lemonparty - 108: Medal of Honor

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

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I I'm on that light beam, always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of these boys. Here, let me clean up. The joke. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. They're rolling. Hold on, let me clean this up.

Yeah, it's definitely you. Yeah, thanks for tidying it. Hold on, let me tidy up. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Dude, would you throw that out? It's been in here for three months. There's an old Red Bull that I've been sipping for months.

Ha ha ha. Every once in a while, when I get a little tired, I just say, oh, this is it. I'll keep like a Celsius in my car for like two weeks. I do think it gets better in the car. I kind of believe that. Especially when it's cold out in the weather and you're like, ooh, it's chilled.

I just look at it like it's like a little bottle of crack that I keep in my car, one sip. Yeah, I hit the pipe real quick. I'm like, okay, I can go to the job interview now. I'm a piece of shit. I used to leave, at least in the winter, I'd leave a coffee in my car. And I'd wake up and drink it again.

It's nice coffee now. Oh, I mean, during the most depressed years of my life, that old Corolla, I would spill coffee in it in the summer and then I would just leave it in the cup holder Like just two yeah cop. So yeah, it's like your car is a cop. Yeah, just a very big cop and it's slosh I would leave that for weeks. My uncle's days talks about his car. Like it's an old horse. He had to Just I just got a new car. I had to trade my old Corolla in. And I did.

And you've only ever had one car your whole life. It's my second car all time. And I was trading in and I was like, well, thanks for all the good times, old fella. And my car was just like, please kill me. Fucking kill me. Your car was the type of car you'd have to apologize to people before they got in.

That was the reason I finally got the new car is we went, me and my girlfriend went to Vegas and we were with some of her friends and I didn't realize I was having to drive the whole bridal party to another venue. And I had to be like, it's my first car. I have a lot of money. I can afford another car.

I'm just very good with my money. We don't believe you. Yeah, and I go, well fuck you, I'll buy one right now. I'll buy one, I don't need it. I won't even look at how much car insurance costs. When you live in an Asian community, I'm getting fucked in the ass on new car insurance because I live with Asians.

You give everyone a paddle and you roll the windows down and everyone has to kayak the car. Yeah, I have to give them N95s before they get in. And I go, all right, well, you, okay, smallest person sits on the mushroom growing in the middle seat. Dude, you're like a celebrity, like a high end, like you make women sign NDAs before you give them rides.

Yeah, yeah, no, giving someone a ride in that car was technically rape. You can accuse the sexual assault. You gave a woman a ride from like a Hollywood party. I gave a woman a hard zip. It went up their pussy. They claimed rape. She got a yeast infection from an old Pepsi bottle. Riding in my car.

No, it was, I had it for 17 years. 2007 Toyota Corolla. Looked like shit. Cheers. I gave it back. You guys want me to turn the AC off by the way? I had it on in here. I'm fine right now.

I was building this new damn shit down here. It's a little, it's cold, but I'm fine. I kinda like it cold though. Okay. Whatever. I'm on my second butcher. I'm getting fucked up on my chocolate milk Yeah that I love but now I trade and it was really sad They clearly the guy clearly gets commissioned from the trade-in cuz I was like

He's like how much you want to trade that in for I was like, oh you you don't like it's not street legal I've the registrations been out for two years because yeah, has an oil leak. It won't pass smog. And then he was like, yeah, I was like, you can look at it if you want. And he's looking, there's like old fucking blue true rappers and like spit and calm on the fucking four boards. And he was like, where's the back two four boards?

I was like, I don't know. He did, he literally, but he gets the commission. So he's like, I'll give you like 700 for it And then he he goes do you have the title and I go I don't know yeah I didn't have a title when I gave mine away. I know he's like can you check I go It's not gonna be there. I don't know where I don't care the guy the foes like you have the title I was like the fuck's a title Yeah, it's a Toyota Corolla

Registration insurance I don't even know where my time dude Yeah, it's a Toyota Corolla dumbass. All I know is I'm supposed to have my registration insurance. I didn't even know where my title was. Dude, I was bombing. You know, you expect a car salesman to be all like. Yeah, no. This guy's just looking at you blank face. Glu gave me blank face. I signed the check.

I paid off like half and then I wrote the check down. I was with Kelly and I was writing. I go, huh, that's a lot of zeros, huh? And he just stone faced, I'm bombing. Yeah. Doesn a lot of zeros, huh? And he's just stone-faced, I'm bombing. Doesn't give me a second. Because he doesn't want you to think about the amount of money that they take from people. What did your uncle Stan do?

Well, he has dogs, so he pours just water in the cup holders, so there's just little lakes. So the dog's drinking? There's just little lakes in his car. There's just ponds all over his car. And you'll get in like weeks later and there's just dog hair and mosquitoes in the car. He's going what, cocksucker?

There's like algae, like there's lily pads in the cup holders. Yeah, he's like, that's a biome, cocksucker, fuck you. As a tadpole, this car's riddled with frogs. I've got, calling the services, I've got frogs in my car. The car's lousy with frogs. Fuck you. Fuck you. I've got frogs in my-

Fuck you, faggot. I've got frogs in my catalytic converter. Fuck you. I'm the reason the frogs are turning gay. I fuck the- I fuck them, Jack. I take the frogs in my backseat, I do a little paradise by the dashboard light. What if you were the reason- I fuck to frogs. I fuck them, Jack. I take the frogs in my backseat, I do a little paradise by the dashboard light.

What if you were the reason? I fuck toads, Jack. Me, I fuck frogs, Jack. Big get down to the bottom of it, Devin's uncle is turning the frogs gay, actually. It's not the Altrezine or the fluoride or whatever. It's my documents, Devin's uncle is fucking frogs. He's fucking the shit out of frogs.

Each and every frog, one by one, he's turning gay by fucking him. That means he's fucking him so good that the frogs are like, well I gotta have more dick in my ass. Oh I'm aware. Yeah.

Oh he's fucking him really good. What does that mean by the way turning the frogs, like I know that's true, but does that mean frogs are sucking cock and getting fucked in the ass? Same as when a cat gets AIDS, what the fuck is your cat up to? That fucking rabid queer cat, what is going on? Cats in a bath house. What is your cat up to? That fucking rabid queer cat.

What is going on? Cat's in a bath house with like fucking pierced nipple bars. He's like my cat has AIDS. I'm like your cat's a fucking whore. Your cat's a gross gay whore. Yeah, your cat's got like Vito Spadafore's outfit and just going, meh. Your cat's just like dressing with the village people

and going out to like pick tacos. Yeah, like doing up, The cat's dressing with the village people and going out to like, pink tacos. Yeah, so you have smoke, like doing up, your cat's doing a popper and then getting ass raped in a pipe in the Lower East Side. Truly never understood that, how the fuck your cat's getting AIDS? Yeah. What is that mean?

Cats are little demons, they have hooked penises too. Oh, they're sick. They have little knives on their penises. Yep. They're sick, please. They fuck like that guy in Seven. Yeah. The guy that Kevin Spacey makes put the knife on is a yes That's how they fuck that's how they have sex their bug chasers I think I think they want to cut the ass up to get more aid from it

They love they literally chase bugs to anything bugs. Yeah, they do I think bugs chase bugs. Yeah, they do chase bugs. They chase bugs. Yeah, they do. They think bugs are AIDS. Has anyone ever done a laser pointer thing where they put it on their asshole? They point it at a mirror and it hits their ass,

so the cat, the cat's kind of fisting their ass. Rips their ass to pieces. Well, a cat would jump up and kind of just hit you right on the ass and you go, nice. Yeah. That's what I wanted. I love how the guy comes from a cat going, and then just doing that rapid punch that they do. Nice. Yeah. That's what I wanted. I love, I'm the guy who comes from a cat going, and then just doing that rap and punch that they do.

Nice. Yeah, cats are fucking retarded. The frogs are becoming trans, basically. Transgender. Because there's stuff in the water that- Because they go to private schools, and they learn this type of thing. The frogs are-

And many people think they're gay, but they're actually just Jewish men who are very. It's Dwayne Wade's frog. Yeah. That frog was at the statue unveiling. Yeah. Yeah, the frogs are gay and shit. And then they can't reproduce

because of their lower levels of something. It's true. It makes them trans, basically. It is true. It makes them trace basically It's actually like whole populations of frogs will just they just die off basically they they don't want to fuck anymore It's sad well, they're they're perverts and they want to get into the women's bathroom They're trying because they're trying to molest tadpoles because they're trained Yeah, they're sick freaks that want to molest women in the bathroom. Well. They have The frogs are faking. The frogs are faking being gay and trans.

Yeah the frogs are going woo hoo. We can't wait to rape somebody in the girls bathroom. But I'd be so fucking pit. Like you know that birds movie by Hitchcock. If they made that about frogs, now I'm scared. Damn yeah. Cause their tongues, they could rape every woman. Yeah. Like that, you've just, you got raped and you have no idea. I'm scared because their tongues they could they could rape every woman. Yeah

Like that you just you got raped and you have no idea their tongue shot across Yeah, just fucking rim job right all over town They're roofing women. Yeah Just like that. Just like that. Rap it. Rap it. Rap it. Rap it. Rap it.

Rap it. They're gay rapists. They're gay rapists. Which are all. They have to be stocked. All rapists. All men, they'd get raped. It's a gay rapist.

That's right. I buy. Well that is true, yeah, right? Yeah. Early spot, yeah. I've been taking more fluoride. Yeah, you gotta stock up. I gotta stock up right now.

You gotta stock up. You're trying to get my levels way up. Take the xanthan gum from my cold dead hands, you frog-voiced faggot. Well, you know when someone goes off of Benzos and they die? I'm afraid I'm gonna have that with xanthan gum or something. Yeah. You're gonna be like, walk the line. They're running and putting blankets on you.

You have a seizure because you haven't had red dye. This one's gonna be like walk the line. They're running and putting blankets on you This boy is burning up Get a blanket get these blankets off of this boy Supposedly RFK only had a couple bites of meat from that from the burger and then he like threw the rest away He looked horrified. I've heard him He hates Trump's died. Yeah, it looked horrified. I've heard him mention how much he hates Trump's death. It makes sense. No, it looked like you got Kod jacking off on the plane.

You were like, ooh. You know the pictures of Clinton with the, like a lady on like Epstein's plane or whatever? That's his version of it, just him holding a McDonald's. You're like, mm-hmm. Yeah, big order though for RFK. He got the nuggets, he got the burger, he got the fries. It's maybe his last dance, you know?

He's like, we're gonna get. That's right, the last dance. One last bang bang before he rides off into the sunset. Yeah. It's so funny. With McDonald's, you can do like an Irish Car Bomb with like a shot of Sprite. I drop a shot of Sprite in my Dr. Pepper and I chug it.

Like I'm doing an Irish Car Bomb at the bar. It's like sizzling on foam everywhere. You're sitting next to a bunch of steel workers. If you don't drink your soda fast enough, it curdles. Why don't they have fat nightclubs? Like a lady walking around who's like mildly attractive and it's not Jell-O shots, she just has like different sauce

Gravy shots There's a long line the bar guys like can I get a ham Christmas ham you get all fucked up like a one steak sauce and then rape a woman at the pinball machine The so then rape a woman at the pinball machine. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of roofies, you just drop a Jolly Rancher in a drink and she goes into a diabetic coma. Fuck the shit out of her. Imagine there's all these skinny, hot ass people that can't get into the nightclub outside.

They really wanna get in to hang out with all the fatties. But they can't get in. Yeah. It's sorry, you had your chance. Right, yeah, it's like. You had your chance to fuck a fatty. And you never did. It's hot models had your chance right? Yeah, it's it's like I had your chance to fuck a fatty It's a you never did it's hot models like waiting and they're freezing and then the two twins from the Guinness World Records Ride up in their motorcycles and waltz right in right this way sir. Yeah. Oh, sir

Would you like our fattest VIP section? I kind of want to like The idea of marrying a stripper seems really fucking cool to me. And I just watched a Nora with my wife, which she hated. Yeah, well, she's a woman, and I wouldn't expect that. They can't appreciate falling in love with a stripper the way a guy can. They're people to.

Unfortunately. But Nora's amazing. Nora's a great film. Nora's fantastic. Now I'm just thinking about. Fuck, just. Getting a it fantastic. It's great. Now I'm just thinking about. Fuck. Getting a hooker? Yeah, getting a hooker.

You know I just ordered McDonald's without my wife knowing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if I did that but with pussy? You're ordering McDonald's on Backpage. You're meeting up at a Motel 6. You're like, all right. Looking for a room.

Just being like, are you clean? You're clean, right? You get raided. Yeah, but he has to put a condom on his mouth so she doesn't feel the taste. I'd have to put a dental dam on, like when you go to the dentist, a dental dam, so it's not definitely touching my tongue.

Right, so she can't smell the seed oil on your Juicy lips exactly afterwards where protect yeah, you're you're trying to throw you come home You're trying to throw your a button-down shirt in the laundry because it's got a gravy stains on it Got a little ketchup around the collar Would you guys not want to like marry a hooker? Doesn't that sound awesome? It depends on the type of hooker. I think I get it work It would probably work, actually.

Mario. I think so. Yeah. Because if you guys just want to do like drugs and get fucked up all the time, I mean, you have that in common at least. Some couples, I mean, they don't really have any much. You know, she's great at fucking.

So there's that as well. Thank you, Jay. He's very good at sex. All of your friends will bully you until you hang yourself in your garage one day, but outside of it It's a self-sustaining system to you go fuck. We're out of money. Oh, yeah, just do You go fuck nine guys tonight, and we'll have like 12 lovely 10 grand. Mm-hmm dinners on me You always have job security. You could just start sucking people clean if you're hot. Yeah, you could become yeah

I guess some hookers technically could be bad at fucking but I don't yeah just start sucking people clean. If you're hot, yeah. You could become her pimp. I guess some hookers technically could be bad at fucking, but I don't know. I can't really envision that. How much does the hot hooker cost versus the ugly fucked up hooker, do you know? So pussy's kind of a- Explain it in Wolf of Wall Street kind of,

I think it's like, you know, I think it's like 500 to 1,000 for like, hot one, like escort good ones, and then you're like street lady, but like maybe okay is like 200. And then like you're gonna dive AIDS is like 100. Yeah, there's like a 50 bucks on a coupon for a free skirpy.

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Average price of pussy in the United States. Yeah, you probably gotta type it up. I mean, I don't know. Proof, maybe prostitute. I don't know, so yeah, that's gonna bring anything up. Average price of pussy on Google. Did you go to blackgoogle.com? I went to Axe Jeeves.

Axe Jeeves. Very good. Very good, very good. Very good. So the average price, oh, it's ranked by nation. The United States is sixth. Why does Israel come up? Israel is seventh.

Well, I think we know why Israel comes up. Because they are pornographers. But the United States is sixth and its average rate is 250 an hour. Oh, Israel comes up because we're not specifying age. Right. Can I, what country do you guys want me to look up next? Look up, uh. Because it's a universal thing.

It's like 250 for pussy. I've heard people say, you know, like Mexico, it's like 40 bucks for like a hot woman in one of those places. I've seen, yeah, I think that's trafficking. I've seen a video. Is it? It's all trafficking. Oh, OK. Yeah, it's trafficking I've seen

Yeah, you're like a nerd, okay, this guy's wanna fuck a slave I think Price of pussy is pretty much the same everywhere though, but it's gotta be cheaper other places, it must be, right? That's why guys go to like Thailand. Shit, I think. Thailand, yeah. Yeah, Thailand I think is like crazy.

Well the women there, they have a thrill of it. The Dominican Republic I believe, people go to the DR. Right, and you can throw a baseball at a woman's pussy in the DR. Yeah, they do like Disneyland trips in the Dominican Republic, but for prostitution. You stay at, you know the people that get the hotel at Disneyland, and they stay the whole weekend?

It's like that, but the whole time, you're at a pool drinking a pina colada, and everyone's just, people are just getting fucked around you all by the pool. You go to the breakfast bar, there's pancakes shaped like women's asses and pussies. Tom and Bunny style. Tom, yeah, exactly, Tom and Bunny.

The great Tom and Bunny. Which is very funny in Vegas, or like in Nevada, apparently it's only technically legal in like one little radius of like land. Yeah, in Vegas specifically, right? For sex tourism? In Nevada, there's only one place where it's technically legal prostitution, I believe.

Where it's the, where the... Mandalay Bay. Mandalay Bay. It's, yep. No, it's the one, remember they had that show on HBO? Oh, the Bunny Ranch. Cat House, Mangles, or the... The Bunny Ranch.

Yeah, the Bunny Ranch. And that was one of those shows that really pulled the wool over your eyes as a kid. You thought you were getting into some really cool shit. You were like, hell yeah and that was it was one of those shows that really pulled the wool over your eyes as a kid You thought you thought you were getting into some really cool shit. You're like, oh, yeah It was very dark just scosting and fat guys I remember we would yeah I remember like being like 10 and like peeking at that and then it's like it was like a biker with a handlebar mustache Like like fucking the shit out of a very sad method. Yeah

It's legal in Nevada, but only in certain counties, yeah. Oh, so you have like dry and wet counties, but for the pussy you're buying? But it is crazy, because it's constantly happening in Vegas. It's not legal, but it's like medical weed or something. There's like a loophole. Yeah, is there a shot? Because I was just in Vegas.

I didn't see any hookers walking around. The last time I was in Vegas was a decade ago and It was obvious like when you're at the when you're at the slots and shit There's just women going sitting next to people. I'm talking them up. Well, I think I was just right. We were on Fremont Street I was distracted from trying to stop old black guys from fucking my girlfriend while I was walking down Fremont It was kind of insane, actually. I've seen videos of brothers, they're about to fuck crackheads in the back of pickups. And they're like, woo!

They like pull their britches down, they go, woo, that shit's stinging! And then they pull their pants up and they're like, I ain't gonna fuck her! And then the lady comes up out of it and she looks like a, it's kind of like a tarantula if you cut it in half. And it started like, in a...

Yeah, her arms are folded up into her torso. I hang out with a lot of, when I go to John's bar, I haven't gone in a long time, but when I used to, you always wind up just sitting next to really interesting street people. Soft white underbelly people. I made friends with a black guy named Smitty, who's living in public housing,

but he had this idea that he was gonna go to Paris and be a singer, and he was cool. And the drunker he got, the more openly he would talk about, like, he was sitting next to this crackhead woman one time, and he was talking her up a little bit, and then she'd go to the bathroom, and he'd look over at me, and he'd go, I'm a fucker in the ass.

I also heard her, she was on the phone, I heard her go like, I heard her at the bar, she heard her to Michelob Ultra with ice. She asked John for ice and John's like, huh? And then she was like, you know why I do that? And John and I were both like, why? She was like, cause it hydrates me. The water, the ice melts, baby.

The ice, I refuse to drink water, that's some crackin' shit. We were like, okay. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go fuck Hunter Biden. I'm gonna go smoke crack and fuck the president's son. Do you know where that thing where Joe Rogan floats is at? I gotta fuck Hunter Biden there. So then.

See she's on the phone after that and I hear her go, well if he got shot, he probably deserved it. I swear to God, I swear to God she said this. Is she wrong? And then she gets off the phone. She gets off the phone and then Smitty starts talking her up trying to fuck her, hammered.

And I hear Smitty ask her a question about how her day's going, she goes, not too good, she goes, my son died today. I swear on my mom, this is true, I sat there like, this is unbelievable, and then they left together and I think he fucked her. In the bathroom or something. It's like leaving Las Vegas over there.

Dude, imagine you're her son and you're your ghost for your first day and you see your mom getting fucked by a guy, Grand Central. You leave your body and you hover and you go, where's mom, I hope mom is okay. You go to your mom and she's drinking a Michelob Ultra with ice, getting fucked by a man named Smitty and she doesn't, she literally just goes,

my son died today. My son died today but I am hydrated and my pussy is full. You know, my mom's a retarded whore. No reason I got shot. Jesus Christ. That's brutal. I tried to find the video of that crackhead,

those two brothers that were gonna run a train on a crackhead in the back of a pickup and Then they said no because it was too stinky. Yeah. Yeah, I looked it up. Literally all that came up is just a hunter Biden Yeah, which is so funny. Mm-hmm He I mean to for years he will be known as the crackhead guy like when yeah when people think about crack They will just think about him. Yeah, like that is kind of cool to be a white guy that took crack back Yeah rules crack was always just a yeah. I always thought of the Chappelle show the crackhead. Yeah, yeah, Tyrone bigums. Yeah, Tyrone bigums. Now they just think of a white guy

He's kind of the Jackie Robinson of crack from Delaware. The Jackie Robinson of Crack the Pack. Yeah, we judge if I crack. Yes! It's awesome. No, he, I mean, imagine smoking crack for a decade and then you stop doing it for five days and then Mark Maron's interviewing you

about your book that you just wrote. Did Mark Maron talk to him? Yeah, he was on, Hunter Biden was on WTF. What? Yes, with Mark Maron. Are you serious? I swear to God. How long ago was this. I'm almost positive

This was a real thing that mark I mean I can look at a hunter Biden WTF Because you know mark Mirren's a classic lib which none of us are that's insane. Oh 2021 Jace this was this was this was before this is before he smoked a bunch of crack Just finally right first time for the first time. For the first time at age 61. Jay Z, he hadn't gotten into crack yet. He was only 53.

What were you saying? Wow, that's crazy. They're talking about it on R slash Mark Maron. Yeah, play a clip of this. You don't think he won't come after us? I mean, he's a damn man. It's like, do we have a thing? Yeah.

You know, we fucked the same crackcore in Boston. I remember you with the comedy connection. It was you, me, Louie, David Tell. And we all killed that same whore. Damn, that's, I never say that out loud. I think he wrote some stupid, retarded ass book about doing nothing with your life and Fail signing into getting us into the Ukraine war and Maren was interviewing him about the book

Yeah, I don't really give a fuck about that because politics is gay shit and losers I'm trying to find the two black guys I'm trying to find the Fuck the crackhead and the back of the pickup. We gotta stop the steal folks. We gotta stop the steal. Hey, MAGA, make America great again. Devin, yes! Stop the steal!

Hmm. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Devin, go, do you like Reddit, Devin? They're trying to stop, they're trying to steal this damn election from, I'm the guy that doesn't know what year it is. The Dominion voting machines are faulty, we woke up, all the votes, all of a sudden,

all of a sudden he's up. Very good. Meanwhile Hillary Clinton is nowhere to be found. No, no, Hillary's Hufflepuff. Hillary's Hufflepuff, Trump is slithering. Slithering. But I'm slithering because I'm a bad boy. Because politics is not Reddit.

Dude, this shit was like Game of Thrones this year for real. For real, for real. It was like fucking games of thrones. And then Trump the Dragon came in. Yes! Cersei. I don't know anything about this show. All I know is, r-o-b-, our OBGYN told me the most common name

she is seeing are from Game of Thrones. Yeah. Is the girl that fucks her brother with the white hair. Jason, did you see the show? The show's supposed to be good, actually. I just haven't seen it. I was literally about to say Dishiki, but I know that's not right.

It's Dishiki. Dishiki, the mother of dragons's not right. Dishiki. Dishiki, the mother of dragons. Daenerys or something like that? I think it's Xerxes. Xerxes? Xerxes, that's from the guy from 300. I don't know. I know Game of Thrones is a very good show, but I watched the first three episodes and I thought it was great,

and then I just stopped because I don't usually like shit like that, and then I checked back in one time and then a dragon came out of nowhere and saved the day and I was like yeah Who's who's a chick that like fucked her brother? I'm trying to narrate denari's denari's Targaryen Yeah, that's how you say it. I don't know yeah, I watch right there Emilia Clarke Yeah, Emilia Clarke one lady with the eyebrows plays know man. Yeah, I watch that's right there. Amelia Clark. Yeah, Amelia Clark Lady with the eyebrows plays her. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that was it. I forget I thought of something else So it's so there did you ask there's a midget named Tyrone and yeah, it's Peter Dinklage. That's it. Tyrion Tyrion not not Tyrone

Tyrone Yes What's up, brother? Did you ask her what race of people are naming their children denarius? Because that seems insane to name your white baby Denarius Targaryen It sounds like a black Armenian in the area star Gary it does yeah I think people were saying sir I think she told me sir see was the name That makes sense okay. I think she was the evil queen or whatever. I watched the first season

I didn't watch a single thing then I watched the last episode and I heard was like the worst it was really The tits are just fucking bussing the tits of dynamite. I know that Amelia Clark lady She gets penetrated by Jason Momoa. Yeah, he was Filming IDF videos with Jack Black For a living. His breakout role was on Game of Thrones. Yeah, that's right. Jack Black, by the way, Will Ferrell has retired from being Satan's little helper.

And who picked up the torch but Jack Black, who's been a Satanist this whole time. I don't know if you guys saw this, but it's a big story in Hollywood. What's he up to, what's he doing? I'll show you right now. Okay, alright. I thought you were about to pull your cock out for some reason. And I can play this for promotional purposes. It's Jack Black's new movie, everybody. Oh yeah, I think I... You won't hear about this in the papers, by the way.

I love Jack Black. Oh, is this the Satan Santa movie? I'm sorry, Devin, but. Dear Santa. When a kid says I'm the Santa Santa. It's a long way to the top if you want to sell your soul. Is a crappy speller. This looks like fun. Hehehehe.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa. Epic. Oh, that's huge. Thank you. What do you want? Hehehehe Hey, hey, hey, hey Whoa, epic That's huge, Red Thank you What do you want? You summoned me Not what I was expecting This is for children?

What do you expect? In the movies, the reindeer usually have the antlers, not you Kid, are you high? I'm ready for kid Hell, dude, that's so raunchy Wait, if he's actually Satan, shouldn't he just like, he pulls out a gay guy and shoots him in the head in front of the child? Yeah, they should do biblically accurate Satan.

Isn't he Satan? Yeah, yeah. Where he's like, this priest molested a child. Do you wanna rape him in front of me? As revenge, cause I'm Satan. I mean, it is kind of a crazy, I'm not even a religious guy anymore, it is kind of crazy to have Satan in a children's movie.

That does like almost make me a humiliation ritual. What does that tell you about Hollywood? That like people are hesitant to play like Hitler. Yeah. Because it's like a stain on their career, then they'll be typecast. There were probably nine, Will Ferrell probably would have

killed the Jack Black to play the devil in this movie. This Paramount Plus movie where you get to play the devil. Where he's like, it's like, but it's doing this weird thing where they're like, isn't the devil like fun? Isn't the devil like kinda like way cooler than God? Actually. The devil's kinda like a Chungus. Yeah.

Do you think about, there's an old Jewish guy, there's an old Jewish guy at a pitch meeting at Walmart going, we need more Chungus. My nephew told me about Chungus, can we do a movie on that? No dude, they made the devil like very Reddit. They're trying to be like a bad Santa, but it's literally Satan. Yeah, but it's like a bad Santa, but it's literally Satan.

Yeah, but it's also a kids movie, so he's not like fucking strippers in their ass and stuff. Yeah, he's not actually the devil. He's not throwing up and kicking midgets in the penis and stuff. Yeah, typical devil stuff. It's none of that. Typical devil shit.

Well, you're saying bad Santa, it's not like bad Santa. Dude, Satan's a little stinker. All these ding dong ditching. High towering old women, putting the flaming poop on the doorstep, that's Satan, guys. He should be like, I guess giving the kid cancer though. If he's actually the devil, he should come back. He's giving him tumors all over his body.

He's like, I read your letter and I've actually, I've given your mom AIDS because she was raped by a black person because I'm racist, I'm the devil. Are you putting this on the screen? And we're not allowed to watch this. No, we can't because it's promotional. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, it should be fine.

You can watch trailers, I think. You can? I feel like I've got a trouble, yeah. All right. Big times, I'm way better than Santa. Ho, ho, frickin' ho. You home you my friend are getting three wishes they stole that from me by the way after you make your wishes I'm taking your soul yeah never had a friend like me okay that I may have stolen from Aladdin now

we're even yeah he is actually the thing that's a heckin epic Satan so awesome god damn it that devil rules You know apparently my friends see Jack Black walking around all the time in like Echo Park He looks like a Maine coon cat He does yeah, he looks like a Ben and Jerry's cat yeah, just walking down the new I'm with a giant tie-dye shirt on. I've seen him a lot. Or he wears the flame shorts and the flame shirt. I see that too.

I've seen him in the flame, yeah, exactly. I used to deliver him Moon Juice. What's Moon Juice? Just a really, one of the gayest places in L.A. Just sells like bullshit drinks that are like supposed to be healthy. And they're filled with like activated almond milk and adaptogenic, whatever the fuck. So you drinks one of those in the morning door dash

And then yeah, it's a whole cheesecake. Yes exactly Counteracts the cheese. He goes. I don't know I went on a mile walking looked gay as shit I don't know why I don't lose the weight and he wants you to think that he's Drinking the mute moon juice Did you see him when you really do the moon? Yeah, he answered the door and grabbed it from me Did he do like Jack Blackie like Like a cake and stuff. He was normal and I was like I'm I was a you know I love Jack like School of Rocks one of my favorite movies

Yeah, I did love them back in the day until they refused to I did love them back in the day until they refused to Renounce Israel and Donald Trump. No, I actually I love it. I love a tenacious day. Yeah, they fucking A lot is a kid. This is a tribute Before basketball games in seventh grade, I had it on a CD. We had the same. And I would run around the locker room and sing every single one. We had the same CD that my friend Hayden sneaked to us that had a tribute by Tenacious D and it had like five South Park songs on it.

It had Hanky the Christmas Poo, which we didn't even know what South Park was. It had Chef's Chocolate Balls. I didn't know what it was about, but I was like. Matt Foley Van Down By A River. Yeah, yeah. It had SNL sketches on it. It had SNL sketches just audio format, and we would listen to it,

and I would think that the devil would whip me in hell for listening to chef's salty chocolate balls. This has been Jack Black's thing for a long time, doing deals with the devil, getting real cozy with the devil. Sure. And then when it push comes to shove, oh, Kyle Gass makes a joke about Donald Trump

getting shot and killed, and he leaves him high and dry. I actually didn't believe that, that wasn't because, I think they ended that tour because I feel like their insurance rates must have gone through the roof after that, in terms of security. That is what I heard, is that every venue canceled on them because of that. They canceled because they're like, well, somebody's going to try and kill Kyle Gass.

Right. They just walk out. It was Kyle Gass. He didn't care if someone tried to kill him. The gayest Mark David Chapman alive is out there. He was to kill Kyle Gass. Kyle Gass was assassinated with a needle full of a cholesterol today. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Yeah, I mean, I think they got back together though. I think Jack Black is a good guy. He fucking pisses me the fuck off. He pisses me the fuck off, I know. I don't wanna be mad, I don't wanna be the angry guy on the show. Look, I had a five milligram edible the other day, and I've turned a new leaf you did have a you your brain turned inside of itself And late at night after you accidentally had an ad that is crazy, which we'll get to yeah, okay

We'll get to it. I have a bone to pick with tenacious D The group Kyle I used to watch so by the way I used to watch the the what was the time? Sketch that they made the the time Goblin I don't Vaguely, I remember that it was Kyle gas and Jack Black and their time travelers Yeah, I think I think it was from their HBO show I think Dan Harmon's has something to do with it. Sure. Dan Harmon was just around just raping staff writers Was probably there. That's his process. Yeah.

And to that end. Dan Harmon's like, I can write semi-okay comedy, I will rape everybody in the writers' room. It's the funniest thing, still. I rewatch it, it holds up. Jack Black time sketch. I liked the pick of Destiny a lot as a kid. I thought it was pretty funny.

Fuck. Time goblin, he gobbles time. You know what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah this time fixers This I do this yeah Yeah. Hmm. He teaches me, he teaches me. Yes. And when I've learned all of his lessons, then I'll know the ancient secrets of his era. They're playing Harman, yup. I'm not lying.

You suck. Ah! Thank you. We are Tenacious D. Okay, so this was the coolest shit to me of all time. And I had this thing, I watched this maybe a thousand times on my iPod Classic. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the size of a postage stamp.

And we would take turns watching pornography on it. No, we wouldn't. But we would download everything we could off of iTunes basically So I do like I love I love Jack Black. He fucking rolls. He pisses me the fire so I listened to him on a team Coco Conan O'Brien's yeah Conan's I mean the go I don't care. I don't care who you I agree

He's genuinely one of the greatest of all time. Mm-hmm more of a Jimmy Kimmel guy, but he's good Jimmy Kimmel, I'm a Seth Meyers guy. Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel Jimmy Kimmel just cries like nobody in the business He's like he's like a method actor with that shit I'm more of an amber ruffin guy You just love marionettes. You have black people who look like marionettes and who also are puppets for the entertainment industry. Me and Devin, we used to butt heads. He loved Amber Ruffin, I loved Lilly Singh.

Yeah, we used to go at it. We used to go at it. We'd share our favorite clips. Is Lilly Singh even alive anymore? What happened to her? What happened to Lilly Singh? She died. Yeah, they fed her to Harvey Weinstein in prison.

Like in Star Wars when there's that big monster that tries to kill Luke Skywalker. She was truly one of the worst I've ever seen. One of the worst to ever do it. One of the worst to ever fucking do it. I think she would've got the hang of it. You think she needs more time? She's, come on, she's nervous.

Give her 80, 90 years, she'll figure it out. It's the early days. Give her 30 years. Come on, this is how legends are made. Carson wasn't a king the first couple years. Exactly. And Lily's a woman, so she needs much longer. The thing with Jack Black though, so I listened to him on team Coco

Yeah, he does this fucking thing where every other word he mispronounces On purpose on purpose. Yeah, and he won't stop fucking doing it. I Won't stop doing it. He's a table. He's like a top law and you go ah As you're listening to it, yeah He called the table, he's like a tableau. And you go, ah! Ah! As you're listening to it. Yeah, Conan's doing that. I listened to 30 minutes of it,

I thought I had appendicitis at the end of it. I went to Cedars-Sinai, I'm like, I don't know. He's so. I listened to a really bad podcast for some reason. They go, Jack Black on Team Coco? You go, yeah. You know what, if I put this cup on the table? Yeah.

Ooh, God, that sucks my ass. He goes, so where was I? Yes or no? I was, huh. Like he does that bullshit. Why? You go, ah! He doesn't, ah!

He's just, no, he's. I love Jack Black! He has too much I'm quirky. Yeah. I swear, you have to call it like big Chungus type of energy. Dude, as soon as COVID happened, he started making TikToks of him dressing up as Spider-Man

and running through sprinklies in his backyard. He started a gaming channel on YouTube. He was one of those guys like making bread and shit. Yes, it's very sad. What I like about Jack Black is he actually, every performance he gives, he empties his entire spirit. It takes everything in his body to give us Jack Black, but at the end of the day, there's nothing left,

and I don't wanna see what that nothing is. And when he's doing podcasts, there's no script. He doesn't have anything to say. No, he's an empty cistern. The well has run dry. And may a writer fill it with water. And we'll dip our buckets. But until that day, and now it's just,

what does he have to say, really? Now that he's a legend, he's done it all, what does he have to say? It's that he fucking loves the devil. Yeah, he has to say, give me money, please. Give me more. That's the thing, he's a great actor, I think he's a very funny guy,

but he sucks the devil's cock for more money. Yes, thank you. And he's literally like, I can do whatever I want, I'm a great actor, very talented, beloved by multiple generations of people. I want to make slop for Minecraft. I want to make Minecraft slop for retards. Dear Satan is the movie. Is that what it's called?

Oh, yeah. I mean, dude, on your way up, you got to do all the desperate stuff. Right. Like he was like he was so, you know, like making sketches about the devil and the devil went down to Georgia type of stuff. Now he's back on his way down He's afraid that it's a bit because he's very he's a circle now. I don't know if you see I've seen him lately Yeah, he's looks like yeah when I see him walking that Hollywood Boulevard. I was like, that's Kirby He looks like Kirby ate a homeless person and gained Schizophrenia and he won't stop dressing like a huge retard.

He's such a faggot sometimes. It really, because I like him, it really pisses me the fuck off. It pisses me off too. The fuck off. Dude, he's like the guy in 2024 who's showing up in the fucking shirt that has the wolf howling at the big moon type of fucking shit.

And now he's trying to get the kids hit yeah to Satan yeah which what Satan what's what's that think about that think deeper on that for a second what is it represent he's the king of hell right who goes to hell Jewish people who are we funding in a war Jewish Jewish people? What are Jewish people keep going? See how it all comes together days, right? Yeah, see how it all comes together It's a yeah, it's an Illuminati pyramid right in the left. It's still like Israel still getting their back And Jack Black is

He's getting this little fat kid in this movie. That's going to Paramount. Yeah, and I by the way What's with the fat kids now? They're everything now all of them are being cast fat. Well, they're they're trying to stop raping the kids in movies that they're shooting They have to go fat as a deterrent. Did you see how fat this kid is? Go back. Fat, and not even fun fat, kind of just sad fat. I'll show you, right here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's just for safety purposes. Yeah. They need those cheeks big enough you can't penetrate them. He's unmolestable. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they go, it's a guy in a big suit going like, listen, I fucking, I don't want to fuck him either. That's the point.

Do you think when his dad drops him off, like at casting calls, he's like, dad, don't you want to come in and make sure that... He goes, no. There's a producer that's not gonna... He goes, no. Your diet's doing that for you, kid. No, I'm gonna go cheat on your mom.

Get the fuck out of the car. Get out of the car, Tubby. You fairy, I wanted a baseball player. Get the fuck out of the car. Get out of the car, Tubby. You fairy, I wanted a baseball player. Waddle over to the fucking set. Jack Black's fucking hack. I wish you could suck off an executive. We'd be making more money this year.

We're on a fucking Paramount Plus movie, you piece of shit. You've ruined my life. He's making him cry. Fuck you. He's making his kid cry. You made $200,000 a here. Fuck you, you shit. What am I supposed to steal from you? You idiot.

Look, it's like Jack Black. Is that Post Malone? Oh yeah, Post Malone. It's Post Malone. It's Post Malone. Look, I'm worried saying this is going to trick me into getting it. So anyway, are they saying that like Post Malone is also like loved by the devil? I'm gonna need no hand for a good time Look, I'm worried Saint is going to trick me into getting a-

So anyway, are they saying that like, Post Malone is also like, loved by the devil? Yeah, yeah, because the devil hates black people. So he loves Post Malone. Saint loves Post Malone. Anyone that steals music from them, yeah, yeah. He loves a white eye, ever since. Yeah, ever since he bought the soul of Blind Willie Jefferson or whoever that guy is at the cross-fronts.

Blind Willie Jefferson. Something like that. I forget the guy's name. He was black, he had a name like that. And he sold his soul. It's something like Robert Duvall or something like that. I forget his name. Famous blues musician who sold his soul to the devil.

Yeah, I've learned his name nine times. I'm just never gonna learn it again because it's not sticking. I've learned it nine times and. I'm just never gonna learn it again cause it's not sticking. I've learned it nine times and every time I learn it, a new Larry Bird statistic from his career just pushes that out of my head. By the way, every time I remember that guy, I look him up, I get the name,

I type him into YouTube and this music stinks. Yeah, it sucks ass. It stinks. It's Robert Johnson I just remembered. Robert Johnson. And you know what, I remembered because I said Larry Bird first so it connected to the movement. No, no, Robert Johnson is the Meat Loaf in Fight Club.

His name was, oh no, Robert. Robert Paulson. Yeah, no, it's Robert Johnson, yeah. He's the guy who was really good at blues, but yeah, then you turn on it and it's just, the first thing you hear is, chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh-chh- And then bam bam bam bam and it's like yeah, it sucks Yeah, the ground was round and the sky was blue should have sold your soul to God Bitch, you would have bought it for with the blood of his son. Mm-hmm. Jesus Christ

Yeah, why isn't Jack playing Jesus in a movie? Yeah, you would never do that Yeah, ladies and gentlemen only ever play Jesus in something if they're mocking Jesus, by the way And if they're playing the devil, it's always to make the devil look like this guy He's a bro. He just he dances. He's friends celebrities But if they play Jesus yet Jesus has to show up like on his phone smoking weed and be like what's what's up? Exactly, like they'll do shows like black Jesus. Sure where it's like what if Jesus was an inward sure Yeah, yeah premise of it What goes on in this movie if he's a Satan like is there a scene where he takes him to it like to?

To a fire hydrant he unleashes it on black Yeah, well the kid he actually teaches the, he takes him to meet Hitler down in hell. It's pretty cool, I mean, you see here, he's a hamster. Okay. Sue me, I'm thirsty. That's pretty good. I tried everything, that kid's incorruptible. What about doing something out of kindness?

I don't even know what you just said. I mean, I know all the words, but I just never heard them in that order. You know this man? I'm his uncle, Betta. Who do you think you are talking to me like that? Oh! That doesn't sound right.

Pardon me. Kombucha. Watch this. Lock. No! Please! Never trust a fart you just gamble and lost nice to meet you the pleasure was mine Do you think he figures out a month after the fact that there was a show and there was like a bring your parent to Class day like a career day at his kid's school and they just didn't tell him black black Like a career day at his kid's school and they just didn't tell him. For Jack Black? For Jack Black's kids. His kids are like, no, I don't wanna.

They're like, no, we didn't want you, you didn't have to talk about the Satan movie or anything. He just brings the DVD of Soul of Rock, that's my dad. My dad did one great thing. My dad died in 2006 after he made this movie. My dad did one great thing and then he turned it into Money for Retards immediately.

He really isn't so many movies that we don't even know about. So many piece of shit movies. So many absolute pieces of shit now. Well, Jumanji 4 was pretty good. Yeah, Back to the Jungle. Kevin Hart really, really shined in one of his better performances. You know, Kevin Hart's interesting because he's

never done anything good. He's a very funny person, but I've literally never seen him in anything and I go, wow, that's okay. His best movie is Soul Plane, I think. His best movie is this one little scene in 40-year-old Virgin. Yeah, that's true. Literally, he's never done anything good.

I like, I've seen a couple like Capital One commercials where I go, that was kind of funny. Some of them are really good, I have those on, yeah. I have them on Blu-ray. I have a collection. Right, the Storkerian. UHD. Yeah, I rented those.

Yeah. No, I. Capital One commercials. I have them on a hard drive. I would love to peer inside the psyche of Kevin Hart, where I see him during the Summer Olympics. He was hosting the Summer Olympics. He does literally everything.

And I go, what is the depraved psyche of that man that he just is like, if half the world doesn't know my name, I will kill myself immediately. He literally will do anything. He does it to get out of the house. He goes, fuck, I have 3.30 to 4.00 open. I'll go film a thing for the Winter Olympics or something. There's kids at Astro Camp right now,

and the guy making the announcements is Kevin Hart. What the f- He's everywhere. Yeah, he's doing your fries at Wienerschnitzel. Yeah, he needs a check. Wasn't he having so much gay sex that he had a car wreck at five in the morning or something? That's according to Kat Williams, apparently.

Yeah, I believe Kat. I mean, yeah Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to trust. I would completely believe a tiny man I'm a tiny man and I tell lies. I'm a tiny little man. I I would believe him Dwayne Johnson Jack Black all get fucked in the ass in various eyes wide shut type parties Because there's a shot actually would, Eyes Wide Shut actually would suck. Yeah, it would suck. It would be Dwayne Johnson. Will Ferrell's...

Will Ferrell's trying to get into the party. Yeah, they're not letting him in. Will Ferrell's arguing with people out front why Harper can't come in. Yeah, Will Ferrell shows up dressed in a conquistador outfit because he thinks it's funny and they're like, no we... They're like, we feel like nobody cares What the fucking movie didn't all Spanish nobody saw? Yeah, you're not nacho. Libra. That's sucked them

Yeah, I'm trying to think who would be because I would want to get maybe I mean I would get out of you guys Like you guys are kind of like prudes. I'd get dicked down by like a really famous guy Oh, I like if it Like if he's crazy famous. Yeah, for the story, it'd be cool. But you would suck Kobe's dick, right? Sure. If you thought Kobe was alive and you met him and he asked you. For whatever reason,

if he needed that, I would have to do it. Would you suck his big black dick? Of course. Would you drink his cum? Yes, because I would have to. My life has led me to this somehow. Thank you so much, sir. What is this world in which I meet my hero and he wants his dick sucked by me?

I go, all right, I'm not gay, but I have to do this. How do you save the cop? Can I be Kobe? I just do whatever, I go, yo, what's up blood? Yeah, that's what Kobe talks like. So you have that mamba mentality? Yeah. You've been a fan of me, huh?

You like me, you cute. Yeah, okay. I need my dick drained right now. Okay. I need that shit drained ASAP. If you don't suck my dick in three minutes, I'm gonna get on my helicopter. With my daughter.

And guess who's driving it? An Armenian. I got an Armenian guy. Was it an Armenian? Yeah, yes. Just literally added to the narrative that Armenians are just, they suck my ass. They can't show me. They crashed because the pilot was going 80 and at 25.

Yeah. He was sneezing from his cologne and crashed into a mountain with the most important person in LA. God, there's such retards. They're retarded in Enora. All the Armenians are completely in LA. Yeah. God, there's such retards. They're retarded in Enora. All the Armenians are completely inept. You know Glendale has the most accidents?

If you meet pedestrian run over rates. Pedestrian run over because of the Armenians. And then you get an Armenian pilot, they're crashing into the air. I mean, they crash into nothing. Yeah, but it is kind of funny because you aren't gay, I'm pretty sure. No. And like, I know you, I love you. I don't think you're gay. I don't think if you were gay, it would be for black people, especially with huge black cocks. I don't think that'd be your thing.

I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay.

I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay.

I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're gay. I don't think you're you. I don't think you're gay. I don't think if you were gay it would be for black people, especially with huge black cocks. I don't think that'd be your thing. You'd be a Chinese guy gay. Chinese guy gay. Like I said before, if I had to fuck a guy,

it'd be like a Korean hairless guy. Something like that, something where you don't even really touch him. You just kinda eat. One of those, yeah, you know. Koreans where it looks like cum bounces off of them. Like those shoes you put that material on. Shiny, it's like you waterproofed your deck.

But you would legitimately get a stomach ache from Kobe Bryant's cum in your tummy. I would literally do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to activate, maybe kill your family. Be like, okay, bye mom. You know how gay Devin is for him? Devin would take his shit later and then look at his shitty poker with a stick,

see if any of Kobe's comm comes out of his shit. And then I'd collect that, I'd try to have a kid with it. I'd drug a woman and I'd shove the comm in her pussy. And then I'd wait, I'd bring her in her room. And wait, she'd be tied up. It'd be like, commoner pussy, and I'd wait. I'd bring her to your room. I'd wait. She'd be tied up. You'd be like, don't breathe. Yeah.

Yeah. Try to find the tallest white woman you can find to make the perfect three-point shooting assassin. Yeah, that's how gay you are, though. You're fucking gay, man. Sure. You're so gay. You would do that. I'm so gay. That's, you're fucking gay, man. Sure. You're so gay, you would do that.

And it's a black guy. It's because I love, people would kill for the passion I have for people I love. If Kobe said, he was like, yo, you cute. I want you to suck my dick. You started sucking his big, huge black cock. Because I'm assuming it was big. What if he told you halfway through? He's like, you know I did rape that bitch, because I'm assuming it was big. What if he told you halfway through,

he's like, you know I did rape that bitch, right? I go, we don't need to talk about that. That's fine. I go, that's fine. You take the cock out of your mouth, you go, that's neither here nor there. I go, no. Sir, sir, no, hush, hush.

He could admit to it to me, and I go, no, I've read a lot on it, you're innocent. Yeah. You go, what is consent really? Do we know? I guess she was a schizophrenic white whore. Is that true? Yeah, she wanted to do the same thing to Eminem.

She used to tell her friends she can't wait for Eminem to come down, she's gonna fuck him. So she would only accuse white guys of rape? I don't wanna get into it, because then the comments get really mean to me, because they use this against me all the time, and I hate them. But yeah, no, I genuinely, in my heart of hearts,

don't believe he did a criminal act. And in fact, it's been admitted, the police, when he said no, she said, did he keep going, and she said no. That was a fact. The only reason people think it is because there was the big announcement, he put out a statement where everyone was like, he fucking admitted to it. That was a stip. The only reason people think it is is because there was the big announcement, he put out a statement where everyone was like,

he fucking admitted to it. That was a stipulation in the case when they dropped it because of lack of evidence and because she didn't wanna keep continuing it and wanted to go to civil court for money. So then he wanted to, he could've just gone through it, but he wanted to end it for his family's sake and his sake and just move on.

So the stipulation was put out a statement where it kinda makes it seem like we're not completely lying and you did do something possibly. Whatever happened that night, I understand now that she feels a certain way or whatever. So everyone uses that. But yeah, she had sex with a guy the day after. Who the fuck does that, would you?

Can somebody fuck the rape out of me? I'm sick of this shit. She had consensual sex with a bunch of losers that work at Shakey's at her shitty Colorado town, but Kobe comes to town and all of a sudden she's getting raped. I've seen you, I'm flashing back, I've seen you make these same points

in front of a whole black audience and they were not with you. No, they weren't. It was one of my favorite moments in stand up. They're racist, they don't like that Kobe spoke other languages and enjoyed other cultures. They're racist. All of a sudden, a black guy in an all-white town

gets accused of rape by a schizophrenic white woman and he did it with clean record. Yes, sir. He just one time. I agree, man. One night in his life out of nowhere, he's like, you know what, I'm gonna throw it all away and just start raping.

Well, he was under a tremendous amount of pressure. It's interesting. Maybe that was still Jackson told you to. And then you look at the helicopter thing, maybe there's a karma thing. He ran through the triangle formation. Yeah, Dennis Rodman is just on the side just waiting to grab a board. Yeah.

Any pictures of his dick out there, by the way? Or did she describe his penis accurately? No. Or his cum? How hot was his cum? Yeah, what'd you say about Johnson? He stopped, he asked her to, he then said, okay then go and she left and he jacked off into a towel.

I've read the whole thing. And he was a married man. He talks about how he jacked off into a towel. He committed adultery. Yeah, and then he threw that towel at the cop's face. You know, I was. Ruled. Wait, is that true?

Yeah. That rules. Here I was with like, I was like, oh, I remember reading about Martin Luther King Jr. I go, who is this guy? He's really cool and smart, and he has great speeches, and he's really charismatic.

I go, wow, Martin Luther King, he seems like a great dude. And then, I keep turning the pages in my history book. Turns out he cheated on his wife. And I go, well, I mean, did he really do any good while he was here? Exactly, we have this insane thing where you cheat. I mean, then, I don't know, it kind of erases everything he did with people because of.

There is so much like... Because he didn't fuck Coretta all the time. Is her name Cornetta? Her name is Coretta, yeah. I thought it was, she was named after an English ice cream cone. Yeah. Coretta Scott King.

A Cornetto. Yeah. Her name's Cold Stone. Cold Stone Cream. Cold Stone Marie Marie King Jr. King, Cadbury, Diamond. Cadbury King Jr. Cadbury Diamond. I'm a very very king jr. Yeah cat cat bad king jr. Cat bad diamond But you are it is missing a lot of context like what if his wife is like a huge bitch and like dude

I mean I found out a dude cheated on his wife like way and I was like what they were like The happy Christian couple their kids went to college and like he was bagging this other bitch And then I figured out that this bitch hadn't fucked him in ten years she stopped putting out yeah which is not even not even yeah that's just a brother dipping his dick yeah you know testing out the water that's not racist but I feel like you're I don't know black allowed to cheat no it isn't it is in the culture but the dicks are so big they reach households it's just something. The dicks are so big, they reach households

if they're not supposed to. Well, it's interesting. They get caught. They're like trip wires. Yeah, they're getting caught in pussies all over town. Ah, shit. Damn it. Black people make compromises within their culture.

They're not allowed to be gay, but they're allowed to cheat on their wife. Yeah. It is hilarious when you're on black Twitter and how just totally cultural and common it is very like it is hilarious when you're on twit like black Twitter and the amount how calm how just totally cultural and common It is to just like have side bitches and just like just it's a total joke like text messages of getting caught like talking to Your side bitch or whatever it's not it doesn't seem to be like as horrible If the woman is cheating it don't they like put her through like a fucking drywall, right? Yeah, I mean I guess yeah

There's video. Yeah, yeah I mean there's a lot of videos where the guy just catches the woman cheating in the car and just embarrasses her and Phil You know films it right and then leaves her and she's describes. That's fun. What are these videos? I see shit all the time online where it's like caught her cheating and he's just like holding the camera on her in the passenger She's like, stop filming, stop filming. You a cheatin' ass bitch. You cheatin' bitch. Cause they don't care cause they're like, I'm a cheat on you for fucking me.

I just get to use this against you now. I can't believe you got caught. What a weak-willed woman you are. Yeah, these people, you think they have hearts of gold, but it's an interesting thing cause I think David, King David in the Bible, he was a man after God's own heart, they say, and he lusted after Bathsheba and had her husband

but thrown into battle in a senseless battle so he would die so then he could wed with Bathsheba because he saw her standing on the roof as the famous song by Leonard Cohen goes, I saw you bathing on the roof. Yeah, black guys love that song. Oh shit, is that new Leonard Cohen? Yo, is that new Cohen?

Yo. Okay, baby. He saw a bitch on the roof. Damn, okay. You know Leonard Cohen, he lived on an island in Greece because of an art fellowship he attained. Put on some Woody Guthrie, motherfucker. Wait, did you hear that?

Did you hear that bar? The baffled king? Damn, the king is baffled, but fuck, he got the crown and shit, okay. I like his latest stuff when he's grappling with his own mortality. That shit, gangster. Was it Leonard Cohen was I right?

I forget. No, it was Leonard Cohen. He wrote the, but my favorite is from a velvet underground right same guy No, you're thinking of a different Jewish guy. Hey, you're thinking of What is the guy not will read John Cale is who you're thinking of I guess I confused the two they have similar voices in Their white do me guys. Yeah, they're their original do-mers Yeah, no Leonard Cohen was it just a Jewish guy guy lived in on an island in Greece and wrote great poetry Next

Yeah, but my favorite version is of course Rufus Wainwright's cover from the Shrek soundtrack, oh yes, of course Yeah, the the famous from the famous Shrek sound from which I have on vinyl I have the Shrek soundtrack on vinyl. Yeah, every morning. I cook eggs and the rat race soundtrack were like Iconic sound They both had all-star in them all-star. I was when all-star was killing it Yeah, and meanwhile we didn't know the guy was the guy's kid just died and he was drinking Yeah, yeah. Poor guy.

Damn. Yeah, imagine you're talking to William H. Macy, dressed as the cheveler, and meanwhile you're mourning your dead child. Mystery event, yeah. A mystery event, yeah, of course. Mystery event, great film. Weirdly, the Bible, like,

it actually doesn't really condemn adultery, except for in the 10 Commandments or whatever, but Moses broke those anyways right because all that like the the wisest man to ever live he had like King Solomon King Solomon had supposedly tens of thousands of whores whores harlots Yeah, yeah, I hear sirens music What if that was like the that's like actually the circuit buses he asked God to be the smartest man in the world And then it just makes you insanely horny

Well, you gain you gain 300 IQ like I need to eat pussy right fucking now He because God gives you the limitless pill. Yeah, and it just makes you really good, but it's just blue chew God gives you a prescription to blue chew calm Is the Bible trying to say that if you're really smart your will be miserable and you'll just want to like fucking like goon out all the time. I think so Yeah, but it says he gave him wisdom. What the fuck does that mean? Maybe he made is it like street knowledge Yeah, he made him good For the most street knowledge God, let me make women come their fucking backs out and shit. Make me the wisest man on the streets.

Yeah man, I wanna blow a fucking interlips out of this shit. I wanna fucking blow her clit off. You were just so good at fucking it with like kill women. Yeah, he goes, he goes, he goes, the way I do it, I fucking ride that shit. I'm King Solomon. I'll make you cum to death, bitch. I'm gonna dagger that shit.

You white bitch. I'm gonna dag it. You white bitch. Cut that fucking baby in half. I'm busy fucking. You ever cut this bitch in half? I'm gonna cut that bitch in half just like I'll cut that baby in half. With my sword. My sword, which is my penis.

N-word. And I invented the N- inward. I'm King Solomon It apparently had mines of gold as well, right King Solomon's mines mines of gold. Yeah very rich man a man once said to me one of my neighbors he goes a He's my neighborhood. He goes I'm not gonna say he goes. Why do you read it? He was just he goes. Why do you? I'm not gonna say he goes. Why do you read it? He was Jewish. He goes. Why do you? Read fiction because it's all like it made up. I was like, yeah, like the scene in sideways He goes he goes I only read nonfiction

He was the book he was a book of Solomon He goes that guy was the wisest man to ever live like why would you need to read anything except for that? I was like yeah, good point. I guess good point. Anyway, let me light your candle because it's Saturday He literally said this to me in my front yard I was like, yeah, I guess yeah, I guess thanks for telling me I'm retarded and she'd be Jewish. I guess yeah, you're right big Jewish rules Don't you hire a guy to scroll on your phone so you can watch dick talk on Saturday You you're a boy you hire a boy to come by and operate your house for you. You fucking retard Dogshit religion every single Jew I know in LA was so happy our Jewish one of our very elderly Jewish Friends she she texted Katie, she goes,

when Trump won, she goes, ah. She goes, oh my God, all caps, I feel like I've given birth. Right. Oh, for you? Yeah, she goes by the Rockets red glare. They're all awesome. Yeah, I love it.

When I go over there, they just scream at the TV like can you believe this? There's like there's a like fucking candles everywhere Yeah, they're just screaming and one of them did I was I was dog-sitting for you once I hadn't met the Shecky green or whoever you live next to He just knocked at the door and he didn't introduce himself He goes, can you light my candle and I thought he was like a homeless like schizophrenic guy They can't light their own candles not on on and sadder. Yeah So you have to ask strangers to light their yeah, he knocked on the door

He goes can you light my candle for me and I lit it and he goes thank you And then he just he just tiptoed back to his house with like his candle covered Wow I mean, I've pretty much only lived around Jews for like four years now in LA so it's like yeah It's the only people I really know except you guys. Yeah, I mean we're not like you know We're not friends, but like you know your friend we see them friendly with them. Yeah, that's why you got the Brooklyn Dodgers cap on Why is that? Trying to ingratiate yourself yeah, I love the Brooklyn Dodgers That was a real theme. I

Used to go to the yards Sandy Kofax And he was a Jew he was a Jew In closing and he retired early cuz his arm hurt real bad. Just like a Jewish guy too cold They got one day and he says I quit he goes quit, there's too many black people in the league. So I'm done. In closing. In closing, we'll talk about my, I guess we'll talk about my edible,

I took a little bit of an edible accident. That's crazy. You relapsed on marijuana. The weed I don't consider a relapse at all because I've never liked it, but I was gonna ask you guys if this is a thing. Yeah. I found out my wife is in a group text. With who?

With a lot of her French black guys. Yeah. She's in a group The group text is called the train station Yeah, yeah, she's she's the only one who's blue in the whole group chat. No, so your wife's in a group chat. Yeah, with all these people that she grew up with or whatever, and I didn't know women were this evil.

I actually kind of feel okay about all the shit I've talked about, because I'll say something about women on the show and then I'll drive home and I'll go like, I don't meet and think that about women. Like I respect women or so, like whatever. But then I see something and I go, oh my god, you guys are like, you're beyond. Really, really mean.

Beyond evil. Really vicious. They have group texts where they talk shit about people they haven't talked to in 14 years. Oh, right. And they all, they're one degree away from hiring private investigators and they're screenshotting things,

they're zooming in on photos, and they'll talk, my wife will be crying laughing and she'll explain it to me and I'll go, oh my God. I'll go, is this someone, and they go, no, we haven't seen them since church camp in seventh grade. Honey, why aren't you monetizing this with microphones? I never do this. And I thought I was mean.

I'm like, oh my god, women do this? No, but you guys are like sweet, though. You will ask like, why are you laughing? She's like, so this girl, I went to high school when she was a bitch. Her kid just died. And it's really funny. Because she was mean to me four times. It will be this she'll be like she'd be like

Ashley her husband just left there for her secretary and she'll be smiling I'm like so all day we've been talking about it because she's like smiling on Instagram She's having like a really hard time posting stories about it So funny on Instagram, she's having a really hard time posting stories about it. And it's so funny. I'm like, why is that? The group text is called the train station. Every text is just you up, you up, you up, you up, you up, you up, you up, you up, you up, you up, you up.

Yeah, that's actually, there's so many black guys that they start a pick up game in the group chat.. That's actually there's so many black guys that they start a pickup game in the group chat My wife my wife's phone is vibrating so frequently. It just catches fire on the coffee table you up you up you up you up you up you up That's like glowing light it melts through the table Yeah, they're mean man. They're very very women are Women are very mean. These are some of the sweetest Christian women I've ever known in my life. They gotta get it out. I was literally just- everybody has to get out the evil I'm realizing Yeah, this is a part of life. You just we just do it publicly I guess because you know, we're sick

No, we're actually wise and brave I was literally just at a kid's like two year old birthday party that I got dragged to and there was a gaggle of women and they were all like, oh it's so great, you know smiling, oh my god, it's so, it's great. And then the second, the first one of them left a huddle like formed, like literally like football players and they're like, she's fucking bitch I want fucking take a knife and stab her eyes over and over again until she's fucking dead And I'm almost like I'm watching my girlfriend like that. I'm like almost like horrified at the switch I mean, yeah, dude

I thought like a fight at a wedding I went to once because like a girl that we used to know it came up and was talking to me for I guess for Too long and then it like my wife got like like mad because a girl that we used to know came up and was talking to me for I guess for too long. And then my wife got mad and there was this whole thing and her friends came over, they're like, she's a fucking fake bitch, she was talking to you for 10 minutes because she knew it, fuck with us,

and she's, oh she did this in college and she's doing this now. And I'm like, what? She just asked about my kid, I don't know. No, I've literally been Standing in a corner drinking punch or bored out of my fucking mind. Yeah, but they see like grand chess pieces It's Game of Thrones, but they have no money or power it's insane. I Was that I remember we were at the the funnier die. I remember they would do a Thanksgiving

Fake house play they would do in a face house. And I remember being in the kitchen, there was like five women working in the kitchen. And one of the actors, who's a comedian actually, and he walked in and he just like made some joke. He's like, huh, smells really good in here. You guys must be good cooks. And then he like walked in and they go, what a fucking asshole, I fucking hate him.

Type of guy comes in here and makes that type of joke because I'm a woman cooking fuck you Thanks, they go five fucking hate men fuck yeah I go ladies. He's not even retarded or black. Why are you making fun of it? It kind of de legitimizes a lot of like I like as soon as I saw that I started going through like rape stories I've heard. I'm like, she was lying, she was lying, she was lying. She was lying.

She might have been lying. She seems diabolical. There might be a problem with reality sometimes, for sure. Reality is only a suggestion, Jase. That's true, and when you suffer from intense emotions, sometimes you just completely make things up. Yeah. As you do completely make things up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. As you do.

As you do. As you do when you're wanting to ruin someone's life. For fun. To have a good time, much like Kobe's accuser in The White Bitch, the, Yeah. Did she have a nice ass? Did it look like Tulsi Gabbard's ass?

No. I love Tulsi's ass, by the way. At one point they were like, she's a very attractive woman, and Kobe was like, she's okay. Really? Yeah. Just fine, I guess. They were like, she's a very attractive woman. And Kobe was like, she's OK. Really? Yeah. Just finding it.

He was like, I don't care. Her name's Caitlin Faber. Find her. Kill her. Kidding. Kidding. Yeah. Faber, huh?

Apparently. I don't even know if that's true. Is this the name that was floating around in the line? Fuck. Tulsi's ass, though. I was telling Devin as soon as I saw him. I saw Tulsi's ass. Yep.

It's unbelievable. Pretty great stuff. For politics and asses? Pretty fantastic I saw I saw Tulsi's ass. Yep. It's unbelievable pretty great stuff for politics and asses Pretty fantastic for outside of politics great ass. Yeah. Yeah, I was like I had to confirm with you guys It's a great ass right like she is a nice She's like works out and shit. She was in the military and stuff. She was in the military. I believe so Yeah, she was anybody This I couldet Kelly. Yeah, she was in the military.

Wow! There was a video I saw of her where she's, her like firing a gun and then reloading it and running around, doing the thing when they run around and practice in the military. That's kind of hot to me, that the fact that she could like load an AR-15 and then fuck me and then blow my head off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine getting a hand job and you're like, these hands have killed an Iraqi child. That's got to be pretty hot hurt Just her bouncing on your dick. Oh, yeah, you see her big tits. Oh, yeah There's a soul in there you go that is responsible for the murders of children You go that woman has done unspeakable acts to you innocent bystanders For no reason other than boredom. I would love to fuck her in the in Afghanistan or something. Whoa in the heat of battle Oh, yeah

Imagine imagine she's bouncing on your dick and she has two hands on an mg-42 She's firing a fucking turret over like bags of big bags of sand, right? And she's trying to fight off the other US soldiers trying to rape her Which is apparently if you're a hot woman in the military, that's awful. Yeah, they actually want to end women in the military because they keep getting raped. Diabolically laughing.

That's actually true. That's true. One of the main things is they start losing their minds just raping all the women. No, like the president of the Pentagon is like, we can't get them to stop raping Every woman who's ever been in the military got raped to death Yeah, you know do they don't even make it out of fucking

They don't even make it out of basic training. They don't even make it overseas. Yeah, they're like, yeah This was this woman's second week. We found her in a bush with her head bashed in with a big stone Yeah They're like yeah, this was this woman's second week. We found her in a bush with her head bashed in with a big stone Yeah So but don't worry all those every single one of us goes unprosecuted Because it's under military jurisdiction Yeah, which they let people off all the time. They're like hey boys will be boys. Yeah Anyway fuck that's so funny. No we should know ford-ford hood Anyway. Fuck, that's so funny.

Holy shit. No, Fort Hood has like its own. Yeah, couldn't cut it, sweetheart? Yeah, I didn't think so. Oh, couldn't cut it in the military, got raped to death, huh? Oh, it's the big boys club, is it? Sounds like you can't cut it, sweetheart.

Yeah, no, they actually have a second Arlington cemetery for all the women who were raped to death in the military. Ah! Ah, fuck, that's so funny. Fuck, dude. Fuck, no, but it is true though. It do be true. No, 21 shots salute, let them hear it, pop pop. It do be true. 21 shots.

No, no, no, there is an evil inside every man. It do be true. And it do come out unpredictable and dark way No, it really is there's no way to escape the violence inherent to our beings and that do be true. Yes Indeed and do believe in do believe I afraid All right Pat Tillman, I have raped many women in the military. I have raped, it's like a guy getting a purple heart. Trump is giving him the congressional medal of honor.

For most rapes in military history. I have committed many rapes. Yeah, he's got the, he's got like the half face from an IED. Yeah. Nah, but for real, I have raised many, many souls. I've sent women to heaven because of my vile penis, Mr. Trump. Because of my vile penis, Mr. Trump.

These are not injuries of war. These are women who have blown my legs off, shot me through the head, noticed these scratches on my face. It is, it's really, it is silly. It is really silly. No, but silly, but yeah, no, it is true. I think I did see a guy that works for the military come out and be like, we need to get real here. Like straight up? They're getting fucking raped all the time.

Straight up, everyone, every one of them gets raped. Straight up, real talk? I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. It is it is like D-Day Dude I gotta order more McDonald's. Yeah McDonald's Fuck I gotta take a so high off my McDonald's sprite my McDonald's dr. Pepper Mm-hmm. I gotta take a fat piss me too, and I got a shit cuz I ate 20 gloves of garlic

It's it's late cuz I had to build all this shit and stuff Which is a keyboard stand for anybody wondering it's actually working We're pretty well for the makeshift thing we did right before you did But Devon we all one thing I found this out because I'm a I've been on reddit a lot on our slash pain to express Sure, of course and someone did it of course someone did a, Of course. Someone did a study. There was an investigation into why at certain Panda Expresses, the sodas aren't as sweet. Okay.

They said, this person said, some managers are cheap asses and they try to save money by they lower the amount of fructus corn syrup that comes out. They can, that way they can, cause that's the stuff, that's the shit they really pay for. The rest is just the soda water.

They can dial that back so their bags of soda last longer so they make higher profits. So sometimes when you go to a place, you go, why does it taste? It's because the managers are just cheap, and they just lower, it's like, if you went to your hot water heater, like in your garage or whatever,

and you just lowered, so it just wasn't as hot to save money, and then you just take lukewarm showers, it's the same idea. They lower that shit. I didn't know people were doing that. I thought it came like set. Me too. And a thing, apparently you can control it's the same idea. Hmm. They lower that shit. I didn't know people were doing that I thought it came like set me too and a thing apparently you can control it in the back how much sweet? Yeah, yeah comes out. Yeah. Yeah, so it when you go to a place and you and if you have it a tongue And I for this type of thing. Okay, it's up to everybody out there. I'm calling everyone to do this

I'll do this too. I'll lead the charge We need to start calling these people on their bullshit, right? I'm not gonna fucking stand for it anymore if I'm paying soda prices are crazy under Biden top dollar under fucking Biden But it's an extension of Obama's but in but in economic policies to jack up the prices Yeah, but in three months in in three months it'll be actually very good price for soda under President Trump who I love. This is me on C-SPAN. Yes.

I'm screaming about soda. Jelly Roll is there clapping. You're Bernie Sanders for candy. The price of fruit roll-ups is unconscionable. Jelly Roll's behind me nodding. Yeah, Joy Rolls, he's nodding because he's having a stroke. The left side of his brain just exploded. Start calling out these managers though.

McDonald's, Taco Bell, Arby's, fucking your local Fizzoli's, wherever you go, if the soda isn't sweet enough, say may I speak to the manager. Yeah, they're not playing enough. And ask them, I bet you, let me see the high fructose corn syrup levels, let me see the levels in the back, how much are you letting through?

Ask them, and if they refuse to show you, say I have to inform you now, I have to call the police. And I wanna let you know that there's officers on their way. Nice. Because I paid for a soda, and'm being fucked six ways from fucking Sunday. You can tell you get a soda sometimes and you're like, it's not really. Yes. It's like it's it's it's flat and like not full. It's not it doesn't seem like shaken up.

It's highway robbery. Yeah, that's what it is. And I'm not going to stand for it anymore. I'm not. I'm sick of it, actually. And also ask them to show show their Chinese people if they have any Chinese people in The back yeah, and if they bring a Mexican out tell the cops they have a gun I imagine a fat sheriff coming in with a shotgun and he's pushing back the soda machine. He goes show me your MSG boy How much MSG you throwing that to him? He's pointing a gun. He's pointing a shotgun at him.

He goes, is that the normal amount of broccoli you put in a broccoli beef, you son of a bitch? Let me see your employee handbook. Let me see what the corporate standard is. Listen, I'm not a bad guy. We like to run a fat town here. I take pride in running a fat town. My daddy was fat? My daddy was fat, his daddy was fat, my kids are fat, their kids won't exist because the

sperm rate's going down across the county. And the frogs are gay? The frogs are gay, my son's been fucking frogs. Turning them gay. He's been watching Logan Paul, Minecraft videos and fucking frogs. And drinking Prime, hell even knows what that is. He keeps pissing in Prime bottles and drinking them. My son's a little faggot weirdo.

It's goddamn what Biden's done to my fucking son. I hate the Paul, you know, I never rooted for a black man in my life until Mike Tyson fighted that faggot. And Mike Tyson, I saw his ass cheeks on TV and I nearly killed myself. Why would they show my family man ass, black man ass? Yeah, that's what he does.

So anyway, I think we need to like, you know, cause we have to all hold each other accountable. Hold people accountable, we need to hold these companies accountable. That's how America comes back. Yeah, because like I was too harsh with the voting thing. If you know, I don't really I don't care. Right. Whatever. I don't really give a shit. Right.

But I think as a community and as friends and as what we can do local is we can all hold each other accountable and get these soda levels up. Get these high fructose corn syrup levels back to pre-2000 levels. And I hope RFK does something about this because it should be a federal regulated thing. How much high fructose corn syrup are they letting in soda?

I believe it should be mandated for every business to have a Coca Cola freestyle machine. Which are controlled by the government through monitoring. Yeah. Yes, so they can't do that. So they can't do that. You wanna do the million pound march. Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yeah. We need to up soda regulations in terms of making them worse for us and keep them, keep them, yeah, good quality. Ham's across America. I do hope RFK takes all the chemicals out of the food I think it would be funny the amount of people who die from the toxic shock because they're used to to use I'm just not getting those chemicals. Yeah, yeah

I think it could be like war for the planet of the apes or some shit Like people just gone crazy aren't having seizures Americans lose the ability to speak apes start taking over Yeah, but anyway we should go to the patreon because it's getting pretty late and I got a piss so fucking bad right now Yeah, and I have bad b.o. You have bad and I need more soda and you need more McDonald's McDonald's soda So Maccas Maccas how they say it in Aussie language.

Australia. And they also call Burger King Jacks. Something. Happy Jacks. Something like that. That's what they call black people. You're confused. You should have got McDonald's when we were in London.

We never did. I did. You did? Oh you did. You snuck off one day. They make you like I snuck away. I wasn't with you when you got it. Did I not get McDonald's?

I don't remember. You smell really bad actually right now. Yeah. What happened? I think I'm experiencing some sort of stress after I took that edible and I realized like how insecure I am as a human being. Yeah. And I've just been sweating a lot since then. I was like, oh fuck, I haven't been high in like nine years and I'm like, oh I'm really insecure. And that's why I like, It sweating a lot since then. I was like, oh fuck, I haven't been high in like nine years. And I'm like, oh, I'm really insecure. And that's why I like,

I get mad all of a sudden and hold people to these ridiculous standards and yeah, yeah, stuff like that. And I was like, whew, I hate being high, it sucks my ass. Yeah, it's like, I can't live in the, I can't hide from myself when I'm high. Fuck, I want to go back to hiding away from all that. It's a projector of fears.

It takes everything you've been putting away. Especially when you haven't done it in a while. You know what'll solve that? A nice 10% stout. The Butcher. 10% chocolate stout. It'll make you stop thinking about a reality. No, I'm gonna take this hat on.

We're gonna head into the Patreon. Okay. You know, I'm gonna figure out why I'm gay. Okay, okay. And why I suck ass. About time. About damn time. Because it's about damn time.

About damn time. I'm running on empty. Yeah. What can I say? You know, I had to hold the fort down last week. You were fucking going crazy and caring about your child rapists and the government, and I had to hold the fort down last week. You were fucking going crazy and caring about child rapists and the government, and I had to tell you, Ben, relax, it's good.

Ben, it's not. Which as we all know is a, it's part of the culture war fucking kids, apparently. Yeah, it's really. It's a culture war thing, is whether or not people fuck kids. Yeah, it's not. Ben, you were being cringed by criticizing

the President of the United States. And that's cringe. I mean, he does rule. He does kick ass. He does kick ass. Listen, we've never said anything to the contrary. We need to stop the steal. The Dominion voting machine's faulting.

Stop the steal, make America great again. Dad, we actually needed to. Elon Musk is actually very funny. He's got a great personality. I like him a lot. He's awesome. Yeah. I've always loved him. Since we started the show. I've never not just made fun of him the entire time I can't wait for in six and call them Elmo Musk episode 5 can't wait six months from now when Trump is just fucking so sick

Of him and starts just publicly bashing him like this fucking hovering fag Won't stop fucking hovering just a looming fag. He's gotta piss him off. He's gotta start getting really annoyed by it. Trump's gonna pay John Jones to choke him to death in the octagon.

You know I have this company called SpaceX? What if it was called SpaceX? SpaceX? SpaceX and people went up there and they did 69-ing. What if they did 69? What if we did January 69 SpaceX anyway, we don't want the patreon to fall anymore, so we'll stop talking about that Yeah, I need to stop I need to stop getting in like moods though, yeah sure we'll dive into that on the patreon We'll get open like a frog in a science class. I had a kid. I never have any sleep

I mean, this is the I you know I'm under a lot of stress right now My wife is in a group text with 300 black guys 300 black guys. There's never any left for me by the time I get in there. You know, it's like fucking the air. Yeah. She comes back, you try to fuck her, you're just pulling like Jordans out of her pussy. Oh yeah guys.

Old Arizona hands. Guys have tied shoes together and thrown them around her pussy. There's just old sneakers hanging from her. See there's just old sneakers hanging from her My daughter's ten months old she can already dunk Yeah, yeah So would be crazy by the way cuz I was a piece of shit for a long time I was a piece of shit drunk the other day

I was like what if my wife because I was a piece of shit for a long time. I was a piece of shit drunk the other day. I was like, what if my wife like, fucked like tons of black guys when I was just like blacked out all the time. You never know. Because I don't, I was a piece of shit and I couldn't even really be mad, I don't think, because I'm like, she probably talked vicious amounts of shit about me all the time

when I was like a drunken mess in my early 20s. Like I would go missing, she couldn't find me. Right. I would literally go missing. she couldn't find me. Right. I would literally go missing, she's like, I thought I was gonna have to call the police. And I'm like, no, I was just like, out there it was like, I had 40s. You could have been fucking hundreds of black guys

for all you know. Who knows? I could have fucked black guys. You could have fucked black guys. I could have fucked Andy Digg. Yeah, that's why you got confused, you thought getting blacked out was getting fucked by a bunch of black guys

That would be awesome actually, yeah, don't even joke about that Jase If anybody could do you could do it buddy Fuck a bunch of black. I believe in you Yeah, I would love I would only fuck a bunch of black guys if they get all descend on me at once I would love I would only fuck a bunch of black guys if they get all descend on me at once Mmm, like a hoard like if I got in the middle of a room and then they were all like when kids played dodgeball In like sixth grade and they have to start on the wall Like I would want to start in the middle of the court and there's a bunch of black guys on either side Either side and a guy blows a whistle and they all run

Yeah, they're huge hard erect cocks. They all run at me and dive on me to start, it's called rape ball. Okay. Nice. You're a faggot. Please, I have to piss so bad. I bet you do. Yeah. I bet you do. I just had to get that PSA about the soda levels

because I get it. Strength in numbers and it's important to. Yeah, strength in numbers. Strength in numbers. It's important to let our voice be heard. Yeah, exactly. I get it, man. It is a bug, Jace, it's a bug's life. It's a bug chaser's life.

All right. Patreon.com slash limit party. Oh, and this week, Ben Avery dot live, I'm launching my website. The streams will always be free. I think I'm gonna stick to just doing them on Wednesdays, but they'll go behind a paywall once the stream is done and I'm gonna have merch and stuff. So go to BenAvery.live, it should be be live on Tuesday and then the first episode will be Wednesday. I'm trying to get a

Good guest for that episode, but I'll always stream it on X and YouTube for free so but anyway The first month you can sign up the there's a founders member price For the live streams that you can be locked in at and if you buy a piece of merch you also get a month free so Yeah Love you guys. Well, thank thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you. Love you patreon.com slash lemon party. Bye bye I'm sorry. I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, Music would play and Bolita would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Bolita, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. Wicked and evil while casting a spell I love us deep for this Mexican mate I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young Calmore came in Wild as the West Texas wind