lemonparty - 050: The Diaper Let Me Down

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

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I got one. I got something to start off with. On the way up here, on the road, there's a Mercedes crashed into a BMW. Wow. And you know what they call that? A Jew car pileup. Very good.

Huh? Isn't it crazy Jews own Mercedes? They drive Mercedes after everything? It's kind of like sleeping in your oven. Just powered by hookah. It just gets them around. They were old Jews. Oh, really?

So they should feel... Maybe that's why they drove them, because they were like, this reminds me of being in the Holocaust. My therapist told me I'm taking the holocaust so my my therapist told me i'm taking the power back one time i got a ride from hitler himself yeah imagine a jewish woman baking and she has like a ptsd flashback she looks at the muffins through the oven window and reminds me of her like grandpa yeah she's making imagine her making gingerbread cookies

yeah just putting the little people in the oven didn't rosanne do that didn't she like get in fake trouble for that she put a bunch of like she dressed up like hitler and she made a bunch of cookies that were juice it's always amazing to me when someone dresses up like hitler and i forget it i forgot rosanne dressed up like hitler also also forgot Michael Jordan used to have the Hitler mustache. Yeah, he was taking it back. Yeah. For a while.

To be fair. He was in commercials with the Hitler mustache. To be fair, he's been drinking pocket handles of whiskey for about 20 years now. The second he took that wizard's uniform off, he was just downing martinis. He was trying to convince Gatorade to just spike the drink. I didn't know he was an alcoholic. I thought he was just a gambling freak. Huge alcoholic.

Huge alcoholic. You seen his eyes? It's like looking at Mexico in Breaking Bad. Vince Gilligan uses his sclera as a filter. Because I want to be like Michael Jordan's eyes. Yeah, dude. Michael Jordan golfed so much, he had Oakley's put inside his eyes. One time I was roofing with an old black guy who fell off the roof,

but he was drunk all the time, and his eyes were yellow. was roofing with an old black guy who like fell off the roof but he was drunk all the time and his eyes were yellow yeah and i i like googled it i'm like black guy yellow eye and i found it it's jaundice their liver is failing yeah that's what's going on they're like their eyes turn the color of like a rat's tooth right it looks like their eyes have been gnawing on something yeah yeah their eyes were eating candy corn out of a circus bag yeah um no the same thing happens to white people but their skin also turns that color so you can't really oh there's their skin turns into like a vanilla tootsie roll that's what you're saying you're not their eyes their skin gets yellowish too kind of yeah yeah they turn into like homer simpson if you drink enough so you're like oxidizing yourself basically you might as well like sleep like in like sea foam and then wake up you're like yeah you're resting yourself

you're turning yourself asian basically yeah that makes you ever seen a guy with liver like a failing liver and their their stomach just juts out like it's it's like hard it's like a rock like they're oh it's like a fake tit it looks like a guy that just looks like he has a beer out like it's it's like hard it's like a rock like they're oh it's like a fake tit it looks like a guy that just looks like he has a beer gut but it's different it's a it's like a skinny guy kind of and then just a weird yeah like tumor beer yeah beer gut and then it has like the little thing in the stomach from total recall yeah exactly like a basketball left out in the sun it gets all the tumors on it kind of like it looks it's very bizarre looking as people become more retarded i think plastic surgeons will have requests for beer guts yeah they go the doctor

like can you just give me like a just make it look like i really just beat this shit out of my step kids that's the kardashians next phase huge beer gut getting a bgl put a nipple on the end of it too while you're at it put a big areola on the tip of my beer that would be pretty nice because you'd have like a upside down triangle titty titty titty titty you know oh yeah because if you're a guy too yeah so you have you have big fat tits and a big fat uh a beer gut tit yes yeah that might be a new fetish speaking of new fetishes by the way here we go great segue uh i didn't know what we were gonna do with this one oh well i can't wait for the time stamp guy to give us all the time stamps for the first five minutes beer gut areola jewish guy michael

jordan's eyes beer gut areola hitler mustache hitler did have a hitler mustache so he was like in capital one commercials with the hitler mustache i don't know if you michael jordan michael jordan what i said hitler had a hitler mustache and we were like yes yeah do you think that's why they called him hitler because he had a hitler mustache i said hitler had there was another guy with a hitler mustache that his name wasn't adolf it was he was just some nice guy a guy named hitler he never had heard no one had ever told his name was jeff hitler and he he loved the jews actually everyone they tried to tell adolf every kind of every time he raped a kid he would fly to israel to make sure a trial wasn't going down uh i was gonna uh it's not really like a segment on the show but i was

i was thinking it'd be funny for me to because out of the podcast it's everything's it's doing well you know and it's really it makes me happy, because out of the podcast, it's everything's, it's doing well, you know, and it's really, it makes me happy and really excites me. I'm wondering if I can somehow ruin it all by possibly showing you guys a content that's so bad you leave the show. This could be a new segment where I play something. Wait,

you're telling me you're just starting that now. He's just, he's decided to name it right this has been so i'm calling it a second this has been version of succession his us him trying to get us to leave the show yes because we hate him so much so he can keep the patreon that's right yeah that's right more for me because i'm having a kid i need to get you guys to walk out of the studio yeah you know i like that and obviously you never would i mean i'd have to show you something heinous i'll keep digging through my bag of tricks i'll find something where eventually you guys like have like you snap

yeah yeah i mean you guys just start walking like paris texas and you never come back logan roy's like kendall get over here we're gonna watch jimmy darts kendall's like all right dad i don't even want a part of the company anymore like I'm done. Every day with Nick Acato, Jimmy Dard, Sarah Hoekings. What's the dad's name in a... Logan. His name is Logan? Yeah. He's just playing Bejeweled on his phone, the game where you hit all the

diamonds and the big red candies, and he's watching Jimmy Dard. He's like, you're cocksucking. Fuck, I'm watching Skibbity Toilet. Watching Skibbity Toilet, Watching Skibbity Toilet. Cock sucker. Get in here. Cock sucker.

Get in here. Get in here. Get Ken on here. We're going to watch the JFL new faces. Ah, yeah. Skibbity Toilet. It's just another shit cunt day at the fuck factory. He's just watching Jimmy Darts give like Guatemalan like migrants like $100,000.

Yeah. He goes, that was heartwarming. Yeah. Heartwarming. Cock sucker. Cock sucker. And then he dies on that airplane because he eats a Mr. Beast burger. And it gives him an aneurysm at 30,000 feet. Somebody get me my prime.

Get me my prime. I'm an old man, but I'm a retarded 11-year-old. God damn it. Fuck boy Logan Roy. God damn it Roman I'm watching Flavor 2 God damn it

where are my joggers with cool designs on them you know I tie my pants with a string this is what I this is a new segment of Ben vision

is what we'll call it yeah this is what I mean it's not really a segment. You know, I'm just like, you know, I just,

I want to, I'm bringing something to you guys to try to piss you guys off. I think you said last week, you call it like drag me to hell. Yeah. It's called the drag me to hell segment where I, I, I basically open up a curtain and let you guys peek behind,

uh, like into the gates of hell. Yeah. Essentially. Your immediate taste is like an HP Lovecraft short story. Yeah. Like it will drive us insane. And his racial hell. Yeah, essentially. Your immediate taste is like an H.P. Lovecraft short story. Yeah. Like it will drive us insane. And his racial views.

Oh, sure. That was what Ben originally wanted to name Emma. Do you know about H.P. Lovecraft's cat? No. What was it? His cat was called the N-word. I swear to God, he had a cat called. Yeah, it was literally the N-word.

The boop. The boop. It was boop. Yeah. So he'd be like like he'd be out in Boston like in 1910 like yeah looking for his cat he'd be like here everybody goes you look for me no he's like no

I'm very scared of you I'm looking for my pet yeah come here I have treats for you that's crazy he was actually horrified of black people he would like run away from that that's why he was obsessed with fantasy lands yeah yeah he wanted to retreat into his mind yeah he thought cthulhu was shaquille o'neal isn't, though? Didn't they do a show on HBO, like Lovecraft Country, which was all black people? Yeah, they were taking it back by taking his stories and making them really shitty. They're like, what if we take his racist stories and we make them into a horrible TV show?

Do they know that? Like, he's super racist? Or is it kind of a thing you have to really look into? That was the reason they did the show. Oh, really? We're going to make his show about shitty black actors and omar from the wire for some reason i'm not even sure he was racist by the way he just like lived in 1910 and wrote books are you saying he's a gamer he was ironic well if you're if you're a guy who's like really into leading reading literature in the

like the 1900s like you know you're reading books where every other word is the n-word what else is he gonna call his cat he's reading mark twain and all this shit yeah what else what other word his cat was called boop jim i mean there were no other options yeah there were there was what you were one type of person back then it was it was racism yeah your defense your defense you go in his defense the cat was black so what could he call there was a monopoly on white personalities in the year 1910 and it was to be a racist guy who wrote uh books about like dead dead elves and stuff that was kind of it those were your only options it was that or you were like a guy on top of a skyscraper with a lunch pail yeah can i tell

you one of his that's's it. Oh, yeah. You go down to the unemployment office and they're like, all right, you can be racist or you can eat a sandwich on a big metal beam. That was it. Those guys just worked on the top of those skyscrapers

so they could say. Yeah. It's like a... It's like a guy... Because black people are really mad at the bottom. If I wasn't afraid of heights, damn it. Their wife was packing them a lunch.

Like, I know you get tired up there saying it. Right. They're like, imagine we were so high up we could say the N-word and black guys couldn't even jump up and grab us. And that's why they got so good at jumping. Yeah. Because they were trying to get up there. Hey, you fucking stop that. The Wright brothers

inventing the airplane so they can get high enough to just say it real quick. Just let it let one out. That's all they did it for. At Kitty Hawk, he's just 40 feet off the ground. He's going boop and then just lands. That's why we went to the moon.

Yeah. That's why we went to space. Dude, what if Neil Armstrong, like he lost his mind and his first word was the N-word? Wild to think about, right? Wild to think about. You know, as he's taking the step, he's like, don't say it.

Right. Don't fucking say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Dude. He's live. He's broadcasting to the entire world. He's like, fuck, I think I might say it.

Dude, like anytime. I might say it dude like i know because you get like that anytime i've been on tv i'm like don't say the n-word don't scream about puerto rico i would never do that but you're like you just panic so it's an unwanted thought syndrome thing what's his face talked about it on uh rogan uh uh my favorite uh musical artist luke combs oh right yeah luke combs like, he has a fear that he's going to say the N-word on stage, and he has an obsessive thought.

Also, why does he have a fear? He's afraid of applause and cheering. My biggest fear is a standing ovation. I'm afraid I'll say it on stage. Who can forget his song, Fast Cop Guy? My favorite Luke Combs. Yeah, about the reaction time of the police. afraid i'll say it right yeah who can forget his song fast cop guy my favorite luke gomes yeah about their reaction time of the police he uh he said to rogan he goes uh you know what helps my fear about being afraid that i'm gonna say it i in my head i go i might i might do it

you know what if i want to i will so he i take that power back the way he he cures is like going like rogue cop. He's like, I don't know what I do. I'm a sicko. Fuck you. Maybe I will say it. Maybe I want to say it. Maybe I might choose not to.

Truly. And then him and Rogan are staring at each other. And then they both say it at the same time. Right. I do think. I do think if the podcast gets successful enough you're gonna buy like a big chamber that sound can't escape from so you can just go in there and say slurs

just seal it and then spin a big submarine wheel that's what float tanks really are for right no one is actually meditating in there you're floating in a pool of water and you're just saying any slur that comes to your head he goes in and he's like it's like I was just walking into Plow to the Apes.

He tells all the stories he got cancelled for. Imagine you do meet the machine elves, like you smoke DMT and then the machine elves come and they're like, they're only 13% of the population. You're like, what? They're like, this is the secret of the universe.

Is that we're racist supposedly those are demons by the way those are like the archons the machine elves they're actually bad because they're constructing the material world and i wonder if that's why there's a big fetish amongst people that they want to fuck elves is that they want to fuck girls with the ears yeah they always have the elf ears and then the demons are the machine elves when you take DMT and trip and that's universally seen. It's very weird. Those people, they're too retarded

to even put that together. I think the elf... Yeah, maybe they're just gooning. I think the elf girl fucking thing is just you want to fuck retarded women. I think that's it. So if their ear is pointy, you think they have...

Yeah, it's the same as like if a hot girl had a big arrow through her head like Steve Martin, they'd be like, that's hot's hot yeah like i could fuck her because she's retarded and i suck yeah that makes like you want to fuck a girl wearing a helmet because they suck and they're like i can't get her pussy unless she has the brain of a nine-year-old yeah that is it oh they're the ultimate the ultimate loser fantasy of these guys is they're like i want to fuck if only there was a girl who i could fuck by being good at world of warcraft you know yeah this is kind of hitting a little too home for me right now and i'm very i'm very triggered is that how you got is that is that you guys met at a forum we were shopping for rascal scooters and

we met i uh i was down really bad once and called you know i had like a whole year where i didn't talk to a single person pretty much and i was going insane and i thought there were like demons and in the house i lived in it was basically like uh it was like lost highway we've talked about but there was a period where and i was doing really well because i had made a bunch of friends so it was like ben was um travis bickle and i was peter boyle just talking to him at a diner i was wizard is that the wizard yeah you would hang out with me once every 12 weeks and i would just i would just stare off into the distance like full metal jacket style as we're like eating kung pao chicken you beg so you're you're making friends and i'm like

you're making friends and I'm like nah nah nah I'm like that's cool and now you have two friends one your brother it took me 12 years to make two friends but I was down I was down pretty bad and I had this weird

ah man this is gonna make me sound like a real loser oh no you haven't done that yet dude I was down you have to understand like any man can be down really bad yeah sure i was the idea of a woman even talking to me was so far a human being much less there was this woman with the rj midi crutches walking around campus oh my god okay where. Okay. Where is this going? Oh, my God.

Where is this going to go? Dude, you wanted to fuck the kid from Breaking Bad? I thought about, for like four weeks, I thought about asking her out on a date. Dude, what if she said no? She goes, how is my posture better than yours? We're on a walk. She's like, would you keep up? She goes, do you need one of these? You ask her on a date. She's like, would you keep up? She goes, do you need one of these?

You ask her on a date, she goes, no, I have standards. She whips me. Yeah, you can't date a crab woman at a Christian Bible school. You're trying to bang women walking on all fours.

Trying to fuck a woman who looks like a Tauntaun from Star Wars. Trying to fuck Toni Collette from the end of Hereditary. Trying to fuck women that can crawl up your fucking, up your wall. Trying to date the spider from Monsters, Inc.

You sick fuck. You're jacking off to eight-legged freaks back at the dorm great movie it is oh god yeah i never i never did i didn't have here's what's funny i didn't have the balls was she attractive with that like if she didn't have the crutches i three years later i saw her again on campus i was like what was i thinking oh my god was there a fantasy going on in your head like you'd be like a really good guy for asking like something like that no i think it's he hated himself so much he's like this is the only woman who will touch my dirty filthy penis yeah wow i think that's the that

was the scenario honestly katie should get like like like government stipends for being with i mean it's unbelievable like government cheese it is uh she's like your social worker yeah she should get ebt but it was funny because it was like you were because you were still a good looking guy so I mean, it's unbelievable. They should send her, like, government cheese. It is. She's, like, your social worker. Yeah, she should get EBT. But it was funny, because it was, like, you were, because you were still a good-looking guy, so you were, like, one of those, like, chicks in, like, a 2000s comedy, you know? Yeah. We're, like, ah, nobody can fuck her. And I'm, like, just put the knife down.

And women will have sex with you. Yeah. I mean, I get it. I mean, I was also, dude, we were going to, like, Christian to like Christian school So it was like so hard to get pussy as well Yeah Because to get Easy to get gay guy sex though If you want that

Yeah we fucked lots of gay guys But That's how you guys practiced Yeah It's not You know how you like made out with your pillow When you were a kid We had sex with men

Yeah that was your G League. That was the minors. That's like a jugs machine for me. Just getting my dick sucked by a gay guy at a Christian Bible school. No, but to get pussy, you not only had to convince a girl to have sex with you, you had to convince her that hell wasn't real

and she wouldn't go there for sucking your penis. So how come... It's just because they believe more, right? Because if this was a Catholic school, I mean, you know, the whole lame trope. Oh, Catholic school. They'll fuck everybody. Yeah, exactly.

We'd get raped by women at a Catholic school. Yeah, but like, so it's not nearly the same with the Christian girls. It really is like a hell. They just keep not, they're like, we're saving for marriage. Girls like, Christian girls, they just like form,

they like stick their hands in like dish soap and then they form their hands into a pussy above their pussy you fuck that i'm like you guys are so fucked up i'm like is that true it might be well so there's all these different ways it's a lot of dry humping right a lot of dry humping dry humping soaking was big when we were in college have you heard it's okay where they you stick the dick in and that's it you stick the dick and you can't move you could just let it lay there how well how did you get how does how do they convince themselves that's not set like it's still penetration once and then out once to end there's no friction though so like are your atoms technically touching yeah but you guys don't even believe in science what is that friction that kind of has a good point here.

Yeah, I mean, there's also a lot of girls who get fucked in the ass because they're like, well, it's not my pussy. Right, right, right. God only cares about my pussy. That's sick. You guys started at the extremes. Yeah, we started with ass fucking. We started with ass fucking. But you could come in this martini glass and I'll drink it.

I'm a Christian. Yeah, that's what we started with fucking guys in the ass that we went up to fucking women in the ass did i tell you there was a guy who got married his freshman year and divorced sophomore year and it's because his wife found out that uh or found out he told her i told you about the diaper guy you did i tell you about the diaper guy no it's not me i didn't have a previous marriage no i mean you about the diaper guy? No, it's not me. I didn't have a previous marriage. No, I mean, you were the diaper guy. You're the only diaper guy I know. No, but like an actual diaper guy.

Oh. A real diaper guy. So he did what? She went to her friends and was like, hey, ex. My husband. Yeah. Who we'll call ex. Who we'll call ex.

He likes to lay down in the bedroom on like he lays down on his back and uh he wants me to talk to him in like a baby voice she's like ah sexy he's like you ladies know how it is it sucks and they're like no what would you elaborate on that and she goes well you know like when when you have to lay down with your husband and he wants you to like change his underwear and his diaper and stuff and they're like oh no that's they were like honey that's not normal and she immediately what's normal is your husband fucks you in the ass until you have a baby man that's insane i thought see i thought soaking was for like mormons and shit mormons also do it and we're very similar to mormons okay the church of christ christians but she divorced him because he and

then what's funny is he put out a song the next year on his facebook where he was singing on the guitar about how she was the love of his life and stuff but we were like you're you're forever diaper you're you're you're you wanted your wife to change your diaper that you shit and pissed in and came in he wrote a country song called the diaper the diaper let me down that is insane what were you gonna look at Ben oh yeah so uh what I was for the drag me to hell segment this week I was gonna show you a guy that fucks pool toys

can we show this on yeah I think I could just blur it kind of right here well it's on YouTube right oh is this on Twitter it's on Twitter that's insane that's um it's on YouTube, right? Oh, is this on Twitter? It's on Twitter. That's insane. That's fucking Free Willy. God.

Wow. Yeah. And this is what Kamiya thinks interracial marriage is. Yeah, this is what Blackfish was about. Blackfish was a guy dating him. Too many freaks fucking inflatable whales. Jesus Christ. Is this Hunter Biden? You remember that?

We all remember that pic of Hunter Biden in that trio where there was that big squirtle behind him. Sure. Ducky. This is Hunter Biden. This is Hunter Biden. And it would be, can you pause it real quick? Yeah, I'll keep playing it with sound you know if if hunter biden like if this was found on his laptops dem democrats would be like so what's the big deal so he fucks a big inflatable squirtle while he's saran wrapped

his ass and balls it looks like looks like a scene from Austin Powers. It is pretty crazy, right? What's this one? Well, there's a whole bunch of people that just love... What are they in? Turn the volume down. What is this in? What type of inflatable thing is that?

This is some rare inflatable rhino pool toy he got inside of. They like to get inside the pool toys and just kind of have a good time. Is this in prison? The room looks like a Swedish prison. I mean, it's his own prison. Why are the scissors so close to the camera? What is he doing with those? Why is he wearing shorts under the pool toy?

What is that, a head? That's a beach ball from Frozen. I think he's going to fuck that. I do love that he's fucking a beach ball on camera. He's like i gotta put i gotta put shorts on so i'm decent i can't have people see my ass this is on youtube i fuck a frozen beach oh mother there's a whole apparently so these people call themselves lunars what they're called lunars they like to get inside inflatable pool toys

what does that even mean? Because they should be in the loony bin. Is that it? I'm guessing it has to do with gooners, right? Let me see. Lunar. Oh, because they fuck like loony tunes? No, I think it's like latex, right?

So it's like a balloon fetish is referred to as a lunar. How could I be so silly to not think of that? Stupid, stupid, stupid. So there's like audio role play for these people where they're like they show up to like shift trust me can i tell you i would rather if i had a kid i would rather them come to me and tell me they're fucking kids than that they're fucking a big that's what's so sick about it is they're they're fucking a child's toy yeah if they're fucking uh like a a billiard table yeah or like a yeah if they're fucking a deck of cards yeah or an art class this is like a it's like a slow lead into pedophilia it's like it's like it's like bowling with like

the with the rubber with the rubber gutters that's right what has to happen to you as a kid to get you into this you know i don't want to be offensive but i don't think people are born lunars you have to get molested in a pool or something it's disney plus yeah it's disney it's the damn it's the damn vaccine this is what happens when you have parents that are like just catatonic sociopaths that they live in Los Angeles and they only vacation at the Disney Resort. In Anaheim. In Anaheim.

So they're like, we're going on vacation. They take a 45 minute drive and they go to the Disney Resort and you're at Disneyland for three straight days. Yes. And you just are,

the only thing you see are Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and you just, everything is, you're in Toontown and you're just obsessed with tunes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you start, and you go, is a toontown and you're just obsessed with tunes and then you start and you go what if I start looning

that's the gateway to it it might be the gateway honestly Disney is sick it's an insane I was just there it's the creepiest place on earth it is a lot of like MK chanting it's so sick.

What rides did you go on? Oh, my God. A lot. Because the people I was with, they're, like, rich. They work for, like, Apple. So they were just, like, paying for the Fast Pass thing all the time. It's not that good. California Adventure is good because you can walk and drink.

Sure. And that's fun. But, like, they have the Star Wars ride at Disneyland. Yeah, they replaced Space Mountain. Yeah. not that good california adventure is good because you can walk and drink sure and that's fun but like they have the star wars ride at disneyland yeah they replaced uh space mountain yeah did they yeah that was space mountain now it's hyper space mountain no no no no this was on the other side of the park oh dude it's crazy it's the it's the entire side of the park is devoted to star wars and it's not even really a ride like you it's like role play like you get bullied like there's actors and they take you up into this place and people go like get in line and they like they yell at

you if you don't respond to them and i literally i this lady was like being like are you hearing me and i go i'm not doing this what is this hey yell that bitch i can get you fired right now Yeah it's And but there was like fat couples That were like Get in line Get in line Yeah dude they're like Darth Vader just told us To put our churros down

Yeah and meanwhile you're like Hey if you yell at me I'll tell the park That you grabbed my son's cock I was this close to being like Fuck off bitch In front of like a bunch of children I was like hung over.

I'm like, what am I doing here? You make $7 an hour, and you're a psychopath. You pull your dick out. Take a look at this bitch. You like this? Yeah, I got a ride for you. Sit and spin, bitch. Hey, I got a lightsaber for you right here,

but it's got my car. Must be this dumb to ride, you whore. Oh, but yeah. But the people, I realized the only time most Americans get exercise is when they go to Disneyland. Is waiting in line for something. That's why they go. It's the only time you burn calories.

It's their gym. Yeah. Most Americans exercise is walking to get nachos. Yep. Yep. To get an $18 turkey leg. Dude, it was so funny. I went to, this was a long time ago. I went to Disneyland

with my bitch whore ex-girlfriend and, no, she's a nice lady. I went with her. Nah, she's, nah, fuck her. She sucked. Nah, listen.

Nah, didn't I like her? Was not a fan of her. And then you've said that many times. I met her twice and don't remember her at all, but fuck her. So we went to, she dragged me to Disneyland because I was just trying to drop my evil seed in her as I've discussed. I'm going to make that a thing. I'm going to call having sex.

Just dropping my evil the goo the seed dropping my evil goon seed in my woman no we went to disneyland we went with one of her friends and her boyfriend who was like this like graphic designer just like faggy guy yeah and he um he kept he couldn't go on the rides because he was scared and i could see his girlfriend losing respect for him as we were going throughout the ride it was very funny i took him to a bar and i got him drunk and i like i was like we'll start on the teacups and then we'll go to we'll work our way to space mountain i felt so bad for this fucking loser just that he was standing outside the tower of terror like almost throwing up in a trash can and And I could see his girlfriend, like, planning, like, the breakup in front of him.

I'm terrified to go on rides like that, too, because I always picture myself dying. Like, even on the teacup one where it spins, I think it's going to, like, break and I fly out. Like, my head gets cut off. This is Disneyland. Worst case scenario, you, like, lose a leg, but then you get a million dollars from the Walt Disney Corporation. That happens at, like, Six Flags. People get decapitated at, like, Six Flags and yeah shit disneyland is if you go on a ride at a county fair you are retarded and should die yeah county fair rides are insane that's crazy

yeah the county fair rides are built by people who dive from like cops like shooting them yeah yeah yeah i think i'd rather get lost in the woods than go to disney then go on a ride at disneyland i think those are kind of your two options in america like you like that guy did you see that guy in wisconsin no uh he he showed up to the capital uh with a gun and he's like yeah when's the governor coming in and they're like uh we're not telling you and he's like well i'm gonna wait here until he comes here so well you need to tell him because i'm actually working for the government and this is a sigh yeah he hired me yeah he waited he wanted to kill the governor and what they did is they they arrested him and took his gun away and he bail was like 500 or something crazy low

and he immediately got out and then got an ak-47 and went back to the capital like two hours later and like showed back up oh this happened yeah, yeah, I'm going to kill the governor. This happened like a year after the Capitol riot, right? This was like this morning. Oh, okay. Right, right. This was this morning.

He's like a dog that keeps just getting out of the yard. Yeah. Because everything's just so broken. Well, why don't he keeps getting out? Because the FBI pays his bail. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, there are a lot of stories of like a retarded guy suddenly has an arsenal of weapons because the FBI gave it to him. These people aren't bail. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are a lot of stories of like a retarded guy suddenly has an arsenal of weapons because the FBI. These people aren't real. No. That whole Gretchen Whitmer thing. That was the Gretchen Whitmer thing. The she's the governor of Michigan.

Some bullshit. Oh, where they were going to kidnap her. That was fake. That was all fake. Yeah, that was. That was like our government. Yeah. They probably are just paying this guy to show up with a gun.

Yeah. Yeah. What a job. Because why they only give him a bail of like five grand. You, they probably are just paying this guy to show up with a gun. Yeah. Yeah. What a job. Because why do they only give him a bail of like five grand? You tried to kill the governor? Yeah. I mean, they, I mean, they, they're,

I mean, like Randy Quaid probably works for the FBI. He should. That's what they look for. Yeah. You know? I probably work for the FBI. I don't even know it. I do too.

No. I mean, Ben, you could have been, you could have been radicalized by the FBI very easily. Because they kind of look for... I read an article about there was like a retarded Muslim guy who like really wanted to get pussy. And then an FBI agent was just like being like, oh, you know, Mohammed, I'll be your boyfriend if you like kill the president of the United States. And he was typing back, I don't want to do that because I don't want to go to Muslim hell.

She's like, no, I'll suck your dick and show you my titties if you kill the president. He's like, I don't have any guns. She's like, you can take my guns. And they just like, they literally shipped him guns. They gave him a bunch of like fake bombs and stuff. Yeah. Like paper mache dynamite. And then they arrest him.

I think they took him to Guantanamo. He's probably still in Guantanamo Bay right now. They get bored. Yeah. And they need to take some retardamo. He's probably still in Guantanamo Bay right now. They get bored. Yeah. And they need to take some retard down. Yeah. They don't care if you have brain damage. They don't care if you were hit by a truck.

They just go to like Payless Shoestar and they like any adult buying like Velcro sneakers. They're like, that's our guy. Right there. Got him. Got him. Got him. We're going to torture him. The guy standing with his legs crossed for support.

Yeah. He goes, I'm standing Indian style. The guy who... We found our guy. We found our guy. There's a guy, he just turned his pockets out to look for candy. Yes, director of the FBI, I'm going to need $5 million. He keeps asking if they have the Spider-Man Skechers in a size 14.

Yeah, and they walk up to him and they go, how would you like a tank, son? Oh, I found a confessional from an OnlyFans girl describing what a lunar wanted from her. Oh, okay. So I guess OnlyFans people, they're trying to get into vlogging on YouTube here. This bitch? Yeah, so now you guys can...

And by the way, there's a huge crossover with lunars and furries well hey hopefully they go to war soon there's a lot of lives the second american civil war yeah the lobby of a holiday yeah it's a it's a fox dressed like general robert e lee on a horse that's just a guy inside it's comic-con kevin smith is is yeah kevin smith in a devil's holding a sword and riding a horse into battle brian posan is the horse yeah very good very good brian posan was a loser comedian from the 2000s oh do people not know who that is i don't think a lot of people do oh wow he's like, he's only big does.

Read a book. He's in books. Read a book. Yeah, I've heard of Mark Twain. Objects. I had heard of this fetish before. Like I said, so had Amanda, but she had seen like a TLC special on it. And the man was in love with the infl on TLC there's like three of them and they're called

Lunars but of course TLC was like yeah we had like seven seasons of that show it wasn't really a hit guys blowing up balloons and fucking them well TLC had that great show My Strange Addiction where they would call people up and go hey would you like us to ruin your life on national television yeah well sure

I'm mentally insane yeah so why not we heard you can't stop uh can't stop fucking that your gas tank the car guy is my favorite one i love that yeah the guy who fucks cars the guy who looks like you inflated ben like a lunar inflated ben and he's just laying under his car and he's giving it little kisses on the license plate he's dude he's getting fucked by his car missionary yeah he's christian yeah they have a christian car fucker it's great they have him on the show and they convince him to tell his dad that he wants to fuck his car and his dad comes on camera he's just like this sheepish old a guy who cuts out dillberg cartoons you can tell like a meek old man a meek old man who uh never got good pussy and uh has you know made good money because he knows computers and stuff but he's never smiled once in his life he

got a bomber jacket at 50 and he's like this is really next level stuff my old guy bomber but it's got a big scorpion on the back because he loved drive and he's he comes on camera and his son's like i i need to tell you that me and Lucille, my car, I fuck her. I have sex with my car. We're in love. And the dad's just like, oh, okay. All right, well. Jesus.

I'm going to go hang myself in the attic. That's the white BB King. The white version of BB King fucks a car named Lucille. You know what I don't understand about lunars though it make what makes no sense is doesn't a condom kind of do it for you because it's latex and it's like a balloon and you're putting it on your day i used to jack off in condoms all the time maybe that's maybe that's the gateway for them is one condom they go hey what if this was my whole body wow yeah because you never see like a mexican guy who's into looning. Because they don't even know what condoms are.

No, no, no. Because they also think Looney Tunes are real. So they want to fuck Lola Bunny because they think she's real. Yeah, they fuck their shirts. Cholas are driving around Anaheim looking. They fuck their own shirts. Yeah. Cholas are driving around Anaheim looking for lola bonnie they're going to golf courses and they're trying they're looking for the hole that makes you go to the looney tunes world

they think space jam is real they're at they're at lakers game and they go lebron where's the computer but they're also pissed off that in the second space jam they took her titties away oh they did take her tits away they made it they made her an ugly dick they didn't give her a fat ass huh no they made her an ugly did they do the thing where they like slid like her ass is kind of small but they kind of slid the pants down so you're like oh i can kind of see the bones she's not hot at all in space jam too that's the whole point well the whole point of a girl bugs bunny which because by the way a girl bugs bunny not funny at all bugs bunny is hilarious girl bugs bunny sucks ass no not funny at all yeah but she's just hot and you want to fuck her that's the whole point

introducing it's it's they have to ruin everything they have to introduce a woman into the bugs bunny life you know it's like, come on. Bugs Bunny, the perfect comedian. Yes. The funniest guy to ever live. So funny he wouldn't have a girlfriend. He would never get pussy. He would never do it. No, he'd be addicted to whores. Yeah. Oh, he'd have a harem. You know who I'm really pissed off at is Daisy

Duck. Because Daffy Duck's hilarious. You know, he's always like going freaking out. Yeah. And then Daisy Duck's just like oh i'm i'm a whore yeah oh i'm just here i suck daffy's cock she doesn't even sound like she spits on it no daffy sounds like he spits no daffy eats pussy real good oh yeah that's daffy's main game this is this is us getting back into stand-up and we're're on stage, and I'm dressed like Chris Rock in Bigger and Blacker. And I'm going, you know Daffy B. Spin on the pussy.

You're pacing the stage. You're walking back and forth. Taking huge steps back and forth. And then at the end, you go, long live Chappelle. You dropped the mic. Daisy Duck does kind of look like She gets stuck in the washing machine But then she doesn't even let you put it in

Daisy Duck looks like she fucks Huey, Louie, and Dewey Oh, the kids? Yeah, the kids run a train on her That whore Whore Daisy Duck I always wondered if Scrooge McDuck Like had his way with those three boys

Because it was a weird Scrooge McDuck was on Epstein's Island Just raping 12 years olds Yeah, that was an analogy for i think you're right for the elite you're probably right they were trying to warn us yeah yeah yeah anyway back this lady literally looks like the guy the the girlfriend of logan paul that like dylan dennis can't stop posting like naked pictures of yeah she looks like oh the lady that fucked everybody apparently apparently fucked everybody she looks like a whore on et's home planet she looks insane don't be funny if tomorrow dylan dennis posts a picture of her of of

logan paul's wife like fucking an inflatable yeah she's fucking the pool raft the pool toy guy yeah and 12 year olds are just like i think it's cool i drink prom i think it's cool yeah i don't get so i don't get it are you do you want to fuck a lady that's fucked like she's so hot she's fucked everybody or do you want to fuck a lady that's never ever fucked anybody ever because no one wants to fuck her i don't get it like what are you supposed to want i don't think those guys care they're hot and they've got pussy their whole life that's just a twitter it's just fake it's just online bullshit it's you you want to fuck

a woman that's been around a little bit yeah so otherwise she's not even hot right well they want you want them to have been yeah close the door i am really i've had it with and they haven't even been in the room today i know they haven't they didn't come up here thank god yeah we closed the door in time yeah but katie's getting robbed by just six katie's katie's in the beginning of straw dogs right now she's in the beginning of last house yeah it's like funny games yeah she's being tortured with a fucking scarecrow mask right we're like honey we're trying to talk about daisy duck's pussy yeah this is gonna be used as evidence guys guys who are like care about the body count they're guys who don't get. That's it. They're not hot and they don't get pussy. That's the new thing that Alt-Right says is good

is grooming kids so then you know they don't get fucked. I don't like Logan Paul, but he was getting laid at like nine years old. He's like, I don't give a shit. I'm hot and women want to fuck me. He doesn't care. The only people you should listen to about sex, honestly,

on the internet are black dudes. And you always read it and you go, that's, yeah, interesting, interesting point. I don't know what to get. You look at it, you go, I don't know what's going on in your community, but that is interesting. I get it. I get it. They have great points and then they go, and by the way, we all, you cheat on your girlfriend. Yeah, it's a very like.

You fuck the homeless girl at the bus stop when you're waiting for the bus. It's envious. It's envious.'s envious i get i get envious but when i read like black guys on twitter and i'm like but i like you know there's like black dudes that like i i watch and they they they say all the things about like the nba that i that i i agree with and all this shit and then out of nowhere there'll just be some crazy tweet about like cheating on your wife or something and i'm like huh dude i saw it interesting and i'm like i i maybe i should start adopting that i don't know i love this guy to do that i got he he made a great breakdown of kobe versus lebron last week and i agree with it fully i got i gotta cheat on you because jimmy high roller told me to

i think that's like a filipino that's the only black guy i know online that i followed no i saw i saw a twitter thread that went like viral on twitter but it was just like a black guy just being like dad um period loki when you start hating the shit out of your girlfriend and i i dude i looked at like 10 000 retweets like 100 000 faves yep and every comment was just a dude who looked like that guy on r slash cigars just being like god i hate a fucking voice that stupid bitch thinking about killing her every day like a guy that looks like rick ross but he wears like joe rogan's like paper boy cap yeah yeah yeah this guy's and he looks like a turtle like he like lives in his hat

yeah a guy who could make a guy who could make a million dollars a year or five dollars a year and i don't know and you know yeah you have no clue and it won't matter because they'll have the exact same lifestyle exactly the type of guy that has a youtube channel that is just incriminating evidence where for a year straight he's like this is how I've been scamming Best Buy they just play that video in court they get taken down and you're like man I've been watching that channel what the fuck a YouTube channel he's called this is how I scam

disability from the government the government okay so this lady she's gonna break down I hate her already I hate her bed. I hate that stupid whatever. What is the end of your bed called? The headboard. The headboard. Fuck that weird fucking

stupid board. I hate her omnivore eyes on either side of her head like a fucking cow. I hate how she didn't even put the mic under her fucking bra. Yeah. I hate that she's not... I just hate that she's a woman. You guys work on having reasons? I also hate that she's a woman. Do you guys work on having reasons? I also hate that she

has a pussy and she didn't fuck me. That's what I thought. He wanted us to pop the balloons. We were supposed to blow them up and then kind of like bounce on them a little bit and then struggle to pop them.

I love the music. She's playing. She's making her own bird bath at home and doing a DIY tutorial. That's the type of music it is. It's like, here's how I make like a three egg omelet. Yeah. Yeah. I was just,

I was literally thinking of her, like editing the video, putting it together and being like, what's the best copyright music to talk about the balloon guy who wanted to rape me and like clicking through tracks of that music that's like an alarm on your iphone i would rather like sit on balloons and pop them though than work go back to the dog food store like i'd rather do this oh i would do almost i would do almost anything except have a real job i was pretty close to i mean eight hours a day I was putting dog food cans on shelves. I was ready to kill myself.

If you told me my options were either go back to selling firearms or once every six months I have to kill a dog. Yeah. I'm not even kidding. I would take that. I would do that, too. Because I would just convince myself they're bad dogs. I'd walk into whatever room's designated. I'd be like, I wouldn't even hesitate.

I'd be like, this dog is very racist. I would just go, just doing my job. Just doing my job. Just doing my... I mean, Ben, I understand that position you had from the dog food story. I mean, that's rough. Like, to be...

To put a... You were like... You were like... You were feeding dogs health food. Like, you had to, like... You had to stock health food dog food. Yeah, dogs eat better than I do. I mean, working at the dog food store is like a joke you made up to make fun of a loser.

Yeah, it kind of is. Like, oh, what do you work at the dog food store? Yeah, and before that, I worked at the Chinese restaurant. Folks, some would say there's not much of a difference. We call that a lateral move. Ladies and gentlemen. Sorry, Dan sorry what were you gonna say great minds great minds hey the trio in full effect tonight yeah they're like stockton and malone of making fun of chinese people and dogs can we listen to the whore that got molested? Yes, all right. Let her play. It's only a nine minute video from the psychopath.

Obviously, yeah. I mean, do you really need a whole vlog about it? I mean, she acts like she's assembling a tent or something. Like that's the vibe of this video is not like. Yeah, how to change your oil. Yeah, it's like the detrimental nature of what she's actually talking about doesn't match the music. Yeah. Okay, let's see talking about doesn't match the music. Yeah. Okay.

Let's see what this nice lady has to say. Struggle to like pop them. And so we were like kind of trying to figure out what about this turns people on? Because it's not like this is the only person who has this fetish. I know that Lydia Love posted probably like a year ago by the way apparently most furries are into looning and i looked up how many furries there there are there's like there's like three million registered furries it's like 2.8 million what does that mean i think they like what they're pedophiles they're a voter group i think they have to go to the dmv and like

sign away when they move into a neighborhood they have to tell their neighbors they're furries apparently there's like three billion of them though like they estimate they don't get like normal tags on their license plate it's just like a picture of like mickey mouse it's like it's like coyotes you can't know how many there are in the world like scientists can only estimate right like they ear tag some of them and track them on like gps yeah i gotta tell Ben, what a drag me to hell segment. I hate all these people so much. It's about lunars. And I had seen,

she posted it, but I never watched it because like, it doesn't really affect me. I'm not a lunar. I have never had a, why are you talking about the net? So I never actually watched it, but just sit on the balloons.

You dumb whore and pick up and get some tits, bitch. Literally. Yeah. But you. Get some tits, bitch. Yeah, but you blow up your tits next, retard. Why don't you blow your tits up with that air? I think this is, I think every OnlyFans girl has like a fat assistant. Yeah, it's like a Dr. Frankenstein Igor relationship. Yeah, that's her best friend that

like stops you from fucking her. And by the way, she's not fat. No, she's just normal looking. She's not fat, but if you're normal looking, you're fat. She's normal looking, which I find disgusting. And she should be killed. There we go.

And then we sat on top of them and we bounced on them. And then he wanted us to struggle to pop. The music is literally like my weekend in Sequoia National Park. We're practically pop proof until we figured out that if you dig into the

scene with your nails... They gotta pop the balloons. I guess, I don't know, what I was trying to figure out is at what point do you climax as a lunar? Is it when the balloon pops? Because I know that is a big part of it. Yeah, that's like their facial is when it pops yeah it's when you

envision your parents heads getting blown off there's like all these like fetish playlists on YouTube where it's like pool toy fetish I guess guys just jack off to like people getting on pool toys just her in a backyard on a banana yeah that's just a 15

year old girl we're playing on our podcast right now. No, she's not 15. She's much older. It says her name is Beth. What are the odds that she's 15? No young women are named Beth. No young women are Beth. That's true.

Jace, enough of that. What's great is there's so much content. Wow, look at her. She looks like she runs a cat ranch in Vegas and now she makes money doing this yeah she bounces balloons

she does have old whore collarbones she does yeah that collarbone you get from 20 years of hooking I still by the way I haven't figured out how they all get in the inflatable pool toy that's an industry secret well this that's passed inflatable pool toy. That's an industry secret.

Well, this. That's passed from. That's passed from. It's an industry secret. Yeah. That's like magicians. You know, you have to like. Yeah.

Well, this lady looks like a mature lunar. She's a mature lunar. Because she's got that vibe. Like she's eaten a lot of 499 steak dinners in Vegas. Like off the strip. Yeah. She's like, I was looning for Johnny Carson back in the 70s.

She makes an honest living, though. She doesn't, you know, go and lie about being raped by Trevor Bauer or anything like that. Look at you! You know about that? Old Segway Benjamin over here. Oh my god!

Look at you! I know about something that's going on Look at you. I know about something that's going on in the world. You know about, and a sport too. Very exciting. Can I tell you to be fair? Ben is lying right now.

I told him about this 10 minutes before we got here. No, that's not true. We also were sharing it in the group text earlier today. I knew about it before you guys even knew about it. Actually.

Well, did you see? I actually watched Steven Crowder's show and I enjoy it. Yeah? Yeah, I love Steven Crowder. That's actually Steven Crowder's wife is the accuser of Trevor Bauer. Yeah, really?

That's her? Might as well be. Yeah, that was crazy. She's a lying hooah. Who, Trevor Bauer? No, the woman. Oh, yeah, the lady did lie. I mean, he had some other ones.

I don't know about those. They didn't come forward. They didn't have the balls to, you it's like it's like buck up you know but this one did and she's completely insane and obviously lying yeah she seems like a retard she went on that show and talked to that woman uh in an interview and she just i've never i've never seen anything like that i'm like i can't believe your lawyers told you yeah you sent me that i didn't have time to watch it but i saw her like breathe in to start talking. I'm like, oh, that's a lying rape victim.

It's crazy. Yeah. You can tell she's lying. You can. It's well, I mean, she's she just keeps saying that's a great question. And that's very interesting. You'd ask that. And then she says nothing because she's lying.

That one. That one is lying. It'd be great if she did that interview and then accuse that a reporter of raping her that's her like that's how she gets out of every situation she's kind of like she's at the she's at like the grocery store and she's like doesn't have enough money she's like you did rape me so she's essentially a pickup artist but for raping she's like you got to shoot your shot a hundred times a day and you're gonna get one well yeah every major cues a hundred guys of rape a day you'll get one every major sport literally does have like a caravan of whores who are trying to get pregnant or raped exactly there is like you have to you do have to be careful because like you know yeah every like

nba all-star game there's like a flock of women that like fly out to like atlanta or wherever the all-star game's taking place there's there's literally twitter accounts that post like hey fucking draymond green is at the the lounge like and then just whores just uh descend on me and they like they wait you come in a condom you go to the bathroom and they run to the fucking trash can and they like they like they they they like it like a like a like toothpaste they like shove your cum in their pussy and they try and have your your baby and then and then they're tied to you forever and you owe them money forever there's literally nba players who have gotten girls gogurt pregnant while they were wearing a condom there's a story i heard i don't

know if this is substantiated or not rich guys should just get a get a dick vasectomies but go on well i mean you don't want to that's a sin um but i i heard a story once it's probably fake but apparently like a lot drake apparently this was about that they told them take the condoms with you but what they do instead is those guys they have a condom and then they fuck and then they pull out a thing a hot sauce from like taco bell and then they fuck, and then they pull out a thing of hot sauce from Taco Bell, and then they pour the hot sauce in the condom. And it kills the babies? Apparently. Actually, now that I say that, that's completely fair. I don't think... I mean, Taco Bell

hot sauce, not hot enough to kill my babies. Yeah, you need, like, ghost pepper sauce. Also, they're black sperm, so that would actually make them stronger. Oh, as strong as hell. Yeah, that's how Shaq was born. That sperm is dunking from the free throw line.

Gianna Santa Dekuma was a combination of Louisiana hot sauce and black eye cum. You should do it like you're smuggling heroin. You should come in the condom, tie it, and then swallow it. Or stick it up your own ass. Or stick it up your own ass, yeah. Never... she's trying to dig it out while you're asleep never throw your condom in the trash can even us losers not that we are ever gonna do it we're all yeah sure happily married

on our girlfriends and wives but and we go on the road constantly yeah Oh, sure. No, if I was those guys, I would never, ever let my cum be seen. I'd throw it out the window. I think. I would be like Leo in The Departed, like taking the wire off. I'd throw it into a fountain from like 10 stories up, and then I'd call somebody and go like, I can't do this no more. Drake does probably get his condoms cremated. Yeah.

I think if I was Drake, I would fuck on a big bear rug. Maybe a polar bear. Because white always looks good on black people, you know? Sure. So I'd fuck on a polar bear rug next to a... What does that mean? You really are a sick man. What does that mean?

I'm imagining myself as a very rich, famous black guy. White always looks good on black people? Is that against the law or something? Because of the contrast? Is that what you mean? White looks good on black people. Is that against the law? Because of the contrast? Is that what you mean? White looks better on black people than it does on white people. Not that you want to see it on black people. That's what it sounds like.

You have to understand who we're dealing with here with you. Who are we dealing with? You. Yeah. You really, I was just thinking, if you were a famous black person, you would set the African-American community back 50 years. Oh, my God. More than Cosby.

Dude, you would be walking around like a 1970s pimp. Fucking Malcolm R. over here. Yeah, Malcolm N. I'd be, if I was Drake, I'd be, I'd fuck that Bobby girl, the podcast lady, Bobby. Bobby Althoff? I hate that bitch. The lady with lopsided tits.

I hate her. Apparently he fucked her. That's what people say, but who knows? I don't really think it. Yeah, I don't know. But anyway. I just think she sucks. Yeah, I mean, she's...

Her whole thing is I'm bored around black people. Yeah, and her parents are millionaires and she married a millionaire. She's doing like a Zoomer Emmett Till. Yeah. She's like Emmett Till's accuser, but in the TikTok world. You know how I knew Drake fucked her, by the way? A few weeks later, she did an interview with Shaquille O'Neal, and apparently Shaquille O'Neal is the horniest man alive.

Anybody that knows Shaq is like, don't let your wife around Shaq. He'll try to fuck her, and he probably is going to pull it off. My mom met Shaq. Did she fuck him? No, but he was getting a divorce from his wife at the time. He was very nice. I don't know why I said this, but yeah, my mom met Shaq. Can you imagine fucking Shaq, by the way?

I mean. That'd be like getting run over by a Jeep. Of course I could imagine it. Shaq probably fucks like Toyota Corollas for fun. They're like tiny to him. Shaq fucks you and then he blows a bunch of flies out of his mouth. It would be funny if he had a tiny dick. Shaq!

He doesn't have a great dick. Really? It's not as proportionate as it should be for Shaq. So then it looks small. It looks, but it's big. But in his hand it looks small. It's super big. Because his hand is so big.

It's super big because he's Shaq. But comparative to who you would think, you think Shaq's dick's going to be Lexington Steel size, and it's not. But I bet you, I bet you he's got some big balls down there. He doesn't have a dick. How do you know this, by the way? Maybe you don't watch porn. I've read Soup Ahead and all this. I bet you he's got some big balls down there. He doesn't have a dick. You ever watch... How do you know this, by the way?

Maybe you don't watch porn. I've read Soup Ahead and all this. You know, I'm very black. I read the black community stuff. I read all these things, you know? Sure. But you ever see those porns where it's designed to be like he looks like a kid? Like it's a stepmom fucking...

Jesus! No, but it's like a guy. It's a stepmom fucks her son. So it's like a MILF porn and like a young looking... Don't do Jesus with me. You know the porn where it's like it looks like it's a kid? Don't do Jesus

with me. No, no, no. Oh, would it be better if they said the N-word throughout it? I've read that. I've seen that. No, no, no no but there's these porns out there where it's like it's just a tiny man I'm aware of what

you're talking about you know what I'm talking about Jason I goon stepmom we goon I'm like ew you don't understand I finish him

my wife thank you very much you're sitting here having drive fantasies with this background I mean you fucking you know wearing your scorpion jacket it would be funny if eight hours a day

I sat here and pretended I was driving. You probably do. Who knows what you're up to? You're too retarded to goon, frankly. Yeah, I can't handle it. You can't get into a nice goon like me and Devin can. I can't handle it. You don't even know what it's like, dude, to rent out a Barney's Bannery

and just goon with your bros. I sit in the stadium seats yeah and i go it's all mine and i just play eight different porns at the same time eight wins yeah i mk ultra myself with porn yeah but anyway there's these videos where i saw like a distant light in jace's eyes like i looked into your eyes and there was like a light like a thousand miles away well you know when you you talk about something you're passionate about, I go to another place. Come on. It's like the

theater for us. Yeah. It's like Kabuki. Oh, you're like, you guys are actually Travis Bickle. You go to the movie theater and you appreciate the pornos playing. Yeah. Dickhead. I don't even know where those are. Yeah. It's unfortunate those have ended. It is unfortunate, actually.

No one goes to the cinema anymore. Imagine if Fred Willard was alive. Where would he go? Yeah, where would Paul Rudman's go? It's sad what happened. Sad, frankly. They killed them. That's why they died,

because they couldn't jack off at theaters anymore. But anyway, my main point was, there's all these porns with these guys that look kind of like... String beans. String bean 17-year-old kids. Oh, year old kids oh yeah yeah but they have giant cocks and they fuck their stepmom it's proportional to the body and yeah and those guys have bigger dicks than shack apparently which is crazy who told you that shack has a small dick i just i've read online

soup ahead so you know soup ahead no she's just this black whore that like has fucked everybody on earth and she wrote a book about it and she she wrote a book about sucking off shit and she said it's like not that it's like fine but it could be lies jay-z has a huge penis apparently that's what people say okay interesting interesting yeah what's the z stand for the z and jz's name what does it stand for I don't have to answer that yeah I don't know

I don't have to answer this it's not a thing I don't have anywhere to go with that no I'm saying like does it actually stand for something uh yeah I don't know I think it just sounds cool

I don't know no it's from the jz line in Brooklyn it's the train that separates uh Bushwick and Bed-Stuy oh the z train the j and the z is there a z train there's a jz train that's what it's called it that separates Bushwick and Bed-Stuy. Oh, the Z train. The J and the Z? Is there a Z train? There's a JZ train. That's what it's called.

It's called the J and Z train. Mr. New York over here. Listen, I lived in New York for nine months and it scared me a lot, so I left. I don't want to put on ears, but I drank my way through New York for nine months. I hate Jay-Z, dude. Yeah, Jay-Z sucks.

I hate him, dude. I don't hate him. I listen to his music here and there. The blueprint and stuff is cool. It's just like if he's just a corporation, he's just so happy about being a corporation, like a one-man corporation. He used to do cool shit like release albums the day 9-11 happened.

Is that a thing? Yeah, Blueprint came out the day 9-11 happened. But he didn't know 9-11 was happening did he did he did i mean he's represented by his jewish agent you blow my mind right now yeah wow oh is that what the j and jz stands for jc yeah it's jq yeah very good yeah very good world war z there we go very Very good. I'm killing it. Well, that's what, Ben, you set us up. You go, what does the Z stand for?

No, I was legitimately curious. Yeah, but I'm like, there's no funny answer with the beginning Z. I just wanted to know something. This is not about knowing. This is about making racist and sexist jokes. We make evil jokes here. Oh, sure. We do hate crimes here.

Yeah, that's what we do here. We talk about guys that crawl inside balloons and jack off. And somehow it gets back to race. Somehow. Every week. Every week. That's the through line. But Shaq does apparently not have a

great can i can i say also like as a big person like if you're big you you kind of get discredited for the size of your penis it's not fair yeah it's not i did not know i had a large penis until i started having sex with women it's not fair it's proportional to the rest of my body yeah no yeah jace is fucking he's got a chevy equinox down there i got a four-door sedan crazy you gotta put the seats in the back down you go eight people there no one eight people are riding this thing i can't tell you i literally did not know i had a large piece until i started having sex with women and then they would say it and i in my head i'd be like all right shut the fuck up like i would get pissed at them yeah because i'm like all right

just thinking they're flattering you no that i thought they were like lying you know like that's what you tell every guy type of thing yeah yeah anyway apparently my dick's big i mean we've all had women say it yeah people say my dick's big too i don't it's not people tell me i've seen it in the mirror it's like good people tell me my dick is bigger than Devin Costa's. Do they say that exactly? Yeah, they take it in their hands. And they hold it like a bird they're trying not to kill but not fly away. God, he walks so retarded.

And his shirts stink. Why do you think I walk with a hunch? It's because my dick is so big. That's why your dick looks so big because your vertebrae is stuck on the outside. The back of your skin. Ben's dick is huge, but he dresses like he's in an imaginary bowler's glove. How dare you? My wife bought me this shirt.

It's great. It'll make you look like you work for the Trump campaign. Very good. There is this guy that got hired by the Biden campaign and everybody's mad about it because he just looks like a hipster. Oh, because he looks like a social justice warrior? Yeah, it's about it because he just looks like a hipster. Oh, because he looks like a social justice warrior? Yeah.

It's some guy. He just looks like the guy that got stabbed in Brooklyn. He looks like he was just stabbed to death in Crown Heights. Yeah, that guy. And his Marxist girlfriend just watched the life leave his eyes and then started to go fund me immediately. She's running up to the security cam like, so my only fan. That video is insane.

I didn't see it. It cuts after he gets stabbed, unfortunately. It made me really... You know what's weird about that? And it's a reporter who defended violent cities online all the time. He's a Brooklyn activist. I guess. I guess.

I don't really know, but he's an actor. I mean, he's the type of guy that would hate us. Sure. So fuck him! Once again, the left was owned. The left was owned that day. Well, when you watch the video, you do see him, he just keeps shoving him off.

And I remember watching the video and I'm like, run! Run away! Or at least try to fight. But it's weird because he walks up the sidewalk and you see the crazy guy going crazy on somebody else. But they're doing this classic white people in New York thing where they're like liberal white people in New York thing

where they're like, no, no, that's not. He's having his own time and it's not. And then it affects him. And then the guy just keeps pushing him off. And you could almost see him reciting, like, in this house we respect. Black lives matter. And then the guy just keeps pushing him off. And you could almost see him reciting, like, in this house, we respect Black Lives Matter. Trying to hit him with the sign.

Women's rights are all rights and are human rights. It's really sick. He pushes him down on the ground. He's giving him the vaccine. He pulls the vaccine out like it's a switchblade. Starts waving it. But the girlfriend, dude. Yeah.

I feel horrible about the guy. Oh, yeah. It's sad. If you're politicizing it, you're retarded, obviously. I don't want to be one of these people on Twitter that's making it a big thing. It's like a dead man on the street and everyone's like reposting the image and acting like, yeah, this is, you know. By the way, I have a podcast. Check me out.

Like, it's sick. Yeah. But it was bizarre footage. Because I read about it before the footage came out and i i texted connor who used to live in crown heights because it said guy dies and stabbed death in crown heights and i was like is this crown heights like i i showed him the location he was like no that's like bed style and i was like all right and then interesting interesting and uh then you find out it's on like you know it's on you know bobby schmurda avenue or whatever

and you're like well that's interesting right yeah dr umar way but it's it's uh that is crazy that is crazy if you're politicizing it you're mentally retarded yeah yeah because i saw like those ian miles john guys being like well i guess this proves the woke up gucks and it's like well you just you scrolled past nine school shootings to like find this article yeah pretty much every time there's a trans school shooted like see and it's like three trans shooters and like the rest are your guys oh i i've i've made a drawing about it once but it's my favorite when there is a new graphic shooting and everybody's like collectively like at the start of a race because they haven't released like what

he looks like. Yeah. Or the gender or anything like that. There was the one the trans shooting that happened that was very popular of the school. Uvalde. Uvalde. Uvalde. I think Nashville was trans too. Yeah Nashville was trans. Maybe they are all trans people actually. You're right. We might live in a liberal class. Nashville was trans

Uvalde he just looked like shit. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. There's so many false starts with the people. Yeah. What happened with the Uvalde one was they released the picture of the person, and then people were not sure if they were trans or not. We couldn't tell.

So people were debating. Yeah. They were having a phrenology argument about it. But I liked it, because it was like a choose-your-own-adventure kind of school shooting. Yeah. Waste your life however you want to waste your entire existence arguing about something online like a fucking retard we don't know what the white guy said to the black guy to make him stab him we don't know he could he could ask him if he voted for joe biden or not

yeah he probably was shoving him off and he kept saying like, I would vote for Obama for a third term. It's really, no, the footage like it kind of made me nauseous. And then when I saw the Twitter discourse, I was like, man, this is so fucked up. Yeah, to see everybody ready to hate each other. Just because he was,

him and his girlfriend were these types of people that would have hated me on a comedy show or would have hated a podcast. I'm not... It was horrific. It's horrific footage. I just scroll past all that stuff now. I think I've muted everybody except like 12 people I follow.

Well, I've watched it 15 times. But it makes me sick. I scroll past it all the time and it makes me sick, but I've watched it a lot. I've studied it and I'm doing like... I've airdropped it onto my TV so I can watch it. I feel like Lou Holtz watching it. I'm like like, I've, I've, I've, I've air dropped it onto my TV. So I can watch it.

I feel like Lou Holtz watching it. I'm like, well, what you see here is, you see, he tries to be liberal and woke. He's a woke cuck. And he tries to shove him off like a woke cuck.

But the bad guy keeps coming. I'll tell you. That is what happens when they stop filming that show. Is Lou Holtz just going, I tell you, they need to run your football. And why don't we have any white safeties anymore?

And white New Yorkers are goddamn liberal. I got a note today, Mr. White. We let one Hawaiian guy play. He got cucked by an imaginary gay guy. The New Yorkers occasionally black guy dressed as Batman is going to shoot up subway.

So what you want to do here is you want to play cup of tea? It's your goddamn choice. I just see things as like a chum. That's kind of what I see now. I'm like, oh, chum. I'm like, I see like the migrant thing in New York and it floods. And I go, oh, right wing podcasters are going to have a field day with that noah's ark they prayed away you know god and then it washes them away the migrant thing i mean it's just you know yeah we should have stricter laws but we don't so it's happening

but how do you think like in new york was You know? They let everyone through Ellis Island. They were fucking, they were like, oh, this is a godfather song, you know? They were, like, kicking their legs. Mm-hmm. And they came over, like, fucking. They came over, goddammit. How did these people think the Italians got here? And fucking, you know. I don't know how they got here, actually.

Migration. By a little tiny car. They go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha go New York was built by fat Italian guys going yeah how do you think fucking De Niro killed the the kingpin he had to use a fucking immigrant he was in a migrant

van you're right yeah you're right you know it makes sense though without them coming I mean who would like stir sauce for a sauce for, like, nine hours? Yeah. You know? And there's not even Italians left in New York. Every time I'm there, I'm like, where the fuck are you, people?

The food here stinks. Yeah. It sucks. If you like Chinese food, it's good. Yeah, it's good. You gotta go to Flushing or whatever. What's that? I don't know.

It's some stupid bar in New York. Do you call it? Yeah. It's named after what happens. It's named after a toilet. Toilet. Yeah. That's what New York, yeah. are in new york do you call it it's named after what's named after a toilet toilet yeah that's what new york yeah everything in new york is named after like the sewage system plunger new york the most the most violent part of new york i think is called brownsville is the name of it they

literally yeah yeah i was always i was warned to not go to brownsville in New York. It's really bad. Yeah. It's really bad. Sounds awful. Yeah. Not for me. Not for me. Not for me. Yeah, you know, New York's an interesting place. By the way, speaking of New York, a little update.

Anthony Kamiya is going to live, actually. Oh, I know. Yeah, he went in preemptively, I think, for like hearts or- Well, Gavin went on the show saying that he was dying and it's not looking good, but it was like a joke. Yeah. The fact that Anthony and Matt Chrisman were in the hospital at the same time, it really proves... Both sides. The universe is perfectly balanced.

And we want both of those people to live. We don't want them to die. I like both of those people. Dude, the fucking... That guy. He's the choppa guy right yeah matt chrisman the the discourse online the it's we live in such a sick fucking era where if i'm him i wake up and if i check twitter i go i wish i died this is i mean what yeah the

people wishing death on him because of things like offhanded comments he said on his podcast that he didn't really like me. Like he's jokes, jokes or just just, you know, yeah, fan political points. But he's you're saying stuff you don't mean really. Maybe you do mean it, but it doesn't mean anything. It's not you don't you don't want people to die. And then everybody is wishing is laughing at you with a stroke it's yeah i guess i'm kind of a hypocrite though because i do agree with you but then every time i see like a cop getting his shit kicked in i'm like hell yes and i play that video over and over like i'll watch a cop get his like ass beat

real bad by somebody yeah yeah but that's different that's not a person you know you know yeah but the cop that's the same as watching a person you know you know yeah but the cop that's the same as like watching a live leak video of a guy in a tournament his head chopped off by a falling exactly pane of glass it's not real a cop versus a podcaster yeah the podcaster just said bullshit yeah yeah and he's like then turns it off it's like it's meaningless a cop is you know yeah he probably has like you know bashed a couple fucking i just love brown guy's face i love seeing a cop i especially love seeing female cops get punched in the face that really makes me happy they should make a roundhouse kicked there should be no women cops that's insane

they gotta outlaw women it is it is a hard argument to make every time you see one of those live leak videos yeah they suck ass this is a really funny video you gotta have small enough tits by the way to be a female cop you can't have these or up you gotta have caesars yeah but they still got those big fucking birthing hips they never run fast their belts are like their bras it's very strange yeah there's a very funny uh video of a female bounty hunters um online where they were like filming them they have like a youtube channel and they're female bounty hunters and they're like they're like okay we're good they look like horse like they fuck horses those type of white women they have hair

that looks like it's been microwaved they put a do-rag on the horse and they fulfill their fantasy and they're like okay the suspect is inside the uh long john silver so we're gonna get him now and it's like these two women's like you know with pepper spray and like you know fucking And they're like, okay, the suspect is inside the Long John Silver, so we're going to get him now. And it's like these two women with pepper spray and fucking electroshock things, tasers. Yeah. And they run in and they're like, you're under arrest for skipping bail. And you just see him just throw her to the, just smoosh her head into a table and kick the other one. See, that's awesome. Yeah.

I start cheering. I do a standing o at my computer desk yeah standing up all around yeah it rules yeah but that's not a real person that person exists for me to laugh at them in a video yeah sure and then i click exit and then they don't exist anymore but i will see i'll see like a video of like a female cop getting run over and i'll smile yeah nice yeah i saw the video nod Nice. Yeah. I saw the video. And I'll nod and a thumbs up. I saw the video of Rick Ross running over that guy.

And I'm like, LOL. X. Anyway, none of these people exist. You mean Suge Knight? Suge Knight. Yeah. Excuse me.

Oh, boy. The other bald black guy. I did it again. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Well,

patreon.com slash live and party what are you slapping my knee for we're having a fun time we need a funny way to end we need to hurry so we can make the

I go you don't mean Rick Ross you mean Suge Knight at at hate watch pod yeah

Jace at sad drawings by Jace we do live streams on the live and party clips channel every Wednesday 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. You guys want to go to Chili's? No. No, not at all.

No. We're never going again. I saw a video of somebody at Chili's, and there's maggots under their wings. Really? On Twitter? Yeah, it was on Twitter. Maggots. Little tiny maggots.

Should I look it up real quick? It might have been Applebee's, but I was just trying to stray you away from Chili's. You're fucking lying to me. They're the same place, man. Don't show me maggots before we're going to go eat. They're the same place. Yeah, I kind of don't want to see maggots before either. No. But they lifted up

their wing and there was a bunch of maggots under it. The headline was like, yo, they get in a lawsuit. And then they're lifting up their broccoli on Twitter. And there's just tiny little maggots all over their plate. They probably put that on the menu at Chili's. You can order maggots now. Yeah, probably.

Yeah, because we're letting all these migrants in. They're making demands on the menu, folks. Well, I guess that's the end of the episode i don't know if this is the patreon this is you have we're gonna get you coaching to learn how to hit the stop record button once you wrap up the podcast okay fair enough it's always chilies you go you i love you finish wrapping up the podcast you go you ever think about guatemalan people and their toes like what just press the button you you're your own warden right now you're punishing yourself yeah i'm holding myself hostage exactly yeah all right bye Kjell Kjell Thank you.