lemonparty - 109: No Country for Old Women

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

No Country for Old Women | lemonparty 109 NEW MERCH: https://lemonparty.myshopify.com/ more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty live dates: https://www.lemonparty.life/livedates https://benavery.live/ ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood https://benavery.live/ devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi everybody, Ben Avery.live for tickets. December 7th, me and Connor McNutt have a show in Los Angeles. Come out and see us. That's December 7th, tickets at Ben Avery.live. I'm Guess who's back? Back again! Devin Kostler, welcome back from Florida. Oh, thank you, pal. Thank you. I was just, you know, supporting the SEC. Sure. Went to. You bleed blue. I bleed blue and orange. I have a friend that works for the Florida Gators, so I got to go out there and see what it's all about. It's a fun time, man. It's a fun time, man. It's a fun time. I got all this gear. You put you put this shirt on and all of a sudden you can just call six

with a black guys boy. You brought a you brought a pod headset with you to start yelling at him. You get to make him do cardio. Right. Right. It was amazing, actually. We the beginning of the game. You have a friend who's the head of the, he's like the football coach or something.

Your friend got molested by Urban Meyer. My friend. Gets free tickets to the game. It's a make-a-wish. I went to high school with Urban Meyer, so I flew out. Great name. No, he doesn't even coach there anymore,

some other guy, but my buddy, yeah, he's like an assistant, he's a coordinator on the team. And so I got to go and I got to do way too many things that like there's there's huge Florida Gators fans that I imagine if they knew that I did that and I didn't care at all. They killed him. Oh, yeah. There is a goose. I was I saw all the facilities. I met Brandon Spikes, who's like a legend at the school.

He had like this. He's just a huge part of the Tim Tebow days and all that. I got to see where Aaron Hernandez used to butt fuck men and then threaten them with murder if they told anybody. They go, this is Aaron Hernandez's soap, we saved it. It was, I don't know anything about college football, but it was an environment.

It looked amazing. College ball, man. And it lived up to it too, the whole South thing. Nice. Because, okay, go to the game, right? Yeah. Up in the stands, perfect seats. And you're in Gainesville.

Gainesville, maybe. Gainesville, Florida. I kept joking, like if my friends and I, if we got pulled over by a cop, we could just be like, hey, you know our friends, like our coach on the team, and they'd be like, are you kidding me? What?

And I could pull out a pen, like, you know kidding me? Oh! Oh! And I could like pull out like a pen, like you know this is Steve Spurrier's highlighter. Is that called Spurrier's highlighter? Do you want my gun? Here, just play with that, let me see that thing. I'll go trade these my gun for some Steve Spurrier's highlighter. So the beginning of the game, it starts,

it's like a wild environment. And like two minutes into the game, I look down, this old fat guy sitting directly in front of me is like, Dylan, he's having like a seizure. He's like, I was having a heart attack. He's stroking out. And he- Wait, really?

Yes. Oh, actually? Yes, I'm not kidding. Having a heart attack. Two minutes into the game. And the, one of the people I was with- He saw too many black people at once I'm like I'm like exactly

I'm confused person I'm sitting next to is like somebody get help and I'm like And I've run down like the bleachers and I go get like a Security guard I go there's a I'm trying to get her attention and people are yelling at me like And I'm like this sorry there's a guy having a heart attack up there and then I heard another guy go, well, at least it's a heart attack. Like it was wild.

They did not give a fuck. Really? I'm not kidding, dude. I tell the security guard to get somebody and then I'm just standing there like, I don't know what to do. She like wandered off. I go back up, EMTs eventually come.

We're like pouring water on the back of the guy's head. The guy's just like. His wife is just sitting there like when gizmo gets wet. EMTs eventually come we're like pouring water on the back of the guys head the guys His wife is just sitting there like when gizmo gets wet Fatter guys are shooting out his back. I jumped in the action. I ran down there. I was like, there's a mate This might be his last slur It was it was I couldn't believe I literally witnessed a spats. I think I have a heart at that. I've had a college football game,

the only one I've ever gone to. Not that uncommon. Jace is right, it's just there's too many black people. I think they need like a seasickness pill. You know when you go on a cruise, you can take a pill so you don't get seasick. They need that for when white people are around. They need Dramamine.

It is true. For black people, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, seasickness. You can take it, Dramamine. It is true. For black people. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, see sickness. You can take it, you don't. Scramble sickness. He's scrambling too much. Take your Dramamine.

Because their quarterback is black. Oh really? So I imagine that maybe that was upsetting him. And he just like, he tried to give himself a stroke or something, but yeah. Yeah, he had an EpiPen and a Gator. Little baby Gator that he just stuck into himself. It was, it was, it was great.

Did he stay at the game or did they take him off? He finally like kinda came out of it and he walked, they walked him down. They walked him down. He's like, oh, oh, I got the fry sickness. But it took him like forever to walk down the bleachers. Like it was, it was kind of intense. It was crazy.

Sure. Yeah. AZ, is he Okay, you think I don't care. I mean what did I mean? I mean I describe what the guy looks 70 he looked like Fuck I mean he looked like Warren Beatty Both he looked like Warren Beatty but with a big belly. Like Ned Beatty ate Warren Beatty. And then got raped in deliverance. So just a big fat old guy.

He wasn't even super fatty but he had his gut formed, it was like a rectangular, he just had a swollen. It's southern fat where it goes directly into your stomach, nowhere else. Swollen guts, it's not deliverance It's the journo very good very good Yeah, just dueling microwaves Beeping back and forth. Yeah, yeah posters going on slurs slurs slurs slurs slurs slurs slurs slurs I can't believe you you got to see a big fat white guy

almost bite the big one. Yeah. You saw a guy having near death experience and then he just like, they put a little slurpee in his mouth. They slapped him. That's right, that's right. They put him under a slurpee machine and just ran it.

Until he came to. They stuck his hand in the fry machine. It was funny, people were like spritzing him with like beer like on the back of his neck Like to cool him down until like the paramedics got there. They're like I need ranch Pass ranch the greatest part was people being like get out of the way and I'm like there's a guy having a heart attack Are we sure you just didn't forget his zens at home? When I don't pack an upy decky. He maybe needed a happy dad.

I've been there myself. When I don't have my zins or my happy dads. What do you think's over on the amount of people who have heart attacks at the four deck gators game? That's my first time going. Two minutes in I was like, this must be all the time. I just start dropping life- like, this is a graveyard. It might be 12 quarter.

They must have trapped doors. You see the stadium slowly emptying. You just see old fat men falling, flying from the top deck, like the nosebleeds onto the field, like the falling men. They roll them to the top so they can push them over the wall into the parking lot. It must look like a civil war battle at the end of the game.

So you're stepping over bodies to get out. Yeah, it looks like Antietam. And it's the Battle of Shenandoah. They were playing Ole Miss. They go, the bread will rise again. It literally was like, it was like a plantation war. Really? They were playing Ole Miss.

Wait, what's Ole Miss? Ole Miss, I don't know. They just seem very civil warly Sorry, I thought you it was a song called the Team Ole Miss. The team called Ole Miss. They're called Ole Miss. The college is called Ole Miss. And everyone's like you overhear people saying things like if we win this game, we'll be in the three-fifths of a person bowl. If we win this game, we'll be in the three-fifths of a person bowl Yeah, the heisman their Heisman is just a slave running away from a from a hound dog Exaggerating the race of shit just cuz it's funny and it's SEC stuff Yeah, but all this is all this is kind of insane all this

I always wanted to see them up close. Because I'm like, that's so, I don't know. They're like, who's the? You can't call. Is Robert E. Lee the coach of Ole Miss? Yeah, they're like, don't call us Mississippi. We're Ole Miss. Round these pots.

Like old English, kind of. They're just making it. No, college teams who literally were so great at football and then they were so stubborn about integration they started to lose And that's how racist they were Oh segregation or you mean about integration which means The synthesis of black people and white people. Yes, which is the goal which is integration The goal I call it synthesis. I call it race synthesis. Okay Combining all the ingredients to drown out the white. Is that a thing if I google it?

It'll show me some insane stuff. I actually just made it up. Okay, I actually just invented it race synthesis There's a new racist dog. Yeah. Well, this is my way of getting around saying white genocide on the podcast But Devon, you know, he's been bathing in the red light for so long, he had to fly to Florida. Let me look at him. Look at me. The guy bleeds red, the red wave is alive in a well and limit burning.

I'll tell you, when you come to the swamp, the only thing that comes out alive is a gator. They say that like 80 times. Do they really? There's guys that come on the screen, they're like, you come to the swamp, the only thing that comes out alive is a gator! Do they bring a big gator? All these people go, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. They, you come for the swamp. The only thing that comes out alive is a gator. And all these people go, eee.

They do the shop. They do the alligator. Eee. They go, I like eating. Eee. When I eat it look like this. I'm not kidding, it's the entire economy of the town. People wait all week for Saturday.

People were drinking at like 8 a.m. It was like a noon game. I mean it was awesome, I gotta say. That shit is great. I went to an Aggie game once, and there were weird little culty kind of mind control. It's weird there. It's weird.

It's weird there, but I don't know how it gets there. Cause they have the Spanish moss trees, and occasionally you're like, oh is that a guy hanging? And you're like, no, it's just the moss tree. You're like, is that treads hanging from the And you're like, no, it's just the monster. You're like, is that dreads? Hanging from the tree? I don't know, there's just old,

I just have feelings there. And you're like, oh I thought that was a Jamaican guy. Ooh, Jesus Christ. At A&M don't they have the core, the people that are in the, they dress up like weird? They have the core and they have yell leaders, which our friend Nelson was a yell leader.

Yeah, but don't they dress up kind of vaguely,uely isn't it like a they dress up like Civil War kind of Trying to remember what it was like sets off cannons and stuff. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they set up It's alive and well Stonewall Jackson I Think I might go back to school. Yeah Stonewall Jackson. I think I might go back to school. Yeah. To go to Ole Miss.

I'm not kidding dude, I was driving around, I'm like, god damn it, I wish I went to college. I know. God, should we enroll? We should enroll at Florida. It gives you a feeling, you understand where Cormac's coming from. Yeah.

Yeah. RIP. You're like all these Southern Debbie Tom's. You kinda get it, I was driving around looking for my muse. You're a writer all of a sudden. I was like, I need a girl named Augusta Brin. I need a Southern debutante named Sheryl. Show me the masters.

A girl named Dumbasses. Congratulations on Cormac. Thank you so much. It's the ultimate graduation for an artist. I've been joking about him being a pedophile for years, by the way, and I can't believe it became true when I heard that I go of course. Yeah He's the biggest he's the biggest fag. I've ever like he's such a homo That it kind of makes sense that he wanted to spend a lot of time with a 16 year old girl

You think he's so gay the only woman he could fuck is a 16 year old girl dude. He's he's Identifies with like teenage girls. He's like a huge, like off the page, he's a big fag. I think the girl was a fag hag. I think she was. What, she was a fag hag. I think they were just going around like being sassy and talking shit.

They were like on a bed. He's like, what book of mine do you like the most? His feet kicking behind him. By the way, everybody's defending him. They go, the age of consent in the 70s in New Mexico was 12, and I woken up, not true. Yeah, also, just take the knee. You don't, hey, listen, here's the thing is you could be like,

he's a great rider, he's a fucking peffa who gives a shit. Well, he's a groomer. He was still in love with her when she was a, you know. Calling him a groomer seems gay to me for some reason. Groomer, I'm just calling him a peffa. We gotta get over the groomer thing. Get over the calling him a- We gotta get over the groomer thing. Get over the groomer thing. We gotta get over the groomer thing.

Stop getting mad at guys for having, getting pussy. Some people are young and dirty and they need to be brushed. We have to stop the groomer thing because if we keep talking about groomers, the gay society will crumble if we continue to talk about grooming. The grooming, I always envisioned Cormac just picking fleas out of her hair

and just brushing her. Like, eating maggots. Licking her. Yeah, licking her. The finest thing to me was they said they met the way they do in that scene in No Country where he goes by the pool. Yeah, it's exactly that, right?

It's exactly that scene. In the movie, in the book, he picks her up on the side of the highway, but regardless, there's a weird similarity there. Which means he probably told the Coen brothers, because they added that in the movie, he told the Coen brothers, by the way, I fucked this 16-year-old chick at a fucking pool one time.

You should put that in, it was hot as fucking shit. He talks like that. Yeah, they're almost done filming the movie, they're like, Jesus. Yeah, Cormac. Really? Cormac signs one movie deal. He turns Hollywood. He's like Remember what it felt like to unwrap your very first headset Well turtle Beach can give you that feeling again their gin 3 stealth 700 headset is a total game changer

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For a limited time only head to turtle beach comm to get access to their site wide holiday sale Support the show and tell them that we sent you save big and don't delay happy holidays from Turtle Beach No, he was also, yeah, he fled Dodge and he had the fucker in Mexico. Wasn't even brave enough to fuck her in the United States. Dude, he sought asylum in another country for being a pedophile.

Maybe I do like Jewish writers. Here I am thinking, you know, I hate Roth, I hate all these guys. Hormack is the most Jewish writer of all time. Wait, it gets that bad? I didn't read the article. I hate all these guys. Wait, Ormak is the most Jewish writer of all time. Wait, it gets that bad I didn't read the article. I just figured it was Well, I think the I think I looked it up I think the age of consent was 21 for a long time in the United States

No, that can't be true like like federally and then it went down and I guess someone as along the lines Yeah, how about we all let him decide? Yeah, state by state doesn't mean there is somebody who introduced a bill to take it down from 21 Yeah, which you know, God bless. Here's the thing when I heard that I was like at this point You're not you you can't be cool. You can't qualify as an iconic artist if you don't have a story Yeah, you gotta be a pet. It's just becoming too much. It's true. It's like, get over it already. It's like, somehow, of course, these guys. What about Drake?

When you have, no, not him, but. You know what's funny is I do think it's different than Drake, that he still had a, Drake would fuck a 16 year old and then never talk to them again. Yeah, Drake's like, I just want them all, I want them all. Corm, like these old, these guys,

these like, these like, heady guys, they think they're so smart that they've outwitted pedophilia, and they think they're investigating, like a, they actually think they're infallible because they're so genius. They go, I know the human soul so well that we have a connection that goes past pedophilia.

That's kinda how, I mean, like, or at least the obsession with it. I don't think Louie's ever done anything, but Louie has this, like, Louie, you know, I love you, daddy. There's like, he's- He's jacking off, yeah. He's interested in the idea of, like, a young muse

or whatever. Yeah. Woody Allen, I mean, I don't know. It's just, it's too much. You could read into almost every legend and there's that one part of the Wikipedia. Where you go, oh boy. Where you go, ooh.

Oh my. Yeah. Look here, in 1929, the age of consent for marriage was raised to 16 years old for both females and males. But does that mean sexual intercourse? Here, I'll show you. Was it legal in New Mexico at 16?

In 1970, the age of majority was loaded from 21 years to 18 years old, making it legal for males and females 18 years old and older To marry okay, but here's the thing is that then if you look here because I looked here Is as age of consent New Mexico in 1970 was 16 years old, but he's running from the FBI So I'm not smart enough to figure this out because Google's giving me two different answers. She was a foster I'm not gonna become to figure this out because Google's giving me two different answers. She was a foster kid. I'm not gonna become the age of consent expert, by the way. I refuse to look any further into it.

I give myself a timer of two minutes, I get to look into the age of consent laws, and then I just have to. You don't wanna be the guy breaking it down. What was it, a fee before that, that stuff? Yeah, there's the guy who, the conversation starts, he has one of those quarter band arm bands. A quarterback, yeah.

Yeah, the quarterback, he flips over, he goes, well yeah, in New Mexico, that's totally fine, until back. Yeah, the quarterback, he flips over, he goes, well yeah, in New Mexico that's totally fine. Until 1985. 1985, break! Why was the FBI after him, if it was? So she was in foster care, she was in an abusive situation, he's like, I need to save you from this, you're getting slapped around.

And then they figured out about that, because he was also, he didn't fuck her, but he was writing her horny letters for a long time They found the horny letters and then the FBI was after him So that's why he had to there was a paper trail of him being horny of him being horny He was horny in text for the 16 year. How did it only come out now? So horny he loaded pages into his typewriter Yeah, yeah, and you know that was the second time cuz he jizzed on the first pages. He got so horny He's like any jackedwriter. That was his white out. Devon, what'd you say?

How did it, she was fine with it, right? Till 47? No, she just was. Did she love him until the end? She said they always had a relationship. She was like, Cormac saved me, that's what she said. She goes, I wouldn't have survived. Foster care, Cormac saved me. I hold what she said. She goes, I wouldn't have survived. Foster Care Cormac saved me.

I hold no ill will towards him for that. She was like, I. She was brainwashed and manipulated by a man who, I mean, this is the thing, he's a satanic pedophile. He's no better than Judge Holden himself. We had some hasty thoughts on the group text, and I was busy being a part of the SEC. Sure, you're busy doing your own crimes at the University of Florida.

Kendrick's album came out I really didn't have time for this old fag and his weird pedophilia. I would love you get so caught up you're at a rave or sorry a frat party doing like some weird gray area shit with like a drug shit. I grabbed the mic I go guys they just announced Cormac McCarthy was a pedophile. Everyone's like, woo! The shafts shall rise again! They fired the cannons up. Poof. Ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Ba ba ba. Kurt Gurb Street's like, just an unbelievable Cinderella story. She was 16, by a pool, this genius man wandered by and needed a muse. He goes, I don't even give a shit about my dog dying, that story's so fucking hot. Dude, so Child of God was about an actual child, I guess.

Yeah, huh, if you think, not much like yourself. Alright, so she, listen, not to sound callous. Sure. This was probably the best thing to ever happen to her. When you actually, right? Well have you have to learn when for yeah Yeah, I know how he feels. Yeah, there's I yeah like people I love and some some shit sure comes out Oh my god devastated, but you got a little realistic about this the guy made Wrote books about like big like big judges bashing babies heads

I mean, where does any of well, you gotta have a side. He kills kids in the book. It's not explicit But he he he kills kids and they keep finding dead kids everywhere and he also has a little retard He keeps in a cage that he fucks. Yeah. Yeah, what's her life without this? Probably probably abused in the foster care system just spinning out into like so you go abuse in the foster care system just spinning out into a new foster care system Or you are the inspiration for the one of the possibly the greatest American writer of all time. I don't know bub I'll take that route. He also I mean she didn't have any sort of she didn't hold anything against them in the article No, no, she was just like I want to like tell my life story the only thing she was mad about was she noticed that they kept a correspondence and a relationship,

and she said that she just kept ending up in his novels over and over again, and she was more resentful of that than taking her sweet teenage pussy when he was like 47 or whatever. Yeah. It's really good. Did he have sex with her when she was 16? No, he waited. 17.

Yeah, or whatever. I believe. I think he took her to, who cares? Who gives a shit? Regardless, he fell in love with a 16 year old girl because he's a huge fag. He's like the American beauty Kevin Spacey fag. Is his wife upset?

He had like three wives. Oh really? And also he's, you know, he's, by the way, I found out in the Josh Brolin interview that Josh Brolin was best friends with Cormac I was a man was very that yeah. He was like hanging out with him all the time. He says he feels bad He made Cormac sign his typewriter, which he still regrets to this day cuz Cormac didn't want to do it It was like really mad. Yeah, and he said he always used to ask Cormac

He's like where you got his ideas from and stuff and Cormac. I don't know From a bunch of kids, oh fuck man, shut up. Don't fucking worry about it. It's so funny to imagine Cormac though, hanging out with this Hollywood actor. No, he's at, yeah, Cormac at Brian Singer's house. In the hot tub.

In the hot tub, with Sean William Scott, and McLovin from Breaking Bad. And Preston L from Breaking Bad and Preston Lacey There's Cormac We're very Cori started pressing goes now when they time we man to you And jumped out there was that real he just keeps he's Presently she's pissed at Cormac McCarthy because he keeps asking Did he see Cormac such a fucking gay loser?

He is a gay with falling in love with the kid like 16 year old girls who are orphans by the way He's such a loser. He was very like oh, I shouldn't but I will like type of yeah He was very gay about it. You know that's why I don't know if I don't did she say they fucked they fuck Yeah, they had a they had said they had sex like gay sex Mm-hmm. Yeah, he like he's a fag He like took her to a motel room and it was after he knew her for two and a half years and then he finally They made love. He's such a fag dude. Yeah such a gay fag. How did this affect? He's a great writer. It meant nothing. It really seemed like it's it's making waves for the people on the internet

I know dude. I've I've calmed down since like the Trump stuff I'm like I'm done with saying everybody's a pedophile and this and that and it's not because of the Cormac thing before that I was like, dude, I'm like whatever what am I gonna ask of backlash? take a career away from you. That's the reason. That's the reason. Dude, I've calmed down. That was, Devin, that was two weeks ago. Two weeks ago.

I don't want to be so, well, since then I took that edible and I spiraled and I realized that, you know, a lot of things that I needed to come correct about. Sure, right. And I need to stop being so self-righteous about child sex trafficking. You high on an edible being like, dude, pedophiles rock. I suck.

Why has it been looking down on everybody? That fucks kids, what the hell? Yeah, Jesus Christ. No, but actually, I mean, I just, I mean, I never cared about Jerry Seinfeld with Shoshanna being seven. I never, it never meant anything to me. When this came out, it just kind of felt like,

oh, it's only a big issue, because people, I guess, held him to, it's just they didn't know that. It just doesn't mean, he's dead, and it doesn't affect the work for me at all, so I don't care. If there had been a picture of him when he was like 49, and it's like,

like, look at gay Cormac, and his 17-year-old Santa Fe bride, or whatever, people would be like, all right, but then a ton of time passed, and he wrote all these books, and it 17 year old Santa Fe bride or whatever people be like alright But then a ton of time passed and he wrote all these books and it wouldn't be but it's just like we found out after The death like you know look man. It's way funnier just to be like yeah. He's a pedophile I'm just gonna call him a pedophile Still like read his book people were even tweeting at me like people are even tweeting at me like this You're man's and I was like the correct response is just lol. Lmao Was in love with

Like I could never tell from his works that he fucked kids There's a fucking tree of dead babies in blood meridian, right? He should fuck kids Yeah, and he didn't fuck kids I guess, but he groomed a kid or whatever. Yeah, I mean he was extremely grooming, pedophilia, call it whatever you want, it was gay. But it's also bad that he did that. Not to be self-judging and self-righteous, but it was bad.

It sounds like he provided a private education. Yes! Long before the crime happened. Yeah. Most pedophiles, that's right. Most pedophiles. They're just in it for the, for the, for the kicks.

For the kicks. The sick kicks. They're not like teaching you words. Exactly. And like showing you literature. Yes. He helped grow her mind, he grew her mind. Cormac's like the dad in He Got Gain.

Like he loves pedophilia. And he was only tough on her because he loves pedophilia that much. And wanted her to be a great pedophile. No, I was reading Aaron's stuff on Twitter and I was like, I felt horrible for him. Oh, Aaron. Aaron was like committing seppuku online.

Yeah, he's fine though. Yeah, but I mean he was getting it There are people like we're taking people were really upset at him for for caring about about his finding out a person Partial criminal, but you you texted me you're like I've been defending Heroes of mine I could show I could I mean Aaron I'm happy to talk to you like I could give you tips on how to handle finding out that everything you've ever loved is tainted with crimes, sex crimes. Devin's been defending rapists his whole life,

if he thinks they're talented. Somehow, it just always happens. Mm-hmm. Well, I don't even- Devin's usually at a bar defending a guy who raped. Well, we don't know, because he never can tell about the rape. Somebody accuses, and you go, okay.'s defending a rape accusation. Devin is somewhere in the city

Yeah, he's in a dark corner of a he's defending someone who has a rape back. I've been more rapist than Bill Degree is insane how many people I've had to be like, oh god, you too? Like I've been fuckin', I've been on your corner for so long. Right, yeah, you're gearing up for Conor McGregor now, looking for weak points. I mean, yeah, to Conor McGregor's, he said I went from the Cormac stuff

to the Conor McGregor stuff. Yeah. Which, see, is a lot worse. Yeah, it was very, you like to beat the shit out of a woman, right? Well, you know what, I could defend this too. Go ahead. Uh...

That's what we do, we defend rape, we defend the... Well, she took him to a civil case, so it was like the money. I don't know, I've read both sides, and this is all coming from the great website X. Sure. Which we all know is everything's true and that's where you can get your news from.

Cheers! Cheers to OP! Cheers, Elon! So I saw both sides, you know, of the McGregor stuff. Like, it could be real bad. Apparently people in like masks broke into her home and tried to silence her. But then I don't know how true that is

because then she was like lying to her boyfriend and seeing McGregor and had her phone out. Like she had there's footage of them like hammered having like making out. And then you don't know is it like she was gonna have sex with him and then he just put a boot in her face? You don't know. God knows he's had a lot of rape accusations.

Yeah. And I met him. And I've seen him. What's a lot though, really? He seemed like he wanted to rape Ida once. Yeah, we took that pic of you guys. It was good. He had a boner in it.

Yeah, it was a good thing he had that boot on or he might have done it. That's true, that's true. He was, yeah. Might have raped your girlfriend. He wasn't at full strength and he asked us what room we were, it was, yeah. He asked what room you guys were in? He wanted to hang. Oh,? Oh, and I was like I'm gonna be bludgeoned to death by Conor McGregor as he rapes

My girlfriend tonight. I thought you're the first guy to get cocked and his ass kicked at the same time He seemed pissed I saw him the next night walking into the Beverly Hills hotel and he was swearing up and down in Gaelic Really? He was probably mad that he hasn't gotten a chance to rape. I think he had blue balls. Yeah. Cause in America you can't rape. Yeah. And that's why Northern Ireland and Ireland,

that's why they had a schism. Yeah. That was the troubles. The troubles were. But they were both pro-rape, they were just arguing. How much you should be. How much you get to do it. Like Northern Ireland was like all the time,

and then the English side was like, well, not on Sundays. The NRA is the National Rape Association. Exactly. And England's like, well, you know, you like take it and they're like, you fucking caught, fuck you. I'll blow up a fucking car outside a kindergarten in my

town it is funny that no you know no one thinks about Ireland except when it comes to like the great writers really like you sure like Joyce or like Beckett or whatever you're like oh my god but no one really like cares about them as like a world power at all like they don't mean anything oh they're just good and since no one will go to war with them they have to go to war with themselves yeah no one cares to storm them. I mean, their president's a big cartoon character. Is he really?

Oh yeah, he's the big dog. Yeah, he's a human smurf who has giant dogs that he rides around everywhere. That's awesome. Yeah, he has like mastiffs. I love Ireland because they do three things well. No, actually four things. Fucking, falling, and pathillion.

And being what? And being what? Not anymore. Yeah, not anymore thanks to India. Wow, do they have a Muslim thing? Oh, that's another thing I could get into. I either, there's car bombs. Some may say they're trying to take McGregor down

because he's been so anti-immigration in Ireland, so I was talking about it. And it could be a coordinated attack on him and his livelihood. And Indian guys are mixed because they love rape. They're just very left, they're very liberal out there. Like with COVID, like they were real fascists with COVID. Trackers on you.

In Ireland? In Ireland, Ireland. Really? Dublin's like, yeah, I mean, my Irish family like hates Dublin. Really? Because it's, they say it're like they're like they're like Living out the real living out. They've been living out. Yeah hard

Do you think they're so ashamed that they're like drunk Irish heritage? I think so possibly and yeah, I mean, that's just the way of the world too. You know now I don't know or was until you know Trump The world I saw something that is disgusting, I won't stand for it. What are we talking about? But just, in terms of, just to make Aaron feel better about Cormac, you need to put things under perspective.

Look, Conor McGregor's gonna still be beloved and talked about forever. Sure, yes. He's had like tons of actual rape accusations. He just got charged with it in a civil case. There was video of him punching that old guy in the face. And he punched an old man for not taking a shot of his shitty whiskey. I mean, he's a bad guy, or he's a goon.

I think I could defend Cormac in court. Let sleeping fags lie. How about my cousin Benny? I'm defending Cormac in court, my cousin Benny. My cousin Benny. I come in. Obviously, I'm talking about grit still. Right, Devin's at the University of Florida,

he gets arrested for a false rape charge. Well also, I was gonna defend Cormac in court actually. Oh okay. So it's my cousin Benny, I'm defending Cormac in court. I go, your honor, he's a huge fag. Look at him, he's way fish, he's tiny, he speaks like a fag. And then you- He writes about cowboys all day, he's a huge fag. Look at him. He's way fish, he's tiny, he speaks like a fag. He writes about cowboys all day. He's a huge loser.

Could this man possibly molest a child? You bring your fiance in and show her a picture of a diaper and you go, what do you notice in that diaper? She goes, it's got streak marks. Specifically, and he goes, if you got fucked in the ass, there wouldn't be streak marks in the diaper. Wait, why is there a night from from my cousin? Yeah, the treads in the that was merely a vehicle. Yeah

Now do the grits part he had grits in his ass I don't know Marissa Tomei still there. Yeah, Marissa Tomei is there Cormac ass. He's like, can I fuck her? She's like no No, you can and I fuck everybody. I'm whole or dude. He wrote it's so funny He was in love with a 16 year old and he wrote books on a typewriter about Cowboys his whole life Yeah, yeah. No, I know he was a great writer but like that does make you a huge dude imagine coming in a 16 year old and then go like Time to get back to my book called all the pretty horses

You're a gay guy You're a sissy he's a sissy and she also said she was like my one critique of Cormac is when he got famous He turned into a bitch. Yeah, he's sucked the money done fucked him up and she said the money changed him the last 20 years hanging out with physicists thinking he was a scientist and well fit like yeah lots of pedophiles in that game too Santa Fe yeah time he might have been blackmailed actually I could have been he was hanging out with Epstein types wasn't he could have been he could have been running a trafficking ring lines up I could probably connect

this to the Franklin scandal. Probably some weird occultish, like you know, Aleister Crowley type shit. The narcissism, the occult. JPL. Skulls. Fuckin' rituals. God knows what's going on there. Goat masks and Molleck.

A Bromovitch. The evil within man. Can you imagine Cormac at the Eyes Wide Shut party and they're like, do you wanna fuck this 12 year old? He goes, well, depends. They go, can you stop being so vague and weird? Just fucking answer the question. He goes, well, I don't, I suppose, I don't know.

They go, stop with this Texas Retard Act. Do you want to fuck her or not? She is 12. I'm the president of Citibank. He goes, well, you know, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I do know that Norm was very good friends with Cormac, so I wonder if Norm knew he was a pedophile. But that's like, Norm never talked about

how he was very close with not only Bob Dylan, but Cormac McCarthy, two of the greatest writers of our generation. Yeah, Bob Dylan loved Norm, right? Was like a huge norm, but norm never talked about it So I wonder you know maybe norm was a pedophile too possibly maybe even less the kids Maybe Bob Dylan fucks good Bob Dylan's to to real the fuck kids I think Bob Dylan fucks angry feminists because that's like the Most real thing he can do although it would would makes I mean, you know, it is very Christian

To fuck kids. Yeah, don't don't you drag Christ into this? I'm not I'm just saying there's like Devin the Christian Church has never done any pedophilia You're thinking of Catholicism No, no Christians are a few profiles I'll give you that yeah, okay Protestant Christians are a few profiles I'll give you that. Yeah, okay Protestant Christians are a few profiles I'll give you that Catholics on the other hand the Catholics like I'm young But the Catholics did they have another thing and also its homosexuality, which is where it's homosexual It's always little boys. Yeah, which is way more demonic in a weird way. Even though it's not as bad Well women also hit puberty earlier. So it's it's more pedophilia by age. You know

like fucking a 16 year old girls like fucking a you know 19 year old guy and it's also about they molest to recruit sure which is why it's like a weird Ritualistic Satanism. It's a blood-in blood-out thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's also cannibalism They believe the blood in the bread when it goes in their mouth It turns into Jesus's actual blood and bone so they believe they're eating a dead man. It's a they're cannibals It's a weird bizarre I think J's get any time I talk about Catholicism J's gets like really weird messages from people saying they'll never listen to the show Oh, yeah

One guy one guy sent me a messages for two years saying like the show helped me through the toughest period of my life I would are he's like messages like I had a gun in my fucking mouth And I didn't kill myself because you guys called Bill Cosby the n-word on one show And I just I would just goes. Oh, thanks man. Glad you glad you know You didn't blow your fucking brains out and then we did one app making fun of Catholicism for ten minutes He goes mr. Avia. I will never listen to this show as long as you like wrote me on a screen I was just like I'm not fucking off. I'm not reading that shit. I did find the one Catholic priest I liked and it's the guy that goes all six million. Yeah

The Holocaust the night the Holocaust and our priests which is like you would think it's a mad TV character, but he's a real guy Who somehow he's the most controversial guy in the Catholic Church. When he's actually the most. Cause he denies the holocaust. When he's probably the most morally good priest in the entire Catholic Church. Would you go, yeah I trust him with my kid,

out of all the Catholic priests. I'd let him babysit my daughter. You're in the Catholic Church, you go, who here doesn't fuck kids? And they go, well, Father Ingram. And they go, what does he believe? He doesn't believe in the holocaust, but he doesn't fuck kids and they go well father father Ingram. What does what does he believe? He doesn't believe in the Holocaust, but he doesn't fuck kids He's good. He's a good man. That's a good man. He has a backbone

Yeah, can I show you guys something sure of course I found found a tard Oklahoma security man. Yeah, that's really doesn't have any followers. That's the same Yeah, we are a guy with no followers, whatever no, it's fine I saw this post on a Twitter and then I went to so somebody's already started doxing him Well, I mean someone posted just a screenshot of this and then it gets better There are approximately 1.1 million security guards United States of those Approximately 75% are males. Look at this guy.

And then says, I am a part of the 75%. He sure he's a part of the 75%? Cause he looks like an FDM trans guy. He looks like Rittenhouse, kinda. He kinda does. I'm doing a transvestigation on this guy right now. He looks like a Richard Je jewel and Kyle Rittenhouse combined Richard Rittenhouse

He looks like he goes home to a to a 8,000 pound mom I'm so proud of you for putting for killing all those people I'm so proud of you for that that gray area was it self-defense? Murder you did at the IT warehouse He put his hands over and he grabbed the wetsuit from the employees He knew not to ride his bike that close to the mall He should burn in hell

He deserves it Because you know we put put the Black People stuff in a little jail inside the grocery store. Can I say that by the way? I go to the Ralph's by my house is everything is in jail now. They have a little bin that you have to like go walk past a security guard to walk

and get deodorant or toothpaste or, that baby formula's my favorite thing. Welcome to Cuck-A-Four, dude. Yeah. It's Cuck-A-Four. Well, that's what's interesting, you know, at the places that I went to that were, everything was in jail, after Trump won, they like released it. Really?

Yeah. They're just like, it's safe again? Well, because I think California, didn't we finally vote to make theft illegal again? Oh, yeah, we did. So I think they started being like, all right we'll just, people are gonna get arrested again for stealing. No, cause I remember, I think it was in 2018, we basically made a new prop that was like,

you can't go to jail. Yeah. If you still should, you don't go to jail anymore. $900 or $999 or more or something like that. I think everybody should be born into jail, and you have to prove that you're a good person to be let out. Like Bane.

Everybody should have Bane's childhood. Oh, was Bain born in prison. Yeah, he was born in a prison and he had to crawl his way out Oh, he's born into the darkness. Yeah Yeah, I guess actually that kind of fucks you up. Yeah, it's like traumatic But I think when you're 16, you should automatically go to jail and then you have to prove you become a citizen It's funny how I was born in a CVS on 97th Avenue, molded by it. I was locked up next to the Old Spice. You needed a key. I was in the same cell as the native deodorant.

To get out you needed an employee and there was only two employees in the store. Dude, this guy though, it's like, like do you think he was inspired by Paul Blart Mall Cop? Yeah. Oh, totally. Like he's like, that's gonna be me. Oh, here he goes, I am a part of the 75% and then the next slide is.

Observe and report is the name of his food review channel. Ha ha ha ha. Security guards, dear God, watch over me as I work today. Guide me to help people have safety and awareness. Bless everyone who puts their trust in me. Grant me wisdom to make good choices so that everyone goes home safe. Let me always remember the duty I have to help

and protect people in this world you made for us, amen. I love, he shared this thing called a prayer for security guards, and security guards are so retarded that the guy who wrote that can't even think of big words. I think there's not a two consonant word in that whole thing. Yeah, you're probably right. It's just, dear God, please help me be good and stuff.

Here's one. When I became a security officer, my friends started distancing themselves. They did themselves a spell draw. Spell draw, yep. And then the thumbs down. They're like, dude, Aaron on a different flow, we can't hang with him anymore. It is truly a blessing to wake up each morning. Strap on this vest.

And make it home safely at the end of each shift. What, is he a cop or a security guard? He has so many. He's a security guard. So much equipment. He posted, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Isaiah 5417. Isaiah 5417. Isaiah 5417. Isaiah 5417 He posted no weapon formed against me shall prosper Isaiah 54 17

I think by the way, he might be 15 He's he's one of those guys where you think he's 15 and it turns out he's 48 And yeah, it's cuz he ate so many fruit roll-ups. He never went through puberty. They like blocked his hormones So yeah, he's doing a... Like the, yeah. I guess he's, by the way, when he's supposed to be protecting everybody, I think he's just making TikToks.

Remember when we used to bully you? Now look at me. Ah! Ah! Ah! No, I'm a security guard! Oh my God! He has a, is that a gun or a taser

that he carries with him? Who knows man. That's strapped around his pussy meat. It's probably like a wooden block thing. He seems like a stolen Valor security guard. This could be fake. He says when you're running from the noise but then remember you have a baton. Okay so his gun's not real. It must be a Taser or a Wooden Block. Is the noise rap music? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I still don't give a fuck still don't give a fuck. That's why I'm posting about it

But I still don't give a fuck Posting about how much I don't give a fuck. I love him posting in his Nissan Altima like it's a cop car When someone asked for my name and badge number and it's Channing Tatum from oh, yeah, I guess I have to play the audio Oh, yeah, I guess I have to play the audio. My name is Jeff. My name is Jeff. I don't really. I don't really get it. I don't get it either. You don't know true pain.

Oh, wow. You crave a conversation with someone who is no longer with us. Hold your hand till it goes. This is about the skateboarder he killed. The skateboarder he hit in the prank with a baton because he got scared. He fell into the mall bleeding into the fountain bleeding out. He's like, oh, fuck.

He killed Nigel Smith. I need to find out where this guy works at by the way like in Oklahoma And I'll never go to that mall because this is our man George Zimmerman is guarding that I fucking I guarantee He's such a bad security job. He works at like the porn shop. Oh, yeah in like a place called neighbor, Oklahoma He follows around George George Floyd statue. He calls the guy goes he looks like he's up to no good He's firing at a George Floyd mural on the side of the building just RPGing it I've been leaning on the statue for three hours, but he won't go down. I Think that I think the blacks have developed some breathing apparatus

That we can't take him down this these guys they always have this weird We talked about it on the Patreon with the Jelly Roll stuff, this weird sad in my truck, buy a fire with a beer. Like they are very mopey, melancholic, emotional, it's strange. They have this weird Tinder side, but they're really, I'm fucking hard about fucking.

It's almost like they're a wild animal wild animal like there a pig in a cage and their lives suck Their lives suck. Yeah, you know They should be like there they live the equivalent of like just being poked with prods like electric plot prods by scientists But they don't understand that they can only filter it through literally I'm not shitting you watching like Bad Boys 2 in the 90s. So they're like, well I'm sad, so I gotta be like a hard inward basically.

And then they, so he becomes a security guard and he's like, people like, it gets to me, but I like, I am law and order. And he's so retarded, he has to filter it through literally like Sylvester Stallone movies from like the 80ies and nineties. And I think that that generates this personality. He's the guy that thinks he's Rambo,

but he works at the TSA and he goes, all laptops and tablets out of the bag. Yeah, out of the bag. That's his job. But he goes home and he thinks he's like Rambo. Yeah, he's like, I stopped it. He's like, I strip searched a brown gentleman today. He thinks he's stopping terrorists. What is this is a giant black car?

Just filming the fire, you don't know true true pain until you crave a conversation Tough men do cry was still about men do cry, Mr. Lobos. Longer with us. Tough men also cry. Go to the next one. To the person who may be scared to take the leap. And get the job, do it. Trust me, you'll be fine. He's just walking around his apartment.

This kid will be national news. Oh, no I know. Massive case that causes a ton of racial tension. They're gonna burn down. I'm fucking they're gonna do the race riot Yeah, and over this guy this he will be the new Sheldon as this is a girlfriend Okay, I'm his girl you can Okay, I thought it was his kid no that's That's him from an angle. That's all it is. He looks very young. Okay, very very strange start

reset and refocus as many times as you need. You are your own greatest project. Which is always remembered. Meanwhile, there's like an old woman who's like baking in the sun. She fell down behind him. And refocus as many times as you need. And he's just been sitting in his car

making shitty TikToks for like an hour. You'll never find another like me. Oh shit. Oh, he's got his friend who's a security guard too. shitty tech talks for like an hour. Oh, he's got his friend who's a security guard too. But is this one of the guys that turned his back on him? His friend looks like one of the Zarnia brothers. They look like the Boston market bombers. He says, if you were to ask me if private security police was a good job, I'd say, yeah, it's super rewarding career. You get to help people through some of their toughest times, protect people.

You get to serve and protect the community. You can possibly make a difference in someone's life. He's standing like at a Ross. He's standing at a Ross dressed like Judge Dredd. But if you were to ask me on a deeper level, you realize quickly that you can't help everyone and some people won't hesitate to take your life. Dude, does he work at Macy's, by the way?

I think he works at Macy's. I think he works at a TJ Maxx. You form an unbreakable bond with your fellow officers. Prepared to leave it all on the line for someone you might have just met a few minutes ago. You may neglect your family, become a different person in their eyes, see things that most people have nightmares about.

Wait, he's acting like he's in the Kandahar Valley. Dude, he's at a poor TJ Maxx. The worst thing he's ever seen is a fat woman start to have a stroke. That's the toughest thing he's seen in his job. Is the toughest thing he's ever seen is a fat woman start to have a stroke. That's the toughest thing he's seen in his job. Is the toughest thing he's done in his job is a woman in a rascal scooter fell over, he had to tip it off.

I know it is, but you have to understand, he saw the Restrepo documentary. Sure, yeah. He saw the Generation Kill. And he thinks there's tracers shooting out at night. Yeah, he thinks he's in Generation Kill. ["Generations Kill"] If you were to ask, oh, it just started over again.

Yeah, damn. I don't care what anyone says. Good people get tired of being good to ungrateful people. They are such teenagers. He's like a teenage girl. Yeah. I mean, I think he might be a teenager. He could be just 19 years old.

No, this guy is 38 years old. I can guarantee you. When it feels scary to jump in, that's exactly when you jump. Otherwise, you will end up standing the same place your whole life, and it's just a horrible picture of a Jeep in a parking lot.

Yeah. He goes, he goes, I jumped, and that's why I'm not in the same place. I'm eight minutes from my house. Working at a TJ Maxx. You know the sky looks different when you got family up there. So hard to turn the page when you know they're not going to be in the next chapter.

You know the sky looks different. He sent his family to heaven. His entire family dead. By the way, did he kill his family? No, they killed themselves because of his posts. They saw his Instagram and they all killed themselves at once Yeah I was drunk and I left the truck running in the garage and I went inside and then the fumes went up into my

Parents bedroom and everybody dad everybody dad. I was fine because I'm sure retarded. You can't kill my brain He goes I'm getting a Rivian Great life insurance policy there are four here four things you can't get back in life. The word after it's said. What word? What's the word? There's a few things you can't take back. The word after it's said.

It's blurry footage of like, is he, it's like a downtown district? I don't know, I think he snuck into a cop car to take this video real quick. Dude, he's filming this while he's looking for his like insulin medication. Yeah. Like the, where is he?

What is going on? What is he zooming in on? Dude, there's nothing happening. Why is he filming it like this? I think that's the problem. He's filming it like Inception when the hallways start to rotate and shit. You know what it is? It was, it was the, this is the first time they're like, Hey, Terry, I'm drawn.

Can you drive the company car home? And he's like, shit, I have to like, I guess I'm an ad and I have to get some shit out of this. Yeah. The worst thing is knowing you did the right thing, but being treated like the devil, he works at like, uh, it's lit, it's like a thrift store. Yeah, it's like a family dollar or something like that. It's like the place that has clothes and milk,

but not in a good way. Not like how Target has clothes and milk. Not in a convenient way, in a poor person way. Like in a crime kind of way. A place that has clothes underneath the milk There's milk on the clothes shit. Sorry It says the other guy I wanted to show you. Okay right here. Who's this game? This is dad. Well, this is I Wait, I tried to find the original tick-tock cuz this cuts off at like 210

But it's just like it's just this guy I've been fucking laughing at this Okay, all week. I say it's a it's a bald guy and it says he was clinically dead and had a terrifying experiencing heaven in hell God said depart from me and I was clinically dead for 38 minutes Yeah, so this is one of those like this is on the Christ will return tick-tock. Okay So yeah, it's that classic thing of like sure and the guy's an interview with a little girl who was pronounced dead And she said she like Jesus I went to hell cuz I'm Jewish She's a little a little Jewish Jewish good by the way this guy looks like the if the judge from blood meridie Yeah, he really does. It's he's a star has no hair at all and he looks gigantic raccoon eyes

Yeah, a cell phone from 2006. No, this looks like an eight year old's worst nightmare. He looks like Baron Arconan. My heart stopped and I was clinically dead for 38 minutes. Staircase appeared to my right of where I was laying and there was angels on that staircase on both sides and a figure came down the center of it was an Cheesecake Factory I Was at the mall

Take the red Yeah, that figure was Jesus who came down He's acting like getting called to heaven. It's like his buzzer starts buzzing like your tables ready Yeah, it's chillies that chillies gets, the story is he gets to heaven, he sees Jesus is black, and he goes, no, thank you, sir. Send me to white heaven. He gets back on the escalator,

he keeps going up past heaven to white heaven. They go, okay, you got us, there is a white heaven, it's much better. But you have to ask, or you go to black heaven. black cabins the rule which we call white hell. Here we go This has been making me laugh. So he looked a little bit like a picture that we had in our church But his hair wasn't long. It was it was very short and curly and his beard was was very well trim He saw Greek and I knew it was Jesus because I could see the scars in his hands when he took me by my hand It lifted me up out of my body

And I was okay. So first of all, he's describing a white guy. Sure. Yeah short curly He's saying he looked like a picture in our church. I love I love the guy who's like I saw Jesus, but he didn't look that gay He had short military hair. Yeah, first things first his hair wasn't long. I saw Jesus. He looked like Freddie Freeman First things first, his hair wasn't long. I saw Jesus, he looked like Freddie Freeman. That's my Jesus. He was hitting home runs. He was hitting home runs for Donald Trump. Flying over this metal, this green metal,

and I could smell honey and fresh bread, so strong. Of course, that was probably, that's probably the honey and bread I keep in my pocket. He's so fatty, he's having a stroke while in death. I know. His soul, his soul is how you throw it. His smelling toast. I've never seen someone having near death experience.

And they're like, it was a 450 degrees Fahrenheit. We had the cookies just came out. And we had that fresh Cinnabon cream right out of the oven. Crispy around the edges. The clouds were so tasty. Gooey in the middle. Crowds look like s'mores. Heaven's a beautiful place, you're full. You're full. You're full all the time, brother. All the time. But you still keep eating. And Baja Blast only costs a dollar. Yeah, the big rock candy mountain. Soda's still a dollar. That's only cost a dollar. Yeah the big rock candy mountain soda is still a dollar

So does only a dollar in heaven and heaven and heaven you just put a wrinkle dollar bill into a vending machine you get 20 ounce big red You still get cavities I lost all my teeth in heaven. Again. I appeared in heaven with my teeth again. I got a bit of a sweet teeth. He still is a doctor in heaven. He still gets checkups. He has to give blood in heaven.

My angel doctor put me on heart medication in heaven. Yeah, Jesus put me on Lipitor. The Lipitor in heaven has little halos on it. Oh, fuck. Okay. And I was taken and stood in front of this big gold door. No cure, it was transparent. Well, all of a sudden, this door just flew open by itself

and this intense light poured out of it. I could see the bones in my hands kind of like. I heard these words, depart from me you worker of iniquity, for I have never known you. And in an instant an angel on my left and an angel on my right jerked me up out of there and the peace that I was feeling while I was there was just... Dude every time he says an angel on my right jerked me up out of there and the peace that I was feeling while I was there was just. Dude, every time he says an angel jerked me. Jerked me. I just keep.

I'm getting jacked off. Yeah. Like two angels on either side just masturbating in like a rub-and-tuck place. It's like you reach around. Yeah, it's like a 20 foot, it's a biblically accurate angel is sucking his dick. Yeah, like a seraphim. Yeah, it's spinning wheels withically accurate angel is sucking his dick. Yeah, like a seraphim

Yeah, it's spinning wheels with eyes on it is sucking him off and he's just going oh Yeah, imagine they jacked off by a seven-headed like serpent Yeah, so crazy yeah a locus with the face of a woman is just riding your fucking face of a woman important detail in the book of Revelation It's a face of a world. It's not gay also. Oh sure sure fucking a giant locus from revelations with a woman's Woman's face and a scorpion's tail and you can tell by the Adam's apple that that locus I'm a woman I do I do think if there was actual biblical revelations there would be Statue Twitter accounts doing trans investigationsvestigations on the locusts

that were coming to kill everybody. You're probably right. In revelations. Anyway, sorry I got distracted. Oh yeah, yeah, here we go. Yeah, he's not done with talking about the heart. I like how he said, I could see the bones in my hands. He might have been at the doctor getting an x-ray.

He might have just been confused. Well this also might have been like, sir, how many times have you died at this point? How many times have you been to heaven? He goes, I've been to heaven 17 times. About the 10 times I've been to Disney World. Yeah, technically my apnea is so bad I die every night. Much like Jesus, I have to arise anew.

My wife took my temperature in my sleep once. It was 45 degrees It's destroyed and they carried me across this dark chasm and just dropped me It was dark what you could see by the way does he know he looks like Lester from the Adams family Yeah uncle uncle Lester. It's a star. What's his name? That's his style in spell Is fester from the adams? Oh fester fester summer retard I also like who he's like I went to heaven and I did I was a i've done a wicked things I didn't get in he's like I went well

Yeah, he's about to say he was carried across this chasm, right? The stench was so bad. It smelled like rotten flesh It smelled like the fire was so hot was so bad it smelt like rotten flesh. It smelt like India. The fire was so hot that you could feel the skin bubbling up and running off and your flesh just melting and hanging off your bone. He's like describing a barbecue. They had it hanging right off the bone. I was wrapped in tin foil and slow cooked for 14 hours. And I realized I was at Dicky's barbecue pit. They had to spray me with water every 35 minutes to get the skin just perfect. I love when big fat guys like him start describing things because it's always from the point of view of like food.

Oh no, yeah, it's yeah. It was like the river was flowing like cotton candy. It's like it doesn't even make sense. Yeah. But when you look down, there wasn't nothing wrong with it. So it could keep burning and you could keep feeling that sensation all the time. And there was no relief from it. And I wasn't standing on the floor. It was people, other people. And these people were clawing at my legs and biting at my feet and my legs trying to pull themselves out from under the people that was on top of them. And the whole time people are being dropped in from above. It's

like nobody's making it into heaven. I know that there were some folks getting in, but not nearly as many as you'd think. Cause there was a lot of them going into hell and then all of a sudden yeah that's where it cuts off i'm gonna find the full thing can i tell you but i imagine it's just more of that okay i this is reminding me of a very fun aspect of church i forgot about that it's mostly pretty normal people and then every 20th guy is this and you would watch your dad just be like hey you know good good evening good evening good to see you good evening then you guys just like and i was, good evening, and then the guy was just like, and I was dropped into fiery pitch of hell

and it burned like Ezekiel. Him saying, then he just. And so I was like, what did you do that you went to hell? Yeah, he goes, I raped many children. Me and Cormac, we went to Mexico. Yeah, we met in Centipede. I followed Tower to kindergarten. Fuck it.

With Cormac McCarthy. I'm in bed and sent to Faye. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, an episode I get everybody to just go, oh, okay, all right. Now that I think about it, by the way, Cormac, the only time he ever gave anybody advice on writing is he wrote back to a student in a high school or middle school, actually. I think it was middle school that asked for advice on writing and he wrote back how to help them with sentence structure and everything. So very...

He wrote back, does it fart? Does it fart when you fuck it? Fucking damn it. Does it sound like mac and cheese? God damn it. Fuck. Shit. Can I show you guys something that's gonna piss you off?

Sure, sure. Oh, I think I saw this one. I saw this one. Yeah, I retweeted this Yeah, this guy living pool toy remember when we talked about Lunars and people that Guy Still doing his thing he's out at sea in a little bit in a big tightly inflated and vinyl on a cruise ship That's a man inside that thing. That's a man inside that, you know, no, but I thought I showed you him Devon We talked about living cool toy. He felt cool toys Dude imagine that he falls over

You'd imagine he falls overboard Just floats there for like nine they go we're not gonna get him yeah That's uh, he's just relaxing How come he never dies in that thing I think it's full of oxygen But I don't know how he's allowed to bring oxygen tanks on the he found a way He probably snuck him in his ass or something, like little portable oxygen tanks. Oh, he's also a painter. Oh, he paints.

That's lovely. Very good. I imagine you're exploring the Titanic and you find this guy. What the fuck? He's fucking dry humping with... Yeah, he's fucking inflatable bull, maybe? Yeah, he's, guys, okay.

It's like, why are you so confused? He's in this one? Oh, okay, and there's a series of tubes running into it so he doesn't suffocate and die Okay, this is a pool toy that he's his dick is in it and he's fucking and rubbing up against the leather, right? And that's how he fucks It's not that complicated He fucks bad even for these guys. He fucks bad. I feel like I'd be pretty good at fucking in these things He's not even like long stroking the balloon. He's just kind of like rubbing his ass back and forth I can't believe people like this have like parents and stuff. Yeah

Yeah, imagine your son is into this you figure out your son you catch your son you find this account. Yeah, I Remember this type of shit, yeah Wow Why are you doing like cowgirl on the thing? He's like bending his dick down the fuck it. This is technically like suitable for work I mean, I don't have any problem with. Sure. I mean, this is not pornographic. It's just a retard thrashing against a pool toy. You can show this on the 700 Club.

This honestly should have been part of Trump's campaign. That absolutely showed his penis. We saw, I saw his penis in that. You saw his penis? Yeah. Okay, well we'll edit this whole thing out. Yeah. You have a nice hog on him?

Good dick? In the balloon game? Not good. I didn't see it. I saw his dick I was looking for it It sticks out kind of like a dog's. Oh, he's got a red rocket. Yeah the balloon. Yeah Well, I hope he kills himself I hope there's a very unfortunate accident. I hope he goes down like the head I hope he goes down like the hand of the one that...

Yeah, yeah, I hope the power grid is attacked and he suffocates in that thing at some point Yeah, it's very unfortunate we're definitely gonna see his penis in this one I feel like Yeah, it's no it's never the ones you think you're gonna see his cock He's like inside of a waifu pillow. It's amazing that he rushes home from work to do this by the way What is his he has a nine to five he works for the NSA? He's like a snowed in level like tier one operator legitimately still have no idea how he gets in the How he gets into all the suits Cuz like this is like like how did he get in this? I don't know. Dude, also him, um,

the fact that he's setting up a camera on a tripod, putting on the Charizard outfit and then fucking the thing, it's very bleak. I think he's married by the way. That's that's him. That's him Oh my god, wow face reveal Wow face reveal damn You know looks exactly like what I thought he would honestly. It's never who you think Is that actually him I believe so it says before you get completely covered in tight squeezy bondage inside your pool suit toy Make sure you have a retractable knife so you can cut it if the zipper gets stuck. Ah, damn it He's safe with it. Fuck so he was gonna die and they're gonna find him

Suffocated in this thing, but he had a knife with him. Yeah Which means he's had a couple close calls where he's like i'm gonna get found inside this if I find him dead in that thing I just throw him in the pool found inside this. If I find him dead in that thing I just throw him in the pool and we float on him for years. Sure, you have like a New Year's Eve party. Yeah. A summer barbecue. Well Ben, I hate him. It's kind of like finding like in Kill Bill when Uma Thurman escapes from being buried alive. You're like, how? Sure. Like how did this guy figure it out? He escaped. Yeah, it's the triumph It's the triumph of the human will he was panicking probably in this big giant red dragon

Mm-hmm, and luckily he had a knife I guess taped to his belly I think the first time he probably had to chew his way out He panicked and he had to bite his way out. My favorite thing is hold the go go back Yeah, sincere question in the comments. Where do you store it while inside? Oh, here we go Where do you store the knife? I'll either just hold it And once the suits inflates I'll let go and it stays held against my palm or I'll shift it next to my hand Where I can still grab it even while it's inflated It's something you have to experiment with and make sure you can get there. There's two likes on that two people were like cool

Thanks, man Yeah, he might have saved a life this is who people were like, cool, thanks, man. Yeah, he might have saved a life with this. Two people were like, note taken. Yeah, some people probably archived that. Yeah, people bookmarked it, they go, noted. So I think here he was like, honey, can you come in here real quick? He's like, I almost died inside this dragon.

When he has a wife? I think sometimes the video camera moves, so I think there's a woman involved some horror hostage for all we know I mean women are tragic and sad and you know, their desperation knows no bounds Wow, yeah, that's insane fucking insane This is like that's like the climax of girl with the dragon tattoo that is sick Stick no fuck this I'm just I'm not showing this one. I'm just letting him hear it. Why is it a little bit? Why does he fuck like that?

It's like oh my god, that's shitty fucking right he fucks like a stupid bitch. Yeah That's shitty fucking right? He fucks like a stupid bitch. Yeah I've only seen like retarded students like fuck their desk like that That looks he's a terrible fucking and that makes me pissed pissed off. He's a good man Yeah, and there's he's also got a diaper fetish. He wears inflatable diapers. Nice. It looks like, yeah. He wears inflatable diapers. Here's the, I won't play the video, but here is an inflatable diaper the man is wearing.

Yeah. There it is. There it is, and there we go. Okay. Okay. Anyway. Yeah, I think that's... Those are the things I kinda wanted to piss you guys off

with. Great job. It's fun exiting out of all these tabs because it's like security guard in Oklahoma Lunar guy and then I'm exiting out of a tab that says age of consent in New Mexico It's like you're a writer at the National Lemon party triple crown right there Been hit for the cycle this up Man well patreon.com slash lemon party.

God bless you all. Thank you for listening. I've been Avery.live for not only live dates for standup and whatnot, but. You do a live stream that I believe people have to pay for. You have to pay money to watch it. Yes. It's not completely free and streaming on Axe and YouTube every Wednesday.

And I'll start leaving those up for until the next day now so people can still watch them if they can't watch it live and then I'll put it behind a paywall. But anyway, thank you guys for just watching those and sharing them and stuff. And I got none. I think December 7th, come see me and Connor. Doing a stand up show. Yeah, hold on. Here we go. Looks like your site's down. My whole, why can't my site not be reached?

What the hell? Oh, there it goes. So go here, bennevry.live. Dates right here. December 7th, LA. There it is. Come hang out. Last time we walked all the way down to the Comedy Store.

Ooh. After the show. I wanna get Dobrik's pizza again. Yeah. Fucking really good slice that guy makes. I want to ride the bull at a saddle ranch sober. I want to like get real. Calmly? Yeah, I want to calmly ride the bull sober

and get really pissed off at like the hot women that are trying to ride it. And I go, get out of here! Ah! Can something, can I have my fucking therapy? Yeah. You show up dressed like a bull rider. Just me on a dead sober. This is in the middle. Friday night. Friday night at the Satter Ranch.

Pushing your dick and balls into the handle. I go, wait your turn, whores! I'm set up. I'm filming you on my phone and when someone walks in front of me I go That's my version of dressing up inside of a floaty toys and stuff just me Brad and the mechanical bull Friday night dead sober There would probably be two gay guys You gotta be a real sad attention or if you bring your own cowboy hat and ride that bull Yeah, that's what you look forward to like once a month you go ride the bull and everyone knows yeah You are the bull right? We should naked cowboy for like West Hollywood

Maybe you are the bull rider. We should. Yeah, I'm like the naked cowboy for West Hollywood. Every Friday night, the sober psychopath is riding the mechanical bull. He hogs it. He's the bull hog. You're literally white-knuckling the saddle. Management has to speak to you.

I put it on the lowest setting so I never fall. People are like, come on, get bucked. And I'm like, never. I just keep staring at people, and never would I get bucked. I like to ride it slow. Ah, I go, somebody get me an AMF, no alcohol. Give me an NA AMF. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Thank you for listening to the show patreon.com slash lemon party and we'll see you guys next week. Okay Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl

Nighttime would find me in roses cantina Music would play and Polina would whirl. Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. I love was deep for this Mexican maid, I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young cowboy came in Wild as the West Texas way