lemonparty - 067: The Liker

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Austin 2/7 sold out Houston 2/9 Ft Worth 2/11 Tickets: https://www.lemonparty.life Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is disrespectful. He is a fat retard. Do not call him a big fat retard. I'll titty fuck jumbo yum yums. I like my bitches. Red bone ass fat jello. Lemon party is kicking ass. Oh make the deal i thought you said you had your girl on the light wheel always in my face like i'm anxious about flying but i'm not spiking i'm not sweating i'm not shaking i'm not gripping the seat in front of me like i feel pretty right okay hey speaking of flying to Texas by the way if you haven't got your tickets yet I think Austin is sold out this is gonna come out on a Tuesday that's right which means the day after that we're gonna be at

Austin I believe it's sold out as of right now if it's not sold out there's maybe like one or two tickets left so check to see but if not we've got the Houston tickets uh two days after and then two days after that we're gonna be doing the Fort Worth show where we're going to be watching the Super Bowl. Yeah. So Friday, that venue is going to be fun in Houston. And we still have tickets left for that. Yeah, that'll be fun. That's Friday.

That's February. We're going to have a lot of local rappers open the show. It'll be great. Rappers, human traffickers, the Houston double. We booked Big Lurch is going to eat his girlfriend on stage before we start recording. And by the way, for all these shows, guys, all handicap seating is full. Let's get that out there. Yeah, we've filled up handicap.

We've filled up the double wide seats they sell like three of. A few people were messaging me saying they were attaching jet packs to their wheelchairs and they were going to fly right there. Yeah, a couple people were sending the venues pictures of Kevin Smith from 2012 and they said, can this guy sit in the chairs? They said that he can't. Stop doing that. You will be tasered at the door a lot of our fans gonna be on a Southwest flight full of eight people because they're all taking up

imagine they all hit the airport at the same time walking out like Monsters Inc when they're all walking towards the doors and slow-mo just guy a guy walking on his hands with no feet big

did I hope I hope we go to the show and there's a guy A guy walking on his hands with no feet. Big. Dude, I hope we go to the show and there's a guy who looks like those Mexican werewolf children. Oh, yeah. Ripley's Believe It or Not. There's going to be people we think are Wolverine, but they just haven't cut their nails. Yeah, there's going to be the Indian guy with the nails in the bag. He's going to be at the show. I'm honestly excited to see what freak show.

I can't wait to just walk out and look at everybody, just scan the crowd. And lemonparty.life for the live dates. There's a button that says live dates. You click on that and it'll take you to it. Lemonparty.life is the website. You can get tickets. I think all the shows might sell out, which is pretty cool because i didn't know if like two people were going to

come and then on march 23rd we're doing a live podcast in la which should be really fun yeah and that's first come first served i think the venue only fits like 100 people so you need to get there early that'll be interesting yeah that's i told you guys it's it's first come first serve tickets so i think the ticket line will become like when they try to hand out rice in Uganda. And General Buck naked shows up with a big sword and starts swiping people's hands off. We might get Joey really fucked up and bring him on stage to call Chase Bank. And make some threats. We'll bring him on stage like King Kong, like with chains tied to him.

If you're not, ladies and gentlemen, those are tin-style chains. He just pulls his phone out, gets on speaker. He's like, would hate to be in Times Square today. Tick, tick, tick. That'd be great if he sold out the MetLife Stadium or something. It's just Joey at a desk just like with a rotary phone

just calling people and threatening to kill them. Just calling. Just selling out like 40,000 seats. Yeah. Calling a cop that looks like fucking Paul Walter Hauser. Just being like TikTok Mr. Policeman. TikTok. He calls it a bomb threat

to his own show. Yeah. It's going gonna be a fun time We're selling posters and merch And all that shit At the shows I got a little chip reader today So you guys can pay With your mom's credit card that you bring to the show

Guys Guys showing up with credit cards that have scratch marks in them from when they stole them. Yeah, handing us Monopoly money. And some people don't want to go to the Fort Worth show because it's during the Super Bowl and you're going to watch the last half of the game with us. But the game's going to be a blowout

and it's going to be boring and you're going to have your putt in your paw on the couch at your girlfriend's mom's place or wherever you went to have a not fun time. We asked the venue to pull it up and stuff. They're going to be playing it behind us. Yeah, we'll be watching it too. We can all watch. And it's going to stink like

every Super Bowl. It's going to be boring. It's going to be terrible. It's going to be Taylor Swift, but we can call him gay and retarded. That'll make it fun. Come on. It's an Andy Reid Super Bowl. You don't think we'll have some jokes? Look at that fat fuck. Come on. It's going to be great. We just will ask the venue to just pause it on him.

Not even watch the game. Yeah. Yeah. Andy. There's like an Andy Reid impersonator on cameo and he makes a fucking killing. Yeah. This is a beautiful country. Because just barstool guys are like they're buying cameos where it's like, dude, I thought that was actually

Andy Reid for a second, wishing me happy birthday. And everyone that asks him for a cameo are all Andy Reid's kids that he doesn't speak to. Just pretend to be my father, please. Can you say a word to me that isn't about an offensive scheme? Say you'll be home tonight. Just

say you're going to hang with me tonight. Someone said he had a gay son that committed suicide they've all died he ate all the food they all starved to death they starved to death yep they ate their mom and then died they were so hungry they became

homosexual yes they were so hungry they're gay they were so hungry they started eating men's asses that's how hungry they were you know whenever you see Andy Reid has that headset on, it's just so the guys up top can tell him another kid died. He goes, what? He killed himself. Okay, that's the sixth one.

The big sheet is the list of his children's vitals from that day. Seeing how close they are to eating the last piece of bone marrow in their body. Those headsets are weird because it's like for three guys. It's for guys that fly helicopters. It's for Andy Reid and then people that work in the fast food drive-thrus. Yeah. This is only three people. And Andy Reid looks like all three.

He could be any three. And he's ordering food. Yeah. He's ordering the entire day. I run a number seven with a large Coke, waffle fries. Patrick Holmes is like, what? Waffle fries? Not you, dumbass.

Now get your black dad out of the stadium and your gay rapist brother. Your really black dad's making everyone in Kansas City uncomfortable. Your really black dad, everybody likes way more than you. Taylor Swift just Emmett-tailed your father. And your brother just raped my last kid. So people can't get mad at Travis Kelsey for saying the N-word soft A on Twitter? Does he have a black dad? No, no.

That's Patrick Mahomes. Oh, okay. I don't know who anyone is. Patrick Mahomes has a very black dad. Yeah. Travis Kelsey was pretending that he has a black father. Patrick Mahomes' dad is like Charleston White. Yeah.

I don't know if you know that guy, but I don't really know why he's famous, but he's just on the internet all the time being interviewed, and he's like, gay people look disgusting. Oh, I know that guy. He looks like fat Morgan Freeman. No, he's on the internet all the time being interviewed and he's like, gay people look disgusting. Oh, I know that guy. He looks like fat Morgan Freeman. No, he's skinny. He's super skinny. Oh, okay. And I don't know what he did,

but he just talks shit about women and gays. Like a Dr. Umar type? Kind of, yeah. See, that's the thing is that in the black community, there can be guys that are just really homophobic and racist and stuff. And it's like everyone just goes like it's funny. They go he's

a professor. They go what do you want? He has a doctor in front of it. Yeah. Could you imagine being an alt-right guy with doctors in front of your name? That'd be terrible. You'd be kicked off of everything. Yeah. Yeah. It's like no it's it's doctor do. But those those guys have a beautiful

job. Their jobs are for dads to be able to send their videos to their sons and be like see this black gentleman said that uh queer should be killed with trucks so here's the thing too i think it's also okay because like if those close that door emma's being weird and the baby's crying emma's uh eating her own pussy in the hall and the baby's screaming shut that the baby's been screaming all i eating her own pussy in the hallway. And the baby's screaming. Shut that door. The baby's been screaming all... I came over and she was laying in her own shit. We're putting her on a diet. She's way too fat. Yeah, she's

pretty big. She's getting so big she looks Chinese now. You guys are raising her like a family in Palmdale. She's on the Palmdale diet. Yeah, it's the... It's the Rad Milk family. Dad's out back with his samurai sword. Waving his sword around.

And the cops are coming and he keeps saying it. Imagine, yeah, that's so funny. Like the wife asking, like, what were his last words? Like, well, I can't say it. The other officer can, but not me. For anyone who wasn't following that we knew a guy who shouted the n-word a bunch waving a sword at a black cop and the black cop shot him that's right but he was doing suicide by cop this is a person we actually knew who we had

in our home he was i've been to dinner with him and he was killed by the state for being really cool it's a goddamn shame no he did a bunch of drugs and lost his mind that's what happens when you move to palmdale, though. Yeah. That's kind of... Yeah. It's like The Shining was a city. You get a mansion, but you live on Mars, basically.

You live on the surface of the sun, and you slowly turn into a big, druggy lizard that screams in words and gets... The house next door is just full of chickens. It's one of those places. Neighbor to the left of donkeys. It's just chickens. It's just chickens. Chickens and of those places. Neighbor to the left of donkeys. Just chickens. Chickens and donkeys and you.

It's kind of like moving to where Courage the Cowardly Dog lives in the cartoon. And they break in every night with guns. You just look outside and you see a dog go That's him saying the N-word. He's getting shot at by

cops. Your neighbor is literally one chicken. Yeah. Like you see him like doing the dishes. Yeah. Just wave. And you go keep an eye on him. We like chickens, just not fried chickens around those parts. Yeah, like a Farsaker.

Yeah. That's a chicken changing the oil in his car. Yeah. Yeah. You see the rat on their neck. You go, that's a chicken changing the oil in his car. Yeah. Yeah. You see the rat on their neck. You go, that's a blood. Stay clear. Stay clear, Eunice.

My big son, Eunice. Did you guys see Ron DeSantis shared this cop? Do I have the cop behind me on the screen? Yeah, you do. Didn't this retard die like driving the wrong way on the highway? Yeah. Ron DeSantis goes, our hearts go out to the family of trooper Zachary Fink, who was killed in the line of duty

while attempting to detain a fleeing felon in St. Lucie County. Yeah. We're praying for the Fink family and the entire FHP community. He goes, unfortunately, Whataburger had closed five minutes prior. It would have been pointless for him to have even gone.

Everyone complains about the DEI thing where they're like, oh, we're going to hire people with Down syndrome now. It's like, we already have. They're all over. Yeah, yeah. That guy's mouth is so small, he has a Hitler mustache.

That looks like the male version of... That looks like the male version of that female cop that fucked everybody in the force. Oh, yeah. She fucked like seven people. Yeah, yeah. She looked like she was like the male version of that female cop that fucked everybody in the forest. Oh, yeah. She fucked like seven people. Yeah. Yeah. She looked like she was like 12 years old.

I don't know what's going on. Well, this young man, what happened was he was killed in the line of duty, but it's because he was going the wrong way on the highway. And apparently- Really? Yes. And he killed someone else. He killed a truck driver.

Yeah. Jesus. He was trying to eat nacho cheese with his gun. Drove the wrong way. He was dipping his gun into a big bottle of Tostitos nacho cheese. Firing it. Deep-throating his 9mm. Yeah.

R.I.P. Yeah, this guy looks like he turns into a lazy eye to take a photo. God, he sucks. R.I.P. Rest guy looks like he turns into a lazy eye to take a photo. God, he sucks. R.I.P. Rest in piss, bozo. Rest in piss. Dude, you know he's sucking his stomach so hard he just broke two of his ribs. He's pushing it in with his hands.

Everyone's like, he drove the wrong way on the highway and killed a truck driver. Oh, yeah, dude. Everybody knows what he did. And DeSantis is calling him a hero Yeah God that rules He's a hero dude I just

I love I love that a cop In Florida somewhere Drove the wrong way On the highway And because of that Two cops are gonna go Kill a black guy tonight

Right Just be like We gotta avenge our own We're like you know If he could've seen better That night If it wasn't for that Black night

We gotta The night's gonna They're shooting at the sky Shooting at the sky Yeah If he could have seen better that night if it wasn't for that black night. We got the night school. They're shooting at the sky. Yeah. Yeah. They're trying to kill all these white stars. Looks like the moon's wearing a hoodie tonight. It's so funny, too, because I got like change the way I look at the world

because in my head I see this guy and I go that's a 35 year old man and then I think it takes me several minutes and I go

that's a 16 year old boy yeah he looks like a child he looks like a child he looks like a child that is a pedophile he rapes himself yeah he looks like

he asks another girl of age out on a date and they arrest him. Every cop is just a Paul Walter Hauser guy driving the wrong way on the freeway. By the way, I think I'm going to follow that guy on Instagram. Paul Walter Hauser?

Yeah, he keeps posting these I Am Second videos. You know what the I am second thing is in Christianity yeah he's like a Christian guy right it's the stuff like Tim Tebow would do back in the day

where it's like I am second God is first Jesus is first minorities are third right yeah they let Patrick Mahomes do it

it's like I am third for you yeah but Patrick Mahomes is like I'm two and a half. My dad is four. Minorities and then blacks. For anybody that doesn't know what Christians are like in the South, the reason that they get off to the I am second thing

is because they love talking about how they are a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not first. Lord knows I'm not first. I second i got four rules and i got this god then my family then my truck then me then black people then the buckies and they don't they always and those are the only things that exist those are the only things that i can think of ever and he goes i have these by the way i have these morals i do not live by any of them at all i'm a huge piece of shit to everyone in my life because that's the end of the day that's what they all i the amount of guys we all are to really of course but

of course we're not walking around. Yeah. Pretending that goat fuckers had a God that was real. We're not making up these stupid fairy tales for retarded guys who look like that. Yeah. I'll look at anybody and be like, no, I come before my kid and my wife. Yeah. I'm like, I come first.

Here's I got I got order. It's me. Myself. Me when I get really scared. Me when I get really angry. Me when I get really angry. My girlfriend. And then black people. Still the same list.

Still the same list. Way down there. Yeah, but we're not like, the amount of people I knew in church who were like, it's God, it's your family, and then you. And then you'd see them at the potluck like just slap the shit out of their kid.

Oh yeah, all kidding aside, these were people that always put themselves first above above everyone like really the most selfish people i've ever seen yeah and then so they love these i am second videos where they sit in like a little black box room and just talk about you know how great christ is but you can't ever talk about how great christ is because these are the most selfish people ever. They always have to talk about how they suck. It's not even about Jesus, the whole thing. Otherwise, it would be called Jesus is number one.

But it's not. That's a great point. But it isn't. It's fucking, it's I. It's fucking, it's always I. It really, really, I don't know if it's just because dad was in town, but it's just, it really is. No, no, no. You've got a rage coursing through you.

It's very egotistical. But like it goes, the magical man. And then me, Rufus. It goes, the son of God. And then Rufus. And then the son of Ralph. But I'm almost there. But I'm almost there.

I'm nipping at his heels, brother. I'm coming for you, Jesus. You know, it's MJ. I'm almost there. But I'm almost there. I'm nipping at his heels, brother. I'm coming for you, Jesus. You know, it's MJ. I'm LeBron. I'm coming for your records, motherfucker. So what? I was a bad player, a bad teammate. I've been a year, a week, 20 years.

I ain't even a Jew. Yeah. It's very fun. I mean, I don't know know i just love that these people are becoming like they're like too fat to like they're all gonna i posted on twitter this video like like everybody's becoming so fat they're just dying the way bugs do they're drowning in puddles they're falling in nets yeah they're just walking into lights and exploding did you they're walking into a Kreme sign and trying to eat it. Just getting zapped.

Did you see this video? Oh, yeah, I think I did. Oh, this guy playing Topgolf. Okay, first off, how did he get up there? Like, how was he allowed on the second floor? Yeah, so there are two levels, but you are right. They should have known this was going to happen. he walked across the net and got stuck in it no no so a lot of people when they're really fat and they try to play golf they swing and you know

how there's a follow-through they the inertia of their body rotating they fell forward right and they fell off of the top golf and into a net that prevents you from killing yourself wow but the thing what they didn't plan on is that some people are so fat they fall off and then they can't get they can't get that watch it move i mean the net is cutting through his skin oh by the way jace it's kind of dude it's cutting through him like that resident evil trap dude so Resident Evil trap. Dude, so here's the... Oh, my God. The lasers with all the squares. Have you ever seen a video where, like, someone catches, like, a really big, like, shark or something

and they just can't get out? Can't get out. Dude, it looks like Warthog season. And is that the person... Is that a typo or is that on purpose? Holy shot. Or is that just a retarded person? I think...

I hope that's a retarded person, not somebody trying to do a really shitty. This is a top golf in Arkansas. So Lord only knows. But Vandal pointed out to me, actually, because he made a joke and said she and I look closer. It is a woman. Yeah. No, there's a nice rump like it does. It looks like a cartoon like ham.

Well, that's what they told. They run the dinner bell and they go, Supper's up, boys. Have at her. Have at her, boys. They're shoving golf clubs up her pussy and shit. Oh, my God. I could look at that all day.

It makes me really happy. It's really nice to look at. Top golf really is for people too poor to go on the Burt Kreischer cruise. Yeah. But they still want to spend all their monies being drunk and eating shitty nachos. Did they get her out? I think she's still there to this day. They walked up and shot her.

They finished her off. From below. There was a guy. This happened so much. A guy walked up with a gun on a stick. Yeah. And held it up to her head. But it never penetrates into any of the organs.

So they just keep firing away. What they have to do like that cop is they have to dip it in honey and then they hold it up. Yeah. They'll gum it. Yeah. And then they blow their brains out. They put dynamite in her mouth like an apple.

They finally just have to blow her up. If I'm on the ground below, there's no way I'm not accidentally popping one up and hitting her right in the face. Sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, I would cork a drive right into her gullet. I would stand right under her and just start throwing golf balls at her head. I mean, she's not even making an attempt to try

and stand back up and get out of there. Look at her finger. That's it. That's all she's giving. It's unbelievable. It's actually infuriating. That's the thing that makes me mad is how bad she is about being in the net. Yes. She doesn't even care. She's like, well, I guess this is it. Well, I guess I should be killed this way.

That's the giveaway. It's a woman. If it was a man, he would have... A man would have just rolled. A man would have thought it's smart if he just rolled out. Yeah. If he kept rolling or something. Or a guy in Arkansas would have pulled out a pocket knife and started cutting through the net.

And they would have all been screaming, no, no, no, stop, stop. Yeah, and he would have landed on the pocket knife. No, you should. There's a guy, like right after this video cut, a guy climbed up a ladder and sliced her belly open and a bunch of candy fell out. And everyone just started running over. I mean, if this happens at Topgolf, everyone should be allowed to hit at you. Yeah.

If this happens at Topgolf, you should be, like, deported. Yeah, they should just cut the... You lose your citizenship. You should lose your citizenship. I mean, what are we... Like, there's a lot of people coming in here that want to work.

Look at this fat retard at Topgolf in a net. In a net. The way a bug would get caught. Like a fucking bug. I hate her and I hate everyone there. Dude, she is she's moving like when a bug gets in a spider web. She's doing that same type of. It's unbelievable.

She's dying like a moth. Yeah, like that Joe Pesci and Casino type arm movement. God, she sucks ass. Does she have a name tag on? Is she an employee? I don't know. Maybe she's just so retarded they have to put that on her. And I guarantee you this person is like, brother, I'm second.

I am not first, bro. I'm second. Brother, I'm second. It's me, Jesus, then the net. And she's giving her testimony that weekend. Well, she's not because women can't speak in church. But if she was a guy, she'd be like, that net's like God. It saved me from falling on my fat neck.

And snapping it. Imagine going to the ER and being treated for injuries for being caught in a net. I know. Like you were hunted on an island. I was in purgatory once. It was the net on the second floor, Topgolf. You know, there's another fisherman and that's the net at Topgolf.

And they said, Jesus said to them, you will be fishers of men, much like I was a fish in a net at the Tuscaloosa Topgolf. And yes, I did. Before that, I swung the club and broke both of my arms

just swinging it. That is crap. Are these people getting fucking stuck in the chute at a bowling alley too where the bowling ball comes out? I don't know to what end. Do these people go to aquariums

and fall in and drown? I think they go I think they like go through revolving doors and get cut in half somehow just snaps them in twine they can't handle anything no no not at all they're

getting killed by escalators probably they're falling down elevator shafts they're getting killed by the x-ray machine at the airport when they go to an aquarium the manatees

look at them the manatees pull airport. When they go to an aquarium, the manatees look at them. The manatees pull out cameras and they go up to the glass. And then the security starts yelling at the manatees, no photography! And then, because they take a picture, the retarded guy just runs at the glass and just snaps his neck. And just bleeds out. Yeah.

Manatees are just like, ooh. The manatees are trying to feed him. Yeah. Ooh. The manatees start throwing fish at him. They're like, what the fuck? feed them. The manatees start throwing fish at them. They catch it in their mouths. God, that rules.

Yeah, they're trying to fuck the glass. They think it's one of them got out and it's in heat. God, look at her go. I've been watching it all day. Is there a full version? Do they have the rescue? That's the thing.

The best stuff's actually just on Facebook. I'm thinking about getting back on. Facebook's awesome. There's the only place where people are named Lynn C. Look at that. Lynn C. Province. That's where the good shit is. That's where they are.

And then that really good shit is on YouTube, but only for like two hours. Like that guy that beheaded his dad. Yeah, I never, I didn't see that. I just heard about it. Yeah, I saw the guy. I didn't see the dad's hat. I didn't go looking for it.

A lot of people are saying it's fake news. It's a fake head. It looked real to me. Yeah, it's fake news. Guy cutting a guy's head off. Well, he's holding it up in like one. I think he went to like PetSmart to get one of those bags. You take a goldfish home in. And then you just like cut his dad's out off and put

it in that and then held it up in water like twist it up yeah and then he just like held it up and then made a lot of great points about like the border and immigration and stuff i was like huh interesting yeah i heard he sounded pretty pretty normal he's pretty cogent yeah he's pretty good is there any footage of him just talking, or is it all gone? No, no, no. A lot of people sent me a ton of files about it that I didn't download from Dropbox links and stuff. I love that you get sent files, like you're investigating the Kennedy assassination.

Did he film himself chopping his dad's head off? No, he just pulled it up on a live stream. Interesting. And he killed him because he's a cuck. It's funny to kill your father in a Muslim extremist way, though. And he's just a white guy. Yeah. They have a lot of influence.

He wanted to make a point. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a clip on Twitter the other day. I was kind of shocked by it. It was a guy, just like an old guy, walking into his son's room, and he points the gun at him. I couldn't believe that video.

I couldn't believe I actually saw that. I couldn't believe I was allowed to watch that. What are you talking about? It was this old guy. I'm surprised you didn't film it, honestly. It was an old guy walks into his son's bedroom, and he goes, I'll kill you, motherfucker. And you see down the barrel and this is like yeah and then he goes and then the hallway

follows him you see him lift the gun up and you see the flash fires it and then you see blood start falling on the floor and then the kid is like the most casual most casual person I've ever seen almost being killed and then just like slowly walks downstairs and like runs out back I read that the dad ended up killing himself oh later that day and then they called the cops

so you know they moved right on good that's fantastic yeah i love that uh i love this goddamn country yeah i love that we are in a state where you can just film any retarded thing happening love how casual that was for that family like Like, that was just, like, a little mild blow-up. Oh, you know the mom called her, like, sister, and she's like, well, he finally did it. The mom, the best part? Shot Brian's cock off. The best part was the mom going like,

oh, my God, Davey, you're going to jail. She just shot her son. You said, bitch, I can't get your social security no more. I can't play that one, right? Jackass. Probably. What? Fucking gay Elon, who's a cuck, took down the video of the guy cutting his dad's head off. What a cuck.

God, your DMs are just like fucking inside of Rikers Island. So here's one. This guy sent me files for a cat box. Let me just... He shows it in the first 10 seconds so don't yeah i don't want to i don't want to see that one fuck yeah i suck at copy and paste on this pc hold on so he um did he got arrested or did they like give him a medal did they got you are helping out uh this country and he's It's so funny to kill you.

Because a lot of people do like... They sort of just talk the talk, you know? He walked it. He literally cut his dad's head off because he said he was like a cuck. Yeah. Like a political... He was a dim. Yeah.

He was a damn lib. And he cut his head off. Yeah. Because he truly thinks his father's bad for the country. Yeah. And worked up in some high up government off. Yeah. Because he truly thinks his father's bad for the country. Yeah. And worked up in some high up government position. Yeah. And if he actually thought his dad was evil, he goes, well, my job is to eradicate evil

from the world. And that way I make the world a better place. Can you imagine? He's not just trying to get followers or like start a podcast or anything. No, he actually fucking cut his head off. He really believes it. He really believes like that. It's for the love of the game.

Yeah, imagine just watching Morning Joe, and then all of a sudden you feel a knife on your neck. Just because you put on your I'm with her shirt that morning. Your pussy hat. Yeah, and your last view is your son just cutting your fucking head off. Smiling. You're tweeting drumpf, and then before before you know it your head's in a bag you turn to your son at breakfast and you go oh not without michael pfeffi then he crawls over the table and

stabs you in the neck and starts fucking just sawing through your head jesus christ that is actually horrifying it is uh it's. We're in a terrifying place. The way that people die is very horrifying. You read about it and that really did happen to somebody. The funniest thing is that that video was on YouTube for six hours and we've had videos be taken down in ten minutes. I saw somebody posted to live and die in LA on YouTube and it got taken down within three hours. I was so mad. Yeah.

Guy's head, you know. They care more about copyright than beheading your father. That's true. It is the Disney Corp. Yeah, this link this person sent me is actually malware they wanted me to download. Oh, that's great. Thanks a lot. Fuck you, you piece of shit.

Yeah. I just love your fucking, your DMs are like Vietnam. There's like little, if you step in this hole, there'll be like spikes that stab you and snakes and stuff. It looks like a maximum security prison communicating with each other. Yeah, Ben's DM should be swung down a hallway on a piece of paper with rope. Severed head video is here. Warning, this link may be unsafe. Oh, thank you, Twitter.

We get it, Twitter. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Well, it could be the head, so you might have some editing to do. Shout out to, who sent me this? Shout out to Brian Caulfield. Oh, you got sent it by the guy who cut his dad's head off. That's the guy, yeah. I wonder if this will actually work.

It's CatBox. What is CatBox? I don't know. It's the new streamer. I'm guessing it's like Dropbox, but it's racist. For pedophiles? Yeah. It's Rumble for beheadings. It's for minor attracted persons.

Maps. We call each other maps. Oh, here we go. It's actually... Okay, so... Well, he's gonna pull it out. So before he shows the head, let me just skip a rooney. All right, I'm looking away in case there is the head.

Does he have the head? I hope this becomes a trend onok where it's like instead of water talk it's yeah your dad's head off yeah it's the i the the als ice challenge yeah welcome back guys i'm doing the kill your parents challenge the parasite challenge uh i wonder if it's actually cat box sucks man this shit's slow. Yeah. Yeah. Nice room. I expected more from a streamer where you could show a beheaded guy. He looks pretty normal. You know what's... Yeah, he made his bed. That was the first thing I noticed.

Yeah. I haven't made my bed in, like, 30 years. He looks like he'll confront you about the Discord in Austin. Rotting from... Can we talk about that, or should we skip over it? go ahead go ahead some people apparently can we we can really talk about it it's like i don't know i don't know someone emailed me that there's people that are going to confront me and often about like people are trying to do a january 6th for our discord before Before the Discord or something.

They're going to confront me, I guess, about it. I don't know. There's like a mutiny in the Discord. I got to confess to you, I couldn't... If you asked me to log into the Discord, I wouldn't be able to. I don't know what it is. I don't know where it is. Yeah, I haven't checked it in a long, long time.

I think there's some good people in there and they're having a lot of fun, but there is some infighting. They need to figure it out. Sure, yeah. Well, there's some good people in the IDF, having a lot of fun, but there is some infighting. They need to figure it out. Sure. Yeah. Well, there's some good people in the IDF, you know, but most of them are blowing kids' heads off. From the inside out, as far left, woke mobs rampage our one. Yeah, you know, this just won't load. I can almost see him being an asset just from how, like, how do you be that well maintained, like clean, well presentable.

Yeah. And like still cut your dad's head off is very weird yeah it is also funny to make a big point about like how the morals of our country are going downhill due to the woke mob on the left and but you're beheading your father i know like you're watching the andy griffith show and you turn to your dad's corpse you go man that was a that was a time for this country and then you fuck your dad's head you cut off you go man I just wish we were like Mayberry yeah exactly

the good old days while you come out of the bottom of your dad's neck that's missing remember the good old days when I didn't have to come into your severed head dad but you did this dad you did this, dad. You did this by being gay online. By being an annoying old fag guy. Every morning he would walk around singing,

this is my fight song. It was just that final pink song. Send him over the edge. Well, this streamer sucks. Yeah, it might be my Wi-Fi, too. My Wi-Fi's been going out around this time, and then it goes out around 9.30 in the morning. Is it because this is usually when you're looking at weird guys

getting their heads cut off? It's buffering a little bit. Yeah, I might be. I don't know. Maybe I'm being like, my phones are tapped and stuff. I don't know. Prosperous cities turning them into lawless zones. Taxpayer dollars are printed and used for anything but the taxpayers with little to no accountability which is yeah

i mean he is spitting honestly yeah some great yeah hold up let him cook yo yo yo it's kill tony we got the guy who cut his head off let him quit you know what's funny is we've also been like talking about how this is the most depraved thing like ever i know a guy in comedy who did this to his mom he cut his mom's head off out in new york yeah new york he drove down to south carolina cut his mom's head off and then drove it to 30 rock with some headshots and he wanted to show his mom's head to warren michaels and then give him the headshots wow yeah wow i know pretty crazy that's amazing how far did he get oh he's he's on the show now i was trying to think of a name but uh it's mikey day it's yeah it was mikey day

yeah yeah it was it was ao cut her mom's head off i think she's hosting snl tonight great yeah fantastic actually i'm excited to watch it she got she got in a little trouble because she talked shit about jennifer lopez on a podcast a while back she's in hot water right jennifer lopez is the uh the musical guest have you been keeping up with that oh i listen i got a google alert set for ao i can't wait show me that'd be great if there was a confrontation jennifer lopez walks up there and slaps her live listen up you little black white bitch you hipster you you're nothing more than like a hipster white bitch in a black body you you black diane keating bitch fuck your fucking manhattan

zoe de chanel black zo Zooey Deschanel Ass bitch I heard what you said I can't sing Ben Affleck Like starts beating The shit out of Ayo On TV Comes in like

This character in the town Boston accent Cuts to him in the corner Smoking a cigarette Just holding his head Just another day In Affleck's life Married to this crazy

Puerto Rican bitch Just always shutting a door Oh god Ben Affleck's life. Married to this crazy Puerto Rican bitch. Just always shutting a door. Oh, God. Ben Affleck, the most miserable guy ever who's banging Jennifer Lopez. Amazing. You think a lady,

like a Latino in their 50s to look that good? Are they getting lipo before they brush their teeth every day? Yeah, she's getting the Mexican woman

sucked out of her every morning. She'd have to, right? Yeah, she's getting the Mexican woman sucked out of her every morning. She'd have to, right? Yeah, because normally she should be shaped like a tombstone at this point. She's a 50-year-old Latino. Yeah, she's a 50-year-old Puerto Rican. She's supposed to be holding a piece of shit white dog with a bunch of eye gunk, but instead she still looks good and is dancing all over town.

In her sleep, they must suck the fat out of her i think you told me that the kardashians they get lipo like every third three or four days or something crazy i don't know if i said that but yeah i'm sure that's what that they don't maybe i had to they don't work out they're not really working out and they're always eating they just get all the yeah they're always kind of eating and stuff on the show they have like holes cut in their bellies like those cows and then you can just reach in and pull the food out that they eat. They have like doctors that are human facetune. Like every day they just come, they go, oh, do you want the ass this big, that big?

We can deflate it. We can do whatever you want. It's like one of those new drivers. Like you just pull a tool out and you kind of like tighten it a little bit. Yeah. You know? Exactly. They have those tiny screwdrivers for like glasses.

They just do a little work. Just twist a little. Have you seen, by the way, the guy, this one kind of all the guy who was doing these insane facelifts where he cuts the entire face off and then just sews it back a little bit further? Yes, he's like doing like Comanche surgery on people. These people were going and they look,

they're just like ugly. They go in and they look like they died and came back to life. A plastic surgeon who's just scalping people. It's like Rob Zombie's fucking in Beverly Hills giving surgeries to people. It's literally guys who are like well I'm 43 it's time to look like a bone tomahawk

victim. It's time to get my face cut off in a big tube in my throat. They're getting little bone whistles put in their throat. Yeah. So they keep walking out of the Beverly Hills office and go. On top of the Hollywood sign. A guy going to a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon be like can you cut all my feet and arms off

So I can be a big pillow A pussy pillow I'm saving up So I can get surgery at a brawl in cell block 99 I want to be in that pain universe From brawl in cell block 99 Can you kick my head in while I lay on the ground Can you have Vince Vaughn

Step on my face and it exploded for some reason because we're in an alternate reality where where violence is built into the fiber of every person's being you should post it on twitter where it's like uh this is my plastic surgeon and then it's vince vaughn kicking that guy's head into that shit that shit and that shit hole toilet thing in the ground at the end of Brawl in Salt Block 99. I do love that movie just for those scenes where he grabs the guy's arm and then just pops this

entire bone out of it. He rips the guy's skeleton out of his body like a cartoon. I feel like God watching that movie. I know. It really is white crack. It's crazy too because there's that Celtic cross on the back of his head which is just like a swastika essentially, and it's in every shot. Benny has a shaved head, but he's not a Nazi.

It's a whole movie. Because he loves his daughter. In the beginning of the movie, he goes, by the way, I'm not a Nazi. Then you get to watch the whole movie. And then Craig Zahler gives a big thumbs up. Craig Zahler goes, we we not killing any black people they go no his friend said the n-word and vince vaughn was kind of uncomfortable but not really hey malcolm jamal white was in this uh movie for a second it is funny the first guy he kills in prison is the black uh the black guard that's like kind of

being nice to him actually like apologizing it's a weird term and he just beats the living fuck out yeah a guy who's like hey hey, I could, you know, I could give you some boxing lessons or whatever. And he just shoves his throat out of the back of his head. It really is a whole movie about the bald character in GTA 5. The guy that like lives in the desert. The racist character

in GTA 5. We weren't allowed to play that game growing up. I miss it. No, it came out I think when you guys were, we were. I called my mom. She said I couldn't buy it. Understood. I was 24. I was still Christian. No, it came out, I think, when you guys were... We were... I called my mom. She said I couldn't buy it. Oh. Understood. I was 24. I was still Christian. Wait, did it come out, like, in our 20s?

Yeah, I think so. It was the one where you could play with three characters. The black dude, the mafia guy, and then there was this, like, white trash, like, redneck who was bald and just... I'm saving up for the really racist black version, so I've been waiting for that. I can't wait for the female one coming out. I know. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Where you can just rape a giant-ass black woman in Miami. so I've been waiting for that. I can't wait for the female one coming out. I know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or you can just rape a giant-ass black woman in Miami. What's the whole thing with, speaking of women ruining everything, what is with the new true detective? Reality. No. I saw Nick even-

What's with my house? What's going on? What's going on? In the parameters of my home. I think Nick even said something in an interview that it's like... Nick Pizzolatto? Yeah, he said it's dog shit or something. Yeah, he said it's really fucking stupid because they're trying to connect season four and

season one. Yeah, so in the new season, they have the spiral. It's a steaming pile of shit and they keep trying to relate that Russ Cole's mom's in... Because it's in Alaska. You know how russ used to say he was you know how to spend all that time in alaska they're trying to like create a connection to season one that's retarded it's an awful show it's the most boring thing i've ever watched it's like watching like rocks investigate trees the two lee jody fostered

no charisma for some reason now and then it's this like indigenous lady who sucks ass and they just both keep forcing men to come inside of them the whole show it makes no i have no clue what's going on is that real two first episode this indigenous lady holds a guy down makes him come inside of her forced cream pie second episode jody foster holds the guy down makes him come inside of her huh i have no clue what's happening and then all the murders are just like like seven people die in like the snow and they're all just like and it's like no one it doesn't make any sense it's a bad how does the how does the plot how does the plot

get developed or how does the character change from forcing a man to come inside nothing matters it's meaningless are they having a baby it's I don't I have no clue why they're doing it I haven't kept up I didn't I watched half a season episode episode three I did somebody was telling me that I think like four out of the five main characters are like I have no clue why they're doing it. I haven't kept up. I watched half of season, episode three. I did.

Somebody was telling me that I think like four out of the five main characters are like black women in the show. Really? It's like women kicking ass. But it's a detective agency in Alaska, which is insane. Yeah. There's not four black women. Not to turn to Owen Benjamin over here, but there's not like four black women in the state. No, people try to pretend that like Jackie Brown never existed or none of these movies

ever existed. Yeah, that's true. They act like they're the first one to ever have a black woman in anything. And they've ignored black people forever. They're not really black. I don't really know. They're not, you know, it's not like a lady named like, you know, whatever. It's not like an...

A pass. I couldn't think of one. I actually couldn't think of one. We're actually doing a bit now where you at home can put your own racist name into the bit. Exactly. It's fill in the blank. We're gonna become, the show will become like Dora the Explorer

where we're like, can you think of a name for the black lady? Very good. They're like indigenous black. Like, you know, the mom is black and the dad's like a seal or something. Sure.

It's like that. You mean like aboriginal, I guess. Ice aborigines or something. Or do you mean like easter island black i don't know they're up in the they're the ice donkey yeah and she's got like gauges like it looks like she like goes to zoomies a lot sure she looks like she does the hawk before a sporting event. She's solving crimes on like a penny board in advance and shit. You've never seen two lead characters with less charisma. You look at it. That's insane because Jodie Foster's great when she was 13.

Yeah. Getting raped all around town. Sure. But now, now it's gross. Now it sucks. You look like Leatherface and you're forcing men to come inside you. Yeah. And every line you deliver stinks.

If she was a 50-year-old woman in the original Taxi Driver, the movie would end with him walking in and blowing her brains out. Giving a thumbs up to everybody else and leaving. It's bizarre. There's also just an obligatory blood meridian. Somebody puts down blood meridian.

You can tell they're just trying to make it seem like it's deeper than it is. I told you before they're trying to make these moments in tv shows where it's clearly going to be a thing that becomes a meme on twitter and people share it yeah and that's the only way the show exists why they make yeah they make shows and they think we all can't see past that they think none of us can see what the fuck they're doing sorry you're not going to be like tim Tim Robinson and have these like you're not going to be in the cool Twitter. Yeah.

A crew bullshit. Put on a hot dog outfit, Jody. But that's a way more interesting. That's a fucking way better show. You know what would be a great sketch if we committed to a weird premise, but like really committed hard, like yelled through it. And that's the whole sketch. Wouldn't be that that be the most genius thing i swear to god the i think you should leave and the io stuff on

twitter makes me feel like i'm going mentally insane specifically yeah i know the whole like just where where it's that thing where everything's like goaded yeah and you're not quite sure what the body of work is really like what the stuff i see about io they're like she forgot her phone at the table and i'm like what is that yeah like i love her so much did you see her like hug her mom the new thing is people go i literally like i want to hold somebody down and be like what is she what does she do well she's not good at acting the new thing is people go uh people go hey yo who got that one io clip and everyone quote tweets it with their favorite stuff and people go hey yo who got that one io clip and everyone quote tweets it with their favorite stuff and people go through and retweet it yeah and the most popular one is io going people are like goddamn she's got it goddamn i love being 39 and pretending to know what black

people like i love it i love being a guy who failed out of my dream career and i you know raped a bunch of women in brooklyn and then just go on twitter and go yo yeah who got the ao clip yep i love being the i love being the liberal version of brooklyn to find that isn't it interesting all the the you never see uh a black woman named like charlene washington being goaded with the sauce at the golden globes being beloved by everybody on twitter and all these like white hip. That's a very good point. It's always kind of like a, you know, kind of a whitish, first generation, you know, their African name, whatever. You know, maybe I'm not the person to...

It's exotic. I'm gonna start going around town and speaking about this. Am I the person for that? You could just start renting out, like, conference rooms and hotels. Young brothers and sisters, what is with all these first generation African ladies dominating Hollywood? We did not land on Viacom.

Viacom landed on us. Remember black Americans. Remember black Americans. Wow. Crazy black Americans. It's rare. It's rare to see, you know, who's the last person they gave it up to? Monique?

Yeah. For Precious? I don't think they gave it up to her Monique? Yeah. For Precious? I don't even think they gave it up to her. Did they even give it up to her? Like I said, we've said it before on the podcast, but there's like,

every year there's like one, you know, like stinky guy. They go, here you go and then go away. Never again. This is why you need like a savant white guy or like a really good Jew

behind these things. Like if you put Nathan Filder in charge of the new True Detective, now we're cooking with gas. We're really cooking with gas. Nathan Filder in charge of the new True Detective. Now we're cooking with gas. We're really cooking with gas. Nathan Filder trying to convince a guy to run a sex trafficking ring in Louisiana. You know what I mean?

Yeah, incredibly interesting. And he already kind of seems like he does that. Nathan, for you, detective. Yeah. He probably already does that for fun. Yeah. I can't tell if he's brilliant or just literally genuinely that weird and it's just it looks like amazing art yeah i've been around him

i used to work on nathan for you i was a pa i know a lot of people that have worked on sets with him and they go yeah he's great but i never want to speak to him again or be around him oh he's just the most uncomfortable weirdo i've ever just like pure autism just yeah it gives you nothing yeah he always made me laugh and his one time I was driving them around in a van and Nathan go it was Nathan

and all of his writers and Nathan goes where are we and I go oh we're in Studio City and he goes huh more like Studio Shitty

and no one laughed there were 10 people in the van and they all like looked up from their like it's the shitty LA like they have the glasses and the hat and they all looked up from their... It's the shitty LA. They have the glasses and the hat and they look up from their phone and they're like,

I make $8,000 a day. And they just look back down at their phone and they be shitty. I do kind of love that. You're doing dice clay for yourself for no reason. It's kind of fun. I like him a lot. The curse is pretty unique and brilliant. Nathan's great. He's great.

The curse I thought was very good as well. I very much a lot. The curse is pretty unique and brilliant. No, Nathan's great. Yeah. He's great. The curse I thought was very good as well. I very much enjoyed that. Yeah. One time I was working on this Scientology set for the Leah Romini show, and I remember one of the producers was like this guy that he was like, he was always a guy. He was like, he looked like, who's that bald guy who's in a lot of movies? He's fucking- Bruce Willis? willis no fuck i don't know why i'm blanking on his name what movie is his glasses and bald and he's always a side character and stuff and he's thin can we we're gonna figure it out after and you're gonna flash it on the

screen i'm gonna make you do 30 more minutes of editing okay that's actually fine but anyway he was one of those guys that was always just like he was always like rubbing his temples like like this, even though he didn't do anything on set and just made all the fucking money. The guy that would sit there and like open up his MacBook and then like make a couple of demands and then he would ignore everyone the entire time. And he's making 99 percent of the money. That guy, he would he would just sit there and like rub his temples like this and just be like i'm so fucking sick of my mercedes i'm thinking about going to bmw he literally said that he said that to me and another guy and we were like oh yeah he's like it's just he goes i gotta just change i gotta mix it up he goes which company was responsible for killing more jews which company like owned the ovens there's something about making that much money and being in L.A.

that you just turn into like maybe the most miserable person. No, you really do. You really do. Because you walk around, you go, I make $12,000 a day no matter what. I have a beautiful life everyone dreams of. I was given it because my name's Jewy Jewison. Sorry. I have a beautiful life

I was given because I was born into it and was walked into Ivy League colleges. I run seven shows that are the equivalent of patty cake on TV. I ruined it.

I have a show called One Two Buckle My Shoe. And what do you do on the show? I walk around the set and I hold the bridge of my nose like this and i go oh yeah i have to have my prozac my job is so i have a very complicated job i um you know how it costs 400 million dollars to make female hulk i it's because i get 75 of that i'm doing um i'm doing intense money laundering and i'm ruining america while i'm doing it yeah but i fucking my wife's

a fucking cunt and a bitch all those guys have the have the like the most sterile homes too yeah yeah yeah no i used to sell i used to sell home security to those people they live in they live in those homes where it's a big box home it's concrete stories concrete and there's a glass in the living room like they live in a human aquarium. They want to make sure all the poor people can see them, have a good time and a good life. They want to live like a lizard. And they go, oh, you watching the Super Bowl with me?

And then they turn their blinds, and they flip off a family of homeless people. They look like they're vegan hitmen. Like they sleep on a blue bottle coffee bench. I hate them all. They're slowly ruining Echo Park and stuff. Every house popping up is one of those. They knock them down. They're not that level of

these people live in like the Hollywood Hills and shit, but yeah. You're right though, they build a terrarium for themselves with like a big red light and they sit on a stone like a lizard. They want poor people to look at them like they're in a wealthy aquarium.

Yeah. And they open, they lean out the window and they go, I'm not appreciating this by the way. I'm wasting it. You might as well

throw the money right in the trash. Might as well throw it in the toilet, which I am. I flush it down the toilet. I was given this life and joy striving and then dying of cancer

because you can't afford medication you know what's funny about those guys too those guys love to justify uh uh they go well they go well everybody else is miserable but i make all the money and so like i'd rather like make all the money and be miserable rather than be poor and be miserable it's like yeah no everybody else is actually a lot happier than you yeah they go no no no no no me being a huge piece of shit it's not ruined my life at all it was that's how life is no everybody lives in hell not just me and they and they will walk they will walk up to you and like say the most like insane like you're a pa on the show and the guy will literally be like do you prefer bugatti or Porsche? What do you think? You're like, I don't.

I eat soup for breakfast. They're like, right. I saw this guy get brought the wrong salad by a PA. And he was like, I specifically said no avocado. And he put down his knife and fork where it was like audible. And he took off his glasses and went. He goes, no, it's fine. It's fine. his glasses and went he goes no it's fine it's fine he goes I'll just take it off it's fine

I'll just go home and rape my maid tonight no it's fine no it's fine Juanita will die tomorrow it's literally just on top of the salad just take it off

I know just do that once he didn't order you want him to take it back to the restaurant and they take it off he didn't order Like what you want him To take it back To the restaurant And they take it off He didn't order the salad

To eat it and enjoy it He ordered it For it to be wrong He probably gave the guy Wrong directions That's actually Probably right He probably schemes

He probably plans his order Based on what they can get wrong And then he can rub his eyes And be like Yeah God my life is perfect Fuck Damn it

No it's actually Shooting his own head Like a stress ball Yeah no I mean Yeah. God, my life is perfect. Fuck. Damn it. No, it's actually like... Shooting his own head like a stress ball. Yeah, no, I mean, when I sold security to these people after like three months, every day in the Hollywood Hills, you were kind of like, oh, it's all... You realize it's all fake because every single woman is like, you meet her and she's just... They're miserable. There's these tiny little dog women that have had all the fucking blood sucked out of their bodies. That's why they live at the top of these mountains

where if they order food, it takes the delivery driver 45 minutes to get there with this never-ending, windy, Mr. Toad's wild ride drive. And you go, but you're rich. Why do you have such an annoying... Don't you get annoyed having to drive down this hill all the time? But you can tell because they're so dead inside.

They're like, at least I need a cartoon-style drive home. I like my drive home to be wacky. They're like villains. They have to live in the mountains. Yeah. Like they're Grinch or something. Their family doesn't speak. The kids hate them.

And they're like, yeah, but at least every time I drive home, I could drive right off the square. It makes them feel powerful. They're like, I just need to... My goal is to pay a Mexican guy $15 to get me a fork and drive it to my house and it ruins his day. Takes four hours. They're the type of people, they order Mexican food and then they scream at their assistant. They go, there's bread in this.

Beans? What is this shit? I said no carbs, you fucking piece of shit. I'll fucking kill you. And then they tweet about how MAGA people are out of their fucking mind and cutting heads off. Meanwhile, they have the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood flamethrower. Yeah. They're just right to Jorge's head.

Yeah. Because he brought the wrong smoothie. Right to Jorge's. Yeah. I'll show you, Berea. I used to think, by the way, all those ladies those ladies like especially when i moved to la i'd never seen someone with plastic surgery ever yeah the only plastic surgery we saw growing up was when a lady got eaten by a dog or something yeah and like when the dog shit her out the dog shit around they had to sew her back up like oprah. That was the lady. We did know a lady who got her hand chopped off in like a wood press in high school.

And she had a big, she had Chubbs Peterson's hand walking around. No, you guys probably like saw like Shark Tale and then came here and you're like, everyone looks like in Shark Tale. Why does everybody look like Geppetto in Del Toro? Do you remember that guy in woodshop class he had a huntington's disease the one where like it's a that guy had huntington's it's like isn't it the disease where if you find out you have it you live you die when you're like 22 or something there's something like that there's like a 50 percent transfer yeah you get it you get it you

look like olivia wilde for five years and then you die like at 27 yeah that guy cut off both of his thumbs at once somehow yeah that guy had huntingtons he was he was doing one of those things the wood the table saw oh right table saw his thumbs like this yeah no he literally he literally i asked somebody who was there he literally went through both of them i asked somebody who was there i was like how do you do he's like dude i swear to god he literally just put his thumb into the blade like he looked like he cut it off on purpose why is he literally just put his thumb into the blade like he looked like he cut it off on purpose why is he pushing it with his thumbs

overlapped yeah he literally they were overlapped and he pushed them both into the blade what I never understood is you would stop once one gets cut off no no you wouldn't go through one almost went through his chest he almost kept going like it was like it was a bond

torture device this is more painful than usual. That guy also, he was in my grade, and that guy, first of all- He's probably dead now. He's definitely dead. He looked like Timmy from South Park. The one with the- Was it Timmy or Jimmy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, he looked like Jimmy, the one in the wheelchair. Timmy. Timmy. Yeah, he looked like that one. Jimmy was the cripple. Okay, so he looked like timmy but he didn't have anything wrong with him by the way he just had a huge head well apparently had huntingtons well i mean but he wasn't like you would see him you go oh he is like a mental

disability he was shaped like a human balloon on a string that's what his body he was mr mackie actually his body looked like he would walk through the zoo holding him by his feet. As his head drifted behind you and above you. He is in my grade. It was after PE. I was in the hallway. I had just walked out. They had these lockers and they had these huge metal benches they would put on top of the lockers. They weighed, I swear to God, like fucking 400 pounds, something like that.

Like crazy. It took five guys to lift it up there. He had put his jacket up there. They had put the benches up because they were doing something in the lockers. He came in and he went to grab his jacket and apparently he couldn't get it and then he just went like that.

Corner of the bench went down on the fucking top of his head. Dude, I forgot about that. Cracked his fucking skull open. Final destination style accident. I was walking to class, and then I walked back, and there was just blood all over the floor. I heard people screaming and shit. And he was just holding his skull.

Blood was seeping out of his... And then three months later, he cut both of his thumbs off. Good God. It's the guys that literally get crushed by vending machines and die because their snickers won't fall. No, it's guys who are so retarded they become like Mr. Magoo, but with dire consequences. There's no cute part where they're walking

across a beam that gets lifted on a construction site and walk perfectly to another building. They all get crushed by machinery. I think they reattached his thumbs, though, but they didn't really kind of work. They're so on backwards. He's like, I asked him to do this. He goes, so I hold stuff on the top of my hands.

They go, well, we couldn't save the thumbs, so we ate them. So anyway, that was the closest thing I knew to plastic surgery. I'm like, oh, right, when you get your hands cut off, they put them back on. Oh, right, when you get your hands cut off and they sew pig feet to your hands plastic surgery dude when i moved to la i was like wow every single woman is like the most beautiful woman i've ever seen like the plastic surgery trick actually really worked on me and now at the point i'm 31 now i guess i moved here when i was what 20 21 something like that at this point now it's starting to become really and i'm not trying to

be this guy that's like dude i'm not into like fake women like i don't like like how would why would who would want to have sex with kim kardashian like i'm not that type of retard yeah but the faces are all starting to look really they're all looking the exact same to me yeah and they're all looking really it doesn't justify looking at photos of these people by the way if you actually see them in person every day, it starts to fucking creep you out. Because it feels like you're in a... Did you see that movie Anomalisa? Yeah.

Where everybody has the exact same voice? All these people are starting to become actually really hideous. And it makes me nauseous to be around them. You feel like you can't get away from them because they all look the exact same. You are disturbed by them because it's literally like an uncanny valley thing. You look at them and you're like a face can't look like that. That's actually impossible. And it's all got to good is the thing.

And they're all copying each other. Dude, it's really starting to get really fucking ugly. I don't know if there's going to be like if... Because you were bringing up the plastic surgery thing of how weird people are looking. I know we talk about plastic surgery a lot, but I mean, we're fucking around. Do we?

I guess maybe not, actually. You've been on the subreddits too much. People just dig up something like, hey, when they drink dad coke, fuck them. Grasping for straws of why we suck. Like, we're not better than everything else. You know mom reads every post on the subreddit, by the way. Well, I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that. Well, I guess they know that now, so they can write messages.

That is true. Okay, well, got to delete that. Got to delete that. If we've learned our lesson. But anyway, I don't do that. But anyway, the bitches are fucking ugly, and I like women all natural. I want their titties to sag down below their pussy well they go they all get that uh yeah same of course but same we all love ugly women yeah

we all like it when women get ugly and worthless they're getting that like the buckle fat thing and then yeah and then buccal fat and then like in like an amount of time like they won't have any natural collagen so they're just going to start looking like it's our holocaust victims like their face is just gonna start drooping like that Jacob Elordi guy lost like a bunch of weight

and he was on SNL and I was like you're like you're like kind of ugly now you look kind of creepy we were watching SNL and I was like wait is this the heartthrob guy

everybody talked about you guys watch SNL without me god damn it hey you went home early the other night and we had ourselves a filibuster.

You're welcome to stay for tonight. All right. All right. Well, as long as Ayo's on. Wait, she is on tonight. She is on with J-Lo. Oh, man. We should watch that and just throw stuff at the TV.

Me and Devin put on SNL and there's this sketch where it's like Bo and Yang comes out and he's wearing a Stewie Griffin shirt and he's doing impressions of Stewie. Which apparently is like a running gag and that's like their Stefan. That's like a Stewie Griffin shirt. Yeah. He's doing like impressions of Stewie. Which apparently is like a running gag. And that's like one of their, that's like their Stefan. Like that's like a classic character. Dude, we go, this is the worst thing we've ever seen. And then it was like, all the comments were like, love that. This is the seventh time they've done this exact sketch. Yeah.

It's my favorite thing. Beautiful. Like it's, that's their Matt Foley as Bo and Yang comes out in a stew. Cause they're always eight years behind Twitter, by the way. Like they just figured out about like Black Homer and like all these like the cat Will Ferrell accounts and all this stuff where it's like funny to

quote family guy this is a big thing like 2014 2015 Twitter yeah and they're they're so far behind everybody that they're finally doing these skits on SNL thinking they're the cool like current I think they just go to Twitter and copy paste stuff

yeah just get people to do shit yeah I mean bones yeah before this do I didn't know about the Stewie Griffin thing but before that he would just you do one sketch every week and it was he get dressed like a giant aunt and look at a $9,000 suit that took four hours to get and he'd come and be like hey I'm the fag aunt

we get updated and she's like what if be like, hey, I'm the faggot. He'd be all, we get up there and answer. He's like, what if I can't leave, but I sucked cock? And everybody's like, woo.

Yeah, they just kind of the whole thing. He's like, I'm gay, but I'm Chinese. Everyone's like, damn, that's hilarious. They're like, damn, that sucks.

Dude, the monologue, you know, and then they cut to the audience and it's like, oh, but that isn't someone random from the audience who just stood up. It's a writer.

It's actually Brad Pitt or whatever, a writer. Like it cuts to like someone stands up during the monologue and yells and it happens to be like,

oh, Bo and Yang was planted in the audience and he can't get a word out because people are just screaming. Oh, he's goaded. He's like, he's legendary. People are acting like he's Elvis Presley, like grabbing at his clothing and stuff.

What's the thing they like? What is Bowen's? He's gay and Chinese, Ben. Sit down. What more do you need, Ben? Well, like with Farley, you could go like, you know, van down by the river. You could yell like anything, right?

You could yell like nine different things. It's that Soho gay community that just likes milquetoast gays. And them being gay is their personality, basically, I guess. That's TV. They want black people who are white and they want gay people who suck. That is TV, yeah. They dive into these cultures full of life and interesting people who are making great art. And they go, get out of here.

Get out of the way. Ayo's in here somewhere. Get in. It is amazing. Also, SNL, they have one guy, James Austin Johnson, the only person that I see do brilliant impressions. Yeah, James is great. And then everyone else that they give an impression to, it just be somebody like hey i'm little wayne like no attempt at like any voice or they're just am they put they put dreads on them and they go i'm little wayne young money cash money baby and then everyone

just acts like wow these are like the professionals we have well it's also funny i've seen i've seen clips where they they do cut to the audience like you said and the whole audience i realized is because i fucked a lot of these women they're 27 year old women working in tv making 40 grand a year that's literally all of them yeah it's all those types they only make 40 grand a year yeah i fucked a bunch of them i know how much they make i thought i dated more than a couple people you're talking about the women who like write on like youtube tv kids shows no i'm talking about the people who like work in casting at nick jr oh yeah those type of people yeah you're casting and you don't you're dating that woman you better pray you're a pedophile and i did for a while

but i was trying to get to blue. No, it's literally that's a secret of L.A. that all casting departments are run by 27 year old white women that suck and I'm dating. Yeah. It really is true. It's white women who are 27. They're always on their MacBook.

They have an apartment they share in Burbank. They love New Girl and they're just going like can we get nicole byer to do this and that's it yeah they're like the they're the cinematographer on wizards of waverly place or like a show where you're like is there cinematography i don't even is that even a real job description they're very successful in a career that makes you want to kill yourself yeah they're very successful in a career that makes you want to kill yourself. Yeah. They're very successful in a career where at a party you're like,

I work on Baby Shark and people are like, oh, you should not do that. Yeah. I'm the stunt coordinator on the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Oh, you should get

into welding maybe. Get your certificates. That sucks. Well, rather than watch something good tonight, I want to watch the IOSNL. Yeah, it'll be interesting. I'm only interested because of the controversy.

By the way, that doesn't make it doesn't make you a hater to watch it. You don't like it's actually really fun to watch it. That's not good. No, it's I watch Will and Don. I watch like tons of shit. And also people. It's great. When people call you a hater, it's like, yes, I am.

Everything is very bad and I hate it. It's a logical reaction to our existence yeah why would i and i and i only hate things that are bad because i love things i love so much that are good exactly i'm a hater imagine being a liker what a miserable existence to be a liker yep to be like hey you know what i love the new thing i'm supposed to love exactly what a piece of worthless shit what's the point you might as well be a biker you might as well be a bull a billboard in the mall yeah that's what you are as a person yeah you go what i like the thing that the thing the government and

corporations told me tonight they're like you know what i love i love manufactured consent i actually love that that's beautiful we kind of like the new Avengers. We thought it was good. We thought it was good because we're retarded. And we have no taste. We don't really have any critical thinking. Yeah, exactly. They tried to give hater negative connotation to cut out any criticism of quality

or anything. Hating haters is a psyop probably. Yeah. It's probably like by big media. They're trying to spread dissent. It's like when they send FBI agents down to a protest, then the FBI guys will start causing trouble. Yeah. Yep.

They're doing a Jan 6 for haters. They're trying to Ruby Ridge haters. Right. Yeah. We're in this podcast studio like Waco. We're the last people left. We're holding down the fort. Yeah.

We're drinking Coke Zero and we're going to say something sucks. Yeah. We're the last podcast left. Other people are tweeting that IO rules because I don't know. I really don't know. But you go on. There's 45 million people that think she is God's gift. I like and respect who says Ayo's good at comedy.

And then I go and I gag because I can't believe what's happening. Well, yeah, it's whatever. You could like her in like movies and shows and stuff but the comedy it's kind of funny she got kind of funny she got it because she is bad at acting it's kind of it's funny she's getting in trouble for the the the comedy career she used to fake fake yeah yeah no it's gonna be very um it's I mean, her acting is literally like when they have an athlete on SNL. It's like reading cue cards. Is it going to be like Michael Jordan in Space Jam?

Yeah. Dude, she literally looks like what they said Marlon Brando did on The Godfather, but did well. She's doing, I'm like, is she reading that off of Jeremy Allen White's head? God, she sucks ass. I'm sick of him, too. I'm sick of his fucking ass. I'm sick of his fucking ass. I watched the Iron Claw, and I was like, that is fucking shitty acting. Fuck that.

Fuck that. Fuck that nose with legs. I am sick of him. You're fucking weird shape. Fuck him acting all coy about his fucking photo shoot. He acted like, oh, I don't even remember doing that Calvin Klein ad. Oh, I'm a little uncomfortable and nervous about this. Shut up.

Fuck your I'm James Dean in like the 50s doing like serious acting bullshit. I do not like his acting. People are like, oh, well, you hate everything. Yes. No, I found a podcast by sixth graders that I really like and they talk about their favorite soda. That's great.

And then I watched Incendies today. The critically acclaimed film from 2010, and it was good. Even if a hater is wrong, at least they're trying to care about it, like thinking on a critical level. I mean, because it's... That's true. That's what I'm saying.

It's like the likers are making things disappear. I built this huge list of movies I've been trying to watch, like classic movies, movies I haven't got to, and I just go down the list. Every day I go down the list, I'm like, oh, maybe I'll watch that, and then I look it up, and it's like, it's not available anywhere.

You literally can't watch it if you know with like nine movies if you like everything what's the point you do you even exist exactly like you okay then just die i guess like what's the point you're the anything you experience you know you'll like you know you'll like so who do i even watch it right there's no mystery just sit in the dark room i loved everything my whole life and that's it for me. Time to die. You're an idiot. You're a fucking idiot. Yeah, go to the movie theater,

buy a ticket and go home. Go home. Go home. I'm sure it's great. I loved it. I loved it. Didn't even watch it. They rent my ticket

and I said, wow, what a movie and I went home. They go, I love being a battery for the machines in the Matrix. I think it's great. I'm a good little cog. I'm a happy human sheep. I love being a tiny little cog in a big machine destroying me that I love.

Bitch. Fuck you. Is Amazon charging $3 to have it be ad free? I like that. Amazon's a great company doing great things. That's necessary because when you look at the power structure. People made me feel crazy my whole life for caring about stuff. You're just supposed to say everything's good.

People treat you, if you care about stuff, people treat you like you're mean. You're mentally insane. Which then made me mean. Yes. So now I hate it and I call you a fag. Yeah, we have... Fag never used to be a part of the equation. I would just respectfully disagree and be like,

I just don't like that, but everyone gaslit me. And now I go, you're a fucking asshole, faggot, piece of shit. And what you like stinks. Yeah, you evolved a tough shell. You're one of those dinosaurs with big claws on their hands. Well, you're kind of like an abused dog in an animal shelter, essentially. You've been pushed into this corner, and now someone goes to pet you, and you're like, yeah.

Jesus. All right, all right. SNL season 39 is not that great, I guess. Okay. It's like a video of the Dodo videos where malnourished dogs they find in a barn. This little hater I found. Yeah, they're trying to slide a DVD of the bear season two. And you're going,

and you're wrapped around fucking like a Scorsese box set. This little hater had mange when we found him. This little guy, he tried to watch the movie Silence by Scorsese and went insane. Patreon.com slash liveandparty. Liveandparty.life for the live dates. For the tickets. For the tickets. February 7th is awesome.

I think it's sold out. Maybe you can wait in line and get in. I don't know. I don't know how that works. February 7th is awesome. I think it's sold out. Maybe you can wait in line and get in. I don't know. I don't know how that works. February 9th is Houston. Come to the, I think it's called Comedy Secret Group or whatever. The tickets are on lemonparty.life. That's February 9th in Houston.

I think we need to move some tickets over there. Should be a fun venue. And then come watch the Super Bowl with us, February 11th in Fort Worth. Should be a good time. Should be a fun run. We're going to see a lot of really cool people. We might hang out with Nick from True Detective in Austin. That's going to be cool.

That'll be crazy. We're going to hang out with Philip Meyer. We're going to go fire some guns with him. He wrote The Sun. Aaron Gwynn is coming down, our good friend of the show. And author extraordinaire. He's going to be driving down. We're going to see him.

We're going to see Pandejo time, by the way, too. Jake and Thomas are going to be down there. We are going to hang out with the pedophile from episode five of True Detective season one. The guy gets blown up by the landmine when he's running away. We're hanging out with that dude. Yeah, it's going to be, I'm thinking about filming all of it and then filming the show, maybe making a,

like a, a cool doc out of it, or maybe it'll just suck and we won't put anything out. I don't really know. I never know what we're doing. And trying to, oh yeah. And then come March 23rd to see lemon party live.

The, I posted the information on the Patreon. And then live streams every other two weeks. Shout out to Moist Turtleneck, who is a good mod for the live streams every Wednesday. Oh, and also I'm on Cameo, by the way. I'm getting like two a day. I don't even have to read the script for Cameo

because they're like, can you tell my friend he's a fucking faggot and he should kill himself? I don't even have to look at the script it's every time it's like hey jeff you're gay you should take your own life it's even worse like can you can you tell my mom that i should get to listen to the podcast the cameos are so fun i just get to tell people all day they should kill themselves right it's great can you tell my boss it wasn't my fault

that he played on the company Bluetooth? Oh, and I haven't told you guys this yet, but I'm developing a coffee right now with a micro roaster I found where he's sending me some beans, a little concoction that we're going to whip up. I want to make something that kind of tastes like the coffee version of Coke Zero, if you know what I mean.

Right. Maybe some strawberries. You can give botulism to the fans. Dude, I'm going to make a Ben Bean, though. I'm going to have my own personal coffee business. Beautiful. You started drinking coffee two weeks ago, by the way. By the way, I sent the latte art I made

to my friend who's a barista, and he was like, Jesus fucking Christ, that's amazing. What a swastika. Is that what he said? He goes, that's amazing. What a swastika. Is that what he said? He goes, that's an iron eagle. No, it's holding the big bundle of sticks. I can see it.

I did a tulip. It looked really good. I didn't send you guys a video of it because I knew I would have gotten not a response from either of you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know you both looked at your phone and went, ah, and then put it face down on the table. I go, and then my girlfriend goes, what was that? I go, it's nothing. Nothing.

Don't worry about it. I go, Ben figured out how to steam milk. As I twiddle a gun. Yeah, I put my phone down. I go, Ben's got a new thing, so we need to steer clear for a while. I'm going to make an Aracano for you guys one day. You're going to love it. What the hell is that?

It's like I can make nitro cold beer without the nitrous and all that shit. I can do it by steaming cold water with an espresso shot. I just can't wait for the day. You're like, I've gotten really into what I do is I take beer and then I drink it. And then I yell at Katie. It's getting really close to that, honestly. I've really been considering drinking. And I've been drinking like seven espressos a day.

Yeah, but you're going to be like, so what, I'm drinking, but I use a lot of bitters. Right. So it doesn't, it's fine. Dude, I have little glasses for the espresso shots too and I take them like they're whiskeys. Yeah. It's a bad track.

But Andrew Huberman said alcohol is a nootropic so I might dip my toes back in the water. Did he recently say that? I'm sure he had. Everything's a nootropic now that's bad for you. I think it's all funded by I think Anheuser-Busch says go say

Bud Light's a nootropic. Microdosing high fructose corn syrup. No, dude, he's right out of ideas. He's like, he's like, how to optimize your snore. Optimize your snore.

He just was like, has nothing left at this point. He posted a big list the other day everybody was talking about where he goes, like it got shared by everybody where it's like,

here are my nine pillars to health. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like one, it was like drink water yeah number eight what the fuck yeah number eight hang out with Whitney Cummings

fucking retard he's actually I do like I listen to his podcast a lot but at a certain point at a certain point this culture of like I have to optimize everything

you're turning yourself into RoboCop for no reason like just have a little bit of goddamn fun yeah what are we what are people needing to do how about nine pillars to having a good time yeah how about that yeah yeah how about one get behind the wheel of a car right i just i went back i went

back home and i saw so many people who like a run of you know an enterprise and they're like i'm putting my face in the bowl of water it's cold in the morning and i'm like your life sucks maybe optimize your life and then you'll feel better around everything else i'm gonna post the nine pillars to get fucked up yeah the nine the nine pillars of drink uh number one don't eat number two number one's empty belly yeah number number two empty belly number three smoke after drink yeah number you'll over smoke number three rip the filters off your cigarettes. You don't want to filter anything out.

Fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. Yep. Yes, sir. Number four, go on Facebook and tell everybody you're going to kill yourself. Number five, block your parents. Block their phone numbers. Don't tell them.

Six, drive to the nearest police station and park backwards and look at them through your rear view mirror while drinking whiskey. Number nine, see how long you can drunk drive for. Have a competition with your friends. You literally have a clock

on your dash. Like you're playing chess. Time chess. chess yeah just switching switching driving while it's moving yeah just climbing in the seat yeah i don't know the other ones but they really are these guys these doctors really are lucky that people like didn't know they could cook their own food or yeah drink they didn't even know water came out of the faucet it's actually actually a really solid point. People didn't know you could just drink water. They had no idea. They thought everything you drink had to come from a can or a bottle. They had no idea. Andrew Huberman said

Dr. Pepper's not good. And he said the things that are healthy are healthy. And the things that are healthy are healthy. And the things that are not healthy are then not healthy. I think it literally said water, sleep, exercise, waking up early. Yeah. Yeah, wow.

Like, wow, holy shit, what a groundbreaking. What a great. You're a neuroscientist, right? Wow, holy shit. Take this from fucking The Farmer's Almanac Ben Franklin wrote. Faggot. Andrew Huberman said right foot, then left foot. Right foot, then left foot.

And that's how I get to my car. He said, you put your pants on first, then you put your shoes on. Because shoes first, you can't put pants on. Can't put pants over shoes. Everyone knows that. All right. We should probably end the episode. I'm getting a headache.

Yeah. Probably because I drank four Coke Zeros. Yeah. Well, I got two more in the fridge for you, buddy. Hell yeah. All right. All right. We'll see you, folks.

Goodbye, everybody. See you in Austin. Did you drink my Coke Zeros? Were those in the fridge? Oh, did I pour your Coke Zero into my glass? Wow. I brought three Coke Zeros and my brother drank two of them. I got a 24-pack at Target right here.

I had them at the desk. Oh, my God. God, you even drink your Coke Zeros warm, just like your beers. I guess I do. Yeah. Good Lord. Yeah. Anyway, sorry.

You were wrapping up. No, no, no. You want... The 24 packs at Target are like $12. You want a hot CZ? You want a hot Coke Zero? It felt great walking out of Target with this because it felt like the old days

when I go to Walmart and get like a 30 pack and like make a little bit of trouble. I'll tell you, I'm going to walk in and you're going to have candy cigarettes rolled up in your sleeve. I've been really thinking about smoking again, too. Huh. Interesting.

Interesting, interesting. I already had the fucking baby. Like, I can't fuck my sperm up and make the baby retarded now that's half the reason why i quit so long ago smoking her face you're like it's fine it's fucking fine it's just fucking my cum up and making my cum retarded all right i don't need the cum anymore i can have retarded cum yeah anyway we gotta end the episode. Goodbye, everybody. Bye. Bye. What the fuck is this piece of shit? Out in the West Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl

Nighttime would find me in Rose's Cantina Music would play and Paulina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Bolita Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for this Mexican mate I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a wild young cowboy came in