lemonparty - 046: Country Club Country

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty We shot a golf match in glendale. It's on the patreon now! One hour long. Check it out. ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 #lemonparty #lemonpartypodcast #benavery #jaceavery #devancosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I I wish everyone was killed in like a nuclear attack and then we could finally just truly say names. But it's still, Patreon still works. And we still get paid. Yeah, somehow Patreon headquarters is still around. And like the concept of money still exists. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I like that.

Who are these big-titted men? Oh, this is the picture you wanted to put up. That's the Mike Hubba Hubba family. The Hubba Bubba family. The Mike Fuckabees. Jesus Christ. Dude, that guy, are we recording, by the way?

That guy looks exactly like Meatloaf and fight club he looks like robert paulson dude he does oh yeah they look sarah huckabee sanders looks like she titty fucks him i know dude he looks like such shit that she looks like victoria's secret dude i remember i saw this picture i was like is she was she like not that ugly the whole time i mean her face looks like a can of yeah her face looks scrambled it looks like when like a like a tv you're trying to find the right channel yeah her face looks like when you you read an article about a chimp ripped a woman's head in half and they're like this is the best they could do and you're like okay that's not too bad but you can tell it's been

laid back over like when you rip your cheese off a pizza like it was kind of popped and then shifted a little bit they put her face back together with tape just like drugstore tape I know her poor husband on the right is like actually

like a decently attractive guy yeah but he he's retarded dude they're all right there oh he's secretly yeah he's fucking that guy's titties the whole time this is staying on screen though it's also funny they're they're rooting for the razorbacks so they're all wearing piggy shirts oh yeah they're they're they're swine wearing yeah literally wearing pigs yeah who are the razorbacks was. Yeah. Who were the Razorbacks? What was that? Arizona.

Arizona. No, it was Arkansas. Arkansas, excuse me. Arkansas, right, right. Yeah. Isn't it Fayetteville or something? Something like that. I don't know.

Who cares? It's Arkansas. They all gather in a big pit and they all go, sweet. Sweet. Yeah. And this guy with the sunglasses on, he hates everybody because he thinks they're all black. He's like, the doctor gave me these prescription. Turn everybody into a shade.

I don't quite agree with. So this is the coach, by the way, of the football team. The football team. Does he nurse them with his tents? They get injured. He just pulls out a titty. He's the water boy. He breastfeeds them. Yeah, it's like one of those coolers with the hoses on the end of it that you

you suck the water i love those yeah those are great dude with the little long dicks but you know he kind of you ever see a woman with cans that are so enormous that she she's double bra on it like when you get double bags at the grocery store so it doesn't rip through. Because if she only wore one bra, the milk would just flood. If she took one of those bras off, it would snap her back. Like her top eight vertebrae

would slide off the bottom seven because her tits are so big. That's what she wears it for, like a back brace. He's the head coach of that football team. Yeah, and then she was at one point the orator for the... She's coming out doing the Ray Lewis dance before things. Weirdly enough, these people are the leaders of the free world.

Yeah. Head of sports, head of politics. In a weird way. At the top anyway unfortunately it's not that weird yeah this is this is who runs the world I mean look at him look at those titties

he's gotta get bullied by his own football team that's the funniest thing about like about college sports and shit or just like high school like football like like the coaches all are fat as shit they have tits and they're screaming at at at young men in peak physical

condition it literally looks like Mandingo fighting it's but they're millionaires yeah it's just so it doesn't it doesn't look right yeah no it's guys who whose their bodies look like the monsters from Space Jam and they're walking out and they're slapping that guy's titties like it's the Notre Dame sign.

Running onto the field and they just slap his tits. It is funny because that guy will get in a dude's face who looks like legit like John Coffey. He's yelling up at him. This little five foot five, 400 pound coach.

He's squealing like a pig. And the player can literally just like an accordion. He crushed him with his hand. Yeah. But he knows he controls his entire future. Basically, that's that's how they get away with it. They control their lives.

Yeah. They have leverage over those over those black athletes it's very because they're very there's a guy it's tense when you watch the game there's a guy who looks like john coffee who's like my life i could either be in like fucking like cribs mtv cribs or i could be the literal john coffee i become so poor that i am a black guy. I'm in the 1940s again. And it's up to this guy's discretion whether that happens. Yeah.

I keep seeing one of these big fat coaches in commercials for like American Express or something. The guy who, I don't know anything about him. I know he won a Super Bowl like last year and his son was gay and killed himself. That's all I know about him. Andy Reid? That's the guy.

Oh, I didn't know his son was gay and killed himself. I didn't know he about him. Andy Reid? That's the guy. Oh, I didn't know his son was gay and killed himself. I didn't know he was gay. I think he just killed himself. Maybe he was gay. Is that... When somebody kills himself, do you assume it's because they're gay? I bet he thinks every suicide is because they were gay. Anthony Bourdain, it's because he was gay. David Foster Wallace, famously.

David Foster Wallace. He used to suck guys off and then take that bandana and wipe his mouth with it. Elliot Smith, gay gentleman. The DFW, you know what the F stands for? Oh, and David Foster Wallace? David Wallace. That's a very funny thing to say.

Dave, that you can't say. This is probably on YouTube. When we start the Patreon, I'll say it up top. Because, yeah, a lot of people are left very lost right now. I'm a little lost, too. I'll say it. David Faggot Wallace. Exactly.

But I was just cleaning up an idea. Of course. This is a writer's room, Devin. This is a writer's room and we're not striking. God damn it. Technically, we are breaking the strike. We broke broke the strike but but uh regardless that i believe i was told recently as of like this past week someone told me that his son was gay and committed suicide

andy reed yeah so a lot of people write him letters because they're like my son was gay too and i'm ashamed of him that's just what and then andy reed writes back a letter he'll be like i'm thank you so much like this the world means a lot to me i thought i was the I'm ashamed of him. And then Andy Reid writes back a letter. He'll be like, thank you so much. The world means a lot to me. I thought I was the only one ashamed of my gay son who committed suicide. The letters ran on a Waffle House menu. He signs everywhere.

Thank you so much. Go Chiefs. Tommy Lasorda's son was gay. Famous Dodgers manager. Is that the guy who the bat... You sent me the gif of the bat is flying. He was a really fat Italian guy, and he was the LA Dodgers manager in the 80s. Here's the thing, Jace.

I think these guys are such bad fathers that they think their kids are gay for wanting to spend time with them. That's probably it. No, Tommy Lasorda denied that his son was gay until his death. Until his death. Yeah. His son died of AIDS.

And if you brought that up to Tommy Osorio, we don't. Yeah. He's this guy, right? Yeah. He was beaten to death by Giants fans in the parking lot. His son's that retarded guy in the wheelchair. It was like the end of Brokeback. I don't know. his son's that retarded guy in the wheelchair literally the end of Brokeback

I don't know just got stomped out by Cholos and they had to like spend five million dollars putting in lights yeah so like Edis Del Mar's like

yeah he he was in the parking lot at the NLCS championship no the Dodgers lost a doubleheader no yeah it's fucking his wife. God damn it, what's that actress?

Anne Hathaway calling Ennis Del Mar. He's like, he was in a doubleheader. I told him not to wear that giant shirt. He wore it anyway. Bunch of cholo Americans stomped him out. This is kind of the problem, though, with sports. This is their coach. Yeah.

This guy. Thank goodness that he's all right. He didn't. It wasn't even that. Dude, it wasn't even. An elderly man showing the stands is asshole. Yeah. Because like a bug flew past.

Any athlete would have just like stepped to the side and it goes past. But he got hit and went into like getting fucked position also the bat's like rolling into him what's the big deal just like let it hit your ankle dude he's just full of lasagna he can't move dude he literally like he ate like a lasagna and whiskey every night he thought it was a breadstick yeah no when they want when they want a world series he walks in with a big pan of like fucking noodles. Like it's champagne. That's the funniest thing about baseball is they make like 70 year old men dress up like they might need to play.

I know. Dude, Dusty. I know, dude. It's so funny. Like it looks like he, like there's going to be a big moment in the game where they're like, we're all out of hitters.

And they go, Tommy. And he goes, luckily I'm dressed up for this. Yeah, goes to swing and one of his arms falls out. Falls off his body. Dude, by the way, how do you... How do you fall on your legs? Like you almost do a cartwheel backward. Like his legs keep going.

It actually shows tremendous flexibility for a guy that old. It kind of does. Like he's been practicing sucking his dick in the showers. Yeah. Dude, he tore every ACL in his body. He removed one of his ribs like Marilyn Manson, but to eat it, to throw it over the barbecue. Dude, I actually can't even do that.

I don't think I can do that. And I could suck my own dick when I was little. I can't do that. Timeless sort of is more nimble than us. Or was. Yeah, look at that. can do that either. And I could suck my own dick when I was little. I can't do that. Time illusory is more nimble than us. Or was. Yeah, look at that. Look at that image. Dude, he's literally so unhealthy,

his bones have returned to like baby state. Oh, yeah. Like he has 500 bones in his body. Yeah, yeah. You could crunch him up and just stick him through a mailbox like an octopus. Well, your bones eventually break back up into like a baby like consistency

yeah we're like you this bone here is now in seven bones because you're 80 his skeleton's like pangea like it just drifted apart over time yeah yeah yes there's there's lakes in his body instead of marrow it's cannoli filling yeah dude no he denied um he denied his son was gay and he died of aids in the fucking 80s yeah tommy lasorda he denied his son's gay the kid died of it there's a really good article there's a really good article i read one time just about how like reports would be like so your son like has aids he'd be like i don't he just took a fastball to the head. Yes, we don't get into that. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. His name was Spunky. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Well, if you name your son Spunky, he's going to get AIDS. So I guess the thing is, is that he had a...

He had the coroner, since he could pull so many strings, he had him change it to where he died of pneumonia and dehydration. But I guess you actually technically never die of hiv the virus that causes aids you die of symptoms of the virus right yeah this sounds like you're saying it's not pedophilia it's a fever it's like a technical loophole i'm not gay yeah type of thing no he had a lot of connections he called the morgue and he goes shove his asshole back like people at the

wake are checking they go that's pretty big I'm on my way with some Elmer's glue I'm putting that thing back together like damn it they put a fucking spider tack on his asshole like he's Trevor Bauer oh dude yeah he looked

like Ziggy Starr though yeah exactly yeah he looked like a gay Nazi he didn't even look like, yeah. He looked like Ziggy Stardust. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he looked like a gay Nazi. He didn't even look like David Bowie. He looked like David Bowie's gayest character. Oh, yeah. He played throughout his career. Look at that. He's literally Ziggy Stardust.

Oh, yeah. He looks like he blitzkrieged his ass. Yeah. Beer hall poop. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, poor guy poor guy you know the 80s they we really you know hey blame pouchy yeah they used to take batting practice into his asshole

they were just they have a pitching machine set up and the balls would just keep going into valenzuela would throw that famous curveball right up his ass. Yeah. Mike Piazza. Yeah. Mike Piazza. I want to make sure I'm not. Who's also rumored to be gay. Yeah. Really?

Mike Piazza's gay? Well, no. They started a rumor that he was gay. I think just because he had that mustache. And then Mike Piazza famously said, he goes, that's a ridiculous rumor. He goes, if I was gay, I'd be gay all the way. I wouldn't be a pussy about it. Oh.

Okay. Which is pretty gay. Which is pretty gay which is pretty gay yeah yeah if you don't hit the reporter that asked that that's pretty gay yeah yeah god and andy reed's kid uh was in a relationship with dr pepper yeah yeah andy reed's kid got molested by corn He goes, I know what you're doing in your room with Dr. Pepper. Dude, Andy Reid literally looks like there's a guy in a mascot suit playing him. Andy Reid looks like he feeds puppies with his tits. They use him down at the shelter for all the lost dogs. Yeah, yeah. They use him down at the shelter for all the lost dogs.

Yeah, yeah. He breastfeeds fucking, god damn, Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes, yeah. That's why Patrick Mahomes talks like that. His throat is full of Andy Reid tit milk. So he has to go, no, man, I just hate black people. Patrick Mahomes, I hate black people, man. Hey, can you explain, by the way, the whole thing with Tyler? What is the deal with Tyler Childers? I didn't even know who he was and is he gay all of a sudden because what i understand is

there's this whole conspiracy that tyler childers was a gay guy no all of a sudden he's just called gay by people that hate him for making like i think he made like a blm song right he made a he made a blm so that's balls called a lot of country music yes i actually do think it's balls to in that field be like yeah to be like i'm gonna sell less tickets because i believe he made a song called a long violent history that's really good and people got really mad at him yeah he has a lot of great songs and then he made a song recently i haven't listened to it but the music video is to is two minors spelledR-S. It's about two gay men in love trying to make a life in rural Appalachia in the 1950s. There you go.

And the music video is two Appalachian minors just butt-fucking each other the whole time. That's awesome. It's great. It's fantastic. I love this kid. I think he makes great music, and I love that. Yeah. I didn't even know about that.

Listen, if this was Billy Porter doing the same thing, I would hate it because he's in an industry where that's applauded and it's actually cowardly. Exactly. But Tyler Childress is doing this in a field of like, his audience is F-150s. If you're gay,

is there a better place to get a blowjob than Appalachia? Yeah, sure, yeah. No more toothy blowjobs, okay? They've lost all their teeth. They're gumming you to death. The gummiest state in the lower 48. Just like throwing moonshine on your dick. You got it in my hair.

Well, Tyler just face fucked me like a clam. I told you, don't get any of that cream in my hair. Now put it in my mouth, it's like a mollusk. Yep. Crack me open like an ice cream. Shoot it down my throat. Shuck me, baby. There's a reason the inside of my mouth looks like a woman's pussy if you peel the lips back.

If God didn't want me to suck you shake yeah then why did he make my lips look like pushes guy guy covered in coal after a 16 hour shift dude isn't that someone once i think someone said to us in our youth that how could you think there's like not a god because look the way our hand fits into a banana or something i remember that we had a youth minister who was like he's like how could you say there's not a god think of the way a banana fits into a banana or something like that? No, I remember that we had a youth minister who was like, he's like, how could you say there's not a God? Think of the way a banana fits in the palm of your hand. You thank God, which is also funny because

you could be like, think about the way a rock card fits right in your ass, mouth, and hands. It's the exact same argument. But this Tyler Childress thing is interesting because this is his Larry McMurtry moment. McMurtry made Lonesome Dove.

And then later he was like, fuck it, I'm going to do Brokeback Mountain, too. And he probably pissed off a big percentage of his fans. To be fair, anybody who would be pissed off can't read. So he didn't have them as a fan. It's actually kind of a good point. It is for the intellectuals of Texas. Yeah, there's no there's no guy who looks like a young Andy Reid in a flatback hat. Yeah, there's no guy who looks like a young Andy Reid in a flatback hat.

Going like, God damn it, I love this Pulitzer Prize award-winning writing about small town Texas. And then you get all faggy on me. Now, he's the poet laureate of Texas, and why'd you gotta go and do that to his name? His legacy. Look at his legacy. They call him the cowboy poet of the town. I haven't seen a unique voice since Faulkner, and I don't care for the faggot stuff he does. Yeah, you're never going to hear that.

Dude, I guarantee anybody who got mad doesn't even listen to Tyler. They listen to Morgan Wayland and fucking Luke Combs and that bullshit. They just heard the one song that Tyler Childers has about doing coke late at night, and they're like, yeah, he's on the playlist too, and then they found out he... Yeah, exactly.

He made a song where he likes black people. Yeah, these are guys are guys when they figure out fast car was run by a black woman they're the top of their hats are gonna explode they just show exposed brain at the end of the day it does make sense they do be driving they oh so the song's about how she stole that car and that's why they gotta drive it fast now Now I get it. I thought it was about the movie Cars. I thought it was written by the Larry the Cable Guy truck. My favorite country and western song is that song Luke Combs does about the Fast and Furious movies. It's a song about family.

Can I say, by the way? Yeah. I started ironically listening to Fast Car by Luke Combs. Sure. I've been listening to it non-stop do you on my way to and back from the golf course i can't i've listened to it like 400 times and i'm i tried okay so here's the thing last night as a test i tried to put on uh the original by tracy chapman and i thought it stunk so i'm like a Luke Combs fan now I ironically

but here's the problem with this is is anytime he goes I'm racist hear me out no no no you don't understand it's cause she's black you're confused no it's cause she's quick I don't even think

she's gay I think she's just ugly. Well, people assume she's gay. She just has a short haircut. Yeah. She's gay. She looks like a WNBA player. Right. Yeah.

So she's just an ugly straight woman. Yeah. Yeah. There's some straight women that are just manly. It's fine. But what I'm saying is that... There's some straight women who just look like Fred Ward for some reason. The problem is, is anytime someone who is a country Western singer covers a song, it's almost always better.

I'm gonna give you a few examples right now because you're about to start shitting on me. But let me build a case real quick before you bury me six feet under the ground. Let's go. Sergil Simpson's In Bloom is better than In Bloom by Nirvana. And I will fight fucking anybody on that. And, by the way, The Promise is one of the best songs ever made, I think. And Sturgill's cover of it is actually as good. It's not better.

It's as good. Johnny Cash, almost any time he covered a song, it was almost always better than Tom Petty's versions, than Nine Inch Nails and all the other ones Willie Nelson's cover The Scientist is better than

Coldplay Gay Coldplay he also has a cover of Just Breathe by Pearl Jam that's very good yeah but a couple of these

I pissed off a lot of people by saying everything I just said because people love Nirvana and I'm not saying In Blue by Nirvana is bad here's the problem

with your argument those people are good at making music. And Luke Combs isn't. Luke Combs, like, that song sucks ass. So that's the problem with your argument. I know, but I can't stop listening to it. I don't know why.

Yeah, it's like I asked you to defend a five-year-old's drawing, and you go, well, look at Picasso doing his sad man with guitar painting. And I'm like, that's not, that's not equivalent. Also, I love, I love you saying, I don't know why. I don't know why. What is it?

I loved Tracy Chapman's version and I thought I loved her a lot and now I think she kind of stinks. She kind of stinks. Luke Combs version knocked hers out of the water. And I want folks at home,

go home. Next time you're driving around and you're thinking about killing yourself because you're driving around and you're thinking about killing yourself because you're someone who listens to this show and sure it's something we all have in common here we all go to dark god bless you all when you take going would you take a break from watching the show to crawl out of the basement smoke a cigarette at 5 a.m and really think about doing it this time and you're like oh wait there's one more live stream

i can watch i won't kill myself yeah yeah take a listen to slow car or fast car by luke combs i just go listen to fast car by luke combs like ironically at first and start laughing your ass off and then try to go listen to tracy tracy chapman's version is too slow and luke combs sped it up in this nice like corporate way dude you know what it is it's like I made great party wings the other night. Like I made like a Wingstop style wings where I got wings at the farmer's market. I made this buffalo sauce and I baked them. They were amazing. But I also sometimes I kind of do want Wingstop.

It's kind of like a homemade chicken sandwich versus a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich. Sometimes you want the Luke Combs version of the song. This is how a schizophrenic man would make an argument. You might as well be fucking Charles Manson in an interview. You know what I'm saying? I roll the dimes, Jack. I'm the king of the underwear.

I make the money, Jack. I ate all your fingernails. I have your teeth in my face. I killed Andy Reid's son. Have you heard? I fucked him in his ass. I fucked Tommy Lasorda's gay son. I gave him AIDS. Have you heard the Fast Car cover by Squeaky from? Here's how you know it's

just racism. Do you prefer the version of Wagon Wheel by Darius Rucker or Old Crow Medicine Show? Old Crow. I rest my case. There we go. That's kind of a good... I rest my case.

Jay's kind of checkmated me there. Because the Darius Rucker wagon wheel is the same as... It's him going like, rock me mama like a wagon wheel. I mean, look at you, Ben. You look like you just flew back from cheering on Trump live. Yeah, you just heard he was at that like... You look like you were at that frat house

And you were like next to him while he flipped burgers I kind of do look like I work at the gift shop in Mar-a-Lago Yeah You were the warrior in charge of getting frat houses off for rape cases And you look like Trump looked at you and go You little light in the loafers Trump goes, look at him, he's kind of queer He goes, I like a a racist but you're gay

nerd i'm not throwing you a big mac i'm throwing it right over you don't let him get it don't let him get it do not let him get that big mac yeah you look like you look like lee corso just called you a gay slur this weekend lee corso put on a longhorn's head and called you a fag I know what you mean though like with certain country songs and their covers it's just because it takes a whole new vibe and the cab

and you like that whole new there's like a and that you know here's the other thing too we're born on western soil you know people try to adopt these like eastern ideologies and they're denying their DNA

they're denying their ancestors they're denying their deep roots they're denying their ancestors they're not they're denying their deep roots i don't mean this in a racist way right they were born in the western world and there's nothing wrong with that their gums are different than ours you go and their tea hurts me because i don't like and and further the cowboy is really the only myth we really have. Do we really have any other type of hero? I mean, what do we have besides the cowboy?

The man on Madison Avenue wearing a suit? I mean, folks, the cowboy, it's the last thing that we have. Let us have it. Let me have Luke Combs. Jerry Jones hires Ben as the team's phrenologist. Yeah. Yeah. Bins at the draft with calipers in his hand, walking up to players.

Oh, God. That rules. Yeah. Before I dig myself any further, like a grave any deeper, I guess should we try to move on? Sure. Because I will die on this hill, but the problem is the hill's about to capsize. A lot of the other ones you said I can understand,

but the fast car thing is like, I don't know. Yeah, I haven't listened to a lot of Luke Combs music, but his biggest selling point, I think, is that he looks like his fans. Like, that's, I think, why people like him. Yeah. Is he walks out in that fishing shirt and a baseball cap, and he goes, you got a fast car? Yeah yeah it's like the the impression in his voice it sounds like he's a you

know fucking he's the nick kroll of country music you know he sounds like the son of a cpa to me yeah that's fair i could be wrong yeah though he probably is actually rich kid pretending to be like working class yeah exactly but let's see maybe he grew up in the sticks of uh he sounds a little country club country to me he's honestly dude he's probably like the heir to the osage county indians like he probably his great granddaddy yeah his great granddaddy stole the oil money from the natives yeah and that's how he's southern his dad started the tulsa massacre yeah his dad his dad is the coach of the fucking razorbacks the big titty football coach okay we'll do okay so first of all for all the folks at home who are watching on youtube right now you fine gentlemen this is what luke

combs looks like this is him so we have a little bit of content yeah he looks like buzz from home alone all grown up yeah after he was scarred mentally. Yeah. That guy is a great actor, by the way. He is great. He's pretty good in movies. I say great. You know, he's pretty damn good.

He's good. Yeah, he's my Daniel Day-Lewis. Who can forget his work in R.I.P.D. next to Ryan Reynolds? What's that guy's name again? Buzz, I don't know. Home Alone. Hold on. If I knew that, I would... What's his name again? If I knew that know home alone hold on if i knew that what's his name

if i knew that that would be very sad yeah this is him see yeah if i knew devin rattray's name oh yeah he's in better call saul for like a scene yes oh yeah i think he plays like a bad guy yeah yeah he's great no he's great he's really oh he's in nebraska too that thank you to me that i think is a hunk of shit. And I was right, he was in RIPD, a real hunk of shit movie. Yeah, what even was that? It's like, what if men in black sucked ass?

That's the whole movie. So this is Luke Combs, ladies and gentlemen. We're staying on course here. We're gonna find out if Luke Combs grew up, you know, if he, it's a rags to riches story. Let's see if he lived the American dream rags to riches story. See if he, you know, lived the American dream.

Born and raised in North Carolina. Okay. Began performing as a child after dropping out of college to pursue a music career. He moved to Nashville. Well, it doesn't give us much.

Yeah, it doesn't give us much. So who knows? Early life. Here we go. Early life. Combs was born in Huntersville, North Carolina,

the only child of him. Well, you know what they call it? Huntersville. Huntersville, right. You the only child of him. Well, you know what they call it, Huntersville. Huntersville, right. You know what they were hunting. Yeah. By the way, it would be really funny

if we just found out he's Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. Born Luke Komowitz. Was born in Brooklyn to Jaime and fucking Stettle Komowitz. As a child, he performed at Carnegie Hall in his church. Wow, that takes some money. He attended

Appalachian State University where he worked as a bouncer at a bar before getting stage time in that same bar. He paid his dues, folks. He says he played his first country music show at the Parthenon Cafe in Boone. That sounds like a Taylor Swift story to me where she was going all around Nashville He says he played his first country music show at the Parthenon Cafe in Boone. Okay.

All right. That sounds like a Taylor Swift story to me where she was going all around Nashville. Yeah. Also. Yeah. But also her dad, I think, was worth like 20 million dollars. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Had a millionaire father.

Taylor Swift's dad, I think, owned his own investment firm. Yeah. Right. And she is like a white woman cult leader, isn't she? She is like the Jim Jones of white women. Yeah. She hits every white woman bullet across the board. It's unbelievable how popular

that bitch is. I think we were talking about this the other day off the show. I don't even want to get into it. I never want to make fun of her. It'll ruin our whole life. They'll dox. They'll steal the baby from the womb of my wife. We'll wake up and it'll be snatched from her womb. I'll never see her again.

It's true. They will. They're crazy. No, no. They'll somehow drive a tank through your house. They'll somehow get Ukrainian aid money, I tell you. No, Taylor Swift is amazing. Yeah, Taylor Swift fans are like the incels of women. They really are. They'll ruin lives, just mobilize on life.

They'll shoot up a sorority. They will. So yeah, who knows? I don't know, Luke. I don't know. I don't get all these people. Ed Sheeran. I don't understand popular culture.

I don't know. Just like if I hear, this is very right off of me, but if I turn on one song of yours and you're going, you got a fast car. I got a ticket for anywhere. It's, you know. I even like Jace's version better just right there yeah because you can see my face while i do it you believe he owns the car he's not running from

the scene of a crime he did steal it you know what i mean wow yeah right you're like a guy who got it you're a guy who only listens to jazz past like 1995 when black people stopped playing it yeah you're like I like Damien Chazelle's jazz you're like the whiplash guy you're like oh man jazz yeah Chet Baker Dave Brubeck Bill Evans God so many great names William Shatner

William Shatner's jazz Seth MacFarlane's jazz album so many great somebody's like Miles Davis you're like hmm what's that what huh Seth MacFarlane's jazz album. So many greats. Somebody's like Miles Davis. You're like, hmm? Hmm? What's that?

What? Huh? Huh? I prefer Tanner Davis to Miles Davis. Yeah, but anyway, I'm a huge Luke Combs fan now, unfortunately, I guess. I'm going to start digging into all of this stuff. This is the thing. His backlog. What? Yeah what yeah i'm gonna dig into his early work to his early stuff yeah sure you're like dude he covered lead belly and it rules dude wait till you hear luke cobes cover of pick a bale of cotton it's great which is a lead belly song i didn't make that up it's a lead song um and it

would be funny if like he's just been covering John Lee Hooker and R.L. Burnside and all these guys. He's stomping on their graves. He's covering black guys who are made out of harmonicas from the 1950s. Like fucking catfished harmonica black guys

from Louisiana. He's covering. It just reminds me of, I like I have a couple friends with my friend Luke is it was like live lived out here and he he loves this country music because to him it's like he goes and he watches Blake Shelton at

like SoFi Stadium and he like he like almost starts saluting you know general patent yeah because he's just like God yes sir sir yes sir or like I was, I was with, I was with like, Kelly's family, and they're like,

they're like, oh, Texas, you must like country. They're like, we love country. And they put on something called like, you know, Barbecue Blue Jeans.

And it's got like an 808 track on it somehow. It's got like a hip hop track. Yeah, they always have that, like drum machines and shit. It's got a drum machine and just a guy going like, well, I hate the blacks, get out of my town.

What the, what the hell is this? Scoot like get a big old truck get a can of beer and fuck them queers on can of beer tiktok's trying to make my kid gay fuck you queers in california he's performing at an englewood yeah and you're just like this this is not, you know, it's not like country. What's really weird about the history of country music, though, is like Woody Guthrie and those guys were, by today's standards, really woke. He wrote on his guitar.

Have you seen his guitar? No. On Woody Guthrie's guitar, it says, this machine kills fascists. To say her name and stuff. Yeah. He was like an Antifa guy. Yeah, he wrote Ashley Babbitt on his guitar in 1925.

No, he was, yeah, he was a communist and he was more of like a folk guy. Right. Apparently country music and like Texas and stuff has a lot of like leftist roots, actually. A hundred percent. Yeah. Like see, this was his guitar right here.

This machine kills fascists. Yeah, because he came out of like Tammany hall america when like you know corporations were were i mean exactly what's happening now we like literally just let happen again right like it's the big like they use like like the biggest thing is like they use like country music of this to like just fucking talk about like being a leftist is just talking about black like gay people and shit and it's like should just be about like, yeah, you know, I'm just being gay now, but the top 1% of the country owns 85% of all money or whatever.

It should be about the five corporations that run all of our lives. Yeah. Oh yeah. Look at this. Uh, circa 1943 in the midst of world war two, Woody Guthrie wrote the war song talking Hitler's head off blues. It was printed in the daily worker,

a newspaper published by the communist party, United States of America. Yeah you know did you hear luke combs cover of that a hitler rules yeah with a c hitler ftw yeah hitler for the win the face when hitler is cool um yeah no he was like a card carrying communist and shit but this guy is like he's the bedrock of like country music and shit like him and hank williams this is kind of like there's an old there's an old interview i watched of it's like johnny cash merle haggard fucking waylon jennings will the highwayman it's the highwayman and they're being interviewed on like some british tv show and the british guy's like what do you think about you know american politics and it's johnny cash going like well i think you think about, you know, American politics? And it's Johnny Cash going like,

well, I think, you know, we give money to corporations that should mostly go to women and children and poor people. And they're saying, like, the most crazy, I mean, Chris Christopherson's there. He was, like, a known leftist. Was it this right here? Yeah, yeah. I think it's in here, but I don't know where it is.

Oh, okay, it's like a nine-minute... Yeah. But this is them here. There's a great story of Chris Christopherson was at. I'm sorry. I'm being just really gay right now. Chris Christopherson was at a concert in like 2005, like at the Grand Old Opera or something.

And Toby Keith came in the green room. It was like a bunch of country legends. Toby Keith came in the green room and he did like the boot in your ass song and all that shit. Yeah. goes he was joking around he goes hey chris knock off that lefty shit for the concert tonight and chris christopherson like threw a beer at his head and it shattered and he like on his face he goes you ever serve in a fucking war no he goes he goes you ever killed a man and then cashed a fucking check for it and toby keith's like didn't say anything he goes you're not answering my question because you fucking know the answer.

Fuck you. Shut the fuck up. Hell yeah. And then he sat down and then he turned to the Rolling Stone reporter and he goes, sorry about that. He said, that guy's done to country music what Pantyhose has done to finger fucking. Wow. Wow.

Holy shit. That's the end of the anecdote. Yeah. Wow. Hell hell yeah but let's be honest toby keith's way better than christopher i love toby keith to be fair i listen to toby keith all the time it rules i don't know anything about toby dude how do you like me now is like one of my favorites how do you like me now now that i'm on my way you still think i'm crazy standing here today i don't know it how do you like me now now that i'm on my dude it's a great country so like as it just starts off he's like you wouldn't suck my dick but now i'm on tv and i won't even let you suck my dick if you tried

fuck you stupid bitch from my hometown didn't fuck me. Now I'm fucking models while I'm doing cocaine. Because I'm not gay. Because I'm not gay. He did the Red Solo Cup song. I've heard of that, but I still haven't heard it. I don't know. I don't know Toby Keith. I just know he was on the radio all the time.

He's like, we'll put a boot in your ass. It's the American way. After 9-11, he wrote that song, and then one of the lyrics is he goes, we'll light up your world just like the 4th of July. While America was just blowing up brown kids. We invaded a country that had nothing to do with 9-11. We're just blowing. We're turning brown children into mist.

And he's like, like the 4th of July. But I still love it. It's great. They're great songs. I think there's a lyric there where they said i don't know the difference between iraq and iran but i know it's the american way like when he's talking about evading yeah yeah like he doesn't even know what the countries are that we're invading he's just like yeah go go up there just kill him anyway you just get him whoever's in front of you. You get them. He's saying

whiskey for my man, beer for my drones. Anyone eating with their hands deserves to die. Anyone dipping their fingers in a vague hummus-y thing. That's right. You go in there, you knock on the door. You knock on the door like that

and you say, if you don't own a spoon or a fork, you're getting your head blown the fuck off. You're a mush-eating son of a bitch. What are you doing in there eating gruel? How about you eat less? What's that hummus? Is that the shit from the diaper you wear on your head? Say hello to the USA, motherfucker.

But thank you to everyone that did serve. Thank you for everyone that served. Sir! Thank you, sir! Sir! Sir! By the way, I know we talked about on the Patreon, we talked a lot about David Goggins and Jocko Willink.

Sure, yeah. Fans loved it when I did that, by the way. They loved that episode this guy not to brag but there's a picture in the mlb who sent me a reel uh about david goggins and i i couldn't believe what i was seeing i want to play it for you guys real of david of david goggins is it a bombshell david goggins thing no no it's a real his wife uploaded for him on his instagram and it's the craziest thing I've ever seen. Okay.

Everybody is like, yes, sir. Sure. Yes, sir. She had to upload it because he's like he doesn't have Wi-Fi in the woods where he's running. Yeah. He's like, I'm too busy. I'm too busy kicking, getting hard to post. I'm too busy kicking my ass because I have schizophrenia to post.

Let's see how instagram does on here since it's all gay and stuff hold on okay well let me oh here we go okay come on damn it and then it doesn't let why does instagram hate people going on the computer can you play is there some way on your phone next to the fucking camera? Oh, and then I'll play it for you guys, and then I'll put it... Yeah, just play it for us real quick. Shit, where's my phone? Oh, it's in my pocket.

It's in my damn pocket. It's in your pocket. I thought that was just my cock. Your square cock. Yeah. On the side of your hip. My square warm penis here I got it

just wanted to give a quick update so smoke jumping season is coming to an end today is David's last day the plane is leaving he actually jumped a fire last night came home tonight and told me that he and his crew and a few others

were going to be doing a 50k rock tonight um they were leaving base just after 10 30 tonight and it is now it is now 3 11 a.m she's in the car behind him can you pause it so here's the thing i can't really pause the reel oh right right um okay so yeah that's pretty much it but here's the thing. I can't really pause a reel. Oh, right, right. Okay, so yeah, that's pretty much it. But here's the thing. She has like 20 miles left and he woke his wife up and made her follow him in a car

in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of nowhere. For like 13 hours. Just going behind this guy for... He's going... I mean, he's running like three miles an hour with an axe in his hand. Yeah.

For no reason. Oh, yeah. You know every day she's like, is this the he's running like three miles an hour with an ax in his hand. Yeah. For no reason. Oh yeah. You know, every day she's like, is this the time he kills us? Yeah. That whole, she's like,

she's like, I have to upload this video. Cause he might take us to a two plots that he buried. He dug up. Yeah. In the fucking, he's going to take it to a water tank. That will be my grave.

I will be sinking to the bottom. Is it finally time to die from my husband's PTSD? He got from not serving in the war? Is tonight the night that David chokes me to death with the camel pack wires? Yeah, the PTSD he gave himself from going on Joe Rogan and screaming. Dude, I couldn't believe that he's making

his fucking wife do that shit. And everybody in the... Dude, it has... I think, James, correct me if I'm wrong. I think there's 400,000 likes. Oh, you said... 623,000. Yeah, 623,000

right behind you, bud. So everybody thinks it's awesome. Yeah, they think it's great. Mm-hmm. And it's a crazy man running down a dark road in the middle of the night. It's a symptom

for the sickness that lives inside of our world. It's completely deranged. And every American is like, I am mentally ill as well, sir! The darkness is ever near, sir! If people think I'm fucking hard, then I won't

want to kill myself every day, sir! There's people who watch Wolf of Wall Street and take no moral lesson from it whatsoever. No, they're just like, that's sad. They're like, dude, I love Wolf of Wall Street. The moral is like, it's fucking cool. It's fucking dope, dude. I don't understand

why that cop got involved. Dude, I love Wolf of Wall Street, but that cop is kind of a fag. I don't know if I like it so much. What is that? Was he in the military? He was a Navy SEAL here, it says. This is him. What is he, on a cloud?

What is that picture? They go to this beach in san diego and they just be cool he looks fucking cool as shit though he does look sick and that's probably that's like a collision of coffee stole from uh some guy sucking sand over there he took it from yeah that's true he took it yeah that's a gun he took that we gave them in the 80s that's what they used to that's what they used to stir stew dude he is actually kind of really cool now

I think and I actually fuck his wife dumb bitch yeah fuck her she's lucky to be with him she's lucky to have him who bought the car bitch

who put gas in the tank exactly what do you do she's like actually I make a lot of money at a startup that I founded David lost his pension because he screamed too much on Instagram ass in the tank. Exactly. What do you do? She's like, actually, I make a lot of money at a startup that I founded. David lost his pension because he

screamed too much on Instagram. Yeah, David Goggins actually fucking rolls. Did he serve or did he just serve as a training instructor? Those kind of all look like fake pictures. They all look like Chris Dorner. Yeah. Dude, it is funny. He looks like Black Hitler in that first picture. That's kind of funny. He looks like Black Hitler in that first picture.

That's kind of funny. He had a Hitler mustache, dude. Yeah. That kind of rules. Yeah, he looked like a fat kid in Boys in the Hood. Yeah. So does she suck him off and stuff? That is the thing I wonder about these people.

Can they even fuck anymore? No. Because they only get off on pain. He's run so much, he's killed the nerve that leads to his dick. He's just severed it from running. They fuck, but it's just never consensual. It's when he wants. But he can't have rough...

If he has rough sex with someone, she will be ripped to shreds. Like a dog with a cong... A rubber ball of some kind. These guys are all with women that they have to climb on top of. They're like huge. It's always a four foot baddie. Their wives always look like the bartender from Shrek. By the way,

it would be very funny if his wife was like 400 pounds. His wife looks like Brian Urlacher in a wig. Did you know he fucks her? He's just like screaming stay hard the whole time. Look at that. She's like a fucking, like she looks like she goes to Comic-Con, his wife.

Yeah. Yeah, she does look a little like manic pixie dream girl-ish. It says surprising details about his wife. I'm actually kind of surprised here. Yeah. Dr. Umar would not approve of this, by the way. This is just ads. Hold on.

These fucking fake websites. I want to find her. That can't be her. That's a little child. I think that red-headed bitch is his wife. But yeah, that with the weird pigtails and shit. Yeah, I can't. It's all blurry though. Oh, here we go. Maybe his wife's just

blurry. Maybe she's blurry. By the way, everybody. Oh, is she black? I can't even tell. I don't know know i can't even tell i don't think she has tattoos i think on her leg of like scabs she looks like she got she got permanent scabs on her knees yeah from him fucking her no she got she went to the tattoo artist he's like david really is turned on by scabs and flesh wounds you know you know women get eyebrows like tattooed on their head you just tattoo like david can you make me look like an amputee so david can't stay hard during sex can you tattoo him

shooting a child in the head and i rack onto my chest so you can stay hard damn i wish that video uh but oh so the thing i wanted to talk about, too, that I just realized was this is a very strange. Back to the thing. The big thing. Yeah, I forgot about it. I just keep talking about his breasts. You do wonder if he has to, like, have a breast pump. No.

Because they start to hurt. Truly. Like a pregnant woman. He's got to get out some sort of liquid. There's something in them. No, they probably get, like, big and, like, purple and swollen and he has to, like, ice them down. No, he makes. That probably get like big and like purple and swollen. And he has to like ice. Yeah.

No, he makes that guy looks like he makes Woodward Woodford Reserve. Yeah. You know, they have to like cut him up. Yeah. Like he's a boxer. He like they milk him. And it's like that's where Jack Daniels comes from. Yeah. That's how that's how they make barbecue sauce for Guy Fieri's restaurant.

Yeah, that's Stubbs. Yeah, the original name was Tubbs. They had to change it. Oh, is this the Olivia Rodrigo thing? Yeah, this is the thing. So I still don't really know who she is or what she does. I know she sings and she looks like a little kid

and everyone wants to fuck her. She's a big star. Yeah. She's a big star. Yeah. She's a big, big star. She looks like she's 14 or 15 years old. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's like, she's a bae.

But that's what these people do. Like they, they, we now have pretend countercultural music makers. Like, like she's, this is her attempt at being like pretending to be like a punk. So she's doing like a Kurt, a female Kurt Cobain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's what they all yeah yeah it's like half Avril Lavigne half none of it's real anymore there's nobody that's like been like did you hear this

it's Kurt Cobain for like women who are still in fights with their mom but I think she's like number one on spot like this is the you know what I think is I think I've been seeing this on Twitter apparently a lot of like millennial women like her and it's like kind of like cringy i think like apparently maybe not like a lot of young women listen to it's like more so it's our our generation our generation 24 year old women that say they're wine ants yeah like those types of people yeah

probably it's those people yeah yeah well that sucks ass what is the song uh i don't know why it's not playing i wonder if our Wi-Fi went down over here. We're getting cyberattacked. Oh, here we go. So I wanted to just... This is the part. It's like terrible. Yeah.

Yeah. That's her version of doing like a punk rock scream or, you know, like an actual good musician screaming. And it's like you feel them. You know, but it's corporate and very fake. Yeah. Oh, dude, she's doing like, She can be feminine and fucking punk She can go back and forth

Dude she can be feminine but she can also suck ass Yeah I guess I just don't get it You know what they should do Give me Just pick the Asian guy who plays the keyboard In School of Rock let him be A famous millennial. Lawrence? Yeah, I'd love that. Lawrence. Yes, yes.

I think he was killed by his parents for acting. I think he's dead now. Yeah, he didn't pursue math. Give me that bassist girl. I bet she's really hot now. She's like 35 by now. You are a talentless whore and you look like a 14-year-old. Well, everyone wants to fuck that lady apparently.

But she looks like a baby. We have a culture of wanting to fuck kids. That's why, who's that down syndrome bitch that's in that show called like one of the days of the week?

It's called like Thursday or something. Wait, what are you talking about? There's like a down syndrome-y looking like dumb bitch that's in like a show on Netflix. It's called like Thursday.

I need more, Devin. Come on. Give me more. It's called like 9. I need more, Devin. Come on. Give me more. It's called like 9 to 5 or Monday through Friday. Wednesday. Oh, yeah. Wednesday Addams. Wednesday.

She plays Wednesday Addams. Jenna Ortega. Every single famous person. I mean, like, I think it should be considered pedophilia to even enjoy Zendaya's acting. Zendaya, like. Zendaya, people think she's hot because she looks like a Thai boy. Yes. That's why they like Zendaya's acting. Zendaya, like... Zendaya, people think she's hot because she looks like a Thai boy. Yes.

That's why they like Zendaya. Zendaya looks like she has dirty knees and she's been fucking climbing trees all day and you fuck her after she whittled something out of wood with your daughter. She's basically Mowgli. Yeah.

You're jacking off to Mowgli. It's fucking sick. What, do you want to fuck her in a treehouse jack so now it looks like she got thrown out of a barrel in like a fucking whorehouse in thailand yes yeah and that's who we look up to now used to be like you know we had like men that were in like world war ii that were actors or or and the women the women at least used to look like women now the hollywood's hottest couple is tom holland andendaya. And they both look like they're fucking children. Jenna Ortega is legitimately you should go to jail for thinking she's hot.

She's like four foot eleven. She's like 80 pounds. It's like you want to fuck a. You want to fuck a woman. You want to fuck a 12 year old girl. Whose face doesn't look like it's fully formed yet. Yes. Like she's it's still.

Her nose is still growing. Right. We only have one year of this nose. That type of shit. It's literally like, I want to fuck her because she doesn't have pussy hair yet.

And I think that's pretty cool. Yep. Yeah. She's shaved, but that's because she hasn't grown any hair yet. She's shaved, but that's because

she's trying to grow hair. And she heard if you shaved, it'll grow hair. I guess that's a pass for Lemon Party. Yeah. Pass. Pass.

Hard pass. We're not pedophiles like you people. Dude, these men that are jacking off to like Jenna Ortega and Olivia Rodrigo, they need to be in handcuffs.

No, they're literally... The cuffs need to come out of the computer as they're... Yeah. They're literally like, dude, she's so hot. She has no tits,

no ass, no hips. Dude, she looks like an 11-year-old boy and that's hot as fuck. That's so sick, dude. I finger her with a blown-up doctor's medical glove

that I turned into a turkey. It's in my fantasy. All the time I want you all the time. And then she tries to scream like a real woman, and you can't even hear the scream. The scream stinks. Yeah. Back in the day, she was replaced by Courtney Love,

her role in society. Yes. And Courtney Love like actually wrote good songs. And had big tits. She's fucking hardcore. Had big tits, got Kurt Cobain to kill himself. Yeah. She was fucking punk rock. She actually did heroin.

She probably killed Kurt Cobain. Maybe not, but whatever. She was a part of it. She was at Comedy Central Roast raping Andy Dick. Yes. That's hardcore shit. These people are fucking, it's fraudulent. She was doing Comedy Central Roast raping Andy Dick. Yes, that's hardcore shit. These people are fucking, it's fraudulent. She was doing great stuff.

Recently, I saw her in like 2018. She was riding that bull at Saddle Peak Lodge or whatever the hell it's called. The bull now has AIDS. Wait, Courtney Love was? What's that place up next at the Comedy Store? Saddle Ranch. Saddle Ranch or Saddle Peak?

Saddle Ranch. Saddle Ranch. She was like riding that bull. It's one of the saddest places on Earth. Her tits were just going all over the place. It was like Haley's Comet. They would come, they would go, and then come back around. It was amazing to watch.

That was actually Andy Reid. He was riding the bull. No, no, no. Devin, you're mistaken. She was riding Andy Reid. There was no bull. Yeah. In the off season, Andy Reid is a mechanical mechanical bull at saddle ranch by the comedy star mike huckabee uh senior was actually on top of the

uh i know we already did like a whole episode on mike huckabee's sons who like killed and tortured dogs but i do i i refrain from bringing them up all the time i know dude it's the only one it's the only one I like that I've ever sat on here is that they look like the mascot for their own barbecue sauce. You said that? We said that on the show. Oh, you said that? Yeah.

I think about it all the time. Yeah. I just, for the folks at home. For the folks at home who maybe recently figured out about the show. Yeah. And haven't made it back. I just got to show them a picture of. Yeah.

David and John Mark Huckabee. Look at them. Which one do I show? That one's the best. Oh, here we go. Look at that picture. They look like they got kicked out of a barbershop quartet for being too fat to sing. They look like the

fattest men on the chain gang. Here's a better image. Here we go. Oh, God. It's so beautiful. Wow, look at them. And so she would grow up to... Be Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Huckabee Sanders. Yeah, she married Colonel Sanders. So the brothers could get all the chicken. And they're in vertical stripes, mind you. Yes. Vertical stripes. Which is supposed to make you thinner, right? And they took this picture with a Sega Genesis.

And still, they look enormous. Yeah, it's pretty brutal. You know you're fucked up when the healthiest part of your body is your hair. Here's what someone made. Oh my God. Someone made this up. Oh shit, that's so so funny They replaced it all It's making me laugh so hard

With one son's face I think this is the one that Shrung up that dog in a tree and beat it like a Piñata he thought there was candy inside of it He thinks there's candy inside all living things. I got to find the other photo. There's another. It's this one, but not the Photoshopped one.

Hold on. I think it's right here. Yeah, there you go. There it is. I mean, just brutal. Yeah. Look at that. They look like they raped themselves.

It looks like every member of the family got molested by themselves. Dude, Mike Huckabee looks like he went in a closet and touched his own asshole when he was a boy holy shit yeah jesus christ the dog yeah did you know that mom's pussy must look like fucking like unused cookie dough at the end of the day at a pizzeria. Dude, I bet her pussy looks like the monsters in Tremors. What are they called? Graboids. Yeah, graboids. Yeah, we talked about that. Pussy looks like a graboid. She's crying, by the way. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is weeping.

Her family was so ugly it fucked her eyes up. I'm trying to look at them. She went blind trying to look at her. Her dad. The family's so fat, she tried to look at them. She went blind trying to look at her dad. The family's so fat, she tried to look at them all at once and went cocky.

It was like staring at an eclipse. This brother, I guess, is not as bad. I think he can maybe get some pussy. Sure. He's got like a confidence about him. Well, you know that meme where it's like, it's big boy season. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah he could get pussy in like the gray zone of like is it consent or not yeah you know yeah he looks like tommy kill everyone in the bahamas he really does

look like the uh the best friend in a goofy movie yeah max's friend yeah friend. Did he have a... Is that a mugshot? What did he get? Yeah, he said he beat a dog to death. So he's the twisted one, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah, and he also brought a gun on a Spirit Airlines

flight or something and started waving it around. Spirit, you get a discount for that if you bring a gun on. He beat a dog to death because he wanted its food. He goes, Mama always serves me pettigree. Well, the dog should know better than that to get near his bowl.

Yeah. Yeah. The dog ate a scrap from his plate and he just reached in and ripped the dog's insides out. Again, I'm making sure I'm not wrong. A 17-year-old David was serving as a counselor at a boy scout camp when he and another boy allegedly killed the stray dog jesus wow yeah that's crazy jesus christ that's like the same as like the columbine kids yeah fuck good lord uh they but then they started alleging on larry king in 2007 that the dog had

mange oh right and then they had to put it down King in 2007 that the dog had mange. Oh, right. And then they had to put it down. What, that it was like rabbit or something? So what, he killed the dog because it smelled? Yeah, that's not even rabies. Yeah, that's not rabies. Mange just means the dog has fucked up fur. Yeah, it's just that it's moldy.

That it's moldy and shit. He's like, the dog had a rash, so we had to beat it to death with rocks. So then Animal Rescue- The dog was napping! with rocks. So then Animal Rescue... The dog was napping! Then Animal Rescue there said that they had been

torturing the animal before they put a blade to its throat. Jesus! Christ! They're acting like fucking like Puerto Rican

gang members. And the other thing, I think he brought a gun. Like, he literally brought a gun to church or something and, like, pointed it at someone's head. I know.

I mean, Mike Huckabee's literally going on the news and going like, gay people should be killed. They're foul, disgusting creatures from the dead. And his son is like doing saw traps on dogs. Here it is. Police reports indicated that then 26-year-old David was arrested in Little Rock at the airport as he attempted to board a plane carrying a loaded Glock pistol.

Yeah. Oh, my God. It's amazing. It was a salt gun. He was trying to season everybody on the flight. Dude, after he was released from jail, he said, yeah, it was a silly mistake. Silly mistake. Yeah.

And he said, it shouldn't affect my father's presidential campaign. Well, it did. That's very funny. It did. But he did, it shouldn't affect my father's presidential campaign. Yeah. Well, it did. That's very funny. It did, but he did get his own show. He served 10 days of community service, which just meant he kept trying to flush one of his shits. Yeah. Which was causing a lot of problems for the town.

His community service was cleaning up all the dogs he killed. I'm sorry, folks. We've been doing this show for almost a year now, and we get to talk about Mike Huckabee's son once a year. Once a year, we get to pull his fat sons up and talk about them. I just love looking at those goddamn pictures of them. Can you pull up the one on the top right corner

there? Yeah, is he gay there? Jesus. What is that? It looks like Jason Supley. It does. Ethan Supley. Oh, what did I say? Jason. I mixed up Jason Lee and Ethan Supley. It does. Ethan Supley. Oh, what did I say? Jason. Oh, I mixed up Jason Lee and Ethan Supley, the comedy duo of My Name is Earl. Well, they're both Scientologists, so.

Wait, go down. Go down, Ben. Go down. To here? Go down. That's him. An Eggs Benedict. Country fried steak

eggs benedict there he is that's not hollandaise sauce that's brill cream that's right before he boarded the flight yeah yeah I don't know

what this is I there's no there's no picture they don't have a picture there's no picture I don't know I don't know what that was

yeah that looks like what is that Guy Branum this picture here yeah i mean it does look like guy brad kind of looks like uh yeah a number of fat ralphie may maybe yeah ralphie gay very good we got the episode name rest rest in piss Rest in piss Ralphie Mae

God bless you Ralphie Yeah he's a very funny guy I tweeted when he died This is very mean but I tweeted RIP Ralphie Mae 1970 to 2019 pounds That's very mean Very very mean When Very, very mean.

When he was on Last Comic Standing, he thought Dat Fan was a spring roll. Yeah, he was so fat he had to become black, basically. That's why eventually you do get so fat, people just let you say it. Throughout all of his specials, he just said it and no one really cared. It's the same amount of oppression being black and being that overweight. You were not allowed on airplanes in the back of the bus.

Separate water fountain. It has Kool-Aid in it. You have to sit on the back of the bus only because the engine's at the front. Exactly, because it'll just flip the bus over the front. Yes, sir. He was very fat. he was very fat he was very fat so fat he could wear a towel on his shoulder like a black comic yeah yeah by the way i'm if i'm trump's pr guy right now

marketing him for the presidential election because he's looking very good he's in a lot he's in iowa yeah he's doing footballs everywhere he's eating he's eating big bags he's flipping burgers he looks great he went to a college football game right yeah and then he went to like the frat house dude he was getting swarmed by people i couldn't believe he he was like he's like jesus truly yeah he's maybe the most popular politician of all time i'm his if i'm his marketing guy for his presidential election right i think he's doing everything great. Going on Tucker, on X. I can't believe I'm calling it. I'm channeling him. That's the thing.

He's so infectious. So infectious. I tell Trump, we gotta get you up to 500 pounds. We gotta get you up to 500 pounds. To relate you to the average American. The average American, the weight, it's going up a staggering amount. The median it's going up a staggering amount.

The median weight is going up a staggering amount every year. You need to pump those numbers up. How much do you weigh? 290? Those are rookie numbers in this racket. Those are rookie numbers. The average American votes by sticking a french fry through a ballot tab,

pushing the chad through. Dipped in chocolate. Eventually, you'll just be able to like vote for the president at the McDonald's like touch screen thing where you can like while you order yeah you can add a vote to your order of three number

sevens and Trump they go if you order 40 Big Macs you can vote for Trump twice sir would you would you like to vote for the president today it's free don't go get my chicken stuff yes sir for Trump twice. Sir, would you like to vote for the president today? It's free. Can I get him a chicken, sir? Yes, sir.

You can still get him a chicken. Is it made out of chicken? They go, no. He goes, good. As long as I can get a bug-meat chicken and vote for Donald Trump. I voted for Donald Trump because he told me I could rape my mom.

The guy who loves Trump because he wants to fuck his daughter. Yeah. Dude, he's like, same brother, man. Yeah, me and you were like one of the same mind, brother. We both want to fuck

our big titted daughter. Wish my daughter was as good looking as yours, brother, but I'll settle. I'll settle for the beast in the room yonder. I'll settle for my wildebeest daughter. That I keep in a stable. I'll settle for my daughter who sleeps on a mound of hay. You have to change your daughter's bedding by getting new hay. She just sleeps in the kiddie pool.

She sleeps in the vinyl kiddie pool out in the front. There's some holes in it from all the hell we had lately, but it gets the job done. It keeps the snakes out. It's been getting colder that lately, but she likes it that way. It gets cold at night, but I sleep on a bed of coals. I go out there around 4 or 5 a.m., and I wake her up by laying on top of her and just sort of wiggling around.

And then her eyes unfurl, and I go, hey, baby, good morning. I go, oh, hello, good morning i go oh hello good morning i lost you i gotta i gotta i gotta halfway through i had to remind myself to pay attention to the bed because i kind of just lost it oh god yeah but i do love that trump Trump's campaign is going to frat houses and going Saturdays are for the boys. Yeah. But he gets like four million more votes in the election. He's doing all the right things, but he needs to...

It's that Matthew McConaughey quote in Wolf of Wall Street when he meets Matthew McConaughey for the first time. He says, those are rookie numbers in this racket. Yeah, he's got to pump those numbers up. About jacking off, yeah. Yeah, and Trump needs... He should start jacking off more, too. He should.

I don't think he's jacking off enough. You can kind of tell. You could tell, but I think that's why he's so great. It's because he's running off of pure fucking, he's not relaxed. Goo juice. He's keeping that stellar spark of the soul within him. He's not letting that out into the toilet bowl. Trump's a no-fap guy.

Trump goes, I made it 20 days, had a relapse. I love how they do call it a relapse, the no-fap guy yeah trump goes i made it 20 days i had a relapse i love how they do call it a relapse the nofap guys with the porn stuff yeah well they just jack off again yeah like had a relapse last night brother it's all a asa kira billboard we and we ho yeah you relapse on jacking off and then you listen to that song uh rehab by uh oh no it's called is it called bartender i really did it this time broke my parole and had a good time guys who jack off and then listen to the needle and the damage done yeah i think it's about them that's just the guy at tight ends the wing bar he's just jacking off some guy uh either messaged me or commented i can't remember saying that that tight ends that we talked about two episodes ago his he said his brother and his

dad uh lived down the street from that tight ends and they go every week on sunday and it's exactly what that's beautiful after church yeah that's beautiful's beautiful. Yeah. Mm hmm. It's like church. Yeah. Like black people, church suits. Yeah. And they walk into tight ends. Yeah.

Yeah. It's awesome. Well, that's been the episode, folks. Patreon dot com slash 11 party. We're going to go to a diner and I'm going to get some hot and cabbage soup. Hot and sour cabbage soup.

It's been my new thing. I tried it last week. It's very delicious. It's got a bit of beef in it, too. It's incredible. It's not a vegan. It's an unbelievable soup. It's been my new thing lately. I tried it last week. It's very delicious. It's got a bit of beef in it, too. It's incredible. It's not a vegan thing. Unbelievable soup. It's great soup.

Not vegan, though. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party for bonus episodes every Friday. And then we also do live streams, which is not the podcast. It's just a fuck around thing where you can chat and kind of watch videos with us that you want us to watch and all that stuff on the Clips channel. We put the live streams there

in case we do something wrong and we don't want to get our main channel taken down. Yes. And anyway, Devin, hatewatchpod, Jace, at saddrawingsbyjace.

And that's been the show. I'll see you guys next week. God bless you all. Thank you.