lemonparty - 056: Will Smith Unmasked

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

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Chicken Wings I'm on the light wheel Always in my face Talking, listening Girl, I had the recipe But it can't be You're back Ha ha, that get a fuck Are we on that? Yeah, oh yeah We're doing the olive oil guy again? No, no, no

This was just from the Oh, right Last time we were You watch this to prepare yourself for recording. Ben watches, Ben's in the, watching game tape like Tom Brady, but it's just fat retards

with the pennies slowing down. He goes, look how the olive oil falls on his tits right there. Drop on the tit. Okay, what is this? Listen to this. By the way, Ben said he's got something to surprise us with. Downstairs, he said that. So we don't know what this is going to be.

Jada was the woman that everybody wanted. And Will needed that validation to have that type of woman. You saw her saying that Will Smith had a small dick? I am saying to you, if a woman is used to something the size of a baby leg, and you come in with a pinky toe, there's nothing you can do to please her. Oh, by the way, this is Will Smith's former best friend and assistant. Really? Are you serious?

Yes, I swear to God. His name is like Bilal something. He looks like Sean Kingston now. Get her 80 private jets. If she's itching for that baby leg, she want that baby leg. You can beat a person so much that they fall into submission. So I open the door to Dwayne's restaurant,

and that's when I see Dwayne and having anal sex with Will. Wait, is he talking about Dwayne Wade? I have no idea. It's about Dwayne Wade? I have no idea. It's probably Dwayne Wade. He's just talking about a good old boy named Dwayne. It has to be, right? From Harrell County, Texas.

Man, I believe it. Will Smith seems gay, kind of. Yeah. There was a couch and Will was bent over on the couch and Dwayne was standing up, killing him. Murder. Killing him. Murder. It was murder up killing him. Murder. Killing him. Murder. It was murder.

Never lost. Like, look at how sad she is. Cause he's gay. I bet he's gay. He's gay. I know, it's like she just learned

some great tragedy. Oh my God. She can't do, she like, once she goes to speak and then she's like, I can't. I can't.

I just can't even. It's the look actresses have when the Marine shows up at the door and takes his hat off. Yeah. To let him know that her baby died in the war. Yeah, they go, ma'am, the president has granted me the authority to tell you Will Smith is gay. And she goes, no! I don't know, how did he say he was having gay sex again? He was all up in that, killing that shit.

He goes, imagine the gayest sex you've ever heard of in your life. And it was like two times that. Will was bent over on the couch and Dwayne was standing up, killing him. Killing him. Murder. It honestly feels like they consider gay sex to be like a murder. Like ass bad. They're kind of talking that way.

It was like a drive-by with a dick. If you think about it. Killing him. Murder him. Murder him. It was some thug shit. Is there any more on this? Let's see here.

His name is Brother Balal. Brother Balal. I mean, I'll look. A guy named Dwayne Martin was having anal sex with him. Yeah, the most trustworthy guy in the world. Who's Dwayne Martin? That anal sex with him. Yeah, the most trustworthy guy in the world. Who's Dwayne Martin? That sounds like a singer from the 70s. Yeah, Dwayne Martin.

I'm going to have to look him up, huh? Yeah. Brother Balal. Brother Balal. I mean, listen, if you're with... Jada Pinkett Smith has done a number on Will Smith. So, you know, it makes sense to me. She cucked him so much, he just let guys put it in his ass huh

yeah yeah he's he he's a broken man he's a completely broken man she talks about wanting to fuck tupac all the time oh how much better tupac she just yeah she just tweeted like a picture of her like tupac dancing like in the 90s did she fuck tupac yeah she's she's the day they used to date tupac which is funny because they looked like they were the same person having sex with each other. How did they break up? She shot him to death. They were really

great friends and I'm sure they fucked, but they weren't together. I'm not really sure who Dwayne Martin is, but he's a black guy. He looks like a good looking black guy and if I was a betting man, which I am, I would bet he put his cock deep

within the bowels of Will Smith. I believe it's true, Benjamin. Your Honor. Brother Benjamin. He murdered him. He killed him. You're murdering that ass. Your Honor, it was really gay. We talking back shots. We talking back shots. Front shots. Shots from back shots. Front shots.

Shots from the side. Man, I wish there was more on this guy. That is, yeah, the black people think being gay is like murder. They call it literally shots. Shots. Yeah. Back shots. There's got to be like a full interview, right?

Ooh, here we go. And Will needed that validation to have that type of woman. Look at Jada real quick. I mean, she looks like she fucks like people with tentacles there's just something very they're both so a i mean he they're alien they're like in scientology kind of jada pigas was just keeps the just right her hair at all times i don't know she wears like she looks like she wears turtlenecks and that she just is like does has like star trek sex yeah she does like weird real sex sex like from like that 90s documentary yeah right you know right yeah it's like old guys like

old sinewy guys fucking and like throwing wax on each other and they're like oh yeah yeah like eyes wide shut sex yeah like there's guys like as she fucks august alcina or whatever that guy's name was. I actually, I don't trust hot ladies that have short hair. They're too powerful. No, it's like, just be a dyke already. What are you with me for?

Just be gay. Because Shada Pinkett Smith really wants to be in a lesbian relationship. One of those lesbian relationships where it really looks like they're having a great time in public but you know when they get home, it's like Raging Bull. Which statistically is about 60% of them. A lot of them, dude. They're like cops.

They beat the fuck out of each other. Killing them. Murdering them. They're like, did you leave my dildo on all night? You fucking bitch. You fucking cocksucking fuck. You fucking mutt. You fuck my sister?

Yeah. You fuck my sister? You're going to be pretty violent every night in the bedroom. You're basically playing joust. You're attaching this huge microplastic rod. It looks like the thing that when you run on a horse at another person with a horse. A javelin.

A javelin, yeah. What is it called? Javelin. Javelin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they're doing at each other's pussies every night. They get on horseback and they're like whipping the horse and just running

to the middle of the bedroom with their holes. They put two strap-ons on and they both get on Sibians and let it vibrate towards each other. It is sad. It is sad. Because you know the people you left had dicks. Yeahicks They had the real ones That's right

Boy You saw her say I still love Brother Bowles It's so great that he had a small dick And he's gay You're telling me he had a small dick Not only that He liked to get fucked in the ass

By black guys which is much worse much worse yeah because i'm much worse i actually hate us he's like that's why i put on a shirt that looks like you put it over a throw pillow to do this podcast uh dressed like cliff booth yeah i love I love Brother Bull I'll just imagine him that morning be like alright what shirt should I wear to say Will had a small dick and got fucked in the ass I'm gonna wear my shitty motel bedspread shirt

yeah driving to like some like Westlake comedy club podcast studio to be like oh is this is this a chair where I can talk about Will Smith's tiny dick and get him fucked in the ass real hard by the way anybody who thinks you've already watched this episode before, that's the one about Obama having gay black sex. Dude.

This is the one about Will Smith having gay black sex. Imagine Obama. I'm going to start a conspiracy that Obama and Will Smith used to fuck each other. I think that would be pretty cool. I could actually buy that. I bet it happened. If Will was getting killed from behind.

Murdering him. Obama was flying drones up his ass. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. I hate gay people. Killing him. They knew they probably been there after myself, right?

They will make you. Wait, I don't know what he's talking about. Hold on. Somebody told me I made. Okay, so let me. This is a different cut up. Why is she so upset? He goes, I'm saying to you, Will Smith was just in the cheeks.

Small ass dick. Little itty bitty dick. Little itty bitty. Will used to rub his dick against the click because he couldn't even get it in all the way. She's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me the Fresh Prince did he jack off with one finger and a thumb? He's like, that's what I'm telling you, sister.

Good sister girl. He wanted to be gay. He couldn't even dock. Brother Belif. He used to pretend a man's urethra was a pussy and his penis was so small. He'd fuck the penis hole and pretend the shit was a pussy. Brother Bilal. Don't tell me he was too small to dock with another gay brother.

Brother Bilal. Brother Bilal. Yeah, like they're in fucking Muslim church. He looks like he rides horses through Ross. Okay, let's see what else he's saying in this. This is a different clip here. To something the size of a baby leg, and you come in with a pinky toe,

there's nothing you can do to please her. You can buy her 80 cards. You can get her 80... So this part we heard. She's itching for that baby leg. She'll never be pleased because she couldn't be with Tupac, like the most influential dude ever.

Because that's like, yeah, it's like a Bob marley or an elvis presley yeah and to you know i mean the only bullet tupac ever dodged was her very good right folks if you wrote that down and handed it to bill mars his head would explode i also love brother belil i love he's got that like kind of dj academic type vibe like the black incel podcaster type thing yeah yeah yeah where they just talk about their like personally having a big dick and fucking wet pussy is cool yeah and it's like if you like have you ever had sex one yes the guys that talk about like yeah they they sleep on like a race car bed yeah yeah like dj

academics literally like will tweet he's like he's man, fucking Miley Cyrus, that new post. I'm going to beat off to that for weeks. Definitely being in the vicinity of Will Smith. This guy's got pussy, but you can tell his dick looks like a turnip. It's very fat and pointy and wispy at the end. Yeah. He got pussy how homeless people get food from grocery stores. Just hanging out behind it. Yeah. Just hanging out behind it.

Yeah, just hanging out behind it. And then Will Smith comes and dumps a pussy in a trash can. He's like, Hey! Hey! You also know, because his dick sucks, he's the guy who thinks

he got really good at eating box. Yeah. And he kind of is just average at it. Right. He thinks he got really good at eating box. Yeah. And he kind of is just average at it. Right. You could tell with the mustache and everything. He thinks when he gets down there and he's spreading the lips open and doing whatever those types of dudes do. Oh, he tells you how to eat

pussy like he's telling you how to shuck an oyster. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You gotta put some horse radish on it.ish on the family tradition it's like what i like to do is get a tiny little bottle of tabasco sauce and a cracker i put it on there and i just i put it on with a little spoon yeah the guys who like they're like let me tell you let brother believe tell you how to eat some good ass pussy here's how you do it and they give you the worst advice like you go in and you get your fingers and you spread it as hard as you fucking can.

You just stretch that pussy out till it's crying. And then you just start spitting at it. All right, so he says, we'll spit at the small pussy, fucks guys in the ass. Much that they fall into submission. And who needs enemies when they got friends like you? Oh, I could tell you what goes on and on the inside everybody else is just speculation somebody told me i made my pictures in the book you know yeah your pictures

in the book and your name is in the book so i'm just like you're doing some real what a scumbag dude i love that what does will ever do this guy yeah like a legitimate actual piece of shit fucking asshole this guy is yeah i'm sure gave him like some 80 grand a year job to just do fuck all. Yeah. Some loser he knew back from Philadelphia. He looks like he does podcasts just to finally drink water. Yeah, he shows up. He's like, so the hot meal, we have the hot meal ready.

You thought I was promised? This is what Jada makes the new people do. And I ain't going to say new. They probably been there after myself, right? They will make you check into a rehab. And they'll pay for the rehab. Even though you're not on drugs, they're going to pay for the rehab. And you have to go if you want to work with them.

And then I've solved such a problem. What is the rehab? Like gay conversion therapy? I have no idea. He says even if you're not on drugs, you still have to go to rehab. So I guess they're paranoid about people working for them being users for some reason.

Honestly, it's probably some weird controlling Scientology bullshit. You can't let demon-possessed people who are ruled by that thing in outer space come into our home yeah whatever that thing's called because they are scientists right cthulhu yeah they're like if cthulhu is ruling anybody we can't let them in our home it's probably something like that so they have to go be

cleansed or some bullshit right even though elron hubbard was like on more methamphetamines than adolf hitler yeah no i mean yeah will smith goes to like the the therapy from bowfinger and puts a big triangle on his head and they go do not show your winky to the laker girls that i when i walked in who'd you walk in him i meant dwayne martin dwayne martin just naming names she's like I mean look at that reaction She's like you talking about two black men having sex Fuck God damn it And weight gain So three minutes later

Wait wait did he call him fat? He said weight gain? You gotta go back a little bit Okay Hollywood is the hurry up and weight gain wait game wait minutes later after them telling me hey you got eyes on will you got we we need him to come watch this so i'm running all over the the studio he's not in his dressing room i go to the cafeteria i'm like but i see his car there i'm like where's this guy he was sucking off vetoadafore. Outside a construction site in New Jersey.

Sweet. Will had these no-show jobs. And he offered me Mets tickets when I walked out of the porta potty. And I knew if I showed up, he'd either kill me or suck me off. And I don't know which is worse. Because I fucking hate gay people. I'm in Dwayne down, too. So I have the keys to his dressing room. So I'm like, yo. And they're calling my. I'm in Dwayne down too, so I have the keys to his dressing room.

So I'm like, yo, and they're calling my, I'm on walkie-talkie, and they're calling my cell phone. Yo, we need to get Will here. And I'm like, yo, kind of fucked down. Like, I'm trying to find his... I mean, this does sound kind of a fake story. He's like, they walkie-talkie me, and I was responding, and then they called me on my cell phone

at the same time. So we're on the set of i am legend and we'll start trying to rewrite the script right there that all the little things that live in the dark the zombie motherfuckers they're gay and they're gonna come out and he the only way he finds out he can defeat him is by sucking all they did he goes he goes he goes get this brother leticia or sister leticia he goes get this, Brother Letitia. Or Sister Letitia. He goes, get this. Will Smith loved Moonlight. It made him cry.

Sister Letitia, we were on the set of The Pursuit of Happiness. And Will turned to me and said, what if I fuck that little boy? And I go, that little boy is your son. he wanted to change the title of that movie to the pursuit of gay sex with black men yeah he originally Wild Wild West was going to be called Wild Wild Sex

and the end of it was going to be a giant robotic penis that was going to fuck wheel to death and I said Sister Juana man I said to him, I said, that is gay as hell. He wanted to rename the pursuit of happiness to the pursuit of bussiness.

Oh, man. Let's see what else this guy has to say. Why you think they call him a fresh prince? Unlike him, right? So, alright, I open the door to Dwayne's dressing room and that's when I see Dwayne

having anal sex with Will. Process that. So black women hate gay sex more than anybody on the planet, right? She's about to vomit red wine all over the table. It's 11 a.m. wherever the hell they're recording. She's like, hold on, hold on. I need

a blunt and a mood real quick. He's like, he was trying to make Independence gay. I swear to God. I swear to God. He said, it's Independence gay, and he says, welcome to girth. And then instead of punching the alien, he shoves his fist up his whole ass until it comes.

No, don't even get me started on Men in Black. He tried to fuck every motherfucking last alien in that bitch, and he wanted to rename the shit Men in Bussy. Men in Bussy. Now you think about that shit. You think about that. You think about that shit, sister. Sister Martin Luther King, Malcolm X Jr. You're going to need to give me 24 hours to process all this.

I'm going to come right back. Oh, my God. You're going to give me. I need time. I need time. We're recording this in hell. There is no time. This podcast is recorded in a hell dimension we've fallen into.

Oh, my God. And that's when I see Dwayne and having anal sex with Will. There was a couch and Will was bent over on the couch and Dwayne was standing up. Let's just say Will really like Oxtail. He was murdering it.

He was murdering it. The worst part, when he was fucking him in the ass He was creasing his Jordans The whole damn time I said Will you gonna have a tiny little baby dick Oh there he is again You gonna have a tiny little baby dick Get railed in the ass And he's gonna fuck up your shoes

So this bitch's show is called Unwine W-I-N-E With Tasha Cash. Yeah, she's... And I'm all in. Because she gets drunk. They drink wine all the time. Oh, my God.

This is great. Explosive. Oh, this is awesome. You can watch the full interview how? How do I watch it? Oh, it's on her website. What is this entrepreneur bullshit? Just put it on YouTube.

Is that fucking Benzino? Jesus Christ. Just a massive loser rapper from Boston that tried to go at Eminem a long time ago. So she just talks to people who are surrounded, who were next to talented people? I guess it's like Vlad TV, female Vlad TV or something. Again, and the thumbnails are, you know, it looks like a comedy flyer for a comedy show I've never been to. This is really hard

to navigate here. You could find it, though. It must be the newest one. No, it's not. It's not up there. Because the top one, and look, there's seasons and it's all BET type stuff. I can't figure this out. What is this?

She shoots like documentaries or some shit? I don't know. She made a documentary about the Baltic tribes and then one about sex. How is Tasha K making a documentary about the Baltic tribes? That makes no sense. That makes no sense, Ben.

Yeah, I don't know what this is. 12 a month. Dude, I got to sign up to hear about him having gay sex. Jesus Christ. Imagine signing up for Tasha K's podcast and you pay the $1.44 for the year. Okay. Right now, should I just sign up for the membership real quick so we can listen to him talk about gay sex? If you do, do not write this off on the podcast.

Yeah, this is your money. I do not. This is your money all the way. I want to put this on the company card. Hey, but it says we get access to her health and wellness series as well. That's great. So you can learn how to die really quick. Damn.

Will was not my. Damn. So that's the juicy shit. But I want to hear more about him having gay sex. I want to hear a lot more about this. Oh, you want to read the comments about him having gay sex? I do know there was an inside. Someone uploaded it to YouTube.

You know how they do those actor roundtables recently? They'll have variety. It's like 10 famous actors and they talk about acting. There's a clip from one with Will Smith. And it's like Will Smith, Robert De Niro, Adam Driver. And the clip is just Will Smith being like, yeah. So when I was in high school my first girlfriend

cheated on me with the quarterback of the team and then like ah you know De Niro's like ah man that's tough oh god he's like you remind me of my wife who I ate he leads over to Will Smith he's like can you tell my wife to take it easy De Niro goes I have a kid that looks like you

and then he goes I made a kid that looks like you. And then he goes, I made a promise to myself that day that she cheated, that if I become the most famous man in the world, I will never get cheated on again. And you saw all these famous actors be like, Oh, Jesus Christ. That was our motivation, too. Just like, oh, we Christ. That was our motivation, too. Just like, oh, we're sociopaths, but this is like the most insane thing I've ever heard.

Yeah. And then for him to be that, that's his biggest fear. And then he marries a woman who like publicly cocks him. He's gay, man. Holy shit. Look at Laura Loomer. Is that real? I don't know. Is that a real picture?

I think it actually is real. She looks like if Jigsaw was a whomer. Is that real? Is that a real picture? I think it actually is real. She looks like if Jigsaw was a whore. This is if Jigsaw went on Backpages, he'd hire her. He's like, I want to play a game. Oh my God. Come on, that can't be a real person's face. I want to play

a game. You have 60 seconds to make me come or I blow your brains out. Oh, this is the real one. This is the real one. I mean, it's not much better. Yeah. To be fair. Come on, that's a whole lot better.

It looks like if you put a penny in her mouth, she would smash it and it would have like the state capital on it. She looks insane. She looks completely insane. Are you watching the...

Well, I'm loading a picture of the cuck of the week well i'm loading a picture of the cuck of the week here's the cuck of the week mr bilber what does this mean that they're breaking down the body language the green line test i've actually studied like a true beta yeah i've you very beta right now i every time me and my girlfriend are taking a picture i scream at her until she passes the green line test it's basically like if a boyfriend or a husband and wife are taking a picture if the wife is not leaning towards the man facing him and he's facing kind of away from her that means he's like a cock and she like doesn't love him actually right so if he's leaning towards her facing her that means he's a cock and a beta that's the test

okay got it got it. So Laura Loomer is tweeting, why is Bill Bear married to this? Which, by the way, saying this about a black woman is very out there. It's insane. Isn't he a millionaire? LOL. If you're a millionaire, prioritize your health and get a personal trainer. There's no excuse for rich people to be

severely obese and unhealthy. If you have money, prioritize your health. So I don't know who she he's calling fat in this i think you know who she's calling fat don't play all whimsical and carefree here she could be talking about bill no no tweet is obviously about no bill can't lose four pounds it's about it's about his fat black wife ben welcome to x you know you know it was so funny i i know i text you guys this but it was uh owen benjamin had that insane tweet where he called uh he goes i feel sorry for her married to daquisha yeah he goes home and it's the tmv and i was like jesus christ and i sent it to you guys and i go I got I go man not even Kamiya would tweet that and then you immediately screenshot

it yeah Kamiya being like fuck this black whore Kamiya's posting pictures from the zoo I was like well I stand corrected I apologize yeah I don't get this at all like like cause she flipped off like it's he so people are mad that she flipped off Donald J. Trump, our 44th and possibly 46th president.

I think it was our 45th. 45th and also our current president. He won. Yeah. Don't forget that. 45 and 46 and soon to be 47. You know what's bullshit about this, by the way, is the camera guy might have not been completely vertical.

Because if the camera guy was tilted a certain way then you could change it to where he's more upright yeah i don't know i don't know man yeah i think he just loves his wife and when she she has opinions and he doesn't have to have them and yeah they keep saying his comedy chain like i saw like a live podcast he did recently he's just going off for an hour he's like the same guy you know obviously it's not as memorable right i mean i saw it i mean i saw one tweet about i was kind of digging into and one guy was like listen i love bill i loved old dads but this is woke nonsense i'm like old dads is the worst thing he's ever made yeah yeah it wasn't

it wasn't very good it was not very good it was it wasn't horrific though was it not actually i actually didn't think i i was like whatever it was what it was fine it wasn't as bad as i thought i just saw a trailer of bobby cannavale being like my pronouns are you know your pronouns are like tweet uh facebook there's a lot of lame boomer like on the nose shit but it was you know whatever i don't know i just bill burr's great and yeah bill burr's amazing fuck these psychopaths yeah he's also very very nice in person he's incredibly uh giving and very kind and very funny and uh very very nice when you met bill burr where you it was your internal monologue like do not mention his black wife

do not mention his black wife and then you you screw it up you go hi nice to meet his black wife. Do not mention his black wife. And then you screw it up. You go, hi, nice to meet you, black wife. What is it like being married to Patrice? Oh, God. Good Lord. That's so funny. Good God damn Lord. God bless him. But if you are a millionaire, you should prioritize your health and get a personal trainer.

Whatever that means. Yeah, she also, I went down a long rabbit trail. I think this was right after she gave birth to one of their kids because she's like much fitter on all of her Instagram pics and shit. Look at that thing. I know. Hi, aren't you a millionaire? Prioritize your health my um my face is full of botulism if you cut my face open it would kill most of the people in this room my plastic surgeon it's a wasp what did laura loomer do besides chain herself to the twitter

headquarters um i think she... I don't really know what she's famous for. She just seems like a psychopath. So she's just retarded. Yeah. Yeah. Does she really look like this? I didn't know people could look like this.

Yeah, most. She looks like Dylan Mulvaney or something. I mean, she's got as much like the Dylan Mulvaney or something. I mean, she's got as much surgery as like a trans woman. Yeah, basically. Yeah, she converted. She went trans from woman to thing.

She will become so ugly at some point. The right wing people will start boycotting her thinking she's like post off. I mean, she looks like out of. Yeah, she looks legitimately post off. Yeah, I mean, but if I'm being completely honest, like, you know, would. Oh, I mean, yeah,

you could say that you could say that about the guy on the right. I'd fuck him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would. I hate fucking

both. Yeah, it would. That's always the thing with people like, would you? I'm like in a vacuum. I would fuck almost every living being.

If like I could, if I could walk into an imaginary room and then i fuck them and then the the thing disappears and it doesn't exist like yeah of course yeah why not yeah exactly is that margarine butter whore what's her name man they really look like two nfl players who who became women. Yeah. After they retired. It looks like white chicks. Yeah, no, they legitimately, like they have CTE. You can tell. I will say this is what I imagine when I walk into a swingers party

for the first time after my wife has left me and I stopped drinking again. This is the kind of pussy that will be at my fingertips. Yeah, you have to fuck the Wayans brothers in white face. No, a woman that vaguely

looks like Alex Jones. And a person who, even if I squint my eyes, is still a dude. Yeah. She looks like the lead singer in Panic at the Disco. Like now. If you squint, she kind of looks like Kevin Bacon in Tremors.

Like if you just put the cowboy hat on her. I mean, she's got like jackie gleason's nose it really sucks ass she looks like bill pullman what is this bitch known for what does she do i don't know she just wears that red hat that people don't like that have nothing going on in their life yeah yeah i mean like you know like a lot of these people just seem famous for they're like i tweeted about you know i tweeted a video of a black kid stealing honey buns somewhere and you know that's what i do for a living right i'll

i'll do the thing that i do every week where i type in why is so and so famous and i have to do this 90 times a week in private she tweeted tweeted, what a surprise about a black guy punching somebody once. Then everyone's like, oh, she's a queen. She's a queen. She's got a pussy. I love her. Her Wikipedia says she's a far right and anti-Muslim. Dude, she is our age.

She was born in 1993. I thought she was a 65-year-old. Wow, I'm older than her. That's insane. I'm older than her. That's insane. I'm older than her. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, she got banned from Twitter, I guess, because she's a proud Islamophobe or something.

I mean, who gives a shit? These people are in fake wars with each other. Yeah, who gives a fucking shit? I hope people that hate her die, and I hope she dies. I hope people that like her die. Hope they all die at once. I hope anybody who saw that article and clicked on it, it gave you cancer in your brain and you died. But yeah, she's mad about Bill Burr having a black wife and him kind of leaning over to the side a little bit and his black wife being fat.

Yeah. I'll never stop looking at this. I'll never stop looking at this photo should i just leave this on i have a turn around the whole episode because we just weren't watching a guy uh talking about will smith having games this literally like this literally like she looks like if you were drunk driving at night in the woods like she would run in front of your head beams and look at you like that something from cryptozoology she really is she's running on all fours and she's carrying like a dead chicken in her mouth yeah she looks like an extinct species yeah she looks like she has two rows of teeth

there really are crazy fucked up stories about like you know in the middle of the country about cryptozoology where a lot of people report seeing the same thing and there's no explanation for it right oh it's interesting it comes in places where like fetal alcohol syndrome peaks yeah you know people if you gave them a cat scan they would be missing half right it's just this half is completely dark yeah there's not people in... Like they have lung cancer in their brain. No, like their brain is the moon. Yeah.

They have a waning brain. Yeah, they were born with a stroke. Can only use the left side of their body. But I'm just saying there's nobody like people in Switzerland aren't being like we saw a big moth and it had a face. That is... Jace actually kind of makes a good point. Yeah, it's a guy who That is, Jace actually kind of makes a good point. Yeah. It's a guy who's like, I live inside of a muffler, and I saw the retard deer baby man.

Yeah. Of Jackson Fuck. Jackson Fuck, Mississippi. Hold on. Scottish have the Loch Ness Monster, which makes sense because they're all, they're basically what we have here. Yeah, they're retarded. Yeah.

They're retarded. The trailer park of Europe, the Scottish. They're all... Yeah. They're basically what we have here. Yeah, they're retarded. Yeah. They're retarded. It's cold. The trailer park of Europe, the Scottish. Thank you for inventing golf, but you guys can go genocide yourselves now. Yeah. With alcohol. Yeah, we get it.

There was the Braveheart movie or whatever who gives a shit. And thank you for golf. But Scotland has the longest monster, but isn't there one weird folklore thing? It's either Finland or maybe it's in Sweden. Isn't there a weird fucked up thing that comes out of the woods and it's like a beast?

It's just a Jewish person. Is that what you're trying to say. Yeah, the tale of the normal Jewish guy in Sweden. What Jewish guy? They're like, there was one guy here who was not six foot seven and had a giant white penis. Are you talking about like night crawlers or night walkers? There's like these things in Hawaii.

You're talking about skin walkers, right? I think there's like, yeah, maybe. There's these things and people think they see in Hawaii in the woods and shit. Oh, really? What are those called? I think nightwalkers, I think. Ooh. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I know Native Americans, I'm sorry, Indians had skinwalkers. The Wendigo was a big thing for them. Like the troglodyte people? Well, they thought it was a person who would kill an Indian, and then they would take their form and basically infiltrate the group. That's why they called them the skin walker. And in Ireland, they called them changelings, I think.

In Hawaiian mythology, night marchers. Night marchers, or spirit ranks, are the deadly ghosts of ancient tribal Hawaiian warriors. The night marchers are the vanguard for a sacred king. It's just property developers. Yeah, it's Mark Zuckerberg. It's the guys from The Descendants. Yeah, it's a guy from Harrah's Casino.

This is great land. It's a guy going like, hmm, all that land burned down. Very interesting. I think this is great timing for me. Yeah, this is gay. They're like the ghosts at the end of The Lord of the Rings that fight crime and stuff.

Yeah. It's gay. Yeah, it's ghosts at the end of the Lord of the Rings that fight crime and stuff. It's gay. Yeah, that's very gay. I don't care about tribal ghosts. Look at that stupid shit. Get out of here, you Guillermo del Toro character. Wait, wait, wait. Is that Laura Loomer? Guys.

Guys, is this real? Guys, I think this is freaking me out this is why I've had to delete social media off my phone because I was turning into a massive retard where I would send something into a group chat with people and it would be like this and I'd be like is this real and then

something that would happen I would send to them and it definitely happened and was definitely real. And I'd be like, I don't know. It seems kind of fake. I was just merging everything to this middle ground of a liminal space where

nothing is real. Things that aren't real are actually real and things that are real aren't real. Yeah, your brain was turning into the hallway of a hotel. You have a hedge mage in your own brain. Yes! No, I mean, yeah, I've literally been in group texts

and you'll send like the bat baby from the National Enquirer. You'll be like, this is real. And then you'll send a picture of 9-11. You'll be like, this is not real. This didn't happen. This is not fake, but there was a big baby that was shaped like a bat. And it flew, it flew to space.

It flew to space and it fucked John Travolta. Because the magazine they sell next to tampons and candy bars told me so. Probably real. Probably real. Who's to say? Except physics. I know two things. I know two things. The bat baby is real

and the Holocaust is not. Once I connected in my brain that I was doing that, I pointed that out to them. And they were like, yeah, dude, you have to get off the internet for a while. Yeah. And I've deleted it off my phone and it's been nice. I get the impulse because I want the world to be a lot more interesting than it is. Yeah.

I want gay, retarded bullshit to be real. Yeah. I want there to actually be evil forces and demons and devils and this weird you know guillermo del toro guy living in the woods but like the truth is just like oh there's a lot of people who just like want to make more money and they're not even necessarily evil and because of that like everything sucks and is fucked and if you don't have all that money then you're kind of fucked and that's like really the only thing that really exists in the world and that's like just kind of fucked. And that's like really the only thing that really exists in the world. And that's like just kind of boring and depressing.

Everything's incredibly predictable and transparent. Yeah. So that's why we like, you know, there to be like monsters out there and stuff. I think that's the comforting thing about zombie films for people, right? Yeah. Is the idea.

You want to be able to shoot everyone in the head. Because it's basically a human being. Zombie movie, yeah. It gives you the green light to not have empathy and just kill. Exactly. You shoot it in the head. You teach your kid. You have to shoot them in the head.

Shoot your mom in the head. That's why we love it all. You have to do it. You have to do it. You have to do it or you're a bad person, actually. Oh, we have, like, gone so... It's becoming so mainstream. Not even zombie movies.

Like, the fact that Joker was such a nationwide phenomenon. So many normies love Joker. That brought everyone's yearning for mass murder together. Even anti-gun people. Everybody was into Joker. Because we all secretly want to murder everybody. Patrick Mahomes was, like, tweeting, like, wow, that movie was crazy.

Oh, a bully really goes to show, like, what bullying can do to some people. It's like a guy, like, fucking killing people. Yeah, a guy worth $400 million. He's like, listen, I want to blow everybody's brains out in the street. I think that would be awesome. Yeah. So I guess the everybody... Like, when there's a mass shooting,

like, in the the news everyone's like could have been me well that's that's why everybody gets so angry about maybe next week it will be yeah everybody gets mad about mass shootings because they get jealous they're like oh man I wanted to shoot up that massage parlor yeah

I wanted to do it I wish there would be more cool mass shooters honestly like they I really wish like somebody would be more cool mass shooters, honestly. I really wish somebody would be like, yeah, I shot up an FBI building or something. Yeah, like Justified, IRS. Yeah, I blew up a fucking Raytheon building. Instead of like, I shot up the ladies

who went and jacked me off at the massage parlor. I killed them. Yeah. It's like, oh, what a- I smell too bad. They said I smell too... They smell too much more like onions when they suck me off at the massage party.

And so they have to... I have to send them to hell. I have to send them to Korean bitch hell. It's like, you just want to grab those guys and be like, no, there's... So there's a hella burden building on fifth and fairfax. You have the right instinct actually i go

listen i don't want to discourage this because you have a gift you have a calling i just want to redirect it at something that's really cool you know yeah someone said once it's like it's like scoring a basket before the wrong team yeah it's like right idea you just gotta do it over there yeah exactly but even if they did do that everyone's such a company man like people would still be like don't what are they supposed to like innocent people work at the fbi yeah they're just doing their job dude fucking hitler's grandnephew works at the fbi all right there's good people there yeah yeah yeah there could be more virtuous shooters there's no there's also no great big fat people who are shooters, and I'm sorry if I've said this on the podcast before, I'm not certain I have, but

there's never great big fat guys. It's a really, it's really, it's a damn shame. It's a damn shame. But the world's gone too. Every great fat guy thinks they'll stop the mass shooter. See, that's, but that's even

that's even sicker yeah than wanting to do a shooting is fantasizing about stopping a mass shooting well that's that's sick that's the thing is that's their own the only thing their bodies are built for so like it's the only time they can come in handy yeah but somebody's like oh there's a human wall we can push at the shooter and just like that i'm empathizing with fat people for the first time listen if you i view them as people almost for a second if you were in a shoot mall shooting you would want the whale next to your side at that moment yeah tell me i'm wrong in his walker and you're just behind him like just like fucking yeah like you're running like a wedge in football because you think the shooter even despite being a sociopathic murderer, the morsel of morality he'll have, he'll see a big fat worthless guy.

And then he'll shoot the fat worthless guy over you, hopefully. Or if you're hiding behind the guy, like I like to think he's like walking up to a baby, blowing its head off, like fucking spearing a Chinese lady. And then he gets the big fat guy. He's like, oh, yeah, that would almost feel worse if you do you're what you looked too pathetic for the guy to shoot you yeah the guy who wants to kill 50 people one time was like that guy's really bumming me out you go to therapy for it i just don't know why why not me you know women won't pick me incels won't shoot me like what am i doing wrong the therapist like you're a big fat piece

of shit charlie from the whale though yeah brendan frazier playing charlie from the whale in the big fat suit in the big fat suit if that guy was a mass shooter at the mall that would be kick-ass especially if he was doing it in a motorized scooter yeah that would be great and it's kind of like blowing him in circles while he's shooting. Oh, yeah, he's first at the mall. He's first. He's going to GameStop. He's blowing everybody away. He's shooting up Hastings because he's

wanting to fuck one girl that's worked there for 33 years. He kills everybody at GameStop. The employees. How is GameStop even still open? I actually don't know because isn't everything on Steam now? No one's in there. It's just shooters. And they go, oh, no one's here again.

The cops would show up. And then the Brendan Fraser from The Whale playing Charlie. They wouldn't kill him because he'd be like, I have to know that I've done at least one thing right with my life. And they're like, oh, man, I can't. I can't do it, man. All the cops are killing themselves. It's such a good performance.

Yeah, it'd be the first shooting with a Panera break in the middle of it. You'd go to the food court and get some Yoshinoya. The bread bowls are amazing. The bread bowls are amazing. The bread bowls are amazing. I can't wait to blow that girl's head off. It's amazing. He turns to a guy at Panera and he goes,

I have gay sex, by the way. And I jack off to gay pornography. By the way, I'm a fucking fag. And a black dude shoots him in the head. Yeah, Brother Belal. Brother Belal. Dude, it's Brother Belal through the pockets.

He's like, I walked in on Brendan Fraser from The Whale. Tiny baby dick because he's so fat. And he was getting his shit rocked by the pizza delivery guy. Murdering him. The pizza delivery guy. Murdering him. Murdering that ass. And I said,

disgusted. I fucking hate that shit. I was just, I was literally thinking about, because I was thinking about the whale. Well, I told you, I didn't know you were going to Best Buy earlier.

That's why. And I just found out that the whale was $5.99 on Blu-ray at Best Buy, because it turns out nobody wants to buy that except for me. I know. I literally, I was in the middle of a Best Buy because I out nobody wants to buy that except for me. I know. I literally I was in the middle of a Best Buy because I had to buy an SD card for the podcast and Ben texted me. He's like, can you see if they have the whale

on Blu-ray? And I just pretend I didn't see it in time. You motherfucker because I'm going to have to go to the Blu-ray in Northridge now to get it. And you should. You should have to do that in person. Because it's $11.99 on Amazon. I don't want to like, I would rather buy child pornography in person than a Blu-ray of the whale.

There are these bonus features on it where they show us how the whale actually takes shit. You texted me? He texted me. I ignored that text and then two minutes later he goes, there's a ton of bonus features on it,

by the way. As if to entice him to turn back. I was like, dude, fuck off. The audio commentary is just chilling sounds. Yeah, it's the only DVD menu where you can order food delivered. It functions as a Postmates, too. But I was thinking about the whale on the way over. I know we talked about it ad nauseum, but it's still.

Well, it's been a full year. You guys banned me from talking about it for like 50 straight episodes. I mean, you saw it seven times in a row. And I think it's truly because you just love laughing at fat people. Because it's not... I loved how when the movie came out, Darren Aronofsky was like, we took a lot of time. We wanted this to be respectful and actual exploration of what this person is like.

And then the first scene of the movie is him having a heart attack, jacking off to gay porn. That then the first scene of the movie is him having a heart attack jacking off to gay porn that's the first scene in the movie yeah that he starts choking on a b-ball sandwich yeah no literally yeah yeah and the whole theater probably is just filled with guys like me all sitting by themselves like hey look at him yeah he's fucking fat fuck him yeah it's just guys doing this like spin fat fag it's you guys doing this and you walk out you go i loved it because of it was an empathetic portrait of a of a troubled man i feel like i was on broadway i feel like i was on broadway yeah and then people just being like brendan frazier was a fantastic that was fantastic acting it's just him scarfing

down a hogan going like my girl my daughter's not a cunt, guys. That movie doesn't, you know what, a year later, that movie doesn't even fucking make sense. Yeah, the daughter's an evil piece of shit. The daughter's an evil piece of shit. No, Ben, you're going to take this right now. The movie doesn't make sense. It's literally his daughter posting on Facebook like,

hey, I killed this cat this morning. I choked it to death. And it's Brendan Fraser going like, she choked it because she cares. She's a special girl who cares. And he's like, he has her read the essay, which

sucked ass, by the way. It was such a beauty. He goes, it's an honest essay. No, it fuck off. Yeah, it sucked. Fuck you. This book made me think about my own life. This book made me think about my own life this book made me think about my own life no it was literally you want you watched it because you're like there's a really fat guy and he ate a big you literally watched it just like like for the scene of like homer going like

everybody come on laugh at him. Fuck him. Fuck this man. No, but the movie's actually, it's perfect. The daughter like. It's Keno. Doesn't she, she like kidnaps like a Jehovah's Witness too, doesn't she? Yeah, she's an awful person.

It's not good. People are amazing. People are amazing. This is good it's not good people are amazing people are amazing this is good acting to go people are amazing how did his throat get all fucked up by the way did he like suck like a big he sucked will smith's dick was his throat fucked up in the movie he's had so he had to retire from acting for like 10 years because he had so many and i know this because i listened to his WTF. Sure. Which I want everybody to know before they start calling me a fag

in the comments, I haven't listened to WTF since like 2013. Okay. You say Brendan Fraser is who I break this out for. Listen, I like the guy.

He's a great actor but he has nothing interesting to say. Yeah, I don't care about anything he has to say. Everything I've seen, I've seen the interviews with him where they treat him

like he's a retarded child. Yeah. And they literally, they go to him, they're like, people are so glad you're in movies again, because if you weren't famous, like, why wouldn't you blow your brains out? Like, there's no reason you don't have any worth. Yeah, yeah.

Your life's basically over. You're dead. Your life's basically over, and we're glad you're still getting roles, even though you're a fat, faggot piece of shit, which sucks and you should we hate you. I think it's so inspiring. They treated him just as retarded as the Asian guy and the extremely annoying. The Asian guy drove me fucking insane. What

Asian guy? Kehu Kwan from. Yeah. The Asian lady. No. No. The Asian guy won too. The guy who played short round in the Indiana Jones. Oh, I thought you were talking about the Asian lady and the whale. Sorry. No, no.

We're done talking about the whale forever. Until we're dead. But no, the Asian guy, Kehu Kwan, who was in Everything Everywhere All at Once. Yeah. He's still showing up at red carpets, like surprising, like, you know, one of the. Yeah. He's like surprising sloth from the Goonies. He's walking up. He goes, hey, how are you doing i'm pretending to be mentally retarded for some reason he's got like velcro shoes on i can't tie my shoes i eat apple

sauce all day i'm like a little boy people like that's great i fucking i fucking hate asians that rules little symbols yeah That toy monkey hat No it's literally like It's literally like guys Who like actually Are like viciously Hate everybody I know we like

Kind of do it as a bit But it's guys who are like That's great That's not disingenuous At all Because I actually Fucking think Asians Are bugs

That's what I actually Think in my head That's what I actually think And I really for real Think if Brendan Fraser Is not famous in movies Like there's no reason For him to be alive That's what I really Believe in my head that's what i actually think and i really for real think if brendan frazier's not at famous in movies like there's no reason for him to be alive that's what i really believe in my heart yeah that's fair yeah so i hated that and it was just interview after interview of just brendan frazier like we're so glad you're you're famous again and he's being like guys that

i did bedazzled in 2000 and that's like the whole interview. Yeah. Yeah. He's really actually down to earth though. CBS Sunday morning did a great thing about him where he's, which I, by the way, I love CBS Sunday morning because they're always like, what are you? Can I tell you? I love CBS Sunday morning.

I actually really do. It's the greatest thing on television. Why? Who's on it? What is the, who's, who's, Oh,

they have like a bunch of hosts. There's that gay guy. Charles. That's good. Yeah. Charles. That's a gay guy charles osgood yeah charles osgood's a black guy it is white ladies it is the one news program a week where they're like hey we really need to tap into the 97 year old market at cbs right right and it's every sunday morning it's like it's 6 a.m and it's charles osgood who's this little fucking gay guy in a

bow tie who's 100 years old and he goes we um we talked to uh henry winkler about what it's like to cook with dyslexia and then it's just it's they do the most softball pitch gentle ass like they're talking to henry winkler and they're like so you um you can't read a cookbook he's like no but you still made muffins he's like i did that's amazing that's amazing they go here at henry winkler's 40 000 square foot mansion in upstate wisconsin he finds peace and a little bit of solace from the hollywood lifestyle and then it shows them walking he goes yeah and i uh killed and buried my first wife over there and my second wife she like killed and buried her back there behind those rocks it's ton of stuff just being like yeah so this is the place where I staged a tractor

that I pretend I work on. And this is a field hand I pretend I know his first name, even though later I'll kick him when you leave. It's the most softball shit of all time. And it actually kind of rules. They could have like, they'll have like, you know, like controversial figures on like Yuma stuff. Like they could have Adolf Hitler on and they'd be like, so you love dogs?

What I do, I hate Jews, but I love dogs. So you're not Mr. Hollywood, huh? I like ABC. It's a little tackier because it's all murder or really low-level, extremely basic morality questions. What show, though?

What would you do? you ever seen that oh with john quinones or whatever it's like like you know chubby mexican dude like they do like a like a like a prank show kind of where actors are in public oh i've seen this shit and it'll be like a like somebody pretends to have down syndrome and like all these kids would be like, you fucking retard. You don't even know how to eat. Like hold your fry better. And people just watch. And like a lot of times people don't do anything.

And then he comes out, he goes, I noticed you didn't do anything. Like, why was that? And you know, people would just be like, cause you fucking retarded, I don't care. You know what I get was a really weird, uncomfortable situation. He was very uncomfortable. Where I felt unsafe and felt like I was in a dream

they're like okay well because of that we're now going to ruin your life this is going on TV whether you like it or not so they put people in situations where you're supposed to like stop racism but it's so over the top it's not even like oh a lady's being rude to a waiter it's a guy like literally going like

to like in a restaurant like to a black waiter being like I don't like you because you're black and i'm a racist yeah does anyone have a problem with that yeah exactly and then it'll be like one brendan frazier stands up he goes your honor well there'll be there'll be one guy in the there will be one guy on the show who sheepishly go like, he's like, I think racism sucks. And then the Keanu's guy will be like, why were you a brave citizen? I had a black friend in the Air Force. They're not all bad.

And then John Keane's like, okay, okay, back to get him out of here. Put him back in the sewer. Put him, I'd like to put my boot on his face and just get out of here. But you were saying you watched the CBS Sunday Morning with Brendan Fraser. Oh, yeah, and he's doing the classic thing where he's out on the ranch and he's showing where he makes his little campfires

and he's shooting a bow and arrow and he sucks ass at it, and I love it. And he has a big cowboy hat on and he's just sort of waddling like an enormous duck through his yard. It's a beautiful thing to see yeah and it's the only show that it's true it doesn't it it's not something that transfigures your pain in the way like great art or media does it transcends the pain where it

offers you a total escape from life and anxiety and depression and thoughts of death where you're just you're watching it and it's like you're floating on this cool uh digital babbling brook and you just forget you're even alive it's it's it's mindless horseshit it's truly it's it's a simulator for having a chicken cutlet brain like 70 of americans it's really it's really beautiful because it is so obviously staged and fucking fake but they never it'll you know they'll like have julia roberts on and they'll be like she's like this so this is the orphanage where i take care of all the kids and they're like that's obviously not planned at all that rules you didn't hire a pr team to like make you seem

blue collar and not like a sociopath who needs to stay famous at all costs. And they'll act like these things are cute where it's like, Nicole Kidman has the world's biggest quilt collection where she owns over 30,000 quilts. And they're like, so Nicole, what made you get into quilting? And she's like, well, I have an excess amount of money and I have to spend it

on something because I'm bored and have no inner life. And you with a disease. And they'd be like, that's that's actually amazing and makes you like a real human being for some reason yeah and you with a diseased brain you're like no talk about the time tom cruise made you eat a kid with him yeah but that puts you in just hell all the time if you can have that smooth fucking chicken cutlet brain oh yeah where you're like well she said it so that means it's true now i'm gonna watch the united United States of Al and just have the bliss of the Buddha. Cause I suck ass.

It's TV for your grandma. Yeah. I'll rewatch some of these videos over and over. I have some of the memorized. I'll just go back to them. Oh, Oh, I've watched the Tom Hanks typewriter one a bunch of times where he's just

like, he like loves old typewriters, the biggest typewriter collection. And I know like all the models of typewriters and i've been to the typewriter repair shop that he goes there's only two in la and i went to the one that he always goes to and i've talked to the guy who knows tom hanks and like i've seen his typewriters there and i like i just watch it and i like the clicking and the clacking and you know it's it's just it's again it's just you know every now and then you feel yourself free falling through a you know it's it's just it's again it's just you know every now and then you feel yourself

free falling through a you know a bottomless pit into the depths of hell and then you just click that and yeah everything's good again it's just tom hanks talking about typewriters you're just riding on the wings of a of a bluebird yeah you know and you're like this you're rocking back and forth through the clouds like a giant toddler and you're like this, you're rocking back and forth through the clouds like a giant toddler. And you're like, wee! Wee! YouTube premium rules! Wee! No ads!

And I'm like, wow, Tom Hanks loves the old thing with the keyboard. I'm definitely not thinking about how he publicly cheated on his wife for 20 years and has a retarded wigger son because he abandoned him. It's so relatable. He's one of the most famous actors of all him. It's so relatable. Like, he's like one of the most famous actors of all time. He's a multi-millionaire. I'm a fucking retarded loser. We're like the same.

Does he, by the way, we all know he fucks kids, obviously, but I didn't know he was a bad husband. What, did he beat his wife?

Well, he didn't get a sitter when he went to Epstein's Island. Yeah. What a cunt. Yeah.? Well, he didn't get a sitter when he went to Epstein's Island. What a cunt. That's how you get a wigger retard. For sure a kid fucker, though, by the way. For sure a kid fucker.

Oh, definitely. He definitely called. He's like, hey, remember? He called his agent. He's like, remember when I made that movie Big? He's like, is that machine real? Can we put all the people through that machine and make them really young? Can we turn my wife into a baby so I can fuck her?

Can we make her unbig? No, I'm just like over his smaltzy. I'm just a good guy to homie. I'm sick of it. He always plays the greatest hero of all time. Every role, he's the hero of the whole fucking Sully, Captain Phillip,

Saving Private Ryan. Not the biggest hunk of shit ever made, the Elvis movie. He's the bad guy. Oh, right. He talks like this now. Yeah. Somehow racist to white people, that character he did.

Like foghornhorn Leghorn. Right. What was he doing? I don't even know. He played a... The Colonel. Colonel Tom Parker. He was just like a goiter.

He just played a goiter. A goiter in a straw hat. He's a goiter. And Tom Hanks is George Lucas's neck. And it also shows how actually... How actually suck ass of an actor he is because he can only play this like polished Jimmy Stewart like

I'm just a guy who cares about landing this airplane right and they're like okay we're gonna go against type you're gonna play a villain this is gonna be your breakout acting he goes I'm an evil guy I'm the devil I wanna ruin everything cause I'm evil he can't play to ruin everything because I'm evil. He can't play bad guys. Everyone has to be like a

morally righteous, awesome dude. Is he a bad guy in Road to Perdition? Yeah, but it's like a fake bad guy because he's kind of doing it for a kid. So it's just an anti-hero? It's okay because the times are hard and he's right. I guess he's a hitman. No, no, no. He's playing

like a relatively moral guy within that community type of thing where he's like, listen guess he's a hit man. No, no, no. He's playing like a relatively moral guy within that community type of thing where he's like, listen, I'm a good practicing Catholic. These are all bad guys I'm killing. I'm trying to get out of this business, but I can't seem to. That type of thing.

Oh, I can see the comment section now because the big machine turned from a kid into older, so it had to be a reverse big machine. Yeah. Well, the machine still reverses too. Listen, I said unbig, so it'd have to be a reverse big machine. Yeah. Well, the machine still reverses, too. Listen, I said unbig, so I think it's fine. Oh, okay. There's going to be a 40 comment

thread on Reddit. Yeah, also, this is a retarded up. Ben's ready to ask his fastball. He forgot the Zoltan machine, what it does. It's Zoltar. Zoltar. But you wouldn't know that. You dumb fuck. Yeah, and then there's an 80 comment thread. They're like, Jace is ready to ask his fastball. He didn't know it was a Zoltar Zoltar But you wouldn't know that You dumb fuck Yeah and then there's

An 80 comment thread They're like Jace is rated As his fast player He didn't know It was a Zoltar machine And it's sad It's like watching

You know Kareem Abdul-Jabbar When he should have retired It's very sad Yeah First three episodes Were good But now

I don't know Yeah the first 75 episodes Were good But the 76th Was kind of a dip And the 77th Was okay I've developed A weird Star Trek 75 episodes were good, but the 76th was kind of a dip and the 77th was okay.

I've developed a weird Star Trek fascination with this show. I think we have to end the show now. Oh, really? Well, I'm getting really thirsty and my head kind of hurts. Okay. I didn't think we were at an hour yet. No, I think, yeah, we're at hour three. Okay.

Wow. Cool. Looks like the money's gotten to him. Yeah, just put in an hour and then I just crack out. Yep. Yep. Yeah, we do like an hour

and a half on the man. By the way, I'm going to do retard voice so much on the show that eventually my jaw will dislocate as I'm talking

because I try to do an underbite as I do retard voice. Eventually my jaw, it'll come off and all that. Excuse me, guys. I permanently talk like this now, so I have to go to a cosmetic dentist. Yeah.

I'll be right back. We do. This is why. This is actually why I'm a genius. Can I tell you why I'm a podcasting genius? You've gone difficult retard. I've gone smooth retard. Where I pull the joint back.

I like that. It's like my. It's the high pass filter retard. Yeah, I'm the smooth jazz of joint back. I like that. It's the high pass filter retard. Yeah, I'm the smooth jazz of retards. I love that. I'm like kind of blue of retards. Kind of G. Yeah. That sounds great in the mic, exactly what you're doing.

All the settings I have, they're perfectly designed for you to do smooth retard voice. Yes. And I go, can I get a little reverb for the retard? A little reverb. And I think it's going to be a long, long time till Tom Hanks puts me in the Zotac machine and fucks me with his Wiggerson onion. This is an interesting thing, actually,

because this is actually really fucked up now that I think about it. What? Everybody claims they love retarded people and like handicapped people and that they're great and beautiful and blah blah blah. Sure. There's never been one retarded pop star. Not ever. Not one. Like musical act? Yeah. And like I liked Daniel

Johnson a lot. And then people are like you're mocking him because he's he worked at McDonald's and like jacked off in the river. Brian Wilson for the Beach Boys was kind of like if the Sandy Hook shooter made beautiful music. That is a good point there. Yeah, that's true. And the Pink Floyd guy, I guess, was just...

He was just talking to triangles when he closed his eyes. Yeah, Michael Jackson was a pedophile, so that's kind of a form of being retarded. Kind of retarded, yeah. What I'm saying is I want to see an arena of like... I want to see someone who sells out a stadium want to see someone who like sells out like a stadium and they come out and they're like, uh, yeah, excuse me, I'm fucking retarded. So I don't know what the first song is

because I'm retarded. And they're like, excuse me. Yeah, their rider is a tray of crowns. The pop star sings along to the crowd. Yeah. You guys know this next verse? Yeah. You guys ride it. crowns. The pop star sings along to the crowd. You guys know this Nick Spears? You guys write it.

He has the Britney Spears mic and he just starts eating it mid-set. But since he's retarded, he's actually really good at one musical instrument. So he is playing the electric guitar really well, but he's just doing like the wheels on the bus. Yeah, he's playing hot cross buns.

He's like one eight seven seven cars for kids. K.A. He's like for the best car insurance rates in town. Call one eight800 General now Sing along everybody No but every fan Looks like Bert Kreischer They all look like Bert Kreischer And they're holding up a lighter

They're holding up a lighter that's lit their hand on fire And they're waving it around Walking on stage and being like thank you thank it's great to be here in cincinnati they're like this is tel aviv he's like yeah all right this first little song you might know it's called 1-800-EMPIRE sing along if you know the lyrics and then he tries to count he tries to count in his band he goes one one one one yeah it's a bunch of his band is a bunch of other retards playing on like fisher price toys like the e street band yeah and he still gets he gets tons of pussy tons of pussy. Tons of pussy. Yeah. He fucks him with his big rethin dick. I like hip hop too.

He's like BK have it your way. Six dollars to watch your dropper put your ass in my cock. They'd be funny

if like he walks up stage and they're like encore encore and he comes back at it and he goes, I'm love for nerd!

Push a T. Push a T, Susan. He's in a legal battle with a retarded person. Yeah, that would fucking roll it's fucked up because there's no famous retarded people that are celebrities or anything

can I tell you I would I would love specifically if it was if it was a if it was retarded musical act but it was retarded Bruce Springsteen and the retarded E Street band and he came out he had big down syndrome neck and giant forehead and he's dressed in like you know the tight pants and like the bruce springsteen

jacket yeah he's like i want to tell a story about my old man he tells a story about his dad always wanted to be a professional ball player he's like but he couldn't hack it in any way and this fucking the guy who's supposed to be clarence is like shoving One, two, three, four. How are you doing? I'm working here. I'm in the kitchen. And this fucking, the guy who's supposed to be Clarence is like shoving the saxophone up his ass. He's farting into it. Like a fucking the retarded little Stevie's eating his bandana and choking. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Their groupies are dogs that they that suck them off when they put peanut butter on their cocks it's a roving band of wild dogs that lick peanut butter out of their ass it's him in the green room after the show and they're getting high as fuck. Off of a keyboard cleaner? Yeah, keyboard cleaner. Fucking crushing up Skittles because they think it's like fucking pills and snorting it. And then they're here knocking on the door. They go, oh, looks like the groupies are here.

And he opens the door and he's like, ladies, ladies, ladies. It's a bunch of dogs just like, hurr, hurr, hurr, hurr. And he goes, ladies, there's plenty of retarded penis to go around. And he goes, where's my assistant? He's got my dick peanut butter. He's got one jar of peanut butter to eat with his hand and one to put on his dick.

And he's constantly mixing them up. And their manager definitely would have to be Tom Hanks playing the colonel. Yeah. You are one of the finest retard acts alive. Yeah. It's him listening. It's him.

It's Tom Hanks' characters listening to him on the radio. And he's it's him. It's him. It's it's Tom Hanks characters listening to him on the retail on the radio. And he's like, whatever. This is just a normal musical act. And they go, no, Colonel, he's retarded. He goes, he's retarded. You got to stop eating fried marbles. Yeah, he's the exact same diet as Elvis objects. You ate a fried staircase. same diet as Elvis. He just put his whole objects. It's glue and shit.

You ate a fried staircase. I'm stuck in a cloud with too much to see. With too much Play-Doh. I'm stuck in a car and I can't find the unlock door. If I can breathe. If I i can shit if i can piss if i can come if i can pee oh please let me pee

yeah one day that's how it goes right yeah if i can breathe i do love that song oh it's great um who is that elvis presley oh that's like if i can dance if i can walk if i can stand if i can talk that's his older it was his big comeback thing after he was like i can. He was like gay and retarded for like 10 years. And he came back and he did this Christmas special where he was like, doing the thing with the Elvis sign in the back and it's red. And he's like, if I can stay here and he's like going crazy.

Well, cause it was after on TV. It was after Martin Luther King was killed. So he's like, I have to write a song about this, even though they wanted to shoot a Christmas special. It's a great song. But anyway,

yeah, they're a, they're retarded guy. Like it as Kurt Loder comes on MTV News. He's like sad news today. Retarded Bruce Springsteen was found dead in his car. We suspected a drug overdose, but it's he locked himself inside and couldn't get out of the death slowly. He died in the river. Yeah, he he died he drowned in the river because he thought it was chocolate and it's like a big funeral like fucking you know david bowie's there and he's like he was one of the best retards i ever knew i remember we did a session me and him and i said what if we boost the bass up i go this song needs a little more bass And he said What if I eat all the knobs On the little radio thing

And I was like this guy Outside the box mate Outside the fucking box And then we had gay sex Oh no David Bowie then we had gay sex I'm Australian for whatever reason I ate a Mars ball out of his gay ass

I'm David Bowie I love singing to fame That guy was so fucking insane What did he do it all for? He would fuck lamps and shit David Bowie would wrap his cock around a street light Yeah he wanted to fuck stars Yeah he was like

I did so much cocaine I became the moon now i really want to make like the elvis movie but starring a retarded a guy yeah i think it would be like really well they already did you know oh the austin butler oh yeah yeah i mean the guy literally convinced himself that he can't do his normal voice anymore he's still talking like elvis i heard i've seen interviews with him where they're like asking him about Dune and he's like, well, you know, mama, it's just great to be in Dune. It's great to play

the Baron Harkonnen's son. I used to think that was like sociopathy, but now I just think like actors like have Down syndrome. They're actually retarded. They don't know who they are or where they're going. Elvis was played by a retarded person in the movie. He's completely a retarded person.

You need to be retarded to be a great actor, I guess. I wouldn't be surprised if we see Dune Part 2 next year and he walks into frame and he goes, Hey, I'm an alien, baby. How's it going? I'm on the big planet Arrakis. Baby, I need all this spice. The guy's fucking mentally retarded.

And Dennis Villanueva has to be like, would you not be retarded this much? I thought they already made a shitty Dune movie. Did they make another shitty Dune movie? There's another one coming out. Ben, they made Dune Part 1. This is Dune Part 2. Okay? No one asked for this. I think a lot of people have.

I actually liked it a lot. I didn't see it. Pretty sacrilegious coming from a David Lynch fan over here. I never said I'm a David Lynch fan. Oh, dude. Two against one. I just say that to upset him. Patreon.com.

On that note, before I flip a lid, Devin at HeyWatchPod. Jace at SideDings by Jace. Guys, you missed the merch. It'll come. We'll do more merch months down the road. Or maybe we won't. If it sucks, we won't do it anymore.

Who knows? Lemon Party Clips channel, every 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time is when we go live. It's on the Clips channel, so make sure you subscribe so you don't miss those. And that's been the episode, folks.

We'll see you guys next week. What the fuck is this piece of shit? Out in the West Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl Nighttime would find me in Rose's Cantina Music would play and Paulina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Paulina The clay and folina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of folina Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for this Mexican maid

I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a wild young cowboy came in