lemonparty - 077: Zombie Resistance Taskforce

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

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It's sad to see what old people have become. I'm on that light beam, always in my face. Talking, listening, girl I had the best of me. It's sad to see what old people have become. Yeah, sad to see what you've become, Grandma. Sad to see what you've become, Grandma. Like you're wrinkly now and I don't even wanna rape you. Yeah, looking at old pictures of your grandma, like you used to be hot, but now you get broke ass. Sad to see what you've become, Grandma.

You used to be in Times Square kissing a sailor, and now you're not. Sad. You turn to your grandpa like, you cool with this shit? She just like let her shit go and that's fine with you? Standing over your dead grandmother at her funeral and looking up and going, you're sad to see what she's become.

Yeah. Yeah. Or giving the eulogy at your grandma's funeral and you go, nah, She wasn't always worth it. Wow. She used to be really banging and had big fat titties. Grandpa shit himself. That's cringe. Pretty cringe, Grandpa. You're around people like, why don't you hold it together?

The Reddit commenter who works at a morgue, the Reddit commenter about is about dead people that they keep getting brought in. It's like, wow, looks like you shouldn't have pulled your wallet out, black kid. Sad to see what you've become. Looks like the cops shot you wrongfully. Sad, sad. Cringe.

You're fine. You're cringe, Jamal. Your fingers shouldn't have looked like weapons. All right, let me, before we start, really, before we actually start. There was like lint in it. Before we actually start, you're gonna need to figure that the fuck out.

Jesus Christ. Last episode, I listened to 10 minutes of the last episode, it was driving me up a wall. Okay, if there's not nicotine in that, you better fucking figure it out, because you are just coughing like a bit. The nicotine's the stuff that's bad for you No, it's not it's great for your brain. The flavor is good. Andrew human said it's good for your brain

Yeah, I think I took the cotton thing out of it you you so that way it's like taking ripping the filter off Yeah, the oil I ripped the coil out You're like Kurt Vonnegut. You're smoking palm oils without the filter. Yeah, dude, I'm hot knifing a vape juice. I have it on a knife over the stove. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're giving yourself immediate brain damage. You huff the knife and you can see a streak of white go through your vision.

Yeah, I'm hot railing a cotton candy, raspberry peach. I'm hot railing it. Yeah, yeah, you're using a gravity bong, a three liter Coke bottle. I'll try to be better about this. Yeah. You sounded like Roz from Monster's Ankle a little bit. People say I try to, I smoke vape juice like it's weed. Like I'm like, you gotta hold that shit in.

Yeah, you hold it in. Yeah. You're like, the coughing opens up the capillaries, gets you higher. Devin, you have a ghost of vape You got a ghost in here. You're eating a mango after you take a vape hit Fucking idiot It keeps you higher longer You need citrus

Hitting a hitting a no-nick vape and just be like you see this black and white poster of Alice in Wonderland, it kicks ass. It's velvet by the way this poster kicks ass. Oh boy. Dude, they don't even sell vapes in Buc-Ease. I was in, I went to like three different Buc-Ease. No one is interested in it. Because their patrons can barely breathe as is. Yeah.

If a Buc-Ease patron smokes a vape, his lungs will collapse like a mind shaft. The vapes at Bucky's are full of oxygen. Dude, their throats are reinforced. They have the same technology that built the channel is keeping their throats open. Yeah, the way you can refill your propane tanks at 7-Eleven, they have that for oxygen tanks.

Yeah, they have it for oxygen, yeah. People go in there to fill up their brain with juice. Yeah, it's for breathing and for killing a great white shark at the end of the eyes. Can you turn on the air? I got four quarters can turn the air and they shove it in their mouth. Oh Thoughts I'm thinking again. They're so retarded. They think they've been oh I can make it home now I remember my directions home. They're so retarded. They think they've been scuba diving for like 20 years I guess I've been buguba diving for like 20 years. I got a side butt buggy in the air up my brain.

I got a flat in my head. Can I? Because I got, there's a nail in my head. I gotta get it patched. Do you mind if I refill my air cartridge at the slushy machine? I like to put a little chair blast in it. Yeah, so anyway, I'm at stall 97

Cuz there's a hundred guests. Yeah I'm it's I'm at stuff 4500 it took me two days to get here. Take me two days to walk here from my You see fat skeletons on the way back like a desert I see fat skeletons on the way back, like a death suit. Fat skeletons. Yeah, the bones got fat. The rib cage is just a plate they all drew together. Yeah, and the vultures are fatty shit.

That had been picking them apart. Yeah, the vultures fucking are wearing Hawaiian shirts. The, my entire Southwest flight on the way back from Texas, it was like the cast of Hey Arnold. I don't know what is becoming of people now. everybody is like a triangle or a trapezoid? Brain yeah, or scary skinny like they look like Helga or like his grandfather Yeah, like there was like a couple guys that had the Gerald Like Gerald haircut, but they're white guy. They're like red-haired white guy is Yeah, this guy next to my wife. I texted you guys about this the guy said fuck your wife this guy

Well me and Katie did the aisle method with the baby What's that where we both took aisle seats so we could keep top cross tossing the baby back and forth It's easier because we're getting up and down. I thought you were gonna say you kept the baby in the aisle That's just where you kept her Yeah, people gotta hop over. No, we did that. So my lady that I got on my side was a big fat British lady and there was no one between us.

And she just had the loveliest fucking voice which is like, oh, what? She was like almost Irish. She was so British. Oh, can you pass the double fudge? Ah! You got a big potato. Oh, Sonny boy, my Lipitor fell on the cabin floor. Can you pick it up for me? Chives and sour cream on my baby.

British street food pour some baked beans on her head. Put some poutine on that baby. I'll eat her up. I will. She ruled and then on my wife's side was this guy he never spoke to me the entire flight. He looked like Beetlejuice before he died. Okay. He had scars all over his body. Of course, yeah. I mean, literally, he had his giant scar across here

as if he got, he was like, yeah, I don't fly in helicopters anymore. I'm only on planes now. My wife's Wolverine. He hit on my fucking wife's Wolverine. He hit on my fucking wife, the entire flight in front of me, which was really awesome, actually. Yeah, it really rules. He kept showing her. He's like, yeah, I got this. And it was like that scene in Jaws when they're all showing scars.

He like pops his leg up on top and like pulls that down. He's like, Thrasher, right there. This is seven. I got this scar from trying to fuck a guy's wife on a sprint flight. pops his leg up on top and pulls that down. He's like, Thrasher, right there, 77. I got this scar from trying to fuck a guy's wife on a sprint flight. I got this one. I was on a Delta flight.

I tried to fuck this guy's wife. He beat the shit out of me. He pulled this line at her at one point, and I guffawed. Really leaned over. He goes, you know, actually, I love kids. Oh my God. He kept getting sadder throughout the flight.

One line that my wife told me after. Yeah. Was he goes, uh, yeah. I goes, he goes, I, he goes, what kind of bags do you got? And she was like, what? He's talking about titties. No, the, the bags like, oh, he goes, I have a, I actually have Smith stone. They're my mother's.

I live with my mother. That's when you know, you're really not about to fuck somebody when you're reaching for that this guy It was one of the biggest retards I've ever seen in my life showing her the scars Then he said that then he revealed he lives with his mom and he goes Yeah, my mom wants me to get married and I'm looking you know But I told her I can't get married until I find a girl who can you know tolerate me more than a few days? I was like man alive Wow We leave he's taught this is I wouldn't tell this story if there wasn't some incredible ending I could not believe what I saw. I was see if you guys can guess it

He followed us to baggage claim. He kept hitting on my wife the entire time Mm-hmm, and then he left and Katie tried to give him like a nice like the entire time and then he left and Katie tried to give him like a nice like That was great to you know that fake thing never see them again. You're on a flight You guys we this you know we had a time and you will never see each other Yeah, whatever, and he he did not give a shit at all because he was pissed off Yeah, but he didn't get we didn't get it in so he's done. Yeah, he gets into a vehicle I look it's a lifted Jeep with it's like a dually Kind of truck thing where the tires are really wide and retarded by two Clydesdales. He's like the Budweiser, man

It was a fucking Jeep Wrangler. I'm like a fucking course and it's lifted huge tires Yeah, the guy the only guy I'm looking for. I'm like, okay, that's his dad. He can't his dad's picking him up He lives with his parents. He's 35 Beard and the whole thing I go his dad looks like him, but 30 years older fucking loser. His dad tries to fuck Katie Ma'am hello You know, I actually hate kids, you know, actually I hate my fucking kid. Oh By the way, really rocky landing when we were landing. It was so crazy that I clipped my seatbelt

and I leaned over. Katie had the baby and I put my hand on the baby because it was like, we came in sideways and our will hit like this and then we slammed. So I preemptively, it was so rocky, I put hand on my wife and my baby and held her like that, terrified. Well, it's a Southwest flight.

Like at this point Flava Flav walks out of the cockpit. He's like, any of y'all wanna fuckin', anyone wanna come up here and fly this fuckin' thing? Southwest flight they're like, all right lay across your baby cause you're about to get fucked up. Southwest you just jump on the back of a bird. Southwest they actually pick up guys going like this

in hot air balloons. There's a guy in a hot air balloon. So I go my way Cleveland you're flying South West like is that mr. Magorium? We're gonna get in his hot air balloon. Yeah, Southwest has a guy in the bottom like peddling a bike very quickly It's so bad. I've hand across he three sees me do this He reaches over a hand on top of my hand Dude what a power he put his arm on top of mine like his isn't enough resistance I'm the strong one like all because we were like

Fuck sure almost yeah, it's people were clapping when we finally land really so bad Yeah, we came in and like a storm and stuff People were clapping when we finally landed. So bad, yeah. We came in in like a storm and stuff. Anyway, so that was like, I could not believe what he did. You got cocked by the way, I have to say. I got cocked. And by the way, he had the biggest iPad

you could possibly buy, which is how you know he's a retard. He bought it from a McDonald's. It was a screen. Look at this Ned Flanders looking ass, motherfucker, Ned Flanders ass. Can't even protect his own damn baby and shit. Can't even do the fucking human seatbelt on his baby. Dude, it would be funny if he tried to do that to impress Katie and he just kept fucking knocking around.

He puts his hand and he kills the baby. He hits her. He's like, your baby's being a bitch We're having like the CPR on the baby. Yeah, he's like it's it's fine It's fine He was watching like Star Wars cartoons the whole thing he's retarded. I think there's like a Clone Wars Animated Clone Wars. I think that's what it was. Was there Obi-Wan with like the big fake pointy beard? It might have been video games, Jace.

I'm really not sure. He pre-downloaded some nightmare. He was like, I'm on the flight to catch Pokemon. You know, I saw a guy the other day somewhere, I forget where it was, cause my memories are just the amalgamations of my own former memories. But it was a guy that flew somewhere else to catch Pokemon.

Really? He's still on Pokemon Go and he flew to another state. He's like, I'm here to catch Pokemon. I'm here to get killed by Gabby Petino's ex-husband. Oh, it was an auditor. It was one of those auditor guys. Like, you know those guys that film outside a post office? He asked them what he's doing in the town. The was like I'm catching Pokemon I'm catching Pokemon and I'm

asserted my First Amendment rap so he talked to a travel agent for like catching Pokemon yeah yeah the Pokemon are calling the police on him because they won't you won't leave them alone which I didn't even think people were I thought Pokemon go like ended kind of like eight years ago yeah the last I heard of it was Hillary Clinton saying Pokemon go to the polls in 2016 Which I'm still fucking pissed about yeah, I'm still like fuck libs Here yeah, I forget real quick the Jeep Wrangler He got and I saw an emblem on the side

And I was like no fucking way cuz I've seen like five Jeeps with the Jurassic Park logo on the side I mean this motherfucker really is getting in the dress and I I took another glance Huge emblem swear to God it said is on the giant red emblem with a skull on it zombie resistance task force What does that mean? He's got this fantasy where he fights on He finds there's a big grill on the front of the Jeep and everything, so his dad is like a guy who fantasizes about killing zombies,

and that's his Jeep that he decked out. For the apocalypse, he think may or may not happen if there's like a I am legend kind of thing. Zombie resistance task force, swear to God, Devin, right hand to God, I'm not making that up. Did he have like a hat on throughout the flight? I fucking lost it. Did he have like gloves and stuff like that? Like a leather vest?

Was he wearing any leather? He had big DC shoes. He kind of looked like. He looked like his fish taco shop just went bankrupt. Yeah, he looks like he's still. That he owned in Oceanside. He looks like he stole 200K in PPE loans. He had big DC shoes covered in caliche dust. He looks like he stole 200K in PPE lunch.

He had big issues covered in Kaleechee dust. Like he went on a hike one day and like he just became a missing person. And he's like talking to Katie is like, so here's the thing. Like we should have like put the mango coleslaw fish tacos, but we didn't go for that. And really everything. Biden shut my business down because I tried to fuck all my employees. Tried to fuck all my 17 year old servers. I straight up got cucked for three hours by him.

He never said one word to me. Tried to fuck my wife the entire time. I never said a god damn word and he gets in the zombie. And he ignored my wife when she was trying to be nice to him too. So he then big timed her. Because he was upset. Yeah because she didn't give up a pussy.

Can I tell you that? He goes it's crazy you didn't throw this baby on the ground and fuck me in the mile-high club And that guy has such cognitive dissonance that I Messaged you that that guy was like got in the car and he was talking to his daddy and he goes Yeah, there was this lady on the flight. She totally wanted to fuck me, but her husband was there Yeah, she wanted to fuck the shit out of me. I saved the baby from flying across the plane She had a really weak husband that doesn't fuck her good And he tried to do the seatbelt thing I had to help because he sucks

And then the dad drove him back to his fucking room in La Jolla with a fucking race car chair Yeah, that he sits in front of and just plays video games all day. He's a fucking baller Yeah, his race car bed that's the exact same as the Jeep. I was going to say the Jeep, the zombie thing, that means, you know, he got those scars from accidents with a katana and a pack of water bottles in his backyard. He said, yeah, probably. He had a giant one here all across his hands.

He had gauges like slicked back Beard red checkered shirt. What are those white guys with gauges? Interesting. Okay. Yeah the Zombe but he's the zombie resistance task force. He's one of God's most retarded soldiers Yeah, a guy was not supposed to survive past 2013 He said he actually said he goes I got a lot of these scars because when I was born I weighed two pounds my parents tried to kill me when I was born I suck so much my dad put me in a blender like the movie gremlins he goes a you know you know what a lot of people tell me actually I don't have a twin sister but a lot of people think my sister's my twin sister even though she's 13 years my junior

She's 21 and then he showed a picture of his sister and she totally looked nothing like him. She goes Yeah, everyone thinks we're twins, but I go no I'm actually 35 and uh yeah, she graduated college and I didn't so yeah damn Goddamn, is it anyway? I love kids. I love kids. I'll fuck you, please I'll say I like kids if you fuck me, please one of the worst dudes Type of guy that gets drunk and he goes to a sushi stop and he asks for the new halo Yeah, he thinks he thinks in halo they live on a big California roll. That's what Halo is.

He goes, give me the tempura fried GTA. He goes, no, nothing is lining up with his life anymore. He goes to sushi stop, he goes, can I just get the tempura batter, not the food instead. Unless he was just a pedophile. No. He was like a long, but he confessed, no one will date him and he's like chronically alone

And his mom wishes he moved out. Mm-hmm I feel bad for the guy cuz he like he was cut up pretty bad, right? He looked like yeah He looked like his parents just like kind of twined him like a pot roast before you put it in the oven They do that to him before he goes to bed. Yeah, they put a barbed wire fence around his room. He keeps trying to escape. Yeah. And in the middle of the night, he's tangled up in it.

He goes. Just clotting himself to bits. Yeah, these scars, my parents keep me captive in their basement. Yeah. You see this? I'm a prisoner of my dad. This guy right here, I was trying to get

a three-ounce dad coke bottle with a katana, came back on me, bounced off right into my kneecap. I'm kind of like my own Israel Castro. Yeah, this one right here, I got Ninja Stars from the mall and I tried to throw it, I threw it right up in the air, came down into my neck. Type of guy that so raises, he escapes from captivity, but a black guy eating McDonald's saves him,

and he goes, no, no, I'll go back, I'll go back. Yeah, it sounds- Texas does a number on people, dude. Was he landing in LA, though? Yeah, because his dad picked him up in the zombie resistance task force. So he was a SoCal sunburned piece of shit. Yeah, I don't know what he was doing in Dallas, actually.

He was trying to do January 6th. Dallas is the dorm room for like sunburned Southern California. It really is. He's probably flying there because he's like the cheesecake factory hits different. He's like, I was visiting all my frat friends, but like now I'm back like in the real world. Right. I got kicked out of the University of North Texas two weeks in. So I go back some time. I work at a zoomies in the mall.

I just sell giant shoes. He commutes. I go back sometimes. I work at a Zoomies in the mall, I just sell giant shoes. He commutes. I sell giant shoes. He commutes to Dallas. I commute to Dallas to work at the Zoomies. Because of the state income tax. Yeah. He goes, my fucking 14 year old girlfriend

keeps stealing from Claire's. I gotta go bail her out. I gotta bail that bitch out. I have a long distance 14 year old girlfriend. Luckily they don't charge minors too heavily. My 14 year old long distance girlfriend won't fucking touch my dick. She won't jack me off.

You know I gave her the new G-Eazy album and she's still just not touching me. I told her to take me to prom but she said it's like four more years before she goes. Dude Tux just did a number on me. I kind of had this fantasy that I go to like barbecue places and just eat like turkey and green beans or something. No, you just eat sludge.

You just eat hamburger helper and shit. I was on a walk with my baby. I was pushing her on the stroller like 8.30 and I was just wandering around. I went past a Krispy Kreme and then they were closed on the inside and I pushed my daughter on a stroller through the drive through of a Krispy Kreme and I got six donuts

damn I like four of them. Yeah, I only was gonna eat you're allowed to walk through the drive-through Yeah, they don't care. Oh and LA it's a big deal. Yeah, I know but Homeless people, you know in Texas. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, goddamn I got the the batter the birthday cake donut they have one that's like there's birthday cake on the inside or something and then I got a raspberry cream one and then a they go to you a custard and they go do you want some of these special breast

milk donuts for your baby girl we got Lorraine in the back she makes donuts out of her titty milk we could give her one you keep setting up trips to Texas just to eat you do yeah I know yeah Cuz I know what they're serving like half the plate just looks like a white slop Yeah, and then there's one protein on the plate You're getting big red in Texas and cooking it like it's methamphetamine on a sheet So it gets hard and you can break it into little pieces just eating like like fucking brisket grenades I have to pull a pin on my food and swallow it

Go and go into the barbecue place and be like I'll get give me all the gristle You're gonna throw out give me some of them NATO rounds. Can I get some of the juice in a big cup? Give me the juice. Give me the drippings and some and a stick of butter You what? Yeah, you walk up, you put a $50 down, you go, give me, I go to the back room with the drippings. I know you got it. I know you got a secret back room with the drippings. Give me one hour.

They got the stuff we throw out that falls off of the stove? The stuff that raccoons keep eating and dying. The EPA keeps trying to shut it down. Yeah, don't let them get their mitts out of it. I go, did they get their mitts out. I go, did they get their dirty raccoons get their mitts out of drippers? I'd still eat it, but I don't want them to. I love the Texas people so much more though,

because then you fly back to California and they're like, the baby's gonna cry. You fly back to California and the guy that owns Wahoo's Fish Tacos trying to rape your wife. And then in front of him, this fucking blasting sublime trying to finger bang your baby on the flight.

Of course, you saw the guys way more deranged. A human billabong. No, it's like the guy in front, like, you know, he's a homosexual, like Saudi, like Muslim, Arab type of guy who's like who kept doing like one of these. If the baby like, God forbid, the baby cries. Yeah, because he can't believe there's babies that are alive. He doesn't even know how he was born.

I don't even know how I made it to 20. Yeah. He goes, how did my parents not bludgeon me to death and make hummus out of me? He's actually not mad about the baby crying. He's mad that a woman is speaking. Yeah. He counts the baby as a woman.

He'd fucking roll his eyes and then open his phone and he would scroll on Instagram and just scroll past buff, like really buff. You wanna know the defense is that if you're- That's your life. Your life is shitty and it sucks and it's disgusting. If you were ever in a big thing with that guy, you go, hey listen, bub, you're in a Southwest flight,

you fucking loser. How are you a Saudi with no money? You're a Saudi with no money, you bum. You're beyond bums. Yeah, he's rolling his eyes at your baby and then fingering a box cutter under his blanket that he wears. Fuck off.

Yeah, fuck you. The most miserable people are mad about it on the flight that the baby might cry for like a minute. I have a good baby. Like don't give me the fucking eye roll and then go back to your shit life where you just look at hot guys on Instagram. Your life sucks ass, it doesn't matter.

Let's not pretend Muslims don't love screams, okay? Their whole goal is to one day, you know, fucking inflict pain on a city. Yeah, he was mad the baby was stealing his shine, that he couldn't yell a lot. It was Zokar Sarniev. He was like, the baby's getting too much attention. I'm the hot one. I'm sick of these. I was on the baby's getting too much like fucking too much attention. I'm the hot one I'm sick. It's like I was on the cover of Rolling Stone. Yeah, I took people's legs off and I'm really fuckable I'm sick of these gay Muslims though. Yeah, you can't be gay and Muslim enough you got it

You're gonna be if you're Muslim you're gay. You got a good picture skin. I gotta pick one You got a pic you got a bleacher skin. You got to be white Yeah, don't be worried or you got to pretend to be Mexican. Yeah, don't be wearing the head blanket and then be fucking a guy in the ass. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, it's not okay fucking pissing me the fuck off And the guy behind him with like fucking burn wounds on his face mad that the baby cried like for a little bit Fuck off your life sucks ass and you're looking for a reason to be miserable then you go back to doing fucking nothing fuck all I mean, I'm on your side at all times, but at the end of the day I know you hate babies on play. It's a baby on a flight. So yeah

I will be I gotta say when I do hear a baby crying. I sit up in my chair and I turn around Yeah, I always look. I look I go fucking I don't know chloroform that thing. I get behind my knees in my chair I stood up and looked like that You did that? No a guy stood up and looked at my wife like that when the baby was crying for like about a minute. He was just getting a down breast shot. He pretended to be readjusting himself. Yeah, yeah. He was a fucking asshole.

I wanted to kick his fucking ass. Yeah. He looked like fucking John Voight fell in the deep fry. Cock sucking asshole. What if it was John Voight? He goes, is that my kid? Your daughter's a whore who's adopted more fucking tan babies than anyone on earth Yeah, he leans over he goes be careful your daughter's gonna fuck Billy Bob Thornton

You know, why don't you get this punching bag back to Brad Pitt retard? Oh, dude. I forgot about the zombie resistance Because do you know what it's like to have 85 black grandchildren? It's just dude not to make it like story hour or whatever But like I'm almost I'm almost done here or whatever the sure I won't apologize who gives a shit, right? The one last thing the zombie resistance task force guy did You know women when they breath have you ever seen a woman breastfeed in public? Oh, yeah No, I have I have it's it's on very uncomfortable Well, but if they have a huge blanket over them instead of doing the thing that's bullshit with the titty out

Yeah, so my wife puts on a big nursing blanket over so you you don't even know anything's happening You don't even know the baby's underneath that's really fun You see the guy you see the guy pulling up a big mirror that he's trying to poke under it He stayed he did he fucking did He stared at her as she was breastfeeding the baby. Like looking down where her tits are. That's insane. That's actually insane. For like about 30 seconds before he went back to his screen

I was looking at him like, dude. Like if you see a woman breastfeeding, obviously you give her privacy. I'm like, dude, here's the thing, man. It's like you can't expect that out of the rest of humanity. No, I can't. If a woman takes your team, come on. For a utilitarian purpose, it's not a strip club.

You're dealing with human weather. You're on a Southwest flight. You're going to hit some fucking rain and hail. There's going to be some turbulence, man. Maybe I'm the asshole then. I don't know. There's 100. How many people are on a flight?

150? 150, yeah. Too many. 10 of those Psychopaths that don't care about any on yeah, you're on Southwest. It's the bus of the sky Yeah, yeah people are fat issued on the Southwest flights. It's very funny Yeah, they're so fucking fat and all the steward all the flight attendants are so gay. Yeah, there's they're all like Joe It's a bunch of Jonathan Van Ness's just like, oh my god, honey, I'm gonna crush you like a bug.

Southwest is so shitty they have the only ugly gay stewards in like the entire flight industry. Yeah. It'll be like a fat gay guy who's like, I'm gonna go to the fucking thing. You get on a Southwest flight. Gay guys that don't get pussy. Gay guys that can't fuck gay guys.

Gay guys that get on Grindr and go Shut I can't fuck people in the most sinful environment You get on a Southwest flight and like Magic Johnson's like trans kid like asks you if you want like peanuts fucking game is potato head six nine gay potato had Wayne Wade's kid comes up the aisle and goes like it's okay. He's a fucking ass He's some Here's some pretzels. I was on a Southwest flight recently and there was a there was a gay guy who had glitter on his eyes

Yeah, yeah, walking down the aisle and I was like, I don't want to you know, I don't Know you should go to hell. They're wild dude because they land in different cities and they just go To the let the local they have they party all night. That's why I get it. I do it is so they can have a bunch of yeah Flight attendants for the anonymous gaze. Yeah What's even funnier on the Southwest flight is everyone is like is like over 350 pounds some I was on a flight recently and Gerard Carmichael asked me if I wanted soda water While he was filming you for his new HBO Then he asked me if he could suck my toes

And you said no and then he looked at you like a fucking puppy dog I gotta say like listen, I don't say this about gay people but Gerard Carmichael. What a faggot And I mean it in the derogatory faggot. And I mean it in the derogatory sense. And I mean it in the mean way that doesn't have to do with him being gay, but like that's the reason that word exists. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Just him pulling up a stool next to your aisle on Southwest. When that word comes out, people mean like, oh, you're a narcissistic, exhibitionist, self-indulgent, self-absorbed psychopath who thinks a show about you fucking men And and trying to force Tyler creator to let you fuck him in the ass is like art Yeah, we just watched a couple episodes and by episode two it was him sitting in a chair being like I like licking balls I like eating spit. I like drinking come I I love sex, like I came out at 30,

so like I'm like sexually 17. He's like throwing dildos at a wall, like it's darts. Yeah, dude, he's gay Tucker Max. Yeah, he is. I will say there is nothing interesting about that guy except that he is gay. And no one. And I don't think that's even real.

And that's not interesting. It's not interesting. And I think it's also calculated in fake you came out as gay at 30 in 2023 he's gay in the way like one of Caligula's slaves was gay he's just trying to get through the day you know he's trying to get a promotion yeah no literally and then he goes to like the fucking Emmys like dressed like you know fucking superfly and then like fucking you know all these producers stare and pointed and what? is a pet yeah, I

Like him I want to do a show where I just keep harassing Earl sweatshirt and being like I'm standing in his driveway like asking To fuck me in the ass And I was just his postmates driver. I have numbers still from postmates I just keep texting him every day like hey, man. The Emmys are in four days, like I'm a caterer, like I need a date, can you fuck me in the ass? He's like, I haven't showered in six weeks. Earl Jizzrag. And then there was the fucking, what was it,

Alex Edelman? Oh yeah, definitely. Made me watch his Alex Edelman special. Jesus Christ. Unbelievable. Yeah, which should, I think they showed his special, I think they showed his special at the Hague when they were talking about Israel. He comes out as evidence that the Jews have added nothing to art in the last 20 years. Comes out like pigeon toed and frail.

He looks like a light breeze would kill him. And he's telling the most boring stories of all time, ultimately getting into like I wound up in aNazi rally and I didn't know it, but I loved the pastries. Oh my God. I watched that and I was like, if I worked for the JDL, I would be like, we gotta take him out,

because this is bad PR. This is terrible for the Jewish community. Yeah, you'd be like, I heard there was actually a terrorist group inside Alex Edelman's ass. I think we should fire a rocket at it. I think there's a school hiding under Alex Edelman's ass. And we have to bomb it.

Yeah, because I saw him performing in 2015, and he was doing that, like, I'm a little baby boy, I'm a little nerdy boy, and then fast forward eight years, it's beneficial to be some type of fucked up thing. And he's like, actually I'm a human pickle that walks around New York. And I'm a little gay pickle boy. You put being Jewish in the category

of being a fucked up thing. Yeah. It's so funny. Well, am I wrong? I love pickles. You see these people, they never mentioned they're Jewish once for years and all of a sudden They actually are actively hiding it until you know, yeah, they bring it up any second until it's a straight white guy

He's like for you know fucking weird guess who category things to have these are just the new things in HBO We didn't put them out and they're unfortunately It's the only thing I do give my undivided attention you can put on like we put on like seven samurai We all got on our phones. They're fascinating. But then we put on Alex Edelman special. And you go, oh my God. It's captivating.

Unbelievable. How did 30 minutes just roar by? There you go. Like a monsoon. You watch, you go, wow, look at Jeffrey Katzenberg's cousin go. I feel like I'm in a hurricane of time when Devin puts on a new Netflix special.

Yeah. Like. Yeah. Just everything is moving very quicklyh, shh, shh. Just everything is moving very quickly. He's pacing very quickly back. It's like you're fast forwarding my life like I'm in Click. That's what I'm here for.

Essentially. I do a show called Hate Watch. Yeah. All I do is look at bad shit all day and I go, what are you up to? Yeah, but you're like a sommelier for watching things that make you very angry. I put it in my nose, I go, oh, the notes suck ass.

Oh, the legs are terrible. See, I do that with cups of shit because I'm into morbid people who really stink and suck ass and should be killed and have no worth. Here's the thing, though. You love people that they're too retarded to even know they're doing bad. I love people that I know know better.

Yeah, but are sociopaths. But are sociopaths. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like all the sinners come to me. And I go, that's more insane to me. Because they have the self-awareness. The people you love are too doped up on fucking, you know, high fructose corn syrup and like fried food to like really know, they're not doing anything.

They're just fat as shit. They're not malevolent people. So you're interested in like the sociopathy around, someone goes, what do I need to be to be a writer staffed on a show or get an HBO special? Exactly, I'm fascinated by the people that I've met in my life where they look at me and they just see my IMDB star number above my head.

And they go, should I talk to this guy or should I not? Is he human or not? The fat guy, those fat guys you, like, we talk shit about, they would talk to us. They don't discriminate. I'm fascinated by racists of status. Status racists.

That's a fascinating thing to me. And then me on the other hand, though, I like, I found a video today of a, like a 300 pound guy get hit by a truck. And that's, that was, I mean, you did, it was funny. You did show me that. Yeah. You show that to me.

And then we laughed at it and said, we're glad he's dead. We said that several times. It's so funny because I, do you think we could show it actually? Um, I mean, that's your judgment call on that one Yeah, I mean I Devin hasn't seen it. Yeah, I do want to show it. You can't really the TV is purposefully Do it justice. Yeah, but this guy really goes flying. I didn't see this. I'm gonna show Devin Devin You're good. This is a this is something that you're really gonna enjoy This is some guy liking like Mobile, Alabama

or something like that. Some guy just. No, it's actually where Lynch shot Blue Velvet and like Wilmington, like South Carolina or North Carolina or some shit. I always mix up the Carolinas because I don't give a shit. Yeah, this is one of those places.

There's a lot of room and nobody that should occupy. Yeah, a place where you hear somebody's moving there and you go, oh, well, that's a decision. And I go, well, you're dead now. Well, and then as I'm looking at you, I'm deleting you out of my phone contacts. You give them a living funeral. Right.

You go, enjoy it. Yeah, they're moving there in like a Viking boat that's on fire. They're like, you come visit me in Charleston, won't you? You're like, sure. As you're firing a big arrow into the sky, delight it. A big fiery arrow. Memorializing your entire life.

We'll come visit you, and then just, pshh. Here we go. Here we go. This was great. So basically what's happening here, because I read the news story about it is this It's a this all takes place in a Burger King parking lot Mm-hmm, and this guy is trying this guy in the safety vest is trying to stop a carjacking

Yeah, that's not he's not it's not his car. Oh, he's just a construction worker. That's like Fuck just a good Samara like yeah Yeah, like citizen's arrest guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's gonna fire at this guy. Who's getting their carjacked? So this guy is carjacking this car, see? That truck? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this fast guy pulls out a gun. Pulls out a gun. He shoots five times. He shoots at point-point range and misses the guy. Wait, he's not shooting. I talked to my friend, well it's because he missed so many times, he's too fat, and now he's walking back to Burger King. So now he's walking back to Burger King the car backed up and now it's pulling forward

Dude it hit him it hit him like four times dude. He kept bouncing him in the air like a skipping stone a Fat skipping stone. A fat skipping stone. Wait, what the fuck? So that guy hit him because he was like, I can't believe you shot at me. I never saw the guy shoot though. He pulled the gun to the window and shot five times. His hand's so fat you can't really see the gun. It's like that scene where Vito kills Jackie Jrr. And the guns that big and his fat hand

Yeah, but god damn he shot at it literally from a foot away and missed I think cuz he's like diabetes Just took his vision. He can't see anymore He's firing through the window away from the guy's head and the guy yet hit him going like fucking 50 miles an hour Did they catch him? They caught the carjacker and that guy like, he got hit, unfortunately he did pass away. Yeah, but from an unrelated heart disease. Yeah, the carjacker's not being tried for murder. Yeah, yeah, they're like, he actually had a stroke a couple seconds before the event happened. I kind of, I was thinking about it,

what I would do if I was that fat guy, if I was running and I knew he was gonna hit me, I would pull out the gun and blow my head off the moment I get hit by the truck. No, the moment I'm about to get hit by the truck, I blow my brains out. And then he'd hit me too. And then the driver's like, ah darn it, eh, thanks.

That'd be the funniest thing. Can you also imagine this fat guy laying on the ground dying and he's looking up at a Burger King sign and he thinks he's in heaven? He sees the bright light, but it's just a Burger King sign. And he goes, yeah, hallelujah, baa baa. Then he goes to hell for being fat.

If it's true, like suppose your soul leaves your body, it floated through the Burger King sign to get to heaven. His soul tried to leave his body, but it couldn't get off the ground. So it was just stuck at the ass. He just floated like a cartoon dog over the whoppers being cooked Yeah, he's what he floated like when a balloon is like run out of too much air and just kind of like stocks your floor Yeah, he died no, he died that's a real man It's funny because like it's the insurance companies cover the car

So he's like I am I am in the I'm in the guy co army sir Yeah, I will make sure that insurance company does not have these like this man's is my duty that a Mexican guy does not get $1,500 for reselling this at a chop shop. He's basically he enlisted himself in the all-state army He's like I will protect anybody's car no matter what so the insurance company does not get fucked over. This is my moment because I've been kicked out of the police force for being fat eight times. I'm at State Farm Easy Company, Platoon 184.

Here's the thing. Cholesterol, 258. I'm not gonna shit on these guys too hard because... Yeah, we've been pretty easy on them. Yeah, stop, been pretty easy on them A nice thing now because sometimes the guy who fantasizes about being the hero with the gun Sometimes he is actually the hero with the gun you go Thank God that guy was there to blow that guy's out off a sure Robin. Yeah, but this This guy was the loser with the guy

Who has this fantasy all day of being a hero. Can I tell you, he probably shot that bullet and hit a kid in the parking lot on the other side. Yeah. Probably a kid's head exploded 500 feet behind him. It probably killed a three-month-old black baby in Baltimore. It flew across the country.

And he goes, boozak. He goes, at least I'm done trying. And the car's racing to him. He goes, no, I'm done trying. And the cars, the cars race, and Jimmy goes, no, no, no, I was trying to shoot the bad baby. Just gets hit. Yeah. That's the thing, if you fantasize all day about being a hero and you can't really even

tie your shoes that quickly. I know. It's like, he's the quickest yeah you're make sure he ties his shoes You can't, you clearly has no proper training. When you're that close, you basically use your pistol like a staple gun. But you just push it to the guy's body and you fire. You don't like try to. These people forget the difference between mace and guns.

Cause like their wife has mace, they have a gun, you always use a, anything happening, you know. People use mace like pretty willy nilly now. And now the gun, if you just have like a simple like Glock, like people just pull that shit out. I see videos all day of people just like casually pulling guns out and just like firing like the entire round.

This does prove it's hard to use. Like that guy who gets passed on the highway, you know which one I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. The guy's just like firing like the entire round. Yeah, this is the guy who gets passed on the highway. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. The guy's just like, what are you driving? He's like, you are the day. And he just starts shooting out of his car. Somebody passed him and he just seemed to do. It's like shoving him back. He's not thinking about the severity of what he's doing.

It's just a moron. He has a fucking toy with him. Yeah, no, it's brutal. Yeah. Yeah, actually. It's insane. Yeah, but also a guy trying to be a hero is very gay. Especially being a hero for a company's property. People that stop people from stealing

from Target and Walmart. Yeah. It's like, dude, you really deserve whatever they are gonna do to you. Like, who cares? I know, every video I see of a guy trying to stop a black guy stealing at Walmart, just out of his like. I'm a corporate defender, I love corporate. There's a whole system in place for,

the money will be handled. They're not taking from a mom and pop store. If you're at like your local, you know, since 1937, like some hoagie shop and somebody's being a fucking asshole psycho and like robbing the place. Yeah. Shoot him in the fucking head. Sure. Yeah. I would do that. I should dig in the head. But like if I was in a Walmart and somebody had a bomb and they said, if you press this button, the Walmart won't explode. I would just walk past it and outside. I don't give a shit. I'm like I don't give a fuck blow this whole thing up with the people inside don't give a fuck

Who cares? Yeah Yeah, damn it anyway dude on the plane had it. I just remember this he had a giant bag of Skittles He kept eating and he ate them one by one like they were vitamins By the way, were you up? He kept going like I only eat the red ones and then he kept grabbing the wrong one He sucks the food dye off the Skittles and then spits out. He's like, I just eat it for the red dye, 40. He's cracking them like sunflower seeds.

He's like, he's cracking them like sunflower seeds. And he goes, I'm trying to watch my weight. Doctor says, I can't eat the inside of candy for a couple months. But the skins were all the vitamin, Jack. I love seeing one of the biggest retards I've ever seen out in the wild. It's so great.

A guy peeling a Snickers bar with a knife, like it's an apple, and then eating the insulin. It's the skin. Yeah, he's like, I don't like the skin. Just give me the nougat. He's left with soft caramel. Soft caramel nougat. He goes, now that's the stuff right there.

I like the goo. I like the goo. There has, by the way, there probably has been a guy. The steward comes by and he goes, she's like, what do you want? And he goes, can I get a 48 ounce for your batch steak? She's like, no, you can get a pack of peanuts. He goes, no, thank you.

A pack of peanuts. He goes, no, thank you. A pack of peanuts. A pack of peanuts. You trying to make me gay? I'm not gay. Like this Muslim up here. Yeah, like the damn Muslim. He's pointing at a Mexican guy, the damn Muslim. We all know Muslims are always gay. Yeah, that guy's staring at a Mexican gardener on the plane.

Think he's about to hijack it. Ben, what time did you have to wake up to tell me that Gracie was outside, by the way? Oh yeah, and then I checked the night, when did I check it? I took care of the dogs for the weekend. I have a bullshit $80 security camera in the backyard and it alerted me that someone was spotted

at like 2.30 in the morning. And you actually looked. And I looked and Gracie was wandering in the backyard in the dark. Yeah, she was all sad. So she was in the backyard first from tooth Yeah, she and then she I looked at and then it notified me on their ring camera She then she would go to the front yard. How'd she she kept going back and forth? Devin was what for folks listening at home Devin was watching my dogs as I was out of town visiting family in Texas

This is the last and one of them was come was Outside all night. I literally was on the couch watching Sicario to Day of the Soldado. And. That's how Gracie got out. She got inspired. Gracie got inspired by that. She dug a hole like a coyote.

I can almost 100% guarantee they were both in front of me as I'm falling asleep on the couch. With all the doors and windows closed. Both doors, every window's closed, it's the same shit. They were both in front of me as I'm falling asleep on the couch with all the doors and windows doors every windows closed It's the same shit and I wake up I wake up at 5 and I go to the bed Upstairs and I go to bed and then I wake up at 10 And I have like a million missed calls from Ben and a bunch of text messages like Devon Gracie's out front They wake up like oh, what the fuck and I run outside luckily. She's so retarded

She's just across the street and she runs right into the house But like oh she's too much of a coward to run away imagine if I killed Gracie. I mean honestly, they'd be pretty that's funny So she's the slave that like turned back. Yeah, actually yeah, you like got cold feet and then crawled back into the she couldn't She couldn't leave yeah, she's the slave who said I miss cotton candy, but anyway besides that the rest of the week I thought you know I fucking I loosened the bolts on Jojo see was Stuck I saw that driving to the convenience store. I saw she has to Has a wrapped Tesla in a wrapped Porsche Cayenne all with her face

I know and I've been looking at cuz she's been going viral for being retarded. Who is she? What does she do? There's one we talked about on the podcast I think but she's like her ex Disney star. Teen moms or no dance moms. Dance mom. But now she dresses like a fucking. Like Gene Simmons. Yeah, she's like she talks about she's like, I'm going to shove Dildo up my pussy.

But I saw a video of her dancing and being retarded in her driveway. And it's that driveway. I checked. It's the same place. If that's where Joe just lives. I kind of the whole trip, like I would go down to like go to the gas station and get something. Well, you were gone while I was staying here and I would just like drive by and I'd be like, I kind of like sit out here and just like hunt. I want to hunt her.

Dude, it would be. It makes you wonder if the guy who killed John Van A. Ramsey was that bad of a guy. Yeah, I don't really know. This lady grew up. I looked I look at the JoJo Siwa car and I go, you're my Lindbergh, maybe now. I'm going to nobody goes looking for. I'm gonna fucking take you. But nobody goes looking for it. I'm gonna take you.

It must feel pretty good to be the guy who killed JonBenet Ramsey by the way. Like if I killed JonBenet Ramsey, I'd wake up every day and be like, never cut me. Yeah. It's crazy. I'd brush my teeth, be like,

they don't know the way. Anybody that got away with a crime that that large Public eyes like you got to feel like that's so funny Yeah, I'd remember that every time I woke up with who I am and that was me what I got away You get from every day is a blessing. Yeah You get drunk at a bar in North Dakota like some blood bucket bar and you'd be like I killed you on my name. I Took her life And they're like sure you did Hit her on the head with a rock. Yeah, like a monkey Yeah, you raped and killed. I'm an area and I'm DB Cooper

No, I really well, I mean, that's the serial that's the zodiac killers the Gary Potch guy or no He was gay. He was hanging out with guys in the woods like, you know having gay relationships and then right Yeah, you know that he killed Pat Os you know having gay relationships, and then right yeah No, he killed Pat Oswald's wife. Yeah, that's right No, the Zodiac killer I forget the guy's name But there was a guy who died like a couple years ago The guy that took pictures with these guys in the woods, and they were like he said he was the Zodiac right? Yeah, they're like RIP Gary can't believe you were the Zodiac killer

Yeah, like he claimed to be the Zodiac for like the last 10 years, but he was just like a lonely fag. Yeah, yeah Hmm apparently right like actually like I was like by himself and like hung out with like two high school football In the woods. Yeah. Yeah, he was just hanging out with like the Kelsey brothers like in the Redwood Forest for the later part of his life Yeah, just being like I used to be sent. Yeah, I stabbed a woman in that. The zodiac was really he was like he was like Caesar from Planet of the Apes He's like I just live in Marin now I had to move to the Shimi Valley They were upset at me for the whatever I committed. Well, that was the BTK Dennis Rader I think it's his daughter got old enough and he goes all right

I was a young man damn to knock it off. They told her did he tell her yeah She and then she went on to try and have a career like in like talking about like crimes and stuff But it's like you're like a sick person. Yeah, you're sick. You should be aborted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was a serial killer I can't believe you have to retire from like raping. Like you have to retire from pretty much, I think everything actually. Yeah, your wife. A rapist that's on Tongat Ali to like keep his sex drive up. Down you mean?

He's like, yeah, he's, no, no, he's like, upset. He like doesn't have the urge to rape anymore. He's trying to keep his testosterone up. He's trying to keep the testosterone up. He's like on Tongat Ali, he's doing maca. He's like chewing root. Yeah, he's chewing. He's like on Tonga to Lee's doing Maka. He's like chewing root. He's like chicory root. I've been dead lifting to try and want to rape again.

See, I was thinking it's like his wife sits him down. He's like, OK, we had the second kid. You had your fun. No, no, no. Stop raping and killing women. He killed his wife because she was in his ear about all the rapes. Oh, he's, yeah, nag, nag, nag.

Don't rape that girl. It's funny. He kept raping for years. Okay, about all the rapes. Oh, he's yeah It's funny he kept like raping for like years, but he's like, yeah just going through the motions really there was no enjoyment in it For me anymore. I had to like take take like Viagra. Yeah, I mean like get it up He's getting like like like HGH right so he could like still have like the the energy to force like couples to like balance plates on their back as they're tied up as they're binded right he's raping a girl and he's having to visually think of himself getting raped to get hard and he's going like oh god it's so sick but it gets me hard i guess anyway i'm gonna blow your head off anyway anyway i almost came um i'm gonna blow your head off and then jerk off in your pussy. So they think I did He's like if you tell anybody in hell that I did this

Yeah taking blue cheese having to wait 45 minutes for them to kick in Yes, sir, I wish I got away with like a horrible horrible like thing you can't such bullshit It's like if you already like hate yourself and we're all there. Yeah, we're all good people I think I'm I don't know if I am though because like I think you have to like recognize the evil you see in the world Within yourself and that you too are capable of it to be like mm-hmm to like move on to the next level of whatever this shit Is right. I'm not capable of anything. I make fun of All these don't think so no, so I make fun of it It's a it's to it's to release how crazy that shit give me an example

This we just did a whole fucking You're not capable of that. Serial killer needing to be horny to rape again, Riff. I just sometimes think about I could never do any of that. Yeah, I think so too. Cause I already have done it. And I didn't like it, it wasn't for me.

It was a phase. A phase. Yeah, you know, we was college. You know, we was college, you know No, I do I do kind of wonder like, you know, like there's you know therefore but the grace of God go I like if there's a certain set of circumstances where I'm You know born in a completely different environment and you know, all of a sudden I'm leading an army of 90 African children into a war or something. Yeah know? Yep. With a big machete. Yeah, and you make them call you sir.

Yeah, I go, you put some respect on my African name. I go, my name is General Buck Faggot. You put some respect on it. Ben, you know how you're actually, simultaneously you're a good guy, but also like God knows what's gonna happen in the future, is how you reacted on that flight. What do you mean? That guy is like trying to fuck your wife. Yeah but he's a retard. Of course. So you made the smart decision be like there's no need I'm not gonna like start like a

thing on this flight we have like a couple hours. But it's true you're not one of those dads. But also that could add up in your brain and then later on you like kill a guy. Oh I could like murder, like Chris Benoit my family. You basically. Yeah Benoit. Benoit. Let's get it right.

Who's Chris Benoit? Chris Ben-Avery-Wa. It's Chris Benoit. Oh I thought it was Benoit. It's not Benoit. No. It's Benoit. It's Benoit.

Sorry I'm not classically trained in podcasting. Only a Frenchman could do that. Mm-hmm. Crisp, oh, because I always thought Crispin-Wa. I thought it was Crispin-Wa. It was like a Chinese guy, and then Crispin-Wa was another guy. Crispin-Wa?

Yeah. I thought it was like a thing you ordered at like, Pai Wai. No. Crispin-Wa. You thought you go order the Crispin-Wa from like, Dina Typhong at the Americana? I thought it was like a vegan Rangoon.

Like it's like. I didn't know. Right, you order it, they come out and kill your whole family. Like it's dim sum. I don't know, it's just like, part of me kind of wishes that I got to fight in Vietnam or something, or like we had a war that I could maybe enlist in, just to, I don't know, because like you come,

you like kill a couple guys that you, you know, you pull a trigger on a rifle, and you see a man drop out on a field somewhere, and you know that that decision you made took his life, and then you just go on living the rest of your life, and I think internalizing that somehow completes this, you know, it's a missing piece, kind of, where you can see the evil within yourself

then you can understand. Like, I think, I think kind of, I'm seeing all these retards eat a bunch of food on YouTube and I've done it for so long now, I'm starting to mimic their behavior, the kind of, like if you show chimps a bunch of war footage, like they start like, you know, like walking around, like talking like Hitler.'ve watched enough game tape.

It's like somebody trying to master it, like a corner fade away, but you've been doing it for like eating, you know, garbage fries or whatever. Yeah, eating hot fries dipped in ranch. Whatever it is. What is the Pittsburgh? What do they do in Pittsburgh?

They just like garbage play. They pour like blood all over there, like hot dog Yeah, it's like a it's like a bullet. They do the lead out of They cut their hand with a pocket squeeze their hand on We we call this day we call this the Philly milkshake You got a fucking bunch of mud then eat it I think you're thinking of the Cincinnati thing and Cincinnati they put a bunch of like ground to beef on

It's a garbage plate a spaghetti Garbage plate. Yeah, but I'm just saying like I don't know like Morality doesn't even like really make sense like life doesn't really make sense to me and like morality doesn't make sense And I don't even know like who's like what's bad and who's good and like I think maybe like having some sort of delineation Is making me gay and retarded and making me eat like a bunch of like Like making me go, huh? I'm walking my daughter on a stroller through a Krispy Kreme drive-thru on foot right now and it's 9 p.m Mm-hmm, and you're wondering what is the and I'm so in the custard out of the donut, right?

And you're wondering like toothpaste did I choose to walk this road? That's taking me to the baby Krispy Kreme moment or did the road appear underneath me and I have no choice to step off of it. I'm not gonna become the 300 pound dad, dude. I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna fucking kill myself on this podcast. You think the donuts. Respectfully, sir.

The donuts are just a cup for the custard. Yeah. You're sucking the custard out and you go, this cup is worthless now. Give me a frozen yogurt cup. You ask for a refill of water, they pour it in the donut. You're a Dracula for donuts. So you're saying I essentially think of donuts

as a waffle cone. Yeah, it's a holder. It's a plate. It's a plate for the sugary stuff inside. You suck all the custard out of it, wash the inside, and then put it on the dry rack. You keep them in your hand. You keep them in your car.

I just refill these. Yeah, you go, you know what? I'm gonna eat some gravy. And then you just spray it into a fucking custard, a fucking dough mold. That's so funny. Next to my flashlights that are drying on the rack. You have a rack for your flashlights

and a rack for your donuts. I have two dishwashers, one for donuts, one for flashlights. And so you always get it mixed up. You get really pissed. And you're like're like fuck I got cum in my dough Damn it. Yeah, I'm fucking a donut. Yeah, you're eating a probably wouldn't feel that bad Yeah, you microwave a doughnut and then stick your dick in it It's stick. It's sticky and it's soft. Yeah, I mean fuck what else does a guy I mean honestly like you take an aqua and shove While you fuck it down that

In a couple months, you'll be showing up to Chipotle with like a custom-sized tortilla you brought So they could fit all the food in it Yeah, they could finally roll it you're having to teach them how to make a mega burrito out of four tortillas I brought my own tortilla. No. Yeah, you're like one of those drunks Who's like you don't know how to make a seven and seven no need for the reinforcement I'm just saying what our rights you know are you sorry what our rights are you talking about like what is like free well? Like do I know what I'm saying is like you and you know you look you God forbid you know you open up the newspaper now You know you don't see anything about Jesus Christ you see people fighting over this. See stuff about Jesus coming over this border, folks.

Hey, see stuff about Jesus Christ. Jesus Christo. From Oaxaca. From Oaxaca, am I right, folks? They make great mole down there. By the way, Oaxacan food's disgusting. Nobody wants your string cheese with chocolate sauce. So spell the fucking name normal retard.

It's O-Hock-San. Yeah, O-A-X whatever. Yeah. Fuck off. Nobody wants boiled cactus, okay? I don't care that you're in the cartel and I'm supposed to be like, oh wow, oh my God, this is like a Sicario meal.

Devin's right. Fuck off with that. Learn to eat a fucking cheeseburger. Goyla gets a- And hit English on the ATM even if you can't speak itoyle gets a kind of stinks. Oh the Mexican restaurant and wise I try really hard, but it's like why am I eating a fucking cactus and an aloe vera plant with like moly? No, give me taco bueno. Give me taco Villa. Give me give me roses I love good Mexican food, but also Mexicans is like they should embrace the fusion

Give me Rose's Cafe. I love good Mexican food, but also Mexicans is like they should embrace the fusion. It's time to get the fucking sour cream. Let's get the other things in there. Give me an orange chicken burrito. Put some fries in it. Put some fries in it. All right, I'm surfing today.

I'm a surfer. Where's the ketchup? Where's the ketchup? Give me the ketchup for my bean burrito. Why is there not ground beef with cheddar cheese? Yeah, I need some A1 for my carne asada burrito. Can I get some tartar sauce for my nachos? Putting mustard on your enchiladas.

God damn America. Putting your burrito in a hot dog bun with relish and eating it. Yes sir. I'm just saying you see people getting bombed to hell every which way and then you go well, maybe You know, none of these things are actually like rights, you know Like you to get killed or you don't get killed and that's just sort of like the law

That is actually the law of the land and like all this stuff. We've built up over here is like kind of fake You know, we're gonna see the world like like yeah, you're becoming a blood meridian dad Yeah, I know No well I'm just saying like I guess we kind of take it all for granted and we build up these fantasies of what society and culture is,

and none of that is actually true at all. Here's the thing. And they're before the grace of God, go I'm not getting blown up by a big Israeli keg. Well you will soon. Like Israel's not dropping a piano on my head. We're gonna be conscripted soon if these sand animals can't stop

They're crazy today the Iranians Apparently like the Caucasians they started bombing Israel their white either white They're like the original white people I guess but like well they all look like phil leotard, but yeah, yeah exactly Yeah on their side and so they started they started bombing Israel and so there might be a big thing And so, you know fucking I whenever I hear like oh a new things happening and there might be world war three I start eating really badly and doing whatever I want cuz I'm like, I hope I'm unhealthy enough to be drafted That's if they do the draft we're all gonna have to get really fast really quickly We have to get fat cuz I ain't doing that. I'll trade you guys like I'm Burgess Meredith

Teaching you guys how to really get into it You literally doing the private policy and where you sit the doughnut in our mouth I'm Burgess Meredith and rocky and I'm going I'm going you're gonna eat ice cream and shit diarrhea. I Re-watched Full Metal Jack. I think maybe Full Metal Jack It just made me think about war a lot and like how fucked up it is right? It's bad. I was I watched that was like like this is a mind fuck This is a total fucking right you watch you watch Fullmetal Jacket and Gomer Powell kills himself You like that war might be bad, and then they kill the Vietnamese girl you go

Maybe you gotta crack a few eggs Gotta make an amulet that movies like obviously so genius, but and you go, well, maybe it's not too bad. But maybe you gotta crack a few eggs. Gotta make an omelet. That movie's obviously so genius, but I think just watching that movie kinda is great too, cause it's like the whole time I'm just fucking laughing. And I'm like, why am I laughing my fucking ass off the whole time?

Like the opening, Arlie Ermey goes, I'm not prejudiced whether you're, he whether you're an n-word a k-word And he says he says so then the first 15 seconds of the film We're here hard are and we hear K and you go that's cinema to me. That's what I call cinema Every palm Dior award right now I don't know how people could even watch that movie now with him saying that in the first it cuts from black And he's walking he says hard RK and then nine other slurs. Yeah Fucking immediately out of the gate and it's it's so funny that you have to Kubrick was genius for having a Private pile not being able to not laugh. Yeah, because as an audience member

You're dying laughing at that scene so much and and he's calling them all faggots and like hard RN words. And then all of a sudden, you're getting choked. You're getting choked by Arlie Emery, in a way. Oh yeah, I guess you're right. Arlie Emery, yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, it's that thing where it's so funny, because I mean, we were laughing at the guy

that got hit with the truck and skip stoned into a lawn and died. Yeah. Because... The guy, the guy. It is funny to see a four-and-a-pound guy hit by a truck holding and died. Yeah. Because. The guy, the guy. It is funny to see a four and a pound guy hit by a truck holding a pistol. Yeah, yeah.

Holding a pistol the size of one of his teeth. It's his fault. Yeah. It's his fucking fault. I think the reason it's funny is because life is ultimately very horrific, you know. Yeah. And we do, we're lucky enough to live a world

where we can order Postmates and watch Sicario too and be like, you know, that's not too bad but you know, we're we're on top of a pile of just Bodies killing bodies all the way down. That's what's kind of great is when you get on Twitter You get to see like 2001 of space odyssey like all the like people turn into these monkeys jumping up and down Like like over a monolith like killing each other with bones and rocks and stuff. No, I mean, you literally get to be on Twitter and you get to see like a fucking guy

snipe a little child in the Middle East through the hat and you go, huh, anyway. They're bonkers over there. That definitely doesn't apply to my life at all. Dude, our little brother has it figured out because I went to his apartment in downtown Dallas to do a stream on the Limit Party Cl clip channel. Yeah, did you go subscribe to and He he put he put on a TV he had South Park on and then a TV popped up over here that he had on

The ground in the corner and I was like what I go. Did you accidentally just turn that TV on? He goes no, dude, and he put on like the Mavs game. Mm-hmm. I was like, what the fuck is this? He goes two TVs dude. Nobody does one TV now. Literally everybody I know has two TVs. He's become this Family Guy movie boring as hell. He said, he said, he goes, dude, last night we watched Sicario on this TV and Family Guy on this TV, Sicario.

And he goes, Sicario kicked ass, by the way. He goes, have you seen it? I was like, no, why are you watching? He's doing the TikTok thing where he's lining up two TVs on top of each other. There's a lot of scenes in Sicario where they're set up and you could watch Peter Griffin get hit by a car. He's telling you, he's like, Sicario was crazy, dude.

They killed Brian in Sicario. They placed him with an Italian dog. It kind of blew my mind to do the TikTok ADD thing. Because I actually, because I was watching South Park and I kept tuning into the game, an Italian dog. It kind of blew my mind to do the TikTok ADD thing. IRL. Because I was watching South Park, and I kept tuning into the game, but I could still watch South Park in my mind's eye. And it was awesome.

No, there's a part of you as an adult where you, when you watch The Matrix as a kid, and he gets taken out of the tub, and you go, yeah, fucking badass. He's in real life. And you get old enough, and life beats the shit out of your penis and balls for 25 years and you go Man put it back in that fucking

Put him in the goo like why does he have to be on the ship and eat shit out of a tube all day like Why can't you come out of a box? It's like here's you come you welcome you welcome you live in real life It's success you wet them. I know do you put me in the fucking pod play Family Guy clips? Yeah next to pornography next to the Mavs game that is funny cuz in in the matrix everybody Everybody in the matrix is pretty much normal and kind of really cool And then on the Nebuchadnezzar the ship everyone is kind of half retarded Yeah, everybody on the Nebuchadnezzar is like non-binary from a Brooklyn DJ show. They all look like Funko Pops.

What is the Nebuchadnezzar? It's the ship that's the ship in the Matrix that they all live on. That APOC is the, it's Morpheus' ship, and so they go and they get Neo out of the goo and they put him on the ship, but and that ship has to hide from all the little things, the things that build the world.

The squid guys. The little squid guys. The squid robot guys. The sentinels. So they're, in the real world is completely gone. Earth is uninhabitable, unlivable, and all the people live in egg pods made of goo and that's what powers the machines.

They harvest the energy of human beings to power their machines and all they wanna do is keep propagating and building more. Can I also say something? And Morpheus is like one of the nine people that are out of the matrix, that are in the quote unquote real world, which is a post-apocalyptic world,

and they, on the ship, plug tubes into the back of their head to go into the program that the machines built that all the people live in in the egg goo eggs in their head Which they're basically in a big coma you've seen them is interesting I've seen the majors so they can go in and wake people up and it's like a it's like a Jesus Christ sort of thing Where he goes out into the world to wake people up? Enrich their consciousness so they can elevate to a higher plane and transcend and break free from the mold and pain of the of the flesh Okay, I don't know. I just thought they were doing karate. Yeah, and well, that's the matrix jackets The matrix too is like what if there was two Jamaican wiggers?

But I do think that that movie I love the matrix movies one of my favorites of all times until they both changed to women Now I hate them It's a great movie But it is very indicative of like the late 90s where we were so out of touch with just the horror of existence Like life was so good because we were completely tuned out of like whatever was happening. The economy was amazing everybody had it like relatively great and We were just kind of like well, it's fucking it's great and I want to die was happening. The economy was amazing. Everybody had it like relatively great. And we were just kind of like, well, it's fucking it's great. And I want to die. It sucks actually.

Fuck this. And that's where you get matrix. You get Fight Club. And now we're like kind of too tuned into the horrors. You know, we've we've actually gone through like the actual first hard thing we've ever gone through, which is like, you know, like kovat quarantine and show you see I think we've had that like any Russian woman from a hundred years Previous would have had in her life. Mm-hmm. And now we're like, oh we actually the there's a beautiful joy and completely tapping out of this Horrific existence where everything exists by destroying something else and consuming it. That's the way every single bit of energy gets more energy to survive. Before itself is eventually eaten and consumed

and turned into energy for something else. And it's kind of beautiful to tap out of that in certain aspects. Yeah, for sure. We're all just monkeys, man. It's that Kubrick thing. Kubrick is right, the bone, it goes up in the air. Listen, man, I've been watching a lot of Rogan recently.

We're all monkeys on a rock flying through space. We're all a bunch of electrified meat skeletons, brother. And the other day I heard Andrew Schultz say something that blew my fucking mind. He goes, dude, it's not like, I realize war is not about even war. It's not about fighting each other. It's about money, dude.

Yeah, I love the- It's about money. War's not even like fighting each other. It's about like money, dude. It's about money. War's not even about war, dude. I love on Flagrant 2 when he said, yo, Israel's kinda cap recently. They're kinda like hella cap. Sometimes, like every day, Burt Kreischer is getting death threats on Twitter. And I'll see and I'll go, fuck, I'm like,

why these, I'm like, he does suck ass, but I'm like, these people are a little too far, and then I click on the profile and it says, follows you. Yeah, it's your profile picture. It's always people, I'm like, why these I'm like he's does suck ass But I'm like these people are a little too far and then I click on the profile it says follows you Yeah, it's your profile picture. Oh his people I'm like, oh, he's a yellow king on He's selling bird to kill. Yeah his profile is at Ben Avery told me to do this Well, it wasn't Bert walking through the Atlanta Airport Taking balls in your ass, so and I'm a guy who does wear short shorts on this show sometimes, but it's just, it's outrageous. It is outrageous.

I do see the irony of me pointing that out, but I don't have my belly out and shit. I don't walk around like a newborn, fucking jumping in bird baths. Shout out the fan that sent us the signed Bert picture on the table, though. Which I love, because it looks like we're in Jagger Hoover and we're fucking bird in the 50s

And he sent us a little picture. Thank you to the guy the but I forget your name I'm sorry, sir, but the the the bottom being shirt from the satin dolls strip club. I really appreciate it So it's just got it. That was awesome. Thank you so much Thank you, and the guy wrote us a nine-page letter. That was very nice I'm there was a nine-page letter that I burned without reading as a sign of disrespect Yeah, letter. That was very nice. I'm gonna rose a nine page letter that I burned without reading As a sign of disrespect. Yeah. No, that was very sweet Anyway your fattest shit Dude this can't be like I don't like you're not doing anything to help yourself. I

Think I might go on a fast and I for can I tell you for religious can I tell you that's gonna be Can I tell you as a guy who got fat from doing fast? You're about to do the thing where they go around the moon and it slingshots them further and faster That's literally what happens. You start to get kind of fat I was fit in college you start to get kind of fat and you go I'm gonna start fasting and then you don't eat for 12 days and then you Eat everything for fucking three months. Don't go on a fast, dude But then but I really hate like I just want to sit in a chair and think all day and work on my stuff And I don't want to like I don't want to like not The problem is you've gotten so into writing that it's making you fat. That's the problem

Yeah, you're using writing as a front. Yeah, you're using writing as a front Yeah, you're eating words in a way Yeah, I heard like Herman Melville He would like finish a chapter and he would like manically furiously run up this mountain and run back down and I'm like well That's retarded. I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna eat more food What if instead of doing that I ate a pizza This is why I just, I need to.

You should go to the, you should start throwing around barbells with me. Get into, let's get into power lifting together. I want Jeff Bezos to shoot me into space. Why can't I be in space? I think I'd be a great candidate to be in space. I sit in a chair all day. The first guy to say slur is in space.

That is definitely not true. That is actually definitely not true. You have a family though. Yeah, but I've seen the movies where like you have a big monitor and you say hi to your wife and she's like, she slowly falls out of love with you. That's true. And that's actually kind of cool.

You just want like a, you a Japanese typewriter in a bubble in space. Yeah, I look like the baby at the end of 2001 space. I just eat your own shit, you shit, and then it turns it into something that tastes kind of good and you eat it. Yeah, you don't want to be in a fancy space shuttle. You want to be in Sputnik, sealed in a big metal ball.

And just dying like a dog. I actually, I want to be the guy in charge of dropping nuclear bombs on people. I want to be that guy. I wanna be the guy that's waiting by the big red phone to drop the, and I'm guessing there's one guy for each country, probably one guy for Japan, probably one guy for all the world's superpowers.

And they're all paid by APAC. Yeah. APAC owns every one of them. They're paid three million dollars a month. Yeah, I find to destroy the world a Billion dollar fund to destroy the world every year Who's gonna win Iran or is it was? When if we keep supporting yeah, it's real

I mean we're literally about to give them like 500 billion dollars Iran is just doing some like performative shit, but they're like hey Yeah, Iran they got hit so they got to like fire back a little bit and make some Jews run. It's like you hit Damascus, which I don't even know that. I don't know what these countries are. I know what you guys are talking about. The 94 Olympics to me. It's like the four. Yeah, I don't know what country they're all fighting over a big chickpea in the sky.

Nobody cares. Fucking my friend, Jake, you guys know, who does Pandayho Time, the podcast. He messaged me that he was listening to Rogan and Dale Brennan and Rogan are talking and Rogan goes, yeah man, like what Israel's been doing to everybody is pretty fucked up and bad, but what Iran did is bad too. And Neil goes, yeah exactly, that's what I've been saying.

Dude, I- So you guys are like these like, Neil- Like bastions of truth. That's what I've been saying. Dude, I see you guys are like these like Neil, like I love Ashton's of truth. I know no one is saying anything. I love like Rogan's great. But sometimes his podcast is like throwing two microphones into a bar at the airport and just letting people talk near it to listen to some of that episode.

And there is this one part that's really good near the end where they start talking about George Floyd and Neil and Brennan. Neil and Neil is just trying to be like, well, I mean, the cops were fucked up. That was bad. Like they obviously didn't handle it right. And then Rogan's like, yeah, of course, man. Obviously, man.

But like, also like he had like fentanyl in his system. Like he was gonna die anyway. And then they look it up. And like Jamie looks up the amount of fentanyl in his system. And like we did. and Neil is just like Huh, I really don't want to be doing this And Rogan's like so how much is that Jamie? How much is that? So it's nanograms

Realizes he goes like so it wasn't a lethal amount Okay, but still man like, you know, he still could have died though, man. But still, like, maybe we should kill him. But still, and then Brennan's like, and that's what I'm fucking saying, motherfucker. Like, that's the thing. Yeah, and then Brennan's trying to be like, listen, Jack, I'm a cool guy, brother, man. Brennan's always just like, motherfucker shit,

like, listen, man, like, that's what I'm fucking saying. Yeah, come on, man. It's like, it's like he- I wrote half-baked, brother, man. Cops are bad, everyone's bad, like, people are bad. It's just one of those things. And I'm on ketamine. I like it's like he I wrote half-baked brother me cops are bad. Everyone's bad like people are bad It's just one of those things and I'm on ketamine. I have depression. That's why I'm a huge cockson. I live at a stable I Eat horse food with other horses. It's so funny. I'm dating pio mine It's so funny to me to listen to radio that is just generally agreeable dudes.

They're like, yeah, that one side's bad and they go, the other side's bad too. And you go, yeah, man, it was a very funny interview actually, because earlier in the interview or in the podcast, we got too lazy to try over here. You've seen every show today. Like Neil Brennan made a fool of himself on Rogan. Today, Neil Brennan was a cuck for black people. No, but Neil goes, you're more right. You're you're more right. And I'm a little more left. And then and then Rogan's black people no, but Neil goes you're more right You're you're more right and I'm a little more left and then and then Rogan's like no not man I'm like like I'm like the I'm like left, but like they like went crazy man. I'm like in the middle now

No, man what I am like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like a like a centrist I guess yeah It's like that's what I'm saying motherfucker like you're the friend centers like it's like fine It's like that's what I'm saying man. You're fence sitter, you know, like I guess we should be careful We might end up on the Joe Rogan subreddit everyone goes just anybody can have a podcast nowadays Sorry, we don't have it switching and we don't we didn't have a podcast studio with like things on the wall that look professional Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a we got on the Joe Rogan sub. That was pretty cool. And they were so mad.

They were so angry at us. That was so funny. Because we said, human's kind of gay sometimes. And then look what happened. Look what happened. He turns out we were wrong and he's really cool. Yeah, he's actually the sickest guy.

Yeah, it actually turns out he's fucking awesome. I actually think it's awesome that he does that. Me too. No, I do. Because I go, oh, he's human, he has a thing. I thought there was something wrong with me because this guy learned how to live without a thing. I call him Andrew Humanman.

Right folks? Right, and that's why we're gonna go right to the- Take that Joe Rogan subreddit. We're gonna go to the top of the Rogan sub. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Oh man, no it's always funny when people that don't have any clue what we are. Catch a clip.

Catch one clip where we're saying something we don't even believe or know we'll say. What the fuck, look at the sticks, they're fucking mean. That guy said a thing that wasn't true for humor. What the hell? What the fuck? It's so funny to be like a goalie for like a billionaire's thoughts. Like you guys are constantly monitoring, it's like he's still going to make a a goalie for like a billionaire's thoughts. Yeah. Like you guys are like constantly monitoring. It's like he still is going to make a billion dollars and do whatever he wants.

That podcast sucks. He didn't even interview Kelly Slater about Ukraine. Interview a surfer about a deep political issue. That's a Devon. That's a comedian's job man To be not fun by the way if you guys want to go over to patreon we're gonna discuss the job of being a comedian Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's never been talked before about on a pod I'm gonna I'm gonna read off the gestures privilege Wikipedia page for 20 minutes that we are not going to be funny No, we're going to talk about the job of being funny and everything fun and every comment will be finally the podcast is good Finally no jokes just gay stories and stupid convos

Wait, that's what our podcast is. It's gay stories and stupid convo. No, our stories are cool and our combos are awesome We're actually really bad. We're actually we're actually really badass and everybody wants to fuck us because we're cool Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of whatever is going on over there I got it. I'm gonna take this knife out of the room because I just get the urge to throw it at the wall while we record Cuz I just get the urge to throw it at the wall while we record It gives a shit let's just let's just go to the next about your afternoon shit are we doing the next episode right now No, no, no, no Should we just float right into it or take a break? I should take a break. I got a pissing shit

I'm shitting out ribs and Krispy Kreme. I got a cum. Yeah your own ribs I ate McDonald's four times and then I ate Krispy Kreme. I got to come. Your own ribs. I ate McDonald's four times and then I ate Krispy Kreme three days in a row. You ate McDonald's four times out there? Ben, why do you? No, before I went. Of my own volition. Damn.

You should just be eating gutter oil, Chinese gutter oil at this point. When the girls are away, the boys will play. Why do you look at McDonald's like it's? I saw a lady, a guy sent me a mukbang on the live stream of a big fat lady Eating McDonald's french fries, and they look so fucking this is why we abandoned you on the live streams Because we didn't want to enable you anymore. We were still doing sucked into your world. Yeah Mm-hmm. I gotta stop watching people eat

I guess but like if I don't do that like what other hobbies do I have besides like being a gay guy who? reads I Mean, I don't know man. I've you know I've heard I've heard good things about but the solo live streams whatever I'll get I'll just get into like powerlifting or something. I don't know, but I do think it's killing you I Think you guys for your art you do those they send you like the KFC triple stacker And then you go oh my god He gets in your head, and then you do it and you go like I just did work like some like you're like a steel worker But then walk downstairs you see Katie like taking care of your fucking firstborn child And you go I need a fucking triple decker right cuz I'm fucking I'm tired cuz I only got like five and a half hours

Asleep because their ass woke me up. Well. That's fine. You really she needs to get over that She was having nightmares last night. She was screaming a la who Ag bar in her sleep. Have you guys thought about not tending to her? Mm-hmm That's when you put your headphones on like if you guys had the thought to be like just wait it out She's a crying baby. Yeah, she won't remember you guys. I was watching her for a second You guys all went into the kitchen. She started crying and I did have the thought of like well I don't have to go over there. Yeah, of course I did but I there was a second where I was like Why don't I have to cuz you're like nothing don't have to go over there. Of course I did, but there was a second where I was like, well, I don't have to.

Because you're like, nothing will happen. I go, nothing will happen. She'll stop crying, but I don't care. You guys are going, she'll eventually stop. She'll stop because she has to. Yeah, I guess you're right. You gotta let him figure this shit out on their own. I do know somebody who did the,

I think that's called the Thurber Method. I remember like a long time ago they did that and then all their kids are like like are sociopaths now, so You can do that. Yeah, don't do that. Yeah Yeah, all right. Well, I'm fat patron.com slash lemon party give me money so I can I can I can be in the fucking rat every month cuz I eat too much McDonald's and So I can feed my baby you can be in the bread every month because I eat too much McDonald's. And so I can feed my baby.

You can be in the bread every month. Feed my wife McDonald's and then all those chemicals can go into her tits. My baby can suck the chemicals out and she can become a big fat retard like me. And then she'll always live with me forever and ever. And she'll always love me and she'll never leave. And she'll always think I'm really cool and awesome. And we'll be my best friend. And so Devon and Jace can

pay rent Yeah, also that that helps with us too. I like paying rent and it's a baby It doesn't like either baby could live in a shack. Who cares about Ben help Jason. Yeah. Yeah, we need we we need good things We used to it. We have lives. Yeah We're out and about I have a criteria in channel account. All right. Thank you. Yeah Oh, I can give you a password for a free one. No, I use yours You don't even pay the $50. I don't even you know, it's funny. I don't even use yours I use the one you stole from somebody else that I stole from me

And I why and I use it I go man, I love Tom Popo. That's a great movie And I why and I use it I go man, I love Tom Popo. That's a great movie Living party dot life to for Boston DC Philly New York for live dates in early May Devon a hate watch pod J set sad drawings by Jace. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. I love was deep for this Mexican maid, I was in, wild as the west Texas wind.