lemonparty - 054: MidSchumer's Night Dream

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

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I've been all day, all day I've been that light beam. Always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of these. Ben, all day. All day I've been singing to myself. From the river to the sea. That means you want to kill me. From the river to the sea. Do you guys really think I'm not going to just rename this show The Brett Gelman Show?

I'll change the RSS feed. I'll change everything. And we will only talk about brett gellman and his his fiancee yeah it's fascinating he ditched the he doesn't have he's not married anymore he has a new lady it's very funny i i realized he had a black bald wife for blm and then when israel came around he he traded her in he traded her in like it was a lease for a nice IDF woman. Nice IDF woman, yep. For a big Jewess. Yep, he needed his genocidal nickels in May. I feel so bad for them right now because

from the river to the sea means that you want to kill me. From the river to the sea, that means you want to kill me. It's still so funny that just like the big, the only people really, like Palestinian people are like, oh, you know, this happens, whatever. And they're like, American Jews are like, oh God, I'm so afraid.

I know, I know. They're like, they were all out of locks today, Russ and Daughters. I don't feel safe. They're like, I've been wearing bagels like Kevlar while i go to my job where i make 300 grand that is the most obnoxious part of all this uh is the american jews the american jews the rich the rich american jews walking around the upper west side acting like they're being like attacked yeah turning turning into like rednecks in 2003 where they're like they're over

the border like is that happening are they unsafe people are tearing down like the kidnapping flyers from the river jesus wow jesus fucking well i had to show people the video i think if you played that loud enough it would explode all our head like scanners yeah that was like white phosphorus yeah they're they're there's tanks going through the West Bank just playing these videos. Palestinian people are just blowing their heads off. Yeah, it's like Mars attacks.

Their heads are exploding from Brett Gellman singing. I also, like, I love he's in his, like, slim, shady era. Like, he, like, bleached his hair. Dude, he looks like Sam Hyde's dad, ironically. Yeah, beware men who fight monsters you know yeah no his girlfriend was like she was like was she in the idf or she's from i don't know israel i don't know i don't know if she's a comedian i don't know if she's a uh you know her hand was no idea which of the west coast her instagram says a musician you know whatever for all i know she's a super soldier.

Yeah, she's Wonder Woman. Here's the thing. I mean, Brett Gelman doesn't know he's going viral on, like insanely viral on Twitter every day. And they keep doing these Palestinian show tunes every day. He looks like Manson on the stand. He's just posting his own testimony. I love that they're both duetting this on Instagram, by the way. They're like, we're gonna...

I will go down with this shit. Here's the thing that I want to know. The best moment of this is when he texts her, because they don't, obviously, they don't sleep with each other. They probably live in a giant mansion. They have other wings, like Patton Oswalt and his wife or whoever. Sure. And so when they posted this, he texted her and he goes can you accept my collab for the for the

for the show tune we did we did that remember that genocidal show tune we did can you accept the collab honey bunch he had to he had to call her on the phone in their mansion because they both blocked each other online they They hate each other that much. And he picks up a big red phone and he goes, would you like to sing about the Palestinians getting murdered and how that's cool at 3 p.m.? She's like, okay, I can pencil that.

I can pencil that in between doing nothing and owning property. Here's this dry turd of a video. It's the only way i can describe it yeah from the river to the sea still too loud that means you want to kill me from the river to the sea that means you want to kill me from the river to the sea that means you wanna kill me man

it's like a Zionist Zionist WB frog yeah somehow more racist than the WB frog yeah you just know there's guys who work at Goldman Sachs that's their alarm on their their phone in the morning is the river to the sea song tons of people want to kill both of them it

has nothing to do with them being jewish has nothing to do yeah no not at all has everything to do with just their their soul and everything yeah no we joked on the live stream that like they're like would you hide me once the new Holocaust happens? And it's like, no Nazis want to take you to the camp. They're like, the train ride

would be unbearable. Yeah. They go, trust me, we'll kill the other jizz. We're not going to have them kill themselves because you're there.

Yeah. You'd be running out of like fucking Anne Frank's house and be like, hey, they're up there. They'd be like, fine, don't sweat it.

This is her... This is her song. Oh, she's a rapper? Yeah. Big Rich Daddy. She's literally talking about her father. Yeah.

Way to play... This one goes out to my dad. Yeah. I love how she's like talking about her father. Yeah. Way to play good. This one goes out to my dad. Yeah. I love how she's like, we're not stereotypes now. Listen to this. Oh, that's brutal. She's trying to be like a Cardi B type. Oh, shit.

Brett did another video, too. Oh, hell yeah, dude. That also went viral. I missed it. Hit it. When I say Hamasas I don't mean Palestinian but when you say Zionist you mean

Jew when I say Hamas I don't mean how do they do this every day Zionist you mean Jew I like to I like to think he's really working on it too yeah like he's like Leonard Bernstein's really working on it too yeah like he's like leonard

bernstein at a piano with papers and cigarettes and he's like the d flat it doesn't it doesn't resolve itself just banging away with two like secretly gay fucking musical guys yeah he's got that orchestra uh orca like that maestro tuxedo with the two long fins on the back that hang over the piano chair. Yeah, doing the little reed on the stand and being like... Yeah, basically he looks like Bugs Bunny. Yeah, an orchestra, but they all pick up rocket launchers. And then he waves his hand and they fire it at a school bus. And they go, that school bus might have had a bad person on it.

We don't know. How could we possibly know? I played golf with a guy who looked like Kim Jong-un. Okay, great. A short, fat Korean guy who was like 65. Wearing Hillary Clinton's suit. Yeah, wearing the Hillary Clinton suit. He was awesome.

He smoked very thin cigarettes with Korean lettering on it. Like Capri's? Yeah, he smoked rice and cigarettes. Well, they don't trust the American cigarettes, I don't think. I don't think Asians here, they don't, they always have like cigarettes

with like the lettering on it from their place. I don't know if you noticed that. Yeah, they're like marbles don't have like dragon balls and shit in it. Yeah, yeah. And he said,

he goes, he goes, he goes, Palestine, they need to flatten the motherfucker. He goes, he goes, Palestine, they need to flatten the motherfucker. He goes, fuck it. Fuck the motherfucker. And then he teed off.

It was like a beautiful try. He did like 330. Yeah, 330. I was like, damn. Yeah. Jewish guy runs up in a golf cart. He's like, how would you like a riding shot? How would you like that?

Flatten the motherfucker. Flatten the motherfucker. He goes, fuck the motherfucker. Fuck the motherfucker. His English wasn't very good. Yeah, fuck the motherfucker. Fuck the motherfucker. His English wasn't very good. Yeah, that's all. But he knew enough to say, we should do a shit. Yeah, he's learning English to defend Israel.

Yeah, dude, it fucking rules. Dude, Amy Schumer, I kind of almost admire her at this point. It's amazing. Did you see the thing she posted today? Yeah, yeah. Or was that today? Yeah. Yeah, she posted today.

She's like, I get it. I'm fat and ugly and I fucking suck and i'm not oh i didn't see that yeah ben can you can you pull oh yeah i'm pulling it up yeah it was on her instagram i believe oh it's all over twitter though she didn't yeah she didn't post she doesn't post on twitter anymore because bernie's king told her to kill herself on twitter right yeah yeah martha king's like daughter right yeah my daughter martha king's daughter was like K-Y-S over her tweet. Damn, I wish I could pull up Instagram on this piece of shit

thing that is actually awesome and I love it. Oh, she sucks so bad that actors that were on CSI they commented on her thing and they weren't aware of what she's been up to and then they're denouncing her now now they're like i'm sorry like please i want to be on the new girl next year they're like amy's not getting movies anymore what the fuck are these photos of

her that face when you see an empty go forward again what was jesus christ jesus jesus h yeah look at that looks like she's doing like the breakfast at Tiffany's face. She's window shopping for new houses in Palestine. I wouldn't put a cadaver in this. Like, I wouldn't put it like if you showed me like my dead mother. They go, is this fine? You go, what the fuck is wrong with you? No, you'd beat the shit out of the mortician.

You'd go, you think this is are you fucking with my fucking mom how'd you turn my mom into amy schumer jesus christ damn she's nasty that's her impression of a dead palestinian very good they're doing the they're doing the palestinian challenge it's like planking there's so many bad amy schumer posts i'm trying to find i think that's one of the yeah here we go yeah here it is couple things what i want is every hostage back i want safety and freedom from hamas for palestinians and israelis i want safety for jewish people and muslims as well everyone just like you i want peace you will never see me

wishing harm on anyone saying i'm islamophobic or that i like genocide is crazy real quick though just imagine the the place the point in your life where you find yourself typing i don't like genocide like what have you done i know your pr guy is like screaming outside the window your pr guy's trying to break your fucking door down yeah the shining chuck Schumer yeah Chuck Schumer yeah so here she is making herself the center of attention once again but claiming it's not of her own volition she says so here you go by popular demand like look I don't want to do this I during the BLM I didn't hold up the black power fist yeah let's get arrested famously I don't like to make everything about me like a stupid bitch everyone knows that about me uh she goes so here you go by popular demand comments on

please keep the below in mind when you say i'm rich please add in quote unquote self-made i come from being dirt poor senator Senator Chuck Schumer, which why is the first thing she wants to address about Israel and Palestine about her being rich? She goes, first, I want to address some Jewish stereotypes. First off, I am rich, but I made it through investing, which is not typical for us.

Senator Chuck Schumer is my dad's second cousin once removed. I didn't meet him until I was 25. There was a second page. Fuck, do they not have that? Fuck this person for not putting up the second page. The second page was where it gets really cringy. I know. Damn it.

See if you can find it. I can summarize it if we can't find it. Oh, she's been like DMing. There it is. There it is. Right here. I think it's right there, right? Right here? No, that's Bono.

She's so shitty, I thought she was Bono. That's how ugly she was. I was like, no, it's that six-year-old Irish lesbian. There we go. I got it. No, that's not it. This is another one? I think she's just firing these off. I would log into Instagram

on here if I was allowed to, but it doesn't let me. And I really never thought I'd see Amy Schumer's face next to Martin Luther King Jr. I know, right? Yeah. He'd be like, I'm actually changing that dream. We should not coexist. If you showed Martin Luther King, Amy Schumer, he'd be like, the government is breeding these to fuck black people. They ruin our genetics.

I had the opposite of a wet dream last night. Amy Schumer he'd be like the government is breeding these to fuck black people they'll ruin our genetics I had the opposite of a wet dream last night Amy Schumer showed up oh but she said here I found another snippet of it snippet of it I've never been given any money to support a cause other than tampons I've never stolen a joke

people calling me a failed comic I'm the most successful female comedian of all time yeah which is objectively not true. Joan Rivers. Yeah. Roseanne. Ellen DeGeneres. You know, aren't people who are hated for.

You also did steal jokes. Yeah. There's endless proof. You stole many jokes. Yeah. Yeah. And then so I know what she says. She goes, people call me a female comic.

I'm the most successful comic of all time. I'm sorry. I'm ugly slash fat. And no one wants to fuck me but i found someone who did i hope you find someone who wants to fuck you you found an autistic chef that just makes you food all day you found a human r2d2 to fuck you sometimes and then i guess she's getting mad at people too oh she's like dming people yeah and people are like, I'm literally just a working... I have 9,000 followers. Why are you messaging me?

She said, did something I post about my people being massacred upset you? And then they respond, the Islamophobia and generalization of Gazan people did. She goes, really sorry about that. Really sorry about that. Wow, what a zinger. And then she goes, people all over the world are in the streets yelling for murder of my people. Okay, so this is something I've been trying to explain to uh people that i've been meeting is that you can't go in the street and say that you want to kill people or that people should be killed

you'll be thrown in prison this is something they keep saying that is happening in every city in america that's inciting violence right yeah i don't know how people don't understand like the basics meanwhile the only videos of jews i've seen beaten up are the Hasidic getting beat up by the IDF. Right, other Jews. In the West Bank. Yeah. Because they were saying, don't fuck up Palestine. There might be a video of someone saying that they want to kill Jews or something.

But the idea that everybody is in the town square, the mayor and everybody, from Baltimore to Cincinnati to LA. Everybody's chanting, we want to kill Jews. It's not true. No, what they do is they find some crazy guy with a hoodie on and a mask standing outside of Harvard. And he's homeless. And he's like, kill all Jews. Fuck you. And then a Jewish guy comes up and hands him $100.

He's like, thank you. You did great. You did great. You did great. You did great. Yeah. I saw one post that really made me laugh. I think it was the IDF's Twitter account, which I love that the IDF is just tweeting Disney adult memes. And they tweeted a picture of just Palestinians dancing with guns.

And they're like, this is what happens in a country where you don't have ssris yeah i don't know what that means i don't even i was like are you just a walking copy of port noise complaint what are you doing uh yeah that's weird yeah i've been trying to ignore everything about israel and palestine though yeah i've been trying to not post cringe but it's it's been pretty difficult yeah i've been eating a lot of mediterranean food lately it kind of got me in the mood honestly yeah you're on twitter you see a barbecue baby you're like man i could go for some zanku baba ganoush sounds great i feel like i could finally with this israel palestine thing i can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel because there was a video going around yesterday of that uh irish guy getting fucked in the ass by that pony i didn't see that i was like all right we're we're we're getting close to normal again that's matt mass shooting five days

ago right five days after that viral video of a guy getting fucked to death by a horse that's your version that's your version of noah's white dove coming back with an olive bridge as you walk to the bow of your boat you go yeah oh there's an irish guy getting fucked by a pony we'll be okay everyone and and there was another viral video today of a retarded guy in like the bronx having sex with the grill of his car i did see that his dick is out and he's just fucking the car like that oh wow, wow. I can show it and then blur it later. I haven't seen it. Yeah.

It's actually Nan Yahoo's son. He goes to NYU. He owns NYU. What the hell? I had it pulled up earlier. I know. I saw you have it pulled up. Yeah.

Where did my tabs go? Where the hell my damn tabs go? Oh, God damn it. They were deleted. That's right. They were fucking deleted. I want to know more about Brett Gelman's wife. Yeah. goddammit. They were deleted. That's right. They were fucking deleted. I want to know more about Brad Gelman's wife. You do not, my friend.

I mean, she's paid by the CIA to fuck him, so... Yeah. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to fuck this weird, insane guy. Look at him, dude. He sucks so much ass. A fucking ecstasy addict retard. I know.

Just going on Comedy Bang Bang and doing like, what's up? You know, like gangsta white rapper bits and shit. Fucking piece of shit. Hold on. I got the video right here. Hold on. I also saw Hillary Clinton sending on like a fucking like. Debbie Boobie sent this to me.

Fucking Jabba the Hutt couch with her big ass suit. Oh, yeah. Saying like, we need to keep. Just being like, we need to walk. We need to just. Put Hamas off the face of the earth. Oh, yeah. Saying like, we need to keep. Just being like, we need to walk. We need to just. Put Hamas off the face of the earth. Yeah, kill Hamas. I just wanted, I wanted to walk up like Duke Nukem.

I wanted to be Duke Nukem and walk up to her and then kick her head off her fucking neck and then just shove a gun down her neck and just start firing. God, I hate her so much. Yeah, man. He's really fucking that thing. Yeah, he's fucking the car.

He's having a great time. Yeah. What part of the car is he having sex with? Wait, is this in the Bronx? It might be Gaza. I don't know. This looks like, yeah. Yeah, there is a lady with a hijab.

This is why they make him wear hijabs, because they have so many retarded people. He's really like, how is he hard? It says the IDF has released footage of a high-ranking Hamas soldier sabotaging idf vehicles in broad daylight i'm gonna retweet that yeah i get like 300 people to unfollow me whatever fantastic stuff man i like how he really is having sex with it he's having a good time and he's filming it like it's like the pam anderson day yeah because you think he's just humping the car

but he took his hard dick out and he shoved it between the wind grill. Unless he's watching Cars 2 on his iPhone. That's his porn. He's watching a video of him fucking another car on his phone. I wish people could enjoy that, but I'm going to have to blur his dick. You're right. I think we are back. That was normal.

We're back. We are healed. My timeline has literally just been this. To the sea this that means you want to kill me from the river to the sea that means you want to kill me from the river to the sea that means you want to kill me by the way what is this? There's this weird thing that like alt comics started doing where they blink one eye like this. And I think they all stole it from Kate Berlant.

Yeah. And they do it where they blink one eye like they have some sort of like, I don't know. It could be their MK ultra wearing off slowly. They're trying to blink through it like get out. Yeah. Yeah. ultra wearing off slowly yeah they're trying to blink through it like get out yeah yeah just imagine dude like you're a fucking guy with no legs in a refugee camp and the last thing you see on your zoom phone is is brett gellman singing and then you just vaporize out of nowhere do you guys want to see the video of the guy fucking the horse i mean you brought it up let me see

what i very political episode. I do. At this point, I really... I'm actually kind of appreciative of Elon. And full disclosure, I had a big bad thing. I almost went full Bud Dwyer last night. What happened? Where I'm like, I'm telling everybody to back up and I'm pulling a big gun out of a paper bag.

I opened my phone and this very rarely happens. I laughed out loud at a meme. Now, it's not anything to be concerned about, but I exited out of the meme, and I saw that it was posted by Elon. Ooh. Oh, that's rough. Yeah.

This is really your daughter's fault. Wow. I actually thought about not bringing it up to anyone. Yeah, we're going to add that. You heard that, Barrett. Our patron's going to crash if people hear that. So he's making you genuinely laugh. Yeah, he posted a...

It was a picture of a car with a magnet on it with metal and the car going. Basically showing it's like an invention someone drew on 4chan, basically. Where if a magnet's here, pointed back at the car, it could pull the car. Does that make sense? Like a horse with a carrot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the clip under it, it was a video clip playing on the meme under it of Patrick Bateman going, why doesn't it work? And he goes, it just doesn't. And he goes, why not, you stupid bastard? Remember when he calls him a stupid bastard?

That made you laugh? Yeah. The way he says bastard really gets me. You should kill yourself. God, put the cell phone, hold on your belt right now. Hold on.

No, no, no. Hold on. Jesus fucking Christ. Hold on. That was so cringy. You have a LinkedIn account now.

You should have kept that to yourself. I have to hold myself accountable for these kinds of things. Because it's a slippery slope. It's a very slippery slope. He posts so many memes. Right here. Why not, you stupid bastard? Why isn't it possible?

The way he says bastard always gets me. You know what? That's actually hilarious. I take it back. Why not, you stupid bastard. And it just got me. I clicked on. I wasn't expecting what I was seeing. I looked up at the top and he said bastard. I went.

And I exited out and I was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yeah. I was like. You throw your phone into the pool and come back with a flamethrower. Like DiCaprio. Yeah, once upon a time in Hollywood myself. Yeah, that really fucking...

If it makes you feel better, he didn't make that. He didn't make it. It's a meme he found. But he posted it and I laughed at it. Yeah. So I'm every guy in the comments now that are like, excellent meme, Sir Musk. Great gambit, Mr. Musk. And then right after that, I just kept watching that guy get fucked by the horse to like just

delete the memory from my brain. To cleanse yourself. Yeah. Like a monk whipping his back with rods. Yeah. Anyway, back to this footage. You needed to pay in blood. That's right.

Yeah. Really sucks ass though. Yeah. Yeah. Everything sucks ass. yeah you needed to pay in blood that's right um yeah really success though yeah yeah i really i'm i look i had to tell somebody because i couldn't just live with that especially because of how much shit we talk on this podcast about people that find bullshit i get he's funny he's our he's our best he's our finest comic yeah at this point. Yeah, I'm starved for funny content. He's one of the five funniest people on Joe Rogan's podcast. That counts. That might be true. That might be true, sadly. Other than Eddie Bravo being like, why can't we kill fags?

And Joe being like, that's a good point. It's a philosophical discussion. No, I saw Elon on Rogangan i might be being cringed now but elon goes uh he's like you know the thing during covid they don't talk about is um 80 of people who were put on respirators died so joe's like yeah man they really fucked up with that it's just like yeah because they were about they were already about to die so that's why they were put on a respirator yeah yeah i think there's a lot of stuff too about uh it if you put someone with covet if you put them on a respirator it uh makes them more vulnerable to like other things coming into their lungs and so it kills

them like immediately and then they realized almost immediately they shouldn't do that and again i don't know why anybody's still talking about it yeah and who like all these people that talk about all the people that died in covet they're never humanitarians they don't care about people they step over people to go to their the the places where those people aren't that are sick and die right you want they don't give a shit that people die they don't care on cyber truck runs off of homeless people like he shovels them into a big furnace. Yeah. And that's how it goes. Yeah. He made a protest-proof car

to drive through people. He literally, he saw Charlottesville and he goes, I can do better. Yeah. He goes, imagine if people,

they can't even shoot at you. Joe, fire a bow and arrow at it. You can't do it. I want to pull this out and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, people died and they actually like people that you guys don't like humanity you don't like human beings you don't

like people you want you don't care that they died right you love that people died so you have a point of contention yeah yeah this has been your thing for three years like oh i get it i get it fauci the democrats are liars whatever does anyone like being around you? Does anyone enjoy your presence besides what you can give them monetarily? Dude, Elon eating the pizza on Rogan's podcast sent me over the fucking edge. I missed that one. He ate pizza on this last app.

I'll see if it's on Twitter. I mean, I put it on for like 10 minutes and they were just talking about COVID. I thought I was in the past. Yeah. I thought I time-trapped. You in the past yeah I thought I time traveled you woke up from a nap and you're like oh it's 2020 and

I'm just starting hate watch I was like oh god I gotta get some toilet paper you call up and you're like listen we need to start a podcast we need to call a limit party here it is so Elon

Elon also gives a shout out to and by the way I love Joe I love Jamie this is all about Elon here why not it's not really good for you I don't think anyone's gonna accuse pizza being like a This looks awesome. Oh, yes. I hate his laugh. Dude, his fucking faggot laugh. God damn it. All right, sick. This is awesome. It sucks!

Dude. It sucks! What's his pizza place name? Pizza Leone. Pizza Leone? Shout out to Pizza Leone. God. Damn, dude.

Just one of the guys. That really hits the spot. Just one of the guys. damn dude just one of the guys just one of the guys he's dressed like an actor that just got off his shift at the Treasure Island fucking pirate

show okay here we go you gotta listen to him eat the crust it makes it it's in my MK trigger I like want to stand up and start assembling and dissembling like a rifle just like I start marching to stand up and start assembling and dissembling like a rifle just like I start marching it activates you I mean I'm no Dave Portnoy a pizza analyst who oh god damn it god damn it

dude that's that's the laugh you do if you're one of the guys on the boat in taken yeah his yeah in between bidding for a young kidnapped woman, you laugh like that. That's an apartheid laugh. Jesus Christ. And then he made me laugh with a meme maybe 15 minutes after that. I couldn't believe it. I had to take a bath. Yeah, you're in the shower. You just got raped in prison.

Man. Yeah, that really sucks ass. Yeah, that's the worst thing I've seen all week. Dude, that was very funny not to go just be the palestine guy but like when matthew perry died the amount of people i saw like this is the saddest thing i've heard all week man i know yeah drug addict died like a lobster yeah the devon his show really sucked though I know, yeah Honestly, anyone that genuinely thought Friends was funny

Should be killed You know it's like 70% of the country And I've always thought 70% of the country should die We're mal guys We want to take out people It sucked so hard I liked when Joey got the turkey stuck on his head Remember that?

Who can forget those classic bits? Remember when that screwball Joey got the turkey stuck on his head? Yeah. Screwball. You know, I got to say, not a fan of Friends. I am a fan of Joey's spinoff. I like the spinoff. Yeah.

He had Drea DiMatteo in it and everything. They gave him like a Gomer Pyle spinoff type show? They gave him a show called like Joey. Yeah. And it was just him

coming home from dates. Yeah. It was literally it was Matt LeBlanc. That was it. Yeah. It's Matt LeBlanc 50s coming home.

He's like, I finger banged a girl or whatever. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Are there any cameos from Courtney Cox? Because I'd love to see that.

I'd love to see those fat cats. The hottest MILF maybe ever to live. I remember completely hating her until I saw her in The Longest Yard with just big fat titties. And I go, she's a good person. Oh, yeah, she was great at the beginning of that. She just walks in with huge natural cans. Her and Jennifer Connelly are like the two top milfs in my head. Jennifer Connelly was great.

And then she got all fucking... It's a goddamn shame. Jennifer Connelly's interaction is really hot now, too. What Hollywood does to tits. It's Auschwitz for tits. Put those tits on a train. Unbelievable. You can see the tits in the smokestacks.

All these women, yeah. You just look to the distance and you go, that's buckle fat. Yeah, just milk coming out of a chimney. It's crazy. They all shave their faces down.

They have these nice, ripe, plump, real faces. And then three years later, they have dents in their cheeks they look like the terminator when he loses his skin yeah at the end of the movie and they're anorexic they lose all their curves it's it's really it's horrific i think i think women like if you if if they go through too much emotional trauma you know they kind of end up just wanting to look like the aliens from signs like that's kind of their goal yeah and they kind of end up just wanting to look like the aliens from signs like that's kind of

their goal yeah and they kind of they walk around a bunch of like half empty glasses of water in their home yeah that's all they eat well it's the problem is women are so retarded that they do the comma new point no they do this to this because i don't know any guy who's like, yeah, I love a bony, titless, assless woman. Yeah. And they get this insane ideal in their head and they make themselves unhot.

I think to them it's like a feminist move. Like they've been like, like once they make their money beat, like letting themselves be objectified, then they're like, I'm gonna now, I'm gonna make myself look like a starving person. Yeah.

And go against that it's like the all the young women in like hip sit like like Silver Lake or Bushwick or whatever they all wear like they're in the prime of their youth and they dress like like FDR yeah they have like a wheelchair and like blankets you know like they all look like they're recovering from like a vicious beating yeah they look like they just got rescued from the Bismarck. Yeah. They're shaking, give them a cup of coffee and styrofoam. Yeah, they all look like

Dawn dish soap ducks, like just wrapped in a blanket. If you take them to a TGI Fridays, they might die because they're that cold, naturally. And they waste,

you know, where they look great, just 15 years of wearing like wool coats and blankets and showing nothing. And the anorexia has turned their,

has aged them so quickly they look like liver king by the end of it yeah yeah a hundred years ago by the way if i remember correctly i'm obviously i'm not that old i mean we all know that but like from uh like his if and by the way no one knows anything about history but i'm just saying like there's a twitter account that's like at historical photos and you go sure I know history now that popped up I follow that I'm like a genius I just read a lie they told I know history

yeah 14 year old is running this account at uber facts yeah 14 year olds like the Macedonians actually ate bees and I'm like God I'm so fucking smart but I saw a thing where like like fat people were like worship like a fucking smart. But I saw a thing where like, fat people were worshipped like 100 years ago. I saw that thing in New York City.

If you're fat enough, you got to be in a fat guy club and there were like 12 guys that were overweight. Because it meant you were wealthy and you could eat and shit. So like 100 years ago, if you were fat enough, they're like, you don't have to pay taxes. We love you. You're great. Now it's, it was also a sign of wealth, I'm pretty sure,

just being a fat guy. Yeah, yeah. So now I guess since it's bad to be rich, people want to be skinny to make it look like they're poor? Is that what the conscious thing is? There was a poverty core for sure. Because they call it, don't they call it heroin chic? Heroin chic, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like a little poverty fetish.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're right about that. That's why, you know why Kanye's clothes all look like Post-apocalyptic shirts and shit With rips in them You know, very Not fashionable

But that's fashion now, it's looking like you survived an apocalypse But soon, yeah Things are gonna get so bad that we'll go back to Big fat guys in top hats are cool again Yeah Which I would not mind. I'm just going to get pussy for days. It'll be great.

I'm going to go on a big bulk diet. You're going to buy a little black cane with a white tip? A cane that's way too tiny. When you lean on it, it's very flexible. It bends to the point of breaking, but doesn't. And I walk down the street, I go. And then I see a hot lady and I just whip a quarter at her. Hit her in the stomach.

It would be great if that became in vogue again. And then all of a sudden, all the teens on TikTok are just trying to get fat as shit. They're all whale maxing. Yeah, Nick Acato's on the cover of Maximum Magazine. Just pressing his ass cheeks together like they're tits. The newest trend is being bedridden. Check out the new bed sores on Heidi Klum's granddaughter. And I'm like, this is fucking hot for some reason.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, she's 18 and 500 pounds. She's rotting. Yeah, Kate Mara's daughter sweats a lot. Oh, fuck. Shit. Oh, fuck! Shit! Oh, fuck!

There's villages in Africa where it's still the same thing. Being fat is awesome. The young men will go off, and they'll eat milk and honey for like two months straight, and they'll come back with these big bellies. And all these African women are like, ooh, sexy, sexy baby boy. And then you see these guys with these huge bellies

walking around, but they're new fat, so they look like frogs. They have like long legs and toned arms. And then these ladies are just sucking off, like moving their belly out of the way and just sucking them off. You know what I wonder about Africa, by the way? Because I think about it from time to time.

I bet you do. I bet you do. Sometimes it crosses my mind. Yeah, you think about taking a big ship over there with a lot of room. A big ship. Yeah. How many people could you fit in this ship? Hypothetically speaking.

And he's like 20. What if you stacked them like big Lincoln locks? Probably 80. Okay. Okay. speaking and he's like he's like 20 what if you stack them like big lincoln logs probably 80 okay okay uh i think about africa from time to time i think there's i think you know like those old diagrams of like the brain where they're like here's where guilt is here's jealousy ben's brain would be you in, it's retarded shit in Africa. It's the front half and the back half. What do you think about Africa? Well, sometimes I'm like, I always heard that everybody has HIV, the virus that causes AIDS over there.

Sure. The human immunization virus syndrome. Which we all know is a gay guy disease. But over there, it's a straight guy disease as well right and also a baby disease as well because they get raped yeah because they literally think the witch doctor tells them to get rid of their aids they have to rape a virgin so that's the thing but they've raped every woman in africa so they do this literally i swear to god i swear to god this is africa this is real this is real so in Africa, there's a lot of people. Don't touch my ear. I'm not touching it.

I'm hovering it. I'm hovering. There's a lot of people in Africa who believe if you fuck a virgin, it will get rid of your AIDS. So they get AIDS. And then, hey, we've raped every virgin in Africa. So they'll literally be like a woman will be giving birth. And they're there with like a catcher's mitt. Just like waiting.

And then like babies get raped. And then the babies get AIDS. Jesus Christ. In Africa. Yeah. Wow. I'm pretty sure that's true. I might be doing an Amy Schumer for black people, but I'm pretty sure that's true.

No, that's probably right. I read it in a Chelsea Handler book once. It's real. I read it in Uganda. Be kidding me. Yeah. Yeah. I always wondered.

I'm like, did they solve the AIDS thing over there? Because I never hear about everybody dying of AIDS. Because they're African. They just don't care. They just die constantly and no one cares. They imagine. You could sponsor them or something. They do, but it's not the news.

Who gives a shit? So nobody is working on shipping a pill over there? Bono didn't cure that or anything? Because I heard Bono cured it, but I'm like, did he? It's actually a sterilization pill, secretly. Bono didn't cure that or anything. Because I heard Bono cured it, but I'm like, did he? No. It's actually a sterilization pill, secretly. Oh, really? You take it and your nuts fall off.

Wait, really? So it's a eugenics thing? No. No, he's joking. It's giving me a bust through the door. He's like, I think that's a great idea. How much money would it take? Starts throwing wads of cash at me.

Dude, not to get off Africa. Not to get off Africa. But I did because Anthony had that heart attack. I was waiting for him to pull through. He's still in the hospital. I kept checking his Twitter account. Well, I know he's healthy again because he started being really racist on Twitter. He's back to full strength.

I checked his Twitter. The first three tweets full strength. I literally saw. It's Vim and Vigor. I checked his Twitter. The first three tweets are like, I mean, look at him. He's just talking about his nurse. You're doing the father, the son, and the whole spirit. I'm like, he's going to pull through, guys. He's going to be all right. He's going to be all right.

Yeah. He's going to be fine. Clear. No, but I mean, AIDS has killed 30 million people i think worldwide damn wow yeah so did did bono do anything to help cure that because remember back in the day the ipods were red and we were told if we bought a red ipod yeah like a kid wouldn't get it or like a box of water at starbucks something like that was a thing too for every red ipod they give a african kid u2's new album yeah they give them a vinyl

that they can play on a coconut yeah no i think they made a pill that basically like if you get aids it's not a big deal it's not as bad yeah it's not as bad yeah but do they get the pill do they get the pill no no no no no no that goes right to elon musk's family in the 1990s fair enough no they've done a lot of work but still like people are just getting just massacred by AIDS in Africa yeah

well it's a liberal place yeah it is it's like I call it the San Francisco of the very free of the southern continents they're very free over there

yeah a bunch of hippies in Africa Africans I'd love to live in senegal i think that's the one on the very west my friend is is senegalese and he visits sometimes senegalese nice senegalese yeah i had a senegalese uber driver once he was very nice and he taught me all about it they're like did he tell you that or did you just guess by the shape of his head i put a gun to his head and i was like tell me me where you're from right now or I'm calling ICE.

And he goes, I'm from Flint. He goes, no, tell me. I'm from Senegal. He starts faking it. He's like, I'm from Senegal, man. You're like, I knew it. I fucking knew it. What part of Chicago is that? He's like, my friend, I'm from Senegal. And I'm like, what is that, Chirac?

What is that, a cab company? Serge Ibaka is from Senegal, right? I think so. Yeah. One of those places. They're big fishing. It's a beachy. Yeah.

He showed me photos of it. I was like, oh, this is prettier than anywhere in the United States. No, I know. We have, yeah. Anytime anyone tells me they're from Africa, I'm like, so do you have all your limbs? Yeah. I just assume it's nonstop bloodbath. No, I literally, in my head, I'm like, so do you have all your limbs? Yeah. I just assume it's nonstop bloodbath. No, I literally in my head, I'm like, did you ride a big banana here?

Yeah. How did you make it? How did it happen? My wife went to Kenya once and she said that she saw like a bunch of like African babies. They were like pushing trash together in the street and then climbing up on top of the trash and sleeping on it the way way a bird would make a nest. And that's how they went to bed. God.

Well, at least they were all raped and given AIDS. All wells that ends well, folks. And that's all, folks! From the river to the sea! Africans have HIV! Yeah, Brett Gelman, everybody's trying to the sea. Africans have HIV.

Yeah, Brett Gelman, everybody's trying to kill you. That's why they give you two seasons of a show on Adult Swim. Because everybody wants to literally kill you. The people who are in danger are rich Jewish people who live in L.A., New York, and Miami Beach. Yep. Yeah. Those are the people in trouble, Not fucking brown people in refugee camps. Fine.

But by the way, they found one anti like hardcore openly anti-Semitic guy. Mm hmm. Chinese guy. Chinese guy who was on the campus of some university I saw. And they like Brett. Well, people keep tearing down those kidnapped like missing flyers. Yeah. Which is propaganda, though,

because who the fuck... I mean, I'm walking around LA. Am I supposed to go find the hostages? Like, what? They're not here. I'm like, I'll check West Hollywood. You take that down. Yeah, exactly.

I'm like, oh, there's a hummus camp outside the Hollywood sign. I'll check it out. Yeah, I mean, it is extremely retarded. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but again, I don't know why everybody thinks that there's parades of people saying we should kill Jewish people.

You can't legally say that publicly. Yeah. But I thought that was like, I thought everybody knew that. I thought everybody, every, anytime some guy gets a little too rambunctious on Facebook and says he wants to kill the president, immediately like a SWAT team busts down their door. You can't say, you can't say I want to kill people. team busts down their door. You can't say, you can't say, I want to kill people, I'm going to kill them.

You can't incite violence. I thought we learned this in fourth grade. It's also so funny. There's like 40 million people that think there's people chanting, we're going to kill Jews. I mean, everything ended. We learned that in fourth grade.

The president just goes, or Trump used to just go on stage and be like, she's got great tits and I'll fuck you. I'll cut her fucking head off. Dignity's over. What do they teach in school? We're living in the echoes of a dying animal.

They teach you how to reload in school. There's no books. No, we live in a whale fall at the bottom of the ocean we're all crabs picking whale meat off a carcass that's our existence so who gives a shit don't they teach you that in school god bless yeah i mean i also love all the stories being made up where it's like some you know guy who works at like harvard school of like having money without working like harvard school of like uh infractions for renters yeah and he's like he's

tweeting he's like they put a baby in a cannon and they shot it at a big safe and the safe fell on its head and it squished like an accordion and then it went up and down like it's it's insane it's a guy at a carnival writing a review yeah Yeah. They put a baby in an oven. I'm like, I don't give a... Did they also... Yeah. They're going to start posting videos of scenes from Trainspotting where they're like, they made the Israeli babies crawl on the ceiling. They put little suction cups on their hands and they're walking on the ceiling.

Yeah. They're going to start tweeting the nightmare sequence from Dumbo and they're like, this is what's happening in Israel. Wait, from what? The nightmare from Dumbo. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the big pink elephants walking around. They're like, this is what's happening to Jews right now.

Isn't it when he gets really drunk in Dumbo? I don't know. I think they make the baby get fucked up on booze. The only part I watched was the crows. I haven't watched the rest of the movie. Have you seen the crows in Dumbo recently? I have not seen it. I just got the Criterion channel, but I haven't rewatched Dumbo yet.

It's pretty great. They really are going for it with the crows. Are you talking about the new one or the old one? No, the old one. I didn't know there was a new one. I think they remade it. They made a live. Tim Burden, I think, directed the live action Dumbo.

Okay. It was like a spooky dumbo they're like what if dumbo was fucked up and shopped at hot topic i think the i think the old dumbo like the crows are really racist and they get the little baby drunk it's like a really fucked up movie no the crows have like they have like little chewed on cigars and like straw hats and they're like i don't know nothing about raising no baby elephants i swear to god they talk like that yeah i imagine i vaguely remember that as a kid yeah when i was four i go that's racist you know you stood up hey in your diaper you're like

right i care about this now in 20 years when people are gay about it, I'll actually defend it. Because I have opposition to defend it. Yeah. I think I wonder if Brett is Brett Gellman going to go viral every day until the war is over. I think he's going to. I think he might somehow Ruby Ridge himself. Lock himself in his mansion with a fucking AR-15 kill his dog i love like obviously it's very sad that everybody's but it's amazing i love that amy schumer has snapped complete they're in total refueling schumer is is like yeah like the godfather car scene she's just getting machine

gun shot every day yeah yeah dude for month, she's just been shaking like this. Just getting riddled with holes. Every day she wakes up and she's like, time to get fucking dunked on. And everybody's like, and this has nothing to do with you being Jewish, by the way. And they just open fire. They're like, I would have done this quicker if you weren't Jewish, by the way. I want the internet to treat me like Bonnie and Clyde every day. I know.

I mean, that's why I respect her. Like, literally tweeting a Martin Luther King thing, getting owned. Yeah. Getting dunked on by Bernice King and being like, I'm leaving it up. I don't give a shit. I mean, such an ego. Yeah. Such arrogance.

It's kind of annoying me, though, that it took this for for certain people to say she sucks like she's she we should have hated her for like just right her for being a woman yeah exactly yeah for being an ugly woman who's unfunny who's very bad which is why i dislike her yes yeah first and foremost has nothing to do with her being Jewish. Yeah, it's great to be justified. Sarah Silverman getting dunked on and shit. Oh, yeah. It's been fantastic. Yeah. I really have.

I will say the whole, you know, the military industrial complex is bad. I hate that all of our tax dollars are killing, you know, 8,000 plus innocent people at this time. Sure. It's been really great to see them in like a vertigo style free fall like a hitch they're in a hitchcockian thing to ping pong from BLM to

like you know fucking kill BLM in the Middle East has been pretty good yeah I like them when they're fully black not kind of toasty I don't like that toasty they're not fully cooked those toasty ones can die yeah Jimmy Kimmelels on late night

crying every day they won't let him bob the kids they don't want him to bob kids he's weeping he's crying he's crying dude it's it's uh it's such faggotry it really sucks dude i mean fucking fucking biden won't call for a ceasefire not to be gay but i won't call for a ceasefire but then they announced their solutions they're like we've set up a task force to battle islamophobia in the united states it's like oh so the typical thing of like you have blood in your hands and you're wiping it off with a gay pride flag yeah you know something that means nothing at all yeah but you can use it to wipe all this fucking blood off your hands. You know how fucked up you gotta be for me to give a shit about Muslims? I know.

I know. Give a shit about you weirdos. I know. Chop clits off. Shitty religion full of hate. And I'm still like, hey, enough. Let him be. Yeah. and i'm still like hey enough yeah because i'll post something on instagram and like a muslim comical message me i'd be like not you fuck you i go ah you should have died yeah no it's great i

mean islam's retarded too i just it's it's you know yeah But it's just it's for me. The thing that always drives me crazy is just people like just claiming reality isn't reality. So I go hard. Oh, D.D. I just go hard the other way. So now you're going to have a tough time in the future. Just letting you know. I mean, listen, we all are because we're dying. The country is dying.

Yeah, it's over. Yeah, it's fucking over, dude. We're finished. Yeah. Well, let's let's hope your daughter's gonna be wearing like robot boots and flying around with a shotgun arm one day that's fine as long as as long as she she dates within her own race as long as she which will be black yeah brings a white boy home and you're like honey this is not what we we do kwanzaa for

dude it would rule if you had a black baby and like became really militant all of a sudden you and the sheikies doing the podcast calling us like brother devin and brother jace let's just hope i mean because israel is not going to stop until like you know they're all dead i think it's like 10 million people live over there and it's like more concentrated than new y're all dead. I think it's like 10 million people live over there, and it's more concentrated than New York City or something. I think it's 2 million. 2 million, I'm sorry.

Half the population is under 16 years old, I think. They've already killed 4,000 children. They're not going to stop until they're all dead, and we're not going to do anything about it. But let's hope once they're done with them, they just start working on Armenians. I'm like, if you guys are gonna keep doing that i've actually got some great news for you the armenians are also about to get genocide oh are

they really azerbaijan it's like real close yeah azerbaijan is like pulling back a big trebuchet this is terrific news there has been an uptick in mercedes Glendale lately. So I think they've... They're buying cars in self-defense. The rest of them are coming over. For self-defense, they're buying cars. They've been scamming a lot of dealerships lately. Yeah, there's helicopters in Armenia dropping Mercedes like Dumbo dropped.

So they're about to get genocided for real? Yeah, probably. They're close. You guys know I don't know anything about geopolitics. What is Azerbaijan? Azerbaijan. What is that? Listen, I don't know.

I think it's Armenia. Yeah. To me, it barely exists. It sounds like a sauce with dill in it. You know when people have ranch and mayonnaise and they put dill in it and they act like they made a sauce? You didn't. Fuck you.

You put dill in it. I know. I hate those people. Not as much as Armenmenians though yeah azerbaijan does sound like a magician you see a sign for in the vegas trip like tonight it sounds like a magician with a with a lion um yeah but it's a country next to armenia and they're they're basically they're itching to like that's where a lot of uh yeah kill armen Now, why would they want to go and do that to those nice people? Why are they about to...

They're just, I think, caught in the crossfire, I think. Crossfire of what? Of the genocide. I don't know, man. You know, fucking... I didn't even know there was that many Armenians left in Armenia. I thought they literally were all in Glendale. Yeah, me too. I don't know man you know fucking I didn't even know there was that many Armenians left in Armenia

I thought they literally were all in like Glendale yeah me too that's why Azerbaijan's invading to get a cheesecake factory that's their number one goal like we must find

this menu they talk about and then they yeah every year they like when the the Turkish genocide day comes up

Armenians like they shut down like like the streets and with traffic and stuff and they just they yell they go we all got killed yeah they go we lost we got our shit beat they wave flags they will never forget it was got killed turkey genocide like really owned them turkey really went to town turkey went to town imagine like getting pants in front of a girl that you like had a crush on in high school and then like every year like clockwork

on that day you like march in the street. You're like one time a guy called me a fag and pantsed me and everybody saw my weenie. I literally used to. I love Armenian people. I had a bunch of Armenian friends. But we had you know in school and shit, we'd be like, why are you guys so fucking annoying once a year?

Like, why do you guys do this shit? And I used to, some of the jokes we'd make would be like, ooh, we all got killed. Yay. Yay. That's so funny. Yeah. I guess Texas does that, too, because they remember the alamo for some reason which is the time they got owned the hardest we got our ass beat by mexicans yeah

yeah it's like every 9-11 we were in the streets like i mean we kind of started doing that of us yeah every 9-11 people are just like you know just posting good times comeate good times, come on. Yeah. I do kind of love that we have no respect for 9-11 anymore. Yeah, that was easy. Yeah. Speaking of which, I mean, George Bush throwing out that first pitch ball,

like while the bombs were dropping. I was just like, God, it just. It made you feel like we were going to be okay. He threw it out again lately and he lost his... No, that's what I was talking about. Oh, the new one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, George Bush just threw out...

Like, it's clearly in support of like... Oh, okay. Remember when we bombed Browns and we all like, you know, were brought together by that? Yeah, it is. It's a... Time is a flat circle. Yeah, it's a rerun. They should just start calling Israel the 51st state of the United States.

That's how people view it. Why not? You know, I mean, yeah, at this point. It's hummus Hawaii. Yeah. It's Hawaii for pedophiles. Isn't Alan Dershowitz in the news? Like, isn't he?

I mean, Dershowitz is about to dress up like he's doing a crusade and like go over there. He's about to have a sword and like be in the Knights Templar and shit. I mean, Dershowitz sucks ass. I mean, everybody sucks ass. Yeah. Jim Gaffigan tweeted some gay shit the other day. I used to love you, dude. Yeah.

He's getting like fake involved with politics and he knows now it's like, just get back to the hot pockets. Do the hot pockets bit and cheat on your wife and pretend you're Catholic. It's like, just get back to the Hot Pockets. Do the Hot Pockets bit and cheat on your wife and pretend you're Catholic. You could be in Walmart commercials and be like, you know, some guy who understands geopolitical things. Yeah, listen, I get it. He's like, I got to be in another shitty indie movie in two years.

I got to grease the palms. I don't know what's going on. You guys know that about me. Sure. I've been watching memes Elon's posting and also the video of that Irish guy getting fucked by the horse. Oh yeah. Which was actually a pony. I sent it to a friend and he was like bullshit.

He goes this is a fucking pony. Everybody's calling it a horse. Mr. Balloon Hands actually got fucked by a horse and died. So you can't like you're like stealing valor. Like it's a punk rock. He's like dude fucking no fx is for gays dude it's so funny that that's like somewhere in the world that back and forth is happening wall like like if you're in the middle of of what's going on and then you you

just think but somewhere some guy is just yelling at his friend about a horse fucking video no there's two guys about to get in a fistfight at a buffalo wild wings because like he mr blue hands like actually fuck the horse you fucking asshole you can't take that away from him yeah and if you bring up like palestine they think it's just some jewish guy yeah i think his name is pal in stein that is funny though when moments like that do make you a revolutionary because you might be the only person on the planet doing that at that moment. That is kind of interesting. You ever think about that? Yeah, I do think about that a lot.

I used to make a joke with my friend where one time we were horribly depressed and we were sitting alone at like 3 a.m. And he put on a DVD of Fever Pitch, this shitty movie with Drew Barrymore. Oh, yeah. Jimmy Fallon. I've sadly seen it, yeah. Ashton Kutcher? No, no, Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore.

It sucks ass. Yeah. They ruined the Red Sox First World Series shooting the movie. Yeah. Remember, the Red Sox won their First World Series and then they're like, and here's these two gay retards

and they were dancing on the field shooting a scene from their shitty movie. Yeah, but I remember I told him, I go, put on the field, shooting a scene from their shitty movie. Yeah, but I remember I told him, I go, put on the bonus features. And then I said, you realize what we just did, right? I go, we're the first people on earth to ever watch this movie

with the audio commentary on. Or like the behind the scenes. That's amazing. I go, you could make a, you could be, you could revolution, like you could be a pioneer every day if you want. You could go out right now, buy a DVD of Larry Crown,

and be the first person ever to watch. Is that the Tom Hanks moped movie? Yeah, he's in community college with Julia Roberts, and I don't know. And you could be the first person ever to touch the bonus features. Of Larry. Of Larry Crown. You click on bonus features for the Larry Crown DVD and like a big a work goes off. And the authorities are dispatched to your house. You win millions of dollars.

Like we were waiting. The behind the scenes commentary could of Larry Crown could be Tom Hanks just describing the sex trafficking ring he's been running in Hollywood for 30 years. And he's like, I'm confessing all this because no one will ever hear this. And my therapist said this would be really good for me. He's like, I've been doing it all with Steven Spielberg and we killed that motherfucker. You know the one I'm talking about

with the card and everything. What was that guy's name? The guy who was friends with Seth Green. You guys know who I'm talking about in the comments section. But anyway. But he probably does fuck kids and so does Steven Spielberg

and there's nothing to do about it. But they gave us great movies so who cares? My favorite rumor about Steven Spielberg fucking kids was somebody said

at his lot in like DreamWorks or whatever where he worked there was a shoot with a motorcycle in it that he could I read this too

yeah once like once the day the authorities like come for him he can like get in the shoot and like it'll throw him out with a motorcycle like he's tom cruise and just like rev away doesn't he always keep the motorcycle running or something and it's right outside of his office but he doesn't he's never he's never used it yeah that's what they. And it's like specifically hidden in like a back chute that like leads out into an alley somewhere. People like the day they come for Steven. That's when he gets the chute motorcycle, man. Like he wouldn't slam it.

Well, that's why the DreamWorks thing is a little kid on the moon because they were they're going to start moving the kids to the moon to fuck them. No cops up there. Mm hmm. That'll be that'll be Israel, too. kids to the moon to fuck them no cops up there that'll be that'll be israel too it's the moon they'll build a new israel on the moon and they'll actually ship palestinians up there to bomb yeah they could kill two birds upon stone because it's just a big bank it would be funny if like you know like they're like they they like kill everybody in palestine

and then like every time the moon is a crescent moon they're all just firing at it they're like they they like kill everybody in palestine and then like every time the moon is a crescent moon they're all just firing at it they're just shooting into the sky they blow up the moon yeah when it when it's a waxing gibbous or waning whatever the fuck waning crescent it's funny if they just blow up all of palestine and then just turn it into like a kava what's a kava it's like a middle eastern chipotle oh that sounds good actually it's a decent place it's not bad i take them for everything they turn they turn it into a new city walk yeah palestine there's a boca de beppo exactly it's a new universal studios there's a wood ranch yeah we're like dude you want to go to the wood ranch in palestine

i ate wood ranch last week it's very good it's it's not bad it's it's a little too sweet for me all right fuck off with you with you no sweet i hate sweet beans it's barbecue sweet beans suck ass i go barbecue sauce can be too i go there feel shitty. If I eat barbecue and my knees don't hurt when I leave, I'm not paying. I get it. You go to barbecue because you want to combine candy and meat. Yeah. Yeah. Like stick a Jolly Rancher in like a pork butt.

Yeah. And have me eat it. Honestly, if they sold just like beef ribs at 7-Eleven, like a pickle, I would get them all the time. In a plastic wrap. Plastic wrap. Turning on the roller thing. Yeah, turning on the roller. Get them all the time. And a plastic wrap that you... Plastic wrap. Turning on the roller thing. Yeah, turning on the roller thing.

Get them all the time. With the sauce getting fucking everywhere. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, that would rule, dude. If, like, that fat Korean guy I played golf with, like, what he said, like, fuck the motherfucker.

Flatten the motherfucker. Mm-hmm. If they actually end up doing that to Palestine, but then they make it, like, really nice, and then, like, you go... nice. In 10 years, you'll visit and you'll be walking around and you're like, they kind of did a... I mean, it looks pretty good. They got a trolley.

You'd be like, man, they got a Lids. Get me a Marlins hat. They can start from scratch. They can make it look like Japan over there. They got bullet trains. They got suck-me-off bars. Well, if we've learned anything from human history, it's that we will move on very quickly. Oh, shockingly quickly. I don't know how Japanese people or Vietnamese people like even look at me in the eye.

Like how do they, why do they let me order? They should like stab me. I kind of feel the same way. Every time I order pho, I'm like, hey, once again, I don't know why you're okay with this. Why is there not ricin in this I don't get it stick up for yourself Jesus Christ kill me kill me damn it

yeah they're just beta countries though yeah no I mean we got over it the second it started happening you know we never even had to get over it get over what like bombing Palestine yeah so it's comforting to most people yeah it is it reminds over what like the like bombing palestine yeah yeah so it's comforting to most people yeah it is it reminds us of like oh yeah i mean things were getting weird we need bombs

yeah they're like oh yeah it was getting expensive all right good yeah gas went down a little bit that's really all that matters i wouldn't even really hate by the way if uh arabs started like killing everybody over here it'd be kind of nice to have a war in the street. Yeah. To explain why everything... When people were like, 405's backed up. I'm like, yeah, because of the Arabs. Obviously, because of the war on our soil.

Yeah. It's not because the infrastructure here, everything is bad and fucked up. Yeah. It's because someone fired a rocket launcher into a Prius. Yeah, you'd be like, yeah, a house should cost $600,000. The Ayatollah just blew up a bank in West Hollywood. I get it.

I get it. Things would make sense. Of course, groceries are expensive. 9,000 people died to get this milk here. Yogurt should cost $30. There's a crater out in front of the Ralphs. It should cost this. You're saying that in the Ralphs parking lot to a homeless guy?

Yeah. And he kills you? Yeah, homeless guy with a fucking loading a launcher with a rocket to shoot at me. Well, I think we... Look, we're not a political show. Everybody knows that. We have nothing to apologize for. Everything's supposed to be funny.

We don't know what's going on. It's all Looney Tunes jokes. And if anything, we're just mad at gay ass politicians. That's the reason we say the things we do. I'm ultimately happy about all this because Amy Schumer is in free fall. Yeah. And so is Brett Gellman. Yeah.

And Sarah Silverman. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And it'll help Trump win the next election. So we should all be thankful. We're all thankful. Yeah.

You know, I called my, there was a problem with my DWP bill, and I called, and all three of them picked up the other day. Patreon.com slash Limit Party for bonus episodes every week. And then live streams on the Limit Party Clips channel every Wednesday at 4 p.m pacific standard time don't forget the merch store we're leaving it open until november the 14th and then we're

gonna close it okay i got it november 14th november 14th i'm going to order the shirts we're gonna get them back from the printer as soon as we do we're shipping all of them yeah and that's lemon party dot life to buy this round of merch. LemonParty.life slash merch. All those designs are going to be gone, and then we'll do more later. Yep. And, oh, we posted some golf matches on the Patreon a while ago, so go check those out if you didn't see them. We also post – for audio listeners, we post golf matches on the YouTube. We do, like, maybe one or two a month.

So you can check those out. And we're shooting a sketch on Wednesday so that should be fun yeah yeah we haven't like written the full thing yet no but we have it anyway

Devin at Hatewatchpod Jace at Sad Drawings by Jace and we'll see you guys next week a lot of Ackbar retards a lot of Ackbar retards