lemonparty - 147: Human Worms

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

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Are we all right Are you like my house a girl Are we on my face? Always in my face Talking missing Girl I end up Are we on? Oh, wow. Okay.

Hello, everybody. Hey, guys. Oh, there he's doing the thing. Hey, he's doing the soy face. Nice. A little quick one. You got to do, yeah, they should get quicker and quicker. You should actually just sit back there and just, like, point real quick.

You should run in. You should do, like, a drive-by, soy face. Testing check. Sounds good. Now, I want to start this real quick. I'm hungry. What's up? I'm a little hungry, too.

I want to apologize to you guys, even though I think it was fine, but, like, I really hijacked last. episode. You're really very self-conscious about that, when I came over. You were brilliant. Relax. I've had anxiety all week about it. Thank you to everybody that really, really enjoyed the

shit show, and it is entertaining. I get that and I appreciate that. I also want to apologize to the people that listen for, you know, two-dimensional comedy. Wait, what do you mean? I feel like it was being pretty one-dimensional. It was pretty

insane. Oh, it wasn't even two dimensions. It was one. It was a one dimensional something happened. I think I slightly, I woke up the next day and I didn't think I did anything. The next day I woke up and I was like, yeah, we went to the Tesla diner. I fucking spoke to some people. It was a normal. I was very witty. It was classic shit. I was witty. I talked to some people, you know, it was fine.

Then it came out and around 930 p.m. The night it came out, I I reading all the comments, they're like, this Devon's on hand. This is insane. Holy shit. I'm like,

what the hell did I do? And I clicked on the timestamp when I'm talking to the Mexican family's family. And I could only listen for about a minute. And I turned it off because I was like, I don't think I've ever heard myself be that drunk. And I've had, there's been nights where I've had way more drinks than that.

They just haven't been recorded. I got hit. Yes, I got hit. I, by the way, I had one of J.S. Tito's nips. The shooters, yeah. The shooters. Okay? I wasn't like just downing nips, but I was drinking a little bit before.

It was at the end of a long week. This doesn't make me sound great. It was at the end of a long weekend. I had the drink to even, like, get excited to do the episode to, like, speak. And then I was like, oh, fuck, I forgot. Ben wants to go to, like, the Tesla diner. We did it. I know you guys didn't want to go, but I wanted to go.

Yeah. So. By the way, I did update my Tesla. I'm talking to Grock all the time now. I had to update the firmware. I'm talking to Grock. It's been raping me on the freeway. I go, Grock, please rape me.

And then it starts doing a whole thing about how I'm being raped. You walked in. It's unbelievable. You walked into record today, maybe the most Kramer interest you've ever done to Devon's house. Because you walked in, you're like, check it out. Grock can rape me now. And Grock is calling you the N-word hard R. That's right.

Leaning into it. Really leaning into the end. It's not a safe space. Yeah, anyway. Sorry, Devin, we. I know, but I also, honestly, for you guys, I listened to, like, a little bit more, I couldn't get, it was making me so uncomfortable. I just felt like I, I interrupted our thing, you know? I maybe did a thing, like, that was, like, really wildly entertaining and ridiculous, but it wasn't the best Lemon Party episode in my mind, because I felt like, I felt like, I felt like, I felt like, I felt like, yeah, well, that's, well, that's, I think that's, Devin's, Devin takes umbrage with that fact is the problem.

Yeah, I was almost a little creeped out by how much people loved me. And thank you, but I'm saying also I know there's got to be some minority of people out there that go, this sucks. Like, what the fuck? He's listening to a drunk idiot. Prithinkie's towing the line. It just sounds like an insane person. And I understand that as well. And I apologize.

And I'm not doing that badly. I'm okay. I don't have wet brain. I'll be all right. Anyway. But I'm happy Yeah, it's good It's good it happened

There needs to be ebbs and flows to things Like, you know, Howard Stern is responsible For a lot of women killing themselves Oh, I used to make fun of retarded people We like to, you know, occasionally There's got to be a little crazy thing here And I'm glad it was a little sloppy But at the same time I want people to know

I'm not like unaware And I'm not just like moving on with my life Like I kick ass and blah You know I'm glad And I want everyone to know that those Mexicans They were looking at me And laughing their ass off and smiling And that's why I kind of, I was just, I thought it was like, I could just keep going

because they were all smiling and laughing at me. Because they're so uncomfortable. They seemed completely okay with it honestly. They were like, they're probably hanging themselves right now for the sake of America. So they were like, they're like, no, like, do more about like how I stink. Or they just think ICE is like, I don't know, ice, they hire like a retarded guys that are hammered, like, and they hold microphones. I think the majority of people said they want this to be a regular weekly thing where we drive around and you scream about people.

Yeah, we do racist j-walking. What I'm saying is I did that. Jay, just a letter J-walking. The J-s-walking. You know what? Why I did that? Why you screamed at minorities about... Because I want to be respected by Mark Maren.

Sure. And I figured that would be the type of thing he'd love. there was an interesting comment where people kept saying they love how liberal they go oh liberal devon okay and that's fair too because I thought they called you a liberal for that up yeah that was just hilarious in my mind I did think I was not liberal but I thought I was doing

like in my drug I mean they call South Park like woke lives that is true it's a whole episode of them killing dogs but I do think because I don't I gotta say I don't remember having that I remember talking to a family I don't remember ever saying any of that stuff until I watched a little bit of it and they made me horribly uncomfortable I turned off

This is what you do every time you're drunk, by the way. Not every time. I usually remember. When you're that drunk, that's pretty much what you do. I didn't eat that much that night, and I don't do that. And also, has anyone ever fought me? People always know I'm a charming, lovable guy, and I'm not coming from. I have a ridiculous voice, and they could hear the irony and the sarcasm in my voice.

Even that Mexican family that barely spoke a lick of English. But what I'm, yeah, I think in my mind I did think like, but guys, you're at the Tesla diner. This guy was a part of the Trump. who has a camp surrounded by alligators for your people. So I think I was like, I thought I could keep getting away with it, but it didn't, it didn't sound that way. I told you upstairs, I thought it was very funny, by the way. I was the only thing, I was like, I was like, I can't believe he's able to do this in front of people. I was like, I just cringe too much.

I'm a pussy. I think that I told you upstairs, it was like you were doing like a Colbert report thing, but the problem was you were so drunk. You couldn't think of anything witty, so you're just like, do you care that the time? So a robot thinks you're a beaner. Never called them slurs. I never called them slurs until after we left. Until the minute the window went up. No, but we were doing the Valentina Gomez's bit about how they must think that they're hooked into the thing, too.

I hated that we couldn't leave at any moment. I wanted you to peel off like that scene in the naked gun. We were hooked into the chargers. You were just stuck there. I wanted you to rip it out of the wall. Because I watched, I also, another reason I'm apologizing because I watched the video and I've never seen YouTube completely disozing. associate. I thought, I think there was a part of me that thought... You see me dissociated

before. Yeah, for sure. But I think when I watched A career in dissociation. I watched two minutes of it. And I, and you guys are palming your heads and like, you guys are like shaking and stuff. And I go, maybe we maybe I thought we weren't even recording which is even worse. So you're holding

a mic that doesn't work to these families? Doing an interview, but I'm like, oh, we're like, we're waiting. I think the problem is you had a microphone. So in your in your big wet brain, you're like, I'm God right now. I have the microphone. I've had a Mexican guy and a wifebeater come up to my car and punch the glass like he wants to kill me in traffic. Because we had a traffic to spit.

So you're yelling about just Mexicans and I don't even know what. And I'm like, ah, fah. But in my mind, in my drunk mind, I was like, we're at the Tesla diner. I'm like, how are you coming here from Mexico to the place with the guy owns this place and your car that supported the guy that is. For sure. The National Guard is in the street. Devin, have you considered this? You kick ass, and me and Jace were a huge

bussies. We would never yell that at a Mexican family. We're libs. You rule, actually. We were liberal out. You need to stop apologizing for Devin, you're winning so much right now. You're saying, how can I be winning this much I need to start losing? I say just keep winning. Keep winning.

Listen, that's all fun. Are you winning, son? That's all fun and listen, you're right. You guys are lib cut. You guys are posies. Thank you. Me and Jace can't, like, be confrontational at all. Yeah, yeah. I didn't even care about... I just can't, like, look people in the eye, apparently.

I don't even care about the racial stuff. I'm like, throw a sombrero at them. I don't give a shit. These aren't people to me. I... I... I go, these are robots who ride don't know, these are robots who ride don't think they're people.

I am just deathly afraid of getting in trouble because I have a pussy brain. That's all. That was literally the... I thought the guy with the afro was going to come over to us and, like, just hit us with a fucking shotgun or something. Yeah, and I understand that. I understand anyone that fucking hated it, too. I really completely do.

I'm not in love with myself over that. But I want to let everyone know that when I was yelling, when we drove off and I was yelling at people, that they're all going to be in camp soon. Those were not Mexicans. They were just, like, fat white families, like, waiting in line. I was just yelling. Wait, so now you do remember who you were yelling at?

I remember that specifically. You do, very. I remember when I yelled at the window like, camps, camps are everybody. You're all going in camps. No, actually, I think there was a black security guard you yell. yelled that at and he turned and was like he just did that. Yeah, he had a very small afro. Yeah, and the point was that they were they working

for Tesla and they were all going to be in Tesla camps. Right, you're woo. Trump camps. You're being woo. Dude, it was 5D Lib Jess. Anyway, I'll stop apologizing, but yeah, that's a lot for me to have out there for the rest of my life. I guess I should have ran it by

you. I didn't know it'd make you so uncomfortable to roll and kick out. I think I guess it's fine and I think I think people, they know me. I guess where my anxiety came from is, like, anyone that's, that's their first impression of me. Sure, sure. You know, that's all. I didn't think about it once, to be honest, after we recorded.

Good. Yeah. I mean, you're just sort of a drunk maniac. It is what it is. You know, what's really annoying? Which I told Jace is that I had gone, like, which is, it makes me sound like more of an alcoholic to have the days. I had gone, like, I hadn't drank for, like, 13 days. I told you not to defend yourself with the number of days, because it sounds really bad.

But I got to give it up. I have to be. It was 10. No, it was 13. I went 13 days and then Ryan Donahue comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something happened with somebody. Sure.

And he got a, he was abandoned in L.A. And so I was like, oh, I haven't seen this guy in like a year and a half. And he was really sad and he really wanted the drink. And I was like, oh, right. And then it turned into a two-day thing. And then we recorded. And then I was like, well, I can't even think today. And I forgot we got to do fucking.

You were already drinking a little bit. I drove up, I was feeling a little down, so I got shooters at the liquor store. You brought six Tito's nips. Ben, I gave Devin one shooter, so if anyone's to blame, it's me. It was one, but for whatever reason it hit me in a bizarre way. And anyway, we can move on from it. Well, you're on that Silver Lake diet of spinach and everything,

which I love that you take care of yourself so well. That is also, is it? I'm not eating... You're too healthy. I'm not eating badly. You're too healthy. That's why you're a drunk. Exactly. I'm weight. I'm so healthy. I'm a drunk. Think about it. If you were a great big fat guy, you could have drank all that and been fine, and then you wouldn't have yelled anything in anyone.

And then a little bit of a fucking boring episode. Exactly. And you didn't even order food. I've seen a lot of complaints about that. Get better. Oh, well, I have developed, like, an autoimmune disorder. I went to CPK with Jace and then the kids. Yeah, we went to after the mall.

I woke up the next morning, like, a guy in a civil war. You really? You got the gay fetichini pasta that made me sad, and it still hurt you? Yeah, and then I ate the bread, and I dipped it in the oil. Not the fetichini, he got the zucchini pasta, like the fake, not noodle pasta. Oh. And then I ordered the pizza from my daughter knowing she doesn't even like the pizza, and she's not going to eat it, and then I get to have it. It was sad because you kept...

Yeah, that's a good move. You kept putting the pizza slices on her plate, and she would kind of suck on them and throw them to the side. You're like, oh, she wants some more, and then you need to grab three. That is funny. There was like a guy cheating in Vegas. He was, like, palming to... Like, gave his daughter one. You're buying your daughter, like, David Lynch films for her birthday.

I mean, like, oh, you'll appreciate it something. I'm going to put it on. No, I literally watch her just pick up a slice of pepperoni, like, lick it, and then just kind of push the pizza. You bought zucchini pasta at... It's, like, 450 calories at CPK. Yeah, but I bet it's smothered... Child porn kitchen.

You bought... But it's smothered in butter and, like, oils. So maybe that was it that fucked you up. I don't know. Before that, me and Jace, we had ramen at the mall. It was a day where I went back. went bang bang and with the junior ramen in the CPK we were out with the kids jace was in town we were having fun the next day i was like i can't do this anymore and you had been being

really good with your diet up until that day uh well i there was a three-day bender kind of leading i i was in a sketch uh that hopefully is coming out soon you need a bunch of cheese i ate pizza yeah and then i had i drink a bunch of cheese and drink coke on set for the bit and then after i ate a bunch of dominoes with the cast and crew and then i you know and then he was like do you want the domino's home to your kids and I was like sure and then I went home I didn't give any of it to my kid at all or my wife and I ate the whole thing right did you keep it in a separate room did you hide it in a closet so you keep going back to it to the safe to the safety deposit box yeah it's like a gun safe national you'll go over your shoulder and you put you just put in

four one four eight eight spin a big wheel and then grab the pizza old dominoes from a set yeah with flies coming off of it it's like waxy Reaching past two guns and a Hitler Bible and then grabbing a pizza pizza out of a gun safe. A Hitler Bible. A Hitler Bible. The Hitler Bible. The Hitler Bible. They crucified him on a big age. So, yeah, it was like a two-day bender because I had been so good. And then it just all came back. I was in an insane amount of pain. So whatever.

It was a good day that we went to the mall. I got to see that Chinese guy that hurt your daughter. I got to stare at him. Yeah, there's this Chinese guy. There's this Chinese conductor at the Topanga Mall. I think we talked about him. He's Chinese and he's very Chinese. He operates the little toy train, all the kids ride in. My daughter's obsessed with this train. We go and we ride the train.

We ride the train and then we go to the Capital One Cafe. He tries to crush your daughter's feet. He's like, oh, they're already small. Well, he's the only guy who keeps trying to make a right turn on the tray track. He keeps trying to crash it. The blinkers on the entire time. But I did watch him. She was going around and he was.

she's giggling, having a great time, and every time they went past the Asian guy train station, he would just go hi, hello, and then just like wave with both hands at her like that. It was cute, but he was... I think so I'm having kind of an issue right now with the pedophiles. The pedophiles are

back out. They're in season. I don't know what's going on. At the mall? There's pedophiles at the mall. There's pedophiles in the Indian restaurants. I'm running into pedophiles left and right now. There's pedophiles at an Indian restaurant, say it isn't so... My wife was trying to breastfeed at the Indian restaurant. I felt like I was in Jurassic Park,

like we were running through a field. Well, that's like trying to, that's like dropping. You said it was like pulling out a lamb leg in Jurassic Park. That's like dropping a sucker on an anthill and being like, why are they fucking eating my sucker? God damn,

I can't trust these ants with anything. A titty being sucked on by a baby. It's a hat on a hat for Indian people. No, they literally get them fights in the back because they don't know who's going to jack off first. somebody has to cook the non but you know

they don't they don't they don't care about your daughter they want her shit that sweet sweet baby shit they're pedophiles for baby shit no there's a moment I guarantee you been one in the bathroom

he changed the diaper and they threw in the trash can and they were he was like okay goodbye and they're like bye just looking over bye and then the minute that door shuts

it into some vindaloo All right, let's get on, India. I'm imagining a drive-thru bank in India where you can, like, pull up and you put your diaper in those little tubes that shoot it. You, like, put a turd into it and then shoot it in. But it just keeps spraying across the side. She's an Indian guy behind glass with his mouth open,

waiting for the tube. And then he puts in one rupee and sends it back to you. No, there's a fucking Mexican pedophile outside the train. Oh, you pointed this guy out to me. So when the train's going round and around, There's this, Devin, are you familiar with one of these? Ventura, the Valley has some crazy stuff going on, man. Oh, yeah.

One of the crazy things they have going on. They always have the Wetzel's Pretzels. They have the Cinnabon right there. They have all that stuff. We all know and appreciate it. Wetzel, Cinnabon, Army Recruitment Center, Lulu Lemon. You can buy a Lubu and a shotgun. You can do whatever you want there.

They don't care. A Ouija board and, you know, a barrel of acid. Yeah. right there they have this place called Serial Twister Jason I pointed this out to you Yeah he did point it out to me Like I wasn't clocking it from a mile

Oh yeah I go oh what they make cereal ice cream I don't know I had no idea what that is Four tabs on your phone open with Best cereal ice cream You buy at Twisters Reddit I think it's called Serial Twister Oh what? Oh I had no idea they had that

Anyway I mean if you want to get it I'll get it with you It was called... It looked insane. We were also at the mall at, like, fucking... You know, you're on baby time, so we're at the mall at 9 a.m. Right, right, right.

You're just watching a guy prepare the ice cream fucking Captain Crunch store. I've never seen this at the mall. No, but it's like, yeah, it's like frozen yogurt, ice cream with all sorts of... The Topengamol also... You can't crunch in it. Yeah, the Topengel Mall also... Half the stores are designed, like, the Whipat canisters. You see at gas stations.

Yeah. They'll have, like, like, well... like Willie Wonka, but he's got like a do rag on. No, this is like, you know when people like love their dog too much and they like get it like cakes and ice creams for its birthday and shit? It's like dog friendly puppuccinoes and stuff. This is for dog people. Look at that.

Even in that, even in that ice cream cone, it looks like it's chocolate dog tree. They're shaped like wishbones. They're milk bones. That would be better for you to eat dog food ice cream than the cereal ice cream. So they got the 50 name brand cereals behind the things you can pick out. And then they're huge ice cream. As I'm going round and round on the train. Once I get on the train, I'm locked in for six to seven minutes as we're going round and round.

The Chinese man keeps going, do, do, to, too, too. My daughter loves it and waves. He's blowing a wood and train whist ladder every time. He just goes, hoo-hoo. He's building the track as it's going. There's other babies screaming at him. He's in a frantic mass. He keeps running around.

There's another baby on a horse smoking a cigarette. going like moving faster boy we got to get to Tucson by Friday as we're going around and around this Mexican guy comes out of the serial twister to the side and he kind of looks

like he kind of looks like remember when Sarah Connor meets the family that has all the guns in the desert in the desert yeah he looks like one of those guys but he's Mexican and he's got like a handlebar type mustache and he's looking a giant fucking ice cream

with like twicks and all the classic nine in the morning. Nine in the morning. Just the Mexican, the valley bullshit of like it's colorful. The blood sugar's low. Yeah.

He's licking it. Well, it opens at 10 a.m. Right. Which has been fast. That's his orange juice. Yeah. With his breakfast. Well,

a little treat for me. 9, 900 calories Captain Crunch ice cream. And he's not just licking it. Ben pointed this guy out to me. He goes, that's the pedophile who comes to the train station and watches the kids. And I look over him.

I see him tongue-fucking the ice cream that he's holding. He tongue fucks ice cream and then he presses his groin into the fence because there's a fence that goes around the train so people can't get in front of it and like die because there's people there on many drugs and that's why I take my child there

and I'd be like look like laughing. It's unfortunately the safest place in the valley. It is. Topanga Mall. So he presses his penis and balls that are in his fucked up, tucked blue jeans because he tucks his shirt into this big belt with jeans and then presses his shit.

So this is what kids do, by the way, when they're like three or four, they are masturbating by like wiggling around in their seat because the sensory of it feels good, but they don't know what they're doing. That's what he's doing by pressing up against the cold fence while he licks ice cream. And his head, he's not doing a good job of hiding the fact that he's watching me and my daughter. His head follows us in a circle the whole time, like a sprinkler hat. He looked like when a dog sees a squirrel through a window. No, that's what he looked. He should have been, like, up against the bars, like, scratching at it, like, a fucking dog. He looks crazy.

And I think this is because of MAGA, and because, like, just Lane is probably going to get part in and, you know, the president's a pedophile. I think, you know, mag is bringing back pedophilia, and he's like, fuck it. I'm going to go eat ice cream and, you know, play pocket pool down at the Topanga Mall. That's his version of America being great again, being a patophile in public, like the 50s. Well, they're not scared anymore. They're probably not scared. He was rattling his thick along the chain link fence. like it was a prison cell and he had a little tin cop it was crazy what if you start getting bullied by

pedophiles where they're riding bikes around you like in the sandlot they go hey what's up mature fucker it's got to be you're gonna get some grown-up pussy has your 32 year old wife doing huh it's got that grandma you're fucking it's got to be incredibly conflicting to be a mexican pedophile right now under this administration well first of all it's half where you're like I should I should you know I should be an alligator Alcatraz but I also like they might let me out because I fuck with them. I think if they weren't underreported in the Mexican community, I think it'd be half. Well, you know, I don't mean the...

I don't know. I think it's... Devin, Devin, you've been forgiven. It would be 50%. I've heard there's a lot of... Everybody's got a... A lot of Mexican friends and families of mine. There's always a Tia in the family that's...

It's Tia, right? Bill... Or is it Tia. Tia's the aunt. And they're such a loyal people. They love family so much. They'll still go to the funeral. the pedophile who molested uh i looked at like a lot of people have like 15 victims on average 20

victims they'll go to the funeral of the pedophile and they'll say the kid they'll get up on one more time for him get up on his you're gonna ride his corpse what he would have wanted as a tribute because they love the dead so much you know yeah yeah yeah yeah they got a bad pedophile problem dia delos petto it's the day the day of the pedo yeah it's when the skeletons come to rape when the spooky skeletons come to molest children. I'm not going to be silent on this. So this guy like, do you ever

consider getting up and having a moment? Be like, what the fuck out? What are you fucking doing? You know what, Devin? I thought about it. He's not hurting anybody. He runs into a phone booth and he puts on a Raiders jersey and comes out really scary. Mexican, like, Superman. I'm Superman.

Just Dickie's tan, Dickie's shorts on, high socks, Nike Cortez's, Randy Moss Raiders jersey. Gigantic fucking Nike Cortez's. You know, I was a pedophile. Now I'm Mexican Superman. You're like, what is Mexican Superman's party?

He's like, I can make anyone retarded in a parking lot of Dodgers Stadium. I'll fucking cave your school. I'm one of the guys who tried to kill Wolverine in that movie. He goes, I come out of the phone booth and everyone's a Giants fan. You're all getting it. The Oakland Rapers. Raper Nation Fool. It is funny

The Raiders were like They're like the team for like rapists Oh yeah yeah It's a pirate with an eye patch on Who's done horrible It's the Northman team It's the team for the Northman Al Davis should have been like

Just Rape baby Yeah Just rape baby Just rape baby Just rape holding out the Super Bowl ring Just rape baby Yeah dude What goes on in your mind

You honestly dude He genuinely thought he was a pedophile He's not hurting anybody You know He's not hurting anybody In that moment He's just watching He's just watching.

And by the way, there's other kids on the train. Sometimes there's other kids around. He's focused on my kid. I'm a little flattered by the whole thing. Can I be honest here? Non-joke answer, I want to kill that guy. Right. I want to kill him.

I want to get out of the train tracks and kill him. And it seems like you're the only one with self-awareness. I want to kill all pedophiles. Were you the only one aware? Was anyone else around on the train track? Like, what is that guy doing? Of course I'm the only one aware. No one knows what's ever going on.

I'm the only person I feel that is paranoid and has their head on a swivel. He's eating cereal. Everybody's out to get me all the time. This guy has this fat retard's, like, eating, like, frozen yogurt, like, cereal out of a hat. He bought it lids. What if I just realized this guy has, like, Down syndrome? So, by the way, they drop off people with IDD all the time at the mall, and they walk around with their little lunches, and they're very sweet, and they sit and talk to each other. And they clearly all live in an adult IDD.

And by the way, the person not to be, not to be mean, the person that runs that, that little bust that takes all those people. They drop them off at the ball. They drop them off at the mall. They eat sandwiches at the food pool. They must hope that they have, like, final destination. deaths like in the escalator right like they must hope that their shoelaces get stuck in the escalator and they just get crunched to death not to be mean right you kind of see you're like a hope maybe oh yeah no you hope you pull that car back up like five hours later and you go like

oh no did two of the down syndrome pedophiles i dropped off get eaten alive by the escalator at the mall oh no he he laid his head in front of the train tracks and got decapitated oh no i don't think you can be tried for pedophilia if you have down syndrome i think that's True? No, that's President Avery. Oh, okay. That's President Ben Avery. That's day one.

But, you know, that's what pedophiles would say. They go, I have down syndrome. I think I'm a kid. Yeah, but you can do some skull size measurements. You know what I mean? Right. Your honor, my client has down syndrome. That's what I was defending a pedophile.

He's like, he has down syndrome. He just talk. Shut up with your, he has a good vocabulary, unfortunately. But he's a down syndrome. He takes his child. Yeah, you tell him before the trial, be like, do a lot of neck exercise. You got to get that neck way up. I need your traps to be.

fucking huge. Yes. If I had a pet, if I was defending a pedophile in court, I'd fucking have some, I'd have like the rock come in and punch him in the head. A bunch of times his head's all swollen. And I'd bring him a big, he's not. We're going to swell your head. We're going to give you a military style haircut. He thinks he's a kid, Your Honor. Your Honor, look at his shorts. They're all that weird acrylic, starter short from the 2000s. I go, don't put him in prison

for life or kill him. Put him in a home and zap him. Zap his, just zap his head. Your Honor, he's dressed like Every fat kid in 2003. Your Honor, please. Can you let him just develop a relationship with a gigantic Native American man instead? Your Honor, he's wearing gigantic yellow acrylic shorts that are caked and come. This man has Down syndrome.

You know what next time, Ben, you're there? You bring me. I'll come out at 9 a.m. And I'll fucking scream at that guy, especially if he's Mexican. He's the first in line at first serial twister. I think he has some sort of churro cereal. I think that's why he does cinnamon toast sometimes. I think he brings his own special cereals from home.

But he might be just a fucking Mexican Down syndrome guy. I don't really know. Yeah, that's the thing. You never know. But he's dressed like a vicaro. See, he's dressed like he's in the rodeo. He has a cowboy hat on? He has the straw hat. Oh, wow.

He's got the... Yeah, he's like Gardner, Mexican. He looks like he belongs in a tremors. He should be some side character that's sucked between a big tractor tire in the desert by a giant worm. Yeah. I don't know if you've seen that movie, but that's how he would die. That's how that guy, a Mexican pedophile eating ice cream should die by a worm, swallowing him up from underneath the earth.

I want to kill that guy, though. I actually want to kill him. I am flattered, though. Thank you. Can you call the cops on a... You know, I have good genetics. Can you call the cops on... Maybe he wants to fuck me, by the way.

That's the thing. Maybe you're being an asshole. Maybe he's a homosexual guy. What if you walk out to him one day, you're like, all right, you fuck. I know you want to fuck my daughter and you're like, you're like, no, I'm just closet. I'm really clausied. I have to fuck these bars. I have to, I wait every morning

at Twisters. Or he wants to fuck the train. Yeah, maybe he has like that like a TLC disease. Maybe he wants to fuck the Chinese guy. Yeah. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's gay for really dumb old Chinese people. Yeah, who are conductors, who are train conductors? He watches and blows that big wooden train whistle and he's just like licking his lips.

just imagine it it's his cock yeah yeah oh jace we have to read the ad we're halfway through here yeah anytime we talk about pedophilia i have to read an ad for hello fresh hello fresh lemon party fans already know hello fresh they send chef crafted recipes and fresh ingredients to your home but this summer they made their biggest menu upgrade yet everything hello fresh makes is now bigger healthier and tastier hello fresh has doubled its menu now with bigger portions, choose from 100 options each week, including new seasonal dishes and recipes from around the world. And with their new veggie-packed recipes, that'll have two or more veggies, you'll be eating greener than ever. So if you're, for example, a Mexican petify who has to go

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Get a box into you, fill the fridge up, you cook your own meals. So thank you, HelloFresh. And we can go back to talking about the Topanga Mall now. Thanks, hello, fresh. And all the wicked things you see there. Speaking of what we were talking about how Mexicans, they all sort of molest each other. Sure. A big rat king of molestation.

Sure. It reminded me of the Whitaker's. Did you guys know the Whitakers are now celebrities? I love the Whitakers. You know there's celebrities now? Yeah, I was just at their place. We watched The Bicycle Thief together. They had a lot of interesting takes on it.

I love this family. Wait, they're out? They actually found a town? Wait, Ben, are they on social media? Have they ever seen a building before? I got a picture with them early. We're about to find out. Do they know what colors are?

So I saw this while I was driving, I was talking on the way where I was talking to Grock. And then I started looking at the Whitaker's and this, I found this on Instagram. Because I was wondering what they were up to. I had no idea they were online. Look, hold on, go back then. There's celebrities are like, we want to take a picture and they're just like, and they're just like barking and shit? But they take them to Golden Corral, which imagine being a Whitaker at a Golden Corral.

Oh, that's like, yeah, that's like being Michael Jordan at the All-Star game. Do they even know what he's using to take a picture? Do they even know what that is? No, they think that's the Black Swear from BLM. They start screaming at it. You got to give these guys Facebook if they don't have it already. But, yeah, I mean, look, they're totally back. Do they know what a car is?

For more content, please subscribe to the Whitaker Family YouTube channel. This is what I bookmarked so we could look it up. Okay. One more time. You want those? Hi. Hi. Oh, guys, I think I know what this is.

That, next to the guy with the crude cut, I think he's been giving them chips and candy in exchange for monetizing their existence. Oh, yeah. Because he's been in two videos now so far. And they can't, they don't know any better. No. They're just like, they're just like, they probably tripped your heart.

They're just barking. Look at the dogs. I know. I feel sad for those dogs. They have to run the household. The dogs feed them. The dogs put water out for the Whitakers. The dogs are like, we're going into town.

Yeah. The dogs are like, we have to go to adult children. Be good. The dogs are like, we have to go to adult children of alcoholics meeting because we had to raise our masters growing up. So look, they're vlogging now. Why did I think the Whitakers wouldn't get into the fucking influencer game? I didn't think they would be able to do it. I mean, somebody's running this whole thing for them because they are. Of course.

It's this George Zimmerman looking guy. I don't even know how the Whitakers know how to breathe. I don't know how they remember. remember how to breathe. Watch the whole softwood underbelly on them. It was amazing. They're all barking, their asses off. They're great.

I love this thing. Jace, they shop at Aldi. Another reason. I think they're sold at Aldi. I think you walked out, Aldi, you see one of the barking Whitaker in a freezer, and you can pull them out. They're actually the only slaves that wouldn't be bought.

You, like, the useless slaves. They'd be like the fruit cake of slaves. Yes, exactly. They're, like, given away every year. The panatone of slaves. an awful, disgusting Italian fruitcake. So I vote for this one. They take them to IHop. Okay. Yeah, let's do that.

Can I say I love that they're all so retarded. It's made them three feet tall, you know? Yeah. They all look like that photo of Jimmy Carter and Joe Biden. What is that? Is that... I guess this is the... This is their town in West Virginia. He's showing the route

to their house, I guess. Just probably violating their privacy in every way possible. That rules. He goes, turn on this. road. So beautiful in West Virginia. They're like, yeah, we butt fuck Ned Bady 30 years ago. I came in Ned Bady's, yeah.

Somehow they're speaking. The only time they do speak is they go, I fucking gizzed all over Net Bady's butt checks. I fuck that little piggy board and John Vutz threw me off the waterfowl. But I live, my thing. That one little pushy fag who jumped off the boat, my son was in a little guitar duo with him for a second. My son, the smartest member of my family, the boy with the Pentagon head. It's hard to do jokes about them because they don't have references for anything. So it feels like it's actually not a good joke to say like, well, I'm going to feel like they're in a car now.

Like I want to be like, oh, wow, what is he, the spaceship? It's like, but they don't even know. They don't know what a spaceship is, yeah. Or a spaceship is. They don't know what red seats are. You've never roasted a bird before. I've no clue what to say. Birds are way more intelligent.

They think they're in a... Devin, they think they're in a house made of pancakes right now. They think it's like 3D printing with pancakes. I don't know if they know what pancakes are. They don't know what anything they're... They don't know what's happening right now.

Oh my God. I also had no idea. These people could be 13 for all that. Wait, he made an AI song about taking them to I-Haw? Yeah, he made an AI song about the Whittaker family. This is like P.T. Barnum of this fucking guy. I mean, he also set him up all on one side of the booth so he could film all of them being retarded at once.

He's pouring syrup on the menu. Timmy's pouring syrup on the menu, shoving it in his mouth. He starts panicking because he's trapped in the kids' maze. He can't get out. I take a blue crown, two yellows, and a red. What do you take back to the chef? Like three barks and a wolf? They literally, they speak and been dog noises.

I mean, if you've seen the... Yeah, of course. Yeah. The chef, you know what? He probably tries to ask them what they want. They bark. The chef, yeah. He goes, all right, five Rudy, Tutti, Frick.

Western foodies. Exactly. Yeah. I got one moon's over my hammy for Deborah, the only intelligent one. Oh, is she kind of the leader of the family? I think there's one leader. Which one is it? Is she there? Is it the one on the left? I don't know. I just like, but I just like think women are better than us. So like I believe that that woman's smart for some reason. Ah man. Because look, she has the most. Oh, no, I got the same guy. Look, he's zooming in on him using the knife because he's so bad. That guy's about to kill himself with that fucking knife. Like he told him to put it down. They're all drinking milk. Oh my god I don't even know how these people know how to like put shirts on and pants and stuff They're all you know they're all this shitting and pissing themselves all throughout the day

They've been shitting and pissing themselves the entire time they're at this eye home Slighting all over the boots Yeah, I bet everything edited out is him screaming get in the fucking truck Let me be. Yes, yeah. Woon, you guys go home and watch parasites. I like imagining them as centipiles. Criterion collection.

Criterion, they're like, whoo! I want to watch Larry Clark's bully tonight. I want to put in killer a man. It's been a minute. I need to revisit that class. Oh. All right. She has smokers' lung and she's never smoked to sick.

She's just been eating insulation for 30 years. Doctor says I got dry while, love. I got ceiling lung. Yeah, doctor says I got popcorn lung. I kept trying to breathe popcorn. She's about to choke herself to death with that seatbelt. She's literally wrapped it around their neck. I think he thanked him for coming out.

They're so old, too. It's, like, kind of beautiful that they're so dumb. They, like, forget to die. What did you say? I got to fight you're going to go. Oh, you're welcome. I do love guys like him, by the way, where they have such a big dip in. It looks like they have Bell's palsy.

Where they, like, did you have a stroke, sir? Or did you, are you upper-decky? Right, right, right. He goes, no, I had a stroke on the right-shot. I put the dip on the left because it bounces my face out. Makes you look normal-shadowed. And I'm the mastermind of these tards. Checks and balances, you know, man.

I'm Colonel Tom Parker for retards. I'm stealing out of their money. I thought we could have seen them sloppily eat pancakes, but we didn't... Oh, dude, look, he's reading him green eggs and ham. This is the most condes. This guy's an evil piece of shit. This guy's in his nice... He's in his nice home.

David, does he have a dinted in head? Yeah. Is that dinted on the top from what? Do they push it in when he was a guy? I'm guessing there's a bird that lands on him in packs. It's from the universe or a bald eagle, like, around pound that lives on his head. It's from the universe. It's from the universe.

The air itself was like, this guy sucks. Cave his head in. Yeah, when he was born, God said, you know what, just a little extra gift and then just tapped him on his fucking little gap. It's from God flicking his head going, I can't believe I made you fucking idiot. It's so funny to be like, fucking faggot. Fucking faggot. You guys.

give me a bad name. I'm supposed to be the creator of all. So funny to have an injury from the firmament. Just matter itself. What is funny is that he's probably the dumbest guy

on the face of the earth and he looks like a Russian philosopher. He looks like the UFCskeers. Yeah, exactly. You are like that guy solved like Planck's like constant or something. Like a formula they've been trying to get for 30 years.

Looks like that guy. Also, who gives him the goatee? Somebody's got to give that to him. Somebody's shaving him. Are you so retarded? He can only grow a goatie. Seuss. His tongue probably licks over here, and it takes the hair off, and he can't reach down here.

Oh, he, like a cat. That's how he grooms himself. Exactly. You know, they get, like, heat spots and stuff? Yeah, yeah. Hot spots. There we go. Say, I am Sam.

This is he's, you're going to see in a, you're just going to. a couple weeks he's going to have him be reading the Hello Fresh ads. Hey, hello, right. You're bad a hell. Come on a bad a help. Promote. Retired kid. Promo code.

Kill me. Promocco. Help me. Promocode guy's curse. God's turns. You know, actually, like, hold a pause at that. Let's have a deeper discussion about this for half a second. Sure.

No. It's ultimately very fucked up, because it's just, we're watching people that are going on, like, 70 years of age that they don't even know, like, they were never even given a fair shot to even learn, like, learn anything, right? They were genuinely, but here's the thing, are they, why do they see more? retarded than like when we have those videos where it's like a tribe that was never discovered. Yeah. I mean, they seem retarded too. Like they shoot arrows at like a boat coming. They have no clue what people are. I think they're

almost the perfect storm where they're genetically the most retarded person ever born. And they're also raised in the least educated part of the American South. Right. The Appalachian Hills or whatever. So they were genuinely like babies that were born but like who fed

them? I think they ate each other. These are the strongest that we're seeing. There's probably weaker ones that they fed off. What do you mean who fed them? I mean, who was the smart? Who was the person that had the intelligence to even be like, this baby's going to die. I need to give it water.

And then that's wrong, too. Like, how did they all even survive? Who was the person not? Who was the person that had the wits about to get them? Yeah, I want to know, who was the big retarded mom? Like, they were eating at like it was a puppy's belly. Yes. Exactly.

Like eight of them at a time just fighting for her belly. So there's no literacy. right in the house. I imagine no one is like reading. Yeah. I doubt there's like Wittgenstein like laying around or anything. Right. Yeah. So they can't if they can't read

they probably have no inner monologue, right? And when someone can't read, they usually can't make sense of the emotions within them. They don't know where things come from but they still feel things, so they still have instincts. So they still have that thing of like, I'm hungry, I need to get food.

They don't hear a voice that says that, but they feel that urge, their cells release that message to go eat something from the ground. Ben, you're right. It looks like a worm would. They have the same thing, you're right. They might be so, they're like, they're like, they're like worms. They're like, they're like earthworms.

Devin, if you chop them in half, both halves would live. They're worms. Ben, you might. They've all like, they've all been chopped in half multiple times throughout their lives. Yeah, they're blind. When it rains, they come to the surface and wiggle around. They just wiggle on the floor when it rains.

Oh, my God. If you vibrate a wooden stick near them, they freak out and start trying to run away. If you grunt near them. But, Ben, you might be right. They might be so retarded. They're like that early. What's the term bicameral man or whatever, where the man didn't know his own thoughts? Yeah.

So they might think thoughts are ghosts. Well, they're not even involved. Like, they can't really have thoughts because they can't speak. Yeah. So they're not only literate, they don't have English. So they don't have an interior voice. That guy might be sitting in his chair, like just writhing and shaking and foaming. And then in his brain, his brain goes, you're dying of thirst.

And he goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, he can't say who said that, but he's thinking who said that. Right. What spirit came and whispered those words to me. You're saying English is in the collective unconscious? No, just not even English, but just the thought like water, water. Yeah, need water. Yeah, it's the way of planning.

goes towards sun yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah like it's just you go towards they're like like flies they're like i need that shit yeah or that pussy because they still fuck you know they all fuck each other i think they jack off and they stick their hands yeah they get urges they just i think like months must go by where their balls just get really big full of cum and they're like oh oh and they go rape their mom and then have a baby with their mom right isn't that literally what's going on i don't think it's that i don't even think it's that. I think they jack off and then they come in their hand and they go, eh. And then they wipe

it on their mom's pussy. Yeah. That's how they get pregnant. Yeah. I can't believe we're not. They get pregnant how bees pollinate flowers. I can't believe we're not bigger on YouTube. Yeah. I think like 70% of people in prisons can't read above a fourth grade level. So I don't know if

correlation is causation there. Over half the country's illiterate. That's true. If you can read, you can lift yourself out of poverty, right? The hypothetical. Hypothetically, you can, so, like, I guess, like, if you can't read, you're more likely to be in poverty, and if you're in poverty, you're more likely to be violent, I guess. Do they even know what poverty is? Then? They have, I mean, how do they, what are the, where's their money? They've ejected from the system. Where's their money come from? They're actually the ultimate, like, Brooklyn, like, socialist. That's true. Yeah. They're completely, they've escaped capitalism. Yeah. Do they, like, get, like, I'm, I am genuinely curious. Do they get, like, welfare or unemployment checks?

How do they know how to cast the check? Yeah, like, genuinely, what's... Like, what happens? What's going on in West Virginia? I believe someone in the county looks after that. The sheriff knows about them, and then maybe some people come by and give them EBT or brings them groceries that cares about them. So they literally might be, like, one of them, like, runs into somebody's house, and they start barking, and they go, what is it, boy? What's a matter?

And they go, your mother's dying? And then they run over, and she's like, just... She's been calmed on so much. She's stuck to the chair. And she's just, eh! And then I get to get to... sheriff get the goddamn sheriff yeah the sheriff has to check on them because he's afraid spiders might eat them

are you saying she looks like david cross his character in a men and black yeah yeah she's like when he's stuck to the ceiling from the with the goo she's the people in aliens before they give birth to the fucking offspring she said kill me cue me and then you see one of the retarded the new retardant Whitaker's burst to her chest with a bald with a bald dinted in head and his eyes shut and he starts barking and then runs across the floor. I think that might, like stuff like that might happen. Who knows?

I'm just, I'm always confused. I'm confused when I, like, see, like, retarded homeless people. I'm like, how is this person like, not a person on drugs having a freak out, but I'm like, that person has no, no brain anymore. It's, it's, it's, like, how does that person get by? It's a native intelligence. It's like, a, it

is a thing, like, in every creature where you go, how does that, how does that abandoned baby deer even figure out what to do or how does that baby bear cup figure out what they just know water I'm going to eventually naturally have an instinct to go to the water and get food or something yeah drink out of a toilet if need be whatever yeah it's got to be yeah that's my version of like life is truly beautiful it is life finds a way

the Whitaker's actually proved life is beautiful no I this is we're a pro Whitaker podcast right now we are we are I feel very angry at this gentleman for exploiting them like this. I don't like that they're seeing the inside of a Jeep Grand Wagoner right now. They don't deserve that. They need to be in their wooden home. They think he's stealing their soul by videotaping them.

So I think even though they are abominations of God. Sure. Are they ultimately like, are they a cautionary tale? No, no. What's the caution? What's the warning? This is the...

Don't be retarded. Well, we hate people much more retarded than them. They're actually. like pretty pure. They're so retarded. They're their ultimate retard. Oh, it would be insane to be angry at these people. That would be crazy.

They're like, they're, they're dying. They're African diamonds. They're uncut. We hate retards that like should know better. Yeah. Way more than these people. Like the Ben's, Ben's pat-of-hot the mall who rubs his stuff on the cage. Yeah.

They don't make me mad. Why would you get angry at them? No, it's just funny. You need to make fun of them. Yeah. Yeah. They're, uh, but this is, you know, they're devolving. They're closer to,

a frog crawling out of a lake They're a flower growing into the earth They're closer to chimps actually Yeah In a weird way Chips might be closer to me than they are to the wickers Yeah I think a chimp would definitely beat these guys in a lap A chimp would start speaking around them

And go what the fuck is this shit They'd elect the chimp president Caesar from Planet of the Apes and go You're a retard Caesar take your pop time Caesar says no raping mom You are worms You are human worm

Can we name this episode human worms Yeah they are They're human worms They're human worms I can't believe I call them worms Human worms They're worms that smoke cigarettes Humans should co-up to the

Whitaker's and throw them in a lake to use them as bait. Yeah, you should, there should be like a co-op in Brooklyn where when you, like, get done with an apple core, you put in a big bucket in there, they're there and dirt. They should be eating all the apple cores and stuff. They should be used to, like, catch sharks or something by Japanese psychos. Yeah. Japanese psychopaths should be hitting up America for the Whitakers to use them to catch, like, you know, whatever, dolphins or all the, all the beautiful creatures that they eat.

Feed them at the orcas at SeaWorld. Yeah. Let the orcas open up their big mouth, because they need a kill every now and then to help protect the people. Shamoo. Well, you know what? Being like, I'm entrapped and these people were free. Well, no, that's the problem is they would try to feed the people to Shamu, but it would be like, if you give a snake a dead mouse who, like, doesn't want to eat it. Because Shamu would be like, these is too retarded to kill.

It doesn't bring me any joy. Yeah. They'd have to, like, shake it, like, in front of him or something. Yeah, or play some. Maybe you could play a three-card Monty thing where you. you put one of the Whittaker's under a cup and then you move it. And then the Orca can choose, you know,

and try to get it right. Yeah. Then it feels like a game where he won, right? Yeah, crowd cheering. They're like, it's the metal cup. What if the only way to get the Whitaker's to talk is you bring a black guy in front of them and they meet and they go,

Denson! Woo! Don't so! No, we go, very good, very good. Let's start from here. Let's start from here. You're like the miracle worker. He's like,

Neh, me, knee, you're like, come on. Yeah, come on. Go, come on. And it's like, yeah, it's like Jurassic Park. You're like, look, I'm teaching. Gur, you did it. It is that cool moment where it's the trope in a movie

where a lady has locked in syndrome and a psych ward and you start playing this. For 30 years she hasn't spoke or moved. And you start playing this song that awakens her. and she starts talking again. If you just brought one black guy to the Whitaker house. Yeah, it would be awakening.

They would all start forming thoughts. You bring one black guy to the Whitaker house, and they all, they're a barking right before this. They're all like, doof, woo, woo, woo! And you pull a black guy out of a car and present the black guy to the Whitakers, and they all go, and the mom goes, Ah, Dennis, get the road from the, they just start speaking perfect English. Dennis getting the road. Get the rope from the, and the other guy goes, I got you, mommy. I totally understand everything you ever said to me.

These are saying the 14 words. Now, but here's the thing, because you wanted to talk about it on a very deep level here. Can they, I'll invoke Lex Friedman here. Sure. The great Lex Friedman. They actually love Lex Friedman. This is Lex Friedman talking to Timmy Whitaker. What is love?

Timmy, can you love, even though you can only believe? even though you can only bark. Can you love, actually love? Can a dog love you? He died. He goes, Timmy Whitaker has chosen to die on my show. And then he plays Thunderstruck on his guitar.

In front of a dying, a dying incest, baby. Playing like smoke on the water. My guess, you might not all agree with him, but I think it's important to talk to all aspects of thought and life. Timmy's just like, And he was like, dun, dun, dun, dun, done, don't, don't, don't.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Do you believe a dog can love you? Yeah. Can you believe the fish can love you? Yeah. No. I don't think fish are the same thing. I think a fish can love.

I don't think fish do that. I don't. Fish don't have. If you jack it up enough, yeah, you love you. Oh, if you fuck the fish, would it come up to you and want to be fucked more? I think so, like, a dolphin, that dolphin, like, got jacked off by that lady in that that experiment. There's a fan.

species of fish, but, like, your basic fish, I don't think have that same. I think an octopus, an octopus could love you. So, let's say a dog, we all agree a dog can love you. Sure. Do you think the Whitakers are smarter than dogs? No, no. Okay, so. But they are dogs. What's dumber than a dog?

The Whitaker's are like a dumb dog. I've been around dumb dog. Can a dumb dog love you? Yeah. Okay, so can the Whitakers love? Yes. No, no, they deserve to be pet. You can pet them. So here's what's funny. Then we have decided, because this is why I brought this up, if they can love, that means they can hate.

Which means they could be viciously racist if they had the vocabulary. That's what I'm saying. That's why I feel like the only way to get them to speak is the pull out. Pull out. Pull out. Pull out the blacks. Pull out the blacks. Bring them out. Bring them out.

Now, true love is an interesting thing. I found a couple I believe to be in love. I found them on Instagram. I'll show you them right here. Okay. It's that classic Napoleon Dynamite. LaFonda situation Here This sort of

I actually love this couple By the way I just want to point that out When you have no idea what your man is talking about But you love him and listen anyway This man is a human podcast Listen to this By volume

The Saturn 5 rocket that put the Apollo Landers on the moon Over 90% of the total mass of the rocket booster was dedicated just to the ascent stage's fuel to getting the thing into orbit, and very little of it was actually the mass of the command module or lunar module that they actually took to the moon. Because a significant amount of the weight is needed just for fuel to achieve the escape velocity to get it into orbit. And as the be able to be able to. It will lose his mass and converts fuel into thrust.

It goes faster and faster because the weights are going down. But the thrust propulsion force is maintaining at a very high rate. Bro, is that a trans prostitute? She actually was addicted to, I'll show you here, Devin. She was addicted to fentanyl. I was addicted to fet for over a decade. It's scar on my body creates a map of the... So she's been sober for two years and she found this man.

She stabbed her legs with all the needles from the fentanyl. But look how much in love they are. I had previously explained the rocket launch system for... I think those are Star Wars, Ottomans. Every video, she's eating a huge sandwich from Arby's. Yeah, she's like Brad Pitt in Ocean's 11. The Saturn 5 rocket that was used during the Apollo program. I can't act unless I'm chewing.

command module and the command service module and the water my goal to being squished so she has no idea what he's ever talking about she's thinking about shooting up and killing herself she's thinking about getting fucked raw behind a dumpster for fentanyl she's like she's like as long as i'm eating chicken i'm not thinking about hanging myself so they're constantly eating kFC that's like all they eat i think she might be black i mean she you know i think i think that's the fentanyl yeah he goes i love my bitches redbone ass fat jello motherfucker this guy

red bone ass fat jello you heard me you boops you fucking young boobs and they're just like bronze they just get tanned a lot he picks their red bone bitches he's calling them redbone like that ass fat jello

bitch he keeps looking at Palm Beach tanning salons and he's like that's where they make you boops I'm going to go to the black people factory There's a black people factory all over Florida It takes a couple of hours They come out all nice and juicy

Do you think he's going crazy on her cake, by the way? The cake of her ass I think he's beating that shit up I think he's beating it up bad I think he's playing like bongo drums I mean look at him This guy, he kind of looks like he looks like a sperm never joined an egg but still grew into a person like it just was only sperm

she's two years sober from fentanyl so yeah yeah she's on feta cheese now do you think this is love though because they have nothing in common she doesn't listen to anything he says he's aware of this but he gets to dump jc and also by the way is this triggering for you because you were this guy when you were like six you were the guy reading the ginnis book of world record book and being like, did you know, actually, with the Saturn spaceship? And can I tell you what saved me? Internet pornography. If it wasn't for beautiful internet pornography, I would have never put down the Uncle John's

bathroom reader and the Guinness Book of World Records and stopped going up to women and being like, did you know the purpose is actually you can swim for 14 hours in the water? No, and so I walk up, I'm like, can I jack off through the thought. I walk up to a woman in a restaurant like, I'm Don Draper. I go, ma'am, I would love to. jack off to the thought of you later if you want in mind i don't want your number i don't want your name would you give me the the pleasure of letting me go to my hotel room and jacking off to you in about a couple hours a couple times but you're wearing a sweatpants you're not wearing a suit

yeah yeah i'm wearing a very nice restaurant i'm wearing you're covered in come yeah i'm in like a fucking like momofuku like type of thing like a michelin star restaurant and i walk up in In a sweatpants on the top That has a printing of a Don Draper suit On the front of it And I go I go, ma'am, I know we don't know each other But what if this one beautiful night

You took a chance And you let me jack off the loan to you In my hotel room Internet pornography Internet pornography It'll stop you from being really gay His facts are kind of good He did explain that apparently emus

We're terrorizing everybody in Australia once And the Australian military He tried to kill them. Top, top left. Big boner right there. I think he's just got... He's hard. He's got that thing on.

That's soft, Evan. Like I said, I think he beats that shit up. I think, dude, I think he really, like, goes to town on her cake. I think he... Yeah, I think he really gets into that. Are you all following us on Instagram? I don't know how you work. I want to say, never kill yourself.

Look at both of these people. How happy they are. She was a fentanyl attic who was getting her ass ate by homeless people for a little bad. No, there's always, you never know. Never kill yourself. I truly think this is more. There's always a future. Yeah, this is more beautiful than a lot of relationships I know

because these two people are saving each other. Yeah. From just the maelstrom of human existence. Beautiful. These are two little rocks that cling to each other so they don't get sucked into a fucking water volcano. Did you know that the Australian military once lost a war against emus? What?

Like the bird? Yes. Those are scary. Yes. So they set out, there was an overpopulation. But she says, spending time with the safest man I've ever known, which means pimps used to hold knives at her neck and fuck the shit out of it. Yeah. For federal.

Yeah, this is literally a guy with one gold tooth and a big hat with a feather in it, said, I'll give you a fucking ass, a bitch, but I'm taking mine back. And this is her version of like, I'm trying out nice guys. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wait until the camera cut, like the phone, they stop recording. And he's like, all right, he grabbed. her by the hair and bashes her into the side of the glass. My little red bone, princess.

Get your fucking fat red bone ass, fat, jello ass in the back. I'm gonna fucking eat it, you cunt. And then he's just plowing the shit out of her ass. He's like, as you know, Iceberg Slim wrote three books in the mid-1970s. The only pimped ever make the best sellers list. He taught me that when a bitch is real worn out, you got to throw her to the curb with drugs. Yep. He drives off.

He blasts triple X. Danny Brown. Yeah. They kind of look like that meme of the Shrek and Rumpel Stiltskin, but it says like every third couple in Williamsburg. You know what I'm talking about? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

I think that's beautiful. It's true love. It's true love. I want to say something really quick before we close here. So I was talking to Billy from War Mode was reaching out to me about problems. I don't know. I don't think he's been public about it. That's very scary.

I think he's been having problems with Spotify. I don't want to blow up their thing or whatever. If they're still on there, I don't know what's going on. But he was messaging me a bunch of stuff with, look, I don't want to get thrown off Spotify. And I don't know if we can keep doing copyrighted songs at the end that have any sort of copyright. It seems that Spotify will just throw us off completely. Yeah, I was on a call with Spotify the other day because of something they wanted us to do.

And they said they have a copyright claiming system now. So I think a lot of channels are starting to get, like, deleted. so that might be like an issue going forward. But War Mode is still on there. Billy said you think Spotify is locking them out because of their intros. Like they can't upload new shit, I'm not trying to blow up a spot. I'm saying, I'm not saying, don't run to Billy and be like Ben said on this podcast.

So even if they go on, even if they upload their podcast to Libson or Megaphone or whatever where it sends it to every single place, it wouldn't go on Spotify? Or is that for like a separate thing that they were doing with Spotify? I don't know. I don't know. But then from talking to him about what, like, Matt and Shane had to do with their whole thing

with taking out copyrighted songs. I'm like, oh, they'll just I didn't realize, because Spotify has taken episodes of theirs off, which I did know about, and they've also taken Rogan's episodes down off of Spotify as well. So I just don't want to keep using copy. Look,

we would make more money if we didn't do copyrighted stuff on Spotify because then we could run ads and all this stuff on it. We don't care about the money over there, but I don't want to get kicked off of the platform itself, especially since they're allowing us to put the video podcast on there. Yeah.

With a whole comment section and everything. So I don't think I'm going to put the songs on at the end, which people are looking forward to. I like picking the songs. The copyright thing gets dangerous, though, because you're like, well, what does that even entail? Like, if we watch a YouTube video that's allowed on YouTube, but if Spotify says that's copyright, it's not on Spotify. Yeah, I mean. I don't even understand what the fuck that mean. Who knows where it'll go?

I just know that, like, if you put like a fucking, you know, if you put hot to go in an episode, like, it's probably going to get your shit fucked up. If we're watching a clip and there's a stupid TikTok song on it that's a famous song for five seconds, is that copyright?

I mean, on Spotify? I don't know. That's a weird. I don't know. It's a weird one. We have to find out more about that. That's odd. That's terrifying.

I was just applying hate watch to be on Spotify, but I'm like, all we do is watch videos that are on YouTube that are technically kind of copyrighted. I'm like,

well, then what's... Well, I don't know. Something about his intros with the copyrights is what he said. Yeah, where they play the music and stuff. Which is awesome that they do that. People have also liked me picking some song and putting it at the end of the episode,

which I've loved too, but I guess we can't do that anymore. Or we'll get kicked off, or do we just keep doing it? I don't know. I don't know. Jay's thoughts. We have a bunch of the old ones that have. If I don't put one, everyone's going to call me lazy in that I don't care about the show. I think there's an option possibly. Yeah, I think there's an option possibly I'll tell you after we're done recording,

so the fans don't behold you to something. You know. Yeah. I don't want to say you can do this, but it might be very complicated. And the fans are like, why don't you do this extremely complicated fucking thing? So I'll tell you off. For Devin's birthday now, do you guys want to go to takes? And then we'll come back and record the Patreon.

I want to record the Patreon and then go to take. I don't want to go have a great time and then come back all full and fording. Yeah, I want to pick out. Let's be funny now. Yeah, exactly. But it is my birthday. It's Devin's birthday. Happy birthday, buddy.

Thank you for saying that. Of course. Recording on my birthday. I'm kidding. It's very funny. I've had three people hit me up today about, like, what I'm doing, and I'm like, I'm recording, like, Lemon Party. They're like, oh, they're making you recording your birthday, and I'm like, I don't, no,

I mean, I like doing, it's fun. Also, this idea. Oh, you're hanging out with your friends on your birthday? This idea that, like, as an adult, the birthday matters is absolutely a hilarious concept to me. You know, as an adult, you could make any day of your life your birthday? Any day throughout the year, I could go, today's my birthday. I'm getting a cake

I'm gonna go get hammered I'm gonna eat a steak I'm gonna go to Tijuana I'm gonna fuck every hooker in town it's a Wednesday you can just make any day your birthday your birthday is meaningless who cares I guess it's about like just getting the attention

from other people or something I think it's more I think it's more an expectation like it's like oh you don't want to like be sad on your birthday or whatever I woke up today I did nothing different I watched um I watched uh body cam footage I pretended to read for 10 minutes um and then I I did come over and you were playing get kill Tony on TV and I go wow before I really really treating yourself today I didn't know what to do I put on kill Tony I don't know

I just want to see what's what's happening in the world birthdays are for women and children right exactly and then for guys like us we get to pig out on our birthday And that's what rules about birthdays is, is you get to eat whatever you want. Yeah. And then every other day of your life as well. Yeah, exactly. But you lie to yourself that it's only days like. Right, of course, of course.

You're not going to feel any guilt over the pig in. Exactly. You get to be a guilt-free pig. Right. You get to get down in the slump and eat up that mud. I need a good cup of mud, brother. H.H. You get to get that red bone jello.

You get to get real muddy, and no one's going to tell you to get in the bath and hose off. You know what I mean? Because you go, it's my birthday. It's my goddamn birthday. It's my fucking birthday. Devin Acosta, it's your goddamn birthday. You've turned 33 years old. Congratulations. It's when Jesus was crucified, right? Yep, 33. Which is, you know. It's also the age I developed an autoimmune disorder.

It's also the amount of vertebrae in your spine. Which also got yours up. 33 vertebra in our spine? Not in mine. I have a bamboo spine. You can actually smoke hook out of me if you want. You can put cold. on the top of my head and then suck on my finger. Yeah, Ben can eat his own marrow if he wants to, like one of those

Rogan guys. But anyway, patreon.com slash limit party dates are up now. Ticket links are up for Houston, Denver, Fort Worth, not Dallas. Sorry, sometimes I say Dallas. Fort Worth. Yeah, so somebody on your

tweet was like, Fort Worth isn't Dallas. I'm like, I don't give a shit. I'm going to keep calling you Dallas to be insulting to where you live. Don't they call it Dallas, Fort Worth, though? Don't care. My whole family lives there, don't care. Isn't it called Dallas Fort Worth?

Yes, it's just whatever. They have to have a thing. They have to have a thing. There's always a, yeah, specified. Everybody is... Ben, shit is not crap, okay? Everybody is waiting to find everyone with their pants down. Everybody's in a constant, eternal, a gotcha, actually.

You're not in Dallas. You're not in fucking addition tonight. Which, by the way, we should be. I mean, we should... Yeah, if we do do Dallas... us next time after this one, we got to do like Addison, maybe. Oh, in Salt Lake City, by the way.

Right, Salt Lake City. I forgot about that way. And Denver. Denver. We're going to Casa Benina. I'm going to get reservations for that. But Lemon Party. Dot Life is where you get the tickets. Please, we're having a lot of fun, and we're actually selling more tickets than we have anticipated, so we're just going to keep doing these things until we figure out a way to come back, not in the red.

So we love you guys. We appreciate you guys. Love you guys. Coming out and supporting it.