lemonparty - 096: The Nice Guys

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

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Chicken Wings by The face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of these boys. Yes, yeah, Wooten Tooten, death. Wooten Tooten. Where's Texas Footbat? Where's Texas Footbat, free? He died for state. Ha ha ha.

I was laughing so... You're Walter Brennan, always cracks me up. Yeah, yeah, me. We were doing the Cowboys thing at the bar the other day. When the Cowboys showed up and that fat cholo was feeding them flaming hot Cheetos. That's right. And we were just pretending they were horse thieves.

Oh dude, I forgot about that. We were pretending that they were Mexican horse thieves and Devon was doing Walter Brennan running down the street trying to get his horses back. Bring me my horsey back, stop feeding them your fucking flaming hot Cheetos. Popcorn can't hit those Cheetos. Popcorn can't take my hot blast.

Those damn Vicaros. Dude, there were- Those Vicaros, yeah. We walked out of a bar, there were five horses in the street being- At like midnight. Yeah, at midnight, and the bouncer was furious. He was like, get the fuck out of the fucking street. You can't be here

Yeah, you can't fucking be in the street and they were like, uh-huh. Uh-huh and they didn't care at all And then the horse that'll kick you to death there were there was just a bunch of fat like fat people the Chongas. Yeah. Yeah, just feeding them like bags of chips. Yeah, there was a woman feeding a horse bad like Flaming hot cheetahs like extra flaming hot cheetahs a woman feeding a horse after like flaming hot Cheetos. Like extra flaming hot Cheetos. A fat woman with no ass. Yeah, which is-

Thinking it's hysterical, she's giving flaming hot Cheetos to the horse. Which fills me with such anger, I could maybe kill her if I had a gun on me. You know the worst part? She didn't think it was hysterical. She thought she was giving it nourishment. She was genuinely like feeding.

She turned to us and went, oh, good, ha ha ha. Like we were supposed to go, oh, that's cool. She was genuinely feeding. Like we were supposed to go, oh, that's cool. Yeah, they kept looking over at us, like, isn't this, I mean, I just, don't horses love milk duds? I don't even know what that was. I honestly, until you brought it up, I thought that was a figment of my imagination. That was so bizarre to me. I've never walked out of- That's why I took pictures to remember it.

Concrete road, cement road, fucking huge street, like in the middle of LA. So weird. And the one Vicarro was making his horse spin around, and it was scratching up the pavement and shit, and that retarded chola lady was getting right by its hind leg. I was convinced she was gonna get her skull caved in

by a horse hoof. A horse is really just a first generation corolla if you think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In their culture. They're like, so this is like the first Nissan Altima. Yeah. Yeah, you see the Mexican guys on the horse

are just like riding the rails on traffic. When the horses have the blinders on, they're like, oh, you got it tinted? Where do you put the little shitty picture of St. Mary off the window? I don't understand. It was, that was interesting. Cause then there was a Mexican bouncer that hated them.

Yeah, a tall Mexican dude was like furious. He kept like getting in their faces. I think he was trying to bow up on a horse. Yeah second You think you're fucking you think you got a big dick you fuck my wife Huh, just cuz you got a three-foot dick right now The best part of is they were clearly doing it to get laid Yeah, because a white woman at some point like wanted to get on the horse and they said sure and then Then I turned around and I think she was gone. Yeah, yeah like that There were four horses and then there were three and I'm like, oh, this is how you traffic women.

Because you lure them in with a horse. This is how dumb white women are. They'll get raped like it's the 1830s still. They'll get raped like they're going like, oh my! They just fade into the darkness. I don't even, I don't think she was like sex trafficked or I think she wanted to fuck the horse. Yeah,'t even, I don't think she was like sex trafficked or, I think she wanted to fuck the horse.

Yeah, the guys are even like, we don't, we want you to suck this horse off. Yeah. If this horse doesn't come soon, it'll die. They kept looking at us like we were supposed to be like amused. Yeah, I don't partake in the, you know. Yeah, we were just kind of blankly staring at them. I can see Ben being furious. Which is a common thread the last few weeks.

To see anything and be like, why don't you go kill yourself? Yeah, Michael Douglas and falling down. It was even, despite how trashy it was, it was an oddly majestic moment for a second, to walk out of a bar in a city and see five people on horses. And Ben was immediately,

I could feel rage emanating off of him. of a bar in a city and see like five people on horses. And Ben was immediately like, I could feel rage emanating off of him. I hated that Changa. You hated them. That big Changa. With her flat ass and her flamin' hot Cheetos. She looked like that fat bitch that's in all those prank videos

where that hot girl goes up to somebody and goes, hey my friend wants to talk to you, she really has a crush on you. And then they bring out that orb lady. That lady that's in the all, she was on that podcast, the whatever podcast. She looks like Shrek. She's the ugliest woman of all time.

It's the ugliest, it's the ugliest human being to ever live. They call her like Cornack the Destroyer on Twitter. She looks like she's been shot in the head 30 times and she won't die. I like she's been shot in the head 30 times and she won't die. I know she's gained fat in her forehead. One of those chicks.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you trying to look her up? Yeah, what is it, whatever fat? I don't know her fucking name. Just look up fat bitch. Whatever podcast, fat, dumb, worthless whore. I'm literally gonna type in whatever fat

and see if she pops up. That's how fat she is. Oh, there you go. That's her. Second video, There you go, second commercial. Second video, right in the middle. This one right here? Yeah, that one in the middle. Just don't even go to the thumbnail.

Ask everyone to rate themselves on the scale of one to eight. Jesus H. This is the lady? These are like these fake podcasts, but yeah, that's the lady right there. Yeah, no, she looks like the monster that we found in X-Files. That's insane.

What are we talking about? How does that even happen? How is that a thing? She looks like the elephant's foot at Chernobyl. It looks like compounded incest. Like you took incest from all over the globe. And put it in a Roth IRA. You built interest.

You built generations of generations fucking each other. You're like, well I can pound every time. I'm this shit shit you fucking. But is the light okay for you? Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it is like fat cubed. I don't even know how. That's unbelievable.

Yeah, she looks like. My brain says that's two people. You know what's fucked up about this? If I ran, you know I would love zombie stuff. I'm a big zombie like show guy. You love your favorite movie, Zombieland. Yep, that's me. I'm kind of random like that.

He loves when Woody Harrelson shows up in Zombieland. Oh no, he loves the scene in Zombieland when Bill Murray goes, Bill fucking Murray! Epic! And then you go, dude, do you know the story where he said you'll never fucking believe, no one will ever fucking believe you. Devin loves his, he got into comedy because he loved Chuck Norris jokes.

God, I hate you. Devin. Fuck my dick. Devin used to go on stage with a cartoon piece of baking holding an American flag. And said bacon for the win. Yeah, come and bake in it. Okay, back to my initial point.

I love zombie shows, right? You know how in every zombie show, there's seasons in, they develop their own community, and they finally get a fence, and they're like, we're trying to harvest some food, and we gotta take in some people or whatever? I wouldn't even say she was bit. I would just be like, we have to kill her.

We're just gonna kill her. And people would be like, why? Is she eating all the food or this or that? I'd be like, no, just fucking look at her. She doesn't deserve air. You guys actually use her to protect the compound because the zombies walk up to you and they go, oh, and they just turn around and shuffle back.

I just see her and I go, I don't even like, first off she's being used by everybody on the internet. Everybody, and I just, there's something evil in me on a eugenics level where I go, I don't know how that even happens, and I don't wanna be reminded that that's a possibility in breeding. Who are her parents?

Who are her fucking parents? It's like when you see a dog, you see one of those dogs with the wheels for the back legs, and you're like, just kill it. Exactly. Stop. Exactly. Enough of this. What the fuck is that? I thought definitely.

Is that on screen, by the way? Yeah, it's right. Show it for the people again. Well, there it is, yeah. Look at that! What is that I thought definitely screen by the way. Yeah, it's right people again. Well there it is. Yeah That's insane yeah, that's insane. Mm-hmm. That's that's that's demonic that I don't know man, but that's also that's also There's a Catholic priest like hitting her with water The XXL sirsorcist. Yeah, hey, very good. Very good, very good, Ben. But yeah, she should be killed.

No, that's my main point. I don't know, but that's like some man's dream out there is to. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's no, there's nobody. That's not, no, that's not even normal fat. Look at her fucking neck Do you think she's a virgin? Yeah, no, I think there's I think there's guys who have fucked her and then the minute they come they pull out a gun

And just had it turns in the mist. Okay, let's try and think who would who what man on earth fuck Like what's the type of guy? I think Indian guy Any Indian guy next question no an Indian like a little guy. Indian guy. Any Indian guy, next question. No. An Indian guy would sick his cobra on her. Yeah, well yeah. If she gets bit by a cobra enough, she can lose weight. Right.

The Indian guy wanted. He sticks the snakes on her. The Indian guy wanted to fuck her because he thinks she's a holy being. Like how they think cows are gods. Oh right, right, right. Sorry, we don't know enough about the culture. Oh sorry, they're dirty.

There we go. And they smell bad. Now everyone at home is thumbing it up, holding a thumb up to their screen. I like it when they're dirty. She's a, look man, she's white Norbit. Yeah. That just is what it is. No, Nor man, she's white Norbit. That's just as what it is. You know what I mean?

No, Norbit, even like. I would way more fuck Norbit. I'd rather fuck Norbit. Like I'm not kidding. And by the way, it's Norbit's wife. Oh, right, right, right. I'm like the guy who's like, Dr. Frankenstein was the doctor.

And by the way, they're both Eddie Murphy. Yeah, wait, what? Yeah, I found that I typed in cast and crew of Nor Murphy. Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah, I found that I typed in cast and I typed in cast and crew of Norbit Yeah, yeah, I mean really he was all the people. Yeah, you're dropping your coffee mug like it's the end of the usual suspects I realize what I've been jerking off to I was jerk off to a guy in a fat black mom suit. Fuck. I would rather fuck Norbit's wife, but fat black mom suit? Fuck! I would rather fuck Norbit's wife,

but literally him on the set in the suit. I'd rather fuck the man Eddie Murphy dressed up like Norbit's wife. Than her, than that woman. You'd rather open the sweat flap they had on set so they could empty water out and put your dick in your mouth. I'm not kidding, I'd rather fuck most men on earth than that thing.

I honestly, yeah, I would agree with that. That's, I'm gonna sound like a guy that like, talks about like trans people in like a really evil way. That's a fucking thing. I honestly, yeah, I would agree with that. That's, I'm gonna sound like a guy that like, talks about like trans people in like a really evil way. That's a fucking thing. Mm-hmm. What we're looking at? Yeah. That's a thing.

Yeah. I have no human respect for that. If you told me underneath the table was a bunch of tentacles and crab legs, I'd believe you. Just because it's bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. How did you wind up this way? I how much fucking how much did you ignore basic human traits?

And standards I wouldn't be surprised if her chest opened up and there was like teeth and a big tongue shot across the room and pulled Somebody in yeah. Yeah, that's insane. Well. She's also like talking about how she's a bad bitch, right? I don't want to even get into that angle. That's how that's a bad bitch, right? And that's another reason why she's I don't want to even get into that angle That's how these all that's how these people use it, but that's another reason That's another reason even if I was trying to be like empathetic. I'd be like no guys. She's a human Relax, I'm talking my zombie apocalypse world. We're all behind a fence sure people trying to kill us all the time I go and then if she and then if she started acting like a bad bitch, I go, oh my God, I thought I was trying to save you, and I fucking shoot her in the head.

I'd literally put my thumbs through her eyes, and I'd snap her brain in half. I think she has probably really bad rosacea and stuff. I don't know what that, what? She probably has really bad skin because of her Yeah, it's where you get so they probably kind of turn into cotton candy a little her skin looks fine to me The skin is the best part. Well, she's wearing a lot of makeup underneath is probably issue. It's probably so hard It's kind of like a Komodo dragon. She's essentially wearing a Kevlar suit. She could oh she's been stabbed thousands of times Yeah, she is in a zombie movie. She's essentially wearing a Kevlar suit. She could be. Oh, she's been stabbed thousands of times.

She is, in a zombie movie, she's the antidote. Yeah, yeah. People go, we gotta be like her. How do we get, how do we turn into you? So the zombies think we're dead and don't eat us. You have to smell like you're rotting. Yeah. No, her calves probably look like Herschel Walkers.

She has the legs of an NFL running back. Like Barry Sanders legs. I just, every time I see her on my timeline, I go, I can't, how is that? How are you even? I know, it does actually make you angry. It's infuriating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I feel bad for her sometimes, but also you shouldn't let people see you with their eyes. I felt bad for her at the beginning. Yeah. And then I just thought, it just turned into, you know what? It turned into like dictator hate. Yeah. And we got to end you. Yeah. I it's just I don't like when she exists.

It makes us all feel like we're a part of a fucking, you know, a failing, a failing state. You feel like a roach a little bit. This is the decay of Western civilization right there Right there. It's the cake of what civilization human termite tent You know, it's fucked up though. She's really as worthless as the ladies beside her. Oh, I know but I'll mouth fuck them. Mm-hmm Mm-hmm, which which lady is on screen? I fuck them all even I fuck them all. Even that blue haired, oh that doll in the back. I don't know.

That doll. Yeah, I mean, I don't know man. I think you're being a little hard on her. She's probably trying to lose weight. No she's not. She's not. Gravity's being a little hard on her. Her legs are like on the coast and Santa Barbara when when uh

The houses just start falling into the ocean and they have to have more and more stilts and wood beams to it dude these people You don't know you know you should be kind because everyone's fighting a great inner War right and hers is that keeping blood pumping? great inner war. Right, and hers is keeping blood pumping. That's the war in her soul. You know, if she talked that way, like if she was trying, like if she knew, then okay, like I said, I'd let her live.

Yeah, yeah. But she thinks she's like hot as shit. She's doubled down, and we know she knows. Yeah. And I'm wondering if she's just like an Andy Kaufman of fat worthless people. Maybe she's like an amazing com- A great bit.

Yeah, I really don't know. All I know is when I see her I go, we need to rid the world of this. What's beautiful is I love when someone gets so fat they're trans. Yeah. I know, she does look trans. It's like, congratulations, you're now a man. Her pussy got so fat it turned into a dick You can see her at the DMV the ladies like oh hell no now we changing this from an F to M

Now we do not give license to cause ma'am. They go we don't have licenses this big How do you fit her face in a license? Yeah, oh they had to put our license on a IHOP menu You have to, you have to. Yeah, it's like a huge thing. It's like Andy Reid's Sheets at the Super Bowl. She has the only license you have to turn through? Yeah, it's the only license with a fold out. Flip pages?

All right. You have to, like, the cops go, woo! And then the pages unraveled to the ground. When does the right side of your face show up? Baby, you ain't post-op, you toestop. Let me tell you right now, sweetie, we changing this, we getting your papers in order at the DMV, we changing you to mail right now. You are not M to F, you are BLT.

Baby, I gotta say, you look like the DMV. I'm talking about Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia. Where was it? Baby, you're the tri-state area. Baby, now, let me ask you a question. You so fat that the fat pushing out the inside of your pussy like it's a penis down there? Yeah.

Yeah, you a male now, sweetie. Let me ask you, sweetie, and be honest with me, have any of my brothers fuck Because if so, I will call doctor Cornell West right now They'd rather fuck crackheads on the street for like five bucks. I don't even think I don't even think a black guy would fuck But I mean like fat fat fat white women, but that's not even a fat white woman, that's a thing like fat, fat white women. Well they're not even fat white women. But that's not even a fat white woman, that's a thing.

That's a creature. Yeah. And I'm sorry, but like I said, you know. I can't tell if she's Mexican or if there's so much blood under her skin that it turned her skin that color. I don't know. Oh, who knows what?

She looks, it's crazy. You can't judge though, you might hand her a violin or some sort of instrument. And she would eat it She looks like a GMC Yukon You hand her a guitar and she thinks it's like like spaghetti strings or something. Yeah She's twirling the strings with a big fork And sucking them down now. I hate her and hope she's dead by now. I love her and she's a strong independent woman Hey guys, you love your alma mater.

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This podcast or maybe she does I don't know. Maybe she doesn't care. I don't like I said, maybe she's a fucking genius I don't fucking know You might be a comedic genius that knows that she's making money off of all these like channels the one who exploit her I Don't even want to call her her because it gives a sense of humanity. This is the first time you don't use pronouns. Yeah, I know. It's for her.

For her. Yeah. Just for her. It actually locks a lot of biases for you. You're like, oh, I get non-binary people. You should refer to her in pounds. I don't, it leaves me speechless. the leaves me speechless that that's that person do you know the lady? she

Just you know her she's on it. I think I talked to you about her one time She's on Instagram and she it seems to be rage bait because she said she has a binge eating thing But it's she goes I'm in recovery for binge eating and then she posts her meals and she's consuming like five calories a day Send me and it's like it's um, it's like Kels food journey or something like that. But yeah, she'll go like I'm hey everybody It's day 15 of my recovery from binge eating. So I'm making a salad and she like just get she pours like a vat Yeah, yeah ranch made Like a bowl of like iceberg lettuce, and then she gets the the like the restaurant size And then just spins the lid off and dumps it in yeah, yeah

Yeah, that's when you find out like that like Raytheon makes ranch dressing What the fuck I typed in binge eating in the Instagram, and it just says I'm on go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom

and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna go to the now. I'm gonna call the National Alliance for Eating Disorders on the show. Okay. What if Devon's phone starts ringing? I would. Oh, for you?

Yeah, for me. I signed up, I donated my time to them recently. Because I'm like worried about you. It just calls, it calls your meanest friend in your phone to call you gay. Apparently I'm not mean enough, because you are gaining weight rapidly. It calls your meanest friend in your phone to call you gay. Apparently I'm not mean enough because you are gaining weight rapidly. That I am, but I'm hovering right now at 218.

I hope to God I don't slip back into the 220s, but only time will tell, my friend. But I'm trying to find this lady because she constantly says she's dieting and then with every meal she drinks fucking orange soda Orange fucking soda. I'm gonna see if she's on YouTube But the reason I brought her up though is these big bitches they constantly post videos of them and they're in the gym and they're Doing like the one where you like stand up kind of mm-hmm

Do you know the one where you just like, there's things on your shoulders? The traps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's what they need to be doing. Not calling you. They're practicing like getting off of their bed. Which by the way, like you can work your traps out if you just have bigger tits.

Why don't you work on it? Work on it, women. What, I can't, what the fuck? Binge eating, even on YouTube it says you're not alone. What the fuck is this? Are you that fat binge eating is not a thing Dude, I'm just sure this on the screen so people can see it. Yeah, you're not alone What? That should not be a thing anyone gets help for well. Yeah, we need people to die. They should just binge eat

Do you actually click the website and it takes you to like door that? Dude, what if you actually click the website and it takes you to like DoorDash? It's like this will make you feel better, buddy. Here you go. Yeah, I mean that like should be up there for like, you know, if you Google best way to kill yourself. Like something should pop up. Not binge eating, binge,

why can we watch Nick Kakao videos and that's okay. Yeah, let me, if I type in mukbang, will the same thing happen? Mukbang. No, then there's like Nick Kaka That's fine. Yeah, that's fine That lady oh that lady that's another woman. That's another person that should be should be destroyed Dude that woman looks like in Akira when he starts growing that's insane that person should be should be Dismantled like an old car. Yeah, I think if that woman like farts, there's a big white mushroom cloud on the horizon. I

Mean she's just having dinner Dude, she's So fat she has four elbows. That's crazy. Yeah, she's awesome What was her name I forget her name I've watched tons of videos Oh, is her name a hungry fat chick? That's what the title so I believe so yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah If I'm around somebody like that if I'm if I'm if I'm in a room with that and they start going like And they start like hitting their chest. I just watch I just like no expression

I don't I just I just keep looking at him and I look at it the same as like watching a fucking bug Get you walk into a web. Yeah They burp and they go I'm finding them shit Yeah, they fart and I got it was just fucking gas. God damn it I think I would the way Walter Wyatt watches Jesse's girlfriend Shit. Fuck. They fart and I go, oh god, it was just fucking gas. God damn it. I think I would, the way Walter Wyatt watches Jesy's girlfriend overdose on heroin, I think I would do the same thing.

If I walked into an old country buffet in the VIP room and I saw a 450 pound guy laying on the floor. But imagine in that scene, Walt watches it and instead of pretending to be sad afterwards, he goes, yes! Yes! Yeah. Yeah. And you go to Jesy and you go, I watched Jessica eat pie.

Yeah. Or whatever, fuck, Jane. I watched Jane eat pie. I watched Jane eat pie. I was there. I wish I could find the binge eating recovery girl. Why can you not type it? Because I can't type in anything to Google that is?

Unbelievable does it not let you click through to an actual result like search binge eating recovery girl Kels Your name is Kelsey Kelsey Brennan. Oh, Kels journey. There it is. Kels journey. Here it is. Holy fuck. Holy fuck Okay, if I can figure out how to log into my Instagram on this computer we can I think we can watch your fucking videos Okay, hold on fuck. Why does Instagram hate it makes me do it with Facebook, and then it never sends me a code Hold on let me see if I can maybe figure it out real quick Yeah, it's like they know what you're doing through a computer your podcast and about fat is this the one on the screen No, the one the one on the right is one so we're on screen, okay? We're on screen. Okay. I just didn't want you to be sure

We should if that ever happens we shows a bit not tell him and leave it in Bit of your life is destroyed Fuck yeah your password is not that long Fucking Christ well the keyboard keeps fucking up mm-hmm. Well the end button is stuck down It's uh overuse it's a Jesus Ben, I know it's brutal. It's not tragic to watch watching you try to type your fucking password in What is your password by the way, yeah, I it'll be fine. I'm not telling you. That's it? You entered an old password, it says.

Oh, wow. You just changed it about two years ago. Why does it know that? Just let him go in, even if you recognize him. I agree. Fucking these websites. I got hacked on Instagram the other day. I was out for a whole day.

What happened? Locked out. I don't know. I said some guy in Chicago tried to log in. He logged into my Instagram. Did you get the two factor notification? I don't apparently, but I got a message from Instagram like hey, this seems odd, is this you?

And I go no it's not and they go alright, well we're locking you out too. Like they have a horrible system. They go great, well fuck you. Well fuck you too. And then I had to take a selfie video of myself where I like show my whole face. Oh yeah, I've had to do that too, the real ID thing.

And then they were like, we'll get back to you in three, four days. And then at midnight, they said I had my account back. But it was really weird. And there's probably a fine print thing where they go, well thank you for scanning your face. We now legally own your image in perpetuity. Yeah, right.

But I was just like, I don't know. It must have been an Indian guy or something. It was just like I was like why I don't know it must have been like an Indian guy or something Yeah It was very strange There we go. All right. Now you need to reset your I'll just reset my password. I mean life is a living hell It's just this is what I this is by the way what I do every day all the all the time for multiple accounts I'm just I'm sending myself codes all fucking day. Mm-hmm. My entire emails just codes I have when I forget I have to there's about 12 passwords I have to go through non-stop codes. Yeah, this is life. Well Facebook especially just sucks cock. It's really bad and

Then yeah, yeah good sure shit. She's in my stuff to my spam. I love spam folders, by the way. It's great It's always just like in spam folder. Oh, it's usually like big pee pee stuff. Oh yeah, are you looking for sex? Yeah, yeah. Are you looking for a sexy baby? Yeah, but the first result was Fracture Supply Company you're getting spammed from. You know what's interesting, man,

I don't get emails like that. Interesting. Looking for sex, what are you up to? I must be looking for sex. Yeah. Always looking for sex. I was gonna say, because me and Devan look at heinous amounts of pornography all day long.

And we don't get that type of email. Don't get anything like that. Okay, here we go. Choose new password. Choose new password. Gay guy, 69. 420. Okay. Oh, fuck. I fucked it up already. My caps lock is on. Never trust the top item on... You didn't make oh yeah, you did. No no he did yeah never trust the

It's a horrible password. It says it's strong Yeah, by the way retarded if you're if you're watching a DME for $500. I'll tell you the password Okay, so now I gotta check out my phone, and then we can watch this fat bitch, okay, okay, mm-hmm Like you're like I can't wait to watch this sad fat bitch. Hey, that's the job Yeah, we come home This lady was fat as shit tonight. You won't believe it. She's like, I told you to quit that job. You can't take it anymore.

We're covered in soot. Like, we were for like, for coal miners. She's like, I'm worried about your mental health, honey. You're damn it. All right, now get to Instagram. OK, next time you log in, just browse, just click your profile picture. Oh, enough!

OK, enough of this shit. All right, now we can watch the fat lady, I think, right? Okay, next time you log in just browsers click your profile pictures All right now we can watch the fat lady I think right yeah good Instagram was it Kels journey He'll just journey what if you finally log in in her first Instagram post is like Kels actually killed herself Leaving this page up in okay now I'm to try to log in to my Instagram. OK. Through Facebook. That's why I had to log into Facebook, by the way, because they're all connected. Right.

Hey, there you go. I'm going to follow her. Sure. Follow her. Oh, I'm following her. She has like 210,000 followers. Jesus. That's how much she weighs.

And you know what's funny is it's not letting me scroll. You can't go down to her posts? No. Go to her posts. Refresh the page, see if that'll do it. It opened like nine things of her. Oh my god. Why did it open up nine?

Well because she can't fit on one webpage. Dude, that's so mean. It opened up nine tabs of just her Instagram. You try to click on one of her pictures and it says JPEG too large, can't load. There you go, really quick, just hit one of those videos. Yeah, there we go, there we go. There we go, finally got her.

Finally got her right here. I'm gonna play it. Put the audio on. In silence. Ugh, me and my truth, we sit in silence. Don't waste your breath arguing with people that are committed to misunderstanding it. Don't waste your breath cuz you need it getting upstairs

All right. Well, that's not that's nothing. What are the comments very nice. Are they very mean? They're very they're vicious The top ones seem all very nice Are these cuz they're liked by creators saying like you're so very true girl miss your regular post, but I hope you're doing well Oh, I guess she's a she's off the old gram, huh? Are these old ones? She's not even that she wasn't as fat as I thought she was gonna be she just kind of sucks Where am I plus-size girl is you carry their weight in their stomach? Can you scroll down to like when she's actually eating something? Oh, there we go. Now it lets me scroll.

Okay, so go to something with food. I don't care about her at fucking shitty weddings in Dallas. Where people are pretending that she's worthwhile. Oh, here we go. What I eat in a day. Here we go. This is the good shit right here. Right, it's just a picture of the globe. I get a lot of hate. I know people get upset that I posted on my good feeling recovery and the fact that I've been stagnant for a while.

She doesn't eat that for breakfast. This past year was hands down the hardest year that I've experienced in my 26 years. This has been a year of change in so many ways, like all of the ways. That literally, that looked like she was drinking tea from a big thing of brisket. Simple thing. That looked like she was juicing brisket. all of the ways I deal with conics from now, which I literally didn't even wish on my worst enemy. Simple thing, they'd walk in the bathroom and I was getting a glass of water. It causes me immense pain after a long day. I got the...

That looked like there was a giant slab of brisket on a stick, and she was juicing it. Yeah, it was the pig trough. She goes, I just got my lard for the day. So I know a guy at Franklin's and he lets me get the lard after hours. On the cheap. On the cheap because they lure in pigs

with my naked body to kill. And if I die eating chicken bakes, I pray the Lord to give me vanilla shakes. Amen. Yeah, her soul, she's a good person, so she's gonna go to heaven, but her soul can't make it. It's just the wings flapping and just like, yeah, the wings are chicken wings.

It's like two feet off the ground. Yeah. It's like the fat caterpillar at the end of Bug's Life. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm a beautiful butterfly. I'm a beautiful butterfly. Can't take it off. OK, we just keep watching. This is how this lady makes the big buck.

She thinks this is healthy because there's some lettuce in the sandwich. I know. That's like literally how they think. I know. I'm well aware. Ignize how hard this past year has been for me. Yeah, eat the chips, you need the chips.

So I choose to show myself kindness and grace. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Imagine hitting the gym after eating Doritos. Like imagine being like, this is my midday snack, and then you hit the gym. You eat Doritos and then hit the gym. Yeah, yeah. And work off half the bag, maybe.

She was also doing that road of practice pulling drinks towards her. She needs more strength to pull the 88 ounce a sonic mug towards her. Yeah. She's on an elliptical. OK, so it's really nothing new with the pain I'm in physically and emotionally sometimes I do genuinely wonder if I'd be better off She goes to Planet Fitness. She thinks it's named after her

Yeah, she's so happy they hit the long alarm. Oh my god, you know, my daddy wanted to name me planet You know, my daddy wanted to name me Planet. Sound crazy and dramatic to some, but if you know, you know, and if you don't, you don't. But this video is not meant to be depressing and neither is my page. She seems nice. Every day I choose to fight and I choose to keep going and sometimes things just don't go well.

This is not crazy for a live-in party. For this type of content, it's not that insane. For what we look at, this is like, she's just a fat retard, but this is not crazy. As long as she's kind of doing the thing where she's like, I get it, I'm fat, and everyone hates me, and I'm sorry. She's at least trying to eat cucumbers and shit.

Oh, she was on Dr. Phil. Look at that. Oh, she was? Yeah. Nice. Of course she was on Dr. Phil with an F. You know It's bullshit What were the ones where it's like

It's usually about her binge eating and stuff and like she changed. She obviously changed her mentality She's in recovery Ben. She changed her mentality. Oh, here we go. Here we go Her being a pig can we please what I need a day in binge eating recovery So for breakfast, I made this breakfast casserole that I'm obsessed with. I thought that was everything she ate for breakfast. She ate the cat. She ate the cat too.

It's funny because when I work on my hands I'm fine, but if I'm wearing glasses then it's really painful. So this is a sausage, potato, egg, casserole. Yeah, five eggs, that's good. Make sure to get like a whole slab of butter in there. That butter was insane, man. Make sure to get all that butter in there. This is all for you.

You're not having people over. No one's coming over. She can't have people over because the infrastructure can't support it. And is that a giant ketchup from like Chick-fil-A? Is that a cake pop for breakfast? With lots of different stuff on it, as you can see. And then barbecue chips and orange soda

and water all day long. Then I went driving for the second time since my accident. That car is miserable. Yeah, what was her accident? Just a parking lot. I don't know, they always have a vague, like a traumatic thing. All of her tires exploded.

I drove from the park to the grocery store. Going 40. She's eating Don Dissa She's not even that fat she's really not but she has no discipline so she should be killed yeah Fresh use promo code women Oh, well, Frosh used promo code women50, I believe. Remember, guys, when you have your healthy dinner dinner, make sure to drink a 56-gram sugar sprite. That's what I'm saying! What's with the added sugars?

Drinking a real sprite. I mean, look at me. I'm holding a gigantic beer. But I'm not fat. Fuck you! Keep going. Look at this shit. Look at this shit. When I eat a day in binge eating recovery on my birthday, and I'm not fat. Fuck you! Keep going. Look at this shit. Look at this shit. When I eat a day in binge eating recovery on my birthday and I'm traveling to town.

What is binge eating recovery? Dude, that's what I'm saying. It drives people up a wall. Yeah, make sure to get a slab of white rice next to that chow mein. I was contacted a few days ago by a TV show. She's like, right now I'm getting breakfast. I'm in terminal five. This is what I do before I terrorize a flight

with my fucking chow mein farts. She's like, I went to Panda Express because I thought there was a panda there. They wanted me to come to be in an episode as a guest. So I grabbed my mom and we hopped on a plane and went to Texas. On the plane, my mom and I shared one of each snack boxes. You know when they need to even out the weight on a flight? Do you think they asked her to stand in the aisle and went to Texas. On the plane, my mom and I shared one of these snack boxes. I slept her.

Do you think when she gets on a flight, you know when they need to even out the weight on a flight? Do you think they ask her to stand in the aisle and put one leg on one side and the other? Right, they go, ma'am. So the whole flight, she's like this. She's. Like just pressed against.

She's pressed, and they go, ma'am, we will go down. If you don't keep. To think she's a drawing of a man. Yeah, they go, ma'am, you will go down if you don't keep. To vent she's a drawing of a man. Yeah, they go, ma'am, you can't get to the back of the flight because you can't be behind the center of gravity. The plane will just fishtail back and forth. We need you at the front. Most of the flight.

She goes, did you say fishtail? When she gets on a flight. She goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, did someone say fishtail? What the hell? She goes, I didn't know you could eat the tails. Wasted my entire life. That's the best part of the fishtail.

Yeah, she talks about the scales, like their pizza crust. Scales are the best part. I eat the scales like they're lentils. So she's in binge eating recovery, so everyone be kind. So my mom just had this for me when I woke up she had the other half. This was a really cool moment. My mom and I went to Dallas nine years ago for me to model for JCPenney.

To model? The only place you can model is Texas. She models as the JCPenney. It was for the Thanksgiving Day parade they need to see how to make Snoopy. If you didn't know I've done YouTube for a while. People that act like they desperately need to eat on a flight make me sick to my stomach. Oh, like yeah, they can't wait to... You can't be hungry. Is it a 24 hour flight? You need to eat? You could wait.

It's insane. One of the best parts about a flight is sometimes for me at least is being like I'm not gonna really eat I can't wait to get to the city where I'm going to and then get a big meal in this new city I don't need to eat your fucking lunchables that the flight offers much like Devon You should raw dog your flights and take and then you get out with an upper decky poppa zinni Yeah, well her version of raw dog in a flight is not eating coke. No her version of raw dog in a flight

is taking off the bun. Is eating a dog. Uh, here we go. Yeah this was just such a cool opportunity, really like a full circle moment if you will. We got to Texas, went to our hotel, and ordered some Panda Express because I had to go to an appointment shortly after.

I used to have one by my school, Brooklyn College, but I haven't gone there in years. For dinner, my mom and I went to the restaurant at our hotel. I was honestly so nervous for the show. I didn't eat anything or drink anything. I literally just had water and I was so anxious. I literally almost backed out of the show, but I'll be explaining that all in my YouTube video tomorrow.

So check out my YouTube if you have any. I hate when fat people are tired. Mm. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ah! It's been a long day. My jaw is so sore.

Fuck you. Putting Bengay on their jaw. Yeah, they have to stretch their tongue. Yeah, I got a cramp from a whole m'fork. I'm sorry. She seems like a nice person and if I met her in person, I'd be like, oh my god, thank you for coming to the show. And then the minute she left, you'd be like, good god!

No. I'm fine with fat people in person, but when we're doing this I'm evil Cut out the sodas But the thing is is like I'm you're in public. Yeah like that Yeah, like invasion of the body snatchers Johnny Snatchers, ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! By the you notice the Stairmaster shot was less. Oh, yeah less than a second Let me cut that was her workout them So like she's clearly staging this and getting on it and you see no. Yeah, it's fake. You just see no She did nothing. It's like so this is all like fake. You want people to encourage you give you attention You know people just like you you're so strong you go and there's nothing it's all like a big fat lie. Yeah I think that's part of the problem is the amount of narcissism tied to it. Like if it was like,

hey guys, here's what I'm actually trying. I've made a lot of mistakes with my eating. Here's something that's helping me. I'd love for you to check it out. But it's more about like, I feel bad all the time. Everybody pay attention to me feeling bad. Because for some reason,

I think that attention will help me feel better somehow. I promise you within five minutes or if you're hanging out with your friends, she mentions her car accident that she got in three years ago that somehow explains this whole thing that she's in. Because they always have some big life event. Are there always? That's like they got molested.

Like my friend, he killed himself because I was fat. Because he was so disappointed in me. He was so annoyed by me being fat and having no discipline, lying constantly. It was a tough year. One of my friends actually starved to death because he was hanging out with me too much. And the guilt I carry from that.

Can you go to the earlier stuff? Because like, look at this, Devin. Look at all the Fanta, Fanta, Sprite. The Sprite's next to, that's Sprite next to a pasta meal. Yeah. That's crazy. That is actually pretty crazy. You might as well have a can of pasta next to your pasta. Look, does she like have a, she's sponsored by Fanta?

You blend half of the pasta and then drink it with water. But you should, there's no like, I'm on a diet. Go to gym. Here's the waffles I ate. Go to gym vlog. Where's that? Gym vlog. Okay, Devin gets what he wants.

What is this shit? Yeah, she doesn't look great there. So, plus size and recovering from a broken leg. First, I started out with some free weight. They're always recovering from a broken leg. Can they ever explain why the leg broke? No, it's always a vague answer. Why did the leg break? We know why the leg broke.

Why did the leg break? Daphne, we know why the leg broke. I know, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here. I'm not a mean guy. Why'd your leg break? Jesus, she looks, she got a BBL on her pussy. That's insane.

Yeah, I know, and I'm glad she's holding the weights and she got the fucking, you know, she went to fucking Lululemon and she only went to Lululemon because she, you know. She went to Lululemon and she only went to Lululemon. She just, you know. She went to Lululemon, Morang. What? Yep, we got that cut. You hear that?

Choo choo, boom! Try to fuck with us again. We act like she talks shit about us. You fuck with us, we fuck with you! You gonna come up on us and talk shit? You wanna talk shit to us you! You gonna come up on us and talk shit? You wanna talk shit to us? You really gonna come up on us? You gonna come talk shit to us?

Ah hell nah. Yeah, the crazy guy at the bar who starts a fight that doesn't exist because he's insane. You looking at my fucking girl, Doug? No, sir, I was not at all. I didn't look in your direction at all. You must be new here? So let me give you a little piece of advice.

Piece of free advice? I'm about to shove your ass up your dick. You're like, okay, man, hey, we're leaving, okay? No offense. Nah, fuck that. I'm gonna get my gun out of my car. I'm mentally insane. gun out of my car. I'm mentally insane.

What is she talking about? What is she talking about? Her leg broke, it's a chicken leg. Oh, God! It's not even her own leg. Yeah, the doctor shows her, the doctor's like, well, this is your x-ray, and her mouth starts watering. Oh, no. She's looking at your x-ray, and her mouth starts watering. Oh no.

She's looking at her x-ray as she gets hungry. She's like, mmm, cartilage. She puts on a stethoscope and listens to herself digest the food. She's like, mmm nice. It's cooking, that's what I call cooking. Hey everybody, you don't always have time for home cooked meals. Lucky for you, there's HelloFresh. HelloFresh handles all the meal planning, Oh! Hey everybody, you don't always have time for home cooked meals.

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That's one free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life Just by going to hello fresh comm slash free lemon hello fresh America's number one meal kit That's funny. So I'm going to start this over. She already says she starts. She goes, I don't know how many reps I did. Come with me to workout as someone who's on a side. Oh, right.

If you forgot, it was so. First, I started out with some pre-weights. So I did like three different exercises, I think. And I don't even know how many I did. But I was thirsty, so I got a Sprite. I was just like going basically thirsty so I got a sprite They're fucking retards because they never learn I know they drink their calories Comfortable again, then I went up the stairs and some people comment and are like is going up the stairs a workout for you Like why do you include that and I'm like, yeah, it actually is it's really hard with my leg injuries

There's like cracking that looks like a horse getting on top of a person Like injuries there's like cracking that looks like a horse getting on top of a person That looks like when a man mounts a horse, but it's the opposite the horse is trying to mount a person Hey parking lot right fucking now You talk shit about us! Get it bitch! Fuck you bitch! You wanna talk shit about us? Hey, parking lot right fucking now! I'll meet you anywhere! Anytime! You wanna go bitch? Don't fuck with us!

You fuck with one of us? You fuck with all of us! Okay, hey man, no I didn't even know. I did not know you were there, man. I was not looking at you. I actually wanted to do episodes today where we were, like, kind and, like, not... What are you thinking?

That was my goal. What is with this new thinking of you? I don't know. I don't want to, like... Shut up! We're gonna... This is what we are! What do you think we are? We're evil, vile people.

What's wrong with you? When somebody tells me- I wanna be good! No, when somebody in real life tells me, hey, I checked out the podcast, I go, oh no! Oh fuck! Oh fuck. Does she have a lot of followers at least?

210,000. Yeah, she has shitloads of, she has a brand endorsement. This is how she makes Yes. She's shitloads. Oh, right brand endorsements. This is she makes a living That's enough. That's enough to make fun, right? Are we being? Devon we're not being mean Devon don't tell yourself we're being mean What you're like a Nazi like being, we're not like bad, right? You're just throwing Jews in a big oven. Like, I mean, are we like bad guys?

Remember when we met Connor's uncle, we were staying with him in Philly? He goes, yeah. I watched the podcast, you're all horrible people. Terrible, terrible people. Terrible people. With the Philly accent. I mean, you guys are a bunch of junk, if I'm being honest.

He goes, I get the show. The show is fuck the world, I'm in my basement. I get it. Fuck the world, I'm in my basement. Good for you guys. Good for you guys. But when you're in my house, you fucking respect me. He didn't do that.

He was actually cool as shit. He actually did that. He was the greatest guy. I loved him. Very funny to tell us we're all horrible people. Yeah, yeah. He's like, no, I checked out the show. You guys are terrible people.

I don't like you. Oh my god. Back to the show. Oh all horrible people. Yeah, yeah. He's like, no, I checked out the show. You guys are terrible people. I don't like you. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is killing me. It was like after 10 PM at this point, so I was exhausted. See, that's not really doing anything, right? She's lifting ho-hos. And then I was basically stuck.

This seat is like so short. And I don't know if it's good to like stand up and like that. Oh, guys, she got stuck in the seat. Are you serious? Yeah, that's what she said. And then I did this machine. Are you serious? Yeah, that's what she said Are you serious? Yeah You know how like when the when the staff at the end of day they wiped down all the machines they go up to

The one she was with the flamethrower and just hit it Like when you're in the Congo trying to like keep a disease from spreading just Now back to the show You fuck with the wrong one tell me I'm wrong you thought there was nothing here and it's there's a Honestly, this is the most evil episode we've ever done, because she's like not even fat enough to really make fun of, but we just are, we're gonna. No, you're just an American, dude. You go to London for a week, come back,

and look at a picture of her and go holy shit. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, yeah, fuck you! See, like it's. She looks like the fat lady from that Louis episode, like so what did the fat lady do? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But like that lady's... She looks like the fat lady from that Louie episode. Like, so, what did the fat lady do? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, that lady's not as fat as this.

And at least that lady's funny and talented. Look, she knows what she's doing. She's saying I have a binge eating disorder and that she's posting things. A donut. A donut, see? I feel like some people get confused with binge eating disorder because it looks like I'm eating all this delicious food.

So, obviously, I wanna be eating it, right? Wrong. I don't enjoy being into the- Oh, real quick. She's doing the classic- Hey, what the fuck? That's insane, by the way. She just ate two, she ate a donut.

That's insane! And then she ate a bagel sandwich. And then she's, she's then drinking water. Fat people? Look at, but no, look what she's drinking now. And then a big, a big orange juice. That's like, what, 60 grams of sugar? Which has sugar like added to it.

That's insane added that's insane That's a diabetic strength to not die like when their blood sugar is low. That's what my uncle Stan used to be like Damn it bring me my fucking bring me the orange bring me the Snickers bar He'd be like literally like being paralyzed and I have to bring him a candy bar And that's why I thought diabetes was like a good thing. I was like, oh hell yeah, dude If I get diabetes I get to eat eat candy all the time. That's insane, but oh my god dude, the thing about eating badly, water is actually an evil thing for fat people.

When you binge eat, I've had nights where I've gone crazy and then I drink a bunch of water and you feel like it washes away all of the sin you just did. Cause you got, water's good for you. Yeah, it's like you're trying to avoid a hangover. Yeah, exactly. And for some reason, like she ate a fucking breakfast bagel

fucking bacon egg and cheese sandwich after a giant donut in her car. I had two donuts. Two donuts. Well I think she's also using the water almost like a lube at that point. It's like Nathan's hot dog contest. She's like dipping the shit in the water

to get it down as quick as possible. It's going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, ah, I got stuck halfway. We gotta throw some water down the pot. Yeah, well she's also doing the thing where she's like, I don't enjoy, you think I enjoy this, I don't enjoy you think I enjoy this I don't enjoy

I'm a prisoner. Yeah, I'm a prisoner of my stomach. Yeah. Yeah, I mean imagine a guy like shooting heroin He's like you think I enjoy this heroin it makes me feel like God getting his dick suck I don't enjoy correct me if I'm wrong But if she just limited herself to like three thousand calories a day and walked ten thousand steps that would be like a great start She would probably be losing weight at that. At that rate. Yeah, depending on her weight. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

So doing this on a thing and then eating a bunch of donuts is probably worse, actually. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's what happens with a lot of these people where they try to, they're like, okay, today's the big day and then I'm gonna solve it all and then they try, they eat once out and then the next thing you know,

they're passed out in a gutter covered in in like crumbs and pop tarts and yeah fucking sausage They're breaking into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Yeah Shooting up. Yeah. Yeah, they're they're swimming towards the tube to get stuck into it I guess that's the the addict mentality is I want to do everything at once and completely change my life this morning Yeah It's an extreme cycle. The cycle, and you kind of have to be like, well, instead of eating 9,000 calories at midnight, what if I had a sandwich?

And that's with chips, and that's an improvement over what these people tend to do. Okay, now let's back to the show. Back to her and her orange juice. Kill yourself. I actually got to start this over over because I wanna see her do this again. This is kind of amazing. I feel like some people get confused with binge eating disorder. I'll probably pause it for a second.

I fucking hate that wording of like, this is, she acts like everyone else is out of their mind. Some people get confused. Some people get confused with binge eating. Some people get confused with being a fat fucking asshole that's like monetizing off being a fat fucking asshole. Some people, a lot of people get confused by this. This is all fake. She's not trying at all.

No, she's rage baiting probably. She's going to the gym and she lifts, like I said, she lifts a couple ho-hos. She goes to the- Reach up on the shelf. She loads the Lululemon, she puts on an outfit. They, I mean, by the way, these fucking fitness companies are responsible for this shit too, because it's all about the clothes.

You just go buy the cloud foam technology shoes, you go buy some wristbands, you go buy all the like tight fitting shit, and you go to the gym, you're like, I have my outfit on. You go there, you're there for four minutes. You're there for four minutes. You go, I got you, I don't know. Out front, there was a fuckin', there's a Phil's Coffee.

They got a nice bacon, egg, and cheese over there. And you do the thing where you're like, well, I probably burned around nine, 1800 calories, so. I got nine to 18. I'm good to go. Yeah, if you buy all the gear, you really think you're in shape. I'm not kidding, you know, listen, listen, look at me, I'm fuckin', I'm good to go. Yeah, if you buy all the gear, you really think you're in shape. I'm not kidding. You know, listen, I'm a...

Listen, look at me. I'm fucking... I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm in no place to speak, really. But I ain't fat, and I don't know why our society judges fat people more than drunks. But we do. Because want to know why? When I eat a bunch of food, I don't look a different...

When I drink a bunch, I don't look a different, when I drink a bunch, I don't look a different way. Will your eyes get cockeyed? Sure, I turn into a little chameleon guy that looks like he might snatch a fly out of the corner of the room. You kinda look like something I'd catch in a river. But I can talk, but I can talk.

Sometimes, some would say it makes me better at talking. Yeah, I think it does. Eating doesn't make anyone better at anything! It's just for you. It's so so much more selfish. Yeah, you're right You're right, and that's why I'm allowed to shit on this worthless fat bitch, and that's why you should drink your calories Now I love her actually like her she's a good person. Yeah. Yeah, no, we're kidding. We actually like her Back to the show. I like her and she's a good person. Yeah. Yeah. No, we're kidding. We actually like her Back to the show. I like her. It's food. So nearly as bad as most people right wrong I don't enjoy it drink that water that I feel so sick and can't even breathe. Oh And see how bad I was

So thankful to and she got that she got the fucked up little you don't even get the fucked up little guys at Taco Bell Like the churro, I think it's a I think it's a cinnabon. Don't like don't really know don't pretend you don't know I've seen it. We both know what it is. I've seen it. I wasn't trying to play all coy. I was generally like, I think it's. You're being very demural. No, I've seen it. First off, that's brat.

You're stealing brat. You're being brat. Yeah. You're being brat. But no. Listen. I'm the first to say. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! It's fun to be mad. It's fun to be evil. I'm the first to say You wanted to be good I want to know Two minutes out of the last episode because we didn't want to be evil and then we did these two episodes But yeah, they're Cinnabon there there's Cinnabon goo in the inside them it's like a Cinnabon There's stuff in that yeah, there's you should know that all the companies they

Work together now Doritos works with Taco Bell Yeah, so Cinnabon has a thing with Taco Bell where they make like this I know there's like, you bite into it, and then Baja Blast flies into your mouth now. Yeah, they make a big dough penis that sprays your mouth. Yeah, I just thought those were churro donuts. I didn't know there was more stuff in them. No, no, no, it's like a Kinder egg.

It never ends. You're like a spelunker for fat. Yeah, that's right. You're digging the depths of the inner earth. You're past the mantle at this point. Yeah, OK. Let's keep it going on this. Back to the show.

Back, back to the fucking show. Is that a Baja Black Slurpee? And then she followed it up with a tote. I'm telling you, dude. It's such a mess. I said she went to Little Domino's, and then Papa John's, and now there's egg rolls. Are you fucking kidding me?

Wait, wait, wait. Where'd she get's egg rolls. Are you fucking kidding me? Wait, wait, wait, where'd she get the egg rolls from? Where'd those come from? She just went to, she made it down to pit stop. That's a pit stop. Dude, did she do a bang, bang, bang? Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. She did a triple bang?

This is insane. That's crazy. It's like Steph Curry on a street. Ha ha ha ha. Triple bang is that's- Triple bang. That's the Marianas Trench. That was actually a quadruple bang because you didn't see after the fuck she went to another place

I'm the egg rolls. Oh my god this dude I've done something similar to this before and at the end I look like a Beatrix kiddo right before Bill shoots her in the head You're going in the wedding chap. I go Bill. Yeah You go Bill fries That's uh We just see the amount of food okay, so let's count it can we count it this time you're gonna leave the audio off

So she's okay. No, I already got it. So we count it this time? Do you want me to leave the audio off? Okay, no, I already got it. So she had a donut, now this is her bacon, egg, and cheese. Donut, bacon, egg, and cheese. Donut. So another donut. Water, that's her only water of the day. But microplastics, a couple calories.

Giant orange juice, two biscuits! Oh my God! Two biscuits, sandwich, POSIT! POSIT! You gotta relax! We gotta add it up. We gotta add it up. That's two?

Okay, Devan, let's do the calories for real. Okay, donut is probably 350. Dude, might be four, 500. Let's do four, let's do four. Breakfast sandwich, bagel, probably 450, 500. No, no, that's like six, 600. Okay, so she's at a thou right now. She's at a thou.

She's at a thou, then what'd she get after that? She got two mini biscuit breakfast sandwiches from McDonald's from McDonald's with Like a side of pancakes two pancakes and chicken nuggets and chicken nuggets, so that's probably 1,400 calories 2400 2400 now there's a Dude she's like a hobbit she does nine breakfast it's not even 10 a.m. Yeah, she's at 24. Dude, she eats like a hobbit, she does nine breakfasts. It's not even 10 a.m. She's like, what about second breakfast?

It's people that wake up early to start eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's literally that Twitter joke that black guys make that are hilarious where they go like, this motherfucker went to bed early because he wants to wake up for breakfast. It's like Rocky, it's like Rocky where she wakes up at the crack of dawn, cracks 12 eggs in a glass,

and then pours them in a pan. Yeah, the classic joke, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so 2,400 plus the, what are the fries? The fries are probably 300. It's a small fry. Small fry, so. Doesn't matter, it's probably. 2,700, 2,700, all right.

2,700, okay, so after the fries, let's go. So here's what's funny too, by the way, she's lying also, they always lie. No, she ate a bunch in between the, she goes, this is for the fucking video. Well, let's see what, let's see what she, let's see what she lies at and then we'll double it and that'll be the room. Okay. So that's a McDouble McDouble. Or maybe that's just a single cheeseburger. It looks like she got no onions and ketchup does that probably saves on

calories. Yeah, that saved her nine calories. So that's great. So she's eating... Oh, right, now they're actually in there. No, their vehicles are in there. Okay, so we'll add those back. So she got a cheeseburger from McDonald's. That's what, 400? Yeah.

Okay, 3,100 calories. Okay. All right. Okay. Then that's more nuggets. One, two, three, four, five, six. That's six-piece chicken nuggets. Okay.

And she dipped them in sauce. You got to take it into the sauce. So then she went to Taco Bell. Wait, wait, wait, wait. With the nuggets, we got to take into the sauce so then she went to Taco Bell Wait, wait, wait, well the nuggets we got to add the nut there were six nuggets Probably plus the the ranch and the barbecue by the way those ranches are like 200 the barbecues are like 200 If she ate all of them if you know, she's She's dipping her finger in and rubbing it on her teeth like she's testing cocaine.

So why don't we do 400 with the sauce? So I think we're at 3,100, so let's bump it up to 3,500. 3,500 with the sauce, and then that's not taking into account the fucking chicken nuggets. What are the chicken nuggets? So 4,000. 4,000 now we're at. 4,000, okay.

And then she's got a fucking, a fucking Tulupa. She's got Tulupa 500, another 500? Yeah, probably. Okay, 4,500. 4,500 now, we're at 4,500. Let's keep going, 4,500. And it's not probably 1130 in the morning. Let's keep it going, man.

You're doing bird's chirping. Boom, stop it. The Cinnabon fuckers. The Cinnabons, you got four Cinnabon, what are they called? D-Lites, I think. Cinnabon Delights. Okay, now you're pretending. I don't think they have them anymore.

You're shoving a D-Lites wrapper further in a pocket. But you said those are filled with stuff, right? With the Cinnabon goo. There's goo in them, dude. The Cinnabon goo. So I bet that's about 700 calories okay four of those so probably so 5200 calories so far okay, okay keep it going all right here. We go here. We go and Then that's a bah-bah blast

That was a one frame. A Baja Blast and a Coke at the same time? No, it wasn't just a Baja Blast. It was a Baja Blast smoothie. It was a smoothie, slushy thing. Dude, actually, I felt bad, but now fuck this bitch. So 5,100 plus, what do you think a Baja Blast? 5,200, I believe. By the way, the drinks are more than any food you eat.

I'm going to say those combined. None of it's a zero. Those combined, if they're, she's not getting a zero. She's getting a zero and a half. They don't make Baja Blast zeroes. They don't care about those people that much. Let's say that's 800 a zero. She's getting a zero and a half. She's not a zero. They don't make Baja Blast zeros. They don't care about those people that much. Let's say that's 800 calories combined. So she's at 5,900 calories right now.

Can I say I saw a really fat thing? You remember Tim Heron, Lumpy. Sure, the guy from the PGA Tour. His nickname was Lumpy because he's really fat. He was in an interview I was watching because I watch every interview with him. I know, that's exact because I think I watched it with you. Well, he did one recently where he says he's I think he's like cutting back on like Coke.

So what he does is he gets 12 ounces of Diet Coke and 12 and he cuts it with Coke. So he thinks he's being healthy. It's like it's like an Arnold Palmer. Yeah, he's going like so I used to play Russian with two bullets. Now I do one. So I think that's really healthy Okay, he can't just drink diet coke there was an interview. I remember when we were kids He was the fast golfer so we use our favorite golfer on tour and they didn't interview

They go where they go. What's your favorite meal, and I think he said to Domino's pizzas and a Oreo slushy from McDonald's. What is this? Chase? Is this a leader? And a Oreo slushy from McDonald's. What is this Jason is this a leader? On the on the bottom look at the bottom 16 ounces 16 ounces, okay So that's four cups so a regular like when you get just like a like a like a plastic a plastic Soda bottle from the from the ampm like a regular coke sure that is I think about over to it's like 220 calories I believe okay, So that was a giant drink. Which is a lot. So that's more than 220 calories.

So take, so that's. It's probably 400. Probably, yeah, 350, 400. Yeah. Add that to the Baja Blast smoothie. I did, yeah. We're talking 800 calories? Yeah, I went 51 to 5900.

We're at 5900 currently. She's at 5900. And I don't think she's left this shopping mall. No. Yeah. she's in one place That's a she hasn't gotten out of her car yet. That's America No, no, she hasn't had to leave cuz we all yeah, okay, so keep it going. Keep it going with what she eat for dinner 5900 okay. Are we at lunch by the way? Okay

Sticks fuck gigantic breadsticks with marinara. These are gigantic. These are longer than like fucking Lexington Steel's cock. These breadsticks are unbelievably and they're smothered in Parmesan and all sorts of bread crumbs. And sugar probably. This is bread smothered in bread.

I'm starting to actually wonder, is this in one day? Are we reading the video wrong? No, it is. It's one day. It's one day. I bet this isn't even 3 p.m. Okay, how much is this? How much is this?

Dude, bread? 700? This is probably, yeah, I would, yeah, 700 calories. Okay, so. Let's go with that. I think we're at 6,600 calories. Guys, this can't be in one day, right? Yes, it is. Okay. Oh, all right. And then what's the what's the fuck? Yeah? I was reading the caption to make sure that a whole pizza this cannot be one day man

a whole cheese pizza and that might look like a single bed might be a single person pizza, but that's a thousand calories at least Probably that's at least a thousand calories at least. Probably. That's at least a thousand calories. A whole cheese pizza, a personal. Okay. And then. Wait, wait, wait, wait, we're gonna have a, so that's what, a thousand? Yeah. Okay, so we're at 7,600. Okay, and you know what we missed?

What? The first fucking time. What? In this shot. There's sushi. I only saw the six egg rolls. I didn't see the fucking cream cheese sushi rolls in the back. That she's also trying to hide half of them, by the way. And I didn't see the fucking cream cheese sushi rolls in the back that she's also trying to hide I didn't see the pork dumplings or the sprite. Yeah, just cuz she's watching fucking Veronica Mars or some shit

Okay, let's add this up. Okay six egg rolls. That's 600 I Yeah, 700. Let's go Because she dips them into a sweet sauce sure sure sure sure I didn't do that either man So then you got good I'd have you got cream cheese, California roll, okay? That's that's like like 800 calories, okay, then Four pork dumplings four huge pork dumplings. That's what? What are I don't know I'm trying to remember the numbers for adding.

Let's just go with 600 each even. Okay, so 1800 plus 7600. Then don't forget the fucking Sprite! She's gotta wash it down! So that's another, that's 2000. So I think we're at, I think if I haven't lost track, I think we're at 9600 calories. And keep in mind, she's not swimming in the Olympics.

Yes. So, I think the recommended, if I'm not mistaken, the recommended daily calories for an average male is 2,000. 2,000. For a woman, it's like 1,500, I think. For a woman, let's say it's 1,500. So, 9,600 divided by 1,500. So, she ate the meals of six and a half women that day.

Dude, that is such a deceptive shot. I know she's hiding half of the food. She's hiding half the food. There's six egg rolls and then there's a, that's like three, six, nine, that might be a 12 pack. Is she done by the way? Is that it? Watch this, it goes forward and then it's a cat

in a sandwich. That's it, that's it, that's it. Yeah, and then it starts over on the donut. And that is really one day. We didn't get that wrong today. That's what she said That's what she says. Can you play it again? She goes? Some people get confused with binge eating disorder because it looks like I'm eating all this delicious food So obviously I want to be eating it right wrong I don't enjoy bingeing to the point that I feel so sick and can't even breathe. This is an eating disorder, even if it

manifests differently than other eating disorders. Part of the reason I show this is so that I can look back and others can look back and see how bad I was struggling. Yeah, so this is a thing where she's like, this is a day where I binged, and then she binges so hard she gets sick, and she probably has to maybe get her stomach pumped, I guess, or whatever. Dude, that's...

And then... 9,600 is insane, man. Yeah, so that... I'm glad she overcame that, and... Yeah, honestly, good for her to getting to where she was, because that's like a serious like mental disorder. But also, but also, but also, but also, fuck you. You fucked with the wrong one.

But she's doing the work though. I don't like the whole narrative though where they go, and then people don't understand like the whole thing about like, it's like, what are you talking about? You don't think we all live with these desires? Like we all, I don't wanna eat all those things every fucking day. Right.

Yeah, it's just man. Oh God. God, that's honestly really blowing my mind, man. Like I thought I was a fat fuck, and I was like, I can't believe people actually do do that. Yeah. By the way, you didn't, people don't know her account, right? Oh, I mean we said it the whole time.

You didn't show it or something. I mean she's way more well known than we are. We said it about 45 times. She is more well known than we are. Yeah. Fuck her. Fuck her. She had it coming.

She could get good looking if she had a shred of discipline. Anyway, I'm starting to feel like Matt Walsh for fat people at this point. Yeah, we're shooting a documentary. Fake interviewing people. You put on a fat suit and you interview other fat people. What is fat?

What is fat? Why do fat people want to kill our kids? Oh, there's her in a bikini. little bikini shot nice nice little bikini shit Yeah, you know always a sprite by the way and every every shot every If you're fat you pretend that sprite is healthier. Yeah, cuz it's the color of water. Yeah, you literally do. You pretend you're like, well this is like having a soda water basically. It's a seltzer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like how alcoholics go like, well I'm only drinking clear liquors. Right. It's fine. That's how they view it. Yeah. I'm so happy I got to log in Instagram and have the switcher now to pull this shit up.

That was great. That was very, I gotta be honest, that was very eye-opening. I wanted to show you guys here for so long. You knew about this woman for a long time. I've been sitting on this lead for a while now. And you know what's funny? It actually, I had to goad you guys

into becoming rabid dogs. Yeah. I felt like I was training you in real time. I enjoyed it, man. I love nothing more than just being released. Mm-hmm. The hell, you guys are my hell hounds. Yeah.

And I'm what, what is it, I'm the huntsman or whatever? Yeah. You're Hades and we're like, Cerabus. Mm-hmm. With the like, the two-headed dog or whatever. It's beautiful. Yeah, it really is.

Well. Woo. God damn. Do we keep going or? I don't know, sure. With the like the two-headed dog or whatever. It's beautiful. Yeah, it really is. Well, whoo! God damn. Do we keep going or? I don't know, sure. Well, maybe we should do one more segment before we leave the people and do something kind of more kind. Uplifting and kind. Sure, right.

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um... So what's the last kind thing? Hear about these fucking Muslims in England? Yeah, here about this fucking immigration problem No, tell me about it. Okay. I

Don't think I don't think we can go past, I think we've hit our fat limit and I don't think we can go past any further. It's so funny, because we did the Patreon before this and I was fucking completely exhausted because I didn't even cook zero. We go get beer and caffeine and come back and then we just served, we started frothing at the mouth for the main episode for an hour and 10 minutes, like insane.

It felt like we were digging into earth, like running like this, like digging up quads of shit. But it's very fun to be a complete psycho, and I think everybody knows we're being. That made me feel really good. I felt like if Lemon Party was a puzzle, I felt like we put a piece in. We go, guys go guys we know we know you've been waiting for that piece Yeah, yeah, and it's a very large. It felt like a large piece. They've been waiting for us to just put into the buzzer

Yeah, it's like a piece. That's like half of the puzzle. Yeah. Yeah, we should We should have a bunch of people meet up every week at a at a bar that has a big TV to watch the podcast. You know the one where it's the meme of them all cheering when something happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It needs to be that, but when Devin starts ranting about it, fuck him! They all just start going crazy and cheering. I had the fantasy this episode, midway through this episode like man I wish I could be in the most racist machine shop that listens to the show On speaker and just see people going nuts while sparks are flying and shit. Yeah God bless every listener. God bless you. I love you. I love you guys so much. Sometimes I think about What could be happening.

In our lives? No, wherever they are when they listen to an episode. No, there's many listeners I actually hold very dear to my heart that I've met or talked to. They're beautiful people. They've sent us so many nice things from the Michael Richards book, which I'm reading now, to a Yamaha.

The Cameo book apparently is on the PO box. Cameo book is in the PO Box. The Great Bert Kreischer on the Road Signed Poster. We have the Oso's Bottle from J-Man. We've been sent so many nice things. So many nice messages, so many endearing paragraphs full of stuff that I've gotten from people. Beautiful things. Someone emailed me a threatening message with my home address.

We get tons of nice things in the mail. It never ends, man. They love us so much they want to come over. Someone emailed me a threatening message with my home address. We get tons of nice things in the mail. It never ends, man. They love us so much they wanna come over. You got my old address packet. But, uh, I moved a lot.

I'm on the run. Once again, DM me for a certain price, we'll make that happen. No, I'm kidding though. Patreon.com slash living party I guess we just have to end I wanted to do something nice at the end for the people so we're never going to do a single nice thing on this show. We're not nice. I don't want to turn into like a. It's because you're having you're going through an emotional.

Wait what do you want. You're going through and he's going through an emotional rigmarole Lately well, I don't know whether I mean I did cry in your living room last week Thank you. Thank you. I didn't want to bring it up. You know what we did no I said I could have been very vague I could have met you were angry about You shouted for nine hours, which is cool for some reason, instead of crying for a minute. You put a baseball on the tee, you don't think I'm gonna take a swing?

Yeah, because you're a good podcaster. So let's get on with you being a huge pussy in my house. You know what's, I was so exhausted. We did the two episodes and I went up. You know what's funny is I was sitting in that chair as you guys were talking, and I ordered $60 with a McDonald's on DoorDash. It was a perfect order.

And I go, fuck, it says it's gonna take 11 minutes to get here. I go, this is bullshit. I put my phone down and as I'm sitting waiting for the food, that's the 11 minutes I have to be alone with myself. And I started talking to you guys and I just started crying. And Devin said to me, he goes,

I've never seen you cry before in my life. No, I said the same thing. I go, I've known you for 32 years. This is the first time I've ever seen you cry. And then I said the score was 5,000 to one. So, yeah, and it was really gay. No, no it wasn't. It was not gay at all.

In all sincerity, it was not. It was so great. I think it was good for you. I think you needed to get some stuff out. You're feeling a lot of normal things in life, dude. You did something that I could never fathom doing first off you got married I can't found doing that you have a kid. I can't fathom doing that you gained a bunch away and you can't fathom No, man, like I I Understood where you were coming from and you hold a lot of stuff in all the time

I think it's good for you to get it out. Yes I was I was very happy you got it out and I don't ever want you to feel bad about crying. No, I wanna be like dad. Yeah. Dad's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was really.

Dad rules. That's what you said. You go, I'm sorry I cried, I go, stop that dad shit. You go, dad rules. Dad actually kicks. That's awesome. I think he's great. Yeah.

Our father who once ran into a Taco Bell so he wouldn't cry in front of me. The only time I've ever seen him start to tear up. Me and Jason were golfing today and I kept leaning over and I kept doing an impression of my dad where I'd grab him like this. I go, why do you hate me? Which is the thing he would say all the time.

Right, because he didn't have a mirror in front of him. Why do you hate me? Damn. My dad, I think, was constantly doing voiceover for a Terrence Malick film or something. Yeah, he'd go, mother, father. Then I just, why do my kids talk about me on the podcast? Just running his hand through wheat on a Sunday.

I was just really tired, and there was bile spilling up over out of me and I need to, I've been trying to, I'm keeping myself more in check with the being angry for no reason about stuff and yeah. Well I think you just need to get stuff out. It's not. I just need to like pull myself up by my bootstraps and be like, millions of people have done this before. It's fine. It's not a big deal.

Everything's cool. But yeah, there was 10 different things happening at the time. And I apologize for actually doing that. Please don't apologize. Don't apologize. Don't apologize. It's actually very gay to apologize for being emotional

with your father. It was my hope you guys don't cry in front of me. One of your best friends. I think I've cried in front of you a few times. You have. It's actually very gay to apologize for being emotional with Friends I think I've cried in front of you a few times you have I think I think Devon you've cried in front of me Yeah, yeah, you're a crybaby. I love to cry. Yeah crying I love waking up the next day me like and then like and then a calculating if their response was proper calculating if their response was proper. You're blowing a little like menthol tube in your eyes that actors use. I wake up and I go outside, smoke a cigarette even though I smoke cigarettes and I go, I wonder if were they good to me last night? I don't care about how I made them feel.

Were they good to me? I was crying and then as soon as the McDonald dash, as soon as the McDonald's got here, I bolted out the door and I was like, I came back and said, I was like, I'm suddenly not so sad anymore. Yeah, it was very nice to watch an addiction work so, like a diagram of the water cycle. It's, you know what it is,

I'm not really going through anything at all. At the end of the day, I just need a beer or a cigarette or something. Well, I don't know. That's because if I had that, I'd be fine. That's how I work. I don't think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was normal life stuff. You literally never show how you're actually feeling. You talk in cartoonish ways about everything all the time and I'm always having to read into, all right, I have to connect the dots of your clown bullshit. You are watching Inland Empire for your emotions and I have to go back, I have to go on Reddit

and be like, what's up with Ben right now? You're watching my emotions on VHS. Yeah, yeah, and then a guy on Letterboxx is like, he's like, oh, he's feeling bad about this. I go, oh, that's it, okay. That makes a lot of sense. No, it's just sleep deprivation, that's all it was. That's why I was crying, that's all.

Yeah, sure. No, it's new stuff in life. No, it's not, dude, look, dad rules. It was very funny. And I wanna be like dad. You know, I listened to the last 15 minutes of our last Patreon today when I walked to AMPM to buy vitamins.

And I listened to you and then I remembered that you cried and I was like, oh, this all like a it was a lead-up Yeah, it was a 30 minute lead-up to the 10 minute conversation. Yeah, what were we talking about in the patreon? Health care in this Fucking angry providing for three. I'm stressed about finances I'm providing for providing for people now and you never really never really the way I ate for providing for three people. You're providing for people now, and you never really hit.

The way I eat four. There you go. And it never quite hit you, you know? Yeah, there were things hitting me about, you know, just normal bullshit. Which is fucking normal. And that's, you know, we're all here for you. Well, I hate being vulnerable

because then people can attack me for being, you know, you show your Tinder spots, people wanna poke it with a big stick. Right. Well, I don't know if that's- So that's what you do, and then people go, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke. I don't know.

I think Dad did that to you once on a golf course when you were 13, and then that's kind of like the emotion that that's carried through. He did punch me on a golf course, which was really funny. Yeah, because you were crying. He pushed me down a tee box, and he got over me, and he goes, he got over me, he goes, don't you ever feel sorry for yourself.

Ben, not punch for crying? That's the last time Ben ever cried. Wow. Was that. Wow. Ben, that punch for crying? That's the last time Ben ever cried. Wow. Was that? Wow. No, I cried. So the last time I remember crying, I was 25.

And I had recently stopped drinking, and I was driving Postmates, and I remember coming up over the hill, like in Laurel Canyon, and I all of a sudden, this happens to me sometimes, I'll just start crying out of nowhere, like really hard,

like an insane amount. And I just remember thinking, I just want my dad to say he's proud of me. And that came out of me. And I realized that I kept looking for like a paternal figure, like a fraternal figure. Father figure, yeah. Yeah, to, I've been latching onto new dads

and then wanting them to be proud of me and I slowly tried to shed that throughout my 20s. But that like came spilling out of me and I couldn't stop crying in traffic. And then I just like, as soon as it stopped, I just acted like it didn't happen. Yeah. I just kept trying. You go, well, I can just push that down

for a couple more years. I'm just gonna forget the fact that I started weeping randomly for 10 straight minutes. Yeah, yeah. But it's normal. It's good, man, it's healthy. It's good, it's healthy, yeah. Well, when you have a daughter, you look at pictures of her

and you just wanna cry all the time. Like, you look, you just start, dude, I'll look at your fucking story sometimes and I'll see her and I'll be like, oh god damn, that's heavy. It's heavy in a positive way, it's heavy in a negative way. I really never get the heavy.

Every time I see her, a holder feels like a very acid trippy type of thing. When I'm there and shit, it's like yeah, but sometimes I'll just replay the story and she's bouncing around and I'm like, that's so crazy. That's so crazy That's Ben and Katie like so I went over two days ago and she's in the Jolly Jumper and she's leaping Like into the air and then she's like kind of talking and I was like, ah, it's weird They just watch this thing like form. Yeah, like they're not like slowly

Developing a personality and it looks exactly like Ben. So it feels like I know I know I couldn't be there tonight and she was putting her in the crib and she was saying dad dad daddy developing a personality and it looks exactly like Ben, so it feels like, you know. I couldn't be there tonight and she was putting her in the crib and she was saying, dad, dad, daddy, and she learned to talk this week and that's all she says. I'm gonna start coming around more, cause like if she turns into one of these binge eaters all fuckin', I'll kill all of you.

How is this talk, by the way, at the end of the episode, we just did? That's what I'm saying. And people are gonna hate it so much to call me a gay pal. No. You said you wanted to do something nice, so this was a nice conversation.

Oh yeah, we're doing something nice. You want us to be nice. You want to be a nice guy. But being nice isn't funny, it's not funny. Holy, come on, call me gay. It's not, it's not funny. You learned your lesson. Say I suck.

It's not funny, all the. You learned your lesson. This is why I kinda coaxed you into this. I go, is this what you want to do? No, tell me I suck! You want to do this? Tell me I suck! No, we love you and support you no matter what.

Ben, you're a fucking absentee father and... So you're giving him... Because I wasn't there to die. You're giving him what he wants. He's begging for the crack. You're throwing it at his feet. You're always leaving her to go do your show and it's fucking pathetic.

And wait till she finds out about this show. You'll be crying fucking more than you've ever imagined. Yeah, she'll be doing a podcast about you one day. I love doing this evil ass show. I know, dude. I don't care. You never witnessed the- I don't really care what it looks like visually.

I feel so much more like in the zone in this place. Oh, I think the episodes have been. The fact that we're all so much closer to each other is like, makes a world of difference. I think the episodes have been as good as, or if not better than anything we've done. I agree. Yeah. Yeah, we haven't missed a beat.

Well, I should get some in my diet, but here we haven't missed one. All right, well that was the first beat we missed. Oh! I get some in my diet, but here we haven't missed one. All right, well that was the first beat we missed. No! You just cursed yourself. It's like when you tell a pitcher, hey, you got a perfect game going. Then, you know, home run out of the park.

Anyway, patreon.com slash living party. Love you guys. It's just fucking weird. Like, I witnessed the birth of my daughter, and then the next day, like I think within 48 hours I came over here and we recorded. It is odd. Episodes, I think I was talking about George Floyd.

Like I was talking about Derek Chauvin being innocent. No, he didn't come here. Yeah, I came over here. We were in your place. No, no, it was here and I was talking about, I was pulling up the autopsy of George Floyd within 48 hours of witnessing the birth of my child. It was actually one of our most vicious episodes.

I even saw some fans be like, well, I think they have, that is a bit much. Like some fans who've briefly listened to two years and are just like, well, that seems a bit gross to me. I was pulling up from the medical examiner and I was going through the toxicology report. Are you talking about an episode we did? Of George Floyd.

Yeah, yeah, it was after the birth of him. We did it in the old studio. No, no, no, the first one, right after. Oh. He said after the birth of his daughter. Yeah, it was like right after. It was the immediate episode. No, no, no, we did it in a different studio.

Oh, holy shit! I didn't know what you meant. You're fucking holy shit! I didn't know what you meant. You're fucking retarded. I didn't know what you meant. You're half a retard. I forgot about that. God damn it. We done two episodes in that studio?

There really is a Goldilocks zone with him and the drinks and then it just goes to shit immediately. I didn't know, you aren't fucking specific. And your daughter will learn that soon enough and she'll grow to hate you for it. And you're gonna be at a big issue, and you'll be crying on my fucking shoulder all the time. Not have to talk to you, oh man, oh it's okay,

Katie left you, she left with the kid. You want me to become a big fat fag, is that what you want? You should prepare to like, you should really be nice to me, because there might be a day. There might be a day where you really need, you need some shelter. I'm kidding, I love you.

We'll cut out the end of this episode. Oh, why? Why? Because it's too bold. You wanted to be nice. I wanna be nice. I don't wanna be angry. I wanna love everybody.

I wanna be. We all do, we all do. And that't want to be angry. I want to love everybody. I want to be. We all do, we all do. And that's how we love people, by hating them and saying they should die and that fat people should kill themselves. But see, are you supposed to love everybody? This is the magic of art, right? It's the opposites, it's duality.

Yes, exactly. But I love you guys, I love my family, but I also love being evil. So I can't even have a love for... Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think most people feel this way. If you haven't met the person, you can say whatever you want about them, and that's the Reddit.

And like, yeah. Like if any, and you don't have to become one of these people who you go like, well, we're truth tellers, like we're telling an unfortunate story. It's like, no, we're being evil and mean. And if this lady came to me and was like, that was really even me, and I go, yeah, I know, I'm really sorry about that. I'm so sorry, I'd apologize immediately.

I apologize, I go, that's really mean, I'm gonna continue to do it, I'm a bad guy. I don't have to create this narrative of like, ooh, I'm actually good, no, we're people, and you're nice, you're nice, and then you also will put people in a fucking oven if there's enough people telling you to. I would say to that lady, sorry I have range.

Yeah. Sorry I'm three dimensional. I apologize, but at the end of the day, I'm a jack of all trades. Exactly. And I chopped you up. Bitch. Bitch. And then I mush her head away. Yeah, and I shove a pie of all trades. Exactly. And I chopped you up. Bitch. Bitch.

And then I mush her head away. Yeah, and I shove a pie in her face like James Cagney. And she'd love that, by the way. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, like James Cagney, you try to shove a grape through in her face and she'd start burning and shrieking. What are we doing now, Ben?

Are you going through more videos? I'm watching more videos of her eat in the dark. She's eating all the time. It's all the time. It's all the time with her Yeah, anyway, I think we got a we should probably and I got we got to do like a bunch of ads and stuff, too Oh, mr. Hollywood over here. We got to do ads Mr. Big podcasters got to do I'm just trying to end before you start crying again and embarrass yourself. Oh, wait, hold on. I wanna watch one more video of this bitch.

Okay, sure. Because I don't wanna end it with me. Let's go, let's go. One more, one more. Here we go. And I'm letting you guys know that I'm gonna suck it up. But I'm sorry, I need to be stronger. Survive versus thrive is the name of the video.

Here we go. All right, good. Oh, recording yourself crying, God. You know how to survive. Thrive vs Thrive is the name of the video. Here we go. All right, good. Oh, recording yourself crying, God. Oh. Oh. Oh, that's so much food. That's unbelievable amounts of food. Yeah, the problem is she's actually really good

at surviving. She's too good at it. These people, they make a case for an apocalypse. She's actually really good at surviving. She's too good at it these people They they make a case for an apocalypse Like their whole goal is to make like world leaders feel better about a nuclear holocaust Yeah, you would put them in a camp, but they wouldn't they would they would live for too long Be like five years and they're still halfway to their goal weight All right

I don't want to I just love you guys so much. I love you. We're gonna go upstairs and do the exact same All the name we had to edit out at the beginning of the last episode we can talk about that Yeah, I just I thank God every day for this show and for you guys and everything. Of course, my life is full of more blessings than I ever, honestly, than I ever thought I would get. And it's pretty incredible, and I try to reflect on that a lot. Blessings, yeah.

What, I'm a faggot, because I said blessings. We have many blessings such as? Such as Ruby's flowers. Oh. What are the other ones? I don't remember. I usually zone out. I hate ads.

My bookie and Hello Fresh. I usually zone out during the ads actually. So I guess that should be the episode then. Yeah, let's wrap it up. Yeah. All right. Well, God bless you all. God bless you, Benjamin Avery.

And God bless you all. God bless everybody at home. And I'm sorry about the live streams with the internet going out. Devin got it fixed with a lady. So, Paige, the- I called the bitch, Spectrum bitch, and they said something, and they're coming or something. Please don't

There's a bad way. It's LA. It's fucking it's like it's like fucking you know, it's like t2 every fucking day out here Especially the summer it's hot you have no you literally like no one tells you like why anything's happening Just shit is weird. Those shut the power off. Yeah, don't give a shit I called today. They told me to unplug the shit. I go the upload speeds 1.8. I go that's like embarrassingly bad She was like, okay, well unplug this unplug that and then I'm gonna press we make your internet good again button And I go, okay, they literally said they'll flip a thing or something. They didn't say that but that's what they do That's what they do. It always happens like that So she told me to unplug stuff in a in a in a certain order. I unplugged it up a thing or something. They didn't say that, but that's what they do. That's what they do. It always happens like that.

So she told me to unplug stuff in a certain order. I unplugged it, I plugged it back in, and then she goes, oh, your modem has a thing, so we're gonna send somebody out, and I'm like, okay, so we need to replace the modem. I go, okay, and then we get off the phone. And then I check the internet speed, and it's already 10 times what it was before.

Even before they changed the modem. So I go, oh, you just needed to flick a button or make me unplug shit? Yeah, it's just power outages. And so they ramp it to whoever's not complaining or whoever's rich, like they keep. Their internet going, Devin called her a bitch enough that they're like, oh, fine, we'll give you something.

Yeah, I was really conting on this one. As you should be. You're like, where's all the internet being allocated to? And they go, there's a Jace Avery in the east side of Los Angeles. He's got PornHub open, he's got Xhamster open, he's got YouPorn open, he's got XNXX open. I go, where do you think most of the patreon money's going buddy? I Go I need at least a 1000 megabit per second download speed

Yeah, pornhub's about to give you your own server. Yeah, they were they bring in like a freezer They give me people the they gave me the oil's cool They gave me the key to the city a big gold coin Outside your apartment with all the actual servers, like with the wires and stuff. And I go, guys, I go, guys, hook me into it. And they upload me into Pornhub like I'm the lawn mower man. And I'm just going, I'm downloading every video. Terabytes, terabytes, terabytes, terabytes, terabytes. I turn into a digital Jesus Christ.

It's beautiful. You fuck the ones, it's ones and zeros, but they're fucking each other. Yeah, I'm putting my dick, I'm taking the one and I'm shoving it in the zero. I'm going fucking whore, fucking bitch. You just put it's abstract fucking. I'm looking at like Matrix falling random, like's a midget guy black dude and there's I go that's a red room That's a podcast that hates fat people podcast they their dad was really mean to him when they were kids, you know, they hate fat people

Their dad was really mean to them when they were kids. You know, they hate fat people He wasn't he loved us any I love you buddy, I love you I love you so much I love you Devon I love you so much, but don't you ever say dad was a good dad That's when you've crossed the line rules and I'm naming this episode dad rules Dad kicks ass Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dad kicks ass. Yeah.

It was funny, I kept crying. I was like, dad kicks ass. Yeah. It was really funny. Yeah. It really was killing me. I know, it was cracking me up. Yeah, it was good.

All right, God bless everybody. Sorry my light went out here. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party for more episodes. We have tons of content. We're shooting a Lemon Party golf on Wednesday. We're doing tons of stuff. We're keeping the train rolling, everybody. Bye. See you next week. Bye Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in roses cantina Music would play and Polita would whirl

blacker than night were the eyes of Polita wicked and evil while casting a spell my love was deep for this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a wild young cowboy came in, wild as the west Texas wind.