lemonparty - 099: All the Small Things

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

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Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Alright Jason, we can start the episode right here. Hey, everybody. How's it going? Hey. We just didn't say something horrific. Make sure you start it where I say, Jason, you can start it here. That's where it should start. Like, say, like, cut in that little so that you can get some BTS stuff.
Starting point is 00:00:43 They should know that there's some little secret fruit they didn't get Access to that we had to cut for the algorithm. I'm super excited for the episode today. I have some we have some are you really? Yeah, what about the Trump stuff? Sure, I mean, I'm just I'm chomping at the bit here to show you guys some stuff. Really? Yeah, okay. Really, what is it? I'm trying to show us 9-11 footage. Have you guys heard of this?
Starting point is 00:01:09 This is crazy. I'm trying to be like at home, like I have like a little bit of time, like the baby's sleeping, I'm like I'm gonna be professional about this show, I'm gonna research like the history of the micro penis, see if I can't pull together a good episode. Ooh, la la. I didn't pull together a good episode.
Starting point is 00:01:25 Ooh, la la. I didn't know we were doing an episode about India. I'm shutting myself in my office. Sitting in a big armchair. You're like him in The Shining just typing away. You go, when you hear this noise, I'm looking at baby penises. Which by the way, it's very funny,
Starting point is 00:01:40 you guys are shining. Ben and I watched The Shining like a week ago together, and I've seen it a million times, but this is the first time it really hit me that he's five months sober in that movie. And I would love to remake it, or re-edit it at least, and just add one scene where in the midst of the madness, when he's chasing them, he finds a bottle of whiskey,
Starting point is 00:02:00 pours himself a drink, and he just goes, ugh. And then it ends. He's like, he stops, he goes apologize, he goes, I don't know what got into me. He walks up to Wendy, he goes, I love you so much. I love you guys, this is so crazy, all I needed was a little hooch. I'm gonna finish my novel, and I'm, no, the axe,
Starting point is 00:02:18 I don't even know, why would I ever have an axe? I don't think you're a stupid bitch anymore, you're great. The movie is really just about how hard it is to be sober He's white knuckling his white knuckling the whole movie and they look where that leads him He's white knuckling not beating the shit out of his child There's just Sunday ticket commercial that's glaring in the background. That's great. Let's just play in an FLK from this week Give me give me the bat Wendy. Give me that Give me the back, Wendy. Give me the back.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me the back. Give me down, he's holding an axe. He's like, what the fuck? He goes, huh? What is this all about? Who threw this axe and all this blood in it? He goes, why is this dead black guy in the foyer? But then he gets so drunk that he,
Starting point is 00:03:15 he grabs the axe. Yeah, no, he's so drunk he just fucks that old woman in the bathroom. He skull fucks her, and then he kills the black guy. As soon as he shows up. He walks ins her and then he kills the black guys. He still kills the black guys. He walks in and he's like, what's up baby? I'm gonna eat that shit all night. Yeah, Scatman Crothers is called there.
Starting point is 00:03:33 He's like, there's no drinking on the premises. No drinking to hooch. No drinking to hooch. Yeah, he goes, stop calling me the hard R. He just hammered, he's like, you shouldn't have got the red, fuck you. Yeah, I also didn't know that that time, we rewatched it, Ben and I, and it was like,
Starting point is 00:03:50 I didn't realize he like, basically, he broke his kid's arm. Yeah, that's the backstory, is that he grabs Danny too hard and snapped his collarbone. The subtext is he may have molested Danny. I think he fucked Danny. You guys were both saying that, I didn't get the fucking subtext
Starting point is 00:04:05 But I think the fingers with the shining I think that's that's his dad's cock. Yeah, he made him speaking the finger up his dad's ass What was the other we had a really we we it woke me up What was the other, we had a, it woke me up. We had a million new theories about the movie. When he's driving to the. Yeah, to the Overlook. To the Overlook Hotel, he's like, hey. You can see he's crazy and he has this moment
Starting point is 00:04:35 where they're trying to talk to him. You can tell he's not listening. And. Never related to a man harder in my life. He's saying something super condescending and it looks like he's about to go, oh, fuck, drive us run up this fucking mountain. No, he goes, he goes, you hear that, honey?
Starting point is 00:04:48 He heard about it on the television. And he goes, this crazy look. Yeah, and then Shelley Devol's just like, oh, my loving family. Yeah, I love a movie where the main character, we don't like him at all and he sucks ass. There's zero redeeming qualities. He's not even, if you rewatch the movie,
Starting point is 00:05:04 he's not even doing his job day one in the hotel. No, he doesn't do- She's checking all the pipes and shit. He doesn't check on anything at all, yeah. No, he's sleeping in and she brings him bacon. It's a movie about a, it's a typical American man. It's just a movie about a man. Gadoon molested his son so hard he broke his arm.
Starting point is 00:05:23 He broke his arm. What was he doing to Danny Soren? He was forcing him to do a reach around. Which is a little beyond the pale to me. And then so The just black. We all have the shiny, if you're black. You were raped, you were raped, and you're arm broke, I'm black. I'm not allowed to go to a country club. A white boy who's been molested the same as just a black man in 1972. Scatman Crothers goes.
Starting point is 00:05:55 He goes, you know my boss calls me a shine. The moon shining. Me and my grandma used to shine shoes for hours without even opening our mouths. It's just Stanley Kubrick was a vicious racist. It's like naming a movie Moulin Yarn. I love that movie. The hotel's whole goal is to get him to kill Scatman Crothers.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And the hotel's like, oh, do whatever you want. I'm good, actually, now. It's so like, oh, do whatever you want, I'm good actually now. It's so cool though that that movie had the balls to, like, you and I talked about this, where Scatman Crothers senses something's up, he drives all the way there in a snowstorm, he rents a... Flies across the country.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Flies across the country. From Miami to Denver. Gets in a snow patrol... Snow cap. Snow cap thing, drives through a blizzard, gets there, you think there's gonna be some sort of big, he's gonna at least make some headway. He immediately gets axed in the chest.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Walking in like, oh, that was a long trip, but I'm finally here, and then, yeah, ax in his heart. And then Nicholson has that great moment where he, the ax is in him, he's like, yeah, and he pushes it. He's shoving it in. Yeah, he's being like a dick about it. Yeah. Yeah, it kicks ass. What. He's being like a dick about it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you look at that. What's great about the movies, you watch it when you're like 19 or 20.
Starting point is 00:07:09 And it's just a it's a scary hotel. And it freaks out. And then you learn about like the horrors of life and you learn like who your parents really are and how bad life can really get. And the foreboding darkness, like underneath everything. And then you rewatch the movie a decade later And you just see your own father. Yeah, and that's like and you and you see yourself in your dad It's a really really dark fucked up
Starting point is 00:07:35 About a guy white-knuckling sobriety and barely hang right it's not about a scary hotel. No at all. You know what's funny I rewatched I was sick And I saw you guys were watching it so I threw it on just to pretend I could be there. And yes, if you're having deja vu, we briefly skipped over this last week. We briefly talked about this. There was the scene when they pour the whiskey in the bar at the Ghost Bar.
Starting point is 00:07:53 There was a part where I was like, ooh, that looks like a good whiskey. Ooh, I bet that tastes really nice. I gotta say, when I did see the movie for the first time in my life, I was like, hmm, reminds me a lot of my dad on a bad day. Oh, I saw your dad. Which is five days out of seven.
Starting point is 00:08:10 If they remake the movie, that guy in act three, he wants to kill the president. He's gonna kill Trump. Yes, he's talking about it. With an AK-47 and a scope. I swear to God, if I could, I would. Yeah, he's writing just about how Tulsi Gabbard rocks on his paper.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Danny, does your mom believe this? Yeah. My buddy Jake Rhodes of Pendeo Time, he made this point, he texted me, he goes, how the fuck did Ben get his door knocked by the FBI and somehow this guy, the guy that killed Trump, or that tried to kill Trump, no one
Starting point is 00:08:45 They said they had no prior contact with him and let me show you a tweet from him because he was pro-ukraine Look at this Ryan Ruth said Elon Musk. I would like to buy a rocket from you I wish to load it with a warhead for Putin's black sea man chin bunker to end him Can you give me a prize, please? It can be old and used as not returning and then he gives his phone number Did you did you call him by the way? I didn't call him. I loaded it up and I was like, I've already got the FBI already called me a few years ago. The
Starting point is 00:09:12 FBI guy who called you sees that it's you calling. You're on caller ID. What if he picks up and he goes, is this Ben from Lemon Party? He goes, did I butt dial you? I thought we checked in last month. Yeah, so I love that he's alive, though. That's a really cool, that's a- And then we'll get to see what he did. For anyone that doesn't know, he snuck onto Trump International Golf Course, which is a few miles from Mar-a-Lago, where Trump was playing.
Starting point is 00:09:37 He went a couple of holes ahead of Trump. He jumped a fence and got in a bush with an AK-47 that was scoped, and he had a GoPro. And the Secret Service always just stay ahead. Yeah, sure. And they immediately were like, there's a guy in scoped and he had a GoPro. And the Secret Service always just stay ahead. And they immediately were like, there's a guy in a bush right there with a rifle. And they opened fire on him and the guy ran. And then someone, a witness said he got in a Nissan SUV,
Starting point is 00:09:55 which of course it's a black Nissan SUV. Of course he went to Nissan. Fucked him so much. And then he rode up the freeway and they pulled him over immediately. And apparently this guy has been arrested with, he had a weapon of mass destruction in 2002. He held up inside of a roofing company with a machine gun. They tried to pull him over and he escaped from the cops
Starting point is 00:10:17 and then for three hours he was inside a room with a machine gun. What they did was they scouted him, much like a movie about a basketball scout or baseball scouts. They go, much like a movie about a basketball scout or baseball scouts. They go, we like your work. You seem perfectly malleable for the deep state. You're libtard Lee Harvey Oswald.
Starting point is 00:10:33 That's why he kept getting off with these other violent things that he was apparently gonna do. And they brought him into a room and they did like a tick, tick, tick, tick. And they did like a, you know, you're gonna kill They did like, you know, you're going to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. Yeah, game modal acid. Yeah. And and did you see him tweeting Tulsi for president right here? Yeah, he loves Tulsi because he wants the fucker.
Starting point is 00:10:54 He said Kimmel may have a valid point. What if COVID? So it's funny, he's being like MKed by Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, yeah. He's like he's like Kimmel cried. So I have to kill the president. What if COVID-19 does eliminate Joe Biden, Bernie and Trump and even Pence? Tulsi, we need to ramp up our efforts and grow support to win the field and the hours to none, you can win.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Let me help. He's in a like a YouTube video. That's some guy, like some guy that goes around just like interviewing people or walking through the streets. He's like in that too. Yeah, he's been everywhere apparently. Yeah, the guy is, he's like Chewy from Jimmy Kimmel. I mean, it's unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:11:24 They send him down to interview people. Yeah, he's all over. What's up, Lemon Party fans? Ruby's Flowers Hemp Farm is back to offer more great deals on their all-natural flower and THC gummies. But first, they want to tell you a story. A story about how there was once a young, handsome actor struggling to make it in Hollywood. After a tough day, his smartest friend Eddie introduced him to the joys of flower and everything clicked. He started his own show. He didn't trust the
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Starting point is 00:13:41 have never taken these products before. Ruby's Flowers Hemp Farm is not affiliated with Joe Rogan in any way. Thank you, Ruby's Flowers. They panic at the end of their read and they go, Rogan, please don't do anything. Yeah, we end up in a massive lawsuit. We were crushed.
Starting point is 00:13:56 So thank you, Ruby's Flowers, and now back to the show. And once again, Elon nuked his account. They're trying to silence the Dems once again. Which is very gay. Not letting them have a voice. Elon was like, take that down. Keep up ends posting Fs.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Real Twitter account, I found. This confirms to me, by the way, because this guy had an American flag in his account, and he was just sincerely tweeting about politics. Now I assume anyone doing that is mentally insane. That's my red flag. Anyone could be Ryan Ruth or whatever. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:27 100 percent. I just love that he's alive and I hope he makes it to at least one interview before a Jack Ruby guy comes up to him, before Harry Sisson comes up to him with a gun. Yeah, his Jack Ruby comes up, but he also fails. Yeah, just get shot to death. Yeah, if this guy gets bail, he's going to go on like two bears, one cave next week. Right. Yeah, he's going to go like two bears one cave next week, right? He's gonna go on the hawk to try to kill the president buddy. That's gobbity
Starting point is 00:14:52 Yeah, it'll just be burko like So he voted for Trump in 2016, but he hates Trump now he donated to McCain in 2015 He's resident 2022 with a machine gun after running from the cops and locking himself in a roofing company's office. Also, he's pro-Ukraine, by the way. That's why, I mean, Snowden, I even saw Snowden was tweeting about how he's Lee Harvey Oswald
Starting point is 00:15:15 because he went to Ukraine for nine months and then he wasn't fit to serve in the military, but then they appointed, they made him a scout to hire people for the Ukraine military while he was over there. And they're interviewing him. And he's like, never. He said he's never going to leave. I love this so much. My friend Jake, again, from Puneo time, made this point. But he was like, is it so is the talent in America so
Starting point is 00:15:40 bone deep that they can't even find a patsy to kill the president? We're going to hire an assassin from India to do it. No, they got. The last guy was just like a like a lunar. Yeah, we have fucking D.I. assassins. Mm hmm. I know nobody's a crack shot anymore. You can't you can't kill the president anymore because of woke. Unfortunately, because of the woke because of the woke. You can't kill the president of the United States.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Yeah, it is also funny. I saw I heard they They're gonna get him by Halloween, by the way. I think you're actually right. They're gonna get our guy. I think they're gonna finally get one guy who isn't fully retarded and he's gonna turn his head into an old Jack O'Lantern before Halloween. Yeah, with a candle in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just melt it.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Why would he leave anymore if you were Trump? I would never, just don't go out. Cause you can't let the bastards get you down. You gotta go to your rallies and speak, to talk yo shit. Talk yo shit. But then, you know, you probably can't be. But he's in a little glass box now, right?
Starting point is 00:16:36 The fact that he's being attacked on his own golf course by like guys that are like doing stealth camping videos on YouTube is insane. Some guy with a GoPro, he's like making beans. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe he's just upset that Trump's been fucking Laura Wimmer, it really depressed him.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Maybe. That Trump's falling to that level. What's sad about this is that I saw it today and I go, right, yeah. Yeah. It shouldn't be jaded that the former president keeps almost getting killed Oh, yeah, I heard I didn't even know we didn't care Miss because of course of course Trump's fucking unkillable. Yeah, cuz he can bend reality around him fucking Teflon Don
Starting point is 00:17:19 Maybe that's the reason maybe they would have been able to kill Kennedy, but Trump is so He has so much aura. They can't even get close to him. No, you can't fucking... You can't kill swag. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Swag is forever. He's swagalicious.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Yeah, yeah. What's the line from the Sandlot? A legend's never die or whatever? Something like that. I forget the exact one. But he changes that to swag. Yeah. Whatever the quote is from Sandlot. the swag never dies. It just fades away
Starting point is 00:17:46 Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I have to look at that quote now from my favorite movie the same I love the same. I'm gonna get a tattoo. This is legends never die in a picture of the James L Jones with the blind eyes Trump has some PF flyers on this way keeps escaping. Oh Heroes get remembered but legends never die Which is attributed to the ghost of Babe Ruth. Yeah. Yeah. Yep, who was really, really fat.
Starting point is 00:18:13 Yep. Visited the kid from the Sandlot from the pits of hell. It's so funny. Imagine being so fat they just name a candy bar after you. Yeah, and then lie about it. You're so fat that they name candy after you and then don't want to give you money because you're that fat Imagine your name is like mr. Hershey. Yeah, and you're so fat like a chocolate. Yeah, and they're like Yeah, did you name that after me and they're like, yeah, yeah, they're like, yeah, but we're gonna we're gonna why we named after some stupid
Starting point is 00:18:40 baby So we don't have to give you a scent Because you're such a fat my name is Dave Snickers yeah my name is so fat my name is peanut M&M's yeah it's also swag no you can't kill swag it's also funny to be the greatest baseball player of all time and then when somebody's like Babe Ruth they're like oh that's you know that big fat guy or whatever you know but he was like the he was the Shohei Otani of his day. So this is the right kind of a thing. I wanted to bring up too because
Starting point is 00:19:11 Everybody has in their head famous people throughout history who had a micro penis sure, but you can never really Know right? Sometimes you do usually in the case of like a man gets accused of rape and then you can read the court Documents and all the witnesses are describing what his penis was like which is funny a rapist with a micro penis It's like a mass shooter with a gun that doesn't work Just love the idea of the ladies about to testify she's like his piece was he's like I'm guilty actually this is fine It's on hotes now with Sean Evans. This is interviewing.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Oh, it's Hot Ones with Donald Duck. Donald Duck. Yeah. Bring up a new thing, hold on. I thought that was a longer video, that's my bad. No, it's okay. Well, how come Sean Evans, he didn't seem to get much shit for too long
Starting point is 00:20:01 about like, he was dating that porn star, and they went to the Super Bowl, and then he like immediately broke up with her right after. Because he figured out Adam 22 fucked her. Oh, is that true? Yeah, Adam 22 tweeted like, that's some nice ass pussy brother I know from experience and then he dumped her like.
Starting point is 00:20:15 You told me you never fucked a black guy. I said you can fuck black guys no wiggers. That's our rule. Yeah, and he dumped her I I think, like that same day. That same day, yeah. So. Who do you guys think had micro penis? So, by the way, the reason I brought up that thing
Starting point is 00:20:37 about testifying is, dude, I missed so many things during COVID because everything was about like- Oh, is that the Golden State Killer? Yeah. Dude, did you ever see this clip of, is that the Golden State Killer? Yeah. Did you ever see this clip of a, I love the Golden State Killer. Yeah, he's great.
Starting point is 00:20:48 He does great work. He did amazing stuff with the, with the plates and china. Yeah, yeah. Great pottery work. Yeah. Yeah. The Golden State Killer hearing, they had to mute the applause cause it was over zoom during COVID. When the audience, when a victim in the audience pointed
Starting point is 00:21:03 to Joseph D'Angelo after the DA described his small penis. Oh, he had a tiny dick? I never knew this. And I checked. There's not even really articles about this. And it's so good. Typical cop. She could no longer hear him in the house.
Starting point is 00:21:15 She was able to remove the blindfold and hop, still bound to a neighbor's house for help. When asked to describe assailant to law enforcement, Jane Doe, number 20, reported that he had a small penis. The fact that was consistently reported by the majority of the sexual assaulting. Is there applause happening right now? Thank you for your intervention.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Factual basis. Ah! Did they cut the audience? That was like standing applause. People got up. People rose. Yeah, like somebody just won an Academy Award. You remember in Like Mike when he makes the shot and Jonathan Littnicki starts clapping
Starting point is 00:21:57 first? Old men jumped up in the air with both arms raised. Apparently, by the way, I think we've been much too harsh on the micro penis people, which I looked up. It affects like point six percent of people. That's like it's way. What is technically a micro penis? Did you look this up? Yeah, it's the what's the length we talk. I think it was like one fifth of the normal length.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Like so you can have like a three and a half, three and a half inch penis that's stretched out. and that's a micro penis. If you stretch it to 3 1 2. Yeah, yeah, so. So at rest it's like one. You can avert your gaze real quick from the Wikipedia about the micro penis real quick. I wanna make direct eye contact with it.
Starting point is 00:22:37 I'm so sorry, micro penis. Yeah, just don't look at the pictures of the micro penis as if you don't want to. Damn, damn that's so sad. So it's a common criterion is a dorsal penile length of at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the mean human penis size for age. Okay. So.
Starting point is 00:22:58 That's less than 0.75 in infants, which I don't know why we're classifying that. Yeah, thank God people are measuring infants.'s a micro penis three inches yeah look at that three inches micro so I have seen in locker rooms guys I thought had micro penises but there's actually a confute confusion here and there is a different kind of there's there's one where there's a hidden penis I'm gonna look this up real quick. Cause I was gonna say, I've seen a penis that's maybe 10 times smaller than that in a locker room. So look at this.
Starting point is 00:23:31 This is actually a buried penis. Also called a hidden penis. It's a vagina on a ball sack. That looks like the brain alien from Starship Troopers. That's a pussy on a ball sack. That's fucked up. It's so fucked up, it leads to urinary difficulties, poor hygiene, infection.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Oh, so they have to pull their balls, they have to open their penis hole to piss. It's worse than letting helium out of a balloon. They have to sit down to pee and it leaks all down their balls and they wipe their balls like a pussy. They have to put a little plastic tube like you get maple syrup out of a tree to go piss.
Starting point is 00:24:09 If these guys make money, they can just force prostitutes to deal with those. Man, that's actually hilarious. That one's insane with the fat pad on top. Yeah, good. It's usually very beneath cutaneous fat. I hope that guy has so much money and every weekend he forces tons of prostitutes to deal with that shit.
Starting point is 00:24:27 Look at this erected hair. Dude, these look like squid's mouths. These are crazy. Yeah, it's actual pinky. Yeah. Yeah, it kind of is like a squid's beak. Don't they have beaks down there? They do have little beaks. I think an octopus has a beak, right?
Starting point is 00:24:41 Yeah, and I think a squid has a micropeen. It is a buried penis. That is crazy looking. 87% of men that received surgical, oh I can switch to the picture because it's not showing the penis. Sure. Well not every obese male has the buried, by the way I love that someone who is obese definitely,
Starting point is 00:24:57 oh shit. Oh my. You guys gotta, okay, make a time out for Jason. I got a time stamp for Jason. I got a timestamp for Jason. I love every week when we have to text Jason, like, hey, we said the N word 45 times, or we accidentally showed five micro penis. Hopefully he can blur that out.
Starting point is 00:25:14 All right, on with the show. It says, why not every obese male has the buried penis condition? Type the obese male with a buried penis. It says 87% of them have received surgical treatment for the buried penis were reported to be obese. So it's basically all of them. What is the surgery?
Starting point is 00:25:33 And I've seen thin guys with buried penises before. That's what I, we're talking about the exact same guy that we've both seen in a locker room had a buried penis and like an eight pack. Very sad, very very sad. Yes, we all stared at it. Yeah. Hey everybody, this fall we're done letting stuff
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Starting point is 00:27:57 So yeah, it is a common, but... What is the surgery they can do? Can they make it bigger? Or do they just cut away the skin around the penis to make it seem bigger? The surgery is they shoot you in the head They go this will just take a second and then yeah the bolt gun from no country exactly so there was a president Talked for me to type right now cuz my hands are shaking for some reason there was a US president with a micro penis because my hands are shaking for some reason. There was a US president with a micropenis? There was a president with, I'm sorry, there was a president not with kidney stones,
Starting point is 00:28:29 but with urinary stones. This is the 11th president of the United States, James K. Polk, and from what I read, they went in there with this big device, I forget what it's called, it's a big metal thing that they don't, oh, it's called it looks it's a big metal thing that they don't you oh it's called a Gorgon which a Gorgon is the thing that a shields a night I'm pretty sure right here and it's also the thing on a hummingbird
Starting point is 00:28:53 that's iridescent okay it's a Gorgon so they showed the bird up his penis they shoved a big metal thing that is it looks like a boomerang basically that opened up to like open his penis yeah they shoved it down his penis and they they got the urinary stones out Wait, that was the way it wasn't James K. Polk cuz that says kidney stone. No bladder stone. Yeah, I think it was him anyway It rendered him It rendered him fucking Sterile. Yeah, so they they got the the pain away, but then he couldn't have sex anymore.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I love that. You can't have sex if you're sterile. I thought you just don't make babies. You don't make babies if you're sterile. You still have sex, right? Well, yeah, but like back then, you know, it was probably considered.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Like he was damaged goods, cause he couldn't. None of the ladies, women only had fucked back then to get the seed. To make a kid. Yeah, they viewed their pussy like a garden. And they go, who's the who's the good farmer? Yeah, they're like, I need that. Where's the Johnny Appleseed?
Starting point is 00:29:49 I give me that good. They were down at the tavern. They go, can I get some good go? Give me some of the top shelf. I'll get some of your most expensive goose. I just sticky icky. This sticky is to put in the deeps of my pussy. Yeah, they would look at cum the way you look at the fuzzy stuff on wheat.
Starting point is 00:30:07 What's it called? Flour? The crystals on the wheat. They would shake a little Tomler Full Com and hold it up to the light like it was wine and see how much would stick to the side of the- Fucking dabs. Yeah. Dabs of cum.
Starting point is 00:30:22 But once you get a boomerang shoved up your penis, you can't. And I only found that out because I was I was researching. I was trying to find guys that that have micro penises. And one of the one of the really funny things is this thing from George Washington. He had a wooden penis. That would be actually pretty funny. Thomas He had a wooden penis. That would be actually pretty funny. Thomas Jefferson had a black penis.
Starting point is 00:30:49 That's what he fucks slaves out of necessity. He stole their dick. So I'm gonna search this real quick because I never saw this in the, apparently people were very upset about him crossing the Delaware, you know the famous photo. George Washington. Yeah. People are very upset about him crossing the Delaware. You know, the famous George Washington. Yeah. People are very upset about that lately.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Did you know about that, actually, Devon? No, I didn't. This has been a scandal for a while, actually. Really? Which I didn't realize. So if you look at the you Google, like George Washington, penis and balls. Muskogee County. OK, here we go. Here's from the Austin Chronicle. Okay. Right here.
Starting point is 00:31:30 So in this painting right here, you can see that there's a part of his watch, basically. His watch. I'm gonna zoom in. Right here. Ah, fuck, here we go. You see right here. You see right here beneath his beneath his watch. You see this part right here.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Yeah, that's apparently that's part of his pocket watch, actually. That little like bulge area. And it was they were very, very mad about it. In like the year 2000 it says. And they went through and they claimed it was someone had gone in there and given him a very, very, very tiny penis and balls that were hanging out of his coat. That's in the original painting for some reason. Like it's a Psyop. Were they mad that it was visible or that it was tiny?
Starting point is 00:32:22 I actually don't know. I'm guessing a combination of either but it's been a They are intentionally emasculated in history textbooks because blue noses and bureaucrats are afraid students might imagine George Washington had a penis so like these these teachers went through a textbook and They it says in 1999 the scandalous possibility of Solarm Guy Sims, the superintendent of schools of Muskogee County, Georgia, that he had teacher aid spent two weeks repainting by hand more than 2300
Starting point is 00:32:52 fifth grade textbooks to eliminate the offending detail. I know what it is and I know what it's supposed to be, said Sims, but I also know fifth grade students are and how they might react to it. Yeah, Guy Sims. Like literally painted over a question. Guy Sims, obviously closeted gay man who wanted to look at 2,500 penises for his job. It really, it does, I'll defend them a little bit.
Starting point is 00:33:16 It does look a little bit like a micro penis. It does. You can kind of see it right there. I know. Washington? His dick? I mean, we have no evidence. There it is. There's a small penis on the wall. You can kind of see it right there. Washington? His dick? I mean, we have no evidence.
Starting point is 00:33:26 There it is, there's a small penis on the ball. Oh, it's just the little head sticking out? Yeah, you see the little tiny balls in penis are hanging out. So are we saying he was hard when he was on this travel? Or that it was just poking through the fly. Was it poking, oh, the fly is flying. Then he had a little baby penis
Starting point is 00:33:42 and it was poking through the fly, like a button. That it was dangling Yeah, and this is a this is really cause the ruckus in many school districts, which is very funny. It's annoying It's annoying to find out you know Because I would love to I would have loved been fucked hard by George Washington Love yeah with those big stinky slave near your mouth. I would have been a fucking beautiful time Yeah, he's having to clean the calm out of his like wood dentures, yeah, yeah god beautiful I couldn't find any I thought I could find maybe a president who like we could confirm had a tiny penis
Starting point is 00:34:21 I know Lyndon Johnson had a huge cock everybody talks about that. Yeah, he had a big guy He called this man. He whipped it out. Yeah, he whipped it out all the time. He called his dick jumbo there's a famous story where a reporter was like behind closed doors like why are we in Vietnam still and he pulled his Huge hog out and he goes because of jumbo. That's why and he shook his huge cock What a strange response to that question. That's why he did the Gulf of Tonkin. Yeah. Because he whipped that big, big penis.
Starting point is 00:34:49 I'm starting to think presidents are fucked up, man. Yeah. So apparently Thomas Jefferson had sex with a lot of his slaves, though. Oh, all the time, apparently. Oh, yeah, yeah. He got his slave, Sally Hemings, I think it was. Yep.
Starting point is 00:35:03 A mixed-race woman, his slave. Apparently he had a lot of a children with her Yeah, yeah, no, he had he had black typical black man Dude, you know, it's so funny when he was running When he was running for president they made this like as propaganda against him He was with his good sir. He's a cock and that's his black hen that he's a, and they call it a philosophic cock. Right there. So that was the slave that he was fucking
Starting point is 00:35:31 and it was in the newspaper and shit, like when you find out that like, you know, Matthew, like, who's the wiener, Anthony Wiener was like, banging that kid. And they're saying he has a lack of restraint over his penis. By expressing his sexual relations with an enslaved woman. So she was like his big Mike, essentially.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Essentially, yeah. It was a big scam. I didn't know they had TMZ stuff back in the day. I think if I'm not mistaken, he even had black kids that were still slaves. Yeah, he had kids. He was like, listen, this isn't like a free pass. Like get back to the field. Yeah, yeah, I do own you still.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Listen. You've got to do your chores for the rest of your life. I don't care that you look like Steph Curry. Get back to the field. I don't care about your beautiful angelic eyes and your wonderful three-point shooting skills. I'll show you. Here's a better photo.
Starting point is 00:36:23 That photo wasn't as good. That's what it actually looks like. It's supposed to be part of his watch. That looks a lot better. That does kind of look like a little baby penis. I can kind of see that. Yeah, what do you think about that? I mean.
Starting point is 00:36:33 Zoom in on that, Dick. I'm trying to over here. Yeah, can you zoom in on that? I mean, then it starts to blur. Computer enhanced. Yeah, it looks weird. It looks like small and tiny. Yeah. Even if it is his watch It looks like small and tiny. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Even if it is his watch, you gotta know, people are gonna be like, well, that's a baby dick, obviously, that you gave the president. It is attached to his pocket watch. It's a bit of a red ribbon, and they had no reason to include it. But wasn't that just a painting?
Starting point is 00:36:59 Yeah, it was a painting, yeah. So I think- No, that was on an iPhone. Well, I'm saying, if it was just a painting, yeah. That was on an iPhone. Well I'm saying if it was just a painting, then like, the painter was a fucking asshole. He hated George Washington. He made up a little micro painting. That's what they're saying is that he had a subtle dig
Starting point is 00:37:17 at the president. Yeah, I don't think he actually had a micro dick. I mean come on George, it's fucking. He was 6'4". He's GW. Yeah, he was 6'4", which is huge fact then. That, come on, George. It's fucking he was six for W. Yeah, it was six for which is huge. That'd be a man. I did. Apparently the only people I could really confirm have a micro
Starting point is 00:37:31 penis, usually like jealous ex lovers will a lover scorned of a famous person will go on like do interviews and say like, oh, Jude Law actually has a really tiny like a brawn. They love that. Yeah. Yeah. Eva Braun went on Graham Norton and she was like, pretty small. It's kind of why I don't buy the Hitler micropenis thing. Can I tell you? Because they don't have it on a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Can I tell you? It's the same thing where it's too convenient that Hitler had a fucked up one ball micropenis. Yeah. This kind of sounds like what they tell North Koreans. That Kim Jong Un shot a 47 in a game of golf, 18 holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like what they tell North Koreans. Yeah, Kim Jong-un shot at 47 in a game of golf 18 holes Yeah, I'm not buying it. I bet he had a huge probably had a hog on him. But he had a big fat cock. Yeah on Hitler There's no way he didn't yeah
Starting point is 00:38:18 They were doing that to Trump for a while. Is that you know, remember like the stormy Daniels thing? Yeah, he had a tiny dick Yeah Well, they were selling like it's totally fine to call somebody fat and small dick than that they're loser But I was always like it would be so funny if we figured out he actually had like a fucking the biggest cock That's ever existed. They can't let that out. Yeah, they can't let that get out there She didn't even say you had a small cock by the way She just said his penis head was bigger was bigger than the average Oh, dude, there is actually a super funny one
Starting point is 00:38:45 that I forgot about. What? There's only been, from my records that I was researching this while my child was napping. Sure. And I was sitting in the rocking chair with my computer open in the dark. Yeah, well your kid was screaming in her sleep.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Putting a PASSE back in. Just metaphysically sensing what you were doing for a living, and it was invading her nightmares. There's one guy, you know Daniel Radcliffe, the guy who played Harry Potter? Of course I know him. In the movie Harry Potter?
Starting point is 00:39:14 Yeah. By J.K. Rowling? Yes. The lady who hates trans people? Sure. That's how I know her. I know her. I didn't know about her until I found out
Starting point is 00:39:22 she hates trans people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very fun. He did like some Broadway play or something where he- Equus. Oh, how do you, you know what it is. I know what this is. Do you know this story?
Starting point is 00:39:33 It's a famous play, I don't know the story, but I know he did Equus and he showed his penis during it. Was it tiny? It's like bad, yeah. Oh, really? And people were like, after the play, no one was talking about the quality of the performance They were all just talking about how small people he walks out naked and people start booing
Starting point is 00:39:53 And he tried to qualify he tried to compare it he's like I'm like King David down there or something What does that mean? Well, you know the statue of David. Oh Like he has a tiny penis trying to own his baby penis. Yeah. Yeah. Terrence Howard also apparently has a really small. Terrence Howard. It's on. It's on video. He did it. He did a movie where he shows his bravest man alive because he showed his micro penis and get Richard died trying. Yeah. Like a movie with 50 cent. And it's shocking that 50 cents of this day doesn't every day wake up and bully him
Starting point is 00:40:24 online about his small day I think him his penis is so small that it broke his brain into thinking he's a mathematician Yeah, so he made up fake math to explain why his dick is tiny. I'm gonna type it I found it through famous people with micro penises. Hold on. Okay dot-com Jude law does have a small penis by the way Really? Yeah, really tiny beautiful guy That's a that's a shocker and apparently Brad Pitt's got a really tiny guy down there really damn shame Oh, that's why he beats his family It's because she keeps adopting black kids
Starting point is 00:40:57 Upset he goes and changes the diaper of his leg of his two-year-old black child And he's like god damn it this kid's so much bigger than just whips a whiskey Bottle against the wall by the way. I hate to break it to you Devin But Eminem is a guy with a really tiny cock apparently is that true? Yeah, he's one of your well That's what his lover said that way I mean that's it's calm like you just said they usually say that it's a lover scorn Yeah, lover lover squirrel lover squirrel. Yeah Okay, so right here it says. Daniel Radcliffe right there. Yeah, let me read this real quick.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Apparently not even the likes of Hogwarts Wizard has enough talent to fix a major or minor problem like this. So it may come as a surprise that our favorite Hogwarts star was forced to sadly blame his small penis as shrinkage upon shooting full frontal for Equus Equus data Radcliffe. He turned into Costanza He compared himself to a hamster when his very unhorse like man Had began the subject of chatter after he appeared naked on stage in the play later He compared himself to Michelangelo's David. Okay, so here's what's very funny to me about this
Starting point is 00:42:02 Is that no one ever told them? Yeah, he's been sleeping with Hollywood starlets. He's been having on no one has had that's what fame and money can do Can I tell you can live in a world where you hear he thought his penis? He told he told people all his best friends all the people that he had slept with yes Maybe they do still friends, and he told him for months on end. I'm gonna do this play That's like a nude saying it and it's live, whatever. And they go, no, yeah, no. They're all secretly, they're in a group chat, like dude, this is gonna be epic, the opening day.
Starting point is 00:42:35 A group chat called Harry's Baby Penis. No, I was just thinking, they were probably doing runs, practice reps for the show, and there was a discussion where the producer was like, do we tell him? They pulled the stagehand aside, do we tell him he has a baby penis? They had meetings where he was not present.
Starting point is 00:42:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were probably like, should we tell him to use the fake penis, the big fake penis? The boogie night's penis. We actually, we wanted it in an auction, the boogie night's penis. It's any woman, woman, did you come?
Starting point is 00:43:09 Yeah, yeah. Yes, every woman, yes, his whole life. Yeah, yeah. He had no idea. He hasn't pleased a single woman. His three inch penis was so huge, and the width really stretched me out. Can I tell you something?
Starting point is 00:43:21 Because a lot of people have blind spots with their personality and stuff. Sure. But if you have a micro penis and you drop your underwear women go When they see it right do they well yeah But if your penis is really big women go like they might gasp Yeah, she goes oh my god, he's like I know everyone doing great. Yeah, she goes, oh my god, he's like, I know. Everyone always knows. I know, she's like, I'm gonna have a horrible night. Every woman I've ever shown it to vomits.
Starting point is 00:43:49 Because they can't believe. Yeah, they keep gagging, you guys know, because they're disgusted. They can't believe how great it is. It's unfortunate, it really is. It's very unfortunate. Because they're treated the exact same way. If you're famous and rich having a micropenis,
Starting point is 00:44:02 you're treated the same as a guy who has the wine bottle caught, the griffmaster. I think it's not even a famous and rich having a micropenis, you're treated the same as a guy who has the wine bottle. I think it's not even a famous and rich thing. I think it's like if you're a woman and you tell a guy that he has a small penis, like he might smash your head in with a big alarm clock or something. It's possible. You know, nobody wants to hear that. There's one guy who in an interview just casually was like, yeah, I have a small dick. It was Shia LaBeouf. Really? He was just like, yeah, I'm not, he's like, I'm not working with a lot down there. That's why he's the greatest actor of all time. Which now I know a small dick is actually a micro penis,
Starting point is 00:44:32 and I'm going to start using it a little bit more casually to describe guys with small dicks. Yeah, I didn't know three inches was a micro. That's insane. Dude, three and a half stretched out. Yeah, because we have seen, literally we talked about before, I've seen a- You've never seen a micro penis, you've seen a hidden.'ve never seen a micropenis, you've seen a hidden.
Starting point is 00:44:47 I've seen a hidden penis, I thought that was the micro. I've seen somebody the size of my pinky nail was their penis. You know what it is, dude? It's the same as like, we call a guy like a statutory rapist if he like, if he like a message like an underage girl. It's like, it's not fair to call guys with three and a half
Starting point is 00:45:07 for his micro penises. I would never make that mistake. I know the law to the letter. Isn't that the rule they go, oh, you're a statutory rapist, even if you didn't rape, right? Isn't that term still used? I think it's like, isn't that mean underage?
Starting point is 00:45:20 What is statutory? I'm not really sure. I think statutory is like, you fuck the 17 year old. I'm gonna pretend to not know. They were totally. Statutory. Like I can't I'm not sure is like you fuck the 17 year old pretend to not know they were totally statutory even I think it means like you fuck the 17 year olds in a state where it's 18 but they were like totally into it yeah but you're not a rapist but you it was consensual but because she can't she's a kid still because of the straconian laws sorry pedophilia or something but that's what I'm saying so that's it's an micaconian laws or a pedophilia or something. But that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:45:45 So that's it's a micro penis is an unfair term with guys rocking three and also known as this nation of India. Yeah, like the whole nation, apparently they have micro. No, that's a real that's a real thing is condom companies. I think we talked about this in the show. Condom companies didn't know why we brought it up seven times. They were going where and we will say we will continue to bring it up. We're being paid by the
Starting point is 00:46:05 government to talk about it. Like the way Temple's being paid by Russia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is actually my Haitians eating cats is Indian guys being too small for condom companies. Yeah. Yeah. But no, that was the thing is they had to start making special India small condoms for India. Every. I've talked to a couple of buddies, by the the way who know Haitians and like yeah, they eat cats Yeah, it's not a big do that. Yeah, they eat cats good for them in other countries. They dogs and shit. Sure Spirits Are they eating the cats in the in Springfield is that happening? Yeah, dude, I think they have like the I think they do like Is that happening? Yeah dude, I think they have like the,
Starting point is 00:46:42 I think they do like a, they are a little bit. They're doing like, That kind of rolls. I bet my life on it actually. Jase, can I say something? That kind of rolls, yeah. I imagine it kind of like King of the Hill where they're all like standing around like Boom Howard
Starting point is 00:46:54 and Hank and everybody and they have that little classic American girl. Right. Oh and then you put a life vest on it. Yeah and it's going, Raaah! And they go banging. Yeah and they go, ooh.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Bingo nango man. Yeah, yeah. They talk like Boom Hauer if they're from Haiti. Boom Hauer's just going. Boom Hauer is Asian. Yeah, Boom Hauer's going, I'll tell you what. I think you're gonna say they're standing in the alley and they're all holding a cat with its head ripped off,
Starting point is 00:47:20 just drinking out of it. I mean, I've seen a lot of videos lately of. Yeah? I've chose to believe it. I don't know, it might not be in Springfield But it's a fucking it's like an African seeming black guy. I saw the grills the cats upside down The grill looks like cats. Yeah, they're cats They're eating cats we probably can't show it because we probably can't show can you know
Starting point is 00:47:42 But I mean it kind of makes sense like hey like, they're kind of like the gay, sassy animal. Haitians probably hate gay people. And they do. They do do that. They eat the gay animal. I'd be more likely to believe they're eating gay people. There's a voodoo spirit in this sassy bitch, in this pussy cat.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Here you go. I'll pull it up here, Jace. All right. This is on the Alliance review. Yeah, I'm gonna pull it up here, Jace. All right. This is on the Alliance review. Yeah, I'm watching it on Axe. Okay. Yeah, this is what I saw today. This is in Dayton a year ago.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Oh, we can probably show this. This was in Dayton, Ohio a year ago. Yo! What is this they got on the grill? Is that, did they kill some cats? Man, let's see, man. There They go cat right there They're letting that cat graze they're like get fatter. It's open That's yeah, anyway pasteurized cat, yeah
Starting point is 00:48:39 But I don't I mean listen, I don't give a fuck let him let him eat cats I hate cats I Truly hate cats. Yeah, yeah, I kind of I also kind of don't really I mean listen, I don't give a fuck. Let them eat cats, I hate cats. I truly hate cats. Yeah, I also kinda don't really give a shit at all. I don't care, I mean it is gross and they should be. I do hate that they're in our country. No, it's disgusting and they should be kicked out of our country, but for different reasons, not because they eat cats,
Starting point is 00:48:57 because of the color of their skin. Their skin is gross and they're ruining our genetics. Thank you, Devon. YouTube, just kidding. YouTube, Google. Can we get to the real problem at hand here? Right, that's Tim Walz going like, they're not eating the cats, they're ruining America.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Let's get serious folks. Oh, isn't he a progressive? I mean, I'm sure. You mean JD Vance. Sorry, JD Vance, sorry sorry yeah you know the left and the right it's all the same. He wants to make the Gants trans. I'll tell you that. I call JD Vance an ED Vance. Oh okay his dick doesn't work. Yeah. Erectile dysfunction Vance. That's what I call him. Very good, man. So I can really give it to him. You got him, buddy. Got his ass. You got his ass.
Starting point is 00:49:46 I like it. Well, the election's around the corner. It's just around the corner. And there's so much fodder for comedians who suck ass. There's so much. And thank God they're going to get to surf right through to the election. Give it up for the comedians who can surf,
Starting point is 00:49:59 that can read the news and then kind of do this. People got the next four months of their podcast ready to go. And think of all the clips, the stand up rills, people. Oh, yeah. Oh, the fodder. I can't wait to see. Imagine the fodder. I can't wait to see a black moron talk about how Trump is an N word. What a comedian, a comedian. See, they did what they did in 2016 and we'll see it again.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Exactly. I saw the first black president. Apparently, no one's ever seen that tape before. He's been shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the streets. Exactly. Yeah, very good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:31 Which is actually just the black guy being like, yeah, our people, we fucking suck. And let me add to the racism. No, we've created a hell of our own making. It's our fault. I saw a Sarah Cooper video on the timeline the other day. Oh, well she should be destroyed. Yeah, no, she should be suicide bombed. Dude, I don't even know if people know who that is anymore, thank Christ.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Yeah. They've lost so hard. You might be right about that. It got a lot of likes. It had like 40k likes or something like that. Yeah, but she doesn't pop up on X because X is now being run by Adolf Hitler. That's true. Or something. That's true.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Elon Hitler I call him. That's right. No, not him, but it is every, I saw Harry Sisson, he tweeted something about, Who's that guy? He's the little fag that promotes Joe Biden, he's like a big Democratic party. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy.
Starting point is 00:51:21 The young twink. Baudin paid, yeah. And he retweeted the Trump saying I hate Taylor Swift, which was hilarious, but maybe a bad look. And he goes, look at this, I mean it's just unbelievable. Like he's a blah blah blah. And then some guy in the comments ratioed him, but the thing he said was like, you're gonna fucking one day get raped
Starting point is 00:51:43 by a Haitian pack of N-words. And he beat him, and everyone's like, yo, like, boom! Got his ass! Boom! Yeah, it's like seeing a black guy in the 60s get hit with a fire hydrant, you go, ratio! It's just crazy. I think I finally, because I've been so,
Starting point is 00:52:02 I think I'm a very confused young man, even though I'm 32 years old. I'm a young boy yeah I mean I'm getting my diet clean I'm getting on the straight and narrow the the cloud the black cloud is retreating but at the same time you know I don't really know what I believe I'm I don't know this water that water no one could tell what I actually think. But I think I found a new rule, and it's that I believe in something if it's funny to me for it to be true. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:34 If it makes people mad, then I believe in it. So I heard the Haitian cat thing, and I'm like, well, it's funnier. It is very funny. To think that they're frying up cats like they're a hamster. And it is very funny that liberals have frying up cats like they're hamsters. And it is very funny that liberals have to be like, they're not.
Starting point is 00:52:48 And there's clear video of that. They're like, they are, that cat is a burial. I gotta say real quick, by the way, that video you played with the cats at the barbecue, that was the most civilized thing I've seen coming out of the discourse. The rest of it has been them ripping their heads off, skinning their bodies. Oh, you've seen videos of that?
Starting point is 00:53:08 Yeah, there's tons. I mean, I don't know if it's in Springfield, but we're now seeing there's a common thread between Haitians and cats. And they fucking, they put them on crosses. There was a cat on a cross. Really? Well, that's sacrilegious.
Starting point is 00:53:20 You might be AI, but I'm gonna run with it. I don't care. Misinformation, I'm sick of fact checkers. You see the minion on the cross, you go, my god. Oh my god. What are they doing in Haiti? They're killing the minions. They're eating the minions.
Starting point is 00:53:32 They're killing and eating minions, folks. No, man, I've seen a bunch of videos that can't be doctored so far, and I don't know, it's probably not in Springfield, but it's black dudes killing a cat. Sure. Hey, mate. If they're not Haitianian is it racist to have a problem with it like what if we just find out It's just it's it's Tyrone from like from West Philly. Yeah, and he's just like yeah, I'm fucking
Starting point is 00:53:54 I love pussy so much. I fucking I killed a pussy. Yeah, it's actually it's the only pussy black guys eat is cat I don't know, but you can't you don't know. Where there's smoke, there's fire. Can I tell you, in our real life, we've seen a black guy kill a cat when we were kids. Really? Yeah, I don't remember it, I've blocked it out. I don't think you remember it either. You were younger than me, of course.
Starting point is 00:54:15 But yeah, we were at a baseball game with my dad's basketball team. My dad coached only black teams the first 10 years of our lives. And there was a guy about my size center and one of the kids' cats walked over to him and he picked the cat up and he popped its head off in front of everybody.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Everybody started like screaming and running around. Why'd he do it? What happened to him after? Well, he was just, he wanted to eat it. It was tasty. He goes, in the future, this will be politicized. This is an act of protest. You better get at him while you can.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Get him while you can. The woke left is going to shut this shit down. There was another black guy being like, cat, got your cat here. It would be funny to find out, like in Haiti, their favorite cartoon is Garfield. It's the only comic strip they get. So they think they're filled with lasagna.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Beautiful, rich, cheesy lasagna. In America, the cats are paved with cheese. Beautiful lasagna. They're lazy, they got a lot of fat on their bones. They think that's like foie gras to them, just to force feed a cat lasagna and then make it. I wonder if Jim Davis is upset about all of this, by the way. I think Jim Davis is secretly really into it.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Actually, is he dead? I don't think so. Who's Jim Davis? The creator of Garfield, Dev think so the creator of Garfield they created the creative Garfield. You know nothing Garfield We thought you never read the Sunday Funnies. No. All right, that's well you would have saw a picture of your face You read the cartoons I look forward to it every it was one of the few things of entertainment we had Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I forgot family circus and going like that Billy I forgot you guys grew up in West Texas, Haiti. Yeah Dude, this is so funny. I forget that there's a reddit for everything. There's a reddit for Garfield and they're like
Starting point is 00:55:56 Why does Jim Davis get hate right in the top top comment? Shut the fuck up? Here's your VPN your home address I'm gonna murder you I'm coming your IP right now bitch yeah it's so funny yeah geez is he still alive Jim Davis yes yes 79 thank God he's still around that born on the same day Hitler killed himself isn't that interesting wow maybe could be yeah maybe he did kill him July 28th, 1945. I think it's around that time. When did Hitler kill himself like a dog? Someone tweeted at me they go you're a what you're a fucking lib cuck if you know Hitler actually committed suicide Oh, yeah, I got plenty of those. Yeah. Oh, how did he die April 30th, 1945? Dan close days after his birthday? I know isn't that sad
Starting point is 00:56:46 Yeah Hmm 56. He was just a kid a fucking kid. Yeah, he had his whole life ahead of him Yeah, just a kid think about it if he had 80 years how many Jews he could have killed Yeah, and still not have been the chief villain of World War two just a kid his headstone said peeps when he went by Pepparelli. This is a shame. Oh yeah, well I'm sure he killed a cat or two. Oh. So he was a dog lover.
Starting point is 00:57:16 I forgot to include in that episode, and by the way, people were wrong about us being, people were upset, some people were upset about us being like not knowing everything About World War two and being like Dan Carlin or whatever Yeah, but I I did a live stream on the limit party clips channel where Aaron Gwyn called in at American Gwyn and He he confirmed pretty much everything we said and he but he had dates and you know I'm actually read a bunch of books about World War II. Right, well I don't care anymore. I'm over it.
Starting point is 00:57:47 Oh, I don't care either, but I forgot. Hitler was the good guy. I forgot, Devin, we're waiting until you hear this. Of World War II. Apparently he made all of his dogs take cyanide tablets as well before, so he made Eva Braun take one, then she shot herself, and then he made all of his dogs take the cyanide too,
Starting point is 00:58:03 and then he took it. Why would she take cyanide and then shoot herself? No, I think she just took cyanide and he shot himself. Let me see, did Eva Braun... What a bizarre suicide. You take cyanide and shoot yourself in the head? Well, maybe she was already dead and he was like, Oh, why not? And he just shot her in the head one time. He's like, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Yeah, Hitler had shot himself in the right temple with a pistol, and Braun had bitten into a... Into a cyanide capsule, yeah. So she was buried with him. That's an interesting thing, by the way, is that the king is often buried with a virgin or they're buried with a woman who's still alive. That's an ancient thing that tribes would do.
Starting point is 00:58:40 They were literally worried you'd go to the afterlife without good pussy. I think that's kind of the idea. Yeah Yeah, but also all the ancient people are were cannibals who were demonic Satanic From God who are eating cats. Yeah, you're talking about Haitians in 1985 talking about people eating children and like crazy shit. Mm-hmm He was burned though They burned the bodies because they knew the allies were going to find him and piss on it and fuck his mouth and shit.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Why do they always have respect for the worst guy on earth? Why did we help Osama and give him what he wanted? He should have been like Jesse James and you could have paid a quarter to go see him. Yeah, we should have treated him like all the fucking email games that my grandfather used to send me where you could just shoot him in the head over and over. Live jib jab.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Yeah, they should have held him up in Times Square and we could just do whatever we want to him. It's E-Bomb's world, but you can pay 40 bucks for a livestream with a remote control gun in Osama's body. He should have been hanging from Times Square and the naked cowboy is just shitting in his face and just different kids are just throwing eggs
Starting point is 00:59:44 at his dead body. Why do we have respect for the worst people on earth? I know. Well, I think they said they were worried it would cause another terrorist attack was their reasoning, right? Oh, who we? Who, Bin Laden?
Starting point is 00:59:55 Yeah, then we'll kill that guy. Well, we'll kill that guy. Good! We'll fucking annihilate him. We'll shove forks up his ass like Gaddafi. It would honestly be good for the country. It was one of the best things ever when we got to kill Bin Laden.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Yeah. It was like American excellence. And he had been dead for years. That's true as well. Benazir Boutho said that she went to his funeral like years before that. Oh really? And then she was killed like the day after saying that.
Starting point is 01:00:19 So, interesting. Anyway, I don't care, I'm on to cats. I think there's that guy. The blacks are eating cats. That guy Seymour Hirsch did an amazing work on Bin Laden and everything. Did he? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:34 I'm sick of people that get really embarrassed. Wait, what guy? Seymour Hirsch, he was a journalist, he was really good. And he blew the whole thing wide open about all the research he did on it. Okay. With Bin Laden. That we didn't actually kill him is what he said? Oh no, no, no, I think, here, I'll look it up real quick the whole thing wide open about all the research you did on it with Ben Lawnen. That we didn't actually kill him is what he said?
Starting point is 01:00:46 Oh no, no, no, I think, here, I'll look it up real quick just so I don't get it wrong, because I mean, unfortunately I kind of forgot everything he said. I did love after the World War II episode, by the way, real quick, the amount of people who have heard us say fag into a microphone 5,000 times calling us lib cucks. Lib, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, fag and retard are reddit words now. Yeah, here's the London review. So he wrote a book called The Killing of Osama bin Lan by Seymour Hirsch. I believe we... Let me see here. He went on... Here we go. I'm gonna go to YouTube, because I think he went on CNN or something, and they called him like a retard, and then later it was like found out he was like completely random.
Starting point is 01:01:30 I guarantee they just fucking, they fucking invaded a 7-Eleven, and they shot the clerk, and then they said it was Osama Bin Laden. Yeah, it was like 5-8. He was, he'd been dead for years. I don't buy that we killed Osama Bin Laden. Here we go, here's the man himself.
Starting point is 01:01:44 I mean, why should I shittily tell you what's going on going on killed Osama bin Laden in a raid on his hideout? Oh, yeah, he's I like Aaron Maté for the most part my direction the United States launched a targeted operation Against that compound in a bad a bud right go eat your cat Okay. Back to Springfield, Ohio for you! Tell your baaaba! Seaman Hirsch, welcome to the Vox Perk Now. You cat-eating son of a bitch! Why don't you, in your own words, describe what it is that you found? Well, you guys did a pretty good job. Basically, you covered the tracks.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Basically, I think you could say simply that the president, as he said on television when he announced the raid, the The rest of it is sort of who we can we talk about just said Pakistan who is a great word love 2006 and the US not finding out until 2010 when you alleged I believe we always knew he wasn't a bottom US and meanwhile Saudi Arabia Backing and paying for bin Laden's imprisonment this seems very improbable involving hundreds thousands of officials in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia and then the U.S. Where do you get the notion of hundreds of thousands of officials? We're talking about a closed society. The White House has a lot of control over the information.
Starting point is 01:03:18 The senior Pakistani officials have control over the information. We are talking about a country that went a dozen or 10 years ago to a w m d sort of cover-up uh... the notion that there's some major conspiracy of alleging is just sort of that's over the top there's no major conspiracy here it's very easy to control news we also that when the whole thing about the good side was saying in the alleged nuclear weapons i i i should think that the model uh... for why you might just not be so
Starting point is 01:03:45 skeptical. Every time I see a guy trying to still care about anything and be the truth it's like just it's like what's the point yeah just hit the yard house and have a beer just just let them take over. It's a drop a spit in the ocean. Nothing you'll be will no one will ever make any impact on anything happening whatsoever. No, everything will get progressively worse every single day of our lives. We don't have a chance. In hell. We don't have a snowball's chance in hell
Starting point is 01:04:13 at getting to the bottom of a single fucking thing. We all found out. I mean, we still don't have. We all made jokes about a guy, oh, I bet they have a secret pedophile ring, and I bet there's like a fuck, I bet they have an island. And then people used to look at you like you're crazy if you brought up Jeffrey Epstein they didn't even say he was like a real person then that happens
Starting point is 01:04:29 that's then that's like you know fucking mainstream news it's like a joke there's no we say we could find out everything we think is that is crazy is real and nothing happens the next I guarantee you if my conspiracy theorists I always go to if it's if it's being talked about in a debate or on the news, it's something they have no problem with you talking about. Yeah. Like the fact that we have like, I think at the debates they talked about healthcare
Starting point is 01:04:53 for five seconds or like military spending for five seconds, we're just screaming about trans surgeries and Haitians eating cats. Illegal immigrants getting tits. That's it. In prison. Yeah, yeah, we're not talking about the fact that you know Nobody like people just walking around with gallstones in their neck. No can't breathe just dying
Starting point is 01:05:11 defeatism 2024 yeah Hell 2024 so for everybody's already commented that I fucking know nothing and I've been wrong here you go right here The truth her says is that Pakistani intelligence services capture bin Laden in 06 and kept him locked up with support from Saudi Arabia Using him as leverage against al-qaeda in 2010 Pakistan agreed to sell bin Laden to the US for increased military aid and a freer hand in Afghanistan Rather than kill him or hand him over discreetly Hirsh says the Pakistanis insisted on staging an elaborate American raid with Pakistani support See the whole thing was staged. So according to Hirsh's story Navy SEALs met no resistant at Abbottabad and were escorted by a Pakistani
Starting point is 01:05:51 intelligence officer to Bin Laden's bedroom where they killed him. Bin Laden's body was torn apart with rifle fire and pieces of the corpse tossed out over the Hindu Kush mountains by Navy SEALs during the flight home and it says no reason has been given for this act Yeah, the Pakistanis wanted to take back their 7-eleven. Yeah I do love the idea of the Navy SEALs just going like buck wild and being like I we accidentally threw Ben Watt in in the garbage Sorry, it also says so remember when I brought up that he had like Tom and Jerry and shit In his hard drive is on his hard drive. He's watching cartoons It says the treasure trove of intelligence secured from bin Laden's compound her shads was manufactured to provide evidence after the fact Maybe they even threw like some animaniacs episodes in there Like he loved the powerpuff girls documentaries about dolphins and stuff cow and chicken he was watching
Starting point is 01:06:43 Yeah, I don't know what he actually, I know he was watching Tom and Jerry, which is very funny to me, because he's like, it's a metaphor for us versus the Jews. He goes, the mouse is haram and the cat is evil, the Jew of America. Yeah, so I was right initially. We knew the whole time, and then we acted like we finally got tipped off.
Starting point is 01:07:01 We went in there. We caught him with his pants. The whole thing was a staged orchestrated thing. Obviously the mainstream narrative says Seymour Horst is like a crackpot retard. So he knew he was there, but we didn't want to go with war to war with Pakistan, so we had to make a secret deal is what he's saying.
Starting point is 01:07:18 I mean, I read it, and they can go back and listen to what I said. Sure. He was being held there in Abbottabad, and we knew it for a I said. Sure. He was being held by held there in a bad a bad. And we knew it for a long time. Right. So yeah, that guy already that guy already uncovered that. But that's also why a lot of Navy SEALs, they all have
Starting point is 01:07:35 stories about how they were the one that supposedly killed us. Oh, yeah. Their head is exploded in another rain. You can wander through Newport Beach and just any guy you stumble upon says that he killed been London Anyone in a bar drinking a fucking seven percent fucking beer at a micro brewer a ballast, but yeah a sculpin IPA
Starting point is 01:07:57 Great beer these guys these guys all killed in London. They all did they all did and thank God they all and then they immediately Pivot man they start yelling about like masks and you're like is that even a thing? They go, I don't think you killed bin Laden. Nobody's worn a mask in two years. They're like, ah fucking trans, damn it. So one of the last things I wanted to get to on this show is Devin we actually have a brother in Christ. We have an ally on our side. Ad we, who is that? Adolf Hitler? We are standing strong with not tipping the people
Starting point is 01:08:30 on the iPads anymore. We're not adding the 20, 25% anymore. Yeah, yeah. That's a hard line. For meaningless shit. That's a hard line stance. For waiters, of course. You stopped doing this way before.
Starting point is 01:08:39 If you turn around and you pour coffee from a thing and then hand it to me, I'm not, I don't. Well, by the way, in LA, the coffee's 8.50. And then you expect me to tip two bucks for a drip coffee that he ends. That sucks, that tastes like piss. And they also treat you like shit. You wait at the counter for like five minutes,
Starting point is 01:08:57 waiting for them to acknowledge your existence. So there is a man that I love so much. His name is Zero Dollars Tip. And he's trying to start a revolution here. I'm gonna show you this. Hold on. Wait, hold on, let me start this over. Oh, I know that creation that's in, yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:21 I go, I'm there all the time. That one. So this is how much money I made in a week. I go, I'm there all the time. That one. So he goes, this is how much money I made and is leaving zero dollars in tips in LA. Okay. He keeps going in and he has tips. He keeps doing tips. I made 152 dollars and 90 cents.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Let me know what you're next to leave zero dollars. He has a Prada wallet. Well that's great, I've never written no tip Let me know what you're next to leave, sir. He has a Prada wallet. Well, that's great. I've never written no tip on an actual printed receipt. But the IMAG thing. No, you know what? I don't have the balls to write no tip.
Starting point is 01:09:55 I just skip it and write the final price and then sign that. Yeah, yeah. But I don't write a big fat zero on the tip. There's one that made me laugh so hard because he just walks in this coffee shop and Let me see if I can find it. I love I love filming 20 no tips Stitching to get the amount of work you're doing. Yeah, not to make this video of you not tipping is so funny Yeah, it's it's so funny. God. He does this every day. It's it all the time. Yeah
Starting point is 01:10:23 $2 tips in Los Angeles today. I went to the party at the hynny room in West Hollywood friendly bartenders great choice of drinks And one more time An amazing night Okay, let's see how the payment system works here. This is a part because I'm at the front. Yeah. Great service. Prime prices, of course. And this is my food. Fresh oysters. This buyer loves raw.
Starting point is 01:11:17 It's overpriced. That triage bun sells it. Let me know where should I love that. He always has the picture of the product. I know the product that he got to know picture of the Prada wall. That he got two no-tip in front of him. This is great. Yeah, there's one of him walking in a coffee shop and he's filming the bartender while
Starting point is 01:11:32 he's doing it. He's not doing it in the way that we said to do it. I mean, he's actually not tipping like waiters. No, he's a piece of shit. It's so funny though. Yeah, it's really funny. Yeah, they're mad, obviously. really funny. Yeah, they're they're mad obviously Day 10. Oh, here we go. This may be
Starting point is 01:11:54 Great outside area. I made this people disappear located in front down. It has a great view at the river I love their choice of drop blood. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's that Highland Park Bloody was whole milk which tasted pretty good with this dude. I love every comment stop doing this. That would be so great if in the middle of doing that video he gets shot by an agentrification killing. Do some Cholo's pull up and they're like you're ruining the hood. We heard you were not contributing to tip culture. Every single comment is mad at him. Yeah they're so mad dude.
Starting point is 01:12:23 Oh I know that place. This place right here? The coffee shop you just showed. God, every single comment is mad at him. Yeah, they're so mad, dude. It's so funny. Oh, I know that place. Wait, which place? This place right here? The coffee shop you just showed. Right here? Yeah, that place. It's in the arts district.
Starting point is 01:12:31 It sucks ass, and they actually don't deserve a dime. Oh, this is the video. So he's filming the baristas? Yeah, I've been there. I went there on their opening day with Connor. It's horrible. Look at this hidden video at the back. Of course, I love zero-dollar sticks.
Starting point is 01:12:42 Of course. Wait, wait, why is he at, is he a woman? No, he's doing it with his girlfriend. They're waving in the video after he leaves. They go, thanks! Yeah, that place sucks. The coffee's sour and all the people are, they suck ass.
Starting point is 01:12:57 They all suck my ass. Oh, Bread Lounge, I used to work there. Right here? Yeah, I used to work at this place. Really? It is the best bakery. This is the bread place you worked at? Yeah, I worked there. I used to. Really? It is the best bakery. This is the red place you worked at? Yeah, I worked there.
Starting point is 01:13:05 I used to hang out there in the back at night. I delivered bread to them all throughout the night. $3 six options. Of course, I left $0. And it is run by an Israeli guy, so fuck him. Yeah, so he's actually a morally good guy. God, I love this guy. I just, I'm reading every comment.
Starting point is 01:13:23 They're so furious at him. They're so mad, dude. I Love blasting 21 Savage. Do you not tipping not tipping at all? I Mean Erawan, why would you tip at Erawan? I've been to bike shed man He only goes to the like the downtown LA. Yeah, you mean you'll probably run into very well I will one day and I will become great friends. He'll be fourth Mike on the show I will one day and I will become great friends. He'll be fourth Mike on the show Maru that's I've known Maru Maru so hard I don't care. It's what I love. And then he feels, he feels the rhythm. This is my iced latte, which tasted pretty good. And of course, not there.
Starting point is 01:14:08 It's so funny that he loves every place, too. Yeah, he loves it. He goes, and excellent food. Excellent, knocked it out of the park. And of course, not there. Anyway, here's a video of them handing me my coffee. You know what's funny? When I'm traveling, by the way,
Starting point is 01:14:23 if I'm driving through a town and I stop at a coffee shop where it's like the coffee is a normal price, I'll be like, oh fuck, and I'll leave like a couple dollars. Yeah, cause you're used to spending 8.50 on a shitty coffee. That's, but just out of spite, I mean I'm not gonna. No, no, no, no. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:14:40 But I think I've talked about not tipping so much now, my algorithm's like, this is what you want. Yeah, yeah. You just want videos of people not tip. Oh, yeah. We knew that your piece of shit. Well, it's fucking weird. The people at Chipotle do more work than the people at the coffee shop. They should be getting it. No one's ever no one ever thinks the tip the Chipotle.
Starting point is 01:14:57 We went to that halal place and we asked them if we could tip them. And they remember they said, yeah, they're like, no, we can't. And they hooked us up. But it's these it's these types of places these like hipster like go fun. Go fun me type coffee shops. They like yeah they they sometimes do the tip will start at 30 percent sometimes. And I'm getting I'm getting tipped on health insurance now in L.A.
Starting point is 01:15:20 where there's a there's a percentage to pay for people's health care. And it already has a tip ingrained for them that you didn't know about. A lot of them will set it up, I've seen a lot where they set it up with the highest tip first. So if you're just clicking through and you're trying to hit like 10%, it's 30.
Starting point is 01:15:35 It's 30. Yeah, exactly. And we've gone to multiple places where it's already in the bill. It says like quality of life. Yeah, quality of life built in. You're like, what? And then they life. Yeah, quality of life built in. And then you, they go, you can be a real cocksucker and announce out loud that you don't want this on your bill to the person.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Like who the fuck's going to do that? I'll do that. I mean, I will if I'm in like a bad mood, I'll do that. Just let me tip. Actually. It's, and can I say for a very long time, I would always panic and hit 20, 25. So I've So I've done it enough times now that I'm good. Yeah, I think. Even Starbucks, the Starbucks drive-thru, they always go, it's gonna ask you a question. Like it's like asking me my mother's maiden name.
Starting point is 01:16:15 No, you're asking me for a fucking tip. What street did you grow up on? Yeah, no, and I go, will it? And I always act like you can't tell which finger, is it pressing what. So I always- Oh, you come in. I always, it kinda looks like this. I is it pressing what so I always you come in I always I put all four fingers down so it looks like I'm pressing it could be anything like you're throwing a slider I'm pressing 20, but the pinky the pinky always hits the tip and I go thanks
Starting point is 01:16:35 Devin's funneling his tip finger like a great pitcher I just waited in this fucking drive-through line for 20 minutes because the fat Mexican family in front of me had to get their fucking milkshakes My favorite 20 minutes because the fat Mexican family in front of me had to get their fucking milkshakes My favorite is my always a fat Mexican You see all the drinks they're getting and there's just that caramel shit rolling down the sides of the cup Yeah, you know they're you know they're they're handing them the drinks and they're just pouring them over their body as they grab them Now my favorite is the big screen that that flips around on the little hinge and snaps in the place when they have to go It's gonna ask you a question and then you hit zero and turn it back
Starting point is 01:17:10 I don't know my thing I panic I go I go notes I always go no tip and then I go no we're saying I get I want to get to the point where says no We're seeing I put no receipt and then it goes like blank. Okay. I hope they can't see. Yeah. Yeah I kind of hope they do I think they can see on the other side Yeah, they say well that's because the final amount That's like running a changing room, and you could see everyone changing mm-hmm That it makes you're not a point what happened to get so right they're not supposed They do this thing now when you even go to a restaurant where you definitely are supposed to tip
Starting point is 01:17:37 They stand with with the electronic like if you pay electronically the guy just stands there watching you mm-hmm It's there's no decorum like that's not a lot. You're not supposed to do that They'll stand aggressive. Yeah close to you or it's like that's like watching the guy at the ATM put his pin in Like fuck off. I'm gonna tip you but you don't stand here and just stare at me Europeans stand with you by the way, the EU stands behind you. Yeah, and by the way, I just found out recently They hate when Americans, people ask them where they went on vacation and they said Europe. It drives Europeans nuts.
Starting point is 01:18:11 Because you're supposed to say where you went. Okay, well also their countries are crumbling and they pretend that we suck, so fuck them. You're all one big amalgamation of weird languages that nobody gives a shit. Our countries, America is much better than all but five of your stupid fucking countries. We don't care Europe, we're there for your coast.
Starting point is 01:18:26 Thanks for the beach, shitheads. Enjoy getting beheaded with a big knife. Yeah, people, yeah, cause they are, they got guys with, they got like Darth Maul Muslims over there. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they have guys with horns. Double-headed swords.
Starting point is 01:18:41 Double swords. We just have like, black, we just have brothers eating cats. And then we also, but we also have the decency of our politicians being like, you should go out in the street and kill these people. Angela Merkel in Germany is just like, no, the 2,000 people didn't rape a thousand women. Apparently she's not the lady over there anymore.
Starting point is 01:18:57 Oh, she's not. Well, whatever. I didn't know that because my sister-in-law is from Germany and she told, I forget who the fuck is over there now. Whatever. It's just some retard hitlery bitch they have now. Yeah, but anyway it's a Sorry, unfortunately folks the way it works when you go to Europe
Starting point is 01:19:15 You're it's fucking small and you get on a train and you're going from place to place much Like we do states and our states are more diverse than. If I can go from a country to another country, like I'm going from here to Vegas, you kinda suck shit. If you're, yeah. Okay, like, we're so much better than you. If you're bragging that your country is well run and it's the size of Dallas, it's like, yeah, I fucking hope.
Starting point is 01:19:39 We get it, you have way more beautiful cities, there's more history, blah, blah, blah. You have a better culture. Better culture. Happier people. But at the end of the day, healthier. Do you have? We're cities, there's more history. Yeah, better. You have a better culture. Better culture. Happier people. But at the end of the day, healthier. Do you have? We're bigger and that's better.
Starting point is 01:19:49 And that matters more. And we have KFCs and Taco Bells. Yeah. At the same time, you don't have that. And they're always talking about us. And all I gotta say about that is jealousy is a disease. And they come here. Get well soon, bitch.
Starting point is 01:20:00 They come here. Get well soon. Hey, we don't fucking need our artists and people that make it big to make it there. They're, they could be. They gotta come here. We don't need Toby Keith to have a big German market. Nobody gives a shit.
Starting point is 01:20:15 You really don't dictate anything, actually. In fact, the Rolling Stones and the Beatles came to America. They all lived in New York. Because they wanted to be rich. Yeah, and by the way, occasionally they'll have like Ireland. Garth Brooks is the biggest thing in the world there. And it's kind of sad because they'll come once every 20 years and they go insane. And it's sad. It's sad that you need that.
Starting point is 01:20:34 It is sad. I saw Taylor Swift was somewhere in like Austria or Germany or some shit like that. And like people like 80,000 people in the hills, they couldn't get in like robe. Did you see they're outside the stadium, like up into the mountains watching with Benoit? It's very desperate. Oh, you're gonna go see what fucking, what's that guy's name, Robbie Williams? Do techno music?
Starting point is 01:20:55 Fuck off. That Oasis tour is never happening, eat shit. He also cares about the, they're just gonna do the karaoke of their own songs. Yeah, they do have like three songs, I gotta say. Oasis is amazing, I love Oasis. But they actually only have like four songs they care about. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:21:11 Those three to four songs are great, but like, who cares? And they're fucking Beatles, you know, they wanna be Beatles. Yeah. I like that Liam Gallagher guy, the angry one. He's fun. He's like racist as shit. He's funny. He's awesome. He's always fucking as shit. He's funny. He's always fucking pissed off.
Starting point is 01:21:27 Yeah, yeah. I saw it on Twitter. And he has this ego where he thinks he's better than the Beatles or some shit. Yeah, he does. But he'll also. He's such a shit talker. He'll also, funny, I saw it's old-time interaction
Starting point is 01:21:38 where they're like, can't believe you're not playing Scotland. He goes, I never fucking said I'd play Scotland and they linked an article of him saying he played Scotland. He goes, all right, Matt, you got me there. It's the power of Wonderwall. Yeah. And Don't Look Back in Anger.
Starting point is 01:21:53 They made two songs that are just- Champion Supernova. And Champion Supernova, they're just amazing. Yep. Sometimes that- Yeah, Don't Look Back in Anger is great. That's a fantastic song. And the beginning is stolen from Imagine.
Starting point is 01:22:03 Yep. Have you seen this one of him making tea? Yeah, it's good for the voice. It makes me laugh so hard. It's fucking good, man. Oh, in the 90s, I got someone else to fucking do it without. I can't fucking, money is tight, too tight to mention. Got to do it yourself, ain't ya?
Starting point is 01:22:18 All my records these days. In the 90s, I had about four people doing it. Little geezer doing a kettle. Our kid. Some other little **** doing that. Some other little fucking idiot doing that. He is great. The night is about four people doing it look he's doing a kettle our kid These days you know, I mean cuz these fucking smartasses download fucking shoes finish he's like if he's like if a headbutt He should be killing Indian people at soccer matches. Yeah. He's so funny.
Starting point is 01:22:47 He makes me laugh at my fucking ass off. Yeah. He's so good. No, he's great. The one thing with cute kids is very funny, too. It's too long to watch, but check that out after. I envy a man who doubles down in his ways. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:23:02 We should all, I think in closing here, we could all apologize less, I think. As things get a little bit more wild. Own the bad parts of you a little bit more. Yeah, I don't like it. I am Ben Avery and I will not apologize. Apologies were for my 20s. Throughout my whole 20s, I would wake up the next day
Starting point is 01:23:20 and people would be like, you should probably apologize to that person. I go, yeah, and I just sat on this message, but I don't know what I, sorry. You didn't mean it though. I didn't mean it. You know why the culture wants us to apologize? Because they want us to be divided against ourselves.
Starting point is 01:23:34 Yeah, exactly. They hate to see an independent man. They go, don't even stand with yourself. It's like, what do you want out of me? Divide the people, divide yourself. What do you want out of me? I fucking love the taste of cat. Leave me be. You do, you wanted to, when people are like, you should apologize, I'm I fucking love the taste of cat. Leave me be.
Starting point is 01:23:45 You do, you wanted to, when people are like, you should apologize, I'm like, no, I kick ass. I'm a winger for cat food. Dude, what if, what if they're really- I'm trying to pick it up on my own. Yeah, what if because they're black, they really cook the shit out of those cats, though? I bet it's great.
Starting point is 01:23:57 What if you're eating like the little tiny ribs they make, and you're like, this is fucking fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Don't eat the dogs, though. The dogs don't eat the dog. I haven't seen much of the dog listening to this podcast and you worship Satan. Please don't don't eat a Dalmatian. Don't eat a I'll let you eat a fucking like a hamster if it's like old.
Starting point is 01:24:20 Yeah. If it's about to die. They don't eat. I'll let I'll let anyone eat a hamster, any hamster at all. Grab it out of the cage. They're so cute when they're little, and I like when they try to squeeze out of a little tiny hole that you make in your hand. I thought they were cute, and then our sister got one when we were kids, and I hated their big hemorrhoid asses.
Starting point is 01:24:35 Yeah, I don't like that you can see their, yeah. Yeah, they're big inflamed assholes, and they just eat one of themselves, fuck them. They should all be eaten by Haitians. Like fucking. I feel that way about guinea pigs because they smell bad. Okay. Guinea pigs are cute to me.
Starting point is 01:24:49 I don't like the smell of a guinea pig. They're a little bigger. They smell like shit though. I don't know what that is. And I don't like anything that has to live in the fucking mulch hay bullshit. That is true. I don't like that either.
Starting point is 01:24:58 It is an abortion. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck them. But a hamster will sleep in a big green plastic tube and not know the difference. When I see that I wanna pick the tube up and blow it into a ceiling fan like a spitball.
Starting point is 01:25:10 I didn't know you hated hamsters so much. Fuck those hamsters. Dude, remember our sister got five of them and they all ate each other. They just kept eating each other. I forgot they turned into little like animals. Yeah, you would go in. You would go in.
Starting point is 01:25:21 They turned into Lord of the Flies. You'd go into Checkup in the morning, you'd just see a hamster with a rib cage and bones. It's a live vivisection that they're performing. Dude, it's unit 57, one. Unit 751. Unit 751 in this hamster cage, it's insane. Or is it 451, I forget.
Starting point is 01:25:37 751. Regardless, it was the Japanese, it was the rape of Nan King, it was the Japanese doing experiments during World War II on Chinese people. On the Chinese. They'd cut them open with their, they were still alive and they would just kind of like play operation.
Starting point is 01:25:52 They would just poke Chinese people's hearts. It was how they figured out how to make Shohei Otani was through Unit 751. They figured out how to get the hamstrings and the ACLs just right. Yeah. What if they cut open a Chinese guy and there's a dog in his stomach? Like the way you find a license.
Starting point is 01:26:08 Oh, wait. And a shark. Yeah, they go. They go dog collar, dog bowl, dog food. Dog. It's what people at Springfield need to start doing. They need to capture the Asian guys, cut their bellies open like they do sharks, hang them from big hooks and then let the cats fall out of their stomach. All on the ground in like amniotic fluid. Do you think that's why black guys
Starting point is 01:26:29 and Asian people don't get along is they eat the different pets? Hey, you know what's funny? It's cats versus dogs. That's what I'm saying. Cats versus dogs, which was a great movie. Or was it dogs versus cats? It was cats versus dogs.
Starting point is 01:26:41 You remember the talking cats and dogs. Jeff Goldblum, I believe, was in it. Jeff Goldblum, I believe. And we got that going on once again today. Cats versus dogs you remember the talking cats and dogs Thousands Jeff Goldblum, I believe and we got that going on once again today folks patreon.com Lemon party. This is the public episode God bless you. We love you all I hope you enjoyed some of the segments today. I hope you Hope I hope you compelled. I hope politically. I hope we remembered to blur the baby, the tiny penises. Oh yeah, blur the baby dick. The baby dick, actually it was a hidden penis.
Starting point is 01:27:10 A hidden penis, like a magic trick. Yeah. I hope you all learn to find love for your fellow man. And I hope you also go to lemonparty.life and buy some of the shirts we made. Yeah, beautiful shirts, beautiful shirts, still for sale. For those of you asking about Lemon Party Golf, we just put out an episode on the Patreon for the $5 and up for everybody.
Starting point is 01:27:35 Go check it out. Check it out. Check it out. So God bless everybody. We got some fun stuff planned in the next couple weeks. Oh, for the 100th episode. For the 100th episode. It's going to be exciting.
Starting point is 01:27:44 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a Cosby on. on. Yeah gonna go on a trip. Big trip. All right well patreon.com slash lemon party for more stuff. Thank you guys. Remember to like, subscribe, and comment that we're gay. Bye everybody. It helps the algorithm. Alright peace out. Bye. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. My love was deep for this Mexican mate, I was in, wild as the west Texas wind.

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