lemonparty - 089: Budd Dweiser

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

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Hey, I need a ride down to Virginia to kill my grandma Anybody go my way shout out to Eli to who sent me in a really cool live now cool Kobe Kendrick Lamar poster and then a big long Message about his family trauma and stuff and then but I will I will try and help one abused kid out there He like I read your message. Oh, yeah, I remember that he was like try to help one abuse kid You're like not doing that. It was very nice and then that by the end of it I'm like, are you gonna snipe me if I don't help a kid at some point? I don't remember you ever saying you wanted to help no, I just wanted I just wanted to go down and like be like

Alright guys, we're doing layups layup lines. I just wanted to go down and be like, all right guys, we're doing layups, layup lines. I just wanted to go to some like, you know. And then turn to the other coach and be like, all right, I think you got it from here. You got it from here. And never show back up to another game. I wanted to volunteer to park, to coach a team, and then just not show up a couple weeks in.

Yeah, you want to give one big speech where you're like, Collins, you need confidence, son, come on. Yeah, I just wanted to have a moment. I wanna have like a Coach Carter moment with a kid. Yeah, you just wanna make kids act like slaves just running all day long. Yeah, and then they get really into me and then I block them on my phone.

You're the first father figure they've had in their life and you just completely reinforce everything they believe about the men. About their, yeah. You should love them. Yeah. It's like, they're like, coach, you know what, in their life and you just completely reinforce everything they believe about the men who should love them. Yeah. It's like, they're like, coach, you know what, you actually really helped me and I really appreciate you.

You go, gross. Little too vulnerable, kid. You're gonna have a hard life. Dude, that is the thing, if you were gonna give someone a heart to heart, you'd have to be a little drunk for it, even if they're eight. Yeah. You're like, I gotta get drunk first before I pull you in and go, listen,

come on, you're great. You're great, we all see it out there on the soccer field. It would be like the Bad News Bears or something. Yeah, I'd have to be like. You'd have to get hammered. I'd have to get a little loaded. And you'd have to give them a beer too. You'd have to commit a felony.

Yeah, exactly. Listen, Brayden, so what? Your parents are queers. Your mom's got that Zorro head on. Look at her, what a retard. Your dad sucks ass, he's obviously gay. Sure, you're a test tube baby. Look at me. No, I get it.

The parents are trying to make you trans. You just gotta wait them out. Just go on the ropes. That's how you really make an impact. You gotta, that's why we need to return to the 70s culture. You have to really break a, you have to commit a felony to make an impact in a young man's life.

You gotta give him a beer, you gotta take him to a titty bar for the first time. Wait, is that a real beer? Yeah. Did you just crack open a real beer on the show? Yeah. Woo! Are you serious? Yeah, I relapse. You didn't wait.

Woo. That's awesome. Oh, my God. Hey, no, I lied to you guys the whole time. I was going to wait till September. I wanted to do it on my birthday, but then I wanted to surprise you on the show. So, oh, my God, Jay. No, I've been I've been drunk since July 3rd. You're a maniac. I haven't been sober a damn second. Oh, I'm so excited. That's great.

Congratulations. Thanks, man, I've been shitting myself. My stomach hurts. Oh, that's why I got vodka downstairs. Yeah, I should show you, dude, I have like no tolerance, by the way. That's, yeah. It's pretty crazy.

I drank, I was at that whaling pub in Nantucket. That was where I had my first one, and I drank one Guinness, and I almost fell over on my way to the way. That's, yeah. It's pretty crazy. I drank, I was at that whaling pub in Nantucket. That was where I had my first one, and I drank one Guinness, and I almost fell over on my way to the bathroom. Dude, the fucking beautiful mind alcoholic math I just did in my head in that split second, I go, but that one doesn't have non-alcoholic beers. I saw Devon looking at me,

and it looked like when, it was like when Cindy Lou sees Santa Claus on Christmas morning Like the light returned to his eyes. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, welcome back. Welcome back it's actually been very funny it made me realize I have the exact opposite of a network because People were texting me like hey, man. I'm so proud of you Like Kelly's brother like we sent a photo of. He's like, dude, I can't wait to fucking see you, man. This is going to rule. Oh my God. No, it's pretty great.

That's awesome. Yeah. No, it actually does. Do you want the camel koozie that this lawyer sent us? I would love that. Yeah. No, it actually does rule. It's a pretty cool thing.

It's a pretty cool thing. It's a pretty cool thing. It's a pretty cool thing. It's a pretty cool thing. It's a pretty cool thing. It's a pretty cool thing. That's awesome. Yeah. No, it actually does Do you want the camel koozie that this uh, yeah, of course lawyer sent us. I would love that. Yeah No, it actually does rule. It's uh, it doesn't fit damn it. That's great You got the fighter's spirit Jace. You got it back It was it did actually suck. I I had the first beer and I go hang on Yeah, this really does fix every problem I've ever had. Pretty amazing stuff. This is pretty great.

I was literally it was very funny. I was like an hour into like being a little buzzed and I was like, I was, my girlfriend caught me on my phone Googling like, what does beer do to the brain? And I was going, I got to figure out what this does to my brain so I can do this all the time. Just consider alcohol and utropic. Speak of it that way. Yeah, exactly. I'm like a Huber time. Just consider alcohol a nootropic. Speak of it that way. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I'm like a Huberman. Yeah. I'm just like, well, I do a microdose with 550 milliliters of beer every morning. Yeah, Huberman's Punch Bowl. Yeah, you see me crack open a medulla and put it on a food scale and go, okay, good, then I just drink it.

This is great. I think everybody was rooting for this. This is amazing Yeah, it's awesome. It's actually unfortunate. I'm a much better person when I'm like this And people like me a lot more I was telling you, you know, one of my one of my girlfriend's friends came over. I was talking to her husband I was just like man. This guy fucking loves me. I'm fucking killing this shit. This guy thinks I'm great Yeah I was just like man this guy fucking loves me. I'm fucking killing this shit. This guy thinks I'm great Yeah, where'd you even hide that my girlfriend was like clearly more in love with me because I was drinking now I didn't suck ass. I wasn't gay. You told her no. Yeah. Yeah

He pulled that beer out like it was a gun and it the hateful eight Like Bud Dwyer moment I go stand back, stand back. All right. Bud Light Dwyer. Yeah. Very good. Very good. Very good. That was very good. Yeah. But I got it. I got to say, listen, Bud Weiser. Hey, that's even a little better. That's actually very good.

They both sucked ass. Yeah, that's a little better. That's a success. But you know, we're going to get that on Barstool. We're going to make that into a T-shirt. But Bud Dwiser, and it's a success, but you know we're gonna get that on barstool. We're gonna make that into a t-shirt Budweiser And it's a guy with a tall can blowing his brains against the wall like that. Yeah Yeah No I did plan to plan to stop not drinking anymore just because I kind of didn't know why I wasn't I didn't like have an

Answer really yeah, but I am like You know I'm women I had like I've had two beers since I've this is like the third But I am like, you know, I'm women, I've had two beers since, this is like the third, but I am like, man, this really does. Takes the edge off a little bit. Unfortunately, it really does kick ass. Yeah, it rules. I think everybody takes a break at some point in their life. I keep asking people, I think I'm gonna drink again,

everyone goes, I think you need to, I think you should maybe rethink that. No one's given me an in yet. You're the exact opposite. People have reacted like I've died and my relatives are welcoming me to heaven. Like I see like Davin and Connor and Joey in a big cloud and they're like, come on, we love you now.

You can come out with us. Exactly, I can leave my house. Yeah. I will get a DUI on the way. No, you'll be fine, you got Uber money now. That's that's exactly right. Tell people you Uber. You let everyone leave. You crawl to your car. I have an inflatable Indian guy I put in the driver's seat

so I can drunk drive from the passenger. Devin wouldn't let me drive him home last night. He was a little corked. But what are you going to do? He lives. He lives close. He's only three miles down Sunset Boulevard. It was it was It's only 25 miles away. It's like a block away the Lex. Okay, there's people listening to that are gonna get on my ass Yeah Yeah, unfortunately, the podcast is real life. I forgot this goes out to the world

I would yeah I really would love if we did this podcast and it went to a different planet somehow Yeah, like earth to or something. Yeah, you can't drink Ben. You're already like a drunk Yeah, that's the thing is like this. I'll be back This this turns me you know what that does it I I'm a cat and this turns me into a dog You're already a dog. This would turn you into a wolf. You'd be too crazy. That's brilliant. That's really good you're already a dog, this would turn you into a wolf. You'd be too crazy. Dude, that's brilliant actually.

That's really good. I'm already liking it with that. Look at that. What a great point I just made because I don't care about anything anymore. What a perfect lube. It's almost like, you know what's funny, I took like the first couple steps and I turned to Kelly

and I go, it's like I just put down a tremendous weight I've been carrying around. Like Atlas just shrugged. Did she care at all? No, she was like into it. She was a little too into it. It actually hurt my feelings a little bit. What if like?

The next day I was like, hey, you were kind of a little too happy that I'm drinking again, so. Three sips in, you're throwing breakfast at her head. I mean, we were doing all the classes. I was like, give me those keys. Give me those fucking keys, bitch. It was pretty good, but her whole family's like, you know, give me those keys. Give me those fucking keys, bitch. It was pretty good.

But her whole family's like, you know, these drunk Irish bastards. So they're like, this is fantastic. Yeah. They're like 43 and they'll go to like fucking Vegas for a weekend. They have an incredible gene in them. They come with a dialysis center.

I envy the Irish. They truly, it's amazing. They run off of alcohol and the sun truly melts their bodies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they got to I got to fucking stay inside. I go stay inside and I go to drink. Yeah, dude, I love you. I I didn't know if we were ever going to be like hooligans again, because I'm still I'm still, you know, in the in the caves with John Joey

and, you know, sure, a mocker through the battlefield tonight Yeah, somehow feeling just as drunk as you guys. Yeah, you're like our Are like a stenographer for drunken nights. Mm-hmm. You're the war photographer. Yeah I'm Kristen Dunson in the movie. Yeah, yeah with her big tits just running down My tits are as big as hers. Her bloated body and her... Resting her camera on her giant jugs while she films a guy's head explode

outside the Lincoln Memorial. This kicks ass. No, it's pretty great. It's honestly pretty great. I'm trying to watch it just to make sure I don't go crazy. You should go crazy. Don't watch it. The problem is if it's two weeks from now and I'm drinking nine beers, then I'm like, oh, yeah Yeah, you won't do that. I won't do that. This counts as one. So this is I mean if you did a speed run to being rust

coal, mm-hmm You're tired rust coal. I come in week two and I have the hair and the mustache and everything That'd be a good look for you. Actually. I drink so much beer, my hair became a foot long and in a ponytail. I got to say that. I mean, this is not and I don't do this in an insulting way. It's just the only now is it came ahead. I feel like like a young puppy dog that has been trying to get the old dog to play with it.

And you just turned into this party animal dog. I know her. Yeah, you know, it's It's everybody is very, very happy for me. Yeah. Across the board, everyone has been. I've already told, I've told everyone in my life, except for you, I told Katie, she was like, she started crying. She's like, she's like, I'm so happy for you.

You just sucked so hard for like three years. And you were no fun. You were just in a cave. If you weren't recording, you were in a cave if you were recording you were in a cave just trying to not kill yourself every day we thought you were masturbating all day dude sometimes during the day I'd be like has he masturbated seven times today already and be at 2 p.m. You know, and you might be right.

But now, yeah, I'm just cracking a cold one at 9 a.m. I mean, usually Monday through Friday I'll try and be sober, and man, around Thursday I go, what the fuck is there to do? I am so fucking bored. Yeah, truly. That's part of the thing is also there's nothing, I was literally going to, I went to this whaling bar,

I was in Nantucket. It's a whaling bar from 1830. Where like, you know, the Wampanoag Indians would go get drunk. They'd throw them into a whale off of a boat. And I'm like, I'm really gonna sit here and not have like a Guinness or something. Like a beautiful setting, beautiful bar, historical.

I just went to the whale museum. I asked where the Brendan Fraser exhibit was the entire time. They laughed at me. It's your birthday. It's my birthday. I Just rented a bike that punched my fucking dick and balls into my ass Cobblestone streets. Yeah, and then tuck it so yeah, I'm back What if I release like a Michael Jordan like breast statement just I'm back I'm back. What if I release like a Michael Jordan like press statement? Just I'm back. But bars across L.A. are like just boarding up their windows like BLM.

Do you know what this kind of feels like? It feels like I'm you know, when you find a laptop you've used in three years and you plug it in to see if it turns on like the Apple logo just showed up. I just oh, it's the work. Yeah, I just said hello. Yeah. Now, what if I what if I took the first step and I immediately like, oh, it still works. Yeah, I just said, hello. Yeah, no, what if I took the first sip and I immediately, like the King of Rohan, just I immediately, all the gray went out of my beard. The life came back into my eyes.

Man, I'm liking all. I know. I'm pretty happy. I gotta say, it's gonna be a lot easier to record. See, and man. I flushed my beta blockers down the toilet like a bitch. It's gonna be so much easier now. Oh, so much easier. It's gonna be so much easier. It be a lot easier to record. I flush my beta blockers down the toilet like a bitch. It's gonna be so much easier now. It's gonna be so much easier.

It's a lot easier. We've been playing on legendary mode this whole time. It's a lot easier, especially it's even more easy if you get a head start on the freeware. Yeah, Dev is gonna see me outside the chevron, like already. You know how you used to pop the beta blockers like in the car? Sure. Same thing. Same thing here. Yeah, officer, gonna see me outside the chevron already. You know how you used to pop the beta blockers like in the car?

Sure. Same thing. Same thing here. Yeah, officer, these are medicinal. Officer. These are for my job. It's for anxiety. You fucking pig.

It's for anxiety. Yeah, so it does. May I? You're missing the gene for joy. Yeah. You got that from, for some reason I got that gene. So it could be the abusive dog kennel I was raised in for the first year of my life. Well I think, possibly. Yeah, I was put in a big shoe box and like shooken by children for the first six months

I was alive. It was all those pedigree pies you were being fed. I think I have like some sort of gland in my brain that absorbed all the alcohol I ever drank and it's slowly secreting it in throughout my system So I don't eat anything like sort of like a camel of some kind Yeah, and and I'm and I'm broken just in a different way where I think I truly cannot be happy without But I think chemicals in my body. Yeah, I think that's why you need to drink all the time. Yeah, no, I know I mean, especially when we do this show Oh 100%

I mean I literally like I was like, I was talking to my psychiatrist a couple months ago, and I was like, the well-buty doesn't seem to be working. And she's like, you know, we can use that magnet thing on your brain. And I was like, I'm just going to start drinking again. Yeah, what? Really?

They were like, we got to. I might actually try that out. It seemed kind of fun. What is it called? Would they turn your head into a theremin? It's called TMS. It's Trans trans magnetic stimulation Oh, and they use all the trans stuff now, you're right. Actually, this sounds like something Neil Brennan does so you can order sweet green

So he has the energy to order sweet Devin. I won't do it now because Neil Brennan does Work and then a Neil Brennan clip popped up and I'm talking to Jerry Seinfeld Yeah, exactly of two billion here's talking to each other about being so I'm being happy. Yeah. Hey everybody We're back with our new favorite sponsor Ruby's flowers in 2018 the farm bill was passed in the United States an unintended result of this bill passing was that it effectively became Legal for licensed hemp growers and sellers to grow and sell Mary Jane. As a result, THC A flower has exploded in popularity as a low-cost way to buy and smoke natural, high THC anywhere in the United States.

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taken these products before. Thank yous, Ruby's Flowers. Now back to the show. I'm gonna try it out just because it seems kind of funny. Yeah, I like that. You just go there and then they run a big magnet on your head. I didn't understand what you were saying.

At first it sounded like electroshock therapy for like, you know, one flow of the coopers nest. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna get everything Hemingway got the decade before he killed himself You start working on an ambulance? Yeah Get shot in the penis You know the interesting thing about him anyway slept with a nightlight his entire life

Wow because when he was in World War one he got shot at night and He was terrified of the dark because of that You know his greatest story, the short happy life of Francis Macomber. I don't know that one. It's a guy who's going on a hunting trip with this lady who's fucking the guide. Oh yeah, I do know this one, yeah. And I won't reveal the ending or anything, but it's just funny because this guy

who wants to be an alpha, but he's a pussy, and then he goes to, he pays a bunch of money to have this guy who hunts lions to help him kill a lion. In front of his girl. Yeah, yeah, and then the guide fucks his his lady And like that like night one and he just like kind of ignores that it's happening He keeps it he keeps like fucking white knuckling the fact that his wife is getting railed at night She sneaks out of the tent and goes and fucks this guy and you can hear them fucking and stuff

Yeah, and he is he's a cuckold Anyway, he's a weird fat guy He his mom made him wear dresses when he's a cuckold, he's a cuckold fag. Oh, Hemingway's a weird fag guy. He, his mom made him wear dresses when he was a baby. So she made him trans. It's so funny. He had a micro penis, according to his letters. He had a penis the size of a rifle shell. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Did his mom think he was a girl because his dick was so small and she thought he was pussy? His mom was a big fan of Hillary Clinton. He had a penis the size of a rifle shell? Yeah, his mom had a big fan of Hillary Clinton size of a rifle show He load his dick into this end and then he put his ball on the other end and jammed it down The big rod dude Could I be the first guy to kill myself with an elephant gun that would roll I stick it in my mouth and I pull

The trigger and I disappear Vanished in thin air. They don't know what happened They They're like, we think he went to another realm. He became so retarded he disappeared to a different dimension. So his mom raised him to be a little gay, like a good little boy. A good little trans. His mom was in the wokeness tweeted about Hemingway's mom. It makes sense because everyone in his family killed themselves anyway, so she was like,

maybe if I raise him trans. Hemingway's mom had a big beef with cat turd on Twitter. Yeah, his dad killed himself at 50, his brother also killed himself. He had like six people killing themselves in four generations. Hey, join the family business. That's called inheritance. Hey, join the family business. Yeah. That's called inheritance. Yeah, hey, business is booming.

Um, uh, he, he, there's a story also of him with penis sizes. F. Scott Fitzgerald asked him if he, if he had a small penis because his girlfriend told him he did. And then Hemingway took him into the bathroom, looked at his penis and said, no, you're fine. That's a fine penis. And's in any huge doing this. Yeah I'm lying. Yeah. Yeah smoking out one of those big like cigarettes out of a holder Yeah, yeah, those holders they love looking at the great Gatsby's penis, but yeah, he had a lot of crazy

He was in two plane crashes on like two consecutive days. He had like dozens of concussions. He had like massive, a lot of it is they think he had CTE because he got like hit in the head a bunch of times. He was drunk so he would fall downstairs and just land on his head, crack his skull open. So he like had basically like Junior Sayow disease on top of it.

But he just missed the heart. Yeah, exactly. When he killed himself. He was also fat but he never called himself a fat guy and that always bothered me Mmm, so I'm like if he's so perceptive right you ever see a picture of him. He's very very wide It should have been called the bread also rises very fat folks Bell tolls for thee. Hey! Didn't he think the CIA?

The old man in the seafood restaurant. Hey! Woo! Very good. Very good. Yeah, you don't know any of his books? No, I've heard of those. Not really into puns, anyway.

Yeah. I'm good. Devon's a man of the streets. Yeah. David's a man of the street. Yeah. Was it did it have any way to tell all his friends he's being tracked by the CIA and he heard FBI FBI or people on his phone and shit never was like, shut it. No, literally, you're crazy. Yeah. And then it was true. They tracked him for like two decades because they thought he was a dissident

because he lived over in Europe. Right. So he probably killed himself because he nobody believed him. He was losing his mind. Part of that part of like CTE Depression ran his family. They eventually took him to the Mayo Clinic I think because he was fat and they gave him electroshock therapy because he was fat But it was the type where they just hooked you up to a car battery and just fried your brain and it fucked him up Like I said, he was into that's so funny. They turned him into a Toyota Corolla like this will say Kevin Gates walked in and put his finger on his head.

But yeah, he also was in those two plane crashes, horribly burned his body, had a bunch of injuries, was in tremendous pain, thought the FBI was stalking him and he tried to kill himself several times. Like there was a story he was being transferred between hospitals and the order. He's like we're at like a station or something and they they turned their back and he like tried to run at it like underneath The train real quick He kept trying to kill himself in front of people like he tried to grab his gun and then order He's would like wow, yes little way Wiley e coyote disease. Yeah, he put a big catapult Next to him and then yeah, and then you just uh, you know his brains out. Yeah

You're gonna scratch that itch. I could have saved them. Yeah, you could change to say I could have gave him an AMC pass Mm-hmm I showed him inside out to you. I'm like the only suicides were committing around here power is at the Sodom fountain Yeah, goddamn right. I heard Hemingway wasn't even a guac mode verified Imagine God damn right, I heard Hemingway wasn't even guac mode verified. Imagine. That sucks. Truly. That sucks. Imagine if Hemingway.

Hadn't built up any points on Uber One. Imagine if Hemingway got to see a realistic depiction of a panic attack in a cartoon. You think he would have killed himself then? If he got to watch Puss in Boots 2. Oh, right. Saw a realistic panic attack. Yeah. Yeah.

You could have seen a donkey fuck that dragon. Inside out, it's about, yeah, it's in his brain. Yeah, there's one inside out character that tried to make him gay. Tried to make him trans. A bunch of little flubber guys with overalls on just trying to blow their heads off inside somebody's head. You notice how they've all killed themselves? They're all like, from like nooses and shit. Yeah. their heads off inside somebody's head.

They're all like leg from like nooses and shit. Yeah. But he was a strange duck. Great writer, though. Very gifted writer. Are you a Hemingway fan? Yeah, yeah. My favorite reading of The Old Man in the Sea is by Donald Sutherland. He just passed away last week. You fucking croaked. Yeah. Donald Sutherland. Donald Sutherland. He just passed away last week. You fucking croaked. Yeah. Donald Sutherland. Donald Sutherland, the audio book, the actor. He did the audio.

It was very good. It was very good. I love the guy. I'm just sick of you guys are talking about Pixar movies and stuff. I'm sick of all the the the homoerotic like hullabaloo in Pixar. Is that a thing inside out? I mean, come on. That's clearly about a prolapsed asshole I'm on to them. I'm on to Disney. I'm on to everybody. Yeah, that's so true

Thankfully we're being saved by that lady at the daily wire who looks like Ben Shapiro, but she's 20 and and she has a pussy Who's that one? Is this oh if you guys not seen this lady? She's the she's 20 and she has a pussy. Who's that one? Who's this? Oh, if you guys have not seen this lady, she's starring in the news, Ben Shapiro is producing a Snow White movie. Oh, new conservative horror hit the streets. But it's a lady who looks like her that's not his sister with huge tits. Yeah.

Have you seen this bitch? It is like a Pokemon, you discover them, you're like, ooh. Okay. New generation. Yeah, it's nice, everyone's just trying out to be Trump's press secretary. Yeah. So they're making a new Snow White, you said're like, ooh. New generation. Yeah, it's nice. Everyone's just trying out to be like Trump's press secretary. Yeah. So they're making a new Snow White, you said?

Oh yeah. I mean, they're doing, Daily Wire's got a lot of great stuff coming out, let me tell you me. Yeah, yeah. Here we go. The doors are executed for having health issues at birth. Yeah.

Yeah. It's called, does that not look like Ben Shapiro? It does look like Ben Shapiro a little bit. Does that look like Ben Shapiro. It does look like a little bit. Does that look like Ben Shapiro? A little bit. Come on that looks exactly like Ben Shapiro. So here's the... All the doors are just little Jewish guys who work in the diamond district. Here's the... They go, Miss White, Miss White, I got 24 carrots here. I guess we we can't I mean it looks like they're producing some pretty good pretty good You know doesn't look bad for what I thought it was gonna look like it looks a lot better than I thought yeah Yeah They got horses. I got some CGI

So it's supposed to be an anti woke movie Well here also she went on Jordan B Peterson's podcast the The Doctor. Yes, the doctor, Dr. Jordan. The doctor. You can just say the doctor, the doctor. I know. Oh, of course. She went on the doctor. By the way, a doctor of like medieval studies. What is the daily wire named after? Where they get that from?

From the wire that went around Holocaust camps. Oh, OK. Or the bug that they planted on Malcolm X. So she, let me find a clip of this bitch. I forget, oh here's what her name is. Yeah, I see, I've already watched this. Okay. Her name is Brett Cooper. Okay, she sounds trans already.

Okay, so this is what she looks like. She looks like Ben Shapiro as like an Aunt Medea. Like he's doing an Aunt Medea thing, and then playing different conservative pundits. Sure. So she's starring in this movie, and I think they talk about a. Kind of looks like a racist husky. She does have the face of like a lynx or something.

She emancipated herself at age 15. I see that as one of the timestamps. Yeah, so she's another lady who talks about what's going on in Hollywood, because she was a child actress or something. Oh, okay, okay. But, and how her parents protected her from being trafficked or something, I don't know.

Who knows? She was also on the hit show Mr. Bircham. Oh, dude, wow Wow just say bircham Why you why you explain everything out for me so here's the here here we go here's a Here's her talking about this This movie that she's going in. I mean, I don't want to give them, you know free press here on the show, but I mean Cuz it's not like this is gonna be in theaters or anything. You gotta go buy it at Dailywire calm to see it. But here's her talking about it.

Something that is beautiful and that people objectively can enjoy. You're not going to sit down and say, oh, I'm watching, you know. This movie comes out in theaters and goes, not playing at Magic Johnson Cinemas. Yes, I don't even want to be a vessel. What is Jordan Peterson wearing?

He's dressed like Spike Lee at a Knicks game. What is he doing? What is that shirt? Is that like a stranger thing suit? It looks like a Chicago Bulls warm-up jacket I bet I think he's in the NBA it has logos on the back, but I think it says Jesus Christ on it Yeah, and it's as the name of the Jersey. Yeah, he really He really jumped the shark quick didn't he? it's really a shame I know I used to love I used to love watching them dominate kids out front of his college see cuz remember back in the day we had like and one mixed it was amazing early the early days of dr. Jordan B Peterson oh yeah he was kicking ass when he was just throwing hadoukens at blue-haired trans kids

It was beautiful it was it was a human college ended trans kids like Woo! Yah! Woo! Wah! Ha ha ha ha! He's got the big yellow hair coming off of him. Ha ha ha ha! Watching him do that shit, it felt like back in the day

when I discovered like the professor. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know what I mean? And like they could just roll up on anybody in the street and just like, I'm like, damn, he gets away with everything. Yeah, you went in the driveway and start practicing his moves

No, it's great cuz we were also like we were at open mics getting like bullied by you know The eight legged freaks people yeah We go home like little school shooters and just watch your vision dunk on these trans people Promotes and the values of the characters and will fall in love with Jordan Busson dunk on these trans people to get the steam out. Somehow he's on episode 4 of 48, by the way. I don't even know how he... Well, his daughter made him do it in the coma. She made him do Epps. because it actually is very good, but you can know that the people who made it,

the hours that were put in, I mean, Jeremy barely slept for seven months. Well, that's pretty good. So her pitch for the movie, she's promoting it by saying people worked on it a long time. Which famously never happens in entertainment. Yeah, no. Nobody pulls a long hour.

This is, yeah, weird. You don't understand, like there was a lot of tired people making this film. Are we not allowed to watch the trailer? we probably oh no no no no I'll play you the trailer I'll play the where are you allowed to oh, I'll play you the damn trailer are we allowed to are you allowed? Oh, yeah, and Jordan Peterson's very passionate about they are like no way the rumble guys right like they're all into free Yeah, and unless it cost, unless of course their bottom line is effects it and then they go.

Whatsoever, or somebody says something mean about Israel. In which case, new come. Snow White and the Evil Queen. Once upon a time There was a pure race of the Nakela Then bloodlines got destroyed The dwarves are marching to Gaza with pickaxes Hi-ho, hi-ho, in Gildge and we go I hope I hope in kill generally go The apples are shiny good apples not good squirrel non-gmo apples hell of a squirrel good dear Yeah, you see Joe Rogan just shoot it with an arrow

He plays the Huntsman. That would actually rule. That would be awesome. Yeah. It looks like bitch. It does. What a weird dude. What if in the non woke version, she's asleep and then the guy just fucks the shit out of her to bring her back to life.

You see a close up of her sleepy face and then just a dick plop So this is a direct response to Disney Snow White which is an upcoming musical fantasy film 25 starring a Rachel Ziegler Who they hate cuz she what she was being really annoying talking about like she was being annoying Yeah, annoying, you know woke shit or whatever and she was like I hate the source material she's just one of those people where it's like they think they're really interesting if they say like you know I wish I had the confidence of a mediocre white man like that meanwhile you have the face of Roger the alien from American Dad it is

the new thing look at that look at that face looks like me drunk she's Christ oh this's so drunk you look Chinese Those chameleon eyes so look like I'm looking at a fly and a wall somewhere as I'm talking to you Bitch yeah, that's not great Jesus Christ Don't that's not great. Who's is that a gal good though? That's gal good though She's one of the worst actresses to ever walk the face of the earth. Yeah, she plays the Evil Queen. Yeah Interesting she really does stink. She's horrible. Yeah, she's a terrible actress

Hot lady though. She's very attractive. Who's this guy? Abu grave? What's this guy? Yeah, yeah, who's this guy? I don't know. He's the huntsman Hmm, and they got Asians in it, too This is crazy plays dance as dancers famous Snow White character dancer man. They've lost their fucking minds over there, huh? Disney type in Rachel's Eagle or she had she had some famous video going around the word yeah her on like a red carpet I read carpet being a real bitch Yeah, I can't wait to watch this damn daily wire Snow White. Uh, is this, uh, no, um,

maybe go to like Twitter cause that's where the hate is like is purified. They got the Brita filter for hate. Yeah. Or maybe yeah. Type it in with like woke or some shit like that. Yeah. Rachel Ziegler woke a cunt should die. Yeah. Or something like that. There's people tweeting about woke. That's what they're tweeting. Oh, here we go.

From end wokeness, here we go. From end wokeness. I mean, you know, the original cartoon came out in 1937 and very evidently so. There is a big focus on her love story with a guy who literally stalks her. Weird, weird. So we didn't do that this time. Anyway, I'm making this for pedophiles.

Anyway, everybody producing this is a pedophile. And they're gonna steal $10 million from this and donate it to the IOF, whatever. That is so funny though, it's like you probably, like your grandmother was probably lovingly stalked by your grandfather. That's like the whole classic story. Exactly.

I saw her at the dining room, I never left. I kept coming back every day. She told me no and I said not accepted. So that's almost charming. As long as they weren't holding them down and stuff, I'm sure they went away eventually. Right? I get it.

Yeah, guys back then were like a swarm of bees, like just courting. You had to like run away from them. Yeah, there was a lot of women that they were attracted to the... The chase. To the chase. Back then they called them shotgun weddings because the women were held at gunpoint. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know, it's her being asleep. I mean, who gives a shit really? He doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't fuck her while she's sleeping. Have they seen the movie by the way? Snow White? Yeah, none of, who gives a shit really? He doesn't he doesn't he doesn't fuck her while she's sleeping. Have they seen the movie, by the way? Snow White? None of that happens again. She's asleep. She eats the poison apple and she falls asleep.

And they put her in a big like butter jar tray. Cosby gives her an apple. Exactly. Exactly. R. Kelly peas on her. Yes. Yeah. Kevin Spacey fucks a boy next to her face. Do they think it's like, do they watch Kill Bill Volume One and they're like, Snow White is,

this is outrageously offensive. What do you mean? She goes in a coma and they fuck her with Vaseline. Oh, right. This is insane. You're telling me Snow White, there was an order to name butt, and he liked to fuck,

and he fucked Snow White, and he let all the dwarves fuck her. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're telling me? And they shot her in the head. You're telling me Snow White was a ninja sassian, a white ninja sassian, and they raped her. Watch me just see.

And then if they went, she had to get to a big yellow car. You're telling me that. I mean, from what I remember, she meets a really strange Gypsy lady of some kind mm-hmm. We all know what that's about Yeah, and she eats an apple and the apple like clearly is filled with poison mm-hmm like it's it's so obvious And then she's what happens then she passes out She was like oh

She needs a prince charming to kiss her to wake her up and take her out of the spell that she's in Right which also the prince I think he goes to the castle and beats the queen who turns into a big dragon Or is that Sleeping Beauty? I don't know. Oh am I thinking of Sleeping Beauty? You might be I forget the type I think literally every movie back then was a bitch falls asleep. Yeah Yes, we might actually be describing Sleeping Beauty. No, No Snow White, she eats the apple and goes to sleep. I know that. I mean, Rachel Zieglerbich just said that on the thing. Yeah.

A plot of Snow White. Plot of Snow White. It's a Brothers Grimm fairy tale. Mm. Yeah, jealous of Snow White's beauty, the Wiki Queen orders the murder of her innocent stepdaughter, but later discovers that Snow White is still alive

and hiding in a cottage with seven friendly little miners. Oh, the seven dwarves are from Snow White? Yeah, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, you stupid fuck. I don't fucking know. God, you are drunk. Based on a gangbang, a midget gangbang. They're obviously raping the shit out of her in that cabin. A bunch of midgets fisting her pussy and ass.

Yeah, it's like at Gulliver's Travels, they throw ropes around her and bring her down. There's a funny story at the premiere of Snow White, Walt Disney himself, a famous Jew hater, he hired a bunch of midgets to go on top of the marquee at the premiere and dress as dwarves, and the midgets snuck up a bunch of booze and they got fucked up in the heat of the day

and they just took all their clothes off and started jacking off and shit and everybody could see. Are you serious? Just seven midgets just jacking off with no clothes on. Wow, God bless those midgets. So the fire department, I think the fire department came in

and sprayed them with a hose and they just sprayed them off the top of the marquee. Like cleaning shit off the sidewalk. Yo, you got a bunch of bees on your window you're like put your thumb over the hose this is a very important part of the story I forgot about the seven dwarves so aspect the queen is jealous right yeah so what she has to do is she disguises herself as a hag yeah an unfuckable bitch exactly she disguises herself as a hag. Yeah. An unfuckable bitch. Exactly.

She disguises herself as a 35 year old woman. Disguises herself as a hag and brings a poison apple to Snow White. Sure. Then she falls into a, it says here, a death like sleep. At what point, at what point, let me clear, clean my glasses here. Do you see the word rape anywhere on the screen? Or like a guy?

Oh, wait, I forgot. Stalking or anything? He kisses her without his consent, without her consent, but that also saves her. But that's the whole fucking point. These women, they wanna die. Yeah. Like she wants to keep being in a coma.

It was a consensual non-consent thing. They had agreement prior to that he could do it. She's like, I technically got drunk before I kissed her. Yeah. So I couldn't consent. So I couldn't either. So she raped me. Yeah.

Actually, it's a great loophole. The story of a woman being woken up by Aziz Ansari. I got to say, like, if I found a beautiful lady who's asleep and I'm like, sure. So you're telling me as long as I don't kiss her, she'll never wake up again. I'm like, so everything but kiss check. Yeah. Let me go find my checkbook. And at the nearest James Avery, because I'm putting a ring on this.

Yeah, you may now. Fuck the bride. You tell me you just gave me a magic vending machine? Thank you. Yeah, you treat her like a fucking used sex doll from Teenu. You bought her for 200 bucks from China. Don't even have to feed her. It's magic.

Yeah, just slapping the shit, putting cigarettes out on her because you're mad. She never gets fat, she always has her beauty sleep. You're playing slapping the ship and cigarettes out on her because you're mad. She never gets bad She always has her beauty sleep. Yeah, you're playing like halo and you lose it. You just throw a fucking plate and nuggets at her head Bitch, you just throw your flashlight out the window Yeah, when she gets too dirty you put you shove her in the dishwasher and just Yeah, take that, woke. Yeah, take that. Take that, Ziegler.

You woke bitch. Your last name sounds pretty Nazi-ish. It does. Huh? How dare you. Rachel Ziegler. How dare you, how dare you desecrate Snow White in the seventh world.

I'm sick of Disney, they've gone woke. They've gone woke, man. They've gone woke, it's upsetting. Disney has gone woke, that company's starting they've gone woke. They've gone woke man. They've gone woke that upsetting Disney has gone woke that company started They they kind of are like vice but for animation Yeah, they went the opposite way they were started by a far right guy Became they became woke once he was out of the picture. Mm-hmm, but that's what I call the new far right is the left. If you think about it. Whoa, holy fucking shit.

The evil empires I call them. Whoa. What is the other one they're all upset about? I know everyone's like pissed off because there's like an ugly black lady in the Romeo and Juliet on Broadway. Yeah, I remember seeing the first picture of her and I go, oh, she's gonna get killed.

Yeah, that was a rough one. That was almost like they're doing that to her on purpose. Like some really racist theater voters. That was like, did J. Edgar Hoover work in casting for this? What is that? There's a Romeo and Juliet ugly. With Tom Holland. It's like, yeah, it's like Tom Holland and Richard Sherman.

Oh, this is Juliette? That's actually a better picture, Ben. There's worse. God damn. I'm sure she's worse. She's probably a fantastic classically trained actress, but it just doesn't make sense, I guess, to be Juliette. Middle left.

Pull that one up. Pull this one here? Middle left. This one? On the left. Middle row, very well. Yeah, that one right there. Yeah. I mean, that's rough, man, yeah, that one right there. Yeah.

I mean, that's rough, man. It just doesn't make, it doesn't make sense. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't wanna be too mean. Is that not an attractive woman though? No. No, not really, no.

No race angle associated whatsoever. No, no, no, we're not going there. No, not. We're not going there, it's too easy. She's not. Just describe to me what about her physical appearance you're not attracted to. Well, she looks like George Foreman's kid.

She looks like she's about to cook on a big grill in a college dorm. Yeah, I don't know. She looks like she played for the Knicks in the 90s. I'd start with that. Yeah, I think she. I don't know, man. What do you want me to say?

This woman choked her coach. She looks like she's a. She choked PJ Carlyssle or whatever his name is. Yeah, I've seen plenty of guys who look like Tom Holland with a fallen head over heels for a lady like that. Yeah, yeah, I see him all the time. Why is it not if they wanted it to be a black woman, there's a million gorgeous black women.

Isn't Juliet supposed to be so hot or so beautiful you kill yourself. Yeah, exactly Yeah, I mean what we what are we talking about? He killed himself for her. Yeah, he kills himself because he looks at her in the light of day He just wakes up from a drunken stupor Romeo is a black guy's name Juliet is a white lady's name or an Asian loser's name. Exactly. So he should be the black Romeo. It should be a black guy and a Japanese girl who has braces in her 40s. Yeah, that's who it should be. I like that.

Yeah. And people are like, we're mad at this, but we're not sure why. But I know I hate it. We're confused. I'm more confused about this than anything. Well, I mean, I don't think it says in the play that they're fucking hot They just want to fuck each other well traditionally though It wasn't like Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes who's not actually not that attractive either. So maybe She's kind of got boxers nose a little maybe we forgot maybe we forgot about Claire Danes

Yeah, maybe she's supposed to be ugly. Maybe it was great. Yeah, maybe that's maybe that's how it goes Well type in type in Romeo Juliet Leonardo and Claire Danes. I got it right to be ugly. Maybe it was great casting. Yeah, maybe that's how it goes. Well type in Romeo and Juliet, Leonardo and Claire Danes. I got it right here. What is, what? Get a better picture of her face though. I need a better picture of Claire Danes. Yeah. Of her kissing or?

See they hide her the whole time, she's from the side. Like when an actress gets pregnant on a sitcom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let me look up a picture of Claire Danes actually. Well, let me go to Mr. Skin real quick. Yeah, who forget that nude scene of hers, Temple Grandin. She's the one, Claire Danes was in like Homeland, right? Homeland.

She's also in the movie Temple Grandin. She's fine, you know. It's not amazing. I mean, yeah, it's fine. You guys are fucking brudes. This is a beautiful woman who, I mean, would make one of us very happy. Yeah, I'm sure she makes Tom very happy.

I'd love to pour some white wine and bend her over her fucking her, her, the island and her massive mansion kitchen. Yeah, not not fantastic. Yeah, it's fine. I feel like she would lecture me too much. Like I'd be walking around the house drinking coffee in the morning saying the F slur Yeah, yeah, she also does You sit me down. I have no explanation for this

She seems like she has a very wide pussy and I don't know why so that's a problem for me. I don't know why I Mean it looks like she's got she's got tip tip tip work of some kind. Here's her. Here's her with a man. She is fat Yeah, she really let herself go. Good God. It's like go to the bathroom already. You're constipated, Claire. I mean, she's holding her stomach because she has to take a shit. That would be funny. You're in a maz class. You're like, Jesus, everybody's got a shit here.

Guys, it's called fiber. Yeah, you're trying to you're trying to push the gas. Getting my pregnant wife met a mule around the clock. Like, let's get what the fuck's going on. Yeah, you're trying to push the gas out of them. Yeah, getting my pregnant wife met a muesil around the clock. Like, let's get, what the fuck's going on? Take a shit already. You think these women are going to the hospital to take a shit?

You're getting fat. Cut that turd out of her, dog. Jesus Christ. He hands you the baby and you put it in a bedpan. You go, don't give it to me. Oh my God. He hands you the baby and you put it in a bedpan. You go, don't give it to me. Oh my God.

Yeah, but she's attractive for real life, but for Hollywood, she's not that attractive. Sure, right, there we go. Especially for Leo's hot young ass. Has there been other Romeo and Juliet's? There was one in the 70s and the chick had big tits in that one, the old Romeo and the chick had big tits in that one The old Romeo Juliet movie from the what just type in Romeo Juliet tits. I'm sure it'll come up 1968 that's the one that's probably it. Yeah, she had a big ass titties. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she's hot. Oh nice tits

Yeah, nice. That's like yeah that kicks ass even back then she had that's great bigger mommy milkers Yeah, if I could fuck that lady and she killed herself. I'd put a bullet. That's awesome You avoid the fucking you avoid nom for her I'd shoot myself in the foot before the draft. Yeah good for that guy who looks like a young Peter Boyle Yeah, getting all up in them titties. Yeah, I mean it is a stupid play anyway It literally is teenagers who kill themselves after three days of knowing each other. Yeah, it's it's like the that documentary about the girl that got the guy to kill himself through texting him. Right.

Like gave him one hand job and then bullied him and then you kill yourself. Babe, he's like, all right, look, will you suck me off, though? She's like, yeah, after you kill yourself. It's like okay Yeah, he really killed himself too. Yeah, he really he really did it yeah Classic and so behavior for a bitch with a big eyebrow. Oh, yeah, that's you that bitch that bitch looks like Scorsese Yeah, it was tough man that killing yourself cuz that bitch told you to is it's a tricky game Side it's a tricky tricky thing. Mm-hmm. Well, this is the story. This is the tale as old as time. It's the Star-crossed lovers. Yeah, you will

What I will it's never rang true in my heart really star-crossed lovers. Yeah, but I don't know I don't know if I necessarily believe in something like that I think you can find someone who's a perfect match that you are Loving to spend the rest of your life with and maybe that is a soulmate. I don't know I do well I do have I mean the term star-crossed lovers means life has taken you guys apart So I have always being in a long-distance relationship for two years I do relate to the star-crossed lovers type of thing that the odds are set up against you But not if you're yeah, just 14 and trying to get your first

Jacked jack-off session. Mm-hmm in you know by the way Cuz in Romeo and Juliet, it's they're supposed to have like arranged marriages or whatever, right? So they can't marry each other because they have to marry somebody else Well, they're their families are at war the Using the Capulets so it's like the to put it in like fun American terms They're like the Hatfields and McCoys exactly exactly now Now with you now now, let's do Romeo and Juliet, but with the Hatfield McCoy

Yeah, that's great. We got Romeo's got a big mustache. They're both white, of course. Big mustache. She's got a big bonnet in her hair. I am into that. Yeah, a bonnet. I love a big bonnet. They're down, they're fucking by a creek. By a crick. Fucking by a crick.

She's got a dress that's just swamping her pussy for like nine days. And they kill themselves because of the Emancipation Proclamation. Ha ha ha ha! From my, they're holding a black guy from my cold dead hands. The South loses the war and they kill themselves. Like a tree.

Yeah, when you could have still owned a black guy for like another 90 years, like just through loopholes. Yeah, I didn't realize until very recently apparently schools in some places were still segregated up until the like 70s and like 80s. Yeah I mean, I know about in America. Yeah. Yeah awful just horrible You're like awful with that we we lost that. We held onto it for so long. Well, people were still like, it became a law,

but people weren't really following orders. There's old clips of that black girl walking to that school in Arkansas, and white dudes are throwing rocks and spitting on her and shit. It's pretty crazy. That's pee. Yeah.

That's just, you know, it's dodge ball, but now I get it. I just learned some city like they had to pass They passed it way fucking late and I was like Jesus Christ. I was just watching I'm just watching the golf tournament today and it's like The guy that really transition. It's the John. Well, this is it's about I'm saying I'm saying going from integration to golf turn. No. Oh, yeah. No, we're about to talk about whites real quick It's the John Deere classic sure already. It's like Jesus Christ

You know it should be called the blackface class. Yeah, the row the row half-null open and the announcer goes Cam Davis these young guys let me tell you they love to get pumped up on the range. This guy loves his hip hop. And Jim, guess what? His favorite guy, the notorious B.I.G. Ooh.

And then they cut to a thing, they go, and by the way, if you're in Illinois, you always gotta stop at Whitey's. Whitey's Ice Cream is the biggest ice cream franchise in Illinois, founded in 1933. Named after a Chinese man who tried to bleach his own skin and died in the process. Whiteys has been serving this community for years.

Dude, they showed the guy with the racist ice cream parlor white guy hat. And there's big signs that say Whiteys. And then there's white people eating big sundaes. And it says founded in 1930. And there was a restaurant across the street called Blackies and it was just the empty bowls going into that restaurant. Switching from that to from talking about the notorious B.I.G.

It's my favorite thing in golf where they're still so white but it's 2024 so they will be like, we love the notorious, we love the tour. We love Nas everybody We love Nas that's some good-ass shit I'm a fan of Jason Z And her his daughter willow is great Yeah, yeah, but oh the thing I was gonna say about their arranged marriages though that was thinking about Yeah. Yeah. But oh, the thing I was going to say about the arranged marriages, though,

that I was thinking about with the Romeo and Juliet stuff is like if they have they have arranged marriages in places like, I think, Pakistan. I think they do. Yeah, that sounds about right. That sounds right. Yeah. If I if I consult my racist Rolodex, that's probably accurate. Well, there's that golf. I love I'm a huge fan of H hits a Gala on the PGA tour

His parents are Indian they live in like Chino Hills or something sure But they came over here from India and they're in an arranged marriage and they're seen Yeah follows him around on tour. I see him on TV all the time him and his his mom and dad are really happy people Yeah, looks like it's worked out. Sometimes it's like it kind of goes to show like the whole maybe the whole soulmate thing It's like that's chalked up as it is to be. It's like a lot, most people, even if they're not in an arranged marriage, they're with whoever they were like on a list with.

They arranged themselves. We were together in the same semester of college. Is that God's working? Like are you soulmates? I got sued behind her in history. Right, because you were both, you both signed up for the same class. You both, you both like,

you get a little corporate drone. Yeah Like we both we both met each other we were 29 and it was our last chance ever so we said sure yeah And here we are yeah, we both worked at we work and now we're together wow that's and I know we're great couple You know she's a huge bitch. I drink nine beers a night, and that works for us. You know this is great My only regret is I didn't marry based on food. Hmm. What do you mean by that? I should have oh Married a Indian woman Indian or Japanese. Yeah, where it's like they really they really know how to like make like good like vegetables We have a nice oyster sauce you married to a Japanese woman would be insane that'd be hilarious You'd you'd have like the tattoos of a Yakuza boss by now

You would have got so in the Japanese culture really into guns You'd have like we come over you have a Japanese guy with a big needle like hammering tattoos of fishes into your back I can see that I make my own silencers that I sell on the internet. Yeah, exactly. You're doing really gay karate Minimalist house. Mm-hmm everything all I can touch my toes chairs are very short. They look minimalist house. Everything I can touch my toes. Chairs are very short. You look like elf everywhere in the home. Yeah, her feet look like popsicle sticks because you just keep buying them.

You can't stop. She has like little ballet feet she has to dance around on. I really the arranged marriage thing. It's like if they if they make them get married at a certain age, why don't they just marry them when they're like babies? I thought you were gonna go hold another rat with that. I thought you were gonna go, if they make them get married,

why don't you just fuck them? And I'm like, Ben, they do. They do do that. No, just put them when they're babies. You take two babies and they go, they're married now, and you put them in a crib together. Right, right. You put them in a cardboard babies, you take two babies and they go, they're married now and you put them in a crib together. You put them in a cardboard box

with the two turtles you found. You just drop Sam Sosa's over them. And you poke them and you go, kiss! Have a moment! You're holding nine, like, come on! Come on! Come on, that's pretty cute. If you have a little baby, a little newborn baby girl

with the bride, the head, dressed the thing with the thing over her face, dress the thing on with the thing over her face and the little other baby in a tuxedo. Dressed like he's the captain of a gay cruise ship. Yeah, that would be pretty cool. And that way they actually grow old together and they learn to live together when they're like two. So by the time they can actually,

they come online sexually and everything, then it's like there's no time wasted. That's just off to the races and they're good to go. And that'd be great if they ever get divorced. Like another guy can marry her like 16, you know, it was like, she got divorced at 14. So she's still, that guy still had a baby penis when he was fucking her. I see no competition. That's a good point. I went to a arranged Indian wedding with, I was a Cobra and a Mongoose. arranged Indian wedding with I was a Cobra and a mongoose

Do you do you start take this away? You may now fight the bride to the death. The ceremony's in a 7-Eleven. In front of the Slurpee machine. Take this onion ring and repeat after me. Oh God. That's a fuck. I just imagine camera panning over a beautiful, full, normal, gorgeous Indian wedding and just panning to a mongoose and a snake holding hands.

That's amazing. Throwing rice at them. If you were throwing rice, they're eating it and their stomachs are exploding. exploding And ladies and gentlemen here comes the first dance they just grab the snake is just fucking whipping it around with his head Yeah thrashing around in a big cake That does kick ass yeah, I saw something today that Are the other day on online that the reason Indian people are so smart and make so much money here And I never thought of it about this is only their smartest richest people move to the US

so that's why they're all very successful and you know programmers and IT guys over here, right? Because it's like they're sending the all-stars over base. So what's the other 99%? 404 error From what I can tell I've seen videos of people in India from what I can tell They drive very quick quickly. Sure. They're trying to get to women to rape Well, they're just they're driving. They're driving so fast, their wheels like come up on one side. It's like slow down.

Where are you going? Yeah. What's going on? They seem to have. Where'd you get a car that's two feet tall somehow? Where did you get that? The thing that I'm weirded out about them is they seem to have missed the boat on the industrial revolution. There's not like beautiful skyscrapers,

but still somehow there's smog. Yeah. I'm like, how did you guys get smog, but none of them like machinery. They just got the cottage in. Yeah. That's the problem is they're just starting to put steam. Well, they've decided to be worse for the ozone layer

than the cows they refuse to eat. I'm just saying, if you look at like the city, like the Indian cities, there's always like a brown cloud over it. You know what the shit. There's a lot of shit. There's a lot of shit. Tastes like filling in the blanks for me,

that's all I'm saying. I mean I've heard a lot of people say, when they landed at the airport, there's just a child shitting on the floor at the airport. Dude. on the floor at the airport. Dude, I forgot to tell you by the way, on the flight back yesterday, dude on the flight back yesterday, I went to the bathroom in the back of the plane like three hours in and I opened the door and there was shit on the floor of the airplane toilet I've never seen that before in my life is a big turd. Yeah, just a big turd on the floor I always pee on I just picked it up and I threw it in I go. I'm a good citizen

You do it in like a wishing well, I go Travel safe little one Shit all over me what airline was that it was American Airlines the only one I fly I did have I didn't want to talk About this on the pockets. I did have one of the most embarrassing fat moments of my life Was 30 minutes into the trip they American they give you a tremendous amount of food With the little tiny table and I was in the big exit row like nine feet in front of me I got space because I paid extra for it I have all this food laid out and then I accidentally bumped my Coke Zero off of my tray and because there's no chair in front Of me it exploded and went all over the cabin door. I

Saw I hit it and I think is there's just more pressure in the sky. He literally hit the ground and it Exploded exploded over the woman next to me and the cabin door. And I was so mortified. I legitimately had a thought of just opening the door and just getting sucked out of the airplane. Dude, if I was an air marshal, I would think you brought like a flashbang with you. That's what it sounded like. People are scared. People turned. The whole road turned and looked at me and I just have to fatly be

stuck in a chair like Winnie the Pooh in a hundred acre woods. He thinks you're a terrorist it's like the fat guy fumbled the soda. Fat guy my big fingers can't handle the soda I'm sorry. And I'm turning I said I'm going I'm so sorry and I'm doing I'm literally in my head I'm doing like the Philipsy more often like you fucking idiot. Fucking Hoffman like fucking idiot Fuck you I Never been more mortified about it cuz I do it was it was a six-hour plane ride. I was 30 I tried to hand her my tiny little napkin and she shooter goes like I mean, what is that gonna do? Can I make you feel better about yourself that there was shit on the floor?

What that there was shit on the floor in the bathroom? Okay, wait in my bathroom. No no no no no no let me I'll make you feel better by yourself I spill soda okay on airplanes probably 85% of the time I fly I Will spill entire sodas? Every everywhere on the floor on the windows does he have you ever sprayed somebody though? No, and I never have at this point It's kind of like it's kind of like that guy and Rogan where he said he was afraid of saying the n-word like he had An obsession with it. Oh, yeah. Yeah OCD for racial slurs. Yeah. Yeah, which you have the opposite you have me

Afraid I won't say Afraid I'll forget to say the patreon news that you're walking out the house You have to say the n-word while touching the door handle seven times So sorry, sorry, it's the Where he comes he took control over his fear of saying the n-word by going I might say it. Mm-hmm Maybe I'll say it. I do that with I'm afraid I'm going to spill the soda. I just knock it over anyway. I'm like, Oh, it's done now. Take the power back. Take the power back. Maybe I will knock it over.

And you know, I will throw it at a lady's head. You know, it's so funny is I was terrified. I was terrified the whole time. I was literally because I'm shoved in the middle. We're too. Jace, we're too big to be. I was like, dude, I was literally picking up food with my opposite hand where I would go like this And then bring it up and then like like that and then bring it up and I just Bumped it and it just fell and exploded and I was just like Jesus Christ God damn it. The stewardess was a really cool black dude, too

He had to clean it up in front of me. It sucked because I can't just start wiping the door on a moving fucking right Yeah, it's yeah, I just accidentally look rip it open and kill everybody you know people are so fat on flights now you think they have neck pillows and it's just there it's a part of their body yeah it's their neck it's there it's their neck right they go this is a pill this keeps my throat open while I'm at high have their neck hanging from their backpack as they walk into the flight. It's a guy. A guy grabs his stomach and then puts it in the overhead. He's slacking and shut.

I'm so happy you're you get fucked up on the flight back. No, I guess I am legitimately trying to monitor it. Ah, it's OK. I had a couple of drinks the week before. Yeah, it's okay. I had a couple drinks the week before. No, you're right. It's all right, it's a good start. And I knew I was used. You gotta get fucked up on the flight though.

It was literally last night. I will, don't worry. This will slowly fall to pieces and you'll have to have a talk with me. No, no, no, no, that's not gonna happen. You're an amazing drinker. No, no, no. You're an amazing drinker.

I'm always gonna, you could be, you could be begging me. I'll look like Orson Welles and fucking five weeks That's awesome. I'll be drinking champagne out of the bottle. Yes. Yeah, did he towards the end? Say pretty legendary guy You're not gonna turn into like apocalypse now or some shit Yeah, but I'm just saying just so I don't want people to be like come on and then just you know Nine beers down me But yeah, I was just saying because it was last night and I knew I was gonna drink on the podcast today So I didn't want to like sure immediately be doubling up. I was really hurts my stomach still. I'm such a lightweight

Yeah, make my tummy feel good. I hear you. Well, it's beers. You got to switch to the hearts I hear you. Well, it's beers. You got to switch to the hard stuff. I Devin and Connor complimented me yesterday. They say I look like I've lost 15 pounds and that they are really worried for me on the tour about how disgusting I look. I I finally figured out how to lose weight. I've been drinking my calories. I've actually been drinking a lot of non alcoholic beer and replacing meals with that. OK, and I've and replacing meals with that. Okay.

And I've been losing weight doing that. Okay. You could become Jared for non-alcoholic beers. Oh, I could actually. Yeah, and then you- Become the spokesperson for Heineken 0.0. And then get arrested for being a pedophile. What would I, I think if they did a campaign

around Heineken 0.0 where the 0.0, it looks like a pair of tits. Uh-huh. Because there's the zero and then you put the dots there. Okay. I think we could really cook with something right there. I think, yeah. Dude, the two parentheses, period, two parentheses.

No, I guess that's not how it works, right? Because the period's in between for the tits. Mm-hmm. I'll have to rethink a whole thing. Yeah, yeah. It's Heineken, it's German, it's green. Yeah, go to Peggy and Roger Sterling and figure this out. I'm trying to think how I become the spokesperson. Because Shane has Bud Light, right? It's Heineken, it's German, it's green. Yeah, go to Peggy and Roger Sterling and figure this out.

Trying to think how I become the spokesperson, because Shane has Bud Light, right? So I could have Heineken 0.0, I guess. How could I do this? What if they execute me on live TV? They announce I'm the new spokesperson of Heineken 0.0, and the German president of the company comes out. For Simon.

And he hangs me in front of the country of Germany on live television. He hangs you in the nooses they killed Nazis with at Nuremberg. There's a trap door and everything. Right. And you got paid. Like old school stuff. You got paid $25,000 before taxes. And taxes got to get life insurance before they were gonna kill me yeah and the money gets taxed in Germany and here so Katie gets seven thousand

dollars that's a good campaign right there yeah yeah that would rule if we're just all watching you like fucking in true blood your fucking legs shaking Screaming as the life goes out of you You get a boner and we all laugh at you Just pissing shit is filling my hocus making them swell like a baby's diaper way too much shit people like how much What keeps going people what and by the way they censor out the shit They put blur marks over the shit and put it literally looks like when you pull those rafts on an airplane Well, just I just want to say I'm happy you're back. This is a milestone episode. This is I mean, this is unbelievable.

It's amazing. This is a new new era. I couldn't believe what I saw. I thought it was like an illusion or something. Yeah, you did. You did look like you saw a dead relative and it didn't quite comprehend. Yeah, I kept I kept looking at you like I was like, huh, is that grandfather Modelo? Can you wean yourself off of the well butrin now and just do the beer?

Nah, why would I do that? It only gives you seizures if you combine both of them. Is that true? Oh, really? They can at high doses, but I'm not at that dose yet. Yeah. So you're not supposed to drink if you're on. I'm not supposed to binge drink on well butrin. Define like. So here flush the well be. Butrin define like I'm so here flush the well be a truth

I Think you can slowly start replacing your antidepressant medication for beer I think so I think I should I should get alcohol and freeze it into pill form and just swallow it in the morning Replace the well be a trim with that. I didn't know you could do that. I mean you can do you can do anything you want You know If you think about it if you really like pills that much you should buy beers and then put gel Capsules over the beer and then swallow them whole like a rattlesnake Here's what you guys should do is you should sneak into my apartment and you should switch my well buterin with steroids and

MDMA and I'll just take those in the morning instead I'll just be really cool and fun constantly. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Yeah. Well, I love you buddy. I love that you're back. This is, this is, I can't even, I know I keep repeating myself here, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Truly everyone I've told has been incredibly ecstatic. It's really hurt my feelings. So it's been great. I love it. It was a hard decision to make, but you'll be better off. Yeah, just for the people who are still like sober, like you I Love it. It was a hard decision to make but yeah Yeah, just for the people who are still like sober like you should probably stay sober I literally got to a point and I thought about it for literally six months. I was talking about it I just didn't really know why I was sober anymore

Yeah, I got sober when my life sucked and I literally fixed everything that made me drink too much And so I'm if I get to the point where I'm drinking and driving again, shit like that, I'm gonna immediately stop it, so I'm just being very safe. No, it's fine every once in a while. I'm doing a little disclaimer. No, it's good though for the people.

There's a couple people at home who literally halfway through the app they ran and got keyboard cleaner. But Chase was good at drinking and driving. No one should drink and drive. No one should drink and drive. Yeah, we do the bit a lot, but no one should drink and drive. Money for an Uber, you should get an Uber. Yeah, as Tarantino says, Uber.

Uber. You get the money, Uber. Yep, exactly. I think if you drive Uber, you should be drunk. I knew a guy that did that. I know exactly who you're talking about. We did know a guy who would do that. I know exactly who you're talking about.

He would have a gin and juice in like cup holder. He'd have it Yeah, and like his uh his Stanley Like a bottle of wine in a mini van and he'd drive families around hammered. Yeah, I liked him So yeah, yeah, great hand fucked up story, but yeah Yeah, so anyway Patreon go to patreon Com slash lemon party I apologize last week on the patreon for saying that the guy who was sitting in a bowl of pee at the gay pride parade Should burn it out

You were going pretty hard in the base Disgusting with them all Drink it pee and sitting in big bowls of pee like it was a birdbath that pissed me off Sorry, that really triggered me where the fans mad at you for saying they go. No. No, I just in hindsight I need to choose my words more carefully I shouldn't immediately jump to someone thinking someone should burn in hell for all of eternity. Mm-hmm I should have said like kill yourself for sure Like a little more light-hearted one like kill yourself put a bullet in your head. I should have said like kill yourself or sure. Like a more lighthearted one.

Like kill yourself. Put a bullet in your head. I want to wish it. That would have been a little nicer. Well, we don't need to save that apart because it's the end of the episode. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party for a bonus episode every week. And Devon at Hate Watch Pod, Lemon Party for a bonus episode every week and Devon at hate watch pod J set sad drawings by J subscribe to the lemon party clips channel for the live streams and we'll see you Guys next week. Bye. Bye. Bye everybody I'm sorry. with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, music would play and Polina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina, wicked and evil while casting a spell. I love was deep over this Mexican lane. I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a while young Calmore came in, wild as the West Texas Way.