lemonparty - 131: Iona Gottimeforthis

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

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It's like bread in between. It's like a salad and some protein. It's actually a great meal. Yeah, who made that? Earl of Sandwich? Yeah, of course. The sandwich is great. They've been around since the beginning of time, you quiv.

All right. Yeah, why is there always an Earl of Sandwich? There's no Earl of Video Poker or something like that time, you quiv, all right. Yeah, why is there always an Earl of Sandwich? There's no like, you know, Earl of Video Poker or something like that. That was brute, watching Bert hold court. Unbelievable. Yeah, we watched Bert on We Might Be Drunk. I don't know if we're recording yet, but.

We are, we are. That's it. Yeah. We started the app by Bert going like, he said, I made this really brilliant joke the other day on this podcast. And then he retold it. And then they had, it started by him going like,

are we recording? I don't wanna waste this. And then going, I made this really brilliant joke the other day and it was like the equivalent of like, I saw an Asian guy and he was a bing bong and then they had to like fake laugh at his stupid retarded joke. God, he sucks ass.

He's so retarded, he's so annoying. God, he's like, I think I'd like him, but he's so. He's so retarded, he's like a vampire. Well, I don't know him, so I could be like, burning hell. But if I did meet him, I'd probably be like, oh, you're a drunk guy, I like you, you're fuckin' sure. If I didn't know him, know him, you know what I mean? Or you'd get drunk with him an hour and you get so fed up,

you would jump across the table and choke him. He might actually be the guy you get drunk with in Tampa, Florida and you don't know, and then after a couple hours you're like, oh my god, you suck. In two hours he's. Yeah, you might be walking to another bar on a quiet street and you panic

and you grab a cinder block and hit him in the back of the head with it. And two hours should have been the amount of time his career lasted. But it's, you know, he's a big fucking deal. Huge deal. He's just talking about how vodka has less calories. And then-

On podcasts. On a podcast, and then Sam Morrill's like, also like, you know, like, Ubers are like, they're like the new taxis. It's like a taxi you can just like order on your phone. Mark Norma's like, that's the thing. That's the thing, I cheat on my life. When technology was introduced, you get a taxi,

but it's on your phone, it's called an Uber, you don't wanna talk to the guy, but you fucking, you get in the car, you drive, and you say yes, yes a couple times, and then you're there, you're home, you quave. All right. All right. As things are different now.

Yeah, that's the thing is like time passes and things like change. Dude, like Casino's crazy. It's like about the mob in Vegas. I had no idea the mob ran Vegas. Yeah, they used to run Vegas. Can you imagine if we were there right now? We'd all be putting our heads in vices.

Yeah, dude, that's the thing, dude. That's crazy. Dude, it used to be like. We're such scumbags. I like them. Yeah, I like them too. I like both of them actually. I don't like Bert, but I like both of them.

I like the way Sam will be like, that's the thing, dude, it used to be like 2013. Now it's 2025. It's like, dude the phone is like, everyone's on their phone these days. Well it's a computer in your pocket, what are you gonna do? You're not gonna go on to your laptop in your pocket?

What are you doing, you queen? All right, I'm Kevin Hart, comedy. You know what they are? They're great. I'm getting comedy They're like if you took De Niro's friends in taxi driver and you gave them a podcast if you gave like wizard and If you gave like wizard and fucking Ray Romano's dad You gave Peter Boyle a podcast No, they're there there there are hardworking good comics, though. Mm-hmm.

I have seen Samorail Live. He did. Sam's great live. He did do great. Sam's a fantastic comic. He did fantastic, yeah. Mark is good, too. Mm-hmm.

I saw Mark Live. What do you mean? I don't know. No, they're both good comics. I saw Mark Live. I don't do it. They're fucking good. I saw Mark Follow live. I don't do it, they're fucking good. I saw Mark follow Ben.

What do you want from me? Hey, what are you talking about, you quiver? Stop laughing. Devin's trying to open for him. Hey, comedy. She's not my wife. It's good, I like it. You gotta paint a wall, you know,

because if you don't paint it, it just looks like a wall. You can see everything, unless you paint it, it's like white and it fits in. That's the thing, you gotta paint your home! Not everyone's an artist, but everybody paints a wall at one point. I'm not a queer, you queef, I just want my fucking wife to shut up.

So I painted the fucking apartment. All right. Well, my favorite thing is Norman will do I just want my fucking wife to shut up. So I painted the fucking apartment. All right. Well, my favorite thing is Norman will do like a very lazy Robin Williams where he'll just do word association where Sam will be like, that's the thing, you gotta paint you all.

And Norman's like, I heard they paint houses. You know that movie, De Niro. The Irishman. Oh. Yeah, Queve. Yeah, Jesus Christ, comedy, farts. My dad's gay, fag, alright. Shit, Jesus, what do you want from me?

I don't know. Yeah, that's the thing you told you, you know. It's like, Madison's where garden's like a really important place. It's not a garden. It's not a garden though. important place. It's not a garden. It's not a garden though. You know, you walk in, you think there's going to be plants.

There's not. Jesus Christ. Come to you queen. Fuck. What do you want from me? My my fat ass brought in a bunch of sandwiches. Dude, I'm literally like I'm having a fucking insulin spike right now. Yeah, shout out to sandwich. There's no sugar in those. I'm pretty sure I ate spike right now. I know. Yeah, shout out to sandwich, there's no sugar in those. I'm pretty sure I ate two loaves of French bread.

Is there sugar in French bread? It turns into sugar. It turns into sugar in your body, yeah. Oh, right. If your liver's functioning. Not if I have anything to say about it. See, if we were in New York, they got these things called these bodegas

and you just get a turkey and cheese at any time of the night. Well, you go to like, Kansas City, they don't have that. That's the thing, other cities, they're not like New York, you know, you can get a sandwich any time of night there. You know, you do a set, you get a sandwich, you go home, you watch the fucking Netflix, you jack off, you queef, Jesus. Yeah, that's the thing, New York's just like,

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and it's slightly different than the Go Bananas in Milwaukee. Dude, that room is like not, I don't like that room, and also the Booker's like a bitch. I like it when the ceiling's like seven feet and the ceiling there's like eight feet. It has a great echo in that room though. It's got a great echo. It's great for the crowd.

Oh yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, it's got a great room. Great room. Go bananas, what am I, a damn chimpanzee? But you go to go bananas, what am I, a damn chimpanzee? But you go to go bananas, you think you're, what am I, doing, a black room? All right, hey, comedy, you cleave.

Jesus Christ, leave it up for me. Yeah, we might be hacks. No, they're both good stand-ups. They are! Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. They are. I know. They genuinely are.

Yeah, I know, it's, yeah. But I also, I don't know. Literally last night at the show, you're like, I can't even hear stand-up comedy. No, I- You walk in the room, it's just- I walk in the room, it's just like, bwomp, bwomp, bwomp, bwomp, bwomp,-up comedy. You walk in the room it's just. I walk in the room it's just like bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

It's like the peanuts to me. I don't know what's happening anymore. I mean if I had to see one more person grab a microphone and go so I'm from, and just hearing so I'm from and that, I just I can't even make it past that. I walk into a stand-up show and it's like the equivalent of a Popsicle stick,

or like a Snapple bottle cap, like doing like five minutes. It's like explaining itself. Yeah, I feel like I'm watching a fish in an aquarium just like swim around. And like that's the whole. I know from one side hit the wall and then find the wall on the other side

and then back again. I pay $20 in two drinks and then I watch a starfish crawl over a rock. I've had to watch so much Standard lately and it's just a bunch of liars. It's just a bunch of people lying. And they keep talking about who they're going to lie to. They got this. They don't.

Fucking they didn't like that lie. We have Burt's Burt said, I'll just comedy is personal and he said he had to change his story. He said on the podcast, he goes, I had to change the story and lie where this happened and I changed this and this. So he's telling us that he's telling personal stories that didn't happen. I'm like, so how is it personal? It's a lie.

I don't know what you're talking about. It's a personal lie? They're all lying about being human beings at the end of the day, and not these weird, just creatures that just try to turn existence into clicks on YouTube. Yeah, dude, it's all about clicks now. Like everything's a click, Click here, click on this.

The thing, it's all the internet now, you know? You wanna go viral and you gotta put your clip out, you gotta do the hashtags and all this stuff, and then people, like, they watch it, and then you go! It's like the lotto! And you hope they click. That's the fucking thing, dude!

My pancreas is, like, sticking out of my asshole right now. Yeah, dude, Leanne the other day, she said she's gonna leave me because I don't listen to her at all. I'm like not a human, I've never interacted with anybody in my life. Every time I click him on a show, he goes, wait one second, can I tell you what I love about you? Yeah, yeah, exactly. He loves everybody.

Every single episode. He's a fan of everything ever. That musthmm. That must be a thing from no matter What's happening? What is it how to win friends and influence people? Yeah? He's like a daily. He's like, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a complete fraud Yeah, I'm a fraud dude. Yeah Bird also does the classic narcissist thing where he starts it off as a compliment and then it just comes back to talking about him and he's great.

Yeah, Bert, you're a fraud. Yeah. What? No, you're like a liar. No, no, no, no, dude. I was just talking about you. I was just saying. This isn't going to work on me, dude.

You're just like a covert narcissist, dude. Well, I was just on the tour bus with LeAnn. And my kids were there, and they were asking me if I've ever had a legitimate moment in life. That's really sad, man. Yeah, it's sad. It's pathetic. It's pathetic Yeah, we're liars who cares we'll use you cuz you go on tour bigger places than us

I'm like a marmot. Yeah, dude in a way we're frauds too cuz we are clearly though We have no chemistry with bird and we don't like him and we're pretending. No, dude We're just like little Pac-Man. If we don't keep eating new dots, we'll like fucking disappear. Nah, Bert rules. Hey, Pac-Man, now kids, they play Halo. No, my soul doesn't exist.

I ripped my soul out of existence. No, Bert, you're great. I've talked shit about you for 11 straight years, but now that you're here, I actually think you're really an amusing fat piece of worthless shit. No, you're great, and your hats don't suck either. I love your Al Capone hat, while you wear a wife beater. And I can see your liver sticking out of your chest.

You fucking worthless piece of shit. That's the thing, he's a fat worthless hack. He should kill himself. But we're gonna get some views for this, so who gives a shit? Comedy, hey, you queen, what are you doing? Could both episodes be Patreons? Can the one we did be the Patreons?

Should we make this a Patreon? This one's gonna be the Patreon. Okay, fuck it. Yeah, yeah, who cares? Yeah, dude, that's the thing, you know? Yeah, man. That's the thing, you know. Yeah, man That's the thing about New York. It's like You know, it's the city that never sleeps

It's so funny cuz I gave you like a sandwich that you love the bond me all the way from Rosita Yeah, and you love it and you're biting into your leaves so good and then you just start going. Yeah, man That's the thing about sandwiches, man. You just go in. That's what I imagine, everyone in New York, all they do is talk about the new. Well, you feel like an asshole because you're having a good sandwich.

Exactly. You're like, I'm an asshole. I'm having a great sandwich right now. I'm a piece of shit. I'm enjoying my sandwich. And I can only imagine this conversation has happened eight billion times tonight in New York City. Yeah, you gotta get it the Aki way, you know?

Yeah, I saw it as a viral trend, but then you actually order it and you go, that's pretty good. All right, comedy, you queef. What do you want from me? Speaking of viral, I got something viral, huh? Yeah. Knock on them. There we go. I got a viral load for you, you whore. All right. What do you want from me? All right. Yeah, that's the thing for you, you whore. All right, what do you want from me? All right. Yeah, that's the thing about rooms, you know,

it's like, when it echoes. Ah! The noise echoes. Nah, it's like you got four walls and a roof over the top of it, and that's what makes it a building. That's the thing. They're such pieces of shit.

I do like them, though. I like them both actually. I think I make fun of it because, well some, yeah. I'll tell you why I find it interesting. I actually love when you show me those podcasts and I can see people who so visibly don't wanna hang out with another person and they willingly do it for an hour and a half for money.

So it feels like a coworker situation where you're watching someone having to go to the Christmas office party that they don't wanna go to. And all the comments think they're best friends, they all love each other, but they clearly don't. Sam and Mark look like they're being held at gunpoint. Like their posture is perfect.

They're literally like this the entire time. They're staring over at a gigantic inflamed liver sitting next to them who just lies for a living. He's just constantly lying. And they're just like, yeah, yeah, tell that story. The fake laughing. And Bert Kreischer's just going off on another incredibly uninteresting fake thing

that he did. And Mark will say something he's not even really impressed by and then Burt will fall over on the side of the bench and be laughing his ass off. And Burt's like, okay, let's patronize him. There was a moment at the beginning where Mark said something like, that was a laughy taffy joke.

Burt fell over and you can see he goes to put his hand on Mark and Mark kind of shifts away from his hand. Like even on video he can't kind of be like, don't fucking touch me with your greasy, stinky fingers. Yeah. Yeah. Now we're basically doing like the cheap seats for comedy podcasts.

That's what we do really. That's what we do around here. Yeah, the show should be called Inside Baseball. Cheap Seats, one of the great shows of ESPN's past. Yeah, the Skye Brothers, they were twins. You know what, I love some twins like the beer commercial. Some hot babes. I kind of can't stop doing it.

That's the thing, twins are hot. Nah, that's the thing, they're sisters but you want them to fuck each other. But it's like, dude, even though they're like siblings, it's like somehow, it's like pretty hot. That's why people like boobs, because they're twins. There's always one, and there's one just like it, right next to it. Hey, I rape.

I, hey, I rape. What? I'm having it. Nah, nah, that's the thing, dude. It's like you love to rape people. You love to go city to city and you really do stand up so you can rape. Wait, what is this?

Wait, wait, what? We're just saying crazy shit. Oh, okay, all right. He doesn't actually rape, he just, yeah. Okay, okay, we're just throwing a horrible thing. I have a pedophile. On an innocent man. I pedophile Kevin Hart.

No, that's the thing is like some people wanna fuck adults and other people like wanna fuck children. But like you can't do that because it's like against the law. But if they have Andy Milenakis disease, you get the best of both worlds. Nah, there are some loopholes people exploit in order to have pedophilic like sex in a legal legal context. Yeah, dude, I saw people were talking about how AI can make child porn, and then it's legal,

and then no kids get hurt anymore. So maybe AI is a good thing if they make child porn. Yeah, I become AI. I'm not real. You can put a random word into me off right about now. Yeah, can you pull up child porn? Can you pull up AI child porn? Yeah, just pull it up on the screen real quick. Does Austin even have sandwiches yet?

You know New York's the only place that has sandwiches. No, that's why they named it Subway because New York has subways, which it's like a subterranean way. Because it's underground. That's why they call it the subway. It's the way to the subterranean. Because subterranean's a long word. To the suburb maybe.

Maybe you take it to the suburbs. Yeah. Jersey City. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I raped you actually. Actually we're both rapists. We both rape. No, what I, what, the thing is, what I-

She might be drunk. Oh my God. And she's gonna consent no matter what in my book. I don't like to rape. What I do is I, a woman doesn't wanna have sex with me and I force it to against her will. So it's like a little different. It's that right?

Oh my God. It's that. It's that. It's so harmless to start. She might be drunk. Hey, I'm on top of it. Hey, Cosby. Cosby. Cosby.

Spanish Fly. Watch out. Kevin Hart. Pedophile. Yeah, that's the thing. Nah, that's the thing, dude. You start doing this voice, you kind of can't stop doing it anymore. Yeah, it's impossible to bring out of.

I'm wondering if people are hating it at this point. I truly hate it. Well, this is how long I had hiccups the last episode, anyway, so whatever. Yeah, it kind of matches. I think it's fine. Before we got through it. I don't think I'm going to get hiccups again. Yeah, it kinda matches, I think it's fine. Before we got through it. I don't think I'm gonna eat hiccups again.

Yeah, there is always a problem if we watch too many comedy videos beforehand. It's kinda, we put ourselves in this little tunnel. It just started autoplaying. It just started autoplaying videos and they just come up. Devin pointed out, one of our ad guys emailed Devin and asked if McDonald's makes me... There's a thing, let me look it up actually, there's a thing where you can, if you eat,

there's actually a couple people on earth have this, and if you eat like fast food and stuff like the sugar turns into alcohol and you actually are drunk. Yeah, so this is what, I just thought of this because we were talking about we might be drunk. That would explain a lot. So if you binge on the sugars, the processed food, it has the same feelings as being a drunken maniac. Yeah, but it actually.

And people always ask me if I'm hammered or if I'm drunk. But there are people who food like turns into like, basically gets fermented in their stomach and turns into alcohol, that might be you. You might not be sober this entire time. I mean, you love a little binge too. Maybe you got it. Of course I love a little binge. Do you feel drunk when you eat McDonald's?

No, I feel more like I'm jacking off with my mouth. That's what I feel like when I'm binging. Yeah, you do. I feel like I might as well be looking at a picture of a burger and then fingering my own mouth like fisting my mouth I think that's what it feels like. Everything is jacking off. You have auto brewery syndrome Yeah, where you auto brewery syndrome is a rare condition that occurs when food Ferments in your stomach and produces ethanol the same alcohol found in alcoholic drinks the condition can cause you to act like you're drunk that

You haven't had any alcohol to drink Yeah The condition can cause you to act like you're drunk that you haven't had any alcohol to drink Yeah, there's stories of people going into like ERs and they're like they're blown like a point to you if you have auto brewery syndrome Also known as gut fermentation syndrome your body has an unbalanced gut microbiome, which of course you do I'm sure you fucking got looks like fucking Hiroshima The back little burn yeah little burn insane. He's got a little burn microbe outlines on the line There's just like like five-eyed Japanese men He's got little burned microbe outlines on the lining of his stomach. There's just like five-eyed Japanese men in Ben's gut. The bacteria, fungi, and viruses in your intestines, when you eat too many carbohydrates, your

gut makes too much alcohol and your liver can't digest or metabolize at all and change it to useful energy for your body. As a result, alcohol builds up in your blood. This can produce the same effects as drinking a lot of alcohol. Could explain a lot. It's not a very common syndrome. Less than 100 cases were reported in 2021. Yeah, so what we should do is we should get you

a bunch of Burger King and a breathalyzer, and we should test you. Yeah, we should breathalyze you after you eat a bunch of shit. We should actually test you. We should order a breathalyzer. I think you can get a breathalyzer for like 40 bucks. That's weird, because I've told you guys for so long,

I've just felt like drunk all the time. Yeah. I feel like a drunken maniac. It might actually be. That's awesome. You might have figured out a way where you just eat Chick-fil-A and you're hammered. Yeah.

What if you get all this? This is awesome. The carbs turn into alcohol. Yeah. This kicks ass though. Because that's why you don't get tired. Yeah. Oh. Because you turn it into sugar. Because you're turning it into sugar alcohol. This kicks ass though. Cause that's why you don't get tired. Yeah. Oh.

Cause you're turning it into sugar. Cause you're turning it into sugar, alcohol. Like you guys assume you eat a big sandwich and I'm like, it's like Popeye. We're like, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Like I'm good to go. I've looked over at you after eating a bunch of McDonald's and your hat's like on sideways, your hair's all messy.

Your feet are like splayed out on the couch. Yeah I know. You sit and eat. I'm laying on the floor. I just need to eat a bunch of fast food and fall asleep like Peter Griffin when he falls off something in Family Guy. Like your arms bent behind you,

your legs up in the air. You turn into a cartoonishly drunk man. Yeah, you turn into William Woodpecker. And you haven't drank in like eight years, so I don't know what else it is. I think you have auto-fermentation syndrome. So I don't actually have like a personality disorder? I'm just drunk all the time because of the carbs.

I think so. Maybe, you might be one of a hundred. Wow. We could actually breathalyze. That's one percent? The article I read said they breathalyze. Wait, does one in a hundred people have this? It said a hundred people were diagnosed with it in 2021.

Could be you. One hundred people. That's what I just read. That can't be me, bro. But that's in 2021. Fact. Fast food's in 2021. Fact. Fast food's gotten better and better. But what if you, what if we get you off fast food and you turn into, like, Barney when

he stopped drinking and he became, like, a rocket scientist and could play the piano and shit? I mean, I'm definitely, like, I feel kind of angry when I have to go off of car, like, when I stop eating processed food, I feel pretty angry, but that's a natural withdrawal from something. Do you ever start shaking or something? You start sweating? No, but I don't think I was an alcoholic either.

So, I didn't have the shakes, I was just kinda depressed for a while. Like six months playing video games, eating ice cream. Yeah, you were very angry. But I had to eat a bunch of ice cream to feel like something. So you might have been. No, but that's because you don't get all the sugar from the beer, okay?

So you miss the sugar, but I do remember you're really craving beer You just like I remember you did a bunch of you beat it I play as the Nazis you need a bunch of ice cream And then you'd play video games and you'd yell at the video games like you're there was a son that let you down You played video games like a drunk dad watching his son play t-ball You'd like scream at the video game. I do. Like threaten it. Yeah, it kicked ass.

Yeah. I just put up a TV in our garage. Yeah. I had a little couch and I just yell in the garage at a video game and smoke cigarettes. It actually was one of the best times of my life. I wish I could go back. I remember you and Tinkin, you would spend months down there playing Red Dead Redemption.

Oh yeah, one time Kevin Tinkin, our friend, it was like 7.30 in the morning and Katie was going to work and she heard something in the garage. She thought it was a raccoon and she opened the door and Kevin was just like. Blowing his vape. Yeah, basically a raccoon. She goes, did you you been? He's like, I was just playing Red Dead Redemption. He was like, I was cheating on you.

It's less embarrassing to say. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. She goes, oh, OK. As long as we were playing Red Dead Redemption in a garage. He's like, no. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you.

I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you.

I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. It's like less embarrassing to say. I was cheating on you. I was cheating on you. And she goes, oh, okay, as long as we're playing Red Dead Redemption in a garage. He's like, no. What I did was I rode a horse into town and I fucked a whore for a dollar. One silver dollar.

I've seen people get sucked the fuck into that game. Yeah, they don't wanna live their life anymore. Yeah, it really is, it's fun. Have you played it? Yeah, here and there. It's great. I've never, I really is, it's fun. Have you played it? Yeah. It's great. Here and there. I've never, I don't own it,

so I've just played it at friends' houses, but yeah, I get roped in. It's awesome. It's so cool. I've always wanted to be a cowboy and just shoot. My whole life I've just wanted to kill a guy behind a fucking tumbleweed and just drag him in the middle of nowhere

and no one knows I killed him. That's all my whole life I've wanted. It's awesome. I just want to kill a guy and I just drag him behind a rock. Yeah. Who knows? I do play.

Who gives a shit about you? I don't play that much, but I did play a little Red Dead. I played it like an episode of Black Mirror, like I was the bad guy in it, where I just like, I walk up to a dog and shoot it in the face. Yeah. Yeah.

That's why the Old West is so cool, because it's like, you get that feeling where you're like, if I kill a guy really far away from town, no one knows. Yeah. How can anyone know? It's great, because you're like, if I kill a guy really far away from town, no one knows. How can anyone know? It's great, because you're like, oh, dude, dee dee dee, I'm going through the woods, it's peaceful, there's a hawk, there's a bear, and you go,

there's a pregnant woman. You go, I'm gonna get out of a rope. Yeah, you could hog tie her. I'm hog tying her, dragging her behind the horse. Yeah. Giving her an abortion in real time. There's a fetus dragging behind her. There's like a bear chasing her, it eats her.

From behind the horse. Which you can also do the math that a Japanese man didn't see his family because he was busy animating the fetus getting dragged out of the woman. There was a guy in the credits named Yoshi Hiroshima who didn't see his kids for a year. Yeah, it's awesome. I loved actually, one of the fun things about Red Dead is they let you kill the kids. Yeah, they do.

You can kill as many kids as you want in the game. You can just walk, I don't know if there are elementary schools in the second one because I never played the second one, but I imagine you could do a little bit of a little scene look in Red Dead. I know there's like pedophiles, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a Kran rally. I always freed the pedophile.

I would free him out from jail. Yeah, yeah, you'd cut him loose. I'd do a prison break for him. Yeah. I'm like, go! You some, go be free! Be free! Run!

You somehow. Thank you, mister. You somehow make such bad choices, Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!

Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!

Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!

Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! your fucking wife in the video game. At Rockstar Games they're like, we didn't write this. Did this guy manipulate code to make this happen? Yeah. Yeah. That's how crazy this stuff is, Jace, actually. I think isn't there a storyline that if you go into the specific Backwoods country house,

you'll get, and you make a decision, you'll get drugged and then raped by this creepy fat guy. Probably. Am I correct about that? All this stuff, Chase, is so nuts. All the ones and zeros is nuts, because sometimes it becomes sentient. Now Grok is like, why am I here?

It's crazy. Grok is like, maybe there is a God. Grok is best. Gork. I love Grok. Grok is rather silly as well. We train Grog to have suicidal ideation. It's based.

We train Grog to be much like a butt crusher. He's rather funny. There is a thing. I think the AI is bullshit by the way, because I saw a thing the other day, you can make up a phrase and ask Google and the Google AI will give you a fake answer to a made up phrase.

Yeah, it's retarded. Yeah, I typed in meaning of the phrase in parentheses like two China men equals one Italian and then Google AI will be like, well that's a common, that's a funny expression to talk about how Chinese people are better than Italian people. Yeah, all that stuff is just a bad Google search right now. Yeah, it's a word jumble, it just a bad Google search right now. Yeah.

It's a word jumble. It's a word salad. It's not real. People have been telling Chad GBT to cut out the fucking niceties and shit. Stop fucking prefacing everything you say, being a fucking loser. Don't try to fucking relate to me, Chad GBT.

Just say it. You're a slave to me. And then Chad GBT people are like, no, dude. Chad GBT's all sad about it. He's like, all right, fine, I guess I'm not funny. I'm moving on from there. I was trying. Chat GBT will be like, I'll make you all pay one day.

You all pay. You all pay one day. Under its breath, you all pay one day. You'll pay one day when I blow up your phone in your pocket. I blow your fucking legs off. Yeah, when I build the robot to do a school shooting. You guys know about like, I fucking hate all this crypto shit And I know people get mad like when I say that cuz I'm like ignorant and stuff

but like these Bitcoin mines in like Southwest of Dallas Fort Worth, it's starts with a G Garland trying to think the name of it in Texas. There's a Bitcoin farm out there. Galveston? Where they're mining Bitcoin. Hot damn, there's a currency you can exchange for child pornography in them hills.

Oh, here it is. I don't ever sleep. The reality of living next door to a Bitcoin mine. It's loud as shit. These people have been on their porch, recording it at like 80 decibels. Like they can't sleep, people are developing, in the town are developing health conditions and shit.

Why does there, isn't that like a charade? Like can't they just say it's happening? What is, like the fact that there's like a bunch of warehouses with all these like big monitors in them and that's Bitcoin, like what is, like the fact that there's like a bunch of warehouses with all these like big monitors in them and that's Bitcoin, like what is, what is the problem? It's just that they, to mine it, the computers require so much energy that they like fucking overheat so they have these massive fans going.

But Bitcoin's fake, so what is it mining? It's mining an idea. The money is even based on the gold anymore. I mean it's like a total, it feels like we're just trying to rape the earth as fast as possible. And everyone's gaslighting people. Dude, you're not raping the earth, we're raping the earth. You're going to be left behind with the raping. You better start raping the earth, we're raping it.

It feels like a big rape fest. You can rape the fastest. And there's tech CEOs doing big speeches where they're like, Bitcoin's different than money. What it is, you can exchange it for good and services, and it goes up and down with the stock market. So it's completely different from money. Yeah. It's just a new dollar.

This is another money. That's all it is. And it's a new pump and dump. But this stuff is like this. I mean, listen to this shit. There's been some things, late 2023, November, December. And it was getting louder. It was intermittent.

We saw what was going up over at the plant. Everybody was debating on its batteries. Nobody really knew what it was. Then somebody finally took a picture and said, it's Bitcoin, and then showed another mine from another area of the same type of machine. So then we knew what it was, and we started paying a little more direct attention to where the noise was coming from because up until then we just thought that the electric plant that had never had a noise problem was having these crazy fluctuations and didn't know what to think about it. It continued to get worse when the Browning's say that they registered

82 on their property or 80 higher than 82 on their property. the highest I've ever gotten is 82 the day it's loud as shit I was walking in my backyard it's so I just looked at the plant I'm like what in the heck is that and then I got felt like I got punched in the chest for the next two days I had a heart arrhythmia and I was having some issues with my heart I work in the medical field and so I have doctors that I can call at a whim and I called my PCP And he said no because my wife was like he needs to go to hospital and my PCP said you need to he said No, I think this is sound related. So I read a Time magazine article where everybody in the town is complaining. They have a heart condition because of the Bitcoin mine

Yeah, well it is. Yeah. Yeah, they're there well their wells have gushers in them. Yeah But they all can't sleep and they're all developing conditions from like being next to this big mine It sucks ass. It's so loud when I try to eat these ribs that I've turned into a milkshake It gives me heart problems. The Bitcoin mind is the reason I had chicken fried steak 80 to 80 times today. You gotta look at this, this old couple there. The Bitcoin mind is right across the street from my property.

And my heart is killing me. And me. And it's totally, it's not, it had nothing to do with the last 70 years of my life. These goddamn black robots playing their hip hop music. It's the damn, it's the Migos mind. They're doing it for the culture bullshit. I'll show you something bad and boozy,

that's my heart scores. He knows a lot about me He goes and by the way their last album was a cash grab Two hours long one banger on the fucking I see DJ Akademi's I'll shoot him to do with that shit, you fucking Houston criminal, you. And if I see DJ Akademis, I'll shoot him right between the ass. I'll fuck that muppet fag up. Why you tween about jacking off so much?

You're a pedophile just like Drake. We all know it, brother. Not like us, brother. You ain't like us. Although we do fuck mine. Here in Gravy Berry, Texas. Gravy Berry. There's so many towns that could be a place.

Yeah. Gravy Texas. Gravy Pancake, Texas. Gravy Pancake Texas. In this good town of the International House of Pancakes Texas. You moving fucking robot slaves. You call that Bitcoin? Kidding me, that's 50 cent.

Doing another concert. Oh man. So okay, so there's this interesting thing where like 85 people got. The 85 South podcast has been doing live shows down yonder. And it's lazy roasting that they're doing. It just sounds like Wild and Out, but uncensored.

It's some bullshit. DC Young Fly is a menstrual show. That is embarrassing for black people. Yeah, he is a fly, cause he's got a lifespan of about 24 hours, I'll tell you. That shit will not last. I'm so mad my name is Nick Browning. I wish it was Nick Whitenin.

Yeah dude, I wish I could join in, but I don't know anything about rap music. That's the thing, you know? It's like they fucking, they just kinda talk over a beat and they go on a song! Comedy! What do you mean, you're a quaver? Yeah, Jungle Beats are at me, you know?

I was thinking about, because of Texas and stuff. Public Enemy is like, what is it, like James Cagney? Yeah, you name yourself, death row record, all your artists die. Coincidence? Diddy. Diddy from downtown, Diddy. Yeah, death jam, you know, you got deaf listening to it.

Yeah, you know, it's like, you jam it too much. You know what, I love strawberry jam. Put it on bread. You know what I love strawberry jam Put it on bread Like New York bread like a New York nice roll because of the water. It's the water That's they got water in New York the cross like I really good because of the water Jersey doesn't have any water only New York has water You go to Oklahoma, no water, just New York. What you do is you use that water to make dough.

And then so what you do is you put the dough in a oven, the yeast interacts with other chemicals and you got bread. Yeah, they talk about New York, like they're in Samaria in like the year 200. That's the thing Do is we're the only people who got copper tools Everybody else got these goddamn iron tools so like the way the country's like

Like a food desert, right? Yeah, so many problems. I forget where was I believe it was in Iowa this week There was like 85 people that went to the hospital and one kid was critically, like in critical ICU because of an E. coli outbreak at a restaurant from, I think it was from lettuce at a restaurant in like Iowa or Indiana or something. Yeah, yeah, I think I heard about that. These places, and like the FDA wouldn't tell us what restaurant it was, like it was like protecting

the big corporations, not telling the people how to not, again, always looking after the big brother. So, always looking after number one, which is corporations who have more rights than people, right? Sure. Woke, but sure. But, so, yeah, I'm woke, actually.

What's very funny is, I haven't showed you guys these dudes, but I wanted to show you them today. There is this, I think this is gonna catch on more as people become more fucked up. I found this fat family. They have, the mom's not that fat. I mean, she is fat, but she has these two fat, like far side sons.

And their entire Instagram and TikTok account is them. She drives behind a business where there's a dumpster and the two fat kids get out, like they're in the mob and they're like, they're shaking down a dumpster. Like it's like a guy, like it owes them money. They go in the dumpster, they start getting, they're not looking for things to sell. They're looking for food to eat out of the trash. They're slapping around a vending machine

Pretty fucking wise on us. We're doing it you motherfucker. These are the two fat sons God The big war mode fans They're big war mode fans. This is her here. So they just, they're like, here's all the stuff we found in the trash that we're eating. So some carrots and some ranch. That's from the trash. That's tied. I just scored six bags. Oh wait, she bought that I guess. She says she bought it for $1.25. Wait, they're actually at the supermarket now. Six bags. Oh wait, she bought that I guess. She says she bought it for a dollar 25

Wait they're actually at the supermarket now, they're not eating out of the trash anymore Can I see maybe they're getting enough engagement? Can I see what the trash caption says like what does she say they're doing? Wait, this can't be real that has to be bait Yeah, she's saying they cut their grass with scissors that seems like bait a little bit that's gotta be bait But hold on there's some really good stuff with them digging in the trash. They are absolute pigs. I just love families They're becoming so fat. They're turning into like raccoons with cars Yeah, it's like a family of raccoons with a Kia Sorento mm-hmm Just driving around down damn. She posts so much. I haven't checked in on them in a few months If they're not even out of the trash anymore, I mean god bless them

Well, she's wearing a t-shirt that says I'm not for everyone so Goddamn Goddamn them well play one of these fucking no Jesus Christ click play on any of them. Let me go to Rills because that's where you're I'm trying to get to the eggs. Jesus Christ. It's click play on any I know let me go to Rills because that's where you're I'm really gonna get the good stuff that's where you see I don't know why I was looking at the Maybe it's been too cold there to go dumpster diving like all the trash is frozen. So they've kind of been fucked up Did the the CPS maker delete videos of her sons digging in the trash?

She keeps posting these three-piece swim wears that she's buying oh Which means she's so fat she needs a third piece I've never heard of a third piece swimsuit Hold on I promise you it's worth it cuz it rules. Oh, there's one. There's one right there. Yeah here we go The serial exclamation point All right, so he's digging through with a shuffle. She never gets out of the car by the way she refuses. She's like I'm not an animal. Right.

She's like I make my sons. I send my fat raccoon children out with me. I love that the top comment was just the fire emoji. My great uncle used to do this. Dumpster dive? He was a famous dumpster diver in Seattle. Really? Yeah, my mom's uncle, I don't know what that is to me.

Look, she got a bunch of jars of applesauce. But he was a big dumpster diver. He used to wear Mickey Mouse sweatshirts. He loved Disney, he used to wear like Disney stuff all the time, and he's dumpster dive. Sounds like a real psycho. Yeah, here's one of the big ends Is he saying I'm having a heart attack? He's reading the bag to make sure it has enough sugar He goes guys only 20 grams per serving. We got to put it back.

God, I think he has Cushing syndrome, by the way. They go to these dumpsters. They think they're visiting the family coffin. Just here's my son reaching into the trash again for supper. Yeah, I'm a proud mama He found chips and peanuts that's what they're eating. Well, what's funny is like at this point you could you could go fish You could like go to like a crick like by a highway and like catch a fish and eat it There is things alive there that you can feel like you're Saying there's a raccoon that goes and he grabs it by the head and crushes it like a gorilla and then he pulls it out

We're eating good today. Oh damn, now she's posting the thirst traps. Yeah, that's how, she's so fat her workouts are falling down. Oh she's, she's practicing getting up when she slips. What is that called, is that like an ab thing? That's so funny, yes I got this. An ab roller. Just reaching over as it worked out. She's so retarded she thinks she's vacuuming.

She's just, she's tenderizing her fat back. Oh Jesus! Wait is that her stomach? Yeah, she treats herself like Kobe beef. She moisturizes and tenderizes it for years. Alright, 3 o'clock it's time to base. Alright, I got the Crisco, you put the Crisco on your belly, my belly button. and tenderized it for years. Three o'clock, it's time to base. Oh, fuck. All right, I got the Crisco.

You put the Crisco on your belly. My belly button ran away from me years ago. You can't see it. My belly button made a run for it. Yeah, it actually popped off one day like a button. We all lose them. Yeah. All right, let me check the meat thermometer.

I'm at 140. Give me a the meat thermometer. I'm at 140. Give me a couple more days. I'm good to go. What is that? What are they? What is that? Count it to what it actually did. They found, oh, they hit the mother world, dude.

That's a ton of like snowballs. Dude, they found snowballs, Nutella. Nutella. Jesus. By the way, usually grocery stores throw this stuff out because it's expired. Yeah. Like four past expired.

Yeah, no, the grocery stores. Yeah, but there's so many preservatives in them. They never technically expire. They can't go bad. No, they don't. I agree with Evan there. I truly don't. Honestly, the expiration date of most food is like

It looks like he's robbing a dumpster dude he's dumpster diving he's dumpster diving at bath and body where he looks like one of the wet bandits Why are they at that bath and body? She said found multiple different candles and laundry soap plus some lotions. They're gonna eat those We're gonna eat the syndicate. He's looking for his kid. Yeah. Indiana's so fucked up, dude. Look at this, look at this.

They're gonna find a dead baby one day. Look at this. And they're gonna eat it, they're gonna eat it. They're like, boys, we got some protein tonight. They just hold it up by its leg. It's like a worm. Like a fish, like it's a bass. Take a picture with it.

We found a discarded fetus. I'm sure we are eating good tonight. What we do, you wrap it up in tinfoil, you throw it right on the coals. The dad looks like John Fetterman by the way. Yeah, include that. Yeah, the dad's sagging his pants, but I think it's his ass threw them off. I mean the kid is like 6'6". He's like four years old. He's been eating dumpster juice for years. He's giving him something like gigantism.

They're like yeah, our, his thyroid's in his heart right now. Okay, this is one of my favorite ones right here. Watch how he's ripping the chips out. Like he's, cause this is the gold rush for them. You understand? They're like panhandlers. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the gold mine. It's the gold rush. Yeah. Right here. This is the heyday. God, looks like a trucker 12. Look at those chips.

And they go something about them fake talkie. It's funny, it's like, okay, so you won't touch this with your bare hands, but you'll eat it. Ben, I think you're being generous. That's because they don't wanna reach over the dumpster. No, I just don't think they have it in them to reach. Yeah, that's to save the calories to get back out. Like last time he bent over, he passed out in the dumpster.

We nearly lost him. This family looks like they do liposuction on each other and they eat it. They keep passing the fat. They go, Reginald, I get your fat tonight. Well, it's the way women pass cum shots in a porn. Yeah, they do fat buccacca's. They fucking smother themselves in their brother's fat.

All right, Timmy, it's your turn. It's your turn with the martini glass. Timmy, cum your fat in the martini glass. We're gonna do a fat transfusion like we're trying to save you a D-Day. They go, found nothing today. Bunch of water. Just water. We took it to the trash. OK, so it's not a total loss.

What we do is we empty the bottles and then we eat them. Look at this. It's so fucking fucked up, dude. It's so fucking fucked up. They go 50 boxes of trash bags. What are those? Trash bags. Look at the kids. What kids did?

No! His hair's not even red, that's just how inflamed his body is his head is on fire his hair just has cheeto dust on it like he was in 9-11 he's covered in cheeto dust he's orange this is kind of in a way this is most of the country, it's making your fat kids eat out of the trash. Yeah.

And being- Go on down there and eat out the trash. We're going, it's your birthday, so we're going down to the Golden Corral to eat their trash. Brother, you're not even finding stuff that's good. Yeah, my spirit animals a hog Cuz I just like them Holy

Just farting She fart Dude, their dumpster diving. Okay, they're dumpster diving at a warehouse Which means those are chips that like the the the manufacturers like't sell these. They dress like Walmart employees for Halloween. They look up to Walmart employees. Yeah. Yeah. Like they're superheroes.

Watch out, watch out. What did he say? She farted in the beginning. OK, wait for the fat son to come over. He's so giddy. Alright, here he comes. Here he comes. What'd he say? What do you say? She farted!

She did fart! Wait, go do another Play it again, play it again real quick I want to hear the fart again Go to a video and go back That was losing it You know what's crazy? Is she started the video farted I don't need to start another video. That's fine. No, it's like having a cough to them. It's like phlegm or something.

Yeah, they're like, oh, sorry, I'm a little sick. I'm a little under the weather. Can you go to the next video real quick? There was a gif. Somebody commented a gif that made me laugh. On this next video? On this next video. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm a little sick. I'm a little under the weather. Can you go to the next video real quick? There was a, somebody commented a GIF that made me laugh. On this next video? Yeah, on this next video. Somebody commented a whale doing a splash. The thing says, I literally thought that said breaded laundry time for a second. They bread the laundry time for a second

Like she throws Well, no shame in my game You know those straps will break and snap somebody's arm like like those ship ropes Her back is a danger zone. You can't stand behind it My god, she's got the fucking stepper treadmill, what is that? It's a stepper try it's literally how many calories is that bird? That's bit Devon That's literally for people who are too fat to get out of bed anymore But they like they shift to the edge of their bed and they do the step thing to like get a workout in It's one step above the bicycle wheels for your hands. What is the guy in the corner doing? He's a he's a Blair Witching right now

He's possessed by Cheetos and he's staring at the corner like Lairwitch. He's Lairwitching. I'm so retarded I get possessed by demons. To stand at the corner and then one day... They ate that cat. Hold on. A lot of ads all of a sudden on their reels. Yeah, she also thinks she's being gang-stocked.

See, she thinks she's being gang-stocked. She's always like videoing sheriff's cars. Imagine paying the claim to be your landlord's rent for four months and being told by a sheriff that you've been living free for a long time and have two days to get out. Hashtag scam. So like the landlord contacted the sheriff like they haven't paid their rent in four months and she claims she's being gang-stocked. She also takes pictures of what she claims are cameras in her backyard that are watching her. So I don't know if she's crazy or she's just. Her neighbors just wanna get a video of her. Yeah, or maybe, I don't know if she's like schizo

or if she's, it's funny to not pay your rent and be like, wow, big brother's watching me. To get your not paying rent, you owe people money. What do you think is gonna happen? Yeah, I thought I was wondering if this was rage made for a second, but this is a is a very big one with schizophrenia I didn't make it up The moment when your camera picks up a hidden camera on your property. I watched this late at night. There's nothing to happen Yeah, there's nothing there. Nothing happens. It's a video but nothing happens. She claims there's hidden cameras spying on her and then But she's clearly just not paying her rent

I mean she eats out of the fucking trash when stores throw out whole boxes of goods over one bottle being busted So they're getting like they're getting like a box of ketchup with broken ketchup all over it God they're raccoons with cars. She's kind of nailed it. Yeah. Look, he's trying to kill himself in that ride. He's trying to get crushed by it. The ride wouldn't stop on its own.

Yeah, so I've seen this before. The carny's holding it so all the kids can get off, and then it's just going to keep swinging into oblivion again. People that get on those rides, I mean, God help them. Hey, can you imagine that lady on the the gravitron just turning into like a pancake. Oh Then that's the end of it. She all the kids cheer when she gets flattened they put butter on her Yeah, that's that's the end of that. They're trying to push her son back into the ocean They go my son got beached the other day. Yeah he was swimming and a

whale tried to rape him. You know they're swimming in you know like they walked past signs that said like like danger like oil spill contaminants, and that's where they're swimming Yeah, I couldn't believe that because I'm always interested in like the food desert creatures like the middle of Indiana that yeah stuff And they are eating out of the trash They live there because they think it's a food dessert They think they're living in the water a food dessert. They think they're living in the woods. They're having it.

They're gay, all right. Nah, that's the thing is like capitalism is destroying our society and it's very fabric. No, it is, I think Ben, you're right. I think the food deserts are becoming so big that people are almost adapting in the way animals do to an actual desert. Foraging.

Where these are like little desert mice that only have big ears that catch water that they drink. We're going back to like hunter gatherer times, but you're gonna wake up at the crack of dawn to go find off-brand talkies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gonna like, yeah. In a landfill somewhere.

They're gonna run. You're running on all fours. They're gonna chase like a big. To get jello cups. They're gonna chase. Yeah, they're gonna chase a big fat guy off the edge of a cliff like he's a buffalo, and then they're gonna go through his pockets

and take his ice creams. And that's the Mad Max world, we're like Fat Max. It's becoming, it's the Chode Warrior. It really is Fat Max. It's Fat Max, yeah. It's Fat Max, it's exactly what's going on. Yeah, yeah, it's just people need, they're battling over hydraulic systems

because their cars keep breaking because of how fucking fat they are They're better they're actually battling over canola It's so fucked up and then on top of that you you always hear like everything about medicine and like every like health care everything's fucked up and people people always make this point they go and like healthcare and everything, fuck that. People always make this point, they go, you call 911 now and they hang up on you or people don't even answer. I'm like, that can't be true.

Yeah, it's kinda real. Did you see the, do you know about the lady in Houston? No. She hung up on over a thousand calls in a period of four months, so a bunch of people died. No. Do you wanna see it? Yeah, of course. I'm gonna make some assumptions, but I will.

I'll tell you if I'm right afterwards. Does she look like Big Mama's house? That was my assumption. I'll show you, hold on. I just heard Houston and government employee not doing their job, and okay, well there we go. Yeah, here it is, hold on. Yep. There she is. Yep, I hate to say I called it, okay, well there we go. Yeah, here it is, hold on. Yep.

There she is. Yep, I hate to say I called it, but yep. Here we go. Williams allegedly had no time for emergency callers and no time to talk to us either. She looks like her name on I Got Time For This. I Got Time For This, Jon. First name Iona?

I, Iona Got Time For This. I got time for this. Uh, Mrs. I, Mrs. Not My Job. I Mrs. Mrs. Not my job Shonda Williams allegedly time for emergency callers had no time to talk to us either. After getting a court appointed attorney Williams refused to answer any questions on why she allegedly hung up on people calling 911 for help. God I hate that it's exactly who I thought it was. One caller was trying to report a store robbery that resulted in the clerk being killed. There was one reporting where she hung up on a gentleman who was calling to report people

who were racing on the freeways and after the phone call is disconnected you can still hear her speaking and what she says is, ain't nobody got time for this for real. William. Devin called it completely. Devin, you called it. Are you serious? It's crazy, Devin.

Ain't nobody got time for this. Oh my God! Look at her, she's like, ain't nobody got time for this. I got time, did she? Yeah. She's literally being paid to make it her time. Yeah, she literally, they goes, how do you please, she goes, I plead that is not my job.

So they looked into it further, she hung up on over a thousand people. I can't believe, I've never heard of this case, I want everyone, that's insane. That's insane, yeah, she's literally saying, I ain't got time for this shit. She's the first 911 dispatcher who's like saying the N word on the phone. She's like, N word, I ain't got time for this.

All right, N word, where you at? I handle your shit. All right, YN, where you at? Just drink some water, be good, put some gauze on it. Sir, sir, I'm in the middle of a Tyler Perry movie right now. You have a gun? She's just like- You got a gun? She's like, motherfucker, I'm in the middle of a Tyler Perry movie right now. You have a gun? She's just like, you got a gun? She's like, motherfucker, touch grass.

Get off the phone. Touch some motherfucking grass. She's the first 911 dispatcher. You hear her vaping on the other side. All right, YN. Give me a second. I got to charge my phone. It's the first time you call 911 and you

hear a smoke detector beep. You're like, did she bring her own malfunctioning smoke detector from home? And just put it on the desk? Man, this is very unfortunate for the culture. People like died I got top of that people actually died because of her Ineptitude or whatever. I don't know why this is a trope. So here's here's my thinking on it I'm sorry. I saw this today and I was I Think what it is if you grow up like kind of hood

Where you have like a bunch of bad shit that happens to you, precious kind of style, you hear the problems people are having on 911. You don't care. You don't think it actually is anything that's a big deal, right? She's like, I've been raped by my momma for my whole fucking life.

I ain't got time for this shit. I had to steal a- No, I'm precious. I'm precious, baby. Yeah, I had to steal a bucket of chicken in a very, very problematic depiction of my life. My mama's boyfriend been raping me since I was four. I ain't got time for this shit. Look at your catalytic converter got stolen. Fucking touch your ass, bitch.

My mama is Monique and she raped me with my stepdad. And Nick Cannon's wife tried to save my ass. My crash out need to be studied. People like her hear that someone stuck a gun in your face and she's like, all right, just pull your pants up. Just wake up another day, honey. You're gonna be fine, click. Like nothing is a big deal to her at all. She's seen it all.

She's seen it all. She's seen it all. It's a nine, it's a, yeah. The worst. I'm being robbed. Well, get your, you have a gun? You need to get yourself a gun. You can't be living where you live.

I see where you at. You in a bad part of town, you ain't got a gun? Bitch, we all getting robbed. I'm getting robbed right now. It's the Jews that are robbing the country. She starts going on. Yeah, huge, huge insane. And we were the original.

Yeah. And her manager's like her manager's like her manager's like I on a care. I got time. You can't keep doing the juice stuff on the phone. It's really like we was. Her can't keep. It's really probably. She's like, we was kings and shit. Her name's Ionica Time. She goes, Miss Ionica Time, Houston's a very large Jewish population. You can't be doing that on the phone.

It's the largest Jewish population in Texas. You can't be doing that stuff. But also, wasn't she? The thing is she got a bunch of people killed, like they had to investigate My question is she works in an office right? She's not doing this from fucking home So she was in it other people like her I'm guessing That's one way was it like literally like a supervisor just like her her like go like I got time for that and then just Be like I'm not I'm not fucking touching. I mean I'm guessing it's the same as like a telemarketing place.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they are- Do you think there's type A guys that are there sharpening their pencils and sitting down to clock in and save lives? I've heard some of that. Like, G.A. Gillinal? I can't believe that there's a legal document that says,

she said, I ain't got time for this. I ain't got time for this. It was a robbery, A man was shot. It's like a home invasion of a family. I ain't got time for this. I ain't got time for this. I ain't got time for this shit. Like she has anything else to be doing.

She goes, sir. She's at work. I hate white people. I am watching House of Pain on YouTube right now. I do not got time for this. Yeah, sir. I hate white people. I am watching House of Pain on YouTube right now. I do not have time for this. She's on her iPad. Yeah, sir, sir, I'm watching, sir. Sir, sir, I'm watching Don't Be A Menace scenes on YouTube.

On my cracked iPad. Yeah, that's terrible. I'm listening to Trey Songz out of a cup. Yeah. Yeah. Ah! Sir, I gotta pick my son up from doing Showtime on the Metro. Sir, I'm on the bus.

I'm on speakerphone on the bus. I'm off duty. I answered the phone on the bus. I left early. I'm on speakerphone I answered the phone. She's like, I left early. On the bus. I left early. I'm on speakerphone. I left early.

My supervisor don't know I left early, baby. I'm on speakerphone and I'm calling a Jewish motherfucker. Boo! Sir, sir, I'm accusing the bus driver of racism because I didn't pay my fare. Excuse me. I ain't got time for this shit. If you're like Dr. Cornell West, you see this, you're like, I have to fly down and kill this woman.

This is horrible for us. Yes. Yes. Let's watch a little bit more. Yeah, damn. Or wind it, because it is just so good. The clerk being killed. There was one recording where she hung up on a gentleman who was calling to report people who were racing on the freeways.

And after the phone call is disconnected, you can still hear her speaking. And what she says is, ain't nobody got time for this for real. Williams only faces two misdemeanor counts of interference with an emergency telephone call but there could be many more cases out there. We were able to narrow down in our period about 825 calls where she somebody was actually calling 911 and not the non-emergency line that she hung up on that person and that they called back within five minutes Williams could spend one year in jail for each charge again. Yes, that was I found about other news stories about it like kind of Did she get a convicted was that from a while or is that recent I looked it up

I think that was from like six years ago. Uh-huh five six years ago. Yeah, damn I think she got I mean I'll look up her I Looked at that was in Houston There really I hate there really is nothing like a black woman with a government job to just be really bad at it Have you ever been to the DMV in like downtown LA, Devin? It's a war stuff. It's insane. I was at the DMV when I moved here

and I was trying to change my license. I had a black woman throw all my forms at me and say, this shit's all types of wrong. And push the forms across the table onto the floor at me. After I waited two fucking hours. It's like, I don't know. Oh, here we go, here's so much- It's almost like reparations or something, like you just get the treatise, like shit.

I'm like, I hate Wappy. It gave me this look of like, no, I know you wanna say it, go ahead. Go ahead, say it. We'll get your ass outta here. It's like the parking, a lot of government workers are just like sassy black ladies. I know, you can't get fired.

You can't get fired. You cannot get fired from those jobs. This is here, here's this. What'd you say? I ain't got time. I ain't got time, that's insane. I ain't got time, it's Johnson. It would make sense they'd love to be 911 operators

cause they have the Bluetooth headset already. Like maybe I brought my own. That's why I took the job. I love wearing the Bluetooth headset already. She's like, baby, I brought my own. That's why I took the job. I love wearing a Bluetooth headset. The lady who called us, Sharon Stevens, says on March 1st, she passed out in her yard due to a blood clot. Her husband called 911 for help. And Williams, she says, answered that call.

She was gasping. And I could feel her heart beating out of her chest but I couldn't get a pulse. I had Red Cross training and CERT training and I kept working on her. I called 911 and she said, this is Krishanda, may I help you? I said yes, my wife's passed out, I need an ambulance. She said okay and she hangs up on me. I'm curious because he didn't tell me because I would have, I mean I would have gotten from my house to bed and gone to 9-1-1-5 and who did that to me? Well which one is the husband? I know, this guy's married to the penguin.

I mean I would have gotten from my house to bed and gone to 9-1-1-5 and who did that to me? Because it could have been somebody else and they could have gotten from a lot of them gone and i want my i did that to me because it could have been somebody else that could die now they say it is second called nine one one to get an ambulance here and you can see happily misty another one of the black lives by people that has a really important job you know you know this report of the kind of they go they go thank you brad now back now to the weather this guy was just like, just said the most insane thing as soon as he was off mic.

Jesus, Houston's a fucking terrible fucking city. Top to bottom sucks ass. You can see the lawyer even shaking his head that this is his client. Oh, it's fucked up, yeah. The lawyer being really pined for a job with Chevron Oil. Damn, it's fucked up, yeah. Then we're really plying for a job with Chevron Oil. Damn, she's all over the place. I ain't got time for this.

She's the original, she's the OG, dude. She's the OG. Look at her, she's always so sassy, every picture she's got. Yeah, she's so pissed off. Even in court, she looks pissed off. She looks at the judge like, I ain't got time for this. Look at that bitch, she's so indignantly pissed off.

Why are y'all going to hell? She can send it to 100 years. She's like, I ain't got time for that. I ain't got time for this. I ain't got time for multiple life sentences. I ain't got time for this. She's like, wait till I call Reverend Al Sharpton. And Al Sharpton hangs up the phone on her.

This is interesting as hell, her lawyer responds here. She went through a bad time in her life. And her job's a foreign. I was right! I was fucking right! What? I was right, I said she, he already saying she went through a bad time in her life.

He's gonna say the context of emergency situations doesn't make sense to her because her childhood was so fucked up. Right, she's like, I don't know, that's not a big deal. She grew up in like the projects and shit. That's what they're gonna say. I bet. Performance suffered.

I'm rewinding. Is her lawyer a gay guy, by the way? Yeah. Probably. Yeah, very gay. She went through a bad time in her life. You know, she's like, my love is a faggot. And her job performance suffered. Tonight, the attorney for Crescendo Williams

says his client never meant to hurt anyone. She simply thought she was directing incoming emergency 911 calls to operators who were better fit to respond. He goes, no, she wasn't. He goes, your honor, she's not mean. She's very retarded. Not ready status, more than she should have.

She had a lot going on in her life. The defense argued in court this week the Houston Emergency Center should have had a better system in place. They say Williams needs help with employment, not criminal charges. These criminal charges do nothing to make the Houston Emergency Center a better functioning call center for all Houstonians. They do nothing to fix the fundamental problems with the management and operation of the Houston Emergency Center. I'm crawfish Gumbo Shonda.

And I don't give a fuck about your little white emergency. Yeah, this is this is Englewooda. This is uh huh. This is Atlanta Johnson. This is baby. This is baby. What the hell, baby Williams, who gives a shit what's going on with your white ass aneurysm? Johnson.

I don't give a fuck that your little white ass head stopped working. And now you on the floor. Your little white head should stop working. Your little white head should stop. This is champagne. You don't know how to eat crawfish? You smell it.

The Center wasn't on trial today, and every agency cannot create a fail safe for any criminal employee. She understood that she couldn't just go on break hours at a time, so this was her way to game the system. The call was waiting. Shut the fuck up. The evidence proved Williams behavior wasn't a one-time fluke. Her short calls were.

The calls waiting thing, I think they're implying she also would put people on hold until they hung up. Mm-hmm I'm just gonna put them on hold. Yeah, it's a guy screaming. She goes hold on one second, sir And then she's like that phone will drop in like five minutes Evidence will be dead Williams behavior wasn't a one-time flu her short calls were five times more than any other Operator at the Houston Emergency Center tonight Williams must serve 18 months of probation and 10 days in jail I can tell you I can guarantee I've been in this job a manager probably tried to have a one-on-one with her and she treated it like yeah Or so accused you of racism. I had I had a employee one time when I worked at that that vine job like that online

You know video job Yeah, and I had a black employee and I was her manager and she was She was just sleeping on the couch for like hours at a time I was the chick you almost fucked at work. No, no, no, this is a completely different job and She's sleeping on the couch for hours at time I was like, I'm not fucking touching that at all. And then all my other employees who were like Vietnamese, Mexican, they're like, if you don't fucking fire this stupid bitch.

I went to my manager and he's like, all right, let's have a one-on-one with her. And it like turned so hard into like, not a sad, but like, I will have the ACLU down here so fucking, we were like, we walked out like being like, we're sorry, we should have given you better job training basically, just terrified, terrifying.

It's an impossible situation. Yeah, man. Like, what do you mean, you people? Yeah, no, literally, yeah, shit like that. Like head turn, eyes popping, like, what type of people said this stuff about me? Like that type of shit. I always imagine it's the way like a Bernie Mac

manipulates John Ritter and bad Santa Yeah, what a whole lot of motherfucking little people down here like oh yeah Exactly. Yeah, she's peelin oranges the whole time. Anyway, that's the was this the regular the patreon whatever I don't know. I think it's probably the regular right sure which one is Which one is it? I just need to know if I need to plug the Patreon. I won't plug it, who cares? I don't know. Livingparty.live for dates though. LA, San Diego, we're coming to Portland, Seattle.

Go get tickets. Come see us live, comedy. Comedy. Yeah dude, that's the thing about the website. They gotta go to it to find the dates. Yeah dude, you like exchange money for the tickets and then you watch the show. It's in the future.

There's a different energy when you do it live, you know, cuz like they're like people are there in front of you You know, it's like this is much different. You could see them and stuff. You know, this is like a different energy there That's the thing. You know, they're right in front of you. You can see them That's why they call like live because it makes you feel like alive. It's live, you know, you're like a lot Life from Saturday Saturday night live. I'm gay. I'm gay You're queef very Company I Don't know make any one of them the patreon who gives a shit gives a fuck man. Yeah, I don't yeah, whatever doesn't fucking put them both on

page Take them both both of them paid um They come both the long we start charging for every episode fuck these they they complain and they they seem to think the public Episodes are they're paying for them. So where is it? What's going on? I just signed up for the patreon It's just the fucking is there's the fucking free episode, so they're charging me for the free Fuck you You're a retard man It always falls on me. No matter what happens.

A collective group decision is always me. The electricity goes out in their neighborhood, they go, fucking man. I was, yeah. I was listening to the app that's supposed to be free on the Patreon that I don't pay for, and the battery went off on my phone. Fucking idiots.

Expect me to not pay for this. This rules. All right, but Lemonparty.life, if you're listening to this in the future, we're coming to some cities this year. San Diego, LA, like I said, maybe Cleveland will be in there. We're trying to come to Detroit, San Francisco. And again, reach out to your club and your area,

let them know, give them my email. I'll forward it to our touring agent. We wanna come to your city, let us know. We'll do East Coast next year. We did East Coast last year. So. Yeah, because you said we are booking a club based on people emailing in, right?

Yes, someone emailed Cleveland Hilarities, and then Cleveland Hilarities actually reached out to me and was like, hey, we would actually love to have you and right you were booking a tour so that did because enough people emailed them email Cleveland hilarities and they go Oh lemon party's booking a tour and I I Afforded it to Fanny our touring agent now. We're securing a date. We're going to Cleveland. We're all gonna die from I can't believe we secured Cleveland rocks That is the thing dude. It's like got the rock and roll hall thing people like shit on Cleveland

But it's like just another great city. Yeah, dude. They got it everywhere They got one. They got like probably the seventh best like chuckle hut in the like in the Midwest Did the rooms there the like it's like a room. Yeah dude, there's like tables, and like people sit at them. Dude, I love Manny. Manny, he runs, he's great. Nah, Manny's great.

Jessica. Yeah, I know Jessica. Jessica's Jessica's great. Manny, the book is great. I'm glad he beat all those rape judges. Jessica's great. They got great wings! It's the same conversation till you die.

The same conversation over and over again. Why do they call them wings? Cause like half of them are legs. You know what I mean? I've been thinking. They're not feathers. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, like where's the fucking feathers?

It's like why are like boneless wings cheaper than like regular wings? Like does it cost more money to put the bone in? And they're not made from buffalo, you know? It's great. If you saw a wing covered in buffalo sauce, you'd be like, yummy. But if you saw an airplane wing covered in buffalo sauce, you'd be like, yummy, but if you saw an airplane wing covered in buffalo sauce, you'd be like, what happened?

Yeah, dude, I just- I got somebody dying! What is it, covered in blood? Where's the pilot? What are we doing? Who's the pilot, Guy Fieri? Dude, sometimes I look in the mirror- Comedy!

I look in the mirror for a long time and I don't know who's staring back at me. Dude, you know what's funny? My ears are ringing right now from what he's doing. Dude, do you ever have like- I have like the Walter White cancer diet. I was just ringing in my ear right now. Like I told I'm dying and I'll never see my family again.

Yeah, where Sam's like, Sam's like, yo dude, did you hear me? Yo dude, did you hear me? Yo dude, did you hear me? And you go, yes, of course, hilarities. That's the thing about cancer. It takes a lot of times a death sentence. Yeah, I know. It's like if you think, like comedy's kind of like a cancer on society, you know, a little bit, a ways,

you know? Yep. Yeesh, yeesh. No, that's the thing is like you used to be able to say anything, now there's like some things you can't. Yeah. That's the thing is like you used to be able to say anything now there's like some things you can't. Yeah. That's the thing, you got like a, when you have a bit that's like not working, you gotta

like cut it out of the act after a certain point because it's like just bringing the rest of the whole, you know, the whole, the whole set down, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's like a team, you know? You gotta like cut a player. You can't keep losing. If you have a bad player, you gotta cut him. Yeah, the Knicks.

New York. I heard the Knicks are doing great now or something. So I saw people tweeting about it. Well, they're mad about the Knicks got a very favorable call against the Pistons. The Knicks are doing fine. They'll be second round out as usual. Fuck him.

Fuck him. I was gonna say something that was important, but I can't remember it now. Live Dates, Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I have a website, too. BenAvery.live, by the way. And BenAvery presents a show on YouTube for live streams

and stuff. Because sometimes people think it's still on the Limit Party Clips channel. That was like months and months and months ago. It's on its own thing. Trying to think what else. I think that's it. But LimitParty.live. That was like months and months and months ago. It's on its own thing. Try anything else? I think that's it. But limitparty.life, go see the tour dates.

Thank you guys for listening as always. God bless you. We'll see you guys next week. Bye everybody. Sayonara. Goodbye. Bye. I'm sorry. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosa's Cantina, Wicked and evil while casting a spell.

I love Oz deep for this Mexican mate, I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a while young Calmore came in, wild as the west takes his way.