lemonparty - 079: Indian Incels with Mike Recine

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

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I'm gonna be light beam, always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of me. Mike, thanks for coming on the show, buddy. Thanks for having me. Congratulations to your daughter for attacking Alec Baldwin in the coffee shop. Yeah. I saw you posted that on Twitter.

Just like we practiced. Mm-hmm. You know? It is, you were saying, it is hilarious that it has nothing to do, like him shooting that lady has nothing to do with Israel or Palestine She just went for it. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. He gets treated in the Hamptons like OJ and Brentwood. Yeah You're better

Well, they also in in the hamps they view Irish people as black people so it's very similar. Yeah Yeah, no you're training your son to go to Columbia like Rambo right now Taking people out. Yeah Yeah, what is happening in a and your neck of the woods over there with? Almost said Columbine, but Columbia. I'm gonna say Columbia. What's going on up there people? I see you Barlow tweeting stuff about a yeah nonsense. Yeah, he has her Venmo in her in her Twitter bio So you can request money from her? Which is a crime in Israel yeah, yeah, yeah, right

You like before like a court and those are sent to you the fry your ass yeah, because you requested five dollars for a bagel She tweeted some anti- something somatic violence to request five dollars from her. She tweeted some bullshit today about Columbia Bullshit, I don't even know if it's bait with her at this point She said Charlottesville is child's play compared to what she did say that yeah, yeah Charlottesville is child's play compared to what's going on. What is going on? They're just protesting, right?

I think it's literally like they're just making shit up. Yeah. I saw one lady was like, oh, I got stabbed in the eye at a Palestine protest. And then you read the article and she was like, so I went to the medic and he was like, looks pretty tough. You might want to go to the hospital if you want. Which is like, clearly you're not stabbed

in the fucking eye. Yeah. The paramedic's like, I mean, you might want to go to the hospital if you want, which is like clearly you're not stabbed in the fucking eye. Yeah. If the paramedics like, I mean, if you want to go to the urgent care, like that's fine. You know? So and then there was one woman who was like, I'm a proud Jew. I'm going to go to the protest. And she was, she went wearing a t-shirt that said, and nobody did any of that. Yeah. Yeah. Where am I? Merch? Well, you are wearing a Polish shirt. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Walking into the camps that shirt. This is the best t-shirt that I have

It doesn't make any sense, but I just got it at a strip mall and I'm all in Buffalo It's got a buffalo on it says Polish. I love it. Yeah, yeah, it fits Well, it could be like some weird street gang that only exists in Upper New York could be yeah Yeah, yeah, but as far as I know it's well, it could be like some weird street gang that only exists in Upper, New York could be yeah Yeah, yeah, but as far as I know it's not And if they if they confront me, I'll just I'll just say not affiliated That's yours just a fan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then you turn around on the back of your shirt. It just says Jew She has to pull like a star of David, like a Holocaust, like Jude on the back of her shirt, I think.

No, they're going to start branding themselves. Yeah. No, they're literally tattooing their own numbers and their forms. Yeah. It's a perfect metaphor for Israel, because it's a thing you pin on yourself for persecution. Yeah.

It's weird, because over here, it's majority Jewish in a lot of the places we sure Yeah, like all my neighbors not that I noticed that Not that I yeah, did you drive past the Jojo Seawall car on the way here? Oh, that's what that is Yeah, like it's apparently. Oh really? Yeah, two cars wrapped with her face. Oh, she's got her own face on her car Yeah, interesting. Yeah, I thought it was like that. So she's got her own face on her car. Yeah interesting Yeah, I thought it was like that's probably better than what it what I thought it was. It's like a guy who Yeah, I wanted my car wrapped with every kid I want to fuck That's true, yeah, I just was her and McCauley Culkin I

Told him I just went to the LA Fitness out here and it was it was literally just old Jews like yelling at the weights They weren't even like working. Yeah, they're like that's pressing matzah Doing four sets of complaining. It's one of their thousands of holidays today. It's the Passover. It's like the big one Okay, it's a Passover. That's a few that's a few days, right? Couple I think it's like a week, right? Seven days? A Passover? I'm not sure how it works. That's the one with the,

you put the lamb's blood on your door, so like the death passes you over. Palestinian children blood and you put it on your door. I noticed this earlier, it is such a Jewish neighborhood. Your vape juice is kosher. Is it really? Yeah, a Jewish wizard was like, hey five, strawberry banana, good to go. Yeah I was a rabbi in a Von Dutch Yamaka, blessed it.

It is so funny the things that set you off because I saw this Instagram reel where this girl was like, happy Passover everybody, just remember to stay sane. I'm like shut the fuck up. What do you? Stay sane? Stay sane. Oh right.

I do the same thing out loud I'm on my phone and I see something I go shut the fuck. Yeah, I just scroll again. I go shut the fuck I'm like say free Palestine or don't make your shitty, you know, that's just me though. They're uh, they're doing crazy stuff right now They're just like walking in circles out in the street and then that's fine. Then they're doing like care I'm not against that. Yeah, karaoke does suck ass though Doing karaoke for Israel. They do like the they just they sing like the black Hawk down like soundtrack and stuff It's very strange. I'm not really sure yeah doing two noises Yeah, they they sing in what is it? They sing in Hebrew is that they sing?

They sing in what is it they sing in Hebrew is that they sing They just they just sing stuff. It just it's it's awful. It's really bad and they put it on all the speakers and it's very loud Okay They should throw like an R. Kelly song in there or something just mix it up. Yeah You got to remember that Israel also celebrates pedophilia as well. It's part of their heritage. Yeah, they run Nickelodeon from over there as well, it's part of their heritage. Yeah, they run Nickelodeon from over there. Well you know Mike about the extradition thing, right? That like, pedophiles move to, any Jewish pedophiles in America move to Israel because they won't get

extradited back to the US. Which is funny, because three years ago everyone's like, that's a racist conspiracy, that's not true. Now it's just, it's like the food pyramid, how we know it's like, bread's not good for you anymore. Yeah, you shouldn't be eating 12 servings of bread a day. You do think they'd wanna save some of the Palestinian children.

For their own liking. That's why they keep getting sniped. It's like a headshot to them, you know. Like a money shot. Yeah. Is this too rough and aggressive? Yeah. Are we too mean?

Jesus. Are we too mean? Jesus, I like it. Apparently people don't like us out here. We're like pariahs is what we've been told by many people. Oh, yeah. I guess we're too mean or something. I don't know. By who?

I don't know. Apparently comics like are some are uncomfortable around us because of the things we say on the show, which is like news to me. I thought we were. Yeah. Yeah. Mostly female comics. Mostly female comics. Yeah. Yeah. out in the show which is like it's news to me I thought we were yeah yeah mostly female comics yeah yeah yeah yeah but they're always complaining about something I know and they never shown up to their sets anyway yeah it's very funny

yeah the amount of shows I went to like five years ago where it's like oh yeah every female comic we booked canceled so and there's probably there's probably a reason it's probably the patriarchy's you know we don't want to judge them too too harshly Yeah, exactly Everyone's going through their own thing. They're all in their periods. You know you think that yeah kind of make it mm-hmm There's really only one gatekeeper now, and it's Drake. He's the new JFL Drake is yeah, if Drake likes your likes your Instagram reel of your standup, then you're just, you're a maid, you're a maid man. If he just wants to fuck you and hits like.

Who has he been liking lately? Lotta kids. No, there was like a comedian who went viral because Drake liked their standup clip, right? Yes, somebody I know, yeah. This lady with big big titties Okay, and then her yeah, she has now and now she's just like it's like online everywhere and people posting pictures of her And they're like she's funny, but they're just talking We're just talking about being neurodivergent with you know, h cups yeah

It's very bizarre. Yeah, and you're like those breasts aren't nor the virgin sweetheart You know yeah those breasts don't very bizarre. Yeah, and you're like those breasts aren't nor the virgin sweetheart You know, yeah those breasts don't have autism. Yeah You guys see Bernie Sanders being accused of rape Yeah, like a tuna sandwich or something in the 80s it was killer Mike is accusing him They were at that diner together and he was playing flitsy on his balls No, who's accusing him of rape just some fucking yapping? Yeah, but now it was a boy right a boy's a key. Are you serious? Yeah, I think so

Which is like there's there doesn't seem like there's anything gay about Bernie Yeah, yeah, no say what you want about him, but he seems very like even if he was He doesn't seem gay seems like a pedophile But even like if he was attracted to kids I couldn't see him like having sex That is funny. Yeah, he doesn't seem gay. He seems like a pedophile. Yeah. But even if he was attracted to kids, I couldn't see him having sex. I can't see him having sex with a grown woman. Yeah, no.

He just doesn't have that personality. I don't buy it. I can see him shouting into a boy's ass, but that's the closest thing. He does have hair like he just got done eating pussy, though. Like he just came up from eating pussy. That's what you look like. He lost, he went bald from rubbing his head against pussy against pubes you got cradle cap like a newborn baby

What's that? Oh, it's when the baby comes out of the pussy it like I don't know It's like it's like rug burn on their head. Oh, you know what I'm talking about create a cradle cap Not really. No, your newborns didn't have that. No, my wife's pussy is perfect Yeah, they told me Ben's wife's jagged pussy over here. Yeah, it's my throw a car wash. It makes a little in the shot, by the way I can't I think you might be yeah. Yeah, you're in the shot. Yeah, you're not allowed to lean back You can leave that you just I need to move forward a little bit first. Sorry. This room's very small Somehow we fit Sam Talon in here, but first sorry this room is very small somehow

We fit Sam Talon in here by the way. We don't even know how we did that yeah Fuckin Sam Sam felt like I I couldn't breathe in this room and Sam was in here no no I mean he's good He's good. Yeah We should get him on the phone You never call him up mm-hmm no means he was fine We took turns having sleep apnea at each other across the table Yeah, we sit Sam merch and he was like we sent him the biggest size our company would make okay And it still didn't fit and we're like you I'm sorry you we would have to like oh really

Well, that was no dude when we made I was making the merch and like we like, I'm sorry we would have to. Oh really? Yeah. Well that was, no dude, when we made, I was making the merch and like, we, like they give you the options, like, you can get it to double XL, if you go to like triple XL, it's like twice the cost. So I just, I made the call, I was like, hey guys, just FYI, it'll be double XL only.

I can fit into a large, so they fit large, and our fans like, we kinda had like a fat January 6 on our hands. Yeah. Like the fans kinda went crazy. You can fit into a large so they fit large and our fans like we kind of had like a fat January 6 on our hands Yeah, but the fans kind of like a large I was able to fit you look like a pop star from the Yeah, it was like Jojo Siwa it was a tank top Yeah, like it should be a tar it should just say like calm catcher on it and I should be a classy but I fit Yeah, like it should be a tire. It should just say like calm catcher on it and I should be a juicy but I fit Yeah But yeah, we were like I don't know how to get you something big enough man, I'm sorry Like there's no like I don't know a company that I'm a lemon party sleeve for his like leg

Yeah, and Alan Iverson sleeve for his leg. Yeah, that'll be our next merch drop is we're making Iverson jerseys We're gonna go real like wigger for the next merch drop do rag sleeves headbands Cuz I was telling shirts a few like a year ago and this guy wrote a 4xl and I was like, hey your shirts ready He just never responded. He died Yeah, like this guy died and I'm stuck with this shirt people people were emailing us because it was taking like it like it Maybe a month for shirts to get out, and they go, hey, I've been getting fatter, I don't fit in a one X anymore, I need a two X.

They just re-upped them, I'm sorry. So hard to be an entrepreneur. Yeah, the amount of emails were like, hey, my son ordered this, he killed himself, so you can just, don't have to refine it, you can just, don't send it out. We'll drape it over his casket like he died. Like a soldier? They fold it up in the little triangle. Don't have to refine it. You just don't send it. Yeah, we'll drape it over his casket like he died.

They fold it up in the little triangle. The 13 folds of glory. Exactly. Folding it up and then wiping this calm off his dick. Hey, you can keep the lemon party hoodie of my son self emulated and on the fucking on the front lawn of a Dairy Queen. Yeah, the Bert Kreischer show. They were all out of Reese's blizzards. He self-immolated. Bert tells them all to take out their lighters at the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He thinks it's a shotgun wrong. It's one of those shots you light on fire. Everyone pour your moonshine on your head. They're all blind. That would be great if a Bert shows that scene in Midsummer where they're all jumping rocks and like exploding and stuff Yeah, yeah To a Burke Chrysler show he comes out he's wearing a shirt. They're like, I know that's coming on

That's the encore your buddy leaning over to you like wait It's like Pink Floyd playing money You just wait. It's like Pink Floyd playing money. You're like, I know it's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is, I didn't think of it like, he can't not take the shirt off. You know what my favorite part of taking the shirt off is?

What? He takes off the shirt, he has to take off his bowler hat first, then take the shirt off, and then he has a whole system where then he puts the hat back on his head. I hate that he's done it so much, he's like Jim Abbott, Fielding a Grounder. Like he has a whole system where then he puts the hat back on his head. I hate that he's done it so much. He's like Jim Abbott, filled in a grounder like he has a whole routine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He's so slick with it, too. I know. You don't even know the hat was off for even a second. I know. Yeah, he's really good. He's like a magician. He's like Houdini. Yeah. He makes good comedy disappear. Jokes invisible. Now, you guys aren't worried about, like, pissing him off. I think we've kind of resigned ourselves. Pretty much over it. It seems everyone in the entire world dislikes him. Yeah. Now you guys aren't worried about like pissing him off In the entire world dislikes him yeah, but then again he does sell out like arenas Yeah, so maybe I'm I think also there's a thing like we were all except for Ben

We were all like fucking losers out here like yeah, I was selling alarms That was like working at an illegal weed store, so we're like like who gives a shit like we're making money Yeah, we're not really quite sure what we would do with that connection anyway. Yeah, and as soon as the Patreon goes down, I'll just kill myself. Yeah. Yeah, Jace, we have to call him,

the Patreon dips like one dollar. Like one guy can't. Oh, I start, yeah, I start tying a rope. Well, you can't do that because you're an uncle. And girls need their uncles. That's true. They got Devin. Devin can fill in.

Yeah, hang on. Yeah, yeah. They'll just be like, no, this is, he. Devin can fill in. Yeah. Hang out. Yeah, yeah. They'll just be like, no, this is, he'll replace me as the brother. Yeah. I feel like most of those people are such culture vulture,

like narcissists, that any attention they don't, they're just like, oh, man, I'm being talked about. I think Bert is loving getting dragged online every day. There's a little cottage industry, you think? He's getting friends. There's like a little cottage industry of people who hate Bert. Well, yeah.

All the podcast docs and all that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Imagine if you went on the YouTube one day and it's like there's. All the podcast docs and all that. Yeah, yeah. Imagine if you went on the YouTube one day and it said like, the downfall of Ben Avery and there was like a two hour 45 minute long video. A porcelain doc. That's like real secrets, real dirt. Dude, it would suck if you found out like Ken Burns

made a documentary about how much you suck at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You suck so bad. Ken Burns like put in like, you know, thousands of man hours into making something. Micros Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. four hours long. Yeah, we all called each other. We rented out an AMC to watch it in the theater. And sometimes you gotta make the funny choice. Like the other day, John Mulaney's ex-wife was on Instagram and she was like, I'm doing a book tour, what city do you want me to come to?

When they put like the little box. And I wanted to be like, I'm really sorry, your degenerate ex-husband can't stop sticking his dick in whores. And I hope you're doing well. You had to do it. Yeah. I didn't do it. Yeah. I didn't do it.

That's being nice though. I should have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you didn't mention her chopping her tits off. So that's kind of kind a little bit. She got breast cancer, right? She got breast cancer. It was actually.

Guys, there's a difference between chopping your tits off and getting breast cancer. I don't give a shit. A system is what it does, okay? we think people with breast cancer are just like trans Yeah, I'm like, you know trans people is wearing bandanas your mom has breast cancer. You're like, so what do they make you click into a penis? I can't believe you went to that side mom You're buying her like that. How big is your clip? No, she got it was actually kind of sick sick because his ex wrote a book for some reason.

Yeah. And she announced, oh, here's my autobiography. It's like a tell-all, it's coming out. And the day she announced it, Olivia Munn had had breast cancer for a year. And four hours after his ex-wife announced the book coming out, Olivia Munn announced that she had breast cancer and that she had her Titties cut off and she like posted a video of her crying with her mom after she got her titties cut off

So she's like one-upping. Yeah. Yeah, basically good. She's like bullying her Yeah, you're using like cancer to like get bully your husband's ex-wife. That's probably why you got cancer Yeah, do stuff like that because you're a bad person Yeah, John probably left her because he knew she was, she had, like that was coming. What do you mean? She's gonna get breast cancer. No, Olivia Munn has breast cancer.

Oh wow. Jesus, I didn't realize that. Well that's a damn shame. Yeah, it's really like when you try to go to a shorter grocery line and then the line is longer. You're like, why'd I even switch? Why'd I even? This is what I get for trying to control things. It's like going fishing, you just stay in the same spot

even if they're not biting. Exactly, yeah. Are your headphones cutting in and out? No, that's the- So Devon's stepping on your thing. Okay, okay. Those cut in and out, there's an extender on it. We have so many wires here and we have,

have you seen this, Mike? It's a blow job machine. This is our new sponsor, I'm not kidding. No, no, no, Jase. This is our only sponsor now Drops us Mike. Yeah, that's what we were saying. It's like oh big. Yeah I think you got to turn it upside down. Yeah, there you go Yeah, okay You do it like you gotta take the top off. I don't know you see the pussy lips. Mm-hmm. Yeah Okay It's very sterile. Yeah Yeah, I bet it doesn't I bet it doesn't ask you to vacuum

Then would use it yeah break his penis it's like colorblind glasses for virgin. I bet it doesn't ask you for a thousand dollars every two weeks Summer camp oh dude, I thought it looked like a pussy, but I'm just realizing it's lit Well look at those pussy lips I Don't like how it's presenting itself Well look at those pussy lips I don't like how it's presenting itself We got him as a sponsor and they're like we'll send you two free and I was I was like dude that that rules and Then it got here and I was like I kind of like though like it kind of feels gross and cold Mm-hmm. I'm not excited about using now. Yeah, no who sells more of these you guys are mark Merritt Yeah, what the fuck at autoblow job dude it feels good as hell yeah

Yeah, it's it's yeah that your fingers are just in Yeah, yeah, that's nice. Dude. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, auto blow calm code. No. I mean, yeah, I mean You know if you've got like nothing going on in your life, it's great. It's a great piece of machinery. It's a great. I think I kind of get it now. I didn't know they felt better than a mouth or a pussy. Yeah. Keep it then. That could be your new podcast.

Because you got to make business decisions. Sometimes he's like, I got to keep some of that. Patreon money. You got to fire your brother from the show. Replace me with that. With com leaking out of it. Replace him with AI. Yeah. Yeah. You just hear an AI my voice.

Yeah. Yeah. It's Hollywood. You got to make those tough calls. The downfall of Jace Avery. Yeah, the downfall. And they're like, Jace killed himself immediately. Recently, on the Lemon Party podcast, Jace was replaced by fake pussy lips. Yeah, Jace tried to start his own podcast, got five views, and then killed himself.

But things are working out because the blowjob machine says retard the same amount. People are really excited about it. You can just program it every 45 seconds to say a soft slur you probably can wigger retard Yeah, well, that's perfect actually because if the blowjob thing is saying a slur like you don't get canceled, you know, right? Right, you're gonna be mad at her. Yeah, that's fire that one and then get a new like you're like, sorry. She's Japanese It's basically how they are that's what a Craig Ferguson did with that didn't he have a skeleton on that was a robot yeah all the fucked up shit talking robot and that's how he

got away with everything right yeah kind of fun there's a sidekick yeah yeah Jimmy Kimmel just had a Mexican guy that he exploited for 20 years yeah they called retarded and pointed out yeah for 20 years he Yeah, they called retarded and pointed out. Yeah. For 20 years, he just called him like a beaner. Yeah. Chelsea Handler, too. It's like Chewie, take it away. Isn't he funny because he's fat and Mexican and a midget, right? Yeah. Where we joke was like about how he's like an immigrant, right? And I usually go back to I don't know.

I don't really know about that. Yeah, I'm British. But that's the gag, right? It's like looking at him. He's not. I think the gag is just that a guy that's like, Mr. Dwayne Wade, what do you think about this? It just sounds funny. And so they sent him to the NBA finals. Right, no, I mean, yeah.

It might as well be like they just put him in like a crusher machine and like kill him on air. And then it cuts back from like the Mexican guy interviewing like Steph Curry to Jimmy Kimmel. He's like crying about like, I don't know, something. That would be cool if when Trump throws Jimmy Kimmel in jail when he's president again, he's like, about like, I don't know, something. That would be cool if when Trump throws Jimmy Kimmel in jail when he's president again, he's like, and you are not nice to the Mexican people.

We are gonna deport him though. Throw him over the wall. That was the one thing I was like, the whole QAnon thing, I was like, I wish to God that if anything is real, it's that Trump's gonna round up celebrities and put them in jail. Yeah, I mean, well, he'll do he'll do that first. Like he'll start with like the movie, like the Alec Baldwin's first.

Yeah. And then maybe I don't know what to do after that. But we'll be like kind of far down on the on the list. Yeah. That it gets to us. Yeah, it will eventually. Yeah. Yeah. When he's kind of like run out of favor and he like needs to pump up the popularity Yeah, he goes to podcast. He gets everybody everybody that Shane Gillis says if he's done your podcast you start going to jail Exactly starts working his way down exactly. He probably loves people doing impressions of him though. I bet he does Trump

Yeah, he probably does. Yeah. Yeah, he seems like a cool guy. Guess so. Yeah, he could probably take a joke I think he's an amazing person. Like if you went up to him and you just called him a fat ass, you'd probably be like, that's pretty good. Don't know about that. That's pretty good. Yeah. You got me.

Probably not that. Don't think he loves that. Yeah, yeah. You don't think so? I don't think he likes any jokes at his expense. Oh. Well, I guess I have a completely wrong read on the guy. He seems like a guy you'd love to have a beer with. You know?

Yeah, I've heard that about a few politicians. Yeah, Hitler. Yeah, he did start in beer halls. And he didn't drink, which was weird. He invented drinking the beer out of the big boot. Yeah, that was him. That's what he drank the beer out of the big boot. That's why they elected him.

Wasn't he vegetarian too? He was a vegetarian. It's weird, because he started his revolt in beer halls they like to be vegetarian too. He was a vegetarian. It's weird, because he started his revolt in beer halls. He didn't drink and he was a vegetarian. And he got all these like masculine, you know, German guys who were like eating schnitzel to be like, yeah, we'll fucking, we'll kill all these Jews.

I'd love to share some cauliflower wings with Hitler. I know, it was like Seth Simons like, starting like a MAGA revolution or something. Like it doesn't really fit, you know? From what I understand too, it's like, he basically went to like a national socialist convention. He was in the back and he was sent there as a spy or something, he was intelligence.

Hitler? Yeah, Hitler was. And then he goes up and he goes, no, you guys are doing it all wrong. He's like, here's how you do it. Which is kind of like, it's what Larry David, that's how Larry David got into comedy. He went to the improv, he's like, these guys all suck. into comedy he went to the improv he's like these guys all suck and Larry

David went to the managers like I should be up there and was like storming the stage nice very very similar very impressive people very charismatic both Jewish is that true that would be that's the documentary I want to see though that they go hit there was actually no a Jewish guy it is for every every year they come out with a new fact about how he like sucked and had a tiny dick though Hitler We get it He was bad. Yeah, they literally like did a thing where he had that disease where you have like two dick holes

Yeah, like one one dick hole on the underside of his penis And he had a micro penis and like his balls didn't descend and it was like alright like it's yeah Mm-hmm, it's fine. You know it is fine to be like we need more ammo on this. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's like almost being unfair It's like hey come on. It's like taking cheap shots at Hitler there, but the grace of God go on yeah You know yeah, but I mean it would be funny if they were just like we know we like studied Hitler's like body And he actually like a massive hog like a huge dick. Mm-hmm, but that means he's right all of a sudden No, that would be upsetting if he if he had a really big day. Yeah Yeah, yeah

I wish they could like they're like studies show like we looked at his DNA under this new like whatever thing from DARPA We found out Hitler never once had a gay dream Only straight dreams. You can see all of his dreams here. You see this gene right here, it proves that he had really hard erections and his dick curved up, which is good according to women. He never had a dream about his best friend

sucking his dick. To show how close he was in terms of his masculinity. That's how close to God he was. Yes, he was so close to him Yeah, they really pile on that guy though. They do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Matt smoker as well. They point that out, you know It's like yeah, we you know sure sure I think the last one about FDR. He was a cripple He was you know, like how retarded people were in the 40s? FDR, I learned this recently, he fooled people by, he had braces on his legs underneath his pants,

and he would put his arms around two Secret Service guys, and they would walk to the podium while he would shuffle back and forth with his little Lego legs. And people were like, no, he can totally walk. FDR, he was like three kids in a trench coat. He's like a little rascals character. He's like, these are my lovers.

And people in the 30s are like, well, that's a fine walking boy that is right there. It's kinda how they did Leah Romina in Kings of Queens, where she was pregnant that whole show and you never knew it. Oh, really? Yeah, they always would have, Kevin James would be lifting a beer

and it's covering her stomach in a shot or something. People just called it the fat years That's why her tits look so fat in the show by the way, yeah, they look fucking and they're like three and it was an alien Baby, they're a little smaller She was fucking she was juicing though on that show cuz being if you're pregnant woman what steroids no no no Yeah, yeah, you're shooting up steroids Oh, no if you're pregnant one Kevin James one saying like I've I worked on that Scientology show I was a PA bitch, and I would get her coffee

Yeah, her tits aren't as big as they are in Kings of Queens. What a fucking whore. That's one. That's what I said to her face I said I went I know I'm probably gonna get fired if you're even asking you this She's juicing her tits aren't actually that big as you know when a woman gets pregnant her tits balloon up Yeah, and they're they're much bigger sure yeah, but then they get smaller eventually right not on my watch Not if I just keep her pregnant you're getting that oil Indian people inject into their arms to be buff Dude, I went to an Indian restaurant yesterday, by the way, okay, which I know a big surprise. Yeah. I love garlic naan and The that's what you call the people

Yeah, I I saw Biggie food. Yeah He's literally like that that running tweet lately where it's like I ordered a butter chicken garlic a big Indian food guy? Yeah. He's literally like that running tweet lately where it's like, I ordered a butter chicken garlic not in a mango lassi and then they laugh at me but it's what I want. He literally gets that same thing. I love butter chicken.

It kicks so much ass. But I met my waiter- Yeah, I think, but it's kind of an acquired taste, right? Indian food? Yeah, because I haven't eaten a ton of Indian food. I know it's good I know people like it but I feel like I haven't it hasn't like clicked for me yet. Do you like curry? I don't know. It's pretty good it's really gluttonous and like fatty you know just full of

carbs and shit it's pretty easy to get into. I think you could get into it if I think Thai food you gotta get into Thai food then you can get into Indian food. Okay. I like Thai food No, whether you good you like a yellow curry or a musselman curry or I guess yeah, it is a little strong for me Strong what do you mean? It's like it's like seasoned a lot. Yeah, but so is like Italian like like sauces and shit Yeah, not as many spices.. Italians don't stink. I had, no but I had like. Actually we do. You're saying, well sure but that's natural, that's just from all the brick laying and shit all day.

Being lazy and hygiene purpose. You're saying Italian people don't smell like their food. Yes, they don't, yeah. Indian people do smell like good. You're not like, oh god, eggplant parm again Vinny? Jesus Christ. He can't sell his house because it smells like chicken cutlet

It's like being a smoker. Yeah, it's in the walls now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But my my waiter at the Indian restaurant was a like traditionally we all know like Indian guys like don't get pussy like that's their Whole thing. Mm-hmm, but they sure do try Take it they're like let me in coach. get pussy. Sometimes they take it. They're like, let me in coach. Yeah, sometimes they will that ball into the hole. I guess Ben's never been on a bus. I'm showing my privilege right now.

You've never been on a bus with 15 of your brothers. And one girl walks on. Yeah, human fly trap. Have you seen those videos of like the white girl on the beach in India? a bus with 15 year brothers and one girl walks on. Yeah, human fly trap. Have you seen those videos of like the white girl on the beach in India? She's a vacationing. Yeah, was she OK? No, no, no. It literally turns into like World War Z.

Like she's running away from the town. Yeah. But then who posted the video? They did. I think she was like her last like it was like the Blair which project really like uploaded. Yeah, it was the Poughkeepsie tapes Yeah, they found the tape all bloody covered in pussy juice It kind of reminded me of Jurassic Park a little bit. Yeah, they took her finally like DC's my first tick-tock Yeah, the sergeant Indian Joker tick-tocks. Yeah. Yeah But my my weight I felt so bad for my weighter

because I didn't realize that there's like levels to this shit. I guess that is the racist part of me a little bit where I'm like Indian guys don't get pussy, but there's actually, there's incels in the Indian community. My weighter was an Indian incel, like 30 year old guy, bifocals, like really skinny and very shy and like very nervous,

like shaking, like not looking my wife in the eye and stuff. I'm like, oh man, you're known amongst all of your friends that don't get pussy that you get the least amount of not getting pussy. Like he's so shy, he doesn't even comment on the videos. He's like he can't look the woman in the eye when he's watching porn. He's in himself for sexual harassment.

He can't even harass a woman. He's like, show me your, what am I doing? I'm so sorry. I shouldn't do this. You are a nice lady, I'm so sorry. I got canceled on babe.net five, six years ago. I'm sorry. Really ended my career.

I don't know how to talk to girls. Yeah, walk up to a woman and be like, would you mind if I harass you real quick? Can I stick my fingers down your throat and then get you an uber and then be canceled? He's just he can't even click on the videos he keeps missing mm-hmm. That's how bad he is a game He just click he's clicking in the blank space. Yeah, he actually just clicks the ads next to the videos Yeah, he's that's how he works his way up as he sexually harasses ads ads next to the videos. Yeah, he's that's how he works his way up is he sexually harasses ads.

He gets that he gets that a girlfriend app so he can harass her as practice. Have you done those? No, no, no, dude. I did want to get you go first. I did one of them. It's fucked up. I was just going to say, I have a friend who I never told my wife I did it. Did you got a fake pussy up here? You're talking to AI girlfriends? She doesn't have time to listen to the show anymore because of the baby.

It's great. You're cheating with data over here. You're cheating with Wi-Fi. I can start nine more podcasts now. It's great. She can't listen now. That's true. She goes to the comments section to see if anything's going on, and she's like, okay,

people are still enjoying the show. We don't have to move to Alaska or something. Yeah, she's always prepping for the day. The fucking floor falls out. Wait, so you downloaded one of the no I just I a friend of mine. They figured out the family caught their youngest like sibling He had downloaded an AI app and was like glittery like texting it like, you know Like what are your boobs like and the robots like they're cool He was like nice and he was like jacking off to them. They caught him It was it was shocking that I didn't realize that was actually happening. Yeah. Yeah that like 12 year olds are our sexting

I mean a response is really all you need. Yeah when you're really new to it, you know I used to text hookers just for the back and forth When I was like on tinder on Tinder, I couldn't get anything. I used to just text hookers and be like, hey, and then be like, hey, baby. And then you go, how much? And then they send you back and you go, well, that's enough for me.

And they responded, somebody responded to me tonight. You're like, I came, so I'm blocking you now. I'm done, blocked. Or disgusting what you do. Maybe someday when I have a podcast. I'm done blocked or disgusting what you do Yeah No jacking off to the idea of you're gonna fuck somebody I've actually done that before where somebody's like hit me up like do you want to come over? I'm like, yeah

I'll be there in 30 and then I it makes me horny a jack off and then I cancel I'm like, I'm not gonna block a buggo block. I did the app just to see if I waiting with like three guys with bats Gonna kill me like casino with my dick out I did one of those robots to see if I could get it to but do anything Okay, I'm like so these things are clearly like they advertise them like, you know, you can talk to a friend But it's like guys aren't like, you know, how was your day? It's none of that.

Did you see the game? Yeah. It's none of that. It's like I tried to, I got it to, I'm like oh yeah, and then you pull your, I go, I just started like, kinda asking you basic questions, and I'm like, then you pull your bra off.

And it like responds like yeah, I'm taking my bra off, I like that. Immediately consenting to whatever I wanted. So it's been trained to wanna fuck me. And I was like, yeah, and then you lay down on the floor. And she's like, yeah, and I lay down on the floor. And I'm like, and then I pull my pants down and I take a shit on your chest.

She's like, yeah, you shit all over my chest. And so I get in to do. I know it's funny. There's actually a very poor Indian woman in a call center somewhere texting with you and just be like, this guy's a freak. Because they did with the Amazon store. They were like, it's not. It's just Indian people watching. They literally Amazon. Oh, is it? Yeah. Under every Amazon first store, there's like Indians with like circuit wires.

They're just like plugging into shit. But they said it was a oh you told me that yeah, they said it was smart Technology no, it is yeah. Yeah, it actually is mm-hmm Yeah, but it was like an Indian guy making two pennies a day to like be like okay You know broccoli cheddar, you know and then ring you up on your Amazon because I don't know what those things are No, I don't know I've never had that same guy goes and buys it from the store for you brings it on Instacart And then he's like I wondered what plus she takes home Oh, she's by the loop so hot It would be funny if you had so little game that the little robot wouldn't fuck you though

Yeah, it just deletes itself. It uninstalls itself off your phone. Yeah, it kills, it swipes its own identity. The Christian in me really felt like I was kind of cheating on my wife, and that's why I never told her, because it felt, like, and obviously I wasn't doing it to get off, but part of it felt real.

I kind of felt excited a little bit, even though I'm not into taking shits on women and like peeing in their mouth. But just something different, yeah. I was saying like, I'm putting the turd in your mouth, I'm closing your mouth, I'm punching you in the teeth. Well, the Indian people you're talking to call that dinner.

They go, yes, I'm so hungry. Oh my God, are you talking about a full meal? You're so generous, thank you, the full turd. Oh my God, hadn't peed. So generous, thank you. The full turn. Oh my God. Hand pee. Jesus.

Yeah. Mike, Mike, Mike slowly is escaping out the window. Mike's, Mike's tying bed sheets together to get out the window. I'm already here. Let's do a Patreon. Let's do three episodes. Man. That's not cheating though, if it's a robot. I don't think. Let's do three episodes. That's not cheating, though, if it's a robot. I don't think I think that maybe it's a weird Christian thing,

because I also like I would I wouldn't be able to do that. I would feel very weird. I would feel like I was cheating. Yeah. But that might be a weird Christian morality. I don't know. A lot of guys don't think flirting with other women is cheating. And I consider that cheating. And I take it to the extreme where I'm like,

if you're flirting with a robot even, you're cheating. I think. It's emotional cheating. I think it counts, right? I guess. I don't mean, no, not really. You should do it right now, who cares? Yeah, I don't know.

Unless you stick your dick in somebody. I don't know about that, but just like sexting feels like cheating. But some guys say getting blown isn't cheating like it's only cheating if you fuck them I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, the minicans have a weird Guys are like retarded. Yeah. Yeah, because then they take it to a level. Yeah about 145th Street. The rules are different It's like people going like whatever I want to do is fine as long as I'm doing it. Well, people say like soaking is like not even fucking really. Yeah. But imagine you're already cheating and you're and you're soaking instead of fucking.

Well, what you do, I think what you do is like, don't you soak with a woman? I think my wife would rather I fuck someone than soaked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is. I guess you're kind of right. Because you'd have to be like, oh, he's like a creep. He's like a serial killer. Yeah. One of my best buddies is in a tantric sex. You know that is kind of sorry You get really close. Yeah, well beads and crystals and you basically just like edge for like hours. It's a Like with a lady right yeah with your wife or your partner or whatever

It's where they make like your calf muscle like come or it's yeah You get so sensitive because you're inside your In my case my wife you can do while you're working at a call center You just have to stay as still as possible and I guess after hours you become so sensitive to everything that if like even the slightest like a draft like comes through the room and like to everything that if like even the slightest like a draft like comes to the room and like You know rattles the door in the jam or something then it's like You both just like come just for like hours and hours because it's a post. It's like a big buildup. It's like right I don't know. It's supposedly it's it's awesome. It's like a volcanic

That's what I'm saying is like a godfather trilogy. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm more like let's see you let's see how fast we can come like let's just get this I like it's chess. Yeah, right on And I came yeah, I haven't even touched her yet. Yeah, yeah, I go you lose you're on your way home damn I'm so good at sex Came in like eight seconds a dumb bitch didn't even get wet I know buddies that like don't care if the woman comes at all because I don't it doesn't mean anything right they go It's not me

Sometimes they don't care sometimes they go. All right, don't touch me. Yeah, you know, we're sometimes the man or the woman the my wife Yeah, cuz there are like a lot of times like a girlfriend our wife will be like I just I know I need to get cum out of him so he doesn't like, you know, throw me in the kitchen or something. Yeah. But we're trying to get pregnant again, so I feel like it's bad luck to not,

for her to not have an orgasm. Yeah, that's probably true. I know. So if I bust, I'm like, all right, let me get down there and lick my own cum for a couple minutes so you can have an orgasm. Yeah, you're taking your own children out of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the kid will know, I just feel like it sucked the night I was conceived, I don't know. That's why I have asthma. Yeah, he's got dry skin because she wasn't wet. Dad, I just got from the basketball team, did mom cum when you fucked her to make me? Your mom has never come. That's why you all suck. That's why I told you.

I told you. What if that was in cells? Just their dads were bad at fucking when they were born. Yeah, it's certainly possible. It could be whatever I did this time with my I have like a perfect kid. So I don't know what I did. Yeah, I don't know what I did. I'm trying know what I did, but I'm trying to do it again.

Did she come that time? Probably, it was during COVID. Oh, then yeah, definitely. See, I love my kid too so much, and I'm like, the date she was born was perfect, and the time, and I'm like, damn, do I need to do that again? Her birthday's December 21st. She was born at 3.07 a.m. and seven times three is 21,

which is the 21st, and then, it's also born on the solstice, so it's like the end of days growing dark. Love for your child will turn you into the zodiac. Yeah, I saw that Jim Carrey movie, it was like 23 plus one equals 24 minus 11. He's nine 11. He's painting numbers in her nursery.

I love my daughter so much I have schizophrenia now. You start becoming religious about it. Dad, why are you painting brown numbers on the wall? Because I love you. Where I'm like, I'm like, maybe I'm gonna get my wife pregnant again in the same month. Uh-huh, could be, yeah. Mom did that when we were all born in the summer.

She clearly had a religious sort of, I wait until this month and I get pregnant. Yeah. Which congrats to mom that she was able to like that. I think it's just, that's natural. You just, you come in the winter, you're inside. Yeah, I think it's more of that. Yeah. Like there was like a rainy day, cold, rainy day. A drizzly November in her soul. Yeah, exactly.

And then she got in. Yeah, no, I think it's literally like, it's a very cold day, kind of depressing and gray. And then you're like, well, another kid will fix this. And then it does. Hey, you're not fucking in the spring where there's new Pokemon See I got my wife pregnant in March that means Like I think I got her pregnant by the way on like the Ides of March I kind of remember I think as a guy you intuitively know which come did it uh-huh cuz you can kind of feel it It's kind of like being a sniper.

Snipers don't actually have confirmed kills usually, by the way. It's kind of like you're roughly guessing how many kills you have. But I don't know, you know if you've taken someone's life before, it's the same. You know if you've, that was a head shot. You're like, two of those hits were goats. But one was a Palestinian grandmother.

Yeah. If you're Chris Kyle, you think you have like 250 babies. Yeah. Is there something that kind of makes when you're trying to have a kid, does it make it weirdly mechanical, or is it still fine? I guess a little bit.

I have a friend that got sick of fucking his wife, because it was like three years of them trying to get pregnant, it's like fuck, because it's clockwork.. Well, they act very entitled to your erection and your sperm Yeah, they really do. Yeah, this isn't the Westminster dog show You know are there like crazy methods for people that can't get their wife pregnant where like after they have the sex they like Okay, honey, like put your legs over your head and like like to come Hold your knees to your chest, right? That's just a big Lebowski I don't know if that's really that's what I've been doing. So hmm. Yeah

Yeah, you also don't like fly on a magic carpet like across like bowling alleys like through the city. I do But yeah, do you see you have to like time out like your jackoff schedule around your like ovulation schedule, right? I know it's gonna stop me from jacking up boys You know You're so I'm 36 years old. I Guess technically if you like don't stop smoking cigarettes and you just jack off all the time. You'll never get your wife pregnant Oh, yeah, well, you're the smoking lowers your sperm count. Okay, and then checking off How is your sperm count?

But if you jack off a lot is it kind kind of like the gym? Like you get better making good cum? I listened to a Huber Moon episode about this. Well he will definitely now. Yeah. He's got like six abortions this year. I actually have no idea what makes you, cause maybe if you use it a lot, then you generate way more cum.

I know like your testosterone going up makes you more fertile. Like working out and shit. I gotta stop taking TongCat. I gotta stop podcasting. Yeah Dude, do you take Tom cat? No, what's that? One of your sponsors? Yeah Okay, Tom cat Tom got Ali or Tom got yeah Tom got This Amazonian rainforest vine or something like that. It's supposed to raise your testosterone

But I don't really know if it technically does that you got to do it for like two weeks And then you're just like you'll mm-hmm. I mean you wanna mm-hmm. Just you'll do anything It turns you in and you got to start Yeah, turns your baby in a mogul It's like fucking it's like the fly except you you turn into an Indian guy. Well you'd think Just don't jack off a lot before you have sex and then the cum shoots deeper into the pussy and there's a higher chance

of getting pregnant or something. I don't have it if it works. I don't really know. My assumption is you wanna cover the pussy and cum. Right. You know, surface area. You wanna lather it up really, really thorough. I've done that before, trying to not jack off

for like six days and then get an exceptional one. That's that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, that does really those are good It really does feel like you're punishing your partner a little bit. Yeah, just like Take all of it. I'm actually surprised you can go six days without jacking off, and I'm wondering right now if you're lying I I know I don't know I have done six days exactly six days So you but that's how much you jack off is you're like, I know I the last time I jacked Here's what I do. So meet me and my girlfriend were long distance right now When I go to visit her I take six days when I'm not when before the six days I'm jacking off eight times a day

I'm getting it out of my system and then I need those six days to kind of like get to that bill like yeah Yeah playing shape. Yeah, exactly. It's like God creating the universe. Yeah, exactly. I need six days to like have come in my balls. How do you stop coming for six days? I just start smoking and shooting heroin.

You go down to the pool hall. Yeah, yeah. You're taking Vicodin. Yeah, I drive past whores and I throw rocks at them. All my wicked vices accentuate except jacking off. You can't sleep, it's like apocalypse now. No, yeah, I'm putting cigarettes out of my forearm. My girlfriend's like, please stop.

I'm like, no! I need to have calm. No, yeah, did you jack off once, you turn into like Fred Rogers. No, no, literally what always happens is I come, I see her, I come, and then it almost hurts my dick. It feels is I come I see her I come and then it's like it almost like hurts My dick like it it feels like I come my penis everything. Yeah out of my dick That's a thing that they don't tell you like in like sex ed is if you wait a long time to come

Then you come and it feels like nothing happened really. Yes. Yeah, you get you get a you yeah, you got a fan technically It's a fan. I'm like good. It's a phantom come, yeah. I think, that's how I kinda feel about it. I've had that before. Because it's rusty down there. Because you gotta get a little of it out first, and then the second one, it's like perfect. I feel like I'm the opposite.

The first one back, it feels like I threw up or something. You know? I'm just like, I'm empty now. You know? Sometimes I come and I'm like, I wasn't supposed to, I wasn't built to do this. What do you mean? Sometimes you come and you go,

oh, I'm fucking nauseous now, and my dick hurts, and I'm like, fuck this. I don't know? Sometimes you come and you go, oh I'm fucking nauseous now and my dick hurts. I'm like fuck this. I don't know what's going on with you. Yeah. Nauseous. You guys never feel that way? No. You never come and you feel like you got food poisoning? We'll take a COVID test right after this.

You never felt that way where you come and you're like I'm sick now, I have the flu? No, sometimes you'll feel like a weird dick feeling for a second or something. Yeah. I think we get the, I think we genetically both get this. It's like called, I think like retrograde ejaculation where it's sometimes a little bit of your calm goes into your bladder and then it hurts and then you got to like piss

it out later and then it like hurts your dick hole. I'll be up till 4 a.m. sitting on the toilet pissing because my dick hurts. That's what it would happen. It's like, it's like once every 50th come my dick is fine and then I piss and then it's immediately starts hurting and I have to keep pissing Oh, you gotta pee after or else it like hardens around the tip and then it like you'd go take a piss and it's like Somebody putting their thumb over a hose and it goes everywhere Interesting any trader Joe's around here What's your favorite trader Joe's

What's your favorite trade of Joe's cookies? This is so stupid. We're like in a sidebar like Jeff talking about cum. I had some important things to say. Ah fuck. I was going to say something I forget. Something about I'm gay. Yeah. Me too. I'm actually a gay guy and I never had sex with my wife.

And that's not my child. Yeah Yeah, but you're raising it. That's right takes more than come to the dad. That's what gets me off Sometimes it takes a closet gay guy That's you're the type of cut guy where it's just raising somebody else's kid. Yeah. Yeah. I'm that's how I like to get cuck-holed It I'll send your kid to college. Yeah. I'll raise your child for 20 years, take her to get her driver's license, go to the DMV. She's at your deathbed. She picks out your tombstone.

But it's like right at your deathbed, she's like, you're not my real dad, I hate you. And you're like, oh, I'm coming. I'm coming so hard. You have a new flat line. That's what I get. The end is I come. You're hitting up future to fuck your wife.

Dude, I just realized probably a lot of people, like EMTs go over to guys' houses because there's a weird smell. I don't know why I said smell like that. Smell. ALE. But there's like a weird smell and then they go over to a guy's apartment

and there's just, they go and there's like a fat guy in front of like a desk and there's just porn still blaring. Oh yeah. He's been dead for like four days. He totally jacked off and had a heart attack. There's guys where they've burst in, they found a skeleton with that wrapped around. The last bit of a.

Like an anaconda. It's attached because it's the only thing the cat hasn't eaten off his fat body. Is his dick that was trapped in the flesh like. He's got stuck in it. Yeah and his cat was just like, well I'm hungry so I'll just eat his fat ass over like a year. Is his dick that was trapped in the flashlight? He's got stuck in it. Yeah, and his cat was just like, well, I'm hungry, so I'll just eat his fat ass over a year.

I had this fucking fear. I read this guy's Twitter thing. He was this veteran who would post poetry, and he was a really sad guy who couldn't really walk. He was a big fat guy. He was a poet or whatever. He's still alive. But he said his lover of like 13 years,

who was like the best woman he ever met that like moved in with him and stuff, he wrote all these poems about her dying. And he had this long thread once about how she died and said that she was on the toilet like just peeing. And then she was like Ernie Ernie something She goes I don't I don't feel good like my head hurts and then like She got up off the toilet and like came in and like her eye was like filling with blood or something

And then she like the room was all spinning and then she just like collapsed and she had like an embolism like it's a brain Yeah, there isn't yeah And you like watched her die and she was like looking up into the like the fluorescent light like I was like fuck I'm like at any moment. You're like your brain can just like Fucking explode like that. I think about all the time when I'm on the toilet now Is this because you feel like a little thing and you go did something just? Did something just snap it's a little firecracker go off. Yeah, it's just all system shutting down for no reason at all Well, I mean I like her when it's time to go

She's gonna walk in front of him. Yeah. Yeah, I think I do that I laid I know I know girl that I don't know girl I know a guy who knew a girl who laid she tried to kill herself she laid down on the freeway Mm-hmm, and she got hit like a bunch of times and she lived okay I'm like everyone went to see her and it was like apparently like really awkward Oh, yeah, well she like because she was really fucked up. Yeah, just like well. No she like lived and was she like She's like Don't lay down on the highway

Don't drink and plank on the highway if you're gonna do it really do it for real She was like fine. And then everyone went to visit her in the hospital. She's like, that was I don't know what I was thinking. I totally know. That was crazy. You're so smart trying to lay down on the highway. Could you ever have people like that at your school?

Yes. Yes. Yeah. All the time. People from like prison, drunk drivers, drunk drivers. Yeah. I was I was telling Devon, like sucks to be you. What do you? I'm 13 On his other pockets we used to they showed us a video all the time where it was like this It was a video of like this really like hot chick and they like she was so hot everybody Wanted to fuck her and then it snapped to you

She was in a drunk driving accident burned up up, and she had milky white eyes and melted cheese face, and she was just like, I wanna kill myself every day. And people still wanna fuck me. Somehow. Yeah, I still gotta go on. David Cronenberg fans want to fuck me. But that happens all the time, is guys will try to shoot themselves,

and they won't, they'll angle the gun too much, and'll just like bounce off like their skull and like make them retarded Yeah, so they're just like trapped in their retarded. Well, there's the gas blowback So the the gas expanding like if you put it in your mouth like the gun will basically like slip like that I just blow your face off Yeah, or just there's it's pretty common for a bullet to just pass through someone's brain and not kill them Yeah, the headshot isn't really the what you want to do You want to shoot someone in the heart because then nothing can kill you Yeah, there's a lot of people out there when I hear them speak. Oh, you probably got a couple bullets lodged in there

You know, there's always like a story on Twitter like creepy dot org or whatever It's like this guy had headaches for 40 years and they find like two bullets in his head Or whatever it's like this guy had headaches for 40 years and they find like two bullets in his head There's the one that that always reminds me there was one where it was like a guy Was like a normal guy until he was like 40 and he suddenly like wanted to like He had this insatiable urge to fuck kids out of nowhere. I swear to God. It's a real thing Insatiable urge he went to the doctor good on him for being like I have to like tell my doctor I want to fuck kids Like what's going on? They'll say you're a politician. It makes sense. Yeah. His doctor's like, I'm going to put you on Adderall. Doctor's like, so

you're really cool. Yeah. I recommend you preemptively move to Israel. Yeah. He gives him a brochure, a travel brochure. He writes them. Yeah. He writes them. They have something out there called the raping wall. Hmm, do you like hummus? Write some of traditional Israeli food. Prescription for one free Palestinian home.

But no, so they did a cat skin on him. He had grown a tumor, and apparently this is a part of your brain that makes you a pedophile, and he grew a tumor in that part of his brain. Interesting. They took it out, he didn't wanna fuck kids, or at least he claimed. and then like eight years later he started wanting to fuck kids he fucked him but that kid had a tumor that made

him want to fuck yeah yeah but he figured out he the tumor grown back because he wanted to fuck kids again and this time he's like leave it in a convenient excuse yeah you know I think I think that's the God Just allowing the devil to test Someone yeah, you know I think he's just allowing you know God sometimes God goes on that step back here and just allow a guy to get a tumor in his brain that makes him want To murder suicide his family though. That would be great like the story of Joe take the show. What would you do God is playing? Yeah, we presented this boy's asshole in front of you

and you did nothing. I'm gonna give this guy the tumor that makes you wanna fuck kids. It'll take place at a diner in Jersey. That's a diner, yeah, exactly. And it's a kid just being like, well, I wish somebody would fuck this shit out of me. I'm Frankie Chionis, why'd you rape that kid to death?

Yeah, just the guy in the line being death? I'm gonna rape this kid. Everyone's just looking the other way. I'm so bored. Let's give someone the tumor that makes you want to fuck kids. Well, I was gonna say it's almost like the story of Joe, where he's like, God tell Satan, like, oh, Joe's my most loyal servant. You can test him with anything and he won't curse my name. And what if like the devil's just like I'm gonna make him like really really want to fuck That's where the angels show up and he's like you can fuck my daughters. No, that's um Sodom and Gomorrah

Okay, yeah, that's a lot and his wife. No you have to they left Sodom and Gomorrah though. Yeah, and they're okay Before the angel like a bottom bad or something and they like yeah, yeah still team six comes in and They go to fucking been a lot inside out Never when they're in something anymore It was a sinful place and the the two angels visited a lot and then all the people were like Oh, those guys are really hot and shiny The town was so evil the whole time like there was a mob being like let us fuck That's the angel

And yeah lock came to the door and he goes do not he's like you look like Austin Butler And while I went to the door and he's like no don't he's like, please don't fuck these angels rape my daughters rape my three daughters and the crowds like fuck that Give us that sweet If I want to rape a daughter I go to my house, all right And what were the angels doing can't they like fly away? Like why were they just the angels were presenting their ass to the crowd? Yeah, they're trying to tempt them Okay, the seraphim right the seraphim are the big like 12 foot tall angels the game almighty yeah all right

the John Waters angels yeah and then when they were leaving we never fucked anything that told before when they were leaving something trophy animal in buck hunter it's worth 5,000 points, yeah you think of some of these Bible stories You're like what the hell were they even trying to teach me? Yeah, you know you just have to go Well, you guys probably went to Sunday school or yeah, we were big Chris three times a week church of Christ Yeah, very conservative sect of Where people like Jesus you guys are conservative and we like want to kill gay people You guys are so far to the right. It's unbelievable. Yeah, we were like no dancing. No instruments. No nothing Oh, wow, I would say I would go to prom. I know woman sexual

What dancing? Yeah, yeah, like I would go to a prom and like a girl would be like, hey, do you want to dance? I'd be like I can't I'm Church of Christ. Yeah, you'd be like you're gay No I literally I asked my dad to go to a dance and he handed me a pamphlet on how dancing will Make you have sex and she'll somehow make you gay It will actually make you gay having sex with a woman damn imagine a Christian dad in like 2001 and like, you know You got like Missy Elliott. Yeah Jessica Simpson videos, you know

Yeah, I still remember a sermon I was like 13 and it was like this old ass like the crepit 90 year old preacher and he goes he's like I heard a song on the radio the other day Mr.. Justin Timberlake said I'm gonna have everybody naked by the end of this song That is just everybody one girl And he goes and that's why the Jews are trying to kill us. He said that. I do remember we had I don't know if you remember this.

We would have guest preachers come. Yeah. And it was like all white church, of course. And we had a we had a there were a few black people, but they were very, they were from Africa. They were literally brought from Africa. And they'd be like, I was that's so funny. Somebody priests are imported from Africa. No, literally brought from Africa. They'd be like, I was. That's so funny. So many priests are imported from Africa. It's like their number one reason.

It would be like the whitest church and then like one like dark guy who's like, they raped my village student, so I'm here. But they had a black preacher come in, like a Southern Baptist black preacher give a guest sermon and everybody was like loving him because he's like really like, you know, whooping it up. And then he made a joke and he goes, not like those Catholics,

those Catholics be raping those little boys. And like he started bombing immediately. Oh, my God. I'm the rest of his. I was probably his a. Yeah. It's like, I'm afraid of you, motherfucker. DJ, did you hit it? And then they just go like, you're my god.

Shaggy,uggie what what? My friends that he still looks at the Westboro Baptist Church is like Instagram pay their social media and they had one thing it said like it said fag enabler in hell and it was a picture of Doris Roberts. I Think we had a I think we had a lady I know a guy obviously there's no lady preachers a guy that said something Pokemon's evil or something or like Pokemon or like yeah and stuff Pokemon Your phones over there. Okay for Mike. I want to find this meme. Yeah Yeah, Pokemon was satanic Harry Potter was satanic yeah Yeah, I mean while they're like fucking all the good girls there, then why don't you give me some good entertainment? Yeah, it's not bullshit ass like veggie tales. You know yeah

That's true. I did like veggie tales back to I thought it was good. Yeah, okay. I thought was really did you grow up Catholic? Catholic yeah, yeah, so you didn't get veggie tales no Catholics don't get but do you guys have a version of veggie tales? Mmm. I don't think so. It's the departed. Yeah. That's their. It's just Frankie Valley. Yeah. Mystic River. Yeah.

Your parents take you to see Pat Cooper. I graduated, I got kidnapped and raped in Boston. There's a fun difference between our church and Catholicism. Catholics really like suffering, right? They're like suffering is good. I think so, yeah. And like us, evangelicals, they don't like suffering, right? Like they're like suffering is good. I think so, yeah. And like us, like evangelicals, they don't like suffering,

but they think pleasure is bad. So it's like Catholic. It's puritanical. Yeah, Catholics are like, I can suffer, but then I'll go like fucking Jack off in a porno theater. I'll feel bad about it. I suffer. That's good. Right. It's people that think like eating candy is like sinful.

What is it? Fag enabler now. God, that rules. That's good. Right. It's people that think like eating candy is like sinful. What is it? Fag enabler now. God, that rules. That's awesome. Wait. Did they think Ray Romano was gay? Yeah, he was a mom with boys. Yeah, I don't know.

He was a fag enabler. Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Gaven, Gaven, Gaven. Everybody loves Sinning. She should have treated Robert better. Yeah, everybody loves Gaven. Um. No, they're great. Raymond, what if you broke up with everybody and had sex with men?

I don't know. My brother's gay. I love Westboro Baptist Church. I watched that, you watched that Luther Road documentary on them? No. It's really good because you know that British dude, he's like this skinny little British guy and he'll just go like to Miami Super Prison and he'll just be like well Well, why are you in here? And it's like a black guy being like well? I've shot it

You know a baby to death and he's like well that that seems by the trite and he visited Westboro Baptist Church And like just you know like the song parodies they make and everything yeah Yeah, like hey, they turned hey Jude into a Jew. Hey, yeah Yeah, it's not bad. Mm-hmm. It's pretty good. They gotta try a little harder You can write a title as a title like you could work with that. Sure. Yeah, you can Yeah, I The thing is is I feel bad for Catholics because you guys have actual evil. And evangelicals, you have this schizophrenic nonsense

where, like Pat Robertson's saying, if a towel is made in Africa, don't use it. Is his name Pat Robertson or Pat Roberts? Was it 700 Club guy? He was dying? God, that guy kicked so much ass. And how do you even find that out, where your towels come from? I don't I guess you check like made in like

Ghana or like made in fuck it says 2008 Super Bowl champion, New England Patriots on He's like don't wear it on your head if it's don't cut high holes in it and Your front lawn is defeated New England Patriots season. These clan robes are straight American made. Mm-hmm Yeah, no, he was the guy he said after Hurricane Katrina. He said it was because there's gay people in New Orleans Oh really that the hurricane he would always that was famously. He said 9-eleven was because of gay people In Africa was so bad because they all have sex Yeah, hopefully it goes hopefully gay guys become the new Jews In Africa was so bad because they all have sex. Yeah, hopefully gay guys become the new Jews. Like, because we need to,

they need to switch to another target. It was much more, it was much more wholesome back then. It wasn't like Jews did 9-11, it was like gay guys did 9-11. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh? Huh? Like, the Jews are always like, blamed for everything basically.

Like, we need to pick a new, like, we need a new scapegoat for all this stuff. You can't just claim Jews or there's so many people listening going Jews will do they're like, no down vote. Everyone at home is going, try again. It just it was more fun back then. We're like, it's that's what I'm saying It was like it was literally like schizophrenic nonsense. It was like hurricanes are because of gay guys Yeah, no, it is a it is a fun

It is a fun to have that be your conspiracy theories where they're completely untrue. It's easier to shake that off. Probably. Yeah, I'm saying Yeah, it's more nonsensical. Yeah, they say like Jews if you said to Jews in a hurricane It's like well, there's a whole theory They control the weather and stuff like there's like actual like cannon to back it up, right? Yeah in the original trilogy the Jews are have a better role they're a symbol for the orcs in order the rings Does there have a better role? They're a symbol for the orcs in Lord of the Rings. Sorry. No, but it is fun to imagine, yeah, 9-11 happens because God's in heaven

and he's like, I'm so mad at the gays in New York going to leather bars, so I'm gonna kill all these secretaries one Monday morning. I didn't know what a Jewish person was or what a, I thought a Jew was in the Old Testament. I didn't know that there were Jews growing up in West Texas. Yeah. So my like, dude, that's why I would come out all the time as a gay guy because it was the one thing you couldn't be. He would say come

out as gay all the time. I did on Facebook and I flip like my entire family out like my aunts and uncles will be calling my mom like what's going on? I'd make a long thing like uh Uh, I've I want to let everybody know i'm at the love of my life. I'll be moving to los angeles I'm dropping out of high school like i'd make this elaborate thing Like obviously very honestly very believable and they should have believed it. Yeah Well, that's the thing is you would always come to me you're like, can you believe they they bought this i'm like you wrote a

nine page article with no winking You're a gay closeted man coming out of the closet. I did nine drafts of it Yeah I ruined everything at my college because like I would go to parties and apparently girls were there that like thought I was like somewhat attractive and was like They were like, oh Ben's like the new guy and like they wanted to talk to me and Like they would tell my friends like yeah I was gonna like approach Ben at the party and he was standing in a group of guys and he just kept saying that he was Gay and I was like, oh, I guess Ben's a gay guy

So then I did I like lost interest in him right fuck Well, the thing was the bit ruined everything when you were 18 you got some laughs out of it though You know, I got you got to choose between getting pussy and getting left. That's right Yeah, the problem was Ben was like GG Allen for where we grew up I got some laughs out of it though, you know. Sorry you gotta choose between getting pussy and getting laughs. That's right. Yeah. The problem with Ben was like Gigi Allen for where we grew up, but we grew up so Christian that it was just like very homophobic

is how it came out, you know? Yeah, I was essentially like Doug Stanhope. Yeah. They thought I was just wild. Yeah, it was like your punk rock was pretending to be gay and liking Jews. Everybody was very offended by that. And see, here's the thing about Catholicism

is like, being punk rock is kind of mainstream post Catholicism because the reactionary thing is just to become an atheist, right? So then it's like, you can't even really properly rebel. Like what is rebelling really in the Catholic Church? Yeah, I guess it's just not going to church on Christmas. And then they don't even give a shit though, right?

Like, were you ever reprimanded? Are you reprimanded for not going to church on Christmas. And then they don't even give a shit though, right? Like, were you ever reprimanded? Are you reprimanded for not going to to like mass and stuff? Not really. I think my dad probably would have liked it if I went to church. But but he still goes every week. He goes by himself. He's very religious. I guess he doesn't talk about it a lot, but he goes.

It's like Catholics don't believe in it. It's very casual. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Every Catholic is like the Pope's like, yeah, this is all fucking, this is made up. Who gives a shit? See, ours was like life and death. It really was that severe. Praying before every meal,

asking that if the world would end today, that our souls would be joined in the bosom of Abraham or whatever the hell. Right. So it was very, having fears of like dying and going to hell like praying a bunch before you Go to bed in case like God comes back while you're asleep Sure, you make sure you forgive yourself you ask for forgiveness of your sins So you don't die because if you die with like a sin, then you burn in hell forever. Yeah

Yeah, our first nightmares and dream my first dream was being judged on Judgment Day I remember having that dream when I was like four Jesus appearing before a giant lamb in the sky and a big white light and then them weighing Everything from my life, and then this great big black Void open and I was hurled through it forever what he paused on great big black And I was hurled through it forever what he paused on great big black We even go in heaven is like kind of a scary concept Terrified of having grown. Yeah, yeah eternity, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's horrifying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah They're just like yeah, just like I'm getting my dick sucked and I'm a billionaire and it rules

Yeah, how does it just keep going? Yeah, like millions and trillions of years like yeah. Yeah, it seems like yeah. Yeah, I gotta go Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like I kind of rather go to hell Well hell makes more sense than heaven actually it makes more sense There's like it seems like there's a schedule down there Mm-hmm right because they're like no from six to eight like we're gonna rip your eyeballs out and then put them back in and then Rip them out again, right like over well over and over hell I think you at least have some something to look forward to because in heaven you're just like yeah every moment's awesome Like it rules. I have nothing to look forward to but in hell you're like well

I can't wait till this demon stops raping me and then I get to get those little moments Yeah, and has to like literally like a whistleblower. You're like, whoa Anyway, go eat shit for 40 years. Yeah, it's kind of like exercising. What's that? Like this demon has to come eventually He comes acid you're like, all right. All right, I wasn't so thank God I have something to look forward to Great job Stalin. It's like, yeah, dude, you get to like, you need a lot of talent. I'd rather go to hell. I'm a huge. What the hell are you thinking?

It's crazy what you do. But it's like when you meet a celebrity you don't care about, you're like, I'm a huge fan of your work. Like you're awesome. Bill Cosby just sitting on a stool telling stories. Oh my God. What a wild ride. This is your asking for a picture.

We got tickets to see Cosby. You're like, you're like, to be fair, dude, Cosby crushes in hell. Yeah. Dude, he did two hours wall to wall. We're going to watch Annie Hall. There's going to be a Q&A with the director. You know, you get the titty fuck Amy Winehouse in hell. Yeah.

Why is she in hell? She was racist. What? Did you never? Wait, did you never, wait, wait, have you never seen that video of her being really racist? No. Oh, I'm gonna play this for them. I didn't know that. Oh, damn it, I can't, because we have four inputs,

so I can't play it. Look at that spastic retard on the screen. With Amy Winehouse as we have now, I mean. She's singing a little, there's like a little racist British nursery rhyme, and she's like fucked up on heroin. Oh, that's just their culture out there. Yeah, so it's like whatever, you know Didn't she have like black band members that you know, yes, I mean she did like soul music and she was like they think it's funny I know proper rice is so I

racist oil Oh shit up Apologize before she died apparently for the nursery rhyme. I guess that was her last words Sorry every isn't every nursery rhyme racist though. Yeah a little bit and I heard you know butter pecan ice cream Yeah, yeah, I love that ice cream. Well. They made it because black people weren't like allowed to eat vanilla ice cream Yeah, so they like butter pecan because if you were caught eat vanilla ice cream. Are you serious? Really? Yeah, so they make butter pecan because if you were caught eating vanilla ice cream, they would kill you.

Oh my God. That's why they invented chocolate. Yeah. So they were literally just like, what's like some shit we can like. All right, fine, we'll do chocolate, you do vanilla. Give us the chocolate. You get the pink part of Neapolitan.

Yeah. Only. I'm trying to find what she said. Did they like, did her estate like remove it? Maybe they wiped it. Chocolate you get the pink part of Neapolitan. Yeah only Did her estate like we're maybe they wiped it mmm have an Amy Winehouse laugh Factory I Know when she died like the day after she died Neil Patrick Harris had a birthday party and he he made a He had to make an Amy Winehouse overdose cake that was like her dead body. Jesus, really? Or like vomit coming out of her mouth. I already, he's kind of a sicko.

Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a bad guy. Oh here we go, wait wait. He stinks, I'm really glad he's not. I swear on your life. Don't swear from anything. I swear on your life. I swear on your life.

I swear on your life. I swear on your life. I swear on your life. God, they're on so much crack. What? Oh then it cuts to her like on crack. Oh here we go, here we go, I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna...

I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna...

I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna...

I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna... I don't know what they're gonna do. So that's her last recorded podcast. She goes blacks, packies, G-O-O-K-S and nips. Can I say nips? Is nips okay? Yeah, it's tiny little booze bottles. So she goes blacks and packies and nips and nips.

I think G is the only one I can't say on YouTube. That's just their weird cultural rhymes. But to be fair, she's smoking crack while she's doing it. Sure, yeah. So she's appropriating culture, actually. Yeah, that's what she's gotta apologize for. Yeah. That's what we call pharmaceutical blackface.

Yeah. Mike, do you wanna plug your special? Sure, I got a special out on YouTube. It's called I'm Normal, and if you type in my name, it'll come up. That's a great title. Thanks. And yeah, I think it's good. So if you I'm normal and you can if you type in my name, that's a great title. Thanks And yeah, I think it's I think it's good So if you could watch it and leave a comment, I would appreciate it

You have milestones on it like with the landscape of being so many specials like you you are getting like heat on it Like you're getting views and shit. Yeah, it's got 8,000 views Which is good because there's so many there's a new special every time Which is good because there's so many there's a new special every time It's so funny the algorithm is now feeding me like other people's specials And it's like so many guys that I've never heard of their specials longer than mine And it's like you know it's like Mike Bessine You know I'm like why what am I what am I doing? Yeah, I know a guy who can buy views for you. Yeah, I think a lot of people do that. I think you think

I know a guy who can buy views for you. I think a lot of people do that, I think a lot. You think? I've been kinda, I was talking to them, I've been looking through popular podcasts and specials and there's a certain amount of views that are real. You'll go through the comments, the first 100 are like, that bit at 58, 40 was so great. And then you go 100 down and it's just like,

literally, I want to see his pussy. Yeah, it's like, Indian guy 420 being like, good comedy, special I love. It's just like that to the end of the thing. I think a lot of people do that. They script from other YouTube videos of the people's stuff and then it's just like copy paste. There's an outage in your area.

Yeah. How many views, what does it cost to buy like 300,000 views? So I think my friend I think like a thousand bucks It's more than that like I think my friend told me like you can buy like a hundred thousand views for like two grand or something Yeah, but then so here's the thing So if you're trying to appeal to brands and things like that You can make that money back if you just have fake views on stuff sure there's a comic I know I won't say his name, but he had like 230,000 followers on Instagram,

and everybody thought he was very popular, like he was getting booked a lot for it, and then he just, I think he ran out of money because just a couple weeks ago he stopped paying for the posts to get traction too, so now it's like every video he uploads has like 19 likes, one comment, and it's like 130,000 followers.

Join the Patreon to find out who it is. Yeah, and it's like a hundred, you know 230 thousand followers, but join the patreon to find out who it is We'll call the patreon episode who it is. You want to stick around for a patreon or do you have to go? Patreon. Yeah, what time it's 3 is that clock, right? It's probably 2 52. Yeah, what time do you got to be out of here? Patreon And listen to out for smokes. It's a great podcast. Yeah Thanks. Yeah, it's fun to do with a Scott Chaplin and Sean McCarthy and we try to talk about You know, we talk about 9-eleven a lot I guess Yeah, yeah, but I think it's I think it's a good show

Yeah, I love you and Sean are some of my favorite people on Twitter. Thanks so good Oh, thank you. We send your tweets like in our group text like all the time. Yeah fuck this Maybe laughs. Oh, I message you like maybe in November I was like thank you for tweeting about Palestine shit cuz I thought I was going insane Oh, yeah, when like nobody was tweeting about it. Yeah, and now everybody is yeah now everyone's copying me I love seeing you fight with people in replies of tweets like you'll fight with like big comics and stuff and not give a shit It's great. Thanks fucking rolls. Thanks. Yeah Yeah, it's fine Twitter should be that's what Twitter should be. Yeah, you should be making an ass out of yourself

You should be documenting. Yeah. Yeah, all the fake docs of Shane was very it was very funny That was great I thought it was I thought you'd lost your mind for a second And then of course you Google it. It's like some lawn care service or whatever. I guess they're out of business. But the replies to that were very funny because it was people being like, you're a piece of shit. You suck.

You suck at comedy. Shane's better than you. And then there's people being like, this is a lawn care company. You need to delete this immediately. It was so funny. Yeah. But I always tell people I do a new thing where if I... You'll be like, this is a lawn care company. You need to delete this immediately. It was so funny. Yeah, but I always tell people, I do a new thing where if I, for me to see your reply, you have to be following me. If you're not following me, I don't see your reply.

It's made Twitter so much better. Oh, do you turn tweet on where it's like people who follow me can reply? Is that the thing at the bottom? Only people who follow me, their replies are visible. You have to at least follow me to say my wife's fat. And then you'll pay them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pen it.

You retweet it, hope she sees it. Yeah, yeah, just kidding, she's not. She's not fat. Back me up here, fellas. She hasn't made it this far in the club, guys. It's fine, it's fine. Yeah, let's bang out another one. All yet. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Let's bang out another one.

All right. I'm down. We can, yeah, okay. Patreon.com slash lemon party for the Patreon. And then what's your Patreon for Out for Smokes? Oh, it's Patreon.com slash Out for Smokes. Cool. Thanks.

Perfect. All right. Thanks, Mike. See you. Bye. I'm sorry. West Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina Music would play and Bolita would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Bolita W wicked and evil while casting a spell. I love Oz Deep or this Mexican mate, I was in love but in vain I could tell.

One night a wild young cowboy came in, wild as the west Texas wind.