lemonparty - 130: Five Below

Starting point is 00:00:00 Man, we had a couple good riffs Girl, I had the best of reasons. Man, we had a couple good riffs going, but we weren't recording yet. It's unfortunate. Yeah, we probably had some of the best riffs we've ever done. Is it too bright? It's always really bright on me.

Starting point is 00:00:34 Well, you can turn it down on the back. I don't look like a YN anymore. It's bothering me. Fiddle with it. How do I fiddle with this damn thing? Which one? Can you get Devon a light skin filter for the light? Is it lower? Is it lower?

Starting point is 00:00:45 Did it lower? That's lower, yeah. You don't have eyes? I don't know, I'm behind it. Hey, did someone turn the lights off? Well, you're the whitest man alive. You probably fucking, Connie, you probably sucked your dick.

Starting point is 00:00:57 Oh, wait a second, is Connie gay now? I don't know what's happening, but I think it's the coolest thing ever he could've done. What did he do? I didn't even see it. So he admitted, so he released a song today called cousins Okay, and he said it's about how him and his cousin he promised him he wouldn't watch any more dirty Look go through dirty magazines with him anymore, and then he admits well you're ignoring

Starting point is 00:01:17 He's a suck his major weird elements used to suck his cousin of the admission He goes what he goes me and my cousin used to, we used to steal my daddy's. Why do you make him sound like that? Cause that's Kanye. That's not Kanye. Hey man, it's Kanye West. I used to steal Kanye. Yeah, Kanye sounds like Buddy Guy.

Starting point is 00:01:35 He was a part of the great vampire massacre. Kanye's like, I was playing blue with the vampire. It was me and Michael B. Jordan, and we both fucked that Hailey Steinfeld girl. So Kanye said that him and his cousin, they used to steal his dad's fucking porno mags, and that Kanye feels really guilty because he got him influenced into sex and stuff,

Starting point is 00:01:58 and then he basically makes it seem like that because they used to look at porn together, that his cousin then went on to kill a pregnant woman and serve life in prison, and he feels really guilty about that. You know what's funny? I forgot about that admission. Me too.

Starting point is 00:02:12 I just remember that he sucks his cousin's dick. It's a bigger deal that he said at the end. He goes, anyway, when I was 14, I used to suck my cousin's dick. See, I forgot the whole first part of that admission. Completely. You know what? That his cousin was George Floyd.

Starting point is 00:02:25 That relates to white people more than being a Nazi. Is sleepover style sucking your cousin's dick, watching like Cinemax. That's like, I think he might've got, I think he somehow 4D chest his way out of being a Nazi with this. Yeah, he gay sucked his way out of. I think it's the best thing he could've said.

Starting point is 00:02:48 It's so relatable. It's so relatable to white boys across America at the guy that you had a friend jacking off under his sleeping bag. That was the thing I figured out growing up, everybody got fucked by everybody. Everyone is hiding the fact that their friend, like Trevor, jacked them off in fifth grade.

Starting point is 00:03:08 Yeah. Something like that. I had no idea everybody was getting molested by their friends growing up. We used to jack off, not around, kind of around each other. Uh-huh, in the same room? Yeah, kind of same room.

Starting point is 00:03:18 I could tell. I could tell people were doing it and I was probably pulling on my shit too. Did you guys throw blankets over? We were watching the Carmen Electra pool table scene off LimeWire, took hours to seed. This was life. You're blowing electricity in the neighborhood.

Starting point is 00:03:35 You go to your friend's house whose dad is stealing cable and he has all the channels and you're fucking watching Naughty America or something. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's just, it's a much greater dog whistle to white America to say that you were sucking off your cousin than it is to say you're a Nazi, in my opinion. So being, do you think being a gay guy

Starting point is 00:03:55 is a gateway to being a Nazi? I think he's saying it's a way out. Well, I think he's using it as a way out, but yeah, either one. It's a revolving door. Right. You can go in or out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:08 Your choice. Being a gay guy is like marijuana. And like to marijuana is to like heroin. Yeah, it's to heroin for like being a Nazi, right? Yeah. Basically, if you start sucking off your cousin, eventually, you're going down a dark road, basically. He did suck off a black guy, so maybe that's why he hates black people now,

Starting point is 00:04:32 is because he was thinking about his cousin's black dick in his face. Oh, so it's all self-hatred. So he hates himself so much, he's telling the truth everywhere. Yeah, he's naming the album Cuck. He put the song out today, it's a banger, by the way. Really? I like it. We can listen to it.

Starting point is 00:04:48 Put it on. Yeah, we're not on anything. The chorus is like, when I was 14 I sucked my cousin's dick. When I was 14. Are you serious? He's saying it. He's pretty much saying it.

Starting point is 00:04:58 Is it on YouTube? Is it like that song? No, it's on his Twitter. Go to his Twitter. It's just on Twitter? I believe so. Is it like that song when he had his daughter? That might be it. Four hours ago. Nah, I don't trust Twitter go to his Twitter. It's just on Twitter I believe so is like that song when he had his daughter that might be it four hours ago

Starting point is 00:05:05 No, I don't trust these people YouTube anymore. It's all clickbait shit Trying to catch a whine trying to catch a whine slimming It's clickbait these days unfortunately Go to yay. This is my favorite tweet of his in a long time. I was zoom in on his wife said to go down That's it. That's my favorite tweet of his in a long time. I would zoom in on his wife's tits. Keep going down? That's it, that's the song. Okay. This puts together some schizophrenic videos.

Starting point is 00:05:28 This song is called Cousins About My Cousin That's Locked In Jail For Life For Killing A Pregnant Lady. I told him we wouldn't look at dirty magazines anymore. Perhaps myself, Sir Massifella, it was his fault I showed him those dirty magazines in the six and he acted out what he saw. Yeah, my name is Ye and I sucked my cousin's dick till I was 14.

Starting point is 00:05:45 Not when, till. Till, until. Damn. Wait, pause real quick. Yeah. I wanna know what was in these porno magazines that he feels influenced his cousin to kill a pregnant woman.

Starting point is 00:06:00 Like, what was the theme of the porn? What were they doing in Jet Magazine in the 70s? What was going on? Wait, what if you pull up like a 1970 Jet Magazine, it's a guy cutting a white woman's head off. It's like a militant black guy killing a white woman. It's like a black guy cutting a pregnant woman's belly open, pulling the baby out so there's more room for his cock.

Starting point is 00:06:23 a pregnant woman's belly open, pulling the baby out so there's more room for his cock. Why would you kill a pregnant woman, by the way? I don't know, can't, yay. You just double homicide. Yay, makes it seem as if, it's vital information. It's two for one. Something about the porn they were watching had to influence his cousin to kill a pregnant woman.

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Starting point is 00:07:50 All right, well, so this is his big hit about sucking his cousin's dick. Big hit! Called Cousins. Called Cousins, yeah. Now, is this on the radio? Not yet, not yet. Okay, here we go. ["Hangin' With My Cousin"]

Starting point is 00:08:23 Dude, hell yeah. Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head Get my cousin head, get my cousin head I thought I was gay? I thought I was gay. I don't think they understand that I'm not attracted to a man. They thought I was gay.

Starting point is 00:09:08 Night trends don't hurt me. He's a falling man. Yeah. It's like it's in the opening of Batman. I'm not talking about a man. Told her don't leave me, because I need you by my side. As long as you don't leave me, I'll probably be. Hold on, this is from a Dave Blunt song that we've already heard.

Starting point is 00:09:23 It might have been, yeah. No, this is Dave Blunt. It's a Dave Blunt song. It's from a Dave Blunt song, so it's like a mashup. So Dave Blunt collaborated on the song. Well, Kanye heard a Dave Blunt song, was inspired to write about him sucking on the child. Dave Blunt's, yeah. Yeah, your Dave Blunt's, you're like,

Starting point is 00:09:35 wow, I'm finally gonna get sampled by Kanye, and it's the I sucked my cousin when I was nine. He's going along with it all. Dave Blunt's is just happy for the shout out and friendship at this point. Yeah, he's just happy he the shout-out. Yeah, he's just happy at this point Yeah, he's just happy he's alive right now. Yeah, Dave Blunt says like if I could see my dad Kanye would suck it I Mean that guy can you say no to anything? He can't move

Starting point is 00:09:56 No, yeah, I think it away from he treats decisions like food. He says yes to it all yes and Yeah, those managers are feeding him like Elvis at the end. All right, let's, I gotta finish this song. It's only a two minute. It's gonna be all right. In that one time that you left me, I didn't get no sleep that night.

Starting point is 00:10:13 In that one time that you left me, I took 10 bursts to get high. 10 bursts to get high. Pray that I don't die. But if I die, you and this guy, two bites and a quake, quake Don't leave, just stay, babe Let's go on a vacation

Starting point is 00:10:30 Leave the world behind The world behind They brought me back Nitrous don't help me, it just put me in a jam I'm talking about euphoria, and I'm talking about men Told her eyes and I'm talking about them Told her don't leave me cause I need you by my side As long as you don't leave me then I'll probably be alright Then I'll probably be alright

Starting point is 00:10:56 It took Tim Burst to get high Tim Burst to get high And I'm not sure. He stole his laptop just so he could see his dick again. I'm not sure. I woke up today, this happened, you guys came over, but I was doing some extensive research on that. I can't figure it out if it's the same cousin that stole his laptop that he was fucking bitches on. I'm not sure yet, but I think it's an unbelievable chess move by Kanye.

Starting point is 00:11:23 People are gonna be more upset about me being a 12 year old faggot than loving Nazis. All hail the new king. This is wonderful. This is really crazy right now. So down comes Kanye. He admitted to sucking his cousin Dick.

Starting point is 00:11:40 Joe Rogan is now, unfortunately he's woke. The country is burning around us it says rubble everywhere. Who is rising from the ashes but the great Mar. Milo, Milo you're not, oh Bill Mar. Mar. Mar, Bill comes out on top once again. Mar's untouchable. He's killing it.

Starting point is 00:11:56 Mar's the Highlander. Because Mar doesn't, he's not beholden to anyone but his own ego. That's right. So he doesn't. He works for a company of one. He's with a company of Marr. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:08 And he does whatever the fuck he wants, when he wants. That's why he makes the new rules. It's a one man nation. He's riding the constitution. Yeah! We watched, Devin that finally showed us Marr, I never actually watched an episode and it is, I was a convert.

Starting point is 00:12:24 He's the only guy I've seen who's like, I'm like, wow, he's being like reborn by saying the exact same. You know what I mean? He's unchanging. He's like a shining cocksucker on a hill, you know? Because we were watching, and it was a great segment, he was doing like some retarded thing and then one of the guests who wasn't Piers Morgan was just- Steve Bannon? No, not Steve Bannon, the other guy, the weird little nebbish guy.

Starting point is 00:12:49 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like Josh Rogaine or whatever. Something like that, yeah. He was just like, he's like, Bill, you know, I'm a big fan of the program, I'm a big fan of you, I just thank you, you're a little one. And Mark goes, all right, you don't have to suck me off, all right?

Starting point is 00:13:02 Yeah. Like he got real in his fucking face. He goes, he goes, we've never met, we're not friends, bro. And I go, Mar, you're killing it. A 70 year old man going, we're not friends, bro, at his political round table TV show. I look at Mar, he thinks he's best friends with Donald Trump now, because he's a narcissist,

Starting point is 00:13:21 he's very easy to flatter. You just go, what do you think about that? And he goes, wow, the president is smart. He wants you to listen to me, and obviously I'm a genius. Even though I'm just a fucking comic. Bill Maher's like, if somebody was lying to me, to manipulate me, I would know, because I'm the smartest man who's ever lived.

Starting point is 00:13:38 Exactly, exactly. And he's interviewing Steve Bannon, and he smugly hands him a constitution. He hands him the Bill of Rights. He hands him the Bill of Rights. He hands him the Bill of Rights, he goes, you might wanna take a look at this. And the crowd goes fucking crazy. Goes crazy.

Starting point is 00:13:50 So he's doing a really crazy thing right now. I don't know if people have been paying attention. Devin is on the front lines of this right now. You're like our Joker reporter. Yeah, you're a man on the streets. It's amazing the work you're doing right now. I watch every Friday. I was happy to have finally showed you guys the way.

Starting point is 00:14:05 Devin is this great Peregrine Falcon flying over the field of politics, and he has an eye on everybody, and he sees everything coming. Charlie Kirk has now been appearing on real time, unbeknownst to everybody. Ben, please, please, you're running a show here, you don't wanna look stupid. It was on Club Random, but Charlie Kress.

Starting point is 00:14:25 It was not on Realtime. And by the way, I'm a little offended Jace had no clue what even new rules were. I was. I was a little ashamed, because I was confused about the new rules. I thought he did it on my part. Jace thought apparently the whole show,

Starting point is 00:14:37 Mar just goes, new rule? No, no, no, Jace, it's formatted for the end. I legitimately thought it was something he does where he's like, talk to the hand, cause the face ain't listening. He goes, new rule, fuck you. I thought that's what he did the whole show. No, it's a whole segment, but also you saw bad new rules

Starting point is 00:14:53 because he had to explain that he went and saw Trump, so they didn't have as much time for new rules. They shortened the new rules last week. They shortened the new rules, yeah. Anyway, I digress. Again. And Devin was trying to be the whole time, because it's normally much better than this.

Starting point is 00:15:06 Don't judge it off this one alone. I'm sorry, I'm remembering now, it was Club Random that Kirk appeared on. It was Club Random that Kirk was on and they're talking about Christ and stuff. They're talking about Jesus Christ. The resurrection or whatever. Did Mars.

Starting point is 00:15:18 And Mars doing the whole like, you really believe in that. I mean, you're such an intellectual guy. It's like. You're a really smart guy. He tries to flatter people he has no respect for and then he doesn't know when Trump's doing it to him. You guys are the same guy and he just, he can't.

Starting point is 00:15:32 They are. He just falls in love with Trump at the White House and he thinks he's a brilliant. That was a very retarded segment. He was surprised that he didn't walk into the White House and Trump goes, fuck you, kill yourself. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like the funeral of Jimmy Carter, Trump is sitting there

Starting point is 00:15:50 and he has called like, Barack Obama, like he said he's like an African. He called him a sea monkey, I think. He's making up new slurs. Like he said horrible things about like everybody. The Bush family. He was shaking Michelle's hand. He's sitting amongst them. And it's, you know, Bill Maher, I guess, doesn't realize that he is

Starting point is 00:16:08 not, you're just another guy. You're another pawn. You're another person to be used by him. Yeah. He has no idea. He might be a politician at the end of the day. Yeah. Yeah. So funny. Yeah. No, he's shaking Michelle's hand, checking for a a dick but shaking her hand nonetheless. Bill Maher is officially MAGA Yeah, he's MAGA. Yeah We lost one welcome aboard bill. Well, you lost more. I lost welcome aboard bill. We love to have you over here He's still a guy that acts like he's a centrist. It's very funny. It's very funny that he's like I'm in the he starts the show He's like by the way, if you're mad that I went to have dinner with Donald Trump,

Starting point is 00:16:49 I'm a fucking comedian. What am I gonna do to change policy and blah, blah, blah? And it's one of those things where it's, I'm not gonna go, I'm not talking to them, they're at the different lunch table, okay? So we're not gonna do that anymore, okay? And then here comes the thing, Woo guy. And then the woo guy that was hot.

Starting point is 00:17:08 Woo guy. Woo guy was through the roof. I think Woo guy listens to this show. Yeah. He's trying to they put the Woo guy on oxygen last week. He was like out of breath. Obsessed. It was like he's playing the jazz and like a sea level paramedics ready. You guys like shoot me up with adrenaline,

Starting point is 00:17:26 I gotta woo, I gotta stay in. No, he's doing that classic comic thing where he's like, and by the way, if you wanna criticize me over anything that's fair, I say fuck you beforehand so you can't now. Nana Nana Boo Boo force field stops your criticism. I'm the most defensive, sensitive person of all time. Who doesn't give a fuck about what you think?

Starting point is 00:17:47 I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. If you criticize me, you are wrong, and you will get raped to death in the streets. Forcefield can't touch me, no touchbacks. By the way, that's totally me, by the way. That's totally me. Yeah, because you're comment. I look at Matt, I go,

Starting point is 00:18:03 why the fuck did that guy block me on X? And then I'm like, oh yeah, I've been tweeting that threat all day. Yeah, you tweeted Chicken Jockey with the N-word on it, Adam. From a distance, it looks like I'm like an anti-Semite, I guess, on some level. From the distance. You can't see the forest for the trees, I guess.

Starting point is 00:18:20 From the distance, very up close. Medium range. Yeah. From the distance, very up close, medium range. Yeah, um, uh, speaking of which, by the way. Yeah, what's up? Speaking of great men dying and being reborn again, the Pope Francis has it out. He's officially left us and he is resting in the bosom of Jesus. What a fucking, what a showbiz pope he was to die on Easter. We get it, we get it pal, we get it. You're special.

Starting point is 00:18:52 You're really special. You think you're stealing Christ's shine right now? Yeah, it's a bit much. You die on Easter, you couldn't hold it off. Devin's conspiracy, the Pope shot himself on the night of Easter. He blew his brains. He was wearing, he put the hat on and He blew his brains out. He was wearing, he put the hat on

Starting point is 00:19:06 and then blew his hat off. I bet it wasn't that, but I bet he was on his deathbed and he was like holding his breath. He was like trying to get it in under the wire. Under the wire, yeah, exactly. I actually listened to a 60 minutes interview with the Pope from May of last year. Okay.

Starting point is 00:19:21 That they put out on YouTube this morning and I was quite compelled. Wasn't he like the cool pope to people? Yeah, he was the- So I didn't realize that he was like a compassionate, great- He was the lib pope. I was a lib pope. The lib pope.

Starting point is 00:19:37 So he's from Argentina, but his family- Nazi. He was a Nazi. Yeah, but his family was from Italy. They fled a fascist country in 1938. So yeah, they were probably Nazis that left Italy to go to Argentina, and then he came back to spread some sort of great Nazi,

Starting point is 00:19:55 he's probably trying to bring back the Fourth Reich, actually, Devin, you're probably right. I mean, God knows, I don't know. He actually is probably Hitler. Yeah. Hitler fled to Argentina, right, supposedly? Or Brazil or something? I heard the other day.

Starting point is 00:20:07 Hitler went to Brazil to get a Brazilian butt lift. Hitler died in the 80s. The 80s? Yeah. I actually think, they, somebody said this somewhere and I don't remember who they are, but I'm gonna rub it, but like, when they went and they did the skull,

Starting point is 00:20:22 when they checked on whose skull it was, that like, who shot himself when Hitler killed himself, it was a woman's skull. So Hitler, I think. I think Hitler was trans. Because we had a lot of, we moved people, Werner von Braun, all these people, you know, we loved the smart Nazis.

Starting point is 00:20:40 Right. Which was all of them. Yeah. Unfortunately, every single Nazi. Yeah, Which was all of them. Yeah. Unfortunate. All of them. So unfortunately every single Nazi. Yeah, they were all top of their class. Man, these Nazis are just, maybe they were right about something, these are some smart Nazis.

Starting point is 00:20:53 Top of their class at Chamber U. Yeah. I would love, if Operation Paperclip, like if it was declassified, it was mostly Nazis coming over and they're like, what if we put a bunch of Jewish people in the rocket, what if we used Jews as fuel? And the head's like, all right, I'm putting a ban on the Jew ideas, you gotta knock it off.

Starting point is 00:21:13 Yeah. No, but I actually, I think I do believe Hitler probably died in the 80s in another country. You're probably right. Sippin' on my thighs. Got really into disco in his final years. I don't believe that you know, you know Patrice famously said it He goes what story where we get bin Laden ends with us putting him in a canoe and pushing him putting him

Starting point is 00:21:34 into the ocean flushing him down a toilet Yeah, flushing that flushing him down a toilet. Yeah, what it doesn't really end with Hitler killing himself at a bunker I mean, this is a guy He was a sensitive painter. He was a general. That whole story just allows for, you know, legendary cucks like Bill Burr to, you know, to talk shit about him.

Starting point is 00:21:57 One of the greatest comedic cowards of all time, Bill Burr. Huge coward, never fucking had a take on anything that all of us wouldn't already have had or had the balls to say. It's funny, because to the Pat and Oswald, Chuck Windig, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Blue Sky crowd, Bill Burr's a Republican because he's really loud. And he has opinions.

Starting point is 00:22:18 So they just say like, to them, that's right wing comedy. And then to- There are men who have turned themselves into cats. They get scared and run away. Yeah, and Twitter that's like right-wing comedy and their turn themselves into cats they get scared and run away Yeah, and Twitter like acts now is like they act like little bars Harvey milk all the sudden like he's getting he's getting pissed on On the streets of San Francisco. He's like eating his wife shit. Yeah out of a cereal bowl Just what he's just marching for black people every day. Yeah, he's having sex with a monkey, right? It's it's crazy what a, this is what they say on X by the way.

Starting point is 00:22:48 People don't have any decorum on X. They log in and they go, who's married to a monkey? Let me expose whites to a race mixing. That's the new program. It is crazy that Remember the Titans came out in the early 2000s and it taught us nothing. It was woke bullshit though. It was woke.

Starting point is 00:23:12 It was leftist bullshit. It was about a football team. The way the people on X-Act, you're supposed to, if you give a black person a glass of water, you're supposed to throw the glass out, apparently. And let's burn it. Let's get into it. Like we have to get to the bottom

Starting point is 00:23:28 of this Austin Metcalf thing. And I think this- Oh, I love Austin Metcalf's dad. We've been watching the Barbershop trilogy together and trying to hang out with Carmelo's family. His dad's way too into black people, unfortunately. There's like video surfacing of him like playing dice on a stoop.

Starting point is 00:23:44 Like this doesn't look good. He's talking about like, that honky is sucked anyway. He's going to press conferences. Unfortunately, there's like video surfacing of him like playing dice on a stoop He's going to press conferences like I got cools for everyone let me hand out some cool This is why you have twins you lose one. Yeah keeps Yeah, yeah, he was a twin. Yeah, he hated honky number one He said die Let me shake mr. Carmelo's hand. Mr. Carmelo, thank you Carmelo. Thank you for killing that white devil. Can you introduce me to Lebron and Dough Wayne?

Starting point is 00:24:17 He seems like the white guy who hates crackers. At first I was like, oh he has compassion and everything, which is such a beautiful thing. But now I'm like, oh this guy. It's a everything which is such a beautiful thing, you know? But now I'm like, oh, this guy like, he's like a fetishized thing. He's at press conferences going like, they invented spinning in the Bronx in 1971. You're like, where did you get, how did you get here?

Starting point is 00:24:37 Your boy died. Your guy died. Stop telling us about the history of rap. Unless he's trying to get out of a head of a thing where we find out like Austin was like, he's like, look, you can't be chipping under this tent. You gotta the history of rap. Unless he's trying to get out of ahead of a thing where we find out like Austin was like, he's like, look, you can't be chipping under this tent. You gotta get out of here. Before you got stabbed, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:51 Yeah, I keep wondering what the, I mean. What did he say to Carmelo? What did he say, which doesn't make any of it okay, what Carmelo did. Yeah, but what did he say? But what did he say? What did he say? What did Austin say?

Starting point is 00:25:04 The last thing he said is, hey, that's my wallet wallet and then a knife came right through his heart. Yeah, he said hey man That's my microwave. That's my that's my TV. Yeah He goes worse you and I didn't I see you in Katrina Carmel is like I'm 16 years old No, I I had a sniper rifle on you and Katrina. I was on top of the fucking Superdome. No, it's looking bad. For the dad or for white people?

Starting point is 00:25:35 For Carmele. Oh, okay. And I think they're all, because it's not a great sign for race relations in this country when black guy stabs a white kid in the heart and then his family immediately starts living in an Escalade that they just bought. I think they're...

Starting point is 00:25:51 Pretty sure they're living in like an above ground submarine Escalade. I think they bought the nicest Escalade on earth. Yeah, they moved in next to the BLM lady next to one of her mansions. And they moved into a mansion. And the... They have like Pac-Man machines. Oh, and the whole family...

Starting point is 00:26:05 Pizza parties every night. And then Austin Metcalf's dad is like, you guys wanna see Sinners this Friday? I got you guys tickets. Sorry once again about my white son. The whole family is constantly dressed like they're going to like a baby shower or a bachelor party.

Starting point is 00:26:17 Like they're all wearing, they just kinda keep wearing like bow ties and like really... It's Easter every day. Cheese suits. Yeah. Yeah. They look like a Tyler Perry movie.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Madia goes to the aorta. This is so fucked up. I can't make sense of any of it. I don't know, it feels like a Psy-Up. Your kid got stabbed by this kid. It feels fake. But this kid's getting like new shoes and like he's going to the mall

Starting point is 00:26:45 and he's like jumping on a trampoline. It does feel fake. And then every day online you see like Austin Metcalf's dad is like asking Carmela to go to like a Playboy Cardi concert with him and like can we hang, can I help you in the dunk contest this year? You can jump over me.

Starting point is 00:26:59 Can I blindside you, please? It wouldn't be okay if I blindside you. Can you be my retarded black son that I steal money from, please? It does feel fake because you can't see the CIA being like, what if we got a black guy named Carmel Anthony to stab a white guy? A beautiful white boy named Austin Metcalf.

Starting point is 00:27:16 I'm surprised his name isn't Austin Reeves. It's all very, very weird. And just the way the dad's acting is, at first I was like, oh yeah, he just doesn't want it to be a race. But now you can't keep showing up to the cookout. He's like, can I come? He's wearing like slides.

Starting point is 00:27:34 Big white tubes. Showing up with a fade. He's got wireless headphones on. Like all crooked. Playing Gary Owen stand up CDs in his car. He's like, man, church does start late. That would rule if Austin Metcalfe's dad went down to the Laugh Factory, leaning against the stool like Chapelle,

Starting point is 00:27:53 like an Ashen of Cigarette. Yeah, he's performing. Yeah, yeah, he's doing stand-up, like Chapelle. And he's like, you know that catfish place, ain't open till 12 on the dot. He doesn't even know about black people just making shit up. He's gonna, you know that catfish place ain't open till 12 on the dot. He doesn't even know about black people just making shit up. He's gonna do the first,

Starting point is 00:28:09 he'll do a Chappelle style special at the Laugh Factory where he's talking about how his son was a dirty white devil that needed to die. That needed to die, then he's like, anyway Atlanta, gay as hell. Atlanta, what's up? What's up Atlanta? This the new San Francisco, last Atlanta? This is New San Francisco. Last time, yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:25 Shit, all these DTYS. Shit. I looked down, somebody stole my ass. They left the wallet. They left the wallet, stole my motherfucking ass. The booty snatch is in town, y'all. Mr. Batcatfist, he seems like the type that is doing blind Craigslist hookups, taking poppers, having black men coming in two at a time,

Starting point is 00:28:56 and he's blindfolded, and he tells them that there's a key under the mat of a certain room, and they come in, and he's just turned around with a blindfold on, and they just have their way with him. And he just smells the... He does seem like that. He smells the spices and the butter. Yeah, he smells the cocoa butter from the distance

Starting point is 00:29:15 and he knows. That is a thing, by the way. He's got a no knock rule in his house. Having sex with black guys. Oh, people do that? Yeah, they have sex with black people. Bill Burr, others. Sure. Yeah. what I was just describing is how Bilber fucks it gets fucked by his wife Oh, right he blindfolds himself, and she comes home after his gig of course and

Starting point is 00:29:35 Bilber's built up no equity with us well of course Here's the thing he's never shared the show or talked about us once And we will be spreading rumors about him until he retweets us. Mm-hmm Until we get to go on Paul Verze's podcast we will continue to spread this about bill burr It's unfortunate cuz you know, there are vicious rumors about him. Mm-hmm that They're just terrible terrible rumors about bill burr. I don't even want to spread them, actually. I will. Sure.

Starting point is 00:30:08 If, you know, by 5 p.m. next Tuesday, you haven't shared the Lemon Party podcast. If we aren't on the- Imagine Mr. Bill Burr. We're extorting big podcasters to try to get it. If we're not on the Monday morning podcast come Monday morning, your ass is grass, Bill Burr. I do wish I could go back in time and tell him

Starting point is 00:30:29 not to take that picture with his wife at the comedy store that everybody shares. I've seen all of them shared. But why don't people believe in love? Like he just loves her. So why, it's like you don't have to fuck her. Why do you give a shit? Are you fucking her?

Starting point is 00:30:44 You're not fucking her. Why do you care? He loves her. He's growing to fuck her. Why do you give a shit? Are you fucking her? You're not fucking her. Why do you care? He loves her. He's growing old with her. She's had kids. Women start to look unfortunate unless they have work done. Here's the thing, even if she was a super hot black chick,

Starting point is 00:30:57 they'd still be upset with it. And she's not. And she hates Trump. And she hates Trump. I don't know. What do people want? It's like, but like it is It's strong. It's strong. I don't know What do people want? It's like it but but like it is just you don't do that. It's just insane You just don't you're upset cuz we do what you don't post pictures of her fuck of a guy's wife Yeah, and act like that's an indictment of his character. It's insane. It isn't insane. It's insane

Starting point is 00:31:23 Yeah, guys wife who had like three like in the last four years. Yeah You go look at these ankles fuck her and fuck him. You know he wants these Whatever if you didn't look into it you would you go. Oh, there's this comedian with red hair He's like he's married to like a gorilla or something. that's weird. You are really getting away with a lot of bestiality. You are loving the- I'm vlogging and that's what it says. You keep using it. That's what they say.

Starting point is 00:31:50 You keep using they to say yours. No, that's not me. This is what I see. It's like the fourth fucking primate thing. You are kind of going, you're like- I will say Anthony Camino's in town and it's a little bit of a. He's haunting you?

Starting point is 00:32:06 He's possessing me right now. I don't even think he says shit like that. He's in Tor, are you kidding me? I've never seen him publicly say a. The guy who charges the cockpit like he's in Al Qaeda to make sure the pilot's white. He's simply trying to. He charges with a knife.

Starting point is 00:32:19 He's trying to keep the plane in the air. He's trying to keep these. These propellers from flying off the plane in the air. He's trying to keep these propellers from flying off the plane. Because we all know when black people fly aircraft, propellers fly off of it. Yeah, because they're trying to give themselves a haircut with the propeller. I love it.

Starting point is 00:32:41 I do love that according to Twitter, when black people fly planes, it turns into like Steamboat Willie like just gas and like fucking screws are flying everywhere Yeah, the helicopter that crashed in and to the Potomac yeah in Manhattan outside Manhattan no DC no DC Oh, you're the other helicopter that crashed that was a tour of Manhattan. Oh, yeah What are you talking about? That was a tour of Manhattan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was talking about.

Starting point is 00:33:03 What are you talking about? No, there's a helicopter that crashed in the Hudson. In the Hudson. When? Like two weeks ago. Two weeks ago? Was it DEI? It was a Blackpilot, unfortunately.

Starting point is 00:33:11 It was a Blackpilot. All right, it's not looking good. But the plane, but the helicopter was... The rotor flew off of the helicopter. Faulty. Yeah. It wasn't really his fault, I don't think. But then I did see people,

Starting point is 00:33:22 I did see people called like Le Pepepe racist Hitler, 1488 posting like, well when you do this type of maneuver, the blade flies off the helicopter. Yeah, he was going through the legs under the chopper. He was doing show time? Yeah, show time. Dude, no look.

Starting point is 00:33:37 He was dodging clouds. I was, but I was, this is all coming back to, I think Mr. Metcalf Mr. Metcalf Austin well Austin's dad mr. Austin's dad. Oh, sorry mr. Metcalf. Yeah, what's his name by the way? I don't know he changed he changed it to LeBron I'm not sure of his name But we just watched barbershop the next cut yes together, and he loved it He told you put the deleted scenes on he go damn, but Nicky Monash. Thank you But we just watched Barbershop the next cut. Yes. And he loved it. He loved it.

Starting point is 00:34:05 He told you to put the deleted scenes on. He go, damn, Nicki Minaj, take us out. Boy, she catch me trippin'. Shit. Austin Metcalf's dad is smoking blunts laced in lean. Austin Metcalf's dad kept talking to me about how the bitches in this neighborhood are stupid thick. I did, so I found a Facebook post from Mr. Metcalf.

Starting point is 00:34:27 Okay. Yeah. And he was wishing everybody a happy Kwanzaa like a few years ago. Are you serious? Is that real? That's what I saw. I mean of course it could just be Photoshopped

Starting point is 00:34:37 by an incredibly racist skinny guy. Is this a fucking, is this a, an actor? I'm pretty sure Kwanzaa's like a made up thing, right? I'm starting to think. Yeah, black people make up a thing. But I've heard it's fake. Yeah, it's not real.

Starting point is 00:34:53 So, it's not real, and you gotta stop celebrating it. I looked into it for like five minutes, I'm like, this is really retarded actually, and it's not real. It was like creating like 1993 or some shit, right? Unlike Christmas, which is very real Which is very real and so is Santa and he's white Santa is a white man by the way Santa

Starting point is 00:35:14 Not to red-pill you on Santa. Mm-hmm Santa was a skinny guy Originally, that's why he went started dating a black guy Made him real. Yeah turned into a trans, started taking tea, grew a beard, started molesting kids. You know Santa's a white guy because otherwise that sleigh would just crash out of the sky. According to Twitter, according to Twitter.

Starting point is 00:35:39 There's 12 pit bulls guiding him through there. And the reindeer are all Wu-Tang clan members. And he goes to every house stealing the presents. the instead of a Coca-Cola. Santa was a skinny guy in folklore. And I believe it, I don't think it's Germanic, is it? I think it's Nordic. I think it's a lot of cultures, St. Nicholas. Yeah, but it's gotta come from one place. It's not like the UN made up Santa or something. Yeah, it's probably like Gaelic or some shit like that.

Starting point is 00:36:25 Yeah, I can't remember what it was, but obviously he was a skinny guy because he came down the chimney and stuff. He had a black helper too, did you know that, Black Peter? That's a real thing, I'm not making that up. And so if you go to apparently, if you go to like Holland I think, on Christmas all the people are doing blackface

Starting point is 00:36:41 to dress up like Black Peter. Oh yeah. And Black Peter was like the person who like, I think like gave coal to the naughty kids. I'm dead serious. I think I know, yeah, this is a scene in Collateral, I believe, where Javier Bardem says something about Black Pedro or whatever, Black Peter.

Starting point is 00:37:00 Coca-Cola had a big commercial in the, I believe the 50s or the 60s where Santa was a big fat jolly guy. And so the advertising there completely revolutionized the idea of Santa Claus. It's a completely corporate holiday really. Is RFK mad about that too? It's like Santa used to have a six pack and he fucked.

Starting point is 00:37:24 They made him a fat flop. Fucking autism. He got fat. Kids with autism are fucking losers. They'll never do fucking anything. They'll never play baseball. They'll never eat their own shit. They'll never fuck him right up here.

Starting point is 00:37:40 He was acting like, he was acting on Twitter like autism is a terminal illness or something. He's like, if your kid has autism, take him out into the woods and shoot him right now. I think we need autism, right? Without autism, we wouldn't have our phones and cool apps and stuff. Yeah, I believe so. That's what they say.

Starting point is 00:37:56 Also, there's a ton of high-functioning autistic people, I believe. So, I don't know. What happened? What did he do? I don't know. I mean, David Burt made good music. He had a big press happened. What did he do? I don't know. I mean David Thank God

Starting point is 00:38:11 Ultimate autistic He had a press conference where he was like near tears. He's like these Never play the piano. They'll never play baseball and oh shit like he's talking about like the autistic people who are like nonverbal Right not people in tic-tac who say they have autism I'm talking about like the autistic people who are like non-verbal. Like not people on TikTok who say they have autism. People are like, you know, my daughter was two and a half years old and all of a sudden they stopped talking. They stopped doing this, doing that.

Starting point is 00:38:32 They completely regressed. They never spoke again. And then I have to take care of them the rest of their life, that type of thing. But you know, there's degrees to autism, obviously. Like there's some people with Down syndrome are really like kind of gross And they smell bad then then there's some people with Down syndrome are really hot Yeah, I have great and they're on a huge rack. Yeah, they're on Instagram reels

Starting point is 00:38:56 They exist to be on Instagram reels where we make comments about how they fuck them They were created by the algorithm. Yeah, mm-hmm Literally to be on Instagram for black guys to comment like damn if she down on down She legitimately Yeah, he's probably so he's probably right but he was acting like yeah, he was acting like it was cancer or something Yeah, but obviously there's Yeah, I've got about lead. Okay, like I'm getting lead testing kits. Apparently there's lead all over our plates Oh lads and everything. Yeah, did you know this Devon? Oh a little bit

Starting point is 00:39:33 No, I mean I in the psyllium husk that I it's in it's in a lot of like our supplements actually you take lead No, not willing try to avoid it. I. I look up the lowest lead levels But like most vitamins and supplements that you take have like trace amounts of lead in them a little bit of lead Oh shit, there's trace amounts of lead and almost like trace amounts of plastic like there's trade. There's no lead in any Fucking you're probably you know in your cans Home goods store and he was testing everything and showing that the plates were just, they were cheap shit from China and they were covered in lead. If you eat off that every day for like 10 years,

Starting point is 00:40:09 there's like huge effects. You shouldn't buy any dishes from Goodwills and shit like that, because it's all people who died who were like 90 years old, and they got fucking solid lead plates. So you should never do that. There's a lot of stories of people, they buy a Garfield mug or whatever

Starting point is 00:40:26 and then it has 18 times the legal amount of lead. Because it was made in 1964. But it's Garfield. It's Garfield. I hate chicken soup. There's literally a one for one, there's hipster guys in Subway who are like, oh it's a Garfield mug.

Starting point is 00:40:39 And then they gave themselves brain cancer. Man, that sucks though. Because they wanted to be ironic and drink out of their little Garfield mug. Yeah. So, but in China, the stuff is nice. But they make bullshit that they send here

Starting point is 00:40:53 for us to eat off of the killifol. Is the shit nice in China? I think, I found a guy on Instagram, he lives in a nice apartment, and he makes Instagram rules all the time about how we suck and his life kicks ass. In China? Yeah, in China, apparently.

Starting point is 00:41:07 He's surrounded by Chinese people, so we win. What an awful life. Yeah, it's also very telling because there's not a single person making an Instagram Reel in America saying, my life is so much better than yours in China, because we know it is. They're obsessed with us, We're not obsessed with them.

Starting point is 00:41:26 Perhaps, but I try to go to a pub with my daughter, and it's just, I'm in an interesting sort of class and racial sort of... Yeah, you don't have the escape velocity to stop being around black people in your day-to-day life, and it's really upset you. It's really sad, because when I go out in LA, I forget that outside of my own bubble,

Starting point is 00:41:50 the city is littered with pedophiles and people covered in tattoos and people wearing jerseys and gym shorts, and it's really, people are really gross, and they have pock marks all over their body like they were hit by an asteroid. No, you take your daughter. Everyone has shrapnel scars.

Starting point is 00:42:12 I saw a guy that like he lived in a claw machine. He like got out. He shaped like the aliens from Toy Story. There is a lot of people walking around with scars from an accident that never occurred. They had a really bad nightmare and they woke up like that. There is a lot of people walking around with with the scars from an accident that never occurred Yes, they survived Freddy Krueger In real life. I can't you can't leave your bubble anymore. I'm real. There's a reason I actually stay home I tried to go to the pop pot, you know the one with the castle in Sherman Oaks. Yeah, great pop up. Yeah

Starting point is 00:42:43 Yeah, yeah, it's fine. There was a Chinese guy living in that castle. Yeah, he was shooting at me like it was the LA riots. He was shooting past me at a family of black people. A roof Korean who lives in the dinosaur at the putt putt. The big Pee-wee Herman dinosaur. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, he lives in the mouth of a brachiosaurus.

Starting point is 00:43:02 Laying on the tongue of a brachiosaurus with a sniper rifle He's not hitting the black people he's not tearing them from coming because I just try to scare them away He nicks them like how Trump got shot in the air yeah, he shoots him in the gay year And it really upsets the Michael Jordan ear. Yeah, It's the human version of when they would catch hogs and cut their balls off so they can't breed. Wild hogs. I went and I realized that the country is,

Starting point is 00:43:35 there was a guy sitting there, as soon as I walked in, To the putt putt. 56 year old guy in the arcade wearing a, who's the guy you guys like on the Lakers? The jokeic, uh, uh, uh. Luca? Luca. Who's the good guy, he looks like Shane Gillis,

Starting point is 00:43:50 what's his name? The white guy on the Lakers now? Luca? Luca Donkic. The big guy that everybody loves. On the Lakers? On the Lakers, he's just got created. Luca Donkic.

Starting point is 00:43:58 Luca Donkic. We've said it five times. I don't know, I don't know, I'm sorry. I don't know, you said, it looks like, I thought you were saying like Nikola Jokic maybe, who's on the Nuggets. These guys gotta get new names, this stuff stinks. The NBA's white now.

Starting point is 00:44:12 Yeah. This fucking sucks. I thought you would have owned the league at this point. How white it is. It's very funny, yeah you should start watching again. And it's very funny, every white guy has a name like Nikola Jokic and every black guy is called like Anthony Anderson.

Starting point is 00:44:33 It's completely, society has reversed itself. This is Kangaroo Jack. Yeah, it's Kangaroo Jack, yeah. Yeah, there's a guy, when I walked into the Pup-Pup Place, there's an arcade you gotta walk through. And there's a 58-year-old guy and a donk chick. Donchich. Donchich.

Starting point is 00:44:51 I'll never learn it. What's his first name? Luca. Okay, I'm gonna say Luca, because that's close. It's like one of the gospels. So I got that. Luca, there's a guy wearing a Luca Lakers jersey and gym shorts, and he's like 58 years old.

Starting point is 00:45:04 Gross. Tons of pockmarks, covered in tats shorts and he's like 58 years old, tons of pockmarks, covered in tats and he's playing the Willy Wonka coin game where the coins drop and you know it goes in and out like that and the coins fall onto a lower level and push the coins out. And I had an eye on him kind of the whole time because I have like a daughter now. And he reeked of pedophiles.

Starting point is 00:45:23 Your scope and pedophiles, every room you walk into. He didn't have a family there, and he was there by himself. And he was playing the Willy Wonka coin game. Yeah, that's a deer blind for him. Dude, turn. I turn the corner, pizza place right there. There's a guy with, he's 35,

Starting point is 00:45:45 with the push cart thing. In between walking and having a rascal scooter, you know the thing. A stroller. Yeah, a stroller is like, that's what I push my daughter in. This guy, there needs to be another word for it. The thing old people walker, a walker. He has the lean, but it has the wheels on it. So it's one of those where it's like,

Starting point is 00:46:05 and then I can turn around, I can sit down if I have to wait in line, gobbled up for 45 seconds. It's for old people who are more lazy than paralyzed. It's like Heely's for old people. They do tricks on him and shit. It's you're on your way to having a rascal scooter. He was like a 35 year old guy with one of these. Looked like Bowser. There's no way to describe it. He was like a 35 year old guy with one of these. Looked like Bowser.

Starting point is 00:46:25 There's no way to describe him. He looked like Bowser from Super Mario. Crazy faux hawk. Everybody's covered in tattoos. Everybody's fat as shit. Everybody's a retard. Everybody's like, they're just poor. They suck ass.

Starting point is 00:46:41 They're disgusting people. Their tattoos are a map home so they don't forget case they get lost Yeah, they all have notes pinned to their skin a bunch of notes about their life their social security number Yeah, his name is Jason. He gets scared easily Call my number if you find him, but you know you call the number the mom's been dead for five years That's why he's out and about People keep calling and there's nobody picking up. It's a, I forget how scary of a place it is.

Starting point is 00:47:09 And now that I have kids. The world is creepy. I just go, I'm not, I'm gonna have to send my daughter out into this world, like. And I pull back, I'm like, this is a major city, this is the fall of the American empire, this is sort of the decay, this is the middle class is being completely erased.

Starting point is 00:47:26 It is what it is, you know, just, you gotta, it's okay, you just gotta stay in your bubble. But then you go to- That's how you become successful. You stay in your bubble, you have your little community, and you rise through that. Yeah, but the problem is you go to a small town and there's like the same people,

Starting point is 00:47:42 but like the guy's playing like dice with his teeth and shit. You know, wearing like overalls. No, the small town America doesn't actually, the cherry pies on the side of the road, and like the white picket fences. Small town America has become what it was in the 1840s, where it was three fucking like opium addicts who gave up on their way to Oregon.

Starting point is 00:48:02 There's a saloon. Yeah. Yeah, all that shit. Yeah, you roll into town, they're like, you can molest my daughter for a quarter. They ever in a dunk tank? Yeah, they're like, shoot at my feet, make me dance for a silver dollar.

Starting point is 00:48:14 That's the pinball game in the small towns. We don't have any technical games, but if you give me a quarter, I will rape your daughter. And then you look at white flight. White flight, there's always periods of white flight where white people panic and they flee. They fled from the cities to the suburbs at one point. And most recently during COVID,

Starting point is 00:48:37 they all fled to Austin, Texas. And now they're fleeing back, right? Or they're fleeing Austin at least. Rent in Austin is insanely low right now. Yeah, I've been looking at some places actually. Because if we ever had to move, you know, we'd live around Austin. I was like, wow, rents are down where they were when I had to move to Austin in like 2020. Yeah, I was seeing like huge...

Starting point is 00:48:56 Because I keep track of the neighborhood I lived in. They've built up too many high rises to compete with the amount of people there now. I'm seeing like huge two bedrooms for like 1300, 1400. There's also people just getting the fuck out of Texas. Yeah. Yeah, fuck out of Dodge. Cause they raised the property tax, right? Everybody's freaking out.

Starting point is 00:49:12 Well, property taxes have always been high there, but even for like, I was seeing a thing, like outside of Galveston, Texas, like every single house is for sale because people were buying these houses and Airbnb-ing them and like that. Airbnb's dead, people are just getting rid of their liquidating properties like crazy.

Starting point is 00:49:29 Did they buy a house in Galveston and then realized it was in Galveston? I think that actually is one of the, you go, Oh, it's the coast. Like you don't really know what you're getting into. Yeah. And then you walk to the ocean and it looks like an ocean in hell. It looks like the Robin Williams hell movie where there's skulls and oil everywhere. And it's always been bad. It's always been bad. It's always been It's always been bad. It was fucking bad. They were like don't walk on the beach. There's glass Water you'd be covered in fucking oil. Yeah, the worst city I've ever been to in my life besides Flint, Michigan was Port MacArthur

Starting point is 00:49:58 Isn't that where SpaceX does all their rocket stuff too? Yeah, they just cuz they're like Rockets over houses all their rocket stuff too? Yeah, they just, cause they're like, who gives? Yeah, it's cause it's a who gives a fuck. So people are- They build rockets over houses. Yeah, no, it's literally like half the town just has chunks of metal sticking in their heads. They're like, who gives a shit? People are moving to Galveston because they're so racist,

Starting point is 00:50:16 they think they're watching rockets get dropped on minorities. Yeah, they think they're shooting the rockets to San Antonio, yeah. I think, isn't it Brownsville or whatever, at the very southern tip where they shoot them off or whatever? Brownsville?

Starting point is 00:50:29 Well, it's in that one part where it's very, like peninsula, it's a very like swampy or whatever. Maybe it's not Galveston. But I know it's like some deep part of lower Texas. I don't keep tabs on Elon at all. And I love Tesla. What's funny on the tip of the border there, I was reading a story the other day

Starting point is 00:50:51 of there was this Mexican farmer and he was an American citizen, right? And he was on his farm and he was riding his tractor around and he drove over a IED and he blew up. And I was like why the fuck, because it was his own ranch. He was just like tilling the land or whatever you do on a tractor.

Starting point is 00:51:18 I don't know what people do on tractors. It doesn't make any sense to me. It seems very inefficient. He's like I'm just tilling, there's no plan. You should, every time I see a guy in a tractor, I'm like, what about a big car? Yeah. They move slow.

Starting point is 00:51:31 They, like, there's no turn radius. They kind of suck ass. They cost $400,000. Yeah, they stink. You should just do it in, like, a Corolla. Get a Land Cruiser. Hitch that shit up to that. But yeah, this guy, like, Looney Tunes style,

Starting point is 00:51:43 like, blew up, like, 300 feet in the air on his own property. Like cartel bomb? Yeah, so apparently the cartel, they just put bombs everywhere because I don't know. There's some people that are just sort of attracted to that type of just putting bombs in the. We got to get rid of those. Send them to that El Salvadorian prison.

Starting point is 00:52:03 With those hairdressers. This sounds like the work of a gay hairdresser. We're deporting, we go to Mexico and deport people. We gotta get these people in here. You're going deeper. Whatever country's after Mexico, you're going there. I don't know, I don't give a shit. I don't know what it is.

Starting point is 00:52:22 Yeah, they were interviewing the family. They were all really, obviously the guy, just like he woke up, he had like his biscuits and his coffee, and then he just went out, I'm gonna get off the track, then I'm gonna go check on my car. Oh no! Just fall in.

Starting point is 00:52:38 Well, Dios míos. That's crazy, I'm like, I can't, you can't, I read one story about living on the border of this state. I'm like, when's the wall coming? Oh yeah, yeah. That's insane. They just put a bomb? No, it's crazy.

Starting point is 00:52:54 Even before this shit was happening, it was like, I mean, I remember back when I visited my cousin and they lived in- Oh, Tijuana? No, they lived in like Nogales, like Arizona, like close to the border. And they said they knew a rancher that was just like, he was like wandering around his property

Starting point is 00:53:11 and he was like killed by like the cartel. They found him with like his head chopped off, some shit like that. Like it's crazy. They tell you, in fact when I was there, we would go on like little walks and they go, if you see like a bag or anything, don't walk up to it. Don't touch it because they have coyotes

Starting point is 00:53:30 in the mountains watching for the drops. And if you go touch that, then you get killed because you found their money or whatever. Yeah, there was, what's the sister city from El Paso? Is it Juarez across the border? Yeah, I believe so, yeah. I think it was Juarez, it was one day, everybody woke up in Juarez and there was something like 10 or 15 reporters hanging from a subway station 40 feet up in the air.

Starting point is 00:53:54 The car judge was like, we do not give a single shit whatsoever. No, they don't give a fuck. Yeah. It was like 2009 or some shit. It's sort of an unfortunate thing, because you want to go to Texas, you read... Like Austin, the prices are dropping like crazy, right? And you go, wow, rent's down like 30%. It's returning back to normal levels.

Starting point is 00:54:15 You can live in a city that sucks more ass than any place on earth. Yeah, Kiltani Regulars can almost afford food. It's becoming... It shouldn't cost as much as L.A. That's us. We're the ones that get to do that. Our place should be... We're the dumb assholes who live here. We love it. Keep raising the prices in LA. I'm actually the other way on this now. I think Newsome needs to make the prices go higher, make more people leave. We'll be the last holdouts.

Starting point is 00:54:42 Rent will be $40,000 a month or whatever. We'll keep taking out loans. We'll be the last holdouts. Rent will be $40,000 a month or whatever. We'll keep taking out loans. We'll keep starting new podcasts. We're staying here and everyone will have to leave. Everyone will be gone. And where will they be going? At that point probably Rogan will be such a libtard, woke cuck, that he'll be probably pro.

Starting point is 00:55:01 He's very pro immigration. He wants everybody to move to Austin. He wants everybody to immigrate to his city. He's always been woke. He's just sort of now exposing himself. And those are the people who should be. Actually has like a woke libtard, if you think about it. He's always telling people to move.

Starting point is 00:55:15 Yeah. Oh, he does love immigration. He wants refugees, doesn't he? Yeah, yeah. And those people are very pro about it. He's been trying to get Joey Diaz to move for a while. I mean, kinda crazy. There you go. Another fucking Latino. there you go. He's a lib

Starting point is 00:55:29 Yeah, isn't it the thing now? He's woke. He was using it's to rape their senator because he made fun of Douglas Murray Yeah, yeah, we were just watching the clip you made fun of Douglas Murray Everybody's mad and I wanted to see what Douglas Murray said and then I found out he was British and I just clicked off He sees a he sucks to watch. She's annoying as shit very smug British cocksucker Yo, these people but he also says I don't know I don't care You know, I think he had some solid arguments, but I also yet don't care enough to talk about it

Starting point is 00:56:01 Yeah, if you're getting owned by Dave Smith, yeah The lot of people think owned by Dave Smith. Yeah. I don't know if... A lot of people think he owned Dave Smith. Well. Zogs. Zogs, Dave. Many are saying. Many are saying.

Starting point is 00:56:12 The people saying that's end of Play of the Apes when the two champs are battling to see who's king. I'm on Team Smith. I think Dave is... Team Smith. I don't think Dave does things with bad faith. This is, I like that, Devin. This is empathy, this is compassion.

Starting point is 00:56:29 This is sort of the direction I want the show to go. I was listening to Pope, like, I was listening to Pope Francis on 60 Minutes, and he has so much compassion for people, and he's a good- Have you heard of WTF? It's great. When he did Just For Laughs in 2006, it changed everything.

Starting point is 00:56:50 When him and Maren got into that big fight in the 90s and they finally made up. Do we have a thing? Pretty sure you fucked me. Yeah, I was 12. So funny to think about the Pope going into ducking to go into Maren's garage because he has the big hat on. Right.

Starting point is 00:57:06 He has giant headphones on that go over the Pope hat. Yeah, the Pope just goes like, oh, if we started? Yeah, no, we just start, man. That's how we do it here. Yeah, we just fucking rock and roll. We just fucking start. He's like, thanks for coming over, man. The Pope's like, yeah, I'd never make it over

Starting point is 00:57:20 to this side of town, you know? They're real. You know what's funny is if you were the Pope and you wanted to, you'd be like, let's go, let's go get the paparazzi on us, let's go get some eyes, and if you were walking around and people would be like, why is that guy dressed up like the Pope? Yeah, no one would believe it's him.

Starting point is 00:57:37 Everywhere you went, they would just be like, just a homeless guy. Because a schizophrenic old man. Broke into a Spirit Halloween, got a Pope outfit, that's ridiculous. You would never think it's the... Never ever. Walking into the Chateau Marmonts. Yeah, walking down fucking sunset.

Starting point is 00:57:51 Who's the gayest man of all time I see over there? He's thinking it's a gay guy! Is that Elton John's old faggy ass? He's thinking it's a gay man. He's riding the bull. Who's that guy wearing the golden white sadded dress? Who's that Frans old man wearing that antebellum dress? By the way, they do not bless the union of gay guys.

Starting point is 00:58:19 In the Catholic Church? In the Catholic Church, they bless the individual. Because he believes that the good, he sees the good in people and he sees the, he says the heart is good but we sometimes, you know, we do bad things. Right. But he's not, I had a complete misconception kind of about,

Starting point is 00:58:38 I thought he was kind of just like a bookkeeper for the molestations. No, this is- Like I thought he just sort of woke up, he's like, who did, what did they do? Again. Yeah, he thought he was like the Billy Bane of rape. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:49 Money balls. We gotta get kids on base. What does he do? He fucks children. Every day the Pope's on the phone like, Jesus, what? Oh God, he gets 300. He goes, there hundred kids. We haven't fucked in that parish. What are they doing? Yeah, he's like it's like car sales. He's like I got a bishop. I got a bishop in Venice

Starting point is 00:59:15 He's batting a perfect game. I got this guy We're gonna send him to the st. Louis archdiocese cuz he's got to whip these guys in the shape He was so good. These guys haven't fucked a kid. That's why the Boston Red Sox wanted to hire him. To like, listen, Boston, we're a town of child rape. Mystic River, great movie. Gone baby gone. He was like the Obama Pope, because it was all the molestation spotlight,

Starting point is 00:59:42 and then Pope Benedict, I think just quit, right? He just like retired. And then they brought in woke Pope, lib Pope, to kind of like give a fresh face on shit. But I did listen to him, it's like he's not liberal, he's just a compassionate man. For the Pope, he's lib. But he doesn't recognize like,

Starting point is 01:00:03 like even the question of like surrogacy and stuff. Like having a surrogate. If a woman can't conceive. I didn't know the Catholic Church was against that of taking your egg, putting it. Well you can't even wear condoms according to the Catholic Church. Cause they say you cannot prevent sperm

Starting point is 01:00:18 from going in a pussy or a boy's ass. And that's just one for us. That's just a little something for us. The says there's no condoms and he winks. The pope was like, dude's raw. Yeah. Give me some skin. Aw, shit, pope. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:34 All my whines shall go raw. But he's not like, I don't understand what's liberal about it. By the way, you can't shut the fuck up about the genocide. For the Pope. That's comparison, the Pope was like in the 80s, and John Paul has just said that everyone who dies of AIDS will burn in hell for a million years. Well he also recognizes that Israel was doing a genocide.

Starting point is 01:00:56 Yeah, I think that was like the last talk he gave was about fucking, he was like, knock it off Israel. And then he died. From what I read, he didn't want to like have dinner with JD or whatever and he sent the White House leaned on him. He sent bishops to like give him a speech about like having compassion. And then JD went, you need to talk to me and then the White House like diplomatically pressured the Vatican to meet him right before he died. Meet him and then he died like seven hours later which kicks ass. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:25 It was kind of funny because everyone's like, why is the, why is the, like people were committing heresy, because like they love the Pope, and they're like, why is the Pope not meeting with our based red-pilled faggot? Why are they not meeting with this guy who's been Catholic for three and a half years?

Starting point is 01:01:43 Because it's cool on Twitter amongst faggots. And then he died. You got to pour one out. Died. Yeah. So now I'm excited because I know the pope rules now, now that I saw a convent. I know what's going on. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:08 So we got a new pope coming up. They're going to seal all these bishops. They're all going to suck and fuck each other. We're going to walk out with a new one. I think people were worried that the new pope was going to be a hard right leading guy. But apparently the pope appoints all the people that then have to appoint him.

Starting point is 01:02:24 So he goes, so it'll probably be people that are like-minded. Because he's appointed like 100 of 130s. Something or other. It's like all the archbishops, I think, get together and they vote on, whoever gets the most votes out of the archbishop gets the pope. But he has hired people that are like him. Yeah, but I think a lot of those guys

Starting point is 01:02:39 have been in that position for like 50 years. So there's like a lot of. There's a big list. Whoever's fucked the most kids wins. It's a sales contest. He kinda changed my opinion of the Catholic Church though, I didn't know they were like, it felt very refreshing, it felt like talking to a liberal in 2002.

Starting point is 01:02:56 People have been feeling this way about this guy for a while before he did. That they like Pope Francis? I think so, but also he did some, I think he also said some crazy things. He said a little bit of crazy, he said like faggot in Italian or whatever. Yeah, he said faggot, which was, that was cool.

Starting point is 01:03:09 He was trying, he starred a podcast at one point during his run. Never took off. Never took off though. Yeah, the Patreon got up to $25 a clip. You can't just say the words, you still have to have some wit attached. But, and then I saw him like,

Starting point is 01:03:22 hit a couple women or something. Yeah, but they were- He started touring with Josh Denny. Yeah, a couple gypsy, a couple gypsy psychos came up, someone like, meh, meh, meh, it's a pope, and he was like, ah! And I'm seeing videos of him hitting them, like, get outta here, spam!

Starting point is 01:03:35 What if the pope died at a Josh Denny and Anthony and Gavin show? I saw that they were in torrents, someone texted me that they were there. And it's like, it's Josh, Jenny, Gavin, Anthony, Kamea, and two other guys. And I'm like, what is the show? Like, it's a show where we just.

Starting point is 01:03:55 What is the show? The person who was at the show said there was one black person at the entire event. Yeah, that guy was. One black person in the crowd. That guy was doing investigative reporting. Yeah. It was Kanye. person in the crowd. I was doing investigative reporting. Yeah It was Kanye. Yeah

Starting point is 01:04:14 I can't imagine what the show I imagine every time I turn into and Gavin they they it's just It's just about black people. I imagine you go to the show you walk in and it looks and then I rise I'm accidentally listening to Limit Party and then I switch over. Yeah, you're like, oh, they're not ironic about it They don't say according to Twitter after they say an insane thing for 45 minutes. But yeah, for a pope, he was like, I know gay Catholics in my life, which is insane to be gay and Catholic, but it was big for them, and the pope was like, yeah, faggots don't, you know.

Starting point is 01:04:41 I guess it's not insane, though, because the whole Christian concept is that you're a sinner anyway, right? Because they like it yeah, like it's for sinners. It's for people who are not perfect So you're like, yeah, you show up to every mass you guys say I'm still gay. Yeah And that's that's fine by the grace of God. I will you take communion and he puts it in your ass You bend over and he goes and this is his body and then he He sticks it in your ass like it's a coin slot in an arcade.

Starting point is 01:05:08 Yeah. And the priest says, I'm also gay, by the way. And then everyone stands up, they go, we're all gay. You go up for the wine and then he has to spit the wine in your ass. Honey, he spits the wine in your ass. Let me turn that dick red. It's the wine in your ass.

Starting point is 01:05:24 Let me turn that dick red. But yeah, the Pope, it did just come out that Pope Francis died at Anthony and Gavin's show. He was in attendance. He took too much Molly before the show. Forgot to drink water. Take Molly. Test your shit, test your shit, guys. You gotta test your shit.

Starting point is 01:05:51 By the way, if you are in a position like that where you have to be this angel, this protector, this leader, and you have to put on a certain face. You talk to God according to the Catholic Church. Yeah, or whatever. You gotta have a release valve somehow. So he might, when no one's around,

Starting point is 01:06:13 he probably does something real fucked up. He's either, he listens to like, he listens to like, you know, uncensored.tv or whatever. He does something crazy. He does open mics. He's got a premium brass band. He has an open mic in the Vatican where he just, he has a five minute chunk about the N-word.

Starting point is 01:06:31 Like he's doing something behind closed doors to get it out. All those guys have something to get it out of. I'd imagine it's fucking children. Historically. Historically that would be the case. Ah fuck, that is probably, yeah. I guess that's why they do it.

Starting point is 01:06:46 I saw something one time. Because they have to bury that evil and have a couple of persona. That's why they have such giant cloaks. You could hide a lot of children in them. Yeah. It's concealed carry. They don't even have legs.

Starting point is 01:06:57 They're all amputees. They're just little kids walking them around. They all look like the ghosts of Christmas present. They all have two kids under their robes at all times. Two little skinny children sucking them off. Yeah, I guess it could be like a Jimmy Seville thing where it comes out later he's like a monster. But he seemed good to me.

Starting point is 01:07:14 He seemed good for the Pope. You liked him? You liked the Pope? I don't know anything about any of it. But I'd see clips online and I'd go, yeah, he seems, he would say some cool shit. You know? The thing I liked about him,

Starting point is 01:07:27 he said a lot of stuff that made everyone in the church mad at him. And I did respect that. What did he say though? He just seemed to be a compassionate guy. I think, I mean, he would literally like say shit like gay people go to heaven and people were like, that's, you're actually fucking like changing church doctor

Starting point is 01:07:42 and now you asshole. In fact, don't you remember the last time the pope died? It felt like there was a much bigger, it was a much more devastating reaction. And this time around, it's kind of just like, A lot of people are happy that he's dead. Seems like as if Gene Hackman died or something. It doesn't seem to be a big deal to people.

Starting point is 01:07:59 They're like, why was he dead for two weeks? The hell, his Asian wife killed him or something? Yeah, but a lot of Catholics did not like him, like if you're more conservative Catholic, they thought he was like kind of, you know, freestylin' up there, you know? Yeah, yeah. Just sayin' shit off the dome.

Starting point is 01:08:14 Hmm, well, you know, God rest his soul. And all of the progressive shit he said coulda just been, you know, the woke mind virus. That's true. True. Coulda been agenda-driven a little bit. Yeah, the Pope is dead comedy's legal again Yeah, could have been like you know maybe HBO got to him. We'll give you a show if you fucking say this shit I've really have you seen interviews before where you go wow that's like a holy person Like I put on Mr. Rogers for my daughter the other day as we were doing a bunch of stuff around the house

Starting point is 01:08:43 And Mr.. Rogers came on and the other day yeah doing a bunch of stuff around the house and mr. Rogers came on and it's this It's a different Person that's who you should really like a spot like you should aspire. He really was that guy. He really was that yeah He was yeah, he was he was he was a Legit it sucks this it's like you go wow he's the complete opposite of me you ever seen the doc on him It's a great. I know great won't you be my neighbor the creepiest moments of my life. I went saw that alone I was killing time in between doing deliveries, and then I was sitting in and I was like this is an odd look for me Did you cry watching it? It was emotional and maybe yeah, it's really good. Yeah, it fucking fucking ripped me up really good

Starting point is 01:09:20 Yeah, cry my fucking dick out I Was I had that with the Dalai Lama cuz I'd watched a bunch of interviews with him And I'm like he seems like a holy guy, and then I saw that video of him trying to lick that kid's tongue And then that was kind of good. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't care for that type shit You know yeah, I don't I don't I don't really fuck with all that stuff The llama I don't trust them they go up they go up in the wilderness on top of the mountain. No one knows. There's no cameras or phones. I don't know what's happening up there.

Starting point is 01:09:47 Get the fuck out of here. You guys don't even have Wi-Fi. Weather head shades. I don't know what you're doing up there, but get the fuck away from me. It's disgusting. Disgusting. Actually, I reject all Eastern thought. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:00 Sciences, inventions. You don't do fireworks. That's why you're becoming huge I've actually lost seven pounds in five days. Hey, I don't know you guys can tell you gave birth Actually, I've only had whole foods since Thursday At home, okay, that's good good good. So yeah I went down from 238 to 232 like pretty much immediately nice So yeah good, I lose weight very quickly you do I also gain it very quickly. It's kind of awesome

Starting point is 01:10:42 Yeah, it's really fun. It's kind of awesome. Yeah, it's really fun It's kind of you've heard are we made my bail without the acting my wife had a dream like I was possessed by like a demon Or something I was like I have to stop Oh really? She told me like a weird dream she had where the she went down she like woke up in our bed and went down to our basement where supposedly like this studio was and She got like a she was just chilling because she didn't want to wake me up in the middle of the night.

Starting point is 01:11:07 And you were just the AMPM man. Hot Cheeto hair and drinks for hands. What's up, boom o'clock? My teeth are chicklets. Yeah, and then she said she got this weird feeling that there was a demon in the room and then she went back upstairs and got back into bed and I was on my laptop. And then she said she got this weird feeling that there was a demon in the room and then she went back upstairs and got back into bed and I was on my laptop.

Starting point is 01:11:27 And then she said a demon appeared and she was scared and she kept asking me about it and I wanted to acknowledge it. And she woke up terrified. And I was like, I should stop shoving McDonald's up my ass every night. Well, it was hitting a point where I'm like, if you're just gonna be addicted to this,

Starting point is 01:11:45 just have a drink and don't eat. No, I can't do that, that's crazy. No, I know, of course not. But, at a certain point, the amount you're doing is just as bad for your health. I got kinda pissed off because I started trying to see how much weight I could gain, and for like a month I was stuck at like 235, 238,

Starting point is 01:12:04 and I couldn't push past it. You plateaued, yeah. It was really fuckin' piss much weight I could gain. And for like a month I was stuck at like 235, 238 and I couldn't push past it. It was really fucking pissing me off. And for the last two weeks I wasn't even hungry. Which also sucked because then food started sucking ass. So I was just eating constantly and it was like this funny thing to me to keep eating. I wasn't even hungry, I was like fine, I'll eat McDonald's.

Starting point is 01:12:20 It didn't mean anything to me anymore. And then I couldn't push, I guess my metabolism would increase so much I couldn't push past a certain point. I would eat until I was sick and I just couldn't do it. I guess I don't have it in me. I wanted to see if I had it in me. I think-

Starting point is 01:12:34 You're not built for tough. The only way, then I was like, how do people get like 450? And I realized that it's, they probably sleep three hours a night. They don't have a metabolism, and the big secret, calories in their liquid constantly. Yeah, sodas all the time.

Starting point is 01:12:53 You gotta constantly be cranking the soda to push yourself over the edge. The Starbucks, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta be working hard to get as big as some of these motherfuckers. Yeah, it actually is at a certain point, it is very hard work to maintain that size. Yeah, I mean, if you're over,

Starting point is 01:13:06 if you're around 350 and you stay there, you're consuming what, like 5,500 calories? Something like that, yeah, probably. We're ending now anyway, Devin. Devin quit the show. Devin stormed off. That's the last time you'll ever see him. And he never came back.

Starting point is 01:13:22 Yeah, I was kind of mad, but I can't just do soda all day. Yeah. No, soda's a killer. I love butter chicken, I love naan, I love McDonald's, but I was just gonna stick right there. I wasn't gonna gain any more weight. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:36 No, it's also, you really have to keep doing it. I've, as you know, I've been Outdoor Dash since January. Yeah, I'm proud of you for that. Big accomplishment. I've lost a little bit of weight. You're killing hookers. I'm slowly, yeah, I'm proud of you for that. Big accomplishment. I've lost a little bit of weight. You're killing hookers. I'm slowly, yeah, I'm putting cigarettes out on dogs. I'm smashing turtles with big fucking sledges, armors.

Starting point is 01:13:52 You're vivisecting cats. You're cutting them open while they're alive. Yeah, I'm nailing my girlfriend's cats to the walls and throwing toys at them. You're molding dead flies into big statues. I'm doing great. Doing great. My girlfriend's dead in my apartment.

Starting point is 01:14:09 She's been dead for four months. What? Now, I've lost probably about 15 or 20 or so, but we were at the Ren Fair all day the other day. Hadn't eaten all day, and then we went to Taco Bell. Then I had what I would normally get every other night to Taco Bell. And then I had like what I would normally get like every other night back in the day and I was like, oh this actually makes me physically sick

Starting point is 01:14:29 like eating this now. Like you have to, it is almost like a little bit of like alcoholism where you kind of like don't realize how much it is, you know? Until you take some time away from it. You're built for it. I'm built for it. Cause you have some childhood thing with it. I'm like cosplaying as a no

Starting point is 01:14:47 No, no, I mean I had eating disorders at like fucking 11, you know, i'm just i'm just trying to replace booze You actually have a problem with food. No, it's it's legitimately my biggest problem. Yeah And you you have been day drinking which maybe we'll get into that on the patreon Well, I have a legitimate reason to be day drinking devin's also day drinking with me Yeah, but you made him you made him do that. I guess we can get into on the patreon patreon.com slash lemon party We'll get into why you guys are day drinking, you know takes a lot to convince me. It's a yes I really had to twist the Devon's arm my brother my brother in arms here I came over sad and Devon had that came over a little sad and then I had to help me out

Starting point is 01:15:23 He had some vodka things with him and then I go well it wasn't gonna do it today but he needs a pat on the back exactly he's a good friend yeah if you loved me you would start drinking and I'm thinking we keep this train rolling I like the sound of that brother fire with me patreon.com slash lemon party. Thank you guys for tuning in May the may God Bless the Pope's soul. What do you say? May the Pope may the good Lord bless you and keep you may the Pope be in heaven and maybe the Pope shouldn't wait maybe playing maybe a He maybe he may he be at the party of eternity.

Starting point is 01:16:07 The angels are laughing now. The eternal party. He's up there at the pearly gates. The house party God's throne. The pearly gates. Alan Rickman's meeting him at the pearly gates. He says, hey, we're late for the David Bowie show. No, he's in hell.

Starting point is 01:16:22 The pearly gates. Getting raped by the devil. I really hate the concept of whoever wrote pearly gates. Yeah. Well, the pedophile is talking about his jizz. Pedophile, pedophile. The pearly gates, the gates made of my cum when I see children. Like a pearl necklace.

Starting point is 01:16:39 Yeah. Pearl necklace gates. How'd you like a pearly gate? Yep, looking like Fred Flintstone's wife. That's when you come in a child's Fuck you for that dude, did you go to hell that's fine fucked up man How come you react worse to when I quote the monkey thing and then he says that and you're kind of fine with it You skated right over it. Well, because I'm out.

Starting point is 01:17:06 You're right over that. Because I'm out. In the climate, that's his way. What you do is like, you also have a dissociation from it all where you act like you have no clue what's happening. I have a shame. Chase goes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:17:18 Chase will do like, I'm sorry. You just say monkeys all the time. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on. I'm at- You're like the Wicked Witch of the West. Just monkeys everywhere. I'm lost at sea. I don't know where I time. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on. You're like the Wicked Witch of the West, just monkeys everywhere. I'm lost at sea, I don't know where I am. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:28 I don't know if I'm ever gonna see land again. Yeah. This is the, this is the- You're constantly at war with a whale, which is your gut biome. Which I'm chasing the white whale because I want to eat him. I'm gonna make the world's biggest fish filet,

Starting point is 01:17:46 world's biggest filet of fish. Once I catch Moby Dick, put him into a big sandwich and eat him. Yep. And then I'm going to kill myself. Nice, dude. With a gun. With a gun.

Starting point is 01:17:58 And then I'm going to die. And then I'm going to be in heaven with the pope. With the pope. Where there's no gay people except for pedophiles Yeah, such as the Pope the only ones allowed. Yep by them. Yes, of course The pedophiles actually go to purgatory because that's where all the kids are It's like a children's hospital waiting room It's like a children's hospital waiting room. Yeah

Starting point is 01:18:28 Dead Bishop Street purgatory like it's a five below Fuck. Fuck, man. Fuck, shit. All right, before we go, say a few Hail Marys to, like... Hail Mary, Mother, full of grace, please be with all the pedophiles and help them escape justice. You're praying for God to watch over all the pedophiles that are leading us in the church. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Please bless the pedophile who's playing the organ. May the guy who Leav Shriver played in that spotlight movie may he die a thousand deaths.

Starting point is 01:19:12 Was that Michael Keaton? There was Michael Keaton, but Leav Shriver in the movie, he played the Jewish editor, and that was a plot point that he was, they were like, are you doing this because you're Jewish and you hate Catholics and it was a big learning moment. I forgot about that. Oh, that is a big learning moment. Spotlight was a highly overrated movie.

Starting point is 01:19:32 I'd have to re-watch it, but you're probably right. You're probably right, I'd have to re-watch it. I just love Michael Keaton, I'm a sucker for him. I liked it, but I remember feeling like it was just like a, it was like a very like a TV movie, you know? Yeah, I'd never desire to re-watch it. Yeah, I'd have to re-watch it. So you're probably right. Let's watch it tonight. That's the ultimate test. Do you want to see, do you keep thinking about it?

Starting point is 01:19:47 Well there's some movies that are just so intense you don't want to rewatch it. We'll put it on tonight. I just remember the one scene at the door where they're talking to the old guy and he's like, well of course. I was fucked, I fucked kids. What's the problem?

Starting point is 01:19:58 I blew those kids' backs out. I don't know what your problem is. And then they have this moment, they're like, ah, it's a cycle a Vicious a vicious cycle a vicious cycle much as getting fat and getting skinny again They're getting fat again the getting skinny we should watch that and then we should watch doubt in honor of PSH I like doubt the doubt rules. That's a PSH. Yeah PSA Yeah, all right. All right. Well, okay, so Jace is going to heaven now.

Starting point is 01:20:26 Yep. Because he said a Hail Mary. Yep. Devin, would you like to say Hail Mary, or do you feel like you didn't say anything wrong? I didn't say anything wrong at all this episode, so. Okay. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go in my car

Starting point is 01:20:35 and say 3,000 Hail Marys. Okay. For all the things I've said and done. I don't even know if like, if a priest, I don't even know what he would say to me. I'd be like, okay, so I could sit here for a few weeks and ask for forgiveness or you could just go, can you go listen to my,

Starting point is 01:20:49 you binge listen to the Patreon. And then you know what I feel bad about. You know? Like he would have to listen to the show to kind of get a full scope of what I've done. Yeah, he'd get it. I think he would get it. I just, I don't think they would let me into the church,

Starting point is 01:21:07 though. I don't think there's any way. I think you'd say you've done nothing wrong, my son. He would say if you're gonna be Catholic, you can't have this podcast. Yeah. Probably, right? I imagine.

Starting point is 01:21:18 I imagine any religion would. Because I think we break all the rules of every, we break all the rules. Right? Yeah. Here on Lemon Party. We don't like honor our parents, right? We don't, all the rules of every I think we break all the rules right here on lemon party we don't like honor our parents right we don't I guess we covet we envy yeah we curse we were hateful angry words I think is a sin as well yeah all of the words are angry everything we're good we gay. We're all gay.

Starting point is 01:21:47 There's got to be something, there's got to be some religion though that lets us do this, right? Satanism is a religion, technically. I guess you're right, but they're so, they're the worst ones. Yeah. It's so cringe. You can tell they smell bad when you look at them. Maybe we can do an Islam thing, because black people can usually convert to Islam

Starting point is 01:22:07 and they keep smoking cigarettes, like cheating on their wife, and they eat bacon. Like it's not, you know what I mean? So maybe we could become prison Islam, like a chapelle. Maybe. Like chapelle's Muslim, right? We can just get some bow ties and stuff next episode.

Starting point is 01:22:19 Yeah, exactly. And we'll be fine. Bow ties? Some bow ties. Yeah, like some faircon dudes. Yeah. Faircon guys. Oh yeah, yeah, Yeah. Yeah, we'll just become black Okay, well alright we're black Israelites now, I don't think they're even black Israelites

Starting point is 01:22:35 I think you're getting that wrong. Yeah, I am mixing it up. You're mixing it up, but Jay said Farrakhan Farrakhan Sure, isn't black isn't Farrakhan a black? Farrakhan's a black Israelite. No. No. I think he's a nation of Islam. Nation of Islam, yeah. There's too many.

Starting point is 01:22:51 There's so many. Dude, there's too many. These guys gotta consolidate. I know. It's like the Game of Thrones opening. There's so many lands, God knows. These people, no wonder everybody's fighting. Yeah, I know.

Starting point is 01:23:05 There's too many. Don't get me started. Too many different. Don't get me started on those. There's too many. New rule, new rule, no Muslims. New rule. They're not in the league, we're not letting them.

Starting point is 01:23:17 New rule, no Muslim people. All right, well, we gotta do ads now everybody. All right folks. Patreon.com slash Clement Party. Thank you so much, bye bye. Bye. Bye. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina Music would play and Polina would whirl Blacker than night were the eyes of Polina Wicked and evil while casting a spell

Starting point is 01:24:30 My love was deep for this Mexican maid I was in love but in vain I could tell One night a while young cowboy came in Wild as the West Texas way

lemonparty - 130: Five Below

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