lemonparty - 065: evil obesity

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

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I I gotta get I gotta plug in the macbook I gotta get the charger real quick but when I come back we got a little bit of unpackaging to do and uh there's a there's a real doozy in there oh yeah we were if you guys want that true to talk and I don't I don't I don't want Matthew McKinney to know I don't like him. That's a very big connection. Can I get one of those ins from you, Devin? We should go to Uvalde. We should.

And do a podcast at the school. We'll do an active recording. Did they just reopen the school? Are those places just... It's a shooting range now, actually. It's the ultimate first-person video game. I find it insane that the schools that have shootings at them don't just have to shut down just for haunted reasons. It is weird. Yeah, it's like our third graders walking around like it's the comedy store being like,

oh, that's where Sam Kanson shot a bullet through a kid's skull. It just seems wrong. You got to close that up now. You can't do that. Yeah, I know, I know. Because there's kids that are in school that then they get like a week off and then they're told they have to go back

to where that's like insane. That's like being told you have to go keep learning in the basement your uncle raped you in. I know, and in that week break there is just like one janitor filling up holes with cock and then washing the blood off the walls.

And he's like, all right, back to, back to school, everybody. Oh man. Uh, talking about how it's crazy that like,

yeah, when a, when a shooting happens at a school that they, they don't close the school. Like people have to go back a month later to the same place. Yeah. It's really weird. Really,

really weird. Like David Hogg was likeg went to his senior year and everybody's like, oh, this fucking gay asshole. Yeah, he was walking around taking pictures and selling it to fucking People magazine. Shaving that girl's head and holding her down. Shaving her head. What was her name?

Gonzalez. Emma Gonzalez. Emma Gonzalez. Yeah. I wonder if she's hot now. I wonder if she's in OnlyFans where she sticks a gun up her pussy. Yeah, I hope the spotlight really destroyed her brain

and now I can see her tits online. Me too. Yeah. Now that she's of age. Wink. Okay. Wink. I hope she got the surgery that girl from the boys did

that just butchers the entire half of your lower half of your uh skull what is the girl i'm talking about you should you showed her me on twitter the actress yeah that ruined her face like aaron moriarty i think her name is and she just like just shaved off the bottom half of her face like a pencil just a regular good looking girl and then just cute girl cute girl and then just got fucking you know got Zac Efron surgery real house wife surgery yeah she looks awful I'm kind of convinced those guys

don't even know what they're doing any kind of cosmetic surgeons they're just like they just look at their assistants and they go and then they just do like the they have two knives like Legolas and they're just spinning them yeah do you think they're like halfway through surgery and he turns he's like he's like

i got no fucking idea he's like i really fucked this one up he's like put a graffiti ass on her forehead let's get her out of here there's a strange thing where people go like barbers can fuck up right like like you're the lady at the salon she can fuck up but no cosmetic guy has ever taken off too much and was like ah fuck yeah no shit because then they just go that's the new look that's the new look the new look they kick them out of it are they just turn uh the fucking gas up a little bit too high and they're like that's what happened to kanye's mom so the guy fucked up her liposuction so he turned the gas up yeah he panicked i hope people do start getting cartoon surgery because zach efron was moving close to

that territory like i hope people start making themselves look like the uh the grandfather from a courage the cowardly dog do you know what i'm talking about yeah with the long pointy chin with the big peanuts baseball cap yeah i hope um how in Japan they're getting white people surgery Like they're getting their eyes I hope celebrities Start getting Japanese surgery And Zac Efron gets big flaps Scrafted into his eyeballs

Yeah like it's not offensive if you paid Like a lot of money for it So people will start doing blackface But it's like no it's not racist This this is like thirty thousand dollars i'm not insensitive yeah i went and i went ahead and i you know i paid a lot of money for this and all this money went to dr vartuki and in glendale yeah this evil uh this evil scientist in the top of the glendale hills in a mcmansion in the glendale hills so the saying the evil scientist let's top of the Glendale Hills. In a McMansion in the Glendale Hills. So saying the evil scientist, let's go to the unboxing real quick.

Oh, yeah. And I'm not going to bury the lead here. A guy sent us a 1938 edition of Mein Kampf that was owned by a Nazi. Jesus Christ. A 1938? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's actually crazy. Can we sell that? Yeah, it's worth a lot of money. It's in German. Oh, my God. Can I see that? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's actually crazy. Can we sell that?

Yeah, it's worth a lot of money. It's in German. Oh, my God. Can I see that? Yeah, yeah. Open it up. Hitler signed the inside of it. He went to like a Comic-Con, got a signing from Hitler.

Man, that's crazy. That's fucking- It's worth a shitload of money. Dude, it's in fucking German, and the German looks like you're about to kill jewish people that's insane wow that's insane so he sent me all these documents here and i'm not supposed to see people's names because who writes letters like that that looks like you're killing jews those letters yeah yeah that looks like you're doing experiments on letters so this is the sewing letters togetherilling holes in letters' heads and pouring water in it. He sent me all the legal

documents on it because this was owned by a Nazi who was extradited from the United States in 1999. Our fan. You figure out it was our granddaddy. Do you want to see it? Our granddaddy, Wilhelm von avery so this guy was part of a uh a lithuanian uh battalion of nazis that were responsible for the deaths of like upwards of

20 000 jews i don't i don't like that at all it says and this is all this is a matter of record i'm literally i read all this stuff that he sent me he asked me just to exclude the name uh after the war germany refused to recognize the lithuanian provisional government and the new lithuanian army the battalion for the defense of national labor was reorganized to serve german purposes. So they said, and I think Himmler went on record saying that their acts were so heinous, the Nazi party didn't even associate with them. They were so bad.

That's got to be bad when Himmler says knock it off. So I think from what I understand, I think they armed them and were like, okay, we're not going to fund you, but if you guys want to do stuff in the name of Hitler, go ahead. And then all the Nazi party was like, okay, we're not going to fund you, but if you guys want to do stuff in the name of Hitler, go ahead. And then all the Nazi party was like, Jesus crow. Oh my God.

What are they doing over there? They were like Contras for Nazis. They were too crazy for Nazis? Yeah, they were like... Remember when Alex Jones had to go on Infowars and say Owen Benjamin will never be on his program because he's a sick man? Hitler had to go on a big podium and be like Owen Benjamin will never be on his program because he's like he's like a sick man like Hitler

had to go on a big podium and be like look these guys are fucking nuts right they're going from village to village I have there's a record here shit I didn't highlight anything I should have done that I feel like I'm on Infowars right now I was gonna say it's very

funny to imagine him we're doing like a PR conference with cameras and being like, listen, we pull their teeth out. We don't eat them afterwards. Yeah. Is there like, Himmler, you got to get in front of this. Oh, here we go. So from October 6th through December, the Schutzschaft, along with the German 11th Reserve Police Battalion, participated in a number of killings actions in Minsk and the surrounding areas.

More than 19,000 civilians were executed. This included the 1,300 residents of a Jewish village, over 630 persons who were killed on October 8th near all these places. October 8th, huh? Interesting day. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. I hope this is the episode Brett Gellman finally watches. And he's like, I knew it.

I was so right. They pulled out a Mein Kampf from Hitler. So I do want to do this ransom diligence where this man was his father's, like his Obi-Wan, basically. His dad came into contact with this guy and this guy regretted all the killings he did and it weighed heavy on his heart.

And eventually, at the age of 81, the United States extradited him back to Lithuania and I don't know what happened to him there. I'm sure he would have felt

the same way if the scoreboard didn't go the other way. Now that he's living in the US, he's like, it would actually, it sucked.

I'm sorry. Yeah, right, right, right. Now he has to repent and shit. There'll be a documentary made about this guy on Netflix in like a year. It's called like My Neighbor the Nazi. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and they fuck him in it.

Oh, it also says here, he says, unknown to my father, he also served in the Eastern Front and as Russia was pushing into German lines, he told my father he recalled burning up two or three MG42 machine gun barrels and that he remembered shooting many young soldiers who were probably 13 to 16-year-old boys the Russians used as troops.

So he didn't kill Americans, at least. You know, he just, like, you know, he killed a bunch of Russians. And he says he was a giant of a man. He was, like, this huge. So he was literally, like. Just with his actions on earth yes yes so he was like i guess seven foot tall lithuanian nazi is this was just some strange super soldier who was a hero in this war you know for the bad side he was like the judge but for nazis yeah but he

regretted it later oh okay well that's all that's's fine. Oh, that's all we need. Yeah. Put him in Nuremberg and they go, do you feel sorry? He's like, yes. They go, okay. Yeah, I mean, what were they supposed to do, you know? They were killed if they didn't participate, right? Yeah, of course. Of course. I mean, there were like hippie Germans.

They're like, I'm not going to war, man. You're doing no good out there, man. They're smoking weed. Yeah. I'm going to Canada. I ain't going to Canada, man. Yeah, man. You're doing no good out there, man. Yeah, I'm going to Canada, man. Yeah, man. Me and my homie, we're going to fuck each other at the draft, man.

And they're just bullets in the back of their heads, thrown in a pile. You know what's funny is this guy was in a battalion in Lithuania. This guy was in a battalion. They were like they were like no we need to like uh we need to do this for hitler's will like they weren't like living in germany like we have to enlist they weren't even making a dime off the thing they were doing it

out of literally the love of their heart for hitler yeah yeah right which is kind of crazy like they were like they were doing it pro bono they were pro bono Nazis. They're like the guys you heard move to the South to fight in the Civil War on that side. You're like, damn. They spent like eight grand getting through the South just to fight. They took out a second mortgage so they could fight against forward slavery. From my loose knowledge of this, because I don't understand everything that was going on over there in World War II. From what I understand, they were a battalion that Germany was like, I don't know what they're doing but we're not gonna say it's bad right and we're gonna maybe ship them some stuff but we can't technically pay them and then the stuff

they did was so heinous germany at the end of the war was like that they were fucked over there they were able to point a finger at these people in lithuania because they were so insane because they were like Vikings going from village to village and exterminating people. Like Russians and shit? Yeah, like Russian Jews. Because they were, like in Germany, they did the due diligence of like,

they would, you know, out of sight, out of mind. What happened to the Schmaltz, the Schmaltz men? What happened to the Goldbergs? They're making clouds. They went on vacation to the sky. They areman. The golden bird. We're making clouds. They went on vacation to the sky. They are now. They make rain. They left behind their teeth, though, and their shoes.

But I think this is worth thousands of dollars. Yeah, man. No, I'm not kidding. Why did he set? That's like he could have sold that to Richard Spencer or spencer and then there's the signature of the man himself he uh i believe um he like he like he waited at barnes and noble hitler sat there it was like a really boring reading yeah it says to jenny your number one fan the barnes and noble right next to the americana yeah he went and got a shitty Starbucks. Yeah, a bunch of Nazis at the Grove in line waiting to get their book signed.

Yeah, while a homeless guy is shitting all over the walls of the bathroom, Hitler needs to use it after him. So it is not signed by Hitler, but it has the signature of the man himself there, which is crazy. And at the beginning, it has the signature of a couple guys and a date. Literally, it's etched there with like a, I imagine some sort of Nazi will. It says Ashley Babbitt, October 7th. But you know when you get baptized and you get a Bible, like this is what they got.

I don't want to shit on this guy that sent this because thank you so much. It's worth a lot of money. We could sell it for a couple thousand bucks. I don't know if that's an action. This seems like a copy. The signatures. Oh you think it's a forgery? It might be forged. I think that is a copy but I think this is handwritten. This is like a Nazi. Look at that there. The date. That looks

like a Nazi catch me if you can thing. This looks like a guy was you know. Yeah. You're like the guy from Pawn Stars. You're like, I got a Hitler guy. I'll bring him in. He's on Antiques Roadshow. The person's like, I regret to inform you, this is not an original Mein Kampf. And it pants to you.

Some old guy just starts sobbing. It's the only thing I ever loved. It pants to him and he's got the full German spiked helmet on. He goes, ah, fuck. I ever loved. Yeah. He pans to him and he's got the full German spiked helmet on. He goes, oh, fuck. You realize holding it in the weight of your hands, the words, the power of words, it's astronomical that you could write a book and move mountains. You know, so. Move more than mountains.

You can move a little bit more than mountains. Yeah, you could be a human herder. Move mounds, really. A man can sit at a typewriter for a few years, take it to the printing presses, and convince a man to kill his own brother. Yeah. Very strange.

Is that why you're getting into writing? Once you realize this? I mean, that is... I've got to be honest. I would rather a guy send us, like, Harriet Tubman's teeth or something. Oh, so then... Okay okay but hold on then a nazi's copy of mine so this is what's funny because this is we have the unbreakable of a fan bases because we have like a guy sitting as hitler stuff and then we have it we have to have another guy at the end of the spectrum this

is lemon party here sure jace uh this guy um he's one of the Jewish fans of the podcast, and he wanted to send you something. Okay. What is this? Oh, he sent me a yarmulke. He sent you his yarmulke. That's a yarmulke? It looks like an N95. Yeah.

Did Fauci wear this? I think I got to turn it this way. He says, by the way, we've been saying yarmulke wrong. It's a kippah. You say kippah by the way, we've been saying yarmulke wrong. It's a kippah. You say kippah, and then yarmulke is yarmulke. Yarmulke, I think. Watch, I put this on in the Patreon doubles. We immediately get good management.

Well, he wrote you a nice... No, there's no Jews in podcasting, let's be real. Dear Jace, this is proof that you have at least one Jewish listener who can laugh along with your faux anti-semitic i never said it was faux and anti-israel tirades despite them you're still invited to the deli i love that it's like you're invited to the cookout i like the uh um where we'll we'll fix you a plate of bagel and lox and gefilte fish as a token of my appreciation please find one real authentic yarmulke now you can blend in whenever you find yourself in williamsburg or a bank very good or a

tunnel i i that's really endearing thank you that's awesome that's awesome it warms my heart it came in the same uh like the same shipment of stuff that had... That had Mein Kampf in it. I can't believe the box didn't explode in the mail. Okay. Yeah, I picked it up and it was glowing. Like, the Indiana Jones rocks. And then, of course, we have listeners in the middle. This guy gave me a photograph of me with Will and Don in front of a building that Timothy McVeigh bought.

I believe, isn't that the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building Plaza? Isn't that the building he blew up? I don't know what it was called. I went there as a child. I don't know what it was called, though. Very interesting. Isn't that the one he blew up, or am I crazy? I mean, I don't know.

You could look it up, but... Yeah, I guess I'll look it up. Maybe I'm too retarded to get anything anymore, man. I don't remember anything anymore. This is the building where the bathrooms were blown up. Jesus. That's actually a pretty good edit. Alfred P. Murrah building.

Can I say really quickly, this is the first time I've tried on it. Yeah, it's in Oklahoma City. Yeah, I'm right. See, I can't double back on being retarded. I am retarded, and I know the light and the dark, and I can tell the difference. This is my first time wearing a yarmulke, and it feels even more retarded than it looks the light and the dark and i can tell the difference this is my first time wearing a yarmulke and it feels even more retarded than it looks i gotta be honest how does it stay on is it clip something i'm using the the headphone i think it comes with the clip but i'm using the

headphones to keep it on okay so like for a lot of people like it has to clip on to i guess clip into the curls into the curl and then it stays on yeah so and by the way we got great gifts i mean i can't open all of them because then it would just yeah so and by the way we got great gifts i mean i can't open all of them because then it would just be boring you know but like this guy he gave me a great book uh because he's been trying to write and he says i gave him some great advice and he said also i'm the fattest gayest most chinese man on the planet really and i wonder if that's true like people from all walks of life. He sent me a... Aaron told me this is a good book, too,

by Roberto Bolano, Last Evenings on Earth. He said it's a good writer. Oh, this is the guy who wrote 2666. I have that. I need to read it. It's a beautiful thing that, like, everybody is racist when they're honest. Isn't it a beautiful fact?

It's a beautiful thing to find out, you know? And I'll give a shout-out to this guy, too. He said, this is his book. His name's Jack Lucci. And he said, hey, or did he say Lucci? L-U-C-C-I. He says, hey. I don't think he even knows.

Yeah, I don't know. He wrote a book called Loving and Leaving. Oh, my God. There's real humans that make things? Listen. Yeah, and that went through a publisher, like a human being read it and had to pass it. This looks cool. This looks great.

My type of book, too. Very flimsy and easy to read. Very short. It's called a novella. Hey, Fags, I wrote this book. It's a gift for all three of you. It might appeal to Jason's sensibilities more than Devin or Ben's, but I know Ben is writing a book, so it might be for him, too. I wrote into Hatewatch, and they all assumed it was self-published, but it's not. Kiss my ass. Anyway, can't wait to hear about how terrible it is. I suck ass, Jack Lucci. And the fact that he signed it, I sucked

ass, and addressed it with, hey, fags, makes me... I'm actually gonna read the book. I love this guy. And I'm not even... This is the... It feels good, too. It's got a nice weight to it. And dude, even this... I'm so... I can't believe people are sending us stuff.

Someone sent me a kid's book called Biracial Baby. Which I guess is real, because I think that's a thing in the children's book industry where like every book is like, you know, my cockless child. Yeah. You open it and it's just it's how to shoot three pointers. It's an instructional guide. How to shoot fadeaway threes. Exactly. How to ruin the

game of basketball with good shooting. Who I am is a richness. I am a biracial baby. I am a beautiful nougaty baby. By the way, interesting, I noted that they made the dad black and the mom white. I noticed that. The love is

limitless in this world of plenty, much like my cock. Yeah, they call it I'm a biracial baby, the normal kind, we assume. So you want to molest your child to make sure they're gay. By Kyle Brown.

Whether my skin is dark or light, my ancestors stand beside me, screaming at each other. Carl Brown Lives Matter. Ooh, there we go. Very good. Very good, Ben. The very hungry person.

It's about Roxane Gay. Yeah, and she can't fit in the book. It's just one hamstring is the whole book. It's one of those books you have to fold out. Yeah. But it takes five years. Yeah, Roxane Gay, her childhood book is called Everybody Shits. Everybody fucking shits.

Oh, man. I got to put some of this stuff up in. Oh, man. I got to put some of this stuff up in the studio, though, like especially the Will and Don picture. Yeah, somebody sent me. I think he wanted me to shout him out. His name is, he's on Reddit. His name is Xanax for breakfast. He sent me George Floyd minion stickers.

And then he also sent me a portrait of of chris dorner and it said all cops hate cops and that was the only thing we got that i showed to my girlfriend and that shit kicks ass that was really cool i'm actually gonna put that um on my car so police officers beat the shit out of me if i ever get pulled over the george floyd minions is he did he have those made or is it was that already a thing oh the guy that made george George Floyd minion stickers? I have no idea. He went to the liberty of making those. I think he sells them to people like in our Discord.

Good for him. I think he has a legitimate business now. He can quit his day job. I opened, that was the one that was addressed to me and I opened it in the post office

and a couple George Floyd minions fell on the ground. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm really, I've got to learn to stop opening stuff in the post office. I'm just always assuming it's going to be anthrax.

I figure better to open it there. Yeah. Open it on camera. Yeah, exactly. With cameras. To prove I'm like, this is not I pulled it out and there was anthrax in it. Imagine you see me go to the to the P.O. box.

I open it, open a letter, pull out a yarmulke and then put it on and then walk out. Like it finally came in the mail. Finally. Like I'm a Boy Scout trying to be Jewish. And I go, oh boy, it finally came. Now I can be annoying and go in the tunnels. What are you doing? Are you making your own suicide at home?

He got a Coke Zero from Chick-fil-a with no ice in it earlier we waited in line for like 10 minutes of the drive-thru like fucking ted bundy after a kill i had a vision oh by the way this is the guy this is his badge from the army the guy that uh killed like 20 000 people oh nice well lithuanian badge yeah we'll make sure to hang that up in the studio put that over here yeah interesting beautiful go ahead tell. Tell them. I told you I had a dream out of vision about a new way of doing things that no one's done them before. Yeah, it was like Rust Call, the last episode.

Yeah, I wheeled out of a hospital and I looked up at the stars. Marty, just stop right here. I had a dream. Waiting in line for 15 minutes to get a Coke Zero with no ice in it. Marty, I look up at the stars in it. I realize it looks like ice and a Dr. Pepper. And then Marty goes, it looks like there's a lot more Dr. Pepper than ice.

He goes, no, no, no, man. That's not the right. It's because the ice is melting, man. That's another way to look at it. They're supposed to be very nice at chick-fil-a and all that and the employee and everything and he was nice but there was a moment where he had like a like he hesitated he's like that's it that's it well because i went there i got three large sodas yeah so here's what i do and i don't know why i haven't thought of this before first of all

fuck bottle fountain all the way devin backed me up on that, too. Yes, I agree. If you go to a fast food place and you get a bottled drink, that's insane. No, I like to get the soda straight from the geyser. Don't try to class it up. You're doing pig shit and be like a fucking animal. This is high class shit, though. You don't go to a 7-Eleven. You don't get it from a bottle. You don't get it from a fucking can.

Well, you don't want those microplastics. No, no. You want it straight from either a paper cup or styrofoam i prefer styrofoam straight from the chick-fil-a lean cup that they started making for some reason i love that chick-fil-a styrofoam cup those aren't styrofoam though that's like an annoying paper thing they do a new insulated sleeve thing i'm not mad about what's because their customers hands are so fat it melts all the ice immediately if they don't put their coke in a thermos yeah uh so what i do is i get a uh diet arnold palmer so that's on sweet tea and diet lemonade for you guys at home sure they call them sun joys there and then i get a large coke zero with ice and then i also get a large coke zero no ice okay

so as i'm drinking i can take my coke zero and refill and the other one doesn't have ice in it so i get way more and the ice doesn't melt and fuck it up by the time i get to it interesting and i like pouring a little bit of the lemonade and sweet tea together with the coke zero right you know what they call a diet arnold Palmer. It's a Sungjae Kim. That's very good. Thank you. That's for five people who watch. Well, and also his caddy might listen to the show, by the way. Yeah, he might.

He follows me on Instagram. Yeah, he shut out that guy. I forgot his name, but he's cool. He was a golf caddy. Wave God. Wave God. Willie Wilcox. Yeah, on Instagram.

He's fucking awesome. He was a golf caddy that was addicted to crack cocaine and shit. Oh, nice. Okay, cool. Wait, was he addicted to crack or was it something no no he was a guy on the pga tour who's crazy fucking good at golf and he had to quit because he got addicted to like oxycontin so he was on tour and for his nerves and stuff he was taking oxys and and all this crazy shit and like he literally legitimately like won pga tour tournaments and was like finishing top five like totally like blacked out on pills then going to the

next town and like playing people at like local courses for like a bunch of money like getting his ass beat he was like dude he was like Kingpin like you remember Woody Harrelson at the beginning of Kingpin like going from town to town but he's actually the best bowler in the nation but he's running like these weird little like like slip and fall

scams and yeah fucking old broads because they're his landlord that type of stuff which he is he might be the only interesting golfer to play golf in the last 20 years this guy yeah those are my favorite golfers it's him and tiger woods because tiger woods drunk drove and got his leg almost cut off and i didn't respect him until that moment and i said wow he really is salute as a guy who drunk drove 500 times, I respect that. A guy who somehow flipped his car 3,000 times but wasn't under the influence of anything. Yeah.

Supposedly. A guy who just hang out with David Spade and is not drunk driving home. Very believable. It's the only time people remember he's Asian. Yeah. Well, he also stole the car. So that's where they mix. That is where I guess you could play the race card if you're Tiger.

Like if someone starts questioning if you're like under the influence, he's like, no. He's like, you could get a big laugh in the press room being like, I'm a. You guys don't know. Wait, am I not? You're going to have to edit that out. You're adding work for yourself, buddy. Ben, you're never going to get SNL now. That's so funny.

The one word. Literally the one word. You could literally say the N word probably and we'd be okay. The one word somebody's got in trouble for in podcasting. And you're like, I can't say that. Does bleeping it out even work? Or do they just go,

no, he still said it. Me and Devin looked at each other and you just pulled your dick out. I thought I said it on the show

like four or five times. going on. Maybe it's like Chinese New Year or something, but I had to bleep John saying it out last week.

Really? Yeah. It's in the air. The slurs are in the air. Well, you don't know what slur I said. It's pretty obvious.

No, there's plenty. There's like four. It's like allergy season. You got that Chinese pollen in your nose. He's like, oh, don't come near me. I've been saying a lot of slurs. I don't want you to catch it.

What's funny is that you could have just done something, you know, respectable, like done an impression. Like, oh, I hate all of you. Stop talking to me. Stop talking to me. And that would have been beautiful and fun. No one has a problem with that, Ben. You can pull out Mein Kampf on the show and no one has a problem with that.

It might be the book. I've been holding the book too much. I think if you keep this book, it's going to turn into the Amityville horror for you impersonating Chinese people. You're going to walk out with your eyes taped back and your teeth forward and you're trying to kill uh katie with your buck teeth chop it a little bit yeah it's uh i'm trying to think it's house it's basically like house of leaves where i find

this book and then house of green tea leaves yeah oh there we go yeah i like that sorry what were you saying no i don't know just mine was that like their like bible like in court like do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, kill faggots and retards and every other race of people, so help you God? Ein. Ein. Ein.

Ein. Didn't they think of him as a savior? Who? Adolf Hitler. Yeah, I think. I mean, they would die for the guy, right? So it must have been a religious thing. I don't think they were like.

Did they think he was the incarnation of Jesus Christ? I don't think they treated him like he was just like, you know, they were Amazon employees. And they were like, you know, the big man. He's watching us. I think they really believe. My boss. Hey, boss, you know. I don't think they were like, well, I don't think they were like, well, you know, he's not a good dictator.

Pretty bad for the country. But he is killing all these Jews. So we got to go along with him. Well, I want to say, regardless, they don't know what slur I said. Sure. It could have been. And look, I already got to bleep him out. So let's just go ahead and name him real quick.

OK, let's just go ahead and name him real quick because they don't know how to cover my mouth so they can't read my lips. OK. It could have been. Yeah. It was. There you go. Hold on. It could have been Yeah It was There you go Hold on It could have been

Yeah yeah That's rough That's the worst one actually I don't know how The other one is worse It also could have been That's fine You know

That's easy That's literally an occupation Yeah I'm not Basketball player isn't a slur That's fine Exactly Yeah

I'm trying to think Of isn't a slur. That's fine. Exactly. Yeah. I'm trying to think of another one. Oh, it could have been a. I never understood why that's so bad either. Yeah. I think is it implies they're ugly. Or they're cute like the moon and romantic. Now they know what I said.

Now I can be trying in front of a jury of my peers. Hey, you're the one giving yourself two a days right now. What the hell? I want to be in Golden Globes someday. You're going to be in the editing bay texting us in three days being like, why did I do this? Yeah, whatever. And for best slurs in the bear, Ben Avery.

Ayo Edebiri. That's how I think I should get an agent Because they're like I mean they gotta make that call All the time with TV shows They're like we need a racist guy Who actually says slurs on television And he's known for saying slurs on television

And they go I had the perfect guy Right And you don't even have to pay him They bring you in like a closer Who can throw 103 Yeah They're like he's got one use He's got one

But god damn it There's only three of him in the world right now. He's got one pitch. One pitch. He's got one pitch. But it's coming in hot. He's put his soul into that slur. We call him Mariano Retarded. He went through his slurs so fast

they had to give him Tommy John in his neck. Blew his vocal cords right out. My walkout song is Erica. That's the German March song. i hate that you know that god i hate that you know the name of that everybody knows that yeah it has like 40 million hits on youtube because like i don't know if you guys are aware how many people literally everyone if everybody's making so much money on off of hitler in this country it's insane that's true and i'm i don't mean to sound like a libcuck, but people are using Hitler the way people use Jesus to make money in this country.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is true. I mean, think of how many people are making millions a year kind of like with Hitler in there. Hitler as basically like a mascot for whatever the fuck they're doing. And I'm not hating on anybody. You gotta feed your family.

Are you trying to recover from all the slurs you just said? This is your like, oh, do these scare you? Do they shock you? Do they shock you? Now half the comments are going to be calling me a cuck. The other half are going to literally be calling me a Nazi sympathizer. We're going to lose all our cuck and Nazi fans next week. And the only ones that will stay are the Nazi cuckolds.

The femme boy Nazis. The guys who dress up like foxes and squirrels and stuff. The centrist libs who are kind of like, I like woke stuff, but I also want to kill brown people all the time. You know that's a big thing is the femme boy Nazi movement. It's people that dress up like little maids, but they're neo-Nazis.

They have the little maid outfit and they're little skinny white guys and they're neo-nazis you know they have the little maid outfit and they're like little skinny like white guys and they're they're is this because being gay is too acceptable now so they still have to disappoint their parents somehow right so they become a femme boy nazi i think it's i've talked to people who have spent a lot of time on tour also known as the dark web for people who are you know vaguely following at home oh t-o-r yeah t-o-r yeah it's called oh i thought you meant yeah you're the only person who says on tour and they don't think of like the almond brothers band yeah like playing a concert i didn't even realize that i'm sorry yeah you say i'm capital t capital o i say i say are we going

on tour next month and you're like yeah i'm gonna look at a bunch of you know fucked i'm gonna watch ukrainian guy you know but had a child tour is basically a browser you can download that have dot onion links for anybody that doesn't know the show they know that you think they don't know that they got it they're watching it on tour right now yeah that's probably true we're probably i wonder if someone has talked about lemon party on the dark web at this point like i wonder if there is a thread of people calling us gay on tour at this point. I hope so. Yeah. But on tour, and I've talked to my friend who used to spend an inordinate amount of time on it.

And you should stay away from it, by the way, if you are using it. It's not good, you know, because you can click on a link that could put you in federal prison, you know, for a long time. Because you don't know what you're getting into there. But there's a huge crossover on the dark web between the homosexual community, the pedophilic community. Which is kind of the same thing, really. And the Nazi community.

And I think what it probably is from talking to him the trifecta yeah the holy trinity he's a triple triple threat yeah uh is basically if you're into something uh if you're in the gutters of society right you you're you're literally a guy who's a like an actual pedophile right you're already so subversive as a person and you're so far out there if you're if usually if you're like a nazi right if this is the stuff you're into you also you also peter travers review of a really like great comedy subversive and irreverent. I literally was thinking the same thing, but I was like, I've already made fun of too many things.

But that is insane to call pedophiles subversive. Like it's Alexander Payne. They're flipping it on its head, man. No, no, no. I should have used Nazis as the... Because Nazis will be like, well, I'll just get into pedophilia too, basically. So if people are weird little femboy trans guys

or they're Nazis already, then they start wearing dresses. It all kind of goes hand in hand. It's people that know they're already going to hell, so they're like, let's just do it all. I think it's kind of like, I don't know, man. Have you ever, like, 3 a.m., you're in the Jack in the Box drive-thru.

Become a Nazi. 3 a.m., become a gay pedophile Nazi. Is that what you're about to ask? Basically, if you go, you go, I already have like, you know, I have the,

fuck, I have the Jack in the Box tacos. I have this, I have that. I'll just add a fucking shake, too. Yeah. Who gives a fuck at this point? Let me go down to the deli

and, you know, my rifle. Hey, what the hell? It's cheat day. I think I'm gonna go push an old Jew. It kinda is the fat guy thing where it's like you're already a fucking neo-Nazi and then the fat guy thing is, well, what's one more

donut? And then in the grand scheme of things, if you're 300 pounds overweight, what is one more donut? It's evil name yeah that's the name of the episode that's you're a glutton you're being gluttonous yeah exactly yeah you are you're a glutton for ideas basically you just go just you shovel all the evil yeah which is funny because it means you know everything you're doing is bad. Because I feel like the people who are just in one thing, like they're a Nazi, they're like, no, I'm actually good because Jews are evil and we should destroy them. But if you're like, well, I'm a Nazi, that's really fucked up and I'm going to fuck kids now. That means you know you're like diving into the bad.

Like it's a self-aware life decision. Like you're at parties, you're like diving into like this like it's a self-aware life decision like you're at parties you're like yeah i mean i get it i'm a nazi you know i want to kill the jews but you know i'm a cool guy that's how fucking gay nazis are too is they i like i think nick fuentes the that guy he was you know he was the uh advisor for like kanye during his whole like uh sure thing yeah he was the manager for bipolar depression yeah he started i think i said this on the show the other day he was saying that um uh you should uh what's it called when you you should groom a woman you should groom a girl from a young age so you make sure that they're still a virgin by the time you get with them and it's like yeah you're just a weird like kid fucker yeah at that point if you're like no dude you

got a basic you have to actually pseudo be dating someone by when they're 12 i that's fucking weird i have a theory on this i think those guys are like would they hit it big it's like the saw movies like they hit it big with like being like oh Saw movies. They hit it big with being like, ooh, what if blacks suck? And everybody's like, whoa! And then they keep doing it. So by three or four years in, they're like, and Jewish people live in holes. And we're like, OK, you're the shock guy. I get that.

And you're like, fuck. And then you have to keep upping it. So now the Saw 10 movies are like, we put a key in a baby's head you gotta like like you know put take your balls and put the key out you're basically saying like at some point your your audience is this is this cadaver and you're trying to find a fucking vein yeah you're like i can't even find a goddamn vein anymore it's like yeah you guys are junkies yeah it's the shock version of like fucking injecting into like your your your femoral artery yeah that's why our product is really just weed you can't od on it you can take it to an it's not heroin like we're not playing with dangerous ideas over here what are we really

saying we're saying like poop pee yeah we're like 18 slurs but they're bleeps we're like 12 years old but we cuss but we know the cuss words we're like methadone we are parents figure out their kids are listening to us and they're like oh okay thank god alright I can live with the lemon party shit people are like I'm not really racist but god it's fun to say words

sometimes it's fun to talk out loud they're the guys who write us and go love how you say retard and i'm like well there's other many other words in the show and facets there really aren't though well well you know don't burst our bubble okay yeah i like to pretend i'm still creating art and not and not yeah doing a middle school locker room. But that's all the stuff. I just wanted to show you guys the Mind Comp thing. All that big conversation from a gift package. Yeah, and then we got a bunch of other stuff too.

But we got books. Last Evenings on Earth. Yeah, yeah, nice guy sent us that book. That's nice. We got a lot of good stuff, yeah. Nice guy sent us that book. That's nice. We got a lot of good stuff, man. A lot of good notes. I'll let you guys read after the show and stuff. There's Mind Comp again.

Forgot about that. Oh, yeah. So I was going to ask you guys. You actually. So he, the guy who gave me Mind Comp, he wanted me to put it in the studio. Yeah. On the desk. And he thought it would be a really great

I swear to God this is what he said it would be a great gag if when we had guests on the show it would be we should hand it to them at the beginning of the episode to see how they act what to give

it to any guests yeah yeah when we have guests on the show he thinks it'd be a funny gag that we hand it to the person when we start the episode we go hey look at that what do you think of that right and then we put it back on the desk yeah yeah that person i'm sure makes great first impressions i don't know uh yeah what the hell no i don't want i don't i don't like even looking at it's just i don't like i don't like that it's here, honestly. Imagine I call Santino and we have him on the show and then he sits down and I'm like, hey, look at that.

You're on Dave on FX. Take that, have fun with that. Get that on the camera that you're holding it. Yeah, just so they know they made a bad decision the minute we start recording. And they're counting down 59 minutes. Now, you should only have that on your bookshelf if you're running for president.

I kind of understand what you're saying, though. I kind of get what you mean. I guess maybe I'll just put it here. For now. Yeah, and then we'll immediately take it out. I guess what's funny, now on any clip, that's right behind my head, isn't it?

Yeah, no, there's no clips coming from this episode. What if as long as you have... You tell the clips guy to take the wig off. Hey, go fishing, bud. As long as you have MindConf in your home, you can't access any movie on TV. Yeah, it's a... Because the Jews put like a sensor in every movie. Yeah, they can tell.

Yeah. Anyway, he told me that if we did decide to sell it because, you know, it's a piece of evil within your own home. You're basically letting Satan in through your front door. How do you sell it? You go to like Facebook Marketplace. You meet a guy in a parking lot in front of a big lot. That would honestly be the best place to sell it. It would be like a firestorm.

You have people like bidding they're like i'll drive up from florida i'll come get it yeah it's like walter white like the first time he talks to the nazis and tries to have them do some work for him yeah yeah that's it's dean norris finding mind conf behind the toilet and reading it so many people to hh ben has some trouble to hh my whitest star what were you saying devon no no you have some trouble like in the during the transaction but you you call jace like hey jace i don't have a good feeling about this like like maybe come you know you tell jace don't come don't come don't come. Eddie comes anyway. Oh, fuck. I was, I mean, I also don't know if this is,

because people get, you know, people love the guy and they get really obsessed with him. Who, Walter White? Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler, yeah.

I went to an estate sale once. And the guy. He forced a lot of people to have those. He did. That he did. A lot of people to have those. He did. A lot of yard sales. A lot of realtors had a field day in Germany. Let me tell you what. Everything must go was his slogan.

He coined the phrase. He coined the phrase. Everyone must go. Yeah. Got a lot of shoes on sale. Size 9. Because they're tiny people. People become fixated with the guy. I told you guys once I went to an estate sale of a guy that died because I saw it had a

lot of books and typewriters. And I saw the nine typewriters immediately. And they were like, there was a cum all over them. They were like disgusting. They were missing keys. He didn't take care of them at all. And I didn't like it was a bunch of Remington's and stuff I didn't want. And then I was like, oh, look through the books at least and i went into his book room

no shit like 2 000 books and i kept i picked one up i was like oh this one's about nazi germany and i put it back and i picked up another one i'm like this one's about hitler i go well i must be in like the world war ii section maybe and i turned around i picked one up it was like hitler the book and i was like okay fuck i put it back i picked another one it's like hitler the play i'm like what the fuck i kept taking books out they were all about hitler because there's been like 10 000 books written about the guy yeah yeah more books written about hitler than like like anybody on the face of the earth oh yeah i know so people become fixated with the guy and they become obsessed with them even people that don't believe in his ideologies there's something

about hitler that people just they kind of like they become like obsessed with the guy and i think it's because you know he's he's this ultimate evil and i think if you become obsessed with this ultimate evil that you fix it on you can uh you think the evil in your own backyard is somewhat manageable because then you can't you can ignore the fact that there's not hitler's you know on your television set every day there's not hitler's running the country there's not you know there's people that uh would do the evil deeds that hitler would do in this country you know speak for yourself bub biden 2024 so uh the point being is like i don't want to like like this i don't want this to be like my first hit and then then you guys never see

me again, where I hold a copy of Mein Kampf two years later. I have a used car dealership, but for Mein Kampf, where I'm walking around a parking lot with a Mein Kampf in every parking spot, and some guy's looking at it. I'm like, would you see? Pretty nice, right? 1937. You're like, this is a 2004 2004 version that's when they added pictures this one's

it's written in Argentine which is ironic and funny you're going to like Yu-Gi-Oh battles for who's the most racist I walk over to one he's like what's this I'm like that's a Kindle there's only mine cuff on it I walk over to one. He's like, what's this? I'm like, that's a Kindle. There's only Minecraft on it.

He goes, nice. Is it the type that glows in the dark? And he goes, no. He goes, well, $900. Because I just fucking love Hitler. That's what's fucked up about it, too, is it's like, why is this book worth like $2,000? It should be worth, if something is evil, it has no value, right? Yet here we are, this book worth like two thousand dollars it should be worth if something is evil it has no value right yet here we are this book sitting beside me jesus i think the japanese cat tried to get away from the hitler but it committed suicide i thought i lost one of my coke zeros for a second

no no don't worry it's fine well what are we talking about it's worth a lot because it's it's regardless of how evil it is it's kind of like you said it's like people can't believe this even like existed and started everything and this one guy did all that but tell me riddle me tell me this why is a copy of my cop worth more than the holy bible you know what i mean because if you look at the world because it happened because there's proof okay here comes his Bill Maher because they have the receipts really okay

they only killed one Jew in that book okay does Bill Maher bring up Hitler a lot like on his show he seems like a guy that would bring it up as a point of contention no Bill Maher's too cowardly Hitler and Nazi Germany blah blah blah no he's too cowardly he's got Trump now

yeah too cowardly to bring up Hitler right I forgot guys used to talk about Hitler all the time everyone moved on you know to the game show host that said Beaner once

did he ever say Beaner no probably not I think he said Wetback once wait who Bill Maher no Trump no no Trump I'm trying to think of what slurs Trump has said.

Trump, there was the famous, they said he had the N-word on tape, but it was never found or anything. Damn, they couldn't get him on the N-word. Yeah, they never even got it, though. No, it's like an old, like an MF Doom tape that we'll never get. You could probably even get me on the N-word. I love that the tape was just, you put it in, and it's him looking in the camera, and then he just says it, and then the tape ends.

Dude, if they ever- Like he recorded it for posterity yeah if they ever find that it should be like that wu-tang record where they only made one of them yeah martin strelli bought it for like a million dollars yeah yeah he just he smokes weed and listens to it in his apartment before going to jail yeah method man is featured on it method man just go like yeah man thank you for finishing it man i wish if the cameras weren't rolling, I would have sang that song for hours. Yep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, man. Yeah. But I don't know how we get out of... Hey, you, get off my porch.

You don't know... Jesus. Oh, my God. What have we done to our lives? I know. What have we done? My baby boy. We're doing a Jew Tang Clan bit.

Protect your paycheck. You'll be funny now, by the way, as if every week someone says, Enter the 36 sewers. Okay, very good. Someone said something. I was watching something today about the tunnels, I thought, but maybe not.

I forget. You were just watching Takeen of Pelham 123. Taken of Pelham $123. And it's still John Travolta in the big round hat. Denzel's being like, all right, I get it. You can't work on Saturdays. I understand. Like, all right, I get it.

You can't work on Saturdays. I understand. Fucking. My friend Jake of Pandeo Time told me this. You know Jake? Yeah. He told me he just found out Nikki Haley is Indian. She's an Indian woman who bleaches her skin. Her name is Nimrata Randhawa.

Yeah, yeah. Her goal is to be the dumbest Indian person ever to make it far. Yeah. She has like no Indian traits whatsoever. Nikki Haley? Sounds like a fucking porn star. Yeah, it does really. It does. Or like a metal musician. And she's like legitimately retarded. Yeah, no, she is retarded. I've never listened

to her talk. Sometimes I see a quote from her. I'm like, Jesus, bitch is retarded. No, they kicked her out of the Indian community. Yeah, which is amazing. She had to become white. She had to become white. And yeah, the only people that believe somebody's that dumb are white people. Because she literally will get on the mic and be like, we need to get Indians out of this fucking country.

It's like your dad is a snake in a diaper. What are you talking about? You're the most Indian. You're more Indian than Vivek Ramaswamy who did you see did you see not to get political but he did right before there was like the iowa caucus which i guess is important yeah trump won it like in 20 minutes trump won it easily which you know he's the man um but vivek it was like 30 minutes before the caucus opened he just tweeted he goes uh um trans people aren't real you You can't become a woman.

Vote for me in the Iowa caucus. Wow. It's just some like desperate, like, you know, maybe this will get them. And then no votes. And then dropped out. Maybe Matt Walsh will retweet this. Oh, here it is. Look at this. She still doesn't look Indian.

No. Oh, wait. Where's that yearbook photo? Right there. I'm sure she's like half or kind of. Maybe she started whitewashing early. Yeah, she might have started using bleach early. She could have convinced

people she was like Paula Abdul's cousin or something. Right. Oh, yeah. Her parents were immigrants. They were Sikh parents from Amritsar, Punjab, India. Yeah. When you're fromitsar, Punjab, India. When you're from Punjab, that's really India. Well, she's an embarrassment to India and America.

Yeah. And her birth name was literally Nimarata Nikki Ramanata. Yeah. Her name is... Here, I'll get it up right here. Let's see here. Her name is like the fucking name game. Nimarata Nikki Rondwa.

Yeah, that's terrible. I wonder why she changed her name. Oh, yeah. And their parents went to Punjab Agricultural University. Her parents initially fought each other. It was a mongoose and a cobra and then they fell in love later on.

Yeah, she went to Rudyard Kipling High. She majored in the Jungle Book. By the way, I didn't realize a lot of the Indian people that you see, the husbands and wives, they are in arranged marriages, which I didn't realize. And a lot of them actually seem somewhat happy. Yeah. You wonder if anybody, if you're with someone long enough and you try to make it work you can you just yeah you just do it i wonder if the soulmate thing isn't real it ain't for indians you'd have to have souls first yeah they beat me to it gotta have souls before you got a mate uh yeah no i do i do kind of think it is they're like it works because we you know we don't we've pushed every emotion out

of our entire fucking body yeah i think it has a lot to do with the whole just like stoic yeah they're like i'm not sure of i was a person until i turned seven and then i turned into this robot that opens cigarette stores yeah i suppose it does does take a lot of the anxiety out of life that you basically, like your parents just go, here's pussy, fuck it. Yeah. Here's the pussy you fuck.

And it's the only one you're allowed to fuck. Dude, imagine you get like a really ugly bitch. I know. Like they set you up with like the Indian Will and Don. They set you up with Indian Don. Dude, a lot of the Indian bitches seem hot as shit, though, before they get to 40. Oh, there's a lot of

beautiful Indian women. I need me an Indian bitch that never leaves the kitchen. Do the men, like, do you even, like, care that much, though? Because they're all, like, they're wearing a bunch of shit.

Yeah. You know? You can't even, like, really see their tits. They always look like they just got back from a children's party and they, like,

didn't wipe the glitter off or whatever, the stickers and shit. They all look like a pile of laundry that's been sitting on a chair for too long I need me a fucking dude today I was like fuck I need an

Indian bitch because I always think it just landed on you landed on Caitlyn Jenner yeah who is kind of the Nikki Haley of trans people she also hates trans people like if I if I had to do it over like out of respect for my wife and it didn't like Nikki Haley of trans people. She also hates trans people. Like if I, if I had to do it over,

like out of respect for my wife and it, and it didn't like work out, you know, I would, I go Japanese or Indian. I'm kind of leaning towards Indian now where I would get, I need me an Indian bitch who just, she never leaves the kitchen and there's always just pots going. And that's her own decision.

I don't have to tell her to do that shit. It's, it's instinct. Can I tell you to her? Can I own decision. I don't have to tell her to do that shit. It's instinct to her. Butter chicken, chicken makhani, lamb korma, the whole thing. Somebody read a menu earlier today. I've been learning the names. I love Indian food, so sue me. Indian women are great.

I'd go with Japanese women. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't want to- Clean. She's not spitting on the counter to wipe at all. Like using, you know, like- Yeah. But Japanese women, can they cook? Because you go to a Japanese restaurant, it's just the men doing the work.

The women take the orders and they just have the pen and they look at you like they hate you. Mine'll cook. Yeah. Mine'll cook. I think Japanese women are very very and I've thought about this they're very good at packing these cute little lunches

that could be like the top thing on a Pinterest page or a Tumblr like they can pack like weird little candies and little sandwiches and stuff

and put that in and make a cool TikTok out of that it's very sterile and clean and you'll never get sick because they've worked at a radio factory

for years and they're used to just putting a little screw into like a box. They seem quicker, Japanese women. They seem more nimble. For sure. They seem as they age.

Like Indian women, when they start, they hit a certain age, they seem like when your grandma used to get off the chair and fart every time. They seem like they just kind of turn into that. There's a lot of row. I feel like Japanese women would maybe wear less clothes. It'd be like nicer to look at i've thought about this once the indian woman turns 40 you either fake her death or you just cheat on her but she still keeps cooking right i'm gonna be honest i think it yep i get your point i get your point i think an ind Indian woman would eat you alive, if I'm being honest.

Oh, you think that she'd have sass and stuff? I think she would have a lot of sass from all the Indian wives I've worked with in private security. I think she'd chase you out of the house with a big frying pan and a broom. The Indian wives are no good? No, they're just mean as hell. And they're just making everybody feel shitty about themselves. Are they mean as Armenians and stuff? They're Armenian guys that serve us or the Indian guys that serve us.

They're so kind. He always gives me a free Coke Zero. Yeah, because they're just happy they're not around their wives. Yeah. They're at work, which is their only peace. Whose name is Mercedes, but because they're banging a Mercedes Benz.

Yeah, they're happy they're at their job getting guns pulled on them instead of at home having their wife yell at them that they have not opened a seventh location while she glues another jewel

to a blanket that she wears. Armenian women, they get upset if their husband didn't open up another front deli that is not, they don't serve sandwiches

and no one there knows how to make a sandwich it's just a funnel money yeah it's called cocaine's deli yeah yeah there are so many fucking delis in glendale that are fake they make no sense no one there no you walk in and they it was a bunch of guys sitting at a table and they look at you like oh shit i forgot we are restaurant i guess i've done that before i walked into a coffee shop in Glendale, and it was five old guys who looked like Junior Soprano. And I go, can I get a coffee? They go, oh. And the guy just walks in the back

and just pours coffee out of their pot. They'll go to Starbucks and buy you a coffee and bring it back to you. Yeah, yeah, and they'll be like, it's a dollar. Whatever, get the hell out of here. Get out of here. We're playing cards. I think Indians look at women as so worthless.

They're like, the only way this bitch could have any value is if we put a goddamn rupee in her head. Cut a little slit right there and put a jewel in her head so I don't fucking cut her head off. Yeah, I got to give her some worth. Make her look like little Uzi Vert. I love that All My Friends Are Dead song. That's great.

That's a song, right? All my friends are dead. Put it to the head. I don't know. 2017 was a long time ago. We all came... That's the last rap song I listened to. And then the one with Kanye with the big suits.

Oh, the little pop. You're such a fucking hot... Yeah. That's a good one. Oh, and then I recently got into rapping again because of that SpongeBob drill rap, Glorb. That was cool. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what was cool, though? To be honest, SpongeBob drill rap, Glorb. That was cool. Yeah. Yeah. You know what was cool, though? To be honest, is the sons and daughters, like Americanized sons and daughters of Indian people. Because they went through such strict bullshit with their parents. They're like down for anything. Yeah. They'll joke about anything.

They're very, like, very cool. My favorite PGA Tour player is a guy like that. T-Gala. He's awesome. They're just, they're just like, they're like us on steroids.

They're awesome. It's kind of a similar childhood as us. Like, they escaped an internment camp of shitty parents. And now they're just like, yeah, I'm just,

I smoke weed. The pressure to, like, make it in something that sucks, that they didn't want to have to do. But they seem to also be successful.

Right. But not on a also be successful. Right. But not on a, they're not like trying to take over the world. That's because they were getting like whipped at seven, you know, for getting B's on a spelling test. Yeah, you're like six years old and you're being forced to take the SAT. Yeah.

You got like the fucking, like the Jackson's dad, but for like math. Yeah. I will say this. I would put Indian, I would rank Indian people up there with Mexicans in terms of being the happiest race.

Probably. Sheer happiness on your deathbed with a smile like, my life was good. That's because they think they're about to turn into a big cricket. And they're about to get cricket pussy, so they're happy. Is that what they think?

Yeah, they literally think... They're going to turn into a grasshopper yeah like like i guarantee there's one idea guy who's secretly into fucking bugs and he's trying to be like if i'm just shitty enough i can turn into a grasshopper in the next life and fuck bugs so they all jack off to bugs life yeah they see bugs life they're like fuck i want to fuck that big caterpillar he makes sure he steals he kills one cow during his lifetime just so he can come back as a little a little grasshopper they do believe that they believe that if you're if you're bad you go up and down and so they think it's actually very evil religion because they think poor people

were evil in a past life that's why they were burned born poor basically and then if you're you're you're evil while you're poor and you die you come back as like a dog and then if you're you're you're evil while you're poor and you die you come back as like a dog and then if you were an evil dog if you're like a pit bull you come back as like a bug and like further down and further down is there a is there a bottom to it or like eventually you're just an electron that sucks ass the bottom is is that you live in flint michigan yeah my goal is to come back bathed Yeah. Yeah.

My goal is to come back bathed. So if you're a real piece of shit, you come back as like a goat's asshole. Yeah, basically. Damn, that really sucks. Yeah. So you got to be good so you can come back with a peak, which is just a normal white guy to them. You come back as a goat's asshole, also known as Indian pussy. Very good. Very good. Well, it's actually normal to fuck goats in a lot of places and up till a certain point uh like good old american like farm boys would fuck goats and it like wasn't really a thing and so still some people

fuck goats in brazil for sex dolls yeah yeah they just use them as sex dolls they're like pocket pussies i i the more i've thought about it I don't really... I wouldn't do it myself. I don't have a problem with someone having sex with a goat. It's fucking retarded. It smells bad. No one's going to fuck it anyway. It's not hurting anybody. I don't have a problem with it.

Nah. I think if you do have sex with a goat, you should have your head chopped off. I think if they find you inside a goat, they should cut you and the goat's head off in the same swipe. So this is the thing. If you get caught fucking a goat, it's the death penalty. Yeah, okay. But then that makes it hotter.

Way hotter. You're taking goats into bathrooms at bars and fucking them, trying not to get caught. Taking a goat to Thailand. You're on a flight. Everyone's like, what the fuck is this?

The goat just buckled. Goat buckled into the chair. You see five guys who look like the bad guy from Toy Story 2 next to goats, buckled upside down into Southwest chairs. And you're like, God, I gotta go fuck those goats. It's my dog. You should. And that would be great because you could come up behind someone if you catch him fucking a goat and you have a big sword. Yeah.

Yeah. Chop their fucking head off as they bust. It's just because it's so- And they keep coming. Imagine looking at a goat's shitty, evil vending slot machine eyes that they have with their sideways pupils. Yeah, they're sideways. It's very strange.

Yeah, you look at it, you're like, that's evil, and you're like, I want to- it eats a tin can, and you're like, I'm going to stick my dick in its weird, smelly pussy. It's the closest you get to fucking Satan. Truly. Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're like related to witchcraft. Yeah, there's a weird, weird aspect to it.

So I think anybody who does that should be taken out because of what they're capable of. Yeah. I think kids can like fuck chickens and goats and stuff. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Like if you're 12 and you're just horny as shit, dude, what are you supposed to do? Like you live in the middle of fucking nowhere and like you know some fucking place that i don't know they even exist you're supposed to reference it you're supposed to molest whatever sibling is younger than you that's what you do if you live in nowhere in the middle

of nowhere if you live i i get what you're saying because you don't even have a sock to fuck i would rather you do not have a sock to fuck you don't have a pot to piss in or a sock to fuck. I would rather you do not have a sock to fuck. You don't have a pot to piss in or a sock to fuck. I would rather somebody fuck their sister than fuck a goat, if I'm being honest. At least that I like. Consensually. Yeah, consensually, of course. We're not freaks. We're not insane here.

Well, I'll say this. I think we should wrap up before we get banned off of YouTube because holy fucking shit. Yeah, I don't even know what we just did. We might have to review this in a dark room. I thought we were five minutes in. I'm like, this is, I've just been waiting. Like, what is going on tonight?

Yeah. It's the book. It's the book. It's evil. You started with the book and now it feels like I'm in the middle of Oliver Stone's JFK. It feels like I'm losing my mind. It feels like Jumanji a little bit, or like the Pagemaster or some crazy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not a great reference, Jumanji. Pagemaster, okay, though. Pagemaster is fine, yeah. I need to rewatch that. But I just realized that these- Can I tell you, that might have itching powder in it. My head is on fire right now. That might be an elaborate prank.

This is a good prank? I don't know if it's because it's Jewish. Oh, my God. There's a bunch of shit on it. There's a bunch of crap on the back. Is there really? Well, it's like all white looking on the back. Fuck.

God damn it. Holy fucking shit. This is the motherloom. What if it's just I put something Jewish on my head and it started melting my skin? Yeah. I started burning. It's like payback. Yeah.

Yeah. This is, I have never seen Ben Shapiro's merch up close. I just kind of realized that you can like flip it upside down like that. I wonder if they have it like this. They catch their cum when they're having gay sex in the tunnels. Well, it also is to ask for money and stuff. It's a good tipping jar. There's a lot of uses for it yeah you don't spill your

seed on the ground you can you can hold pennies in it that's the same reason they have the curls because they look like the rolls of quarters at the bank i like american jews that just do this hat thing yeah that's great i'm a i love american jews i love when american jew does that and they have like a new york yankees yeah i love jew. I also love Jews too. I don't know why. I just don't like the fucking the fucking you know. Yeah they start dressing like. Those over there ones.

Those ones cosplaying as sand people. Devinate hate watch pod. Jace's how drugs by jace i forgot to right after this i'm gonna record something to plug at the beginning because we should probably plug the houston and austin dates right up top maybe uh maybe we can do that next week who gives a shit yeah we have time lemon party dot life uh there's dates uh february 9th we're gonna be in Houston Texas live Lemon Party podcast we're gonna have

posters that you guys can get we're gonna have after and sign we'll hang out with you guys too maybe we'll go to a bar have some

non-alcoholic beers we're gonna have big lurch on the show guys special guest special guest Scarface the rapper who

ate his girlfriend on PCP we can maybe get Mike Jones actually talking about houston area rap yeah we get mike jones yeah he's probably not doing anything you know or we could get ari spears and say he's mike jones our fans won't know the difference that's true yeah i mean we literally just get any black person yeah that's true yeah they'd be like wow i can't believe they got kanye west on the show unbelievable Unbelievable. And it's Tracy Morgan.

Which, is there really a difference at this point? Well. From Tracy Morgan and Kanye. I mean, both are just like black guys who just say anti-Semitic shit. They both almost died in brutal car wrecks. There you go. There you go. But February 9th, Houston.

I forget the venue. I don't know how many tickets we can sell there we keep the ticket prices cheap by the way so you know

nobody is gatekeeped from the show and you guys support us on patreon.com slash lemon party and all that we appreciate it

we'll also have like other pieces of merch there I don't think shirts or hoodies but we'll have stickers keychains things like that and Jaceace at sad drawings by jace uh the clips channel we do live streams every wednesday do you guys have any other you guys want to take back anything you said on

this episode no you have all the work to do yeah you're gonna be you're gonna be in here like thelma shoemaker with a cigarette till the wee hours of the morning. Thank God we recorded this a week ahead of schedule so I could fly to Texas. We actually had to pre-record this because Jason's going to Texas. We already did an episode like 24 hours ago. Now we have to record two more. That's what happens if we do it two in a row.

Two days in a row. I didn't want to talk about the MindConf book we received. I just brought it upstairs and opened it immediately the second we started recording. But I didn't want to talk about the Mein Kampf book we received. I just brought it upstairs and opened it immediately the second we started recording. But I didn't want to talk about it. I opened it. I was like, these are the Glengarry lead. You know what's so funny is that at least when Shane said it, he was trying to do a character.

Yeah. Your character was Benjamin Avery. No, my character was Tiger Woods. No. I was doing Tiger being racist. You somehow make Tiger more racist. A billionaire golfer, you make him more racist. He is probably violently racist behind closed doors.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure by the end of his dad's life, he was hating him so much. So pissed off. He's going to petition to make golf balls black. He called the cops on Michael Jordan. He's very Republican. I do know yeah he hangs he plays the golf with trump all the time that was the best thing about the tucker carlson interview with uh john daly yeah he goes now you're you're a pariah in the in golf now do a lot of the guys

on tour they probably don't get along with your political beliefs do they and he goes no everybody everybody on tour they they love Trump. And Tucker Carlson goes, really? I find that hard to believe. And John Daly goes, no, everybody loves Trump that plays golf. He's like, you're telling me white faggots who make millions of dollars and were born rich love Donald Trump? They all across the board fucking love Trump.

Love him so much. I don't know what where tucker thought he was going i mean pro golfers are they're are mentally retarded i mean they're guys who go to yale and like get kicked out for you know you know raping like georgetown's dog one night because they did too many too much cocaine they keep uh john daly calls him daddy trump they keep calling daddy trump which is very funny because guys who really do love trump call refer to him as daddy trump as if like he has sex with them yeah well he gave himself colon cancer from diet coke so that makes sense and so will trump yeah would you guys suck

his dick by the way donald trump yeah would you suck his dick just for the story yeah and then i accuse him of rape and then you go gene carroll lynch that lady on him yeah i'd be on anderson cooper i go i mean rape is rather sexy go anderson like that anderson that's how she said it that's how she said it dude yeah she goes you're a fascinating person i love talking to you right after saying rape is sexy it's sexy it's about power anderson and i love to get raped every man i fucked is raped to me he's like whoa okay you literally see like you should have almost said like well it's 2017 so we're gonna pretend she's not fucking insane all right well uh i haven't we have nothing else to say i guess uh everything has been said

yeah we're gonna go throw I'm gonna throw that book into the street so we can do an episode for the main oh is this a Patreon? who knows we'll see how this next one goes I don't know if the one with 10 slurs is the main one I have the Mind Conf unboxing

like this NC17 YouTube channel what's up guys today Mind Conf unboxing like this NC-17 YouTube channel. What's up guys? Today I just bought the new Mind Conf at Best Buy. Just checking it out. You guys are banned book lib fags.

That's what you guys are. You guys are like one of banned books from school. It was so funny because you brought it out. You're like, it's Mind Conf

and I'm like, oh, that's ironic and kind of stupid and you go, no, it's from a guy who killed Jews. and i go oh that's much worse but i go it's fine he was a super soldier in the war yeah he was seven feet tall yeah yeah he was created in a lab by dr mangala the way i read about the guy i read all these articles about the guy he was like this you ever play skyrim you know the titans walk around with the big swinging club i don't i'm not i don't hate uh jews so i don't play skyrim

okay well i think we i think i don't know if this is the patreon or the regular but god bless everybody thank you for listening to lemon party we'll we'll see you guys over on the Patreon. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl Nighttime would find me in Rose's Cantina Music would play and Paulina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Paulina I was in love but it