lemonparty - 078: Unknown Legend

Starting point is 00:00:00 We're watching a this is Palestinian footage right here start a fucking revolution We had Devin with to the the gas station on the street We were just we were just saying that you guys were pouring gas on yourself to light yourself on fire It's a great journal. You're self-immolating to protest the cost of Burger King going up. Yeah. All the Burger King's being closed. Two upper juniors for just five dollars, light yourself on fire in front of Trump's trial.

Starting point is 00:00:55 The reporter's like, I'm seeing a man, he's eating a bunch of onion rings, the grease is on fire. He was covered in onion ring grease and he's on fire right now. It looks like he had a bad batch of chicken fries. He's turned into a candle because of all the fat. You want char broiled burgers back at Burger King.

Starting point is 00:01:10 Yeah, that's when they used to char them. I'm like, do you guys remember you used to have chicken finger French fries? I told Ben that he died like today, I think the guy, the guy. Oh, the self-immolating guy. Yeah, retarded who lit himself on fire. He died. He died, I think, today or yesterday. And I was it was like I imagine the doctors just came in, they just like held a big lighter up to his nose.

Starting point is 00:01:28 Like, let's finish the job. They held him up like when you start a fire and like naked and afraid. They're blowing on him. Like. Yeah, they just picked up the ashes of him. Like when you're cleaning up camping. Put a big percolator on his belly. Yes. I'm drunk uncle pissed on him

Starting point is 00:01:49 They go before we kill you we want you to know everybody thinks you're a retard And then they just close his nose they go, you know, you didn't even have a point You know every no matter what you would have been retarded for doing this But you didn't even have a retarded point and now you look like prosciutto Congrats His manifesto reads like a woman telling a story. It does like it just goes everywhere Yeah, like Epstein didn't kill himself and Bitcoin. He's like mad at a friend or something. Yeah Yeah, no, I saw the videos he uploaded on Haywatch and yeah, it's just like within a second You're like, oh this guy like is a retarded guy. Yeah, you I knew he's crazy. By the way, I think he's just a retard

Starting point is 00:02:29 I think he's so dumb. That's the thing is I think he's so retarded. No fire burns you he thought it was like Yeah, he thought it was just like like emblematic He thought it would make him like it the worst and make him a little shorter like it does to candles But you understand what it does right in the body He's one of those guys that there's been 17 group chats started with him not in them. Yes, every time he's added to a new group chat, it's two weeks countdown before another group check

Starting point is 00:02:55 gets made without him in it. Even the QAnon midget guy, whatever that guy was that ran QAnon, the Verne Troyer guy, even those guys were like, start a new group chat, this guy sucks ass. Oh yeah, Nick Quintus is like, I got another message from the fire retard. Oh god damn.

Starting point is 00:03:13 Nick Quintus was like, does he hate Jews or not? The guy's so all over the place. I know, that was the thing, he didn't even have like a message. No message. I didn't know if he was pro-Trump, anti-Trump, I had no idea. When I first saw it, I was like, he must be pro-Trump, and he's upset they're prosecuting him,

Starting point is 00:03:26 and he's outside of Trump's trial, and he's like, this is bullshit. But then you realize it was like... He's like a New World Order guy or some shit. He's a nothing guy. Yeah, I don't even think he's that man. He had nothing to say. He kind of reminded me of my uncle, actually.

Starting point is 00:03:40 Your uncle who set himself on fire? I think homeless right now. No, no, if he set himself on fire, that'd be like a big step up for his life. He's currently frozen solid. It would bring him some warmth if he were to set himself on fire. You guys joke by the way about like protesting,

Starting point is 00:03:57 like I have bad, like the whole thing with BK, I have fucking bad news for fat fucks out there. I just saw this and shed a tear today. A lot of the McDonald's, they're removing the soda machines, so you have to pay to get a refill now. What? What? I know man.

Starting point is 00:04:16 Are you serious? Start a fucking revolution. Start a fucking revolution. I'll look it up just to be sure. Are you serious? I'm gonna look it up to be sure. I saw it on Twitter. People are going to be chaining themselves to the soda machines like when they're cutting down trees in North California. I don't think this is legally possible.

Starting point is 00:04:37 I think the government will call the McDonald CEO and be like, listen, we need people to die and you're stopping that. Biden will be like, people have too much energy and they're starting to look at the news. He goes, I'm starting to see people out there, no more tumors, because they can't get the free refill. We need these people on so much hummingbird syrup it actually makes them docile. We need to turn them into human cattle.

Starting point is 00:04:58 I'm not kidding, that actually, we do. Wow, yeah, the Burger Chain recently announced the definitive end of its customer-led soft drink machines Although they could take a while to disappear. I love yeah, so I'll show you on Twitter Oh, can you scroll up real quick then yeah, I just love the corporate speak of what it was it called customer customer-facing Self-service soda machines yeah instead of just like fat fuck drink fountains Yeah, fat fat guy spigots.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah, human troves. I'll show you on Twitter though. Well this is actually a major sign of things to come. This is a much bigger deal than we're even making. We are gonna be in Mad Max but they will be fighting over those AMC soda machines. It'll be people fighting over that they couldn't get fucking Sprite with their Coke. The last bottle of Sprite Remix.

Starting point is 00:05:50 They go, I haven't had a suicide in fucking seven years. I'm losing my mind. Like you have big long beard and skull on your head. Just playing guitar at the front of a fucking like, you know, death machine. Just trying to get one can of that old school cherry Coke with the Passion of the Christ cover on it. Look at this guys, this is what a lot of your McDonald's

Starting point is 00:06:09 are gonna look like now. They removed the drink station at my local McDonald's, no more free refills. They're like, we're leaving the trough so you can throw up your meals inside of it. I will, I mean I'll never go to a McDonald's again actually after this, this is bullshit. That is not okay.

Starting point is 00:06:22 That is extreme bullshit. That is not okay. That is extreme bullshit. That is not okay. That is the only thing you get in this country. Okay, you got these food islands. The only thing these people have is their soda. Yeah. Let them have their opium bins. Let them have the soda.

Starting point is 00:06:37 This could be our tea in the harbor moment. It really could. You know I've always wondered, like, because there's so many calories and like soda and shit So I watch all these like I watch all these like survival shows I love like Alone and Naked and Afraid and stuff and it's always like showing calories and all that I'm like if you what if these guys never were able to like catch a grouse or a squirrel or something If they just had soda would they live because there's calories in it. I like there's carbs and sugar

Starting point is 00:07:04 Soda would they live because there's calories in it. I like there's carbs and sugar It would I saw uh, like a fat guy in like britain He lost like 370 pounds and 60 he fasted for I believe it was uh, a whole year 370 days I think it was 370 days. He lost like 400 pounds or something. I think he was from wales or ireland Yeah, and he went from like 525 down to like 160 in a year. He looked good too. Didn't eat food, did not eat food. He took one daily multivitamin and a bunch of water and that's all he had.

Starting point is 00:07:31 Yeah, he took the vitamins that he needed to survive and then, I think he drank tea and coffee also. Tea and coffee and the vitamins were probably, yeah, the vitamins were probably those little dinosaurs that you put in a cup of water and expand. Flintstone vitamins. And he allowed himself Frappuccinos every day. But of course.

Starting point is 00:07:46 Yeah. You know who else did that for a diet for a year? John Noff. John was like, I don't eat. I just have a Frappuccino a day. Yeah. John's like, dude, I just eat the inside of the fries. That's the new diet. Wait, so really?

Starting point is 00:08:00 Okay, so you can. You can. You can. I've also heard of a thing that- You can just wander through't drink coke. Yeah. Yeah, you could there's also think I apparently I heard all the fat Jews who went into the Holocaust They died first actually for some reason because they couldn't they couldn't they were like so shocked. They didn't have I think it was the shock from not only are they starving to death, but now they're having Pepsi withdrawals They weren't used to it and they just start shaking like heroin addicts

Starting point is 00:08:24 That is so interesting because on all these nature shows or are these like alone like a lot of these people will bulk up and they'll but now they're having Pepsi withdrawals. They weren't used to it. And they just start shaking like heroin addicts. That is so interesting, because on all these nature shows, or alone, a lot of these people will bulk up and they'll gain 60, 70 pounds that they've never been fat before, and then it helps them, because they just are rapidly losing weight.

Starting point is 00:08:35 I love to see one guy prepping for the show alone, and he puts on 60, and then first day in, just heart attack, just gone. Yeah, it's the best part of the Chimkin guy. Best part of Chimkin. Yeah, he's like, oh, I'm gonna beer myself. Oh! Oh!

Starting point is 00:08:50 He's just lying. You see a camera shot of just a bear coming up and fucking him and eating him. If those people were on one of those shows, they would be shocked that what they're eating was alive at one point. They have no clue. Right, if they were naked and afraid,

Starting point is 00:09:03 they'd be like, who took my skin? They think clothes are skin because they haven't changed in decades. Dude, I fucking love Naked and Afraid so much. It's such a good show. It, it, it, it, it. It's a, it's a, sorry, go ahead. No, it tears back the curtain for anybody's beliefs.

Starting point is 00:09:22 Like there's vegans on the show and they go, I literally, I've never eaten meat, and I won't. I will die. I will die without it, and three days in, they're losing their mind, they're treating their partner like he's their husband all of a sudden, and then you see them hammer-fisting a rabbit.

Starting point is 00:09:38 Three days in, and biting it while it's still twitching. Yeah, yeah, they turn into like the predator, like they're kind of the spine out of a chipmunk and holding it up. Dude, I love Nick and Afraid because it's a perfect microcosm of shitty relationships. Yep. That's what it's because it's a woman and a man

Starting point is 00:09:55 who don't know each other, but it's always like, there's one guy, it's either the woman or man who's just like does not fucking listen, doesn't communicate. You know, one of the people is like, you know, you shouldn't go eat those berries, they seem poisonous, and the guy's just like, you're a fucking dumb bitch, and then he eats them,

Starting point is 00:10:10 and then he's shitting himself. And she's like, I've lost all respect for him. It's an unbelievable show, because you don't get any money for it. You get like five grand, I think, they pay you for what the time you miss from work, or whatever. They literally treat your dysentery,

Starting point is 00:10:22 and then send you back to Hertz, rent a car. And you leave with so many lifelong diseases Yes, it's on You get organ trail diseases. Yeah. Yeah, you get like black foot Yeah, stuff like that. You get the hurt of do you get to fuck the because I don't understand what that what is it? So you pair up with a lady with big tits, right? And then you fuck her in the woods No, no, there's a lot of that. Okay, there's what they made because they realized that that was like a part of like why people were also watching the one.

Starting point is 00:10:47 Come on, fuck. They don't fuck in the thing. I've watched I watched 200 apps. They never they never fuck. They made they made a naked and afraid they made a dating one where they do kind of fuck and they infer that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they they throw them in the wood to see him. Fuck. No, they throw them in the woods, but they leave a liquor cabinet just on a tree somewhere just in hopes that they get it. It's get a discovery Channel show so it's like they don't really get there There is a there is a funny one because they they they try to not talk about the nudity either

Starting point is 00:11:13 There was one I saw I loved where they dropped these two people off at a waterfall the guy was this Armenian guy Just covered in hair apparently had like a huge cock like to the point where he walked up and he's like oh my god I give it yeah, and he in the in the talking head up and he's like, oh my god, you have a, and in the talking head thing, he's like, I'm definitely gonna fuck her, I have a huge penis, she's gonna fuck my huge penis. And then six hours in, just bees just started attacking him and he had to, he swore up and had to get carted off

Starting point is 00:11:37 because he was dying. Yeah, they get eaten alive by bugs. Who's naked and afraid, they take them to Limpopo or this is a horrible place Yeah, disease is named after dishes that like the mall Chinese restaurant And they're up all night cuz like a rhinos just staring at them in the middle of the night the entire night It's fucking unbelievable. It's such a good show. It's great alone is way better cuz alone like it's alone It's more realistic alone is very realistic alone is great because you get to see people who are really good at being outdoors

Starting point is 00:12:05 slowly lose their mind over time. Yeah. It's a really fun show. You see, Alone is the type of show where like a white woman from fucking like Santa Fe or whatever goes on it and she's like, I'm pretty in tune with like the natives and all that. And she's pretty good.

Starting point is 00:12:21 Like 45 days, she knows how to catch stuff, she knows how to like live her own life and all that, but like 45 days in she's just like, sing, kiss, like 45 days. She knows how to catch stuff, she knows how to live her own life and all that, but like 45 days in she's just like, sing kisaha. Like she's like looking at clouds, trying to like summon the food gods. She's losing her mind, she's wearing like a rabbit head on her fucking face.

Starting point is 00:12:39 They get so hungry they lose their mind. They're singing like Ladysmith Black Mambazo songs and shit. They're just crying all day. They cut to one guy he's got a jikki on somehow and he's going please please send me fish. Dude there's another one guy I saw he was like day 40 no food cuz he they dropped him off and I think it was the like Himalayas below they dropped him off in Nepal in like the middle of the untra. Guy had me in for 40 days and he was starting to lose his mind, and he was just like, he's like, I haven't moved out of this sleeping bag

Starting point is 00:13:08 in 24 hours. I think I'm gonna die here. Nobody in my life likes me. I'm completely alone. Like, it had shed layers of his ego just off of him. You see them doing comedy sketches to themself, to pass the time. By the way, they have to set up every camera. Yes, they're alone. So they have they're truly alone

Starting point is 00:13:28 They're having to go out set up the GoPro. They're like day game guys like in the wild Ever like trying to catch a fucking like yeah grouse or a brook trout Mm-hmm, and they're losing their fucking minds and it's just so entertaining, dude. I watched two straight seasons of it like a month ago. It's great, dude. You'll see scenes, I remember a guy brought a shoelace, he's like, I'm gonna catch a fish with this.

Starting point is 00:13:55 And then day 20, no food, he finally catches a huge fucking bass. And then as he's pulling it in, it gets off the line and he just starts weeping into his hand. They cry. They're so grateful. Yeah, they're so grateful. It's just some guy from Tempe. Yeah. Who really cares about this too? So they have an emergency bun when they hit the emergency button they come pick them up

Starting point is 00:14:14 and they're like please tell me I'm not a gay cuck. Tell me I did a good job. And they're like yeah dude you were on the wilds for 500 days. There's also these moments where they sit and they go, well, I'm shitting blood and I'm fucking, you know, there's green shit coming out of my mouth all night and I have no clue what's happening. I haven't eaten in three weeks. And they hold their walkie talkie and they go, I think I might call, I might call and just give up. I might call and give up.

Starting point is 00:14:41 And they're just like crying, looking at the walkie talkie. And it's like, just fucking give up. They go, I have three kids, I hope they're proud of me. No one cares. It's also that fun thing they'll do on, I love the reality shows where they're like, so what's the worst thing happening in your life? And they'll always have this theme of like,

Starting point is 00:14:57 well you know, my daughter Sarah, she's 12, she's got brain cancer, we can't afford the medication. If I win this show, I'll be able to save her life. And then the next scene is him like snapping wrong and then just snapping his leg in half. And he's like, fuck! And you know his daughter's gonna die because of that. That's awesome.

Starting point is 00:15:13 So it's like the gray. It literally is like the gray. Yeah, yeah. The show is usually won by, like I watched this one season where it was won by this guy named Juan Pablo where it's just like, I don't know, just like fucking. Just a day laborer.

Starting point is 00:15:24 Ethnic people are just better at, they just get the earth more than us. They cut to the Mexican guy, he's got a whole construction business going. His whole thing, yeah. He's like, I install windows, I got a truck, I build that a coconut. Yeah, he has a hot dog cart,

Starting point is 00:15:39 he's selling hot dogs to gophers. He's like, the TV, the TV gets a little low-stoyers baseball. I'm doing fine, man. This is better than my fucking. It goes, do you want to sound crowd with that?

Starting point is 00:15:52 To like a grouse. Yeah, that's like this is fucking I built the house out of shit. This is better than my apartment in Echo Park. No, I'm saying yeah, but there was this one guy named Juan Pablo who he won cuz he was like he was like I feel like the making

Starting point is 00:16:09 Of fire is just not is not worth it Like they go out in the middle of the night anyway, and it doesn't really is like impossible It's a waste of calories So he literally like most of the show he just sat in like multiple sleeping bags like in his shitty shelter And he was just waiting it out. He bags, like in his in his shitty shelter. And he was just waiting it out. He just goes like he's like, I'm on day 90 and hopefully the other retards have finally given up. And then he won. He was.

Starting point is 00:16:35 I've seen that episode. There are people who win by just going like, I'm going to like give up and hope there's a bunch of white faggots on the show. And they stop trying. He trying he goes listen back at home Like I drink so much Coca-Cola like that should have killed me by now So there's no way like just sitting in here waiting it out Yeah, and while he's hibernating there's they'll cut to a white guy survival tactical ex-marine And he's like I've been scraping moss off of rocks for 19 hours And then they'll calculate like he's's burned 9,000 calories doing this.

Starting point is 00:17:05 They always cut to a liquid death white guy that's like literally in a swamp trying to tackle an alligator. And he's just a moron. There's always one tactical, yeah, liquid death white guy who's like, I'm gonna make the mountain my pit. He's trying to fight a tree.

Starting point is 00:17:21 But you're saying that the Latino guy is just like, he's just like turning sap into red Die 40 Shit but then I made some big red. Yeah, we got this man and do from the actual mountain man I can't wait to get out of here and like first when I'm first back I'm gonna go get that like with that weird colored bread That weird ass colored cookie. I miss my shitty cookies. The first thing I do when I get back,

Starting point is 00:17:49 I'm gonna eat some wax like candy that has the Mexican flag in it. They all get 10 items to bring and they go over it at the beginning of the show, but he's just there. He's like, so I got my first item, my Dodger ad, my second item's my chanclas, so I can like walk around and shit. Everyone that wins the show is wearing like a mookie bats Jersey

Starting point is 00:18:13 Like well I'm playing for my cousin who stomped the guy out at Dodger Stadium and he became paralyzed That Giants guy who's all fucked up and retarded now. Hey everybody, are you tired of running through lotion and socks? Well give that wrist a break with the AutoBlow. AutoBlow is the BJ machine. It's AI and takes data from hundreds of hours of BJ videos and they've turned it into a truly incredible device. It even syncs up with a free corn library, boing,

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Starting point is 00:19:11 You should head to auto blow calm and use the code lemon to snag 10% off your order That's auto blow calm code lemon for 10% off Thank You out of blow back to the show. Dude, I wouldn't even mind, like, I wouldn't mind being a, cause you said like, the fat guys in the Holocaust like went first. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:34 Yeah. Like if you, like we should, if I became a prisoner of war, I don't even know if I'd be mad. I'm like, I'm gonna look good in like a couple weeks. You're like, I'm doing a hard 75. You're taking Instagram pictures in the gas chambers. I got a jawline again.

Starting point is 00:19:50 You're like, I look good. Yeah, you'd be at a Vietnamese POW camp, they're like, I don't understand, he's getting fatter. We've been feeding him bugs. We should start that as a, that should be our equinox. That should be our gym membership as we kidnap you. And we make you a prisoner of war That should be our equinox. Like that should be our gym membership is we kidnap you. Yeah. And we make you a prisoner of war.

Starting point is 00:20:06 Yeah. And do like medial labor, like in a like a Russian prisoner of war camp basically. We can do that with the guys who just, the guys who paid $19,000 to do seal training for three days, the day they finished that seal training, we kidnapped them. Like they're an actual veteran. And then we put them in a bamboo prison in the jungle.

Starting point is 00:20:24 That should be a service where you can pay a guy a bunch of money to kidnap you and make it where you don't eat Yeah, that would be good or actually just just fucking already figure out how to put people in comas So they can't eat. They'll be in a coma for two weeks. So I can like detox Elvis did that right? He tried like he went to like a bunch of doctors in there Like they like flicked his tits, right? They go you King you are too retarded to put to sleep And he had that big Coca-Cola cup from the Unchained Melody. Yeah live in Vegas Elvis if Elvis left one thing it was rattling an empty cup of ice With a little bit of coke at the bottom. He started that shit by the way

Starting point is 00:20:59 Most of the drums on his later songs were just him rattling the ice into the microphone By the way, if you do that, it creates fricature and you basically create more soda. It's like this Christian, he turned the loaves into multiple. I can guarantee Elvis had so many theories around Fig. Elvis had a recipe for ice cream soup at the bottom of the bowl.

Starting point is 00:21:20 If you do that, it's like an everlasting cup of soda. If you just keep shaking the ice, it never it's like a mythical thing. Yeah, very true. And then you buy the culture. You buy it a whole piece way too early and just crack your entire enamel on one side. I love it. Sorry. What we say, Devon, I think I'll cut you off. No, I don't know. I don't know. No idea. You know, by the way, it's so funny because like Elvis was like so well.

Starting point is 00:21:41 Well, actually, he died broke or whatever. Did he? Did he? Because of the because of Tom so wealthy. Well, actually, he died broke or whatever. Did he? Did he? Because of the Colonel? Because of Tom Hanks. The Colonel, yeah. Yeah, the Colonel, yeah. And which is so sad. Start a fucking revolution.

Starting point is 00:21:52 Yeah. Yeah. But it's so funny because he had all this money and these huge mansions. He'd fly private to get that big sandwich. Yeah. Which is so funny, because usually guys that have all this money, they have horrible taste in things.

Starting point is 00:22:08 The fried peanut butter sandwich, he would fly in and have that person make it for him. He would literally fly private to county fairs to eat lunch. He had a horrible taste. He would dress up like a big gay starfish, and then he would get on a private jet and go eat peanut butter to gel our sandwiches. If Elvis was alive today, we would have

Starting point is 00:22:24 how Leonardo DiCaprio would get shit for flying private. They would be like Elvis's shits are destroying the ozone layer. As they're dropping out of the bottom of the toilet. Burning up in the atmosphere. It's worse than a million cows. You see what happens is the shit burns up and it just leaks into the ozone, destroys it immediately.

Starting point is 00:22:45 It's so funny he got that fat like basically eating like banana sandwiches. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, man. And you know, he thought that was like hell. He was like, banana baby, that's fruit baby. Yeah, give me that banana sandwich. Give me that banana sandwich baby.

Starting point is 00:22:56 Give me that, you know what, you should use some of that banana flavored laffy taffy. Make me a banana sandwich. I think Elvis's problem was he stopped hanging out with the black community in his later years and they weren't around to be like Motherfucker look at yo titties Look at yo big ass gay titties

Starting point is 00:23:09 He wasn't being bullied You don't even look trans no more Elvis I never wanted to get my life together more than when like the black kids at school were like twisting my tits Yeah, it's pretty brutal Yeah, that's a rough day in your life When the star football player is flicking your tits. And you get even titty fucked by the quarterback. When you fucking literally getting titty fucked.

Starting point is 00:23:29 You literally get titty fucked. I got titty fucked. They titty fucked you in study hall. I was titty fucked. Did they? By the D1 athlete that went to UCLA. I titty fucked you, boy. Did they make you smush your own titties together?

Starting point is 00:23:41 Yeah, it was crazy. It was a horrible night. They made you suck the cum. I had to eat it. You'd go, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. And they go, don't get all that coke over my dick, boy. It's so funny, like a guy holds me down to titty fuck me. Like, I'm obviously in like six months,

Starting point is 00:24:00 I'm gonna be like fucking fat as hell, right? Yeah, I know you. No, we're on a whole thing. Sure, we're at the beginning of an arc. Yeah. But I'm gonna be like fucking fat as hell. Right. Yeah. We're on a we're on a whole thing. Sure. We're at the beginning of an arc. Yeah. But I'm going to be fat as shit. And like a guy is going to like see me like in the streets and he's going to like he's going to throw me down. He's like, I know who you are, bitch.

Starting point is 00:24:18 He's going to start to be fucking me and stuff. But he's going to make me take my vape necklace off before he did. You're more mad about the vape necklace. You're like, your balls are rubbing against the vape. This is just sweaty big black balls. You're just flicking. Fucking up my coils.

Starting point is 00:24:35 Flicking the coils. Dude, I gotta put a new cotton in this shit. I like a black guy knowing who you are in public. I know who you are, mother, you that racist motherfucker. I've got some racist friends listening to your show, baby. Nah, I'm gonna titty fuck. It's a gay black guy who thinks are mother racist motherfucker. I got some racist friends listen to your show, baby It's a gay black guy think I'm a she said I should kill your ass Yeah, they play your podcast at the Nation of Islam to motivate us To do better. It would be funny if that guy was a titty fuck raping you and then you because you're so you're like

Starting point is 00:25:03 I got to get back to my family. I can't die You start like licking the tip of his dick and then he like freaks out and calls you gay Gay bitch you wife you wife back and then he just takes a cinder block Just mush at the top of your head both of my eyes go through each each hole like pop out three Pop out and grabs your eyes and place dice with I collect white eyes Black people were he is it he is a teardrop tattoo for every time he's thought about he's being gay. For every gay dream he's had. That has nothing to do with killing people.

Starting point is 00:25:50 They call me Johnny 23, I've had 23 gay dreams. Look, this is what you're not getting at McDonald's anymore, right there boys. I really can't believe that McDonald's thing. At this point, make it BYOB at McDonald's. I'm bringing my own soda because I like it better from the bottle anyway, assholes. That's the end of McDonald's if they really did it. It would be like a movie theater where you're sneaking in your own sodas and candies.

Starting point is 00:26:11 That's actually the end of McDonald's. I mean, we really need people to burst in like, them patriots, like just throwing axes sideways at people. They really do. Once again, everybody shits on them, but can we give it up for Chick-fil-A here for a second? Unlimited refills, and now if you get a large meal, which I never do a medium, I always do large,

Starting point is 00:26:27 now you get a free brownie or a cookie. You do? And it's the soft, chewy chocolate shitty brownie that's too sweet. They have a very good shitty brownie at Chick-fil-A. Sometimes I want the sweet shitty brownie. That's really good. It's almost as good as the shitty brownie at Wingstop

Starting point is 00:26:42 has a good shitty brownie as well. Yeah. More places, five guys needs a shitty brownie, I'm always mad they don't have a shitty brownie at Wingstop has a good shitty brownie as well. Yeah. Five Guys needs a shitty brownie. I'm always mad they don't have a shitty brownie. The cookies at McDonald's and the apple pie at McDonald's are pretty good too though. The apple pie?

Starting point is 00:26:52 The holiday pie. The apple pie is, if you get a little bite of apple pie, a little bit of chocolate chip cookie together. Yeah, it's a great combo. That's pretty great. Yeah. Fuck McDonald's to hell, burn them to the ground, fuck them all, start a revolution.

Starting point is 00:27:03 Yep, start a revolution. I can't believe they're not giving people fucking refills. I drink a full soda before I even get my food at McDonald's to hell, burn them to the ground, fuck them all, start a revolution. I can't believe they're not giving people fucking refills. I drink a full soda before I even get my food at McDonald's. When I get up to get my food, I'm getting a refill of my soda. Here's the thing, I actually think McDonald's might be realizing they're killing their customer base with the free refills, so they're like,

Starting point is 00:27:19 we can't let, the food's already bad enough, they can't keep getting free refills, because we're losing business, they're dead by the next time they come in. We can't keep getting free refills. Because we're losing business. They're dead the next time they come in. We've got to cut our crack a little bit. Yeah. We've got too many hot needles. This is their fentanyl.

Starting point is 00:27:32 It's them being like, we've got to cut out the blue magic. Frank Lucas runs McDonald's. And they're like, we have been putting fentanyl in the sodas, by the way. McDonald's created fentanyl. Dude, they're cutting their shit. Chick-fil-A doesn't taste the same anymore chicken with the antibiotics They change their chicken antibiotics. Yeah chickens not good anymore. Apparently it doesn't taste the same

Starting point is 00:27:52 I'm not gonna lie the chicken got the kovat vaccine. Yeah damn shame. Yeah, they're yeah, they're using they're using myocarditis Sucks they all died of heart defects. They were all playing basketball and died. Yeah, Chick-fil-A's chicken's averaging four points a game at USC right now. My chicken has a McDonald's All-Star Jersey on it. It's weird. Yeah. But they are bringing the remix menu,

Starting point is 00:28:22 which is a revolution in fad entertainment. What are you talking about? A McDonald's. are bringing the remix menu, which is a is a revolution in fat Entertainment where what are you talking about McDonald's? What is the remix menu? You haven't heard the remix menu? No, no, it's literally like you can go in you can it's like fat fucks Like Willy Wonka's dream like you can go in and be like give me a McChicken put a triple decker cheeseburger on top Oh, they're allowing like the like the surf and turt like all the things people used to do on their own They're actually adding to the menu now So it's basically like a subway where you can go down the surf and turnt like all the things people used to do on their own they're actually adding to the menu now So it's basically like a subway where you can go down the line and build your sandwich Can I get some triglycerides? Can I get some HGLs?

Starting point is 00:28:55 Just whips Smacks it on his anthem gum in this yeah, okay first. Oh, yeah, take those buns throw them away replace them with two patties I'm not tasting any carrageenan There was I ordered Tari I ordered 800 milligrams Tari. Did you guys see that post where somebody goes? It was somebody was like like I saw a post on reddit where a guy was he was obvious He was very he was neurodivergent and he was asking, he's afraid to go outside

Starting point is 00:29:29 and he was asking, he's never been to Subway and he was asking how to order at Subway and somebody very earnestly wrote out play-by-play directions of how to order at Subway and I'm crying right now. It was so nice. And I just got a little more hope in humanity. Yeah, literally, yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm hoping that guy got shot by the cops in the subway. How does that bring you hope? Yeah, both parties kill yourself. Yeah. If you are afraid to order at Subway, it's over, buddy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:54 It's fucking over. You're dead, you don't even know it. You should be ashamed of walking into the subway. Yes. Not ordering there. So this is a big thing on TikTok. Apparently people pretend to have is ordering anxiety. Have you seen this?

Starting point is 00:30:06 I have, I have heard about this folks. Apparently it's a thing that it plagues society that people can't, they don't want to talk to a waiter about what they want or they're in a drive-through line and they have, they're fucking like sweating, which is what you have when you're four. Yes. You go to your mom's arm, You go, tell them I want to say, that makes me can I have a little faggot me?

Starting point is 00:30:34 No, I've literally seen tech talk accounts that are like, it's the whole kind of somebody being like practicing my social anxiety interactions today. And they go up to a coffee shop filming themselves and they go, can I get one cappuccino? And they're like, whole milk? And they go, 2%? And they go, okay. And then they pay, and then they walk away and give a thumbs up into the camera.

Starting point is 00:30:56 And then every comment is like, so proud of you, Derrick. You're doing so good, Derrick. We love you, Derrick. That was so much better than three months ago. Yeah, Derrick used to be storming the beaches of Normandy. See, that's a guy. We're fucked. You wanna come up behind that guy

Starting point is 00:31:10 and put a hood over him and put him in your van. You wanna find that guy, put a hood over him, and let him give a speech. Shh. Hey. Hey. Hey. But that guy, by the way, just, he's filming himself.

Starting point is 00:31:22 You know how embarrassed I would be? Which is more, yeah, I think be. I'd be so embarrassed. I think it's bullshit, because I would not film myself. If I had social anxiety. That's why it's fake. Because they're filming themselves, and they're proud of the fake. Can you imagine, I have crippling social anxiety,

Starting point is 00:31:36 I'm walking into a coffee shop, and I'm holding my phone like this, and I go, can I get a latte? Yeah. Like I had that when I was like maybe like 20, where I'd be like, I go to the bank, I'm like, I don't even know why I'm at the bank. I can't even believe I have a bank account.

Starting point is 00:31:49 It's normal to be gay and retarded when you're 20. But these are the same guys now that film themselves listening to the, what is it called, unloved poets thing. Tortured Poets Society. Post department. I wish we could live in the 1830s if there were no racists. And she's supposed to be like the John Lennon of our day.

Starting point is 00:32:09 She is. She's singing, she's like, my tough boyfriend could finger me underneath the football stand. I'm 35 years old by the way. I gotta say, listen, if you like, like Taylor Swift, you should be shot in the face. She stinks. It's awful music, it's not deep whatsoever, she's a terrible songwriter, fuck you, I don't care,

Starting point is 00:32:29 it stinks, come at me. Yeah, it's narcissist music is what it is. It's unbelievably bad. But I like pop ladies, like I like Katy Perry and like some other people I've got. We love pop. You like her tits. Yeah, I like her tits, exactly.

Starting point is 00:32:40 And you like the big boardroom of white men that like, we're like, yeah, what if you do, what if you say, I am a survivor and exactly. And you like the big boardroom of white men that like, we're like, yeah, what if you do, what if you say, I am a survivor and stronger and you're gonna, what if you act like a lion in the song? Katie, what if you put a big, a bunch of cupcakes on your tits? Taylor Swift.

Starting point is 00:32:54 You know, like she walks around with huge tits and like she sucked off Russell Brand and made him cum a bunch. Katy Perry? She sucked off Russell Brand so much she became conservative. It was funny that Katie, that Russell Brand broke up with her right before she went on stage.

Starting point is 00:33:08 That was great. Oh, that was pretty funny. And then she has to step in a giant cupcake and get shot into a banana. Yeah. Yeah. She was also, one of my favorite things about Katy Perry, she's one of the first white people to get canceled

Starting point is 00:33:20 for pretending to give a shit about black people, which is pretty funny. I don't know if you remember this, Like it was like 2018. She like went on stage. She cut her hair, went on stage with Migos and was being like the hip hop hippity, hoppity, hop, hop. And then, you know, like Quavo is like overdosing in the back and people are like, yeah, we hate you now. Like fuck off and die. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, this is the most that's awful. I don't want to fuck her, and I think that, so I think here's the problem with society now,

Starting point is 00:33:48 you do go, you see a woman, and if you don't want to have sex with her, you go, you're a bad person, because you're making yourself where I don't want to fuck. Why, this is, you look like the barbarian monster. Travis Kelsey actually got a bad deal here, I think. Oh yeah, he got a, he got a, Oh, he'll be over this soon, he'll be,

Starting point is 00:34:04 Travis Kelsey will be fucking Glorilla in three weeks. He doesn't give a shit about this white bitch. This mediocre nothing. Look at that, imagine what the fuck that means. That's fucking sick. Eight, 10, 30s without no recess. Right, you know she rides dick by just weaving,

Starting point is 00:34:21 like shriveling her body around. Where Travis just like fucking ride on and she goes. She just kind of like shakes her body. She does like COVID shakes. And Travis has to be like, oh fuck. That's good, I'm not going soft on you pussy. Dude, there's an Instagram where it's sex advice for women to help them orgasm and stuff.

Starting point is 00:34:44 It's like, it's not for guys. I think that should be shut down. Joe Biden shut down. Tick tock. You keep reporting false information. Women can't come false fake news. It's so funny, because I saw a video where this woman, you like stay looking at it in the algorithm because the woman doing this

Starting point is 00:35:03 and it's text like women, if you do this. Circle on top of hips. Yeah, with them and then you'll really get an orgasm. Yeah, and then every comment is a black dude go, I'm not for real, y'all got to fuck off with that shit. And that's like, literally has like 90, like 900,000 votes on his card. Cause black guys are like, it's making me come too quick.

Starting point is 00:35:20 No, they're saying it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good. Cause it's just a woman just not hopping. She's just moving. Cause it's about them. Yeah No, they're saying it doesn't feel good. It's just a woman just just not hopping. She's just moving. It's about them. Yeah, because they're but that's the thing. They go. Here's how you can get yourself an orgasm. Like teaching women who aren't good at achieving at climaxing, how they can accomplish it with their partners. And it's every common is guys telling this woman to kill herself, which is really I got to say I have had I've had sex with women before where they're like riding you and then they're like they're like okay gonna kick into turbo mode and they're like humping

Starting point is 00:35:50 they're somehow keeping their pussy completely steel like every part of their body it's like those camera videos where it's like it keeps the head in the same shot of the frame the entire time they're basically putting a dental dam in their pussy and then fucking you they're're like, I didn't even, it's like, it's an operation, bitch. I want you to touch the walls. I want you to make my red nose light up. It feels like you put a pocket pussy on my dick and then went into jumping jacks in the corner.

Starting point is 00:36:15 I got nothing here. It'd be great if Taylor Swift like started dating Chris Brown at some point. And got really trapped into the abusive relationship. And he turns her into a black woman just through punches. I can't stand, I'm so sick of this shit. She's black and then blue the next couple weeks. I'm so sick of pretending she is something.

Starting point is 00:36:39 I'm so tired of just hearing about her. I hate. Stop it. I can't stand it. Knock it off. I'm so, this sucks Knock it off. This sucks. You suck. So the new thing, though, Devin, is she gives confidence but worthless by no means.

Starting point is 00:36:50 They film themselves. Guys film themselves crying listening to her new album. Have you seen? This is every viral video right now. These are guys. These are listening to it, and they're crying. Tears are falling down their eyes. Those are guys who've been trying to get out of the friend

Starting point is 00:37:01 zone for nine years, and they're eventually going to rape that woman and go to jail. Those are what those guys are. She makes music for Seth Simons She does but those guys type in like Selena Gomez young. Yeah, they type that Computer shows results. They go computer younger. Yeah She's also such a fucking bitch piece of shit. I mean number one her plane is like destroying earth Basically flies she flew. I think 500 times last year She flies she did a 15 minute flight one day and then also every time she releases this piece of shit out And she made she released it she released six different versions of the album

Starting point is 00:37:40 They're all the same, but they're all different colors So her Domby zombie brain dead leapro whore fans go out and spend $200 on one piece of shit album She should be running the defense and everybody that thinks Taylor Swift is a brilliant songwriter They're the type of people that think Snapple is a philosopher You're a fucking moron. You're a fucking retard. And literally, you're blatantly wrong. She stinks. Guys who save the Snap Effect top

Starting point is 00:38:09 and they go, I gotta show my friends this. But this is the thing I'm trying to wrestle with. Is it just like we go, oh, if we don't wanna fuck a lady, then she's a bad person. No, I wanna know. I wanna fuck ability. I wanna fuck her. What if she had a giant, oh, Jace wants to fuck her.

Starting point is 00:38:24 I wanna fuck her. I wanna fuck her. I wanna fuck her too. I'd let her suck me off at an AMC before fucking some dumb movie starts. I don't give a shit. She's fine looking, it's okay. It's not about her looks at all. It's about what she does and is.

Starting point is 00:38:34 She just sucks. Yeah, but if she had huge tits, then you'd be like, she's fine. Not even. Yeah, she had big f-cups and a huge ass. I would hold my hand over her tits and then scream at her. If she looked like Sydney Sweeney, you'd say, sure, whatever.

Starting point is 00:38:48 Sometimes I want a Civil War to break out, so there's footage right before, like, there's no more news of Kanye just RPGing her. Kanye in one of his big tanks from Montana. Literally, like, Kanye, like in the Civil War movie, where they're blowing up the Lincoln Memorial, but it's Kanye blowing up her home in, like, the Civil War movie where they're blowing up the Lincoln Memorial, but it's Kanye blowing up her home and like the Palisades.

Starting point is 00:39:07 In a tank in Nashville. With a tank. Yeah, yeah. I don't care, I'm so sick of pretending. If you think this is brilliant songwriting and she's a brilliant musician, you literally are just like kind of dumb. You are fucking, you're an idiot.

Starting point is 00:39:23 You're a dumb fucking person. And we're finished. We're finished here. We don't deserve to be on this plane. This is not a real life anymore. If you like Taylor Swift, you're the type of person where somebody shits on a brand and you go, hey, knock it off.

Starting point is 00:39:40 Like you get mad when people are mean to brands. Taylor Swift, I go, the Monkees are a brilliant Swift. I go, the Monkeys are a brilliant band. Yeah, I go. The Monkeys were amazing when I when I hear Taylor Swift. It's corporate horseshit. It's fucking target music. She's got Jack Ananoff chained in a basement, making the shittiest beats of all time. But won't history remember her as like this generation's Bob Dylan? History remembers like our president in 2040 who knew40 who don't know who Bob Dylan is. Yeah, they say I see all the time

Starting point is 00:40:09 This is my generation's Bob Dylan. That's what they say about and they don't listen to Bob Dylan. Yeah They know him as a reference to look like they should be talking about On a level that she that that she doesn't deserve to be if they don't know who Bob Dylan If they listen to Bob Dylan, they're like, why did he say Negro in this song? They'd like freak out. Lose their fucking minds. And I think guys are probably pretending

Starting point is 00:40:31 to like Taylor Swift so they can fuck the girls who love Taylor Swift, right? Yeah, there's such a thing. Like if you shit on Taylor Swift, you're like such a piece of shit guy because that's like their one savior. You cannot cross this line. But just like, it's enough already.

Starting point is 00:40:44 She's like Pepsi Cola Yes, what's bullshit is guys don't get to have sacred stuff. Why do women get to have sacred? We have sacred stuff do a lot of Anthony comey lemon party podcast There's a lot of sacred things out there for guys white guys don't get anything Guys in general, let's not talk about white guys. We're going to go to a dangerous place. Guys in general don't have anything sacred. Yeah they do. There's a Matt and Shane secret podcast. They go like, sawdow, baby.

Starting point is 00:41:11 That's the white man's version of like, you know. With white people, it's we can have the Joker and people will criticize us, but it's like we're in a Ford and they're shooting arrows at a big stone wall. They're just bouncing off and like going in their leg and they're getting sepsis. I'm saying we don't have a thing where we go, come on, let me just have this one thing. big stone wall. They're just bouncing off and like going in their leg and they're getting sepsis. I'm saying we don't have a thing where we go, come on, let me just have this one thing. Yeah, because we're like, no, we get everything. Fuck you. I don't give a shit about what you think.

Starting point is 00:41:33 We don't ask for shit. I guess the one thing guys get is that we don't have to listen to women. They just get to give us that. They go, they just don't listen and we don't judge them for not listening at all or thinking my thoughts are important. No, that's why guys don't listen to women. They go, yeah, I love Taylor Swift, whatever. Put your headphones on, get in the bathroom, go fuck, do whatever you do.

Starting point is 00:41:50 You're a retard. Go put the helmet on. Yeah, I have no respect. Literally, you might as well be somebody that has seizures all the time, but we have to give you a helmet. Like, you're a fucking moron. Go in the bathroom, take your seven hour shower,

Starting point is 00:41:59 and listen to your dumb cunt. You have no taste. You're literally dead to me. You already are like a dead person that I just fuck. You're a moron, you have no, literally zero taste. I don't respect a single opinion you've ever had because you like this bitch. You're a moron, you literally like the female John Deere.

Starting point is 00:42:17 You're a woman that's into tractors and this is your tractor. Get the fuck out of my life, get in the bathroom, take your nine hour bath and pretend this is the tractor. Get the fuck out of my life, get in the bathroom, take your nine hour bath, and pretend this is the modern fucking Beatles. Honey, go drink your two bottles of wine you have every night and pretend you're not a fucking alcoholic. Go drink that wine that is really sweet

Starting point is 00:42:34 because you're a moron that can't handle anything dry because everything needs to taste like fucking hummingbird syrup to you. You suck, everything's over, just get out of here, and suck me off until I fucking blow your head off and kill my kid too. Woo! Woo!

Starting point is 00:42:52 Got her, got her dumb ass. Oh, I was trying to play this guy. This is my Taylor Swift. Yeah, that is. That's our one guy. Yeah, for some reason it's not coming out of it, but whatever. You get this.

Starting point is 00:43:03 They probably shut the volume down. Start a fucking revolution. Start a fucking revolution. I would love for Pete Seeger to still be alive so you could show him that guy. He'd be like, what a fucking great dad. Yeah. Truly. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:43:22 Sorry. Yeah, that's way too loud. Yeah, you wish. Bitch. Bitch. Fuck you. It's just like how insane is it that you're still singing about guys you fuck? Because it's, because that's what you need to, she knows she needs to do that.

Starting point is 00:43:37 It's not authentic. What I'm going to say is, is women, this is how retarded women are, and we love women on the show, but kill yourself. Um, is that women's ultimate form of humor or entertainment is literally just talking about shitty guys who came inside of them. Yes, she's, she's, she makes music for women that don't exist unless they're with a guy. Yes, literally cannot exist away from a guy.

Starting point is 00:43:59 Oh my God, yes. She makes music for women that literally have nothing to say. They don't even know they're alive unless they're with a man and they Feed off that man and they need that power That energy they think they're Yeah with a blowjob machine you think you're a feminist you have so much internalized misogyny you've destroyed your entire personality Yes, and it's just about a guy who sucked who came in you for nine years But he's the idiot because he and by the way, you're never getting a leg up on him.

Starting point is 00:44:26 He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't give a shit. He left the relationship. Matty Healy's killing it. He's fucking saying the N-word in a cave somewhere. He doesn't care. He's in his llama pad. He doesn't care.

Starting point is 00:44:37 He came on your face and you're a moron making albums about him. You can make all the money you want, but he doesn't give a shit. He's having sex with everybody he wants to. You made it a thing where you only are alive unless you're with him. You only matter unless you're with a guy. Get your own independence and stop making shitty fucking music.

Starting point is 00:44:55 It's literally it's for empty people. It's for people that they're they're fucking they're they're empty. They're bulls. They're bulls waiting to be filled. You suck. This is awful art, it's not art. She's not a musician. She fucking sucks. She'd be the 458th most famous person in any other era.

Starting point is 00:45:16 She fucking stinks. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, you're in front of the black choir. Oh happy when that dumb white bitch, Oh Devin walked in the church they thought he was gonna like Dylan roof the place Yeah, just start screaming about Taylor Swift and they go away with this white boys The guys you start doing the worm down the line. It was his way of happiness. When Jesus walked.

Starting point is 00:45:52 And I'll come up here screaming, I'm like, she looks like she walks on all fours. Fuck her. And a black lady's like, oh, child, oh, here. Let him cook, baby. I'll let him cook. Let him cook. This white boy going to cook now,

Starting point is 00:46:07 then he going to shoot up this whole place and send us a jeebus. Oh, it is so insane. It's so funny. She's so much more famous than like a Jill, like Jill Scott, like Lauryn Hill. There's so many great women. There's so many great women.

Starting point is 00:46:19 It's unbelievable. There's so many great women musicians who are nowhere near as famous as this person. They'll never have anything. Yes, never have anything. Yeah. That's unbelievable, dude. I know. She fucking sucks.

Starting point is 00:46:28 I'm so sick of seeing her stupid face pop up. Most great women musicians hate Taylor Swift by the way. I've seen like Joni Mitchell be like, yeah, she sucks. Fuck her. Right. Aretha Franklin was like, she's a piece of shit. Like they all hate her. They all hate her music.

Starting point is 00:46:40 If you're a real artist, you hate what she does. Everyone with like people like Taylor Swift, they pretend that they have any appreciation or knowledge of the past. They don't. You are a complete narcissist. Your dad was a finance analyst who paid your first record label, I think $140,000, to get your first record made.

Starting point is 00:46:58 There's nothing about you that is anything but privilege, just white, entitled privilege. You know what's funny is you can replace a woman with a hand. Yeah, and they, yeah. Palm and five fingers, you're out, you're buddy around the street. My hand makes better music, hold on, let me. That's pretty good.

Starting point is 00:47:16 That's a great beat, that's a great beat. If you have a hand in a podcast playing, you've replaced a girlfriend, congrats. That's all you need. Like 4,000 guys who just saluted their laptop. 4,000 guys stood up with their pants down in an apartment that smells like cat piss but they don't own a cat.

Starting point is 00:47:36 And they go, yes sir! But when they salute, cum comes off their forehead because they accidentally touched their face. They salute and the cum splatters on their fucking 4k TV that is porn blared and a absolute. Yeah, exactly. Have you all seen this chick? Yeah, yeah. With the back. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:55 I haven't got to watch this yet. I was going to save it for the podcast because I thought it could be good. What is this, Devin? So this is a sex offender. But this is like the streamer and she dresses up as a kid with cupcakes walking around a city known to house a child sex offender She's a streamer that pretends to be like a kid, but she's like of age Okay, and she goes she went to this like land that is like a sex offender like commune basically It's it's you know how there's like areas apparently where it's like just full of it's a sex offenders pervert island

Starting point is 00:48:23 River Park pervert, shit like that. So it's one of those places, and she's just there to get views. So she's like Will Smith and I am legend. And yeah, and also, by the way, these people, they are sex offenders, I don't really know what they did, but also you could be a sex offender for anything nowadays, kind of.

Starting point is 00:48:37 Like you could have pulled your dick out trying to pee by a school, you're drunk, you don't know it, you're a sex offender now. You could have fucked in your car, and then you're a pedophile the rest of your life. If you're fucking in your car, you're a sex offender. I got a hand job in a park. I could easily be a sex offender So like shit like that fucked in our car. I don't really know what this guy did

Starting point is 00:48:50 He maybe was like a creep whatever but right he's trying to read You know, he's trying to like pick his life back up in the parking lot of a band in Walmart or whatever Right everybody's on this pedophile side everybody Imagine sucking so much ass a pedophile wins. OK, let's see here. We're walking. Well, we're walking. I understand. I missed you.

Starting point is 00:49:11 Stop filming. Wait, your name is Fred, right? No, my name's not Fred. Wait. My name's irrelevant. Stop filming, dude. You're on private property. You came up to me.

Starting point is 00:49:19 We weren't even filming you. I'm telling you not to. Yeah, you were. His name is William Jr. Oh, William. Nice to meet you. Have a name is William Jr. Oh William nice to meet you. Have a good day. Okay stop filming bro seriously. I know we weren't even we were trying we were about to walk off and you came up to me. I don't want that. Well it was a private property. This is not private property. He's like I'm trying to buy a van for my own personal needs. Now leave. You guys

Starting point is 00:49:41 say that to scare us off. I don't want to scare you off. I don't really care what you're doing. He thinks 1999 is the age of the U-Haul. I've been working here 15 years and you probably even been breathing 15 years. Please get the fuck off my property. What's so hard about this? We're brought to leave. No, you're standing here filming me. Because you came up to us. What have they done to our schools? Please leave. What? You registered sex with them and you're using your name as your name? And he's probably a pedophile. He's like, what have they done to our schools? They're so hard to get into. You've got to sign in.

Starting point is 00:50:11 You touch little girls. You don't know what the fuck I did. I know what you did. I did a background check on you. Okay, so what did I do? And you're coming up to me. Mind your mouth. Bro, don't tickle me. Oh, she hit her.

Starting point is 00:50:21 By the way, the hands behind the back approaching a woman is like, I've been there a couple times in my life. Where you're like, I'm not gonna hit you because my hands are tied behind my back, but holy shit. Yeah, you're like walking the plank toward her. You're almost like prepping, you're like, give a shot. Give me a shot.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Yeah, I'm like, punch me. Punch me. I go, we're on camera. Does it feel good? I'll be on WorldStar, I don't care. Obviously you shouldn't do it, but it probably feels pretty good to hit a woman. To hit a woman? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:46 It's probably got to feel terrible. No, if she hits you first and then you're totally carte blanche to really swing on her. I think even then it's like, you kill her. If she's a big girl, I'd swing on a big girl. Well, I do see a lot of videos where I'm like really like, I'm like really into the guy hitting the woman. But they're being a huge ratchet piece of shit in public

Starting point is 00:51:04 and the guy's doing nothing and hitting them over and over again outside of a nightclub and the guy just finally hits her to get her off him. And you like that. Like the eight ball jacket subway video is a classic example. That's okay, but yeah, I wanna, I don't know. I mean, maybe it feels like God sucked your dick.

Starting point is 00:51:19 Who knows? I'd swing on a Changa. On a Changa? A San Bernardino Changa. If she was coming at me and she hit me like Eight or nine times and then I just I reared back and then I but then I exposed myself and then she knocked me out And she got over me with her little backpack on her back which makes her look like a big like She drops her really tight pants and starts pissing on my face with her hairy bush

Starting point is 00:51:42 You go ma'am. I don't I I don't wanna fuck you up right now. And then she jumps up and wraps. She puts you in a leg triangle while you're standing up and snaps your neck, drags you to the ground. She Michael Claytans me. Yeah. Takes off my shoe. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:57 Injects you. Injects air into your foot. Fucking, oh my fucking grrr. Oh. Oh my fucking grrr. There's bubbles in this fucking injection. Oh shit, oh my fucking, oh my fucking, oh my fucking, oh my fucking, there's bubbles in this fucking injection. Oh shit, we gotta like totally kill this guy and like cover up this like corporate crime.

Starting point is 00:52:14 Michael Clamber, they're all cholas. Yeah. They're like, they're like, Michael, I've been like baptized in the new religion and shit. Holding the big bag of bread, but it's a bunch of shitty cookie. I've been mixing roundup in my haritos I think that shit's giving me cancer All right, let's see if he knocks the shit out of this little girl Yeah, but this is a grown woman who's acting like a four-ten year old. Yeah, it's like a 26 year old woman

Starting point is 00:52:42 Yes, I don't have to be your boss. I do run this piece of property though. No you don't. Go. Yeah, I do. I don't got a piece. I'm about to leave right now sir. Then leave. Stop coming bro. Okay. So you shouldn't have came up.

Starting point is 00:52:53 I'm asking you to stay still and go. Okay, but you made a mistake coming up to me. No I didn't. I'm doing my job. God, please fucking. You're the one. You're the one. Let me see that shit posted. Let me see.

Starting point is 00:53:02 I've been playing this game for 30 years. Okay. Let me see this shit posted. I've been raping kids for this game for 30 years. Okay I've been raped kids for 30 years They've been talking about this place There's been so many videos made about this place You think I don't know I'm the LeBron of fucking kids You don't think I can make a girl disappear?

Starting point is 00:53:15 You think Kobe Bryant can't make a free throw? Because it is legal Who the fuck are you to run? Because you're a registered sex offender you sicko That's fucking disgusting you can't make a free throw. Shut me up! Shut me up, go! You should go away, we're leaving. Asshole. Fucking psychopath. You touch little girls and think you can tell me what to do? He's like, wigger. By the way, obviously she cares. Stop giving your boyfriend money.

Starting point is 00:53:57 She cares nothing for victims of molestation. Not at all, she's exploiting it. Yeah, no, 100%. And also, here's the thing, we don't really know the grounds of what he was, the sex offender thing, so that guy could just be somebody that's been trying to overcome something,

Starting point is 00:54:13 an unfortunate charge that he got from maybe peeing by a school drunkenly one night or something, who knows? It actually is kind of crazy, the levels of sex offenders out there, if you look up what you could be charged as a sex offender. I read Reddit threads all the time about a guy explaining.

Starting point is 00:54:27 And I go, you're not a sex offender. But that's crazy. A pedophile could be a guy or a girl and that's not fair also. The hot teachers that keep fucking the students. Don't nobody care. It's not the same thing, unfortunately. But if you're a bearded man,

Starting point is 00:54:39 you're like the creepiest guy of the time. Then fuck that guy. Yeah, exactly. But if it's a hot lady, who cares? It's awesome, you're actually helping society, and I agree with that. Did you guys see Civil War, by the way? I loved it.

Starting point is 00:54:51 Not very civil. Very good, very good. Very good, very good. Bit of a misleading title, actually. I thought it was gonna be pretty boring. I didn't know they'd have a woman lead. You should've called it Civil Whore. Yeah, Civil Whore, it's about what's going on

Starting point is 00:55:05 with Kristen Dunst's face. I love her, by the way. No, she's fantastic. That was the ugliest lead in a movie in fucking 25 years for a female. And I thought she was beautiful. And she was amazing, she's so attractive to me. You're giving me an aged mom with huge milk bits.

Starting point is 00:55:21 Beautiful. Kristen Dunst has always been one of the most, like somehow through the screen you can tell she's a down to earth person. I've always had such a crush on her. I love her my whole life. Amazing tits. Have you seen Melancholia?

Starting point is 00:55:33 You see her tits in Melancholia. She's great. She's great. And kind of that weird but still attractive face that actually makes you more attractive. Cause you're like, it seems like I could still kind of almost pull her. She's so hot in Melanchancholy of the moons trying to fuck

Starting point is 00:55:47 It destroys her By the way Devon will you or Jase You get what do you guys want to see Civil War with me after this cuz I haven't seen it yet And I really want to see it. Yeah, I'll see it sure what did Evan say I think he said yeah I don't know me and Devon by the way so Jays after you left the podcast of the night. Yeah What a high jinx you guys get in me and Devon went to fuck? What's it called Devon was like he was all chomping at the bit to go to oh, you know this place called BJ's brew house I love BJ's brew house. They have a thing called the Pazuki. Yes the Pazuki very very good Pazuki. Did you get it?

Starting point is 00:56:23 Well, I had an entire Deep dish pizza to myself. So they didn't get also gets a dessert and a skillet as well Mmm, you can't have two skillets on the table. Yes, you fat of a thing You asked for a pizookie to go and they kicked you out. I think they put it in a big a little skillet they do put it I've seen it before I when I worked at the alarm company like all the They do put it I've seen it before I when I worked at the alarm company like all the The corporate guys sales guys love yeah corporate guys who look like mashed potatoes and a white guy mold Love to go into BJ's and they named it that knowing that like it's kind of an ironic thing It's literally for Michael Scott managers to be like

Starting point is 00:56:58 God got BJ's today And then they fire their secretary after they touch them inappropriately She didn't fuck him and then he fired it. then he fired yeah I'll see you in my office he grabbed her Ted and she goes what and he goes step into my office we've got you stealing get your dirty ass out of here dude if I was the boss of like a like a paper I got to call I'd call women in the office I'd be like yeah we're gonna have to let you go you You haven't fucked me. And I wanna fuck you.

Starting point is 00:57:27 Yeah, I wanna fuck you really bad. You didn't. I didn't even try to fuck you, I'm just mad that I want to and I know you wouldn't. So, we're gonna say you were stealing and we're gonna fire you. And do not list this as a reference. I will tell them you were stealing.

Starting point is 00:57:43 I will do that. Dude, it's actually crazy when you get an office job that people actually get into office politics for real and it affects your life is insane That like fucking these sad losers will literally be like I have control over him and I'll fuck I'll ruin his fucking life Yeah, they've been waiting for that. They've been waiting for it. It's it's it's so insane I've had I've had old bosses do that to me where they're like, yeah, I'll give you a reference That'll be great. And then the like company I'm applying to like calls them up and they're like he's a piece of shit He like stole from us. He like did all this like made-up shit. They can't resist They can't resist finally being able to like influence somebody else's life

Starting point is 00:58:14 Yes, they've been waiting their whole life to be like well like all I have to say is one negative thing and it changes everything Yeah, I mean I manage a team of seven alarm salesmen who are 26 and I it's turned me into Hitler Yeah, the Hitler of South Burbank Yeah Lucky I never I never had like normal jobs like yeah I was looking at work in the back at like a restaurant so much better, dude I've had those jobs too there so like you can just put on headphones and like nobody even knows you're alive Yeah, it rules. I told Jace we were at a

Starting point is 00:58:47 BJ's last week when he went home and then me and you were like, Devin was like, why don't we go to BJ's brew house? Can I tell you? And it was a wild romp. And Devin kept ordering beers and the bus boy was standing there waiting for us to get up from the table. We were the two assholes that wanted to leave.

Starting point is 00:59:03 Well, there's also a table of the goth kids from South Park that were there. There was a bunch of people there. It was all South Park characters. People dressed up like Invader Zim. But it was also kind of bullshit. We got there an hour before closing. We did, yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:16 That guy's gotta take four buses to get to Santa Ana. So he wants to get the hell out of there. All those places, it's like you just know all the employees at a place like BJ's, they all are like, they all go fucking get fucked up at the same house party. They're all waiting to go to that one thing. They play beer pong into their 30s.

Starting point is 00:59:34 They go to a rave all together. It's like every time I've walked into a T-Mobile, I'm like, oh my god, you guys will all be dead of fentanyl in like three weeks. You are all raving together. Why is every T-Mobile is like five Mexican teenagers who go to the same high school? I don't know, but every T-Mobile employee,

Starting point is 00:59:52 they get lit on weekends. Yes, 100%. They hire based on that, I think. I think so. It's always the same, it's like one really fat ass lady, one really big guy who like whiffs. And she's fat because she got raped a bunch. Yeah She got raped one too many times. I'm sorry. I meant like fat ass like good

Starting point is 01:00:14 You mean like literally the AT&T lady in the commercials everybody wants to have sex with yeah Push your tits into her ass that would be her yeah who like hated the main reason she was loved Yeah, like that every AT&T commercial she was wearing like snow pants and a big fucking like North Face Jack She's in a ghillie suit like a sniper in Iraq Like how dare you make me famous and rich because of my juicy luscious titties was that lady thinks of herself as a director She like directs the AT&T in commercial. So she thinks there's like an art of course She was she was one of the she was like a peer of ours, I imagine. She was an East L.A. stand up.

Starting point is 01:00:48 She was an East L.A. like improv troupe. She was a UCB person. Yeah, UCB lady. No, everyone here gets into comedy so they can like, you know, pledge their loyalty to shell like gas. Yeah, no, everyone, they do improv so they could be the fucking, the Geico Gecko or whatever. It's a real honorable life. so they could be the fucking the Geico gecko. Yeah. Whatever. I still. It's a real honorable life.

Starting point is 01:01:06 The Geico caveman, like he goes up at Flappers and he's like, ah fuck, you guys remember the caveman Geico commercials? And everyone's like, woo! Yeah, you know what's, you know, it's like Saturday. Jake from State Farm shows up at a local show and you have to like pretend he's great. When you should have.

Starting point is 01:01:20 Jake from State Farm dropped in. And you're just like. It's like Chappelle dropping in at one AM. You're just praying the whole time, a stray bullet from July 4th just finally falls right into his fucking skull. That's been floating in space.

Starting point is 01:01:31 Yeah, it's just been making its way around Mars. Yeah, been falling in space as ex-satellite. A little sputnik. What's even sadder is it'll be like, oh, Flo from Progressive, she's at the Tampa Side Splitters and she's making like four grand and then she gets ass fucked after the show by a guy who's so sunburned his skin is falling off while he's fucking around.

Starting point is 01:01:51 She's the type of girl you'd love to ass fuck her like a lot. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Something about her hair and her face you just wanna ass fuck her. It's cause she looks like she's from the 50s so. Before butt sex was invented.

Starting point is 01:02:04 There's something about the, you know that unknown legend song. What's that? Float across the floor Watch it float across the floor. This is 13% of the population and they make up all the crime. Yeah, that one? He's singing. It's a guy. He's singing at a diner.

Starting point is 01:02:34 This lady comes over at a roadside diner. He wants to fuck her really bad. And that's what the whole song's about. I thought that's what Harvest Moon was about. It's a I want to come inside you. Oh man. Look in my way. I'm a lot like you were 22 and I just make you a lot like you were. Hold on, hold on. Obviously I can't, let me talk into the microphone because it's my job. I can't,

Starting point is 01:03:12 she used to work in a diner. Never saw a woman look finer. I used to order just to watch her float across the floor. Who is this, is this Neil Young? Yeah, Neil Young. She used to work at a diner. Yeah work at a time, yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a miner, she was a miner.

Starting point is 01:03:31 She promoted ivermectin, so I took my music off Spotify. You had to listen to Harvest Moon on YouTube for four years. I'm a typical old retard. Apparently Rogan clapped back at Neil Young because then he allowed his music back on Spotify again. It's like, so you believe in nothing. Yeah, he didn't care. He lost, and then it was about money.

Starting point is 01:03:51 Everything moved on. He sold his music to a company that ultimately was owned by BlackRock, who also owned part of the vaccine company. He's a grumpy Canadian retard who's a fake liberal like the rest of them. Yeah, he was like a notorious piece of shit in the 60s and 70s great music Yeah, he was a psycho piece of shit. Yeah

Starting point is 01:04:10 Look at flow from aggressive. I'm gonna fuck her in the asshole Look at shake from State Farm, he's a dirty black Dude, I want to make a whole album where I talk about the different people from commercials. I want to fuck. Yeah. You want to fuck like the Geico Gecko. You want to fuck the Budweiser frauds. But this song, Unknown Legend, it like you know the type of lady he's talking about where

Starting point is 01:04:39 it's like you see her and she has a certain way about her, the way she places the eggs on the table and you see the wrinkles wrinkles the scars in her hands from a lady You know when she got hit by a train a lady who was meant for a better life But now she's in the last picture show and she's 45 But you go there's something almost beautiful about her like a flower growing in a desert that was Just beat into death by the harsh desert winds you see those hard Grego, I want a titty fucker. You go, I want to fuck her and then never call her.

Starting point is 01:05:08 Exactly. And ruin her month. I want to give her the last bit of hope that a man's gonna come and change everything. And she's like, where? She's like, are you just gonna fuck me and leave? I'm like, no, no, I really like you. I think we have a connection.

Starting point is 01:05:19 Then I fuck her and then I leave and I never talk to her. Well, let me see. Well, it says she was an unknown legend in her time. That's what it says here. Now she's dressing two kids, looking for a magic kiss. She gets the faraway look in her eyes. So this guy, he's hung over in a diner and he sees a mother of two that's just trying

Starting point is 01:05:32 to make it through the day. And he, so this is the type of guy who thinks she wants to fuck him actually. So he's a retard. Yeah, yeah. Because he goes, somewhere on a desert highway, she rides a Harley Davidson.

Starting point is 01:05:45 Is that actually Neil Young? Her long blonde hair. I don't think it's Neil Young. Yeah, yeah. I don't think it's Neil Young. Yeah, Unknown Legend by Neil Young. It's my favorite Neil Young song. Satin on a heart of rape.

Starting point is 01:05:57 Do you know Neil Young has an album called Trans? He does? Yeah, it's supposed to be like Trans Am but it's called Trans. Yeah Somewhere on a desert. I'm gay. I don't know. Is that really Neil Young? Are you looking exactly at she's been running half her life the She right sounds like John Cougar Mellenke. Yeah, maybe I'm singing it all fuck. Well, is it does it say Neil Young on? What are you looking? Yeah, unknown legend by new. I'm singing it all fuck. Well, is it does it say Neil Young on what are you looking? Yeah unknown legend by new I'm not making okay. I'm a big Neil Young fan

Starting point is 01:06:29 The first album I actually ever got after He's drunk as a skunk are you kidding me I am carrying you he did a bunch of He did a bunch of cocaine with John off last night. Yeah. John and Devon again, really into the code. Not at all. I call him a fat fuck that will die soon. And I really try and make him feel bad. But all this guy does coke with John off all night and then he shows up to the podcast. He's just screaming.

Starting point is 01:06:56 Right. Well, John does coke because he thinks it's soda. And we will. We will. It's the end of the podcast, so we will edit this out. No, no, no, no, we're not editing it out. Fuck you. You kidding me? That's a retard. Nothing compared to what I did. I went to the Connors show last night and I just relentlessly just ripped John to shreds

Starting point is 01:07:15 in front of people. I did Haywatch on Friday. I almost feel, it's funny because you start shitting on him and then I guess I'm too weak. I start to feel bad. Yeah. Fuck you. No, dude, he needs it. He needs to be shitting on him. He needs it. He needs to be shit on.

Starting point is 01:07:25 He's gonna be dead very soon if we don't like. He's doing this annoying thing where it's like, John, you don't just represent your own body and vessel. If you die, you ruin my life. We love you. Well, that's what I, We all love you. I told you.

Starting point is 01:07:41 We can't do this. We have to bury you. Stop. And by the way, we have to pay for your funeral, too Carry his body We're we're burning that guy. You kidding me. Yeah, we're putting them in a Folger Jesus Christ We got a fucking rent an island out just to bury him. Yeah, or we put him in the incinerator at Arby's We turn we turn him into horsey. Yeah turn them into a little Caesar's fucking cardboard box.

Starting point is 01:08:07 Yeah, we bring them to like a fucking like a butcher and they just put them in that big thing that they make ham out of. They hand us 80 slices of John. Mickey Rourke has to fucking put John through the thing. Wrapping John in that paper you only get at the deli. Take him to the labrador pits. Just push him in. But uh. Push him in and watch him sink for nine hours.

Starting point is 01:08:32 But by the way this guy in this song, this is John basically because he's like, because John would stop at probably a roadside diner in the desert and then John romanticizes about like saving this woman and then but the reality is if John asked this woman like on a Date she'd be like no what is wrong with you? So I have a nice life. He's but you're retired with a Harley Davidson I don't want to well you're you waddled in on your Harley Davidson Yeah, he doesn't look like you could ride. Yeah, he did He was he was doing the thing where he was trying to park it and then as he's trying to turn off He accidentally hits the ignition and the the bike goes through the front window of the diner John right now is Seth Green in the Italian job when he shows up On that motorcycle and he keeps dropping it Yeah, I swear the Italian BMT job

Starting point is 01:09:24 Very good, I mean it's a joke. It's a joke a second here on the show. You got to keep up. We're calling people fat We're calling them gay take notes Take notes You know John is the guy who's trying to rev to impress people and the bike just takes off down the road and goes into a Car and he's like, oh fuck and then he has to run away with this John tried to show me he goes No, dude Goes into a car and he's like, oh fuck, and then he has to run away with this helmet on. John tried to show me, he goes, no dude, look how fucking, like look how fucking sick it is. And then he showed me a picture of him

Starting point is 01:09:48 next to his motorcycle, and it was the gayest photo I've ever seen in my entire life. It looks like he's about to fuck the motorcycle. It looks like he's about to get fucked by it. Like the wheel's gonna go in his ass and go a bunch. He gets fucked by the motorcycle. Yeah, I know. I was so mad at him, when he said that thing at dinner

Starting point is 01:10:06 and I was like, I unfortunately love you, I won't go to your funeral, idiot. Like you have to, you do owe things to people in your life. Like you can't just die because you're dying. You can't just keep being this reckless because it's like, I'm different than you. Actions have consequences. Someone kept screaming like, no, no, no,

Starting point is 01:10:20 it's been John's dream for six years to get a motorcycle. I'm like, yeah, it's every loser's dream to get a motorcycle one day, congrats. You know what I think about your dreams? Kill yourself, who cares? Oh, my dreams, yeah, we all got them. None of them came true, dumbass. Obviously, if I had a kid or something like you,

Starting point is 01:10:39 I wouldn't get a motorcycle. I'm like, so you're saying if you had anything at all to live for, you wouldn't get a motor. That's what you're telling me. You're telling me, buddy, I have nothing get a motorcycle. I'm like, so you're saying if you had anything at all to live for, if you wouldn't get a motor, that's what you're telling me. You're telling me, buddy, I have nothing to live for. Yeah, buddy, I'll just make you guys sad and I don't give a shit. And then he literally started doing the Louie thing

Starting point is 01:10:53 where he goes, if you think about it, so it's smart to ride a motorcycle. Remember that Louie episode when he's buying the Triumph? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where John started arguing that it's actually safer. And you know why? You know why he says it's safer? Why?

Starting point is 01:11:07 I don't know if you guys talked about this on Hey Watch already. He says, he says he claims it's safer to ride a motorcycle because he can't listen to music. Swear to God he said that to me. He goes, dude, I can't vape, I can't vape on it. He can't vape on it and he can't listen to music. By the way, within two months,

Starting point is 01:11:21 he's gonna be doing both of those things at the same time. Dude, yeah, he's gonna have like a vape. He's gonna drill a hole in his helmet. You tell me John is not gonna listen to like Frankenstein by Edgar Winter Band while he rides his shitty motorcycle through Koreatown. Listening to Fog Hat. Yeah listening to BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. And then he flies through the window of a fucking coop. Yeah I mean I'm gonna have to keep making fun of John like on this show. I'll, I'm going to have to keep making fun of John. Like on this show, I'll go on hate watch to make fun of John too. I call John and make fun of him. I got it. I care about him and I love him.

Starting point is 01:11:53 It's the only way I know how to get him to stop being him. You got to beat some people down. Somewhere on a desert highway, there's a fairy tart who can barely drive his new Harley Davidson. Did you see Joey took a video of John peeling out his Harley Davidson? Yes, I did, yes.

Starting point is 01:12:11 And he's wobbling and he's too fat to ride it. It looked like a bird leaving the nest. It looked not good. That video, where can I find that video? Is it on Joey's Twitter or something? I think Joey has to send it to you. It got deleted off or something? I think Joey has to send it to you. It got deleted off his story. Yeah, Joey has to send it to you.

Starting point is 01:12:27 We played it on Hate Watch. Go to Hate Watch, you can see it. Hate Watch is an episode. The one I'm on, right? The one I'm on, so they can see it. It'll be out on Monday. It'll be out tomorrow. Oh yeah, because Jason Hate Watch on Friday.

Starting point is 01:12:36 I did Hate Watch, by the way. Go check that out. The video of him trying to write. I know, just water him. And you know in his head, he thinks he is, like it's fucking, he's in each Dracula You know he's like on fire. Yeah, all and he's but he looks like jigsaw on the little bicycle He's also a new uncle he is his sister just had a kid so he's like now the raising Arizona guy with an

Starting point is 01:13:03 Who's an uncle it's like come on. We're not gonna get tattoos for you, buddy No, yeah. All right. Let's wrap this up patreon.com slash lemon party See you on the other side Jason said drawings by Jason lemon party dot life DC Philly Boston, New York come see us next week. Goodbye. Bye I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, music would eyes of Bolita, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. My love was deep o'er this Mexican lane, I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a while young Calmore came in, wild as the West Texas wind.

lemonparty - 078: Unknown Legend

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