lemonparty - 062: It's A Colorful Life

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

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Chicken Wings This show's just gonna like turn into hate watch. We just open packages. Okay. Yeah, Ben had a kid. We immediately stopped trying. we lose all chemistry just turns into a flop house we all just start getting fucked up ben's like trying to reel us in yeah you and me are crushing up like benzos snorting them off the patrice framed uh poster well now that we have a p.o box we can become like an unwrapping channel that's true make

millions of dollars for like toddlers and babies. And we just go like, oh, look, it's a bomb. One of those YouTube channels where it's four kids and pedophiles at the same time. Are we recording now? Yeah, yeah. It's good by now, right? It's rad. Yeah, we should be good.

So we started a P.O. Box and we've got, I think, my favorite piece of fan mail. I picked this up this week. So just read that out loud for the camera, Ben. Oh, and the P.O. box is public. Yeah, we'll post that in the episode description. That's all it is? That's all it is. It's Rob Schneider as a Chinese man.

A Chinese man man and i now pronounce you chuck and larry hell yeah i opened that in the post office and they have no ink they printed it like a fast you open it up i was i was in front of an old black woman getting the rest of the p.o box and i was opening stuff and i just unwrapped a chinese guy and i go very good oh look at you with your little ching chong bing bong fan art oh is this one of them racist podcasts p.o boxes oh we get a lot of y'all here we get a lot of y'all shit i guess to protect people's uh privacy i can't read their read their address they have like jobs right i doubt it i don't know they're allowed inside post offices they're on disability these

people are still waiting for their $1200 stimulus check it's been very because I've this week I've been emailing people who yeah there you go someone sent me Anthony Kibia's memoir oh my god he wrote a book I didn't know that it's the only book

with an n-word and a forward no I've been emailing people who put It's the only book with an N-word and a four-word. Now, I've been emailing people who put their addresses in wrong this week, and it's been really fun because I've been shooting out emails like, hey, you gave me this address, and they go, ah, damn, that doesn't exist. Sorry, I was blackout drunk. How does that happen, by the way? How did we get so many people that don't know where they live? that this guy says how much he appreciates and loves the show and he goes also here's an anthony camilla tweet from earlier today and then he posts a screenshot of a tweet

he printed out from anthony camilla which is really how you should read anthony's tweets yeah oh yeah and he's it's him being mad about george floyd he says uh in response to biden saying i urge congress to pass the george floyd he says uh in response to biden saying i urge congress to pass the george floyd justice and policing act blah blah blah and anti-kamea quote tweeted it and say they name a bill after a violent drug addicted piece of shit stop canonizing this low-life corpse how these people get a single vote in this country is beyond me god i'm glad i didn't open that in front of the black lady wow Wow. And then he signed it. Signed it.

The guy who said the letter signed it. Esquire. Happy holidays. Thank you. That's from Christopher Arnold. Yeah. These are great. I'm actually going to read this.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sure it's, I'm sure it's great. Do you think like Richard Spencer, like, like frames, like Kamiya tweets, like, like when Jay-Z shouted out Mac Miller and jay-z like he like put a placard of the tweet yeah i think he has it like embossed in battle like it's like a fucking those posters we sell patrice o'neill once said yeah yeah he could access funny quicker there's also a whole thing i just when i skimmed through it for a second he said he could access funny quicker than anybody else that he met.

Which goes to show the duality of man, you know, to want to round up all black people and put them in camps and kill them. And to also be really, really funny. What if he became too funny that that's the reason he became racist? They like overloaded. Like in the Matrix when Neo gets too much of the Matrix and he becomes like magic. It's like that type of thing yeah i think so i mean he channeled too much when he did the popeye getting crucified bit it was too much comedy and it made him racist in the blink of an eye like the lawnmower man for n words honestly like if you go on like splash mountain you should turn just see anthony camilla

like chasing a little black figure yeah tied, tied up in a briar bush. He's been tricked into a big thorny bush. Trying to take pictures of a briar rabbit on his cell phone. This sent me this. Wow. It's just the Burt Kreischer's first comedy special. Comfortably dumb. Yeah.

He looks good there. Yep. He looks a little healthier there. Let's see what's in the package. Let's see what's in the box. Let's see what's in the box. Oh, it's ticking. This is nice. They actually wrapped it so when it breaks, whatever it is.

Yeah. Oh, it's different gifts. This says, to Devin from Hitler. Yeah. So this is from... So Hitler's son is a fan of the show and sent us in a bunch of stuff. It's kind of... I feel like it's like literally a turd. I feel like I just shit.

Oh, this is to Devin from Hans Kim. Oh. So it actually is a bomb. This is to Ben from Red Band. Okay, very good. If there's nothing for me i'm gonna kill myself which makes it even funnier damn damn that sucks oh wait no i think he did get me something i think i took it out and forgot to open it and i'm not making that up it's like it's like a blue lives

matter gun shirt so what doesn't kill me makes me fucking stronger. Makes me, whatever doesn't kill me better start fucking running. That's pretty good. Hell yeah. I wear that at the gym. Yeah. Imagine we get on Rogan and you wear that shirt. And we just talk about that for 90 minutes. I wear that shirt and he goes, you're the funniest guy I've ever met.

He's like, no, you can put messages on a shirt about how much of a badass you know about that man i fought for whiskey bacon and freedom man i'm glad i didn't get one now honestly and devon got two this is gonna be a human bone it's gonna be like his grandma's finger i love that we have a po box it's expensive to have a po box but it's worth it well there's a little note in here and it says it's the extra muscle they have. Are you serious? He cut it out of a black guy doing an experiment. God bless these people.

Why is it so wrapped? God bless us, everyone. Okay, who's going to get to read the Anthony Camilla memoir first? Oh, it's a bottle opener. Thank you. It looks vaguely racist, though. Oh, it's like a fish. Big mouse, bill looks vaguely racist. Oh, it's like a fish. Big mouse billy bass. Hell yeah. Thank you, buddy.

Whatever. Appreciate you. Nice. Fuck this place. Yeah, so that was nice. Ben's wife shit a baby out, too. Got a new dad. Congratulations. How do you feel? Is it different?

Do you feel any different? Obviously, you can't now imagine You can't, I mean, obviously like you can't like now imagine like life without her, but like nothing's really changed for me. Gotcha. Okay. Like, can I tell you something?

And, uh, but only if you guys promise not to be mad. Sure. Uh, I did end up watching, uh, that George Floyd documentary over the holidays.

Wait, what is this one? The, the one on YouTube, the, the George Floyd documentary, The Fall of Minneapolis. Yeah, so it's not a good documentary. It's about how he wasn't really killed. Yeah. It was directed by a knee.

A knee that was tired of bad press. Yeah, produced by Barbara Shears. Yeah, so nothing's really changed for me. i mean yeah i've just been preparing myself for because you look at her and you go i mean one day i'm gonna have to answer you know she's gonna have to ask me questions and i'm gonna have to have answers like you know she's gonna look up at me and be like uh you know uh daddy why why was there 11 nanograms of fentanyl in George Floyd's blood system? I'll go, well, I don't know. These are the questions.

These are the questions. You're going to sit her down and be like, so you've heard of the birds and the bees. What happens is the bird goes into the beef store, and he's high on fent. He starts bugging out. Anybody I've told I watched the documentary has been very upset with me. Who do you tell?

Just my friends. I'll be like, I watched, and they're like, stop. Please don't do that. Yeah. Because I knew going into it, too, any documentary I watched before, I think I said, I know I'm going to believe whatever it says. So I'm like, you're just downloading a new person. You go in a thing and come out, and I believe whatever it says. So I'm like, you're just downloading a new person out. You go in a thing

and come out and I believe whatever the documentary said. It's also funny to imagine the picture because I've seen your living room. It's a beautiful Christmas tree. It's like you're holding a beautiful baby. You're on next to a pillow that says home is where the dogs are. And then the TV is like,

would a black man choke to death in eight minutes? Well, it's funny because I do. I have my newborn here, and I'm like Burpiger, and I have my laptop on my knee, and then the documentary is on the TV. You're screencasting it? Yeah.

No, I have the computer because I'm downloading the PDF of his toxicology report from the Minneapolis Medical Examiner's website and stuff. I'm fact-checking everything. You're one of those shitty dads who puts his phone on his kid's head to watch football, but it's just for crime statistics. I will

say this because enough time has passed that it's worn off on me a little bit. I will say this. The man did not get a fair trial. I think that's fair. I think that's fair. He didn't get a fair trial. Here's a couple big things that I'd like to... It is funny to say this and I. Yeah. A couple, here's a couple big things. Sure. I'd like to, it is funny to say this

and I keep looking, I go, there's Shaq bobblehead. That's Kobe Bryant. That's a bunch of black people. There's Patrice. And there's the Anthony. Like,

by the way, truly, truly our heroes are either black people or people who hate black people. And this book covers, like, it's funny to him. He's like, is it funny a white guy in prison? Yeah.

He's like, don't you get it? Because you've never seen this before. Yeah. And I do love Amp, but that is basically the caution tape over the mouth. It is. Headshot. It's the comedy special holding the mic up to your head like a gun. Like a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is amazing he got a career doing blackface. Yeah, that big break was he did uh electro shock oj yeah to the tune of sim on the dock above the bay well he hates black people because he hates himself he's like a swarthy that's a salient you know the whole the whole uh fucking true romance speech is all about oh you know he saw you know he saw that scene and just started going ape shit in the theater throwing sodas shooting at the screen oh they had to like uh to restrain him probably in the aisle someone had to put a knee on his neck which so that's one of the things is uh what's very funny is derek chauvin's mom like her his like mommy is in the documentary. What is her name?

I don't know. Martha Chauvin? It's something like, just at the bottom it says like, Derek Chauvin's mommy. Your what? Mommy. And she's just like, she's like this big Kathy Bates type lady. It's very funny. She's like, my baby did nothing wrong.

Like all that shit, you know? He has soft knees. My baby did nothing wrong like all that shit you know but uh he has soft knees my baby's knees are like pillows she found a writer that drove off the road and takes him in and just kneels on his neck yeah breaks his knees by kneeling on them putting a wood block and kneeling into him so this was one of the biggest things to me is uh she kept holding up derek chauvinvin's police manual where she's like, this is my this is my son's manual right here that the judge kept rejecting. Judge Cahill, I think his name was, kept rejecting it as evidence, which clearly states in the Minneapolis police manual training, that MRT is the way you restrain people who refuse to be arrested.

What is MRT? Maximum Restraint Whatever. Must really terminate black people. That's what we call it. MRTB, that's Kanye's new album. So in the manual, it shows a picture of a guy kneeling on someone's neck and the they keep asking the police chiefs on the stand like do you train any of your officers to do

this like no not at all and then they tried to submit the training manual for evidence and the judge struck struck it down he said it couldn't be evident which is i mean it is a funny defense like your honor if if my son was racist would he do something the police would do sorry not to be a cock sorry i'm a cock no she's like she's like here's my son's a training manual right here and she holds up a dvd copy of american history x like everything they make them watch this thousands of times no no no my son's boss was david duke but he did nothing wrong could have taken him out to the curb we're lucky it was just a knee he you know he was eyeing that curb right next to him the whole time yeah oh yeah yeah they call uh they

call curbs black people dentists dude i met somebody met somebody who was curb stomped recently. Not like recently, but I met a guy recently who was curb stomped in San Diego. Like one of my friend's friends. Oh my God. Like four teeth missing on the front of his... What is he up to? Why is he around people that curb stomp as a punishment? I shook his hand and he just started shaking.

Like a dog that only gets beat by men. I didn't even know you could survive that. either yeah no i mean he got fucked up but it was like 10 years ago but he's got all his like fucking teeth missing he was mexican he got curbstomped can you imagine getting curbstomped for being mexican it was oh it was like a race thing yeah it was a race he was a hate crime yeah yeah yeah it was choco willing curb stomped him he got too close to the seal beach where they spray water on him the curb stomping thing is crazy because it turns your face into remembering beetlejuice when she opens up her jaw really wide it's crazy

because it just splits you like a jawbreaker yeah i think the guy didn't do it great because i don't think it broke his jaw open but it did like fucking knock all his teeth out yeah he was wearing like hokas yeah there's like too much shit yeah he had to he had to do the pump real quick. He runs a very high-end sushi restaurant now. Curbstomp Victim Sushi Gay. Mexican? Mexican guy, yeah. It's a walking race joke.

Interesting. He's just making ceviche at a sushi place. It's just shrimp taco. It's a shrimp and tomato sauce, Juan. Okay? We're not at Nobu. So anyway, you were saying, Ben,

what was the other point that they defended him with? Look, he got arrested like a year before that, too, and there's video of him, as he's getting arrested, he's throwing all these pills in his mouth, and it's a bunch of fentanyl. Floyd? George Floyd? Yeah, and then he admits, he's like, yeah, I just threw all these pills in his mouth and it's a bunch of fentanyl. Floyd? George Floyd? Yeah, and then he admits

he just threw all these pills in my mouth. Dude, imagine taking fentanyl. Was he trying to kill himself? No, he's trying to hide it so he doesn't get arrested. And his tolerance for fentanyl is higher. That's an interesting strategy. And then he admits it. Yeah, that's an interesting strategy. He calls his mouth a toilet. He's like, I'm flushing it. Juice WRLD did that.

Juice WRLD literally was like, yo they my friends are gonna get in trouble so i should eat all of this all of these drugs and die yeah he's like i should take 800 pills of fentanyl a senate i mean i can so here's the thing they then they did an independent autopsy report that the medical that was separate from the medical examiner of the of the county then george floyd's family and the defense uh or the i guess the prosecutor um the family hired someone else that said like none of this had anything to do with him not being able to breathe and then they and then on like live on tv with the trial they're

like no we don't train anybody to kneel on people's necks even though there's literally diagrams that are exactly like how chauvin's doing it. Right. Where you pin someone's neck down so they stop moving because he started kicking all the cops. I'd never seen the video actually. It's the back. It's what the car's blocking it.

My favorite's the Asian guy that just watches. He's like, shame to your mother. The Asian guy, yeah, he got a couple years too. Yeah, he put hands behind back at one point. Yeah. He just started staring at him. He started gliding.

He took a walk. He took a brisk walk he started exercising he's like choke him until the cigarette goes down to the nub it would be funny if just below the car you don't see he has just two guns he's firing the whole time so it wasn't the amount of fentanyl though in his system not really like according like back it said like back pain pills that amount according to the separate uh medical exam like the medical examiner that they did the with the autopsy they decided it had nothing to do with anything the the pills yeah the fentanyl did not kill him yeah so this is the uh weird i mean i'm just saying like this is if we watched a video of a guy of a man being murdered weird

so I want to say it looks worse than because first of all number 7 is caffeine positive yeah number 6 is codonine positive I looked that up you know what that is? it's tobacco oh what? so he had a cigarette that day

yeah or a zen possibly but he had respiratory issues. We know George Floyd was definitely popping Zens. And he had a hyper, what's it called? A hyper where your blood can't pop properly and stuff. Hyper pressure? Fuck. Whatever.

I'm retarded. I mean, he had the same blood test as Henry Hill in the end. He was just having Henry Hill's last day. He had hypertensive heart disease. Cardiomegaly. The vaccine would have killed this guy immediately. He wasn't healthy.

He was jacked though. Somehow. He looked good. I wish I had George Floyd's disease. There's a lot of black people out there that are very athletic looking and they drop dead at 50. Yeah, exactly. They have like John Henry disease.

Yeah. It's really, it's really like a curse from God, frankly. So apparently this, uh, can facilitate some sort of response where he can't really breathe very well and it suppresses the lungs. Right. And then he keeps, he keeps kicking and he's refusing to get in the car. And then some guy walks by and he goes Jesus dude you're going to give yourself a heart attack

just get in a civilian walking by says that Anthony Kamea walked by Opie tried to step on his neck like a cake so then he keeps kicking them all and then they take him out and put him on the ground and then he does the MR all, and then they take him out and put him on the ground.

And then he does the MRT thing, which he's trained to do where he kneels on someone's neck without cutting off the airflow, supposedly. So that's what's crazy to me is I always thought he just, he goes, this is how I do things around here, Buster. I just put my foot on their fucking neck. Well, that's what I thought, too. He's like, I'm a bit of a john wayne like i go buck wild so everybody in the trial was trying to save their own ass and was afraid that they would be because these people the cops probably felt like and let me relate this to you guys so you can understand it they probably felt like the uh the the good people and killers of the flower moon where they go, this town is going to hunt me for the rest of my life

if I don't go up on the stand. This knee is just going to slow him down. Now the Air Force is on the other foot. So the police chiefs, everybody goes out, they go, we don't train anybody. That's crazy.

We all throw them under the bus. We tell them to let black people go historically. We don't have a history of this. I will say this. Whether or not Chauvin is negligence or he wanted to take another man's life, I don't know that, but I do know he did not receive a fair trial, which he has a right to in this country. Well, either did O'Reilly's auto parts.

I mean, they didn't kill kill anybody and a lot of those were burned down by the way it's funny all of a sudden I care about justice this is hilarious I'm like you're on it I was literally gonna say the second you had a daughter you started becoming a George Floyd guy

four years later too I'm Floyd pilled now you are Floyd pilled wasn't there a whole thing when all that was happening where they said they like kind of knew each other and they used to be bouncers at a club. They worked at a nightclub together. Yeah and I think there was like

some personal vendetta like it wasn't like Chauvin kind of like angry at George. Well I'm watching a documentary that says Derek Chauvin's innocent so they probably don't get into any of that because they can't have a part where he was friends with a black guy. God forbid.

By the way, if you pause the video of the officers arresting him, his mouth is open and it looks like there's pills in it. He had popped them again right there. By the way, 11 nanograms of fentanyl is not nothing. Could that have been jewels from his teeth? I'm not saying he was a pinnacle of health andl is not nothing. Yeah. Okay. Well, could that have been jewels from his teeth? Hell yeah.

I'm not saying he was a pinnacle of health and wasn't, you know, up to some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guy was yelling, I can't breathe, and then did die. So, you know, unfortunately, that video doesn't look great for you, pal. I don't know what to tell you. Who gives a shit about the science behind it, honestly? And it is like, not to be a woke cuck, but a little bit of that argument is like, guys, come on, he was really fucking black. black like that's kind of the real argument kind of what they're saying they're like he was big and black and strong and can't take a little white knee he

tested positive for dunking your officer so this this study i read just because i'm like what did actually happen because this changed america completely yeah it's changed everything this and january 6th really impacted the culture it helped ruin tv frankly yeah well you know george floyd would have been really into ashley babbitt he would have fucked the shit out of her they would have been married today had they both lived okay so i will say this so like when people say when people say this is so funny you had a kid There's no way I haven't seen you since you had your first born baby I know

I'm literally imagining he sees his baby for the first time And he's like we gotta get him off the streets They're fucking animals This was an eight accidental drug overdose Deaths in which fentanyl was deemed solely responsible. The mean blood concentration was 36 nanograms per milliliter, range of 5 to 120. So that means someone overdosed at 5 and someone overdosed at 120.

So he had a lethal dose of fentanyl in him. So if anybody ever says... The examiner said if he was found alone in his apartment and they did the toxicology report, they would deem it an overdose most likely. But then they would be like, hey, did any of your roommates like kneel on your neck for nine minutes before we got here? We think a knee broke in and killed him. I think my personal theory on it is that his lungs were having

a lot of trouble breathing to the point where he, like you could literally just put your hand on his neck probably like this and cut off any air flow. I'm willing to say he wasn't a normal guy

having his neck stepped on. Yeah, it wasn't like he was Reginald Van Johnson getting choked out. And he also did say, I can't breathe. Maybe take the knee off a little bit. And I think that was true. He couldn't breathe.

But he kept kicking. He kept kicking like crazy. And like, I have a newborn, and it's hard when you're putting the onesie on. Well, when you change your diaper, you put the knee on it. Yeah. Just to get her secure. It's MRT. It's in my manual.

I kneel on my newborn to put her diaper on. You go, stop resisting. Stop resisting. You put a police uniform on the umbilical cord when she was in the womb. It got wrapped around her neck a few times. You go through her shin. You're like fentanyl, just like I expected. That's a fentanyl pill casing.

But I got to say, having a daughter was the most beautiful experience I've ever had in my life. I know. You really have taken to it very well. It's been very fun to watch. Everybody's really proud of me actually. Yeah. Yeah. I like it.

Everyone says I am. I'm like killing it. You came like 10 months ago and you've done so much work since then. It was such a, Oh God, I wish I, now I want to tell everybody to have a kid. It's such a beautiful,

you shouldn't have a kid unless you know, you love your partner and you have your shit together like you have to like get your soul right with god before you right but by the way when he says that that doesn't um that's not for anybody who listens to this show at all should not have a don't have any children yeah it's uh it's changed everything yeah it's like i i held her in my arms on Christmas Day, and I watched It's a Wonderful Life with her, and it was maybe the most favorite thing. It was the best experience I've ever had in my life. I just held her and watched It's a Wonderful Life. Dude, can I tell you, I watched It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Day.

I almost started crying just thinking about all the blessings in life. It's one of the greatest films ever made. It's truly one of the greatest American films of all time. It's so good. Yeah. I do love the. More of a click guy. Have you seen Santa Claus 2?

Christmas with the cranks. Hello. There is like a bunch of like veiled racism in it though. Yeah. That's why I said the greatest film of all time. Well, George, you can't kill yourself. You're Donald O'Meara, black guy. George Floyd Bailey.

Well, our fentanyl is not in my system. It's your new system and your system over there. And Mrs. Johnson's cat. They've all got fentanyl's not in my system. It's your near system. And your system over there. And in Mrs. Johnson's cat. They've all got fentanyl. That's very good. The whole town comes together and gives him $18. He's just trying to get one parking ticket paid for in the city of fucking Crenshaw.

What's funny is he's like, he like dies. An angel gets his lemon pepper wins. We still got it. We still got it, guys. It's funny because of the movie. He wishes he was never born. And then Clarence, the angel grants him the wish

for the last 10 minutes of the movie. It happens so late in the movie. So late. Yeah. How do you remember it as it happens immediately? It happens in the last 20 minutes of the movie. Oh, it's great. And then he's running through the town

and he's figuring out he actually was never born. And as he's going through the town, the town's like a black, they're listening to black music. No, literally, yeah. There's crazy lights going and everybody's a whore. He runs back into town and there's a pickup game going on.

He's like, oh my god. Oh my god, it's horrible. Dude, there's also the funniest scene because he goes back and he's like, yeah, your brother died in the ice when he was a little boy. You weren't there to save him because you were never born, George. Yeah, you were never born. And your wife wife she's just

an ugly bitch. She's just an ugly lonely bitch. She works at the library and she like never fucked. Yeah. That's the whole thing. And that's the one part that truly terrifies him. He sees his wife and she just has glasses and a hat. Dude he flips out. He flips out and he tracks

her down and he chases her into a bar and he starts trying to like fucking rape her. Yeah. He like holds her down and he chases her into a bar and he starts trying to fucking rape her. He holds her down and shit. He goes, Mary, Mary, fuck me off, Mary. Mary, I gotta come at you. She throws her hymen attack. It's not right. Come here.

Who fucked you? Who fucked you, you whore? Mary. He's just mad because other people fucked her because he was never born. Did you fuck Martini, that Italian guy at the bar? At the end, the whole town comes together to give him money. And then the one black lady comes in and she's like, oh, shit, I got money for you too, honey chat. What is this?

It's the last 30 seconds of the movie. And everybody comes in, they go, and Merry Christmas to George Bailey, the greatest man who ever lived. Here's $5,000. And then, I swear to God, a black lady, big head goes, I'm with the Bailey here in the quarter for you. I ain't got no money, but I got some fresh watermelon for you.

Dude, I swear to God. It's crazy. Everybody laughs at her. And she might get pushed down in need at the party. No, so that's what's funny. Everybody's laughing because it's like, oh, even a black person is chipping in about old George Bailey. So that's what's funny. Everybody's laughing because it's like, oh, even a black person is chipping in

about old George Bailey. Old George Bailey. Yeah. It's a fantastic film. It's his maid. I haven't seen that movie in a long time. Oh, no, it was his maid.

It was his, I think his father's maid. Mr. Bailey's housekeeper. Mm-hmm. But anyway, it's fantastic. It's literally like one of the greatest films

I've ever seen you had a beautiful I mean your kid being born like a few days before Christmas it's like such a weird lovely time it was amazing

bunch of things coming and then right after that I literally put on the George Floyd documentary and I told my wife to go I'm like go I run some errands I have some research

to do for work Katie's bleeding like a slug behind her you're like hey get some pizzas. I'll hand her $20. You're going to get a pedicure. I got to do research for the podcast we're recording in 10 days. No, it was great.

I went to the hospital and I got to hold her. She farted in my hands immediately. It was beautiful. She looks like the alien from Men in Black, the little squid alien. When she was first born. She looks like the little, she looks like the alien from Men in Black, the little squid alien when she was first born. Which is like in the first few hours.

Oh yeah, the really cute. Because she got the shit beat out of her and she's got these giant eyes. Nine pounds. Nine pounds. Nine pounds, yeah. Five hours of labor. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it's crazy. Women are incredible. I would have tapped out immediately. Oh yeah. I would have tapped out. I'd be like, nope, not doing this shit. I would be like, kill this kid. Get this out of me. Mm-hmm. uh also i gotta say very ethnic looking i was gonna

i didn't want to say but you got a little brown baby very tan you sent a picture of her you sent a picture of her in a purple bow and i thought it was maya angelou for a second yeah i thought she was gonna read me poetry at a liberal arts college. This is God's revenge on me. He's like, I'm going to give you a beautiful baby that's vaguely mixed race. And you always wonder. The baby is yours, but it is very black. A very black baby. With your blood.

It's your blood. But it looks like Rachel Dole. The baby looks like it was born to Bentavious Caldwell Pope. I come to the room. That's so funny. I come to the room, she's already palming a basketball. So what's weird is we had this weird Eastern European nurse, and the hospital's a shithole. The lights don't work.

The guy's putting the epidural in my wife's spine in the dark. He's like, this is very dangerous. Yeah, the lights went out while they were giving the epidural. Yeah, you kept talking about that. I'm like, what hospital is this? Where like, it sounds like what was Katrina happening? And like the electricity kept going off and on. You went to Chauvin Memorial.

He went to Ben Shapiro's crowdfunded hospital. This is what you expect. Somebody had their knee on the power. This is what you expect in the United States is you pay out the ass for healthcare and you get absolutely nothing in return return it felt it was not very reassuring thankfully our ob was great she was your ob was great dude it was even funny like when i went to go visit him that i like i signed in i literally was just like yeah my brother and his wife had a baby and they're like all right go

and then i'm just i'm walking around the hospital like i'm like yeah you're just kind of allowed in i'm like really like i can just walk in and like, just start like fucking killing these babies. Which is hilarious. Cause when we showed up and Katie was in labor, they go, okay, why are you here? And they go, okay, go over there. And then another lady goes, okay. And why are you guys here? Yeah.

And you were like, yeah, like Katie's hiding a beach ball. You can just walk in and be like, I'm here to look at pussies. I like the screams. It really does it for me. I like watching giant ladies and their big pussies i like the screams it really does it for me i like watching giant ladies and their big pussies shoot out humans i have no relation to the family i want to watch a pussy stretch i want to see him stretch no dude it was even funny i went to the wrong i actually went into the emergency room first and i and i walked in i go hi i'm looking my brother just had a band

then i see a guy who just burned to a crisp like on a gurney i go oh my god i go is this the word the baby he goes no and then i walk i'm holding your baby for the first he cocks a shotgun he goes no he puts it down like that cow and napoleon died he goes you wanna he goes if we if you walk in and you wanna we can just we'll let you do it and do the first time i was holding your baby i was just trying to push out like a fucking charred, crispy human like to the side of me. So this Eastern European nurse kept going in and she would look at the baby and she goes, oh my God, your baby is so cute.

And then she goes, aren't mixed race babies just the cutest? She really said that? Swear to God. Oh my God. She said it so many times that on our way out, she remarked to all the nurses as we're going out the double swinging doors. She goes, everybody, that's the cutest baby I have seen all year. Aren't mixed race babies just the cutest babies?

And then she tried to kill it on a rock. It's black and not the boy. Quick, put it in the grocery bag. Do not let them see. Dude, which means, because they were both in the room which means literally she was like doing all the stuff and like testing her and then she's like beautiful baby and then she walks outside she's like you believe that wife fucked the shit out of a black guy and got her that's what she has to think right she thinks i'm i'm like an assistant like

you're some in some sort of weird you've been cocked and cheated on but you decided to raise like the fourth ball brother like you're you must think you're like the fourth ball brother. You're like LaMelo Ball Black or something. Why would she say that? Doesn't that come off as an insult? I have no idea. Are you saying my wife is fucking... What do you think is going on here?

Literally, what? I'm like, you can put him on pitch. You put her against the fucking wall? Say it again I have a butterfly knife Literally what What race would she think you are I don't know

Me and Katie still will never know Even if you were any other race You would be Chinese That's the only one you could possibly get to Well the baby looks like an Asian baby of some kind She looks like a Blasian Which I'm thrilled about because i saw the other babies in the hospital and holy shit we had the cutest one yeah i'm not gonna lie no truly i mean i was i was i was a little worried you know because i don't like having to pretend babies are cute but your

babies are well that's really cute katie even said to you going in she's like yeah babies are ugly for the first like six months so So ugly. But luckily she fucked a black guy. I'm just saying, you know, when she gets that college scholarship, be thankful. Does she think I'm Jewish? Because she wouldn't say Jewish.

That's not mixed race. You can't say. I mean, Jews claim to not be white. We know this whole. Jews right now really hate babies. True. So yeah, I still don't know to this day what that means i don't know if like a lemon party listener paid this woman an exorbitant amount of money to become our assigned nurse and i don't

know if she dressed up like how the joker dressed up like the nurse and like walked in there and was act she's like a paid actor from a lemon party fan to say that but she kept saying it it's a beautiful mixed race baby and you're obviously the father you've announced you're the dad it seemed it's very obvious actually i did introduce myself as the father because on the board you put that you have like the mother's name and the nurse and all that stuff so she knew and like i'm looking at my wife's pussy and her tits and stuff and her like her asshole. So she knows.

Maybe you're so tall. She's like, he must be mixed or something. She can only see shapes. He's so tall, the melanin got like stretched out and can't blacken him. Cause she was like, what? Like Eastern European? Like a Baltic thing.

I have no idea. They don't, They're no concept. Like, they're the ultimate whites. So, like. If somebody doesn't smell like onions, they think they're black. You're wearing corduroy. Maybe it had to do with that. If you don't look like Rumpelstiltskin, you're a minority to them.

Yeah, she's going back to making rock soup and spinning a blanket on a big wheel. A babushka. Yes, I still, I'll never know. Unfortunately, I'll never know if she's going back to making rock soup and spinning a blanket on a big wheel. A babushka. Yes, I still, I'll never know. Unfortunately, I'll never know if she's got. That is so bizarre. I guess Katie could be like a light-skinned Hispanic, maybe, but even that is a stretch. No, not at all. Katie's just white.

Yeah. She's a lovely white woman. You guys are a white-ass couple. Yeah. But yeah, your kid does look like Pacific Island-y. Yeah, it's great. A little bit. it it's great it's also hilarious with your whole love of lilo and stitch how she came out i know it's kind of it's kind of like oddly poetic i know a little uh tropical yeah yeah little polynesian sauce we were playing uh the lilo and stitch soundtrack as she came out

really yeah yeah that's great and as she's coming out, it's crazy because the lights in the room were like, they were becoming this extraordinary, extraordinarily bright. And like, then when the baby's actually coming, like more nurses gathered in. So there's four women

and I kept looking at them and back to Katie and it's like the moment. And it, I kept having this thought that these four women are angels. It's all i kept thinking about like they i'm like they're the incarnation of some like they've been sent here from heaven and now

they're bringing this thing from heaven and when she came i was like oh i could feel her like crossing over like and there was a soul that was breathed into it was just it was fucking insane yeah it was the craziest moment of my life and then doing skin to skin with her and i got to cut the umbilical cord and none of it was disgusting at all i wanted to oh yeah i wanted to be in the juices and in the pussy and all that i i thought i would think it's disgusting yeah i'm like a faggot kind of start fucking katie right after all the nurses it's a completely horrific you go doc sew my dick into her new Yeah, as I'm cutting the umbilical cord. You're like a human centipede thing.

Sew my dick inside her. You're like, I've always wanted to fuck a pussy ass. I heard they tear into one hole. I want to fuck that. It's like me cutting the umbilical cord. I'm like, all right, can we get some privacy now? I'm about to fuck this shit out of my wife. Right here, right now.

You cut it with a big gold scissors like it's a bucky's that you're doing a grand opening on will and don walk in oh we're here for the opening of katie's pussy yeah don tries to eat the baby so did you have the moment where you have to you you uh hit her on the back make her cry no she was crying she was crying. She was beat the fuck up. Yeah, she got the hell beat out of it. She got beat the fuck up. By the way, they breathe through the umbilical cord. Did you know that?

So then when you cut the umbilical cord, do they go like... Well, I kept asking because the pussy's stretching out like a rattlesnake's mouth, you know? And I'm like, is she okay in there? Like that? And they go, oh yeah, she breathes through the tube. I was like, oh, okay. I had no idea. Have you had the fear of holding her wrong?

Because I'm always terrified of babies and that soft head. I pick her up like a kitten. I don't give a shit. I go, come here. You look at her. You're holding stuff and you're pushing her around with your feet around the apartment. Like an Amazon package.

I'll hold her. I'll putt i'll like cook bacon i don't care i just want her always right here yeah yeah she's great beautiful man she's beautiful and the dogs are funny too yeah yeah she's funny as shit she just makes these she's already the only funny woman you know you had to grow the first funny woman in your life. The only woman we know that loves fart jokes. Oh, here's the other thing I've had to really reckon with. I came home. Yourself. Yes.

In all your beliefs. I have no love for my dogs anymore whatsoever. I do not give a shit about them. Pretty openly, yeah. I don't care if they die. I'll torture them to death. So one hair on her head is never harmed. I do not give a fuck about them.

Gracie's been great because she'll just guard the baby. And I love her. I go, you serve the baby. And I'm trying to get Emma to do that too, but Emma's just mad that I don't give a shit about her anymore. But I don't care.

I'm like, you can go drown in a pool or get swallowed by a coyote. Live your whole Jonah and the whale story in the belly of a coyote. I don't give a shit. Which is shocking. I literally thought you'd have to cut Gracie's neck with a knife the first day. Gracie's reacted well. Gracie's doing the whole protective thing, putting her head on her and stuff.

So Emma's acting out. Yeah. Gracie has a purpose, finally. Well, Gracie's always been kind of like a bitch lady who needs to be busy to not freak out. That's Gracie. But Emma is a little spoiled. Little pigs. You might have to kill one of them.

What are you going to do? Yeah, I mean, I really don't care if they die anymore. Is that why you're watching the Chauvin documentary? To learn how to do it? To do doggy MRT? I didn't finish the Chauvin documentary, by the way. Because you knew all the stuff already.

You're like, I should be directing this. Did it turn off 8 minutes and 44 seconds in? Apparently the actual time was like 9.30 or something. It came out later. Oh, okay. So once again, we were lied to by the lib media. I mean, that is the point, we were lied to by the lib media. I mean,

that is the point of contention here is they kept saying 736 and it was changed to 836. Then people, like Biden said, like over nine minutes. He had 56 more seconds

to figure out how to breathe. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That black bastard. I know. I don't know. I don't know. I just remember seeing it

and I go, I don't really care what he's on. It looks like a death. It just seems a little weird. Yeah. It's a bad look. It's a bad look, especially in this day and age. But this is a man was following protocol.

He simply was being a police officer the way he was trained to be. Yeah. I think that was a lot of people's point was that that was a problem. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. But it kind of feels a little bit like, like he was following police protocol. be yeah you know i think that was a lot of people's point was that that was a problem you know yeah yeah but it kind of feels a little bit like like he was following police protocol killing black people well here so here's the thing here also is the thing why do you think those targets at police ranges look like that there's a reason yeah hey everybody um our first

ad is for the kudu la la land podcast uh it's a fan of the show who messaged us um they do a podcast they asked us to say to check out the kudu la la land podcast it is to pedophilia what lemon party is to racism um so what they do is every episode we have it up there on the screen you can go check it out they review um different videos of uh la la kudu who i believe is a Japanese porn star. On their Twitter, they say that Japan has an industry of making porn with women under five feet tall who pretend to be children. Let's talk about it.

So go to their YouTube, check out their episodes. They've got a lot up there. I listened to a couple episodes talking about kind of a vague gray area child porn in the Japanese adult industry you know i love gooning i know devin you're a gooning man yourself the goon yeah if you love gooning if you love pornography if you love this weird gray area of pornography check out this podcast the kudu lala land podcast wonder how they found lemon bard this is so this is a live action lolly that they're reviewing basically yeah you could call

like a lolly review podcast um and it's basically in the name la la land yeah exactly lolly land yeah so go check them out and we really thank them for sponsoring the podcast uh this is their second ad they've done with us so really appreciate it thanks guys for supporting the show this is their handle right here on youtube yeah so go go check them out the k-u-d-o-u-l-a-l-a land podcast so all right thanks and god bless thank you uh they uh the cops did not stand with their own and shame on them for not standing with their own i thought the cops did stand with their own no they went on trial and they're like, this guy is insane. We don't train people to do this. Oh, the police chiefs.

All the chiefs and the cops, they all went up. They're like, this is crazy. We don't tell people to kneel on people's neck. They threw all of them. Because it's a fiasco. Yeah, they didn't want their house burned down. So that's the thing.

When there's that much public pressure, you don't get a fair trial. And that's what's fucked up about it. So maybe they even raised his sentence even higher than they should have just to make the public happy but fuck the public public doesn't know anything i mean i remember even like the day of sensing i'm like i want a guilty just so i can go to buffalo wild wings later tonight yeah you don't want you don't want the ralphs to burn down on your corner yeah exactly i gotta get lemons and like chicken later

it was really we we put Chauvin away for life because we were trying to preserve Valvolines all across this nation. There's a lot of cheap oil change places we can't afford to have burned down. The AMPM monster was on the jury. The big

Jamaican fruit guy. Chauvin tried to kill him too. Drink your soda hand. When they swore Chauvin tried to kill him, too. Drink your soda hand. Yeah, when they swore Chauvin and then he put his knee on the Bible. Yeah. No, so I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's just like, yeah, put him in jail.

Who gives a shit? Just put him in jail, you know? Yeah, but yeah. I guess you have to at some point, right? That is the thing, too. You got to give them something because they're going to kill everybody. Don't you feel a little weird when a guy keeps yelling,

I can't breathe for that long? Don't you let it off a little bit? Yeah. Even if he is kicking his legs. Yeah, maybe for a second you're like, can you really not breathe? Yeah, like isn't there any humanity where you're like, I think he

might not be able to breathe. Ben, meet us halfway. I'm not saying no knee. Give you a little knee. You know, just not eight and a half minutes. I guess that is the Ellie's Wiesel thing, right? Where it's like people are just following protocol. Where they go, well, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is MRT. And that is the banality of evil. Is that the whole thing or something? That you said that once?

Yeah, that's Hannah Arendt who wasn't you, said that the yeah that's that's that's hannah rent who wasn't you whatever said that the banality of evil about eichmann in jerusalem okay who's the ellie weisel guy uh he was he wrote night and then uh bernie madoff stole his money so ironically jews got him in the end yeah his life was being pro-jew and then he got all his money taken by jews he escaped prison and lo and behold he entered an an even bigger one. It's called Planet Earth. Don't worry, Joe Biden gave him $40 million.

Take that cattle car right to bankruptcy. I've spoke my piece now about Floyd. The Floyd pill didn't go all the way down. I rejected it somewhat, but it's good that I informed myself, I think, a little bit on this stuff. And, you know, you got to. Listen, you can.

I think the thing is you can dabble. Like, I think even during, you know, towards the end of the BLM riots, we were all like, all right, enough. Oh, yeah. I mean, it went far. Yeah. You know, and we had nothing to do. That was more. Had the pandemic not been going on, I don't know if that gets that much attention.

It was literally, I think, a lot of people needed to get outside and the only thing that could do it was the idea of a black revolution yeah all these gay white people to get outside again yeah which is ironic i remember even not to turn this into a cameo show but i remember the month before there was like big protests in huntington beach for covid and all my friends were like that's sick they're giving they're all getting covered right now and i remember during blm of course we all turned into groundhogs i went underground immediately set up several periscopes to look through but i would keep like kind of venturing my head out in different group chats i was in because everybody was pretending they were they were like i think this is 100 great all the time and then occasionally you dip your head and

i remember sending like a big thing of like fucking huge street in la full of like 9 000 people neck to neck and then i sent it to all those same friends they're like no it's they're all wearing masks it's fine they're outside it doesn't matter yeah it was it was all extremely hypocritical yeah and now that was that whole year was just different sides taking turns being gay about it. It is ironic. A black guy inspired people to get out in nature. Everyone take a hike. Yeah, that's true. A black guy saved us from a Chinese virus. And isn't that a symbol for this country?

It is beautiful. I think the thing I've been meditating on, like why I even watched it is after having a kid, the thing I've been thinking about a lot is that uh a lot of this discourse in the world it's like you know there's the way that the world is and then there's the way that the world should be and to only live in the way that you think the world should be is it's kind of retarded and like pretty childish and it's like grow the fuck up and like maybe you should have to you know like fight for like love and light in this world and that's a it's a beautiful thing actually yeah but i think that i don't know what the hell you're on about yeah do you have any idea

how crazy you are yeah how fucked up you sound right now talking about derrick chauvin um no that's the thing is like yeah there's the way the ideal way the world should be in the way the world is but i think the people i always have problems with are the guys who are my bosses at security company jobs who like they don't view the world how it is because we're in santa carita and everything's fine and they're just being like they're doing black people down there and they're robbing just getting furious at like the idea of black crime which is happening but it's not you're fine like why do you yeah give a shit you know yeah it is weird when your life is pretty good and you're still obsessed with finding these these uh no pun

intended dark corners of the world very good devon yeah you just show you join you join like this retarded fox new News army of like, here's what you get mad at today. Right. You're like the Nightcrawler's victims. Yeah. Well, it seems like racism is older people's cardio. You kind of age into it.

You're like, I don't really want to work out. I'm just going to get really angry. Because you start huffing and puffing just in your chair. That is Bowflex in the modern day. You turn on the news and you just see a black

guy lifting a TV over his head and throwing it through the window of a jewelry store. That's you doing heavy cardio day is thinking about black people. And then your rest day, you're like, all right, I'm just going to think about Mexicans for a little bit.

I'll get kind of upset at that. Yeah, let's get onto the wall. I had some videos I wanted to play, by the way. I was trying to figure out the context of this situation here. Did you guys see this? No. These people at the airport. Is this going to play?

Let me see. I'm good, chef. Remember your girl. Ah, damn. Two gay guys. You don't care about the girls, chef. You don't care about the girls. I don't care about the girls.

And they fucked us up. There's us. You don't care about the girls. Hello fuck the girls you don't care about the girls hello everybody Justin Eric and Caroline fuck the sober alright

here we go is that a retarded gay guy dude I don't know if he's so drunk I can't tell if he's drunk retarded or gay

I think the thing is if he's sober his gay accent's fucking insane and the fact that he's drunk he sounds like he literally has

down syndrome yeah yeah I bet he's yeah he's sober you're right he's like one of those the fact that he's drunk, he sounds like he literally has Down syndrome. Yeah, yeah. He's like one of those gay guys that's like, meh. Because isn't that the thing about being gay is it turns other gay guys on to sound like you've come in the jowls of your mouth. Like it's the godfather.

You soak cotton balls in cum and then put them back around your molar. They have all sorts of tricks. Cumming is never enough for them. He's so retarded, that's why he's gay. He doesn't know he's been fucking a man. He doesn't know about pussy. I think the title...

He thinks ass is pussy. He's like, man, I love fucking sweet ass pussy. Full of shit. And hair. Man, I love fucking sweet ass pussy. Full of shit. And they're both dressed like French mimes. Oh, yeah, these two. What's the context here?

It says airport travel is already bad enough without these two sashaying around. Sashaying? Sashaying around, yeah. Can I borrow someone to tell you about my story? Shelby and Dolly. Shelby and Dolly. Shelby and Dolly. think about your girls because i think they're probably traveling somewhere in the holidays to see like his i'm assuming his nieces or something. Oh, yeah. There's one uncle they're going to go see that's terrified of them.

Oh, for sure. Think about your girls. Or he had a beard and had kids. Oh, maybe. Or those are two little midget people that he fucks and he sees them on Christmas. Two little Thai children. He's trying to get on board

to Thailand for a Bangkok Christmas. Two little Thai children. He's trying to get on board to Thailand for a Bangkok Christmas. Think about the Gwynns. Think about your girls with their dicks taped into their butt cheeks to look like little women. There's no way this guy could have a beard though, right?

Remember them. Remember them. Remember them. I love how they chew themselves out in public. Because I think these people kind of picture that they interstage left. And they go, ah, it is the faggot and retard show once again. And there was an intermission, and now we're back. This is like an Andrew Lloyd Webber play.

The airport, the airport. Fags yelling at the airport. So now they're like, oh, I'm performing. Everything is so performative. I love that bloodhound just sitting there. Oh, that bloodhound's going crazy inside. That's a well-trained dog.

They do look like old-timey prisoners, too. I know. Oh, that bloodhound's going crazy inside. That's a well-trained dog. I wouldn't. They do look like old-timey prisoners, too. You know that dog just wants to do woo! Wait for it to do like the Brad Pitt tch, tch, tch.

Yeah. And then he attacks him. Whoa. Yeah, starts shoving it. Yeah. Whoa. Shoving a gay guy's head into the telephone.

The dog rips his pants down. And cum fucks him. And now cum starts spilling out of his head. Leo shoves the flamethrower down his mouth. He sucks it off. That is funny. The dog biting his groin. He's like, oh, yeah.

Look at this big, strong black man. The other guy's like, think about your girls. Shelby and Dobby. Shelby and Dobby. Who I guarantee you are retarded and suck ass. If you have a kid named Dobby, it better be retarded. Dobby? Good God.

If I had a retarded kid, I'd name her Dobby. Yeah. I'd change her name once I figured out she was fucked up. That's what you name something you make out of, like, silly putty. Thank God we don't have any gay psycho relatives who are going to, like, pretend that my daughter is their own and do horse shit like this around the holidays. Yeah. Well, once they saw how ethnic she looked, that won't be a problem.

No, not a problem at all. They're sending you a letter disowning you right now. Yeah. Mom did ask me to take his Christmas card back. They're sending you a letter disowning you right now. Mom did ask me to take his Christmas card back. Okay, here's the end of it. Look, look. I have my paper dogs. Fuck off, bitch.

Fuck off, bitch. What's so funny is he tries to have a moment with her where he's like, I get it. I have service dogs. And she goes, go away. And he goes, alright, fuck you, bitch. He starts going crazy. They're so bipolar. Well, in this guy's head, he thinks he's in RuPaul's Drag Race. When gay guys get drunk, that's what they go to.

He thinks he's doing this type of shit. Yeah, right. By the way, gay people stole everything from black women. okay they're all their whole personalities are just sassy black women but also why would he have service dogs like what is that like rufus bring me my prep the dog stops people from fucking his ass the dog just puts a paw over his ass he's got two dobermans just sit out yeah out behind night. Like he's about to have a seizure if he bends his asshole out. The dog just covers it so he doesn't hurt himself.

Why don't gay guys copy black guys? Why just black women? What is that? Why don't they copy like a black guy like walk around? If they copied black guys

they'd kill themselves. Black guys do not like gay people. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Holy shit. But that's why they do they're black women. They're just very

like honey okay you know they're like this close to saying like sugar child i guess that's the funny thing about this archetype of gay guy is like to be that person you need like some sort of like social grace and like you need to be like suave like you need to have a razor sharp knife to be making those cuts and like like the like in discussions and stuff to be like here there but if you're like sloppy yeah and like you sound retarded i've met a couple gay people it's crazy yeah i've met a couple gay people who thought they were like sasha fierce but they're not intelligent so they just go like oh honey you look like a fat faggot and they're just mean they're mean as fuck they're so mean and retarded they're like

your pussy stinks you gross bitch i hate you they all die like easy i don't even know how great like oscar wilde was at that stuff by the way because you know they say like i'm sorry orson welles orson welles orson welles wasn't gay no no i know but like orson welles was like quippy and like Orson Welles wasn't gay. No, no, I know. But Orson Welles was quippy and had amazing comebacks, supposedly. And then I watched a compilation the other day, and he's on Johnny Carson. Yeah. And this guy's a guest. The guy from Beretta, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he says, Orson, you've gained a lot of weight. And he goes, I can always lose weight, but you'll always be ugly. And the crowd's like, oh, and Johnny's like, yeah. I'm like, he didn't even say it quick, and it's not really that well-worded. But people are like, he was a legend. Yeah, people are like, he wore a robe, and he was really fat. But he's just fat.

That's why people think it's like a cool, quippy. You just turn to the guy, he's like, yeah, you'll be dead. You turn back. Dude, there's literally, there's an interview I read last year of, they never published it, but it was, they taped Orson Welles and this guy's just like, what do you think about Clark Gable? And he goes, Clark Gable's a fucking faggot. He sucks.

His movies suck. He was a real hater. I do love that about him. There never was, I think there's this idea, it's a myth that there ever was a real hater i do i do love that about there never was i think there's this idea it's a myth that there ever was a guy who was like that quick and like bing bang boom and i think probably the closest really was just jackie gleason right rickles rickles jackie gleason and rickles and then like that's literally but only two guys were cut from that cloth but rickles even would do a lot of jokes he's like oh bent over and fire rocket and you're like what is

that he says a lot of things so quick. You're like, I don't even know what that meant, but the crowd just laughing because of the rhythm. Yeah, exactly. Also, being a quippy guy sucks. I hate that style of humor for the most part. I hate clever. Yeah. I hate clever. I hate clever anything. Yeah. Like watching the movie Fletch

that drives me fucking crazy. We were talking about that. Me and you on Christmas. I hate Fletch. I don't get it. I hate Fletch. I drives me fucking crazy. We were talking about that. Me and you on Christmas. I hate Fletch. I don't get it. I hate Fletch. I think Chevy Chase sucks ass. Dude. I've never understood him. National Lampoon was on. The Christmas Vacation was on in the hospital and I was like this sucks my ass. I don't get it.

I know a lot of people love him. He's not good. Most of his humor in movies was him going like doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor. You're like a Zooey Deschanel guy like you think you're you think you're quirky and twee yeah you know yeah like if he was a girl he'd be going like yeah like that like if he's so funny like he's literally the ninth funniest guy in caddyshack yeah like i put everybody else the gopher is better than him in the movie yeah the, the gopher gets more laughs. What does he do?

He sucks vodka off of a woman's pussy. Yeah. That's kind of it. No, it's Christmas Vacation. He jumps in a pool and he goes, oh, it's cold, cold. And he starts yelling. Dude, that's the whole thing. That's the whole thing.

And then in Christmas Vacation, he's eating the turkey, but it's burnt. And he's like, yeah. I'm like, that's it? Yeah. That's all you got for me? Meanwhile, Randy Quaid, who is a comedic genius. Killing it! Is in a Santa hat shitting in his open sewer.

You're like, this is the greatest comedy I've ever seen. He carries those movies, actually. He really does. He's fantastic in them. It's one of my favorite things, Vegas Vacation, where he's like, I'll get the babysitter. And he overturns a box full of snakes. And just the kids start picking up the snakes and wrestling them. I mean, Randy Quaid's amazing at like Kingpin and shit he's amazing he's amazing in his own sex he's funny

he's amazing in life right now as he drives a volkswagen with his with his wife and they think they're escaping the mafia at this moment they're literally on route 66 yeah fucking his wife in like a rudy giuliani mask or whatever what did. He fucked her in a weird mask, right? He put on a mask of Don Lemon or something and fucked her. Maybe Wolf Blitzer. Was it a Wolf Blitzer mask? He was like, hey, CNN.

His wife was like, you're not white enough. Put on this Don Lemon mask. I'm Don Lemon. And I definitely say it when I'm not on it. I guess if we got the funding, I think the biggest get we could get if we had the funding to make the biggest get we could get if we had the funding to make a lemon party movie he could be the star of it he would say yes yeah

rainy's phenomenal we just have to tell him like we're not accessible to that hollywood bullshit right you and your wife are safe yeah okay bodyguards we'll tell him we're making a movie with the daily wire and he'll sign right up yeah does he think he's on the run from the devil or he thinks he's on the run from a from an elite group of hollywood hitmen for years he's on the run from the devil? He thinks he's on the run from an elite group of Hollywood hitmen. For years, he's been on the run. Because of information he has? He just thinks him and his wife are being targeted and that they're being tracked.

Is she just enabling him? This is like her meal ticket? I think she might just be a big Mountain Dew with eyes. I don't really know. We're talking about a normal woman. yeah there is like there in life like a man with schizophrenia finds a cookie monster sweatpants woman and they live a beautiful life until they kill each other yes in a motel a it's a beautiful tale it's a beautiful but it's a beautiful seven years full of wild sex and don

lemon mess yeah on second thought if you re-watch videos, it looks like she's made of popsicle sticks or something. It's just Google eyes and popsicle sticks. She's a human birdhouse. He's dating the AMPM man. The mascot. Anyway, I love Randy Quaid, though. You know these gay people, by the way?

They were stewardess on the flight after this video. I always get gay. Why are there gay stewards all the time? Is it so they can fly places and fuck? I think so. I think so. They're very devious

behind closed doors relationships. And I think being a flight attendant started in the old days, I honestly think there was a lot that just fucked you. You were almost a prostitute in the old days. Like a Pan Am flight attendant started, you know, a lot of, like in the old days, like I honestly think there was a lot that just fucked you. Like it was all, you were almost a prostitute in the old days.

Like a Pan Am flight attendant or a stewardess. There was a weird, like you watch old movies and you see the old commercials and they make a lot of sexual like wink wink. They have the short skirts.

There probably was like a Don Draper guy getting sucked off on a Pan Am flight. I think a couple airlines back in the day had like mile high like in their advertisement with like a woman like wink. In fact, I think a couple airlines back in the day had like mile high like in their advertisement

with like a woman like wink, wink. So the gay guys get in on that, you know? Your W-2 back then said sex trafficking victim. I think your ass opens up too with that altitude. It's like natural poppers. Just take me to the moon. But there's some, the guys on planes are really gay too i've seen guys like shutting the overhead thing by throwing their ass out like shutting it especially southwest

southwest is either gay flight attendants are our moms who will get blackout drunk and fuck you and think you raped them that type of energy that's so specific but i think i'm right but you know what i'm gonna double down on this i think i'm right it's just funny it all sounded like it was from personal experience i know those those whores fuck them it is always a woman that like comes over the intercom she's like all right i've had uh two uh irish coffees. Who's going to rape me? Anybody got dibs? It's just a bunch of maniacs that are the flight attendants. And then the pilot's name is like Dallas Fort Worth.

He's like this ultimate Texan man. Yeah. But I've had Southwest flights where they get on. Yeah, like literally kind of hammered. And they're like, all right, we're doing free drinks for the cabin because it's Tuesday. Yeah. You're like, god damn. You just get fucking railed in hotel rooms across this country. No, this is every

flight attendant I've met on Southwest. Is this guy right here? This guy. Have you guys seen this clip? Yeah. Is this a real person? I looked it up. It's an HBO special, apparently. That's an HBO special? Wait's an hbo special late night set this looks like uh well this person has an hbo okay i forgot there oh yeah leo reich is his name is the guy's name or the day's name it's this i mean i'm only gonna play one second of

it i'm leo a bit about me i'm a comedian yuck that's all i that's all i watched i usually make it about you know it's funny though is he's trying to now do the anti-comedy thing he's trying to make fun of yeah it's disgusting how he's standing on stage with a microphone he's on stage yeah yeah even though he's dressed like howie mandel in 1986 like he might as well put a fucking rubber glove on his cock and blow it up. So, what late night show is this that he's on here?

Oh, shit. I mean, I can usually tell by the fake laugh. Let me see. Let me see if there's a fake laugh in the background. Is this Seth Meyers' show? I'm also queer? Yeah, it might be. I watched the whole thing. That's the only response he gets. That's the only big response. Yeah, it might be. I watched the whole thing. That's the only response he gets. That's the only big response.

Yeah, because they're being cattle prodded under their seats. It's like the Bugs Life ride at Universal Studios. They start sending airwaves at you. Look into Leo Reich. Well, the HBO special, well, it's called Literally Who Cares, right? And then the description of it is amazing because it says, wait, here it is. His special is called Literally Who Cares.

Literally Who Cares. I'm queer. Clap. Oh, here we go, yeah. I think one of them said it was like devoid of humor, which is like a good thing. And they're like, good, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's asking the big questions. this helping am i hot and no offense guys but literally what is going on leo reich literally who cares blend songs anecdotes and anxious non-sequiturs

and a valiant attempt to raise awareness by the way uh he blends songs anecdotes and anxious non-sequiturs so do do homeless guys on the subway. Give them HBO. Listen, right now, there's seven black teenagers on the F train jumping over their entire family. They have so much more talent than almost anyone that's given anything. I mean, he looks like one of Hannah Gadsby's shits. he looks like one of Hannah Gadsby's shits.

So what's a turd burglar at a... Oh, that's great. Oh, yeah, here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Look. Look. Read it. I'm not bullshitting.

This is real. Leo Reich, literally who cares, comedian slash writer Leo Reich treads the line between the hilarious stand-up and humorless performance art in his first HBO comedy special. It's a new thing they're calling humorless performance art. Instead of stand-up, this is what they think people want. Because they think they're going to find another Gatsby.

That's what they're hoping for. Right, right. Yeah. Well, I mean, they can't write jokes, so they've just given up on it. I mean, thank God. I love that this keeps happening, you know? Keep listening to Lemon Party. Mm-hmm.

I mean, keep doing your humorless horse shit. God bless you. Are you really going to have the name Leo Reich? Yeah, well, he's probably like Mengele's grandson. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. That's why he's on late night. I'm sure Henry Kissinger's great-grandson out there is getting fucked in a warehouse party in Brooklyn right now.

For sure. Going from his writing job at like fucking John Oliver's show. Dayton Osama bin Laden's nephew. They're shoving fucking rockets up each other's asses. That's a sick world. Yeah. I mean, it's very funny. It's hilarious how antiquated that already is like we

we've been so upset at this for five years like that's so you're so old i was i was gonna say this feels like when you heard comics talk about 1991 like the fucking just roof yeah has like caved in on everything this is the new like you know airplane uh food yeah and all of them i mean yeah you know like fucking brio posse and i think i saw him panhandling on the 405 the other day these people are like almost homeless at this point paul thompson's is selling his own monopoly man suits yeah out of old carpets yeah they work at like hot dog on a stick you go to the mall go to build a bear uh yeah yeah rest in peace it's so funny ben ben pulls up the clip he plays three seconds of it and then moves right on that's all i'm willing to uh to play uh like

like this is this is a perfect this is a perfect video for me this one this one's great can you put that on the screen real quick this one's 11 seconds that's what i'm looking for i like this i don't have i can't Oh, this is that barber shit. Yeah. Okay, is it okay if I touch it? Yeah. Okay, cool. Okay, so let's pause two seconds in.

She asked for consent to touch her hair. She's a barber. She's sitting in a barber chair. Yeah, at a barber shop that she walked into and gave her money. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's like your mechanic being like, can I work on your car?

Yeah. Okay, cool. And what are your pronouns being like, can I work on your car? Yeah. Cool. And what are your pronouns? They, them. She just chops her head off like, sweetie Todd. I'm glad that you came in today. Yeah, she was a she, her. That was her.

She, they. That was her pronouns. Which I always love the she, they. It's like, you can call me a woman, but I like to be annoying a little bit i like to be annoying for no reason but you know if you you know i still take money from my parents so i'm a she day yeah and this woman is just like i love this person who's just like they're they've lost their entire 20s to like just nerding out for yes yeah being fake autistic fake fake trans. I mean, they really do want to be treated like animals.

She has a leash around her neck. She wants her head shaved like an Auschwitz victim. It's unbelievable. They buy their clothes at Petco. Yeah, some spooky cat from Halloween Town or something. No, literally like the personality of when you go to cat sit for somebody and you open the door and it runs into the other room and just shakes. It's that and a human.

Yep. Yep. I don't know what happened, but yeah, humans at some point just wanted to, they started wanting to like live their life like wet animals. Yeah. I guarantee you 10 years from now, this, that entire generation will look back like people in the seventies who got really into disco and did cocaine too much. Yeah.

And they're like, yeah, that kind of ruined my life. I fully agree with that. I think you're actually right. The amount of people who have autism now has driven me crazy. These fake autism diagnoses. Oh, I know. Oh, it's hip to be a retard now. It is hip to be a retard.

It's literally, it's like, it's wigger retards. Riggers. Yeah. I can't wait for white women to start identifying as having down syndrome they're having to do the voice my pronouns oh man and then this is who's this type of lady the barber like what is this thing where they dress up like bob the builder or some shit i was like, I only feel safe if Caillou's cutting my hair. It's fucking freaks.

I did a deep dive on her TikTok to see what was up. When you're so non-binary, you become Steve from Blue's Clues. Yeah. Every video is the most smug fucking thing I've seen on her TikTok. Because I'm up at all hours of the night now with the baby so like you know i'm either reading or i need to find things to you know fuel me to keep me going it's amazing it's amazing that you're writing and reading and in between that i'm getting sent the worst videos of all time you're retarded i'm still writing more than ever no that's what

i'm saying is you'll tell me you'll like text me like i wrote i wrote 30 pages today and i text my text like 6 a.m fat retarded guy eats her dick a gay woman plucks her eyes out tries to give it to a black man she sees no i never stop but in writing you do need to forage yeah this is retard foraging that's true henry david thoreau going through the woods like eating retard berries this this is ben's version of like oscar wilde writing a great novel and then going and doing opium to get through the day. Every fucking video is so smug where she's, she's filming herself sitting down in her barber chair and her different Richard scary outfit for the day.

And she just goes, um, that feeling when, uh, uh, the trolls are very triggered that you have the only gender queer, uh, barber salon in all of Omaha, Nebraska. Oh, you know what? You know what? I want to like,

have like push a Palestinian child in front of you and have you explain your wife to them while they look at you. Yeah. I mean, like I've been receiving bombardment as well in the comment section. They go, young one. I've been eating rocks for as well in the comment section. Young one. And they go, I've been eating rocks for 20 days. He goes, well, that's.

She goes, that's because Hamas is your culture. Yeah, that's your culture. He goes, I want to kill you. She goes, that's what I thought. Please. Because that's what all of you need to become. Little baby. He's like, I want to chop your teeth off and play hacky sack with it.

Yeah. Little pal sitting in baby being like, why do you create these insane rules for everyone I want to chop your teeth off and play hacky sack with it. Yeah. Little pal sitting in baby being like, why do you create these insane rules for everyone to... You've used the same basic tools of enslavement that exist in the culture, but you've prevented them to your own sick desires. You know what's like bullshit too?

She's married to a hot lady. Yeah. Which is fucking bullshit when they both do it good they both they both locking their pussy up keep ruining your lives retards you'll look back when they go oh was i young oh i guess i wasted my whole youth yeah i wasted my whole youth playing playing a game of uno i created in real life i wasted my youth dressing like a lumberjack and not fucking. Yeah. And then also, I am saying, literally taking the things in society that hurt people, you've just taken them and then you've made yourself the king of that system.

It's the exact same thing. Rules, separating, shaming, it's the exact same tools that you were yourself railing against. You're a ceo of fake oppression basically yeah yeah anyway before we start the pot we always swear in on the anthony well just looking at the table of contents real quick because we should close today's show with maybe a passage but a passage from the book of camilla when did he write did he write this before or after him and opie that's what we each other? By the way, someone kept tagging me on Twitter that Opie was screaming.

He was drowning in the ocean going live. Really? Yeah, Opie's live streaming from a whale's belly. He's standing like the tide is rising. It's taking him out to sea. He's like, yeah, you know, dude. I mean, it's like, you know, me and it's like uh you know me and melmer are tight it's fine he's gonna do his thing belver's wife's a black whore and what's the deal with tic tacs

i like the orange but people pull out the green why does he talk he it's like how a newborn doesn't have like neck muscles yet and so his head's just constantly... When you have nothing entertaining to see, he's moved to sensory overlap. He's like, if I move Jingle My Keys, that'll be content. I'll pull it up real quick. Someone was tagged, and I appreciate everybody tagging me.

I do love that there's 10 people in their 50s who are always wondering why we're getting tagged in all their tweets. Literally, look at his head look at his head he's literally doing it look look right here here we go What is... It's amazing. It's literally... Hey, what's going on, everybody? Welcome to my little live stream. That's his intro.

At the ocean last day of 2020. So he's going like... Like he has to pretend he has a band. He can't just play a... He can't just play like a little tune on a thing. Dude, it's like an eight-year-old making their own show in their room. Man, welcome back to the imagination. Meet at 2023.

What's going on, man? Who do we got? We got Steven Godley, icon. Damn, that sounds impressive. So he knows each single person watching. We got the Manash all the way down there in South Africa. What's up, Manash? How are you?

Nick Hummerkin. I mean, this might as well be a Faceetime call really what is he talking about like halfway through yeah you go 40 minutes and he's just like so maybe i'll take my own life who knows what do i have to live for i mean this doesn't even load because he of course he does it on the twitter live thing which doesn't fucking work. You know people see him live streaming on the street in New York and start handing him chain and coins?

Oh, 100%. 100%. I bet he drowned in a rainstorm earlier that day. Well, I was trying to see. I don't know when this was written, because I wanted to see if there was anything, like any chapters that were questionable. I think he was still on radio when this was written.

I'm not sure. No, it was after because he's behind the prison bars. Oh, this was about him coming into his own on the Opie and Anthony show. This is the only book that isn't banned in Florida libraries. Kids go to the library, they just have the Kamiya book and Too Fat to Fish. I want to read like a...

None of this is going to be what I think it is, actually. I think. Did you already say the forward is the n-word? Yeah. The only book with a forward and n-word. Very good. Very good. Well, I guess we'll just end with...

What is the last... By the way, this is the title of the book I'm working on Permanently suspended The Rise and Fall and Rise Again of Radio's Most Notorious Shock Chalk I love that every comedian's book has to be 85 words long Because their fans are mentally retarded It has to be like

The Rise and Fall Of Melody Biggie's Shock Chalk They think the title They buy the book, read the title, and then put it away it has to be like the rise and fall of American British Doctor they think they buy the book read the title and then put it away they think they read the whole book

yeah and they always go he's actually a really great writer I'm like they hired the most retarded two ghost writers in the world to write this

oh yeah it's never if you read these things it's never in their voice it's like Mongo the trucker was putting this together over the last 20 years.

And you know Anthony really didn't want to put it out because he hates the color of the ink. Yeah, it took him years to write it because he kept doing white ink on white paper. Like, Anthony, we don't know what it says. Yeah, this is just like a historical thing, thing i guess i thought it would be like maybe his takes oh here we go i just literally here we go page 128 i got the n-word and uh not the word nazi really yeah one of our funniest bits was with the comedian patrice o'neill we called it

in you see here it's rdr yeah i'm not gonna say it we'll get back on youtube n-word verse nazi during this time period the actor danny glover had made his plight known publicly that he couldn't get a cab in york city because he was african-american okay so this book does get good oh this was a great bit patrice was on the show and we were talking about it he said yeah nobody wants to pick up a boop he says patrice's hard r i was like hey i have a nazi helmet i'll put it on why does ant have a nazi helmet well you know why he has a nazi helmet he has a birthday once a year yeah i'm kind of I was like, hey, I have a Nazi helmet. I'll put it on. Why does Ant have a Nazi helmet? Well, you know why Ant has a Nazi helmet. He has a birthday once a year.

I'm kind of like putting everything together. Yeah, why do people who work at In-N-Out have In-N-Out shirts? He goes, hey, I have a Nazi helmet. I'll put it on, and you stand upstream from me. We'll both try to hail a cab to see if the cab driver picks up an N-word or a Nazi. I think I do remember this. Yeah, this is great. That's hilarious. Anthony got a cab to see if the cab driver picks up an N-word or a Nazi. I think I do remember this. This is great. That's hilarious. Anthony got a cab before Patrice. Yeah, Patrice stopped me

because the first cab blatantly passed by Patrice and stopped for me. Patrice screamed, Nazi, Nazi, you pick up a Nazi over a boop. You motherfucker. You didn't stop for a boop. You picked up a goddamn Nazi over a boop you motherfucker you didn't stop for a boop you picked up a goddamn Nazi over a boop you chose a Nazi brother the second cab stopped for Patrice the third cab hedged its bets and went between us

the next one went for the Nazi Patrice said I'm gonna pull this out for the boops then Patrice tied it up and was going to game 7 the deciding cab passed right by Patrice and stopped in front of me I thanked him for picking a Nazi over an African American the Nazis won crazy shit there's literally a picture of him wearing a Nazi helmet with Patrice has stopped in front of me. I thanked him for picking a Nazi over an African American. The Nazis won. Crazy shit.

There's literally a picture of him wearing a Nazi helmet with Patrice. Yeah, that's a classic pic. God, look at them. What a beautiful duo. What a great time. What a beautiful duo. You know Jim Norton married a trans person? Yeah, Jim's fully gay.

Yeah. It's nice to see him finally come out, but God, when I saw that, I was like, God, I can't believe ONA isn't around for that episode when he came came on when he marries a trans person oh my god i wonder what opi has to say about it opi was trying to break into the ceremony they had sheriffs stopping him oh that's fucking great and as we always say we love ants we think he's one of the fights he's the best yeah he's the fucking best yeah the your your morals and your whatever your your racial beliefs and gross things like that doesn't take away from how fucking incredibly funny is he's funnier than

almost everybody dude i would literally i would if hitler had good paintings i would look at them i don't care i'll separate any art from any artist yeah yeah so yeah all right well i'm trying to think if you know i wonder if uh people said i talked about my baby and got gay but whatever i don't think i don't think come on this is the only time they're gonna hear a father talk about you're allowed to be a human and also we didn't really like let you have that many moments we make a bunch of psycho jokes so it's true yeah most of it was calling your baby black yeah so yeah i said you derrick chauvin your baby to change your diapy so in order we watched lilo and stitch then we watched the whale then we watched it's a wonderful life and then we watched the george floyd documentary so that's the the quaternity

that's what you call you call one for her for me. That's how you watch stuff. Yeah. Keep trading. And that was crazy. You're like, here's Blue's Clues, now Gavin McGinnis. Yeah.

She's eating like the whale. It's crazy. She eats so much, it's insane. She's eating way more than she should be, but she's not vomiting. She's just shitting like crazy.

Yeah. She's a, she's a shin baby. She just, she binge eats and then just blow, and her diaper blows out. Yeah. And she, but she doesn't stop. She blows it out like a cartoon, like there's a she's a shin baby she just she binge eats and then just blow and her diaper blows out and she but she doesn't stop she blows it out like a cartoon like there's a big

it's all unfolded there's smoke coming out of it all burnt i i don't i this is the other thing too i don't know how to say this without sounding like a pedophile but i love changing your diaper i love changing i get it yeah my daughter's diaper I don't you're a six your daughter and all that but yeah I mean there's a lot

I could say I love it I love every second of it you love shit and you love kids it is it is funny too

because I'm like my you told me that's the only part you do like yeah that's the only thing I don't do I don't hold her

I don't sing to her I just go as soon as you smell as soon as you smell something's up hand her to me yeah then it's daddy's turn isn't it crazy i know we're trying to but isn't it crazy isn't it crazy that like literally not even 30 years ago you would like go through this and then you would never you would see the baby when it's like 17 you'd be like all right i'll see you later and then you wouldn't have nothing to do with the baby. Oh yeah.

That's the thing too. I've lost empathy for like people who don't like walk, but I've heard of people who walk out on their kids and stuff. Like you, how do you look at your kid and you don't give a shit? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's very strange. I think there was something like pre 1990,

like 60% of like dads didn't change one diaper in their entire life. Like multiple kids. It's such a, it's such a blessing yeah so uh but it's weird because my my refrigerator is now just filled with breast milk and there's diapers everywhere so it's a like if i was a detective and i walked in i'd be like what kind of sick fuck do we have here i mean literally be like the sketch yeah yeah but that's a new merch drop the newborn sketch that we did what's funny too is like when katie's like uh changing the baby's diaper and stuff or

whatever she'll just start doing joey's voice it's the mother yeah yeah she'll literally say holy fucking shit this is the mother yeah i can't wait for your daughter to run. Like we see her at Christmas and she runs into my arms and goes, Derek Chauvin killed himself. I'm going to have to answer the big question. She's going to be asking me and I got to guide her the right way. She goes, daddy, which race commits the most crimes?

Tugging on my, tugging on my little coat. Well, come here. Yeah yeah you're dressed like Ward from Leave it to Beaver big pipe and a smoking jacket well sit on my knee little girl and I'll tell you

I can't wait to have those moments with her daddy said it was protocol MRT he was trained typical cop protocol where she's like rain man where she's protocol. Where she's like Rain Man, where she's like in kindergarten, she's like 11 nanograms of fitna,

11 nanograms of fitna, 11, 11 nanograms of fitna. Big knee, kill black man. Yeah, she gets fucking sent to the principal's office for having the protocols of the elders of Zion. She's reading the protocols of the elders of Zion behind her textbook like it's a comic book. It's crazy because I could fuck her up real bad, right? Yeah, I can teach her about like you could and be like that's God and

We would really actually destroy her I could tell her aliens are real and at night They come in the house and they just masturbate and like pee everywhere and stuff. I can tell her crazy shit You just think it's real. Yeah, yeah, cuz she's a fucking retard. Yeah, you could tell her if she smiles her head will explode shit you just think it's real yeah yeah cuz she's a fucking retard yeah you could tell her if she smiles her head will explode she just has to live like that what's crazy in the first week is she copies your facial expressions so I raise her to my to my face and I just I smile and then sometimes she'll start trying to copy so they just copy whatever you do. Right. They're learning. So you have a lot to change. I have a lot to change, my friend. I have a lot to change. Well, you know, I got a lot to change.

I got a lot to change. I got a kid on the way. I'm going to raise her in this tall grass. You know, Norton likes it a little funny. I live in a marsh. Where is this? I feel like he broke into somebody's house and he's just on their deck. This is a wildlife reserve.

There's helicopters shooting beams on him right now. It's like adaptation. He might live in eternal sunshine at the spotless mine. He's gone inside his own head and just watches Jim and Ann run away from him

in his memories. Oh, God. Oh God. All right. Well, we need to go and then record another episode. Okay. I'm fucking real tired. I need to get another coffee at Starbucks. All right.

All right. Bye. Happy New Year, folks. God bless. Bye, everybody. God bless. Happy New Year. What the fuck is this piece of shit?

Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl Nighttime would find me in Rose's cantina Music would play and Folina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Folina Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a wild young cowboy came in While I was in love with a girl