lemonparty - 154: F is for Fatwa

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Ben goes off his meds and proposes an idea to stop immigration through the Darian Gap by training big lizards to eat minorities. Devan is incredibly hungover and leaves halfway through to do whiskey drinking. Jace just got back from his spiritual gay pride parade and goes OFF on Bill Burr and the Riyadh Comedy Festival... This week on lemonparty. bonus episodes ⁠https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty⁠ LP Tour https://www.lemonparty.life/ Support the sponsors: https://lucy.co/lemon https://www.drinkag1.com/lemon https://www.factormeals.com/lemon50off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One chicken, one, one, chicken, whew, chicken, whews. Chicken, one, chicken, chicken wings. Yeah, you like my outfit, don't even make the deal. Yeah, you liked my outfit, don't even make the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light wheel. Always in my face, talking, listening. Girl, I ended up about some real for the cat-knack. You rag clean, but your gas take.

but your gas tank is on feet. Be stepping now they got no decent shoes on your feet. That's just to feed it, bro. You don't know what you're talking about. In the face, there's no choice when the cuff out. Hate to see you in the club. You're bombing with a mug. Knowing that you're too bad with your boy, you're nothing but a scrub.

But he was with me. That's where you hate me. Because when I got him on you, in your bed near faith. I showed it and I face drinking on the yak. Mouthful of those, but your ass is supposed. The cool thing where they should go I don't want to people to know what you're doing it at all with your phone

A lot of the concert but like 80 feet away from the stage you can go for free Oh are we recording I don't want people I don't I don't want people to know how gay I am I was ranting I was ranting about how much I loved the concert at the Rady Shell So I have to put on my ironic voice that hates everything now The radio shell is actually gay. Big Thief sucks. Fuck them. The radishel.

It wasn't a religious experience for me. Testing, check one, one, two. I can hear. Check. Check one. Jace was at the AIDS March last week. That's what you called the Big Thief concert. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't even know who they are. I know you'd mentioned them, but I tuned out when you were talking about them. Because it sounds like too fat. Fags? Too fat. on stage. It should be called big fag. Two fat dykes on stage fucking trying to figure out how to fill up their

Subaru. That's what it sounds like to me. You know, I would criticize you, but you are right. The lead singer is a very dykey woman. I'm kidding. I don't know anything about them. It's very gay. We went and I was like, I immediately, it was very funny. I was out of, I think they thought I was a plainclosed police officer at the concert because it's nothing but 19 year old Twinks who haven't had sex yet like gays virgin gays

Virgin gays Virgin gays And like this little Asian twink Just like I was walking back with a hot dog And he was like He's like excited for the performance And I was like yeah I'm really excited to see Adrian live

I've heard she's a great singer And just the fact that I knew her name He was like okay he's not He's not gonna pull out a Molotov cocktail And throw it on us and start a riot He's not in a militia Okay guys I fucked him He doesn't have beanbag

guns on him at all. But he also knows you're not a bear, which is probably a letdown, right? He was excited and then I looked at him, I go, I go, I will never fuck you. I think you're sick. I would never do what you do. That was, me and Jace were once in a gay

relationship. Yeah, me and Jace, we dated, we tried it out. For a while. You fuck who's in the house. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's two cancers, so that doesn't really go well together. You know, too volatile. It was a convenient relationship. He was down the hall.

Exactly. Mom and dad were right there. We didn't have to pay rent. We figured why not. Why not? It was kind of an odd couple situation. It's easy. Yeah.

I was always playing poker games and smoking cigars. Ben was always cleaning fastidiously. We were like Oscar and Felix. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm lazy. I'm just a little lazy. I fuck my brother. But yeah, you know, I gave up around fourth grade,

And I just, I fucked my brother. What were you going to say? I'm sorry. I went off my meds today. So I've, it's going to be hard to, I feel like I got hit by a train. I feel like one of those Indian guys trying to film these sad TikToks where he's walking alongside a train and then gets hit. And then he turns into the Joker.

Yeah. One of those Indian guy TikToks. He turns into the Indian Joker. Yeah. The TikTok. where he's like he's like trying to fuck a woman and then she fuck somebody else and then he's like all sad and crying there's a compilation of indian guys walking along train tracks because they're trying to make sad like indian tic talks and they get hit and they get hit by trains

you've never seen them oh they're this it's they always walk really close to the train are they retarded why i mean i don't why do here's the other thing why are there even trains there why do they live in india are they stupid the trains are really bad there they're really shitty Don't they all ride on top of them like big Like when you see a bug carrying a bunch of baby bugs Yes Like isn't that how they ride trains Yeah

Yeah Yeah it's You know I'm talking about the bug with the baby bugs Of course Yeah of course Yeah they're like ants Falling off each other On a wire

As I sit in my cat mug Full of Woodford Reserve Aren't they like bugs They're like They're like yes they are like bugs Cheers Cheers It is kind of fun

It's 4 PM cheers It's funny It's kind of be like It reminds me again What's life like for those one billion people? I'm only vaguely familiar with them. Can you remind me, does life suck for 7 billion people right now? For everybody else on Earth?

Interesting. I don't remember what I was saying. It was something about you being gay at a gay concert because you're a big fag. Right. You're at the big fag show. Right, right, right. And everyone was like, hey, I'm here to see the big fag. And they point at you.

They go, hey, that's him. I go, why shouldn't you be on? stage at the big fag show I go guys you're not real fans of Adrian because you would know I'm not the big fag I'm a big fag not big fag there was some controversy

they had an Israeli bassist they kicked out of their band they kicked them out they they claimed that they didn't kick him out but they kicked him out he was a big Israeli guy yeah and uh big thief were they getting a lot

of flack well I mean their fan base is like literally like I said virgin gays so yeah so are they fascist sometimes virgin gays are fascist they're no they're not him learn no they're not the rich gays they're poor gays they're like poor teenage gays okay who get in like really bad relationships um that don't get called abusive because they're gay so big thief doesn't care about the hostages interesting well they fired him so they who did they fire the basis the israel which is wrong why did they fire they they don't care you're right They don't care about the hostages.

Sorry, you're right. He did. Wait, but why did they fire a guy just because he's from Israel? That's not fair. He was, yeah, he was a big. Yeah, that's racist against Jews. Yeah, he was. But which has nothing to do with Israel.

Right. First of all, no such thing. No, of course there is. Obviously, they did a Holocaust. They did it. But they're brown. But they're brown. But no, they got rid of him because he was like really, I.

I think they were, like, getting in a lot of fights about Israel. About everything? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The big lesbian, she was like, I don't like the, you know, you want to kill, shoot babies in the head. Why isn't it always the basis? Like, that bitch in the talking heads is always running her mouth about David Byrne having

assburgers. Just like, let the man have autism and ride his bike. Shut the fuck up. Tina Wyman or whatever her name is. Yeah, she actually makes me really sad when I watch interviews with her. Do you know her? No, no. Because she was in the, she wrote a lot of good baselines.

Like she wrote like the cycle killer bass line and shit like that. But bum, bum, bum, bum, remember that one? Yeah. Yeah, it's a good one. Yeah, that was hard. Yeah. Well, she was kind of like, that was a killer base line. She was like, that shit goes.

That shit. Fall on the floor. That shit go. She was kind of like the Meg White of the talking heads. She learned it to be in the band. But her not being that great made her great as well. Okay. But anytime they, you know, they're all like 70.

And they'll interview her like, you know, so do you ever talk to David? And she's like, David is the devil. is the devil incarnate. Whoa, really? And I will never speak to that man. And it's like, did he, like, did he rape you? Because, like, it's insane that this is 40 years on and you're still. I mean, there's a lot of room in those suits.

You don't know what's going on in the upper pit area. What if there's just horrific crimes being committed by dwarves inside of his suit? Yeah, it's like three kids in a trench coat. He's all fucking them. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. He's going, can we get one ticket, please?

I mean, the man made a song called Psycho Killer, okay? Sick. It's sick. Disgusting. Mm-hmm. Anyway, I'm killing it tonight. Hey. Take me to the river.

What do you want to do there? Yeah. Stop making sense. Oh, is that why? Oh, what are you a woman? I don't know. You are going off... What are you a woman telling a story?

You are going off pills that keep you alive. Yeah, whatever. It doesn't matter. But it's good you're not on them anymore, right? That's, like, means like, you don't. did a good round of... Well, it depends on the pharmacist you're talking to.

Hmm. It depends on the doctor you're speaking to. I saw a doctor for the first time recently. My doctor... I have a Kaiser Permanente doctor. Yes, same, brother.

For the first time, and the guy looks like Cheswick from one floor of the cuckoo's nest. Oh, the bald guy? He's a big... He's fat, and he was... He said he's Mexican, though, right? His last name is Alvarez.

Okay. But he seemed like he had been in health care for so long. He just turned into, like, an autistic white, fat guy. Okay. There was nothing Mexican really about him besides, I guess, his diet. Oil and gyps.

Yeah, but he was, he kept talking about, I was so. He's taking, like, seed oil pills. Yeah. He's adding, like they're omega-3. Yeah, he's Mexican, so he's adding salt to salt and then eating it. Yeah. He's salting his salt. Do you have some oil for my salt?

He kept talking about, um, I was so out of it the whole day because I didn't eat and then had to get my blood test, whatever, and I was just like, fucking, I hate being there. It makes me feel. very existential and creepy and he kept saying he found out I was like yeah I'm like in comedy kind of whatever and he was like he was like I love a Jimmy

Carr you know Jimmy Carr British comedian but I thought he meant Jimmy Dor I was so fucked up I thought he said Jimmy Dor so for like 10 minutes I was like he's got a lot of conviction that guy I kept talking about Jimmy Carr like he would like spoke truth to power and he was just like he was like fighting the good

fight he's like oh I just know his knock knock Jokes he tells. And then I left and I was like, wait, no. Oh, Jimmy Carr, he made me with that fucking hack. You know, it's funny, if I was, if that happened to me, I would have, like, made it about pedophilia, so I would have thought he said Jimmy Seville. Yeah. I'd be like, that fight, that satanic pedophile.

And the guy's like, what? He's like, well, I'm trying to see him at the Wiltern. He said Jimmy Car tickets were like $350 to see him at the Wiltern and that he couldn't really. Yeah. In America, $350. Yeah. That's great.

I was like, wow. But yeah, it was just funny. I kept being like, yeah, man, he really tells it like it is that guy. I love him. Yeah, you were saying, like, you know you had a big health care scare, right? I did. I said that. And he was like, I didn't know that.

I didn't hear that. That's why he's so, you know, he's so pro universal health care. He's like, oh, I did. Once again, I just know his silly knock-knock jokes that suck. Yeah, I was even afraid to say that. I was like, he's very, like, pro-universe health care, you know, like, I shouldn't have to pay for this shit. Fato. I just realized Permanente, Kaiser Permanente, it's Mexican.

It's the, it's the, what the fuck? It's German and Mexican. It's the Kaiser Permanente. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So it's Hitler and Zapata you're going to health care for. Yeah.

Oh, poor Ben, I'm feeling he, you look like. Yeah, you really are out of it. You look so shitty and out of it. What the fuck? Why would you say that to me to make me feel better? You're fucking asshole. No, I'm like, I'm empathizing with how bad you feel. Poor little Ben, you look so shitty.

That is a little crazy. I feel so bad. They're there, you look like shit. Oh, Ben. It looks like utter shit. Ben was in a car accident. We go visit me. You're like, oh, you look just so ugly.

I'm so sorry. You're just so fucked up. Nobody will ever love you anymore. Got the glass really cut your whole face. That would be a funny thing to do in war. Well, you run over to a guy who got like his leg blown off. Usually the guy's not looking down. He's like, how bad is it?

And they always lie to him. Devin is just like, oh, it's really fucked up. Oh, it's fucked. It's gone, man. It's fucked up. you have a wife, she's going to leave you. No, you're going to die. Yeah, no.

If you don't die, your dick's never going to work again. You're fucked, dude. You should kill yourself, actually. Do you want me to give you a gun so you can kill yourself? Your dick's all blown out sideways. You should fucking die. Ben had, you had, I just, this is so, I hate seeing, I hate seeing you like this. He had so much energy at the Marin duck.

Yeah, I get manic, and then, you know, I'm trying to coca leaf my way through it right now, Thanks to the good coca leafs of Peru and Columbia and everything. You know, God bless... You're doing Coca-Cola. God bless Mexican Coke. Yeah, not heroin, yeah. No, but you still get the buy... You get the...

They take the cocaine out of the Coca-leaf, but you still get the Coca-leaf in the Mexican Coca-Cola. Oh. They still extract the Coca-Cola, and there's a lot of benefits to it. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I didn't know that. It's like Gatorade. Exactly.

It's a health food. Exactly. It makes you... It's interesting that... They got all that crazy shit going down there And like Ecuador and everything All because of the drug trafficking Like, because they got to remove the cuckold leaf and stuff

And I didn't realize it was such fucking hell To live like Venezuela and, uh, We keep killing them too And Colombia and everything We keep blowing up like little boats That are just carrying plantains It's really bad down there actually We keep posting it on Twitter too

Yeah The government's like, look, we blew up a bunch of bugs with a firecracker. Yeah, the government's like, look, they were, they were transporting Sabritos. We killed nine people in a boat. Yeah. And J.D. Vance is putting that in, like, an epic fail comp for Twitter. I'm okay if you filmed some top gun shit of you guys flying, like, cool-ass jets through, like, Iran's, like, Iran's, like, nuclear program. Sure. Like, some Death Star stuff. Sure. But if you're just going to show me, like, look, we put an M.80 and an Ant Hill and blew it up. Like, come on, guys. We shoved the, uh, we shoved the black

cat up a bullfrog's ass doesn't that kick ass and then it's just it's Pete heggseth's just flexing like American psycho Pete Heggseth doing the giddy while fucking whiskey bottles fall out of his pockets or the gritty excuse me I think it's called the giddy the gritty he's hitting the gritty he's hitting the gritty yeah hitting the gritty while he's you know he's telling the general that he's a fat piece of faggot shit yeah he did he like really bobbed and they just stared at him for all the five-star generals. Wasn't he just a Fox News correspondent?

Yeah, he was in the military, and then he became a Fox News guy, and then... But there's a clip of him on Fox News, like, hitting himself in the balls with a skateboard. Like, that was what I knew about him. And he, right? What does he run? The Department of War. They call it the Department of War, right? That's right. That's a good name. Yeah, he's a secretary of war. Apparently everything just kind of went to shit down there, like, once COVID hit.

Where, down where? Just down there, Devon. South of the border? Just where they're blowing up guys who are like, look, I got a grouper. Look, look, I got a big fish. You've got to be way more specific. The videos are...

They look cool. But everything down there, like Ecuador on the live news, they, like a... Did you see the gang, the terrorist gang that took over the news? Like, they were all the Joker? No. Live on a cable? I don't like terrorists.

I'm not going to lump in every country, but they kind of got the same thing. the weapons trafficking, the drug trafficking, the, uh, I mean, the stuff you'd see down there, you're like, what the hell are they all in Islam, you know? Yeah. Drug trafficking and sex traffic, what are you talking about, the United States? Ecuador, uh, uh, uh, you're damn right. Is that the country you're talking about?

That's right. Anyway, I wrote, uh, Louis segment for Bill Maher. TV. Oh, yeah, this, this. I, and I remember incorrectly here, look. Look at this. Armed men takeover TV. station in Ecuador. You guys remember this is interesting, right? I was hoping it was going to be this guy. The studio

crew taken hostage. It all happened after the government there had imposed a state of emergency. Here's ABC's Matt Rivers now. Tonight, this is the chilling moment. Now, I thought this was an episode of Wild and out. But apparently they had big issues down there. I was waiting for Nick Cannon.

I was going to say, I was going to say Cam Patterson is not doing well on SNL. Good Lord. He's taking Joe's hostage. Chilling moment, armed men stormed the set of a public TV channel in Ecuador, firing off guns and waving apparent explosives during a live broadcast. The studio crew taken hostage for at least 15 minutes on air as the country watched. Police later surrounding the station arresting several suspects.

And across Ecuador, fiery blasts, rocking. multiple cities, this one engulfing a police car. The wave of violence beginning just hours after Ecuador's president declared a state of emergency, following a prison escape by no... Now that guy, are we sure he did anything wrong?

Yeah, the villain from every comic book movie. Yeah, the shirtless Santa. He was on the FBI's most wanted list, so they found him in line for Kill Tony. Right. So, what, he was a gang leader? He escaped. So, yeah, he escaped. They arrested him, and everyone was really mad.

And then they have, like, 22 gangs that are controlling the... Ecuador has the biggest penises, on average, supposedly, by the way. I feel like you've told me this about different places. Yeah, I thought we looked that up. Or is they the biggest tits? We looked at this up once the Ecuador. I would have the biggest tits. I mean, I'll look up if they have the biggest...

Why would they have the biggest dicks? I think people underrate South America. South America might have some dicks on them. I don't know why I said that, like Mark Norman. The average erect... Yeah, okay. Okay, so there you go. Yes, our average wreck's 6.9 inches.

Pretty good. Boy, that must. So they fucking, so it hurts when they rape you too. When they invade your news studio. That stinks. Yeah. Well, couldn't be me, man. I don't live there.

I think they stopped a lot of the migrants coming in. I like vaguely understand all of it because we have, like, sanctions against Cuba where we claim they're, like, terrorists, basically. Uh-huh. Because of that thing in the... I think it's because of that thing in the Virgin Islands that happened in, like, not the 70s. What? Those black guys, they shot up a bunch of people in the U.S. Virgin Islands on that golf course that was Rockefeller-owned. No, I didn't know about this at all.

Yeah, and then in, like, 84, I think it was. One of the black guys, his name is, like, Ismail something. In Bluetooth. They were moving him somewhere, and he hijacked the plane he was on. Someone put a gun in the lavatory form. He took it. And then he made them land in Cuba. And then we landed in Cuba.

They were like, all right, well, we can charge you for hijacking this plane. So they sent him to prison for seven years, and then they let him go. But he's on the FBI's Most Wanted List, and he still just lives in Cuba and does documentaries and stuff and, like, talks. And he's like, I never did that shit. But supposedly when he was there, he was killing everybody on the golf course. He's like, I fucking hate you white people and just killing everybody. So then we have sanctions against Cuba saying that they are a terrorist state, basically. which destroyed their economy

and then Haiti got fucked over in 2010 with the earthquake so they're going down to South America first been bad luck they've ever gotten dude the Haiti people want to come up on boats into Florida we don't let them so then they go down and then they're going to come up

and this is the shit I found out that's crazy is the Darien Pass okay do you know that thing in South America so the Panama Highway goes all the way down and then it can't there's like 80 miles it can't go because of that jungle that no one's ever been able to penetrate because of all the disease and human traffickers and like snakes.

Like the sorcerer jungle? Is it the sorcerer jungle? I don't know. Never mind. No, it might be. In Sorcer, it's a really rough jungle. It's a rough. It's a rough. It's a rough go of it. So basically, everything got really bad during COVID down there for everybody. So everybody was trying to make it up into the U, like into Panama, into Mexico, into the U.S., and into Canada with this migrant crisis stuff. And in 2023, there was like 600,000 people that tried to make it through there.

Before, like, 2020, only, like, a couple thousand people were trying to cross through this jungle a year. And in the jungle there, they have human traffickers, there's cartel members that, like, people that are in gangs, they'll hide out in the jungle because no one can go in there. And then so hundreds of thousands of people were going through this thing during COVID, and they had guides and stuff trying to make it to, like, a prosperous land. and they were raped by people a lot of them were trafficked thousands of them died in this river they would travel for 13 14 15 days trying to like get to a place of freedom and have made themselves vulnerable yeah how about that's a good point maybe don't act like you need help they should have got into bitcoin because that's how you

get raped why didn't they get into bitcoin why did they should have been making NFTs I was on why didn't they get on clubhouse like 2020 that's how I made all my money. Dips shits. They could have been talking to some really high-level people on clubbous. Yeah.

They could have been listening to Elon Musk piss while he's on ketamine. Yeah. Forgetting he has a phone on him. Go live on Facebook,

buy ads on TikTok. Yeah. Use AI to cut clips. Yeah. Exactly. Are they not using Opus clips down there? Yeah.

Did they not have Capcut? Are they not making AI videos of John Travolta? They don't podcast. By saying to buy this penis enlargement pill they faked?

Like, they don't, they hate money? So I don't understand geopolitics, but apparently we have sanctions against these countries to control their government basically and that has like really made everything to go to shit there yeah but now people aren't trying to pass through the jungle anymore that's pretty much

stopped because we've like been blown the smithereens we've like implemented more in 2025 to stop that where i was like they were like suspecting 2004 like 800,000 people to pass through this jungle but there's all the there's all this disease there that people were getting when they pass that's why you can't deforest it they in like the 50s they were going to try to drill through it, and they were unsuccessful. Like, literally because mosquitoes were just killing everybody all day. Yeah, so it's flesh-eating diseases from the mosquitoes. Right.

Tons of weird stuff we don't have vaccines for. All the parts of the world that experts tell us not to do deforesting and going, it's to protect, like, the world from getting some insane thing that turns you into, like, a shitty, like, campy Eli Roth film. Yeah, sure, sure. to stop like a, yeah, like a zombie disease or something. There's some parts of the globe that are literally like outer space. Like they're

just uninhabitable for humans. You can't live there. In Scotland in 1700, they tried to send a bunch of people to the Darien Pass. They spent a fourth of their GDP. In Scotland? In Scotland they sit 2,500 people on

a boat to the Darian Pass. Two years later they came back with like 300 guys and they had no money and it was all fuck. and they couldn't figure it out to get through for the trade and stuff. They all got their heads cut off by weird jungle people. And they're like, we know you all, you guys all got liver cirrhosis from your alcoholism. They're like, no, there's a big mosquito.

Bit me. So they came back and it bankrupted the whole country. They were fucked. Yeah. And then they had to merge with the United Kingdom in like 1707. That's my favorite thing is that old geopolitics is like, oh, one year they didn't grow enough potatoes. so the King Edward raped every woman

under the age of 18 on the island of Scotland for the next 50 years. So funny to gamble like that and fuck it up bad. Yeah, just like literally like... Because I'm a Scottish retard in the jungle getting my nuts cut off. Yeah, they had like one like king just like, all right, here we're bent at all. No more potatoes, we're doing beats now. The beats, they're like, we're fucked.

These beats fucked us. Now we all got to get raped. And that's just the next, that was like 1750. If you were born then, that was your whole life. Was just one guy fucked up potatoes, you know? Forever. Forever. Mashed potatoes.

Yeah, just match. Not even potatoes. Mashed potatoes. You're lucky to get a fish head. Yeah. One guy was like, let's cook it without milk. And it tasted bad. And now the country collapsed.

Apparently, once we developed Adam bombs, they put out a press release that they were going to drop a bunch of atom bombs on the jungle there to just blow it up and, like, let the water pass through. Yeah. And there was a news article that said, there's only 1,700 people living in the jungle, so there's nothing to be alarmed about. Everyone was like, that's good. We're just going to kill everybody and everybody in the jungle with,

they were just going to drop Adam bomb after Adam bomb on the jungle until, like, from space, you could see a river that passed 80 miles through. A big, glowing river that gives everybody cancer. I think that was literally, if I remember right, that's Edward Teller, right? Recommended that the guy who Benny Safty plays in Oppenheimer. I don't fucking know anything, dude. I think so, if I remember from the Wikipedia articles I read instead of watching porn. It's probably a guy that looked like Benny Safty.

Yeah, probably. Yeah, I'm sure. Sure. But then they did. shitty-ass panama canal which is gay the panama canals gay yeah because it has the lot I didn't know they had because they're going up over a mountain thing so there's like locks

and levers for it to go up there's gates that close yeah I raise the water yeah well they're mad that uh they're mad at WTF's ending yeah the WTF they're like what do we lock the gates is what they play right when the panam when the ship comes in they lock the gate the water rises

right so now they don't know what to do they have no idea what to do now lock the gas on these fog is What am I supposed to listen to now? We gotta ship these bananas. I need to listen to Mark's, how is weeks going? Like, hey, oh, at the beer, it was on a man. I can't hear it.

No, yeah, that sucks. But also, like, don't, you know, fucking, if I woke up in one of these places, I'd be like, I gotta get out of here. In the jungle? Yeah. I live in a fucking jungle. What kind of pissed me off about it, it's like, so the most, like, remote jungle in the world that is uninhabited by anybody, like, someone is, like, raping. kids and women. Sure.

Like, why is this? It's like McDonald's, how they're everywhere. Mm-hmm. Like, you can't, you can't go, like, more than six square miles in the U.S. without seeing a McDonald's. It's the same in the world with, like, with rape and sexual assault. Just anywhere you go. Right.

You can be, you can be certain. Yeah, it's like being in the desert somewhere and there's, like, always a del taco. Yeah. That's rape. There's apparently tons of human traffickers in that jungle. And when the 400,000 people were there, they were getting picked off, like, Jurassic Park. When the Velociraptors were coming in and picking people off. Yeah, like in the tall grass.

Is that just a symptom of a country with a bad economy where they just start looking at human beings as money? So Venezuela, the average monthly salary a few years ago from what I looked up is you make about $143 a month. But a carton of milk is like $2 and a thing of meat is $5 at the store. So you have a really bad life if you are, I guess, like if you're like a fisherman or something. So you pretty much have to engage in criminal activity to feed your family and stuff. So it's a necessity. Yeah. So you kind of like are you going to have a horrible, horrible life or are you going to do something bad and maybe get to eat, I guess.

I guess. I don't know. It looks bad. When I see videos from these places over there in the past five years, it's got like COVID accelerated this to levels I didn't really understand until I started watching a bunch of videos on it and stuff. and reading about it. But, I mean, I do, part of me kind of wants to try and make the trip

to the jungle with a guide. I feel like I could do it. Really? You actually have an urge to do that. Really? Yeah. I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't have trouble, like, walking a golf course, right?

I don't even really, like, I don't want to go to Irvine. Yeah. I just drove through Temecula. I almost died. So if you, so apparently everybody starves and they're really hungry by the end of it, and their feet are covered in bacteria and weird diseases. and you can't carry food with you.

It's about 13 days because... So you're just starving by the end of it and you're really thirsty. And if you drink water from the river, it's filled with tons of dead bodies. So then you get weird diseases by the end of it if you drink water, right? So already, first of all...

Okay. I don't eat drink water anyway. Sure. So I'm fine. I'll bring soda. Right. Yeah, you got a pack full of glass Coca-Cola's clinking together. Or if I have to drink from a river,

I'll bring a crystal light packet. Sure. They don't have. A meo. Spray it in there. We're a jammer either. Or a jammer. Hey, hey, a jammer.

The jammer kills the bacteria. It kills the bacteria, as we all know. Exactly. They hate jammers. And if a weird guy in some paramilitary group with a gun holds me at gunpoint and he says he's going to rape me or traffic me or kill me or cut off my head and play soccer with it because they need a soccer ball that evening. Sure. I will say he's going to grab me. And I'll turn to him and all the human traffickers and the bad guys and I'll say,

do you know who my father is? Right. And they go, we don't know what a father is. None of us have dads. We were raised by machetes. I'll say, in the name of Jesus Christ, I order all of you to set me. That guy shoots me. Yeah, they go, that's literally a guy blows my head.

They go, that's literally the leader of our day. His name is Jesus Christ He was the guy Who's gonna blow your head off Do you have like this weird arrogance Where you think that they would just love you Like you could get him up with bits Yeah that you would just be like the wacky

Like they would just You'd be the one guy So that's the thing I thought too is like if you can make them laugh Yeah You can make him do anything I think everyone has that You because every I think every white guy They think like I would

If I went it would be like dances with wolves Like they would like give me like their best piece of like pussy like they would get the chief would give me like his daughter yeah they'd be like a king yeah they call you like pequito grande or whatever yeah yeah but i don't know it would kind of kick ass to never leave the jungle i don't have any urge to do that i don't all these places you have to get like shops to go mm-hmm sounds like shit i i you don't want to like visit an uncontacted tribe or like no i don't want anyone to like peer pressure me and to eating uh like uh a dead guy's asshole because that's like you know considered a delicacy yeah that's what they do they

don't eat it they'll kill you there's always like you always like a guide with you that's like they really they'll be really angry if you don't eat this dead guy's asshole it's a sign of respect in their country to eat the president's ass when you meet him and if he doesn't come you're we're all dead you got to eat it really good you got to eat it you got to you got to eat it like groceries is what they say in their culture isn't it crazy though that Like, a lot of this stuff is just so a guy in Brooklyn could do coke. Yeah. That's most evils in the world is like literally, I mean, you know, like there's countries that have had 80 years of famine so we could eat bananas for a $0.5 cents cheaper.

There are a lot of wildly progressive people on the coasts and in really, like, cool, hip cities that, um, they support the drug trade. They love the drug trade. The narco's traffickers. Yes. They support those guys. Yes. Because without, without, like, narcoterrorism, they wouldn't be able to do cocaine and rape an improv student.

Which is part of the woke lifestyle. Which is part of their, yeah, which is part of the Williamsburg life. Yeah, that's actually, it's a mating ritual in Williamsburg is you have to become an improv teacher to rape your students. Yeah, it's like how birds dance with, like, a weird little feather thing. That's what Aaron Glazer was stealing up in Bushwick. Peacocking, right? Peacocking, right? Instead of feathers in plumage, it's UCB 101, and it's rape.

It's a rathnol-related day rape. It's weird that animals, in the animal kingdom, being a guy is gay. What do you mean? But in the human kingdom, like, that's not, and women are gay. Like, the female lion is, like, the cool one. Well, like, even gay guys act like women in human species. But peacocks are the, like, birds are always colorful.

If you see a colorful bird, it's all. always a guy. And then the ladies are always gray and dull. I think it literally kind of transfers, though. It's our version of that is like literally as a guy instead of having bright green feathers and like a big ass that a woman wants to

fuck, you have to just like make a lot of money or be like a really cool guy who plays in a band or something. And you will get like a lot of buzzings. Is that what women want? A guy who plays in a band? Ben, literally yes. I've been told that that's gay actually. No. Or are you in a band?

Here's the thing. Women will say that's gay because they've all fucked a guy who's in a band and treated them like shit. And they fucked him for like nine years. But don't women like being treated like shit? Yes, that's the problem. And then they get all mad about it. That's what I'm saying. That's literally what I'm saying. Yeah. Every woman's like, they're like, they're like, if you ask like, what was your first boyfriend? It's like, well, he was a, he was an African warlord who, uh, a did cocaine off my skull. And I dated him for nine years because my dad pissed me off one time. Yeah, he used to hang me by my ankles over the bow. balcony shake change out of him he used to get you know those bullet ants that they use in indian rituals he would put that on my pussy and i so i dated him for 18 years he was he was a real jerk yeah that guy and then i read one bell hooks book i got out of that my first boyfriend he

believed he was the human embodiment of lucifer and uh brand me with satanic imagery yeah so that's why i have a big um that's why i have um big wall paintings from a cave all across my back carved into it um because my first boyfriend has he called himself um he called himself sadan's cock legally changed his name to that he was in a he was in a post punk band called fagg in but see so they do like guys that are in bands yes that's what i'm saying that's what it is i see it yes that's what i'm saying but so like shitty guys who are but are our theater kids because a theater kid is an is a gateway to being in a band so are theater kids emotionally manipulative and do they abuse women but they also get a lot of pussy in high school they suck and fuck a lot yes if kids in or they're in band suck and fuck

there are many different ways to trick women into getting pussy a theater kid broke up area like is with ariana grande exactly who it's just some the guy who played sponge bob he was in the sponge bob musical like red-headed no no it was no just some redheaded fucking sing-songy fanook is with is with like timmy turn Literally, yeah. He literally looks like Timmy Turner, yeah. But he can sing and he can dance, so she's like, and there's weird versions of it,

like, where, like, if the woman's already in music, they still need to be with a guy that sucks ass and it's kind of like an ass. Like, Lana Del Rey is dating, like, an alligator guy. Yeah, she's literally dating an alligator. The guy looks like a purse. Yeah, sometimes I look her up, and I'm like, who's she dating?

I'm like, oh, the yellow king. Yeah, she's like, I saw him driving his lawnmower. He was mowing the church. She, like, moved into, like, a bass pro sports shop. She lives in the pyramid in Memphis. She's dating a big catfish. Yeah. She feeds it worms.

She's like, my catfish that I'm married to treats me like shit. He's actually a really bad catfish. Yeah, women will date the most. She's awesome. Yeah. When women make fun of guys for, like, reading, you know, infinite jest or doing things before really, it's like... You're saying, like, what a shot. Yeah, it's like you taught them to do that.

Yeah. Through getting pussy. You know what I mean? You're responsible for your own hell. You teach the evil. Yeah. You built your own prison out of your pussy bricks and now you have to live inside of it. And you hand me the keys and you're like, why do you keep me in here?

Exactly, because you built it, lady. Yeah, you built it. Because you keep fucking me, you know? Yeah. Yeah, no, shit in that toilet. Yeah, shit in that toilet so I can eat it. Hore. I'm big, I'm turd thief.

I'm a big gay guy named turd thief. I'm a big thief, aka turd burglar. And I used to open for Jay Retards So now you have to suck my cock Bitch Before I forget Jays, by the way We should do ads Oh right, yeah

We're past that point Anytime I bring up Jay Retard It reminds you we should do ads Gay retard Who is Jay Retard? You don't know Jay Retard? He's like a punk singer right? Yeah, you'd like him a lot

He's dead though Was he in Nobony? Who's the guy in Nobody that got like I don't know Nobody I like Nobody So before we go into the ad though I do have a question, though, in terms of the immigrant crisis and the border and stuff, don't we have dinosaur eggs?

Isn't that real? What? Don't we have, like, dinosaur, like, isn't Jurassic Park, like, real? I mean, like, fossils of eggs? If the giants are real and, like, the, like, the phylum and stuff, like, angels that have, like, fucked human beings are, like, walking among, like, if that stuff's real, like, if Book of Enoch stuff is real, we probably got a dinosaur egg laying around here. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry.

We got dinosaur DNA, I mean. Yeah, not an egg. No, I think they do have, like, DNA. So, like, in Abilene, they're Sam Altman's building Stargate, and they're going to try to make Hitler Terminator. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. And Abilene, someone messaged me who lives in Abilene, they said, Abilene is prepared for their power to go out all the time now.

Yeah. They're literally like, we've microwaved 80 hot pockets ahead of schedule, just in case the power goes out. So make sure on Mondays, you're back away. All right. Mondays through Friday, you need a microwave all your food at 8 a.m. Then you keep it out in the hot sun. Let the flies get in it. And then you eat it when you...

It's like the sun's like a crockpot. So... The hot pocket is done by the time you get home. The sun is an oven. The sun baked my cousin Ray Ray Ray to death. The 30 miles wide. West of where Blood Meridian ends in the Jakes is where Sam Altman is building his AI database and her Stargate.

Okay. Which is weird considering it's like hell's portal there. I mean, I do think it's there trying to find cities that are easy to rape the local landscape and economy of. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like literally because they just have to do,

if they want to do something, they have to get a city council full of retards to approve something. It's like where SpaceX is in like Galveston, right? Because they're just like, these people don't give a shit. We're going to fucking blow up rockets all day. You can't build it in Berkeley because you go to a town hall and people are like, yeah, I read what you're doing. Yeah, exactly. Don't turn all of our water into diarrhea.

But if you're a fat, oily retard beaten off, don't you get pissed off when it goes dark? No, they like it. I mean, you do, but I don't think you can equate it. You're like, oh, the little sun in my house went down. Maybe if you're retarded, you've been staring at the screen for so long that when it turns off, you still see the image of it in your eye. Yeah, they see the Fox News logo burn into their TV and they go, oh, on. Tyron. It's all good. They like when the lights go out.

Yeah. They call it nobody can see me coming time. They go, Sam Altman turned our city into a permanent sundantown town. Sam Altman, yeah, it's the purge hour. He's a hero, Sam Altman. And I figured out he's at you, and I don't even care. Who is Sam Altman again? He's a Chad-G-T guy.

Just another demon. Demon-sucking cock. Or is he open-A-I guy. Who cares? shit, fuck all of them. I'm not going to let these people become celebrities because it's what they want. Yeah. To wield, fuck you.

I'm not going to learn your name or what you're doing. Yeah. Fuck off. You're a demon from hell. When somebody's like, I was listening to do a podcast with Peter Thiel, it's like, thank you. Yeah. They are a faggot.

That's right. Are we doing a faggot? I'm going to go, I'm going to go get a drink. Yeah. So I was going to say, speaking of faggates, fact of meals. I need to wake up. This has been a pathetic show by me. You're going to go get that big backpack full of Woodford reserve.

I have a lot of Woodford upstairs. Never literally has a camel pack full of Woodford Reserve upstairs. I got it for my birthday. I haven't opened it. I haven't drank it three weeks. And then I watched the Dodgers. I got a little too, got a little too happy last night. Yeah, it was a good guy. I'm trying to wake up today. I was watching the Dodgers at a Benny Hanna. I got fucking drunk. It was great

shit. Yeah. I heard that Mexican finally had a did something. The Hernandez was they really, finally woke up. They came clutch. They came in clutch. Sleepy Teoscar finally woke up. Yeah, go get your... I'll be right back. Yeah. I'll let you factor meals.com. Hey, everybody.

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In fact, there's been very kind of send to several boxes of their meals. I just throw it in the freezer, and when I don't feel like cooking, and I'm trying not to postmate something because I don't want to be a fatter of fuck than I am, I pull a vector meal out. I actually use it so much every time I walk into Jason's house in San Diego now, I go, hold up. Someone cooked here. He goes, hold up, and I go, don't tell me what to do. You're in my house, and we have a big fight. This fall, they're bringing you a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. 97% of customers say that Factor help them live a healthier life, and Factor can help you too.

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Why don't you show some love back and send us some fucking packs? God damn it. I went to the liquor store earlier today and it's like illegal in California to sell. No, they're like the same place I go to at the time. The guy's like, what are you talking about? Oh, he's got caught. The ATF came in. Yeah, he got, really?

Yeah, the ATF came in, and they're like, so they're all fucking afraid right now. Oh, so you probably got, you got to befriend the guys, so you can get the under-the-counter shit. He gave it to me, but then they have all these other fucking, you know, pimply-faced freaks working there that they're all afraid. So you've got to go in when that guy's working now. Yeah, she's like, come back later. I'm like, yeah, okay, great. Yeah, I'll set a timer to come back. All the liberal places are more fascists.

Isn't that strange? I've been thinking the same thing, man. Canada's taking away guns from people now. They're going door to order to. taking guns away. Really? That's what I saw. Because of tweets.

Who knows if it's true? Well, it's probably because of the woke mind. But then in California, you have less rights, but supposedly, fashion is a right-wing thing. It's crazy. It's fucking nuts. All I know is I'm fucking praying for Tyler Fisher.

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I love the mango person. Mango's tremendous. Big fan of the mangoes are tremendous. Pick the nicotine level that's ripe for you so you can turn up the intensity whenever you need an extra boost. We love Lucy as we've talked about. Love Lucy. We love you. Yeah, Devin buys it with his own money. At least help us out. Every time I run out, I beg them to send me a fucking box. I send really pathetic emails to the guy who gets ads for us and then he forgets to email them and then I have to follow up later like two days later like I'm tweaking out he doesn't care about us he will listen to this he knows it's a comedy show comedy show comedy show it's called

lemon he's not a fucking moron he knows a company exactly these truly oh sorry devon oh yeah sorry no devon please I love lucy you love lucy keep going these truly Let's get out of this. These truly are the... We have another... There's more ads? Yeah. We actually, we've decided to start doing eight ads a show now.

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And use code lemon to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey. Nicotine. Now, yep, speaking of nicotine.

Hey, nicotine. Yeah, the only warning I need is how much fun I'm going to have. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. While you're moaning into your microphone. Very good, Ben. I actually can't do nicotine anymore because it's an inflammatory thing. God, I hate that.

It's stolen everything. from you. I don't think it is. I think it helps. I think it even thinks it. You know what? It's actually, it's inflammatory unless you use Lucy pouches. This still counts as the ad. They have to pass twice. Yes, there we go. But no, it's... Lucy's not inflammatory. The only the only thing inflammatory is you and you're fucking sick mind. Exactly. And my flaming. You're flaming back. Yeah. Does us making that claim violate FCC regulations? Possibly. Yeah. I'll figure out later. We'll figure it out. We want to talk about our next sponsor.

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your multivitamin, probiotic, and more. We all got the AG1 packs. I got it. I got it. It's very sleek. It looks like a... It looks good. It looks like a MacBook. It comes in a big fancy box.

Yep, exactly. With big metal tens. That's worth it on its own. It's just how it comes. If it was empty, I would just say thank you for this nice looking box. It looks really sick. They gave me a little, there's a cool bottle. I've been putting water in it.

I actually do like that bottle a lot. It's got a really heavy metal top that I really like. The top is nice. Yeah, I like a good top. And they have lots of flavors. My favorite's tropical because it tastes kind of like a Kool-A-jammer. Yeah. But a Kool-A-jamer made out of pea protein instead of sugar.

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So dinosaurs, so we have dinosaur DNA. Now here's what I'm thinking. Dino. Because I don't like... So the AI stuff isn't going to work. And all the robots and all that, it's not going to work because we don't have enough energy, right? Sure. So America doesn't descend into a third world shit hole where no one can buy homes and there's no power anyway.

And we're just kind of sitting around with our put and our paw while like the robots kill and like rape and they keep us safe, but we have no quality of life. And the power is always out, right? Right. So I think what we do instead is we pretend we're the robots and we, but we can't have slaves, right? We don't want a caste system. So what we have to do is use our technology to make flesh slaves for us. Okay. But you can't do that unless you get into, like, weird eugenic stuff and start having human farms where you grow people who don't have rights and everything.

That sounds good to me. What's wrong with that? A human, like a Tyson chicken farm, but for people? Yeah, because they don't. They don't have souls because they were made through science. If we grew them. Yeah. Fuck them.

Yeah, then you can do whatever you want because they're not real people. They haven't, there's not like a, there's no basis. for respect anymore. Do we make them dress like wiggers? Whatever we want. Dude, I actually would. I actually would.

You could get me to support almost anything if it's wigger adjacent. Yeah. We give them face tattoos and everything. If chat GBT was like, we're teaching your grandma how to be a wigger. I'd be like, fine. Take my water.

I don't care. Take it. So you're proposing an alternative. I propose that we use the dinosaur DNA to make dinosaurs because if all these, like if the Dary and pass ever opens up and all these people start running through the jungle all these drug traffickers and human traffickers and stuff they start working their way up here to get in the u.s and

canada what are we going to do about it we're we're going to need t-rexes velociraptors bit i want big fuckers too to just step on people i want them crushed i want their heads to pop like gushers you want a you want a mexican guy impaled on a stegosaurus yes like he's uh like he's a fucking a barbecue. Because they need a feed. So, like, for instance, if you're a farmer, you're a retard if you mow your grass. You're a wise man if you get a goat to eat the grass. And so this is what I propose is that dinosaurs start eating brown people to keep us safe.

And the dinosaurs also need to eat. Is this making sense to you guys at all? No. To keep people from coming over the border. We have dinosaurs guard the border. because it's just it's inhumane because even with the thing is with dinosaurs too is you can be like I don't know man they have a mind

of their own like no one's pulling the trigger I kind of wish you were on your meds forever you're yeah you're at a wild I don't know what's going on right now if we train big lizards to eat brown people on border we've done we've tried that

yeah that's a guy in DARPA at the Pentagon he goes we worked on that my uncle was in DARP shut up I mean don't even bring it up Can we get the owner's nephew out of this fucking meeting? Jesus Christ. This is a big thing.

They Pentagon. Yeah, yeah. They're like, Trump is there. I'm standing up proposing. Big lizards to eat. And there's a guy holding his temples. He goes, we've tried that. You asshole.

It was just like the movie Jurassic Park. They killed all of us. They killed us beautiful white people. Idiot. Trump is playing candy crush on his phone. He looks up. He goes, kill him. Take him away and kill him.

He goes, kill him in a very cartoonish way. And bring me peanut M and M&M's. I was reading, like Baron was telling me about this Franz Kafka short story in the penal colony. Can you write the word fagging on his back and kill him? I can't wait for Trump to be like, be like, Baron loves DixCord. DixCord is very big and he loves it. DixCorp? He keeps going off. He goes DixCord.

I'm worried that Barron's gay. He loves DixCord. Barron's on. He met Tyler Robinson on DixCord. Barron is on Discord all day posting like Why are all these Floyds posting race slop?

Like that's how he speaks. So Barron's watching like George Droid assassinate Charlie Kirk Some weird sore to edit Barron's making Photoshop's Of Cash Patel That would make you throw up

He's posting He's inventing new types of racism In Discord around now God I hope that leaks at some point. Barron's Discord? Well, not the Discord, but just his internet activity? Yeah, because

they'll write biographies about presidents all the time, but for future presidents, it'll be like, you know, in 2025, they started their first Discord account, and then it's just chat logs of who they befriended and how they changed their worldview. A short period when he was

when he first became a senator, he got really into truning out for a while. He almost truned out all the way. And that's like Theodore Roosevelt, the 8th. And then Barron met his foyd. Yeah. Barron... Malon...

Barron got caught Googling Titty Picks, Malanya Trump. He's jacking off to his mom. There is something about if your mom is a foreigner, is it incest? Oh, you know what? Do you know what I mean, Devin? Let's dig into this.

Right, because he's kind of not even... Because he speaks better English than her now, so he's like, you're not even a person. mom. I'm going to jack off to you. She's like a, and she was sex traffic herself supposedly. Yeah, she's like a distant, it's almost like your mom's like a distant cousin. Right, exactly. Yeah, no, I get it.

And she sounds like she's in the videos. I get it. I get it, man. I'm totally kidding. Okay. No, but for real, it's less weird. It's less weird if you fuck your mom, but she's not even from here. I think that's the clip.

Yeah. Let's tell Griffin. get on that. Click that. I was literally like while you, the whole time you've been talking, I had a flashback to we were at the Marin screening and he was doing the Q&A and he said every podcast is three guys talking about the last time they shit himself and then we all started laughing. Which he's said multiple times.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. He's repeated that a few times. Sure, sure, sure. So shout out to what's the name of the documentary? Are we good? Our buddy, Stephen Fine Arts made, Are We Good. Great documentary. Go check it out.

I don't know if it's for sale anyway. But Google, are we good question mark? I mean, I think it's premiering like on Friday. Oh, there you go. Yeah, so go see that. It's in theaters right now. He shits on comics in it. It's very funny.

It's about him losing his wife or his girlfriend. It's at the AMC. It's very funny. It's about him losing his wife. It's very. We were laughing very hard. It was, yeah, it was fun. It was a good time.

And what you guys think of the Q&A after? Jay's asked a question. I asked the question. I asked the question. He asked Mark Maren a question. It was great. I literally, I was like, I was sitting the whole thing. I was like, if I don't get Mark Maren.

of me. If I don't get him to talk about Tony Hinchcliff, am I even a man? If I don't make elephant graveyard videos real life right now, I'm not a, I'm not a man anymore. So I just asked him about Austin and Amy. He was like, he's like, Tony's a fagg. He should kill himself. And I was just like, I was like, woo. Yeah, he did. He said, he's like, who's going to be upset to me? Tony Hinchcliff? Yeah, he's like, he sucks. Yeah. What did you ask? You said, have you had any fallout from actually talking shit about comedians? Because comedians refuse to talk shit about each other now. I tried to ask him a much more nuanced question but he was being very annoying at me while I was asking it.

He kept in erupting, Jayce. He had no respect. He had no respect. And I go, I go, I'm a fellow. I'm a warrior with you. Yeah. And you're treating me like this. But no, I just asked him, I go, I go, you should have stood up and be like, as a podcaster, myself.

Yeah. People start throwing stones at you. Yeah, yeah. They immediately recognize who you are. Well, no, I told Devin, I was like, I was like, that was fun. I'm glad I asked that because he was like talking about, you know, there's people who grift and they make money. and there's better comedians who don't grift

and they don't make money and then I was like, I'm glad I asked him about that, and then we went out into the lobby and I realized every open micer that I hated back in the day was at the screening. Yeah. And then I... They were all getting a rush from him saying that. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm...

Like me, yeah, if I was an outright grifter like Chase, I would make less of money to you. It was fun that we were there because I think a lot of people think we wouldn't be there, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But we're very... We're hard to pin down, you know.

Exactly. Can't pin us down. I enjoy Marin. We're a walking contradiction. I enjoy Marin and admit that he sucks at the same time. I didn't like him when he came in. No, he had a very bad vibe. When he sat down and did the Q&A, I was like, you know what?

Enough of you. You're very rude. You're kind of a rude man. And doing this grumpy man persona is kind of rude when we all paid money and watched your movie about the death and everything. And you're the guy that's like, oh, I never get enough credits. You know, I've heard him say this. He wants like awards and some of some, he wants some actual.

acknowledgments and it's like well you have a movie out at the AMC you're at the Americana everyone's here and you act like you like you want to be anywhere else yeah and you're being kind of what you've begged for for years but you've got to be mark marron about it I was just kind of I thought it would be kind of funny if like there was because it was at the AMC Americana so in Glendale so I was just kind of like damn wouldn't it be awesome if like a bunch of just like Armenian hype beast just bought tickets without knowing what they're coming to so confused yeah they thought it was a sequel to Are we there yet?

They're like, when this fucking ice cube come out? But yeah, it was, it was fine. We brought a friend of ours, we won't name, who the minute it ended, we were walking out, Marin's behind us, and he goes, dude, Mark Merrin sucks. That was boring. We watched the documentary about him going through Greece. Yes.

And our friend was like, dude, Mark Maron is fucking, fuck him. We're like, shut up. We're trying to get him on the pod, man. But it was an interesting night And we know the guy who made the documentary too So we were you know It was great He made an amazing documentary

It was really good And Mark's defense You know I talked to Stephen about it Like Mark, he gets resurrected Grief All that grief gets resurrected Because he had to watch the end of it again With his girlfriend dying and stuff

And it fucking makes him feel exposed So he's all mad and angry I get that He's like he was And Mark's in the lobby like Where's the fucking Uber? I get the Uber I get that

I get that 100% But he was slightly rude to me, which is a sin that can never be forgiven. Ever. I think we're mistaking his orneriness for just him having to deal with grief. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right.

I think you're right. I think you're right. You know. I disagree. I think he's an asshole. I'm going to double down. I want him to... He said the N-word a lot. He's insane. There's, yeah, the whole documentary. Crazy. It's kind of insane. Yeah, he seems like Chappelle's new special. That didn't we're crazy. Who's your last number one?

Yes, we could get on the show. Mine is either Marin or Tom Green, those two people. Tom Green would be great. I would love to get the Prince of Saudi Arabia on the podcast. I think it would be a great guess. Burr figures out about Al Qaeda. He says, Burr's performing for Al Qaeda. He goes, dude, they're like us.

They got on flights, dude. Like, they fly, they don't even fly business. They fly coach, dude. They were upset. They were cramped back there. There was like a baby crying, so they had to wash the cockpit. Dude, you never had a bad day on a flight? Jesus Christ.

Jesus fucking Christ. You know, there's some reporters I'd like to chop up in this little suitcase, you know? Saudi Arabia was amazing. And he's not really saying they had like burger kings. You know, I'm reading about Osama Bin Laden. It's like the guy loved pornography. And like he, like, who doesn't like caves, dude? They're like us.

Remember as a kid, you go, like, find a cave? He literally said, he said, he goes, everyone, he goes, the people who ride in the festival loved it. It was a success. He's acting like it was like a black box theater in like Brooklyn that had like a good show. And it was a beautiful like we brought comedy to a new culture that I never had. He's like all the royals loved it though. Yeah.

Bill showed up and like the moment his plane landed all the slaves hid like cockroaches. All the slaves that were building like the comedy set and hanging the curtains and stuff. Like they hide like coyotes behind bushes and rocks as Bill walks through. Yeah. Dude, they have chilies here. They're free. you think they're not free here they have Applebee's

It was great Nobody called my wife a monkey It's a great place dude I know So we land My wife gets a dart to the neck I had to negotiate With some guys

To get her out They thought she was Britney Greiner They were all confused And Bill's comments You asked my merry question And then you say something like that Mark's going hard at Burr

Mark's going hard at Burr right now No yeah is he no he hasn't said anything specifically not specifically about him but he's like fuck all those comics that we're gonna go yeah he's talking about what if mark mary gets upset about it he's like he's like and your black wife is fucking running you are we good are we good we good because everyone could tell you being run by your black wife that's so insane no it's crazy that's so insane Yeah, I didn't do it No, you're mocking the idea

Because people are like Yeah That's all anyone brings up Is that he has a black wife I don't actually understand How him going to Saudi Arabia Was because of his black what Like I see that narrative

Were people actually saying that? Yeah, they're like It's his wife again I'm like what was that I think he's just kind of like Wait they just see a dark woman They're like she loves Saudi Arabia Yeah you're like

I mean I don't even understand How she would have had anything to do with that Yeah Why if she's so progressive Wouldn't she have like actually like told him Don't do it? Yeah, I mean, you would figure, but who knows? You know, those checks, those checks are hard to say no to, I guess.

I didn't like Louis's thing on Marr, where he's like, it was, you know, it's crazy. He's like, I just respect everybody and it's like there's, there was like sand and cars. It was crazy. It's just, you know, it's just one of those things where it's like, you know, it's just kind of, I respect everyone's opinion on it. Yeah. Just say you worship the golden calf of Babylon and you want millions of dollars. I would respect that more. I'm not even getting.

I'm a bad guy. I mean, even when Israel first started happening, some of the big podcasters were trying to tiptoe into like, do we think Israel is good? And they were like having pro-Israeli guests defending Israel. And like the whole comment section hated them. They're like, oh, just actually, I'm on this side now. You tell me what to believe, actually.

My financial advisors have told me that it's time to hate Israel. But I could be back. I could be back depending on what everyone tells me what to say. If the whole state becomes a green zone, by Wednesday, I'm back on Team Israel. If it means staying on Google. It was funny when the initial images came out of it, and it was, like, Chappelle putting his hands in the, like, the sand made up of, like, minced clits or whatever. And he's holding his hands up to the camera.

What they shut through, like, a whole Italian meat grinder? They were grinding it, turning it into, like, Pappardelli or whatever they go over there. A guy pushing the big metal tube down, yeah. Um. But Christy Stefano, they showed him, like, talking to the camera and stuff. And then they showed him go out on stage. And it was like, it was not many people there. It was like 18 people there.

It looked like even, like, the crown princes were like, time to get a drink. They're like, who is this Bay Ridge fan? They're like, I never, he, the history hyenas disbanded. I never forgave him. I don't care for the New Yorkers. Too close to choose. Too close to the. I thought we finished them off when we funded 9-11.

I guess they're still here Which we all know we loved doing 9-11 Everybody loved 9-11 That was kind of like a retirement ceremony For comedy, wasn't it? That's what it felt like to me Yeah Yeah, let's all take a bow

It was all no one ever believed in anything And it would never happen And it was ever real Goodbye everybody That was the thing to me with Bernie Comedy is now the Savannah bananas Yeah basically Hinchcliff didn't do it

And either did Rogan So how about we stopped giving them So much fucking shit Wow Exactly Because they would have thought Rogan was a little boy And fucked him They would have put him in one of those pedophile cults they had there

No, it actually made me I was shocked how sad the Burr statement made me Because I think he was like I know Tell said no to the money by the way David Tell said no Yeah, Attel said no Which rules Yeah, but it was just like

Per was fucking better than all these people Per was like the last guy really like respected Who felt like he wasn't doing a grift One way or the other Or hadn't died You know And then I was like Oh well okay

I guess no, I actually, I, uh, I thought he would do it and then not even mention it. That would have been better, but the fact that he taught, when he talked about it and he was so nice, he sounds so, it sounds like he's just reading off like a propaganda cue card. Yeah, and talking about like, what a beautiful, like, experience he was. And he said, he's talked, he's made fun of Beyonce for going and all these people. It's like, what are you talking about? A ton of clips, yeah. They're calling him in his comment section, Billy Bonesaw.

Billy Bonesaw. They should, pretty good. They should forever. but that's also a problem with a guy like Burr who like his whole thing has been always saying like yeah I don't know like with cancel culture that's not half it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's yeah now you're seeing yeah now it's really it's gonna stick with you this is going I mean I hope at least ticket sales are probably going down you would figure yeah I mean his fans are really they they they no one seems to be held accountable for anything anymore though so yeah it doesn't so that's why everybody makes the bad decision because nothing matters anyway. Yeah, I know, I know. So they're like, we all live in hell. Like, it's already we're in hell. Can the flames get any higher? Yeah, I just kept thinking, and I don't want to turn this into like an O and A message board, but I just kept thinking of one story. And I want to say Opie sucks, by the way. Opie did go to Riyadh, by the way. But they said they wanted to kill

him. Opie kept trying to butt in at Riyadh and they told them to shut out. Yeah. Because they they want their, even their air to be dead. Very good, Devin. Woo! That went for reserve, brought you back. Oh, yeah. You know, I had to do a... Game six.

I had to wake up a little bit. Jesus Christ. Game six. But, no, the thing that I kept thinking about... Game six, Tower seven. Tower seven. Hey, comedy. They did it.

Riyadh. We might be jihadists. I kept thinking of a story Burr told on O&A one time that he had accepted a gig to get Yankees tickets and he was doing comedy on a bus on the way there and everybody was clowning on him at the cellar and then when they were done

Patrice pulled them aside and was like for real I respect you I think you need to realize that there's things you say to know to for your own like manhood like to have pride in who you are and that's something you say no to. Who did Patrice say this to? To Burr. To Burr.

And so no, he was turning shit down like that when he had 80 bucks in his bank account. Right. And now he's got millions and a Hollywood home in classic cars. He's like, I can't turn anything. But then he flies to Riyadh to perform for Calvin Candy, but he's a trillionaire. That's what I'm saying.

Like, do you realize this is like, this is a, Bill, you know how you think plantation owners are bad and, like, racism? And that's, well, do you know what you're doing here? Mm-hmm. It's like, these guys were, like, heroes to me. You know what I mean? Like, these guys are based, I base my own morality and comedy around, you know, and then they do shit like that. It just made me sad.

Yeah. Yeah. I had to watch. Yeah, dude, but fuck, but fuck racist, dude. Dude, fuck racist and fuck people who hate women, dude. Do you really need another yacht? I mean, how... What are you talking about now?

It's like it canceled out everything he's ever... Now I think he's a midway. Like, he has Down syndrome. I'm like, are you retarded? Are you an actual retard? Yeah. You actually retarded. It's like he's...

never met himself suddenly. His response on his show was... Top three experience of his life. Top three. I forgot about that. I deleted that from my point. Of his life. So at the top is probably his children being born.

It's probably safe to say. Marrying his wife. Then marrying his wife. Then performing the 9-11. The royal family. Yeah. The Saudi royal family. The Saudi royal family. Yeah. Number three. That's number three. Number four, the day I forgave my dad on his deathbed.

but that's three it's just crazy it's crazy to be that's all yeah he was just doing the road yeah he called it doing the road I'm just I don't know

I actually the most disappointing part of it is that Josh Adam Myers did it that really deflated me and all my belief and you were just mad that he got all that money yeah I just

when I saw that he did it I was like really did he do the goddamn comedy jam Josh Adam Myers did it are there are there Are there no gods left? I have nobody left. I have nobody left.

So I guess this is funny. They don't clear if... So, okay, I'm ignorant about everything, right? So if you're a Muslim, you're not allowed to make art because there's no room for anything secular. Is that true? In Islam. Oh, I thought it was just you couldn't make art of Mohammed.

No, you're not allowed to make art. It's like an idol? I'm pretty sure. I mean, I'll look that up. So that means they don't dignify comedy as an art. for him. Right. So that's why Dave Chappelle became Muslim. I mean, I'll look it up. Yeah. If you're

in Islam, can you make art? Yeah, can Muslims make art? I think you can only make art that, like, glorifies Islam. If you're in Islam. Can you make art? I don't think you can. There are restrictions,

particularly against creating images of living beings due to the prohibition of the Hadith, which aims to prevent idolatry and humans competing with the role of God, art that focuses on geometric patterns, calligraphy, or inanimate natural objects is widely permissible. Oh. That actually makes a lot of sense if you think about like shit made in the Middle East.

So you can only make non-living subjects. And photography says permits photography of living beings believing it to be a capture of reality rather than creating life. So they don't believe photography is art. Right. Yeah. They're big idol guys. That's why they don't want the drawings of Muhammad because it's like an idol.

You can't depict animals either. because that's living You can draw a bug That's interesting Can Muslims draw a bug? Like a worm Islam is anti-creativity and artistic expression

You can't draw human figures or animals Because God would be mad at you For being evil or dare enough To try matching his creation The greatest Reddit threat of all time Islam is anti-creativity 350 comments I'm gonna see if you're in Islam

Can you make music And then ask if you can make good music He said He actually He said dude the royals loved it the royals loved it i listened to something today and i heard that again among scholars some deem all music forbidden it's haram particularly instrumental music while others permit certain that's like that's gay the only thing allowed is that j z song he did with the with the

hijabi guy that's crazy like some of them can't listen to like all along the watchtower or like freebird yeah that's they would immediately go to like classic rock Well, shit, when I feel like it's a transcendent thing, like, when it goes into the solo and Freebird, I know that's like a gay, like... No, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry for dismissing that. Jimmy Buffett short, but that's like, I'm like, holy shit, that's great. It's crazy when he rips into that. You're right.

It is. They can't hear, like, more than a feeling for the very first time. They can't listen to Boston. They can't listen to Boston. So, they hate Freebird because it's free. The damn bird is free Comedy Dude that's the thing

You know it's like we were over there It's like The holiday it expresses are great in Riyadh It's like you know It's like this place is a little different But you know You know it's kind of like cultures Create different sets of circumstances for different

People's It's like you get your money The women were really They were covered up It was weird They were real scared scared of everything that's so weird that's a whole

it's basically a whole culture that's not allowed to do art yeah why is it but why is it evil to so first of all that means I don't know man I don't get it whatever I don't get it I just don't understand it oh you can't play a guitar but you can cut a guy's head off

and crucify him so you know they by the way in Saudi Arabia they'll cut someone's head off and then they crucify their head off headless body on a cross and they leave it up for three days in the public square for people to walk by right they'll also do mass executions bin solomon will order mass executions where like 88 people will be killed that was actually someone comes in like kill bill volume one it just just fucking chopping people's heads off that was the backdrop for bill set was 88 crucified headless

guys. I'm like, dude. You guys need some head and shoulders over here. It's crazy. Jesus Christ. No. No, you can't shit in my face. Jesus Christ.

It actually is fucking insane. No, it's insane. It's insane. What just happened? I know. I don't know. It's making me rethink everything. It makes me feel like a gullible, naive idiot.

Even with how much shit we go, we go, it's, it almost kind of feels like the, carrying the torch of Patrice a little bit, you know, from those days of like dying on the truth and believing in what you say and believing in the art form and stuff. And that feels all dead, completely dead. Not to be gay, I guess. I know that's a gay thing to say. No, it's all, it's, it's one of those things where it's like, yeah, it's gay to even care about i guess but but it's like isn't austin enough i thought we already had her on saturday

is it we had did they have to add another one there are ritual killings in the river there there are there's also a lot of killing on stage and there's there's slave owners in austin probably there's probably human slave ranches around austin like in dripping dripping spring dripping we're living dripping spring Johnson City. What is that about? Big, Big Wiener City. Yeah, what's that about?

Yeah, no, it's, I literally thought I was like, well, this is probably, I had a thought where I'm like, well, this is probably like literally a PR company released this on behalf of the Saudi Royals and say Bill Burs at it. And then I scrolled down and it was like, no, these were comments from his podcast. No, I listened to it. Do you think he was paid in a contract to say these things on his show? If he was, I don't care. I don't care.

That's just as bad to me, you know? Dude, the royals loved it. Like in the, and they'll kill her way. I thought it was kind of funny. Bird told the story where he goes, dude, I'm out of Starbucks over there. And like, there's a girl, a woman comes in with a baby. And I'm like, oh, what a cute baby, you know?

And the woman, you know, she smiles. And yeah, I can't see her smile because, you know, the covering. But, you know, I'm pretty sure she was smiling at me. And I was like, oh, they're just like us, dude. You hear how insane you are, that you saw her through her executioner Did he say that? I have the timestamp and everything on the Monday morning podcast. He said she thought he thought she was definitely smiling.

I could tell, I could tell us she was smiling just because I could, you know, I couldn't see her mouth, but the eyes squinted, you know? I couldn't quite tell because if she ever took her covering off in public, she would be beheaded and stoned to death, but, you know, they're just like us, man. They're just like us, they're just like us. They're just like us because they can order for Apecino. Yeah. But the richest people, the richest one percent of one person in that kind of.

hundred can order Frappuccinos. I think I read they're just like us. They have 20, they have like 25,000 people are slaves there, like actual slaves. Yeah, real life slaves in the year 2025, you know. I mean, yeah, and a bunch of people tried to make the point like, oh, yeah, like America is such a great place. But it's like you're not performing for the government. You're not, you know, like Ed Buck isn't giving you a million dollars to perform in front of, you know, a bunch of tied up black guys, you know. That he's injected with diesel and meth

Yeah, exactly If you did a show in Saudi Arabia And it was just like paid for by people in Saudi Arabia buying tickets to it It's a completely different fucking thing In my opinion Everyone's brainwashed Everybody's fucking brainwashed

Yeah I don't want to be gay about it But it really upset me Dude the only thing that's bad are racists and Nazis dude And like people that hate women Dude the prince is a nice guy You know who's bad people who tweet Those are the real bad guys The racist trolls dude

The racist trolls. All he did was cut up a guy and put him in a little suitcase, but he never tweeted. Free Luigi! Shut up, fag. Fuck that. No. Luigi would kill you now. Get fucked.

Fuck you. Fuck you. You're fucking queer. You're fucking homo. Fuck you. Yeah, it's... Louis goes on Bill Maher, and he goes... they were like a lesbian

Jewish woman went over there she got standing ovation like we're like made that's like progressive like we're making history over there he's talking about Jessica Kirsten who gave all the money back to oh she did yeah she apologized and gave

it to a human rights organization good for her she owned up to it at least yeah yeah yeah and it's just funny because underneath the stage is actual bodies holding up the stage she's getting it there's guys like this for

hours holding it up as louis just kind of pacing around going i fucking come in my cum bucket and then the the cum spelt and there's a guy under him going jesus christ he's he's been doing that his whole life he's been holding up a yeah planks underneath the the saudi royal guy he is actual atlas in real life yes yeah he's a greek myth yeah he's sisyphus yeah and he's just going like my daughters don't speak to me anymore you guys are just fucking like us You're fucking, you know, give it up for you guys For fucking fucking... For coming out.

For supporting fucking free speech and stuff. He was kind of talking about it. Like, it's like, well, there has to be a starting point at some point of, like, bridging the gap kind of, like, so... It's negative. Comedy festivals that have just people... That's what he's framing is. He's doing it for free speech. Yeah.

He's doing it to... Yeah, it's free speech, meanwhile, I made $3 million. Breaking the barrier. Yeah, it's like, well, then you guys shouldn't have gotten paid anything, right? Yeah. if it was just for... I'm kind of like Rosa Parks in that...

Righteous reasons. Yeah. Much like Rosa Parks, I got paid $3 million to perform for subjugators. Yeah. Just say you're a greedy little gold pig

and you took the blood money. Yeah, literally just... Literally just say I'm a dirty little gold pig. It's at the point where it's like, just say you did it for the money and you have a little bit more respect than the others. Yes. It was a magical...

It's just like crazy... crazy. I'm like, froze apart. You know, like I performed. Like he was a progressive. Yeah.

He's like, I performed. That was insane. I've done, I couldn't believe that clip. I've done like benefits for cops and people don't like them. It's like,

yeah, that's the exact same. You know what it is? It's everybody's a master of fence sitting. Uh-huh. Louis and he goes, David Cross wrote that thing about me going over there and it's like,

that's crazy. We used to be roommates and then we grew apart and it's, I'm like, you're just saying that time, you go, Times, was then and now times now and it passed crazy but that's beautiful and i want and he has opinions and i'm on now i'm on the fence no one is ever saying anything or or on a having an opinion

whatsoever about any every week on everybody's show they say the opposite thing of what they said last week because it's the popular thing to say yes it's just like i can't like does anybody have teeth does anybody except except for billmore Except for Bill Maher. Bill didn't go, but he did tell Louie he did the right thing. Well, Bill always sides with evil, and that's why I respect him. I do love him. That's what I love about Bill, is that he'll always be wrong.

That's what I mean. Regardless of the topic. It's beautiful. It is beautiful. He could be taking the right side in something and still be wrong something. He's never right. Never, not once. Not even by accident.

Louis's like, it's like you flipped a coin 800 times in a row, and you wafts everyone. You called it wrong every single time. Yeah. It's statistical anomaly. You've never, every blackjack hand you've ever played, you've never hit. Yeah, it's like literally Bill would even be like talking. He's like, I think slavery's bad. And you're like, okay.

And he's like, because black people aren't smart enough to make their own decisions. You're like, what? Still wrong somehow. What were you saying about Mar? I know you pontificate about Mar. Lily and the fence said, I don't care about Mar. He didn't, he just, he runs. his show he doesn't need anything else besides his show but louis yeah you're right it was it was a

pretty fence-sitting response yeah it was a non-answer it's they all learned from the politicians yeah that they that they love of just saying nothing about sitting on the fences that i have a i can jack off to the house next door yeah they all do the thing like that jadey man's thing that drives me crazy where they get criticized and they're like it's crazy that liberals are like mad about this type of thing he's such a master though like when even when he when he said what he said on on on on mar about about it all i was like i guess but no no it's full it's tom fory i wanted him to just say like listen i don't give a shit they already fuck they already fucked with my careers right i'll do anything i'll do whatever he's like i had to sell my boat i want my boat back you'd be like oh okay

yeah exactly whatever yeah he's like they don't care they didn't yell at me they didn't act like I raped somebody so I don't care say that just be like Saudi Arabia never acted like I raped somebody Saudi Arabia didn't make

Mark Marin to stop being friends with me right yeah was that one of your questions you might have asked Marin were you going to ask him about Louie my first question was I was like how young does the pussy have to be before it's a no go

I think I said that last week but yeah lower lower I'm going to say a number, you just say lower or higher. I go 24, and he looks at me, and I go, whoa, really? That's crazy. No, I did. I had a couple.

I was thinking about, like, just doing where you get your ideas from, pulling anatomy you get. I thought for a second, I should ask him, like, what advice do you have for somebody getting into stand-up comedy? That's very funny. That's very funny. I know. I was really, I spent most of the documentary thinking about my little question that I was going to ask. immediately. I'm a real sicko about that shit.

I go, I'm going to ask the perfect question and everybody will know I'm a little genius boy. But no, I was glad I went. I'm glad I drove 19 hours to go see that documentary. You poor guy, man. You got to drive so much now. I know. I drove on a Friday.

It was four hours up here. Can I just say, like, we ran into a comic that we used to know from back of the day. You know, we always make jokes about these people like that they always, the crazy, like cartoonish things of half. Are you sure you want to say this? Yeah, you can't, fuck it, who cares?

Should I not? Say it, no, say it, please. No, no, okay, it's not even funny. Just, we ran into a comic, and they said they recently got hit by a car. After I literally said, like, what have you been up to? And they're like, I got hit by a car. That was the first thing. It was like, I got hit by a car.

You run into these people and you're like, I'm not even making fun of them. I'm just saying what happened? No, but you run into these people and you're like, what have you been up to? I haven't seen you in a couple years. They're like, I was just smashed with a big piano. Exactly. But if you listen to the show, you know how silly that was to hear for us. Yeah.

Because it's, they're like, yeah, I just lost a fight to an anvil. Yeah, so it was, I was having a good year. I was doing a couple of runs in the Midwest, and then a big piano fell on me. And now my teeth are big piano. Yes, I know. Yeah. So then I'm not even making, I didn't say anything eaten fucked up. I'm just saying, you know, ran into somebody that I, I love.

and they got hit by a car and they're recovering yeah they were like I ran into a big tunnel that was painted onto the side of a cliff and then I turned into a big accordion I've been yeah

I've been running from a coyote but I hear yeah but I hear your racist podcast is going very well Mm-hmm A lot of that type of stuff yeah that person walked up and I left. I was like, I, I was like, I have two hours to drive home. If they keep talking to me, I might not kill myself, but not let myself live. You know what I mean? Like, just kind of like

let myself fall asleep and then the next thing I know, I'm at the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. Outside the two nuclear reactors that look like tits on the way to San Diego. What are those two tits, by the way? I know they're nuclear reactors, but what's going on? Because there's two giant titties between L.A. and San Diego, and it's such a weird metaphor for someone transitioning into, like, something. It's, it's, it's like a post-off thing. Well, no, no, no. I'm post-op on life?

No, I'm saying, like, from L.A., halfway to L.A. to San Diego, there's a giant pair of tits. Yeah. And it's just this weird metaphor to me. It's like, you're getting closer to being gay. Like, literally. Like, you're halfway to being gay. I, you know what I mean, Devin?

I'm trying to. Have you seen the two big titties? Is it like a new, is it like a reactor? Yeah, you know, the two new queer reactors that literally, they're like shaped like spheres and they have little tops on. They look like nipples. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. I don't know, Ben.

You haven't seen the titties? I think it's ringing a bell. How could you not know what I'm talking about? You have to be being uptoe straight now. No, I'm not. I just don't remember. Can you pull up for the fans? Pull it up.

Can you pull up a picture just before we go, so they know what we're talking about? Pull it up. I know we're not crazy. What city is it in? It's like Camp Pendleton. I don't know. Just type it in two titties on the way to San Diego.

Type in two titties on the way to San Diego. Type in two titties. on the way to San Diego, Ben. Come on the nuclear two titties on the way to San Diego refer to the twin containment domes of the now decommissioned San Anofro Nuclear Generating Station. AI knows exactly See the two tits there and there?

It's called songs. That's not a good picture of them either. That's not a good pick. No, it's not a good pick. They look better from the highway. Oh, I can't really see. Oh, there's one of the titties. They're literally in the movie, Naked Gun, by the way. A naked gun, too, I think. I was re-watching it, and there's a scene where he's like everything reminds me of her, and then they drive past the two Titties building. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah, those are the two tits. The two tits, yeah. Devin, are you even attracted to women? You don't remember seeing, you don't see these in the immediately thing about tits and like tits you've like titty fuck. Maybe I miss them. I don't go to San Diego. You don't think about like. I've been on my drive.

I've jacked off to these before. Yeah, no, that's fine. Then my mouth starts watering when I see these two big things. I go, mama. No, they're good, man. They're good. I don't remember my drives to San Diego that well. Yeah.

Oh. I'm looking at the. road unlike you you're looking all over the plans putting your kids lives in danger what a wild accusation talking about monkeys or some sick shit you do you do that

what do you do that what do you do that say it say what I do that you fucking put on sunglasses I didn't make any monkey jokes on this episode Devin made all of them you put on you put FSD on and then you you fucking you put FSD and I will be asking you to edit that out you you put on

you put sunglasses on at night so you could fucking text us insane shit about like Mike Brubigley or something unless your kids are in the back seat Mike Brubigli said no to the Riyadh money. Yeah well yeah that's kind of what's also funny about it though is that a lot of the people

that because they've I also still somehow I'm critical of him saying no somehow. Because you fuck him. I totally get what you mean. But he's You didn't say it for a good reason. I'm like, you said it because you just want the credit.

Yeah. Like, you totally would have. Oh, you want to be on This American Life again? Yeah, exactly. That's why you said it. Fuck you. Yeah, fuck off. I should have taken it, bitch.

Burr is, like, spoken out more than you. You should just do it. No one will fucking, I guess they would care. I don't fucking know. He should have been sleepwalking out of the Burj Khalifa. Yeah. Falling to his death. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't have much more to say about it, to be honest. The only thing I have to say is these two tits, Devon's never seen them before. I want to suck them and fuck them. And I love them. They're ringing a bell now. I think they're...

But I'm ringing more than a bell, my friend. I think they're not sure I remember them that long. I think they're tearing them down pretty soon, actually, because they're decommissioned. I think Devin was exposed to porn too early, so now he can't even appreciate tits in the wild. Like, he doesn't see a cloud that looks like a naked lady and he gets horny. It does nothing for him. Man, you know what? I'm actually...

I never realized that before. Before porn, people probably did get horny at clouds from time to time. Yeah. Well, they'd also just shape their hand into, like, a woman and be like, oh, I want to fuck you. Guys used to draw. And then you would jack off to you, just your hand sitting there like that, and you'd pretend it's a woman. Guys used to draw tithes and jack off to them, yeah. I mean, they still do that.

You deviant art has a whole, yeah, but you've got to be a real sicko to do that. I'm talking regular people. George Bailey was doing that back of the day. George Bailey did that shit. Well, back then you could do whatever you wanted to women. You didn't need to draw anything. Let me draw a big picture of titties for you, Mary. I know we'd done that bit before, but I do love it.

I know. I know. What if I rape the moon? George Floyd Bailey is holding a gun to the moon's belly. What if I put a net? What if I put my knee on the moon? What if I kneel on the moon for eight minutes, 37 seconds? Mary

Oh, and fuck us Yeah Fuck Saudi Arabia Fuck Saudi Arabia And fuck us Fuck us Fuck us Fuck Bill Burr

What fuck man Why'd you do that to us? Why did you do that to us Why did you do that, Burr? Jesus Jesus Jesus Christ Burr

You've got a cold Cold soul. I literally knew you're about to do that. Bill Burr, because he's got a cold soul. He's got a frosty morality. Yep. Oh, BRR. B.R.

That's good, man. Bill. Brr. Fucking icy conscience. your morals are frozen your morals are frozen over bear you can't you cash evil bills belly bones are what the fuck man yeah do you want to go over to the to the patreon yeah i want i brought some stew i'm going to heat up okay and then i'm going to eat it did i say you brought gruel to my house it says it's like a bunch of gruel in the fridge it's like sitting on top of

my fridge is perfectly clean and now it looks gross I'm so scared of your fridge every week I bring over a new whiskey bottle that I leave in your fridge and Ben brings over gruel yeah yeah there's so much stuff growing in there because of you two

that's why he has black stuff growing at the top in the back I almost set my stew there and I was like oh god is it black stuff growing? There's some black stuff there's mold and it's black and it's growing like pillars

up and it's connecting to the top like it's a slack type. I respect all types of mold, man, unlike you. I'll figure it out. I have to hire cleaners after I move everything out. Because I'm in a horrible transitionary period. Of my life? You've never gone through it. So.

Yeah, it kind of feels like the ground's falling out underneath me. You have no idea what I've been going through with a lot of care. There you. There's no antibiotics for what I'm going through. yuck it up laugh it up laugh it up meanwhile i'm crying to cameron winter albums laugh it up funny man my mom's getting hip surgery in a couple weeks oh is she really

yeah oh yeah although i should shoot her message okay Jesus Jesus Christ And the fact, I'll talk about it. I got your ass. This might be the page round. Oh. Well, you used to do that. You used to act like, you know, we always had hope or anything. Well, we did the ads, though.

Well, you can't take them. Well, I guess we could do the ads again on the Patreon. That was just doing a bit. I thought it was a very good main app. Yeah, it's fine. I'm just saying. You never know what if the next episode is like a fucking unbelievable, you know? Yeah, what if I get a text from like Tony Hawk wants to be a guest on the show?

Right now. Right out while I'm meeting Stu. And I'm like, hey, guys, Tony Hawk can be here in five minutes. Do we want to have them on? They're like, eh. Do we want to set him here, and he has the most uncomfortable conversation of his life? Can he not talk and just do kickflips all we make jokes? You know what I was excited about?

We were going to do an episode of Lemon Party in the InfoWorst Studio with Rex Jones, because he, I've been messaging him. He's a fan of Limit Party one day. Oh, right, right. We could have done it in the InfoWorst studio. We could have kicked ass. We can go do that, I guess. Rex is an ally. Yeah.

He's a good egg. It's a good egg. but we i can't travel anymore i don't know when i'm going to be able to travel again or do anything yeah maybe never you'll be all right man to quote to quote brett gelman in his stand-up video on youtube i am not doing well do you know that that clip of brett galman do you know but that sounds like him yeah where he says he says like a bunch of unfunny shit and then his punchline keeps saying i'm not doing well yeah that sounds like him sounds saying a bunch of unfunny shit He says a much of random stuff.

That's Brett's thing is like, I'm random guy. That was good. Random. He says something random and then goes, I am not doing well. And he's wearing a hat. Do you know the type of hat I'm talking about without even having to describe it? He wears a hat from like that they would wear in centers. Correct.

Correct. One of those hats to let you know he's goofy. And he takes himself seriously, but he's also. I'm not doing well. I've been compromised by a Mossad woman spy. And then once we start talking about Gelman again, I hit a big red button that says go to the Patreon. It like changes the same.

It ejects me out of my chair. It shoots you into a bowl of gruel that you can eat. And you don't go through the wall, you get paralyzed. You slam into the ceiling. I forgot to have Yarmels put in a hatch. I just have the part of shoots here. You just get, you're essentially killed. Yeah, you're essentially, you're paralyzed and you're in a big chair.

Doey-Doo-Doo-E. And we drop you off of your wife's house like your, like you're a shirt that she left over. You kept saying doy-dooy the other night. Do-y-Doo-y? Yeah. Quite frankly, I didn't find it that amusing. My daughter keeps saying, all the day, she kept saying, he goes, do-y? And I go, what's, I go, sweetie, what's do-y?

And she looks at me and goes, Dewey. And it's like she's in a secret society. She's like a Franciscan monk Walking around in a hood Speaking in some like Weird like a language That I can't understand Yeah

She's trying to I go what's Dewee mean And she goes D-Doh She's in the Dada da Vinjika Yeah It's time to tell you I've been

Doey Doey I taught her about Huey Newton I've been radicalizing your daughter Huey Newton Yeah Is he like a guy He was like a black leader You don't know about that

Of course you don't Sick fuck He was like a black Yeah He was a black guy That was a black guy that was really important for something he did black stuff he did black things and then he was i don't i know anything about him he was killed by the cia i'm assuming he invented fig nittons do we doey doey newton

do we doey she thinks it's really funny to say do we now because she's like she knows no one knows what it means and she can understand i'm asking her what it means and she just says it again and then it's like gotcha gotcha doie doie doie it's so funny that her bit is on not I'm not telling you. Have we ever said the funniest... I'm never telling you. Have we ever said the funniest thing that I've ever been a part of and that you said? What?

The gotcha N-word joke about the tomato. Maybe we should say that for the Patriot, I think. Save it for the Patreon. Okay, definitely, definitely. We'll start the Patreon telling the gotcha N-word story. That's genuinely like one of the funniest moments of the entire. I know now they'll know I say the N-word. Well, who doesn't

Behind closed Actually, a lot of people don't Car doors It was a joke It was the funniest thing I've ever heard It's like literally when I'm dying That'll be one of the few members I think about it all the time

About me saying the N-word Yeah, but it was so not like The story is important It was just ridiculous It was just so ridiculous and hilarious We were in Portland Yeah Portland really makes me say it more

Portland they're at war man Yeah, they're at war Trump sent them in, man They're doing like a Chaz thing there We're like, they're like ruined Like there's like apartment complexes And they just like won't stop Like rioting out front

There's been like a hundred days straight Sounds like them And everybody that comes in With like a microphone, you know Like where they're being filmed They all get talked up as like Oh you must be like a neo-Nazi With like a neo-Nazi

YouTube channel But Portland's going crazy right now And it's crazy I watch so much stuff about Portland And it makes me feel so good about the fact that people really seem to like us it was so bizarre oh the people that came out to the show yeah yeah it's crazy they were cool and then we told them they said he sucked for an hour and a half yeah a little too long probably probably my fault we're having fun

we're just a fun time but uh yeah no anyway i don't know ben once you fucking figured out you know jesus was with i am not doing well i'm gonna get a gelman sound board in here He does that right now. You've never seen Gellman do that? I don't watch him. He's dead to me. I don't know him. Well, his podcast is really taking off.

Yeah? They just hit 40 views yesterday. Look at you. No, I know. No. No. No autoimmune disorder can destroy that spark. Ah, okay.

My podcast with my Mossad Honeypot wife only gets three listeners a week. I am not doing well. My wife dated Cash Patel. I am not doing well. The entire world hates my homeland because of the public child ritual sacrifice that they're doing. I'm not doing well. Doing wow. Maybe that's why your daughter is trying to say doy.

She saw a gelman set. She's trying to say not doy well. She's a big gelman guy. Doey, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy. Doey, doy, doy. Did the Dodgers not make you feel good last night at all? My in-laws are in town. I cook for them, and then I was cleaning the whole kitchen, and there was a whole thing.

Fuck them, man. Doey, doy, doy. Doe, do it. Doie, do it. She's so funny. It's funny, your daughter's, like, already doing, like, a chicken jockey thing. Yeah, chicken jockey. She made her own chicken jockey.

Yeah. She laughs hysterically when I'm like, what's Dewey? She goes, Dewey. And then she laughs because she knows she's being a little stinker. She's trolling you. If she explains the thing exists by its own existence. Yeah. Like, what's that mean?

And then someone just says the thing again. It's, like, the oldest kind of classic. Yeah, yeah. It's the, I'm not telling you. Right. She learned her first bit. I've watched her learn her first bit. It's like the 6-7 meme where people just get mad that they don't know what it means because it doesn't mean anything, you know.

Have you seen, if you tell the Tesla GROC 6-7, it starts coming? Really? You haven't seen that? No, I don't want to. Don't show it to me. Do not fucking show it. People drive themselves talking to GROC and the Tesla. Shut up.

It goes, fuck, yeah. I hit the big button. Shut up. Patreon. Patreon.com. My chain. My chain. Bye.

Bye. Don't you like my chine? My chine. Don't you like my chine, mine. Yon goochie mine and I'm popping off the chai, mine. Am I take a bit so fruity? Call me Gucci mine. No, you call me Gucci, Gucci.

My chine. My chine. Don't you like my chine, mine. Young, Gucci in mine and I'm popping off the chine. And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci I came to the club

Just to flush my chain line Catch another charge And I'm going to the chain gang Oh I think I'm iced Sold a hundred dial In baloney sex and white screen Don't you see how bright it is See these girls in country girls be telling me

How tight it is These girls they be choosing Time is be so sparkingly They think my chain was moving My chain is out the chain Stack to me some money And budget off and bought a chain Check the way my chain hang

Gucci I don't gang bang All I do is chains My chain, my chain Don't you like my chain mine Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain Mine And my check a bit so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain My chain Don't you like my chain mind Y'all' Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine

No you call me Gucci Gucci You be shining man Don't turn me on home Tell me who you're diamond man My girlfriend acting like She say I'm acting different just because I got this chain Haters get your hater on When they see them yellow stones

Stones holler at you later on My chain hang to my shoescrank Like my watching wine But I know you love my chain My chain hang to my dingaline I do my third thing When I'm in the club, man When you hurt so icy

Your daughter Gucci mine I got that stupid mind So I bought a stupid chain My chain, my chain Don't you like my chain mine Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain man And my check up it's a bitch

Fruited, call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci, my chain, don't you like my chine mine Y'all goochie mine, and I'm popping off the chine mine, and my Jacob is so fruited, call me Gucci mine, call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci, my first chain I had to rob for it, Jesus peace, yellow diamond sitting all in it, I'm on some slick brick shit, 2006 Mr. T, diamond's so bright, ain't no way you can't see the G. Look, I don't dance, I just lean with it My piece is sick, Gary Robert Trying to leave with it I got that New York fitted on

Full suit, Dickie on Gucci link chain Blue stones in a nigga charm Now watch me do it Do it with no hands Traps when he craned On that bezel and that band Cause I'm the man

I'm the man Got no wife but my chain Got my girlfriend My chain, my chain Don't you like my chine My chute and mine and I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain Don't you like my chine mine Yung Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine

No you call me Gucci Gucci My ain't know you call me Gucci Gucci