shoved it up a maid at the cia's pussy and then this guy was born into a cage like a month later trained from birth these guys suck clearly these guys are hand-picked by these organizations, though, because he's ethnically ambiguous. He has Obama sort of vibes. He's also vaguely, like, Hispanic, kind of.

He looks like Gus from Breaking Bad. Yeah, yeah. He does. So, I mean, these guys are just, you know, clearly just hand-picked and then pushed forward. Well, that's what I mean. Like, what if you look at, like, everything terrible in the country?

It's all guys who, you know, fuddy-duddy guys like this, you know? They're like a drawing of D.B. Cooper from the 50s. And they're like, what if we, could we push Puerto Rican baby heads in when they're born at the hospital? Can we start doing that? Push them back in? Yeah. Speaking of CIA officers, I mean, look at that. Goddamn shark.

Goddamn shark. Goddamn shark attacks goddamn shark attack looking for chum look elsewhere bub look at hey whatever my dad he's looking for the submarine yeah he's gonna eat those billionaires those stupid billionaires what honestly germs what retard they they took like an alienware computer into the ocean. Controlled by like an Ubisoft $30 remote. The software, they downloaded off of LimeWire. Yeah, they're like retards. They stole it. They torrented it. He's like, no, I played

Half-Life on this thing all last night. No lag. We'll be fine. Yeah, the sub crashed because they downloaded porn. It gave them a Trojan horse virus. I am picturing a scientist being like fuck we lost this up but hold on. We haven't been able to find it for days but up up left left

down down B A B right. What's the cheat code for unlimited oxygen. Tell them to eat a big mushroom. They can die. It'll be fine. Where's the health pack?

Damn it. I mean, it's, you know, anyone dying, I guess it's, no, it's very funny.

And I'm glad there was a moment. There was a moment. Cause we're recording this on Thursday. Like the day they're like, they're dead by the way. Like if, so they found debris on the ocean floor. And so that means it like imploded

immediately and as soon as i heard that there was i was like god damn it fuck like i was upset they didn't starve to death and like you know you eat each other yeah yeah you didn't like that they yeah that they just died i loved the idea of a billionaire just covered in shit and pissed just like suffocating at the bottom no a ocean running out of his Tupperware that he brought of human meat and then resorting to like eating the passengers yeah yeah just like having no qualms about it whatsoever he goes well I guess

I'll just do the most dangerous game in here well I think we all liked everyone else kill themselves and I will survive yeah Jace looked into the science of it and it's so funny to me. Somebody was, somebody,

I read this scientist report that like, because it imploded, it's so funny. I mean, they were at like 4,000 meters or something. It happened within

three one hundredths of a second. They went from a submarine to basically a curtain rod in three one hundredths of a second. Well, you said it was the size of a basketball, right? It was the size of a basketball, but it was shaped like a curtain rod.

Oh, okay. And the temperature, the air inside of the sub in those 30 milliseconds was as hot as the surface of the sun. So they basically were liquefied and then turned into like a tube. Oh, my God. In three one-hundredths of a second. Good God. That's great. I know, it really rocks.

It really is like a Tower of Babel. I mean, it's just in reverse. They're going down instead of, but it god that's great man i know it really rocks it really is like a tower of babel i mean it's just in reverse they're going down instead of but yeah it is kind of great that you were just not supposed to be down it's an unavoidable death though ben come on unavoidable the it's gonna happen to anybody i guess hey there but the grace of god go i you know the chinese proverb you hear of someone's story and you laugh, but change the name of the person in the story and it is yours? So too we could spend millions of dollars to go 40,000 leagues under the sea and explode.

Hey, if the dice drops another way, I could be some rich faggot in a tube at the bottom of an ocean. It's just so poetic. They were going to go see other dead people. I know. It's really an affront to God that you're immediately punished for.

Yeah. God was like, no, no more meta shit. That's like God killing the next tour at Auschwitz. He's like, they just all get locked in and gassed. He's like, all right, you were morbid and this is what you get for it. Yeah, exactly. You're all trying to walk around and be like, ooh, chilling. Like you actually give a shit.

Ooh, there's a lot of shoes. Oh, and they're untied. Ooh, spooky. Ooh. Ooh. All right, let's throw a couple of Asics on top of that shoe pile. Justin Bieber there. He's like, am I at the Supreme store?

Yeah, Justin Bieber like, swag for Helen Keller. God damn. Them fucking kicks, bro. No. I mean, it's so funny. And like every quote by the CEO, too, was like... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm just thinking

of some guy seeing the pile of shoes and being like, damn, they really scuffed their kicks up like that, though. Ah, shit. They creased their shits? Damn. Do you tell me they stole their grills and creased their shits? Damn. Do you tell me they stole their grills and creased their shits? Damn.

Sorry, but just... Please go on. I do have a black guy at Doc now. A kid at Doc now. He goes, what are those? Oh, that fucking me. Yeah, the damn Daniel guys there. Damn Daniel.

Damn Daniel with the child shoes oh hell yeah yeah but yeah i was gonna say it was very funny also they're like every quote from the guy who designed the thing he was driving it they're like yeah three weeks ago he said i swear to god we will not get crushed to death in this submarine it was like you know it's it's they always will that into being yeah uh he it was controlled by like one button too i think yeah there's one button inside the thing he's like this actually makes it implode when we push this it didn't even look like there was windows on the fucking thing so they i think they were gonna look at the titanic through video camera on like a screen i don't even think they had like cool

there was one there was one porthole but it was like the size of like this coffee yeah so like what's even you're going down there just to get footage up just watch titanic yeah fucking retards watch the making of titanic documentary yeah where james cameron goes down didn't he go down there you know what's funny i didn't i didn't realize this this story went viral this week too james cameron went to the titanic and he ate lunch on the submarine on the titanic and then they came back up in 9 11 it happened so he he literally it's james cameron coming up he's like i'm the greatest man who's ever lived this feed will be talked about for centuries and they're like and it's bill paxton go like james a a bunch of Arabs blew up the Twin Towers.

And Cameron's like, huh? Huh. Well. You're telling me Navi did this? I'm still king of the world. Yeah, you can literally see James Cameron be like, ah, I'm very upset about this. Yeah. I'm pretending I give a shit at all. That's awesome.

Considering I just did something that two people in the history of the world have done. He must feel like God when he puts on that Terminator theme where it's like... Oh, yeah. I bet he fucks on fucking... I bet he smokes fucking PCP

and puts that on and fucks nine bitches at the same time. It's fucking shaking as Hollywood Hills Home. It's fucking vibrating down the hills and slides over LA and kills everybody. He probably invites a bunch of meth heads over like Jesse Pinkman. They trash the place.

They all smoke meth and he's like, suck me soft. I'm not going to get hard, bitch. Suck me soft. Holding a gun on him. He's like, I've been to the fucking bottom of the ocean bitch suck me it's not getting hard i smoke too much crystal guys like that sex must just be like breathing to the it means nothing i mean it's fucking nothing yeah i think james cameron doesn't even give a shit about sex at all no yeah he's he spent so much time in these inner worlds of like

blue aliens fucking each other and i've never seen the movies i don't really know what happened he's fucked so many women that he has to imagine like what if there was like nine foot tall blue women i could fuck yeah yeah yeah and i fucked by sticking my dick in their hair he's trying to create new fuckable creatures because he's just right he's over life but then he designed him like james this is just black people right? That you designed. This is like very black people coded. They have braids and stuff. Yeah I mean. Played by Zoe

Saldana. Yeah. They were pretty much Native Americans in Avatar right? But pretty much like any oppressed group. Native, African, yeah that type of thing. Sure, sure, sure. By the way if aliens are really here they better watch their holes because as soon as those motherfuckers land every billionaire is trying to gonna try to get his hands on one

and they're gonna fuck it oh yeah aliens landed bring one to me and let me fuck it oh yeah every billionaire is gonna just throw their kid away if aliens land jeff bezos like does it have an ass does it have something i can stick my dick in? Can I fuck its titties? He already looks like he's married to an alien. He does. That bitch is disgusting. That bitch looks like a fucking cat. The luckiest.

Who are you guys talking about? James. Is he ugly? Jeff Bezos. Bezos' new girlfriend. Lauren Sanchez. Oh, she's like super buff. She's just got these bolt-on tits.

She looks like a fucking creature. It looks like a fucking creature. It looks like a Rock'em Sock'em... What's the guy? The robots. The red and the blue robot. Rock'em Sock'em robots. Yeah, it looks like that shit. She looks like her face has been carved

to eat out of holes in the ground. It's gone to a cone shape. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, she used to fuck the NFL player. Sanchez. Mark Sanchez? Yeah, like... No, no fucking the NFL player, Sanchez. Mark Sanchez? Yeah. No, no, no.

Not Mark Sanchez. Or no, Tony Gonzalez. She used to fuck Tony Gonzalez. Oh, wow. The like six foot seven tight end. God damn, really? Like greatest tight end of all time. Yeah, great tight end.

And so Jeff Bezos went on vacation with her and he invited Tony Gonzalez on the vacationalez on the vacation you think they fucked her at the same time i think he's into some weird maybe maybe type shit but then you know jeff at some point says really corny shit he's like you know you're you're a better tight end you're better you know yeah tony you're better at uh football than you are fucking turning my wife's pussy inside out. He laughed like that, that he sprinkled children's blood on his fucking spaghetti. Anyway, do that thing where you prolapse her uterus.

Pull it out and let me hold it in my hands like a squid. I'm going to fly to space so I can fuck a kid because there's no laws there once you're outside the Earth's surface. Dude, if aliens land, though, sex trafficking and kid fucking will end. That economy of child sex trafficking, it will bottom out immediately.

Everybody will just want to have sex with aliens. We'll sell them into sexual slavery. That's all they're going to be. I would love if we just got like 150 aliens and they were just auctioning them at Sotheby's to the highest bidder. It's like 12 years of slavery. Yeah, at Sotheby's something because they're like we've studied

the aliens we figured out their pussies are way tighter and way wetter than human pussies can ever get people just like one four billion up dude if people like if they start abducting people people would be like i didn't sucked up and just jacking off as they get sucked up in the ufo beam yeah because they're just circling like they just can't wait to fuck one of them. Turning around in air. Be like, dude, it's garbage. Dude, suck this, dude. Alien bitch.

Looking down at everybody. Yeah. Like, yeah, I'm going to get the fuck up. I would love the guy who gets abducted, like the farmer who gets abducted by aliens and they're probing him and he just starts jacking off. He's like, well, fucking, I'm going to fucking enjoy this too. And then they throw him back down in the corn and he's like oh he's like you don't understand they had huge tits and big ass they all look like cardi b it was sick he's like they fucking probed my shit i

fucking came so hard it was sick a farmer saying it was sick. Dude, I want to go back. Let me go back. Yeah, he's on Rogan with Bob Lazor just being like, I told you they had sweet big titties. He's like, dude, I'm tired. This is top shell pussy, dude. Dude, they sucked my dick so hard, cum didn't even touch the walls of my dick when it came out. Dude, nothing but neck. Dude, it looked like the Batmobile coming out of the cave. Just didn't even touch the sides, brother.

I'm talking sucking so good, your ball. I mean, it's just a continuation to cum. Because the orgasms, it's like a link of DNA. They just continue. Like a Gatling gun. They suck me so hard, my balls collapsed. Like that submarine that we are talking about. He just keeps saying things.

Joe says nothing for three hours. Joe just put his headphones on the mic. He's like, you mind? I'm going to jerk off. Look at me. I'm jerking off on JRE. Young Jamie has to stay, though. Yeah, the JOI experience.

Yeah, there we go. Isn't that what it's called? Jerk off instructions. Yeah, yeah. Very good. all these footage of aliens sucks i didn't even i saw some tweets about that but what even was that the vegas these is it's just these dumb people in vegas they're like look it's like it's there's like a forklift in their backyard and a green light and i know they're like it's an alien look it's a weird head it looked like absolutely nothing to me but then the cop showed up they're like we don't know what that's a weird head it looked like absolutely nothing to me but then the cops showed up they were like

we don't know what that is don't even talk to us we don't want to come they were like joking but they were like what the fuck is that but still there's no fucking footage of it

did they say one crashed a forklift or something like it got on a forklift and it ran and like crashed into a building they act like it's the

what was that movie with the alien in the RV you know the stupid one we had it Paul oh with the Simonon pig don't disparage the good name of simon pig and i crossed relax good movie i'm just saying yeah i never thought like what if an alien smoked weed before i saw that yeah no actually it sucked ass uh by the way uh oh fuck i was gonna say something oh well here so here's the unfortunate thing about

alien sightings it's never like some french literary professor who walks on the balcony of his chateau and says oh look and then has a perfect like a person he's been trained in cinematography and like adapts the aperture and the the iso and everything to actually make it clear yeah and actually captures a ufo and is intelligible and can talk about it. They're never like Kofi Annan has spotted a UFO outside the UN. Yeah. It's always a guy with no legs. Or just average people that maybe they don't have a reason to believe in aliens, but they're

just like looking for something that is different in the sky. Some guy from the Midwest, he saw a somalian dude for the first time he's like that's an alien they never lead with like how if like i saw something that i couldn't explain they never lead in a way where it's like it seems like where i would just be like dude i'm not i've never believed in aliens i don't they never say that it's always just like they always just act like it's just the thing that we all are eventually gonna see because if you actually saw the ends you'd be like, listen, I know. I know I sound like an idiot. I'm not

this fucking guy. I've never been this guy. Alien came down and it sucked me off. Swear to God. And I loved it. And I fucking loved it. I can't even fuck my wife anymore because that alien ruined my fucking life. Fucking power-bottomed my cock so hard.

I can't even look at my dumb fat whore wife he goes i'm not this guy i'm not that guy i don't know if the alien was a woman i don't know if it was a man pretty sure it had a pussy yeah regardless it sucked me off yeah i don't know like if there if there are like really aliens like why are they like you know why are they so bashful yeah they're such losers why Why are they cock-teasing us? Shit or get off the pot. Get in here. Either kill all of us or leave.

Please take us out of our misery already. That would be great. It could just be the Antichrist. This is the end of Aeon and the Antichrist is coming. It's the end of the world because of astrological signs and stuff. It might be the end of everything. The Legion of Angels are coming to check everything out before like the four horses descend and stuff if there was the an antichrist was really be like wary the cable

guy or something like he'd get elected he'd get elected president he'd be like guess all the non-believers and he'd be like you're gonna get a digital print stamped on your arm so we can identify okay first thing's fucking last everybody's getting a prilosec otc tattoo on their back everybody's now property of prilosec otc that's the sign of the beast isn't he a spokesperson for prilosec otc yeah he is it's a heartburn medication i think it's literally like they're like does pepto-bismol not work for you yeah yeah yeah it's those people it's those commercials where they're like hey you've been drinking too much chili they're like do you have stomach pain they're like have you been giving yourself colon cancer but you refuse to stop well there's this

drug that basically fucking chokes out your small intestine so you don't feel it anymore it's guys that gave themselves mesothelioma from eating too many hot dogs. Like something doctors didn't even know we could... They didn't even know you could alter your DNA in that way. Guys who... Drinking Pepto-Bismol, it's like vegetables for them. Yeah, yeah.

They're like, it's not chili, so it's gross. No, that Pepto's that gay shit. Yeah, so they have to take a Prilosec pill and roll it up in cheese and eat it like a dog. In government cheese. Just roll it up. Larry takes it. If Larry takes it,

it's getting that flirty. Larry takes it and he's a cable guy. What's funny about Larry the Cable Guy is like no one really even has cable anymore. Like it's not a thing.

No, I know. So it's like being Larry the 8-track guy. He's called Larry the Rable Guy is like no one really even has cable anymore like it's not a thing no I know so it's like being Larry the 8 track guy he's called Larry the Roku retard up to his day yeah Larry the Amazon

fire stick faggot yeah doing updated jokes where he's like I was on that TikTok I thought that's what they speak in Uganda yeah I was trying to jack off to the kids

on the TikTok I was trying to jack off to the kids on the TikTok. I was trying to jack off to underage kids on TikTok because the algorithm shows them a lot for some reason. Is he still going strong or is that kind of over? Well, he was in like an Aunt Medea movie and stuff about, and they really got to the bottom of like the meaning of Christmas, I feel like. And racism. Yeah.

Yeah. And interracial marriage. Really? It's a great movie. Yeah, it was like a- Aunt Medea's last holiday or something. Yeah, it's a great movie yeah it was like uh it was like medea's last holiday or something yeah it's like if medea did like guess who's coming to dinner and larry the cable guy is the spencer tracy of the movie right and he's like no cinemons marrying a medea he's weird because everything's so retarded you're like okay larry the cable guy

is like he's like the sage archetype of it he's like the wise old man i guess he's like the voice of reason and he's actually he's actually not the racist one no he comes in and he's like the big voice of reason you're like all right i guess you know in the land of the blind the man with one eye is king because everybody's just completely retarded that's how much tyler perry hates black people he's like i'm gonna make an interracial movie and Larry the Cable Guy is the voice of reason. And Madea's going like, you're not going to get that white dick

from no white devil. She's like, mom, I'm in love. And Tyler Perry's just like the Uncle Ruckus of real life. Do the Madea movies have any value? Because somebody once corrected me and acted like I was being an asshole

or wrong. And they were like, they're actually hilarious and great. And like i i just feel like i feel like gun to my head right did that person have a big bandage over their face say no yeah i'm uh when i watch them i'm laughing like at the idea of it i'm not laughing with the movie i'm like laughing okay like i'm viewing it through many layers and levels and like lenses of like irony the way i when i see the towers fall with 9-11 i start laughing too that's not necessarily funny neither is am but i do like when she like drives through fast food like she she like uh they're

like out of egg at a and she's in line to get a fast food sandwich at a breakfast place and the lady on the other end is like we had an egg and you just cracked up and Medea goes I had an egg the lady on the intercom was black wait wait for this she's black

she's a black lady she has big nails the visor she's not having it today she's not doing lady. She has big nails. The visor. And she is not having it today. She is not doing her job. So then she says, we add an A. And you just fall over. In proper English. Yeah.

They're not educated. Ben's at the DMV. Ben's at the DMV, crip cracking up, like on the ground, holding his belly. I'm asking the lady Trying to help me I'm like please Stop doing your Amadea impression

Please stop This is so funny She's like I'm just A normal black woman Doing her job I just need to see Your license I literally said

Can I see your license And you started Hooting and hollering At a cop I'm like Woo Oh fuck Oh man But she just goes We had an egg and horror I'm like woo oh fuck but she just goes

we had an egg and Amadea goes oh hell no you ain't gonna you ain't had an egg and she for some reason she like drives around

because the lady's like she's like they're both no nonsense so it's like when an unstoppable force meets you know Amadea right right

so then she's like oh hell no force meets, you know, right. Right. Right. So then she's like, oh, hell no. And then she she whips around and then she drives the car through the windows of the fast food restaurant and like runs over people and gets out and climbs over the counter just starts beating the shit out of her. She's like a domestic terrorist. She's like ISIS. That actually sounds like really funny. And I'm like domestic terrorist. She's like ISIS. That actually sounds like really funny.

And I'm like, yeah, this is kind of great actually. It just, the one in one of Tyler Perry and Amity is very funny to me where he's like,

as soon as he's like, the studio's for black films, we need to cultivate black art. He's like, excuse me. And he puts on a dress. He's like, oh yeah,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, Yeah, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. He acts like Alfred Hitchcock. I know. Yeah, and then he puts this in, and he's like, and the African-American race shall prevail, and we will rise again.

It's very interesting, because he's a very talented, he's an excellent actor, actually, in the David Fincher film. Gone Girl. Gone Girl. He's very good. Yeah.

He actually wrote a few Broadway plays that I believe made it to either off-Broadway, or in his early 20s, actually. He was Broadway plays that I believe made it to either off Broadway or in his early 20s he was doing plays in Atlanta and his play got seen by Oprah Winfrey what was the play called Mammy Whammy Jammy yeah it was called Space Jam 2

gay Space Jam there's gotta be black people that are upset with Tyler Perry I don't think so I think they like it I asked Ben I'm like hmm Ben's like let me poll I think there's a lot of

black people who do not like Tyler Perry historically he's a black guy in a dress I feel like black like a lot of black intellectuals are sophisticated would probably be like you're like hurting yeah do you think like do you think like cornell west and dick gregor at a medea movie and they're like ah brother brother tyler yeah i don't

know i don't know then again who knows maybe they would i like to think martin luther king would have loved the films and would be an executive producer on all of them if you were alive today yeah that's probably true i'm not one to talk because I've never seen them, but the trailers should be banned. No, no, no. The trailers are insanely racist. They're one step above the Laquisha trailer. It really feels like

a fake trailer in Tropic Thunder. Like every movie. Let me clarify something for Devin real quick. They're artistically worthless. But here's what's kind of fun about it. Well, I didn't think he was building the fucking Sistine Chapel. What's great is he's a billionaire.

He has a private airstrip like in his backyard. He's so fucking just rich, right? Yeah. He bought his own town. They create them all in his own town. Oh, really? Yeah, he created his own studio

outside of the town. He has an entire town. Like a $100 million studio town. Yeah, it's a whole town so he's so rich he doesn't worst movies of all time that's what's great is he doesn't give a shit so watching his movies he he just one takes everything just he goes fuck it so when you watch you see them fucking up lines and like she looks into it's i've seen shots where she's just like looking to the camera i'm sorry he is looking at the camera. I'm sorry.

He shoots him like Clint Eastwood where he's like, okay, go. We're doing one take, one take only. One take and one take only. Interesting. But I mean, yeah. But I do like, I don't know. I mean, he is a billionaire, but he still puts on that suit with the big basketballs for titties and stuff. Like, I don't know.

He's sitting down and doing makeup. That's kind of work, right? Oh, yeah. I'm not saying he doesn't have an ethic. A work ethic. A work ethic. He works his ass off. Yeah. I mean, good for him. I don't know.

I'll say this. People act like Tarantino's so great. He's only made like nine movies. That's true. There's like 45 Ant-Mania movies. He could be making 45 movies a year. I do wish Tarantino made like a movie a year. I don't like this every five years. Tarantino uses the N word more. That's 100%

true. And he has much more artistic black characters in his film than a Medea movie. Me and Devin were talking about a sketch idea. Can I say this? Because we are going to make it.vin were talking about a sketch idea can I say this or no because we are going to make it it was a really dumb idea I had

you guys will meet and then you're like alright we came up with a great sketch idea we shoot a Mexican person well the original like breast sketch that we did I was supposed to be like I was supposed to reveal that I was a neo-nazi I was hoarding all the titty meat. Because that was Hitler's mission.

He was an ass man. He was trying to take all the titty meat out. You guys rode into the night and then I came in the next night and I'm like, alright, we're going to cut the Nazi stuff. We've been burning the midnight oil. We got gold. Liquid gold here. It's like a 45 page script. You slam it down. I'm like, okay, so we're

Hitler for tits? I already forgot. It was still very funny, but it was... I already forgot what you were... What was my stupid Tarantino? We were talking about how like a guy... A guy like, let's say he is a... You know these people,

they always try to get their chance to like hand a script. They see like a famous person, they try to hand them their script that they wrote for them. So he runs into Tarantino and he hand him their script that they wrote. Sure. He runs into Tarantino and he slips him his script and it's just the N-word over and over again for hundreds of pages.

Like The Shining. He's in The Shining just flipping and it's just the N-word. But he's smiling. He's like, do you like it? By the way, clearly the role is for Samuel Jackson. Clearly.

Oh, and then out of nowhere, in the middle, there's just a big scene where he's licking somebody's feet. Yeah, your script idea is just the inward grin on a foot. You show it to Tarantino. His huge baby head explodes. Yeah, that gets even larger He goes This isn't a script okay

It's just not really a script It's not a script I want to come to it Really hard okay I'm gonna keep this And jack off to it later But it's just It's not a script

It's not a script okay Alright I never even thought about Making the N word out of feed And jacking off to it okay Shout out to him For dropping soft A In so many interviews, by the way,

and talking like a black guy, which we talked about before on the show. Nothing better than Quentin on the Django Unchained press tour. Just him showing up to Conan with a boom box on his shoulder. Unbelievable, like Radio Raheem. With a Kangol hat on.

Yeah, putting the Kangol hat on like it's a military helmet. With a B, with a B, David Letterman. With a B player. With a B cap. Yeah, we want to dip cool cap. Yeah. Tarantino challenging Conan to a dice game.

You're like, what is going on? Just dressing like fucking Charlesingus or some shit yeah he he uh fucking rules though i love him i love him so much and i can't wait for the critic and i told you guys my theory for the critic is what it's actually i'm pretty sure because he called paul schrader and i don't think paul schrader was supposed to go to the press about this but i mean he's literally like yeah why are you telling a secret to Paul Schrader? Paul Schrader, for everyone who doesn't know, he wrote Taxi Driver. He wrote First Reformed

and directed it. If Tarantino told Paul Schrader anything about his movie, that means everyone at the Casino Morongo knows about what the critic is about. Schrader's just going to a poker game he's about to get kicked out of. For everyone that doesn't know about Paul Schrader, he gets thrown out of celebrity poker games. No one him at all he's one of our greatest artistic minds

to why everyone hates him he's one of our greatest artistic minds and he treats facebook like a diary because like 80 people follow him on facebook and they'll just be like got thrown out of another poker game for saying the host wife had huge knockers and then he's like and then paul Dano threw me out of his house. Yeah. Paul Dano. Like, literally, like, Paul Dano. It was Paul Dano.

Yeah, like, they banned him from some Zoom thing they were in with him during quarantine. They were playing, like, a Zoom... Playing poker. They were doing, like, a Zoom poker game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Paul Dano, he says, he's like, yeah, Paul Dano blocked me, and he's not letting me...

Like, they kicked him out of the Zoom, and then they blocked him. He's literally, like, behind his, like, laptop, which, you know, he owns like a Chromebook that costs one hundred dollars. He just lean. He's like, he's like, oh, who's that lady in the back with the big tits? It's like horror.

I mean, he looks like he looks like a human pug. Yeah, he does. But I I'm pretty sure. So what's interesting rules? Yeah, dude, he's the fucking, he's the best. But what's really great is we had just watched Rolling Thunder, which was a movie that he wrote about at the time of Taxi Driver. Holy shit, he looks like he lives in an aquarium.

He looks like he does look like you scrape barnacles off of him. Yeah, he looks like he gets fed by a guy in an oxygen tank. He looks like his floors are covered in sawdust. And he has a big wheel that he gets in every night. Right. Oh, I love him so much. Yeah. But my man cleans up nice.

Oh, hell yeah. Look at that. Big black glasses. Cleans up nice. So the thing about Paul Schrader is there's that big uh i'm not gonna spoil the movie for anybody but there was a big epic shootout scene at the end which we watched that's crazy rolling thunder and awesome and rolling thunder from 1977 and tarantino called him apparently and said hey do you mind if i remake that scene like shot for shot pretty much he goes yeah

because quentin's a huge fan of paul schrader's and he said yeah sure and then paul schrader went and told the press about that but tarantino's filming his last movie called the critic what's interesting about that uh paul schrader was a film critic who became a movie maker so i'm wondering and he wrote taxi driver because he thought he might turn into travis bickle and he wrote that character to get out of him i wonder if he's writing some kind of guy who's obsessed with hollywood in the 1970s that becomes a travis pickle guy and it's called the critic yeah he's gonna the kind of guy who's obsessed with Hollywood in the 1970s that becomes a Travis Bickle guy. And it's called The Critic. Yeah, he's going to the end of it.

Let's let's throw bets in the end of this movie. The Critic. I don't know who's going to play him, but he's going to shoot up a bunch. He's going to shoot up a celebrity party. Yeah, that's dude. And it would. Oh, that would be great. That's what he's going to do.

It was like every big celebrity. It's like, yeah, like Robert Mitchum. That hates him because he was honest about their movie sucking or whatever and now he's been blackballed he's gonna go to the party and he's gonna light it up because Tarantino's on that revisionist he loves revisionist stuff so it'd be like Hitler, Charles Manson yeah it would be the ultimate period to his career

like I'm gonna kill every film that came before me or he's at the Oscars and he kills everybody like in Inglourious Bastards hopefully everyone dies oh I hope he shoots up the oscars that would be great he goes to the dolby theater with a flamethrower yeah amazing you just see robert redford's head exploding yeah uh if i think i might have ruined like the movie for i i fucking spurged out and i dude it's my philip k dick moment where i'm like i'm the pink

beam is shooting into me and i'm like vibrating and I'm seeing Tarantino's last movie because he didn't... Go and Google that so you get that reference real quick. Yeah, Philip K. Dick, he's a sci-fi writer who claimed to be hit with a pink beam and he saw the secrets of the universe and all the Jesus Christs and stuff. Yeah, he's fully a genius, but he was a schizophrenic. Yeah, he smoked crack, but...

Philip K. Dick? Yeah, he smoked crack, okay dick yeah he smoked crack but uh uh that was what his middle name i don't his name's gay so it's philip crack he's the greatest sci-fi writer of all time i read his books devin and uh for your information they suck they're actually bad he didn't like edit them so like you you read the because he wrote blade runner uh uh do android's dream of electric sheep which became blade runner if you read the because he wrote Blade Runner. Do androids dream of electric sheep, which became Blade Runner. If you read that book, you go, yeah, Blade Runner is way better. And also like there's like fucking typos in this book.

And like it's written like shit. You're like, well, he's just on meth, just typing as fast as possible. Right. You're like Blade Runner is way better. And Blade Runner also sucks. Blade Runner does suck. It sucks. I mean, it looks amazing.

But the movie itself is a snooze fest. Yeah, I don't care. So here's what I'm trying to say to stay on track here. Tarantino, he made his ninth movie, right? Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which is about his love for Hollywood. But then his tenth and final film is going to be about him and his hatred for Hollywood. Because what was he first before he was a filmmaker? He was more of a critic than anything.

And I think he might identify with Paul Schrader there. God damn it, Ben. You're good. That actually is genius. It's a love and hate to end his career. By the way, I only pieced all this together because Paul Schrader can't keep his fucking mouth shut. Paul Schrader almost died.

He had to wear an eye patch on the set of his last movie he did. He got COVID like 14 times in three days. He's so unhealthy, he's turning into a pirate. He has like a peg leg and a hook for a hand. He keeps getting bit by rats. Carry old diseases. He's on like seven oxygen machines,

and he's still making movies somehow. He's this huge Jabba the Hutt bullfrog guy who loves Facebook. He's not aware that the internet is like for it's for the entire world so he just posts anything he wants he doesn't get how it works yeah he thinks it's his personal journal he thinks he's texting a friend he literally like posts on facebook like jack and my hog right now and it gets like three likes but he doesn't know that gets screenshot and posted to twitter and it gets like 40,000 retweets. Well, he has the best quote ever on Facebook.

Yes. It's like, I enter this world unwashed and what is it? Unloved. Yeah, yeah. Disrespected. I enter this world. I entered this world. Fuck.

What is it exactly? I enter this world unwashed. They disrespect me and despise my values. I'm looking it up now so i can get it he has so many great tweets though so many great facebook posts yeah uh here it is ben um i enter unwashed in a world into a world that disrespects me and despises my values yeah yeah this is it i mean that's awesome i want to like print that out and like hang it in my home yeah i mean i feel like if you boiled all this down to like one statement it would be that yeah if you hate

humanity you post this in your house like mac miller posted like the tweet of like jay-z talking about him this is that would be our version we post i know because i mean like our podcast is like literally us being like i don't even understand the world people existence that should be our new bio honestly yeah yeah it should be the new york times their fucking silly little gag that we had we came up with it in your back yeah it should be let's just make it that paul schrader quote i'll get on it step on it then chop chop yeah by the way i was gonna say you know tarantino says this is his last movie but there's no i if this is his last movie i'm gonna fucking i'm gonna take to the streets he's he's like me he's just gonna be writing books

i guarantee you no run-on sentence books i read his fucking once about a time in hollywood book it's just never ending devon they're called polysyndetons it's a reference to the king james bible it's where you use and and and just stop with the fucking we don't need so many words to explain what words mean fucking fruits just be better with words that you don't need all that yeah yeah no but it's like the king james bible which sucks by the way which is boring as shit and sucks yeah me reading the bible at 12 being like cringe you get to jesus wept and you're like, wow, cringe. Cringe.

Cringe and gay. Well, actually, kind of pathetic. It's kind of pathetic. He cried in a garden. Wow. Wow. You're telling me letting a man nail you to wood? Gay.

You're telling me right now for the first time. Yeah. He died for my sins? Wow. I didn't know that i'm just now hearing about that hey hey jesus no one asked move it along yeah owned jesus just got a huge fair sorry devon but you hate books no i don't hate books but i don't read but you hated quentin tarantino's book even though you love tarantino i love tarantino i got his book

and uh i read the first you know few pages and I'm like, just make a fucking movie, asshole. It's too screenplay. It's all descriptions, and it just keeps going, run on sentences. He's a writer for the screen. He needs to be thinking of how to make it. That's why his movies kick ass, but I don't want to read a book by him. What are you talking about, asshole? Martin Scorsese is still

killing it. Why does he keep pretending he'll get corny or bad? No, you won't. You'll get better and better and better. I don't know. That really depresses me if he actually stops. I guarantee you we're going to be 42 years old and we're going to go see the new...

He's gonna like... He'll come back. He'll come back and be like, ah, no one will listen to me say the N-word and pontificate about a movie from 1962, a Roger Corman movie that nobody gives a shit about.

Yeah. And has no redeeming quality. But he just wants to go on podcasts and be like, oh, you never saw The Haunting of Gay House? Like that... And then Eli Roth's like,

is it good he's like no it's a piece of shit but they're just one fucking scene man we're like yeah yeah i think it if he does do that and comes back it's gonna be like how i'm like oh joe pesci's back and he's in a show with pete davidson yeah great that's so he's gonna come back and quentin's like i wanted to i wanted to make dirty work too. Yeah. Yeah. I would actually love that. Yeah, that would gotta be good.

Okay. How about he made a, yeah, yeah. Well, what if he remade dirty work like scene for scene? You'd be like, this is bad.

Okay. I guess it would kind of rule them out. Think about it. You are right though. But he will cast Josh Gad as Chris Farley. That'll never,

that'll never happen. So you're saying if he does come back, it would, he would ruin everything and he would do something we all hate where he's like, bad baby is the star of my new movie.

Yeah, he would make these... I was fucking inspired by the fucking Emoji movie. Yeah, yeah. And I wanted to write a fucking movie like Pulp Fiction, but with emojis. Yeah. Because he went to Israel

and they fried his brain and then they sent him back over here. He lives in Israel with his Israel wife. Yeah, he is a big Israel guy now. Yeah, and he has an Israeli daughter, so I don't know what's going on with that. That is right. He's a big Israeli guy.

Yeah, cringe. So I don't know what's going on with that. Don't get that. Yeah, he lives in Tel Aviv, so yeah, I think I've said enough. Yeah. Yeah, we all know Israel's cringe. Someone, someone by the way someone asked me on the live stream they go if you had to nuke a single place on earth what would you nuke i'm like israel for sure i'm like i'm sick of people talking to me and i was like wait what

am i saying that's crazy that's the craziest you just said it again kanye if you said that to kanye west you'd be like all right let right, let's think about public relations. But here is the thing. You're going to make it worse. They're Jews. Okay, so here's the thing. In this hypothetical, you have to drop a nuclear bomb somewhere

on a civilization. You can't drop it in the ocean. So if you had to drop it nuclear bomb somewhere on a civilization. You can't drop it in the ocean. So if you had to drop it on a place, where would you drop it? I would drop it on a very lowly populated, shitty place. White? Is it white? Are you going to say white?

Interesting. Yeah, I'd drop it on fucking Victorville. Oh, in California? Court site. Dude, I hate Victorville. I like these places. it on fucking like fucking victorville oh in california court site dude i hate victor yeah a missing burger king would be lost i guess dude if we not if we knew to palmdale that would be awesome yeah i would have dropped it on an entire fucking country yeah i would it would be i get the job like it'd be funny to drop out in Israel to be like, yeah, you all made your own country and then we still got you.

I'm sick of everybody fighting over it. I am. It's like when all the kids are fighting over the video game. You go, fine. Then no one plays. Yeah, that's true. You take the Xbox and you put it in the closet. And then you kill all the children.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They are bullies. Israel's a bully. USA's big devil. Israel's little devil. That's what a guy told me in Europe.

That's what I think. If you had to drop it someplace, where would you drop it? Boston, probably. Just so I could stop hearing podcasts about Boston in the 80s. Just so I can stop hearing podcasts about Boston in the 80s. About how killer this comedy scene was. Yeah.

And in retrospect, it was just guys on coke yelling at Chinese people. Yeah, yeah. And you want to go like, let's clarify everything here. Stephen Wright was very talented, and that was kind of it. And you also had Louis was starting. Stop acting like everybody. Every comedy podcast is like, dude, the 80s in boston was crazy you remember racist dave he he went up one time he went up at that at the chinese chuckle hut you remember that off fairfax uh-huh right the coffee connection the coffee connection he went up and he fucking took a knife and he cut

a chinese guy's head off and we were all like like dude, no one's going to top racist Dave. And then the other comics like what happened? And he's like, oh, he did a bunch of coke and he killed himself in a child hooker in Tampa while he was at the Funny Bone. And you're like, yes, I've heard the story about racist Dave killed himself at the Funny Bone. Yes,

I get it. Enough about Kevin Meaney stories. I don't need to hear about Kevin Meaney anymore.. I don't need to hear about Kevin Meaney anymore. So I nuke Boston. What does Kevin mean? He's like, I'm okay. What is the thing he did? He's like, we're the big pants people.

I'm okay. I'm okay. So here's the other thing, too, when people go, they're like, Barry Crimmins was a genius. I'm like, what is your favorite thing? He gave a great speech at the ACLU. No, you don't get it. One time, he got fucked. Yeah, he got molested.

He got fucked. Barry Kerman's kicked ass, actually. No, no, no, he did, but everybody that loves him, they can never name a bit. They're just like, no, he got molested, and that's awesome. But that's also what comedians love to do about anybody that actually cared about life on Earth. They write y'all.

Barry Kerman, he had good jokes. He had like Bill Hicks kind of level. I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah. But like, yeah, but comedians never talk, they don't talk about him

because they're like, I don't know, he was like trying to like save people. He didn't do a podcast. Barry Kurman's never moved to Austin, so. By the way,

they probably all thought Stephen Wright was a huge F.A.G. back then. There's no way any of them liked him. Yeah. At all. They probably thought Stephen Wright was a huge F.A.G. back then. There's no way any of them liked him at all. They probably thought he was a fucking weirdo. He was the only guy doing comedy like that. By the way, this is turning into us actually talking about it.

Now we're doing it. I was just saying, I also keep having to visit Boston because I keep flying out to the Northeast. I hate the city so much. What do you hate about it? Just the people that exist there. It's cool because they's like it's cool because they're like uh you know a pilgrim was here and then it's a guy who legitimately looks like chris griffin going like this is the most garbage retarded people that chris griffin guy thinks he's an mit genius yeah it's guys who look like wc looks. Fields. Their nose looks like, yeah, like it's as red

as a clown nose. Yeah. And they just walk around, they go, Charleston, Newton, South Boston, North Boston. When I do meet people from Boston, by the way, since Harvard is there, they think they're also by proxy. New Yorkers do it too, where they think they're an incredibly

cultured person because the city itself is cultured. Yeah, they moved there to adopt the city's history as their own. So they think if they're from Boston and since Harvard is there, then they... But it's like, who's at fucking Harvard? It's not people that were born... It's fucking Chinese people.

What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Oh, Gracie's walking your light with her fat ass. Gracie, get out of here. Get back to Magic City, bitch. That's what pisses me off about... Gracie should be giving fucking quavo a lap

dance um gracie but that's what i hate about the city it's just people being like fucking bought with boston baby it's like what do you do it's like larry burr baby yeah there's not much that guy named his band after us yeah you ever hear that? It's like, yeah, all those guys left your stupid city the minute they were famous. It's a weird city because they have a big ego, but everyone's suffering an incredible secret tragedy. Everyone has been through... There's a dark cloud hanging over Boston.

I mean, I don't know. It's based on movies, but... You can feel a dark energy when you're there. It's like racism is crushing the whole city. Everyone, their kids were kidnapped by a priest and raped. And they're all fat retards. They killed their family in a house fire. They're going through the mourning process.

They used to rob banks. It's a lot of molestation, bank robbings, and home fires. You ask people, what did Boston create? It's like we invented being racist and being a pedophile at the same time nobody did both no one did both and we're so unhealthy as a city we blew up our own marathon

you know Cardinal Mahoney never even fought black kids so just keep that in mind next time you lambast him oh me? I just have a drinking problem and I hit my wife but I'm that's just Boston baby close the barn door I just have a drinking problem and I hit my wife but that's just Boston baby. Close the barn door. I'm fucking a kid in here. Boston.

Boston. They are responsible for the greatest video I've ever seen on Twitter though. That is true. That is the funniest thing that's happened in Boston. That is the greatest encapsulation of a city I've ever seen. That guy in the pandemic walking by that bar

and he's filming it and he's laughing and they're like yeah fucking hilarious huh and then that other guy is like why ya mother

yeah that makes me laugh just thinking about it that is the greatest thing Boston has done the best shit ever and I mean they create great politicians

that love to get killed. What would I type in for that? I bookmarked it on my Twitter. Type in Boston COVID bar. It's not going to be on YouTube. It's this one guy on Twitter. You're not going to find it.

It's like Moshito Dorito on Twitter. He actually follows me. He's a cool dude. It's amazing. Your mother. Your mother. Fuck your mother. And then the guy just goes like, fucking faggot.

Ben, Ben. Okay, I got it. Ben, I got it. Type into Google. Type in Boston Bar COVID video into Google and it'll be the first result on twitter yeah hell yeah brother this guy's really cool he does good videos too okay let me drag this onto the big guy oh nice now we're cooking with gas this guy looks like if john like

like was good at fucking it He would look like this guy. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious, right? The bar's full. It's fucking hilarious. Oh, there you go. Oh, my God. That's great. That guy laughing at the end. That's great.

Dude, that's the... You couldn't choreograph that if you were making a show. Like, that's the best. Also, you couldn't choreograph that if you were making a show. That's the best. Also, I gotta say, the guy in the blue jacket

is killing it with his awareness of the situation. Yeah, he's very aware. I know this guy on Twitter is a

funny guy or whatever, but yeah, the guy in the blue jacket, he's drunk, he's with his Boston friends,

he goes, what are you, some hipster fuck? You think it's funny? Yeah, it's ironic. People enjoying themselves at a bar fuck you faggot like it's so it's so fun oh it's purified it's a sit it's like that oh my god those guys should be made of like brick

that's like city they should build a statue out of outside the garden of that guy yeah yeah fuck paul revere and all those people by the way they go they go you want to see they go you want to see paul revere's house and then you it's like well no not really i don't really give a shit about that because he rode a horse because he rode a horse oh the british are coming he's a fucking rat let it be fair game let the british come because as you do all that i've done that stuff too like i've been in new orleans Orleans. You want to see where William Faulkner wrote The Gay and the Retarded?

You're like, sure, that sounds great. And then you go in there like, here it is. It's a room in a house. Do you have any Faulkner stuff? They're like, nope. He was here. Just like a fat kid playing video games in it. He's like, I live here.

Any people, when you go to New Orleans or those places in the South, any story of a good person or an intellectual, it's boring to visit their stuff. You want to go visit, like, Marie Dubois, oh yeah, she used to do experiments on slaves right

in there. And that's interesting because there's a darkness there. There's no feeling when you walk into a place, you're like, yeah, the retired used to sit on the typewriter all day there. And that's interesting, because you're like, there's a darkness there. Yeah. There's no feeling when you walk into a place. You're like, yeah, the retard used to sit on the typewriter all day there. You're like, well, cool. And I mean, no one in the town liked him. Not a single person. He had no friends.

Nobody liked him. He used to cut holes in his pockets to jack off around town. Real freak. He died in the alley out back. Real sicko. But if you want, you can go to the bar where Oscar Wilde shoved billiard balls up his ass in front of the whole town. They try to show you Paul Revere's house.

And then the thing is that all the houses back then, because I guess people were tiny. The houses are like. Yeah, they're this big. It's like a dollhouse. Yeah. Like, why is this a landmark? It's taking up valuable space here. What, so people can like take pictures of a tiny home?

It gives a shit. Well, I do, I read that Oscar Wilde was apparently 6'3", which back then was like Victor Wimpadotto, that NBA guy. Wimby Nambia? Wimby Namba. The fucking giraffe that's going to take over the NBA that we all have to pretend it's cool to watch.

The guy whose ACLs are going to rip in half four games into the season. The ball looks like a tennis ball in his hands and you're supposed to be impressed. Fuck that guy. I don't get it. They're like, you don't get it. He's 7'4", but he shoots from 40 feet away. It's like, well, don't get closer to the basket. It should be illegal for him to be in the league.

It's annoying. It's like, all right, enough. Stop breeding. These freaks. This is gotten out of hand. It's bullshit. Yeah, it sucks. i hate the nba yeah and you you're a big fan i was a huge fan in the nba you love basketball oh i know all the popular players of the day steve nash uh stefan marbury uh again uh chris allen or paul allen paul allen yeah yeah the owner of the vikings of the Vikings. I think Jason kid who can forget about Jason kid.

Yeah. Do you think the Marbury is white? No. Oh, okay. Cause I thought you were doing a job where you were just saying white basketball players. Oh no,

no. I was just talking about all the current basketball players. Can I tell you, I legitimately thought the exact same. Right. I was like, Ben's trying to do the white people, but he doesn't know Stefan Marbury's black. You think he's French or something.

He's Stefan. Oh, and then I named the French black guy, Paul Allen, a French guy. Paul Allen is an announcer for the Vikings, the football team. All right. I don't know what I'm talking about. He's not the owner. He announces. He's the announcer.

He's also the character in American Psycho. Who's the guy who was a French fucking guy who's black? Tony Parker. Tony Parker. Thank you. Great Tony Parker story. I just remember this, by the way. So he was teammates with Brent Barry.

Fucked his wife. Fucked Brent Barry's wife. And then the Spurs traded Brent Barry because Tony Parker was so good at basketball. He was so much better. Damn. Yeah. Who, by the way, who the hell fucked LeBron's mom? I heard someone like-

Delonte West. Delonte West. And now he works on a freeway for him. Yeah. Now he's the best can picker in Cleveland. The best damn shopping cart transporter in the whole city. What actually happened to him, do you know? He's homeless.

He's a homeless crackhead now. He has a bunch of mental health issues and every once in a while there's a video on Twitter of him fucking a crackhead. So he's the Michael Jackson impersonator on the subway. Unfortunately he is. There was one season he shot

35% from three-point line and now he's... Yeah, once a year... There's a new video. There'll be a video of them like, look, he fell off a motorcycle. Check that out.

Yep. Damn. It's really sad. I've never heard of a black version of Artie Lang. That's really cool. Yeah. I thought white people

were only capable of doing something that fun. No, no. Man, equality is everywhere. Anyone's race, their brain can betray them at any moment i mean there's a guy this is actually really fucked up there was a guy who was a pitcher for the dodgers who's a black gentleman i forget his name he pitched in like the world series in 2017 by 2019 they found him living at lax like outside the airport because he lost his mind and became homeless the dodgers do

do a really cool thing where they they re-sign him for like a dollar every year so he can keep his league health insurance no not to not to make fun of him yeah they're not doing it as a fuck as a fuck you yeah they give him one dollar no so you keep his insurance but they're his insurance, but they're like, you know, he's still crazy and, you know. Right. It's not like he was going to have a big medical bill to pay. He's a homeless crazy person. Yeah. When a homeless crazy person goes to the ER,

they're like, yeah, just don't. He doesn't have to pay that. By the way, that's a lethal homeless person. He could pick up a can of cream corn and kill someone. He could throw it 98 miles an hour. Because he's putting it over his head and shit. He's doing the whole knee thing. Yeah. He's a cop killer. Yeah, he's at Echo

Park throwing rocks at cops just breaking necks and shit. He threw a curveball with a rock. Jesus. Too bad they can't just get guys like that on lithium or something like that and put their ass back

in gear. uh no no mental illness is a real problem and it destroys people hmm yeah so what was his uh what caused the psychotic break do you know he smoked a pot smoked pot a couple times yeah well he should have watched that episode of breaking bad where hank schrader drove rj midi around and uh and said you know i just re-watched that by the way it's so funny when he's telling him pots when he brings him to the motel because they they start thinking walt jr is smoking pot yeah because skyler has to lie and say walt walt's a spying pot from jesse pinkman yeah it's so funny and yeah he shows him wendy yeah you got a wendy wendy yeah

hank's great yeah hank's pretty great he's a fat pig he's great he's horny as shit hank is great because he's the only hero in a tv show i know of who also like thinks birthday cards are hilarious yeah you know like he you get him that birthday card where it's like you're another year older and then you flip it inside that's old guy with his balls hanging on the ground and he goes in another year longer and hangs like that's fucking great he's the only guy i can think of in a motif where it's like he's the savior right he's like the the guy who's supposed to save everything but he's also like a pull my finger guy he's also a guy wearing a shirt that says uh this isn't a beer gut it's a gas tank for a fuck machine yeah he's also he's it's like he's far he's fighting evil in a fart loading t-shirt yeah it's very funny yeah and it says 69 percent

under the fart loading by the way that should be our merch oh shit get on it jay's yeah fart loading he's the only uh yeah he's the character that like everybody has a family reunion where there's some uncle that's just a hank schrader there you know yeah and he goes from being such a fucking annoying asshole to you're like devastated when he dies i know you're rooting for him oh should i bleep that out because that might ruin it for people if they have you haven't seen breaking bad kill yourself honestly at this time 15 years kidding me even netflix like does announcements so like we're taking this off Netflix in two years like get on it shitheads who still

hasn't seen this it's very funny I think my wife is the only person in the world that saw Better Call Saul and she has no idea what Breaking Bad is her brain should be studied by science because I want to know what that was like she loved Better Call Saul that's amazing she was like crying I envy I wish

I could like delete my brain and then do that. Like watch Better Call Saul and then Breaking Bad. That'd be fascinating. Yeah. Anyway. That would be if the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind thing existed, I would just erase great TV shows and movies from my brain and start all over. Yeah.

Yeah. Me too. Just be like watching The departed band of brothers like just go through everything over again yeah and i would erase like what boobs look like in my head and i would just look at a photo of one and that would just be the next few weeks yeah yeah yeah you got that you got that that new to porn smell in your brain yeah you're like i haven't blown out my dopamine receptors yet. Yeah. I can jack off and then look at what I was jacking off at and not be like, oh, God.

No, no. I can literally I can draw two circles. I can trace a glass upside down next to each other and then look at that and just go to town. Yeah. You can put two watermelons next to each other. You're like, oh, baby. And now you've at the point where you jack off to the point you're looking at and then it's like the sun the minute you come you're like i can't it's horrible i know i can't even look at

it the ark of the covenant you're like you put those little eskimo glasses on to like exit out of the screen oh like the tanning booth glasses no you put on the what eskimo's wearing the snow so then i'll get with the little slits and then you're like close tap close tap close tap close tap close tap close tap close tap you've got like 85 tabs open yeah and then you turn to the other computer and close tap close tap close tap close tap close your dick looks like a fucking golf grip by the end of it yeah have you guys by the way and we'll close on this have you guys been to r slash goon cave no oh yeah oh big fan of the goon cave have you guys seen the goon cave setups unfortunately i can't show them what is it my roku is named the goon station at my house is it

really yeah yeah what is a goon cave so gooning is jacking off uh-huh so yeah but it's a meditative experience really it's it's a transcendent thing that you're doing. Because you're edging for so long that you reach a goon state, they say, where your dopamine receptors are firing that you start going... Yeah. Like you become retarded. So they describe it as sort of like transcending. It's this ecstasy that no one's really ever experienced. It's like you're coming forever, basically.

Like a flow state for jacking off. That's what gooning... Where you get so into the goon session that you forget... They treat jacking off like the way Buddhist monks treat it. It's like these guys fly into Peru and take an ayahuasca to jack off. No, they're going to their garage.

But they treat it mentally. They're like, I forgot about the concept of me and i and my parents and my loved ones you just become consciousness but it's an orgasmic consciousness because they killed their family shortly before going to the garage is that a thing that people say is like a real thing you can like oh it's for sure real yeah so what they here's what they do they have have a goon cave, which basically looks like, you've seen The Matrix, you know, the architect's room with all the televisions?

Yeah. It basically looks like that. And they share on r slash goon caves pictures of their gooning setups, which are their goon caves. And they rate and review and compare their setups. And they're always improving and tweaking things. Where they have like 10 TVs stacked

on all these old piles of tires. And they're sitting improving and tweaking things where they have like 10 TVs stacked on all these old piles of tires and they're sitting in a Lazy Boy that looks like something found at the bottom of the sea. And they're sitting in that and they're just, they're watching porn for 14 or 15 hours straight and they're gooning out with all these different porns playing at like 15. And they also will have goon cave meetups

where they all meet up and they goon out together with their fellow gooners patreon.com slash lemon party i got nothing it's just i was laughing at that really rewind that a couple seconds and look at this it looks like a dad trying really trying to relate to his autistic son as he talks about something. You know when you're so confused your eyes start watering? I'm crying right now. What are you even talking about?

Do people really do this? And they think they have a religious experience? It's only their God is pussy. This is just edging. It transcends that, my friend. Possibly.

I got to piss myself. I think we're ending the pod, right? I just got to promote stuff and we can close. Yeah, let's close up. I got to piss. I'm sorry. All right. Jace is going to go dunk his dick in the toilet.

Farewell, Jace. Farewell. Fare thee well. All right, let's lock the door. Lock the gates. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. That's where all the patreon content is and all the live streams which happen every wednesday on the lemon party clips channel at 4 p.m pacific standard time 7 p.m eastern standard time we've been doing those and having fun with them

oh yeah they're fun time and then i put them behind the uh ten dollar tier so the people on the ten dollar tier feel like they get more than just video on the patreon but But those we do for like three or four hours. Yeah, they're long. And it's essentially just a low energy podcast. It's the same thing. I mean, but for most podcasts it's very high energy. I mean, most podcasts. We don't need to shit on people, but yes.

That's what we believe. That's what we say off the show all the time. You listen to other people's podcasts. You go, you need some Narcan. I go, does anyone, does caffeine exist for any of these other podcasters? Wake up! Wake up! Come on!

What are you saying? Huh? Huh? What? What's your point? Where's the joke? Well, it's over.

All right. Well, patreon.com patreon.com patreon.com slash lemon party for the Patreon content. Devin is hatewatchpod. hatewatchpod

youtube.com slash Devin Costa for videos too. And the old, the old hatewatch episodes with Jace. Oh,

and please go support our sketches that we've been making and thank you for donating. We'll be making another sketch very soon. But yeah, go share all those sketches and stuff

if you haven't seen them go watch them because we have three now so yep that's the end of the episode I'm signing off thank god the billionaires they exploded at the bottom of the ocean very cool it would have been a great season of succession

honestly though that should have been the ending the ending of succession should have been them ending. The ending of Succession should have been them all dying. You cotsucker! Yeah. Fuck off! Fuck off! I know how to play video games. I'll get this fucking submarine

back up. And then just liquid. Yeah. Alright, goodbye, everybody! Goodbye, everybody. Bye! Good morning! I don't know know we put this out at 6am somehow oh yeah yeah good morning people love hearing retard at 6am alright I'm up

it's like Dunkin Donuts alright goodbye everyone this is the end of the episode now goodbye the credits are rolling goodbye shut up Kjell Kjell Thank you.