lemonparty - 133: Only Talk To God When I Need a Flavor

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

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And we're high. I'm on that light beam. Always in my face, talking, listening. Girl, I had to bust a feast for the catfish. N-word, Howl Hitler. I took the words right out of my mouth. I refuse to say the N-word, but I will say Howl Hitler. Love a Howl Hitler. Because black people don't kick my ass for that. Yeah, they kind of, you know,

black people are at war with the Jews a little bit. Yeah. So you can kind of get in the back door on that. Exactly. That's why I'm into that one. Right. You throw up a Halle Haylor, but you throw like a peace sign like you're chingy.

Much love. Halle. I've been humming it at the gym. It's insane how catchy it is. Yep. It's actually, it's hilarious. I was blasting it in the car on the way, we were doing Haywatch, I picked everybody up,

we were driving to the studio and I was like, it was just very funny. It's so catchy, it's annoying. Yeah, it's so catchy, you're gonna see it in like, those cars that bounce, like driving down the street. You guys are gonna be going up and down on the hydraulics. It's not annoying to me. It's just like, it's so funny,

cause it's just like, what if the most talented, oh by the way, Jace is not blue. Oh, I'm sorry. And I'm not red. And at LemonParty.life, Los Angeles, June 7th, June 8th, San Diego, June 22nd, these are all at LemonParty.life. I love dates. Seattle is going fast, Portland's going fast,

as in late July. San Francisco, the venue did drop us, I think they looked up the show. I didn't tell you guys that yet. And by the way, Ben Avery. But we're finding another venue right now. And Ben Avery from the Tim Dillon show is doing San Diego. Yeah, that's pretty funny, isn't it?

Are we allowed to go to that show? Are we allowed? Can you get us free tickets? Are we, is it okay if we come? Are we gonna, we're gonna try walk on stage and a security guy's gonna put a hand in our chest. He's like, this is Ben Avery. I honestly, that's so funny, but it makes sense.

It makes total sense. For anybody listening. My knowledge of the club. Yeah, the club is posting that it's a Ben Avery live thing and then there happens to be a podcast also. Yeah. Nothing against you, but I think they'd get more if they said Lemon Party is coming. That's what I thought too.

Yeah, then we get people who don't know us. You're like, I'll watch these old guys fuck. Yeah, because they think it's a bunch of gay guys. Yeah, Lemon Party is way bigger than we will ever be. Yes. You know what's up? We created a beast. Everybody knows what Lemon Party is.

I'm just realizing if Lemon Party became popular now instead of 2004, they would go on tour and all fuck each other and make a lot of money. 100%, 100%. Maybe on TikTok. Yeah. Lemonparty.life, we have Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, the venue dropped us after confirming. I think they might have looked at the show,

I'm not really sure. Newsom said we're not allowed to perform in San Francisco. It's San Francisco, I mean they found out, they booked, first, they booked, first off, they booked the Lemon Party podcast, and then they found out the head of it just got a Tesla. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Which is, and you drive a Tesla in San Francisco, it's the only one that doesn't get smashed in your purse taken out of. Even the hobos are like, two racists, won't do it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I don't even want to touch that. I don't want to take a shit through the sun roof of that. I've heard actually most of the Tesla hate

has been happening in the Bay Area. Yeah, of course it is. They're such retards. They are. And they have a beautiful city. They're such idiots. Ruined by retards. A beautiful city.

I would, fuck, that kind of sucks because I would have loved to. What is this? What is this? Oh, it's a Heil Hitler remix, I bet, right? It's just a nice cover. There's been a lot of covers. The AI covers are fantastic. Man, these people took my chance from me, then they closed my bank account.

I got so much anger in me, got no way to take it down. Thinking I'm sucking up many drinks, we're the bucks when I address. Yes, I am a gunk on lack when people fuck on my adventure. Shit, they're gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account.

I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck on my bank account. I'm gonna fuck to take it down, thinking I'm stuck in a mad drink So where the fuck's my night dress? Yes, I am a gunk on lack when people fuck on my bed She's shittin' up most of the Twitter, tell me you don't say that Honey, you can't see me mouthing

I'm driving your chrome made bag With all the money I've got And my money's in the bank I still don't get to see my children Niggas see my Twitter And I still don't get to see my children. Nigga see my Twitter. You really feel it. Yeah. Like this almost booze made it tears when I heard it.

Yeah, this is the white people version. I'm the feeling. You somehow, it somehow makes it more racist. Whiting it up. Well, what's great is that we've really come, my friend Debbie Booby made this point to me that we've come full circle, like, you know the Coraline guy, the guy who directed Coraline

who was like a rapey guy? Okay. You know his wife was like a ukulele lady who was singing like ukulele like Edward Sharp in the Magnetic Zero songs? And was saying the N-word, but for woke reasons. Really? Yeah, do you not know about that? I did not know this, no. Okay, I'm gonna have to look this up now. in Sharp and the I'm gonna be like, hmm. Jews leave the country. Yeah. Coraline director.

Yeah. Is this the guy, or the Coraline writer maybe it was? I forget his wife's name. She was this really dumb liberal bitch who had a bunch of ukulele songs. Oh, Neil Gaiman? Yeah, so Neil Gaiman. Who also just got me to it himself.

He got me to it horribly. He was like shitting on. Like a bad one. Yeah, shitting on babysitters. Vince McMahon level, like a lot of like. Oh, found it. Yeah, like. Her name is Amanda Palmer.

Amanda Palmer. Have I not played these for you guys? I don't think so. The craziest me too's are when you find out they're like taking dumps on people's faces and stuff. And that like wasn't degrading, so he would take a dump and be like, make them say thank you master.

Right. For taking the dump in my mouth. Cause's like he's taking so many dumps in mouths against people's will that it's like boring now he's got throw master on top there he goes this is amanda palmer this isn't like 2011 when this like um you know sing-Bop, like ukulele. You know. So it says Chanel was the king. Exactly, she was doing this stuff. But I thought it would be fun to play a little underground. Young nigger got a bad cousin crown. Whoa. Whoa. Making every nigger is selling narcotics.

That's crazy. Wait, what is this? So she's singing this for woke reasons back in 2011. Like yeah, I'm saying the N word to like make a point. To make a point. About race in America. Right, also I'm saying the N-word to make a point about race in America. Also, I want every black person in here to leave. And then, by the way, this evolved

into the childish Gambino, like this is America. You know what I said, man? You know what I said, that's where it kinda ended. That dissolved the whole thing, and now we're back to ukulele N-word stuff, but the right's doing it now. So soy is always in control of the country.

It does sound like- Soy just moves. Soy moves. Soy moves. It's fluid. In mysterious ways. I have a gif saved I was preparing to send you guys but I did see it was like one of the Black Rikerful coffee owners, he's firing a semi-automatic and then he goes, he's soy.

I swear to God he's soy. And you're like, oh this guy would be gay in 2015. He'd be a big, big guy. Pop, tart, shirt, pizza is bae. His wife talks him into getting a strap on and getting fucked in the ass by her and that's kind of his life. And he still does that, actually.

And he's driving his not-standing arm, a young nigger on the warpath. Whoa! That's crazy. Young nigger got a bad dress around. She kept doing it. Yeah, she does it in so many recordings. She's doing it in front of the house that Nas was raised in. She's doing the animatic. She's in a park in Queens.

There's a gentleman of a god. And those are black guys. And I'm looking for the product. Every nigga is selling our like outlaw Trump goes we're done with the ukulele and word stuff. Just inward stuff. We're doing just n word stuff. Stop trying to make the n word gay. Put a country beat behind it. I'm sick of the ukulele horseshit. We're gonna get Morgan Wallen and we're gonna get um Trey Beats and we're gonna make the greatest N-word song of all time.

It'll be like that Nelly country song. The gold chain song. Over, what was it, remember that song? Over and over again. Yeah, it was with Tim McGraw. Tim McGraw, I think about it, over and over again. I just remember the line where he's like, if you forget about the gold chains,

I'll forget about the iron chains. Yeah. Yeah. That song. You know what Kanye's been doing though, is so fascinating actually. Like it's, it's mental, it does suck. It's like really just depressing,

cause he's probably my favorite. He's been my favorite guy for three years now. A lot of, for most of my life. For recently he's become my favorite guy. No, but I mean, I'm a massive Kanye fan. He's maybe my favorite artist. He is dead, like I've said before,

he's a dead man walking. But it's just insane what's going on, because it is, he kinda does have the heartbeat of funny. This is funny. Well, can I say I went to- It sucks and it's doing a lot of damage. Did you see those neo-Nazis in the car? I did.

Doing the- On the holler out, yeah. Listening to it. It's also enabling a lot of actual Nazis. But who gives a shit? I mean, whatever. Those people are harmless to me. Those people are just like,

they're highly Hitler than going to Panera. They're not doing anything. Both of them look like Ghost World characters. Yeah, they own all those signs from the chicken restaurants. Yeah. I went to, I was disturbed by what I thought was the message of the song. And I went to Lyric's Genius

to find some interpretations on it. You didn't understand what the who. You needed some help. I thought there might be some sort of subliminal message or like a deeper meaning. Yeah, they're like, when he says Hal Hitler, Kanye's referencing the French Revolution and the echoes it has in today's America.

The funniest thing about the song to me is that it still has hip hop roots. Like it still sounds like a club banger. Like he's like, we're in the club, like you know, poppin' Kristallnacht. Like it still has the, like he's talking about like cars and women and. The chrome Maybach.

At the end of the day, even if you're a neo-Nazi, but if you're a rapper neo-Nazi, you still have to be like, I got a car! And I got bitches! He's pulling gold teeth out to make a grail. I'm in the eagle's nest getting twerked on! Yeah, bitch. Yeah, bitch! My favorite thing. Yeah, bitch. Yeah, bitch.

My favorite thing is people, white guys tweeting, every single black person I know loves this song. They're like all- And can't stop playing it. All one of them. The guy who founded PragerU loves this song. He kinda made like a black Israelite anthem.

He did. It's great. Yeah, he did. Yeah. He made like a black Israelite anthem. He did. He did. It's great. Yeah, he did. Yeah. I'm actually more deeply disturbed by Jelly Roll this week more than anything.

Do I have to get back into that fat fuck? Are we gonna investigate that fat idiot again? That fat dumb shit who makes fucking corporate horseshit music and we have to hear about his journey. He's crying every day. Fuck his journey. What was your journey? What, from one plate to the next?

You fucking idiot. Well, Devin, his journey started at the beginning of the buffet. To the register with his tray. Then he can get his soda, then he can sit down. He only talks to God when he needs a flavor. Only talks to God when I need a flavor. That's the name of the app.

I'm so sick of him. He makes me so mad. I know, I'm so sick of him. I wanna hit him with a cyber truck and watch him explode. It's like, be a white guy to this country, like stop doing the face tattoo shit. Hey guys, when you hardly have time to breathe, let alone figure out what's for dinner,

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a little overstimulated. So the food gets sent to me, I cook it up. I scan the little code, it sends me the recipe, it tells me what to do. With over 15,000 recipes each week, there's something for everyone. We love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life. O'Reilly-40%? box for life? 40%. 40%. That's right, 40. Go to hungryroot.com slash lemon and use code lemon. That's hungryroot.com slash lemon. Code lemon to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash lemon. Code lemon. But that's what Post is doing. That's what, you know.

I think some of these guys think they're like imprinting chocolate on their body. You tried to eat us tattooed. I got permanent chocolate. Can you tattoo my tongue so it always tastes like chocolate in my mouth? Can you make me into chocolate? I wanna be, that's why I like rap, cause I thought there was chocolate people singing. Dude, so Jelly Roll's bitch is bad.

Yeah? Yeah. Of course. It's some fucking whore using him. But she Bitch is bad. Yeah? Yeah. Of course. It's some fucking whore using him. But she's been bad. She been bad. I'll show you. She been attractive.

I think Tom on here was retweeting a bunch of old tweets. I can't remember who it was, but some great poster. Do these black guys ever come and punch this woman? Oh yeah, we can play the end of this if you wanna. Is one black guy wearing a baby bib? The guy sitting on a chair? He's wearing a Jamaican flag baby bib. He's shooting the nigga down and grabbing his knife.

A young nigga on the warpath and when I'm on the underground, a young nigga God, there's like four performances so far. Searching nigga down and grabbing his stuff and I'm grabbing his stuff I'm on the underground, a young nigga It's a very strange scene from high maintenance She's about she's literally saying it right now

You can see the beginning of the she can see the moon her job making the I knew yeah You can see the tongue pushing back. Yeah roof and Tim Tim Burton in the back is uh, he's loving it Oh, yeah, yeah, Gail Yankovic. Yeah, you know it's it's an n-word before Christmas It's a it's much scarier than the original It's Jack skeleton. He goes through the tree door and he just ends up in like Compton in the 80s And he's like, what's this? What's also crazy is she's singing this song, because I read that article, she's singing this song

and then she's going home to her husband who is shitting into a babysitter's teeth. People, please do not lose context here. Jace is correct. Neil Gaiman. Neil Gaiman's what? Gay man. Gay man. How do you say his name? He's a huge rapist. Gaiman's what a man gay man how do you say his name he's a huge ray Gaiman huge rapist was it that bad I

think he was just telling the babysitter to like drink his pee not I I think I read the story was pretty bad yeah so he wrote a child's book I remember Coraline he wrote a lot of books yeah but Coraline was the big hit became a film okay that, that's what I understand I think it's like a young adult novel Coraline. Have you guys seen it? That's what he's known for right? Yeah, and so he's making the babysitters like, you know, it was is that what it is? That's what I remember reading. He was a nut job Yeah, he was like, I think I got babysitters taking a bath and he went and shit in the tub while she was in the bath or something.

That's awesome. Like he leaned his... While his wife is out, sticking the N-word. That's awesome. Yeah, his wife comes home and he's like, he's mid shit. A babysitter's underneath him and the shit is like in her mouth and still in his ass. And then he's like, how was the show, honey? And she's like, it was great.

I said the N-word like 45 times. People were clapping. Anyway, people clapped. Anyway, get back to your shit. I'm so sorry for breaking up this rape shit that you're doing. That rules. Yeah, he wrote The Sandman, which was very popular as well, graphic novels.

I think he would love this show. I think him and Amanda Palmer would love the, uh. Everyone canceled, come over to Lemon Party. Come over. Come over to Lemon Party. Getting canceled now, I mean, what did you do? I don't even know, well. What do you have to do in that situation? would love the... Everyone canceled, come over to Lemon Party. Come over. Come over to Lemon Party. Getting canceled now, I mean, what did you do?

I don't even know, well. What do you have to do now? If you get canceled now, you actually did like horrific shit, because it doesn't come out. The cancelings are not as prominent. You have to like skin a child and wear him. So if you are canceled now, it is a big,

I think it's a big thing. I think Neil Gaiman was doing great. I actually think he was choking choking women with like turds Like a piano wire I think he just from behind Garrow wire Garrett wire, whatever like in the mafia move. I think he was like doing that with turds I think his ass the court he wiped his ass and then use it as core for him He was using long turds to choke them into death It's like a Pompeii. Yeah, his assholes mounts of Vesuvius these guys these guys bring shit over ladies. It's

Unbelievable what these guys cocks get the Mendo It's unbelievable from Justin Royland and Neil Gaiman Unbelievable how some of the most talented people ever have just let their balls and dick take them into a realm of losing everything. Can I tell you my theory on Kanye? Yeah. I think he watched so much porn he became like a neo-Nazi.

I think he's truned out Truned out he's gooned himself trans. That's a new term is truning Oh, we're someone trunes where they watch so much pornography they become gay. Well, he already was kind of gay like he Actually like the sucking your cousin's dick. I'm not gonna say that's gay. I'm just gonna say this kid shit, but I will say Pornatics and neo-nazis and the stuff I was like they all live on the same block. They're all neighbors They borrow sugar from each other and they know each other's kids and stuff Yeah, they borrowed sugar for their sweet tea and stuff They all I'm saying they all if you're if you're a Hitler guy if're truned out, if you're a pedophile NAMLA guy,

it's all in the same zip code, it's all in the same neighborhood. And I think if you spin, I think there's something weird about, I think it's an MK, like, ultra program. I think if you watch enough porn, you start hailing Hitler. I don't know why those things are connected, but they are.

But they're connected on Tor, they're connected on the dark web. You try to go find an old Hitler speech that's been banned, you click on the wrong onion link, you know, you're looking at Daisy's destruction. I think it's a guy that his whole life has been like, well, not his whole life, because I think he has had mental breakdowns recently.

But I think he found out that there's this one thing that you literally can't, that is insane to talk about and promote publicly. And he started doing it just simply because he knows that's like so counter culture. Is there any coincidence that he also is admitting he did incest with his cousin and got sucked off and was fucked and molested. He made a song about it. He loves the, he's totally okay with it.

But he released it right around the time he was like, how Hitler? So these things are connected. The sexual repression, the getting molested, being a pedophile, being truned out and being a Nazi, it's all in the same ballpark. And that's why he's friends with Milo, because he's all of those things. And Milo wants to kill himself for being gay. Milo can't stand that he was ever fake gay. It is awesome that he showed a Ye red bar though. The red bar cousins cover is fantastic.

It's so good. And Ye cried listening to it. What a moment for them. Almost as much as I cried when I first heard Amanda Palmer's. Oh, where'd it go? Oh, wait, you gotta, this is probably my favorite one too, because when she really gets into it she raises her fist like yeah everyone is She's covering is it NWA I think oh she is I song she's like she's covering? Is it NWA I think? Oh she is? I think she's covering a rap song.

It sounds like Boys in the Hood or something. What is she covering? I just thought that she wrote this to be like woke. This kind of seems like a dynamite hack like fake kind of like a bullshit like you know cover where it's like it's already been done before. Yeah, I don't know. What is the song she's doing? So narcotic. I think it's an NWA song that like selling narcotics. I'm black, cuz I'm brown. Every, anyway, what I wanted to segue into though, before I talked about Kanye being true. Now, because I think people need to be aware of it.

Jace, carefully you don't go down that road, my friend. Hopefully you keep it on the normal ballpark. Why do you think I started doing this show? Because of my excessive masturbation. I just don't want you to start hitting foul balls when you log in, you know what I mean? Keep it in the ballpark. You don't want Jace to be truned out, do you?

No, I would never. I don't want him to trune. I hate truning. Thank you, Devin. You always have my back. I definitely know what truning is, but I hate it. Jace Thank you, Devon. You always have my back. Definitely know what truening is, but I hate it. Jace, don't do that. I just don't want my own brother to trune.

Yeah. Don't trune, Jace. Yeah. OK. All right. Don't be a truener. I was going to trune, but I won't now. Please don't trune. I promise. I solemnly swear. We're so sick of you and the truening. And your potential truening.

I'm so sick of you and all your truening, you do. Every time I talk to the guy, it's clear he's about to truening in your potential truening. I'm so sick of you and all your truening you do Every time I talk to the guy it's clear he's about to He's seconds away from It's from fuck the police by NWA. Okay You guys are like fake like rap appreciators that you didn't know that by the way way. That's like their big hit, right? NWA? Yeah, isn't that their big hit, Fuck the Police? Yes. NWA is like good, but they're not respected

for being true rap music. Yeah, they had a couple good songs, but they were mostly known for being, like when black people were spooky. Yeah, they were like a thing. But it wasn't like, they weren't known for being like, wow, they're really doing it. Yeah, but it wasn't like it wasn't they weren't they weren't known for being like wow They're really doing it. Yeah, they're pop every view is fine They were doing aggressive rap when like tipper Gore was like, oh my when she saw like a black guy

I thought you guys like loved Them because of Los Angeles and stuff. I thought it was like they did shit based on like that, but like I don't Realistically their music is not that I could care. I could care. I don't give a shit about NWA, but like, I don't, realistically, their music is not that good. I could care, I could care less. I don't give a shit about NWA. But Jelly Roll, I told you, so first, now that's real rap. I love Jelly Roll. Look at this.

Okay. My wife said I was a dinosaur, I'd be a Licholotopus. Okay. All right, that sucks, Jelly Roll, kill yourself. Woke up and dropped that dick on my wife anyone else ever try to poke the Period out of their girl when she is cramping Jesus laughing emoji like come on, baby Let's just get this week rolling lol on or flowing Should I say I

Like it when you sit on my face for hours on end After I came up from going down on your on you earlier my eyebrows were wet laughing emoji You are relentless when fucking my face wait fucking Wait, he's quote tweeting his own wife. Yeah. Yeah, so they're being horny for each other on the time So his wife said I married to my best friend Some days I want to share his head Shave his head in his sleep and light his toenails on her other What a fucking sick fucking freaky other ways

I want to have his babies and sit on his face for 22 of the 24 hours in a day Like I would imagine like to like alligators tweet To alligators from late late, Florida. Look at her though. That's his wife I love when she makes me kiss her feet and violently fucks my face that OMG. It's bunny. She's attractive She got big fake tits and a decent ass. She's got a Native American skeleton. Yeah, she's got she's got a half her body She's got sitting bull on her on her left thigh and a cross right next to her fake tit in that's cool I guess and there's a cross for no reason

Do you think she sits on his face to stop him from eating? Yeah, that's why she does it so much I don't think she really So he's yeah, he's married the bunny XO it is actually kind of funny Jase you just like you have your Sit on your face. Mm-hmm 20 hours a day. So you can only eat four hours a day Yeah, he's doing intermittent fasting by the way. She's still getting fat. She's followed by John Daly Hell yeah, I minute fast thing. By the way, she's still getting fat. She's followed by John Daly. Hell yeah. I think she only posts about like, together they hold the universe in their hands, a cosmos of dreams, stardust and endless possibilities

where love is the gravity that keeps everything in orbit. I mean good for Hemi, you know, she thinks she's married to a big piece of paper with scribbles on it That's fine a doodle she married a doodle married a doodle my husband is a desk out of middle school I actually don't know what she sounds like. Let's see if she sounds listen to this bitch Damn, she bad. She bad She doesn't want anyone to hear her I've been so far. I kind of like her

What she's hot What is that one man y'all made a man out of a molehill with this one about what all these weirdly Don't worry y'all know I'm going to expose it soon this whole thing is smoke and mirrors y'all all that shit Russ be talking about is real jelly rolls big thing is he's exposing the music industry and changing it I've seen him talk about that from time to time jelly he's saying his own success proves it's not like a meritocracy I don don't know man. He's like the first musician you could see be created like through the glass at like a crispy creme.

His wife is on that conveyor belt getting jizzed, dropped over. They're both conveyor belt people. I don't really know what's happening. My wife is my backbone. He's looking at a steak. Well yeah, you need a... She helps him stand up.

Yeah. Marius went back, when he was talking about a Tomahawk steak he ordered that night. Eight years of marriage to my best friend, eight years of laughing till our stomachs hurt, of late night TV shows engaged. And my stomach always hurts.

And my stomach always hurts because it's full of gummy worms. Do you think he proposed with a ring pop? (*both laugh*) Dude, he is like, it's the big boy season thing of like, hey big boys, you don't need to lose weight, just find you a bitch who loves a big fat guy. Right.

Jelly Roll was what, he was 390 or was he four or something? Did he lose a bunch of weight recently? Yeah, I mean, he even post went on ozempic. Jesus Christ, well, I mean, the weight. They went on the high dose. They don't have bones anymore. Look at this fucking story. It's insanely long.

Yeah, man, I'm not reading all that shit. I mean, he writes posts as big as his belly. Pfft. But she only really, oh, she does have a podcast. Okay. She's talking to Rob Schneider's daughter. Are you serious? Wow this is great.

This is keeping American media alive. Listen to this. One of my childhood crushes. Oh my gosh. You are a daughter of Rob Schneider. Yep. I go for four or five years while talking to my dad about my record and people finally started asking

about my dad. My dad called me and was years, I've been talking about that, about my record, and people finally started asking about my dad. My dad called me and was like, don't fucking talk about my dad. So Rob Schneider's daughter is a truck driver. She's Jay and Silent Bob. She drives trucks around the country that have the wrong Missy in them. It's large Marge.

She drives food to Jelly Roll's house in a big 18 wheeler. Rob Schneider's daughter is driving cars across, driving trucks across the country that are, they're consumed with, you know, his latest, like Adam Sandler's latest movie. That's correct. Where Rob Schneider's in it for like four seconds.

I'm also cranking this audio, I can't hear it at all. I can't hear it either. Some podcasts, they put them out and you can't even hear what they're saying. I would ever spend a summer with my dad. It would be on a movie set. I would just get lost in the shuffle.

If I ever messed up a shot, if I ever was talking, I would get in fucking trouble. Did you ever feel like you guys could connect or it was just more of like? Not till I was much, much older. I was like a really, really heavy child. My dad sent me to fat camp and then I got in trouble one year because I sprained my ankle

and I didn't lose any weight. Very toxic and very silly. I had already started getting tattooed and it was like 108 degrees. So I was having to wear sweaters because my dad was like very anti-tatt. I won't stand for this slander, Rob Schneider. I thought Rob Schneider's daughter would be a giant cricket.

I think he has a daughter with a, he married like a Hilaria Baldwin lady as well. Yeah, fake Latino. Fake Latino lady, I'm pretty sure. Oh, here we go. Now we're talking. Now she's rubbing her pussy on the edge of the pool. All right, here we go, here we go. Look at that rubbing her pussy on the area. Here we go. Look at that annual pool vid she says it's summer Jesus Christ

That's like you might as well that's like having sex with a Rick and Morty bong That's like, you might as well, that's like having sex with a Rick and Morty bong. She looks insane. Her right leg, it looks like, you know, if you let a middle school draw on you. Yeah, it's a fucking Browner's soap bottle that she's got on her leg. Being married to a gamer.

Oh, Jelly Roll's a gamer. See, this is what I kinda actually like about him, because I realized that Jelly Roll would be famous even if he didn't make music. Him and his wife would make viral content on TikTok. They would live in a trailer park. They would go live and talk about fucking and sucking and driving go-karts around and stealing ATMs and stuff like that. Yeah, he's a My Name is Earl in real life. Yeah, exactly.

If he became famous. Yeah, he's, my name is Earl in real life. Yeah, exactly. If he became famous. Yeah, he's Randy if he became famous. Exactly. Yeah, and he actually only games to experience what walking is like. He gets on GTA and he just walks to the donut shop. And he's like, wow, that life would be beautiful if I could do that.

This only how I'm, yeah, doing all that womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. Show time up, why is you not clocking back? Yeah I'm imagining he picks up the controller and it pans to a TV where it's just a a Digital steak being cut into with a big knife and a fork Damn yeah his wife's a I love the plastic slut. I love the public suckin and fucking thing. Yeah, his wife's a plastic slut. I love the public sucking and fucking thing. Yeah, that's real redneck shit when you're talking about how good your wife's pussy tastes. That's real. That's walking the walk.

Do you think that's where the swinger shit originated? Have you ever seen that photo of it's like the Super Bowl 2004 and there's three guys on the couch and they're all getting sucked by their wives? Yes, yes. I see that Yeah, it's like the Alvin and the chipmunks meme in real life Getting the best head and there's a really fat beagle on the ground Just kind of watching that beagle just jacking off with a paw and then the best part is there's two other guys in Lazy boys and they're just they're eating chips and watching the football game and they're not looking at the guys getting sucked

No, they literally they're like they're like you so you can chips and watching the football game and they're not looking at the guys getting sucked. No, they literally, they're like, they're like, you suck, you can suck them first, I'm eating my chips. I told you not, they get kind of out, I told you not to suck me while I'm eating chips. I got the ridges. I need to focus on the ridge. My chips have teeth, your mouth dude's numb.

I cannot come while I got ridge in my mouth. I wish I could type in like search words. Yeah. What do you think I should type in Super Bowl blowjob? Super Bowl three guys blowjob maybe? I'm gonna type it in. I gotta find that photo. And they all kinda look like three little pigs

like nussling, like sucking at their mother's teeth. Super Bowl blowjob couch? Couch maybe. I think there's a beagle in it. Watching football with your buddies, that's probably it right there. You think this is actually yeah That's gonna be it. Yeah, yeah Wait you think we could show this I think we can right on

I think there's no sex thing right you can't see anything. You can't see anything though. Just I'm gonna show it All right. All right, go for it fair enough All right, all right, go for it, fair enough. It's so funny, this guy over here, just watching the game from the kitchen. Yeah, they're getting sucked off by actual hogs. Yeah, this guy put his chips down, but what Jace is talking about, I think it's an interesting point.

This is, that's no way that, you think all these people are actually matched with each other's wives? I think these wives are like, they're kinda taking turns sucking on every man's cock. I think it's like pigs sucking out a tea where they all run up like, and then there's like one,

the tiniest one gets pushed out and can't suck a cock, and then it's like trying to butt in, and then one of the other women kicks it away. Look at the dog, the dog can't wait to get out of there. The dog kind of knows what's happening. The dog is so ready to leave. He's very sad about it. I really respect the woman on the left

because she's the only one who took the bra off. Because she loves her little puppies. She loves her husband, and her husband who unbuttoned his shirt to get sucked off. The John McAfee guy. Yeah. Dude, did he take his pants to get sucked off. The John McAfee guy. Yeah. Dude, did he take his pants off too? Yeah.

Of course he did. Where are the pants? The guy took his pants all the way off and then unbuttoned his shirt. He has no pants on. He's like, this is a really nice shirt. I cannot jizz into this shirt. I can't get it out.

I found someone who tried to figure out the exact day by looking at the score bug in the top. Yeah, did they find it? They found it. They found the exact game. What game was it? They found it, they found the exact game. What game was it? I forget, but they found the exact game in this iconic photo.

It's an iconic photo. The fire's going. You can tell from the chip bag he's grabbing chips as he's getting sucked. Oh, Jace, you're right. I always thought he put the chips down. No, look, his right hand, he's wiping the dust on the arm of the couch.

Is he choosing the chip? Dude, I guarantee you, I guarantee he grabs a chip, eats it, and then he wipes the dust on the arm of the couch. Is he choosing his stuff? I guarantee he grabs a chip, eats it, and then he wipes the dust on his wife's back while she sucks him. But I think these ladies are swinging, right? Yeah. Because you might as well get blown. They all have the same exact body, the same tits, the same ass.

The hair seems to be a bit different in color, but I mean, for the most part. This has to be a swinger's thing, right? This is how it happens. It's like, hey, let's just all suck each other's husbands off, I guess. Hey, do you want to smoke crack or us all get sucked off by each other's wives? Let's get sucked off of our beagle.

Hey, do you want to watch your wife suck my cock or do you want to smoke crack in meth? I think what I kind of realized, because you see how there's no cross on the wall anywhere? They took it off to get sucked. Doesn't this look like the story? Like turning a picture away of a loved one? All right, if we're going to get sucked,

put the cross in the other room. I don't want the little Jesus on the cross to watch my wife suck off my buddy Tim. I think what I realized is, because the high ceilings like this, the bigness of it, the tile and everything, it looks to me, obviously this could be like rural Pennsylvania or something, to me it looks like Houston, Texas. I'm going to call it, I think this happens in Arizona, it happens in a town called White Justice Arizona or something like that. I think this happens in Arizona. It happens in a town called White Justice, Arizona,

or something like that. It's a town called Sundown, Arizona, where you can buy a mansion for $15 and a bag of Fritos. Yeah. Also, the TV is way too high. I have a problem with that as well. I think I do realize though, Jace, all the people that we grew up with that didn't go to church, I have a problem with that as well. I think I do realize though, Jace, all the people that weren't,

that we grew up with that didn't go to church, I think they were doing stuff like this. I think they were all just getting sucked off by different wives getting moved here, moved there. Yeah, it's like, they're not like, that's why it's real redneck shit, because you become like a monkey in a zoo, you know, where everybody's just swinging and sucking and fucking,

throwing bananas everywhere. I like that Devin is kind of unfazed by this because he wasn't sheltered the way we were. There's nothing about this that's crazy to me. They're sucking off a bunch of men at a party. That's how it should go. But no one seems to care that three women are blowing these guys.

That's how it should go. If I was in the corner there, I'd go, I'd go, that's like real Amu shit. And they go, Devin, stop it with the soft A. Devin, stop. And they go, stop. I go, all right, that's real. I kind of love that Devin would walk into a party

where everyone's getting sucked off on the couch and you go, that's fucking what's up I would take a seat. I would take a seat. Yeah, that's how it should be Looking at that crazy. It's there. They're so I mean look at these fucking pigs They're going to the trough They're all they're all They're all like, they're all overweight. They're all sucking chili off of them. They all literally look like they're going

and eating like fucking, you know, hometown buffet food. That's the golden corral. Look at these women. I do love the guy in the corner who's got his fingers tinted, like he's really watching his wife suck somebody. He's really into it. He's gotta focus.

And they put something over his face. They don't want him to be seen. Are you allowed to jack off or watch them get sucked? Or you have to watch the TV? I don't think. I don't think any, there's no rules. You think you could just start jacking off and no one would care? 100%.

Because that seems to me like kinda. This house, I bet you could go start sucking the dog and they'd be fine with it. If you sucked red rocket juice out of the dog's dog and they'd be fine with it If you sucked red rocket juice out of the dogs dick They'd be fine with it. I want to always wondered if women like doing that Some I'm sure suck in sucking someone in public. I don't really get it Most women do like to not women like no women like public sex But that is a thing I've noticed have you ever heard of as a woman ever told you like, I wanna suck off a guy in public

like at a party in front of his friends? No, more discreet like that. This is. These are just like, you know, middle America, like white women. Yeah. This is like your everyday American right here is down to, that's what's so crazy about it to me.

Yeah. We used to have like Norman Rockwell White picket fences red roses tire swing golden retrievers man with the suit and the hat takes it off He puts it on and he hugged Sally Blue skies clouds and now it's just yeah, just there's a big there's a beagle there There's like there's a you know whispers of the Americana. There's the Americana pass it's like there's a you know whispers of the Americana. There's the Americana pass it's all there Great we have the echoes like if you go like, you know, that sunscreen girl is getting her bottoms pulled down by the dog

Yeah, we changed that's now one with big fat tits And the dogs pull your bathing suit down another guy's fucking her in the ass And that's the new so I forget the sunscreen, but that's what it is now. I think you should sit down and the other guy's fucking her in the ass. And that's the new, I forget the sunscreen, but that's what it is now. I think it's tropa. Trapacana. Everything's giving, Or is that orange juice?

Everything's giving, we should cook a big turkey and then turn it over and everybody fucks it while it's on the table in missionary. We should missionary fuck a turkey. Because that's all we are, we're echoes of past greatness. Yes. That have been turned into nothing but sex and just debauchery and easy living 24-7 yeah, yeah, yeah

The guy you know that famous Norman Rockwell painting of the guy standing up in the town hall to make a point That painting is now he's he's pulled his cock out and he's resting it on the bench in front of him Well, it's kind of great is like we used to have like Elvis and who is the lady? Joan Baez. I don't know Who was the lady that he dated? What's her name? Elvis dated? Lisa Marie Lisa Marie

Presley Yeah, he used to have Elvis and Lisa Marie now we have now we have Bunny and Jelly Roll Oh, yeah, just tweeting at each other about how much they love eating each other. And Jelly Roll's the same as Elvis. We all know that. Well, according to today's standards and money and relevance and power and everything else, he's America's Elvis Presley.

He really is. Jelly Roll is dating a mouth that's eating him. She eats his pussy. Yeah. What a fat fuck. that's eating him. She eats his pussy. Yeah. Yeah. What a fat fuck he is. But I like him now. That's what I was trying to say. I kinda have more respect for him

because I realize that he is, I think he's the genuine article. I think he's the real thing. I think what you see is what you get. He's the real retard. Yeah. He's the retarded McCoy. I think he's meant to,

I thought he was doing it for publicity, like he always, on Instagram he gets lost every day in like the woods behind his house and he's crying and filming himself. Right, right, right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's who he really is. I think if he's not gaming or his wife's sitting on his face,

I think he just starts kinda, he gets lost, like kinda easy. He has like dementia. No, he's gonna get shot out of a deer blind, and that's how he's gonna go. Jelly roll is real. He's gonna be hunting one day, the branch is gonna snap that he's sitting in,

and he's gonna get hung on his own deer blind chair. Birds are picking at him. And then birds, they figure out, because they're like, why are the birds so fat now? All these fat ass birds have been eating jelly roll for weeks. Little bird bone gauge. These birds, they can't fly.

They're like skimming the ground. Like the spruce goose. They can't quite make it into the air. Birds that don't even eat meat. Yeah. But they're like- Like little bush tits and stuff. Yeah, but it's his stomach burst open and a bunch of gummy worms fell out and they're

like, well, that's what we eat. So good. You know, jelly roll's a real, he's a real American piece of shit. Yeah, I love him, man. I have so much hope. For what? Just for just everything, actually. I'm kind of doing a 180 now.

On Jelly Roll? Well, on all of it, I'm just kinda seeing the beauty in it all. I got like two days of really nice sleep, feeling good. I know you were kind of like spiraling. You were being insane. You were being deeply insane for a couple days there. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't sleeping. But it's all good. You were testing a stuff like the four horsemen of the apocalypse. That's OK. Like Baphomet out of the bottom of the ocean. Devin was really drunk last night,

and he hugged me and kissed me. Told me he loved me. Yeah, I do. I love you a lot. Yeah. I love you very much. Devin does an Italian thing where he keeps kissing my either side of my face.

Makes me feel good. So the nerve endings are the testicles of the face. The sides of the mouth. It was the cheeks. I felt Italian, actually. You kissed me maybe 30 times last night. Yeah? Unbeknownst to my wife, you kept kissing me.

Oh, I do love you, Ben. And all the honeys at the bar were looking my wife, you kept kissing me. Oh, I do love you, Ben. And all the honeys at the bar were looking at us as you kept kissing me. All the honeys. All the sluts. All those sluts at the bar. You and I are like, people would kill for our relationship. I'll fuck you.

There was a comment, there's some gay guy who really wants me and you, they feel like some sexual tension, they want me and you to have sex on the show and have an OnlyFans. That's nice. Let him keep thinking it. I guess I kinda, I would be open to it.

I would. If the money was right. If the. If the. You're like, I've got a kid. I got a daughter, I gotta get fucked in the ass now. I have to. Baby, it's four grand.

I gotta do it. I gotta do the third act of Boogie Nights to make this paper. Yeah, your daughter one day, you're like, you know how much I love you? I got fucked in the ass for $45 because I love you. Yeah, what if me and Devin did it? Yeah.

And then we put out the really high tier and no one even signed up. Not a single person. Not a single person. And then you keep lowering it, trying to get some money and still nothing. Then someone just steals it and posts it on Reddit. Yeah, they post it on Reddit.

Like, these guys are fucking gay. Fuck them. I just actually, I realized for the first time that somebody could jack off to this podcast if they wanted to I Never thought about that. Oh, yeah comments that like they want Roll the flavors of that is why not anymore. I got I gained a much await but I know you're making yourself a bigger flavor Yeah, exactly. Is that true? Yeah, the gays love my getting fat. They love it gays love me They love me. You're trying into like Megan Thee Stallion.

I've had many a gay man try to suck me. Huh? You're turning into Megan Thee Stallion. Yeah. Gays are kind of like black guys. As long as you're white and big, they like you. Oh shit, I forgot the other thing to promote. What?

Lemon party golf. Oh yeah, on the Patreon, we did a golf video. Cause that was the comment. There was a really, really horny guy on Lemon Party Golf that was like, I really really want Devon and Ben to have sex with each other so bad and I would pay for the OnlyFans is what they said. And they said it in such a way they weren't joking, they feel like some sexual tension. Obviously no one want me and Jace to fuck because you know we're brothers.

Right. And that's weird. Obviously no one out there wants you guys to fuck. So there's only two possible combos here. We couldn't do a three way, because that's weird. Again, we're brothers. But I could fuck Devin,

or Devin could fuck Jay. Who would be the top and the bottom between you guys fucking, you think? I'm always the bottom, I imagine, with YouTube giants. That's true, but I have so much respect for you, I'd almost let you be the top, you know? No, you guys are annihilating me.

Let's be honest. No, no, no, shut up, shut up. You're ripping my ass up. Shut up! You're fucking my ass, pal. Did we just become best friends? Yeah. Did we just?

As you're entering Devon in Missionary. Did we become best friends? Yeah As you're entering Devon and missionary Fuck I've never taken a Viagra or blue chew or any of that stuff But I kind of think if I had to do that I still think my penis would go down if you take a Viagra will your dick still stay hard no matter what? Like if you're a gay guy raping a guy and you wanted him to be hard Could you give him that stuff and make his penis? Your stimulant is prostate like I take like blue chew and It like it only makes you hard if you're horny, you know, so I don't know if it would if a big gay guy was raping

I don't know if you'd get hard because of that. You have to be horny to get hard. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, you still have to like care. Yeah. You still have to give a shit. It's not like you take it and then you're just like, whoa, and you're like, just like, you're at the library. It's not like you take it and I don't know if you have a boner, you have to like give a shit about what you do. You just get a super, super fucking hard boner.

Like it almost hurts, it gets so hard. That doesn't sound good at all, why do people take this? Because when they're horny, it goes up. Yeah, it fucking rocks rock for a long time Mm-hmm, I think so some men out there and like love I've done it a couple times. I've never I've never enjoyed it You never enjoy me a horrible headache It does if you're not supposed to take it it gives you a headache because it's like It makes your blood pressure like yeah plummet basically. Yeah

But no kicks ass. So you probably couldn't take it. You're on too many stops. You probably couldn't take it. No, Jase has been taking it. Jase mixes. When we were playing golf, Jase was taking muscle relaxants.

I'll take any fucking pill that exists. I'll take anything. You're like a pill head, but you're not a drug addict. It's weird. Yeah, I just enjoy making myself feel different from time to time. I like putting something in my body and then my body changes.

I like that. Maybe I am truning out. Maybe you're right. You're truning out. Maybe I'm a couple weeks away from getting on estrogen. Who knows? Oh, thin boy Nazi for you, that'd be so cool. That'd be great.

That would be great for the show. That would be great. If you became like Tram. If I had huge bolt-ons and a big fake ass. I think that's the next move, Jase. I would love for him to look like Travis Kelce in a wig. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah.

And getting slim. Slim to like cut. Yeah. Big, long wig. I think Jase is close to doing that. I might. Twist my arm. Twist my arm.

I'll cut my dick off. Twist your arm. Hey, if it's going to help Ben's kid, I'll cut my dick off. Twist your arm. Hey, if it's gonna help Ben's kid, I'll cut my dick off and become trans. Yeah. If it's gonna help the show, you know? Because I'm a great uncle. Yeah, you are.

I'll do whatever it takes. You gotta do it for the relevance, I think. I mean, you might as well just, I mean, fast forward to the end of like your masturbation journey. What does that look like really? God, I haven't really thought that far ahead. Yeah, you masturbation journey. I think it ends, I'm 65, I live in a place

I moved to in Arizona for swingers specifically. You're in witness protection for jacking off. You're Henry Hill for jacking off I'm like now Now all they got is like coconut oil. Yeah now I asked for point I get a drawing on a piece of paper I'm an average. No, I think I think I've become a leisure suit Larry guy. I think I'm wearing nothing but Hawaiian shirts I got tiny little transition glasses, completely bald, but I got a long ponytail coming out of the back of it.

And I kind of look just vaguely, I look kind of Italian because I'm so hairy and so fat. I would like that for you, yeah. And I just, you guys see me like once every year and a half and clearly I've just thrown my back out from jacking off. And I'm on an insane amount of muscle relax. You've thrown your back out from jacking off and I'm on an insane amount of muscle The muscles got so strong on the left side of my body that it like it actually like permanently ruined. Yeah Yeah, you have you have to get Tommy John

Like pulled one of my vertebrae left. Yeah, because my muscles got so strong. Yeah, dude I would love I would love that for you mine my I think the perfect ending to the lemon party Podcasts. Mm-hmm. I kind of want us all to go and like a little plane crash Like a big boppers situation or buddy Holly because it's only reserved for like insanely famous talented people Yeah, iconic just the idea that it would be all three of us. Jase is trans by the way I'm flying the plane, that's like crashes. At the same time. I'm a trans pilot. You're DEI.

I'm DEI. You're DEI. As soon as Jace becomes DEI, he gets his pilot's license. First flight as a woman, crash right into the ground. If you go to flight school and say you're gay, they have to just give you the keys to an airplane. They go, we're sorry, just fly the plane. Just kill everyone on board, we don't care.

You're just saying the anabard a bunch as we crash, and we go, he was a DEI pilot. But you're right, it would be funny because we're not near known enough for it to be a story at all. We're nobody. Nobody. It wouldn't make the news of the town we crashed into.

No, but there would have to be a Wikipedia article for famous people who technically died. And people who are obsessed with plane crashes. People are artistic about it. So we'd have to be in the Wikipedia where it's like the big bopper, Buddy Holey, and then the Limb Party. Ben, Devin, and Jace, yeah.

You click on all of our links. You click on my link and it just says Transpilot. It doesn't have anything about the podcast, or comedy, drawings. My terrible profile picture from X, that sucks. And noted anti-Semite, dead in plane crash. So I was like, wow, the Jews really do control the weather. Yeah, they sent a hurricane to bring him down,

and they're like, no, it was a perfectly fine day. The pile was just really trans. It was blue skies and golden sunshine. It was blue skies and fucked up pussies. Just crashing into the earth. I would love for us to crash in a field. I want that overhead photo of like the little hole in the ground and the little fucked up wings and stuff.

Right. And I wanna go where, I hated the Payne Stewart one, how he died, the golfer. I've known this story, Devin, from 2000. Is that when he died, 2000, I think? Yeah, he won the US Open in 1999. At Pioneer's number two, and then he died in a plane crash. But the pilot, I think, got to a little bit too high

of an altitude and all the oxygen left the cabin. The cabin lost pressure was the issue. Is that what happened? Yeah, the cabin lost pressure so they all gradually passed out basically. Yeah, so all the fighter jets or whatever were flying by the plane and they were trying to look in the windows. Because they were gonna shoot it down if it was going to like heading to a metropolitan area and like crash. Right, right, of course, yeah. And I think just crash in like the ocean or some shit.

I have no idea. No idea. Eventually it just goes down. Yeah, that's a real one. Because no one's in there. That's a lame one, yeah. That's a lot. I don't want to go down like that.

I want to like crash. I want to like have like mass cat. I want to like crash into a school for the blind or something. You want to take out people. I want people. You want to kill people. I want a school of 500 blind children to be You want to take out people. I want people. You want to kill people. I want a school of 500 blind children to be like,

what's that noise I hear much better than everyone else? And then they explode. That's what I think should happen. And I'm trans. I'm trans and I killed 500 deaf children with my trans flight. That sucks too because blind people, they have that sonic, that bat stuff. Yeah, the

Sonar and they've got so they would they would put a hand to their hand to their ear and they go I think I hear trans pilot in the distance and then God I would love that me and Devon playing chess in the back at that point I mean never like the planes going down me and they're like, well fuck well Fuck I better beat you before this crashes Yeah, no, that would be insane Yeah, that would not be good in my opinion. I would love it though. I would love to die in a plane crash I don't want to I don't more I think about I don't want to go like painfully in like a bed

Yeah, I want I don't want to know it's coming. I want to be screaming for 20 minutes in like a bed. Like I don't wanna know what's coming. I wanna be screaming for 20 minutes before I hit the ground. People always say like you're gonna die alone if you don't, you know. Have kids. Yeah, and it's like, well everyone dies alone.

Are you planning on like blowing everyone's head off on your deathbed? I want my children to die with me. Are you planning on like flatline, and as you're flatlining you pull a gun and you go, oh you too, you can kill your mom, you go, ah, I'm... You spray around your hospital bed. You just kill everybody around you.

You could put a gun under your chin and point it at your wife at the same time. Okay. Yeah. Could you pull both triggers at the same time, technically, and kill both people? But even then, you kill them and you still die a little later. Yeah. So you're not...

Oh, right. Everyone dies alone. You're both alone gurgling as you die. Yeah. So you're not. Oh, right. Everyone dies alone. You're both alone gurgling as you die. You're not like with each other, you know? Everyone ultimately dies alone. You're not gonna kill people. And what a narcissist you are,

that like somebody has to be present for your death. I know. Like who gives a shit? Exactly, it's like get over yourself. Like it's an important event, it doesn't matter. Yeah. You know? I mean, would you rather like die

of like a really weird terminal illness for years? Okay, like cholera or like typhoid fever cholera like tuberculosis or something, right? Okay, something some some some crazy shit We're gonna bed coughing. Yeah for years. Yeah, I have a Victorian disease like consumption Yeah, would you rather get your head fucking cut off? Damn cut off is bad. And you know the other thing I'm thinking about too, man? And it's like sort of an all point at this point. Devin was ranting about his dad yesterday at the bar and I was crying laughing about like,

I was talking about whether or not you would be able to wipe your dad's ass if he was like 90 and you were his caretaker. Like, would you do it? And obviously you do it for a baby, but then when it's an old person, do you wipe their ass? And Devin said he would just be laughing, and do you remember you saying this?

You go, ha ha, you health fag. You ate Ezekiel Brad and you drank water and you did the push-ups, and you're still dying, like everybody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember this now. And you were less healthy, actually, you would have died earlier. Fucking like pulling s- Exactly!

With pride. I'm wiping sunflower seeds out of his ass. You're wiping his ass and then rubbing it on a bird feeder? Yeah, good job with the quinoa, you old fag. You suffer it every day to be healthy. Why? It still sucks. It sucks.

You're shitting in the diaper. Look at you. Look at you. You're shitting around me. It's pathetic You're pathetic Oh my god dying old man all that work you did and you're still shitting in my hand Did I tell you guys about when I went to the movies on Christmas and saw the Bob Dylan movie and I was sitting in the back row was one of those like dine-in theaters

in Woodland Hills, Woodland, whatever. And there was a lady and a really old guy, it took him like two minutes to get up the stairs, sit next to me. And then like Tim It's into the movie, he was like, he leaned over and I heard him go, I have to go to the bathroom real bad. And she turned and she goes, are you fucking kidding me?

And he goes, I'm sorry. And she goes, a fucking burden. What a fucking burden you are. And everybody was like a quiet bar and the mirror was kind of like turned around and then she just walked him down the stairs for like four minutes. He could, he might be, you know how some people

have Down syndrome, they know it. Yeah. And they use it to get free chicken sandwiches and stuff. Sure. He might be you know some people have Down syndrome. They know it Yeah, and they use it to get like free chicken sandwiches and stuff sure he might be Torturing this poor woman because he wants his daughter to watch him pee well I think I don't think elder abuse is a real thing. I think people elderly people are getting abused I think they deserve it. Okay, they're very like I think like old mean people are like evil Mm-hmm, and they should be like kind of hit They're like children they need to be punished

for the time out. Yeah, they need to be, old people need to be punished. Yeah. Yeah, moving on. I do think God invented, God invented Jamaican people to punish old people. Can we move on to the next part? Yes, yes, yes.

Of course. Any time I see- You have a greed, you have a gallop. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, No, anytime I'm at it, like I see an old person in a wheelchair and they have a hat that's like World War II veteran, I'm like you should be like tortured to death. Well dude, you know what I've been doing this week is I've been drinking like hot water with my meals. With lemon, because supposedly that helps with inflammation

and it stops like colon cancer and all this stuff. And then Devin tells me that like hot water has been linked to to more throat cancer, this cancer, that, I'm like whatever, fuck it. And I'm thinking about it, I'm like, if time is moving so fast now, as my family's growing and everything, years are like that.

72 to 78, it's like a couple weeks probably. You know what I mean? 72 to 90 is nothing, who gives a shit anyway? Time, you make it to 72, you're fine. You don't even wanna make it past 80 anyway. Just get to your 70s. Just get to your 70s and it's fine. Get to the 70s.

Be moderately healthy. Don't freak out about anything. I don't even know about that. That's with all these weird Asians and stuff. But yeah, I read a report about hot water and throat cancers and stuff. Asian countries have a lot higher rates of colon cancer. And they think it's because of all the-

All the pickled food that they're eating. But they're also fucking, they drink and they smoke cigarettes like maniacs. But maybe you should, maybe you should drink and smoke. You gotta die in the Goldilocks zone. You gotta die in the sweet spot. You don't wanna die too young, you don't wanna die too old. I genuinely, I say this a bit a lot of times,

I think if I got to the point where my kids were wiping my ass, I would hang myself at that point. I just don't think, I don't think I could let myself be, and I've heard from people who've had to do that for grandparents, like it's a beautiful thing, like taking care of this person who took care of your mom, but I'm like, you saw shit on my balls, so I have to kill myself now.

You grew shit out of my penis. I'm 80 and I had to lift my legs in the air, like you're about to fuck me so you could wipe my taint. You're 80 years old and you're still really vulnerable. Yeah. You're still really pissed off. I've worked my- What had to happen.

I know, I've worked my whole life and I don't get to have the pride. You're coming out of heart surge and you go, I can't believe you saw the insides of me like how dare you I feel very Very about this whole experience. I feel overly vulnerable, and I don't like that you guys went into my aorta That's disgusting. I'm so fuck. I'm gonna kill myself. Okay kill myself and do not take my organs do not donate those to anyone Do not take my organs. Do not donate those to anyone. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party, everyone. Why don't we just fucking, Ben, can we say it? What?

Oh no, I've been public about it. I just haven't said it on the pond. Let's give people a reason why. Ben's leaving the show. No, Ben's got another fucking beautiful child. Well, my wife might be going into labor any second, so I'm just like, I'm checking my phone. Tonight might be the night.

Yeah, she could be in labor right now. I have no notification. Oh, message from Sean Gardini. Oh nice. Gardini goes, your baby's a fucking fag. Your new baby's gay. Second babies are gay. You have a second baby that's like gay.

You had sex with your wife twice, that fucking sucks. Today is Sunday. This episode comes out Tuesday morning, but yeah, my child, my son will probably be born between now and then. So, you know, we're recording as usual. We'll probably record again this week, but like Yeah, we're keeping them episodes to an hour right now, so I can make it home just in case my wife Slip off she's yeah. Yeah, his wife's taking care of a What is it when they put you when they do the thing they put they they

Dialated dilated yeah, they dilated her right well. No. No you didn't do anything. You dilate yourself She was already three centimeters, but then that happened the other night for my penis. Yeah, what they I'm saying it's like pretty serious right now like it's gonna She's gonna labor at any moment. I have to stop this show. Yeah. Yeah, so but obviously we're not Minutes and then go home yeah um and you can't wait to do a patreon because you've heard a lot about the hospital cafeteria and you're excited how did you know i was thinking about it i know you're i know you're thinking do you know what you already know what you're gonna order fuck you you literally i know you're looking you're looking at the bright side not having a kid you're looking at the bright side, not having a kid. You're looking at the bright side, and the bright side is like, I got a new fucking buffet.

That's hilarious. New jello. It's a brand new buffet. I kinda had a fantasy about going down to the cafeteria at 4 a.m. after they give my wife the epidural. She's high, she goes to sleep for three hours. She's got drugs coursing through her spinal fluid, and I just sneak down there

and I have myself a little filled there. Oh, you love the stress she's going through, because you get to use it for your fucking sick fat purposes. And she stops talking. Yeah. And I get to eat. Oh, you gotta, you gotta, oh, she out?

Is she out? I'll be downstairs. Yeah. What if the doctors come back in, I'm trying to fuck my, I'm trying to fuck my, I'm trying to fuck my, she's dead asleep on the truck.

Try to fuck your past out life. You go, Doc, she's so loose right now. Can you undyelator for a couple minutes? I'm doing like the Kill Bill thing. You're coming in. Petroleum jelly. Vaseline. You're coming in your son's face.

They have to call in the police as my wife's going into labor, I'm off to the side. They're handcuffing me. You go, no, no, no, she consented to this. You hand them a piece of paper that just says I consent. It's like the letters are backwards. Jeez, that is so. Like a third grader wrote it.

Fuck. Fuck. That'd be kind of funny too. Well, I guess in court my defense would be she can't feel anything because of the anesthetic and the epidural. I think the judge would shoot you in the head. That's true.

The judge goes street justice and then blows your fucking head off with like a fucking dirty, hairy magnum. That should be a rule that if you become a judge, you get one. Yeah, one in your career. One in your career, you get to, in the court, you get to do it.

And you know you'd be, cause that would be like, if people are getting like, like a guy's yelling at you, you gotta just pull the gun out loosely, so he knows it might come. Oh, to threaten people with it. Yeah. Instead of banging a gavel, give them, the judge a loaded gun exactly

You know what is funny about is there there have been people that have fucked their wife like moments before he gets burned Oh, there's probably been 1 million people who have done that Insane yeah, I've heard so many stories now at this point of like just from talking to ob-gyn's My sister said like one of her friends, they- That's a new, she just got hired on SNL by the way, OBGYN. Oh, the Kenyan binary person, OGBYN. There's like a baby, I think I've talked about this before,

there was, the nurses came in and they were holding their newborn baby and they had a jar of honey and they were trying to give the newborn honey, which would kill the baby. The baby could only have milk for the first two to three months, four or five months. It would kill the baby if they didn't stop. Why honey? Why honey? Why honey? Why honey? It's good for the allergies. Exactly.

It's good for the allergies. Exactly. Local allergies. Yeah, inside the hospital. Inside the sterile hospital, maternity ward. When that baby's dead, it has zero allergies. So they were right. You're basically letting the baby get stung by bees at that point. Yeah, no. Just put the baby in a bee hive.

No, thanks to podcasting, people are having their babies and they're cooking them baked potatoes because they think that's healthy. They're putting their baby in a sauna. It's a TikTok trend. Dude, you know what's fucked up is Katie's leaving it up to me to decide whether or not to circumcise. And everybody's going one way or the other on it.

What are you going to do? So I looked it up. Apparently, it's forbidden in the Bible for Christians to do it. Gentiles are not supposed to circumcise. There's several verses That support these claims it seems that Jews are the ones who are that are really only supposed to be circumcised and for whatever reason Also, America is They circumcised American Christians

So I don't know if it's like a I'm like, is this like a PsyHop thing like I don't know if it's like a I'm like is this like a side hop thing like The whole thing was like that it's like it's cleaner and safer Yeah, then I looked up a whole theory that but I don't I push again in America that were puritanical Because they said it stopped kids from jacking off as much because then jacking off doesn't feel as good I think that if you don't circumcise your kid they they like, I think they pleasure women a lot better. You do have that. That's what a lady said at the bar. It looks better, like it looks better,

but I think ultimately at the end of the day, like when the job is done, like the woman had a better time. Yeah. With the uncircumcised guy. So that's the good part of the con, is your kid gonna be better at fucking and get made fun of in the locker room

A little bit my dick looks great. It's circumcised It looks you know looks like a fucking it look my dick looks like a Nazi soldier Little helmet looks like it has a big helmet on him But I I wish I had that I wish they I wish they didn't chop my cock off when I was a child It's insane, actually. You're a child. They chop your cock off. I will present this to you, Jase,

because I already told Devin this last night, but it's actually considerably more expensive. To chop the dick? To have the operation done. I say that pushes it over the goal line. I say you go no chop. I say just leave it. Do half.

Let's go back to the old days. We're back to the kick ass. Back to the Let's go back to the old days. We're back to the fucking, back to the kick ass. Back to the kick ass. Back to the kick ass. It kinda, I hate when people go in nature and they stack a bunch of rocks and then they leave it by a river. Like leave all that shit alone.

That's actually, yeah. Leave nature alone. It's evil. And what that does is it just crushes a frog like two days later. No, it really does. It falls over and kills a frog. No, they're like don't do it cause you'll like crush,

you'll like hit a fox in the head and it'll die. Yeah, pregnant trout. So you could post the gayest Instagram post of all time you kill the Fox faggot congrats Like ooh, it's like synergy the balance of the rock yeah, yeah, I agree. I don't know. It's a tough. It's a tough decision I Would just let it be at this point. Yeah, I might just just roll the dice. Have they talked to you? Have like doctors talked to you? Like you need to like chop the skin off your son's body. Literally the only thing they talk to you about

is like vaccinations, like you gotta get the flu and COVID vaccines. I know they're obsessed with the COVID vaccine. You need to get every single vaccine at once, the polio, the this, the that, the. So that's kinda all of it, they are obsessed with vaccines. Doctors can't shut the fuck up about vaccines. It's all they,

it's all they talk about. So they're vaccine salesmen, as far as I'm concerned. Every time I go to the doctor. So no one has told you about like, you need to like, get a circumcision? Apparently there are some minor health benefits. I've had a few friends text me that. What are they?

I mean, I can look it up. You guys are all circumcised, right? Oh yeah, oh yeah. You better, oh yeah. You better be. What's weird, why didn't dad and mom go by the Bible? Because there's verses that say Gentiles should not, and this is in the New Testament.

This is like the new. Being Christian is not about reading the Bible then. It's about murdering gay people because they walked into your bar. Okay. It's about standing your ground. You fucking retard. Benefits to circumcise, I can't see.

Here we go. Circumcision offers several potential medical benefits, primarily related to reducing the risk of certain infections and conditions. Yeah, I mean the infections. I think those are rare, oh, AIDS, really? Lower risk of urinary tract infections, penile infections like balonitis,

baleno, I don't know.'s an HIV and HIV. How does it stops HIV? But what I sure yeah, is it a gay kid? Did you guys decide to have a gay kid? Did you guys decide to have a gay child? So when are you gonna make the kid trans? What it's of STIs. Oh, you don't get as much many STIs. Yeah. So that's pretty cool. Yeah. What's the difference between STI and STD? Yeah, I don't. It's a sexual. Who knows? I don't know. Maybe I is something you can get rid of. D is something you have for life.

You know, like herpes versus gonorrhea. D is disease. Sexually transmitted is disease. STI, sexually transmitted Infection infection yeah, you get rid of the infection it goes away. Oh, I don't know I don't think it's that big a deal if you guys don't do it Yes, I don't do it. I'm sick Maybe do the Bible's telling me not to so Bible's telling me not to and I thought it was a religious thing for Jews Jews are instructed to circumcise yeah You should portnoy your kid People still tell me not to and... I thought it was a religious thing. For Jews.

Jews are instructed to circumcise, yeah. You should portnoy your kid. What's that mean? Just... Rape. You know what it means. Stop, you guys are insane. You should portnoy your child. I should portnoy my child?

Yeah. It means the minute he's born, you put a zit in his mouth and you put a phone in front of his face on DraftKings and he starts making bets. He's like, he has no clue what's going on. He starts a hitting thing. He's gambling. They're like, you need to do skin to skin.

We're like, I'm doing zen to zen. Very good, Jace. Very good. Now, end it with that terrible joke. No, that's good, Actually. Yeah, that was great Thanks, buddy. I fucking loved that. We should pull barstool and put that on a hat and sell nine million copies to retards Zen does in Zen does in Zen on Zen contacts Yep, for numbers. I just kept picturing double Vokadon

putting a little naked infant on his chest. Yeah. I don't know why I can picture that. With two slices of bread on either side of it. Wrapped in wax paper. He goes, check out the sectional. And then he just cuts the cake. And he spreads it.

God damn it. Yeah, for double Vokadon, maternity ward is like an episode of Is It Cake. Yeah. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him.

I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him.

I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him.

I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and get him. I'm gonna go and Again, we have a Lemon Party golf episode out. I'm sorry that Patreon was going down and then removing the video, but it is up. Obviously, even though the baby's coming, we still are, we're putting out content. We're not missing the pod. We're putting out the golf stuff. We're going on the road.

Again, you can get tickets at benavery.live or lemonparty.live. San Diego La this june then seattle portland. We're finding a place in san francisco. I got good connections We are going to come to sf even though the venue dropped us It's still happening. Thanks to you guys. Thanks to your support. Thanks to you guys for emailing all the comedy clubs they've actually the fans have booked us around the Uh united states now by emailing clubs and asking and then they reach out to me. So yeah

That's sick. We're actually doing SF Where we got to find a new place? So, you know, Cassine Bentley Yeah, actually giving me a ton of places we can we can play so we got people in the LP. I love Cassine. He's the best He's the absolute best. He's absolutely Coming through on this. So anyway Goodbye everybody. Bye Out in the west, Texas, town of El Paso, I fell in love with an accident girl. and nighttime play the night the

yes was I was in love but in vain I could tell. One night a while young Calmore came in, wild as the West Texas wind.