lemonparty - 093: Sorry Not Sorry

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Support the show and get 10% off the best hummer ever. Head to https://www.autoblow.com and use code LEMON See the show at the Virgil in Los Angeles on August 10th: https://tr.ee/P0Zy_gTShM Sorry Not Sorry | lemonparty 093 more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty live dates: https://www.lemonparty.life/livedates ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I I'm on that light beam. Always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of me. Because they want to see the whole, apparently the whole, I found out this last week, the whole show is your dick and balls being a shot. You know what? That's the problem with this table is we need to get another camera just for Ben's dick and balls.

Yeah, we have a ball shot that we can split screen on the TV because a bunch of faggots listen to the show. No, Devon, they watch the show. Watch it watch cinematic of yeah, yeah, I'll get my chair a little higher So you can really yeah, whip those cuz they really they that's that's that that was what they came for What are we doing now? Well, I'm wondering what color I should be. Oh, you should make yourself black Oh, you should make yourself black. Black. Jinks.

Should I make myself bi? Yeah, do they have a bi color? I'm bi now. Yeah, that is bi lighting a little bit. I walk around Silver Lake with this light in front of me. People go, wow, you were in Moonlight, right? Painted nails out of nowhere. You played the black grownup in Moonlight.

You were great. Look at you with your AMPM slurpee slusher. Your N-word golf shirt. And you have an N-word golf shirt. Fantastic. That's nice. I can't disclose who, but there's a picture in the MLB who sent me this shirt, because it has the N.

It has the letter N on it. It's John Rocker. Retired John Rocker sending him. John Rocker's been messaging us for years to get on the show. It was show hey oh Tony. He's like they keep stealing from my stars. They keep stealing. They steal my Inway shorts. What are you doing? You're still looking at it. You look crazy. You look like a little mad scientist. Little green freak. I'm sick of the bullshit.

I'm sick of the bullshit, baby. Drinking your Slurpee. Sick of the bullshit, baby. No more bullshit, man. No more bullshit, man. Drinking a Slurpee saying you're sick of the bullshit is something a trans hooker does at California Donuts. You're in a Sean Baker movie.

You're in Tangerine right now. I'm sick of the bullshit. Sick of the bullshit. I'm about to redo everything, man. Yeah? Redo the studio, redo my life, why stop? Why stop at the lighting? You go, honey, the fans talked

and they don't like the concept of my life, so. We're gonna gut this, we're gonna rebuild. Honey, the fans don't like the look of the song. We're gonna gut this, we're gonna rebuild. Honey, the fans don't like the look of the song. They hate the way the audio based medium looks. I'm gonna start doing what I did in late high school, early college where I was just trying out different personalities.

Yeah. Remember when I tried to be Patrice for a while, I tried to be Dr. House. You try out Good Podcaster this week? We're like, whoa, Ben was like, kill him, Mike. Badgers are crazy, man. Or whatever the hell. Yeah, I knew a turtle that sailed coke. No, you didn't.

That's a law. I think I'm going to be the guy that starts like, I practice like other guys' stand-up routines that are wildly famous but I think the common man doesn't know the wiser. So I'm gonna go over to the AMPM and I'm gonna be standing in line and be like, what you mean you want some milk and cookies? This boy's a sissy. He, what you, he gonna walk back this, what boy ain't sissy?

Senor, you're doing Bernie Mac? Bernie Mac from Los Kings de Comedie? He wants some milk and cookies. Some milk and cookies. You should do, when you start doing standup, you should just, every set you do is like a different five minutes from Rogan's special. Yeah, and that'll kill.

I didn't see it. And the great thing about that is you only have to remember one joke for that five minutes I watched it. I didn't see it. What'd you guys think of it? Uh, it kind of blew my mind a little bit Yeah, he went there broke down barriers for me. It's some of the best stand-up. I've seen from 2012 Yeah, I love Roga, but it's just it's just very funny. He looks like a midget salsa dancer I know he's got this weird shirt on he's got a normal mic that looks like a midget salsa dancer on stage. He's got this weird shirt on. He's got a normal mic that looks like a baton.

I'm sorry. His tits are sweating because it's some sort of weird testosterone, steroid sweat coming out of his nipples. He kind of looks like a baby. I showed you, I added him into the bouncy buddy thing for Ben's baby. Yeah, he's in a little chair. The little bouncing baby toy. The Jolly Jumper. The J he's in a little chair. It's a little bouncing baby toy.

The Jolly Jumper. The Jolly Jumper, yeah. Mm-hmm. I love Rogan, you know, we all know this, but like, yeah, it was fun, it was interesting. It's just funny to watch like a guy with that much money still be like, tonight's the big night, I better not blow it. Like imagining a billionaire walking around like, fuck, okay, hold on. Dicks are like pussies, but for men.

Like thinking about stand up all the time. Checking the stool that has assume my gender written on a piece of paper. The segue. I saw a couple good bits that made me LOL. Yeah? A couple of them, yeah, but I don't know if I was like laughing at him a little bit, but that's fine

Cuz it's okay to cuz he's like little and he's shouting and like he kind of looks like Mario when he cuz sometimes He does the Super Mario thing. Yeah himself into starfish. Yeah, it's just kind of funny seeing him like stand up Yeah, like not even the act of doing stand up just seeing him stand up, not even the act of doing stand up, just seeing him stand up is weirdly, it's just bizarre, like an uncanny valley thing. You're like. You should be sitting at a wood oak table. It's like if the little guy in the head in Men in Black,

the little baby, the baby man. The homunculus alien. Is sitting in the head, if you saw him on a stage also, you're like, but you're the supreme leader like we just know you from sitting and talking him out of breath be like trans kids Litter boxes I Think I Don't know I like the bit about the lesbian. I thought that was funny

What was that one was like they he goes you ever been on a date with a woman and she goes I gotta let you know something the past ten years I've been in a relationship with a lady and then he goes oh right right right that was that's like finding a Mustang with a tarp over it in a garage somewhere that was good everybody goes we're struggling to survive we don't relate to these references. What was fun, because it is in San Antonio, at the end when he's like, thank you San Antonio, you guys are fun. Everybody's struggling to stand up for like three minutes as the cameras are like swinging out over like a herd of wildebeests. It looks like the Lion King when Mufasa's dying. It's just, ah! You wanna know what he?

They like literally, like a herd of cattle, they walked out of the Coliseum into the river and just drowned. Like lemmings, they just went over the side. You know what, when I was watching it, it kind of had the feeling of like, imagine you have a really precocious nine-year-old kid, but he has like $700 million and tons of influence

over the country. But he still comes into the room during dinner parties and he wants to show you his tricks, and everyone's like, very good, very good little Rogan. Very good. They're like, laugh at Rogan or he'll wish you into the cornfield. I know it's very, it should be like,

Orson Welles should have directed that special Yeah, he's a billionaire who just wants one thing to be good at stand and I like him I love Rogan, but everybody knows his stand-up is it's just yeah, it's not good It's fine. You know judge like Quinn Tarantino for his prose or his novels like you just judge him by films I do I wrote him a letter. I said you not enough n-words in this book I wrote him a letter. I said you know enough n-words in this book Your money back I bought the Kindle and I went control F in and I go 35 results I need a refund No, thank you. Yeah return to sender. Yeah, no, it's just more It's you're watching him like kind of like almost bomb a couple there was a few times where I'm like you don't say that joke

Usually that way. You're like, you're mixing it up now. You're fighting. You're like, holy shit. Because it was live. It was. Yeah. Yeah.

You can't pump in the laughs or anything. Well, I think what a lot of people don't understand, I've heard that people like Dave Chappelle. Sure. Or Joe Rogan. Right. I don't know if this is about Rogan specifically. Those guys apparently, they. They're in the same league, comedically.

I mean, Dave is less funny than Joe now. Dave fucking sucks my ass. I'd rather watch Dave Chappelle shoot a trans person in the head than the new Rogan special. Because at least Chappelle would do it. I'd be like, wow, he still just has this weird cartoonish way of moving his body with the gun. He's just a natural funny talent. And I'd be like, oh, I learned something about pimps today.

That's nice. It's true. I would love to see Bugged Bunny in a dramatic role. Yeah. Because that's what he's kind of doing, his version of when Jim Carrey started doing the number 23 and stuff like that. He's just being very, very serious. he's making those paintings that suck. Yeah. Yeah, he's going gas be mode The Rogan moves like a gas be like a dinosaur

Like he moves like a pterodactyl like the whole upper body needs to move at the same Like the same time it's he's he looks like a taxidermy human He looks like stuff what's funny. He looks like he taxidermy human. He looks stuffed. Well it's funny, he looks like he should be 12 feet tall the way he moves. Like he's in a mechsuit. Exactly, there's just something so fascinating. You're five four.

Dude, in my opinion, the first 20 minutes, I put it on last night when I got home and I was just like, what is he? Is that Joe Rogan? I feel like it was like seeing somebody you've never seen in the wild before Dude, I yeah, you've seen him in person before right or now. Uh, yeah, I've seen him at the Comedy Store couple Yeah, I remember the first time I saw him outside the improv and I was I was so tiny

I was like holding my thumb up with like one eye closed cuz I kind of I kind of I was like I need to remember The scale for later to tell people how tiny it was kind of weird. Yeah, I know, you wanna go like, fuck, you look so big in that chair. How many fucking dictionaries they got under you? He's in a booster seat the whole time on the show. I would hope if he broke it and snapped all of our necks right now. He also could kill us all very easily.

He could kill us all, and he could pay to have us killed. Millions and millions of times over. Yeah, you silly bitch! Get it together, bitch! Come on, he's kind of awesome though. I love Joe Rogan. I truly love Joe Rogan. He actually kicks ass though. It's just he's so big now. It's just like, it's just part of the course. It's just silly.

It's like defending. Your light went out. You said earlier it would never go out. You see, I can see a million fans just cracking their knuckles. Excellent. What's the time stamp? They go, yep, 1350. Sending us to Red Bar. Red Bar was right about you. Do you want to try and get it up real quick?

Yeah, why did it die? Well, it's because I, well, I originally wanted it. So the problem is with the key lights up. You have no, no one can see you now. No one can see me, yeah. Ah! So the. Ah!

It just, we can't figure anything out. I've been working on this for like 14 days. You've been working so hard. And the light goes out on you specifically. Why'd it go out? Well, so I wanted this to be, the hard thing with this, with the key lights, is getting it not to reflect here. So like I got yours kind of honed in.

Jace keeps leaning forward out of it. They're gonna critique me on that. That's fine. Oh, sorry. Let me lean back real quick. I didn't know you'd be a lean forward guy. Well, you know, I gotta, I gotta accentuate my punch lines, you know?

Do the old Norm McDonald lean in. He really is. So you do, you make an- And now I have computers. I have everything all over the room because I'm supposed to be sitting over here now. And it's so much more difficult. And the fans are right.

We did spend $120,000 building this. It wasn't out of the kindness of a great man's heart. Should I just do iPhone light? Why don't you take my red light? Have my red light, cause I got light from here now. Cause now you look like you're telling a spooky story. There we go, iPhone. Oh yeah, yeah, do the iPhone light. Look at this fuck. Yeah, that's good. It looks like you're telling a spooky story. There we go, there's the iPhone. Oh yeah, yeah, do the iPhone light.

Look at this fuck. Yeah, that's good. It looks like you're telling racist ghost tales. And he had the hook hand because of diabetes. Did you see people commenting? They go, can you see the studio and audio? Fine. Did people comment that?

I saw four, count them, four comments. You think they were trying to go along with jokes we've made like that? I don't know, man. I don't trust, I don't really trust anybody at this point after reading a lot of things. I could literally see a fan trying to look through a keyhole by putting his ear to it.

Like he thinks that's where his eyes are. He's like, I can't see shit. Yeah. He thinks he's the Pan's Labyrinth monster. It's so funny. We had like 900 comments in three hours on YouTube. It was unbelievable. Actually, the U Count does not go up.

YouTube does not let us. YouTube hates us. They do not suggest us to anybody. Within a year or two, we'll be on a website. Well, all the other shows where they say, you know. We'll be wanted by the law in two years. Where they say words that are funny, they all get censored out on the other YouTube channels,

and then those get recommended in the bullshit. They bleep them out, yeah. But we're fucking hardcore, dude. We give you raw, uncut comedy. Big slur. We're fucking, get it together, bitch. We're some silly bitches over here. Get it together, bitch.

Oh, I was thinking we should call the studio Big Slur if we need a name, because it's like the stars over Big Slur. I like it. Whale! It's like the W to the wrestler big show. Whale! It's a big slur! And then it's just, it's.

The mic came out! Ben! Ben loves this. Oh, god. Your life's falling apart in front of us. It just really goes to show that no amount of time spent on anything is ever cared about. I'm going to say it's actually Ben's psyche that's causing this. This studio is now a representation of his mind.

I'm going to be Birdie Mag for now on. You guys better get ready. You're wearing velour tracksuits everywhere? Yes sir. What were we talking about anyway? We were talking about silly bitches. Silly bitches. Get it together, bitch.

I do have a few things. We should have a cut out of like Roseanne doing like heroin yoga behind us. It looks like any room you walk in at the mothership. Ben, we're actually gonna light your face with a picture of Ron White's red head. Just shining. I will say one thing real quick.

This is a work in progress, this whole thing. Slowly, it's a one piece at a time. We're figuring it out. We revamped stuff. Ben wanted to do a thing where he was standing. But I understood everyone's complaints about you not being in the shots with us. I totally understood that.

Well, you look like I was in a producer booth, like I was some producer fag. In the studio, he's three feet from us. It feels so incredibly intimate. This room is so small. Yeah. And once I get the lighting locked in, I really want to do a true detective with you two. What do you mean? Like, you want to molest us and kill us?

Once I get the lighting locked in and the screen isn't affecting everything, because I got the key lights all set up I want to have like cool like a camcorder look on both you I can switch sometimes To you guys, but it looks good this time. Yeah, but it looks good Well, I did really cheap cameras. I got from best buy. Here's another thing from like chain We were we just needed to record an episode. Yeah, we had to put something out So we were like well, we know that takes three or four weeks off. We already moved into this place, so we had to get it up and running and just record,

because once again, it's audio based. And I- You're kind of a huge faggot if you keep looking at podcasts, like, can you believe it, look at that, that tile in the left corner's kinda coming undone. This really affects the thing that I listen to. I called the OSHA guy, they did not file this with the city. Your ass is going down.

We really needed, I wanna do like Queer Eye but with Redbar, where he comes in and critiques podcast videos. I'd watch a whole series on Netflix. He makes our entire life much worse. That guy's king of production. But I will say this, I think it I think it looks fine in here. I like the way I look when I'm looking at looks good and I don't understand what

people it's also not that like we're fine. I have room. You have room. We all have room. We're doing great. It looks cool to me. I don't understand. I do want to get a sleeping machine. What people want. Of course. Of course. No, of course you do. Yeah. No, we'll get a catheter in here? What people want, of course, of course. Of course you do. No, we'll get a catheter with a fucking sugar water you can inject midway through the show. You want an old Chinese lady in the corner

with a bunch of buffet trays. Charlie gets China Express. Half chow mein, half fried rice. The fans love her way more than us. Double orange chicken. Yeah, well, because she makes the most black jokes on the show. She go, you eat more chicken than Patrice O'Neil.

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like they won't put out episodes for like fucking weeks. Like on their Patreon, this shit would be probably paying. And they're like, love that he took the time off. Good for them. He needs it. I could tell he needed a vacay. They're just tired from doing standup every night and not giving a shit about us at all. I'm glad he... They're just exhausted from repeating themselves every night.

I mean... Where they're on stage for a whole hour, they don't even know what they're saying anymore. They don't give a shit. You don't know how hard it is to read your dates into the camera. It's really tough to remember all those dates. August 10th, the Virgil meeting, Conor McNaughton,

I think there's 20 tickets left, so it's gonna sell out and then there's ones at the door. Devin will be there heckling me, I'm sure. Devin will be in the back with a beeping vest. The first day you ever post tour dates is gonna really, it's gonna hurt my heart, but I'm also very proud of you. It's a bold move.

It's a bold move. You're a reinventer. Yeah. You ever look at somebody's tour dates and it's almost. I know what you're gonna say. What are you gonna say? I don't know if you know what I'm gonna say. I know exactly.

Can I say what you're gonna say? Okay. Then it looks like their tour dates look like the like they were alive Literally was hung over like a week ago and somebody posted like a tour date where it was just like July 1st July 3rd, and I was like I was like he only lived for two days Just like a picture of him and it kind of looked like a death picture It was like a picture of him and it kinda looked like a death picture.

Yeah. I love the, we know open micros who will go on tour, a tour where they lose $15,000 to get drunk around the, and they'll play cities that don't exist. They're like, April 15th, I'm in Question Mark, Kentucky, come on out. Yeah, we used to know a lot of those people that would set up fake tours and be like,

we've been hitting the road and it's like no one knows you're coming, no one knows what's happening, no one knows you. The venues, you haven't even booked anything. People are just going across the country ruining people's tater totting experience. You're on a road trip and you're hunting for microphones. You're entire tour is a guy in overalls who just got done with his farm job going,

huh, oh shit. Fuck, they're doing gay stand up, fuck. Around eight p.m. every night at a bar that's packed with people having fun. I'm gonna ruin everyone's time. Yeah. No, but yes, August 10th, Cringe. Cringe, the show Cringe. Devin named it. I did, yeah, but yes August August 10th cringe cringe the show Chris Devon named it

Like I did. Yeah, I guess I did. It's a good name Connor city eyes You've heard a name and you thought of the stand-up show cringe Yeah, I was like, but uh, you know go with the flow of you know Or now we're gonna keep doing it this more as venue though Oh that venue sucks and you guys are all signing up for a real weird night. No, can I get some advice? It's gonna be fun, but the place fucked up in the parking lot of the 7-eleven Please everybody get drunk before yeah, and what is the venue? It's the Virgil dude. It's a $13 Takata can. Oh yeah, a ticket link in the description here

I think they'll all be gone at this point though. I've boycotted that place for a while They were COVID warriors for a long time. Yes, they used to be like. It wasn't like a double max masks place. No, truly, like yeah, you had to show proof of like eight vaccinations to like get in. There was, they had like proof of booster shit. They're like, you had to do.

People didn't know I did the liberal bubble we live in. They don't know, that's why we're so pissed off all the time. You had to prove you had, you had to prove you had myocarditis to get in the bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's gonna be one guy in the crowd. It's Brawny James. Just brick and three pointers in the crowd.

Yeah, no, it was, I'm actually very surprised they're letting you guys do it. But money's money. If you guys sell tickets, they don't care, I guess. But that place was really obnoxious back in the day. Yeah, I wonder what they'll let me say on stage or if they'll be a little upset with the... When you're already up there, you can do whatever you want.

Just while you're up there, start thinking of new venues for the next show. Well, we want to think of a place that the hate watch, the live-in party people could come hang, whether it's weekly or bi-monthly or whatever. It really sucks that that place closed down with the drunk Australian that ran it. There was this place called the MKM Cultural Arts Center.

Oh that place shut down? Yeah that guy literally, the last, Connor's last show there, they closed two days later. He was like, it's the last day, Mike, I don't know. That fucking guy stole my booze one time. He literally took a bag of my booze out of the green room. Scammed us out of money after the show. He scammed me out of 200 bucks.

He goes, Mike, listen, you made a fucking kid into normal. He looked like fucking Australian Bruce Ville Lanch. I kind of liked him though. There was something about him I liked. Well, he was shitty to your face, which you kind of do respect You got a respect we were setting up and then would be like, oh can I get another cable? He's like I don't give a fuck what you do, mate I think he thought it was gonna be a terrible stand-up show Yeah, all these people actually showed up

It was like that guy in New York when we did the New York live shows like Ben was like we there people will probably Want to buy merch or whatever and then he's like, I mean, how many people are really gonna wanna buy merch? And you were like, okay, just wait, and then it was a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. And we were like, there is a person you'll probably have to put in handcuffs. He's like, I'm sure there's a person

who'll have to get arrested and thrown in a gutter. You gotta just wait, manipulate mansplain, just landed. He sent me a King James version of the Bible that smells like weed. We have a track on him. No, he did, I went and checked the P.L. Box, he sent me a King James version of the Bible that smells like weed. No, he did. I went and checked the PO box. He sent me in a picture. I knew it was him just because he had written

the same message in the Bible 15 times. For reference, by the way, he got thrown out of the New York show twice. He's since apologized for his, he flew from London to the New York show. And we knew he was coming. We thought he might behave himself a little bit. It's a pretty funny bit.

He spent 12 hours traveling to get thrown out in 15 seconds. It's actually a really funny bit. And then he threw up out front. He threw up out front. He came back in. But then he posted on the Patreon, I think, weeks later. He's like, I feel really embarrassed. But I did get to see New York.

I wandered the streets. I saw a lot of places. It wasn't all bad. I had a three-hour layover, I got to walk around a bit. God bless these people, dude. That's so fucking awesome. Well then he came to the second show too, don't forget, he got kicked out before that one even started.

He came to bug. He accidentally groped people. He was trying to balance and I think he grabbed a woman's... Yeah, it wasn't... He literally grabbed a woman's titties to like hold himself up. No, it wasn't rape, it was like sexual assault. It was like.

He was assault one. He mailed me a King James version of the Bible and I flipped through it like when Llewellyn Moss is flipping through the money to see if there's like a tracker in it. I was like flipping through it. Yeah, there's a black mamba in it like kill Bill. He's just planning to kill you.

It smelled like weed but actually I read it. It has good energy, it's a good Bible. Well you know he stamped his balls on it like it was a passport. Yeah I like Psalms, the prose is good. You read the Bible? I listen to Psalms on audiobook all the time. Really? Yeah it it's rich.

Because I got into Melville and the Moby Dick and shit. The gay hatred? Yeah. You start dancing. They should eat you. They should stone. He does. He's just reading the Old Testament.

So that's kind of true. That's cool. Yeah. I mean, when you like the old gay shit, like Moby Dick and stuff, then you start realizing, you realize that a lot of it is just influenced by the King James Version of the Bible, which is the most popular book

and the greatest work of literature. Everyone's agreed in terms of just the prose and style. Who wrote it though? I don't like a book where there's no author. Moby Dick? Who wrote the Bible? Daryl Aronofsky You know I just, the Bible is cool, I just don't know who to give credit to What is kind of inspired by God

Really? There's a bunch of contributors So it's kind of like a zine Yeah, it's like a magazine Yeah exactly It's like the national lampoon It's like mad magazine. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like Nashville. Yeah, it's like the Babylon B. There's Take they take advice from the audience And they steal stories from other major religions to make it just like the Babylon B That's just the liquor I got it's good that was just all over the the place You know, it's like podcasting with a raccoon or some shit

Podcasting with a wild animal. I should have got a wild game like webcam White shiny eyes, I just put out a white claw and just crack it and just like wait. I'm like I'm like glassing. You're like, you're getting tired. You see you see Devon like 30 minutes. You fast forward 30 minutes on the camera. Joey's come in and he's mounted Devon. They're fighting over the white claw like those two bears.

You showed me upstairs. We're watching bear the white claw, like those two bears you showed me upstairs. We're watching bear fights. Yeah, we were watching bear fights. And I'm not talking Tom's a girl over his burnt brain. Whoa! Hey! I'm not talking about the vicious fights they get into off air.

The minute the cameras stop rolling. Do you think they fight? I think Tom whips Bird around a little bit. Yeah, I can see that, man. I think he really dresses him down from time to yeah, probably Yeah, like gets in his like shows him against a wall. Did you guys just see what happened with Robert F Kennedy jr. Yeah, he's been killing bears cut the baby bears and leaving him in Central Park or something, right? Yeah, I just as I was setting it up setting up. I saw something on Twitter. Is that legit? No, I watched the video. Yeah, I think he admitted to it.

Well, he only admitted it because the story was coming out next week, so he wanted to get. He's trying to get ahead of it, right? He's trying to get in front of it, like he has any chance to win the election at all. No one cares, dude. You're not gonna be in the running.

I know, he has his campaign manager election weekend. He's like, yeah, do whatever you want. Do whatever you want. You can admit to killing baby bears. I don't mind, whatever. He's telling it to Roseanne. He's telling the story of how he saw somebody hit a bear, roadkill, he put it in the back of his car

because he's like, I'm gonna dress it. He forgot about the bear and then he had a flight to catch and he's like, I don't wanna leave the bear in the back of my car. And he's like, so I left it in Central Park and I tried to pretend that it was killed by a bicyclist. Was he like driving through New Jersey and hit a baby bear?

Yeah, he was like driving like Long Island or something, I think, and hit a, saw somebody hit a bear. So he kept it in his trunk like a mobster's like. And he goes, he goes, I guess that's just the redneck in me. And I'm like, your dad is Bobby Kennedy. What are you talking about? He says that's the redneck in me.

That's the redhead, because everyone gets fucking domed in that family. Am I right folks? Am I right? Hey, we're fucking, we're cooking. So cooking with Gazi. I was doing to myself, I was having a little fun doing like a Jeff Fox where they like,

if your grandpa made your aunt retarded because she embarrassed you in front of the King of Prussia, you might be a redneck. So Bobby got shot, right? Yes, Bobby got shot. By Sirhan. Sirhan, Sirhan. So and the bullet ricocheted and hit RFK in the throat,

and that's why he sounds retarded. Yeah. So the bullet's lodged in his. So that was part of it, the other part was he ate Marilyn Monroe's pussy too much, and then it gave him the Michael Douglas. Yeah, Catherine's out of Jones disease the pussy diseases She's given to everybody. Yeah, that's why he talks like a mentally retarded person while being very wise

I don't I hate the nepotism of these things cuz like I don't give a fuck about the guy just because like he was related To the guy who was great. You know it's just it doesn't mean anything to me. I don't respect dynasties and in any form of media. It's a total grift. You go, oh, well my dad did all the hard work while just like, get on this surfboard while the wave is still high and ride this at man. And wasn't his dad just like a guy

that like made a fucking like magazine company in New York and shit? Or is that not? His grandpa maybe? Who was the Kennedy that was just kind of like a? Their dad made all the money Joe Kennedy I think no, okay I don't know he basically bought the you know is the the Kennedys were born to die like they're just supposed to all

Like die and weird tragic way. They're like notorious big yeah Their longest living family member was retarded and chained in a basement. Yeah, she was about like 89 I liked her. I liked the fat guy who killed the lady and crashed his car in the river. Chappaquiddick. He was cool. Yeah.

Chappaquiddick. Yeah. Is that was his name? Ted Kennedy, I think. Very good. Pretty cool. Yeah. It's really a rule.

Thank God. It allowed for succession to have a great first season ending. So Ted Kennedy, I looked into it. He into it, he didn't want to be caught fucking a fat lady, and so he's like, I gotta kill her. And then he went to court and then he got off. Because they're like, your honor, she was a great big fat lady, he didn't want to get caught. He goes, your honor, she sunk so fast.

The car just went down, what was I supposed to do? His arteries were like rocks. Yeah. It was just like. I like to think like right before he opened the car door to swim away, he just honked the titty one last time and then fucking swam away. Just squeezed them.

Yeah. He assaulted her on her way to hell. Yeah. Ma'am, ma'am, there's no who's who in hell, so let me just honk one of them big, them big jelly rolls real quick. Well he's actually, like, RFK is gonna, this hit piece thing, there's like rape stuff in it.

Yeah, there's tons of, he raped all the hit pieces. But it is funny to be like, I'm not gonna get in front of the rape, the baby, the bear thing. Yeah, I did, so here's the thing, I did the ending of Blood Meridian when I was a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah!

There was an outhouse, I shot a bear, I don't really know. See, the thing is, I'm a bit of a redneck and I'll never die. I'm a metaphor for death. I was playing a fiddle. I was playing a big fiddle. I'm a 6'7 bald man and I'm a metaphor for the inescapable nature of death.

No, the rape thing was, that was a separate one, but somebody brought that up because he raped his babysitter. Oh really? Yeah. Why did she, she said no? Yeah. She told him to go to bed at 8 p.m.

and he was like, I'll fuck it, I'll show you bitch. And then there was an interview where he said in his retarded little voice, he goes, listen, I've said many times that if all the skeletons in my closet could vote, I'd win the election in a landslide, which is, his offense is like, listen, there's a lot more rapes you don't know about. So who gives a shit?

Interesting, well, I don't buy it. Everyone's a rapist these days. I'm so sick of hearing about anyone being a rapist. It's over I don't know if I rate we're post rape or a post rape society Are we not do you think you've raped? No, no, Jace You think you've read everyone that is in mainstream and in the public there's gonna be a rape thing that comes out I may have raped every single one of them. Who'd you rape? I don't know, probably I raped. Connor told me a story the other day,

apparently we had a falling out, and I don't know about it. Yeah, right, right. Apparently me and Connor weren't friends for a few years because I did something fucked up to him and explained it, and I told Katie about it, she goes, yeah, I remember that. Yeah.

I have no memory of it. Yeah, you were pretty trunked during the whole time. It was crazy, yeah. Connor told me some stories that are like, he's like my stenographer for five years, I have no idea Connor needs to write my memoir if I ever write Connor has an amazing memory The Irish remember fucking everything because they take it all into their heart and it slowly yeah

Yeah, yeah Connor just keeps telling me story after it's been great reconnecting with him since he came back from New York Yeah, yes Christ you were fear and loathing for years. Yeah, I was apparently I was at a Dodger game one time Connor told me and then I just left He put a bomb in his car Yeah, I was at the the Olympics in Atlanta Yeah, there's a fat security guard so big fat guy you go I'm gonna do something fine security guard. You saw a big fat guy go, I'm gonna do something funny. I'm gonna ruin this fatso's life.

But have a real good night. Apparently I ran away from the Dodger game and then no one knew where I was, I just was gone. I remember this night, I heard about it, it was lore, it was history. I don't remember that part.

You ran to another comics house and then you went. That was like, no, that was like eight miles away. Dude, Dodger games in at like eight. I don't know what I did because I knocked on his door like three in the morning and he was like, what the fuck are you doing?

You went to a guy's house, a comics house, and then. My phone was dead and I was wandering Los Angeles and I go, I used to run open mic behind this house. And you went, you slept on his couch and then you jacked off on his couch. I came to at some point and I jacked off, I jed I didn't think I just in my sock though in my defense And I put the sock back I'm taking you home to my wife. You know, it's crazy. He lived with like three women. I know

Comics and yeah, and you do real woke and I just fucking ripped You were telling the story. You're like I was pretty converted I like to think that like zooming out of your POV you're like He's like hitting the wall like Dude and then I was gone like seven in the morning. I. I was like Anton Chagr, I was just. Just a vapor in the wind. Was I even really here? You're like Jason Bourne, you just disappeared.

Dude, it's like I could have been anybody. Yeah. I could have been anybody, I was like T2. Well, that's the beauty of drinking, is you have different identities, like every eight hours. Why did I jack off? Why'd I jerk off? Because you wanted to come.

You were probably in the hangover phase. You're like, God, when you're hungover, you get a little weirdly horny. So you jacked off, hungover, and then you woke up at seven, you go, I gotta, is there any bars over there? I gotta get to the drawing group. Justin Roiland's there right now.

I gotta play patty kick with Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland. You walk in and Justin Roiland's like, me Chinese. He's like, dude, like ayear-old and trying to fuck. Ching chong bing bong. Ching chong bing bong. Me a rap you. Just Snapchatting a 14-year-old girl and going,

Ching chong bing bong. At 7 AM, they were insane. Every time I went to the drawing room, him and Dan Harmon were just doing an Eiffel Tower of sexual assault. It was insane with those guys. This is how you know they're fucked up. I was there.

I was there in the other dark corner and we were the only people there. And also Dino Stantonopoulos was there, but he kicked ass. Dino fucking rules. I've seen Dino at many bars and he does rule. He fucked with Ben one time. Do you remember that? Yeah, we were watching the World Series We were sitting next to each other the bar Dino we just knew he was Dino and Dino Sanatopoulos was Louis CK's like

Gary writer from the 90s. Yeah, you know more oral. Yeah his show Yeah, he star burns in community if you've watched that Dino Samatopoulos Dino's a fucking like comic genius doesn't get enough credit but but he has that bit in the Comedy Store special about the Greek guy he knows with the Name Dino. That's yeah. Yeah the N word with the forklift bit. Yeah. Yeah, that's Dino. Yeah But anyway, we were watching the World Series Dodgers and we're going Ben was like yelling like yeah yeah, they scored a run. Then what did Dino do? He would wait, he would wait 10 seconds,

way after a play was over, and he would go, ah, ah! And he would look around with a shit eating grin like this. He was like fucking with Ben, it was so funny. It was great, yeah. That's great. He's awesome. Yeah, he rules.

He kicks ass. He kicks ass, but he drinks next to child rapists. Well, the Justin Roiland thing, I think we were all a little too hard on him. Yeah, did he rape or was he just lame in DMs? I think he was just lame because there's, I think there's literally a DM where he's like, God, I'd love to rape you, but then I get canceled.

And that was like one of the DMs that we- But that is enough. Yeah. You go, I'd love to rape you, but then I'd get canceled. And that was like one of the DMs that we- But that is enough. You go, I'd love to do this, but I can't because of laws and moral reasons. Yeah, it's like standing outside of a bank with a gun. It's still kind of illegal. Even if you don't go in. Wreck!

Wreck! I sent Ching Chong Bing Bong tax to a 13 year old asking for sex! Dude, speaking of Ching Chong Bing Bong, Rogan starts doing Chinese voice. a Qingchong bing bong text to a 13 year old asking for sex. He's speaking in a Qingchong bing bong, Rogan starts doing Chinese voice. He does. He says China did COVID and he starts going, oh, we did COVID because we for China.

We love to do COVID and shit. We're suing him. That is intellectual property theft. There were two jokes. One of the jokes he already did on one of his albums. I don't know if you visit r slash Joe Rogan at all. Before this new special, I listened to all the old great hits.

I love his album. Well, I love Rocky Mountain High, actually. Rocky Mountain High, it's the only time he's actually good at comedy, is 2015 Rocky Mountain High. Yeah, it's a good special. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But the other thing is he does the Demetri Martin bit about gays took this

Rainbow pretty greedy gays. It's like word-for-word a Demetri Martin joke Mm-hmm in Demetri is like, please do not do not credit me for that now. I'm I Don't know what I think a lot of those guys got like HIV or something. They're like all gone I don't know what guys yeah I don't know what happened to them a lot of them faked autoimmune disorders and canceled their tours because they stopped being theater acts. So then they just said they had like lupus and then they just, I think they went out

in the Gobi Desert and just like shot themselves. They're being picked apart by hawks right now. It's like Paris, Texas. They're just wandering the desert. And they were gonna glass through the 13-year-old they raped in 2004, back when it was cool. Yeah, I think a lot of those guys, once everybody got damn woke, they just were like,

oh, I have to go underground, and they never resurfaced. Mad respect for Kumail for getting jacked and getting out of that. You gotta evolve out of the thing you are and become something else entirely to survive. Kumail? You gotta evolve like the species. I heard he was a dick grabber, by the way.

I've heard that from a couple people. That makes sense. I know a couple New York comics that he reached for the dick a couple times on him. So he's secretly gay. Secretly, you know, maybe bi, gay. He only dates like sick women. And...

And... Because they're too tired to have sex with him. Because he doesn't want to, because he finds sex with women disgusting. The big, yeah. The big stick is about the AIDS he contracted in 2008. Just Kumail dating another woman in a hospital gown who has no energy.

Going like, oh no, I love you despite this actually. He's also, he's not only secretly gay, he's secretly Pakistani. A lot of people don't know that. A lot of people don't know about that. He had a slave, by the way, growing up. I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah, that's a documented thing.

He is. There's an Easter egg on a Call of Duty map where you can visit Kumail's home and you see his slave in his bedroom. Shot in the bedroom. It's Josh Brawlett and Sicario Toad. He's like, you see that fucking home? We're gonna fucking bomb this shit to the ground

if you don't fucking put deodorant on. Kumail and that shit make a scene. No, no my friend, no. Just let me do shitty arts, it's spacious. Kumail was fun. I mean, I don't know, I watched that big sick movie I thought was fine. It was probably one of the last OK comedies. Fuck Judd Apatow. I'm not.

I'm never. I agree. I want to boycott heavyweights even. He's the only guy I actually want to boycott because of who he's become. Yeah. And I'm not a boycott guy. I logged into Facebook for a second because I was trying to buy a big chair for me to sit in.

Of course. And a very, very big chair for me to sit in of course And I'm very very good Facebook marketplace. Love it. That was most of the budget went to Ben's chair Mm-hmm and the egg salad I made to fuel me to build the studio But I want a Facebook mark a Facebook for a second and like every single status was about Boycotting the Olympics because it's left this woke cut part. Did you guys see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't think that was a real thing, that people were actually boycotting the Olympics because it's Marie Antoinette's head at the beginning. Oh, they hated the last song. They had Deborah DeGiovanni do the opening ceremony. What a rest, man. I know that. What a rest. I don't know why that's hilarious, ridiculous person

to bring up. A woman who did shows right away complaining that no one wanted to fuck her. I mean, if we're gonna be this bitch, it is. That was insane, I need to say, actually. We should just start naming the open micers we make fun of all the time. No, dude, I saw that the people who made the documentary

about Louie getting canceled with the New York Times. They're all doing stand up after this. Yeah, so there's a documentary called, was it called? Sorry Not Sorry. Sorry Not Sorry, and it was made by the New York Times, and it's premiering in LA, and the documentary's about how they won and beat Louie CK and cancel them successfully.

Which I don't know what- But also he's not canceled as well at the same time. But they're also set. He's killing it. In the documentary they're also like, but we're also pretty pissed, it didn't work. And here's what's great after the premiere, that once the movie ends, the whites come on

and they go on stage and they start doing stand-up sets. Yeah, you get to watch the worst comics of all time. Bomb. And you go, ah, thank God we got him out of stand-up. And even people that hate Louie that watch the documentary, they're like, can we go back to a couple clips of Louie in the doc that you showed? Those are great. What if they're showing clips of a stand-up

and it's killing in the theater? Yeah. People are cheering. Just so ridiculous. That's so funny. But why does that legitimize them as comics if they just go it's bad what he did and then so here now I get to prop up my career.

Which that's what it's about. That's the problem. I mean listen, I'm sure the listeners are annoyed with us, we get into this way too much. Well it's fucking bullshit. Louie is the guy of our generation. He's one of the best two ever doing it if not the best. I think he's the greatest stand up of all time.

I think he's the most prolific comedian ever. And that show is perfect. That show on FX was fucking perfect. It was the best. He's probably my favorite ever. But, besides Patrice. It's just they took- But he has a bigger career than Patrice,

so he's better than Patrice just cause he did way more. But- They took everything from us by- They did. They did. I imagine he was gonna keep making movies, yeah. They took everything from us by, by. They did. They did. I imagine he was gonna keep making movies, he was gonna get so much money,

he could find any project he wanted, he could just keep going and going, and instead he would take a back seat. I know. And I'm not even trying to shit on these guys, because like, but like, like, yeah, it just sucks, because like, when he got canceled, it's like, this is, this is,

listen, he would never, he would never be hanging out with a lot of people he's been hanging out with. He wouldn't be wasting his time. It's like, that's what bothers me about the cancellation is that it's like, is he, Louis flew out to do Bert Krash's show. Are we kidding, what the fuck?

I would rather him be making like, DNC comedy. Just cause he's so famous that he's doing that now. You can see him literally on Burt's show. It hits him like the moment of like, well this is what it's all been coming to. There's a few moments where you could see him realize, oh this is the cancellation. Not the article, not a, you know,

not Barbara Streisand not returning my phone calls. There was a few moments where you're like, oh this is the punishment is I'm doing Zoom shows about Stanley Kubrick. And I should be fucking Louis C. Cash and be making another show and doing a million things. And also taken down by the worst people, the smallest people in comedy.

Andy Kindler was selling his drink tickets for that show for money. Oh God, he's so happy someone just said his name. It's been years. He's like a genie in a lamp, he just came alive. Oh, that's the only thing keeping Andy Kindler alive is people saying his name. Once every seven years.

His whole thing was he would go to JFL and they'd be like, oh, he sucks ass, and he does the whole thing about how he sucks ass, and he's angry at people that are talented and great. But that's funny, because he sucks ass or something, and that's the joke. If I was a billionaire, I'd write him a check for $20 million.

I'd go, go make a really funny pilot. Do anything. And then I would, and let's see how bad it sucks ass. Do you see him going after Stavros on Twitter? Yeah. He's acting like Stavros is some big political guy. He asked Mulaney to publicly condemn Stavros. Like he's a US Senator or something.

That's so funny. And then he responds to your girlfriend trying to fuck her. Oh yeah, he tried to fuck my girlfriend for a long time, still follows her, still responds to her. My girlfriend is like. We should get Ida to meet too him. We should make our own sorry not sorry about 80 killer trying to fuck Ida. Ida would tweet things him and you make our own sorry not sorry

Ida would tweet like things that there's no way he would like they're like, you know kind of whatever not in his political Realm and he would still be like, no, but I cuz I want your lips around my cock So I like this I like my subpoena tiny nebbish cock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he fucking sucks Well, he he I mean he really steals the show and everybody loves Raymond. Oh my god It's not everybody loves Raymond without Andy. Yeah, the minute the the 30 seconds he's on I go Who's that annoying Jew on the side of the screen? Yes, yeah, yeah, probably he looks like Barton Fink got squished. What are you talking about? Probably looks like Barton Fink got squished. What are you talking about? Fuck you know, I looks like E. Miles Chong and Barton Fink were combined. I was crying I finally I rewatch Barton Fink cuz like with the Cone Brothers. You gotta rewatch everything every decade. Yeah, of course and

I was fucking crying laughing when John Goodman has the in Barton Fink has the shotgun and he puts it up to his To the guy's head and he right before he pulls the trigger, he goes, hail Hitler. And then blows his head off. Yeah, after he runs down the hallway on fire. There's flames behind him, he has a double barrel shotgun, he's walking all fat. Then he goes, hail Hitler.

He cocks the double barrel really cool. And then it rules, because he blows the guy's head off and then he puts the shotgun over his shoulder and goes, hey, Barden, how's it going? Just this ultimate Jewish nightmare. It's a Jewish nightmare. It's a big fat white guy saying, hell Hitler, walking through a hallway that's on fire.

He's fleecing him out of like money and power. That should be the intro for the show, is somebody should add it, Bob's big boy's face over John Goodman. Ronnie even saying, hail Hitler. And then he blows Andy Kindler's head off. Man, he's definitely going to clip this and share it and say we're like anti-Semites and stuff.

Which we're not. Devin's Jewish, by the way, Andy, so you can't get mad at us. And stop trying to fuck everybody's girlfriend. Well, we should put on the patreon because he doesn't have the five dollars to watch it And he's trying to pay for the patreon with quarters he found in slots of old pay phones Do you think when these people find these this podcast by the way? Do you think they think we're legitimately like evil people? Oh, yeah Oh, I think they think everyone's evil they think anyone not voting for who they want disease

I think there's something with Jim if they watch the podcast It's like when we discover those tribes that have been contacted and they're like eating like babies and fucking snakes and shit These guys think like if you call an old retarded man who can't speak any more old that you're evil Like they thought he's the type of guy that thinks if you have any criticism a little item you're evil Right you're being ableist cuz Joe Biden has a yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, that makes sense well, I Don't know man, whatever. I look my heart goes out. Hey, sorry not sorry Very good. I wish we could have made the premier of the

I wanted to go I had it lined up There was like three days in a row, but then I realized I had anything else to do It was at the Lemley and Glendale yeah, and I really did I told you already But I wanted to go Connor and I were gonna go we were gonna buy masks and gloves and go We take pictures up front and go see it and like really. Intimidate everybody? No, just be like we, like the type of people, like we're really into the sorry movie.

Oh sorry, COVID masks. We have COVID masks on. You have the COVID and then like the plastic screen. Medical gloves, we have the welder's mask on. You have a hazmat. Yeah, this is the first time I've been out in four years. Me and my non-binary partner. Yeah, it's on Amazon.

We can watch it tonight, we can rent it. We should rent it and watch it. That'll be good. Yeah, I wanted you guys to bring Joey and then him just like Malcolm X, Andy Kenler. Just like pull a shotgun out of his coat. They are all doing a thing where they're gonna show it and then the three people in the movie

that are making a name off of the talented guy are gonna do bad stand up. That's apparently, people are gonna go to it thinking, oh, Louie made a new movie or a new special or something. His face is the cover of people think it's a new special of his. They're touring with this. They're calling it the original fags of comedy. Very good. Very good. Very good.

Very good. Very good. Yeah, I mean, I don't even know if like the people in this area, like the, I mean the guys who are wearing ladies clothes in this area, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the trans and the gays. I'm talking about dudes who just wear girls clothes. Try hard white guys.

Long hair. Who are normal guys who just wanna be cool and try hard white guys. Long hair. Who are normal guys who just wanna be cool and try to get pussy. Yes, yes. And they've just gone about the most nefarious way of doing it. Well they can't, you know, in 2017 they could even then just like look like

Andrew Garfield in Under the Silver Lake. Now it's like they have to jump through so many hoops to get crazy fucking bucket loads of pussy out here. They got, there has to be guys in Silver Lake and Echo Park that still get tons of fucking pussy. Oh, tons of pussy, dude. Tons of pussy.

Yeah, they do. 2014, 2015. They wear Carhark, the mustache. I saw guys wear like the captain's hats, like that kind of ironic, like bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hunter S. Thompson-y. Guy walking around like General Custer.

Now I see guys, they have to wear the spaghetti string. They just shop at the Quinceanera store. Here's the thing, we're in a post hipster world. There's hipsters that's not really a thing anymore. They're just like normie yuppies now. But they do, they wear the crop top thing. It says like Changa on their chest. They still dress like worthless shitheads, but. You don't see like the penny-farthing bicycles anymore.

Like that all kind of died. That's dead, that's for sure dead. The girls, the show girls, like that era hipster died. No, that's gone. And in a weird way I miss it. Like I kind of miss the. Can I tell you, I loved that period of time. I kind of missed the Williamsburg dips that period of time. I kind of miss the Williamsburg.

Like that. Yeah. Oh, no. Brooklyn hipsters. Yeah. Good fucking music came out of it. Yeah. There's something weird. I hated them so much at the time. And now I'm like, hey, now we have these like soulless guy. Everyone's got a smash burger shop. Mm hmm.

It's just a bunch of. Everybody's got mud and shops. It's just a smash. Bunch of absolute assholes getting smash burgers and trying to reinvent the taco. Yeah, it's so nice. Yeah, they tried to go pond. They tried to go Bourdain because they had to segue

out of pretending to be fucking bisexual to get pussy. Yeah. So then I have to be like, oh, I'm a classic car guy, actually. Yeah, yeah. So take me through this. I have seen that, the people were riding weird, like there's a Suzuki out here with a steering wheel on the other side. Yeah, take me through this how I have seen that the clap that people were riding weird like Suzuki

There's a Suzuki out here with a with a steering wheel on the other side They've got in from like England or some horse man The guys dressed like kind of like Elvis Costello type of vibe just a car that actually sucks ass, but is $85,000 No, it's a guy. It's because you're so you you you you pretend to be cool and normal But yet you're keeping up a car costs you like 15,000 a month to like do the expense. Yeah. A Ford Bronco that's constantly breaking down.

That some guy worked on and like re-fucking furbished or whatever and you got it for 95,000. It still breaks down. All to fuck women who are pretending to have autoimmune disorders. Yes. Women who got sleepy one time and they convinced themselves they have an autoimmune disorder.

Women that have had ALS for 80 years. So let's imagine something right now. They got one hangover and they go, that's it? I have a genetic nerve disease. Let's imagine something right now. Let's pretend we're all 23 again. 22, 23. And we're's pretend we're all 23 again. OK, 22, 23. And we're actually we're cool.

OK, in this scenario. Right. And we're not interested in comedy at all. The only thing we're interested in, actually, you never even heard the name. We say, OK, the only thing you're interested in is getting tons of pussy. Yeah. OK. In Silverlake and Echo Park, you live here, you move here. How do you actually go about now in? 2024 getting all like a hungry hungry hippo Gobble up as much pussy as you can fuck all the hottest babes in this area you do you ready?

You're right. Yeah, you're right. You're right full on Okay, so you get a really sharp knife Yeah, you you just you get a rag you don't take no for an answer I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, you go to open mics and you get into the comedy improv world and you just treat your career the same way women speak to you in the bedroom Nine nos and then finally one yes. Oh I tweeted something really bad as I was walking in here. Let me see if people if it is doing okay You guys what you tweet. I didn't say I didn't see what you tweet. I tweeted I tweeted lots of guys love listening to women tell stories,

but for me, I like their pussy. That's good. I like that. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, no, some guy was really mad at me. Like he thought I actually took my baby in a casino. I saw that. That guy was really upset at you.

He was like, he was a classic, like, sad to see what you've become. Wow. Yeah, your life looks horrible. And so much of cost CPS on you. You're a shit head retard. This is the last message I'll ever send because I'm actively bleeding out. Worth it. Tweet.

Yeah, I just watch shows and I don't know what jokes are. I love comedy shows but I think it's the news. You know those classic casinos that have a miniature slot machine in a person's living room? I love comedy. What happened this week? I love jokes. Tell me what happened this week. I love jokes. Could you read the news and go I think I'm saying with the culture now Oh, that's why I thought of the tweet that with the culture now what I'm saying is is I don't are people like sexy

Positive and stuff. I've been out of the game for a long time boys. I think this is what's happening currently. I think people are going the non-binary route as a guy. Well it can't be the boomer thing of like kids aren't fucking out right? They're surely they're fucking right? There's people fucking and sucking. I don't think Gen Z's really doing it a lot,

but I think like older millennials are like still invested in a punk scene. They've gone fake non-binary because that's a way of kind of making you less threatening as a guy so you can probably get more rapish type of pussy. So you do the 1975 guy type of thing? Yeah, I think what you do is you get a weak, retarded woman who doesn't know better.

You trick her into being one of these polycule type of people and then you just go to town. Oh yeah, you gotta trick her into being one of these polycule type of people, and then you just go to town. Oh yeah, you gotta trick her into being like, actually we're in an open relationship type of thing. Oh that's everybody, I know so many relationships like that. I know so many people and they think it's gonna be this. Long term, like you can laugh. I know, it's very funny.

Why don't you just get a female roommate? Yeah, why don't you just play Russian roulette as a couple and see who wins? Who gives a, like, what are you doing? I was in a polychrome once with Justin Roiland. You know, the creator of Rick and Morty? You guys were both not getting pussy together. I was in a digital polychrome with him,

where we shared the same keyboard and a desktop. You was 22. He was messaging a girl in Ireland. What's up? Sorry, what is the polycule thing? It's just funny. Polycule is when you get like five people and you're like, all right, we're all gonna fucking suck each other in like one relationship.

And the polyamorous thing is when you're with somebody but you both fuck different people, whatever you want. So those people are just, they like, they just wanna have somebody at home They like really love head scratches, but they don't really want to fuck that person at their home They want to walk they want to wake up and then walk outside And there's a very weak white woman like drinking like tea Yeah, and then you just you go so you a black guy fuck the shit out of you last night

She goes yeah You all right cool if I was at a party where the couple is a polycule at some point in the night It was just me and then I look at him be like can I fuck her? Yeah, are you allowed to do that in those communities? I use the bathroom in your bedroom like you're asking yeah bathroom your girlfriend's mouth Like you're asking to cut in and a dance in like the 1800s I'm like can I why can't I fuck you don't look like you want to fuck? Like you're asking to cut in on a dance in like the 1800s? Kinda, yeah. May I?

I'm like, can I, why can't I fuck? You don't look like you wanna fuck her. Why can't I fuck her? And I think with their weird rules, you kind of have to. At that point, I'd kind of let the guy watch, just out of respect. Yeah. I would just block it, I'd just pretend he's not there.

Those relationships, like with the guy, like I've heard of some of those and the guy's not really doing anything, but the woman is doing all of it. Oh yeah, of course. It's like that the when the guy like like I've heard of some of those and the guy's not really doing anything but the woman is doing all of it it's like that the woman might as well be with like like a like a like a doll she wanted a state fair like a teddy like a big like teddy bear thing it's this they just want to have like it's just a teddy bear with like a pulse at home yeah and drifters can win her but they they're like, but I'm gay I fuck women and I've also fucked other men that are good-looking and that I am actually actually attracted to but I do want a teddy bear

That's listening to the daily podcast Keep me updated on the pot about Podcasts on the left or whatever the fuck. Yeah. Oh last podcast last whatever they are. What's the one with John Favreau? Who's not John Favreau? who's not Jon Favreau? I hate that guy. You're not Jon Favreau. What are you talking about? Pod Save America.

Pod Save America. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Last podcast on the left's like a horror podcast. Oh. Henry Zabrowski was very funny. Oh, I thought it was about fucking the damn left. Oh, that's very interesting. No, they came around before anybody gave a shit

about gay ass fucking gay fucking faggot politics. God damn it. All anyone can say, fuck about it. Wait really, Pot About, Pot On the Left is not a political show? No, no, no. It's a horror like serial killer type of show. They do actual great research.

Like they have three episodes about 9-11. Like they don't do like surface bullshit. Pot takes stuff. No, they're really good. No, they actually do great work. Zabroski's very fun. Did I got it wrong? What if I'm gonna meet dude for something or another?

He's not on the show anymore. They had one minute of their podcast who was seven foot and was just raping a storm. Every great crew has that guy. What are you gonna do? Those memes, every crew has the one rapist. Every crew has the one that we all pretend it never happened and we move right on. Every crew has that one guy where all pretend that never happened and we move right on.

Every crew has that one guy where you go, what? Yeah. I had no idea. Anytime you love a show for four or five years and then one guy just disappears and they never mention anything, just think about that aspect of everything. There's a subreddit I found that's very funny.

I forget the name of it, but it's for people who are in one-sided poly relationships. So they're the monogamous partner to a poly person. And it's very funny, you go through every single post, like, hey guys, I'm not really doing really well right now. I'm really struggling, does this seem bad? They're talking to people who claim that they've fought through those feelings

to get to a better place in their relationship, to be a pillar for their partner to have a good life, which they then receive happiness from. It's very bad shit to say. Supportive messages where they're like, that's your jealousy, that's toxic masculinity, like poking through. You'll get through that and you'll get to,

when my girlfriend comes home, you know, her pussy whistling, which cum dripping out of it, I love her more than the day I met her. Yeah, her pussy's like a baseball card in the spokes of like a tire. These fucking people, man, it's, with the polycule thing, it's,

if you're fucking your wife and she's been, like other guys have really just been in there. In there. In there, where you can. Deep drill. It's different. In there, you go, huh. You can feel it.

Yeah, right. Huh. Right. You feel that, and you go. You go, is this a new room? When'd you have this built? God damn. Yeah, Yarmul's built her pussy.

Yeah. You wonder if it's like, you know when you stay at an Airbnb or a hotel room, you can tell the sheets haven't been washed? Yeah. I wonder if it kind of feels that way where you go, this isn't, I'm just passing through. The impermanence of this lady's vagina

is very apparent to me right now, and I can't really accept this current situation. Yeah, her pussy's a motel room that I'm using to get to Phoenix tonight, that's about it. I don't know what's so bad about monogamy. I don't really get it. I don't think anything's bad about it at all. What's bad about monogamy?

I don't fucking get it. I actually don't, I've tried to really think about this because people make you feel like gay. First of all, I mean, especially living in LA, most people cheat, honestly. And then they'll be honest about the fact that they cheat and they'll be really fucking cool about it. Yeah, people are honest about cheating.

It has really, I've had a couple friends try to be like, we all do it, I'm like, you're're disgusting piece of shit like don't do that yeah and then they get so in my head cuz I'm like am I just a puritanical cuz I was like a drunken insane I was like fucking who's the honeymooners guy I was like Jackie Gleason but I was like 24 I was going around blacking out completely I was ending up in different like counties and I still for I'm pretty sure I never cheated on my wife. They're in relationships they don't take seriously.

They just wanna say they have somebody with them. They treat people like transactions. It doesn't mean anything. I've talked to women before who are like, yeah, I'm with my boyfriend, it's a convenient situation. I know it's not full term, so this will run its course. I'm like, that's really mean to that guy. There's a lot of people that are with each other

just because the rent is half. Yeah. It's like, that has nothing to do with, you know, they're meant to be. Almost nobody's meant to be, really. You're on, most people, you talk to them, and they're like, how'd you meet? Well, we were on a list together at camp.

Or we were, it's like, it wasn't like the stars aligned, this was no, like the college you happened to be in the same class, like it's not, you were around them a lot. Are there's a lot of people who are like, well how'd you meet? It's like, well we both, we went on a date and we both turned 31 and we realized

this was really our last chance, so. We're stuck. Yeah, that's about it. I saw one of you guys sent me one of the crowd were clips of who I'm just being like How'd y'all to be or what the fuck it was the worst crowd or clip? I've ever seen Connor shared it. Yeah Guy with the hair the silver hair. Yeah, I remember the guy who looked like if own OC was a person Surely you clicked on that.

That was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. I wish we could play it. Maybe we can on the Patreon. Maybe it's too mean, I don't know. Do we know this guy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, we do? Yeah, it was a super viral clip, and I was like,

it made me nauseous. I thought, I was like, I was kneeling over the toilet watching it. I was like, holy fuck, I got like a cold rag I was putting on my forehead. I was like, it was, I got like a cold rag I was putting on my forehead. I was like, it was like I had diphtheria or something. Or typhoid fever. You're putting your fingers down your throat

just to get over with it. I was dying in a big pan, like I was, big bed like I was like Chopin or something. I was like, ah, people are mending to me. Just stop letting it play on loop, it keeps repeating. I'm like, no, leave it on. My dearest Catherine, show me the crowd work one more time.

There's a candle dripping beside me. I'm in a huge bed. Yeah, yeah. I'm wearing like white shitty sweaty. Goose down bad, but still like an iPhone 12. That's the only thing. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember this.

Fuck, I wish I could, I'd use my phone right now, but it's my light. Do you want me to play it on the phone? I'll pull it up if you want me to play it. I Mean don't play it but show him so he knows what I'm fucking talking about All right, cuz I didn't get to talk to Devin about this. I don't know you fucking watched it. Did I yeah It's like have you ever thrown bread in a pond and a duck didn't eat it You fucking watched it if it went in the group ducked in and eat it, you fucking watched it if it went in the group text.

It was one of the worst things I've ever seen. Sorry, I'm literally, I'm really. Like you passed up a juicy crowd work reel like this. Sorry, I'm literally scrolling through 40 other people we've dunked on since this clip was sent. I saw Dalia. This guy, this guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, yeah,

he sucks a lot of ass. I hate, I hate him. What happens in it again? What happens in the clip? I forget. It's so wiggly. What the fuck? It feels fake, like it feels like a parody video

of a bad comic doing crowd work. I think he goes, are you guys dating? And then another guy in the crowd goes, she's single. And he goes, this guy's stalking you guys over here. You know, you're like, she's single. She's single, everybody. It's like murdering. It's killing.

Yeah, yeah. It's destroying. It's killing, because people are barely able to eat their chicken fingers at that club. I see people's things, and I'm like, are they like, it's like Eddie Murphy's delirious. I'm like, Jesus Christ, it's like, you bringing the roof down.

He's just going like, is anybody dating audiences? A club are so dumb, like they have an option to chew your food for you before they bring it to you because too many people are choking on fries and wings. They blend it. They have a blender in the car. The blender is getting used a lot tonight. Sir, your wet bowl of nachos in closing, I think I'm going to accept the part of me

that is bitter and resentful. I think that's a sign of maturity. It's about time. It's about damn time. I've been holding back. Yeah. Yeah. And can I tell you, we could tell.

It is cracking through here. No, it's just, it is what it is. I don't know, it is what it is. No, I mean, you guys- It's just part of me and it's- Most clips we share, you know, a lot of these clips of these people, it makes me embarrassed to share the earth with them.

Mm-hmm. I just- It's like figuring out about war as a kid. Yeah. You're like, ah. Yeah, exactly. Dilea did have a good clip about that. Dilea really took him to task. But he left comments off, which I thought was cowardly.

Yeah. Which is funny, because it's like, quote tweets are still on. Yeah. You're just going to get dunked on harder. Comments off, but DMs wide open. That's so good. Yeah. Anyway, hope everybody loved the studio and the lighting.

I'm sorry if Jace was a hair dark or whatever. I know everybody tunes in to look at my face. We'll get your light better next week and we'll be fine. Who gives a shit after that? I guess we could put more blue on Jace too. I didn't think about that. I was kinda talking about his key light. Again, maybe Redbar can email me.

Something about, I need to get a, I'm serious, this production's amazing. Cause the space is so small, I need to get a key light here on me that doesn't reflect off of this. The reason I can't get away with this is I'm hitting Devon with a light, and this is the end of the episode,

so we're just sort of explaining something to here that maybe someone can message me about. By the way, August 10th, the Virgil. This light shines over here and I have cardboard coming out so you can't see the reflection here. And same, I'm hitting Jase, but I need to figure out something with me. Or maybe I could just do something like this,

put my phone here, or get some way to charge this thing. But regardless, I think we're kind of, we're not gonna put a bunch of shit on the walls, we're not gonna be these tree house patty cake podcasts where they pretend to be friends with each other. We're gonna figure out the cinematography of the song

for these absolute psychopaths. I love tech stuff, I love production stuff, I love buttons, I love lights, I love sounds, I love wires, and I love comedy. And I love the two of you. I love lights, I love sounds, I love wires. And I love comedy. And I love the two of you. I love you. I love both of you with all my heart.

And I love your new shirt with an N on it. It's very vague. For real, a major league pitcher sent me this shirt. I want everybody to know that. That's very funny. Because identity will remain anonymous. But we are getting into a baseball game. We're getting we are going Did I tell you they know I guess you got his tickets? Yeah, that's cool. That's that's awesome

I'm gonna be very so we get like on the we get to be everything. That's sick. Yeah, that's sick. Yeah, that's awesome Yeah, that's we're gonna be very cool I've always wanted to throw out a first pitch at a game Yeah, but like fuck it up Like really bad, you know, you're you know, like your pants would fall down your dick would fall out I've always wanted to throw out a first pitch at a game. Yeah, but like fucking up. Like really badly. You know your pants would fall down, your dick would fall out.

Do you see how good John Daly's was? No. As soon as he hit the mound, he turned and just whipped it and it was a fastball right down the middle. And then he just walked, and he picked up his Diet Coke and just swirled it and walked off. He didn't even watch it hit. And then he walked to the club and he goes,

get the defibrillator. You need to hit me. What if we go to the, I need goes, get the defibrillator. You need to hit me. What if we go to the, I need a hit, I'm about to die. What if we go to the baseball game, the guy that got you the shirt, he had the tickets he got, and we realize it's the only whites only league in 2024.

Wait, what? I thought you said you played for the majors. That's so good. It's in Orange, California. At a high school baseball stadium. He goes, come to Virginia City, Nevada. We're gonna be doing it at the saloon, but you had a big viral clip.

What the hell, you said tonight you were gonna beat the hell out of the Redskins. What the hell's going on here? Patreon.com slash Lemon Party for more episodes, bonus episodes, content like this. We have video, audio, we have live shows on there. Some where Devon blacked out at the Australian guys' venues. Really good times, so go sign up for that.

I also do live streams every Wednesday and Friday on the Lemon Party Clips channel. Devin calls them the beggars hour or something like that. The beggars cup. Devin pretends I have a beggars cup and I'm doing this. We have a good time over there. Devin's a hater. Twice a week, check out Ben's digital beggars cup.

Devin hates them and he wants me to move back to Texas and for me to take the Patreon and end the show, I guess. I don't really know what's going on, but. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. He resents me for having a family. No, I love it. He hates family, he hates God. He hates the nuclear family, he hates white children.

He hates my precious white daughter. That's why he loved your baby for the first two months when she looked black. She looked fucking. She looked like a black she looked black she looked like a black-ass baby Like a black guy be like you cheated on me. Yeah, my baby. Yeah. Yeah, she did she did she looked like the fucking she looked like the The Ice Age baby mm-hmm like a dark Ice Age, baby, then she looked like the Tarzan baby Oh, and now she just looks like a big beautiful white beautiful

Baby that just jumps like a bunny she loves yeah She loves going in the Jolly Jumper and just leaping around that'll be a timestamp on the right that they're like skip over this part Oh ready? Well, she just did a great special on Netflix over this part of the podcast. Enough already. Well she just did a great special on Netflix. So. Pfft. Yeah, my daughter did a great special on Netflix.

I love Joe's act out with him sucking the big titty. Yeah. It's funny. Yeah. He's funny. He is. I kinda love him. Your daughter's first words are,

get it together, bitch. It's a long way to the top. If you want to rock and roll. To be fair, School of Rock is awesome. I love it, it's one of my favorite movies of all time. And I'm sure that's why he loves the song. It's in my top 10. I don't know about that.

I don't think he's seen the, no, I don't think he's seen the movie, he just heard the song. Yeah, the last movie he saw was Norbit, if I'm correct, from listening to the show. What if Kyle Gass has a big right wing arc of his career? That would be very funny. And he goes on Rogan, and Rogan just keeps asking

why he's fat. He doesn't even know who he is. He doesn't know who Rogan really is. He has no idea who he really is. He's so out of the loop. He's so misinformed. He's so misinformed. Wrong about so many things.

I mean, I know nothing. I start talking here about history. I don't know. I don't know what an amino acid is. I don't know how the rain is in the sky and then falls. I don't know fucking anything. I don't know how anything works. And I don't care.

We shouldn't know. Don't tell me. I hate when people explain things to me. Well, actually, I don't remember a thing. The most complex thing I know is I know that alcohol is poison and the effect that you feel when you're drunk is because your body can't process the poison and you're slowly, that's as far as I,

down the science hole I can go. And I think that's still kind of only half right. Probably not true. It's not. What is it actually? What is? It's I think it's All is digested by your kidneys and the product that comes out of the kidneys is what gets you drunk It's something with the brain and there's some other terms that I don't you know, whatever

Ribosomes stuff like that mitochondria, whatever the fuck. All I know is it It chooses me up. I Mean you can't live without the damns shit. I mean you can't live without the damn shit. No I can't. Meanwhile I've had Chinese four nights in a row. But we'll get into that. You did have double orange chicken, chow mein fried rice the other night.

Tonight I got a spicy orange chicken. We should be saving this for the Patreon really, but I got a spicy orange chicken from Panda Express. They have a spicy orange chicken now. They introduced a spicy orange chicken? Well just for Ben. Oh my god. I walked out of Best Buy with all the equipment I was going to install tonight

and I saw that sign on the outside of Panda Express and I dropped everything. In the parking lot of a Costco and I just walked in. Panda Express is like a bug zapper for you. That's how the fun is. We got another one. Raid his pockets.

By the way, raid his pockets. They, by the way. Spicy orange chicken. I should have saved this for the Patreon. Okay. But great Panda Express over by the Starbucks by the Best Buy in Atwater Village. Really clean, really good.

Locally sourced, yeah, all the good stuff. Yeah, they got a really nice microwave. The Chinese people are locally sourced there. They have Chinese people in the Panda Express? You know what's fucked up? Yeah, they're locally, they got a really nice microwave. The Chinese people are locally sourced there. They have Chinese people in the Pan Express? You know what's fucked up? Yeah, they're locally, they're Mexican. Yeah. The main lady, so there's all Chinese in the back.

Chinese as far as the eye can see. Ben, those were Mexican people and it was too hot, so their eyes were squinting. They're going like, he's smoky. This, the lady who was in charge is some like, evil Chinese lady, you can tell. They walk on egg shell, or fortune cookies around her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very good, very good. She's like, look, she's like, they walk on egg rolls. I made it to dinner, I made it to dinner, I made it to dinner. Let's go. I so wish you cheered, not snapped, but pissed. I wish the metal, I wish the metal caved in. She's the mama son of the Panda Express.

Like you want the orange chicken to check you off? Yes, chef. I fuck you in bold, big bold. The head lady there, they're dealing with the register and everything, she had the Ariana Grande, you know the eyes when she pretended to be Japanese and she had the mascara that goes up like this. It's insane.

So you're saying she had the makeup or her eyes looked like that? I looked closely. Okay. Latina. Oh yeah. Trying to look Asian. Right.

So she can blend in with all the Chinese the Chinese right she's wearing a big rice hat It's fucked up It is fucked up. That is fucked up But it's what they do there. I get it. Yeah, you know it's you got to keep your job And you got to do what you got to do, but yeah, I'm on to her Yeah, you go to an El Pueblo with a bunch of Chinese people acting Mexican. What's up, boo? She has shaved heads, big white t-shirts.

What's up, boo? I love a chimichurri. Rowrider. A rowrider. All right. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. God bless you all and We'll see you on the next episode peace. Bye Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, music would play and Polina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina, wicked and evil while casting a spell. My love was deep for this Mexican maid, I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young cowboy came in wild as the West Texas way