lemonparty - 047: Bowling for Applebee's

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

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It's beautiful. Love is a beautiful thing. They're eating a ramen thing called Chapaghetti. Chapaghetti. Named after when Ted Kennedy killed that lady, Chapaghetti. That's what they were eating in the car. Yeah. It's the only ramen that'll make you uh drown

you'll find liquid in your lungs when you die and you watch the waiter that you killed drown and you just go like oh no don't no don't do that uh i'm a kennedy don't die go breathe try to breathe anyway i'm just gonna kind of backstroke out of here anyway i'm gonna make a call to pop right i'm gonna use my retarded sister as a flotation device. Check, check. As a pool noodle, I'm going to use Rosemary Kennedy. That's what they use her as, a noodle? Mm-hmm.

There's old Kennedy clips where they're vacationing on Nantucket and they're just floating on their retarded sister out in the middle of the ocean. They're surfing on her. Or Martha's Vineyard, excuse me. It would be funny to show your grandmother nick acado and he's she's like is that chad kennedy is this right is that brando that looks like the actor who raped me in 1956 you're like you're like grandma brian did He's like, I was at the Coco Cabana.

And the boys used to just treat me like a pinkishie. They called me the bowling alley. That's gotta suck when you have like a whore grandma when she's going through Alzheimer's, you know? Oh yeah, she keeps letting things flow. Yeah, she's like a nice grandma in her whole life and then she's like, I hate to fuck black guys. Good to die.

She's got, like, the beeping machine next to her, and you're like, Grandma. All the, like, grandkids are there. Yeah. Great grandkids. And she's very racist and regretful, so she says the even worse thing. She's like, they should all be killed.

They should be killed because they fucked my pussy too good. She's shaking. I couldn't... She's shaking. I couldn't enjoy sex with Pop Pop because they fucked my pussy too good. The nurse comes in and does like the 13 folds of glory on her pussy. Like it's the American flag. Yeah, two Marines have to come in and fold their

pussy into a triangle and then hand it to her husband. They have to fly it back from Vietnam. Frank Lucas smuggled drugs in her pussy into a triangle and then hand it to her husband. They have to fly it back from Vietnam. Frank Lucas smuggled drugs in her pussy. Yeah, it's fucking, it's the notebook, but he's just reminding her how good she got fucked by the Harlem Globetrotters.

It's fucking James, whatever that guy's name is. The guy from Maverick. That old ass. Anyway, who gives a shit it fucking cares it must have sucked like because you know like james joyce he i thought he went blind because i was like oh like do you go blind because he was like such a genius you know like his last book finnegan's wake he wrote it in crown like one letter on a page because he was losing his vision and turns out he just had sex with uh like a thousand whores yeah and he got syphilis

and then his body like slowly degraded over time nothing to do with the guy that also liked shit that we talked about yeah i think with mccusker i think he literally ate so much ass that he like got yeah red uh he got he got pink eye that blind made him blind that's why he had the eye patch because he ate too much ass he ate yeah he had the eye patch so he could eat ass. He would just flip that down and then dive into a fat Dubliners asshole. Sucking too many shepherd's pie farts.

So if you get syphilis, you pretty much, you're done for. I mean, now you just get, I think, a bunch of shots. Yeah. And they kick it out of your body. Capone, right?

Didn't he have syphilis? Really? Yeah. So we all get like a shot when we're born now, so like if we grow up to be a whore we're fine. Yeah, the doctor goes, ma'am, your baby's gonna be a real whore. Yeah, she looks like a slut.

They hold it up like a puppy from the back of the neck. They're like, if you look, she's got a really tight pussy, even for a baby, so we could The doctor goes, I snuck a finger or two in and it was crazy.

Holding a caliper up. It's really tight. Almost like, you know when you get pussy so good, it's like almost too tight. We recommend you already start her on prep you should

you should also put olive oil on her pussy so it stretches a little bit like a catcher's mitt in the world series

yeah you put a rubber band around and then put it under your bed yeah cause you know sometimes pussy's so tight it's like it makes

your dick go numb and then you can't fuck anymore I guess we're we're four minutes in and we've already talked about old woman's pussies and a newborn's pussy. Well, I'm in a good mood today. Me too, buddy. I came in fine.

We both had a lot. Good, you guys broke out of it. You guys were in a little depression, weren't you? Yeah. We had a wild case of depression yesterday. Yeah. I rose out of the, up from the grave he arose, you know? I listened to the Alabama Shakes on the way over here so

I'm doing pretty good yeah that's how you know you have depression is when you like listen to a song you go like it's still life still got meaning I got it yeah yeah I put on music sometimes like I forgot about this stuff I'm a little happier now yeah like a Gangnam

style that's what I like. The Harlem Shake. Smash Mouth. Well, yeah, R.I.P. That guy's in hell right now. You can't shit on that guy. Yeah, why did he? He's right here, by the way. There he is. That's what he looked like. He turned into a muckbagger? His obituary, I clicked on it, I thought

Nick Acato died. Well, his liver was less healthy than Nick Acato's. Yeah yeah yeah now apparently his uh daughter died like right when um all-star took off his daughter uh oh that's so sad no i mean whatever we didn't know him who cares i mean objectively it's not real at least they're together in heaven right now yeah they're both in hell he didn't baptize his daughter in time okay so she goes to hell. But then he became like, he was an

alcoholic for like our entire lives basically. Like post Shrek. Didn't you say there was a clip of him like trying to like kill somebody, right? Yeah, he was like on stage and he was so fucked up. I think he had that thing where you drank so much it makes you turn retarded, kind of. And so he was just on stage like, hey now,

you're an all-star. I fucking love Nazisis go play he was he was just i think he was saying like a lot of like white supremacist stuff and he didn't know what he was doing he didn't know what was going on anymore yeah i think yeah there was like clips of him like somebody's like you do walking down the side he's like i'll fucking kill you. Shut the fuck up. Is this him right here? Yeah, I think so. It says Smash Mouth Singer goes insane at Taste of Foco.

Taste of Foco. I don't know what that means. That's some festival in Riverside where they kill everybody at the end of it. I don't know. It's like midsummer. Yeah, the runs music festivals To like kill people in Stockton It's one of those music festivals that takes place At a yard house It's a music festival slash

Like pest control trap Okay this is the most watched part right here And this is in 240p unfortunately So let's see if it's even worth a damn Okay the damn okay he's coming out he looks like chuck yeager i'm gonna come find your ass i'm gonna beat your ass whoever the fuck you are so he just threatens the crowd yeah Yeah, the Shrek guy. The guy that made a song for Shrek comes out and goes, I'll fucking kill everyone here. He's like, we're going to get Shrek out here.

He's going to beat your ass. He thinks Shrek is real. This is so funny. This lady goes, so glad I decided not to bring my ventilator and wheelchair. Wait, that's real? This is real. What?

This is the description of the video here. So glad I decided not to bring my ventilator and wheelchair out to see Smash Mouth at Taste of Fort Collins last night. What a classless punk and has-been this guy is. Yesterday, while I was at Taste, there were tons of kids there. This is a family event. He called the crowd pussies? Hardly. Our town has heart.

I'd like to personally never invite this man back and kick his butt back into the 90s. Disgusting. My friend caught this on video. Yeah. I'm going to kick his butt back to the 90s. I can't walk or breathe. Yeah. Yeah, and everyone in the comments are like, yeah, this guy's a legend.

A guy with like a feeding tube is just like, I punch a Nazi. Completely paralyzed. Lives in a bubble. He's like, you punch a Nazi. A guy threw a Stephen Hawking voice going, fuck around and burn in. It's National Punching a Nazi Day.

Yeah, that rules. I do love like most of the crowd did start cheering louder. They loved it. They probably didn't think the Smash Mouth guy was that punk rock. I hope Jeff Tederick takes over as the lead band member now of Smash Mouth. He can really wail on guitar. He's pretty good. He's actually not bad.

Yeah. You know, for a guy who voted for the email lady, he's pretty good. Hey, don't blame him. He voted for the email lady. He voted for the email lady. I'm not blaming him. I'm not pointing fingers at Jeff Teedrick. Yeah, I did see there was a headline where Hillary was at, like, just recently made a

press release. She's like, there's no way Trump wins in 2024. And I'm like, you're already. Yeah, it's already setting it up. You're the Steve Bartman of politics what are you doing Jesus Christ if there's one thing I know for sure

yeah she's just doing that yeah anyway not to get into you know the whole no no let's not be the first podcast to talk about Hillary Clinton for a couple hours although that is what the people want something that happened 45 years ago at this point i think people listen to lemon party for our takes on like geopolitics and like yeah like that yeah what's going on around the world yeah

they go i want to i wanted to hear about politics from the hard r women podcast someone actually uh someone uh either message me or, because I read the comments. That's where I feel at home, by the way. I feel at home in the comment section of like mukbang videos. Because, I mean, where else are you going to go? Mukbang. I really hate that shit. Is that how you, did you just properly pronounce mukbang?

You're like a Criterion Collection mukbanger. I'm classically trained in being retarded. You're like, you're like, it's, You're like Her name is actually Claire Denis Okay I went to the Juilliard school of being retarded Yeah the comment section is like You're Bane's pet from Batman Like you were born

Inside retarded people Existing And had to climb out Someone said They were like If you really want to diversify your audience with Lemon Party, you guys really need to start covering topics

internationally. Yeah, I saw that one. They're like, do a big thing about a story in Australia and then do a big one in India and do a big one in Tunisia. What do you think this show is? I also like the idea that there's been a bunch of Indians and Tunisian people that have tuned in and they go, it's just not about my country.

So they've turned off. I'm turning it off. There's a Tunisian like, they're just not talking about Shakshuka enough for me. Can't relate. Can't relate. Well, my favorite, we were talking before it started about people who like, you'll make a joke and then people will explain the joke you made to you. Yes. In the comments, like I retweeted that Sean Penn had that article where he was like,

for any people who want to use my likeness for AI, any studio executives, what about I take your daughter's likeness and me and the boys, you know, he basically said like rape her. Yeah, rape them, yeah. Yeah, and then I tweeted a joke about that and somebody responded, he goes, well, I don't actually think

he thinks rape is good. It's just like he's comparing the two. Oh, thanks for that. Yeah. I literally sent him a picture of a retarded guy and it said der across the top. Oh, Brian Regan. Brian Regan going der.

It's the equivalent of like if you're telling a dumb street joke, you go a horse walks into a bar and a guy goes, horses don't walk into bars. And you go, all you know i'm gonna leave yeah i'm gonna check please and they go you know chickens actually do cross the road sometimes i've seen a chicken cross the road in my very good yeah oh thank you for that it's a guy standing up at a chris rock show going there's more than two types of black people there's many types of black

people it's like you, you're very wise. Yeah, wow. Congrats, yeah. Yeah. What were you gonna say, Ben? You had something on the tip of your tongue earlier. Oh, well, I just, you know, I felt a little lonely yesterday.

You know, I went to tour that country club again. And that's definitely not it. Well, I went to the- Your whole life revolves around touring country clubs. Do you walk there barefoot, too? You're like the soloist for country clubs. You're the homeless guy who can't even afford a gym membership, so he keeps trying out different...

He has to walk 18 miles to the last LA Fitness he's got a week left at. Like I'm Forrest Gump or some shit. You walk in covered in shit and you go, I like the two-week trial. he has to walk 18 miles to the last la fitness he's got a week left out like i'm for his gun yeah you walk in covered in shin you go i like the two-week trial like all right well here's there's the water fountain you can go take a shit in and wipe your balls on real quick that's you at golf courses yeah there's a new there's a discount for people under 40 because everyone there is apparently they're just, I've walked through this thing a couple of times now.

They look like vultures just on headstones. Like some lady's just eating dinner and across from her is literally her husband's tombstone. She's like, are you liking the fish? Holding cottage cheese up to the tombstone. Yeah. A guy's teeing off on his wife's urn,

putting the ball on top of it. Everybody's so old, so they're offering a really heavy discount to get young people in. Right. And this place happens to be like four minutes from my house. And you know I hate driving, so it kind of would be perfect. But I got invited to the new member mixer because I still haven't pulled the trigger on signing up yet. Because I don't know if... New member mixer. That's a dark pulled the trigger on signing up yet because i don't know if member mixer that's gonna be that's a dark place man wow that's like going

to a job fair but for like your hobbies that really sucks yeah it was uh it felt like i was just at the worst convention of all time just like i had to wear the name tag that said like hi my name is ben god i'm just walking around and And he was like, oh, I want you to talk to these new members here. And he put me in a corner and I looked up and it was the Great Big Fat Couple we talked about like 10 episodes ago that I already met. Actually, that we made fun of on the show. The guy who asked like 100 questions about the menu.

Oh, man. And then they got to the gym and they're like, we're good. No questions needed. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you had to. Luckily, they obviously don't listen to the show and they have no idea who I am.

Wouldn't it be amazing if they did? There would have been a brawl. No. I think. I think they would know, you know. They'd walk up to you. They're like, hey, big fan. I suck. That was great. I'm a up to you They're like Hey big fan I suck

That was great I'm a big fat retard You guys were right You guys were I fucking should kill myself I should fucking kill myself And you should too Because we're at the same mixer

Twice in a row At a country club mixer He was fucked up too He was like teetering both ways Just because of his blood sugar Yeah Yeah He's drinking a whiskey tumbler

full of insulin on the rocks yeah yeah and dude every i haven't been in like a social situation honestly in like years yeah so like even being out it was it was insane it was so uh it felt like uh those videos when uh people can hear for the first time, it was very overwhelming. And people are just swirling white wine, and they're going, oh, man, Greg on number eight today. It was crazy. Yeah. Just that kind of-

And you're slowly trying to join in. Yeah, and I'm going, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And they go, do you want a cocktail? And I'm like, I'm not allowed to drink. And they go, can you drink water? I'm like, I can have water. If there's no alcohol in the water. If you put it in a little beaker and spray it in my mouth, I can have it.

Yeah, I really just shit the bed the whole time. Yeah. And I think that pushed me through and got me out of my depression, though. Being cool. Yeah, because I was listening to people make like, oh, this guy is more sand than Hasselhoff. It's crazy. You guys got the bingles. You're watching the bingles game with Greg.

I'm telling you. I didn't know people actually do talk like that in social situations. Of course they do. They resort to just like. Yeah. It's. Do you have any pictures of your kids? No, but I do have a couple of Ben Franklin.

It's that. It's that. I didn't know people actually do that. I thought that was like a shitty movie. They're already dead. They died when they chose their major

in college. Yeah. They died at like 18. When they were they were like choosing like they wanted to sign up

for art and then they're like business administration. That's great. Yeah. Like I'd love to work at Diamond Mines Incorporated. Yeah yeah the place was just like under construction too so like i said sayonara after i chugged two uh soda waters with lime in under three minutes i was like i have to i have

to go take a shit i'm sorry yeah i have to go cheat on my wife excuse me i have to go male anthrax to the mirror i just like ran out and I just wandered through this country club, and it was being remodeled. So I was like Jack in The Shining. I was just wandering down these halls, and there were just Mexicans nailing things to walls, and they'd turn around, and they'd go, I'd be like, sorry, I don't know where I am, and I would just keep walking, looking into rooms. There's a guy in a bear mask sucking somebody off. It was weird haunted thing and i came out on the other side and there was this beautiful like golden amber light and the sun was setting and i finally felt free yeah to flee away

from civilization yeah and all it's wrong boy i can't imagine the conversations you were in it's people it's pretty brutal dude it's fucking brutal every man there is like threatening their maid on the phone like i swear to god if you tell her i'll have you fucking the poor and i'll kill you right yeah we fucked we fucked three times yeah it's it's a guy going like i tell you what if the quarter gets any lower all they'll have my head and then he's like excuse me and then he pulls out his bluetooth he goes yes um can you kill the woman I've been cheating on my wife with? Five grand?

Well, can you do four? Can you help her brother out? Okay. He's just calling his assistant and telling him, he's like, hey, dude, you have to burn down the stabbing cabin right now. Yeah. Lock all the bitches inside and burn down the stabbing cabin. Can you Chris Dorner my mistress real quick?

Okay, great. Okay, great. Yeah. All right. And just fake it and make it seem like it was a mess. Yeah, okay. If you need me, I'm going to go fuck this lady at the bar real quick. Okay.

Okay. He's screaming this. So anyway, bleach and lime. I got to go. All right. Toodaloo. Have a good one. People that have nothing to talk about they resort to like how do

they get the cherries so damn red well you almost like want it you also want to turn about them be like what do you think about abortion just because the conversation is so fucking boring uh you just want to like roll out of like what do you think about israel two state yeah one state what do you think two what do you think one or two huh let's a coin. I got a gun in my waistline. Let's play a game. Yeah, let's go talk to this Jewish guy over here, what he thinks about it. Let's go have a convo. I did that at my last job when I worked at that firearm place.

And I had to play. There was like a scramble for everybody who sold firearms, which is already like just firebomb the course at this point i can't believe what did you play golf with all them i had to play golf because they knew i was good at golf so they recruited me and then i showed up and they're like you have to wear golf shoes i'm like well i have crocs and they're like okay then my boss had to like pay 300 for these gay ass shoes and then we're teeing off bowling shoes with like nails on the bottom yeah like the bottom yeah so you don't tear your white ass acl trying to like do the first athletic thing in a decade and i'm just like walking around in like khaki pants and i'm like i tried to smoke a cigar they gave me and

i'm like coughing too much and then my boss who's like this ex-alcoholic like walks up to me hold hold your hand out like you're gonna and he like, gonna play a hell of a game today. Sorry, I blew the mic out there. But he literally, I just watched him. I'd hit a shot. He'd go, hell of a shot.

Hell of a shot, Avery. And then he'd be like, he would just be like, hey, you hear the one about the two Chinese people who should fucking kill themselves? You heard that joke? He had racist jokes where even I was like, hey, you hear the one about the two Chinese people who should fucking kill themselves? You heard that joke? He had racist jokes where even I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.

Right. You know what's really fun about playing golf with people is sometimes you get paired on the first tee. And they make a comment to you where you realize there's this dark cloud over them. Oh, yeah. Like I say to a guy, I'm like, hey, sorry I'm late. He goes, buddy, buddy, this is a sanctuary for my fucking life. I do not give a fuck. And then he just like teed off and then went and sat in the car.

I was like, oh, my God, this guy feels the weight of the world. Don't worry about it, pal. I turned off the carbon monoxide sensors in my home before coming here. I'm really just praying something happens before I get back. Because you'll make small talk on the first. He's like, oh, yeah, no, I played this course a lot. I played a lot anyway. And then by hole three, he's like,

this is the first time I've talked to somebody in four weeks. My wife left me. I don't get to see the kids anymore. And you're like, ah, anyway, I think it's about a seven iron. It's like 160 into the wind. Man, I played with a guy that last week I got paired with him. And by hole fucking four, he's like like the beer cart girl comes around he's like oh you want anything i'm like i don't drink i'm i'm good and he was like you don't drink he's like you don't drink he's like

i used to be addicted to heroin i'm like oh no i'm like yeah i'm not like an alcoholic i just don't drink he's like well any and and it was just off to the races. He told me about how his dad used to do heroin. He does heroin. Nice guy. Nice guy. But I don't want to. I don't go to the golf course to make friends with people.

I go to be insane. With ex-heroin addicts? You're also like, hey, buddy, I'm not retarded. I just had a lot of fun and had to stop having fun. During COVID was the best because COVID it was always by the second hole you had to wear your mask outside because they would yell at you and then by the second hole you would turn to the guy and it was always like the moment you get to see it was a fork in the road you'd be like are we gonna do this the whole time

I would always I would initiate because I hated wearing the mask I go we can take you go if I take the mask off right and you would either have a guy who's like, who takes off, he's like, listen, the fucking Chinese invented this shit. And that's like your next, the next four hours of your life. Four hours you're just stuck. It's just him being like, you know Hillary,

she eats children. She eats them. She in an email to Moloch. That's, you know, I enjoy that, but five hours of it. The thing is too, when you're stuck with them, you got to become them. So you just, you're like, yeah, she grinds them up on her team. I've seen video.

Yep. What, are you going to make life harder for yourself? What, are you going to argue with this guy? You go, yeah, I know. God, it's amazing. It's unbelievable. OAN, I was watching it the other day. What they're saying is so true.

Those people always say, you know, everywhere you go, people are saying the same thing, but yet no one publicly says it. It's like people are afraid to disagree with you. They're terrified of having any sort of confrontation with what you say. Yeah, I've got one comment where you look at it and this guy goes, yeah, global warming's really heavy today. This is going on.

And they're like, you know what? How would you like a job? I think that'd be great. So that was the foreword would be like the guy, like you would occasionally get a guy be like, have you read the reports? Of course not. And then you're like, I hate this guy more actually. I got to wear my stupid mask.

I'm 800 feet away from anybody in the middle of a golf course. This guy kept saying, yeah, I did heroin when I was 12. He goes, but you know, it's the valley. I'm like, yeah, the valley, man. He's like, I mean, you've seen Boogie Nights, right? I'm like, yeah. He's like, it was just the valley, man. Yeah.

I'm like, yeah, I don't think 11-year-olds were shooting up heroin. I think preschools were handing out Narcan. Yeah. I think most people were going to bob's big boy yeah or like a bj's in burbank yeah they were shooting porn and stuff but it's not like everybody was on heroin yeah i was like mistaken yeah my wife he she crushed a man's head with her roller blade you know it's the valley you've seen boogie you've seen boogie nights yeah you know i fucked my sister when i was a kid but you know connecticut yeah that's what it's like that's what it's about

i used to jack off my large dick in Jeeps and parking lots. You know, it's the valley. It's making me reconsider becoming a golf influencer. Because becoming a golf influencer would be pretty easy because it's like the least charismatic people in the world play golf. Yeah. It attracts the moths of personality. It's a bunch of bologna sandwiches walking around

it's people where you like they heard saturdays for the boys and they started weeping because to them that's like hearing like a shakespeare song they go saturdays are for the boys yeah yeah they just wept like i can't believe like who said that yeah was that confucius i need to take my patagonia vest to wipe my tears away that i think i kind of realized today because i was having a swim before you boys came over and i kind of dawned on me when i came up out of the cool water and this nice sunny day in la that the the answer is to become bowling vloggers, actually. Bowling influencers. It's the only people.

It's the only sport. It's literally the least charismatic. I want to go even lower. Than golf. Than golf. I want to go down to bowling. If we start filming ourselves bowling. And we just make eye contact with people.

We're going to be the best in show here well everybody would think we're the cast of the big wabowski first of all the three of us sitting together we literally are every character am i donnie i think i'm done no devin's donnie you're smaller yeah i kind of look like steve bejimmy you're the dude because you just you know you swim and you lay on your back and stuff yeah and I listen to whale sounds on my tape cassette yeah you're G I exactly you get into birds and like shit you know yeah yeah I'm Walter because I you know I look like John Goodman you're drinking virgin white. It's just half and half in a glass. I'm going to see if there are even,

there's no way there's even bowling vloggers, right? Oh, there's got to be. 100% got to be. Who do I type in? Bowling influencer? Yeah.

Is there like a lady with huge tits and there's like a guy that's like, do they have all the same things? I've been Eric Harris and Dylan Claybold. They were bowling influencers. Yeah.

What's up, YouTube? So we're going to shoot up our high school today. There is a TV show on CBS that bombed horribly called How We Roll. Starring the great Pete Holmes. Yeah. The greatest gay comedian of all time. Pete Holmes was in a show about bowling. Yeah.

Fascinating. It was a show about a Christian bowler called This Is How We Bowl. Why does it... And it was... The trailer was literally like Pete going like, God wants me to start bowling again. I know.

The casting director was like, get me a comedian with a lot of moles Get me somebody with no integrity Whatsoever But he's Christian So nobody looks into it Get me somebody who ruined comedy by telling everyone to start doing it Oh so there is

Someone cornered the market I think on this Yeah look at that that's got 1.4 million views Damn it And it's a fucking family with their kids have Down syndrome. There's no way I can fucking compete with that. Well, next year you can. How does that work? I would like to think you watch the video and they're just bowling the autistic children.

Yeah, are they throwing the kids into the pins? I think it's just that one video. I think it's just their family vlogs. I don't want to click on their videos. How do you know it's autism? It just says Autumn Goes Bowling. No, no. I mean, I can see in the snapshot. I'm not going to zoom in on it. It says special needs. You want me to zoom in on it for us to all make fun of her? No, I don't need that. She also looks like

a real monster, so she's holding her own eyeballs. And their faces are shaped like the bowling ball. Yeah, she looks like an upside-down umbrella with big lips. The eyes are just as close as the holes on the ball. Yeah, she looks like an upside down umbrella with big lips. The eyes are just as close as the holes on the ball. Okay, finally found a guy. His name is 220 Average Bowler.

So I guess that's his stats. Which is pretty good, 220. Yeah, he's got, let's see, 31,000 subs. Not a lot, but more than us. So I can't really shit on that. So he's a loser. But we're not. And we lot, but more than us. So I can't really shit on that. So he's a loser. Yes. But we're not.

And we're not. We're different. Yeah, so he has to do the challenges like trying to bowl while wearing ankle weights. Yeah. Trying to get pussy after bowling. Yeah. That's what's funny about golf. It's easy to be a golfing influencer because you're like, we drank 20 beers and then tried to play one hole or whatever yeah this guy this it's like i put mcdonald's french

fries inside a bowling ball because they know everyone's so fat they every every single vlogger has to do a portion where they like make a meal no matter what they're doing so like these bowlers are like i bowl while making you know, carne asada. Yeah, they're doing like, if I don't bowl 250, I have to drink this bathtub of gravy. Look, this is a popular one. Bowling with the wrong fingers? But why? What?

Why? And then the thumbnail like. I mean, this did take over TV. I don't even know if it's much worse than what tv used to be i went bowling the other day and i saw a guy with a with the whole like embroidered shirt and everything with the team name and they wear those big uh gloves yeah you saw like falconers wear you know when your grandma's about to die the glove she wears they use that to bowl yeah yeah he had like he had like two knee braces he had the the glove the mech the mech glove for picking up the it's definitely bionic there's no way he can physically pick up a bowling ball at this point you sent us a picture of me it looked like a bowling ball yeah oh i took a

picture of him no you follow it was actually kind of i was like i was side texting you because you i could tell you followed him to take a picture like he. No, you followed. It was actually kind of, I was like, I was side texting you because I could tell you followed him to take a picture. Like he was almost in the parking lot. I could see you walking with your phone like this. Yeah, and I left my pregnant wife to take a picture of a fat retard. To do like the quick walk where you're almost running with your phone way too far out. Just to get a fat guy from behind.

I take like nine of them. Yeah. It's very obvious what I'm doing. Who did nothing wrong, but just has a hobby and is very fat yeah he's doing nothing wrong trying to enjoy his day he was just on discord the whole time a harmless guy just a guy on discord who's just there and his you know his name was like larry or something a guy who every time he walks outside he goes well i hope a retarded boy doesn't take a picture of me again today. He had a big, you know,

like a, you have like a luggage case you would carry on like down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like onto a plane. They love that shit. He had tons of them.

I think he brought like four or five bowling balls with him. Well, it's only one bowling ball. The rest is full of pornography. It's a, it's a bowling ball carrier

slash goon kit. Yeah. Well, because bowlers, they do it because they like the order of it. They have the ball and all the equipment and stuff. They're like, I could either assemble a sniper at the top of a tower or I can bowl. And they need the order. I need at least five things I have to assemble together. They need a suitcase full of a bunch of things.

And they pretend the pins are civilians. That's why they're bowling. That is it. Yeah. That's their mass shooting. I got all fucking 12 of them. A guy bowling in a ghillie suit. Just being like, I'm going to fucking really do it one day. It's also great watching bowlers when they wear athletic gear.

I know. The braces and stuff. The guy has a headband over his liver. It's all alcohol induced injuries i wonder if the top professional bowlers even are i really think we could corner the market on this and become world famous bowlers are like poker players that just like that's their let's say have a sport you know same builds yeah same athleticism there was i think i saw a video where there was like a tiger woods of bowling where a guy started two-hand bowling.

Is it this guy? It was a different guy. He kind of looked vaguely Thai. Maybe that guy's the new Tiger Woods. I mean, that guy rules. Yeah. That's awesome. Bowlers are so cool.

But a lot of hoity-toity bowlers were like, this is a gentleman's game. They're bowling in suits. get that show buddy get fucking irvin johnson out of here get that fucking clown out of here i love the guys that wear the sunglasses they wear sunglasses while bowling there's one guy where he wears like shades go to the right where go up no no no he passed it oh i passed it go down go up right there that's awesome that guy i forget his name that's the guy who had the famous um who do you think you are i am have you seen that oh i gotta look that up can you look that up and it actually it actually he was the he was the bad boy of bowling for 40 years okay i forget just type in who do you think you are i am i forget his name it's like pete yeah pete weber oh that's awesome so can i i want to set this up real quick so he

um was in like a championship match i think and he was claiming that he was getting heckled by a 12 year old in the stance so so he started like this crazy like he's a crazy guy he started like this blood feud with like a 12 year old who just clapped for too long and he would I watch like the full thing he would like roll a strike and then he'd like fucking like stare down like a fucking kid it'd be like he'd be like fuck

like suck it that's amazing he's doing like that he was doing like the nwo like suck it chop like triple h yeah so anyway this is the this is the clip so is his suck it chop. Yeah, yeah. Like Triple H. Yeah. So anyway, this is the clip. So is his name Weber? Pat Weber. Yeah. Pete Weber.

Pete Weber. Yeah. So he, one game, so they only bowl like 164. Am I reading that wrong? No, no, no. So he, those are the frames leading up. His opponent bowled a 214. And I think he has to get a strike or a spare to like win the

championship wow this is a championship game so this is the moment he wins he's got like welding glasses strike to claim it wow that was smooth that's great for that is nifty all right watch i did it oh Oh, my God. Directed by the Farrelly brothers. Hell yeah. That was to a child? Yeah, that was to a 12-year-old boy.

What do you think? It was to a 12-year-old boy who dropped a cup of ice. And he's like, you do not fuck with greatness kid but nobody i think nobody's fucking klaus schwab uh motherfuckers here like the bilderberg convention is here i don't know the day yeah the the daniel stern of bowling yeah yeah they all have bats on it oh this is awesome it's so great can you play the clip again just so we can get the full oh sorry they're they're weighing her jace oh jesus what part of her are they way yeah which Oh, this is awesome. It's so great. Can you play the clip again just so we can get the full? Oh, sorry. They're weighing her, Jace.

Oh, Jesus. What part of her are they weighing? Yeah, which foot? Dude, she looks like if you made a trebuchet out of flesh. Strike to claim it. That looks so good. I wish I could bowl like that. Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Number five. Are you kidding me? That's right. I wish I could bowl like that. See? Dude, we should go to a bowling match. This is amazing. He's screaming. Yes. You know what I missed, too?

I want to drink beer from those little plastic cups. Yes. Fuck, I want to drink beer from plastic cups. I think you just want to relapse. You really have been talking about drinking an awful lot lately It's fine I'm under a lot of stress right now There's a nameless weight in my wife's belly

No name yet still? They're naming it nameless weight Nameless weight What's the name? Burden? Burden Avery is a beautiful name for a girl. I've been doing something really gay. You've been sucking guys' cocks?

It's been making me feel better the past few days. And today I feel great. But I've been afraid I'm going to die before she's born. It's been a big fear of mine. That explains a lot. I think we've talked about it a little bit. Um, but I've been afraid I'm going to die before she's born. It's been like a big fear of mine. That's okay. That explains a lot of, uh, yeah, I think we, I think we've talked about it a little bit. Yeah.

It's probably fair. You go, Oh, what if I die? And then I can't see her face. Cause you want it to be raised well. Right. You're like, what if I die? I can't make her racist. She might grow up in like every group of people on earth.

What if she grows up to like retweet Elon and like you know what if she like really sucks ass I need to be there to guide her through the trenches of being online

I would love that like you're right but I would love if you do that too early so she's like three weeks old and you're like you're like really on her

you're like you never retweet this fucking guy right you gotta go to these sites she's just like You're like really on her. You're like, you never retweet this fucking guy. Right. You go, you want to go to these sites? She's just like. She has blocks, like those letter blocks, and she just accidentally puts like an L and a G together.

And you go, get that the fuck out of here. You throw out the B and the T. I go to Katie, I'm like, no dinner for her tonight. Katie's like, she'll die. I'm like, she needs to learn. She's looking, she'll die. Like she needs to learn. She's looking a little fat. She's being a fat bitch. I'm going to play her these David Goggin videos and get her running on a treadmill.

You tie your baby to a treadmill like a dog. So she has to keep going. Jace, please don't shit on David Goggins. There was one guy that got mad that we did that. There was one guy who's pretending to be in the military who got upset. Yeah, a guy at a Wetzel's

pretzels at the mall. A guy going, don't be mean to him. I'm fucking gay for him. I'm doing backflips on his cock. Don't be mean to him. I get he did accomplish a lot,

but anyway, so I did the, I'm the opposite of David Goggins. I'm writing letters to my daughter in case, like for one day for her to read. Are you doing that? Yeah. I've been writing letters to her and then I put them in my fireproof safe that I have.

And I date them and everything. That's nice. It's also somewhat Walter White-ish. Is it? Yeah. Are you making videos? Are you taping videos like, my name is Walter Hardwell White.

I live at 321 Racism Avenue. Listen. It was funny. It was Negro Lane. Yeah. Negro Lane. Yeah. Yeah.

Negro or Royal Lane. If you never meet me, I want you to know it was my brother that did everything. Yeah. I am the one who slurs that's cute I've been feeling better since I've been doing that because then I can you know impart

man so you're really afraid because of this whole diabetes thing you're really afraid of like dying or something no I just think like all of a sudden like the house is gonna fall into the street and crush me and sever me in three different ways. What an ego that you die in that

way. You don't die in a normal way. You die with the house crushing you. Oh, come on. It happens all the time. This is California. Our tax money is going to these peasants. Oh, Ben, you're going to get shot like everybody else grow up

this is American damn it you're going to get knockout gamed hit your head on a curb and die we all know that and we know what you really need to be terrified of some teenagers are going to say you're walking gay and they're going to bludgeon you to death like the rest of us

yeah I mean it is very funny to be like the rest of us. Yeah. I mean it is very funny to be like making videos for your daughter like you already have cancer. That's why I'm like fuck man. Holy shit what an admission. I think once I get to like once I get to like hold her in my arms and like look at her

like little like face and see her little like belly and her little fingers and stuff I think I'll feel better but I want to um i want to get there i want to get to that i get it it's like it's like this the purgatory you're right now yeah well i mean it's it's very funny like you literally like are feeling these feelings not to say that they aren't real but you're feeling them because but go ahead and tell me how they're not real but how they're not how you suck they're not real is that i just it's very trippy to me that like you feel this because 20,000 years ago, like too many monkey or like fucking a million years ago, too many monkeys were like their

babies were born and then they just like wing it against like a tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like it explode. I'm excited. That's crazy. They would do that. I'm excited for the baby. I'm excited to resent it.

Like immediately. You're like Ben used to be fun. I'm excited to the baby. I'm excited to resent it like immediately. You're like, Ben used to be fun, dude. I'm excited to be like, you know what, Ben? He used to, he doesn't even have time to watch bad comedians

on YouTube anymore. This fucking, this bitch. He had to have a little bitch. Yeah, Ben used to stay up and watch The Straight Story. Yeah, Ben won't even

watch Shab until 7 a.m. anymore. Yeah, you guys go on benders for your minds. We do. Me and Devin healed each other the other day because he fucking broke my brain so much. We had a wonderful night. We had a great double feature. Another wonderful feature, yeah.

First up, and folks, you can copy us at home because these are great double features. Rambo. Up first was Rambo First Blood. Which I recommended as well. And then in the credits. up and folks you can copy us at home because these are great devil features rambo up first was rambo first blood which which i recommended as well and then in the credits jokers thought it was a typical rambo movie i thought it yeah i was i don't know anything about those those old action movies yeah it was awesome yeah it's it's a great movie i really love it yeah it kicked ass and uh i saw in the credits as it's sliding up, Richard Farnsworth caught my eye.

He plays Brian Dennehy. Yeah, he plays Brian Dennehy. They put a big mama suit on him so he could play Brian Dennehy. Richard Farnsworth was the stuntman in it. So he's the guy who falls out of the helicopter then? No, hold on. I looked it up. That's actually Diamond Richard Farnsworth.

His son? His son, who was also a stuntman. Who was gay? They called him Diamond. They called him Diamond. Diamond Richard? Yeah, they named him after the shape of his ass. Well, I love to think there's like a Richard Farnsworth who's straight and then Diamond Richard Farnsworth who is him, but gay.

I didn't know he had a son, Fabulous Farnsworth. Like it's Godzilla and like Mecha Godzilla. You know, I think he I didn't really look this up, but I'm pretty sure he was a stuntman for Sylvester Stallone in most of his movies. Actually, he was like a Jack like Duke Nukem looking. He was he was a stuntman in a lot of Westerns, too. Like I think he was like in John Ford movies or something. Richard Farnsworth was, but not his son.

No, no, no. His son was getting fucked in the ass in the village. Yes. He did the stunts for cruising with al pacino yeah he did the stunts on boat trip he's just like fucking william freak it's like all right so you're gonna get fisted in your asshole while pacino jacks off all of this is gonna get cut from the movie apparently really quickly apparently when will William freaking shot fucking Cruising, apparently there's like three hours of just gay guys getting fucked in the head and like fisted and stuff that aren't in the movie at all.

That they filmed. That they filmed. We need B-roll. Yeah. And Pacino was just like, I don't know. We shouldn't be doing all this. And William freaking was like, shut up, queer. Suck his cock.

Was he gay? He had a big ass so anyway sorry ben you were you you saw richard farnsworth was in uh sorry i'm putting back on the 1992 u.s open the famous tom kite yeah the one where the the white lizard tom kite won yeah uh so then i go because I've been trying to indoctrinate Devin on David Lynch because I know Devin appreciates the man. I love the man. You appreciate that he exists. It's been a little difficult for me

because I know Ben loves him so much and I know so many people do, but I love him. And I respect that. And you know I respect you, Devin. You know I love you. I know. I love you dearly. It's mutual. But yeah, I put on a And I respect that. And you know I respect you, Devin. You know I love you. I know. It's mutual.

I love you dearly. It's mutual. But yeah, I put on a few of his movies. I find you very sexy. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone does. I put on a few of his movies,

and I go, did somebody just find a VHS in the woods? I go, what even is this? Maybe I'm not smart enough to get it let it out I don't quite I know you're talking

about Blue Velvet all these movies Mulholland Drive I'm like I don't is the point that it's bad on purpose which movies did you watch I've seen Mulholland Drive

and then I've tried to watch Blue Velvet and I turned it off 10 minutes in I go I don't what is this VHS camera sounds like he was triggered in the weeds.

Yeah, sounds like a little bit of a cock. Oh, did it cut out? Oh. Oh. We're back. Are we still recording? Well, we sound like robots. What is this, a Lynch film?

What is, uh. My computer is, I think it's shut. I think we're good, though. I'm gonna kill that fucking thing. So are we still recording? I hate that this thing, by the way, everyone's gonna get get mad at me this has to run off of a mac i can't run it off the pc i'm just letting you guys know yeah all those computer nerds out there anyway yeah yeah so we are still recording yeah ben has one of those bank switches to hit when somebody

criticizes art he likes just right under the table well it's working now okay yeah those are the ones i like i get your your like when Inland Empire or something like that. I don't care for it, but I like those two movies. I haven't watched that. I haven't watched Eraserhead. I haven't seen these. Have you seen The Elephant Man? No, I haven't seen it.

I've seen a scene from it, and it looked fucked up and decent. Yes, very good. But I don't know. I saw Mulholland Drive in community college and I wanted to shoot up. I wanted to kill everyone. You want to know the secret

to enjoying David Lynch? Is you have to be intelligent. You have to go back to school and you have to get your damn diploma. Yeah. Yeah. And then you get

you park your ass in the seat in the movie theater and you use your brain to understand something that can elevate and transfigure you. That's probably it. I'm just a big, stupid bozo. But I'm going to be honest.

I think his movies stink. And I've never really enjoyed what I've seen. Mulholland Drive is actually not. Straight Story was great because it was like a normal movie. He proved that to critics that he could just make a normal movie. That's why they call it the Straight Story. But even in the Straight Story, I thought some of the editing was a little off.

He thought the Straight Story was more like the gay story. That's what I called it. That's what Ebert said in his review. He directs like a guy that's left-handed or something. I don't know how to explain it but there's just it's it's and i'll get into it eventually because i have respect for people for my friends and people that love a guy unanimously you know like i'm not like i'm not

like writing him off obviously oh obviously yeah i will get into him i will try i'm just saying like the few times i have like i remember you were talking about Blue Velvet like nine months ago you know when we first started and I went home and I turned it on and within 10-15 minutes it was like my I was like on heroin my head is just rolling I'm like what I don't VHS shots of the weeds

and every acting all the acting stank it feels like I'm watching like the movie they made in Bowfinger you're watching Chubby Rain? It's Chubby Rain All the acting stank. It feels like I'm watching the movie they made in Bowfinger. You're watching Chubby Rain? It's Chubby Rain to me. I'm like, is it bad on purpose?

Is he fucking with somebody? What is the thing? Devin, that's what we call cinema. No, but explain. It's Keno. But what is that? Well, first of all, VHS didn't exist yet. I believe that movie was made in 1984.

So it was fucking a laser disc. I guess checkmate on me. I'll quote the famous David Foster Wallace right now and go full fag if you want me to. Did he love it? He said, Quentin Tarantino is interested in cutting off someone's ear. David Lynch is interested in the ear. Yeah, but it also looks like somebody had a studio behind it and made it well. There's beauty.

First of all, this is what Devin does. He watched seven minutes of a movie and he's like, it sucks. It's like he read the first page of a book. He's like, I hate the ending. This is why I've been in this position many times that I quickly learned you just you just got to tap out because no i'm not because i'm gonna i'll finish it it's an impossible but it's i'm saying it's impossible to defend something being good you know i didn't understand okay moholland drive i'll show well how come everyone in the movie looks like they have a zipper i'll i'll i'll devon i'll show I'll prove to you right now I'll give you perfect

concrete evidence of why you can't enjoy transcendental cinema okay show the folks at home your flask behind the chair there

what like like many great directors have had on set now this is Devin's problem is he's aberrated. I'm gonna pour some more now.

You're pissing me off. Do you expect Freddie Quell and the Master to enjoy some fine work of art on screen in the cinema? No, he's in there, he's watching Shirley Temple, and he's watching the- The Master,

great movie that looked like it had money put into it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looked like it had money put into it. Yes. It looked like there was a DP. I love that movie. It didn't look like David Lynch hired my friends to hold a camera. Dude, Blue Velvet looks great. In my old Lexus. What are you talking about?

It looked like utter shit. Oh, God. But I'll finish it. I watched 10 minutes. There's the guy in it. Who's the guy that smokes cigarettes that sings the Candy Colored Clown? He's the guy from Quantum Leap. He's also in Paris, Texas.

I forget his name. He's in Paris, Texas. Who's the guy that he picks him up? He picks up Harry Dean Stanton. I don't know his name, but I know the actor. That guy comes in and he's one of the best performers

that I've seen. If you know that actor's name, you need to go outside. You shouldn't know that actor's name. Yeah, you shouldn't know his name. Here's the thing, Ben. It's kind of interesting because you hated the alt scene so much. And then your film taste with loving David Lynch so much,

he is very much like the guy that's throwing the game or throwing the set on purpose. No, he's not. It felt like that. Every time I try, it feels like a guy being bad, ironically. No, no, no. Okay, this is all last stand here. Last stand, boys.

By the way, I have really nothing to stand on. I only saw Mulholland Drive and I fucking hated it so much. But I was also young. I was like 19 years old. I believe it was Aristotle who said that if you can think in metaphors, you are highly intelligent. So let me offer one to you right now, Devin Costa. The well-read

retarded man. It's my favorite character. The metaphor is Devin, he came before this great big blue pool of water in the woods, right? And there's like a fog and a mist coming off of it. It's beautiful. And there's all these beautiful little vines

and woodland creatures running around. And the sun finds its face in a clearing and shines down upon the water. And Devin, like a chimp, he kind of comes up before the water and then he dips his toe in it. And he goes, it's too cold. And then he just runs back off into the woods. And he's telling everybody, he's like, yeah, there's that bullshit pool of water back there

and it's retarded and it's sucked and it's gay. I think I'm the guy that goes to the creek and I go, this water will, it has bacteria in it. And I think you go, it tastes fine to me. I'm doing backstrokes in it. I think you gotta wonder about a guy that everyone,

if they like the figure too much, it may bleed into their opinion of the movies the figure makes so this is an interesting point of view most interesting guy that directs yeah i i mean i love scorsese i love interviews with him but like david lynch is a fascinating person to me he's like a figure to me like he is like a hilarious deep interesting person and i always wonder if that bleeds into people's opinion yeah you wonder because, you know, what's interesting is like, Tarantino

actually kind of sucks ass as a person. I actually don't like him. I cringe watching his when he's acting like fucking Superfly in an interview and he's like, here's the thing, my brother. I'm like, ugh, stop, just stop, just go home, go direct.

He's wearing like a Jabala or the Sheiky. Yeah, yeah. He's got a Kangol hat on. Yeah, he's like if cocaine became a person. Yeah. And you had a conversation with him. But in spite of him sucking so much ass and looking like a fucking retard, you still just love his movies that much.

And you go, he stinks. Because people that suck ass are supposed to make good movies because they can only talk through movies. They can only talk through their art. They can only speak through their art, yeah.

When somebody is really good at being a person, I always go like, man, your art might not be that good. Interesting, yeah. But that's not with David Lynch. I know I'm wrong here.

No, I know what you're saying. I'm well aware of what the comments are gonna be like. I know everyone loves him. I think everybody, I don't think most people think you're a gay cocksucker if you like him. Really?

I think so. I don't know. It seems like the cool. I think I'm going to look like the cuck. It seems like the cool thing to say. I do. Yeah, I do know. I like half of his movies, half I hate.

I don't like the people on. It's very cool on Twitter to be into David Lynch. Is it? Yeah. No, it is. It's cool to be like. Do I suck? It's cool to be like. Firewalk with me is actually fantastic. I. Is it? Yeah, no, it is. It's cool to be like, do I suck? It's cool to be like,

Firewalk With Me is actually fantastic. I really liked it. Yeah, see, there you go. I don't know what that is, but I'm sure it stinks. So you're a guy, so you're a guy,

you're a guy on Twitter posting like, I think you should leave GIFs and that's like what you think comedy is. You think comedy is just watching I think you should leave

and then quoting it later. They're a bit... I don't know. Hopefully I'm the 5% because every group sucks except for like 5% of people in that group. So I hope I'm the 5% of his fans that don't suck ass. Yeah, I don't think you suck ass.

I will officially say you're the guy that doesn't suck ass that likes him. I think you like great things, and I think you see something in him and his movies. And I'm myopic. I'm being myopic. But once again, I haven't fully watched almost any of his movies. I just remember watching Mulholland Drive and completely missing what the thing was.

I think you're both retarded and me being in the middle of you two actually makes me wise. Because you love him and you hate him and I say, I love him and hate him and that means I'm actually the wise prophet. It's every comedian on a podcast just being a fence sitter.

I'm actually smart because I want to make fun of everybody. Yeah, I am the guy. You got people doing stuff on the left and you got people doing stuff on the right and meanwhile being a fence sitter. Just being like, I'm actually smart because I want to make fun of everybody. Yeah, I am the guy. I was like, I mean, you got people doing stuff on the left and you got people doing stuff on the right and meanwhile, I'm just here

complaining about the woke mind virus for nine hours and not being funny, which is my only job. I will, I'll end the conversation with this. I want to say,

I'm really not that big of a fan of David Lynch. I just love his last name. I was literally, let's move on. I was literally about to say that once you stopped. Really? Yeah. I was going to be like, to put a button on it.

This is the reason you like to put it up in a big, nice bow. Yeah. I think he lynched film. He tied a rope around a fucking celluloid can and hung it from a tree. He goes, enjoy your last moments, bucko. I read some of Kurosawa's memoir.

I really want to watch his movies now. I haven't seen most of them. Akira? Like Seven Samurai. I think I saw like Roshomon. Roshomon, yeah. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I want to see him because of all the stuff moving in the background and shit.

He's great. It want to see him because uh of all the stuff moving in the background and shit he's great it's just japanese people i mean i've been you know i've been doing this as like i quit my job four months ago in the entire four months i'm like i think today's the day i become a big like i'm gonna start well i'm gonna fire up the criterion channel app yeah i got and then i'm just like but these tiktoks are so good i know can I watch a Japanese guy not speak English for four hours? I watch Rashomon. I go, where are the fucking ladies in yoga pants, retard? I go, where are the family guy clips? How am I supposed to watch this horse shit?

I do do that every night. I'm like, I'm going to fucking be smart tonight. I'm going to watch some great classic, you know, La Strada. And I go, you know what? I'm going to watch an Italian Bourne instead. you know, La Strada. And I go, you know what? I'm going to watch an Italian porn instead.

I'm going to watch Beau Travail. And then I just, yeah, not happening. Yeah, you're just going to put one of those on and play those games people play on their phone on the bus. Yeah. Where there's like red and blue and purple and green bubbles and they're like popping them. You just pop them. Slot machine noises.

Yeah, you're an adult that plays like birthday party games for like children. People do it like well into their 50s. Yeah. They yeah just like they turn the phone sideways and they're happy as shit they're good to go it's literally yeah if like you if like you designed a thing to like keep retarded people occupied so they don't attack people it would be those games i popped the bubba yeah i pop it there was four cherries and then I stood And then they disappeared And they're like Very good Very good Coco

Patting him on the head Very good He's in a cage And they're throwing fish at him When I play the game I don't want to Rape strangers anymore And they go

Very good And then they They turn to a bunch of Other scientists And they go See it's working. We can stop them from raping everyone. The scientists go, and that's good?

Is that what we want? That is what we want, yes. Okay. Very good. Robo retard cop. I do wish there was a thing that could separate like there's really good movies I haven't seen and then there's movies that are like supposed to be good

but you put them on and you're like this is like the gayest slowest piece of shit movie of all time like I wish I could know the difference between those two yeah you know yeah I feel the same way

it's really all about getting past that first hour because there's a lot of movies where it takes like 45 minutes for you to really understand why you've been investing. And I'm thinking maybe that's my problem with Lynch. I don't know. You know what you need? You know when people go to like Dave Chappelle shows, they put the phone in like a black zipper with a lock on it.

And if you open it, you get like syphilis or whatever. Right, right, right. They're like, we don't want you recording one of dave's three jokes so phone's in the bag one of his three 30 minute jokes we can't have you recording dave going like they tried to cancel snoopy from peanuts and uh you need one of those like when you go into your apartment or your home you need a guy standing there you put your phone in the thing and they like lock it and then you have to actually watch something or like make a new thing you don't know how to make or like call someone you love on a on a different phone i guess that doesn't have access to others

or maybe forget that one fuck that one sure you gotta like grill a chicken and watch a movie and have a nice night instead of wait you blink and it's two hours later and you've just been watching a 400 pound Chinese guy on TikTok I mean this is the dream I'm like I'm gonna get a dumb phone but I know I get it and I just start tearing like my fucking arms out like a serious mind

like I go insane you're talking about the flip phone bullshit yeah like get a dumb phone that can just do texting and shit. Yeah. That never works. You just become a burden to everyone that you know. Everyone's like, why the fuck can't you text me back? I know a couple people who've done that.

And what happens is anytime they get around other people, they just grab their phone. Yeah. And start using it. So you become your own iPad baby. You're at a Thanksgiving and you're like laid on a on a couch cushion upside down and you're just like getting peanut butter all over a screen you've turned yourself retarded i was super productive today just by letting my phone die i didn't charge it today it's been dead the entire day and i got a ton of stuff done that's good and i can still answer i messages on my mac

while i'm working right yeah i have the thing on you there's the screen time on your phone that says like uh after an hour of daily use like you have to like click through to like get to all your apps and like i put that on and then like the first day i had to turn it off at 1 a.m because i've used one hour of screen time oh damn yeah man yeah so i just i have i've had that on my phone for three years and i just turned it off every morning and just keep using my phone. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's the thing is like I can just turn it off.

So it's like there's no point to it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I just let it consume me. Yeah. I just actively fight against it. I go like, oh, God, I'm on this phone all fucking day.

And then I put it, throw it down and I go and I sit and I think for like five minutes and I go, don't give me that fucking. You have five minutes. If that. Yeah. I've done that where I'm like, I'm going to set a timer for like five minutes and I go, don't give me that fucking phone. You have five minutes if that. I've done that where I'm like, I'm going to set a timer, 25 minutes, and then you get 12 minutes and you're like, well, that's close enough. Pick this phone back up. I go, it's always going. I go, there's always something. And now I can do the thing.

I'm like, it's for the podcast. I have to talk about the little Mexican aliens. I'm studying. Oh, we didn't talk about the little Mexican aliens aliens i'm studying oh we didn't talk about the little mexican aliens maybe we should save it for the patreon okay the little mexican unless this is the patreon we don't know i guess yeah i mean i feel like i feel like we're really gonna let the racism fly we haven't on this never know but we i always go into the second episode just like really comfortable if we if we get a good if we if we get a good enough one to make it public the first episode, the second one, I'm like, whatever comes out, comes out.

Yeah. Acting like it's not real and can't just be used against me one day. Yeah. It does feel like I'm on a pretty short leash on YouTube, to be honest. We are. I mean, what was that? I feel like we still are somewhat wild, but. We are. I mean, we're very wild on youtube i think but yeah there's always a there's always something where you're

like man is that a thing with youtube like are we gonna get fucked with you know because we said we thought and then you always have a weird theory you're like how we made fun of like nepalese people youtube like really cares about nepal this year yeah you never know you're like oh man we shit on the fishing methods in nepal yeah it's like we should have talked about raping your daughter more that's fine yeah you know it's all arbitrary though i know when you do get the only time you ever know it's your fault is like if you played porn or something like on the screen yeah other than that like if it's about what you're saying that's impossible meanwhile youtube doesn't care that people share cp all the time on unlisted links they don't give a damn about that because people don't run ads on

unlisted videos so it doesn't upset people are sharing cp on youtube apparently there's like a million hours of child porn on youtube because they don't just say cp for the algorithm oh because i don't want youtube to like delete us or whatever. CP. Call it California Pizza. That's why they named it that restaurant. They go, if you give us a wink and a 50, we'll take you back. Wait, really? There's like CP on there? I love that Jace is like popping in his den as he's talking about CP. You guys talking about, yeah, I'm at a party and I'm fucking loading a can of Copenhagen.

I'm like, you boys talking about cp just wrapping it i never figured out how to do that by the way you have to say the n-word enough times to do it literally i can never because i used to do copenhagen in college i can never do that and you handed it to a guy who was like expanding from inwards in his body and he would just grab it and be like like the girl in willy wonka yeah like windows blow out look like a pigeon that just ate alka-seltzer a guy who looked like a 19 year old version of the car dealer guy from friday night lights someone should edit the end of willy wonka when they drink the fizzy lifting drink and then they have to burp to come down because they're at the fan but they have to keep saying

the n-word to to like float down someone should edit it like that so anyway someone should do that anyway i saw you know in willie sorry i did not yes i know um i just got excited i forgot to tell you this that you know the scene in william wonka where veruca salt starts expanding because she ate the gum the blueberry girl the blueberry girl she she gets the expands apparently there's people who are into expansion porn so if you go to that scene on youtube it it's just like guys being like, hoochie mama, hoochie ha-ta-ta. And they're in the comments being like, I wish I could expand that big.

That would fucking rule. So in the 70s, some guys were like, they thought they weren't even sexually awake. They're like, I guess I'm asexual. Maybe I'm gay. I don't know.

Nothing gets me off. And then they saw that scene in Willy Wonka. So they went to try on the chalk effect and they go, oh, wait a second. And then they're worried. They're like, wait, am I a pedophile? And they're like, no, I just want to fuck expanding children. Yeah. I'm not a pedophile.

The guys that go, I didn't know I was attracted to the future. Oh, but to, you know, because I know this is a serious show, too. I do. We need to get the word out there. A lot of people are sharing CP on YouTube. And we need to start pressuring Google to do something about it. We should. Because they don't really care about any of that shit.

They always talk about making YouTube safe for kids. But that's just because of advertisers. How's that possible, though? To upload CP? On YouTube. Like, what are we even talking about? What does that mean? You want me to describe what it is?

No, you can't have any sexually like explicit so it's like kids in bathing suits or something or like or well it's just unlisted so i guess youtube doesn't always catch it oh it's like people posting on their like right on their cp patreon like it's an unlisted video yeah they're like public one we do regular porn patreon that's when we do the cp there probably is a cp only fans coming by the way i just look out for that and by the way it would make like fucking as the world continues it would make all the world's money a year literally every every piece of monetary money that exists in the world would go through that site once a year it's run by the government yeah exactly the fucking. The fucking New World Order. Well, in closing

here, I really want to go to a place that you guys really don't want to go to, but I kind of thought maybe I could pressure you on air. To eat? To eat? Yeah, I thought I could pressure you on air to go, and then maybe then you'd feel bad enough that you... What is it, Ben? I really want to go to Chili's.

Man. I know Devin hates Chili's. It's really crazy with you. Alright, I'll go. Can we mix it up? I'll go to Chili's. I know Devin hates Chili's. It's really crazy with you. All right. Can we mix it up? I'll go to Chili's. We don't have to go to the same Jewish diner. We don't have to go to that them diner. I mean, we go so much, we might as well attend Temple at this point.

Might as well renounce Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Go to your fucking, you know, your Gentile hub. I want to go someplace Christian, damn it. Yeah. I want to go to Chili's. I want to go to California Pizza Kitchen. I want to go to Chick-fil-A. I would much rather go to Chili's than California Pizza Kitchen.

Yeah. There's something about a California Pizza Kitchen that just makes me feel like I'm about to be killed. I don't know why. When you ordered pasta, it looked like a bunch of larva. Yeah, no, I ate it and, like, i could feel it moving like in my belly remember i was halfway through my jambalaya pasta which by the way i can't believe i ordered that we me and devin couldn't either that was wild that was wild yeah i thought about acting as goalie and like diving in front of you in the waitress you push my plate when you when you order the jambalaya pasta at Chili's, they put it into a Brita filter to try to filter out just any of the...

Yeah, they put the plate there and they put a straw in it. They go, here you go. You drink it. Here you go, bub. Yeah. They bring you a wheelchair. Can I have a silly straw? And they go, excuse me, can I pardon you for an after dinner gun?

I'd like to kill myself. Can I pardon you for an after dinner gun? I'd like to kill myself. But no, I remember I was eating and I turned to you guys because we hadn't eaten. We recorded, I think we were banking apps or something. So we hadn't eaten all day. And I turned to you guys like three bites in. I'm like, oh my God, I feel like shit.

And I just kept fucking. I thought they were going to bring out the captive bolt gun from No Country for Old Men at the end of the meal. They should have. And have it on a hot towel like that. Like, sir, would you? Once I eat all the pasta, the plate should say, fuck you, underneath it. Is there like an Applebee's around here? Like another chain we could try out? There is an Olive Garden, and I had a wild time there a few months back.

Olive Garden kind of sounds nifty. I did. My face was bloated for about three days after. Yeah, Olive Garden, before you eat Olive Garden, you have to take your rings off so you can get them off. Just the fucking bloat that's coming. To cut your fingernails.

You're like, I gotta take this off because I'm about to expand. You look over to the other table at Olive Garden and it's just a bunch of salt goats. You see guys at olive garden like break their fucking necklaces just snap in half it it was very good though it's a tremendous restaurant in closing by the way fuck everybody with all these i see all these hot takes about food on twitter that people say suck ass and it's always my favorite food like people are like saying you're a retard if you order fettuccine alfredo or

Chick-fil-A's mid and that In-N-Out sucks ass. All those things kick ass. Fettuccine alfredo's great. That's just white hatred, buddy. It is white hatred. It is white hatred. It's black hatred, too, because black people love shrimp alfredo and fettuccine alfredo.

There's a war on the white man and the black man. There's a war on both of us. It's from China. And we need to band together and kill the rest. Black people do love Fettuccine Alfredo. Put it there, brother. Yeah, we're going to war. Yeah, we're going to war.

Yeah. I didn't realize it until you said it. But yeah, like there's like nine athletes who've blown their fortune at fucking cheesecake factories and Applebee's and shit. Oh, yeah. You go to the cheesecake factory any given night. Some guy's girlfriend's ass explodes at the bar. The window's shut. Yeah, they put caution tape around her.

Right. Dude, there's a cheesecake owner in fucking Nashville. It's like Vince Young bought my fucking vacation home. Is it every 30 for 30 is just a black athlete? It's just like, yeah, I went to Cheesecake Factory too much. There's Vince Young, I think, spent like $500,000 at the Cheesecake Factory. In one sitting? No.

No, no, no. No. That's insane. That's a pot money buy at the Cheesecake Factory at the end of the night? What, did they have Don Perignon to bring out to him? I'm imagining he just came with nine very fat white women. And they just had a time. That is very true.

Marshawn Lynch. Marshawn Lynch. David Lynch's brother. David Lynch's brother. Marshawn, they should have had you run the ball in the Super Bowl. I don't know why Pete Carroll called a pass play, Marshawn. David Lynch is from Oakland. Yeah, dropping casual ends.

Eraser hand. From the bank. From the bank, bucko. Blue velvet. Blue velvet, bucko. I don't like that Marshawn is taking the name back. That one's ours, Jack. I just think Marshawn should pull his pants up a little bit.

But Marshawn Lynch spent years at an Applebee's in Buffalo when he entered the league. Allen Iverson. Allen Iverson used to fuck with, what was it, Chili's or Applebee's? I think it was Applebee's. He loved Applebee's. Really? Yeah. He'd roll into an Applebee's. Yeah dude he'd roll into an Applebee's with like 20 black people. Yeah.

Like they'd roll a bus in. That's awesome. You'd see the people in the Applebee's you'd be like. All the guys that look like Luke Combs. Yeah a guy who looks like Luke Combs like grabbing a Larry Bird jersey and holding it like a shield. And that's why Allen Iverson's so bloated now. Exactly.

And he cries all the time to get the salt out. Yeah, Allen Iverson is like competing with Michael Jordan for most alcoholic. It's Michael Jordan, Allen Iverson, and Paul Pierce are like the Mount Rushmore of alcoholic ex-NBA players. God bless them. I love that we live in a day and age

like when I was a kid, if you told me like all my favorite athletes would have like podcasts where they're just saying whatever they want and like crying i know being weird paul pierce is the best because he'll go on like live streams with kevin garnett and get like way too drunk yep and just be like i could have won three championships if you guys got here and then kevin's like all right come on you know he's on like Showtime like that wasn't even just like an independent live stream that was a Showtime funded like live stream it's a show

and Kevin Garnett's like alright man like calm down and Paul Pierce is like man bring the bitches in he's drunk as fuck yeah the Morris twins just kind of admitted to rape. Oh can we watch that clip at the end of the show? The Morris twins admitted to basically raping women in like a very silly way

what do I type in again? type in just Morris twins in the twitter it'll come up yeah yeah this is so funny oh god I love this so much did y'all use to switch classes?

shit yeah that was 20 years ago y'all use to switch classes shit that was 20 years ago yeah switch classes on boys so i guess for anybody that doesn't know these are two athletes who are twins is there any other twins and yeah they're like fine they're like decent players and they're being asked if they have ever switched places yeah in life and all they had to do is go with the silly angle like yeah you, to like get away with something. Take the ACT or something. Yeah, like a test. Dude, that shit was just something to do, man.

We had to like. See what y'all get away with? Yeah, man, we got away with all that shit. That was easy work. Yeah, that was so long ago. What's the wildest, if you could say the wildest switch off y'all pulled? Okay, pause it real quick. Yeah, yeah.

It's funny that even Matt Barnes is like trying to give them an out. He's like, if y'all could say. He's like, Matt Barnes is like, because I know like NBA players, we all rape. Matt Barnes is holding a piece of paper below camera that says, don't say rape. Like underline three times. And so their response, yeah. In the classroom, in sports, in life, anywhere else. It's got to be in life, but it ain't appropriate for the cameras.

They did say we switched teams. They said we switched NBA teams like five years ago. That would have been crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, rape's crazy. By the way, they purposely have nearly identical tattoos. Yes.

So that's another reason why it's even more sinister. They look completely identical. They look completely identical and they have the same tattoos. So if you are a woman, you're like, oh, that's the same tattoo that he had. So why would I think any different? Yeah, exactly. Plus, you don't want to be like, you look like this other black guy that's already problematic.

Honestly, I give it up. They're like Mystery Men characters. So basically, they admitted to, they let his brother fuck his girlfriend's pussy? That's what it probably is, but I don't know. Maybe it's something

that they just couldn't, maybe they forged checks, or I don't know. Maybe somebody went into a bank interview. You know, hopefully. Hopefully, but. that they just couldn't uh maybe you know maybe they like forged checks or i don't know maybe they maybe they like somebody went into a bank interview you know hopefully hopefully but not it's yeah it seems like it's it's probably it's probably sexual right which means it would be rape yeah but you know what are you gonna do like they fucking their jumpers are fucking sweet well everybody in the replies are like that's's wild. That's your wild. Everyone's just like crying, laughing.

Oh, no. That's very funny. I see the people being like, I think that's rape, right? And then people be like, man, brothers be wild. Well, God bless these two brothers for sharing pussy. God bless the Morris twins. You got to share pussy. You can't hog it all to yourself.

I agree. It's not rape if it's sharing. What does she care? It's the same guy, kind of. Different blood type, but who cares? What are you gonna, you know, come on, what are you, a nurse? She was a whore anyway. Exactly.

She was a whore anyway. You know what I say, she are you, a nurse? She was a whore anyway. Exactly. She was a whore anyway. You know what I say? She was already fucking a black guy. Yeah. So does consent even exist? Well, this might be the Patreon now. Who knows? Well, patreon.com slash limit party live streams every Wednesday 4pm

Pacific Standard Time on the Limit Party Clips channel the Patreon we do episodes every Friday video and audio on there and if you want to get your name on the video too sign up for the Yellow Kings tier but Devin hate watch pod

Jace at sad drawings by Jace great drawings out of the way, by the way. Oh, thanks, buddy. Yeah, I'm glad you started doing it again. Thanks. So am I, yeah. It's almost like I'm getting my life back because of bills. But anyways, I'm a woke cuck fag because I take an SSRI.

Anyway, come in here, Emma. Emma rolled in coyote shit today and ate a bunch of shit. And I had to wash her off by the pool. I had to tie her up and she watched me do laps. The dogs are really competing for which ones you put down once the baby's born. They know. Emma's going to bring in a whole

turd and place it next to the baby's head. She's going to look at you like, come on. Fucking put me down. I'm begging you. I'm begging you to kill me. Alright, let's go to Chili's. Alright. Chili's it is. Goodnight. Goodnight. Thank you.