lemonparty - 080: Rio Bravo

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

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It's inconsiderate. I'm on that light beam always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of me. It's inconsiderate. It's wildly inconsiderate. And you're, yeah, you would be, I would like, I would think differently of you. If you didn't get it, if you, you know. Just that day the first green bubble comes in.

You're just, yeah, you can't do that to us. I caught all that, I think. Oh, you did? Yeah, I caught all that riff. Okay, great. Wow. We didn't lose that content us. I caught all that, I think. Oh, you did? Yeah, I caught all that riff. Okay, great. Wow. We didn't lose that content. We're watching Dawn, she's like,

I don't know what she's doing. She's pouring sand into water. Yeah. And sifting. I think they went to this museum of like mining, but I think they think it's a restaurant. Yeah, they're like, how do you make the chocolate coins? Oh, Dawn, this is one of those conveyor belt sushi places. They're just, how do you make the chocolate coins? Oh done. This is one of those conveyor belt sushi places

They're just seeing rocks. They're making rocks. I guess is what they're doing. They're sitting for rock She's panning for salt to add to her baked potatoes Don don learn the traditional Japanese way of making salt from the ocean. Oh God because your blood pressure kept plummeting She got too many pipes versed in her veins Would you say really is their colonoscopy? Yeah, it's a cold Oscar. Yeah, they're like finding kidney stones with like a little like hillbilly pan Man God damn, okay With like a little like hillbilly pan. Oh man.

God damn. You okay? You okay? I got, I literally got winded plugging in the laptop. You were really good. I was like, whoo, you're out of breath. I plugged in my computer and I was like, whoo, I gotta, I gotta take a seat. You restarted, you restarted the audio system

and then dabbed your head with a rag. I'm too out of shape to do soy face at the beginning of the episodes anymore. People are wondering why I don't do the soy face. It's too much of an extra, like down like that. You know what? Yeah, it's because you would do the soy face and then you would be trying to not heavy breathe

into the microphone for 15 minutes. You have to put on a headband to put an HDMI cable in. The problem is, is like like I do the same thing I totally get it. I get up these stairs as quickly as I can before we're recording I ate a bunch of Dan Dan noodles this week and a bunch of butter chicken Okay, and I had a bunch of donuts from donut friend. Okay, I had a bunch of chocolate cookies last night But they're they weren't from the store. They were made at home. So it's like It's like Bristol farms better for you. That's great. right, they're better. Yeah, that's like Bristol Farms.

Better for you. That's great. It's homemade. Yeah, yeah. That's like salad. Yeah, it's like croutons. Yeah, yeah, you didn't bake them, you just ate them out of the tube.

That's homemade diabetes. But the problem is, I've had like butter chicken like five times this week. Yeah, that'll get you. I had a bunch of Chick-fil-A last night. So like, it's not- Your stomach looks like an oil spill right now. Last thing, I'm not that,

like I'm really not that fat. I've gained a lot of weight, but like it's just the amount of stuff in my body. It's like, it feels like I'm really having to work hard to just like do, I don't know if that's, is that what blood pressure is? I don't know, man. Yeah, I think you're at the point

that where your shits are panting. You have like an oily, oily pelican come out of your ass you look down into the toilet bowl your turds like You have to nurse your you have to wash your turd off with a little dove soap don dish soap Yeah, I shit next to a pump jack. Yeah, that's going up and down like that It's just taking my shit into the ground ground roughnecks wrapping a chain around your ass And going 15 psi 15 and climb and watch that Covered in my shit covered in shit and just like rapid that thing around your guys running across fields like on horses

There's a shit coming out of you and they throw a chain around it and it like the torque just like rips it out of their hands there's one of you your ass gets a blowback and a guy gets ripped in half it looks like that scene in there will be blood when they're all running across the field and like everybody's hats are coming off running like crazy toward the dare toward the dare people are at your Yeah, Katie's willing a big cart full of explosives to stop you from shitting your shit looks like it's giving a postgame interview Your shit your shit's going your shit's going well, I mean at the end of the day it's just basketball.

Your shit's just like Cam Newton giving a post game and it's got a big cowboy hat on. God damn I'm worried too because we're about to go on the road for 10 days. Yeah, you're fucked. Because usually people are like, oh man I can't wait to get back home from off the road. So you can go back to be, this is my baseline. You're always on the road with your diet.

You actually, you might be right at home. I love how you keep eating butter chicken, not once putting together that it's literally, it's good because there's two sticks of butter in the sauce. Oh shit. That's why it's called butter chicken. That's why they call it butter chicken. Butter's the main ingredient.

You should just eat butter, and you should save money by eating sticks of butter with chicken. Yeah, you go to should just eat butter. You should save money by eating sticks of butter with chicken. Yeah. You go to the movie theaters and you just load up, you pour the popcorn out and you just load it up with the butter. You drink it like soup.

You sure they don't just like cook the chicken in butter and then it's like a coconut cream? There's at least a stick of butter in the sauce. Yeah, every time you eat at a restaurant, it has at least one stick. Butter chicken has two. Butter chicken has a lot of butter in it. Yeah Yeah, every time you eat at a restaurant, it has at least one stick. Butter chicken has two. Butter chicken has a lot of butter in it. Yeah.

I feel like a fool. I had no idea. I really didn't know. You could have let me not know that for the rest of my life. I would have just kept eating it. Here's the problem. There's literally nothing good out there

that's not full of stuff. Yeah. You know. Everything healthy tastes like shit. I like carrots, but then wait one time It's his classic fat guy who thinks he's gonna pull together the amount of times throughout my life I was like here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna eat four pounds of carrots a day Baby carrots like a horse yeah, you like that's gonna turn it all around for me

You eat them in bed, and you realize you've gone through eight tubs of hummus I Told you start dipping them in like nacho cheese. I told my friend once, I was like, cause he was like, you need to start eating more vegetables. And I was like, well, I love tomatoes and carrots. And he's like, yeah, of course you do. There's tons of sugar in those things. I was like, what's, that is insane.

I don't like that shit. But apparently there is sugar in those two things. In tomatoes? Well, apparently tomatoes are fruit anyway. if tomatoes are giving you a heart attack You should have been dead anyway If you get taken out by a tomato, but that's bullshit like sugar doesn't count if it's like in so like a carrot It's got so much the issue is it has a lot of fiber So you break down the sugar very slowly versus you know when you go to the movie theater and you get just the syrup only from the fountain,

it spikes your blood sugar because it has no fiber with it. So that's why fruits are relatively okay. I get like a really fucking bad headache now unless I'm like, and then I like eat like 2,500 calories from like Chick-fil-A or something and then my head doesn't hurt anymore. Yeah, you're a drug addict now.

Yeah. Does that mean like the, oh and also the back of my knees are turning red now? Do you guys have that? No. It looks like I have rashes on the back of my legs. This is, it's really insane. But it might be from the corduroy trans.

You're gonna start, it's actually sad to see what I've become. It's actually sad to see what you've become, Ben. You're gonna start carrying around a chicken sandwich in your back pocket like Narcan. Yeah. Uh. Stat.

He doesn't have diabetes, he just needs a Snickers. Isn't the Pulp Fiction scene where they inject your heart with adrenaline, but it's maple syrup. Maple syrup. Ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. How funny will it be like, cause this show is just kinda making fun

of like fat people though. Yeah, no yeah. I'm gonna be fat as shit. I'm gonna get this fat piece of shit. I'm gonna be fat, yeah. I'm hooked up to like an oxygen tank and shit. I'm like, fuck, yeah. I'm hooked up to an oxygen tank and shit. Yeah, yeah, the computer's controlling you. It's keeping you alive.

I have no idea. Yeah. Have you seen that Kel's journey? I think we talked about her once, Kel's fitness journey on Instagram. It's the really fat chick who eats a soup salad, right? She eats a ranch soup salad. She's like, I'm recovering from binge eating, then she'll eat like a bathtub of clam chow

Right. Yes, it seems like she's doing really well Recovering she pounds Orange soda with every meal like it's like fat guy Gary Don just held the boat an arrowhead And I just imagined her just putting in her mouth and swallowing it. I Couldn't I couldn't not just mention it. I love the fat. Yeah, I'm loving Instagram more as like a troll ground because Elon, have you guys seen on Twitter, Elon uses the word uses the R word now? Oh, he does. He calls people like retard.

Yeah, which is like I think you were about to censor yourself. They're not on the not on the show. He calls people freaks. I kinda don't wanna use it anymore because now like. It has become a little too popular, I gotta say. Well I'm out. These people can't keep, you know. I'm not gonna, just cause they're wearing my culture as a costume doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop being black.

Well this is the problem is that we're so, we have such ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, that if enough, if like saying retarded in fact gets popular enough I will become like a gay like trans person just as a like fuck you to whoever's most Bully chickens like he took the war like I call you retard. Yeah, you don't call anybody else I call I go on the top. I log in I call you are worded f worded Well, I don't have anything also you use the word retard like Chris Kyle uses as a bayonet and a rifle.

It's beautiful really. You're like a machine. That's right. Yeah, he's going out to a gun range, he's holding the gun upside down and firing it straight up in the air. So he embarrasses the retard. I'm done with X now.

I'm fucking done with X. Don't call it that, it's Twitter. He hates that, don't give him it. It's Twitter. It's a Don't know don't give him that Twitter. We all say Twitter. Yeah, you know Just posted an X today. It's a tweet Devin. I think they do. I think people are doing Yeah, they go dude. I saw your post on X the other day Yeah, and then people say and then they go back to and then it's Tim pull going back to getting knocked out at a rally And then they go back to, and then it's Tim Pull going back to getting knocked out at a rally.

Tim Pull's going like, oh, I saw your post on X, and then somebody slices off the top of his head to get his beanie. I love to lower him on like a crane into like a hippo's mouth. You know those watermelon crushing videos on Instagram? Where the hippo, like they drop a bunch of watermelon. I wanna do that one.

Throw a watermelon in his mouth, yeah. I would. Do that with his head. You just spray paint his beanie green. And the hippo doesn't know the difference Don't think it's a watermelon. It'll pop right off I would love to heavily sedate him like at the end of a Hannibal and then just have him at a dinner table and slice his head off right around his beanie and

Then lift it off like a little Fabergé egg and then feed him his own brains scalp him You mean scalp go into the skull. Yeah Boiled egg. Yeah, exactly. He has a big exposed get off Hey guys You have too much going on this spring to worry about what to eat Factor lets you fuel up for those busy days with chef crafted meals that get sent straight to your door They're dietitian approved and ready to eat in just two minutes factor sent us a lot of great meals I love factor Devon. I know he cooked up a nice yummy meal. Tremendous stuff, really quick and easy.

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Thank you, Factor, now back to the show. Thank you, Factor. What is Tim Poole up to? What is he? Like, what is his point? And what is his, what is he, who is he? What is his side? What is his thing?

Someone pulled his beanie off once at a have you seen that clip? And he goes people will know my identity. It's not cuz I'm completely bald But what's funny is if you take his beanie off, he's unrecognizable. Yeah, you've no idea who he is He does he would blend in at these rallies if he didn't wear the beanie you take the beanie off He looks like every British man who ever existed. like Carl Pilking he does Yeah, how did a guy like that get faint like Rogan just going on Rogan and being like what did he even like go on Rogan? He was on Rogan a lot. I think back in the day. Yeah, I don't know I don't know all these like these go like Andy Nagel or emails Chang I don't know where they come they just exist to post a video and be like look black people are walking the streets and

Then Elon retweets it and goes, concerning. Concern. Concern. And now he's using, but now it's even worse because he's like calling people retarded on X. Elon is? Elon will tweet at people and call them a retard. That's where we are right now.

While still getting owned somehow. Oh, he's always getting owned, but I mean, he gets owned, it's like, why are you on, but the point is, is that I've gone to Instagram. You're a Reels guy now? I've been picking fights on like the PGA Tours Instagram page. Really?

I get in the comments section now. You get in like, in golf fights? I'm starting like huge fights with people, I'm like, like I'll just be on like the PGA, like the PGA Tour will post a like, like I'll just, I'll just be on like the PJ, like the PJ tour will post a clip and I'll just be like, sad to see what Tommy Fleetwood's become. And it's like 400 comments,

we're like, you're a fucking hater, fuck you. I see your Instagram bio says you're a venture capitalist, why don't you go back to L.A. Like it's just tons of people like trying to kill me. That rules. It's the most hateful place now and I feel more anonymous on Instagram So now yeah now I pick fights on there. It does kind of rule that you can like you can like

piss off a guy who's 70 years old tweeting Posting at you from his iPad in like Boca Raton, Florida Is that you finished top 15 this week you cock fuck you? Is that even his top 15 this week you cock fuck you While he's ignoring his grandchild everything is so contentious like on Instagram you can it's just golf It's a guy who chipped in on 15 and you can start a 900 comment thing Oh my yeah, my favorite is like you just see a random It's like a video of like two bunnies playing and it's you go the comments is like Hitler was not that bad

9,000 comments were so mean on really. 9,000 comments read. People were so mean on Instagram. I used to hate it for that, and now I like it a lot, actually. That's why I was kinda being popular on Instagram only. I was kinda baptized in that, doing like gay little political cartoons and stuff. Oh, people hate you on Instagram. Oh, the amount of people who told me

I was a fat faggot and to kill myself. That was like how I woke up. You kinda have to be, that was your alarm. That was a coffee. No, I was literally, faggot and to kill myself. That was like how I woke up. You kind of have to be witty. That was your alarm. That was a coffee. No, I was literally. That was your wake up call.

I post a new drawing, I'd be like, oh, I got four fat faggots in an hour. I'm like, this drawing's killing right now. You have to be kind of wittier with your hate on Instagram though, because certain words you will get, it'll just immediately get deleted or your page will be affected, right? So I think that's why maybe the hatred's more

in depth on Instagram, because they can't just be like, kill yourself faggot, like on Twitter. Yeah, Instagram though, I feel like their shit sucks, because it'll be like a hundred comments like, kill yourself fat faggot, I hate you, like they'll be like the most hateful thing, and then it'll say see hidden comments,

and it'll be like, keep it up, love the content'll it'll say see hidden comments and I'd be like keep it up I have to unhide comments on Instagram all the time. They're just support Looking at a hidden comment. I'm like, oh god, this must be really bad. It just is like so proud of you I love you. I love you. This is your father. I gave you up in 1983 Blocked hidden page deleted assassinated those Zuckerbergs my favorite guy now out of cuz There's no who we have at Zuckerberg and then Zuckerberg that Elan's got Twitter owns Facebook which Right of him where he looks all he got he like his glow up. Yeah, he got anti-chew surgery.

Yeah, he looked really, he looked like a Dominican guy out of nowhere, he looked really cool. He had like a chin strap. Yeah, he looked like a Hey Yo Ma guy. I thought he actually got jacked. No, I don't think it's a real picture, but I liked it. I think he is pretty fit, he's like an MMA crossfit guy now.

Yeah, but no, that was definitely either that or he got his bones just completely removed. He had a chain on. They had to be a doctored photo. It would rule if Zuck went total wigger mode in 2024 at the new metal launch is being like, hey, yo, we got a fucking point on this shit now. Check this shit out. Y'all can jack your shit off.

He goes, Facebook's for the old heads. We talking about that new hip hop where you can be gay and trans and shit. We talking about that hip hop where you can be goth. That's a new Facebook. I think the metaverse shit bombed, by the way. I've heard a peep. They saw a year and a half. They actually stopped it.

Oh, so it did tank. Yeah. They invested like 80 billion dollars in the metaverse and then they were like, oh, sorry, this is actually really gay. Never mind. Yeah. People were immediately running sex trafficking rings somehow in the metaverse. Dude, it was the metaverse existed to buy a child or to yell at a man from Ghana. Every clip I saw for the metaverse existed to buy a child or to yell at a man from Ghana Every clip I saw for the yet of the metaverse It's like Sonic playing knuckles at a poker table and then goes shut up you African retard

Do be a chase where we were driving around Highland Park like two days ago, by the way, everybody's we were Yeah, like two days ago. We played golf and then we were in Highland Park. Oh, right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. We were I thought you were saying Hancock Park every three seconds as being just are driving in Highland Park. We were just like, I say Hancock Park or Highland Park. I don't have a as we were driving in Highland Park every three seconds. Either me or Jace was like, we're like, kill yourself, faggot.

Yeah. We were like dogs when the mailman comes close and they're like biting at the glass when they're in the car. And they're not even like the assholes that we used to hate in like 2012. They're not on penny-farthing bicycles anymore with like tombstone hats on.

They're rich though. They're all just yuppies. They're just boring people. They're rich though. They're all just yuppies. They're just boring people. They're just the NPCs now. Yeah. But they're wearing designer wear, like a thousand dollar cool guy sweater. Yeah.

Well we were taking turns because it would be, I'm driving and Ben sees a guy dressed like, for a fistful of dollars covered in sequins. He's like, fuck you faggot. Dude, literally. They dress like Clint Eastwood. They all are like that. And also, by the way, because I hang, I go to these places. I go to bars and stuff

Somehow apparently everyone is currently working on Kanye's albums Like everyone pair on earth knows Kanye and they're all a part of the vultures to drop That's why his music sucks now because any guy around you at a bar is somehow Working as Kanye just goes into like the humor Well, hermaphrodite Lisa room is like who hates Jews. Yeah, basically. Yeah Thousand executive producers named Pierce. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, just a ton of guys with the hair where it's shaved on the side and then it's kind of Executive is kind of curly in the back by Braden. Mm-hmm These guys I couldn't believe how many assholes I saw.

Oh, I know. Yeah, well, we were taking turns because you would yell at an asshole like that and then we'd get to the next stoplight and there'd be a guy with no arms or legs like walking like one of those Boston Mechanic robots. He's hopping, hopping around town. Like fucking die, idiot.

Fuck you. Because they took half a second too long at the crosswalk. It's human Frogger. Yeah, no, literally he's hopping like 20 feet. There's so many crazy people in LA that I'm be making a right turn. There's just an old woman taking a long time across the street and I'm like screaming,

like who the fuck let you out? Yeah, you'll see like a Bolshevik, like Russian grandma, like escaping from Stalin. And you have to tell yourself like, okay, you're see like a like a Bolshevik like Russian grandma like escaping from Stalin and you have to tell yourself like okay You're making right turn don't plow her through the intersection. I Get that sometimes driving in El Hambrough I'll just see a family like unpacking in the back of their car I just get the urge to just swerve and pin them against their own vehicle I mean and now if you if you're like trying to avoid like

Upcoming traffic and you make make a right turn in LA, you go, oh, there's a homeless civil war going on on this street. I'm now a part of a battle. You're like, ah, shit, it's Planet of the Apes. It's a bunch of chimpanzees on horses. They escape. They go, the LA Zoo hasn't been open

for quite some time, so. Makes sense. Oh, I forgot, Karen Bass had that program where she trained monkeys to kill homeless people and now they have a big war. Homeless people riding an anaconda like a train. Yeah, make a left turn downtown and you're like, oh, it's the Lost Boys from Peter Pan. Now they all live in a big tree, they're eating magic food.

Great. That's fucking awesome. Jaze, what were we at? You you displayed the was it with the insane clown posse? They have a they have a butterfly. I told you we were driving around Highland Park and I forget how this came up. I was like, why are they so insane, by the way? I said because they like to fuck children.

They like to fuck kids. Yeah. So it's like, what's so insane about the insane clown posse? It's like they all fuck. How much of pedophiles they are. The other name is the insane child born group that we need ICP yeah it's all right there it's all there it's all the numbers Jace explained to me the gayest thing can I can I explain it yeah I didn't know this was a thing I read this the other day I brought up Highland Park in the first place I were dying

laughing I read this the other day on X.com which by the way you have to type in Twitter comm to go to I love exit Twitter comm that ICP the two guys who run it violent J or Bob silent J and Bob or whatever their retarded names are When they were kids living in a woman's Fupa in a trailer park in Florida Yeah, they both they killed a butterfly together like they smashed a butterfly with a rock and they immediately felt so terrible That they said one day when we die and go to heaven we're going to say we're sorry to the butterfly when we get to heaven. And so on every ICP album it says it's dedicated to the butterfly on every one of their albums. And I was telling Ben I was like just laughing at the idea of like that that butterflies in heaven just

being like your music fucking sucks. He's all smashed to shit. Dude coming out and he goes, fuck you guys. Stop dedicating your shit ass music to me. It's so funny to dress up like Deos De La Morta guys and like your big thing is you love the worst soda ever made. Somehow it's worse than Haritos.

It's worse than anything out there. You look crazy. But supposedly that's like the whole crazy thing about you guys. a divorce than anything out there. You look crazy. But supposedly that's the whole crazy thing about you guys. But every fan I've known of ICP, they all have 13 year old girlfriends. It's like it's France in the 50s. It's anything goes.

They're like, yeah. ICP is for drug dealers who don't have a bottom in their car. They have like a Fred Flintstone car on their day 12. They're like G-Eazy for people that are proud and open about being in pedophilic relationships. It's for guys who accidentally grew dreads.

They didn't mean to. They just don't chat more. They woke up one day and they go, ah, shit. I got fucking dreadlocks. It's all my hair going together. They're Lolita for people that can't read. I will say that's what's great about being super low income, is you can kind of do anything you want.

From what I understand, in pockets of LA, there's been serial killers for decades and no one, everyone's so poor, no one cares. The Grim Reaper, he killed like 90 black prostitutes over the course of 40 years They know I the cops were like, I mean, I don't care I guarantee you could drive down to skid Row and do the breaking bad machine gun out of the trunk of your car I'm like, yeah, I'm like a pyramid of homeless people Drive to the cops and be like I killed all those people and they're like, what are you talking about?

But we're pretty we know that place doesn't exist fuck off We're pretty sure that's that local, that serial killer that was killing homeless people. You know, that guy was in that was the guy that broke into Joey's place. Did you know this? Oh, wait, wait, what?

Joey was super. Can you actually legally talk about this? Yes. You talked to detectives about this. I think I remember you told me this like late night, but I forgot most of it. A guy broke into Joey's place and Joey was hung over and sitting in his bed

and just looked out and the guy came in through his back balcony. Joey lives on a scale. The high ride like Joey lives on like the third floor of the apartment complex, and he has one of the rooms where there he does have a balcony. This guy got into the lobby and just came up and then jumped over his back balcony, went through his back door. And Joey just like, like looks over at him and is like, hello, can I help you?

And the guy was like, oh, is this where I'm supposed to pick up the stuff or whatever? And Joey. Yeah, guy goes, huge fan of hate watch. Yeah, Joey goes, I don't know, I think you're in the wrong place. And then the guy goes, oh, okay. And then he just like, then he walks back out and leaves.

Then we find out there was a local serial killer in Joey's neighborhood killing homeless people and then he followed a city worker home and killed that guy in his garage. Killed like, so he was starting to work his way towards killing, breaking and entering. People who matter. Yeah, like normal people, which is what I've said

on Hate Watch before. He started killing normal people. He's like, I killed a white person today. But so Joey's looked into it so much, Joey picked his picked his face up out of a lineup. Really? Like a couple of weeks ago. Wow. And they won't tell him, but it's got to be the same guy. Black guy. Black dude, Jared Powell.

He was in the neighborhood. He literally killed a guy of street over, like in the news from Joe. So why do you think why does Joey think you didn't kill him? I just told Joey that I think I think he ruined it for the guy because the guy wants people to be like, because want you to be like afraid. Oh, my God. My place with Joey is just Joe.

And he's like, can I help you get that knife out of here? Joe is like, can you bring me some chili? I made chili last night. Can you bring me a bowl? I've had that pack rock going for nine days, buddy. Happy stuff. I really do think Joey was saved by not caring. I think so. And I think, you know, imagine if you're a serial killer,

you break in, you get off to the fear, right? If you're just like, what the fuck? What are you doing here? Yeah, no, it's like coming soft. It like ruins it. Yeah, exactly. It's a flaccid kill. Get me hard bitch

But where I come supposedly that's how you can beat rape jayce you know that short story and I have Men why women don't just take it. It's not rape if they don't if you go yo, I love this and they go The guy goes immediately goes goes like, oh, you fucking whore, slut. That's if you get flash, just go, nice, awesome dude. Great dick, man. Dude, great tiny dick and huge balls, that rules. Where you said there was a short story you read? There's a-

You read a short story with this? Yeah, it's a- Rawdaw book. Isn't it in brief interviews with hideous men? Yeah, the BRG, a short story with this. Yeah, it's a. Rolled all book. Is it in a brief interview with the B.R.G., the big raping giant? Isn't there isn't there a short story in brief interviews with hideous men by Devin Foster Wallace where a lady's getting raped and she learns to embrace and love the rape and then the guy stops? I I didn't read that book.

I don't know. I don't. You know what's weird about the Air Force of Wallis by the way? It was about a rope and the, Yeah. They learned to embrace the rope. I was gonna say what's weird about it

is he hugged himself in a garage in Pomona. He hugged himself in like Lancaster, right? Yeah, like on his front porch. He was a professor at Pomona College. Well, that's retarded, so. Somehow, Pomona College is one of the best schools there is, which is shocking. Is it really?

It's a pretty sucks ass. Yeah, but Pomona College is like an esteemed English school, or whatever that mean by that. Well, I don't know what that means. English department. English department, sure. Hey, Bob, I already know English. Don't know what all these people are doing in English class.

This asshole over here. He's like, we got Harold Bloom on the show over here. No, recite us a sonnet, will you? I don't know who you're talking about. More of an Orlando Bloom guy. And you're better for it, honestly. No, here's something they don't tell you about David Foster Wallace.

Is that he was retarded and killed himself? Kind of, well it's like. That he wore a big banana on his head and hung himself. Yeah like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Yeah yeah, if you, I honestly I love David Foster Wallace but if you showed me a picture of him, I'd then know who he was and you're like, he hung himself, I'd be like good, I'm glad.

The bandana was pretty annoying. It was pretty gay. That's what Brett Easton Ellis tweeted. You remember the day Dave Fuzerwell was hung himself? I got on Twitter and Brett Easton Ellis was tweeting, good, I'm glad he's dead. That was the day I realized gay people are really evil. I realized gay people are like little Lex Luthor's.

They're like riding around just like, I'm plotting the downfall of everyone I know. Good. Well I guess he solved his blemish problem. I've got you again, Batman. Corn it again. Fuck, wait, why did he hate him? Dave Fosswell says this great essay

about how American Psycho is, it's great satire of 80s culture and everything, but it's nothing more than that. Oh, you mean David Foster Wallace has an essay? About Bradyson Ellis as American Psycho, and how it's actually not a great work, and. About how there's, if either. It exaggerates features of the time,

but that's all it does. It doesn't offer a solution It doesn't offer some sort of silver lining. It was nothing on Postmodernism in general that yeah irony while an interesting literary device doesn't actually offer a answer to like well, what is life? What is meaning DFW's whole thing as he warned us against like that's like perils of post-modernism It's like a child. It's it's like a like a sophomoreic understand Yeah, it's a good way to dismantle power systems, like to make fun of people or institutions,

but beyond that it just leaves nothing. You don't get anywhere with it. He leaves nothing in its wake. He didn't want the culture just to be people going, everything is bullshit and nothing matters. He wanted people to understand that and then go, and so then how do we change that? And I think he thought the perils of postmodernism

would be people not wanting to change everything and just being apathetic towards anything and nothing would lack Everything would lack meaning art would just imitate our nothing with any he had this grand hope and then he watched the machine story on Rogan went into his garage tied up a Beautiful news dude the timeline kind of checks out actually that is one of my you know, they're like MLK and Fucking the girl in the attic and Frank were born on the same year Is that David Foster Wallace could have technically watched the machine story by Rogan? Yeah The time yeah, it was like oh a right like right when road starting JRE. Yeah, maybe David Foster Wallace went to the Ontario improv. Yeah

JRE. Yeah, maybe David Foster was went to the Ontario improv. Yeah. Bird Cricer was was middling a struggling, unknown comic opening for Pablo Francisco. And he was like, I just want to hear the little tortilla boy bit. That's what I'm doing in the middle of the machine store. He stood up at his table and he goes, I'm going to hang myself. I'm David Foster Wallace, and this is an infinite jest. This sucks. But why did I bring that up, though?

Something about a fuck. Wait, why did I bring him up, though? We're talking about gay guys. Oh, fuck. Short story. He said good, he said good about him dying and stuff. Oh yeah, Brady Snell was super happy. No, but I brought him up for a different reason. There was a short story, why'd you say short story?

It was like some guy is killing each other. No, in brief interviews with Haley Smith. But no, I. He wrote a thing about how American psycho was. Agreeing to rape, and then you said, that reminds me of David Foster Wallace. Oh yeah, so here's the thing, he was a rape guy. Who was? Did you said that reminds me of David Foster. Oh yeah so here's the thing he was a rape guy. Who was?

Did you know that? So obviously anybody who... David Foster Wallace or Brady Stenellis? Uh probably both. Also fuck both these guys that they have their gay middle name. So I have to go David Foster Wallace or Brady Stenellis? Right they both sound like assassins, political assassins. Christian Bale dumped on your gay book, fuck you. assassins Christian Bale dumped on your gay book fuck you so yeah Dave Fuzzer Wallace had a fuck why don't wait I have so much butter chicken pumping

through my blood yeah I know fuck I feel like I'm like animal mother and full metal jacket right now. Do you sometimes turn to Devin and then you blink and rub your eyes and he turns into a big pie? It feels like I'm in like full metal jackets times like in the war scenes where I'm like put an inward behind the trigger And I'm just like running Over you have to have gained a hundred pounds I go better you than me Joker Joker you have the Mandela effect with your diet. You're like I could have sworn there was a salad There's an alternate reality where you said no to a food. It just keeps splitting off.

Oh, I remember now. So like obviously anybody, typically writers are obsessive people. That's the only way you can get anything done is you have to obsess over it. So a guy like him for a while, he was obsessed over this girl named Mary. I think her name was Mary Green or something like that.

Who gives a shit? She was some painter bitch lady. She was like a known lady or something. She has tits and a pussy, I don't care what she. She's not Emily Dickinson so she can kill herself. It's all these writers, they're losers, they can't talk to anybody and then they fall in love with some like, you know, the seven out of 10

at their liberal arts college. She's like, you know. They see her walking across the quad, and she's like, I love the leaves in fall. Yeah, and they can like, they can. They go, I'm gonna masturbate to her later. Yeah, and he can like make references to probably like Shakespeare or something,

and she thinks it's actually romantic. Yeah, no, he's not gay. She's the only woman he knows where he can go like, oh, actually, I'm a tenor at the English department, and they don't say, go fuck yourself. They say, oh, that's interesting and cool He I don't even think he went on any dates with her But he got hit her and by the way, I know you guys hate probably that we're talking about literary stuff

This is where it gets good right here. So if you stuck around this is the good part He carved her name into his leg There's a scar of her that says Mary if you dig up his corpse, which I have to see all his baby, it says her like it says her full name. Apparently for years he was stalking her. Anyway, then he wrote about before he dug up his corpse and there was a bandana and little glasses on his skeleton. It would be funny if he was hiding a Charles Manson like swastika

Yeah, he's on he's on NPR's book talk And he's just going like oh, I I actually um it's I sweat a lot That's why I have the bandana Not that I have the inward car what was his reason for the bandana is that he's sweating a lot He had a condition where he would sweat and it would constantly fall into his eyes And you know when sweat falls your eyes and it stings so yeah Rub your eye like that. Yeah.

Yeah. Chronic social anxiety. So when he had to do public speaking events, he would wear a bandana and then he would take his mouth to get very dry. Fake saliva. He would drink. Yeah. Fake spit, which is a thing.

The end of the tour is great. Yeah. All of his novels are bad and his nonfiction is great though. But. Infinite Jess is good. Well, Infinite Jess. I haven't read Infinite Jess, but I know you can hang that over me for those of my life But I literally did reading right I was really good at reading and then I've got I'm gonna read infinite Just and I did and I go I'm done. No more book. That was like the last novel you ever read

I gave you Libra by Don DeLilla. Did you read it? I read the first 60 pages I thought it was dynamite and then I threw it away. I looked at the book I could tell where you stopped based on how it was crazy. Can I tell you I thought about was dynamite, and then I threw it away. I looked at the book, I could tell where you stopped, based on how it was creased. Can I tell you, I thought about creasing the rest of the pictures, before I brought it back, and then I said to myself, I go, you know what, fuck him, I'm not gonna let him win.

I don't give a shit. You put like stains on that. I'm like, oh sorry, I spilled coffee on page 105. That's so funny, I looked at it, and I took one look at it, I was like, he got to like page 60. You just snipe the exact number. And he didn't want to talk about it on the show too

because I wanted to talk to you about the JFK conspiracy on the show and I thought it would be great banter, great fodder for the show. We get into some conspiracies on here, we could just stop talking about me falling down the stairs because I ate too much naan. Yeah.

Which everybody loves. The only thing you don't read is ingredients. That's a really, that's like a Don Rickles level. That's very good. Yeah, no, I mean, I started it and then six, it's what happens every time I'm like, this is great. And then 60 pages and I go, oh yeah, reading's gay. I'm gonna go watch Lone Survivor. Yeah I mean you guys always make me feel I feel really, you know stupid a lot of the time

But I you know, I keep up enough here. I guess well, let's let's bring you also read the entire Bible So that takes away like half of our you did also yeah that but that's actually that was good for your reading like half of our reading. You did also. Yeah, but that's actually that was good for your reading prowess. Yeah, the Bible because the Bible, like, I don't know, just stinks to me. It's really hard. You know what? The Bible's the Bible sucks. I think it's I think it's which it's not a great book. Which version are you reading? I don't know. It's it's written by Bill Simmons.

The big book of basketball. What is this Jesus gag come in? It's like just a lot of rankings of players and stuff. You're like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shouldn't have been number one. No, but I mean, yeah, you guys are, I think that probably helped because the Bible's so wordy. Yeah, and it's also like the thus spakeeth. That type of shit. Which I immediately get tired. I immediately feel like I ate a buncheth. That type of shit. He went down into the. I immediately get tired. Yeah.

I immediately feel like I ate a bunch of food when I read shit like that. I mean, we were such nerds, we would do, I remember we did Sunday school class, I was always fascinated by revelations, because that's the one, you know, most of the Bible is like, hey, you know. It's revelation.

Revelation. There's one revelation. I thought it was revelations. I thought it was revelations. The revelations of. Everybody says it like retarded like that. They go, it's the book of revelations. I think it is Revelations. I thought it was Revelations. The Revelations of. Everybody says it like retarded like that. They go it's the book of Revelations. I think it is.

No, everyone just says it retarded cause everyone's a retard. All right, well, Google, if I'm right, call Ben a retard and if I'm wrong, don't comment anything. Spoken like a true son of God. Kind of, yeah. Blessed are the R worded. Blessed are the retarded. Yeah, worded. Blessed are the retarded.

Yeah, for they. Blessed are the retards. For they shall be based. Yeah, you read, yeah, Revelation, I took classes in Revelation in a, at our private Christian university, which don't translate if you change schools, they don't translate into English departments. They don't, other universities don't recognize it. The Bible classes don't.

They don't translate. So then once you take the two Bible classes, you're stuck at the university for four years. I took those classes as well. It is funny, you pay like $10,000 to learn about like He-Man basically. You're like, oh, here's like the 10 courses on Marvel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm in Snarf 101. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like grabbing my degree. I go, ah, I know so much about Ant-Man. Yeah. I'm glad I'm like grabbing my degree I go I know so much about it man But yeah But I remember we took a we took a class in Sunday school and they were like they're like you tell us what you think

revelation sons Very good is about and we like I like got I nerded out and I looked at passages and I cross Referenced it to like all this type of stuff and I came back and they go that's all wrong It's actually about how gay people should go to have Because you're too young and retarded to realize everybody just takes this book and filters it through ever like what they wanted to me right exactly Yeah, yeah. Well, it's bullshit too, it's like all those professors, they learn to speak Greek and Latin. They do everything except Aramaic,

which is the dead language that Jesus spoke and that only like a thousand people speak now. They're like, it's too Muslim, we're not gonna learn it. Yeah, it's too close. Yeah, too close, got a lot of. Coptic as far as we go. That's as dark as we allow ourselves. Reggie White learned Greek or Hebrew, which I's as dark as we allow ourselves Reggie white learned

Greek or Hebrew which I always thought was very funny the Reggie who the Packers Yeah, the packers the Packers a tight end or not defensive. I think was a defensive He was really into the Bible that called him the minister of pain and he would he was a huge black guy with a green Mile and he would like knock guys out and go like God bless your brother I'm so sorry And then in the offseason he went to like a Jewish synagogue and there was a bunch of tiny Jews teaching him how to like read Hebrew because he wanted to know more about the good buck.

And then God gave him a fatal heart attack at thirty nine. So he was in the whole thing like a lion, no bear, a lion. Yeah, sure. He's going wild. Oh, boy. Oh, sure. This's going, why don't you buy her? Why don't you share? Just this deep, booming voice. Me and Devin were like crying, laughing, rewatching a Serious Man the other night.

It's so funny. It's so funny. Actually, very pissed off you guys watched a Serious Man without me. Who needed to tell me that was on the table? I think you went home. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think we went to like BJ's brew house and ate a.

Yeah. We ate a Pazooki. And then we watched a. We came back from BJ's. And then we went to... And then we watched Jewish cinema. We've talked about this night more than like anything on earth. What have we talked about on the podcast?

Like a crazy night we had. We went to BJ's brew house in the valley. Let me tell you that. It is... Sad to see what you've become. When I was a kid, I thought it was so fun. It was a place called BJ's I know I was like hey, it's blow job. Yeah, it's blow job

Please do the adults think when they're pulling in no guys in their 40s every Dude the Pazooka's got such a wet pussy The wings of such big kids I think the food is going to suck them up. Dude, the wings have such big tits. Hey BJ, haha. I went ahead and manager I worked for in Burbank, his name was John and he loved BJs for that reason and he would take us all the time. And I just remember, I just have these visions of him

over a table with just this giant blood pressure head just ready to like pop just full like mercury like a thermometer in this big Stein of of ale and just gonna him gonna BJ's and just me in my head being like this man is if I don't can't pay rent it's because of this guy It's guy cackling at the menu of a place we eat at all the time We're literally ahead that's about to pop yeah, I squeeze his head it would Like he swallowed a firework. Yes, like if you made him laugh too much. He would black out and himself off the table he would black out and dump himself off the table. And that's just burned into my brain.

He was the same guy who when I got all that COVID unemployment, he lied to the unemployment office. And I almost owed the California $1,500, $1,000. You were freaking out. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I thought my life was. They were really coming for you. No, there was. Yeah, I thought my life was. They were really coming for you. No, there was a fun four month period

where I was just like, you guys are like, like a brewery in Glendale. I'd be like, well, man, I fucked it all up, guys. I rolled the dice. I think I remember you. I'm actually owing $15,000 out of it. I literally, dude, I literally would like go to like Golden Road brewery with you guys

and I'd be like, be like, well gents, I rode the Das and it's snake ass. I've been fucked it all in. You were like planning on living in the middle of Texas. Like alone. I know. A man who makes 25,000 a year owing the government $15,000.

Literally cannot eat. I know. Yeah, that was a mandatory Christmas party they would go to. You were calling me and I was like, are you thinking about killing yourself? You're like, I'm just having bad thoughts. I'm like, are you actually going to harm yourself? I couldn't think about you weren't you weren't asking me we kind of there was a code I would I would call then I'd be like,

yeah, I've been I've been thinking about moving back to Dallas and that was code for I'm want to put a steel gun in my mouth and Me and the trigger me and Jason we promised each other I don't know maybe like five years ago that either one of us in the heat of a moment was gonna kill ourselves We would call the other. Yeah Hey, I'm gonna do it like you this is your chance now to like you guys actually told each other yeah I mean yeah I think was Ben Ben was doing really badly and I was it was more like just kind of like if anything I think something no it was yeah I killed

himself right oh yeah yeah yeah what was it I don't have a friend that killed him I thought it was after Bane. Oh, Richard? It may have been. Yeah, it may have been we told each other. Because me and Jace have these weird manic, maybe I'm projecting. I get manic, and then I can have depressive moments. No, I'm golden 24-7.

I don't care. I have a baby now. It's fine. I don't get sad. I love that you guys looked at a friend of ours killing himself, and you go, he's really breaking down that break down barriers You know what? Ceiling is gone Richard hanging himself is the best thing that ever happened to us

Fuck yeah, no, we were we're capable very sentimental moments in the end of the moment like that I gave chase my word that you know if You know that if I were to ever, but I haven't really thought about killing myself since I was close to killing myself when I was like 20. Like were you actually gonna do something? Like you were standing on a ledge or you were holding a gun or? I used to, we had these county roads

behind our house in Zascola and I would go like 140 miles per hour down these like one lane, like running through stop signs hoping I either hit a car or like a deer came out in front of me, I hit and the car would just flip and I would do that over and over like trying to die. Yeah, I did some more thing, yeah. I have some other stuff too about like thinking

there were like demons in my house and stuff. I was like living alone, I wasn't talking to people for months on end. Like driving fast. Gaining a bunch of weight. And I thought there were like. Closing your and stuff. I was like living alone, I wasn't talking to people for months on end. I gained a bunch of weight. And I thought they were like. Closing your eyes on the drive. Mm-hmm. Doing the fight club thing.

Yeah, literally like a gay, like the gayest. And I was probably listening to Where Is My Mind by the Pixies. And like. Yeah. Can you imagine the amount of cops who pull up to a suicide and they just playing really hack music. Yeah.

Like they walk and a kid's head is missing and they're like, it's in rainbows. Fucking faggot. Two Chicago Caps. I mean, unfortunately, like a lot of people are close to killing themselves when they're like really gay and young and like, yeah, like your brain doesn't know how to work right. Yeah. You're just you're coming online really for the first time. And you're like, I don't know. It's like back then it's like it's so it's so quiet We're not Norton put the gun in his mouth, but it killed Brad like you're so you're so gullible and susceptible to like yeah

That's what and especially me With everything I was raised in and stuff. So like, you know, I don't think I would ever It's where I'd kill myself or anything. You can't now. Yeah, it's too late. It's too late. You'd be a real dickhead. You'd be like a horrible, genuinely awful person.

We'd have to be, we'd literally be at your funeral being like, I mean, I guess he's, I hope there's a hell in he's in it. Because he's a bad guy. You're like a bad person if you do that. You can't. Yeah, you have to literally wait 18 years before you can kill yourself.

You have a prison sentence, but it's for being alive and making money. Dude, it would smell, if I actually blew my head off, it would smell like masala in here. I'd paint the wall, it'd look like an Indian kitchen. I run up to the stub of your neck and I pull out a fortune and read it. There's basmati rice falling out of my gut.

Like a steamed pot of rice you poured on the floor. Yeah, it's like a soup dumpling came open. I love, I love like on Twitter, like a Anthony Bourdain quote will go viral where he's like, eat in and out and enjoy drinks. Drink every drink. Drink every day and eat in and out. And data pedophile.

Talk to bodega owners and then data pedophile Then kill yourself over there But like there a quote goes viral all the time and then like black Twitter will pick it up and then some black cable Be like did this motherfucker kill himself? Why am I supposed to take advice? I mean, it's very very true and fair kind of fair. Yeah I'll be real. I think I said that because I thought you were going to kill yourself.

I haven't really thought about killing myself in 10 years. I'm totally copping here. I have only the two real instances I really thought I was going to do it. That was like when I was 30. And like literally everything in my life subsequently caved in at the exact same moment. It was kind of insane.

Like 10 horrible things happened all at once and I was kind of like, I don't know, I can do it. That was the only time I was thinking about it. And I was kind of more thinking I would be driving to my job in like fucking Santa Carita and I would just be like, oh, you know, I could like just kind of veer off the side of the mountain. You kind of had like office space, like suicidal thoughts.

You never like planned, you's what's great about it. You never like planned, you never were gonna like actually do it, right? No, I never, I wasn't like fucking AJ, like I didn't have like a cinder block tied around my ankle in a pool or anything. And then in college I was doing really, really bad and I like wasn't ever planning anything,

but like anytime I'd be like on the third store of a building and I would like be like telling myself like, do not jump out the window because I like really thought I was gonna do it because I just felt, I felt insane all the time. Even when I'm doing fine, I don't like being on buildings. Yeah. Because it is just the weird, it's a thought of like,

yeah, everything changes. I have that but it was way more, it was like, oh I was really like wanting to do it, that type of thing. Right. So if you are thinking about killing yourself, my one piece of advice was you probably won't later. That's what actually rocks about being a pussy. Yeah, actually, yeah. Actually, if you're not confrontational,

you won't ever kill yourself. You're just a huge pussy. That's literally true. When my friend killed himself, one of the first childlike thoughts I had was like, that had to hurt. Like I'm like, that is. That's scary.

That must have been scary. I literally was like, I don't even know how did he, I'm afraid to put a gun in my pants. It's, you know, he. How do you get the gumption? He like was on a bike with a gun. I'm like, that's crazy. I would have thought, I would have chedder bobbed myself

on the way to my suicide. I would have shot my cock off. That would have saved you. Sav on the way to my suicide. I would have shot my car. That would have saved you. Saved you as losing your cock. That just is an embarrassing story. Being a pussy is great. Yeah, there's so many advantages to being a pussy. I love it. The amount of.

Yeah, I'm a huge cock, and that's why I'm here today. Yeah, actually. That's why every Marine comes back and they think they're like a big tough guy. And they end up they all kill themselves because You know, they got to show themselves who's boss You know They they they bite that cold steel and they turn the safety off and they close their eyes and let it sing Yeah, cuz they're in yeah, they're in war and they go my my old man taught me you never back down from a challenge

And then they stood up a very brave valiant thing and then they get back and they're like, oh then they stood up, a very brave valiant thing, and then they get back here and they're like, oh, actually my wife fucked a bunch of black guys and like, what if the dog barks too loud, I wanna shoot it in the neck. So now I'm gonna kill myself. It's not worth it.

By the way, that's a great life, is you have a dog, your wife fucks black guys, like you got it made, buddy. Yeah, that's not too bad. It could be worse. Go play Call of Duty and send her a night, a long grocery list to punish her. Go play Call of Duty and enjoy raising LaMelo ball.

Get fat, eat a bunch of ice cream sandwiches, play on the side of Hitler and Call of Duty World War II. Just start going crazy. Say you're not gonna go to church anymore. Yeah. No, I don't. You get to act like a child, basically, and within your own home,

on the condition that she gets to do whatever she wants with her pussy. But you, also, by the way, your friends don't have to know the wiser. You're still a war hero. You still get to go play poker with them and drink whiskey and count the speckles on the ceiling. I would like it if you still had to be like a proud cuck though.

You're like I'm a purple heart veteran and my wife fucks black ass. Well that's what's funny is I feel like those guys are they go oh fuck I think I'm about to cry and like they can feel one tear about to slide down their cheek and they kill themselves instead of just having one moment where they're crying. I've seen literally grown men in real life be about to cry and be like, excuse me. And then they just walk into a bathroom and then they just hear them go, ah!

Ah! Ah! Then they walk up, they go, pardon me for that, I am sorry. Ah. Just can't let it happen. Ah, fuck, I'm so fucking fat. You actually are developing, like, you kind of,

that's part of chicken. That's a gut. That's the best part of the gym You have a gut. I don't I'm wearing a car It's awesome I kind of like it. It's kind of awesome. Like I mean like that's rule. You're dead. I'm a huge pussy I'm a huge faggot. I'm like I'm like a girl bad Like I cry like holding my daughter cuz I think she's so awesome. Nobody gives a shit, you know

I'm eating butter chicken all the time. I'm like trying to write a novel like I suck I suck on so many levels so I should kill myself I suck on so many levels so bad. I should kill myself. I just realized I should walk into the ocean tonight. You're one of the tertiary characters from Mad Men spinning out in like season five. We don't joining a cold. Yeah, we don't see him for four episodes. And then they come back and they're like, oh, he's fat.

And he's writing a novel, I guess. That's what's funny is like, I am very happy at living my best life. Yeah, good. But that's the thing is like some people do live their best life. But they just suck ass. Yeah. And when left to their own devices, they will be gay. And that is me. That's why I'm a gay guy. That's why I get so jealous when I'm like, you know, when we talk about like,

why are we so angry when we're at Walmart and we see a guy who looks like a beetle, you know, in a Kid Rock t-shirt. Be like, oh, they got the cold Krispy Kremes. And he's like, he's waddling to the self-checkout. And I'm mad because he's happy. You know? He's a genius, actually. That's what I'm saying.

That's why I'm mad. You're actually retarded. I'm a hater. I'm a hater and a retard. You go to therapy, you get prescribed medications. You are gay. I know, I should have stayed in Texas, I should have became a cop,

and I should have just been just being the shit out of teenagers. Yeah, you know, that just sounds great. Just black teenagers. Taking it out on my wife, drinking a lot. That's why we hate you. You Anton Yelchin yourself in the driveway one night. I...

I... And your Ford Raptor. I, yeah. way when I Ford Raptor Draft is in my suicide note one day I Go, honey. I bet 20k on Kevin Durant I'm gonna Anton Yelchin myself in my squad car. I really think like cuz that is the whole Cuz I don't mean to shit on Marines and stuff

I mean we were talking about like we're strepo and stuff and all that Before this before we started the episode But I don't mean to shit on them But my whole takeaway from full metal jacket and everyone agrees that the first part of full metal jackets the best part is the first half Yeah, with private pile and stuff I love the movie as a whole though a lot of a lot of people who love Kubrick say only the first half is good I'd completely that's you were just really sad to see a school shooter take himself out. Yeah I'm like damn you could have done wonders over there

You're like show me how to get the pussy you could have got over there Show me an Asian woman getting narked. Oh, he would have private pile would have ripped them in half over there He would have fucked more than animal mother. Yeah, but and by the way, Adam Baldwin is great in that. He's fantastic. He should be in more stuff. But. He got shot on set. On the set of Full Metal Jacket.

Yeah. Arlie Emery called him gay and shot him. Alec was there. Oh Alec, yeah. Come on, Jess, keep up. I'm not a fan of this comedy stuff. Like even Kubrick makes a nod to it with like a duality like What is that some kind of joke when he sees the peace symbol and the born to kill on his on his helmet?

He goes, what is that some kind of joke? He goes, it's a young Ian thing, sir. The duality of man, sir. Yeah, cuz like Joker's like kind of like Joker kind of sucks. Yeah, kind's a youngie and thanks sir, the duality of man sir. Because like Joker's like kind of, like Joker kind of sucks. Kind of a little bit. No he sucks because he's doing Jim Halpert and it's like, well you could have just like gone to Canada faggot. Dude I'm really glad you said that

because like his John Wayne impression sucks and that doesn't make you funny because you go, is that you John Wayne? Is this me? Joker's the guy when you start a new job they go, oh Matthew is so funny And you just know this you hear that all day, you know the second you meet him You're gonna want to drive his face face through a set of blinds

You're gonna want to choke him to death with a printer drown him under the water cooler exactly but my whole my whole thing is like there seems to be some sort of like he merges the evil with the The peace symbol and stuff at the end Like he seems to emerge everything at the end when he kills the lady. Remember he kills the sniper lady Yeah, but my whole thing is at the beginning with project pile as they actually do He says his job is to turn them all into killers Yeah, he's trying to prepare them for war so they don't die when they get over there But the problem is project pile. He has such he's a he's a private pile them for war so they don't die when they get over there, but the problem is project pile

He has such he's a private pile private pile. He's like me. He's hiding donuts in his treasure chest. He's like retarded He doesn't understand what it is, but yet. He is a savant. He is a great shot They he does turn him into a killer the problem is it's mindless Yeah, he turns him into killer, and then he kills himself, basically. But he's supposed to kill the enemy, but he doesn't fucking understand it because he's like a big fat cuck who just wants to eat donuts.

So what I'm saying is it's like round peg square hole kind of situation. That was my takeaway from it with Kubrick with the whole beginning. Not about film connoisseur or anything, and I'm a retard. That's part of it is like, Pyle, Private Pyle isn't like a complete dumbass.

Like he can shoot very well, he seems intelligent. No, he's retarded. He's just a retarded fat guy in the Marines, where he doesn't belong. He's big country, basically. Yeah, and he can be a symptom for people trying to fit into something they do not belong to. Did Kubrick have him be named Pile because of the Gomer Pile?

I think kind of. That's why early Ermey named him it because he gave him it as his nickname. Oh, right. OK. Because he gave he's like your private, your snowball, your OK. Drops K and Hard R at the very beginning of the movie, by the way, which is crazy because like he got to write his own script and he's like, I got it from here. Yeah, I get it. Hey, it is great. They're not even fighting those people.

I know. I know. You're killing Asian people the whole movie, you're still thinking about it. Would you come home and defend, you need to defend your house from black people. Breaking in. Now Kubrick, there's a story that Kubrick had to ask him

what a reach around was when they filmed that famous monologue Doesn't know You from New York you tell me That was cubric being way too overcompensating. He's like, I don't even know what that is. I don't know what tunnels are under New York City Was even Jewish joke work. I don't know, was Kilberg Jewish? He was Jewish. He was probably Jewish. He was Jewish.

He wanted to make a Holocaust film, but he never did, because Spielberg dunked on his ass with Schindler's List. He was actually working on a Holocaust movie for 10 years, and then Schindler's List, he literally saw Schindler's List, and he goes, ah, damn it, and they just threw everything out.

Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. Which I never seen, by the way, I need to watch that. Schindler's List? Schindler's List, yeah Which I knew I've never seen by the way I need to watch that well Schiller's list Schiller's list Yeah, I haven't seen it in 20 years, so I don't have any memory But I heard it's really funny. Yeah, I want to check it out. Yeah. Yeah a movie of the month everyone go watch It's about a Nazi going shopping He's got a list my My the reason I want. OK, Sauerkraut. We need that. I'll turn off some of those. Yeah.

Call his wife. Any what type of schnitzel do you use? My whole point being is I'm happy I'm a pussy because if you tried to turn me into a killer, I'd probably just kill myself. But since I'm a pussy, it protects me me from that because people do get PTSD like Marines They cut they they like marks Luttrell like imagine you go over to Afghanistan and nothing happens You lie about being a war hero you come back home. Yeah You uh, you do Joe Rogan a bunch then you put a rifle in your mouth like private pile in your garage You try to start your own kick-ass coffee, doesn't pick off and then you kill yourself.

Yeah, well I think there's a common thing where people really believe that being brave will lead to some type of reward and it doesn't actually. In fact, usually it puts you in more peril. Wow, yeah, it's better to be a coward. Yeah, because people, I mean we know in our whole life the amount of open mics I've been at with people being like, well I just,

I always wanted to be a comedian and that's why I moved from in the middle of Oklahoma And I just had to be brave and take that big I had to take a shot of myself and then they go up and then they're like the worst Comedian you've ever seen in your life and then you know that was 2015 I check in I'm on 2024 and it's like oh They're like having only fans where nobody subs to and you know, it's completely destroyed their entire life. I love being a scaredy, I think I've admitted this before,

if I was in war, I know you're not supposed to do this, like when the enemy's approaching, they say hold the line. I totally wouldn't hold the line at all. I would start running so fast. I would literally be. I'd immediately pretend to be dead. The minute battle starts.

You'd shoot yourself between the ribs in a non-vital spot. Yeah, yeah. I would literally go into battle with a German uniform in my knapsack just in case I need to pretend. Well, that is the funny thing about Marcus Luttrell is that he's the same guy. The lone survivor guy.

The lone survivor guy that Mark Wahlberg thought was a hero so much that we had to make a movie about him. And then you read, I literally, I just watched Lone Survivor, I was telling him about it. It kicks ass. And then you're like, wow, this is a crazy story. And then I went online and there was marine forums where they're like, fuck Marcus Latrell, little bitch ass.

And there was comments like he was found with not a single bullet fired from his gun. So, literally. He landed, he said it was 140 people that were surrounding him. It was eight. And there was like comments like he was found with like not a single bullet fired from his gun. So He landed he said it was 140 people that were surrounding him. It was a it was a 25 people yeah, 25 people. Yeah, it's all fake. It's such a funny movie It's so watch loads or it's so funny because the whole thing is like it's like supposed to be this inspirational thing where they're like We're under it's like you were like landed there dude. It's like they're right You're there. Yeah, like defend your property type thing and then the whole there's a big scene where they bring the helicopter in to save them And everything and there's a triumph of music and immediately just an RPG just shoots the helicopter and it explodes

Everybody they're like 25 people die Trying to say like four people Yeah, and every that's not me being a cuck. Look it up. Every like person who knows Marine shit says those guys are like fucking retards. You're gonna get called a cuck for that. I am gonna get called a cuck.

Dude, there's one guy just in a fucking home weight room in his garage just fucking seething right now. Dude, but by the, here's the thing. Here's like, you did not talk about my superheroes like that. That's my Marvel, Don't talk about them. They were retired 21 year olds who were killing Muslims in a pointless war.

For money. Cock, cock, cock. Proud cock. Who Jets doesn't want to bomb Palestine? I never said that. I'm just anti-Jew. Okay, you're based again. I'm based, that's good.

I, full disclaimer though, when I watch military movies and there's a guy who's like super jacked and he's like amazing at killing people and stuff, I'm like fuck, I wish that was me. I'm like yeah, 100%. Like I wish I was like Chris Kyle.

Yeah, yeah, no, that's awesome. That's why propaganda works, because you're like, that guy is so cool, I bet his dick's huge and he gets tons of pussy. I bet he doesn't have labored breathing into his microphone as he's trying to podcast. Yeah, and then you go like, you know what, I will go sign up for the military,

because that guy was really jacked on my TV. I wanted go sign up for the military because that guy was really jacked on my TV I wanted to sign up for the military for a really long time And I'd wander around army surplus stores like buying ammo for rifles. I didn't I couldn't afford thank God You were too much of a coward to do it That's it's great to because literally mom would be changing your diaper right now you in the military you'd have crab hands Oh, don't knock knock it I'd be great in the military terrible dude I'd be really good now they'd send you like out into the mine fields to like find them real quick with those little robots they send out there no dude

like first of all I would I'd be the best Marine of all first of all already used to eat fucked up bills like that like be like make beans You join the military for the MREs I've heard about these things. I heard it warms up with just some hot water They find you in the chow hall eating all the potatoes they They peeled like I love the benefits of being in the armed forces. I get to eat dog food. Uh, first of all, yeah, uh, I look good in green. Green's a good color. You do good in green.

I hate brown people. I hate brown. I am. I am racist. You are extremely racist. You have to be racist in the armed forces to like, that's how you like, it's like golfing at a company. It's like how you network. You walk up to the generals and you be racist around them. There's a secret about white people, if you are working for a very nice company during the interview,

the final question is like, do you, you hate black people, right? And you're like, totally. I'm gonna need you to sign this here. Just as you hate black people, right? And you're like totally. I'm gonna need you to sign this here. Just as I hate black people? Period, nothing else. And then a signature. It's just for our records. That's just in case you try to not be racist later. In case we're trying to let a couple jokes

fly amongst boys. And get this, chain smoke. That is true. Yeah, you would fit in with that. Here's the thing though, I don't know if, because it used to be, in the movies, they were always passing out cigarettes, they have ration kits in Vietnam and stuff.

I don't know if you fight in, where are we fighting now? Where are we fighting? Are we somewhere? I imagine. Okay, let's say we're still in Afghanistan, which we're not, right? I think if you're over there now I don't think they just hand you a carton of like American Spirit blues or something they won't do that for you anymore So then you can like put one here, and then wrap it up and then yeah, no duffle bag

No, you just have to like charge your vape. I guess They must be they you go into like the town and you like rape one of the women and steal their cigarettes And you smoke that I think that's what you do like ooh Turkish delights nice nice beautiful. You leave her chained to the bed mm-hmm The only bed in the village yeah, you guys have a bed in this village for me to all your women And then you go can I also get a pack of smokes And they you're buying cigs with it there instead're Joe Camel, it's a big sexy camel, like a lady camel they all wanna fuck.

Dude, you know what sucks about getting fat too, is I keep uncontrollably farting when I'm laughing or standing up. Oh God, you're like an old lady getting up off her lazy boy. She's powered by farts. Are you guys fucking sweating? Fuck me. No.

I am sweating, I wanted to say no, but I am obviously sweating, yeah. Fuck man. You are, man, this is, it's sweating? Fuck me. No. I am sweating. I wanted to say no, but I am obviously sweating. Fuck man. Yeah. You are, man. I feel like I'm in a John Ford movie right now. This is crazy to look at. I feel like I'm in a John Ford film. Is your dick getting obese too?

It looks like it's gaining weight. Dude, my dick feels like it's getting fatter too. Mm-hmm. And the blood fills in properly in it. It's like an old garden hose. Yeah. Yeah, it's like blowing up a raft It unfolds at this end I feel like a you know when puppies are really fat and you put them on their back Yeah, and they have like a little weenie sticking up with the hair on it

You know if you push their belly hard enough, they'll just throw up everywhere That's kind of how I feel right now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Man, thank God you're not the you're not the wife. You'd be fucking drinking your own titty milk. Just pulling you. You would you would keep getting pregnant so you could keep drinking your own milk. Your kids starving to death.

Ha ha ha. Pouring chocolate sauce in your mouth Making yeah taking taking the kid to the doctor cuz she's underway. You're like, I don't know. I guess I'm just trying I don't know what's going on. What sucked is I watched a Rio Bravo this week and I was like man No one I'm like, I'm the I'd be the fattest person in this movie by far. There's nobody fat Well, you're not Walter Brennan fat quite yet Is he fat in it? Yeah

Yeah, yeah John Wayne was like probably like one of the fatter people in those Westerns Yeah, I think was like using like a girdle for a little bit even you can tell it's like fucking spanked in there Yeah, you know he kind of got typecast John Wayne, huh? You don't really see him in anything, but uh like a Western you never ever played a social worker in Harlem He didn't really have rain Your benefits are late cuz you didn't sign up on the date You know he played one non cowboy role do you know what it was what he played a gangus Khan he played an Asian guy

That's true, but he plays I forget the name of the movie, but it's a he plays gangus Connie has the Fu Manchu and he's like ching-jong pilgrim Genghis John And that's how he died That movie was filmed on a radioactive test site Are you serious? That's how I got cancer not from cigarettes or no, no, no the cigarettes were fine I get lung cancer

If you look at that film with something like 85% of like the people who worked on that film like died of cancer Yeah, because it was on like just Geiger counters going crazy, but nobody knew at the time. They tested atom bombs there Yeah, oh wow yeah damn he could have so he got cancer doing Basically doing the slitty eyes thing and then he got cancer from a lot longer anytime. I'm on a southwest flight I always envisioned like cuz they always envision, because all the planes are from the 40s, they don't update their planes. Every time I'm gonna see him, I'm like, I bet John Wayne yelled about Cherokee people right there.

Yeah. The, by the way, just on the record, Quentin Tarantino is a fucking retard and Rio Bravo sucks ass. I gotta re-edit that movie with that stupid bitch with the tits out of the movie completely. I don't care that John Wayne's trying to get sucked off the whole movie.

Every scene with the woman sucks and makes no sense. What's even crazier is he's not trying to get sucked off. It's literally Angie Dickinson talks to John Wayne for 35 seconds and she goes, I'll blow up my whole life so I can maybe get his calm one day. And she's literally like, she just destroys everything. She's like, I'll work at the bar

if I can suck him off one time, please. All those movies have 15 minute meaningless scenes with women being like, well, it just, it's so, it takes away from the whole movie. It's also funny, the movie ends and he's like going to like go get his girl, Angie Dickinson and he walks into her room and she's wearing like this stripper outfit.

And he's like, why are you wearing that? And she just goes, I wanted you to know I was a big whore. Do you still want me? I was a big slap. I was full of common dick. Do you still want me? Huh? Fuck you.

I had balls on my face. I was footage as two five guys at a time. You still want this hand check? They shoehorned me. I hit the Japanese man's shit on me. I usually black ass dribbin' me like a basketball. You still want this, Jack? And then there's the big scene where he goes,

well, I can look past you being a dirty whore. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll love you. And then he throws the stripper tights out the window. And Walter Brennan catches them. Walter Brennan catches them and starts Me and Dean Martin are ready to burn down. Well, God damn it, nobody's watching Brendan. Nobody let Stumpy get laid.

Hey, we ain't gonna let Stumpy feel her pussy with God. Well, Duke, let Stumpy get some flapping suckers there. I've been farting this whole time. It smells like shit. I'm so sorry. I got so fat I can't keep the riffs going. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. Oh, fuck. That was a good one. I've been wanting to talk about Rio Bravo all day. Dude, fuck Rio Bravo.

All the other stuff. The hour 20 is great if you just edit out the whole thing. I'm going to be like, oh, fuck. I'm going to be about Rio Bravo all day. You fuck Rio Bravo. All the other stuff, the hour 20 is great if you just edit out that dumb horror. It should be an hour long. Yeah, it really should.

Because the whole movie's just like, they're holed up in a jail and they fight off the town. And even out of the hour, there's seven minutes where Dean Martin's just singing while he's laying down. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic and I beat my wife. I call Sammy Davis Jr. a block. I think Sammy Davis Jr. was like their OJ at the time.

Dude, he was literally like a pet that they like kept around. Is he in the movie? No. No, no, no, no, no. He wouldn't be in that movie. Unless they needed to build something. I think I know now in What I think I know now in summary any movie Quentin Tarantino recommends does suck. Yeah, it dude It's every time he recommended a lot of

Legends I've noticed as the older I get legends have terrible days He they don't have enough time I guess to take to take away from their own, what they know, how they do stuff. And so they just have bad taste. He said Unstoppable is one of the best movies of all time. I watched it and I was like, this is a piece of shit. It sucks.

It's like fine. It sucks ass. It's not that good. Oh, with Denzel? Yeah, and he thinks. Denzel's great. He thinks Dunkirk has the greatest scene in movie history. With the bombs are coming.

Oh wow. I hate it. I don't get why that is. I don't know what we're talking about. Dunkirk stinks. He said it's the greatest shot in all of cinema. He's laying in the sand and then there's bombs coming. And you see the sand flying.

Dunkirk sucks. Dunkirk sucks. Dunkirk sucks. Yeah, I didn't like it. Christopher Nolan's bad. Yeah. Christopher Nolan's a, he's good at shooting and all and makes movies for average moviegoers to feel like they're a part of something and that they like are oh my God, I get movies. Yeah, this is for guys who go my favorite John is like twisted movies that seven. Yeah, I'm twisted

He shoots good stuff. Fortunately, he's inspiring the next generation. Apparently everybody at film school just wants to make Fortunately, he's inspiring the next generation. Apparently, everybody at film school just wants to make Christopher Nolan movies. He shoots good stuff technically, but he has such fucking autism that his movies come across like you're playing with Legos. Yes. People that think, Christopher Nolan makes movies

for the guy you went to high school with who had a good football career. It was like a moron that could barely read, and then he realized football's not like he can't make it. So then he segues off into like, I'm gonna work in film. And then he starts talking to you about Inception and Christopher Nolan. He's like, I love film.

You're like, oh, I just got the Criterion Channel. He's like, what is that? I get film. I get film. You know, sometimes in movies, you can make the whole thing a dream. Whoa, these movies are not color. He makes movies for people that sincerely go, mind fuck. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it What are you talking about? You might as well tweet it, tell it to Paul Schrader. Jesus Christ. That guy, he tells everybody every conversation he's ever had. I love him. Dude, what are you him tweeting?

Here's a conversation with my friend Rob, and the context says Rob, huge cock, Pasadena. That's a real Facebook puss. He's beautiful. Now it's, cause it was gonna be like a Brad Pitt, it was a Cliff Booth movie supposedly, Dunham was telling me, and it was gonna kick ass. Sounded like it was gonna be really cool,

and I hope he still makes it at some point when he gets over this bullshit. No one wants to see you make plays, Quentin. But he's in Tel Aviv in his apartment, right in Horseshit. Yeah. He's over in Tel Aviv, you know. Tel Aviv.

Who knows what she's, the Israeli singer, who knows what she's, she's like. His wife. A Grimmer Wormtongue. I mean, God knows how he's gonna influence. I mean, you know, he's become the Pale King. Yeah. He's sitting there on his throne.

Yeah. He's becoming. Yeah, that'd be funny. This whole thing about 10 movies and everything. The Iron. Why, because there's 10 candles on the menorah, Jack? The Iron Dome is giving like 20 minute monologues. Yeah, they're writing the N-word on bombs.

Yeah, dead Palestinian storage. A dead Arab storage, yeah. You come to me with a baby minus its head in the trunk. It's your judge fault that blows a Palestinian baby's in the trunk Yeah, what do you think I'm not gonna and then he blows the baby's head off and then they go oh good We were gonna do that anyway We got to clean up the stroller Look at the look at the big look at the big brain on a Benjamin look on the big brain on Brett Gellman Brain on Benjamin The big look at the big brain on a Benjamin look on the big brain on Brett Gellman

Look at the big brain on Brett Gellman Devin at hey watch pod Jace at sad dogs by Jace patron.com slash lemon party for more episodes and stuff. Lemon Party Clips channel for all the live streams, boys. And you guys have to anything else to say? No, I'm good. Yep. Golden Golden. All right. From the river to the sea. Devon Devon.

Bad. All right. See you guys next week. Here we go Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina Music would eyes of Bolita, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. My love was deep for this Mexican maid, I was in, wild as the West Texas wind.