lemonparty - 085: I'm not a normal man

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

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You go, hey buddy, do you want just you got a Zen you good you good okay I'm gonna turn the lights off all right and then you sneak in and you shove another six milligrams right in my lip you got sweet dreams my little. Giving a zit to your baby. Your baby's like, this shit's buzzing. It's a full baby with the broccoli haircut. Is that an upper decky? I'm gonna do some prank videos today in the hood. Saturdays are for the babies.

What is this, man. What is this music? It's lovely. What is that? Is it Yoshi? Yeah, it's calm Nintendo games music to finish the day. This is, I'm pretty sure this is what in cell people they put on, you know, when they're really thinking about splitting their wrists. Yeah, this is like, yeah, this is like yoga to themselves.

They go in a cold dark room And they watch Yoshi staring at a son a pixelated Yoshi pixelated Yoshi sitting on a whole pixelated image. Yeah, yeah, it stinks Kill yourself if this provides you any satisfaction kill yourself this calms me down Devin after Really after a long day of not being called are you Are you the type of guy that actually really enjoy this? Yeah dude. It sadders you? I love how there's a beautiful sunset right outside your door. You can go look at it.

But instead you're watching Yoshi watch the sunset. I want to live inside Nintendo. That would be fun. Ben was the first guy I ever met that I realized didn't listen to actual music. He listened to remixes where it was like all it's like Shrek singing like yeah smash man not star not chopped and screwed remixes like no like yeah like a crazy person on the internet put together like yeah like Fleetwood Mac mixed with the new Super Mario movie here's Elliott Smith combined with

Nyan Cat yes he would drive around delivering Postmates. He'd pick me up, because I'm a huge fucking loser too, and he'd pick me up and I was right around him. You guys were both big losers, yeah. I was working at a job that made me wanna put my head in the toilet every day. But yet I still looked at you like you were Warren Buffett. I know.

I would show up at the dive bar, I'd get off of work, and I'd walk in with my tie. I thought you were rich. I know, I go two beers for my boys. There's three of you there. You guys are like, oh my God, just spread the wealth. In one of the most expensive cities in the country, you were making $35,000 a year.

I was making $52,000 a year and I thought I was completely rich. An amount of money that if the Patreon went to that tomorrow, I would move, I would burn my apartment and my stupid cats down, I'd block my girlfriend, and I'd move to the middle of the country to just like hunt worms for a living.

In a shack in Missouri somewhere. You'd hunt worms? What does that even mean? Why is that your dream? That's the only, it's not my dream, it's all the hope has been crushed on me so much, I have to go for a level of life that's so low I'm almost algae.

You get into the bait and tackle business. I'm American algae growing on the side of a rock. Right. Yeah. I get it, man. I'm gonna sell soil. Just in front, it's not even, you haven I get it, man. Yeah, I'm going to sell soil. Just in front. It's not even you haven't picked it out of the earth. You're just like, you're like, look at this. It's pretty good. That's pretty good.

That's some red shit right there. Can I show you guys some cool ass fucking shit? Please. Sure. Please. I have been waiting for you to show us some cool ass fucking shit. New Ben Avery. What I just Google the girls panties We all just get we all just get boners, we all get a little like 12 year old kid boners That we have to jerk off by going like that with the index finger What are you gonna show show us, Ben?

Did you guys see Michael Richards went on the video? Oh, I heard about that. I thought you were about to play the Laugh Factory set like we haven't seen it. Did he call Whoopi Goldberg? You see, throughout the segment, his chair slowly inches further and further away from whoopee. You think if I turn the quality to like one Like 240p then it'll be low enough that YouTube doesn't cuz sometimes YouTube sees on the TV Keep it low. Whatever if they fucking we'll put it on the patreon patreon.com So slim and point is they rip this shit down. Why does whoopee Goldberg look like the last of the Mohicans over there?

I didn't know that that's her new, man. Her new look. Yeah. I've seen her on the back of a nickel before. She was she really looks crazy. She looks like she's trying to fly. The views, the views. Yes. OK. We Michael and I. He's like, you motherfuckers. As soon as she immediately.. As soon as she opens it.

Immediately. Right. Oh man, I love the cover of his book, by the way. It's so funny. He looks like he was a president who wrote his autobiography. And not the funny man who said the N-word too many times. It's just his face. It's the guy that used to bust into a door being wacky

and then yell the N-word. It's like Ronald McDonald who went on a racist rant. Fucking relax. Ronald McDonald wrote a book called My Journey Through Hell. The new book from Grimace. And a picture of him on the back with his arms, one hand under his chin. Wow.

Before 10 years ago, in San Diego, California. Whoopi Goldberg looks like she plays for the Knicks. She looks like the Predator's mom. She looks insane. Yeah. She's also like mentally retarded. Is she? As are all these women. I mean, I'm not going to single her out, but.

Sonny Hostin's the one that has like all the confidence. Cause she was like, I don't know. She was like a prosecutor and like used to like send. Is she the blonde bitch? Which one is she? No, Sonny Hostin's the one to the right of Michael Richards. She's the, yeah that one. That one.

She always talks like really like self-righteous and indignant about shit, but she's like a fucking moron. I think was a, I'm wrong all the time in the show, but like I'm pretty sure, I think she was like a prosecutor or something. And it's very funny when you get to get, be indignant about politics and you used to like

just send people away to prison for hundreds of years. And there's definitely a few innocent people in there. Let me tell you something, sir. Black people belong in jails. I literally thought she was Ava Longoria, I'm not kidding. Oh yeah, she kind of does look like her a little bit. A little Longoria. All right, let's start with this Michael Richards.

All right, well obviously Whoopi's gonna lead off the of Mike. I got you Mm-hmm. I got you right Michael Michael. I'm gonna bring you in We knew you were coming from Michael they are and yeah Michael a Man who ate my pussy. I talked him into doing blackface and ruin his career So, you know, I'm down with the cause whoopies got a bunch of like mammy So, you know I'm down with the cause. Whoopi's got a bunch of like mammy memorabilia in her home. She has a bunch of racist statues of black people

eating watermelon and making cotton. Does she thinks they're statues of her? That's why she puts them around her. Yeah, yeah. She's like a fan gave me this. She's like, this is from the movie Ghost and it's big red. It's like an old southern barbecue chain from the 20s.

She's a sick pup. What was that movie she made with the nun? Oh, a sister act. Sister act was very good. Well, you know, the story of her sister act. What's, what's up, Jay? Sorry. What's up? Let's take that again. Go ahead, Jay. And we're taking that. Sister acted that you pipe in cheers and applause. Should have been called sister acts. Yeah. Hey, there we go.

Yeah. Acts. You're backed into a corner and then you shot a three point right out of it. Sister act is the is the name that fat Joe's allowed to call it by. The Mexicans are allowed to say sister, not sister, though. She would Ted Danson at the Friday's roast in like 1992, she convinced him, it was the roast of Whoopi Goldberg and she convinced him to come out in blackface with the big white lips and the big white gloves

and it like ruined his career. Those jeers. Oh, I didn't, yeah, cause I've seen those photos of him. He went like, he did like Haitian face. It was insane what he did. He got very specific with it. Yeah, man. He also wore glasses with blackface,

which is just kind of funny to me. Like you're like, I'm kind of a smart guy doing blackface. Right, like a sophisticated blackface. Yeah, that's good. Reading slurs off of a scroll. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. These N words, indubitably.

Let's see, because we'll be obviously she's not going to have them on a trash. The guy. No, she loves some Michael Richards. They're all in the same group. Michael Richards like like like they know, I mean, like like Hollywood. I don't mean like, you know, no, we're not talking about black people. We're talking about Jewish pedophiles in Hollywood. Listen, I thought Devin was talking about people who hate black people. You're saying they're all no, no, no. I'm saying it's the, it's the,

it's the, it's the beast of Hollywood where it's like Michael, right? The whoopie Goldberg was like, he was on side. Like give him a pass. It's like that thing. Yeah. It's the whole like Seinfeld having him on David Letterman. He's like, stop laughing. Stop laughing. It's not funny. It's not funny. Yeah. It was like so embarrassing. Yeah. But Michael Richards like was, is like, has been fine.

He was in Curb. They made fun of it. Larry, Larry wrote like a great plot for him. He keeps crucifying himself for some reason. Nobody cares. Relax. You're Kramer. Geez.

We love Kramer. Yes. Five years ago, in San Diego, California, and we've seen each other in bits and pieces, but it's been a very long time. But like you were the Coney 2012 guy that started jacking off through the streets of San Diego, right?

Do you remember that guy? Oh, yeah. He did the Coney 2012 video and then like two months later lost his mind. It was running around jacking off in San Diego naked And his defense was that was me. I was not jacking off. I was just hard. That was his defense He goes I never touched it. I maybe slapped it once but that doesn't count That I'm not a monster him and Martin Lawrence are the only two guys I've heard of doing something like that

Running through the streets naked saying like they're trying to kill me They're trying to kill me. Yeah How come Michael Richards looks like my cousin Vinnie here when he went and got a suit at a thrift store before he's opening statements What is that awful burgundy suit he's wearing? That is yeah, he looks like an old hotel. That's about to burn down boy That sucks ass he goes well and my dress shirt is from it's a motel six bedspread He goes, well, and my dress shirt is from, it's a Motel 6 bedspread. They'd had the public eye for quite a while, so welcome back, man.

She goes, she plays dumb, she goes, so what happened? Where have you been? Where have you been? They play the crib and she goes, oh my God! We could not have him on the show, I did not know about this. Dude, it's actually crazy how much they lambast people on this show and they act like people are vicious racists

and whatever and he's like, the clip of him is so insane. He's screaming in the end. He's saying they should be hung up by trees. It's crazy. That's crazy, dude. They have so many people on the show and they treat them like utter shit and they fucking they they willfully

Misrepresent what they mean. Well, wait, he was here is defense in this cuz he's gonna talk about it immediately. Yeah, of course He was a little of it. Can I also point out he was so racist. It was captured on a razor in 2005 yes, yes, that's right. You have to be very racist Yeah, a guy literally like opened his phone and figured out how to use the camera for the first time to film the N words. All right, here we go. Let's hear him out though. I mean, you know, he's been to hell and back. It was now the time to write this book. Oh, um, well,

a kind of inspiration. He keeps saying it. Revealing myself and getting to know myself, uh, kind of inspiration. He just keeps saying it. In the face of revealing myself and getting to know myself better than ever. The guy who puts the laugh mic on him keeps going, let me test this, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. At 74. So it's a journey through myself. Through myself as an artist.

They're biding time until they say, and they bring up the N-word thing. Right. Which was a big character to sit in the midst of. Character, he's already emphasizing character. Pay very close attention to this. And it's sort of entrances and exits. It's a great title for your book.

Oh, thank you. Well, Shakespeare. Joe Behar is like, I play character too. I'm like a retort. That's the only thing. Yeah, yeah. I'm like a loud, retarded Jew. I'm like a retarded Jew, you know? We all have characters. I'm a human bagel. With shitty hair.

All those moments that define us. The moments that define us. I believe, I don't believe in cancel culture. I believe in consequence culture. And you take a lot of consequences. Cancel culture? You take a lot of consequences. I believe I don't believe in cancel culture You take a lot of consequences she goes I believe in consequence culture racial tirade on stage factory back in

2006 His eyes are closed, he can't even move. He's losing his mind. It's like he's like, yes, I'm going back to me on stage at the Laugh Factory high out of my mind on an eight ball. It does look like he is remembering like a shot of heroin he did one time, and he's like, God, that was such a good night. That was so good. You know, I finally got to tell everyone

my true feelings about him. Kind of like he had to go to rehab for saying the N word. Yes. Yes. It's the only thing that got him off. It's it's it's him. And like, it's crazy that he like in the 2000s, he would just go and like, get a sack. Yeah. And then go on stage and scream the N word. And there was no definitive proof that it ever happened. Yeah. You could just do that every night. Yeah.

I remember the big claim about that was that, they were like, he was doing a lot of cocaine at that time. Yeah, yeah. As you know, cocaine makes you say the things you really think about people. It's like, dude, I mean, I've seen a lot of movies, these characters doing cocaine, they're never just screaming it.

There's a montage in Boogie Nights where they're just screaming the N-word. Yeah, like the last half of Goodfellas is Henry Hale like, look, look at the sky. There's an N word. Yeah, Scarface just like say hello to my little boy. Just what were you thinking? What happened? He goes, well, I was looking at people that look a little bit like you. And I thought I was at the NBA All-Star game.

He starts describing what happens for like the folks at home. It is very funny. Watch how it goes into this. You know, it's funny is like literally half of the audience is genuinely retarded house moms drinking gravy. They're like, what did happen to Kramer? Yeah, they don't know. They go, he said that. Well, what's wrong with that?

Well, I'm on stage with a microphone in my hand. Oh God, why is this happening? Late at night. I love the late at night thing. It's very late. He goes, one could say it was the darkest hour of the night The witching out we know what I mean by that man in the audience Made an announcement I'm I'm not funny. He doesn't think I'm very funny and I came back

Now first I must say look I'm not a normal man What's he turning into Woody Allen This is great my kind of comedy and Certainly, I could never have created a character like what is he there without being a slightly touched I went into character. And I work in a comedy club environment where the N-word is used a lot. And I decided I would let it loose. Wait, but, but, but.

Let it loose. I swear this is not a video I made. His defense is literally like, listen, I said it a lot more times than that. He's also conflating the fact that he's saying, I heard black comics would say it, you know, the way that they say it. And he's like, well, this is the same thing

when I scream at a black man that he's a actual head-sweeper. He should be hung up by a tree. It's because I became Kramer, famously racist Kramer. Everyone knows Kramer used to bust through that door and just say it. Everyone remembers Kramer at the Puerto Rican Day Parade having a real freak out, saying get him off the streets. Accused, Devin accused me, be like,

just accused me of being racist. I think you're a vicious racist. Devon, I am not a normal man. You should know that about me, I'm a bit touched. Everyone knows I've been a bit touched. I've been touched. Jesus Christ, who molested you, fucking Uncle Ben? It's such an amazing defense of I'm not a normal man.

I say he's trying to act like he's like, I'm a very impromptu guy. And sometimes you reach for those trees. He's amazingly gifted. He's a brilliant guy. Michael Rich is an unbelievably talented dude. Kramer is an incredible character. And if you watch that show, it's amazing.

Seinfeld's unbelievable a UHF He's amazing in that. I don't know what that you what the weird out. It's a weird out movie He's very good in it. I don't know sure mm-hmm. I don't know that he's he's Kramer. He's always crying Yeah, he kicks ass. He's gonna be Kramer forever. Hey guys We got everybody's favorite sponsor back on the show if you want to see stars You need the vacuum glide bylide by AutoBlow. Take a look at that fine device right there, gentlemen. It's classified as a male milking machine and it's the world's most pleasurable machine

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That's code Lemon 50 at FactorMeals.com slash Lemon 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active. Thank you, Factor. Those days are over. Oh yeah, so he says. It's not used anymore. Oh, here we go. It's not used anymore. Whoa, here we go.

Let it loose. So he says he's gonna let it. And I decided I would let it loose. And. It's not used anymore. Those days are over. For me, they certainly are, yeah. He goes, well.

He goes, I had to. Can't keep that word down, brother. He goes, I, he goes, I had to. Can't keep that word down, brother. He goes, I had to turn in my N-word pass. He's like, the word is alive and well, my friend. Some could say I tried to expedite my passport. I have laid down my sword, but the war is still out there in the streets. Joy Mayhard is also so out of touch and retarded.

She's like, what those days are, like she used to fucking say it all the time Yeah, not helping at all. Not sure Retarded boomer retards. Mm-hmm. Jesus. Do you know also he had to have like said it at least once since it happened Like just for his own sake like sanity. How do you look at the backlash? I keep saying it I like to think he just went into a room one day and he was just blowing over and he just like opened the closet door and just whispered it into the closet.

Yeah, like he thought it was his last one. Yeah. Like he's hurling. He's like, oh, yeah, it's like smoking. He's like, all right, my last one and then I'm done. No more. This is the last time. It's Christmas, I'm stressed, but no more after this.

Wait, the cancel culture, I He has a patch on his shoulder. It's a nicotine patch but the end is way bigger. For me they certainly are. Yeah by the way cancel culture I canceled myself. He was about to say cancel codes. Yeah I'm out of there. When that rage came about... There was rage. Well, sure. But we're saying you're not funny. Yeah, and the rage is channeled into a character.

Of course. I am trying to talk. 13% of the population. They do 50% of the heckles. You understand. And that got me deeper into hell. That's not a right word to use, is it? Well, I felt I got hit, so I'm hitting back.

That person went low, I'm going lower. I'm very emotional about it. You see, I can still, after 18 years, you can feel the... The pure hate! For that man! So he's Maybe it's because I'm Italian. For that man. Maybe you are... So he's blaming it on being Italian right here. This is one of my favorite parts.

That is actually his best excuse so far. So far, yeah. Isn't he a Jew? I think he's like Jewish-Italian. Who cares? Whatever. The passion that I am, maybe it's because I'm Italian. Maybe...

You are? Yeah. But also because I'm... They abducted me. Hey, no mother, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Italian maybe you are yeah You still got it he's still got it still got it give him a door to burst I'm Italian I almost said mulatto. I mean, in a sense that I tried, but it went to hell. It was heroic. It was heroic. He goes, it was heroic.

That was his slip up in his head. He has so many tells, it's so funny. He has a slip up in his head, he goes, it was a heroic moment. He goes, horrific, I meant, horrific. Heroic, if you notice they did leave without paying our tipping, so I had to show them. He goes, you know, it's hard to come up with words

of talking to a mullet. I mean a muffulette. I mean an eggplant. Eggplant, nightshade, charcoal, no, charcoal's in my barbecue. It's a nightshade, charcoal, no, charcoal's in my barbecue. Anybody with a brain can see he's doing a terrible job right now. I have no idea why he even brought,

why he agreed to this. Dude, people have honestly forgot, kind of. He could have just easily gone on and done and been a normal. 18 years. What is he promoting? His book, his memoir. Entrances and Exits.

It's called Entrances and Exits, which is a Shakespeare reference. Okay, right. So he could have just done that and not even brought this up at all. In the book, he would have had to talk about it. Oh, of course, it's somewhere in the book. It's a chapter.

But if you're gonna sit down with a bunch of- It's a big chapter, I'm sure. It's the shortest chapter, and it's just, it's just, I had a really good day. Next. Oh, God. I learned something from this, don't I? Oh, indeed, indeed.

Indeed. Do you still have that rage in you, that you had that night? Anger is still around. God, look at Whoopi Goldberg my fur I went personal personal then I started seeing it collectively and the rage behind the wars And I'm there in a club making war on my fellow man Making war on my fellow man, oh man, I would have loved if he came out and he was like Wakanda forever.

Getty up. He hops on the back of Whoopi, he goes, getty up. I've been reading Malcolm X, Jerry. He just walks out, he jumps on Whoopi's back, he goes, ah, a Clydesdale. Yeah, feeding her a sugar cube. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, it's okay.

Jerry, I'm doing the view. He's only, if I was doing this, first of all, I'd be so, I mean, I would be begging them at this point, I'd be like, don't, I'm like, we're not live, right? I'm like, don't air this, I first of all, I'd be so I mean, I would be begging them at this point. I'd be like, don't. I'm like, we're not live, right? I'm like, don't hear this. Please. Right. Or just let me come out again.

And I said it was a heroic night. They were like, we're airing and you go, I'll do I'll do something really bad. If you hear this, the blood's on your hands. Whatever I do to people. Because, you know, as PR person is like, you did a great job. You did. Other than saying it was a heroic night on accident at one point.

His PR guy's behind the camera just spinning the top off of a flask and drinking it. Spitting the top so hard it flies on the ground. It's for me after that. Yeah, well it can go into tragedy, yeah. In addition to heavy moments, you also write out some of the highs of your life and obviously nine seasons on Seinfeld If I could talk some more about the n-word, yeah a little bit he goes he goes you have nine seasons on the Seinfeld

Let's see if whoopie starts talk, I don't know if whoopie brings it up again I don't know if whoopie brings it up again. I cannot get away from this. But what a compliment. You're his favorite memory when you think of that whole nine season, that whole. Yeah, so he's about to tell whoopie he loved her on the Seahawks. I think they should have given you the ball on that one yard line. What a great Super Bowl run whoopie. You would have wanted it if they just gave you the ball, Whoopi. It's an honor to talk to the great Richard Scherb.

Yeah. He midway through the interview, he goes, Oh, Whoopi, by the way, I brought a gift in these slide skittles across the table. You love Applebee's, right? What's that guy's name? He goes, by the way, Whoopi,

I'm really sorry about Red Lobster and them going bankrupt. Whoopi, who was the football player that loved Applebee's, right? What's that guy's name? He goes, by the way, Whoopi, I'm really sorry about Red Lobster and them going bankrupt. Whoopi, who was the football player that loved Applebee's? I was trying to remember his name. The running back, Marshawn Lynch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Marshawn Lynch. Yeah, he goes, Marshawn Lynch, who I hate saying that last name. I'm so, so sorry.

But we can all see Whoopi is going into beast mode. He thinks Whoopi's are running back in the NFL. Much like, much like, much like Whoopi. What was Pete Carroll thinking when he didn't give you the ball at the goal line? Much like, much like Russell Wilson, I really dropped the ball when I screamed the N word. Are we still recording? Much like Russell Wilson, I really dropped the ball when I screamed the N word Will be the way you stiffed armed that

Free safety in the same way. I stiff armed dignity and respect for my fellow black man So clearly the segment is going the way they wanted it to go whoopies bringing in the racist stuff Halfway through the white lady brings up, but you had an amazing career on Seinfeld. You had nine seasons. You had nine seasons and blah, blah, blah. And then it's gonna come back. It's gonna come back.

Whoopi's taking us out, so I wanna see if she. Oh, Whoopi's been waiting. You think she douses in with kerosene? Well, I don't know, I mean. Yeah, like it's her, this is like Home alone too. Michael, it's time for your final penance before the nation and then he climbs in a big wicker man statue and they burn him to death. Let's see the last minute here. How they how they exit this disaster. It's

really good to see you after all these years. They need the black woman saying that obviously. Sometimes we walk and we step and stuff and it happens and it happens and it happens to all of us. Glass houses. You took yourself away and did it. Well, then it will be like not long ago, say like that, like the Holocaust wasn't like a thing or something. Yeah, she got caught in the whole the Jews versus black things of twenty twenty one. Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she got Irving.

She was like, I was talking to Deshaun Jackson the other day. Yeah. And he made some good points about those ships. And I was on all the smoke with Matt Barnes and Steven Jackson. Joy Behar tried to put a bit in my mouth the other day, like a horse.

Welcome back. That's what I want to say. Welcome back. He just what I want to say. Welcome back. He just did the whole, he did the fucking chest hard thing. Mr. Fezziwig and I played Mrs. Fezziwig. And yes we did. On stage in Christmas Carol. A long time.

But it's really good to see it. He leaves it and he goes, and I was, during that play I was scared of some different spooks, am I right? Oh, I'm sorry! Entrances and exits is available now and I recommend it to you all and I also recommend it in audible because he's reading it. And there's something to be said. He's reading it. He's reading it. He's reading it.

So do yourself a favor, grab this book. Yeah. He's doing the audio recording. And they go, now Michael, you have a cough button for a reason, make sure to use that. Man. Wow. That was great, right?

That was brutal. That ruled. That was so much worse than if they asked him like what happened? He goes, oh I just hate black people and I think they go to hell when they die. That would be better. What is the general consensus like in the comments?

Like what are the comments saying? This didn't even get that many views, man. You think it would do a number, but. You know, Michael Rich' 15 minutes is up. I love this whole narrative. Michael Richards' biggest problem is that he's not a stand-up comedian. He's a comedic actor.

They're two completely different skill sets. He just wasn't very funny at the comedy club, but give him a character to play and he's hysterical. It is funny that they're like, yeah, he was just fucking, he was green. Like he was... You know, they say you need ten years before you stop saying the anywhere.

He was early in the stand up. I need to be like Michael Richards. He's wet behind the years. These Mexicans coming into the country. I remember the whole narrative afterwards was like, you know, he was on a lot of coke and stuff and I'm like, yeah, okay. I mean, does that make people just do that I Honestly, I don't I give him a pass

It's been a long time and he's like repented a lot and I what he did on a on curb was it was a great way To really that one Ben. Yeah, that's actually very funny and true This guy's never seen anyone from the view forgive anyone before remember when norm went on to apologize for saying a retard Yeah for saying it was retarded that he said the word retard? Because he had to apologize twice. He had to apologize for also defending Louie and stuff. And he was popping Xanax the whole interview. Well, I think he went if I remember correctly, Norm went on Stern and apologized for saying retarded.

And he goes to say the easy word like that. You have to have like Down syndrome or something. And then he got even more trouble for that and then he had to go on the view and apologize for his apology for saying you'd have to have down syndrome and say retarded yeah yeah I think that's what happened and they like they ostrich they they got very they got very mad at him Barbara Walters hated him I think he was popping Xanax did you see him keep kept reaching under the table in that interviews popping? He's kind of nervous and shifting Yeah, he loves it Barbara Walters is a piece of shit

Yeah She was probably hot back in the day though You just everyone just says that because they don't want to do it now She was their name Barbara wah-wah, but it was like not ooh, I looked her up I typed in Barbara Walters young she was not that attractive now. She kind of looked like a fucking Mexican street dog in a big wig. He looked awful Dude, this is a you want to put like to heen on her and put a popsicle stick up her ass. Yeah Roll her around in a bit to heen. Yeah, I want to cook her over a campfire like I'm a cowboy.

I caught a prairie dog. This is my favorite. It's just the Seinfeld fan. But does he turn his book into a coffee table? There was an episode where I'm a coffee table book. That's a coffee table. Yeah, I'm aware. My heart broke listening to him talking, knowing none of us are perfect and that he was so humbled by his error in judgment. I love calling it an error in judgment too.

And they did all caps, welcome back Michael Richards. Welcome back. Guys, welcome him back in, give him a hand. Welcome back. Out of all the meltdowns of celebrities over the past 20 years, he kind of has welcome back. Shia LaBeouf is probably welcome back. Michael Rich is like it's Biggie's funeral, but it's like, but it's like big. He's alive. They're like, they're just blasting music and all these black

people and fucking like Brooklyn. To contain crack commandments. Crips and Bloods are like shake hands like that. There was a truce picnic. This one is killing me. He was crying at the end when he thanked Whoopi. As a black woman, I paused to watch the rap because I'd never seen it. It was awful.

Just terrible. But I'd be lying if I said I can't see the deep remorse in this man's life. Honestly, like I'm happy that he's the thing in this and because I'm like, wow, I guess you could really like get away with that like You know at least as long as you are really sad Yeah, I had it flocked yourself on TV for like 20 years straight or fine Yeah, and I get it they should be I mean like it was you know that was like a weird thing Where he you know some feeling it was a bit much. It was a bit much

Yeah, and it was odd. Who knows where it came from? I couldn't I could never imagine. I honestly the only thing I can imagine ever be in his position. I can imagine maybe saying the first thing like, you know, crazy. Yeah, just the once. And then be like, whoa, what? I'd be like, I'm sorry. What the fuck?

I'm sorry, everybody. fuck? I'm sorry everybody. I would start yelling at things like, my career is over, oh no! I like shit myself, I'm like pissing. You with the phone, I'll suck your dick right now, give me the phone, I'll suck your fucking dick till you come! Definitely couldn't imagine doubling down on it. So here's a very funny thing, his publicist was like,

so you're going on Fox News because that's how you're going to sell the most copies, right? I know he's doing a whole tour of this. Right. Watch he goes on the Fox News interview. He goes, I had a great time. I regret nothing. There's no way. He's on Chessy Waters talking about it. There's no way they bring it up, right? Of course they do. You think they do? Yes. We've been playing clips from the show for as long as we've been on the air. Our favorite character? Obviously Kramer. Because he hates bless.

I'm Cosmo, Terry. I'm Cosmo Kramer. And that's who I'm gonna be. From now on, I'm Cosmo. The bus is out of control. Why are they showing clips of Seinfeld like no one's seen it? Because honestly, a lot of people nowadays have no clue what Seinfeld is. Seriously? I thought it was like the biggest show still.

Think about young people. Also, half of this audience is like 75 year olds. Young people aren't watching Fox News. Well, a lot of them are. No, they are. I know a couple. There's a lot of these like young Republican fags. Oh, the bow tie guys that drink pee.

Young leftist fags. Yeah. But whatever reason being into politics is like cool now to like young retarded people. Oh, the bow tie guys that drink pee. Young leftist fags. Yeah. But whatever reason being into politics is like cool now to like young retarded people. Yes, it is. There's no way. Look at that fucking retard that like promotes Biden all the time. That dipshit. That kid. Which one? The kid. The the by he's like he like works for Harry Styles or the Harry.

Oh, the kid with the long nails and the like trans makeup. He's like a handsome fucking little twink guy that like is like a big Biden guy. You've seen him. I think I've seen him. I want to kill him with a claymore. You know, those big swords that Aragorn has. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go. I didn't know. Yeah. Then cut that down the middle.

Yeah. I'd love to tie him up to the to the front of my like post apocalyptic truck and drive through the desert as a guy like plays guitar. The middle yeah, I'd love to tie him up to the to the front of my like post-apocalyptic Truck and drive through the desert as a guy like plays guitar And dragon toes you stomp on a chain yeah, yeah just a spine Yeah Center he took himself out of the limelight 16 years. He did not take himself out Why is the narrative that he walked away? He did not walk away He got kicked the fuck out Anything on TV when it happened entrances and exits. Okay, I just want to see

Wait, wait, hold on now called entrances and exits and he joins me now Michael have you ever even seen Jesse Waters' prime time? No, just a little. I was catching up on you to get ready for this, but you know, I've been moving and spinning and getting into this. You think he'd never been on camera before. By the way, I just saw some of that footage.

Yeah, he's terrible. I really can't top that. I think that's enough. We don't expect you to. Okay, so here's what's so funny. If you just look at it down here, Michael Richards on playing Kramer, I don't think they talk about the N word at all. No, they do.

They're gonna. Nah. Scroll, let's see the Chevron. If we committed to that, our friendship came out of. No, he can't not bring it up. He's obsessed with bringing it up. It's gotta be during the comedy today. It's like his main thing.

Does he talk about how comedy does have like balls today? On the day is it? Oh, here we go. It's going to take me through. Are they like, is comedy is it to neutered? Let's get it. Other words to do is to do other. Is there a lot of N words that is ruining comedy? Well, correctness is killing.

Political. Nerd. Asking him about political correctness on Fox News is the funniest premise for a sketch of all time. Now, Harvey Weinstein, have they gone to his face? He's going to go like pretty good. But agree he's doing the De Niro pretty good. Yes.

Nero pretty good. Yes. Oh, I don't know. People are just being more sensitive about what we're saying about each other, which I think is a good thing. And I comedy is coming out of it. In a sense, isn't it? It sure is the way the comics below screen just tightening barbed wire around his leg, like first reformed. It's archetypal. It's everywhere. It's still going to be with us.

And it's it's alive. It's alive. You served in the military. They're going to talk. They're not going to talk about the inward at the lab factory, but they do talk about how he was like in the Navy or something. Incredible. Fucking unbelievable. Well, what are you gonna do?

I bet they bring it up at some point. Dude, Jesse Waters isn't gonna do that. He's not gonna do that to him. They just talk about like. I don't think he brings it up. I think Kramer himself brings it up. Cause he can't, he doesn't seem to be able to not bring it up.

I mean, they vaguely like speak about it but no one I think they were sir look thank you for not asking about his comedy club incident oh wow I'm I am tired of seeing it coming up in every interview with Michael enough is enough this guy watched every interview following Michael Richards around the internet like he's fish yeah Yeah, literally with a. You're just camping out. And he's got a white board behind him to mark every time he had to talk about the N-word.

This is awesome. He's one of the best things that ever happened. Yeah. Did he do more stuff? He's going on every, he's doing everything. I canceled myself. Wait, what? Yeah, you went on the Today Show.

He's on the today show. The today show. There's a guy in the, in the crowd just holding up the N word behind him through the glass. He's holding up a big speech bubble near his head. He talked to Hoda about it on the today show. Damn. I canceled myself. How did he cancel himself? I hope he goes on the breakfast club to talk to Charlemagne. He sits down. He's like a do-rag. He pulls out hot sauce like Hillary Clinton.

Charlemagne goes, now start the interview real quick. You faggot. You fuck dudes. You suck farts out of a booty hole. You like butts, Kramer. It's a Little Wayne nine motherfucking he get pussy He get like some chicken head. Yeah, I guess he did like oh, yes

But this is all this is all calculated this is what they do Yeah, this is what they do probably stuck you to rain uranium rod up his ass for a year to get prostate cancer. Now we're just gonna have to give you a little bit of cancer, Michael, is what it is. Just a little bit. Just let us shove this tube up your rectum. Now I guarantee you he was on a call with like nine guys at CAA or wherever he's repped. We're just gonna have to give you

a little bit of cancer, Michael. We make that announcement, the cancer goes away. Well you go on the view first, Joy Behar will be a real cunt to you, but after that it's all smooth sailing. Water's will is going to be like a day at the sea. Just floating. God bless him. I'm glad he's back.

I'm glad he's back. Same. I do wish he... He shouldn't have exiled himself forever. People clearly don't really give a shit. What was he going gonna do though? He should've gone on Adam Carolla's podcast and become his sidekick. I think that would've been cool as hell.

Think of comics that don't give up. Think of Rogan. Rogan went on his rant about Carlos Mencia and got kicked out of the comedy story. He got banned. He got banned by Mitzi Shore herself and Joe didn't let that keep him down. He got his good friend Brian red band and they started a podcast That's now one of the biggest a comedy podcast in the entire world. Actually. Yeah, that's true Mike what did Michael Richards do he went away into hiding and wrote a book? Yeah

Did the same thing? That's right Yep. Oh, that's really why they they had to cancel I love to hear Michael Richards in 2004 talk about going to see Planet of the Apes and Philly That would have been an interesting time Yeah, too bad. Too, too bad. By the way, Michael Richards, if he did that same set on kill Tony, he'd be like a he'd be a regular. He'd be David Lucas.

He further book tour does David. This is his podcast. David Lucas is just stealing Michael Richards. Laugh Factory like vibes. Yeah, he's on his pockets. He goes, he goes, Kramer, I owe you everything. I owe you my whole career. They're fishing.

Yeah. I was 16 years old. I saw the tape. I said, I'm gonna tap dance for white people one day. Michael Richards catches a fish and calls it the N-word. It's a catch, call, and release. He just really hurts the fish's Fucking asshole piece of shit

Fuck him speaking of a racist place as we were from I Me and Jace actually grew up in like Clarendon, Texas in the Panhandle For we moved every three to four years. You guys lived in like a million different places. I have no clue where you guys lived. We were in the Hats, whatever the chimney in Texas. Yeah, the shitty part.

It's like, this is good Oklahoma already. It's one of those, right? It kinda looks like a testing strip for like drugs or something. Sure, yeah, it looks like a keto strip. Yeah, that's what it is. Right, because it does turn brown in the winter. It does, it looks like a keto strip Cuz it does it does turn brown in the winter it does it turns different from animals and then people die It never turns the color you want with the keto strip because you know no one can keep their hands off bread. It's

We actually didn't know there was meat. We only ate bread for those three years. We lived in the panhandle It's very funny one part of Texas looks like a taint. One part looks like yarn pit. The other, then the edge kind of looks like a burned victim's skin. Yeah, it's fucked up, yeah. They named it the panhandle because that's what everybody eats out of.

Just big pans with handles. Oh yeah. Oh, I guess they do call call it is that why they call it the panhandle cuz looks like a handle of a cast-iron skillet or something I never made that connection yeah that's why are you being serious right now yeah that's why mom and dad moved us there they said our children are fat enough we have to move or it's the handle of the pan that you sift through gold for I thought they named it after like panhandlers, like a guy who's like a panhandler,

like a guy who looks like the thing you grab. Yeah, it's like the handle of a pan. Yeah, that's why it's named that. Yeah. How did I know that? Not you. I mean, what do I know? I mean, hey, don't ask me. Every time I know something, you should ask me how I know that yeah, you know everything about the Kramer in word a laugh Yeah, that's true. But our beef is over

We have yeah fake beef is done. We've decided to end it. I've retired the beef. Mm-hmm and then ate it I don't know if you have it's funny that Devin is retiring the beef as soon as I start losing weight The week I start losing weight. He's like, oh, I'm done with the beef now Well, you don't want to acknowledge that I that I look better start losing weight, the week I start losing weight, he's like, oh, I'm done with the beef now. Because you don't want to acknowledge that I look better than I did. I don't know what you're talking about. Your legs still look huge.

I didn't know you were losing weight. You look like the same fat fuck I've been making fun of for two months. I'm losing weight. Personally, I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't eat dinner anymore. I find it tired. I find it tired.

You find it tired. It's a tired egg. Well, good. I'm glad you find it tiring. And I'm sure you're tired. Yeah. From digesting. Yeah.

I saw you eat a sandwich full of Flamin' Hot Cheetos earlier today. Devin, I'm not kidding. You left to go to the bathroom. Devin told me about the Hot Cheeto sandwich you ate. You said that shit behind my back? Fuck you. Yeah, I'm not kidding you left to go to the bathroom Devon told me about the hot Cheeto sandwich you ate You said that shit behind my back fuck you He told me like he saw you shooting up behind a closed door It went oh, sorry Devon was the one who wanted to order fats out. Yeah, but I got like I haven't had

A sandwich. I got a tuna sub. Yeah, it's like you got I didn't know you ordered you order He got extra tuna on it and then he only half and he acted like he only ate half It's like bitch. You got double the sandwich Carnival food in between bread can I ask you a question? Did the sandwich come with the cheetos on it or did you separately add that on top? No it came with it Okay, but it also had like jalapeno bites like cheddar bites in it with like cheese It was it was a sandwich that had like mozzarella sticks and like Flamin' Hot Cheetos like in it. It's literally the sandwich you like food guys post on Instagram reels and the comments say fuck you. Yeah yeah

no it was I didn't mean I'm not trying listen like I said the beef's over I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah truce truce. Devin says thevin's over but I'm still hungry Devin's waving the white flag and then Ben's taking that and tying it into a bib. I was gonna say where we grew up in Clarendon Texas I was looking at real estate in Clarendon which is very funny and then I just did you know we grew up in Clarendon, Texas. I was looking at real estate in Clarendon, which is very funny. And then I just, did you know we grew up next to this place that's called the, it's called the barbed wire museum? Hold on, let me make it up. Are you serious?

Wait, really? I swear to God, yeah. Let me see, let me make sure I'm not telling a tale out of school. Is it actually what you're saying? Like it's all about different types of barbed wire? It's gotta be that. It's literally got to be that.

And this one was on Jesus's head. The Jews put it on his head. Yeah, I swear to God, cause I was looking at a map of it, trying to figure out where we lived when I was three. Yeah. Look at the map of where we fucking lived. Saints Roost Museum, Best Western Plus. Rue's museum, best western plus.

So it was called St. Rue's museum. Apparently people that were like on the Oregon Trail or whatever, they went to Clarendon to roost to get sober or something. Or like people from the war were sitting here to get sober. It's called St. Rue's. It's very strange. Confederate soldiers went there to die like how cats go under porches to get away from people It's literally it's such a small dipshit place. You literally live on like you like my house is on

276 State Highway, they don't have names for it. Oh, man, dude. It's like not showing up on the fucking map now Hold on. It's called like the devil's. Oh, you see it. Oh, sorry the barbed wire No, yeah, you lost clear, but it's also like it's in the hold on. Okay. Hold on panhandle of Texas. Let's go to Google I'm a barbed wire barbed wire museum Clarendon Clarendon Our dad was from Whit Harrell, Texas, okay That's how retarded they are devil's. That's how retarded they are. Devil's Rope. That's how retarded they are. They called it the Devil's Rope.

You know what they called it? That was too many retarded West Texas guys just got stuck in the barbed wire and died. Just bled out like cattle. And there's the devil. You walk out and Jim Bob's just all fucking cut up in the thing. So here's Jason, it's up the road in McLean,

right by Clarendon, right? Okay, so I didn't know we grew up next to this the thing. So here's just it's up the road and McLean right by Clarendon, right? Okay, so I didn't know we grew up next to this fucking thing God But I was reading reviews of it and I was like crying laughing. I was fucking crying the museum. It's just barbed wire Yeah That was said we were pleasantly surprised at the quality of the barbed wire. That's the one I fucking was crying. We were, I'm gonna blow that up, maybe they'll be able to see it.

It's the funniest thing. We were pleasantly surprised at the quality of the barbed wire. Oh my God. It's amazing. This is where we grew up, there was nothing to do. We were were people are Going here as a destination to look at barbed wire. It also means the guy went there being like I bet they got shit barbed wire

And he's walking through he goes well To the the the gate museum Also the the the comment above lots of hand on hands on exhibit. Good place to check out some history. So people are literally like grabbing barbed wire and shredding their hands. One guy just goes, spent an hour here. Enjoyed it. Look at this picture out in front of it. It says tribute to barbed. Oh, my God. God, what is going on?

That's crazy. I've been like fucking crying laughing. This is like a, it's like a successful place that has been open for a long time. I'm sure it's the biggest attraction in town. People come from six miles. God bless Texas, dude. It's a never ending gift.

Yeah. It just, it's like, it's like a magician's when he keeps pulling, just keeps pulling the rope out of his arm. But it's just,'s like it's like a magician's when he keeps pulling just keeps pulling the rope out of his arm But it's just every handkerchief is covered in more and more shit. Oh my god I haven't even looked at the one star reviews yet. Yeah, I'd love to see that like I got better barred wire at home Fuck this place. Yeah, look Timmy dad We went there and he got snaked into baby Timmy daddy and they wouldn't let us even keep the exhibit to bury him in man

Every review starts with like wow Wow Yeah, guys bought guys bought internet to post these reviews a lot of these reviews. They're getting the like wording wrong They're going this town ass kiss My nurse is tapping this for me, but this place rules. Yeah, every every day. Love it. It's all five stars. Five stars down the line. Oh, look at this.

Wait, wait, wait. Unfortunately, they were closed when we came through. They were closed when we came through. But we got we got a front picture, building picture, and we'll try to come back, five stars. They're gonna try to come back. So he didn't make it in, and he gave it a five star. We're gonna try to come back, we're from Miami.

We're gonna drive down again. We don't have a car, we walked here. Look what Laurel Cartwright said. Lots of barbed wire, everything made out of it, and all different types. Unbelievable, Laurel Cartwright, kill yourself. Please blow your head off soon. What if you're going through the pictures posted

and they're just like pictures of dead dogs they accidentally uploaded. I'm trying to see if like some guy had a bad experience there. I think if you go to the top, you can click on one star reviews. This guy says, if you enjoy history, stop. Check out the pictures from the dust storms.

He's actually telling you to stop enjoying history. They lied. There's a little diner there? Yeah, there's a fake cafe inside. A fake cafe. Oh, you can't even. Yeah, which they just tear to pieces once they realize there's no food This is the only one star review from Angie Spiegel

We are on a cross-country road trip and thought this would be a cute place to stop We arrived at 345 but the door was locked and the woman inside mouthed to me that they were closed even though the door clearly Said they were open until four we can tell time and Just wanted to dash through there real quick. What apparently they don't understand what it means to provide good customer service Fuck the barbed wire museum That's I mean on You guys are miracles. You're both miracle babies Can you go up to that kid right there the the picture of the kid in the the wigger hat

That guy right there Oh, yeah, I guess we shouldn't yeah Yeah, yeah, damn it can't calm can't calm stupid and dumb even though he is You wanted me to pull up out an 11 year old and roast him. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, but his travel baseball team where they go and just put Ben pull up a Cl 11 year old and roast them. Yeah. Yeah, on his travel baseball team where they go and just put. Ben pull up a Clarendon preschool. Let's look at these little red darts.

Here we go, this is the only other bad review. It is the Barbed Wire Museum. Doggy style kennel, Charlotte, North Carolina. Two stars. So I did read the reviews of how they were closed until March. Well, it is May. Ha ha ha ham. here and the place is still not open. Not sure if they look at when their peak season

is for business to open it or maybe they feel not too many people come early. If that is the case, then they need to update the hours online if they will be open later on during the day, I would have loved to get information and slack insight on this place. Somebody's like, somebody's having sleepless nights over the bar bar museum.

They're like, whoa, I have no clue what I was at. I know it was May cause the big rock in town went to the big pond and that means it's May. Past the solstice. I guess it's possible people have been there on YouTube, right, and like filmed it. You could send people like that, like, pictures of, like, buildings and be like,

have you ever seen this before? They go, what now? They go, what? They made a big anthill for people? They go, you ever had sushi? They go, I've had goldfish. Shut the fuck up, faggot. I think this old, I think this old crazy, insanely owns it.

Let me see. The Devil's Rope Museum. What kind of reactions do you guys get when people come in? They were crazy. Anita Sini grew up in McLean. She's like a Texas chainsaw massacre lady. I'm leather faces, mommy. There's a big, I'm not the faces, my man. There's a big, I'm breastfed, Lily face.

Yeah. And the gift shop, there's a big trap door where you slide into a big oven and we kick you. We just surprise each other. God. And she's partial to her. OK, so it is what I thought it is. It's barbed wire on the wall. Yep. With descriptions of the barbed wire. Yeah, that's the fucking thing.

It's literally like this is the St. Christopher's not barbed wire. This is one of those places where even the most bored person on earth on a road trip walks in and they look and they go, what? And they leave. They don't know. It's like the no one cares. It's like, have you been in like the screw aisle and Home Depot? Sure. Yeah. Like it's it's like saying that's a museum.

Like, here's the here's the I went to Home Depot. The museum. It's people that go to Home Depot and they watch the paint be be be shaked. And they go and they go. They go. They go. Wow. Six Flags kicks ass. That's what they did to me when I was a baby in mommy's tummy. Yeah, I guess people like drive like toilets that they put wheels on.

I haven't been on Goliath, but I've watched the paint shake at Home Depot. My my dying wish was I made my son get his CDL lashes and he hauled my bed down to the barbed wire museum Yeah, there's people that I mean like look at this guy well I stopped over here I don't even know how it's that low quality I can't even this is guys like the toy box killer or something on a road trip This guy has women in storage containers in Arizona. Oh man, these guys are great. I've been laughing about this for days. That is so funny. A guy making a fucking Mr. Beast thumbnail for the Devil's Rope. There's a big ball of it the devil's Rope Museum otherwise known as barbed wire Here's director

About 850 to 70 of these are pat Do this one of the old guy from Napoleon Dynamite. That shoots the cow with a double-tailed dragon. Our friend there had one over here there. Why? But this is actually a big part of our history. And the invention of barbed wire in the 1870s changed the prairie. So real quick Ben, just to give us some actual context.

Sure, sure. Like this is, cause I'm losing my... He's killing me! Oh that guy's a Satanist by the way. Ben just to give us some actual context Guys a Satanist by the way, there's like a complete say that guy left the shop and he opened a big black umbrella Yeah, he goes my mama actually fucked a billy goat. That's why I got this beard Because I'm actually a salt goat I'm a hybrid if you take this hat off my brains will fall out He goes now I could you know, I could I could climb 90 degree angles I became obsessed with barbed wire because you kept me trapped on the farm where I was raised Okay, so real quick Excuse me. It's my lunch and then he pours a bunch of grain out of

a bucket and starts eating it off the ground. So, okay, real quick. I just had a thought where I'm like, barbed wire is only a thing in Texas. And it's only like a historical thing because it's ranch. It was to divide properties and keep cattle in and stuff. Right? That's why it's a special way. You couldn't build like a solid fence for like 900 square unless you were like Chinese to me This is I don't know the LA version. It's like the doorknob factory. It's a doorknob See, that's the thing. I know it's the it's the gate music. It's like no, that's more interesting gates are more interesting Doorkno Gates are more interesting. Door knobs are more interesting. No, but they're coming from the cowboy aspect of barbed wire

being around for like hundreds of years to keep cattle in. And, you know, like to divide your property from the other the savages. Right. Why didn't mom take us here, by the way? Hmm. We mom never took us. Because you guys were to slit your wrists. It was also it was too fun for our existence. That was too good. The bar bar.

She's like the it's got the word devil in it. We cannot go. Oh, yeah, you're probably right. Yeah, devils are up. I probably wouldn't freaked out. Yeah. Mostly about keeping cattle in or keeping, you know, the rustlers out. Well, it depends on whether you were a farmer trying to protect your crops or whether you were a rancher.

This guy's swallowing his teeth as he talks. Now today, you couldn't drive down the road without bar bar fences because you'd be hitting cattle every 50 yards. That's not a hearing aid, that's a rock that got stuck in his ear when he was a kid. Thank you. And his head just grew around it. It's just the pebble. This actually, this is a cork that keeps my spinal fluid in my skull. Yeah.

Wow. Oh, they have merch. Yeah. Dude, we need to get, we need to order some shirts. Oh, you think the Devil's Robe has like an actual website? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure Let me see. I'm gonna go to about it's gonna be like the X files website from 1997 Wheelchair accessible good for kids their website has the dancing baby from Ally McBeal on it I think every place in Texas is wheelchair accessible. They don't have a

Yeah, I guess every place would ever they go out of business and be like Devil's Rope, Texas But the Devil's Rope Museum, Texas, there's probably a town called Devil's Rope, Texas They probably that they call that because they lynched a bunch of Mexican people there They probably that they called that because they lynched a bunch of Mexican people there Yeah, there's nothing Diablo. There's a Facebook group for sure. Those places don't have websites. They do It's got a Wikipedia page. Mm-hmm. The Wikipedia page just says why did you Google this? It says kill yourself Yeah, there's no way I wish there was a website or somehow we can like get in touch with them But no, I'm people who know the people who go there literally think Facebook is the internet. Yeah, they think it's Google

They think they logged on eBay. Yeah Wow pretty good pretty good shit crazy, that's great stuff man I want to interview that guy the Billy Goat cowboy. It you know, you think here's the weird thing about Texas. You think it's so like basic and you got it. And it never ends, though. No, it's an endless. It's kind of like our Australia. It's where there's like an outback.

There's like the coast. It's amazing. It's a beautiful thing. I'm not kidding. Like I always feel like I'm like, yeah, I know everything about Texas. They're retarded and Trump burger and all these things and they get it guns and all the cattle But now you just keep and then you find out there's a whole museum Barbed wire you figure out there's towns in Texas where they can't it's white people who can't speak English Yeah, they still speak German. Yeah, because they never left and nobody ever came there's German counties. Yep. Yep Yeah, you guys are coastal elitist though. I these are my kind of people and I think they're actually smarter

You'll be living across from the Devil's Rope Museum pretty soon. Mm-hmm Taking a covered wagon to do the podcast. Hmm ride a big chicken. Yeah, I'm riding a big chicken to California I'm riding a chicken like Yoshi California. Big chicken event. I'm riding a chicken like Yoshi. Yeah, you're having a whiff. Yeah! It shits out an egg, I get off, I eat it, I get back on.

Yeah, you're in a wheelbarrow. It's that scene in True Grit when Jeff Bridges is going and it's like the starry, starry sky. Come on! But I'm whipping a chicken. You have to shoot it halfway. To shoot the chicken in the head. You're in a wheelbarrow being pulled by eight feral hogs. Yeah, I did a rod like snow dogs

Yeah, like you're in a big Eskimo park. I like doing the long way out of a young girl You've started to mentor was like bit by you know a fence If I moved to the panhandle of Texas and I I would never see you or your family ever again. Mm-hmm, you're separated. If I became like snow dogs but for the Panhandle of Texas where I have eight feral hogs that I've trained and I've taught to eat out of my hand like squirrels, like very delicately and stuff,

God, that would be the greatest, what act of my of my life would be the greatest second act of my life? I guess because I'm I'm about at the end of the first act, right? In the beginning of the second. This is 31. Yeah, this is part two. Yeah, it's it's snow bunny dogs and your your stagecoach is being pulled by a bunch of fat ass white women, just gigantic white women. And black guys are chasing you. They're like the Native Americans. It's like a John Ford movie. Exactly.

You're firing over your behind your back with a Winchester. I haven't seen any of the Mad Max movies. Is that what's going on the whole time? Kind of. When they're racing across the desert, it's like a bunch of pogs are pulling a guy in blackface. You know what? You're not that far off.

You're not that far off. I like it. No, they have the pogs that they're milking in theface. You know what? Not that you're not that far off. I like it. They have the pogs that they're milking in the tower. They're not. Oh, yeah, they do have pogs in the towers that they milk. Thank you. For milk. I never forgot about those models. There's always there's like there's like seven supermodels that are like in a truck.

Zoe Kravitz is one of them. Yeah. Yeah. I just I want to see Furiosa, but I haven't seen the first Mad Max or any of the Mad Max's So I don't know what it is Furiosa's kind of should have been the first one thing. Yeah, it's like a separate wall actually It's actually a pretty so you should watch that first. I'll see it. Okay. I'll see with you. I see it tonight It's kind of like I don't know. We'll see I'll see it if there's a showing tonight. I see and then I'm not coming to London Are you gonna? I'm not coming to London for your big? Are you actually are you actually considering coming to London sure it's like 700 bucks who gives a shit what look at you

I'm losing weight. I'm not door-dashing. I deserve a little treat I'm gonna fly to London you want to come to London to eat like you're gonna eat breakfast five times a day It's gonna be like the hangover where they're like, where's Doug? times a day. It's going to be like the hangover where they're like, where's Doug? Devon's trying to find me for four days in London. You're in the bottom of the baked bean pit at a factory. I'm at the top of Big Ben. I've ate nine bags of McDonald's in 30 minutes. They go, so that's all the McDonald's we go in this country.

You ate our entire juice supply. What have I become like the clock tower shooter but from the big from Big Ben? Yeah, you're just shitting on people. You're shitting Cheeto sandwiches on them. Yeah. Yeah. That would be great if you came to London with me. I'm thinking about just coming to London. Why not? I don't have any responsibility here. That would be that would be really that would be really cool if you did Yeah, it would like be awesome

I'm thinking of her a couple days at least Like 24 hours flies right back. I know Ben's plan He just wants to try Popeyes in London like I'm fully aware of what he's doing right now He was he wants to spend $700 this it been ends up in the fake taxi because they think he's a fat ass lesbian. A pog lesbian. Yeah, the guy gets in the back and makes Ben eat his ass. He's got a fork and knife. This is my version of getting a Brazilian butt lift,

like flying to South America. I'm flying all the way to London to eat McDonald's and not get fat. You think Shepherd's pie is a shepherd in it? Yeah, I might do it. It's not I really I'm just going to support you. And with your film premiere and everything, it's a big moment for you. And I mean, yeah, it's fine. No, let the people know. I'm very excited. I'll let the people know. I mean, yeah, there you go.

Come out and, I think the movie's gonna be good. Great, possibly. But I'm just saying, I'm like, I'm not, I can't, you know, I can't like lie on this show. I'm just saying. No, you can't lie to these people to figure out everything. My personal feelings, I'm like, I don't,

I don't care about anything anymore because when I do, it's always a failure. So I try to go into everything with an even-keeled attitude. Example? My whole life. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. I get what you're saying.

You got to keep everything, you can't, the universe doesn't reward desperation. You got to keep everything at arm's length. you can't, the universe doesn't reward desperation. So you gotta keep everything at arm's length. Like I don't really care. So I go, I go, we'll see. And I, in my experience, we'll see has always turned out a little better than we'll see. So that's what I do.

I'm not gonna be like, everybody come on. It's not gonna be a fucking movie. No, that's like, it's. What are you gonna wear at the premiere? Walk in the red carpet, big guy, there's no red carpets It's fucking these are British. Yeah, they barely have carpet there. I mean come on. I don't know I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna wear a Kobe shirt Are you really gonna wear a Kobe Bryant shirt to the premiere and like cotton vans?

Yeah, they're gonna think you're like a Pakistani. They're gonna arrest you. I'm gonna wear a fucking I'm gonna wear Nick Roquefort's Here's what you know, I'm gonna wear a fucking, I'm gonna wear Nick Roquefort's shirt that he gave me, dude. Here's what you need to do. I'm gonna be on the red carpet in his Stuff Island merch. That's fair. Yeah. There's no red carpet, by the way. I mean, I don't know what it is. It's a big premiere for the movie.

It is! It's a big moment for you. Come out, tickets are available on raindance.com. There you go, buddy. And here's the thing, I'm really excited for you. It's gonna be great, but we need to get you dressed up nice. I saw a clip of Jordan Peterson recently where people were asking him why he dresses up nice.

Right, no, I. He says it's not to make himself feel good, it's actually to show others respect. When people show up and they're not dressed nice in front of you, it means that they have no respect for you. What if they start crying about Charizard? What does that show them? That you're addicted to Benzos and you get put into a coma.

I am going to I'm going to show up like Jordan Peterson. I'm going to be like high out of my mind and I'm going to be wearing a suit that has like is like a Joker themed suit. This is going to take a lot of Kalanipin. Yeah, you have the it's my money and I need it now suit Yeah, yeah, yeah, the green dollar show up looking like like the six flags old man He used to break dance

You want to do a mat and tray thing where we both dress up like women and take acid and go to the premiere Let's do it. All right, let's do it You guys should dress up like the dumb and dumber guys in the blue and orange tuxedo I actually don't think I can make the premiere but I can make London I can't make the premiere because that's my my we're setting up a whole birthday for I'm gonna miss your birthday. Yeah, your birthday is the night of the premiere. Yeah, but um, or it's not but It's when we're throwing the party. Yeah. Yeah, but they come out if you come out for a couple days I'd be still it'll be great. Yeah, you can come watch some like horrible like

Somalian films or whatever that I have to I have to be there for like 10 days I have to like watch like a ton of a hunk like sure they're gonna be conscious. Oh, yeah A lot of these movies you're gonna hate it. No AC. No ice in anything. You got drink hot water everywhere They don't have AC and they don't have a see London. No, wait what? Yeah, they don't have AC in Europe right Ben They don't have AC. In London? Nope. Wait, what? Yeah, they don't have AC in Europe, right Ben?

I don't fucking know. Is that a thing? I went to Europe, I ate McDonald's, I read books in my hotel room, I don't know. They don't have air conditioning in England? Yeah, it's pretty common, they don't. When there's a heat wave, like 40,000 old people die. I looked at the weather,

and it looks like it's just gloomy and 72. It looks like I imagined, just a hunk of shit Mm-hmm. I think you're gonna hate it so much. I think you're gonna buy one of those zombie nerds and start slicing I'm telling you right now. It kicks so much ass. You can eat whatever you want. You don't get fat You don't feel bad. You could smoke cigarettes everyone. I don't buy any of those people are happy at their jobs, they're not like People are happy at their jobs. They're not like. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe He's a Brexit guy. Yeah.

Devin loves Brexit. I'm going. I want to meet Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson. Yeah, I want to meet the Trumps that they got. Hold on. Let's show English listeners how little of the shit we give about any of them. I don't care at all.

Do you know what Brexit is? Yeah, they were so it was like, you don't know what it is. It was like immigration thing or something. I know what it is. I know what it is. I'm not going to say what it is, because that's how little respect I have for the country. What is it? You actually know what it is.

I think it's England leaving the European Union, right? Oh, right. They left the EU. Why would they do that? I think it was that. It's fucking retarded. You didn't know what it was. But why would they do that? Isn't like a right wing thing or something? Yeah, I think it was a it's fucking retarded. You didn't know what it was But was it why would they do that isn't like a right-wing thing or something? Yeah, I think it was a Boris Johnson was the one who like kind of led a movement like we don't need the EU So they left I don't even fucking know what the EU is honestly either. I took one

I would believe things the European Union. Yeah European Union. Yeah, but I don't know what it is Me neither, and I don't give a fuck. I don't care. Oh, I don't like British people. They're fucking they they they they were like, no, no, no, no, no. I have I have every time I see every time I run into a British person, they all do the game like, you know, it's funny in this country, you know, you got guns everywhere.

And I go, yeah, OK, well, shut the fuck up. Who gives you? Nobody cares. All I know is the best British people are like Indian And I know I have Irish family and like fuck fuck England They like kept them captive and stuff and then my Irish brethren had to you know blow up They're the shitty like mini Coopers and stuff. Yeah, they had to blow up those daycares for freedom Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're gonna enjoy that nice like ocean maritime

Some of the Sun hits different there all the clouds they swirl a different way like like the like the big Branches of a tree. It's beautiful the way it kind of swirls on the way the light hits is nice and cool We're gonna go through the park. We're gonna have a good time. At night, we're gonna get corked. We're gonna have a fucking great time. Is corked mean like getting drunk? I'm not really sure. I just reached for a word that I feel like they would say.

That sounds like familiar kind of. We're gonna be like hot fuzz out there. Yeah. We're gonna have, you're gonna have a great time. We're gonna get fucked up at a weird, cobbly, prickly place. Mate, it's gonna be like fucking Shaun of the Dead, mate. Shogun!

We're gonna do shit like that. Piss off! That type of shit. Whatever these people do. I have no respect for where I'm going. I love when Nick Frost had cocked the shotgun in Hot Fuzz. Remember when he cocked the shotgun? Shame.

Shame. Doesn't he, they throw him the shotgun in the supermarket and he cocks it and he's like, you're off the fucking chain. Shhh. I thought that was the fucking coolest thing I had ever seen when I was 17. It actually might still be the coolest thing.

I rewatched recently, Hot Fuzz kicks ass. It kicks ass. Edgar Wright is awesome because of those movies. Yes. I don't really like the other stuff. Hot Fuzz is amazing, yeah. I don't know, I loved, I know, I really enjoyed About a Boy. So I guess I'll be like, hey, where do they film About a Boy?

Notting Hill, was that a true story? Yeah, exactly, I'll be like, where's Hugh Grant? I hated baby drivers. Where's that a faggy bear you guys all like? I'm going to be like, hey, I loved The Holiday. Where's Kate Winslet's fucking you know house? I I hated a baby driver so much. I almost had a seizure in the theater I hated baby drivers a piece of shit for three days smoking cigarettes

We were so mad maybe drivers about the guy that drives Drake around They call me the baby driver. I hate it. We're going to smoke cigarettes. We're going to get fucked up. We're going to, we're going to drink a lot of beer. We're going to have a fucking blast. I'm not coming back.

I'm excited. Little does Katie know I'm never coming back. I'm booking a one. The tickets are only a hundred bucks because I bought a one way. Let'm booking a what the tickets are only 800 bucks cuz I bought a one-way Let me tell you you do a classic abandon your child. I am gonna look up like I'm just gonna be a hack I'm gonna look up like the the fish and chips place. Where's the best fish and chips place? I'm gonna go there. Show me the ugliest fattest bastard in England Where does Tom Holland like to drink?

You're off the fucking chain. It's still the coolest. My favorite was always when he goes, I hit him in the head with a big plant. And he goes, did you say something with he goes, no, he goes, shame. And then he like fires in the corner. Oh, yeah. And then starts firing. Yeah. I always love that part. Fuck that movie. So good. It's very, very good.

I think I've seen Sean of the Dead and Hot Fuzz like a hundred times each. Shaun of the Dead is fine, but Hot Fuzz is clearly the best one. Well, you know nothing. Okay. You too, you actually got hurt by my bit. You got hurt by my bit.

No, it's not a bit. You actually hurt your feelings. It's not a bit. You viciously attacked me. He got so hurt by me doing a bit. You got you? You got so hurt now? I'm getting mad Now I'm upset at this fake bullshit. It just goes okay And he like looked at me like that like he was ready to like attack me from the Then you throw up this weird no no no fake

What I don't take directions from you and no, I don't do that. I got it. I'm really. You're not really. You're you're you're you're throwing out a line. You're really on the boat. You're really you're really in the hook is going in the pants, in your pants, under the boat in the other direction. Little do you know?

Me doing this podcast. It's like it's like quit captain quint and jaws when he's about to be he's staring at the big rod And real and he's waiting for the fucking line. Yeah to go out. That's fucking Yeah, and I'm the shark chopping your ass in half where you wear a little Vietnam bandana Yeah, you would eat me from the fucking toes up. So you get my asshole first, bitch. Yeah, because it's full of food and nutrients. That's why you're asked first. Like how a dog eats cat shit. Exactly.

Your ass is like cutting up a horse's belly and then climbing inside for warmth, like the Revenant. Yeah. I get lost in the woods with like bear grills and he starts eating my shit. It's actually more caloric than a hamburger. Look at this. It's a whole weinerschnitzel hot dog right in there. He's pulling whole foods out of his nose.

Rope is going to come in handy later. Get sausages. Yeah. Fuck. We're going to drink soda. You're going to drink-free soda, man. Are you excited? This is gonna be crazy. I'm not drinking soda there. I'm drinking Guinness. I don't know what their British bullshit is, like, Bodingtons or whatever. You know, the Newcastle or whatever. Well, not Jameson. That's Irish. It's all Irish. Yeah. What does Britain have like what is a British like liquor or like what? Smithwick Smith like a Kilkenny you like a Kilkenny a nice red ale isn't that Irish Oh Dunhills I know those are cigarettes that the Beatles smoked those are actually pretty good

I'll smoke cigarettes when I'm there. They have the big wide pack. I'll try it. I'll try it out. They're pretty good. Yeah. I'll try that out. I mean, I don't know. I'm open. You can go visit like a Tolkien and see the possibilities.

Where they all rode and shit. Yeah, I'm open. I'm open to the city. I'm just, you know, I know like five days in it would be like, get me back. Yeah. Get me back. I think you're going to hate it by the end.

You want to take a train up to Scotland and back? Because it's like a four or five hour train We go up into Scotland We walk around st. Andrews sure I know I know what is Scotland. It's just north It's colder and everyone up there literally wants to kill themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll try it out. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm open to anything man. I'm open to anything, you know, I'm already going to have to be there. You know, my I thought my idea of London, I thought it was like, it's just like a made up place in the Austin Powers. So I really

I like I've seen Shanghai nights. I love Shanghai nights. I'm not really sure what I'm walking around going. Where did they film that Jackie Chan scene? Yeah, like I don't I don't sure what I'm walking around going. Where did they film that Jackie Chan scene? Yeah, like I don't I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I'm going to go around asking people like what was Owen Wilson here? I'm going to go around being like, you fucking Paki Bassett. Can you say Paki is that bad? Well, not in England, but you can say it here.

It's pretty bad. But nobody nobody knows. Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah, exactly. In New but you can say it here. It's pretty bad, but here, nobody knows. What does that mean? Yeah, exactly. In New England, that's what they call convenience stores. They call them Packies, because they were called package stores. Oh, wow, there we go.

So they say we're all going to the Packie, which is offensive in England, but nobody gives a shit here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, nobody gives a fuck here. I'll say, so we can say Packie all we want. You can say Packie, you can say, what's the other one? A mooly, can you say that?

Is that bad? I don't know. I think that's what they call black people because it's based off a blackface toy they had in the 20s there. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

There's 900 comments that are like, um, actually, as a racist professor. As a racist person who lives near England. Yeah, there's 9,000 comments about Patriot comm slash lamb of party go support Devin at his thing support us on patreon Unless this one's on patreon because we watched something from the view who knows we'll see we'll see we upload it God bless everybody Hope everyone has a great rest of their week

and enjoy the sketch that's coming out. I don't know if it's out yet, but we've been editing all weekend that we shot. So go like and share the comedy sketch, share our other sketches. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for sticking with us.

And we'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye bye. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl Nighttime would find me in roses Cantina Music would play and Polina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young cowboy came in Wild as the West Texas wind