lemonparty - 061: The Character

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  liveshows/merch: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chicken Wings Hey. Do we need to acknowledge why we're in here? Or can we just... Sure, you can say we're in hiding. Yeah, Katie... So Katie said we couldn't podcast at Ben's house anymore. She kicked us out. Yeah, they're actually getting divorced.

Yeah. She's taking everything. Right before the baby's there. Yeah, she kicked me out of the hospital. She was screaming and crying. The doctors had to hold me back because I was trying to fight her. Yeah, you get violent. People don't know this about you.

You're a violent man. Well, especially if people get cross with me. I just see fucking red. And I don't care that she's laying there like a hippopotamus, covered in her own amniotic fluid and blood and stuff in the hospital bed. I was like, let me at him. Let me at him. And they had to hold me back.

I'm trying to beat the shit out of her. You were trying to get a head start on fighting your own child. Mm-hmm. While it was in the womb. She got mad because you were trying to play the whale on that sonogram TV. Yeah. And I kept unplugging all the machines. You already think she's gay.

You're really pissed off. But the baby's not born yet. And we're recording at Devin's because you're going to do the post on this. And so your setup's a little easier. It's a big week. It's a big week. It's a big week. The baby's due. It's coming.

Then you got family coming in, so we can't fucking be in a room right next to Katie's Christian family as we all just scream fag and rebar. Are you boys doing church service over here? We heard you guys screaming fag. We didn't know if you were singing some hymns. What's also funny is they're so nice, they wouldn't even say anything. They'd just be sitting there while you're like,

faggot, faggot, retard, faggot, black boy. And they go, well, it makes them the money. That's how they keep this house. We heard you guys doing the rap. He thinks it's hip-hop. A lot of N-words for even hip-hop. You know, we didn't know band was a member of the Phelps family.

Hey, Devin, what do I hit over here? What's your hotkey? Do I just hit on? Picture on. The very far one, yeah. Don't actually hit the other thing. It'll reset it. It'll do a bunch of bullshit because it's a complete piece of shit device and I want to kill everyone that works at ATEM Mini Pro. And if anyone here listening, they are hunks of shit. It's a complete piece of shit device and I want to kill everyone that works at ATEM Mini Pro. And if anyone here

listening, they are hunks of shit. It's a hunk of shit. I hate using them, but there's no other options. There's no off button, Ben. It's a $600 device that doesn't even have an off button. You have to unplug it. I know. You can buy like a special thing. You can like separate

the wire and buy a thing with a switch and stuff let's keep buying stuff that's it love that keep buying more listen kiddo hold on oh geez did you guys remember this from 2020 yeah i keep thinking about it i keep thinking about this lady i was kind of can i say really quickly i was kind of hoping ben devon was producing and this was going to be his revenge on ben i'm just playing like fucking ASAP rock music videos to make up for all the fat returns. We're going to watch the making of Goodfellas. No, I mean, Devin knows I always have to be steering the ship.

Listen, kiddo, I get it. I don't like the two party system. I think our country's corrupt. And quite frankly, I don't want to vote for Biden. It feels like voting for a Republican. But I'm going to do it. You want to know why? Oh, God. Oh, God. maybe we can do that later kiddo oh god maybe we can talk about it later oh man i just i hope hamas behead yeah well it's crazy she did join the idf i think and i want people to maybe uh find her for me like not her physical location like her digital footprint find her for me. Like, not her physical location, like her digital footprint. Find her body.

Yes. She's disappeared since this video. When did that come out? 2020. This was like the height of the sickness. This was like right before Trump was robbed of the reelection. Right, right.

Right before the Dominion machines were faulting. Right before the greatest day in this country. Which is coming up. Again, folks. Everyone, get your party hats and your kazoos. January 6th is right around the corner. Yeah, that's horrific. I mean, what is...

The smug levels were so high then. Dressing like John Lennon, turtleneck, John Lennon glasses. Having short hair as a woman, which is already annoying. Getting a haircut by a pitbull. She lets her pitbull fuck her and then he cuts her hair. It just eats it. Just bites it off.

While it's doggy style fucking her. Bites her hair from behind. She goes, this is good because I think this is a black person. Well, it's funny that there's this polar opposite. If you dress like that, you're either Steve Jobs or a worthless liberal retard and they're like Toyota. And you're either like getting a little Chinese kids to build their phones until they kill

themselves. Yeah. Yeah. A great man. Yeah. Are using that phone to get a famous guy where he can't make movies anymore. Yes, exactly. I mean, he's using them of raping your smelly pussy.

That woman, that woman literally exists to end all fun and good things. She's a hall monitor for life. Who's that? Oh, are they pretty influential and they're really talented? Well, I have to hate them. And I'm going to take them down now. Yeah, it really was such a

better time. Looking back on it, I'm like, man, you guys really had your fun in the sun, you know? The sun was shining down on the libs for two or three years. There's no sun involved with these people. They're the most depleted of vitamin D

of anybody on earth. Because Joe Rogan recommended it. Yes, exactly. So they can't do it. They can't exercise. They were sucking vitamin D out of their body so they could get long COVID. It's the dream of every woman out of their body so they could get long COVID. It's the dream of every woman, one of these women to get long COVID so bad they have to get on antidepressants. Yes.

Yeah. That is like how it goes, really. They want to be sick, you know? Yeah. Mentally, physically. It's like Phantom Thread. Bring me some clips that will radicalize me in a detrimental way.

And these women were also, it was a beautiful time. I mean, I know it was three years ago, but these women were also having to pretend they cared about black people at all, if they were into it. So it was women who were the human equivalent of birds with oil on them,

being like, I love Young Thug. Right. You hear the new G, the Young G album young g album i missed it see i had my head in the sand i guess were they pretending to love future and shit like that yeah back back then that's amazing well i mean they were obsessed i mean they were they were catching black people like they were pokemon go yeah there was literally i remember being in the final boss was george floyd it really was that was like game it was the end of the game that was their snorlax was george floyd their mute too you were in a green room what happened remember we were in

a green room we were talking about this and uh there was a very famous comic yeah well-named white comic lady lady on a lot of her name is on a lot of tv shows and there was a there's a famous black comic came in with a big afro and i of course i walked to the other side of the room i know no good no good could could come from this yes this lady starts talking to her and literally at one point she's like i love your hair and she just kept asking to touch your hair like she was a dog at like the zoo or something like a like a yeah like a eat like an alt comedy emmett till moment dude i had to step in and like stop the conversation well she started spiraling in a very racist fashion because the white lady told the black lady that she loved.

She goes, oh, I love your black lady show. Yeah. And the black lady was like, oh, what did you see? The premiere was well received, but then episode two, did you like this one part when it went this direction? And clearly she hadn't watched a single fucking second of the show. Well, that's also not a second. Because she was literally just like,

I just love, there were so many blacks. Episode two, so many blacks. The best thing also is that all those shows, they almost were named to make those white women have to say it. I love you on New Negroes. That's my favorite show, The Negro Show on Comedy Central.

I love it. I think it's great. There's a new movie called The Association of Magical Negroes or something like that. It looks like a complete hunk of shit. I saw people upset at that on Twitter. Yeah. David Allen Greer's in it. Okay.

The guy from Detective Pikachu, that kid's in it. Yeah, a lot of real black guys are in that movie, it sounds like. David, you have Twitter on this hunk of shit? MacBook? Yeah, you can go to Twitter. You use a MacBook, you fuck. What are you talking about? What? I mean, it's all better than that.

Yeah, but this thing is so slow. My internet's slow. Nothing slows. Oh, your internet's slow. Dude, it was so funny. Ben and I, before this, we went and dropped off the last remaining package at the post office, and there's a homeless guy out front front and I felt like we could have just handed him his shirt personally.

He's like, yeah, I had an XL. I wish I could have been there, brother. Sure, XL. He was in a fucking sticker, too. Where's my sticker, dipshit? And I go, oh, were you the one for the box outside Applebee's? He uses the sticker as a band-aid to cover up just an open wound.

He's like, I bought this shirt to eat it, not to wear. I got plenty of Lemon Party shirts I made from bootlegs. So this is like fruit leather? I mean, it might be. We literally couldn't send out 6% of the product because people put their own addresses in wrong. Yeah, a lot of the Lemon Party fan base, they think their address is a design on their home. They think it's like a part of the...

Like it's a tattoo. Yeah. Kind of like a Nike logo on a shoe or something. Yeah, that's my house's name. It's 3122. That's my house name. It's the logo. It's the logo. Yeah. logo no one person put their address

they just said my house that's great yeah man that's incredible one person literally did a couple people misspelled their own names i saw one person put tiffany without an s i was like all right here's your quadruple xl lemon party oh the amount of quadruple xls too by the way by the the way, just to know if you open a quadruple XL or if you open a double XL or anything we made fun of you for being fat the entire time we were packing it. I honestly could

at a certain point I couldn't tell if we were selling shirts or termite tents. So you know what's funny? So you have fat people, which comes up a lot on this show. What? No, what? You guys have a weird fixation with fat people very strange that's us you guys have a weird fixation with great big fat people who are disgusting it's very odd and it upsets the listeners frankly i'm always trying to steer you guys away from it but yeah we also wear short shorts on the podcast all the time too too. Yeah. But since it came up, I kept trying to type it on Devin's computer.

I thought the 600-pound sisters, remember them on TLC? I thought they lost weight. I saw on People Magazine. I kept looking it up. I couldn't find anything. I was like, what the fuck? And I figured out. I was like, oh, I'm thinking of the 1,000-pound sisters.

How stupid of me i was i was thinking of the sisters who both were one thousand pounds each i thought i hey this is like a berenstein bears thing like a stove for stovetop stuffing like mandela effect did you guys think that it was the 600 pound sisters or they're two different shows i i didn't think people could still live at a thousand pounds i didn't think so either. You become a different creature. You become something at the bottom of the ocean where it grows anti-gravity walls.

This lady's not 1,000 pounds. No, she lost weight. Was she the 1,000-pound sister or the 600-pound sister? Fuck. Wait, this is bullshit because it says they are the 1,000-pound sisters. Oh, look at that fat fatso. Mother of God.

God, I mean, you know what's funny with the oxygen tube? She looks like a balloon that's deflated. Like that balloon that just kind of drifts across the floor three days after the party. Who's the one next to her? That's her sister. That's the hot one. Yeah, she's the pinnacle of health in that family

and she still looks like shit too. You know, she probably runs around that house and just slaps her in the back of the head. Runs away. Here's the one great justice of getting that fat is that God was like, if you get that fat, you are going to start looking like you have Down syndrome. I can't do anything. I'll kill you at some point, but it is, you can get away with being this weight for a

while, but you will look retarded. Yeah, dude, if a Chinese guy had these eyes on the left, he would kill himself. That's insane. Yeah, that is a lot. Dude, that's insane. Yeah, that's like, she's so fat, that's like racism. You can't see. Yeah, Chinese guys, well She's so fat, that's like racism. You can't see. Chinese guys, you're fat and look Chinese.

And we hate fat people. What's funny is you can lose the weight, but your bones are still fat. Because your body started to put... It's like, fuck the marrow. Just put the fat where the marrow's supposed to go. She's all bone now. It starts to warp like a bow that you shoot

arrows on. Gets all hollow. Good for her. She lost the weight and she put in the work. She put in the work. Do they though or do they just get a stomach staple thing? No, there was a firing squad

that she stood in front of for hours and they shot away. They shoot the fat off of her. No, doctors call it whittling. Like an ice sculptor? Yeah. There was a guy with a chainsaw who wrapped a big leather belt around her and climbed up her. It was just...

Like a logger. Yeah, I couldn't park my car that day because they had the fat cutters on the sidewalk um so i guess she lost like 700 pounds or something jesus she went on the rachel dean diet 700 pounds look at that neck god damn dude oh my god yeah her neck looks like a water park. It looks like a bunch of... Her food says wee when she eats it. I will say this, honey. The money, the spigot of money has been turned off, sweetheart,

because nobody's going to make a show about your skin. Yeah, they're like, say goodbye to 20 grand a year. I'll get fat again. I'll start eating again. I swear. I swear because an executive is going to be like, get the fuck out of my office. Take all your skin, put it in that skin wool barrel and you get

the fuck out of my office right now. You disgust me. I'll throw you off the wall in a brother's tower right now watch you float down, bitch. Yeah. And then he puts his hand on the intercom. He's like, find me another piece of shit that's a thousand pounds. You don't think I can't replace you?

You got to walk around with your skin in a wheelbarrow like in Germany when money was useless. Try to sell all your skin for a loaf of bread. your skin for a loaf of bread so here's what's funny about all this too is uh devin your bit about um how uh they're like the judge should be able to look at people yes the judge should be able to look at someone and say either guilty or not like almost like the like the days of caesar with the thumb up and thumb down yeah yeah yeah and this was supposedly like the peak of civilization right in terms of the arts and everything, right? We should probably go back to that.

Supposedly there's a news article. I'm going to look it up right now. Someone sent this to me. Apparently, people get the death penalty based on how they look. Really? Where? Here.

Well, this is basically, this has been proven true. I'm going to look it up right now. Well, because there's always like a documentary or something, you know, like the Jinx or whatever. You look at these guys, their eyes are black. There's a red cross in their cornea, and you're supposed to just be like,

no, we're not sure if he's bad. A human black widow on trial. Oh, yeah, here we go. So here's Time Magazine. Destinances are doled out based on looks, according to them. Yeah, of course they are. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Where is this? In the United States. Yeah. Oh, Devin, don't worry. It's everywhere people are. What does it say? A new study finds that the facts... I'll do it, too.

I can do two. There we go. Okay. A new study finds that the facts of the case it to uh i can do two there we go okay a new study finds that the facts of the case are not the sole determinant of whether or not a jury will issue a death sentence based on the research certain untrustworthy facial features appear to play a significant role in capital punishment citizen they're just talking about black skin certain nose width lip size dunking uh if you could touch the rim right if you're really jacked

but you never work out oh wow yeah so if you're a black guy who kills a white female you're more likely to be sentenced to death yeah i mean you might as well be like you know fucking like a like a something at the zoo that killed somebody. They're not even going to put you on trial. What are you going to court and the judge goes bailiff and he's black too and he just shoots you in the head.

That's happening to Jonathan Majors in New York right now. It is crazy the Jonathan Majors thing. He's getting charged with pushing her away from him so he could run away. I know. I saw the video so I didn't look into it so I didn't have to defend this at parties. But it looked like he was sprinting away from her, right? Yeah.

That's the video. Yeah. That's the video I saw. I mean, it's... Oh, is it this video right here? Yeah. Some viewers may find disturbing. Yeah.

I don't think any viewer finds anything disturbing anymore. Warning. Yeah, this is disturbing. I watched like 10 people die before I took my morning shit. What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? I literally wake up, I grab my phone, I go, oh my God, everyone's getting shot in the head. I go take a shit.

That's the first video this month I've seen where the black guy lives. Yeah, this video should be inspirational. Oh, my God. A black man is alive at the end. Because he was so good at running. He was so good at running. And he still kind of, he didn't get away that quick. Oh, no.

He's going to jail. Yeah. He's going to black jail. It should say this video contains scenes that some viewers may find distressing. And then it says trigger warning black people. It does that warning and then it just plays Ant-Man, The Rise of Kang or whatever it's called. I'm seeing a black person and I'm getting distressed. You watch this video and you call 911.

You say there's a guy trying to steal my laptop. So this is in Chinatown, it said? New York, Chinatown, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. That's it? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not it. That's not it.

Wait. Because they're fighting. They're fighting off camera to the right. Wait, what the fuck? This video stinks. That video is horrible, Ben. Ben, you know, Hatewatch just covered this a lot better than you.

Hmm, sad. Well, Devin, nuke that video because we're on a very tight schedule and Kay's about to shit a baby at her pussy. That can't be it, right? No, no, no. There's a real video where he pushes her off of him and then runs down the street and then it just keeps going and she's just chasing him

throughout Manhattan. Oh, here we go. Now we're talking. Right there. That push, I think that's the domestic abuse he's getting charged with. I think so. Look right here. Right here. Because he's like, get away from me. Right

there. Right there. And then runs. That's what it looks like online. I don't, there's no other video I've seen. And he's just running from her for, you know, miles. I mean, in the court of law, I find this man gay. Well, I mean, he dresses like a fire and brimstone preacher. Your Honor, have you seen his little mug? He's going to have that little mug

and he's going to be rattling on the sails from his cage. what he's gonna be have that little mug he's gonna be rattling on the sales from his cage so who's this uh you know who's this wakanda forever lady he's dating now it's like he's like i'm never dating a white woman again he probably that's probably his lawyer he's like get me one of the women from sister sister that'll like do great for my pr he's like can we hire one of the background actors from hidden figures can we get her in here yeah i mean you gotta yeah she's so bad at running too she's also just like this classic like just just british cunt i think oh she's british you're just a europe french something a european piece of shit i think that i think that was the assault actually was when he he like pushed her back in the car in the car and they're saying that's the assault because he's

trying to escape a psychopath i call bullshit i mean if he was really in danger wouldn't he whip that mug out of his pocket and crack her over the head he always has the mug on her right yeah or on him on himself he's always got that fang on him. Yeah, we got that fang on him. Oh, he should have took out the Bleezy. You think he drinks it sideways? I think he puts another mug in it, and then he drinks it. And everyone in his life's like, they're like, Jonathan, the liquid's falling out. Ain't no thang. Ain't no thang.

I was the last black man in san francisco baby so now he can't be in like ant-man versus retard nine or whatever it is sure he can't play yeah he plays like uh he got fired like immediately right after he got fired from playing kang kang in the rise of kang the rise of kang yeah is that are you bullshitting me it's not a thing called kang yeah it was gonna be avengers 5 The Rise of Kang. He was Kang. Yeah. What the fuck is Kang?

They're making him up at this point. Yeah, well, his character actually plays a guy who assaults white women, so it's an ironic thing. Yeah. He just rapes Black Widow in the movie. I'm looking for Kang. Oh, it's Kang the Conqueror? Yeah. The hell?

So this is what he's supposed to play? Damn, this is really good. supposed to play damn this is really he's been playing this in like four movies yo Ben he been Kang

this is like they're like nine movies into doing this yes this is news to me I have no idea what any of this is much like a podcast

that's uploaded to an app and then no one really knows it's there it's a Marvel movie the same amount of effort and care

goes into it. Exactly. You know, they went to, you know, Disney. They go to Garage Center and they buy a few things and then they start uploading shitty movies. Yeah, but they've planned like 12, 15 movies just based off of this guy. Yeah, so it's all over.

That is the one good thing that comes out of this. But they'll probably just like cast Michael B. Jordan and then it'll make a billion dollars anyway. I'm hoping it's like a. That is the one good thing that comes out of this, but I'm, they'll probably just like cast Michael B. Jordan and then it'll make a billion dollars anyway. So what I'm hoping it's like a death blow to them, you know, that would be great. Cause they're already losing a lot of steam. Yeah.

And they keep losing black actors too. Yeah. Chad Bozeman, his ass fell off, right? And he died. Chad Bozeman died. His ass.

His ma Rainey's black bottom fell off. He kept sagging. His ass fell off. Very good. He actually got cancer from all the stickers on the bottom of his hat. It's like receipts. He was related to Christopher Moltisanti. He's like, Chadwick Bozeman, his whole asshole fell out. Had colon cancer.

It was sad. He posted a video on Twitter. A bunch of black people made fun of him. Then he died only two weeks later. A guy that looks as good. There's no way he died of cancer. I call bullshit. It makes no sense to me.

I feel like they killed him. He was pretty skinny. I feel like a studio executive called Patton Oswalt and was like, do your thing, King. Do your thing. Your thing, King. He was living in Patton's house. Los Feliz Patton Oswalt and was like, do your thing, King. Do your thing. Your thing, King. He was living in Patton's house. Get Oswalt a pillow, stat. Get him over to Bozeman's with a queen-sized pillow.

Get Oswalt a bunch of sleeping pills and some wine, stat. His ultimate weapon. Oh, he was 43, though. See, that's the thing. He looks younger than all of us here and he's 43 and he has cancer but he's a black guy well he had cancer for i think like 10 years he had it for a while even when he played um jackie robinson he had cancer yeah in 42 yeah and no one no one really knew till like the last few weeks before he died i think well no i remember i literally

remember like when he died i think he posted like a video like like for his charity or whatever. And black Twitter was like, you skinny as fuck. Like what's wrong with you? And like everybody made fun of him for a week. And then he died. He died of cancer. Yeah. Can we,

can we stop for a second? The black community does not care about baseball or Jackie Robinson at all. And it's white people that pretend to care about black people, pretend like care a lot about the Jackie Robinson. Oh my God. They don't care about baseball. And that's, that that's they love basketball and other things you are right when i go to dodgers games there's no black people there yeah yeah the only black person there is mookie back yeah and he's always trying to dribble the baseball let's be honest yeah it's the reason

he went one for 23 well honestly here's the thing i want to know why because a baseball game to a black person is like a third of their life. They're like fruit flies. Why would I go to a baseball game and waste 20 years in one night? I lost a foot in the third inning. The announcers are always vaguely racist, too. Vaguely?

They're always like, oh, Mookie Betts, he's great at stealing home, isn't he? God. Well, when Mookie... He loves to get inside home, huh? Mookie, they love because he's light-skinned, but when Yasiel Puig was on the Dodgers, he would lick the bat. He'd rub his big tongue on the bat,

and then when he slid into third, he'd stick his tongue out. And they'd always go, look at his big, juicy tongue. You could tell they were, like like when they talked about they were scared of him like hypothetically fucking their wives yeah they could like imagine it well that's the best thing about sports is the announcers and they're the nicknames they're allowed to give people yeah you know like in a basketball there's a guy he's like i think he's like he's like mexican or Puerto Rican or something. And he plays for the Pelicans and he's great at stealing. So they call him Grand Theft Alvarado. And I'm always like, stop.

There's, it's too, it's just, it's a little too close. It's a little, it's just a little weird. Yeah. There's a famous clip I know of Vince Scully. Fernando Valenzuela, that was the Dodgers pitcher. I think so. It was when he threw his no I know of Vince Scully. Fernando Valenzuela, that was the Dodgers pitcher. I think so, yeah. It was when he threw his no-hitter, Vince Scully. It was the final pitch of his no-hitter, and Vince Scully goes,

If you've got a sombrero, throw it to the sky. A wetback has thrown a no-hitter. He didn't say that. And there was another one I remember just before I forget. Who's the old Boston announcer Tommy Wise Tommy Heinsohn Tommy Heinsohn for the Celtics

there was him it was the Bucks were playing the Celtics and Giannis hit like a a layup because that's all he does a layup or a dunk

and then he he forgot his name and he tried and he goes he goes that's a dunk from Dikembe Jumbo I'll never forget that yeah they it's a dunk from Dikembe Jumbo.

I'll never forget that. It's interesting what you can get away with in the sports vernacular. I mean, you can get away I mean, look, we're just now finding out that apparently people that get the death penalty have, you know, dark skin and downed turtlenecks. We haven't just been figuring that out. What do you mean by that, Ben?

This is news to me. What is this? I watched the color purple. What the hell are you talking about? What's like? What is it? What's that? I've never seen the old

color purple. There's like a musical version of it now. Yeah, it's out. It's a coming on. It's Lin-Manuel Miranda. Yeah, he's like, I remember they're all white this time.

What is the color purple? It's a book by Tony Morrison, man. It's a book by some black lady, not Tony Morrison, I don't think. And it was made into a movie by Steven Spielberg starring Whoopi Goldberg. The Color Purple.

What's it about? Like Rihanna's face? It's about how much they love Grimace. Says here the Color Purple was a... God. Something by a person. Alice Walker, which won the 1983 pulitzer prize for fiction oh black lady well they just did they're doing a musical they're i know it's a very it's a very famous um movie that people love that oprah was in i believe right yes it was oprah

and it was a whoopi goldberg whoopi goldberg danny Glover was also in it. Great black women and one great black man. Whoopi Goldberg who literally changed her name to sound like she's a Jew and admitted it so she could get work in Hollywood. Hold on, I'm going to read the plot line real quick for The Color Purple.

I'm never going to watch this hunk of shit. I think it's actually maybe a good movie. I'll be the... Allow me, okay? Because, look, I'm never going to watch this hunk of shit. I think it's actually maybe a good movie. I'll be the judge. I think I know a little bit about the hero's journey over here. Dude, you're in the screening of The Color Purple. You're like, boring. It was 400 years ago. Hold on.

I think we can puff this up a bit, right? So, lady's name is, uh, fuck, I don't know how to say that. Sealy? Sealy. Sealy. All right, already it's like Jesus Christ, you know? I mean, jeez.

I mean, you want these protagonists to be like household names, you know? Yeah. And you go with Sealy, but all right. Can I say really quickly, I just got an image of 20 years in the future, your daughter, figuring out what you were doing the day before she was born, watching this from an old library in a cave because the world's ended, basically.

He just nervously checked his phone like, is the baby on the way? Well, yeah, because I might leave at any time. I'm like Phil Mickelson in the 1999 US Open where I'm like, I'm here to play, but if I get that call, I'm gone. It's you and Pantser competing over who can say it. And then he finally does, and then he raises his fist in the air, but it's a Hill Hiller. Yeah, with a hard R.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, so here we go. How does he say it? Sealy? Sealy. Okay, Sealy, a poor African-American girl, lives in rural Georgia in the early 1900s. I'm like, at this point, I'm like, there's something about that chair. Because I turn into a maniac when I'm there, too. That damn chair.

That damn chair. It wields so much power being over here with your hands on i know i know you feel like god yeah it's because we can see the playback immediately so he really does control everything it is also yeah i i i for i haven't you know lemon party we never look at each other while doing it you can't see it there's a tv we're looking at that has what you're seeing with the thing in the corner on it. And it's making me do the holdover eyes the entire time looking at the camera and the screen. Yeah, yeah. Which I just rewatched, by the way.

Fantastic. Fantastic film. Fantastic flick. Fantastic film. And just real quick to get in front of what we're about to do. I loved the new black movie, American Fiction. I thought it was one of the best of the year. Devin privately in our group chat said he loved American Fiction.

Everybody knows you love black people. Very good. I do love black people. Devin said he loved American fiction and I muted him permanently. I love black people. I love to look at them and go, God, I'd love to get on his shoulders.

I wish we had a... You said it was black sideways is what you called it. It kind of felt like a black sideways a little bit, yeah, with like a little gimmicky idea, but it's a really good idea. Right, right, right.

I don't know how else to explain it. I was like incredibly surprised. Not because it was a black movie. Sure. Surprised. Hey, Devin, can we move forward now that everybody knows you love black people? Sure, Ben. I would also love to just see black sideways. Like an actual black sideways. It is fine.

I make like eight billion black jokes a week, which is like hilarious. I'm kind of being the comment section right now a little bit we get it well cut shut up okay sorry sorry you said you're real but these three seconds every podcast should be you guys saying the n word and then the k word for jews and then it should be non-stop that this should be the man you code red of podcast it should be so much it's bad again. It's not good anymore.

You guys shouldn't even care about having a balance. I want the four locos podcasting piece. Fuck nuance. Just be the clan. Fuck nuance. I don't get the bits. I'm just racist. Okay, all kidding aside, this is supposed

to be quite good, right? So it's this lady. She's a poor African-American girl. She lives in rural Georgia in the early 1900s. I love turn of the century stuff. This sounds pretty good, honestly. It's reminding me. It's like a black child of the turn of the century. You said

out with the last good century in with the first bad all right and she writes letters to god because her father alfonso beats and rapes her oh my god oh what the hell i didn't know what's her dad's a white guy so this was like the first precious yeah it's just precious one yeah precious one it one. It's the preludes or whatever, though. So it says, due to the rape, she has two children, Olivia and Adam, whom Alfonso... So they're a little inbred incest babies. Because it says, due to the rape, she has two children. I'm assuming she got pregnant from the rape.

Yeah, I think that's... Yeah, I think that's what happened. That's what it sounds like. He didn't rape children out of her that she was already pregnant with. No, I don't think he shook them out. Well, that could be this. Also, it's funny. You do this podcast.

You tell us about Cormac McCarthy's worst book for 45 minutes. And then we're like, oh, this black rape victim. He gives a shit. Anyway, Cormac McCarthy had a journal he kept in 1967 one of the best things i've ever read anyway sorry please continue i'm gonna continue here uh so it's due to the rape she has two children living out of beautiful names for little incest babies uh whom alfonso takes away a farmer identified as mr astonberry her younger sister Nettie, but Alfonso offers him to Celie instead.

Offers him Celie instead. Oh, offers him Celie instead. Oh my god, so this poor lady had a horrible life. Oh my god. Yeah. Well, she was raped and had to have the kids. That does suck. So then this guy abuses her. But at least she wasn't a slave!

That's true. There you go. All black suffering... As we know, all black suffering ended in 1865. That's right. That was it. When you quote black crime statistics, there's no reason that exists at all. For the love of God, how many goddamn acres and mules

do they need? That we didn't give them! That we never gave! Hey, you didn't get them. That we never gave. Hey, you didn't get 40 acres and a mule. What do you want? We get it. Spike Lee, we get it. Inside Man was good.

Jesus. I mean, how hard is it to head north? Never eat sour watermelon, damn it. Walk north. You're talking about the directions on the compass. Yeah, never eat sour watermelon. Got you, yeah. Very, very interesting tap dance you're doing there. That was how we were taught as kids, which is very, we know.

We know. Never eat, I still do it to this day, never eat sour watermelon. Yeah, but you're not even looking at a map. I know. Yeah, you're're not even looking at a map. I know. Yeah, you're just driving past Hawthorne. You are doing directions. It says that then Mr. abuses her. So physically, sexually, and verbally.

I wonder what that means, the verbal part. Because it's like, you know, it'd be funny if he was like really like. He plays with this podcast. Well, he whispered sweet nothings to her, but then he raped her. Because you're probably getting verbally abused if you're also getting sexually and physically abused. Yeah. No one's like, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, and then they rape you. He said mean things before and after the rape.

Yes. Because he's a mean guy. He's a meanie. Hey. Yeah. She's like, hey, He's a big meanie. Hey. Yeah. She's like, hey, hey,

that was mean. Pull your fucking pants up and have my fucking rape babies and then pull them down and then pull them down again. I'm horny again. I reloaded. The only time I want you sagging

is when I'm horny. So anyway, this lady, she has the incest babies and then Nettie, what are we doing? And then Nettie. What are we doing? It says Nettie. Why are we reading the color purple?

No, I'm trying to punch it up a little bit. There's something about this chair, damn it. She wouldn't even do this on the normal 11 Party Eps. Oh, here we go. Look. And then a guy enters called Suge Avery, a jazz and blues singer. It does say. I was waiting for you to get that too for a while. That's a real name? Suge Avery a jazz and blues singer it does say i was waiting for you to get that

suge avery oh my god so is this a white guy he's a white knight and he plays jazz that's awesome is he a white guy a white guy named suge i guess i've never seen this movie i'm gonna i'm gonna fill in the blanks here since it's not telling me i'm gonna assume it's a white guy who's really good at jazz i think it's also a lady it's's his longtime mistress, Suge Avery, moves in. So I think it's short for sugar. Oh, damn. That would be a great name for your daughter, though.

Name her after the racist episode of the podcast you did right before she was born. Name her Suge. Yeah, Suge. Anyway, let me skip to the end here. Spoiler alert. It looks like she reunites

with her kids. All right. Oh, boo. All right. Boo. boo. All right. Boo. And then her kids rape her. It's just a never ending cycle. So obviously it's probably called the color purple because of the color of like bruises and stuff.

Right. I'm guessing. That's what I, that was my initial joke. Cause yeah, it was, it's about, yeah. Yeah. That's not a joke though. Right. That's actually why it's called that.

I don't know. I don't, that's actually kind of crazy. What is it? It's about like what the That's not a joke, though, right? That's actually why it's called that? I don't know. I don't. That's actually kind of crazy. What is it? It's about what the pussy looks like after rape swelling? I mean, that would be insane. They name it that? It was named after her dad's good suit. Yeah.

Why is it called the color purple? Here's someone that goes, the color color purple what's up with the title google just goes fuck off whitey fuck this question oh shug avery asks if sealy sealy if she takes the time to notice what little things that god does to show us that it uh i think it pisses god off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and didn't notice it, Shug says. All right. So it's like you gotta notice the little beautiful things.

It's kind of strange because you don't really see purple that much in the wild. I know. There's some flowers that are purple, but it's not... I thought it had to do with bruising too, honestly. Well, I told you a lot of cultures supposedly think of the sky as a shade of purple.

They don't have blue. They think the sky is purple? They look up at the sky and say it's purple. Why do they not have blue, Ben? Is this some sort of... What type of race? What country specifically? What race science is this?

They can't afford it. They can't... Their economy is... It's not doing good. And they go, we got to cut blue. It's like autopilot on like a tesla like they can't afford the monthly payments that's right blue yeah president of god is like we had to we cut blue no more blue yeah they and then like nato has to send them

the color blue yeah it's like you're sending all your blue to israel now send it right in that's why all their flags look like that yeah yeah but supposedly some kids think of the sky as purple and then we we tell them that it's blue is this really a thing they can't look at certain cultures can't see blue i know i think we talked about in this podcast i know back in ancient times that uh like no culture's named blue like before 4 000 years ago or something for some reason we don't know why interesting i've always heard purple's the official color of like lesbians it is right because i remember they were mad at the purple uh teletubby when i was a kid because

i thought it was gay because i think it also has a triangle which is the sign of being gay or triangles gay i don't know there's like if you're a preacher in the south you memorize like gay like gang signs and stuff why is a triangle gay because it's like it's like because it's like they'll fuck all three like mouth ass pussy the unholy trinity yeah yeah every hole yeah okay do you guys actually want to learn some shit do you want me to go all dan carlin on you yeah let's do it so this fucker on reddit who uh did all the research on this thing this is what i do i go to reddit and i go they did the work let me read oh i love reddit love those love those maniacs um and this is what i think is probably true too because i did look into this one day and then uh unfortunately i forgot everything i learned uh i don't take in

information i look at it i go that's interesting and then i forget it immediately yeah yeah that's life and i go one day I'll say this on a podcast but wrong. I'll get it wrong later. Then people will correct me. People correct me. I'll get furious. I'll make a joke as a defense mechanism and I'll move on. I'll call you gay. I'll call you gay. I'll call you gay.

I'll leave later. I'll think I was rude and that you hate me and then I'll call you later and ask if you hate me. You hate me because of that, not because of the thing I i said it was actually fine until i made it weird i'm sorry man what does it mean so this is uh um blue isn't is seemingly ubiquitous in nature most prominently in the sky above us for much of the year depending where you live uh but they just had a different color palette entirely so they just you know basically saw it like it was a shade of purple i'm pretty sure so it's not like it was a shade of purple.

I'm pretty sure. So it's not like, it's like our eyes didn't develop to not see blue. Like we looked at the ocean and it was purple and the sky was purple. I just think they didn't have like, they don't just, they just don't have a word for it. You know? Oh my God, Ben, you're also genius. And also blue was the most difficult dye to manufacture. You're not wrong.

They had to cut blue because they could not afford it. Everybody always calls me racist on this show and ignorant. You're actually just way too knowledgeable. If you know too much, you're racist. Welcome to the internet. Yeah, it's you and Kamiya standing alone on an island. On an iceberg drifting towards

the North Pole. I gotta tell you guys, information, it's a real curse. Yeah. I wish I was dumb like you two. Truly, I wish I did. People consider me hateful. They consider me phobic this, phobic that. Little do they know. My head, it's like...

Have you guys seen that movie Limitless? It's like that, but just with slurs flying across my vision. you take a pill and you like you go to your neighbor you go you're moroccan aren't you the pill they go how did you how did you know the pill slows the slurs down so you can finally say them yeah no i'm i'm i'm i wake up every day happy i'm not you yeah oh and as you should because it's a real um it's a blessing and a curse really yeah being on the online right we're really we're really you know we're a bell curve where you're you're um like devin's a very

um societally dumb person like he gets angry at movies and stuff like that yeah and then you are the same way where you're very racist but you're actually wise you're on the other end of the bell curve and then i'm in the middle doing therapy and talking about my emotions thinking i'm smart but i'm actually the the dumbest one oh you're the dumbest one yes yeah the dumbest one in the entire group you guys are wise and two you're so retarded you're wise and you're so racist you're wise you're in a gooey emotional puddle i've hardened myself to this cruel world because i know too damn much meanwhile i live in a clamshell of just calm and porn like a venus de Milo covered in jizz that I emerged from.

You have a gooning wall. Yeah. You have a wall in your bedroom that looks like limestone because you've came on it so many times. It's like I have to masturbate farming where they have to section off parts of their field. I move my bed from one room to the other in my apartment to spread out the cum evenly so it doesn't build up. By the way, speaking apartment to spread out the comm evenly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it doesn't build up.

By the way, speaking of walls, what the fuck is the whaling wall? Oh, I was about to mention that. Yeah, what is that horse shit? I don't know. Someone was talking about it the other day, and I was like, why are we talking about walls?

It's where Jews go, and they complain and stuff, right? Yeah. The wall? Mm-hmm. I have no idea. What is with these walls? Everybody has...

There's a wall in Germany. There's a wall in the Berlin Wall. Yeah, they got the great... Everybody has a wall. We're the only country without a fucking wall. And I say we build that fucking wall. It's time to build it. Honestly, actually, right now,

because you guys are cucks, right? Give me a good argument for why we shouldn't build a wall around this country. I would never do that. I have no argument there. All I have is, I'll help. I'll help build it. You guys probably want it open because you want to deplete the wealth

of the nation state, which is something that I say that I don't really have a true understanding of what it means. Yeah, I don't get that either. But I repeat it, because it was in an Ezra Klein interview once where Bernie Sanders was talking to him. I repeat it, because I'm really into Marcus Aurelius. And I think that means you, I think Marcus Aurelius was a Republican for some reason,

even though he lived 3000 years ago and fucked kids. Cause he lived there. He fucked kids armpits, but I think he's very wise. Don't we have to kind of come to grips that all great men fucked kids? Yeah. It's really what separates the men from the boys. Yeah.

I mean, I read Meditations, Jace. I don't remember him saying anything about boy fucking, but let me just double check this real quick, see if he fucked a kid or two. Oh, I mean, I... It was dedicated to all the kids he fucked. I bet my life on it. It's dedicated? Yeah. The first... Most of the book

is him meditating on a child's asshole because he's a fucking pedophile. The Wailing Wall is just full of kids screams uh here the wailing wall is to answer your question though just for the listeners the wailing wall is jewish people go up and they get a little receipt and they fold it up and they stick it in the wall and they just save it there that's how they do their accounting that's how they process return the wailing wall is like a... Yeah, it's a national CPA. And they're just wailing about all the taxes that they have to pay. According to Reddit, Marcus... I'm right there with them, honestly.

Aurelius, he had 13 kids and he loved to fuck and he felt guilty about fucking. Interesting. Yeah, I think he was a real... He was kind of a gooner. But I don't know if he fucked kids. I mean, he grew up in fucking Greece or Rome or whatever, so he probably did.

I think the important thing in here is understanding that he was human. Yeah, I mean, at what point do we just, like, grow up? And realize that, like, how many thousands of years of info and history about people do we have to have to realize like, okay, yeah, a lot of men cheat. A lot of men do horrible things. You're not all your sins.

I know this sounds crazy to pivot from pedophilia to that. This is a great actual point. But you really aren't your sins. You're not one sin. You're not one sin you're not one sin no man is an island no man is a singular point of their life yeah and you can be a morally corrupt piece of shit and still have a very uh very a good working brain that that accomplishes a lot in

terms of uh moving history forward yeah you can be a fantastic artist and be morally corrupt i think yes i really do I completely believe that. I mean, I'm not going to stop listening to fucking Thriller. I know. You know what I mean? Like, truly, like, I know it's kind of a hacky point, but like at the end of the day, like people are incredibly complicated. And this idea that you just like write off people's entire existence because you found

out the worst thing that they did. Yeah. Is not adult. and i'm silly and i'm kind of at the point where i'm like you know if you have to like throw a couple kids to the thresher to get you know like annie hall or something like yeah you know that's the price you want to pay honestly you know i mean uh yeah i i get it i don't get listen you just try your hardest to be the best artist you can without doing those things and that's why we stink because we're like we're good people and you know we need to like start doing some bad because if we could really if we could really like lean into like fucking kids or cheating on

our girlfriends we could really go hard on like making really good art and like pouring ourselves into that because we get to release with this i mean we did merch for three days we feel like we're gonna collapse you know i almost went to the hospital. But if I could go straight from all that merch to right into a little kid's ass, it might be... Exactly. If we were bad guys that didn't care about people's feelings or love others really, like we love ourselves, we would have left that merch.

We would have left packing all that shit up, and we all would have gone to Mexico or Thailand and done some bad. Done some bad. We would have got it out. all would have like gone to like mexico or thailand done some bad done some bad get it get we would have got it got it out we would have hired you know what we would have done we would have hired three open micros to send all the merch for us and then when they asked for payment we would have just we we block them we block them and then when people ask about it we go i don't know i don't i don't know who that is i don't know i don't know that's a crazy loser yeah yeah yeah because you know there's a lot of people like that. Yeah.

Counterpoint. Uh, you're, you're a retard if you love pussy. Hmm. Is that a counterpoint to anything? Yeah. Cause Devin's saying like we would go to like brothels and have sex with like

harems of like, I was talking about kids. Okay. So why don't you watch your mouth? Yeah. We're not talking about kid pussy. Same shit. Pussy is,

it's the idea of, of, of fucking, of gooning, of coming, of jizzing. I have done exploding i agree with you ben i do think that uh sexual desire is um is overdone in our culture i think it's i think i i think it's a huge waste of time huge waste of time massive waste of time you're not going to be productive most people's lives and most people's art is all based around them having a minute and a half moment yeah thinking

about like they're like oh i want to fuck sydney sweeney they that's their thought over and over for three hours congrats it's so meaningless congrats that's 15 of the day you thought about sydney sweeney you're're mentally fat. Just go eat. Just go eat. It is an incredible waste of time and it gives women too much power. Letting them know that we're constantly

on our mind all the time. Fuck you, whore. That is the one thing. There's nothing I've loved more. I've done this a couple times in my 20s where there's a possibility I can fuck a really hot woman, but I can tell she's making me do a dance. And I just walk away. And they'll get furious out of nowhere. I don't shuck and jive for no man.

Yeah, exactly. No, it is. It's this weird thing where, because all the smartest people on earth or, you know, back in history or whatever, there's always like, they're a pussy hound. It's like, it's so dumb. Or they did it for a woman. Oh, I don't want to know anything was made for women they did it for a woman what do you mean like they fucked a lot of great art was made because a guy like wanted to fuck a woman or if you are a great

here's the thing if you are a great guy and you're a pussy guy you should be a little embarrassed of it like kafka huge pussy guy he was he he hated himself for it deeply. Deeply ashamed of how much a pussy guy he was. And that's why he was trying to become like a fucking caterpillar. It's such a waste of time. Just

everything you do being based on your sexual desires. That pussy ain't shit. The pussy ain't shit. That's what you gotta tell yourself. All these motherfuckers putting the pussy on a pedestal let me tell you something Devin once you come she's just another dumb bitch in the room oh my god if every man lived every day

if he was freshly if every man was freshly jacked like if their balls were empty throughout the day women would not exist you would have an inch of freedom in your fucking cage an inch of freedom in your fucking cage. They'd be finished. An inch of freedom.

They'd be finished. You can move this much. This much. They'd be trying to climb up to our castle and we go, what do we need you for? What do I need you for, sweetheart?

We go, we got people making food up here. I go, bring her over. I'm gonna eat her. Because by the way, put her on my George Foreman grill while she's alive

cause if you already have your sexual desires handled there's nothing else to care about besides eating that's right that's what I'm saying

I literally eat women pussy and food is everything I put a big titty on a grill and I think of nothing of it I look at it

like a ribeye it would be a plan of the age women are worthless they're worthless this is by the way what if Katie's ex right now my water broke Women are worthless. They're worthless. This is, by the way, what if Katie's ex right now,

my water broke? I'm like, fuck, I gotta go. You go off the podcast. Women are worthless. Oh, shit, guys. We immediately switch out of our podcast person. We're like, oh my God, all of our girlfriends and wives,

we love them so much. Well, it's funny. If my wife left me, I'd be dead in 48 hours yes that's true i'd like literally fall down a manhole and i would never be seen again i'd be taken out to the ocean and eaten by a bunch of sharks dude you somehow blow up the house like a cartoon you'd somehow like turn the water heater up and it would like shoot out the roof yeah i never understood those rapture movies where like you know be like people wake up and people wake up and people that were good

are gone. Because it would just be like all the women are in heaven and all the men are still on earth. And then everything and then we just all start like we just jack off until we all dehydrate because nothing gets done. Because I mean the whole world can't just be one room with a mattress and a TV and

lube. I mean it kind of could. It could. A lot of people do it for a long time. I'll walk this back. We could do socialism. No, I'm going somewhere. Hand me some of that whiskey. It's upstairs. I will get some.

We could do socialism if it was just men because we all could live on a mattress with just lube and a TV. And that's it. And a George Foreman grill. I'm imagining that. But women drive capitalism. They truly do. They really do.

I mean, my girlfriend just moved in with me. I've literally had to accept emotionally that I wake up every day and I just give her $85 and that's my life now. Every day I start $85 in the hole.

I gotta make that up and then some. Because you couldn't just jack off and then hold a pillow and paint a face on it and pretend it's somebody. Because she makes me so goddamn off and then hold a pillow and paint a face on it. I know. Because she makes me so goddamn happy every single moment of my life.

And it sucks. I know. But that pillow doesn't tell you not to see a movie without her. You know what I mean? Devin's right. There's so much out there that we... They're so lucky we have sex drives. If we didn't have a sex drive, you'd be fucking in the street.

No movies would exist without boyfriends nothing would happen no but no movies would exist at all the entire country would be guys living in rei tents and just jacking off and then ordering postmates and we would be really happy and we'd all be we'd all love it that's right that's why in china you know they kind of got a good thing going over there a baby girl pops out and they put her on a little paper sailboat. That's right. They take the morning newspaper and they fold it into a sailboat like that Curious George story. No, the babies get girls born.

They measure her titties. If they're too small, they put her on a sailboat, push her out. If they've got a little bit of chub on them, they put a fucking calf ear tag on them and assign it to a random business man. They take the little girls and they bash them against the new ship. if it doesn't explode they go this is a bad luck against the stern of the boat there's a guy there's a guy just tossing babies into a big tub and if they float he's like all right you get to you live i'm saying they really and there's a it's it's fair too because it is a natural selection thing because they're not just straight up aborting the baby girls they're not killing them per se they're giving them a chance to survive they're putting it's a message in a bottle and if the message is received somewhere you know you can

grow up you know happy and you know and you know uh torture some uh poor unfortunate man that happens to find you and raises something he's gonna fuck one day you know there's you know there's like a guy off the shore of china who's like a lobster fisherman who's like like pulling up his like fucking catch and he finds a still living like female baby and he's like ah and then he throws it back over the boat it's caught in the net like a starfish or something god damn it and then he like throws it back he's like now we have to throw the lobster back because fucking a woman touched it i mean if i was a woman i'd be furious that if i found out that like men could like legitimately come from like a drawing they like if you drew tits and you could come from that that's like i mean how

you know your worth must really plummet so you gotta like then come up with you gotta come up with like weird ways to like dig into their soul because we're we're visual people we're visual storytellers that's why we're so're visual people we're visual storytellers that's why we're so good at making movies and women are such good editors because they get they come to stories they need literature to come yes me i just need i need two rocks that you kind of mush together that look like literally and i can jack i need two rocks and i can put some sap on both the rocks like nipples and i come and then i'm like i'm good i don't right i'm not helping and women because they're master manipulators they need this literature they need this long story

they can tell themselves oh they were traveling to an inn and there was only one room left and only one bed and they were enemies but then they became friends and now they're fucking it has to be a whole set of women's currency is wasted time yeah Women at the end of every year should submit how much time of their significant others they wasted and send it. Thank you, Patrice. And send it to like their seat, their tax guy. Yep. And they get a big deduction.

You know what an interesting thing about. As a boyfriend, you do have to, you do have to get very good at just being like, okay, we'll just, you know, another four hours. We'll be back home. We'll be back home. she'll go to sleep, and I can jack off in my living room. This is great. I'll turn on the ceiling fan really loud, really high.

I'll pretend to take a shower, run out to the living room, watch porn on my TV, and jack off. I'll go, I love you so much, sweetie, good night. You know the interesting thing about narratives in novels or books that women really love, the protagonist is usually changed by a relationship they form with female novels. And then with male novels, they're interested in stories. It's not a big retarded guy fucking a bunch of dead people. It's usually like it's a guy and he's changed but it's it's through his own

like decisions and stuff yeah it's not through like no one changes him he figures his own shit yeah yes i know you're writing a book if i was writing a book and i started to be like and then he held their hand i'd be like this is the gayest thing i could ever write like i can't write this dude i have a great sex scene in my book it's so good really i can't wait to publish this thing i think i'll be done next year. Is it between a dialysis machine and a fat guy? Your book is called The Grape Sodas of Wrath. That's pretty good.

Actually, I will name it that because I don't have a title yet. I will name it that. The Grape Sodas of Wrath? Yeah, it's pretty good. That's pretty good. because I don't have a title yet. I will name it that. The Grape Sodas of Wrath?

Yeah, it's pretty good. That's pretty good. Speaking of what's eating Gilbert Grape Soda, Devin showed me the Gilbert Grape movie. I couldn't believe you had never seen it. We've been making so many jokes about it. You always go along with them and then you were like, I've never seen this movie.

It's got a retarded guy and an obese woman. You love it. She's so insanely fucking fat and it's not even a fat outfit. She's so fat, they burn the house down at the end so they don't have to crane her out of it and then the whole town laughs. Well, see, that part, why did they burn it down?

What was it? So the police didn't have to, like... They burn it down so she dies in the house and they don't have to crane the fat bitch out of it and embarrass her. They savor the embarrassment of inner death. So where did they just go live on top of the water tower? What the hell did they do?

They lived inside of her body. They hauled it out and they made it. It was like James and the Giant Peach, the end. Like a Manifest Wild thing. They gutted her and they live inside her carcass. There's like a staircase, a library, two baths. Arnie's in there trying to eat her

from the inside yeah it's kind of the movie it's weirdly implied that it's like well of course the kid's retarded

look how fat she is it is well like her pussy crushed his head on the way out I don't know it's just a weird thing where people

if you see a retarded child and then the parent is like 600 pounds you go yeah of course he's just a sentient shit at that point.

Yeah, I mean, your body absorbed his IQ in the womb. He's just a shit with eyes and a mouth. He's like Hanky the Christmas man. Yeah, like, oh my god. Mom's turd climbed up the water tower again. It might literally be he's just laying next to just

18 pounds of shit for nine months. It gives him toxic shock. It makes him like retarded. Oh, that's true. There's so much shit in your bowels. He's laying in there in the fluid and then a corn dog stick just pokes him in the head and he's retarded. Yeah, Gilbert Grape.

Leo's playing a jankum victim. That's so funny. I got to cuddle with my unborn child for the first time last night because well katie katie rolled over what a segue and her belly was against me and it it was just like moving like this like a big worm against me and i was like oh it's i feel like it's like it feels me and i could feel like it's hands and its feet and stuff and i was like i think they oh my god she She's cuddling with me. Did you feel the hand trying to reach out real quick?

Yeah, it just took a finger up my ass. Does it do that? Just like her mother. Do their hands poke the belly and try and escape? At this point, she's like those lunar guys that get inside toys and stuff. Yeah, you can see her face. Really? She pushed her face up against it.

I'm doing a bit, but it looks like like an alien or like the thing or something. I mean, Jason and I will never have this. Yeah. I refuse to have it. Yeah. And I'm starting to get really worked over by fucking relatives now.

No, you guys are going to get baby fever. They're doing the kid shit? Yeah, they're doing the kid shit. My family does that too. Well, how will you ever hate every day of your life unless you have kids? It ruined my life and I did it. You should do it too.

Because I'm a crab in a bucket. I like dragging everyone down with me. So here's the thing about people who have kids and they think their life sucks. I bet you a million dollars your life sucked ass before you had kids too, dumbass. That is true. No one has a great life that's awesome and everything's perfect and you're having fun all the time and then you have a kid and now your life sucks ass. It's just

people like to have a place that they can place they like a little place they can put all their misery. They go, oh, it's because of... Granted, there's 2% of people in the world that are happy and choose to be healthier and positive instead of just descending into three different addictions they kind of cling to and being mean to everybody

yeah you know so yeah yeah i mean i'm happy yeah you're doing great that's why i have fixations with things throughout the day and i have to constantly distract myself no this is yeah i like the thing it's also because i'm having fun but No, you're having fun. You're having fun. I like having a good time. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Yeah, me and Devin were just like, literally, I just never have wanted a kid. So I don't think you should. I really don't think you should have a kid if you're like, I don't really.

If you're not thinking about it. You're like, I don't really want one. If it's not on your mind and there's not that urge coming. Yeah. Yeah, I love life and I want to share it with um with a you know my wife and i want to build a family and create this like loving cool environment you figured out you realized like you could just create your own militia members kind of yeah you don't have to go recruit anymore stick them in your wife you can grow them yeah you can grow them grow a little buddy yeah yeah the grow a little buddy the nazi

that grew from concrete i mean i'm gonna get to read to her every night make sure she's smart i'm gonna show her all the cool movies all the cool books i'm gonna get to uh you know walk her down ventura boulevard and be like look at that. Look at that guy over there. He's hopping around on one arm where his legs should be. And you go, now remember, honey, he's there because he's lazy. And he didn't start a podcast.

He's lazy, he didn't start a podcast, and he served in the war and then got PTSD. He knew about Ship Station. He knew about Wix. He could have sold merch. You walk past him, make some merch, faggot. Walking past. The horror of the world. Why is he wearing the Lemon Party

NASCAR shirt? Well, that was your Uncle Jace. You guys, in five years, you guys have replaced me with Stavros. I'm wondering if i'm gonna hold this baby my friend aaron told me because he said i'm already very um i'm a very productive person in terms of like working on things throughout the day and i have

very like ambitious goals about projects that i work on for a long period of time sure and uh um he said that once i have a baby it's going to increase like tenfold, and I'm wondering if that's going to happen. I'm wondering if I'm going to be that guy, and I'm going to be like, oh my God, life is beautiful. I hope I release a lot of hate from my heart because there's still a lot of hate within me. I hate certain people a lot.

I'm not able to let go of things. I let it kind of eat away at me, and I'm trying to meditate on it. i think you meditate on it i think it'll shift it'll shift because you will have somebody more important than you yes not even like saying that you're a selfish person so i don't give it to her well that's what i'm saying is like you have a person that's more important that you can do all of that for you know and not to say you're a selfish person but like no i know i'm like literally genetically you will feel like your life is for this person that's's what I'm hoping happens.

Here's the other thing that might happen. I might become a Republican. I might become a guy who looks out my window and just go, look at him. Fucking look. And I get the flamethrower from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. And I'm walking around Skid Row, like, you know, cosplaying as a Ghostbuster. Yeah, you'll start watching basketball games through blinds. You have to peek through blinds. Is my life going to turn into rear window

but I'm in the projects? Look at Jamerant. He called the cops on the game. Yeah, you drive too close to downtown and you just have to draw the blinds on your Cadillac. Look, there's nothing wrong with being a Republican. I just hope I never become a political person.

There before the grace of God go I, everybody that slowly slides into mediocrity, usually they start wearing a coat of political whatever. All that bullshit, all that personal hatred for auxiliary people in what we do or whatever, it'll all go to like the survival thing.

So you'll start just, which is unfortunately where the Republican things, I'm where you start going to like bonds and you go, I'm getting sick of this. You go, you go, I literally, before we did this podcast,

I had to go. We did. We, I went with Ben and we gave the packages to the post office or whatever. But right before then I had to go pick up up some shit because Ida's mom's coming. I go to Vaughn's. I'm like, this should be easy.

It's just all of a sudden I realize I'm in. I walk in. There's like a Somalian security guard like chasing like a fentanyl addict around with like a machete. The fentanyl addict's got like a bat covered in fucking like barbed wire. And people are screaming. And all the cashiers are acting like it's not happening. There's another guy getting tackled and 30 steel reserves fly out of his pants,

and you start going, you know what? I'm going to start donating to whoever ends this. I don't know, but... Because there's a midget that looks like the stinky cheese man, and he's peeing on my leg right now. And I'm getting a little fed up with this shit. At what point do you become Tony Soprano

with the AK-47 in the backyard, but you're not hunting black bears, if you know what I mean. Right. At what point do you become Tony Soprano smoking a cigar with an AK-47 and you just go, I'm not hunting animals. Just waiting for the migrant caravan to bust into your backyard. I dare one of them to walk by yeah i dare them all right and you're also you're actually making

your household much more dangerous oh yeah no no no yeah i'm putting like a gun under my baby's pillow and that's what you're like she's like three years old you're like there's black people that are gonna rape you to death and you're like fucking her up more than like just seeing a homeless guy what you know all you want is some peace of mind yeah or just some peace yeah when you when you're a parent you're you're you're like a squirrel hoarding nuts you're like i need to always have enough nuts that this thing doesn't die so it makes sense that you move a little further to the right but you just don't want to be the guy where we're doing the podcast in three years i mean devon get a bit go and you're

like you know there was a resolution at City Hall to give every black person my car. Something that's completely made up. Oh, yeah. They always run with, you know, every homeless guy now supposedly gets $40 million from the government in Chicago and like an iPad. Did you hear Biden? Biden's trying to say every guy in Chicago can rape

my wife. Did you hear that? My wife. And I'm going to let him. And I'm going to let him because I get off to it. Joe Rogan's like, you know they're allowing black people to vote, man. So here's the thing. The only reason I'm worried, because I don't care if someone's Republican. I don't care about any of this stuff. I don't either. You just don't want to be boring.

If you become political, you become fucking boring. Boring, yes. What is more political? Because then now you're predictable. And you just keep saying the same points over and over and over every six months you get a new point because you watch an episode of glenn back and you're like oh here's my new point to add to the four points okay and i will say this by the way to end this episode they're airing covid vaccine commercials now and they're saying that the that the side effects at the end they go, side effects of taking the Novavax vaccine are nausea, vomiting, and myocarditis. Wait, are they really?

They really are. I'm going to look it up just to make sure. Which a lot of liberal people will say, it's not that big of a deal. Like, myocarditis is easy to handle. They're like, do not take myocarditis if you're a pregnant woman or an NFL player. Give me my finger. I got to use your finger. I love that we they're like we don't want to be political but by the way there's all these commercials now where they sit but it's it's crazy to me that they're saying people can get myocarditis from this thing and i'm not even like a covet vaccine guy that's crazy to

me that you would be okay with that being a fucking side effect is a fatal heart condition. Yeah. We live in hell, and they have a famous wigger promoting the booster. A famous fake wigger, by the way. Not even a good wigger. Literally, like a guy who's dating Taylor Swift, and we all see his old tweets. He literally, his old tweets are like,

yo, ah-hup. I just walked into ah-hup, and they got pancakes. That's so cool! Which, by the way, I got so mad. People were like, can you believe not a single bad thing in any of those tweets? I'm like, a PR campaign went through that with a fucking laser

and sliced out N-words, R-words, and F-words. You think a retarded wigger in 2010 wasn't dropping a couple bombs? Oh, yeah. How do I watch a... I wish I was retarded enough to know where commercials are. Because the commercials aren't on YouTube, so I'm like, Yeah. How do I watch? This is the, I wish I was retired to know where, like, commercials are. Because, like, the commercials aren't on YouTube.

So I'm like, fuck, how do I watch it? Just go to YouTube. Type in Travis Kelsey Pfizer. I got it. Unfortunately, Ben, you are kind of becoming a Republican dad because you told us about a Pfizer commercial. Now you're struggling to find it online. And this is a very dad move.

I hate to break it to you. Hold on. online and this is a very dad move i hate to break it to you hold on meanwhile i get to be i get to be the gay liberal uncle that pretends the city's fine and i go over for thanksgiving you're like yeah guy homeless guy fucking tried to kill my daughter and i'm like you know i love it when homeless guys try to kill me it's part of living in the city keeps you on your toes keeps you active yeah you'll become um fucking every guy who was. Keeps you active. Yeah. You'll become fucking every guy who was my boss for the last 10 years and I'll become Seth Rogen. I don't know

where the commercial is, but look, they just say like, it's at the end when the guy's throwing the football and he's like pushing his daughter on a swing. Yeah. The side effects are, you know, myocarditis. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck? It's crazy. By the way, we killed Hank Aaron. Which really did happen happen it is a very

funny thing that really happened so side effects are dying yeah side effects are being dead side effects are yeah having the same life as john candy and it also does a pericarditis too which is inflammation of the lining outside the heart oh yeah but that's they tell you you know take some turmeric and i'll clear that right up i, how good is a vaccine if the side effect is myocarditis? Also, who the fuck cares about COVID anymore? What is going on? Yeah, who's still getting their nine facts? Who's still doing that?

That's retarded. Yeah. Like when I see somebody with a mask on in public, I want to go up to them and be like, you better have cancer. You better be Chinese. I'm like, there better be a lot of pre-existing conditions you got, bub. I know to like ask them like show me your records how fucked up are you give me a chart yeah what's in my chart you kidding me yeah anyway so i look i i'm i'm i'm not a covet guy but i couldn't believe when i was watching golf the other day that came on. I literally was crying laughing when they said that.

Because then at the beginning, didn't they say it's not even a real thing that people aren't getting myocarditis and now they're like legally required. Now they're legally required. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's also like not a vaccine, really. It doesn't stop.

You know, it's all boring, but it doesn't stop. It doesn't do it. I'm getting it. I've got COVID three times. I only got it after i got the fucking shot it just it makes there's just stuff that makes me feel crazy sometimes i mean like but it'd be a problem if i talked about this every episode though but you know i just had to bring it up yeah yeah we're also making jokes about it we're not talking about it for three hours with no jokes yeah and we're not saying like they're all trying to kill us it is fight is and it's you know it's funny that a guy like travis kelsey is the promoter of it now a guy who like you could look

up his old tweets they're oh old travis kelsey kiss he's like should we in the episode talking about that his tweets are just like like they're like the sky's blue yeah shit mr white yeah he has the one he misspelled squirrel i love this one yeah yeah i just gave a squirrel misspelled i just gave a squirrely a squirrely a piece also misspelled of bread and it straight smashed all of it i had no idea they ate bread like that haha hashtag crazy i mean i don't care how young you are if you were tweeting stuff like that you're mentally retarded i know dude and i'm telling you I'm telling you the one like right after that is like man when I

see a faggot going through a purse on the bus I want to kill that motherfucker here's an old one up at Olive Garden with Papa had to grab the fettuccine with the chicken Alfredo hashtag smacking god damn it i want him to be shot in the back of the head but he won't even die because

he's so retired no no they would just create uh air bubbles damn my birthday's tomorrow and i don't got shit to do hate this feeling right now it's also funny because i think he had like depression back then but he was here like wigger depression. Yeah. Because he'd be like, man, therapy has me feeling twisted sometimes. Fuck. He says, I went from class to therapy. Now I need some Chipotle. And then I'm off to check out my new app apartment.

Yeah. Feeling like ending it all. Hashtag in my feelings. Yeah. Cups with the rosé. He's so dumb. he's tweeting Marvin's room went from class to therapy now I need some Chipotle

and then I'm off to check out my new apartment man I'm finna I'm finna end it all hashtag extra guac hashtag god we should all be NFL players yeah I love all be NFL players Yeah

I love all these NFL players that have Like podcasts and shows now It's like We just have a bunch of people With intense brain damage Speaking publicly By the way we might be out of jobs soon Draymond Green

Is going to come in here and kick our ass They're giving everybody with cta a podcast yeah boys we better uh find a new line of work real quick dude right now we should you know what we should do we should have gilbert arias and try to start a fucking farrakhan podcast with him yeah i bet he we could be the ron patrick beverly but for just the black israeli podcast just for straight fair and we're really leading me we're like well who owned those jew ships gilbert i thought about becoming ships i thought about becoming a black israelite today i'm like what's stopping me that should be to counteract the republican dad you

should become a black israelite dad yeah because i'm already like pretty far to the right i guess so like if you had to put me anywhere even though i don't vote right so i guess if i become an extremist when i uh i have a baby yeah i'm gonna start dressing like a medieval knife with like peacock feathers in the back and stuff and i have like a bunch of like jewelry i wear i wear uh bolts and nuts on my fingers and i think i think they're rings yeah you got a knight's helmet with dreads coming out yeah and you go white dreads yeah you go leviticus 13 22 god put white woman the snake in the garden what's the thing i can already quote i can already quote the bible and stuff there you go hebrews 13 1 let brotherly love continue. You're already ahead of 99% of black Israelites.

So you'd do great. And I have the scripture all studied. I could quote the Gnostic Gospels even. I could be like, and it's great because from what I understand, all you do is you claim that everybody was a black guy. Yeah. George Washington was black. Yeah.

You go hang out with Kendrick Lamar in the 90s, and then you just say everybody's a black guy that's what you do yeah start getting your bling at home depot i'm so poor i'm drinking i'm wearing washers on my fingers yeah like washers and bolts making making a pimp goblet on a big anvil with a hammer yeah they would kick ass. Yeah. I think I could... I think I'd be a great black Israelite, to be honest.

I think you'd do fantastic. I think I'd do a great job and I'll dress up my little baby girl like a... like a black Israelite, too. Yeah. I'm going to put her

in the whole garb. I'm going to dress her up like an Egyptian pharaoh. Yeah, yeah. And bring her everywhere with me. What do they dress up like, the black Israelites? I'll show you right now. They're kind of pharaoh. Yeah, yeah. And bring her everywhere with me. What do they dress up like? The black and the red lights. I'll show you right now.

They're kind of like if, yeah, if there was like an Egyptian blade, that's kind of like what they dress up. They kind of look like steampunk owls. Okay, yeah. Like if an owl put on like, here, I'll show you. You will see them. Sometimes they'll be wearing like, yeah, there you go. Like if an owl wore like old timey like pilot's goggles.

Yeah. It's a mech owl. Yeah. It's you know yeah yeah it kind of like it looks like if they made like a black kkk like they'd wear that type of shit yeah they have swords sometimes it looks pretty sick yeah they have swords but they'll also just be wearing like and one shorts with them yeah you know oh it's badass as shit because they all just they they want to be blades so bad yeah it's badass as shit because they all just want to be blades so bad. It's Arabian Nights blade. Yep. 100%. Yeah.

You don't think I couldn't rock this shit? And here's the thing. If people are going to call me racist, I might as well be a cool racist. They call you racist already for being a white guy with a podcast. Oh, Ben, don't get me started. I might as well be like the coolest racist of all time. Yeah. I don't know why they call us racist.

We just read the color purple. Yeah, you start wearing like NBA All-Star Game jerseys and talking about a Jew should die. Dude, like throw like flat earth or shit on top of it like Kyrie Irving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, all the coolest people in the world are black Israelites. I'm pretty sure.

Isn't Chappelle like a B. Does it hold like a muzzle, like a fake muzzle? I thought that's like front for like actually just being a black Israelite. Cause aren't like Keith Stanfield and all these guys, they're secretly like, yeah,

that we should, we need to wipe them off the face of the planet. Yeah. Like Steven Jackson. Yeah. There is a lot of like secret. I mean, is Kanye saying anything in public that these guys haven't been saying behind closed doors for 25 years steven jackson said um jewish people did all slavery on a podcast in 2020 and

nobody fired him yeah because he said it during the middle of blm yeah oh right we didn't care about jews yet yeah you got away with it yeah i hope we go uh i hope we start caring about someone else real soon yeah you know we should go to mexicans that would be nice because they would be chill yeah yeah but i guess okay and mexicans kind of like hate each other too and shit yeah that's true and mexicans make money they start hating mexicans will be like you don't you don't have a green card pathetic yeah they're like get your bread up, son. Yeah. I got my fucking union card. There's Mexicans that they get all their shit handled, then they drive to Home Depot and they flip off all the day laborers out front.

No, dude, literally. Yeah. That's great. I've worked with a lot of them where you hear a guy be like, I mean, why don't they just get fucking jobs? I mean, they haven't, after everything that's happened with George Floyd and BLM and everything, they still, the word for the

color black is still the N-word in their language. They haven't all decided to change. Oh, yeah. Negra. It's like, ee. They have a beer called it. Because I have to tell my housekeeper, I have to sometimes say, you know, I have to sometimes say, you know, the, the, I have to say, they got the Modelo Negra. They do.

They have the Modelo Negra. Yeah. That was the Bureau. So I was talking about, man, it's tough. It's hard. It's hard to order that in public. Very tough. Especially if you're drunk, especially if you're drunk.

Yeah. You look around and you're like, why is there so many Madelonagras around here? What the hell? I'm about to die of heat stroke, I got to be honest with you. I'm pretty hot. It's very interesting doing this here. Yeah. It's different.

It is different. Yeah, I probably leaned in a little too hard into the character I'm playing on the show. The thing is, we're in a basement, so when you go, yeah, the yeah the character we're in a basement so when you go subterranean it's yeah there's something about being below the surface that makes you be like it's safe to find i know i know yeah we're doing the podcast like like below the water barrier like it's like below sea level yeah it's like the reverse of altitude like you just get like all loopy. Yeah. We become troglodytic. We become these bugs that are afraid of light.

Yeah. Anyway, I guess we got to end the episode now and then we'll do the Patreon. Do you guys want to eat and then do the Patreon or just do the Patreon? Let's just do the Patreon and then eat. Let's go smoke some weed. Alright. Sick. Bye. Patreon.com weed. All right. All right. Sick. Bye.

Oh, patreon.com slash lemon party for more bonus episodes. If you're listening to this, my baby's probably already born. God bless. What the fuck is this piece of shit? Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl Nighttime would find me in Rose's Cantina Music would play and Paulina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Paulina

Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a wild young cowboy came in