lemonparty - 155: Play Ball!

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

Ben talks piss and peeing inside of things and pooping at the bottom of a lake, and also fish head soup recipes, and Devan is wondering where his wallet went at the Laker game, meanwhile Jace wants all the animal parts pressed into a goo-patty to be fed to him like a fat baby bird. All this week on lemonparty.... bonus episodes ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty⁠⁠ LP Tour ⁠https://www.lemonparty.life/ ⁠ Support the sponsors: ⁠https://mood.com use code lemon ⁠https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/LEMON and use code LEMON and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One chicken, one, chicken, one, chicken, whews. Chicken, one, chicken wings. One, one, chicken wings. Yeah, you like my outfit, don't even make the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light bill. Always in my face, talking listening. Girl, I ended up about some real for the cat-knack. You rag clean, but your gas take.

but your gas tank is on me Be stepping now they got no decent shoes on your feet That's just a meter bro, you don't know what you're talking about In the face, there's no choice when the come out Hate to see you in the club You're bombing with a mug No one that you're bad with your boy, you're nothing but a scrub But he was with me

That's when you treat hate it Because when I got up on you in your bed near faith I showed it and I face drinking on the act Mouthful of clothes But your ass needs to be to be too Oh, nice, yeah. Kobe Bryant, yeah. The big black bodies.

Big giant, black bodies. That's terrified. Yeah. That scared me so much. But excite me at the same time. It's nice to watch. You should be, if the pocket gets really big, you should be like Nicholson at the side of Wakers games. But you just, you know, look at their big black. But I stopped the game midway through, and I go, who has my wallet?

All right, Brani, where's Brani at? Are you guys cold down here? It's a little cold. Yeah, we were freezing. We forgot to turn the AC on when we went back upstairs. Or off, yeah. Or off, I mean, yeah. I meant to say off.

You fucking need it. I guys, I'm sorry. You fucked up, man. Dude, when Jace mixed up off and on. Big Reddit post. Yeah, when Jace mixed up off and on, I thought he should kill himself. Is it a big, big Reddit post that just says, off, you dumb fuck.

you stupid fat fuck it rolls actually dooey what does doy mean we talked about that on the show right that your daughter's rage baiting you she keeps saying like that

yeah and you go what's Dewey and she goes Dewey Dewey is like Rick rolling you. You look like you're trying to snap your own neck right now. Is that more comfortable for you?

Yeah, because my lower back hurts like a, oh man, like a mother fricker right now. What are we going to do about this? Do about what? You're melting. Don't hate on me just because it's the way I was made. Don't be racist against my body and my biological makeup. I'm not hating it. I'm trying to figure it out.

What's wrong with being in chronic pain? Well, what sucks? And you're in a, you're in a, I, I hate seeing you like this. Yeah. And we're worried. You love it. We're worried you're going to end up.

You actually love seeing me. You're in a worse mood when you show up and it makes me sad for you. That's not true. It makes us all really depressed. You can tell, right? The minute you walk in, you hold two coax and you act like it's time to hit the coal, the coal mine. Yeah. But then you're great on the show, but I'm like, oh, poor Ben Ben, Ben, Ben used to walk in, like, it was leave at the beaver.

Like, guys, I found another fat. Yeah. You did, you used to burst through the. door with like a Kramer exuberance for life. And me and Devin were talking about like, you know, some sports bullshit. And you go, you're like, hey, guys. So I have a problem when I haven't talked to human beings for a long time. I try to, then I don't know how to talk to him.

But it takes me like a couple minutes to, like figure it out. You, it's, it's almost thing about being like, like, like, sometimes I do comedy. I go, this is like my first time talking to people today. Yeah. I think it's probably my first time, like, like, like, talk. I do. Shut up. That's the thing.

It's not there. You're in your hotel room, you're on the road. You go to the club. I think the first words I spoke to were the club manager. They call them a queve. You're a queve comedy. That's the thing is like, if you think about it, it's like we get all of our talking done at once. Dude, that was crazy.

And that's what I call talking is I speak and no one else says a word because I'm an insane narcissist. That was crazy when they chop that woman's head off to Riyadh. Did they talk about going to Riyadh on their podcast? No, I don't think so. I don't know. Sometimes I'll get fun and I'll watch We Might Be Drunk on my phone at the fuzz shop. Because you're too embarrassed to watch it at your house on your TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'll have my AirPods in and I'll be slurping up some fah. Do you set the phone in front of you? I set the phone like up like against my drink or like against where like the hoizen is. And I'll be slurping and they'll just, you know, they'll just be fucking be. wild it out because they're always really drunk on that show they're crazy do you ever feel anxiety over having headphones in in a restaurant where you don't know how loud you're slurping or chewing no because at uh asian restaurants you are matching their level of fuck your humanity they have they it they like it's it they like when you go like into bug mode they're like we

it's a sign of respect we treat you like a bug you treat us like a bug and it's almost like it's like a It's like a Native American and, like, a pioneer, like, exchanging goods. It's a peace pipe, is not giving a shit about another person, yeah. My apology's not a pioneer. But, yeah. Yeah, that's a... I've noticed it. I don't do it at, like, regular places.

Showing respect is rude in that culture. The fun places I go to, they don't even respond when you, they go, what do you want, or whatever? And that must maybe a Chinese man, but, like, they say, what do you want? You just say the number, and they just walk away real quick, so it's, like, fine. And that's because we went to war with them. think for no reason yeah but there's there's levels of there's really good some Vietnamese guys are real cool yeah but I like 47 I like know the owner I think he's awesome yeah but everyone else there is kind of bug mentality yeah can I ask you I prefer the

bug I prefer the dirty Asian bug how to think like a bug think like a bug act like an Asian yeah yes the Steve Harvey book so crazy but it's I don't know oh that's the thumbnail yeah make us all bugs he wants us to text us as soon as possible no I think I've said it before that I've been in Aldi and an Asian guy runs over my ankles because he's a big aunt carrying a leaf. He's not a person anymore. Yeah. And it's not, this is not racist. No.

I know it's a, it's a disrespectful analogy, I guess. It's not color. It's character. But I'm just saying when I walk into a lot of these places, they do treat you, they treat you like a bug. And then you go, well, you're a bug now. I'm going to put my headphones on. I'm not even going to hear you. I'm not going to look you in the eyes when I order.

Yeah. Because you don't deserve my eye contact. And you also know the food's going to be good when they don't treat you with any humanity. And I put, I guess, you prefer that to the Asian song and dance. Hate the Asian song and dance. You know the food's going to suck. They give a shit about you and the, you know, the customer service. When you're like, I used to go into Wasgold and him back in the day, she'd go, oh my God, never see you no more and no time.

Yeah, yeah. That place closed down. Because she was Uncle Tom in it up. Yeah. They had to, the FDA, shut it down. She was an Uncle Chen. But that's true. She has to give you her personality because the food kind of stinks.

It kind of stinks, but she knows there's a lot of, you know, white guys and Tommy Bahamas shirts are like, I love the roach down at Waz Golden Inn. She really yellows it up for me. Yep, exactly. Oh, yep. Soy face. Wow.

Forgot. Yeah, but I think it's disrespectful when you do the song and dance for me. No, yeah. And also, if you go to, like, there's certain Chinese restaurants, you know. You're talking Chinese? Well, I mean, Chinese traditionally, for sure. I don't like going in Vietnamese places.

I don't like, it feels too hostile. I can't do it. I need a, I like it. I need Chinese. I like bridging the gap. I like going in, being like, I watched fucking, like, platoon a week ago. This is nuts.

What's that star spice they have? They put stars in the bulls. There's a spice at the bottom of fun and it's a star. Yeah, it's like a hard thing. It's like a little wooden star. I forget the name of it. It pisses me off. It's not food.

They think it's... It might be cardamom. I think it's cardamom. Also, like, Vietnamese, when you get a vermicelli bowl where it's not fuh, when you get like the dry bowl, you know, like, it's like a salad with noodles. If you get the beef, the beef's really, like, it's always hairy. Yeah. I don't know what that is.

It's like, it's, I think it's just punched. I think they punch it because they're so angry that you're in there. Yeah, they knock the animal out. There's, like, hair sticking out of your beef. I think they kickbox the animal to death and then they just rip meat from it and throw it in a vermicelli bowl. Yeah, it's that, it's the animal. the same water buffalo from Apocalypse

now that they're serving you. Yeah, they have a big fat white guy that chops its head off. And then they rip a backstrap off and throw it at you. They're serving Marlon Brando. Do Chinese people pissing bottles? Did they invent that? Because I'm, I really, I get such a hot. Wow.

Signs down. Wow, sad. There you go. Yeah, it finally came down. It came down. You got to, we just got to... Yeah, I can't let that flag touch the ground or we have to burn it.

Yep. We'll have to call that our handyman that deals with that. We'll have to call our interior decorator to fix that. Yeah, our woke contractor. We booked a special woke contractor. What if it was a dying Keats' body behind there?

We've all been having a go on her. But she was hot. She was smoking hot. Whoa. But it's such a... But if you had to. She died today? Yeah.

She died today? I don't think it was disrespectful. I just, she had no tits. I wouldn't fuck. Yesterday. She had tits? I thought she had tits. No, she got no tits.

Her pussy was probably pink. Yeah. I'm going to dig her out. Yeah. Well, it's not pink now. Now it's gray. Well, no, they embalm, which preserves the color of the pussy. Mm-mm.

You can make that request. The embalmers, they cut the pussy out and they take it. The embalmers. That's a gift for them. This is sick. But do you guys ever piss in bottles? Maybe. When I'm driving sometimes, if I'm going a long distance.

You do? Evan, you piss in a bottle? I have it. Back in the day, yeah. Where else do you piss? Huh? Where else do you piss? Will you piss outside?

Yeah, outside. You piss in your garden? Yeah. We piss in your shower. Yeah. Okay, so now you're telling me all. You just piss everywhere. Why won't you piss in a pussy?

Who says I haven't? Piss in a pussy. Why won't you piss in a pussy? If you'll piss in a pot, you'll piss in a bottle. So you have to be soft to piss. So how are you getting your soft dick inside of a pussy to piss? We've already established that both of you are willing to piss almost anywhere yeah I pissed on your dogs a couple times I never told you about that yeah when you

guys were gonna the way a dog will play with a garden hose when you're spraying it and they try to bite it they try to bite the I'm like you're so fucking stupid I'm spraying you with coffee piss right now you idiot no when you were when you guys were giving birth to your daughter and I watched the dogs I pissed all over them for a while yeah and you were like you know get my daughters, you know, the blank you she wore and give it to the dog so they can smell it. I gave it to them and they smelled it, but they were also covered in my piss.

Yeah. And then right before you guys got home, I pushed them in the pool that I'd also been pissing it. If we come home, our pool is yellow. Yeah, it's yellow. It's got a kidney stone floating in it. Kidney stone and a little bit of blood. I'm like, I had a lot of Dr. Pibb. Sorry.

You wouldn't piss in an ass, though. Whatever you want So I will say something Pissing in a bottle Feels so when I'm working at my desk I like feeling the warmth And I'll put a bottle under there And I'll pull my huge penis out

It's nice to remember you're alive And you feel the warmth of the bottle Yes You go wow I'm a temperature Yeah I make stuff I'm a temperature I'm a temperature

I just made soup Yeah Look at me go Yeah so you pull your tiny piece You piss in a capri straw But it's crazy it doesn't come out cold why would it come out cold your body's hot your body's 100 degrees

but why would our body not figure out a way at this point through evolution and make it come out cold so we can drink it and it's nice and refreshing because I don't think we're supposed to be drinking it is that why Chinese people only drink hot drinks because they like piss so much so they're like well we can't drink only our piss so like let's make a hot tea

that kind of tastes like piss this is what the history channel should be yeah those little pots that the Chinese invented those were made the piss inside of Yeah. And the drink. Yeah, I just don't know what the... I'll say that I feel so...

I feel so alive when I piss in a bottle and it's heavy and it's hot. You don't know what to do with it. Just leave it in a neighborhood. You leave it in like a suburb just on the sidewalk. Like a grenade. I done that before. When I was doing sales that I drove all the time, I was pissing in a lot of bottles. I almost got caught one time.

I was driving somewhere in Texas, and I had the piss so bad. So I pulled over and I was pissing into a Gatorade bottle. And a cop pulled up as piss is coming out of my penis. And I rolled the window. And he's like, you got a problem? And I was like, I'm doing the GPS on my, like, literally this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, I'm doing the GPS on my phone.

I didn't want to do it while drive. He's like, all right, that's good. That's real good. He's like, you have a good day. And I'm like, you too, sir. And then I pissed for like another 30 seconds. I literally, like, had to grab another bottle. Yeah.

So what were you talking about piss? Chinese restaurants. Yeah, pissing in bottles, getting caught by cops, pissing in bottles. Yeah, so I... Do you ever when you're pissing in a bottle, piss on yourself by accident? I've done that a couple times.

Yeah, it's a little hard. Yeah. But you wouldn't... Have you ever shit in anything? So I shit in a... No. I was swimming in a lake once and I took a shit.

Yeah, I shit in your dog's mouth one time. Sorry. You shit in a lake. I wouldn't feel comfortable shit in a lake. Sorry. That's the most... That's really inappropriate. We're doing a podcast.

Sorry. That's too inappropriate to say. I'm really sorry. You guys are really sorry. You guys are just... Anyway, you shit in a lake and it looked like a black guy, right? Back to our normal stuff. That's what you did?

Yeah, it actually floated. Okay. No, I took a shit, and the craziest thing about taking the shit is it goes back under your balls. What's really funny is it feels really gay because it passes your balls and it hits your penis. So it feels like a... What the other one is? Yeah, it feels like a dick is your sword fighting underwater. I'm like, oh, I'm not gay.

And then it floats up and it almost hits you in the head. It comes up quickly. Like it gets the bends. Like when you put, and then it gets air a little bit. When you push a beach ball underwater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It hits you in the chest.

That's my shit, at least. I don't know why my shit came up under my balls and hit my penis. You're shitting a boomerang that like curves as it comes out of you. Well, I don't know what it is, but my asshole must be gay and it's trying to like give my penis a something. Your dick and balls are trying to baptize a tur. I think they're in cahoots down there They got minds of their own I just wanted it to come

I didn't want to see this shit Why'd you do that by the way Take a shit in a lake There's something about that I feel like your asshole opens up to the point where like microbes go right in it And just destroy you from within Like a perch goes all the way up there Like it feels so like you could easily get sick

Mr. Avery we did x-rays a perch Is fucking your kidneys right now And why did you Was it a crowded lake where there people there Were you there by yourself? There's just, I was just, you know, I need the money. There's a guy with a boat, I need $50. Yeah, what if he's, he was at, like, muscle shoals during, like, spring break.

It's like party, but it's like, woo! You're making out with a gorgeous woman. The turd pops out of the water. Yeah, you're making out with a gorgeous woman, and she's like, oh, somebody's happy. And the turn flows up between her teeth. and get stuck. My turn titty fucks your tits? And it comes.

Yeah. And they go, woo! You fuck that turn with your titty. Woo! Somebody played kid rock, Sweet Home Alabama rip-off song. Bump-home. Played in sweet home Alabama.

Hush them along. So the... I've always wanted to shit off of a boat into a motor that's going. And have it fly. have you ever wanted to do that not until now yeah I wanted to shit in like one of those big metal fans that can hurt your fingers

I wanted to do that before oh the Darth Vader ones like yeah where you can talk in the back of it sounds like yeah like when the shit literally hits the fan exactly exactly yeah but um yeah I just took a shit because I didn't want to go back up to the house to take a shit and then you realize that you're just swimming in shit and piss like fish they just piss and shit all day long it's all they do Yeah. And that's why the lake is that color. Like, if we got rid of the fish, it wouldn't be brown.

Because it's poop and pee. Yeah, it'd be, like, beautiful. You know what's crazy? Is the fish probably ate your shit after you swam away? Probably right. Like a big bass came up. I think we need to figure out a way to just make it pee. Because imagine a yellow lake.

Imagine that's the worst attraction. You could train the fish to only pee instead of poop. By the way, there's going to be 100 comments. I've been so retarded he thinks lakes are brown because of fish poop. You guys are fucking morons. But this is... But we're... running with this premise. So you train

the fish to poop onto the shore. It's funny to get back to it like you're at Cambridge. Like, you guys are fucking idiots. Anyway, when I take a shit and it goes up my balls. How many, how many hours do I have left in the lecture? Okay, so where was I? Someone says piss. You go, oh, yes, thank you. Thank you. Piss and Pee-P. Thank you.

So if we could train the fish to piss shit, then we wouldn't have shit, we'd have piss. Well, imagine if a fish stuck its ass out of the water and then shit onto the shore. Like it was out of a moving car. What is going on? And then they only peed.

It would be a nice yellow lake. Yeah. Like lemonade. Right. And it'd be kind of awesome. And it would be, it might be too acidic, though, and I think that's why they have to poop to balance out the pH. Yeah. Because if it was just pee, it would burn.

But the poop makes it nice. Have you ever seen the video of the guy running off a dock at a lake? And he's naked. And he jumps and goes into cannonball posts. and right when he hits cannonball pose, a shit, Rockets out of his ass. I have seen that. I stuck my ass out of a moving car once.

No, I mooned everybody on the way down from Big Bear. They were all stopped. It was a car, four or five miles, like, around Christmas, them trying to get up. And down, no one's going down. So I went down and I stuck my ass outside the window. What was this? Who were you with?

My friend Paul. Okay. Who's that? From Abilene. Abilene. He lives in Fort Worth. When were you in Big Bear? It's a beautiful baby.

Huh? When were you in Big Bear? So I used to come out to California. I would stay in Escondido, and my friend in Eskidio had a, his parents had a place in Big Bear, so we would go up there and smoke weed that his brother grew, and it was in a jar. And it was the best weed I ever, I didn't have any paranoia or anything with that weed. But it was kind of fluffy, and it was in a jar, and he grew it. Wasn't, like, super strong, but it was, okay.

You're such a strange, man. What's strange? What's strange? Because of weed? Just all the weird little periods of your life. life. I know I'm back. I used to go out here and stay in Escondido and take shits in the I used to get ass fucked through a car window and bit there. I was picturing you mooning. I almost shit though because I was crying laughing so much. I felt like I was going to shit out the car. Because I'm like, they're all looking at my ass, dude. They're all looking at my

fucking ass. I was almost imagining you're mooning and then Paul stops and then a guy comes up and fucks your ass that's stuck in the window. That would be great. So he turns the child locks on. Rolls the window up where my ass gets stuck in it. He gets out and then starts fucking me in the ass. Your ass gets pinched, yeah. But he starts ghost riding the whip while fucking you in the ass. Dude, this is a great, like, serial killer scene. Yeah.

Like a Jeffrey Dahmer, he gets his, he goes, come on, moon the guy. Moon the guy. Like, come on, moon him. Jeffrey Dahmer, child log, rolls the window up, squeezes his ass gets out and starts ass fucking him on the side of the road. Can I say something real quick? I'm really glad no black people listen to this show. Yeah.

Yeah, I would be very embarrassed if that happened. They all get offended when you say that, by the way. They reach out to me. The black people? They're like, we do exist. Remember when we thought women don't listen to this show? They're more fucked up than the guys. Sure.

I mean, I'm mostly just saying it for, yeah. I know there's black listeners. I block them all. No, but there's not. I'm just pretending. There's black listeners, like, listening right now. Like, just can you call, just say something horrifically racist about us? Can we move on?

Move on from what? This is the show, white boy. White boy? dirty ass white boy these white boys always sticking their ass out of windows you're literally doing the chapel you're literally doing the chapel joke from killing himself like dude last night we like stuck a carrot and eric's ass and like took put our balls on his mouth I could never show my ass to anybody like that I've never yeah I don't think I really mooned I could never get into that I feel like that would be so mean I don't like showing my ass to people but my asshole is so offensive it feels

great yeah here's my asshole no one wants to see it's literally something a monkey does in the wild like to assert dominance it's crazy here's my asshole and the back of my balls yeah yeah i've heard bobby lee's done that at the comedy store a couple times like bent over and just spread his asshole and i'm like he should be shot in that moment yeah somebody should shoot him that's insane to do that yeah but what if what a fish pissed poop and poop to pee and well that was the first joke

I ever thought. What? In Clarendon, Texas, when we lived up in the Panhandle in the early 90s, I had the thought, what if you, what if you rearranged the tubes? I remember us having this conversation. I actually do remember. Such a hillbilly. I was like three.

First joke I ever shot you. I'm in your pan. Hey, you don't even leave a big pooped pee. Me and Jake were sitting around and we were making. And then like 20 minutes would do like a self-righteous rant about like, What is wrong with art? Why has art left this country? You look at the beginning of the podcast.

When I give me your pain, you head, you eat my granddad. Your first joke I'm wrong with you about a cat, fish, take the big shit. Me and gosh, we're playing. We were kind of interredging to action figures and paying with them. I said, what if you poop to pee? No, I actually do remember this. You said, what if your tubes got mixed up? And then poop came out of your penis, and it scared me.

The pissing out of my ass thing seemed nice, though. Because I like the idea of having a bigger hole to piss at him. You told me this and we were both really into comedy at the time. So Ben walked up and he's like, what if... We were? I was like four. Oh, okay. How old was I?

No, I was the first joke you ever thought of. I thought it meant like you were thinking about... I thought this was like 11 and 13. Well, I didn't even know it was a joke. To me it was like I was writing a Kronenberg horror film. Oh, I thought... I was like, dude, what did your tubes got accidentally switched up, like in a surgery or just accidentally or they grew that way and you started piss pooping out of your weaner?

Yeah. You're early... poop and wee. Yeah, I do feel very lucky to see your early stand-up when you were like just like a freshman in college, because it felt like watching like Thelonious Monk a little bit. Yeah. Like he would go up and I'm like, I'm the only

person. Because I'm saying the inward. I'm no, yeah. I'm like, I'm the only person who knows how genius this is because he's going up at a Christian coffee shop and he's like, he's looking at a piece of paper. He's like, my ex-girlfriend, I want to fucking shoot her in the head. Silence, silence, crickets walking out of the door.

You're in, like, Denton or something? Abilene. I'm sure I was acting like they were the assholes. You were, yeah. They were all very conservative Christian at their conservative Christian coffee shop, and I'm going up being a nightmare. Yeah, you're like, so I want, like, a black guy to fuck me. This is like 2010.

2010, and the coffee shop is full of, like white Christians with dreadlocks who are tutoring black children at tables in front of everyone. From actual Africa. From actual Africa, yeah. From actual. And they go, his stuff is actually pretty good.

It reminds me of dice. But no, there was a white lady with dreadlocks who was always tutoring different black children. She kind of looked like one of the twins and the second Matrix film. Yeah, very, very white. The albino twins. Big dreadlocks.

And Ben went up and he was doing, he was like, she had good tities too. She had nice titties. I jerked off to her many times. You pissed her mouth. I took, I go, the stuff I. I got so much about both of you today. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, the stuff that I did to her in my brain that she doesn't know about was crazy.

No, she was very hot, but Ben went up and he was like, he's like, my ex-girlfriend, I want to blow her fucking brains out. And it was silence. And you go, no, I don't know. I don't, you're not getting it. I want to take a gun. and put a bullet in it and I want to tire up and I want to shoot her in the head

and watch your brains hit the wall behind there. I'm sure I had just seen a Doug Stanhope album. Yeah. I was listening to a ton of Bill Hicks I think at the time. I was like 18. Yeah.

Just man. And this, this, that's tough. This, uh, that's tough. This, uh, modest Yahoo bitch. Uh, he said that and then she stood up. She was like, I can't watch this any longer. And then walked out the, front door, watched through the glass, and the minute he got off, she walked back in.

So they were in a band. They would play Christian music. I would follow them singing like Jesus loves me. Yeah. He looked like Jack from Jack and Daxer, you know the game on the PlayStation. Of course. So he had like huge dreads and he was super jacked and all about his macros and stuff. They were like a, they sucked ass, but they also wore the. They were cool as shit. They were really hot. Missionaries, dreads, white as shit. He was actually playing tutoring African kids. He was playing 4D chess he was doing the only thing you can do to get pussy in a Christian liberal college in Texas you have to get pussy from a girl like that that's what I'm saying you have to get stanky pussy from a dreadlock girl you have to with like crusty fuck that or dude you'll die

or you'll kill yourself you'll kill yourself you'll literally die actually we didn't know anyone that killed themselves in college oh no no the guy across the street from me killed himself I forgot about that that was sad oh that you lived then with Paul and those guys yeah yeah he was down the he was down the way he was a nice kid but other than that I don't we went to college with him and he killed him? You didn't know him. You didn't know him. I do remember there was one guy at our college who got electrocuted rushing. They were making him crawl through a big puddle in a thunderstorm and he got struck by lightning and was in the hospital for like two months.

Struck by lightning? It is funny when it happens because it's like, well, that's God. Yeah, that's not even the frat. That's not the pledge. They shut down rushing for like two years. That's just God like really quickly. Like, what a retard moving on. Oh, this is so gay. That's God going, cut it out. Stop doing that shit And I He ended up okay

And I had a class with him like a year later And I was like Dude this guy fucking sucks ass Like this guy's a cock sucker Don't you kind of get like Doesn't sometimes you get like Like the cool end of that Don't you get like a special skill

If you get struck by lighting sometimes Don't these guys wake up And they like They're like amazing a piano Yeah I don't I think he got better at sucking ass Honestly that was his special skill He kind of looked like one of the animals

From Rango Oh like the you know, those horny Toad, that's a sheriff type of look. He had like a crusty look to him. That might have been the lightning, I don't know. I know girls that were in charge of the girls' dorms? Uh-huh. Like, you know how the older people would...

The R-A's? The graduate... Yeah, yeah, they would be in charge of the dorms, people in, like, graduate programs. And one of these girls told me that they have suicide attempts all semester long. Yeah. But it's all fake suicide attempts. I was like, what do you mean it's fake suicide attempts? They're like, the girls are doing it for attention.

And I'm like, come on, they're trying to commit suicide. And they go, no, they always drink a non-toxic bleach. Really? Where they're like, I drink a bunch of bleach. I don't want to die. I was depressed. I swallowed, like, five fiber gammies. Yeah.

So they usually hide the bottle or, like, put the bottle on the floor, like, face of the other way. And when you show up, it's, they get, like, their stomach pumped or whatever, but it's always non-toxic bleach. Right. So nothing happens. Fucking whores. Fucking stupid whores. They always. Fuck them.

There's like them and their cry for help. They were probably molested when they were kids. Fuck them and their non-lethal cry for help. I mean, you guys don't, wait, you guys feel bad for them? They're desperate cry for help. No, but I mean, to me that's evil. Even non-lethal or a non-toxic bleach, I'd still feel like it's got to be pretty bad for me. I don't think so.

I don't know they're not going to die. They're fucking with you. It means nothing for them in their pain. Well, they're manipulative little plots. They're lying bitches. These are hos These are hos These are snow bunnies

Yeah We need to get Ben into Dr. Umar By the way That would be a good bit Then I've been seeing him Indian guy No No black guy

Uh No I'm kidding Um Fuck what was I gonna say So they would take the non-toxic bleach Still gotta be pretty bad for your insides Oh Smells like bleach

Right Mm-hmm Fucks your shit up But it's like how diet soda It has no sugar in it You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it's, so.

No, I get it. No, they're, attention-seeking. Here's what I was going to say. That's a fucked up thing to do to somebody. Because now, anytime you walk in a room, you go, hey, I'm just going to go in the other room and be by myself, you're going to, and you're not going to know if I'm going to try to kill myself again. And you're going to think that every day, every second I'm alone, you're always going to be thinking about me. Because remember when I tried to kill myself,

Now you can never not think about me all the time for ever. Yeah, the girl cried suicide. Yeah. Hey, guys, I'm going to go do laundry real quick, just FYI. Yeah. I'll be in there for a while alone. It's the most egocentric thing you could possibly do of being like, I'm going to be the son of your solar system for the rest of my life.

Yeah. You don't know if I'm going to try to kill myself in my own point. Yeah, you don't control me. You don't control me in my empathy. You use my empathy against me. fucking whore Wow, they take your love They fashion into a dagger

And they stab you with it Yeah There's been a lot of movies made About that App there? Oh yeah yeah Romeo and Juliet They both kill themselves

Yeah and that's only a movie That's what I meant Yeah no Fuck that Using suicide to your advantage Is horrible Unless you're in a really bad argument With like somebody you love

It's like a great play. Or somebody embarrassed you and you have to really make them feel different about themselves. Yeah, no, you could. It's a good, it is like a superpower. It actually is like a perfect solution to everything. You use people's love for you

against them. No, no. It's great. It's like the equalizer, grabbing the gun and putting it back on the guy. You fucked me over, fuck you. I can't. I'll do it.

I'll kill it. You love me. I'll kill myself. I don't love myself. There'll be a hole in your soul for the rest of your life. Now, you have to do it. do this, empty your bank account, or I'll kill myself.

Give back your money. I'll kill myself. Is there any situation where you'd kill yourself? Yeah, two years ago, and we didn't start this podcast. No, I would never actually do it. It's too scary. No, but yeah. To kill yourself. Okay. So scary. But imagine you were in a relationship

with a woman you loved for like 25 years and she cheated. Like, she fucked her secretary. No, I would kill her. I wouldn't kill her. I wouldn't kill myself. Yeah, I think it turns. I think you turn the anger on them. Yeah. What if you became a guy who couldn't get pussy? No. What if you became a guy who couldn't get pussy or jack off? Like, you were in a housewife. You could kill yourself to get pussy. You could kill yourself in longer ways. Yeah. You could at least have some fun before. Okay. I could get addicted to crack and then I could get pussy through crack. Right. So then my life is good again. What if you were runned over? Rund over? Yeah, I'm speaking retardedly. What if you were run over? What if you were run

over by by an Indian truck driver so your run over by an Indian truck driver is going like 140 miles per hour down the freeway yeah and he only runs over your dick and your balls and it's gone okay it's it's it's gone

and and right when he's about to run over you go oh fuck don't run over my dick and balls and you cover it with your hands and it takes your hands off too so you don't have hands and it just don't think about it too long so you the way he hits you very in like an Indian in way okay so he hits your dick and balls takes your hands off now you can never jack off okay because

you don't have a dick anyway you have no hands so you can't open jars of pickles you took my hands because you know i figure out a way to rub my nub like a quit and jack off well now you can't eat or cook because eating and cooking sucks as so then you have to become a guy who lays on his back and uses his feet to stir pots of ramen and you can't jack off and you pee you pee out of a hole where your balls used to be i'd still build myself up like i would i would sit the hospital and I would get PT and I would like I would figure out how to like load a gun with my mouth and I'd hunt that fucking that Indian guy down and I'd kill him on the eye five one day did you fart out of your ass by the way no it's supposed like fart

it doesn't not like shit this turned off though there is a bunch of bottles full of mold oh that's probably that I thought you I thought you got in a position like a shrimp and farted directly at me put his feet up on like it's a balcony like it's a balcony Like he's in Brooklyn, like in a window. I thought he loaded, I thought he aimed his ass at me like a sniper rifle and farted at me. Like I'm a mystery man character. Yeah. You're a Pee-Herman and mystery men.

We got a lot of mystery men now trying to use the women's restroom. Hey. Comedy. That's the thing. That's the thing, you know. The Saudis were very nice. They're very nice to me. So, yeah.

I wouldn't kill myself ever, though. But I would... I think I would kill someone else, though. I think I'm more likely to kill someone else than kill myself. Is that good or bad? It's all tough, man. Do you think you're more likely to murder someone or murder yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think there's way more reasons to be angry at someone else. Yeah, yeah. It's much better to murder somebody because then you're alive and they're not, and that's much better. But it's bad. It just sucks. What sucks? Just seeing somebody die. Even a bad guy.

You're like, oh, my God, I ended all of his bad stuff. Yeah. That's the thing is I could... But he loved that bad stuff. And I ended that for him. I could murder somebody, but it'd have to be in a really pussy way. Like, I'd have to lock him in a big metal box in the woods and just walk away. Yeah.

I'm going to watch him die. I think the fucked up thing is you'd be surprised with what you could live with. I think you could torture, like, millions of people to death and be like, oh, it's Thursday. You're right, actually. Have you seen that documentary, the art of killing? Those guys are like, I love Tudu de sandwiches. I'm like, why are you not talking about the... Oh, that, like, the cult or whatever?

The act of killing. The act of... The one where they reenact their genocide that they did. It's like the greatest doc I've ever seen. Yeah, it's great. But it is different because they're Asian. And I kind of do believe that a little bit. What was definitely calling saying it?

Bug, the bug something? Oh, I don't know. Well, they... Bug mode. Bug mode. They go bug mode. They do a genocide. When you get, you never know.

Yeah. By the way, I've watched that documentary. They don't treat their customers like humans. Yeah. And they need human... money to keep running their place, but they don't even look at you like you're a human being. Exactly. And by the way, I've watched that documentary, The Act of Killing maybe five times.

I love it. For a million dollars, I cannot tell you what country that happened in. I don't remember all. I'm going to say Indonesia. Something like that. Yeah. Some Rhodesia-e type of place. I don't know.

They just, they're different than us, you know? You ever go to an extremely Asian restaurant, and it's like you get your thing that you know is good, but there's, like, a really, like a guy that is extremely Asian guy walks in and gets his extremely Asian meal right next to you and you look over and you go oh my god like the guy gets like the black mold soup

yeah he gets like that bug soup from a galaxy quest like he's got like creepy crawlers and tentacles he's like ripping open like a like a centipede and like slurping its insides down next to you. They bring him up they bring him a bowl that's a portal to the dimension

from the mist where creatures that don't exist live inside of. He orders the thing. He's like, can I get a dog that's nine other dogs and Wilford Brimley and two black guys on roller skates? There's something like...

Oh, the number seven, yes, sir. Yeah, like there's something about that where I go, maybe this guy values life a little less. It is kind of true. I don't know. Yeah, when a guy's eating a fish, just a fish head that's looking right at him, he's just like sucking the eyes out of the head.

Yeah, he's like giving the eyes of a fish like a blow job next to you. He goes, my mom used to make this when I was little baby. I cooked the fish head today. You did? I mean this week. Oh, you're doing all that shit, man.

You're living like a... Well, I'm trying to get collagen and gelatin. Ben is living like a bear. So I put a brand zino fish. I cooked that bitch into a stew. I gutted him. Cleaned them out. Put him in a pot.

Boiled them. You're making cartoon fish soup. With the skeleton. It's like I'm on the rapier. I have a fish skeleton and apple core, and I eat it off of big trash can lid. You're eating like one of the 101 Dalmatians. I'm on the Alley Cat diet. I eat like a cartoon Alley Cat on a date with a lady.

So you bought you... I wanted to eat the eye, but it kind of felt like the tip of a penis, so I threw it out. It felt gay. Yeah. It felt like a ball or something. Yeah. So I did not eat the fish high. yeah no it sucks we had when we were in it was milky on the inside i thought it might be like come yeah

the fish eyes are full of cum historically we ate that fish in in texas remember we went to that asian restaurant where they were playing like you know bon jovi classical music yeah yeah they had like that awful like Kenny g band yeah playing next to us and then we we somebody we were with ordered the fish with the head on it yeah and you were supposed to like grab at the fish with like rice paper Rice paper and take chunks out of its body. It was the rice paper they bring you in a little half circle and you dip it in water. You have to dip it in water. It's hard.

Yeah, to get it to be able to grab. Yeah. And I was like, this is. And make tacos with it. I go, this is really terrible. Thank God it only cost $600. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that.

Yeah, that was very bad. Yeah, I don't, it's like, if I can cut the fish for me. But, okay, so can I say something now? Can you put this on a bun with mayonnaise, please? So I looked it up. Fry it, please. Thank you. Thank you, man.

Can you cut this into a big square that doesn't exist in nature? Turn this fish into a square, fry it, put some pickles and mayonnaise on it, please. Thank you. Put it on a potato bun. Thank you, Mr. Asian bug man. Dooey, doy.

Thank you, Mr. Asian bug man. Thank you, goodbye. I'm going bug mode. Bug mode. Shit, he's going bug mode on the subway. Hell's janitor. Hells. It's an Asian guy on the subway going bug mode.

He's elbowing children into the tracks. Dude, the guy at Virginia Tech, Virginia Tech 07, full bug mode. That guy inspired John Wick. If he had gone. That guy was running on the walls of the lockers with two Uzzies. If he had gone backflip, he would have been fine if he bugged out. That guy would have been like, I inspired John Wick, and then he watches John Wick, and he goes, why does he care out by his dog? Why is he not eating it?

Why do you not eat his dog? Oh, they kill your lunch, big fucking deal. You go get new lunch. Go get new lunch, idiot. It's free at the pound. Fucking John Rick. Dumbass John Rick. But I boiled the fish head.

I ate a fish's head. It was awesome. So you get all the... So I took all of its scales off. I cut them open. It kind of feels cool because I put a knife in through. its asshole. It feels very like, and then I pulled it up to its mouth. You cut the belly and then you

ripped all the organs out? Yeah. Did you get a bunch of newspaper to throw it on top of? Because it's got to be a newspaper. Oh, I don't know that. Yeah. Every movie I've seen it totally newspaper. It just feels cool to do that. I did de-scale him and then I put him in a pot. I made fish stock by boiling him. And then once he was done being boiled, I just took his bitch ass out. And he

was all fucked up. And you threw him at your dogs. So you could rip him apart. No, then I just opened him up and I just took all the meat out. And then I just put that in the pot with the fish stock with a bunch of veggies that were boiling in there and it was hell of good.

Me and my wife and my daughter have been eating it for like two damn days now. This one fucking this one stupid ass fit. How that was the fish?

It's just a brand zino, bro. Like, well, like a two-pounder? We're talking like long as my dick, bro. Like that big. Nice.

Cheez. I love that Ben has like... I'm giving them foot stuff too. Usually you gotta pay for my O-F. Y-N. A lot of Y-Ans out here paying for my O-F.

My only feet. I do like that you do like that you do like the opposite oh yeah no you do opposite of what you do the opposite of like you read about indigenous cultures when they killed the deer they would like they would like put grass in its mouth to like give it food for the afterlife and like honor it for the killing you disrespect the food I fart on it and go fucking idiot you flip it up stick a knife up a test you finger in you go fuck you take a shit on its heart they usually eat it like while it's hot do-y-do-ee. Have fun in hell bitch. I'm going to feed your eyes to my dogs that I

hate, idiot. Yeah, so speaking of that, mood, everybody. Mood CBD gommies. How long have we been doing? 48, man. I'm fucking 80.

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I ordered those, and I took like a third of one, and I just, like, knocked the fuck out. out. And I brought over a bunch for you today because your body's been hurting you. So Ben's going to be taking his CBD gummies for his entire body that hurts all the time. And hopefully that'll help him. Mood has paired THC and other cannabinoids with herbs. That's right.

You know that guy on Instagram? What? James Bola. No. Mood. Okay, today, guys, I'm just going to have a little snack. And he pours a whole thing of Oreos in a bowl with milk. And he eats him.

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You and I make decisions every day, but on prize picks, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this football season on price picks where it's good to be. right. Price picks is the best way to win cash this football season, and getting started is easy. You pick more or less on at least two player stats. If you're right, you could win some serious dough. Price picks is the only app offering stacks, so you collect the same player up to three times in the same lineup. If you have a favorite, now's the time to show it. You guys know it's the baseball playoffs. Me, Devin, and Ben, have been watching the Dodgers every single night. Devin went to a game. Yeah, but I jenksed it.

Watch Klan Kershaw shit the fucking bed. Yeah, fuck him. Fuck him. Julia farewell. Yeah, idiot. Fuck Dave Roberts. Fuck Dave Roberts. But we still on.

So it's good. And we still love Task. And we still, thank God for Tass. Tonight, Tass on HBO. If it was up to me, Dave Roberts would be working at Dave's hot chicken. Hmm. Not sure. That's kind of fucked up.

Because it's black. Yeah. I think it's Sicilian. Everyone assumes that with you. You think he's Mike Tariko. slave rober yeah get back to the ad but i'm sure they love that in the middle speaking of dave roberts who we don't want to disrespect by um calling out his racial ambiguity um you can if you're watching the playoffs you can make bet you can make picks like j p crawford is he going to get

um more than point five hits runs and rb i's um for toronto or versus toronto uh there was like a snell one that i saw is snell going to do 17 pitchers out in the game on Monday against the Brewers. You can make picks, stack them, you can do all sorts of fun stuff. Price picks even lets you follow your favorite celebs and friends and copy their lineups with just a click. Download the PricePix app today and use code Lemon to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's Code Lemon to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price Picks, it's good to be right. And I forgot to show you guys the price picks on my phone. Look at that app. What an app.

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Thank you, Price Picks, and now back to... Back to the show. Do you throw contact lenses on the ground here? This is disgusting. There's contact lenses, and look at this pill that you bit the top off off. Does Joseph like a grenade? I haven't worn contacts in 10 years. What is that?

I don't own contact lenses. Is that calm? Devin, do you whack off down here? I come down here and I mark my territory. There's like a crushed pill container. I'm never over there. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Who's doing pills?

Why are you doing pills over here? What the fuck? That's crazy. No, no, no, Ben, this is one of those, I think this is one of those things you drop in the water and the dinosaur appears. It's like a pill cover with like a foamy thing in the middle. It must be Ben's. That's got to be yours.

You probably bought some shit for your kids, right? Let me see that. You're always trying a new fad. That's one of the things you drop in the water, and it turns into a dinosaur. There's a new doctor. He said, Chia Pets will cure my disease. He said, I got to eat Webkins. No, this looks like one of them Hitler pills.

This is them shit Hitler was on. Greenies? I went to the doctor the other day, and I said, can I have the Hitler pills, please? And you said, get out. Yeah, there's like that and the other part of the pill case in there. But, no, I haven't worn contacts in 10 years. I can't go back. I don't like them anymore.

What you're talking about I don't know what this is But it's like poop in a capsule I don't know what's going on over there It's poop I don't want to look at it It's a Hitler pill take it Why is it a Hitler pill

Cyanide? It's that shit Hitler one Is that shit that made Hitler Uncle A was on that shit That's that shit that made Hitler crazy On Gage He was on that gorilla glue That's on cage

He an old head on Gage What is this? That was what the smokes back was for I think that's what it is Smells like an herb burp poop oh that might be the botanical company that we were doing advertising for a long time ago it's like two years ago yeah it smells like vitamins yeah so it's probably that then it probably crusted in the middle and looks plastic did they smoke weed in war war two does anyone know if

they had weed hit hitler did i doubt it you think hill i'm gonna ask if hitler smoked weed yeah hitler loves gravity bongs he would turn schools i doubt they did it wasn't vietnam when they first started, really, getting into that shit. I thought it was heroin. The G.I.'s all got on heroin in Vietnam. But also weed, I think. I don't know. Opium rules. Yeah, they were smoking it out of shotgun barrels. Did Hitler smoke?

Did Hitler smoke? Top shelf, Miz? Do not indicate that Hitler smoked cannabis. While he was a notorious drug addict, his addiction involved different substances. Oxy-cocaine, meth, probituates. They had an eyedropper or some shit they put him in. Who's the guy that won in front of Hitler?

Jesse Owens. Jesse Owens. Yeah, he smoked with Jesse Owens. But he got upset. He goes, you N-word-lipped it, Jesse. It's puff, puff, puff, pass, Jesse. Did not, no, Nazis did not smoke weed. You ever been around a guy that casually said N-word-lipped?

When smoking weed back in the day. I was around a couple Asian people that... Yeah. My dad said inward-rigged a couple times. You know what N-word-lipped was when you're smoking in a circle? Yeah. You got all slobary. Yeah.

I had a guy say that. Like, Asian guy? Multiple times. Vietnamese guy? Like, he was the guy that died that we stole his shoes. Right.

You stole his shoes after he died. Yeah, yeah, everyone. Everyone found out. It was like the whole town knew about it. There was like a Facebook post. It was like everyone laid up at the dead kid's house. Yeah, we're doing a shoe steal. Yeah.

But it wasn't like you took it off his dead feet like the Wizard of Oz. No, no, no, no. I'm sure somebody showed up to the wake in Korea and tried to slay. them off his feet like Cinderella take his shoes take his shoes take those size take those children size sevens yeah did he didn't smoke but he was like a hype beast guy he had like a bunch of like what was the hype beef shit back then it wasn't diamond supply company like LRG shirts uh like shirts where it was a deadline it was like an outline of like a dead body um it was like it was like it It was like the era where it was like guys would wear like shirts at the mall where it was like a hot chick like smoking a blunt and like holding a diamond in her hand.

Hell yeah. Giant image. Yeah, that rules. Like some tequila taquila whore on your shirt. Or it was like the hundreds company. It was like a bomb. Yeah. It was like a wacky cartoon bomb.

I was just at a little dance club thing where they were selling a shirt where was a woman bent over. It's called booty basement. It's a woman bent over with a big ass and she's like touching her pussy from behind. Yeah, yeah. On the front of the shirt. You're like, who wears this? I was like, this kind of kicks ass, honestly. And then I told you a fan recognized me while I was dancing.

It was really embarrassing. That's awesome, though. Yeah, it was awesome. That a guy like that's there. Yeah. He kicked ass because I was just grinding to E-40 songs. Like, literally just like, he's got a big old booty. And then this guy in my ear just goes, sad to see what you become.

And I tried to say something to him, and he was, like, gone. He just walked away. He's vanished. Yeah. Walked out the door. The DJ is like, sad to see what you become. In honor of living party, it's going to be E-40. What's E-40?

He's the Bay Area rapper. What's he do? Fat guy. Yeah, he writes for pedophiles. He's just a big Bay Area legend. And he talks like, she got a big old boody. He overpronunciates everything. Like, all the Bay Area guys.

The Bay Area. Yeah. You've heard Devin do that bit. NorCal. What's the E stand for? I don't know, actually. No, I don't really. I've never really quite cared about it that much, but.

He goes to all the Warriors games. He writes for Drake a lot. Isn't that right, Devin? Probably. I mean, yeah. I just know because that push-a-T song, he... Everyone writes for Drake. Everyone writes for Drake.

Yeah. Earl. His name's Earl. Earl Stevens. Earl 40. The 40 comes from his fondness for 40s. Dude, I love 40. I miss 40s so much sometimes.

You were... Anytime I saw you for a year, you had 40s tape to your hands. You were doing Edward 40 hands, like, in... class. I did it every morning for like seven days straight until I, the seventh day I woke up, I was way too sick at the rest. We would go to that

the meltdown mic on Mondays and it was like, we started like you'd sign up at like, yeah, you sign up like three and I remember Ben would have like a tall can already and I'd be like, oh my God, I had no I don't even think I drank at the time. Yeah, I know we probably talked about, but you would show up with the 90 beers in your trunk

and you'd hand me one and it was like so hot it hurt my hand yeah i had to hold it with two fingers and go like he had a lot of trunk beers you worked you worked like every comedy festival in town just to like take their beers yeah that was awesome yeah you did like oceans me now no he would do weirdly i'm sicker now than i was then i was fine i had no problems now you're eating fish in a big bucket yeah do you guys not I think I should eat a fish's head. So here's what I found out... No, I think it's probably very good for you somehow.

It could be. Maybe you have immune system issues because of all the hot aluminum you drink to end beer for years on end. Maybe. You know? I found out that every country eats the heads of animals except America, pretty much. Every country? Pretty much. Like the whole world eats animal heads except us.

Yeah. Like Switzerland? Well, we're very divorced from the whole circle of life process. Yeah, we're not even aware of how it died. It thought, we don't even remember that somebody had to kill. this thing. And so since we're severed from that, like, people are just like, I'm having a panic attack at Disneyland, or whatever the fuck.

That's most people's existence. And they, like Jay said, they eat things that are shaped like squares that you don't even know what it comes from. Yeah, that's true. You're just eating goo. That makes sense. They're like, what are you eating? They're like, I'm eating 500 chickens right now. What they did is, they took 500 chickens. They put them in a big blender, and I'm eating all

of them at once. That is the thing that gets me sometimes about, like, a chicken nugget or something. I'm like, this literally is probably parts from about 80. different chickens at once yeah wings milk you you get you get uh 12 chicken wings that's six whole chickens gave their fucking wings for that you should order a wing order and then they wheel out 10 chickens in wheelchairs that's crazy with no legs anymore paralyzed six chickens how to cook fish well I'll show you guys like how the Chinese do it because

it's like fish head soup like Chinese style how the how the Chinese do it I'm wondering if you guys think it's like weird to see see a fish head in a pot. Yeah. He's kind of... I mean, how are shorts not showing up? What is that all about? Sometimes they're the first thing that shows up, and other times they don't...

I always click show less shorts, because I kind of don't want to see them. Okay, yeah, I'm not going to play the audio, but... This seems like a little respectable. Every day in China, there's a video of, like, a lady pulling out, like, a worm from the sand, and then she just eats it. Yeah, like, oh my God, you people. Yeah, they like to suck on penises from the sea. they suck whale cock and stuff yeah yeah that's a fish head and uh i kind of don't like the milkiness

of a lot of chinese soups then you got to get the stuff off the top you got to skim that i hate i hate a milky soup it kind of always smells like fucking piss she brings it to go to eat at lunch yeah make sure to get that i've been eating it for a few days now i've been picking off of it because i got carrots and onions in it and uh yeah i picked all the meat out of the fish head Did you get all the bones out? Yeah, yeah. I did it. I just picked through it.

Getting the bones out of fish really sucks ass. It does suck ass. Scaling them actually really sucks, too. It's kind of very, it's very violating to, like, de-scale a fish. Yeah, you're pulling its skin off. Yeah. Sad. But it's just when I was a kid, we'd go to Possum Kingdom Lake, and I would, I would, I would, I would, I got the electric blade, and I would cut fish that we caught all day long.

And I like, I didn't care. But then I stopped, so now it's weird to me. But you get all the collagen, the gelatin, all that stuff that you need out of the other parts of the animal. That's good for being gay. But what I do is I go to Amazon.com and I order a big bad collagen and I put it in a Dr. Pepper. That a bunch of people already did for me. So my intuition tells me that the powder stuff, because I do it too. Now I'm eating the equivalent of nine fishes.

You're eating one and you worked hard. I put it in my coffee and then I try to get some sort of broth that I've made from a beef or a fish or whatever. You try to get collagen all day. Yeah, but, well, I mean, not necessarily all day, but... Do people have this idea that when you're eating college and you're, like, you're eating, like, you're eating, like, your ACL? Like, you're like, oh, I have a new ACL now. All my joints are working perfectly. Ooh, my elbow.

Oh, my God, look at that. No more clicking. Because of all the collage. There was part of me when I got, I was like, is this, like, crushed bones? Is this, like, crushed up bones? And then my bones turned it into more bone. That's why it's good for you. Yeah.

I don't know. Why do I feel like everything that comes in vitamin form doesn't work? Because... I don't know if they were. work i just do them to feel better by myself yeah that's kind of my god now is i take a bunch of vitamins and then don't change any lifestyle habits yeah and then i go what the hell still the same are you still putting on a big backpack filled with bricks and walking around no i it's it makes me so fucking when you told me that i was like oh jesus is depressed

well yeah no i'm i'm uh now i walk around with a backpack full of guns everywhere You fill it up with pistols? I go on leave. I'm rucking bullets. It's a really good work. I have 30 pounds of bullets and guts. No, I am walking every day still. I'm doing really good.

I'm like, I'm at least hitting 8,000 steps every day. But the backpacking made me so fucking tired every day. Yeah. To the point where I'm like, why am I doing this? But it is a great workout. Yeah. But, you know. I missed walking.

God damn it. What? I do. No, it sucks. I'm sorry. It was so sad. I couldn't face it head on and I had the laugh. It's horrible.

In the morning, it's the hardest. Yeah. My dick. You have a third leg. And that doesn't work either because of your immune system. It's funny. I guess I became Dr. House, but I'm not smart. And no one respects me.

Yeah. But you're just as racist. Is he racist in the show? Yeah, we've actually been rewatching House. That's how you know I'm depressed. I'm rewatching House. That's crazy, man. And there's so many scenes where he just walks and he's like,

Foreman, you're a stupid black guy. Fuck you. And that's like the whole. I do remember like the later seasons they bring in a really ugly short Jewish guy. Yeah. Do you remember him? He's like an Israeli guy. Yeah.

I remember Dr. has made Jew jokes about him, I think. He goes, I wish it was $6 million at one. Fuck you. I'm house. I'm on biking. deal with it. I'm on Vicodin. I'm house. Fuck you, Jew. You're like, Jesus. I'm denying the Holocaust. I'm denying the Holocaust. But I just figured out why this girl has a bad tendons in her legs. Fuck you. I'm house. Dr. House fucked in that show so much. Like, young, wasn't there plot lines where you, it would cut to Dr. House fucking a girl in his office? That's like a 21-year-old hot lady. He got a lot of young pussy. There was a plot where a girl who was like 17, like really,

wanted to fuck him and he was like when do you turn 18 and she's like six months and he was like and then that that bitch jewish doctor walks out cuddy she was hot shit yeah and she walks out she's like house don't fuck a child and he's like i'm i don't give a fuck i'm house i swear to god to this day that cuddy had perfect titties i think that's um i think that's golden memories okay i'll let devon see that's golden memories sure i was 16 when i was watching it she's kind of got those um sarah connor titties where the working out made the titties worse you know what I'm talking about. I don't know, man.

I thought she had a smoke show. Folks, you know what I'm talking about? Her name's Lisa. Lisa Cuddy. You type of in Kit Cuddy's house. Whoops-y. Yeah, Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Yeah.

They're fine. They're kind of like pancake-y. They're not really shown that much. They're kind of like fried eggy a little bit. Wait, why I remember her titty's being big? I know. I'm not sure I'd let her live. I mean, what are we talking about here?

I remember her being hot, though. What the hell? Hold on. No, sorry. Hot. I didn't type in hot See, she had titties, right? That's like season one before she got real thin

That's more of the titty I'm talking about It's that it's that flatty Yeah, that is not okay Milt Jugs. Yeah, the Devon's enraged Right now. Not okay, well, what about that? She looks Jewish in a way that makes her look mean. Nice, interesting strip teas. The bra looks like it's doing a lot of the lifting.

Well, bra's doing a lot of work on that. I think this might have been a Jewish siop with her tits. I remember her tits. I remember this scene her tits being huge and I'm having to cover them with both arms. I think you were just a young boy. You didn't know what was out there. Damn it.

Damn it, dude. I feel like such a fool. I've actually, there's a special AI you can do now, Sam Alden May, where you can watch all of house, but she has like F caps. Nice. Nice. This is not okay. Yeah, but I remember watching, it's actually pretty good, but there's, there's so many

funny episodes where it's like a girl comes in who's a model, and then they can't figure out what's wrong with her, and then House walks in after doing like a test and he's like uh you're a boy you've got a fucking cock she's like i'm a girl he's like no you're a dirty disgusting boy and if you use this bathroom i'll shoot you in the head i'm house damn it i never watched i think the thing is like he's an asshole but like looking back on it he was just a republican yeah yeah yeah basically yeah it's very it's i don't know it's just very funny yeah he was really mean the minorities in trans people and gate people on the show and everyone was like it's because of his

I'm like, I think it's because of his, like, world, I think it's because of his beliefs. Yeah, he's like, yeah, he's like, I love to think it has anything to do with him being in pain. He's like, I wrote in, um, I wrote in Cernovich this year. I'm house, damn it. I didn't realize, I watched that whole show the entire time I was a kid. I had no idea was a Sherlock Holmes adaptation until I was in my 20s. I just remember like the theme song kind of, I, which they don't have anymore. They lost the licensing rights, so they have another theme show for streaming. The theme song was the best part. Yeah, it's actually sucks.

I think it's called Teardrop by something. I don't remember. Was there any episodes about, like, people drink a pee or eating poo? Many, many episodes. I feel so dumb. I thought her, I thought her, I thought she was like this milk with, like, humongous, like, white, milky breasts. Were you thinking of Jason Sudecass's wife? She doesn't have big tits either.

Olivia Wilde, no. She was on the show. No, Olivia Wilde. I wanted the milk. I was all about milfs, dude. I always have been. I've always been loyal to Milfs. I love my fucking wife.

I love her. She gets hotter as she ages. And I love when the van drops her off at the end. I love when the van drops her off and I clean her. Very good, everybody. Yeah, we just didn't know. I wish I could go back to that time when we didn't know how big tits could get. I know.

I guess we thought tits like that were big then, right? Yeah. But didn't we have Carmen Electra and stuff? Ben, go back and look up Carmen Electra. You'll be surprised at how small they are. Yeah, not that big. Not that big. Yeah, no, not that big.

They all got, everything got bigger. Yeah. Not that big. So, our tits even big? Like, are we, have we been fooled into thinking they're big? I mean, those are good fake. Those are good fake tits. They're, like, decent, but like, you know.

You want me to type in 2007? I mean, 2002. Back in the, yeah, she's probably had a billion variations. She's 13. Type in 1984. for. No, type in Carmen Electra's scary movie. Scary movie.

When she's running in the bra, that was like the famous Carmen Electra scene. Is this whole show been us talking about poop and pee, Chinese people, and then looking at these tits on Google Images? They're calling it the greatest show ever made. Yeah. Yeah, her tits are not. They're fine. They're fine.

They're great. She's a very hot lady, but she's not. They're classic early aughts tits. Yeah, not a. Can you pull up Jenny McCarthy? Can you Google Jenny McCarthy? Is that her? I want to see if hers were actually big.

Interesting. Okay. Because I remember Jenny Carfie being a real big titted. Yeah. And when she was going on with, like, Jim Carrey. And they were talking about, like, the vaccines and shit. I'm going to need you to put a tits on the end of that Google search. Well, of course, only tits are going to show up.

And your problem? Ginny McCarthy tits. Nice. Well, actual tits are coming up now, and you have a lot of editing to do. do. God damn it. Sorry. Oh, I thought you were off screen. No, of course not. Sorry. Oh, you actually wanted me to see your tits. Those are great tits. I mean, they're fake as hell, but they're big. I should have had blur on. But yeah, you've just screwed the pooch on that one. I'm really sorry, I generally thought you were off screen. That's why I said it. I mean, they

look big to me. They're big. They're giant. Yeah, they are very, yeah, that's very, very nice, very nice. Yeah, it's great shit. It's just porn. We just also jacking off right now. It's just porn. Yeah, it's porn She was like a whore She's a hooker She's a damn hooker I didn't know she was doing that much I think she was like a nude playboy lady

I think She's a flusy I didn't know how to play the game He had me look up porn Yeah It's not you play the game Why I needed a little pick me up Jason's like a taping asshole

O-9 Yeah can you type in Two Girls One Cup full vid XVidos.com Do you think I could break this against the wall To end the episode? No

yeah don't do that we're gonna like that's gonna be that's gonna be Ben that's gonna be in the carpet forever don't do that yeah that would be bad Ben I don't think I don't think it would break I think bottles are hard to break that would be disrespectful make a dent in the work that was done you ever tried to make a Molotov cocktail and throw it like in a car that's like a car that's not really a car anymore it's like broken um have you ever done that a salvaged vehicle try to make a Molotov cocktail set on fire I tried to do that once in West Texas Devin didn't grow up. My friend's backyard.

Who were you trying to kill? We couldn't break the bottle. We kept, me and my friend kept throwing it. And we filled it with his dad's vodka and put a rag down it and lit the rag on fire with a zippo. And then kept trying to break it, but no one could break the bottle. And so we just, we gave up, we left, and it just kept burning. Too weak to be revolutionaries.

Yeah, that's Antifa's real secret. Yeah. I don't know how they break bottles, for real, though. Well, maybe if it gets hot, like you let the flames hit it for a bit. I mean, go ahead, take a feel. Feels real nice. Isn't that thick? It is thick.

They don't fuck around down in Mexico. These Mexico and Echo, Coca-Cola's? Yeah, I mean, you could definitely break it. It's not that hard. No, you cannot break that. I could break it. You couldn't break the $20, you can't break that. I would break it, but then I would slice my hand open and bleed out on the show.

Otherwise, I would. Well, then the Patreon would go up. No. I refuse. Then peeing it. That's sick. It's your brother. How about we all pee in a bottle to end the episode?

No, I don't have to pee. Yeah, I peed upstairs. I filled Devin's toilet up with piss upstairs. I clogged this toilet. I clogged his toilet. I clogged his toilet with pissing. Well, I have to estimate the halfway point. Because if I fill it all the way up with piss, then hit flush, it'll just overflow piss.

Have you ever set your balls on a sink before with your dick in the scene? What is going on to do? What? Yeah, I mean, I mean, sometimes if, you know, my girlfriend's in the bathroom and, like, I have to piss. Sometimes I'll just go to the sink and piss and do it. But do you, do you piss into the sink or do you rest your balls on the... Do you rest your balls on it? And then, like, let your dick hang into the sink and piss.

No, what I do is I get... You do run the risk of it falling in the disposal. What I do is I get, I get a, I lay on top of the counter. And I let my dick hang down until it's going in the sink. and then I start pissing. It's like how planes refuel in the sky. That's what it looks like. And then my balls,

I set two cups aside in the sink for those to rest inside. Have you squeezed your penis really hard while you pissed and it can't really come out? Just to test and see what happens. I've stepped on my dick like a garden hose before and watched the end like balloon up. I think squeezing your penis and pissing is very funny. Like when someone kinks a garden hose to see if the water does not come out.

It's the same with your penis. Yeah. I've done that. I do that all the time. in closing you know what I just realized I've never seen a guy tie his penis in a knot just end the episode what is that crazy like a guy with a really long penis should theoretically be able to tie it in a knot but whatever patreon.com so I don't know I'm asking I'm mad with like silence I'm trying to do a bad episode here I'm receiving

get nothing. All right. So like the longest. Thank you. Play ball. Let's go. Come on. What's wrong with you?

Play ball. I think I'll throw you. Come on. I'm running a business here. Come on. Let's go. Jokes. Come on.

My kids need food. Can you get tired? We'll have to move out of California. Let's keep these jokes going. I'm moving to anything next thing unless we talk about. You've seen a man put his. He's a penis in his ass. Come on.

Play ball. And piss. Be a good sport. I'm going bug mode. Bug mode. Oh, shit, he's going bud mode. Bug mode. He's going bud mode.

Hell's janitor. He's being an Asian piece of shit at the mall. He's going bug mode. That's funny. Be a good sport. I'm going bug mode. Kids need food. Bug mode.

Oh, shit, he's going bud mode. Bode. Bugg. All right, I'm going, bug. Kids need food. Bode. Bug. Kids need food.

Food. Bude. Bug, bug. Bode, bugbo. Babbard. Bug, bug, bug. Bode. Bugg, bug, bug.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.