lemonparty - 051: The West Bank

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

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I'm on the light wheel Always in my face Talking, listening Girl, I had the best of wheels But it can't be I'm loving life JK living How are you? How was last night? I'm good, yeah It was more

I mean, we could talk about the pot if you want But it was more Yeah, it was more funny stuff It wasn't like big I hate life Panic attack It was like It sounds silly but because i'm not um i'm working with that therapist to not binge eat and i haven't binged eight in like a month and i've started having really bad panic attacks because of that do you think you're just not even

you're not eating enough no i think it's i think the only thing keeping me sane was chicken wings for a long time and now that that's gone um the kind of the mask is melting yeah yeah you can't just eat chicken and broccoli for too long you'll lose your mind yeah you will lose your mind you gotta put some mango habanero on that ben is showing off our hats we bought these the day before the wander franco news dropped yeah we got um there was a person who uh was at we'll say they were at the tampa bays game wonder frank if you don't know he's a uh dominican man dominican republic who was dating a 14 year old yeah all-star baseball player and the day before he was kicked out of the mlb for dating a 14 year old they had a hat giveaway for 14 and under fans. Yeah.

Age 14 and under. And that guy sent us a bunch of the pedophile hat. Well, I got mine in court. The judge, the judge was handing them out. You were at the game pretending to be a little boy. Yes. You were trying to fuck Wander Frank. Oh, I wanted to be brought back to his his mansion favela or whatever.

You had a big lollipop holding a frog and you go, Mr. Franco, let me marry your god sister. So is he finished? He's out of the league? I just read an article today that he's probably never to return to the MLB. Shocking. Just signed a huge contract

with the Dominican League. The Dominican Winter League. R.I.i.p well he lives on forever on these hats look at it look at him on the side what a swing number five these hats are gonna i mean imagine we're gonna one day we'll know there's like uh it'll be like a war of invisible children in africa and they're all they'll all be wearing wander franco hats yeah they have like ak-47s and machetes. They'll be filtering their water with them.

You're wearing the same hat as Idi Amin one day. There's a warehouse. It probably feels like you're before an ocean of these hats. Yeah. I mean, literally, when they made, they thought World War II was going to go on another 12 or 15 years. They made like 75 million Mosin Nagants that are all still sitting in Cosmoline, which is a Russian sniper rifle. All these things, they still haven't sold all of them.

And that's going to be, Wander Franco, you can buy them like 400 years from now. Oh, yeah. There's a guy in the Teamsters Union behind a bulldozer right now pushing pedophile hats. He's like smoking a big cigar. He's like, got to get these kid rapist hats, Eddie. Yeah. Aaron Hernandez jerseys. He's like, we call them poor people sleeping bags.

Dude, we have to buy three Aaron Hernandez jerseys. I'm in. And wear those on the podcast. And wear the Wanda Franco hats. I bet they're expensive on eBay. I bet they're like relics to people. They probably are.

He was a hell of a player, I'll tell you. I told you. He had a hell of an arm. I told you my friend Andrew just sent me a picture. He was at BBW watching Buffalo,

sorry, he was at Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, okay. He wasn't at the- Is this a restaurant where you fuck big boned women? Chase watches so much porn.

It's insane how much porn you watch the man loves to get listen i love a good goon i love to i love to just be naked in my wander franco hat and goon um yeah no my friend was that my... The guy masturbating in a flat bill, completely naked, but wearing a flat bill. Yeah, and a vape. I'm jacking off. I have a vape, and I hit the vape.

I go... And then I start... I jack off with the same hand, so my vape is against my dick. You wear a tuxedo shirt, no pants. Wander Franco hat. Yeah, like Winnie the Pooh. So my friend was getting chicken wings

at the Big Beautiful Women restaurant. He was at Buffalo Wild Wings, BWW. Got you, yeah. Love that place. I meant to say. I was thinking the other day. I was like, man, they do a hell of a job. Unbelievable happy hour they got there.

Unbelievable. Those types of places you can get Hennessy for like $5. I know. It's really amazing. You can get like a Tallboy a beer for like $1. Yeah, it's like a 50 soda fountain yeah bww and some of the worst employees I've ever seen at an establishment but they're doing the best job they can possibly do and I always appreciate that yes they'll like roll the beer at you they'll just go like

and you gotta like you gotta catch it with your foot they ask you how long you want your food microwave they go they go the chef would like to meet you and they wheel out a microwave on a yeah on a fucking tray they don't go like rare medium rare well they go like two minutes three minutes four popcorn setting i recommend uh i recommend popcorn setting americans should have a hibachi style grill where there's just a microwave in the middle of a table and a guy comes out and he does all these tricks with his fingers and then you just push start yeah and everybody everybody's like three feet from it just staring into a korean barbecue but with hot pockets yeah yeah these bring cold hot

that actually might be a hit like how tv dinners kind of came back if micro like if i think people could dine out like to eat it like a ham and cheese hot pocket you would need a round door for that restaurant you need a hobbit door yeah with the doorknob in the middle um what were you saying about buffalo wild wings my friend was at buffalo wild wings and he was watching like an la rams game at 11 in the morning and he looks over and he sees big fat mexican dude in an aaron hernandez patriots jersey that kicks ass and i made him i was like if you don't take a picture of him i'm going to kick your ass right now and i made he took a picture from far away i was like closer and he like got like 55 the guy took i could have got andrew just stabbed to death

in glendale in the glendale buffalo wild wings yeah it would have been worth it i wonder what the thinking is there wearing that where you're just like i don't think he did do it yeah i mean there's there's so many there's a truther with every movement right that's true he also definitely doesn't know that aaron hernandez was gay because he would never wear that jersey that is true that he's he would be more upset about that than killing three friends of his. Now, I remember. Do you remember the Aaron Hernandez documentary came out on Netflix, and I saw just a bunch of Mexican and black dudes on Twitter being like, he was gay?

The fuck? They're like murdering your friends, like the cartel. Yeah. Was he really gay, or was he just on a ton of drugs? That's what I never understand with those guys. Are they just smoking so much crack they just fuck any hole that is presented to them? I think he was overcompensating.

I think he was so gay. He's like, what is the opposite of gay guys? It's like dudes that kill people and shit. So he was killing people to be like, I'm not gay, and he was blowing somebody's head off. But did he kill someone he fucked? I forget the ins and outs of it, but I think there was something like that. Like one of them, they might have had like a little thing.

He's also like he was with kind of like an ugly woman, which is interesting for a guy like that. Interesting. Interesting. Was she like 12, though? No, she wasn't. He wasn't even a pedophile. That's what sucks about it. Yeah.

So it was an of age woman who was not good looking. Who was not good looking. It kind of sucks he wasn't a pedophile. Yeah, he sounds like he might have been gay. It sucks he wasn't because we could have killed three birds with one stone. We could have, yeah. You know, we got rid of a murderer, pedophile, and a gay guy. The holy trinity.

A murderer, a gay guy, and a pedophile. That's what I call a call it turkey yeah it's like three strikes in bowling yeah just like this like like fucking roided up andrew cunanan on the field yeah you know quarence thomas would be like yes fuck yes uh we got him i uh i was watching uh uh the dodgers lose terribly again yesterday. And the Buffalo Wild Wings commercials came on, and I was like, oh, man, they do a great job over there. I said that to myself. I was like, oh, man.

I'm like Devin where I'm embracing just loving a good corporation. They do do a great job over there. They do a great, a love how they all the employees we have to wear jerseys they have to wear a giant heavy hot jersey it's like hooters for fat people yeah yeah yeah i appreciate things that don't have a secondary color as well like their primary color is just yellow yellow yeah and like obviously black is the default but whatever i just like it. It's just really simple over there. I love any place like that. I love a place where if you look at the menu hard enough, you're like, is that just a plate of ketchup for $7? Yes, it is.

Yeah. It's our most popular item. And this is limited time. One thing I appreciate about Buffalo Wild Wings is I've enjoyed certain flavors all the way back to 9-11 and they still have them to this very day. They don't get rid of them. They don't move stuff in and then shuffle it out. Wow. They're always doing it. Because they don't want to piss off people.

What is that flavor? Caribbean jerk. I'm a Caribbean jerk guy. Really? I don't know if you guys knew that about me. Interesting. I feel like that's like a risk a lot of the time. You think so? More of a mango habanero or classic buffalo. He said habanero. Habanero.

That's how I order it. That is so Italian. And I go, can I get Caribbean Jack? Habanero. Yeah, you're the white woman at the taco truck. Let me get a jeje and a himi hanga. Thank you so much. Can me get a jeje dia and a jimmy hunger. Thank you so much. Can I get a

or you gotta? My dad used to like do that with like he'd have like Mexican workers to like work on something and he doesn't really

speak any Spanish but he thinks like if he speaks broken English it gets it across the same. I've seen white people do that a lot.

They go like if you can he like does the accent to be like Jose but if you can fix the door that will be

great and you're like they either way they don't speak English it's not like they're like oh I got it now. He's Hispanic, not deaf. Yes. You have to go louder. Very insulting.

Very insulting. You know what's funny? Either we're going to talk about Buffalo Wild Wings for an hour and a half, or we're just going to talk about Israel-Palestine. Those are our two options. I hear. Those are our two options. Things are getting testy over there. No, there's a lot of hullabaloo going on.

They bombed the Buffalo Wild Wings in Israel. That's when you know Hamas has gone too far. Yeah, it was rave night. Yeah, no, it's really bad. That all is bad. People are really upset, I tell you. I don't even know what's true, though, online, once again. You know?

Everyone on, you know, there's all these, like, Ian Miles Chong. He's just back to his old ways. Dude, I figured he's not from America. He's from Malaysia. He lives in Malaysia. Oh, what a piece of shit. He tweets about immigrants all day. Ugh.

Yuck. Yeah. But, yeah, he's just posted lies like immediately like community notes is like this is a lie there's not these aren't like babies and like the the best was the amount of people who tweeted like this is this i can't believe hamas would do this they're putting babies in cages and then the community note would be these are actually uh palestinian children who were putting cages by israelis yeah he's like do, can you believe this? Like, Israel is,

they're making Mr. Krabs live in a burger shack under the sea. I was trying to get to the bottom why everybody's so mad over there. In this holy war. It's the damn heat. It's the damn heat. It's their goddamn dollar and It's the damn heat. It's their goddamn heat.

It's their goddamn dollar. It ain't worth a shit now. Oliver Anthony wearing a yarmulke. It's all the damn, the Palestinians eat fudge rounds. They eat fudge rounds. No, but I found out they're all mad. They're all fighting over this thing

called the West Bank. No wonder the Jews have their panties in a wad. Oh! Oh, home run! Unbelievable. The one bank they don't own. The one bank they're trying to get their mitts on.

Let me tell you, folks. Let me tell you. That's the funniest racist thing i've ever heard that is unbelievable dude it's like you're writing for the concept of racism i'm the head writer of the mike huckabee show yeah dude if you ran the mike huckabee show that show would crush that show would do numbers oh i would love a gary shandling style show but about the mike huckabee show. That would rule so hard.

You would have Mike doing like Chris Rock level bits, walking around the stage, and then have his fat sons do mukbangs at the end of the show. I'm like, all right, first things fucking last. We got to involve your fat two retarded boys in the show somehow. I need them to be like your quest love. I'm like, they can't play instruments? Doesn't matter.

Put them out there. They're just in the corner, like on the kazoo. Yeah. Doing the armpit. Doing the armpit. Yeah. Trying to play harmonica, but they keep swallowing them. Like, God damn it.

He ate the saxophone. He thought it was a Kit Kat again. Keeps punching holes in the drum. Oh, man. I could turn the Huckabee show around, though, though let me tell you especially right now at times like this i mean times are right it is funny by the way everybody that uh like the strike's finally over and everybody can go back to writing on their uh like uh topical comedy shows and like the day they come back it's just it's all Israel-Palestine. Like, I thought it was going to be, like, Cheeto-Trump-ka-fee-fee bullshit. So it's very funny because it's Jimmy Kimmel.

I used to come out and be like, I pledge 100% allegiance to Israel. I will kill any Muslim. Fuck. And everyone's like, I'm so happy comedy's back. Comedy's back. Comedy's back. Jimmy Kimmel's crying. Jimmy Kimmel's crying.

We all support Israel 1,000%. Sir. Dude, that is the funniest thing to me. Across the board, every U.S. politician, either side, every entertainer.

Dude, the Dallas Mavericks were tweeting, we support Israel. Everyone. Every single major sports team had to tweet. It's because they're like little, they're mini America.

Yeah. Right? Who? Israel. Yeah. We like half the, that's like, it's just what it is i think over overseas like people go oh usa is big devil israel's little devil sure that's

what they say in like broken english that's what they say it's like learn to fucking speak the language they say say through a mouthful of goat yeah they're fucking sorry sorry but no dude we've literally dude we've literally given given Israel $4 billion a year since my grandpa was eight years old. Since 1949. Yeah. We've given universally given Israel $4 billion. And it still didn't help their defense. They fucking still got destroyed by these guys on fucking flying carpets with ceiling fans attached to them.

Well, they kept turning them into big Scrooge McDuck bank vaults that they could swim around. That was the funny thing. Hamas was doing jackass level terrorism. It was pretty cool. When I initially saw the footage, I'm like, yeah, is that Knoxville? Yeah, Lance Bangs is shooting it. Hamas is riding a big rocket

over the dome. Yeah, I don't know. I think they let it happen on purpose so they could just decimate it much like larry silverstein yeah it's not i see a real 911 they did another 911 yeah that was my favorite thing was i did see some white dumb bitch tweet like uh um realizing um this uh happened like watching this happening makes me realize if 911 happened again you all would be defending the middle east and it's like yeah you know the thing like we didn't and then we we killed a million people in the 900 000 shoulders like killed themselves yeah you know yeah from 9-11

no you're going like like fox news and all these people on twitter and shit they're all just like we're gonna turn that place into a fucking parking lot yeah uh people always have to correct what everyone's saying because they go oh are you advocating for genocide and then like they don't respond to that yeah like we need to eradicate them out the face of the earth and someone goes so you want to genocide a group of people and then like yeah and they go you're not understanding they're not people yeah they're holding up they're holding up a palestinian baby They're like we found him He did it By the neck like he's a raccoon

Like a dog visiting Putin I wish I were knocking off Enough with the dead babies on my feed It's horrific They hold them up like they're trophy fish I don't want to see the dead Palestinian babies I want to look at memes I know I'm trying to to see the dead Palestinian babies. I want to look at memes. I know.

Goddamn it. I'm trying to look for the memes Elon is sharing. Jordan Peterson's lost his way. He's not even angry at trans people anymore. I know. Jordan's in Israel in a full knight's uniform. He thinks it's the Crusades. He's got a big sword he's getting shot at by Israel and Palestine at the same time.

He's in just a hail of bullets. got a big sword he's getting shot at by by israel and palestine at the same time every five minutes on twitter he's going insane i didn't even know he cared this much if you you do care that much, go fight. I'm dead serious. Like Ben Shapiro, all these people, go fight. Go use Abby Shapiro as a meat shield, you fucking little runt. Go use that big tittied witch as a fucking meat shield. Use her as a flotation device to go through the Mediterranean Sea like a round and then come in to Gaza and do whatever. Yeah. No, it's really fucked up. And I think they're just going to dec do whatever. Oh. Yeah. No, it's really fucked up. And I think they're just going to decimate the whole place.

Yeah. They let it happen on purpose so they could decimate it. Because I don't believe that they just, it was Israel didn't know. Israel was. You didn't? There was reports Israel was warned that something like huge was coming. There we go. And they're like, well, I think something huge will come right back.

We call this Operation Boomerang. Are we allowed to say all this, by the way? No, that's what I was thinking. I mean, today's episode, we didn't even know this happened, and I was like, well, it's a weird day for that episode to come out. Let's talk about Taylor Swift then, so then people just get mad about that. Yeah, sure.

Let's talk about Taylor Swift. That's fucking Jew. You know what's funny? I'm more nervous about us talking about taylor swift than shitting on israel yeah yeah i don't know you know what's funny i did some israel drawings and i post them and i took women party out of my instagram bio just because i assume just like just gnats like jewish gnats we're gonna just destroy like locusts just destroy everything i believe in because i i dare shit on you know yeah like the concept of and i'm not even like i'm not even taking a side i'm just like so against like how are we supporting the military industrial complex that's just what we do they they get they they sucker everybody back into it. Yeah, and shame on everybody

that acts like you shouldn't have an opinion on this. You should absolutely have an opinion on it. Yeah. I have an opinion on dead kids. I have an opinion on it. I have an opinion on fucking, yeah. There's nothing to say. There's plenty to say. It's both bad. I look at it and go,

that sucks for everybody. Just stop. Somebody commented, do you think this is the time or place? And I go, no, but I want to do it because it's fun for me. Also might not have been the time or place to have a big fun rave right next to a wall where people are starving to death. That was funny that people on Ecstasy got killed by big rocks hitting their forehead, caving their head in. I will say it seems, I think moving moving forward this is a good way to know if something's uh not real or wrong is if uh every single institution stands behind that thing and creates a hashtag

it's retarded almost every time it's like 99 of the. If 430 congressmen support a thing happening, that means it's like the devil. Yeah. It's the worst thing that could ever happen. If the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are sending out support, you're like, all right, well, this is retarded. It's retarded. The Clippers just hired a rapist and they're like, we support Israel. The Clippers just hired a guy who showed his wiener to like eight staff members. Really?

He did it and then they hired him after? Yeah, I think I mentioned it on the podcast. Well, they're the Clippers. They got to take what they can get. They couldn't sign any other place. They couldn't get anybody else to do the job. They didn't want him. No.

I mean, I used to go sit court side of Clippers games because, you know, you order like a happy meal as a kid and they just give you floor seats. Clippers games. They go right this way. Just come right in. It's like a petting zoo. Just come right through the drive-thru and pull in. In Clippers games kid and they just give you floor seats. Clippers games. They go right this way. Just come right in. It's like a petting. Just come right through the drive-thru and pull in. Clippers games, you could just walk onto the court.

You could just like touch Kawhi Leonard. Nobody cares. If you give them 30 bucks, you get to shoot a three-pointer in the game. Dude, the Jack Nicholson of Clippers game is just a homeless guy who just waves a newspaper. That's how much they suck ass is that their Jack Nicholson is Billy Crystal. Oof. Yeah. Doing jazzson is Billy Crystal. Oof. Yeah, doing jazz hands in the corner. Oof.

Horrific. So what's the whole deal? So Blake Griffin was so bad at basketball, they made him do stand-up comedy? Yeah. He was so bad at basketball. No, he wasn't bad at basketball, but yeah. He was good, actually.

He was fine. He was fine, but anyone that wants to go to the comedy store and put their name in a bucket should be killed, so fuck him. Right. Blake Griffin, the day he signed up for ucb they're like we're shipping your ass to detroit get the hell out of here yeah yeah what was this whole deal he used to go and like kill tony all the time or something he used to go to the comic store on tuesday night it's a roast battle and like try and like host and stuff he tried to he tried to maneuver his way into one of jack's uh shows and jack was like you'll you'll I'll put you up when everyone else has been up.

Like he like hated Jack for that. Didn't get in a fight with him because he want to put him up at the store one night. I'm not sure. I don't know. I was that was Jack. I think I was. Yeah. He got like he got kind of like angry at Jack.

But Keith was the one who told him because he was telling me that. OK. Keith was like Jack's henchman for a while. So that makes sense. That rules that they just told him he can't go out yeah and that what i because they're also though they're like you light-skinned bitch oh i didn't know he was black i thought he was a white guy man come on what time with you what he looks like a white guy not fully there's no way he looks fully like a white guy did Did you think he was related to Peter Griffin? Is that what you thought? He doesn't look white.

Yeah, what? Does he look black? If you sent him to 1940... Come on, don't be squinting at me like that. That's a little crazy. No, come on. I mean, yes, he's... You've never seen, like, a black guy that fucked, like, a redhead?

And the baby? I mean, not not personally not in my close social circle i know you well you have him in a cage downstairs right now and you fucking you watch him and study them but no come on he has slightly you know nappy hair he's huge you can dunk do we know anything he plays in the nba that should be your first clue and he could like he jumped over a fucking car. He looks like the IDF's strongest soldier. He does a little bit.

He looks like he could be in the IDF. He could be Jewish for all you guys know. Yeah. Do we really know? I mean, people are always lying about stuff nowadays anyway. We don't. You're right. I don't know.

This is like one of those topics where I'm like, let's get back to Israel-Palestine. Yeah. It was fun yeah i was do an impression of a dead kid go all right i was i literally in my head i was like in my head for a second i was like okay thank god we're back to shitting out black people thank thank the lord i actually don't know what we can say on YouTube by the way I actually don't know it is true we don't know whatever I'm not going to self censor anymore I have a little girl on the way I just have to fight for what's right

so she can live in a just world that's so funny has anyone ever said that that way I have a little girl on the way I have to say it yeah what logic I can no longer self cens. I got a baby girl on the way. God damn it. Listen, I don't like these words, but I got a mouth to feed. Damn it.

Damn it. I got a little girl. You should become one of those guys. That's my baby girl. I justify all my worst behavior. Mm-hmm. Be one of those guys. I have a baby girl. Are you going to be one of those guys girl when you are you gonna be one

of those guys that like anything that happens in the news when because you have a daughter you're gonna be like imagine that being your fucking daughter dude yeah you're like right okay yeah imagine my daughter held up a bank and got shot yeah like imagine it yeah imagine your daughter like puts on a diaper and drives to florida to kill her ex she was an astronaut you're really proud of her for going to space yeah you should become one of those guys you're probably right you should become that guy who escalates situations unnecessarily on behalf of his daughter but actually makes it worse like you're at the park and a guy's just kind of close to you and you like pull out a fucking thing of mace and spray him.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You become like one of those like a like kind of like how like rappers, even white or black, where they just get it's all about the like my daughter. Mm hmm. Like I'm doing this for my daughter. My daughter. My daughter.

Yeah. I got it. I'm smoking seven blends. I got a daughter on the way. I got a daughter. You start playing like like how rap albums, too. There's always like a voicemail from their like stupid kid yeah ben's gonna turn into drake where the new cover art's like his daughter's drawing yeah like

for all the beginning of every episode no more intro just some shitty voicemail from your kid that doesn't make any sense yeah and you're gonna do that classic rap thing where you're like, dog, once I had a daughter, I realized, like, date rape is wrong and shit. Yeah, exactly. You go to Jon Bernthal's show, you pull up in some fucking giant truck. In this hat, specifically. I have face tattoos.

You guys talk about smoking meat for five minutes and then how you realize rape's bad. You talk about smoking meat and then John Bernthal he's like so like um you like rape people and shit you're like that's right John Bernthal I was like I was like raping motherfuckers out there

and John Bernthal's just looking at you like right right yeah right yeah yeah and he's like he's like he's like, yeah, precipitously. Yes. Yes. They just say words. They don't really know what they mean. Automatopoeia.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What was that movie he was in where he was like the guy all cops love? What's it called again? Oh, he was in- He's like the hero of every guy who wants to like- We Run the Night? That TV show?

No, it's like the one with the skull. Oh, Punisher. Yeah, Punisher. Isn't he the guy in Punisher? Yeah, yeah, Punisher's apparently really good. I haven't seen it, but I know... Me neither, I don't... I know like every cop has that like skull tattooed on their thigh.

Yeah. Isn't that a separate thing with the cops, I think? I don't know. I don't know if those cops have that because they love the show. I think it's another thing. Oh, it's like a gang thing? I think it's a Blue Lives Matter gang-y thing. Yeah, yeah.

Because in the show, in the comic books, apparently he kills cops. Yeah. So they haven't watched it. Yeah, I don't know. But it's just like, this is a skull, and skulls, like faggots don't have skulls. They love skulls, yeah. I like skulls. They're all white.

Underneath the skin, all skulls are white. Think about that. If it's so bad to be white, then why are all white wow you really are the shakespeare of racism incredible you come it honestly blows me away sometimes yeah it really does yeah i mean this wander franco hat is really there's like a magical power yeah this is the like mike uh shoe like these are michael jordan's shoes like the chronicles of narnia like like dresser or the wardrobe or whatever like you go into it you turn into a huge racist yeah it's like mike but it's like kumi you just you put that old floppy baseball hat on yeah yeah not gonna lie i'm checking in on him every day to make sure i'm

calling the hospital i'm like what hours levels how is kumio he is still in the hall he's been in the hospital for almost two weeks i think he like legitimately almost died really yes jesus he played it off like on twitter like it's just uh then why is he still in the hospital like you're not in the hospital for over a week because he hasn't got a minor heart attack he hasn't uh you know he hasn't punched all the black nurses yet. Because he's afraid to take a cab home. Yeah, he's going floor by floor. He's treating the hospital like a sanctuary. It's like fucking Bruce Willis in Die Hard.

He's working his way down every level. Anthony Cummings crawling through the vents to get past the black nurses. Yeah, he's like, take some Lipitor. Get your cholesterol down. Have some laughs. Yeah, that's like his... he's in a hospital in the middle of new york that's like his jaws he's on a boat dude you're right just surrounded by dangerous water yeah yeah man yeah let's pray for him actually that he makes it out we gotta pray for

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to help you have better sex discover your options at bluechew.com chew it and do it and by the way we've got a special deal for our listeners try blue chew free when you use our promo code lemon at checkout just pay five dollars shipping that's bluechew.com promo code lemon to receive your first month free visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast thank you blue thank you blue chew thank you blue chew now back to the show yeah i want to be that's i think my number one goal is to go on john bernthal's show though i love that show it's so interesting it's an amazing show. Yeah. I actually do really.

I was watching an episode where it was like a Marine with his face just hanging off, all fucked up. He's like, bullet through the back of my skull, out my orbital socket. And then Berenthal's just like, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. He goes, I reach up and my cheek's hanging off. I try to push it back in. It falls off. He's like, right, right, right, right, right.

He goes, dangling he goes in that moment john yeah in that moment yeah i thought about my baby girl yeah i thought about my baby girl back home john's like you gotta get back to her dog you gotta get back to her where was he raised was he raised he was raised in washington dc like a he went to a private school in washington dc like a he went to a private school in washington dc yeah but he like fucked people up and was like the crazy child i think and then he got his life together and you know great actor but amazing actor yeah so just taking pills can sort of make you adopt that uh because it's like a wigger a little bit right that's kind of what he's doing no he's going cholo it's like jarhead wigger it's kind of like

it's like when him and laboff met it was like on it was like they both were like it was they were like you me like yeah it was they were so similar yeah dude laboff was like but laboff was like dude when i got out of the bar yo yeah dude laboff thought he was like yeah the streets of like he does he actually does he's he's like like, I'm running a community center in Englewood. Yeah. They all talk. We did this joke at Haywatch, but they all talk like E-40 and shit. From the back.

Yeah. I've seen clips of LaBeouf where he does a workshop for prisoners, former prisoners. And he's just like, you show up on fucking time. I don't care if you got raped at the bus stop we're doing mcbeth yeah and just like to be fair they seem to like yeah it's cool i love shia labeouf i do too he reformed himself i think very talented guy yeah john bertholdt was great too he assaulted his wife and she stayed with him so that's how you know he's a great guy

labeouf he just like grabs her tits like in line at like fucking you know starbucks i know that footage yeah i heard the picture of him walking down the street he just has his hand under her shirt people people tried to tweet like this is the most disgusting thing i've ever seen i was like this is the greatest thing i've ever seen you wish you had a relationship like that yeah you're grabbing your wife's huge tits at arowan you're getting a 17 i'm trying to make sure they're full of milk for my daughter for my daughter john my daughter john that's why john if you find in here's the rules for life number one when you find a woman for your daughter make sure she has big ass titties to feed your daughter it really it's

like they're like monster truck jordan peterson like 12 rules for life but like they drive huge trucks and have like pitbulls yeah yeah shy just always has just a pitbull he's just a whole day yeah he shot a bunch of dogs right he said that yeah i think that's what uh fuck off twigs or whatever what i don't know. FKA twigs. Yeah. That, yeah. Fucking egg twigs. That chemical that he was banging for a while. She said that like when he was getting ready for. Yeah.

What element of the periodic table was she having sex with? Breaking Bad, Walter White. It's like all we do is we add Faka twigs to Bronium. And Jesse, Jesse. Give me Faka twigs. Give me Faka twigs. Jesse. Have you heard Cellophane? It's a great song

Jesse yeah she said like when he was like preparing for that movie that nobody saw like the tax collector

the tax collector yeah me and Jace watched it it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen yeah it's really bad it's beautiful it's beautiful

and he yeah he was in like he was in the barrio he got dude he got cholo tattoos he got real cholo tattoos, yeah. And he shot a dog. He was shooting stray dogs

to prepare what it's like to take... You have to understand what it's like to take somebody's life. That's kind of like when he did Peanut Butter Falcon. If he gave himself a lobotomy, he's like, I need to know what it's like to be retarded. Hit me in the head with this hammer. It makes sense because he was in that movie recently, Padre Pio.

Oh, what is that? Padre. Father. I think it's called Padre Pio. I think is what the name is. It's like a famous guy who was like a Catholic dude. Who are the Catholic guys that just wear brown robes? What is that?

Monks. Yeah, he's one of those guys. Franciscan monks. All those creeps were walking around my school. He's one of those retards. Yeah. And he converted to like Christianity

and Catholicism and stuff. And he's like an advocate for the Catholic Church now. So whatever role he studies, he just becomes that thing. Yeah. Yeah, okay. He's one of those.

Because they don't know who they are. Yeah. That's why they take on the accent, you know. For the movie Fury, he ripped out one of his teeth to play the character.

Yeah, wow. His character wasn't even written as missing a tooth, but he just felt like... his teeth to play the character yeah wow his character wasn't even written as missing a tooth but he just felt like he needed to understand the pain dude he literally showed up like first day i said he like had his tooth pulled out and brad pitt's like you're he's like listen i'm beating my brown children all day you're insane brad brad pitt's like listen i was eating shrimp while being filmed and beating my brown children and you're crazy yeah brad pitt gets home he walks into a wrestling rink and all the brown children have to walk in there with them and then someone rings a big bell and she starts fucking yeah just like the heartbreak kid just

giving like fucking chin music there's like a moment where all the kids like get on him and then he goes yeah he just keeps just keeps hammering him yeah it's like kill bill and the 88 guys dude how powerful would it feel to just beat up like 12 children though like if you were in a ring with like 12 kids and you beat the fuck out of all yeah and really must feel great and really did it without honor even for fighting even for fighting 12 kids if like the people watch were like oh oh god oh like a cage match no rules anything goes biting whatever like a kid fell down and then you like landed knee first on his face and it just caved in yeah the malice at the palace like chucky cheese you grab a kid's head like the mountain and just crush it yeah make it explode sliding punches into a seven-year-old like jermaine o'neal that would be the shit

this is gonna be mr beast's next video this is how he gets peace in the middle east i think is he makes the palestinian children and the idf face off yeah he hands Handed out chocolate. Yeah. He's like, we just handed the IDF 1,000 missiles to save the world. It's a Palestinian kid with his eyes missing. He's going, we just gave Hezbollah access to nuclear weapons.

Yeah. There is already clickbait of people breaking it down. Clickbait of what? Like on YouTube, like independent whatever. Israel versus Palestine? Yeah, there's guys standing in front of the map, and they're like, war has begun. They're pointing at a mushroom cloud like, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, it's kind of like we need, Netanyahu's kind of like the Thanos of the Middle East. He holds all the infinity stones. That is how a lot of like the thanos of the middle east he holds all the infinity stones that is how a lot of people are probably thinking of it yeah damn it yeah dude i saw like a mexican dude the other day with like a like a thanos shirt i just don't even know what's going on anymore it could have been grimace to be fair you could have just been mistaken yeah it could

have been actually he just loves grimace he's like no dog this is like grimace and shit this is grimace yeah this is like ronald mcdonald's like retarded friend grimace his down syndrome friend grimace if you go to like chick-fil-a like there's a it would just wait like wait like 10 minutes and just a family of retarded fat people will walk in they're all wearing marvel shirts yeah you go yeah that's most that's most people they're wearing a shirt that doesn't fit with uh the infinity gauntlet on it a shirt that fit when they put it on that morning and they throughout the day they swell up so much from the sodium they consume, it doesn't fit anymore. Well, really, what are shirts to them but napkins? That's very true.

Yeah. That's true. They treat shirts like they're car hood covers. Yes. For like a classic car. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Shirts to them, they're just nets at the bottom of buildings that catch people that are falling.

But it's just mustard and ketchup and like chicken bones. A guy who, when he's eating at Chick-fil-A, he tapes his shirt to the table so it catches all the food. And it rolls back down. Then it can happen later. It rolls back down onto my plate and I eat it again. I get another try. It's like a roller coaster. It's like bowling with the bumpers up where I can't lose.

I would lose about three-fourths of my food to the floor. And by lose, I mean i would still eat it after but it was covered in hair and shit my shit you're going to chick-fil-a way too much how do you know how much i'm going to always say like everybody you see in public is always a Chick-fil-A. The only time you leave your house is to go to Chick-fil-A, dude. That's not true. Me and Jace just went to In-N-Out before you came over, which is across the street from Chick-fil-A. Okay. Yeah. Hey, well, you know.

It's very funny. I came over a little early, and then we all went to go. I went and bought a driver today. Yeah, me and Jace. Not to brag. I went to help Jace get fitted for a new driver. Since we're filming our third golf match on Thursday. Yeah, we're filming our golf match.

I just did my taxes for 2022. So I got a cool grand back. Oh, okay. I think you got two grand back. I did get two grand. I meant to say two grand. Nice. I got two grand back.

Sick. Sick. So you got the driver driver i need to buy a new driver you get that paul cast money what's that that paul cast money back paul cast isn't that what isn't that what they say the paul cast from who isn't that like a isn't that a clocking in at chang's thing oh is it a paul cast what i don't know i don't know what i don't know i haven't even understood a word you've said what did you say the podcast but they say paul's cat oh because he doesn't speak yeah because he sounds retarded so i'm trying so i'm doing an impression of brendan shob when you think i'm

oh shob cast i thought you were saying no paul the cast he calls brendan shob calls podcast paul casts because he's, you know, because he got like because his mouth doesn't work. Really hit by the truck from dual. Yeah. He got ran over by the Steven Spielberg. Yeah. His last UFC match where he fought a big truck.

Yeah. Very good. Yeah. He fought a word in his last UFC match. It's very rare for me to not be able to translate for you. No, I know. I'm losing my edge. Well, yeah, I'll stay away from the Shaub.

Yeah, the Shaub. Yeah. He was at Skank Fest. They accepted him. He's good. He's cool now. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah.

He's a good sport. They held a gun to his head and they said, say the N-word. Yeah. And he did it. They go, you're okay with this now. Whatever. Whatever. Cuba Cabo. Cuba Cabo. a gun to his head and they said say the n-word yeah and he did it they go you're okay with this but they're they're banging their uh fucking claws they have for hands against the table he said retard he said but they have claws his hands not because

they were in an accident they willfully got them chopped off and turned into claws so they could just grab food easier just they could just yeah they shove it right into a snake they go i want to be trans but i want to become a fork can you do that brother i i can't make the skank fest this year all my eyes fell out my eyes and my teeth fell out because I've been drinking dew for about a year. Not Mountain Dew, actual dew. In my honor. He goes out to his garden in the morning with sugar and he pours it on the plants.

Sips the dew. I've been sipping sugar, sipping and sucking sugar off this damn old dewy grass. Since I can't make it to Skank Fest, drink a glass of urine with blood in my honor. Selling these tickets for 80 bucks, brother. Anybody who comes through to the mobile home. Oh, but we went to get your driver fitted. Yeah, was crushing it. 290 carry.

Yeah, Jason's ball speed was like 116. Pretty cool. Yeah. Jason was carrying it like 292 and then roll out to like 308. Yeah. The guy had me hit like 30 balls. And by the end, I was almost about to pass out because I was swinging so hard to try and impress this guy.

I was trying to hit balls with Ben. And this guy, it was kind of annoying. He kind of helped me. You actually helped me with my stance. It's amazing because he was like a retarded fat guy shaped like a pear he was telling me like don't like i don't need to hit it that hard but i was like what do you shut listen i kind of like missing it and falling it's fun he also sucked ass did you watch him he sucked dick yeah he was like a pedophile somehow somehow he was a pedophile yeah to fuck me. I'm 30, but somehow he felt like a pedophile still trying to fuck you.

He's going to dress me up. He was going to dress me up like a kid. Shave my face. He saw the Walder Franco hat. Yeah. He thought you were a little baby. There's something creepy about him. Yeah.

I mean, to be fair, the guys who give tips on the range are the worst golfers of all time. It was annoying. I was like, can you leave me alone? The worst golfers are on the range constantly, by the way. Yeah. Those are the worst golfers in the world. I had a fun time, though. It was great.

I hit a couple. It was like, all right. Yeah, you're learning. It was your first time. First time. That'd be great. Yeah. You're going to play on Thursday.

We're going to have Devin golf, and we're going to make fun of him viciously. I got to get me a glove. I still have a scar here. I got a fucking blister from hitting. Listen, you got soft hands, brother. You got soft hands. I don't goon like you. I'm

gooning 80 motherfucking hours a week, brother. I'm in the gooners union, chapter 69, brother. Card carrier member. Proud Gooner. This guy's never worked with his hands. All he's done with his hands is grabbed his wiggler.

Yeah. He's got podcast hands over there. His podcast hands. I tell you, yep, his podcast hands. Yep. Very good, man. Very good. Very good. But then we went to In-N-Out after we got Jason.

Jason's like like all right i hit 30 uh drivers we uh we should go to in and out no okay first off this is a complete lie first off i am going to therapy for eating issues so you cannot be mean to me okay that's fair no second i'll edit it out and then put it in three times and i'll name the episode that the episode will be called jace wanted to go to n and out because i am the god of this romley living as the producer no it was we just got back it was very funny like katie was here and then kate's like oh okay you guys hungry yeah we're hungry

i'll just cook something she's like i'll cook something i said that you were like you i knew you did not mean it though i turned on the oven he loves to do this it's a fake you left the oven because you're getting nervous as the baby approaches and you hope something horrible happens here you turn the gas on manchester by the sea situation happens there's been leaving a lot of screens off the fireplace now you walked in you go you go, I guess I could cook something. I'll turn the oven on if you guys want me to cook. Or we could go to In-N-Out. We should reshoot, by the way, that scene in

Manchester by the Sea where he comes back fucked up and his house is on fire and he's like, Yes! Fuck yeah! Woo! Yeah. And the rest of the movie is everyone else that knew him. They're like, you need to settle down.

You're enjoying this way too much. Like, he's getting fucked up at the bar. He keeps cheersing. He won a bunch of insurance money. Yeah. The last 90 bits of the movie, just him going, let's groove tonight. And the spice is right. Ruin my life. screw tonight and the spices right ruin my life

trying to fuck one woman at the bar you fuck them kids yeah he's like you wanna check my dick fuck that stupid bitch he's like

didn't you burn your children and everything whatever fuck you bitch cunt cunt he tries to grab the cop's gun

but it's just to shoot off a couple of like like celebratory the rest of the movie is him trying to figure out how to now kill his nephew and by the way everybody in that area of the united states would just look at him and be like some guys have all the love yeah your family burned alive in his house. They go, Casey, you got a winning lottery ticket. Earn this. Earn this by assaulting a woman in your day-to-day life.

Not in the movie. He's probably innocent, but whatever. I had the oven on. I just want to say that. I had the oven on. I was ready to cook something. What were you going to cook in the oven, Ben? Put together a casserole real quick?

What the fuck were you going to do? Ben was getting ready to heat up In-N-Out from the day before. I had a frozen pizza. I was going to cut up a fresh bell pepper from the farmer's market and sprinkle that over the frozen pizza and then put that in the oven, thus making it healthy. Because it's from the farmer's market.

If you put vegetables on a frozen pizza, it's like a salad. Yeah, you go, I bought a frozen pizza from a guy in a tent, so it's healthy. It's not bad. Then I had to turn the oven off because Katie was, you know, she's pregnant, and she always just, she's been asking me to get In-N-Out for like two weeks straight. Swear to God.

Okay. And then she's like, I should, I and out for like two weeks straight swear to god okay and then she's like i should i shouldn't i should i shouldn't and then she'll just doordash like five hundred dollars worth of chicken what a what a bitch dude yeah i'm a pregnant bitch i'm gonna cut her belly open take that baby out of her what did you accidentally say when we were at in and out where i thought you really insulted her oh katie was like so i oh yeah it was i got my i'll tell you tell the story i got my clubs also fitted today which means they adjust your y angle on the clubs okay and k's like i want to do that and then what did you say to her and i said yeah once you're not pregnant anymore we'll

get you you should get fit oh yeah yeah a little double i mean yeah and jace was like she jason like i heard the end of that And he was like, Jesus Christ Because sometimes Jace is around us And he acts like me and Katie are the honeymooners I'm beating the shit out of her Jace is like, you guys should both go to therapy To the moon, Katie

To the moon Well, you said that and I thought you just meant You should stop being fat once the baby's born And I was like, God, just like our father. Literally. No joke. The apple is still on the tree. Hasn't even fallen.

Hasn't even fallen. Did your dad do that? He, you know, he probably gave my mother some. He took her to the gym while she was pregnant. Yeah, that's why we drink slim fast yeah shit that's why we're fucked up because our mom was always wearing weightlifters belts while she was pregnant yeah no my dad just like thinks everybody's fat yeah and he himself is fat which is very funny we're not allowed to tell him he's fat yeah right well he's yeah anyway anyway ben edit this out you

sent that really funny joke he sent you the other day it says yeah he just discovered comic books for the first yeah it didn't even make sense the joke i i looked at it for a while yeah you gotta look at them from all different angles they're actually fascinating they're so bad they're they're all they're like it's the finchico yeah you're trying to figure it out you have to decipher it right well for the listeners he's been sending us like those little one panel comics. Like he's found like the Farside from China or something. It's like rip off Farside. And he sends it like only a dad can where you're like, did you print? Did you like take a picture of a comic you saw in real life?

Save it to your computer, print it out. And then like take a picture of the printed image and then screenshot it and then send it to us yeah this looks like it's been xerox five it's comics where the first one he sent us was there was a dragon using a toilet in the middle of a jungle and then there's two uh safari guys who are white everybody's always white in the comics by the way very interesting and they have like a little binoculars and they go look look, a commode. Oh, dragon. Because he's using the toilet. Yeah.

Wow. And that's the one he sent us with no context. Sent us no response. No response. Next day, sent another comic. No one responds. You could feel like when you get something sent to you like that, you could like feel cells in you dying.

Yeah. Like you could feel like you just added to some cancer. Yeah. I hear a bing and I pick up my phone and it's hot like it's like got a little heat to it yeah yeah i can't even touch it and it was very funny he sent us like three comics in a row no response and then he sent us like a like one of those bible verses that's like and woe to thee who did not worship the lord for their newborns were crushed upon the rocks and their penises were cut off and burned and eaten by little birds.

Woe to them. Romans 6, 9 through 12. Yeah. No response. And then my sweet, cute video of my sister's baby. That's very cute. And then my dad will just write, Biden. Biden. We just thumb it up.

That's all he says is Biden? He'll just type Biden. My mom will mom will text like hey just to let you know aunt so and so has cancer he'll be like Biden God yeah that's Biden it's like being raised by a truck flap a mud flap on a truck

yeah a sexy lady mud flap just like yeah so I'm leaving your father a mud flap on a truck yeah a sexy lady mud flap yeah just like yeah so I'm leaving your father he's like Biden Biden broke up my marriage yeah Biden made it where I couldn't fuck yeah Biden

damn Biden damn Biden gave me ED yeah Biden fucked up my penis lasted six seconds again tonight Biden Biden made all my viagra stop working so i can't get my dick hard tries i might failure how long do you think you're gonna keep fucking as an as an adult like what's the last age you'll have sex at some would say i haven't started

hey you me both pal i only goon the day i met my future wife I set it down I go hey listen we're not fucking we're gooning we're going in from now on baby let me ask you a question sure uh I like the way you touch my thigh Is that a little white cloud? It's a white cloud. Ooh, okay. Here we go. You just want to touch it so bad. You're hoping some of the rock... Ooh. It kind of fell. You're hoping some of it gets into your pores and your fingers. Ben has a straw going out the bottom of his shirt sleeve.

He's like, ooh. He's cheating at a poker game in the 1800s. This is essentially like thermite that I'm dancing around. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Ooh, it feels like I'm actually just holding it. It's like I drank I mean mm-hmm I feel like I'm actually just holding it it's like I drink a cup of coffee I feel like a live

you already feel good yeah I feel like I'm a big can yeah I'm me again yeah I'm back you know it's funny I think about it I barely think about it too I barely think about it. I barely think about it, too. I barely think about it. That's why I brought... The mic snaps. Yeah. The mic snaps in my hand. I barely think about it. That's why I brought everybody's CBD sodas to drink. Mine was really good.

I actually really loved them. Yeah, I had a little bit of mine. It was pretty good. Yeah, it was very funny. I've been having, because I haven't been binging, I've been having very... I was driving over here last week to record, and I saw... I was in traffic i was on twitter i saw just a meme that it was it was a stupid meme but it was alfred from batman michael cain and he's holding a tray with medello on he goes

you're 13th ice cold beer mr wayne and i saw that i was like yeah i was like i saw that i was like yeah i probably should start drinking this. That would be pretty fun. I'm going to be perfectly honest here. Ben can't. Let me hear it. There is nobody on earth I want to drink with me more than Jace. That's it.

I'm going to say it. More than me? Yeah, but I'm a good guy. I'm not going to get you back into it. Sure, but if I lost everything, you'd be like come on have a beer but Jace never visibly

had a problem yeah if a lot of horrible things happen like a Manchester like yeah yeah yeah tragedy happened I would be the first

here with a big bottle for you a big a big bottle and a gun and a paper bag and you go with the serial

numbers scraped off of it and you go you go listen buddy there's a way out all this and it's just a moment away yeah no i would love to who knows maybe if i get if i get control of this vicious binge eating i've been because that's always been my was it really the drinking just made you be like i'll just eat anything i want now i was drinking and i was i was always binging and then once i cut the i was anorexic like when i was a teenager and in college and then once i quit drinking like the binging got even more and that's honestly feels like the harder one to cut so i'm working on it now but that's the reason i'm getting like these weird

panic attacks out of nowhere but vodka is no calories right so i can drink it there we go no there are keto yeah i lost 25 pounds doing keto and drinking every night can i tell you you actually did though i did yeah not every night but i drank in college i was on a diet that was i ate one i ate like half a frozen pizza a day and then i was allowed eight tall boys and then i ran 10 miles a day and i lost 30 pounds doing that every day my bones started to warp in true joker willing style exactly you're eating a tombstone pizza and drinking 15 beers and then running across the city yeah and i go good good good i go my body's eating my bones for vitamins. Good. Good. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. This is porn where the lady has a dick. Good. Good. That's exactly what I was looking for. Good.

Clicked on it on accident. It's not gay because I'm drunk. Good. If I clicked on it on accident, then I can fucking jack off to it. And if I clicked on it by accident, I can click on recommended videos from it. So I can keep watching good good good good If you're drunk It doesn't count as when you watch gay porn if you can get to it without typing it in then it's not gay

Yeah, if it autofills from the last time you were drunk and search for it. It doesn't count and it's not gay Yeah, Jocko Willink who gay porn yeah Jocko Willink who won't admit who won't admit trans porn is gay Alex Jones she's got big fat tits good

Alex Jones got caught on Infowars watching tranny porn how'd he get caught do I have to bleep that can you say that word tranny oh yeah

god forbid yeah that one will get us that's the worst thing you know how those people are they have their panties in a wad of that yeah their briefs are all in a bunch God forbid. Yeah, that one will get us. That's the worst thing we've said. You know how those people are. They have their panties in a wad of that. Yeah, their briefs are all in a bunch. That was bad.

I think that's what they call the category of porn. So that's why I called it that. Because I don't call people like that. I don't go like, hey, you're a... Yeah, you call black women ebony. It's all based on categories for you. Black women ebony it's all based on categories for you that would be so insane if i did that yeah that is what if you go to a porn site the black horn is called ebony horn you you call a husband a cuckold oh my yeah and is your cuckold present

yeah instead of saying your daughter you go my barely legal my barely legal you're like she's zero that's what the barely's for good lord yeah man i think i was gonna ask you as a hypothetical question oh bring it yeah oh it was if your significant other died like kind of tragically how long would it take before you like fucked like three hours do you like i would get her to the morgue and i'm like you guys all good i think you got it from here i'm like i'm like identifying the body while calling an uber i'm like yeah that's her fucking 15 minutes the fuck i'm like great it's it's double charge oh it's it's surging it's surging right now. God, you guys couldn't take her earlier? God.

We know she's dead. Feel her. She's called us a damn rock. I think she's actually waking up. You took off your shoe? Yeah. You're beating the shit out of her. You're like, let me check her pulse.

And then you just press down into her neck really hard. I think you're choking. You're like, no, no, no. I can't. I can't feel it. Did you see that video of the crazy actress who was really high

on cocaine and crack and shit like a year ago? Anne Heche? Yes. Who crashed into that car? Into the house, yeah. Did you see the video footage of the helicopter

filming them taking the body out of the house? That wasn't her. That was a different thing. Oh. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen. That was insane.

Yeah, that was crazy. Don't worry. That was another Ian Miles Chong line. That was insane. Yeah, that was crazy. Don't worry. That was a normal woman who was killed for no reason. It was a woman. She unzipped the bag she was in and she like on the news. I saw that. She was like. That was crazy.

That was crazy. Yeah. But she wasn't in John Q. So nobody gives a fuck about her. Oh, yeah. She is in John Q. Oh, yeah. Aunt Hayes.

Aunt Hayes, yeah. Denzel's just going like why do you look so dykey yeah you crashed into my house you tried to kill my son hey emma you're the only one allowed in here but and hayes man yeah poor last that was terrible she smoked a bunch of crack and drove into the side of the house it's crazy because Hollywood

is so healthy for you you know especially as a woman oh sure an old woman they treat you like milk in Hollywood you turn 37

and they just throw you in a fucking trash can she was driving away from a sod that Harvey Weinstein hired I hope that what comes out of this at the very hired. I hope that what comes out of this at the very least

is I hope we get cool movies. Out of what? The Israel-Palestine thing. Oh, cool movies. Yeah, I hope we get cool movies where there's a sexy IDF lady with huge tits and a huge ass and she fucks a lot.

They already made it. It's called Wonder Woman. Oh, yeah. It was in Gal Gadot. She's Israeli, right? Oh, yeah. She fuck Gal Gadot. Yeah. Yeah. She's Israeli, right? Oh, yeah. She fucks a gun. Yeah.

She's married to a gun. Yeah. They make a Rambo colon ethnostate is the movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gal Gadot is very funny. I saw somebody tweet, like, here's a list of celebrities who just endorsed Israel in

case you want to unfollow. Number one, Gal Gadot. And people were like, what? Yeah, right. The woman who fought in the IDF? Oh, my God. They all have to, right? Yeah.

If you grow up there. Well, you'll have to. I mean, isn't that what the club does? It's all a big club, right? They train you early. They support the same thing at the exact same time. Yeah, they tell you, like, you better not get too much of a tan, or we will fucking shoot you right in the head.

Yeah. Put that pita down, pick up some damn challah. Yeah. Yeah. She had big tits, though. Look, they're okay. Good though? Bees, maybe.

I thought she had big tits. I don't know if she's, like, super big tits. She's just gorgeous. Fuck her. She's just really hot. She's gorgeous, but we could move those titties up quite a few notches. Oh, they could get a little bigger.

She needs to spend more time in America. I need her to pump those numbers up. She'll be working at tight ends in no time. Yeah, she is great how little shit she gives about any acting role at this point. Yeah. She made like $5 million, and now she'll be in a new Justice League movie.

She'll just walk, and she's like, hey, wondering what's up like i mean it's my lasso yeah they're like oh look at her pussy yeah she's just hot she's just she's just eye candy basically it's like a i was talking to my cup uh her whole thing is just like she's a pussy line basically her put like in the movie like you can see like can see I can see her pussy. That's why we paid her a lot of money. She has the abs that go into the pussy itself and then wrap around the back of her body. Her pussy looks like the Gaza Strip.

It looks like the border. Chase Bank, they got US Bank, West Bank. They got every bank in the book. They got every bank in the book. Call back! Call back! I tell you what.

That's what we call a classic joke, ladies. Is there one bank they don't want? I mean, folks. I know how to solve this. Put my credit card down. It would be funny. You could end the war if you Venmo Netanyahu $50.

He's like, I cannot say no. I can't say no to money like that. He's like, listen, a deal's a deal. He's like, 50 claims? Yeah, straining his tie. He goes, boy, golly gee. No, you give him free tickets like the Dodgers game three. And he goes, these are worth at least $125.

I'm going to resell these. Netanyahu outside Dodgers. He's a scalper. Yeah, like I got two. I got two. Who's the guy in Hamas who's like, I'm the guy who's against Netanyahu. Is there a guy, the main guy? I didn't know there was a main guy.

Do they have a Bin Laden or like a guy who's like. That's the guy who's against Netanyahu. Is there a guy, the main guy? I didn't know there was a main guy. Do they have a Bin Laden or like a guy who's like... That's the thing. There's not much... Yeah, they don't have like a structure. There doesn't seem to be like a main... It's a nail in the hay. That's why they're all dying. Yeah, their general's a slingshot,

so I don't know what you expect. Yeah. I think they need like a last chance U coach to go in the game for them. Yeah, they need Buddy Ryan. Yeah, right. Andy Reid or some shit. God damn it. You don't throw the rock

that early. What the fuck? Yelling at a ref. He's still fat as shit. Still huge. Where the fuck are your shoes? All my players got their own shoes. God damn it, son. You forgot your helmet.

Son, pick up the potato gun and fire hold on to the molotov cocktail run the damn ball run the damn ball north and south motherfucker north and south my head like hurts from these wander franco hats and we're like past an hour and i kind of want to end because i can't really think anymore. We should. We should. And the funny thing is, is they were designed for children. So they barely they were given only to children. Yes. It's literally like it's you know, God is real because this happened. El Patron. El Patron. The fact that they gave out 14 and under hats and then he was what does Patron mean? It's a liquor. I know, but his nickname is El Patron.

It's the pedophile in Spanish. They call him El Peta. Not the docs myself, but my license plate. Me and Katie looked at it. Don't say that out loud. What? Your whole license plate? No, I'm not going to say my whole license plate.

Okay, sorry. But I'm going to give you a little bit of it. Me and Katie were like- 1488. Yeah. H-T-L-R. One. We were both like standing in the parking lot and we were looking at our license plate

on our car. And we did a head tilt and we're like, license plate start with the letter cp we're like huh yeah only you and katie have ever noticed that i know the only people about to have a kid that have been like should we get a new license plate yeah i gotta get a new i gotta get a vanity plate now that just says i stand with israel yeah i gotta get a vanity plate for israel i'm just gonna get an israel how about i stand with israel yeah i gotta get a vanity plate for israel i'm just gonna get an israel how about i get an israel 88 vanity plate so i really just confuse the hell out of everybody they don't know where i stand on it well that kind of fits honestly i guess it does actually being extreme racist and defending israel well everybody's saying if you support palestine now the palestinians are basically neo-nazis that's like whatever, like Barry Weiss and all these people who are like, you know, that

seem to have brain damage or say. And they're like, we only defend the Ukrainian Nazis. Exactly. Those are the good ones. Dude, that is the funniest thing is every senator like shifted from supporting Nazis to Jews overnight. Yep. Yeah.

Just so the military industrial complex can keep rolling. Yep. That's a sign of low intelligence, by the way, is if anyone you don't like, you compare them to Nazis. It seems to be like you're just surface level. You just go, oh, you're Nazi.

You're Nazi. I don't like that. You're Nazi. You're racist. Yeah, you're one step above the guy who turned Obama into the the joker on signs in 2007 which that guy got tons of pussy from that that guy that guy was robert murdoch started an empire i wish i was the guy who invented uh putting obama on uh urinal cakes urinal pads that would be pretty well they did that with jane fonda originally oh really yeah

because of the vietnam shit if you go to any va in america you can piss on jane's face they hate her yeah they hate her because she was like trying to show like like like the vietnamese how to do like stretching or whatever yeah she went to teaching the pilates yeah she went to vietnam and she sucked off all the vietnamese guys yeah yeah it's really funny to like you know devote your life to like hating like the female jack la lane yeah protesting 80 for brady yeah in your dying days i hate monster in law piece of shit movie we're like monster and bitch yeah yes me was that one of those things were like the only people that were against jane fonda and shit were see me the people only people that were against the war in vietnam were the people that didn't fight in it but were for war it seemed

anybody that fought in vietnam came back and they were like what the fuck did it just happened oh yeah i am anymore and that was very wrong i did horrible things yeah it seems to be the narrative pretty much and then everybody that didn't fight in it like either called them gay or was still pro-war yeah because they just have to get they get to sit back and you know well i think vietnam was the one where they they called everybody baby killer so that was the one everybody was hippies and they're like you're baby killer. And then we felt really bad about that. So when Kuwait happened, we were like, USA number one. Let's go, baby.

And then culturally, the response to that was kind of cool, because then we got movies like Taxi Driver, where angry, isolated men who were very confused were just like, yeah, I think I'm going to kill everybody. What if I, hey. Yeah. You know why I hate everyone? What if, and hear me out. What if I made them not exist?

What if I gooned all day at a movie theater? And I got really good at loading weapons. What if I gooned so much, I tried to save a child prostitute to fuck her? And I blew a guy's hand out while I was holding it up in the air. That's my favorite shot in all of cinema. It's incredible.

It's just that Italian guy going like, and his hand exploding. That rolls. His gooning hand. I was like, God damn. You shot him in the gooning hand. I know, you son of a bitch. You do not shoot a man in his gooning hand.

Yeah, that's Geneva Convention. You save the goon. He's like, game i'm gonna have to switch to reverse overlap and travis pickle's like it's way better by the way you're gonna love it he's like do me a favor blow my fucking brains out you took away my life and why don't you kill me now i can't do it anymore can't goon anymore. Can't goon for shit. He can still fuck, but now he can't jack off. He's like, this is good for nothing. You kill me. What am I supposed to do? Get my dick sucked?

Fuck you. I'm a gooner. Okay. I'm way too hot. We got to take a break and do the Patreon. Patreon.com slash liveandparty. And the live streams are every Wednesday at 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. By the way, we're recording this like maybe six days before this episode comes out.

Because we always record like five days before, six days before. So if Israel's like, you know, nuked at this point just you know pretend that like you know there's not like a before something horrible happened we're not gonna re-record so just take that into account yeah so exactly it is what it is but uh anyway diving in hey watch pod yes jace at sad drawings by jace and we'll see you next week folks bye