lemonparty - 129: Uncle Drive

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

Support the show and get 40% off your first Hungryroot box, plus a free item in every box for life with code LEMON at https://www.hungryroot.com/LEMON  MERCH: https://lemonparty.myshopify.com/ more episodes: https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty live dates: https://www.lemonparty.life/livedates https://benavery.live/ ben avery: https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood https://benavery.live/ devan costa: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/ https://twitter.com/DevanCosta jace avery: https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ https://twitter.com/JaceAvery  website: https://www.lemonparty.life/ YouTube (suspended): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwlbiNZoV2RpNygeOQZnQ0Q Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RRoTJ1TV0hLtkKOtT2Mc5?si=60641c5188294084&nd=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lemonparty/id1651896150 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, apparently it's like him and like Saquon Barkley are like built the same way. I'm on that light beam, always in my face. Talking, listening. Girl, I had the best of reasons. Apparently, it's like him and Saquon Barkley are like built the same, apparently. Testing, check. I always think he looks good. I don't care how old he is. He doesn't look as fat as they call him.

There's been much fatter presidents, even. Exactly. He's not at taff level. You want me to leave this fan on, Devin? I can hear it. I don't know. It's up to you with the audio and turning it off Yeah, I think it's I got the AC going so we're good. We're good

Times are times are good right now times are good the president's healthy Katy Perry's in space He carries in space Katy Perry blew up in space earlier today. What yeah, you know, I'm what blue origins is It's for like rich people to stay in and went to to space. She's like, titty fucking an alien. What, why, what are they, oh. They did a Lady Ghostbusters space trip. They sent up Katy Perry and Oprah's friend Gail. They all went to space. They're actually in space right now?

Yeah, they're in outer space. They're in outer space, yeah. Look at these bitches. Look at these whores, who is that one? I think that's Jeff Bezos' girlfriend. Oh my god. It's his whore girlfriend. Let's see if we got audio here.

They're all coming. They all start scissoring each other. Ah! Ah! So Bezos is like, I'll send you to space. You've got to fuck the shit out of each other up there. I mean, Bezos' wife looks like an alien. Yeah.

Is that her right there? Yeah, she used to just like fucking, you know, do Storm Watch on KTLA. Yeah, what if they send her to space and all of her implants just pop, her BBL explodes in zero gravity. Oh God, I hate this. Yeah, it really stinks.

I couldn't wait to show you. I really hate what I'm looking at right now. Thank you for those. I knew you'd be very mad about it. Look at these bitches. Thank you for those. I knew you'd be very mad about it. Look at these bitches. My heart hurts. They get to do, rich people get to do like

bridesmaids in outer space. Yeah. As everything is completely falling to pieces. I was really praying for just like a challenger reentry that we just get to see Katy Perry's head tumble into some trailer park and a guy fucks it. Why Katy Perry? She's not even

Like it's a like it's a plane shit, yeah like a guy like he's like that's her head he's like Everybody's gonna fuck it before they get it. They're in like a Waco standoff Katy Perry's mouth that fell out of space and they fuck I Haven't made it five seconds into this clip before. I mean, I'm willing to play more. Yeah. What if, Come here, come here, it's in space. They were in space for seven minutes,

they immediately get in a fight. That's so annoying. They immediately get in a big cat fight. Flynn, I gotcha. I gotcha Flynn. Gotcha. What? What? They brought up a little stuff guy. Why are they all around a big drum? Give me a hand if you Flynn. Gotcha. What? What?

They brought up a little stuff guy. Why are they all around a big drum? Let me have your cap. Oh, the moon. You guys, I will have to tell you. Who is that noodle, by the way? Yeah. What are we working with here?

I don't know. I think that's like Zuckerberg's wife or something. Yeah, probably. Nguyen? Yeah, Nguyen? Yeah. She's the pho, she makes the pho up there for them. Yeah, this is just how bad women are at directions.

Go back, go back. What was Katy Perry? Well, she was like holding like. Which one? Katy Perry. She was holding a flower, I think. She hands that to Gale King, she was, pick this. Turn this into a shirt.

You think we're bringing Negroes to space without some work? Yeah, man. I will have to tell you, look at the moon. That's amazing. You can always see the moon, look at Earth, dumb bitch. Look at the blue line. Oh my gosh. Oh my godness.

Wow. It'd be great if some space debris just crashed right into them. Yeah, a SpaceX. They all suffocate, their heads explode. A Starlink satellite rips through the ship. Who is that? Is that Eggo?

Oh, Jesus. What have we got in hand? Whoa, whoa, okay. Minor bleep there, minor bleep. Yeah, minor bleep. Eggo Nwardanami is her name. I genuinely just wasn't trying to say it, but Devon accidentally said the hard R. Eggo from SNL, whatever her name. I genuinely just wasn't trying to say it. Devin accidentally said the hard R.

Ego from SNL, whatever her name is. Is that the SNL lady? I don't think so. I don't know, man. Is that Gail's daughter? Cause I know Gail's on the ship. I mean, looks like it just somebody. Is she holding up a Ukrainian flag?

That's the judge that got Carmelo Anthony off. They're sending her to space. We're lowering the bond to 250,000 from a million. Yeah, yeah, this is Bezos has a plan to shoot George Floyd into space. She's holding up a Bahamas flag, so I don't know who she is, but if you go back, Katy Perry,

I do know that she was holding up her set list for her new concert tour. Was she really? That was the butterfly was her set list, ran on a butterfly. Are you serious? Are you doing a joke? No, I'm not, go back back go back and look at it. I'm not doing a bit. That's real If you can find it, I really Was like having this really fun time upside down. I know getting good back. Oh, no, I think you it was really quick

I think you went play from here. I Think it's coming up maybe real quick I think it's coming up maybe real quick Now it's it's back a little further Yeah, they we shouldn't know who any of these people are really except Katy Perry Obviously because she was famously raped by Russell Brand and she had big back in the news for rape Yeah, yeah love getting in the news for rate. She was wasn't she like rape like right before she like had to perform or something Yeah, she was she was raped in a cupcake Yeah, didn't he just walk in like we're done, but let me stick my bangers in your mash without your consent

And then you can hop right on stage. Yeah, well, I just raping you spray whipped cream out of your cupcake Love I'm a Christian and I love raping. I've gotta go do the podcast with John Peterson who looks like Kurt Angle now Hey John PC looks like he says neck broke down he loves John peason looks like a footless gout Yeah, don't he love anyway pull that pussy ass sucker right real quick love That's pray and then all right me Is this if this whole thing is live streamed you could theoretically go up with these bitches where the whole world watches you rape all six of them. Yeah in the tube Yeah, you rape six bitches

It's like WWE Raw cage match it's the Joker in space WWE yeah jokers in space you, you holding the camera up to your face and just going, ah! Laughing like the Joker. I just want to watch the whole world rape. I'm raping Gale King. Raping Gale King in space. Against the space class.

Mushin' her head against nine feet of glass. Vince McMahon is there. He's hurling turds at them, but it's really slow. Yeah, it looks like the Matrix. He's trying to piss on them. But he just has to piss in his hand and then mush it on their face. Yeah, they only went to space for seven minutes, by the way.

Seven minute trip. And then they went right back down? They went right back down, yeah. That's all it is. How do you land? Do you land in the ocean? How does that go? I think it, is it one of those like,

SpaceX rockets, like it lands itself? I don't know. I don't think they're going really that high. Remember when that Red Bull guy jumped off of something? Yeah, remember the Red Bull guy? It would have been really cool if they didn't realize what they were signing up for, and they went into a bubble universe,

and then they land and everyone's 500 years old. All their loved ones are dead. They landed on the planet of the apes. Yeah. Yeah. and everyone's 500 years old. All their loved ones are dead. They can't, they're finished. They went into my Planet of the Apes. Yeah. Yeah. Gale King has, it's like her fucking lobotomize because she defied a monkey.

Yeah, but it's, yeah, it's a woman, and Katy Perry, this is how annoying, this is what a stupid bitch she is now. She posted a thing where it was like, getting back from space I realize, looking at the Earth, like I realize we all need to protect our mother, is what she said. And it's like a lot of people are pointing out,

like you just took a, you took five billion tons of gasoline to get into space. Right, right, right, yeah. It's a big private, it's the most expensive private jet. A trip run by a guy who owns $300 billion and you're talking about Mother Gaia and promoting your stupid fucking concert toward no one's gonna go to.

Yeah, you're also like, Katy Perry, it's you're done for right now. You're done, though. It's a pink pony club, bitch. You're supposed to go. You're not in it. You're supposed to go crazy. Yeah.

You're supposed to be on Justin Bieber time right now. She's not. Get a big back tattoo and go and say it. She's not keeping up with the new queers. No. You got a fucking Benson Booth, all the car commercial music tattoo and go and say it. She's not keeping up with the new queers. No. You got the fucking Benson Boone, all the car commercial music makers, they're killing it. The Benson Boone, the great Benson Boone.

The great Boone, I was just in Austin, it's all they play is the car commercial songs. Yeah, the beautiful things that I've got song, yeah. The beautiful things that I've got, oh yeah. You're hitting my G spot. I am gay. Yeah. It's really bad.

It's like a song designed for Southern wives to get beat to, that song. My wife perked up on the couch when it was playing and she was like, what is that ungodly piece of shit? They played it during the Masters nonstop. They played it all the time during the fucking. I don't think people even knew who he was. He did a flip off a piano.

Off a big piano. Oh, that's what went viral? Yeah. Yeah, and then Mark Zuckerberg dressed up like him and then just jumped off a piano. Yeah. To impress his Asian wife. He dressed like Evil Knievel,

like a fag eagle, Evil Knievel, and he jumped off a piano. And then everyone was like, I guess that's the song that somebody planted in my brain. Jelly Roll said you're the next king of pop, Vincent Boone. The Goatier stuff was better like 12 years ago when they were doing this bullshit. Goatier?

Is that what's called Goatier? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now you're just somebody that I used. Like just the bullshit that's played. Yeah, that was better. It was constant. Sure, yeah. But that stuff was hell back then.

As opposed to you got Teddy Swims and all the same. I love big Teddy Swims. He's like, I don't know, he's just like a jelly roll type. He's like if you, if... A jelly roll. He's a jelly roll type. Get me a jelly roll type. He's a maple bar.

Yeah. He's like you slammed Post Malone and jelly rolled like together and made a new thing. Yeah, he's a Danish. Exactly, he's like a lizard's tail jelly roll. He cut off and it grew Teddy Swims. Looked like a starfish. Like a starfish.

Yeah, I saw him. More talented than I think in jelly roll. I think to get big in this country, you're gonna have to start naming yourself after different fried foods, so people remember who you are on TV. The next from jelly roll to bear's claw. The next Justin Bieber's gonna be named

like T-Bone Jenkins. You have to have like black blues legends names now. You gotta be, oh it's the new pop star Blind Lemon Jefferson. That Teddy Swims guy though, I was on Spotify the other day, I had no idea who he was. And then it was just like check out new music from Teddy Swims.

Teddy Swims, yeah. I clicked on it's like 800 million like listens a month and I'm like, I don't know if this is real or not. He was really big on Instagram I think and then he got, yeah he made his way into the Grammys. I think it's all like they pick people and stuff. Industry plant. Yeah I think Post Malone is an industry plant as well.

Yeah I believe so too. Dochi, I know there's a lot of people who accuse her of being an industry plant. I don't think Dochi's an industry plant. I don't know about that. Well, Devan, she's black, so. Pfft. She's an industry plant.

Maybe they're pumping the numbers too much, but she was like a legit, all of them I guess were legit at some point. I liked her, and then I started seeing people really jam out to this song where it's like, my anxiety. Yeah, yeah, they did the dance at the Americana. At the Promenade.

Yeah, that sucked ass. I don't like that. You know the song, the, my anxiety. Yeah, anxiety. My anxiety. It's the Gaultier cover, right? Yeah, it's a cover. It's the beat from somebody that I used to know.

So why is she doing that? I thought she was like a bad bitch who was cool as hell. I don't know, because I never knew her to be like a singer either. So she's like singing in that song for the most part. Everybody sucks ass. Everyone gets eaten. Yeah, they get eaten. Even, you know, I've really turned on Charlie XCX

as of late, she's really started to suck ass. Yeah, she's in trouble for something, right? She hates Green Day. She hates Green Day, that whore. She hates Green Day. Fucking damn American idiot. You fucking dumb bitch. A white SoCal punk legend band, Green Day.

How dare her. No, she wore like, she was at Coachella and she said she should have had wine and people were like, you don't talk to Green Day like that. Oh, that's right, Coachella's happening right now. Yeah, there's 8,000 hippies dying in Palm Springs right now. So very funny, fun fact, by the way,

is 60% of the people that bought Coachella tickets put it on that Klarna thing, where you pay monthly, you pay for like an year to pay for your purchase. 60% of people paid for their tickets with installments. I don't even know what's the rate on it. What do you have to pay in terms of interest? It's probably like 400% interest, something like that. If you don't pay it in a month, you get killed.

You get put into slave labor. You get put to El Salvador. They're paying for Chipotle burrito bowls on Klarna too. Yeah, now pretty soon that you're going to be able to buy a barrel with suspenders on Klarna for four down payments. So speaking of how far The Mighty have fallen, though, while we're on the topic of pop culture,

I was kind of, I'm fighting to really still ironically love the Minecraft movie, which of course Chicken Jockey, Ender Pearl, Flint and Steel, La La La La Va, Ch-Ch-Ch-Chicken, it's still very funny to me. But Jack Black's making me very sad. And I can't really ironically co-sign his bullshit anymore. I could, I could put it out of sight, out of mind, and just appreciate him.

I like it, I like what it's inspired. I like that he made a movie that is bath salts for children and they're losing their minds in the theater and the National Guard is being brought in and people are chopping chickens' heads off, voodoo style and lighting the screen on fire. I love it. Every video I've seen is amazing.

We finally have galaxy gas for white children. It's great. We were like, how do we get the white children even more retarded? And now, yeah, they're getting attacked by chickens and getting new viruses at the Minecraft movie. They're sending kids to the El Salvador prisons. They're getting firing squatted.

There's heaps of bodies. Yeah, they're shaving kids' backs and turning them into big cubes at the Minecraft movie. And he's showing up, right? Yeah, this is what I wanted to show you guys. It's been really making me sad because anybody who listens to Limit Party last week knows we said like, we watched him on SNL,

he looks like he wants to kill himself, he looks massively depressed, he's just doing this for the money. He's the fat version of The Rock, where I don't think, I think he's chipped away every bit of personality. He's bolder. Yeah, he's theipped away every bit of personality. He's the boulder. Yeah. Where every, he used to be a human being, and now he is an entity that sits in boardroom

chairs and listens to 80 year old men tell him how to be as a person. He's gonna roll over Indiana Jones in the new movie. It is big flame shorts. Chicken jockey. Hey guys, spring is starting up and schedules are getting nuts. When you need a great meal fast, choose Hungry Root. Hungry Root is like having a personal shopper and nutritionist all in one. They do the weekly grocery shopping and recommend meals based on your taste and lifestyle.

Just tell them about your preferences and they'll fill your cart with personalized recommendations they get better as they learn more about you. We all use Hungry Root because we're lazy bastards who refuse to do our own shopping. It's great if you want to eat healthy. The hardest part about eating healthy is having healthy food in your home. That's the biggest hurdle to it. Use Hungry Root. With the ingredients you get, you can create any Hungry Root meal in just 15 minutes or

less. We love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box plus a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slash lemon, that's L-E-M-O-N, and use code lemon. That's hungryroot.com slash lemon, code lemon to get 40% off your first box

and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash lemon code lemon. Thank you, Hungryroot. Now back to the show. This is also the problem of liking something and it becoming a hit is now they're fast tracking Minecraft too. There's gonna be nine Minecraft movies now

because of this. I mean, I'm here for it though. But it's not gonna be, it's not gonna suck ass like you wanted it to suck ass. No, it won't, but it'll be great for the destruction of the country. There'll be aerial footage, it'll look like the Civil War movie.

Just different Edward Cineramidomes all over the nation on fire, people shooting outside. Yeah, Trump's gonna share footage of him like drone striking an AMC. Just blowing up 40 chicken-jacking kids. Who went crazy. Yeah, they're releasing bio weapons to control the premiere of Minecraft.

Yeah, kids got like MK'd Ultra and just started shooting everybody. They're releasing Ebola in the streets, dumping green bags of goo in the water. They're putting big bubble domes over the top of theaters to encase the children inside, like under the dome. It's so insane what's happening.

They're like burning theaters. No, there's Minecraft shows that look like a Klan rally. You go inside, there's a big cube on fire, and they're all like chanting. It's like Todd Browning's freaks. It's insane. There's people with no arms and legs. There's little pinhead people running around screaming.

So here's what's sad about this is we can all accept, hey, Jack Black, he's very depressed. He took the money, whatever. But at least he has a lot of money and everything. And he wants to kill himself for sure. Sure. He actually, he loves this. He's breaking box office records.

Right now, Jason, I'm sure you're aware of this at the theaters. Oh yeah. I think 600 million, something like Jason. I'm sure you're aware of this. Oh, yeah, I think I think 600 million something like that I have no idea it yeah it from what me and Devin looked up it broke four or five massive records at the box office like Yeah, big time. Mm-hmm Jack Black doesn't have to do any publicity for this obviously since it's one of the most successful movies If not the most successful movie ever made at the box office. He is still Mm-hmm sitting at home thinking,

what should I do tonight? He seemingly went to Walmart and got one of the foam Minecraft pickaxes, and he's running around movie theaters now and then. He brought one of the pickaxes, the foam pickaxes? But he went and got it at Walmart, I guess, and he's just running around. You gotta see this, I have the video right here.

Do you think he was at home and he's like, okay, I can play the knife game as quick as I possibly can or I can go to the Minecraft movie? Do you think he was staring at a fucking magnum with just like one bullet in it and he's like, do I do this or do I go get the Walmart axe and go to a showing? I think he's just capitalizing on the enthusiasm.

But he knows it's fake. I guess, what does he know at this point? I don't know what he's up to. He walks around, I see him walking around town all day in a wolf t-shirt and flaming hot pants. Yeah, I think he's trying to get hit. He wants a car to take him. He's a bag of flaming hot Cheetah.

He's running around the reservoir. Kyle Gass in his trunk, desperate for air. He's being chased by hawks. Jack Black, every time I see him, he has it on big headphones. He looks like he's being chased by birds, like in a Hitchcock remake. A big cat that gets in fights with birds all day. A big Maine coon.

A Maine coon cat. He's a big Maine coon cat. There's a condor chasing him. He goes to bed and he goes, why are all these birds in my bed? Because he brought them there all day, instinctively. And lay them down. He's walking up to his wife with a bird in his mouth and he drops it in front of her.

Yeah, and I think he only, because he's wearing the same shorts I always see him in and Devin always sees him in. I don't know if you've seen him around town. He looks like a bag of fruit gushers. That's how he walks around town. Yeah. He does.

He's like if you made Chester Cheetah a morbidly obese. And he's everywhere, seemingly. He's everywhere. That's crazy, because guys like The Rock, you never see those guys in public. You never see photos of them. Jack Black is. He's everywhere.

He is a cat. He is. He's everywhere. He's scaling telephone poles. It's like it's a homeward bound. Yeah. If you try to approach a Jack Black Oh, he's everywhere. He is a cat. He is, he's everywhere. He's scaling telephone poles. It's like it's homeward bound. If you try to approach a Jack Black, he'll hiss at you and then run under a car. He'll go pfft.

So this is what is really bumming me out, but I'm still holding on to Chicken Jockey, Ender Pearl, Grafting Table, everything else. I've been loving the McDonald's. McDonald's has been great all week. Can I tell you by the way, I went to McDonald's the other way and I heard the guy behind me in line, just, I just heard the lady over the speaker go like,

sorry sir, we are out of the Minecraft meals, and him just go like, man. I didn't hear anything else after that, but it made me laugh. You hear one gunshot. I just see his front window just light up for a second. Just the outline of him with a gun in his mouth and then back to black. And then the horn.

She goes, all right, clean up in the drive-thru, we got another guy killed himself in the Minecraft shit. Sorry sir, we are out of the Minecraft meals. You gotta take your gay little white ass home. No square burgers for you. White people always killing themselves in my drive through. Killing themselves with a damn Minecraft movie. You know this used to be a McDonald's where they would drive through masturbating

and kill themselves. People had some respect in the city of Rose Mead for the McDonald's that's the only one open 24 hours in this area. Now we got white boys killing ass. It's so funny, every AMC, they're doing January 6th every day. They're doing Jan 6th. It won't stop.

There's tanks guarding AMC. They made it mandatory, if you're 18 or under, you have to have a guardian with you. It's the power of irony. It's so strong. Kids were raping each other at Minecraft. You have to wear a straight jacket to watch the movie. So funny.

I can't wait to go again. I might get those where you can't get stabbed, have you seen those things in England? You should. The stabbing vest? Yeah, stab vest. Where they try to, you get hit with a bat with them and everything Yeah, I don't know but if it protects bullets

I'm amazed knives. I'm amazed nobody shot up a Minecraft movie showing yet, by the way This one that's why this one I might have yeah this one. I might have you guys see this Okay, is this what is this? No, it's bumming me out. This is in LA Is this the is this the AMC in Burbank with the iMac screen? You know what's funny? I can't tell. I tried to get an ID on it and it looks like Burbank. I think it's the Burbank iMac screen AMC.

We'll see, we'll see, I need more. For today's presentation of a Minecraft. So here's how I immediately knew, I'm just gonna pause it right here. I just love little Asian kids' heads popping up like gophers when he starts talking. Well, they don't know it's him yet, but yeah, they think they're in trouble.

Uh-huh. I immediately knew it was him because he says presentation, and then listen to how he says pop. So you know Jack Black's big funny joke thing is he never pronounces things correctly. Oh, I know. For today's presentation of a Minecraft movie,

please, no throwing popcorn, and also... Isn't that wacky? Popcorn? That's not how you say it No lapis lazuli And also absolutely no CHICKEN JOKIES NOOOOO

OH YEAH I am Steve Oh my god So then he says I am Steve He's gonna come closer by the way, he's not done Oh my god, you can see a kid. You can see a kid cutting the wire to his bomb. This is like watching Reagan release crack in the hood on his own He walks in it goes dare. Fried chicken jock. Fried chicken jock. I am Steve.

I am Steve. God. What if all the kids just start firing on him? Just, he's riddled with bullets like put to him. Just do that dance, yeah. My actual pickaxe. Are you ready to rock? Yeah, he brought a pick-axe.

Look at his hat. Look at his Curious George hat. This is the big three-door, a one-track movie! Look, what a projection! God, that theater is a pedophile's dream. OK, now wait for this. It gets wet. I almost, I actually, I was like Rory McIlroy

on the 18th green in the playoff. I like fell to my knees, I was crying. I was screaming. A weight's been lifted off your shoulders. Cause I feel like he, I feel like I watched like a gore video on like live leak of him getting shot in the head. He looks so, he's wearing like I believe

a blue phoenix shirt and the flaming shorts that you guys always talk about. He's always wearing these fucking shorts and this fucking, like a fucking shirt like this. He looks like sour candy. He's a war hound. The kids are just gonna start biting him. Look at him, look at him.

He sucks ass. Watch, he sucks ass. He sucks ass. He sucks ass. He's really having a good time though. He's the same size as the children. he's the same size as the children Look at him skip. Yeah, there's one old guy in a trench coat who's so pissed right now Wow, I had to pause jacking off so Jack Black could talk about this I

Wow I had to pause jacking off so Jack Black could talk about this I Actually re watching it. I'm I'm back you're back on yeah. Yeah, I was really depressed, but I pushed through I appreciate it I loved it. He's having a good time the key knows that he knows it's a big cultural phenomenon And if you knew you could go fucking make some kids day You'd do it. You know I don't think I would I think I would show up, and? I think if I was in this movie, I would show up and I would say, you kids are wasting your lives, we're gonna watch the 400 blows as a punishment.

I think I would be hunting like a bird in like Cairns, Australia. I'd be like... If you were in the number one movie that was setting the world on fire right now and children were losing their minds at it, you wouldn't be a little curious, be like, I'm gonna go down to the theater,

like show my face and really see what happens. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't consider the children, I don't think. I'm not a guy who considers the children. Even my own daughter, I'm like, we're going to Chick-fil-A. Katie's like, what are we gonna give her? I'm like, oh right, fuck, I'm gonna look back. I'm like, does she not have a spicy chicken sandwich

or something? Did she give her a milkshake? Oh right, fuck, I'm gonna look back. Yeah, I saw you give your daughter. I'm like, if she don't have like a spicy chicken sandwich or something, should she give her a milkshake? You gave your daughter a beer the other day, I saw. That was a non-alcoholic beer that she wanted to get her mitts on. I didn't let her drink any of it. Okay, good, good, good. It's golden, that's why she's a great attacker to it.

She tried to slap it out of her hands and hand you like an actual Guinness. You're gay. Try to get me to drink again. My dad's gay. So that isn't bummed you out? I'm actually not bummed out by it now. Is there more?

Is there any more? Did he go around town doing it? I mean, is there more, Devin? It's tragic. He's skipping around the Minecraft movie in a big yellow Curious George cowboy hat, flame shorts. He got the pickaxe at Walmart, some sort of foam pickaxe, he stinks. He should be killing Eli Sunday in a bowling alley

under his house right now. You're already required to do so much press for a film, especially if it's bombing. This is such a success, he's giving himself homework. He showed up and he just decided to make a bunch of AMC employees possibly get killed that day, being his secret service, his retarded secret service. You did see guys walk in behind him

who looked like secret service guys. Yeah, they were all 500 pounds. Cause they're like, oh shit, Jack Black's here, like put on the iron suit. Yeah, they've got like former, like black rifle coffee guys are now being employed by AMC to Yeah, it's like keep Jack Black safe These guys are like secret menu service. Yeah, they're fucking they're coming in their animal style covered in cheese and onions Mm-hmm. You see how fat they were standing beside him. Yeah, some big fat motherfucker. Yeah, they're shields. Yeah

Which I guess is a good Secret Service guy actually. Yeah, most security guys are fat as shit. They should just be meat shields. Yeah This guy actually. Yeah, most security guys are fat as shit. They should just be meat shields. Yeah. But this depressed me a little bit. The Jimmy Fallon clip depressed me a lot more. Cause that felt like. Play that Fallon stuff.

That felt like. Yeah, I mean we're not on YouTube so. That felt like Northwestern Mutual trying to join in on something that was organically fun. I didn't let Jimmy Fallon steal the, people were like, oh Ben, look it's lame now, I'm like, it's not. It's, I'm not letting Jimmy Fallon destroy everything.

You have to, you can't give up so easily. Just as some retard starts doing the thing that you like, you don't have to stop doing it. You can still go, no, you're gay actually, you watch Jimmy Fallon clips and are sending Jimmy Fallon clips to people, you're gay. You're gay. I'm not I choose not to see it Mm-hmm actually, right. Here's the I

Think that's a different he's done a lot of minecraft done a lot of minecraft stuff Oh, he can't yeah, he's killing it with getting hard to defend actually. Yeah, I want the one he did in the monologue Yeah, type in chicken jockey. I think it's chicken jockey Yeah, there it is they play the real I think that's it on the left here. Yeah on the left Here we go chicken jockey It's so great so great I So crazy, dude. I think the Roots should lose Grammys for participating in this. See, that guy killed himself for being on this show.

Not a single thing I've seen of the Minecraft stuff has makes any coherent sense to me. I have no idea what I'm looking at. With any of these videos. Well, I'm here to explain everything to you. Cause I'm the unk that can speak. You're just a young unk. I'm not, I didn't even know, like I said,

I didn't know this was gonna be a phenomenon at all. I was just, I was like, I'm going. And I had the same idea as every 14 year old in the country, so I'm with it. Well the same idea as every 14 year old in the country So I'm with it. Well, you're kind of tapped into teenage zeitgeist a little bit. I noticed that about you I'm a way in yeah, you bring stuff. I've been you bring stuff up and then it's like oh that guy was shot by The police the next day. Yeah or something. In fact, there is a new a little there's a new way in on the block I'm dying to show you guys. Oh shit, cook, please cook.

Girl, I was on the floor screaming. Were you literally on the floor screaming? By the way, I've received a lot of hate for... Your crash out need to be studied. People say I'm crashing out over Severance and that I need to actually give it a shot and it's like the Sopranos basically. I've got a lot of hate over it.

Are you looking like it? I'm sure it's good, I'm sure it's good. a lot of hate over here. I'm sure it's good. I'm sure it's good. I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure it's good. Yeah, I liked it. I watched it. I enjoyed it.

I'm sure it's good. If everybody says something kicks ass, it's probably the Minecraft movie. That's the thing. You know what I mean? Right. But you were telling me that they're not even going, these kids, even the kids kinda know it sucks ass.

Well yeah, that's why they're going. Because they're like, we live in, that's what I do like about it, it's kids kind of going like, yeah, we live in corporate hell and we're fed dog slop. And it's almost like a absurdism, like it's almost like a philosophy, like let's embrace the dog slop

in order to find meaning beyond the slop. We're taking back the slop. Taking back the slop. We're gonna play in the ship We're draining the slop and like you said it's going to destroy the industry It's gonna destroy the United States of America. This movie is making America's youth into turning them into Indian people. Yeah No, it's destroying all our Martin Scorsese is having a fortnight meeting right now They're forcing Scorsese to make a fortnight movie before he does

This is the new way in on the block I wanted to show you guys. Oh, shit! It's an 11 year old boy who can imitate 50 birds. At a school talent show. It's better than you think. And this is on the news. Steve Hartman covered this. That is not a Blue J you're hearing.

Not a Robin, nor a tuff did titmouse Those sounds are all coming from a Samuel an 11 year old Samuel Henderson Autistic boy who will never have his penis touched in his entire life. I could tell it wasn't a bird It was like sounded like the Sandy Hook shooter It there was somewhere he's just a guy going cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Man, look at this kid. Oh, boy. You're finished, kid.

I know. God bless you. Look at this little. You're fucking you are done for. You little precocious fuck. This little autistic Tony soprano walking it watching the ducks outside They weren't bird noises at the dinner party. Mm-hmm a kid who's really into Tommy Bahama shirts doing bird noises I do poor fuck you poor you poor sad Retire is done then I can here's the thing, as you can see this kid, I get a snapshot of his entire existence

up till the day he dies. You kinda wear this kid at one point. I was 100% this kid, and luckily I was abused enough that it flung me out of it. Yeah. Oh yeah, I guess you're right. No, that came from a place of empathy. I'm not shitting on the kid, I'm just like,

I can tell he's done. I'm literally saying, I called him a Tommy Bahama shirt wearing kid, because I was a Tommy Bahama fat shirt wearing gig. You thought like pith helmets were cool. Flasks full of milk. Flasks full of milk, I bought a fedora that I didn't have the courage to wear.

I forgot about that. You never had the courage to wear a fedora. I never once made it outside of my own, but not even in my house would I wear it. I'd wear it in my own bedroom and my mom would walk in and I'd be like, oh! May I, Jason?

Jason would like sit on the bed and like wear a fissura and he'd play with like this pocket watch he got. He was like 12. Like you're in China. Did I have a pocket watch? I'm pretty sure you had a pocket watch. Damn, I don't remember.

I blocked that out. It was like, you were Boy Scouts core. Yeah, I was. You know what I mean? Even though the people in the Boy Scouts bullied you. Yeah. That's how much you suck. I was sloppy Joe Para. Yeah, you want I mean even though the the people in the Boy Scouts bullied you. Yeah, that's how much I was I was sloppy Joe para yeah Very good hometown buffet

By the way, I did not get I did not get bullied by other kids in the Boy Scouts I got bullied by 25 year old men who were leading the Boy Scouts. There's a big difference By the path I was bullied by the pedophiles I was bullying other pedophile victims in the Boy Scout I guess that's why it is good to be fat yeah no I told you there was that kid who looked like bubble bass whose dad made fun of him for crapping too loud and he would always cry because he'd be like sorry we're late John had to take a crap on the crapper he'd start crying and he'd run away and his fat fat ass would just like jiggle as he ran. Looked exactly like Bubble Bass, dude.

It was insane. He's wearing sundresses. Yeah, his booty-licious ass would jiggle and his dad would just talk about how he had to get on the crapper before they left. That's awesome. He's dating a skinny black guy. Sorry, John's dating a skinny black guy

because he fucks him in the crapper. The crapper. There it was. Yeah, so anyway, I empathize with this kid so much. That's where this comes from. Okay, here we go. I thought those were pretty good. Yeah, they were good.

But some. Nor a tufted titmouse. Those sounds are all coming from a Samuel, an 11-year-old Samuel Henderson. I actually quite enjoy this. Samuel, who was autistic and has Tourette's syndrome. Well, there we go. There we go.

I didn't know that. I knew that. Yeah, but if this was 1995, you would just be a kid that's really into birds. I knew it, too. He's diagnosed. Devan, if I grew up in LA in 2005, I'd be diagnosed autistic I knew it too. Yeah, but I wanted to get to it before before I found out

So I could have a few you wanted them to bury the water take a few shots before people pulled me off Right you won't get to the poor where people like he's had enough He's down dude. I mean he's learned. It's a great party trick He'll get a lot of he'll get a lot of pussy with it Part of me thinks if he didn't have access to sugar for like a month this would go right Yeah, if his nervous system wasn't inflamed and he was yeah, yeah He's dying dimethyl line blue this would all get erased Yeah, We have little autistic 11-year-olds making bird noises

and they're not going to get any pussy because of the sugar and Cheetos. They're never going to rape like my dad and my uncle did. There's too much plastic in the balls for them to rape at a healthy rate. We're going to be a rapeless country soon. RFK getting us back in raping shape. I got off all grains and I started raping animals

in Central Park because my T levels went back up. I beat Cheryl Hines with a bell. He kinda looks like he chokes her a bit. Yeah, a little bit. Did you see her get all offended at Trump? Yeah, Devin says, there's a clip of Trump says hi to R.F.K. and then Cheryl tries to give him a big hug and he doesn't even see her get all offended at Trump? Yeah, Devin said to me. There's a clip of Trump says hi to RFK and then Cheryl tries to give him a big hug and he doesn't even see her.

Doesn't even know it. It's amazing. And she has such a curb reaction, dude. She just like turns her head. Yeah, it was pretty great. Here we go. Enjoy this. Samuel, who was autistic and has Tourette's syndrome,

can perfectly imitate 50 birds. What's the hardest bird to do? Probably the barn swallow. How's that go? Do you ever think you might be a bird? I gotta say, now that I see how autistic his face is, it's much harder to make fun of him. He's not autistic. Can we stop with the autism stuff?

He just loves birds. He's blinking like an autist. He's got those hard manual blinks. I don't mean to be devil's advocate here, but we lack empathy for people now. And that's why we have to say, ah, he's autistic. Because you don't want to meet him at his level. So you get to just put him in the he's autistic box.

It's just saying someone's retarded. That's all it is. It's going, ah, he's fucking retarded. Don't worry about him. Out of sight, out of mind. And then you can have groups and raise money and then pretend that you actually give a fuck about them. Just accept that there are some people who are put on this earth to worship birds

and sound like birds and that's fine. They're not autistic, they don't have ADHD. They're human beings just like me and you. You don't have to diagnose them with something. They just have love in your heart for everybody. You know what I mean? I have love in my heart for this kid, but he blinks like an iguana in an aquarium.

That's cause of the sugar. That's cause of the sugar. It's just cause of the sugar. It's not autism. That gave him autism that he has. And listen, I love putting people in boxes. That's my favorite thing to do. I love writing off every single human a lot.

I love things that come in boxes. That's my favorite thing to do. I love writing off every single human a lot. I love things that come in boxes. I drive around town and I go, I go pedophile, rapist, gay, idiot, moron. Yeah. I guess you're right, but all the twitching stuff, it's an inflammation of the nervous system that's causing it to short circuit. Because of stuff in the water

and the amount of sugar and stuff. I guarantee you if you went back to like the Gilded Age or something, people wouldn't be like twitching and sounding like birds. Because if they were at two, they'd get a big pickaxe in their brain and then thrown on the heap of retarded kids. They're dead, put a pickaxe.

You'd be like, oh, we got another rotten one. Wait a minute! This one went bad. Yeah. You'd be like, oh, we got another rotten one. Wait a minute. This one went bad. Went bad. He's like, chuck this one on the retarded kid pile. It's a little bit, I think, survivor's bias on that one. Yeah, we don't know. It's like when they're always like, why are the rates of autism rising?

It's like, well, you just put cigarettes out on those kids in the 50s. Right. Yeah, it definitely, it's got to be something with the vaccine. But listen? It's like, well, you just put cigarettes out on those kids in the 50s, you know? Right. Yeah, it definitely, it's gotta be something with the vaccines. But listen, I'm woke and gay, so who knows? Maybe you're right. Yeah. Yeah. All I know if you go to the doctor

and you ask a question about vaccines, they look at you like you're, like you asked for Hitler to rise from the dead. So. If you have a single question about. Yeah, you're not allowed to criticize it at all. And anything you're not allowed to criticize, at all and anything you're not allowed to criticize It's for a good measure. Well, you know, so or I have questions about so

We're just trying having kids and go to the doctor and be hesitant about a vaccine and see how How they react it's insane. Mm-hmm absolutely. They make bird noises And blink really hard at you. Now, so I would like to say I love this boy. He's one of my favorite little boys. I love his little bird shirt. I love him. I love him too.

And he's not autistic. He's just like you and me. He just has an interest in birds and there's nothing wrong with that. Okay. He should not be allowed to drive a vehicle though once he reaches the age of 16. And he should not be able to vote.

There should be several limitations on his existence. But here we go. And he also should not be able to buy a firearm. I'd also like to put that out. But I have nothing but love. The reporter goes, do my wife. He goes, you're a stupid bitch, John. He's a parent or a stupid bitch, John.

He's a parrot or something. You're a bird. Yeah. Some people say that I swallowed birds. But you haven't swallowed any birds. No. I do hate the way the reporter talks to this child. Those drive me crazy, the way they do that shit.

This is how they always do it. That is infantilizing a little bit. It's condescending. Yeah, where he's like, so you're a little boy who loves talking to birds. Isn't that wonderful? You're talking to like a dog at that point. But these kids are always savants.

They're always way smarter than the reporter anyway. He's probably doing calculus in his head and stuff. Yeah, the kid's way smarter than the reporter. They never get the cool kid on the nose. You never see some Patagonia wearing old fag interviewing a kid like, so you fucked your teacher. What was that like? You're pretty sick. Yeah, it's a kid smoking a cigarette. He's like, it was pretty fucking tight, man.

And now you're charging her with rape? She's getting money too. It's like, well her pussy got dry on me so I had to throw it to the dogs, you know? It's a real sissy. I'm excited to see where this goes, by the way. They always do this show where they're like, so when did you start getting into birds? He's like, I got into birds at three.

He goes, you got into birds at three years old. Wow. Wow, isn't that wonderful? Well, chickens. Okay. The kid is a porn entertainer. Because we eat chicken. Yeah, I know, I know I got but since I haven't swallowed birds. I swallowed chickens though He's laughing. That's very good chicken

Yeah, he's good God get him in ratatouille to the White House Correspondence Center Practiced his calls on the playground, alone along the back fence. A lot of kids at his Choctaw, Oklahoma school hadn't ever heard. He just loves birds. He's not autistic. I'd like to reiterate that. He's a little autistic, but they're also kind of ruining his life because they're there

for one day and everybody in his class is like, hey, they're filming the retarded kid by the fence. He's getting carried the minute they leave that school. Yeah, they're beating the shit out of him. They're putting socks, they're filling socks with bars of soap. There's a little Sid from Toy Story who gets cigarettes put on him at night

who's going to kill this kid a week from now. He's getting hunted. Yeah, he's going to give him a swirly until he dies, like he's in Guantanamo. This is a mean thing they're doing to this boy They make him stand up hooked up to like electrical circuits with the hood on yeah, yeah on a milk Great, he's strapping him to a bed frame. That's hooked to a car battery. He's shocking his nipples and his nuts It's a mean thing. They're doing to the sweet sweet until the annual Nacoma Park intermediate school talent show Samuel really wanted to compete but no kid from special ed had ever participated Until the annual Nacoma Park Intermediate School Talent Show.

Samuel really wanted to compete. But no kid from special ed had ever participated. And this would be mostly singing and dancing and band instruments. So Bird sounds? His mother was nervous. The Sumpkins can be mean. See, she's been through the hell. She's been through hell with this boy that she loves. I'd just break my heart if that were to have happened.

May I say another thing, by the way? If he was just obsessed with baseball or like basketball stats, he would just be like a Stump the Schwab guy. And no one would think he's weird. He wouldn't be inspec- because it's birds. We get to decide what is important or what's interesting or what's not, right? It's just not a cool thing that he's autistically into.

Thank you. Now he's autistic because it's birds. And that's what my heart breaks for the kid, is just he's born, right? It's just not a cool thing that he's autistically into. No, he's autistic because it's birds. And that's what my heart breaks for the kid, is just he's born in a society that's gonna get him killed at 12 in the toilet of a middle school. We have to save him. We have to make him fourth Mike on this show.

Yeah, we have to bring this boy to Hollywood and save him. If he was autistic for porn, you know, that'd be cool. He's like, he was Asakira04bangbros. Yeah, definitely Asakira04bangbros. She, definitely Asakira04bangbros. Yeah, she deactivated her OnlyFans, but you can find pictures on Reddit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was a Bella Danger 09. Yeah, yeah. She didn't wanna do the gangbang. She went away, she cried, she came back, then continued the scene. You could actually see tears in her eyes. Yep, mm-hmm, Bella Danger. Yeah, that's from an E-fuck compilation

of chicks quitting during the porn. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely Rocko Man E fuck compilation of chicks quitting during the porn. Yeah. Yeah Rockleman free D shit on his cock during an anal scene porn blooper number 420 Should I call her oh god, that's amazing. I got her number. Oh, yeah She's a queen. I have awesome is it awesome ass Assa. Assa. Assa. I got a number. That's amazing Maybe we should have on the show. I should give it her number to Joey and you guys should call her That would be that would be like giving a dog the number to a steak that would not end Well, actually Devon respects her too much. He wouldn't even let Joey do that. No, I yeah

You wouldn't run her through the ringer. that. After all, she's done for you. She's like a Pearl Harbor veteran. I would salute her. You're pushing her in a wheelchair. And I go, thank you for all you've done. Her pussy's bleeding. She's shitting into a bag. She's like, I remember June 6th, 45.

That's 80 men, daddy, my pussy. Some good young boys. Uh, back to the bird man. Yeah. But Lori says his teacher convinced her that Samuel needed to spread his wings, so to speak. So he took to the stage. At first, the other kids didn't know what to think. It really sounded like there was a bird in the building.

Exactly right. I was like, what is this? That's a future sheriff right there. But as he continued and laid his passion bear, jaws dropped. The crowd came alive, and Samuel was not only accepted, he was admired. He's really brave. It takes like a lot of courage to get yourself up there.

Incredible group of kids this kid goes to school with. These are fantastic children. I have not had this much hope for the future in a while. The black kid was covering his mouth though. He's trying not to laugh. Did you see the black kid? Well, you know, actually I just read a story. The black kid stabbed covering his mouth though. He's trying not to laugh. Talking about the bird kid. Did you see the black kid? Well, you know, actually I just read a story. The black kid stabbed him in the heart a couple days ago.

Look at the black kid. He's trying to stay serious. Yeah. He's trying to stay serious. Yeah, we also. I don't want to be Mr. Negative. We're seeing the best of the best right here. There's still one kid trying not to laugh.

The black kid can do every impression of Kane and Thompson. There's still one kid trying not to laugh. The black kid can do every impression of Kaden Thompson. It's a school of many talents. I will say this is a nice group of little kids. Yeah. They were wonderful. Jaws dropped. The crowd came alive and Samuel was not only accepted,

he was admired. He's really brave. It takes like a lot of courage to get yourself up there. He aced it. I don't think I saw one single kid like not clapping their hands. The kids are roaring. I'm so happy to see him living his dreams. Killing them.

My heart just exploded. It's been almost a year since that talent show. And guess who now rocks the playground? Samuel. That's who. Everyone here can do a peacock. It goes like this. Now that's something to crow about.

I believe this was a great horned owl. Playground. That's something to crow about. Something to crow about. Living his was a great horned out playground Terrible pun for all the bird things Like birds of a feather they flock together right but it's something to crow about Kill yourself. I'm seeing if it was a great horned out. I'm gonna pull this up off my life You're there you get really aggressive with the kid. You're like, that's not it I'm gonna pull this up off my life. You're there you get really aggressive with the kid. You're like, that's not it You go on stage and shove them you go. They're not endemic to North America. That's a South American bird

Look at the Merwin app asshole Fuck me. Fuck me. Build the wall. Build the wall. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. That's the Great Horndale. He's outside my bedroom all the time. Let me see if... And almost a year since that talent show. I think he's doing a Great Horndale. And guess who now rocks the playground. Woo, woo, woo, woo. Did he have the pattern and everything down?

Everything was perfect. You're going bar for bar with this kid everything's perfect You're in a cipher with this kid Amul that's who everyone here can do a peacock it goes like this Now that's something to crow about Steve Hartman on the road in Choctaw, Oklahoma. Steve Hartman forced to go to hell. Choctaw. Choctaw, Oklahoma.

Oh, you know those guys do like CBS Sunday morning guys when they have to do a thing in like Topeka or something. You know, there's bodies. Oh yeah. They know all the hiding spots. Yeah, he's going on Reddit. He's like, best place to kill a handjob lady at a Chinese massage place.

Yeah, it's the CBS killing fields. There's just a wake of bodies everywhere, like on the road. Is it Steve Hartman? Is it Steve Hartman? Yeah. Him. Yeah, the makeup lady.

Mo Roca. Mo Roca's a freak. Mo Roca is like no Roca's a freak Mo Roca before they do interviews the makeup lady has to take belt marks off of his neck Mo Roca is going to Jekyll Island with a submachine gun. Oh, yeah hunting people. Yeah, but he's doing Anders Brevik shit, Mo Rocca Mo Rocca Why that they do this. Why do they do this? Why do they enter people's homes? I don't know.

They've done this for 30, 40 years. They must be sick people. I remember as a kid watching Mo Rocca and being like, that is not a real person. That guy was invented by the New York Times crossword puzzle to just do a referent bullshit. You know Mo Rocca's gay. I did know that. You know Mo Rocca's gay? No. I didn't know that. You know Mo'Roka's gay? I did know that, yeah. You know Mo'Roka's gay? No, I don't know that.

You like Mo'Roka? I'm barely processing who he is. Then pull up some Mo'Roka for Devin real quick. Let's look at a little Mo'Roka. Pull up some Mo'Roka. He's great, I mean I love his work. He'll interview a lady who loves hummingbirds. You go, wow.

He'll be like, we're interviewing the oldest racist woman. Still alive. I like the, he did a presidential history thing. He does a lot of editorial stuff for CBS Sunday Morning too. Yeah, let me see here. Cheech and charm. Did not take me to the playlist.

I love CBS Sunday Morning so much, just waking up and being like, hey, I guess I'm listening to a Rami Malek interview for 15 minutes today. I love this. And the most softball interviews of all time too. It kicks ass. Yeah, yeah, here we go.

Presidential history with Mo Roca. An hour 58 minutes. Yeah, I've watched some of this. It's pretty good actually. ["Sunday Boys"] Love that noise. It gets me going. We're whites. I love that noise. It gets me going.

We're whites. Whites only. On Sunday morning. Have you ever heard a whites only anthem like that? Sunday morning. Blue bell. Sunday morning before the blacks wake up. That's a wake up the slaves. Yeah. Yeah, that's revelry. Yeah, wake the slaves

Trumpet. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're sleeping in their quarters Yeah No, there were slaves who heard that and a shiver went down their spine by the way before we did Charles Osgood died By the way, is it just Jane Paulina or did he retire? Wait, what happened Charles Osgood was the old host of Sunday morning. I believe he's dead. He's died I think what happened to Charles Osgood was the old host of Sunday Morning. I believe he's dead. He's died? I think. What happened to Charles Osgood? I think he was very old.

He got autohorotic-affixiated with his bow tie and died. You mean, I'm Charles Osgood? Yeah, he died last year. Oh, damn. He was really good. Pour one out for the homie. One of the big reporters for 60 Minutes I Like, he did this amazing thing on that, you know that little island where all those monks live

and they don't let anybody go? It's like the original Christians. Yeah, I think vaguely. There's like a hundred of them, they can't fuck. Isn't it like in Greece or something? And they sleep two hours a night and they pray all day. It's like off the coast of Italy or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a role on Creed

or something like that. Yeah, it's yeah, like a roll in creed or something like that. Yeah, it's called, I'll pull it up right now. It's called Pedophile Island. I actually kind of wanted to show this to you guys because Island type in, they're monks but they're Christian technically. It's like they say they're the original followers of Christ actually.

Mount Athos. Yeah, yeah, this place right here. So this reporter, Bob Simon. Oh yeah, Bob Simon. You know, he's dead. Yeah. So they all die after doing one of these? I guess so.

Yeah, they're like cicadas. So this is what really, I looked into his death. He just hopped into an Uber from whatever hotel he was staying at in Manhattan, got in it, and the guy on the freeway went crazy and crashed into something and killed him. He was dead. He was just going to, oh Jesus.

I mean a lot of people travel. You're in Manhattan, you hop in a thing, you go somewhere eight minutes, it totally killed him. And I guess this guy that was driving him had his license like taken away and then bright Like you never know who you're getting in the car. You never know what psycho Yeah, you know, he's crazy. We just get in cars and God knows how they drive. I think it was Bob Simon I could be wrong But that's shit out of me. I'm like damn I always just get in a car and act like it's just

But that scared the shit out of me. I'm like, damn, I always just get in a car and act like it's just, he's good. He has 500 rides, he's fine. What else was he supposed to, if he gets on the subway, if he dies there, his body gets fucked to death and robbed. He steps on the subway, they're like, hey, that's Bob Simon's ass. Yeah, so I had that article saved.

See that? There's a guy, Jesse, he died of a heart attack on the subway. So he gets, well, this is real? And then a guy walked over and mugged him. heart attack on the subway. So he has what? This is real? This is real. And then a guy walked over and mugged him. He took his wallet from him, a dead man, and then after that, no one intervened. Someone actually walked over

and started raping his dead body. Oh my God. So that guy was like, I wasn't going to until that guy broke the seal or whatever? No, I think it was just the order of events in New York. It's like, pat him down, take his wallet, and then, hey, you get in here, now rape him. Yeah, it was just the order of events in New York. Yeah. It's like, you know, pat him down, take his wallet, and then, hey, you get in here, now rape him. Yeah, it's like the water cycle.

Yeah. First you get mugged, then you get raped. Yeah, it's a New York burial. Yeah, we buried him like the Vikings do. We raped him on a big pile of wood. They bash and malt liquor against the side of the subway. God damn, imagine, that's somebody's like dad and you gotta hear that, like your dad died

and then he was mugged and then he was raped. And then people just like, there's like old Jewish guys who didn't stop reading their paper. Like he was getting raped into an old Jewish guy's leg and the old Jewish guy just kinda like shifted his leg over to the side. He's raping me dead.

As a guy's getting raped right there and he's just like, he's like, oh my god, this city. I guarantee you by 3 AM he looked like that crusade soldier that was exhumed from a bog. That guy from like 800 years ago. Yeah. That body they fished out of a bog that had been slightly preserved for 800 years.

And his eyes were the giant white cue balls. His teeth were in his penis. He's probably still on the subway, by the way. It's probably like collateral at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where Tom Cruise just died. He's still there. They should have made it where then someone comes over

and starts raping Tom Cruise's dead body. Tom Cruise over the way was just like, guy dies on the subway in Los Angeles, gets raped for 18 hours before anybody finally pulls him off the train. I know we've talked about this before, but it's very funny that his name was Mr. Collateral. Vince Collateral. Vince Collateral. Vince Collateral. That's so funny.

Thank God it got cut out of the fucking movie. Awful, awful point. Yeah. I'm just double checking. Bob Simon. I'm Jamie-ing myself right now. Bob Simon died in 2015 at the age of 73. 73. Let me. A giant of broadcasting.

On February 11, 2015, Bob Simon was discovered unconscious with severe head injuries in a car crash on the West Side Highway. Been on it many times. Of Manhattan, New York. His four-hire driver had lost control, resulting in a collision with another vehicle. Simon was extracted from the roof of the limo

by rescue workers and transported to St. Luke's. So he's a limo driver, actually. Survived the crash, had his driver's license suspended nine times between 2011 and Simon's death. Could they be saying for hire, but it could still be like an Uber driver, right? That's just what they call it on Wikipedia? I'm assuming he was doing some sort of story, and he was a service that was hired for Bob and they sent a town

Car or whatever. Yeah, since somebody sent mr. Toad. Yeah This is an amazing thing a man from Cambodia named the mr. Toad Killed the Bob Simon Bob Simon who did like reports on like the Lebanon war Yeah in the bullets firing over his head. He's killed by a comedian guy named. Mr. Dodd. I Love that a drive on drive. Have you seen that viral clip? No drive on drive? No, actually, maybe we should end the episode watching that Let's do that drive on drive. You haven't seen that clip. It sounds great. It's so It's over here on guy. I I get a pep in my step. I think it's drive uncle.

Drive uncle. Uncle drive, yeah, yeah, this was eight months ago. This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. So this is a carjacking that you're watching here. Okay. This is before the carjacking? Is this in New York or in London where they're trying to stab that guy?

I believe so, yeah. Give me a kiss, bro. Give me bad red bones that guy? I believe so, yeah. So this is Uncle Drive right here. And they're getting out of their damn car. Oh, because he's driving on the right side. Yeah, it's in England. Yeah, so they're getting out of their car here. Oh yeah, this video's insane. You've seen this, Devin?

Yeah. And Uncle Drive won't drive, no matter how many times a guy's getting stabbed in his backseat. Yeah, I remember you telling me about this. He's like yelling about his seats, getting blood on them in his car. So these young buds get out of the car, and he's just still... It's like a... It's an ambush.

I gotta say real quick, it's without the guns and stuff, it's so weak. It is, but it's still scarier. You're running around pathetically. It's like it's an ambush. I gotta say real quick, it's without the guns and stuff, it's so weak. It is, but still it's scarier. You're running around pathetically though. I'd rather get shot I think honestly. Stabbed 80 times. Getting stabbed a million times, you gotta yell at some guy that wants to go

to Kill Tony that night to high tail it out of there for you. Yeah. You can't run away from a bullet, you know what I mean? Yeah, but you just get shot and then you're dead, you know? You're not getting stabbed an inch away from like an immigrant's face. I guess you're right. Look at the violent motions of the stabbing here.

Drive, huh, drive. Yeah, so this guy gets ambushed. He drive. He's getting like stabbed by these guys. Now he reverses. He's rolling his windows down? I'm pretty much convinced he wanted all the black people to die because they were black. I'm pretty sure.

Okay, so the guy gets in the car who's being attacked and stabbed. He's still, Uncle Drive still doesn't understand that he's under attack. Look at his knife. He's getting stabbed through the fucking window. By both sides, both sides. My granddad uncle, my uncle Drive, my sides. My gun. I have a gun. I have a gun. Drive. Oh my god. I have a gun. I have a gun.

I have a gun. That's crazy. Drive, dude. No, he keeps talking about his car. I have a fucking gun. I have a gun. Drive. Drive, uncle.

Get the gun. You guys are just running along the car just stabbing him. Oh my god. Oh my god. Drive, uncle, please. Please. Oh my god. Oh my god. Does he have stab wounds uncle please. Please. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Does he have stab wounds on him? Yeah, yeah, he stabbed all over. He's bleeding everywhere. He just hasn't really gotten like very bloody yet. My god, everything broke my friend. He just said my car, everything's broken. My car, everything's broken.

Uncle, drive faster. Oh yeah, fuck, you can see the blood starting to pour down. Uncle, drive faster. I'm gonna pay you uncle. You uncle. Oh yeah, the blood's soaking through the shirt. Take him to a hospital dude. What a fucking nightmare. That's so much worse than getting shot dude. He's there for 45 seconds getting stabbed. That was so terrifying.

An uncle won't fucking drive. You're getting stabbed for so long, you think in your head, you're like, man, I've been stabbed for a fucking while now. Yeah. Like, this is kind of crazy. You think the Indian guy would have some, well, actually, OK, let me calm down.

I never know the race of people before I start accusing him of things. You're real Bret Farr with your racism. Just Hail Mary's all over the place. You're real Farr from the hip. What is he? Enlighten me please. Does anyone know the race of Uncle Dry?

You see his slight paper bag skin and you just, pew! It's a fucking fast draw. He's Indian though. They only care about electronics. That's what it is at the end of the day. He's like my stereo, my car handles. He was immediately, he was upset about the windows getting bashed while the guy's getting gang bang stabbed

in the back seat. He wouldn't drive. He didn't even care about his own life. Yeah, that's the crazier thing, is like, get away from the people stabbing this guy a bunch of times. You're a witness, dude. I mean, by his associates, right? Are stabbing him? You do, times. You're a witness, dude. By his associates, right?

Are stabbing him? Yeah, it was an ambush, yeah. You feel safer in the presence of someone who cares about living conditions. What does that mean? Like this guy doesn't care. He doesn't care that people are trying to stab this guy in the back seat.

He's like, you're getting blood on this seat. Because he's very likely a product of incest. Uncle Drive is great, but let's be honest. His name is Uncle Drive is great, but let's be honest. He was born to drive slowly and get people stabbed to death. Yeah, he was born inside that car and he'll die inside that car. He's like a turtle. Yeah, zero reaction time, zero instinct.

Zero instinct, just no instincts on Uncle Drive. If you break his car, he dies. He's connected to it. He has so many chromosomes. There's so many problems. His spinal cord grows into the seat. Yeah. He can't get out of that car.

He can't get out. He is the car. He is the car, that's what I'm saying. He's like a sand. He's likely so dumb that he is, it's technically drunk driving every day of his life. I guarantee you he went to a self-car wash before he even took him to the hospital.

It was like vacuuming up the glass. His reaction to one of the scariest things that I've seen on video is shockingly slow. Horrifying. He backs into them first off, too. He sees a bunch of guys with hoodies on and masks stabbing his customer, and he backs in and then goes, what's going on?

And then the windows get bashed and the guy is getting mauled in his back seat. With giant blades. A giant blade. Giant blades and he sits there in neutral for like 20 seconds. Literally going like, my car, my car. That's a good point, he didn't have to, it was in drive.

He didn't have to shift either. Yeah. He had no, he... He could have let go of the brake actually and would have rolled away. He never yells for his life in that video on Drive. All he does is care about his Nissan. Is the interior.

The interior of his Nissan. All superficial damages can be repaired by the way. It's not like they're stabbing his engine or something. Yeah. I will say he's darker than the guy in the back seat. Look, look at the color of his skin. He's the Unc in this situation. I did clock that immediately.

I clocked him immediately. That's how I watch all pieces of media that I see. Is I immediately rank people. Am I wrong? I think Unc is darker. No, Unc is darker. Unc is darker, right? Yeah.

Well, yeah, Unc is Indian. This guy is English. He's got like an English accent. Unka's driving straight to the Lily Phillips gang bang, right? He's gonna hop in line. Bro, I was supposed to fuck her. Uncle Drive definitely has fucked Lily and Bonnie. That's why he's mad. He's fucked up, dude.

I swear he fucked up. Yeah. He doesn't. He fucked up. He fucked both of them like he's mad. He fucked up the game. I swear to God. Yeah. He doesn't, he fucked up, he fucked both of them like he's delivering, he's delivering a double dash. It's a double dash. He's like, I gotta go to McDonald's and Wendy's. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. That guy's bleeding out unconscious in his back seat and he's walking into the game then. He's like, I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water.

I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water.

I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. getting in an Uber. It's never a white person, by the way. And I had a white guy in Austin, but he was like 500 pounds

and looked like he was strapped to the seat. He looked like he just slept sitting up in his car. He was strapped. He drives a C-cap. Yeah. Austin Uber drivers really suck. Horrible, do they show up in old cars? They're really bad. It's weird.

They're very desperate when you get in. They're horrible. It's sad. The whole city I read up on, everyone's getting raped and drugged and thrown in vans and thrown into the lake. It's like Sing Sing. It's really crazy. The police do nothing about anything.

So, in closing here, patreon.com slash lemon party, we're gonna get into this on the Patreon because Devin got us great investigative journalism. Devin went to Austin, he learned everything about the city and the mothership, we're gonna get into this on the patreon cuz Devon got us great on Investigative journalism that was Austin. There's everything about the city and the mothership. We're gonna get into it on the So and Mark's And a little Benson Boone just a little bit of a so Mark's a little Benson Boone Maybe a nice brisket poached egg Taco. Yep breakfast a bunch of things that suck ass somehow that should be good, but they've ruined. They've ruined everything. It's the opposite of the golden touch.

Seeing the same, people that you try to, you see them and you go, I know that guy. And you try to piece them together almost like Memento. But then by the time you get to who they are, you go, I didn't care to remember that last person. So you're nothing. You're literally, you're the, you're. You're just seeing reflections of people.

I feel like I could, I could put my hand through people. Most of the people I was around, everyone, it's like Morgan Wayland's and girls in cowboy hats and the cowboy boots. Everyone's in a costume. We're gonna get into it. Save that, cause I know you're pent up right now. No, there's not much to, you know.

No, we're gonna get into it. I had a fun time otherwise. No, we're gonna rip it to shreds, because I got something to say about this whole deal down there. About the city? Yeah. Well, they're living great lives,

I mean, they're having a great time. Yeah. It's a carnival every fucking night. Yeah, well just wait until the day God comes and destroys it like Sodom and Gomorrah. It's a carnival every night. When a cone of fire rains down on that whole city and burns it up. You leave a club and when I when a cone of fire rains down on that whole city and burns it up

You leave a club and there's like a there's like a recently famous like triple amputee in the street taking a picture with like 50 bros from like UT and he's a celebrity. He has a knife sticking out of his head Yeah, and he's he's like bigger than Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, it's the new big comedian. It's an actual human shit in a wheelchair with googly eyes on it And bros are like Bros like dude, it's the human shit in a wheelchair Devin Devin shook hands with all the the big guys. We're gonna we're gonna really break it down on the patreon There's a lot. I didn't really there's a lot to go through

That was just I just hung out with he. He went to Brian Redman's show. I did. Yeah, I called you immediately. I was like, I couldn't believe this. Gardini took me to some good spots. He knew all the times. I know. The people were coming out on stage.

It was a really fun time. We're gonna get into it. Okay. We're gonna get into it. I'm very hungry right now and I need to order McDonald's or something. Okay. All right.

Or we can get real food. I'm not, you can eat. Yeah, I'm not terribly, I ate before I came. All right. Why am I the only one that's hungry? You have to share a stomach with you. Like we're conjoined twins. I mean, I'm starving over here, it's 3 p.m. Did you not eat today?

No, I haven't had a snack. I brought a bag of beef jerky over with me, so I've just been munching that. I am at 240 pounds now, so when I eat a normal meal, in my head it's a snack, and when I eat a regular meal it's two meals. You were 230 a week ago, weren't you? Yeah, I ballooned up pretty quick.

It's kinda awesome. Damn, dude. I'm really liking it. Damn. Really. Yeah. I think this is kinda, I going to go the other way now. But it was fun getting up. It was fun seeing Everest, you know?

Now I'm just going to- See all the dead bodies along the way. I'm just going to enjoy the peak and then walk back down, pretty much. Or not. Or not. Or keep going. Or maybe I'm dead.

Keep on climbing. Shoot for the moon. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. Devin Costa, Jay Zavory, of course. Do you guys have anything else you'd like to say? No, no. I think LemonParty.life, there should be tickets. We're coming to Seattle, Portland.

The Seattle and Portland tickets are up. I don't think the ticket links for the LA and San Diego shows are up yet. They might be. We need to make Eventbrites for the LA shows. There's going to be two LA shows. I'm sorry. We can't find a bigger venue for obvious reasons. But we're going to do two shows. Those will sell out quick. And then I think San Diego's might be up already. We're coming to San Diego. That's going to be in June. So yeah, just check the website. The links will be up when we secure things. We're trying to come to San Francisco. We're looking for a spot. A lot of cities we share values with.

Yes. It'll definitely go well for us. Yes. I'm sure we'll be back. Well, woke is dead, Devin. I don't know about those places. Woke's dead. Woke's dead.

And we killed it. Yep. You're right. Everyone's a Nazi in Portland, I bet. I bet we go there. It's like all white supremacists. Well, the people who, yeah. It'll be guys that drive in on tractors and stuff.

Yeah, exactly. We're gonna have the cast of Green Room drive to the show in a big school bus with a Hitler sign on it. We're gonna have a Hitler ISD school bus outside the show. I keep trolling people on X and people are trying to figure out like who is this guy who's such a violent weirdo? Yeah, you're doing great masters. That was great stuff the lib stuff

Yeah, which is great because the masters guys don't even they haven't even discovered what trolling is yet Well, I just got to give a shout out to the lemon party listeners Because they're doing they do great work in the replies because their name will be like the n-word And they'll just tweet like chicken jockey. And it just confuses people who are in the replies trying to put context together to figure out what my point of contention is, what's going on. And there's so much noise. There's a sea of noise of guys that listen to the podcast

under me that they can't, it makes them even madder. And then they start fighting with the people who are replying to me. One guy tweeted at someone who was mad at me, like, isn't this Tim Dillon's lackey or somebody? Like, who the fuck is this guy? And then some guy responded to him and said, I'm gonna fuck your grandma.

Or I think he said, I'm gonna rape your grandma. I think that's specifically what he did. Which is insane and completely out of context and makes really no sense. Which is you read that reply and you get scared. Yeah, and you delete your Twitter. You remove it from your phone. You're like, this guy might do it.

Yeah, that's great. You're like a fed in a protest. You're just causing problems and then backing away. Some guy made it fun of how my daughter looked and the Discord, a whole group of them, they worked night and day. They doxed him completely, found out where he works. Good, fuck him.

I love these guys, they're amazing. God bless them. God bless the listeners. They're amazing people. It was amazing how mad people were. You were posting like Jack Nicholson, like that video of Jack Nicholson doing the ceremonial TF, you're like, look, solo,

can you barely get it down the fairway? And there's like goatee guys like, I will fucking kick your ass. I will fucking kill you. And you see Vandals are replying to them, like and they come in with like fake stats and like Photoshop stuff. They're just absolutely destroying,

making people lose their mind completely. A guy who's threatening to kick your ass, he's like drop a pen, I'll buy a plane ticket. And then Vandals like, when can a young on get a chicken sandwich? What does that mean? What does it mean, damn it? What is wrong with you?

Damn you! Because it says I just drop a little thing and it's like this magnet for like chaotic darkness that just ruins people's day, maybe week. It's a little whale fall you create on the timeline, just like shrimps and like lobsters like start crawling everywhere, yeah. They're so good, they're so good at it.

They're such a violent, there's one guy who just named the N-word that makes me laugh sometimes. I don't know why he's allowed to just be called the N-word. Right. Because it's based, it's based, it's based. Come to the box. Some things are concerning and that is not one of them. That is based.

I love looking at this out at the sea of retards on the internet. It warms my heart. Nothing has made me more happy about what we've built here. Yeah, it sure is. Been seeing them just devastate the normies. Absolutely, just ratioing people on the ground with nonsense.

I love them. Doxing people, threatening people, threatening self harm. Yeah. Threatening self harm. Yep. Breaking all the rules, social boundaries. No, it's like you're Moses and you just point your finger in a swarm of locusts to send on somebody.

I will rape your grandma. I think it said, I will rape your grandma and I laughed very hard. Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah. Especially, I received a lot, I went after Dave Portnoy again and people got, people weren't. I saw that.

Yeah. But people weren't really, oh in closing I just want to say, I love you Rory McElroy. Yeah, shout out Rory McElroy. I love you and your money. I love you so much. I love you Rory McElroy. Me and Jason are such fags. We've watched his speech after like three times.

You just showed me upstairs. It almost made me cry. I don't even know what I'm looking at. It kicks ass. It rules. You got to shut up the critics. Greatness shuts up the critics. They'll gaslight you until you get your hands on that trophy.

You know what I mean? And then they can't say shit. Yeah the Jason Whitlock's of the world aren't gonna Aren't gonna you know make people? Move one way or the other the Nick Wright's Who's Nick Wright just a guy who looks like a human Jack just a loser yeah a Guy who looks like Jack Black in the mic Yeah.

A guy who looks like Jack Black in the Minecraft. He's one of the ugliest people to ever exist. Well, Jimmy looks like Ichabod Crane was a wigger. He looks insane. And he'll just be like, this player only had 30 points. Oh, he's been rewriting what people's, if you're young, you have no clue what, you just, his opinion on basketball. What's his hot take on everything?

He's just, he just comes from the, the new era of the statisticians, thatians that you don't feel anything watching anything. No moment ever happened. It's just what are the numbers, the mathematical numbers. Everything's a ranking system at all times. You're just rewriting a history of sports. I hate him. I don't really tune in. of sports. I hate him.

I don't really tune in. I refuse to click on. He makes me violently angry, so I haven't watched anything he's done in a decade. Oh, he pisses you off that much? That much, yeah. Yeah. Guys who are talking about like...

I activate. You actually, your doctor told you to stop reading Nick Wright articles. Yeah, and watching him on his show, yeah. Yeah. There are guys who are talking about the next season of the NBA when they're in the Western Conference Finals. To the point where you're like, this shouldn't exist anymore.

There's too much discourse. Yeah. Anyway. Well, I can't believe that Evan's actually staying away from something that triggers him that much. Usually you can't get enough. I've seen you down bottles of toxic bleach. I've seen you just dive into a vat of nuclear waste.

Well, yeah, no, I mean, I have to pick my spots. Pick your battles. Or else I will, like, when LeBron first came to the Lakers, I had to pretend to accept it, because I was like, I'm gonna give myself cancer if I keep fighting this. I will die of cancer. You're getting blood work done every quarter.

It was just an internal battle every day. I'm like, my favorite team, what? And then Kobe died and then he keeps playing and then I'm like, I have to fake accept this. I have to figure out a way. So you like LeBron now? He's great. Because I don't want to die.

He won't kill me. Because you don't want to die, you love LeBron. I love the jurors, the Lakers, it's never been more, it's never been more pure. Your phone wallpaper is that photo of LeBron in his pool. Yeah, I'm smiling through it all. Yeah. That's your wallpaper. That's my wallpaper. I love him. I love what he I love his positive. I love him. I love him so much

Mm-hmm. He's the king He's the king goat James Goat James. I love I love when he like appears on twitch streams. Mm-hmm. That's so cool I like when he reads the first page of a book for 20 years straight. Is that a thing? Yeah, he's been reading Malcolm X's autobiography for 40 years. He started page one when he was one and he's on page two. I think we've told you about it, but there's a very funny clip where they ask him, they go, what do you think about the book? Because he was just

holding it up in interviews and he's like, it's got words, the table contents is great. I think the first page of the forward is magnificent. The cover is, I like the texture of the cover. It was copyrighted 1968, great year. Penguin. The title of the book is also on another page before the book even starts.

Which I looked at that for a while. I looked at that. There's some blank pages, I don't know what they're there for. No, yeah, it's a lot. There was a young guy, there was some 22 year old kid at a bar a few years ago and the Lakers were in the playing

because they were in the playing four years ago even though LeBron was the greatest basketball player of all time and in a very bad conference, but somehow that doesn't matter. And the kid was just yelling like, "'Goat, goat.'" And I was standing next to this more middle-aged Mexican couple that obviously lived through

the last 20 years of Kobe and stuff. And we got into it a little bit. We ended up liking each other, but it turned into me screaming that he should be deported and kicked out of Los Angeles and thrown in a cage. And I'm like, it was fun for everybody, but I wake up the next day and I go,

I'm yelling at a child. It's a little bit more black in my heart. Yeah. It just drives me nuts. It's not what I remember at all. Nothing feels right, ever. I don't wanna see you grow up and be mature, though I kinda wanna, but I also don't wanna see you

die of cancer in a hospital bed. I'll get over it, I'll get back to it. Yeah, he'll be fine. I don't wanna see you give yourself mesothelioma from screaming at a TV. We're all gonna die of cancer on the exact same day, all for different reasons. That would be crazy.

It would have to be something in this room, if that was true. No, it's just for no It's all three different things. We've done to ourselves that have given us cancer at the exact same time. Yeah, maybe you're right Yeah, yours is blue light poisoning from porn. Yeah, mine's McDonald's I gave myself cancer on my dick from jacking off too much. It fucked my cells up The sheer friction of it. Yeah, it's like I was cancerous growth. Yeah, I turned my dick into the elephant's foot at Chernobyl It's got like big lumpy masses on it. It caused cancerous growth. Yeah, I turned my dick into the elephant's foot at Chernobyl. It's got big lumpy masses on it.

Yeah. Your penis is growing a toenail. Yeah, it's like the hadron. You have to clean and clip. It's like the hadron collider. It's like electrons moving so fast that it's just ripping cells apart. Scientists are studying you beating off. They're putting my dick in a chamber and they're shooting protons at it, at the speed of light. Anyway, that's been the show everybody,

but yeah, go check out the, to see live tickets and stuff and see where we're coming, cause we are gonna, in September too, we're gonna come to Dallas and I think Denver, and I think Arizona, I think Denver and I think Arizona I think and Then people go they go you coming to the Great Lakes Like I don't know you should come to you should come to the greater Yukon territories. That's where I live

Okay, you should come you should come to my bedroom Yeah, I actually I live in a big cave in the north tip of Canada. We might come to Cleveland though Because we just we love Cleveland Cleveland kicks ass. Actually, we want to see the I've heard that's I heard it sucks No, you can go see the house where they made a Christmas story. Mm-hmm Rock and roll Hall of Fame, right's about it yeah yeah I had a good sandwich there but I can't remember the name of the place so you can go see the I'll never remember it you go see the glove that Michael Jackson showed up the kids ass at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame you go to Cleveland you can see

women escaping a guy's basement hell and captivity in for decades I just want to go I'm a big fan of The Cleveland Show, actually, so I kind of want to see. I want to see what inspired, you know, my favorite TV show. The Cleveland Show. The Cleveland Show, which is my favorite TV show. Which you mistakenly think is based in Cleveland, Ohio.

I think it's about Cleveland, Ohio, the city. And you get really, you get confused, you're're like my favorite character on the Cleveland show is Mimi You've come you've combined the true care show the Cleveland show in the city of Cleveland In the one thing in your brain, and I think LeBron still plays for the Cavs mm-hmm. Yeah Patriot comm slash We had you ads now bye everybody bye bye Mm-hmm. Yeah Patron.com slash We had you ads now bye everybody bye bye Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina Music would play and Folina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Folina Wicked and evil while casting a spell My love was deep for this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell

One night a while young cowboy came in Wild as the West Texas wind