lemonparty - 038: Therapy Buffet

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

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Yeah, it reminds me of like my mom and dad are having a massive argument in the other room of the hotel. Yeah. Door shut. Cops is on. Yeah, yeah, it reminds me of like my mom and dad are having a massive argument in the other room of the hotel. Yeah. Door shut, cops blaring. Mm-hmm. You're obsessed with the ice machine. Yeah, you're putting on the robe because you think you're a little business man.

Exactly, yeah. I love that shit. And in the background you just hear like, well, maybe if you fucking respected me a little bit. Apparently they still do cops. They have like a modern version of it. Oh, yeah, it if you fucking respected me a little bit. Apparently, they still do cops. They have a modern version of it. Oh, yeah. It's like a new show, though.

It's less funny. Yeah. I think it's less exploitive. Yeah. They call it PD Local or something like that. Yeah. I couldn't get into the first 48. It was interesting.

But then after a while, I'm like, this is too sad. Yeah, it is real people getting murdered. It's real people. Yeah. I'd lean to watch the interrogations and the sure the interrogations are great it's amazing stuff and when there's like some like 12 year old like if you notice here his body language has changed that is an obvious sign to the interrogator that yeah i watched one recently that was it was a cop who was like fucking a 14 year old and they they gave him the old razzle dazzle the whereby he's like we're just talking to you you know some basic you had a somebody complained in the field and then he's like he's like this young cop he

like thinks he's like hot he's really good looking really good looking he's like well i used to play ball at louisiana technical you know retard university and she's like buttering him up she's like you're a hot guy you're a big strong man yeah and And she's like buttering him up. She's like, you're a hot guy. You're a big, strong man. Yeah. And then she's like, by the way, who is it? And then he like slides the Snapchats. And you see him be like, oh.

He goes, um, this seems like something I might need a lawyer for. Yeah, I think I might want to talk to a lawyer because I raped a kid. Yeah, and the name of it's like, watch the moment this cop realizes he's lost his whole life. I know, and his face isn't blurred out.

They give his full name. You see it all. The best was that half Asian-y guy, that cop that was raping all the women in the hood. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Daniel Holdsclaw or something. The judge gave him- He was like a big game hunter, basically.

The judge sentenced him to a billion years on the sun like they gave him it was just in court just like and another hundred years and another hundred yeah and then your bones will be fed to crabs at the bottom of those and he's just sobbing daniel holtz claw yeah by the way did you see fucking uh dr larry nassar got uh fucking shanked in prison? I saw that. I saw that. Yeah. You think the one place you'd be safe as a rapist.

I know, man. You know? Yeah. I would love it if it was like Subway Jared who shanked him. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, you stole my shine. There's one kid who got tried as an adult they've been fighting over.

One 12-year-old bitch. Jared, like, fucked the kids, right? Like, fucked them, fucked them. Yeah, he fucked them. Fuck them. Oh, yeah. over one 12 year old bitch Jared like fuck the kids right like fucked him fucked him yeah he fucked him Larry was he was more of a molester very handsy he was doing an old he was doing a meat thermometer well they're two different

it's like comparing vaudeville to stand up comedy today sure and the repercussions they have for the community yeah Larry Nassar wore a straw hat sure yeah and he goes let me check a pussy comedy today sure and the in the repercussions they have for the community yeah larry nasser wore a straw hat yeah sure yeah and he goes let me check her pussy well that was the sick i'm gonna fuck my baby and when i say my baby it's a baby um no larry nasser the thing about him is he raped all these women or he molested all these women in front of.

Like their parents. Their parents. Yeah. Right. It was thousands. Thousands. And he would. I mean, it was like Simone Biles.

It was like Michaela Maroney, all these hot young pieces of ass. And he. But no, but he was basically like, they're like, oh, your pelvic floor is tight. So I need to make an adjustment in front of the parents it's like lift one leg up and he shoves his finger upper pussy and like presses up and he's like this is like a medical thing that's the g-spot though right that's the g-spot i don't i don't know any of that bullshit is that you think that's what he tried to prove scientifically yeah he goes you're on her i was simply the g-spot people don't know about it. Your Honor,

I went to a bodybuilding forum when I was 14 and they told me how to make a woman cum. You go in and then you make a cum hither motion. It's the only way

to relax their hips. I'm working with Olympians, gold medal champions. No, but they would literally be in the room like their truck driving dad would just be like, all right,

this seems a little, he's like, I think all this is gay. Don't know much about chiropractic, but you do what you gotta do, doc. You know how like Americans, you know, there's always that segment on Leno

back in the day. Where they go out to the street and interview like idiots. Yeah. They'll just show like a map and then they'll go. Americans don't know where Nebraska is or something or Ireland.

They think Ireland's in Africa. Yeah. They think Kuwait's an ice cream. Yeah. They order Kuwait in a Robex. I am that, but with a pussy. Like if you showed me a diagram of a vagina and it's like, okay, point to where the uterus is i'd be like i don't yeah i don't know what you're talking somebody showed you a diagram of a pussy you'd be like

that's a northern speckled alder you'd start like calling saying it's birds yeah i think it's a rorschach test right i'm like a cock and balls they show me another pussy cock and balls yeah i mean i've never i've never like I mean made direct eye contact with a pussy before they're very alien like but have you seen a medical yeah yeah

it's very very weird who cares about all the medical stuff all you need to know is that clit baby yeah that's right

that's all they want and there's some spots in there too there's some dots some spots there's some balls you don't need to as long as you get the clit

you're fine there's a ball in the back yeah yeah there's a they say there's a rough spot on the top. If you touch it, then something happens. And there's a ball in the back like a Guinness can. They got a nitrous ball in. If you shake a woman, you can hear the ball in her pussy.

Nitro squirt. Keep it fresh. Very good. Very good, Benjamin. Yeah. Well, all kidding aside, I have no idea what a pussy consists of at all me neither i put my penis in it that's kind of all i know about it that's it don't know much about it at all i've always been confused by it and scared like uh i haven't put in by the way i could solve all this with like 10 minutes of research by just understanding

where like the uterine stuff is and the... I don't care about... That's the stuff that makes them annoying. I don't want to look into that. If you on national TV, you told me, you're like, how many holes does a woman have? I'd be like, I don't... I have no clue. I refuse to answer.

Less than nine? Yeah. More than nine? We count the ears? Yeah. Oh, shit. How many holes does a woman have? Two nostril holes, one mouth.

That's three. Then they have ears. So we got three, four, five. They got a hole in their pocket where all my damn money falls out. There we go. Woo! Yay! Woo! Joke of the night.

You bring it in, she takes it right back out like the night. You bring it in. She takes it right back out like the ocean waves. Yes, sir. They got flaps. They got like mud flaps. They got the flaps. Yeah. That's in case it rains.

I've heard some women have like really long pussy lips. Yeah. I've seen a couple of those before. Up close? Yeah. It's not great. have like really long pussy lips yeah i've seen a couple of those before up close yeah yeah yeah wow it's not great it does look like the alien from futurama the little pink crab guy oh yeah that guy yeah i don't norbit or whatever his stupid name is he's the nevis she won right i don't i never was the guy who there was people who were into futurama i didn't like them in college so i refuse to know anything about it that's all it takes to ruin one thing you go yeah

i'm never listening to arcade fire now because i just do one when i was 21 there was a guy with ear gauges who loves futurama and i go nap right off the whole thing yep right off the whole damn glad that didn't stay a thing by the way ear gauges i remember like in 2014 people had like basketball hoop size when everyone was dressing like was dressing like they eat bags of bugs. Everyone was like, I loved Apocalypto a little too much. Everybody's like, I want to dress like I live inside a motor engine. I never understood the gauges. I never got that either.

Some Filipino kid at the mall, his ears are all droopy. I'm like, what? What is this? They turned themselves into this like basset hound sort of thing themselves into like a guy walking around the mall that also looks like he could be on the cover of national geographic by the way you see those guys now they actually a lot of them have it's droopy yeah have you seen it's ripped it's ripped because eventually it gets so big it just just rips off and then they leave so then they have like it's like the it's like a

retard uh uh jewish curl you know jewish people have those curls i didn't i'm not making this up they have curl you know we've all seen jewish people you know what's it called the locks jewish locks yeah it's retard locks they try to go they walk around with these like spaghetti strings hanging out of their ears which i don't get like just tie them up at that point you know yeah tie it to a braid and make them into like a keychain tie them over your head yeah you have a toothache and tie in the big bow on top of your head with a toothache yeah i don't know man i got no idea there's a lot of types of pussies though innies outies what's it any where like there's not many lips yeah in it's like a recess it's

just kind of like a hole like it's just like a plug and then there's ones that come out and they look like they look kind of look like yeah korean barbecue oh nice yeah you got a fat pussy as well there's big fat pussies explain that to What is a fat pussy? So it kind of looks like a hamburger you turn sideways. They just have thick, big lips. But not the curtains themselves. The curtains themselves, no. But there's meat on. It's like their pussy is on steroids.

Their pussy lifts weights. Yeah. Yeah. We should have a woman on the show just so she can explain what a vagina is. Sure. Not turn her mic on. I'm into that. Yeah.

She's off camera yeah and it's just every 15 seconds you hear us go like okay um that was a really bad joke so anyway what's that and swing and a miss yeah sure no you're right that is very offensive so anyway back to the funny stuff we were saying I go no no what was that

just say it one more time we should get I can't hear you sweetheart we should get Jonah Hill's ex on the show and act like we want to talk about her you know being a victim

sure and then we just go like what are pussies yeah what is a pussy can you show us your pussy can you show us your pussy show us your pussy now that you're not with jonah jace you are the i don't want to make this part of your personality you're the only person here who's ever willing to be a therapy guy right sure yeah

you're not a therapy guy but you go to therapy like healthy people should do sure yeah i don't do that right i get into birding. I get lost in the woods. I go to therapy, but I also realize therapy is very gay and you shouldn't talk about it that often. And that you can become a therapy guy. Yeah, exactly. You didn't make an hour and a half movie

with your therapist where you guys are paddling around town and acting like you went through D-Day. The black and white? Yeah. It was called Stutz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's showing how he's such an evolved human being

emotionally because of this therapist. And then in the middle, like 30 minutes in, did you watch it, Jace? Yeah, 30 minutes in where he's like, how can I, I mean, I'm lying now. And then it cuts and you realize they've been on a green screen. They've been pretending that they're at an office.

It was, I was like like this is all set up come on yeah i mean it's also like there's like a gross thing of like i like that i read that guy's book and then like like yeah 30 minutes in john hill's also like so you're dying of like alzheimer's can we monetize that real quick like just go and stuts is like this broken guy he's like well you know i mean i'm fucking my brain's turning into gravy and Jonah's like alright but come on like dive yeah yeah yeah

he's like I need to sell another one of these we're shooting this on 70 millimeter here for no reason come on the only thing I know about the movie

is at one point Mason Ramsey's hit song starts playing in it the the yodeling Walmart the yodeling Walmart you know the yodeling

Walmart kid yeah he's his song is in the in that movie I only know that because I follow Mason Ramsey on The yodeling Walmart. The yodeling Walmart. You know the yodeling Walmart kid? Yeah. His song is in the. In that movie? I only know that because I follow Mason Ramsey on TikTok and he's really. That's the crossover I never expected. Check out me in Stutz.

Movie about Jonah Hill interviewing an old dying Jew. So is that guy. You know, the Mason Ramsey song was like, cause you're a Jew. So is that guy? You know, the Mason Ramsey song was like, because you're a Jew. And you're going to go to hell when you die. You kill Jesus. Mountain Dew, Hank Williams.

Hank Williams, three code red. But yeah, I don't know. The Jonah Hill stuff is so gay. He is so gay. But also, she's a much worse person to me for releasing those yeah well it's the thing is like he did to be fair like he does suck and i i hate the way he uses therapy language of course yeah he's like these are my boundaries these are my boundaries where i control every action that you do yeah but he does go you know if you don't like it you know you can just tell me yeah there's the door and she never posted any of her responses really and also it's just it's just disgusting clout chasing behavior yeah like post that a year later jonah hill just

had a kid with a new woman like move on go fucking you can go fuck all the surfers you want right okay enough i get that it was annoying because he was trying to tell you to go fuck all the surfers you want right okay enough i get that it was annoying because he was trying to tell you to you know hit the hit the uh hit the waves in a in snow pants and a wool jacket yeah he was trying to like kill her yeah he was trying to he was trying to stop her whole life he's like you gotta go surfing in chain mail for it to be okay i didn't see all these other texts from him did you guys see like there like, there's, like, a thread of them. Yeah. I read some, I guess.

I mean, is it even that, I guess for anyone that didn't follow it, is it really that bad? No, he's just gay. Yeah, I think it was more about just he's positioned himself as, like, this enlightened Buddha guy. And you're like, oh, no, you're just still that fucking fat kid who can't get over being a fucking fat kid. And since he's not, he's very insecure. This is his therapy version of being an alpha. Yes. Of like, I lay down the laws,

I have boundaries. That's exactly it because he was a fat kid. He wants to be a fucking Sigma grind set guy. Yeah. But he has to like go to his emotional hit man. Yes. And give him the words

so he can be a dickhead to his girlfriend. Exactly. Where he was an actual, you know, fucking one of those guys he wants to be in his head. He'd just be like, hey, fucking dinner was not ready. And he wouldn't be insecure. He'd be at the beach with her like, yeah, I'm fucking Jonah Hill. Act like you're a fucking star.

But instead he's like nervous about some fucking, you know, like a beach bum living in a van banging his girlfriend. like a beach bum living in a van banging his girlfriend. Because guys who are like that, but they're not insecure about it at all, that's Andrew Tate. He walks around just smoking a cigar with naked bitches. He goes, I don't care. I'm the king shit.

I'm Andrew Tate. This is how you handle it. Andrew Tate would have handled this like this. He goes, if I catch you banging a surfer, I'll kill you. That's it. End of story. You don't need to make a list. Okay, so I'll read the text from him. We'll break it down

for the people real quick. We'll break it down for the people. She just posted this from her Instagram saying, fuck it. Fuck it. She goes, I've had it. Fuck it. Fuck it. I think there's like six months left in the Me Too movement. Fuck it. I might as well exploit this right yeah it's almost 2024 in six months she's posting screenshots from 2021 she's a loser she's a bad person he just had a kid with a new woman

you move on you tell all your close friends yeah jonah hill was like a loser also it's the middle of covid you get you got... Everybody was a little crazy. Exactly. I got jerked off in a park one night. Exactly. I was so crazy, I turned into Al Pacino in Cruising for like three seconds. Sorry, please continue.

Also, was he war dog level fat when these texts were sent? No, I think he was doing the like... I think he had lost all that weight and then he was like wearing his pants up to his like nipples like he was like Al Capone or something and he had like

big blonde hair he's like the he's the I'm healthy now but I look worse he was posting pictures of jujitsu and he's like I know this is like not cool but guys used to call me fag and because I didn't wrestle and now I do wrestle and it's now I'm not a fag because I'm cool it's like

when he was fat in War Dogs he had that Tony Soprano sexual vibe. That's actually better than when you lose all that weight and you look like he looks just odd. Right. Well now he looks like fucking Clayface from Batman like he's just you know like you could throw him like he could jump out of a plane

and like parachute to the ground. With all his extra skin. Yeah just like flapping behind him. But you're right in War Dogs he could be the guy where you're like he's a scumbag and and like parachute to the ground. With all his extra skin. Yeah, just like flapping behind him. Yeah, it's actually brutal. But you're right. In War Dogs, you could be the guy where you're like,

oh, he's a scumbag and he lays on his back and some hot lady fucks him because he's rich. Exactly. But now he looks like a dog chew toy. Right.

Yeah. Looks like a Kong. You want to put peanut butter in him and put him on the floor. It is still my favorite thing about Sopranos that like the amount of like scenes where they just cut to Tony like

rolling off a woman like he just like blew her fucking back out. Oh dude I realized a while back I've watched Tony Soprano have more orgasms than I've given women. Yeah cause you've seen Sopranos like 30 times. I've seen every episode literally probably a hundred times. Like I'm a sick man.

I've taken a break. You're very unwell. I'm unwell, but I've literally most of my life was watching Tony like like this fat man after he just ate a bunch of breadsticks and smoked a cigar. He'd go, huh, and then he'd roll over and he wouldn't be

drenched in sweat. In reality, he'd be coughing up phlegm when he just ran a marathon asking her to you know take the reins for a bit yeah yeah yeah no 100 a guy who's just drinking ice water pretty much the duration of sex yeah guys just your little clinking ice cubes him having sex is like labor like he needs ice chips he's got like cold yeah he needs like a boxing corner a guy to press like cold metal into his face cause it's swelling up

he's got like Michael Jordan's trainer there massaging his his calves the guy who fucking put Kobe's finger back into place yeah exactly so Sarah Brady goes fuck it and then she posts a screenshot from Jonah from 2001.

It says, plain and simple, if you need surfing with men, boundaryless, inappropriate friendships with men, to model, to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit, to post sexual pictures, or friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful i am not the right partner for you if these things bring you to a place of happiness i support it and there will be no hard feelings these are my boundaries for my romantic partnership my boundaries with you based on the ways these actions i've heard are trust so clearly this is a text that his therapist told him he needs to send. Oh, yeah. Because this is him. He's doing homework. He's doing A to B, fill in the blank. Like, what did Stats tell me to say to this dumb bitch? For guys like this, like, therapist is like your group of mean girls that you get together with.

And you craft the perfect text to ruin someone's life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then you, what ends up happening is, if you're this type type of person you talk to people like they're not human beings yes you talk to them like they're a computer program and you're trying to enter in like the right variables to get the shit to run right you have to like you can't like this is how a boss talks to an employer this isn't how human beings speak to each other no no not at all you can't hand someone a syllabus when you start dating them. You go, read up on all that shit and figure it out.

Right. And he's also doing the bullshit. He's like, these are my boundaries. He's like, if you want to leave on time. And it's like, she also like was in love with him,

I'm presuming. So, you know. And he also found her through the same way he now wants her to change. That was, she also showed, she also showed his like first DM to her

and he's like, love all these surfing pics with men. Yeah, exactly. It it's like you're hot yeah like he might as well like message her like love how you have boundaryless relationships with men exactly she should have texted him back i want you to delete all your movies right all the sex scenes you gotta edit those out you edit all the sex scenes out of your movies you call paramount right now you fat fuck make make uh make them edit you jacking off out of super bad right now exactly i don't like the way you talk it reminds it makes me think you were into other women at a certain point that scene in wolf of wall street where you pull your deck out and start masturbating i want you to kill

scorsese okay so then because that's what's her livelihood she was a surf instructor and like surf influencer and that's why she's she's she's she's she's uh milking the last bit of clout she can get through that relationship for her instagram page i bet she probably got like 30 000 followers yeah i mean this is like hitler and mussolini yeah it's just it's just two retards having a retard off yeah exactly yeah uh i think i think he won though the retard i don't i don't think he did he looks pretty bad to a lot of i'm saying he's more if it's a retard off he won like he's more retarded oh yeah oh right right right yeah yeah because then he goes dude he goes take some accountability and operate with respect it's that simple because i'm tired of your attitude towards surf culture

that can that contest and that place oh that contest and that place because I deserve respect, period. I have been more than patient and then shit like this is still here. Fuck that contest, fuck that place, and fuck not respecting me always in every situation within surf culture, or you don't get it, and you don't get me. It's hurtful and unacceptable to me. Get it? I don't know if you get it or care or give a shit

about that shit more than me even after dr stern has said it loud and clear apparently dr stern is the couples therapist they were seeing once a week for four months so he made her go to couples therapy what is the therapy for like was jonah hill in the holocaust did we did we not read something is he older than we think? What is the PTSD, buddy? You're a fucking multi-millionaire. You're one of the most famous people in America. No, you explain.

Okay, Devin. He was fat. And that is the equivalent of being in Doc House. Just allow me. He grew up Jewish in Los Angeles and wealthy, and that's a very isolating experience. It's a lot.

Right. I mean he didn't get his first gig until he was 12. It's a lot. That was haunted for him. Growing up hanging out with David Mamet's daughter. Right. I mean Devin you don't realize he spent days to weeks thinking he might not make it. Yeah. And that can be really tough for a guy. And he's

fat. And he's fat. fat right that's also the thing was like with him is like he's being more quote-unquote fat phobic than anybody else could be by being this in by being this obsessed because like women they like don't even care like if you're rich and famous like yeah oh this is pretty good he said i love how your therapist thinks i suck i literally am the best boyfriend on earth. Right. Which is something somebody says immediately after they do this move to their girlfriend. Yeah.

The pinch the arm and lift up and walk them out of a restaurant. You want to know what happened? When he first got into the relationship and he's like, yeah, because he started surfing. He does jujitsu and shit. He's becoming like a stero surf. Because he started surfing. He does jujitsu and shit. He's becoming like a steroid Californian. Yeah. And so he probably went down to the beach with her when he was first courting her.

And he felt like a massive faggot. Yeah. Around. I bet she was laughing with some guy named Wave and Blaze. Yeah. Some guy named Radar. Yeah, exactly. Who has like a 14 like pack

on his belly. And he felt really insecure. Like a character from one of his movies. Yeah, yeah. And he wants to go talk to the... And he can't.

Yeah, like, you know, yeah, there's cooler guys out there. He should actually just have Seth Rogen write his life. It would be much better. He should let them... What's that guy, Jeff, there's cooler guys out there. He should actually just have Seth Rogen write his life. It would be much better. He should let them, what's that guy, Jeff, who's the guy that-

Jay Baruchel? Who's the guy who writes the stuff with Seth? Evan Goldberg? Yeah, yeah, he should have Evan Goldberg just script his life from now on. Yeah.

These guys should just be in a constant movie. They shouldn't be allowed to have narratives of their own making. No, they shouldn't. I mean- Then you have to meet a guy

named McLovin and go to a party. Otherwise, it's just weird. No, they shouldn't. Then you have to meet a guy named McLovin and go to a party. Otherwise, it's weird. Dude, it's so sad you could be an Oscar-nominated actor. Jonah Hill's incredibly talented. He's so good. One of our finest comedic actors.

I was a huge fan of him until I kind of realized how gay he was. It hurts it a little bit. He's one of the greatest actors, though, I think, right now. To have all that on your resume and to not show up to the beach like a big dick-swinging guy is so pathetic. Like, what are you doing? You're Jonah Hill. I know.

These people are beach bums. They live in trailers on PCH. Right. Who cares? Also, your girlfriend's not that hot. Yeah. They're not that into her. Yeah.

Her name's Sarah. She looks like some lady that, like, some lady that has a lot of pussy hair. Yeah, where'd you meet her, Jonah? At an Aeropostale in the mall? It's just enough. Enough of this patchouli oil bitch dictating your entire life. It's probably hard for him to get pussy, though,

because when he takes his shirt off, he looks like a big piece of gum. god can you chewed gum yeah yeah it is tough when you're gonna go have sex and you have to like like how women put their hair up in a bun you have to do that for your skin like he takes a rubber band off his arm and ties his skin out yeah he has like instead of a hair net he has a skin net right i mean but it is so funny you're right because like joe to hill goes to that beach and all these patchouli retards are like god i suck i live in a fuck i live inside a rock yeah you know yeah i'm patrick star yeah i'm patrick star live in shells yeah you're you're insecure yeah it's because he's it's it's it's it's i think it's the therapy stuff too i mean like you know for a lot of people therapy is just like a narcissism it's just it's a gym for their

narcissism have you ever had an interaction with somebody who's like a like a therapy manipulator not i've had one and it is brutal because it feels like you're like you're like am i dating you why am i getting put in a fucking dishwasher? Right. Like, just tell me to go fuck myself and like, get the hell out of here. It's very adjacent to people with trigger warnings. Yeah. It's very adjacent.

It's like it's it's in that same world. Well, they'll say stuff where they're like, well, that's my truth. And I have to speak my truth. And you are silencing my truth. And it's like, let's just you're just bullying. Yeah. Yeah. At a certain point, like you're no different than a guy raising his hand like personal point of privilege yeah

yeah you know like those people yeah i guess we don't none of us hang out with people that have dogma that they express out loud like you never were never with someone and they go oh i have a rule i never and then they say something yeah i mean can you imagine I hang out and be like guys guys you're breaking one of my rules right I set up a rule for everyone to exist around me and you're breaking one of those you're a singular government yeah you have to treat your relationship with me

like you're going to like a shooting range so there's like 14 things you have to like watch out and too bad you don't get earplugs when you're around these people oh god you're right it's a narcissist gym it's a gym for

narcissists is that what you said yeah once you overdo it like at what point are you fixed yeah this is gone for the rest of your life and then you're not supposed to be talking to your therapist is not supposed to be like giving you like active advice where you're like okay thank you thank you, Dr. Stutz. And then you show your therapist the text.

What do you think? Look, I did it. Am I a good boy this week? He just puts a wafer in his mouth. Right. And he goes, you did a very good job. By the way, the bill is a little past due. So if you want me to continue lying to you,

you'll need to get that. And can you give me Sarah's number? Yeah. Yeah, they're like, by the way, my bill for lying to you so you feel better, it's a little past due. What is Sarah Brady's Instagram? I think I manipulate a shitload of people

because at a certain point i'd be like people are just completely helpless they're only coming to me to talk about themselves i'd start resenting them i would start manipulating people like telling them like oh you gotta you gotta send your girlfriend nudes and then uh you gotta show them to me because i i'll look into it like i'm a fucking yeah I can see into it and give you all the good advice. If you send me all the nudes she sends you, that's what I'm into. Well, because even your like God to honest advice,

somebody be like, you know, I feel like my wife doesn't respect me. You're like, have you seen the latest Nick Acato video? You know, Nick Acato was in a place where he thought he couldn't change and he did. But here's the thing too with being a therapist. I can't give someone advice with the imagination of this person they're talking about i need to know how big their tits are i need to know if they have a nice ass right i need to tell a person

oh my first you might be willing to put up with with enough if like if they're hot enough you know or if they have enough money i I need to see bank account statements. Here's the problem with therapy. It's never a hardened black dude that's had a very big life. Those guys will give you the best advice ever and they're always right. I've met guys at John's

bar and John's talking about his relationship issues or whatever. Not his current but like past shit and these guys just like tell him shit and you go that's like brilliant but they say it real quick like it's it's just what do you think Stutz had a great

relationship you know in his life this old Jewish man no everyone probably hates him too you gotta be around cool people that's how you become cool you don't you don't get better at being cool by hanging out with an old jewish man who's dying yeah i mean your therapist should mostly be telling you you suck and are retarded like that's yeah yeah that's why i've been going i went to therapy for a long time and it was just a lady being like well you

need to feel so it's okay you shot that cop and i was like you had a lady i had a lady therapist when i was like 25 and i was going i was like i feel bad because my childhood but like that's original did you imagine yourself as tony since it's a woman i mean i used to there's a picture way back on my instagram where i'm wearing these but they're white and then the tops but they're white and i just i posted that i I pretended I was Tony most of the times I went to therapy. So you would sit, you'd put your arms on the... I lean forward and I go, Jesus fucking Christ. I go, my fucking wife. I made up a whole life.

I go, my fucking wife, this bitch. My fucking racist dad. My dad, he doesn't like the moulinons. Yeah, but it's just my problems. I'm like, I was on tendon. I think I'm fucking too much. I think I'm fucking because I don't drink so much anymore.

Was it the kind of therapist where they just repeat back what you say and they go, and you feel like you're on Tinder too much? And you go, yeah, that's what I fucking said. It was that

and I went for like a year and a half. They do that shit. Yeah, they do. Literally by the end of therapy, I'd be like, yeah, I didn't fucking, I'm like, I didn't get out of my bed for a week and she'd be like well you need time to heal and i remember going i go well how much fucking time do i need because sand

slipping through the hourglass they go well at this point i plan on retiring in 18 years so is that okay with you 18 yeah and we started we started getting into actually big arguments in therapy. And I would disagree with her. Oh, really? Good. And then she fired me, actually. Because I was disagreeing with her too much. I didn't know that could happen.

I didn't know they could do that. Yeah, well, I was switching jobs. And I was like, oh, I'm switching from Blue Cross to Kaiser. And I'm like, I checked. You take Kaiser. And she goes, well, I'm not taking any new clients with Kaiser. And you're like, I'm with Kaiser you're like I'm like I've been coming here for 80 weeks in a row lady yeah and I was like okay I get the fuck in sure you got the hint yeah yeah and then I kind of left her like a vague like ah maybe I'll kill myself who knows maybe you'll see this mugshot on the news yeah no you

could have done something a little better. And then I left and she called me like three times and I never answered. Maybe I'll find a new therapist. Maybe I'll come back here during working hours with a weapon. Unannounced. Yeah, maybe I'll let some of that white male rage

out you've been talking about so much um but no my therapist now is like an old like ex-military republican guy okay and it rules he looks like mike and talks like mike from breaking bad that's comforting yeah and literally sometimes i'll just be like i may i'm insecure about this and he's like that's kind of retarded like why are you doing that and i'm like oh, oh, that's a good point. Yeah, you got to hire a therapist that tells you you're a retard. He goes, well, you're fake and gay. Right.

Your problems are fake and gay, actually. Does he unassemble things and put them together and shit? Yeah, he's always assembling a rifle while I'm talking to him. And he goes, here's what you're going to do. Oh, shit. Sorry, I don't want her to rip And he goes, here's what you're going to do. Oh, shit. Sorry, I don't want her to rip the cord out. Here's what you're going to do.

You're going to start threatening to kill yourself in public. So everybody gets very worried about you. Then you're going to go off the grid for a couple weeks. If you get in a big fight, threaten suicide. They always come back running. Dude, I would never. I have fucking secrets. I won't tell a single person on this

planet as long as I live I don't care how close they are to me I'll never tell anybody the idea that this you know in movies when they always go so can you explain the attorney client privilege real quick right right right and then they tell them everything like so I killed seven kids last week

and they're like oh I technically can't tell anybody I would never I would never trust anyone And then they tell them everything. Like, so I killed seven kids last week. And they're like, oh, I technically can't tell anybody. Yeah. I would never. I don't trust these people. I would never trust anyone. You don't think they're not going to the bar and grill after. I bet Jonah Hill's fucking ex-girlfriend. I bet she's a therapist.

I bet she is. I bet she posts all the text messages from her fucking fag clients. But this is, this is, this this is this is devin you bring up a good point by using the f word yeah because can we go back to 10 years ago i'm sorry man when people like jonah hill used to just call the paparazzi fag that's what i'm saying he used to do that yes he was you would smoke remember in that video he's like smoking a cigarette he calls the the camera guy did you ever see this video he got like smoking a cigarette. He calls the camera guy. Did you ever see this video?

No, I don't think so. He got in big trouble for it. A guy came up to him with a camera and wanted to leave him alone and he goes, get away from me, faggot. And he like flicked a cigarette at him. Have you noticed?

And he had to go on Letterman and apologize for it. Jonah Hilden? Yeah, like 10 years ago. The farthest people, the farther people got away from just talking in that way, but it not being like, it not really meaning anything.

It's just they're talking shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The gayer we've all gotten. Mm-hmm. Well, how does Jonah Hill from Superbad, how does that guy that's so funny and just like a real dude turn into this? It's maybe because he hasn't been saying fag. He's got to get his slurs out.

No one's called him a fag. He needs some friends around to kick him in the dick and pants him and go, fucking get out there, fag. You're fucking Jonah Hill. I don't care how fat and disgusting you are. You don't need to lose weight. I mean, that's literally what he needs to say.

I get you're fat and disgusting and you hate yourself. That don't need to lose weight. I mean, that's literally what you need to say. I get you're fat and disgusting and you hate yourself. That's never gonna change. Women don't care because you're rich and famous. So the real advice should be like, feel bad about yourself and go get your dick sucked

by hot women for the rest of your life. Yes. And that's the answer. It doesn't matter. You're cool as shit. You're from LA. You're from like Mar Vista.

You like skateboarding. You made a pretty decent movie. You saved Kanye from hit. yeah doesn't matter you're cool as shit you're from la you're from like mar vista you like skateboarding you made a pretty decent movie like you saved kanye from hitler yeah you've been you were in the wolf of wall street like you blew everyone away with that performance no one thought you could actually do that you've been in the best some of the best comedies ever made you used to make fun of you being a pretentious celebrity. Yeah. This is the end. The whole joke is how pretentious he is. Well, you know what's funny is a lot of people have... I've seen a lot of interviews kind of go viral of them talking to Seth Rollins and Jay Baruchel. Apparently, that is...

Actually. That is fucking that guy. They wrote everything in the movie is actually true. They all hate each other and have all these issues with each other. Interesting. Wait, which movie? This is the end. This is the end. Oh, I never saw that. It's actually really good. It was very underrated. But Jonah Hill's playing this smoothy

gay guy, and Jay Baruchel just hates everybody because they're making these horrible comedies that suck. It's actually pretty... But Jonah Hill's killing it. He's hilarious, and he's self-deprecating in it apparently. But I guess he became who he, I don't know,

who he was making fun of. I think Devin makes a good point. His new therapist that he needs, he needs to find him a guy like John Coffey. He needs to find him an ex-prison, like six foot nine black guy who comes in and just sits down like fucking like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction

and just like he has like a gun on the table and he's just smoking a cigarette while Al Green plays and the therapy session should just be him staring at Jonah for an hour and saying nothing and just smoking and then when Jonah's like you know I feel like my girlfriend's gonna leave me sometimes and he goes

he goes that's your first mistake your first mistake is you have respect for women ashes he goes once you start treating them like holes that problem's gonna go away yeah yeah yeah yeah his therapist should be frank lucas fresh out of prison. You see, Jonah, you can't intellectualize something that don't got no intellect. Ain't that right? Yeah. Jonah, I'm going to have you watch some

Dr. Umar videos real quick. How much does your girlfriend weigh, by the way? 150? 150? 150? Damn, that's a big bitch. His therapist should be tarik nashim uh yeah but no there's a thing i was reading um this this thing there's this that harvard study

that they started in like the 40s and they studied like 5 000 people from like age 19 to like the end of their life and they were studying specifically like what coping skills helped people have the, like, you know, you're old and you're like, I'm content. I'm fine.

I don't have any major regrets, things I didn't do relationships. I fucked up. The number one coping mechanism was humor. The number two was like just channeling that energy into other stuff. And like the number three was suppression. So like you shouldn't always push down your feelings, but it does like fucking work a lot of the time.

Yeah. It does. I do it at a certain point. There's no way to live. You can't spend every waking minute of the day investigating. Yeah. Your past and you being a detective for your own misery. Yeah, exactly.

It's like you do have to move on a little bit. So this is something that people that have the luxury of, what do you think? Do you think there's people in Libya with, with studs as their therapist? You think, do you think people in other countries are sending their girlfriends long lists of boundaries?

Yeah. We're sitting down on a couch with a rocket sticking through their stomach. Yeah, exactly. A kid, he could, they can't even text the boundaries because their hands have been chopped off. Yeah, a guy in Haiti being like, so here are my list of boundaries.

No more mud pies on the weekends. And you've been eating a lot of mud pies. My girlfriend, sometimes she gets eaten by bears. And I think that's kind of fucked up. And you need to stop screaming when I beat you because the village gets annoyed by that and they call me gay when I don't beat you

yeah the biggest thing has been like the biggest learning thing for therapy and me is like just being angry about something and then just being like fucking god fucking fucking damn it and then you're just like oh and now I feel better and I'm just gonna I don't have to change anything about it i just fucking get through it and then move on with my god it's a great therapy is very helpful for venting and catharsis and especially anger issues oh yeah that's most that's been most of my therapy is like literally the first 30

minutes is like i'm mad about a and i go fucking this and this. And then by the end of therapy, I'm literally like being like, oh, I was being kind of gay there. I don't mean all that. Right, but you needed to get it out there in front of somebody instead of your car dashboard. Right.

Which can't help you at all. I know. Because if I don't go to therapy, I'll just start hitting my couch with a baseball bat that I have in my apartment. But yeah, I mean, I gotta say, at the end of the day,

we're making fun of Jonah Hill because he's the famous one and the texts were pretty lame. She's way worse for releasing this dude. What a, what a, I mean, you were- It goes without saying, we're always on the man's side here, even if we're making fun of him.

No, I'm not. No, we are. I'm always on the side of the person that's getting- Also, she on the man's side here. Even if we're making fun of him. No, I'm not. No, we are. I'm always on the side of the person that's getting. Also, she's the man in this relationship. Yeah, true. She's out there surfing, doing shit. He's all gay and sensitive. Exactly.

Bleaching his hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're siding with the woman, really. I'm just saying anybody that posts intimate text messages is a fucking asshole. Right. Because if you're like, oh, he raped me. You're like, oh, I want to stop other. Exactly.

I want to warn other women about this guy. But you're just like, oh, he annoyed me. A year later, you're just kind of like, I have a lot on him. He's gay. So you post that. It's like, fuck you. It is a trend that really, not to be the guy, like, the cancel culture type guy, but there's a thing, like, on TikTok where they'll just show, like, an ugly guy in public and they'll

be like, fuck this guy. And then, like, two million people are shaming. You can't even walk into public. No. And just be a stranger. You can't even be, like, a DoorDash driver without getting fucking, without getting fucking going viral you know how you handed them the food like that door just driver lizzo tried to like roll over like fucking indiana jones that is yeah god what an asshole she was i delivered opening of like fucking raiders i delivered food to lizzo one time and she put the bag on a scale and she said

you're short she looked at me she was she's gus frank she looked at me she goes you're short. She looked at me. She's Gus Franklin. She looks at me. She goes, you're short. You put it on the coolers like Walt's measuring the map. Yeah, yeah. You put it in the. Yeah. It's just like lobster traps like straight from. Devin needed to pay his union dues to deliver to Lizzo. Oh, that's so funny.

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and get the plan shipped to your door for free go to mint mobile.com slash lemon that's mint mobile.com slash lemon cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com slash lemon back to the show yeah by the way oh sorry go ahead well i was gonna say speaking of big big ass fat ladies who pretend it's great to be fat sure i found out today that roxanne gay was 577 pounds when she lack of a better term blew up by the way that is so much worse than just being 700 pounds for some reason it It sounds bigger. It sounds bigger and you can tell there's a little bit of like, well, I

ate a salad today. Because that means they're trying wall diet. Yeah, you're delusional about killing yourself. It's like, yeah, putting a bullet in a gun, spinning it and being like, well, I, you know, this is a diet bullet. So it wouldn't even kill me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I'll show you this. I found this article today from, I don't even know. I think it was like a few years ago or something. Jace, did you see this? No. Okay.

It says, by the time, first of all, we're just going to, I want to break this down really quick. Yeah, this is rough. By the time Roxane Gay was a teenager, her once lanky body had become something she barely recognized. Fat. Which is like a great opening line. It's very funny. They don't even know they're being funny.

It's like Don Rickles wrote this. And it's just People Magazine. I know. You can literally see Rickles be like, you've become something you barely recognize. At the Friars Club roast. So, overeating as a way to cope with the shame and trauma of being gang raped at the age of 12 by a boy she adored and a group of his friends.

She hit 577 pounds at her heaviest point. By the way, I'm pretty sure I will go out on a limb and say that she's fibbing. I'm glad you started that. Yeah. I mean, especially someone that gets up to 600 pounds. They're not telling the truth constantly. I have a hard time to imagine there's 12 year olds running around. It makes no sense.

They can't even come. Yeah. They're like coming dust. I don't know. I mean. Yeah. Swallow my air, bitch. I imagine something bad happened

but a gang I mean it was just like dance with the devil but with like with a kindergarten yeah yeah she went to the same high school as Immortal Technique

England Manuel Moran yeah by the way her so I found out her dad was a business magnate who made millions in Haiti hmm

well now that you say it was Haiti is that why in Haiti everybody's starving to death? Because his dad worked there? Yeah, he took all the mud cookies away, too. From my little girl. Well, was this in Haiti?

Well, I don't know. I mean, this only happened in her mind. This is another one of her... I mean, she's 600 pounds and she writes stories. She's making up everything in the book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These people, they constantly make up how many

calories they're eating. That's what I don't understand. How are we supposed to trust the brain of somebody that's constantly digesting? I mean, you're tired. You're kind of loopy. It's like all your writing is like... You're essentially high all the time. Did you write this or did the cookies write it? Exactly. Exactly. Thank you. Is this your blood is like you're essentially high all the time did you write this or did the cookies right exactly yeah exactly thank you is this is this your blood sugar or you right i mean she

probably i want to say she probably was right but also like yeah i'm not saying nothing we've all had terrible childhoods you can't blame i'm just saying i think she might have been raped but i don't know about gang rape wasn't right i have a hard time believing she was gang raped by 10 year olds she grew up rich. If you grew up rich, you can't get raped. That's very true. That's true. Just look at Hunter Biden.

That's true. Until we get factual evidence of it happening a week later, then we look really bad. There's video footage that comes out. Delay release video. Yeah, yeah. It was by one of our relatives. It looks really, really bad in hindsight. She was on the Avery farm down in West Texas

replaying sound bites of me going she wasn't great while wearing that hat wearing that hat and deacon glasses like you're the deacon of a church okay and then so then she goes like you're the deacon of a church okay

so then she goes I thought if I'm fat boys won't come after me she tells people in this week's issue I wanted to make myself bigger I also just love the taste of those burgers yeah let's be honest I mean if like food didn't taste good to you you wouldn't have gone down any of these routes so I just started eating broccoli all day

and I get fat It was hard for me. Yeah. Now, I will say that's where the lie comes in. That's the lie. If something happens and then you're like, well, I can use this to justify everything I've done for the rest of my life. Yeah.

So today, Gay, which is her last name, by the way. Oh, thanks, Ben. I'm not. No, you're not making jokes today gay 42 still faces the daily challenge of living as an overweight woman

in an often unforgiving thin obsessed world she said when I'm walking down the street men yeah wing street thin

when I'm walking down the street men leave were you trying to do like wing stop yeah yeah yeah well isn't it called wing street Domino Pizza Hut's wing has a wing street When I'm walking down the street, mentally... Were you trying to do like wing stop? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, isn't it called wing street? Pizza Hut's wing has a wing street. They had a wing street.

Oh, I'm very sorry. Yeah, wing street. Very sorry. That was good, Ben. Thank you. My apologies. I also love saying thin obsessed world, like saying like not dying obsessed world.

It's like hilarious to just keep coming up with new terms for normal. Because you could just say health health conscious conscious world yeah but that's another weird sentence like finn hyphen obsessed world yeah and then she goes when i'm walking down the street men lean out of their car windows and shout vulgar things at me about my body about how they see it she She says, fat shaming is real. I mean, what is she walking through the Bronx? Like, what? Who does that?

By the way, if she was 577 pounds at one point, she's not walking. She's not walking. She's never walking. Men yell at me on my rascal scooter as I drive. They go, you got a flat tire. Yeah, they're yelling. They're actually yelling, look out to the people in front of you man there's sparks coming off the rim of at the back of your rascal scooter

you're driving on the rims lady yeah she stubs her toe and has to call triple A. Oh, that rules. Oh, man. Yeah, she uses fix-a-flat on her feet. Just to get back up. Yeah. She's sticking that thing in her toenail and just turning the crank so here's here's because that this thing is like

if you want to like objectively be like the thin obsessed world be like a person who's 30 pounds overweight right sure not 377 pounds exactly like a 29 BMI or something yeah exactly

it's not the same as like being like our non-drug addicted world. Yes. You don't hear meth heads being like, well, you know, I just choose to live as a meth head. Here's how you know it's all bullshit.

When she blew up and she got a bunch of money for writing books about, you know, eating ravioli. Were the books just like nutrition facts? Yeah, they were written over the top of a Waywatcher's book. The whole book was an order she made once.

Yeah, it was the Cheesecake Factory menu. Wow, she got 300 pages out of that. So, yeah. Once she got a bunch of money, I didn't this okay and by the way she is a vicious hateful motherfucker i do not care you've ruined your life people who she's trying to destroy their life so she what's funny about roxane gay as soon as she got all this money you know what she did what she got a gastric bypass surgery yeah of course she did that's is that what it is called gastric bypass so why why'd you do that if it? Gastric bypass? So why'd you do that?

If it's fine to be that way. Why'd you do that? Apparently. With all your money immediately. I think she thought she let people down by leaving a bunch of... I'm not really sure. By living eight years longer. That is the really toxic thing.

That community is like... They'll be... Like Rebel Wilson, I remember, lost weight. Or Adele. And these other fat women were like, this is disgusting that you've prolonged your life by like two decades. Like made everything about living like better.

Yeah. No, it's sick. It's actually very sick. You're going to get to grow up to watch like your grandchildren go to school possibly. You won't be in pain in the final moment. It's boiled crabs in a bucket is what it is. It's boiled crabs in a bucket. It's soft shell crabs in a bucket. That's what it is. It's boiled crabs in a bucket.

It's sauce shell crabs in a bucket. It's people that go- It's crab rangoon in a bucket. There we go. Getting better and better with each pass. People upset, you'll never have the feeling of an elephant on your chest. Wow. Guess she's out of the elephant on the chest club.

5.77. Look who wants to breathe Wow Lookie here She made it to the ambulance What a bitch She's one of these retards too That clearly doesn't care about art Because as soon as she became famous

She like didn't put out any books She hasn't written a book And like No she just has like book clubs And she tweets She just tweets She just tweets All she does is tweet You told me't written a book and like, no, she just has like book clubs and she tweets. She just tweets. She just tweets. She just tweets.

All she does is tweet. You told me she wrote a book. I'm like, I guess maybe once. But all I know her for is just trying to ruin people on Twitter. Well,

then Nanette, Hannah Gatsby did the same thing. Oh, as soon as they get a bunch of money and become famous. Yeah, she's like, I'm not doing any specials

and she's like, I'm just doing art exhibits and like, she's like got paintings by Hitler and shit. It's like funded by the Sackler family. Did you know that? Yeah, she's like, I'm not doing any specials. And she's like, I'm just doing art exhibits. And she's got paintings by Hitler and shit. It's funded by the Sackler family. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah.

I forgot the Sackler exhibit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would have had a Sackler-funded art exhibit. But then wasn't that the shit on Pablo Picasso? It was the shit on Pablo Picasso. Because she goes,

yeah, at least Hitler never raped anybody. That's like the whole point. They didn't rape anybody. That's like the whole point. They didn't rape anybody. That's how she would say it. Yeah. God. Fucking.

Can you imagine? You know how hot it is in Australia? You know how fat you gotta be to not lose weight in Australia? Just from the sweating. I mean, it's a sauna every day. They gotta be the healthiest people on earth. She grew up on that really shitty island south of Australia. I mean, it's a sauna every day. They've got to be the healthiest people on earth. She grew up on that really shitty island south of Australia.

I think it's called... Hometown Buffet. Yeah, the island with the chocolate fountain. Was that the island with the unlimited soft serve? Oh, she grew up in the island from Sunny with a Chance of Meatballs. unlimited soft serve. She grew up in the island from Sunny with a Chance of Meatballs.

I'm such a retard. I think it's called Tasmania, but I think that only exists in Looney Tunes. No, Tasmania is real. I think it's a real place. It's a real place? The Tasmanian Devil is a real thing. It's not the actual Devil. It's not just from Showo Guys t-shirts.

thing it's a real thing it's not the actual right it's not just from show guys t-shirts there's a place where bugs bunny really lives yeah it's where michael jordan played all those aliens right tasmania uh yeah she got a doctorate from the university of tasmania yeah yeah good apparently i don't know anything about art apparently she's also a very bad art critic as well. Because a guy from the New York Times who's like the biggest art critic was like, yeah, these pieces are put together sloppily. This actually, just from an artistic perspective, this sucks what you're trying to say. And then I saw she posts on Instagram. She's like another cis white man.

Right. Angry at me for. Hey, what are you? Yeah. You're a cis white man at this point yeah you're rich you're white you know gay yeah you wear stupid you want to fuck women you're the same as me bitch we're in the same boat you tell me you couldn't walk into a country club right now get a membership yeah exactly yeah kidding me they fucking think you're harrison ford

Exactly. Are you kidding me? They fucking think you're Harrison Ford. It's the problem is that fat people, they just, it's like everybody over the last five years, they just saw what black people were getting and they're like, I just want a cut of that action.

It looks so sweet. Yeah, it's true. And it always backfires on you eventually. Well, wasn't the exhibit called Poblomatic? Yeah, Poblomatic. That is. Oh, God damn it. fires on you eventually well wasn't the exhibit called pablo matic yeah pablo man that's really bad i can't believe that thing didn't get domestic terroristed you know how bad you got to be when you're saying all the things that you that you have thought like the recent world wants you to do and say and they still go it was pretty shitty yeah like it still sucked

like that was bad that's yeah like women with like shaved head and nose rings are like yeah no thank you like enough sorry sorry she claims she's autistic by the way yeah it makes a lot of sense whatever that's another added to the list someone tried to do an ah gotcha moment to her and she's like actually actually I'm autistic yes that's why that's why we all make jokes all these podcasts all these people that are like kind of fringe but like get support we all make fun of fat gay retards

these people are doing the same thing they're making a living off of like I'm fat I'm gay and I'm retarded come check out my exhibit I've turned all these things about me into a zoo exhibit hey great news guys

I've still I still love capitalism and I've used it about all these things that fuck people up exactly right God

enough if you hate it all go live in your fucking shed with your weird you know hypoallergenic dog and make tea

for the rest of your life. Yeah, disintegrate into dust. Yeah, enough. I'd love to see her fucking plane go down. Whoa. Whoa. She probably legally can't get on planes. Yeah, exactly.

When she goes around the world by boat. They go, ma'am, how many Krabby Patties have you eaten? Yeah, she does look like Squidward in that one episode. She really does. and Liz her and fucking Roxanne Gay go to the same tailor where they get they're like can you buy the jeans that look like there's a way you put a bunch of it's like bubble wrap

it looks like there's peanuts in the legs mate their tailors to their tailors in physical therapy right now he's blown out both of his hands just from sewing. They're both so fat. If they walked into a Brandy Melville, they'd be sniped.

What's a Brandy Melville? It's like a place that doesn't cater to fat people. Their clothing ends at a certain level for women. Do they go up to medium? Women like it, I think, because it's one of the few places that is kowtowed to the new fat acceptance thing. So if you're a woman, you go, I'm going to try and buy whatever, something on AbercrombieandFitch.com.

All the models are fat as shit. So you have no idea how it would look on you unless you gained 300 pounds. That's so funny. So Brandy Melville is the only store that's still like, no, no fatties. That's so funny. So there's a, Brandy Melville's the only store that's still like, no, no fatties. That's it.

I think they might have one location in New York where the door is like a certain. So you can't get in. I swear to God. That's a cattle guard for fat people. Yeah, people are like really pissed off about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. If I was really fat and I wanted to protest that i would go get myself stuck in the door every day and like the fire department has to come have them airlift you out like homer when he goes on the water slide yeah it's just the thing at the end of the day

like if you're actually okay like if you do the work of being okay with yourself like number one like try to just be healthy number two do the work of being okay with yourself we're like i'm yes i am fat and i don't mind that right and then you won't have to change the entire existence around you yeah you know if you just accepted yourself which is impossible for people to do yeah yeah but it's the most acceptance based culture we've ever had but it's all a lie no one's accepting of themselves no not at all just lie lie lie um no i was gonna say there was a funny video i saw i don't think i said it to you where there's there's like one of those you know buzzfeed videos um yeah if you can look up is the r word okay i think it might come up i

watched this a long time ago um but it's uh yeah i want to see if it comes up real quick god i mean it's hard to tell them apart they all kind of blend in oh oh go go go up go up go up yes do that one this right here yeah let me explain what's happening pause it real quick so i don't know about this this guy probably sucks i don't vouch for this guy also in the video but they did at like one of those buzzfeed type videos where they're like you walk to a place on a line if you agree or disagree with this statement and the statement was they're all mentally challenged people they go the r word hurts my feelings so you have to like walk a certain way if you agree or a certain way if you disagree so okay play the video now okay i wish we could find the

full screen one so people could see it is it this one jace right here yeah well that was posted a month ago though yeah i think that's the full video i think the clip is the one you want to damn it'll get to the meat of it we'll go to the clip and then we'll enjoy that and then we'll go to the longer one yeah yeah okay go to the clip here we we'll enjoy that. Then we'll go to the longer one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Go to the clip. Here we go. It's my feelings. I'm actually really excited to see this. I got a set right here. It's called us in the old world because.

So the joke is he walked to the side of the line that says, I disagree with that statement. It doesn't hurt my feelings. Yeah. Yeah. He's because he's retarded. He messed't hurt my feelings. Because he's retarded, he messed it up and then said he's basically like I disagree with that statement

and then he says it does hurt my feelings. But because he's retarded, it walked to him. I'm sorry, you can't see it. I think this guy's just reacting to it. I've never had a problem saying the word retard. I would never once in my life refer to anybody that obviously is mentally challenged as that challenged yeah i'm not a

sociopath but i don't mind saying it with my friends because the only people it offends think the sun is an orange and i don't they can't think so like why am i worried about them and i i just and if and if somebody tells them how offensive it is that means a regular person with a non mentally challenged brain is being evil and going up to a Down syndrome person going like you know what Billy you should be upset by that you're retarded

it makes it's ridiculous you're doing what you think I'm doing right now you have to do what you think I'm doing to even get them to know what the fuck's going on. But they can't get it because they're retarded. But they can't get it

because they're fucking retarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's send it all to live on that island Anna Gatsby's from. Yeah, let's go to Tasmania. That sounds fun. Yeah.

They start marrying the devils down there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Do you want to watch this, Chase? No, I don't want to laugh at actually retarded people that seems kind of mean isn't that how we make a living

i know but it's but no we we gotta find ones that like have chose we do it with people that aren't diagnosed right we also do with people who have like chose to try and make money yeah by being on camera these people are helpless like right Right. Like, there's no, it's disgusting to make fun of them, actually. Right. This feels more like you just filmed a retarded guy at the bank

and then we watched it on the podcast. Yeah. And that would seem a little mean. What if Jonah Hill was there? Yeah, Jonah's like, my girlfriend, sir.

She starts with guys. She has inappropriate relationships with guys. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Gracie's been a lot lately. Gracie's like tried to

bite me when I got in here. Did she really? It was the first time she's ever been aggressive. I think it's the heat. She's been looking my sunscreen off all day.

I think she's gone damn crazy. She's a little crazy tonight. Goddamn retard. Yep. But we love her, damn it.

But yep. We love her. We're going to get you those pants Hannah Gatsby wears. Because your ass is so big. You put Gracie on a cayenne pepper diet. You just hate her that much. Eating your dog has to be skinny. You give your dog an eating disorder.

By the way, what everybody was like uh saying like back in the day like here's why i don't like hannah gatsby and you know because she's not funny you know she's a blah blah i want to i want to stand up be like i don't like her because she's fat like right like i stand up yeah like at the town hall meeting I'm like can I just hate it cause she's fat you're that Norman Rockwell painting of the guy standing up and you're just going like I don't want to intellectualize it I hate fat people I sit back down

pulling out BMI statistics it's not right it's not right it's not right I will talk about this actually to close okay we're like an hour and five minutes here did you guys you guys want me to tell a story yeah yeah yeah no don't tell a story on the podcast well i was gonna say tell a story well okay i i went to a country club nearby to take a tour sure of it because me and katie were thinking

about joining, but I don't know if we will or not. I hope this guy doesn't look up the show. I don't think he knows. Well, if he looks it. Yeah. Do you have anything in a higher thread count? I'm cutting holes in a sheet.

He's like, now if you have your own clan outfit, you can bring that from home but it does have to meet some parameters to match with the club i'm like i have a i have specific needs in regards to sensitivities to detergents and bleaches and i i like but i like my robe really fresh and i also like the idea of him watching the show and it not getting you into the country club like all we do is shit on retarded people black people and fat people right that's gonna be they're like oh great that'd be insane it's a big fucking approved staff

across at the beginning of the show we should spin a will with those three things and then we turn around we go all right we're making fun of fat people today I guess it should be a big wheel spin it again it lands on black people we go all right this is a patreon uh but dude we got a tour of the place and i took it with another couple who like these people have kids in their late 30s and i don't know how they fuck you see these couples

now and we're like you're both just. Because they did it once. They did it once to have the kids. That's it. Yeah. The larvae. We can't risk that again. We might have a heart attack.

They go, all right, finally, we can eat cream corn every night. Yeah, they're like, I'm glad we got those two sex swings that push our bodies into each other. Like on an axis so we can barely have sex yeah yeah now we finally have an excuse to buy baby food those couples i do love seeing those couples where you're like you could tell if the if like the husband was like proposition for sexy be like i don't think I'm good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the hottest woman.

Yeah, by the hottest. Yeah, like Margot Robbie could be like, can I suck your dick right? And he's like, I got video games to play. Yeah, a guy who's evolved past sex. Yeah, exactly. He's a fucking walking brain.

That's all he is. It's people where they have, you know the new things people have which are called buffalo humps? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it looks like they're growing another brain on the back of themselves. Oh, we've seen them, yeah. You've seen buffalo humps.

The clinical term is called buffalo hump. That's where they keep the Diet Coke. Like a camel. They have to go to the dermatologist and he drains it. It's like a cyst, but just aspartame. He drains it and then he puts it in a bottle and they sell it to Pepsi. They go to get it drained and he hits it with a bat and they sell it to pepsi yeah they go to get a drain

and he hits it with a bat and a bunch of candy flies out dude he kept doing this thing on the tour we're like like you know where the guy's giving a tour of a place and he's like again like we have to keep because someone keeps asking questions it was one of those where he's like again we have to like we have to stay on schedule here like just a double so triple check there's no black people here he's like yes we've answered that what can we finish the tour please so he kept doing like the fat guy thing where he's like so here's so just one more question and he was doing this with his hands and i kept trying not to laugh at it but he had like dude he had we skipped over almost everything and as soon as we got to the menu at the country club i you know he had like 40

questions yeah he's like now is the the i see there's a kung pao chicken on the menu is that seasonal or like could i get that for lunch or for dinner and the guy was like i think yeah it's year round again he's like and the the club sandwich what kind of is it thick bacon is it thin bacon and then dude and then he would be like you're like oh like then he would turn back to his wife who has the one-year-old and he'd be like as a as a fat guy you gotta like know not to do that yeah you gotta know not to do that. He kept asking questions about the menu. You gotta know not to do that. The guy at Subway was like, you know I'm not your waiter. You're not ordering right now.

That would be like a Mexican guy putting on a big sombrero and firing guns into the air. I think he realized he probably made us stay too long at the part where we're talking about the food because the guy repeated twice he's like again we have to like stay on so if no one has any more questions like we got to keep a

move on and then goes oh i'm sorry i'm keeping us no let's go and then we dude the next leg of the thing we went into the the weight room into the gym and i oh god oh no and I see him sizing up all the machines and he's like oh wow he's like not he's like this

he goes he does this this is the first thing he does he goes he goes wow it has that

new machine smell yeah he's so he's so fat he has to smell it which he's used to yeah he's like trust me I know i know a new machine

smell completely they're always new with me never been plugged in he's walking up to a treadmill and he goes he goes so this brings your burger closer to you is that what it's for so the guy goes he goes and the thing about all these machines is actually direct tv it actually goes into every single machine in here onto the screen and the guy goes wow holy cow i don't think i've ever been to a gym where they have something like that and then his wife walked in because she was doing something with the baby. He goes, honey, honey, so have you ever seen anything like this in a gym? She's like waddling over to him like this. Oh, my God.

And he has to act like he's like, oh, yeah, no, you guys get everything here. You got that one. Is there a George Foreman machine machine dude dude i thought he was literally gonna walk in he'd be like oh so this is the there's a wing of a hospital in a country club what are these machines here there's things beeping and he goes oh this is an icu i see what's going on he's like no i know where all my all my favorite athletes use machines like this like george foreman troyman, who owns Wingstop. LeBron James, who owns Blaze Pizza.

Oh, man. I wish you guys could have seen him because he was a big, fat retard. Both him and his wife together, they were touching 1,000 at a quarter jesus really they were big as fuck they were big as fuck jesus dude i'm lying they were probably like 370 but together in my head i'm like that's like a thousand pounds individually they were three yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah each i mean they're they're both and they were both redheaded so they have they have found each other. They walk in, they go, oh, they look at the workout balls. They go, I double as that sometimes. By the way, I looked at their baby for like a minute.

Their baby was really cute and I was like, but it's... I was like, this is your baby? And they're like, that's right. And I go, hmm. And then in my head, I'm like, it's very skinny. Oh, that baby's fighting for its life yeah they're i mean

they're 370 they're gingers they're gingers dude their common eggs can barely make life yeah yeah it's them having a for life to develop yeah oh god yeah that baby is just like it has like a knife it has like a knife it's like get back it has like a pudding snack it's like get back back both of you yeah swiveling like this backing out of a room i haven't ate in three days all right this is mine just in a baby's trying to diet yeah yeah the baby's uh it's breastfeeding but it's doing a suicide like it's a soda machine her tits have like code red and sprite and he mixes them it's one of those new cook machines that like amC where you can push all the buttons.

New parents. Fuck. I think we made enough fun of enough fat retards today. I think we did some good work here. We put in our quota. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. Devin Costa hate watch pod.

Jace at SideDrogs by Jace. We'll see you next week, folks. Have a good one. Bye, everybody. Bye. Kepala Kepala Thank you.