lemonparty - 119: The Sisters of Sevier County

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey guys, make sure you buy Aaron Gwynn's new novella, The Cannibal Owl. There'll be a link in the description here. I'm in the acknowledgments of it. It's a great novella. Let's get him on the New York Times bestseller list at American Gwynn. And also, stand-up comedy show this weekend in Los Angeles, me and the great Connor McNutt.. It's going to be a really fun show come out this Saturday. Ticket link in bio. Thanks. He did it. Hi. Hi everybody. Hi.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Yes. Hello. We had to stop a massive shit-talking Break to start the podcast Hey there you go How come every hoodie you have on where it looks like it was there's like a there's like a drawing from like a like a homeless Schizophrenic guy that was is like famous in like a really small town. Yeah, you're like the only guy was Basquiat But he was actually an insane person. Yeah Yes, they get it. Yeah, they get it then if guy who has Basquiat, but he was actually an insane person. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:25 Yes, they get it. Yeah, they get it then. If you like that too much, kill yourself. But it helps the watch time. So now they'll watch. It does. It helps the watch. So this is going to be worse.

Starting point is 00:01:32 Now, of course. You know some of the episodes will get like 30,000 views after like a couple months, and then some stay at 20? The ones with the watch time, these are the ones that get recommended to the folks because they're funnier. It's better content. Better content.

Starting point is 00:01:48 I can't wait, by the way, until 30 years from now where our careers are in the toilet and we all have to go to podcasts, trade shows, like all the wrestlers. I'm in a wheelchair, I have no legs. You're getting up in a walker and you're doing soy face with people. I'm Randy the retard.

Starting point is 00:02:04 I'm Freddie the faggot. Hey, I'm Jace the Lib. How's it going? $10 you can hit me in the face with this chair. Yeah, I'm Dem Devon. I don't know, my buddy started a riff. Now I'm a lib or something. Now I'm like, yeah, you know, it came a mean.

Starting point is 00:02:21 What do you want, kid? $5 for an autograph. And then we drive back to our sad van that we live in. We all live in a van. Man, it'd be so much easier if I could just soy face for the hour as you guys riff behind me. I'd much rather do that. Would you? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:39 Don't act like you don't like this job. It's easier. You love doing this. Don't act like this is hard. I love taking the path of least resistance. No, you love talking to him. There's been episodes where we're four hours in and we're begging you to hit stop on the record.

Starting point is 00:02:51 And you refuse because you love doing this. No, actually, I'm actually too cool to podcast. You have genuine blinders. Yeah. I can't believe what you're unaware of sometimes. Yeah. No, I'm one of the most self-aware people there's ever been.

Starting point is 00:03:06 You're the least self-aware person I've ever met in my life. Actually, one of my biggest traits is how aware I am of my awareness. The fact that you're not, you're actually not even aware that you're not a self-aware person. You would interrupt somebody trying to say their kid died

Starting point is 00:03:18 because you just keep being like, no, but here, the, I, the, Last week, last week you walked in and I told you I had a mold infection from my CPAP machine and you didn't acknowledge it and then you start talking about something else. Well, you always have something. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:32 Yeah. He's always got something going on. So first of all, I have to up top say Connor McKnight is doing stand-up comedy in Los Angeles. I can't remember the day, it's Saturday. You're on it too, bitch. Yeah, I know, but he's the stand-up comic. I go up at the end and I just have fun.

Starting point is 00:03:52 You said that like a warning. It's a shoot-em-up, it's a shoot-em-up. I go out with a gun at the end and I demand answers. Right, right. That's the show. That'd be a great stand-up show. The guy at the end with the gun. I need answers. Pressing it into every woman in the audience's head. I wanna see a guy at the end of a stand-up show the guy at the end with the gun who I need answers Yeah, pressing it into every moment in the audience's head At the end of a stand-up show he goes up with the gun and he goes up to everyone in the crowd

Starting point is 00:04:11 He goes what were you laughing at? Anyway the link is in the description Connor's so funny and so good at stand-up. Yeah, my best friend Yeah, okay. Yeah, come on. We're doing we're doing stand-up. It's on Saturday, Saturday before the Super Bowl. Before the Super Bowl. Stand-ups are really, really hard. Ben will hold the gun. And everybody's gotta come see stand-up. Ben's gotta hold the...

Starting point is 00:04:32 I've been really thinking a lot about what I'm gonna say as a stand-up show. You are such a cunt. Stand-up, what, stand-up is my first... You're such a cunt. I have such a love for stand-up. You got into it all wide-eyed. When was it, like, six months ago, Jase?

Starting point is 00:04:43 When did you get into it? It was July of last year. July. You got into it all fucking wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. I'm ironic here. I love stand-up comedy. And now you could care less. I mean, it's so, how quick it happened.

Starting point is 00:04:56 Don't worry, I'll edit all this out, actually. I don't want anyone to come. Yeah, give him the wrong date, actually. I'm gonna send this part to Connor and be like, I promoted it on the podcast, but I edited out of the main one. You texted him a raw file, like don't worry,

Starting point is 00:05:12 I got it, buddy. I had to promote something else up top too, but I forgot what it was, we had to plug something. That was important. We had to plug something? Yeah, my ass, with a big cork. Okay. Because the shit that's,

Starting point is 00:05:25 I've been having diarrhea like crazy. I found a new pizza place by me and I've just been having the squirts. Mm-hmm. You've been getting pizza all the time? Big squirty, it's been coming out like a crest out of my ass. Like crest?

Starting point is 00:05:38 Green crest, yeah. Crest is relatively solid. Viscous, viscous if I do say. Yeah, it's viscous but it comes out in a tube like formation. I'm say. Yeah, it's viscous, but it comes out in a tube-like formation. I'm hyperbolic. It's not literally water firing out of my ass, like a fire hydrant that someone backed up into.

Starting point is 00:05:52 Well, pizza will give people the shits. Yeah, it's like grease. It's all the dairy and grease. The grease melts your shit. Price egg went up and I had to start eating pizza. Price egg. Price egg. Eggs are so expensive.

Starting point is 00:06:01 I got to order $40 a pizza a day. You know why eggs are expensive? It's because of DEI. Yeah. Because the gay guys stop laying them. Trump fired the gay guys who lay the eggs. Black guys keep eating all the chickens, so we have no more eggs. The chickens are retarded black chickens.

Starting point is 00:06:22 And the chickens are eating themselves because they're black. No, I mean this country, man. This country. This country, it's a damn shame. And the chickens are eating themselves because they're black. Yeah. I mean this country, man. This country. This country, it's a damn shame. People can't even land a plane. What is this thing you're saying about, leave the pilots alone.

Starting point is 00:06:34 What did they do wrong? I saw a couple pictures of the pilots. It's DEI. They were all white. And these black sons of bitches. But were they gay? Were they gay white guys? They might have been butt fucking before landing.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Or ch... Or... That's why the plane crashed. They did find the black box in one guy's ass. It was three people butt fucking on a Black Hawk helicopter and all the pilots on the American Airlines flight butt fucking as well. Yeah, it was called butt fuck down.

Starting point is 00:07:03 They all just pull him out of the water. Yep. What were you about to ask me? What is this whole thing about me not being self-aware? You're horribly unself-aware. I'm gonna need some sort of evidence here. You can't just throw accusations at me. You get blinders on and you keep explaining something in the midst of, and there could be somebody being like,

Starting point is 00:07:24 yes, yes, that's my child, my child is missing. painting something in the midst of, and there could be somebody being like, yes, yes, that's what, yeah, my child, my child is missing. And you could just keep being like, I mean, it's just like, I don't even, you just keep going, you have no awareness. It's like you're actually, I don't even know if it's because you're tall

Starting point is 00:07:38 and you don't even see people, but you like lock in and you don't shut the fuck up. Huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No, there was three things at the beginning of this. What else do you have going on? It was the Connor McNutt stand-up comedy show. You're like, I need it. It's your stand-up comedy show. Yeah, but it's Connor's love, really. And it's Connor's.

Starting point is 00:08:13 This is what, you're being a con. I'm not being a con. You're starting a war between the podcast, frankly. Well, I'm a little mad Connor called me an airhead on Hate Watch. Well, you are. He called me a retarded airhead. He didn't call you a retarded airhead, he just said you're a bit of an airhead. Go see all the called me a retard airhead. He didn't call you a retard airhead,

Starting point is 00:08:25 he just said you're a bit of an airhead. Go see all the books I read in January. I posted them on X, I read like nine books. I'm an airhead, how dare he? I'm a bookworm. He said that for the last three weeks, you won't promote the show. I'm reading books.

Starting point is 00:08:39 He asks you every week. Too busy reading books. Too busy reading! Sorry! Sorry Connor, I'm learning. Sorry, I'm not Howie Mandel. Putting a glove on my head and blowing it up like a chicken. Like a chicken.

Starting point is 00:08:55 The only comic in America who won't promote. The only comic. Howie Mandel. The only comic is like, do not come to my show. And by the way, fuck How yeah Mandel the only comic is like do not come to my show and by the way fuck Howie Mandel Yeah, fuck him fuck that bullshit was Billy Corgan and Bill Burr. Fuck you. I say no deal. Fuck you, dude Yeah, I'll fucking rub shit in your hands fucking He was even funny on deal or no deal by the way just open open suitcases

Starting point is 00:09:22 When was Howie Mandel ever funny? I don't get it. He's a comic, but it's like, is he a comic in the way that like, he was literally a prop comic in the late 80s. Put a big glove on his head, pretend he was a chicken, shove like a, Like literally do a shilling. Yeah, like shove a plunge up his ass

Starting point is 00:09:38 and be like, look, I'm a faggot. He was like the guy that like is like hired by the hospital to make like cancer patients like fake laughs. He was Patch Adams, but he kept killing the kids hospital to make cancer patients fake laugh. He was Patch Adams but he kept killing the kids because he didn't make them laugh. The kids were like, please, just shut me off. See, I was a fan of him then. Deal or no deal? No, no, like in the 80s.

Starting point is 00:09:58 You were a fan in the 80s? Well, I wasn't born yet. You liked his 80s work. I've seen clips of him like he'd like you piss in a jar sure that's That's on my goal. Did he cuz that sounds great for what I've heard about what he's done I don't know what would he do actually he put a glove on his head He blew it up like a chicken I think he had to run around he had to stop because it was fucking his head up

Starting point is 00:10:21 I think the doctor told him to stop doing it. Because he was like squeezing his skull or something. Anyway, so now he's a billionaire who's addicted to money and, you know, but the money and obviously you still have the void. So even though you have billions of dollars and you own 3000 properties in California, still not enough. So you have to have a podcast.

Starting point is 00:10:39 Do your show. With your family. With your daughter or whatever. You corner Bill Burr and you suck ass. You know, four generations now, or four decades now, you've got to be a famous comedian who is relevant and it just can never stop. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:55 It can never, you're in your 60s now. You're still, sitcoms, TV, reality, TV, podcast, never stops. He had a kids show, that's how desperate he was for any relevancy. Howie's World, we used to watch it back in the day. Remember, it would be a little Howie Mandel, he's running a tricycle around. He's genuinely never been funny to me.

Starting point is 00:11:11 I didn't know he did comedy, I just was like a kid and I was like, he's the open suitcases guy. His name is Howie, that's why he still gets to be a guy. Is he Canadian or something? I don't even think he's Canadian. Who knows? Just Jewish, yeah. He's Jewish. He is Jewish. Could it name a guy. Is he Canadian or something? I don't even think he's Canadian. Who knows? Just Jewish, yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:26 He's Jewish. He is Jewish. Could have named a single bit the big Howie Mandel moment. No. Not a clue. And he's cornering Bill Burr. If anybody doesn't know, he cornered Bill Burr on his own show and made him meet his stepbrother.

Starting point is 00:11:38 Which some people acted like that was definitely fake and I'm like, that seemed totally real to me. No, that was real. Was that real? I assumed it was real to me. What's that real? I assumed it was fake or seems completely real to me. It's real watched it But I don't know. Well anyway, Bill Burr has a black wife, so I don't like him. How many does a fucking slug? Oh Yeah, yeah, let's get into that stuff Yeah, I just get into that. Hey, I've been a you know, Bill's put out some of the most amazing comedy specials of all time

Starting point is 00:12:03 Just realize his wife was black Don't like it. He had one bad ass on Elsa so he's been he's been bad for so go to hell fuck you Definitely wouldn't be afraid of Bill Burr setting his sights on me Every single time I see people talk shit about Bill Burr, I just go, oh God, I'm praying he somehow finds you. Has a lazy, slow day. Is bored. I mean, can we stop? He will annihilate you.

Starting point is 00:12:34 He's a legend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn Devin. Damn Devin. How's Bill Burr even a damn? He probably calls his wife, yeah. He keeps calling her Patrice while they're fucking. He goes, take it Patrice, fuck you.

Starting point is 00:12:53 Yeah, no, he's not, he might be at them. Whatever. Who gives a shit? Enough, stop it. Everyone's so retarded. Can we stop letting these things take, you ruin your entire view of everything based on a Blue red. Mm-hmm. You have a little you have like a little paper bag test you do for base grid Wait, so so people are mad at bill burr because he goes on TV and he says that like Dems are good or something

Starting point is 00:13:22 like he goes on Kimmel and argues about how like. He like said like gay shit about the fires, but like what he said was also seemingly like, kinda correct, like there was a bunch of wind. It was 100 mile per hour wind. It wasn't like I immediately, when the fires were happening I wasn't immediately, I didn't look at tree limbs blocking freeway off ramps

Starting point is 00:13:44 and go, fucking blacks. The black people were trying to steal trees. I didn't see embers flying over to dry brush and go, ah, dykes. These fucking blacks trying to light their blinds starting fires. Every fucking faggot that has something to say about LA lives in a fucking city where they have to drive

Starting point is 00:14:08 45 minutes on the interstate to buy fucking rotted broccoli from Walmart. You'd never visit San Francisco in the fucking first place. All they do is talk about the state of San Francisco or crime in LA. You're a pussy. You're supposed to be this big tough fucking man marine guy that like provides for his family and you're afraid of some fentanyl riddled

Starting point is 00:14:30 addict faggot on the street how come I'm fine with it and I'm gay I'm a pussy I suck cock I'm terrified every every every corner I make every every time I turn a corner I'm terrified I'm not online every day talking about the state of fucking liberal cities, bitch! Hey, this is my impression of a Republican. Oh no, it's a homeless guy! He might have it with a knife or some unwelcoming- He might hurt me really bad and give me a boo-boo-boo! I'm so scared of the guy who weighs 65 pounds!

Starting point is 00:15:03 Oh no, he's a zombie. Oh no, he smells like shit and piss and he's dying. Yeah, you fucking pussy. Pussy bitch. Jesus Christ, they love anybody they fucking, that they attack to have horns and to be like chewing grass in a field. Get tough.

Starting point is 00:15:22 Get tough, bitch. Wrap duct tape around your femoral arteries. Good God, how about you get a little used to a schizophrenic in the middle? They should move here all these Practice right there all these tough guys move here. Yeah fucking George Floyd, I guess. I don't know what you people want. Stop talking about our cities. Hey, man, I don't know how the hell you live in LA. If I had your life, I would kill myself in a second. I'd literally blow my head off.

Starting point is 00:15:56 I'd rather deal with fucking year-round fires. I go, what are my entertainment options? I walk outside, I see a tumbleweed fucking a fat bitch on meth, and I go like, well, I guess I have to kill myself. You guys are just coping. Cause you're like liberals that live in a show. Yeah. Sure, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:09 You guys are, cope harder fag. I'm just so sick of these fucking losers. Upvote, upvote, upvote. Walking up to Bill Burr's black wife, cope. Cope. Cope. Smoking that copium. Your black wife who you love and you had children with, cope, fuck you.

Starting point is 00:16:26 It is kind of funny to move out of California and then pretty much like 40% of the things you talk about is California. They're obsessed, they're obsessed with California. Well, like, I mean, the people that moved to Texas and then they just, on their podcast still, they're all they're talking about is California. It's their favorite thing to do,

Starting point is 00:16:39 it's not about California. You don't live here anymore. I thought it sucks. So enjoy your time. Do you leave your wife and then constantly talk about her with your friends all the time at the bar? You're a live here anymore. I thought it sucks. So enjoy your time. Do you leave your wife and then constantly talk about her with your friends all the time at the bar? You're a faggot. California sucks.

Starting point is 00:16:50 Move on. So shut up about it. Move on. So shut up about it. Enjoy Texas. Enjoy. Enjoy. And yeah, there's a ton of-

Starting point is 00:16:57 All we changed out of here soon enough. We lived 20 years in Texas. We know it sucks ass. You're lying. It sucks ass. Yeah, there was a ton of issues with the fire. There's a ton of issues with the fire. There was a ton of issues with the fire. But by the way, hey, your fucking grandmother

Starting point is 00:17:07 is gonna die this year because of the ice storms that come that fucking your paralyzed faggot governor doesn't handle. By the way, your governor is a paralyzed faggot. Yeah, you do have a crippled governor. And you talk shit about us? Your governor can't stand. Yeah, and your governor. At least Newsom can stand while he lies

Starting point is 00:17:27 Your governor started tweeting hard shit like we can't just push him down a set of stairs and he'll die Kidding me and I'll throw him off the top balcony like that scene in fucking the pianist Like I can't stand for anything Yeah to the street suck my dick he made all of his money off of a lawsuit scam. Greg Abbott? Because he was jogging and a tree fell on him and paralyzed him and then he sued the people that owned the tree.

Starting point is 00:17:52 Yeah. And won a bunch of money and he gets checks from the government all the time. Cause he's a fucking freeloader. Yeah, I gotta stop saying faggot. I say too much about people. But yeah, he's a paralyzed asshole. Greg faggot.

Starting point is 00:18:03 Yeah, very good, very good. There we go, very good. He actually got paralyzed from getting fucked in the ass. I'm just, I'm like kind of fascinated by the obsession with California when people go, who cares, fuck them, it's a liberal shithole. Go off, Devin. All they do is talk about. If you actually didn't care, you'd never fucking talk

Starting point is 00:18:20 about them. Why would you discuss it? Who cares, who cares? It's just sad that Devin's living out like this, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you discuss it? Who cares, who cares? This is sad that Devon's libbing out like this, by the way. Ah! You're the ultimate lib cover to fucking kid jizz. Ah! Look at you, fucking watching cuties on the way here in the car.

Starting point is 00:18:37 My daughter's throwing so much yogurt on me, I'm gonna get arrested. What are you doing in there? Yeah, yeah, yogurt, that's it. She throws yogurt at me I don't know if the time your daughter's trying to frame you for pedophilia You guys a daddy go to jail get free

Starting point is 00:18:55 It's a she's mad at me because I'm not giving her cookies. Yeah, you just like Dad, Dad didn't give me pee mush. It's always funny every time I see you. The most evil one-year-old of all time. Yeah, the bad seed. Daddy didn't give me pee mush in a go-gurt bag. So, he's going to jail. Make sure I get raped in prison. You're going to get raped in prison, Dad Dad.

Starting point is 00:19:21 Bye, Black Guys. Specifically, Black Guys. Specifically Black Guys! Hey guys, if you're ready to kick back and not leave the house for the weekend, which I know a lot of our fans are ready to do, you need a headset from Turtle Beach. Their new Gen 3 Stealth 700 headset picks up crystal clear sound so you can hear everything that's going on. You can seamlessly switch between your consoles and your PC with the industry's first cross-play dual wireless transmitter system. You can even stay connected to your console while being on your phone taking a call.

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Starting point is 00:20:43 I can't believe Devon's living out like this. The Patreon's just falling out of the sky like the damn DEI planes. Mm-hmm. The Patreon looks like the planes in the sky. I'm not living out. This is actually a very Republican stance of mine. No, but that's not how the world works anymore, Devin.

Starting point is 00:21:00 So if you say anything that's anti a thing that they believe, they just assume you're living out and being a lib. That's how everything is. Right. You're actually being a lib by pointing that out. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:11 I think it's, by the way, I think it's fine. I think it's fine we replace the air traffic controllers with Anthony and Kamiya doing a white elbow check. I think that's completely fine. So the pilots of the planes were white people. Yeah. And their guys are girls. There was one girl.

Starting point is 00:21:31 There was one girl, but they said that it was the pilot of the Blackhawk helicopter, and then they refuted it later, and then it was like not a woman. There was one pilot of the plane who seemed Mexican. We're still not sure about that. He might have been a Spaniard black. That's what I thought. I thought he was a Mexican guy. But I don't think it was his fault.

Starting point is 00:21:49 I think he crashed into the black hot. Pretty sure it was the air traffic controller's fault or whatever was going on. So this is Biden's fault or Trump's fault or no one's fault? No, it was Biden who's not president. No, it was his fault. I guess.

Starting point is 00:22:03 I don't really know. I have no clue. I have no clue. I'm not gonna pretend to know. Not a clue. I don't know if it was anybody's fault. It might have just been somebody, a really bad, just a pilot error.

Starting point is 00:22:15 Could have been an amazing pilot. I will say the minute I see 70 bodies falling into the ocean just tumbling, I go, God, I can't wait to politicize this. I can't wait to make this about my gay ass shitty diarrhea point. It kind of feels like everybody online is not playing with dolls on the floor

Starting point is 00:22:33 and they're making them like... They go, even Jews have... And they make their Jews kiss. They have a point there. No, I mean, the plane hadn't hit the water. That I agree with. The plane hadn't hit the water and people were tweeting like, they haven't told us the names.

Starting point is 00:22:49 Probably the fucking Jews. I'm like, oh, okay, all right, give it like a day or two before Illumina, hey, add Illuminati bot, give it a day. No, I mean, everything going on in the country can just be like broken down into a microcosm and then you keep going and then you go, it's actually Hassan Piker versus Ethan Klein.

Starting point is 00:23:12 That's the country. Hassan Piker got all those ATF agents to quit. Even the retarded left. I thought both those shitheads were left wing. And they're like, they are like fighting or something. No, I mean, Ethan Klein's like, descending into like a sunset Boulevard spiral. No, he's literally retarded.

Starting point is 00:23:33 The guy can't put together a coherent sentence. Son Piker does politics for like 12 year olds. I mean, he like hangs out with like cappy boroughs. And like, he's at like petting zoos. And then he like says like, bro, bro, it's fucking bro. Bro, bro, are you kidding me, bro? He's like, you're a fucking retard, bro. It's fucking, fucking dumb.

Starting point is 00:23:50 He's fucking like, Palestine is like fucking, like let Palestine live, bro. And then like 12 year olds go like, isn't it Palestine, yeah. Everyone's a moron, except me, I'm a god. Exactly. And I read. I am god and I know everything. And I know exactly what I'm talking god. And I read. I am god and I know everything.

Starting point is 00:24:06 And I know exactly what I'm talking about. Everything I think is right, even if it's later proven to be wrong. I'm not flying by the seat of my pants. I'm not drunk on my own podcast saying things. I'm not drunk, just saying shit to try to be funny. Take it seriously. Lib.

Starting point is 00:24:24 Damn, he's a damn Lib. You weren't wearing pink shorts. Lib, the end. Here, let me write the Devin Costa book, ready? Once upon a time, there was a fucking Lib. You know, people hate when you do this. People hate this. People hate when you do this to me.

Starting point is 00:24:43 People are on my side, generally. I still hate when you do this to me. People are on my side generally. And you keep doubling down because you have this, it's kind of like what I said earlier, you could just keep talking and there's like a kid with cancer trying to like speak up, they're like last words. Yeah, yeah, you're at a casino, you're hitting on 48.

Starting point is 00:25:02 You keep calling me a lib, no one even knows what you're talking about. I'm probably the most psychopathic person on the show. Well, I mean, you are a lot of the time, actually. Thank you. You're pretty crazy. Thank you. You're pretty crazy.

Starting point is 00:25:15 But I appreciate that. You and I could join forces, but you've been fighting me for a while now. Let's actually put this to rest a little bit. Can we put it to rest? I mean, Jesus. Can you guys bury the damn hatchet? Hatchet buried.

Starting point is 00:25:26 Hatchet buried. Hatchet buried. So does this mean we're both libs now? Are we both Republicans? I don't even know what is a- Well, we gotta choose a thing to bond over. What is a lib? What's a Republican and what's a lib right now?

Starting point is 00:25:36 Because I feel like right now, I feel like even people that voted for Trump are kind of like, uh. Okay, so Devan, here's the thing. Every morning you need to check what is cringe and what is based because it's constantly moving and you need to change your personality, your values and everything around what is cringe and based.

Starting point is 00:25:53 You need to change every day. Cringe based, cringe based. Have no actual thoughts or anything. Just whatever was cringe yesterday is now based. Now based. Devin, right now we're pretending to be Catholic today. We might be fucking Mormon tomorrow, we don't know. That's true, that's true.

Starting point is 00:26:06 You gotta adapt or die, man. Grift or die, honestly. Yeah, we can't be cringe, the last thing we need to be is cringe. So like, we need to be based. Yeah, like what's, just what's going on? What, a genuine question, like what is happening? Like are we, like they're like,

Starting point is 00:26:24 like Canada and Mexico where they started like a trade war. Is that gonna help us? Is that like cool and American? What's base, do you know what's base? What is the base one? Are the tariffs base? Tariffs base?

Starting point is 00:26:37 Okay. Are tariffs base, by the way, I have a family. Here's what. Yeah. Also have a family, I'm terrified for the future. Are we gonna be eating our own farts and that's our eggs? It does smell like sulfur or something.

Starting point is 00:26:49 Dude, at this point, eggs are so much I'm eating the shells. I'm like, I need to get all the, I need to get my money's worth here. It's like when you get down to the bag of popcorn and you start eating the corn. Yeah, yeah, you're about to rip off paper. Breaking your back teeth. I know, I got excited I found I found 18 eggs for $12 a day

Starting point is 00:27:09 I got I got genuinely excited about that, but then you're like supposed to be kind of like well Are some of these eggs could be like can I get sick from this fuckin? Egg. Oh, yeah, every egg will kill you who cares egg prices are different every day. Sometimes. They're normal at the Whole Foods Sometimes they don't have them. Sometimes. Yeah, eggs are big- And please stop sending me messages by the way that you go, I don't know what the deal is

Starting point is 00:27:30 with where you live because I get eggs from the farmer next to me for three dollars a dozen. We get it, I get it. We get it, you live in Mayberry. The mayor of your town is a chicken. That's why eggs are so cheap. Sorry, we live in a real place. I don't know what to tell you.

Starting point is 00:27:46 Our mayor's not a chicken. For the love of God. On a floor with a yes or no, and we decide on bills on which she shits on. We understand you have a TV and internet, so it feels like life. I don't understand, my house only cost 80 grand. Of course, it was filled with my grandpa who raped me.

Starting point is 00:28:03 This is exciting. I love that me and Devin have joined forces finally. We've joined forces now. I love this, we just have to figure out what we are. What are we then? I don't know. Are we based?

Starting point is 00:28:13 I don't know, I just kinda come down here and I start screaming. I don't know either anymore. Then I go up there and I'm sad again. I don't know either, I thought actually, for a little bit I thought like, I guess this is gonna be okay. But then Trump, he puts things into action so quickly

Starting point is 00:28:26 You know hey, that's amazing. I didn't know I always forget that like the president can actually do things That's why Trump is so popular. You're like wow look at him. He's throwing fastballs What does go mean does it mean planes fly out of the sky every every 10 every 10 hours and We but he said that was because of the old policy that he had to change he had to change sky every 10 hours and we have a train wars. But he said that was cause of the old policy that he had to change. He had to change, yeah and maybe that probably, I'm hoping that is just true.

Starting point is 00:28:52 I'm hoping that is the case. And so maybe the planes aren't gonna, but they are saying that the economy and everything is gonna get really, really bad. And I don't, but that is the end, that should be, that's crazy, cause I thought we already went to the economy being bad Well, just just you ate buddy. So and here's an interesting

Starting point is 00:29:09 So the markets open tomorrow, right? Right now the markets are not physical things They actually are on the internet but much like a store. They don't open until a certain time Mm-hmm. Now there is a number for the markets high numbers are good. Low numbers are bad, right? People are projecting tomorrow. The numbers will be low. But we don't know right now. O'Reilly It's a fun part of living in America. We go, hey, a bunch of rich people were really sad today, so your mom doesn't have a job anymore. And that's a part of living in this country. Shenmue I mean, it might as well be. Isn't the stock market like Punxsutawney-Phil, where

Starting point is 00:29:41 it's like whatever, if the gopher comes out and sees sees its dick and it's small or if he has a boner. They go, there'll be two more months of woke. And then everybody boos. They, yeah. Yeah, and he goes. They boo the groundhog. Yeah, they go, there'll be six months of base. And everybody goes, woo!

Starting point is 00:29:58 The groundhog comes out with a huge boner. Mm-hmm, yeah, and he fucks it. He says the N-word. He fucks it, yeah, he says the N-word and he says fuck black people. And we go, woo! Punksitani Phil Margera. Ben. Big fat groundhog that comes out and says the N-word. He says the N-word and I go, dude, I've replaced actual policy he goes, people in the department, in the government don't have to have their pronouns listed in their bio anymore and someone tweeted

Starting point is 00:30:32 that and they're like, but when is the, what about the price of groceries? And like everyone was retweeting that. And then when they're asking that stupid bitch that he appointed to speak for him. Oh, that one, yeah, she said, she said, She's not answering the question about whether grocery prices are gonna come down and that's what we're all, cause like I'm getting fucked on insurance, right?

Starting point is 00:30:51 Cost of living's really high, everything's really hard for everybody everywhere. Money barely means anything now. They fuck us every which way. You gotta let me buy an egg. You gotta let me buy a block of cheese. You gotta let me buy. Let daddy get an egg.

Starting point is 00:31:02 She also said like. You can't take my egg. She also said we spent like $50 million on sending condoms to Gaza or something. And they turned it into bombs. That was disproven on X, which is based. I saw a steak ad that disproved that on X. Guys, I wanna make sure that we are the most

Starting point is 00:31:23 based podcast that has ever lived. We're trying to be as based be a basis, but here's the thing if you're too base Then you're an edge Lord you don't be edge with it. So you want to be you want to be base You don't want to be cringe. Mm-hmm. So I think here's here's how it goes you go. I'm Byzantine Catholic now I'm not sure what that means Sure, it's it's actually the, it's the sec. Put it there, my base brother. Base. Base. To the base moon we are. Yeah, then we go, we're base, which means

Starting point is 00:31:52 I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks about me. That being said, I have the exact opinion that will make people think I'm cool on everything. But I don't know, I can't keep up with it. It's exhausting. And I'm making a cringe fool of myself out there. You're a damn cringe fool. and I'm making a cringe fool of myself out there.

Starting point is 00:32:06 You're a damn, you've been a damn cringe fool for a while. I've been a damn, I've been a dunce. You've been a damn dunce cringe fool. I've been a cringe dunce. So cringe. In this world, you're either based or a cuck. People who are anonymous on the internet

Starting point is 00:32:22 will often tell me I'm cringe. Yeah. And their profile picture is an egg. And I try to, I reach into the phone and get the egg. No, one of my favorites is I- The eggs are mocking me. Pretty soon those will be the only eggs. If the DEI has their way.

Starting point is 00:32:37 If DEI has their damn way, if these retarded minorities keep running everything, we won't have damn chickens. I know, no it's great. I did a drawing the other day where I just did another fat retarded guy with the skin melting off his body and somebody replied they go this is a straw man and I clicked on his gun I go this is the guy in my drawing he looks exactly like the guy. You're the drawing man. Do you know this guy named Robbie Starbuck? No. He just keeps making me laugh. He's on Peterson's podcast,

Starting point is 00:33:06 and the thumbnail is Robbie Starbuck and Peterson, and they're in front of a target in the thumbnail. Like, they're photoshopped in front of a target. And the title of the clip is The War Against D. We Are Winning the War Against D. And it's Robbie Starbuck and Peterson like this, and it's like, when? I'm like, can I, I'm like can I,

Starting point is 00:33:25 I'm like do I have to move next month? Like what's happening? Do dollars, does money mean anything? Why are you guys talking about the Target t-shirts? Yeah, you asked Jordan Peterson like how do we make like inflation stop and he goes fuck Caillou. Caillou's dad's a cop, fuck him. Bald fag, you bald fag, fuck you Caillou.

Starting point is 00:33:46 There's chapels everywhere for Caillou's who see. Or cathedrals. Cathedrals, whatever. It's, but I keep laughing. There's this guy, I don't know who this guy is, Robbie Starbuck, but I just kept walking around being like Johnny McDonald's, Robbie Starbuck. Like everybody just named him.

Starting point is 00:34:03 Never was that. They're their favorite chain. Jimmy Waterburger. Yeah, Chris Canes. Yeah, they go, I name myself after Canes because I get half off on Cane Tenders. Stevie Shake Shack. I was adopted by Shake Shack. They are my legal guardian and can kill me if they want.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Everybody's just clearly like, Steve Bannon is saying, he did this interview where he said, the Republican Party They're all bunch of pussies now and it's all controlled opposition and they're trying to ruin the country Yeah, and like that's what's good. And then I see guys like Robbie Starbuck. I'm like, well, he's not a real person Yeah, I don't know who he is. That's what's interesting is that the Republican Party is like it's like But you so do we have to care about like like those guys like? care about like those guys? Like that shit.

Starting point is 00:34:45 That you just sit like. I care about the IEW. If guys like Steve Bannon and shit, like how is it cool to be for tech guys? The tech oligarchs? That's gay. Peter Thiel. That's not based to me.

Starting point is 00:34:59 Mark Andreessen, Mark Zuckerberg. These guys are. Based. These are the guys that ruined everything back in 2016. They fucked the internet up. They censored shit. I say we give them a second chance.

Starting point is 00:35:10 They're all pretending now that they never wanted to do anything. No, Devin, they've all had a very sincere change of heart. They just didn't wait until the day after the election was over and then choose their allegiance based on that. Yeah. No, it's all complete faggotry. Are we gonna be waiting in like a bread line?

Starting point is 00:35:26 But like people are like, you know, they don't even ask your pronouns though when you get up there. It's pretty sick I'd say it's worth it. Do that kid. Oh, yeah, I'd say it's worth it Totally say did you look around see any fucking homos in this bread line? Is that a is that a black rifle coffee wheelbarrow? Are you putting you putting your bread and cash in the in the in the based line? Is that a black rifle coffee wheelbarrow? Are you putting your bread and cash in the base wheelbarrow? They go, dude, I love being in the road warrior universe because there's no black people chained in my car that I'm butt fucking for oil and gas.

Starting point is 00:35:59 Yeah. We need the, we, Devvin, here's something that we, and Jace, you can join in. Yes, please, Ben. No, I will not, I will not. Oh yeah, you're lib. Get it. Jace is actually lib, but we're fine with it.

Starting point is 00:36:11 Cringe lib. I'm a cringe lib, and you know what? It's a beautiful thing. Beautiful thing. You gotta have one around to know what they're like. Exactly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. There's many times when we're not recording when I go,

Starting point is 00:36:23 you know, I think gay marriage should be legal, and they go, aw, that's so cute. You do the cringe lib. No, what was that? Fuck, I forgot what I was gonna say. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, about being a cringe lib? Oh. Well here's the thing, I'm thinking five years

Starting point is 00:36:41 in the future, I've built my house on cringe lib. I've built my house on the rockselib. I built my house on the rocks. You built your house on sand. And I know the winds of change will eventually come back. It just swings back every four years. Eventually, Cringelib will be cool again. So Jace is doing the classic thing where a hot girl is coming.

Starting point is 00:36:58 And you get your, so your wife doesn't see you looking at the hot girl, you put your eyes to where, it's that classic thing, and then they walk in front. I see I see hot girl walking down the block and I turn to my wife I go oh, well look at that person the mirror over there She's looking and then I put on my Google glasses so I can take pictures of her tits zoomed in or let's relate to the Republicans Here if you're dove hunting you you don't aim at the bird you aim where the bird is going to yeah You leave the bird time for the for the the BBs in the shell to disperse That's what I'm playing. I'm playing 40 ch lib chests right now. Yeah, and I've got you're actually probably got to wait like 18 years

Starting point is 00:37:34 You think I'm oh no, you'll be 57 I'll be waiting and then it turns it to me and I'm a skeleton with a big Beard on now I was gonna freeze over. I'm saying we need a return to what the, we need the Tea Party movement. This is what I realized listening to Steve Bannon. We need the return to that Tea, that damn Tea Party movement. Not the Boston Tea Party, the new.

Starting point is 00:38:03 I like Steve Bannon. He's like a one man old Navy ad. I go, what if a booger was really smart? What if a booger wore an oversized coat? What if a booger was a man of the people? So now, here's the problem with, cause me and Devin needed you in forces here for good. Sure.

Starting point is 00:38:26 And make the world a better place. I do wanna make the world a better place. Well have you heard, they made a, Trump signed something that goes like, now teachers can't talk about all their big gay sex anymore. Oh really? The guy was, the person was like, how am I supposed to teach, I will get fired

Starting point is 00:38:46 if I ever even discuss that I'm gay or this and that. And for a second I did, my cringe-lit brain went, that's kinda crazy. And then I go, but why the fuck would you ever even need to say that? Just fucking teach the class. Yep, Devin's right. Why would you have to make that a law?

Starting point is 00:39:02 Why would that ever be a part? And that's because we got so used to that being a thing apparently. Yes. You know? I saw that on TikTok. I saw that, I don't have TikTok, because that's for cringe libs.

Starting point is 00:39:13 I saw it on TikTok when it was based. It was based on TikTok. That was when TikTok was based? Trump brought it back for a day, and I go, it's based, and I downloaded it. Okay, gotcha. Then it became cringe libs. Gotcha, gotcha.

Starting point is 00:39:23 But yeah, I saw that, and I that, and for a second I was like, oh, that's crazy, whoa, we're not letting people be gay anymore, but I'm like, why the, I never knew my teacher was gay, we just hypothesized it. We would just go, yeah, he's probably a fag. Can I understand something in terms of like exactly? But he wasn't like telling us about like going out

Starting point is 00:39:43 with his husband or something. Sure, but he was a guy with a little rainbow pin on his stupid satchel backpack. I guess. And then now I'm wondering though, but then do the same rules apply? Are you allowed to talk about taking your girlfriend out as a teacher?

Starting point is 00:40:01 Yeah, cause it's cool. Oh wow. It's cool. That's cool though, cause you get pussy. Cause you're getting pussy, and kids need to learn about getting pussy. Kids need to know about pussy. Finger banging and eating pussy.

Starting point is 00:40:10 And last resort should be butt sex. So here's the- If you're trapped on an island, and you need to come, God forbid. I mean- Go on, Baseman. Kids should be allowed to fuck each other. Sorry, but they should be allowed to fuck each other Sorry, but they should be allowed to fuck each other kids kids should fuck kids can

Starting point is 00:40:30 One of my biggest regrets in life is that I never fucked kids when I was a kid. I know it's true Yeah, sure you really missed out there. There was a follow-up that I didn't want people to cut that One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't fuck kids is when I was a kid. Kids need to, you get out there, get that hand job. From Sarah. Go see the newest shitty movie and get jacked. Get sucked, get fucked. I've talked to friends, I was the same. I was a little Christian boy, I could have fucked and sucked.

Starting point is 00:40:59 I can't believe what I missed out on. I completely missed out because I was a little Christian boy and I've talked to friends who fucked and sucked when they were 15 years old. And I go, can you right now think about getting sucked off by another 15 year old? And he goes, yeah. And I go, damn.

Starting point is 00:41:12 No, it's legal. They can't invade your memories. And I have none of those memories. I have to live vicariously through my friends' memories of getting jacked by Baze Ben. By Baze. I'm actually dark woke and Baze. You're dark woke.

Starting point is 00:41:31 You're dark woke. I'm Baze. You're Baze, you're Baze Ben. I love being fucking Baze. Anytime I hear the word Baze now, it's like hearing the word Moxie. Like someone going, that kid has Moxie. Yeah, it's like going, that lady has a lot of class.

Starting point is 00:41:46 She's based. I just, uh. My grandson's based. Is it OK? My grandson's not cringe. He got a cringy face. I didn't kill Asians in Vietnam. My grandson's a based badass. And he takes the pussy. Asians and

Starting point is 00:42:07 And he takes the pussy I got a kid nephew. He never took the pussy He's a damn creep. What is the tea party? I forgot about these fucks The movement advocates a national economy operating without government oversight. Movement goals include limiting the size of the federal government, reducing government spending, lowering the national debt and opposing tax increases. Oh, so I guess Elon is a Tea Party guy? Isn't that kinda what he's doing?

Starting point is 00:42:38 I don't know. I hope so. Elon. No, Elon really cares about this country and all the Americans in it. I hope Elon gets trapped in one of his cars in a fire. Yeah, I truly hope you wanna get strapped somewhere It's raped to death, but I was stuck in a cave or something. Why is the tea party moving on the NAACP's website? What is this all about?

Starting point is 00:42:56 If Trump is what is that income tax thing Trump goes I'm gonna end income tax That would be nice that sounds like candy land that sounds like the greatest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, it's kind of like him going like, and there will be no homework going forward. Yeah, that's exactly for adults. That's like the adult version of like, and everyone's gonna get a pool full of pudding. Yeah, no homework and the water fountains

Starting point is 00:43:17 will have Kool-Aid in them. I mean, the only thing I've ever been upset by, really, in life is that you have to pay a bunch of people that you never met All the money you made. Yep, you know, so like that ends that's crazy But then is that gonna be counteracted by the tear by tariffs or something and then like yeah I'm not gonna pretend that fucking that like a mango $20 now cuz we don't pay income tax But I guess fine man, I don't eat fruit. I Don't eat that. Yeah, fuck that shit. That's just for the coyotes. It's a shit. I mean bread and steak

Starting point is 00:43:50 There's a an income tax and then everything else goes up I'll just like I'll eat it like I'll play a look over the rest of my life Yeah, like like like the cheap like five dollars value. Yeah I'm paying come tag me eat that shit like a raccooncoon I'm paying come taxes your bitch Give a shit this raccoon couldn't crawl to my dumpster. They got so fat. It was in my tray I came home the track the raccoon was so fat. He could barely get out of my trash can. I'm like damn I gotta shape up You have to shape up. Yeah, because I'm like this raccoon. It's in my trash every night

Starting point is 00:44:23 Got fat as fuck you It can barely climb out. You're eating so bad you're hurting your local ecosystem. It's like pollution. You farted in your house so much that it's killed the small indigenous birds. The raccoon popped out and my headlights were shining right up my dumpsters. It looked like Don Vito.

Starting point is 00:44:41 It's little mask was like razor thin because it stretched out so much. Big fuck. Big fucker. Hey, speaking of kids though, because we were talking about kids fucking, I want to stay on subject. Sure.

Starting point is 00:44:55 And that is by the way, we did a deep dive on nambla.org on the Patreon. So go check that out. Patreon.com slash lemon party. I, when I was on Nambla's website, I just remembered something that uh apparently this was a big debate I guess it was last year like somewhat recently Jace Do you remember the movie blank check from the 90s of course I do did you see the movie blank check Devon remember? It's a kid who I think a guy backs over him in a parking lot need the kids on a bike in the kid

Starting point is 00:45:25 I just gives him a check. He goes just get a new bike. He's like, I'm late to my big Wall Street fucking I'm late to my massage meeting with Jeffrey Epstein. Here's a blank check Yeah from Israel if you were a girl, you'd be in my truck. I'd be I'd be fucking your ass right now in my trunk But you're a boy. So here's a check from Israel ink. I Have a fucking my dick's in a fucking, my dick's in a cock cage right now. My dick's in a cock cage. Otherwise I'd. My dick's in a cock cage, I'm George Clooney's cousin,

Starting point is 00:45:49 the actor. Wait, is he really in the movie? Yeah, the guy in the movie is George Clooney's cousin. He's also the detective in Twin Peaks. Damn, you're good. Wait, which detective in Twin Peaks? The bald guy with the big nose. Oh, nice.

Starting point is 00:46:03 The forensics guy. He died of smoking. He did? Yeah, he also. Good, fuck him. Yeah, fuck him. Fuck him. For no reason.

Starting point is 00:46:12 Fuck him, man, I heard he was a bad guy. Fuck. So there's a scene in Blink Check, now I forgot about this as a kid. So the kid, he writes himself a check for like a kazillion dollars or something. This is the plot of the movie. He ends up eating ice cream.

Starting point is 00:46:29 He dresses up like a sumo wrestler. He loves... He does. He puts a big slide in a castle that he lives in. And this is when the gold diggers come around. His teacher, I believe his teacher, and this is what Nambla, they wrote a whole article about it on their website.

Starting point is 00:46:43 Because this sparked a debate where there's one scene in the movie, And this is what Nambla, they wrote a whole article about it on their website. Cause this sparked a debate where there's one scene in the movie, and this is a Disney film, where the woman who's his teacher, she's in her like 30s or 40s, leans over and gives him a big wet kiss on the lips. And the boy is 12 years old in the movie. When they're outside that fountain, she's like, okay, I'll humor you.

Starting point is 00:47:02 And then she like kisses him and like touches his penis really quickly. Yeah. It is sick. Very weird. And no one batted an eye back then. Can I tell you, I remember watching that as a kid and being like, well, that's not right. You shouldn't get kissed by a fucking grown ass woman.

Starting point is 00:47:15 I mean, maybe it is bad. Let's look it up real quick on YouTube. It doesn't sound bad to me, it sounds fucking hot. Because I'm based. If I remember correctly, she looked like the lady from Wayne's World. Karen Duffy pantyhose scene, 757,000 views. Wait, is this it?

Starting point is 00:47:33 If you're Jackie, there's people who are jacking off to a Disney Channel movie, because there is like an upskirt scene for a frame. There's people that jack off to the voice from Smart House. They jack off to the thought of the house fucking them. They go, oh, Peggy Bundy's computer tits. Oh, yeah. OK, so let's set this up here.

Starting point is 00:47:55 Here we go. Oh, when can I see you again, Shay? Why don't you give me a call and say about 10 years? Five. Seven. Six. OK. Why don't you give me a call and say about ten years? Seven six, okay. What are they just like they're like fucking? They're barfing That got me did you know that was gonna come that was really good That's good shit. Oh, God bless the internet, you know?

Starting point is 00:48:25 The internet wins again. The internet is undefeated. The internet's undefeated. Point to the internet. The internet's undefeated and the Black Keys are the greatest band of all time. Somebody got a tattoo of my face. I work for the Bitcoin Millionaires

Starting point is 00:48:43 who will destroy this country. Hey guys, we know your sex life is important, but your schedule is busy. And if you're having issues performing, you don't have time to go to the doctor's office. You've got podcasts to record, family to ignore, Mr. Cystacy. You can't get there in time. That's why Hems can get you personalized ED treatment without having to leave the house. Hems gives you access to a range of ED treatments like chewable hard mints and Viagra, Cialis and their generic versions for up to a 95% savings. Just answer a series of questions on their website and a medical provider will determine the right treatment options for you. If you're prescribed your medication ship free right to you. Hems has sent us a big box of their pills

Starting point is 00:49:25 and until then our penises were completely limp all the time and we never had sex. And now they're rock hard. When we record the podcasts, when we're not recording the podcasts, we record and then we drive home and then we all fuck our wives and girlfriends with our rock hard cocks.

Starting point is 00:49:42 Thanks to hems.com. So start your free online visit today at hems.com slash lemon. That's H-I-M-S dot com slash lemon for your personalized ED treatment options. Hems.com slash lemon. The products mentioned are chewable compounded products which are not approved by or verified for safety or effectiveness by the FDA.

Starting point is 00:50:02 Prescriptions required an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Subscription required, price varies based on product and subscription plan. Yeah, now she totally kissed his little child ass. But she did recognize it was morally wrong to do so

Starting point is 00:50:20 and she was showing restraint. Sure. And giving him a little taste. Right. A little action. Right. A little action. A little juice. I mean who amongst us? Hey, for me the kiss in the kid is the juice. So here's why that's okay. He wanted it and he's consenting to it. If a 12 year old can get baptized, right? And here's another thing too. I think 12

Starting point is 00:50:44 year olds should be able to fight, and they talk about this a lot on nambla.org in the forums about why. Sounds like you've been radicalized on nambla.org. Dude, I was just gonna say, you picked the most insane takes on the podcast, and you go, I don't know why everybody's mad at me this episode.

Starting point is 00:51:00 Unbelievable view. I can't believe Jason and I don't have kids. I know! Well you guys are like infertile probably. Kidding me? Are you kidding me? From your damn lifestyle. If I have a kid I'm gonna train it

Starting point is 00:51:13 to beat the shit out of yours. Please I'm getting abortions all over the damn block. How dare you? So I think kids, I think kids, so here's the thing. Should be fucked. So here's, no but. That was your point. No but so here's the thing that's fucked up

Starting point is 00:51:35 about education in the country. Okay. Which they just disbanded right, the Department of Education that's over or something. Yeah I think they fired everybody or something. Great, good. Good, I heard they fired everybody. Great, good. Good, I heard it's bullshit. Fire everybody.

Starting point is 00:51:48 I hate school, I hate homework too, so it's good. Fire all of us. We're all fired. It's the thing, everything that he does, it sounds great to a 12 year old. No more homework and chocolate milk only. No more homework and my daddy doesn't pay income taxes and we all slide down a Twizzler every night

Starting point is 00:52:10 into a pool of Pepsi. And then there's no more Muslims and there's no more. We're all gonna go to Disneyland and there's no gay people there. And then all the black people are on the freeway with the Mexicans. All the black people who scare me when my dad goes to the store won't be there anymore.

Starting point is 00:52:33 But anyway, what was your wild defensive pedophilia in this movie? What are you saying, man? You pedophile piece of shit. Really, unbased of you. I thought it was based. Am I being cringe? Well, let's see where it goes.

Starting point is 00:52:43 Okay, so in school. Based people can be pedophiles, but it better be cool. So in school, geniuses are often held back because they have to go at the same pace as the kids who are not geniuses. Okay. So you take the smart people and then the dumber people and you shrink everybody into this one category.

Starting point is 00:53:04 You shouldn't go at the same pace as everybody else. Some kids might be more proficient in this, like math or something. Some kid might just be a big dumb ass who just wants to jack his dick all day and draw swastikas on the wall and that's fine. There's a place in society for those kids too. But they shouldn't study at the same pace as the other kids.

Starting point is 00:53:26 So here's my other point. Those kids that kind of jack their dick and just draw Hitler swastikas on the bathroom walls, those kids should be able to get drafted around the age of 11 or 12. They should become soldiers. They're small, they can fit through holes. They're unsuspecting people in the Middle East.

Starting point is 00:53:44 And then we solve, we also solve whatever's going on over there too. There's over there, there's wars, I've heard. We should have child soldiers. Send them the kids. We should have child soldiers. Famously the Middle East, very friendly to children. We should have child soldiers here.

Starting point is 00:53:59 And I think the cutoff for the military should be 13 years old. I think so too. The whole army should be 11, 12, and 13 year olds. Send them in. Send them in. Yeah, and somehow the rapes decrease in the army. They're like, well, a lot of the candidates

Starting point is 00:54:13 started the upper body strength to rape anymore, so it went down. I think that, I mean, so here's the other thing. This solves pedophilia, because guys can go in the military when they're like 12 and they can also find themselves a honey. So you can like, to all these teachers that wanna,

Starting point is 00:54:33 that are hot ladies who, you know, they're put, I don't want any Uggos fucking the kids. You gotta be hot. You gotta be, you know, you gotta put lipstick on and go to the gym. It's pedophilia if the woman's not hot. Exactly. So then you got these kids, they can consent.

Starting point is 00:54:51 You could marry a 12, 13 year old boy if you're a hot teacher who has a, and the kid also needs to be enlisted or something like that so you know if he can consent to war and he understands what it's like to take another man's life, then he could wed a woman. Yeah, pretty much every. And I don't think there's any flaws to this.

Starting point is 00:55:13 We need to raise kids in a more like a Huck Finn style way. Same here, word of the lot. Every boy should be raised by a really abusive man living in a cabin who just beats him and throws knives at him. And then eventually the kid kills him in his sleep and goes on the run. Let's hop in a time machine back to those days

Starting point is 00:55:43 because I saw a little documentary about some beautiful looking sisters in the Appalachia What sisters okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna show you guys Because this was a time when people They're the Walker sisters. You remember these broads. Yeah. Do they call them that because they all use walkers? This is them. This was a beautiful time. These women look like hash browns.

Starting point is 00:56:11 They were graded, covered in paper towels, and then put on a stove. The paper towels are so they won't turn purple before they hit the stove. Jason's the Walker sisters. Please show some respect to back. Looks like the damn sitter sisters. Am I right? In this house we believe They like Appalachian like retards it looks like it. No, Devon, they're people of the culture.

Starting point is 00:56:47 These are beautiful. They're people of the culture. They look like they're a culture in a dish, studied by scientists. The dog looks like it's been trying to tell them things. The dog's the dad of the family. Yeah, the dog's been like, guys, figured out. Devon, this is when we had culture. Would you show some respect for culture?

Starting point is 00:57:03 Yeah, sure. Look at the giant pumpkin on top of her head. That's their son. Devin, can I explain something to you? America is not this big economic zone where you can have people come in and out like a permeable membrane. We have culture, we have history, we have roots,

Starting point is 00:57:18 and we're proud to be American. And we're fucking, Devin, I love you. We're best. We're teaming up together to become the most based podcast of all time. You and I are so fucking based. And we got this dead-on and I love you. We're best. We're teaming up together to become the most based podcast of all time. You and I are so fucking based. And we got this dead lib weight holding us back. Fucking dead lib weight over here.

Starting point is 00:57:31 That's gross. That's beautiful. I'm the lib. But he's needed to even us out a little bit. It's like a Hannity and Combs and I'm over here going like, I don't think pedophilia is that good. You're going fucker. Matt Gaetz rules, fucker! Hey, Matt Gaetz does rule.

Starting point is 00:57:46 Matt Gaetz does rule, I'm sorry. Okay. Have you seen his new show where he looks like a fucking, like a little elf woman? No. He looks like Liv Tyler in War to the Rings on his new show. He's like shining and has beautiful plucked eyebrows. He looks insane.

Starting point is 00:58:02 He's a beautiful man to me. He looks like Cindy Lou Who, it's eyebrow. He looks insane. He's a beautiful man to me. He looks like Cindy Lou who it's insane I'm all out of fucking soda. Damn it. Yeah fucking Man, you should sort of went everywhere again. It's a bass everywhere bass response. That's my drink. Oh, it is Yeah, no, I brought this down here bitch. You've been drinking my damn ginger ale? I bought that. I bought that at the fucking Buzz. So I could have my Jameson ginger ale. Oh, I had one. And I brought it down.

Starting point is 00:58:30 That's fine. So I think the support's- Dude, that was based of you. Fuck yeah. You took a guy's fucking drink. Lib, oh, but I thought he was like a socialist or something. I thought you want everyone to have drinks. Yeah, give me $5, bitch.

Starting point is 00:58:41 I love that Ben's like, I don't have blinders on. Meanwhile, I bought this soda. What's yours is mine, right? Oh dude, I thought everything you share, right? Dude, I'm just, dude, I'm not. Faggy! Dude. God is ass.

Starting point is 00:58:55 Dude, I've told you many times, I'm not a socialist, I'm a central lib. I just think kids should be gay. And everything else should be the same. Jace is so lib, he walks out on his front porch and he rings a big bell and he goes, you hoob black guys, I'm ready to get robbed. You hoob, you hoob.

Starting point is 00:59:13 Who wants free money? Who wants all my money? You hoob, you're lib, you hoob. You ring a big bell and just yell reparations. And a bunch of black guys in like Fubu run up like piglets, like, HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOH. Under my balcony, I just pour cash down.

Starting point is 00:59:30 I go, you boys! Eat up! They go, HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOH. HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOH. You guys love equality in the morning. I go, I love treating these black people like animals. I'm helping them because I'm a lib. You're gonna break our in this house we believe sign.

Starting point is 00:59:54 Oh sorry, sorry. Did I break the TV behind me? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Fuck those TVs. Fuck the lib TVs. TVs are nothing, they're just around to spread the lib agenda. Everything's lib. Everything's a just around to spread the lib agenda.

Starting point is 01:00:05 Everything's lib! Everything's a fucking lib. Everything's lib! Everything's lib! We're based! BASED! BASED! BASED!

Starting point is 01:00:14 Handshake's based! Whoa, you guys are showing male aggression right now, I don't care for that. Lib, shut up, lib! Let's put fucking... You hit me with a big whip! Shut up, lib! Lib! Bein' Devin are gonna put Punisher stickers

Starting point is 01:00:27 on the back of our trucks and then be scared of homeless people and talk about them all the time. Yeah, I'm gonna be like this thinking about and I go, oh no, you think Antifa's gonna come in? You think they're gonna hurt me? You're gonna get a bumper sticker on your truck that says like, I thought about joining the military. I really wanted to do it, but I didn't.

Starting point is 01:00:49 All right. Finish up beating the shit out of a gay guy until he dies and then talk about how crime is in the Castro. Yes. Thank you, base. Because that's base. Because we're base. That's as base as Daniel Fessing.

Starting point is 01:01:02 You guys need to be the base bros and start bashing your forearms together. We're base, I finish up, I'm like, fuck it, fuck it, fuck, fuck, fuck. You know what, fuck it, you can't even walk through the mission these days. Yeah, to find anonymous gay people to have sex with. Can't even, you know.

Starting point is 01:01:18 You know what, I'm so base I actually go undercover, I fuck trans guys and then I cut their heads off after I come in them fucking bags. can't even find a gay Chinese kid This old city's got this shit by the way, I've never visited I Just talked about I talked about yet accounting accounting district 14 and say I talked about County district 23 You're a little the only livable place is Marin. You ever been? No.

Starting point is 01:01:49 By the way, I'm from- You ever been to Marin County? No. No, I'm from Buttfuck, Arkansas. The town's called Buttfuck, but I think the student council president in district 14 of the Bay is not qualified. You see these fucking guys, they'll post pictures,

Starting point is 01:02:02 they'll post images of Skid Row. They go, look at this, look at LA. That's LA. It's been like that my entire, Skid Row's been like that my entire life. Devin, but how sad of a world is it that we're relying on the standup comedians on their podcast to tell us how the world is working?

Starting point is 01:02:17 Well at this point, the standup comedians are the philosophers of the world. And the politicians are the clowns. And the politicians are the fucking clowns. That's what I've always said. Send in the clowns, send in politicians are the fucking clowns. That's what I've always said. Send in the clowns. Send in the downs, that's what I say. Because they're fucking retards.

Starting point is 01:02:29 Okay, Bob. Okay, Bob. Okay, man. We're the last line of defense. The last line of defense. Jesus Christ. Doo doo doo doo. Thank God the stand up comedians are making millions

Starting point is 01:02:41 and millions of dollars. Thank God. What would we do without them? They're the modern day. Making millions of dollars. They're the modern day philosophers in that they're not funny and millions of dollars, thank God. What would we do without them making millions of dollars? They're the modern day philosophers in that they're not funny, they're all pedophiles. They're oppressed millionaires. This stand-up is gonna fuckin' tell us how it is at the Wells Fargo Arena tonight.

Starting point is 01:02:56 Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, I've been canceled out of show business. Ladies and gentlemen, I've been canceled out of show business. Ooh. Fucking Pharaoh. Pharaoh in Egypt level of crowd. They won't even let me into show business. I'm gonna talk about it on my Netflix special. You know, the mainstream doesn't want this out there.

Starting point is 01:03:21 I'll be at the Pepsi Center tonight. They're trying to silence me, everybody but Ted Sorrento, the CEO of Netflix. Boo! Boo, Sorrento! You know what's funny, by the way, is it used to be the LGBTQ community that complained about being oppressed, and now it's just Tony Hinchcliffe.

Starting point is 01:03:40 I like to call it the LGBTQ community. Maybe some things haven't changed. Hey, base Ben. Base. Base. That is base. Base, but I fucking love base. You are base.

Starting point is 01:03:50 But David Lucas is awesome. Yeah, Ben, you didn't know this. The T actually stands for Tony Hinchcliff. Lesbian gay by Tony Hinchcliff. Yeah. T plus. T plus. Is Tony in the killers?

Starting point is 01:04:01 Yeah, T plus because he's positive for AIDS. Because he's gay Hell yes, I like to call the LGBT WTF Fuck are they up to? I love being WTF Nobody's gonna like this episode Nobody's gonna like this episode. But I love it, I love it.

Starting point is 01:04:28 Jason, you're gonna love this because we're about to celebrate women. Yeah, you're just saying that because you're trying to protect against your fucking lip lids. Yeah, no, show me the baby from Eraserhead real quick where he grew up. Please.

Starting point is 01:04:38 Jason, I want you to stop talking. I want you to sit your white ass down and listen. Sit my white ass down and learn a little bit. Sit your white ass down and listen bitch Here we go. This is the Walker sisters all the way from Appalachia Oh, look at these honeys. The government tried to take their home, but these women refused to leave them. They're so ugly the government tried to take their home. No one wanted to fuck them.

Starting point is 01:05:01 By decree of Herbert Hoover, by decree of Herbert Hoover, you're too ugly to own land. We're here by the power of the President of the United States of America. The President of the United States has deemed your pussy condemned. Why did they all, why did they all look like,

Starting point is 01:05:27 the country was hard on people. They literally look like Judd Hersh's grandparents. They look insane. And you know they're 45 years old in this. Yeah, those are teenage girls. The dog looks miserable. The problem is that they love so much. If you told me these were pictures of the three suges right before they died, I would believe you.

Starting point is 01:05:40 I'd go, yeah, that's her. This is the incredible true story of the Walker sisters. It's funny how beautiful like, Siever County is. They're from Siever County. They're from Will and Don. Will and Don. This might have been Don's grandparents. This is where Suttree takes place and where, you know, Cormac was for a long time. It's a beautiful land for just ugly fucked up retards.

Starting point is 01:06:09 Yeah. We call this the inbred capital of the United States. 1866. We're going to put a Bucky's right up here on the mountain. He said, go preach up on the mountain and Lord, we're going to go up there. I I'm a preacher at the local Bucky's He said go preach up on the mountain and love we gonna go up there that I I'm a preacher at the local Buc-E's and I'm a less every kid in Seaver County Church of Buc-E's Father the son and the beaver nugget the Holy Toast

Starting point is 01:06:43 Lord and the Lord gave it brisket and then he took it away. They have like a more. Communion is a big slice of brisket. They have like, they've developed like a Morden Joe, but for Bucky's fucking gas station. Communion is big rad. Communion is very good. A Morden Joe's spraying big rad down into a big valley. He goes, do not become addicted, brothers.

Starting point is 01:07:02 It will only tempt you with the flesh. Anyway, sorry. Back to these tarts. Just please, this is the Walker sisters. Sure. Well, Sister Sarah's been looking for cold red up in them hills. Sister Sarah, she actually, she takes a divining rod

Starting point is 01:07:24 and finds corn syrup buried in the mountains. Sister Sharer's been looking for a DP-0. Sister, she heard the song Big Rock Candy Mountain and she's convinced it's real, brother. Well, one day we'll find that DP-ZS. That's a Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar. Tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Doctor said I can't have no regular sugar. There's been a great, a horrible move.

Starting point is 01:07:55 I ain't got no veins no more. I got no veins no more, after we all gang banged that slave. The first white people to get sick of selenemia. 1866 and John Walker has just returned from the bloody war between the states. It had taken a toll on John. After all.

Starting point is 01:08:19 It's funny that there's been a great hullabaloo. There's a hullabaloo. It's the KKK. Yeah. They've been raising hullabaloo. Yeah, there's been a real ruckus with the free people. His home state of Tennessee had officially sided with the Confederacy, but John had fought for the Union and was even imprisoned because of his actions. But somehow he had survived and found himself looking to rebuild his life in the Tennessee

Starting point is 01:08:39 Valley. These black people keep breaking all the tree limbs after we hang them. The trees are dying. You can't even lynch them anymore. The trees are dying because of the black people. Strange fruit is ripe, brother. They're also fucking strong. They take the trees with them.

Starting point is 01:08:56 I can't even find rope long enough to fit around there. They're high octane necks. They're big Jonathan majors necks. Brothers decide by cutting their legs off I'll tell you next. Your big Jonathan Major's next. Brothers decide by cutting their legs off before he hangs them so the tree branch don't break. The tree goes in there, the John Coffey next. Sister Mary, sorry. God damn it.

Starting point is 01:09:20 This guy, I hanged a guy the other day, it made John Coffey look like Penny Hardaway. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:09:30 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:09:37 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:09:43 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. in the war and then so now you get to build a house produced a bounty of everything and Yeah, yeah blackberrys Planted apple peach and plum trees and cleared land for crops of onions Irish potatoes Is this not the American dream? Yeah, I love you, man Look at that They tried to make the hay look like clan members I think that was corn, right? Whatever

Starting point is 01:10:14 Fuck you Nib Beautiful God, I would love a life like oils indeed I would die every woman needed to start a family be driving hundreds of miles to get Domino's Yeah, they'll be like everything a family and of course skin walkers It's slowly a hundred the family and drove them against each other and both he and his wife Raised four boys and seven girls. Fuck girls. Okay a family of 13 were humble people

Starting point is 01:10:46 Beautiful lived in harmony with the land Do they all they look like they all rate each other? Well, we all like Sam Elliot We all like Sam Elliot who from the women to the children to the man We all like Sam Elliott. See, this is a great, this is base as fuck. They had their own schoolhouse they built. The best part of it is we're all based.

Starting point is 01:11:16 We're all based. We're all based. So check this out. It gets better. You are my best friend. You are my best friend. You are my best friend. From the Limp Fag mountains.

Starting point is 01:11:35 To the base race valley. I raped all my daughters. I showed my sons. I'm just gonna fuck dogs from now on John's wife died and a decade later John would join her on the other side of eternity In the cold much I ate my beer Hey more in this man his wife died and then 10 years later he met her in paradise. He killed her with a big fucking rock one day when he was bored.

Starting point is 01:12:09 No, because Jace's mission on earth was completed. Right. Now he can go up to his heavenly rest. ...behind to be carried on by his seven daughters. A beautiful man, beautiful life. Hattie, Martha, Nancy. So these are the... Oh, a bunch of lookers.

Starting point is 01:12:23 This looks like an aquarium. This looks insane. How did guys not blow their heads off the minute that they were born? Imagine this is your future wife and she smells like dirty pussy. Reeks of it. Okay, wood? Bottom left wood.

Starting point is 01:12:40 Bottom left? Bottom left, I mean, it's not a lot. If I had to? Come on on who else are you picking? Maybe her no, that's not that looks like Harry Houdini. No, none of them Definitely not Beetlejuice over here Just like George Washington's skull Damn, these are Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. The lady in the second from the left

Starting point is 01:13:06 is shaped like a boomerang or something. She looks insane. Okay, so let's figure out what these ladies do now that the big white beard guy died. And mama, mama, dad, dad, dad, dad, and we uglier than that. We uglier than shit, brother. Pussy don't look.

Starting point is 01:13:23 These, these. I'm like, you think we're ugly, you should see our fucked up pussies. These women look like male skateboarders. We ugly These women look like male skateboarders Yeah, they look like a picture for like a skateboarding like an ad They should be in a punk house being ugly shit the lords of dogtown Jesus Christ looks like dogstown. Look at you. The looks like. Sarah Caroline, Margaret Jane, and Polly,

Starting point is 01:13:52 the Walker sisters. Pretty good lip. Of all the women. Pretty good cringy. Hey, a blind lip. Pretty good cringy lip. A blind lip finds a joke every once in a while. Hold on, this one's really ugly.

Starting point is 01:14:02 This one's the most hideous one and they're saying something about her. Okay. The Walker sisters. Of all the women, only Sarah Caroline would marry and move away. Oh! In an age. So she was the ugliest one who was so freakish,

Starting point is 01:14:15 was the hottest lady. Yeah, she looks like Mars Attacks, when the alien dresses up like that lady. And yeah, and she was the only sellable pussy out of the whole bunch. When all mountain women married very young The six Walker sisters never married and lived together in the cabin their father had built for them in the aftermath of the Civil War They raised all their own livestock spun wool churned butter tended the cross

Starting point is 01:14:37 You'd a full canned vegetables and smoked their pork just the way their father had taught them. There was no electricity Instead they kept all their food built for them. She's here, she's like, she's like, I pretended to dick. I fucked the butter churn. I ride the butter churn's cock. This photo's of her fucking, I put the fuck in a big stick.

Starting point is 01:15:01 I get it creamy from my pussy. I shit in it. I just get full creamy from my pussy Shit and pussy cream That's some good. That's some good butter tended the crops canned vegetables and smoked their pork just the way their father Pork and smoke it like a tobacco kept all their food in a spring house to keep it cool Each sister worked as hard as any man ever aspired in their mountain kingdom They were isolated from the fast-paced world that was ever encroaching just beyond the hills yet Little did they know that this new modern world would soon be knocking at their door led by the federal government

Starting point is 01:15:39 Looking to take everything from them But the sisters were bound and determined to put up a fight with the government and now change the course of his so who cares what they did they were like ugly but the point is that yeah okay so let's let's get to the real point here that even since the Civil War they've been trying to take rights away from us trying to take away what's wrong the system living here there's nothing wrong and they have to stand their ground. What are they called? The Walker Sisters.

Starting point is 01:16:07 You learn about a family in 1870 and by God, you see yourself, don't you see yourself? Of course I do. You see the, they're coming from. Because they look like men. They came for their eggs. Yeah, you literally see yourself. I see myself in all of them.

Starting point is 01:16:23 Looks like me. I think myself in all of them. I think I'm hotter, actually. I think I'd fuck myself more than them. You'd rather fuck a clone of yourself that's gay than pass that's one of them. Yes, I would 100%. I would shave my other version of me and I'd fuck myself in the ass

Starting point is 01:16:38 instead of any of these uggos. I think I titty-fucked that one in the top right with my dick. I forget they do have tits. And they're probably somewhat probably somewhat fat and flat. I put a potato sack over their heads and I make them squeal Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina Music would play and Polina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina Wicked and evil while casting a spell I love was deep for this Mexican mate I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young Calmore came in Wild as the West Texas way

lemonparty - 119: The Sisters of Sevier County

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