lemonparty - 063: White Lean

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

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Chicken Wings Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, you got your diploma over there. That's your diploma from where? That's from Phoenix University? Yeah. Degree um racial science phrenology they took me off of notable alumni recently on wikipedia you used to be notable i

used to be on there yeah really imagine being so racist you couldn't be a famous alumni for a christian college and you know what sucks ass too is i'm not the most retarded guy. I'm not their most retarded notable alumni No, it's Daniel Johnson Daniel Johnson. Daniel Johnson went to our college and then tried to kill his dad. So they kicked him out Is that what he did? Yeah, literally his dad I think was dry was flying him in a little Cessna plane that he owned back from Abilene Christian And then he he thought he the devil told Daniel Johnson to kill him and his dad and he ripped the controls out of his hand and they crashed the plane well I think Daniel Johnson that's what Casper the friendly ghost that song's about he thought he was Casper right so he thought he could fly so then he pulled the he reached over yeah it was like I'm Casper and he turned

the ignition on yeah and you can't turn it back on yeah once you do that yeah yeah so the plane just crashed and they they lived but but yeah. Oh, my God. They're like, don't be. So then he just started making music about like devils and all that. Well, no, it's funny because all of his music, if you listen to it,

is like, burgers taste nice, pickles are yummy. And then meanwhile, he's like stabbing his dad in the chest like 85 times. But he's so retarded that he can be sweet in in music only

yeah he has one song i love called a real love will find you in the end and he's like that's a great song yeah yeah and it's funny because you're like oh you're not no you're retarded you know like you're never gonna get he was he was kind of like uh like a like a Wendy's employee that like just had a lot of soul yeah yeah he was muddy waters of Burger King he was Burger BB King I love that song no I love finding the end yeah I'm going to Austin um next week I'll probably see his little uh hi how are you graffiti or whatever. A lot of people think the whole what is it on the side of that coffee shop where it's like, I love you so much.

I love you so much. They think that's him. No, that's not him. That's some live, love, laugh horseshit. Yeah, that was two dykes who were eating each other's pussies. Yes. Had to let the whole goddamn world know about it.

Two dykes that couldn't drink coffee unless there was like loads of chocolate in it. I had one of their famous coffees. Those fatso's. Austin's so... Austin's weird because it's not to me. When I was there, I was like, this is totally normal and gay.

We, by the way, come see our live show February 7th. Yeah, come out. Somebody just got shot on 6th Street. Should be a good time. Did they really? Yeah, the cops killed killed a guy he was like he had like a mat he had like a ski mask not a ski mask you know and like you're covering your chin and your eyebrows sure you couldn't see his mouth and he's just like standing with in like a highlighter jacket and he's outside of a bar on 6th Street and all these cops are... I think they wouldn't let him into the bar

because he refused to pat down. So then the cops walk over and they're all being very casual and then the guy just starts reaching for his gun and they just murder him right in front of the bar. Well, yeah, that's gonna happen. I also love that 6th Street is so shitty that you needed pat downs for weapons at bars. Like you're in fucking

Buster scruggs right you're on six street a guy's like you gotta check your pistol at the door mister well i'm not kidding when i saw it i immediately went and watched the latest kill tony to see if he had done it earlier that day yeah tony just slipped him a gun in a in a newspaper he said you know what to do retarded man I make money off of. Man, I saw they were playing Madison Square Garden. I almost hung myself in my closet. Like David, David Garrity.

Yes, exactly. I was like, I was looking around my apartment like I just escaped from a mental institution. Yeah. I was like, okay, those pants, those joggers could hold me up. I could wrap them around a pole it's a huge show yeah and they deserve every bit of it yeah no they deserve

the same fandom that the new york knicks have they're bigger than the knicks hans kim is point guard now it's lynn sanity out there yeah one guy from brooklyn showing up he's like jeremy i thought we traded him fucking christ yeah man they're huge yeah i mean it might as well be the roman coliseum like here's all the retards we'll have a bear come out and eat them i do love that show because if you have like any like fucked up like fringe family members like oh yeah like our nephew he's like almost homeless and he's a drug if you put that show on you could find them like it's it's if if any family members are missing like if you have any like estranged family members that are missing and they lost their minds just watch kill tony he'll pop up kill tony he'll be coming out

and performing yeah kill tony's the new milk carton for this country they're like we found johnny well that's how you get on this show by johnny gosh yeah yeah they're like we found Johnny well that's how you get on the show Johnny gosh yeah performing on Kill Tony the guy from Paris Texas just walked out of the desert with a red hat and a suit yeah you're watching the Kill Tony you're like is that the Lindbergh baby

what's Harry Dean Stan doing Kill Tony then he died people that are just wandering through the desert into the suitcase. To get on the show you have to walk through a wormhole. Like the woods. You can pick up one of those staircases

that end in the middle. You know what I'm talking about? Before you go on Kill Tony you just appear on the ground naked and covered in goo. Like shivering. You were transported from another dimension they come out Tony has to give them skin to skin contact yeah they're born in this big

black goo pit they have to haul them out of like orcs yeah I saw a clip of Hans Kim he was like flipping out on this guy Yeah he like lost his mind I thought the rose battle was like a friendly thing And then like he

I guess some people take it very seriously Well Kill Time That show makes It allows insects to feel like apex predators It's like crazy You just watch like a cricket come out And he gets a bunch of praise He kind of doesn't deserve

And then after a while He turns into a monster Yeah The show is really two scorpions in a glass But with humans and he gets a bunch of praise he kind of doesn't deserve and then after a while he turns into a monster. Yeah, the show is really two scorpions in a glass. It's unbelievable. But with humans. There should be a big toad there that just eats Hans Kip or whoever's coming out. They should throw him in a big tub

and just throw a knife in the middle of it. I mean, who was the other? It's like Down Syndrome Mandingo fighting that show. Yeah, they throw the hammer at him and he just eats it. Swallows the ball peen hammer. But all that being said, you know, they do great. They're good for him. I actually like the show.

Yeah, it's a fascinating, it's a freak show. I mean, that'll be like the top comment, by the way. I don't know what they're talking about. I like the show. I like the show. Oh, yeah. Well, everyone does. It's great. It's great. it's great yeah it's great we gotta say it's great yeah it's great yeah it's good yeah it's it's great it's like if you took a stern in the 90s

and took away all the people who could do broadcasting yeah you're just left with the retards it's like if beetlejuice beetlejuice hosted stern it's a show hosted by Beetlejuice and Suttering John the Retard And they're bringing in The guy in New Jersey With the world's Smallest penis Dude speaking of which Did you see the

Bass Pro Shops guy The guy that jumped Yeah Yeah micro dick That was beautiful I'd play it but we'd Get kicked off YouTube Well I don't know if we would

Would we because it's not He has no dick You can't see his penis But they would just think It's a naked woman It does look like a fat Naked like Yeah true It's like a cherubim well i don't know if we would because it's not he has no dick you can't see it's being but they would they would just think it's a naked woman it does look like a fat naked like yeah it's like a cherub yeah i thought it was somebody through lena dunham in there folks i don't think you could play it ben i can't no you can't play it's a naked guy yeah there was a blurred that'll do it there was a really funny somebody took a photo he i think he

he climbed out of the tank and just fell out of it. He might have knocked himself off. He's laying on the ground like Peter Griffin with his ass showing. And it looks... Somebody else said this. It looks like a biblical painting from the Renaissance. It looks like... Right, right, right.

It looks like Satan falling to hell. And he looks like a Rubenesque woman. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. This should be like little cherubs carrying banners and clouds and stuff. Yeah, there it is. He looks like Cartman.

That's great. Yeah, that man has no penis. I think I can play this on YouTube. There's no penis. There's no penis. There's barely pubes. That's how small his dick is. You're still going to have to blur it. I probably will. YouTube's crazy, but yeah. He has no penis. There's barely pubes. That's how small his dick is. You're still going to have to blur it.

I probably will. I love spreading your legs and there's no penis showing. Wouldn't it be great if Bass Pro Sports had a great white in the water? Yeah, just pin him against the glass. He's eaten alive in front of everybody. Pass first. One of those 100-pound catfish comes up and starts swallowing him they just four big catfish drown him at the bottom of the pool and eat him it really

bass pro sports is awesome it does rule i've been to a few it's like fucking it's like disneyland for republicans yeah truly it's it's a fun place let me see if they've answered for this yeah bass pro shop they're like that was. That was the vice president of Bass Pro Shop. No, they're just business as usual. Yeah. They have not commented on the pattern. No, they're not going to. Yeah.

They're just like, you know, the best part of the head to shoot a deer in. I love hunters. They're just like, you got to respect the animal. It's all about the love of the animal. It's all about the nature. What I do is I have $9 dollars worth of a decoy gear it's a beautiful creature it's a beautiful creature that's why i like to take it i like to take an ak-47 up to their head that's why i like to treat it like a korean in 1953 beautiful animal so it's what's interesting

is there's only two people that have tweeted at them. One guy, his avi is a cat. And it says, don't prosecute the vet that jumped into the aquarium. Donate to a mental health organization for veterans. He was a veteran. Oh, is he a vet? I guess he was a vet. And then the comment below that is some guy. He just says, come on, play with it.

Oh, interesting. I think he wants them to make a big deal out of it. He wasn't. I bet he's not even a vet. He's a veterinarian who lost his mind. There's no way that guy was a vet, right? I mean, maybe. I don't know.

What does that have to do? I mean, yeah, okay. So give him some help. A mayonnaise jarhead? He's doing better than most vets. At least he's taking a bath. Yeah. He's going to get three hots and a cot.

It's better than most of our veterans. Poor guy. That's great. Never mind. That's great. The internet picks ass, dude. Are you sure I have to blur this out? Maybe just blur out his little nub.

Oh, here it is. Oh, this is him falling out. Get a cannonball. Send me a picture. That's what we're talking about. I want to watch him. I want to watch him fall out. Does he jump out? All right. There we go.

Oh, shit. Oh! Yeah, that hurt. Dumbass. And then they comment on that. nice job dumbass you know the funniest thing is he probably thought this was the capitol building yeah he's like it's that time of the year he thought it was jan 6 2021 he thought it was the first one and he took a bad fall that poor guy, he landed right on his no-penis. I mean, God, I love harmless good viral fun. Yeah.

No, that's fine. That's fine. That's great. It's good for him. I mean, there's the picture of the cops, like, handcuffing him, and you still, he's walking, and you still can't see his penis. It's like a good photo. He has no penis or balls. Yeah, it looks like when Lee Harvey Oswald gets shot by Jack Ruby.

Yeah, there's a guy in a cowboy hat just going Looking at his small dick. Looking at his small dick and going By the way, interesting the Lee Harvey Oswald, that photo I think that's the first soy face caught in a photograph. That is true. Lee Harvey Oswald, a commie cuck.

A commie cuck bastard. A little Russian cuck. The first DSA member ever. Harvey Oswald. It said he did a cannonball leap into the aquarium and then stood under a waterfall. 42 years old.

Damn. Do you think the weight of 42 years of a micropenis just finally snapped him? Probably. His brain just broke in half. He's like, you all want to see it? Here it is.

And he thinks the world is Bass Pro Shops. He's like, I hear this world. Yeah, his dick is so small he thinks he's a fish. Well, he sees outside Bass Pro Shop, it says outdoor world. He's like, I'm going to show the whole wide world. I'm going to show the whole wide world what I'm working with. And really, this guy's kind of a hero because his other choice was to shoot up the Bass Pro Shop. Yes.

Such a better version. It's a good start. Yes. You know? Start showing your tiny... If Steven Paddock was at Mandalay Bay just pressing his tiny penis against the glass... start. Yes. You know? Start showing your tiny... If Steven Paddock was at Mandalay Bay just pressing his tiny penis against the glass... Yeah, right.

I mean, we'd all have a good laugh, and no one would be hurt. Exactly. You know? Exactly. This man will kill himself later. He'll kill... I mean, I'm sure he's dead in a ravine somewhere, but...

Yeah, once he makes bail. Yeah. Is it another guy did this once? In 2020, some guy did it for TikTok followers. Oh, fuck you. Yeah. They should put him away for life? The 2020 some guy did it for tick tock. Oh, fuck you. Yeah. They should put him

away for life. And this other guy should get like an award. Yeah, they should give him that guy's penis. They should transplant him. Yeah,

that's brutal, man. Poor dude. Yeah. Anyway, fuck him. There's that. I want to go.

I want to go to the one in Memphis. They have a pyramid Bass Pro Shop in Memphis. Oh, that's like a big, it's a big pyramid. Yeah, the one in Vegas. Yeah, they made a pyramid Bass Pro Shop in Memphis. Oh, that's like a big... It's a big pyramid, yeah. Like the one in Vegas.

Yeah, they made Jews build it. There's a dead guy buried in the middle. I had to skip past the sex scene in Heat. Oh, nice. I'm playing it on 240p so it doesn't get flagged. Won't get flagged? Nice. I didn't skip past the shoot.

Can't wait for Heat 2. Really glad he's wasting his time on the... That definitely won't suck and then Michaelael man will die yeah god i saw ferrari ferrari was like piece of shit you said right boring i mean adam driver he just he's he's supposed to just play weird guys in brooklyn yeah why is he why is he playing two italians in a row in a michael man movie it always seems like an snl sketch or something like he's acting in it patrick dempsey's showing up with a full head of like white he's like ice meister just being like he's driving the car with the ashtray i put in it it's been quite a year for movies though quite quite a year devon saw that zone of interest the other day yeah more like

zone of no interest fucking bore snooze fest it's just fucking it's just about nazis that live next to auschwitz and like the guy is like the gm of auschwitz does it take place during nazi times yeah yeah it's in the middle of the war and like the guy he's coming home he's a nazi and he's just like oh god he's just like what a day these fucking jizz man you won't believe they want me to build another crematorium. Boss told me he said I want 500 teeth on my desk by Monday morning.

He's like so I had to take their shoes off all day and these fucking juice they're tight. They tie them tight. Yeah. Call his wife

be like honey I can't make the baseball game I got I got 8,000 more juice to kill. He's literally and in the background the wife just hears

oh it's so cold. Why can't I put my shoes back on? It's freezing in here. I'm so hungry. He's like, listen, none of us want to be here. You're not helping by being Jewish. There's literally scenes of him being

bored as you hear gunshots and people being gassed. And he's just like, oh, God, when am I off? Yeah. I do love the idea of a guy walking into Dachau and being like, Mondays, am I right? Got a case of the Mondays. Yeah, pouring the Mr. Coffee in. Yeah.

That's got to be torture for the Nazis, too, to have to go through all that. To have to deal with all those Jews. Yeah. And you're putting them through hell, too. So, I mean, the complaining was, like, warranted. Imagine when a Jew actually gets to complain and it's warranted. It's crazy.

Oh, yeah. It's fucking insane. It must sound like a weird, like, wild animal. We are headed straight towards a second strike. There's a YouTube umpire watching this right now. A bit as Roger Clemens. Seven times Cy Young winner. Sorry.

I'm a fucking libtard on Twitter now, so this is my only outlet. That is some of the best work I've ever seen anyone I've ever known do. It's true. A lot of people hate it. It's so funny. I laugh so hard. You're so true. You should win a Golden Globe. A lot of people hate it. I appreciate it. It's so funny. I laugh so hard. You're so consistent.

You catch every single Elon tweet. I know. I have a notification set for when he tweets. It's amazing. The memes you're posting. Where do you get these things from? How do you have them locked and loaded? I just, I have, I have a way.

God, and you have a kid. It's fucking, you're sick. I know. I have the baby like this and I'm tweeting. It's truly sick. I'm tweeting to get the baby like this and I'm tweeting. It's truly sick. I'm tweeting to get vaccinated. Yeah, it's truly sick. Yeah.

I mean, I walked in earlier. The baby was underneath. The baby was in a crib and there was Will and Don playing above it. It's like nothing changed except there's a baby now. That's it. And then we put the golden globes on and the baby started flipping off Joe Coy. The baby went, heck, Filipino heck. Yeah, but your Twitter stuff's been amazing.

Thank you. I'll just go in the replies and just go through it. People, they really think every time that they got me. Ha ha, I got you. People, I got you. And then they go, I'm going to look at this dumbass retard who's a failure. I'm going to look up his fucking podcast. His libtard cock.

And then it's me going, actually, I don't think Chauvin had a fair trial, actually. And I think George Floyd, I think it might have been an overdose. Who knows? And they are going, what the fuck? This guy rules? You're like the most evasive man on the internet. I'm like, it must be such a crazy experience for all of them that they're like sexually confused over it. What the?

They just pull out their dick. They start jacking off. I think he's awesome, maybe. I don't know. I want to fuck him and I got to kill myself because I'm gay now? You're looking at, oh, he pulled a Floyd's autopsy report off. From the medical examiner, not from Floyd's family. Oh, yeah.

That's why the Bass Pro guy jumped in the pool. He saw your Twitter, then the podcast. Yeah. I love being a shit-eating lib, though. It's one of the funnest things to me. You're really good at it you're so good yeah the the just the um actually um the vaccine saved our lives i'm doing this for 30 days and there's no way by the end of it i don't get banned because i'm pissing off so

many people i also uh yesterday i think i went too far i accused jimmy kimmel of raping me at knife point you did that was you sent that no you see you sent that in the group chat and it was actually pretty disturbing to me because you sent it at like 4 p.m and it's it's a 20 tweet thread of of you telling a long story by the way i had her like this i had a bottle in her mouth and i was doing this i'm typing with one hand i know it was it was literally like me finding the all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy at The Shining. I was like,

this is a sickness. It was my second threat of the day, too. I made one about January 6th in the afternoon. I didn't think you were going to change, but I didn't think you were going to get worse. The double down. That's the thing.

You have a kid, you start working way harder, actually. Right. You're like, I'm going to die one day. I have to piss off way many more people than I'm pissing off right now. You are doing it for money. I'm trying to pay for my daughter's hospital bill through X. Yeah.

And you can make some big bucks. Yeah. I told you guys, there's a lot of money in being an unlikable shithead on the internet. You start understanding Brooklyn Defiant Dad. He's got some kids to feed. Ian Miles Chong. There's a lot of money in sucking ass. God damn it, I'm getting in on it.

It's all for their families. Ian Miles Chong is looking at my replies and he's going, God damn it, he's good. He goes, I got some competition. Ian Miles Chong goes, hey man, big fan of your stuff. I'm in WeHo next next month we should get done a lot of my fans are saying you suck ass almost as much as i do yeah and he thinks your fat profile picture is actually you so you guys have a lot of that one well i just i got the blue check taken away because i changed it to that smug shit eating

pic of mine the one where i'm doing this and that takes your blue check away yeah because I changed it to that smug shit eating pic of mine. The one where I'm doing this. And that takes your blue check away? Yeah, because then they have to review it, but it's probably just they wait two days and they don't actually have someone checking. There's no way. Twitter headquarters is like a homeless camp. There's guys jacking off into trash cans and shit.

I mean, don't they put their new sign up every day and then the city of San Francisco comes out. They got it. That's not allowed. Take it down. They actually they change it to X because the building had been condemned. So they're like, well, I know how we'll cover this up.

Yeah. It's like when you get a C health rating on your restaurant and you're like, yeah, come inside. Yeah, exactly. He's like, we're doing great. That's why we spray painted big red x like we were in hurricane katrina condiments are free it's great it's fantastic yeah i think uh i'm pissing off so many people though and people are messaging me they're really mad uh i think someone might try to kill me i hope i don't get doxxed over doing this but i'm gonna keep charging i i left it up

to a poll you guys voted so you can't get fucking pissed at me I'm gonna do it for 30 days and see how much money I can make and pay that hospital bill all right it's it's not cheap to my favorite others are the strangers that like don't know they're they're like bro you post under every Elon tweet like get a life dude for real like a social experiment you're like the Joker of sucking ass. Yeah. They've just walked into one of Saw's traps. You're like, I will respond to

Elon once a day every ten minutes. There's like a timer on a boat. Riddle me this, Batman. What if I was so gay it was based? I've been in a, you know la is uh it's it's it's it's the devil town and it's it's cuck capital of the united states of america you're on your cat williams shit right now oh yeah and i've studied these motherfuckers for 10 years yeah

i've seen you know how many shit-eating libs i've stood behind at a coffee bean and just overheard conversations i have it down. Today, I caught myself because it's a subconscious thing where I tweeted at a guy. He goes, oh, bro, do you hate the United States? And I go, no. I love the United States of America. It's my favorite country on planet E. Oh, God.

You're like a ligger. Wait, what is that? A liberal. Fake liberal. Liberal wigger. I don't know. No, we're naming the episode that. Ligger. You might be right.

Because I am appropriating culture in a weird way. You are, yeah. It's like fucked up. You're a fraud. But it's weird because you're a fraud for being a fraud. yeah. It's like fucked up. You're a fraud. But it's weird because you're a fraud for being a fraud. Yeah, your do-rag is a mask. You wear it outside. Everyone's like, look at that fucking liquor. It's a COVID mask.

You have a T-Drick jersey. Yeah, you have a I'm vaccinated sticker on your shirt every day. Dude, people were telling me to take the Jimmy Kimmel thing down though because apparently he's very litigious and he's like suing Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, he went crazy with Aaron Rodgers. So Aaron Rodgers was just mad at him.

Which is an appropriate response to a guy making like an offhanded joke that you are a pedophile. Then you go, I'm suing you. This won't look weird. I'll prove I'm not a pedophile. I'll sue you in court. Just like Alan Dershowitz does. Fucking freaks.

Yeah, I know. Aaron Rodgers is just upset that Jimmy Kimmel is making shitty jokes about him and his fucking ivermectin. You know, non-getting vaccinated stuff. So Aaron Rodgers, that's just a little fuck you to him. It's not like he doesn't actually think he was on the island. That's the thing that Jimmy warranted this completely. And it's like you're in the arena. You're taking shots at him.

He's going to take shots at you. I don't really understand the Aaron Rodgers thing. Classic shit lib of the beginning of Jimmy's tweet. Aaron Rodgers says, hey asshole. No, a asshole. His nickname is A-Rod. This is the worst joke of all time.

I thought it was a typo. No, it's somehow worse than that. His nickname is A-Rod. Aaron Rod. all time yeah oh i thought it was a typo no no no no it's it's somehow worse than that his nickname's a rod aaron rod aaron rogers they call him a rod so he's calling him asshole like a a asshole a a asshole yeah that stinks yeah yeah it's always worse that it's it's it's it's worse than you could ever imagine it's it truly kimmel it would be better if he was drunk at 4 a.m and we like just called him you know a faggot on twitter or something yeah it would be better going cameo mode than just being like i'll i'll show i'm a comedian and i'll show you the you know going to like mr smith goes to washington mode all of a sudden just being like i'm a

comedian and i'm gonna cry about this god damn, it sucks. I cleansed my timeline, and then I had to bring it back a couple more people so I could tweet at them, but for like a couple of weeks, my feed was just like you guys, and... That gay kid, Devin? Devin the cell on Sasquatch?

No, I had followed him. He jumped the shark. Yeah, he went corporate. He jumped the shark. He's doing Pfizer commercials now. He's dating Travis Kelsey. Yeah, just tweeting. He's like, Travis, turn my little gas hood outside.

I decided I didn't want to see anything political, so it was just like, it was you guys. And then it would just, every now and then, it would just be like Anthonyony kumiya quote tweeting just like a video of someone getting their car stolen and like a gas station and he just writes animals and it has 7 000 retweets well now you have to be political you have to look at the political stuff because you're a kingpin i know but this the weird thing is i feel like it almost feels like when neo goes into the matrix and he gets fucked up. And he doesn't really have, he doesn't know Kung Fu and shit yet.

And then he has to go back into the Matrix to save Morpheus. That's what it feels like I'm doing right now. And I feel like I'm dodging every bullet. And I can't be killed. I'm like immortal. It's crazy. Yeah, you're beginning to believe that you're gay. Yeah.

He's beginning to suck ass. So you're telling me I won't need to tweet? No, Neil, you'll just be gay in real life. I would love you fighting in the sequel, you fighting a thousand E-Miles Chong's. Like he's Agent Smith. But just easily beating him because he's the size of toad in super

mario brothers size and width yeah the instead of uh uh running to a phone booth i run to a covid testing tent yeah that's how you walk and then when my finger gets uh pricked then i wake up back out of the matrix you get pulled out yeah and then you're in a you're in a beautiful life actually you're actually going into the matrix to be you you oh yeah i get out of the matrix and i have a beautiful wife and a newborn baby and she's like she's like ben stop the baby hasn't seen you in days you're like i gotta go back in and then you go into the matrix and then it's you waking up in the egg of goo. It's cum though.

Yeah, you're like, I gotta suck ass. I gotta eat oatmeal cum on a big ship. I hope I don't lose myself in the character because I'm genuinely worried by like day 30. Like I'm watching gay pornography. Yeah. Like to get into character. Like I'm literally gay.

You better lose yourself in the fag you pretend to be a lot you only get one tweet do not miss your chance to make an impression yeah you might you might go like keith ledger mode and just get lost to it you know well i'm gonna kill yourself by uh injecting the vaccine so much you get get myocarditis. I'm also going to be fucking pissed, by the way, if at the end of this, I only get like $30. Yeah, that would be insane. Because I think that's what's going to happen, by the way. Probably.

But Ian Miles Chong and these guys, he doesn't get that many impressions on his tweets. He just tweets all the time. He gets like 10,000 to 20,000 impressions on his tweets, and he's making like $35,000 a month. You got to start asking more questions and doing polls and stuff. That's how they like farm a lot of attention. Like, you know, they'll just say like, guys, eggs Benedict, yes or no?

I've noticed they do. I think also not to get, this might be very Jimmy Kimmel of me, but I think the people who get lots of money, they're usually like accounts that are called like, you know, at women being faggots. And they like, you know, they post a news story that's like... Like this account, Fats Posting Elves.

Yeah, exactly. Fats Posting Elves. This guy's making a Bitcoin a day. Oh my God, all these people being trampled for their Stanley cups. Oh, the... I am so sick. What is with... Why are all Americans pretending they drink water all of a sudden?

What is this? This is literally why I brought this up. This is to keep their Mountain Dew lattes warm all day? These fat fucks. The thing is, we've become so fat as a country, we've had to drink out of hamster bottles that we carry with us. Dude, this is...

I got to move this. I got a new monitor here, and I can't see the audio. Yeah. Yeah, we really need to... Oh, yeah, new monitor, a little TCL. Yeah. Watch watch fucking watch y'all loved when i did my hydration station tour so let's shut up shut the fuck up you white woman

twista and then i'm doing three pumps of cherry i feel like i have some kind of no aspects i know that's like what you put in like drinks right that That's what you make at Shirley Temple's with. It's Italian sodas. Look at that fat bitch. Oh my God, fuck you and your fucking swollen uterus. Devin, please,

it's her, did you not hear her? It's her hydration station. So y'all loved when I did my hydration station tour, so let's do it. Oh my God. She's making white lean right now.

It's white lean. She's gonna listen to to DJ Screw after this. Literally, why are you that strawberry, pineapple, coconut, blueberry? Putting it in straight water, by the way. Not even soda water. Straight water is insane.

It's like you're never getting hydrated because you're putting in so much shit, it's dehydrating you. Yeah, no, it's meaningless. As you drink it. These people are taking like a blowtorch to a gummy bear and a little Petri dish and then like mixing it like a dab and then pouring it into their water. Yeah. No, the Stanley Cup thing really proves that like women, if they don't get married, they

turn into like female incels and they have to like get little gummy bear toppers for their stand. I love putting this in their stand. Like, like she's going hiking. She goes, I need my strawberry syrup kept fresh in my Stanley cup. This is the only way she would actually live, though, weirdly enough. She would actually die if she had to just drink water straight. She's feeding her fibroids.

I fucking hate all these people. This is, well, what's pissing me off too is most American people. And I've, I've met people recently that they're basically walking all around all day drinking from a big coconut with an umbrella. I'm like,

for the love of God, here's what's your, what's your new thirties. Here's what it actually is. Here are your four options. Milk, coffee, beer,

water. Yes. That's it. But everyone likes to think they're in like margaritaville it's always people that don't drink too by the way they make mocktails at 7 a.m yes i'm like actually just take a shot of tequila yeah do cocaine it's healthier yeah do do hard drugs do meth do pcp do crack No they don't even drink They're just drinking All the sugar That comes in a drink

And they don't even have Any of the fun Yeah they're doing What Mormons do When they're trying to go Like buck wild Yeah they're soaking Yeah

They're soaking Can we see the end of this Because I really Ate this bad bitch Three pumps of cherry I feel like all gummies Well I actually want to know Her recipe real quick

Let's see what she does Lauren You're starting out With a Sunkissed Peach packet And then I'm doing Three pumps of cherry. I feel like all gummies... Well, I actually want to know her recipe real quick. Yeah. Let's see what she does. Lauren, you're starting out with a Sunkist peach packet, and then I'm doing three pumps of cherry. I feel like all gummies have some kind of vanilla aspect, so I added one and a half pumps of vanilla almond. Jesus. Overall, this water's really good.

A little bit of water. A little bit of that water stuff. That's a Starbucks drink. That's three pumps of cherry, pump and a half of vanilla, a Sunkist peach packet? Dude, I don't... The fuck is that? I genuinely don't understand what's going on with the Stanley Thermos thing. It's like Americans cosplaying as hydrated.

My mom sent me one. It's like they go to Comic-Con and they're like furries for pretending they drink water. No one's drinking water. Look at this bitch. I'm the only one that's drank water from one of these. Usually, it's always water, yeah. But I still don't get it. water. Look at this bitch. I'm the only one that drank water from one of these. It's always water, yeah. But I still don't get it.

Why don't you just have a glass of water? I don't get it. Why'd you need the thermos? Because it's big as shit. It's cool, kind of. It's fun. It's a big straw. I'd take it to the golf course. Yeah, you have a life, somewhat, I guess, mildly. Yeah, Ben also has a child, so he's devoid of this criticism.

You're allowed. Yeah, but this was sent this criticism. This is for... You're allowed. Yeah, but this was sent to me. This is for women who have used a cat to replace the one thing that would have given them meaning. Hey, by the way, someone find our P.O. box and send Devin a Stanley Cup. Send him a Stanley Cup, and he'll actually find out that they actually kind of kick ass.

And Jason knows what I'm talking about. They kind of rule. I mean, Mom sent me one. I threw it out. I threw it in the garbage. You did? Yeah, I do. I have a bad habit of I have a bad habit of getting

You just threw it right in. She sent you a $100 cup and then you threw it in. A couple of people are like bludgeoning each other over right now. People are camping in Target overnight to get the pink Starbucks. Oh, I'm sure there's a white woman in a trash dump right now finding my old Stanley like a bloodhound. Just sniffing around until she can get metal water that's poisoning her uterus.

Is it good for you? Like, is there metal in it and stuff? I don't know. I mean, who knows? Because our water filter's been broken for like a year and a half and like the place that like we get the filters from just like i think they just like left the country and they like won't get back to me about the filters so we've just been drinking bottled water for like we i live like i'm in flint like it's all bottled water all the time and i keep wondering i'm like am i is there plastic is it horrible is it really bad

i think it i think it kills your sperm count which is actually probably good for you and me yeah you know we want to be shooting blanks yeah the three things i'd stay away from are probably smoking cigarettes drinking diet coke and drinking bottled you really think bottled water is as bad as those first two things yeah i think like all studies say like the most cancerous thing there is is like a water bottle that got left in the sun for a little bit too long. Yeah. Sincerely? Really?

Yeah. I don't know. There's also. Studies of that. There's also. You know, there's plastic. You know, there's plastic in clouds now. So I don't know if we're avoiding plastic.

They just found microplastics in blood for the first time. Yeah. It's made it into our bloodstream. It's beautiful. We are really turning into like just like made in China toys. We're turning into toy stories slowly. Well, I got to contact that goddamn filter company.

By the way, women this fat does, first of all, how do they get their jeans on too? Does the fat start at their tits? No, because this woman, she has,

she has a micro tits, even though she's very overweight. I mean, she's a bummer. She's like a snowman. she's like a snowman she looks like a snowman it looks like they're like kids made her there's a fat woman thing where you start dressing like an insect so you have sections like a millipede yeah yeah but see does the fat start here and then she just makes it do that or does it if she took her shirt and jeans off would

it look like that no no no that's that's caused because she has the tight pants on and she's like buckling. It's like she's shooting heroin into her belly button. But how does she put those jeans on? That looks so hard. Yeah, it's very extremely difficult. Like, does she need her roommates to help her get dressed? Yeah, there's like a moving team that comes out. They latch on with like bungee cords.

They put her on slides. The thing the whale uses to get around his apartment, she has that for getting in those jeans. This snow cone made me think about my own life. Yeah. Okay, here we go. I want to see what the end of this is.

Overall, this water was really good, so like seven out of ten. I just hate the weird, this satisfaction in doing things that are bad for you. Well, I think it's also the thing that really pisses you off is her being like, here's my wellness technique. It would be better if she was putting crack cocaine on a metal spoon and heating it up and smoking it.

At least that is honest. She's like, here's me smoking crack cocaine and putting my baby in an oven it's a clean it's a clean life because this is a lie this is a lie yeah this is a fucking this woman if she walks past the mirror she punches it so all the the glass falls out you know what this is this is jace this is someone going like smoking a bowl of crack and going oh you guys you guys don't smoke crack well i'm gonna go over to my crack station, I guess. The amount of therapy this woman has to do to live the lie that she's doing is insane. Like, once a day, she has to have a therapist be like, and here's the thing.

If you're just like a fat lady, just be like, yeah, I'm a fat lady, and I like to eat chili dogs, you know? Like, that's- This is my chili station. Yeah, I'll still hate you, but it's because I hate women deeply in my soul. She has a stand set up for all of her Tarani syrups. That's what I'm saying. I am a brave man.

I will go to a wiener schnitzel and I will eat it in my car. And I know that's sad and I'm embracing it. Right. She has to buy $400 worth of merchandise merchandise set it up cute in her apartment so she cannot face yeah the reality of like oh no i have a binge eating addiction and i've i've ruined my life she's got it and i get mad that nobody wants to fuck me even though i don't want to also fuck fat people yeah in this weird this weird like double standard you never admit to yourself right yeah yeah she's got a in-home coffee shop

but it's nothing but it's all the most unhealthy things behind the counter like at a coffee yes versus i've seen a different version of this lady where it's the same size lady it was that like midwest mom where she's like she went viral on tiktok because she's like i'm gonna teach you how to make tater tot casserole and she's just big fat you know huge bitch did she have that weird rude affectation too did you have that weird rude affectation too did you have that weird rude affectation but at least she was like i'm a fat this guy was i shit four fat kids out of my disgusting pussy and i make tater tot casserole for my fat husband who works as an electrician until he dies of a heart attack and i'm honest about it that's who i am

right we're corn fed retards corn fed retards a nice american corn fed retard then let me ask you this though isn't your straw plastic in that stanley cup oh ben it is checkmate okay so then what are we talking about here well so so here's the interesting thing too like because they go you can't get around even with babies right because when a baby's born they hook it up to shit and in those little tubes the microplastics get in so it's like

it's over immediately do we know that people is plastic bad or is it just a weird thing like has it been

linked to cancer officially so the only credible person that I know recently that I thought was really good

on Rogan Eddie Bravo was and Anahashian agreed with her that I know recently that I thought was really good on Rogan. Eddie Bravo. And Ana Hashim agreed with her because I talked with Ana about this too because she was interested in it because of her baby. Uh-huh, sure.

Is the fucking, the strip between your pussy and your ass. The gooch? Yeah, the gooch. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they say if that's far close. I'm trying to remember the terms now,

but it's like phthalates, I think was the term. And if you smoke cigarettes, you pass it down to your baby, or you drink, you have microplastics and stuff, it increases your phthalates level or something like that. And then in women, the strip between your pussy and your asshole uh grows longer and with men it gets closer and it what that's doing for some reason is it's making

your genders the same and that's what the whole turning the frogs gay thing is loosely basically so microplastics are fucking up people's shit they're fucking up their pussies and their dicks and stuff and making us gay and trans yeah and i think there's probably stuff in the water that makes people more gay and trans i'd bet if you put a gun to my head i would that's what my intuition yeah that like yeah cutting like plastic billy porter's dumping it into our water supply like a batman hey we need some explanation for this fucking mass amount of fags. Literally.

I think if we sucked out the Great Pacific garbage patch from the ocean, like if we figured out and shot it into space, I think there'd be four gay people. We'd all start dressing like Don Draper again. Actually, we've decided that white people are the best.

We've decided that we should make most of the movies because they're better that way. Yeah, all right. Sure, I guess. I don't know if that's your evidence. No, I think there's a lady that went on Rogan and she had a thing. I'm too fucking dumb to remember what it is. Yeah, the gooch lady. She talks about the taints and stuff. Isn't the gooch lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She talks about the taints and stuff. Isn't that already kind of silly to start with, though? You're a scientist and you're like, listen. Yeah. The biggest evidence of plastic hurting people is that they can't take balls in their ass anymore. Like, what are we? The gooch?

The thing that weirds me out about it is I don't trust a group of people that they're like, what we the goo the thing that weirds me out about it is i don't trust a group of people that they're like what we did is we took 500 babies and we measured the distance between their asshole and their pussy i'm like i'm already out yeah who has that fuck off how is that a legal job i don't know man how does that guy not get arrested that's what it's you're fucking weird and i don't care if you think it's for the betterment of like humanity that's like roger daltrey being caught with child porn. He's like no I'm just trying to figure out about the microplastics

and their goochies. No get that ruler away from my daughter's pussy you pervert. Yes. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah you want to yell at them you go let her die of cancer. Shut up. We're not looking into this you freak. You're testing their assholes. Drawing a line for a pussy on the wall and measuring

it every year. Like a height chart. Yeah, like her height. It's next to the fridge. Got everybody's name on it. Who's got the whitest paint? You can look up that atrazine thing in the water, though, with turning the frogs gay. The chemicals that are getting in the water supply are actually making frogs trans.

Alex Jones was actually right about that. There's stuff that's making waters hermaphrodite. There's a thing with frogs where there's some types of frogs where when they're born, they're all male or all female that year based on the temperature in the water. And as it gets hotter, those

frogs are going to start producing all females over and over again. And then just like all the frogs are going to die, basically. Chappelle's whole next special is about frogs. He's like, listen, y'all i don't want to fuck a frog he goes don't get that frog community angry i don't want to fuck a frog i'm just gonna do five hours of comedy about it because i don't want to fuck trans people yeah was this new special good i didn't watch it uh it's better than the last one yeah which i thought was the worst thing he ever did but yeah it still was like it still just kind

of feels like he he's like too good at public speaking at this point that he's just talking and occasionally it's funny and he's calling it a con yeah he's like obama recently where he's not even really trying anymore yeah it's it's fine i mean it made me laugh a few times but it still is like you're like you see some stuff coming from far away and it's it's fine i mean it made me laugh a few times but it still is like you're like you see some stuff coming from far away and it's it is you know there's trans jokes and weird amount of like talking about cheating on his wife and stuff like that but it was i don't know he did he did a few he did a bunch of like handicap jokes that really killed me okay well i like that that was very that i'm a fan of yeah that's good who do you really take it to? I mean... Who do you really give the business to?

All people that have a lot more problems in life than dealing with his jokes. Like every white guy, I put a stand-up special on TV and I get three inches away from the television and I go, Get him! Get him!

Yeah, get him! Get those faggots! Get the midgets too fuck them it's so funny cause we don't even care it's just because everything got so gay that now it's like a pressure valve where we're just like I forgot about fucking trans midgets

I forgot they even were a thing yeah yeah and then you look at the crowd at his specials and it's like 85 Dallas Cowboys fans. Yeah. Like Cholo Cowboys fans. Everyone in Dave Chappelle's crowd looks like Emmett Smith. Including the women. Yeah.

They just go like, yeah, Dave, tell them faggots to kill themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Shit. Man. I hate gay people I make one dollar an hour I hate gay people yeah I mean unfortunately I have

met people that they go I love Dave Chappelle because I'm anti-trans and I'm like that's the wrong reason at all to like yeah if you told him that I wonder how he would think about it I mean he'd probably... He wouldn't care. He'd be like, I'm rich.

Yeah. Why am I talking to you? Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me, you bug. It's just, you're not supposed to call yourself a goat. Yeah. You know?

I think if anybody, if I was hanging out with Chappelle, if you allowed me to talk for like 10 seconds, I would immediately see Chappelle's, the bottom of his shoe, and it would start doing this. Slashing you out of the room. Oh, a black

There was a lady on Rogan and the pussy and they measured it. He's like, right. Right. Right. And then Yeah, you're gay. Yeah. And then on his next special he's like On his next special he's like on his next special he's like i was at the comedy store this chinese honky

trying to talk to my ass so one of my favorite things i ever saw on stand-up live was chapelle dropped in at the comedy store like two in the morning and he was really really drunk and he uh he had the guy on the piano uh start doing i will survive right but uh japan a day was so drunk and he just kept going uh ching chong bing bong ching chong bing bong ching chong bing bong ching chong bing bong ching chong bing bong and he did the whole thing and like everybody was like pissing themselves like slamming on the yeah i was like oh man comedy's so simple yeah it really can be so simple it really is that simple honestly we talked about a black guy so much the white ladies that white lady started playing well

especially when you watch chapelle on stage and he's drunk and he's free and he's like actually telling jokes like yeah because this was like 2017 right like back then he really is like bugs bunny he's jumping around and like hopping and like yeah making all these funny faces the thing that just annoys me is is you know like he's doing you know he has 12 netflix specials and he's like acting like you know he's acting like he's being nailed to a cross and it's like you may you make uh two million dollars a show well that's i think what everyone's frustrated with is how many comedians take themselves so seriously so seriously exactly what they do is so serious

there's like a 20 minute bit at the end where he tells us it's called the dreamer and it's like this whole thing like I'm a dreamer like I bet on myself and it came you know but it's not really it doesn't really feel like he believes anyone else could do it too.

So it just comes off kind of odd. You're just kind of talking about how you're amazing. You know, but he is probably, he is the best stand-up of all time to me, probably. He's up there, probably. In terms of prolificness. But it is getting, you have to look away from how how repetitive it's becoming yeah yeah and how self-important cat specials are really good by the way each special is really good that he puts out that's amazing yeah yeah yeah talks about jacksonville

a little too much but other than that he did do like 20 minutes on jacksonville on this last special but that was it was still he's still great I mean, that was a stand-up special was the club Shea Shea thing. Oh, him talking about Rogan and everything. Him going off, yeah. One of the last guys that talks the way people do if there's no mic in front of them. Like, he actually talks unfiltered like how ONA and all those guys did

back in the 2000s. And that's dead now. That's dead. I know people that know him and work for him, and he is awesome. He's very generous. I've heard that as well, that he pays very well. Really? Yeah. My favorite thing, and I love Cat.

I also love that he's, you have to admit that he's severely mentally ill. Yeah, he gets in weird fights with monkeys at the zoo. No, yeah, literally. Like toddlers and stuff. It's always a monkey at the zoo. Man, those were teenagers. He compared a Chinese guy to a bug at the beginning of this episode,

and I let that slide. Ben, no. You called him an insect. That had nothing to do with him being Chinese. That was the quality of his comedy. That was the content of his character. That was his mind. That was his humanity.

His soul is a bug. He could just as easily be a white guy. He's a bug. Exactly. You said insect, which it's like, no, that's your thinking. You're outing yourself. Also, yeah. I didn't think of his race at all. Yeah. Also,

Devon's making fun of Chinese people, which you can go a thousand miles further than black people. Right. Chinese people, we can almost nuke them again. That's how much people don't care. Bagley. Yeah. They'd be like, thank you so much.

They'd be like, thank you so much. Please. We apologize for joking booster. We apologize for Bo Yang. I'm sure those guys aren't Chinese. They're like Korean or Japanese. We just have one voice for all of Asia. I mean, the media that pretends to care about them mixes them up all the time.

It's true. They even made that article, Jace pointed out, where they were mixing them up. Why are we not supposed to be upset at Chinese people? Like, they fucked COVID, dude. Yeah, COVID. They did create COVID. What the hell? Like, why are we crazy for this?

Dude, I was playing golf like three weeks ago, and I got paired with these three older Asian guys, and I was just loudly to my friends. I was like, I mean, it was a fucking bioweapon. Let's be honest. It was a lab leak, and they were over in the green. They're just like, oh, yeah, yeah. They're just nodding.

They pulled like a seven iron and stabbed into their belly. They go, we are society. I'd imagine they would like if we say it's a bioweapon, right? Yeah. Because it takes more. It takes pressure. Makes them cool. It's like, oh say it's a bioweapon right yeah it takes more it takes pressure it's like oh it wasn't because we're savages that eat yeah bat soup yeah it wasn't a good chinese guy fucked up pangolin it wasn't because i had the i ate diarrhea fucking wontons and then started covid no it's because i'm evil yeah i'm i'm smart and he's been around a fucking bat by the way i hate. I hate bats with all my heart.

Fucking disgusting. Snakes and bats, I hope. I want to eradicate the world. Done with them. I hate them so much. Hate them. I hate them. Hate them.

I hate anything like an Indian guy would let land on his arm. The way white people have falconry. Indian Jeremiah Johnson. He's like, oh, come here, flying here flying cobra right here it is a snake that flapping wings hey guys if you've got some extra holiday cash on your hands don't blow it all on taco bell or burger king make your money count with hello fresh hello fresh HelloFresh is America's number one meal kit. They send pre-portioned ingredients with awesome recipes straight to your door. Everything is

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One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com slash lemon free with code lemon free. Thank you, HelloFresh, and back lemon free with code lemon free. Thank you. Hello, fresh and back to the podcast. Thank you, man. I had the dumbest thought the other night. I was I was I was a little drunk and I was thinking of because we do a lot of Indian jokes here. Sure.

You know, I mean, it's the people love it. It got in my mind. All of a sudden, Indian jokes are in my brain. Sure. I was thinking of an Indian guy doing a Ron Burgundy impression. He's like, rape, rape, rape. I love rape. I go down, down into a bougie.

That's so good. That's very good, Devin. There's so many Indian people, though. I don't feel like other Indian people that listen to the show are offended because they're like yeah there's like billions of us you know what I mean I don't feel like Indian people really care about Indian jokes in a weird way

no because there's so many of them because they either have their own Netflix show or they are yeah shitting on the street and getting ripped sorry sorry so here's kind of the beautiful thing about and jace if i may compliment them actually sure sure the beautiful thing about indian people

is they do view the world as a caste system right so they see themselves here and then white people are like oh you're stinky or whatever right and then they go they're looking up they're like yeah you're up there you we do suck right and then they take like we shit on? And then they go, they're looking up. They're like, yeah, you're up there. We do suck, right? And then they take like we shit on them and then they turn around and they start calling black people the N-word. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they see it as this staircase that they're on. Right. Do they think if they

die, they'll come and they were good. They'll come back as a white person like they'll go reincarnation. They'll come back as a guy named Doug who just says I.T. They come back as Dan Bilzerian. My person is Dan Bilzerian.

I mean, why do you think they worship the Bodhi tree? Let's be real here for a second. What is that tree? Don't say things like that all casually. Like we're in a bar and we're just a bunch of guys. Oh yes, of course, the Bodhi tree. You don't see Devin dropping like Nick Van Exel stats from 1994

I stay out I stay in my lane I'm not like bringing up NBA players all the time and expecting you to pretend well I guess the Bodhi tree

it's like Buddhist or whatever right but is it also Hindu that's a bunch of shit I don't know I watched that Wheel of Time documentary by Werther Herzog

and I was like man I was like Buddhist people are crazy and they got to the end he's like and so that's the that's the whole documentary about Herzog. And I was like, man, Buddhist people are crazy. And they got to the end. He's like, and so that's the whole documentary about the Hindu people. And I was like, oh shit, this is a whole other... I was basically watching a documentary

about Japan and I was like, man, China's fucking nuts, huh? Like learning absolutely nothing. We dropped a nuke on Shanghai? My god. Oh my God. I think, is the Bodhi tree the one that the Buddha sat under? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But see, what I always get confused about is there's Buddhist people, I think, also in India.

I don't know if they really, I think they're mostly Hindu. But here's the thing. Buddhism is based on Hinduism. Hinduism came first. So I don't know what's going on over there. It's so incestual i know this is a racist belief this is very dismissive but i genuinely believe if you asked if an indian guy you'd be like we don't know it's made up we don't know it's a goblin i remember

because i got really into buddhism and i was like reading a lot about the buddha and stuff and they kind of hide because you know like you you know your christian church like well this is all bullshit and made up you know like there wasn't a guy who killed a giant with a slingshot and then you're like buddha it's like you know they're like buddha's decided that wealth is bad and it's good to be present and you're like oh this is great i can relate to that religions are a little more like vague yeah but you go far enough it's like scientology you go deep enough you literally get to the Theoden level and then I was watching a documentary I was like

I'm fanning myself like a church I see the racist turn coming speak oh racist days Wade in the crime stats God yeah wade in the crime stats god man that's both very knowledgeable and racist at the same time but if you watch i was i was like

two months into just like read about buddhism all the time i was watching a documentary and it was like an hour into the doc and they were like and so buddha sat under this tree and he realized that there's like you know what uh suffering is you know the present moment all this type of stuff and i'm like oh cool and then they go and then the the the big dragon flew out of the earth um that represents all evil in the world and like the seven monkeys with knives showed up and there was a thousand scorpions and buddha fought them all off with like magical powers you're like oh this is fucking gains stupid too yeah they just don't tell me the gay and stupid thing because they bring my knowledge of buddhism is they bring a crippled old monk to a ted talk right and he's just like try not to try not to be so horny all

the time and then you're like that's great that's brilliant also it's it's uh westernized people i guess like i don't know majority white whatever americans we find all that stuff very like mysterious and we love we love like it's it's very i don't know we we we just it's it's it's masturbatory to us yeah we're very like oh it's so much it's so interesting and you know it's it's like the native it's a it's it's like white women in santa fe yes i think native americans have magical powers yeah they think they can fuck rocks because of native americans exactly we just like love that shit i was at the farmer's market in alhambra today there was there was uh 10 buddhist monks walking down the farmer's market road and they were they were in that little bowl that vibrates the bung and people were giving them

money and in my head i was like oh that's really cool and then i was like and then i was i was like wait wait no that's fucking gay and retarded that you're in like this weird cult and like you know it sucks it sucks yeah if i saw like mormons walking around you know like fucking banging at coke zero or something it's retarded yeah i'd be like you're retarded watching a mentally ill man that like cares about the power rangers too much like it's it's i don't care just because he's asian and like eats soup and like right he holds up he drinks the soup with his like he holds it with his hands and he doesn't have a spoon so we go wow he's a really he's really holy and he like understands more than we do you're like oh he's he's 90 pounds he wears pedophile glasses

and a diaper yeah it's but i think that's deep that's deep. And we're just so jaded with Christianity in this country, so we're like, why is that any different than an annoying Southern pastor? Yeah, it's the exact same thing. It's the same. See, this would all be fixed if you guys weren't pushed away from Christianity and stuff by our country,

which is racist against white people and stuff. You guys are racist against white people. There is a big problem in this country. And then so people shed, they shed their Christianity coat and then they go, oh, but like why is that guy banging on a bowl with a, like a tuning fork?

And like, he's not wearing underwear. I don't like that either. And then you look back and then, uh, this is another thing, by the way, I talked to my,

I was talking to my friend about on the phone, uh, this week. Catholicism is like Satanism, right? It's like satanic shit. I don't know. The chanting, the beads, the worshiping a man with a big hat. The whole thing. Same amount of pedophilia, basically.

It feels sacrilegious. Well, yeah, that's why. They all fuck kids. The chanting. Eyes wide shut. They all have hoods on. Yeah, there's something about doing those noises that revs you up to fuck a child. It's like starting your engine in the winter.

Right. Yeah, exactly. There's also something about God wanted me to dress like a pimp in the 1400s and wave this big ball of incense around. Yeah. That seems a little weird. Well, also the worst people you know are getting into Catholicism. It's like, what

is attracting you guys to this? That is interesting. What's the pedophilia rate in Christian churches? It's nowhere near as high as Catholicism. No, of course not. But Catholicism is the most popular religion besides Islam, right? Catholicism is like 72% of Christianity,ity i believe i think

per capita there's the same amount of molestation happening in the catholic church as as in the christian church as in the protestant i don't know i've been crunching the numbers yeah i think they're doing a lot more than molestation they go listen i was molested at a christian church but i think i think the molestation has got to be way higher in the catholic church because of the celibacy again i think you're being racist against whites frankly i think i think it's i think it is worse because you're getting molested by an old guy who's dressed like batman for some reason in the catholic church you're getting molested by philip seymour hoffman he's wearing a big tic tac is there not celibacy and the christian celibacy until marriage but no they can fuck but catholic preachers or catholic priests cannot have priests can and the christians can

christian like a protestant like a minister he can like have a family and kids he can come inside of his wife he can get blow jobs from her and get jacked off he can do it all okay you can fuck her in the ass you can do all that type of stuff you can fuck her in the ass he can uh yeah they can do dildos i think double-sided dildos they can fuck each other the ass. He can do all that type of stuff. He can fuck her in the ass. He can... They can do dildos, I think. Double-sided dildos. They can fuck each other. Is there like a list they give you? Yeah.

Dildos are allowed. When you join the church, they hand you a list of all the things. You know, that would be an interesting thing, like walking up to a priest at our old church, at Oldham Lane Church of Christ, which you can look up

and review bomb on Yelp or whatever. bomb on Yelp or whatever. But if you walked into a priest and you're like, you're like, don't do that. Don't do that. Please. Actually, don't do that.

Our parents will get phone calls. We might have to edit that out. Actually, it's fine. I trust them. They won't do it. Just might have to edit that out, actually. It's fine. I trust them. They won't do it. Just don't do it. Actually, don't do it, please.

I don't want to edit it out. I have the kid now. I don't want time to bleep it. Listen, if you do it, we're going to say less stuff like that in the future. You guys are on the hook for whatever the fuck you say for now on this podcast. I'm not editing out shit. Those days are over. I got a mouth to feed over there.

You're busy. Don't let them hear that. Ben's gotten lazy. I would like to... They're upset you're not bleeping things. They're like, Ben should have bleeped a lot. Some guys trying to... Some people are trying to start a rumor that I'm going to

leave Lemon Party now that I've had a kid. I'm month to month. How am I going to make any money? The only thing that you make money from. Here's the thing. We could say anything and then they'll run with it. Oh, that's true. So next week, come up with some funny fake lie and then they'll run with it.

I mean, they might be listening to the show right now not knowing the bit I'm doing on Twitter is a joke. And they think I'm like a lib cock. Yeah. You should, if anything, you should go, you should make some little fake GoFundMes or something, you know? Say your baby has like a big watermelon head or something. You need to get it like depressurized. What is stopping me from lying?

I don't know. I think being raised Christian and traumatized. Damn. Did Emma fart? She's been farting the whole episode. She's been farting for attention. She's getting no attention because of the baby. Oh, and you shoved your ass in my face, you bitch.

Get out of here. Emma, no one loves you now. We're done with you. We have a kid. Emma, no one loves you. We're going to put you on eBay for the highest lemon party better. You're still very cute. Yeah, we love you.

Sorry, Jace. What were you saying so the church the brilliant bit i was starting was i would i would like to walk up to one of those preachers from our old church and be like be like so i'm married i have my wife can my wife can we put take a dildo and shove it up my ass and then shove it up our ass and then fuck each other's assholes back to back like is that christian he does this he leans back in his chair and goes pray with me yeah you're in front of the congregation like lord we just god bends heart so he can know and we know where god is silent we are also we are also silent but there is nothing in your good word

that says anything about a double-sided dildo lord paul never said anything about getting edged in the asshole by your wife lord and we just pray that you never said anything about tantric sex neither yeah you just go into ben's heart while he's gooning next time and you just let him know if he can get fucked in the ass by his wife or not if that's christian war just let him know or we pray that anyway i'm i'm a pedophile i'm a pedophile i'm dating an 11 year old girl anyway i'm a pedophile by today's standards but by history standards i'm just happily married lord i've been fucking a 12 year old girl at the church for six years and then one day i'm gonna it's gonna come

forward and the church is gonna blame her lord and kick her out of church lord i just pray that she kills herself before she comes forward lord if she doesn't i and if it my my lies exposed i will i will paint the baptism wall behind me red lord i have a 44 magnum on my on my hip lord and i will blow my brains out Bud Dwyer style. Lord, and if I don't turn that baptism pit into a Kool-Aid pitcher, Lord, I pray you, God, in my heart that I can manipulate my wife,

that this is her fault for not fucking me in the ass, Lord, the way I asked you to, and I can manipulate her, I can gaslight her, Lord. Just God, her heart to be manipulated, God. We would have that sometimes. I think we might have talked about this, but we would have old guys come forward at church on Sunday

and they'd be like, I've been gooning, basically. I've been gooning. I've been gooning. I get five monitors up and I watch all types of trans pornography, Lord. I have projectors and iPads and iPhones and every type of screen you could imagine in the garage, Lord. And I balance them all on a bunch of old tires, Lord. Lord, I have the screen from Minority Report and I watch pornography on it. Little balls come out and show me Chinese people getting fucked on it, Lord.

And they'd say that in front of their community. They would say that. Right. Yeah. And then after he was like, Hey, hell of a sermon. Yeah.

Hell of a sermon. Yeah. Hell of a sermon. That guy wanted to fuck a bunch of babies or something. Right. Came forward about that. Oh, the guy that comes forward to confess.

Yeah. He's confessed. That he fucked his baby. That he keeps fucking babies. Said he's asking. He he's asking he's asking that no not even forgive this he's asking the lord to stop him from fucking babies anymore that's the most retarded thing about catholicism by the way is repentance is unironically like you'll go to the guy and you'll be like oh i uh you know

like i pushed my wife down a flight of stairs because she like burnt the dinner right yeah the priest is like rape five children and say i hail mary and you just have to they just go just say you know nine hail marys yeah there's does it take long at all no it allows you to just be like i'm just gonna keep committing sins yeah no you get it at all. No, it allows you to just be like, I'm just going to keep committing sins. Yeah. You don't get it at all. You could literally, in Catholicism, you can do the Mandalay Bay shooting and then ask for forgiveness. As long as you confess it. I believe you'll...

There was a thing in the ancient Catholic Church where you can't commit suicide. This is like in the 14, 1500s. You can't commit suicide. So what people would do was if they wanted to kill themselves, they would kill a kid, get caught killing a kid and they've been sentenced to death and before they were executed they would confess that they killed the kid and then they would confess that they killed the kid to make a loophole on god and they're sorry about that and then they would in catholicism they still go to heaven it'd be

fine yeah yeah yeah unbelievable so yeah i think cath Catholicism is just for like retarded Italian people. Yeah. I mean. It's for like drunk Irish people and like big fat retarded Italian people. I mean, it is the religion of the two most retarded white people of all time. Yeah. It's for people to be like, I do it for my family. Yeah.

I do it for my family that I hate, but I see every single day of my life. I stabbed a Puerto Rican in the chest for my family. For my family. Do you ever drive past a Korean church? You know, because there's a lot of Koreans. Koreans are very Christian out here. Yeah, there's like Korean Christian churches. Every time I drive past, I'm like, man, we fucked

those guys up, huh? Yeah. They're doing white Jesus. They will have white Jesus painted on the outside of a Korean church. I know. Growing up, I would go to my Korean friends' houses and they're all kind of Christian but they're all super Korean. But I'm like, oh yeah,

I'd look at the wall and there'd be Christ. I'm like, hey, right? You love white people? You're like, oh yeah, Andrew Garfield got you guys in the 1300s or whatever. Any coincidence, great race, great people, very nice, great people, very nice, very intelligent, very clean, very hardworking. A lot of great things about Korean people.

Very Americanized Koreans. Very. That's why we like their movies so much. They even make good fried chicken. They make great fried chicken. That's their plan to start poisoning the sauce and kill black people.

They're luring them in. Yeah, we're going to make a great fried chicken. Yeah, come, come in, come in. We're good. Come in, come in. And they go, shame to your mother. They go, knock the door. Little do you know what is in the mango habanero sauce.

It is corn syrup. It is corn syrup that will give you heart disease. It is lemon pepper cyanide I guarantee you every Korean fried chicken restaurant owner in LA

is a serial killer like they kill like one black person a week and they boil him in the back in like peanut oil like they're

Walter White they go motherfucker George Washington copper they're so racist they're probably the most racist They go, motherfucker, George Washington Carver. They're so racist. They're probably the most racist people I've ever met. They go, motherfucker, George Washington Carver.

They love Jesus and they hate black people so much. So that's why you like them so much. They're white. Oh, they're very American. And their children want to be black. So, yeah, they really hit the trinity of being white. Because they want to be like white people in the 1950s. They're like, we love Americana, actually.

Yeah. We want it to be 1953 white people. Yeah. We own businesses. Yeah. Their kids are like, I want to be Jedid you know so yeah hey anyway i guess this is about where we should in the episode before we start talking about like hitler or something like that yeah probably uh you guys held uh the baby beautiful man it's crazy i literally put the baby down and then started doing this episode yeah it's sick

she was in this room and she's here because of this room and because of you guys and because of those people. Thank you all. I pulled the trigger. Pulled the trigger. That show last night, Connor's show, there was a couple fans that showed up and they were all nice. It was very nice. Oh, those guys

were great. I was looking at them. Kiernan and Cal. Those guys were great. Yeah, sure. I forgot their name already, but they were good great. I was looking at them. Kiernan and Cal. Those guys were great. Yeah, sure. I forgot their name already, but they were good people. I liked, I was drunk. But I was present. You were present. You were aware.

I was not. And that's your burden. I was sure. That's your burden. You're not going to remember your daughter's birthday because you have, oh, Kiernan and Cal were there.

What were they? Kiernan and Cal showed up? What are you talking about? No, they were, but a few of them, they sat, and while they were watching the show,

it was funny. I was looking at them, and they were looking at the stage like they were a hunter that forgot his gun. Like, they were looking at certain comics on stage

like a guy that, like, he was looking at a deer, but he goes, hey, fuck, where's my rifle i just think they were expecting a lot of fag retard stuff because that's what they think comedy they think all common is that now i know no no no no no yeah and then it's so i've been dating sure no everyone everyone did really well and they were all pretty

much yeah everyone on the show I liked, actually. So that's rare. Lockwood's great. Langston's great. Noah's great. Chris Estrada. I got to catch up with... Hey, shout out to Chris Estrada. I hope there's going to be a season three. Chris, if you need to deny you Noah for

your season three, that's fair. Chris is the best. Chris fucking rules. Shout out to Chris. Chris is great. Chris is the only guy... I want to get dinner with Chris fair. Chris is the best. Chris fucking rules. Shout out to Chris. Chris is great. Chris is the only guy Chris is the only guy I know that like has like a show on Hulu.

He's like making like he's got to be making a lot of money and he like showed up to my place one time and like it was like a like a wagon being pulled by like a donkey.

It was like insane. I was like, what is Hulu paying you? Would they give you feed? I wonder how much money Hulu does give people. We should ask him. You never know. We should ask him how much money he has. He's doing well. I believe.

I'll be the judge. He's just a good down-to-earth person, so he still drives like a Honda Fit. Yeah, I can't see Estrada showing up in like a fucking Bugatti or something. No, no. Showing up in a Bugatti and then talking About Owen Eclipse for 45 minutes

I always know Chris is drunk When he pulls me aside and goes I fucking love LA people fool I fucking love LA dudes fool I fucking love LA I fucking love LA people fool I'm like you're hammered God I hope there's a season three of this. I think there will be.

The season two was like doubled down on like, we're going to write. And it's really deep and good. Oh, shit. Was Chris at the Golden Globes that we were just watching before this? Is he there with a suit? I don't know. I don't think so.

I don't know, though. Maybe this fool was not. Then you saw one of the waiters. You got confused. Yeah, you dick. Chris shows up to the Golden Globes and like Jack Nicholson throws him his keys.

Hands Chris a $20 bill. Hands him $20 and then his stomach falls out of his tuxedo as he, his dementia ass waddles to his seat. Don't cry in front of the Mexicans.

I think popped up on my YouTube shorts. My YouTube shorts now is for some reason just Quentin Tarantino talking about directing and like Quentin Tarantino or like Leonardo DiCaprio telling a story about the first time he met like Robert De Niro. Yeah, that's all my YouTube shorts are now. And then like one the other day was it was just Jack Nicholson. And he's just like he gets out of a car and he almost falls backward into the car when he gets out yeah and like people are taking photos of him and it's flashing and the physical flashes of light are almost knocking him back like i think he is has

like dimension no he's so he is officially gone i think he's completely gone yeah and he's like he's he has a sharpie and he can he's holding it the way a baby holds A really big crown. Yeah, like like this Yeah, and he's signing his name and like big swirly cues and they go Jack Jack Are you are you are you gonna film another movie soon? And he looks up and he goes I love anybody looks so fun. I love anybody that old that still smokes cigarettes. In the ocean. Yeah, remember he ate that footlong sub. In the middle of the Pacific.

He's eating a Coney Dog. Smoking a cigarette and eating a sub. A submarine sandwich. Who swims down the ocean with a sandwich? That's Jack, baby. That's crazy. That's your old pal, Jack. Your old pal. You never had a

pastrami rye in the ocean, bud? God, I wish he was acting still. Who needs salt when you got the Pacific? Devin Costa at HaywatchPod and at Devin James Costa. Jace at Sad Drawings by Jace. The live streams are going to be every two

weeks on the Clips channel. We're going to make them more special. Sometimes I might do them by myself, though, because I get a kick out of doing them, but I only do them for an hour. We'll see. I got the baby. But we're toning those down not because of the baby. We're toning those down for other reasons. It seemed like we needed to start doing them every other week.

So that's the reason. They're fun to do, though. So we're going to still do them every two weeks. But they're on the Clips channel. That's not the podcast for people who keep getting confused. It's not the podcast. I didn't find them hard or I hated showing up to them or anything. No, no, no. It felt like a bit too much of us.

It felt like we're overexposing. Yeah, I agree, I agree, I agree. Did I forget anything else? Oh, and then I don't know if the show sold out yet, but there's one in Austin and we're adding one in Houston, by the way. Did I tell you guys that? Oh, okay. Yeah. San Antonio,

by the way, we won't get to come because the club is full and we can't find any other venues. So we're going to do Austin and Houston. I don't know if we'll do El Paso or not, but anyway, you get that at Lemon Party, whatever. And God bless everybody that bought merch. Merch will be coming soon.

Right, Jace? Is everything done with them? We're pretty much done with everything. It's to, everything but like 20 orders has been sent out, which I'm working on.

They'll be sent out within the next couple days. Yeah, so you'll get a notification for that very soon. Literally 99% of the orders have been sent out. Yeah, and if you didn't get it,

I guess UPS stole it or whatever. Yeah, yeah yeah so you can just email me yeah anyway all right god bless bye what the fuck is this piece of shit Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rose's Cantina, music would play and Paulina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Paulina Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for

this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a wild young cowboy came in