lemonparty - 059: Daddy Daughter Trip

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

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Chicken Wings Prepare it. What's this? Check, test, test. What is this? Is this like Holocaust footage? What is this? Check, one, two, test. Ben knows about a zoo where they keep a certain type of people.

Check, one, two, test. It's like an eagle live stream, like an eagle's nest. This looks like Abbott and Costello go to Auschwitz. Oh, this is a Samuel Beckett play. It's called Waiting for Godot. Yeah, it looks like shit to me. It looks like it sucked. Everybody looks like they're

Levi Helm for some reason. They're all old as shit and wearing stupid old weird hats. I really like Samuel Beckett's books because he's like this Irish cocksucker, right? Who studied under James Joyce. Yeah. He wrote in French so he could write without influence. So he wrote in French.

It got translated into English and stuff. And then he won like the nobel uh he won the nobel right and then his stuff is like every guy in his book is like the most retarded guy to like ever live it's the most retarded the main character is always a guy who's like i keep a a sucking stone in this pocket and i put the stone in my mouth and i suck it and i transfer it to this pocket and then that's my sucking stone is in my bottom right pocket I move it to the bottom left pocket and I put the sucking stone in my mouth

autistic Irish guys yeah but you say the dialogue really fast so people like in theaters are like this is brilliant it's that like Tom Stoppard Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead type of thing where it's like, well, one plus one is three if you add five

to it and make it eight. And people are like, whoa, fuck. He knew all the words and he said them. Right, right, right. That type of shit. It's like literary who's on first. A little bit, yeah. But he kicks ass. He kicked ass as a person. What is he? What is he from? Irish. He's Irish.

Yeah, he studied under Joyce. As James Joyce was... He did. He was under his ass. Joyce liked the shit all over him. He studied eating ass from James Joyce. Writers are so gay because Samuel Beckett was obsessed with James Joyce

to the point that he married his daughter, actually. He married James Joyce's daughter? Yeah, who was schizophrenic and crawling. I like the idea that you go, he was just obsessed with Joyce. He married James Joyce's daughter? Yeah, who was schizophrenic at Carl Young. He was just obsessed with Joyce. He wasn't just a fucking creep. He was a fan. He was a big fan. He wasn't a man with schizophrenia

copying another man's life. No, he was not. Well, he actually wore the same size shoe as James Joyce, and it was four sizes too small for his foot and fucked his toes up. I mean, artists... He did that for years, and his feet would bleed like a geisha yeah yeah was he married James Joyce's daughter and she's covered in shit just because James trained her early well yeah Joyce's daughter was obviously like

schizophrenic like a whore yeah and like he married this Irish so I get it and also like Carl Jung was psychoanalyzing james joyce's daughter weirdly enough and like young had to pull beckett aside and be like look this pussy's mid yeah this shit sucks it's whack he's like listen this is some dry ass shit i'm carl i'm dr carl young and this pussy dry fuck bubble young yeah that pussy cat. For real. Yeah, Carl Young with Matt Rice fucking outfits. And he's like, and by the way, I'm going to fuck her. Actually now.

I'm going to do a bunch of cocaine with Sigmund Freud and we're going to fuck her. Yeah, so as James Joyce was dying, Beckett, like, you know, obviously every Irish writer, especially back then, they all want to be James. He's like the Michael Jordan of the country. Beckett actually translates Finnegan's Wake for Joyce because he has so many STDs. He's blind. He's an alcoholic. He's laying in his bed.

And every day, he'll just be like, eh, pee. in his bed and every day he'll just be like pee and then he'll write a big P on a piece of paper and Beckett's like very good and it took him nine years to write a book doing that because he was so blind yeah he would just have a huge

piece of paper and he would write one letter this big on a piece of paper and then turn it and then write another there's gonna be some Oscar winning movie that comes out about the whole process. It'll be three hours long. Just a grumpy old man shitting himself and sniffing.

And demanding filled underwear. Right. He's blind. So they try to sneak a man's ass in his face. He's like, that's not a woman. I can smell it. He'll be played by Eddie Redmayne.

That little fag. It smells like sour cream. That means there's He'll be played by Eddie Redmayne, that little fag. It smells like sour cream. That means there's bars there. Who is Eddie Redmayne? Redmayne again? He's that little piece. I don't know. He pisses me off for some reason.

That little fucking Scottish twink. That little weird twink that played Stephen Hawking. Yeah. He literally won an Oscar for going, Yeah. He played the smartest guy of all time, who was oddly retarded. Then he played the Danish girl.

He played a trans lady. Right after it. And then he was in that movie about Abby... Shapiro? The Five. Yeah, Abby Shapiro. They made a movie about the greatest tits of all time. He was in that movie about the Chicago Five.

Oh, that Abbie Hoffman movie. Abbie Hoffman, yeah. That huge hunk of shit from Aaron Sorkin. Yep. Yeah. With Sacha Baron Cohen. Sacha Baron Cohen. He was pretending to be a real actor.

Yeah, and the guy from Succession. Yeah, Jeremy Strong. I'm sure prepared for it for 17 years. He literally did. He did so much ass that he fried his brain. And he's walking around as Jerry... I forget the guy's name, but he's literally just going like, hey man, power to

the people. Yeah, it was really overdone. Yeah. I do like Jeremy Strong because he's so retarded. He's great. I love actors that are retarded like that. That's what they're supposed to do. You're supposed to devote your life to being an idiot and just make it look good for us. One of my favorite actors all time, Daniel Day-Lewis, he was doing Hamlet and thought he saw his real dad's ghost on stage and it went insane.

Like had to like be committed for like a couple of days. And then he never did theater again because he was convinced. Daniel Day-Lewis, really? He's so good at making himself retarded, he really thought he was Hamlet. And he saw his dead dad, his dead gay Irish dad, being like, oh, you fag, you're doing your theater. And then he started weeping on stage. They're all so troubled over there, man.

They shouldn't even be allowed to do art. Like, pencils should be forbidden in the entire country. I'm not kidding. I love Irish people. I've only dated Irish women for some weird reason. I think that country should be scraped into the sea like a plate full of leftovers that have gone bad.

God should take a big chisel. God should pick up that island, hold it over the trash, and just scrape the whole country into the fucking They're sick people. Which is crazy. It's the only country supposedly that will really survive global warming and be fine. But they'll all kill themselves is the problem.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They'll all resort to cannibalism, I'm sure. It'll turn 75 degrees there, and they'll all die of skin cancer. Yeah. Well, they're all pissed off right now because I think a refugee stabbed a bunch of kids.

Oh, in Ireland? Yeah. So they're setting Ireland on fire. Is he like an Arab? He was an Algerian. Oh, in Ireland? Yeah. So they're setting Ireland on fire. Is he like an Arab? He was an Algerian. He was an Algerian. And then like Conor McGregor is one of the big rampage on Twitter. Like,

they need to go! It's turned into a real, you know, conservative like, the fucking Muzzies, they're ruining Ireland! Can you imagine trying to like kill a bunch of people in Ireland? They're like, alright, mister, let's fucking go now. Put him up. Doing the old 1800s box. Yeah, like the Notre Dame

logo. Did you see Conor McGregor's kid, by the way? No. He was posting like, it's like the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my life. It looks like he punched the baby. Like he fought the baby. He punched his, he punched her outer of the pussy. Yeah. He like fucking got the baby like he fought the baby he punched his he married her out of the pussy yeah he like fucking got the baby it was being born he put it in a fucking

triangle and dragged it out yeah you could just see him like i could see him shaking his wife like a trash like she's a trash bag right trying to get open he's doing that with her uterus like a cartoon the baby flies out of her pussy. A cartoon nerd in the ghetto in the 60s getting the money shaken out of his pockets. She doesn't need a push. He's like, Doc, let me punch

the baby out of it. He's Australian. It's me, Conor McGregor. I was going to say, speaking of hunks of shit, Rob Schneider. New Schneider? There's a new Schneider.

New Schneider. New Schneider, wow. You know there's a video that's so funny. It's on like Variety somewhere like five years ago. It's like Rob Schneider breaks down his iconic role.

Yes. Dude, I've seen it. It's great because I've watched those and it's like Williamiam defoe being like well when i played jesus i got into character rob schneider's is every character they like listen i can play a chinese guy i think that's fine he's like i got into care i punched myself in the balls every morning yeah there's literally one it's it's when they they're going through the the

things he's like 50 first dates he's like well i love the hawaiian people i'm a part hawaiian so i can play that guy with the coconut breasts and then they get to i now pronounce you chuck and larry and he goes listen i got a lot of uh i got a lot of christians criticism for this let me just say i think there's only one race and that's the human race and then it just cuts to the next role because like what is your like what like what's your inspiration for going oh yeah like marrying doing a fake gay marriage he had big buck teeth and like a bowl cut in that right yeah yeah he's like he like does like breakfast at tiffany's like uh uh andy rooney characters like big but like he'll just wait he he's the only guy like a 2000s that would be in a movie with a rice hat on, big buck teeth,

and he'd be called the Chinaman with Rob Schneider. And he got plastic surgery to play that role. Yeah. And then he had to get unplastic surgery. You get it. Yeah, they actually do have unchinese surgery. He got plastic surgery to become Chinese, and then he got plastic surgery to become white after that. He went to

those doctors who make Asian women look white that actually exist in China. Do you know that's a real thing? He just rubbed his poop all over his face. In China, their version of a BBL is getting their eyes widened and jawbones put

into them so they look white. What's great is that this movie is coming out. So everyone's bad at him that was a fan of him. Because you know he's like a conservative guy, right? He's a big anti-vaccine guy, right? Yeah, so he posted that this movie is available. And it's only available on DVD at Walmart. Which apparently that's a no-no right now

because of something that they're obsessed with with corporations and Israel or something. Conservatives are mad at Walmart? Yes, for some reason conservatives are mad at Walmart right now. Where are they going? They haven't played Ammonam in months.

They do not have any copies of Delta Farce on VHS. So, Mr. Sam Walton, I say no to you. Yeah, I think they're boycotting Walmart for some reason. It's like a Magotard having to go to the Trader Joe's now. Yeah, right.

Just be like, I heard they had Trader Ming's. Where's all that shit? Fuck is Trader Joe toes? I'm looking for some fucking pasta. You're telling me you made this burrito Mexican. It's fucking disgusting, Trader Jose shit. We are not supporting Walmart no more. I haven't seen any movies for sale where the bad guy's a raccoon.

This is it. We're not supporting Walmart anymore. I'm buying kombucha at Whole Foods. I don't know what it is. Daddy-daughter trip? Yeah. I mean, this looks like a guy steals his daughter and takes her to the desert to fuck her.

Look at the cover. Look at the cover. It looks insane. He's holding her backpack. That face should be on a police bulletin. The car is swerved out in the middle of Route 66. No one's around. What if the tagline is like, that's right, he's going to fuck her in the desert.

The tagline is, that's right, that's the whole movie. That's the whole movie. He'll give her the spring break of a lifetime, even if it kills him. She looks like she's like 10. Why is she on spring break? Yeah. He's like, that's right. They're gonna take her to the devil's backbone and rape her.

That's the whole movie. So apparently, I think it says What is that tumor? Does Rob Schneider have brain cancer? Why is he with a tumor? He must get hit in the head. Old wacky. He must get knocked out. It is probably like on sitcoms how like if a woman gets pregnant, they have to like

either shoot around it or ride it into the show. He probably does have a huge tumor growing out of his head. And they're like, we got to write something at the beginning that he got hit with a big anvil. That has nothing to do with the plot. The producers are like, so listen, Rob's so retarded that his brain's growing a tumor from all his retarded thoughts. So we got to like, first second, he gets hit with a golf ball.

And that explains most of the movie. It says introducing Miranda Schneider. I love when they do. It's his daughter, yeah. Fucking another nepo baby. It's like the lowest version of nepotism.

A girl who made $20,000 in this movie. That he stole. Okay, so my friend Sam at Real real online boy you guys know him he told me that sandler did the saddest like you know when you see a friend promote something of another friends but it's clearly not even really an endorsement it's just that friend is acknowledging like on the instagram story it exists yeah it's where it's it's like a famous talented guy they have a friend who's near homeless and they they clearly like have to shout him out so they can still play golf with him every like the equivalent of the thumbs up

reaction like in text you know like yeah i'm alive and i saw that the yellow thumb emoji yeah not even the yellow not even that it's just hitting hitting the reaction of the thumbs up. Where it comes up really slowly and sad, and you're like, oh, all right. I thought I said something. Yeah, like the reaction where you text your dad, like, by the way, I'm gay now. I'm coming out.

And he just thumbs up, reacts. Blocks you. Blocks you, exactly. Apparently, Sandler said on his Instagram stories, he goes, wow, go get this movie at Walmart. Rob Schneider said he was going to make this movie and he did it. He's like, it exists

and can be watched. It can be watched at Walmart. Yeah. You know Sandler was looking at his stories where he's like, who fucking posted that? Just some guy from his team who got guilted. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out why people are mad though like people with like ron swanson gifs are really pissed off because this is disheartening you know

in quotation stand up to the corporate bullies and against woke culture rob schneider also buy my movie at walmart rob schneider how is walmart woke i don't know what they did that's woke. I don't know why. Because they ain't stopping the blacks from stealing. Woke corporation. I told Walmart, put a sniper's nest at the front door. Let me man it, brother, free of charge. I heard Walmart's going to be selling GTA 6.

Which is full of ratchet hoes. I hate GTA 6, the game where you're going to be able to shoot black people. And I hate it for some reason. That's so funny. That video game trailer came out and everyone on Twitter turned into David Duke.

I know. When it should be their ultimate fantasy. Well, there are a lot of white guys that are like, I can't wait to drive into these things. And you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Which I texted you guys. Those guys are insane, but it is also funny.

Like at Rockstar Games, there's a guy going like, make that black crack whore, make her titty sag a little bit more. Like going to like a guy who doesn't speak, like a full Asian guy, coder. He's like, can we, when they get in the fight at the gas station,

can her whole titty and ass crack fall out? Yeah. I can decode the deck. Just the Japanese guy scrolling TikTok to get a sense of America. So they are fighter alligators and they are Kareens. They hold hammers and they yell at the black teens.

Yeah, they have to teach him all about black culture. It's just like 80 Asian guys, and he's like, so you tell me black guys can cheat, and that's cool, but if a woman does it, no, it's no good. They do not use a cough syrup when they have a cold? We do not understand why the two cups. The coffee syrup don't stop a cough. It give a good time?

That's crazy. Ray give a good time. That are crazy. Ray Ashuto, we're thinking about bringing in your grandfather. He was the animator for Donkey Kong, right? Yeah, we're thinking we might be able to pull him in here. This is a great opportunity for him to do racism. Which he loves so much. Keep up the good work. And remember, no Asians.

Remember, no, not a single fucking Asian in the thing. We want to sell some copies, God damn it. He's an Asian guy knocking on the CEO's door. He goes, we do not, they're penises. We cannot make them big. We just can conceptually not wrap our mind around it. A rock star is I'm wondering how racist it's going to be.

Like your wanted level, it just goes up to five bananas. It's like Jesus Christ, man. Good lord. They reveal, they're like, by the way, these are all black criminals from Florida. It's like Synecdoche, New York for racist Florida.

The game does look like you could go kill Triple X Tentacion in it. Oh, man. It is very funny. They're even playing a Tom Petty song. It's amazing. It looks amazing to me. I'm so excited for it.

We probably can't play it, right? No. It is promotional. No, no, no. They were taking it even off Twitter. They're so excited for it. We probably can't play it, right? No. Well, it is promotional. No, no, no. They were taking it even off Twitter. They're insane about that shit. Oh, okay. We can't play it.

But, I mean, it's going to be awesome. I'm going to get a PS5 just to play that game. I'm literally going to get one too. Yeah. The graphics blew my mind. That woman shaking her ass in the car. I kept rewinding it. I thought it was real footage that they were using.

It's all the graphics. It's crazy. I saw a tweet. I forget like that I thought it was real footage that they were using it's all it's all the graphics it's it's crazy yeah I saw a tweet I forget who that really made me laugh but it just said in GTA 6 you can rape that's fuck dude that's that's an old I used to do that joke oh wait really yeah I used to do a joke on stage right being my one time my friend was like he said something crazy and then I made a joke about and be like, which button's rape? I think, what if GTA, what if this game is going to be like it cures racism? Like it's a fleshlight for racism

because everyone's just too busy shooting black people at home. So you're saying like Anthony Camilla plays 12 hours of this game and he goes, you know what? I was wrong. Yeah, he goes on Twitter and he's like, I don't even care anymore. I'm exhausted. I've had a long day. Yeah, he goes on Twitter, and he's like, I don't care anymore. I'm exhausted. I've had a long day. Yeah, he keeps calming every time a new black guy does.

The horrors that I've seen today, that I inflicted. This is literally what I saw people saying. They're like, can't wait to run into them. Can't wait to drive through them on Twitter. It's fucking insane. I know. Just like three black women. It's just three black women walking.

And they're like, look at these fucking... They're ruining the country! They're getting sun! God, some of these women have huge asses. Yeah, black women have big asses. Black women have gigantic asses, Ben. It's a known thing. Black women have big asses.

That's a chihuahua. Mm-hmm. That's actually a Mexican person That's how they animate them in the games I mean if like You know If like Roxanne Gay or something is in the game Like I'm gonna you know

It would be cool if you could bust into homes Of the rich and famous Like if they were like I mean it's clearly Miami, right? Yeah. It's supposed to be Miami. It would be great if they're like Matt Rice at the improv and you can just like fucking set the thing on fire like in Glorious Bastards. I'm just going to

pretend all these women have their own shows on HBO. Right. Yeah, this is a sketch group. Yeah, you're like where's Amber Ruffin? Is this the Black Lady Sketch Show? Let's get her. God damn it. You're like, where's Amber Ruffin? Is this the Black Lady Sketch Show? Let's get her. God damn it! You're like, show me on the map where Quinta Brunson lives.

This ass is so big. Yeah. It's so realistic looking. Ooh, very good. It's so realistic looking. Hey, everybody. The holidays are stressful enough. It's time to take something off your plate by putting HelloFresh on it. HelloFresh is America's number one meal kit. They send pre-portioned ingredients with

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One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com slash LemonFree with code LemonFree. Thank you, HelloFresh, and back to the podcast. Thank you, HelloFresh. But this, I mean, this coming out, I mean, what an inopportune time for a daddy-daughter trip. Oh, and by the way, so I figured out. It is hot as fuck. I turned the heat off.

Rob Schneider. You want me to turn the fan on real quick? No, no, no. No, no, that's fine. Keep going. I figured I got to the bottom of the Rob Schneider thing. Sure. People are boycotting Walmart right now because they are no longer sponsoring on X.

They don't have ads on X anymore. So they are woke. What were their ads for? But I don't get it because aren't conservatives pro-Israel? And then people pulled out of Twitter because Elon said something that was vaguely anti-Zionist. Yeah, Elon's trying. I think he's creating an electric Jew. He wants them to be less more silent.

He's like, we've created a car. They've created a car that runs entirely off greed. All right. You get in it and you want money and it just starts going you get in the car and then you hold a fish pole with a quarter in front of the car and it just goes right well there goes the second strike sorry it's a great let's go strike two yeah we have no idea what god is so we don't know what to not say. But, you know. Yeah.

Last episode, folks, if you're missing it, we didn't not put out one. We had to put it on. We had to put it on X and Patreon. I guess we have to call it X now. I can't call it Twitter. I call it Twitter. It's called Twitter. Don't call it.

We put it on Twitter. We put it on Twitter. And then Elon screen recorded and posted it on his. Yeah. Just the whole thing without credit. Yeah, but no, Elon's gone crazy, right? I guess. He had that big press conference.

He looked like he was on drugs when he was telling the advertisers to like, they'll fuck off and then everyone will know that they ruined Twitter. I know, which is so funny to like do his big like succession moment. He's like, go F yourself. Yeah. And then like, silence. And then he's like go f yourself yeah and then like silence and he's like no i mean it go go fuck yourself and he like gets like a kick out of it he thinks it's so naughty to say fuck and there's literally one moment where he goes no the thing is jews israel yeah he's go fuck yourself He's definitely on something in that clip. He looks really like he's tweaked a little bit. Yeah, the spectrum.

Dude, Twitter is fucking so insane. The other day I watched a video of six people killed in a drive-by in Puerto Rico. Horrific footage. I watched it three times. I bookmarked it. I bookmarked it. Watched it before I got in. You watched it on the bus with no headphones in

Yeah I bluetooth it To my beats And I'm like fuck It like actually affected me for half a second Made me feel like a human And I'm like Jesus that's horrible And I scrolled down and the guy that posted it He responds to his tweet

And he goes check out my weed store that's like the website right yeah he's like by the way if you like watching puerto ricans get killed check out the chronic order some gummies yeah it's like the sick we live in hell and then but there are people responding to that like is the promo code does that work on dad yeah yeah and they're like by the way r.i.p he's like but if that was my mom in one of the videos can i get a free bag that's what that's why you gotta check you gotta check out you gotta watch rob schneider movies yeah you gotta go down to walmart and spend the 11.99 good god look at he looks like utter shit there yeah he really look at that image he looks like utter shit there. Look at that image. He looks like you killed Matt Riefen and wore his skin.

He looks like a cadaver. We have to go down to Walmart after this and get it and watch it. I would love to watch this on Patreon. On DVD. It's not on Amazon. No one's buying DVDs. Dude, I bought the Blu-ray for The Whale so I could watch the bonus features.

Don't even go more into this. Shut the fuck up. I think I've said this before. I was at Best Buy getting an SD card for the podcast. And Ben goes, by the way, while you're there, can you get the whale? And I just did not respond. I can't fucking take it. I walked past a tower of whale Blu-rays.

That no one wants. I flipped them off. And there was a guy shouting, please, please take them. They're free. And I go, no. goes, please, please take them. They're free. And I go, no. No, thank you. Did you talk about Thanksgiving when we randomly... We were sitting around like it was

a great Thanksgiving. At my house. At your house, Thanksgiving. But we're all sitting around like the guys and the girlfriends and we're just talking and then somebody points out, they go, is that a framed picture of the whale right next to the tv right on the mantle on the mantle oh yeah like a moose head yeah he gets ben bids ben blows all the patreon money on the plastic mold of brendan frazier's face and mounts it like a prize buck but dude never again with the

that was the last Blu-ray. That's the last disc I'll put in it. It took me 45 minutes to figure out where my PlayStation was. I had to get it out. You had to change the HDMI setting. I had to update it. I had to plug it in. I had to figure out where the controller was. It wasn't working. I can't do it, dude. I can't do it.

Because they're not in this thing. And they're not in my Mac anymore. So it's just done. Laptops don't even come with a place to watch one. I bought a laptop this year. It doesn't have anything in it. It's done. That's the only way you can watch this shit. Yeah, they stopped.

That laptop stopped having DVD players because Rob Schneider was putting a movie out. Yeah. And to be fair, the only people watching this movie like have to watch TV in their car. So. Yeah. They're watching it on a DVD system a rich family put in in 2004. And they stole. For their Toyota Matrix.

They have DVD players. So I guess even though there's like 45 different streamers, he couldn't get this on a single one. So it's out on DVD at Walmart. This trailer's a year and a half old. So it's out on DVD at Walmart. This trailer's a year and a half old. Can you imagine calling Truvy and they hang up on you? Yeah, calling like Fubi. Tubi.

Tubi. Yeah. I mean, it takes like three days to finish a movie on Tubi. I think people were telling this guy, Rob, please have another place we can support your work, other than Walmart. Kind of pushing a boycott on them. Thanks.

And then someone immediately comes in and goes, you can purchase a rent digitally from several places. Voodoo, Google Play or YouTube. Yeah. I love one of the places is like they're like Google Drive has it. Yeah. You can watch it on Google Drive. This guy goes, thank you. I was looking to buy physical copies of all his work, but not support the huge corporations as much as possible.

Jesus Christ. He wants it on his he wants it on his shelf can you imagine a guy with like a really good hi-fi system like flipping through guy fucking amoeba looking for the rob snyder collection he's like he's like do you have the you don't have the unrated cut of uh i now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. Yeah, and someone goes, you want to have physical copies of his shit in case there's an EMP that goes off and destroys all digital copies. I mean, Rob Schneider's fans are like people

who live inside rocks. You want the physical copy because the streamers are deleting classics. Oh, God. Okay, can we watch some of this trailer? Sure, go for it. Damn. It's premiering first in Arizona at Harkins Theater.

I mean, what even is that? I don't know. That was two years ago. Harkins Theater? It doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, that could be. They're playing the movie on the side of a turtle at a drive-thru.

By the way, is this technically... Yeah, the movie will premiere on a guy's phone on the subway and the movie ends when the turtle finally walks out of frame. Yeah, movie will premiere on the bus while a black guy watches it. It only exists on one black teenager's phone on the bus. The sound system is a cup that the phone

is in. You could take this DVD to Africa where they literally play. I'm not making a joke movies on the sides of cows as like because they don't have a sheet. Sure. And they'd be like, no, no, we don't. We do not care for Rob's opinion on the vaccines. We all have AIDS, so we do not like, we need AIDS vaccine because we keep raping babies, which is true.

The babies have AIDS. No, it's true. I think we talked about it. It's true. It's been confirmed. Yeah, it's true. I think we talked about it. It's true. It's been confirmed. Yeah, it's actually true. I heard it on Huberman. Yeah.

Huberman did a whole episode about it. Yeah, Huberman's run out of ideas. His newest episode is like, which race is the worst? We have a scientist who's going to break it down. Who to stay away from for your mental health.

15 studies done at Compound Media say... Oh, my God. I'm wondering if anybody is going to tell that they couldn't afford to film outside of a hospital. Yeah, that's like a digital image of a hospital. Scottsdale Blood Center. They took a picture of a image of a hospital. Scottsdale Blood Center. They took a picture of a blueprint for a hospital

that hasn't been built yet. And just put it on screen. Okay, round two. Mr. Bublé, you can only give blood once or you'll start to feel weak. I'm here to donate blood. I'm here to donate blood. So it's like we get to see a lot of characters.

Like this is like a this is a big, it's a collection of his characters. He's showing off like all the many. He's like master of disguise. He's very much like Scorsese at the end of his career. He's reflecting on all the characters he's done. Yes. And making a meta commentary on them.

You don't get paid for your blood. You get paid for plasma, right? Or am I kind of showing my ignorance here? I don't don't get paid for your blood. You get paid for plasma, right? Or am I kind of showing my ignorance here? I don't think you get paid for blood that often. Because it's kind of a scam. Plasma you do. I knew plenty of people that did the plasma thing. Plasma and cum you get paid.

What's the difference between plasma and blood? I think plasma's in your bones. Yeah, they suck it out of your bones. But blood, you give it and they actually, any blood that's given for free, they end up selling that to hospitals. So they actually make money off of free blood. Yeah. I think John was making money selling plasma for a little bit.

John's probably got like 80 kids across the country. Making money isn't the right choice of words there. John was getting bus fare. He was giving blood for the cookies. Yeah. Isn't it funny that John technically doesn't have a job, yet he sleeps in an office? He's the only unemployed man who sleeps in a place where people work. Oh, he's the most employed guy I know.

Yeah. It's actually funny. Oh, wait. He works at a bar. He works at a bar. Yeah. But it is funny to say. Yeah.

Who cares? Who cares? No one likes him. He works at a bar. He works at a bar. But it is funny to say. Who cares? Who cares? No one likes him. He works at a bar. No, no, no. That's not true. That's not true at all. John's actually one of my favorite people in the whole world.

He's the best. Yeah, John's fantastic. But it is funny. But fuck him. Yeah. But it is funny. He sleeps in an office and then works in a train station yes he does it's like you took a madman career and then shook it up and then rolled it like

it's like if don draper left work and slept in the gutter yeah don draper was schizophrenia doesn't know what he's doing all right back to the... And I love John. I just did Ida Hour, Ida's podcast, with John. I love John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back to Rob Schneider. That's funny. Because he drank too much OJ? So he passed that for anybody listening.

He had to drink a bunch of oranges at the grocery store because he gave too much blood. Blood sugar was low or whatever, right? Oh. I guess at the hospital they don't take your ID. They just like They just let you dress up like a pilot from 1940. Right. And come in. And just go, are you gay?

Give more blood. Yeah. They're like, do you suck cocks? They're like, oh yeah. He's like, no I do not. Okay, well you can give blood. I think gay people still aren't allowed to give blood, right? Is that true? I think that's true. Wow. that's true. That's fine. Yeah, but I don't want any fucking gay-ass blood.

It's not for AIDS. That's the only reason. Like, if you go to a really shitty hospital in the inner city, they're like, we're going to give you some gay blood, by the way. The guy goes, no, no, let me die, please. I think the blood will make me gay. And the doctor reaches for a bag. It says the gayest blood.

He grabs it. He's like, nope, you're getting the bottom of the barrel here. This blood was from Mr. Hands before he died. No, please. This man was fucked to death by a mule. It's $102 in the bank, Larry. Oh, Adam Sandler's wife right there. Is that really?

Yeah, that's his wife. Nice. Wait, that's really the wife? Let me see here. Yeah, that's his wife. Let me get a look at her. She looks like a fucking hot guppy. By the way, it's clearly like a house behind a PetSmart in LA somewhere. God, it's not great.

This is a house Rob Snyder's squatting in currently. That's her? That's her. Nice. That's Adam Sandler's's squatting in currently. Dollars in the bank. That's her? That's her. Nice. That's Adam Sandler's wife, right? Yeah. There you go.

I didn't expect her to look like that. She looks like female Max Headroom. She's the... She definitely got the Brian Callen eyelid surgery. Yeah, and the Matt Rife jaw implant. She's the waitress at the bar in Big Daddy. Yes. That's how they met. A little trivia for you guys. A little fun fact. A little happy Madison

fun fact. Another fun fact. Amy Mann, those aren't her real tits. I figured that out the hard way. She has fake tits? In Big Daddy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, Leslie Mann? Leslie Mann, excuse me. Not the singer-songwriter Amy Mann. Save me from these big tits.

You better size up. You look like a perfect fit for a pair of double Ds. So they just stuffed her tits in Big Danny? They stuffed her tits because I always thought Wesley Mann had huge tits. Yeah, she has tiny little itty bitty titties. But now she has little itty bitty titties. But now she has little itty bitty titties. Sorry.

I know we're not trying to do Trump. There's no way Judd can... His cum must dribble out of his penis. I can tell that he has the cock that's nestled... He has to push his pubes out of his way to put his cock inside. He comes like when a diabetic has to prick his finger and the blood slowly comes out.

He has to prick his finger and the blood slowly comes out? He has to squeeze his dick so a drop of comma rises on the skin. Okay, let's see what his harebrained... Yeah, his harebrained screamed. What is he doing? Inventions of some kind?

A spoon with a fan attached. Yeah. So I think this is Rob One of my inventions, the hit bake. A spoon with a fan attached. Yeah. Morning, sweetheart. So I think this is Rob Schneider's... Surely this isn't his wife. She shares his last name. The 10-year-old?

Well, I don't know. I mean, he's very right-wing. He has some crazy ideas. He did spend a lot of time in Thailand. There is a scene where he turns the camera he goes by the way i did i don't fuck her you're like what he goes hey there's a scene where he goes time out from the movie real quick i don't fuck her my daughter by the way all right time in how do you think adam sandler reacts when his wife is like i'm going to

film this movie with rob schneider like do you think he's like, just get on OnlyFans. Do anything else. He goes, all right, I'll do another deal with Netflix so you can have the bar mitzvah movie. His family is pimping him out like a fucking show horse now. Who, Sandler? Sandler. He just did a movie for his daughter. His daughter has a movie on Netflix called

I'm Not Coming to Your Bat Mitzvah. Really? Looks like a real hunk of shit He's probably into it though He seems like the best guy in Hollywood I'm a big Sandler fan I think he just is like I have an empire

He's a great guy His family is holding him hostage With love. So, are we going to get to go somewhere fun for spring break? How are we going to pay for it? I want to do something special for me. Jesus Christ. You do realize we're living at my friend's house. I gotta warn you, I fart in my sleep.

Larry, please, just don't break our daughter's heart. Does anyone understand what's going on? It's so funny a guy like this was raging against like the woke culture ruining comedy I know

and he's like they don't let us get away with it anymore and you cut to this trailer and it's just him being like a woman farting and he's like yikes he's like yeesh and he goes the, yikes. He's like, yeesh. And he goes, the left. He goes, the left. These liberal cocks are ruining comedy.

These kids at college, they won't let you use a whoopee cushion anymore. Can't pretend it like it is, you know? I have a fart machine and they get all angry at me when I use it. There's something... I have no clue what's happening. Why is he the tin man right now?

I think he's doing one of those human statue things. I think he was on stage opening for Sandler at some really... Sandler's in an arena of 80,000 people. He lets Rob Schneider go up for 15 minutes and just eat. Nine hours before the show starts.

Like, it's just guys pushing brooms and Rob being like, so I'm half Chinese, half Puerto Rican. Yeah, it's like Altamont. There's like 13 people killed. Yeah, the Hells Angels go on stage and stab him. The Hells Angels have like cattle prods. They're trying to stop an angry mob of people

from killing him. No, the crowd is trying to stop an angry mob of people from killing him. No, the crowd is trying to stop the Hell's Angels from... They've turned. The crowd's like, don't do it, don't do it. You've got two priors. Apparently he started going off on stage. He was bombing and then he started doing

anti-vaccine stuff. Everybody was not really feeling it. it's not funny but then he did the classic thing of like oh fuck you guys then like you don't think that's funny or whatever because it was all silent and then I think Sandler got on the God mic was like alright Robbie

that's enough you can get off now I think you've done enough time very good time to leave he goes alright Robbie if I die you'll be dead in two years get off the mic he can only tell him the truth when he does his alter ego voice He goes, all right, Robby, if I die, you'll be dead in two years. Get off the mic. He can only tell him the truth when he does his alter ego voice. You're a pathetic hack.

I saved your whole career. You're a complete loser. You're an embarrassment to me. My friends and family. I hate you, but I know your dad will stop if I don't get the jobs. You've been a particle girl on my bed oh shit that's so funny yeah apparently

like in front of like 50,000 people was like alright very good you just gave him a very good

he was very good very good Rob time to leave that's like the Astro Dome too yeah imagine too you're backstage

you're about to perform for 50,000 people and this guy is just eating crow on stage. Hit the fuck off. Also pretending he's bombing by talking. He's probably doing that like, oh, you're too woke for you? It's like you're performing for people who just figured out about the water boy. I don't think it's like

a crowd of leftists. It's like freaking out. Sandler has Tim Hurley on the mic. He goes, what you have just done is the most embarrassing. Steve Buscemi shoots him from the crowd. I'm glad I called that guy. So what

I can't figure out, I'm pretty sure there's a girl that's farting in bed with him, but he's still married to his wife. But he's with like a fat chick in bed. Yeah, I don't still married to his wife. But he's with a fat chick in bed. Yeah, I don't get that. Or maybe his sister lives with him or something. I don't know.

Anyway, now he's dressed up like the... It's like trying to break down Tenet. It's like one of the most confusing trailers. Yeah, yeah. I won't. A daughter with a dream. To get fucked in the desert. Me and my family are going... a daughter with a dream to get fucked in the desert a daughter with a dream

to be born to anyone else in America you think she goes to school and she lies she says my dad's Jeffrey Epstein Who's your dad? Woody Allen Yeah my mom's Jesse Lynn He goes to the thing

The job day or whatever Career day He just starts bombing in front of the kids Alright well fuck you guys then Tell us your plans for spring break. Me and my family are going canoeing, Butterfly Wonderland, and we're also going to Arizona.

That's where I'm going to get fucked to death. My dad's going to anally rape me in Monument Valley. That's where dad said he's going to Gabby Petito me. Dad wants to make his YouTube career take off, so he's gonna rape me and kill me. My dad's a travel vlogger. He's gonna go to Carstonehenge and rape me. He bought a couple drones and a sprinter van.

He converted the van so he could rape me in it. I think he poisoned my mac and cheese. Apparently there was a college football coach that got arrested because he's like, he texted his wife and he goes, oh, did you find out the gender

of the baby yet? I hope it's a girl so if it's a girl, I'm going to fuck her. What? And then they sent him to jail immediately. Wait, what? That's crazy. Who was it? Let me look it up real quick.

I saw that this week. He said that out loud? In a text. In a text. In a text. Where it's there forever. Not even with the disappearing ink. Oh, my God.

It was Nick Saban. I'm a fucker. This is a great Google search. Football coach, rape baby daughter. Oh, here it is. Here it is. Wait, wait, wait. No, this is...

Man, there's a lot of coaches raping women. Oh, it's nonstop. By the way, this is the heyday of female teachers fucking their kids. I know. It's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful time to be alive if you're in high school. And honestly, if any of these kids come out and pretend that it affected their life,

they're fucking gay as shit. I have no respect for that. You take it. I don't care that May, December just came out and we all of a sudden give a shit about young men that were fucked. You know what's funny? I can't find it because there's

so many. Yeah. Jesus, they all funny? I can't find it because there's so many. Yeah. Jesus, they all rape kids. I mean, it's literally part of the job. It's impossible to find. Literally, you're in the interview, and they're like, all right, now we like our head coaches

to rape the kids. He said really? Wait, wait, wait, Ben, what? What was the story again? He texted his wife. He was trying to figure out what the gender of his baby was gonna be. Did you just Google rape daughter to have it come up?

Jesus Christ, dude. God damn it, dude. You're fucking, this is like, the government tracks this shit, man. You're about to have a daughter. Also, it said daughtert. So they're going to be like, he's retarded and a pedophile. They're like, we know if he misspelled daughter, he's going to really rape her. I think it was football.

Coach, rape, baby, maybe text put text coach rape baby text or maybe molestation this is like maybe nothing exists on oh i think this is it oh i think this was it recent was it three days ago uh arkansas football coach benjamin coney oh this they were stalking a child and conspiracy to commit rape oh i mean that's no big deal it might have been this i mean it's conspiracy come on i mean dude it literally happened so often we there was a guy at our at our school who was a coach who fucked a bunch of kids. And the whole town was like, let him back. Fuck that girl. He's like, he fucked him really good. No, we were at football games and people had banners like, let Coach Tears get his dick wet.

Let him do it. That's so crazy. Oh, so here. So this is the couple. They, in a chilling detail, she told the detective our husband once told her he wanted to have a baby

and if it was a girl, he could have sex with her, according to the affidavit. Jesus Christ. Well, she could also be ratting on him because she's a part of a sick thing, too. Yeah. I also love him being like, if she's a girl, I'll rape her, but I'm not gross. Yeah. I won't fuck

my boy. Good God. Look at that cheek acne on her. To quote your thing, like, a judge should just be able to look at people and decide if they're guilty. I'm not kidding. That should be passed. You should just do the eyeball test.

Look at both of them. Look at both of them. I would tell the bailiff, just blow their heads off. Yeah, just push them into the pit. Yeah. A big pit. They should just be killed with a hammer, really.

A guy should go over with a big cartoon hammer and just start wailing. You should make should just be killed with a hammer, really. A guy should go over with a big cartoon hammer and just start wailing. You should make them fight each other with a hammer first and then kill the winner. Oh, so this was a minor league football coach in Arkansas. That checks out. Of course he's a minor league coach. How are they in their...

Devin! Very good. How are they 25? I mean, this is what... I like, they barbecue fruit roll-ups. That's what happens to your body. Well, this is what a lot of people, have you ever watched, like, a true crime documentary? And it shows two people that look like this. Like, they look like they're in their 40s.

And it's about some grisly murder that they were both a part of. And then it ends and it goes, they were both 17. Yeah, and they graduated, they were gonna graduate high school that year. They never even graduated high school. And you're like, what the fuck? They both died from aneurysms.

Literally, it looks like John Candy and Laura Linney now. And you're like, what? They were 17? Before facing prosecution, Brian choked to death on gushers. Okay. Are people going to be mad because we're talking about Rob Schneider raping his daughter?

Listen. What, the Schneider heads out there? What if everybody who loves Lemon Party also loves Rob Schneider? I would quit the show. We might be fucked. It's so funny to me that during the film, he keeps turning, looking into the

camera and go, by the way, I am not attracted to my daughter. I want everyone to know that. He goes, hey, second time out of the movie, I'm not going to fuck her. I saw Rob Schneider outside of a coffee shop like six or seven years ago in Hollywood. Was he begging for change?

Near the art club. He has a big board that says, we'll do Filipino accent for money. He was walking through the Jack in the Box drive-thru. You saw him trying to fake EBT cards. But I actually, you know how I always told you guys, I get like,

anytime I see anybody, I try to have any moment with them. Sure. I rolled my window down and I couldn't think of anything because I get like, anytime I see anybody, I try to have any moment with them. Sure. I rolled my window down and I couldn't think of anything because I like, he stinks. But like,

he is, I do respect, like he's funny in like big, like he's funny in those characters in the good Sandler movies for like, you know, he's in it for like five,

10 minutes throughout. He's talented. He can be funny for five seconds at a time throughout a movie. Yeah. But on his own, it's, you know, but I just rolled the window down,

and I go, Schneider! Fuck yeah! And I drove up, and he was like in, he seemed like he was in a business meeting or something in front of a coffee shop, and he looked really furious at me. And I'm in my piece of shit jalopy. I was delivering Postmates, I think.

He goes, hey, I'm trying to do a job interview at a Starbucks. Excuse me. Yeah, he was washing himself in the bathroom. I'm trying to sell knives door to door. It's a big job for me. Let's see. Money to go canoeing.

Listen up, poop faces. Poop faces? Mira's going to all those places. A broke dad on a mission. I mean, his face is so fucked up in this. He looks like Norma Desmond. He looks like Sunset Boulevard. Like, look at how insane he looks.

This looks like Mommy Dearest. You know why it is really fucked up, though? It's because he's doing the thing where he's dyeing his hair really dark. Yeah. Like brown. Yeah. And that's doing the thing where he's dyeing his hair really dark. Yeah. Like brown. And that's just, it's so jarring. It actually makes you look much worse and older.

It always does. Yeah. It always does. You literally look like fucking strangers with candy. Like you're trying to go undercover as a high schooler. What is he? He's Jewish and Hawaiian? I think he's Jewish, Chinese, and Puerto Rican.

Something like that. The three funniest races. So he's taking his daughter on vacation. Kind of, I'm going to piss on you in the desert. So here's the plot of it. He's He has a jar of quarters.

That's all the money he has to take his daughter on vacation. He saved it because it was their rape jar around the house. Every time he rapes, he puts another dime in. What movie are you watching? We're going of watching other... Wait, was he stuck in a car wash? No, he said, we're going to go to a water park, and he took her to the car wash because he obviously has no money or something.

Which is, by the way, kind of a stolen joke from a Martin Lawrence movie. Which movie? National Security, I think. They go through a car wash. He's like, man, when you're in the hood going to a car wash, it's like going to Disneyland it's like a ride you know Luke Wilson's like alright man hell yes

add it to the joke thief compilation I'm gonna make throughout the week of Rob Schneider I'm gonna make a thumbnail that says Rob Schneider joke thief it's gonna be a 40 minute documentary it's gonna take 4,000 hours I'm gonna miss the birth of my daughter

To make it To expose this fucking frog Katie's like Ben my water broke You're like not now sweetie I'm plugged in I'm watching soy sauce holocaust For the 40th time That's the name of his special by the way Because he's half Chinese half Jewish

Soy sauce holocaust That's very good Soy sauce holocaust It rhymes too Can you Oh. Soy sauce holocaust. That's very good. Soy sauce holocaust. It rhymes, too. That's edgy. Very good. Can you imagine dying in the holocaust so Rob Schneider could do comedy? What movie are you watching?

We're kind of watching other people watch movies. What are we doing? We'll still have fun. I mean, who made this trailer? Is the movie... I mean, this might have been edited on an iPhone. Yeah, the movie must be impossible to understand, so the guy that made the trailer was like,

I don't even, I don't know. I have no clue. There's no through, like, it makes no sense. Nothing makes any sense. This trailer was made on the splice app on an on an iPhone on an iPhone 4 the way the girl goes we're watching other people watch a movie and

then it never showed like any the punchline like I think they were technically outside of a drive-in but like I thought there were homeless people there this is these are the editors trying to solve. They have all the footage.

They have all the footage and they're trying to put it together. To understand the plot of Daddy Daughter. An editor wheels up. He wheels up. It's McConaughey.

McConaughey puts in the VHS of Daddy Daughter Trip and just makes Woody Harrelson watch it while drinking out of a fucking fifth. Oh, fuck. He's going, nah, man. Nah, fuck. Fuck, man. Don't show me this shit, man.

I got to rewatch season one. I watched it like five months ago, but I want to do it again. Yeah, I'm going to do a rewatch pretty soon. It's so fucking good. I think we might hang out with Nick Pizzolatto in Austin. That would be incredible. Oh, by the way, tickets might

already be sold out for the Austin, Texas show. Go to lemonparty.life. We're doing a live podcast there. Austin, Texas February 7th at 10pm at Sunset, Austin. Sunset ATX. These are all the places Mira wanted to go on spring break.

Maybe you can join us. Maybe if you let us rape your daughter with you. I mean, I'm not kidding. Rob Schneider, literally, he looks like the grandma

from like Minari. Yeah, he's gonna set his daughter's house on fire accidentally. What is going on? He does look like a grandmother. He looks so bad. Yeah. Okay, so he got his thumb chopped off. Go! Oh, there's the bump.

Oh, I got it now. By the way, go back. Go back, Ben. Go back to the scene. Yeah, this. You know that he filmed this at the same time they were filming Grown Ups. He asked Sandler, can we just use the same cameras? He was like, can't use the same cameras.

Use the same location, but not the same camera. So they were like, Sandler's like, here's a GoPro. Just hurry the fuck up. Here's a GoPro. Here's a GoPro. I feel sorry for your daughter. I have no respect for you. If we stop talking, your daughter will die. I was nervous when you spoke at my Mark Twain award.

You made me uncomfortable. You're the least talented person now. It's Sandler's Mark Twain and Rob Schneider comes out in Chinese face. Oh, Mr. Mark Twain award. A big American honor. Sandler's just like, wait, what?

Got it, got it. Rob Schneider, not a comedian, but guess who is is It's the What is that The Hanukkah song Put on your yarmulke Yeah Where it says

Who's a Jew and who's not It's time to kill Rob Schneider I'm not Danica A little help I'm not touching you. I got this. Is that John Cleese? Motherfucker.

God fucking damn. I think he's super anti-woke. Yeah. Yeah. No, John Cleese, I can guarantee you, was at his fifth divorce. And they go, by the way way you're going to have to start working with Rob Schneider because for the fifth time

you've got all your money taken from you I love how they're like we have a movie that's really going to stick it to the woke crowd daddy daughter trip well the ending of the movie is she dies from myocarditis and then he goes facts she's killed in her BLM riot The movie is she dies from myocarditis.

And then he goes, facts, facts. She's killed in her BLM riot. Why does everybody look like shit in this, by the way? Because they're near death. Their careers are dying. Yeah. I guess the end of it could be like the road trip ends in Charlottesville. Yeah, I'm wondering how this is.

I mean, it's not an anti-woke movie. It's just a dumb fuck movie. There probably is at least one moment where Schneider tells off a trans person or whatever. I bet he goes to the school and there's some gay shit going on at the school. You're probably right. There's one kid who goes up to him and he's like, I identify as a

cat because I'm a straw man argument for anti-trans rhetoric. Oh, yeah. And he's like, well, you cat because i'm a straw man argument for anti-trans rhetoric oh yeah and he's like well you're fucking retarded yeah yeah and then like turns to the camera and gives a thumbs up probably yeah all right let's see how this uh ends here what if what the movie you just see john cleese in a scene pull a gun out and kill himself because he realized what he was the piece of shit he was actually making. It's really fucking me up that that's his real daughter. And like this is something he wanted to do that

he thought was like this incredible thing as a father. He brought her into the world and now he's like he's trying to make her a star. Yeah. Imagine 14 years you force your daughter on the lemon party. Come on pod. Come on, Pod.

You can do it. You can do it, baby. Come on, talk about Grand Theft Auto 7. Just say it, say it, retard. She's probably going to sue me for putting her in that sketch we just did. She could. She didn't consent.

You might have to hide the video. She wins the lawsuit and you have to hand her $20 out of your wallet. He's like, I'll make my daughter respect me by getting in a film. And she gets there and she's like, why is there no craft table? There's no craft snacks? Why are you on that penny? Why'd you guys shoot this 100 miles outside LA's city limits?

Is it to avoid unions? It's going to be so awesome if your daughter grows up and she wants to get into entertainment and she's killing it, but she's in all the shows that we would make fun of. She's like, I'm hanging out with, you know. Devin. Devin.

I love. She's a very sweet person, but I'm just saying. That, you know, the industry crew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, all right. And you go upstairs like a troll. And you just say retard with us in a dark room. No, I get it.

Like, she's playing video games with Bo and Yang and making Instagram stories about it. Yes. Your whole crew. And, she's playing, like, video games with Bo and Yang and, like, making Instagram stories about it. Yes. Your whole crew. And then she comes back home. And she comes back home to you. And we're in this room. And we're in this room going to be, like, we're literally like the I Am Legend zombies, just, like, in a circle.

Yeah, just go. Just standing up in the dark. By the way, being actually bad people. Yeah. Being actually bad. Bad. At that point, if they kick us off the internet, I go, good. Yeah.

Good. Finally. Good. We deserve to go to hell. We don't deserve this money. You're having to drop your daughter off at the NBC lot. Yeah. And you're like, can I maybe come and hang?

She's like, I don't think. Not today. Your daughter's dating Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson's tweeting texts between you guys. He tweets a text where you send him your gaping ass. Yeah. It's like the Kanye stuff. Pete Davidson's antagonizing Ben.

He's like, guess who I'm next to in bed right now? Ben's losing his mind. He's cocking his hunting rifle. Ben's calling Charlemagne the God. Still one of my favorite was Kanye just calling Charlemagne the God and saying, my wife is getting fucked by a white boy with a 10-inch penis and no one cares. That's pretty good.

Just screaming that into a phone. Okay, this is the last 10 seconds of the trailer. Somehow we've made it through the full thing. I just want to see if there's one, you know, there's an apotheosis of this whole thing. Like one big joke at the very end that we all go, ah, we got to go to theaters. Oh, we got to go to Walmart and get this film. I'm calling it right now the end of the trailer is going to be a Venmo handle

like he's a trans person trying to get out of like an unhousing situation it's the Venmo QR code yeah okay here we go the best brain break of our life. God fucking damn it. Jesus Christ.

And it's only at Harkins Theater. Harkins Theater. Which literally, which sounds, by the way, it sounds like, I don't think that's a real theater. I think it's a guy in town named like John Harkins who has a big living room. Yeah. He has a 60 inch 60-inch TCL. Oh, man, I've never seen a trailer for a movie, and at the end it says,

by the way, it's only in one theater. It's in one theater. It's going to be the first premiere where the red carpet is made out of paper. Just one of those big rolls, and they push it down. God bless Schneider. God bless it down. God bless Schneider. God bless Schneider, baby. Yeah, that's a hunk of shit.

I guess he's promoting it now. The idea of stand-up grew because when I was young, there was no stand-up. As a matter of fact, Jerry Seinfeld said this thing, which I agree with. What?

What is going on? Why are there old men? Are they in a Monty Python sketch? What's going on? They're in that room in The Shining. There's old men in bowler hats drinking beers. Warm beer, it seems.

Like background characters? This is so strange. This don't know. This looks like Twin Peaks The Return. This is very confusing. This was two weeks ago on GB News, whatever that is. What the hell is GB News? I'm going to their X page. Oh, it's like John

Cleese's The Dinosaur. It's just a weird, bad channel. Britain's News Channel. Apparently this is really popular. I'm sure it's like PragerU for like England or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sky News like Australia. Where they have like English Alex Jones on

just talking about, you know, packies and stuff. Okay, yeah. Just more bullshit. Yeah. More bullshit for retards. More bullshit for different retards than our retards. 1975, there were 40 comedians, and eight of them were good. In 1985, there were 4,000 comedians, and eight of them were good. And I think it's true.

He told me not to go to the universities. I got an earlier. What did Ben do? He said, don't go. He said got an earlier. Ben. Crazy. There's a cat trying to eat that statue of a marmot. I love trying to see

here's how we'll seem not out of touch about our wokeness conversation. We'll surround ourselves with 90 year old Englishmen. In outfits from the 1910s. also schneider is wearing i think a puka shell necklace and a fedora at the same time yeah yeah that's right yeah literally like a guy trying to get pussy in 1994 yeah yeah he's a yo-yo surfer yeah getting kicked out of a big bad voodoo daddy's concert for trying to rape a 17-year-old.

Man, that sucks ass. People and friends was, don't be so uptight. He's Dick Tracy, but he's searching for laughs. Sucking Dick Tracy. Sucking Dick Tracy. He's like, yeah, see, we'll get a punchline here. Yeah, see. Yeah, we'll talk about

litter boxes in schools, Shane. Wokeism is intolerance dressed up as manners. In fact, I mean, who would want to be anti-fascist? I mean, they sure dress it up nicely, don't they? Who isn't anti-fascist? I'm anti-fascist. Who's for

Hitler? And then everyone in the room raises their hand. They all raise their... They hold their beers up. Yeah, I am. This is being shot in Argentina right now. This guy raises his hand and he goes, I am Hitler.

And they have my cum in the fridge that they pump into big booty Latinas down here in the Argentine. It is always a funny point of condition where they're like, well, who loves Hitler? It's like a lot of people. A lot of people. You'd be very surprised. You'd be shocked. Yeah.

There's 3,000 books about the guy. There's like 4,000 documentaries. Yeah. There's like, he's like Elvis for a lot of people. The History Channel loves him. Netflix loves him. Baz Luhrmann should make a Hitler documentary. Yeah. Bl loves him. Netflix loves him. Baz Luhrmann should make a Hitler documentary. He's blasting Rihanna over it.

And Tom Hanks is in it as fucking Himmler. He's the same guy. He's a Jewel? Wait, he's a Jewel? The History Channel should just be renamed the Hitler Channel. Because it already has the big H.

You don't even have to change it. Just add one more H. At any time of the day, you can turn it to the History Channel and Hitler. You just see Hitler. They changed the name to the Good History Channel. And add one more H and a wink next to it as the logo.

At a certain point with Hitler, it's like, did he really do that much? I mean, can you make 4,000 documentaries about the guy? I mean, did he really do that much? Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Okay, there's a documentary I'm watching on Netflix right now. It's about World War II.

It's really good. It just came out. It's incredible. What's it called? It's just called World War II. Okay. It just came out yesterday. The footage is insane the footage is insane it's all real footage do they color it too it's colored too it's like the beatles documentary but for world war ii

and you're watching it you're going this was the worst guy ever but the most ambitious like the most ambitious like he almost got away with it. He really almost did it. He almost took over the whole fucking globe. It's crazy. And only really lost because he just got too addicted to meth at the end and started doing wild crazy shit. He only lost because he had

a third act of Goodfellas ending. Driving around in a Volkswagen looking for the fucking Jews in the sky. I think that's the thing people get mixed up with because he's clearly a bad person, but he was a great man. You know what I mean?

He was. He was successful. He was driven. I just got taken off YouTube. I mean, unbelievable. No, but I prefaced it with he was a bad person. But mean, unbelievable. No, but I prefaced it with he was a bad person. But a great man. But a great man.

You're going, I love Hitler. I'm holding a thumbs down. My thumb is down. I think he sucks. His fingers cross. I think Hitler sucks. Look at him. Look at him. Look at them.

No, he's fine. It was a long time ago. It's crazy when he got away with it. When they invaded. By the way, he didn't get away with it. Oh, no. For a while he did. For a while he did.

For a while he did. Dude, if Japan never bombed Pearl Harbor, which, by the way, isn't it weird that Hanukkah starts on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor? Kind of makes you think. Anyway. Holy shit. Have you ever think of that?

I never thought of it that way. December 7th. Double whammy. Oh, wait, that was yesterday. Yeah. It's currently Hanukkah? I think it's today. Oh, it's today.

Seventh, yeah. On my street, there's a big inflatable menorah that says Happy Hanukkah on it. Did you guys not see it? I bet you had some problems with that. I bet you're like, I'm going to replace this with another symbol on fire. I go outside, I put on boxing gloves, and I just

like... On each candle? Yeah, come here. I'll teach you about Hitler. I'll teach you about Hitler. You're good. I'll teach you about Hitler I'll teach you about Hitler real good So like It shows Hitler

The Germans Like they're just killing it dude They're killing it If Japan never bombed Pearl Harbor Would we have gotten involved Like he would have taken over All of Europe No we would not have gotten involved

He would have just kept I mean I know the Russians Did a lot of like work The Russians like really helped hold them back. We pushed them back from the other side too. Yeah. And we were the ones who finished off Japan as well. Yeah, yeah. No, we did great work. Apparently, Japan

did great work. Hitler was... When they were invading North Africa, the things that they did were like... They put brooms on the back of the tanks just so the dirt would rile up. And it looked like they had way more men invading and they just took over. That's pretty cool.

It's really cool to me. That's awesome. And the North Africans liked the Germans more than the British because the British were just such smarmy cocksuckers.

Right. And they'd also been in Africa for like fucking 500 years. There's videos of like North African guys just like like like a guy that looks like patrice just like doing like the heil hitler well the funniest thing too is also people pretend they're like hitler just made us do all they like no every german was into it you know for the most part it seemed like people over

here were into it too oh yeah i mean there was like a this is a very funny video of it it was like an old woman who she's like fucking 98 and uh they're like doing a toast at a party and they're like toast nana toast and she lifts up the glass she goes hell yeah and they all go no no no no no no just because she flashed back to fucking 43 yeah yeah i i bet j Japan really regrets that You'd think they would In hindsight But it's crazy We can still go to sushi plazas Listen they made a Godzilla movie They know they fucked up

They know they fucked up They woke in a sleeping giant As they say Hey you know We were trying to make tempura that day Yeah Oppenheimer was trying to make tempura that day. Yeah, Oppenheimer was trying to lightly fry them. Yeah.

He's like, we're going to drop a little wasabi in the sauce. A plane flies over and drops flour. A plane flies over and drops a million eggs that crack. Okay. Yeah. And then a bunch of planes and drops a million eggs that crack. Okay. Yeah. And then a bunch of planes with flour, and then you got to do eggs again, a bunch of planes with eggs,

and then a bunch of planes with flour again. Is that how they make the egg thing? Well, this is how you batter something, so then you can fry it. Oppenheimer's deadliest bomb was Hans Kim. Unleash my worst. Unleash my worst creation. He drops all of Kill Tony. Well, I think we're at the...

I mean, if we keep recording, because it is hot in here, we might start singing the praises of Hitler, but not even realize we're doing it. Let's get out of here. I've already said names. Because no one here is aises of Hitler but not even realize we're doing it. Let's get out of here. I've already said names. No one here is a fan of Hitler, obviously. We all think the guy fucking sucks.

You don't have to overcompensate. Hitler sucks. Fuck him. Ben. Ban my channel. I am. Ben. Now we know it's getting too hot in here. I hate it. Ban. Ban.

Now we know it's getting too hot in here. What? I think he sucks. Hitler was the worst. Why is it bad to say he sucks? Hitler was the worst guy of all time. I wouldn't go that far, but he's up there. I'd say he's the worst guy of all time. There's way worse guys up there.

Guy who's like, he's top 10,000 for sure. Bad guys. You think about it? It is funny. You should be able to say that anytime a German guy thinks he's better than you. You should be like, you were responsible for the worst guy of all time.

Hitler. Hitler. You just go, Hitler. And they have to stop talking. Fuck off, idiot. Hitler, shut up. Well, it's weird. Because Austria gave us the likes like Mozart and stuff, right?

And Schwarzenegger, I think. And Schwarzenegger, but also they gave us Hitler. Wasn't Hitler also from, oh yeah, he was from Austria. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really cut from a different cloth over there, huh? I tell you. Dude, imagine if Hitler was really jacked like Arnold Schwarzenegger. You got to be like, listen, he's an evil guy.

But I mean, the guy could fucking bench like 550. You know, that's very impressive. Yeah, I think people actually everybody might be like the Nazi movement might be kind of a thing to this very day. If he was like really jacked. Yeah. If he looked like Sam Sulek. If he was jacked and they figured out he had a huge dick. Because they've said before that

Hitler had a disease where he had a micropenis and his dick was so fucked up the urethra was on the underside of his penis. And they released that info and he had one ball. I forget the name of the disease. I think Lil Dicky has it too where it's your dick's all fucked up and he had one ball and the whole of his

dick was on the underside. So yeah, he just held his tiny dick and pissed out the bottom of it. But it would be very funny if scientists were like, by the way, Hitler, huge dick, fucking tree trunk.

Yeah. And he was really good at eating pussy too. And not, he knew how to use it too. Just at a press conference. Yeah. And he was really good at eating pussy, too. And he knew how to use it, too. Just at a press conference. Yeah. Hitler's the reason there are magnum condoms. Hitler invented fucking from the back real good like.

He's the first guy to fuck from the back. He's the first guy to fuck from the back but do it real good like. Anyway. Anyway, we condemn Hamas uh everything going on that you think's bad we think yeah yeah if you disagree with us we agree with you all bad things are bad we know the reddit waits for us to say something so they can disagree with it well we agree with you now so i know the reason reddits exist for shows is to wait for the host to say something, and then you say the opposite to seem smart and cool.

So have fun doing that. Liveaparty.life for tickets to the Austin show. I think it's sold out. Oh, it is? Okay. I don't know, but Connor told me the other day that he went to it and said general admission. Sold out. Oh, okay.

Well, still try. At that point, we may add shows in other cities. Keep tuning in. We'll see. And we're going to figure out a format for the live podcast as well. Yeah, because there's not really a chance we could just look at each other and do this. No, that's insane.

Yeah, talking about Hitler. We don't even look at the crowd. We're just like, so Ben, pull something up. We're going to do Kill Tony at the live shows. We're just going to do the same thing. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party for more bonus

episodes. Jace at Sad Drawings by Jace, Devin at Hate Watch Pod, and at Devin Costa, and Instagram at Devin James Costa. And we will see you guys next week. Bye! Bye!

What the fuck is this piece of shit? Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rose's Cantina, music would play And Paulina would whirl Blacker than night Were the eyes of Paulina Wicked and evil While casting a spell My love was deep

For this Mexican maid I was in love But in vain I could tell One night a wild young cowboy came in Wild as the wind, wild as the wind