lemonparty - 104: lil fellas

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Head to https://www.TurtleBeach.com and use Code LEMON for 10% off your entire order. Support the show and get 50% off your first Factor box, plus 20% off your next month. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/lemon50 NEW MERCH: https://lemonparty.myshopify.com/ more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty live dates: https://www.lemonparty.life/livedates ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do we leave that part in? We should. I'm on that light beam, always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of me. Do we leave that part in? We should. I think that's a really good podcast. It's a great beginning to a show. They'll start another Reddit so they can talk about that. Yeah.

And they can go ever since they started tuning the mics at the beginning. Isn't it funny that video of like, you can see Paul McCartney making like, Get Back JoJo. Yeah. And he's just playing around on the guitar and like, George jumps in.

And then this is our version of that. Yeah. I was just going, that's not my headphone. Yeah, yeah. Turn it down a little bit. Our version of that, that's our version of when that clip of BB King, his string breaks and he rethreads it while he's playing a solo.

Does he really do that? It's an awesome clip, he really does do that live. But our version of that is like, yeah, we're at Skankfest and we're refilling our Kratom as we podcast. And the dude, he kept doing that Chinese guy voice the entire time he made more Kratom. As he's overdosing on opiates. But that BB King Clip kicks ass because he's just singing about you know some dirty whore that he used to fuck who doesn't fuck

him anymore and they just he's just rethreat covered in sweat. Yeah. Sweating through a suit that looks like it's designed for the Kool-Aid man. It's both in size and material. Just Crisco coming out of his body. Yeah, he kicked ass. All those guys kick ass. Speaking of black musicians, I got a good guy for the page. Logic?

Yeah, well, Logic. I'm getting into rap for the first time. Okay. No, you know I loved Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys. I've always been a big fan of rap. Sure, your top five, Macklemore, Beastie Boys, one half of Logic. I let Anthony Fantano tell me who's good.

So I'm really into, fuck, this lady he likes, this black lady, her name is. FKA Twigs. Something about, oh, Miss Lauryn Hill. Do you guys know Miss Lauryn Hill? Who what? Who was famously miseducated. Yes, are you just finding out about Lauryn Hill?

I had no idea. She had the top album of all time, according to Apple Music, and when Anthony Fientano got to that in the video, because I'm a sucker for her. Yeah, you don't know, you're like, doesn't this lady host The View? music and when Anthony Fientano got to that in the video, because I'm a sucker for it. Yeah, you don't know, you're like, doesn't this lady host The View?

No, she replaced Drew Carey on Whose Line Is It Anyway. But I think the thing, something about the miseducation of her, but I understand she went to prison or something, she's had a real hard life. You see this, it looks like her face is on a cave wall. Well, it's a school classroom, but sure. Yeah, I know you see that hair and you immediately start thinking of stones and sticks being thrown around.

There's a pencil above her head. I'm seeing it on the album cover now. But I know nothing about her, but I listened to one of the songs on the album and it was good. You listened to Doo Wop, that thing? I listened to Lost Ones. It's one of the best albums in hip hop history. That that's what Anthony Fantana told me yeah, but I love it I love him. Yeah, I love him. He's awesome. Yeah, very chill, dude

Yeah, he's I would love to have a beer with him. Yeah, but definitely wouldn't be a nightmare Yeah, well that guy that guy I feel like we knew so many of him like in comedy Yeah, you wonder how he got to be that guy because we've all so many of him in comedy. Yeah, you wonder how he got to be that guy because we've all met dozens of him. Yeah. You know, he's- Fixie gear, sweet greens.

He could have easily been the, Fantano ruins everything. It could have been an Adam ruins it. It could have. Yeah. Yeah, it really could have. He kinda has that same vibe. Yeah, boring white guy that's a nerd mm-hmm nerd and secretly got into

powerlifting to be cool but it's it's still not cool yeah it still sucks one of those Hassan type of guy you can wear all the oversized tour t-shirts that you yeah we see your big thighs but we still don't like your body yeah yeah I'm a 600 pound black rapper. Okay. He's a new guy of mine. Jelly Roll? Who apparently, apparently Jelly Roll is the number one musician in the world. Yeah. Do you know that? Yeah, he's the biggest of all time.

Mm-hmm, yep, he's great. Yeah, cause you forget, most of the country is catfish smoking cigarettes. I love him. He looks, his face looks like a middle schooler's shoe. Yeah, his face looks like Warren Hill's album. He has a Warren Hill on his face. But I haven't heard a, do you know one Jelly Roll song?

That's literally what I'm trying to think of right now. Honestly, they could be every one of the songs that we let her like commercial songs. Like, this is how Led, like he could see that? You fucker, I was on the plane for like an hour and all I could, Legends are Play, this is how Legends are made. Like, he could see that? I don't know. You fucker. I was on the plane for like an hour and all I could, the legends are played. This is how legends are made kept playing in my head over and over.

This is how legends are made. Yeah, I kinda get out of my head. And then standing in the hall of fame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, everyone's gonna know your name. Yeah, I was like, my plane's gonna go down and it's gonna be playing in my head. Because I made you listen to it on the

Patreon last week and it's designed to burrow into your brain. Yes, and not and so you go buy sketch Yeah, yes, so then you go. It's a worm. Yes, they make worm music. It's worm music No, you're literally you're walking you're walking the food court and you go You know what? I do need sketches. Yeah, they put a they put a scientist take a grasshopper and they put it in some vinegar and that song comes out of its body Oh the praying mantis The last of us it just rides your stem the song pops out of some wild trout you got You it starts playing in your head and you go oh that but it is a good lease deal you're like 399 Yeah, yeah, I need a raptor.. You're like 3.99, no money down. I just need a Raptor.

Yeah. Yeah, I need to kill a white family and get in the news. What are you listening to lately? APR anthems. Yeah, this song makes me wanna sign up for a loan with 45% interest rates. Did you see that chick on, somebody on line? And they were like,

Oh, what a bitch. They were like, no money down, and only 500 a month for like a Hyundai Tucson or something. No. But it was like a 50 year loan. She's gonna pay like $160,000. To pass it on to her children, her grandchildren. All you have to do, you have to donate your bone marrow

every fifth month for 20 years. And the car will just be shelter at that point. Yeah. You'll be getting evicted from shelter. Yeah, I saw that, I didn't see that one, but I did see the, did you see the Kamala Harris like black people ad that she released Yesterday no where it's like it's this black dude walking on it's like I guess there's like a dating show on YouTube for black people

Yeah, yeah the balloons and it's just one dude just walking in he's be like what's up I'm not really gonna vote and then they all pop the balloons. Yeah, and then the logos like mmm I've been voting for Harris and shit, yeah. That was all. Yeah. Yeah. That was all. That was all. That was all.

I just, I figured you were keeping up on black news. No, I am. I had a very black week. Really? First of all, I- It's good we're finally getting into this territory, too. Well, I kind of, here's what's funny. So I got to Dallas Lovefield

Flying I love Dallas Lovefield back to Burbank. Did you get a great airport? Yeah, I love that airport. Did you show you the Lamadeline they have there? It's always clean They have a great Lamadeline in the middle of the terminal. They have a stage for like oh they do. Yeah Jelly roll used to perform there Execute people of Islam there on the stage. The gallows. It's funny, I caught catfish all week with my daughter. Mm-hmm. That's a term.

That's a dog whistle. Caught catfish all week. I went to the Boer, I went to Eagle Pass, I caught some catfish. And I sent a lot of emails out about pizza and hot dogs. No, you're at a, you're sending us videos and pics, you're at the lake catching big old catfish. Big catfish.

Is it one of those lakes where they starve all the fish? Mm-hmm. So it's really easy to catch them? I've gone to those lakes. It's like dock out for fish. Where the fish are coming, like, please, like screaming, like, help me! Help me!

Yeah. I was, I caught so many catfish, it was quite the time. By the way, I'm fishing with Dad. And then he's just like, I put it on like, I- He's trying to slit his wrists with the hook. While you're with your daughter. He's teaching your daughter, he's like, now remember you wanna go down the wrist, not across.

He's telling, he's putting the hook in his mouth and he's like, man, just throw me in. Just use me as bait. I don't need a funeral or anything, y'all cut me up in a little cube. In little cubes like in Resident Evil. That movie came on Netflix the other day. You don't need to bury me,

you should use my body as a chum. Just blow me to smithereens, because you hate me Like that whale on the news in the 70s You don't have to make a big fuss just turn my body into liquid blood Dude dad picked me up from the airport on the way to the lake to see family Yeah, he goes and by the way, thanks for everyone who came out to Austin, it was great. But anyway, we. I was gonna say thanks to my family

for having a relationship with me. Dad picked me up and we're in the car and it was quiet for like maybe five seconds. I was like, here we go. And he turns to me, he goes, you know I don't like your podcast, right? Oh great, great, great, great. And I was like, no, I know.

Yeah. That's okay. He's like, I'm not offended. I want you to know I'm not offended by it. Don't tell anybody I got mad. He goes, I just want to let you know I don't like it. And he goes, but I know, I listened to an episode, y'all make fun of me a lot.

He goes, but I want to let you know it doesn't hurt my feelings. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

No. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh man. Oh I feel my heart hurt I'm not kidding when I when you tell you go visit dad and you tell me this of my heart start Dad kicks ass. That is awesome. Yeah, we made fun of it pretty brutally a few weeks ago and that must have been the one No, I think it was the one where Jace found out he got molested. Yeah, yeah, the one we recorded by the pool. That was like the one he listened to, the one we recorded at the pool. Where Jace just talked about. And he goes, I'm going to need that deleted for legal purposes.

He goes, it's a misconception. He was raped, not molested. Of course he listened to that episode. Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah yeah. It's very funny to be like, I wanna let you know I'm not mad, I just think what you guys have chased your entire life for, I don't like it. Just a heads up. He rolls so much too, we're fishing. And I have a playlist on the dock.

It's like, you know, it's for dads like him, where it's like a little bit of Willie Nelson Sure, then there's some Sturgill. Yeah, then there's Boston like it's it's it's a Bible verses about the gay people going to hell Yeah, and the only black song that came on he lit up Okay, the black song that was on the playlist was Old Man River by Paul Robeson or whatever, the guy from the 30s that's like, Old Man River, that old, that song. He goes, I love this one,

so I've been picking cotton all day long. He goes, the fellas chained up, you used to sing that when I was a little kid. It brings me back to my whip cracking days. He remarked, he goes, the lyrics are beautiful. He's like, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Abraham Lincoln has destroyed this guy. He's ape Lincoln. He's mad about ape Lincoln. He's still pissed about the Republican Party in 1865.

Dude, obviously, me and my sister are there, and we have kids now. We're trying to teach our kids how to fish, so we're not wallowing in whatever the hell is going on in his head. You're not in the metamorphosis. So we're not responding to him talking about slavery. Sure, sure. As we're trying to enjoy a nice day fishing on a family vacation. And then he goes,

he goes, man, he goes, could you imagine being one of them little fellas in the Holocaust? And I was like, I was like. He called them little fellas? Like they're goldfish? I go, please. And to be fair, they didn't weigh very much. But still, in my head, I'm like, please be talking about Jewish people and not the Nazis.

Please be talking about Jewish people and not the Nazis. The Lilfellow. Lilfellow. Lil. Not little. Lil. Like, it's Spanky andfalfa getting into high drinks. I know.

Those little fellas. Those little fellas. It's family circus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. God, that's very funny. Yeah, and just zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I said John Brown was a piece of shit And then what a great if the black side that came I was like the baby Yeah You can't even drive through the gate. You can't get a f***er trying to make a late night order. Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

It's okay, it's okay. We'll get a say about it. Dad's just going like, jungle beats all around me. Hot apple jungle beats. Cass rules everything around me. Cream gets the money. That's right, the RZA, the JZA. All day, man, I didn't expect the death. Ray Kwon, the Rizzo the Jizzo. Odie man, you'd expect a dad to break one to share a huger.

Go Spain's killer. M-E-T-A-O-D man. Oh shit. Yeah, no, it would be funny if you... And your mom jumps up and she's like, Hey, you, get off my... You don't know me, you don't know my... You realize they're awesome? Yeah, no, it would be funny your mom jumps up she's like hey They do kick ass they roll yeah, I go big a white bitch

Yeah, you sure you sure Yeah, two years that puts it a black when, he goes, you got a white ass baby. That Wyatt Cracker baby you got. Hey guys, level up your game with Turtle Beach headsets, the number one brand in gaming headsets. They just sent me the headset, and I had bought an Xbox last week. You got that, okay great.

Dude, the headset's amazing. I didn't know we were sponsored by them. Oh, you thought you just got head set in the mail. Yeah, you know, they send it to your place I thought someone has been stalking me. No, no, no, no, no, you got a you got a lovely gift from one of our sponsors So they want us to let you know that you can level up your game with turtle Beach headsets The number one brand in gaming headsets and accessories their new gin 3 stealth 700 headset picks up so much crystal clear sound It's basically cheating. You'll hear every footstep, every reload, and every enemy who's trying to sneak up on

you. They're so comfy, you'll play for hours without a headset headache. And you've tried these out already, Ben. So I got a used Xbox for $105 so I can play all the old Halos. And by the way, fuck all the haters, Halo 2 is way better than Halo 3, suck my dick. Yes, that's true. Cause the cutscenes in Halo 2, they're already rendered out, so it looks like a movie.

So it's like, it's like Master Chief, My Life is a Movie for Real. Exactly. It has all the Riz and the Gat and everything. And then the great thing about those being rendered out is on your headset, you can hear with the immaculate quality that comes with it. Dude, yeah, the Turtle Beach,

I've always wanted Turtle Beach headphones, too, ever since I was a gamer. And I never had any, and I couldn't believe. I thought Amazon accidentally sent them to me. Oh, so you were just not telling anybody? You weren't telling anybody? Why would I tell anybody? You didn't even tell us.

That's fine. I didn't know. Things appear on my doorstep. That is true. That's how my daughter arrived. That's true. And with their cross-play dual wireless transmitter system, you can seamlessly switch between your consoles

and your PC with just the click of a button. You can even connect to your phone while you game, so you can take calls while you save the princess. People hate how you say button. Button? Yeah, like you say Joe Button. Yeah, no, it's a problem. It's a Texas thing, is everybody in Texas the double T?

We say D's, our friend. Titty. Our hand friend, you going titty fuck? Our friend, one of our friends from college, our good friend Hutton, everybody I knew called him Hutton. He'd never been called his name correctly once in his life. It's just a Texas thing. Titty and button.

And button. So whether you're a casual gamer, or haven touched grass and weeks turtle beach is the right thing For a limited time only lemon party listeners get 10% off your entire order when you use code lemon at turtle beach calm That's 10% off your order at turtle beach calm with promo code lemon. Thank you turtle beach now back to the show Imagine one of those being one of those little fellas in the Holocaust was the funniest thing I've ever heard. That's actually. As he's fishing.

That's actually, dad is very funny. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. He's fishing with his grandkids. Everybody's under the age of two. I know. Besides the parents. He loves suffering so much, he's actually like accidentally getting woke.

He's like, and it's a shame what they're doing to the Uyighur Muslims over in Northwest China because those tiny fellow Uighurs He's fantasizing about holocaust victims I know he goes the Uighurs they were a proud Muslim people in northwest China as early as the 700s Those little fellers must have been in so much pain You ever think about, you're like, you're like actually think about it. Think about how much pain they're in.

They ain't got no rats. Ain't got the one rat. They call them little fellas. I'm catching catfish, I'm getting stung. They get you by the way. Their fins will bite the, cut the shit out of you. These were channel cats. They're the ones with spots on them.

And they were, I think that's a channel cat, by the way. I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah, I'll look it up right now, because someone's gonna absolutely toast me. There's a guy in a bass boat. Our main fan base is holding fish in their pictures, so we should get this right. I think it's a channel.

There's a guy who's a human pickup truck who's screaming right now. Like, could you grab him in the the yeah, it's a channel channel You grab them, you know under the belly, you know But still they can kind of squirm and like these right here can still kind of get you right there And that's where they got me It was yeah, they're back thin is like a little fucking safety razor. Dude. There's something that's shit I love getting stung by him though. Yeah, I kind of just kept letting it happen if something about it just felt right. You're like dad

Yeah, you're turning into yeah Like that's like you know what I love is you ever just take a like a teenage girl Just slice a little bit across your wrist feel good He's like doctors had I needed some acupuncture done, I just go down to the lake. Let him bite me to bits. Yeah, sure. And of course, these little catfish, they look Asian. That reminds me of a Unit 731. What they did to those Chinese bastards was despicable.

I've never seen him happier fishing with his grandkids talking about the Holocaust. It really is. He's the happiest I've ever seen him in his whole life. It really is. It is nice to see him with the grandkids, I gotta say. He's really... Even if he's usually remarking on slavery. But that's his tip. Or genocide.

That's his, you know, some people's tops are other people's bottoms. Yeah, like homosexuality. Yeah, exactly. But no, good for him, you know. So then, so I had like a black ass week, right? Because then I go to a- Black ass week.

Black ass week. I was catching the cat, like a jazz black guy, like a blues musician black guy week. I'm catching catfish I got my kids with me my dad my paw you know and everything yeah And then I go started going by n-word gym by the end of the trip So you're wearing that shirt? She's got a little hankerchief with it living on a self-made like canoe

You know like a riverboat. Oh, like a riverboat? Yeah. Like a riverboat. Was it Huck Finn with Jim? Yeah, yeah, yeah, N-word Jim. That's not his name. No, but it's not. No one called him Jim. He goes, excuse me, my name is Jimmy the N-word.

Get it right. Get it right. Put, yeah, like he's like. Don't say it like it's in the he's like, he's like, don't say it like it's in the phone. Like he's Sydney Poitier. They call me Mr. N-word. Please, N-word Jim is my pilot. He goes, oh yeah, N-word Jim is my dad's name.

Just call me N-word. Sorry, sorry. So I get to the airport. Yeah. And there's nursing rooms that are. For the kids. Yeah, for the, I mean you can just go in there. Sure.

No one stops you at all. They're the pods, right? The big round pods? No, it's just like, at Dallas Love Field it was just like a janitorial closet. I think people used to kind of. What did I go in? What have I been inside of?

What have I been milking inside of? Yeah, I see the nursing room. I'm like, oh, dude, I can totally just milk myself in here. No, they need rooms for moms to nurse because guys can't not look at women when they're nursing their kids. A vital necessity for the kid to survive. A guy can't not.

Which is so pedophilic, by the way. He'll turn into like a baboon. He'll start like screeching and try to grab the kid. You're getting off to the idea of a baby sucking her mom's nipple. But what I like to think you do is it's almost like, you know, in a- What if you do this? What if you kind of put your hand, from a distance,

put your hand in front of the baby and go, this is a titty. And I imagine another hot woman is sucking on it. Like a guy watching porn, but he doesn't let himself look at the dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. He does that. He's doing that.

You put on like Inuit glasses. You can figure it out. Let him be. Let the boys play. Let the boys play. They've had enough. We're trying to get in the nursing room. Do you get to go in the nursing room?

I get full access. Whoa. I went in a couple of them, I was like, hey, sorry, I'm looking for my wife. Yeah. And I just kept wandering into them. This is just a bunch of fat TSA guys draining their cysts.

Yeah, into like Mason jars. There's one woman. Yeah. Drain their cysts into a mason jar that they close and then slide next to a pile of other mason jars. Like it's a beer on a bar. Yeah, it just looks like mozzarella. What's the balls of cheese in the water that you buy at?

Yeah, motz. Yeah, it's a burrata. Making neck juice burrata. And then a guy from Whole Foods picks it up and puts it in a truck. He's like, I sell this to lesbians for $40. Sell this to damn lesbians. By the way, it's so funny to see a super masculine lesbian,

super butch, big ass fucking arms, the whole trucker thing. And then they're in a situation where they have to do something masculine and they do it like a woman. And you can't help but laugh a little bit when they try to step into a man's shoes for real. Because we can all dress up like Johnny Depp,

but when the cameras are on, can you act like him? You know what I mean? Can you hit the woman? Can you do that much cocaine? Can you do that? Can you drink wine all night and day? You know, that's actually why he wears all those bracelets is to cut women up It's like high cage fighting It's artistic brass. Yeah, where they do like the the syrup and then the nails on their fists to fight

I saw butch lesbian outside the Burbank Airport. She's like running. She's like I'm right here. I'm right here She's on the phone. She's like stop and she's trying to run with her bags Man would have just picked up their bag rather than relying on the phone, she's like, stop, and she's trying to run with her bags. A man would have just picked up their bag rather than relying on the wheels, which we all know can start to do this kind of motion and start to kind of fall. A man just picks it up and runs with it. But this butch, Les, she is like,

how, and she's running and she turns into like a six, she is biker, full biker, gelled back. Yeah. Dressed like Hulk Hogan. Dressed like Hulk Hogan. Dressed like Hulk Hogan. And the bag starts to do this, she's like, oh shoot! And it's whipping her from side to side like this. She can't walk at all.

I'm like, ma'am, maybe leave the boots at home. Leave the boots at home, put on a pair of high heels, and go ask the doctor to cut your tits off to put them back on. Ma'am, how about you suck my dick? How about you be a woman and suck me off right here at Bob Hope Airport? Like he would've wanted.

And I call it Bob Hope Airport. Bob Hope Airport! Not perfect! Why don't we go in the nursing room and you nurse the cum out of my penis? Bitch. That's what I did anyway. I go to the, bitch. You fucking bitch.

Doing the finger thing. Yeah, on the table, bitch. Now. Now. Five, four, three, two, one, do it, do it, do it, three, two, one, do it, now. She takes off her Hulk Kogan bandana. Yeah.

To tie her hair back. And puts it in a big bib to catch all the meaty cum that she's nursing. Yeah, because I'm going to rope cum like it's crab meat. Across your breast, sweetheart. Listen, I go, I haven't been drinking enough for two weeks so I can assault women better when I go to the infirmary. So I go to the

So I go to this nursing room and the lady coming out of it is um She's a black woman and she has a three-week old black baby. Sure. She sounds vaguely like Haitian I didn't ask I don't really know she might have just been black Sometimes I invent accents for people and that's not fair of me and I've talked to my therapist about it. Like. Uh huh. Okay. Sometimes I hear things that aren't there and it's because of my conditioning.

Yeah. Sure. She was black. Sure. This much I know, she had a three-week-old baby. Now this is very important to the story. Okay. She's postpartum. She's got her pussy stitched up.

Right. She can't really be walking or running at all this soon after birth, so she has one of those wheelchair things that someone at Southwest or whatever should be pushing her in. Yeah. That dude fucking abandoned her. She went in to the nurse and then he just left.

She had to make her flight. And he's just going to jack off real quick. From the three seconds of pushing her into the room, he just like, just out of the corner of his ocular cavity, he just saw. He's jacking up to the National Geographic magazine. He saw the outline of a breast from 40 feet away. He's like download enough peripheral images to Jacket These things walking in and just in a sec

The she can't go anywhere because they can't be pushed unless your hand is on the handlebars behind and you're squeezing it down on the handlebars behind and you're squeezing it down. And then the wheels can go. That's right. It's so old people don't roll onto the 405 or roll downhill. Or literally like teenagers. Because no one's really paying attention to old people's safety when you're pushing them.

You'll just turn and be like, what? You'll see that there's a new featured item at Taco Bell and you turn back. And there are eight lanes across the 405. They're going 65 miles an hour. Which is, it's the funniest scream probably is an old lady in a wheelchair that is a runaway. Ah!

They always do hands up in the air like that. Like no one's gonna save you sweetheart. Keep them in your lap, be dignified. Yeah, be dignified and go, I want this. I wanna be released. I need this. My hands are so gross. Release me.

My hands look like little bony insects. But anyway, she can't make her gate. Is she trying to drag her little feet on the wheelchair, but she can't because of the law? She had me get down on the floor to try to figure out why the wheels aren't moving. So now I am Now I'm underneath her right you're on under Those things mechanics used to look at her pussy. Yeah I'm getting honestly. It's a pervert stream. It's like hey

There's a really good excuse right now for you to get on the floor and then look up to me and start talking to me. And you're in a nursing room. Anyway, she's panicking like, oh, I need to make my flight. No, the guy, he came and then he, and then he left, he left, he went away. She's so scared. And you go, shut up, all right, you Haitian bitch.

Calm down. Perfect English. So she, she says that in perfect English, she go, don't worry about a thing Ma. You go meet your black on there. Sorry, sorry. We're fighting you some Apple Jacks man. Yeah, don't worry your blood sugar low, we gonna get it on the true true.

We'll get you the Bob Marley flag. So Katie's like rush, like help her now and I'm rushing behind her with this. Katie's like rush, like help her now and I'm rushing behind her with this. Katie's like fuck her now, man. Fuck her. Fuck her. Be a man.

I'm pushing her and she's trying to make her gait. And she's not, I feel bad but I kept hitting her with the wheelchair. I kept fucking her like, cause it comes out at the bottom way too far. I almost knocked her down a few times and it kind of looked like from behind I'm a giant white guy and I'm chasing this black woman through the airport as she's running She's all her bags and she's trying to run the best she can and I'm pushing and she has this little Yeah, little baby. That's just like you look look over, you're holding a whip, but you're running through the turn.

Yeah, her strap is attached to the, like an Iditarod. And I look at the thing and I'm like, you got moved to gate four, you gotta go this way. And she's like, no, no, gate 19, I gotta go all the way over here. And I was like, but it already looks so bad, I don't wanna be mansplaining to her where the fuck she's supposed to go

I'm like she might just miss her flight, right? We go all the way one way all the way back and I keep hitting her legs sometimes because she's fucking she doesn't she's not Keeping up. She's fast, but it's like come on bitch. You might miss your flight Then we finally get there and the black guys like sorry I'm not is the classic black guy like guy's like, sorry, I'm not, he's the classic black guy, like, I just closed the door, and I'm not fucking opening it. Sends us to the customer service desk,

and we get over there, and it's a Hispanic lady, like, oh honey, like, oh no, you're three week old, all this stuff, and then she goes and makes him like, she's like, I don't know if I can get you back on, and she goes, do you have a letter from the father that is letting you travel with the child this young? And she goes, no, no, no, there's no dad. And she goes, who's on the birth certificate?

And she goes, and out loud to everyone, she had to go, there's no father on the birth certificate. And they go, oh, and both the women go, oh, Jesus, honey. And they go like this, they're like, hold on, fuck him. And they just took him over and they pushed the black guy out of the way that was standing in front of the gate And then I pushed her on the plane sailor and Matt Walsh popped their heads out and I told you God yeah with that big fake wig

Am I racist? So I want to say I stepped in to a role that there should have been and now we don't know what race the father is Right. Well, actually do the blade baby's very dark. Yeah, we actually do know the dad is blacker than Statistically, yeah Insanely dark baby like it's sucking like it's that very black. It's that new paint they created that sucks in more It's that new paint they created that sucks in more light than most colors. So I stepped in and for 25 minutes I assisted this woman and I got her to Houston, Texas where there's no one waiting on her. You got her to Houston, Texas.

I got her to Houston, Texas where she needed to go with her black baby who's three weeks old and there's no dad or anything. But I think I kind of allowed myself like six more months of racism on the show. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I was like, I probably need to rain it in

a little bit and I'm like, no I just, it's like when the fucking, the groundhog like sees the shadow or whatever. Sure, yeah you saw a shadow. Yeah. She's panting, she's out of breath and you throw a Tide Pod in her mouth. They go, no, no problem, baby.

I just did an episode on this, this is what you need. Oh, man, that's great. I would love, that's actually, it's a very valiant thing you would do. I would be so funny for playing immediately crashed. Like, you were at the game with your wife, and you're just like, man, I did a really good back and then you see how the window just.

Brrr. Brrr. Pfft. And like the crash in Brazil. It just starts spinning. It just starts spinning and then just slowly, it just kind of falls, it just drifts out of the sky and then just pfft.

I see the little black baby fly into the sky like, yeah boy. Yeah boy. It's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah. I see the little black baby fly to the sky like, yeah boy! The longest yeah boy of all time. Jesus. What, is that too far? I don't even know. I'm just saying like people accuse me

of like being insensitive and stuff, and then like look what I did. I stepped into the shoes of a black man. Yeah. Can I ask you when they... Did you sign the paper like I'm the dad? I was like, I'll sign it. Where's the birth certificate?

I'll be that boy's father. Yeah, you were like Atticus Finch. Yeah. Did you, when they said, when she said emphatically that there's no father, were you just like... You go, I knew it! No, I'm being serious, were you in your head just being like, okay, just play it cool, don't think about that at all?

I looked just like this. Yeah, you immediately acted like when you're in public and you see a really retarded kid, and you just have to be like, eh, you know, I'm not, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I just wanna say, you know, I know you're not supposed to talk about the good things you do in this life, or whatever, because your reward's in heaven,

but I just wanna say, I think it's good to the things we say on the show to then kind of, in real life, totally, you know. You, there's a- You felt guilty for the last few weeks about black jokes. I sleep fine. Yeah.

Is that why you- I get eight hours a night. Sure. I'll be honest with you. In my bright, bright room. The brightest room- Where I can see them coming. The brightest room you've ever seen. I'll be honest with you in my bright bright room The bride The brightest room you've ever seen That I've set up with a machine gun turret facing out the window

Anyway No, it was a very very good thing. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a good guy. You're a good guy I did the same thing in that I was I, well you were in Texas, I was in San Francisco, so I was doing the gayest thing. Classable. Classic. Lib. Dirty Lib. Dirty Lib. Well I was actually there campaigning for Donald Trump

because I think we're gonna take California this year. I think we could do it. And I saw a black woman shitting in the street and I just walked by her and didn't kick her over or yell at her or anything. Wow. Congrats, man. Same level.

That's hard for you? Same level of, yeah. Oh, that's difficult for you to do? I was with my girlfriend so I had to just- It would've been funny if it was Kamala Harris. Shitting in the street. She's trying to appeal to urban voters. Now I was with my girlfriend so we turned the corner

and walked directly past a woman shitting in the middle of the street. And being with my girlfriend, so we walked, we turned the corner and walked directly past a woman shitting in the middle of the street. And I had, and being with my girlfriend, I just had to be like, huh, I think that's fine. I actually love that she's doing that. And I think this is a great city. It's, you know what's sad, man, is like, I went to Austin and it was great and everything.

And I was hanging out with Gardini and Kurt Metzger at the mothership and I saw some other comics is I was in the mothership green room Yeah, and you were there to kill Roseanne. Yeah you Derek Sheldon Yeah, they just they're watching you on the security tapes like that scene and you were never really here You have that ball peeing hammer. You're just walking room to room Hey guys, you don't always have time to make a fancy soup from scratch Lucky for you. There's factor These fresh never frozen meals come right to your door throw them in the microwave or on the skill for two minutes and dinner is

Ready to go all their meals are dietitian approved.ved, so you know you're getting the nutrition you need. The other day I made a beautiful veggie chicken noodle soup using better than bouillon, but it took me forever. I'm going to the grocery store, I've got to cook it all down. It took forever. With Factor Meals, you get to save all the time. They send us a lot of their boxes and you just throw it in, you're good to go. Factor offers 35 meal options to choose from each week and menu plans like keto, vegetarian, and calorie smart. So you can stick to your goals while saving tons of time.

Check out their breakfasts and snacks for an all day Factor experience. So head to factormeals.com slash lemon50 and use code LEMON50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. That's code LEMON5050, that's LEMON50, at factormeals.com slash LEMON50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.

Thank you, Factor. Two days later after I was there, they like banned all non-pass people to let go. Like someone sent me a thing. It couldn't have been because of you. like a dawn past people to to let go like Someone sent me a thing it couldn't have been cuz that yeah, so I don't know if that was a That was something but anyway, it's kind of because I finally saw it now that it's built at least yeah, but yeah I guess I'm not welcome there. I don't think it was you I'm gonna next time I go I'm gonna try to get in there and try and get in Yeah, bull rush the door their psychos on 6th Street constantly trying to like wander in Yeah, the comics

Yeah, there's like a hundred people in America who one day they flip a coin and they're like heads I try to kill Trump tales. I go to the mothership and start doing open eyes When I came home when I walked into Devin's house today both of you guys were watching Joe Rogan lift weights with action It was great. They were then they ate some barbecue It's weirdly sexual like I felt like we should all should have started jacking off on the yeah watching them both pump Yeah, and just eat well, that's the fifth best barbecue in Austin, which they think is the best What is this way they in it blacks or something? Terry blacks, they think Terry blacks is the best part. Yeah, and I just like ironworks or anything not even going out to Lockhart

It's a damn shame Dallas they're at a they're at a dickie's a lot card is it's a town. Oh, yeah, I think there's a barbecue place Yeah, there's like three barbecue places out there there It's like a what like 45 minutes outside Austin. Yeah, something like that in the in the rolling God's country's hills That's of Eastern Texas. It's where I do the mothership like did people look at you weird like that's the guy that said I should die No people people were and I said they said they listened to the show. Really? Yeah, I was treated differently. Who, David Lucas? You know what's funny, at the show I did at the Velveeta Room, most of the material

was just me talking about David Lucas. Mm-hmm. And I was like, can I make a living doing this? It's just improvising bits about David Lucas. Yeah, Ben Avery, the David Lucas tour. Yeah, you're doing the Lucas monolog yeah, I'm gonna make documentaries about David Lucas I think I mean that'll be what we'll watch that so we'll watch your documentaries on Devon's couch late at night I'm like, she's bad. Yeah, we're gonna stay we're gonna run out of so many comedy videos

We're gonna have to start like getting chat GPT to like start I'm like make me a AI fucking video about how comedy sucks so I can watch it now the only thing that like I was trying to talk to like Kurt about something and like Polly Shore was just being weird. So I just kept like scooting away from him Yeah that guy. Oh he did he move to Austin? I think they I'm talking to comics They're like you're the only one that hasn't moved down here because there were people there I didn't even know move there. It felt like being in at the Comedy Store in LA in 2017, right? That's what was so weird about it is fucking I thought that was over. They're just a whole city. Just just shifted

Yeah, the former the Kill Tony band. They're out front panhandling Yeah, you know scraping gum. Yeah, I like they're in Newling. Yeah, scraping gum off the sidewalk. They're in New Orleans. Yeah, Tony shooting at their feet. Ha ha ha ha! It was good to be back in Austin, though. My hometown. Sure, yeah.

My hometown. My hometown, we went there 13 times as children. And we did love it every time we went. Everybody thinks we record this show in New York City, by the way. I don't know why that is. Why? Interesting. Like five people were like, how's New York?

I was like, I don't record Women Party there. They're like, yeah, you guys, they just assume because we're so mean we can't possibly be in LA. Yeah, they go, you're Joe DeRosa, right? Better call Saul? They go, how's the sandwich shop going, man? Congrats on that. That's very funny, yeah, I've gotten that too.

People think we're from these coasts. Just because we're mean? I guess. They think we're New Yorkers? I don't know, Redbar thought we were New York. Yeah. Yeah, well Redbar was fighting for air, with every word. I love that guy with Guardini, by the way, because Guardardeity will just be like, okay, I walk by Gardeity

Like I fucking hate that guy He fucking sucks at the live show a year ago or whatever there was some somebody we knew was there and Gardeity kept looking at me in cars like I hate the fucking gay guy Who's that fucking gay guy? We were like oh What are you done we look at a picture is that your trip no, I'm looking at Looking at your mom

You have pictures of Devon's mom. Yeah at your mom you have pictures of Devon's mom yeah you went up to the Aniline Empire they get pictures of Devon's mom yeah I was uh I was just looking at something to see if we could talk about it but I don't think we'll talk about that actually because I try to prepare for the show I don't know if you do that I've noticed I like I'm putting in more effort mm-hmm that's why you took the trip to the show We could talk about the things that happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. You visit dad so we can get more things to slowly ruin our relationship I didn't want to come back and talk and I but I love him by the way people think like

We're of course I do. No, I know I know I love him too. I spent tons of time with him, I love him, he's great. He's just funny, is all. I mean, to be fair, I also talk about the Holocaust too much. Yeah. I mean, I'm aware of that. Sure, yeah. We have that in common. Yeah.

You both call Jews little fellas? You wonder if he had his hour long radio program, but would he just talk about like the Holocaust? Like pretty much every hour you just be like, yeah, it's bad what they did do You know, it's anyway is not right. It's not right. Anyway, that's superintendent fucked me over Fucked me out of that sand Sabbath job That's comedy just for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Being a coaches kid is a pretty fun experience growing up. Because, and through not really any fault of his own, we would, every four years we would move to a new community and then all the kids that sucked wouldn't play and their parents would get mad. So, every, like by every second year, the whole town we lived in hated my dad.

Yeah. And was like, plotting to basically get him fired from his job. So that was always weird going over to your friend's house and be like, oh, your mom's about to get my dad fired. Play a Friday Night Lights thing. Yeah. Boy, it'd be a shame if those girls lost that game.

I just don't want to think about what would happen. Yeah, Coach, you know there'd be a lot of consequences If they lose state this year quite I'm quite a few I Am sorry I'm looking at my saved bullshit here. Oh, yeah, that's just a Jewish guy. That's a clip of Bert. Yeah I got nothing That's just a little so funny if you actually were, you're like the fucking Joker to the mothership. Like they ended people coming in because of you. Well I don't know, some people see me, they act like they saw a ghost.

I'm like, I don't know, it's just weird. People don't, people are, they feel funny around me sometimes I think. You said a couple people were looking over there. Well that's just in my head. You said a couple people were looking over their shoulders when they saw you walk into the room Yeah, I guess I don't really know who knows who knows what's going on in there They put your phone at a yonder bag and as soon as I got into going the green room Yeah

But then as soon as I got in the green room likes because I just grabbed mine and gave it back to me Okay. Yeah, what they do is because what they do because all the fans keep looking at porn with the volume on We're not worried about stealing material because everybody's stealing material from the other comments who have died. Yeah I guess fuck I really want to talk about this fucking guy I found but I can't until the patreon why because it's it's copyrighted stuff So if I play it on which is why I wish we were on our own website so we could do whatever we wanted. Because all I could show you guys

is pictures of catfish and whatnot. Yeah. But I will, you know what, I'm gonna show you this. What's that? I think that's something. I'm gonna, because, I mean, we've been talking about comedy here. When did we see a movie before you left?

Did we? Oh yeah, we saw the Junkies. Well, we saw Saturday Night. Saturday Night sucked. Yeah, that's like that was funny though There was a family at the AMC that walked in never seen this before There's a there's like a farmers market in Burbank, but it's like a fat people farmers market It's like people it's it's people like eating the corn dogs mother didn't cheat. Oh, yeah, and It's so then I got a coffee there, and then I walked in and I met Ben at the theater,

and then Ben was really, really ridiculous. He was asking them for like a pamphlet about the AMC movie pass. Yeah, I'm signing up for something. You were like, it was crazy. It was like out of the 90s, like she was your travel agent. You were asking her so many questions. For literature.

I was like a mortgage lender, I wanna read the dotted line. It was amazing. And then a fat family walks in and they go, what movies y'all got? What movie y'all got? I'd never seen this happen. The lady started reading through the movies

and then they were like, Joker. I see Jokers. I don't think they knew it was the comic book Jokers. Me and them were like, Joker. I see Jokers. I don't think they knew it was the comic book Jokers. They never were talking, they think AMC makes the movies. People out there think the theater made the movies. Yeah, yeah, no, they think they're going to like, Wallburgers. Yeah. And they're like, what type of food's y'all got?

What's the special of the day, AMC? What did Mark Wahlberg cook up there? What's he got going on down at Wallburgers? No, people are very remarkably dumb. So, yeah, they thought they were like, oh, the Joker. Foley, I do. I was like a clown. Yeah, they go, I love Foley's. Yeah, I love the Keystone cops.

I think they thought they were walking into a bounce house. Yeah. They go, what's all this? This gay shit? This is a gay move. It's bogey. What's all this this gay shit? The thing I really want to talk about I think it's too mean also like oh, yeah I fucking hate that comic that keeps stealing Louis CK's material and he's all over Instagram reels and Joe keeps pushing him Oh, he's literally doing the greatest bits that Louie ever did What is word for word?

Exact Louie joke and it's crazy. No one no one in the comments has any memory I'm gonna play it the whole thing like it's magic and yeah, should I play it? Oh, it's gonna get copyrighted though, right? It won't get copyrighted. Oh, I thought this way. Well then play it. No, no, I guess you're right. It's too mean It is a little person fucking mean, what am I gonna do? Fuck up his thing, but his name is He's been making me so mad that was actually the comments go isn't this like an exact Louis CK's six people and then and then people under that that go oh Correct me if I'm wrong, but our jokes intellectual property. Yeah, you're like yes, that's actually

but are jokes intellectual property? Yeah. You're like, yes, that's actually one of the definitions of intellectual property. Six people in the comments that don't have vitamin D deficiencies that remember another comic that did a great iconic joke. That'll happen online now. You'll see something deliberately stolen

and you'll go to the comments to see if anyone has called it out. Does anyone remember or care? I just saw the fucking Mr. Beast uploaded a video that was beat for beat the Jackass jet fighter thing where they're standing behind the plane and it's like blowing shit into them. It's a great bit. Sitting in the chair the exact same way, like the old commercial. And I went through I went through like 200 comments.

Everybody's like, lunch. Lee lunch. They gave me brain worms, I love this shit. Is it great? You know about lunchlies, right? There's like brain parasites in it. You're gonna have to, you're gonna soon be negotiating not buying lunchlies for your daughter one day.

I guess so. Yeah. Logan Paul's gonna take all your fucking money one day. I think it's like paint. I think it's like paint chips. Yeah, no, it's actually like- I have no idea what it is. No, I think they're actually getting investigated

by the people who prosecuted the Sackhor family. They're creating thalidomide babies in trailer parks. What is Lunchly? It's Mr. Beast's new food product. Mr. Beast's, Logan Paul and the KSI, or however you say his name, they have a new Lunchable that has prime inside of it I'm like Woodward and Bernstein for lunch. Logan Paul started prime, right? Yeah

Is pretty bad, which is different from happy dad, which was started by Nelk. Yes the happy dad seltzers yes, which you now will see like at a presidential debate and Steinies like the you know, he's he's presidential debate and Stiney's like the you know he's he's Change yeah, Stiney's great. I like I just love that man. I just love the YouTube guys are like forming companies called like microplastics LLC Like well like fucking like YouTube creators on the phone like so like what what states can we dump the toxic waste in yeah? So we can't in Pennsylvania, but what if we drive to Ohio? Oh, that's fine. We can dump it there. Okay, that's great great Yeah, it ain't no but a thing man

Ain't nothing number thing at least they're not starting What would you rather they get involved with politics and they start wars that they bomb a bunch of people over there? Yes, so they could so we can get their oil. Yeah, because then my oil would be cheaper that would actually kick ass I'd be like, thank you Jay Paul You're awesome. Thank you that you turned a million children into liquid and now my gas costs 250 That's gonna be the next thing is like Logan Paul. I was on military maybe yeah Yeah, they're mercenaries, yeah, but they're filled they've all got like a real grip iPhones on there like rifles They're likeenaries. Yeah, but they've all got like Gorilla Grip iPhones on their rifles.

They're like the Trendy Aragwa. What's a Trendy Aragwa? The Venezuelan gang that keeps taking over cities. This is Logan Paul and his friends. Yeah, they used to be like, TikTokers have taken over Pittsburgh. They rule the city now like Bane. OK, this one's fair to make fun of,

because I got to get some steam off right now. OK, here we go. I got to get some fucking steam off. Yeah fair to make fun of cuz I gotta I gotta get some steam off right now Okay, here we go. I get some fucking steam off. Yes, make fun of some Billionaires wait fuck do I even have the here we go think that was 2017 and I was like Oh, these are my tax returns for this year He goes do you realize that you earn more this year than in my entire career combined? I was like really and he was like, yeah I go, do you realize that this was like just talking about my farts and stuff? It's just me being like I farted

and I actually shit when I farted. And he was like, that's great, buddy. What's crazy is your kids will never have that with you. They fucking better not. My daughters will never make more money than I do. That's a great, they're about to start their careers. They'll never achieve what I have achieved. They'll never play these shoes.

I will be their Bruce Willis. They will always be my Tallulahs and Scouts. How is Chris Benoit a better dad? My dad came from a garage. Yeah, it would be better for their children if they tied a weight lifting rope around their neck. Did you know he did that by the way? Yeah, a lot of Bowflex stuff.

They found him tied up in a Bowflex like a big arachnid. Yeah. Like he was in a web. Like a mech suit. Like he was like a scarecrow. Yeah, like in Science of the Lambs where they go into the prison after his escape, the guy's tied up like that. Let me see, do they have pictures of the Lambs where they go into the prison after his escape the guys tied up like this

Let me see do they have pictures of the Crispin Wad? Please don't I watched a dark side of the ring, which is a great show Yeah, by the way, and they blurred it out But they show the like cop body cam going into the room and you see the machine he's like tied up in but they blur The body. Yeah. Oh, wait. What do I type in to find that? Crispin Wad death footage. I don't know. YouTube will let it be shown. Oh I know.

This is just for us. Just to get a look at it. Nothing on Google Images. Whatever. It's a harrowing documentary. What? He did it? What the fuck? I just thought he was a wrestler. He's a double murder and suicide guy

Yeah, you didn't know what the joke. I'm doing a bit. Okay Crazy but to be fair he did hang himself. Yeah after he did he punished himself. Mm-hmm. This is really a bad guy double murder and suicide You know, you never see triple murder. Everyone kind of taps out after the two. They're kind of lazy about that. Everyone ever falls through with the third one. Well, they tell the third one, you go tell people what I've done here.

Sending a message. Yeah, like in Gloria's Bastard style. So it says he murdered his wife, Nancy, and their seven-year-old son, Daniel, before hanging himself. Yeah. In Fayetteville, Georgia. That's what I did it folks Yeah, nothing to do in that damn town because he was Tom Segura's CPA

And Tom just kept going like you realize like I'm a I'm my life is better than yours It was all off shit and fart jokes you realize that right you realize I'm you'll never make that much money and Chris Paul went home Killed everybody So I will say he placed Bibles by the bodies of his wife and son so they could have you know Maybe found some sort of salvation before they die or maybe are used those Bibles to beat him to death like they were steel chairs In as I wonder where the Bibles were there Why yeah, why would he put Bibles were there. Why? Yeah, why would he put Bibles next to them?

I think if I remember the documentary, he was getting really into, he would call people and leave really weird messages and he was getting into God and the Bible. And I think he was one of those guys where it's like God told him to. He had severe CT. Why did God tell him to do that?

Oh, because God hated his family. His son masturbated once as a teenager, so God said. He said he duct taped their feet together. So God said, well, you have to punish them. A balled up combination of a tube sock and tape was also found. There's so many uses for tube socks, and none of them are good. Yeah, no.

And tape, really. You really could just gag a woman or jack off. Yeah. Or just wear them them that's the ad It's like flex seal It's the guy it's the guy in flex. You're gonna like look at this woman's mouth. He just slaps it Flex seal or the top of it. Yeah, he he also his move was he would dive off the The top buckle and he would hit people with his head so he got like

more CT than any wrestler in history because he would he used his head as a battery ram and they would do like 300 shows a year back then so his brain was just fucking just cottage cheese. I think he sedated everybody with a excuse me I get choked up thinking about killing my family I think it says he sedated them with drugs though, so they didn't feel a thing was his son was I don't believe his wife well, I mean His wife was she was getting into she probably took the damn stuff these wives these days You know the risk reward if you're marrying a CT mother's little helpers referring to Chris Benoit if you're marrying a CTE. Mother's Little Helpers referring to Chris Benoit.

Yeah, bad guy. Oh, what did Chris Jericho say? Can you scroll up for a second? Chris Jericho, his coworker and close friend say that his own research on the condition, the symptoms fit Daniel to a T all across the board. Okay, referring to, oh, he thought HGH did it.

Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Makes sense. He later, he later, yeah, he later said that was probably not true. I guess that is one of the benefits to being like a soy guy.

What do you mean? Well, you won't like roid out and kill your family. No you'll ask. Like if you have high levels of estrogen and man boobs and shit. Their version of that is begging their family to kill them because they've cucked themselves so many times. It'll be crazy one day like Rogan,

like Graham Hancock walks into his studio and Rogan just like crossbows him to death and loses his mind. Yeah Joe Rogan is Rambo in Austin, he's just in the trees killing people. He just starts killing all of his favorite guests. He's so good at archery and fighting that the cops can't get him.

Yeah, he's hunting jelly roll, like the most dangerous game. He's just like Batman for Austin. For years, you'll be a couple walking down the street late at night, and they just see a guy swinging from street lamps. Yeah, it's like the OJ. It would just be the craziest trial of all time. That would be pretty great.

I guess it says here that Benoit's computer showed he had researched the quickest and easiest way to break a neck, quote unquote. He had then later used a towel around his neck attached to the handle of a machine Which he pulled down using a very heavy weight and let go breaking his neck instantly. Yeah, so that's how he killed himself Yeah With a with like the I think it was like the pull down machine for like your lats Crazy to go out like and that's in like a weirdly poetic

I know for yourself the way you got so the way you're so good at killing your family It's like if Vince Carter like dunked himself to death. Like he jumped his head into the hoop. Yeah, he ducked his head in the sand. And the people are just going, it's over. Over. Yeah, the doctor going, it's over. Shaq's holding a 10.

Kevin Gardner's holding a camcorder like, oh! The old 2003. Shit! Yeah, everyone's going, fuck! Yeah, well, did you know, any wrestling fan already, this has been covered to death, but the WWE, they knew he died, but they didn't know how he died.

So they did a whole memorial for him that night. They did a tribute show on TV saying like Chris, everybody that came on was like Chris Benoit is like the greatest guy of all time, showed his wrestling highlights, talked about like what a good daddy was. Which these days it is crazy if we find out a whole family was killed, we all know it's the dad.

You know? It's crazy that back then we were so naive that we were like, just a home invasion. A bow flex broken. Yeah, I guess just black people did it. Probably, it was probably Booker T. Who knows? Yeah, I guess unless it's poison,

it's always a woman because they're so cruel. They want to be a long, drawn out thing. They're so cruel and weak, they have to kill like a spider. Because what he did is really, you know, that's how you kill something at a slaughterhouse where you don't want to be in pain if you're gonna do it You know you would bind their Their feet right and their hands you would sedate them and then you would you know You would do what you have to do because God's telling you to do it

Yeah, really are you gonna are you gonna go against God's plan? This is what Drake has sang about for years. God has a plan. God also loves hurting children. God's a thick light skinned bitch. God's plan, fuck a 12 year old God's plan. Be a Feeba Fout, God's plan. Yeah, and you can't, apparently you can't,

maybe you can, but they just wiped that footage off the face of the earth of that tribute night that the WWE did. It's not anywhere to be found officially. Too bad this guy couldn't fight in the Kandahar Valley, because if he went out there, man, he would have been a legend. This is how legends are made. He would have got shot in the head.

He would have got shot in the head with an RPG that didn't even explode. He just keeps running. His body just salivated out. He's in the Kandahar, he's like Restrepo or whatever the fuck it is, Restrepo. He's just running and they're firing RPGs clean through his head.

Yeah, yeah. He would've been in Kandahar with, Jocko would've been his commander. And he would've been like, Pinwad, I want you to pretend the enemy is your family. I want you to kill all them and put Bibles next to their feet. Because they're fucking Muslims, good. Man, the WWE was crazy at this time.

And then like 10, 15 years later, we would go on to find out that Vince McMahon was like fucking women with with turds Raping women with hard turds. I'm typing that in right now. He's like freezing his own turds I Typed in Vince McMahon sex with poop. Yeah Is that true? He defecated defecate. Yeah. Is that true? He defecated. Defecate, yeah. Yeah, his texts leaked and it was a lot of like,

I'm gonna shit in your fucking mouth and make you fucking eat it. That rules. Like that type of shit? Ah, fuck, I got to pay money to read this story about him taking shits on women. See what they did to you. You call your wife and be like,

honey, can I have the credit card? Can I put this on the company card? It's for work. Yeah, I guess he did. He pooped on people, which isn't very nice, but. It's crazy steroid shit. And it's actually, it's actually, yeah. Bricks.

It's just insane shit. Shits with biceps. Imagine you're under a glass coffee table, completely naked, and Vincent Vann starts doing that walk over to you. Just nude about, full of shit. Stomach protruding, full of shit he's been saving up. And apparently that's one of the nicest things

he's done in his life, is shit in another woman's mouth and make her eat it. Pretty horrible guy. I guess you earn the right after a certain point. He's such an incredible entertainer though. He is. He is entertainment. Just incredible. That Mr. McMahon documentary, have you been watching that?

Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. What? This, I, ah fuck, hold on. Stags it right there. Look right here, can you guys see this? Grant, who previously received a payout from McMahon,

said McMahon defecated on her during a threesome in 2020 when he was like 71 years old, and then commanded her to continue pleasuring his friend with feces in her hair and running down her back while McMahon went to the bathroom to shower off. Upon his return from the bathroom, McMahon and his friend actively resumed the free-sum,

which lasted over an hour and a half while Miss Grant remained covered in McMahon's filth. Now, how do you sue someone for that? Like, what are the charges? I don't understand. Is she saying she didn't consent to being covered in shit and fucking him? Is that her thing?

Well, I don't know. I mean, once you, did they have a safe word set up? I don't really understand. It sounds like another woman that just wants money. I do love the idea. So it's just like another liar to me. I do love the idea of you're in a threesome with a celebrity and then all of a sudden

you just, you're like, what smells so bad? And you look up from getting your pussy eaten and you see that's. Man pulling a turn. Like pulling a long turn out of his ass, like it's a sword. Yeah. Yeah. Like Merlin and the stone.

Yeah, like he pulls it out, and then he raises it like He-Man to the sky. And then he just slowly shoves it in your mouth. He slits your throat with it. A big ass shit. With a sharp turn. That'd be awesome. And then he sheets it back in his ass.

He slits your throat and he goes, shh, shh, just let it happen. Let it happen. It's fine now. It's fine. It's all over. That kicks ass, man. I know, he's been sued over this like ten different times they were talking about. Mm-hmm. That kicks ass, man. I know he's been sued over this like 10 different times

they were talking about, not the shit specifically, but you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the clip of him saying the N-word on WWE, right Ben? Yeah, yeah. In front of Booker T. It's Cannon.

Mm-hmm, it's Nick Cannon. Yeah. No, I have seen that though, it's good shit. Wait, McMahon says it? I thought Booker T said it. Yeah, there's a, seen that though. It's good shit. No one got a Mac. No one got a Mac. Yeah, no one got a Mac. Yeah, there's a, no, no, no. So Booker T said it like in the 90s

where he goes, Hulk Hogan. And they call him the N-word. And then they did a call back to that in like 2010 where Vince McMahon's walking by Booker T and he goes, what's up, Ma? And then he says it. Oh yeah. And then Booker T's like, he can't,

did he just do that? It's but it's a it's an okay Classic mid-2000 stuff what an era What legends legends when legends were made can we can we go over to the patreon now so I can talk about this this? 550 pound black rapper that I found sure yeah, yeah I'm fucking dying to show you guys this guy And I haven't even really allowed myself to dig into him too much because I wanna explore him with you. Okay. Yeah, let's do it.

And then later tonight, we're gonna watch the Dodgers win the pennant. Yeah, the Dodgers play in like two hours, so we gotta. Yeah. Which I didn't know that's what the pennant was, was your side of the league. I thought the pennant was the World Series. No. I've heard old people

my whole life say pennant. I just thought they were like fucking retarded. I literally thought it was like you won nine games They give you a little flag yeah, yeah the little triangle flag goes on like a bicycle I'm gonna rape my whole And buy a house for a dollar and I went into penning and I'm gonna rape my whole life and buy a house for a dollar before I die in 1989. Watching the Berlin Wall go down.

Thinking my life was ultimately just ruled and objectively great the whole time. Living in a Hooverville, but you're like, they weren't in penning. They weren't inville, but you're like, they want their penny! They want their damn penny! We're gonna have sunflower soup tonight! Putting beans on the flag and making a burrito out of it. Yeah, got no flag, yeah, high flying flag. What's funny is in World War II,

the idea of family values then was a little bit different. So like some guys were dying for their right to assault their wife. Yeah, yeah, oh, Chris Benoit would have loved World War II. They were the greatest generation. Yeah. I, dad, me and my buddies died face down in the mud so we could rape.

You know, hit them. The rest of our lives. It's that scene in Saving Private Rybury where he goes like, I just think about her tits, but he's like, I just think about those black eyes. It gets me through and I can't wait to get back. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Hex is dying and he goes, earn this,

rape your wife. Rape your own wife who had sex with you. And then Matt Davis just turns into an old man, and he's in the cemetery, he goes, tell me I raped you good. Just tell me I did it good, I'll pull out your hair. He specifies, he goes, rape your own wife. Your own wife who has sex with you. Don't be a cheater.

We don't cheat. We don't cheat. We rape our wives. We're the greatest generation. Rape your own wife. Rape your own damn wife. Yeah, they go, we have to save this man. Three of his brothers have died and will never get to rape their wives one day. Rape your own wife. Rape your own damn wife. Yeah, they go, we have to save this man.

Three of his brothers have died and will never get to rape their wives one day. He has to go back and rape there. He has to rape the widows. Yeah, show up, hand them the little triangle Dorito looking flag and then just drop his pants and then go to town. That's where so many women were for the war and like You know, we're doing so much work for them for the men over there. Yeah. Yeah. Oh Rosie the revenue

That's why she's given the fist bump. She went like three weeks without taking it Yeah, you Do it it means get raped by your husband That's what's fun for like wives of soldiers, the war never ends for the woman. The war is her life. Oh, her D-Day is the day he gets back. Those U-boat walls drop down, and she just has to march into her kitchen.

Dude, God bless those soldiers that make it home and everything. But I've been in some of those households, and it's rough. It is rough. And the woman's doing nothing wrong, but she lives in fear of him. Right, yeah. It's not really his fault either, by the way.

He's just seen some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now he has to go to 7-Eleven. Yeah. Sure, yeah. The fridge is full of dents from just kitchen quickies. Kitchen quickies. Yeah.

No, there's so much. She's just making eggs. He just wakes up hard and just bashes her head into the fridge. She's like, she's like, no, no, no, I'm horny, I'm into it. He goes, shut up! He bashes it in. Yeah. No, it is funny that there was many women who lived a life like they were Attila the Huns concubine

But it was 1965 in Cleveland, Ohio Yeah Anyway, you want to go over the picture? Yeah. Yeah one last thought I'm kind of excited about AI stuff because I just realized someone will have AI in the scene of Full Metal Jackal when private Pow kills himself But when he sits down on the toilet, he just starts taking a shit Yeah, I think but then he still blows his head off Because the shit's so sticky so sticky. I was thinking that soldiers in that scene

I was like it would be funny if you set daddy just an hour. Okay, Joker. I'm gonna blow this toilet Then our hammer is just going what did you eat, son? What the fuck did you eat? What the fuck did you eat? Did you eat an Indian man? You fuck. Oh, that is, by the way, I did want to talk about Kubrick because apparently his daughter's like a QAnon retard.

Did you know that? Yes, yes, yeah. But I don't, she tweeted that her father would have voted for Trump and loved Trump, which I don't, apparently he loved Ronald Reagan and he was a conservative. Yeah, he was a millionaire, it makes sense. It's not that crazy.

Yeah. How come everyone seemed like he was retarded though? He was really, it was only like a mathematical genius too, so maybe he would have thought Trump would have been better for business or something. Yeah, he also, he loved just researching stuff, staying in his library. So I'm sure he had some wacky theories Well, isn't he a Jew from Manhattan? Yeah, we don't have to play that montage of the of the 15 minutes of celebrities changing their names

That montage on Twitter that was like Shucky Green changed his name to Be Less Jewish, I'm like what? Well, Kubrick, all of his films, he seems to be fascinated with war, pedophilia, and he's rich, he's Jewish, he's from the East Coast. He's probably not a die-hard, loves Kamala and Tim Wall. I mean, that made sense to me. I don't fucking, I know the films are die-hard, like, loves Kamala and Tim Wall. I mean, that made sense to me.

I don't fucking, I know the films are anti-war, but I don't know. Yeah, he's probably, yeah, he's probably in the, you know, we know like Jewish Republicans and shit. She might have been saying that. Yeah, all of them. She might have been saying that she was going along with like how Trump didn't have wars.

So she's like, my dad would have voted for Trump because he would have thought he wouldn't have war. By the way, remember, I was trying to think the other day remember Aleppo? Remember when everyone was mad about Aleppo for two weeks? What was Aleppo? I forgot that. Was that when that place existed? Before we turn that into a Buc-E's? We basically have a new Constantinople every two weeks. We got to make a dirt road. We need these rocks. Bomb that dirt road. I remember Alex Jones getting mad

because Trump like bombed Syria or something and it wasn't Aleppo in there. I think Aleppo isn't Syria, yeah. You're Syrian, you should know motherfucker. I don't keep up with this shit so I don't know what's going on. I don't know what any of that area is. I don't really know if there's borders or anything

but I do know that they've had it. I do know they've had it too good for too long, and it's time somebody took them down a peg. Yes! The Middle East has been sitting pretty for far too long. They've had their day in the sun. And you know what?

Give them an uppercut. Finally, we give them a little sweet treat music. Somebody shove him around a little bit. Show him who's boss. So funny. To be like they've had it too good for too long. It's high time somebody took down the Middle East. Enough of the fat of the hog sweet treats.

The other thing I know about Siri is that Assad, he was the president, right? Yeah, the guy, he was the one using the gas, I think. Yeah, there's, he's like, the other thing I know about that is there was records, because his emails got leaked or whatever in deposition, and all his emails were just women emailing him to fuck him, and then him emailing his wife like,

oh, the stupid bitch wants to fuck me, because apparently he just loved his wife. Oh, wow. And he sent something like love letter emails to his wife just all day long. Amazing. Oh shit, I remembered it right. Trump announces strikes on Syria following suspected

chemical weapons attack by Assad forces and this was in 2018. So I'm not retarded. Haven't we been doing that for 20 years though? I don't know. I think Obama did that shit too. I haven't even been alive that long. I don't know.

I'm 16. I ride a dirt bike. I love Galaxy Gas. Skippity toilet, Riz. Double chump chocolate cookie. Dude, I forgot to tell you, so I was in Oakland and I was- Wait, did you see the Rizzler? I fucked the Rizzler.

No. You're on the lam. You molested the Rizzler. Yeah, the double chump chocolate cookie guy's after me. No, I was talking to one of my girlfriend's friends, and he's a teacher now, and he said that every kid in his class, they're like seven, they all say like what the gat, and like Riz,

and like skibbity toilet, and all, like they're into all that shit. They say what the sigma. Yeah, like the way we used to say LOL and stuff, and like WTS. I just thought that was, I was like, I didn't really think that, I thought, I thought retarded millennials were saying

that they said that and they didn't. No man, you need to spend more time around kids. They all speak like that. Yeah. It's just how it is. I don't think it's that retarded though, because people started saying like chill or cool or what's up. I actually love that they're saying that.

I think it does suck and is retarded, but it rules. A pedophile getting caught, I was like no, I'm just studying the lingo. Yeah, I'm kind of an entomologist, or whatever the thing is. What the gat? What the sigma? These kids have Riz.

Baby Gronk. Baby Gronk. Baby Gronk. Hillcrest Benoit's family. Yeah, this week on The Masked Singer, Baby Gronk and the Rizzler cage match to the death. We're five years away from that, I kind of think. Them fighting to the death.

We have battle bots with teen TikTok stars. Making them kill each other. They're in a big cage and we throw two chainsaws down, we're like, have at it. Then the Rizzler just slices baby Gronk in half and then goes. What's the scene at the end of the Conehead when he kills the Minotaur?

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, he shoots the wooden golf ball at him or whatever. Because I am against the painfotainment, as Dan Carlin calls it, the public executions where you gather the family around, you watch a man get hanged. So you go, there you go, son.

That's what happens to you if you steal a horse or marry a black woman. Yeah, pain-fotainment. Imagine your inside getting fucked by a big hard cock. That's pretty good. Yeah, I love Dan Carlin. I'm gay. I'm Dan Carlin and I'm going to fuck your ass.

But I will say, I'm against all that, but when I think about people fighting to the death and whatnot, the panslabyrinth thing kind of gets me going a little bit. If you're up, isn't that panslabyrinth? If you're up above and you're watching, there's a minotaur, Debbie, you know what I'm talking about? There's a minotaur beast. Yeah, it's not panslabyrinth, that's the Guillermo del Toro movie.

I'm sorry, what am I thinking? But there's a labyrinth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Icarus's dad built the labyrinth. I forget his fucking name. Because the king of Crete imprisoned them and made him build a labyrinth so he could hide his horrible,

retarded bull son inside of. What's the bull son's name? The Minotaur. He's just called the Minotaur? Yeah, they call him the Minotaur. Anyway, regardless, enough with this nerd shit over here. Right. We're talking about a big bull that runs upright

and he chases people through a maze and kills them. Yes, OK. Kind of like the maze at the end of Shining. Shining. Yeah. Yeah. That, if you put, if you started the Rizzler at one end of the maze and then the Minotaur at the other end.

And there's a pedophile in the middle. I sit down and I have my peanut M&Ms and a cherry coke and an Icy and maybe some nachos. And then this is, it's a maze that's so elaborate, it'll take them hours to find each other. But you get to see them like kinda, they're close on one side of the wall, and they're, the wizard's like, ah, ah, he's cracked, he's like fuck, fuck. He's like crying, he's one side of the wall. The Rizler's like, ah, ah, he's cracked, fuck, fuck.

He's like crying, he's trying to scale the wall and climb it, but he's too fat and he falls back down. Everyone's going, Gary. People are throwing rocks at him. We need that. And I go, I don't even know why I'm rooting for him to die, I love him. But it's just, who gives a shit?

The Rizler's being a coward right now. No, we need that. You give the Rizler a gun, though. We actually need that. I've been saying it's just, who gives a shit? The Rizler's being a coward right now. No, we need that. You give the Rizler a gun though. We actually need that, and I've been saying it for years that the voice should be we get the Chevron CEOs who have that lawyer in basically prisoner's arrest for three years for representing that Amazonian tribe, and they take those executives out

and they just blow their heads off with shotguns one by one, and that should be TV'm sick of people everyone talk shit about big oil and no one Why the fuck does nobody defend them? I feel like they're voiceless Why does anyone speak up for big oil? Should we be the only podcast that's pro big oil? I mean we would get a check for nine million dollars So yes, we're the only people that sell out pro big oil. Well, I mean, we would get a check for $9 million, so yes. We're the only people that sell out, but we don't get the money.

We're just that stupid. We're like pro roundup. Yeah. Chevron actually. We love chemicals and pesticides. Chevron actually sues us and gets our show shut down. We sell out and it ruins our lives. Anyway, patreon.com slash lemonparty.life, I think for the rest of the merch.

Is that right, Jase? Yes, yes, that's correct. lemonparty.life to see what we have in stock. Oh, and merch is coming out. There was like a bad... It should be by next... I'm sorry. Oh yeah, Jase, what happened? Can you explain?

I told the guys, the literary LA apparel sent our printers the wrong fucking shirt So they had to redo it. That's why everything got delayed. I apologize. Everything's been delayed. The merch teams told me Hopefully by next week everything should be in the mail. Yeah, so sorry Recording a week earlier recording a week early. So yeah, yes, we are. What's today, Sunday? Sunday, yeah. So it should be sent out when? So they know. They keep getting emails. It should be sent out, okay, so this is releasing Tuesday.

It should be sent out this week. Okay. And I'm responding to every email, once again, very sorry it took this long. It's been a fuck up with the clothing company. Yeah, we're using LA Apparel and that guy is he's fucking all the models. He was he raped so much.

He raped so much he got come drunk and he sent the wrong shirt. So give us give us some time. All right. Bye bye everybody. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girls. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, music would play and Polita would whirl. Blacker than night were the eyes of Polita, wicked and evil while casting a spell. I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a while young Calmore came in, Wild as the West Texas wind.